WEBVTT

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Joe Rogan Podcast. Check it out. The Joe Rogan

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Experience. Train by day. Joe Rogan Podcast by

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night. All day. What's up, dog? Joe. Good to

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see you, my friend. Same here, man. What's crack

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-a -lackin'? Life is good. Happy to be in Austin,

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Texas. Happy to have you. Are you doing Kill

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Tony tonight? I'll show up at Kill Tony tonight.

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Nice. Of course. My guy. So happy for him. Yeah,

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he's killing it. He always talks about us as

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his early supporters. Oh, yeah, for sure. I love

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that guy. He's the best. I mean, that show is

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on fire. It's a fucking runaway train right now.

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Everywhere I go, Kill Tony, Kill Tony, Kill Tony.

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Love you on Kill Tony. It's such a fun show.

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You know, what a great idea. Kind of amazing

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nobody thought it up. Well, he just kind of put

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his open mics and his roasts and his personality

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and his friends and has built a community. It's

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kind of amazing. Oh, it's incredible. He's the

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new Johnny Carson. I mean, think about how many,

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like, Adam Ray's killing it, selling out giant

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theaters. All these guys that, you know, came

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through that show are fucking destroying now.

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This is our tribe, Joe. I know. I love it. It's

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amazing. It's a good time for comedy. Did I hear

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that you have a German shepherd? No. No, I have

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a golden retriever, and I have a cavalier King

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Charles Spaniel. Oh, okay. Little tiny fella.

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Somebody told me something different. No. I love

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German shepherds, but I don't have one. I have

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a German shepherd. They're the best. You have

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to exercise the shit out of them, though. Yeah.

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They need work. She loves to run around and dig

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and climb and adventures. They need tasks. They're

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not like my golden. He's just... Cool just chilling,

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laying on his back, getting his belly rubbed.

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Oh, I follow him on Instagram. Don't worry. He's

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the best. I look for my mornings with him. I

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mean, they're a very low -maintenance dog. And

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he's trained. You could train him very easily.

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But as far as like a guard dog and that kind

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of useless. My dog can like sit, stay, and run

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around frantically. I'll be like, run around

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frantically. And she'll just run around. Well,

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they have so much energy. Those dogs are just

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designed to work. I put her to work for two months

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this summer on Broadway. She came out at the

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end of my show and howled with me in the audience.

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She can howl on cue? We taught her. I had the

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same trainer that did Sandy from the show Annie,

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like from when I was a kid, Bill Bertolone. And

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he's like, I could teach her. She's like a wild

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rescue German shepherd from the desert. And there

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she was, like, came out, jumped on a couch, hit

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her mark, turned to the audience, and we, like,

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sang. Oh, that's awesome. She had her own dressing

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room. Nipsey. Her name's Nipsey. And then when

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the run was over, she was like, no more work.

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I need something else to do. Yeah, they need

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things to do. People that just have them and

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have them in an apartment and don't go anywhere,

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that's a crazy thing to do to a dog like that.

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Aw, look at her. Oh, my God. Wow. Look how sweet.

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So she's a rescue dog? She is. Where'd you find

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her? They found her in a... Bummy, a breeder

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in Reno during the pandemic. I had an old dog.

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I had an old senior dog that my ex found on the

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street. And we took care of her at the beginning

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of the pandemic. And the ex left, left the dog.

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So it was just me and this old beat -up street

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dog for a few months. And the vet was like, I

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got another, a puppy, German Shepherd. Oh, she

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was a puppy? This one was, yeah. Oh, that's great.

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So now it was like five years ago already. So

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she's my bestie. And we do everything. I mean,

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I just love her to pieces. Even getting on the

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plane to come here yesterday, part of me was

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like, should I bring her and let her run around

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the Four Seas for a couple days and whatever?

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Yeah. It's hard leaving them. It's like I have

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a kid. She looks at me, looking for the buzzwords.

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Are we going? Are we staying? Are we eating?

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I know. They get separation anxiety big time.

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And they get very attached to one person. Right.

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Yeah. You're her daddy. Oh, she's just so sweet.

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She'll lay in bed, never wakes me, rolls over,

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arms up, ready to get. She can't start the day

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without a full. Like, I almost, like, hold her

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legs and play her like a guitar. And she just,

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you know, tongues out, just complete euphoria.

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Once a week, I take all her collars off and just

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rub the neck, and just her eyes start watering.

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That's so cute. Highly right. I never was into

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dogs. I'm slightly allergic. My sister got snapped

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on by a Doberman when we were little, so I was

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always a little afraid. And then it was just

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kind of forced on me during the pandemic because

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all these dogs needed home. So now here I am.

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I'm a freaking doggy daddy. Oh, I love dogs.

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I've always had dogs. I will never not have dogs.

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I love them. I love them. What do you think it

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is? They're just these amazing creatures that

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just love the shit out of you. And especially

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if you train them from the time they're puppies

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and you give them nothing but love. Yeah. They're

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so connected to you. And then, you know, it's

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just awesome. You wake up in the morning and

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it's always positive. It's always, hello. I wake

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up with Marshall, and he starts whining and whimpering,

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and I do this thing in the morning. I go, good

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morning, sir. Good morning, sir. He's wagging

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his tail, and he's rolling around on his back,

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and I'm rubbing his belly, and he's giving me

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kisses. He loves it. He gets so excited to see

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me in the morning. It's like his ritual. He knows

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the ritual's coming. He's going to get all this

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love. Does he sleep in your room? No, no. My

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wife is a little bit allergic, so he sleeps outside

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the room. Right. But he is, he's just a giant

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love sponge. That's what he is. It's like he

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loves everybody. Everybody comes in the house,

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like he'd meet you for the first time. He's like,

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I can't believe you're here. He's just so excited

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to meet everybody. My dog checks everybody. She's

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got to like check them out first. Of course,

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German Shepherd. It's different. And if somebody

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has a chemical imbalance or a little off, she

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lets me know. Oh, yeah, you got screwball friends?

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Yeah, well, every now and then, you know, comics

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will be off their mitts, and they'll come over

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and be like, I used to know that person. I don't

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know that person anymore. The dog just, like,

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alerts me. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah, they're

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very watchful. You know, they're shepherds. They're

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protecting you. They're protecting their daddy.

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She's funny on the plane. Like, I've only flown

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with her twice, but, you know, once to New York

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and then once back after we were done on Broadway.

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And she's like, it was nine months later. She

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literally knew. How to walk on the plane, where

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to go, where her seat was. Like, remembers everything

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like a person. They're very smart dogs. Very

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smart dogs. It's one of the reasons why they

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need someone to exercise. Like, the dumbest dogs

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can just lay around and do nothing. Yeah. But

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really smart dogs, they need a lot of activity.

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Especially shepherds, because they're working

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dogs. If I leave her alone too long, she'll dig

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up the backyard. She needs something to do. Yeah,

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they get crazy. They're like an athlete. Yeah.

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You know, they need work. They need to go. And

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they don't need a lot of food. They don't need

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a lot. She's like... What do you feed her? You

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know, I used to overfeed her and give her a lot

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of table scraps and spoiler, and then I learned

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more recently that if I keep her to like a cup

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and a half of kibble a day, the vet recommended...

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You should get her on... Raw food. Raw food or

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fresh food. Oh, interesting. Yeah. I used to

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feed my dogs kibble, too. I had one dog that

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got cancer, and I read about all these dogs getting

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cancer. And, you know, they get fat so easy when

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you give them kibble. And it's just because that

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stuff can sit on a shelf forever. Yeah. It's

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like you wouldn't eat it. Why are they eating

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it? Right. It's not healthy for them. Sometimes

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I put a little turkey in the— Turkey's great.

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Real food is great. Real food for your dog is

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the way to go. I feed my dog farmer's dog. It

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comes frozen. It has to be frozen. Right. And

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the way they attack it versus the way they attack

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kibble, like kibble is like, okay, they're eating.

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No big deal. Yeah. But they just can't wait to

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eat this stuff. Like they get excited. Like the

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little guy, little Charlie, he literally leaps

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up in the air trying to get to the counter where

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when I'm putting the food in his bowl, he gets

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nuts. They love it. It's real food. It's human

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grade food for dogs. I have to check that out.

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Oh, yeah. It comes frozen. And also they give

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it to you the right portions. for your dog so

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you don't have to think about it. Like, you put

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in your dog's weight, what breed your dog is,

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and, you know, whether your dog's overweight

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or not, and they measure it out calorie -wise

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so it's specific to your dog. My dog's weight

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is good, but I got to get her to stop smoking.

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She's just got to stop. You know what? It's funny.

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She used to really hate when I light up a joint.

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Oh, really? When she was little, she'd run in

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the other room, but now she's just like, oh,

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that's daddy. Well, she'd probably get a little

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paranoid. I used to have a pit bull that she

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would get paranoid. She was in the room when

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we got high. And I was realizing, oh, this poor

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dog, she's getting high, too. She was a rescue

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dog, too. I found her. She was covered in mane.

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She was so sad. She was eating out of garbage

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cans. That's heartbreaking. Yeah. A friend of

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mine found her, and they took her in, and then

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they called me, and they said, do you want another

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dog? I had one dog already. I said, absolutely.

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And as soon as I saw her, I was like, oh. Yeah.

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They're good together. Yeah. It was so horrible.

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She was covered in mane. She had little scabs

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on her and everything. It all went away within

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like two months of food. But that dog, because

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of living on the street, she could never get

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enough food. She was always like raiding garbage

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cans and stuff. Like you'd have to lock up the

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garbage can, strap it down with a bungee cord.

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She would tip them over and she was never full.

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Even though she would like get fat, she was never

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full. Just in case. It was just, you know, she

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was starving when I found her. I had the old

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dog first and then the young German Shepherd.

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So the old one had all these street habits like

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that. And she taught him to the young dog. Like

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the young dog walks down the stairs as if she

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has a broken back hip. Oh, no. And she learned

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how to get in the car from an old dog. So two

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legs. She could leap right in. She's a kid. But

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she still goes two paws up and I have to pick

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her up. Yeah, that's how Marshall does it. Overprotective

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like the old dog. Yeah, Marshall, I think he

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probably could jump in my car, but it's like

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he knows I'll just lift him up because I've done

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it since he was a puppy. So we do this little

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thing. I go, you ready? He puts his paws out.

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I go, one, two, three. It's always one, two,

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three, up. So he gets ready. Do they talk to

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you? My dog howls with me in the morning. No,

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Marshall only talks when he wants to come inside.

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Like if he's outside, he'll just bark once at

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the door just to let you know. He's really good.

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He's the best dog. What does his bark sound like?

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Let me in. It's like, hey, I'm out here. Come

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on. You know, he's out until he's not. You know,

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he's out until he's bored. And then he just lets

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you know. He's not annoying. The old dog, if

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I had to put her, like, if, like, a guy came

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over to work on the house or something, I had

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to put her, like, in a bedroom or a bathroom.

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She was, you know, a big, big dog. She would

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gnaw on the handles. So I have a house full of,

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like, chrome. door handles that all have, like,

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bite marks in it. Like, the bite is amazing.

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Yeah, you got to give them things to chew on

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all the time. You know, there's chew toys all

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over my house. Yeah. Everywhere. My dog has,

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Marshall has, like, a big box filled with toys.

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Yeah. And it's like, and he just goes in and

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picks one out. Yeah, randomly. Yeah. Depends

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who it is. I go, what are you going to get? Which

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toy? And he's, like, looking around, picks one

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out. And then him and the little dog, they play

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tug of war. It's adorable. They get a toy. So

00:11:42.100 --> 00:11:43.820
they get along. Oh, my God. You knew they'd get

00:11:43.820 --> 00:11:45.960
along before you got the psycho. He's the easiest

00:11:45.960 --> 00:11:48.240
dog to get along with. He gets along with everything

00:11:48.240 --> 00:11:51.860
and everybody. Jamie's got a psycho dog. Jamie's

00:11:51.860 --> 00:11:53.399
got this little French bulldog that's like a

00:11:53.399 --> 00:11:57.639
little meat missile. Yeah. He's a nut. He's great.

00:11:57.799 --> 00:12:00.039
He's awesome. Oh, yeah. He's nuts. He's three.

00:12:00.059 --> 00:12:01.860
Almost three. He's two and a half. He's a little

00:12:01.860 --> 00:12:05.019
psycho. He's jacked. He's super jacked. Really?

00:12:05.039 --> 00:12:06.559
He's like this little French bulldog, but he's

00:12:06.559 --> 00:12:09.440
just fucking jacked. And him and Marshall just

00:12:09.440 --> 00:12:14.220
play insane. It's insane. Like, Carl throws himself

00:12:14.220 --> 00:12:16.120
through the air at Marshall. Because he knows

00:12:16.120 --> 00:12:17.580
that Marshall's, like, super gentle, and they

00:12:17.580 --> 00:12:19.980
just play back and forth, but it's adorable.

00:12:20.740 --> 00:12:24.240
If a dog is small enough. like a little chihuahua

00:12:24.240 --> 00:12:27.279
type dog, they can put their head inside. My

00:12:27.279 --> 00:12:29.179
dog will just open her mouth and let another

00:12:29.179 --> 00:12:32.360
dog just roll her head inside her mouth. No instincts.

00:12:32.779 --> 00:12:34.960
Yeah, it's crazy. It just wants it to play. It's

00:12:34.960 --> 00:12:37.679
just nuts that those used to be wolves. They've

00:12:37.679 --> 00:12:39.740
turned wolves into these little tiny things you

00:12:39.740 --> 00:12:42.980
could carry around. I mean, in a thousand years,

00:12:43.220 --> 00:12:46.159
are they getting smarter the way humans are evolving?

00:12:46.299 --> 00:12:49.120
I wonder. That's a good question. I wonder. I

00:12:49.120 --> 00:12:50.559
mean, I think there would have to be a reason

00:12:50.559 --> 00:12:54.059
for them to get smarter. Some dogs are, like

00:12:54.059 --> 00:12:56.759
the dogs that are trained, like a Belgian Malinois,

00:12:56.940 --> 00:13:00.879
those are really smart dogs. Those are military

00:13:00.879 --> 00:13:04.679
dogs. Those dogs, you cannot just leave that

00:13:04.679 --> 00:13:08.059
dog alone. It's like a shepherd times 10. They

00:13:08.059 --> 00:13:10.519
look like shepherds sort of, but those dogs,

00:13:10.700 --> 00:13:14.980
they're so intelligent. They are constantly scanning

00:13:14.980 --> 00:13:17.120
everything and looking for everything. They know

00:13:17.120 --> 00:13:19.909
when you're weird. They know everything. Yeah.

00:13:20.029 --> 00:13:22.470
So those dogs have to be smart because they have

00:13:22.470 --> 00:13:24.870
jobs, you know. They use them like those are

00:13:24.870 --> 00:13:27.549
the dogs they sicced on like Osama bin Laden's

00:13:27.549 --> 00:13:29.230
crew. Right. You know, they open the door and

00:13:29.230 --> 00:13:33.210
they breach. Dogs run in. Incredible. Yeah. My

00:13:33.210 --> 00:13:35.509
dog's such a wimp compared to all that. So's

00:13:35.509 --> 00:13:37.629
mine. She just wants to play. Yeah, these are

00:13:37.629 --> 00:13:39.309
the only dogs that, well, I've had a couple dogs

00:13:39.309 --> 00:13:42.929
before. Like I had a dog that was a Shibu Inu

00:13:42.929 --> 00:13:47.000
mix and he was kind of a pussy. And I had a Mastiff

00:13:47.000 --> 00:13:49.960
before that. But mostly I've had like big guard

00:13:49.960 --> 00:13:54.000
dogs. Right. These are the first dogs I've had

00:13:54.000 --> 00:13:58.200
that are not guarding shit. Marshall's not guarding

00:13:58.200 --> 00:14:00.120
shit. They guard your emotions, buddy. They guard

00:14:00.120 --> 00:14:02.899
your emotions. They're just sweet. They're just

00:14:02.899 --> 00:14:04.860
awesome to have. It's like you just have love

00:14:04.860 --> 00:14:07.220
around you all the time, and they're never in

00:14:07.220 --> 00:14:09.320
a bad mood. There's never a day where he's never

00:14:09.320 --> 00:14:12.039
had a bad day in his life. Every day is a great

00:14:12.039 --> 00:14:14.860
day. Every day he's happy. Even if you're not

00:14:14.860 --> 00:14:17.289
there? Well, he gets sad if I'm not there for

00:14:17.289 --> 00:14:20.370
sure. But like I pull out the ball. It's always

00:14:20.370 --> 00:14:22.129
the same thing. It's never like one day I'm like,

00:14:22.210 --> 00:14:23.570
maybe he's going to get bored of this fucking

00:14:23.570 --> 00:14:26.950
ball. Nope. I pull out that ball. Oh, oh, the

00:14:26.950 --> 00:14:31.610
ball. The ball's out. Let's go. Bouncing around,

00:14:31.830 --> 00:14:34.769
wagging his tail, jumping up. I got a ball. It's

00:14:34.769 --> 00:14:37.850
got like the stick. Like it's like a long curved

00:14:37.850 --> 00:14:39.610
stick so you can throw the ball further. Yeah,

00:14:39.610 --> 00:14:40.950
yeah, yeah, of course. And, you know, he just

00:14:40.950 --> 00:14:43.690
starts leaping up towards the stick. He gets

00:14:43.690 --> 00:14:45.480
so pumped. I'm like. One day he's going to get

00:14:45.480 --> 00:14:47.299
bored of this. Nope. He's nine years old. He's

00:14:47.299 --> 00:14:49.500
never getting bored of it. When I come up the

00:14:49.500 --> 00:14:51.879
stairs, if she sees that I have my sneakers on,

00:14:52.059 --> 00:14:54.860
she starts stretching like an Olympian. Let's

00:14:54.860 --> 00:14:58.820
go. Time to go. Yeah. Dogs are awesome. People

00:14:58.820 --> 00:15:00.940
that don't have them, I feel bad for them. Like

00:15:00.940 --> 00:15:03.580
you're missing a lot of love in your life. Especially

00:15:03.580 --> 00:15:05.919
like people that live alone. You know, it's like

00:15:05.919 --> 00:15:07.940
you always have a friend. You always have someone.

00:15:07.960 --> 00:15:10.539
I talk to my dog. Like I have conversations with

00:15:10.539 --> 00:15:13.179
him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? And there's...

00:15:13.419 --> 00:15:15.080
does marshall look you in the eyes when you're

00:15:15.080 --> 00:15:17.639
talking oh yeah oh yeah it's a real friend oh

00:15:17.639 --> 00:15:21.120
he's he's like the most loving creature i've

00:15:21.120 --> 00:15:23.899
ever encountered Do you tell the dog stuff you

00:15:23.899 --> 00:15:26.139
wouldn't tell your family or your friends? No.

00:15:26.419 --> 00:15:28.720
Sometimes I'm like, hey, Nipsey, man, I probably

00:15:28.720 --> 00:15:34.039
shouldn't have said that to her. She has emotional,

00:15:34.139 --> 00:15:36.620
like she knows when I'm happy, sad, nervous,

00:15:36.860 --> 00:15:39.759
sick. Mostly it's baby talk. Mostly it's like,

00:15:39.799 --> 00:15:44.299
oh, he's my buddy. He watches TV with me. Climbs

00:15:44.299 --> 00:15:46.500
up on the couch and sits on my lap. Puts his

00:15:46.500 --> 00:15:48.740
head on my lap. The best. Yeah. And when there's

00:15:48.740 --> 00:15:51.179
animals on TV, he parks his head up. Yeah. You

00:15:51.179 --> 00:15:53.259
know, because it's a big TV. And so he's like,

00:15:53.360 --> 00:15:55.659
what the fuck is that? Is that real? He has to.

00:15:56.000 --> 00:16:00.240
When Nipsey first came out from the desert, she

00:16:00.240 --> 00:16:02.480
was, you know, like six, seven month old, you

00:16:02.480 --> 00:16:05.340
know, puppy, but still a sizable dog. German

00:16:05.340 --> 00:16:07.620
Shepherd at six months is already like a dog.

00:16:08.139 --> 00:16:11.279
And the old dog, which was. Old, you know, on

00:16:11.279 --> 00:16:15.820
her deathbed, but wise, street wise. She was

00:16:15.820 --> 00:16:17.960
on the floor and the puppy was up on my bed.

00:16:18.000 --> 00:16:22.240
It was her first night in a home. And I put on

00:16:22.240 --> 00:16:26.820
TV. I put on House of Cards. And it was this

00:16:26.820 --> 00:16:30.409
daunting kind of scary music. And the dog's just

00:16:30.409 --> 00:16:32.509
watching, and it's like a shadowy figure. It

00:16:32.509 --> 00:16:34.769
was Kevin Spacey coming down the hall, his character

00:16:34.769 --> 00:16:38.169
coming down the hall. And as this, like, man

00:16:38.169 --> 00:16:41.370
was revealed full screen on a big screen, Nipsey

00:16:41.370 --> 00:16:43.990
did a backflip, fell off the bed, and ran and

00:16:43.990 --> 00:16:48.529
hid in the closet. And the old dog, Nada, was

00:16:48.529 --> 00:16:50.990
like, oh, boy, she had to, like, pull herself

00:16:50.990 --> 00:16:54.710
up in her bad legs and go in the closet and tell

00:16:54.710 --> 00:17:01.250
her to come back out. Now, listen, it's TV. It's

00:17:01.250 --> 00:17:02.990
almost time for spring break. So maybe you're

00:17:02.990 --> 00:17:05.109
headed to the beach or maybe you're taking the

00:17:05.109 --> 00:17:07.750
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00:17:07.750 --> 00:17:09.990
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00:18:05.529 --> 00:18:09.210
.com slash joerogan. House of Cards, what a fucking

00:18:09.210 --> 00:18:11.369
show that was. Oh, yeah. Oh, what a fucking show.

00:18:11.509 --> 00:18:12.890
They never should have done that last season.

00:18:13.470 --> 00:18:15.509
Once Kevin Spacey got canceled, they should have

00:18:15.509 --> 00:18:18.009
just canceled it. It was done. Or, you know,

00:18:18.069 --> 00:18:21.890
not. Right. Such a good fucking show. That was

00:18:21.890 --> 00:18:25.109
a great show. It's crazy. I saw him. He was in

00:18:25.109 --> 00:18:29.410
Israel doing some weird thing where he was, like,

00:18:29.430 --> 00:18:32.890
doing, like, a song and dance routine in a small

00:18:32.890 --> 00:18:35.990
club recently. Like he's been kind of reduced

00:18:35.990 --> 00:18:39.609
to doing that for money. Is that reduced or is

00:18:39.609 --> 00:18:42.890
that part of the comeback? You got to start.

00:18:43.069 --> 00:18:45.309
I don't know. I mean, it's something. I mean,

00:18:45.329 --> 00:18:48.650
I guess he's just making money. You know, he's

00:18:48.650 --> 00:18:52.009
completely bankrupt. He lost everything. It's

00:18:52.009 --> 00:18:55.329
crazy. Show business. Well, it's not just show

00:18:55.329 --> 00:18:59.230
business, right? It's also what did you do? You

00:18:59.230 --> 00:19:01.170
know, what did you get caught for? You know.

00:19:02.140 --> 00:19:05.299
He was an old -school dick -grabber. A lot of

00:19:05.299 --> 00:19:07.160
those old -school guys. No one really likes that,

00:19:07.279 --> 00:19:09.920
getting their dick grabbed like that. Some gay

00:19:09.920 --> 00:19:13.319
guys do, I think. I think what he did probably

00:19:13.319 --> 00:19:16.400
worked on some guys. You know what I'm saying?

00:19:16.579 --> 00:19:18.759
Right. Like, gay guys have a whole different

00:19:18.759 --> 00:19:22.319
way of interacting with each other that we don't

00:19:22.319 --> 00:19:26.119
have. But I think with Spacey, it was like some

00:19:26.119 --> 00:19:28.839
of those fellas were young, and that's the problem.

00:19:31.210 --> 00:19:34.809
It's power. It's like in the gay community, there's

00:19:34.809 --> 00:19:37.329
a lot of guys that think it's okay for young

00:19:37.329 --> 00:19:42.549
gay guys who are underage to hook up with older

00:19:42.549 --> 00:19:47.130
gay guys. That's like Milo Yiannopoulos. Remember

00:19:47.130 --> 00:19:49.609
him? He actually talked about that on my show.

00:19:49.789 --> 00:19:52.170
He was talking about when he was 14, he hooked

00:19:52.170 --> 00:19:55.009
up with this older guy. And he's like, trust

00:19:55.009 --> 00:19:57.569
me, I was the predator. He was like saying that

00:19:57.569 --> 00:19:59.450
he was going after the guy. I was like, all right.

00:20:00.160 --> 00:20:03.380
But it's different. In their eyes, I mean, I'm

00:20:03.380 --> 00:20:05.279
just speaking for gay guys that I've talked to.

00:20:05.440 --> 00:20:07.960
It's different in their eyes than, you know,

00:20:07.960 --> 00:20:11.559
an adult male and a young female. Right. You

00:20:11.559 --> 00:20:14.460
know. But Kevin Spacey's a fucking unbelievable

00:20:14.460 --> 00:20:18.140
actor. That fucking House of Cards was so good.

00:20:18.700 --> 00:20:22.799
It was so good. Such a good show. I'm glad it's

00:20:22.799 --> 00:20:24.500
still out there, you know, because there's a

00:20:24.500 --> 00:20:26.099
lot of stuff. It was so good, it made me miss.

00:20:26.569 --> 00:20:29.089
And re -watch West Wing. That's how good it was.

00:20:29.230 --> 00:20:32.450
I never watched that. I think I maybe watched

00:20:32.450 --> 00:20:34.170
one or two episodes. It's like an idealistic

00:20:34.170 --> 00:20:38.690
version of what politics could be. Right. Martin

00:20:38.690 --> 00:20:41.910
Sheen is like the president we wish we had. It

00:20:41.910 --> 00:20:45.130
was a long time ago. But he's also controversial.

00:20:45.230 --> 00:20:48.250
He's hiding a medical thing. It got way ahead

00:20:48.250 --> 00:20:50.529
of a lot of the modern day stories. Like Biden.

00:20:50.849 --> 00:20:56.579
Yeah. Yeah. His wife's a doctor, so she's helping

00:20:56.579 --> 00:21:00.420
him. Well, we always have these idealistic ideas

00:21:00.420 --> 00:21:03.339
of who we want to be our leader. And the thing

00:21:03.339 --> 00:21:06.119
about the Kevin Spacey character was, like, that's

00:21:06.119 --> 00:21:10.500
probably more realistic. Like, that guy is more

00:21:10.500 --> 00:21:13.779
realistic. Well, as we get older, we understand

00:21:13.779 --> 00:21:16.740
you've got to be cutthroat to make it. There's

00:21:16.740 --> 00:21:19.380
got to be a certain killer instinct in a president.

00:21:19.680 --> 00:21:22.359
You're also most likely deeply compromised by

00:21:22.359 --> 00:21:24.579
the time you get into office. Which is the only

00:21:24.579 --> 00:21:27.079
way you navigate those worlds. Like everybody's

00:21:27.079 --> 00:21:29.099
compromised. Everybody's gone to that eyes wide

00:21:29.099 --> 00:21:33.680
shut party. Right. I couldn't get in just for

00:21:33.680 --> 00:21:38.119
the record. Yeah, me neither. I don't want to

00:21:38.119 --> 00:21:40.900
get in. I know. That's a good thing. A dog can

00:21:40.900 --> 00:21:42.740
kind of save your career because, like, you get

00:21:42.740 --> 00:21:44.700
invited to some wild sex party. You'll be like,

00:21:44.759 --> 00:21:47.000
my dog's been waiting for me for five hours.

00:21:47.059 --> 00:21:49.559
Sorry, I can't go. Yeah, meanwhile, it's better

00:21:49.559 --> 00:21:51.359
to just hang out with your dog. You'll have a

00:21:51.359 --> 00:21:53.319
better time and you won't feel gross in the morning,

00:21:53.400 --> 00:21:55.579
I guess. But I think a lot of those people are

00:21:55.579 --> 00:21:57.339
sociopaths. They probably don't even feel gross

00:21:57.339 --> 00:22:00.539
ever. I was out all weekend for the Fanatics

00:22:00.539 --> 00:22:04.200
football stuff. Travis Scott's DJing till 3 in

00:22:04.200 --> 00:22:06.019
the morning. What is the Fanatics football stuff?

00:22:06.079 --> 00:22:08.079
They had a flag football tournament in L .A.

00:22:08.140 --> 00:22:10.019
It was supposed to be in Riyadh, and they had

00:22:10.019 --> 00:22:14.099
to move it to L .A. Tom Brady and the Fanatics.

00:22:15.299 --> 00:22:18.180
What's the Fanatics? It's like, I guess it's

00:22:18.180 --> 00:22:20.140
a branding company. They do all the jerseys.

00:22:20.140 --> 00:22:24.359
They do all the... Oh. Michael Rubin and Michael

00:22:24.359 --> 00:22:27.160
Ratner, two friends of mine, did this flag football

00:22:27.160 --> 00:22:29.900
game. And I was just partying. I just took the

00:22:29.900 --> 00:22:32.140
weekend off, and I'm, like, seeing all the football

00:22:32.140 --> 00:22:35.779
players. And it was just so much fun. And then...

00:22:36.480 --> 00:22:38.680
Just as the party's really getting hot, I'm like,

00:22:38.799 --> 00:22:42.640
I miss my dog. I'm going home. Yeah, there's

00:22:42.640 --> 00:22:44.000
always this thing in the back of your head, like,

00:22:44.039 --> 00:22:46.099
I got to get home. He's been home alone for five

00:22:46.099 --> 00:22:48.900
hours. He's been home alone for six hours. I'm

00:22:48.900 --> 00:22:51.339
thinking about him. He has to pee. He's a good

00:22:51.339 --> 00:22:53.019
boy. He's not going to pee in the house, but

00:22:53.019 --> 00:22:56.079
he's probably holding it in and upset. Yeah.

00:22:58.420 --> 00:23:01.099
Isn't it nuts? Like, people think, especially

00:23:01.099 --> 00:23:03.900
comics, you know, we want to be up late, getting

00:23:03.900 --> 00:23:07.859
drunk, fucking off. being retarded, doing drugs.

00:23:08.039 --> 00:23:10.339
You just want to get home. Yeah. Want to get

00:23:10.339 --> 00:23:13.980
home, chill out, relax, watch TV. I feel like

00:23:13.980 --> 00:23:16.180
if I had a dog when I was starting out in comedy,

00:23:16.259 --> 00:23:18.700
I would have been more disciplined. I would have

00:23:18.700 --> 00:23:20.480
been coming home instead of staying out all night.

00:23:20.619 --> 00:23:23.359
I kind of regret that a little bit. You regret

00:23:23.359 --> 00:23:25.859
staying out all night? Well, I mean, you know

00:23:25.859 --> 00:23:28.680
how it is. You do your set, you start hanging

00:23:28.680 --> 00:23:31.339
out in the club, in the comedy club, and drinking

00:23:31.339 --> 00:23:34.079
or eating or whatever. But there's a certain,

00:23:34.259 --> 00:23:38.059
I don't know. You go home and you're up earlier,

00:23:38.140 --> 00:23:40.359
you get more done the next day. Oh, absolutely.

00:23:40.700 --> 00:23:43.240
Well, it's just you feel better. It's hard to

00:23:43.240 --> 00:23:46.440
leave when you're having fun. It's also you feel

00:23:46.440 --> 00:23:49.700
like you're a part of a different society, a

00:23:49.700 --> 00:23:51.579
society of people who don't have a regular job.

00:23:51.920 --> 00:23:56.059
You've got freedom. You're your own boss. I grew

00:23:56.059 --> 00:23:59.279
up, I lost my parents as a teenager. So I live

00:23:59.279 --> 00:24:03.400
every day like I could die tomorrow. So I never

00:24:03.400 --> 00:24:06.539
want to leave. I have ultimate FOMO all the time.

00:24:06.599 --> 00:24:08.799
I never want to miss an event, a party. I went

00:24:08.799 --> 00:24:11.759
to the Super Bowl. I went to All -Star Weekend.

00:24:11.759 --> 00:24:14.960
I want to go to the Grammys. I love life. I want

00:24:14.960 --> 00:24:17.980
to make the most out of it all the time. It works

00:24:17.980 --> 00:24:20.200
against me sometimes, I think. That's interesting,

00:24:20.359 --> 00:24:22.640
right? It's the plus side of experiencing loss

00:24:22.640 --> 00:24:26.390
when you're young. You really want. You really

00:24:26.390 --> 00:24:29.390
relish life. You want to make the most out of

00:24:29.390 --> 00:24:31.269
it. You want to enjoy it while it's here. Yeah.

00:24:31.809 --> 00:24:35.710
Yeah. One of the things I say on my show is I

00:24:35.710 --> 00:24:39.210
learned early on human beings were made to mourn

00:24:39.210 --> 00:24:42.910
and move on. You can't mourn forever or a part

00:24:42.910 --> 00:24:46.109
of you dies, and that's not fair. Right. So it

00:24:46.109 --> 00:24:49.529
gave me this sort of zest for living. You take

00:24:49.529 --> 00:24:52.829
that loss as a young person, you're afraid at

00:24:52.829 --> 00:24:55.690
any second. It's hard to make long -term plans.

00:24:56.349 --> 00:24:59.390
Are your parents still alive? Yeah, it's an amazing,

00:24:59.549 --> 00:25:02.690
amazing blessing. And sometimes when you lose

00:25:02.690 --> 00:25:06.930
people young, you live in the constant fear that

00:25:06.930 --> 00:25:09.210
it's all going to fall apart. Yeah, I've lost

00:25:09.210 --> 00:25:13.109
a lot of friends. Sometimes I look at my contact

00:25:13.109 --> 00:25:16.259
list when I get a new phone. and you're swapping

00:25:16.259 --> 00:25:19.900
over contacts, and I'm like, oh, fuck. I've got

00:25:19.900 --> 00:25:22.920
like 20 dead people on my contact list. Some

00:25:22.920 --> 00:25:27.119
of them I just keep in there. I got old phones

00:25:27.119 --> 00:25:29.420
where Bourdain was texting me. I just kept the

00:25:29.420 --> 00:25:30.799
phone. I'm like, I'm never throwing this phone

00:25:30.799 --> 00:25:34.220
away. It's a bunch of friends who have just gone.

00:25:34.220 --> 00:25:37.180
I look at Bob Saget's texts all the time. I listen

00:25:37.180 --> 00:25:40.680
to Gilbert Gottfried's voicemails. Yeah, I know

00:25:40.680 --> 00:25:42.900
what you mean, yeah. It just brings me right

00:25:42.900 --> 00:25:45.980
back to that. Those two guys, those were two

00:25:45.980 --> 00:25:48.160
tough ones. Those were two really tough ones.

00:25:48.519 --> 00:25:51.279
There's that famous picture of me, Norm, Gilbert,

00:25:51.359 --> 00:25:56.400
and Bob that Adam Egatt took at Jones Restaurant

00:25:56.400 --> 00:26:00.779
in Hollywood. And I show that in my special,

00:26:00.859 --> 00:26:04.039
and I talk about each one, do like a tribute

00:26:04.039 --> 00:26:07.539
to Norm. I do a tribute to Gilbert, whose family

00:26:07.539 --> 00:26:10.119
is a big part of my family now. His kids are

00:26:10.119 --> 00:26:12.039
great kids. His daughter goes to school here

00:26:12.039 --> 00:26:15.140
in Texas, in Austin. And there it is. There it

00:26:15.140 --> 00:26:20.460
is. And Bob, who just became a grandfather. So

00:26:20.460 --> 00:26:23.759
they left quite a legacy, those guys. And I really

00:26:23.759 --> 00:26:25.779
loved them. And they would make me laugh. You

00:26:25.779 --> 00:26:27.380
know, I would just set them up and they would

00:26:27.380 --> 00:26:29.759
go. And I would laugh until I was dying laughing.

00:26:30.460 --> 00:26:33.819
Fucking Norm. What a legend. The king. Such a

00:26:33.819 --> 00:26:38.289
great guy, too. He was so funny, too. And his

00:26:38.289 --> 00:26:40.349
clips, I don't know if it's my algorithm or what,

00:26:40.450 --> 00:26:43.430
but you would think Norm is making comedy content

00:26:43.430 --> 00:26:45.849
every day if you looked at my algorithm. Well,

00:26:45.869 --> 00:26:48.109
mine, too. I think a lot of people. So, like,

00:26:48.109 --> 00:26:49.809
people just share them because, you know, he

00:26:49.809 --> 00:26:51.890
had so many funny things to say about everything.

00:26:52.049 --> 00:26:55.390
And such a unique perspective. Just an unusual

00:26:55.390 --> 00:27:00.670
state of mind. He's the best. I have a theory

00:27:00.670 --> 00:27:04.490
that Canadians... I'm from New Jersey. So I feel

00:27:04.490 --> 00:27:07.589
like New Jersey, I grew up as an outsider to

00:27:07.589 --> 00:27:10.450
New York. We had a route for New York sports

00:27:10.450 --> 00:27:12.910
teams. We had to listen to New York radio stations

00:27:12.910 --> 00:27:17.230
as a kid, TV stations. And Canada has that with

00:27:17.230 --> 00:27:20.410
America. Right. So I think they always feel like

00:27:20.410 --> 00:27:22.930
comedians feel like outsiders a little bit. I

00:27:22.930 --> 00:27:25.650
feel like Canadians kind of have that. Harland,

00:27:25.690 --> 00:27:28.430
he's Canadian. I mean, Canadian comedians, you

00:27:28.430 --> 00:27:31.859
could go all day. Tom Green. Yeah. Yeah. Jim

00:27:31.859 --> 00:27:34.640
Carrey. Jim Carrey. A lot of Canadians. Caroline

00:27:34.640 --> 00:27:41.480
Ray. And a lot more. John Candy, right? Yeah.

00:27:41.559 --> 00:27:45.220
John Candy was a Canadian. Yeah. Martin Short.

00:27:45.579 --> 00:27:49.799
Was he? Is he? He is. I think so. He's still

00:27:49.799 --> 00:27:52.680
with us. Those SCTV people. That's right. Yeah.

00:27:52.880 --> 00:27:57.180
Martin Short is... He had a rough month. He lost

00:27:57.180 --> 00:28:00.799
somebody very close to him, but he's... Still

00:28:00.799 --> 00:28:03.000
one of the funniest people in the world. Oh,

00:28:03.019 --> 00:28:05.579
he was brilliant. All those fucking crazy characters.

00:28:07.019 --> 00:28:10.700
Oh, my God. I was at a birthday party once. It

00:28:10.700 --> 00:28:13.140
was like Paul Rudd's 50th birthday party years

00:28:13.140 --> 00:28:15.900
ago. And I remember everybody was like, let's

00:28:15.900 --> 00:28:18.180
do karaoke. And everybody wanted to start. Everybody

00:28:18.180 --> 00:28:20.599
was too, like, shy to, like, do karaoke first.

00:28:20.740 --> 00:28:24.119
And Martin Short walked up to the mic, belted

00:28:24.119 --> 00:28:27.000
out, like, a Sinatra song, dropped the mic, and

00:28:27.000 --> 00:28:30.069
walked out. to the valet and left just like kicked

00:28:30.069 --> 00:28:33.809
it off and went fly me to the moon and he was

00:28:33.809 --> 00:28:39.210
gone it's weird when you get older and you realize

00:28:39.210 --> 00:28:42.549
how many guys have passed like Patrice comes

00:28:42.549 --> 00:28:45.849
up in my algorithm all the time and you know

00:28:45.849 --> 00:28:49.789
you just watch old clips I went on a binge a

00:28:49.789 --> 00:28:52.309
few months back of him on Opie and Anthony yeah

00:28:54.819 --> 00:28:57.160
Ruthless. He would have been the number one podcast

00:28:57.160 --> 00:29:00.119
in the world if he was alive today. Patrice?

00:29:00.359 --> 00:29:02.519
Yeah. If he had a podcast. Because he probably

00:29:02.519 --> 00:29:05.519
would have. I mean, it's a perfect normal transition

00:29:05.519 --> 00:29:08.359
from Opie and Anthony to podcasting. Right. He

00:29:08.359 --> 00:29:10.220
would have probably had the best podcast in the

00:29:10.220 --> 00:29:12.960
world. Except the guests would never get to talk

00:29:12.960 --> 00:29:15.779
at all. Yeah, it wouldn't matter. He would be

00:29:15.779 --> 00:29:21.650
dressing them down. Patrice's greatness at the

00:29:21.650 --> 00:29:24.369
Charlie Sheen roast I always talk about is he

00:29:24.369 --> 00:29:29.970
went on last and he was like, we booked him late.

00:29:30.089 --> 00:29:32.930
He never wanted to do a roast. And he said, I

00:29:32.930 --> 00:29:34.509
don't know this one. I don't know that one. And

00:29:34.509 --> 00:29:36.910
finally I called him one day. I go, we're roasting

00:29:36.910 --> 00:29:40.690
Charlie Sheen. He goes, oh. He goes, I don't

00:29:40.690 --> 00:29:42.950
know Charlie Sheen, but I think I could do that.

00:29:43.349 --> 00:29:45.809
I go, you know him. You don't know him, but you

00:29:45.809 --> 00:29:50.859
know. And he goes, All right, I'm coming. He

00:29:50.859 --> 00:29:53.799
dresses total rock star, like a leather suit,

00:29:54.039 --> 00:29:58.599
like this whole fantasy Patrice in his head.

00:29:58.839 --> 00:30:00.960
And then the day of the show, he's complaining

00:30:00.960 --> 00:30:03.039
about his material. He's like, I don't know,

00:30:03.079 --> 00:30:04.980
all these writers, they don't know me. This isn't

00:30:04.980 --> 00:30:08.799
me. I go, Patrice, fuck all that. Pay attention

00:30:08.799 --> 00:30:12.440
and roast the roast. Just roast the roast. Make

00:30:12.440 --> 00:30:15.359
mental notes. Clock it all. Let them see you

00:30:15.359 --> 00:30:17.339
taking it in, and then just go on and talk about

00:30:17.339 --> 00:30:19.759
what you just saw. And that's what he did. No,

00:30:19.779 --> 00:30:22.319
it was brilliant. Did you see Charlie Sheen's

00:30:22.319 --> 00:30:25.079
Netflix documentary? I haven't. It's fucking

00:30:25.079 --> 00:30:30.000
great, man. It's crazy. It's crazy. Like, he

00:30:30.000 --> 00:30:32.160
talks about everything. He talks about the first

00:30:32.160 --> 00:30:33.940
time he smoked crack. A girl was giving him a

00:30:33.940 --> 00:30:35.900
blowjob when he smoked crack. How else are you

00:30:35.900 --> 00:30:38.859
supposed to do it? He said it's the best experience

00:30:38.859 --> 00:30:41.039
he's ever had. He says he's never topped it.

00:30:41.259 --> 00:30:45.759
Wow. Yeah. Wow. Makes you want to try it. Makes

00:30:45.759 --> 00:30:49.619
you, like, think, maybe. He was a fascinating

00:30:49.619 --> 00:30:52.740
guest, too, having him in here. It's like, that

00:30:52.740 --> 00:30:55.900
guy's been through so much shit, and he's okay.

00:30:56.759 --> 00:31:00.500
You know, it's like, how is he alive? Some people

00:31:00.500 --> 00:31:03.380
are just different, right? Tiger Blood? I was

00:31:03.380 --> 00:31:04.759
on tour with him that whole time. That's right.

00:31:05.019 --> 00:31:06.920
That's right. You were doing that thing with

00:31:06.920 --> 00:31:10.279
him. What happened was when he got kicked off

00:31:10.279 --> 00:31:12.680
of Two and a Half Men and he went kind of kooky,

00:31:12.779 --> 00:31:15.819
he decided to do this whirlwind tour. And the

00:31:15.819 --> 00:31:17.920
first one he did, he tried to go and just wing

00:31:17.920 --> 00:31:20.660
it. Torpedo of truth. Yeah. That's what he called

00:31:20.660 --> 00:31:22.640
it. The winging it one did not work. No. But

00:31:22.640 --> 00:31:24.579
then when he started doing it with you and he

00:31:24.579 --> 00:31:26.559
did it with Russell, Russell Peters did a bunch

00:31:26.559 --> 00:31:29.859
of them with him. With comics, it actually worked.

00:31:30.650 --> 00:31:32.369
Because, like, you would have someone to bounce

00:31:32.369 --> 00:31:34.970
stuff off of, and they knew how to be entertaining

00:31:34.970 --> 00:31:38.710
and keep the flow going. Right. Yeah. And then

00:31:38.710 --> 00:31:41.269
you got into those stories, and it was amazing.

00:31:41.529 --> 00:31:44.269
Yeah. It totally turned around. The first one

00:31:44.269 --> 00:31:46.930
I did was in Atlantic City, and he called me

00:31:46.930 --> 00:31:52.450
the night before. And I was in L .A. at a party.

00:31:52.829 --> 00:31:54.670
And everyone's like, yeah, yeah, go do it, go

00:31:54.670 --> 00:31:57.609
do it. So I caught a, like, 6 a .m. He called

00:31:57.609 --> 00:31:59.509
you the night before? What did he say? He's like,

00:31:59.569 --> 00:32:02.069
my shows aren't going good. I didn't know him.

00:32:02.289 --> 00:32:04.809
He goes, you know, like, all these different

00:32:04.809 --> 00:32:07.390
people keep telling me, Simon Rex, you know,

00:32:07.410 --> 00:32:09.710
other friends of his kept saying, Jeff Ross could

00:32:09.710 --> 00:32:12.710
come out and roast you and save this. So I just

00:32:12.710 --> 00:32:15.289
wrote jokes all night. You know, left the party,

00:32:15.369 --> 00:32:18.349
wrote jokes, caught a 6 a .m., flew. I walk into

00:32:18.349 --> 00:32:20.230
his dressing room like an hour before. Chuck

00:32:20.230 --> 00:32:23.369
Zito is literally staring me down going, don't

00:32:23.369 --> 00:32:25.549
be too mean to my guy. You know, like they're

00:32:25.549 --> 00:32:27.990
just trying to scare me. And I'm like, I'm here

00:32:27.990 --> 00:32:32.410
to like, I'm a comedian, you know. And Charlie

00:32:32.410 --> 00:32:35.690
was really cool. And I told his road manager,

00:32:35.930 --> 00:32:38.930
he goes, what do you need? I go, I need. a podium

00:32:38.930 --> 00:32:42.009
to roll out the big arenas i want to make it

00:32:42.009 --> 00:32:44.690
like a show and i need a hazmat suit because

00:32:44.690 --> 00:32:47.769
he'd been bombing for like a week every single

00:32:47.769 --> 00:32:49.569
night i'm gonna come out i go i heard there's

00:32:49.569 --> 00:32:52.589
a bomb scare i roll out it's jersey so it's my

00:32:52.589 --> 00:32:55.910
crowd and i just start roasting him and it went

00:32:55.910 --> 00:32:57.789
well and i was like if you're winning because

00:32:57.789 --> 00:32:59.809
he's always like winning winning i'm like if

00:32:59.809 --> 00:33:01.569
you're winning something's wrong with the fucking

00:33:01.569 --> 00:33:08.920
scoreboard Old Jeff with hair, duh, winning.

00:33:09.220 --> 00:33:13.420
Look at that. Boy, he looks so skinny. That's

00:33:13.420 --> 00:33:16.180
a look of a guy who does coke. Look how ripped

00:33:16.180 --> 00:33:21.480
he is. Jesus. Oh, man. He was up all night. He

00:33:21.480 --> 00:33:23.839
was like. So he was still partying hard back

00:33:23.839 --> 00:33:26.619
then. You know, it's hard to say. Had to be.

00:33:26.940 --> 00:33:29.059
He didn't let me see that side of it. I'm sure

00:33:29.059 --> 00:33:33.930
he was. There's no chance he was clean. Oh, that's

00:33:33.930 --> 00:33:35.930
right. He was a warlock. A warlock with tiger

00:33:35.930 --> 00:33:39.369
blood. Right. Violent Torpedo of Truth tour kicks

00:33:39.369 --> 00:33:44.750
off in Detroit. TV star is booed offstage. Yeah.

00:33:45.029 --> 00:33:47.670
So then after that, they kept calling and going,

00:33:47.769 --> 00:33:49.609
can you do this date? Can you do that date? It

00:33:49.609 --> 00:33:51.430
was like more money than I'd ever made for a

00:33:51.430 --> 00:33:53.750
one -nighter. So I just started getting on the

00:33:53.750 --> 00:33:55.950
bus and the plane with them. How many dates did

00:33:55.950 --> 00:34:00.170
you guys do? I wound up doing eight. And Russell,

00:34:00.309 --> 00:34:01.920
how many did you do? I don't know. I don't know.

00:34:02.000 --> 00:34:03.819
So you just had different comics? Who else did

00:34:03.819 --> 00:34:06.440
it? I don't remember anyone else but me, so that's

00:34:06.440 --> 00:34:08.000
news to me that Russell did it. Yeah, Russell

00:34:08.000 --> 00:34:10.960
did a few. At least one I know of. There might

00:34:10.960 --> 00:34:13.360
have been some in Canada I didn't do. Well, Russell's

00:34:13.360 --> 00:34:15.659
really good off the cuff. Russell's great work

00:34:15.659 --> 00:34:17.739
in the crowd. I think Russell interviewed him.

00:34:18.699 --> 00:34:21.849
I think Russell, like... That's how he did it?

00:34:21.929 --> 00:34:23.449
Yeah, I think that's how he did it. Because now

00:34:23.449 --> 00:34:26.650
it occurs to me that he had interviewers on some

00:34:26.650 --> 00:34:29.210
of them. And he had a radio guy, and I think

00:34:29.210 --> 00:34:30.809
maybe Russell might have done a Canadian date.

00:34:30.809 --> 00:34:33.670
That's a smart way to do it. Have someone who's

00:34:33.670 --> 00:34:36.289
smart and quick just interview. Because the stories

00:34:36.289 --> 00:34:39.210
are so bananas. All you need is the stories.

00:34:39.510 --> 00:34:42.489
And he was so open about stuff, talking about

00:34:42.489 --> 00:34:45.539
how much crack he would smoke. Oh, yeah. It was

00:34:45.539 --> 00:34:49.179
just so insane. And everybody was so happy that

00:34:49.179 --> 00:34:51.860
someone was instead of hiding from the fact that

00:34:51.860 --> 00:34:54.380
they fucked their life up, they were like celebrating

00:34:54.380 --> 00:34:56.980
that they were off the rails. And everyone was

00:34:56.980 --> 00:35:01.719
like, tiger blood. I remember even Diego Sanchez,

00:35:01.719 --> 00:35:03.480
who was fighting in the UFC, was saying he had

00:35:03.480 --> 00:35:08.320
tiger blood. That's how popular it was getting.

00:35:08.880 --> 00:35:12.480
Yeah, he was a thing. Yeah, it was a thing. But

00:35:12.480 --> 00:35:14.860
it was a new thing, right? It was a movie star

00:35:14.860 --> 00:35:17.900
who had gone off the rails and was like celebrating

00:35:17.900 --> 00:35:20.719
it and being open and honest in interviews about

00:35:20.719 --> 00:35:25.679
prostitutes, cocaine, chaos, everything, all

00:35:25.679 --> 00:35:28.280
the above. Yeah. It was a totally new experience

00:35:28.280 --> 00:35:30.719
for the general public because before, if someone

00:35:30.719 --> 00:35:32.920
had an addiction problem, it was like, oh, so

00:35:32.920 --> 00:35:35.739
sad. Right. He was doing coke and, you know,

00:35:35.820 --> 00:35:38.679
my life had fallen apart and then I found Jesus.

00:35:38.820 --> 00:35:40.159
Right. You know, it's like always one of those

00:35:40.159 --> 00:35:42.460
things. He wasn't on an apology tour. He went

00:35:42.460 --> 00:35:45.099
on a fuck you tour. Yeah, 100%. And no one had

00:35:45.099 --> 00:35:47.760
ever done that before. No one had ever done a

00:35:47.760 --> 00:35:51.039
fuck you tour before. I mean, it was a little

00:35:51.039 --> 00:35:53.460
ill -advised, the first ones, you know, when

00:35:53.460 --> 00:35:55.320
he went on by himself. Like, that was a terrible

00:35:55.320 --> 00:35:57.980
idea. Right. You can't just wing it. And when

00:35:57.980 --> 00:35:59.739
you're on Coke, you think you could do anything.

00:36:00.159 --> 00:36:03.159
Or he would take questions, but there's 15 ,000

00:36:03.159 --> 00:36:05.059
people yelling at him. Right. If you're going

00:36:05.059 --> 00:36:07.719
to take questions, it would have to be a person

00:36:07.719 --> 00:36:10.739
who's a moderator. Right. Who has a microphone

00:36:10.739 --> 00:36:14.219
and talks to another person and is there so they

00:36:14.219 --> 00:36:16.000
can keep it from going off the rails. And a line

00:36:16.000 --> 00:36:18.920
of people. You can't just have people yelling

00:36:18.920 --> 00:36:20.820
out things in the audience. One night. One night.

00:36:21.320 --> 00:36:23.800
Somebody wanted his money back, and he brought

00:36:23.800 --> 00:36:25.900
the guy up and gave him his money back. And then,

00:36:25.940 --> 00:36:28.639
of course, like 400 people stood up like, I want

00:36:28.639 --> 00:36:32.719
my money back. Oh, no. He would hear the audience

00:36:32.719 --> 00:36:35.739
too much. Yeah. Well, no experience with that

00:36:35.739 --> 00:36:38.260
kind of stuff. If you think you could just do

00:36:38.260 --> 00:36:41.539
live audience and deal with 15 ,000 people's

00:36:41.539 --> 00:36:43.400
different personalities, then you don't know

00:36:43.400 --> 00:36:47.179
what that's like. Good luck. We wound up doing

00:36:47.179 --> 00:36:49.099
eight shows, and I would always roast them. So

00:36:49.099 --> 00:36:51.760
by the eighth show, I had 20 minutes of Charlie

00:36:51.760 --> 00:36:54.599
Sheen material. Every city, I'd add jokes. So

00:36:54.599 --> 00:36:56.139
that's when I was like, why don't we just do

00:36:56.139 --> 00:36:58.599
this on TV? I mean, we have the roast, and then

00:36:58.599 --> 00:37:01.429
we did the Comedy Central roast. Nice. Patrice

00:37:01.429 --> 00:37:03.909
and all that. And Mike Tyson was at that one.

00:37:04.150 --> 00:37:07.329
It's a really interesting career arc. Well, if

00:37:07.329 --> 00:37:10.190
you know his story, he was on the set of Apocalypse

00:37:10.190 --> 00:37:13.289
Now with his father when he was 10. Right. And

00:37:13.289 --> 00:37:17.849
then 10 years later, he was doing, what was the

00:37:17.849 --> 00:37:21.150
fucking movie? His fucking big war movie. Jesus

00:37:21.150 --> 00:37:24.130
Christ. Platoon. He was doing Platoon when he

00:37:24.130 --> 00:37:26.949
was 20. Yeah. Which is nuts. 10 years later.

00:37:27.110 --> 00:37:30.389
Yeah. I mean, he's doing the next iconic war

00:37:30.389 --> 00:37:33.449
movie. Right. And he's a 20 -year -old kid. And

00:37:33.449 --> 00:37:36.389
then all of a sudden, he's a fucking superstar.

00:37:36.710 --> 00:37:39.250
Right. He was great in that movie. And he's just

00:37:39.250 --> 00:37:42.130
off the rails. Just like no restrictions. He's

00:37:42.130 --> 00:37:44.849
rich. He's young. He's handsome. He's just going

00:37:44.849 --> 00:37:48.909
crazy. Doing drugs. But he made it through it

00:37:48.909 --> 00:37:50.829
all. That's what's nuts. I got to check that

00:37:50.829 --> 00:37:53.610
doc out. It's great. He's a great interview,

00:37:53.769 --> 00:37:56.750
too. Like having him on the podcast was fucking

00:37:56.750 --> 00:37:59.690
great. He's a really nice guy. He's very cool

00:37:59.690 --> 00:38:02.650
and honest about it all. You know, and he's also

00:38:02.650 --> 00:38:05.349
like, hey, you know, I can still act. Like how

00:38:05.349 --> 00:38:07.530
about I've fucking paid my dues. I've been sober

00:38:07.530 --> 00:38:10.630
for seven years. Like give me a shot. Yeah. He

00:38:10.630 --> 00:38:13.519
can still act. He's a good actor. I hope someone

00:38:13.519 --> 00:38:15.699
does do something like that. Because I feel like

00:38:15.699 --> 00:38:19.659
if one big movie came along, like maybe Tarantino

00:38:19.659 --> 00:38:21.800
could put him in because he's the master at reviving

00:38:21.800 --> 00:38:24.699
careers. What he did with Travolta and Pulp Fiction.

00:38:25.039 --> 00:38:28.739
Pulp Fiction, like Travolta was dead on the operating

00:38:28.739 --> 00:38:32.139
table in his career before Pulp Fiction. Pulp

00:38:32.139 --> 00:38:34.880
Fiction came along and boom, he's back. Because

00:38:34.880 --> 00:38:37.599
they realized like, oh shit, John Travolta. John

00:38:37.599 --> 00:38:41.159
Travolta can fucking act. And that role was perfect

00:38:41.159 --> 00:38:43.400
for him. Vince, he played this crazy hit man

00:38:43.400 --> 00:38:46.340
with Samuel Jackson. The best. Fucking, what

00:38:46.340 --> 00:38:49.019
a movie. I watch it all the time. Yeah, it completely

00:38:49.019 --> 00:38:53.480
revived his career. Yeah, he's the, like, Quentin

00:38:53.480 --> 00:38:55.760
Tarantino is like the master of seeing things

00:38:55.760 --> 00:38:58.019
that other people don't see. You know, he's like,

00:38:58.099 --> 00:39:00.679
that guy's still great. Yeah. And I think that's

00:39:00.679 --> 00:39:02.440
like the case with Charlie. Like, someone's got

00:39:02.440 --> 00:39:05.559
to come along and see. And just go, I just need

00:39:05.559 --> 00:39:09.679
to get him a role where he just can really sink

00:39:09.679 --> 00:39:12.119
his teeth into it and he'll fucking kill it.

00:39:12.360 --> 00:39:14.599
Especially now at this stage of his life where

00:39:14.599 --> 00:39:17.420
he knows how important it is. He'll throw himself

00:39:17.420 --> 00:39:21.420
into it. It would be fucking amazing. Like some

00:39:21.420 --> 00:39:23.239
people don't act for a long time. And then look

00:39:23.239 --> 00:39:25.960
what Sean Penn just did. And he came back after

00:39:25.960 --> 00:39:28.530
God knows how long and just did this. Totally

00:39:28.530 --> 00:39:32.150
iconic, unrecognizable, strange character. I

00:39:32.150 --> 00:39:34.630
didn't see that movie. I've heard all these mixed

00:39:34.630 --> 00:39:37.210
reviews. Whatever, it's interesting to see Sean's

00:39:37.210 --> 00:39:41.670
take on this soldier. Look, Sean Penn's out of

00:39:41.670 --> 00:39:43.989
his fucking mind, but that's the kind of guy

00:39:43.989 --> 00:39:46.710
that makes a great actor. He's a great actor.

00:39:46.750 --> 00:39:49.130
Ditch the Oscars to go see. Yeah, go to Ukraine.

00:39:49.289 --> 00:39:51.170
It's so cool. Go hang out. Go hang out with my

00:39:51.170 --> 00:39:57.480
boy Zielinski and do coke. To that pure Russian

00:39:57.480 --> 00:40:01.059
coke. I like how you think that's what they were

00:40:01.059 --> 00:40:04.039
doing. I'm just guessing. I'm just taking a wild

00:40:04.039 --> 00:40:06.579
guess. But that guy, I mean, how about him? Like,

00:40:06.579 --> 00:40:09.500
goes and fucking meets the drug lord. What's

00:40:09.500 --> 00:40:11.420
his name? What's wrong with my brain today, Jamie?

00:40:12.539 --> 00:40:14.840
What the fuck's his name? The dude he met in

00:40:14.840 --> 00:40:17.579
Mexico. The guy who got arrested. El Chapo. El

00:40:17.579 --> 00:40:20.260
Chapo, thank you. Went down and met El Chapo,

00:40:20.260 --> 00:40:21.860
and that's how El Chapo wound up getting arrested.

00:40:22.079 --> 00:40:25.440
Right. He wanted to meet Sean Penn. He wrote

00:40:25.440 --> 00:40:29.019
an article for Rolling Stone. He was a journalist.

00:40:29.280 --> 00:40:32.619
Right, I remember. I mean, what fucking movie

00:40:32.619 --> 00:40:38.099
star goes down and meets El Chapo? By the way,

00:40:38.099 --> 00:40:42.539
that shirt, Conor McGregor bought a shirt that's

00:40:42.539 --> 00:40:45.780
exactly like that shirt and recreated that pose

00:40:45.780 --> 00:40:49.380
with... I forget who he shook hands with, but

00:40:49.380 --> 00:40:52.179
it was like this funny inside joke that a lot

00:40:52.179 --> 00:40:54.039
of people didn't catch. It's like, why is he

00:40:54.039 --> 00:40:55.739
wearing that shirt? And people realize, oh, my

00:40:55.739 --> 00:40:57.940
God, he's wearing the El Chapo shirt. Oh, my

00:40:57.940 --> 00:41:02.860
God. He bought a similar shirt. He's like literally

00:41:02.860 --> 00:41:06.760
doing that. Oh, my gosh. So silly. He dressed

00:41:06.760 --> 00:41:08.880
as gangster El Chapo. He's literally doing the

00:41:08.880 --> 00:41:15.320
thing. But he did it on purpose. Nuts. I mean,

00:41:15.340 --> 00:41:19.179
it takes insane balls to be a world -famous actor

00:41:19.179 --> 00:41:23.699
and decide I'm going to go meet a drug lord in

00:41:23.699 --> 00:41:26.300
Mexico and write an article for Rolling Stone.

00:41:26.619 --> 00:41:29.699
He's an adventurer. I guess. Acting's a part

00:41:29.699 --> 00:41:32.480
of him, not all of him. I mean, he must be. He's

00:41:32.480 --> 00:41:34.559
in fucking Ukraine. Like, what does he do? I

00:41:34.559 --> 00:41:36.599
remember being at a party, Eddie Vedder's birthday

00:41:36.599 --> 00:41:39.559
party, and Sean Penn walked in with Stormy Daniels.

00:41:39.920 --> 00:41:44.159
Like, he has friends from the most diverse places.

00:41:44.760 --> 00:41:48.639
That's funny. Zelensky, Stormy. Have you seen

00:41:48.639 --> 00:41:51.519
Kyle Dunnigan's face swap things with Trump and

00:41:51.519 --> 00:41:53.780
Stormy Daniels? So funny. Oh, my God. They're

00:41:53.780 --> 00:41:56.800
so funny. So funny. Kyle Dunnigan. He's another

00:41:56.800 --> 00:42:00.320
guy that got revived by Kill Tony or really got

00:42:00.320 --> 00:42:05.280
the world got to see him. We covered his face

00:42:05.280 --> 00:42:07.420
swap videos a bunch of times on the podcast and

00:42:07.420 --> 00:42:11.250
blew them up. To see him as these characters,

00:42:11.469 --> 00:42:14.010
like when he plays RFK Jr., when he plays Elon,

00:42:14.269 --> 00:42:18.090
that is what really kicked off Kyle's career.

00:42:19.050 --> 00:42:24.050
Dude, his RFK is so fun. Is Elon so good? That's

00:42:24.050 --> 00:42:27.090
when he first started doing the face swap. This

00:42:27.090 --> 00:42:29.570
is the best. My text chain's always sharing his

00:42:29.570 --> 00:42:31.900
stuff. Is Bill Maher? Because Bill Maher is amazing.

00:42:32.760 --> 00:42:35.219
Because his jokes are funny about it. I tried

00:42:35.219 --> 00:42:37.980
to play the Bill Maher impression with Bill Maher

00:42:37.980 --> 00:42:39.679
when he was in here. He goes, if you play it,

00:42:39.699 --> 00:42:43.059
I'll leave. Why does he care? Because he doesn't

00:42:43.059 --> 00:42:46.519
hang out with comics enough. He's out there doing

00:42:46.519 --> 00:42:48.340
his show, hanging out with political people,

00:42:48.420 --> 00:42:50.420
being all serious. It's like you kind of forget.

00:42:50.420 --> 00:42:52.940
He just wants to be a, what do you call it, a

00:42:52.940 --> 00:42:56.039
contrarian. I was on his podcast, and he literally.

00:42:57.550 --> 00:42:59.789
He just wanted to fight about anything. I go,

00:42:59.869 --> 00:43:01.829
the Ramones are great. He's like, no, they're

00:43:01.829 --> 00:43:07.030
not. I'm like, all right, man. Rock and roll

00:43:07.030 --> 00:43:09.349
high school is not great? Come on, son. The look,

00:43:09.429 --> 00:43:12.230
the crazy hair. All of it. The Ramones is one

00:43:12.230 --> 00:43:14.489
of the greatest. The Ramones ruled. They were

00:43:14.489 --> 00:43:16.949
ruled. They wrote a song over two minutes and

00:43:16.949 --> 00:43:18.610
five seconds. How can you say they're not great?

00:43:19.409 --> 00:43:21.889
It's nice to go see them in college, man. You

00:43:21.889 --> 00:43:24.829
don't have to like it. You got to admit, there's

00:43:24.829 --> 00:43:29.519
a reason why people love them. Right. Yeah. You

00:43:29.519 --> 00:43:31.539
know what I'm saying? Yeah, man. People are so

00:43:31.539 --> 00:43:33.059
weird when they want to say something sucks.

00:43:34.360 --> 00:43:35.739
Like, I was having an argument with someone.

00:43:35.880 --> 00:43:37.780
There's, like, Taylor Swift's all dumb music.

00:43:37.780 --> 00:43:40.219
I go, no, it's not. It's not. She's got some

00:43:40.219 --> 00:43:43.460
great songs. No Body, No Crime, a great fucking

00:43:43.460 --> 00:43:45.139
song. She's got great songs. By the way, I respect

00:43:45.139 --> 00:43:47.380
anybody who writes their own music and produces

00:43:47.380 --> 00:43:49.889
their own music. Also, it's like... Do you think

00:43:49.889 --> 00:43:52.030
you're smarter than everybody who loves her?

00:43:52.409 --> 00:43:54.769
Like, she's literally got more fans than anybody

00:43:54.769 --> 00:43:57.090
alive, and you think they're all wrong? That's

00:43:57.090 --> 00:43:59.550
kind of crazy. Like, you don't have to like it.

00:43:59.809 --> 00:44:02.469
You don't have to like it. But there's, like,

00:44:02.610 --> 00:44:06.429
people have closed minds. I met her at an Oscars

00:44:06.429 --> 00:44:08.489
party last weekend, and she introduced herself.

00:44:08.590 --> 00:44:11.750
Is she cool? I was talking to Travis for a few

00:44:11.750 --> 00:44:13.730
minutes, and she said, hi, I'm Taylor. You know,

00:44:13.769 --> 00:44:16.940
I was a little starstruck. I don't know, musicians

00:44:16.940 --> 00:44:20.039
are the last thing for me. Like, I really respect.

00:44:20.559 --> 00:44:23.380
And she was super cool, man. She was really cool,

00:44:23.480 --> 00:44:25.400
actually. And I told her that I went to her Eris

00:44:25.400 --> 00:44:28.280
show. Did you really? She said she watches the

00:44:28.280 --> 00:44:30.559
roasts. Oh, that's funny. It was pretty cool,

00:44:30.659 --> 00:44:33.199
actually. That's awesome. I wonder when they

00:44:33.199 --> 00:44:35.659
make love if they wear helmets, those two. Why

00:44:35.659 --> 00:44:37.539
do you think they wear helmets? Just saying.

00:44:38.280 --> 00:44:41.019
It's got to be wild. You think so? Travis and

00:44:41.019 --> 00:44:42.179
Taylor. I mean, it's all sweet and passionate.

00:44:42.340 --> 00:44:46.179
Maybe. I hope so. That's what I think. You have

00:44:46.179 --> 00:44:51.679
your fantasies. I have mine. Shoulder pads, cleats.

00:44:51.900 --> 00:44:54.480
Yeah. Going for it on AstroTurf. He's a nice

00:44:54.480 --> 00:44:56.940
guy. Is he? Has he been in here? No, never met

00:44:56.940 --> 00:45:01.360
him. He'd be a good. Good dude? Yeah. It's interesting

00:45:01.360 --> 00:45:04.340
when people are public, like a public relationship

00:45:04.340 --> 00:45:07.039
like that, two super famous people. It's like

00:45:07.039 --> 00:45:09.619
that's a lot of pressure. And then you put it

00:45:09.619 --> 00:45:11.519
all out there in the world and like everybody's

00:45:11.519 --> 00:45:14.829
judging you. it's hard enough to keep a relationship

00:45:14.829 --> 00:45:16.510
together but keep a relationship together when

00:45:16.510 --> 00:45:18.670
you have to field everyone's opinions of you

00:45:18.670 --> 00:45:20.849
especially like taylor swift because how many

00:45:20.849 --> 00:45:23.449
songs does she have about ex -boyfriends right

00:45:23.449 --> 00:45:26.349
it's like geez if you break up with her the diss

00:45:26.349 --> 00:45:30.489
track of the universe is coming your way yeah

00:45:30.489 --> 00:45:33.809
right kendrick drake that just don't break up

00:45:33.809 --> 00:45:37.340
with taylor exactly yeah but it's just like You're

00:45:37.340 --> 00:45:39.539
doing it in front of the world, and you're inviting

00:45:39.539 --> 00:45:41.719
all of the shittiest people in the world to have

00:45:41.719 --> 00:45:44.679
their opinions about you. It's like, blech. It's

00:45:44.679 --> 00:45:46.320
a lot of pressure. Look at freaking Timberlake

00:45:46.320 --> 00:45:48.519
this weekend. That really pissed me off. What

00:45:48.519 --> 00:45:51.139
happened? They released a two - or three -year

00:45:51.139 --> 00:45:54.280
-old video of him getting a DUI. Yeah. Oh, I

00:45:54.280 --> 00:45:56.340
did see that. Why does that need to be out there?

00:45:56.599 --> 00:46:01.199
How is that a legal thing to take a video of

00:46:01.199 --> 00:46:03.900
someone being arrested? Why is that? Because

00:46:03.900 --> 00:46:07.219
he's a public figure? Why isn't that private?

00:46:07.360 --> 00:46:10.119
I don't understand. And there was nothing outrageous

00:46:10.119 --> 00:46:12.659
about it. They're just hassling this guy and

00:46:12.659 --> 00:46:15.280
bringing up old news. It really bugged me. I

00:46:15.280 --> 00:46:17.239
mean, there was nothing outrageous about it.

00:46:17.300 --> 00:46:20.139
I mean, he was very calm and relaxed, and they

00:46:20.139 --> 00:46:23.840
arrested him for DUI. They asked him a few questions.

00:46:23.900 --> 00:46:27.380
There was nothing about it that was like, oh,

00:46:27.400 --> 00:46:29.659
look at Justin Timberlake. He's off the rails.

00:46:29.800 --> 00:46:33.059
He's acting crazy. It was like he had a few drinks,

00:46:33.119 --> 00:46:36.139
probably shit in a drove. Drove. Got caught.

00:46:36.719 --> 00:46:38.920
That's it. Right. It happens to a lot of people.

00:46:39.059 --> 00:46:40.739
Yeah. And whatever. Just because he's famous

00:46:40.739 --> 00:46:42.760
or whatever. He wasn't acting like an asshole.

00:46:43.019 --> 00:46:45.719
He didn't do anything terrible. And everybody

00:46:45.719 --> 00:46:49.199
wants like, ew, look at him. He got caught. Right.

00:46:49.400 --> 00:46:51.699
You have so much money and you still got caught.

00:46:52.019 --> 00:46:54.739
Right. You know, obviously get a driver, dude.

00:46:55.280 --> 00:46:57.159
You're going to get drunk. Right. It's not that

00:46:57.159 --> 00:46:58.780
hard. He was tooling around the Hamptons. They

00:46:58.780 --> 00:47:00.980
thought he was fine. Yeah. That's probably it,

00:47:01.039 --> 00:47:02.679
right? That's where all the rich people drink

00:47:02.679 --> 00:47:07.239
and drive. I don't get having to torture somebody

00:47:07.239 --> 00:47:10.000
by releasing the video. Well, I mean, all he

00:47:10.000 --> 00:47:12.699
has to do is just not be online for a few days

00:47:12.699 --> 00:47:15.920
and it'll go away. But it's like, why is it okay

00:47:15.920 --> 00:47:18.900
to release that? Why is that a public record

00:47:18.900 --> 00:47:22.039
thing? Unless there's like some, even if there's

00:47:22.039 --> 00:47:24.619
a case, that should be something that gets released

00:47:24.619 --> 00:47:27.800
in court. No, they release it as a public information.

00:47:28.199 --> 00:47:30.840
What? Right. Why? I don't know. Why? Because

00:47:30.840 --> 00:47:32.760
he sings? Because we live in a cruel fucking

00:47:32.760 --> 00:47:36.070
world. That's why. Yeah. We live in a place where

00:47:36.070 --> 00:47:40.030
people enjoy cruelty. Well, it's like you look

00:47:40.030 --> 00:47:42.829
at him, you know, he's like super famous, married

00:47:42.829 --> 00:47:44.949
to, what's her name? Who's he married to? Jessica

00:47:44.949 --> 00:47:48.090
Biel. Beautiful woman. Yeah. Right? He's got

00:47:48.090 --> 00:47:50.150
this perfect life. He's rich. He's famous. He

00:47:50.150 --> 00:47:52.670
can dance. He can sing. He's tall. He's handsome.

00:47:53.389 --> 00:47:55.530
He's a star when he was young. Fuck that guy.

00:47:55.690 --> 00:47:57.110
You know, that's how everybody is. Like, oh,

00:47:57.130 --> 00:47:59.349
look, he was drunk. Yeah, yeah. Bitch, you've

00:47:59.349 --> 00:48:01.429
been drunk before, too. Shut the fuck up. Right.

00:48:01.530 --> 00:48:03.829
And if you haven't, fuck you. If you've never

00:48:03.829 --> 00:48:06.670
been drunk, fuck you. Unless, like, your dad

00:48:06.670 --> 00:48:09.469
was an alcoholic and, you know, understanding

00:48:09.469 --> 00:48:14.090
circumstances. But it's like, why is that something

00:48:14.090 --> 00:48:16.070
that people are— I saw it. It came across my

00:48:16.070 --> 00:48:19.190
news feed, and I looked at it for a few seconds.

00:48:19.349 --> 00:48:20.570
I was like, there's something outrageous about

00:48:20.570 --> 00:48:23.630
this. Did you see Alan Richman, though? The guy

00:48:23.630 --> 00:48:26.570
who plays Reacher, he beat the fuck out of some

00:48:26.570 --> 00:48:31.130
guy in front of some kids today. Yeah, or yesterday.

00:48:31.210 --> 00:48:35.150
It was crazy. That guy's a giant dude. You know

00:48:35.150 --> 00:48:37.170
that show Reacher? Yeah, I heard of it. He's

00:48:37.170 --> 00:48:41.309
fucking huge and jacked, and he was riding dirt

00:48:41.309 --> 00:48:43.349
bikes, and he got in some altercation with his

00:48:43.349 --> 00:48:45.690
neighbor, and someone filmed it. And, you know,

00:48:45.769 --> 00:48:48.230
he's this hulking guy. I don't know what the

00:48:48.230 --> 00:48:51.030
circumstances were. Maybe the guy deserved it.

00:48:51.110 --> 00:48:53.010
Maybe the guy was a piece of shit. Maybe the

00:48:53.010 --> 00:48:55.449
guy came after him first. But all you see in

00:48:55.449 --> 00:48:58.829
the video is him beating this guy up. And, you

00:48:58.829 --> 00:49:02.329
know, he's fucking this tank of a man. He's huge.

00:49:02.429 --> 00:49:05.429
He's like 250 pounds. And he's beating some guy's

00:49:05.429 --> 00:49:07.250
ass. And then he gets back on his motorcycle.

00:49:08.309 --> 00:49:10.070
He's doing it in front of kids, too, which is

00:49:10.070 --> 00:49:13.059
kind of crazy. Violence. Well, it's also, it's

00:49:13.059 --> 00:49:15.639
like, why you, I don't know what happened, so

00:49:15.639 --> 00:49:18.000
I don't really want to comment on the extenuating

00:49:18.000 --> 00:49:20.119
circumstances. This is according to the TMZ article.

00:49:20.920 --> 00:49:22.860
Right. He was pushed off the bike by the man.

00:49:22.940 --> 00:49:28.119
Oh, the guy pushed him off the bike. Okay. Well,

00:49:28.219 --> 00:49:29.800
then that guy's just trying to get it. You want

00:49:29.800 --> 00:49:32.079
to see the video? Let's watch the video. So watch

00:49:32.079 --> 00:49:34.980
the video. Like, so this is after he already

00:49:34.980 --> 00:49:40.300
beat the guy's ass. I don't, I'm not going to

00:49:40.300 --> 00:49:44.090
show it. So he's punching the dude. The other

00:49:44.090 --> 00:49:47.789
guy's a big guy, too. He might have just had

00:49:47.789 --> 00:49:50.829
a dicky neighbor. Boy, neighbors, and especially

00:49:50.829 --> 00:49:53.429
if you've got a homeowner's association, they're

00:49:53.429 --> 00:49:57.690
some fucking shitheads. So if the guy pushed

00:49:57.690 --> 00:50:02.289
him off the bike, I kind of understand. If the

00:50:02.289 --> 00:50:04.130
guy pushed him off the bike, he's lucky. That's

00:50:04.130 --> 00:50:05.610
all he did to him. This could be eight -year

00:50:05.610 --> 00:50:07.760
-olds. Yeah, those little kids. You can replace

00:50:07.760 --> 00:50:09.639
this with tricycles. But those little kids that

00:50:09.639 --> 00:50:11.420
are there, too, and he's yelling at them and

00:50:11.420 --> 00:50:14.420
pointing at them. But if you really did push

00:50:14.420 --> 00:50:16.500
him off the bike, that guy's a piece of shit.

00:50:17.360 --> 00:50:19.880
And he's lucky. And look, he's an idiot. Because

00:50:19.880 --> 00:50:22.199
even after he beat his ass, he's still getting

00:50:22.199 --> 00:50:27.840
in his face. And he's still talking shit. Okay.

00:50:27.960 --> 00:50:29.679
Well, that's a different story. Well, that's

00:50:29.679 --> 00:50:31.500
good. That's good to know. Yeah, fuck that guy.

00:50:32.280 --> 00:50:35.139
Don't push someone off a bike because the dirt

00:50:35.139 --> 00:50:36.980
bikes were loud and they were in the neighborhood.

00:50:37.320 --> 00:50:40.099
Turn your TV up. Shut the fuck up. People are

00:50:40.099 --> 00:50:42.199
just so into everybody's business. I've watched

00:50:42.199 --> 00:50:44.920
so many videos of homeowners associations yelling

00:50:44.920 --> 00:50:48.460
at people for doing whatever, parking an old

00:50:48.460 --> 00:50:53.400
car in your driveway. People always love to tell

00:50:53.400 --> 00:50:56.139
people what they can and can't do. I've had homeowners

00:50:56.139 --> 00:50:57.900
associations before. I don't know if you've ever

00:50:57.900 --> 00:51:01.469
dealt with that. It is a fucking nightmare. You

00:51:01.469 --> 00:51:04.329
have to sit down and talk to these dorks who

00:51:04.329 --> 00:51:06.570
tell you what you should and shouldn't do with

00:51:06.570 --> 00:51:09.670
your fence. Yeah. How high are your hedges? Dude,

00:51:09.730 --> 00:51:11.909
I had a situation once where there was all these

00:51:11.909 --> 00:51:14.630
wrought iron fences in my neighborhood. And I

00:51:14.630 --> 00:51:17.489
repaired my fence and I replaced it with a different

00:51:17.489 --> 00:51:19.409
wrought iron fence. And they said, you can't

00:51:19.409 --> 00:51:21.170
have wrought iron fences. We have a new rule.

00:51:21.269 --> 00:51:23.690
It has to be equestrian fence. I said, but there's

00:51:23.690 --> 00:51:25.429
no consistency. I said, the entire neighborhood

00:51:25.429 --> 00:51:27.510
has wrought iron fences. They said, it doesn't

00:51:27.510 --> 00:51:30.309
matter. I said, well, let's go to court. I go,

00:51:30.349 --> 00:51:32.630
I don't give a fuck. I go, I'll sue you. I go,

00:51:32.670 --> 00:51:34.829
I have money. I go, let's go to court. I go,

00:51:34.849 --> 00:51:36.769
I'm not taking my fucking fence down. And they're

00:51:36.769 --> 00:51:38.030
like, you're going to take your fence down. I

00:51:38.030 --> 00:51:41.550
go, you're not going to tell me anything. You're

00:51:41.550 --> 00:51:43.329
not going to tell me what to do. Just because,

00:51:43.510 --> 00:51:46.190
I go, it looks great. It's not like it's a blight

00:51:46.190 --> 00:51:47.969
on the neighborhood. The house is beautiful.

00:51:48.489 --> 00:51:51.869
Shut the fuck up. And eventually I won. Did you

00:51:51.869 --> 00:51:54.260
have to sue? Well, I threatened to sue and they

00:51:54.260 --> 00:51:55.780
backed off because they were afraid of suing.

00:51:55.780 --> 00:51:57.079
They were afraid of lawsuits because then they

00:51:57.079 --> 00:51:58.860
would have to use the homeowners association

00:51:58.860 --> 00:52:01.840
funds to do this. And it didn't make any sense.

00:52:02.019 --> 00:52:04.219
I talked to a lawyer about it. I said, does this

00:52:04.219 --> 00:52:05.719
make any sense? He goes, no, there's a precedent

00:52:05.719 --> 00:52:08.960
in the neighborhood. Like every third house had

00:52:08.960 --> 00:52:11.599
wrought iron fencing. And it wasn't like it wasn't

00:52:11.599 --> 00:52:14.199
good looking. Like it was beautiful. It was new.

00:52:14.320 --> 00:52:17.099
It was clean. I had a reputable company build

00:52:17.099 --> 00:52:18.900
it. There's nothing wrong with it. And I was

00:52:18.900 --> 00:52:21.159
replacing wrought iron fence with more wrought

00:52:21.159 --> 00:52:22.760
iron fence. It was just better. It was like the

00:52:22.760 --> 00:52:25.219
fence was broken. It looked shitty. It was like,

00:52:25.239 --> 00:52:26.980
you know, they get rusty where they connect,

00:52:27.059 --> 00:52:28.900
and I had to get it replaced. So what on earth

00:52:28.900 --> 00:52:31.579
was their problem? Just cunts. Cunts. This is

00:52:31.579 --> 00:52:34.019
how cunty they are. I had a neighbor who lived

00:52:34.019 --> 00:52:38.280
across the street. He told me that I had to trim

00:52:38.280 --> 00:52:42.039
my trees and thin them out so that he could see

00:52:42.039 --> 00:52:45.760
the view in the distance. And I said, what are

00:52:45.760 --> 00:52:48.400
you talking about? And he said, we have a regulation

00:52:48.400 --> 00:52:52.090
that says you can't obstruct the view. I go,

00:52:52.130 --> 00:52:55.170
these trees have been here for 50 years. And

00:52:55.170 --> 00:52:56.670
then I talked to the guy who sold me the house.

00:52:56.730 --> 00:52:58.070
He's like, that asshole was trying to do that

00:52:58.070 --> 00:52:59.710
with me, too. Just tell him to fuck himself.

00:53:00.150 --> 00:53:02.590
He's just a weird guy. He built an observation

00:53:02.590 --> 00:53:05.610
deck at the top of his hill in his backyard so

00:53:05.610 --> 00:53:08.130
he could see the lights of the city in the distance.

00:53:08.329 --> 00:53:11.389
And he wanted you to cut your trees down so you're

00:53:11.389 --> 00:53:14.409
obstructing the view. I go, your house is obstructing

00:53:14.409 --> 00:53:16.829
my view of this hill. I like to look at hills.

00:53:17.570 --> 00:53:19.320
Is that what we're going to do? Take your house

00:53:19.320 --> 00:53:21.159
down. You take your house down, I'll trim these

00:53:21.159 --> 00:53:23.300
trees. Fuck you, man. Tell him to lift his house

00:53:23.300 --> 00:53:25.440
up. He's like, oh, so it's going to be like that.

00:53:25.500 --> 00:53:27.679
I go, going to be like what? You want me to cut

00:53:27.679 --> 00:53:30.320
trees down so you can see? You don't have a view,

00:53:30.380 --> 00:53:32.820
man. You're not on the edge of the hill. You're

00:53:32.820 --> 00:53:36.119
back set. This is what the view looks like from

00:53:36.119 --> 00:53:38.239
where you are. This house has been here before

00:53:38.239 --> 00:53:41.309
your house was there. Go eat shit. But you could

00:53:41.309 --> 00:53:43.170
have asked nice and maybe you would have done

00:53:43.170 --> 00:53:44.949
something. I wouldn't have done a fucking thing.

00:53:45.130 --> 00:53:47.969
It didn't make any sense. It's just people want

00:53:47.969 --> 00:53:50.510
to tell people what to do. Like I was reading

00:53:50.510 --> 00:53:52.369
this article where this homeowners association

00:53:52.369 --> 00:53:56.309
hired a tow company to go around the neighborhood

00:53:56.309 --> 00:54:00.510
and tow all the cars that had expired tags. Can

00:54:00.510 --> 00:54:03.429
you imagine? Like your tag's expired. Like, ah,

00:54:03.429 --> 00:54:05.989
fuck, I'll get to it. I'm busy. I'll get to it

00:54:05.989 --> 00:54:08.989
next week. You just run it around. And then all

00:54:08.989 --> 00:54:12.130
of a sudden they tow your car. Like, fuck you,

00:54:12.170 --> 00:54:15.750
man. Like, fuck you. It's just people love to

00:54:15.750 --> 00:54:18.289
tell other people what to do. And homeowners

00:54:18.289 --> 00:54:20.750
associations, when they get power, they become

00:54:20.750 --> 00:54:22.750
like the little hall monitors of the neighborhood.

00:54:23.469 --> 00:54:27.750
You know, your grass is unruly. It's supposed

00:54:27.750 --> 00:54:32.929
to be two inches. It's four. Just people. People

00:54:32.929 --> 00:54:35.429
love to do that. They love to tell people what

00:54:35.429 --> 00:54:38.750
to do and what not to do. I have one neighbor

00:54:38.750 --> 00:54:41.570
who kind of runs the whole block. She puts everyone

00:54:41.570 --> 00:54:44.409
on an email chain and she's pretty she leads

00:54:44.409 --> 00:54:47.610
with love But she looks out for everybody. Well,

00:54:47.650 --> 00:54:49.909
as long as I'm looking out. It's not bad It's

00:54:49.909 --> 00:54:52.389
just like nonsense like the guy wanted me to

00:54:52.389 --> 00:54:55.030
trim the trees He wanted me to thin out my tree.

00:54:55.090 --> 00:54:56.949
You want me to chop the trees down? He goes no,

00:54:57.010 --> 00:54:58.650
I just want you to thin them out. You can thin

00:54:58.650 --> 00:55:01.170
them out I go what you what are you talking about?

00:55:01.309 --> 00:55:04.010
Chop all the leaves off so that you could see

00:55:04.010 --> 00:55:07.579
lights in the distance It was like the dumbest

00:55:07.579 --> 00:55:09.619
conversation. And he realized while we're in

00:55:09.619 --> 00:55:10.940
the middle of the conversation how dumb this

00:55:10.940 --> 00:55:13.840
is. Right. And then we never talked again. And

00:55:13.840 --> 00:55:15.739
I would see him occasionally. Isn't there a safety

00:55:15.739 --> 00:55:18.159
issue with trimming your trees, like thinning

00:55:18.159 --> 00:55:21.840
them out? Fire? Well, I mean, where we were,

00:55:22.099 --> 00:55:25.699
there was the real issue is brush. The real issue

00:55:25.699 --> 00:55:28.739
is the ground, you know, dried brush on the ground.

00:55:28.840 --> 00:55:31.000
We were evacuated from where I live three times

00:55:31.000 --> 00:55:34.739
from fires. Down here. No, this is in California.

00:55:34.860 --> 00:55:37.179
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And when I lived in California,

00:55:37.300 --> 00:55:41.440
the last big fire in 2018, we lost three houses

00:55:41.440 --> 00:55:43.719
in front of our house. And my neighbor's house

00:55:43.719 --> 00:55:47.230
caught on fire. But I had one, my crazy friend

00:55:47.230 --> 00:55:49.309
Bud would not leave the neighborhood. They evacuated

00:55:49.309 --> 00:55:51.090
the whole neighborhood. He wouldn't leave. He's

00:55:51.090 --> 00:55:52.969
like, I'm staying. He's like, I'm staying. I'm

00:55:52.969 --> 00:55:54.190
going to save my house. I'm going to save other

00:55:54.190 --> 00:55:56.489
people's houses. And he fucking did. He saved

00:55:56.489 --> 00:55:59.570
his house. He saved my neighbor's house. He checked

00:55:59.570 --> 00:56:02.329
my neighbor's house. The roof was on fire. He

00:56:02.329 --> 00:56:04.369
got water on it. He called the fire department.

00:56:04.449 --> 00:56:06.010
There was fire departments that were like trying

00:56:06.010 --> 00:56:08.289
to put out fires in the neighborhood the moment

00:56:08.289 --> 00:56:11.989
they started. And they hosed his roof down. Because

00:56:11.989 --> 00:56:15.039
embers will fly and they land. Got it in L .A.

00:56:15.079 --> 00:56:17.500
and had to evacuate for one day. It's spooky,

00:56:17.699 --> 00:56:21.539
man. The fires in California are no joke, man.

00:56:21.719 --> 00:56:25.019
It's really weird to see when it happens because

00:56:25.019 --> 00:56:27.659
you realize how nature is completely in control

00:56:27.659 --> 00:56:30.820
when that happens. Just this storm of flames

00:56:30.820 --> 00:56:35.340
that comes over the hills. It's wild. It's wild

00:56:35.340 --> 00:56:37.559
and it cannot be controlled. And once it starts,

00:56:37.659 --> 00:56:39.579
it's just a matter of trying to contain it and

00:56:39.579 --> 00:56:41.000
a certain amount of houses are just going to

00:56:41.000 --> 00:56:43.000
go no matter what depending on which way the

00:56:43.000 --> 00:56:46.639
wind blows. But that wasn't what the problem

00:56:46.639 --> 00:56:53.280
was. This guy was just a cunt. It's a homeowners

00:56:53.280 --> 00:56:55.780
association thing. It's just like people that

00:56:55.780 --> 00:56:59.039
think they, like, there was a, I'm still a part

00:56:59.039 --> 00:57:01.380
of this email group that, you know, I'm still

00:57:01.380 --> 00:57:03.599
on the email of the homeowners association. One

00:57:03.599 --> 00:57:07.360
of the guys poisoned one of the people in the

00:57:07.360 --> 00:57:11.429
homeowners association's dogs. Yeah, like they

00:57:11.429 --> 00:57:13.349
got in some sort of a dispute about something.

00:57:13.409 --> 00:57:16.809
This guy poisoned his fucking dogs. Wow. Yeah,

00:57:16.949 --> 00:57:20.590
you evil cocksucker. Wow. But it's like that

00:57:20.590 --> 00:57:22.349
kind of thing. It's these people that just want

00:57:22.349 --> 00:57:24.730
to control their neighbors, man. It's so weird.

00:57:25.250 --> 00:57:27.289
Like one of my neighbors. What's the punishment

00:57:27.289 --> 00:57:30.710
for that? He should be shot. You fucking piece

00:57:30.710 --> 00:57:32.389
of shit. That's like killing a family member.

00:57:32.449 --> 00:57:34.809
You should have to eat whatever he gave those

00:57:34.809 --> 00:57:37.619
dogs. You should go to jail. For sure. I don't

00:57:37.619 --> 00:57:38.760
know what happened. I don't know if they caught

00:57:38.760 --> 00:57:41.800
the guy. I don't think they know exactly who

00:57:41.800 --> 00:57:45.179
did it. They had no video evidence. The person

00:57:45.179 --> 00:57:47.159
who lived there apparently didn't have good security

00:57:47.159 --> 00:57:52.280
cameras. But it's so weird. Like they would get

00:57:52.280 --> 00:57:54.440
mad at someone for the way they designed their

00:57:54.440 --> 00:57:56.619
house. And I was like, what do you give a fuck?

00:57:56.900 --> 00:57:58.980
And he's like, this is like one of my neighbors

00:57:58.980 --> 00:58:01.219
built a house and my other neighbor. What do

00:58:01.219 --> 00:58:03.619
you think about his house? I go, the house. I

00:58:03.619 --> 00:58:05.719
don't care. And he's like, I think it's ugly.

00:58:06.170 --> 00:58:07.989
And this house is going to lower our property

00:58:07.989 --> 00:58:10.510
values. I go, what are you fucking talking about?

00:58:10.590 --> 00:58:12.510
Your house looks great. You have a beautiful

00:58:12.510 --> 00:58:13.889
house. You think people are going to pay less

00:58:13.889 --> 00:58:15.389
for your house because this house is boring?

00:58:15.989 --> 00:58:19.190
Like this doesn't make any sense. But it's just

00:58:19.190 --> 00:58:22.449
people, they nitpick. When they have control,

00:58:22.710 --> 00:58:25.110
when people have control over other people's

00:58:25.110 --> 00:58:26.789
situation, like they don't have control over

00:58:26.789 --> 00:58:29.510
their own life and their life is just a sloppy

00:58:29.510 --> 00:58:31.889
mess. They always like to look at other people's

00:58:31.889 --> 00:58:34.070
lives. And I don't like where he puts his dumpsters.

00:58:34.329 --> 00:58:37.179
He's a hater. Yeah. We all confront that all

00:58:37.179 --> 00:58:38.920
the time. It's not just a hater. It's a hater

00:58:38.920 --> 00:58:41.400
with power because of homeowners associations.

00:58:41.699 --> 00:58:45.480
And from that moment on, I decided I will never

00:58:45.480 --> 00:58:48.420
buy a home with a homeowners association. Never.

00:58:48.880 --> 00:58:51.260
No fucking chance. I don't care how cool they

00:58:51.260 --> 00:58:53.519
are because someone not cool can move in and

00:58:53.519 --> 00:58:56.159
then it becomes a nightmare. I will never have

00:58:56.159 --> 00:58:58.420
conversations with those kind of people where

00:58:58.420 --> 00:59:00.079
they tell you what you could do with your lawn.

00:59:00.539 --> 00:59:06.780
Like, fuck you. When I was a young comic, I lived

00:59:06.780 --> 00:59:08.619
with my grandfather in the house that I grew

00:59:08.619 --> 00:59:11.280
up in, and we would never, ever, ever mow the

00:59:11.280 --> 00:59:13.239
lawn. We just didn't have any money. We didn't

00:59:13.239 --> 00:59:16.159
care, and everyone in our neighborhood just hated

00:59:16.159 --> 00:59:19.199
us. They would heckle us and yell at us. So I

00:59:19.199 --> 00:59:21.039
guess I've been the eyesore, and now I'm on the

00:59:21.039 --> 00:59:24.210
other side of it. My grandfather lived in the

00:59:24.210 --> 00:59:26.929
same house that he bought in the 1940s. And when

00:59:26.929 --> 00:59:29.849
he bought it in the 1940s, this was in an all

00:59:29.849 --> 00:59:33.230
-Italian neighborhood in Newark. And then they

00:59:33.230 --> 00:59:35.949
started doing... You were born in Newark? Newark,

00:59:35.949 --> 00:59:40.530
New Jersey. No shit. Let's go. That's where I

00:59:40.530 --> 00:59:43.110
learned karate. Is that really? From detectives

00:59:43.110 --> 00:59:45.730
in Newark. Really? Oh, yeah. Yeah, people don't

00:59:45.730 --> 00:59:47.110
know. You're a black belt in Taekwondo. Yeah,

00:59:47.110 --> 00:59:49.860
yeah, yeah, yeah. That's wild. Do you still do

00:59:49.860 --> 00:59:52.579
it at all? I mean, I work out, like, you know,

00:59:52.579 --> 00:59:56.000
not with people, but I know my moves, and I do

00:59:56.000 --> 00:59:58.179
a few in the new Netflix special. I throw some

00:59:58.179 --> 01:00:01.019
kicks for fun and tell the story about getting

01:00:01.019 --> 01:00:04.000
a black belt starting at six, getting bullied,

01:00:04.179 --> 01:00:06.780
my mom dragging me to the house with empty hands.

01:00:07.579 --> 01:00:09.980
That was what it was called. Ronnie Roselli,

01:00:10.139 --> 01:00:13.219
Newark detective, teaching me karate, almost

01:00:13.219 --> 01:00:15.840
like a father figure. Oh, that's awesome. Gave

01:00:15.840 --> 01:00:20.500
me confidence. self -respect, respect for others

01:00:20.500 --> 01:00:23.539
taught me that hard work pays off. You know,

01:00:23.579 --> 01:00:25.460
when you get a black belt at 10 and a half, you

01:00:25.460 --> 01:00:28.139
go, wow, maybe I could be something in my life.

01:00:28.159 --> 01:00:31.380
If I work as hard as I did at that, maybe I could

01:00:31.380 --> 01:00:33.619
be good at something else too. Yeah, for sure.

01:00:33.800 --> 01:00:36.389
I mean, it teaches you a lot about like. The

01:00:36.389 --> 01:00:38.489
belt system is really good because you get rewarded

01:00:38.489 --> 01:00:41.449
for your work and then you see a tangible result.

01:00:41.849 --> 01:00:43.670
Instead of just like, ooh, I'm getting better,

01:00:43.849 --> 01:00:47.010
it's like, ooh, there's a ceremony. I've reached

01:00:47.010 --> 01:00:50.510
a new level. Now I have to be. Some of my most

01:00:50.510 --> 01:00:54.230
cherished memories are those ceremonies. My dad

01:00:54.230 --> 01:00:56.789
and mom watching me get my brown belt, blue belt,

01:00:56.929 --> 01:00:59.550
brown belt, and black belt, competing in tournaments

01:00:59.550 --> 01:01:01.610
all over the East Coast. Isn't that awesome?

01:01:01.849 --> 01:01:05.360
What was his name, Gary? There's this karate

01:01:05.360 --> 01:01:08.860
guy. Gary Alexander. He threw East Coast tournaments,

01:01:08.980 --> 01:01:11.320
and I used to compete. I still have a room, half

01:01:11.320 --> 01:01:13.519
a dozen karate trophies in my house. That's awesome.

01:01:13.679 --> 01:01:16.280
It's the best time of my life. I lost most of

01:01:16.280 --> 01:01:18.420
my stuff, but I do have a bunch of medals that

01:01:18.420 --> 01:01:20.360
I still have that are in my drawer by my bed.

01:01:21.059 --> 01:01:23.039
A bunch of medals from the day. But it seems

01:01:23.039 --> 01:01:24.860
weird when I pick them up. They don't even seem

01:01:24.860 --> 01:01:27.579
real. It's from another life. Oh, it's another

01:01:27.579 --> 01:01:31.400
life. Like, I don't even... Until I, like...

01:01:31.519 --> 01:01:33.320
hit a bag or something like that i almost forget

01:01:33.320 --> 01:01:36.019
that i could do it you know and then i do it

01:01:36.019 --> 01:01:39.480
i'm like oh right still got it i like blah i

01:01:39.480 --> 01:01:43.639
i like my kicks i can front snap kick i can't

01:01:43.639 --> 01:01:45.920
side kick i can barely roundhouse at this point

01:01:45.920 --> 01:01:53.199
but it's like why not i got a belly i've there's

01:01:53.199 --> 01:01:56.940
no real good reason other than i'm just you know

01:01:57.400 --> 01:01:59.059
You ever thought about starting to take classes

01:01:59.059 --> 01:02:02.800
again? I do think about it. I probably could.

01:02:03.079 --> 01:02:07.099
Yeah. You're good at pushing me to do stuff like

01:02:07.099 --> 01:02:09.000
that. It'd be good for your health. Just take

01:02:09.000 --> 01:02:10.960
a class a couple times a week. What would I take?

01:02:11.019 --> 01:02:13.579
If I was a black belt in taekwondo. Take taekwondo.

01:02:13.739 --> 01:02:16.380
Just start taking that again. Yeah. I mean, you're

01:02:16.380 --> 01:02:17.780
doing it for exercise. It's not like you're going

01:02:17.780 --> 01:02:20.719
to fight in the UFC. No. Just go and start, you

01:02:20.719 --> 01:02:24.780
know. You'd probably. feel it a little bit and

01:02:24.780 --> 01:02:26.300
then you remember what you used to be able to

01:02:26.300 --> 01:02:28.940
do and so your muscle memory would kick in. Yeah.

01:02:29.039 --> 01:02:31.179
You'd start probably watching your diet a little

01:02:31.179 --> 01:02:33.099
bit better. Right, right, right. Drinking more

01:02:33.099 --> 01:02:37.510
water. Yeah. Taking vitamins. Next thing you

01:02:37.510 --> 01:02:39.489
know, four or five months have gone by, and now

01:02:39.489 --> 01:02:41.949
your waist is thinner. Your kicks are snappier.

01:02:42.349 --> 01:02:44.449
You're going to three classes a week instead

01:02:44.449 --> 01:02:48.690
of two. You feel better. People go, Jeff, look

01:02:48.690 --> 01:02:51.170
at you. You're looking great. Like, yeah, I started

01:02:51.170 --> 01:02:53.750
taking taekwondo again. Yeah, it's not a bad

01:02:53.750 --> 01:02:56.550
idea. I guess I wouldn't wear my black belt.

01:02:56.650 --> 01:03:01.170
I would feel like I was disrespecting the art.

01:03:01.789 --> 01:03:04.559
So I'd have to re -earn that. Well, you could

01:03:04.559 --> 01:03:06.440
always take a totally new style and start out

01:03:06.440 --> 01:03:09.480
as a white belt. You know, you take, like, Kyokushin,

01:03:09.579 --> 01:03:11.840
the shirt I'm wearing right now, George St. Pierre.

01:03:12.000 --> 01:03:13.880
Take something else. Just take something near

01:03:13.880 --> 01:03:16.559
you, like Krav Maga. Like, take anything. My

01:03:16.559 --> 01:03:19.079
manager, Amy, told me she was your publicist

01:03:19.079 --> 01:03:21.519
when you were on the cover of Black Belt magazine.

01:03:21.820 --> 01:03:26.340
Oh, yeah. Amy's V. Yeah. Yeah, way back in the

01:03:26.340 --> 01:03:30.840
dizzay. I love that. That's so funny. Yeah. I

01:03:30.840 --> 01:03:33.380
mean, I never stopped working out. I just don't.

01:03:33.639 --> 01:03:36.260
It's too much of a part of my brain. Like, my

01:03:36.260 --> 01:03:39.840
mind doesn't operate well if I have days. Even

01:03:39.840 --> 01:03:42.420
if I just take a couple days off, I don't feel

01:03:42.420 --> 01:03:46.079
right. I feel squirrely. I feel like I'm not

01:03:46.079 --> 01:03:49.460
balanced, you know? Sometimes I just like to

01:03:49.460 --> 01:03:51.559
stand in front of a mirror and just throw blocks

01:03:51.559 --> 01:03:55.019
and just make sure that I like the way that it

01:03:55.019 --> 01:03:57.699
feels and just do it. It's meditative. Yeah.

01:03:58.170 --> 01:03:59.989
Yeah. You know what I used to love doing, especially

01:03:59.989 --> 01:04:02.010
when I lived in California? I'd take a couple

01:04:02.010 --> 01:04:05.010
bong hits and just hit the bag. And just, like,

01:04:05.030 --> 01:04:09.369
feel it. Just... Just start feeling it. Just...

01:04:09.369 --> 01:04:13.690
Do you? Do you remember all those? I remember

01:04:13.690 --> 01:04:16.150
at least the first two, I think. God, I used

01:04:16.150 --> 01:04:18.829
to hate those things. I didn't think... I was

01:04:18.829 --> 01:04:20.929
young and immature, and I didn't understand the

01:04:20.929 --> 01:04:23.909
value of forms. I used to think that this is

01:04:23.909 --> 01:04:26.579
pointless. This isn't fighting. I only wanted

01:04:26.579 --> 01:04:29.239
to practice fighting technique. But now I understand.

01:04:29.500 --> 01:04:32.400
It teaches you body control. Like, you know,

01:04:32.400 --> 01:04:35.079
you throw a sidekick and you snap it up in the

01:04:35.079 --> 01:04:37.480
air and you hold it and you turn and block and

01:04:37.480 --> 01:04:39.980
all that stuff. Like, it teaches you body. It's

01:04:39.980 --> 01:04:43.039
almost like a form of yoga, you know, and it

01:04:43.039 --> 01:04:45.280
teaches you to control your body. I do a lot

01:04:45.280 --> 01:04:48.019
of kicks in the air now, and I do them slowly.

01:04:50.159 --> 01:04:53.019
It's really good for your control and your balance.

01:04:53.599 --> 01:04:56.199
And I didn't think that when I was younger. I

01:04:56.199 --> 01:04:58.099
thought that was like a waste of time. I thought

01:04:58.099 --> 01:04:59.599
like really what's important is like hitting

01:04:59.599 --> 01:05:02.920
things really hard and being fast. And now I

01:05:02.920 --> 01:05:04.679
realize like, no, no, no, no. There's like a

01:05:04.679 --> 01:05:08.059
lot of value even to help your techniques and

01:05:08.059 --> 01:05:10.300
to be able to hit things hard. Like do it slowly

01:05:10.300 --> 01:05:13.300
and just have full control of your balance and

01:05:13.300 --> 01:05:15.900
your movement. So I like to do that. I like to

01:05:15.900 --> 01:05:19.480
do, like, slow kicks. That's why I like yoga.

01:05:19.820 --> 01:05:23.760
Yoga's amazing. Yeah. I feel like that's akin

01:05:23.760 --> 01:05:26.539
to martial arts. It makes me high. Yoga is, like,

01:05:26.559 --> 01:05:28.199
the best high. You take your shoes off. Oh, yeah.

01:05:28.300 --> 01:05:30.500
Your phone is gone. You're so relaxed when it's

01:05:30.500 --> 01:05:31.719
over. It's just about your body and control.

01:05:31.719 --> 01:05:35.059
You're so calm. Yeah. Yeah. Yoga's so good for

01:05:35.059 --> 01:05:37.199
your brain. Usually on Mondays when I'm here,

01:05:37.239 --> 01:05:39.840
I would go with Tony to his high yoga. Yeah,

01:05:39.920 --> 01:05:42.340
oh, Tony loves it. Yeah, he raves about his yoga.

01:05:42.519 --> 01:05:44.460
He told me he's been off it a little bit. He

01:05:44.460 --> 01:05:47.260
has. Well, you know, the thing about Tony is,

01:05:47.280 --> 01:05:49.579
like, he's so focused on Kill Tony right now

01:05:49.579 --> 01:05:52.539
because the momentum is so extraordinary, and

01:05:52.539 --> 01:05:54.940
he realizes that. Like, Tony's really aware that

01:05:54.940 --> 01:05:57.219
he's in a very rare moment in his life where

01:05:57.219 --> 01:05:59.480
things are going so well, so he's got his foot

01:05:59.480 --> 01:06:02.000
on the gas. Yeah, of course. And he's got his

01:06:02.000 --> 01:06:04.320
new special that he filmed that he's editing

01:06:04.320 --> 01:06:07.119
right now, Get Ready to Release. I'm so proud

01:06:07.119 --> 01:06:09.750
of him, man. He's earned it. I always told him

01:06:09.750 --> 01:06:11.570
he would take a different path than a normal

01:06:11.570 --> 01:06:15.349
entertainer. He always had this kind of odd trajectory.

01:06:15.869 --> 01:06:19.230
Well, he's an odd guy. Yeah. You'd swear he's

01:06:19.230 --> 01:06:25.909
gay, and he's not. But he's an awesome person.

01:06:26.110 --> 01:06:28.690
People who don't know Tony, they see the outside

01:06:28.690 --> 01:06:31.769
of him. Of course. As a friend, he's a great

01:06:31.769 --> 01:06:34.050
friend. Of course. He's a great guy. I love that

01:06:34.050 --> 01:06:35.369
guy to death. We're always checking on each other.

01:06:35.980 --> 01:06:38.000
He's the best. He was so happy. He was the first

01:06:38.000 --> 01:06:39.800
one to text me when I knew I was coming down

01:06:39.800 --> 01:06:43.639
here. When I was workshopping my show, he came

01:06:43.639 --> 01:06:46.059
and saw it in Austin. He came to the opening

01:06:46.059 --> 01:06:48.800
night on Broadway in New York. He's like there

01:06:48.800 --> 01:06:51.760
for his friends. 100%. Well, that's the beautiful

01:06:51.760 --> 01:06:54.159
thing about Kill Tony is it's all about supporting

01:06:54.159 --> 01:06:57.179
people and giving people careers. I mean, he's

01:06:57.179 --> 01:06:59.619
given so many people careers and pumped so many

01:06:59.619 --> 01:07:03.960
people up. I mean, he's really – that thing,

01:07:04.139 --> 01:07:07.920
that Kill Tony thing is also – it is, in my opinion

01:07:07.920 --> 01:07:11.059
– well, first of all, for our club, it's the

01:07:11.059 --> 01:07:12.800
cornerstone of the club. It's one of the most

01:07:12.800 --> 01:07:14.639
important things about the Mothership because

01:07:14.639 --> 01:07:17.460
having Kill Tony at the Mothership every Monday

01:07:17.460 --> 01:07:20.539
night lets all these people that are upcoming

01:07:20.539 --> 01:07:23.920
comedians see what it's like to have one minute

01:07:23.920 --> 01:07:26.519
that you've polished and worked on really well

01:07:26.519 --> 01:07:29.139
and it kills, and then you pop, and then all

01:07:29.139 --> 01:07:31.559
of a sudden – You know, it's on YouTube. It's

01:07:31.559 --> 01:07:34.480
got 11 million views. And then, you know, maybe

01:07:34.480 --> 01:07:36.820
it's on Netflix. And it's got millions and millions

01:07:36.820 --> 01:07:38.739
of people watching all around the world. And

01:07:38.739 --> 01:07:40.179
then all of a sudden people come to see you in

01:07:40.179 --> 01:07:42.480
the clubs. And you're selling out weekends. And

01:07:42.480 --> 01:07:44.639
you're writing. And then you get a golden ticket.

01:07:44.739 --> 01:07:46.340
You've got to do a new minute every week. You're

01:07:46.340 --> 01:07:49.260
a regular. I mean, it's really. A new minute.

01:07:49.599 --> 01:07:53.219
My show comes on tonight. It's 90 minutes. It

01:07:53.219 --> 01:07:55.579
might be the longest stand -up special in Netflix

01:07:55.579 --> 01:07:58.420
history. Well, your show is like a one -man show.

01:07:58.760 --> 01:08:01.440
90. It's a little different, right? I haven't

01:08:01.440 --> 01:08:03.539
seen it, but I've heard great things. Yeah. You're

01:08:03.539 --> 01:08:06.159
going to love it. I'm sure I will. I think you're

01:08:06.159 --> 01:08:07.840
going to like it because it's about us. It's

01:08:07.840 --> 01:08:11.139
about comedy and the community of what we do.

01:08:12.219 --> 01:08:16.140
It's an embattled community, and it has its detractors,

01:08:16.159 --> 01:08:18.300
and it has a bunch of haters and a bunch of shitheads

01:08:18.300 --> 01:08:22.319
in it. But for the most part, as far as creative

01:08:22.319 --> 01:08:24.140
communities, it's one of the most supportive

01:08:24.140 --> 01:08:27.489
communities ever. I mean, it's an amazing, the

01:08:27.489 --> 01:08:29.949
community of comics, like real comics that are

01:08:29.949 --> 01:08:32.590
all, that when we meet up in clubs, it's always.

01:08:33.130 --> 01:08:35.430
hug like people think like we're all like angry

01:08:35.430 --> 01:08:39.750
bitter like no you know the tears of a clown

01:08:39.750 --> 01:08:42.630
it's not there's a few people like that and they

01:08:42.630 --> 01:08:45.810
always make me sad but the reality is like most

01:08:45.810 --> 01:08:48.210
of us are super happy to see each other it's

01:08:48.210 --> 01:08:51.130
always hugs and laughing and watching each other's

01:08:51.130 --> 01:08:54.390
sets and giving each other tags and and telling

01:08:54.390 --> 01:08:56.210
each other like oh that fucking new bit is amazing

01:08:56.210 --> 01:08:59.270
it's like it's so supportive i was at your club

01:08:59.270 --> 01:09:02.470
last night and it was like Comics come in to

01:09:02.470 --> 01:09:05.229
say hi. I brought some extra chicken wings. Jamar

01:09:05.229 --> 01:09:08.069
was there. It was just fun. Moses was doing roast

01:09:08.069 --> 01:09:10.670
battle. I sat in on that. Then I went outside,

01:09:10.909 --> 01:09:13.069
said hi to some people, and went upstairs and

01:09:13.069 --> 01:09:18.739
did a spot. It's like... I don't have a wife

01:09:18.739 --> 01:09:21.319
and kids to go home to. This is what I do. This

01:09:21.319 --> 01:09:24.180
is the people that I love. The comedians are

01:09:24.180 --> 01:09:27.380
my kids, my cousins, my uncles, my aunts, you

01:09:27.380 --> 01:09:29.659
know? Well, I do have a wife and kids, but it's

01:09:29.659 --> 01:09:32.800
still my other family. It's like the family of

01:09:32.800 --> 01:09:35.960
comedians, it's like a band of brothers and sisters.

01:09:36.140 --> 01:09:39.680
It's like a weird kind of friendship that, you

01:09:39.680 --> 01:09:43.539
know, it's like only they know what you do. Only

01:09:43.539 --> 01:09:46.939
they understand that it's like 10 years before

01:09:46.939 --> 01:09:51.119
you're even any good. 10 years. If you're out

01:09:51.119 --> 01:09:53.420
there and you're headlining a club and you're

01:09:53.420 --> 01:09:56.539
on the road, you fucking put in that work. There's

01:09:56.539 --> 01:09:58.960
no shortcuts. It's impossible to have a shortcut.

01:09:59.319 --> 01:10:03.600
You just got to grind. I learned over time, I

01:10:03.600 --> 01:10:06.819
don't want a shortcut. I like the process. That's

01:10:06.819 --> 01:10:10.239
what I live for. We have a roast coming up May

01:10:10.239 --> 01:10:15.710
10th. It's not about May 10th. It's about I can't

01:10:15.710 --> 01:10:17.829
wait to hang in the writer's room again. I can't

01:10:17.829 --> 01:10:20.289
wait to figure out who's coming. I can't wait

01:10:20.289 --> 01:10:23.170
to figure out the seating. Who are we going to

01:10:23.170 --> 01:10:25.430
make fun of? Who's going to be in the front?

01:10:26.289 --> 01:10:30.229
What am I going to wear? It is the grind that's

01:10:30.229 --> 01:10:33.689
exciting. There's no finish line. The finish

01:10:33.689 --> 01:10:35.630
line doesn't exist. You'll have little finish

01:10:35.630 --> 01:10:37.390
lines like you do a special, like your special

01:10:37.390 --> 01:10:40.180
that's coming out. That's a finish line. But

01:10:40.180 --> 01:10:43.539
it's only a stop. Right. You're stopping to get

01:10:43.539 --> 01:10:45.579
water. But where is the finish line, Joe? Like,

01:10:45.659 --> 01:10:48.579
okay, so I did the Broadway show. Then I shot

01:10:48.579 --> 01:10:50.779
it. Then I edited it. But now I'm here still

01:10:50.779 --> 01:10:53.060
talking about it. And then in a month from now,

01:10:53.140 --> 01:10:54.619
two months from now, someone will stop me at

01:10:54.619 --> 01:10:58.000
the airport and go, hey, my kid was sick. I was

01:10:58.000 --> 01:10:59.960
in the hospital. I watched your thing. And it

01:10:59.960 --> 01:11:05.100
made me laugh for five minutes. So all of it

01:11:05.100 --> 01:11:07.979
is, there's no finish line. No, there's no finish

01:11:07.979 --> 01:11:10.380
line. If you're sitting around going. I hope

01:11:10.380 --> 01:11:14.039
I win the Oscar. Tom Cruise is jealous of George

01:11:14.039 --> 01:11:16.159
Clooney, and George Clooney is jealous of Brad

01:11:16.159 --> 01:11:18.680
Pitt. There's no finish line. There's no finish

01:11:18.680 --> 01:11:21.180
line. I have a big neon, like you have the neon.

01:11:21.340 --> 01:11:23.659
I have a big neon in my house that just says,

01:11:23.680 --> 01:11:26.840
enjoy the process. Yeah. That's where I'm at.

01:11:27.000 --> 01:11:29.819
Yeah. Trust it. Trust the process and enjoy it.

01:11:30.100 --> 01:11:33.180
And that's the weird thing about when you release

01:11:33.180 --> 01:11:36.140
a special and then you have nothing. And then,

01:11:36.140 --> 01:11:38.640
you know, you have to, like, scour your brain

01:11:38.640 --> 01:11:41.220
for what you want to talk about. I took, like,

01:11:41.279 --> 01:11:43.840
a whole month off of stand -up after my last

01:11:43.840 --> 01:11:46.239
special. I didn't do any stand -up. Maybe more

01:11:46.239 --> 01:11:49.319
than a month. And I just thought. I said, let

01:11:49.319 --> 01:11:51.840
me just think. Just, like, no pressure. Let me

01:11:51.840 --> 01:11:53.939
just think. Like, what is interesting to me?

01:11:54.000 --> 01:11:55.520
What do I want to talk about? Instead of just

01:11:55.520 --> 01:11:57.720
rushing to try to put together a new hour. Right.

01:11:57.880 --> 01:12:00.659
Let me just think for a while. You know, and

01:12:00.659 --> 01:12:02.239
I'd come to the club every now and then and watch.

01:12:02.750 --> 01:12:04.750
Watch guys do sets. But I didn't do any sets

01:12:04.750 --> 01:12:07.670
for a while. I'm in that zone right now. It's

01:12:07.670 --> 01:12:11.909
nice. You know what? Scary. When I first finished

01:12:11.909 --> 01:12:15.329
the special, it was years of material building

01:12:15.329 --> 01:12:18.510
with a through line and a story. And then when

01:12:18.510 --> 01:12:22.029
it was over, I was a little bit lost. Like, I'd

01:12:22.029 --> 01:12:24.050
go to the comedy cellar. I was still in New York.

01:12:24.090 --> 01:12:27.369
I couldn't let go of some of the... And I was

01:12:27.369 --> 01:12:29.909
like, I need to stop doing this material. And

01:12:29.909 --> 01:12:32.850
then I felt like... i had no purpose like i i

01:12:32.850 --> 01:12:34.390
didn't want to talk about anything and i said

01:12:34.390 --> 01:12:37.270
it to my buddy kai and he goes dude relax you're

01:12:37.270 --> 01:12:40.170
between albums like he put it in musical sense

01:12:40.170 --> 01:12:42.170
for me he's like you're like a musician between

01:12:42.170 --> 01:12:45.369
albums absorb some new things see some movies

01:12:45.369 --> 01:12:48.710
go on a trip have some new life experiences and

01:12:48.710 --> 01:12:51.329
then i was like yeah that's probably a break

01:12:51.329 --> 01:12:54.630
after doing the same thing the same kind of hunk

01:12:54.630 --> 01:12:58.010
for years your your body your brain like think

01:12:58.010 --> 01:13:02.180
about something else absorb new download new

01:13:02.180 --> 01:13:04.939
influences. And that's kind of where I'm at.

01:13:05.100 --> 01:13:07.260
And then, of course, Kevin was like, I'll get

01:13:07.260 --> 01:13:09.220
roasted. And I was like, all right, I can put

01:13:09.220 --> 01:13:10.920
stand -up away for another two months and just

01:13:10.920 --> 01:13:14.520
write that. Yeah. So I go back into roast mode,

01:13:14.680 --> 01:13:16.819
which gives me – I'm like a dog who needs a job.

01:13:17.159 --> 01:13:21.119
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. It's kind of the same

01:13:21.119 --> 01:13:23.939
thing as your dog. It really is. It's like you

01:13:23.939 --> 01:13:26.300
need a task. If you're just doing nothing, like

01:13:26.300 --> 01:13:28.479
the idea of like, oh, one day I'm going to retire

01:13:28.479 --> 01:13:30.680
and just relax. Like, bitch, you'll go crazy.

01:13:31.600 --> 01:13:34.060
Did you see we're roasting Kevin Hart? That's

01:13:34.060 --> 01:13:35.859
what I heard. Are you supposed to say that though?

01:13:36.119 --> 01:13:37.899
Yeah. Are you supposed to talk about it? I am.

01:13:38.079 --> 01:13:42.180
Okay. You're allowed to? My show. Okay, because

01:13:42.180 --> 01:13:44.439
I was told not to tell people about it. We're

01:13:44.439 --> 01:13:47.220
doing it. May 10th, baby. Mother's Day, live

01:13:47.220 --> 01:13:50.100
on Netflix. So you're officially announcing it.

01:13:50.159 --> 01:13:52.119
Yeah. Okay, I can talk about it now. At the forum.

01:13:52.300 --> 01:13:53.859
Because I was told about it, but I was told I

01:13:53.859 --> 01:13:55.020
was not supposed to tell anybody about it. I

01:13:55.020 --> 01:13:57.560
don't know who told you that. Some people. They

01:13:57.560 --> 01:14:00.199
said keep it under wraps. Oh, it's already a

01:14:00.199 --> 01:14:01.619
thing. Yeah, they announced it this weekend,

01:14:01.659 --> 01:14:05.220
I think. Oh, hosted by Shane Gillis. Let's fucking

01:14:05.220 --> 01:14:09.479
go. Nice. That's awesome. That's awesome. Sweet,

01:14:09.479 --> 01:14:12.399
right? Kevin is so pumped up. That's awesome.

01:14:12.779 --> 01:14:15.300
That's going to be fun. Dude, he's out. These

01:14:15.300 --> 01:14:19.020
Netflix fucking, the Tom Brady one was insane.

01:14:19.539 --> 01:14:23.819
That was so good. That was so good. That kind

01:14:23.819 --> 01:14:26.220
of like juiced comedy back up again because it

01:14:26.220 --> 01:14:30.220
was so wild. It was like the jokes were so wild.

01:14:30.279 --> 01:14:32.619
It was so raw. Yeah. And we had gone through

01:14:32.619 --> 01:14:34.699
this, like, weird period of, like, people getting

01:14:34.699 --> 01:14:37.119
canceled for jokes. Right. And, you know, it's

01:14:37.119 --> 01:14:40.060
like all of a sudden, like, no, that's gone.

01:14:40.180 --> 01:14:43.960
No, no, no. I said to him, I've been big game

01:14:43.960 --> 01:14:46.359
hunting Tom Brady for years. It took a couple

01:14:46.359 --> 01:14:48.699
years. He retired, unretired, but I kept him

01:14:48.699 --> 01:14:53.020
on the line. And finally we were shooting promos,

01:14:53.020 --> 01:14:55.939
and I was like, why are you doing this? Because

01:14:55.939 --> 01:14:59.319
I could tell it's starting to heat up and some

01:14:59.319 --> 01:15:01.260
heavy hitters were signing on. I go, why are

01:15:01.260 --> 01:15:05.000
you doing that? It wasn't for the money. And

01:15:05.000 --> 01:15:07.140
he goes, I want to bring comedy back. I'm sick

01:15:07.140 --> 01:15:09.300
of the woke bullshit and cancel. I want to make

01:15:09.300 --> 01:15:13.039
comedy fun again. He understood that. And I caught

01:15:13.039 --> 01:15:15.720
him on a Super Bowl Sunday. He was playing in

01:15:15.720 --> 01:15:18.119
the Super Bowl. And I saw him looking at some

01:15:18.119 --> 01:15:21.699
jokes on Instagram that I posted. And I'm like...

01:15:22.029 --> 01:15:25.069
This is where he goes to relax. He goes to the

01:15:25.069 --> 01:15:28.109
roast. And I'd heard that. So as I was like,

01:15:28.149 --> 01:15:29.989
he won the game, and I was like, I think it's

01:15:29.989 --> 01:15:32.949
time. And then we reeled him in, and he did it.

01:15:33.569 --> 01:15:38.470
And I will admit, that roast was harsher than

01:15:38.470 --> 01:15:43.229
even I expected. It was vicious. I mean, it was

01:15:43.229 --> 01:15:46.470
a bloodbath. And I saw Tom the other day, and

01:15:46.470 --> 01:15:50.229
I said, it's time to take your win. You know,

01:15:50.229 --> 01:15:52.229
he was like, it was so harsh. It was tough on

01:15:52.229 --> 01:15:56.250
my family. I go, I get all that. But you wanted

01:15:56.250 --> 01:15:59.350
to do it to bring comedy back. You did that.

01:15:59.430 --> 01:16:03.010
1 .6 billion viewing minutes. Emmy nominated

01:16:03.010 --> 01:16:06.909
against the Oscars and the Super Bowl. It was

01:16:06.909 --> 01:16:09.909
the most watched thing in the history of Netflix.

01:16:10.189 --> 01:16:12.069
Right. You know how nuts that is? Think about

01:16:12.069 --> 01:16:14.310
how many things are on Netflix. That roast was

01:16:14.310 --> 01:16:17.350
the most watched thing in the history of Netflix.

01:16:17.550 --> 01:16:20.439
And it was because it was so funny. It wasn't

01:16:20.439 --> 01:16:22.539
just because it was Tom Brady, which, of course,

01:16:22.579 --> 01:16:24.979
made a lot. But it wasn't just because all these

01:16:24.979 --> 01:16:27.079
great comics were on it, which, of course, meant

01:16:27.079 --> 01:16:30.579
a lot. Right. It was so good. It was so good

01:16:30.579 --> 01:16:32.279
that people were telling people about it. Yeah.

01:16:33.119 --> 01:16:36.399
And it's like a great Super Bowl. It's going

01:16:36.399 --> 01:16:39.000
to be around forever. Yes. Netflix leaves it

01:16:39.000 --> 01:16:40.720
up. Like the Charlie Sheen roast. We were talking

01:16:40.720 --> 01:16:42.340
about Patrice. Yeah. They're always going to

01:16:42.340 --> 01:16:43.859
be there. It's going to be there forever. I do

01:16:43.859 --> 01:16:47.029
think. All respect to Tom, I do think this one

01:16:47.029 --> 01:16:49.409
with Kevin and Shane Gillis is going to top it.

01:16:49.470 --> 01:16:52.930
Really? I think it's not quite a sequel, but

01:16:52.930 --> 01:16:56.590
it's its own thing. It's going to be the greatest

01:16:56.590 --> 01:16:59.289
roast of all time. Netflix is the place for roast

01:16:59.289 --> 01:17:01.949
now because as great as Comedy Central was, you

01:17:01.949 --> 01:17:04.090
had restrictions on language and content. Right.

01:17:04.409 --> 01:17:08.130
And it was editing. Yes, editing. And commercials.

01:17:08.510 --> 01:17:11.710
Right. Yeah. Right. This is buck wild. Buck wild.

01:17:11.729 --> 01:17:15.010
Yeah. Netflix is fucking amazing. I mean, what

01:17:15.010 --> 01:17:18.869
an insane platform that you have. You could never

01:17:18.869 --> 01:17:21.350
get bored. If you're bored in this life, like

01:17:21.350 --> 01:17:23.550
you're bored, you don't have anything to watch.

01:17:23.630 --> 01:17:25.810
Like, are you crazy? Yeah. There's so much shit

01:17:25.810 --> 01:17:27.630
to watch. Only boring people are bored, right?

01:17:27.729 --> 01:17:31.329
Yeah. Or people are uninformed. But I mean, even

01:17:31.329 --> 01:17:33.569
in this day and age, you could just, you know,

01:17:33.569 --> 01:17:36.939
do an internet search. Like, what's the best

01:17:36.939 --> 01:17:39.239
roasts on Netflix? Right. What are the best dramas

01:17:39.239 --> 01:17:41.119
on Netflix? What are the best shows on Netflix?

01:17:41.340 --> 01:17:44.359
Right. There's always something. That's exciting,

01:17:44.380 --> 01:17:47.020
though. It's going to be a big one. Yeah. Mother's

01:17:47.020 --> 01:17:49.720
Day. Motherfucker's Day. Kevin Hart, there's

01:17:49.720 --> 01:17:51.899
a guy, like, I don't understand how he has the

01:17:51.899 --> 01:17:54.640
time to do all the things he does. I do not understand

01:17:54.640 --> 01:17:57.600
it. I'm a pretty busy person, and I look at people

01:17:57.600 --> 01:17:59.739
like him, and I feel lazy. I'm like, how are

01:17:59.739 --> 01:18:01.739
you doing this? Right. How do you have time to

01:18:01.739 --> 01:18:04.560
sleep? Right. And I saw him out with his wife

01:18:04.560 --> 01:18:07.119
having drinks two nights last weekend. He must

01:18:07.119 --> 01:18:08.739
sleep like four hours a night. I don't know how

01:18:08.739 --> 01:18:11.260
he does it. Some people are just built different.

01:18:11.500 --> 01:18:14.359
Yeah, I mean, well, it's growing up poor and

01:18:14.359 --> 01:18:16.699
realizing that once this is happening for you,

01:18:16.800 --> 01:18:20.579
keep your foot on the gas. And that guy keeps

01:18:20.579 --> 01:18:22.880
his foot on the gas better than anybody. And

01:18:22.880 --> 01:18:25.300
he's ambitious as fuck. He's always got like

01:18:25.300 --> 01:18:27.800
some tequila brand and releasing this. He had

01:18:27.800 --> 01:18:31.300
a vegan restaurant chain for a while. I would

01:18:31.300 --> 01:18:33.079
have talked him out of that. What the fuck are

01:18:33.079 --> 01:18:36.319
you doing with that? Well, you know, he likes

01:18:36.319 --> 01:18:39.699
to branch out and be a businessman. Yeah. I just

01:18:39.699 --> 01:18:42.520
don't understand the time. And then in the meantime,

01:18:42.619 --> 01:18:45.100
he's doing arenas at the same time. And killing.

01:18:45.399 --> 01:18:48.800
Yeah. I don't get it. The roast. The roast for

01:18:48.800 --> 01:18:52.000
him is back to his roots. That's what I love

01:18:52.000 --> 01:18:54.640
about it. It's like the Philly thing, talking

01:18:54.640 --> 01:18:57.899
shit. Shane's from Philly, so there'll be a big

01:18:57.899 --> 01:19:02.720
Philly angle. And we got some of his oldest buddies

01:19:02.720 --> 01:19:05.100
coming on. It's going to be pretty massive, I

01:19:05.100 --> 01:19:07.300
think. That's nice. Yeah. Well, you've carved

01:19:07.300 --> 01:19:09.500
out an interesting path for yourself as the roast

01:19:09.500 --> 01:19:13.800
master. Yeah. It's like an old school skill.

01:19:14.670 --> 01:19:17.229
You know, that used to be a big part of comedy.

01:19:17.310 --> 01:19:20.590
You know, the Friars Club roasts. Yeah. I miss

01:19:20.590 --> 01:19:22.649
those Friars Club roasts when they were just

01:19:22.649 --> 01:19:25.649
like, you know. Sometimes they weren't even on

01:19:25.649 --> 01:19:28.630
TV yet when I was doing them. I just bought a

01:19:28.630 --> 01:19:31.670
Leroy Neiman painting. They had an auction of

01:19:31.670 --> 01:19:34.890
old Friars memorabilia, and Leroy Neiman painted

01:19:34.890 --> 01:19:37.689
Henny Youngman surrounded, and he painted his

01:19:37.689 --> 01:19:40.229
punch lines like around his one -liners around

01:19:40.229 --> 01:19:43.350
Henny holding his violin. It used to sit in the

01:19:43.350 --> 01:19:45.289
dining room at the New York Friars, and Henny

01:19:45.289 --> 01:19:47.409
in his wheelchair would sit under that painting.

01:19:47.810 --> 01:19:50.289
And for some reason it's all up for auction,

01:19:50.390 --> 01:19:52.449
so of course I had to grab it. Oh, that's awesome.

01:19:52.609 --> 01:19:54.869
That's so cool that you got it. Yeah. That's

01:19:54.869 --> 01:19:58.100
amazing. I miss some of those guys. Think about

01:19:58.100 --> 01:19:59.939
Buddy Hackett. I almost wore a Buddy Hackett

01:19:59.939 --> 01:20:02.600
t -shirt today. I loved Buddy Hackett. He has

01:20:02.600 --> 01:20:04.659
a Buddy Hackett t -shirt? Somebody made me a

01:20:04.659 --> 01:20:07.239
Buddy Hackett t -shirt and gave it to me. Yeah,

01:20:07.279 --> 01:20:09.239
those guys are from a different time, you know?

01:20:09.479 --> 01:20:12.659
Different time. No television. No nothing. Doing

01:20:12.659 --> 01:20:16.020
the cat skills. Right. Different world. They

01:20:16.020 --> 01:20:18.359
would do each other's acts. They would do whatever

01:20:18.359 --> 01:20:22.020
got a laugh. Yeah. They were assassins on the

01:20:22.020 --> 01:20:25.529
road. It was a totally different life. And if

01:20:25.529 --> 01:20:27.930
you had a name, like you had a name back then,

01:20:28.029 --> 01:20:30.529
like if you were a famous comedian back then,

01:20:30.590 --> 01:20:33.149
there was the rarest of rare things. Yeah. How

01:20:33.149 --> 01:20:35.250
many of them were there? There was like 10. Right.

01:20:35.430 --> 01:20:38.529
You know? Shecky, Buddy, Nipsey. Few of those

01:20:38.529 --> 01:20:40.949
guys. Yeah. Few of those guys. There are not

01:20:40.949 --> 01:20:44.569
many left. No. They're really all gone now. Yeah.

01:20:45.430 --> 01:20:47.270
That's what happens. That's going to happen to

01:20:47.270 --> 01:20:50.210
us, Buddy. That's what I hear. Better than the

01:20:50.210 --> 01:20:54.880
alternative. What? Stay around forever? No. You

01:20:54.880 --> 01:20:57.640
either keep going or you saw the picture, Gilbert,

01:20:57.840 --> 01:21:00.479
Norm, Bob, you know, the alternative is death.

01:21:00.939 --> 01:21:02.899
So when I go, I don't want to get old, I go,

01:21:02.939 --> 01:21:07.479
yeah, you want to get old. Yeah. As long as you

01:21:07.479 --> 01:21:09.840
keep your body moving. You just don't want to

01:21:09.840 --> 01:21:14.119
be an old, like, completely incapacitated person.

01:21:15.239 --> 01:21:18.100
Like that's, especially if it's avoidable. Right.

01:21:18.199 --> 01:21:20.060
You know what I mean? I went through it all year.

01:21:20.239 --> 01:21:23.220
I went in for a – three weeks after that Brady

01:21:23.220 --> 01:21:26.020
roast, I went in for a colonoscopy. My buddy

01:21:26.020 --> 01:21:30.279
Jordan had been texting our text chain. Everyone's

01:21:30.279 --> 01:21:32.600
got to get – he's like kind of a hypochondriac,

01:21:32.600 --> 01:21:34.779
so I kind of ignored it. I was like, yeah, yeah,

01:21:34.840 --> 01:21:36.500
yeah, yeah, yeah. I was too busy. I was on the

01:21:36.500 --> 01:21:39.180
road. And then finally I went in for a routine

01:21:39.180 --> 01:21:41.920
colonoscopy, and I waited too long, and they

01:21:41.920 --> 01:21:46.880
found a tumor in my colon. And immediately that,

01:21:47.020 --> 01:21:49.979
an hour, two hours later, was on the phone with

01:21:49.979 --> 01:21:57.739
a surgeon. And stage three. And found a specialist,

01:21:57.880 --> 01:22:01.060
took care of it right away, but never felt doomed.

01:22:01.399 --> 01:22:03.539
Have you changed your diet after that? Yeah,

01:22:03.560 --> 01:22:06.920
I'm eating a lot less red meat. Red meat? Now

01:22:06.920 --> 01:22:09.350
when I eat red meat, it's like... going to be

01:22:09.350 --> 01:22:11.810
the best red meat. Why is it red meat? I don't

01:22:11.810 --> 01:22:14.590
know. I mean, for me, growing up in a catering

01:22:14.590 --> 01:22:17.510
hall in New Jersey around pastrami and prime

01:22:17.510 --> 01:22:20.250
rib, and he said that that was a big cause of

01:22:20.250 --> 01:22:24.369
colon cancer. Really? Yeah. And processed foods.

01:22:24.649 --> 01:22:26.609
Processed foods make sense. Yeah. That makes

01:22:26.609 --> 01:22:28.930
sense. So I'm eating a lot less of that. Yeah.

01:22:28.970 --> 01:22:31.130
I moved over to turkey and chicken and a little

01:22:31.130 --> 01:22:33.970
bit of fish. and cut out the processed stuff?

01:22:34.149 --> 01:22:36.229
As much as I can. What about alcohol? Did you

01:22:36.229 --> 01:22:38.470
cut that out? I've never been a big drinker.

01:22:38.590 --> 01:22:41.729
That's good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's a little

01:22:41.729 --> 01:22:43.850
wake -up call. I mean, you have a health scare.

01:22:44.010 --> 01:22:46.010
Yeah. A little wake -up call. Time to take care

01:22:46.010 --> 01:22:48.489
of yourself. I just had the, you know, I talk

01:22:48.489 --> 01:22:50.770
about this on my show, like I had my chemo poured

01:22:50.770 --> 01:22:54.489
in on Broadway, on the show, and I was like,

01:22:54.529 --> 01:22:58.069
still kind of in it. It's like I was having a

01:22:58.069 --> 01:23:02.579
human experience on stage and just, Two weeks

01:23:02.579 --> 01:23:05.520
ago, I had the chemo port taken out. My sister

01:23:05.520 --> 01:23:08.560
came down to celebrate and hang with me. And

01:23:08.560 --> 01:23:12.000
it's like a war prize. Like, I hold the port

01:23:12.000 --> 01:23:13.739
where they put the chemo. Like, I have it on

01:23:13.739 --> 01:23:18.500
my desk now. And let's just say they put a lot

01:23:18.500 --> 01:23:20.819
more in people than they take out. So I feel

01:23:20.819 --> 01:23:24.300
very lucky. I survived it all. Yeah, I'm glad

01:23:24.300 --> 01:23:26.079
you're alive, dude. People die with those fucking

01:23:26.079 --> 01:23:29.810
ports in them. They do. Well, they die with cancer.

01:23:29.909 --> 01:23:31.609
That's for damn sure. Yeah. Colon cancer is a

01:23:31.609 --> 01:23:33.729
very common one. This guy, James Vanderbeek,

01:23:33.810 --> 01:23:35.890
younger than me. I know. He passed away. I met

01:23:35.890 --> 01:23:38.350
him. He was a nice fucking guy, man. He came

01:23:38.350 --> 01:23:40.909
to the club, hung out with his wife in the green

01:23:40.909 --> 01:23:43.890
room. Sweetest guy. Just such a nice guy. And

01:23:43.890 --> 01:23:46.630
apparently he was struggling back then. I didn't

01:23:46.630 --> 01:23:49.869
know. He looked real thin, you know? So when

01:23:49.869 --> 01:23:51.949
you asked me right when you walked in, how are

01:23:51.949 --> 01:23:55.250
you doing? I was like, great. You know, like

01:23:55.250 --> 01:23:59.149
it was a pointed question. And you asked. Politely

01:23:59.149 --> 01:24:00.890
and innocently and I was like, yeah, I didn't

01:24:00.890 --> 01:24:03.670
know that you had gone through that. Yeah Yeah,

01:24:03.789 --> 01:24:06.170
got everyone. I haven't seen you and when was

01:24:06.170 --> 01:24:09.010
awesome. I saw you. I saw you in DC I saw you

01:24:09.010 --> 01:24:12.970
in New York for kill Tony Briefly. Yeah. Yeah,

01:24:12.989 --> 01:24:15.289
we didn't like sit down. No. No shit. We had

01:24:15.289 --> 01:24:18.369
a drink Was it your birthday in New York when

01:24:18.369 --> 01:24:20.609
you were doing kill Tony? Mm -hmm. Was it here

01:24:20.609 --> 01:24:25.140
one of the New York? Yeah I remember that. But

01:24:25.140 --> 01:24:27.340
then I saw you in D .C. with your family. It

01:24:27.340 --> 01:24:32.399
was quick. But I feel like I see you because

01:24:32.399 --> 01:24:34.920
I pop into the mothership, but I always pop in

01:24:34.920 --> 01:24:39.539
on the weekends when you're off. Yeah. Yeah,

01:24:39.579 --> 01:24:41.460
it was a crazy thing, man. I've never been sick

01:24:41.460 --> 01:24:43.500
a day in my life. I've always had that, like,

01:24:43.600 --> 01:24:45.859
my grandfather used to call it world -beater

01:24:45.859 --> 01:24:48.460
energy. Like, I always felt invincible, never

01:24:48.460 --> 01:24:51.800
thought for a second it would be me. Yeah. And

01:24:51.800 --> 01:24:54.239
then I did wait too long to get a colonoscopy.

01:24:54.359 --> 01:24:56.420
And they're not a big deal. Like, guys are afraid

01:24:56.420 --> 01:24:58.260
of colonoscopies because... Because something's

01:24:58.260 --> 01:25:01.100
up your butt. Yeah, but in the end, it really

01:25:01.100 --> 01:25:03.890
isn't up your butt. It's a... doctor checking

01:25:03.890 --> 01:25:06.350
you out. That's what they tell you when you wake

01:25:06.350 --> 01:25:11.310
up. They go up your butt, bro. And get the endoscopy,

01:25:11.310 --> 01:25:14.329
especially for smokers and stuff like that. And

01:25:14.329 --> 01:25:19.949
for what is essentially a one -day inconvenience,

01:25:20.050 --> 01:25:23.310
they can really save your life. It did save my

01:25:23.310 --> 01:25:25.350
life. Well, I'm glad you cleaned up your diet.

01:25:25.800 --> 01:25:27.739
Yeah. You know, you got to do that because I

01:25:27.739 --> 01:25:29.539
know that you are, I mean, I've run into you

01:25:29.539 --> 01:25:32.119
at Cat's Deli before, too. That's another thing

01:25:32.119 --> 01:25:35.319
I needed to talk to you about. What? I forgot

01:25:35.319 --> 01:25:37.880
all about this until you brought it up. Do you

01:25:37.880 --> 01:25:40.159
remember running into me at Cat's Deli with Tony?

01:25:41.159 --> 01:25:43.699
I guess you must have been in town doing stand

01:25:43.699 --> 01:25:46.159
-up or something. This was like already 10 years

01:25:46.159 --> 01:25:48.479
ago. I don't think it was that long ago, was

01:25:48.479 --> 01:25:53.119
it? It was, and I'll tell you how I know. One

01:25:53.119 --> 01:25:56.470
of the things when I... When I got booked on

01:25:56.470 --> 01:25:59.729
this appearance, I said, I make a mental note.

01:25:59.789 --> 01:26:02.789
I owe Rogan an apology. And it's not a big deal,

01:26:02.850 --> 01:26:08.770
but it always kind of bugged me. I came in to

01:26:08.770 --> 01:26:14.729
say hi, and I was self -conscious because I had

01:26:14.729 --> 01:26:16.229
something wrong with me, and I didn't know what

01:26:16.229 --> 01:26:20.029
it was. And you said, what's with your eyebrows?

01:26:21.109 --> 01:26:25.399
And I, like... I kind of shoulder shrugged, and

01:26:25.399 --> 01:26:26.859
you were like, is it for a roll? And I was like,

01:26:26.939 --> 01:26:31.180
yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh. Do you have any recollection?

01:26:31.319 --> 01:26:34.159
I do. And I lied. Yeah. Because I was embarrassed.

01:26:34.159 --> 01:26:36.380
You said I shaved him off for a roll. I was like,

01:26:36.420 --> 01:26:39.560
oh, that's crazy. What are you playing? I was

01:26:39.560 --> 01:26:44.159
embarrassed because I had alopecia. Didn't really

01:26:44.159 --> 01:26:46.460
understand what was happening to me yet. And

01:26:46.460 --> 01:26:49.819
you saw the picture. I had a big fro, big bushy

01:26:49.819 --> 01:26:53.609
eyebrows. I was like the Propecia Man of the

01:26:53.609 --> 01:27:01.090
Year. And I don't know what causes it. It's an

01:27:01.090 --> 01:27:03.789
autoimmune thing. It's not life -threatening.

01:27:05.510 --> 01:27:09.850
But suddenly I looked completely different. My

01:27:09.850 --> 01:27:13.189
fame, like if anyone ever recognized me, walking

01:27:13.189 --> 01:27:15.529
into a restaurant, you know, get a good table,

01:27:15.670 --> 01:27:18.029
skip the line. It was all gone just suddenly

01:27:18.029 --> 01:27:22.619
and within a few weeks. I was, I remember being

01:27:22.619 --> 01:27:24.680
at Zany's in Nashville and just scratching my

01:27:24.680 --> 01:27:27.319
head and like a big clump of hair came out. Then

01:27:27.319 --> 01:27:29.079
I was on a plane and I was like, there's no hair

01:27:29.079 --> 01:27:31.979
on my leg. What the fuck's going on? And then

01:27:31.979 --> 01:27:37.659
within a month, me and Adam Egatt and Tony went

01:27:37.659 --> 01:27:40.359
to the barbershop on Melrose. They came with

01:27:40.359 --> 01:27:42.800
me because I was kind of like shaken up. Like,

01:27:42.859 --> 01:27:45.159
what is happening to me? Am I dying? So it happened

01:27:45.159 --> 01:27:47.479
really quickly? It happens all within a few weeks.

01:27:48.029 --> 01:27:50.409
All your hair fell off within a few weeks. And

01:27:50.409 --> 01:27:53.949
then when I thought it was done, eyebrows started

01:27:53.949 --> 01:27:59.590
going. And then eyelashes. So sweat, salt. I

01:27:59.590 --> 01:28:02.770
was like, what the fuck? I didn't even recognize

01:28:02.770 --> 01:28:07.649
myself. Is there anything they do that reverses

01:28:07.649 --> 01:28:11.510
that? There's some medications. Dr. Drew actually

01:28:11.510 --> 01:28:15.720
hooked me up with a research doctor. Brett King,

01:28:15.899 --> 01:28:18.680
he was at Yale at the time in Connecticut, and

01:28:18.680 --> 01:28:22.819
I did have some restoration of eyelashes and

01:28:22.819 --> 01:28:26.659
eyebrows, but the side effects were a little

01:28:26.659 --> 01:28:32.279
bit scary, and they lower your immune system

01:28:32.279 --> 01:28:37.720
a little bit. So I did that for years. And then

01:28:37.720 --> 01:28:40.439
when I got cancer, I was like, fuck those meds.

01:28:40.439 --> 01:28:42.960
I can't do it anymore. Right. And the chemo.

01:28:43.710 --> 01:28:47.329
eyebrows, eyelashes gone again. Wow. And now

01:28:47.329 --> 01:28:50.369
I'm literally, like, hairless. Like, I have no

01:28:50.369 --> 01:28:54.529
hair. And, you know, you learn to live with it.

01:28:54.770 --> 01:28:56.569
You know, you got to channel your inner rock

01:28:56.569 --> 01:28:58.770
star. Listen, there's worse things that can happen.

01:28:58.850 --> 01:29:02.229
Believe me, I get it. You know. Right. More than

01:29:02.229 --> 01:29:06.229
anybody. But it always dinged me, because you

01:29:06.229 --> 01:29:09.210
and I have been friends a long time. We have

01:29:09.210 --> 01:29:13.630
an honest friendship. Comics. brutal honesty

01:29:13.630 --> 01:29:16.569
truth and I looked you right in the eyes and

01:29:16.569 --> 01:29:21.229
I was like yeah I went with it I found out slightly

01:29:21.229 --> 01:29:24.229
after that that you had alopecia from other people

01:29:24.229 --> 01:29:26.029
because someone else brought it up and someone

01:29:26.029 --> 01:29:29.229
said oh he's got alopecia and I'm like oh I asked

01:29:29.229 --> 01:29:31.909
him at Cat's Deli and he said he shaved his eyebrows

01:29:31.909 --> 01:29:33.550
off for a while but I just felt like you probably

01:29:33.550 --> 01:29:35.750
embarrassed and I totally understood like it's

01:29:35.750 --> 01:29:39.060
weird right They say a lot of these autoimmune

01:29:39.060 --> 01:29:42.220
issues come from inflammation, and a lot of inflammation

01:29:42.220 --> 01:29:45.939
comes from what you eat. Right. The doctor would

01:29:45.939 --> 01:29:48.420
tell me that wasn't true. Yeah, doctors aren't

01:29:48.420 --> 01:29:50.319
always right. And one of the things they're not

01:29:50.319 --> 01:29:52.300
always right about is nutrition and the impact

01:29:52.300 --> 01:29:54.920
that nutrition has, particularly on autoimmune

01:29:54.920 --> 01:29:58.319
issues. Very few doctors have any knowledge or

01:29:58.319 --> 01:30:01.649
any education in nutrition. And the impact it

01:30:01.649 --> 01:30:04.250
has. I mean, your entire body is built out of

01:30:04.250 --> 01:30:07.609
and reconstructed from what you consume. It's

01:30:07.609 --> 01:30:10.449
the only thing that your body has. Your body

01:30:10.449 --> 01:30:13.149
makes new cells. Your body replenishes cells,

01:30:13.489 --> 01:30:16.149
recreates all the tissue. There's only one way

01:30:16.149 --> 01:30:18.369
to do it. It's got to be what you eat. It's the

01:30:18.369 --> 01:30:20.510
only thing. What you drink, what you eat. That's

01:30:20.510 --> 01:30:22.710
it. And if you're eating a bunch of processed

01:30:22.710 --> 01:30:25.880
stuff that has... A bunch of bullshit and preservatives.

01:30:25.960 --> 01:30:29.960
What causes inflammation? A lot of things. Allergies

01:30:29.960 --> 01:30:32.800
cause inflammation. Processed food causes inflammation.

01:30:33.119 --> 01:30:36.260
Excess sugar causes inflammation. Alcohol. There's

01:30:36.260 --> 01:30:38.039
a lot of things that people eat that cause inflammation.

01:30:38.880 --> 01:30:43.500
But it's really genuinely a thing of a balance

01:30:43.500 --> 01:30:48.500
of your diet and what your body has to work with.

01:30:48.720 --> 01:30:51.720
If your body doesn't have any nutrients to work

01:30:51.720 --> 01:30:55.159
with, no vitamins, no minerals, you're dehydrated,

01:30:55.220 --> 01:30:58.899
you're drinking too much sugar, things start

01:30:58.899 --> 01:31:04.199
malfunctioning and misfiring. There's a bunch

01:31:04.199 --> 01:31:06.859
of different consequences for having a high inflammation

01:31:06.859 --> 01:31:11.140
diet. And for a lot of people, it's sugar. Sugar

01:31:11.140 --> 01:31:13.359
is one of the leading causes of inflammation,

01:31:13.739 --> 01:31:17.000
especially in the standard American diet, because

01:31:17.000 --> 01:31:19.319
the standard American diet is just riddled with

01:31:19.319 --> 01:31:22.720
excess sugar, corn syrup and bullshit and preservatives.

01:31:22.720 --> 01:31:25.819
And your body just after a while just gets tired

01:31:25.819 --> 01:31:29.180
of processing that stuff. And then you start

01:31:29.180 --> 01:31:33.199
encountering a bunch of issues. And I know. There's

01:31:33.199 --> 01:31:35.859
a lot of autoimmune issues that people have had

01:31:35.859 --> 01:31:39.739
success in reversing by completely cutting out

01:31:39.739 --> 01:31:42.380
everything other than whole foods. Just eating

01:31:42.380 --> 01:31:45.880
chicken and meat and vegetables and drinking

01:31:45.880 --> 01:31:48.760
water and that's it. Cutting out all the bullshit.

01:31:49.960 --> 01:31:51.359
Yeah, I got to do better. Have you ever gotten

01:31:51.359 --> 01:31:53.699
blood work done? Well, now I have to do it all

01:31:53.699 --> 01:31:55.539
the time. Do you? Do you ever get blood work

01:31:55.539 --> 01:31:57.979
done from like a comprehensive laboratory that's

01:31:57.979 --> 01:31:59.800
looking at your nutrient levels and all those

01:31:59.800 --> 01:32:01.279
different things? I don't know if I've done that.

01:32:01.439 --> 01:32:02.899
Well, you should do that. There's a place in

01:32:02.899 --> 01:32:06.020
town, Wastewell. I'll send you there. Yeah. Yeah,

01:32:06.100 --> 01:32:08.439
they're really good. I mean, they do. They take

01:32:08.439 --> 01:32:10.479
a shitload of blood, and they do these really

01:32:10.479 --> 01:32:12.460
comprehensive blood panels. They can scan for

01:32:12.460 --> 01:32:13.979
cancer, too, by the way. Yeah, well, that I've

01:32:13.979 --> 01:32:16.180
done. Yeah, that's a big one, you know, because

01:32:16.180 --> 01:32:18.699
they can check for any kind of cancer in your

01:32:18.699 --> 01:32:20.720
body. Well, now that I'm through all that, I'm

01:32:20.720 --> 01:32:24.640
much more open to taking care of myself and staying

01:32:24.640 --> 01:32:28.760
on it. The first time I did that one, I was like,

01:32:28.880 --> 01:32:31.159
cancer's a scary one. And I was like, boy, I

01:32:31.159 --> 01:32:32.680
hope I don't have cancer and don't know about

01:32:32.680 --> 01:32:34.880
it. When it came out, zero. I was like, whew.

01:32:35.319 --> 01:32:38.479
But I do so much to take care of myself. I do

01:32:38.479 --> 01:32:41.840
the sauna every day, cold plunge. I take a ton

01:32:41.840 --> 01:32:45.079
of vitamins. I'm always exercising. I eat probably

01:32:45.079 --> 01:32:48.680
like 99 % clean. Every now and then I'll fuck

01:32:48.680 --> 01:32:50.939
off. Or if my daughter makes cookies, I'll eat

01:32:50.939 --> 01:32:53.680
cookies. But for the most part, I give my body.

01:32:53.680 --> 01:32:55.420
What kind of cookies? She's really good. She

01:32:55.420 --> 01:32:57.420
bakes a bunch of different stuff. Today was white

01:32:57.420 --> 01:32:58.939
chocolate chip cookies. They were really good.

01:32:59.079 --> 01:33:02.119
I had one this morning. But for the most part,

01:33:02.340 --> 01:33:06.920
it's your body. can only use what you put in

01:33:06.920 --> 01:33:09.479
it. There's no other building blocks. It doesn't

01:33:09.479 --> 01:33:12.000
have anything else. There's nothing else it can

01:33:12.000 --> 01:33:13.779
draw from. And that's one of the problems is

01:33:13.779 --> 01:33:15.680
when you don't give your body what it needs,

01:33:15.739 --> 01:33:18.399
it starts taking things out of the tissue. It

01:33:18.399 --> 01:33:20.239
starts taking things, and that's where osteoporosis

01:33:20.239 --> 01:33:21.859
comes from. Your body starts literally taking

01:33:21.859 --> 01:33:25.460
calcium out of your bones. You've got to give

01:33:25.460 --> 01:33:27.800
your body the building blocks. Without that,

01:33:27.979 --> 01:33:30.319
it doesn't know what the fuck to do. And slowly

01:33:30.319 --> 01:33:33.229
but surely, you start to deteriorate. And there's

01:33:33.229 --> 01:33:35.630
a giant difference between giving your body a

01:33:35.630 --> 01:33:40.329
nutrient -dense, healthy diet and not. And taking

01:33:40.329 --> 01:33:42.750
care of yourself and exercising and not. And

01:33:42.750 --> 01:33:45.350
drinking much water and electrolytes and not.

01:33:45.569 --> 01:33:47.689
There's a giant difference. And it's all – your

01:33:47.689 --> 01:33:50.890
body just cannot recreate itself correctly. It

01:33:50.890 --> 01:33:53.130
cannot build itself and repair itself correctly

01:33:53.130 --> 01:33:57.970
unless it gets the proper nutrients. That's where

01:33:57.970 --> 01:34:00.270
a lot of people's issues come from. And doctors

01:34:00.270 --> 01:34:03.069
don't tell you that. I had a family member that

01:34:03.069 --> 01:34:05.989
got real sick and the doctor said they got cancer

01:34:05.989 --> 01:34:07.609
and the doctor said it doesn't matter what you

01:34:07.609 --> 01:34:10.210
eat. I go, well, fuck that doctor. That's not

01:34:10.210 --> 01:34:12.329
true. This doctor's telling you you could eat

01:34:12.329 --> 01:34:14.430
cake and just take chemo and you'll be fine.

01:34:14.550 --> 01:34:17.010
That's horseshit. That's not true. That's not

01:34:17.010 --> 01:34:18.869
true because one of the things they should tell

01:34:18.869 --> 01:34:21.529
you immediately is get on a ketogenic diet because

01:34:21.529 --> 01:34:23.949
one of the things that has been proven is that

01:34:23.949 --> 01:34:27.470
cancer uses glucose to survive. And, you know,

01:34:27.529 --> 01:34:31.029
autophagy, which comes from fasting, is one of

01:34:31.029 --> 01:34:33.890
the best ways that people can get rid of errant

01:34:33.890 --> 01:34:36.630
cells and cells that are, you know, misfiring.

01:34:37.289 --> 01:34:40.750
Make your body burn off fat. Use ketones for

01:34:40.750 --> 01:34:43.970
energy and just get rid of all the dead cells.

01:34:44.149 --> 01:34:45.869
Get rid of all the shit that your body doesn't

01:34:45.869 --> 01:34:48.970
need. And if you want to do that, do intermittent

01:34:48.970 --> 01:34:52.479
fasting, you know, where you. Only have a period

01:34:52.479 --> 01:34:55.079
of time where you eat. Like give yourself like

01:34:55.079 --> 01:34:58.800
a 16 -hour window with no food and then start

01:34:58.800 --> 01:35:02.520
eating after that. How do you keep your – how

01:35:02.520 --> 01:35:04.939
do you not be cranky and lose your mind doing

01:35:04.939 --> 01:35:07.119
that? Because your body is relying on carbohydrates.

01:35:08.000 --> 01:35:10.579
Right. So when your body is not relying on carbohydrates,

01:35:10.720 --> 01:35:12.880
your body's burning off ketones. You don't have

01:35:12.880 --> 01:35:14.760
that problem. You don't have that crashing problem.

01:35:15.039 --> 01:35:17.420
The crashing problem is from a high carbohydrate

01:35:17.420 --> 01:35:19.739
diet. And I've had that before. Look, I'm Italian.

01:35:20.000 --> 01:35:23.560
So it's carbohydrates was my thing. You know,

01:35:23.579 --> 01:35:26.479
it's all about pasta, pizza. I love that stuff.

01:35:26.699 --> 01:35:29.239
I just love it. And that's my cheat food. If

01:35:29.239 --> 01:35:30.699
I'm going to cheat, I'm going to eat Italian

01:35:30.699 --> 01:35:34.550
subs and that kind of shit. When your body gets

01:35:34.550 --> 01:35:36.109
accustomed to that, first of all, you get a big

01:35:36.109 --> 01:35:38.310
insulin spike. You crash. You get exhausted.

01:35:39.229 --> 01:35:41.710
The way to avoid that is to get your body to

01:35:41.710 --> 01:35:45.369
start using fats. And the way your body uses

01:35:45.369 --> 01:35:47.170
fats is that's what you give it for fuel, and

01:35:47.170 --> 01:35:50.510
your body adjusts. And then your body does something

01:35:50.510 --> 01:35:53.390
called gluconeogenesis where it starts using

01:35:53.390 --> 01:35:56.069
meat and protein and turning that into glucose.

01:35:56.390 --> 01:35:59.170
And when you go through this process, it's a

01:35:59.170 --> 01:36:01.670
shaky process at first. Like you get what they

01:36:01.670 --> 01:36:05.149
call the keto flu originally, initially rather,

01:36:05.289 --> 01:36:07.289
where you get tired all the time. You're like,

01:36:07.350 --> 01:36:09.289
oh, this is exhausting. And your workouts suffer.

01:36:09.510 --> 01:36:11.909
It's like you have no energy. But eventually

01:36:11.909 --> 01:36:15.109
your body adapts and your body just gets accustomed

01:36:15.109 --> 01:36:18.470
to using fats. And when your body gets fat adapted,

01:36:18.870 --> 01:36:21.310
First of all, your brain works better. You get

01:36:21.310 --> 01:36:24.149
an extra gear in terms of your ability to think

01:36:24.149 --> 01:36:27.010
and communicate. It just feels like you have

01:36:27.010 --> 01:36:29.130
more energy. You don't need naps. And you don't

01:36:29.130 --> 01:36:32.770
crash after you eat. That's why when you're saying

01:36:32.770 --> 01:36:34.569
you shouldn't eat red meat, I eat mostly red

01:36:34.569 --> 01:36:36.909
meat. That's like most of my diet. That's like

01:36:36.909 --> 01:36:39.630
80 % of my diet is meat. I mean, it's an addiction

01:36:39.630 --> 01:36:41.890
for me. I don't think it's an addiction. I think

01:36:41.890 --> 01:36:45.770
it's the most nutrient -dense food in the world.

01:36:45.850 --> 01:36:48.399
The problem is... processed red meat, right?

01:36:48.520 --> 01:36:50.520
So if you're eating a bunch of processed shit

01:36:50.520 --> 01:36:52.300
that has a bunch of preservatives in it, yeah,

01:36:52.359 --> 01:36:54.300
that's not good for you. But like a ribeye steak,

01:36:54.520 --> 01:36:57.060
a grilled ribeye steak, there is nothing wrong

01:36:57.060 --> 01:36:58.579
with that. It's one of the most healthy foods

01:36:58.579 --> 01:37:01.239
you can eat. And it has everything you need.

01:37:01.279 --> 01:37:03.800
It has plenty of vitamins. It has fat. It has

01:37:03.800 --> 01:37:06.600
all the things that your body naturally knows

01:37:06.600 --> 01:37:09.180
how to process. And people have been eating that

01:37:09.180 --> 01:37:14.810
food from the beginning of time. Yeah, you just

01:37:14.810 --> 01:37:16.670
got to get educated in it. And it's like most

01:37:16.670 --> 01:37:19.229
people, especially particularly most doctors.

01:37:19.590 --> 01:37:22.149
I've had conversations with doctors where they've

01:37:22.149 --> 01:37:24.210
said, you get everything you need from a balanced

01:37:24.210 --> 01:37:26.810
diet. And I'm like, fuck you. You don't know

01:37:26.810 --> 01:37:29.069
anything. Like how much time did you spend in

01:37:29.069 --> 01:37:32.090
medical school learning nutrition? Was it even

01:37:32.090 --> 01:37:36.109
an hour? Was it a day? Like it takes a long time.

01:37:36.289 --> 01:37:38.409
And there's real researchers who have spent.

01:37:38.670 --> 01:37:42.470
decades understanding the balance of nutrient

01:37:42.470 --> 01:37:45.430
-dense foods and vitamin supplementation and

01:37:45.430 --> 01:37:48.529
what vitamin supplementation can cure and fix

01:37:48.529 --> 01:37:51.149
and what it's good for and how to balance it

01:37:51.149 --> 01:37:53.229
out and what vitamins work synergistically with

01:37:53.229 --> 01:37:55.270
other vitamins. Like if you're taking vitamin

01:37:55.270 --> 01:37:57.630
D3, which is fantastic for your immune system,

01:37:57.710 --> 01:37:59.590
you have to take it with K2. You should take

01:37:59.590 --> 01:38:02.489
it with magnesium as well. You got to know these

01:38:02.489 --> 01:38:06.069
things. And most doctors, they talk out of a

01:38:06.069 --> 01:38:09.250
voice. authority about something they're not

01:38:09.250 --> 01:38:11.930
educated in. They're educated in getting people

01:38:11.930 --> 01:38:14.010
in and out of their office as quick as possible

01:38:14.010 --> 01:38:16.310
and getting that insurance money. And that's

01:38:16.310 --> 01:38:18.689
what they do. And most of them, they talk like

01:38:18.689 --> 01:38:20.369
they're authorities. Meanwhile, they have a gut.

01:38:20.550 --> 01:38:22.029
You're sitting there looking at this guy who

01:38:22.029 --> 01:38:23.710
looks like shit and he's telling you about health.

01:38:23.829 --> 01:38:26.130
Like, bro, you're not healthy. Don't talk to

01:38:26.130 --> 01:38:28.970
me about health. This is angry. It makes me angry.

01:38:29.109 --> 01:38:32.510
It really does. I get it. It's infuriating because

01:38:32.510 --> 01:38:34.289
it's like these people, you count on them as

01:38:34.289 --> 01:38:36.420
authorities and really they're just... They're

01:38:36.420 --> 01:38:38.460
just paying off their student debt. They're paying

01:38:38.460 --> 01:38:41.939
off their fucking loans. They have insane malpractice

01:38:41.939 --> 01:38:44.300
insurance they have to cover. They have a giant

01:38:44.300 --> 01:38:46.180
monthly nut, and they're trying to push pharmaceutical

01:38:46.180 --> 01:38:48.439
drugs on you as much as they can because they

01:38:48.439 --> 01:38:50.300
get compensated for that. And that's what they

01:38:50.300 --> 01:38:52.159
do. And this is the standard American health

01:38:52.159 --> 01:38:54.840
system. It's a real problem. It's a real problem,

01:38:54.920 --> 01:38:57.210
and it leaves us sicker. You know, this is the

01:38:57.210 --> 01:39:00.529
thing that RFK Jr. is trying to balance. We spend

01:39:00.529 --> 01:39:02.909
more money on health care than anyone in the

01:39:02.909 --> 01:39:05.250
world. We make more money than anyone in the

01:39:05.250 --> 01:39:07.470
world. And we're sicker than anyone in the world.

01:39:07.750 --> 01:39:09.670
We spend more money than we ever have on health

01:39:09.670 --> 01:39:12.630
care. We're sicker than we've ever been. We're

01:39:12.630 --> 01:39:15.289
living the life. We're eating well. It's not

01:39:15.289 --> 01:39:18.090
it. We're eating shit. You know, if we're just

01:39:18.090 --> 01:39:20.350
eating healthy, the people that are just eating

01:39:20.350 --> 01:39:24.289
healthy have... Way less problems. Way less health

01:39:24.289 --> 01:39:27.010
consequences. Way less issues. Way more energy.

01:39:27.489 --> 01:39:30.050
Way more mental acuity. All those things. Because

01:39:30.050 --> 01:39:32.350
that's how your body is supposed to live. For

01:39:32.350 --> 01:39:34.750
thousands and thousands of years, what did we

01:39:34.750 --> 01:39:37.729
do? We ate fruit. We ate vegetables. We ate meat

01:39:37.729 --> 01:39:40.369
and chicken and fish and eggs. And that's what

01:39:40.369 --> 01:39:42.890
you're supposed to eat. That's real food. Most

01:39:42.890 --> 01:39:45.050
of these things that sit on a shelf, you're not

01:39:45.050 --> 01:39:47.189
supposed to eat those. Just like your dog. Like

01:39:47.189 --> 01:39:48.850
your dog is not supposed to be eating kibble.

01:39:49.149 --> 01:39:51.869
You know? Feed your dog raw food, your dog's

01:39:51.869 --> 01:39:53.909
going to go bonkers. Feed your dog human -grade

01:39:53.909 --> 01:39:56.510
food, like farmer's dog, your dog will go crazy.

01:39:57.090 --> 01:40:00.170
Watch how she eats it. Watch the difference in

01:40:00.170 --> 01:40:02.270
the weight. I'll try it. My dog can't wait. He's

01:40:02.270 --> 01:40:06.189
dripping. Water's dripping off of his mouth before

01:40:06.189 --> 01:40:07.810
I feed him. He's, like, sitting there waiting.

01:40:07.890 --> 01:40:10.090
I'm like, stay. And I'm putting in the ball.

01:40:10.210 --> 01:40:15.149
I'm like, okay. He, like, attacks it. Like, Jamie,

01:40:15.250 --> 01:40:17.899
you were saying that about your dog, right? Carl,

01:40:18.020 --> 01:40:19.800
when he was eating kibble, he wasn't even interested.

01:40:20.220 --> 01:40:23.520
Yeah. I mean, I never had a chance to even give

01:40:23.520 --> 01:40:26.560
it to him. He never ate it. He would just sit

01:40:26.560 --> 01:40:30.460
there. I'm like, well, how do you? Who's been

01:40:30.460 --> 01:40:33.439
feeding you? How did they get in your body? I

01:40:33.439 --> 01:40:37.220
always give my dog, when I give her turkey, sometimes

01:40:37.220 --> 01:40:39.579
if I have turkey or chicken around, I'll put

01:40:39.579 --> 01:40:42.239
it in her. bowl i always give her you know like

01:40:42.239 --> 01:40:44.079
a cat's deli when you order the sandwich they

01:40:44.079 --> 01:40:46.899
give you a little piece before yeah i always

01:40:46.899 --> 01:40:48.960
get her a little piece to get her salivating

01:40:48.960 --> 01:40:51.960
and she snaps it right yeah yeah because it's

01:40:51.960 --> 01:40:54.020
real food right that's what people are supposed

01:40:54.020 --> 01:40:56.039
to be eating too man we're supposed to be eating

01:40:56.039 --> 01:41:00.039
real food you know we got tricked because things

01:41:00.039 --> 01:41:01.720
have to stay in the supermarket you gotta you

01:41:01.720 --> 01:41:03.399
gotta be able to sit it on the shelf and it's

01:41:03.399 --> 01:41:04.659
gonna be able to stay there for a few months

01:41:04.659 --> 01:41:07.260
that's how you make your profit That's why milk

01:41:07.260 --> 01:41:09.420
is homogenized and pasteurized. They'll try to

01:41:09.420 --> 01:41:11.859
scare you off raw milk. Bitch, I drink raw milk

01:41:11.859 --> 01:41:14.119
every week. There's nothing wrong with raw milk.

01:41:14.260 --> 01:41:16.439
You just can't get it from a shitty farm. Just

01:41:16.439 --> 01:41:18.819
like you can't get meat that's rotten. Just like

01:41:18.819 --> 01:41:21.060
you can't get sushi that's rotten. I eat ice

01:41:21.060 --> 01:41:23.579
cream every day. How bad is that for me? Ice

01:41:23.579 --> 01:41:27.520
cream is actually not that bad. Ice cream, when

01:41:27.520 --> 01:41:30.779
you think about... bad things to eat, ice cream

01:41:30.779 --> 01:41:34.659
is probably one of the best desserts to eat because

01:41:34.659 --> 01:41:38.699
ice cream has fats from the cream. It has protein

01:41:38.699 --> 01:41:42.680
from the milk and it does have sugar. So you

01:41:42.680 --> 01:41:44.640
got a little bit of sugar, but you're absorbing

01:41:44.640 --> 01:41:47.939
that sugar along with all the fat and all the

01:41:47.939 --> 01:41:51.399
cream. And it probably is way better for you.

01:41:51.420 --> 01:41:54.119
It's way better for you than sugar, like drinking

01:41:54.119 --> 01:41:59.310
like a soda. Like a soda is the most alien form

01:41:59.310 --> 01:42:02.850
of sugar your body absorbs. Your body doesn't

01:42:02.850 --> 01:42:05.689
know what the fuck this is because sugar in nature

01:42:05.689 --> 01:42:08.489
comes from like an orange. It has all this fiber,

01:42:08.609 --> 01:42:12.369
you know, and you're eating it and it's a slow

01:42:12.369 --> 01:42:14.689
digestive process. That's why you don't get this

01:42:14.689 --> 01:42:17.890
crazy spike. But orange juice is fucking nuts.

01:42:18.149 --> 01:42:20.829
Like you take all the fiber out and now you just

01:42:20.829 --> 01:42:23.449
have just pure sugar water and you think you're

01:42:23.449 --> 01:42:26.189
being healthy. You're not. Okay, look, you get

01:42:26.189 --> 01:42:28.729
a little bit of vitamins from the vitamin C that's

01:42:28.729 --> 01:42:30.489
from the oranges. Yeah. But you're not supposed

01:42:30.489 --> 01:42:32.409
to eat it that way. You're supposed to eat an

01:42:32.409 --> 01:42:35.510
orange. Right. Like apple juice. Right. Like

01:42:35.510 --> 01:42:37.189
my daughters are like very conscious of like

01:42:37.189 --> 01:42:40.630
food and like what's in it. And we went to the

01:42:40.630 --> 01:42:42.250
supermarket and she was going to get an apple

01:42:42.250 --> 01:42:45.869
juice. She's like, this has 30 grams of sugar.

01:42:46.029 --> 01:42:48.470
This little thing had 30 grams of sugar. Like

01:42:48.470 --> 01:42:51.369
that's crazy. That's just, you might as well

01:42:51.369 --> 01:42:53.510
have a Coca -Cola. Right. It's kind of the same

01:42:53.510 --> 01:42:58.029
thing. Yeah. Your body, like, I think there was

01:42:58.029 --> 01:43:00.970
some paper that was written recently about ice

01:43:00.970 --> 01:43:03.949
cream actually being good for you. And by far

01:43:03.949 --> 01:43:08.109
the best of desserts that you can eat. Because

01:43:08.109 --> 01:43:11.949
it's milk and cream, you know? It's like there's

01:43:11.949 --> 01:43:15.069
actual food in ice cream. I crave it every night.

01:43:15.439 --> 01:43:17.060
Ice cream, not that bad. Look at this. Can ice

01:43:17.060 --> 01:43:19.000
cream be healthy? What recent studies actually

01:43:19.000 --> 01:43:21.279
show. Recent research has sparked debate about

01:43:21.279 --> 01:43:23.819
ice cream's place in a balanced diet. By examining

01:43:23.819 --> 01:43:26.500
long -term health studies, scientists are exploring

01:43:26.500 --> 01:43:29.239
whether moderate consumption may have unexpected

01:43:29.239 --> 01:43:33.420
links to certain health outcomes. So ice cream

01:43:33.420 --> 01:43:35.220
has long been regarded as classic indulgence

01:43:35.220 --> 01:43:38.699
rather than a healthy food. The discussion largely

01:43:38.699 --> 01:43:41.960
emerged. However, in recent times, some surprising

01:43:41.960 --> 01:43:44.020
research has sparked a debate among nutrition

01:43:44.020 --> 01:43:46.659
scientists by saying that consumption of ice

01:43:46.659 --> 01:43:48.600
cream may be related to certain unpredictable

01:43:48.600 --> 01:43:51.340
health outcomes. The discussion largely emerged

01:43:51.340 --> 01:43:53.340
from data analyzed in long -running research

01:43:53.340 --> 01:43:56.039
projects such as Nurses' Health Study and Health

01:43:56.039 --> 01:43:58.920
Professional Follow -Up Study. Two major epidemiological

01:43:58.920 --> 01:44:01.520
studies that track diet and health outcomes over

01:44:01.520 --> 01:44:04.560
decades. Research examined dietary patterns among

01:44:04.560 --> 01:44:06.960
participants with type 2 diabetes. Notice unusual

01:44:06.960 --> 01:44:09.960
pattern related to ice cream consumption. Discussion

01:44:09.960 --> 01:44:15.659
earned. Okay, what is the discussion? Consuming

01:44:15.659 --> 01:44:18.140
ice cream more regularly sometimes appear to

01:44:18.140 --> 01:44:20.060
have lower risks of certain health conditions,

01:44:20.340 --> 01:44:23.020
especially cardiovascular disease amongst individuals

01:44:23.020 --> 01:44:28.159
of type 2 diabetes. The problem is with epidemiological

01:44:28.159 --> 01:44:30.359
studies, you're just basically filling out a

01:44:30.359 --> 01:44:32.920
form as to what you ate, and they track that

01:44:32.920 --> 01:44:35.260
with large study groups of people, and they try

01:44:35.260 --> 01:44:37.119
to figure out, okay, that's one of the ways they

01:44:37.119 --> 01:44:39.840
find out, oh, the people that eat red meat more

01:44:39.840 --> 01:44:42.680
are sicker. But that's also like, what are you

01:44:42.680 --> 01:44:45.460
eating? You eating burgers that you call red

01:44:45.460 --> 01:44:48.460
meat with sugar, with a Coca -Cola, and some

01:44:48.460 --> 01:44:50.699
fries? Because that's what a lot of people are

01:44:50.699 --> 01:44:53.960
eating. So it's not like grass fed steak with

01:44:53.960 --> 01:44:57.689
a salad. You know, that's not the problem. Remember

01:44:57.689 --> 01:44:59.970
Craig who came in here? Craig from Craig's. He

01:44:59.970 --> 01:45:02.390
told me to say hi. I love Craig. He said steak,

01:45:02.449 --> 01:45:04.409
and I thought about steak. Oh, he makes a great

01:45:04.409 --> 01:45:06.569
steak. That was my joke when I got colon cancer.

01:45:06.609 --> 01:45:08.010
I told Craig, you're going to go out of business

01:45:08.010 --> 01:45:11.130
if I'm not eating your steak. I don't think you

01:45:11.130 --> 01:45:13.350
have to stop eating steak. I mean, I'm no doctor,

01:45:13.470 --> 01:45:16.130
but I don't think steak's the problem. I think

01:45:16.130 --> 01:45:18.270
all the other shit's the problem. I think it's

01:45:18.270 --> 01:45:20.909
preservatives and bullshit and processed food.

01:45:20.989 --> 01:45:23.550
It's just not good for you, man. None of it's

01:45:23.550 --> 01:45:26.380
good for you. If he could sit on a shelf. Like

01:45:26.380 --> 01:45:28.020
that has all these preservatives. That stuff

01:45:28.020 --> 01:45:30.779
wrecks havoc on your gut bacteria. When you're

01:45:30.779 --> 01:45:33.479
consuming things that are filled with preservatives,

01:45:33.539 --> 01:45:36.739
those preservatives are essentially killing life.

01:45:37.279 --> 01:45:40.020
That's what they do. That's how it keeps bacteria

01:45:40.020 --> 01:45:43.199
and mold from growing on the food. It's a life

01:45:43.199 --> 01:45:46.680
killer. And then you eat it, go, oh, yum, yum,

01:45:46.699 --> 01:45:49.579
yum. Oh, it's preserved so I can eat it. I mean,

01:45:49.640 --> 01:45:53.500
your healthy gut bacteria just gets fucking nuked.

01:45:55.500 --> 01:45:57.319
Yeah, I don't think it's meat is the problem.

01:45:59.579 --> 01:46:05.899
You know, I was on a USO Christmas tour and I

01:46:05.899 --> 01:46:11.100
ate worse on that than I would. And I go, how

01:46:11.100 --> 01:46:15.750
are the. Yeah. That's something they should fix.

01:46:15.869 --> 01:46:17.430
That is something. They're trying to fix that.

01:46:17.569 --> 01:46:19.810
RFK Jr. is trying to fix that. It's like eating

01:46:19.810 --> 01:46:23.130
ice cream and shakes and burgers and pizza at

01:46:23.130 --> 01:46:25.390
every base. Yeah, it's a lot of processed food.

01:46:25.789 --> 01:46:27.510
Yeah, it's terrible food for those soldiers.

01:46:27.689 --> 01:46:29.409
It's terrible. And then you're asking them to

01:46:29.409 --> 01:46:32.869
go to perform in the most fucking scary thing

01:46:32.869 --> 01:46:36.090
on earth, combat. So it made me think, well,

01:46:36.109 --> 01:46:38.750
maybe it's all bullshit. If the military is eating

01:46:38.750 --> 01:46:40.949
the same pizza and pepperoni that I'm eating

01:46:40.949 --> 01:46:44.500
at home, then... No. They should be more. No.

01:46:44.720 --> 01:46:47.039
What's bullshit is the way they treat those people.

01:46:47.159 --> 01:46:49.420
That's what's bullshit. What's bullshit is the

01:46:49.420 --> 01:46:52.500
way they take care of them. That's what's bullshit.

01:46:52.699 --> 01:46:55.039
What's bullshit is the consideration they give

01:46:55.039 --> 01:46:57.199
to the diet of these people. Right. You're asking

01:46:57.199 --> 01:46:58.680
these people to make the ultimate sacrifice.

01:46:58.819 --> 01:46:59.939
That's what I'm saying. You're giving them prison

01:46:59.939 --> 01:47:04.180
food. That's what's bullshit. Right. Yeah. Diet's

01:47:04.180 --> 01:47:06.880
not bullshit. Diet's everything. It is literally

01:47:06.880 --> 01:47:09.659
everything. Like I said, your body has nothing

01:47:09.659 --> 01:47:12.920
else. Nothing else. that it can build itself

01:47:12.920 --> 01:47:16.300
up with other than nutrients. That's all it has.

01:47:17.279 --> 01:47:20.180
You consume it. If you don't, you starve to death,

01:47:20.220 --> 01:47:21.760
right? If you don't eat, you starve to death.

01:47:21.899 --> 01:47:24.520
So in order for your body to take care of itself,

01:47:24.779 --> 01:47:27.920
what are you giving it? It's that simple. You

01:47:27.920 --> 01:47:29.960
drink a lot of water? A lot of water, yeah. You

01:47:29.960 --> 01:47:33.319
still drink a lot of coffee? I drink less. I've

01:47:33.319 --> 01:47:36.939
been drinking coffee later in the day now. I've

01:47:36.939 --> 01:47:39.239
been going through my day and not drinking my

01:47:39.239 --> 01:47:41.600
first cup of coffee until noon now. I've been

01:47:41.600 --> 01:47:45.420
doing that a lot lately. You don't need it in

01:47:45.420 --> 01:47:47.479
the morning to get going? Sometimes I feel like

01:47:47.479 --> 01:47:50.199
I do. I enjoy it. I indulge if I enjoy it. But

01:47:50.199 --> 01:47:52.680
I don't like relying on things. I don't like

01:47:52.680 --> 01:47:55.500
having to do things. I don't ever want to have

01:47:55.500 --> 01:47:58.579
that feeling. So lately I've been like, and I've

01:47:58.579 --> 01:48:00.420
gone days without coffee just to see what that

01:48:00.420 --> 01:48:02.279
feels like. Sometimes I feel a little sluggish.

01:48:02.859 --> 01:48:05.399
But there's ways you can avoid that too. Like

01:48:05.399 --> 01:48:08.060
I'll take nootropics, which is a brain nutrients,

01:48:08.500 --> 01:48:13.000
you know, theanine. Acetylcholine and a bunch

01:48:13.000 --> 01:48:14.859
of different things. Like there's alpha brain.

01:48:15.020 --> 01:48:17.520
That stuff pumps my brain up and fires it up.

01:48:18.319 --> 01:48:20.460
It's just you get addicted to caffeine. Caffeine

01:48:20.460 --> 01:48:23.779
is very, very addictive. And I feel like if I

01:48:23.779 --> 01:48:25.699
can get my day going without it, it's probably

01:48:25.699 --> 01:48:28.760
better. Yeah. I drink a lot less, but I see what

01:48:28.760 --> 01:48:30.979
you're saying. I love it, though. Oh, it's great.

01:48:31.119 --> 01:48:34.159
I love a cup of coffee. I love it. I love it.

01:48:34.420 --> 01:48:38.279
I landed yesterday, Austin Airport. Like I needed

01:48:38.279 --> 01:48:40.800
a coffee so bad I'd been out. I'm partying the

01:48:40.800 --> 01:48:43.079
night before, early flight. I land, and you just

01:48:43.079 --> 01:48:45.380
want a cup of coffee before you even start seeing

01:48:45.380 --> 01:48:47.619
your texts because you don't want a deal. And

01:48:47.619 --> 01:48:49.960
it's like the first place I go to, it's like

01:48:49.960 --> 01:48:53.460
there's a long line. I finally get there, and

01:48:53.460 --> 01:48:55.560
it's like it's a kiosk. And I'm like, I can't

01:48:55.560 --> 01:48:58.479
kiosk. I need to just tell someone to put coffee

01:48:58.479 --> 01:49:00.539
in a cup and hand it to me. And I go to another

01:49:00.539 --> 01:49:03.640
place, and it's like they charge me, and then

01:49:03.640 --> 01:49:05.939
they hand me a cup and go fill it. And I walk

01:49:05.939 --> 01:49:09.600
away. I just can't. I get so freaking cranky,

01:49:09.600 --> 01:49:12.039
and I go to the third place finally, and it's

01:49:12.039 --> 01:49:15.000
just like they give you a cup of coffee. The

01:49:15.000 --> 01:49:20.100
kiosk and the no employees, it all makes me so

01:49:20.100 --> 01:49:22.340
mad. I want to talk to somebody. Oh, okay. I

01:49:22.340 --> 01:49:25.279
don't like filling out a computer when I want

01:49:25.279 --> 01:49:28.260
something. I rarely go to coffee places because

01:49:28.260 --> 01:49:31.840
I drink black coffee, and black coffee at Starbucks

01:49:31.840 --> 01:49:35.140
tastes like dog shit. Right. It's all burnt and

01:49:35.140 --> 01:49:37.750
tastes terrible. It's just not good. I could

01:49:37.750 --> 01:49:40.069
drink any coffee. You could take old coffee,

01:49:40.130 --> 01:49:41.810
put it in the microwave, and it's the same to

01:49:41.810 --> 01:49:44.210
me as... Really? Yeah, an espresso that you're

01:49:44.210 --> 01:49:47.890
making it. Oh, I like this. See, this is French

01:49:47.890 --> 01:49:50.930
press. Black rifle coffee. You want some? Yeah.

01:49:51.029 --> 01:49:54.850
Get in there, dog. That's good coffee. That's

01:49:54.850 --> 01:50:00.369
real coffee, son. Thank you. That's coffee. Cheers.

01:50:00.449 --> 01:50:05.180
Taste that. Cheers. Here's another problem. That's

01:50:05.180 --> 01:50:07.899
good. That's not bad, right? If you get coffee

01:50:07.899 --> 01:50:09.520
from Starbucks, you're getting it in a paper

01:50:09.520 --> 01:50:11.760
cup. And if you get it in a paper cup, it's not

01:50:11.760 --> 01:50:14.079
paper you're drinking out of. It's plastic because

01:50:14.079 --> 01:50:16.920
the inner lining of those paper cups is basically

01:50:16.920 --> 01:50:19.319
like a condom. Right. Ever seen when they break

01:50:19.319 --> 01:50:23.680
it down? Yeah. Well, if you add hot liquid to

01:50:23.680 --> 01:50:27.300
plastic, that plastic leaches chemicals into

01:50:27.300 --> 01:50:29.500
your body that are not good for you. They're

01:50:29.500 --> 01:50:32.539
called forever chemicals. It's terrible for you.

01:50:33.199 --> 01:50:36.000
So every time you drink a hot liquid that's in

01:50:36.000 --> 01:50:39.000
a paper cup, you're sucking on plastic residue.

01:50:40.319 --> 01:50:43.279
That's gross. We're gross. There's a lot of things

01:50:43.279 --> 01:50:45.859
that are gross about the American lifestyle.

01:50:46.779 --> 01:50:49.960
I mean, if you get coffee from Starbucks or something

01:50:49.960 --> 01:50:52.020
like that, ideally you should bring your own

01:50:52.020 --> 01:50:56.439
cup. Bring a mug. Bring one of those little Yetis.

01:50:57.039 --> 01:50:59.800
So it's like pouring right into stainless steel.

01:51:00.250 --> 01:51:02.449
That's how you're supposed to drink it. But who

01:51:02.449 --> 01:51:04.350
does that? Who brings a little stainless steel?

01:51:04.430 --> 01:51:07.210
Not me. Yeti with them everywhere. Not me. Nobody.

01:51:07.210 --> 01:51:10.149
But if you did that, you'd get a lot less of

01:51:10.149 --> 01:51:13.390
these fucking microplastics in your gut. It'll

01:51:13.390 --> 01:51:15.550
also wreak havoc on your body, destroy your immune

01:51:15.550 --> 01:51:18.750
system, destroy your endocrine system. They're

01:51:18.750 --> 01:51:21.310
endocrine disruptors, so it stops your body from

01:51:21.310 --> 01:51:23.850
producing hormones naturally, which also can

01:51:23.850 --> 01:51:27.729
lead to a host of different diseases. Makes me

01:51:27.729 --> 01:51:29.689
think maybe Charlie Sheen was right after all.

01:51:30.149 --> 01:51:32.229
Crack. Smoking crack while getting a blowjob.

01:51:32.949 --> 01:51:34.630
That's how to do it. You don't think he was worried

01:51:34.630 --> 01:51:37.130
about the plastics in the pipe? Well, there's

01:51:37.130 --> 01:51:38.649
certain dudes that are built different. I mean,

01:51:38.649 --> 01:51:41.550
a lot of people that did what Charlie did would

01:51:41.550 --> 01:51:43.670
have already been dead a long time ago. He's

01:51:43.670 --> 01:51:50.109
resilient. I do hope somebody puts him in a big

01:51:50.109 --> 01:51:52.829
movie. I like your idea. I like a good comeback

01:51:52.829 --> 01:51:58.820
story. Maybe he's due for another roast. It'll

01:51:58.820 --> 01:52:01.420
be hard now. He's all clean, sober. It's like,

01:52:01.479 --> 01:52:03.479
what did you do 20 years ago? It's like, yeah.

01:52:04.060 --> 01:52:08.300
But now he's kind of doing all right. He looks

01:52:08.300 --> 01:52:10.180
good. He looks healthy. He looked a lot better

01:52:10.180 --> 01:52:12.579
than I thought he was going to look. It doesn't

01:52:12.579 --> 01:52:14.680
look like a guy who's went through 25 years of

01:52:14.680 --> 01:52:19.520
crack. And he was sick? Mm -hmm. And what did

01:52:19.520 --> 01:52:23.899
he have? HIV. Oh, yeah. HIV is weird. That's

01:52:23.899 --> 01:52:26.869
a weird one. Because with the medication they

01:52:26.869 --> 01:52:30.510
have now, you don't really, you're not even testing

01:52:30.510 --> 01:52:33.170
positive. But they just tell you you have it

01:52:33.170 --> 01:52:35.869
no matter what. It's dormant, which doesn't totally

01:52:35.869 --> 01:52:38.569
make sense. There was a guy named Peter Duesberg

01:52:38.569 --> 01:52:41.609
that I had on my show a long time ago. And he

01:52:41.609 --> 01:52:44.109
was a professor out of the University of California,

01:52:44.289 --> 01:52:49.420
Berkeley. And just brilliant. Brilliant guy.

01:52:49.899 --> 01:52:52.380
Groundbreaking work on cancer. But he had a very

01:52:52.380 --> 01:52:55.880
controversial take on HIV. And his take was he

01:52:55.880 --> 01:52:58.100
didn't believe that HIV is what caused AIDS.

01:52:58.340 --> 01:53:01.380
He said the fact that you have HIV is because

01:53:01.380 --> 01:53:03.460
your immune system is so severely compromised

01:53:03.460 --> 01:53:06.720
that HIV shows up. That was his take on it. And

01:53:06.720 --> 01:53:09.579
he was ostracized. You got to realize like during

01:53:09.579 --> 01:53:12.979
the AIDS crisis. Do you know who was the guy

01:53:12.979 --> 01:53:15.300
that was in charge of the medical establishment

01:53:15.300 --> 01:53:18.340
in this country? Anthony motherfucking Fauci.

01:53:18.840 --> 01:53:22.560
Same guy. And that guy had everybody convinced

01:53:22.560 --> 01:53:24.060
that we're all going to get AIDS, that we're

01:53:24.060 --> 01:53:25.920
all going to die, and y 'all have to take this

01:53:25.920 --> 01:53:28.000
medication. And one of the medications they gave

01:53:28.000 --> 01:53:32.350
people was AZT. The problem with AZT was... ACT

01:53:32.350 --> 01:53:35.149
was a chemotherapy medication, and it was killing

01:53:35.149 --> 01:53:36.890
people quicker than cancer was, so they stopped

01:53:36.890 --> 01:53:39.390
using it. They repurposed it when AIDS came along,

01:53:39.510 --> 01:53:41.670
and they started giving it to AIDS people because

01:53:41.670 --> 01:53:45.029
they didn't have to go through this whole process

01:53:45.029 --> 01:53:50.189
of, like, getting a drug certified, getting a

01:53:50.189 --> 01:53:52.090
drug to go through the FDA. They already had

01:53:52.090 --> 01:53:54.310
a drug. So they said, well, this drug, this will

01:53:54.310 --> 01:53:56.909
be the drug we use for AIDS. They fucking killed

01:53:56.909 --> 01:53:59.319
everybody they put on it. Killed tons and tons

01:53:59.319 --> 01:54:01.359
of people. When they stopped using AZT, people

01:54:01.359 --> 01:54:04.039
stopped dying. You know, that's what Dallas Buyers

01:54:04.039 --> 01:54:06.319
Club was all about. It was all about them trying

01:54:06.319 --> 01:54:08.359
that movie with Matthew McConaughey. It was all

01:54:08.359 --> 01:54:10.399
about them trying to find alternative cures,

01:54:10.460 --> 01:54:13.760
alternative medications and being able to access

01:54:13.760 --> 01:54:16.520
alternative medications. He wanted everybody

01:54:16.520 --> 01:54:19.859
to use AZT. And he was like, AZT, the reason

01:54:19.859 --> 01:54:22.359
why they use it, it's the only drug that is both

01:54:22.359 --> 01:54:25.260
safe and effective. It's literally what he said

01:54:25.260 --> 01:54:30.279
back then. In the fucking 80s. And that's the

01:54:30.279 --> 01:54:33.119
same guy that sold us his bag of bullshit with

01:54:33.119 --> 01:54:37.899
the COVID origins and whether or not it was gain

01:54:37.899 --> 01:54:40.279
-of -function research that caused it. He's just

01:54:40.279 --> 01:54:44.739
a creepy fucking guy. We never really got answers

01:54:44.739 --> 01:54:47.600
on any of this. We will. It'll take time, but

01:54:47.600 --> 01:54:49.880
we will, and he'll probably be gone by the time

01:54:49.880 --> 01:54:53.119
it's publicly understood. But if you read RFK

01:54:53.119 --> 01:54:55.399
Jr.'s book, The Real Anthony Fauci, it'll open

01:54:55.399 --> 01:54:57.859
your mind. It'll open your eyes. He talks about

01:54:57.859 --> 01:55:01.539
how they were testing out in the 1980s. They

01:55:01.539 --> 01:55:05.239
were testing out HIV vaccines on foster kids

01:55:05.239 --> 01:55:09.319
in New York and killing them. Jesus. Yeah. They

01:55:09.319 --> 01:55:12.659
tested it on foster kids. Yeah, it's real. If

01:55:12.659 --> 01:55:15.020
it wasn't real, he would have been sued. He hasn't

01:55:15.020 --> 01:55:18.159
been sued for it. Wow. It's a dark book, dude.

01:55:18.859 --> 01:55:20.899
The real Anthony Fauci, I can't recommend it

01:55:20.899 --> 01:55:22.979
enough. It's a fucking terrifying book. But that's

01:55:22.979 --> 01:55:25.859
the same guy that was a part of the whole AIDS

01:55:25.859 --> 01:55:30.640
thing. The movie's going to be weird. Who would

01:55:30.640 --> 01:55:33.479
play Anthony Fauci in a movie? Maybe Martin Short.

01:55:34.560 --> 01:55:36.739
I think it's another Sean Penn tour de force.

01:55:37.619 --> 01:55:40.180
Sean Penn was all about the vaccine. Do you miss

01:55:40.180 --> 01:55:43.100
acting? Not even a little. I was thinking about

01:55:43.100 --> 01:55:46.340
that the other day. You really were in this whole

01:55:46.340 --> 01:55:51.289
other world, Joe. Call times, makeup, lines,

01:55:51.510 --> 01:55:54.710
blocking. Well, I enjoyed working on news radio.

01:55:54.930 --> 01:55:58.449
And it was very, I felt insanely fortunate to

01:55:58.449 --> 01:56:01.010
be able to work with Phil Hartman and Dave Foley

01:56:01.010 --> 01:56:03.470
and all those people on that show. Steven Root,

01:56:03.470 --> 01:56:07.289
Maura Tierney, Vicky Lewis, Andy Dick. It was

01:56:07.289 --> 01:56:09.789
incredible. Candy Alexander. It was an incredible

01:56:09.789 --> 01:56:12.550
cast of people. I mean, I felt super, super lucky.

01:56:12.770 --> 01:56:14.609
But once it was over, I'm like, I don't think

01:56:14.609 --> 01:56:17.289
I'll ever be able to recreate that. Because that

01:56:17.289 --> 01:56:19.689
was like optimal. And I had been on a couple

01:56:19.689 --> 01:56:23.649
other shows as a guest. I didn't like it. And

01:56:23.649 --> 01:56:27.130
I was like, this is not what I like. I only did

01:56:27.130 --> 01:56:30.770
it for money, you know. It's not my thing. And

01:56:30.770 --> 01:56:33.869
it's a long process, dude. Sitcom hours are,

01:56:33.949 --> 01:56:36.149
you know, especially in the beginning days. It

01:56:36.149 --> 01:56:38.930
was like 12, 16 hour days. Who wrote that show?

01:56:39.130 --> 01:56:41.270
Paul Sims and a bunch of other writers. But he

01:56:41.270 --> 01:56:45.689
was from the Larry Sanders show, you know. He

01:56:45.689 --> 01:56:47.850
did Bardwalk Empire after that and a bunch of

01:56:47.850 --> 01:56:51.710
other stuff. Brilliant guy. But that show was

01:56:51.710 --> 01:56:53.850
just like they caught lightning in a bottle.

01:56:54.050 --> 01:56:57.630
I got so lucky to be a part of that show. And

01:56:57.630 --> 01:56:59.949
I'm like, I could never be on a shitty sitcom

01:56:59.949 --> 01:57:04.750
after that. I couldn't be on some fucking sloppy

01:57:04.750 --> 01:57:09.689
canned horse shit show. You went highbrow with

01:57:09.689 --> 01:57:12.229
Fear Factor. Well, I took that because there

01:57:12.229 --> 01:57:15.119
was no actors. First of all, I took Fear Factor

01:57:15.119 --> 01:57:16.220
because I thought it was going to be canceled.

01:57:16.479 --> 01:57:18.199
I thought this was going to give me a lot of

01:57:18.199 --> 01:57:21.779
material. It was like Radford forever. 148 episodes.

01:57:22.720 --> 01:57:24.420
Yeah, it was nuts. Have you seen the new one?

01:57:24.640 --> 01:57:27.279
No, I haven't. But Johnny came on. Johnny Knoxville

01:57:27.279 --> 01:57:28.960
came on to do it. I didn't see the Ludacris one

01:57:28.960 --> 01:57:33.100
either. But how long did Ludacris do it for?

01:57:33.319 --> 01:57:34.920
I don't know. I didn't even know that until now.

01:57:35.060 --> 01:57:37.319
Yeah, Ludacris did it, I think. Was it on MTV,

01:57:37.579 --> 01:57:41.060
Jamie? I think he did it on MTV. MTV did it for

01:57:41.060 --> 01:57:43.390
a little while. I think he did it for. I don't

01:57:43.390 --> 01:57:46.930
know how long. But I love Johnny. Johnny Knoxville.

01:57:46.930 --> 01:57:48.829
He's a great guy. He's the best. A true gentleman.

01:57:49.329 --> 01:57:53.010
Sweetheart of a guy. I love him so much. I hope

01:57:53.010 --> 01:57:55.789
it does well. I hope they don't hurt anybody.

01:57:56.029 --> 01:57:58.529
That's the problem. When Fear Factor came back

01:57:58.529 --> 01:58:02.409
on NBC, when we came back in 2011 and we only

01:58:02.409 --> 01:58:04.449
did six episodes, they were really trying to

01:58:04.449 --> 01:58:05.869
make it bigger and better. I was like, Jesus

01:58:05.869 --> 01:58:07.289
Christ, we're going to fucking kill somebody.

01:58:07.489 --> 01:58:10.609
It felt like it. It felt like when it was canceled,

01:58:10.750 --> 01:58:15.159
I was happy. I was like. Fuck this. You were

01:58:15.159 --> 01:58:16.960
done. Yeah, well, it got canceled because they

01:58:16.960 --> 01:58:20.899
had a drink cum. Do you know that? No. You don't

01:58:20.899 --> 01:58:25.079
know that? What? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they played

01:58:25.079 --> 01:58:28.500
horseshoes to drink donkey cum. Are we still

01:58:28.500 --> 01:58:30.560
talking about Andy Dick at news radio? No, no,

01:58:30.560 --> 01:58:32.939
no. We're talking about Fear Factor now. Andy

01:58:32.939 --> 01:58:38.539
only drank people cum. He's a gentleman. But

01:58:38.539 --> 01:58:40.680
yeah, that happened. That's what got the show

01:58:40.680 --> 01:58:44.000
canceled. But it's because they were just trying

01:58:44.000 --> 01:58:47.220
to make it as outrageous as possible. It's like

01:58:47.220 --> 01:58:48.899
the early, you were right at the beginning of

01:58:48.899 --> 01:58:51.800
that crazy. This is it. Fear factor. Donkey juice.

01:58:52.359 --> 01:58:55.920
This is it. They had to play horseshoes, and

01:58:55.920 --> 01:58:59.060
they drank donkey piss and donkey cum. There

01:58:59.060 --> 01:59:01.199
was three sets of twins, and one twin had to

01:59:01.199 --> 01:59:02.859
drink the cum. Look at that. That's a mug -o

01:59:02.859 --> 01:59:08.819
-cum. Oh, my gosh. It's so foul. Wow. Yeah, so

01:59:08.819 --> 01:59:13.000
TMZ, I think, got a hold of the clip or images

01:59:13.000 --> 01:59:15.439
and said that Fear Factor was doing this, and

01:59:15.439 --> 01:59:17.220
it never aired in the United States, but it aired

01:59:17.220 --> 01:59:20.300
overseas. It aired somewhere in Europe. I want

01:59:20.300 --> 01:59:22.239
to say the Netherlands or Denmark or some shit.

01:59:22.840 --> 01:59:27.289
Wow. Yeah. Now you survived. Good times. Good

01:59:27.289 --> 01:59:29.409
times. Now you're drinking delicious coffee and

01:59:29.409 --> 01:59:31.329
you're palatial. Hanging out with you, Jeff Ross.

01:59:31.390 --> 01:59:33.229
I love it, man. Dude, I've known you since you

01:59:33.229 --> 01:59:35.890
were Jeff Lipschitz. I've known you since your

01:59:35.890 --> 01:59:39.970
best joke, which was never trust a hooker with

01:59:39.970 --> 01:59:45.430
a walkie -talkie. You were like 25, but you were

01:59:45.430 --> 01:59:47.270
like, I've learned a lot of things in my life.

01:59:47.449 --> 01:59:49.989
I never trust a hooker with a walkie -talkie.

01:59:50.010 --> 01:59:53.569
Was that the joke? No, it was I went to college

01:59:53.569 --> 01:59:56.310
for three years. You know what I learned? How

01:59:56.310 --> 02:00:00.130
did it go? Don't trust hookers with walkie -talkies?

02:00:00.229 --> 02:00:03.050
I don't know. You know me since Jeff Lipschultz.

02:00:03.069 --> 02:00:06.770
By the way, I'm still Jeff Lipschultz. My ID,

02:00:06.909 --> 02:00:08.850
my passport. Maybe you shouldn't tell everybody.

02:00:09.289 --> 02:00:11.449
It's all right. We should have hid that. It's

02:00:11.449 --> 02:00:13.789
at this point. When did you change it to Ross?

02:00:13.970 --> 02:00:16.510
What year was that? Oh, I can tell you. What

02:00:16.510 --> 02:00:20.500
happened was. I got booked on Star Search down

02:00:20.500 --> 02:00:23.920
in Florida. Like my first time on TV. You know,

02:00:23.939 --> 02:00:26.159
we were all starting to get like on MTV and Star

02:00:26.159 --> 02:00:28.619
Search. Those shows were coming around. And I

02:00:28.619 --> 02:00:31.579
go down to Orlando where they were shooting it

02:00:31.579 --> 02:00:38.279
back then. And Ed McMahon was the host. And he

02:00:38.279 --> 02:00:41.659
kept introducing me. by fucking up my, Arch,

02:00:41.739 --> 02:00:45.399
this week's challenger, Jeff Lipschitz. And I'd

02:00:45.399 --> 02:00:48.500
walk out, and it would screw me up, you know?

02:00:48.600 --> 02:00:50.739
Then the next, I'd won, and then the next day,

02:00:50.779 --> 02:00:53.319
it's like, this week's challenger, you know,

02:00:53.399 --> 02:00:55.800
life shots. You know, he would just screw it

02:00:55.800 --> 02:01:00.119
up every time. And on the flight home, I was

02:01:00.119 --> 02:01:03.760
like, I either have to, if I really love comedy,

02:01:03.880 --> 02:01:07.439
I was like two years in, I go, let me think about

02:01:07.439 --> 02:01:11.050
this. Ross is my middle name. Jon Stewart was

02:01:11.050 --> 02:01:14.289
Jon Leibovitz, and he had told me he did it for

02:01:14.289 --> 02:01:17.390
the similar reasons. If I asked you to spell

02:01:17.390 --> 02:01:19.710
Lifshultz right now, even you couldn't, and you'd

02:01:19.710 --> 02:01:24.189
know me 35 years. So I was like, all right, either

02:01:24.189 --> 02:01:25.729
I'm going to have to change my name or my whole

02:01:25.729 --> 02:01:27.609
family's going to, I don't know what to do. So

02:01:27.609 --> 02:01:30.930
Ross, it just made sense. It's easy. Yeah. Yeah,

02:01:30.949 --> 02:01:33.550
it's easy. Jeff Ross. What was Ed McMahon like?

02:01:34.910 --> 02:01:37.189
Did you ever hang out with him? I shook his hand,

02:01:37.250 --> 02:01:39.609
and that was the end of it. I didn't get to know

02:01:39.609 --> 02:01:41.909
him very well. I heard he was an animal. I heard

02:01:41.909 --> 02:01:44.510
he drank a lot. Yeah. But then I made some joke

02:01:44.510 --> 02:01:47.069
like that, and people got mad at me online going,

02:01:47.170 --> 02:01:50.409
don't disrespect Ed McMahon. Was he gone by the

02:01:50.409 --> 02:01:52.010
time you made that joke? Yeah, it was recently

02:01:52.010 --> 02:01:55.789
because they rebooted Star Search just now. Fuck

02:01:55.789 --> 02:01:57.949
people online. You can't listen to them. Dude,

02:01:58.130 --> 02:02:00.449
that's another thing Saget taught me, Bob Saget.

02:02:00.449 --> 02:02:04.079
Like, block. The haters. Like, you know, we would

02:02:04.079 --> 02:02:06.640
argue about this because, like, he would block

02:02:06.640 --> 02:02:09.300
people. And I go, well, then they know you saw

02:02:09.300 --> 02:02:12.380
it. Just ignore them. Let them float out to sea.

02:02:12.439 --> 02:02:14.880
He goes, no. He goes, no. I want them to know

02:02:14.880 --> 02:02:17.399
that they're blocked. He goes, and I don't want

02:02:17.399 --> 02:02:20.060
them following me. I don't want to say funny

02:02:20.060 --> 02:02:23.880
things to people who say mean things. He valued

02:02:23.880 --> 02:02:28.539
himself. I say don't read the comments. I say

02:02:28.539 --> 02:02:31.220
don't even pay attention. Let them exist in the

02:02:31.220 --> 02:02:33.819
ether. Well, you're off social right now. Yeah.

02:02:33.899 --> 02:02:36.739
You told me. Yeah, I post things, but I post

02:02:36.739 --> 02:02:39.619
and ghost. That's what I tell people. Post and

02:02:39.619 --> 02:02:41.979
ghost. Just post things. It's like people know

02:02:41.979 --> 02:02:44.600
about stuff or something's interesting. You know,

02:02:44.619 --> 02:02:46.180
someone sends you something interesting. Like,

02:02:46.199 --> 02:02:48.159
oh, people should know about this. Right. That's

02:02:48.159 --> 02:02:50.819
it. Get out. I've gotten better instead of using

02:02:50.819 --> 02:02:55.100
social media. Like, Seth Green is my neighbor.

02:02:55.199 --> 02:02:58.380
Good buddy of mine. the actor, and he started

02:02:58.380 --> 02:03:00.340
doing this during the pandemic. Instead of texting

02:03:00.340 --> 02:03:04.079
or liking people's stuff, he FaceTimes. It takes

02:03:04.079 --> 02:03:06.739
longer, but he's like, it's a real connection.

02:03:07.000 --> 02:03:09.899
Oh, okay. So he'll FaceTime me, you know, and

02:03:09.899 --> 02:03:12.119
talk to me, just even if it's for a minute. What

02:03:12.119 --> 02:03:14.159
if you have an Android phone? Then you're fucked.

02:03:14.619 --> 02:03:18.579
And my friend Benji Aflalo goes, he quotes Brody

02:03:18.579 --> 02:03:21.520
all the time. He'll just, he'll write. He'll

02:03:21.520 --> 02:03:25.220
text me emojis, positive and a check. Positive

02:03:25.220 --> 02:03:27.579
check -in, like Brody used to do. He would just

02:03:27.579 --> 02:03:30.500
positive check -in. Positive energy. Positive

02:03:30.500 --> 02:03:33.720
check -in. God, he was so fun. Here's another

02:03:33.720 --> 02:03:36.699
guy. He's on my fucking contact list that's gone

02:03:36.699 --> 02:03:39.800
that I miss. I almost wore my Brody t -shirt

02:03:39.800 --> 02:03:41.680
today. I was thinking about him a lot lately.

02:03:41.800 --> 02:03:44.760
I don't know why. Enjoy it. Enjoy it. Has there

02:03:44.760 --> 02:03:46.979
ever been a comedian who's been less famous but

02:03:46.979 --> 02:03:51.279
more... His cadence has been more remembered.

02:03:51.840 --> 02:03:53.760
It's almost like him and Dangerfield have the

02:03:53.760 --> 02:03:56.000
most memorable deliveries of all time. Especially

02:03:56.000 --> 02:03:58.239
for us. Brody Stevens, I don't know if people

02:03:58.239 --> 02:04:01.800
know. For the guys who were around him, he was

02:04:01.800 --> 02:04:05.680
just such a unique dude. He would show up at

02:04:05.680 --> 02:04:07.420
the comedy store and pull into the lot. Everybody

02:04:07.420 --> 02:04:11.760
would smile. I when I first met him, I really,

02:04:11.800 --> 02:04:14.859
truly hated him. I really hate him. It was it

02:04:14.859 --> 02:04:18.180
was it was literally like the mid 90s show, like

02:04:18.180 --> 02:04:22.479
in New York. And I can't believe I haven't thought

02:04:22.479 --> 02:04:26.439
about this in so long. The show that it's so

02:04:26.439 --> 02:04:29.859
funny, the show that's coming out tonight. I'd

02:04:29.859 --> 02:04:32.359
started developing 30 years ago. My grandfather

02:04:32.359 --> 02:04:34.779
died. I live with my grandfather. And it was

02:04:34.779 --> 02:04:38.720
like a way to like process it. And it was emotional.

02:04:39.690 --> 02:04:42.670
And I was doing it at little alternative comedy

02:04:42.670 --> 02:04:45.170
spaces in New York. And I didn't know Brody.

02:04:45.250 --> 02:04:47.729
And Brody would sit in the front. He was obsessed

02:04:47.729 --> 02:04:51.369
with it. Because I was, like, talking about stuff

02:04:51.369 --> 02:04:54.010
that hit for him somehow. And he would sit in

02:04:54.010 --> 02:04:58.579
the front. But he would, like... over laugh or

02:04:58.579 --> 02:05:02.140
twitch around at a seat so then you know i'm

02:05:02.140 --> 02:05:04.420
developing this like one -man show it's like

02:05:04.420 --> 02:05:06.840
different than stand -up and he's like he would

02:05:06.840 --> 02:05:08.819
want to talk to me about it and he would say

02:05:08.819 --> 02:05:11.720
like weird things that kind of threw me off you

02:05:11.720 --> 02:05:14.760
know he would notice the differences and i said

02:05:14.760 --> 02:05:19.479
uh listen man um hbo's coming to see it next

02:05:19.479 --> 02:05:22.039
week um could you just not be in the audience

02:05:23.720 --> 02:05:25.640
He goes, oh, okay, I understand. I'm the guy

02:05:25.640 --> 02:05:28.560
who bothers you. You don't like me. I get that.

02:05:28.939 --> 02:05:31.180
I go, no, it's not that, man. It's just that,

02:05:31.199 --> 02:05:35.420
like, you're like. Brody, 818 till I die. You're

02:05:35.420 --> 02:05:38.500
distracting me, and I'm not like, you know, I

02:05:38.500 --> 02:05:41.970
was only doing comedy a few years. So then. HBO

02:05:41.970 --> 02:05:45.390
comes and Brody, I walk on stage and Brody's

02:05:45.390 --> 02:05:49.789
in the front row. So afterwards I go, dude, what

02:05:49.789 --> 02:05:52.350
the fuck is your problem? I told you not to be.

02:05:52.390 --> 02:05:53.869
He's like, there were no other seats. I couldn't

02:05:53.869 --> 02:05:56.689
miss it. And our friendship grew where we both

02:05:56.689 --> 02:05:59.529
moved out to LA and we became such good friends

02:05:59.529 --> 02:06:02.329
that I had a Comedy Central show. He was the

02:06:02.329 --> 02:06:05.090
warmup. I had to have him around me all the time.

02:06:05.149 --> 02:06:08.449
I felt safer and better. I think we both grew.

02:06:09.550 --> 02:06:15.229
I was a model in Pakistan. Cover of Camel Beat

02:06:15.229 --> 02:06:19.430
magazine. I dated an amputee. We met on StubHub.

02:06:22.210 --> 02:06:25.810
What was the one about the Nickelback tour jacket?

02:06:27.050 --> 02:06:29.310
I was at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. I saw

02:06:29.310 --> 02:06:31.510
the Nickelback tour. It was in the Lost and Found.

02:06:32.210 --> 02:06:36.289
I love Brody. Look up Brody Stevens. I heard

02:06:36.289 --> 02:06:39.739
you talking about him the other day. about his

02:06:39.739 --> 02:06:44.359
friendship with Zach Galifianakis. Yeah. Were

02:06:44.359 --> 02:06:46.539
you there when they did the memorial at the Comedy

02:06:46.539 --> 02:06:50.899
Store? No. No. That's a good line. I don't like

02:06:50.899 --> 02:06:54.739
those things. I was backstage, and Brody's like

02:06:54.739 --> 02:06:58.039
college baseball coach, high school baseball

02:06:58.039 --> 02:07:00.819
coach, and all his friends all spoke for like

02:07:00.819 --> 02:07:03.060
an hour. And then they bring me out, and I go,

02:07:03.159 --> 02:07:05.640
after hearing all Brody's friends talk for an

02:07:05.640 --> 02:07:07.100
hour, I'm starting to understand why he killed

02:07:07.100 --> 02:07:12.659
himself. That's why I don't like those things.

02:07:12.859 --> 02:07:16.520
It was beautiful. I prefer to mourn people solo.

02:07:16.880 --> 02:07:19.500
It was beautiful, actually. Well, Brody was a

02:07:19.500 --> 02:07:21.880
beautiful guy. That's our world. We've got to

02:07:21.880 --> 02:07:24.579
remember these guys. I know. We do. Well, you

02:07:24.579 --> 02:07:26.340
know, one of the good things about podcasts is,

02:07:26.399 --> 02:07:29.159
like, the world gets to understand a lot of these

02:07:29.159 --> 02:07:30.939
people and hear us talk about all these people.

02:07:31.830 --> 02:07:35.149
I think our world is more understood now in this

02:07:35.149 --> 02:07:37.930
day and age with the podcast world than I think

02:07:37.930 --> 02:07:40.250
it's ever been known before. More criticized,

02:07:40.329 --> 02:07:43.510
but that's part of the process of it. That's

02:07:43.510 --> 02:07:46.810
normal. But also more understood. People get

02:07:46.810 --> 02:07:49.710
it. They get it. It's a weird art form. I remember

02:07:49.710 --> 02:07:51.569
when you had Gilbert Gottfried on. That was great.

02:07:51.710 --> 02:07:54.109
Gilbert was awesome. I don't think he fully understood

02:07:54.109 --> 02:07:58.489
what was happening here, but I remember. really

02:07:58.489 --> 02:08:00.670
enjoying your interview with Gilbert. What do

02:08:00.670 --> 02:08:02.390
you mean you don't think he understood? He'd

02:08:02.390 --> 02:08:04.850
done Stern. He'd done open -ended. Right, but

02:08:04.850 --> 02:08:10.470
he... This is... Stern is fast and jumping in.

02:08:11.930 --> 02:08:13.909
Impressions. This is more of a conversation,

02:08:14.069 --> 02:08:17.869
which Gilbert, in his spectrum -y thing, it's

02:08:17.869 --> 02:08:20.210
tough. A lot of yes and no answers. I thought

02:08:20.210 --> 02:08:23.529
he was great. But I loved him, and he knew I

02:08:23.529 --> 02:08:25.810
loved him. I was always a giant fan of his, so

02:08:25.810 --> 02:08:28.210
I think it was pretty easy. I wear a Gilbert

02:08:28.210 --> 02:08:30.329
Gottfried shirt in the special. That's cool.

02:08:30.550 --> 02:08:33.529
Ultimate tribute. He was a sweetheart. He was

02:08:33.529 --> 02:08:36.579
a sweet guy. So fucking funny, too. God damn,

02:08:36.659 --> 02:08:38.760
that guy was funny. I used to love watching his

02:08:38.760 --> 02:08:42.079
sets in New York. The best. Especially, like,

02:08:42.140 --> 02:08:44.239
in the 90s when no one knew who he was. Like,

02:08:44.319 --> 02:08:48.539
oh, my God. He's such a killer. One of his last

02:08:48.539 --> 02:08:52.800
times on stage, I was at an improv in Florida,

02:08:52.859 --> 02:08:56.789
and he came with his family. And he came on as

02:08:56.789 --> 02:08:59.430
a surprise guest. He walked out and he told this

02:08:59.430 --> 02:09:02.250
long, crazy joke about skull fucking his dead

02:09:02.250 --> 02:09:09.470
grandma. So at his funeral, at his funeral, like

02:09:09.470 --> 02:09:12.350
a year and a half later, I said, Gilbert's comedy

02:09:12.350 --> 02:09:15.210
was fearless and ruthless and subversive, yet

02:09:15.210 --> 02:09:17.989
he was so lovable that he could get us to laugh

02:09:17.989 --> 02:09:20.550
at a joke about skull fucking a dead person.

02:09:20.630 --> 02:09:22.430
And then I looked at his coffin and I said, not

02:09:22.430 --> 02:09:27.760
so funny now, huh, Gilbert? So I love Gilbert.

02:09:28.279 --> 02:09:31.420
We've had the very unique opportunity to be around

02:09:31.420 --> 02:09:34.819
some really truly exceptional people, rare, rare

02:09:34.819 --> 02:09:37.380
human beings, you know, and so many of them,

02:09:37.420 --> 02:09:41.180
you know. We're so rich in our associations with

02:09:41.180 --> 02:09:44.619
so many completely unusual people, you know.

02:09:45.380 --> 02:09:48.380
Here's one more Gilbert story. Okay. One time

02:09:48.380 --> 02:09:50.739
we were roasting Joan Rivers. I was producing

02:09:50.739 --> 02:09:54.449
it, and I booked Gilbert. And I'm on the phone.

02:09:54.510 --> 02:09:56.970
I'm smoking a joint. And I go, I got one joke

02:09:56.970 --> 02:09:59.689
I like, but I can't do it. He goes, what is it?

02:09:59.970 --> 02:10:04.189
I go, well, you know, like Kanye West's mom had

02:10:04.189 --> 02:10:07.210
recently died during a plastic surgery procedure.

02:10:07.449 --> 02:10:11.829
It was the background. And I go, Joan Rivers,

02:10:12.090 --> 02:10:15.449
Gilbert, you know, Joan Rivers, Kanye's mom has

02:10:15.449 --> 02:10:19.590
a better plastic surgeon than you. And I go,

02:10:19.630 --> 02:10:22.270
but I can't do that. And Gilbert goes, I'll do

02:10:22.270 --> 02:10:25.510
it. And that's when I realized I was being a

02:10:25.510 --> 02:10:28.229
pussy and I had to do it. So I did it. So he

02:10:28.229 --> 02:10:31.989
pushed me. That's awesome. That's awesome. He's

02:10:31.989 --> 02:10:34.909
a really special, special guy. We're lucky dudes,

02:10:34.930 --> 02:10:38.229
Jeff. We really are. We're lucky. And especially

02:10:38.229 --> 02:10:39.729
now that we know all these people that we just

02:10:39.729 --> 02:10:41.250
talked about that were amazing and are gone.

02:10:41.569 --> 02:10:43.329
We're lucky we're still here. Being a comedian

02:10:43.329 --> 02:10:46.609
is like a backstage pass to the world. You get

02:10:46.609 --> 02:10:50.210
to see things you never would see as a civilian.

02:10:50.720 --> 02:10:55.300
It's true. I just went to Qatar, Djibouti, Africa.

02:10:56.260 --> 02:10:58.260
You were in Djibouti? What were you doing in

02:10:58.260 --> 02:11:00.060
Djibouti? You did stand -up there? For the troops.

02:11:00.560 --> 02:11:02.720
Christmas with the vice chairman of the Joint

02:11:02.720 --> 02:11:06.020
Chiefs. Saw the Patriot missiles that they're

02:11:06.020 --> 02:11:08.439
using now. I was in two of the bases that just

02:11:08.439 --> 02:11:13.840
got hit just a few months ago. Wow. That's nuts.

02:11:13.899 --> 02:11:16.159
You get to see. And when you're with the vice

02:11:16.159 --> 02:11:19.819
chairman, sometimes you're on. FOBs, they call

02:11:19.819 --> 02:11:21.500
them, Forward Operating Bases. They don't even

02:11:21.500 --> 02:11:24.079
tell you where you are exactly. Oh, wow. You

02:11:24.079 --> 02:11:26.819
know, you're like 80 miles from the Iranian border

02:11:26.819 --> 02:11:31.539
somewhere in Kuwait or Qatar or Jordan. It's

02:11:31.539 --> 02:11:35.340
so cool. Wild. You've always done a lot of stuff

02:11:35.340 --> 02:11:36.859
with the troops. You've been doing that from

02:11:36.859 --> 02:11:41.779
way back, from like the early 2000s. 2003, my

02:11:41.779 --> 02:11:46.470
first trip to Iraq with Drew Carey. Wow. Yeah,

02:11:46.569 --> 02:11:50.649
he took me in 2003. Saddam was still alive. I

02:11:50.649 --> 02:11:53.949
went back in 05. I've done probably 100 of those

02:11:53.949 --> 02:11:56.569
shows all over the world. Wow. It's the best,

02:11:56.590 --> 02:11:59.869
man. That's why I'm a comedian. That's the best

02:11:59.869 --> 02:12:03.350
feeling. That's the best feeling. They say, oh,

02:12:03.369 --> 02:12:05.329
thanks for coming. And I'm like, thank you, man.

02:12:05.489 --> 02:12:08.789
Forget that I'm entertaining. You're doing a

02:12:08.789 --> 02:12:10.850
show for people who are starved for entertainment.

02:12:11.149 --> 02:12:17.920
It fills me up. It invigorates me. It's just

02:12:17.920 --> 02:12:20.539
they're not drinking. They're the best crowds.

02:12:20.699 --> 02:12:24.380
Right. I highly recommend it. That's awesome.

02:12:25.579 --> 02:12:28.840
All right, dude. Your special, is it out yet?

02:12:29.100 --> 02:12:32.939
Tonight. Tonight. Look at you. A Netflix comedy

02:12:32.939 --> 02:12:37.159
special. Longest special Netflix ever did. You

02:12:37.159 --> 02:12:42.189
got the Bobby Brown microphone on? I sing. I

02:12:42.189 --> 02:12:43.590
sing a song in the show. A perfect salty, sweet,

02:12:43.590 --> 02:12:47.329
sour mix. Look at that outfit. It's a suit of

02:12:47.329 --> 02:12:51.810
armor, this guy. This guy, poor guy, lost his

02:12:51.810 --> 02:12:55.229
hands in an explosion. Oh, jeez. I asked him

02:12:55.229 --> 02:12:59.449
why his wife never got finger banged. Jesus.

02:12:59.770 --> 02:13:03.689
It's a multimedia show about my family, about

02:13:03.689 --> 02:13:06.869
resilience, about bouncing back. Are those screens

02:13:06.869 --> 02:13:09.130
in the back wall, a bunch of different screens?

02:13:09.210 --> 02:13:10.869
Yeah. And they show different things on them?

02:13:10.989 --> 02:13:13.399
Yeah. The dogs. Oh, that's cool. You're going

02:13:13.399 --> 02:13:15.399
to love this show. I'm sure I'll love it. It's

02:13:15.399 --> 02:13:17.020
about some of the stuff we were talking about,

02:13:17.100 --> 02:13:21.420
like when you take a hit, getting back up. That's

02:13:21.420 --> 02:13:23.560
awesome. And what's it called again? It's called

02:13:23.560 --> 02:13:25.880
Take a Banana for the Ride. When I was an open

02:13:25.880 --> 02:13:29.119
mic -er, I would take my grandfather to his doctor

02:13:29.119 --> 02:13:32.039
appointments. And then at night I would go in

02:13:32.039 --> 02:13:34.539
New York and try to get on stage at the open

02:13:34.539 --> 02:13:36.779
mics. And my grandfather would give me a few

02:13:36.779 --> 02:13:39.180
dollars for the bus and tolls and a banana. Take

02:13:39.180 --> 02:13:42.380
a banana for the ride. Kind of his way of saying,

02:13:42.420 --> 02:13:44.359
I can't go with you, but I'm there with you on

02:13:44.359 --> 02:13:48.359
the ride. I just tattooed a banana with my mom's,

02:13:48.359 --> 02:13:51.899
would write I love you or I miss you and put

02:13:51.899 --> 02:13:54.180
them in my school lunches. So I found an old

02:13:54.180 --> 02:13:56.600
letter with her handwriting and made a tattoo.

02:13:57.079 --> 02:14:01.619
So now I always have a banana. This one, Eddie

02:14:01.619 --> 02:14:04.819
Vedder drew. It says, born to roast. Oh, that's

02:14:04.819 --> 02:14:09.520
cool. All right. It's out now. Ladies and gentlemen,

02:14:09.560 --> 02:14:12.060
go watch it. Jeff Ross. I love you, buddy. Love

02:14:12.060 --> 02:14:13.979
you, Rogan. Thank you. Good to see you. Bye,

02:14:14.060 --> 02:14:14.239
everybody.