WEBVTT 00:00:01.299 --> 00:00:04.580 Welcome to Survivors Hotline, Questions, Chaos, 00:00:04.740 --> 00:00:07.379 and Consequences, where you bring the questions, 00:00:07.660 --> 00:00:10.359 we bring the judgment, and together we discover 00:00:10.359 --> 00:00:13.699 just how preventable most of your problems actually 00:00:13.699 --> 00:00:17.260 are. The Wasteland has no shortage of terrible 00:00:17.260 --> 00:00:21.699 decisions. Fortunately, survivors are kind enough 00:00:21.699 --> 00:00:24.679 to send us their worst concerns so the rest of 00:00:24.679 --> 00:00:28.140 us can learn exactly what not to do. This is 00:00:28.140 --> 00:00:32.119 where I do my best to provide guidance, and also 00:00:32.119 --> 00:00:37.759 where I repeatedly lose faith in humanity. Today, 00:00:37.979 --> 00:00:41.439 I am joined by Jace Holloway, who's going to 00:00:41.439 --> 00:00:44.259 help me with reading the questions and answering 00:00:44.259 --> 00:00:47.359 anything that I might not have a full understanding 00:00:47.359 --> 00:00:51.600 of. Say hello, Jace. Hi, everybody. I'm Jace 00:00:51.600 --> 00:00:54.960 Holloway. I'm the host of Tales from a Reluctant 00:00:54.960 --> 00:00:58.520 Survivor. I'm also the Racelands resident writer. 00:00:59.340 --> 00:01:01.939 And speaking of writing, I just wanted to tell 00:01:01.939 --> 00:01:03.859 you all about - Jace, we already talked about 00:01:03.859 --> 00:01:08.319 this. Never mind, people. Okay, let's begin. 00:01:08.640 --> 00:01:11.340 Jace, what's the first question? Question one 00:01:11.340 --> 00:01:14.859 is, I found an old survival guide that says drinking 00:01:14.859 --> 00:01:18.359 mystery liquid helps build immunity. Should I 00:01:18.359 --> 00:01:24.239 trust it? Should they trust it? Well, if I'm 00:01:24.239 --> 00:01:27.799 unity, you mean hallucinations, spontaneous organ 00:01:27.799 --> 00:01:29.799 failure and glowing in the dark. Yeah, sure. 00:01:29.819 --> 00:01:33.480 Trust it. Otherwise, no one wins when you drink 00:01:33.480 --> 00:01:38.159 unidentified liquids. Why is this still a question? 00:01:38.900 --> 00:01:41.420 Why do people look at something that is clearly 00:01:41.420 --> 00:01:45.480 radioactive, shrug, and think, eh, maybe it's 00:01:45.480 --> 00:01:49.420 a superpower serum? Is survival just a hobby 00:01:49.420 --> 00:01:52.980 to you? Is reckless experimentation your passion? 00:01:53.540 --> 00:01:57.140 Because listen, if it glows, if it bubbles aggressively, 00:01:57.400 --> 00:02:00.400 If it smells faintly like old iron and dirty 00:02:00.400 --> 00:02:04.780 socks, put it down and walk away. This is not 00:02:04.780 --> 00:02:09.780 complicated, people. OK, let's go on to the next 00:02:09.780 --> 00:02:13.060 question. Yeah, let's see what other moronic 00:02:13.060 --> 00:02:16.599 crap we can get into. OK, the next question. 00:02:16.960 --> 00:02:20.539 How do I make people think I'm a seasoned wasteland 00:02:20.539 --> 00:02:24.960 warrior without actually knowing anything? Confidence 00:02:24.960 --> 00:02:28.379 in layering. Wear extra belts, unnecessary pouches, 00:02:28.599 --> 00:02:30.879 and carry at least one oversized knife. No one 00:02:30.879 --> 00:02:33.620 questions the heavily accessorized. Honestly, 00:02:33.740 --> 00:02:36.680 this one I can respect. You want to survive based 00:02:36.680 --> 00:02:39.740 on pure aesthetic intimidation. That's great. 00:02:40.280 --> 00:02:43.060 But understand it only works if you commit. You 00:02:43.060 --> 00:02:45.520 want people to assume you're dangerous? Drape 00:02:45.520 --> 00:02:48.680 yourself in a sheer amount of weaponry that defies 00:02:48.680 --> 00:02:52.599 all logic. Do you need six belts? No. But will 00:02:52.599 --> 00:02:54.639 people hesitate before messing with somebody 00:02:54.639 --> 00:02:58.800 wearing sex belts? Absolutely. However, and this 00:02:58.800 --> 00:03:01.900 needs to be said, there is a fine line between 00:03:01.900 --> 00:03:05.259 intimidating wasteland warrior and walking parody. 00:03:06.180 --> 00:03:09.560 Full body spikes, overuse of leather, a trench 00:03:09.560 --> 00:03:11.719 coat that dramatically billows whenever you enter 00:03:11.719 --> 00:03:15.699 a room. It's been done. It's been overdone. Do 00:03:15.699 --> 00:03:18.199 you want people to respect you or do you want 00:03:18.199 --> 00:03:21.229 them to whispering behind your back like Is this 00:03:21.229 --> 00:03:25.750 guy cosplaying Mad Max or... Look, fashion in 00:03:25.750 --> 00:03:28.650 the Wasteland is already impractical. But let's 00:03:28.650 --> 00:03:30.629 be honest, we don't need more people dressing 00:03:30.629 --> 00:03:33.229 like they just walked out of a post -apocalyptic 00:03:33.229 --> 00:03:36.629 thing cosplay gathering during Why Are We Doing 00:03:36.629 --> 00:03:40.689 This Again Day. You need functional intimidation. 00:03:41.050 --> 00:03:43.289 Not the aesthetic of someone who raids the ruins 00:03:43.289 --> 00:03:45.810 of old thrift stores looking for battle -ready 00:03:45.810 --> 00:03:51.000 gear. If you absolutely must wear spikes, keep 00:03:51.000 --> 00:03:54.759 them minimal. Otherwise, you're one accidental 00:03:54.759 --> 00:03:57.280 stumble away from impaling yourself with your 00:03:57.280 --> 00:04:01.719 own shoulder pad. Leather? Fine, but don't layer 00:04:01.719 --> 00:04:04.340 so much that you start sweating out your body's 00:04:04.340 --> 00:04:07.680 own water supply. And if you insist on dark, 00:04:07.819 --> 00:04:11.159 dramatic sunglasses, at least make sure you can 00:04:11.159 --> 00:04:14.860 still actually see in the dark. Survival first. 00:04:15.289 --> 00:04:21.290 Fashion second. Bottom line, do less. Less is 00:04:21.290 --> 00:04:24.050 more. You can look dangerous without looking 00:04:24.050 --> 00:04:27.610 like the cover band version of every post -apocalyptic 00:04:27.610 --> 00:04:32.350 movie villain. Choose wisely. And you know, I 00:04:32.350 --> 00:04:35.810 just want to add that I actually do cover a lot 00:04:35.810 --> 00:04:40.290 about Wasteland Fashion and my new upcoming - 00:04:40.290 --> 00:04:43.800 No, Jace. This is not the right time. Just read 00:04:43.800 --> 00:04:48.300 the next question, please. Okay, fine, whatever. 00:04:49.600 --> 00:04:53.480 Okay, next question. I ate something I couldn't 00:04:53.480 --> 00:04:59.000 identify. I feel fine for now. How long until 00:04:59.000 --> 00:05:05.000 I should panic? You have a six -hour window before 00:05:05.000 --> 00:05:08.100 you learn whether this was food or an irreversible 00:05:08.100 --> 00:05:10.660 mistake. If you start hearing colors, you're 00:05:10.660 --> 00:05:13.339 probably not going to make it. The first mistake 00:05:13.339 --> 00:05:16.100 was eating something unrecognizable. The second 00:05:16.100 --> 00:05:19.579 mistake was coming to me for reassurance. Because 00:05:19.579 --> 00:05:21.980 listen, I am not the person who's going to tell 00:05:21.980 --> 00:05:25.300 you, don't worry, you'll be fine. No, you are 00:05:25.300 --> 00:05:27.879 not fine. You are currently a science experiment 00:05:27.879 --> 00:05:30.699 in progress, and the only variable is how much 00:05:30.699 --> 00:05:34.040 pain and agony you are about to experience. Best 00:05:34.040 --> 00:05:37.879 case? Mild stomach discomfort. Worst case? You 00:05:37.879 --> 00:05:39.959 start speaking an ancient language that no one 00:05:39.959 --> 00:05:42.970 remembers. There is a real chance your body is 00:05:42.970 --> 00:05:45.629 currently negotiating with reality itself. You 00:05:45.629 --> 00:05:47.949 may undergo a transformation that no one asked 00:05:47.949 --> 00:05:51.110 for. Have you ever wanted to vibrate at a frequency 00:05:51.110 --> 00:05:54.290 only small insects can hear? No? Well, you may 00:05:54.290 --> 00:05:57.870 not get a choice. And let's be real. This is 00:05:57.870 --> 00:06:00.569 how we get more mutants. This is how we get more 00:06:00.569 --> 00:06:04.029 zombies. And if the universe is feeling particularly 00:06:04.029 --> 00:06:07.029 vindictive, this is how we get mutant zombies. 00:06:07.509 --> 00:06:09.569 So when people ask, how does mutation happen? 00:06:09.949 --> 00:06:12.430 Just remember, Someone ate something sketchy. 00:06:12.550 --> 00:06:15.089 Ignore all the warning signs and now we have 00:06:15.089 --> 00:06:18.610 to deal with the consequences of, you know, mutant 00:06:18.610 --> 00:06:21.889 zombies. You've got six hours, buddy. Hope you 00:06:21.889 --> 00:06:23.569 made peace with yourself and well, everything 00:06:23.569 --> 00:06:30.829 else. Um, okay. Glad you can tell us how you 00:06:30.829 --> 00:06:34.949 really feel about it. Um, okay. Next question. 00:06:35.670 --> 00:06:38.290 A stranger just offered me a deal with the words 00:06:38.290 --> 00:06:41.720 trust me and winked at me. He seemed friendly, 00:06:42.000 --> 00:06:49.779 but I just don't know. Wow. Okay. So, survival 00:06:49.779 --> 00:06:54.879 rule number one. Anyone who says, trust me, in 00:06:54.879 --> 00:06:59.060 the wasteland, should immediately be distrusted. 00:07:00.100 --> 00:07:04.819 And if they also wink, run. You may think winking 00:07:04.819 --> 00:07:09.939 adds charm. Wrong. Winking adds danger. No one 00:07:09.939 --> 00:07:12.319 ever winks in the Wasteland unless they know 00:07:12.319 --> 00:07:15.620 something you don't, and that something is probably 00:07:15.620 --> 00:07:18.300 how fast you're going to regret this decision. 00:07:19.199 --> 00:07:21.639 Trust should never be built on tone and facial 00:07:21.639 --> 00:07:25.939 expressions alone. Verify first, then trust. 00:07:26.879 --> 00:07:30.759 Actually, don't trust, just verify. Let's break 00:07:30.759 --> 00:07:34.000 this down. What kind of person just casually 00:07:34.000 --> 00:07:37.800 says trust me without giving any details whatsoever? 00:07:38.000 --> 00:07:41.259 A con artist. A trader who has something extra 00:07:41.259 --> 00:07:44.300 special for you that may or may not be radioactive. 00:07:45.220 --> 00:07:48.360 A wanderer who conveniently knows a shortcut 00:07:48.360 --> 00:07:51.680 through raider territory but refuses to elaborate 00:07:51.680 --> 00:07:55.379 further. Nothing about this situation screams 00:07:55.379 --> 00:08:00.360 safe. And the wink? That wink, yeah, that's not 00:08:00.360 --> 00:08:03.839 flirtation. That's a prelude to disaster. The 00:08:03.839 --> 00:08:05.699 moment you see that wink, you should probably 00:08:05.699 --> 00:08:08.810 be backing away slowly. This person has inside 00:08:08.810 --> 00:08:11.949 information about the consequences that you are 00:08:11.949 --> 00:08:15.410 about to suffer. You know what never follows 00:08:15.410 --> 00:08:19.149 a wank? Good times. No one has ever wanked and 00:08:19.149 --> 00:08:21.449 then offered a truly beneficial survival tip. 00:08:22.009 --> 00:08:23.870 No one has ever wanked and handed over something 00:08:23.870 --> 00:08:27.329 that didn't backfire spectacularly. If you ever 00:08:27.329 --> 00:08:29.550 find yourself standing in front of someone who 00:08:29.550 --> 00:08:31.889 looks just a little too confident in their vague 00:08:31.889 --> 00:08:35.009 promises, just excuse yourself and walk the other 00:08:35.009 --> 00:08:38.460 way. Bottom line? If someone winks at you and 00:08:38.460 --> 00:08:41.500 says, trust me, they're testing how gullible 00:08:41.500 --> 00:08:48.139 you are. Don't fail that test. Okay, so the next, 00:08:48.320 --> 00:08:51.139 and I guess final question is, I think I accidentally 00:08:51.139 --> 00:08:53.720 became the leader of a Raider gang. How do I 00:08:53.720 --> 00:08:57.220 get out of this? I think you can take this one, 00:08:57.379 --> 00:08:59.539 Jace. You actually have a little bit of experience 00:08:59.539 --> 00:09:03.100 with this, don't you? Yeah, I do have a little 00:09:03.100 --> 00:09:08.320 bit of experience, so... So actually, you know, 00:09:08.360 --> 00:09:11.519 it's, it's bad news. You're probably not getting 00:09:11.519 --> 00:09:14.759 out of it. You either lean into it and roll with 00:09:14.759 --> 00:09:18.720 ruthless efficiency or retirement involves several 00:09:18.720 --> 00:09:21.879 knives. Just make sure you make the right decision. 00:09:22.759 --> 00:09:24.639 This is one of those moments where you look back 00:09:24.639 --> 00:09:27.679 at your life and pinpoint the exact mistake that 00:09:27.679 --> 00:09:30.740 led you there. If you're the leader now, someone 00:09:30.740 --> 00:09:34.200 saw something in you, either charisma or complete 00:09:34.200 --> 00:09:37.870 disregard for consequences. And now they believe 00:09:37.870 --> 00:09:40.549 in you. This means people are expecting things 00:09:40.549 --> 00:09:43.950 from you. Strategy orders a clear vision for 00:09:43.950 --> 00:09:47.049 their rating future. The worst part, they think 00:09:47.049 --> 00:09:50.789 you know what you're doing. So you have a couple 00:09:50.789 --> 00:09:55.029 of options. Option one, commit to the role. If 00:09:55.029 --> 00:09:58.549 you're in charge, lean into it hard. Start getting 00:09:58.549 --> 00:10:02.230 dramatic speeches. Don't ever worry about making 00:10:02.230 --> 00:10:05.590 sense. Just sound intense. Wear a long coat. 00:10:06.520 --> 00:10:09.980 Cultivate that or a vague menace. And if someone 00:10:09.980 --> 00:10:12.419 questions you, narrow your eyes slightly and 00:10:12.419 --> 00:10:15.000 say, do you really want to know the answer to 00:10:15.000 --> 00:10:20.059 that? They will not ask again. Option two. And 00:10:20.059 --> 00:10:24.019 this is the one that I took when I had my, you 00:10:24.019 --> 00:10:28.240 know, experience disappear immediately. You have 00:10:28.240 --> 00:10:30.299 one chance to escape before people start getting 00:10:30.299 --> 00:10:33.419 attached to your leadership style. If you wait 00:10:33.419 --> 00:10:36.490 too long. You will find yourself stuck planning 00:10:36.490 --> 00:10:40.049 raids, organizing supply runs, and negotiating 00:10:40.049 --> 00:10:42.590 territorial disputes like you accidentally got 00:10:42.590 --> 00:10:46.710 hired for a job you never applied for. Now, if 00:10:46.710 --> 00:10:49.610 you choose that option, do it fast and make it 00:10:49.610 --> 00:10:54.490 look intentional. Dramatic exits work best. Say 00:10:54.490 --> 00:10:57.149 something cryptic, drop a smoke bomb if you have 00:10:57.149 --> 00:11:00.450 one, and vanish before anyone can follow up. 00:11:01.140 --> 00:11:03.659 Otherwise, your retirement might involve several 00:11:03.659 --> 00:11:06.700 knives and none of them will be decorative. Just 00:11:06.700 --> 00:11:08.600 either embrace your new career or flee before 00:11:08.600 --> 00:11:11.240 you start collecting responsibility like unpaid 00:11:11.240 --> 00:11:15.899 debt. Thank you, Chase. And you know, I am looking 00:11:15.899 --> 00:11:17.940 forward to hearing that whole story about how 00:11:17.940 --> 00:11:22.159 you got out of being a leader of a raid group. 00:11:23.039 --> 00:11:28.279 But anyway, for now, that's all we have for Survivors 00:11:28.279 --> 00:11:31.639 Hotline. If your question wasn't answered, don't 00:11:31.639 --> 00:11:36.120 worry. It probably wasn't as immediately moronic, 00:11:36.220 --> 00:11:39.220 I mean emergent, as the ones featured today. 00:11:40.120 --> 00:11:42.159 Tune in next time, assuming you haven't wandered 00:11:42.159 --> 00:11:44.740 into a glowing puddle or followed someone who 00:11:44.740 --> 00:11:47.919 said trust me. Honestly, the bar for minimal 00:11:47.919 --> 00:11:51.100 common sense to surviving is pretty low. Try 00:11:51.100 --> 00:11:55.679 not to trip over it. Seriously, how has anyone 00:11:55.679 --> 00:11:58.580 survived? Dumb luck is my guess.