Welcome to this curated educational transcript of the Joe Rogan Experience. In this session, we provide a deep-dive examination of the critical perspectives and historical dialogues presented in Episode #2458. Our mission is to offer a high-fidelity, searchable research resource for students of cultural history, emerging technology, and global discourse. This transcript has been specifically optimized for academic reference, linguistic study, and archival preservation regarding Comedy Podcasting Evolution, Independent Media Success, and Contemporary Satire Culture. Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out. The Joe Rogan
Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by
night, all day. A lot of people have lights on
their tables now to light up their face to make
them look more pretty. Really? Yeah, they have
like a slight, like an opening in the table and
then a light that gets on you so you don't see
like the shadows in your face. Looks shitty.
Isn't that what you do with a scary story? You
put a flashlight under your chin? Yeah, but they're
not trying to do that. They're trying to balance
it out so you look flat. That's crazy. You look
like what you look like. Yeah. You got to give
up after a while. The weirdest shit is men who
use filters when they take pictures. That's insane.
There's comedian men that use filters. Yes. It's
very odd. How do you know? How do you tell? You
know what they really look like. Yeah, duh. And
then you see them and they look like a cartoon.
Netflix does that with the pictures that they
use when they promote your special, like the
picture of you. They'll put that bitch through
a filter. That makes sense. You look so pretty.
If people see you after the show, you're like,
you look horrible. I didn't know you looked so
bad. You look so old. Thanks, man. I am so old.
I'm almost 60. Dang. I know. It's crazy. I'm
58. I'm 40. I just turned 40. Those are real
numbers. Yeah, I know. As soon as I had kids,
I aged like immediately. You would have thought
I literally gave birth. Yeah, well, it's the
lack of sleep. Yeah, that's what got me. Yeah.
You know what's really good for that? Creatine.
I've been taking it. Yeah, creatine, they say
20 grams a day. Start. Like with five and work
your way up to 20 and check to see how your butthole
holds up because the seal might be loose. I've
ran this experiment. 20 gets my guts going, man.
Bro, it does. It does. I don't do 20 in a dose.
I do 10 in the morning and 10 at night. Because
I was doing 20 in a dose and it was just like,
everybody out of the pool. I'm also not convinced
diarrhea is bad for you. I swear to God, like
not shitting for sure, but diarrhea is just like,
let's speed this up. Well, isn't that what, is
that consumption? What is the disease where you
can't stop having diarrhea? Dysentery. Dysentery,
that's it. Shit. All right, well, if you can't
stop having it, sure. Well, that's like you can't
digest food. It just goes right through you and
you just shit constantly. Yeah, you shit starve.
Yeah. That sucks, actually. Yeah, it's not good.
Once a week, though. That's fine. You know what
I used to do? I used to drink kale smoothies
in the morning. That was the first thing that
I would do. I would throw kale and garlic and
like apples and shit in a blender. And that's
what I would drink first thing in the morning.
And boy, that is just like, that clears the pathway.
That's like, you know when you clear your rain
gutters of leaves? Yeah. You get a hose on that
bitch and you just fucking blow him off the top.
That's what it's like. Yeah, I've done the green
drink before. It does get you. I was vegan for
like a month. And that was like the biggest dumps.
But I actually got hemorrhoids from being vegan.
Oh, because on the toilet too much? It was just
that the turds were so big. I was getting like
blown out. I got hemorrhoids from being vegan.
Was it taking too long to poop? No. Or were you
just like, it was just spectacular? It was just
massive. It was spectacular. There were massive
bull winders. It was like twice a day. I was
like an adult entertainer. I was like my body
just gave out. Adult entertainer. Well, when
you think about it, it's all that fiber that
your body doesn't process. But they say that
that's what's good for keeping you clean. The
fiber pushes everything out. I'm back on the
fiber train now. I was all about protein now.
I'm like, yeah, I need my fiber now. It's hard
to know who's right because the carnivore people
are like, you don't need fiber. There's no need
for fiber. But then there's like. There's evidence
that fiber is good for you. Yeah. Isn't that
what your whole microbiome needs to like make
the germs or whatever that are good for your
brain? I don't know. I get confused as well.
My balance is I eat a lot of kimchi. I really
like kimchi. That's a move. I eat that stuff
all the time. Kimchi and I eat sauerkraut. That
stuff's legit. Yeah. I know that stuff's supposed
to be good for you. But yeah, I tried the carnivore
and it was like – the first five days I felt
cool and then like after – I think I made it
to 17 days. I was like, dude, if I just ate some
vegetables with this, I'd be the healthiest guy
in the world. Because it was just like, I stopped
pooping. I was like, this can't be good for me.
Well, you don't poop much because there's no
fiber. So when you do poop, it's just boop. Yeah,
I remember. I remember just all the rabbit pellets.
And you're like, where's the rest? But, I mean,
isn't that a good thing? Doesn't it mean your
body absorbed all of the food instead of, like,
having all this undigestible stuff go through
your digestive tract? This is the argument that
the carnivore people make. I don't want anybody
that's a nutritionist right now pulling their
hair out. Disinformation! I'm just asking. It's
a solid question because it's like, yeah, does
food, does meat get stuck in your body and you
need plants to push it out? your butt or will
meat come out of your butt just like plants will?
Well, that was the thing that they would always
say, that every man when he dies has a pound
of undigested meat in his stomach. Apparently,
that's not true. Yeah, that was the old thing
about John Wayne. Like, John Wayne had 50 pounds
of beef jerky in his butthole. I've, like, thought
about that since I was a little boy. I've been
wondering, like, how much are they going to find
in me? Yeah, that's true. So it's not the case?
No, John Wayne just had a gut from probably beer.
Yeah. You know, beer and pasta and bread. True.
And, you know. normal American food. Also, he
was, I mean, when was, what was his heyday? Like
50s, 60s, or 60s, I guess, 60s, 70s maybe? When
did he do that Genghis Khan movie? That's what
killed him. What year was that? 50s, I think.
Yeah, because those dudes weren't on nutrition.
True grit. Those days, yeah. Dude, they weren't
being like, oh, how much fiber have I had? No.
Even in the 90s, the dude didn't think about
what they're eating. 56. 56? Wow. That's one
of the worst movies of all time. You ever see
it? No. This Genghis Khan movie? How did it kill
him? Oh, he filmed it in the same area where
Nevada was doing their nuclear tests. Oh. Everybody
got cancer. Damn. The whole crew, a giant number
of people. gut cancer yeah and that i'm telling
you that was back when guys would be like nuclear
bomb i don't care about like they didn't like
i used to work with guys that do asbestos back
in like the 90s when i was little me and like
my dad my uncle's all the construction so we
were like taking this barn down and i was like
a little boy just like hammering nails into an
a -frame and uh they shut it down because there
was asbestos in there and there's this guy who
was like dude your uncle's a pussy i'd eat that
shit for breakfast i don't care about asbestos
and it's like I don't know. Now I grew up, I'm
like, damn, thank God they shut that down. Well,
there were so many things that caused cancer
that no one knew about at the time. Yeah. Like,
how about baby powder? Yeah, dude, I didn't know
about that either. Well, the thing is, I think
what the story is, is that where they mine the
talc, that the talc is not always pure. And the
talc has other stuff mixed in it, and they don't
filter that stuff out. Is it asbestos that it's
mixed with? I thought that stuff was cornstarch.
Run that into perplexity, please. I thought it
was cornstarch. What? Baby powder. Baby powder?
No. So it's talc. No, it's talc, I believe. Evidence
of small but real cancer risk with some talc
-based baby powders, mainly due to genital use
and possible asbestos contamination. Yeah, that's
it. But the data are mixed, and the absolute
risk for any one person is low. Talc itself as
a mineral can be mined near asbestos, so contamination
is the main worry. Asbestos is a known cause
of mesothelioma and other cancers. Yeah, quite
a few women. I think there was a lawsuit. I remember
hearing that. I remember I was dismayed because
that was like, I had a weird thing when I was
younger. I used to use baby powder to masturbate.
Because it just makes everything feel so. So
it was kind of nice. And if I smell baby powder
to this day, it's like a trigger for me. Yeah.
If I smell it, I'm like, God damn, bro. Get that
shit away from me. Well, I used to use it a lot
to play pool. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Everybody would
use baby powder. You use baby powder on your
fingers. It makes the shaft slide through your
fingers. But then they invented gloves. And so
that keeps the table clean. Yeah, yeah. This
is like. I don't know what they're made out of.
It was like a nylon, like a very thin nylon.
So it's not getting caught up. Makes it nice
and slick. Yeah, but baby powder, no bueno. What
else? They're saying LED lights now. That's what
I keep hearing. LED. They're saying it kills
your mitochondria. Aren't these LED? Are these
LED? Fuck do we have to change our life? Are
we dying in here? I think they like crush your
mitochondria. Oh geez. I don't know if I just
get scared by a I clips on everything I have
to fucking stay offline. I know I I'm reading
too much of the news and it's overwhelming me
like sometimes at nighttime like I can't wind
down Yeah, this is like there's too much news
too much fucking madness. We're about to go to
war with Iran Everyone's eating beef jerky and
pizza. What the fuck is pizza? How far does this
go? How come this never got released before?
What is happening? First of all, the news for
me, aside from all the disastrous wars, it's
just so negative. The news is mostly people being
like, guess who's a giant piece of shit? You
read that over and over and you get addicted
to being like, yeah, that guy sucks. I'm good.
Well, there was an article that I read recently
about people being addicted to outrage. Yeah.
It's a real thing. Oh, for sure. Being addicted
to being upset about stuff and addicted to, you
go search for it, which is why your algorithm
shows you all that shit. Yeah. No, I mean, I
don't know if this is true, but I feel like they
watch your facial expression through your phone
camera and feed you stuff if you're making like
interested or outraged or whatever. I wouldn't
be shocked. I've heard they like track your eyeball
movement and they're like, okay, this is holding
his eyes and they just keep feeding you. Really?
I've heard that. I probably put a piece of tape
over that bitch. I know. I know. I wonder if
you did, how much would change? That would be
an interesting experience. Well, they got your
mic, too, so they got your audio. Yeah, that's
true. But yeah, dude, all that Epstein shit is
like, I can't follow it. It's too much. It's
too much. There's too many names. I don't know
state represented. They're like naming all these
people. It's like, damn, I wish I knew who that
was. And it's dark, too. It's horrible. And it
goes so high. There's so many levels to it. You
know, Sager and Yeti was just on Flagrant, and
they were reading off files and talking about
it. And it's just like, what the fuck, man? Yeah,
you need to study all day to, like, follow it.
Prince Andrew's crazy. Him getting arrested.
He's the first. What other prince has gotten
arrested? It must have been, like, not since
500 years ago. Yeah, when was the last time a
prince was arrested? I have no idea. And also,
if he goes to jail, if he goes to real jail,
he's getting clapped. He's a known, you know,
it's very, very likely. He was a pedophile. Pedophiles
go to jail. Well, what do they know that they're
putting him in jail first or they're arresting
him first? Like, what do they know? Because they
did a bunch of things, right? The first thing
they do is they stripped him of his princehood,
right? Exactly. And then they banished him to
some estate somewhere on the country. And then
they removed him from the estate. They kicked
him out of the estate. Yeah. So it's been like
levels upon levels. So what do they know? I think
the royal family gets to see the real deal. So
they probably saw the real deal and were like,
bro, you're fried. You're going to jail. And
he might be the first, he might get like clapped
in jail. Jesus. Someone might get royal. Royal
asshole? Yeah, he might get royal fucking pussy
in jail. Don't you think they have him in, did
they have protective custody in New England?
For sure, he'll be in protective custody for
sure. Do they have that over there? They'll probably
make a jail for him. I would imagine they do.
I think anything we have here, I would imagine
they have protective custody. Because if you're
even, if people even think you're a pedophile
in jail, they're going to. Do you think that
starts like a whole cascade and then a bunch
of other people start getting arrested? No, I
think they're going to hang him up and be like,
we got him. I don't believe that all these billionaires
are going to let themselves get arrested. They
have billions of dollars. Paris prosecutors opened
two new Epstein -linked investigations. Uh -oh.
With who? I think it's the Jean -Luc guy. Who's
that? Who's a co -conspirator. He also died in
custody in jail. God damn it, not again. So they
reopened the investigation on that. And somebody
else, I think, that they just found out that
was high up in the... I lost it here. How did
he die in jail? I don't... Officially? Yeah.
There you go. He was found dead. Okay. Just found
dead. Oh, he died. How old was he? Yeah, and
also the Oh, that's a that's about the time dudes
like that die Yeah, but they didn't ever there's
a probe and I think they they've reopened the
probe also of how he died Yeah, that's gonna
be a tough one itself. Yeah, you're gonna have
hit some roadblocks I wouldn't be surprised if
somebody whacked him. We were just talking about
the guy that Epstein was in jail with, which
is crazy. If Epstein is alive, some people think
he's alive. Some people think they scooted him
out of his cell, switched a body double, killed
that guy. But why would they put him in jail
with that gigantic cop who was a contract killer?
That fucking guy. That's one picture. Show me
the picture of the tank top picture. That's the
one. Bro, look at the size of that guy. And this
guy was a... He was a cop who was a dirty cop
who was killing drug dealers. Yeah. I mean, maybe
that was the plan. Be like, all right, we'll
put him in here. It'll sound good if this guy
kills him. Like, oh, man. And then 18 days before
he died, he complained that his cellmate tried
to kill him. What? Yeah. See if we can find that.
The different guy? No. Epstein did. No, I'm saying
was he complaining about the murderous cop or
is this a different guy? That's crazy, dude.
That's crazy. Also, how did he try to kill him
and not kill him? That's what I was just going
to say. What the fuck are you talking about?
Epstein slipped away and just sat in the corner.
I mean, maybe he screamed loud enough and the
guards came. The night Jeffrey Epstein claimed
his cellmate tried to kill him. So he laid in
a fetal position on the floor of his jail cell,
unresponsive with an orange fabric nude. Oh,
this is when they found him. 18 days before Epstein's
death, he wasn't breathing. His eyes were opening.
Oh, so this was when they found him. Oh, so they
found him in the fetal position? Oh, no, this
was the orange fabric noose. That's when they
found him dead. Okay. 18 days before Epstein.
No. Okay. So it is saying that. So it's saying
that he had an orange noose tied around his neck
18 days before he died. What? What? What the
fuck? What? So July 23rd, 2019, 18 days before
Epstein's death. He wasn't breathing, his eyes
opening and shutting occasionally, but he wouldn't
or couldn't respond to officers' questions and
commands, according to a confidential corrections
officer's memo obtained by CBS News. They hoisted
inmate 76318054 onto a stretcher. Officials have
repeatedly said Epstein's death. eventual death
by suicide was foreshadowed by this earlier alleged
attempt. Former Attorney General Bill Barr reiterated
that claim in an August closed -door deposition
before the House Oversight Committee, which released
the interview transcript last week. Barr, who
did not reply to questions from CBS News, said
in his testimony he knew about the July 23rd
incident, which he viewed as an attempted suicide.
Barr said he considered it indicative of Epstein's
state of mind. But jail staff memos, other never
before reported documents obtained by CBS News,
as well as interviews with more than a dozen
people who interacted with Epstein before and
after the incident, reveal a murkier picture
than the one depicted by Barr. The new documents
have surfaced amid persistent speculation over
Epstein's death, despite official conclusions
that he died by suicide. So he's laying on the
floor and his bunkie is screaming, I did nothing.
I banged on my door to get him out of my cell.
The source said, corruptions officers carried
Epstein to his cell on a different floor as he
remained unresponsive. Was it the same cop, the
contract killer cop? Yep, right. He told them
he thought he'd been attacked by his cellmate,
an ex -cop who was awaiting trial on four murders.
But they're saying that was an attempted suicide?
They tried to frame it as an attempted suicide.
No, I would imagine he doesn't have a way to
contact the outside world and just tweet about
this. He can't make an Instagram video. Hey,
guys, this guy's trying to fucking kill me. He
sat up on the bed and began telling me that he
thinks his bunkie tried to kill him, a responding
officer wrote in one memo. A senior officer wrote
in a separate incident report that Epstein initially
implicated his cellmate in the incident, claiming
he had previously said things that made Epstein
feel threatened. So Nicholas Tartaglione, his
cellmate, repeatedly disputed the initial allegation,
I did nothing, and said he tried to revive him.
As with Epstein's eventual death, any camera
footage of the incident was either mislaid, lost,
or never captured by the facility's faulty system.
Tartaglione has not responded to emailed questions
from CBS News. How odd. His lawyer said Epstein's
initial claim that Tartaglione tried to kill
him was flatly not true. So maybe he did try.
I mean, you know, there's a chance he did try
to kill himself and was like, shit, I don't want
to get. And then his guy saved him. He said he
saved him. So it says it right here. Scroll back
up a little bit. Tartaglione said in a recent
interview, the house and that Epstein also left
a suicide note and it even offered Tartaglione
money to kill him. What? Neither of those details,
if true, are referenced in any of the Bureau
of Prison Records that were reviewed by CBS News.
So if you scroll up higher, it says he said he
saved his life the first time. So it's saying
that he saved his life. He yelled when the guy,
his attorney says this. Yeah, yeah. He's saying
he tried to kill himself once. Yeah, but that's
just his attorney saying that. Yeah, for sure.
You know. Epstein claimed to both corrections
officers and the source that he felt threatened
by Tartaglione, a hulking retired cop turned
drug dealer who was charged and later convicted
for four murders. Just how could you take the
most high profile defendant ever and put him
in a cage with a murderer? His bunkie told him
that if he beat him up because of Epstein's child
sex trafficking charges, the officers would not
report it. Oh, that's what he told him. Allegedly.
The wealthy former financier told jail officers
that he believed Tartaglione was trying to extort
money from him and stated that if he didn't pay
him that he was going to beat him up. The officer
wrote, he stated that this has been going on
for a week. Then that guy saying Epstein was
trying to pay me to kill him for himself. You
would think they could find a middle ground,
man. Well, someone's lying. Yeah, I know. That's
the craziest. There's too many plot holes. There's
no way. Imagine, like, who's saying, I'll pay
you to kill me. Yeah. Also, it's like, wait,
how are we going to do that? How are we going
to work this all out? Yeah, the guy's already,
well, that, and then what's he going to do with
the money? Exactly. How's he going to get the
money? I guess you can give it if you know somebody,
you know, you love, you can give it to them.
Right. Does he have money or does all of his
money go to the victim's families? Like he killed
four people. Shit, man. He might be right. Yeah.
So it'd have to be like an offshore account that
like gets slipped over to the prison so he could
buy cigarettes. If anyone can do it. If anyone
can do it, it's Jeffrey Epstein, man. But it
would have to be worked out in advance. Like
you would have to have the cigarettes in the
commissary. Yeah. Okay. Time to kill you. Dude,
I think it's just one of those things, and I
don't know if people want to wrap their heads
around it, but there's just people who do things
in this world on behalf of uber billionaires
that we're just never going to know what's going
on. For sure. They do horrible, terrible secret
stuff. And they always have. Yeah, always. This
is the thing. If you go throughout history, there's
always been secret societies and people that
get together at creepy meetings. All that eyes
wide shut shit that Qbert put in his film, that's
not... He's not imagining that. No. That's always
been a thing. The officer that discovered his
body dead in August was originally charged with
falsifying documents related to his death, but
those charges were dropped. Hmm. I wonder what
the falsifying of the documents was. I don't
know. I don't know. Who knows? Maybe people charged
it to try to open up the paperwork or whatever.
Here it is. Because Epstein was on suicide watch
after the July 23rd incident, Thomas was required
to record a log of observations about Epstein
in 15 -minute increments. Those notations were
released by the Bureau of Prisons in 2023, along
with just one entry he made in the log, a note
made at 2 .15 a .m., 45 minutes after the incident.
15 minutes later, at 2 .30, Thomas wrote, Inmate
sitting on bed trying to remember what happened.
Huh. Yeah, man. So this is when he got attacked,
the first time that he survived. Huh. They claim
once he got into the separate cell, he was trying
to fall forward on his head or something, sat
on the edge of the bed and began moving forward
as if he was attempting to fall overhead first.
Huh. He was told to stop, don't do it again,
and he gave a thumbs up. That's how they confirm
he was trying to commit suicide. So he's gonna
try to commit suicide by falling straight on
his head? That's impossible. That's literally
impossible. You might be able to pull it off.
That's crazy. You would block for sure. Right.
There's no way you can just do a sailor. I was
like thinking about this the other day. I was
walking off my steps. I was like, even if I tried,
I couldn't do like a swan dive on the cement.
Your body wouldn't let you do it. Yeah, you would
resist just enough to be paralyzed for the rest
of your life. You would get fucked up for sure.
I don't know. I think you would just kind of
flatten out and flail. Yeah, because guys die
all the time in street fights when they get knocked
out, and then they fall, and they hit their head
on the concrete. Dude, it happened before I left
Philly a year or so ago. There was a guy just
walking his dog off leash, and this guy was like,
put your dog on leash. They started arguing,
and a guy punched him, and he hit his head and
died. And then my brother went on an online date
with the— fiance of the guy who died and like
learned throughout the date like oh shit you're
the lady he was married what a bummer of a date
it was pretty fucking sad actually he like put
it together and he's like oh fuck he died that
sucks how long after that was the date I think
it was maybe a year and a half it's been some
time you know not enough to stop the crime yeah
I mean you gotta pick it up at one point especially
if he died like that man got punched on a dog
walk and died I don't know. A dog walk with a
helmet in Philly? If I was a lady, I'd be like,
well, fuck, I dodged a bullet. A husband could
have just died. Yeah, that's scary, though, man.
The whole thing of altercations and people popping
off to each other anymore is just like... I was
walking down the street recently, and I had the
right of way. I walked, and I didn't even rush
in front of the car. The car pulled up and was
like, get the fuck out. He threatened to shoot
me in the face. I was just like, what the hell,
man? Yeah, it was like he had pulled off far
enough. He's like, I'll shoot you in your fucking
face. And I was just like, please don't. Like,
you know, the fuck, man. What are you doing?
Bro, you never know who's unhinged. I know. You
never know what's going on in that life. Divorce,
fucking this, that. Just got fired. About to
go to jail. Who knows? Yeah. Who knows? Dude,
yeah. Best friend was fucking your wife. Could
be literally anything. Yeah. Anything. I never.
It's like, yeah, whatever, man. So many people
are barely hanging on out there. Doing something
all day they hate. Yeah. Just fucking tired.
Life's in a shambles. Dude, and especially, like,
people just talk shit to strangers. Like, you
have no idea who that person is. I don't know,
you know, who knows if this is, like, just, like,
an old construction worker tale. My dad was telling
me some guy he knows, his mom or whatever, or,
like, you know, his friend's mom was at the grocery
store. Someone backed, they were, like, both
going for a parking spot. It was, like, an old
lady, and the guy was, like, fucking bitch, get
the hell out, blah, blah, blah. Started cursing
her out. Her son came out of jail for like, you
know, like he was like a biker, all this stuff.
And they all like knew each other in the neighborhood.
Apparently the guy who had like cursed out the
mom, they were like, nobody ever saw him again.
So if that's true, it's like, gee, I always think
about that. I'm like, dude, that's, you know,
you just can't be, you shouldn't yell at an old
lady anyway, but you just have no idea who you're
dealing with. Right. Just might as well chill.
That was one of the creepier things about the
Epstein emails. or the files, the data, was that
he ordered 330 gallons of sulfuric acid after
he'd been indicted? What does that do? Dissolves
bodies. Oh, no. Yeah. So they were trying to
speculate that maybe that was for his desalination
system that he had. He had a water system. Some
sulfuric acid cleans it out. But then Jamie looked
into it. He had only ordered it once before ever,
but never that much. Yeah. That's terrible. Also,
he lives near the ocean. Why don't you just go
in the ocean? What do you mean? You've got to
get rid of bodies. You live on an island. You
just go out to water. Yeah, but they could find
it. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, they might find it.
Yeah. You can't have that. True. Especially if
you have enough that you need a bunch of acid.
Do they have a lot of sharks down there? I would
think. Yeah. Like the Bahamas, right? It's like
Bahamas area? Yeah, I would think so. There's
like sharks in Florida. I was just in Florida.
Florida has a lot of sharks, especially bull
sharks. Yeah, exactly. I was swimming. I brought
my friend with me to do shows, and he was like,
I'm worried about sharks. There's no fucking
sharks out here. We got back, and the Uber driver
was like, yeah, this is like shark season right
now. I was like, oh, my bad. Shark season? Yeah.
I think it's the bull sharks. They see them all
the time. Bull sharks are scary. They're the
ones that they think are responsible for the
murders in New Jersey that inspired Jaws. Really?
Yeah. How big do they get? They don't get as
big as great whites, but the thing about them
is they can swim in fresh water. So those murders,
those deaths by shark in New Jersey in the early
1900s, they were in a river. What? Yeah. So these
people were swimming in a river, and they got
killed by sharks. Yeah, you would never expect
it either. Bull sharks are very aggressive, too.
Are they really? Super aggressive. There's the
Florida Keys. Guys fish off the piers down there,
and it's really great fishing. But if you catch
a big fish and you're struggling to get it on
the line, most likely a shark's going to kill
it. Really? Yeah, most likely you're going to
get it bitten in half. There's, like, tons of
videos of guys pulling in fish and the shark
just snaps it in half while they're pulling it
in. That's terrifying. They're all over the place
down there, dude. I went to Turks and Caicos.
Me and my family went down there, my kids. We
went snorkeling. And, you know, the guy takes
us out and he's like, hey, we, like, you know,
got in the area where we're going to jump in.
He's like, hey, there's some baby sharks out
there. Um, you know, but they're not going to
bother you. I'm like, what the fuck does that
mean? Exactly. And I have like, I've had fucking
like two and a four year old with me. So I jump
in. I'm like, let me suss it out. I'm going to
go see. Dude, I go down and like, these were
like, you know, they weren't like 18 foot sharks,
but they were like five, six. They were like
big enough, but they were 40. It was like probably
40 feet deep. And then they were like at the
bottom, but then another 50 feet away. And I
was like, bro, I'm not bringing my kids in here.
Yeah. I'm trying to find this video that my friend
Adam sent me. of uh sharks in florida because
i always give him shit he lives in australia
and i always give him shit like bro you live
in a place filled with monsters what the fuck
are you doing because it's true florida florida
has a lot but australia has more australia has
saltwater crocodiles they have great whites but
he sent me this video and it's like this is in
america mate and it's uh these guys are throwing
god i can't find it these guys are throwing um
fish into the water. No, I'm not going to find
it. They're throwing fish into the water right
next to the shore, and it's just sharks, like
piranhas, just smashing, and they're off a dock.
Dude. They're just throwing fish scraps in there,
and the sharks are apparently used to it, I guess.
That's terrifying. Yeah. Dude, I... Oh, here
it is. I found it. Nice. Here, hold on. I'll
send it to you, Jimmy. Dude, dolphins. Did you
ever see a dolphin in real life? Yes. They're
scary as hell. Those things are huge. I swam
with them. I did it too. I was in Mexico and
I thought I was going to be like, you know, gliding
on two of them. I was like barely wanting to
touch this thing. I did it in Hawaii. You jump
off the boat and you snorkel. Yeah. You get to
see them swimming under. It's really wild. Check
this out. So this guy throws these scraps in
the water. Look at these sharks. God damn. How
crazy is that? Look at these things fight for
this. Look how many of them there are. Yeah,
that's... Well, that's crazy. Look how big they
are. Yeah, more than big enough to take your
legs off. Go ahead, dick wagon. Throw it in.
Go ahead, dick wagon. Why? I'd be so mad if I
was his neighbor. I'd be like, dude, I'm trying
to paddleboard, man. Well, I think this is just
what they do every day, which is why the sharks
are there in the first place. I think when these
guys get there, you know, when they fillet the
fish, they have the bodies. They just tuck the
body overboard, and these sharks just destroy
it. Yeah. How spooky is that? It's terrifying,
dude. Yeah. That's Florida. That's crazy. Where's
Marco Island? I don't know. Where is that? Where's
Marco Island? It's probably the key somewhere.
Probably. That's fucking, that's awful. Florida's
filled with monsters. Like that whole thing that
they're doing with ice where they've got that
alligator Guantanamo. You know, they built a
Guantanamo for detainees and then they surrounded
it with alligator country. Like a cartoon moat?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fucking crazy. Check
this out. Okay, so where is it? It's like opposite
of Miami. Oh, okay. Okay, so it's not the Keys.
It's just Florida. Crazy. Damn, so they have
a classical moat with alligators around it? Well,
it's not essentially a moat. What's it, an island,
I guess? How did they do it? Did they build an
island down there? Is that what they did? Somebody
got a sweet contract to put that in there. They're
calling it Alligator Alcatraz. Yeah, they call
it Alligator Alcatraz. What does it look like?
Can you show us? Damn, dude. Alligators in Florida
are everywhere. They say there's not a standing
body of water that doesn't have an alligator.
I know. My friends were just at Disney World,
and they said, they're like, is there alligators
around here? Like, yeah, we flush them out all
the time. One killed a kid a few years back.
I heard about that. Yeah. Reached up and just
snagged him. Bro, imagine your little toddler
at Disneyland just saw Cinderella having a good
time. That's got to be fast pass. That's fast
pass for life, though, for the rest of the family.
So that is all the Everglades. And the Everglades
is just filled. Like, if you go walking, like,
I'm out of here. Fuck that. Like, something's
probably going to get you. No. The Everglades
are so fucked because it's not just the alligators.
It's also the pythons. There's giant pythons.
Fuck, dude. AI's so ruthless. I know. That's
fucking alligators with ice hats on. Dude, the
pythons are another. Because they catch you while
you're sleeping. So you lay down to sleep and
you just wake up and you're just. Are there more
pythons in the Everglades than there are anywhere
in the world? No way. Because there's a half
a million of them, they think. Did you ever hear
about Snake Island in Brazil? No. Dude, there's
an island in Brazil that I guess whatever tectonic
plates or whatever moved, it used to be connected
to the mainland. It went out and all the snakes
just got stuck on there with no natural predators.
So what do they do? They just eat each other?
Yeah, they just fight and eat each other. Dude,
there's apparently a snake. Like every meter
you move, there's at least one snake. What? Dude,
the images are terrifying. They're like just
piled on top of each other. There are not more
pythons in the Everglades than anywhere else.
The Burmese pythons' native range in Southeast
Asia from India to Indonesia supports far larger
wild populations, though exact numbers are hard
to quantify due to their vast habitat. Everglades
context, Burmese pythons are invasive species.
Florida Everglades with estimates ranging from
tens of thousands to 300 ,000 individuals across
southern Florida concentrated in Everglades National
Park where their density is notably high. Population
exploded from a few snakes in the 90s to enveloping
much of the region by the 2020s, driven by the
release from pet trade and events like Hurricane
Andrew. Yeah, they had Hurricane Andrew apparently
blew down a facility where they were studying
pythons. No, and that's how they got out. A bunch
of them got out. And then there's also people
with pets, just assholes in death metal bands.
Yeah, they just dropped them. Yeah, they just
dropped them. There's, what do you call it, parakeets
here. They're like an invasive species, and they
think that happened, too. Someone just, like,
let their parakeets out, and now they're a problem
here. That's iguanas in Florida, too. You know,
they sell canned iguana meat in Florida now.
Really? Yeah, a buddy of mine lives in Florida.
He just sent me this. He sent me—he was at the
supermarket, and they have iguana meat. Probably
not bad. Dude, I'm telling you, the Snake Island,
I was like— I thought it was fake. My wife was
telling me about it. I'm like, dude, you got
tricked. This has to be AI. I looked it up, and
it's like, it's a real thing. Let me see that
iguana meat. It would probably be good. I've
eaten gator before. Gator's not bad. This might
be fake. I think it is. God damn it. I'm Googling,
and there's a pizza restaurant that got in trouble
for serving it. Really? But nothing else is popping
up about candy. They got in trouble for serving
it? Did they tell people they were serving it?
I don't think so. You know, because people eat
them. They hunt them and eat them all the time.
I was watching a YouTube video the other day
where this guy was making, like, stir -fried
iguana meat. Well, they get massive. They get
massive. Yeah. Yeah, and they apparently taste
good. Probably. They're aggressive, too. If you
see them in the wild, they'll, like, charge after
you. They're nasty, man. They're big. Yeah. Some
of them get, like, four or five feet long. Yeah,
they're huge. Which is nuts. That was another
animal I encountered in Turks and Caicos. We
did the shark swimming, and I was like, all right,
I let them, like, get out of the way. And then
we went to this island that was just full of
iguanas, and they'll just run up on you. Do you
know in Florida, when it gets really cold, they
just fall out of trees? No. That's hilarious.
Because sometimes Florida, it'll dip. It'll get
into the 30s, and these fuckers just fall out
of the trees like stoned. They just freeze and
just drop. They freeze, and then they thaw out
and come back to life. What? Yeah. Fuck. That's
an ancient species. These are ancient creatures.
Damn. I thought they're cold -blooded and they
die. I guess they can just chill. Well, so are
alligators, and alligators freeze in lakes sometimes
with their mouths above the water. They have
their nose and their eyes above the water, and
they're frozen. There's a bunch of images of
these guys frozen in lakes. I guess everything
just slows down and they just chill. They don't
have to eat for a year. What? Yeah, they can
go without eating for a whole year. So how much
do you think we really have to eat? If alligators
– if bears don't have to eat all winter, alligators
can go one year. Like do you think – I always
think like do we have to eat every day? Well,
we definitely eat more than any people have ever
had. True. Except like royals. Yeah. You know,
that's why people are so tiny. Like you go back
to like the Civil War, the average man was like
130 pounds. Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah, because
nobody had any food. You know, nobody had any
protein. Yeah. But if you think about – How much
we eat, morning, noon, and then evening, hunter
-gatherers, they got a meal a day. If you got
lucky, you had a meal and you ate as much as
you could because there's no way to preserve
it. And then you went out the next day and hoped
you got another animal. Yeah, that's kind of
wild. You must have spent like 6 ,000 calories
a day just trying to get one meal. Yeah, and
then other than drying your meat out, there's
no way to preserve it. So they would make jerky
or... You know, like, I know in Mexico, some
friends of mine went down there, and they have
this traditional way of taking buffalo, and they
slice it, like, really, really thin, and then
they hang it on, like, a clothes hanger and dry
it out. Really? Yeah. That's all you need to
do? Well, that's what they had to do. They had
to figure out how to dry stuff. Yeah. Because,
you know, there's no—man, how fucking hard life
must have been with no refrigeration. Dude, it
would suck so bad. Suck so bad, man. That's like
when you go back to the turn of the century,
all the diseases were happening in America. Just
think about it. No running water. Everybody's
like shitting in holes in the ground outside
the houses. There's no ventilation. There's no
air conditioning. No vitamins. Especially here.
How do people live in Texas? Hard people. It
must have been crazy. Hard people. Yeah. Hard
fucking people. I've been reading Lonesome Dove
right now. It's like an old classic Western.
And they just talk about how hot they are all
day long. It's just dust in their face. And it's
like, dude, that shit would suck. Especially
if you don't live near a lake so you can cool
off a little bit. Oh, no. There's like, yeah,
they have like a spring house. And every time
they get water, there's just rattlesnakes everywhere
near the spring house. It's like, dude, that
sucks so bad. There's a great book about Texas
called Empire of the Summer Moon. Oh, I've heard
of that before. It's all about the settlers encountering
the Comanche. You got to think like if the Comanche,
if this is where they lived and they lived here
year round, like they had to be the hardest fucking
people in the world. Yeah, dude. That would be
brutal. Just had to be fucking just tough as
fuck. Especially when it gets like freezing too.
They have like that two weeks where it's super
cold and yeah, that would be. You never know
when it's coming back then either. You couldn't
prepare. Like Texas, like right now it's 80.
Two weeks ago it was 30. Before that it was 20.
Before that it was 70. Like you don't know when
it's coming. No. I've been here for two years
and I know we're going to get like a solid collective
week of real winter. And the rest of it's just
like 50, 60, 70, 80, 20, 40. It's worth it. I
think it's perfect because it gives you just
enough cold so you appreciate the warm, just
enough, but nothing like where you want to kill
yourself. Yeah, I agree. Nothing like there's,
you know, Montana winters and Wyoming winters
where they last like seven months. You're like,
I don't know if I want to do this. Even regular
East Coast winter, I couldn't handle it. By the
time I had left, like you don't feel the sun
for like at least three months. And I remember
spring, it would finally like come out and it's
like. That messes me up. Like, I'd rather it
be super hot and sunny than be cold. Yeah. Because
you can just, like, you know, just figure out
jumping a lake, jumping a pool. Well, you know,
that's what flu season's all about, too. What?
It's not like the flu emerges in the winter.
It's just everybody's immune system's low. No
one has any vitamin D. A buddy of mine who was
a doctor said that he would do tests on people
in New York City, and he said so many people
would come into his practice that had undetectable
levels of vitamin D. What? Yeah, because they
weren't supplementing at all, and they were wearing
winter clothes, and they were never outside.
And everybody's sick, and they don't know why.
Well, you're vitamin D depleted. Yeah. That's
why in Seattle they have a lot of people go in
tanning beds and shit. They try to like do something.
Oh, just to get people. Because tanning beds
will give you a natural dose of vitamin D. That's
kind of nice. Yeah. Apparently, isn't it like
a hormone more than a vitamin? Mm -hmm. Yeah,
that's what I heard. It's like not even just
like vitamin A or B. It's like something you
absolutely need big time. Yeah, a lot of people
are saying you should hyperdose it too. Because
the USDA recommended is like 5 ,000 milligrams.
A lot of people are saying. like 30 ,000 is what
they take every day. Yeah. I had to do that for
a while because I had low vitamin D and they
were like, you can take as much of this as you
want. I'm like, so I'm like such a baby with
medicine. Like I'm like super sensitive to it.
It did like absolutely no side effects at all.
No, it doesn't. But for full absorption, I think
you're supposed to take it with a bunch of other
stuff. Like I think the recommended is I take
it with K2, vitamin K2 and magnesium. I think
there might be one other thing that also helps
absorption. But like Dr. Rhonda Patrick was on
a podcast recently and she was talking about
how vitamin D, someone was taking vitamin D but
they weren't showing any improvement. She's like,
where are you taking it with magnesium? So magnesium
apparently helps vitamin D get absorbed in your
body. Like there's a bunch of those things that
like works. Like if you take them without any
fat or any food, they're not good. But then like
amino acids, you have to take them on an empty
stomach. It's like you got to know what you're
doing. That's true. Yeah, I have like a paste.
It's like a goop that's like fatty and I just
put it on a spoon and take it. Is it just vitamin
D? Yeah, it's vitamin D. It's like a liposomal
thing. Oh, you put it on a spoon? Yeah, I just
eyeball it. I'm like, that's probably about right.
I wonder if like liposomal absorbs easier. Isn't
that the whole idea about it? Yeah, it's paired
to a fat and it kind of. Right. I wonder if that
you don't need as much, like where you don't
need vitamin D or K2 rather. Well, I don't know,
but I was low and then I'm not now. I'm like,
maybe it worked. Maybe it was the fact I was
outside. I don't know. I'm sure it works. Yeah.
Yeah. It's just like, does it work optimally?
That's the thing. Yeah. It's like just taking
it alone is definitely going to be better than
not taking it at all. But they think that for
maximum absorption. What are the things that
you should take with vitamin D for? Put that
in perfectly. The things you take with vitamin
D for maximum absorption. It's hard to remember
all this stuff, too. That's part of the problem.
Like, I'll hear it on a podcast. I'm like, yeah,
yeah. Go back. What the fuck did Andrew Huberman
say? You know, I remember I heard Huberman had
this thing about cortisol. He's like, you need
to spike your cortisol early in the morning,
which I, you know, if I get up and exercise in
the morning, like, yeah, that seems true because
I feel good. But then I was like, I can't have
caffeine anymore. I had to get off completely.
Really? Dude, I can't have it. I'm, like, super
sensitive to it. If I had a cup of coffee, what
time is it right now? If I had a cup of coffee
now at 2 o 'clock, I would not sleep until midnight.
Is that because you don't drink much of it? I
don't metabolize it. Oh, interesting. My dad
can drink coffee and fall asleep, but if my mom
has coffee, it just, like... You have it, and
I can feel it just in my body for hours. It's
just like a nonstop. I love caffeine, the mental
effects. My body just can't stand it. Have you
ever tried nootropics, like theanine? I've done
it all. Acetylcholine? Not acetylcholine, but
I've taken L -theanine with it, which helped
a little bit, but then I'll just drink more coffee.
No, I don't mean with coffee. I mean by itself
as like a little bit of a pick -me -up. Oh, yeah.
No, I like, yeah, I take L -theanine before I
go to sleep. I think it kind of helps me sleep.
Yeah, I hear that, too, which is interesting
because it helps with your memory. Like, how
does it help with your memory and also help you
go to sleep? I don't know. Here it says, vitamin
D is a fat -soluble nutrient, so pairing it with
dietary fat maximizes its absorption in the gut.
Take vitamin D supplements with a meal containing
fats for optimal uptake. Studies show you can
boost serum levels by about 50%. Foods like fatty
fish, avocados, olive oil, nut seeds, or full
-fat yogurt provide these fats effectively. Supportive
nutrients, magnesium, aids in converting vitamin
D to its active form and transporting it in the
body. Vitamin K2 works synergistically to direct
calcium to bones, enhancing benefits for bone
health. Omega -3 fatty acids from fish oil also
improve absorption alongside fats. All right,
so that's it. So vitamin D you should take with
magnesium and K2 and probably some fish oil.
Nice. There you go. I was eating it after breakfast,
so there we go. I was getting my fats. But yeah,
the caffeine for me, everyone's different, but
I can't have it. I could drink two double espressos
and go to sleep. That's crazy. So here's my thing,
too. I didn't start really drinking caffeine
all the time until I had kids, but I don't have
dreams at night. If I drink even coffee during
the day, no dreams at night. Really? I don't
know what it is, man. I'm super, super sensitive
to it. Well, a lot of people that stop smoking
weed say that they get wild, crazy dreams. That
happens, too. That kind of blocks your dreams,
too. Yeah. But even that, like, I don't know.
I smoked weed forever. Like, I would still kind
of have dreams, but the caffeine just, like,
completely neutralizes them. And then they say
that—it's, like, anecdotal, but they say that
caffeine, there's anecdotal evidence that it
kind of— uh what is it like discourages or you
know whatever it does your brain you don't do
as much divergent thinking it's more like convergent
where like if you need to get like a task like
all right i need to edit something caffeine's
great if you're like i need to come up with a
story idea there's like anecdotal evidence that
says like people who are on caffeine report that
it like messes up their ability to like just
kind of like you know, come up with like new
or novel ideas. That makes sense. Yeah. Because
you're just hyper -focused on the one thing that
you're doing. Yeah. Like a low -dose meth. Yeah,
pretty much. You're like, my friends that have
dated girls that have had problems with amphetamines,
one of the things they say is they know when
they're on it because then they start cleaning
the house. They start cleaning everything. Yeah.
They start getting like hyper -focused on like
organizing and cleaning. That sounds like a good
drug. Yeah. What's the backlash? It's probably
a spaz, though. That's probably the backlash.
Well, it's probably they're doing it for 12 hours
while they're listening to Slayer. Yeah. Fuck,
dude. Fuck. You're not even talking about Adderall.
This is them doing crystal meth, you're saying?
I don't know. He was saying amphetamines. I would
assume it's like meth. Yeah. Amphetamine, babe,
would be not ideal, I don't think. Well, I've
talked to people that have done meth. They tell
you you feel like you're fucking Superman, but
you also want to get things done. Really? Yeah.
I've heard that similar thing about crack where
you feel like a genius. You smoke crack, apparently,
you're just like, dude, like, why would I have
a refrigerator? I can sell it right now, and
I can just order out to, and, like, apparently
you're just, like, the smartest person in your
head in the world. Right. And then you just,
like, it all crashes every 30 minutes. Well,
it's like free -base cocaine is all it is. Yeah.
Like, what Richard Pryor was doing back in the
day, that was just before crack. Yeah. It was
free -basing cocaine. Yeah, and it's weird, too,
because I think it just, like, Coke, I think,
just floods your brain. A lot of things just
flood your brain with dopamine. Yeah, but the
delivery method, apparently, of crack is superior.
Really? There's something about smoking it where
it just goes right to your head. Well, I know
this from Hunter Biden. Yeah. Because Hunter
Biden was on that Channel 5 show when he was
talking about it. It's fucking, he was so descriptive
of it, it almost made you want to try crack.
It was almost like it was like a romantic tale
of like a bad romance that he had to get out
of. This is a very gentlemanly way to say it's
his superior delivery mechanism. Well, he's very
smart, right? Yeah. So he's very articulate.
He's talking about like what it was like to smoke
crack. Yeah. It's like, holy shit, man. And I
wonder, I guess I guess he's off of it because
I guess like, you know. Yeah. If you started
again, it's probably just another. Well, there
was that baggie they found at the White House,
but. First of all, it might have been his, but
also, you think he's the only one of those people
doing coke? Yeah, I was about to say, that could
be anybody. Listen, there's probably a lot of
those folks that need a little pick -me -up sometimes
for a meeting, or they have to do a press thing,
or you're working 16 hours a day, a little talk.
Big time. Let's go. I used to work at a real
estate company when I was in college. They would
buy apartment buildings, and dude, all the senior
management were like, they used to buy Adderall
off me. They would just chomp fucking Adderall.
Come in and just be like, they would do sales
meetings and just be like. A friend of mine who's
a journalist says that all these journalists
are on Adderall. Yeah, I believe it. Says it
makes you productive. Yeah. They're all doing
it. Some of them are like super open about it.
Like Dave Portnoy, when he was in here, he was
telling us. Would he say he took 30 milligrams?
I don't remember, but yeah. It was enough that
I was like, yo, and then I had to go to Jamie.
How much is that? And Jamie was like, a lot.
30s, yeah, 30s. That would get you. But not a
lot if you do it a lot, right? Yeah, you would
get a, yeah. That's the thing. It's like if you're
doing edibles with Joey Diaz. Like, how much
should I take? Take two, cocksucker. Like, what?
Take two. Like, how much do you take? Yeah, that
would definitely. I mean, I feel like I can't
get a tolerance to eat edibles. They just knock
me out every time. Jamie can just eat them and
they don't do anything to them. That's crazy.
I know people like that too. They're like, no,
I need like 200 milligrams to feel it. I'm like.
I'm psychotic. At 200 milligrams, I'm fried.
It's a lot. Yeah, 200 is a lot. I used to have
these lollipops that were 200 milligrams, so
I would try to gauge it, like I don't want to
eat too much of it, and I would get fucking whacked
all the time. So we went over how many people
are on Adderall once, like the number of Adderall
prescriptions in a year. It was something bonkers.
It was like 39 million Adderall prescriptions
in this country, but then you have to go, like,
how many people is that? Right? Because, like,
you refill your prescription. So how often do
you refill it? How many times a year? You know
what I mean? I think it's more than 39. If that's
the case, I feel like there's 39 million subscribers
to Adderall. Well, there's definitely people
that are getting it other ways. For sure. For
sure. Yeah, you get your script and you sell
it, but it's like – Not just that. You're getting
it illegally. You're getting illegal good and
bad. You're getting cartel stuff. Like pressed
and stuff? Yeah, like they can make a Valium
that looks just like a Valium and there's fucking
fentanyl in it. Yeah, true. No, that's – like
the pill world is – they're like completely riddled
with that right now. Oh, it's scary, man, because
kids are taking these – like there was a kid
from a local high school around here that I read
a story. He took an Adderall. He thought it was
an Adderall, and it had fentanyl in it. He died.
He got it from one of his friends. He was just
trying to cram for studies. Yeah, that's why
I always tell people, anyone I know who does
coke, I'm always like, you got to stop, man.
They're like, no, we'll test it. It's like, no,
you're not. You're going to be at a bar. You're
going to be hammered. You're going to buy coke
and shove it up your nose. You're not going to
stop and be like, let me see. I've never done
it, but all my friends who have done it have
also the same thing. Don't do it. I've never
done it either. I've never had any interest.
But it's like every time I'm around people on
it, I'm just like, dude, this sucks. Maybe they're
having fun. They want to sell you Bitcoin. They
want to go into business now. Everybody does.
They get like super hyped about a project. They
want to bring you in. Well, that's what I think.
I guess that's the way it's explained to me.
You just feel like you've accomplished something
major. So you just like snore coke and you're
like, I am the best ever. I don't know. I just.
Yeah, Joey Diaz used to say that you can't go
on stage with that. Yeah, I can see that. It's
the worst because you have no feeling. You don't
feel for the crowd. Yeah, that's how I feel.
I can't drink and go on stage because I'm way
too confident. If something doesn't land, I'm
like, fucking whatever, pussy. I don't care and
I just do so bad. Yeah. Yeah, it's a weird fine
dance that people do with substances and performing,
especially if you're doing like a speed. or something
because you can get it wrong. I would imagine.
Yeah, you can get your balance wrong. I've heard
Adderall does not mix with comedy at all. That's
what I've heard, too. I've heard of people like
it. It's like a weird part of your brain where
you're just too lasered in. I've heard people
like to use it for writing, though, which I think
is weird. I guess. Yeah, I don't know. I know
they use it for writing books. I don't know if
it would be the same for writing comedy because,
you know, you're talking about coming up with
ideas. You'd imagine that would be the coffee
thing on steroids. Yeah. For me, I like to write.
I write books. I like to do other stuff. Writing
stand -up is more like it has to just pop into
my head. Then I go like, oh, that would be funny.
If I start fleshing it out, new ideas come. But
I've tried to write stand -up, and very rarely
do I get anything that works when I do that.
Yeah, me too. What I do is I write essays. I
just like essays on a subject. And then from
that, I'll extract little things. That's a good
idea. And then I take that little thing and I
say, how do I introduce this thing? And what
would be funny about this thing, and how would
I lead into this, and what are the other surrounding
things that would go with this? No, that's a
good way to do it. I have to trick myself into
being like I'm memorizing my material, so I just
bullet point it, and then I get bored and my
mind wanders. I'm like, that would actually be
pretty funny. Right, and then you start rambling.
Yeah, that's the thing about the essay, that
if you just sit down and write about a subject,
whatever that subject is, that you just start
thinking about all the different aspects of that
subject. of thinking how to write in comedy form
yeah you know that that's a that's a smart idea
because yeah if i try to write it then like you
try to repeat it but you wrote it down so it
sounds like a written thing and it's like But
even that in the essay way, it's a brutal process
because then you have to take that one sentence
or that one paragraph in a thousand words and
then figure out a way to introduce that where
it's not clunky. Yeah. And then figure out what's
the funniest part about it. And it's like you
have to always know that the first time you bring
it out there, it's going to suck. And you have
to just slowly but surely trust it to get better
and just throw it into the fire every night.
Yeah. You have your bits that you know are going
to kill, and you're like, I don't want to trot
that one out here. I know. That kind of is the
funnest part, though, to me. When I moved here,
I think I had just put out an hour or recorded,
so I had to start with new material, which sucks.
You move somewhere, you have new stuff, and you're
like, dude, I have only new shit. It's a bad
feeling, but it's exciting because you don't
know how it's going to go every night. I don't
know. I like that. I think it's good. I think
it's like we were talking the other day about
loss, about failure. I was talking with Michael
Malice about bombing on stage. I think bombing
is good because what happens if you bomb, that
feeling, you feel terrible the next day, you
feel terrible that night, and then you're like,
I got to fucking get back on stage and really
tighten up my shit. And I always have in the
past. made big leaps after I bombed. I'm like,
I think it's important. Like failure is important.
It sucks. You don't like it, but you got to go
through that. Like maybe you got overconfident
or maybe you were in a bad mood or maybe it was
like, whatever. Yeah. No, it helps. That's what
like motivates me to write standup. If I bomb,
I'm like, all right, now let me, let me like
dial it in. Cause I have like, I'm always doing
a bunch of stuff and like, I'm like, Oh, I got
a show. And I like, you know, organize kind of
against the gun. But, yeah, a bomb really is
like a clarifying. It's good for you, honestly.
Yes, it is. It's good to have a bomb. Well, I
used to say that to fighters, too. You lose a
fight, it's good, as long as you don't get really
hurt. It's good because you like that feeling.
Go home with that feeling and think about all
the stones that you left unturned, all the times
we skipped road work, all the times we skipped
strength and conditioning, all the times you're
half -assing it in the gym. That guy didn't do
that. He just beat you. Now you know. You have
to understand that there's levels to dedication,
there's levels to competency, and a good loss
is good for you. Yeah. Again, if you have your
tried and true and you're just going on stage,
it's working night after night. You just go home
and you're like, oh, whatever. But, yeah, when
you bomb, like, for me, it does something in
my brain where my thoughts start flying. You
know, whatever that is just helps me get stuff
out there. Well, when I lived in Boston, one
of the things that was a real problem was there
were these local headliners that had these fucking
acts, man. They had 45 minutes of, like, hammered
samurai sword. It was so good because they had
been doing that 45 minutes for a decade and a
half. That's crazy, dude. It was so good. timing
was so good the the pacing was so good they would
crush every night but after a while they never
added anything new to it And these guys just
like a buddy of mine went to see a Boston headliner
that we knew from like Fitzsimmons. Went to see
a Boston headliner that we knew from the 80s.
And he goes, dude, he was doing the same material.
He goes, it was so sad. He goes, he was just
phoning it in. It was barely getting a response
from the audience. It was like dated references.
Because this guy just had an act. And like a
fucking guy who shows up at the office, he would.
open up a suitcase, pull his act out. That was
his act. Those guys are always fascinating. Cause
when you're like, you know, I started in Philly
and like, so like the only, the first like paid
gigs you get as an open mic or like you do like
moose lodges and shit for like 50 bucks. And
it's always one of those like wacko headliners.
Who's been around for 30 years. He's doing it
forever. He's giving you the career talk in between
the show. There's like, I would get like comedy
magicians all the time. Oh yeah. And dude, it
was like, yeah, those, those guys would always
kind of freak me out. Like I would open for guys.
that would talk about floppy disks in the 2000s,
and I'm like, bro, what are you doing, man? We
don't have CDs anymore. A floppy disk? This guy
talked about porn on a floppy disk. On stage?
Dude, it was fucking Screech. R .I .P. It was
Screech. Screech. R .I .P. I opened for Screech
back in the day, and I was like, fuck yes, this
is going to be awesome. He was killing it in
the comedy clubs. He was like one of the first
people to go from being on a sitcom to touring
on the road. Yeah, I call it late Screech, though.
Skippy. Remember Skippy from Family Matters?
Was it Family Matters? No. What was it from?
What was the show? He was another guy who was,
he was on a sitcom. Was he on, not Step by Step.
I don't remember. But if I remember, he was,
same thing. He was, like, Hollywood didn't work
out for him. Family Ties. Family Ties. With Michael
J. Fox? Yeah. Yeah, so that guy was headlining
comedy clubs. Yeah. All over the place. This
was like a bar in Delaware. This was not a glamorous
gig. Whoa. It was bad. What year? This was, I
was, I graduated. College in 2009 would have
been like 2012 maybe So this was like late. This
was like late screech and a whole time He's on
stage people go screech and he would just it's
fucking made him so bad But I remember it was
a funny show cuz I was supposed to be a lady
it was supposed to host I was gonna feature it's
gonna be screech as a headliner and The guy who
owned the venue just bet like one of the fuck
this lady's so bad that he was like hey I'm letting
that lady feature you're gonna host and he was
like i'll pay you the same price i was like yeah
whatever i don't give a shit so he paid me and
i had been you know i've been doing stand -up
for a couple years so i was like kind of sharp
you know especially for like that bar show and
this lady i he she had never done stand -up before
this was her first time this guy fucked her over
he thought he was doing something nice for her
she sat there for all the 20 minutes and read
out of a giant notebook And just fucking, like,
completely horrific. Like, a first -time stand
-up doing 20 minutes. Completely bombed. And
Screech was in the back with me, and he's like,
the fuck is this? I remember he was, like, bragging,
being like, dude, they gave me eight grand. I
don't give a fuck about this show. I knew a few
guys who their girlfriends started doing comedy,
and then their girlfriends started opening for
them. And it was just... Wild. For her sake,
you can't do that. No. That's such a bad idea.
It's so crazy. And these guys are like competent
headliners. So the people were coming to see
them. They're excited. Hey, we're going to go
laugh. Have a good time. Nope. No. You're going
to get tortured for 20 minutes before you get
to laugh. Also, that's not going to help him
either. She's going to be furious. I don't know
why people do that. You can't. Well, they want
to do it. Like, help me. Help me. That's one
thing that happens a lot with comedy couples.
Like, one of the couples will help the other
one write. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, okay, writing's
one thing, but like... But that's why they want
to do it. It's like they want to hook up with
a headliner, whether it's a guy or a girl. You
hook up with a headliner, he or she helps you
with your act, and then you go back and, you
know... It's also impossible, though, because
if you're dating a comic and then you book your
own opener, you can't be like, ah, next time,
I got you next time. You have to flat out be
like, no, I'm not, you're not doing this. Right,
and then you break up. Yeah. Yeah. But if you
really care about their comedy, you'd be like,
bro, you got to go to the open mics and, you
know. Yeah. Doing it in front of a sold out show
when you're just starting out is a crazy idea.
I couldn't imagine. I literally couldn't imagine.
It would have messed me up. Well, that's why
I killed Tony so nuts. Yeah. Like, there are
people who have gone on for their first time
ever in Madison Square Garden to a sold out arena
of 16 ,000 people. And then it's filmed for what,
like a couple million people? Millions of people.
You're out there eating dick. That must feel
crazy waking up the next morning. Yeah, just
like if you go to sleep. Let's imagine that you
can go to sleep. If I flub a word, I don't go
to sleep. They can go to sleep after that? Yeah,
you're essentially filming a one -minute special
the first time you do it. On Netflix. God damn.
Or on YouTube. Both of them are getting fucking
millions of views. I know. Dude, I'd be so scared
to do that. People who can do that, I'm like,
that's amazing. Go out there and do crazy. That's
actually true. Some of the people, when you're
interviewing them after they do the set, I go,
has this guy been screened? Do we need to make
sure he doesn't have a fucking knife on him?
They do need that airport fucking thing. Oh,
100%. Some of these people are out of their fucking
mind. I always wanted to hang in the bar, like
the holding tank where everyone is, because that's
got to be the craziest vibe in there. Well, you
remember open mic nights. Yeah, true. Open mic
night at the comedy store in particular was always
so nuts. Yeah. It was just a complete lunatic
asylum. It really is, dude. There's this one
guy, Robert William Apervaia, and he would come
there every week. He was a really nice guy. And
all of his act was about marijuana. And he, at
one point in time, was a lawyer and then, I guess,
blew a fuse. and then just was doing comedy,
but he would walk from downtown. He lived in
a flop house in downtown, and it would take him
hours. He would walk from downtown to the comedy
store, and when it rained out, the way he would
deal with the rain is he would take plastic grocery
bags and... tuck them inside of all of his clothing.
So he'd wrap them around his body. So he had
his clothing on the outside and these plastic
bags all over his body. That's so fucking funny.
The clothes were on the outside? Yeah. So he
let his clothes get wet, but his body would be
dry. Well, he couldn't figure out how to put
it all outside of him. Okay. So his solution
was just cover his skin and keep him from getting
wet and cold, which I guess would work. It'd
probably keep you sweaty too. Yeah, you'd sweat.
Yeah. Yeah. So he was like a staple and he would
go there every night late at night and he would
be like one of the last guys up at open mic night
every week whoa yeah and just was insane like
you couldn't you couldn't shake your hand couldn't
touch him he was always nervous that everybody
hated him and so he'd like be scared and i became
friends with him so he's cool with me i'd talk
to him but like one time i tried to give him
knuckles i'm like i sorry i forgot he just wouldn't
yeah he would like like mumble and look at the
ground like sorry yeah he was legitimately Cooked.
Yeah, he was wet. Whatever was going on. Ah,
fuck. Yeah, but he was a lawyer. And he just
blew a fuse. Jesus Christ. It happens. Yeah,
it does. You forget, well, at least I did, because
doing the open mics, it is like a complete freak
factory. A freak factory. But you're steeped
in that so much for years. And then I remember
when I finally stopped going to open mics all
the time. I was still in Philly, and I, like,
just took a break from the open mics. I would
go do shows, and I was like, let me go to the
open mic. It had been, like, six months. And
I was like, I'll go to one, try stuff out. I,
like, got in, you know, I'm sitting behind the
area. I was in, like, Philly Helium, just sitting
there at the open mic. And I just got, like,
right away, guys were like, dude, look at him.
He fucking sucks. And it was just, like, all
these people. I'm like, oh, this was, like, the
worst environment you can possibly be in. Yeah.
It was just, everyone was like, this guy's a
fucking piece of shit. I hate this guy. And everyone
was so fucking angry. And just everyone was so
charged on adrenaline all the time. on the outside
of this thing that they want to do, this dream,
and they get to try it. Like a regular person
with no training, no schooling, no nothing, you
get to stand on that stage with a microphone.
I went down a rabbit hole the other night, and
I was watching open mic nights from Long Island.
Oh, fuck, dude. It was so crazy. That would be
fun, though. It's so crazy watching someone that
definitely shouldn't be doing comedy that's trying
comedy for the first time. Yeah. And I was, you
know, it was one of those dumb things. It was
like midnight. Like, well, let me see. And they
have films. It's all kinds of stuff. Basically,
you find anything online. And I started watching.
I can only watch for so long that I get anxiety.
Yeah. I have to shut it off. That was like when
you do open mics and you finally do a showcase
and you invite your friends or your family to
watch and they're just like, what the fuck are
you doing? Who are these people? You're like,
they're my friends. I brought some of my friends
the first time I ever went on stage. I didn't
want to do it by myself. That was the opposite.
I didn't want anyone to see me for a long time.
Yeah, and I did a show one time because I have
a big family So I did a show and there's this
place a Raven lounge in Philly It was like awesome
like when we started tiny little black box thing
in the top of a bar It fit maybe like 25 people
and I have a big family. So I finally was like,
all right, I'm gonna bite my family out Dude,
I remember I was on stage and I knew like 17
out of the 25 people. And I was like, dude, fucking
kill me right now. This sucks. And they're staring
at you like this? Yeah, there's just all my aunt
in the front just like looking at me. And I was
like, no. Watching you choke. Watching you bomb.
For them. They were the audience. I'm like, fuck.
It's what that's, you know, the only way. It's
like. I know some people that have taken comedy
classes, and then that has kind of got them into
stand -up. Yeah, that's... It's a function of
comedy classes, and that function is, like, it
gets you to try it. I don't think anybody...
Maybe there's a few people out there that are,
like, legit comics that are teaching them, but
for the most part, not. So we had a comedy class
at Helium, and the thing was, if you... One,
if you took the comedy class, it let you in the
comedy classes contest. Then you can compete
with the other people in the class. And if you
won that, you got the hosting gig at Helium.
And it was a sweet deal. But it was so hard to
get in at Helium. So I had done stand -up for
a while. I took time off. And when I got back
into it, I was like, fuck it. I'm taking that
comedy class. I'm going to try to fast -track
myself into host. So I won the comedy class contest.
And then I got into Philly's Funniest. When I
won Philly's Funniest, I got, you know, they
were like. The improv theater across the street
was like, we'll let you host a comedy class and
we'll give you like 35 bucks an hour. Dude, I
had like no health care. I had nothing. I was
like, absolutely, let's do it. So I had a comedy
class and they showed up and I was like, all
right, never take a comedy class ever again.
I was like, don't ever do this ever again. This
is so dumb. You guys did this, but we're just
going to run this as an open mic. And I was like,
get up there. And I had them all go up and just
do like five. It was just an open mic. Well,
that'll work. Yeah, that's what I try to tell
them. That's what I try to tell them. But the
one I was at was, like, real sketchy, man. It
was very much like, I'm about to blow up. I'm
taking you guys with me. This is how it's done.
And you get out of it, and you go, this motherfucker,
bro. I got deals and development, blah, blah,
blah. It was fucking bullshit. There's so many
of those guys. I got blacklisted from Helium
because they found out I had a comedy class,
which was even a fake comedy class. I just wanted
the money for it. Did you try to tell them? Yeah,
I told the owner. I was like, bro, what are you
doing? He's like, love, man, just chill. And
I was like, can I do the open mic still? He's
like, you can do the open mic. And the guy found
out I was on the open mic, and they booted me
off that for like a month. Oh, my God. He was
out for blood. And I called him like, what the
fuck? Because I knew this guy. I'm like, what
the fuck are you doing? He's like, well, I didn't
call them. I'm like, okay, man. It was a big
thing. Well, there was talk when they were the
same people who own Cap City here now. There
was talk that if you headlined there, you couldn't
do my club for three months. It's crazy. And
I was like, come on, guys. Why? I said to him,
I'm like, if one of my friends is at your club,
I'm like, I'll tweet about it. I don't want this
to be competition. There's plenty of comedians
and there's plenty of audience members for everybody.
That's silly. Also, everyone's going to be fine.
Yeah, that's insane. That's crazy. Yeah, I don't
like that stuff. A young guy coming up, you're
banning him from the club because he's hosting
a comedy class for money? Yeah, it was nonsense.
Now we're cool. That comedy class is probably
going to lead more people to your club. It all
feeds off of itself. I know, and it was literally
like, well, maybe the word got out that I was
like, I'd never take a comedy class ever again.
Why? Did Philly have a class? Did Helium have
a class? That was the class I took. I took a
class at Helium. Oh, that's right. Because I
wanted to fast track myself to the host. Otherwise,
you had to do Philly's Funniest. He just said
it. Yeah, so I was like, I completely gamed it.
And I was like, fuck it. Because these were people
who had never done it before. I'd done it for
years. So I just went and did the class so I
could do the contest. Do you ever go back and
think about people that you knew in the early
days and you're like, I thought they were going
to make it? Yeah, there's a couple people that
I was like, this guy is like a celebrity. He's
got it. And it's just like, I don't know what
happened. They're just kind of like, I guess,
I don't know. It's weird. It is weird. There's
a few people that I started out with. I'm like,
damn, this dude's talented. There's something
there. Oh, no. Yeah, I know. It's funny you said
that. I'm like, I don't think so. Then I'm like,
oh, yeah, there was definitely at least one,
if not like. Two or three. Yeah. They would come.
This guy was always on his own time. He would
show up late, just walk on. I think there's some
people you just can't keep into a thing at all,
but their personalities are magnetic. Yeah. There's
some people that, for whatever reason, they never
figure out how to make a living at it. Yeah.
And then they get bored with it. Or they get
frustrated or something. Yeah, I couldn't imagine.
I'd see people go who would like, and everyone
bombs when you're starting out at open mics,
but there are people that bomb every time for
like years and they keep doing it. And you're
like, bro, how are you? How are you alive? How
are you doing this? I would have one bad set.
I'm like, I'm going to kill myself, dude. I hate
this. Some people just don't see it. And that's
also, they don't address it. And that's also
where they don't get any better. they don't have
any self -awareness. Yeah, that could be it.
And their perception of how people see them is
distorted. Yeah. No, that's kind of scary, actually.
Yeah, you want to put blinders up. It's pretty
cut and dry, though, when people are silent in
front of you. You're like, damn, I suck right
now. I should change something. But in the beginning,
it's just, it's such a weird, you're basically,
like, running a marathon blindfolded. Yeah. Like,
through trees. Dude, you have, like, finally,
when I did, like, a special, I was like, oh,
this is the point of it. You have to come up
with an hour of stand -up. Yeah. Before, I was
just like, I need to have a good five minutes
for tonight. And I would just go up and do it
and be like, great. And I would just go back
home with, like, no plan or anything. Well, that's
a lot of guys who live in cities where you do
short sets all the time. Yeah. We were talking
about that the other night in the green room.
Like, some guys who do. a lot of New York City
clubs, they have a really good 15 minutes. A
fucking crush for 15 minutes. But when they have
to do an hour, then things get weird because
they can't keep the same energy for an hour.
You have to pace it. It has to be hills and valleys.
You have to kind of structure it. And then they
also don't really have the material because they're
basically just doing their best 15 minutes all
the time. Yeah, true. I wasn't even really doing
stand -up. Me and Shane were doing the podcast
and I was like... I was going to do the podcast.
I don't even want to do standup anymore. And
then he, it was pretty funny behind my back,
went to the manager at helium was like, dude,
have Matt headline. And I was like, fucking dick.
And the guy hit me up. So I started doing that.
So I had been like not doing standup for how
long? For like months and months and months,
maybe a year off. And I had like, you know, I
went, you know, it was like, I would go and try
stuff. So then I started doing, when I first
started headlining, I would do an hour, have
off for like two months. Do an hour somewhere
else. It was the most insane. It, like, really
started fucking with me. Did you have recordings
to listen to at least? Yeah, I would record the
audio and I would listen to it and then I would,
like, jot down notes and, like, it was the most
insane way to get back into it. That was the
thing that we experienced after COVID. There
was a moment where I hadn't done stand -up in,
like, four or five months. Yeah. It felt so weird.
And then Houston had stand -up. They had clubs
open. And they, like, spaced people out and put
masks on them. Like, this is so ridiculous. Yeah.
And we were doing shows inside. And I only did
one weekend. And then I got super paranoid. I'm
like, what if I give it to someone and they die?
Yeah. I'm being so selfish that I want to do
these shows. Yeah. So I got to stop. So I had
this old lady on the podcast. And my first thought
was, what if I have it and I give it to her?
Damn, that would suck. I was so freaked out.
Yeah. I didn't have, I wasn't even remotely sick.
That was what was crazy. Like it was just a,
it was a boogeyman. For sure. It wasn't like
I'm coughing. Maybe I shouldn't come into work.
No, it was like, I feel great, but what if I
have it? I don't know. I know. Give it to this
lady. Yeah. I did. I had my first kid, right?
Like March. 2020 so it just we got out of the
hospital and like a week later I was like holding
my face in a grocery store to being like fuck
what well at least you could be with her when
she gave birth then yeah that was cool that was
what was crazy yeah people were dying alone because
you couldn't visit them while they were dying
and it was insane dude it was it was like and
luckily When we went in for our second kid, that
was, like, it was still kind of in the mix. We
were able to go in together, but, like, our nurse,
you know, if we didn't have, like, our mask on,
she was like, I don't know, whatever, I don't
care. Because I heard people were getting, like,
just, like, two weeks after we had our kid, people
were in there, like, I got to stay home, my wife's
in there by herself, blah, blah, blah. And it
was like... It was a disaster. But even navigating
that was crazy because it was like, you know,
I'd tell my wife, like, well, I want to go do
this. She's like, well, what if you bring it
all to all of us? And I remember just at one
point being like, then we're all going to fucking
get it, dude. I don't know. Like, we, I, you
know, I did the numbers. Like, I think this affects
older people or, you know. What time was this?
This would have been March. It was like March
2020. And then, like, the next six months. Because
I would, you know, I would like go try to do
stuff. He's like, if you go outside, we're all
going to get sick. I was worried about it. I
wasn't really confident that people weren't going
to get really fucked up by it until like a few
of my friends got it and got over it. Yeah. And
then my family got it and I didn't get it. And
I thought that was crazy because I tried to get
it. Like I didn't. Yeah. I didn't. I hugged my
kids. They were laughing. You're going to get
COVID. I was like, I'm not going to get it. And
part of my head was like, boy, I hope I don't
get it. Yeah. I never got it. I worked out and
I didn't feel so good. And I said, let me just
go through the paces today. And then I worked
out the next day, same thing. I'm like, I don't
feel so good. I feel like weak. So I just, let
me do like my kettlebell routine with like 35
pounds, just easy. Don't push it. Just a couple
sets. And so I did that two days in a row. And
then the third day I went to the gym. I'm like,
how do I feel? And I'm like, I feel fucking good.
Like I feel great. Like nothing feels wrong at
all. And I had a full workout and I felt fine.
So I was like, all right, I guess I didn't get
it. Yeah. And I went and got tested to see if
I had antibodies, like if I had recovered from
it. Nope. Never got in there. Yeah. I had sex
with my wife. She was coughing and shit. That's
awesome. That's such a fucking beast move, dude.
She was like, you're going to get it. I'm like,
let's find out. Let's find out. That is a beast
move. I'm like terrible at math, but I remember
looking up like, how likely is it to die from
this? And it was like 0 .00001 something. I was
like. I'm fine, man. .01. I know, but there was
so much propaganda. And it was like the thing
was we were in the middle of doing podcasts.
And we tested everybody when they show up, make
sure that nobody has it, tested all of the employees,
security guys, everybody that works for me. Everybody
got tested every day. We'd show up. We'd be separated.
Nurse would come with a mask on, test everybody.
And then once we had the results, then we would
allow the show to go on. I was like, I can't
fuck this up because if I fuck this up, I fuck
this up for everybody. Yeah, true. So I got to
be careful. Yeah. And I just didn't want my guests,
like the guests were flying in. They were taking
a chance. A lot of them were older, you know,
like a lot of professors, you know, they're flying
in to do this podcast. And I had to make sure.
And then someone ratted us out. So the health
department showed up. at the studio and they
wanted us to have a bag of masks like right when
you walk in. So we had to put a bag of masks
right there. We had to put a hand sanitizer thing
right there and then a sign that says like what
you're supposed to do, six foot distancing, all
that shit. I was like, all right. But they were
saying that we weren't socially distancing. We
saw him hug people outside the front door. That's
completely dystopian, man. That's crazy. Yeah,
I don't know why. You know what it was? Because
my parents were just like, because, you know,
the first time we all hung outside, both my parents
were like, bro, this sucks. We're just coming
inside. We're not doing this. And that was like.
Oh, my parents were terrified of it. My parents
didn't give a fuck. They were like, this is bullshit.
Yeah, my parents didn't want to hang out with
anybody until they got vaccinated. Really? Yeah,
they were real nervous about it. They're older,
you know? Yeah. It's like, when you get older,
you know, like, that's why a lot of these people
are like the. Neil Young's and Howard Stern's
and all those people that really freaked out
about it. They're older people. Yeah. So to them,
they're looking at they might be that one percent
that dies. Yeah. You know what I mean? Whereas
like you're young and healthy. You work out.
You'll be you'll probably be fine. You'll be
OK. Your wife's healthy. You'll be fine. When
you're an old person and you smell death in the
air already. Yeah. Every day you wake up, you're
like, oh. Your fucking back hurts. Oh, Jesus.
You can barely get out of bed. Fucking your feet
are swollen. Like, it could get you. Yeah, it's
crazy. I'm surprised my parents are like, you
know, I think they're like going to be 70 soon.
They were just kind of like, we don't give a
fuck, man. It depends on where you grew up. I
think that's what it was, man. They're just kind
of like, you know, they're all just like, fuck
that. You know, it's bullshit. No matter what
it was, it was fucking bullshit. Yeah, if you
grew up hard. You're not worried about a cough.
Yeah. I remember I finally got it. I finally
got it. Dude, it kind of, like, rocked me. The
first day, I had talked so much shit, and I got
it. I was like, bro, if I die, this is going
to suck so bad. It's like, but we got it. My
wife got it two days later, so then I had it.
You know, we had, like, a little kid, so I had
to, like, we just switched off. I kind of was,
like, recovered enough. So our kid never got
it. Kids can go right through it. Both of my
kids got it, and they just burned through it.
One of them had it more, but she's a little more
sensitive. She was pretty sick for a couple days.
Not scary, but she didn't feel good for a couple
days. The other one barely had it. It went right
through her. Yeah. Yeah. The one didn't get it
all. The one had like a runny nose. I was like
in bed for three straight days, just like hurt.
Super fever hurting. Were you taking any vitamins
at the time? No. At the time I wasn't living
very healthily. See, that's the thing. Yeah.
I'm all over the vitamins and I was all over
the vitamins then. And my wife back then, I don't
think not so much. Yeah. I don't think she did
as much. So when I was around everybody that
got it, it just never got to me. Yeah. No, I
was – we had like a relative newborn kind of
situation going on. That's a hard one. Your immune
system is going to be crushed anyway because
you're getting zero sleep. Yeah. Everybody is
like ready to fall asleep at any given time.
Watching TV. I've never recovered. I'm still
ready to pass out. Like I can fall asleep. I
go home and I'm fried. I take naps. That was
a big thing for coffee. Now I can take naps during
the day. I can't take naps when I drink coffee.
Oh, I never take naps. Oh, I love them, man.
A little siesta. The only time I ever take a
nap is if I have to do something really early
in the morning. So like if I do a set at night
and I'm not home until like 1230 and like maybe
I have to get up at six or something, I'll take
a little nap. Yeah. Just because for me. There's
a balance of what's more important, getting things
done, working out, or not getting into a deficit.
And for me, it's not getting into a deficit.
Because if I do a podcast and I'm sleepy, I get
so mad at myself. I'm like, what are you doing?
This is your one job. I know. Be awake and talk
to people. Sleep like a toddler. Oh, wow, that's
cool. So how long are we in Indonesia for? It
is embarrassing. You're like, what the fuck,
man? It's the worst. Just drinking coffee and
energy drinks and taking nicotine pouches and
just trying to fire the brain up. Yeah. When
I do that, my face just gets hot and I'm just
anxious. It's like, that's why, especially for
shows, like I try to travel, like I leave like
on an early, early flight, get where I'm going
and just take a big nap. Yeah. And then I wake
up and go do the show. One thing that I started
doing when I was on the road a lot was I would
go in on Thursday if I had a show on Friday.
Yeah. So I would get in Thursday night, sleep.
And then instead of flying in the day of the
show, because you're always a little foggy. It's
hard. And back then I wasn't on the nootropics
as much. I wasn't taking it with me on the road,
brain vitamins and shit, like alpha brain. But
now I don't fuck around. I don't travel without
that stuff. Yeah. No, you do need it. I do the
day of. I can't help it. I just go early, nap.
I did a show in Vegas last weekend that didn't
start until 10 p .m. Vegas time. I got there.
It was brutal. I got there, took a nap, woke
up at like 9 p .m. Vegas time. I felt like a
bug. You know what my trick for that is? The
moment you land, the moment you land, put your
shit in your hotel room, go straight to the gym.
No ifs, ands, or buts about it. You've got to
get a workout in. You've got to sweat, like really
sweat. Just really get it going. Do some push
-ups, whatever the fuck you want to do, but just
really sweat. And then it feels like it resets
your system. I can see that. That would wake
you up and kind of calm you down. Yeah, it resets
your system. Like, whatever the fuck happens
when you're on a plane, when you get off, you're
just like, brr. Dude, I feel like I've been microwaved.
Yeah, we have been kind of. Yeah, pretty much.
I feel, oh, I smell weird. It's like an x -ray.
You're getting an x -ray. Oh, fuck. Yeah. The
other day, I was like, maybe it's, like, good
for me somehow. I'm up here, and it's, like,
it's just, like, constricting my blood vessels,
and they, like, turn you into a superhero. Well,
I, like, was in Denver, and I ran, you know,
recently. I was, like, running and working out
in Denver, and I was like. Probably altered now.
I did like a 30 -minute workout. I'm like, I'm
probably totally different now. Well, I lived
above Boulder for a while. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And
then I had a gig in Philly. So I was living up
there for a couple of months. I was living at
8 ,500 feet above sea level. And I'd work out
up there. And then when I'd go down to Boulder
at 5 ,500, I had all this endurance. I was like,
this is crazy. Oh, in Denver. Yeah, from Boulder
to Denver, you're saying? No, from where I was.
I was in the mountains above Boulder. And so
I'd go down to Boulder. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.
It's like 55, 57, whatever it is. But I was at
85. Damn. Yeah, 8 ,500 feet above sea level.
Yeah, that's a lot. So then I did a gig in Philly,
and I went to the gym. And I remember I called
my friend. I'm like, dude, I feel like I could
run through a fucking wall. Damn, I want that
so bad. That's why a lot of athletes train. They
go to Big Bear in California. They train up there.
Damn. I kind of, yeah, I got to do it for like
just once, and I was like, dude, this is awesome.
Yeah, if you can live at altitude and train at
altitude and then go down to sea level, you feel
like you have superpower. Fuck, that's awesome.
So a lot of endurance athletes, like that's why
they put the Olympic Training Center in Colorado
Springs. That makes sense. Yeah, like training
at altitude is a legit hack. Yeah. I didn't realize,
because I've always wondered, like, why is it
so hard? And it's literally just the air thins
and there's less oxygen. Yeah. It's that simple.
And then your body has to adapt so you get more
red blood cells. Yeah. That's why they take EPO.
That's what EPO does for you. Oh, you don't have
to go to altitude. Well, I think a lot of them
do both. You know, they just go as hard as, they
push it to that, like, how much before I get
a stroke? It's true. I'm trying to win a gold
medal. I'm trying to win the Tour de France.
Dude, I just started, I started spring again.
Sprinting? Sprinting. Just all out, total sprints.
And just to see where I was at. I feel like if
you just stop, you can feel that like... you
know, age creep in a little bit. And there's
a lot, I think there's a lot of mental stuff
to be like, ah, you know, man, it just fucking
goes. But like, you know, if you're not like
testing it, you know, how do you know you're
just not letting yourself go anyway. So I like,
I was like doing it. I haven't been running like
that in forever. And dude, like my fingertips
would be numb. I would do a hundred. I would
do a hundred meter sprints and I like can't feel
my hand. Now I can. Now I can. I fixed it. And
now I, cause you like grow new veins and shit.
I swear to God, it's true. Are you a doctor?
I don't know. I've grokked, dude. We're all equal
now. But, dude, I remember being like, let me
see where I'm at. And I was like, bro, you really
do. You use it or lose it, man. And I can run
now. I did it this morning. I can sprint now,
and I don't get numb. It's pretty awesome. How
do you do it? Do you go to a track? I have a
track, yeah. I have a track near my house, and
I just fucking bolt early, super early in the
morning. You feel amazing all day. And so you
just pick a certain amount of distance you're
going to run? Yeah, I'll do, like, someday, like,
today I did, like, two 300s, two 200s, and then,
like, we're supposed to do four 150s. I got two,
and I was like, I'm tapped. So you're done in,
like, 15, 20 minutes. You're done. You go there,
I'm there at, like, 6 o 'clock, and I'm done
in 20 minutes. And you feel like, it's like you
were talking about, you run to a city and just
get, like, an all -out workout. Yeah. You feel
like you're walking on air for... the rest of
the day that makes sense there was a study recently
about explosive exercise and that that's one
of the things that's lacking in like older people
as they get older they stop doing any kind of
explosive exercise like sprinting yeah and how
beneficial that is for maintaining your health
and your ability to move around dude i'm telling
you like i lived that was like such a drastic
thing but i was like damn this is my circulation
is like going like i can't fucking run without
my hands feeling all like pins and needly that's
so weird and it just they came back now i can
do it my fingers Fingers feel fine. You're getting
in shape. Yeah, it's pretty nuts. Because that
was the thing. Cardio is always like, cardio
is dumb. Who cares? And then you're like, I learned.
I think it's just like you secrete growth hormone
and then your veins and capillaries start like,
you get literally, you get like new and wider
veins. It makes sense. It's pretty cool. It makes
sense. I mean, your heart is fucking pounding
out of your chest. Yeah. You're hitting 180 beats
per minute. It's like fucking forcing all that
shit through. Just clearing it out. Like, all
right, let's, what are we holding on to right
now? But see, like you never got fat or you never
got like really badly out of shape. When you
see a guy like Jelly Roll, like I have so. much
respect for that man. Yeah. I have so much respect
for that man. That dude lost 300 pounds. Dude,
how? He lost 300 pounds. No Ozempic. Just stopped
eating sugar. Wait, that was no Ozempic? No Ozempic.
He took testosterone replacement. That's it.
That's fucking sick. Sick. I just assumed. I
was like, he's got to be on Ozempic. He started
off just walking, man. That's awesome. Just trying
to walk. When he came here, last time we did
a podcast, he ran, I forget. I think he ran 6
.2 miles the day before. So they ran. He was
deer hunting down in South Texas. And he was
with my friend Cam Haynes. And they went on a
run. They did 6 .2 miles. They ran. And hills
and shit. Yeah. And then he came in here before
the podcast. He ran 2 .6 on the treadmill. So
I was working out. And he was over there running
and talking and laughing. Look how good he looks.
Yeah. How crazy is that? Fucking nuts. It's amazing.
It's amazing. I mean, we did the whole deal.
We did the sauna afterwards. It was awesome.
How long did he lose it? Three years. Three years.
God damn, that's crazy. And he did it the right
way. He did it the hard way, just working out
and eating right. No sugar, no bullshit, eating
clean food, and just slowly let his body drop
over and over again. He's got to feel awesome.
Yeah. It's got to be amazing. Damn. How would
you say that's doing, like, career -wise? If
he has, like, a persona and he's known as, like,
this, you know. He's got an amazing voice. Yeah.
I mean, the amazing voice is still amazing. Yeah.
Well, your voice changes with fluctuation with
weight a little bit. How does it change? I don't
know. I've heard like if you're like an alto
or something like that and you're at a certain
weight, it can change if you kind of – because
this is your diaphragm, I guess, and your stomach.
I know some dudes who lost a lot of weight and
they didn't like the way they look when they
were thin because their head was too big. Yeah.
Isn't that weird? Yeah. Like your head gets big
when you get heavier. Yeah. Oh, it just grows.
Yeah, it makes sense. It would grow with your
fucking body. Significant weight loss can change
a person's voice, often making it sound higher
pitched, lighter, or clearer due to reduced fat
accumulation around the larynx, throat, and chest.
These physical changes decrease pressure on the
vocal cords, improving breathing, resonance,
and reducing the effort required to produce sound.
So it makes you a better singer. But does it
though? Because like opera singers, aren't they
all fat? I think so. Classically. I wonder if
you have to be. I don't know. Are there any really
thin, handsome opera singers? Yeah, I don't know
about all fat. I like to just generalize. I think
it's a cartoon. I have the same thing. I'm like,
yeah, I've seen that in cartoons as well. Oh,
those are the big fat jolly guys. Fat lady with
Viking helmet. Yeah, it's always. But that sounds
good, though. So your voice gets clearer, higher
pitched. And it's not as much effort. Yeah. Sounds
like that's R &B legend status then. You can
do high notes. cat cardio like you'll have way
more cardio your heart won't beat as fast you'll
be able to have more oxygen to sing yeah dude
it's all good yeah that's awesome I mean his
voice is amazing and it's his songwriting too
it's not just the voice it's like what he's singing
about it's like that's not gonna get worse yeah
and his fans I have it like a weird thing in
my head where like for comedy I'm like if I get
in too good of shape people are gonna be like
fuck this guy which I don't that's not what's
stopping me but it's like you always wonder about
that like I wonder if they'd be like damn Right.
You know what I mean? Well, that is a weird thing.
I never go on stage with a t -shirt on. Yeah,
if you're too jacked, yeah. I would never go
on stage with a tank top on. Tank might be kind
of funny. Tank would be kind of funny. That's
crazy. That would be crazy. Rich Voss used to
do that all the time. He always wore a tank top
on stage. That makes perfect sense. Yeah, Voss.
Yeah. Character. Like Kid Rock style. I just
saw, did you see the workout vid? No, what do
you mean? You didn't see the Kid Rock Robert
Kennedy workout vid? Shut up. You didn't see
this? No. Bro. You said he did it off social
media, so he must have really got off social
media. I'm off social media. Dude, it is. It's
very funny. I'm off social media, but apparently
I'm not off the fucking news, which I think I
have to be off now. Yeah. Because I haven't been
gone on social media, but I'll read the Apple
News feed and the Google News feed, and I'm like,
fuck. That's basically scrolling, too. I tried
the same thing. I was reading about B -52s headed
to some Air Force base, nuclear -equipped B -52s.
I'm like, what are we doing? Yeah. So let me
see this workout video. It's Kid Rock and, oh,
Jesus Christ. Bro. Oh, this must be Kid Rock's
house. Yeah, I think so, yeah. Rock out, workout.
RFK Jr. works out in jeans. Yeah. Look, he always
works out in jeans, which is so crazy. Yeah,
this is Kid Rock's house. Kid Rock has a fucking
insane house that looks like the White House.
The outside of it looks like the White House,
but the inside of it has two bedrooms, and it's
like 25 ,000 square feet. It's an enormous house
with two bedrooms. Yeah, it's all just party.
He's got a huge hot tub room. Look at R .F .K.
Jr.'s fucking track, dude. He's jacked up. He's
awesome. For $70 on the Airdyne. Look at him
doing push -ups. These guys are doing the Airdyne
in the sauna. I know. Wild. Yeah, I think they
go to his like. Cold plunge with jeans on? Cold
plunge jeans. What are you doing? What the fuck
are you doing? That is ridiculous. What's wrong
with your legs? Now I need to know. Where's kid?
So this is his crazy room that looks like a mining
like cavern. I've heard of his secret grotto.
He's got like this. It's really cool. He's really
into pickleball too. He plays pickleball every
morning. That's what he's telling me. He goes
like, get up. Play pickleball, 7 a .m. Play pickleball.
He's like, dude, I fucking love it. That's what
it looks like. Look at how dope that is. His
house is so dope. It's the fucking dopest house
I've ever seen in my life. Yeah, that's awesome.
And it's such a kid rock house. The outside of
it looks exactly like the White House. That's
impressive. Just larger. I don't want you to
be distracted from the whole milk they're drinking
in the hot tub. Oh, they're drinking raw milk.
That's raw, bro. Yeah. Can I bring your attention
to something that's been happening on the internet
since we've been live? Yes. President Trump was
asked about Obama talking about the aliens. I
got a video on the screen. Perfect. I want to
hear it myself. Yeah. Barack Obama said that
aliens are real. Have you seen any evidence of
non -human visitors to Earth? Well, he gave classified
information. He's not supposed to be doing that.
So aliens are real? Well, I don't know if they're
real or not. I can tell you he gave classified
information. He's not supposed to be doing that.
He made a big mistake. He took it out of classified
information. No, I don't have an opinion on it.
I never talk about it. A lot of people do. A
lot of people believe it. Do you believe it,
Peter? I do now. I may get him out of trouble
by declassifying. I may get him out of trouble
by declassifying. That's hilarious. I may get
him out of trouble by declassifying. Jeez, I
hope he does. Yeah, really? Yeah. Imagine you
can get in trouble as a president for saying
aliens are real. I don't think so, man. I don't
think he's going to get in trouble for that.
Well, what did he say then? What was that? They've
been saying there's aliens. Right, but what did
he just say? He just hates Obama. He's going
like, oh, he's going to jail. I'm getting Hillary
and I'm getting Obama for aliens. They all hate
each other and they all hang out and shake hands.
Yeah. Yeah, whose funeral was that when George
Bush and them were handing out candy to each
other? It was like George Bush. Well, George
Bush and Michelle Obama are apparently friends.
Oh, they're buddies. Yeah. Okay. Which everybody
thought. But George Bush never engaged in this
insult kind of thing that Trump does. It's true.
It's a different thing. Yeah, that's totally
true. He was always very classy. Yeah. Yeah.
And especially when you see the videos of him
back in the day, now you're like, man, this guy's
lovable. Oh, dude, in comparison to the politicians
of today? That's what I'm saying, yeah. He was
like, oh, when is he running again? The guy's
a complete class act. And then you're like, oh,
yeah, fuck the Middle East. Forgot about that,
but it's like. Oh, yeah. Well, he had Satan on
his side. Yeah, true. Dick Cheney was running
around fucking shooting his friends in the face
and hunting trips. That's true. I don't know.
I mean, that thing is like, dude. Was it classified?
But then if Trump's going to be like that he
gave out classified, then he's letting you know
it's classified. He's telling you the cat's out
of the bag. Well, he's saying I may declassify
it. I hope he does. I hope this gets him. Because
that is a weird thing to say. He's not supposed
to be saying that. Well, that means it's real.
He gave out classified information. That means
there's real data that aliens are real. That's
the only thing you could draw as a conclusion
from that statement. Yeah. Right? Yeah, you would
think. I don't think he's—I would try to come
up with another reasonable way he would say aliens
are real. You shouldn't say that because it's
classified. Yeah. That means it's real. Yeah,
it is, but that's such a crazy—if Trump was trying
to keep it classified, you'd think he'd be like,
I don't know what he's talking about. I don't
know, dude. Being like, well, yeah, they are,
but I can't say they are, and he's in trouble
now. I told you I've talked to Bob Lazar many
times. Oh, yeah. I had him on the podcast. I
had dinner with him and Andrew Schultz. Schultz
was in town in L .A. I go, what are you doing
tonight? And he goes, why, what's up? I go, you
want to go have dinner with Bob Lazar? He's the
guy that used to back engineer UFOs at Area 51.
He goes, fuck, yes. Damn. All right. So we went
to Fogo de Chao in L .A. That's awesome. And
we sat down with Bob Lazar and just got to ask
him all these questions. I've known him for years
now. So I've known him for probably, when I did
the podcast with him, what year was that, Jamie?
2019? 2019. So I've known him for six, seven
years now, however it runs out time -wise. And
he's always had the same story. He's a very reasonable
guy. I've had dinner with him a couple times.
Super normal guy. Doesn't seem like a big, fat
liar. Obviously a scientist. Obviously a very
brilliant guy. Like, I don't know what to think.
I keep searching for some bullshit. I keep searching
for something. He never saw any aliens. He never
saw anything. He just was back engineering these
crafts that didn't make any sense. He's like,
he got there. He saw it. The moment he saw it,
it looked like that thing. That's what it's based
on. That thing on the desk, that's the sport
model. Jesus Christ. There's a guy named Designs
by Perry, and the E in Perry is a three, and
he makes these. You can buy them on the internet.
He makes like a desk clock or a desk lamp, rather.
So he'd have to examine the motor or whatever,
the mechanisms of that, and try to fix it? Well,
they didn't even tell him what he was doing.
So this is what it was. So he worked at Los Alamos,
Los Alamos Labs in New Mexico. And he was a propulsions
expert. He had famously put a jet engine on the
back of a Honda. He built a Honda with a jet
engine on it just for funsies. He was just a
genius. He just loved engineering and doing things.
And he had contacted this guy about getting some
work. work in laboratories or whatever. And he
said, I might have something for you that is
more along the lines with your capabilities.
I'm going to set up a meeting for you. So he
sets up this meeting for him. He has no idea
what the meeting is about. He has no idea what
they're doing. They don't tell him. They just
started asking him about his background, what
he did at Los Alamos, what he's interested in.
And he's like, it just tells his whole story
of science and this and that. And so they had
already heard about him. So they go, okay. Show
up at this place. There's airplanes that are
going to fly you out to where you're going. So
he's like, okay. So no one even knew about these
airplanes back then. Now it's been confirmed
that there's a bunch of airplanes right outside
of Mandalay Bay. You could see these airplanes
that they fly, the employees that work in Area
51, and they live in Las Vegas. They just fly
them out there. But nobody knew about this in
1989 when he was talking about it, when he blew
the whistle on it. Yeah, yeah. And so they fly
them out there. Show him how everything works
for a couple days in terms of how the base works
and where you have access to, what you don't
have access to. They bring him this guy that
is his co -worker that was there before. And
then it was going to show him the ropes. And
then a couple days in, they bring him into a
hangar. And there's that thing. And it has an
American flag sticker on it. And so he goes,
oh, these are ours. He's like, oh, my God, no
wonder why people are seeing these things. This
is something that we have. So then they tell
him, essentially tell us how it works. He's like,
what is this, a test? Like, they're very vague
about everything. No one's telling him where
it came from. No one's telling him anything.
And then he realizes, like, the whole thing doesn't
make sense because there's no welds. There's
no seams. It's like it's 3D printed and you have
to crawl in it because it's designed for people
that are like three feet tall. Whoa. And there's
no controls in it. It's like, what is this? And
there's this generator in the center of it that
has this triangle piece of this element that
doesn't even exist on Earth. This element 115.
He's like, wait, what the fuck is going on? And
they explained to him, you bombard this element
with radiation. This is how this thing works.
You put this dome on it. It gets bombarded with
radiation. And then that causes this field around
this craft that allows you to move around. And
so they do a demonstration for him. He goes outside.
They fly this thing. When he's under it, he can't
see it. He has to step away from where he is
so he can see it again. He's like. What the fuck
is this thing? It's not making any noise. It
moves around. It gives off this like glowing
light when whatever that, whatever this generator
inside of it is operational. It gives off this
blue glowing light. And this thing was like silently
flying around. And occasionally it would go from
one point to another very quickly. Like it could
go from like this part of the mountain to that
part of the mountain and just appear there. And
it would look like it just disappeared because
it would move so fast it would just. appear in
a new place, it seemed like. What was steering
the thing? I don't understand it, and he didn't
understand it either. They don't exactly know.
He knows how supposedly this generator, there's
these gravity beam projectors that are on the
bottom of it, and the way you get it to fly fast,
it would turn sideways, and then it would point
these gravity projectors, or whatever they called
it, into a certain direction. It would create
this... void around this craft and it would just
instantaneously go to wherever it was supposed
to go. That's crazy. Right. And so he's working
on this for, you know, months and months. And
then his wife starts having an affair on him
because he doesn't. tell her what he's doing
it's like super top secret and so when you have
this super top secret clearance you can't tell
anybody what you're doing so he's like i gotta
go to work she's like it's 11 o 'clock at night
where are you going he's like i have to go to
work so he would just jet off and she was like
well i'm gonna go fuck my flight attendant yeah
or my flight uh instructor so this is all recorded
because they're tapping his phones and so they
they suspend him Because they were wondering
if he's going to be emotionally unstable. So
while he's suspended, he takes his friends. He's
like, I got to tell people about this. Like,
I can't even work. Something's going on. I got
to tell these people. Like, hey, every Wednesday
I have the schedule. Every Wednesday they fly
these fucking things. And the reason why they
do it on Wednesday is because that's when there's
the least amount of traffic on the roads. So
he takes his wife and he takes a couple of friends
and he takes them up to see this thing. And they
go once and then they go twice and then they
get caught. Damn. And then when they get caught,
then they grill him. They scare him. They're
poking him in the chest with a gun and they're
freaking him out. And then they tell him about
his wife and the affair and all this shit. And
so then he goes public. And so he gets a hold
of this guy, George Knapp. who's a news reporter
in Las Vegas. And he tells him the story. Initially,
they black his face out so he could remain anonymous.
He's like, look, the only way I can stay alive,
you have to show my face. Because they're threatening
him. They broke into his house. He goes outside.
He goes to the gym, goes outside. His trunk is
open. His hood is open. All his doors are open.
The car was locked. No one broke into it. So
he has no idea. They're fucking with him. And
he's really worried. Someone shoots his tire
out on the highway. Where is he now? Just chilling?
Well, he's – I don't know if I'm supposed to
say where he lives. Oh, whatever. But he's, like,
around. Yeah. No, he's around. I mean, this is
a long time ago. It was a long time ago. And,
you know, he was kind of discredited. They tried
to discredit him. They said he never worked at
Los Alamos Labs. But then someone got a hold
of the employee roster from the time that he
was working there, and his name's listed there.
So someone who worked there at the time said,
I have the employee roster from, you know, 1985
or whatever it was. And he says, like, sure,
right here. And they go through the roster and
it says right there, Robert Lazar. And there's
also a newspaper article that was printed about
him being a physicist at Los Alamos Labs and
that he had made this crazy jet engine powered
Honda. And so there's him with the Honda and
he's listed in this lab that he's a physicist
at this lab. Dude, that shit's so weird. And
then what that guy just said? Yeah. What Trump
just said? He's not supposed to say that. It's
classified. Yeah. What? Why don't you fucking
tell us? Well, I always wonder if they're going
to try to do like a Space Force thing where it's
like WMD is the Middle East. We go to the Middle
East. Now they're going like, yeah, I think there
are aliens. And it's like now we get to do like
Space Force shit. I think if they're aliens,
you can't do shit to them. I know, but it's also
like if you want to erect some weird defense
thing in outer space so we can spy on China,
it's like, yeah. I think there probably are aliens,
by the way. I would imagine there's something.
I would imagine there's something. Because the
government, whenever they start floating out
things, I assume there's an agenda. I'm like,
all right, what are they doing here? 100%. Because
they just dropped aliens on us out of nowhere,
and everyone was kind of like, okay. Well, it
really started around 2017. That's when it started
to become legitimized. that was when the new
york times printed this article about it and
they talked about these pilots and their experiences
and these videos that they couldn't explain because
these crafts had no heat signature and they were
flying in ridiculous speeds over the ocean yeah
i remember them just coming out with it and then
like And then they start doing the UAP thing
and all that stuff, and they're like, yeah, there's
unidentified crafts and blah, blah, blah. So
I'm always kind of like, what are they up to?
Yeah, it's weird. What the hell are these guys
up to right now? It's hard to know what's real
and what's not real, but when you start talking
to pilots and people that have experienced certain
things, you just go, wow, what is this guy saying?
Yeah, and again, I don't deny it. I'm always
kind of like, yeah, you probably did see that
stuff, but it's like, I don't know. Why is it
classified? I would imagine it's military stuff
where they're like, we want to reverse engineer
and use it for our military if this gets into
another military's hands, blah, blah, blah. But
then they're all spying on each other, so I would
imagine they would know, too. Well, the people
that I've talked to said that Russia and China
both have retrieved crashes. Really? Yeah, it's
not just America that has them. It's other countries
that have them, too. Damn. Supposedly. This is
the big story. Supposedly. There's one that's
so big that they can't move it, so they built
a building around it. That's supposed to be in
Korea. What? Supposedly. That's why I heard it's
in Korea. But yeah, this is the lore, that this
thing is so big that they couldn't move it, that
they had to put a building around it. Dude, that's
wild. That'll be the thing I always think about
if they come out and say, yeah, there's definitely
aliens. Like, what do people do? Yeah. This is
the building, supposedly? Whoa. A giant building
in South Korea is off mid -sided as a potential
UFO storage facility. Can you imagine if they
just built it the shape of a UFO? That kind of
looks like it, honestly. That's so crazy. Dude,
do a square building. What's in that fucking
building? I don't know. Imagine if that's real.
Yeah, what is this? Why are they... Why do they
think this? Well, I would imagine that place
would have to be heavily guarded. Yeah. It was
just a gate. Who's that guy? Eric Burleson insisted
on the existence of aliens but admitted he has
no definitive proof. Okay. I was talking to that
video. I showed you the other day. He said he
was going to go look at these places. He was
going to go look in Korea? He mentioned he was
going to go look at the underground one. He didn't
say where it was. Oh, this is the congressman.
The congressman's claim. So scroll down there
a little lower. So here is US congressman has
claimed classified facility housing a UFO is
hiding in plain sight Well, that's kind of hiding
in plain sight. They literally made a little
antenna on the top just like this sport model
Look at this sport model. It has that intent
on the top. I Don't know what to believe man,
but I know I want to believe 270 feet in diameter.
Holy shit. Yeah, it's fucking as insane Yeah,
especially now with all the deepfake stuff that's
going to come out. The next election will be
in deepfake territory. Everyone will be like,
you were on the Epstein list. You were on it.
No, you were. I'm like, I'm just, you know. You
could have people saying all kinds of things
that they've never said. Or being like, I didn't
do that. Hanging out with people that never hung
out. I mean, there was all these photos that
were fake of Epstein with a bunch of different
people. Oh, yeah. No, there was a completely
fake video people were sharing. Yeah. It's like,
you know, so I don't know. By that time, it's
like. I've been trying to just pull back completely
from like the news and I'm like, you know. Hey,
what is the official story of the Colbert show
where they had to air that Tallarico interview
on YouTube? Because I'm hearing two versions.
I'm hearing one version is that CBS wouldn't
let them air it because like Trump. was involved
in the government, was involved somehow or another
because they're worried about this Tallarico
guy, this very charismatic guy in Texas that
I really like. Very nice guy. I'm on the show.
Brian Simpson told me about him. And then the
other thing that I'm hearing is, no, with FCC
equal time rules, if he had Tallarico on, he
would also have to have Tallarico's opponent,
which is, I think, Jasmine Crockett. Is that
true? I don't even know. Whoever his opponent
is. So I think there's rules like that for the
FCC that don't exist for podcasts. You know what
I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. They have to balance
it. Yeah. Like if you have this person on that's
running for office, you also have to have someone
that is opposing them. Okay. They have to have
equal time. I didn't know they had that. Is that
true? So he was on Colbert. Whose show was he
on? Yeah. Stephen Colbert show. Okay. And so
they were framing it like it was the government
was censoring this guy because they're worried.
And he was saying they're worried that they're
going to flip Texas. That's what he was saying.
I don't know if that's true, though, because
I'm. So it's the difference. Honestly, this sounds
like it's Colbert saying one thing. CBS lawyers
are saying a different thing. Okay. What are
CBS lawyers saying? They're saying that it's
the FCC thing. Colbert says, quote. Here they
know damn well every word of my script was approved
by CBS lawyers who for the record approve every
script that goes on Yeah, but it's not about
the script It's about the humans the people that
are on if the people are yeah here It is the
show provided legal guidance that the broadcast
could trigger the FCC equal time rule for two
other candidates including rep Jasmine Crockett
and presented options for how equal time for
other candidates could be fulfilled. So you would
have to have equal time. Colbert scoffed at the
statement during Tuesday's show. They know damn
well every word of my script, but it doesn't
have anything to do with the script. Said they
don't know damn well that every word of my script
last night was approved by CBS lawyers who, for
the record, approved every script that goes on
the air. Well, that's just diverting because
that's not what the subject is. Okay. I got called
backstage to get more notes from these lawyers,
something that had never, ever happened before.
They told us the language they wanted me to use
to describe that equal time exception, and I
used that language, Colbert said, so I don't
know what this is about. He went on to say he
wasn't mad at the network and does not want an
adversarial relationship. Well, he's on his way
out anyway. Yeah, I didn't know he still was
doing a show. Yeah, he's doing it, I think, until
like... April or May or something. Come on, you're
paramount. No, no, no, you're more than that.
You're paramount plus, he cracked. And for the
lawyers to release this statement without even
talking to me is really surprising. The host
also noted there's been a long, very famous exception
to the equal time rule, and that exception included
talk shows, interviews with politicians. Oh,
interesting. So that makes it interesting. We
looked. We couldn't find one example of this
rule being enforced for any talk show interview,
not only for my entire late night career, but
for anyone's late night career going back to
the 1960s, he said. Colbert said that Carr has
not gotten rid of that exception for talk show
hosts yet. Maybe CBS was worried that this is
a rule and that the government. could crack down
on them, although no one has ever done that in
the past. So this is a different kind of government,
right? Obviously. It's a very adversarial relationship,
CBS, or at least the Colbert Show has already
with Trump. Yeah. What are they worried about?
Who is, what party is Tallarico? He's a Democrat.
Democrat. And what's Crockett? She's a Democrat
as well. She's a Democrat too. So what is like,
oh, they're running against each other. Exactly.
Exactly. Yeah. OK. Tallarico is the white guy.
He's a guy. His story is very interesting. He
was a school teacher. OK. And his story was that
he had this kid that was very troubled in his
class. But the kid was receiving counseling and
was starting to get better. Then budgets got
cut. And when budgets got cut, they cut off the
counseling. And this kid started. fucking off
and, you know, acting out and really falling
apart. And he wound up getting kicked out of
school. And it really hurt him because he was
like, this kid had, like, real potential. And
he is a teacher, you know? Yeah. And so then
he decided to run for office and to try to remedy
these problems. Got you. So didn't he just get,
like, jammed up with something now? Or, like,
someone claimed they were in his office and that
he said something kind of, like, disparaging
about, like, a black guy? Tallarico? He's a very
mild -mannered looking guy, right? Yeah. I don't
know if I'm getting my politicians... See, man,
when people are running against people, stories
start a -flying. But it was about another politician.
All he said was, like, I didn't know I was going
up against, you know, this, like, I don't know,
I guess, like, whatever word he used, like, electrifying
black... I thought I was going up against a mediocre
black guy. That was it. Some lady claimed that
he called Colin Allred a mediocre black man.
Faced allegations that he referred to his opponent
Colin Allred as a mediocre black man during a
private conversation with an influencer. An influencer?
Yeah. A comment Rep Tallarico has denied. The
allegation caused significant backlash with All
Red calling for supporters to vote for another
candidate, Jasmine Crockett. Yeah, so it's like...
Yeah, that's a way to get people to not vote
for that guy. Yeah, it kind of sucks. An influencer
said it? An influencer was like, I worked in
his campaign, and he was like, if I'd known I
was going up against this strong black woman,
I wouldn't have known. I thought I was running
against a mediocre black man. And then the guy
responded being like, nothing about me is mediocre.
You know, they kind of had it. Into what the
penalty is for the equal time rule. And I don't
really see one. Poor Tallarico. Tallarico's having
a tough time. Especially if it sounds like he's
a sweet guy who's trying to help kids out. His
name's too close to the guy that killed Epstein.
What was his name? Taglioni. Taglioni, Tallarico.
I keep confusing them. When I say the killer's
name, that cop. I keep saying I think his name
is Tagliato - no, Tallarica? No, shit. It's going
to catch up to him. He's like, I think this guy
killed Epstein, actually. Yeah. The thing is,
like, an influencer said, like, what does that
mean? Yeah, I mean, look, yeah, it's pretty genius,
though. If you want to do dirty politics, you
can just be like... But what if he said, I thought
I was going up against this mediocre guy, and
now I'm going up against this powerful black
lady? It's not a bad... But then he was like,
you know, I'd be like, that makes sense. But
he is a black man, so if you're saying mediocre
guy and it happens to be a black man, and then
that person says, he said mediocre black man,
like... Yeah, it's not even that bad of a thing
to say. All you'd have to do is just not say
the black part, and you'd be like, oh, he's just
talking about a politician. I know. The guy's
mediocre. I know. Happens to be black, but he's
mediocre. But as soon as you describe him accurately.
Yeah, you're fried. You're fried. Especially
if you're a Dem, man. If you're Dem, you cannot
be going. No. Yeah. He's a religious guy, too,
which is interesting, but also opposes putting
the Ten Commandments in schools. Okay. That's
fair. Yeah, he said, I think it's going to push
people away from Christianity. He had a very.
Well thought out point about it. Yeah, we had
a really good conversation So you don't need
to be in school and be like thou shall not commit
adultery. It's like yeah, dude They're not gonna
fuck your wife like well, it's not that it's
you're pushing this religious rule these religious
rules on people and it's one religion It's like
what about people that are Buddhist? What about
people that are Muslims? What about people that
are more hands? What about you can go down the
list forever and ever and ever Hindus like what
come on? Yeah, and it's also you can you know,
you can kind of summarize it up and like, just
be nice. You know, I, I worked in a high school
for a while. I was a counselor. Oh really? Yeah.
I was like a, I went to school for social work
for a while. So like what kind of counseling
would you do? Just like therapy. I would, there
was, it was, it was a really cool way. They did.
It was like, it was, you know, it was a charter
school and I was there as an intern because I
was, I was getting my master's in social work.
So they would have interns there as therapists
for the. school kids basically so that the kids
could get free therapy at school if they're exhibiting
kind of problems or whatever so it was like i
worked at a like it was like an inner city school
in philly and i would just go there and chill
in an office and they were just like i'd have
to get kids in class and they would just come
we like talk a couple times a week and then you
could bring their family in if they if they're
like they have problems at home you can be like
all right let's call the mom and dad this is
what this guy was talking about this is what
talarico was talking about what they cut funding
for yeah it's a shame because this this school
was like they kind of like ran at them i guess
they're getting funded by the But the way they
got around it was just using interns. So it wasn't
like, you know, you're not getting like the most
experienced people in the world. But you're getting
some help. Getting something, man. Well, this
kid that he was talking about, he had this very
detailed story about this kid who was like a
good kid, just came from a fucked up house. And
he wanted, and these people around him were the
only positive influences that he had ever had.
And he was starting to get better. Yeah. And
then they took it away and he starts falling
apart. Yeah. And dude, it's also like. You forget,
like, you know, because for kids, especially
when you're in a city and kids are telling you
their lives, it's fucking heartbreaking. It is.
Their day -to -day setup, you'd be like, fucking
Christ, man. And then they're just looking at
you like, what do I do? And I'm like, you've
got to hang in there. There's literally nothing
I can tell you to do. You've got to hang in there.
Right. It was sad, but it was one of my favorite.
If I didn't do stand -up, I would probably do
that for a job. I loved it. It was fun. Well,
it sounds very rewarding, right? Yeah. You're
actually helping people. Yeah. And you have to,
it's just like intense. You're just sitting there
in a room with someone and it's like everything
they're saying, there's no like guidance. You
have to just be like, all right, well like maybe
this, maybe that. And it's like a, I don't know.
I felt really, I always liked it a lot. It was
pretty cool. But then you would like, you go
back to the school and I, it's so funny. I went
to social work school just because I was doing
standup. I was kind of kicking around. I was
like, yeah, I was doing the podcast, but it was
like slow going. And I remember watching Jordan
Peterson be like, the schools are crazy right
now. Now part of me, like I always, I wanted
to be a therapist, but I remember being like
kind of curious, like I wonder how bad they are.
And I went to school, I went to my master's program
in social work, which was like ground zero for
all like the stuff he was talking about. And
he was, dude, it was, it was literally like worse
than he made it out to be. What was it like?
It was insane, dude. It was literally like, you
know, I went to school again to be a therapist,
but like social work, you can be a therapist
faster than if you go to school for psychology
because you just like don't need any of the science
really. You just study kind of like the theory
and, you know, whatever. So you can be a therapist
quicker. It's like a shortcut kind of. But it
would be like, it was just, you'd be in a room
with like 13 other people and they would like,
you know, you talk about whatever it'd be. Like,
let's talk about like clinical approaches here
and there. And it would just right away turn
into like race, gender, who's the most oppressed,
do this. And it was just like, people would tell
stories. Like one time this guy said this to
me and everyone was like, I can't believe that
fucking guy said that. It was literally like
nothing. He paid 60 grand. It was like, like
I would be terrified if I was getting therapy.
And again, it's like not everybody, but there's
a lot of very, people would cry in class. So
you'd be like talking and like people would just
start bursting out in tears. Like, I don't feel
safe. It was insane. And I'm like, dude, you're
going to be talking to people who are like homeless.
How are you going to help them? And it was all
female. It was mostly female dominated. It was
like me and three or four other guys. And then
like people would come in because you'd bring
your case files in and be like, here's something
I'm dealing with. Let me get some, you know,
what do you think about this? I remember this
guy was dealing with this like Vietnam vet who
like, you know, had like lived in Philly his
whole life. And he was like, I was just shocked
the way he talked about women. And it's like,
bro, you're dirty macking your client, dude,
for these chicks. I'm like, come on, man. It
was just kind of weird. It was like, did you
know? He's a fucking 70 -year -old dude. He's
lived in Philly his whole life. He probably stabbed
Charlie in a tunnel somewhere. Yeah, and he was
just very crude about women. It's like, come
on, man. Of course this guy is. Don't throw him
under the fucking bus. You're supposed to be
helping. That was my whole point. It was like,
if you're doing therapy with people, it's like,
you know, life is just so hard and so complex.
And if you're going to be like... This doesn't
sit with my party politics. I was like, you guys
got to drop the political shit, man. And just
like meet these people where they're at. Well,
there's so many guys out there that just want
brownie points. That's what I, and dude, he's
exactly what it was. I was like, dude, I know
what you're doing right now. You're dirty macking
this guy. So you can be like, personally, I was
offended. I'm like, dude, I was the worst. I
could, I couldn't stand it at all. These guys
are the worst. Then they try to kick me out of
the school. Because when Shane got in trouble
for SNL, my name popped up in the byline because
they had no clue. It was like a double life.
I would go to social work school because I just
took out loans. I'm like, we'll just see what,
you know, if the podcast works, I'll just pay
off the loans. If it doesn't, I'll have a degree.
And so I had been, it had been pretty contentious
because my plan was like, dude, just go keep
it cool. Don't say anything. And then, dude,
you'd be in these classrooms. And like, I remember
the one time this lady and they're all like young.
They're right out of college. They come out and
they'd be like, well, and I believe this is like
unprompted. She was like, well, if she was like,
I would never personally call the cops on a black
person ever. And I'm just sitting in the back
of the room, and I'm like, no one's going to
say this is the craziest thing. And I'm like,
what if he was beating a woman? And she was like,
I mean, like, and, like, it was just that non
-fucking -stop. And I couldn't help it, so I
would start saying stuff. The room would go into
chaos. So, like, I literally couldn't bite my
tongue. And then eventually they found—once they—they
already kind of had it out for me. And once that
news came out about the podcast, they were like,
we got him dead to rights. So then they— They
like the student council, like they, all of them,
they didn't like me at all. They all kind of
did a motion to get me kicked out. And so the
teacher came or like, you know, the Dean or whatever,
who actually was nice. I liked her a lot. She
was like, I had a meeting with her and she was
like, yeah, these people feel unsafe, blah, blah,
blah. So I had to do it. And it was like unsafe
or they just don't, you know, they don't like
what they're hearing. But like they, I had a
meeting with like the board basically, which
you ever like fantasize about getting like defending
yourself in court. yeah i got to do that and
i got to have like a you know we got to like
debate about whether or not i actually violated
the code of ethics and it was like kind of this
gray area so it was like it was awesome i recorded
it on my phone wow it's like an hour long it's
i never listened to it again but it was like
because i was like just in case they jam me up
the lady was like you know like if what would
you do if we kicked you out and i was like dude
like I'll make the most of that for sure. Like,
I wouldn't want to do it, but I would just see
you guys, man. Like, you can't kick me out. I'm
already, like, invested. You know, blah, blah,
blah. And then COVID happened, so, like, they
were just hushed at all. I just got to finish
online class. Yeah, they tried to give me the
boot, and I remember the day. Did they have a
specific thing they were upset about? Was it
your association with Shane? It was just that
clip, that Chinatown clip came out. Oh, wow.
And they just saw us. I'm sure they looked into
other stuff, but they were like, he's making
this place unsafe. We're not safe here. And I
was like, shut up. Yeah, podcasters and academia.
It was, dude. Academia, that does not go together.
Also, dude, I thought having a master's, I was
going to be around geniuses. It's like, they're
not that smart. You go to a place with masters
and PhDs, half of them don't even read anything.
You talk about a book doc, I never heard of that.
And then they'd show you, like, Netflix. Like,
bro, I'm paying 60 grand for this. You're hitting
me with a Netflix doc? It's like, this is eight
bucks a month. They were showing you Netflix
docs in class? Yeah. We watched a Netflix doc,
one of the classes. We watched, like, the 13th
Amendment. And I was like, I saw this already.
What the fuck, man? Like, it's the, that, like,
I mean, I remember thinking, like, damn, everyone
was on Peterson's ass about this. He was totally
right. Liberal arts colleges were like, it was.
I couldn't have thought of a bigger waste of
money in terms of like bang for buck and like
what did I actually learn? Well, I remember when
we were talking about all the madness that was
going on in schools and people like, why do you
care about this? This is happening in college.
I'm like. They're going to eventually graduate
and they're going to have this ideology and they're
going to get into corporations. They're going
to get into business. They're going to carry
this with them and try to enforce these crazy
rules. Or, you know, somebody like your kids
having problems and you go to a therapist and
they're just like psycho. Like there was we were
talking about modalities of therapy. One of them,
someone floated and the teacher was like, oh,
yeah, for sure. It was called like – I don't
know what it was called. It was like activism
therapy where you get people politically active
in orders to like motivate them and enrich their
lives. And I was like, you can't do that. You
can't take a confused, existentially adrift person
and be like, this is what you need to do. Get
politically active? I swear to God, dude. It
was – There was like really creepy stuff going
on there. And it was all just like complete groupthink.
You couldn't, like if you said anything outside
of like what was acceptable, you would just get
punished. The teachers would kind of even like,
some of them would try to like scold you or be
like, yeah, okay, dude. And it's like, it's.
It's a lot. I could see why it would just break
people. Because my heart would be beating. I
don't really like conflict like that. But it
was also like, dude, some of the stuff you're
like, I can't not say anything. This is insane,
dude. Do you ever talk about this on stage? No,
I've never really talked about being in social
work. Oh, my God. It's like, there's... gold
in them dark hills. It was fun. At that time
of the podcast, I would leave school and I'd
come back to the podcast and be like, bro, you
won't believe what the fuck these people are
saying. You say it on the podcast? Oh, that's
awesome. It just seems like it's a great gold
mine for stand -up. Yeah. Because you have a
very unique experience. True. As a window into
how crazy people are in school. Yeah, no, it
was terrifying, man. And then the weirdest part
is after years went by, they were like, Do you
want to get your PhD here? I was like, no. After
COVID? After everything? After it all. They just
wanted your money. Exactly. I saw that and I
was like, man, get the hell out of here. It would
be nice to be calling yourself Dr. Matt, though.
Bro, don't think I didn't think about it. Come
on, dog. Come on, dog. I know. That just shows
you how many kooky doctors there are out there.
That really opened my eyes. I thought doctors
were like the smartest people in the world. Then
I went to like higher education. I'm like, this
is fucking insane. Yeah. Anyone can be. You could
be a doctor, dude. Anyone could mean obviously
like anyone could be a fucking doctor especially
about some subjects right exactly That's a thing
not like not hard sciences not hard science if
you want to kill us you want to be a doctor you
could go for like Anthropology whatever yeah,
no problem, dude No, and they can't say shit
like you can make up you can like make your thesis
on anything and be like excuse me well, did you
ever see with Peter Boghossian and James Lindsay
and Ellen pluck Rose did You know what they did?
No. They made these fake academic papers. Oh,
yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw that. Like heteronormative
something in dog parks. They were talking about
like gay experiences with dogs. And it was like
a peer -reviewed paper. Fat bodybuilding was
one of them. Yeah. And they were like celebrated.
These papers were celebrated. Dude, it would
go 100%. The theory, like the critical race theory
and all that stuff you cover, when you get into
it, you're like. It was, and I remember, like,
saying this. It was very, like, it reminded me,
because I'd been outside of Walmart. Someone
handed me, like, a pamphlet, and it was, like,
white supremacy literature. When you read that
stuff, you read the first two sentences, you
go, okay, that sounds legit. And then it just,
there's this, like, huge quantum leap in reasoning.
You're like, whoa, how the fuck did we get here?
A lot of that's very similar, where they'll make
a thing, like, you just, no one can disagree
with. Right. And then it jumps real quick, and
you're like. Just complete groupthink. Yeah.
Yeah. But that was scary to be like, damn, dude,
these people are going to be like. These people
are therapists working with kids, older people,
you know, this and that, you know, and it was
just like, I was like, how, this, how is this
a people guy supposedly like, you know, guiding
people through life or like taking people who
are lost or suffering and being, you know, I
don't know. It was, it was kind of rough because
the animus against a person who like thought
differently, it was palpable and like very severe
to where it was like, dude. And the funniest
part was like. I was, again, I was in that high
school in the inner city. The school was like
97 % black, the rest Latino. And they were like,
how would your students feel about your podcast
material? I'm like, they don't give a fuck. They
would laugh. Like they have bigger fish to fry
than being like, what did you say on a podcast?
It's like, they're like high schoolers in Philly
fighting for their lives. How would your students
feel? That was the big disconnect. I'm like,
you guys have like, I don't know, man. Like they
would even teach you. This would crack me up.
I was like thinking about this the other day
where they, They would tell you if you had a
client and, you know, say your client was black
and, you know, I'm a white guy. I should lead
by going like, how do you feel about the fact
that I'm white and you're black? I was like,
dude, you guys realize you're in a classroom
studying how to talk to a black person. I'm like,
that's fucking weird. I was like, just talk to
like you can just talk to the man. And if that
comes up, you can tackle it. But like you're
uncomfortable and then you're going like, so
black person, how do you feel that I'm white?
It's like, dude, that is, and they would push
back against me. I'm like, no, no, no, you guys
can't do that. That's crazy. Well, you were actually
applying it in the real world. They were just
exhibiting, they were just hanging out in these
circle jerks. Exactly. And a lot of them would
be like, you know, I'm social justice, blah,
blah, blah. And they're like, all right, where's
your field placement? That was like your, you
know, that was like your internship. And they're
like, oh, I'm out in like the main lines, like
a really nice area in Philly. It's like, oh,
I'm doing like a high school in the main line.
It's like. OK, dude, like, you know, it's like
take that act somewhere else. And it's like those
kids don't want to hear any of this shit like
at all. And I would like you to talk to them.
Like if race comes up, I would talk to them.
But like you, that would have been so crazy to
take a black eighth grader and being like, I'm
white. How do you feel about that? That would
be so creepy and weird. Isn't it crazy that they
think you're obligated to bring that up? You
have an obligation to discuss it. Also, it's
like they fucking know they can see me. I'm clearly
white. They know I'm white. And it's like, exactly.
It's like, and if that you talk, talk, talk,
talk, and then you can like bring it up because
it's a thing, but it's like leading with that.
I'd always be like least of their problems. Exactly.
They're just probably happy. Someone takes an
interest in them and is kind to them. Dude. And
that was a big thing too, of like, you know,
cause they, you get them out of class and a lot
of them, they'd be like, I'm fucking talking
to this guy. It's like, whatever. And I would
just chill and be like, you can just do your
homework. And then you just start helping them
with their homework. Like, what are you doing?
You know? And then you eventually build rapport.
But it was just like, you know, these are the
teachers telling you this. And you're like, fuck,
dude, you guys are guiding people into this?
It was, dude, I walked away from that being like,
god damn. Well, there's a lot of people that
think that, like, a lot of psychology and a lot
of therapy is just complete horseshit. Yeah.
And the argument about therapy being complete
horseshit in terms of, like, the academic study
of it and applying it to people is that very
few people, you know, get better. I think it
does help a lot of people, though. Yeah. And
I think it really helps a lot of people if they're
in a really bad place. I think some people just
want to talk to somebody. Yeah. And that can
help, too. Yeah. But it's like what can you actually
do for them in terms of like with the tools and
the techniques of therapy versus just being a
human and talking to a human and seeing their
side of things. Trying to tell them your perspective
and trying to give them a rational point of view
and giving them maybe some things to work on.
But it's like... It's not a science. Not at all.
And it varies so much between individuals. Well,
yeah, there's the individuals. Then there's 40
million modalities of therapy. So it's like you
can be doing like CBT, which is like that's supposedly
the most scientific where it's like there's a
system. It's a kind of rigorous. You have like
Jungian stuff where you're like, let's draw like
a mandala based on your dreams. Or you can just
be like, let me just be nice to this person who's
never had anyone be nice to them. Right. And
then let them kind of open up and like. Yeah,
I think they did a study one time where they
let people who weren't trained therapists be
therapists, and they didn't find a giant difference
in terms of who was getting what result. But
then it is a skill, though. That's the other
thing. It's a skill. It's a hard job. Yeah. But
I think you're totally right where it's like
it all depends on the person. Are they in touch
with what's fucked with the therapist? Do they
know about what's fucked up with them? Right.
Because you can, like, I don't know, man. It's
such a crapshoot, and it's like... I think it
can be beneficial. I think like being stuck in
it your whole life. I don't know about that because
it just becomes a thing where you start performing
and you're like, fuck, let me. Well, a lot of
people feel like you have to be in therapy and
everybody should be in therapy. Yeah, I don't
know. Like I remember I didn't do it ever. And
then when I went to school for therapy, they're
like, you got to you got to go to therapy so
that like you can know what it's like and blah,
blah, blah. It's like, fair enough. And I genuinely
walked in there being like, I'm about to blow
this lady's mind. She's going to be like, I've
never met a guy so put together. And then I went
in there and she. kind of picked me apart. And
I was like, fuck, I'm kind of fucked up. I didn't
know that. That's funny. But it was, I for real
was like, I'm going to, this lady's about to
be like, bro, let me just tell you about my life.
I like for real had so much. I thought I was
a chosen one. It was good though, because like
they, the one thing they can do is like, if you're
in a family system. And you have no other like,
you know, available worldviews. You're locked
in that. So a therapist can be somebody outside
of a system you would never wise ever have access
to who can let you run like things through your
head in a way you would never think of. And I
think is good. But then it's, like, you know,
at a certain point, it's, like, I feel like you
should get in, get out. Kind of, like, all right,
here's some things. There's, like, acceptance
commitment therapy. That's good. It's, like,
they teach you how to be, like, mindful, how
to, like, monitor your thoughts without having
them, like, completely attack. There's, like,
there are, like, skills you can learn. Yeah.
But it's like, dude, fucking, and the money of
it's crazy. Like, that's the other thing. Like,
it's so expensive. Right. And does insurance
pay for it for most people? Depends. Like, it'll
cover it for some. You have to be, you have to
get a therapist in that network. And then they
have to diagnose you if insurance wants to, if
you want your insurance to cover you, that therapist
has to diagnose you with a mental disorder or
some sort of mental thing. Oh, and do they have
to prescribe something for you? They don't, I
don't think they have to prescribe, no. But it's
like they have to just give you a like, you know,
your bipolar adjustment disorder is the one where
it's like. But with psychiatrists, like I wonder
how many of them are just like incentivized to
put you on something. Probably a ton. They're
just like doctors. Right. So and then some of
them just swear by it. They're like, just take
this, take that, take this. Yeah. I have a friend
who went to a psychiatrist and he said that like
immediately, like first meeting, this guy is
trying to put him on antidepressants. Yeah. And
he's like. I don't think I need that. Like, I'm
not that fucked up. I'm just not happy. Yeah.
I'm sad. It's also, the first meeting's crazy
because it's like, let's see what your life's
about. No, he's like, let's get you on this and
it'll make you feel better. Yeah. And we'll work
from there. Well, some of those guys are like
ruthless materialists where you're like, yeah,
your brain's just fucked up, dude. Right. Because
that, like, did you ever see the Sapowski guy?
Yeah, Robert Sapowski. Yeah, I think he's great.
I loved his lectures. But his last book. And
again, this was like from him promoting it. I
didn't read it, but his argument was like, yeah,
we just all have different brains. And if you're
like, you know, if you're like a fucking home
invader or burglar, it's just your genes suck.
And like, we should never punish anybody. We
should just kind of like. keep people aside and
just rehabilitate basically saying like you have
no choice over what you do at all free will is
complete illusion yeah that's the determinism
argument yeah yeah yeah I don't know about that
argument I mean obviously free will is real but
obviously you are affected by your genes your
life circumstances your past behavior your all
the experiences that you've had. There's a lot
of factors to say that will doesn't mean anything.
But then why is inspiration so important? Yeah.
Why do people love inspiration? Why do people
love like a good pep talk? Why do people love
like a good motivational video that gets you
out of the house? Like obviously there's will
involved. Yeah. And will is. Will is the thing
that turns you into a jelly roll at 500 pounds
to jelly roll at 200 pounds. Like, that's what
Will does. Yeah. Like, that's a real thing, man.
That's not a fake thing, this idea of free will.
It's no determinism that led Jelly Roll to decide
to start walking. It was hardcore Will. Yeah.
No, I agree. I don't – that argument always –
because I like Sapowski. I liked a lot of his
stuff. That argument just bothers me because
it's like, okay, you're taking the idea of will
and just switching it with like this nebulous
– like what? There's like an isotope in your
brain that is – like it's switched on and then
you're able – it's just – to me it's such a –
like a – just a weird point to kind of like try
to push across. Like there's no free will. It's
just your gene activates and then you do the
thing and it's like – I guess, man. But then
you can like change your genes apparently by
like acting a certain way. So it's like – You
know, I just never liked that stuff, man. It's
a weird argument, but there's validity to both
perspectives. There's validity to the perspective
that free will is a real thing, but also determinism
is a giant factor in how many people live their
lives the way they live them. Yeah. Especially
if you're in a shit circumstance. You're in a
terrible... Gang ridden community get beaten
in your house. Your mom's on crack. It is chaos
everywhere The idea that you're gonna come out
of this writing vegan poetry. It's true. It's
in so that that's that's true And that's insane
you're a product of your environment at least
to a certain extent and usually someone finds
Something that they love that gives them an outlet
and then they get out of there or the problem
with the determinism stuff for me Is like because
I I do get that it's like, you know Yeah, if
you have a horrible upbringing and you do a whore,
you know you kill people it is like yeah i get
it like if i had that had been me maybe i can
do that and like he's like maybe we should treat
everyone a lot more kindly and not punish people
and it's like i'm all on board with that it all
for me it all stops at pedophiles and it's like
so what we're supposed to just like right poo
poo a pedophile it's like part of me is like
we should probably fucking fry those guys where
it's like well that's one of the craziest things
about this whole what's going on the woke shit
in academia is they're starting to call them
minor attracted persons yeah so there's like
legitimate academics who are describing as minor
attracted persons and that it doesn't mean that
they're evil. It's like, what? Yeah. I know,
and that's the problem. It's like, okay. Especially
if you have kids. I don't know anybody who has
kids who has that perspective. No. If you did,
you have to be, like, a sick fuck, like, to think
that it's, oh, it's just a minor attractive person
that fucked my kid. Like, what? Yeah, well, and
that's the whole thing, too, where it's like
you wear all these bags, you know, of, like,
jeans and wear this material goo that just does
something sometimes. It's like, all right, well,
let me fucking squash this pedophile. We're all
just bags of goo, so let me, you know, crush
this guy. Right, it's okay to abort a child,
but it's not okay to kill a pedophile. I know.
Explain, help me. Yeah, that's where it gets,
for me, all that, like, determinism. Like, we
should just be kind and have a more rational
approach. to criminal justice it's like for sure
and then it's like ah pedophiles it's like yeah
you can't pedophiles serial killers yeah there's
a lot of There's a lot of different people you
could throw into that. One of the interesting
things about Sapolsky is he did some crazy work
on toxoplasmosis. That's how I really got into
him. Really? Yeah. He was the guy that we first
started reading about that was saying that a
disproportionate amount of motorcycle victims,
when he was doing his residency, the guy who
he was working with, one of the surgeons, would
test the motorcycle victims for toxoplasmosis.
And he said a giant percentage. of them have
this cat parasite. Oh yeah, I've heard about
this. This cat parasite alters behavior, it makes
you more reckless, it makes you more prone to
erratic mood swings, and it makes you more aggressive.
It's interesting. Yeah. Disproportionate amount
of successful soccer teams have high levels of
toxoplasmosis. Damn. Countries with higher toxoplasmosis.
There could also be countries of higher toxoplasmosis
don't have any money. It's easier to get a soccer
ball. People get good at soccer. It's the way
out of bad neighborhoods. But the motorcycle
victim thing is nuts because we know it affects
human behavior. And we also know that it affects
animal behavior. It makes cats. It grows inside
cats' guts. It's the only way that it reproduces.
So what it does is it rewires a sexual reward
system of rodents. And like mice and rats get
turned on by the smell of cat piss. So they go
to seek out cat piss with like a boner, like
literally. And they lose all their fear of cats
so that the cats devour them. And so when the
cats devour them, then that parasite is now inside
the cat's gut, which is where it reproduces.
So that's why they tell pregnant women you should
never touch cat litter. Really? Yeah. It's toxoplasmosis.
And they think it does the same thing in humans,
where it just makes you, like, kind of amps up
your drives. Yeah. Damn. You know what else is
nuts, too? Because you were saying that's more
in, like, certain countries that are, like, developing.
Well, it's in rural areas and in places where
people have, like, outdoor cats. Yeah. But there
was one point where in France it was, like, 50
% of the people had toxo. Jesus Christ. Yeah,
because there was wild cats everywhere. Yeah.
And you got to think, cats are... They're on
your countertop. Their fucking shit is on their
paws. That's the one thing. I have dogs. Cats
are fine. If I see a cat, I'll pet it. But when
I see people's cats on their countertop, and
I don't get squeamish easily, I'm just kind of
like, ew, dude. It is gross. It's kind of gross.
Well, they shit in a box. They paw around in
that box of shit and piss, and then they hop
on your couch. Yeah. With shit and piss on their
paws. Yeah. Dogs go outside. They take a shit,
they come inside, they're good. As long as your
dog doesn't rub his asshole on your dinner plates,
you're probably okay. But I've had cats that
walk on your plates. They don't give a shit.
They'll take a seat on your plate. You're like,
I have to get a new plate now, you fuck. What
are you doing? Get off of that. They're funny,
but every time I see them get out of the litter
box and walk across people's countertops, I'm
like, dude. It's funny. I've always had them,
though. Well, I don't have them now because my
kids are allergic, but when I was younger, I
had them, and they are fun. I like them. them
they're fun pets they're cute they come over
you and purr yeah but it is weird that you have
a box of shit in your house and there's a lot
of people like they're lazy and you go over their
house that they have a cat they're not cleaning
that litter box enough and as soon as you walk
in they'll Fucking waft of piss and shit hits
you. Like, bro, you're just smelling this all
day? So bad. I would need an outdoor. I used
to let stray cats come in my house. After college,
I lived in a house by myself in Philly. It was
a small house, and a lot of the houses on the
street had been knocked down. So there were row
homes, but I had a standalone row home. There
was a lady across the street. I had a standalone
row home. They just knocked all the houses next
to us down and, like, two other people, and I
would let the stray cat into my house. Like,
you know, you can come stand here. But I'd be
like, you can't, like, this thing can't get in
my bed. And like, by like three days, that thing
was like curled up next to my face. I got a fucked
up eye infection. Yeah. It was called epidemic.
No, it's called epidemic keratoconjunctivitis.
It's called shit in your eye. It literally was.
But the eye doctor was like, the eye doctor goes,
I had only seen, this is like in third world
countries. And dude, for six months afterwards,
after it got cleared up, they had to shut the
thing down and clean the whole eye practice.
Afterwards, my eye at 10 o 'clock would start
to droop. Whoa. Because the white blood cells
would rush to my eye. So I would be out, dude,
for six months after this thing finally cleared
up. Because it was viral. They're like, there's
nothing you can do for it. I would go out. My
eye would just start drooping. And I'd be like,
I got to go home. I gotta go home. It's your
alarm. I would feel like I had fucking... This
is what you said? Yes, I feel like I had fucking
sand in my eye. Highly contagious, severe eye
infection caused by adenovirus, typically types
A, 8, A at 19, 37, cause rapid onset of red,
painful, watery eyes, often with light sensitivity,
blurred vision, and swollen eyelids. Whoa. Dude,
I would wake up in the morning, my eyelid was
stuck together, and I'd have to pull it open.
And then I saw the movie Ray. Remember the beginning
of Ray when his eyes get all globbed up? I was
like, dude, am I going blind? This would suck.
That would suck if you got blind from a cat's
asshole. That would fucking suck, dude. Bro.
Yeah. A friend of mine has shingles on his face.
It's crazy. His whole face is all swollen up,
and he's worried he might go blind. He has it
now? Yeah, he just got it. He's an older guy,
and he just got it. Is shingles like when you
don't get chicken pox, and it comes and gets
you afterwards? I think so. I think it's a form
of the herpes virus that affects older people
in particular. Older people are terrified of
it. They get shingles vaccinations and shit.
Is that what it is? I thought chicken pox was
herpes too. Oh, really? I always heard that if
you don't get chicken pox as a kid, you might
get shingles as an adult. My uncle got shingles
and he said it sucked. Known as herpes zoster,
a viral infection that causes a painful rash.
It stems from the reactivation of the varicella
zuster virus, the same one responsible for chickenpox,
which lies dormant in nerve tissues after the
initial infection. So after you get the infection,
then you can get shingles. Oh, no. After chickenpox
resolves, the virus remains inactive in the body's
nerve cells. Factors like aging, weakened immunity,
or stress can trigger reactivation, leading to
shingles. Most commonly in adults over 50, yeah.
Yeah, my friend is like in his 60s. That sucks,
dude. Yeah, that's rough. A lot of older people
are scared of shingles. Yeah, my uncle got it.
Is the shingles vaccine effective? Does it prevent
shingles? Is that one of the legit ones? It says
vaccines like Shingrix reduce risk significantly.
Antiviral drugs shorten outbreaks. If started
early. Oh, you got to get on it right when you
see the first bump. Somebody knows kids got MRSA
from swimming in one of those. Oh, that's scary.
We got the pictures. It was just like bubble.
It looked crazy. MRSA's terrifying. Yeah. That's
all from people taking antibiotics. Or it was
Staph. Staph and MRSA. Yeah, it was Staph. Staph
is the more dangerous one. Oh, excuse me. MRSA
is the more dangerous one because MRSA is medically,
medical resistant. Oh, okay. Medicine resistant.
So this was just Staph. So it was like a giant
bubble on their hand. It looked crazy. I've had
Staph. Did you really? I've had it a couple times.
Oh, yeah. I got it from jujitsu. A lot of people
get it. Yeah. It's real common. A lot of people
get it, and they don't even realize they have
it until it's too late. Ari had it, and you didn't
even know he had it. We were playing pool once,
and he was limping. He was walking around. I
go, why are you limping? And he goes, oh, I got
a spider bite. And he was doing jiu -jitsu. I
bought him a year of jiu -jitsu for Christmas.
Yeah. I forced him to celebrate Christmas. I
didn't say it's Hanukkah. I got him a Christmas
present. But I go, let me see. And he rolls his
pants up, and I see this bubble. on his knee
with like a pus center of it. And I go, we're
going to the hospital right now. He goes, are
you serious? I unscrewed my cue. I go, you have
to go to the hospital right now. I go, right
now. I go, that's staph infection. And he was
like, why don't they fucking tell us about it?
Why aren't there signs at the gym warning you
about it? I'm like, that's a good point. Like,
you kind of have to hear about it from somebody.
I found out about it from my friend Tate. Shout
out to Tate Fletcher, my homie. We were at the
airport once. And I had shorts on, and I had
just like my foot sitting up like this. He goes,
what's on your calf? I had like little pimples
on my calf. I'm like, I don't know, nothing.
And he goes, dude, I think that's staph. I'm
like, what? These are like little zits? You think
that's staph? And he goes, yeah, you should go
get that checked out. And I went to the doctor,
and he said, yeah, that looks like staph. He
goes, I'm going to put you on antibiotics right
away, and we're just going to swab it and send
it in, but I don't want to wait. And I got on
it right away, and so I killed it quick. But
I remember the antibiotics. Dude, you feel so
weird when you're on there. You're just like
so tired. I hate taking them, man. Some guys
fight on them. I know guys that have got staph
infections in the UFC, fought off the staph infection
with antibiotics, and then fought on the antibiotics,
which is crazy. Yeah, that's insane. I don't
know how you'd have any endurance. No. I always
feel weird. They mess my stomach up so bad. Oh,
yeah. I'm going to end it, but my stomach's just
fried. Well, my friend Gordon Ryan, that's his
belt up there. He's the greatest jujitsu grappler
of all time. He has to retire because he got
staffed so many times that he was taking antibiotics
so often that it fucking nuked his gut bacteria.
Ah, fuck. And, like, he can't hold food down.
He throws up all the time. It sucks. Yeah, it's
crazy. He's been dealing with it for years. And
he just announced on Instagram really recently
that he has to retire. Dude, I got— He can't
train. That fucking blows. And he's the greatest
of all time. And he's done. And he's 30. Ugh.
Yeah. That sucks. Like, unanimously regarded
as the greatest grappler of all time. And that's
it. Yeah. He's gone, like, 10 years undefeated,
beating the best fighters in the world. Can he
take, like, time off? Can he just take, like,
five years off? He's trying. He's done that.
He hasn't competed in a couple of years. He can't
do it. He can't train. That sucks. It's like
it keeps coming back. Dude, I had eczema one
time, and it, like, it came up on my, it was,
like, on my legs, and it was on my dick. And
I thought it was ringworm because it was, like,
a perfect circle. So I go to the, you know, I
go to the, whatever, urgent care, and I'm like,
yeah, I got fucking ringworm. And they're like,
that's weird. Usually it doesn't go on there.
But they're like, just put fucking, you know,
Lotrim, or I think what I. Yeah, like Lotrim
and that shit. So I put Lotrimine on my dick,
and it just dried, like, the whole thing. It
was, like, it was disgusting. So then I had to
go back to another urgent care, and it would
have been, like, the second or third time. I
had to show, like, a fucking shriveled, flaccid,
like, chapped red penis. I showed this one nurse
who goes, like, I don't know, calls in another
nurse, and I'm like. Fuck, all right. She comes
in. I don't know what that is. They call in someone
else. I'm like, oh, third nurse. Giant black
guy comes in. I'm like, no. No. No. No. You know
he's going to laugh as soon as he leaves. Bro,
he was probably, I can't believe. Yeah, it was
bad. And then finally, I finally went to a dermatologist.
And dude, you can look it up. Center City Dermatology.
run by just like a babe like it's on the website
everyone knows this who has ever gone there my
friend i was talking about it one time my friend
was like bro i know exactly what you're talking
about she comes in checks it out and she's like
dude you had you know that wasn't even ringworm
and then she gave me this cream and it like cleared
it right up so i just show like my like like
champ it was like a leprosy bro that's whoa yeah
dude She saw me at my worst. Hilarious. So I
had to show it to like four people. It was like
a leprosy penis. And then eventually she was
like, oh no, dude, take like, it was like a cortosteroid.
Cleared it right up. I know people that have
had eczema that went on a carnivore diet and
it went away. I can't have gluten. That's the
thing. I've been allergic to gluten for a while,
and if I kind of backslide on that, it's like
I'll get little eczema flare -ups. A lot of people
are allergic to it. And a lot of people don't
think it's actually the gluten. They think it's
actually how they finish the crops with glyphosate.
I've heard about that. Yeah. Which kind of makes
sense because, like, why are all these gluten
intolerant? Nobody heard about those in the 70s?
No. There was no one gluten intolerant. No, it
was weird. The weird thing is my mom, she's always
been a health person. She got this book because
she had health problems and like it was might
have been the 80s. My aunt was a nurse, gave
her this book. My mom self -diagnosed gluten
allergy in like the 80s. And everyone's like,
you're out of your fucking mind. Like nobody
has this, blah, blah, blah. And, yeah, then,
like, when I was in college, I was like, dude,
like, I feel like my, every time I swallow food,
it feels stuck in my throat. I have, like, gas.
I'm burping. My stomach's fucked up. I'm not
sleeping. I was having, like, racing thoughts
and shit. And she was like, oh, try not eating
gluten for a while. Dude, it cleared it up. That's
crazy. It was insane. I wonder if that's the
same with gluten that you get in Europe where
they're not using any glyphosate. No, that's
what I heard. Apparently you can go eat it in
Europe and it's fine. I remember I took a test
finally and it was like one of those internet
blood test things. And I came up allergic to
not even the gluten. It's like Glydian, which
is like another protein inside of wheat, which
I don't know if it's that same thing or what.
It's just like an allergy to it. I showed it
to Shane. It was moderate. And he goes, moderate?
You're a pussy. Have a pizza. I was like, fuck.
Why did I show you? Everyone's like, it's fake.
It's in your head. You're full of shit. So I
finally have proof. I'm like, what are you going
to do about it now? He goes, moderate? Pussy.
I'm like, fuck. It's one of the worst intolerances
to have because the food is so delicious. Think
about it. Spaghetti, lasagna, bread, sandwiches.
I don't, and eating the gluten -free bread is
like not, it's not, at that point you just go
like, I'm not eating bread. It's not really good.
In order to make it good, you have to put so
much shit in it that you're like, I might as
well not eat it. I've been off gluten since I
was like 21. Wow. And then anytime I would like
backslide at a restaurant where they cook with
it and stuff, it would, you know, fuck me up.
Weirdly enough though, if I get enough sunlight,
I, it like my, I can tolerate a lot more stuff.
I guarantee that's a vitamin D thing. I don't
know. It's weird, man. Every time I go to a doctor,
they're just like, bro, I don't know what to
tell you. Well, vitamin D is good for your immune
system, and these are autoimmune issues. It makes
sense that they would kind of be connected somehow
or another. Yeah, because I couldn't eat. After
the gluten, it was like then I couldn't eat dairy,
and then every time I'd get sunlight, I could
eat the dairy. It's fucking weird. I don't know.
That's just the sunlight thing. For so long,
people were saying, stay out of the sun. Sun's
going to kill you. It's crazy. And now they're
going, no, no, no, you need to get in the sun
or you're going to die. I know. What's the new,
we got the new food pyramid now. I know. Well,
a lot of people are so angry. They're so angry
at RFK Jr. for flipping the food pyramid. But
there's so much evidence that this is the accurate
way to eat. This is the way people are supposed
to be eating. It's like whole foods, like actual
food, like vegetables, meat, fish. That's what
you're supposed to eat, like actual food that
people have been eating for thousands of years.
That's how you're supposed to eat. Dude, that's
the stuff, the backlash against them that I'm
like, I don't get it, man. It's like getting
the weird shit out of foods that they don't have
in Europe in schools and stuff. That was always
the left -wing's position. I do. It was like,
no preservatives, no additives, natural foods.
I know. And that's the thing, too. Like, I love,
like, because I have all these food allergies.
So, like, I got to go to, like, a hipstery kind
of, like, rainbow flag restaurant. That's the
only place I can eat from. So I'm like, I know
you guys like this. Why are you pretending to
not like getting rid of, like, Red 40 and all
that shit? Because it's connected with Trump.
because RFK Jr. is a part of this party, a part
of this administration. And so it became a political
thing. People were just so silly. They'd rather
commit suicide. They'd rather poison themselves
than admit that he's right. It's insane. Just
be like, dude, just give him one and be like,
all right, that's actually a good one. But it's
that resistance to recognizing maybe this person
that I don't agree with because he's connected
to this other person that I don't agree with,
maybe he's got some good points. Maybe if a person
that was like, someone that I aligned with ideologically
had the same points, I would be like, yes, thank
you. Yes, these preservatives are terrible. Yes,
these dyes are terrible. Yes, this is bad for
you. Yes, you should have warning labels. Yes,
other countries have banned these products. Why
do we have them? Yes. Dude, and especially if
you have kids, it's like, dude, you worry more
about that than your kids not eating a bunch
of crazy bullshit. Yeah. It's like, dude, just
let it go. You can be like, all right, I don't
like this, but that's fucking right. I like that.
Let's let them cook on that. So many people that
aren't religion, don't have religion in their
life, they worship science. Like science. They
treat it as if this is like a doctrine and a
dogma. And if you don't support it, you're a
heretic. There's something wrong with you. Do
you know those people, these scientists? Like
a lot of them are fucking severely compromised.
They're compromised by financial incentives.
They're compromised by academic incentives. They're
trapped in these systems where you're forced
to have groupthink. You have this top -down control.
The people that are at the top are controlled
and connected to these pharmaceutical drug companies.
They're pushing these ideas. Like this isn't
all clean. They're hanging with Epstein too.
I know. Isn't that crazy? He loved scientists,
man. He did. Thank God I wasn't a scientist.
Isn't that weird? Yeah, dude. That's so weird.
It's so fucking creepy. Yeah. And the science,
dude, the science shit is like, I do know this
from going to a master's. I know you need to
understand statistics. You need like a very serious
understanding of statistics to actually make
sense of those studies. And I never was able
to do that, but it's like, you can read those
studies and like, oh, look at this. It's a graph.
Everything's going up. And it's like, yeah, but
like. What was like the percentage of this? And
it's like statistics is for real like magic to
me where it's like it's so slippery and weird
and like you can make one thing look this way
and you can arrange the data in a different way.
And you're like, oh, shit, the fucking thing
went up and now this is better. Well, that's
what pharmaceutical drug companies do for sure.
They'll run multiple studies and then throw out
all the ones that show no efficacy and even hide
dangerous side effects. They hide them. Yeah,
I think they're allowed to do as many. I remember
reading a book on antidepressants like years
and years ago, and I think they were allowed
to do as many studies as it needed to show basically
what they wanted to say, which wasn't even good.
It was like 50%. We had a lawyer in here that
he'd worked on cases with pharmaceutical drug
companies, and one of the things that he said
that was really crazy was... He found out that
the pharmaceutical drug companies, when they
get peer -reviewed, when their papers get peer
-reviewed, they don't have to give the data to
the scientists. They give their review of the
data to the scientists, and then it gets peer
-reviewed. Damn. Yeah. That's fucked up. It's
like rigged. Yeah, that's crazy. It's so rigged.
Remember the study that was like, if you drink
one glass of wine, you're going to be healthy?
Yeah. That was complete bullshit. That was made
by a body of science that was promoted by the
big alcohol companies. it was completely false
i know so many people who are like dude it's
good for me I need alcohol every day. They were
also saying resveratrol. That was one. Yeah,
grape shit. And it's also just like, eat a fucking
grape then. Well, also, take resveratrol. It's
a good supplement. And the amount that you get
in supplements is like far exceeds a glass of
wine. You have to drink the whole bottle. Yeah,
true. And then you're hammered. And you're drunk.
Your liver's destroyed. Yeah, that shit always
threw me off. And I remember at the time being
like, there's no fucking way. That's true. No,
you hang out more and you're less lonely. I think
there's something to the relaxation of alcohol
that at least it makes you feel better. And I
think feeling better is a part of having a better
life and having a healthier mind. Because there's
something about people that are just riddled
with anxiety and thinking about things all the
time. There's a lot of people out there that
are just, they don't have the tools to navigate
this. fucked up world and so they're all a little
drinky poo every now and then maybe not bad for
them maybe a little just fuck it juice like yeah
true if you drop the cortisol at night a little
bit a little relaxation there's a lot of people
that like one of the only things keeping them
hanging on is a drink at night you know just
a little drink just nothing crazy yeah getting
killing yourself yeah i wouldn't want to take
that from somebody either Yeah, I don't want
to take that from people. Yeah, that's true.
I wouldn't want to take that, but it's just nuts
to be like, this is actually really good for
you. It's like, well, it's lesser of two evils
for sure. Remember when they tried to say that
fruit loops were healthier for you than ground
beef? Wasn't that one of the studies? Was it
really? They had comparisons. They had a chart
where things fit on the healthy versus not healthy.
That's fucking insane. Well, the old food pyramid
was the best. It was like cereal, bread, and
pasta. That was what you're supposed to eat.
That's the base. That's most of your food. You're
supposed to be charged on just fucking elbow
macaroni. It was for real. Growing up, that's
what it was. Meanwhile, people in France, they're
eating loaves of bread, and they don't get fat.
I know. And they're healthy. I know. That is
fucking weird, man. We're getting poisoned. Yeah.
Everyone who comes here from another country
is like, I feel horrible. I know. They have a
hot dog and they're fucking vomiting in the trash
can. All right, dog. Let's wrap this up. Can
I add one more thing? Yeah, please. This is going
around Wexner's deposition from the oversight
committee. It came out like the full video did
today. And there's this clip going around that
I don't know what the context is. I'll show you.
It's on the screen right now, Joe. Okay. I just
want to play it and see you. It says, I'll fucking
kill you if you answer another question with
more than five words, okay? Answer. Okay. He
seems like he's joking. He wants him to answer
questions very short answers. I keep seeing people
saying you're not allowed to be coached in a
deposition. Oh, that makes sense. I'll fucking
kill you if you answer another question with
more than five words, okay? That's hilarious
that he thought he could whisper that. That's
crazy. That's so fucked up. But what is their
relationship? Like, do they fuck around like
that? Yeah, yeah. I can't tell. It's really hard
to tell. It's hard to say what that is. That
almost was kind of charming. I'm like, that was
kind of, like, sweet, actually, in some weird
way. Fucking kill you. His answers in this are
pretty tough already, I can see. He's like, I
had no idea. They're like, you're stealing money
from me. ABC reported this five years ago. I
was like, fucking crazy. That's news to me. He
didn't know that Epstein was stealing money from
him? That's what he's saying in some of these
clips here. We'll see where this goes. Yeah,
true. If nothing ever happens, people are going
to lose all faith in everything. Yeah. If nothing
happens from all this, if Prince Andrew's the
only one who goes down, what if he just gets
a slap on the wrist? He's completely going to
get a slap on the wrist. He's not going to, like,
fucking maximum security. He's not going to,
like, Oz. He's not going to be in there, like,
doing burpees and shit. He's going to be in protective
custody. He's already out. He's only in jail
for 11 hours. He's technically out now. Right,
but he's going to be tried, right? We'll see.
Well, see, the thing is, like, I never thought
he'd be arrested. I never thought that would
happen. I thought, like, they'd strip him of
his prince ship or whatever it is. That's it.
Banishing him to a... And then they kicked him
out of the estate. I was like, whoa, things are
getting serious. Yeah, I think they saw. I think
they got to see the stuff. They must. Bro, what
the fuck? They must. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Let's
wrap this up. Thank you, man. It's been a lot
of fun hanging at the club. It's been good times,
dude. It's been awesome. It's fun watching your
act grow, too. It's really funny, man. Thank
you, bro. It's really great. And you're where
this weekend? Salt Lake. Salt Lake City in Boise,
Idaho. Go get some tickets, folks. Go see them.
Matt McCusker, fucking hilarious. Appreciate
you, brother. Thank you. Very funny. Bye, everybody.