Thank you for joining us today. This is Jace
Holloway. I've been invited by Abby to give you
a special disaster weather forecast and alert.
People living in the northwest corridor of zone
57 are advised to stay indoors immediately as
a massive dust storm originating from the radiation
zone is heading straight for you. There is a
high exposure warning. This is not just regular
dust. This is irradiated sand, which, as survivors
know, has a history of doing very bad things
to the human body. Symptoms of exposure may include
itchy skin, unexplainable glowing, sudden extra
ear growth that has been confirmed by previous
storms, and potentially turning you into a hideous
mutant. Lutely did not mean to insult the mutants
because mutants are a vital part of society and
bring value. They bring unique traits to the
world. And honestly, if everyone started mutating,
the mutants wouldn't be as special. Yeah. So
mutants, you're amazing. Please don't take offense
and try to come and kill me. So back to the actual
warning. Zone 57 residents should take every
precaution, avoid direct exposure, reinforce
your shelter. air filters, and under no circumstances
should you try to ride out the storm like some
kind of badass cinematic wasteland hero. No one's
going to care how brave you were, and you're
the only one who's going to be to blame if you
start having symptoms. I mean, unless you're
hoping to join the upcoming Mutant Wrestling
Federation, then by all means, go for it, I guess.
So, anyway, forecast summary. Danger level is
high. Mutant offense level is, I'm hoping, low.
Truly sorry for what I said and the likelihood
of regret if you're exposed extreme.