Recovery Radio
KMP3,000.
Ah,
yes.
You are listening to
the recovery radio podcast
on KMP3.
I am a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
and I will be your host.
You can email me at
sarcasticbiningbook@gmail.
You can follow me on Instagram at
sarcastic.
Aa.book.
As always, so glad you're here with me.
I don't know if your day is just getting
started or it's just winding down or
it's somewhere right smack dab in the
middle, but here we are.
together.
You and me. And I am grateful for it.
Grateful. I have no desire to drink
today.
That is a miracle.
I can't tell you how many times I
remember
dying
to have my next dream. Just dying.
Just dying inside. Just
needing it.
Always needing to know where the next
one is going to come from.
making it very clear to everyone in my
life if I did not have a drink there was
going to be trouble. It was going to be
a problem. It was going to be a problem
for you and it was going to be a problem
for me. And I lived that way.
And I tried with all of my intelligence,
all of my willpower
to stop
all the self-nowledge I had.
I was homeless. I was penniless. I was
unemployable. My family had left. I had
died.
Tons of trouble with the law.
Not enough.
Not enough,
man.
So simple to take that for granted. So
simple to take that for granted.
I don't today. As best I can, I don't.
I have my piping hot cup of Trader Joe's
coffee here with me.
French roast.
Although I have to say, we had some
Colombian coffee the other day and it
was
it scratched me right where I itch.
But
I'm really still on the French roast
jam right now.
I have to tell you, I am in I don't know
if I could be in a better mood. I don't
This is like the
best a person can feel while dressed.
It's just I'm just in such a good mood.
I'm so excited about life, about
everything, about
so many things.
There's not enough hours in the day. All
the things I want to do, all the people
I want to talk to,
all the things I want to create, the
music I want to make, the the memes, the
books, all of it. I'm just so I'm just
on fire for life.
It's the happiest I've ever been.
I have relationships today that are just
mind-blowing.
I have relationships in my life that are
so mind. They're blowing my mind.
Crazy.
It's a good feeling when you love
people. It's an amazing feeling when you
love people.
It feels infinitely better
than feeling loved, as good as that
feels as well. But it's just the feeling
of
empathy and compassion and love and
concern and interest in the well-being
of other people is just the best feeling
in the world. It's the best feeling I've
ever known.
Yeah, man.
There's times I see it clearer than
other times. This is one of those times
I just I'm so honed in on the fact that
I'm just nothing special at all.
I
if I stay on this trajectory a year from
now if I were to listen to today's
podcast it would annoy me because I
would hear selfishness in it
that I couldn't hear at the time.
I'm just always wanting to grow, be
better, do better, listen better.
I've just always wanted to do that. I
really sincerely want to do that.
I was in a meeting
and I
didn't agree with what was being shared
and I got really judgmental in my
thoughts.
you know, this isn't
in the big book or this is, you know,
some nonsense and some arrogant entitled
um
just arrogance, entitlement.
Then I was like, you know what? Who are
you? Who are you to judge anyone
for anything?
I start talking to myself. Who are you,
Mr. Holier than thou
really?
You know what people need to hear. You
know
what's right and what's wrong. Who the
hell do you think you are?
You're alive because of grace
and you're not God. Quite far from it.
You don't know what the hell anyone
needs.
Well, you know one thing, they don't
need one more person sitting there
looking down at people. I mean,
get real.
First of all, I started thinking of all
the things that helped me over the years
that if I heard them today, I would be
like, "Yeah, that's not in the book."
So, shut up.
The arrogance
that I could have just boggles the mind.
I I It's just Please
And fortunately, it was a
that conversation that I started to have
with myself really helped. And
it's kind of like just being acquainted
with reality in a way where it's like in
re you want to Hey, you're looking down
at people. Do you want to Hi, reality's
here. Can reality come in for a second?
Can you just sit down with reality for a
second?
Because the reality is you're not in a
position to judge. You're not in a
position to look down. You're not in a
position to
tell yourself you know what's
best for a meeting, how it should go,
how people should work the steps, how
they shouldn't work the steps, who's
sincere, who's not, who's going to get
sober, who's not going to get sober.
Shut up.
You drank your ass into the ground,
stumbled into the key,
stumbled upon the key of life itself.
Not because you're a good person, not
because you were smart or sexy or
bitching.
because of grace.
So, shut up,
I told myself. Shut up. Then I just
thought, you know what? I'm just going
to sit here in this meeting. I'm
thinking about God.
Listen, just listen. There's such a
treasure at every meeting.
The whole story is told about everything
in life in any given moment.
The story isn't being told five minutes
from now or a year from now or a week
from now. It's being told right now.
Right now, you're in a meeting.
Listen.
Find the treasure.
Treasure is the moment.
That's where God is.
So
grateful to get the feedback from the
last
episode on what does the big book say.
It's been all very positive and
people are excited
and uh feels good
to put it out there.
I'm going to have Dave come back
when we get to step four, which is a
there's a lot to go over and there's
lots
there's a lot there that um
is definitely worth talking about.
Pivotal moments, tools to use,
all kinds of stuff. It's not just an
inventory
as we see when we go right through the
big book. But so grateful to
have him to help me
make sense of things.
He has a lot of insight, a lot of
experience.
More than anything, he lives this stuff
in his daily life. So what he says is
golden to me because I watch it. I watch
his feet
and he's not full of it. It's very
inspiring.
So before I get into today's topic, I
just want to say I just I just feel very
moved to say that
um again, even though I've said it, this
isn't I'm not an expert. Dave is not an
expert. We're not gurus, nothing
special. We're very blessed, very
fortunate
ex-pros drinkers who have found a
solution, who are living in a a life
beyond their wildest dreams,
who are moved to help and share,
experience, strength, and hope in any
way that we can, and that's it.
So, I'm sure that very often it sounds
like there's more to it than that
in our minds or in my mind. I'll just
speak for myself, but I just
I'm super clear on the fact that I am
nothing without God.
Nothing.
And am in no position to judge anyone or
anything.
Zero exception to that.
So, I'm trying to do better. I'm trying
to grow. trying to learn
and um
yeah today I will continue
with what does the big book say and
today talk about what the big book says
about step two in my understanding
one of the guys who used to go to the
original study used to say some of the
steps are not really steps their
statements
and at the time I didn't
really understand that completely
as I feel I understand it today.
Originally there were six steps. There
were six steps that the founders did.
I'll read them to you.
Let me get my glasses.
They're lightning bolt glasses.
Something my agent wants me to wear.
They're also not reading glasses.
They're just dark sunglasses. So now I
can't find at all what I'm looking for.
Um,
okay.
It's not going to be in there.
All right.
Isn't this good? Isn't this good podcast
listening? What are you listening to?
What are you listening to, sweetie? Oh,
I'm listening to this guy. He's looking
for a page. He hasn't found it yet. It's
really entertaining.
It's really good.
I can hear pages flipping. He's He must
be searching for it. It's really
excellent radio.
Okay. The original six steps
went a little something like this. there
in a story
in the back of the book called
He Sold Himself Short.
And in the third edition, it's on page
292.
And
it says step one, complete deflation.
That's it.
Complete deflation. That's step one.
Not complicated.
Personal and subjective. Complete
deflation.
Two, dependence and guidance from a
higher power. Three, moral inventory.
Four, confession. Five, restitution.
Six, continued work with other
alcoholics. That's what the founders
did.
very unfussy.
So this gentleman, his name was Rick.
He's still sober. He's sober for like 45
years or something.
He used to say, you know, there's steps
that are really statements rather than
steps. And if you're looking at the big
book as if uh
it is a recipe to make something,
um step one and step two are really a
gathering of ingredients
more than actual steps. They're kind of
a gathering of of ingredients.
Step two is an ongoing thing in a way
as implied in the chapter that deals
with step two. We agnostics.
So I'll start by just keeping this super
super simple.
This is what
the consensus
came to.
Oh, these are the consensus that we
these are the consenses.
The consensi is that the plural
um that the group always came to uh
after studying
step two and there's two things.
One
again just like step one there's no
clear-cut directions in the big book for
step two. there's no way to tell someone
how to
arrive at this place. So they in the
chapter we agnostics which deals with
step two
they talk about all these stumbling
blocks people have with the idea of God
and there's so profound things in there.
One of them is which my friend Dave is
very fond of talking about. It says deep
down in every man, woman and child is
the fundamental idea of God. It's in
everyone. It's right there.
maybe obscured by
worldly clamor and
basically it's hidden by self and all
kinds of things like that. But
it's there deep down inside of all of
us. It's there.
And
it says
we had to ask ourselves one question.
Do we now believe or are we willing to
believe there's a power greater than
ourselves?
And it says as soon as someone can say
they do believe or are even willing to
believe that is enough. That's the
cornerstone.
As we go through the steps, we're
building a spiritual structure. We're
building this arch through which we pass
free of the desire to drink or use.
It's pretty incredible and free of a
bunch of other stuff, too. But
keeping it simple, that's the purpose of
the arch. That's what we're free from.
We can go anywhere. We can do anything.
We can go be a musician. We can go to
weddings. We can go to whoopee parties.
We can go to bars. We can go
We could be around alcohol eventually.
Go anywhere in this world. Any free
person can go.
So, we're going to build a spiritual
arch. And step two is the first stone.
It's the cornerstone
and I'll read it.
It is on page hold on here. I'm doing it
again. You love that. Okay.
Page 47. Right in the middle. We needed
to ask ourselves but one short question.
Do I now believe or am I even willing to
believe that there's a power greater
than myself? Soon as a man can say that
he does believe or is willing to
believe, we emphatically assure him he
is on his way.
It is repeatedly, it has been repeatedly
proven among us that upon this simple
cornerstone, a wonderfully effective
spiritual structure can be built.
Cornerstone is the first stone laid in
construction. So it's important because
everything is built in relation to it.
But that's
that's the requirement of step two in
the big book
in terms of building this spiritual
structure.
That's what's needed.
As soon as somebody could say they're
willing to believe, think about how, you
know, it says also in there that the
realm of God in their experience is
broad and roomy. It's never inclusive or
forbidding to anyone who earnestly
seeks. It's open to everyone.
Just imagine broad and roomy what that
means. It's like,
come on in. There's plenty of room in
here. The entryway is wide. Come on in.
It's not narrow. You don't have to get
through a doggy door to get here. You
don't have to do somersaults or going
backwards or write a bunch of stuff or
whatever.
If you're willing to believe there's a
power greater than you, that's enough.
That's an incredible
That's incredible.
And in the big book,
that's enough.
You're laying down the cornerstone to
this spiritual structure. As soon as you
can say, "I'm willing to believe.
There's nothing more required.
You're not you're not you don't have to
believe.
I mean, this is how this is how open it
is. This is how
inclusive it is. You don't have to
believe."
In a way, how could you sometimes? I
mean, you haven't.
I don't know.
Some people believe very strongly,
but some people don't and couldn't and
for whatever reason. And
but how open and inviting is that? As
soon as somebody can say they are
willing to believe that is enough to get
your ass up to step three
in the big book. There is no writing
assignment for step two. It's not there.
If you do that and it helps you, that's
wonderful.
I'm just saying it is not in the big
book.
So I wouldn't say I'm going right out of
the big book
because that's not right out of the big
book. Right out of the big book is are
you willing to believe there's a power
greater than yourself? Then go to step
three.
So that's one thing I wanted to say.
Keep it super simple
because it's super simple.
The other thing is
I want to talk about
step two. What it says came to believe
that a power greater than ourselves
could restore us to sanity.
because there's certainly a lot there.
And part of the reason the untangling of
all this was so important to me is
because the more untangled it is from
the get-go, the more sense it makes as
it goes along. The more tangled up as it
is at the beginning, the less sense it
makes as it goes along.
For example, if I am told I'm always
going to be insane,
what the hell is step two?
Came to believe a power greater than
myself will never restore me to sanity
is what it should say.
But it says, "Came to believe a power
greater than ourselves would restore us
to sanity."
We looked up the word restore. We talked
about restore. We looked up
In this exhaustive study, we went over
this for months. The big book says we
become alcoholics in the not there's
stories in the back that say otherwise.
But again, going back to the first
episode of this, we studied the first
164 pages for some very compelling
reasons. But
according to the uh
everything up to page 103 where the
clear-cut directions
stop concerning the program of action
laid out in the book
for the alcoholic who wants to recover
from a seemingly hopeless state of mind
and body.
They say we become alcoholics at some
stage in our drinking. We become
alcoholics. We cross a line.
In other words, at some point in our
life, according to the big book's
definition of insanity, we were sane
because they're not talking about
character defects. They're not talking
about fear, not feeling like you fit in.
They're not talking about your
shortcomings. I'm not talking about your
selfishness.
They say in the big book, we feel we
probably could have stopped
on our own at some point,
but we just didn't want to.
And they talk about that. That's very
important
because that's why they use the word
restore.
I invite you to read it. Read about it.
Read about read there as a solution and
more about alcoholism.
They talk about this.
So came to believe a power greater than
ourselves could restore. So first of all
came to believe doesn't it's very
different than I believe.
We we came to believe and again the
direction in the book is just are you
willing are you open to the idea.
So came to believe that a power greater
than herself could restore
us to sanity. So the other thing I want
to talk about is what they mean by
sanity.
One of the things we spent a lot of time
on is this insanity. Sanity sely. Sely
sane. Insane.
We looked every reference to these words
up in the first 164 pages,
read them in their context, dis
discussed them
in big groups
and we came to a consensus and the
consensus is this.
The big book
talks about two different types of
insanity. One, it talks about permanent
insanity, wet brain. It references that
several times, but you can put that
aside because that's not what they're
referring to in step two.
Overwhelmingly,
what they're talking about is their own
unique definition of insanity.
It's unique.
It is not simply doing the same thing
over and over and expecting different
results.
a form of this insanity has nothing two
forms of this insanity has nothing to do
with this. It's not that
they say whatever the precise definition
of the word may be. We call it plain
insanity and they talk about our
thinking and this is the important part
as it relates to the first drink
and that's it.
And they say it is one or more of these
three things. This is how it is
described. One,
the thought of I'm going to drink again.
I know it's going to happen and I don't
care.
The founders said, "We don't know what
to call that, so we're just going to
call it insane." Because with you where
you're at, your family terrified, your
job in jeopardy, your health flailing,
for you to decide to drink is insane.
We don't know what else to call it.
Don't look up the definition of insane.
It's not what we're talking about.
However intelligent we may have been in
other respects, where alcohol is
concerned, we have been strangely
insane. End quote.
There it was. The insidious insanity.
that first drink,
the insanity of the first drink, the
insanity of alcohol.
So, that's one. Two is
this time it's going to be different.
I I This time I'm going to
control it. Drink at a different time.
Drink a different thing. Drink it at a
different location. Drink it with
different people. Only have a couple.
Only have five. Only have 10.
And the founders say whatever the
precise definition of this is in light
of your circumstances that's insane. We
don't know. We don't know. We do not
know what else to call it.
The third thing is
no thought at all.
It's 6:00.
No thought of drinking. I'm going to a
place I've gone sober for years and
never thought of drinking. 601 I'm
buying alcohol.
The subtle insanity that first drink. So
in the big book, the consensus that we
reached repeatedly for
throughout the course of this entire
study is that when the big book talks
about insanity,
it is not talking about your character
defects. It's not talking about your
selfishness. It's not talking about your
fears. It's not talking about you not
fitting in. It's not talking about you
being lazy, procrastination. It's not
talking about you not wanting to go to
meetings. It's not talking about you
being in terrible relationships that are
awful for you.
It's talking about the three things I
just mentioned. And that's it.
That's what it's talking about.
So keeping that in mind
came to believe a power greater than
oursel could restore us to sanity
is very different.
According to the big book, we are
restored to sanity and after we are
restored to sanity continue to have
resentments and fears and character
defects and selfishness.
After we are restored to sanity, we
continue
to suffer from our al alcoholism
and we'll get to that.
But the idea of being restored to
sanity, meaning that you don't have
character defects anymore, is not what
we arrived at. It's not related to that
at all. They're talking about
the main problem of the alcoholic. The
insanity of the first drink, the idea
that I'm I can drink again or the idea
that it'll be different or the idea that
I don't care or no thought at all, I
just drink again. The powerlessness over
alcohol
that we have
gets solved.
That's why the big book says the problem
gets removed. The problem gets solved.
The problem is disappeared. We are
restored to sanity.
That's why it says we are relieved of
our alcoholism. That's why it says we
have recovered.
According
to the big book in our study, the
consensus was
a recovered alcoholic.
Could be
somebody super spiritually fit, obvious
to all, with no desire to drink. And
they can be somebody who's
not super spiritually fit, obvious to
all, but in a place where they have no
desire to drink today.
In other words,
we had arrived at it's not related.
And if this all seems tangled up and
confused, stay with me.
It gets clearer and clearer in my
experience as the study goes on.
So to recap and to summarize in a really
simple way, step two, there's no writing
instructions in the big book about step
two.
It's not there.
Step two says, "As soon as a person can
say they're willing to believe, that's
enough
for a wonderfully effective spiritual
structure to begin to be built
for that is the cornerstone."
When they say, "Came to believe a power
greater than ourselves could restore us
to sanity," they might as well have
said, "Came to believe that a power
greater than ourselves could solve the
main problem of the alcoholic,
could take away my desire to drink
a day at a time permanently."
came to believe a power gra theirselves
could
place me in a position of neutrality
concerning alcohol where I feel safe and
protected and I'm not interested. I
recoil from it as from a hot flame.
And there's a lot of reasons that was
important for me
in my own sobriety to learn and
understand these things.
One is
it makes a big difference in terms of
articulating things in a way that says
that the program works.
You do get restored to sanity.
What has happened with the insanity is
just it's
the poor big book doesn't stand a chance
anymore really because it's so
it's not understood.
What I'm saying right now is not the
common understanding in my experience
anywhere.
People
have been told that they're crazy.
They're always going to be crazy. That
might be true, but that's not related to
step two.
Mike used to always say, "If you throw
your mom down the stairs, but you don't
have a desire to drink, according to the
big book, you are completely sane."
Because they're not talking about
anything else.
I was thinking about it cuz
I was thinking about the other day.
I was thinking about um why it has
why the message has become so garbled
and twisted. And I was thinking about
part of that and I was thinking about
how first of all I couldn't not I'm an
excellent reader.
I'm really good reader now, but I never
was. I had no I couldn't read at all
when I got sober. I was a terrible
reader when I got sober. Terrible.
Zero comprehension skills. Zero.
Ask me to read a sentence. Blah blah
blah blah blah.
Read it slow. Blah blah blah. Read it
fast. blah blah blah blah blah no
comprehension skills didn't know what I
was reading
and I think that's extremely common I
mean I've worked with a lot of people by
the grace of God and
I've asked a lot of questions I've read
things with people and ask them what it
means and it's very common to do the
following to read a sentence
apply it however you want to in any
context you want to and run with it say
this is what it means
because I didn't understand the first
sentence or the second sentence or I
simply read one sentence that I really
relate to and so that's just kind of I'm
going to put that in context. I want to
put it in and that'll be the end of it.
I think a lot of that has happened and a
lot of that has happened and then been
passed on
and I can say that now because I'm an
excellent reader as I said now I learned
to read an alcoholics anonymous
you know turns out I'm a nerd deans list
honor student all that crazy stuff for
somebody who used to light his desk on
fire and throw it out of a window.
So, I think that's part of how it came
to be. So mocked up.
Now I know what long dashes mean in
sentences,
why you put commas in certain places. I
really have good comprehension skills. I
can read things in their context.
And um
according to the big book, they're not
talking about Einstein's insanity.
They're not talking about that.
They're talking about a very unique
definition which applies to
the thought that precedes the first
drink or lack thereof.
And that's it.
So we do get restored to sanity. We do
recover.
We do get relieved of our alcoholism and
the problem does get removed.
All of that is spoken about in a way
that is interchangeable.
All of it means the same thing which is
we do get restored to sanity.
Page 84 and 85 they describe that. We'll
get to that.
We'll talk about that and this what I
have brought up this morning much more.
Last thing I want to say about it is
about the writing about a higher power
which I have friends who have done this
and it's helped them and that's
wonderful. I'm not knocking it. I'm just
saying it's not in the big book and I
think the reason it is not in the big
book is because
this is just personal. You could take
this or leave this. Well, you take all
this or leave it out. I don't even need
to say that. Who the hell do I think I
am?
If I were to write about my higher power
when I was on step two, I would be
writing about something I've never
experienced because I would still be
blocked.
So whatever I wrote about my higher
power, no matter how incredible it was,
no matter how enormous and beautiful and
loving and all of it was, it would still
be written
from a state of consciousness
that is limited
compared to what
it will be once I am unblocked through
the process of steps three through nine.
So to me, if I'm writing about God in
step two, I'm limiting God because I'm
saying I'm writing about it from my
current mentality, which is going to
change.
And God's so much, oh my gosh, my
experience is that God is just so much
better than we make it sound.
So, if you want to jump ahead on a
podcast greater than yourself, I do. I
go over step three the same way I'm
going to go over it on this podcast. You
want to sit tight and wait for that.
And then after that, I will bring Dave
back. We'll get into step four.
So,
please feel free free to write sarcastic
bigbook@gmail.
Um, message me on Instagram
sarcastic.a.book.
Go to my website sarcasticbigbook.com.
I want to give a shout out to HappyJoy3
on the East Coast. All those East
Coasters over there.
Hi Sarah. Hi McKenzie.
Want to give a shout out to a podcast
greater than yourself. So gratitudes
podcast
the black rhinos international big book
study.
Want to say hello to Chelsea. I want to
say if anyone who needs to hear
this I will say that everything is okay.
I know that everything's okay.
Don't yell butt me.
I know it.
Everything's okay. So, while I was
recording this, I got so many messages
from my agent. I have a new agent.
His name is Thaad
and uh he really wants me to redo the
pumpkin shoot
and uh the broken pumpkins on Instagram,
but the story
is
it's a little vulgar. It's a little
vulgar. I did break the pumpkin. So, I'm
in this sober boys of summer. I'm a
sober boys of summer
uh AA model in this calendar. Silver
Boys this summer and um I'm Mr. October
because that's what my AA birthday is.
And there was a scene that they had me,
you know,
doing they took pictures of um where I
was just there with a pumpkin and that's
it. I was just sitting there with a
pumpkin and nothing else. And I broke
the pumpkin. And
you know, kids listen to the show, so
I'm not going to tell you how I broke
it, but
we needed we need to reshoot it today is
the bottom line.
And then he got mad at me because
Thad's like, "You can't use I can't
believe it's not butter when we grease
you up." Like, we got to use the real
thing. Like, you're the real thing. We
got to use the real thing.
you know, unless you want to start
calling yourself, I can't believe it's
not Beachbot. And I was like, no, no,
no. I don't want to do that.
I I really entertain myself.
All right,
I'm going to go try to make this day so
rad.
I'm going to go try to make this day so
awesome. My life was saved. So on that
note, I am going to go try to live a
life that was worth saving
and I hope you'll do the same.
Can I
D.
Hey.