Welcome to this curated educational transcript of the Joe Rogan Experience. In this session, we provide a deep-dive examination of the critical perspectives and historical dialogues presented in Episode #2285. Our mission is to offer a high-fidelity, searchable research resource for students of cultural history, emerging technology, and global discourse. This transcript has been specifically optimized for academic reference, linguistic study, and archival preservation regarding Comedy Industry Disruption, Digital Media Entrepreneurship, and Modern Satire Theory. Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out. The Joe Rogan
Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by
night, all day. Oprah's doing an episode on psychedelics.
God bless. How about that? God bless. That means
she's definitely done it. Yeah, you don't do
a fucking, are we rolling yet? Are we rolling?
Yeah? Yeah. Yeah, you don't do an episode on
psychedelics unless you fucking visited the Maya.
Unless you dabbled. Unless you got in there.
You think it's ayahuasca or mushrooms? Most of
those fancy people like to do the ayahuasca.
Yeah. You know, because then you can claim spirituality
above all other people. Oh, you think there's
like a pretentiousness? Oh, 100%. There's a,
I've done it. I've done it. I've experienced
the mother God. Yeah. The God. Yeah. I've experienced
Gaia. Yeah. It's like, I think. I think people
do really do experience that, but also there's
a certain type of personality that wants to let
you know that they're enlightened. Yeah. They're
further down the road than you, Andrew. Yeah.
Yeah. One way to get instant street cred in the
psychedelics world is to say you do ayahuasca.
Yeah. If you do mushrooms, you might just be
some asshole at a party. You and your friends
are just fucking giggling nonstop on the couch.
It could be that. There's no points in mushrooms.
Right. You don't get points for that. You can
say you took a heroic dose. You'll get points
amongst the learned. Yeah. But the casuals don't
give a fuck. The casuals don't give a fuck. You
do ayahuasca, we're going to pay attention a
little bit. Yeah, the casuals are going to go,
why did you eat eight grams? Yeah. That seems
crazy. But the other people are going to go,
whoa, what was that like? Yeah. Oprah's out here.
Oprah's out here pushing it. I wonder if it's
like a... Yeah. I mean, this is on my friend
Mark Bell's page, Mark Smelly Bell. And he said,
what fucking year are we living in? Like, what
is happening here? What's going on? Yeah. I wonder
if the ayahuasca thing is for some like a quick
fix. You know, they're looking for like immediate
life change. Oh, yeah, for sure. And also, sometimes
your life has been such a colossal series of
failures that you want, like, some symbolic reset.
Yeah. And probably there's a lot of value in,
like, a real, like, set and setting, like, a
ritual. Yeah. Like, I'm emerged, I'm a new person.
Yeah. At least maybe that bullshit will give
you some momentum. For real. To kind of... Get
on the right track. I was talking to Neil about
this. Neil Brennan, you know, he did it. He's
done a lot of different things. Yeah, because
he was trying. You know, he was really battling
this stuff. He needs to get off that vegan diet.
Yeah, maybe that's it. What if it's just... Chicken
is all he needs. He's down in Costa Rica licking
toads. For real. If I had that dude over my house
and cooked him some elk steak, I'd change his
fucking life. If you make an agreement, just
eat this with me. He takes one bite and he's
like, I am worthy. But I think he was talking
about it. And he was, you know, one of his, like,
superpowers is his, like, cynicism, right? And
it's really debilitating. And I tell him this
all the time, but, like, it's also amazing because
he's, like, hyper aware of what the most negative
thing could be. Right. So for joke writing, it's
amazing. It's like he's constantly wondering,
like, what would his biggest hater think? I actually
think it was one of the reasons why Chappelle's
show was so successful because it's like to create
things, you need to be super confident. You need
to not worry about who's going to criticize you.
Yeah. So if you can outsource your criticism,
so if Dave can like think about these things
and be like, okay, this is awesome. And then
Neil can be like, yeah, but this would be said
if we do this. And then together you have this
like perfect combination of like uber confidence
and then this insecurity. And then you make these
things that are just masterpieces. And hyper
analytical insecurity. Yes. You know, like intelligent.
When you're smart and insecure, it's even worse.
Dumb and insecure, you can manage. but then he
said he did the ayahuasca and he was like yet
gave me this like a Feeling of connectedness
or whatever people experience through it and
he's like it was really liberating I think I
did my best work afterwards because I wasn't
constantly beating myself up Like I was able
to create so I think there is value in it But
I do think sometimes people are looking for like
the the quick Okay, my life has changed now and
now I connect with the world and we're perfect.
You can always tell the guys who beat themselves
up because they beat other people up too. What
is it? Hurt people hurt people. Yeah, the guys
who beat themselves up, they're always, like,
super critical about it. But look at him. Look
at his fucking bullshit act. Did you ever go
through a stage like that? Not really. Never?
No. I figured it out when I was 21. Real lucky.
I talked about this the other day. There was
one time, it was an open mic night, and the guy
went on after me. I was hoping that he would
bomb. And I remember thinking that, like, what
a bitch -ass way to think that is. Yeah. Ugh.
Yeah. That's such a bitch ass way to think. And
I completely shifted my perspective because like
you don't think like that with martial arts.
Like you can't think like that. You know, you
can't think like that. You can't think like that
ever. That's like a weak ass thought. Yes. And
then I realized like, oh, this is like your brain
trying to occupy itself with, you know, this
time that's going to be between you and your
goal of. doing something in comedy and it's so
far away you suck you're 21 years old and you
suck so everybody else gotta suck so you want
people to fail and you want to do better yeah
it's like it's just a total scrambly I don't
know what I'm doing with my life thought yeah
and I realized I was like oh that's a bitch ass
thought but that is very normal for human beings
oh yeah there's a lot of bitches out there yeah
like we're kind of bitch made in general like
it takes more effort to not be a bitch actually
especially if you have a job so if you have a
regular job job like an office job you will pretend
to be a whole different person for eight hours
a fucking day every day of your life that you're
there yeah that is a lot of time bullshitting
yeah and when you get out of all that bullshitting
there's not much you left whatever could have
been you never grew because whatever could have
been you was stifled by fluorescent lights and
a fucking monitor you're watching severance right
oh yeah there i mean clearly it's a metaphor
for i don't know there's a lot of things that
go on too there's a lot going on and also shout
out ben stiller i didn't even know ben had this
like level to him i've always respected ben i
thought he was hilarious making great comedy
movies But I didn't know he was like an avant
-garde storyteller. Right, right. It's also the
way it's shot is brilliant. The first episode,
every shot, I don't know who the DP is, like
we should find out who that guy is, but every
shot has like perfect symmetry. Did you notice
that? I didn't notice it. You can cut the screen
in half every single shot. It is a masterpiece.
But I think about that, like this idea of like
severing yourself, a lot of people are doing
that. At work anyway. 100%. That's what you were
describing. They're this other person at work
for eight hours a day. Yeah. They aren't their
self. There's a different identity. They make
up these little terms. Like, oh, this is my work
wife. It's like. Well, that's why it's so easy
to push like crazy woke nonsense into an office
space because people are already bullshitting.
Oh, so if we're already pretending here, what
else are we going to pretend about? What else
do I have to do to keep this job? What do I have
to do to get a promotion? What do I have to do?
Do I have to pretend that trans kids, what is
it? Drab queen shows. Okay, I'm in. I'm in. Healthcare?
Yeah, I'm my dick. Whatever you want to call
it. Gender affirming? Was that what we're calling
it? Okay. And it's interesting to see how little
pushback there is from the workers now that all
these programs are being wiped away. Well, the
people that are losing their job are complaining
hard. And then the senators are complaining hard.
But everybody else is happy. Yeah, the people
who have been faking it at work that are still
working there are not like, damn it. You know
what I mean? They're just going, all right, I
get to be a little closer version to myself.
Well, they're probably going to get fired. At
Disney? You're saying at Disney? What do you
mean? I'm saying all these programs have come
out. Maybe not Disney, but it was like Zuckerberg
comes out and goes, yeah, Meta, we're not going
to do the DEI shit. I think Amazon even came
out and said it. I thought you were meaning government
jobs were cut by USAID. No, I'm talking about
corporate jobs, people who have corporate jobs.
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ZipRecruiter. The smartest way to hire. Oh, you
mean corporate DEI jobs? Could be DEI. It could
just be anybody working there in general. There's
like there's a bunch of people that got jobs
and their whole job was to make sure that the
company was diverse. Right. And it's like, do
you remember the Rainbow Coalition? You remember
Jesse Jackson back in the day? Jesse Jackson
used to... I mean, I know Jesse, but I would
not... He had this thing where he would go to
businesses, like if they had some sort of a dispute,
like say if there was some sort of an issue,
like maybe some black executive got fired and
maybe shouldn't have, or someone put something
on the wall in the bathroom, something, Jesse
Jackson would come in for a nominal fee. For
a nominal fee. He would come in and straighten
your business out. What does straighten your
business out mean? Well, make sure that you guys
are on the right track. Give a little speech.
Collect a little check. So basically say you're
not racist. Absolutely. You can't be racist if
you're hiring Jesse Jackson and we're on the
right track. So he comes along, gives you the
rubber stamp. Legend. What a legend. And he's
like balling, like balling out of control, just
giving the rubber stamps to these companies.
And then on top of that, what they do is then
they would have jobs for people to oversee this
activity in a large corporation. So it's basically
like no -show jobs the mob used to give out at
the Javits Center. I had a buddy of mine who
had one of those. Do people know what the Javits
Center is? is here? It's a big convention center
in New York City. This is where Comic Con would
be and all these different things. Big stuff.
And it was mobbed up, right? Mobbed up. So they
would have all these fake jobs that you could
give to the guys around the block. Yeah. Everybody's
getting paid. And it's probably supported by
the city in some way, right? Yeah, I don't want
to say his name because he's still around. But
he was an actor. And I was working with him.
And he was explaining he's got a no -show job.
Do I know who you're talking about? Probably
not, but I'll tell you afterwards. Fucking great
guy. But afterwards, everybody was like, that
guy's so mobbed up. He's got a fucking no -show
job. You know what's funny? You get like $200
,000 a year. You don't even have to work. Yeah.
Yeah. I mean, there's a lot of construction jobs
and stuff, but this is kind of how things work.
Well, this is what USAID is finding. USAID found
this place in San Antonio that they spent billions
of dollars on. You thought it was only Ukraine
getting money for nothing? And it's fucking,
no one was there? Completely empty? To me, this
is not shocking, but - Bro, the numbers are shocking.
No, the numbers can get shocking, but it's funny
the Jesse Jackson thing is an actual job because
I remember, I had a joke that could never work
out, but the idea was based on - It was Black
Lives Matter when Ukraine started popping, right?
So everybody had the Black Lives Matter posters
in their windows in New York. And when Black
Lives Matter kind of came down. Well, it's once
those ladies got caught buying houses. Of course,
of course. That put a dent in it. It wasn't great.
So now there's all these white people in New
York that have Black Lives Matter in their window,
but they're like, I got to get this out of my
window. So I had this idea for a joke where it's
like, if I was a black dude, I would set up a
business where we will take down your Black Lives
Matter poster for you and then replace it with
a Ukraine flag. You know what I mean? So you're
still a good person. Jesse was doing it in the
fucking 70s. I had no clue the Rainbow Coalition
already worked. That is what it's called, right?
Yeah, it was the Rainbow Coalition. He had a
bunch of other things he would call it under,
but the whole idea was just to make sure that
people weren't... Doing the wrong thing. Yeah.
Do the right thing. Yeah, you gotta do the right
thing. You gotta do the right thing. You always
gotta do the right thing. Yeah, but the problem
with that is it gets hijacked. Obviously, there
should be no racism. There should be zero racism.
Yes. There should be zero discrimination. Yes.
Everything should be merit -based. Yeah. But
the problem with that is, and this is a real
problem, the country's not merit. in terms of
where you're born. You didn't earn your birth
spot. You didn't earn your family. It's a roll
of the dice. You get real lucky or really fucking
unlucky. And as a community, as a country, we
pay zero attention to the completely downtrodden.
I think this is the biggest mistake that the
Democrat Party has made is not making it a class
issue. Like the most successful people in the
party like Bernie and you like her politics or
not, but like AOC They make it a class issue
every single time. I think I think AOC pulled
the same as Trump in her district. Why is that?
Because people think that she wants to help.
And Bernie has just been taking shots the entire
time. He's like, look at all these billionaires.
They got a lot of money. You don't have enough
money. Campaign finance is fucked up. We need
to stop that. There's too much influence with
people with money. And it resonates with people.
Oh, yeah, man. We feel like you want to help.
I mean, I feel like you were like a big Bernie
dude. Dude, that was the first time I really
got canceled was over Bernie. Because they didn't
want Bernie to win. And so they started calling
me racist and homophobic. And I was like, where
is this coming from? Bernie started popping.
What did they say? Right. They had to. I don't
know who they is. You could call whoever the
fuck they want. But like there was this idea
that they had to like thwart his success. And
these articles starts coming out where it was
like the Bernie bros. Yeah. Bernie's got a problem.
His his his fans or supporters are sexist. They're
racist. And they're these bros that are that
are fucked up and they're radioactive and they're
bad people. He's got a real problem. So they're
trying to make him radioactive. I remember seeing.
The reaction to Trump coming on the pods and
it was the exact same playbook. It was like the
manosphere pods. Yeah. They're sexist. They're
racist. Look how fucked it's like. You're doing
the same thing. Yeah. You're making it about
identity politics. I think Americans are kind
of simple in that like we want abundance, but
we want access. So if eggs are expensive, I can't
care about your bathrooms. Right. Like and you
need to tap into that feeling right there. So
from the Democrats, I'm just this is a class
issue. But I feel unfortunately. a lot of them
are in the pockets of these wealthy people. Yeah,
it's all a hustle. If we had the entire time,
if we had brilliant people working for the betterment
of the United States, it'd be a far better place
to live in. We've had a bunch of people that
are capitalizing off of the fact they get in
this position of extreme influence and wealth,
and they make insane amounts of money for people
with a $170 ,000 a year salary, and they keep
it rolling. So how do you do that? How do you
find, okay, How do you find someone who wants
power but is also benevolent? You've got to get
rare human beings. That's the thing. Most people
who want power don't exactly want to give back.
It's a bottomless pit. Bro, have you ever seen
people get a little bit of power and lose their
fucking marbles? Like who? I can't say. I can't
tell a story because it would be real obvious
who I'm talking about. But it's not one of our
friends. I just don't want to say it publicly.
You don't even know him. Okay. But I've seen
people with just like you get a job where you're
the boss now and you just become a cunt and a
half. Like what happened? Do you think it exposes
who they always were or do you think it actually
changes their character? It's probably both.
It's probably both. They probably had weak character
to begin with, but they could get away with it
if they were not in situations that, you know,
caused a lot of anxiety or stress. But then as
soon as they do get in a situation. Like if you're
the boss of some workplace somewhere. Yeah. I've
just seen people just completely lose their shit
when people rely on them and depend on them.
They just become tyrants. Do you think that they
resent the dependents? I don't know what it is,
man. I don't know what it is. You have a lot
of people that depend is, yeah, I would say depend
is tricky because they have the autonomy to not
do that. But there are a lot of people that definitely.
rely on you, and... Yeah, do you feel pressure
from that? Me? Yeah. No. Really? No. I feel like
you took care, like, before you opened the comedy
club, you were taking care of these people that
you asked to come out here and work for you.
So you must have felt this concern for them.
Yeah. Didn't you hire them? Weren't you paying
them even before the club was open? Yeah. Well,
they were all unemployed out of L .A. So I said,
listen, we're going to open up a club. We're
going to find a spot. But you could start immediately.
So you just get paid. Enjoy Austin. Kick back.
Relax. We'll call you in about a year and a half.
It was around two years. But you felt the responsibility.
Yes. But it didn't burden me. Got it. It wasn't
like, oh, this is a heavy responsibility. It
was like, this is smart. We could do this. This
is the right thing to do. This way, we already
have the best people that, you know, got fired
from the comedy store because the comedy store
couldn't open because L .A.'s retarded. And so
we got them all to come out here. And it's like,
look, the right thing to do is to, like, pay
them now. And we'll figure that out. We just
had to figure out where the spot was. And then,
obviously, once we got the spots, like, this
is going to be a long. We're going to have to
put some construction on this bitch and do a
lot of shit. It's going to take some months.
So you knew it was going to take time. You're
like, okay, I'm going to take care of them in
the interim. But again, so you're not burdened
by people feeling like they rely on you or anything
like that? No, it doesn't bother me. No. If it
burdened me, like if it was something where I
was worried I was going to run out of money,
like if I was stretched real thin, I'd be like,
fuck, there's so many people working for me.
This is a problem. I've got to figure something
out. But I'm not. It's okay. It's like decide
what you think about in this life. What do you
mean by that? Decide what you think about in
this life. Are you going to do something that's
going to change the way you feel about having
a bunch of employees? Or are you not? Or are
you just going to freak out about it? Decide
what you think about things. What are those two
philosophies, like determinism and free will?
Yes. Are you a huge free will guy? Do you believe
in determinism at all? Will is real. OK, I know
it's real because it exists in me. The idea,
though, is that it's fleeting and it's dependent
upon a multitude of factors. Your will is really
dependent upon your hormone levels, your genetics,
how much sleep you've had, what positive or negative
experiences have shaped you in your life. There's
a lot going on that that like forces you into
this position where you have to decide whether
or not will is real. Yeah. But will's real. I
believe it's real. It's 100 % real. Yeah. Like,
I know. It's not determinism that makes. David
Goggins run harder than anybody else. It's will.
Yeah, it's a hundred percent will his knees are
destroyed Yeah, it's only will that just gets
you up off the couch if your knees are destroyed
and you run a tidy 30 miles that day Yeah, that's
not that's not Determinism. Yeah, that's bullshit.
It was determinism. There'd be tons of those
guys out there Yeah, a small Cameron Haynes small
little fucking handful of these like psychotic
people who have incredible will. World champion
fighters, Gordon Ryan in jiu -jitsu. Gordon Ryan
works out every fucking day of the week. 365
days a year. It's a huge sacrifice. If you want
to be really great at something, you kind of
have to be out of your fucking mind, but you
also have to have an iron will. You don't want
to work out every day. There's going to be days
you just want to eat cake and sleep. But if you
want to get past the guy who eats cake and sleeps,
you don't eat cake and you don't sleep. Yeah.
That's Will, dude. That's Will. Your determinism
could suck my dick because there's no just like
accidental amazing people. It's like a lot of
similar stories. Single mom, started doing this,
invented something when he was 18. Do they all
come from trauma, you think? I think a lot of
people that are hyper -ambitious come from a
shitty environment. And what is that connection?
I think it's probably wanting something better
than you're experiencing and knowing that it's
possible, that it's out there. And knowing the
pain of living in the ghetto or the pain of being
on food stamps, the pain of poverty. And the
fact that when you're poor and you're young,
you wonder whether or not you're going to have
food. That's a scary thought for a child. Yeah,
that's motivating. Yeah, it puts a kind of fire
in you. You don't get a Mike Tyson if he grows
up in Brentwood. Yeah, you know you get them
when they grow up in Bedford -Stuyvesant Yeah,
you know you don't get them when they have an
awesome dad and awesome mom was there for their
baseball games He tells them what a great job
they did and consoles them when they get hurt
and like no no You have like a life of pain and
then you got some pain to dish out after that
I also but I feel like it's not completely dependent
on that You know like I wouldn't say that I had
this like life of pain like I've you know dealt
with my shit You know, but I feel incredibly
competitive and ambitious. Well, you're an artist.
It's a different thing, right? Yeah, the reason
why it's a different thing is you're an artist
in a very specific Genre, which is talking shit.
You're a shit -talking artist, right? Like shit
talking to that shit is what it is. It is what
it is. It's beautiful It's a professional talker
my favorite art form. Yeah and shit -talking
artists they want to be around a bunch of people
and have a good time. So you don't need to come
from trauma to be ambitious and be a shit -talking
artist. All you have to do is be someone who
admires success and who wants to progress and
keep getting better at this thing that they love
that has given them so much. You also have to
sacrifice and you have to commit to things. I
do feel like it takes... I mean, I didn't...
I mean, in the beginning, like, I don't think
I celebrated a birthday for, like, a decade.
Like, I don't think I ever considered, like,
taking a vacation or anything. Like, I was just
so hungry to get after it, to get good, to be,
like, undeniable. That was, like, this goal.
It's like, how can I be undeniable? I would see
these guys go up, like, fucking Greer Barnes
or Mike DiStefano, and I would just be like,
they're just undeniable. And yeah, I don't know.
I just I didn't even fucking drink, I think,
for like a decade. I was like, I got to get better
at this. I got to just kind of work. And maybe
that comes from like watching my parents work
hard or something. I'm sure that helps. Yeah.
They were really hard workers. Yeah. And that's
like the expectation of work. Also, you have
a lot of gratitude. And I think if you have gratitude,
you realize how fortunate you are to have the
ability to work hard. Yeah. Because that's a
real thing. Oh, dude. Especially working hard
at something that you're actually successful
at. Like once you're actually successful, keep
that foot on the gas, motherfucker. It is. Keep
that foot on the gas. Let's go. That's like the
balance. Like you just put something out. So
I imagine you took a little time off afterwards.
Yeah, I did. I got like 25 minutes right now.
Okay, so you're building back. And like I find
in order for the next thing I do to be different.
I have to take time away because I have to like
reflect on the changes in my life. And if I keep
going like earlier in my career, I would just
go, go, go, go. And I found I was writing different
versions of the same jokes. Right. Like they
were different jokes, but it was same topic,
same kind of reaction. And I think it was I just
wasn't. You're trying to fill time. I'm on the
road. I'm like, I got to go back to Albany next
year. You got to do another hour. I'm making
$1 ,500 a weekend. I got to go. And then you
get connected to that material because you've
been doing it for a while. Yeah. And then it
doesn't really resonate with you. Yeah. And then,
yeah, so it's like— I think Louis took a whole
year off. I think—I really respect that. Yeah.
I think it's wise. Yeah. I think taking time
and thinking about it is really wise. And thinking
about, like, what are the things that are on
your mind? Like, what is— How do you really feel
about this world that we're living? This world
that seems more and more like it's not real.
More and more like it's a fucking simulation.
Yeah. I'm kind of convinced now. What, it is
a simulation? Yeah, there's something going on.
There's something more to... reality than what
meets the eye. There's more to it than what you
could put on a scale or what you could put a
ruler to. There's more to this thing. This thing's
made out of some very bizarre energy that's attached
to consciousness. That's what I think. What do
you mean by this? I think that... I think it's
really possible. First of all, it's inevitable
that one day they will achieve a simulation.
that is indiscernible from reality. Okay. No
doubt about it. They've gotten real close, you
know, where you could put on haptic feedback
suits and you can see things and you feel like
you're in a room. You know, it's crude, but it's
like, you know, Nintendo from 20 years ago versus,
you know, some modern warfare game now. Right.
They're going to get to a point where it's indiscernible.
Yeah. So if it does happen, how do you know?
How do you know when that takes place? Now, here's
the question. Is that the ultimate progression
of technology? Is the ultimate progression of
technology transcending physical reality and
becoming completely digital life? So if that
is possible, how do we know if it hasn't already
happened? How can we know if it hasn't already
happened? One thing I would say that if this
world was scripted, it would be filled with a
lot of shit that's exactly like what happened.
Trump would get shot in the ear and say, fight,
fight, fight. You would have Elon Musk at the
inauguration looking like he's on another planet.
Now, Joe, I just want to make the point here.
You're making the argument for determinism. No,
I'm not. I'm making the argument that there's
a conscious. interface. There's consciousness
and it's interfacing with something that's not
entirely real. And that is the life that we're
living in. And we think it's way realer than
it actually is. So is somebody in control of
it or they're allowing us to have some semblance
of control? I feel like it might be controlled
by the actual things that are inside of it. So
I think our destiny is truly in our hands. I
really believe that. I like that. And then if
that is the case, how is that not real? Well,
it is real in a sense, but... I think that the
actual way that things happen and work is dependent
entirely on the level of consciousness that people
have that are experiencing it. It sounds like
very hippy -dippy and wooey, and it all comes
from a lot of different things, but one of it
comes from Tom Campbell, who wrote this very
fucking bizarre book that I've listened to on
audiobook twice now, where he's talking about
essentially what we think of as reality is just
a simulation. Okay. The whole entire thing is
our consciousness interpreting everything as
we experience it throughout the day. But when
we are not here, that is not the same thing.
What do you mean when we're not here? When we
die, you're saying? If you're not on Mars, is
Mars real? Or is Mars something that we agree
is real? We agree it's in a certain space and
it'll only be there when we get there? Like if
the universe is a true simulation imagine what
a mindfuck you have a simulation where It's perfect
in that it has all of these galaxies and supernovas.
The moon aligns perfectly with the earth to cause
eclipses. And without the moon being there, our
entire atmosphere would fall apart. We would
never be able to survive. So it's like this perfect
little thing that's set right there. And we spin
around and worry, which bathroom should we let
the guy in a dress go to? Okay. This episode
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your first purchase. But meanwhile, it's just
a show that's being put on for our consciousness.
Okay, so it's a show being put on for our consciousness,
right? And then somebody's put on the show, and
then we get the ability to go to the moon, and
then they got to scramble and make a moon? No,
there's a moon. I mean, it doesn't matter. Wherever
you go, there is a place. Because that is kind
of funny. It's like if our technology gets so
good and they're just going, fuck, we've got
to make this thing real. They're on the way.
I'm well aware if you're criticizing me, this
is a dopey way to describe it. But if the tree
falls in the forest and there's no one there,
does it make a sound? Yes. I don't even know
if the tree falls if there's no one there. Oh,
God. I'm not convinced. I'm not convinced. I'm
not convinced. So the tree, okay, okay. I think
if you take a trip to the Pacific Northwest,
you will find trees. Yes, yes. I just don't know
if they're there all the time. So they're only
there in reference to us looking at them. Oh,
I get what you're saying. Wait, wait, wait. So
you're playing a video game. And as you move
throughout the map of the video game, it presents
itself. But you're saying without us accessing
it, it isn't presenting itself. It might be the
whole universe. They're saving on data. That
might be the whole universe. The whole universe
might be us interacting with something. But they
exist. But it doesn't exist without us. Yeah.
And this is one of those things, like, what does
it matter either way? But exists with us in this
moment. Like, if you jump off a cliff, you will
die. Yeah. Like, gravity's real. Yeah. You'll
get pulverized. Yeah. No doubt. But. It's because
you jumped. It's also, like, your consciousness.
Is the reason why all this is here. Yeah. Because
you're interacting with it. That's the manifestation
of everything, though. So I get what you're saying.
The structure. Existentially, does it exist if
we're not touching it, feeling it? It's what
they say about the Native Americans when they
first saw the ships. They didn't know what they
were. Yeah, that's bullshit. That's not real.
Exactly. But I wouldn't say that it's not real
in that they didn't understand what it was. In
the distance, they think there were mountains
moving closer. They probably just saw these giant
pieces of wood and was trying to figure out.
They had structures. They might not know it's
wood. But didn't they have structures? I don't
know if they're fishing at that time. I'm not
sure. But if you see them in the distance, you
see them moving forward. Right, right. I get
the idea. Your brain can't map what that is yet.
Right, you'd be freaked out. So it's mapping
to whatever you know. So it's like, oh shit,
is it low tide? And there's some sandbars out
there that are slowly approaching? What the fuck
is that? That's kind of what you're saying. I
can't understand what a glacier is without knowing
what it is. When I see a glacier for the first
time, I can recognize glaciers everywhere. But
if I take someone who's never seen a glacier
to it. I think this guy's going further than
that. I think he's saying the glaciers aren't
real unless you're there. But if someone is there
at every point in time throughout the world,
then everything is. Yes. And we have enough people
where there's some people in Antarctica. All
right. So Antarctica is always there. There's
some people in Alaska. OK, so that's always there.
If we have enough people throughout the world,
the world is this congealed substance that we
can look at, feel, touch and experience. Yeah.
And it might be like the map of the game is like
those NASA satellite photos of Earth. That's
the map of the game. If you wanted to go through
a game, a video game, and before you go through
the game, it shows you these are the arenas in
which you're playing. And you can choose one
of them? Yeah, you can choose one or you know
which level you're going to. That's those NASA
3D photos of the Earth. That's what the Earth
is. Earth is the place where we play this consciousness
game. When you're sitting at home and you're
like... thinking about these things yeah do you
like talk to your kids about it no that's too
weird to talk to kids about what about your wife
are you like just going hey she would go what
yeah You know my wife. She'd be like, what the
fuck are you talking about? Okay, so you get
out of the sauna. You have a nice sweat. You're
walking around your house. You're looking at
the stars. You see fucking Saturn or whatever
in the sky. If she wants to talk about something
like that, she'll bring it up. like if she wants
to talk about something heavy it's not like i
wouldn't talk about something heavy with her
yeah but generally like i come home from work
she's been with the kids she's doing this and
that we eat dinner we have fun how was school
have a good time maybe we watch a little severance
together yeah yeah but if she's like did you
ever think that maybe this all isn't real, I'd
be like, I'm so glad you brought this up. Okay,
so do you struggle battling with the, because
some people, when they think about this stuff,
they feel their own insignificance, and it's
very depressing for them. Oh, it doesn't matter.
So you're unaffected entirely that your existence
in this lifetime, over the grand scheme of things,
could not be important. It can't be important.
But it is. But it is to you and it is to the
people around you. And if that makes up our reality,
then it's important. Sure. But why think about
that? Why think about whether or not you're important?
I just don't waste any time thinking about whether
or not I'm important. Maybe important is like
a pretentious word. Not important. Don't think
about the end of the game. Play the game. Don't
go, oh, my God, it's going to end. Yes. My quarter's
going to run out. Just play the game. But some
people won't play the game if they know there's
no game at all. Or they know it is completely
a game. I think that there's this urgency that
is applied. Like, okay, I have to create the
art that I want to create in this time in my
life. Time is something I've been thinking about
nonstop since I had a kid. It's like time. How
do I spend time? It maybe is cliche, but it is
the thing that I value the most. And everything
gets broken up into these little quadrants of
time. Okay, I'm out here. I'm doing some pods.
Okay, I'm away from my daughter. I'm away from
my wife. How do I get back that time? How can
I create these events? I don't even buy expensive
shit. I like to take a vacation with my friends.
I want us all to stay in the villa together because
when we're in different hotel rooms, we miss
out on those little moments in between. Right.
Time, time, time. And to me, it's like I'm putting
an importance on this, I guess, the game you
say you're playing. I want to experience the
most of this game as I possibly can while I'm
here. And I have all these examples of people
finishing the game. My dad's... you know, he's,
uh, he's got dimension and all this stuff. It's
like, you're seeing your ability to, I guess,
manifest that reality. You're at the kind of
end of your game, you know, but like, yeah, I,
the idea of like me being important, I don't
care about like that in terms of how people see
it. But in this time I have here, I want to believe
it's really important and I want to soak as much
of it up as I can. And I think sometimes when
you're like, oh, it's pointless, it's nothing.
I felt like Jim Carrey was going through that
moment. There are these times where I'd see Jim
talking about the insignificance of the world.
And I feel like that can kind of lead people
to sadness and depression. I feel like sometimes
you need the battery in your back of importance.
Not you being important to other people, but
the time you spend here being valuable. Yeah.
Well, that's part of gratitude, too. That's one
of your best traits. having gratitude is you
would recognize that you this time is precious
you know yeah use it to the best of your ability
and then really like you enjoy it like soak it
up did you see everything everywhere all at once
yeah i did like i thought that was a beautiful
uh beautiful way of of showcasing how people
look at like the nothingness of life yeah this
girl sees it as potentially nothing And falls
into her own kind of, I guess you would call
it just depression. Why is it worth it? What
the fuck is going on? Right. And she kind of
sees her father as this weak guy that's getting
walked over. And then comes to realize that he
chooses to deal with the nothingness with kindness
and love with everybody. And in reality, he's
a hero. His perspective on the world is the best.
When confronted with the nothingness of life,
he chooses to like be compassionate and loving.
And it's actually like the most heroic stand
you can take. I think it's very easy to just
submit to nothingness. You're determined is maybe
the wrong word, but like you like hard shit.
The day you're no longer here is when you can
no longer do hard shit. I feel like your day
is full of it. And it's just constant. Like wake
up. I'm getting in the fucking ice bath. Like
everything I see you do is hard. You know what
I mean? You could shoot a fucking thing with
a gun if you want. You could shoot animals with
a gun. I'm surprised you don't run on them with
a fucking knife. Literally, I feel like one day
I'm going to see you go, I'm going knife hunting.
I'm going bear knife hunting. Just because it's
a difficult thing to do. I don't know, maybe
that's how you process the process existence.
Well, I think if you are a person who enjoys
challenges and finds a reward in working hard
and overcoming that resistance inside of you
as a Pressfield talks about that, that thing
that wants you to be lazy. If you, if you have
value in that, you find value in that and it
helps you live like a more enriched, more fulfilling
life. You tend to just keep doing that because
this is like, if I, I know for a fact me, as
much as I work out and take care of myself, if
I take like three days off, you'll start to get
used to it. I start getting depressed. I start
getting anxious. I start feeling weird. Like
I don't feel level. Like a couple of days off,
you're just like, ugh, I just feel gross. I was
just like, why is the world so weird? And then
I'll have one good hard workout, and then I'm
like, oh, everything's fine. And I'm like, how
many people need that and don't get it? So what
is that? It's just a human body has certain requirements
because it's designed to run from tigers. The
human body is designed to constantly be. So you
have to feed it. Yeah. You have to feed it. You
have to deal with these difficult things because
for millions of years, that's how our brains
and bodies have been processed to work efficiently.
And if you don't put in those situations, what
is the messaging like? You're wasting this time
here? What is that internal messaging? You can
have both, right? You can have people that have
brilliant minds and shit bodies. They exist.
There's people that don't take care of their
body at all. Yeah, Stephen Hawking. But he had
a disease. But it wasn't like an Adonis before.
Right, that's true too. Yeah. People act like
it's a big difference. Yeah, but the best way
for your brain to work well is if your body is
healthy and has energy. It doesn't mean you have
to be a weightlifter. It doesn't mean you have
to be – you don't have to do any specific thing.
If you like running, run. If you like tennis,
play tennis. If you like yoga, do yoga. But you
should 100 % do something. Find a thing you enjoy
doing. That's why golf or rather tennis is such
a great thing because it's cardio and it's fun.
Yeah. Right? You're doing a fun thing. You're
playing with your friends. Also community. Yeah,
community. Huge. Yeah. But you're – You're active.
If you don't do that, I don't think your body
is in sync. And I think there's a whole lot of
people running out there taking care of things
with pills that you could fix way better and
feel and look better. More importantly, it would
help in every aspect of your life. It would help
you think clearer. You'd have less stress. You'd
be more reasonable. Like, go fucking do something
with your goddamn body. And if you don't do that,
I really believe if you don't do that, you have
less potential. You can have a genius mind that
allows you to overcome that potential, which
is... Just pure intelligence. Just a pure insight
on the world that's extraordinary. You could
overcome bullshit hormone levels and bullshit
body fat levels. You could, but you shouldn't.
You're so fucking smart and you've got a terrible
body? What's wrong with you? You have one of
these goddamn things. You can make that thing
awesome. You don't even do anything. You have
one of these. You get one fucking body and yours
is a... dumpster yeah yours is a dumpster for
potato chips that's crazy what do you like when
you're talking to these high -functioning dudes
you're talking to like an Elon is there did they
value exercise and stuff like that at all like
can he even put that in his day like Elon's a
different animal there's no other human I've
ever met like him No, I don't think he exercises
much. I think maybe a little bit. I know he was
thinking about fighting Zuckerberg, so he did
some training. He trained with Lex and who else?
Was it Georges St -Pierre? They put up a photo
of it. It was George, right? So he trains with
one of the greatest... UFC fighters of all time.
Yeah. Lex Friedman, our boy, who is also a Brazilian
jiu -jitsu black belt. Yeah. And I think he just
did a little bit of that. It was like, fuck this.
Shout out Lex, man. Yeah, there it is. Look at
Lex. And John Donaher, the great John Donaher,
the greatest jiu -jitsu coach of all time. So
he was like learning some stuff. I'll never forget
Lex coming to my wedding uninvited and blacking
out. I'll never forget that. I'll never forget
that. Thank you, Lex. We really appreciate that.
In all fairness, it was my fault that he blacked
out. You forced him to drink. I kind of got him
a drink and didn't realize the Russian in him
had a mind of its own. That Russian mixed with
that fucking American bourbon. The motherfucker
was off to the races. It was so funny. Whitney
was like, yeah, I'm going to take Lex. I was
like, oh, okay, cool. Yeah, I like that guy.
And then I remember seeing him on like a beach
chair just pass the fuck out. Oh, dude, we had
an adventure. Yeah. You guys went to Vegas later
that night, right? We go to Vegas that night
because Whitney had a wedding. She had a wedding.
She did a wedding at someone's house. It was
a corporate gig. Oh, it was a gig, yeah, yeah,
yeah. But it was a wedding at someone's house.
Yeah. I think it was a wedding or a birthday,
whatever it was. Yeah. Party, private party at
someone's house. Must have been a birthday. So
we fly from your wedding. Hey, congratulations.
We hang out and then hop on a jet. You know,
it's only 30 minutes to Vegas. We get to Vegas.
By the time we land, Lex is lit. I mean, Lex
is lit. He was lit at the party. Lit, lit, lit.
So Whitney. performs at this lady's house. Didn't
you go on? I introduce her. Oh, I thought you
did like five minutes. No, I was drunk too. I
went up and said happy birthday, whatever, to
the lady. I forget what it was. I'm pretty sure
it was birthday. And then I bring up my good
friend, one of the most hilarious comics in the
world. Where did he come? And then we get on
the plane, or we get in the car to go to the
plane to head back, and there's no plane. They
never booked a return flight. So we tried. So
we try to get a return flight because they got
our little shitty private jet to get there. So
then we try to get a return flight. We cannot.
I call my service. The quickest they can do is
in the morning. Like, what do you guys want to
do? So we decide that we're going to get a limo
and so have a car service drive us back to L
.A. Love it. So it's a four -hour drive or whatever
the fuck it is. It's me, my wife, Whitney, and
Lex. I remember you just sending me videos of
Lex passed out at different parts of the casino.
That's at the airport. That's at the airport.
But he's like that for the last 12 hours. He
was like that at the wedding. He was obliterated.
I mean, he went hard. That boy goes hard. He
goes hard. It makes you want to not drink. There's
certain people I'm around, I'm like, I think
I'm done. I think I'm done. I feel like less
people are drinking. Well, it's really a good
idea. That might be your influence. It's a good
idea to not drink so much. I wonder if the alcohol
companies are concerned. They're trying to find
something. There's always going to be drunks.
I see it like beer consumption way down. The
problem is it's poison. Yeah. But everything's
poison. It's wonderful, lovely poison. Yeah.
My favorite poison is wine. I love a great glass
of wine. Do we have a nice little red going on
here? Do we have any red wine here? I want to
know what you're drinking. There's something.
There's at least some out there for sure. Do
you want some? I mean, if you're going to have
a glass, I'll have a glass. I'll have a little
sip with you. Just a little sip. I've got to
cut way back on my alcohol consumption. Oh, really?
Yeah, way, way back. I would go, every time I'd
go out to dinner, I'd have a drink or two. Yeah.
Every time I'd go to the club, I'd have a drink
or two. And then one day I sat down, I was like,
that's like four days a week, five days a week.
That's like a drink or two, five days a week.
Like, how would you feel if you didn't have a
drink or two five days a week? So I didn't have
any drinks for like two weeks, and I feel a lot
better. So am I breaking your like - Streak right
now? Yeah, you would be breaking my streak. I
don't want to fucking streak up. Well, we don't
have to drink it then. Actually, let's break
it. I don't mind. I think the key is, like all
things, it's all about moderation. But the reality
of alcohol is it's basically poison. Yeah, but
it's got great social utility. Oh, yeah. I feel
like people undermine the value of alcohol and
how - It ain't around for all these years because
it sucks. And if you travel, you don't get to
experience certain cultures. In their truest
form without them consuming alcohol. Right. Like
if you've gone to like Ireland, you go to Dublin.
Like during the day, there are very different
people. And they seem kind of like tight and
dour. And then at night at the pub after like
a few Guinness, it seems almost cliche. But everybody's
singing and dancing, and there's so much love
and connectivity. And you see why all this great
literature, music, and poetry just comes from
this tiny little island. And you're like, oh,
wow, you really need that. It is a tough place
to live, and you've got to stuff everything down,
and you need a release valve. Same thing with
Russia. When I was in Russia, seeing them on
the drink, they're winning. On the drink. On
the drink. They're warmer. There's warmth in
the culture. That's a great way to explain it,
though, on the drink. For real. We have fancy
glasses. Okay. What are you thinking, Joe? Which
one was the one that you just touched? Grab that
one. It's where your hand is. That's what we're
going to decide. 97 was a long time ago. How
do you find that balance where you kind of need
it? That's old -ass wine, huh? How do you find
what balance? It allows people to access this
part of themselves that they might feel is like
a... push down or the problem is if you use it
too much right yeah and it's also the problem
is like i notice if i drink three or four nights
in a week i don't feel as good yeah and when
i don't drink at all for two weeks and i feel
like really good all the time like what am i
retarded why am i drinking why would i drink
yeah like i don't need to drink to have a good
time yeah but you know when you're at the bar
or at the club rather and everyone's being social
and tony's like who wants to drink anybody want
to drink okay cheers yeah it's just about discipline
It's just about, like, if you feel like you're
going off the rails, hit the brakes, settle down,
what are you doing? But a lot of folks don't
have any of that, unfortunately. And, you know,
they'll be sober for a long time, and then one
glass of Chardonnay later. They're doing cocaine
and headed to Vegas. It's not even the alcohol.
Lewis Lex Friedman. Blowing rails on a private
jet. Who does coke and passes out? That's how
drunk you are. There's something so funny about
people passed out. It's the funniest shit ever.
They've become children. They're babies. They're
like infants. They're just completely out of
control of their body. Yeah, you're not even
there. Hello. Look at you out cold. It's just
a weird aspect to people that we have to shut
off. Yeah. That's so weird. I was just watching
this video about this guy who he did a radio
broadcast in Times Square where he stayed up
for eight days. And this guy started having crazy
hallucinations. He was having his REM sleep.
His REM cycles in his brain were going off while
he was awake. So he's living inside nightmares.
I'll send it to Jamie. It was crazy. I think
Duncan sent it to me. It's really wild. They
say that can induce insanity faster than anything,
right? Oh, for sure, dude. I mean, without a
doubt. The sleep deprivation. Yeah, sleep deprivation
is really bad for you. How many hours do you
get a night? I try to get at least seven. Oh,
wow. But if I have good nights, I get more. But
what if you come home late from the club? When
I do, if it's... School days, especially. I get
up in the morning, I say goodbye, and then I'll
maybe go back to sleep for an hour. So I'll get
up with them, see them off, and then I'll go
back to sleep for one more hour. Because I can
sleep on the ground, dude. I can go to sleep
on rocks. I know how to pass out. So I can go
right back to sleep and I'm good. But I like
seven. But I can function on six. I had six last
night. I had to get up in the morning for a dentist
appointment. But generally speaking, I'm looking
for eight. Yeah. I like eight. Yeah. Eight's
where it's at. I don't think I've had eight hours.
I don't think I've had eight hours since I had
a kid. Oh, yeah. I didn't either for a while.
It takes a long time. And it's also like your
day is way more occupied. Oh. It's a completely
different. Yeah. You really realize how much.
your actual time working on something is precious.
when you have children because, like, they just
go to bed. You're like, okay, I got an hour to
get some shit done. You know, you got one hour.
You don't have an hour to flip through your phone,
check out TikTok. Uh -uh. You got an hour to
get something done. And then you got to go to
bed. And then you got to get up in the morning.
You got to get up early. You got to help with
this, help with that. We're doing this. We're
doing that. We're packing our stuff in here.
And, okay, let's go there. And there's a thing
after school. Remember, it's at 4 .30. Don't
be late. Okay? 4 .30. And then you got to zoom
over from here. It's like your day is so occupied.
It makes you more disciplined. It makes you more
disciplined, and it makes you feel more productive.
Like, it's weird. Like, even going out and, like,
say, having some drinks or whatever and waking
up and feeling kind of shitty, without, like,
the kid, I kind of feel guilty by halfway through
the day. I'm like, what was I doing? Why the
fuck did I go out and party? But when I'm, like,
up at 7 and I'm fucking tired and I'm hungover,
and I'm with my wife taking care of the baby,
by 12, I'm like, I'm a good fucking parent. Like,
I feel like this... I feel like a positive sensation
in the place of this like guilt ridden one that
I would used to feel maybe. And I think it's
that immediate productivity, that purpose. There's
this human being you love more than anything
that is like deeply relying on you. And yeah,
I feel, I don't know. It's also the kind of love
you have with them. It's just indescribable.
How old were you when you had your first? 40.
Yeah. So I'm 41. So I was, yeah, it's the same
thing. it's yeah it's every cliche it's amazing
you spend all this time as a as a comedian like
thinking of unique or different angles and then
you're presented with your child and like every
feeling you have is the most cliched feeling
that everybody has ever described in having a
child yeah and then you don't mind when babies
are crying on airplanes anymore dude it completely
changes everything It is adorable when they're
crying on the airplane. You almost want to help
the mom. Isn't that crazy how when you're a young
man, you're like, oh my God, a baby's crying.
You look for something to cover your ears with.
That's also a big city thing. I feel like places
that - Like country places where they're so used
to - Where there's family dynamics and that's
rewarded. I grew up in the city where it just
wasn't that rewarded. It's a rare thing to even
be a kid in the city. Especially - You're a kid
in the city, and then you go from that to being
a stand -up comedian, so you're a nighttime,
nightclub guy. Like, the whole baby crying, like,
oh, Jesus. Yeah. It's like, whew, some bad decision
-making going on over there. Yeah. Yeah. But
it is—I wish that—I would like us to change that
a bit. I think that's the thing that's kind of
missing in this masculinity movement is fatherhood.
I hear a lot of guys talking about - Is there
a masculinity movement going on? Apparently on
these pods that we do. Is that what it is? We're
the manosphere, dude. This is where fucking men
hang out. I don't think they consider us the
manosphere, honestly. I think the manosphere
is like those pickup artist type dudes. But that's
the thing. None of those guys have kids, or they
talk about what it is to be a man, and it's like
- buddy like you're missing out on the most important
part of the entire process yeah like i want to
hear the guys who have a bunch of kids telling
me what it is to be a man right like to me that's
way more valuable and i feel like they're missing
out on like the defining moment in a man's life
even bitches have alpha bitches there's like
a leader of the bitches oh that's fire You know,
so they're a leader of a movement. But what kind
of movement are you leading, bro? Yeah. What
kind of movement are you leading? Yeah. You know?
It is. Yeah. You go to an island full of bitches
and you could become the king. There's going
to be somebody there. Just find out who that
head bitch is and say, yeah, time's up. And those
bitches are probably easier to lead. Oh, yeah,
for sure. That bitch has been leading them. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I saw once CNN after the election,
they were talking about us in specific, and they
were talking about how there is this network
of podcasts that are interconnected that has
been financed. This huge corporate finance network.
It's called Black Rifle Coffee. It's so stupid.
No, it's actually just a bunch of friends, you
fucking idiots. We just happen to do each other's
podcasts. sort it out. They support each other.
They go on each other's shows and they're all
in this together. We need that on the left. Good
luck. You guys cancel each other if your fucking
Ukraine flag is too small. Six by six. You fucking
talk shit about each other for not having trans
kids. You guys are out of your mind. You're not
going to sync up together. You're in a suicide
cult. I think that was The results of the election,
I don't think that they would like to believe
this, but it was a rejection of what was happening.
I think the assumption is everybody just loves
Trump and he's just this populist and every person
that voted for him is like, I just love everything
about this guy. But I actually think that a lot
of people. We're just like, I don't like what's
happening now. Right. And this current administration
is saying that they don't want to change much
that's happening now. Right. So I'm voting against
that lack of change. Right. And I think it's
important for them to realize that. I talk about
this a lot, especially with Charlotte on the
pod. And it's just like you have to be reflective
of what the people are telling you. Like when
the Mangione thing happened and the reaction
by the people was to laugh at it. Yeah, they
were kind of pumped. But you got to look at that
and you got to pay very close attention to what
people are feeling. Don't tell them what they
should feel. And, you know, better. And, oh,
we have to lead them to the water because they're
too stupid to know how to find it. No, no, no.
They are disillusioned by the medical system.
And if you don't meet them there, you're never
going to win ever. Yeah. And I feel like that's
at least from talking to Trump. That was something
that I got from him is like. It doesn't seem
like it when you see him on the news and shit,
but he's like an acute listener. Like he listens
to what people are saying. And he listens, more
importantly, what they're feeling. And he can
tap into those feelings. And I think that that's
what people who've had a lot of success in politics
were able to do. Barack did it. Bill Clinton
did it. Probably maybe the best. Bill might have
been the best. His ability to communicate to
people what they were feeling. I know you feel
pain. I do feel pain, Bill. I'm here for you.
You are? I am. I would love that. You know, it
was... I'm going to be your leader. Yeah, it
was... Yeah, it's... You need to listen. I think
what Trump's done that's really brilliant is
bring in people like Tulsi Gabbard, Robert F.
Kennedy Jr., Cash Patel. Bring in those people
and you kind of really do get a chance to change
things, like legitimately change things. But
think about that decision, right? It's like,
And those people are all echoing sentiments that
the majority of Americans feel. We do not trust
the food. Here's the guy who says the food is
bad. Right. Maybe we should put him in control
of the food. Kind of like a simple thing. Yeah.
Instead of going, well, this guy is the food
doctor and we're going to hire the food doctor
because he knows what food is good for you and
you guys should just shut up and listen. And
I feel like there's a lot of this like top down.
on the left and i'm not trying to just like bag
on the left i don't care really about that like
i don't even care about the politics i care more
about like where the the cultural liquidity is
it's like you can't talk down to people there's
this like ivy league pretentiousness in the democratic
party i feel where they're like we know better
and just you must be stupid if you don't agree
with us it's like all right well i'm stupid i'm
dumb i'm dumb then so why doesn't somebody meet
me where i'm stupid And start at least making
me feel like I'm not an asshole for the way that
I, you know, for my, I guess you could say political
leanings now. Yeah, I feel like they need to
meet. And it's a very simple thing. Make it a
class issue. And I think they win. And say what
you want about America. But I think it's better
if we have two president or two people running
for president that we're stoked about. And it's
a really hard decision. Oh, yeah. That would
be wonderful. Yeah. That's not what we had. We
had one group of people that legitimately wanted
to change things and then we're gonna see what
happens if they do What but you're seeing weird
stuff today that you never see before which is
like a real adjustment to the age of the internet
One of the things you're seeing is and if you
saw the 22 different Congress people who are
all saying the exact same line With the word
shit in it. What was the line? So it's like It's
this speech. They're reading it verbatim. They're
all reading it and doing it to a microphone as
if it's a rant. But they're all doing from the
same script, and the shit ain't right. The shit
ain't right is the beginning of it. When in the
history of the United States has a politician
said shit? And not just one, but 22 of them in
tape recording. Can you pull it up just so we
can see it? Because it's so nuts when you see
them all together. It's just like they have it
on screens as tiles, and they're all saying the
same words. They all have their own little flair
they put on it. Look at this. Put your headphones
on. This is fucking bananas. It's okay. You won't
be able to, you can't really tell. It's like
a crowd. But when they had three of them, when
it was the first three was like, it was Chuck
Schumer and someone else. Yeah. They're saying
the exact, oh, Elizabeth Warren and someone else.
Yeah. They're saying the exact same words. Yeah.
In the exact same subjects, in the exact same
order. You guys are all reading off a script
and you're trying by putting the word shit in
there to be authentic. well shit ain't right
to be specifically authentic they're like we
need to speak to working class people to the
kids yeah and it it is kind of like bigoted in
a weird way where like they're it feels like
they're almost in a think tank like hey listen
these poor dummies they like it when you curse
yeah so if you use a few curse words in your
speech they're gonna really relate to you yeah
and it's like no no we actually need somebody
disruptive we need somebody on the left that
is That might speak like that but authentically
speaks like that and is willing to disrupt even
what's happening the left because if you look
at like what happened with the Trump and the
movement like he Disrupted the right the right
looks very different now than it did five ten
years ago, right? Definitely. So I want like
like a MAGA Democrat Yeah, like for real like
and and what is that? Like what do we at the
at our baseline want right? We like abundance
Tell me how great America is going to be in your
version of it. You want to build Clinton talk
that shit Like come out talking shit. Bernie
was talking shit. And I want you to come out.
And if Trump can say, we're going to take Greenland,
there can be some den that goes $1 eggs and straight
up says, we're going to subsidize it. How would
you do that? Subsidize it. Subsidize corn. You
subsidize dairy. You subsidize everything. Like,
why can we not subsidize it? But say something
that's actually going to impact people. Now,
Trump's not going to take Greenland. So maybe
you don't get the $1 eggs, but you get this messaging
across that you're actually trying to help people.
and you're going to have to deal with those lobbies
that are bankrolling you, and that might piss
them the fuck off, but that's the disruption
we need for us to trust you. You know what they
really should do? What's that? They really should
have a strategic plan. If we're spending, what
is it, $350 billion went to Ukraine? What was
the number? What are they saying it was? I don't
know what the number is. Let's just be conservative
and say $200 billion. Imagine if we spent $200
billion in the United States in all of the crime
-ridden cities of the country. Just completely
overhauling them. All right. So here's my concern
about that. How much did they spend in California
on homelessness? $24 billion. And then nothing
changed, right? No, they got worse. They did
a good job. Awesome. They did a good job. So
maybe we could spend $36 billion. So there's
also this idea that the current administration
in these places, even with an abundance of money,
is not going to make change. So you need somebody
from inside, from the left, to go, hey, these
people are corrupt. On my team, we're going to
root out that corruption, but we are going to
take care of homelessness. We are going to make
eggs cheaper. We are going to build fucking 10
,000 affordable housing units so that the price
of your rent can go way down. There has to be
something disruptive instead of, hey, let's just
go back to normal. Let's not ruffle any feathers.
I see what you're saying. I reject the idea,
though, that progress can't be had just because
people have been corrupt. abused money before.
I feel like you could farm it off to private
corporations the same way we did with Halliburton
during the Iraq war. What did they do with Halliburton?
Halliburton got no bid contracts to rebuild Iraq.
And they did it. They actually built all the
power plants they didn't need. There's like a
lot of waste and weird shit that went on over
there. You could do that with the inner cities.
You could have contracts. You're saying Halliburton
did a good job? No. I'm just saying they actually
did get paid to rebuild cities so you can get
a private sector that would actually make money.
It would become an industry. Instead of it being
bureaucracy. So you see what I'm saying? Instead
of it being something where it's like California,
they're taking the homelessness, where nothing
gets done but money keeps pumping into it. No,
the only way you get paid is based on results.
So you have a contract with incentives based
on results. Yes, and that is the problem. You
have to lower crime. You have to lower crime.
You have to lower juvenile detention rates. You
have to improve education scores. You have to
make food, healthy food, far more accessible.
It would be very easy to open up enormous food
pantries in the inner city and finance it in
comparison to the amount of money we spend on
other countries doing transgender monkey studies
or whatever the fuck we do. The stuff they do
is nuts, like $20 million to Sesame Street. in
Iraq. It's bananas. So if you've got enough money
for that, you've got enough money to set up food
banks in every fucking city where poor people
can get nutritious food. Just sign on, have a
driver's license, whatever the fuck you need
to get your food. And what are the downstream
effects of that? You have way less health issues,
which takes down the cost of health care. Also,
people aren't desperate because you can actually
always eat, which is a real problem with some
people in this country, right? What's this about,
Jamie? What are you pulling this off for? They
didn't do a very good job, apparently. Oh, well,
I'm sure they probably... Well, I said they did
do corruption and there was some waste, right?
Because I was talking about these power plants
they built that didn't matter. But the point
is, it was a business. So you got businesses
involved and they went in and they got contracts
to do things. If you got contracts to re -engineer...
these communities slowly over time. You'd have
to do it where it didn't shock the community,
but slowly over time. Unfortunately, you would
have to ramp up the law enforcement because there's
going to be resistance. If you're going to go
to the south side of Chicago and try to clean
it up, you got gangs in there shooting each other
every weekend. You got real fucking problems.
But what's the alternative? Let that keep going
on forever? No, you can't. So you have to rip
the Band -Aid off. Have you heard of the guy?
He's the president, I think, of El Salvador.
Oh, the guy who made all the camps for those
people? I'm sure there's tons of criticism, right?
100%. But I think El Salvador has become the
safest country in Central and South America.
Yeah, there's no criminals. They're all in jail.
And I'm sure there might even be a little North
Korea shit where it's like, yeah, you're not
in the gang, but your cousin is, and you hang
out with him, and now you're in his prison. Sure.
Of course. But what they've done is completely
revolutionized the country. And if you ask the
other people that are not gang -affiliated at
all, There's this undying support. I think he
has a 91 % support rating or whatever that is.
And it's like, these people feel like they got
their lives back. Now, I'm sure, as I'm saying,
there's going to be people going like, oh, these
are civil rights violations. Yeah, yeah. You
know what else is also a civil rights violation?
When your city is completely run by a gang and
you're terrified to let your kid leave the house.
So there is a version where having more... punitive
measures for people that are breaking the law
will increase safety and the prosperity of the
people in that region. Like in order to get investment
into the South side of Chicago, you need to make
it safe first. Starbucks is an opening if it's
getting broken into every fucking week. So yeah,
it's, um, yeah, I like that. I like one of the
first things you would finance is community centers.
You finance like a real. great community rec
center where kids, if their mom's working, no
one's there to take care of them. They got real
good coaches there. They got people that can
set them up maybe for potential athletic scholarships.
They're talented. Maybe you have people that
teach you how to play music. That's where I went
when I was a kid. I went to the Carmine Street
Recreation Center. That's where I played basketball.
It was this beautiful place, this amazing oasis
where not only are you getting to meet friends
and stuff like that, but I'm getting to compete.
I'm getting to play against guys way better than
me. Even as I say this right now, I'm like, I
got to donate money. They created this place
where there was a lot of kids in those programs.
They might have ended up doing some fucked up
shit, man. They had a place where they could
go. There was a safe haven. Look at us talking
like some libs on this pot, man. Well, I think
we are liberal. Of course we are. That's the
biggest misconception of all of this is that
we don't want this place to be better, but there
have to be certain changes that we make. Dude,
I'm socially about as liberal as it gets. And
I'm a firm believer in a social safety net, too.
I'm a firm believer in welfare and food stamps.
I just think there's a way to address the root
of the problem, which is people with no hope.
And the way to do that is you've got to give
them hope. You have to make it safer for them
to live where they live. You have to make it
healthier for them to live where they live. And
then I don't think it would cost that much to
provide guidance for a bunch of kids that want
guidance. And if you have good, solid role models
that know how to do that kind of stuff, and they
can all work together and build a program, what
if those kids wind up being really talented musicians
or really talented athletes or whatever the fuck
it is? What's happening at the mothership? Have
jujitsu classes. Like what's happening there?
Like I feel like you've created an environment
where it's like these guys can make enough money
to survive, which is a very hard thing to do
as a fledgling comedian, right? And some of these
guys who are door guys, they're starting to get
spots around. Even like some of my guys, you
know, like obviously Derek Poston is like making
real money, right? And learning how to flourish
as a comedian instead of working 60 hours at
a job and then doing comedy when he potentially
can. Right. You hopefully get to see this artistry
grow like I've watched Derek explode as a fucking
comedian like this guy's so fucking funny He's
he's so lovable. It's he's so love. He's got
a he's got a don't tell coming out April 16th
nice He's a and I've watched this fucking amazing
So everybody go check that out nice, but that's
the type of environment that I imagine you can
curate now You're very benevolent right, but
you would hope that the government can create
that same level of benevolence without leaking
too much money yeah it just it has to be done
for the right reasons the right way with the
right people and that was what we pulled off
with the mothership because i was able to get
everybody from california but also i knew that
that was the formula because it was kind of like
the heart and soul of the store it was like the
people that were the coolest people that were
running things over there bring them over here
yeah and it was just The whole thing was so nuts,
dude. It was like the universe wanted it to happen.
Every light turned green right when we got to
it. Every light turned... None of it makes sense
on paper. If you thought about the idea behind...
dumping a ton of money in a club and your ultimate
goal is to break even? Like, who fucking does
that? And then it also, you have to... But that's
government. Government shouldn't make money.
So the ultimate goal should be to break even.
Well, your ultimate goal shouldn't be everything
is a money venture. Right. So the club is not
a money venture. Right. The club is an artistic,
it's like, I want it to be like a camp. Yeah.
Like camp for comics. Yeah. Like you go there.
All your buddies are there. Everybody's having
a good time. We're all trading. We were all last
night. Me and Shane Gillis were breaking down.
Me and Shane Gillis did Bottom of the Barrel
last night for an hour. Oh, shit. We were on
stage for an hour. It was the most fun I've ever
had doing it. We were crying. Good. Like tears
rolling down my face, crying, laughing. And then
we're hanging out in the green room. We're breaking
down this bit. And we're coming up with new lines.
This is like a laboratory. It's a hangout. Yeah.
We got fucking Gary Clark Jr.'s playing on the
stereo. Everybody's vibing. We're all laughing.
Woody Harrelson's hanging out with us. We're
all having such a good fucking time, man. It's
like that's what I wanted to build. I didn't
want to build a business. It wasn't like, well,
if I sell drinks for X amount of money and then
I charge this amount for a ticket and fuck the
comedians over, I'd do the opposite. I'd pay
the comedians way more than everybody else pays.
And look what happens. But that's just to try
to facilitate this artist colony. I want it to
be a place where this is like the mothership
even has a name. Like we came up with the mothership
because the first one was the asylum. Because
Mitzi Shore, God bless her, she always used to
say, oh, the inmates are running the asylum.
That was her thing whenever she would come to
the store. She loved it that we were crazy. She
loved like, you know, Dom Barris. jumping around
backstage and everybody's laughing and Joey Diaz
telling some crazy story and then Mitzi would
pull up. She'd get out of her car, oh, the inmates
are running the asylum. And I was like, if we're
going to branch out, we should just call it the
asylum. You know? I like Mothership. The Mothership
was better because, first of all, asylum was
already taken. There's like a couple of different
asylums, so we couldn't have asylum. And then
it was like... I'm so fascinated with UFOs. I'm
so obsessed with that shit anyway. Mothership
is like the place where we all launch from. So
when we go all throughout the rest of the country,
you always come back to the mothership. Yeah,
there's a, like, creating environments where
art flourishes is a... So I did kill Tony the
other day. And it's been a while since I've done
the whole show. I came out for MSG. That was
fun. That was incredible. We had such a good
time. Oh, dude, it was great. Oh, we had such
a good time. Your stupid jacket. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, that jacket. I had to have it. I
knew I wanted to wear a fur jacket. I was like,
I told Tony, I'm like, I'm getting a fur coat.
I have to get a fur coat. I think I talked to
you the day before. You're like, are you getting
a fur coat? I got it the day of the show. Yeah,
you texted me something. You're like, yeah, they're
aware of this. Yeah, my boy Phil found this dude
who's a private shopper, and he found the spot
to go. He's like one of them celebrity shopper
dudes, and he found me the spot. And I was on
it, and I'm watching in the interviews. The interviews
are really fun. A lot of these comics are really
green, and they're going in there and trying
to find something, but the interview portion.
and I'm probably saying something that everybody
already knows, but when I watch Kill Turn, I'm
watching it in clip form, right? So I'm seeing
these 60 -second versions. Right. But what I
thought was really interesting about the interviews
is there's a real generosity with Tony, right?
I don't know if even the comics realize this.
He's trying to get you to write your first good
joke. He's asking you questions where you don't
have to be funny, but they are funny because
you're just speaking truthfully. Right. And it
is generous. It's easy to just, like, you could
bang on every single one of the people that go
up there. Right. But that's not exactly what's
happening. Sometimes, of course, people are going
to get jokes. But there's this moment where,
like, you get to watch some of these guys, like,
hopefully they're realizing, they're like, oh,
I am, oh, that is a kind of funny thing about
me. And that's, like, the first kernel of, like,
where they'll write their first good joke. Yeah.
And it's a really cool thing to witness. And,
yeah, there's a couple guys that went up and,
like, there's one guy, like, his joke sucked,
but he had something. Like, I just kept watching
him. Yeah. And I was like, you're going to be
good. Like, I hope you keep doing this because
you're going to be good. And, like, we started
asking him questions. And there's this Mexican
guy from San Antonio. And he works at, like,
Office Depot. And there was something funny about,
like, hold on. So, like, there was, like, something
about, like, you know, he's selling, like, papers.
And I was like, hold on. So, there's, like, a
Mexican guy. Like, people are asking for paper.
Like, there's just, like, there's all these,
like. Like, it seems like a setup. You know what
I mean? So, but. It was just really cool to see
it happen, and it reminded me of these early
stages of comedy where you're putting together
these things that you think are funny, and funny
is kind of already existing in you. Yeah, it
was a cool aspect of the show that I'm sure the
people that watch it, and this is a massively
successful show, so they're familiar. But maybe
the people that don't watch it don't know about
the show. They just think Tony's just roasting
people. And it's a very generous thing to do.
Yeah, it is. Loves comedy. He loves comedy to
the point where he's always writing lines for
people backstage. He's always giving people tags.
He's always talking about, did you do that bit?
Oh, I love that bit. He's super supportive with
comedy, and he loves when the guys who do his
show, like William Montgomery. When they start
to flourish. They start killing it on the road.
He loves that. He's actually put together a tour
now, The Killers of Kill Tony. I've seen it,
and they're doing fucking theaters. Yeah, and
they're killing it. are good man Ari Matty is
fucking good man I was talking to him yesterday
man he's fucking smart he's funny he's super
ambitious he writes he wants to be an American
so bad he's a fun hang he's got great perspective
on stuff also like yeah he had you know he's
an MMA fighter I remember seeing fought three
times wow wow wow yeah he's a big guy too Yeah.
Yeah. But, like, yeah, I remember, like, he even
had a joke yesterday. I mean, whatever, it will
come out. But, like, it was funny. Like, he tapped
into something at the end of the bit that he
did when he does the minute. And then in the
interview, it really became the thing. Ah, right,
right, right. Because what you get to watch is,
like, he's, like, he's a veteran comic. Like,
he's probably been doing it 10 or 12 years, right?
Right. So, like, you get into real comedian mode
around 10, right? Yeah. You got to witness live
what we do backstage Which is like I like that
idea Why did you do this and he said a line at
the end of when we're just doing the interview?
Did that I think is gonna be what this joke builds
out? It's I don't want to give it away Watch
it but to me like that part of the process is
so fun Oh, yeah, and it is I don't know if people
know this about us like it is really fun to like
work on someone else's bit Like there's almost
like more freedom because you're less attached
to it. You know, like if you have something and
you're like telling me the idea, like I'm not,
you're attached like a direction for it. And
I'm just coming from all these other places.
And what if my tag bombs, it doesn't matter.
You're the one going to do it. But it is this
exciting thing when you have a colonel. And yeah,
this moment happened with it. And you can even
see him go, oh shit, that's. Yeah, that's the
next level of it. Anyway. Yeah, they emerge,
right? Yeah. The new chapters in your bits, your
new paragraphs, they emerge. It's the best. And
for me, it's like, I need to talk to get it out.
I'm not like a sit at home and like I write the
ideas. Like I need to, I need to be like, yo,
I got this idea and what do you think about this?
And then you have to like give me pushback on
it. And then confronting that pushback is like.
where the bit develops for me. Right, right,
right. That's the beauty of the audience not
laughing. Well, that's why you like New York
City. When you moved to Miami, you were like,
it's too nice down here. No, it was like life
was beautiful. Everybody was caring about family
and everything, and it was just so comfortable,
and I was like, I didn't have any resistance.
That's so funny. I'm used to that chaos. I need
the opposite. What do you mean? Your whole life
is resistance. You're in the sauna, the ice.
I don't like resistance with people. I don't
want to deal with people's bullshit. I got my
own bullshit to deal with. That's my ice bath.
Yeah, there it is. You just want to get out there
and grind it out. I do 30 minutes on the six
train. Right. Bro, we better have a bulletproof
vest. Yeah. Anyway, to what you were saying about
like hope, it is interesting and I see like.
I see that for comics, especially here. There's
this idea of like getting on the show and seeing
a pathway to success. It's a real pathway. It's
a real pathway to a career. And you've seen many,
many, many people go through it. Like Cam Patterson.
Yeah. David Lucas. These guys all have careers
now. Yeah. He had a funny bit too. Cam's funny.
Yeah. He's funny. I think there's a little bit
of a hindrance in that one minute a week because
it's like you spend so much time working on that
one minute that maybe you don't spend enough
time tightening up. So that's what. Your hour,
whatever you have when you're on the road. I
was like, you give this minute out, and it goes
out to the whole comedy world. And that's what
I was asking Ari. I was like, can you still do
those bits? Because some of these aren't finished.
They're just the fucking beginning of it. Right,
right. Don't let those go. Right, build on them.
As long as you're building on them, as long as
you've got more to it and it's better now, I
think people will want it. I think also there's
this understanding that those guys are on the
come up and they're putting it all together.
And I think there's a certain amount of times
you do it where you got to eventually leave.
I say that, but then there's William Montgomery,
who does it every fucking week. And William's
got this style that even if his jokes suck. It's
funny because they suck. Because he gets angry.
He gets angry at himself. He gets angry at the
crowd. And then it gets funny. Bro, have you
been seeing Brian Holtzman lately? No, no, no.
Oh, my God. He's the sweetest guy, by the way.
He's the best guy. Shout out Brian, man. He is
so different than his onstage monster, the onstage
Brian Holtzman. a name in a different thing.
There's a different human that comes out when
he's on stage. You would think that he's a complete
psychopath in real life. And he's just the kindest,
sweetest guy. He's wonderful. I love him to death.
He's all hugs and joy and smiles and he's always
helping people to a detriment. One of the things
about his show is we've had to stop some of the
people that he allows open for him because it's
people that haven't done comedy in forever and
still know him. You think I could do a set? Sure!
Come on by! And they eat dick for 10 minutes
and the crowd gets tortured. So Adam had to put
the brakes on that. But he himself is on fire.
Shane and I were crying laughing watching his
set last night. I mean crying laughing. Shane's
so funny. He had the aux cord last night at Bitsy's.
And I didn't know who was putting on the music
because it was just this random collection of
music. And then this Fetty Wap song comes. on
right and I want you to be mine again baby and
I look over at the bar and I just see him kind
of mouthing it I want you to be mine this motherfucker
got the aux That's hilarious. He was locked in,
bro. Yeah, we all have good Green Room soundtracks.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's a big thing. I don't think
anybody would guess your Green Room music. Like,
if they walked into your Green Room and they
heard the music playing, there's nobody that
would go, oh, yeah, Joe picked this song. Maybe.
It might be one or two songs that pop up. 90s,
like, deep cut rap. Yeah. Like, deep, like, KRS
-One or something. Right, right, right. Coogee
rap in the brand new heavies. Yeah. I remember
the first time I came down here and it was like
blasting. And I was like, yo, who the fuck? I'm
looking around like nobody's old enough to even
know Cool G rap in this green room. And I just
see you like popping. Getting ready to fucking
go on. Yeah, man. Death Threat with Brand New
Heavy is my favorite before I go on stage song.
That's interesting. I don't know. Oh, man. You
don't know that song? No, I don't think so. Oh,
my God. So the brand new heavies. And I found
out about this song. I teared up when I was talking
about Mitzi earlier. Oh, wow. I'm still a little
teary. What were you thinking? Oh, just her.
What was it? Just her saying, you know, all the
inmates running the asylum. It just makes me
cry. Why? Because that lady was, like, all the
shit that I do at the club. Like I learned how
to do it from her. Yeah, like you learn how to
like facilitate comedy like to help comedy grow
I learned it all from her. Yeah, all of it. It's
kind of cool how people exist through us You
know like obviously she's passed but that's why
the bars name Mitzi Yeah, but the effects live
on I wouldn't name the whole club Mitzi's if
I didn't want to get sued by the family But no
they let me actually use the name for the bar.
Yeah, but And we have a picture of Mitzi in the
bar, too. What was your guy's relationship like?
Well, I mean, she was still lucid when I met
her. I met her in 94, and she was super supportive.
She just knew what to do, man. She knew how to
set you up. And if she liked you, she would put
you on after murderers. Yeah. I had to follow
Martin Lawrence in the main room for like fucking
weeks and weeks at a time. If Martin Lawrence
was going to headline, I was going to go on after
him. What is the year? 94, 95. Okay, so. You
got to understand, Martin Lawrence, people forgot
Martin Lawrence. Let me tell you right now, go
watch You So Crazy. Martin Lawrence. Go watch
Def Comedy Jam. The greatest host of Def Comedy
Jam ever. But his performances when it's his
hour, his timing, his energy. Infectious. Oh,
he was so good. He was so good. And I used to
eat shit. going on after him every night. And
Mitzi, no matter who was there, Dice Clay, Rogan,
you're on after Dice. It's like, whoever the
fuck it is, I'm going on after him. She just
knew how to throw you to the wolves, man. She
knew how to, like, show you that your act is
bullshit. There's a couple guys, like, Atel did
that for me in New York. Like, I would close
the late show at the Cellar, and Atel would go
up, and then I would go up after him. And, like,
that shit will turn you into a man. It'll humble
you. It'll humble you. You just realize when
somebody's operating on like every single cylinder
firing and you get up after it and you're like,
oh, wow, I'm missing something. He has something
that I don't have and I need to find that shit.
When you're going up in like the cushy spot second
or third and you're killing, you think you're
the funniest in the world. And then when you
follow somebody that like levels the room and
the whole room is kind of unsure if he's just
like inventing these things in the moment, if
these are bits, like they just get caught up
in this like tornado of creativity. And you've
got to follow it. And that shit, following him,
following Mike Britt, following Greer, like following
these guys that are just like masters. Yeah,
it just turns you into a man. That's why I started
taking Joey on the road with me because I couldn't
follow him. Really? Yeah. Yeah, you love hard
shit. You fucking love making your life difficult.
It's not even making your life difficult. It's
realizing you're not as good as you're ever going
to get at this. You have to get better. How do
you get better? You have to be challenged. How
do you get challenged? Know that you're going
to follow Joey Diaz every night, three nights
in a row, two shows on Friday, two shows on Saturday.
I feel like this is something that... There's
a lot of importance to this. I don't know if
comedians are doing this all the time, but your
openers that you take on the road with you, they
should really be pressing you. They should set
the tone of the show, and they're going to set
the expectation of the show. I think sometimes
people want to save the day. That's weak. That's
that same bitch -ass feeling like, I hope the
guy after me bombs. Yeah. bitch ass feeling yeah
I want the audience to have a great fucking time
yeah so I want everybody to kill I love when
I get the message like or like tagged in a post
on Instagram and it was like all three of them
were fucking great yes and also like I understand
what it means probably for them. Cause I've been
in maybe that situation where you're like, holy
shit. Like, yeah, they're bringing me up with
the show. Right. And they're in a tougher spot
than me. You know, Derek going up hosting, people
are walking into an arena. Yep. So to kill that
route, to like command attention while people
are walking down an aisle. Derek's a perfect
guy for something like that. Cause he's got so
much energy and he's so good at fucking around.
And just creating an energy of fun. And Mark
too is just fucking like crushing and like seeing
them. go up there and like really lay in. Yeah.
Like hearing it before I go up. Yeah. Like that's,
that's a fun thing. Like I'll be locked in my
room, but then when I come out like a few minutes
before and just hearing them light up. Yeah.
Yeah. You got to take strong guys, man. Yeah.
And it's, the people have the weird fear of being
eclipsed. That's the thing. It's fear being eclipsed
by your opening act. You'll get better. Get better.
You're good. Just get better. You're headlining.
You're clearly good at this, and it's going to
make you better when these guys bust your fucking
ass sometimes. Yeah, maybe you're not working
as hard as you should be working. Maybe you're
not at your best. And nothing will make you work
hard than being embarrassed. Right. Also, I don't
know how you operate, but for me. I'm funnier
if I'm having fun. So if I'm hanging out with
Ari and Duncan and Joey and we're all doing a
show together, we are laughing our fucking ass
off. And that comes out on stage and you're loose
and you're ready to get goofy. And I'm laughing
at Joey before I even go on stage. I'm sitting
there laughing at his act before I get up there.
So I go up there, I'm already in a great fucking
mood. And the audience feels like they didn't
get robbed. You didn't throw some scrub up there
for 20 minutes just to fill time so you could
look like a superhero. Yeah, it's like they're
paying money, man. I keep thinking about that.
All these people that come out to a show, it's
not just the ticket price. Right. It's the babysitter.
It's everything. It's the Uber. It's the dinner.
This is an expensive fucking night for them.
And they're looking forward to it. You might
only get one date night a week, especially if
you have family. Bro, I was in not Seattle. What's
the other one? In Washington. It's not Tacoma.
Something more inland. I forget if there's a
comedy club out there. Spokane? Spokane. This
was years ago, and I did a show, and like a couple
came up afterwards, and they were like, this
is our first night out in eight years. Whoa.
And I think about that every single time before
I go on stage. That's a good thing to think about.
That's a good thing to think about. Yeah. Like
those people that are like really, but you don't
take things for granted anyway. Some people get
a little sloppy. You get a little loose and you
take things for granted. No, man. We were talking
about that on stage or in the green room the
other night. Woody was backstage like, you guys
get nervous? I'm like, I get nervous for every
show. If I don't get nervous, I don't do as good.
I get nervous. I get nervous for everything important.
Yeah. And every show's important. Yeah. Like,
it's not important, like, my life depends on
it, but it's important to me. It's important
to the audience. Like, I want to do it right.
So I want to figure out what I'm working on.
I want to sit up. I'm like, I got to be loose
with this because this thing's still in development.
So let's fuck around with that a little bit,
but we're going to bring it back with this. And
I'm going over my phone. I'm sitting back there
before I go up there. I'm ready. Yeah, you can.
If you don't do that, I don't think you achieve
what you're trying to achieve. Yeah, I feel like
sometimes. People, like, I don't know if they
pretend to not care or maybe, like, they think
not caring is cool. Yeah, that's what it is.
Caring is cool. Like, I really care and I work
really hard and I think that you should work
really hard. I want to make really great stuff
I'm proud of and I don't want to just be like,
oh, it's fucking gay to care. It's like, no,
it's not gay to care. It's not gay to, like,
have people come out and spend a lot of money
and then you just fucking flop on stage and don't
give a fuck. Right. It's cool to, like, try to
give them the best possible show. Yeah. That's
cool. That's cool. It's just a thing because
you do care, so you try to pretend you don't
because the cooler people don't care. The cooler
people just bomb. I remember I watched Bill Hicks
bomb once, and I was so goddamn impressed. I
was so impressed. First of all, he was very funny,
but the stuff that he was talking about was so
out there. He went on. There was this comedian,
very nice guy. Who went on before Bill Hicks?
Yeah His thing was comic on a Harley. That was
his name like his thing Larry something comic
on a Harley nice guy funny guy Yeah, but he did
like a lot of stuff about like Bugs Bunny smoking
weed like real simple stuff like but it was like
made people laugh cops and Donuts like like cliche
shit, but good like and killed and like just
good enough for this blue -collar crowd at Nick's
comedy stop. Yeah And then Bill Hicks goes on
stage, and he's smoking a cigarette, and he's
talking about, I came here to fill you up with
ideas you couldn't possibly imagine on your own.
How did the Boston crowd take that? Oh, they
didn't take it good at all. He didn't just bomb.
He cleared the room. And he was doing this bit
where Satan... has sex with John Davidson, who
is the host of That's Incredible. Satan is fucking
John Davidson and then impregnates him and then
he shits out. I forget who he shits out. Different
people at different times. But he's sitting on
a toilet on stage, pretending he's sitting on
a toilet, grunting. And then he looks up in the
middle. People are getting up in droves. This
generally clears a room. It gets right back to
it. But, I mean, never lost his timing. Right.
Never lost his composure. And it wasn't that
it wasn't funny. It was me and Fitzsimmons were
in the back of the room. Me and Fitzsimmons were.
You knew Greg from back in Boston? Greg and I
started a week apart from each other. Get out
of here. We've been friends since we were like,
I was 21. I think he was 22 or 23. Yeah. Yeah,
we've been friends from the very, very beginning.
Wow. So Greg and I were both open micers at the
time and we just knew that Hicks was coming We
wanted to watch and we sat in the back of the
room. We were fucking crying Crying laughing
so there was like 50 people left 10 comics 40
savages They just thought this guy was genius.
Yeah, and then the other 200 plus people they
all left 200 is crazy to leave bro. It was a
it was a bloodbath like half the crowd More than
half the crowd left. Yeah. No, it was like three
quarters of the crowd. That's a large percentage.
It was a large percentage. It wasn't much left.
But Fitzsimmons and I fondly talk about that
day. Like he never lost his cool. He almost like
he I don't know when he knew he had pancreatic
cancer because he died a few years later. But
he kind of seemed like a guy that whatever the
fear of bombing and whatever. This thing of failure,
that wasn't on his mind. It didn't bother him.
When you have limited time, that's not... I wonder
if that's what it was. I don't know if he knew
already, but he was so calm up there. Yeah. You
know? But funny. very funny but just he changed
the way people wanted to do comedy because everybody
after that wanted to be profound yes nobody wanted
to be profound before that yeah they just want
to get big laughs yeah then all sudden everybody
wanted to be profound yeah you know it was interesting
like he became like this poet yeah you know you
see trends like that pop up oh yeah stylistically
people are so influential that like it changes
the way people do their comedy and it's tricky
because like You can only be great at the thing
you do. That's how I feel, at least, about it.
If you are profound, then profound comedy is
popular, then you will be really good at it.
But if you're a silly goose... Right. It's not
worth trying to be profound. Right, right, right.
Because you being silly is going to be the best
version of you, and the people will appreciate
that the most. Also, you can't trick people.
They know. Even if they're not aware of it, they
know. They know something's off. Yeah. Something's
off. That's the honesty in it. Yeah. There's
brutal honesty in it. Sometimes they'll even
laugh, but they know that you're lying. Yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? Yeah. They know that
it's not real. It exists for maybe 10, 15 minutes,
but I think it kind of gets exposed once you
get into those hour -long sets. It can, for sure.
You've got to be who you are. Right, yeah. And
it has to gel together with you. You have to
be into what you're doing. If you're not into
what you're doing, you can't say the same words
with the same inflection without the same mindset.
If your mindset is off, they fucking know, man.
It doesn't matter what your timing is. They know,
they know you're not locked in. So they're not
locked in. Like, how come you didn't bring me
in? You know? Yeah. Like when someone's killing,
like last night when Holtzman was killing and
me and Shane were laughing, we were locked into
whatever this psychopath was talking about. He
was talking about drowning people. I was like,
he's so out of his fucking mind. It was so funny.
Yeah. It was so funny. But you give them that.
You let them take your mind for a ride. If it's
real to them. I think that's the thing about
Joey that I've always admired is like. It's pure.
It's authentic. You can kind of get away with
whatever you want if it's pure. Yeah. And when
we know you're faking and you're doing something
that makes me feel uncomfortable, now I'm double
uncomfortable. Right. I can be uncomfortable
if it's real to you. Yeah. I can sustain that.
You might be talking about some shit that makes
me feel a little weird, but it's real to you,
so I go, okay, I'm going to rock with you on
this. This is a pure version of your art. But,
yeah, you don't want to lie to people, man. Yeah,
also if you do it, then you're stuck. Now that's
how you do art. You lie to people. So you're
always trying to concoct some new fucking weird
version of yourself. What's going to sell more?
You're a pop music star now? Yeah. That's what
you're like. You like doing pop music comedy.
But there are people that get attached to what
works. Yeah. And then they can't run away. They're
scared to run away. And I kind of have empathy
for it because it's like you probably struggle
for so long. You find something that works and
you're like, okay, finally I'm able to make some
money. Finally I'm able to have some security.
But you've got to keep growing past it. I think
generally those people are self -obsessed too.
In a bad way where they thinking about themselves
and success rather than the thing they're doing.
Yeah Like what is the thing I'm doing? Yeah,
the thing I'm doing it. I'm trying to create
something. That's good. That works I'm trying
to make it the best version of whatever fuck
it is. Yeah, so how do I do that? You can't be
thinking about yourself and do that. That's why
thieves can't write Yeah, because the the my
mentality being a thief is I want that idea for
myself Yeah, it's not like I want to create you're
not addicted to creating right which is like
The coolest part about this, we get to create
whatever the fuck we want. And if you get to
a point, like luckily, where you get a couple
bucks in the bank, those creations should be
even more specific to you. Yeah. Because you're
not doing it so you can buy another house, right?
You're doing it because you truly spent 20 years
of your life trying to get good at something.
And then you can create whatever the fuck you
want. And also those new things, those new things
that pop out, they feel like gifts from the universe.
Like a new bit that's a banger. It's like, where
did this come from? This came from the universe.
That shit exists before you. That's what I always
try to say. Comedy is there, and then we stumble.
You've got to find it. Yes. You've got to find
it. You're not making it. And when you're making
it, it feels too contrived. But the comedy exists.
Bro, I've got to pee so bad. Let's do a little
pee. Let's pause. Pause real quick. We'll be
right back and pee. Are we back in? Yeah, we're
back, dog. We're back. Yeah. Comedy's great.
Comedy's the best job on earth for us. It really
is. For us, you know? I was trying to talk Woody
into doing it last night. I mean... Because he
was thinking about it. Because apparently he
had... I said, I will 100 % help you. He goes,
would you really? I go, 100%. I go, if you want
to do comedy, I'll get you time. I'll work with
you on material. I'll get guys to help you. I'll
work with you. You could totally do it. If you
could do that monologue on SNL, you could do
stand -up. Yeah. You could do stand -up. Brave
for that monologue. Yeah. Brave guy. Yeah. Because
he has a lot to lose, perception -wise. Maybe
he doesn't care. But that's where bravery comes
in. When you've got nothing to lose, it's like,
yeah, you can kind of say whatever the fuck you
want. It doesn't really matter. He's kind of
grandfathered in. Oh, really? He's Woody Harrelson.
But you don't think it could affect him at all?
Yeah, it could, but I don't think anymore. I
think the world's kind of woken up the fact that,
first of all, he's accurate. Like, you really
can't attack what he's saying. Yeah, yeah. You
know? So, like, you don't think he should be
saying it? Yeah. Okay, well, that's kind of debatable.
Yeah. And that's on you. Yeah. I think you can
say whatever the fuck he wants in that regard.
Yeah. You know? Yeah. Because it's like, at this
point, it's like, who doesn't? think he's accurate
yeah like you're in denial if you don't think
he's accurate this is a problem that democrats
have right now what's that is that the trump
administration what they're uncovering with doge
like all this waste and fraud and abuse whatever
whatever you want to categorize it as and i'm
sure there's a bunch of things that fall into
different categories yeah but um the the democrats
aren't acknowledging that it's a problem at all
They're not saying when you find this building
in San Antonio that they spent $2 billion on
and it's completely empty and it's getting, you
know, a million dollars a month or whatever the
fuck it's getting. And where's that money going?
Yeah. The tricky thing about this Doge thing
is, like, I don't think there's any American
out there that is supportive of waste. fraud
and corruption, it should be a bipartisan issue,
right? Right. Like it's a very easy thing to
get on board with. Right. And this is where I
feel like, I feel like Elon's being a little
antagonistic. I have a lot of respect for Elon,
don't get me wrong, but like it's becoming easier
to be a bipartisan issue in the way that it's
communicated. Whereas like having that like political
decorum. Like having that ability to pull everybody
into this thing might be a little bit more effective
on an issue that we can all get behind. There's
no American that wants waste, fraud and corruption.
I hate that this is becoming bipartisan. It drives
me fucking crazy because on the surface, nobody
wants the waste. Right. Like both Democrats should
be. This shouldn't be. They shouldn't be booing
or whatever the fuck was happening at that like
hearing last night, even hearing he was like
addressing the Senate. Right. This shouldn't
be union. It should be everybody going. Hey,
we agree this is fucked up. This is happening
in some of our regions or whatever it is, like
where you're responsible for those constituents.
What's that called? If you're a congressman,
your district. We need to be better about this.
We need to fix this. We got to take this on the
chin and we agree. And it could be this great
revolution in America that could really support
everybody. And it's become this fucking bipartisan
issue. And I understand there's like a lot of
currency and like making the opposition look
radioactive. I get that. But this is where you
wish that there was, like, some sort of masterful
communication version of this instead of a little
bit more of, like, this, like, putting the knife
in and twisting it a little. Yeah, no, I agree.
I agree on both sides. I think people are really
foolish spending all their time just attacking
the ideas of the other party instead of promoting
really good ideas of your own. Amen. the thing
about this whole doge thing is it's such a lightning
rod and one of the reasons why it's such a lightning
rod is because these politicians are being pressured
to try to keep a lot of the spending because
a lot of the spending is It's all shenanigans.
It's moving around to thousands of different
NGOs. You're talking about billions and billions
and billions of dollars that were going somewhere.
So people were profiting. People had jobs, and
they want to keep all those jobs. They want to
keep that money flowing, even the bullshit money,
as much as they can. So there's fucking court
orders, and there's lawsuits. The Supreme Court
just stopped a $1 .9 billion freeze on something.
There's something that just came up. It was today.
So there's like legal battles about all this
stuff. You're going to have a lot of confusion
in that regard. But I think it's important. One
of the things they're doing is they're highlighting
the ridiculous things. Like they're highlighting
the $250 million on transgender animal studies.
$4 .7 trillion that they can't account for. The
way that he was saying it. Did you watch it?
I mean, it's hilarious. Oh, you got to watch
him talk about it. I'm sure it's amazing and
I will. I will watch. I was busy last night.
But it's like there's also a way to really clearly
express to people that there's legitimate use
for aid. And this isn't really USAID. It's United
States Agency for International Development.
If you're worried about foreign aid, I fully,
completely agree. We should spend money in third
world countries building wells. We should spend
money trying to get food to poor people. And
that's not what this program is designed to do.
Right, that's not what this is about. And if
it's about, like... This is exercising self -power.
Healthcare for people and providing free clinics
for people in impoverished areas. Yeah, we should
spend on that. But also, that's not where this
money's going. A lot of this is regime overthrowing
money. This is regime change money. A lot of
this is money that's being propped up. They're
sending money to the Taliban every fucking week.
This is crazy. You have to understand what this
really is. So what we have to do, I think, as
Americans is... Look, you got a president. He's
your president, whether you like it or not. That's
your president for four years. Let's hope he
does a great job. Wouldn't you want him to do
the great job? He's the captain of the ship and
I want to hit the rocks. Yeah. Let's hope he
gets us into a beautiful harbor. Absolutely.
So together, that doesn't mean the Democrats
can't win in four years, but you can't win doing
this. You can't win all saying this shit ain't
right. And then all of you say the exact same
thing. Well, now I know who's on the take. Now
I know who's got the script. Now I know who doesn't
have a fucking mind of their own. You have to
read the script that whatever corporate daddy
filed onto your desk. It's think tank policy.
they need a real leader and those real leaders
are all pussy hounds and they're all gonna that's
the problem they all got skeletons yeah it's
gotta come from outside yeah I wonder like or
they gotta be a guy like Trump who could take
the hits that's and And keep on trucking. You
need to have a very strong constitution to do
that. I don't understand his constitution. What
do you mean? You go through the same shit. Yeah,
but his is beyond. They shot him, dude. Yeah,
they haven't shot you yet. Not only did they
shoot him. Yet. You perform inside. That's the
problem. That's part of the problem. Yeah. But
not only did they shoot him. But people forgot
about it in two weeks. Yeah. And to this day.
Moving right along. He didn't get shot enough.
To this day. Like people were talking about his
ear. They're like, oh, but it doesn't look that
shot. And it's like. There's so many people that
think that he rigged it, that he did it on purpose,
that he staged it. Yeah, he staged a bullet coming.
Nicking his ear. Like they don't understand accuracy.
Come on. Especially with iron sights. You know,
he didn't even have a scope on the rifle. So...
Do you know what iron sights are? Okay. So, like,
say if you have a pistol. Yeah. At the back of
the pistol, where the handle is, there's these...
Oh, the little thing that you're supposed to
look through, yeah. And then there's a little
post at the front, and you line the two of them
up like that. Yeah. And he's shooting 140 yards
with iron sights. Yeah. You can't just nick someone's
ear. You'll hit their fucking head. You'll blow
their brains out accidentally. How much do you
have to account for gravity at that distance?
You don't. That's really short. That's a short
distance. That's why you can put the post on
it. If you wanted to go long distance, then you
would want a scope. You want a high -powered
scope, and you would also use ballistic software.
So ballistic software is like you would apply,
like there's like a watch that has it built in
actually, the Garmin Tactics X, Tactics 8 rather.
Shout out Garmin. You would take this ballistic
software. You calculate the distance. So you
would use a range finder, which he had, by the
way. He had a fucking range. He was walking around
with a range finder before. They saw him with
a range finder. They didn't even arrest him.
Somebody let him on that roof. They fucking gave
him that gun. That's what I think. The range
finder would say, oh, 500 yards. So then you
would set your sight for 500 yards. And then
it adjusts accordingly when you're looking. Yeah,
yeah. That makes sense. your application with
some scopes, you can actually sync up your scope
with your app. So it'll put the reticle, it'll
put the crosshairs exactly where you need to
aim. For the bullet to drop. Exactly. Exactly.
That makes sense. So the reticle, the X would
move up and down. Accordingly, yeah. Exactly.
But at that distance, you're saying that there
isn't too much. No, there's no. And he's also
elevated. It's a straight shot. I mean, maybe
a very slight drop because it's only like a millisecond
before it hits him. It's a very slight drop at
that. But when you get to, like, significant
distances, like 400 yards, 500 yards, it's a
factor. Yeah. Like, you hold high. What does
that mean, hold high? So if you're zeroed, say
if I'm shooting a deer and my rifle's zeroed
at 100 yards, that means at 100 yards it shoots
exactly where that crosshairs is. But the deer
is 300 yards, I'll hold it at the top of his
back. because you know it's going to come down.
I know it's going to drop. This is with bows
or this is with bows? No, this is with a rifle.
And then with bows, I imagine it's even more.
With bows, you have to be very, very sure because
there's so much drop. There's so much drop. Yeah.
Yeah, there's so much drop. I have... a rangefinder.
It's not just a rangefinder. It's called a full
draw. It's a loophole full draw 5. And what it
does is it doesn't just put the reticle and tell
me the exact distance. It says I'm not aiming
with this. This is just giving me the distance.
But it also shows me a line where the peak of
the arrow height is. Because the arrow arcs,
right? What I'm doing is I'm shooting through
trees sometimes. Like, I'm trying to shoot an
animal, and I'm shooting through a gap in the
trees. So you have to make sure that on the drop,
it passes through that gap in the tree. Exactly.
Exactly. Exactly. Like, there's a video of me
hunting with Cam. We were hunting in Utah. And
it was for Under Armour, back when he was with
Under Armour. And I had to shoot this elk. through
trees i shot it through like it's a video you
can see the arrow go right through this hole.
It's probably one of the most beautiful shots
I've ever made. And I made it on camera because
I was kind of freaking out. I got to have a hunt
on camera? Like hunting is a big thing for a
celebrity to be doing. You're hunting, but you're
also going to hunt on camera and you're going
to hunt on camera with a bow and arrow. So I
was like super locked in. And it was just, it
was perfect. It was just magical how that arrow
went right through this gap. Just thread the
needle and whop. Right in the heart. It was perfect.
It was a perfect shot. Like, exactly where you're
wrong. Right behind the shoulder, right up here.
It was like double lungs and the top of the heart.
Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. And then you got to carry that
bitch. Yeah, well, you got to chop it up first.
You're not carrying it. It's too big. That's
the thing that, like, I never accounted for.
I was watching, I don't know if it was some video
you posted or maybe it was Cam. But, like, I
always thought about the hunting part. Like,
okay, let's find it. Let's track it. Let's shoot
it. But I never thought about getting home with
all the meat. Oh, yeah, man. That seems so brutal.
It's very hard. And what we do is way easier
than what some guys do. Some guys do. public
land solo backpack elk hunting so they're throwing
the shit in the backpack they have a pack so
they'll take like a pack like uh Great Pack is
like XO Mountain Gear. It's a great company that
makes packs. And they have different frames based
on your height. It's all made so you can carry
a lot of weight on your body. A lot of it sits
on your hips. And it's all like engineered. Oh,
it displaces the weight so you're not just getting
dragged on. It's genius. Pull up like XO Mountain
Gear backpacks. They have specific packs that
are designed so you can carry 100 pounds on your
back. Right. Like, as comfortably as you can.
But it's fucking brutal. So these guys might...
Hike in. No bullshit. Miles, right? So that's
what it looks like. So see all these packs? Get
the picture of those guys when they have it on
their back, Jamie, the one above that? Yeah,
that one right there. So that's what it would
look like for two dudes who are carrying their
whole camp on their back. So they probably have
their tent in there. They have their sleeping
bag in there. They have food in there for a week.
You've got freeze -dried food, generally speaking.
There's a bunch of different meals, like mountain
ops. Not mountain ops. There's a bunch of different
companies. So this is a guy carrying an elk quarter
on his back. That motherfucker probably has 100
pounds on his back right now because he has his
bag and his pack, which is probably 50 pounds,
and then he has a giant -ass elk leg on his back.
All right, so is there ever a distance that they
deem too far because walking back with the elk,
it wouldn't be worth it? So, like, I imagine
you're tracking for a while. It's not like you
just walk in and there are all the elks, right?
You have to find them. Yeah. But you can get
lucky and find them a couple of miles in, and
that's pretty nice. But is there a point where
you go, I'm not going more than five because
five back carrying the elk would be too difficult?
Yeah, some guys do that. But some guys are hard
fucking core. They'll kill an elk 25 miles in
and spend three days bringing it back. And now
you have elk carcass. Mm -hmm. You have all the
other animals that also like to dine on elk.
You got to string it up in a tree. You string
it up in a tree. Got it. So getting it, it's
like, oh, what is that? Old Man and the Sea?
Is that the book? Where he finally hunts and
gets this big fish, but he's got to bring it
back. And by the time he brings it back, it's
just like a skeleton. Nobody believes he got
this amazing big fish. But you don't ever think
about the journey back. Yeah. That seems almost
more stressful. Well, the best way to do it,
the backcountry, if you have the money, is horse.
They have horses take you back there. And the
horses will pack, or mules. Yeah, so you can
pack them up. Yeah, they'll keep your camp on
their back. And you'll have several, like a train
of them. And then you can load them up with elk
quarters and take them back. And for them, it
ain't shit. It's thousands of pounds, right?
Well, it's not really. How much is an elk? It's
about 400 pounds of meat. Oh, because you're
leaving the bones and everything. You're leaving
a lot. So you skin it, you cut it up. Yeah, yeah,
yeah. But you've got to take some of the bones.
You want a rib, right? You could have the ribs.
Most guys cut the rib meat out of the ribs and
you grind it and make hamburger or chili out
of it or things like that. Yeah. Yeah. Cam, he
makes strips and then chops those strips up.
There's a lot of different things you could do
with rib meat. It's pretty tender. It's good.
It's real good when you cook them slow over a
fire, though. It's not the most tender meat.
When you cook them over a fire, it can get pretty
tough unless you do it real low and slow, like
smoking it almost like you would do a barbecue.
But it makes great hamburger. But like the real,
what everybody really loves is like the back
strap. That's like essentially that would be
like the fillet. The fillet, right. The tenderloin.
And then the quarters. You make great steaks
and you can make. What do these guys do when
they age out of this? Like hunting? Yeah. You
try not to. Keep working out. But, like, an NBA
player eventually reaches the end of his professional
playing ability. He might play in a gym. But,
like, what does a Cam do at, like, 75? He'll
still be bow hunting at 75. Hunt a different
thing? No. No, he'll be doing the same thing.
There's physical limitations, I imagine. There
are, but not as much anymore. Not with, like,
hormone replacement and weightlifting. Got it,
got it. You know, like, guys like me didn't exist.
30 years ago, like 57 year old Jack dudes. Yeah.
They didn't exist. Yeah. By the time you get
57, all that shit's gone. Yeah. And all that
shit goes away. I still have 30 year old arms.
They're still legit. They were, they were real
good. Everything works real good. But you have
to maintain yourself, take care of yourself.
And if there's something like that that you care
about, like I have a friend, Brendan Burns, he
runs Kuyu. It's like a huge outdoor clothing
company. He's a hardcore bow hunter, one of the
best bow hunters in the world. Was a big -time
college wrestler, like a great athlete. Won't
even try jiu -jitsu because he doesn't want to
hurt himself for hunting. Yes, everything is
built around hunting. He's like, I'm not skiing.
I'm not fucking around. Fuck that. I feel like
that's my whole workout regimen is just so I
could play this sport called paddle. It's not
pickleball. It's called paddle. What is this?
It's a racket sport that I'm absolutely obsessed
with. I swear to God. It started in Acapulco,
Mexico, and then it goes to Spain, and it gets
blown up there, and it's essentially like squash
and tennis mixed together. So there's walls.
There's this glass wall in the back and these
fences on the side. Have you heard of this, Jamie?
Yeah, I've played with them. Yeah, we played.
I dragged him out. Bro, it is the most obsessed.
It's the fastest growing sport in the world right
now. It will take over tennis. Are you a spokesperson
for Paddle? Is that what's going on here? I probably
am the only person that is talking about it at
this level. This is me. This is shout out Paddle
House in New York. They got one in Williamsburg
and one in Brooklyn. And this is the game? This
is the game. I'm so bad. And you play with tennis
balls? So you play with a deflated tennis ball.
So essentially what it is, you got to show highlights
because I'm so fucking horrible that it's not
going to do it justice. But the idea behind it
is, at least for me, is there's always hope.
So the ball gets past you in tennis, you're cooked.
The ball gets past you in paddle, it bounces
off that back wall and you're playing it off
the back wall. So you're never fully out of the
game. And you're constantly, it is the only thing
outside of like surfing and boxing and then comedy
where I'm not, look at this. What? That guy went
out the door. Oh, you're allowed to leave and
go get it. Yeah, I mean, it's just... Dude, I
was down in Miami. There's a thing called the
Reserve Cup. Shout out Reserve. How do I not
know about this? This is the... I'm telling you,
this will extend my life by, God bless, 10, 20
years. Really? Also, you've got to watch the
chicks play because they don't have the power
to smack it out, so it's just pure skill and...
And cleverness? Yeah, exactly. And placement?
Everything is placement. It's delicate placement.
So what they're trying to do is, I'm telling
you, it's unbelievable. And everybody that's
playing tennis and squash and all these other
racquet sports is starting to convert to this.
Really? Tennis? Everybody from tennis is coming
over. Now I'm talking about professionals. I'm
talking about people that played in college or
whatever. Really? And now they're starting to
come over to this. Miami, they're obsessed. In
Europe, they're completely obsessed. You go to
Sweden, there's thousands. Like all, like Cristiano
Ronaldo and all the soccer guys are all playing
it. They own the facilities. How the fuck am
I just finding out about this for the first time?
You guys got one here. What's it called? They
just built one? Paddle Club Austin or something.
Something like that. But it's just, it is, I'm
upset. Oh, it's just never ending. Dude, I take
lessons. This guy just ran outside the arena.
Yeah. That is crazy. But the fact that there's
hope, the fact is like, it's not just brute strength.
There's that little guy that was playing on the
right right there, Chingoto. This guy's like
five foot three. And he's so skilled. And since
it's not, he's not in this court. But that guy,
Tapia, is the best in the world. You know all
the players? I'm obsessed with this in the way
that you're obsessed with jujitsu. I can't believe
I'm just finding out about this right now. I
got to play with some of these guys. Really?
And they toy with me. Like, they'll just bring
me up to the net on drop shots and then bring
me back to the end. And I'm just running around
like a little bitch. But it's like, these guys
to me are like Michael Jordan or like LeBron
James. Like, I get like giddy around them. I'm
so excited. And like, I'm telling you, I... I'm
taking lessons once a week. Shout out my boy
Lucho in New York, the best fucking instructor
on the planet right now. He works at Paddle House.
He's incredible. Wow. You're taking lessons.
I'm playing three or four times a week. What?
Yeah. My whole workout regimen is built around
making sure that my shoulder is okay so I can
play. Entire dedication to this. The only thing
I've been obsessed with this about is stand -up
comedy. Wow. It's the only thing. And I have
no racquet sport background. I never played tennis
growing up. I grew up in the city. I went to
public school. It does look fun. Dude, it's...
I just can't believe you can run outside. It's
just... That's so crazy that you run outside.
The point isn't over. You know what I mean? There's
always hope. And that's the beauty of... You're
a really competitive person. When you play against
someone who's got more strength than you, even
when I would box and shit like that, somebody
who was just bad... Eventually, if they can connect,
it's over. And even in this, in power, you can
mitigate their power. You can move them around
the court. There are guys that are way better
than me at tennis, squash, and all these other
things. But strategically in this game, if you
don't hit it out, I got a chance. Wow. You should
do commentary. Dude, I was telling the guys.
I literally told the guys. Dude, I was telling
Wayne, who owns Reserve, man. Shout out, Wayne.
And I was like, I know you have your guys doing
it, but like, dude. I am obsessed with this like
Joe is with the UFC and MMA. You don't need to
pay me. I just want to talk about the sport.
I want to build this fucking thing up. How do
we build this thing up? Wow. I literally thought
about you. I've never seen you like this before.
Bro, I get excited. Dude, it drives my wife crazy.
I go to fucking brunch on a Sunday, and me and
my boy Jason are just talking about our paddle
games this week. Oh, no. Dude, my boy Jason just
hit me up, and he's like, listen, I know you
got the special and everything going on, but
my calf is feeling better, so we got a game Wednesday.
And I'm like, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm ready.
That's crazy. It's just the coolest thing. Wow.
I know you don't fuck with team sports, but this
is. It looks fun. It definitely looks fun. It's
great. It's great. Yeah. Jamie's a little sneaky
athlete. Oh, Jamie's a good basketball player.
But even tennis, too. You see Jamie sink threes.
Yeah, he's sneaky. We had a little fun. You see
him play golf. He's a motherfucker with the drive.
He's got that simulator in the back. Oh, in your
house? What's the furthest? Right here. Right
here. We have it in the garage. What's the furthest
you ever whacked one of those on that? I don't
know. Far. 300 yards. Whatever. Oh, wow. You're
like a legit. Dude, his swing is legit. You should
have seen Brian Callen trying to swing after
Jamie. It was comical because I'm behind him
talking mad shit. I'm like, you ain't gonna beat
Jamie, bitch. Bro, the joy that must have come
to you watching Jamie smoke Callen. Oh, it was
so much fun. It was so much fun. Anyway, yeah,
I'm so obsessed with it. That's incredible. Even
now, just the idea that Paddle has spoken about
on the Rogan podcast is just crazy. How about
you told me about it? I never even knew it was
a thing. If someone brought it up to me, I'd
be like, that's bullshit. That's not real. Dude,
it is real. And these guys are starting to make
money now. The top guys are starting to make
a decent amount of money. That looks like ESPN
for sure. Oh, look, I had Kamaru there. Oh! Doesn't
Kamaru have really fucked up knees? Don't ruin
his knees, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean... But
he played pickleball because he's down there
in Miami. His knees are so fucked up. Yeah, it's
tricky. I hope that if stem cell technology advances,
if the FDA finally allows people to have the
same kind of stem cells in America that they
do in Colombia and Mexico. Norway or Sweden?
Where's the other place that they do it? I don't
know. If you want to get some bougies, if you
want the white stem cells. I mean, it's like
Norway that they're harvesting them. Well, the
places that I know of are the big one is the
CPI in Tijuana. That's one of the best in the
world. And that place is they have a partnership
with the UFC. They send a lot of the athletes.
Oh, really? And there's another place in Colombia,
Bio Accelerator. There's an island in the Caribbean
that they do it, too, that they like bring a
they bring the they like fly in the medical office
essentially for the week or two week periods.
Oh, OK. Yeah. And then they have like stem cells
that have been harvested in some place. And my
neighbor did that. So I forget which island it
is. Well, there's Panama, too. Neil Reardon,
Dr. Neil Reardon, he's written so many books
and papers on the benefits of stem cells. Have
you done the stem cells? I've done a shitload
of them, yeah. And what is the immediate impact?
Oh, it heals soft tissue way better than anything
else that I've ever used before. So like what,
for example, what injury did you have that you
felt? The biggest one I've talked about before,
I apologize if you've heard this before, people,
I had a rotator cuff tear, a full -length rotator
cuff tear, and went to a doctor, went to the
UFC's doctor. They sent me to an orthopedic surgeon.
He looks at my MRI. You can't believe I can do
anything. He says, I can't believe you can do
anything with this shoulder. You have a full
-length rotator cuff tear. But he does all the
stuff with me, like push down, push up. And he
goes, you're pretty functional. He goes, I think
it's probably because you have a lot of muscle
around the joint. But you're going to need surgery.
He goes, you could try to rehab it, but you're
going to need surgery. I go, really going to
need surgery? He goes, yeah. I go, am I ruining
my shoulder by not having surgery? He's like,
potentially. He's like, try your best rehab.
Put it off as much as you want, but you're going
to need surgery. So then I go to Dr. Roddy McGee
in Vegas. And this was years ago. He's doing
stem cells with the UFC athletes. He's a bunch
of different people. He's like, well, we could
try it. And I think the stem cells I got them
actually aren't even available anymore because
they were too good. So they inject it in my shoulder.
And then after a couple of weeks, it feels pretty
fucking good. And then I rehab it. I'm doing
like bands and all sorts of different stuff.
I get it to the point where it starts feeling
good. I start light, like light kettlebells,
feeling pretty good. I go back to him six months
later. He does an MRI. He says, this is the most
astounding thing I've ever seen in all my years
of being an orthopedic surgeon. He goes, that
tear is gone. Like he just wrote this full length
rotator cuff tear that was going to need surgery
doesn't exist anymore. Like when I say like my
shoulder is better, I mean, it doesn't bother
me at all. Like at all. I do everything. I hit
the bag. I do kettlebells with 70 pounds. I do
swings and curls and cleans and presses. Zero
pain. Not a one thing like, man, maybe I shouldn't
be doing this. It feels 100 % normal. And all
stem cells. Like, I could have got cut with a
sling. And then you're done. Didn't do any of
that. I have a shoulder, a little bit of a shoulder
issue, actually. I'm curious if the stem cells...
100%. I'll bring you to Ways to Well. It's in
Austin. Listen, man, they've healed so many people
that I'm friends with. So many guys that I know.
Like, minimal scapular movement, I think that
was the issue. So I was making up for the fact
that my scapula doesn't move that much with just
stretching out the muscles around it. Does that
make sense? So, like, I guess that... The scapula
is this bone here? The scapula is the one that
kind of, like, hangs off. Yeah, and, like, that's
supposed to move up with your arm when you extend
it. And it was staying there, but I was still
moving my arm. So I'm stretching all, I guess,
the muscles or tendons or whatever. What had
happened to your scapula that made it freeze
like that? I don't know. I was told that I might
have, like, a small tear in the rotator cuff.
Do you hang? Do you ever hang from your hands?
I mean, I do, like, pull -ups as part of, like,
my... you know, exercise routine when I'm doing
any other body. Pull -ups are great exercise,
but hanging is great for shoulder health. So
what I do every day for at least a minute, usually
more, I usually do like a couple of sets of hangs
before I do anything. I'll do my warm -ups with
like push -ups and bodyweight squats, and then
what I do is I chalk up my hands, and I grab
a hold of the bar, and I just hang. And I just
try, and I feel my back popping, like it decompresses
your back. Because your spine, like the weight
of your hips and your legs is pulling on your
spine for the first time. Normally, life is pushing
down on you. Gravity, the weight of your body
is pushing down. Wow, and now you're using gravity
to pull it all out. Yes. So I do that. I hang
that way. And then I also do that dex. We have
a machine out there. Teeter, the company that
makes those things where you hang by your ankles.
Yeah, I've seen it. They have a great one. It's
called the Dex. I like it better than the ankle
one where you hinge at the hips and you fall
forward. And then you just – it's basically like
your lower body and your hips are carrying –
like locking your weight in place and you're
leaning forward. So the full weight of your upper
body is decompressing your back. And I'll feel
it going like pop, pop, pop. I'll feel like little
pops in my back and I stretch it and I move on
that. thing and it's all just about keeping the
the spine pliable and keeping the range of motion
in your spine but also in your shoulder joints
yeah it's one of the best things for shoulder
joints is to just hang and i'll hang with one
arm sometimes i'll hang with both arms yeah but
i'm just like letting it all stretch out so it
stretches all your your the mobility of your
shoulders and Create space in there. It allows
everything to move freer. And then I'll do my
chin -ups. So I do my sets of chin -ups, dips,
pull -ups. So that's your stretch, essentially.
Yes. Okay, maybe I have to add that in. Yeah.
I also stretch on a bar where I grab the bar
and I turn like this and I get it like that.
And I get like a deep stretch that way and I
get a deep stretch the other way. I'll do that
on my back on the ground. You should also do
these things called crossover symmetry. is these
bands and they have varying uh resistance like
different colors or different strength resistance
you don't even need a lot of resistance the whole
idea is just you're working the tendons and all
the connective tissue and it's just doing all
these like different shoulder exercises and so
they cross like one is attached to a post over
here and the other one's here so i'm doing these
and i'm doing these and i'm doing i'm pinning
them against my arm and i'm doing it like that
where i'm just working the rotator cuff muscles
and just Just to keep everything... You're creating
the torque on the joint. Yeah. Whereas when you're
lifting weights, you can kind of manipulate what
part of your body is lifting. You can, and that's
how you get injured sometimes too. Yeah, I got
to do the... Because that's my biggest concern
right now, to bring it back to your friend. Is
paddle. How do I play? That's so... Like everything
I do, I do PT twice a week. Shout out my boy,
Mike Helgeson. He's fucking great. You do PT
twice a week? Yeah. It's like I'm lifting, but
I'm with a guy who is a PT. So if there is an
issue, we can. Oh, I see. I see. But he'll just
take me through weightlifting if I'm feeling
good. And if I'm not, then we're doing some work.
Have you been able to increase the mobility of
your scapula? Yes. And my shoulder was fucked
before and he brought it back. Him and this guy,
Kyle, were like, don't do surgery. They were
like, once you do surgery, you're fucked. And
so let's try to work this thing out by building
muscle around it, getting mobility into the joint
and like. They brought the shoulder back. This
was before I ever played battle. Let me say one
thing real quick. That's not always true. I know
a lot of people that have had successful shoulder
surgery. And in some cases, that's the only thing
you can do. To save yourself. Yeah. There's like
Yuri Prohaska, the UFC former light heavyweight
champion. His shoulder was blown apart. They
had to put it back together again. They had to.
And incredibly effective. Yeah. Damn. That Jamal
Hill fight? Unbelievable. Holy shit. Unbelievable.
Holy shit. Yeah. So for a situation like that,
shoulder surgery. This shit was torn apart. You
can't just heal that with stem cells. But there
are things you can heal with stem cells. And
it definitely helps soft tissue injuries in a
way like nothing else I've ever used. It's legit.
And Brigham Bueller, who's the CEO of Waste Well,
he's worked so hard on edge. He's been on this
podcast a bunch of times and Tucker's podcast,
a bunch of podcasts, just talking about all these
different methods that are available that are
being stifled. by the FDA. And that's the thing.
It's like once you get something that you're
addicted to, longevity exercise or regimens or
whatever it is are very easy to do. Because you're
not really doing them so you can live to 100.
You're like, how do I play this thing next week?
Right. And all the motivation comes from it.
It's really simple. Like, I actually can't wait
to go do the PT, whatever it is, because I'm
like, okay, I have a game Wednesday and I want
to be good to play. It sounds ridiculous. I'm
41. I'm not going pro at this thing. But I love
it so much that I would literally, I'm looking
up the fucking BPC 157. I'm like, do I need to
put, yeah, the Wolverine shit that they say,
right? And it's like, do I get that? so I can
recover faster. Yeah, get that. Have you tried
that? It's legit. Super legit. I recommended
it to a buddy with no research. I was like, you
should do this. And then a couple weeks later,
he's like, I'm on it. And I was like, did you
look up it? I'm not a doctor or anything. But
he said he did it for his, he got an ACL surgery
and his doctor, he asked about it and his doctor
goes, I take it. Well, that's a good doctor because
I've had friends where I tell them about their
doctors. Oh, you shouldn't do that. There's no
studies. That's the thing. I feel like there's
like old guard guys. They're a little bit hesitant
to use some of the maybe newer technology. And
I'm sure they have their reasons. I don't know
more than them about the science. But there are
these new technologies that can maybe extend
our playing age. Again, I don't need to be a
pro, but I love. this thing and i want to do
it as much as i can i want to get as good as
i possibly can yeah it feels good to be getting
better at something at this age well let me tell
you something there's a reason why usada uh didn't
let people use in the ufc and now drug free sport
also doesn't let people use in the ufc it's because
it works Wait a minute. Why would they not? Wouldn't
wouldn't it be advantageous for the athletes?
Exactly. It's really stupid. But the idea is
that it's performance enhancing because it lets
you heal quicker. So heal from injuries quicker,
potentially heal from recovering from training
quicker. And what would their argument? I mean,
the only argument I've heard is like it increases.
Well, the idea is like keep everybody on a completely
level playing field. How do you do that? No one's
able to take anything. You can't take any performance
-enhancing substances. Or make it accessible
to all athletes that are in the UFC. Well, I
think that's the right way to do it. But the
problem is that, okay, what peptides are we talking
about? What about things like HCG, which radically
increase testosterone production? Are you allowed
to do that? Okay, because if you're allowed to
do that, what level is that steroid? Only recovery.
I think any recovery drug. Obviously, there's
risks to all this. You increase cell growth,
and if you have cancer, God forbid, in your body,
those cells are going to grow as well, right?
There's an argument for that, but I think the
real argument is what's causing cancer, right?
The real argument is eliminating environmental
toxins and the issues. Also, there's people that
have genetic predispositions to cancer, unfortunately.
But the real reality about cancer is, unfortunately,
what you take into your body has a significant
effect. Your diet has a significant effect. Exercise
has a significant effect. And also, do you participate
in any recovery activities like sauna, which
is huge. They did a study out of Finland. Again,
I apologize if you've heard this before. It was
a 20 -year study. They found people who use sauna
for four days a week had a 40 % decrease in all
-cause mortality. All -cause, meaning heart attack,
stroke, cancer, you name it. Yeah. 40 % decrease
just because of the effects of sauna. How did
they test that? What is the term? The something
group? Well, this is what they did. They did
this randomized control trial. So they did this
study where they took these people and sauna
use in Finland is everywhere. Everybody uses
a sauna. did it based on these questionnaires.
Do you do the sauna once a week? Do you sauna
twice a week? What temperature do you do the
sauna, and how long do you do it for? And they
determined that the people that did the sauna
four times a week for 20 minutes at 175 degrees
had a 40 % decrease in all -cause mortality.
Now, when you drop the number of sessions, you
also drop the all -cause mortality survival.
Got it. So it's like 20 % at... once a week,
30%. So it's like that. Measurable differences
in the amount of people that were healthy and
robust who did it four times a week. Yeah. I
mean, that's interesting because the easiest
way to discredit would be like, well, yeah, the
people that do saunas want to increase their
life. But what you're saying is there's an increased
amount of assistance if you do it more. The benefits
are legitimate, real, measurable. It's hermetic
stress. It's heat shock proteins your body produces
to deal with the fact that you're essentially
dying. You can't stay. I do it at 196. You can't
stay there very long. I do 25 minutes at 196.
Have you ever passed out in it? No. Okay. Is
that a thing people do? I don't know. Get out
the smelling salts. I stay awake. No, you could,
though. Yeah, I mean, if you are the type of
person who passes out, you've got issues. Yeah.
Yeah. Some people pass out just from stress.
Yeah. I watched a kid black out the other night
at one of these school things that my kid had
to go to. Really? Some boy fainted on stage.
Wow. Yeah. Sometimes people just, sometimes they
just, your brain goes, too much. Check, please.
I've seen like, not passed out, but like I was
having like breathing issues. I didn't understand
what the fuck it was. And, like, my wife and
I were trying to get pregnant. It was, like,
really difficult because my sperm sucks. And
I would have, like, I guess it was stress -related.
I didn't know what the fuck it was. Like, I went
to a doctor and I was like, I feel like I can't
catch my breath. And I started doing these, like,
it's like a Navy SEAL breathing technique or
whatever. Box breathing? Box breathing, yeah.
And I would try to do that. I mean, it was so
weird. It wouldn't affect me on stage because...
Once I'm on stage, I'm like locked into the performance.
And that's how I knew it was all psychological.
But like when I was off stage, there were times
where I'd be at the cellar and I'd have to leave
the cellar and there's this little park on 6th
Avenue that's like not even really a park, but
there's like benches. And I would just sit there
and I would just fucking box breathe by myself
trying to get a full breath. And I'd go to this
doctor and I was like, what the fuck is it? And
it was a stress -induced asphyxiation or something
like that. Wow. And I was just so like... What
was so stressful to you at that moment? We couldn't
get pregnant. I found out my sperm sucked. Oh,
so it was that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See, that's
where HCG comes in, actually, because that's
one of those peptides that actually increases
your sperm production. Yeah, well, my sperm wasn't
swimming. That was the issue. Got to get those
bitches in the pool. Cold punch. That helps,
too. That's supposed to be good for your nuts.
Bro, I hit up Huberman. Heat's the worst, apparently.
Well, they said heat and cold. I hit up Huberman,
and I was like, yeah, what should I do? And he's
like, all right, take these pills. And then the
doctors even tell me they're like, take these
pills, and then also - You got lazy jizz, bro.
Dude, I got the laziest fucking jizz, bro. No,
you just wait for it. I go, I got to take the
pills. They're like, don't drink. I'm like, okay,
I'm not going to drink. They're like, don't smoke.
Okay, I'm not going to smoke. They go, wear baggy
underwear. And they're like, ice your balls once
a day. Holla. So I do that for a month. I go
get, or two months, I go get my sperm tested
again. It got worse. Really? Yeah. And they're
like, we haven't even fucking seen this. And
yeah, so we had to do IVF and everything. That's
what the special is about. It's just the story
of us trying to get pregnant. There was a study,
I think it was out of Japan. And what they were
doing was they were getting people to cold plunge
before exercise. So you cold plunge for three
minutes, and then you exercise, and you force
your body to heat up while you're working out.
Massive increase in testosterone. Interesting.
To the point where this one guy, he got his prostate
levels checked, and his doctor was like, this
is... this is concerning yeah like uh we want
to do this we want to do that we want to put
you on this and put you on that and the guy says
you know there's this this is an article that's
available online this one guy tried this he goes
okay well let me find out what's available online
yeah so he he finds out cold plunging does it
yeah and then So this is the thing. Japanese
cold -plunge study, often referenced, discussed
about immersing the wrist in cold water before
exercise significantly increased testosterone
levels in young Japanese men compared to immersing
it after exercise, which suppressed testosterone
levels, highlighting the importance of timing
when using cold stimulation for potential hormonal
benefits. So what this guy did was he plunged,
not just the wrist, and then went to the doctor
months later, and the doctor thought he was on
hormones. The doctor's like, you have 1 ,100
testosterone. This is crazy. Like, what's going
on? And he tells them, I've been cold plunging
before I lift weights. And the doctor's like,
well, keep fucking doing that. Doing that, yeah.
And so I do that now. Really? Yeah, I know a
lot of people that do that now. This is how they
start their workout. My workout starts with a
cold plunge. So my issue wasn't even the T. They
were like, yeah, your T levels are good. It's
just the swimmers. It was the swimmers. And then
they were like shaped weird. Like, I mean, it's
just like, bro. Yeah, it was, bro. No, dude,
it was, I mean, it was too funny. I told the
guy, I mean, this is, I don't even do this in
the special, but like I, they were like, the
shape is a little off or whatever. And I was,
you're so defensive. I go, well, maybe when they
hit the cup. So hard. I'm still trying to like,
I got an ego about it. I'm like, bro, you should
have seen the way they fucking, it's a car crash
over here. It's coming in at 400 PSI. But it
was crazy. Once we got pregnant, it went away.
And it was like, immediately went away. I could
breathe again. And it wasn't this feeling that
I couldn't breathe. It was about catching a full
breath. Or, you know, when you're like running
and at the end of your, you're doing like a hard
cardio intensive exercise, this idea, like you
can't get to a hundred percent in your lungs.
And I never had experience in my life. Like I
can, I can work pretty hard. Like I feel like
maybe that's a competitive advantage of mine.
Like I might not be the most skilled in certain
things, but like I can, I can go, I have a good
motor. I can fucking push it. And it was the
first time in my life where like a psychological
issue. affected my body physically i didn't even
know that that was possible and uh i know that
that's having a lot of people i know that got
canceled people that got canceled where they
were just overwhelmed where they didn't couldn't
breathe and they didn't think that they could
make it they were like i can't do this oh because
they were going through that they were going
through it like in the heart of it yeah like
you got to call up check up on them yeah make
sure they're okay i remember tony when i i remember
the fork in the road i remember what the The
curve I was driving on when I was talking on
the phone to Tony when he was going through his
first one. And he's like, this is not good, man.
I'm not doing good. And I'm like, fuck, man.
And that was the moment where I was like, please
don't kill yourself. Oh, wow. You're going to
get better. You're going to be fine. I didn't
say that. But that's what you're thinking. That's
what I was thinking. I remember being in my car
going, ooh. Like, hearing him on the phone. We
were on speakerphone. I was like, fuck, man.
Well, yeah, you dedicate your entire life to
one thing. But it's also, it's just like feeling
like it's over. Everything's over. Your career's
over. Your life is over, as you know. One stupid
thing, and now it's over forever. And just the...
You can't breathe. Yeah. You can't breathe. Yeah.
I get it. And, you know, Tony's tough. He's resilient.
Yeah. He got through it pretty quick and he was
back and then, you know, a couple weeks later
he was laughing about it. Yeah. But some people,
you know, they get wrecked and they're not the
same ever again. I think that does happen to
people. And then there's a different version
of them afterwards. Yeah. Because they don't
want to experience that again. It is weird. Like,
I'm not as affected by... that kind of stuff
now maybe i haven't gone through on that level
but and i also think there's something about
having a kid like i just care less about the
like i care very the very few people i care what
they think about me it's like really liberating
in a lot of ways you know right but um but yeah
there was something about like like are we not
gonna be able to get pregnant and then like feeling
You feel horrible. I also you start like going
Why would God not want me to have a kid like
did I do something bad? Like you start thinking
like if there's some sort of karmic reason for
that shit Also before I knew it was me. I don't
want to share with anybody It's really isolating
because I thought it was my wife like everybody
always thinks it's the woman who's got a fucking
problem with their eggs or whatever and That's
such a bitch -ass dude thing. No, that's what
we think, because we don't know it could be us.
When did you ever, like, every time I looked
at my sperm, it was fire. It's such an arrogant
male thing. It couldn't be me. It can't be me.
Look at the amount of fucking jizz I'm producing.
Yeah, I'm killing it, right? Killing it. Literally.
And then you think about it, and I will say this,
though, like, finding out that it was me. And
being able to, I felt more comfortable talking
about it on stage because now I'm not talking
about this incredibly embarrassing thing to this
woman who does not want to be in entertainment
at all, like the most private person. About me,
I was like, oh, I can talk about this a little
bit. And being able to talk about it on stage,
and I would talk about it on stage, and there
would be these dudes that would come up to me
after shows, and they wouldn't admit they were
going through it, but they'd be like, yo, that
was really funny, bro. Like, yeah, you should
keep talking about that shit. And then... I would
like talk about on tour and I get these fucking
DMs and like all these people would start telling
me that they're going through IVF and like even
close friends start to be like yo actually that's
how we got pregnant and I didn't realize it was
this this like almost like last taboo thing where
there's this incredible isolation because you
don't want to feel the judgment there's all this
pressure and obviously you have a family you
don't feel like you're the person that's like
stopping that but I didn't realize. And I'm 40.
So a lot of older people are probably going through
this. Maybe young people are not. But like everybody
in my immediate circle going through this shit.
Let me ask you this. Like, first of all, when
did IVF become available to people? And how many
people a year do you think use IVF? And if they
didn't, how many less people would there be on
Earth? Brother, brother, brother. This is like
there were three things when I talked to Trump
that I wanted to ask him about specifically.
And one of them was securing IVF, because I know
a lot of people who are against abortion also
look at IVF and like, OK, you're throwing out
embryos, you're killing people or potential people,
and they want to use the anti -abortion argument
to get rid of IVF. Really? Is that a thing? Yeah,
of course. It's happening now. And what Trump
said on the pod— Who's trying to ban that? I
guess we could look that up. I think that it
was in – there's a few states that it was happening
in. That seems insane. Yeah. Why would you not
want more people? Well, they look at it as killing
people because life starts at conception and
the embryo is essentially conception, which I
understand your logic. I don't disagree with
the logic behind that. But at the same time,
that is the way that – the only way some people
can get pregnant. I will give it a Senate Republicans
block IVF bills. Democrats elevate issue ahead
of November election. But what I'll say is Trump
said that. they're going to back it with the
full power of the Republican Party and that anybody
that goes against it, that they would campaign
against. And then he even signed that executive
order to expand it. He wants to expand access
to it. Oh, that's great. Which is fucking, yeah,
it's incredible. Well, for people that want to
be parents, man, I know quite a few people like
yourself, they want to be parents so bad, and
that gave them the ability, and now they're so
happy. And it's the most incredible thing in
the world. Yeah, and if they don't do that, guess
what? There's no babies. No babies. It's like
more life will occur if you allow this. Also,
we've got to deal with the downstream. I'm sure
some of this shit is probably it might me. It
just might be genetic. I don't fucking know.
But maybe it's microplastics all in my balls.
Maybe it's my phone. Like there's a lot of things
that are not in our control that are negatively
impacting us. And then to restrict our ability
to have a family. Sure. I feel like it's kind
of unfair. You like bestowed this thing upon
me. It has affected our ability or some woman's
ability. I wonder if it's like more prevalent
the issue or the necessity of it with people
that live in cities. Oh, dude. Every time a car
breaks. Yeah. The amount of microplastics that
go into the world are way more than using like
a plastic bottle to drink out of. Yeah, brake
dust. Yeah. Yeah, it's particulates. Absolutely.
That's the shit that you wipe off your wheels
when you clean your car? No, never. That stuff's
in the air. You never washed your car? Nope.
Jesus Christ. Yeah. I mean, I didn't have a car
until like a year ago. What do you got now? Got
anything good? No, nothing. Well, I got a fun
one. I got a Suzuki Samurai. It's the coolest
fucking car on the planet. Those are fun. They're
so cool. That's a good car to park in the city,
too. You don't give a fuck what happens to that
thing. Well, I got it out in the Hamptons. What
year is it? It's 87. That's such a piece of shit.
Oh, it's a piece of shit, but it is like... It's
also just so fun. I'm not trying to compete with
you on having a fancy car or whatever like that.
I just love how fucking rugged. I don't care.
You got some dough. I'm going to turn you on
to some fucking fun rides. You know the good
shit. Yeah, you got to learn the appreciation
of cars. I got my face. Yeah, there it is. Oh,
there are the boys. Look at that thing. Look
at the boys. That thing's fun. Oh, yeah. Look
at these guys. What a cute little car. Isn't
it adorable? I wouldn't take that thing around
the block. But wait, you're saying you wouldn't
get in that car with six guys? Yeah, I'd go with
you guys. Shouldn't that be on the cover of every
gay magazine? It should be. Like, if you take
this pill, this is what you'll have. You'll have
fun with your friends on the beach with a Suzuki
Samurai. It's so much fun. And they're reliable
as fuck. That's the thing about them. Every Japanese
car is reliable. Yes. They're the best. That's
the thing about Japanese culture is that it's
refinement culture. I feel like there's this
Japanese DJ I saw. His name is Yosuke Yukimatsu.
Okay? He had brain cancer, and then he thought
he was going to die, so he was like, fucking,
I'm going to be a DJ with the time I got left,
and it went into remission, but he basically
quit his construction job. He just did this boiler
room set, and it is just like, I could be putting
this energy on it because I want to believe it
or whatever, but the intensity of it is, this
is my shot, and I'm going to be unrelenting,
right? The second I saw that he's Japanese, maybe
this is my, like, this is the guy. Look at him
go. But can you, like, can you imagine? Look
at this motherfucker. A Japanese person being
a DJ? Before I even listened to the set, I was
like, oh, this is going to be the best set I've
ever heard. Because they would never put themselves
out there. And do it half -assed. Like every
30 -year -old model in America is like, I'll
be a DJ now. But in Japan, the culture is so
like, don't bring shame upon your family. Don't
bring attention to yourself unless you are the
greatest. Do you know the term kaizen? Do you
know what that means? No, what is that? Kaizen
is a Japanese term for taking a thing and continuing
to refine it until it reaches perfection. Japanese,
first of all, supercars were always Italian.
It was always German, Porsche, Ferrari, that
kind of shit. And then Nissan created a car that
destroyed everybody. What was it? The GTR. So
the Nissan GTR, they've essentially been making
the same exact car, just refining it for like
20 years. I have a 2024 Nissan GTR Nismo, which
is their race package one, which is the most
refined version of the GTR they've ever... And
it's a fucking marvel of engineering and refinement.
Yeah. That fucking car is magical. Yeah. It's
just glued to the road. You ever seen one? No,
show me. Pull up a black Nissan 2024 GTR Nismo.
But culturally, they can't put out shit. It's
shameful to put out shit. Right. And I feel like
they're almost done refining their culture, and
now they're tapping into other things. That's
what it looks like. Oh, wow. It looks like a—
It's a spaceship. What's the— That's not—that's
a Nismo 300. That's mine. That's my car right
there. What is that? Nissan Z—was it a Z300 or
something like that? This came out when I was
in college. Yeah, 300Z. Yeah, 340Z. There's a
bunch of those. But that's the GT -R. Yeah. That
thing, it's just—it's just— It's just you're
on a ride. You're riding a ride everywhere. It
whirs and clinks and clunks. Yeah. It's so fun.
That's a different one. That's a 300Z, a 370Z.
That's pretty sick too, though. That looks good.
But there's like a whole culture of taking these
things. Like there's guys that make these things.
They jack them up to 2 ,000 horsepower, and they
spit fire out of the back of them. But they do
that with pizza. Like the best pizza I've ever
had, and I'm from New York City, is in Tokyo.
Really? The best pizza you've ever had. The best
pizza I've ever had is in Tokyo. I forget the
name of the place. Wow. But my wife and I were
in Tokyo. But it was the best steak I've ever
had is in Tokyo. Really? And it's something about
doing something half -assed, I think, is shameful.
And there's this great honor in this refinement
process. Now, there is a social cost to that.
There's a rigidity, meaning like... Here's a
perfect example. The oldest hotel in the world,
I think, is this hotel in Japan. It started in
703, the year 703. Whoa. Oh, I've seen that.
Yeah. And it's been owned by the same family
for 52 generations. Right. Which is an unbelievable
feat when you think about American families or
British families that have gotten rich, and then
three generations, they've squandered it all.
Really successful families. It's all been destroyed.
And there is this thing in, I think, Japanese
culture, which is like there's this great honor
in taking on the tradition of your family. The
cost of that is there was probably a comedian
or a chef or somebody in that line that didn't
do the thing that they really were passionate
about to honor their family. But the societal
benefit is probably the majority of people don't
have those dreams. And having purpose in this
job is probably better for them. I think there's
a middle ground where you can still go dream
and do these things. But also we have some respect
for being a cobbler when your dad was a cobbler
and his dad was a cobbler. I feel like we've
lost that a little bit in like American dream
culture, which like if you don't go out and achieve
your craziest dream. Well, some people don't
have that dream. But taking over their dad's
business is something that they can feel good
about and honor instead of like. Oh, yeah, so
I just took over the family business. Well, doing
a good job at anything, there's a lot of value
in that for everybody. If you love making shoes
and you become a cobbler and you make awesome
shoes and you got, like, Andrew shows up, bro,
those shoes are sick. I love them. I want another
pair. Could you make them in crocodile? Yeah.
Oh, let's go. Yeah. Yeah, it's exciting. Like,
making things and having relationships with the
people you sell them to, that's super rewarding.
We do. chase that big dream over in america and
make it seem like everybody has to have it but
the dream of making cabinets that are awesome
is a pretty fucking cool beautiful yeah the dream
of being a painter is a pretty cool dream like
there's there's a lot of dreams that don't get
the value added to them because of fame like
we we have this weird thing about fame above
all in this country fame above all like moms
being a mom isn't really valued like oh yeah
it's a real I think it's a real problem. And
it's not all places. I'm sure there are places
that are more family -oriented where being a
mom is an honored, respected thing. A lot out
here, man. I love that. In New York, it's not
that. Right, nor is it in L .A. In L .A., a lot
of the moms have jobs, too. They have careers.
They don't want to abandon their career. They
might shame those moms that decide to stay home
and take care of their kids. Oh, yeah? Yeah,
I don't think that that's—it would be great if
there was less rigidity and there was a lot of
honor in that. And it was something we really
respected. Because I know in New York, even my
wife, like my wife is like, you know, she got
her fucking MBA. She was working for Apple on
AI projects. And then she goes, that's my dream
to be a mom. And I feel societal scrutiny about
it. But I don't fucking care because I want to
be a mom. You know who really gets the scrutiny?
Stay -at -home dads. That shit is gay. You're
trying to lip pull me, Joe. What the fuck? I
wanted to see where you were going with it. I
fed you one of them little racquetball balls.
The paddle. It's paddle. Paddle ball. Yeah, yeah.
I fed you one of those half -filled tennis balls,
and you fucking shoved it down my throat. But
yeah, that is the weird thing. It's like... I
know. As well as a male, you feel a real strong
pull to be a provider. We do. It feels very important.
Yeah. Really, as you become a father and you
raise children, it really gets instilled in you.
I always had a really good work ethic, but becoming
a father made me have a much stronger work ethic.
If I was a single man with no responsibilities,
who knows if I would work as hard? Who knows
if I would take days off? I would fuck off. My
friends are like, hey, let's go bow hunting in
Argentina. I'm like, yeah, I'll take the day
off. Fuck it. The biggest lie about having kids
is that you won't be able to provide for them.
I think a lot of people go, oh, I just need to
get my life ready to do it. It's like, oh, no,
no, no. That's going to put a battery in your
back like you wouldn't fucking believe. Hopefully.
It's very sad when it doesn't. Those people shouldn't
have kids. Yeah. I've met men where they just
keep doing the same thing even after they have
children. And you're like, oh, my God, dude,
you can't do this. Did they want to have them?
Who knows you know who knows what if people want
or if they think they want and then they have
and then they don't change You know Louis CK
said something really cool once to me. He's like
when you have children He's like you just kind
of let it change you hmm. Just let it change
you yeah Yeah, don't hold on to who you think
you are and what you think your identity is just
let it Let it transform you adjust Because everybody
adjusts. The mom adjusts. Now it's not your girlfriend
anymore. It's not your wife anymore. Now it's
a mother. She has a child. She made a human being
in her body. It's very vulnerable and she loves
it more than anything in this world. And it's
this crazy experience that if you don't have
and you're on the outside, you look at it as
like, oh, that responsibility. Oh, fuck that.
Oh, you're tied down. Oh, you got kids now. But
it's... It's another level of understanding what
life really is. Because it's this constant cycle
of new people entering into the world. And eventually
you will leave this world. And hopefully you
will leave this world better because you were
here. Amen. Yeah. That's true. Yeah, it's the
coolest thing that's ever happened to me. And
absolutely has transformed me. I was super excited
when you would become a dad. Man. Because I knew.
you're all in on everything you do. So you'd
be all in on being a dad too, which is so important.
It's just so important. It's so weird. You're
making a life, a human being comes into this
world that didn't exist before you and your wife
had sex. And now there's a human being that's
talking to you and you're teaching them stuff.
They learn things. You get to see them laugh
and giggle. You get to see them open up Christmas
presents and screech in excitement. Oh, my God.
All the happiness that you get from other things
just doesn't compare. Pales in comparison. Yeah,
it's a different happiness. It's a totally different
happiness. And it's also, it's like an understanding
of life itself. I have talked about this before,
but I changed the way I think about people. You
told me this. I think about everybody as a baby
now. Everybody's a baby that became a 60 -year
-old man with a big old wino nose, you know,
when they get those big crazy fucking gin blossom
faces. Yeah. Like priests. Yep. And, you know,
I realized like, oh, this is just, this is this
entity at this stage of its journey. It used
to be a baby. They used to be someone's cute
little baby boy with a little bow tie on. Everybody
thought it was so cute, took a picture of him.
Now here he is, bad breath and farting. Big old
pot belly, hating life, smoking Paul Malls. Yeah,
he had a lot of hope at one point. That was a
baby, yeah. And you have a lot of hope, but what
is the impediment to you achieving a fulfilled
life? And so many people don't even know where
to start or where to begin or what to do. which
way to go. And if you haven't been trusting your
instincts in your life and you haven't been taking
chances, then all of a sudden you have to take
one at like 35. It's hard, man. It's hard. That's
a muscle you build like endurance. You build
the muscle of being able to take chances and
do difficult things. You build that like all
other muscles, all other strengths and virtues
that you have. It's reinforced with use. Yeah,
every risk you take that is successful. you get
a little bit more confidence in taking those
risks. Also, you understand what's required to
make this venture successful. You'd have to look
at it correctly. You can't be delusional. You
have to be objective, and you have to do what
actually needs to be done. Yeah. And some people
don't like that responsibility. It's terrifying.
Yeah. And so they sabotage themselves. They sabotage
their life because it's easier to fail because
you're used to it. Yeah. So you fall right back
in and, oh, I'll pick myself back up again. But
right now, I'm on the heroin again for a little
bit. bit yeah that is the cool thing about well
yeah i mean failure is not an option once you
have a kid no you have to figure it out yeah
you have to figure it out also you want the world
to be a safer place because you have very vulnerable
little people yeah you relate it's uh you You
just become like a real human being. It's interesting
when I hear people that don't have kids kind
of complain about the world. And I'm like, oh,
you actually don't really understand how high
the stakes get. Right. Like, the way that I relate
to every bit of stimulus has completely changed.
It's heightened and reduced. The little frivolous
shit, I do not give a flying fuck about. Yeah.
Like, I really don't care. And then the big ticket
things, I care deeply about. You know, how could
they impact my kid? It's very easy for people
to, even with the vaccine shit, it's very easy
for people who don't have kids to tell you, oh,
just trust the doctors, whatever. The second
you have a kid, it is probably the most terrifying
thing you'll ever do in your entire life is injecting
something into the most perfect thing you've
ever created. And then every single day wondering
and seeing if she's still smiling and seeing
if she's still okay. And feeling responsible
if anything negative happens. And then if you
don't do it. feeling responsible if she got fucking
the measles or mumps or whatever the fuck it
is i have so much more empathy and it's something
that people just can't understand because they're
not put in that position right every new parent
that i talk to is concerned about this shit every
single one so it's like you have to have a little
empathy like you've created the most perfect
thing you've ever could ever imagine like nothing
comes as close to that and Every decision you
make could greatly impact that person's life.
So, yeah, we're going to be scared if we watch
a fucking video on the Internet that says this
thing is bad for them. Right. And don't call
us some fucking quacks. Just call us like parents
who care for our fucking kids. Well, the reason
there's a lot of people that want to cover up
for their own actions, like what they've done.
The people that want to say, like, all this is
exaggerated. There are no vaccine injuries. This
could have happened to my child. It probably
was going to happen anyway. It was going to happen
anyway. And you want to really believe that,
too. Of course you do, because you don't want
to feel like it's your responsibility. Also,
you don't want to believe that pharmaceutical
drug companies are willing to sell you things
that are going to harm your child. And they are.
They are. They always have been. They always
will be. They're publicly traded companies that
have a responsibility to their shareholders to
make as much money as possible. And the money
people are going to put. a bunch of shit through
that probably shouldn't go through. And they'll
tell you you need it. Like when they were vaccinating
kids with COVID, there was no reason to do that.
They knew there was no reason to do that, but
they wanted everybody to take it because that's
where the money is. And that's a scary thought
that we live in a world that there's people out
there that would literally sacrifice the health
of children for profit. But ultimately, that's
what they do. I mean, that's a thing that's been
done. It will continue to be done unless something
happens. Who are the people that do that? Why
are they not named? Look at the Sackler family.
Look at those people. So it's like we know one
name. We know the Sacklers. And we don't even
know their first name. Well, you might, but the
average person doesn't. I think that it would
be a lot different if these people's names were
public record. It would be a lot different if
they went to jail. That's the thing. They just
get fined. They'll get Mangione'd. Yeah. That
would happen. Right. That would happen immediately.
That's a new thing. That's a verb. They're going
to get that Luigi treatment immediately. It will
be that way. People don't fuck around with their
kids, man. It's a different... Luigi was wearing
loafers with his ankle handcuffs and he was in
a trial and he looked so beautiful. He's a handsome
guy. My wife and my daughters are like, he's
adorable. Look at him here. He's so beautiful.
He's so handsome. He's a handsome guy. Like a
supermodel. I think he did porn or maybe that
was just a headline that I saw. But whatever.
Isn't it crazy, though, that the assassin is
a good -looking guy and becomes a hero? Like,
if he was an ugly fat guy with a MAGA hat on,
everybody would want him dead. Look at him. Wow,
look at those brows. Beautiful. Well, he's wearing
a bulletproof vest, too. Isn't that wild? Yeah.
But he's got, like, a mental health problem.
Yeah. Apparently. And someone said that he took
acid and cracked. Yeah. I heard that. Who knows
how much of that? We'll find out when the trial
happens what the lore is. A broken clock is right
two times a day, though. It was real weird when
people were like, yeah, more of that, please.
To me, that's just desperation, and you get to
see it manifested. It's like if you're like a
really, really, really, really, really rich person
with power, you want to make sure the poorest
people have enough to survive. The second they
don't feel like they have hope and they don't
feel like they have enough to survive, they start
storming your estate. Well, especially when you
talk about health care because there's people
whose job is to deny people health care that
deserve it. Because that's how they save money,
which is – that's crazy to think of. But that's
– I mean, what is the alternative? Socialized
medicine? The problem with that is it doesn't
incentivize doctors to be the best. I want my
doctor to drive a fucking Porsche. I want my
doctor to have a 911 Turbo and a nice watch.
No, you're right, because you want the smartest
people to be the doctors. You don't want them
running hedge funds. There's a lot of probably
really smart people running hedge funds. I don't
want them doing that shit. I want them fixing
diseases. And if there's not enough money in
it, yeah, they're going to go to the hedge fund
shit, which is meaningless. So it's like it is
a tricky problem. How do you create a system
that incentivizes the most brilliant people to
be in positions where they help us all? But how
do you make sure that the nefarious actors are
not finding ways to squeeze probably the most
vulnerable? How do we eliminate nefarious actors
from the world or do we ever? You can't. You
can't. They're there and they will pop into these
positions. And I think they're there also to
help you appreciate non -nefarious people. Yeah,
like we wouldn't know good unless there is bad.
Yeah, that's real. That's a good perspective
to have on bad. That's the good and evil struggle
forever. That's the yin and the yang. That's
it all. It's like that's how the world moves
forward. That's how it advances. It protects
itself against evil. And then evil tries to find
ways through the fucking cracks. They develop
better antivirus software. It's a simulation.
A little bit, man. It might be. It's going to
be, so maybe it already is. And maybe it always
was. Maybe it always was. And if it's a simulation
once, it can be a simulation twice. So if we
can create the simulation and we were created
as a simulation, that means that... We could
be like the 20th version of it. And we're probably
about to create a way better one with AI. That's
probably what AI is. AI is probably the god of
the simulation. We probably lock that motherfucker
in, turn it on, then it figures out how to do
everything. Do you have any concern about AI?
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Elon said there's a 20 % chance
everything goes sideways, but an 80 % chance
it's an overall net good for humanity. But 20
% chance, like, we're fucked. That's a high number.
That's not a good number. I don't like that if
I'm playing Russian roulette and I got Ted Chambers
and I spin that bitch. I don't like there's two
bullets in there. Yeah. I don't like that. That
makes me nervous. But I also think you've got
a lot of really good, smart people trying to
make sure that at the very least the people here
invent it before the people in China, which I
think is probably important. Whoever launches
the god first is going to be in charge of a lot
of stuff. Yeah. It's going to get fucking very
strange, Andrew Schultz. It's already very strange,
but it's going to get even stranger. We'll be
here to enjoy it. Yes, sir. We'll be making fun
of it. My brother, it's always a good time to
sit with you. I love you, dog. Thank you. I love
you to death. You're the best. You are. Tell
everybody what's going on. Oh, Life is on Netflix
right now. Right now. So go check it out, man.
Yeah, go check it out. Also go check out Derek
Poston's. Look at that stash, son. Yeah. So I
think today we're number two. Maybe after this
we beat Kate Hudson. Kate Hudson got me, man.
What day does Darius come out? April 19th? April,
I think, 16th. 16th. Yeah, so make sure you check
that out. I've got to get him in here. Oh, yeah,
he's just the fuck. Bro, he was killing us last
night. He said that the greatest art ever created
is Harry Potter. And we go like... Better than,
he's like, he goes, yes, if it's the most consumed,
it's the best. And we're like, what about the
Bible? He goes, ain't nobody read that shit.
He goes, ain't nobody read that shit. He goes,
you might have read like part of it, but you
didn't read the whole Bible. He goes, nobody's
stopping at book three. He was cooking last night.
But yo, go check out his Don't Tell comedy. He's
very funny and a great person. Absolutely. All
right. I love you, brother. Love you, dog. Bye,
everybody.