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"Welcome to this curated educational transcript of the Joe Rogan Experience. In this session, we provide a deep-dive examination of the critical perspectives and historical dialogues presented in Episode #1802. Our mission is to offer a high-fidelity, searchable research resource for students of cultural history, emerging technology, and global discourse. This transcript has been specifically optimized for academic reference, linguistic study, and archival preservation regarding Group Improvisation Dynamics, Contemporary Satire, and Independent Comedy Success."
Joe Rogan podcast. Check it out. The Joe Rogan

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experience. Train by day. Joe Rogan podcast by

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night. All day. Yeah, they're back. We're rolling

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officially. What? Protect our parks. It's here.

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Holy hell. Because we only have one list. It's

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time to protect our parks. So from the time of

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Protect Our Parks, we officially have lost one

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park. We have lost one park. So we're not protecting

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shit. We have done zero saving of parks. Everyone

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says you have a big reach is wrong because you

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protected 0 for one park. It did nothing. It

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became the opposite of a park. They built a fucking

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jail on it. They're going to. Did they really?

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A jail? Really? I just saw signs like, hey, we

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have to tear down the rest of it too. But they're

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not jailing anybody. The thing about New York

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is they're letting everybody out. They let some

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guy out for murder. He just shot somebody, and

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they let him out with no bail. And everybody's

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like, what the fuck is going on? Who did he kill?

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I don't know. They arrested him for murder. It

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was like this outrage article. He'll beat up

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an Asian lady soon. That seems to be the pattern.

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They get out of jail and just beat up Asian ladies.

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I feel horrible for these women. Quit hanging

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out outside of prisons. Yeah. That's a wild take,

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right? People that think that all Asians are

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responsible for COVID. So you just go up to Asians

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and punch them. They're not? When it gets down

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to the lowest level reaction to a crisis. I see

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a lot of people today that are really pissed

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at Russian people. Boycotting Russians. There's

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some restaurant here. They're not sending money

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back for the cause. Russia House. Cut the Russia

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off their name. What? And now it just says house.

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Remember when we made french fries and a freedom

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fries? And we're like, we're doing something.

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We're fucking idiots. What a dumb fucking place

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we live. How about the dummies that pour their

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vodka down the toilet? Okay, stupid. You already

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bought that. Drink it. They have your money.

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How about have a free vodka party? Give it to

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a refugee. There you go. I was in Salt Lake when

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it started, and they had a law. They were like,

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we're banning Russian vodka. The club owner was

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like, what the fuck? It's not state run. This

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is all my money. It's so dumb. Exactly. I already

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bought it. Yeah. What about Russian dressing?

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It's just fucking people. Imagine if you're like

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some hardcore lefty communist and you sell something

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and then they say, oh, America, America's bombed

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fucking Yemen. We can't sell American products

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anymore. So your American products now are useless.

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That doesn't make any sense. You'd be like, what?

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I'm Toms of Maine. I give my name to homeless.

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Exactly. I'm Ben and Jerry. I'm a communist.

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What the fuck are you talking about? I'm a Jew

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with no sense of taste. That communist flavor

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is pretty good, though. Ben and Jerry's, it's

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just vanilla. What is a communist thing? There

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was something there, but that wasn't it. Let's

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punch that up. What's a communist? You can't

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report on the flavors right now. They're all

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working together. See, I don't know anything

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about communism, so I couldn't write the joke.

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It would have to be a joke where you buy ice

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cream for everybody. Talk to Yakov Smirnov so

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he can come up with something for you. In communist

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Russia, ice cream eat you. That's right. What

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are you doing? How come my little sign isn't

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on? Shorten out. I was off and on earlier. I'll

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try to fix it. Oh, because it shorted a little

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bit. Yeah, I don't know. I was pressing buttons,

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but it was changing the color of the UFO. I'm

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a child. You love aliens. Gadgets. I'm obsessed.

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Not illegal. I'm obsessed with aliens. I like

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them, too. All right. Well, I'm obsessed with

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alien aliens from other planets. Yeah. What's

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going on with them? I think if Russia starts

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launching nukes, I think they'll probably show

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up. Yeah. To aliens. That's a wrap. It's time.

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Yeah. You guys. Fuck this up. We've been observing

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for too long. We've got to step in. They saw

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it the first time and they were like, well, the

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Japanese had it coming. They saw the first one

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go off and they were like, nice. They're closest

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to us, so let it happen. That's when there was

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the big uptick in UFO sightings. That's when

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it all started. What? It was after Hiroshima

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and Nagasaki. What do you mean? That's when all

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the UFO sightings started happening. That's Roswell,

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New Mexico. That's the ones over D .C. All the

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big UFO sightings happened after the nuclear

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bombs. What's the connection? The thought in

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the conspiracy, the crazy people, like who knows

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what they're really seeing, right? They could

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be all full of shit or crazy. But the thought

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is that the aliens are coming to observe because

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they realize we now have nuclear weapons. So

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they've decided to make a trip. To Earth. To

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see what these fucking crazy monkeys with nuclear

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weapons or territorial, what they're up to. What

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they like having sightings at, like. Missile

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silos and shit. Not just sightings, but they

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shut down nuclear facilities, like nuclear weapons

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facilities. They shut them down. They shut their

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computers off. Because they're like, they're

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going to come out of wild shit. I think they're

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basically letting you know, like, watch what

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we can do. We'll just shut off all your power.

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The aliens, man. Yeah, hover over your facility,

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shut everything down. But who knows if it's true?

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Unless you're there. Oh, it's true. Unless you're

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there. I mean, there's some things that I've

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seen, some videos that I've seen that are fucking

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wild. Like the fighter pilot videos where they're

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watching this thing move at an insane rate of

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speed. Oh, yeah. I saw that. But other than that.

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That was Tony's career. Who knows? He still is

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taking off, though. That's good. It's a compliment.

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It's doing well. The cattle mutilations, they

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never solved that. It's complimenting Tony's

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career. Cut it out. I knew you were going to

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come on here and be a nasty son of a bitch with

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your fucking bad suit. You look like the diddler.

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I can't believe that suit wasn't the diddler.

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You look like a Jewish pedophile. Hey, kids,

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you want to buy some candy? You mean a Jew? You

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mean a pedophile? I can't believe that suit just

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fits you perfectly, and you found it at a thrift

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store. Thrift store in New Orleans. It's perfect

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for you. Oh, yeah. It's like the exact size,

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and you're in odd shape. You had to get that

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tailored. Come on. Zip. I go to a tailor, not

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this one. Zip. I wore it on stage in New Orleans.

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I tried it off, and I'm like, oh, yeah, I got

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to do something special. Wait, what show? A couple

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years ago. Oh, okay. Oh, this is old. He's like

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two years old. Oh, I thought you just got it.

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Right before COVID. I had to bring something

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to the Comedy Story anniversary. He actually

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hung on to that suit. Yeah. It cost me 60 bucks.

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I'm not made of money. That's even past what

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Stanhope would wear. That's beyond. Yeah. Stanhope

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would have different pants. He'd have pants that

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didn't match. It's like a rich, quick suit. Remember

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that guy, Matthew Letzko? With the riddles? With

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the riddles. Let's go. What's he doing now? Why

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has he not been on this podcast? Oh, yeah. Get

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him on. When are you going to stop working for

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the state? He's probably rich as hell. Get this

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guy on. Probably. I think my time for the state

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is almost up. I have a couple more years I have

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to put in. Him and that Asian guy on the boat.

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Remember that Asian guy? Like, you want to be

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rich like me? With all the women around. Yeah,

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I've been a pussy for days. Fuck, I don't remember

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that. What was his name? Oh, there he is. Oh,

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there's Ari. It's been two years with a better

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hair. Matthew, let's go. Let's go. Yeah, let's

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go. Where is he today? Free money. There's free

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money out there. There's grants. This guy was

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big. There's grants. I wrote the book on it.

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Do you think he's poor now? Oh, yeah. No way.

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I think he's got a house. He's probably dead.

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How long ago was this? Yeah, let's find out.

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When this infomercial came on, it was, like,

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exciting. I thought about doing it. Where is

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he? Where is he, Ari? Where do you mean? Find

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him. He's 78 years old. He's on YouTube now.

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All right, let's click on his YouTube channel.

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Instagram. Oh, my goodness. Wow. He's got an

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Instagram post. 4 ,000 followers. He looks rough.

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Oh, he's gone trans. Mortgage payments. But look

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at this. It also includes utility payments, homeowner

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insurance payments, property taxes. What do you

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think? Jewish? Over or under? Internet. I think

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98%. You tell me. So he doesn't have any followers.

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He looks like the Queen of Mean. He's like a

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gay David Lynch. Who's the Queen of Mean? I don't

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remember her name anymore. Lampanelli? Lampanelli.

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That's right. She calls herself the Queen of

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Mean. Didn't she retire? Yeah. The video that

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went around of her having a meltdown was very

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strange. That was bad. Somebody's heckling her,

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and she got real serious. She snapped on stage.

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Not even an event center, like a town hall or

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something. Whatever it was, she was angry. Like,

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you know, where a comic crosses that line, like,

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yee. I don't need this. I don't need that shit.

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The Michael Richards effect. There's something

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about that line. When Will Smith slapped Chris

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Rock, Chris Rock talked to Will Smith, and then

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he went back to the script. When he went back

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to the script, it was like, oh, this is wild

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because you're watching one of the best comics

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in the world bomb. Because that's bombing. He

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has to bomb. With that one joke, he bombed because

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he's in an impossible situation. There's no way

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anyone's just going to transition to the fact

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that you're doing a documentary. We all just

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saw that. It's like if a waitress drops a tray

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of drinks and you're like, And then later at

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the supermarket, I went, and I was like, what's

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wrong with you? I mean, think about him, though,

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like, getting slapped, and literally no one does

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anything. No one does a fucking thing. No security.

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Staring at you, it's terrifying. I mean, not

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to seep into, that's like, hey, you know how

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you're in Hollywood? You're not. That guy's in

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Hollywood. You're a visitor. You're a comic.

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Yeah, we don't support you as much as we support

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them. Well, they don't even support him. They

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just were... lost sheep without a shepherd. Like,

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oh, what is happening here? I mean, I wouldn't

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have done anything. I would have been sitting

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there like, yo. That was crazy. Well, how about

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the fact that they... gave him a standing ovation

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later when he went up to talk, and he actually

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accepted an award after assault, and he gets

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a standing ovation. And no one's even going like,

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kind of sitting down going like, what? No one

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in the crowd is going, I don't know. No, they

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clapped. They're fucking sheep. They just hopped

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on board. I think if it wasn't black on black,

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it would have been different. I think that makes

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it. More fun. Oh, yeah. If it was like a white

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guy slapped Chris Rock, oh, my God. No, no, no.

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If they're both white. What if Chris Pratt went

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up and slapped Chris Rock? Wow. Could you imagine?

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What if it was Danny DeVito? Could you imagine?

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Yeah. No, it would have to be someone big like

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Will Smith. Will Smith's a big guy. Oh, yeah.

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If Chris Pratt did it, he's done. Oh, my God.

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No, there's definitely not getting an award later.

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You've got to claim drugs. Right. You've got

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to say pills. That's the only chance. Turn trans.

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Ooh, that's not bad. We've got to go non -binary.

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Yeah, pick up swimming. I still think it would

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have been different if, first of all, Will Smith's

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in the front row and there's no stage. If he

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had to shimmy out of the fifth row, I think it

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would have been a different dynamic. If it was

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like, Will Smith, come on down. Then all the

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way down. Even then, everybody would have thought

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he was... doing a bit. I thought it was a bit.

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I thought it was a bit. When he walked out, Chris

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Rock was like, oh, here it comes. It had to be.

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That's the only plausible explanation. He didn't

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hit him that hard. And when you watch how he

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hit him, he switched legs. So he threw a punch

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and actually switched legs. So it was like he

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was doing a pro wrestling slap. No. It was Victorian.

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He picked that right leg up, which is what you

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end up picking up. Golf expert bitch. I know

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how to slap people. Hey, I'll take that. He moved

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this leg up. I have a machine out back. I will

00:11:06.759 --> 00:11:09.759
show you. that you slap like a bitch it'll register

00:11:09.759 --> 00:11:12.220
that your technique is terrible when you slap

00:11:12.220 --> 00:11:14.120
somebody you gotta if you slap someone it's no

00:11:14.120 --> 00:11:16.200
different than punching someone you want this

00:11:16.200 --> 00:11:18.769
foot to be planted This is what's planted, and

00:11:18.769 --> 00:11:21.090
you fucking turn into it and smack someone. Like

00:11:21.090 --> 00:11:22.549
when you watch those guys, they stand across

00:11:22.549 --> 00:11:24.710
the table, and they KO each other with the slaps,

00:11:24.710 --> 00:11:27.450
and the powder goes flying. That is so ridiculous.

00:11:27.710 --> 00:11:30.029
Some guys get knocked out with those slaps. Well,

00:11:30.250 --> 00:11:32.809
you're getting slapped as full blast, and if

00:11:32.809 --> 00:11:34.230
someone hits you with the palm of their hand,

00:11:34.350 --> 00:11:36.909
you can do something with the palm of your hand

00:11:36.909 --> 00:11:38.610
that you can't do with your knuckles. Like, I

00:11:38.610 --> 00:11:40.149
could do that, and it doesn't hurt at all. But

00:11:40.149 --> 00:11:42.009
if I did that that hard with my knuckles, it

00:11:42.009 --> 00:11:44.429
would fucking hurt. Stay stopped by talking about

00:11:44.429 --> 00:11:46.980
this down. Like, go further down than that. He

00:11:46.980 --> 00:11:49.139
hit him with this stuff. He hit him with this

00:11:49.139 --> 00:11:50.820
stuff. That's what he hit him with. And he didn't

00:11:50.820 --> 00:11:52.240
hit him. Watch. Let's watch. His mic is right

00:11:52.240 --> 00:11:54.399
on his bow tie, too, so it sounds louder. Let's

00:11:54.399 --> 00:12:00.759
watch it. Watch how he does it. Watch the left

00:12:00.759 --> 00:12:03.000
leg switches and then the right leg goes. Oh.

00:12:03.779 --> 00:12:08.139
That was as much as I thought. I think I have

00:12:08.139 --> 00:12:09.840
a false memory. There's black people. Watch this.

00:12:09.960 --> 00:12:12.929
And there's Will Smith. A little bit of a shift.

00:12:13.429 --> 00:12:15.970
Oh, you know what it is? Slippery shoes. That's

00:12:15.970 --> 00:12:18.330
what it is. Slippery shoes. And a tuxedo doesn't

00:12:18.330 --> 00:12:21.210
help. But it's definitely not hitting him hard.

00:12:21.350 --> 00:12:23.809
He's hitting him with the fingertips. Watch with

00:12:23.809 --> 00:12:26.350
the impact. Let's check the impact. It's so dainty.

00:12:27.049 --> 00:12:29.149
Boop. Yeah, see, that's where you see the little

00:12:29.149 --> 00:12:31.289
switch of the legs. But he's hitting him with

00:12:31.289 --> 00:12:33.370
the tips of the fingers. It's really not much.

00:12:33.370 --> 00:12:36.309
Kevin Clancy at KFC Radio, he said that that's

00:12:36.309 --> 00:12:38.860
a... Scientology. That's what I heard. They teach

00:12:38.860 --> 00:12:41.740
you how to slap to get support for yourself if

00:12:41.740 --> 00:12:43.440
you're being embarrassed. So Chris Brown is a

00:12:43.440 --> 00:12:46.019
Scientologist? They tell you how to slap. Are

00:12:46.019 --> 00:12:48.360
you serious? Yeah. No. Yeah. Wait a minute. You're

00:12:48.360 --> 00:12:50.840
serious. Yeah. Explain. Not research, but real

00:12:50.840 --> 00:12:52.720
theory. Well, I love it. In Scientology. I love

00:12:52.720 --> 00:12:57.440
a good no research statement. Yeah. They teach

00:12:57.440 --> 00:12:59.000
you how to slap somebody if they give you an

00:12:59.000 --> 00:13:01.210
offense. That is one of the things to get, not

00:13:01.210 --> 00:13:02.490
to punch because you don't want to get in a physical

00:13:02.490 --> 00:13:04.769
fight, but to slap. It's humiliating. To get

00:13:04.769 --> 00:13:06.990
your offense taken. Getting slapped is humiliating.

00:13:06.990 --> 00:13:08.950
So what is the deal? He's giving the Scientology

00:13:08.950 --> 00:13:12.190
slap. It's not meant to hurt. That's a Scientology

00:13:12.190 --> 00:13:15.730
slap. That's the theory. Is this a theory by

00:13:15.730 --> 00:13:17.909
someone who had this theory before Will Smith

00:13:17.909 --> 00:13:20.049
smacked Chris Rock? Give it a go. A whole Twitter

00:13:20.049 --> 00:13:21.629
thread about it. Okay, look at this. The slap

00:13:21.629 --> 00:13:24.940
is much less interesting when you realize. that

00:13:24.940 --> 00:13:26.779
Will Smith almost certainly went through the

00:13:26.779 --> 00:13:29.639
Scientology courses that teach you to unapologetically

00:13:29.639 --> 00:13:32.740
use slaps and physical force to let a fellow

00:13:32.740 --> 00:13:35.159
Scientologist know they've done something wrong.

00:13:35.279 --> 00:13:37.480
Holy shit, how's that much less interesting?

00:13:37.639 --> 00:13:39.940
That makes it more interesting. Yeah. Why does

00:13:39.940 --> 00:13:42.039
that make it much less interesting, Max Burns?

00:13:43.009 --> 00:13:46.070
There's a Scientology course, I guess you'd call

00:13:46.070 --> 00:13:49.309
it, that involves slapping physically humiliating

00:13:49.309 --> 00:13:51.909
fellow Scientologists in a group setting as a

00:13:51.909 --> 00:13:55.429
means of exerting superiority. It is remarkably

00:13:55.429 --> 00:13:58.629
common within the cult. Wow. Tom Cruise does

00:13:58.629 --> 00:14:00.870
a similar thing, but his preferred method is

00:14:00.870 --> 00:14:04.269
shouting at intense personal intimidation of

00:14:04.269 --> 00:14:07.450
movie crews. And jumping on a couch. Scientologist,

00:14:07.690 --> 00:14:11.330
he feels... aren't fulfilling the KSW ideology,

00:14:11.809 --> 00:14:14.730
et cetera. It's rare that you see the physical

00:14:14.730 --> 00:14:17.750
side of it in so public a form. But is Smith

00:14:17.750 --> 00:14:21.129
a Scientologist? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Is he 100 %?

00:14:21.210 --> 00:14:24.590
Oh, yeah. He's big in. Cruz, Smith, Brooke Shields,

00:14:24.590 --> 00:14:26.490
Travolta. Let's Google that. I know Travolta

00:14:26.490 --> 00:14:28.690
is. Let's Google whether Will Smith is actually

00:14:28.690 --> 00:14:30.669
a Scientologist. Beck is? Beck is, yeah. Beck

00:14:30.669 --> 00:14:33.230
is. Whoa. Juliette Lewis is. What? Juliette Lewis?

00:14:33.330 --> 00:14:34.909
Yeah. She seems cool. There's some good eggs

00:14:34.909 --> 00:14:37.100
in there. Yeah, she's a great egg. The ones that

00:14:37.100 --> 00:14:38.980
are raised in it are cool. I fucking love her.

00:14:39.120 --> 00:14:41.440
Yeah, I like her too. She's a badass musician.

00:14:41.779 --> 00:14:44.039
You ever see her sing? What? No. She's fucking

00:14:44.039 --> 00:14:46.620
incredible. Why Will and Jada are the worst?

00:14:46.820 --> 00:14:51.620
Oh, God. Where is that? Fucking first thing that's

00:14:51.620 --> 00:14:54.019
in the New York Post. By the way, that's a 2021.

00:14:54.899 --> 00:14:57.620
That's way before. Nothing to do with this. That's

00:14:57.620 --> 00:15:00.399
red table shit. Willow and Jaden attended Smith's

00:15:00.399 --> 00:15:02.440
short -lived school. Oh, that's right. They had

00:15:02.440 --> 00:15:04.700
a school for a while. Widely believed to be a

00:15:04.700 --> 00:15:07.139
center of Scientology called the New Village

00:15:07.139 --> 00:15:10.320
Leadership. Hollywood's totally normal. Everybody

00:15:10.320 --> 00:15:11.600
there, you should definitely take their word

00:15:11.600 --> 00:15:14.039
for everything. For everything. Oh, yeah. They're

00:15:14.039 --> 00:15:16.580
the trendsetters. They're the reason why I'm

00:15:16.580 --> 00:15:19.779
alive. What a garbage place. No, no. Sorry. What

00:15:19.779 --> 00:15:21.220
are you saying? Take it back. The other way.

00:15:21.259 --> 00:15:23.419
What? The other way. What a great place. I was

00:15:23.419 --> 00:15:25.039
told today that... Why is it garbage? It's my

00:15:25.039 --> 00:15:26.759
favorite place. I was told today that... I just

00:15:26.759 --> 00:15:28.220
don't feel like I'm good enough, so I had to

00:15:28.220 --> 00:15:30.779
leave. Jada, their open relationship was just

00:15:30.779 --> 00:15:33.299
for her. Of course it wasn't. Will Smith has

00:15:33.299 --> 00:15:35.019
attended... Well, he cheated a bunch, I thought.

00:15:35.279 --> 00:15:38.440
Yeah, but I believe it came out. Oh, look at

00:15:38.440 --> 00:15:40.860
this. Will Smith has attempted to combat Scientology

00:15:40.860 --> 00:15:43.539
claims over the years, making it clear that he

00:15:43.539 --> 00:15:45.759
and his wife, Jada Pinkett, are not a part of

00:15:45.759 --> 00:15:48.220
Scientology. So fuck off, Ari. Oh, I thought

00:15:48.220 --> 00:15:50.080
he was. You know what you're saying. Ari's filled

00:15:50.080 --> 00:15:54.200
with misinformation. Max Burns! Max Burns is

00:15:54.200 --> 00:15:58.840
on heroin. He's just making things up. He's making

00:15:58.840 --> 00:16:01.139
things up. Max Burns is on heroin. He's just

00:16:01.139 --> 00:16:04.259
making things up. He's in a fog of fentanyl.

00:16:04.879 --> 00:16:08.100
He has no idea what he's saying. Will Smith is

00:16:08.100 --> 00:16:10.539
a good guy and he's not a Scientologist. Yeah.

00:16:10.580 --> 00:16:14.710
There you go. Yeah, Ari. Yeah, all right. I'll

00:16:14.710 --> 00:16:16.490
think about that. You guys love controlling the

00:16:16.490 --> 00:16:18.409
narrative, don't you? Oh, we love it. We love

00:16:18.409 --> 00:16:23.169
it, dude. If your wife, like, openly is, like,

00:16:23.210 --> 00:16:26.190
in a public sort of open relationship, you have

00:16:26.190 --> 00:16:29.970
to be more reserved than a regular guy. Can you

00:16:29.970 --> 00:16:31.970
imagine? You've got to be more. You've got to

00:16:31.970 --> 00:16:34.470
be like, it is what it is. You've got to be that

00:16:34.470 --> 00:16:37.450
guy with everything, right? Yeah. You can't be

00:16:37.450 --> 00:16:40.669
like Mr. Snap at the fucking slightest. Yeah,

00:16:40.710 --> 00:16:42.049
you have to be above everything because your

00:16:42.049 --> 00:16:44.009
wife's getting fucked by other people. Yes. You

00:16:44.009 --> 00:16:46.110
have to be so cool. You should be cool. You're

00:16:46.110 --> 00:16:50.309
like, nah. That's just sex. I got alopecia too,

00:16:50.350 --> 00:16:52.750
I guess. I do too. I got it in my beard. I don't

00:16:52.750 --> 00:16:54.889
understand why she has like full stubble. Like

00:16:54.889 --> 00:16:57.210
her head looks great. She shaved it. But when

00:16:57.210 --> 00:16:58.850
it's stubble, it's growing back. There's hair.

00:16:59.049 --> 00:17:02.210
Yeah. I think she shaves it so she can't pull

00:17:02.210 --> 00:17:04.220
it out. Which is half of what it is. Oh, when

00:17:04.220 --> 00:17:06.559
she gets crazy? Yeah. It's hard having your fucking...

00:17:06.559 --> 00:17:09.319
Oh. Maybe when she beats Will up, you can't grab

00:17:09.319 --> 00:17:13.119
her hair. Yeah. And no fighting back. I don't

00:17:13.119 --> 00:17:14.559
think the black ladies like the hair pulling.

00:17:15.019 --> 00:17:17.839
I've had sex with a couple, and the hair stuff

00:17:17.839 --> 00:17:19.579
didn't go well. It's not tied in that tight.

00:17:19.660 --> 00:17:21.220
Yeah, I attempted it like that. Go careful. Yeah,

00:17:21.240 --> 00:17:23.099
you don't want to pull a wig off. Oh, true. Yeah,

00:17:23.180 --> 00:17:24.920
it could have been a wig. It was braids. Oh.

00:17:25.700 --> 00:17:27.940
So I thought it was pullable. So you tried some

00:17:27.940 --> 00:17:30.039
white girl shit on a black lady. Yes. Yeah, don't

00:17:30.039 --> 00:17:33.269
do that. No. Okay. Know your role. I guess so.

00:17:34.829 --> 00:17:38.670
Turn a Laquisha into a Becky. Ooh. A Laquisha

00:17:38.670 --> 00:17:41.569
into a Becky. Laquisha? There's no other. There's

00:17:41.569 --> 00:17:43.289
got to be a couple of Laquishas kicking around.

00:17:43.289 --> 00:17:45.049
There's got to be a couple. Isn't it funny that

00:17:45.049 --> 00:17:47.769
there's no other word like a Karen? Like Karen

00:17:47.769 --> 00:17:49.970
is like, there's no, like, I guess it's Chad

00:17:49.970 --> 00:17:52.269
for white guys, but it doesn't really work. Karen

00:17:52.269 --> 00:17:54.710
is like locked down. Karen, they get mad about

00:17:54.710 --> 00:17:57.009
Karen now. That's fighting words now to them.

00:17:57.660 --> 00:17:59.779
And if your fucking name is Karen, like you've

00:17:59.779 --> 00:18:02.119
been Karen your whole life until about six, seven

00:18:02.119 --> 00:18:04.099
years ago, it all fell apart on you. What if

00:18:04.099 --> 00:18:05.599
you're a black woman named Karen? That's even

00:18:05.599 --> 00:18:08.200
weirder. You got to just deal with that. At least

00:18:08.200 --> 00:18:10.740
nobody's. Do you know any? There's got to be

00:18:10.740 --> 00:18:12.339
a black Karen. There's got to be a few. Yeah.

00:18:12.400 --> 00:18:15.180
Pull it up, JMO. Yeah. Type in black Karen. How

00:18:15.180 --> 00:18:17.279
about famous black Karens? Is there famous black

00:18:17.279 --> 00:18:19.519
Karens? Jada Pinkett Smith. Yeah. No, no, no.

00:18:19.519 --> 00:18:22.380
Her name is Jada. Oh. Jada in real life. Different

00:18:22.380 --> 00:18:25.990
name. What a wild fucking thing. It's a wild

00:18:25.990 --> 00:18:28.990
thing that's so crazy that the more time goes

00:18:28.990 --> 00:18:30.849
on, the less I can believe it actually happened.

00:18:30.950 --> 00:18:31.849
You know what I don't like, too? It seems more

00:18:31.849 --> 00:18:34.289
nuts. With this explanation, you see day one,

00:18:34.390 --> 00:18:36.529
it was how dare Will Smith, there's all the People

00:18:36.529 --> 00:18:38.789
magazine, how dare Will Smith do this, you know,

00:18:38.809 --> 00:18:41.569
violence. And then day two, the publicist took

00:18:41.569 --> 00:18:44.289
over, and then this man fiercely defended his

00:18:44.289 --> 00:18:46.309
wife. Like, you could just tell the publicist,

00:18:46.329 --> 00:18:48.569
we've got to spin this somehow. But that's just

00:18:48.569 --> 00:18:51.339
telling Chris Rock under the bus even more. Ticket

00:18:51.339 --> 00:18:53.920
prices went up 400%. Yeah, his ticket prices

00:18:53.920 --> 00:18:55.539
went through the roof. How is that possible,

00:18:55.660 --> 00:18:57.779
400 %? That's what the headline is. I know, I

00:18:57.779 --> 00:18:59.759
heard that. Why is that hard? Because he would

00:18:59.759 --> 00:19:03.519
have to be sold out now and be at 20 % sold before.

00:19:03.740 --> 00:19:06.839
No, dummy. No, the price. If he sells 100 tickets

00:19:06.839 --> 00:19:09.680
a day, now he's selling 400 tickets a day. Tickets

00:19:09.680 --> 00:19:11.920
went up per day. I thought you said the price

00:19:11.920 --> 00:19:14.420
went up. Yeah. Oh, his price went up 40 %? Price

00:19:14.420 --> 00:19:16.380
went up. Oh, that's crazy. He just charged five

00:19:16.380 --> 00:19:18.940
times as much? Yeah, if a ticket was $50, now

00:19:18.940 --> 00:19:23.500
it's $450. 250. Oh, that's weird. That's weird.

00:19:23.700 --> 00:19:26.460
That's true. Really? Yeah, yeah. So the agents

00:19:26.460 --> 00:19:29.140
get their slimy little paws all over the situation.

00:19:29.319 --> 00:19:30.720
Ticket price went up for him. And people are

00:19:30.720 --> 00:19:32.839
dying to see it. I thought his ticket sales.

00:19:33.160 --> 00:19:35.779
I know his ticket sales have gone crazy. I'm

00:19:35.779 --> 00:19:37.720
sure he was going up. Ticket sales. They said

00:19:37.720 --> 00:19:40.200
he moved more tickets in a few days after the

00:19:40.200 --> 00:19:42.160
Oscars than a whole month. Wow. You know what

00:19:42.160 --> 00:19:43.940
was the best? Him not saying anything. We all

00:19:43.940 --> 00:19:45.640
wanted him to say something. But him not saying

00:19:45.640 --> 00:19:48.160
anything allowed the internet to say. we'll take

00:19:48.160 --> 00:19:51.160
over for you dude yeah he also was close he was

00:19:51.160 --> 00:19:53.059
close he was close he had that one moment where

00:19:53.059 --> 00:19:55.700
he's like oh i could yeah he even says it he's

00:19:55.700 --> 00:19:57.119
like yeah right after he got slapped he's like

00:19:57.119 --> 00:19:59.099
it was just a joke he's like shut up about my

00:19:59.099 --> 00:20:04.579
wife yeah he goes but the way he said it is It's

00:20:04.579 --> 00:20:09.099
such a crazy meltdown. You see his face when

00:20:09.099 --> 00:20:12.240
his lips are quivering. Leave my wife's name

00:20:12.240 --> 00:20:16.579
out of your fucking mouth. It's like, whoa. And

00:20:16.579 --> 00:20:17.799
the weird thing, he wasn't even saying out of

00:20:17.799 --> 00:20:20.619
your. He goes out your mouth. He's invoking ghetto

00:20:20.619 --> 00:20:22.859
black culture when he's being violent because

00:20:22.859 --> 00:20:24.900
that's what he thinks violence is. Ghetto black.

00:20:24.940 --> 00:20:26.779
He's playing a role. He's playing a role of a

00:20:26.779 --> 00:20:28.859
guy who can just slap people. I'm kind of jealous

00:20:28.859 --> 00:20:31.740
of that. I wish I was that fucking nut. Ticket

00:20:31.740 --> 00:20:36.880
pick. Oh, is that one of them things where...

00:20:36.880 --> 00:20:40.539
Oh, there you go. We sold more tickets to Chris

00:20:40.539 --> 00:20:42.220
Rock overnight than we did in the past month

00:20:42.220 --> 00:20:45.059
combined. Had increased to 411. That's way more

00:20:45.059 --> 00:20:47.299
than 40%. That's what's crazy. The cheapest tickets

00:20:47.299 --> 00:20:53.079
were sold. Oh, resale. Oh, okay. So it's not

00:20:53.079 --> 00:20:55.380
agents that got their greasy hands on it. It's

00:20:55.380 --> 00:20:57.759
all those fucking scalpers. They do that, man.

00:20:57.819 --> 00:20:59.059
There's nothing you can do about that. I hate

00:20:59.059 --> 00:21:00.559
it. People are like, how can we take it to $300?

00:21:00.660 --> 00:21:03.079
I'm like, it's not even sold out. Go to my website.

00:21:03.480 --> 00:21:07.779
Don't do that. Yeah, I mean, right now I'm doing

00:21:07.779 --> 00:21:10.839
Vegas soon. So today my tickets went on presale.

00:21:10.859 --> 00:21:12.759
And I have a presale password. So you have to

00:21:12.759 --> 00:21:14.900
do all the registering and everything to do all

00:21:14.900 --> 00:21:17.710
that. But still, people still. Buy tickets and

00:21:17.710 --> 00:21:20.029
resell them for shitloads of money. There's not

00:21:20.029 --> 00:21:21.509
much you can do about it. They get idiots. They

00:21:21.509 --> 00:21:23.710
don't even know it's not sold out. Louie used

00:21:23.710 --> 00:21:25.809
to do a great thing at the store. He used to

00:21:25.809 --> 00:21:27.589
make everybody pay cash, and you had to line

00:21:27.589 --> 00:21:31.049
up the day of the show. You could only buy two

00:21:31.049 --> 00:21:32.349
tickets at a time. Only buy two tickets. Four.

00:21:32.410 --> 00:21:35.569
No surcharge, no fees. And you had to pay in

00:21:35.569 --> 00:21:37.450
cash. I mean, we in the door guys made a lot

00:21:37.450 --> 00:21:40.430
of money off that. Yeah. A lot of them, and like

00:21:40.430 --> 00:21:42.529
triple price. Like, who wants them? Really? We

00:21:42.529 --> 00:21:44.069
know there's going to be a line. Who wants them?

00:21:44.349 --> 00:21:46.349
Really? Oh, yeah. Because we fucked up when Rob

00:21:46.349 --> 00:21:48.190
Williams came, we realized we should have. And

00:21:48.190 --> 00:21:49.710
then what happened with Louie, like, I got 40

00:21:49.710 --> 00:21:52.670
bucks on me. They used to, like, get big tips

00:21:52.670 --> 00:21:55.309
to give people booths, right? The booth was a

00:21:55.309 --> 00:21:57.730
big thing. Not in my day. Not yours? It was Kinison's

00:21:57.730 --> 00:22:00.390
day and then, like, five years ago. Oh, really?

00:22:00.509 --> 00:22:03.150
But when I was a door guy, it was like, please

00:22:03.150 --> 00:22:06.089
give me a dollar. Right. Nobody would give you

00:22:06.089 --> 00:22:07.630
any money for the booth. Occasionally on weekends,

00:22:07.950 --> 00:22:09.730
New Year's Eve was good. You can make, like,

00:22:09.750 --> 00:22:11.690
100 bucks on New Year's Eve. Isn't it funny how

00:22:11.690 --> 00:22:14.210
this door goes through cycles? It always has.

00:22:14.250 --> 00:22:16.490
It goes through these cycles. When I was back

00:22:16.490 --> 00:22:19.829
last weekend, man, it felt like a normal weekend

00:22:19.829 --> 00:22:22.289
at the store. It was mobbed. Really? It was mobbed.

00:22:22.309 --> 00:22:24.150
Everybody was hanging out. It was really fun.

00:22:24.490 --> 00:22:26.329
Yeah. Really fucking fun. Well, that's just comedy.

00:22:26.430 --> 00:22:29.029
Comedy goes in waves. Yeah? Yeah. I guess, but

00:22:29.029 --> 00:22:32.109
the store really goes in waves. Yeah. The store

00:22:32.109 --> 00:22:34.549
was hot when Kinison was there. When I came there

00:22:34.549 --> 00:22:36.230
in 94, there was fucking nobody there. It was

00:22:36.230 --> 00:22:38.339
weird. It was like half -filled crowds. It was

00:22:38.339 --> 00:22:40.200
dead. We wouldn't start the show. Oh, my God.

00:22:40.240 --> 00:22:41.759
Tuesday night, it'd be like 9 o 'clock show by

00:22:41.759 --> 00:22:43.339
10 .30. We'd be like, should we call it? There's

00:22:43.339 --> 00:22:45.619
no one in here. What year did you start? 99.

00:22:46.380 --> 00:22:49.920
And it was bad. It was bad. It was bad until

00:22:49.920 --> 00:22:54.000
like 2002. It was starting to get better in the

00:22:54.000 --> 00:22:56.160
90s. And it was okay. A little bit. And then

00:22:56.160 --> 00:22:59.420
2002, it was getting pretty good. Then 2003 and

00:22:59.420 --> 00:23:03.240
4, it really got rocking. It was still so -so.

00:23:03.339 --> 00:23:06.920
No, it was rocking. 2004, 2005. Yeah, and up

00:23:06.920 --> 00:23:10.720
until 2007, then I got banned. But the real comeback

00:23:10.720 --> 00:23:14.700
was 2014 when you did your special, and then

00:23:14.700 --> 00:23:18.440
I came back, and then Diaz came back, and then

00:23:18.440 --> 00:23:21.240
Duncan and everybody came back. And then shortly

00:23:21.240 --> 00:23:23.339
after. Then it was mobbed every night. Shortly

00:23:23.339 --> 00:23:25.720
after, or maybe right before. No, shortly after,

00:23:25.799 --> 00:23:28.960
eBay took over. He baked. Oh, Adam. Yeah. He

00:23:28.960 --> 00:23:30.980
was up before that, though. He's one of the guys

00:23:30.980 --> 00:23:32.680
who got me there. Because he came to the improv

00:23:32.680 --> 00:23:34.460
when I was headlining at the improv. He goes,

00:23:34.500 --> 00:23:36.000
well, we'd really like to have you back at the

00:23:36.000 --> 00:23:38.039
store. I was like, fuck Tommy. But Tommy was

00:23:38.039 --> 00:23:39.859
still there. He was like, Tommy's fired. Like,

00:23:39.859 --> 00:23:43.160
oh. And I was like, oh. And then Ari was doing

00:23:43.160 --> 00:23:45.119
his special. Tommy was still there when he did

00:23:45.119 --> 00:23:47.059
my special, wasn't he? No. I thought he was still

00:23:47.059 --> 00:23:50.119
there. He was gone, buddy. I don't remember that

00:23:50.119 --> 00:23:52.519
at all. He was gone, 100%. Because I came after

00:23:52.519 --> 00:23:56.140
that. I came after he'd been fired. And then

00:23:56.140 --> 00:23:58.420
it was just game on. That's when it blew up.

00:23:58.420 --> 00:23:59.980
That's when it blew up. Because that's when it

00:23:59.980 --> 00:24:01.859
was just like, holy shit. You think that was

00:24:01.859 --> 00:24:05.000
podcasting? 100%. 100%. We always talked about

00:24:05.000 --> 00:24:06.519
it when we were doing the podcast from his fucking

00:24:06.519 --> 00:24:09.700
living room. We'd always talk about crazy stories

00:24:09.700 --> 00:24:10.619
in the store. We built it up when I was gone.

00:24:10.619 --> 00:24:12.380
And it was like, what is this place? Yeah, when

00:24:12.380 --> 00:24:14.359
he wasn't even there. We built it up when I wasn't

00:24:14.359 --> 00:24:16.119
even going there. And then when I came back,

00:24:16.180 --> 00:24:18.299
it just exploded. We'd have stories of Brett

00:24:18.299 --> 00:24:19.900
Ernst and stuff. And people were like, who are

00:24:19.900 --> 00:24:22.480
these mythical people? And then they would go

00:24:22.480 --> 00:24:26.069
show up. Same as Louis doing his intro. From

00:24:26.069 --> 00:24:27.250
the cellar, people are like, I guess that's the

00:24:27.250 --> 00:24:30.009
place to go. Right. But way more so with us because

00:24:30.009 --> 00:24:31.849
it's constant stories. Yeah, the thing about

00:24:31.849 --> 00:24:34.049
the internet is, man, when people find out about

00:24:34.049 --> 00:24:35.990
a cool place like that and they go and actually

00:24:35.990 --> 00:24:37.789
have the experience and they tell their friends,

00:24:37.829 --> 00:24:39.569
like, oh, my God, we saw this guy and that guy

00:24:39.569 --> 00:24:43.150
and Sebastian and fucking Santino. It's just

00:24:43.150 --> 00:24:45.529
like. It's having a place that you could go where

00:24:45.529 --> 00:24:46.970
you're going to have a good time. You're going

00:24:46.970 --> 00:24:48.609
to have a good time. How about fucking last night?

00:24:48.950 --> 00:24:51.990
What a goddamn lineup. Hell of a show. Hans Kim,

00:24:52.289 --> 00:24:57.029
Ron White, Mark Norman, Shane Gillis, Tony Hinchcliffe,

00:24:57.049 --> 00:24:59.440
and me. Chaos. Yeah, it was a good one. Hot crowd,

00:24:59.440 --> 00:25:02.220
too. Fucking crowd was amazing. What'd you do?

00:25:02.259 --> 00:25:04.160
Two hours? Three and a half? Hour and 40 minutes.

00:25:04.299 --> 00:25:08.579
Holy shit. The Q &A, it's my favorite part. I

00:25:08.579 --> 00:25:10.000
was hammered, too. The Q &A, he'll get fucked

00:25:10.000 --> 00:25:11.480
up. I remember those days. People will ask a

00:25:11.480 --> 00:25:13.640
question. Sometimes it goes well, but everyone's

00:25:13.640 --> 00:25:14.839
going to be like, what kind of question is that?

00:25:15.559 --> 00:25:17.519
He's like, ask anything. You can literally watch

00:25:17.519 --> 00:25:20.279
someone just get their whole world shattered.

00:25:20.740 --> 00:25:22.220
I'm here to see Joe Rogan. This is going to be

00:25:22.220 --> 00:25:25.259
so cool. What's your favorite ice cream? Yeah,

00:25:25.259 --> 00:25:27.569
you're like, shut up, pussy. your mother. And

00:25:27.569 --> 00:25:30.670
he's like, oh. I was told that you wanted questions.

00:25:31.210 --> 00:25:34.549
I didn't know we should do that. I've done Q

00:25:34.549 --> 00:25:36.630
&As. I just assume you have to answer everything.

00:25:36.730 --> 00:25:38.549
I didn't know you'd go, oh, that's dumb. Yeah,

00:25:38.569 --> 00:25:39.829
you gotta say that's dumb. Come on, give me a

00:25:39.829 --> 00:25:41.329
better question. You gotta mock their questions.

00:25:41.470 --> 00:25:44.069
We used to have two speakers, two microphones

00:25:44.069 --> 00:25:45.769
in the aisles. Oh yeah, remember those? And at

00:25:45.769 --> 00:25:46.849
the end of your show, people were like, come

00:25:46.849 --> 00:25:48.309
on up and ask questions. And it was just like.

00:25:48.759 --> 00:25:50.259
50 % of them was like, what did you think of

00:25:50.259 --> 00:25:56.420
this one fight? The problem with even the stand

00:25:56.420 --> 00:25:58.200
-up -on -the -spot thing is too many people have

00:25:58.200 --> 00:25:59.500
their hands up, too many people are yelling,

00:25:59.579 --> 00:26:01.660
and they're not paying attention. They do a show

00:26:01.660 --> 00:26:03.799
out here called The Rift, and it's a better setup.

00:26:03.980 --> 00:26:06.140
And what they do is they have a wheel, and the

00:26:06.140 --> 00:26:10.000
audience gets to write a topic. on the card,

00:26:10.079 --> 00:26:12.759
on a card, and then they just peg them to the

00:26:12.759 --> 00:26:15.039
wheel, and you spin the wheel, and it lands on

00:26:15.039 --> 00:26:17.519
one. I've done that before, Creak in the Cave.

00:26:17.700 --> 00:26:19.519
It's way better because no one's yelling out

00:26:19.519 --> 00:26:22.119
things in the audience. That version of it is

00:26:22.119 --> 00:26:24.539
the way you should do that kind of an improvisation

00:26:24.539 --> 00:26:27.299
show. Because you can come up with bits on those

00:26:27.299 --> 00:26:29.440
shows where you don't ever do material. It's

00:26:29.440 --> 00:26:32.980
great. The problem is that people get... too

00:26:32.980 --> 00:26:35.279
yelly and lift their hands up and then they're

00:26:35.279 --> 00:26:37.039
not like the thing last night like I'm in the

00:26:37.039 --> 00:26:39.099
middle of answering one question and guys go

00:26:39.099 --> 00:26:42.119
do do I'm in the middle of talking oh that's

00:26:42.119 --> 00:26:43.599
what you used to do on the road you go guys the

00:26:43.599 --> 00:26:45.839
only way this works is you have to wait until

00:26:45.839 --> 00:26:48.200
I'm done and I'll say any more questions and

00:26:48.200 --> 00:26:50.299
then you can't interrupt but people are drunk

00:26:50.299 --> 00:26:52.299
people are drunk and the comic is too they're

00:26:52.299 --> 00:26:54.819
having fun remember that show set list it was

00:26:54.819 --> 00:26:57.619
a fun idea but the suggestions weren't great

00:26:57.619 --> 00:26:59.839
it was like placenta smoothie you're like no

00:26:59.839 --> 00:27:01.779
just say abortion I'll get to talk about that

00:27:01.779 --> 00:27:04.059
but This is stupid. This is like a non -thing.

00:27:04.059 --> 00:27:05.680
I don't even know what these words are. You're

00:27:05.680 --> 00:27:07.759
trying to be funny. It's like writers came up

00:27:07.759 --> 00:27:09.160
with the topic. Yeah, it sucks. You want the

00:27:09.160 --> 00:27:10.500
audience to come up with the topic because you'll

00:27:10.500 --> 00:27:12.759
be stunned occasionally. That sucks. Yeah. What

00:27:12.759 --> 00:27:14.779
you need is you need the audience to come up

00:27:14.779 --> 00:27:17.299
with the topic and, you know, you go through

00:27:17.299 --> 00:27:19.859
the card. So, like, does your mom know you're

00:27:19.859 --> 00:27:21.460
gay? Throw that one out. You know what I mean?

00:27:21.559 --> 00:27:23.079
Right. You know what I mean? Like, you got to

00:27:23.079 --> 00:27:24.660
find the one. I was drunk when I wrote that.

00:27:24.660 --> 00:27:27.339
Yeah, it's a good one. That's a good question.

00:27:27.960 --> 00:27:30.539
Those you got to throw out. She suspects. Those

00:27:30.539 --> 00:27:32.259
you got to throw out. What's your favorite flavor

00:27:32.259 --> 00:27:34.720
cock? I bring the same friend over for Christmas

00:27:34.720 --> 00:27:38.460
every year. Hey. Yeah, but I think that that's

00:27:38.460 --> 00:27:40.400
the best way to do it is have the audience write

00:27:40.400 --> 00:27:43.480
a suggestion down on a card, have someone go

00:27:43.480 --> 00:27:44.900
through the cards, take out the preposterous

00:27:44.900 --> 00:27:47.200
ones, and then put all the cards in like a wheel.

00:27:47.480 --> 00:27:49.180
Spin the wheel. Crank it. And then you get what

00:27:49.180 --> 00:27:50.640
you get. That's what I want to do at the new

00:27:50.640 --> 00:27:52.319
club. Because you can take away one of those

00:27:52.319 --> 00:27:53.599
nights. I'm going to have a night like that at

00:27:53.599 --> 00:27:56.730
the new club. But have a wheel. By the way, good

00:27:56.730 --> 00:27:58.549
questions you can keep for next time. Yeah. If

00:27:58.549 --> 00:27:59.769
we didn't get to them, it was a silly question,

00:27:59.950 --> 00:28:01.670
leave it in there. Yeah, if you have a stack

00:28:01.670 --> 00:28:03.569
of questions, you don't even need the audience.

00:28:03.569 --> 00:28:05.799
I've tried to do the Q &A thing sometimes. I

00:28:05.799 --> 00:28:07.779
do it. I try because I got to get new material

00:28:07.779 --> 00:28:09.259
and shit. I'm like, all right, let's see how

00:28:09.259 --> 00:28:11.519
this goes. And if that goes bad, that sucks.

00:28:11.779 --> 00:28:14.220
But every now and then you get a gem. Yeah. If

00:28:14.220 --> 00:28:16.720
you do five or six of those Q &As in a row, for

00:28:16.720 --> 00:28:18.980
me, one of them, like last night I have a gem.

00:28:19.119 --> 00:28:20.740
Yeah. And I got to go over the recordings and

00:28:20.740 --> 00:28:22.160
listen to it. But there was one where I was in

00:28:22.160 --> 00:28:23.559
the middle of it. I was like, holy shit. Yeah,

00:28:23.559 --> 00:28:25.299
you found one. This is a real premise. Right.

00:28:25.339 --> 00:28:27.140
This is fun. And people were laughing like it

00:28:27.140 --> 00:28:29.099
was a bit. I was like, this is a premise. And

00:28:29.099 --> 00:28:30.579
the more you do it, the better at it you get.

00:28:30.680 --> 00:28:32.359
Yeah, you get better. And then by the fifth night,

00:28:32.599 --> 00:28:34.740
you're just zinging and zanging. Yeah, I've done

00:28:34.740 --> 00:28:36.369
it. a couple times where like I ended strong

00:28:36.369 --> 00:28:38.819
like a closer killed and then I was like Hey,

00:28:38.960 --> 00:28:40.900
you know what? I'm going to hang out. You guys

00:28:40.900 --> 00:28:42.660
got any questions? People are just like, wait,

00:28:42.740 --> 00:28:45.940
where's Matt? It's like people just yell. Do

00:28:45.940 --> 00:28:48.400
Trump take his shit? What about Trump? Do Trump

00:28:48.400 --> 00:28:51.660
Hitler? It's better in the check drop section,

00:28:51.819 --> 00:28:53.400
and then you end with your fucking last bit.

00:28:53.420 --> 00:28:55.019
That's not a bad move. You used to do that with

00:28:55.019 --> 00:28:58.119
the wolf bit, but then you save it until after

00:28:58.119 --> 00:28:59.880
that shit. It's hard to follow a Q &A because

00:28:59.880 --> 00:29:01.900
it gets kind of amped up, and then you go back

00:29:01.900 --> 00:29:04.200
to like Uber's weird, and it's kind of a drop.

00:29:04.200 --> 00:29:05.220
You've got to sound natural. And the problem

00:29:05.220 --> 00:29:07.160
is people have got their hands up while you're

00:29:07.160 --> 00:29:12.069
doing Uber's weird. Hey, hey, hey. How do you

00:29:12.069 --> 00:29:14.529
guys write? How do you write, Shane? I just do

00:29:14.529 --> 00:29:19.269
podcasts. If I can make Matt laugh, I'm like,

00:29:19.329 --> 00:29:22.130
alright, that's good. I think the best at that,

00:29:22.250 --> 00:29:27.710
the fucking riff, just riffing, is Tim. He's

00:29:27.710 --> 00:29:30.910
the king. He's the king. Burr's great, but Burr,

00:29:30.910 --> 00:29:33.309
a lot of times, Burr gets serious about stuff.

00:29:33.470 --> 00:29:36.539
It's great. Tim stays ridiculous. It's amazing

00:29:36.539 --> 00:29:39.140
how Burr comes up with material. He turns over

00:29:39.140 --> 00:29:40.839
material so well. So fast. And part of it is

00:29:40.839 --> 00:29:43.279
because he has that rant muscle. And he sits

00:29:43.279 --> 00:29:46.940
for an hour every week. Two times a week. Monday

00:29:46.940 --> 00:29:50.420
and Thursday. I like my writing. Dylan is consistently

00:29:50.420 --> 00:29:53.960
hilarious doing it. Even when he gets serious,

00:29:54.099 --> 00:29:56.599
he's serious for like 10 seconds and then he

00:29:56.599 --> 00:29:58.359
says something ridiculous. He'll stay funny.

00:29:58.480 --> 00:29:59.680
Even if he has to make a serious point that he

00:29:59.680 --> 00:30:01.200
wants out, he'll stay funny while he's doing

00:30:01.200 --> 00:30:03.000
it. And he has good takes. You're like, oh, that's

00:30:03.000 --> 00:30:04.400
a good point. I never thought of that. way and

00:30:04.400 --> 00:30:07.299
it's funny he's got he's the master of that form

00:30:07.299 --> 00:30:11.279
that and also he's got uh his buddy ben who's

00:30:11.279 --> 00:30:14.799
his who laughs who's his um producer but he's

00:30:14.799 --> 00:30:18.609
no what's her name from stern Robin. Yeah, but

00:30:18.609 --> 00:30:21.670
it's better because it's like he's he's he doesn't

00:30:21.670 --> 00:30:25.970
chime in much He's just a one -person fan who's

00:30:25.970 --> 00:30:28.269
like laughing at everything and then Tim's wearing

00:30:28.269 --> 00:30:31.650
fucking cop aviators And you know, it seems like

00:30:31.650 --> 00:30:34.730
he's high as fuck be sober. Yeah, and gay. Yeah,

00:30:34.829 --> 00:30:37.099
it's high off semen A lot of people don't believe

00:30:37.099 --> 00:30:38.480
he's gay. He's got all that semen. I don't believe

00:30:38.480 --> 00:30:39.940
he's gay. My wife doesn't believe he's gay. Oh,

00:30:39.940 --> 00:30:41.480
he's gay. There's nothing about him that seems

00:30:41.480 --> 00:30:43.880
gay. I'll tell you, there's something about him

00:30:43.880 --> 00:30:47.920
that seems gay. He fucks guys. Sometimes he fucks

00:30:47.920 --> 00:30:49.980
guys in their butts. That'll do it. Are you sure

00:30:49.980 --> 00:30:51.420
he does that, or maybe he just fucks their mouths?

00:30:52.039 --> 00:30:55.220
True. I think he takes it. Oh, really? I thought,

00:30:55.220 --> 00:30:57.039
like, twinks. Those loud guys always take it.

00:30:57.180 --> 00:31:03.079
How do you know? My dad. Did your dad get...

00:31:03.259 --> 00:31:04.519
To have butt sex with guys? I don't know. I'm

00:31:04.519 --> 00:31:06.759
assuming. He's, you know, hippie from the 60s.

00:31:06.759 --> 00:31:08.799
He's of that age. They tried it. They all tried

00:31:08.799 --> 00:31:10.519
it. Apparently, that was, like, the thing during,

00:31:10.559 --> 00:31:12.440
like, the rock and roll era. Like, they said

00:31:12.440 --> 00:31:14.460
that Mick Jagger and David Bowie were found in

00:31:14.460 --> 00:31:16.900
bed together by Mick Jagger's wife. Mooney and...

00:31:16.900 --> 00:31:18.519
They run through all the pussy. You get bored.

00:31:18.799 --> 00:31:21.240
Yeah. It's like Gerbil with Richard Gere. Well,

00:31:21.259 --> 00:31:23.480
I think there was also, like, people were...

00:31:23.480 --> 00:31:27.019
Oh, come on. True. He's a Scientologist. That

00:31:27.019 --> 00:31:29.839
gerbil. That gerbil story was because of Scientology.

00:31:29.839 --> 00:31:31.160
Wait, did we talk about it last time? Yeah, we

00:31:31.160 --> 00:31:34.460
did. Oh, really? Yeah, he left Scientology. When

00:31:34.460 --> 00:31:37.519
he left Scientology, they smeared him. They revealed

00:31:37.519 --> 00:31:40.119
the truth. They got a rough one on him. That's

00:31:40.119 --> 00:31:41.539
what they threaten you with. Hey, we know your

00:31:41.539 --> 00:31:44.759
secret. If you leave, we'll tell you. You imagine

00:31:44.759 --> 00:31:46.099
if that's what you're looking forward to all

00:31:46.099 --> 00:31:47.960
day you're at work, you know, doing data collection.

00:31:48.000 --> 00:31:51.859
You got a gerbil in a tank. One day. That gerbil's

00:31:51.859 --> 00:31:53.880
just on the wheel back home, has no idea what's

00:31:53.880 --> 00:31:56.640
coming, dude. I know. You're going to go to an

00:31:56.640 --> 00:31:58.980
asshole, though. You got a vat of lube. You're

00:31:58.980 --> 00:32:01.799
going to just dunk him in that lube. And you

00:32:01.799 --> 00:32:03.859
got to declaw it, let's be honest. You don't

00:32:03.859 --> 00:32:05.539
want a lot of this shit. Tape him up. You tape

00:32:05.539 --> 00:32:07.539
them up. Oh, you tape them up? Yeah, you tape

00:32:07.539 --> 00:32:09.460
them. You tape your butthole closed? You tape

00:32:09.460 --> 00:32:12.400
his little mouth. You tape his little feet. You

00:32:12.400 --> 00:32:14.519
shove them in there and have them wiggle around.

00:32:14.660 --> 00:32:16.299
The taping part's got to be kind of adorable,

00:32:16.440 --> 00:32:19.599
though. Getting his little arms together. It's

00:32:19.599 --> 00:32:21.779
like a hostage. It's horrible. It's like you're

00:32:21.779 --> 00:32:23.660
kidnapping him. I never even thought of that.

00:32:23.799 --> 00:32:26.880
You tape them. You got to tape. They're natural

00:32:26.880 --> 00:32:29.059
burrowers. How do you get them in your ass? You

00:32:29.059 --> 00:32:31.240
think you shove a habitrail in there first, open

00:32:31.240 --> 00:32:34.349
it up nice, and then just... Blow them through.

00:32:34.430 --> 00:32:35.690
I think you put a treat in there and let them

00:32:35.690 --> 00:32:36.910
do their job. Your lover gets on the other end

00:32:36.910 --> 00:32:40.289
like a blow dart. Yeah. And shoots that trouble

00:32:40.289 --> 00:32:42.390
right in your asshole. I wonder if it's one of

00:32:42.390 --> 00:32:43.930
those things you stick a tube in your butt and

00:32:43.930 --> 00:32:46.990
it goes towards the heat. Maybe. It could be

00:32:46.990 --> 00:32:49.009
one of those. Like a missile. I think it just

00:32:49.009 --> 00:32:52.650
moves around. It's duct taped. Right. Is that

00:32:52.650 --> 00:32:54.430
a real thing? Are you sure there's tape? Yeah.

00:32:54.549 --> 00:32:55.990
How does it move? I'm going to make it almost

00:32:55.990 --> 00:32:58.170
up. It can't move if it's taped. It needs the

00:32:58.170 --> 00:32:59.789
legs. I mean, it makes perfect sense. Yeah. Otherwise,

00:32:59.890 --> 00:33:01.490
it would have to be declawed. Is it a real thing?

00:33:02.029 --> 00:33:03.470
Do people do it? That's a good question. Forget

00:33:03.470 --> 00:33:06.789
gear. Is it a thing that's done? Yes. JV, there's

00:33:06.789 --> 00:33:08.109
got to be some videos. Yeah, that's a good question.

00:33:08.190 --> 00:33:10.470
Jada Pinkett does it. This guy's going to juggle

00:33:10.470 --> 00:33:12.630
his ass? What is happening here? Oh, these guys

00:33:12.630 --> 00:33:14.130
are going to crack out of each other's ass. I

00:33:14.130 --> 00:33:15.910
can't watch this. Oh, he's boofing him with the

00:33:15.910 --> 00:33:19.150
crack. He's boofing him. He's going to shoot

00:33:19.150 --> 00:33:21.450
the crack in his ass? Jar of piss on the floor,

00:33:21.450 --> 00:33:23.009
too. I love they always have the fucking hospital

00:33:23.009 --> 00:33:26.920
band still on. Yeah. That's an old junkie, too,

00:33:26.960 --> 00:33:29.599
man. That guy's had time. Oh, Jesus. You let

00:33:29.599 --> 00:33:31.920
it all go, you junkie. Oh, he's blowing it right

00:33:31.920 --> 00:33:33.900
into his asshole. The new Cheech and Chong's

00:33:33.900 --> 00:33:36.559
nuts. I hope he farts it out. He's digging in

00:33:36.559 --> 00:33:39.319
that guy's asshole in his face. I saw a video

00:33:39.319 --> 00:33:41.619
I sent this. Look at him breathing heavy. Look

00:33:41.619 --> 00:33:42.859
at the guy on the right. Replay that, please.

00:33:43.039 --> 00:33:45.839
The guy, just back it up. Look at the guy who's

00:33:45.839 --> 00:33:48.000
taking the crack in his ass. Look how excited

00:33:48.000 --> 00:33:50.660
he is. Look at his breath. Oh, he's inhaling.

00:33:50.759 --> 00:33:53.720
He's exhaling it. He's, yeah. As his first fun

00:33:53.720 --> 00:33:55.680
time all day. We got to try that today. That's

00:33:55.680 --> 00:33:57.859
got to feel so good, dude. What a good bonding

00:33:57.859 --> 00:33:59.680
experience. Getting crack in your ass? Oh, yeah.

00:34:00.019 --> 00:34:01.779
It must be the best. It's definitely a bonding

00:34:01.779 --> 00:34:03.960
experience. Because crack in your mouth is good.

00:34:04.019 --> 00:34:07.119
So in your ass, it must be unbelievable. Has

00:34:07.119 --> 00:34:10.019
anybody here ever tried crack? No. Coke, sure,

00:34:10.119 --> 00:34:12.250
but no crack. It's got to be the same. That's

00:34:12.250 --> 00:34:14.789
what Carl Hart says. Diaz said he did crack for

00:34:14.789 --> 00:34:16.429
six months once. And you're like, why? He's like,

00:34:16.469 --> 00:34:17.849
because the Coke deal was out of my way and the

00:34:17.849 --> 00:34:19.469
crack deal was on the way home from the store.

00:34:19.610 --> 00:34:23.630
It's just easier. It's easier. He didn't have

00:34:23.630 --> 00:34:26.210
to make a left on Schrader. Now that Joey's not

00:34:26.210 --> 00:34:29.809
doing any hard drugs, that he just smokes weed,

00:34:30.050 --> 00:34:32.030
he'll talk to you. He'll take a pill once in

00:34:32.030 --> 00:34:35.010
a while. Oh, yeah, but he's not doing whatever

00:34:35.010 --> 00:34:38.110
he was doing when we were worried. Right, right,

00:34:38.130 --> 00:34:39.349
right, right. You know, there was those days

00:34:39.349 --> 00:34:41.500
when he had those. To go meet a guy with a package?

00:34:41.559 --> 00:34:43.500
Yeah, he would just, weird moments where he would

00:34:43.500 --> 00:34:45.659
just vanish. He would just, there was times where

00:34:45.659 --> 00:34:47.840
you just wondered, like, is he going to be alive

00:34:47.840 --> 00:34:50.019
tomorrow? Like, you know, when are we going to

00:34:50.019 --> 00:34:52.519
see him again? You know, there was moments where

00:34:52.519 --> 00:34:55.099
Joey, until his career started going well. He

00:34:55.099 --> 00:34:58.079
just quit? Yeah. He quit coke? Yeah. Damn. And

00:34:58.079 --> 00:35:00.760
his career started taking off. Something came

00:35:00.760 --> 00:35:02.760
along with the internet where people started

00:35:02.760 --> 00:35:04.559
to realize who Joey Diaz was. He could find his

00:35:04.559 --> 00:35:06.320
audience, too. Yeah. They could find him. You're

00:35:06.320 --> 00:35:08.340
not going to get a Joey Diaz off of fucking Evening

00:35:08.340 --> 00:35:10.300
at the Improv. No. You're never going to understand

00:35:10.300 --> 00:35:11.940
him. That's right. Every one of his tape sets

00:35:11.940 --> 00:35:15.179
was like, what the fuck? This is so much darker

00:35:15.179 --> 00:35:17.780
and dirtier than anything you've ever seen on

00:35:17.780 --> 00:35:20.900
film. Well, when he did This Is Not Happening,

00:35:20.940 --> 00:35:22.599
that's when you got a chance to see the real

00:35:22.599 --> 00:35:25.099
him. Yeah. If Comedy Central had any fucking

00:35:25.099 --> 00:35:27.000
brains, they'd rehire you and do that show again.

00:35:27.059 --> 00:35:29.400
It's over. Let it go. I like Roy Wood. Let it

00:35:29.400 --> 00:35:32.559
go. Roy Wood's great. I love Roy Wood. Roy Wood's

00:35:32.559 --> 00:35:33.960
fucking great. He's a beast. I love that dude.

00:35:34.099 --> 00:35:36.119
I love him. He's a hilarious comedian. He's my

00:35:36.119 --> 00:35:39.039
favorite host. Yeah. And he was one of those

00:35:39.039 --> 00:35:44.000
guys where him taking over Ari's gig was like,

00:35:44.079 --> 00:35:46.690
okay. No, he called me for permission. Yeah,

00:35:46.750 --> 00:35:48.010
he's a big guy. And I said, go for it. We've

00:35:48.010 --> 00:35:49.190
got to save these jobs. Yeah, he is the man.

00:35:49.349 --> 00:35:52.530
He's the man. And he was nice to me before I

00:35:52.530 --> 00:35:54.710
did anything. He was nice to you after that stuff.

00:35:54.889 --> 00:35:57.489
And he was like, Asians suck, dude. Come on,

00:35:57.489 --> 00:35:59.070
let's hang out. Yeah, true. No, no, I'm not saying

00:35:59.070 --> 00:36:01.369
get canceled. I'm saying he was nice. The first

00:36:01.369 --> 00:36:03.349
time I met him, I was with Soder at Sal's house

00:36:03.349 --> 00:36:05.769
for the Super Bowl thing. And he was there, and

00:36:05.769 --> 00:36:07.269
he was like, hey, he was the only one. Yeah,

00:36:07.329 --> 00:36:09.010
he's cool. Everyone else is... You ever hear

00:36:09.010 --> 00:36:11.489
his hustle stories? Like what he did to make

00:36:11.489 --> 00:36:13.789
it? Where he would do a morning radio and he

00:36:13.789 --> 00:36:16.070
would drive like five hours, do a gig, and then

00:36:16.070 --> 00:36:17.989
five hours back and do radio in the morning.

00:36:18.070 --> 00:36:20.650
Like wild shit. Crazy shit. He kills so hard.

00:36:20.889 --> 00:36:22.829
He's cool because like Andre Agassi, they taught

00:36:22.829 --> 00:36:24.269
him how to hit hard and they taught him how to

00:36:24.269 --> 00:36:27.610
aim. Roy Wood came as a fucking killer road comic

00:36:27.610 --> 00:36:29.590
and then came to New York and he was like, I'm

00:36:29.590 --> 00:36:32.480
already a destruction guy. And now let me show

00:36:32.480 --> 00:36:35.619
you what I can do in New York, too. Yeah. Creative

00:36:35.619 --> 00:36:38.780
side. Yeah, he's great. Too bad. He's the best.

00:36:38.880 --> 00:36:40.679
And also, he's such a good host. That's what

00:36:40.679 --> 00:36:43.739
I love about him. Damn it. Great host. It's my

00:36:43.739 --> 00:36:46.539
show. It's my show. It's my show. But you know

00:36:46.539 --> 00:36:48.880
what? There was Craig Kilbourne before Jon Stewart,

00:36:48.960 --> 00:36:50.320
and Jon Stewart was better. Yeah, this is how

00:36:50.320 --> 00:36:53.559
it works. Oh, good point. Am I right? You're

00:36:53.559 --> 00:36:56.920
Will Smith. Jack Park can't fuck with Carson.

00:36:57.000 --> 00:37:00.690
Jack Park can't fuck with Carson. Right? Jack

00:37:00.690 --> 00:37:02.070
Barr cannot fuck with Carson. Nobody remembers

00:37:02.070 --> 00:37:04.570
Jack Barr. You're Kilborn, baby. Yeah. And then

00:37:04.570 --> 00:37:07.010
Steve Allen was before, like, in the mix. P .U.

00:37:07.070 --> 00:37:10.250
I'm drinking here. Hey, easy. Steve Allen was

00:37:10.250 --> 00:37:13.030
in the mix with Jack Carr. We will get that show

00:37:13.030 --> 00:37:15.210
going again. This is not happening? Independently.

00:37:15.670 --> 00:37:18.409
Who owns the name? Who owns the name? I was trying

00:37:18.409 --> 00:37:19.869
to get it back from them, but we could just change

00:37:19.869 --> 00:37:21.489
it to, like, Shane and I were talking the other

00:37:21.489 --> 00:37:23.369
day. This is still happening. Oh, that's good.

00:37:23.570 --> 00:37:25.789
Yeah. That's perfect. They're going to sue you.

00:37:26.539 --> 00:37:28.800
They'll sue you for that. It's not necessarily

00:37:28.800 --> 00:37:31.179
their name or my name. It's like they license

00:37:31.179 --> 00:37:33.980
a show, so it's a gray area on who has a name.

00:37:34.119 --> 00:37:36.000
If they were cool, they should fucking just give

00:37:36.000 --> 00:37:38.920
it to me. You need better lawyers. Yeah. But

00:37:38.920 --> 00:37:41.119
this is not happening is a great name. Call the

00:37:41.119 --> 00:37:42.880
whole gang. This is not happening is a great

00:37:42.880 --> 00:37:45.809
name. Solid name for sure. Solid name. One of

00:37:45.809 --> 00:37:48.789
the best owns ever was when your special was

00:37:48.789 --> 00:37:51.250
coming out and Stern was shitting on you. And

00:37:51.250 --> 00:37:53.409
you did that video. I've never heard of this

00:37:53.409 --> 00:37:55.889
guy. You did that video with you standing in

00:37:55.889 --> 00:37:58.769
front of a billboard on Sunset with your fucking

00:37:58.769 --> 00:38:01.750
face. Ari Shaffir's stand -up comedy special.

00:38:02.269 --> 00:38:09.230
The way you owned him was a master class. Who

00:38:09.230 --> 00:38:13.190
was it? Stern. That was an early Jamie creation.

00:38:13.770 --> 00:38:15.409
Jamie has nothing to do with that. No, not true.

00:38:17.909 --> 00:38:21.389
Stern shit on Ari. Stern shit on Ari for a full

00:38:21.389 --> 00:38:23.670
half an hour. Why? Because Ari shit on Stern

00:38:23.670 --> 00:38:25.130
on my show. You never saw that? He said he loved

00:38:25.130 --> 00:38:27.070
American Sniper. And I was like, fuck him. Him

00:38:27.070 --> 00:38:28.590
and Clint Eastwood just suck each other's wrinkled

00:38:28.590 --> 00:38:30.829
dicks in their old man camps. Totally lost touch.

00:38:30.929 --> 00:38:33.269
Dude, it's crazy how you do that. And then someone's

00:38:33.269 --> 00:38:36.369
like, what? I'm so mad. No, worse. Worse. He

00:38:36.369 --> 00:38:39.269
spent a whole half hour talking shit about Ari

00:38:39.269 --> 00:38:41.530
being a loser. And he's got nothing going on.

00:38:41.550 --> 00:38:43.989
He's got no career. A podcast. And then Ari does

00:38:43.989 --> 00:38:47.820
this brilliant video where he says, It's such

00:38:47.820 --> 00:38:50.719
an honor that you even know who I am. Mr. Stern.

00:38:50.780 --> 00:38:53.179
I know you're older, so go into your, what do

00:38:53.179 --> 00:38:56.900
you use, Netflix Navigator? What is it? Here's

00:38:56.900 --> 00:38:59.739
how you can search. You're making fun of people's

00:38:59.739 --> 00:39:01.599
age? So he does a video. That was a long time

00:39:01.599 --> 00:39:05.400
ago. He does a video where he searches his own

00:39:05.400 --> 00:39:07.119
name, and he's like, look, look at all these

00:39:07.119 --> 00:39:09.480
things. Ari Shaffir, look at this. Look, I got

00:39:09.480 --> 00:39:11.280
a special coming out of Comedy Central this weekend,

00:39:11.400 --> 00:39:14.139
and here's me in front of a billboard. So it's

00:39:14.139 --> 00:39:17.190
him on, it was. Fucking magnificent. That's Ari

00:39:17.190 --> 00:39:20.269
right there. Look at this. It's fucking magnificent.

00:39:20.750 --> 00:39:23.329
Wow. That was when Ari had a career. It was a

00:39:23.329 --> 00:39:28.929
magnificent home. Because that billboard was

00:39:28.929 --> 00:39:30.809
right down the street from the store at Pink

00:39:30.809 --> 00:39:33.030
Dot. So we drove by it all the time. That was

00:39:33.030 --> 00:39:36.329
a big win for us to see Ari's face on that billboard.

00:39:36.329 --> 00:39:38.409
A Sunset Loser having a billboard on Sunset.

00:39:38.409 --> 00:39:40.630
That was a big win, dude. Can we get Roy Wood's

00:39:40.630 --> 00:39:43.070
face on there now? Literally, what you don't

00:39:43.070 --> 00:39:44.949
know is just under my underarm, just over there.

00:39:44.969 --> 00:39:47.500
I know it's there. Is my apartment. Oh, really?

00:39:47.679 --> 00:39:51.480
Is my bathroom window. Yes. Right there. What

00:39:51.480 --> 00:39:54.699
a time to be alive. To have a billboard on Sunset

00:39:54.699 --> 00:39:57.380
Boulevard. When Netflix put out Strange Times,

00:39:58.119 --> 00:40:00.059
when I did Strange Times, they put out a bunch

00:40:00.059 --> 00:40:02.719
of billboards. And it was cool. But there was

00:40:02.719 --> 00:40:06.139
one of them right on Sunset, right near Carney's.

00:40:06.159 --> 00:40:08.360
And it was like driving to work. I would drive

00:40:08.360 --> 00:40:10.800
from Sunset just so I could see it. I would drive

00:40:10.800 --> 00:40:13.760
that way from the 405. I would go from the 405

00:40:13.760 --> 00:40:15.219
just so I could see the billboard. Like that.

00:40:15.739 --> 00:40:18.360
That's a win. So when you got that, that was

00:40:18.360 --> 00:40:20.239
a win for us. We were looking at that like, fuck

00:40:20.239 --> 00:40:23.239
yeah. Ari's got a billboard on fucking Sunset

00:40:23.239 --> 00:40:26.199
right next to the store. From door guy to that.

00:40:26.360 --> 00:40:28.219
Yeah, it was cool. That's cool. It was cool.

00:40:28.260 --> 00:40:31.000
It was like, hey, all right. Because also, Comedy

00:40:31.000 --> 00:40:33.039
Central never took any of us. No. The store was

00:40:33.039 --> 00:40:35.179
full of losers. So it was like, having that was

00:40:35.179 --> 00:40:37.219
like this underdog win. How did you get it through

00:40:37.219 --> 00:40:40.300
to them? Because they don't buy anything. I'll

00:40:40.300 --> 00:40:41.519
tell you how. They help each other out. They

00:40:41.519 --> 00:40:44.239
built it up step at a time. Ari started that

00:40:44.239 --> 00:40:46.739
fucking thing off in the lab, at the old lab

00:40:46.739 --> 00:40:48.619
in the improv, the little tiny room. Oh, yeah.

00:40:48.659 --> 00:40:50.719
Back when it was a good setup. Before they ruined

00:40:50.719 --> 00:40:52.840
it. Yeah, no bar in there. Just a black box theater.

00:40:53.019 --> 00:40:55.639
They fucked that up. The old setup was so much

00:40:55.639 --> 00:40:57.860
better. Yeah. The new setup is like, it's too

00:40:57.860 --> 00:41:00.539
busy. It's like too close to the front door.

00:41:00.699 --> 00:41:02.179
People are going through it to get to the other

00:41:02.179 --> 00:41:04.519
room. Not good. But the old setup was amazing

00:41:04.519 --> 00:41:06.340
because it was really like a little lab. You

00:41:06.340 --> 00:41:07.599
did it in there a couple times, right? Yeah,

00:41:07.599 --> 00:41:10.260
I did your show there. I did stand -up shows

00:41:10.260 --> 00:41:12.199
there. It was a great little room. The new room

00:41:12.199 --> 00:41:14.599
is death. It's weird. Everybody bombs in there

00:41:14.599 --> 00:41:16.300
but Damon Wayans. I see Damon Wayans killing

00:41:16.300 --> 00:41:19.639
it. Junior? No, the big one. Older. Older. He

00:41:19.639 --> 00:41:21.780
works out his stuff. You know, Damon Wayans has

00:41:21.780 --> 00:41:24.139
recorded every fucking set he's done since the

00:41:24.139 --> 00:41:27.980
90s. He sets up a tripod with an HD. He's got

00:41:27.980 --> 00:41:29.940
a camera like this. And he edits them himself.

00:41:30.199 --> 00:41:32.659
And he goes over all of his sets. Geez, well,

00:41:32.679 --> 00:41:34.340
where's the next special? What's he waiting for?

00:41:34.480 --> 00:41:36.039
That's a good question. He's getting that TV

00:41:36.039 --> 00:41:38.900
money. He was a legit stand -up for a while.

00:41:38.920 --> 00:41:40.860
When he came in to work out of the store, he

00:41:40.860 --> 00:41:43.239
would do this thing where he'd do really boring

00:41:43.239 --> 00:41:45.420
hacking material for five minutes until the crowd

00:41:45.420 --> 00:41:47.900
lost faith in him, and then he would start what

00:41:47.900 --> 00:41:49.800
he's working on. So you don't give him the fucking

00:41:49.800 --> 00:41:52.340
freebie as a famous person. He would intentionally

00:41:52.340 --> 00:41:55.340
do bad. Really? Yeah, just to like, okay, you

00:41:55.340 --> 00:41:57.789
guys don't trust me anymore? Cool, here's what

00:41:57.789 --> 00:41:58.989
I'm actually working on. I definitely saw him.

00:41:59.130 --> 00:42:01.889
He definitely fucked around a lot and let himself

00:42:01.889 --> 00:42:04.710
get into holes where it wasn't getting any laughs

00:42:04.710 --> 00:42:06.510
for a while. And they would dig himself out of

00:42:06.510 --> 00:42:09.150
holes and then sometimes just murder and then

00:42:09.150 --> 00:42:10.929
come back. But he was working on material. I

00:42:10.929 --> 00:42:12.789
mean, he was really genuinely working. Why does

00:42:12.789 --> 00:42:14.409
he have a new special? Damon. You're a great

00:42:14.409 --> 00:42:17.989
comic. He did that show, that ABC show, and I

00:42:17.989 --> 00:42:19.769
think he made a lot of money, and he got in that

00:42:19.769 --> 00:42:23.510
whole family comedy situation where you show

00:42:23.510 --> 00:42:25.969
up, you get those big checks. You can't just

00:42:25.969 --> 00:42:28.309
start up stand -up again, too. No, he's still

00:42:28.309 --> 00:42:29.989
doing stand -up. Oh, he is? He's still doing

00:42:29.989 --> 00:42:33.179
stand -up. Yeah. I think in this day and age,

00:42:33.239 --> 00:42:35.079
that's why Steve Harvey doesn't do specials.

00:42:35.239 --> 00:42:37.059
Steve Harvey doesn't do stand -up anymore because

00:42:37.059 --> 00:42:38.820
he's worried about getting canceled. Really?

00:42:39.159 --> 00:42:40.880
Yeah, because all these guys are wild material.

00:42:41.260 --> 00:42:43.280
And then they have these shows where they're

00:42:43.280 --> 00:42:44.940
making... Steve Harvey's making a fucking billion

00:42:44.940 --> 00:42:46.679
dollars a year. Dude, Steve Harvey has that one...

00:42:46.679 --> 00:42:48.820
He's like, you're lucky I'm not in Iraq. I'd

00:42:48.820 --> 00:42:50.800
be fucking shooting everybody. Oh, yeah. It's

00:42:50.800 --> 00:42:52.900
so crazy. Oh, my God. He's like, I'm not going

00:42:52.900 --> 00:42:54.340
there. I'd be like, get that little kid out of

00:42:54.340 --> 00:42:56.599
here. He should be wearing that fucking burqa.

00:42:56.699 --> 00:43:00.239
It's like crazy shit. Yeah, him on Family Feud

00:43:00.239 --> 00:43:02.869
is ridiculous. He's hilarious. Oh, you know comics

00:43:02.869 --> 00:43:04.170
are doing that. We've got to get a group going.

00:43:04.289 --> 00:43:05.789
Moshe Cash is doing it with Natasha and a couple

00:43:05.789 --> 00:43:09.530
other people. He's like, hey, dude, you can get

00:43:09.530 --> 00:43:12.110
a family, quote unquote, the three of us, Lewis,

00:43:12.309 --> 00:43:15.190
just like dumb shit, and just go in there and

00:43:15.190 --> 00:43:18.550
just be a family. Yeah, Moshe goes, Moshe, what's

00:43:18.550 --> 00:43:19.829
your answer? He goes, will you be on my podcast?

00:43:22.809 --> 00:43:25.989
Moshe's funny. Yeah, that's funny. Oh, man, that's

00:43:25.989 --> 00:43:28.349
a great idea. Fast money. That's all me. Just

00:43:28.349 --> 00:43:29.750
get paid, free trip to L .A. You're good at that

00:43:29.750 --> 00:43:31.530
stuff. Oh, yeah, I played that for years at home.

00:43:31.670 --> 00:43:36.389
You are quick. Thank you. Autism. Yeah. One word,

00:43:36.429 --> 00:43:38.730
quick. How much of that you got? Autism, how

00:43:38.730 --> 00:43:41.429
much you got? I think I'm pretty good, like 40.

00:43:41.769 --> 00:43:45.190
40 %? I'd say. Really? Yeah. What makes a person

00:43:45.190 --> 00:43:47.489
40 % autistic as opposed to a regular person

00:43:47.489 --> 00:43:49.570
like myself? I think you have a little more...

00:43:50.460 --> 00:43:52.679
So, what are you, emotional intelligence? Oh,

00:43:52.920 --> 00:43:55.579
so what do you do that, like, you go, ah, I've

00:43:55.579 --> 00:44:00.360
done that. That's pretty good. I'll tell you,

00:44:00.380 --> 00:44:03.000
here, let me give you two great Norman autisms.

00:44:03.139 --> 00:44:05.539
Oh, fuck. When we went on that ski trip, we're

00:44:05.539 --> 00:44:08.139
getting on the lift. He's wearing a fucking Dirk

00:44:08.139 --> 00:44:10.559
Nowitzki jersey. And this guy, trying to be friendly,

00:44:10.599 --> 00:44:12.659
he's with his family. While we're about to get

00:44:12.659 --> 00:44:13.900
on the lift, he's like, oh, I thought Dirk was

00:44:13.900 --> 00:44:16.119
a lot taller than that. Norman just goes, yeah,

00:44:16.119 --> 00:44:19.659
I'm gay. And the lift is just some guy standing.

00:44:19.820 --> 00:44:21.320
there with his family like, who the fuck was

00:44:21.320 --> 00:44:23.380
that guy? He panicked. I didn't know what to

00:44:23.380 --> 00:44:26.019
say. He didn't know what to say. That's the fault.

00:44:26.199 --> 00:44:28.739
That's the fault. Yes. And then we're on the

00:44:28.739 --> 00:44:31.840
plane on the way here and he's like, can I get

00:44:31.840 --> 00:44:34.219
a whiskey? And he pulls his mask down and goes...

00:44:35.799 --> 00:44:38.559
To the ladies. And this tortoise. She laughed.

00:44:38.599 --> 00:44:40.760
It's funny. It's funny, but I'm sitting next

00:44:40.760 --> 00:44:42.440
to her like, what the fuck are you doing? Did

00:44:42.440 --> 00:44:45.639
she know who you are? No. No. It feels weird

00:44:45.639 --> 00:44:48.500
to end a sentence, so I need some button. It's

00:44:48.500 --> 00:44:51.199
too much awkwardness, so I panic. Right. That's

00:44:51.199 --> 00:44:52.980
why I don't look at you in the eye. That's why

00:44:52.980 --> 00:44:54.400
the sunglasses are on right now. Yeah, it helps.

00:44:54.900 --> 00:44:57.320
My autism results in me bringing up Joe List

00:44:57.320 --> 00:44:58.739
on This Is Not Happening and be like, one of

00:44:58.739 --> 00:45:01.219
my best friends, and you're like, eh. No, actually,

00:45:01.320 --> 00:45:02.800
he's a good friend of mine. He's a good friend

00:45:02.800 --> 00:45:04.760
of mine, but I wouldn't say Joe just because

00:45:04.760 --> 00:45:06.699
I'm like, why would you include any of that?

00:45:06.800 --> 00:45:09.119
What was that? He's just autism. It's funny,

00:45:09.179 --> 00:45:11.019
though, for me to be calling you autistic. I

00:45:11.019 --> 00:45:13.519
was literally playing a Civil War simulator on

00:45:13.519 --> 00:45:15.159
my laptop the whole way. You had a laptop with

00:45:15.159 --> 00:45:18.179
an RPG going, this giant of a man. You play a

00:45:18.179 --> 00:45:21.239
Civil War simulator? The South shall rise again.

00:45:21.239 --> 00:45:23.840
And this thing was dense. I mean, he's got money.

00:45:24.320 --> 00:45:26.460
Let's be honest about anybody who's recreating

00:45:26.460 --> 00:45:27.960
the Civil War. They're not trying to recreate

00:45:27.960 --> 00:45:30.469
the same ending. Oh, I am, dude. I love the Union.

00:45:30.469 --> 00:45:32.070
You want the North to win. I love the North.

00:45:32.250 --> 00:45:34.630
But most people, those Civil War reenactors.

00:45:34.670 --> 00:45:37.130
How could the South have done it? Hey, we won.

00:45:37.210 --> 00:45:40.150
We won, didn't we? The South? Who's we? The South.

00:45:40.389 --> 00:45:41.949
You're in New Orleans. In what? I'm Louisiana.

00:45:42.349 --> 00:45:44.170
In what way? In what? Didn't we win the first

00:45:44.170 --> 00:45:46.369
battle? Oh, yes. You were winning the battle.

00:45:46.670 --> 00:45:49.570
No, you won a lot. Okay. What was the first battle?

00:45:49.750 --> 00:45:53.670
The first Manassas or Bull Run. Thank you. Yeah,

00:45:53.670 --> 00:45:56.449
you guys got a big victory. It was a Union skedaddle.

00:45:56.840 --> 00:45:58.320
They got out of there. Oh, that's a good album

00:45:58.320 --> 00:45:59.559
title. That was the one where it was outside

00:45:59.559 --> 00:46:01.920
of Washington, so a bunch of senators, they thought

00:46:01.920 --> 00:46:04.719
it was going to be fun. They showed up for picnic

00:46:04.719 --> 00:46:08.139
baskets, sat on the hill drinking, and watched

00:46:08.139 --> 00:46:09.719
the battle. Didn't they used to watch on the

00:46:09.719 --> 00:46:11.679
hill in those days? And then it ended up being,

00:46:11.880 --> 00:46:14.280
that was technically, some people say it was

00:46:14.280 --> 00:46:16.139
the first modern war, so they started hitting

00:46:16.139 --> 00:46:18.460
them with rifled bullets, and they were like,

00:46:18.519 --> 00:46:20.920
oh shit, this isn't what it used to be. Oh, because

00:46:20.920 --> 00:46:23.000
they weren't using muskets? No, it just, shit

00:46:23.000 --> 00:46:25.420
got very serious. Artillery was heavy. It was

00:46:25.420 --> 00:46:27.960
like, whoop. And there was just a, yeah, it was

00:46:27.960 --> 00:46:30.039
a bloodbath. We'll rise again. I'm against slavery.

00:46:30.039 --> 00:46:32.059
And then the guys retreated through all the picnics.

00:46:32.059 --> 00:46:34.300
For the record. Yeah. Yeah, like dudes covered

00:46:34.300 --> 00:46:36.079
in blood with like their arm hanging off were

00:46:36.079 --> 00:46:37.599
running through the picnics and those ladies

00:46:37.599 --> 00:46:39.760
in those dresses were like, have some class.

00:46:40.340 --> 00:46:44.340
What's crazy about the Civil War is that the

00:46:44.340 --> 00:46:46.659
border between the North and the South is like

00:46:46.659 --> 00:46:48.460
a literal border. Like you could walk across

00:46:48.460 --> 00:46:52.280
it. Yeah. So how many murders? occurred after

00:46:52.280 --> 00:46:54.739
the Civil War. What do you mean murders? Murders.

00:46:54.739 --> 00:46:57.239
Where the war was over, but people knew that

00:46:57.239 --> 00:46:59.579
you shot my daddy and you shot my brother. Oh,

00:46:59.599 --> 00:47:02.340
a lot. How many? A lot. A lot of murders. Yeah,

00:47:02.340 --> 00:47:04.139
some guys kept fighting. I bet it. I mean, the

00:47:04.139 --> 00:47:06.300
Klan started all this stuff. The Klan started

00:47:06.300 --> 00:47:07.980
after the Civil War? Yeah, it was in the north.

00:47:08.139 --> 00:47:09.679
The Klan started after the war because the Klan

00:47:09.679 --> 00:47:12.019
started in Illinois? It might have been Indiana.

00:47:12.320 --> 00:47:15.039
Indiana. Yeah. The Klan started in Indiana? Give

00:47:15.039 --> 00:47:17.519
it a go. I'm telling you. Two weeks ago. Yeah,

00:47:17.579 --> 00:47:20.050
Forrest Gump's named after the guy. What? Benjamin

00:47:20.050 --> 00:47:22.150
Buford Forrest. Oh, that's right. Forrest Gump

00:47:22.150 --> 00:47:25.230
in the movie, he's like, he started something

00:47:25.230 --> 00:47:27.050
where they dressed up like ghosts or something.

00:47:27.070 --> 00:47:29.210
Yeah, and lit crosses on fire. That's so funny.

00:47:29.289 --> 00:47:31.190
I haven't seen that movie in forever. It's so

00:47:31.190 --> 00:47:34.550
good. Here it goes. Hey, fire this up. 1865,

00:47:34.769 --> 00:47:37.670
right at the end of the Second Civil War. Wow.

00:47:37.670 --> 00:47:39.329
Second clan? What does that mean? Change it.

00:47:39.329 --> 00:47:40.849
Go back to the crackhead. There were like three

00:47:40.849 --> 00:47:45.150
different ones. Third clan. Wow. What do you

00:47:45.150 --> 00:47:47.860
think this realistic like? 2 ,000 Klan members

00:47:47.860 --> 00:47:53.059
now? Circa around 5 ,000 to 8 ,000. And the media

00:47:53.059 --> 00:47:54.900
makes it into this. It's happening every day,

00:47:54.900 --> 00:47:56.500
everywhere. I don't think it's that many. 3 million

00:47:56.500 --> 00:47:59.800
to 6 billion peaked in 1924 to 1925. Yeah, they

00:47:59.800 --> 00:48:02.659
were fired up. In 24 to 25, there were 6 million

00:48:02.659 --> 00:48:04.780
Klan members. I think that was what's called

00:48:04.780 --> 00:48:07.559
birth of a nation. Yes. Everybody got fired up.

00:48:07.559 --> 00:48:09.900
These guys are cool. You know what's crazy? Yeah.

00:48:09.980 --> 00:48:13.050
How many people were here then? That's what's

00:48:13.050 --> 00:48:16.309
crazy. It wasn't 300 million. That's a good point.

00:48:16.530 --> 00:48:20.329
3 to 6 million in the 20s. Let's imagine. How

00:48:20.329 --> 00:48:22.070
many black people were there? That's not even

00:48:22.070 --> 00:48:24.690
enough black people to hate. At that point, they

00:48:24.690 --> 00:48:26.489
were after Catholics and Jews and shit also.

00:48:26.889 --> 00:48:28.389
Catholics? Yeah, they hated Catholics. Back then,

00:48:28.510 --> 00:48:29.510
they were like, black people know what their

00:48:29.510 --> 00:48:31.409
place is, but these Jews are owning properties.

00:48:31.570 --> 00:48:33.449
You guys do get a little rowdy. Let's take a

00:48:33.449 --> 00:48:36.880
guess. At the highest. You're going to get ridden

00:48:36.880 --> 00:48:38.059
up. Pulled back there. You're going to get ridden

00:48:38.059 --> 00:48:40.199
up. If it's the highest number. About three lights

00:48:40.199 --> 00:48:42.579
away from letting that one go. Bring it on, Freddie.

00:48:43.000 --> 00:48:49.719
You guys are. No, no, no. If it's 6 ,000. Million.

00:48:49.860 --> 00:48:51.780
Okay. If it is 6 million. Excuse me. 6 million.

00:48:52.019 --> 00:48:54.039
What do you think? Let's guess. That's a myth.

00:48:54.360 --> 00:48:56.500
What do you think the population of the United

00:48:56.500 --> 00:49:00.340
States was in 25? In 1925? Let's guess. 83 million.

00:49:00.460 --> 00:49:02.360
I bet it was. That's a pretty good guess. I'll

00:49:02.360 --> 00:49:06.840
say 60 mil. 60. So that's 10 %? Yeah, I bet.

00:49:07.000 --> 00:49:08.900
Off our guess. Can you imagine if 10 % of the

00:49:08.900 --> 00:49:11.920
people in the United States were in a Klan? Is

00:49:11.920 --> 00:49:13.780
that real? That's what the media says. Let's

00:49:13.780 --> 00:49:16.559
guess. You think it's 60 million? I bet it's

00:49:16.559 --> 00:49:19.199
a hundred. What do you get? Well, let's go one

00:49:19.199 --> 00:49:23.099
at a time. How many people? 83 ,147 ,000. Okay.

00:49:23.199 --> 00:49:25.619
60 mil. Is it close without going over? I'm going

00:49:25.619 --> 00:49:27.900
60 as well. I'm going to say 100. I'm going to

00:49:27.900 --> 00:49:30.780
say 100 million. I think it's 25. $1. We're all

00:49:30.780 --> 00:49:35.519
going to be fucked. 115. Wow. Joe got it. Joe

00:49:35.519 --> 00:49:37.559
got it. Native Americans were still alive. That's

00:49:37.559 --> 00:49:42.599
why. So 6 million out of 115. Yeah, that's about

00:49:42.599 --> 00:49:46.079
5%. That's a lot. That is wild. That's a tithe

00:49:46.079 --> 00:49:50.159
of clans. million to 8 ,000. We're doing a good

00:49:50.159 --> 00:49:52.159
job. They're going like Catholics. Nobody's joining

00:49:52.159 --> 00:49:54.420
up. What? You guys ever heard of that guy Daryl

00:49:54.420 --> 00:49:56.800
Davis? Uh -oh. I've had him on my podcast a couple

00:49:56.800 --> 00:49:58.960
of times. He's personally converted over 200

00:49:58.960 --> 00:50:02.340
Klan members and neo -Nazis. Just by being a

00:50:02.340 --> 00:50:04.539
cool guy. They just want friends. Yes! Oh, he's

00:50:04.539 --> 00:50:06.860
a big guy, right? Yeah, he's a blues singer.

00:50:07.099 --> 00:50:10.019
And he would do these gigs, and he sat down with

00:50:10.019 --> 00:50:11.119
this guy, and he was having a drink with the

00:50:11.119 --> 00:50:12.800
guy. He's like, I never sat down with a black

00:50:12.800 --> 00:50:14.320
man and had a drink before. He thought he was

00:50:14.320 --> 00:50:16.219
joking around. He's like, what? And he goes,

00:50:16.219 --> 00:50:17.980
yeah, I'm in the Klan. He thought it was a joke.

00:50:18.199 --> 00:50:19.360
He goes, no, I'm... I'm serious. And he pulls

00:50:19.360 --> 00:50:22.420
out his ID card. His clan ID? Yes. Oh, I got

00:50:22.420 --> 00:50:24.300
to get one of those. Shit like a triangle. Daryl

00:50:24.300 --> 00:50:25.239
becomes friends with this guy. When they ask

00:50:25.239 --> 00:50:26.739
for your fucking vaccine, be like, oh, wrong

00:50:26.739 --> 00:50:30.340
card. Daryl becomes friends with this guy. Yeah.

00:50:30.679 --> 00:50:33.679
And he converts him. The guy like goes, the guy

00:50:33.679 --> 00:50:36.139
hands him his fucking grand wizard outfit. He

00:50:36.139 --> 00:50:38.519
goes. I can't wear this anymore. Now that I'm

00:50:38.519 --> 00:50:40.639
friends with you. Because I get it now. You guys

00:50:40.639 --> 00:50:42.460
are cool. Yeah. He goes, it's bullshit. I know

00:50:42.460 --> 00:50:43.920
it's bullshit. That's really all it takes is

00:50:43.920 --> 00:50:45.820
meeting one. By the way, that's exactly what

00:50:45.820 --> 00:50:47.719
the first thing they got. Second thing they got

00:50:47.719 --> 00:50:50.519
Jordan Peterson on. What? The association with

00:50:50.519 --> 00:50:52.119
the alt -right. And he was like, no, I'm trying

00:50:52.119 --> 00:50:54.059
to get him to be cool. Right. And they're like,

00:50:54.099 --> 00:50:55.159
why are you talking to them? He's like, to get

00:50:55.159 --> 00:50:56.860
them back. Well, he was joking around about the

00:50:56.860 --> 00:50:58.920
whole frog thing. He thought the frog thing was

00:50:58.920 --> 00:51:01.760
funny. It was. It's a 4chan thing. It was funny.

00:51:01.800 --> 00:51:05.940
No. It was funny. It's a meaningless symbol that

00:51:05.940 --> 00:51:07.699
they said, let's just. pretend that the right

00:51:07.699 --> 00:51:09.460
takes it, and the right did take it, and the

00:51:09.460 --> 00:51:11.440
left got mad, and now Fortune is sitting back

00:51:11.440 --> 00:51:13.480
going, it doesn't mean anything! Have you seen

00:51:13.480 --> 00:51:15.639
the guy who created the frog? He's so fucking,

00:51:15.800 --> 00:51:18.280
he's beside himself. He doesn't know what to

00:51:18.280 --> 00:51:21.239
do. So he tried to kill off the frog, and everybody's

00:51:21.239 --> 00:51:23.079
like, nah, we're gonna keep him, we're gonna

00:51:23.079 --> 00:51:26.780
give him a Nazi hat. You saw the QAnon doc. There's

00:51:26.780 --> 00:51:30.780
a doc on the frog guy, just the frog guy. He's

00:51:30.780 --> 00:51:34.539
like, I found my message! His frog was like crying,

00:51:34.780 --> 00:51:37.539
like, feels bad, man. Yeah. You know, like that

00:51:37.539 --> 00:51:40.320
was his frog. It was like a silly thing. And

00:51:40.320 --> 00:51:42.760
that meme took over during the Trump administration.

00:51:43.139 --> 00:51:45.699
Damn. Maybe before. It was right. It was the

00:51:45.699 --> 00:51:47.920
buildup. It was the election. It was when Milo

00:51:47.920 --> 00:51:52.179
was still on Twitter. Yeah. Milo was the pinnacle

00:51:52.179 --> 00:51:55.139
of Twitter. Do you think Elon Musk brings Milo

00:51:55.139 --> 00:51:57.539
and Trump back? I would hope he does. At least

00:51:57.539 --> 00:52:00.519
Milo. And Trump, too. They're so fun. Give him

00:52:00.519 --> 00:52:04.099
another chance. It's so fun. That guy sucks.

00:52:04.400 --> 00:52:06.900
Let him tweet, dude. Milo sucks? Yeah, right?

00:52:07.139 --> 00:52:09.659
No, Milo's the best. He just gets people riled

00:52:09.659 --> 00:52:12.380
up. He doesn't care about any of it. I don't

00:52:12.380 --> 00:52:14.519
know him at all. I've never really... I watched

00:52:14.519 --> 00:52:17.769
his old stuff when he was like... really angering

00:52:17.769 --> 00:52:20.110
people I liked him when he would go to a college

00:52:20.110 --> 00:52:22.650
and be like he's a provocateur it was funny he's

00:52:22.650 --> 00:52:25.409
a very smart guy very articulate guy very well

00:52:25.409 --> 00:52:27.989
read guy who's a provocateur and he's not in

00:52:27.989 --> 00:52:31.329
real life he is but his business was made on

00:52:31.329 --> 00:52:33.650
talking shit and making people upset with him

00:52:33.650 --> 00:52:35.309
and saying outrageous things and getting a lot

00:52:35.309 --> 00:52:36.809
of attention the one clip he had where somebody

00:52:36.809 --> 00:52:39.010
he's in this panel he's young he's got this blonde

00:52:39.010 --> 00:52:41.449
bleach blonde hair and some lady's like you can't

00:52:41.449 --> 00:52:42.889
you're not a woman you can't talk on women's

00:52:42.889 --> 00:52:44.829
issues and then he waits he waits and then he

00:52:44.829 --> 00:52:46.469
talks about men and she interrupts He goes, hey,

00:52:46.550 --> 00:52:48.869
Missy, pretty much goes, we're talking about

00:52:48.869 --> 00:52:50.809
men right now, so uh -uh, you don't get the voice

00:52:50.809 --> 00:52:53.650
in here, right? And then she's just so fucking

00:52:53.650 --> 00:52:58.969
livid. He was prime. He was good. He was a contrarian.

00:52:59.150 --> 00:53:01.610
They took it away. The problem was he was too

00:53:01.610 --> 00:53:03.809
effective. And he was one of the first guys that

00:53:03.809 --> 00:53:05.989
Twitter banned. And they banned him under this

00:53:05.989 --> 00:53:09.570
pretense that he was having people, there was

00:53:09.570 --> 00:53:11.710
people that were going after Leslie Jones. And

00:53:11.710 --> 00:53:14.090
you see, I tried to press them when they were

00:53:14.090 --> 00:53:15.929
on the podcast. Yeah. but they wouldn't admit

00:53:15.929 --> 00:53:17.769
to this, but they were saying essentially that

00:53:17.769 --> 00:53:19.750
he had more than one account under his name.

00:53:19.809 --> 00:53:21.750
But he worked for Daily Wire at the time, right?

00:53:21.829 --> 00:53:23.809
Was it Daily Wire? No. I don't remember. Was

00:53:23.809 --> 00:53:28.230
it, what was it, Breitbart? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,

00:53:28.230 --> 00:53:30.650
Breitbart. Breitbart? But he, you know, there's

00:53:30.650 --> 00:53:33.710
probably other employees from that same office

00:53:33.710 --> 00:53:36.489
that shared that IP address that were also logging

00:53:36.489 --> 00:53:37.909
on. But they tried to attribute, they were saying

00:53:37.909 --> 00:53:39.309
that he had multiple accounts. They're using

00:53:39.309 --> 00:53:41.230
excuse to get rid of him. Maybe. I don't know.

00:53:41.250 --> 00:53:43.269
It's hard to say. I mean, yeah. But when I pressed

00:53:43.269 --> 00:53:45.630
them on the show, they were fucking, they were

00:53:45.630 --> 00:53:49.110
like doing legalese calculations in their head

00:53:49.110 --> 00:53:50.630
as to what they would say. How do we justify

00:53:50.630 --> 00:53:52.710
this one? The reality is we just didn't like

00:53:52.710 --> 00:53:55.090
him. I wonder why they have to even worry about

00:53:55.090 --> 00:53:59.230
legalese. It's their company. Yeah. Elon's now.

00:53:59.289 --> 00:54:01.010
They're getting sued left and right by a bunch

00:54:01.010 --> 00:54:03.530
of people. I'm sure Trump. Multiple people are

00:54:03.530 --> 00:54:06.630
in the process of suing him. Oh, I'm talking

00:54:06.630 --> 00:54:10.530
about Twitter. I would imagine he is suing him.

00:54:10.550 --> 00:54:13.630
He's suing Hillary. Is he really? For what? I

00:54:13.630 --> 00:54:15.070
don't know. He should have put her in jail when

00:54:15.070 --> 00:54:16.210
he said he was gonna. That would have been funny

00:54:16.210 --> 00:54:17.349
shit. Dude, if he would have locked her up. He

00:54:17.349 --> 00:54:18.750
said, I'm president, I'll lock you up. I was

00:54:18.750 --> 00:54:20.590
like, dude, that's so funny. As a non -political

00:54:20.590 --> 00:54:21.769
guy, that would have been hella fun for me. There's

00:54:21.769 --> 00:54:24.750
a video. There's a video. They did like a correspondence

00:54:24.750 --> 00:54:27.170
thing. Sues Hillary Clinton over 2016 Russian

00:54:27.170 --> 00:54:28.989
collusion allegations. For sure. Yeah, well.

00:54:29.190 --> 00:54:31.389
She started it. It was not true. Not only did

00:54:31.389 --> 00:54:33.590
they start it, but they were actually actively

00:54:33.590 --> 00:54:36.630
spying on him during the time. And they hired

00:54:36.630 --> 00:54:42.940
people to infiltrate his servers. They're making

00:54:42.940 --> 00:54:46.280
him likeable. They're making him very likeable.

00:54:46.320 --> 00:54:48.579
He's going to run again. The suit alleges racketeering

00:54:48.579 --> 00:54:50.980
and a conspiracy to commit injurious falsehood,

00:54:51.000 --> 00:54:52.840
amongst other claims. Clinton representative

00:54:52.840 --> 00:54:56.320
did not respond to request for comment. Suit

00:54:56.320 --> 00:54:58.579
seeks compensatory and punitive damages. Trump

00:54:58.579 --> 00:55:01.599
said he was forced to incur expenses in an amount

00:55:01.599 --> 00:55:04.059
to be determined at trial, but known to be in

00:55:04.059 --> 00:55:07.940
excess of $24 million and continuing to accrue

00:55:07.940 --> 00:55:11.579
in the form of defense costs, legal fees, and

00:55:11.579 --> 00:55:13.980
related expenses. I would love that. What if

00:55:13.980 --> 00:55:15.960
he wins? Why would it be so funny? I hope he

00:55:15.960 --> 00:55:19.480
doesn't. There's a lot of evidence. We already

00:55:19.480 --> 00:55:21.639
got fighting. There's a lot of evidence. Good

00:55:21.639 --> 00:55:24.019
point. There's a lot of evidence that they colluded

00:55:24.019 --> 00:55:25.500
against him. There's a lot of evidence. They

00:55:25.500 --> 00:55:27.559
spied on him. A lot of the shit that he was saying

00:55:27.559 --> 00:55:30.239
that was a wild conspiracy theory, not really.

00:55:30.480 --> 00:55:33.739
Turns out there was a kernel of truth in a lot

00:55:33.739 --> 00:55:35.579
of what he was saying. They were actively fucking

00:55:35.579 --> 00:55:37.519
spying on him. He should have locked her up.

00:55:37.800 --> 00:55:39.400
Fucking sitting president. That's so fucking

00:55:39.400 --> 00:55:43.280
fun. They did like a thing. They do this thing.

00:55:43.360 --> 00:55:45.320
It used to be almost like the correspondence

00:55:45.320 --> 00:55:47.820
dinner. It was like right before or after the

00:55:47.820 --> 00:55:50.400
last debate, him and Hillary and a bunch of political

00:55:50.400 --> 00:55:54.039
people had like a roast. And they joke around

00:55:54.039 --> 00:55:56.719
and shit. And one of Trump's jokes was, he's

00:55:56.719 --> 00:55:58.480
like, it's good to see Hillary. When she walked

00:55:58.480 --> 00:56:00.760
by my chair, I bumped into her and she said,

00:56:00.900 --> 00:56:04.360
pardon me. Because he was going to arrest her.

00:56:04.400 --> 00:56:06.300
And he's like, maybe I will. I don't know. Oh,

00:56:06.300 --> 00:56:09.010
that's great. Oh, nice, dude. Well, I want to

00:56:09.010 --> 00:56:13.090
thank your eminence. Dude, he kills for like

00:56:13.090 --> 00:56:15.409
the first half. Is he a Vatican? Fucking Pope.

00:56:16.050 --> 00:56:17.610
Bombs, dude. Oh, yeah, it's a Catholic thing.

00:56:17.690 --> 00:56:19.510
It's a bishop thing. And he's like, yeah, they

00:56:19.510 --> 00:56:21.530
got to pretend they like the Catholics, even

00:56:21.530 --> 00:56:23.190
though they love abortion, like all this shit.

00:56:23.289 --> 00:56:25.929
Funny guy, man. Oh, Katie. Look at him. Buddies

00:56:25.929 --> 00:56:28.269
with Schumer. They were all buddies. Oh, yeah.

00:56:28.269 --> 00:56:29.250
They're all buddies. Best friends. That guy's

00:56:29.250 --> 00:56:32.989
wicked shiny. Yeah. They're all hammered. Well,

00:56:33.030 --> 00:56:35.769
they're on that adrenochrome. It's sucking baby's

00:56:35.769 --> 00:56:37.949
blood. Imagine that, being that rich with a bow

00:56:37.949 --> 00:56:39.590
tie and still rocking a comb over. Look at the

00:56:39.590 --> 00:56:41.170
guy with the glasses. He's like, I'm tricking

00:56:41.170 --> 00:56:45.789
everybody. This is the Illuminati. Who's the

00:56:45.789 --> 00:56:48.090
girl in the red? She's something. She looks like

00:56:48.090 --> 00:56:50.550
an old actress, right? Yeah. She was a news lady.

00:56:51.289 --> 00:56:53.349
I'm into it. She's a hot old lady. Look at Harry

00:56:53.349 --> 00:56:54.570
Clinton right there. Let's hear some. Look at

00:56:54.570 --> 00:56:56.269
Dama Ray in the middle. The jokes are fucking.

00:56:56.409 --> 00:56:59.050
Hello to all of you in this room. Is that Gayle

00:56:59.050 --> 00:57:04.329
King? Who have known and loved me. For many many

00:57:04.329 --> 00:57:06.590
years she's got one glove Michael Jackson style

00:57:06.590 --> 00:57:11.309
the politicians They've had me to the bed about

00:57:11.309 --> 00:57:15.030
right. Oh They've introduced me to their children.

00:57:16.750 --> 00:57:20.170
I Become their best friends in many instances

00:57:20.170 --> 00:57:23.630
They've asked for my endorsement and they always

00:57:23.630 --> 00:57:28.989
wanted my money And even called me really a dear

00:57:28.989 --> 00:57:47.050
dear friend, but then suddenly But that's okay.

00:58:01.639 --> 00:58:09.000
The truth is... Why are they there together?

00:58:09.320 --> 00:58:10.840
They're supposed to hate each other. This is

00:58:10.840 --> 00:58:13.079
before I really sunk in. This is before he won.

00:58:13.179 --> 00:58:16.119
They were all laughing. They were like, I'm very

00:58:16.119 --> 00:58:18.960
modest. In fact, many people tell me that modesty

00:58:18.960 --> 00:58:24.980
is perhaps my best quality. Even better than

00:58:24.980 --> 00:58:51.420
my temperament. Child rape. This is terrible.

00:58:51.579 --> 00:58:54.480
Now, hold on. He starts killing. Whatever. Yeah,

00:58:54.659 --> 00:58:56.019
it's too long. It's like a bad comedy special.

00:58:56.099 --> 00:58:58.619
Like, get to the first joke. He starts crushing.

00:58:58.860 --> 00:59:00.440
He starts hitting Hillary. If you fast forward

00:59:00.440 --> 00:59:03.860
to the end, they are turning on him. It's pretty

00:59:03.860 --> 00:59:06.320
good. Yeah, he's getting laughs. And then towards

00:59:06.320 --> 00:59:08.199
the end, people get, they're like, oh, man, I

00:59:08.199 --> 00:59:15.679
can't support you. Right here. Right there. But

00:59:15.679 --> 00:59:19.849
one of the things I noticed tonight. And I've

00:59:19.849 --> 00:59:22.389
known Hillary for a long time. This is the first

00:59:22.389 --> 00:59:26.610
time ever, ever, that Hillary is sitting down

00:59:26.610 --> 00:59:31.530
and speaking to major corporate leaders and not

00:59:31.530 --> 00:59:36.510
getting paid for it. Hey, she liked it. She has

00:59:36.510 --> 00:59:41.369
some chompers, dude. Yeah. You know, last night,

00:59:41.449 --> 00:59:47.440
I called Hillary a... It's funny. You're going

00:59:47.440 --> 00:59:49.059
to have to trust me on this. That was like an

00:59:49.059 --> 00:59:51.500
evening at the improv. That's one of those videos

00:59:51.500 --> 00:59:53.880
where like start at this point. Yeah, my bad.

00:59:53.960 --> 00:59:57.119
You need to find the clips. The highlights. It's

00:59:57.119 --> 00:59:59.820
a highlight thing. Yikes. Yeah, it's just funny

00:59:59.820 --> 01:00:02.079
to see them all like him and Hillary and everybody.

01:00:02.320 --> 01:00:03.860
Piling around. That's that shirt I had before.

01:00:03.860 --> 01:00:06.860
The second he won, they got. Bill Clinton and

01:00:06.860 --> 01:00:08.980
Epstein. It's like these guys and Trump. They

01:00:08.980 --> 01:00:12.380
all were friends. Epstein was CIA, dude. You

01:00:12.380 --> 01:00:15.420
think so? He was intelligence. Without a doubt.

01:00:15.800 --> 01:00:17.440
United States intelligence? You just mean Jews

01:00:17.440 --> 01:00:19.239
are intelligent. He was Mossad or CIA. He was

01:00:19.239 --> 01:00:20.940
one of them. Or maybe together. I mean, they

01:00:20.940 --> 01:00:23.219
found, when they went to his house, they found

01:00:23.219 --> 01:00:27.159
rooms. There's cameras in every room. Who's they

01:00:27.159 --> 01:00:30.119
and how do you know this? That Nick Bryant dude

01:00:30.119 --> 01:00:32.340
I told you about came on ours. He wrote a, yeah,

01:00:32.360 --> 01:00:34.780
it's crazy. It's crazy. Did he go there and see

01:00:34.780 --> 01:00:38.179
the cameras? I think it's public. It's public

01:00:38.179 --> 01:00:41.460
records. Like the police. I love it when Joe

01:00:41.460 --> 01:00:42.920
calls you on your fax and you're like, I don't

01:00:42.920 --> 01:00:45.500
know, I kind of know it. But here's the question.

01:00:45.659 --> 01:00:47.380
If that's the case, where are the tapes? Who's

01:00:47.380 --> 01:00:50.840
got the tapes? They're not coming out. Here's

01:00:50.840 --> 01:00:54.059
how it's very clear he's intelligent. He got

01:00:54.059 --> 01:00:56.460
arrested by the Palm Beach Police Department

01:00:56.460 --> 01:01:01.239
in early 2000s, maybe 90s, whatever. He was charged

01:01:01.239 --> 01:01:05.260
with like 32 counts, 32 different underage girls.

01:01:06.289 --> 01:01:07.610
They were like, all right, we're not going to

01:01:07.610 --> 01:01:08.969
take it to trial. We're going to take it to a

01:01:08.969 --> 01:01:11.090
grand jury or whatever that thing is, where it's

01:01:11.090 --> 01:01:13.789
sealed. Nobody can find out about it. He got

01:01:13.789 --> 01:01:17.889
charged with one count, and he served 13 months.

01:01:18.110 --> 01:01:20.769
And it was like a work release thing. Yeah, he

01:01:20.769 --> 01:01:24.610
was able to leave and fuck kids. Was he fucking

01:01:24.610 --> 01:01:26.849
the kids? I think he was hooking it up. What's

01:01:26.849 --> 01:01:28.469
this, Jamie? Drone footage from when they were

01:01:28.469 --> 01:01:31.199
raiding his island. In the Caribbean? Filled

01:01:31.199 --> 01:01:34.360
with cameras. NYPD and FBI. Yeah, why is the

01:01:34.360 --> 01:01:37.400
NYPD there? Well, because he had a house in New

01:01:37.400 --> 01:01:41.159
York. I mean, he allegedly did some crimes in

01:01:41.159 --> 01:01:43.280
New York. Look into it. He had a crazy house

01:01:43.280 --> 01:01:45.659
in New York that somebody gifted him. A guy who

01:01:45.659 --> 01:01:47.619
was the CEO of Victoria's Secrets. Is that what

01:01:47.619 --> 01:01:49.219
it was? Yeah, that dude. I think that was it.

01:01:49.239 --> 01:01:52.099
He's in on it. Yeah. There was a lot of guys

01:01:52.099 --> 01:01:53.900
that had to resign because they donated like

01:01:53.900 --> 01:01:56.900
$150 million to Epstein. And people were like,

01:01:57.000 --> 01:01:58.840
why did you give him that much money? Because

01:01:58.840 --> 01:02:01.820
he runs a good party. Yeah. Great guy. He had

01:02:01.820 --> 01:02:04.900
a killer party. Really knew how to do stuff with

01:02:04.900 --> 01:02:09.659
money. But the police in Florida were like, we

01:02:09.659 --> 01:02:11.860
were told he was intelligent. Yes, I've heard

01:02:11.860 --> 01:02:13.500
that. They had a quote because they were like,

01:02:13.920 --> 01:02:16.000
how is this happening? Right. How is he getting

01:02:16.000 --> 01:02:19.280
18 months? Or whatever it was. 18 -year -olds.

01:02:19.420 --> 01:02:20.739
Yeah, I mean, he was, yeah, they were probably

01:02:20.739 --> 01:02:24.559
like, how do I get in that fucking house? I mean,

01:02:24.559 --> 01:02:26.519
it's weird shit. I'm thinking of Victoria's Secret.

01:02:26.639 --> 01:02:29.760
You see the Down syndrome model? Yeah. Oh, nice.

01:02:29.960 --> 01:02:31.840
Yeah, pull her up. Fire her up. Pull her up.

01:02:31.840 --> 01:02:35.739
She's hot. Very hot. Yeah. That's a weird situation.

01:02:35.760 --> 01:02:37.880
That was another Epstein thing. The guy who donated

01:02:37.880 --> 01:02:40.179
was like, hey, I really love Downs kids. No.

01:02:40.280 --> 01:02:42.059
Can you provide that for me? Oh, yeah, the Victoria's

01:02:42.059 --> 01:02:46.460
Secret guy. Yeah. It's my kink. It's funny because

01:02:46.460 --> 01:02:49.099
she's still hot, so they're inclusive, but they're

01:02:49.099 --> 01:02:52.420
still shallow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's her?

01:02:52.659 --> 01:02:55.179
Get the better picture. That's the picture. That's

01:02:55.179 --> 01:02:57.300
the picture. In the words of Dave Attell, those

01:02:57.300 --> 01:03:00.320
titties ain't retarded. Oh, how dare you. That's

01:03:00.320 --> 01:03:05.920
Dave's joke. There was a guy that I knew that

01:03:05.920 --> 01:03:09.059
was a counselor. The guy that I knew was a counselor,

01:03:09.139 --> 01:03:11.280
and he worked with mentally challenged people,

01:03:11.360 --> 01:03:13.769
and he said, they're always fucking. Of course.

01:03:13.829 --> 01:03:14.829
Because they don't know they're not supposed

01:03:14.829 --> 01:03:17.150
to. Inhibitions are gone or whatever. More than

01:03:17.150 --> 01:03:19.289
I do. But they just masturbate all the time.

01:03:19.389 --> 01:03:22.030
And apparently they're huge dongs. You know what?

01:03:22.610 --> 01:03:25.889
You've heard that? Oh. We've got multiple conversations

01:03:25.889 --> 01:03:27.809
going simultaneously. We've got to avoid that.

01:03:28.090 --> 01:03:30.110
Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, where did you hear they

01:03:30.110 --> 01:03:33.030
got huge dongs? I think it's just common knowledge.

01:03:33.230 --> 01:03:35.349
Big fat fingers? Boys have hammers. Yeah, you've

01:03:35.349 --> 01:03:37.409
heard that. The boys have hammers. I mean, I

01:03:37.409 --> 01:03:42.250
bet you could pull that up. I bet some guys would

01:03:42.250 --> 01:03:44.429
be like, wait, okay, how much downs can I still

01:03:44.429 --> 01:03:46.849
have a big dick and be functional? Do you think

01:03:46.849 --> 01:03:48.530
there's some chicks who love fucking downs, boys?

01:03:49.170 --> 01:03:52.269
Yeah. People tattoo their eyeballs. Well, they're

01:03:52.269 --> 01:03:54.369
very strong, man. Very strong. They can pick

01:03:54.369 --> 01:03:56.210
up cars. There's a group of people for everything

01:03:56.210 --> 01:03:58.750
out there. Oh, yeah. And women love someone you

01:03:58.750 --> 01:04:00.690
can change. They're just my favorite. You can't

01:04:00.690 --> 01:04:05.849
change them. My buddy. My buddy Spud had a friend

01:04:05.849 --> 01:04:09.389
who was buddies with a guy with downs, and he

01:04:09.389 --> 01:04:12.530
said this dude ripped. They were playing basketball

01:04:12.530 --> 01:04:15.889
outside, and he ripped the hoop out of the ground.

01:04:16.349 --> 01:04:20.610
Whoa. You see? I could squeeze that ball if they

01:04:20.610 --> 01:04:23.250
wanted. He was just like, ah. Oh, my God. Isn't

01:04:23.250 --> 01:04:26.639
that the story of Rudy? Basically. I mean, right?

01:04:26.760 --> 01:04:28.860
He's like a football player, but he's challenged.

01:04:28.920 --> 01:04:31.260
Was he challenged? No, no, no. Instagram account?

01:04:31.559 --> 01:04:34.360
What a verified account. Drags and drugs. Drags.

01:04:34.519 --> 01:04:36.739
Drag syndrome? Drag syndrome. Oh, my God. I'm

01:04:36.739 --> 01:04:38.380
not trashing these dudes. They're having a good

01:04:38.380 --> 01:04:40.139
time. They're not dudes. They're girls, you son

01:04:40.139 --> 01:04:42.260
of a bitch. No, no, no. They're drags. They're

01:04:42.260 --> 01:04:44.369
drags. Drags are just regular dudes. The first

01:04:44.369 --> 01:04:46.389
one had Gillis facial hair. Wait a minute, but

01:04:46.389 --> 01:04:50.789
drags aren't. That's an attack, dude. Oh, come

01:04:50.789 --> 01:04:53.530
on. You keep looking like a Korean warrior. I'm

01:04:53.530 --> 01:04:55.710
excited about this facial hair, dude. I'm glad

01:04:55.710 --> 01:04:57.630
you brought it up. All right. Your mustache?

01:04:58.030 --> 01:04:59.489
Yeah. What are you doing with that? Is that new?

01:05:00.510 --> 01:05:02.530
People keep telling me to get rid of it. Is that

01:05:02.530 --> 01:05:03.989
a gig? It looks like a Chinese emperor. Yeah,

01:05:04.070 --> 01:05:05.570
that's what I'm going for. Is it a gag, rather?

01:05:06.090 --> 01:05:08.349
I mean, I don't think it looks great. So why

01:05:08.349 --> 01:05:10.210
do you keep it? Well, because I've had enough

01:05:10.210 --> 01:05:12.489
people around me be like, Shave that. I'm like,

01:05:12.570 --> 01:05:14.170
well, now I'm not. I think that's cool, bro.

01:05:14.269 --> 01:05:15.050
There you go. You're pushing back. You know what

01:05:15.050 --> 01:05:17.650
I mean? I get it. My girlfriend's like, yeah,

01:05:17.670 --> 01:05:19.269
you should get rid of it. I'm like, well, now

01:05:19.269 --> 01:05:20.889
I'm not. Do you understand this? She's got her

01:05:20.889 --> 01:05:23.449
slapped. Yeah. Will Smith. Will Smith, dude.

01:05:24.530 --> 01:05:27.230
I wonder how you would look. Is it good with

01:05:27.230 --> 01:05:29.369
the chin hair? Does that balance it out? Don't

01:05:29.369 --> 01:05:31.250
worry, dude. I'm thinking maybe no chin hair.

01:05:31.250 --> 01:05:32.570
There's nothing we can do to make it. Grow it

01:05:32.570 --> 01:05:34.250
long. Grow it long at the bottom. Yeah. Full

01:05:34.250 --> 01:05:36.110
man chew. No, I'm thinking more offensive would

01:05:36.110 --> 01:05:38.469
be no chin hair at all, just a mustache. Just

01:05:38.469 --> 01:05:41.440
a mustache is wild looking on me. Is it? Because

01:05:41.440 --> 01:05:42.960
that's all I'm seeing because I don't see your

01:05:42.960 --> 01:05:45.579
chin because of the mic. It's pretty fuzzy down

01:05:45.579 --> 01:05:48.099
there. It's not good. I'm fine with it. I know

01:05:48.099 --> 01:05:50.199
it's not good. It's burned it off. Burn it off.

01:05:50.199 --> 01:05:51.300
You can burn it off real quick. Burn it off.

01:05:51.519 --> 01:05:53.519
Burn it off. I don't smell. Yeah, just give it

01:05:53.519 --> 01:05:57.400
a buzz. What's funny is if I shave it, just the

01:05:57.400 --> 01:06:00.550
mustache, pure John Candy. Really? Yeah. He's

01:06:00.550 --> 01:06:02.829
funny. And what's funny is the last couple, like,

01:06:02.869 --> 01:06:04.469
any time I'm talking to, like, agents or whatever

01:06:04.469 --> 01:06:06.650
about, like, a thing, they're like, I mean, we

01:06:06.650 --> 01:06:09.170
think you could, you're like, you could be John

01:06:09.170 --> 01:06:12.510
Goodman, Farley. I'm like, yo, why you guys?

01:06:12.530 --> 01:06:15.150
Ralphie May. Yeah, why you guys hit me? Almost

01:06:15.150 --> 01:06:18.449
dead or now dead. Yeah, what the fuck are you

01:06:18.449 --> 01:06:20.809
guys doing? You could die of an overdose of hamburgers

01:06:20.809 --> 01:06:26.300
in no time. Has anybody, you're working out a

01:06:26.300 --> 01:06:28.760
lot now. Not a lot. I'm trying, dude. Well, I'm

01:06:28.760 --> 01:06:30.019
watching you on Instagram. I'm working on it.

01:06:30.019 --> 01:06:31.820
You're losing weight. I sent you that picture.

01:06:32.019 --> 01:06:33.800
You look good. You look better, for sure. You

01:06:33.800 --> 01:06:35.159
definitely look better. It's coming back a little.

01:06:35.199 --> 01:06:37.719
Has anybody said, well, you know, you got a kind

01:06:37.719 --> 01:06:39.860
of specific type for casting. Maybe it would

01:06:39.860 --> 01:06:42.099
be a good idea to not lose weight. Oh, no, no,

01:06:42.139 --> 01:06:44.159
no. Nobody's. I'm not losing any weight. Someone

01:06:44.159 --> 01:06:46.820
said that to Kevin James. Really? Yeah. I told

01:06:46.820 --> 01:06:49.400
him to fuck off. He's like, you're losing weight.

01:06:49.440 --> 01:06:52.139
You're losing rolls. That's what he said. Literally.

01:06:52.139 --> 01:06:53.480
He's eating rolls. Yeah, literally said that

01:06:53.480 --> 01:06:56.260
to him. Yeah, literally. Sparky, what was his

01:06:56.260 --> 01:06:59.000
name? Sparky. He was a bouncer in Long Island.

01:06:59.119 --> 01:07:03.420
Big fat guy from McHale's Navy. Frazier? Sparky

01:07:03.420 --> 01:07:04.880
something. McHale's Navy. He was this big fat

01:07:04.880 --> 01:07:06.699
guy. He got tons of rolls, and then he lost 250

01:07:06.699 --> 01:07:09.099
pounds, and then Hollywood's like, yeah, that's

01:07:09.099 --> 01:07:13.059
it. Wow. What? Yeah, well, if you're a big fat

01:07:13.059 --> 01:07:15.079
guy in movies, and then you lose a ton of weight.

01:07:15.219 --> 01:07:16.599
Yeah, you're not a leading man. You're not an

01:07:16.599 --> 01:07:18.239
handsome guy. Yeah, you don't have a name. You're

01:07:18.239 --> 01:07:20.909
doing bit rolls. Interesting. That's true. Yeah.

01:07:21.269 --> 01:07:23.349
Seinfeld has that rule. If you go up or down

01:07:23.349 --> 01:07:26.889
20 pounds, your act is different. I agree with

01:07:26.889 --> 01:07:28.429
that. People see you differently. Cute girls

01:07:28.429 --> 01:07:30.710
can do a different act than you can do. You can

01:07:30.710 --> 01:07:32.150
get away with certain jokes. Silverman can get

01:07:32.150 --> 01:07:33.650
away with jokes that you and I can't get away

01:07:33.650 --> 01:07:36.610
with. Love a good fat girl. On stage? Nice chubby

01:07:36.610 --> 01:07:38.789
lady? That's comedy. Although chubby ladies have

01:07:38.789 --> 01:07:41.400
gotten a little fucking... uppity lately. Have

01:07:41.400 --> 01:07:43.340
they? Yeah, you know the fat ones out there.

01:07:43.360 --> 01:07:45.000
They're all doing Thea Vidal. They're all just

01:07:45.000 --> 01:07:46.519
doing an impression like, I don't give a shit.

01:07:46.820 --> 01:07:48.119
It's like, you're all just doing Thea Vidal.

01:07:48.119 --> 01:07:49.599
Well, wait, that's not what I meant. You went

01:07:49.599 --> 01:07:51.500
black on us. Yeah, that's not what I meant. What

01:07:51.500 --> 01:07:57.340
do you mean? No, I mean like... One more Bud

01:07:57.340 --> 01:07:58.619
Light, we're going to review this question. Yeah,

01:07:58.619 --> 01:08:01.039
we'll go. We'll come back to this question. Being

01:08:01.039 --> 01:08:04.280
fat is the best. Take it easy. Oh, right. You

01:08:04.280 --> 01:08:05.880
know what's the best? It's when a fat girl, like

01:08:05.880 --> 01:08:10.089
whoever, Taylor Swift, not Taylor Swift. Adele

01:08:10.089 --> 01:08:11.869
or whatever. And they're like, we love you. Be

01:08:11.869 --> 01:08:13.769
whoever you are. And they lose weight. All these

01:08:13.769 --> 01:08:16.970
fat chicks are like, fuck you. Look, I get it,

01:08:16.989 --> 01:08:18.689
dude. I mean, obviously they're wrong, but you're

01:08:18.689 --> 01:08:20.489
feeling betrayed a little bit. Yeah, because

01:08:20.489 --> 01:08:22.729
she was one of you. I mean, that must have been

01:08:22.729 --> 01:08:24.310
how the black people felt with Michael Jackson

01:08:24.310 --> 01:08:26.189
when he went white. Yeah, they're like, wait

01:08:26.189 --> 01:08:28.010
a second. But then when he went pedophile, they're

01:08:28.010 --> 01:08:32.170
like, he's white. Keep him. Keep him. They never

01:08:32.170 --> 01:08:34.649
believed it. That's right. A lot of people never

01:08:34.649 --> 01:08:38.300
believed it. I like that. What, they don't believe

01:08:38.300 --> 01:08:41.159
it? I love just being like, nah. Cosby, too.

01:08:41.380 --> 01:08:43.239
Cosby, too. They're like, uh -uh. No thanks.

01:08:43.420 --> 01:08:45.260
The only one they did do that with is R. Kelly.

01:08:45.420 --> 01:08:47.279
They're like, oh, yeah, he did it. Yeah. Well,

01:08:47.319 --> 01:08:49.199
there was a tape. He pissed on those kids. There

01:08:49.199 --> 01:08:51.840
was a tape. There was a tape. But the tape came

01:08:51.840 --> 01:08:53.840
out, and he was still fine. Well, he said it

01:08:53.840 --> 01:08:57.779
wasn't me. I think that was Shaggy. It wasn't

01:08:57.779 --> 01:09:00.600
me. He's currently incarcerated, right? Yeah.

01:09:01.319 --> 01:09:03.979
Yeah. So I guess it was him. Are you glad you're

01:09:03.979 --> 01:09:05.619
not into that? Yeah. I mean, it's not incarceration.

01:09:05.619 --> 01:09:07.560
Imagine if that was a thing. You wanted to piss

01:09:07.560 --> 01:09:10.520
on kids. It's like you love a lot of things,

01:09:10.560 --> 01:09:13.899
but what you really love. I would love to piss

01:09:13.899 --> 01:09:16.260
on a kid, but not in a sexual way. I've done

01:09:16.260 --> 01:09:19.180
it. I was a bed wetter. I peed on a lot of kids,

01:09:19.239 --> 01:09:22.079
but it was unintentional. Sleepovers? Yeah. I

01:09:22.079 --> 01:09:23.260
would really get my ass kicked. That fucked you

01:09:23.260 --> 01:09:26.659
up. It did. Bill's character. Maybe we did a

01:09:26.659 --> 01:09:30.199
podcast about it. You wet. Yeah, until 16, something

01:09:30.199 --> 01:09:31.699
like that. Yeah, 14. Do you think the R. Kelly

01:09:31.699 --> 01:09:33.199
thing was like what we were talking about before

01:09:33.199 --> 01:09:35.760
with David Bowie and Mick Jagger? It's like,

01:09:35.880 --> 01:09:37.920
you just get so much pussy. You lose your fucking

01:09:37.920 --> 01:09:40.380
mind. No, I think he's off. He's just got a problem.

01:09:40.380 --> 01:09:42.760
He's just a wild dude. Yeah. I mean, I'm not

01:09:42.760 --> 01:09:45.520
like - He's broken. Broken. He got the allowance

01:09:45.520 --> 01:09:48.380
to do what he wanted, and then he found out.

01:09:48.420 --> 01:09:50.039
Let me try everything. He's like, oh, this is

01:09:50.039 --> 01:09:51.520
what I want. And he kind of started a sex cult,

01:09:51.579 --> 01:09:53.399
right? Yeah, dude. He had them in the walls.

01:09:53.880 --> 01:09:56.180
Yeah, Dungeons. Do you have your shots? He'd

01:09:56.180 --> 01:09:58.100
open a closet, there'd be a girl in there like,

01:09:58.220 --> 01:10:01.739
Help me! No, but he tricked them. A Stockholm.

01:10:02.199 --> 01:10:04.300
Yeah, they were like, their parents would try

01:10:04.300 --> 01:10:06.619
to get them and be like, you need help, this

01:10:06.619 --> 01:10:08.119
guy's bad, and they'd be like, fuck you. Leave

01:10:08.119 --> 01:10:11.260
me alone. I'm 18. Yeah, dude. You saw the thing

01:10:11.260 --> 01:10:13.199
from Africa? Yeah, Dungeons, dude. What? Do you

01:10:13.199 --> 01:10:15.140
saw the thing from Africa, his concert? No. Have

01:10:15.140 --> 01:10:18.090
you had your shots? Do you want to come to America

01:10:18.090 --> 01:10:22.949
to live in Rob's house? That's a song. Do you

01:10:22.949 --> 01:10:25.850
have your shots? Do you have your passport? Something

01:10:25.850 --> 01:10:30.250
like that. What shots? First off, he rules. I

01:10:30.250 --> 01:10:33.930
still say, I maintain to this day that Real Talk

01:10:33.930 --> 01:10:36.109
is one of the greatest music videos the world

01:10:36.109 --> 01:10:38.050
has ever known. It was real. Which one was that?

01:10:38.130 --> 01:10:45.279
Bill Maher? Would you like to come back with

01:10:45.279 --> 01:10:50.699
Rob to America? America? Did you get your shots?

01:10:50.739 --> 01:10:52.720
Do you have your passport? Would you like to

01:10:52.720 --> 01:10:58.779
come back? Do you have your passport? Damn. He's

01:10:58.779 --> 01:11:01.460
like the Pied Piper. That's what he was. He called

01:11:01.460 --> 01:11:03.460
himself the Pied Piper. Oh, he did? Yeah. Oh,

01:11:03.460 --> 01:11:07.670
shit. I like how he brings a towel on stage.

01:11:07.909 --> 01:11:11.170
He's sweating so much. You can often hand it

01:11:11.170 --> 01:11:13.189
to someone in the front row and let them wipe

01:11:13.189 --> 01:11:17.949
off the sweat. He's singing passionately. That's

01:11:17.949 --> 01:11:20.649
another thing he does is like the soap opera

01:11:20.649 --> 01:11:23.229
thing he did. You remember that? Trapped in the

01:11:23.229 --> 01:11:26.829
Closet. That's not Real Talk? No, Trapped in

01:11:26.829 --> 01:11:29.029
the Closet was like multiple, multiple songs.

01:11:29.750 --> 01:11:31.689
There was a midget under the sink. That's what

01:11:31.689 --> 01:11:38.510
happened. Oh my God, a midget. No. It's funny.

01:11:38.810 --> 01:11:41.050
Before you do Trapped in the Closet, I need to

01:11:41.050 --> 01:11:43.210
see Real Talk. Real Talk is one of the great...

01:11:43.210 --> 01:11:45.989
It's him talking to... girl it's him talking

01:11:45.989 --> 01:11:47.949
to a girl and she's accusing him of cheating

01:11:47.949 --> 01:11:49.630
and he's getting his hair done and he's smoking

01:11:49.630 --> 01:11:52.750
cigars and he's like what what did i do what

01:11:52.750 --> 01:11:55.810
is it like yeah he sings in conversation amazing

01:11:55.810 --> 01:11:57.449
like that he's like do you have your passport

01:11:57.449 --> 01:11:59.210
do you want to come to america there's no rhyming

01:11:59.210 --> 01:12:02.640
or anything no you do because I think it's a

01:12:02.640 --> 01:12:04.239
great song, you know what I'm saying, even though

01:12:04.239 --> 01:12:07.399
it's a lot of profanity in it. I think this guy

01:12:07.399 --> 01:12:10.899
just got crack blown in his ass. That's the guy,

01:12:10.899 --> 01:12:13.739
dude. You know what I'm saying? So I did it on

01:12:13.739 --> 01:12:15.659
YouTube, but I'm going to do this shit for y

01:12:15.659 --> 01:12:19.800
'all on YouTube. 2007. Early YouTube. Wow, dude.

01:12:21.079 --> 01:12:24.399
Didn't South Park do this? They did The Closet.

01:12:24.579 --> 01:12:26.279
We're going to be real, man. I'm just going to

01:12:26.279 --> 01:12:28.020
be real. We're just going to roll with them and

01:12:28.020 --> 01:12:29.619
we're going to do it. I'm doing this for the

01:12:29.619 --> 01:12:33.340
fans that I know around the globe that love real

01:12:33.340 --> 01:12:41.899
talk. Wait a minute. Calm down. I was at a club

01:12:41.899 --> 01:12:50.149
with who? Friends don't care. Girl, I'm not about

01:12:50.149 --> 01:12:52.710
to sit up here and argue with you about who's

01:12:52.710 --> 01:12:56.409
to blame. Or call no names. Real talk. See, girl.

01:12:57.010 --> 01:12:59.310
Only thing I'm trying to establish with you is

01:12:59.310 --> 01:13:02.590
not who's right and who's wrong. What's right

01:13:02.590 --> 01:13:07.970
and what's wrong? This is the best part. Right

01:13:07.970 --> 01:13:12.569
here. Sitting in VIP. Smoking and drinking and

01:13:12.569 --> 01:13:15.210
kicking it. Tell me, girl. Did she say there

01:13:15.210 --> 01:13:18.439
were other guys there? Did she say there were

01:13:18.439 --> 01:13:21.439
other guys there? Well, there are other guys

01:13:21.439 --> 01:13:25.779
there. Well, tell me this. How the fuck she know

01:13:25.779 --> 01:13:32.060
I was with the mother girl? That's so flimsy.

01:13:32.239 --> 01:13:36.939
It's so good. It's so good. It's just funny because

01:13:36.939 --> 01:13:40.000
everybody knows he's lying. He obviously was

01:13:40.000 --> 01:13:55.869
with the other girl. Of course. Hold up. It's

01:13:55.869 --> 01:14:03.289
not real talk at all. You ever see a video of

01:14:03.289 --> 01:14:06.909
that guy sing to the judge his apology? No. Jamie,

01:14:06.989 --> 01:14:09.640
see if you can find it. Dude. Hold on. Oh, yeah.

01:14:09.640 --> 01:14:12.779
Oh, my God, a midget. Oh, yeah. I got to see

01:14:12.779 --> 01:14:16.239
this. Oh, it's fucking Peter Dinklage. No, it's

01:14:16.239 --> 01:14:23.899
the wire guy. Anthony. Michael K. Williams. Michael

01:14:23.899 --> 01:14:26.180
K. Williams. He was in this? Yeah. And then he

01:14:26.180 --> 01:14:29.520
says, move. She says, no. He says, move. She

01:14:29.520 --> 01:14:34.180
says, no. Bitch, move. She moves. She moves.

01:14:34.560 --> 01:14:37.819
He looks at the cabinet. He walks to the cabinet.

01:14:40.489 --> 01:14:44.369
Now he's opening the cabinet. Now pause the movie

01:14:44.369 --> 01:14:46.829
because what I'm about to say to y 'all is so

01:14:46.829 --> 01:14:50.029
damn twisted. Not only is there a man in his

01:14:50.029 --> 01:14:58.460
cabinet, but the man is a midget. There's a crew

01:14:58.460 --> 01:15:01.039
and cameraman and lighting guys here. Imagine

01:15:01.039 --> 01:15:03.600
the guys who have to record this like, what the

01:15:03.600 --> 01:15:05.859
fuck is going on? They didn't show the midget

01:15:05.859 --> 01:15:09.560
coming out? Yeah, no midget. The midget comes

01:15:09.560 --> 01:15:12.579
in the next episode. It's a cliffhanger. Dude,

01:15:12.779 --> 01:15:15.859
was he trying to be funny? No, that's the beauty.

01:15:15.920 --> 01:15:18.560
It's totally sincere. It's madness. It's almost

01:15:18.560 --> 01:15:31.100
like there was no editing at all. He kicked him

01:15:31.100 --> 01:15:43.489
in the shin! I've never seen this. Her name is

01:15:43.489 --> 01:15:47.050
Bridget? Yeah, Bridget the Midget. Why is he

01:15:47.050 --> 01:15:52.909
in a suit? He's under the sink in a suit. She's

01:15:52.909 --> 01:16:04.050
getting a gun. Put her on a table! What the fuck

01:16:04.050 --> 01:16:23.149
is going on? This is gold. This is gold. So crazy.

01:16:23.550 --> 01:16:40.050
This guy got the booster. and i found your number

01:16:40.050 --> 01:17:01.829
in my husband's pocket This is so insanely good.

01:17:01.989 --> 01:17:03.810
We should have a view. Oh, she's got a double

01:17:03.810 --> 01:17:05.710
barrel. Look at that. Oh, my God. Bridget's not

01:17:05.710 --> 01:17:08.069
fucking around. There's 27 chapters or something,

01:17:08.170 --> 01:17:10.149
right? Holy shit. We should have a viewing party.

01:17:10.149 --> 01:17:11.630
This doesn't have enough views. It does not have

01:17:11.630 --> 01:17:14.529
enough views. I know. It's like 162 ,000. That's

01:17:14.529 --> 01:17:16.930
nothing. That's nothing. Oh, this is new. It's

01:17:16.930 --> 01:17:19.850
probably gets uploaded and they take it down.

01:17:20.050 --> 01:17:22.510
YouTube thinks it's problematic. Is it his feed

01:17:22.510 --> 01:17:24.609
or someone else's? No, no. It's awesome that

01:17:24.609 --> 01:17:27.350
we just assumed that Black Midget was Bushwick.

01:17:27.800 --> 01:17:30.420
I don't know if it's not. It's not. Bush Wiggle

01:17:30.420 --> 01:17:33.079
only has one eye. Oh, really? True. Yeah, it's

01:17:33.079 --> 01:17:35.420
on the cover of We Can't Be Stopped. The other

01:17:35.420 --> 01:17:38.079
eye? Bro, I'm a Ghetto Boys fan in the old days.

01:17:38.199 --> 01:17:41.939
33 chapters. Thank God. Seven -year saga. We

01:17:41.939 --> 01:17:44.960
should have a viewing party. That'd be the best.

01:17:45.140 --> 01:17:48.659
Come on. Shrooms? I couldn't do shrooms. We've

01:17:48.659 --> 01:17:49.779
got a big screen. It's right in front of us.

01:17:49.800 --> 01:17:52.260
If we did shrooms and watched that, I'd be sad.

01:17:53.659 --> 01:17:55.880
Yeah, that's tough. That would fuck me up. All

01:17:55.880 --> 01:17:57.779
right, I just like doing shrooms. You'd never

01:17:57.779 --> 01:18:00.239
want to see a midget on shrooms. No. It fucking

01:18:00.239 --> 01:18:03.380
ruins the vibe. Sorry, Brad. Hey. What? You don't

01:18:03.380 --> 01:18:06.579
say stuff like that. No. All right. I apologize.

01:18:06.699 --> 01:18:08.359
Definitely see midgets when you're on mushrooms.

01:18:08.460 --> 01:18:10.220
You can't even see midgets anymore. Yeah, midgets

01:18:10.220 --> 01:18:12.640
are bad, dude. We're quoting Robert. Robert.

01:18:13.699 --> 01:18:16.359
Don't you think I got enough bullshit on my mind?

01:18:16.800 --> 01:18:20.560
Bitch. Real talk. I think I shitted myself. Hey,

01:18:20.640 --> 01:18:21.760
Rob, if you're listening, I want to go to your

01:18:21.760 --> 01:18:23.520
house, and I do have my passport and my shots.

01:18:23.520 --> 01:18:25.880
He's in jail. Oh. I'll still go to your house.

01:18:25.960 --> 01:18:28.319
I mean, the guy's an artist. My favorite line

01:18:28.319 --> 01:18:31.380
in that song is he goes, Bitch, I wish you would

01:18:31.380 --> 01:18:36.260
burn my motherfucking clothes. Because you can

01:18:36.260 --> 01:18:37.560
tell she just said, I'm going to burn your clothes.

01:18:39.020 --> 01:18:42.020
Bitch, I wish you would burn my motherfucking

01:18:42.020 --> 01:18:43.779
clothes. It's just real conversations he's had

01:18:43.779 --> 01:18:46.319
with subjects. It's so funny to get caught cheating

01:18:46.319 --> 01:18:48.840
and think you have a good point. Were there other

01:18:48.840 --> 01:18:50.880
guys there? Were there other guys? Right. And

01:18:50.880 --> 01:18:53.720
then he sits back. Tell me this. Gotcha. How

01:18:53.720 --> 01:18:55.640
the fuck she know I was with them other girls,

01:18:55.659 --> 01:18:59.149
man? It's amazing. I might start sing -fighting

01:18:59.149 --> 01:19:02.869
with my girlfriend. She's like, real talk. She's

01:19:02.869 --> 01:19:05.710
like, stop playing Xbox. I'm like, bitch. I like

01:19:05.710 --> 01:19:08.210
playing Xbox. What's amazing is how many years

01:19:08.210 --> 01:19:10.670
he got away with doing what he was doing. Because

01:19:10.670 --> 01:19:12.850
all this real talk was after the videotape got

01:19:12.850 --> 01:19:15.270
released. The Chappelle sketch was 2003 -ish.

01:19:15.390 --> 01:19:17.609
That's right. That's when it was a known thing

01:19:17.609 --> 01:19:19.310
that he liked to piss on young chicks. And this

01:19:19.310 --> 01:19:23.189
was 2007. It was funny. Never got to edit that

01:19:23.189 --> 01:19:25.649
out of a movie. It was funny. Edit what out of

01:19:25.649 --> 01:19:27.189
a movie? He never got edited out of any movies

01:19:27.189 --> 01:19:30.390
because of pissing on underage chicks. He's in

01:19:30.390 --> 01:19:32.930
Space Jam. Dude, I believe I can fly. Yeah, that

01:19:32.930 --> 01:19:35.470
was a huge song. Crazy, and now he's in jail.

01:19:36.390 --> 01:19:38.510
I think they're posting videos of him in jail

01:19:38.510 --> 01:19:41.050
singing. All the other dudes are like, hell yeah,

01:19:41.130 --> 01:19:43.210
this is awesome. Yeah, I mean, Cosby was doing

01:19:43.210 --> 01:19:46.949
sets in jail. He's not set yet. He's appealing

01:19:46.949 --> 01:19:50.779
and asking to be set at the Juve Hall. What's

01:19:50.779 --> 01:19:52.979
going on, Jimmy? They tried to delay the sentencing

01:19:52.979 --> 01:19:54.939
just yesterday, and that got denied. So it's

01:19:54.939 --> 01:19:57.640
May 4th, and he faces 10 to life. We should go.

01:19:57.779 --> 01:19:59.680
Wait, wait. What's he in trouble for, tricking

01:19:59.680 --> 01:20:02.720
bitches? Pretty much. No, he's in a trouble.

01:20:02.859 --> 01:20:04.760
There's underage shit. There's a lot of shit.

01:20:04.779 --> 01:20:06.359
Oh, yeah. There's many things. There's, like,

01:20:06.479 --> 01:20:10.079
imprisonment. I hope he sings defense. He should

01:20:10.079 --> 01:20:12.520
sing sex accord. I'd like to represent myself.

01:20:12.579 --> 01:20:15.260
Can I say one more thing? What are the charges?

01:20:15.819 --> 01:20:18.180
Sex trafficking convictions. Excuse me, convictions.

01:20:18.680 --> 01:20:22.100
Sex trafficking. Yeah. Ah, dang it. What's sex

01:20:22.100 --> 01:20:23.960
trafficking? That's a tough one. How does sex

01:20:23.960 --> 01:20:27.020
trafficking... Oh, he was getting girls. Illegally.

01:20:27.039 --> 01:20:29.399
He would... I mean, he would just... Maybe they

01:20:29.399 --> 01:20:31.479
must be minors, but I think he was getting girls

01:20:31.479 --> 01:20:34.060
from, like, Ohio or wherever and bringing them...

01:20:34.060 --> 01:20:36.340
Prohibits the transport of any woman or girl

01:20:36.340 --> 01:20:38.539
across state lines for any immoral purpose. Oh,

01:20:38.619 --> 01:20:41.279
no. We're all in trouble. Oh, yeah. Right? What's

01:20:41.279 --> 01:20:45.510
immoral? Right? Because sodomy is like, oral

01:20:45.510 --> 01:20:48.829
sex is illegal in some states. That's true. So

01:20:48.829 --> 01:20:51.189
if a girl comes across the state line to visit

01:20:51.189 --> 01:20:52.630
you and blow you. That's why I always try to

01:20:52.630 --> 01:20:56.649
tell girls. Federal charges of child pornography

01:20:56.649 --> 01:20:59.590
and obstruction of justice. Oh, that's separate.

01:20:59.770 --> 01:21:01.750
I'm actually with the people that deny this,

01:21:01.829 --> 01:21:06.609
dude. Free Kells. He's innocent, dude. Look at

01:21:06.609 --> 01:21:11.189
him. Find the video of him singing in jail. Go

01:21:11.189 --> 01:21:13.310
to a reddit wait what yeah, he's in jail singing

01:21:13.310 --> 01:21:15.069
for the for the fellas. I thought that was a

01:21:15.069 --> 01:21:17.970
joke No, I've seen a video of him singing in

01:21:17.970 --> 01:21:20.069
jail think that it's fucking good prison stop

01:21:20.069 --> 01:21:42.329
our Kelly from singing true He's so good. He's

01:21:42.329 --> 01:21:43.890
basically saying, don't rape me, guys. Please.

01:21:44.470 --> 01:21:46.850
I'll sing for you. I'll play the hits. Please,

01:21:46.850 --> 01:21:48.270
please leave me alone. Whatever you want. Is

01:21:48.270 --> 01:21:51.069
there more? My body is telling me yes. He's talking

01:21:51.069 --> 01:21:53.210
about gay sex in jail. There is a video going

01:21:53.210 --> 01:21:54.810
around. I sent this to a girl last night because

01:21:54.810 --> 01:21:57.210
it's like his style. That's going to get the

01:21:57.210 --> 01:21:59.050
boys fired up. If I heard that song in there.

01:21:59.210 --> 01:22:01.409
Oh, yeah. It gives you hope. Yeah. I'd like to

01:22:01.409 --> 01:22:03.130
have sex with that guy. Yeah. You finish that

01:22:03.130 --> 01:22:04.649
song and go, now go out there and we're going

01:22:04.649 --> 01:22:09.050
to go rape. Yeah. Go get those white guys in

01:22:09.050 --> 01:22:11.869
here on DUI. This video is called River Cries

01:22:11.869 --> 01:22:14.750
First Night. It's open game. My mind is telling

01:22:14.750 --> 01:22:16.390
me no, my body's telling me yes. That was one

01:22:16.390 --> 01:22:18.970
of his big hits. Yeah, it was. Wow. My body's

01:22:18.970 --> 01:22:20.869
telling me yes. See if there's any other videos

01:22:20.869 --> 01:22:23.930
of him in jail. Who's got any more? Who's got

01:22:23.930 --> 01:22:29.369
a YouTube? I got the camera. Does it? Caught

01:22:29.369 --> 01:22:33.630
singing to a girl on TikTok from jail. Wow. Try

01:22:33.630 --> 01:22:36.170
that. It's an hour and 15 minute video. We'll

01:22:36.170 --> 01:22:38.189
just scoot you in. That's a lot. Long episode

01:22:38.189 --> 01:22:39.869
today. Yeah, play the whole thing. Don't you

01:22:39.869 --> 01:22:44.229
think I got enough bullshit on my mind? Real

01:22:44.229 --> 01:22:46.449
talk. To ask you something, can you sing a song

01:22:46.449 --> 01:22:54.229
for me? Which one? Love Letter. Did you get my

01:22:54.229 --> 01:23:06.520
call? Voice of an angel. When your dad goes to

01:23:06.520 --> 01:23:12.479
the same prison as R. Kelly. Thank you. That's

01:23:12.479 --> 01:23:15.340
adorable. When your dad goes to the same prison

01:23:15.340 --> 01:23:18.880
as R. Kelly. That is wild. Man. That is wild.

01:23:18.920 --> 01:23:22.020
Kelly hired Bill Cosby's legal counsel? They

01:23:22.020 --> 01:23:23.680
did pretty good. That's what it said. Yeah, he's

01:23:23.680 --> 01:23:25.739
out. He's out. Yeah, they did a real good job.

01:23:25.779 --> 01:23:27.300
No one's talking about the fact that he's out,

01:23:27.340 --> 01:23:28.800
right? He's out. I think he's done a show. Is

01:23:28.800 --> 01:23:31.479
he out? No. Is he done? I think he's out. Then

01:23:31.479 --> 01:23:33.199
what happened? How did he get out? I think they

01:23:33.199 --> 01:23:35.140
said... There was a technicality or some shit?

01:23:35.199 --> 01:23:37.340
They said the stuff he admitted to was... They

01:23:37.340 --> 01:23:39.220
promised him they wouldn't prosecute him if he

01:23:39.220 --> 01:23:40.520
confessed. It was something like that. And they

01:23:40.520 --> 01:23:42.960
used what he said in that moment. And they're

01:23:42.960 --> 01:23:44.880
like, you can't... And they just did it because

01:23:44.880 --> 01:23:46.680
they didn't want riots in the streets. Supreme

01:23:46.680 --> 01:23:49.399
Court will not review the decision to overturn

01:23:49.399 --> 01:23:51.800
Bill Cosby's conviction. Prosecutors had appealed

01:23:51.800 --> 01:23:54.460
a ruling by the Pennsylvania Supreme Court, which

01:23:54.460 --> 01:23:56.680
had overturned the conviction on due process

01:23:56.680 --> 01:24:00.380
grounds. So he's out. Wow. Damn, that's a shame.

01:24:00.539 --> 01:24:03.079
Wow. Look at that shirt. Central 256. What is

01:24:03.079 --> 01:24:06.579
that? Filled up an area code? So he's out, out.

01:24:07.800 --> 01:24:09.819
What is he doing? What is Bill Cosby doing today?

01:24:10.000 --> 01:24:13.319
Is that his wife? Go to his YouTube page. I think

01:24:13.319 --> 01:24:17.239
that's like his legal team. Oh, damn. That lady's...

01:24:17.239 --> 01:24:20.479
Wow. She's ballsy for repping him. That's wild.

01:24:21.460 --> 01:24:24.199
He's out, out. It's a weird world. If he got

01:24:24.199 --> 01:24:25.640
let off in the beginning, it would have been

01:24:25.640 --> 01:24:28.760
fucking murder in the streets. Yeah. Yeah, but

01:24:28.760 --> 01:24:30.880
now it's... What do you mean? Everyone lost their

01:24:30.880 --> 01:24:32.239
fucking... Oh, look at this. He does have a YouTube

01:24:32.239 --> 01:24:34.600
channel, and it's all Cosby Show shit from four

01:24:34.600 --> 01:24:35.640
years ago. Oh, he got the rights back. Well,

01:24:35.640 --> 01:24:37.699
the show was good. The show was good. Did he

01:24:37.699 --> 01:24:39.340
get the rights back to the Cosby Show? How could

01:24:39.340 --> 01:24:41.640
he put it up? NBC would take all this down. But

01:24:41.640 --> 01:24:43.739
it's like one minute, 51 seconds, two minutes,

01:24:43.859 --> 01:24:45.500
40 seconds. You'd think NBC would go, no, you

01:24:45.500 --> 01:24:47.500
don't have to watch this. Why does it say Comedy

01:24:47.500 --> 01:24:49.539
Central? He did a special with them. He's only

01:24:49.539 --> 01:24:52.579
got 16 ,000 subscribers. He did. That's nuts.

01:24:53.039 --> 01:24:55.340
I know, right? Guys, look at that. Bill Cosby

01:24:55.340 --> 01:24:57.460
has 16 ,000 subscribers on YouTube. It may or

01:24:57.460 --> 01:24:59.520
may not be his official channel. Let's make it

01:24:59.520 --> 01:25:01.539
his official. Yeah, probably not. Pissing on

01:25:01.539 --> 01:25:04.359
my parade, bro. Hey, R. Kelly. He does have a

01:25:04.359 --> 01:25:05.680
Twitter account. That's one of his songs. His

01:25:05.680 --> 01:25:08.279
account does exist. Dang it. But he had an account

01:25:08.279 --> 01:25:10.279
for a long time. Do you think Twitter banned

01:25:10.279 --> 01:25:12.180
his account? I was going to say, the R. Kelly

01:25:12.180 --> 01:25:14.840
thing, the day he got convicted, his YouTube

01:25:14.840 --> 01:25:18.380
account got deleted. Wow. Damn. He works for

01:25:18.380 --> 01:25:19.539
Sleepy's now. That's why all his videos aren't

01:25:19.539 --> 01:25:23.220
there anymore. So June of 2021 is when he got

01:25:23.220 --> 01:25:26.880
out. He got it. Wow. He works for Sleepy's now.

01:25:27.000 --> 01:25:29.840
You son of a bitch. All right. Son of a bitch.

01:25:30.490 --> 01:25:35.430
Son of a B. Ari, what the hell, dude? You got

01:25:35.430 --> 01:25:37.090
a pee? I got a piss, yeah. All right, go ahead.

01:25:37.149 --> 01:25:39.350
I have a penis. Good luck. I have a penis. All

01:25:39.350 --> 01:25:41.930
right, lock that door behind him. Yeah, get him

01:25:41.930 --> 01:25:44.689
out of here. Real talk. Don't you think I got

01:25:44.689 --> 01:25:46.270
enough bullshit on my mind? Yeah, it's nice.

01:25:46.390 --> 01:25:48.529
It's nice to sing Fight a Girl. Do you think

01:25:48.529 --> 01:25:51.750
Weinstein ever gets out? He might die in there.

01:25:52.489 --> 01:25:53.810
Weinstein's going to be in there forever, right?

01:25:53.869 --> 01:25:55.789
Yeah, he looks bad. He looks like a pug, dude.

01:25:55.810 --> 01:25:58.689
Real bad. He can't walk anymore. Yeah, it's bad.

01:25:58.850 --> 01:26:01.659
He's fucked up. Yeah, and he got COVID twice

01:26:01.659 --> 01:26:05.319
in jail. Damn. When you get COVID in jail, they

01:26:05.319 --> 01:26:07.720
just put a fan in your room. That's a different

01:26:07.720 --> 01:26:11.399
kind of COVID. Jail COVID. He's probably got

01:26:11.399 --> 01:26:13.600
it nice. He's probably hooked up. You think so?

01:26:13.760 --> 01:26:15.279
I would imagine. I don't think he has any money

01:26:15.279 --> 01:26:17.359
left. I think they've basically taken all of

01:26:17.359 --> 01:26:20.819
his money. He had some good movies. Fuck, dude.

01:26:20.819 --> 01:26:23.100
Yeah, he had every movie. Here he is. Disgraced

01:26:23.100 --> 01:26:25.619
producer Harvey Weinstein caught smuggling milk

01:26:25.619 --> 01:26:30.880
duds in jail. Oh, my God. Wow. What a life. Look,

01:26:31.020 --> 01:26:33.619
I think obviously what he did was horrific. Let

01:26:33.619 --> 01:26:36.550
the dude have some Milk Duds. He's dying, dude.

01:26:36.630 --> 01:26:38.850
Give him some duds. You don't get a dud. No duds.

01:26:39.109 --> 01:26:42.090
No more duds. No duds. It's over, Harv. You fucked

01:26:42.090 --> 01:26:43.869
up. And they took it from him. No more duds,

01:26:43.970 --> 01:26:47.649
dude. You fucked up. That might tack on six months

01:26:47.649 --> 01:26:51.590
to a sentence. No. There was an innocent misunderstanding,

01:26:52.109 --> 01:26:54.409
Weinstein said. It will not happen again. He

01:26:54.409 --> 01:26:56.329
said that a couple times. I've been a model inmate

01:26:56.329 --> 01:26:58.069
following the rules and regulations, and I'm

01:26:58.069 --> 01:27:00.670
sincerely sorry. Wow. Bro, that guy must. How

01:27:00.670 --> 01:27:02.850
long is he supposed to be in jail for? Definitely

01:27:02.850 --> 01:27:05.939
forever. Ever. I wonder. You know that joke?

01:27:06.399 --> 01:27:08.859
You know you're in for a long time when you leave

01:27:08.859 --> 01:27:12.380
off the four. Bernie Mac? Yeah. Leave off the

01:27:12.380 --> 01:27:14.680
four. Yeah, he goes, how long you in here for?

01:27:14.739 --> 01:27:18.359
He's like, ever. Was that from Life, the movie?

01:27:18.359 --> 01:27:21.880
That was from I'm Not Scared of You, Motherfuckers.

01:27:21.880 --> 01:27:24.199
Oh, is it? Yeah. Oh, wow. It's at the end. He's

01:27:24.199 --> 01:27:25.460
like, oh, you in here for another motherfucker?

01:27:25.920 --> 01:27:28.079
Yeah, yeah. So how many years has he been in

01:27:28.079 --> 01:27:30.479
jail for now? Harvey Weinstein? Yeah, two or

01:27:30.479 --> 01:27:32.119
three, right? Oh, he was out for a long time.

01:27:32.560 --> 01:27:34.460
We had a waitress at the stand who used to work

01:27:34.460 --> 01:27:37.039
at Rockwood Music Hall when we did shows there.

01:27:37.100 --> 01:27:39.899
Yeah. And she said, he just came in. And they

01:27:39.899 --> 01:27:41.020
were like, you got to serve him. And they were

01:27:41.020 --> 01:27:42.380
all the waitress was like, we don't want to.

01:27:42.500 --> 01:27:43.840
And they're like, his money's green just like

01:27:43.840 --> 01:27:45.060
everybody. You got to serve him. And they were

01:27:45.060 --> 01:27:46.720
like, this is kind of, but we don't want to.

01:27:47.199 --> 01:27:50.199
Weird. Yeah. Remember that comic you got him?

01:27:51.220 --> 01:27:53.479
Yeah. She was like, why are we all just pretending

01:27:53.479 --> 01:27:56.050
like Harvey Weinstein's not here? Yeah, that

01:27:56.050 --> 01:27:58.770
was pretty funny. That was really funny. I would

01:27:58.770 --> 01:28:01.569
have been a pussy. I would have been like, it's

01:28:01.569 --> 01:28:03.890
really cool Harvey Weinstein's here. No, I would

01:28:03.890 --> 01:28:05.130
have said something knowing the camera was on

01:28:05.130 --> 01:28:07.409
me. Like, oh, this guy sucks. Well, do you think

01:28:07.409 --> 01:28:09.069
he thought that he was going to win the court

01:28:09.069 --> 01:28:11.510
case? Why didn't he just flee to Antigua or something?

01:28:11.529 --> 01:28:13.229
Right? I think he thought he was going to win.

01:28:13.270 --> 01:28:15.310
I think he was too big. His ego. He's like, I

01:28:15.310 --> 01:28:17.630
got this. Do you think his lawyers told him?

01:28:17.770 --> 01:28:21.680
Yeah. Because he was huge. Where do you go? If

01:28:21.680 --> 01:28:23.479
you were that guy and you wanted to bail, you

01:28:23.479 --> 01:28:26.319
can't. But he's French. The thing is, Polanski

01:28:26.319 --> 01:28:28.039
can live in France. They allow him. You know

01:28:28.039 --> 01:28:30.819
where to go? Israel. That's the move? They'll

01:28:30.819 --> 01:28:33.539
take any Jew, right of return. What if I'm not

01:28:33.539 --> 01:28:36.220
a Jew? Sorry, dude. Oh, they'd take you in. Damn.

01:28:36.399 --> 01:28:37.760
Take me in? Not very inclusive. I'll take you

01:28:37.760 --> 01:28:40.359
with me. Yeah? You could take me in? Yeah. Can

01:28:40.359 --> 01:28:43.880
I be an honorary Jew? Yeah. Jew, really? Circumcised?

01:28:43.880 --> 01:28:46.039
Because of your money now, you can. Circumcised?

01:28:46.159 --> 01:28:49.399
Yes. That's not what I heard. What? Yeah, yeah.

01:28:49.560 --> 01:28:55.560
Do you think that if something happened to you,

01:28:55.560 --> 01:28:57.449
you would flee to Israel? I'd flee somewhere.

01:28:57.750 --> 01:29:00.010
I'd reinvent myself. I would just go, like, I'd

01:29:00.010 --> 01:29:02.050
reinvent myself. Shave my head, go a different

01:29:02.050 --> 01:29:03.670
name, and just go to Campo. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh,

01:29:03.949 --> 01:29:06.189
nobody would recognize you there. Yeah, you fucking

01:29:06.189 --> 01:29:08.550
stash. Go to Campo. Go to some, like, nothing

01:29:08.550 --> 01:29:10.229
village somewhere. It wouldn't be Israel. It'd

01:29:10.229 --> 01:29:11.449
be like, I'll just live in a place. They'll throw

01:29:11.449 --> 01:29:12.869
you right under the bus. The people with cell

01:29:12.869 --> 01:29:14.289
phones in the village will be like, look at this.

01:29:14.449 --> 01:29:19.569
Ari Javier. Ari Javier. We're going to do it.

01:29:19.609 --> 01:29:21.449
Well, you lived in China for a hot minute, didn't

01:29:21.449 --> 01:29:23.390
you? Yeah, I lived all over. It's like, yeah,

01:29:23.489 --> 01:29:25.189
you just go live in a place where they don't

01:29:25.189 --> 01:29:26.069
know anything about America. Yeah, I think it's

01:29:26.069 --> 01:29:28.399
tough. to get out, though. Get out. Getting out

01:29:28.399 --> 01:29:30.279
of the country. Tell a story about when you were

01:29:30.279 --> 01:29:32.439
in China and some guy chased you out of his house

01:29:32.439 --> 01:29:34.939
with a baseball bat because you were having relations

01:29:34.939 --> 01:29:39.460
with his daughter. Whoa. Kills. Wuhan? Oh my

01:29:39.460 --> 01:29:43.460
God, it's China. It's a Chinese man with a baseball

01:29:43.460 --> 01:29:47.880
bat. And he's swinging at my hand. He came in

01:29:47.880 --> 01:29:51.039
like waving. He was like, China, kill me. The

01:29:51.039 --> 01:29:53.199
Chinese love baseball, too. I ran out of there.

01:29:53.500 --> 01:29:54.859
I was so frightened. I haven't thought of that

01:29:54.859 --> 01:29:56.359
in a while. What happened? Tell me what happened.

01:29:56.399 --> 01:29:57.960
I was hooking up with some chick in some show

01:29:57.960 --> 01:30:00.600
outside. Any language barrier? Asian? A major

01:30:00.600 --> 01:30:02.479
language barrier. Did she speak English at all?

01:30:02.600 --> 01:30:05.439
Language of love. Well, Jewish men love to eat

01:30:05.439 --> 01:30:10.039
Chinese. It wasn't Christmas. So was she saying

01:30:10.039 --> 01:30:12.659
anything in English to you, or was it just implied?

01:30:12.659 --> 01:30:14.979
Did you get her age and have to be Google Translate?

01:30:16.359 --> 01:30:18.260
We did Google Translate a little bit. That works.

01:30:18.500 --> 01:30:20.600
Yeah, to make up the barrier. She spoke a little

01:30:20.600 --> 01:30:23.119
bit, and then we were there hooking up. How old

01:30:23.119 --> 01:30:27.239
was she? About 12 or 13 at least. So she came

01:30:27.239 --> 01:30:30.380
to your show? Yeah. It was at a bar, and she

01:30:30.380 --> 01:30:32.880
spoke some English. Was she laughing at your

01:30:32.880 --> 01:30:35.279
act? I don't know. It was just afterwards. We

01:30:35.279 --> 01:30:37.640
were talking at the bar afterwards. Wow. That's

01:30:37.640 --> 01:30:40.880
how you know when it comes to just a lady. She

01:30:40.880 --> 01:30:42.680
didn't even know if your jokes were funny. She

01:30:42.680 --> 01:30:44.899
just saw you with a light on you and a microphone,

01:30:44.979 --> 01:30:46.739
and she was like, wow, cool. I assume it was

01:30:46.739 --> 01:30:49.140
doing well. Yeah. I think it was the show that

01:30:49.140 --> 01:30:51.940
was right over the border from Hong Kong. remember

01:30:51.940 --> 01:30:53.199
exactly which one it was. I assume you were bombing.

01:30:55.699 --> 01:30:57.819
That's nasty, dude. So how did it go? What happened?

01:30:58.000 --> 01:31:00.079
He started screaming and holding a fucking baseball

01:31:00.079 --> 01:31:02.100
bat. Don't lie. All right, good. So you go back

01:31:02.100 --> 01:31:03.840
to the house. I was frightened up. Give me the

01:31:03.840 --> 01:31:05.520
whole story. We go back to the house. She's like,

01:31:05.560 --> 01:31:08.239
shh. I'm like, it's not my first rodeo. It's

01:31:08.239 --> 01:31:10.359
like, of course. You go in there. We start making

01:31:10.359 --> 01:31:12.199
out. And the door just, I mean, we're taking

01:31:12.199 --> 01:31:15.680
our clothes off. You know, sex. Chopsticks? And

01:31:15.680 --> 01:31:19.800
then the door just busts open. I hadn't, like,

01:31:19.800 --> 01:31:22.600
penetrated yet. Get your dick out? But they were

01:31:22.600 --> 01:31:24.520
screaming, dude. How loud was it? Yeah, I had

01:31:24.520 --> 01:31:25.779
my dick out. Chinese dude with a bat? That must

01:31:25.779 --> 01:31:27.180
have been the loudest fucking thing on earth.

01:31:27.279 --> 01:31:29.020
It was frightening. It looked like Empire of

01:31:29.020 --> 01:31:31.579
the Sun. It was just like... Did you ever put

01:31:31.579 --> 01:31:33.439
your pants back on? Yeah. So I had to, like,

01:31:33.439 --> 01:31:35.640
navigate this guy being angry and holding a weapon,

01:31:35.699 --> 01:31:38.079
and I'm trying to, like, close up. Whoa. Yeah.

01:31:38.899 --> 01:31:40.800
Matsui. And get around the door. Unlike Louie,

01:31:40.819 --> 01:31:43.800
this guy did block the door. So how'd you get

01:31:43.800 --> 01:31:45.939
out? He kind of, like, he wanted me out of there.

01:31:46.239 --> 01:31:48.880
So he just kind of like screamed. And then as

01:31:48.880 --> 01:31:50.180
I was running out, I could hear him screaming

01:31:50.180 --> 01:31:53.899
at the daughter. Damn. You're like Moffat over

01:31:53.899 --> 01:31:56.479
there. You're probably towering over them. Did

01:31:56.479 --> 01:31:58.760
you have any more shows in that city? No. That

01:31:58.760 --> 01:32:01.939
was it. We went home the next day. Damn. Were

01:32:01.939 --> 01:32:03.979
you walking through the airport nervous? No,

01:32:03.979 --> 01:32:05.640
because he was back over the border into Hong

01:32:05.640 --> 01:32:07.800
Kong. Oh, okay. That was staying. Was she yelling

01:32:07.800 --> 01:32:09.859
at the dad like, no, no, no? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:32:10.060 --> 01:32:12.020
She was like screaming at him. I'm like, this

01:32:12.020 --> 01:32:14.380
is not my situation. My boner did not remain.

01:32:14.380 --> 01:32:16.819
How old was the dad? Might have been a boyfriend

01:32:16.819 --> 01:32:18.760
or husband. He was old, like my age. Oh, okay.

01:32:20.460 --> 01:32:23.020
There we go, Ari. There you go. Hey, hey. Hey,

01:32:23.020 --> 01:32:25.399
you got some juice left? Yeah, that suit's bringing

01:32:25.399 --> 01:32:28.220
you back. God, what a weird fucking time. God,

01:32:28.319 --> 01:32:30.600
it was fucking weird. But how fun is that shit?

01:32:30.800 --> 01:32:33.260
You did the China run? Yeah. What a great fucking

01:32:33.260 --> 01:32:35.020
cool run it was. It was fun. I saw the wall.

01:32:35.340 --> 01:32:37.460
Beijing was awesome. How many shows you did?

01:32:37.659 --> 01:32:40.399
We did a show at night for two weeks. Wow. Yeah,

01:32:40.420 --> 01:32:42.979
17 days for me. Shanghai. Did you do the zip

01:32:42.979 --> 01:32:46.960
car down the wall? Yes, I did. It's so cool.

01:32:47.239 --> 01:32:49.159
It's a sign in there going, this is not regulated.

01:32:49.439 --> 01:32:51.460
Use your own risk. And you just have to fucking

01:32:51.460 --> 01:32:54.720
go or stop. It's janky. It's janky. It's so fun.

01:32:54.939 --> 01:32:57.260
But it was fun. How many, who'd you go with?

01:32:57.279 --> 01:32:59.880
How many comics? It was just me. Just you? Yeah.

01:33:00.079 --> 01:33:01.539
And the opening act? Did you have an opening

01:33:01.539 --> 01:33:04.319
act? No, it was like showcases. Did you go with

01:33:04.319 --> 01:33:07.199
Turner? Turner and Andy Curtain? Andy was there.

01:33:07.199 --> 01:33:08.880
Andy. He put the whole thing on. He's head of

01:33:08.880 --> 01:33:11.119
Live Nation Asia now. Is that right? Good for

01:33:11.119 --> 01:33:13.600
him. So how does it work? You say showcases.

01:33:13.939 --> 01:33:16.140
There's a club in Shanghai. So you just do the

01:33:16.140 --> 01:33:18.520
club every night. Oh, it's gone? They shut it

01:33:18.520 --> 01:33:20.140
down. Ah, shit. That was a good room. Why'd they

01:33:20.140 --> 01:33:21.489
shut it down? They're like, thank you. We learned

01:33:21.489 --> 01:33:23.909
about your fucking income -making possibilities.

01:33:24.390 --> 01:33:26.989
You're good to go. What do you mean? They let

01:33:26.989 --> 01:33:29.529
Americans and Westerners come in to teach them

01:33:29.529 --> 01:33:31.430
how to make money, and then eventually they're

01:33:31.430 --> 01:33:33.729
like, we're pretty much closing our borders.

01:33:33.810 --> 01:33:35.449
Thank you. We got enough we can get from you.

01:33:35.470 --> 01:33:37.829
You're out. So they let them in so that they

01:33:37.829 --> 01:33:40.229
figure out how to make money off stand -up? Off

01:33:40.229 --> 01:33:41.989
all these sorts of things. And then we learned

01:33:41.989 --> 01:33:43.750
enough, and it's like, hey, this free speech,

01:33:43.989 --> 01:33:45.930
get out. They were very strict. I don't know

01:33:45.930 --> 01:33:47.449
if they were with you. Like, do not make fun

01:33:47.449 --> 01:33:49.579
of the Chinese government. We know you think

01:33:49.579 --> 01:33:51.680
it'll be funny. It won't be. Not here. Don't

01:33:51.680 --> 01:33:53.979
do it. But I had no jokes on that anyway. So

01:33:53.979 --> 01:33:55.460
I was just like, whatever. I don't know anything

01:33:55.460 --> 01:33:57.180
about your government. I wasn't even planning

01:33:57.180 --> 01:33:59.979
on it. But one of them was a bar show. One was

01:33:59.979 --> 01:34:01.979
in a bookstore. But they were all great. Beijing

01:34:01.979 --> 01:34:03.619
was a bookstore. Yes. That's where I met Des.

01:34:03.800 --> 01:34:05.739
That was the best show of the trip. It was great.

01:34:06.260 --> 01:34:08.659
Yeah. And they gave us duck after. It was awesome.

01:34:08.779 --> 01:34:11.020
And you say you're doing it as a showcase. So

01:34:11.020 --> 01:34:12.539
how many comics were on the show with you? It

01:34:12.539 --> 01:34:14.750
was like... Three, four comics than me, and I'd

01:34:14.750 --> 01:34:17.069
probably do like 20 or 30. A lot of locals. That's

01:34:17.069 --> 01:34:18.069
how they got the comedy scene. There's like,

01:34:18.130 --> 01:34:20.050
hey, is an out -of -towner here? Come in. And

01:34:20.050 --> 01:34:21.090
they're like, by the way, guys, we have an open

01:34:21.090 --> 01:34:22.550
mic every week if you want to come back. And

01:34:22.550 --> 01:34:23.810
people are like, all right. All these expats.

01:34:23.829 --> 01:34:25.510
I'm like, I'll come back. I did so much blow

01:34:25.510 --> 01:34:28.289
in Beijing. Really? What? Oh, my God. Did you?

01:34:28.609 --> 01:34:31.369
Oh, yeah. That's a risky move. Nah, they don't

01:34:31.369 --> 01:34:33.130
give a shit. Any drug that white people do, they're

01:34:33.130 --> 01:34:34.689
like, we don't care. Opium, they'll kill you.

01:34:35.130 --> 01:34:36.789
What? Coke, they're like, fucking kill yourselves.

01:34:36.970 --> 01:34:38.529
We don't care. They don't care if you do coke?

01:34:38.689 --> 01:34:40.390
They don't care about weed. They don't know what

01:34:40.390 --> 01:34:43.050
the smell is. Coke, it's a white drug. It's not

01:34:43.050 --> 01:34:45.350
a yellow drug, so they just don't care. What?

01:34:45.489 --> 01:34:48.590
Yeah. Really? So they have no regulations on

01:34:48.590 --> 01:34:50.729
Coke? You can't import it. There was a Bayesian

01:34:50.729 --> 01:34:52.229
comic who got caught with Coke. They stamped

01:34:52.229 --> 01:34:54.510
her passport, never allowed to return, sent her

01:34:54.510 --> 01:34:56.909
on her way. Damn. She steamed it out and went

01:34:56.909 --> 01:35:01.210
back. Oh, what a badass. Wow. Who is that? Gangster.

01:35:01.210 --> 01:35:05.130
Miss Pat? Good for her. So were any of the guys

01:35:05.130 --> 01:35:08.390
that you were working with funny? No. They're

01:35:08.390 --> 01:35:10.029
brand new. Yeah, they were new. They were young.

01:35:10.050 --> 01:35:11.409
Very supportive. It was like a belly room. It

01:35:11.409 --> 01:35:13.770
was very supportive. And I think comedy stand

01:35:13.770 --> 01:35:15.270
-up is kind of new there. Yeah, stand -up's new.

01:35:15.550 --> 01:35:17.949
Yeah, so you could go in there and you were a

01:35:17.949 --> 01:35:19.909
god. You're murdering. You had set up punch,

01:35:20.029 --> 01:35:23.130
set up punch. And they were just like, oh, this

01:35:23.130 --> 01:35:25.350
is weird. You know, it was a lot of that stuff.

01:35:25.470 --> 01:35:26.949
You were like a black dude playing rock and roll.

01:35:27.189 --> 01:35:31.069
Yes, exactly. Was it a lot of Americans? There

01:35:31.069 --> 01:35:33.470
was some Australian, some European, a couple

01:35:33.470 --> 01:35:36.609
American, and some Chinese. So was it a lot of

01:35:36.609 --> 01:35:38.550
people that are there for jobs or something like

01:35:38.550 --> 01:35:39.770
that? Yeah, five -year, three -year contracts

01:35:39.770 --> 01:35:42.510
for banks or schools or whatever. I noticed a

01:35:42.510 --> 01:35:44.449
lot of ugly white guys moved to China to get

01:35:44.449 --> 01:35:47.100
laid. Oh, yeah. Because you stand out. You're

01:35:47.100 --> 01:35:48.739
like a black guy. Your dick's bigger. You're

01:35:48.739 --> 01:35:51.340
cooler. You're more athletic. There was a guy

01:35:51.340 --> 01:35:54.699
who, a comic there who pickpocketed somebody

01:35:54.699 --> 01:35:58.199
and a black guy. And they were like, they just

01:35:58.199 --> 01:36:00.539
made a lineup of like the eight black people

01:36:00.539 --> 01:36:02.960
in Beijing. And the lady's like, yeah, it's that

01:36:02.960 --> 01:36:07.060
one. He just got out of jail. Just got out of

01:36:07.060 --> 01:36:09.340
jail and he's a comic? Yeah. And he went to China

01:36:09.340 --> 01:36:12.100
to rob people? I don't know if that's why he

01:36:12.100 --> 01:36:14.119
was there. Can you imagine getting arrested for

01:36:14.119 --> 01:36:16.949
robbery in China? That's terrifying. Did they

01:36:16.949 --> 01:36:18.829
lock him up? They locked him up. They said he

01:36:18.829 --> 01:36:21.930
came out changed. Oh. Yeah, that was changing.

01:36:22.130 --> 01:36:24.489
Yeah, they probably stripped layers out of his

01:36:24.489 --> 01:36:28.649
asshole. Yikes. The inside of it is very different.

01:36:28.909 --> 01:36:32.229
My body is telling me yes. Imagine what they

01:36:32.229 --> 01:36:35.329
did to him in jail, man. In jail. That's what

01:36:35.329 --> 01:36:36.890
I forgot about that chick with her fucking dad.

01:36:37.090 --> 01:36:39.130
I didn't forget. You told me that story. I was

01:36:39.130 --> 01:36:42.149
terrified. Yeah, it's a real fucked up thing.

01:36:42.250 --> 01:36:43.930
It's just adventure out there. It's a fun trip.

01:36:43.970 --> 01:36:45.829
It's a fun trip. Callan told me he went to a

01:36:45.829 --> 01:36:47.449
restaurant and there was a hole in the floor

01:36:47.449 --> 01:36:49.329
where you go to take a shit. That's true. And

01:36:49.329 --> 01:36:51.770
underneath it was pigs. Whoa. Eating the shit.

01:36:52.010 --> 01:36:54.529
That I didn't see. There was a restaurant where

01:36:54.529 --> 01:36:57.510
pigs were under the shit. They were eating human

01:36:57.510 --> 01:36:59.210
shit. And then you go, yeah, and then you order

01:36:59.210 --> 01:37:01.550
a fucking. And then you eat the pig that ate

01:37:01.550 --> 01:37:05.090
the shit. Yikes. Full circle. Yeah, I can't believe

01:37:05.090 --> 01:37:07.069
COVID came out of there. There's the other thing

01:37:07.069 --> 01:37:08.630
that Ari told me about that I couldn't believe

01:37:08.630 --> 01:37:12.649
was true, but was sewer oil. They would make

01:37:12.649 --> 01:37:15.350
cooking oil out of sewage. They would boil raw

01:37:15.350 --> 01:37:17.890
sewage down and find the oil and strip it out

01:37:17.890 --> 01:37:20.670
and then resell it to these restaurants. They'd

01:37:20.670 --> 01:37:22.369
render it down and then they'd make it. I'm never

01:37:22.369 --> 01:37:23.909
going there. They said something like two -thirds

01:37:23.909 --> 01:37:26.329
of the street noodles are made with sewage oil.

01:37:26.710 --> 01:37:28.369
It was crazy. I remember walking down an alley

01:37:28.369 --> 01:37:30.810
and there was a guy doing dental work in a chair.

01:37:30.989 --> 01:37:33.220
I was like. Wow, what's that? That's a dentist's

01:37:33.220 --> 01:37:34.939
office. And then next to it was a guy getting

01:37:34.939 --> 01:37:36.659
his hair cut on the street. I was like, this

01:37:36.659 --> 01:37:39.279
is China. It's wild. I don't know if you guys

01:37:39.279 --> 01:37:42.579
get it. Yeah. You got to have walls around these

01:37:42.579 --> 01:37:44.920
things. Yeah, maybe some Purell, a glove. In

01:37:44.920 --> 01:37:47.100
a lot of ways, it's way more free. You can buy

01:37:47.100 --> 01:37:49.640
a beer at 3 a .m. and just drink it in the street,

01:37:49.779 --> 01:37:53.279
but you can't get on Google. Interesting. Yeah.

01:37:53.779 --> 01:37:55.479
Yeah, you can't watch videos at Tiananmen Square.

01:37:56.000 --> 01:37:59.340
There's no sign even there. Really? You're like,

01:37:59.380 --> 01:38:01.480
where was it? You just walk through it. Yeah.

01:38:01.480 --> 01:38:03.739
There's no notification of a historical significance.

01:38:03.739 --> 01:38:05.720
Because of what happened. Yeah. That's how they

01:38:05.720 --> 01:38:07.659
roll. You can only do TikTok for three hours

01:38:07.659 --> 01:38:09.680
there. They have all these weird rules. This

01:38:09.680 --> 01:38:11.319
is the dentist on the street. There it is. There's

01:38:11.319 --> 01:38:13.960
Mark in the back. Yeah. Hey. That guy opened

01:38:13.960 --> 01:38:17.840
for me. Dentist. Keep your tooth. Teeth. See,

01:38:17.880 --> 01:38:19.819
look at that. That guy's just done. He's good

01:38:19.819 --> 01:38:22.880
to go. That guy got a good mustache. No lollipop.

01:38:24.750 --> 01:38:27.430
Yeah, this doesn't look great. But it's cool

01:38:27.430 --> 01:38:29.010
to see. It is cool to see. And then you're just

01:38:29.010 --> 01:38:30.590
building material. I'm walking through. I'm writing

01:38:30.590 --> 01:38:32.630
an hour of jokes here. It's so foreign. A billion

01:38:32.630 --> 01:38:37.409
people. Damn. So did you eat any of that food

01:38:37.409 --> 01:38:39.130
that was made with sewage oil? I think I did.

01:38:39.350 --> 01:38:41.489
He must have. I probably did. The food wasn't

01:38:41.489 --> 01:38:43.329
great because, you know, Chinese food in America

01:38:43.329 --> 01:38:46.069
is all sweetened up and salted up. Out there,

01:38:46.069 --> 01:38:48.229
it's a little bland. Really? Yeah, it wasn't

01:38:48.229 --> 01:38:48.729
as good. They don't take the bones out, too.

01:38:48.810 --> 01:38:50.510
They just cleaver the whole thing into bite -sized

01:38:50.510 --> 01:38:52.520
pieces, but bones are in the middle of it. So

01:38:52.520 --> 01:38:54.359
they'll make you take your own bones out. Yeah,

01:38:54.380 --> 01:38:57.239
and you're like, what the fuck? Wow. Yeah. Good

01:38:57.239 --> 01:38:59.840
times. It was a really cool, interesting experience.

01:38:59.960 --> 01:39:02.420
That really got me going on, like, travel. That's

01:39:02.420 --> 01:39:05.079
the most foreign place. It's weird watching how

01:39:05.079 --> 01:39:08.119
they navigate through groups of people, how they

01:39:08.119 --> 01:39:10.000
just kind of bump into each other. Yeah. That's

01:39:10.000 --> 01:39:12.220
personal space. There's no bubble in China. No.

01:39:12.460 --> 01:39:14.640
Even the subway, they just push you in, and they're

01:39:14.640 --> 01:39:17.319
just like, ugh, in the subway. It's crazy. When

01:39:17.319 --> 01:39:20.220
I was on a plane, we were going from Taiwan to,

01:39:20.319 --> 01:39:21.960
I forget, I think we were on the way to Thailand.

01:39:22.439 --> 01:39:23.859
You went to Taiwan? Yeah, and there was a lot

01:39:23.859 --> 01:39:27.560
of Chinese people on the plane. My daughter was

01:39:27.560 --> 01:39:29.899
waiting in line for the bathroom and this Chinese

01:39:29.899 --> 01:39:32.539
lady walks past her like she wasn't even a thing

01:39:32.539 --> 01:39:35.500
Like bumped her like she was a curtain damn my

01:39:35.500 --> 01:39:37.220
wife got all pissed off and I go she's not being

01:39:37.220 --> 01:39:41.060
rude It's crazy. There's no there's no expectation

01:39:41.060 --> 01:39:43.239
of personal space. It's just my daughter was

01:39:43.239 --> 01:39:45.720
like, you know fucking nine. She was like Yeah

01:39:48.279 --> 01:39:49.939
And it was like one of those things like this

01:39:49.939 --> 01:39:52.520
is just how they do it. Be cool. Be cool. Don't

01:39:52.520 --> 01:39:55.460
freak out. She's not even being rude. She's bumping

01:39:55.460 --> 01:39:56.819
into you because they bump into – she would bump

01:39:56.819 --> 01:39:58.319
into me that way too. She'd bump into anybody.

01:39:58.319 --> 01:40:00.500
On the plane from China or in China, there's

01:40:00.500 --> 01:40:02.880
always like somebody with their carry -on with

01:40:02.880 --> 01:40:06.060
just a box of a turkey, like a dead turkey. It's

01:40:06.060 --> 01:40:07.640
always like leaking and shit into the fucking

01:40:07.640 --> 01:40:09.939
cardboard box. Wow. Duct taped and shit. You

01:40:09.939 --> 01:40:12.060
can get one where you're going. I flew coach

01:40:12.060 --> 01:40:13.699
to China. It was the hardest thing I've ever

01:40:13.699 --> 01:40:16.079
done. It was like my Vietnam. It was brutal.

01:40:16.319 --> 01:40:20.380
Edibles. 21? It was a long flight. Coach. I did

01:40:20.380 --> 01:40:21.699
coach too. It was a nightmare. It was the same

01:40:21.699 --> 01:40:24.319
size coach seats as America. Same shit. And the

01:40:24.319 --> 01:40:27.800
TV was in Chinese. I was like, fuck. So I couldn't

01:40:27.800 --> 01:40:30.180
even watch TV really. And I remember a guy's

01:40:30.180 --> 01:40:32.659
foot came between the seats. That's just how

01:40:32.659 --> 01:40:34.359
they do it there. Yeah, you can't tell them no.

01:40:34.600 --> 01:40:37.020
Yeah. The cool thing, I had heavy edibles the

01:40:37.020 --> 01:40:39.279
whole way. But then when you landed, you have

01:40:39.279 --> 01:40:40.939
to go to the bathroom and dump whatever. What

01:40:40.939 --> 01:40:43.079
if you get arrested? On the plane in America.

01:40:43.630 --> 01:40:45.609
You dump them in the airport, in the airplane

01:40:45.609 --> 01:40:47.329
before you go in. And then you're just high when

01:40:47.329 --> 01:40:48.970
you go in. I took everything I had left, took

01:40:48.970 --> 01:40:50.529
those, and then got off the plane. But that's

01:40:50.529 --> 01:40:52.090
it. When you land in China, you're like, oh,

01:40:52.130 --> 01:40:54.590
I'm fucked. It's all, you know, character, Chinese

01:40:54.590 --> 01:40:57.689
characters. It's tough. Isn't there an app where

01:40:57.689 --> 01:40:59.510
you can hold your phone up and it'll translate?

01:40:59.630 --> 01:41:01.029
Yep. Probably now. I didn't have that. Yeah,

01:41:01.029 --> 01:41:03.569
there is. I just had to wing it. It's hard. You

01:41:03.569 --> 01:41:05.350
just point. You're like, I learned the word for

01:41:05.350 --> 01:41:08.010
beef, and I was like, I think, I think ryu or

01:41:08.010 --> 01:41:09.770
something like that. I was like, ryu? And they're

01:41:09.770 --> 01:41:11.310
like, they just pointed to a sign like, there's

01:41:11.310 --> 01:41:13.270
10 different beef. What do you want? I'm like,

01:41:13.329 --> 01:41:16.409
I don't know. Three? You just got to go with

01:41:16.409 --> 01:41:19.470
it. Wow. Whatever it is, it is. Did you try to

01:41:19.470 --> 01:41:21.810
learn any of the language? A little bit. I always

01:41:21.810 --> 01:41:23.449
try to learn please, thank you, one through ten,

01:41:23.649 --> 01:41:27.949
bathroom. What's ni hao? Ni hao? Is that bye?

01:41:28.270 --> 01:41:31.550
Hello? Is that Chinese? Yeah, Kailan. Ni hao,

01:41:31.550 --> 01:41:34.229
Kailan. You ever see that show? Uh -uh. It's

01:41:34.229 --> 01:41:38.350
a kid's show. Ni hao. It was like a Chinese cartoon.

01:41:38.710 --> 01:41:41.229
Oh. You ever see it? No, I don't have kids. Kailan.

01:41:42.279 --> 01:41:46.680
Find him. Find him. Ni hao. Ni hao. Yeah, it's

01:41:46.680 --> 01:41:49.920
a show where it's like this lady and... Drink,

01:41:50.000 --> 01:41:51.779
dude. You guys are all sober as a bird. I finished

01:41:51.779 --> 01:41:53.779
all that whiskey. Here it is. That's nothing.

01:41:54.119 --> 01:41:58.920
That was a fucking cup of whiskey. Ni hao. So

01:41:58.920 --> 01:42:01.800
she has a pet panda bear. She's cute. She's got

01:42:01.800 --> 01:42:06.000
a pet... Tiger. Tiger and that little monkey.

01:42:06.079 --> 01:42:09.399
What does ni hao mean, J -Mo? Okay, I think it

01:42:09.399 --> 01:42:11.449
does, too. Does it mean hello? Yep. But I'll

01:42:11.449 --> 01:42:12.909
tell you, you realize how much you rely on that

01:42:12.909 --> 01:42:15.569
phone, that GPS, that Uber. The GPS, you can

01:42:15.569 --> 01:42:17.850
get any public transportation. You can get on

01:42:17.850 --> 01:42:19.890
there in China. I know, but it's still like,

01:42:20.130 --> 01:42:22.109
you know, you look up, you're like, I don't know

01:42:22.109 --> 01:42:23.949
what the hell these numbers mean or what that

01:42:23.949 --> 01:42:25.510
means. And you've got to really, like, use your

01:42:25.510 --> 01:42:27.329
brain again. It's fun just getting lost there,

01:42:27.369 --> 01:42:31.489
though. I love getting lost. I love to just travel

01:42:31.489 --> 01:42:35.630
and live and laugh. Shut up. And love. Wake up

01:42:35.630 --> 01:42:40.069
without a kidney. Yeah. Tub of ice. I was watching

01:42:40.069 --> 01:42:41.710
this documentary where they were talking about

01:42:41.710 --> 01:42:46.590
what they do to harvest organs from prisoners.

01:42:47.529 --> 01:42:49.630
What's going on? Lighter? You need a lighter

01:42:49.630 --> 01:42:54.890
for you? Yeah. They suspect that they harvest

01:42:54.890 --> 01:42:58.909
the organs from prisoners and from people who

01:42:58.909 --> 01:43:01.949
fucked up. So if you get an organ, you get a

01:43:01.949 --> 01:43:05.430
kidney. It's probably from some child molester

01:43:05.430 --> 01:43:07.760
or something. Murderer. Or some guy who fucked

01:43:07.760 --> 01:43:11.159
up. China forcefully harvests organs from detainees.

01:43:12.340 --> 01:43:14.979
Tribunal concludes. Look at this. China's organ

01:43:14.979 --> 01:43:17.720
transplant trade is worth $1 billion a year,

01:43:17.859 --> 01:43:21.619
and they forcefully harvest the organs from prisoners.

01:43:21.840 --> 01:43:25.920
That is wild. Yikes. Can you imagine? You go

01:43:25.920 --> 01:43:27.460
to jail for shoplifting. They're like, well,

01:43:27.539 --> 01:43:30.739
we get your finger. They take your kidney. Yeah.

01:43:30.779 --> 01:43:33.100
They take a chunk out of your liver. Well, the

01:43:33.100 --> 01:43:36.529
liver is very resilient. Allegedly. And then

01:43:36.529 --> 01:43:39.609
the kidney, you've got two of those, right? Burt

01:43:39.609 --> 01:43:41.689
Kreischer's alive. That's true. Yeah, none of

01:43:41.689 --> 01:43:45.130
it makes sense. Norm is dead. Burt's alive. Artie

01:43:45.130 --> 01:43:47.069
Lange's alive. Artie Lange's alive with no nose.

01:43:47.189 --> 01:43:49.329
Stan Hope. That's not a good symbol there. The

01:43:49.329 --> 01:43:52.060
fake swastikas, the reverse swastikas. Falun

01:43:52.060 --> 01:43:55.020
Gong, which means the wheel practice in Chinese,

01:43:55.060 --> 01:43:58.619
a set of meditation exercises and texts that

01:43:58.619 --> 01:44:01.460
preach the virtues of truth, benevolence, and

01:44:01.460 --> 01:44:04.560
forbearance. So those people, so that's, it's

01:44:04.560 --> 01:44:08.060
like a religious sect. And those people, they

01:44:08.060 --> 01:44:10.359
were, oh, the Chinese government banned Falun

01:44:10.359 --> 01:44:12.460
Gong. Oh, they're in Deer Park, New York. We

01:44:12.460 --> 01:44:14.680
got to go over there. And so those people, they

01:44:14.680 --> 01:44:17.720
were harvesting their organs. Whoops. That's

01:44:17.720 --> 01:44:21.850
wild. Yeah, all that, what's that? thing where

01:44:21.850 --> 01:44:24.189
they show the bodies and set out bodies yeah

01:44:24.189 --> 01:44:27.550
oh yeah nobody gave permission for you guys to

01:44:27.550 --> 01:44:29.850
use this for a traveling not just that like they

01:44:29.850 --> 01:44:33.289
even say like that those bodies they like when

01:44:33.289 --> 01:44:36.250
google like where do the bodies come from we've

01:44:36.250 --> 01:44:39.250
done this before they're all of them like unclaimed

01:44:39.250 --> 01:44:44.800
chinese bodies What do you want? What? Ash. It's

01:44:44.800 --> 01:44:46.479
good. I forget how good this is. It's a great

01:44:46.479 --> 01:44:50.119
beer. Get the Texas logo right on there. Everything's

01:44:50.119 --> 01:44:53.220
Texas. That's fun. Texas supports Texas. Texas

01:44:53.220 --> 01:44:56.239
fucking loves Texas. Don't bring your California

01:44:56.239 --> 01:44:58.640
into my Texas. I love it here. Second best flag

01:44:58.640 --> 01:45:00.579
in the union. I mean, I get it. If I was from

01:45:00.579 --> 01:45:03.960
Texas, I mean, Texas is what America is to the

01:45:03.960 --> 01:45:06.359
rest of the world. Yeah. Yeah, we're the fucking

01:45:06.359 --> 01:45:09.199
best. And everybody else is like. Yeah, you guys

01:45:09.199 --> 01:45:11.619
are cool. Fuck you guys. Shut up about it. But

01:45:11.619 --> 01:45:13.479
they all wind up moving here when shit goes sideways.

01:45:13.720 --> 01:45:15.699
And you got all these great festivals here. They

01:45:15.699 --> 01:45:17.180
all come in for that. A lot of festivals. A lot

01:45:17.180 --> 01:45:19.100
of comedy here, man. A lot of comedy. There's

01:45:19.100 --> 01:45:21.779
so many comedy clubs now. The scene here is hot.

01:45:22.140 --> 01:45:24.579
I keep hearing about sunset strip comedy club.

01:45:25.020 --> 01:45:26.520
What the hell is that? There's the Romo Room.

01:45:26.779 --> 01:45:28.319
There's the Creek in the Cave. Have you done

01:45:28.319 --> 01:45:31.000
all these yet? No. No, I've done the Creek in

01:45:31.000 --> 01:45:34.100
the Cave. I've done Vulcan and Stubbs. I did

01:45:34.100 --> 01:45:35.960
Stubbs a bunch of times with Chappelle. It'd

01:45:35.960 --> 01:45:38.750
only be stupid to open another one. Yeah, only

01:45:38.750 --> 01:45:40.430
a moron would do that. What's the date? You got

01:45:40.430 --> 01:45:42.369
a date yet? Sometime this summer. We're in construction

01:45:42.369 --> 01:45:44.590
right now. Hey, hey. I'll show you afterwards.

01:45:44.649 --> 01:45:47.270
It's a badass room. No, we all went. Oh, you

01:45:47.270 --> 01:45:49.310
were there? Yeah. Sorry. It's going to be awesome.

01:45:49.310 --> 01:45:51.109
Without that suit, I forgot. We should see it

01:45:51.109 --> 01:45:53.229
now because it's demoed. All the seats are gone.

01:45:53.369 --> 01:45:57.229
Oh, shit. We've got all the walls are prepped.

01:45:57.649 --> 01:45:59.710
It's pretty exciting. Ice left or is that water?

01:45:59.789 --> 01:46:01.970
What do you got there? That's water. Just take

01:46:01.970 --> 01:46:04.270
a shot, dude. I like to milk shit. Just take

01:46:04.270 --> 01:46:06.920
a shot. Don't be scared. You need ice cubes?

01:46:07.159 --> 01:46:08.699
Just dig in with your hands. We don't care. Oh,

01:46:08.699 --> 01:46:10.260
here, here, here. Oh, yeah, there's a ton of

01:46:10.260 --> 01:46:15.039
those. What do you got? Hit me, baby. There you

01:46:15.039 --> 01:46:17.960
go. Thank you. All right. Good sound. All right.

01:46:17.960 --> 01:46:20.659
That is a nice sound. Ooh, what is that, ADR?

01:46:20.720 --> 01:46:22.079
Is that what that is, where they add sound in

01:46:22.079 --> 01:46:25.539
later? We could do these live. What? Protect

01:46:25.539 --> 01:46:28.500
our parks. Yeah. You don't do live anymore? No.

01:46:28.619 --> 01:46:30.199
Oh, you mean in front of a crowd? In front of

01:46:30.199 --> 01:46:32.119
a crowd. Oh, that would be fun. That would be

01:46:32.119 --> 01:46:34.800
fun. We need a better name. We got to solidify

01:46:34.800 --> 01:46:36.779
our name. I like Bushmeat Boys. Protect Our Parks

01:46:36.779 --> 01:46:39.220
is perfect. It's terrible. Our boys. P -O -P.

01:46:39.739 --> 01:46:41.199
Protect Our Parks is perfect. Protect Our Parks

01:46:41.199 --> 01:46:43.260
is good. Because it's terrible. Bushmeat Boys.

01:46:43.960 --> 01:46:45.180
That's what people have been saying. Bushmeat

01:46:45.180 --> 01:46:47.319
Boys. Who's the people? The people you talk to?

01:46:47.520 --> 01:46:50.460
You know. My text message thread says Protect

01:46:50.460 --> 01:46:54.180
Our Parks. Yeah, mine too. Ari, it's time for

01:46:54.180 --> 01:46:56.000
us to start protecting parks. Well, we got to

01:46:56.000 --> 01:46:58.239
find a new park to protect. We should have another

01:46:58.239 --> 01:47:01.479
wasted opportunity every week. How much work

01:47:01.479 --> 01:47:03.359
did you put in to try to save that park? I went

01:47:03.359 --> 01:47:06.039
on a couple marches. Did you really? No. You

01:47:06.039 --> 01:47:09.180
went on marches? Yeah. To protect a park. Marches

01:47:09.180 --> 01:47:11.199
don't really work, right? They don't. Went to

01:47:11.199 --> 01:47:14.079
Carolyn Rivera's house and fucking put some fucking

01:47:14.079 --> 01:47:17.100
garbage in her stoop. What? Carolina Rivera.

01:47:17.260 --> 01:47:19.579
Yeah, congressman. She's on the take. You did

01:47:19.579 --> 01:47:22.479
that to a woman of color? Yeah. Uh -oh. A lot

01:47:22.479 --> 01:47:24.409
of them are on the take. You threw trash on a

01:47:24.409 --> 01:47:26.210
woman of color. How many Congress people do you

01:47:26.210 --> 01:47:29.729
think are legit not on a take? A small percentage.

01:47:30.310 --> 01:47:32.890
Really? I talked to a UFC fighter once a long

01:47:32.890 --> 01:47:35.050
time ago. So, grain of salt. I'm not going to

01:47:35.050 --> 01:47:35.970
say the name, so it's grain of salt. Was it right

01:47:35.970 --> 01:47:37.649
after a fight when he was just making stuff up?

01:47:37.710 --> 01:47:41.109
Yeah, he's a credible source. He goes, how many

01:47:41.109 --> 01:47:42.949
UFC fighters are on steroids? And he was like,

01:47:43.010 --> 01:47:45.609
fuck, all of them. I mean, so few or not. It's

01:47:45.609 --> 01:47:47.350
just different levels of whatever steroids. That

01:47:47.350 --> 01:47:48.470
was back in the day. Yeah, back in the day. Before

01:47:48.470 --> 01:47:52.039
USADA. That's true. That was true. For a while,

01:47:52.079 --> 01:47:53.460
there was a lot of them that are on PDs. It's

01:47:53.460 --> 01:47:55.619
either some or too much, but they're all on something.

01:47:55.779 --> 01:47:58.100
Something. At the time, a lot of them were. There

01:47:58.100 --> 01:48:00.539
was guys like BJ Penn that were straight, natural.

01:48:00.760 --> 01:48:04.279
Yeah, Clay Guida. I would, dude. You know how

01:48:04.279 --> 01:48:06.539
nervous you'd be before a fight? And someone's

01:48:06.539 --> 01:48:07.720
like, hey, this will help you. And you've got

01:48:07.720 --> 01:48:09.819
to keep up with the competition. That was the

01:48:09.819 --> 01:48:12.939
problem. It's like the Tour de France. When everyone

01:48:12.939 --> 01:48:15.079
is doing steroids, you do steroids. You can't

01:48:15.079 --> 01:48:18.260
not do it. BJ Penn, the Hawaiian dudes are fucking

01:48:18.260 --> 01:48:20.600
tough. Oh, yeah, man. They scrap over there,

01:48:20.640 --> 01:48:21.920
and there's nowhere to go. You're on an island.

01:48:22.159 --> 01:48:23.960
Scrap. That's what they call it. There's nowhere

01:48:23.960 --> 01:48:26.100
to go. Were you at that Maui Fest? Yeah. Yeah,

01:48:26.199 --> 01:48:28.760
that Maui Fest. I saw a fist fight, and it was

01:48:28.760 --> 01:48:31.180
like a white American guy and a Hawaiian guy,

01:48:31.340 --> 01:48:33.199
like a local Hawaiian guy. It was the toughest

01:48:33.199 --> 01:48:34.920
fight I've ever seen. What a mistake. Unreal.

01:48:35.060 --> 01:48:36.960
But the white guy was hanging in there. I think

01:48:36.960 --> 01:48:40.180
he knew some moves. Yeah, some MMA shit. But

01:48:40.180 --> 01:48:42.279
that Hawaiian guy was just like a local dude.

01:48:42.920 --> 01:48:45.760
And he would not go down. The guy was just wailing

01:48:45.760 --> 01:48:47.619
on him, and he wouldn't stop. And the cops had

01:48:47.619 --> 01:48:49.260
to come. He's like, my dad beat me worse than

01:48:49.260 --> 01:48:52.979
this. Yeah, exactly. It was wild. When you live

01:48:52.979 --> 01:48:55.000
on an island and you talk shit, you can't go

01:48:55.000 --> 01:48:56.560
anywhere. You can't leave. You can't get out.

01:48:56.699 --> 01:48:58.479
You gotta hang out. Unless you got on a fucking

01:48:58.479 --> 01:49:02.279
plane and fly five hours across the ocean. It's

01:49:02.279 --> 01:49:04.060
a long flight to get out of there. Remember that

01:49:04.060 --> 01:49:06.300
big rock we would climb and jump off? It was

01:49:06.300 --> 01:49:08.399
super high, and it was scary as shit. And it

01:49:08.399 --> 01:49:10.560
took me all day to work it up. Oh, God. You jumped?

01:49:10.680 --> 01:49:12.180
You did a jump? I eventually jumped, but then

01:49:12.180 --> 01:49:14.479
these local guys would do, like, eight triple

01:49:14.479 --> 01:49:16.239
Lindys off, and I was like, ah, shit. And the

01:49:16.239 --> 01:49:19.000
guy was, like, four years old. It was brutal.

01:49:19.140 --> 01:49:20.020
I would just snorkel and watch them under the

01:49:20.020 --> 01:49:21.439
water and, like, come down through the water.

01:49:21.439 --> 01:49:22.260
It was so cool. Yeah, they, like, pick up fish

01:49:22.260 --> 01:49:23.680
with their hand. They were tough as shit. Dude,

01:49:23.680 --> 01:49:26.039
that's how I felt when we were skiing. I'd be

01:49:26.039 --> 01:49:27.789
up there. You were killing it, dude. You were

01:49:27.789 --> 01:49:30.670
nervous. And then I'd go out and see a group

01:49:30.670 --> 01:49:33.609
of four -year -olds. You were new. With no poles,

01:49:33.729 --> 01:49:37.630
just like Christmas stories. Yeah, and then there'd

01:49:37.630 --> 01:49:40.430
be an instructor with the hills I was on, there

01:49:40.430 --> 01:49:45.189
were always kids in classes. Yeah. And I'd be

01:49:45.189 --> 01:49:47.970
like, oh, fuck, fuck, like trying so hard. Oh,

01:49:47.970 --> 01:49:51.270
yeah. And then I'd be like, I'd fall and lay

01:49:51.270 --> 01:49:53.369
there, and then a group of like six, eight -year

01:49:53.369 --> 01:49:55.170
-olds would go by. Right. I was trying to take

01:49:55.170 --> 01:49:57.010
a video of Shane. He's like, no. Yeah, definitely

01:49:57.010 --> 01:49:59.029
don't. Definitely don't. This needs to go nowhere.

01:49:59.489 --> 01:50:01.529
I'm like, all right. Some tall, standing straight

01:50:01.529 --> 01:50:03.810
up. Ari, you've broken a couple things and you

01:50:03.810 --> 01:50:06.850
still ski. Oh, yeah. Wrist? Yeah. He's crazy.

01:50:06.930 --> 01:50:08.649
I shattered my wrist last time I was there with

01:50:08.649 --> 01:50:09.789
you two times ago. You're not trying to raise

01:50:09.789 --> 01:50:11.609
Bert. No, I'm not trying to raise Bert, but I

01:50:11.609 --> 01:50:13.210
will go for it. He's not that good, but he'll

01:50:13.210 --> 01:50:14.529
be like, yeah, let's do a black diamond in the

01:50:14.529 --> 01:50:16.890
Rockies. Yeah. I'll try jumps. I don't know how

01:50:16.890 --> 01:50:19.529
to do it. And he skis in that suit. Pretty much.

01:50:19.729 --> 01:50:21.890
So you just don't worry about getting hurt? You

01:50:21.890 --> 01:50:23.979
can't, man. You got to have some fun. You can't

01:50:23.979 --> 01:50:25.659
be living like that. Well, that's how I lived,

01:50:25.659 --> 01:50:27.899
and I had a good time, dude. I didn't break anything

01:50:27.899 --> 01:50:30.680
this time. Do a couple little bunny hills, then

01:50:30.680 --> 01:50:32.279
go get fucked up at the lodge. It was great.

01:50:32.300 --> 01:50:34.199
Yeah, that sounds better. It was great. When

01:50:34.199 --> 01:50:35.619
I shattered my wrist when I was there with Norman,

01:50:35.680 --> 01:50:37.199
me and Brian O 'Neal were like, let's see who

01:50:37.199 --> 01:50:39.180
can get the higher speed, and I was just straight

01:50:39.180 --> 01:50:41.020
lining, out of control. Yo, how fast are you

01:50:41.020 --> 01:50:43.260
guys going? This is preposterous. The surgeon

01:50:43.260 --> 01:50:46.350
told me I had to be going at least 80. Wow! The

01:50:46.350 --> 01:50:49.989
surgeon? Yeah, reconstructed my wrist. Wait,

01:50:50.090 --> 01:50:51.609
you couldn't have been going 80 miles an hour,

01:50:51.630 --> 01:50:53.010
right? Yeah, that's pretty fast, man. Dude, I

01:50:53.010 --> 01:50:56.310
was killing it. It was bombing. Dude, when I

01:50:56.310 --> 01:50:58.789
hit that snowboarder, I flew so far before I

01:50:58.789 --> 01:51:00.729
hit the ground. I don't know if I believe 80

01:51:00.729 --> 01:51:03.170
is possible on skis. Let's guess. I bet it is.

01:51:03.229 --> 01:51:06.310
It was probably like 40. No, no, no. A speed

01:51:06.310 --> 01:51:09.649
skier? But we were going straight downhill as

01:51:09.649 --> 01:51:10.609
hard as I could. Yeah, if you're going straight

01:51:10.609 --> 01:51:13.890
on a... What's the fastest speed anybody's ever

01:51:13.890 --> 01:51:16.609
achieved on skis? Let's guess that. 130. Really?

01:51:16.869 --> 01:51:19.649
I'm guessing. Sonny Bono. I don't know. True.

01:51:19.909 --> 01:51:21.890
One of the Kennedys, too. Remember? Oh, yeah.

01:51:22.229 --> 01:51:25.090
I love going through the woods. So let's guess.

01:51:25.210 --> 01:51:26.850
What do you think? What's the speed? I'm going

01:51:26.850 --> 01:51:30.470
to go 90. 90 sounds good. I think they're in

01:51:30.470 --> 01:51:32.210
the hundreds. Those dudes going straight down.

01:51:32.210 --> 01:51:34.069
The fastest guys. The tuck. It's like the long

01:51:34.069 --> 01:51:36.350
drivers in golf where they're hitting 430, and

01:51:36.350 --> 01:51:38.489
you're like, what? That's not possible. All right.

01:51:38.770 --> 01:51:41.489
I'm going to go with 100. Jamie, what's the fastest?

01:51:41.590 --> 01:51:45.949
Here we go. 120. $1. Come on now, dude. Average.

01:51:46.390 --> 01:51:48.930
It says they get up to 80, but they can go up

01:51:48.930 --> 01:51:52.210
to 100. See how it went. That's the record. That's

01:51:52.210 --> 01:51:53.770
what I'm checking. It's still wild, dude. That's

01:51:53.770 --> 01:51:56.729
like a slap shot. 100 is so fast. That's how

01:51:56.729 --> 01:52:00.149
fast you go. 100 is so fast. That is a pitch.

01:52:00.310 --> 01:52:01.789
And you're not in the shell of a car. You're

01:52:01.789 --> 01:52:04.149
just like open when you fall. Yeah. It is snow,

01:52:04.210 --> 01:52:07.430
bud. How do you stop at 100? Slam into a snowboarder.

01:52:08.890 --> 01:52:11.449
Dude, so my wrist was like really hurt. And Ryan

01:52:11.449 --> 01:52:13.369
was like, you're fine. Shut up. And then I tried

01:52:13.369 --> 01:52:15.210
to put, later at night, I tried to put the key

01:52:15.210 --> 01:52:16.689
in the door of the place we were staying at.

01:52:16.710 --> 01:52:19.109
And I was like, ow. And just switch hands. And

01:52:19.109 --> 01:52:20.729
he goes. You would, dude. You'd be trying to

01:52:20.729 --> 01:52:23.609
be like, I'm trying to unlock the door. Ow. What

01:52:23.609 --> 01:52:25.340
did they have to do to your wrist? Get in there

01:52:25.340 --> 01:52:27.859
and complete real surgery. I don't know. Screws

01:52:27.859 --> 01:52:31.000
and shit? Bolts? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn. Is it

01:52:31.000 --> 01:52:34.130
okay now? Mm -hmm. Is this you? No. No. You got

01:52:34.130 --> 01:52:35.710
to hand it to Ari, though. You hung out the rest

01:52:35.710 --> 01:52:39.569
of the trip. 254. Holy. It said they got up to

01:52:39.569 --> 01:52:43.229
160, 158. That's 160. This is not a race. They're

01:52:43.229 --> 01:52:45.390
literally just going straight downhill. Wow.

01:52:45.789 --> 01:52:48.689
That's got to feel so fast. I have a scooter,

01:52:48.850 --> 01:52:51.590
and going 30, you feel like you're in light speed.

01:52:51.869 --> 01:52:54.310
And that's 30. Look at this fucking guy go. And

01:52:54.310 --> 01:52:56.010
how long does it take you to stop? It's like,

01:52:56.029 --> 01:52:59.029
damn. By the way, there's no other skiers on

01:52:59.029 --> 01:53:00.189
the slope there, so you don't have anyone to

01:53:00.189 --> 01:53:03.039
avoid. Right. He stopped pretty quick. That was

01:53:03.039 --> 01:53:06.039
like me, dude. I think it's a girl. Oh. Wow.

01:53:06.140 --> 01:53:08.100
I take it all back. She's a nice Italian lady,

01:53:08.220 --> 01:53:10.079
dude. Well, that makes sense if a girl would

01:53:10.079 --> 01:53:12.159
be lighter, should go faster. Does that make

01:53:12.159 --> 01:53:14.319
sense? Someone's crashing. Ivan. Oh, he crashes?

01:53:14.600 --> 01:53:17.020
Oh, here we go. Yes. This should be something.

01:53:17.119 --> 01:53:19.220
This is going to be nuts. He's just going straight.

01:53:19.420 --> 01:53:22.350
Does he just suck? He's pumping, too. He's going

01:53:22.350 --> 01:53:24.510
for it. Like, why does he fall? Because his legs

01:53:24.510 --> 01:53:29.310
are so far apart. Oh! That wasn't too bad. The

01:53:29.310 --> 01:53:30.970
helmet's gone. The helmet came off. You're not

01:53:30.970 --> 01:53:32.390
doing your job. It's like a Darth Vader. Yeah,

01:53:32.430 --> 01:53:34.109
why do they have Star Wars helmets? Look at those

01:53:34.109 --> 01:53:36.369
wacky boots they have on, too. Look at that slick,

01:53:36.489 --> 01:53:40.930
slick outfit. She's done. She's fucked. Oh, that's

01:53:40.930 --> 01:53:43.449
a lady. She's hurting bad. That's a woman. That's

01:53:43.449 --> 01:53:46.090
Ivan. I think it's a guy. That's a dude. That's

01:53:46.090 --> 01:53:49.010
a girl. That's a girl, bro. Look at her ass.

01:53:49.770 --> 01:53:52.170
No. It's a dude trying to take over the girls

01:53:52.170 --> 01:53:58.369
downslope record. What is it? 158 .424. Wow.

01:53:58.430 --> 01:54:02.210
You ever ski? Yeah. Last time I cracked my fucking

01:54:02.210 --> 01:54:05.670
bone on my shin. Some lady. I remember you told

01:54:05.670 --> 01:54:07.789
me you were like, I'm done. I'm out. I was going

01:54:07.789 --> 01:54:10.930
around this corner and this lady was a beginner

01:54:10.930 --> 01:54:12.689
and she was out of control. And she was like

01:54:12.689 --> 01:54:14.689
kind of sliding and she couldn't stop. And she

01:54:14.689 --> 01:54:17.609
was just going right into the path. And I'm going

01:54:17.609 --> 01:54:19.609
around the corner and I had a. I had to wipe

01:54:19.609 --> 01:54:22.130
out. You can't stop. Shane was that lady. I had

01:54:22.130 --> 01:54:24.729
two options. I was very cognizant of that. I

01:54:24.729 --> 01:54:27.069
tried my hardest not to be that. Slam into this

01:54:27.069 --> 01:54:29.329
lady or I could just go around and I know I was

01:54:29.329 --> 01:54:31.010
going to wipe out. I wiped out and I hit the

01:54:31.010 --> 01:54:33.909
back of my head hard. I got a concussion and

01:54:33.909 --> 01:54:37.850
I cracked my shin. God damn. Yeah, the top of

01:54:37.850 --> 01:54:40.770
my shin where the cartilage meets the shin bone,

01:54:40.930 --> 01:54:43.109
cracked. I knew something was wrong because I

01:54:43.109 --> 01:54:45.350
was walking, but I was like, this feels weird.

01:54:45.609 --> 01:54:49.050
Were you high or drunk? No, totally sober. There

01:54:49.050 --> 01:54:51.090
was one point I was going around that little

01:54:51.090 --> 01:54:52.829
curvy part on the bunny hills. You remember that

01:54:52.829 --> 01:54:54.050
part? Oh, yeah. I was going around that. Some

01:54:54.050 --> 01:54:57.439
10 -year -old kid did a ramp. It landed right

01:54:57.439 --> 01:55:00.260
in front of me. I was like, Jesus Christ. Dude,

01:55:00.640 --> 01:55:03.300
I was such an old man. It's like a kid jumped

01:55:03.300 --> 01:55:05.159
out. I was like, God fucking damn it. And the

01:55:05.159 --> 01:55:08.420
kid was, I'm sorry, sir. He just flew right by

01:55:08.420 --> 01:55:11.079
me. I'm just too aware of the consequences of

01:55:11.079 --> 01:55:13.300
getting a broken joint. The kids are better than

01:55:13.300 --> 01:55:14.560
that because they're not aware of this. I've

01:55:14.560 --> 01:55:16.439
had too many surgeries. I've had three. Yeah,

01:55:16.460 --> 01:55:17.300
that's what I was saying the whole time. I was

01:55:17.300 --> 01:55:19.100
like, dude, I can't blow out a knee. Yeah, I've

01:55:19.100 --> 01:55:21.420
had two. But you still had fun. Two ACLs. That

01:55:21.420 --> 01:55:23.619
shit rules. Meniscus. Look at you guys. Look

01:55:23.619 --> 01:55:24.960
at the gang, dude. That was the beginning of

01:55:24.960 --> 01:55:26.800
your mustache. That's how long this thing's been

01:55:26.800 --> 01:55:29.020
going. It looks better without the bottom. The

01:55:29.020 --> 01:55:31.800
bottom's there, dude. That's a full bridge. But

01:55:31.800 --> 01:55:34.920
it's not curly. Ranazizi's like, what am I doing

01:55:34.920 --> 01:55:37.819
here? Ranazizi's rethinking this trip. That was

01:55:37.819 --> 01:55:39.560
a fun time. He's wearing jeans, too. You guys

01:55:39.560 --> 01:55:41.579
are all wearing jeans. Ian looks like he's wearing

01:55:41.579 --> 01:55:43.140
fake nose and glasses. We're at the lodge we

01:55:43.140 --> 01:55:45.060
stayed in. So where were you guys at? We were

01:55:45.060 --> 01:55:47.039
in Park City. Ah, Park City's nice. And we stayed

01:55:47.039 --> 01:55:49.359
outside Park City. I'm trying to plan a full...

01:55:49.939 --> 01:55:52.840
comedy ski festival for next year with JFL maybe.

01:55:53.199 --> 01:55:55.420
Talk to Burt. Let him plan it. Burt will plan

01:55:55.420 --> 01:55:57.300
things. Good luck with the black. Burt's got

01:55:57.300 --> 01:55:59.720
a whole fucking thing going on now. He's got

01:55:59.720 --> 01:56:01.640
a whole festival. The minor league baseball stadiums?

01:56:01.640 --> 01:56:04.159
No. They're fully loaded. Yeah, he's got a festival.

01:56:04.359 --> 01:56:06.399
Big J's doing it. You doing it? No. It's fucking

01:56:06.399 --> 01:56:07.960
great. He showed me the lineup. I'm like, this

01:56:07.960 --> 01:56:09.939
is fantastic. He's got Joey Diaz coming back

01:56:09.939 --> 01:56:14.380
to do it. Atel. Yeah, Atel. Wow. I mean, he showed

01:56:14.380 --> 01:56:15.720
me the lineup. He showed me the thing. I'm like,

01:56:15.760 --> 01:56:17.979
this is amazing. It's like Burt constantly comes

01:56:17.979 --> 01:56:21.159
up with new ideas. Yeah. He's a mogul. He's constantly

01:56:21.159 --> 01:56:23.899
coming up with new ways to make money. Yeah,

01:56:23.960 --> 01:56:26.180
it's going to be big. He's doing the Greek. He's

01:56:26.180 --> 01:56:28.060
doing baseball stadiums, doing arenas, and he's

01:56:28.060 --> 01:56:30.279
doing these crazy markets that you forget about.

01:56:30.539 --> 01:56:33.340
Yeah, none of us play Greenville, South Carolina.

01:56:33.479 --> 01:56:36.520
No, or Mississippi or Tennessee. We did a rodeo

01:56:36.520 --> 01:56:40.920
in fucking Abilene. Yeah, there you go. A rodeo.

01:56:40.920 --> 01:56:42.500
There's no service in the whole fucking place.

01:56:42.619 --> 01:56:44.380
Who thinks of that? That was the first show I

01:56:44.380 --> 01:56:45.960
did with him. I didn't know his crowd at all.

01:56:46.079 --> 01:56:47.680
Oh, they're wild. So I got up there and said

01:56:47.680 --> 01:56:50.619
some... inappropriate things. They're a little

01:56:50.619 --> 01:56:53.340
more like, I'm a dad! Yeah, they're a little

01:56:53.340 --> 01:56:58.239
more... It's a family fun party, but it's still

01:56:58.239 --> 01:56:59.680
like... It overlaps, but... Why don't you take

01:56:59.680 --> 01:57:01.500
it easy on the, like, your sister's doing heroin

01:57:01.500 --> 01:57:04.300
jokes? Like, stuff like that. You'd think that'd

01:57:04.300 --> 01:57:06.539
be relatable. They're a little more... You ever

01:57:06.539 --> 01:57:10.060
play for Nate's crowd? No. Because you're like,

01:57:10.159 --> 01:57:11.560
yeah, we know Nate as someone who does great

01:57:11.560 --> 01:57:14.590
on our shows, but his crowd is... clean. Oh,

01:57:14.670 --> 01:57:18.050
yeah. Oh, yeah. And so it's like, I mean, even

01:57:18.050 --> 01:57:19.909
when you try to clean it up, you're like a Brian

01:57:19.909 --> 01:57:22.949
Regan type crowd. Yes. More Christian. Really?

01:57:23.670 --> 01:57:25.909
Christian. His crowd. Yeah, they're Christian.

01:57:25.989 --> 01:57:27.850
That's true. It's a lot of Christians. He doesn't

01:57:27.850 --> 01:57:30.050
cater to them. He's not like, oh, Lordy, what

01:57:30.050 --> 01:57:32.250
offer? He doesn't do any of that, you know? What

01:57:32.250 --> 01:57:36.550
the fuck? What the fuck? What was that? Lord

01:57:36.550 --> 01:57:40.470
have mercy. Praise be. Oh, Lordy. When I was

01:57:40.470 --> 01:57:42.590
at Starbucks, the motherfuckers gave me milk.

01:57:42.850 --> 01:57:44.909
Oh, Lordy, you know I need it. I said, I ain't

01:57:44.909 --> 01:57:48.170
got milk in public in my goddamn life. Praise

01:57:48.170 --> 01:57:51.210
Jesus. It was the hardest two hours of my life.

01:57:51.250 --> 01:58:13.529
Why did you come up with, oh, Lordy? The first

01:58:13.529 --> 01:58:18.890
show I just met His whole group of dudes. And

01:58:18.890 --> 01:58:20.010
you said the troops were pushing? Yeah, and they

01:58:20.010 --> 01:58:22.909
were like, we toss a coin or whatever on who

01:58:22.909 --> 01:58:25.729
goes first. I had to open the show. Oh, you toss

01:58:25.729 --> 01:58:27.890
a coin for that? Yeah, it was just like, yeah,

01:58:27.909 --> 01:58:29.770
we'll flip it. We'll see who goes every time.

01:58:29.869 --> 01:58:31.550
Yeah. If you toss the coin around me, I'd get

01:58:31.550 --> 01:58:34.430
it. Yeah. Oh, you'd scramble on the ground. Take

01:58:34.430 --> 01:58:37.590
that coin. Mine. Way to play into it. Do you

01:58:37.590 --> 01:58:40.430
pick up nickels? Oh, yeah. Do you pick up pennies?

01:58:41.090 --> 01:58:43.270
Not if anyone's looking. Nickel, please. No way.

01:58:43.329 --> 01:58:44.750
Nickels is enough, huh? If people are looking,

01:58:44.789 --> 01:58:46.760
I won't. If people... Yeah. If my friends are

01:58:46.760 --> 01:58:48.359
there, I'll do it. There's no chance. That I

01:58:48.359 --> 01:58:51.479
leave a penny? For real? Is that true? That's

01:58:51.479 --> 01:58:52.819
not true. I'm not picking it up. I throw pennies

01:58:52.819 --> 01:58:55.739
away. Whoa. I don't know if that's true. If I

01:58:55.739 --> 01:58:57.420
see them, I'll chuck them. I don't know if that's

01:58:57.420 --> 01:59:00.699
true. That's how well I'm doing. I throw pennies

01:59:00.699 --> 01:59:03.619
out. That's amazing. Easy. Congratulations. Thank

01:59:03.619 --> 01:59:06.039
you. But yeah, fullyloadedfest .com. It's going

01:59:06.039 --> 01:59:07.800
to be huge. What is that? How many shows are

01:59:07.800 --> 01:59:09.840
you doing? That's Bert's thing. I'm doing a couple.

01:59:09.899 --> 01:59:11.859
I'm doing the Greek. I'm pretty excited. I'll

01:59:11.859 --> 01:59:14.560
send you this, Jamie. Yeah, post that. It's going

01:59:14.560 --> 01:59:15.760
to be nuts. Greek will be really cool. It's an

01:59:15.760 --> 01:59:18.020
iconic place. Bert is playing Red Rock specifically.

01:59:18.399 --> 01:59:20.279
You guys are both doing Red Rock. That is what

01:59:20.279 --> 01:59:22.619
an iconic place. I'll see you there. It's lovely

01:59:22.619 --> 01:59:25.020
to love you. I believe I am. There he is. Did

01:59:25.020 --> 01:59:27.020
he take his shirt off? That's his promo thing?

01:59:27.579 --> 01:59:29.880
South Bend, Indiana, dude. Please let me get

01:59:29.880 --> 01:59:31.640
on that. Can't take the Florida out of Florida.

01:59:33.039 --> 01:59:36.920
Oh, that was a good one. God damn, dude. I was

01:59:36.920 --> 01:59:40.659
at that show. Oh, I thought that was Red Rocks.

01:59:41.300 --> 01:59:50.420
Where the first one was. That's Tommy. Hey. That

01:59:50.420 --> 01:59:54.800
was in English. He's a Morgan Freeman impersonator.

01:59:55.079 --> 01:59:57.039
So does that guy sue? That's what I'm talking

01:59:57.039 --> 02:00:00.899
about. Does Morgan Freeman sue? Nah. Maybe he

02:00:00.899 --> 02:00:04.720
should. This summer. All right. All right. We

02:00:04.720 --> 02:00:07.479
got it. Then I sent you an image, Jamie, that'll

02:00:07.479 --> 02:00:10.100
show all the tour dates, the things he's got.

02:00:10.399 --> 02:00:12.779
Nice. Dude, how about the pop when he takes his

02:00:12.779 --> 02:00:15.380
shirt off? It's wild. Like Elvis. You know how

02:00:15.380 --> 02:00:17.880
people, comedians will be like, oh, what's he

02:00:17.880 --> 02:00:19.640
take his shirt off? There it is. Fully alerted.

02:00:19.640 --> 02:00:21.920
Look at his fucking shirt's off in the. poster.

02:00:22.060 --> 02:00:23.880
Yeah, and he was generous. Fully loaded comedy

02:00:23.880 --> 02:00:26.079
festival featuring Bert Kreischer, David Tell,

02:00:26.220 --> 02:00:28.600
Fortune Femster, Nikki Glaser, Mark Norman, Big

02:00:28.600 --> 02:00:32.039
Jay Oakerson, Taylor Tomlinson, and Sal Volcano.

02:00:32.039 --> 02:00:34.180
What are the numbers? Yeah, what are the numbers?

02:00:34.279 --> 02:00:35.899
Next to some of the names. Tell what they're

02:00:35.899 --> 02:00:39.020
doing. Four? There's one. There's eight shows,

02:00:39.119 --> 02:00:42.260
and they have different numbers next to them.

02:00:42.380 --> 02:00:44.600
Oh, I see. But that's a terrible graphic. Who

02:00:44.600 --> 02:00:47.279
made that graphic? That's so confusing. Idiot.

02:00:47.380 --> 02:00:49.600
I can't even see it, and it's huge. Look at this.

02:00:49.619 --> 02:00:51.539
Louisville, Kentucky. What else you got here?

02:00:51.680 --> 02:00:53.619
Who's reading those numbers? Brandon, Missouri.

02:00:54.500 --> 02:00:56.199
Yeah, he's going all the shit holes. Lawrenceville,

02:00:56.340 --> 02:00:58.720
Georgia. Bristol, Tennessee. I mean, this is

02:00:58.720 --> 02:01:01.060
going to be nutty. Fine folks, I'm sure. Yeah.

02:01:01.079 --> 02:01:02.659
Good people. That's going to be fun, dude. They'll

02:01:02.659 --> 02:01:03.979
probably appreciate the fuck out of the show.

02:01:04.119 --> 02:01:05.800
It's minor league baseball season. It's cool.

02:01:06.360 --> 02:01:08.380
That's going to be wild, dude. I bet it is. You

02:01:08.380 --> 02:01:09.619
know what's nice about the minor league baseball

02:01:09.619 --> 02:01:12.239
stadiums? Yeah, fuck the corporations. He's doing

02:01:12.239 --> 02:01:14.239
it on his own. The gear you'll get, you'll get

02:01:14.239 --> 02:01:16.859
the fucking South Bend twisters. And they have

02:01:16.859 --> 02:01:19.159
cool t -shirts. All that shit. The Staten Island

02:01:19.159 --> 02:01:21.920
Bagels was a good one for a while. How many seats

02:01:21.920 --> 02:01:24.359
do you think he's doing in these places? A minor

02:01:24.359 --> 02:01:26.060
league baseball stadium? Probably like 7 ,000.

02:01:26.239 --> 02:01:28.500
No, it's probably like... Is he filling it up?

02:01:28.829 --> 02:01:31.949
If you do a good minor league baseball stadium,

02:01:32.010 --> 02:01:34.310
it's probably like $15 ,000. But you can do the

02:01:34.310 --> 02:01:37.430
seats, too. You put folding chairs on the ground.

02:01:38.170 --> 02:01:40.750
He said he has $400 ,000 to sell. That's what

02:01:40.750 --> 02:01:43.170
he said. How much? $400 ,000. Divided by what?

02:01:43.210 --> 02:01:46.750
Eight? Nine. Divided by nine. Wow. So that's

02:01:46.750 --> 02:01:48.630
the total. I'm not even close to that, Matt.

02:01:49.789 --> 02:01:53.760
That's incredible. That's incredible. Good for

02:01:53.760 --> 02:01:56.640
him. I'm so happy he's doing this. He's that

02:01:56.640 --> 02:02:00.180
guy. He just figures out. As soon as COVID happened,

02:02:00.460 --> 02:02:03.600
he was like, can't form a door. He's the one

02:02:03.600 --> 02:02:05.399
who got the drive in movie theaters. And people

02:02:05.399 --> 02:02:07.359
shit on him and it worked out. And then his agent

02:02:07.359 --> 02:02:09.500
gave it to fucking everybody else. When I was

02:02:09.500 --> 02:02:12.539
on my podcast and Eliza claimed that she invented

02:02:12.539 --> 02:02:15.119
it on the podcast. He's like, no, you were given

02:02:15.119 --> 02:02:18.500
it by Burt's manager. Is that what happened?

02:02:18.619 --> 02:02:20.960
Yeah. He was like, why are you telling all the

02:02:20.960 --> 02:02:24.399
other clients to do my shit? I gotta stop hating.

02:02:24.460 --> 02:02:26.659
I saw Sebastian at the Garden last week. It was

02:02:26.659 --> 02:02:29.239
unbelievable. You need to stop hating. Well,

02:02:29.300 --> 02:02:31.079
I was always hating. Like, who's this guy? Where

02:02:31.079 --> 02:02:32.680
is he coming from? What's his thing? It's the

02:02:32.680 --> 02:02:34.140
same thing I was saying. Like, with Burt, when

02:02:34.140 --> 02:02:36.380
he takes his shirt off, as comedians, you're

02:02:36.380 --> 02:02:39.640
like, oh, please. And then you see it live. So

02:02:39.640 --> 02:02:42.340
he gets intro'd. Hardest pop I've ever heard.

02:02:42.560 --> 02:02:45.210
And then he takes his shirt off. after the intro

02:02:45.210 --> 02:02:48.329
and it's the second it's the first hardest pop

02:02:48.329 --> 02:02:50.829
i've ever heard right and it dude i'm sitting

02:02:50.829 --> 02:02:54.470
up there like what the fuck like play dude dudes

02:02:54.470 --> 02:02:57.329
are people are in the audience like ah it's an

02:02:57.329 --> 02:02:59.529
event he's the jimmy it's so funny yeah yeah

02:02:59.529 --> 02:03:05.319
yeah yeah yeah yeah no one's sober right No.

02:03:05.380 --> 02:03:07.699
No. Why would they be sober for that? No. It's

02:03:07.699 --> 02:03:08.899
fun. That's the whole thing. It's like you get

02:03:08.899 --> 02:03:11.220
fucked up, you talk about, and he's, yeah. The

02:03:11.220 --> 02:03:13.979
machine! They're going nuts. He has to say that.

02:03:14.079 --> 02:03:16.319
And then he hits the machine. He's not still

02:03:16.319 --> 02:03:18.300
doing it, is he? Oh, yeah. Oh, he has to. Dude,

02:03:18.319 --> 02:03:20.079
it's the encore. It's in the contract. They want

02:03:20.079 --> 02:03:22.199
to see it. It's a song. At the end, he hits the

02:03:22.199 --> 02:03:24.159
fucking beginning of it where he's like, so I

02:03:24.159 --> 02:03:26.539
studied Russian in college. Yeah. And he leads

02:03:26.539 --> 02:03:29.199
like a subtle like, yeah, I studied Russian in

02:03:29.199 --> 02:03:30.699
college. And the whole place is like, here it

02:03:30.699 --> 02:03:34.000
comes. That all came out of him telling that

02:03:34.000 --> 02:03:35.500
story on the podcast. On the podcast, yeah. Is

02:03:35.500 --> 02:03:37.939
that right? Yeah. It's so weird. Whoa. The assumption

02:03:37.939 --> 02:03:39.479
like, oh, they've seen it already. I can't do

02:03:39.479 --> 02:03:41.500
it again. He did that story on the podcast and

02:03:41.500 --> 02:03:42.939
I told him, dude, you got to do that on stage.

02:03:43.060 --> 02:03:45.939
He's like, really? I go, 100%. I go, it's a hilarious

02:03:45.939 --> 02:03:47.899
story. You got to do that story on stage. So

02:03:47.899 --> 02:03:50.600
he starts telling it on stage. Murders. Now he

02:03:50.600 --> 02:03:52.800
can't get away from it. It's like 10 years ago.

02:03:53.020 --> 02:03:54.659
It's still murders. Oh, yeah. It's still murders.

02:03:54.960 --> 02:03:56.960
It's a classic. It's a free bird. It's a free

02:03:56.960 --> 02:03:58.979
bird. Yeah, it's a free bird. It really is. What

02:03:58.979 --> 02:04:01.760
a good way. Dude, I wish you had a story like

02:04:01.760 --> 02:04:04.340
where you could be like. Yeah, but like an encore

02:04:04.340 --> 02:04:06.840
type thing where at the end of a show you're

02:04:06.840 --> 02:04:09.550
doing a fucking arena and you're like. All right,

02:04:09.630 --> 02:04:13.069
hey, it's such an easy walk -off kill. I shifted

02:04:13.069 --> 02:04:15.529
on this idea when me and Diaz were doing a gig

02:04:15.529 --> 02:04:17.270
in St. Louis together a long time ago, and I

02:04:17.270 --> 02:04:19.390
was out in the crowd while he was on, behind

02:04:19.390 --> 02:04:22.069
people, like outside, and he started in some

02:04:22.069 --> 02:04:23.770
story, and I forget what it was, but they were

02:04:23.770 --> 02:04:25.310
like, oh, he's doing the so -and -so story. They

02:04:25.310 --> 02:04:27.170
weren't like, I've seen this. They were like,

02:04:27.250 --> 02:04:29.289
oh, this is awesome. He's doing the story, I

02:04:29.289 --> 02:04:31.829
know. Yeah, like when Dice used to do the nursery

02:04:31.829 --> 02:04:33.710
rhymes. They knew the nursery rhymes, but they

02:04:33.710 --> 02:04:35.779
still got pumped. Dude, they chanted. He sang

02:04:35.779 --> 02:04:37.880
along with him. Oh, dude. He's doing it at the

02:04:37.880 --> 02:04:40.039
gardens. I opened for him at Rock on the Range.

02:04:40.579 --> 02:04:45.079
Does? Yeah. And he was fucking with me. I go

02:04:45.079 --> 02:04:46.479
up to him. I'm opening. So I was like, hey, how

02:04:46.479 --> 02:04:47.680
much time do you want me to do? He goes, you

02:04:47.680 --> 02:04:51.060
want a photo? And I go, no, no. Just let me know

02:04:51.060 --> 02:04:52.560
how much time and I'll get out of your hair.

02:04:52.640 --> 02:04:55.060
He goes, come here. Give me your phone. And he

02:04:55.060 --> 02:04:57.520
takes a photo. And at the time, I was like, is

02:04:57.520 --> 02:04:59.279
this guy out of it? But he was obviously, you

02:04:59.279 --> 02:05:00.840
know. He's always having fun. Dicking me around.

02:05:00.920 --> 02:05:04.039
Yeah. And then. Good Charlotte or one of these

02:05:04.039 --> 02:05:07.460
fucked up bands was headlining the fest. And

02:05:07.460 --> 02:05:09.739
they saw him in the wings and they go, get out

02:05:09.739 --> 02:05:12.640
here. And he did the nursery and the whole arena.

02:05:12.960 --> 02:05:15.920
20 ,000 people did it with him in unison. Columbus.

02:05:15.979 --> 02:05:19.140
I got chills. Holy shit. It was incredible. Wow.

02:05:19.260 --> 02:05:24.079
Yeah, it's funny. Hickory dickory dock. That's

02:05:24.079 --> 02:05:28.520
like Stone Cold music. Exactly. When you see

02:05:28.520 --> 02:05:30.819
something you remember when you were a kid, it's

02:05:30.819 --> 02:05:32.640
over. I went to see David Byrne on Broadway.

02:05:32.920 --> 02:05:34.460
I'm sorry to cut you off. Yeah, go ahead. And

02:05:34.460 --> 02:05:36.399
it was when he did like the, how did we get here?

02:05:36.560 --> 02:05:39.800
I just start fucking crying. This happened to

02:05:39.800 --> 02:05:43.539
me this past weekend. So my buddy was pumped.

02:05:44.680 --> 02:05:47.579
LaMare was fired. He was like, it's fucking WrestleMania

02:05:47.579 --> 02:05:49.819
weekend. We were getting fucked up. And I was

02:05:49.819 --> 02:05:52.359
like, shut up about WrestleMania. You're a fucking

02:05:52.359 --> 02:05:56.319
old virgin. And then he was getting pumped about

02:05:56.319 --> 02:05:58.279
it. We started watching YouTube videos of WrestleMania.

02:05:59.560 --> 02:06:01.399
Instantly, I was like, oh, shit, I remember that.

02:06:01.520 --> 02:06:03.479
Because I watched it as a kid. Nostalgia strong.

02:06:03.760 --> 02:06:06.779
Battle Royal with Mr. T. Bro, then I watched

02:06:06.779 --> 02:06:09.319
WrestleMania this weekend. You went to it or

02:06:09.319 --> 02:06:10.239
just watched it? No, I just watched it. It was

02:06:10.239 --> 02:06:12.739
on Peacock. I watched it. Stone Cold came out

02:06:12.739 --> 02:06:16.699
at the end. I almost cried. Yeah. I was sitting

02:06:16.699 --> 02:06:20.369
with my girlfriend. And the music went off and

02:06:20.369 --> 02:06:23.869
I was literally like, it's in there, dude. I

02:06:23.869 --> 02:06:25.850
felt like I was in fifth grade. It takes you

02:06:25.850 --> 02:06:27.609
back. Trying to stay awake to watch Monday Night

02:06:27.609 --> 02:06:30.590
Raw. Totally. Did your girl mock you? No. She

02:06:30.590 --> 02:06:33.109
was like, wrestling's fun to watch. She was happy

02:06:33.109 --> 02:06:34.470
he got in touch with his emotions. She's a keeper.

02:06:34.470 --> 02:06:36.750
He stunners McAfee. Is that the fucking punter?

02:06:36.810 --> 02:06:39.590
That's Pat McAfee, dude. Pat McAfee. Wow. This

02:06:39.590 --> 02:06:41.930
guy's incredible, dude. McAfee, I heard, killed

02:06:41.930 --> 02:06:44.989
it. McAfee killed it. Logan Paul killed it. Dude,

02:06:45.029 --> 02:06:47.189
this was the coolest shit. That is so wild. Look

02:06:47.189 --> 02:06:49.810
at the crowd. It's so fun. They're all chucking

02:06:49.810 --> 02:06:51.989
beers at him. Oh, he dropped when he's losing

02:06:51.989 --> 02:06:54.590
his edge. No, anytime he drops one, he just lets

02:06:54.590 --> 02:06:57.949
it go. Oh, wow. Yeah. Man. So what are they doing?

02:06:57.970 --> 02:06:59.430
They're drinking beers together? Yeah, they chug

02:06:59.430 --> 02:07:01.689
his beers. Are these real beers, you think? Those

02:07:01.689 --> 02:07:03.449
are his beers. Yeah, they're his beers. He has

02:07:03.449 --> 02:07:05.390
his own beer? Yeah. What kind of beer is it?

02:07:05.470 --> 02:07:07.989
Stone cold beer? Damn, like a Rappaport. There's

02:07:07.989 --> 02:07:12.680
the stars, dude. Good for them. You could have

02:07:12.680 --> 02:07:14.239
been killed. And you know what's fun about wrestling?

02:07:14.439 --> 02:07:16.840
The coolest thing, and I was thinking about it,

02:07:16.979 --> 02:07:20.880
is you look at the crowd, it is diverse, which

02:07:20.880 --> 02:07:23.380
is the funniest thing. That's the craziest part.

02:07:23.439 --> 02:07:26.060
Is there any PhDs? Are there any, like, scholars?

02:07:26.539 --> 02:07:29.840
Are there any academics? I bet there are. Yeah,

02:07:29.880 --> 02:07:32.100
because you have the idea that it's all rednecks,

02:07:32.100 --> 02:07:33.699
but it's like, no, no, Dan Soder loves wrestling.

02:07:33.939 --> 02:07:36.399
Michael Che loves wrestling. Hinchcliffe's a

02:07:36.399 --> 02:07:40.239
giant wrestler. Ron Funches does pro wrestling.

02:07:40.359 --> 02:07:42.319
There's a steady stream of dudes without dads

02:07:42.319 --> 02:07:46.640
that love it. If you don't have a dad grown up,

02:07:46.640 --> 02:07:49.439
you're raised by dudes being like, you better

02:07:49.439 --> 02:07:55.380
fucking study. I never thought of that. Oh, yeah,

02:07:55.439 --> 02:07:57.060
they were raised by it. You need a male role

02:07:57.060 --> 02:07:59.640
model. Oh, shit, that's it. And they're the most.

02:08:00.220 --> 02:08:02.319
Male role models, they're perfect, dude. They're

02:08:02.319 --> 02:08:04.619
so masculine. Yeah, super masculine. They wear

02:08:04.619 --> 02:08:07.119
costumes. And they always defend a woman that's

02:08:07.119 --> 02:08:10.819
always a through line. They're on Percocets.

02:08:11.260 --> 02:08:14.520
They're on steroids. They die. I got into a fight

02:08:14.520 --> 02:08:17.319
with Piper one time. Rodney Piper? Yeah. What?

02:08:17.359 --> 02:08:19.020
We staged a fight at the improv. I dishonored

02:08:19.020 --> 02:08:22.079
the... reputation of a young porn star. And I

02:08:22.079 --> 02:08:23.739
was like, dad's embarrassed of you. And he's

02:08:23.739 --> 02:08:25.300
like, he comes busting into the room. He's like,

02:08:25.319 --> 02:08:27.380
you take that back. And I'm like, or what, bitch?

02:08:28.140 --> 02:08:30.220
He's like, he taught me how to slap him. He's

02:08:30.220 --> 02:08:31.500
like, slap me in the face. I'm like, I won't.

02:08:31.500 --> 02:08:33.279
This is it right here? What? This is Tripoli's

02:08:33.279 --> 02:08:35.760
old show. Give me the first Will Smith from the

02:08:35.760 --> 02:08:40.439
beginning. From the beginning. Look at pre -conspiracy

02:08:40.439 --> 02:08:44.760
theory, Tripoli. Who's the porn star? Don't sass,

02:08:44.899 --> 02:08:51.149
dude. Piper versus racist. My favorite's racist.

02:08:52.609 --> 02:08:54.930
Is that Dana DeArma? I think it's Dana DeArma.

02:08:55.109 --> 02:08:59.029
Oh, she was fun. She's a fun girl. She's always

02:08:59.029 --> 02:09:00.770
hanging around people. She's cool. Very cool.

02:09:00.930 --> 02:09:03.170
I'm sure she was cool as hell. Dated Yusuf for

02:09:03.170 --> 02:09:06.930
a while. Yeah. That was jealous. What the fuck

02:09:06.930 --> 02:09:08.689
is wrong with you, you little dick motherfucker?

02:09:08.949 --> 02:09:11.989
Whoa. That was a dream right there. Howdy. No!

02:09:12.210 --> 02:09:15.289
You said you fucking much. Yeah! Roll game! Roll

02:09:15.289 --> 02:09:24.000
game! Can I say one thing? Oh, this is great.

02:09:24.220 --> 02:09:29.180
Oh, this is hilarious. Good for you, Ari. Damn,

02:09:29.220 --> 02:09:31.319
that's awful. He played the piano with my head.

02:09:32.279 --> 02:09:34.760
This is a hate crime. Oh, this is hilarious.

02:09:35.420 --> 02:09:37.300
This is not happening. He's huffing you from

02:09:37.300 --> 02:09:42.079
behind. He's going to pull his dick out. He's

02:09:42.079 --> 02:09:46.250
going to beat you in his belt. How bad did that

02:09:46.250 --> 02:09:49.430
hurt? That was like a hurt. You got adrenaline,

02:09:49.550 --> 02:09:52.130
though? This is what he taught me. He goes, hey,

02:09:52.470 --> 02:09:54.109
you got to flail your arms if I'm hitting you,

02:09:54.170 --> 02:09:55.550
because if you don't, it won't look real, and

02:09:55.550 --> 02:09:59.069
if you don't, I have to hurt you. Oh, my God.

02:09:59.350 --> 02:10:01.869
Dude, I watched it. Because I've been talking

02:10:01.869 --> 02:10:04.250
about wrestling and all that, my algorithm now

02:10:04.250 --> 02:10:06.289
is starting to get into wrestling. Look, last

02:10:06.289 --> 02:10:08.789
thing I need is to get into wrestling. No, no,

02:10:08.869 --> 02:10:10.750
no. What, are you thinking about getting into

02:10:10.750 --> 02:10:12.430
wrestling? No, no, no, no, no. But it is fun

02:10:12.430 --> 02:10:14.649
to watch, dude. It's fun to watch. Then why wouldn't

02:10:14.649 --> 02:10:17.510
you get into it? I know where this path leads,

02:10:17.689 --> 02:10:20.369
dude. I've seen the dudes into wrestling. Where's

02:10:20.369 --> 02:10:23.189
the lead? You could maybe break the mold. No,

02:10:23.189 --> 02:10:26.949
he's the mold. I am the mold. If you got into

02:10:26.949 --> 02:10:28.569
astrology, you would break the mold. Why don't

02:10:28.569 --> 02:10:31.350
you just embrace it? I can't imagine something

02:10:31.350 --> 02:10:34.050
that I like that I don't get into. Well, no,

02:10:34.210 --> 02:10:37.729
I don't. Look, I don't. Anyway, there's a video

02:10:37.729 --> 02:10:39.949
on Twitter where you see the dudes actually,

02:10:39.989 --> 02:10:42.699
because it's improvised. You don't know that.

02:10:42.819 --> 02:10:45.779
In the ring, it's improvised. No, I think it's

02:10:45.779 --> 02:10:48.460
pretty choreographed. No, they improvise. Yeah,

02:10:48.479 --> 02:10:49.800
they know who's going to win and what's going

02:10:49.800 --> 02:10:53.060
to happen, but they improvise on the spot. They'll

02:10:53.060 --> 02:10:55.659
be grappling, and somebody made a video of them,

02:10:55.720 --> 02:10:57.960
what they say to each other. They're like, throw

02:10:57.960 --> 02:11:00.159
me in the turnbuckle elbow, and they do it. Just

02:11:00.159 --> 02:11:02.859
like that. And they know all the moves, so they

02:11:02.859 --> 02:11:04.819
say it. They're like, suplex. And the guy will

02:11:04.819 --> 02:11:07.739
just do it on the spot. It's crazy. That is impressive.

02:11:08.119 --> 02:11:10.039
What a fucking punishment their bodies take.

02:11:10.760 --> 02:11:13.500
It's insane. Dude, I was backstage with Colt

02:11:13.500 --> 02:11:15.800
Cabana in Edinburgh. They used to do it every

02:11:15.800 --> 02:11:17.340
once a week in Edinburgh. They would do a show.

02:11:17.619 --> 02:11:21.199
And some guy came out and got in the way of a

02:11:21.199 --> 02:11:23.460
two -on -two. And then I'm backstage, and everyone's

02:11:23.460 --> 02:11:25.439
like, what the fuck are you doing? We had a six

02:11:25.439 --> 02:11:27.380
-week fucking thing planned, and you fucking

02:11:27.380 --> 02:11:29.340
ruined it. And we're all just like, what is this?

02:11:29.680 --> 02:11:31.479
Yeah, dude. They have all these, like, long -term,

02:11:31.479 --> 02:11:33.659
like, storylines they set up. The guy ruined

02:11:33.659 --> 02:11:35.300
the storyline? Yeah. He was like, I was just,

02:11:35.399 --> 02:11:36.960
I thought I could just. He's like, yeah, you

02:11:36.960 --> 02:11:39.520
thought. That's your fucking problem. You think

02:11:39.520 --> 02:11:41.520
we needed your fucking help? It was crazy. That

02:11:41.520 --> 02:11:42.539
made no sense. It was so cool to be backstage

02:11:42.539 --> 02:11:44.800
in that. The wild thing is to watch them, like,

02:11:44.840 --> 02:11:46.779
they'll put a guy through a table or off the

02:11:46.779 --> 02:11:48.979
fucking thing, and the second they land, the

02:11:48.979 --> 02:11:50.399
guy goes, are you all right? And the guy's like,

02:11:50.899 --> 02:11:54.369
yeah, bro. or sometimes they're like, no. I just

02:11:54.369 --> 02:11:55.890
got fucked up, and they're like, we got to finish

02:11:55.890 --> 02:11:58.590
this. There's one video with The Undertaker and

02:11:58.590 --> 02:12:00.770
some guy, and he was like, are you okay? And

02:12:00.770 --> 02:12:02.909
the guy's like, no, but you got to do the tombstone.

02:12:03.390 --> 02:12:05.649
He says it. So the guy's fucked up. He probably

02:12:05.649 --> 02:12:08.550
broke his ribs or his knee. What a pro. And he's

02:12:08.550 --> 02:12:10.090
like, you got to do the tombstone, even though

02:12:10.090 --> 02:12:12.529
I'm fucked up. So he picks him up. It's crazy.

02:12:12.770 --> 02:12:15.970
Dude, when we had the Undertaker on, he talked

02:12:15.970 --> 02:12:19.170
about his eyeballs getting shattered. What? His

02:12:19.170 --> 02:12:21.329
orbital got shattered. He had to get it replaced

02:12:21.329 --> 02:12:24.069
twice. Two different orbitals. One of them, a

02:12:24.069 --> 02:12:27.090
guy does this thing where he falls back and lands

02:12:27.090 --> 02:12:30.189
with his ass on his face, and it shattered his

02:12:30.189 --> 02:12:32.880
orbital. So he had to get, like, mesh put in

02:12:32.880 --> 02:12:34.119
there. He couldn't move his eyes. And he had

02:12:34.119 --> 02:12:35.979
to complete the fucking wrestling match. Yeah,

02:12:36.000 --> 02:12:38.460
dude. Wow. I was in Montreal doing my storytelling

02:12:38.460 --> 02:12:40.560
show, and either Big Show or Mankind, one of

02:12:40.560 --> 02:12:42.239
those guys who does stand -up sometimes now.

02:12:42.500 --> 02:12:45.079
Mankind. Mankind. And he finished. It's a fun

02:12:45.079 --> 02:12:46.619
story, you know. And then I was like, anyone

02:12:46.619 --> 02:12:48.420
who thinks wrestling is fake, watch this guy

02:12:48.420 --> 02:12:50.300
take these two steps down the stage. And it was

02:12:50.300 --> 02:12:54.460
so good. Yo. Mankind was, like, the guy. Like,

02:12:54.460 --> 02:12:57.359
he got. Fucked up. Foley, too, is another one.

02:12:57.380 --> 02:12:59.380
Foley. It was Foley. Yeah, it's Mick Foley. That's

02:12:59.380 --> 02:13:03.359
Mankind. Oh, sorry. I was in... That's Dude Love,

02:13:03.520 --> 02:13:05.500
Cactus Jack. I was in Toronto, and I was doing

02:13:05.500 --> 02:13:07.279
that weed show. You know that weed show that

02:13:07.279 --> 02:13:09.640
was downstairs? Do you guys ever do the Comedy

02:13:09.640 --> 02:13:12.260
Underground in Toronto? It's done now, I think.

02:13:12.439 --> 02:13:14.800
It's done? It was a weed show. You go there,

02:13:14.840 --> 02:13:16.600
everybody was smoking weed. There was no air

02:13:16.600 --> 02:13:18.279
in the room. It was all just weed. It was crazy.

02:13:18.420 --> 02:13:20.439
People would pass out once every three shows

02:13:20.439 --> 02:13:22.100
from greening out. I did a weed show. There was

02:13:22.100 --> 02:13:24.689
so much weed. Where did you say it was? Toronto.

02:13:24.729 --> 02:13:25.829
Yeah, I did a week show in Toronto. It was in

02:13:25.829 --> 02:13:27.850
the back of a bong show. Yes. Bong show. I just

02:13:27.850 --> 02:13:29.250
did it. Did you go to the bong show? No, no,

02:13:29.250 --> 02:13:31.689
no. Two years ago. It's a different room. Oh,

02:13:31.689 --> 02:13:32.970
okay. There's a few rooms, but this was the best

02:13:32.970 --> 02:13:36.090
one. So anyway, Iron Sheik was in the crowd by

02:13:36.090 --> 02:13:38.430
some strange, so he walks up on stage with me

02:13:38.430 --> 02:13:40.710
and starts talking to me while I'm, oh, here

02:13:40.710 --> 02:13:42.859
it goes. Talking shit? Oh, yeah, that's it. He

02:13:42.859 --> 02:13:44.859
had to walk with a cane, man. He was really fucked

02:13:44.859 --> 02:13:47.319
up. Yeah. He likes comedy. He's done some roasts,

02:13:47.319 --> 02:13:49.239
I think. Joe looks a little retarded there. No,

02:13:49.279 --> 02:13:51.319
I look fine. Anytime you're around a wrestler,

02:13:51.500 --> 02:13:55.640
it brings it out. Anytime you see a wrestler,

02:13:55.739 --> 02:13:57.760
you're like... What is he saying? I can't believe...

02:14:11.050 --> 02:14:14.689
What is the toughest sport in the Olympic? Freestyle,

02:14:14.770 --> 02:14:19.890
record rolling, or UFC? The toughest sport in

02:14:19.890 --> 02:14:23.689
the Olympics is freestyle wrestling, sir. Absolutely.

02:14:25.550 --> 02:14:30.130
Absolutely. Because he knows what he's talking

02:14:30.130 --> 02:14:35.449
and he knows how to watch it. Is he still alive?

02:14:35.649 --> 02:14:38.829
Yeah. He's tweeting. Is he tweeting? He's tweeting.

02:14:38.829 --> 02:14:40.390
His tweets are fucking hilarious. He was crazy.

02:14:40.609 --> 02:14:45.069
I'm a champion. I humble you. Did he wrestle?

02:14:45.399 --> 02:14:48.140
Oh, my God. Iron Sheik? With Iran or something?

02:14:48.359 --> 02:14:50.439
Oh, yeah, yeah. He was a legit amateur wrestler.

02:14:50.579 --> 02:14:52.859
He played, oh, that kind of wrestling. Yeah,

02:14:52.880 --> 02:14:54.520
real wrestling. Oh, wow. He didn't just do that.

02:14:54.560 --> 02:14:57.720
He used to do those shield casts with those giant

02:14:57.720 --> 02:15:00.899
clubs. You know those wrestling, those workout

02:15:00.899 --> 02:15:03.840
clubs? The Iranian ones are these big, giant,

02:15:03.899 --> 02:15:06.520
wooden clubs that are heavy as fuck. And he would

02:15:06.520 --> 02:15:08.579
do these workouts that are really hard to do

02:15:08.579 --> 02:15:11.840
with these giant clubs. So he was a legit guy.

02:15:12.020 --> 02:15:12.960
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They all are. What's his

02:15:12.960 --> 02:15:16.800
name? Gable? Look at these clubs. This is his

02:15:16.800 --> 02:15:19.420
thing. Other guys couldn't do it. They would

02:15:19.420 --> 02:15:21.739
try to do his clubs, and this was part of the

02:15:21.739 --> 02:15:24.960
gag. The Iron Sheik would go, try to do my clubs.

02:15:25.180 --> 02:15:27.640
It's so funny because he's actually Jewish. Is

02:15:27.640 --> 02:15:29.859
he? Yeah, he's a Persian Jew. Oh, that's hilarious.

02:15:30.199 --> 02:15:31.979
And he calls himself Iranian. No one is in showbiz.

02:15:32.020 --> 02:15:34.020
The Iron Sheik. Look, he's got the curly tips

02:15:34.020 --> 02:15:37.500
of the toes. Oh, yeah. So this is Precious Paul

02:15:37.500 --> 02:15:41.000
trying to do the Iron Sheik's clubs. Is that

02:15:41.000 --> 02:15:44.079
Logan Paul's dad? Could be. Looks like it. He's

02:15:44.079 --> 02:15:45.899
pulling it off. He's pretty fucking jacked. There

02:15:45.899 --> 02:15:47.859
you go. Jesus Christ, he's jacked. Yeah, he's

02:15:47.859 --> 02:15:51.520
roided. He works out. You think so? He looks

02:15:51.520 --> 02:15:53.619
nice. But when the Iron Sheik does it, watch

02:15:53.619 --> 02:15:55.699
how effortlessly he moves these giant -ass fucking

02:15:55.699 --> 02:15:58.880
clubs. The guy was, in his prime, he was a tank

02:15:58.880 --> 02:16:02.020
of a man. Yeah. Like a real legit, look, he wipes

02:16:02.020 --> 02:16:04.239
them all down and shit. Damn. So he's doing the

02:16:04.239 --> 02:16:06.699
circles. That's the shield cast. The other guy

02:16:06.699 --> 02:16:09.100
was just going up and back. Good podcast name.

02:16:09.100 --> 02:16:12.840
That is so hard to do with things as heavy as

02:16:12.840 --> 02:16:14.899
that. The crowd's my favorite, dude. Look at

02:16:14.899 --> 02:16:17.520
the lady that looks exactly like me. Look at

02:16:17.520 --> 02:16:19.159
the old lady with the glasses next to the cowboy

02:16:19.159 --> 02:16:21.619
hat. Look at the old lady with the glasses next

02:16:21.619 --> 02:16:23.159
to the guy with the cowboy hat. There's Cliff

02:16:23.159 --> 02:16:25.079
on the left. I don't know what to do. I'm waiting

02:16:25.079 --> 02:16:28.180
for something fun to happen. Right now, this

02:16:28.180 --> 02:16:29.880
isn't fun. He's just working out. That's really

02:16:29.880 --> 02:16:31.960
hard. A lot of women there. A lot of women, you're

02:16:31.960 --> 02:16:35.989
right. So he's just loosely put. Doing it longer?

02:16:36.149 --> 02:16:39.510
Look at the guy right next to his left shoulder

02:16:39.510 --> 02:16:44.870
that looks like a young Howard Stern. Precious

02:16:44.870 --> 02:16:46.729
Paul's just trying to figure out how long can

02:16:46.729 --> 02:16:50.430
he do that? Black people. Where? All over, dude.

02:16:50.489 --> 02:16:52.190
Black people love wrestling, too. Yeah, they

02:16:52.190 --> 02:16:55.149
do. It's crazy. See how Precious Paul's doing

02:16:55.149 --> 02:16:57.610
it? That's a bullshit way to do it. He doesn't

02:16:57.610 --> 02:17:00.090
have the roll. And then they wrestle afterwards?

02:17:00.309 --> 02:17:01.670
Is that what happens? How much weight is that,

02:17:01.729 --> 02:17:08.219
you think? Son of a bitch. That was smart. That's

02:17:08.219 --> 02:17:09.739
what the fun part about wrestling is. It's like,

02:17:09.780 --> 02:17:11.959
oh, you motherfucker. Of course he was going

02:17:11.959 --> 02:17:13.799
to wrestle here. Of course he was going to do

02:17:13.799 --> 02:17:17.520
that. So he was a Persian Jew? Persian Jew. Well,

02:17:17.579 --> 02:17:20.479
that's from Iran. Yeah, a lot of Persian Jews.

02:17:20.680 --> 02:17:23.600
He just played a role. That's what Persia is.

02:17:23.860 --> 02:17:26.719
How was Logan Paul as a wrestler? Dude, it was

02:17:26.719 --> 02:17:29.139
so good. I'm sure he's great. He's going to be

02:17:29.139 --> 02:17:31.889
a wrestler. Oh, he should be. He's a star. He's

02:17:31.889 --> 02:17:34.450
a star. Yeah, he's a star. His podcast is actually

02:17:34.450 --> 02:17:36.829
really good. Really? The Dana White episode.

02:17:36.829 --> 02:17:37.969
Are you trying to get on it or something? Well,

02:17:37.989 --> 02:17:39.350
no, the Dana White episode. I listened to the

02:17:39.350 --> 02:17:40.950
whole thing. I listened to a clip. He had Dana

02:17:40.950 --> 02:17:44.010
on? Yeah, and it's great. It's an amazing pod

02:17:44.010 --> 02:17:46.809
episode. Give it a listen. He's done a lot of

02:17:46.809 --> 02:17:48.569
shit, man. I mean, you got to give the guys props.

02:17:48.750 --> 02:17:51.069
He's not lazy. He fought Floyd Mayweather in

02:17:51.069 --> 02:17:52.770
a boxing match. I don't care if he's 50 pounds

02:17:52.770 --> 02:17:54.469
heavier than Floyd Mayweather. It's still Floyd

02:17:54.469 --> 02:17:56.610
fucking Mayweather. Yeah, it's crazy. Look at

02:17:56.610 --> 02:17:59.059
that. Yeah, dude. Woo. He was doing splits and

02:17:59.059 --> 02:18:00.879
shit. That's pretty impressive. Look at that.

02:18:01.600 --> 02:18:04.319
Oh, Lucha Libre. Damn, he's a fucking athlete.

02:18:04.520 --> 02:18:07.760
Look at that flexibility. Is that a real Lucha

02:18:07.760 --> 02:18:09.780
Libre thing? Or is that just in WrestleMania?

02:18:10.459 --> 02:18:13.260
Is it like in Mexico? I had no idea he was that

02:18:13.260 --> 02:18:18.219
flexible. That's crazy. Wow. Good for him. You

02:18:18.219 --> 02:18:21.379
ever see D 'Elia make up with him? Make up? Yeah,

02:18:21.399 --> 02:18:23.139
because him and D 'Elia used to go at it, and

02:18:23.139 --> 02:18:25.280
he's like, hey, whatever I said before, the guy's

02:18:25.280 --> 02:18:28.590
a star. Forget it. Oh, wow. Wow. What did D 'Elia

02:18:28.590 --> 02:18:30.670
used to say about him? He used to just be like,

02:18:30.729 --> 02:18:32.510
fuck this idiot, fuck this kid who's like a...

02:18:32.649 --> 02:18:35.409
influencer. Yeah. That was easy to do, though.

02:18:35.469 --> 02:18:37.709
I know. I was wrong. This guy's awesome. Him

02:18:37.709 --> 02:18:39.190
and his brother are fucking animals. I mean,

02:18:39.209 --> 02:18:41.270
what they've been able to do is incredible. His

02:18:41.270 --> 02:18:44.049
brother knocked out Tyron Woodley. Hard. Did

02:18:44.049 --> 02:18:45.969
you knock him out? With one punch. That's crazy.

02:18:45.969 --> 02:18:48.409
He knocked out one of the greatest. It was like

02:18:48.409 --> 02:18:51.809
a vicious. Vicious. A striker. Not a wrestler.

02:18:51.889 --> 02:18:54.370
He's a striker. Well, he was a wrestler. He just

02:18:54.370 --> 02:18:56.969
had a lot of power. But the fact that he knocked

02:18:56.969 --> 02:18:59.079
out One of the greatest welterweight champions

02:18:59.079 --> 02:19:01.840
of all time with one punch is fucking bonkers.

02:19:02.000 --> 02:19:05.000
I agree with that. Watch this. Watch this. Oh,

02:19:05.139 --> 02:19:08.170
I did see that. Okay. Jake. That sucks being

02:19:08.170 --> 02:19:11.190
sponsored by Dude Wipes. Come the fuck on. When

02:19:11.190 --> 02:19:13.549
you get knocked out, all of a sudden the sponsors

02:19:13.549 --> 02:19:16.149
are kind of embarrassed. And you're showing that

02:19:16.149 --> 02:19:18.790
sponsorship. Dude Wipes. Couldn't you fall backwards?

02:19:19.190 --> 02:19:20.930
Faceplant with Dude Wipes in your butt. See,

02:19:21.069 --> 02:19:23.870
he's got the power out of the two of them. He's

02:19:23.870 --> 02:19:26.809
got the power. Logan is a really good athlete,

02:19:26.930 --> 02:19:29.229
but he's not as good of a boxer. But Jake Paul,

02:19:29.370 --> 02:19:31.270
on top of being a better boxer, he's got legit

02:19:31.270 --> 02:19:36.020
power. He sleeps people. Look at this. Oh, he

02:19:36.020 --> 02:19:40.180
dropped that left. Bro, that is face plant. That's

02:19:40.180 --> 02:19:42.379
alcohol. And that's Tyron Woodley. That's like

02:19:42.379 --> 02:19:44.620
one of the greatest welterweight champions ever.

02:19:44.620 --> 02:19:47.239
He didn't even seem surprised he did it. He walked

02:19:47.239 --> 02:19:49.360
away like, that's what I was going for. Great

02:19:49.360 --> 02:19:52.819
white hope. Oh, he left that white hope. Joe,

02:19:52.840 --> 02:19:54.540
what did he do there? Go block the stomach? He

02:19:54.540 --> 02:19:55.760
thought he was going to the body. Yeah, he thought

02:19:55.760 --> 02:19:56.979
he was going to the body. And he thought he was

02:19:56.979 --> 02:19:58.819
going to drop his hand down to stop the body

02:19:58.819 --> 02:20:00.479
shot. Because I think he probably went to the

02:20:00.479 --> 02:20:03.409
body just before that. He set him up. See, he

02:20:03.409 --> 02:20:05.409
even dips like he's going to hit the body, and

02:20:05.409 --> 02:20:07.409
then he goes over the top. See how he did that?

02:20:07.430 --> 02:20:09.989
Amazing. Amazing. So he dipped like he was ripping

02:20:09.989 --> 02:20:11.790
to the body. How do you protect that otherwise?

02:20:11.889 --> 02:20:13.840
Drop the right? You've got to get the fuck out

02:20:13.840 --> 02:20:15.799
of there. Get the fuck out of there and put your

02:20:15.799 --> 02:20:18.879
hands up. The thing is, Tyron was not conditioned

02:20:18.879 --> 02:20:21.479
for this fight because he took it on fairly short

02:20:21.479 --> 02:20:23.559
notice. It wasn't that much. He was supposed

02:20:23.559 --> 02:20:27.059
to fight someone else. Who was he supposed to

02:20:27.059 --> 02:20:29.559
fight? Tommy Fury, and then he backed out. Yeah,

02:20:29.559 --> 02:20:31.459
that's right. Tommy Fury. Something happened

02:20:31.459 --> 02:20:34.479
to Tommy Fury. He had to get out. And then Tyron

02:20:34.479 --> 02:20:36.760
took it on just a few weeks' notice. And there's

02:20:36.760 --> 02:20:38.540
no way he was conditioned for that fight. So

02:20:38.540 --> 02:20:41.139
when you're not... Like fully camp conditioned,

02:20:41.420 --> 02:20:43.860
you take breaks. Like when you're in the fight,

02:20:43.940 --> 02:20:46.000
like there's times maybe you should move and

02:20:46.000 --> 02:20:47.579
you go, I'm just going to take a fucking break

02:20:47.579 --> 02:20:50.100
here. And you're like trying to like gather up

02:20:50.100 --> 02:20:52.700
your energy and you manage it over the course

02:20:52.700 --> 02:20:54.680
of the three minutes. You can't just go out.

02:20:54.739 --> 02:20:57.319
Like when you see like, if you see a fighter

02:20:57.319 --> 02:20:59.840
like Manny Pacquiao when he's in his prime. and

02:20:59.840 --> 02:21:02.600
he's fucking supremely conditioned. There's no

02:21:02.600 --> 02:21:05.979
thought about conserving energy. Man is just

02:21:05.979 --> 02:21:07.680
thinking about how to fuck you up. Just thinking

02:21:07.680 --> 02:21:09.159
about how to fuck you up because his conditioning

02:21:09.159 --> 02:21:11.639
is off the charts. I mean, he's not sprinting.

02:21:11.639 --> 02:21:13.559
He's conserving some energy, but that's not his

02:21:13.559 --> 02:21:15.559
primary concern. His primary concern is just

02:21:15.559 --> 02:21:18.040
hitting you. When a guy gets to a point where

02:21:18.040 --> 02:21:21.459
most likely he's not training every day hard

02:21:21.459 --> 02:21:23.299
when he doesn't have a fight scheduled, then

02:21:23.299 --> 02:21:25.020
he gets a fight scheduled and it's only two weeks

02:21:25.020 --> 02:21:27.760
notice, you can kind of get in shape in two weeks,

02:21:27.840 --> 02:21:30.100
but not like... the kind of shape you need to

02:21:30.100 --> 02:21:32.879
be able to fight. So he was taking a break. Because

02:21:32.879 --> 02:21:35.340
he also must have thought, like, it's not an

02:21:35.340 --> 02:21:37.579
MMA guy. It's a Paul. He already fought him.

02:21:37.639 --> 02:21:40.020
He fought him and he lost. But there were moments

02:21:40.020 --> 02:21:42.860
in that first fight where when Tyron would turn

02:21:42.860 --> 02:21:46.100
it on, he was the better fighter. He would have

02:21:46.100 --> 02:21:48.120
been a different fight if Tyron had the time

02:21:48.120 --> 02:21:50.520
to prepare. I guarantee you. I guarantee you.

02:21:50.600 --> 02:21:52.860
Because he would have more conditioning, more

02:21:52.860 --> 02:21:55.059
confidence to hit the gas. Like, when you don't

02:21:55.059 --> 02:21:56.879
have condition, if you don't have a full camp,

02:21:57.319 --> 02:21:59.659
You still are in shape. You're a fucking professional

02:21:59.659 --> 02:22:02.040
athlete. You're still a fucking stud of a man.

02:22:02.159 --> 02:22:04.040
But he doesn't have the kind of conditioning

02:22:04.040 --> 02:22:08.379
that you need to go a hard fight. You condition

02:22:08.379 --> 02:22:12.239
your body three minutes hard work, one minute

02:22:12.239 --> 02:22:13.559
rest. Three minutes hard work, one minute rest.

02:22:13.879 --> 02:22:16.520
World work, plyometrics. You get conditioned.

02:22:17.219 --> 02:22:18.819
There's no way he was conditioned for that fight.

02:22:18.860 --> 02:22:20.379
But that's part of their attack is I think people

02:22:20.379 --> 02:22:23.319
underestimate. And that's how they kind of get

02:22:23.319 --> 02:22:26.260
an edge on it. Everybody, the wrestler guy, the

02:22:26.260 --> 02:22:27.620
real wrestler, whatever his name is, who he got

02:22:27.620 --> 02:22:30.420
knocked out. Askren. Askren. All these guys are

02:22:30.420 --> 02:22:31.959
like, whatever, you're nothing. Exactly. The

02:22:31.959 --> 02:22:33.920
guy's actually working hard. I actually think

02:22:33.920 --> 02:22:37.459
Askren didn't give a fuck. Right. Yeah, he looked

02:22:37.459 --> 02:22:41.620
doughy. Listen, Askren had a hip replacement.

02:22:41.959 --> 02:22:44.139
He took the fight after a hip replacement, and

02:22:44.139 --> 02:22:46.639
not that long after a hip replacement. There's

02:22:46.639 --> 02:22:48.559
no way he was in shape for that fight. And Askren,

02:22:48.620 --> 02:22:51.879
he lost, and he was like, so? Oh, yeah, yeah.

02:22:52.399 --> 02:22:54.780
Smart guy. Askren is a very smart guy. Askren's

02:22:54.780 --> 02:22:57.200
awesome. And he's funny. Yeah, he is funny. Does

02:22:57.200 --> 02:22:58.959
Askren really make more in those two fights than

02:22:58.959 --> 02:23:01.200
his whole UFC career? Supposedly. Most likely.

02:23:01.219 --> 02:23:02.819
Wow. That's what he said. Wow. That's what he

02:23:02.819 --> 02:23:05.290
said. Yeah. I don't know what the number is.

02:23:05.389 --> 02:23:06.850
Wow. See, I like those, Paul, because it's kind

02:23:06.850 --> 02:23:10.049
of like the YouTube comics. He offered Chris

02:23:10.049 --> 02:23:12.629
Rock and Will Smith $40 million to fight. Who

02:23:12.629 --> 02:23:15.030
did, Paul? Jake Paul did. What? Chris Rock's

02:23:15.030 --> 02:23:16.950
like, I don't care about Will Smith. Well, even

02:23:16.950 --> 02:23:20.250
if he did, Chris Rock is very small. It's not

02:23:20.250 --> 02:23:22.719
fair. Right. The difference is like 60 pounds.

02:23:22.780 --> 02:23:24.579
He never trained to play the greatest boxer of

02:23:24.579 --> 02:23:28.239
all time. Will Smith. Put up Will Smith as Muhammad

02:23:28.239 --> 02:23:31.959
Ali. Dude, Will Smith is a fucking athlete. When

02:23:31.959 --> 02:23:34.459
he was playing Muhammad Ali, it was one of those

02:23:34.459 --> 02:23:37.639
rare moments. There's like a few guys that have

02:23:37.639 --> 02:23:40.059
pulled it off. Daniel Day -Lewis did a great

02:23:40.059 --> 02:23:45.450
in the boxer. Mark Wahlberg did it great as a

02:23:45.450 --> 02:23:47.909
fighter when he played Mickey Ward. He did a

02:23:47.909 --> 02:23:50.709
fantastic job. But show the video of him moving

02:23:50.709 --> 02:23:53.229
around. Because there's video from the fight.

02:23:53.670 --> 02:23:57.069
And he was fucking good, man. That's crazy, that

02:23:57.069 --> 02:23:58.989
picture of him taking the robe off. Literally,

02:23:59.049 --> 02:24:03.250
he got like the kind of still baby fat, but jacked.

02:24:03.250 --> 02:24:05.969
Like Ali. Exactly like Ali. Dude, he did a fantastic

02:24:05.969 --> 02:24:08.469
job as Ali. And that's him against Sonny Liston.

02:24:08.909 --> 02:24:11.889
That's in photography. Yeah. But he's a good

02:24:11.889 --> 02:24:13.829
athlete, man. I think it's a Michael Mann. That's

02:24:13.829 --> 02:24:18.069
why this is so not fair. I think it is. To have

02:24:18.069 --> 02:24:21.329
a boxing match between this man and Chris Rock

02:24:21.329 --> 02:24:25.170
is crazy. Yeah. Jake Paul. Look at Howard Cosell

02:24:25.170 --> 02:24:30.510
with his terrible wig. Look at that. That's got

02:24:30.510 --> 02:24:33.950
to be him fighting Sonny Liston, right? That

02:24:33.950 --> 02:24:38.700
must be. Holly fucking ruled. Yeah. Oh, my God.

02:24:38.739 --> 02:24:41.399
He was amazing. That was one thing Kanye said.

02:24:41.479 --> 02:24:43.159
Kanye in his documentary was like, where are

02:24:43.159 --> 02:24:45.479
all the Muhammad Alis? Where's the fun guys,

02:24:45.719 --> 02:24:48.139
the cocky guys? They're kind of done. Hey, man,

02:24:48.260 --> 02:24:50.680
it's hard to make a guy like that. Do you know

02:24:50.680 --> 02:24:52.559
how fucking hard it is to be a guy like that

02:24:52.559 --> 02:24:54.920
and also be brilliant? Who's the right -wing

02:24:54.920 --> 02:24:58.030
guy in MMA? Colby. Colby Covington. He's doing

02:24:58.030 --> 02:25:00.909
it well. He talks a lot of shit. But he's a good

02:25:00.909 --> 02:25:02.909
fighter. He's fun. He promotes a fight well.

02:25:02.909 --> 02:25:05.030
He's fucking elite. He's not just a good fighter.

02:25:05.170 --> 02:25:07.149
If it wasn't for Kamaru Usman, he'd probably

02:25:07.149 --> 02:25:09.489
be the welterweight champ of the world. Kamaru

02:25:09.489 --> 02:25:13.649
Usman is just so fucking good. He's, in my mind,

02:25:13.809 --> 02:25:15.989
he's the GOAT. When you look at welterweight

02:25:15.989 --> 02:25:18.510
champions, it's like Georges St -Pierre and there's

02:25:18.510 --> 02:25:22.450
Kamaru Usman. I feel like the way Usman dispatches

02:25:22.450 --> 02:25:25.540
people... Man, it's hard to argue that there's

02:25:25.540 --> 02:25:27.120
someone who you would give an advantage over

02:25:27.120 --> 02:25:29.459
him. If George and him fought in their prime,

02:25:29.719 --> 02:25:31.819
God, what a fight that would be. What a fight

02:25:31.819 --> 02:25:35.139
that would be. Yeah. If I had to bet, who knows

02:25:35.139 --> 02:25:37.920
who I'd bet on. It might be Usman, though. He

02:25:37.920 --> 02:25:39.780
might be the most likable fighter, though. Listen

02:25:39.780 --> 02:25:42.079
to him talk, St. Pierre. Oh, he's amazing. He's

02:25:42.079 --> 02:25:45.540
just so cute and nerdy and nice. Yeah, he's great.

02:25:45.799 --> 02:25:47.260
Usman's very likable, too. Dude, he came on,

02:25:47.399 --> 02:25:51.670
GSP came on the bonfire. Really? Yeah. Did he

02:25:51.670 --> 02:25:53.549
really? He was in Sirius, and he just came in,

02:25:53.590 --> 02:25:55.010
and I happened to be on that episode. Oh, wow.

02:25:55.329 --> 02:25:57.590
I was like, George, I'll fuck you up. You know

02:25:57.590 --> 02:25:59.549
what I mean? I was like, dude, don't make me

02:25:59.549 --> 02:26:01.290
fuck you up. And he was like, who is this guy?

02:26:01.690 --> 02:26:04.069
Yeah, yeah. It was just that. His accent's great.

02:26:04.489 --> 02:26:07.149
Instead of talking about me, talk about dinosaurs.

02:26:07.590 --> 02:26:09.709
Yeah, yeah. He loves dinosaurs. If you said that

02:26:09.709 --> 02:26:11.889
to any other UFC fighter, they'd be like, fuck

02:26:11.889 --> 02:26:14.420
you, puss. He was just like. Boy, this guy is

02:26:14.420 --> 02:26:17.079
funny. And he hates fighting, apparently. He's

02:26:17.079 --> 02:26:19.079
like, I don't like doing it. He's so intelligent

02:26:19.079 --> 02:26:22.159
and so friendly. He's like, you would never believe

02:26:22.159 --> 02:26:23.920
that he's one of the greatest fighters that's

02:26:23.920 --> 02:26:25.559
ever walked to face the earth. That video of

02:26:25.559 --> 02:26:28.299
you showing him whatever kick, and then he's

02:26:28.299 --> 02:26:30.540
like, interesting. And then the next fight, he

02:26:30.540 --> 02:26:33.299
breaks it out. Yeah. I worked with him a couple

02:26:33.299 --> 02:26:36.280
times on that. That was like my signature move

02:26:36.280 --> 02:26:38.479
in my Taekwondo days was the turning side kick.

02:26:38.600 --> 02:26:40.379
Wow. And then the fact that he was like, nope,

02:26:40.479 --> 02:26:42.540
I get it. I don't care who's telling me. That's

02:26:42.540 --> 02:26:44.340
a cool move. I'll do it. Well, that was the fun

02:26:44.340 --> 02:26:46.559
conversation. It was such a silly conversation.

02:26:46.840 --> 02:26:49.620
I was talking to John Donaher, and John Donaher

02:26:49.620 --> 02:26:51.719
pulls me aside. He goes, I want to work with

02:26:51.719 --> 02:26:55.500
George on his spinning back kick technique. Do

02:26:55.500 --> 02:26:56.840
you know anybody who could help me with that?

02:26:57.219 --> 02:27:00.440
And I said, this is going to sound crazy. I know

02:27:00.440 --> 02:27:03.340
how this sounds. I go, but I have one of the

02:27:03.340 --> 02:27:05.299
best spinning back kicks you've ever seen. I

02:27:05.299 --> 02:27:07.879
go, I know that sounds so crazy. I know that

02:27:07.879 --> 02:27:09.659
sounds so dumb. I'm a comedian. I'm telling you

02:27:09.659 --> 02:27:12.360
this, but it's true. And so I think John already

02:27:12.360 --> 02:27:14.940
knew that, though, before he asked me that question.

02:27:15.040 --> 02:27:17.719
I think it was a setup. Can we see it? Yeah,

02:27:17.719 --> 02:27:19.139
there's a video of it. There's a video of me

02:27:19.139 --> 02:27:22.379
showing George. And we were at this sweaty fucking

02:27:22.379 --> 02:27:25.219
gym called Legends. That was the problem. While

02:27:25.219 --> 02:27:27.379
I was showing it to him, the whole floor was.

02:27:27.680 --> 02:27:29.879
It was before. It was after the Bomb Squad. After

02:27:29.879 --> 02:27:31.620
Bomb Squad. After Bomb Squad. Then we went to

02:27:31.620 --> 02:27:35.739
Legends. East side. East of LA. So this is me

02:27:35.739 --> 02:27:40.270
and George. Upstairs, right? What year? How about

02:27:40.270 --> 02:27:43.329
you? No, it wasn't 2011, was it? Is that when

02:27:43.329 --> 02:27:45.610
it was uploaded? Oh, it's on my channel. Well,

02:27:45.649 --> 02:27:48.790
it must be 2011. Four million views here. Yeah.

02:27:49.069 --> 02:27:51.290
So George gets his phone out because he wants

02:27:51.290 --> 02:27:54.409
to film it. I think it's probably happened before

02:27:54.409 --> 02:27:56.670
that. He's smiling. It's the best. Before that.

02:27:57.850 --> 02:28:02.030
No, I already did it, Jamie. Go to the beginning.

02:28:04.090 --> 02:28:06.629
Ari's got a small bladder. No, it's in the beginning.

02:28:06.709 --> 02:28:09.350
I know the video. I haven't gone yet. So if you

02:28:09.350 --> 02:28:11.489
show the beginning, it's when he first sees me

02:28:11.489 --> 02:28:14.829
do it. Yeah, so this is it. You know what else

02:28:14.829 --> 02:28:16.770
is cool about St. Pierre is he's a complete product

02:28:16.770 --> 02:28:19.489
of bullying. He was bullied and he just made

02:28:19.489 --> 02:28:21.879
him a... Made him a badass. Do you know he met

02:28:21.879 --> 02:28:24.379
his bully one day out in the street when he was

02:28:24.379 --> 02:28:26.040
driving his Range Rover? Oh, my God. His bully

02:28:26.040 --> 02:28:27.760
was walking on the street. This is my worst nightmare.

02:28:27.979 --> 02:28:30.100
And he talked to the guy, and, like, he forgave

02:28:30.100 --> 02:28:32.500
him and, you know, just talked to him. Yeah,

02:28:32.659 --> 02:28:34.299
I think he even, like, helped him out and gave

02:28:34.299 --> 02:28:36.360
him some money. Wow, that's the ultimate win.

02:28:37.059 --> 02:28:39.540
Yeah, no, it is the ultimate win. Well, it's

02:28:39.540 --> 02:28:42.040
like anybody who's like that is mean. Most of

02:28:42.040 --> 02:28:43.200
the time someone was mean to them. Yeah, and

02:28:43.200 --> 02:28:45.319
they're fucked up. Someone fucked them up. Right.

02:28:45.340 --> 02:28:47.799
That's that old hurt people hurt people. Yes.

02:28:47.799 --> 02:28:49.940
You know? It's all internal. It's something they're

02:28:49.940 --> 02:28:52.239
going through shit. Listen, man, if it wasn't

02:28:52.239 --> 02:28:53.440
for bullies, I never would have done martial

02:28:53.440 --> 02:28:55.139
arts either. I got into martial arts because

02:28:55.139 --> 02:28:57.860
I was terrified. Really? Yeah, because I didn't

02:28:57.860 --> 02:28:59.079
have any friends. I was always moving around,

02:28:59.239 --> 02:29:01.340
and I was little. And so all these guys would

02:29:01.340 --> 02:29:03.100
fuck with me. I'm like, oh, this is a problem.

02:29:03.219 --> 02:29:04.899
I've got to learn how to fight. Right. That's

02:29:04.899 --> 02:29:06.819
why I like comedy. You'd get out of fighting

02:29:06.819 --> 02:29:09.239
getting beat up by telling jokes and shit. For

02:29:09.239 --> 02:29:10.799
sure. Most of the time, but it's always good.

02:29:11.469 --> 02:29:12.889
It's always good to be able to touch yourself.

02:29:13.229 --> 02:29:16.670
The worst is telling a joke and then getting

02:29:16.670 --> 02:29:20.610
punched in the face. That was me. I was a little

02:29:20.610 --> 02:29:22.329
worried that it was going to be open season and

02:29:22.329 --> 02:29:24.329
people smacking people after that. There were

02:29:24.329 --> 02:29:26.049
so many people that were supporting Will Smith.

02:29:26.350 --> 02:29:31.069
I wasn't worried at all. No? Big guy. Yeah, but

02:29:31.069 --> 02:29:33.430
also like... No, I don't think it's – because

02:29:33.430 --> 02:29:36.170
he's so hated now. He's like a joke. So I think

02:29:36.170 --> 02:29:37.409
anybody's scared of doing that. But he's not

02:29:37.409 --> 02:29:38.889
hated universally. This is one of the things

02:29:38.889 --> 02:29:40.649
that I found about this whole Will Smith, Chris

02:29:40.649 --> 02:29:44.329
Rock thing that's so strange. It seems like no

02:29:44.329 --> 02:29:46.850
matter what happens, there's going to be a certain

02:29:46.850 --> 02:29:49.590
group of people that side with the... But that's

02:29:49.590 --> 02:29:52.930
anything. Yes. People think 9 -11 was good, some

02:29:52.930 --> 02:29:55.329
people. Some people do, yeah. That is the thing.

02:29:55.370 --> 02:29:57.090
There's so many people that have an opinion.

02:29:57.389 --> 02:30:00.069
No Jews in the building. There's so many people

02:30:00.069 --> 02:30:02.469
that have an opinion that anytime something happens,

02:30:02.670 --> 02:30:04.790
you're going to find some hot take that makes

02:30:04.790 --> 02:30:07.399
you want to vomit. There's a lot of people that

02:30:07.399 --> 02:30:09.799
were supporting Will Smith. Don't talk about

02:30:09.799 --> 02:30:12.340
a man's wife. Don't talk about a man's wife.

02:30:12.840 --> 02:30:16.399
Really? A joke about G .I. Jane? A movie where

02:30:16.399 --> 02:30:18.680
you got a really hot lady, Demi Moore, who's

02:30:18.680 --> 02:30:20.379
one of the baddest women that's ever been a star

02:30:20.379 --> 02:30:22.840
of a movie. She becomes a fucking Navy SEAL.

02:30:22.899 --> 02:30:24.760
There's nothing negative about that. And you

02:30:24.760 --> 02:30:27.319
can see some nip in the movie cover. Right, but

02:30:27.319 --> 02:30:30.139
it's like... There's nothing negative about G

02:30:30.139 --> 02:30:33.420
.I. Jane. G .I. Jane was a badass movie. She

02:30:33.420 --> 02:30:36.319
tells the guy to suck her dick. Remember that?

02:30:36.540 --> 02:30:39.459
Right. That was hot. And that's enough to cause

02:30:39.459 --> 02:30:42.159
violence? Yeah. It's like comparing a man to

02:30:42.159 --> 02:30:44.020
Rambo. Settle down, Rambo. Exactly. Yeah, yeah,

02:30:44.100 --> 02:30:46.079
yeah. Right, right. Nobody gets upset. How dare

02:30:46.079 --> 02:30:48.500
you call me jacked and awesome. You see a handsome

02:30:48.500 --> 02:30:51.040
guy with a great body and a long, flowing lock

02:30:51.040 --> 02:30:53.440
of hair. Sure. Damn, Rambo rules. Call him Rambo.

02:30:53.440 --> 02:30:55.860
Can you pull up the G .I. Jane movie poster?

02:30:56.639 --> 02:30:59.639
There it is. Look at that. Nip. I told you. Two

02:30:59.639 --> 02:31:04.139
thumbs up. Failure is not an option. Hell yeah.

02:31:04.399 --> 02:31:05.979
You know how many lesbians rubbed one out to

02:31:05.979 --> 02:31:08.180
that? What a dumb thing to get upset about. What

02:31:08.180 --> 02:31:12.059
a fucking moron. It's a great movie. Total moron.

02:31:12.059 --> 02:31:14.840
It's a movie where she's a hero. She's a beast.

02:31:15.040 --> 02:31:18.120
She's looking to get upset. Let's be honest though.

02:31:18.180 --> 02:31:22.700
It's an old reference. She got it. They for sure

02:31:22.700 --> 02:31:25.950
had a discussion. before that show. Yeah. They

02:31:25.950 --> 02:31:28.690
for sure did. Of course, whoever the writer was,

02:31:28.790 --> 02:31:31.110
he was like, I wrote that joke. Did you see the

02:31:31.110 --> 02:31:33.629
TikTok? What? I don't know. I heard it was a

02:31:33.629 --> 02:31:35.270
guy from Philadelphia. Who wrote that? Yeah,

02:31:35.309 --> 02:31:37.190
somebody at the stand told me like, hey, my buddy

02:31:37.190 --> 02:31:39.309
said I wrote that joke for him. Oh my God, that's

02:31:39.309 --> 02:31:40.889
hilarious. He tweeted it. It's not a great joke.

02:31:41.069 --> 02:31:43.149
It's not the best joke. I couldn't even believe

02:31:43.149 --> 02:31:46.329
he said it. But it's like when you watch him

02:31:46.329 --> 02:31:49.110
laughing at it and then her giving him the look

02:31:49.110 --> 02:31:51.530
and then he goes up on the stage like, and you

02:31:51.530 --> 02:31:53.799
know there was a TikTok? Did you know there was

02:31:53.799 --> 02:31:56.299
a TikTok of the two of them before the Oscars

02:31:56.299 --> 02:31:57.680
talking about how they were going to cause chaos?

02:31:58.120 --> 02:32:04.739
No. Uh -oh. Easy, JoJo. What? Yes. No. Yes. Watch

02:32:04.739 --> 02:32:08.700
this. Oh, God. No. Let's go back to the Klan

02:32:08.700 --> 02:32:10.440
talk. I think the reason why he did that when

02:32:10.440 --> 02:32:12.700
he went up there so quickly and so irrationally,

02:32:12.719 --> 02:32:15.620
I think this was something they discussed. Who's

02:32:15.620 --> 02:32:18.500
that? Who's that? Chris, or Will, rather, and

02:32:18.500 --> 02:32:21.670
Jada. Okay. Because he was, I mean, he was obviously

02:32:21.670 --> 02:32:23.989
laughing. Will Smith and Jay, choose chaos. Here

02:32:23.989 --> 02:32:31.590
it goes. Oh, the video says. I don't know if

02:32:31.590 --> 02:32:33.889
they actually, it was posted in words, I think,

02:32:33.909 --> 02:32:35.940
on his Instagram account. I don't know if. It

02:32:35.940 --> 02:32:39.700
was a TikTok, and it said that they were going

02:32:39.700 --> 02:32:42.180
to start chaos. Wait, what was that, though?

02:32:42.180 --> 02:32:44.819
Ricky Gervais says I would not have made fun

02:32:44.819 --> 02:32:47.239
of her hair? He goes, I would have joked about

02:32:47.239 --> 02:32:49.280
her boyfriend. That's a better joke. Oh, okay.

02:32:49.280 --> 02:32:51.479
I didn't read the rest. He went viral after this.

02:32:51.520 --> 02:32:53.879
He didn't even do anything. Hold up. Scroll back.

02:32:53.959 --> 02:32:57.340
Will Smith brags about causing chaos at the Oscars

02:32:57.340 --> 02:33:00.639
just hours before slapping Chris Rock over his

02:33:00.639 --> 02:33:03.500
Jada Pinkett joke. Yeah, they literally discussed

02:33:03.500 --> 02:33:05.780
that. They're going through a lot. They're not

02:33:05.780 --> 02:33:08.120
showing the video. That's what I think. It was

02:33:08.120 --> 02:33:10.680
just a... Yeah, he's going through a lot, dude.

02:33:10.760 --> 02:33:14.700
Yeah. He's fucked up. He's fucked up. And that's

02:33:14.700 --> 02:33:16.559
fine. It's a nothing joke. But you can't hit

02:33:16.559 --> 02:33:18.659
people when you're fucked up. Even if it was,

02:33:18.700 --> 02:33:21.459
you don't do that. God all dressed up to choose

02:33:21.459 --> 02:33:23.399
chaos. What, is he running for Legion of Skanks

02:33:23.399 --> 02:33:28.680
president? We won. We did win. We did win. It's

02:33:28.680 --> 02:33:30.280
late slide. Crazy, right? Let's have victory.

02:33:30.440 --> 02:33:33.100
Abrogated our thrones. If she made him do that.

02:33:33.530 --> 02:33:35.489
If, like she said, if someone talks shit about

02:33:35.489 --> 02:33:37.489
me, you're going to walk up on that stage, you're

02:33:37.489 --> 02:33:38.850
going to smack them right in the face. Whoever

02:33:38.850 --> 02:33:40.870
it may be. Oh, I wish it was Schumer. How fun

02:33:40.870 --> 02:33:42.569
would that have been? That would have been another

02:33:42.569 --> 02:33:46.110
story. It's taking a month off. What a loser.

02:33:47.010 --> 02:33:50.850
Man, we made it three hours before we got a Trump.

02:33:51.090 --> 02:33:53.209
Hey, there you go. I was doing all the fucking

02:33:53.209 --> 02:33:57.090
hey -hays. I was doing all your fucking act.

02:33:57.170 --> 02:33:58.629
Hey, Donald, what do you think of that dumb mustache

02:33:58.629 --> 02:34:03.190
on Shane? Still in my act. The mustache is very

02:34:03.190 --> 02:34:06.690
good. A lot of people say it's handsome. Most

02:34:06.690 --> 02:34:11.469
people say it's handsome. Did you know right

02:34:11.469 --> 02:34:14.489
away you could do his voice? No. Did you practice

02:34:14.489 --> 02:34:17.209
it? No, it just got better. It gets better. Yeah.

02:34:17.569 --> 02:34:19.750
But there's voices I hear and I go, I can't do

02:34:19.750 --> 02:34:22.110
that one. That one's out. Yeah, I can't do a

02:34:22.110 --> 02:34:25.069
lot of voices. I can't do any voices. I can't

02:34:25.069 --> 02:34:30.659
either. Do me. Do me. Cues are gross. Fuck this.

02:34:30.700 --> 02:34:34.180
You guys are fucking idiots. No, the only thing

02:34:34.180 --> 02:34:36.620
I can do is I can probably get your yell. When

02:34:36.620 --> 02:34:39.459
you start yelling. I got high pitch. Yeah, when

02:34:39.459 --> 02:34:42.239
you start screaming, that might be easy. That's

02:34:42.239 --> 02:34:45.399
the only Trump I can do is his yell. Like his

02:34:45.399 --> 02:34:47.860
rally. No, no, no. You can do the dialogue. No,

02:34:47.860 --> 02:34:50.100
but his rally voice. His rally voice is easy.

02:34:50.479 --> 02:34:52.520
When he's doing the rally, he's like, that's

02:34:52.520 --> 02:34:54.879
what I said. I said it. And then he like steps

02:34:54.879 --> 02:34:56.979
away. Right, right, right. I see. But his speeches

02:34:56.979 --> 02:34:59.870
when he's like. Yeah. Doing like he's got the...

02:34:59.870 --> 02:35:04.409
Oh, yeah, he does. He always inhales. He sucks

02:35:04.409 --> 02:35:06.469
in through his teeth. Oh, yeah, he always just

02:35:06.469 --> 02:35:08.889
breathes through his lower teeth. Yeah, his lower

02:35:08.889 --> 02:35:10.309
teeth are a big part of his body. Do you study

02:35:10.309 --> 02:35:12.090
the little details of it before trying that,

02:35:12.149 --> 02:35:14.010
or do you just like... No, I think any time I

02:35:14.010 --> 02:35:16.149
see somebody talk, I can pick up their mannerisms.

02:35:16.750 --> 02:35:19.159
I think that's normal. Did you see the thing

02:35:19.159 --> 02:35:20.899
that he did? We were talking about it last night.

02:35:21.000 --> 02:35:23.120
There was a guy in the audience. He goes, where's

02:35:23.120 --> 02:35:25.020
my gaze for Trump? Where's my gaze for Trump?

02:35:25.200 --> 02:35:27.040
And the guy's out there and he goes, you don't

02:35:27.040 --> 02:35:31.180
look gay. It's a black guy with a cowboy hat

02:35:31.180 --> 02:35:33.420
on. How good is that? It's fucking amazing. And

02:35:33.420 --> 02:35:35.379
then just the camera going back to the dudes

02:35:35.379 --> 02:35:37.180
filming it being like, what did he say? And the

02:35:37.180 --> 02:35:39.260
other guy's like, just the other dude being like,

02:35:39.360 --> 02:35:42.459
dude, he said you don't look gay. DeStefano put

02:35:42.459 --> 02:35:44.799
a picture up or a video of him watching this

02:35:44.799 --> 02:35:46.579
on his Instagram. He goes, how's this guy not

02:35:46.579 --> 02:35:49.239
president? How is he not president? Well, he

02:35:49.239 --> 02:35:52.840
might be. He might be. Do you think he's going

02:35:52.840 --> 02:35:54.360
to win again? You get a couple Texas Bud Lights,

02:35:54.479 --> 02:35:56.979
dude. If he runs out against Biden, he'll win.

02:35:58.040 --> 02:36:08.520
Thank you. You don't look good. I mean, you don't

02:36:08.520 --> 02:36:12.860
look good. You don't look good. You don't look

02:36:12.860 --> 02:36:14.399
good. Did you see the video of him going above

02:36:14.399 --> 02:36:16.260
the environment? Did you see the video about

02:36:16.260 --> 02:36:19.120
the environment? Where he goes, you saw it? Yeah.

02:36:19.260 --> 02:36:21.180
Where he just curses. The ocean's going to rise

02:36:21.180 --> 02:36:25.940
one millionth of one percent over the next 500

02:36:25.940 --> 02:36:28.299
fucking years. The chick behind him is like,

02:36:28.340 --> 02:36:30.559
yeah, that's what we like. He kills. Yeah, he

02:36:30.559 --> 02:36:32.739
kills. He does well. He's got some great fucking

02:36:32.739 --> 02:36:36.219
lines. And also, I mean, if you can, yeah, whatever.

02:36:36.280 --> 02:36:38.020
I'm not going to get fucked up and start being

02:36:38.020 --> 02:36:40.739
like, the guy's making some good points. Remember

02:36:40.739 --> 02:36:44.840
how good shit was? He should be a social media

02:36:44.840 --> 02:36:46.899
figure. He should be just complaining about everything

02:36:46.899 --> 02:36:48.479
and have someone who actually knows how to. Just

02:36:48.479 --> 02:36:50.700
have a show. Yeah. But something's going on.

02:36:50.739 --> 02:36:53.899
I mean, fighting on flights is up like 20 ,000%.

02:36:53.899 --> 02:36:55.940
Yeah. People are like, there's an article in

02:36:55.940 --> 02:36:57.959
The Atlantic. I saw like, what's wrong with everybody

02:36:57.959 --> 02:37:00.790
now? Everything is up. Social media. It might

02:37:00.790 --> 02:37:06.770
be social media, but it's also the economy. There's

02:37:06.770 --> 02:37:10.170
inflation right now. Airlines stink. I think

02:37:10.170 --> 02:37:12.750
it's a lack of interaction. We're social beings.

02:37:12.889 --> 02:37:14.889
I think we're not being social. They're two years

02:37:14.889 --> 02:37:17.549
off of being around people. Everybody was supposed

02:37:17.549 --> 02:37:19.049
to come together. We did a podcast right at the

02:37:19.049 --> 02:37:20.329
beginning of COVID. We're like, well, this will

02:37:20.329 --> 02:37:22.700
end all the fucking. gender pronouns, nothing

02:37:22.700 --> 02:37:25.299
matters compared to this. And then within two

02:37:25.299 --> 02:37:26.979
minutes, everyone was like, nah, let's start

02:37:26.979 --> 02:37:30.219
fighting again. But if the, you know how before

02:37:30.219 --> 02:37:33.059
COVID, everyone was like, this country needs

02:37:33.059 --> 02:37:35.700
a war. We need something real to happen so everyone

02:37:35.700 --> 02:37:38.620
shuts the fuck up. COVID, when that happened,

02:37:38.659 --> 02:37:40.299
you guys were probably like, oh, this is something

02:37:40.299 --> 02:37:43.850
real. This is going to fuck everybody up. Nothing.

02:37:43.850 --> 02:37:46.030
We just sat and watched Netflix for two years.

02:37:46.069 --> 02:37:49.170
It destroyed the economy. It destroyed people's

02:37:49.170 --> 02:37:52.170
livelihoods. It destroyed work environments and

02:37:52.170 --> 02:37:54.969
social environments and hobbies and all these

02:37:54.969 --> 02:37:56.889
different things that people want to do. So the

02:37:56.889 --> 02:38:00.489
amount of people that are unhappy in comparison

02:38:00.489 --> 02:38:02.209
to the amount of people whose lives were going

02:38:02.209 --> 02:38:05.559
well in 2019 before it went back. It's probably

02:38:05.559 --> 02:38:07.879
in the millions. Yeah, Mark Cuban's out of anybody's

02:38:07.879 --> 02:38:11.139
throat. He's doing great. The stack of unhappy

02:38:11.139 --> 02:38:14.000
people and the people who this really fucked

02:38:14.000 --> 02:38:16.479
their life up. It's just changed the tone of

02:38:16.479 --> 02:38:18.319
the country. The whole country feels different.

02:38:18.520 --> 02:38:20.280
Also, everybody was at home, so they were online

02:38:20.280 --> 02:38:22.899
even more. And that online thing that riles you

02:38:22.899 --> 02:38:26.340
up, you're more exposed to it. You saw all the

02:38:26.340 --> 02:38:28.459
alt comics getting angrier and angrier at the

02:38:28.459 --> 02:38:30.579
regular real comics. And then you saw the real

02:38:30.579 --> 02:38:34.159
comics being like, yeah, maybe I am a right -wing

02:38:34.159 --> 02:38:37.479
guy. There's a bunch of those too. Interesting.

02:38:37.500 --> 02:38:39.420
Because they got upset at the fucking alt comics

02:38:39.420 --> 02:38:41.520
always at their neck. Yeah, it's annoying. And

02:38:41.520 --> 02:38:43.120
then you see the headlines and you're like...

02:38:43.120 --> 02:38:46.520
The ones that are at people's neck, the ones

02:38:46.520 --> 02:38:48.780
that are at people's neck though, they're never

02:38:48.780 --> 02:38:51.319
good. They're almost never good. Almost never

02:38:51.319 --> 02:38:53.420
good. They're almost never like a really solid

02:38:53.420 --> 02:38:54.959
comic. Because they're online all the time. They're

02:38:54.959 --> 02:38:56.139
not writing. They put their energy into that.

02:38:56.200 --> 02:38:58.180
No one's writing. No one's performing. No one's

02:38:58.180 --> 02:38:59.459
getting up. No one's tweaking. But even when

02:38:59.459 --> 02:39:02.469
they do, it's just not good. Wow. It's not good

02:39:02.469 --> 02:39:05.229
stuff. I don't think of one really good comic

02:39:05.229 --> 02:39:07.629
that was at everybody's neck during this time.

02:39:07.870 --> 02:39:09.750
Yeah. No. Hold on. Let me think about that. Do

02:39:09.750 --> 02:39:12.649
you? Well, you see it's a lot of men versus women.

02:39:12.670 --> 02:39:14.610
But then Michelle Wolf is funny. She's doing

02:39:14.610 --> 02:39:15.809
great. She's working. She's happy. Michelle never

02:39:15.809 --> 02:39:17.510
attacks anybody online. She never attacks people.

02:39:17.690 --> 02:39:19.770
She's hilarious. She's great. She does never

02:39:19.770 --> 02:39:21.829
attack people. But it's like the ones who do.

02:39:22.010 --> 02:39:26.729
It's almost like they're trying to stop. people

02:39:26.729 --> 02:39:28.690
that they don't agree with more than they're

02:39:28.690 --> 02:39:31.229
trying to build themselves up. We live in a society

02:39:31.229 --> 02:39:33.629
where if you saw somebody just get off a woman,

02:39:33.670 --> 02:39:35.729
like raping her, they'd be like, get that guy.

02:39:35.870 --> 02:39:38.270
Shouldn't we help the rape victims? Nah, 70 -30,

02:39:38.329 --> 02:39:40.010
we should punish the rapist more than we should

02:39:40.010 --> 02:39:42.309
help the victim. We're into punishment more than

02:39:42.309 --> 02:39:45.170
we're into helping people. We're less into helping

02:39:45.170 --> 02:39:47.459
people than we are into hurting people. Hurting

02:39:47.459 --> 02:39:49.340
people is big. So we want to punish the accused

02:39:49.340 --> 02:39:51.379
instead of helping the victims. But we also want

02:39:51.379 --> 02:39:53.379
to grab the accused to make sure he doesn't continue

02:39:53.379 --> 02:39:54.600
to victimize people. Sure, but even this Chris

02:39:54.600 --> 02:39:56.059
Rock thing. Everybody's like, who was wrong?

02:39:56.159 --> 02:39:57.780
Will Smith? Or maybe Chris Rock shouldn't have

02:39:57.780 --> 02:39:59.200
gone so far. But nobody's like, hey, how's Chris

02:39:59.200 --> 02:40:01.659
doing? He got slapped in the middle of a fucking

02:40:01.659 --> 02:40:04.520
show. No one's like, is he all right? That's

02:40:04.520 --> 02:40:07.340
true. Amy Schumer took a month off because of

02:40:07.340 --> 02:40:09.799
the trauma. How's she doing now? What trauma?

02:40:09.819 --> 02:40:16.879
I think she's doing okay. What trauma? Do it.

02:40:18.959 --> 02:40:25.889
How's she doing now? She's doing great. That's

02:40:25.889 --> 02:40:28.110
what it was. Taking a month off is fucking nuts.

02:40:28.290 --> 02:40:30.610
Who takes a month off stand -up? What? We're

02:40:30.610 --> 02:40:33.370
feeding her. She's getting a lot of feed. A lot

02:40:33.370 --> 02:40:36.850
of feed. Well, anytime you have to announce that

02:40:36.850 --> 02:40:38.610
you're taking time off, it's like, how fucked

02:40:38.610 --> 02:40:39.690
up are you? How does that work? Just don't call

02:40:39.690 --> 02:40:42.250
for spots. Yeah, just don't take time off. How

02:40:42.250 --> 02:40:43.229
does that work, though? Do you think there's

02:40:43.229 --> 02:40:45.510
publicists that handle this? I think so, yeah.

02:40:45.549 --> 02:40:47.989
Is there a discussion? Yes. What do we do next

02:40:47.989 --> 02:40:50.209
to move the needle? How are you in those discussions?

02:40:50.370 --> 02:40:53.479
I've had, obviously, significantly lower level,

02:40:53.540 --> 02:40:56.059
obviously. But when they're like, hey, this is

02:40:56.059 --> 02:40:58.959
what we should do, I'm like, no. Yeah, why do

02:40:58.959 --> 02:41:00.639
you say that? Shut the fuck up. I'm just going

02:41:00.639 --> 02:41:03.040
to go do a set. Yeah, don't do anything. What

02:41:03.040 --> 02:41:05.979
are you guys doing? When that happened, there

02:41:05.979 --> 02:41:08.500
was all these plans. This is what we need to

02:41:08.500 --> 02:41:10.680
do. I was like, definitely don't do that. I'm

02:41:10.680 --> 02:41:15.100
not going on the news. They told you not to go

02:41:15.100 --> 02:41:17.840
on stage? How great was that set we did? They

02:41:17.840 --> 02:41:19.700
were like, definitely don't go on stage. I was

02:41:19.700 --> 02:41:21.799
like, this is... That's all I have. This is the

02:41:21.799 --> 02:41:24.659
only thing that's going to make me not sad. Yes.

02:41:24.879 --> 02:41:27.020
And then me and Ari came on stage. It was great.

02:41:27.139 --> 02:41:29.159
It was so fun. I remember a night I was so livid

02:41:29.159 --> 02:41:31.459
because finally one of ours, finally a mainstream

02:41:31.459 --> 02:41:34.420
real comic got on that show. Yeah. And we're

02:41:34.420 --> 02:41:36.020
like, sweet. And then they took it away. It was

02:41:36.020 --> 02:41:38.020
like a punishment for all of us. It was like

02:41:38.020 --> 02:41:40.000
when they killed Pesci, you know? And we're like,

02:41:40.000 --> 02:41:41.799
wait. Oh, for sure. He was one of ours. And so

02:41:41.799 --> 02:41:43.620
then I was like, Shane, I was just livid. And

02:41:43.620 --> 02:41:44.979
I was like, get up here. Let's have fun. Yeah.

02:41:45.100 --> 02:41:47.899
That was a cool night. That was one of my favorite

02:41:47.899 --> 02:41:49.940
sets of that year. Yeah, there were people there

02:41:49.940 --> 02:41:51.459
that they hit me up and they were like, dude,

02:41:51.540 --> 02:41:53.680
that was a cool thing. Isn't it interesting when

02:41:53.680 --> 02:41:55.959
things go sideways, a lot of people want you

02:41:55.959 --> 02:41:58.180
to disappear for a while. A lot of people, but

02:41:58.180 --> 02:42:00.559
not everybody. The hate online is so overwhelming

02:42:00.559 --> 02:42:02.079
that you're like, I guess the world hates me.

02:42:02.180 --> 02:42:03.860
And then you go on and they're like, yeah! As

02:42:03.860 --> 02:42:05.559
soon as you walk on stage, they're like, let's

02:42:05.559 --> 02:42:08.379
go. Chris Rock is getting huge ovations. Louie

02:42:08.379 --> 02:42:12.280
gets huge ovations. It's not all... Real. My

02:42:12.280 --> 02:42:13.959
first set after all that Kobe stuff happened

02:42:13.959 --> 02:42:17.559
was just a poppin' set at the upstairs of the

02:42:17.559 --> 02:42:19.360
stand. So I wasn't on the lineup. It was like

02:42:19.360 --> 02:42:21.620
a two -minute, not standing ovation, just a two

02:42:21.620 --> 02:42:23.340
-minute ovation. I'm like, yeah, you're here.

02:42:23.559 --> 02:42:25.770
And I'm like, oh. Oh, you guys are just regular

02:42:25.770 --> 02:42:29.590
comedy fans. Yeah, but here's the hard part about

02:42:29.590 --> 02:42:31.969
that is because people will be like, see, cancel

02:42:31.969 --> 02:42:34.610
culture is not real. It helps. It's like, no,

02:42:34.729 --> 02:42:36.909
dude, these are people that like you that are

02:42:36.909 --> 02:42:38.750
like, no, we still love you. You're a minority.

02:42:38.790 --> 02:42:41.469
And it's not like, it doesn't help, dude. Obviously,

02:42:41.549 --> 02:42:44.510
it doesn't help. No. That shit sucks. I hate

02:42:44.510 --> 02:42:46.829
the cancel culture is not real argument because

02:42:46.829 --> 02:42:49.709
they go, he's doing, he's working. It's like,

02:42:49.750 --> 02:42:51.690
all right, you're using the cancel word too literally.

02:42:52.430 --> 02:42:55.629
His life is ruined. He's sad. He's scared. He's

02:42:55.629 --> 02:42:58.649
different now. You go on stage, you're looking

02:42:58.649 --> 02:43:00.690
at people whisper to each other. They're talking

02:43:00.690 --> 02:43:02.979
about the tab. And in your head, you're like,

02:43:03.139 --> 02:43:05.979
they're saying he's explaining to her that I'm

02:43:05.979 --> 02:43:08.000
a piece of shit. Right, right, right. It's mentally

02:43:08.000 --> 02:43:10.399
very damaging to have hundreds of thousands of

02:43:10.399 --> 02:43:12.219
people call you an asshole. Guys, you can't talk

02:43:12.219 --> 02:43:14.440
at the same time. Fair. Oh, sorry, sorry. Go

02:43:14.440 --> 02:43:16.579
ahead. Yeah, but we're fired up. It's character

02:43:16.579 --> 02:43:19.860
assassination more than anything. It's not you

02:43:19.860 --> 02:43:21.739
can't work. You're canceled. You can't work.

02:43:21.860 --> 02:43:24.840
It's like, hey, you're a bad guy, and we all

02:43:24.840 --> 02:43:27.979
say how bad you are. That's canceling. It's like

02:43:27.979 --> 02:43:32.280
you suck as a guy. Yeah, it's a. The Scarlet

02:43:32.280 --> 02:43:35.459
Letter. Right, right. Dylan put a thing up on

02:43:35.459 --> 02:43:38.020
his Instagram when the Louis C .K. thing went

02:43:38.020 --> 02:43:40.299
on, and it was how I became friends with him.

02:43:40.360 --> 02:43:43.860
He said there are a lot of mediocre talents that

02:43:43.860 --> 02:43:46.120
are chiming in on Louis C .K. to try to knock

02:43:46.120 --> 02:43:48.299
him off the high perch because they know that

02:43:48.299 --> 02:43:51.379
he possesses skill and talent as a comedian so

02:43:51.379 --> 02:43:53.340
much better than they'll ever be. It's amazing.

02:43:53.340 --> 02:43:56.440
And so they resent him, and there's part of what's

02:43:56.440 --> 02:43:59.489
going on is like if you look at the most... violent

02:43:59.489 --> 02:44:02.250
of people that were attacking him. They're all

02:44:02.250 --> 02:44:04.909
terrible. There was, like, a bunch of, like,

02:44:04.909 --> 02:44:07.709
really mediocre comics that were going after

02:44:07.709 --> 02:44:09.409
him hard. And I was like, this is interesting.

02:44:09.610 --> 02:44:11.110
And then when Tim Dillon said that, I'm like,

02:44:11.190 --> 02:44:12.690
of course. That's exactly what it is. He nailed

02:44:12.690 --> 02:44:15.489
it. And he was seeing it in New York at the time.

02:44:15.510 --> 02:44:17.010
He was living in New York. Right. And it was

02:44:17.010 --> 02:44:18.950
very hot because, like, Louis would come in and

02:44:18.950 --> 02:44:20.510
he would bump everybody. He would go on whenever

02:44:20.510 --> 02:44:23.270
he wanted. He's the king. He calls in. Louis

02:44:23.270 --> 02:44:24.809
calls in. He does call in. He does call in, actually.

02:44:24.889 --> 02:44:27.309
He would never bump. He calls in. He would be

02:44:27.309 --> 02:44:31.069
on the lineup. He does 15 and he gets off. Beautiful.

02:44:31.069 --> 02:44:33.129
And he does 15. This is now? or this before?

02:44:33.870 --> 02:44:36.170
Definitely now, maybe before. We're talking about

02:44:36.170 --> 02:44:38.069
the, he used to bump people. But even if he bumped,

02:44:38.149 --> 02:44:40.129
he wasn't doing an hour. Yeah, you're right.

02:44:40.129 --> 02:44:40.989
He was doing 15. You're right, you're right.

02:44:41.049 --> 02:44:43.729
But it's not, I'm not saying it as a pejorative.

02:44:43.850 --> 02:44:46.290
It's a positive. To see Louis C .K. at a fucking

02:44:46.290 --> 02:44:48.409
show at the Cellar is a great thing. He wasn't

02:44:48.409 --> 02:44:50.270
the guy that ran the life, did an hour in 45

02:44:50.270 --> 02:44:52.430
minutes. He's there to work on a joke. But the

02:44:52.430 --> 02:44:54.969
point is, these guys all had to watch that happen.

02:44:55.110 --> 02:44:57.750
When a guy shows up and everybody's like, oh,

02:44:57.750 --> 02:45:00.790
it's Louis C .K. You wish it was you. There's

02:45:00.790 --> 02:45:03.229
a thing. When a comic is there and they're on

02:45:03.229 --> 02:45:05.850
their way up and they see a guy who is achieving

02:45:05.850 --> 02:45:09.250
levels of success that are probably never going

02:45:09.250 --> 02:45:12.909
to happen in their life. He's doing giant theater

02:45:12.909 --> 02:45:15.090
shows. He's doing Madison Square Garden. He's

02:45:15.090 --> 02:45:17.690
got a show on FX. He's doing Netflix specials.

02:45:17.709 --> 02:45:20.829
This is Louis fucking CK. And you wish you were

02:45:20.829 --> 02:45:22.969
that big and you wish you were that good. And

02:45:22.969 --> 02:45:24.989
then as soon as something happens with him, those

02:45:24.989 --> 02:45:28.270
are the ones. How do you do that? Shane and I

02:45:28.270 --> 02:45:29.969
talk about this. It's the piling on. It's the,

02:45:30.049 --> 02:45:32.409
oh, you can't fight back, so now we're going

02:45:32.409 --> 02:45:34.430
to pile on. Oh, I never liked the guy anyway.

02:45:34.610 --> 02:45:38.309
Once the green light's on you, green lightism.

02:45:38.469 --> 02:45:40.790
Exactly. The thing is you get to see those people

02:45:40.790 --> 02:45:42.290
who they really are. That's who they really are.

02:45:42.530 --> 02:45:45.850
And it's like most of them are barely comics.

02:45:46.190 --> 02:45:49.309
They're barely comics. They're just like, they're

02:45:49.309 --> 02:45:52.790
okay. They can get by on the perfect night with

02:45:52.790 --> 02:45:54.450
a good crowd with some jokes that don't make

02:45:54.450 --> 02:45:57.090
us laugh, but they're existing in this world.

02:45:57.270 --> 02:46:00.129
They're selling some shows, and they're moving

02:46:00.129 --> 02:46:02.010
some. You know those fucking people. It's never

02:46:02.010 --> 02:46:04.629
getting any better for them. There's a period

02:46:04.629 --> 02:46:07.010
where they've reached peak performance for what

02:46:07.010 --> 02:46:09.809
their brain, what their spirit has to offer.

02:46:10.069 --> 02:46:12.809
That's it. That's all you got, bitch. It's doable.

02:46:12.989 --> 02:46:15.290
Why not get good? Why not try to get good? Because

02:46:15.290 --> 02:46:17.829
they're in their own way. The same reason why

02:46:17.829 --> 02:46:20.120
they want to attack someone like Louis. Not just

02:46:20.120 --> 02:46:23.139
say, hey, I think what he did is wrong, but the

02:46:23.139 --> 02:46:27.340
attack over and over, the constant attacks on

02:46:27.340 --> 02:46:29.399
Twitter, constant attacks on social medias and

02:46:29.399 --> 02:46:32.440
blog entries by comics, a lot of them were piss

02:46:32.440 --> 02:46:36.639
poor. A lot. A lot. Some are also going - That's

02:46:36.639 --> 02:46:40.239
a good number, right? 99%. A lot of comedy struggle

02:46:40.239 --> 02:46:41.719
in general. A lot of them, though, it's like

02:46:41.719 --> 02:46:44.840
- Yeah, comedy's hard. If you weren't being watched,

02:46:45.040 --> 02:46:46.920
meaning you're not publicly tweeting this, if

02:46:46.920 --> 02:46:48.760
you're talking privately, your stance would be

02:46:48.760 --> 02:46:51.260
the most obvious normal take. But since you know

02:46:51.260 --> 02:46:52.979
you're being watched, you're like, let me say

02:46:52.979 --> 02:46:55.379
the opposite of what everyone's saying. It's

02:46:55.379 --> 02:46:57.000
not what you actually believe. What do you mean?

02:46:57.219 --> 02:46:59.079
If you had to - It's performative. Chris Rockwell

02:46:59.079 --> 02:47:01.379
Smith, you'd be like, the easy and most obvious

02:47:01.379 --> 02:47:03.739
take is don't ever hit a performer. Right. Or

02:47:03.739 --> 02:47:04.780
anybody. But then some people are like, well,

02:47:04.959 --> 02:47:06.879
you have to, you know, they try to think of some

02:47:06.879 --> 02:47:08.680
other thing to say because that's too obvious.

02:47:08.920 --> 02:47:11.719
But obvious is not wrong. There's that. But I

02:47:11.719 --> 02:47:14.840
mean, with the Louis C .K. thing, like, there

02:47:14.840 --> 02:47:18.159
was, for sure, there was a whole movement trying

02:47:18.159 --> 02:47:21.959
to move the ladder. You know, whatever your spot

02:47:21.959 --> 02:47:23.659
was on the ladder. Oh, right, to get up ahead.

02:47:23.659 --> 02:47:25.659
There was guys trying to move to get ahead and

02:47:25.659 --> 02:47:28.739
trying to push a lot of these toxic men to the

02:47:28.739 --> 02:47:30.020
side. It happened with DeLeon Cowan. They're

02:47:30.020 --> 02:47:31.520
like, sweet, more spots for us. I saw it from

02:47:31.520 --> 02:47:33.520
the store comics. They're like, sweet, more spots

02:47:33.520 --> 02:47:36.559
for us. There was also, there's a thing about,

02:47:36.600 --> 02:47:39.899
like, you move up. And this is what Tim Dillon

02:47:39.899 --> 02:47:41.680
put on his Instagram post. I was like, I think

02:47:41.680 --> 02:47:43.540
that's exactly what I'm seeing. That's one of

02:47:43.540 --> 02:47:44.899
the things that I didn't like about it. It wasn't

02:47:44.899 --> 02:47:46.979
that like, hey, his behavior is gross. He should

02:47:46.979 --> 02:47:48.520
have never fucking done that, which pretty much

02:47:48.520 --> 02:47:50.659
everybody says, including him. Everybody says

02:47:50.659 --> 02:47:52.700
it, including him. He did say that. That's not

02:47:52.700 --> 02:47:54.420
what it is. He wrote a fucking letter. Yeah.

02:47:54.680 --> 02:47:57.040
That's not what it is. What it is is people that

02:47:57.040 --> 02:48:00.680
see him and they've been watching him murder

02:48:00.680 --> 02:48:03.079
in a way that they can never murder. Oh, nobody

02:48:03.079 --> 02:48:05.059
can. I don't like him, so put me digitally into

02:48:05.059 --> 02:48:09.219
the movie he was already in. You know? No, I

02:48:09.219 --> 02:48:10.940
wasn't a part of this. Tim had a great tweet

02:48:10.940 --> 02:48:12.420
the other day. He was like, stand -up comedy

02:48:12.420 --> 02:48:14.979
in the 80s was this, and then stand -up comedy

02:48:14.979 --> 02:48:17.780
now is like... Vote for your local council person.

02:48:18.180 --> 02:48:21.219
I screenshot it. I was like, that's so good.

02:48:21.280 --> 02:48:23.399
Tim Dillon is a national treasure. There are

02:48:23.399 --> 02:48:26.139
some people that I follow, even comics that I

02:48:26.139 --> 02:48:28.459
follow on Twitter, where I just go check their

02:48:28.459 --> 02:48:31.760
feed just to watch mental illness just spray

02:48:31.760 --> 02:48:36.299
its diarrhea all over the screen. It's wild to

02:48:36.299 --> 02:48:38.399
watch people. There's one guy that I'm friends

02:48:38.399 --> 02:48:42.059
with. He's a nice guy, but he is. The most Democrat

02:48:42.059 --> 02:48:44.360
support. It's like someone who's a Pirates fan,

02:48:44.420 --> 02:48:46.620
Pittsburgh Pirates. And he's like, oh, it's fucking

02:48:46.620 --> 02:48:50.459
go Pirates. The whole thing is like, go Democrats.

02:48:51.200 --> 02:48:54.340
You know you guys suck, right? It's wild. You

02:48:54.340 --> 02:48:56.059
know you guys are going to win 20 games this

02:48:56.059 --> 02:48:57.319
year? I've been in the World Series since Cal

02:48:57.319 --> 02:48:59.219
Ripken was alive. It's like, no, we're the best.

02:48:59.540 --> 02:49:01.420
But you know those guys? That's what he is with

02:49:01.420 --> 02:49:03.319
the Democrats. They'll be like, look at Biden

02:49:03.319 --> 02:49:06.739
kicking ass this week. It's like, bro. He writes

02:49:06.739 --> 02:49:10.700
best period, administration period. Ever. Yeah.

02:49:11.040 --> 02:49:13.540
It's like getting blown out 35 to 7. You're like,

02:49:13.600 --> 02:49:15.680
look at this awesome touchdown we had. Yeah.

02:49:15.959 --> 02:49:18.579
Wow. Politics have become a tribe completely.

02:49:18.899 --> 02:49:21.159
For sure. It used to just be a thing. I know,

02:49:21.159 --> 02:49:23.540
but that was the thing I'm confused about. When

02:49:23.540 --> 02:49:28.680
I was young, it wasn't there. You didn't talk

02:49:28.680 --> 02:49:30.979
about it. It's not my interest. I saw a Dan Quayle

02:49:30.979 --> 02:49:32.739
bumper sticker, and I moved on with my life.

02:49:32.760 --> 02:49:36.200
That was it. I thought that I was just young.

02:49:36.639 --> 02:49:39.180
So now that I'm an adult, I'm like, I guess adults,

02:49:39.319 --> 02:49:41.899
this is what we do. But it's different. Of course

02:49:41.899 --> 02:49:43.879
it's different. But that's the confusing part

02:49:43.879 --> 02:49:46.040
is like, was it always like this when you get

02:49:46.040 --> 02:49:47.780
older? I don't think so. And you're like, we

02:49:47.780 --> 02:49:51.639
got to talk politics? No. I got to go on a date

02:49:51.639 --> 02:49:54.620
and be like, are you a Trump supporter? Do you

02:49:54.620 --> 02:49:57.299
have 10 empty beers over there? It's a 10 -beer

02:49:57.299 --> 02:49:58.540
podcast. We're getting going, dude. We always

02:49:58.540 --> 02:50:00.280
get to chat with him. We're just firing up. What

02:50:00.280 --> 02:50:02.379
time is it? Let's get it going. It's early. We

02:50:02.379 --> 02:50:04.459
got the whole day left. He's got 10 empty beers

02:50:04.459 --> 02:50:06.180
over there. That's what I'm talking about. Shane

02:50:06.180 --> 02:50:10.379
is going to die in his Australian tour. Or he's

02:50:10.379 --> 02:50:12.799
going to kill Australia. What is that? That's

02:50:12.799 --> 02:50:14.399
been going on. What is going on with that watch?

02:50:14.579 --> 02:50:16.780
It goes off every... Time for his insulin. I

02:50:16.780 --> 02:50:19.899
dropped it drunk a week ago, and it's been beeping.

02:50:19.899 --> 02:50:21.840
It goes off constantly. I know. Is that like

02:50:21.840 --> 02:50:25.030
a relic? Yeah, it's a throwback. Do you like

02:50:25.030 --> 02:50:26.729
it because it's cool, because it's old? I just

02:50:26.729 --> 02:50:28.049
like it because it's completely simple. It just

02:50:28.049 --> 02:50:29.530
tells you the time and the date, and I'm good.

02:50:29.729 --> 02:50:31.510
But it beeps all the time. That's not simple.

02:50:31.629 --> 02:50:34.389
That I got to work on. It tells you the time

02:50:34.389 --> 02:50:36.389
and the date. It doesn't ever beep. Well, how

02:50:36.389 --> 02:50:38.469
about you throw out a few omegas over here, huh?

02:50:38.510 --> 02:50:41.250
This is a Seiko. Ah, Seiko. What are you, poor?

02:50:42.010 --> 02:50:43.989
It's a good watch. It's a good watch. I don't

02:50:43.989 --> 02:50:47.899
know Seiko. I should beat your ass. Why? Solid

02:50:47.899 --> 02:50:50.219
watch. What the fuck are you talking about? I

02:50:50.219 --> 02:50:52.100
don't know, Seiko. The troops wore them in Vietnam.

02:50:52.260 --> 02:50:55.739
Here's the best conversation. Could a monk protect

02:50:55.739 --> 02:50:59.000
our parks? Yeah. Which is funny. You get a little

02:50:59.000 --> 02:51:01.459
drunk, you go, protect our parks. That's us.

02:51:01.479 --> 02:51:02.899
It sounds like a wiper right now. Protect our

02:51:02.899 --> 02:51:05.680
parks. It really does sound like a wiper, Alex.

02:51:05.680 --> 02:51:08.280
They're amazing parks. A lot of great parks,

02:51:08.440 --> 02:51:10.700
these guys. They're protecting. Some become jails.

02:51:12.079 --> 02:51:15.729
Could protect our parks. Fight Joe Rogan. That

02:51:15.729 --> 02:51:18.309
was my favorite conversation. Us three? Yes.

02:51:18.329 --> 02:51:22.469
First him? Dude, he would wail on us. We'd get

02:51:22.469 --> 02:51:23.829
him down. We'd have to get him down. If I get

02:51:23.829 --> 02:51:26.370
the junk, I can get the junk. No, this is the

02:51:26.370 --> 02:51:28.709
exact point. And the butthole. This is the point.

02:51:28.790 --> 02:51:30.969
I got a finger in there. He'll squirm like a

02:51:30.969 --> 02:51:33.629
fat pig. Just stare at him laughingly until he

02:51:33.629 --> 02:51:36.069
walks away. My butthole is so tight. I could

02:51:36.069 --> 02:51:39.930
get in there. I got lube on me. We're all one

02:51:39.930 --> 02:51:42.860
bunch. We're all one punch. But if we go together.

02:51:43.219 --> 02:51:45.879
But the problem is if Joe slapped us once, I'm

02:51:45.879 --> 02:51:51.889
like, I quit. Enjoy it. No quitting. What would

02:51:51.889 --> 02:51:55.209
you have done if Will Smith smacked you? Whatever

02:51:55.209 --> 02:51:57.950
his name was. If you, in an alternative universe,

02:51:58.149 --> 02:52:01.069
if you're doing comedy at the Oscars, and you

02:52:01.069 --> 02:52:03.229
tell a joke. He would say some shit, because

02:52:03.229 --> 02:52:04.649
what do you got to lose? You're not going back

02:52:04.649 --> 02:52:06.989
to the Oscars. It is weird, because I've opened

02:52:06.989 --> 02:52:08.770
for you a lot. They would literally just be like,

02:52:08.889 --> 02:52:11.909
where's Roy Wood? When I had hecklers go, I'd

02:52:11.909 --> 02:52:14.190
be like, this is not my show. To be able to go

02:52:14.190 --> 02:52:15.790
off on this and just kind of weird the room.

02:52:16.170 --> 02:52:18.670
So the Oscars is times a thousand. Oh, right.

02:52:18.850 --> 02:52:20.489
But if it's not the... I mean, I have been slapped.

02:52:21.049 --> 02:52:23.129
I have been slapped. Immediately you start making

02:52:23.129 --> 02:52:24.889
fun of the guy slapping. You have a weapon. You're

02:52:24.889 --> 02:52:26.530
not going to be drawn into violence. Have you

02:52:26.530 --> 02:52:29.170
ever been slapped on stage? No, I've been rushed

02:52:29.170 --> 02:52:31.110
on stage. Me too. I've had bottles thrown at

02:52:31.110 --> 02:52:34.030
me. Tell them that. You heard that? You told

02:52:34.030 --> 02:52:36.489
me. I told you that? Last night. I told you what?

02:52:37.030 --> 02:52:40.170
Sorry. What? Oh, sorry. Norman's got a great...

02:52:40.350 --> 02:52:42.389
I don't know. Don't build it up. No, it's good,

02:52:42.430 --> 02:52:44.690
dude. What happened? Hartford Funnybone. I got

02:52:44.690 --> 02:52:47.530
a guy, like a fat Comic -Con motherfucker in

02:52:47.530 --> 02:52:50.569
the front row. Like, Spider -Man shirt. So good.

02:52:50.569 --> 02:52:54.530
Bad hat. Floppy hat. Weird facial hair. And he

02:52:54.530 --> 02:52:57.350
was like... Bald? Yeah. Like, he was doing the...

02:52:57.350 --> 02:53:01.739
You suck. That joke sucked. You should quit.

02:53:01.840 --> 02:53:04.059
You're bad. He was saying it to me. He was in

02:53:04.059 --> 02:53:05.639
the front row and no one else could hear him.

02:53:05.899 --> 02:53:07.340
So I was like, all right, this guy's just being

02:53:07.340 --> 02:53:09.799
a dick. He's trying to poke me. And he was getting

02:53:09.799 --> 02:53:11.719
to me. And I kept ignoring because I was doing

02:53:11.719 --> 02:53:13.940
well with the rest of the room. He was sitting

02:53:13.940 --> 02:53:17.030
alone. And eventually I just snapped. It's like

02:53:17.030 --> 02:53:19.250
30 minutes of it. I couldn't take it. I go, fuck

02:53:19.250 --> 02:53:21.270
you, you piece of shit. You're a virgin. Look

02:53:21.270 --> 02:53:23.110
at you. You suck. You're fat. You're gross. Whatever.

02:53:23.569 --> 02:53:25.010
And the rest of the room's like, what are you

02:53:25.010 --> 02:53:26.870
doing? Why are you meeting this guy? Because

02:53:26.870 --> 02:53:28.530
they didn't know. They didn't know. So they turned

02:53:28.530 --> 02:53:30.969
on me. But I just was like, fuck it. I'm going

02:53:30.969 --> 02:53:33.090
all in on this guy. And I called him a virgin.

02:53:33.629 --> 02:53:36.610
And that, he snapped. That? Because I think he

02:53:36.610 --> 02:53:40.420
was. Oh. And so he's like, bye. And he just lost

02:53:40.420 --> 02:53:43.579
it, and he comes on stage, and I kicked him when

02:53:43.579 --> 02:53:45.959
he was on the second step. Good, good. Because

02:53:45.959 --> 02:53:49.360
I could take this guy. I'm not a tough guy, but

02:53:49.360 --> 02:53:51.219
this guy I can take. He was super out of shape.

02:53:51.280 --> 02:53:53.340
He was super doughy. He's had cargo shorts. He

02:53:53.340 --> 02:53:55.280
looked like Kevin Smith. And I was like, I got

02:53:55.280 --> 02:53:58.680
this guy. And I kicked him, and it pushed him

02:53:58.680 --> 02:54:01.299
back, and then they grabbed him. But that was

02:54:01.299 --> 02:54:03.360
it. Good. Lucky they had better security than

02:54:03.360 --> 02:54:06.540
the fucking Oscars. I know. Also, no security.

02:54:07.040 --> 02:54:09.600
Props to that dude. It's so funny to go to a

02:54:09.600 --> 02:54:11.079
show and just sit in the front row and be like,

02:54:11.200 --> 02:54:14.459
you suck. Yeah, he got me. You're encouraging

02:54:14.459 --> 02:54:17.879
that. You're 11 beers in, and you're encouraging

02:54:17.879 --> 02:54:20.399
violence. I mean, that's a wild dude. I support

02:54:20.399 --> 02:54:23.299
Will Smith. I support R. Kelly. I support that

02:54:23.299 --> 02:54:26.420
dude. Real talk. There's a mansion under the

02:54:26.420 --> 02:54:28.360
sink. Yeah, sit in the front row and be like,

02:54:28.540 --> 02:54:32.819
oh, my God, this guy sucks. Like, just so funny,

02:54:32.899 --> 02:54:35.440
dude. There's a mansion in the cabinet. Yeah,

02:54:35.459 --> 02:54:37.600
dude. He got me good. You ever see the Miss Pat

02:54:37.600 --> 02:54:40.879
video? No. It's on her phone. What do you mean?

02:54:41.200 --> 02:54:43.319
So it's not up. You got to ask her to see it.

02:54:43.379 --> 02:54:45.620
Oh, shit. What is it? She's going off on some

02:54:45.620 --> 02:54:49.159
open mic or at a show, I think in Indianapolis.

02:54:49.239 --> 02:54:50.260
It might have been Crackers. It might have been

02:54:50.260 --> 02:54:52.940
somewhere else. And he's talking shit. He's like,

02:54:52.979 --> 02:54:54.620
come up here and say that bitch. And Miss Pat,

02:54:54.780 --> 02:54:57.280
you know, she's a fucking legit warrior. And

02:54:57.280 --> 02:55:00.360
he comes on. She rips her wig off. Oh, shit.

02:55:00.540 --> 02:55:04.739
He goes, I will. He takes one step up and she

02:55:04.739 --> 02:55:08.139
just punches him off stage. Oh, my God. That

02:55:08.139 --> 02:55:10.909
step was enough to be like, this is you. Escalating.

02:55:10.909 --> 02:55:13.450
Of course. Let's go. That's a capital ride. Fuck

02:55:13.450 --> 02:55:16.290
that. She takes her wig off. That's serious shit.

02:55:16.969 --> 02:55:20.489
Holy shit. Miss Pat is the last person. You don't

02:55:20.489 --> 02:55:22.270
want to fuck with Miss Pat. She's been shot.

02:55:22.530 --> 02:55:26.110
She's been shot. She got shot in her tit. She

02:55:26.110 --> 02:55:29.649
talks about it. Blew her nipple off. Damn. Did

02:55:29.649 --> 02:55:31.950
milk go everywhere? Miss Pat is one of the funniest

02:55:31.950 --> 02:55:34.030
human beings that's ever lived. That's wild.

02:55:34.389 --> 02:55:37.450
God damn, she's funny. She said that before anybody

02:55:37.450 --> 02:55:39.510
knew. Justice Millette Lyon. I'm like, wait,

02:55:39.569 --> 02:55:41.149
what? We did a This Is Not Happening show. Right

02:55:41.149 --> 02:55:43.770
away. At the store. And I was like, wait, what

02:55:43.770 --> 02:55:45.229
are you talking about? Shut up. It's back. It's

02:55:45.229 --> 02:55:46.209
crazy. What are you talking about? There was

02:55:46.209 --> 02:55:47.809
a lot of people who were skeptical. She goes,

02:55:47.909 --> 02:55:50.950
who's going to wear a ski mask and a hat on top

02:55:50.950 --> 02:55:53.069
of it? Number one. Number two, how are you going

02:55:53.069 --> 02:55:55.950
to get name brand bleach for a hate crime? You

02:55:55.950 --> 02:55:59.069
don't get name brand bleach. That's great. How

02:55:59.069 --> 02:56:00.629
about the fact that he showed up at the hotel

02:56:00.629 --> 02:56:02.989
with a noose still around his neck? Ugh. Oof.

02:56:03.479 --> 02:56:05.680
He kept the noose. Look what happened to me.

02:56:05.979 --> 02:56:07.940
Wouldn't the first thing you do once you get

02:56:07.940 --> 02:56:09.780
free is take that fucking noose off your neck?

02:56:10.100 --> 02:56:12.280
It's so bad. What's -her -name had the best quote

02:56:12.280 --> 02:56:15.860
about it, the writer. J .K. Rowling. No, no.

02:56:16.120 --> 02:56:18.959
She wrote for Playboy for a while. I think she's

02:56:18.959 --> 02:56:21.340
been on here. Bridget Phetasy? Bridget Phetasy.

02:56:21.520 --> 02:56:23.479
Oh, she's fun. Justice Smollett is what happened

02:56:23.479 --> 02:56:25.420
when you let the actors write the script. That's

02:56:25.420 --> 02:56:28.780
exactly it. That's exactly it. That is 100 %

02:56:28.780 --> 02:56:30.639
it. Hey, now that we're talking Justice Smollett.

02:56:31.239 --> 02:56:34.899
UTA. You know those guys? Yeah. That agency,

02:56:35.159 --> 02:56:37.680
UTA. That stands with everyone. Yeah, they fired

02:56:37.680 --> 02:56:43.120
me and kept Jussie Smollett. Still? I don't think

02:56:43.120 --> 02:56:45.799
now. I'm sure now they're like... After the conviction.

02:56:46.079 --> 02:56:48.139
He ain't working, so we can't get anything out

02:56:48.139 --> 02:56:49.639
of him. They're all such fucking phonies. Does

02:56:49.639 --> 02:56:52.399
he ever work again? Can someone like that ever

02:56:52.399 --> 02:56:54.979
work again? I think yes, because people still

02:56:54.979 --> 02:56:57.100
think you did something right. In their mind,

02:56:57.219 --> 02:56:58.579
they're like... Nobody thinks he did anything

02:56:58.579 --> 02:57:00.979
right. He faked a hate crime. He's got to have

02:57:00.979 --> 02:57:04.540
so little support. I'm sure there's some dummies

02:57:04.540 --> 02:57:07.799
out there that are on his side. What's the number?

02:57:07.899 --> 02:57:11.079
Is it 1 %? I mean, 1 % is enough. You've got

02:57:11.079 --> 02:57:12.479
a million people. That's a lot of fucking people.

02:57:12.479 --> 02:57:14.299
You've got to do a podcast, but you can't be

02:57:14.299 --> 02:57:18.180
on like a TV show. Could he do the podcast where

02:57:18.180 --> 02:57:20.260
he just, like, he tells stories? Tell stories.

02:57:20.440 --> 02:57:23.860
Telling stories with Jussie Smollett. That'd

02:57:23.860 --> 02:57:27.360
be a good podcast. At one time, I skydived without

02:57:27.360 --> 02:57:30.239
a parachute while I was skydiving. Some racist

02:57:30.239 --> 02:57:34.659
hawk. He flew right into my parachute, that motherfucker.

02:57:35.639 --> 02:57:38.700
I mean, how does a guy like that come back? How

02:57:38.700 --> 02:57:41.049
do you come back from something like that? Where

02:57:41.049 --> 02:57:44.709
you get arrested for faking a crime and they

02:57:44.709 --> 02:57:46.129
put you in jail. He maintains his innocence.

02:57:46.290 --> 02:57:48.610
I never met those guys. I never met those guys

02:57:48.610 --> 02:57:52.309
who worked on my show. That's what he said? He

02:57:52.309 --> 02:57:53.870
didn't say they worked on my show because I never

02:57:53.870 --> 02:57:56.690
met them. Wasn't he dating one of the guys? He

02:57:56.690 --> 02:57:59.030
said they did drugs and whacked off together.

02:57:59.370 --> 02:58:01.329
Oh, that's good enough. Which is like... Close

02:58:01.329 --> 02:58:04.870
to dating. That's a long -term relationship in

02:58:04.870 --> 02:58:12.120
the gay community. Such a funny thing to throw

02:58:12.120 --> 02:58:15.879
on dudes you already incriminated. Also, they're

02:58:15.879 --> 02:58:20.360
gay, too. The Kevin Spacey defense. You're one

02:58:20.360 --> 02:58:22.219
of those guys, you're like, bro, you fucked my

02:58:22.219 --> 02:58:24.360
whole life up. Does that guy ever come back?

02:58:24.500 --> 02:58:28.500
Kevin Spacey ever comes back? He's so good. He's

02:58:28.500 --> 02:58:30.940
so good. He's so good. He's so good. Go back

02:58:30.940 --> 02:58:32.760
and watch the fucking first season of House of

02:58:32.760 --> 02:58:36.579
Cards. What about the secret movie where he played

02:58:36.579 --> 02:58:38.200
a... Different characters? Kaiser Sosa? Kaiser

02:58:38.200 --> 02:58:39.440
Sosa. I mean, it never gets better than that.

02:58:39.440 --> 02:58:40.899
Oh, my God. The secret movie. Usual suspects.

02:58:41.399 --> 02:58:44.420
Usual suspects. The secret movie. The secret

02:58:44.420 --> 02:58:47.239
movie. I knew what it was. You knew what it was.

02:58:47.280 --> 02:58:49.340
Yeah, of course. How about fucking when he was

02:58:49.340 --> 02:58:54.530
in Seven? Happy Sunday, folks. Won't take up

02:58:54.530 --> 02:58:56.489
too much of your time here. Did you know that

02:58:56.489 --> 02:58:59.649
Jussie's story has been fully corroborated by

02:58:59.649 --> 02:59:05.870
two independent witnesses who've never met or

02:59:05.870 --> 02:59:09.450
had any affiliation with him? Did you know that

02:59:09.450 --> 02:59:12.870
the Office of Special Prosecutors, hashtag Sean

02:59:12.870 --> 02:59:18.770
Weaver, committed prosecutorial misconduct by

02:59:19.250 --> 02:59:21.790
Pressuring multiple witnesses to change their

02:59:21.790 --> 02:59:25.209
story? Jussie's story has never, all caps, changed.

02:59:25.510 --> 02:59:28.090
That's all I needed to see. That's all I needed

02:59:28.090 --> 02:59:31.170
to see, dude. Free him. Free him. Who's India

02:59:31.170 --> 02:59:33.930
Moore who's free Jussie? But right away, someone

02:59:33.930 --> 02:59:36.409
writes free Jussie. Who's that? Who's India Moore?

02:59:36.469 --> 02:59:40.909
She's blinked or whatever. 1 .6 million? Yeah,

02:59:40.909 --> 02:59:43.030
she's hot as shit. Who's this person? Good looking

02:59:43.030 --> 02:59:47.750
lady. She's four times as big as me. That is

02:59:47.750 --> 02:59:51.200
wild. Free Jussie. Better looking than Jada.

02:59:51.319 --> 02:59:53.440
Do you think she's an actress? Yeah. Yeah, she's

02:59:53.440 --> 02:59:55.100
got Jussie in there. Yeah, she's probably an

02:59:55.100 --> 02:59:58.600
actress. Maybe it's her brother. Maybe. Who knows?

02:59:59.180 --> 03:00:01.319
Actors and actresses are out of their fucking

03:00:01.319 --> 03:00:05.340
minds. Out of their minds. So is he free? I think

03:00:05.340 --> 03:00:07.079
he is now. 150 days he got. He's out? No, no,

03:00:07.079 --> 03:00:08.319
he's out already. How many days did he get? They

03:00:08.319 --> 03:00:09.819
let him out early. Really? Yeah, they let him

03:00:09.819 --> 03:00:11.520
out real early. Remember the prosecutor was like,

03:00:11.579 --> 03:00:13.959
we're not going to go through with this? And

03:00:13.959 --> 03:00:16.440
everyone was like, why? He lied. Yeah. And they

03:00:16.440 --> 03:00:19.030
made him go back. It cost the city. A million

03:00:19.030 --> 03:00:23.909
dollars? The Manhunt. So he's out. I guarantee

03:00:23.909 --> 03:00:25.690
he's out. He was supposed to do a bunch of time,

03:00:25.709 --> 03:00:28.350
and he got out within a few days on appeal. So

03:00:28.350 --> 03:00:31.350
he's on appeal right now. So maybe if he loses

03:00:31.350 --> 03:00:32.930
the appeal, he has to go in for the rest of the

03:00:32.930 --> 03:00:35.790
150 days. The rich get richer. He's fucked. Like,

03:00:35.829 --> 03:00:37.809
how do you make a living now? If you're a guy

03:00:37.809 --> 03:00:39.909
who's a public—he was great in that Alien movie.

03:00:40.329 --> 03:00:42.209
Hey, can we— Alien movie. Covenant. He was in

03:00:42.209 --> 03:00:44.370
Covenant. He was great in Mighty Ducks. He was

03:00:44.370 --> 03:00:47.030
in Mighty Ducks? Yeah. Who was he? Duck? He was

03:00:47.030 --> 03:00:50.180
a young man. Can we mention how awesome? He got

03:00:50.180 --> 03:00:53.540
checked by two white guys. Into the glass. The

03:00:53.540 --> 03:00:58.780
Bash Brothers got him. What are those Nigerians

03:00:58.780 --> 03:01:00.659
doing? Are they still around, the guys he hired?

03:01:00.719 --> 03:01:05.739
They're selling weed in Beijing. They're on OnlyFans,

03:01:05.780 --> 03:01:08.739
jacking off. They were hot. Can we say how awesome

03:01:08.739 --> 03:01:10.979
it was that one of the greatest comics of all

03:01:10.979 --> 03:01:15.399
time? Mr. Louis C .K. won a Grammy for best album

03:01:15.399 --> 03:01:18.940
of the year. And Twitter imploded, I heard. Nah,

03:01:19.000 --> 03:01:21.959
fuck that. Everybody realized how amazing it

03:01:21.959 --> 03:01:23.940
was that a great comic put out a great special

03:01:23.940 --> 03:01:26.000
and won an award. Finally, someone who deserves

03:01:26.000 --> 03:01:28.040
it won an award for an amazing thing. You know

03:01:28.040 --> 03:01:31.100
what's funny? I never got them. Yeah, I don't

03:01:31.100 --> 03:01:35.440
get it. What was funny is it's like, oh, the

03:01:35.440 --> 03:01:39.129
voting's anonymous. That's why he won. Is that

03:01:39.129 --> 03:01:41.629
right? Oh, yeah. The voting's anonymous. Everybody

03:01:41.629 --> 03:01:44.170
got in there and was like, actually, this special

03:01:44.170 --> 03:01:45.969
killed. Definitely the best. It's a good special.

03:01:46.129 --> 03:01:47.510
It was a great special. The last special was

03:01:47.510 --> 03:01:50.870
very funny. Dude, the intro when he walks out

03:01:50.870 --> 03:01:54.549
to fucking Bob Dylan and the sorry's on there

03:01:54.549 --> 03:01:56.229
and he just walks. It's like, dude. It's amazing.

03:01:56.469 --> 03:01:59.489
Suck my dick. I think he won for sincerely. What?

03:01:59.590 --> 03:02:02.450
No, it was sorry. Sorry. Really? Yeah, sorry.

03:02:02.670 --> 03:02:04.209
It's called sorry. I thought it was sincerely.

03:02:04.370 --> 03:02:07.260
Oh, wait. He won for Sincerely? Oh, a different

03:02:07.260 --> 03:02:09.020
special? I think so. He won for the last one?

03:02:09.079 --> 03:02:12.200
Oh, yeah. This past one. The most recent is Sorry.

03:02:12.399 --> 03:02:14.260
I know. I think he won for the one before that.

03:02:14.280 --> 03:02:16.500
No, he was nominated for the one before that.

03:02:16.680 --> 03:02:19.260
Really? I don't think he won. That was last year.

03:02:19.299 --> 03:02:20.659
The nomination was new. Sincerely, Louis C .K.

03:02:20.719 --> 03:02:23.180
won. Sincerely won? Sincerely, Louis C .K. won.

03:02:23.239 --> 03:02:24.799
Thank you. Holy shit. Wait, that was recorded

03:02:24.799 --> 03:02:28.379
before COVID. That's last year, so he still has

03:02:28.379 --> 03:02:29.959
a chance to win next year. Sorry's going to win.

03:02:30.260 --> 03:02:32.600
Sorry's better. Sorry's better than Sincerely.

03:02:32.600 --> 03:02:34.479
Wait, wait, wait. He won for the one he recorded

03:02:34.479 --> 03:02:40.290
in... In 2020? Yes. Wow. That's how they do it.

03:02:40.530 --> 03:02:43.530
No, they do the awards for 2021. Well, whatever.

03:02:43.690 --> 03:02:47.190
They present in 2021, but it's all the shit from

03:02:47.190 --> 03:02:50.159
the year before. It is 2022. This was a weird

03:02:50.159 --> 03:02:51.879
year because I don't think they did the Grammys.

03:02:51.979 --> 03:02:55.260
Two years ago. Yeah. Oh, okay. Damn, he won one

03:02:55.260 --> 03:02:57.280
sincerely? What's interesting is that one was

03:02:57.280 --> 03:02:58.979
good, but it's not as good as this one. Sorry

03:02:58.979 --> 03:03:02.260
is one of the best specials he's ever done. I

03:03:02.260 --> 03:03:04.620
agree. That's great. Dude, it's amazing. And

03:03:04.620 --> 03:03:07.739
he seems like free. He seems free. Right. You

03:03:07.739 --> 03:03:08.959
know what I'm saying? It seems like he's 100

03:03:08.959 --> 03:03:10.340
% free. He said everybody needs to get canceled,

03:03:10.440 --> 03:03:12.159
you'll be a real fucking comic after that. He

03:03:12.159 --> 03:03:14.000
didn't say the last part, but he goes everybody

03:03:14.000 --> 03:03:15.959
needs to get canceled. Interesting. Just get

03:03:15.959 --> 03:03:18.299
it over with. Yeah. Then nothing will hold you

03:03:18.299 --> 03:03:22.440
back. You're not worried. Would you agree? Because

03:03:22.440 --> 03:03:27.000
it's not fun. It's not a great thing. No, it's

03:03:27.000 --> 03:03:28.819
bullying. It's mean. Shit stinks. That's what

03:03:28.819 --> 03:03:32.260
it was. But, yeah. The stuff that got in this

03:03:32.260 --> 03:03:34.379
award show was stuff that came out. Damn, he

03:03:34.379 --> 03:03:36.040
won on Sincerely. He's definitely going to win

03:03:36.040 --> 03:03:38.420
on Sorry. No. Someone has to come out right now.

03:03:38.420 --> 03:03:40.860
He's on Sorry. He's not going to get another

03:03:40.860 --> 03:03:42.840
one. He'll get back to back, dude. Sorry was

03:03:42.840 --> 03:03:46.260
the best special. Yeah. Dude. Yeah. If he gets

03:03:46.260 --> 03:03:47.959
back to back. That's not how it works. But what

03:03:47.959 --> 03:03:50.219
do you mean? If it's fucking the best. I don't

03:03:50.219 --> 03:03:51.239
think. They don't think like that. They have

03:03:51.239 --> 03:03:52.360
a bunch of them. They don't think like that.

03:03:52.479 --> 03:03:53.559
They're like, oh, we're going to give it to this

03:03:53.559 --> 03:03:54.600
guy. Why do we care what they think? You think

03:03:54.600 --> 03:03:57.100
The Departed is the best Scorsese movie? Why

03:03:57.100 --> 03:03:59.700
do we care? Why do we care about the Emmys? They

03:03:59.700 --> 03:04:03.200
are so not our people. They are so not our people.

03:04:03.260 --> 03:04:04.600
They're not our people. The idea that we care

03:04:04.600 --> 03:04:06.780
who wins the Emmys is so crazy. Yeah, yeah. Who

03:04:06.780 --> 03:04:08.579
gives a fuck? Did you ever see Kill Tony's poster?

03:04:08.760 --> 03:04:11.500
It said who actually won the Grammy. Pull up

03:04:11.500 --> 03:04:13.399
the Kill Tony poster. You need to see this because

03:04:13.399 --> 03:04:14.840
it's fucking crazy. Here's why I never liked

03:04:14.840 --> 03:04:16.659
the Grammys because they never once nominated

03:04:16.659 --> 03:04:19.719
like Kyle Kinane. It was only celebrities. It's

03:04:19.719 --> 03:04:22.239
only celebrities ever. They got Nate Bargatze,

03:04:22.280 --> 03:04:24.020
which was nice. That's great. But yeah, you're

03:04:24.020 --> 03:04:26.559
right. Look at this Kill Tony poster. That's

03:04:26.559 --> 03:04:29.059
true. Grammy Awards won by Queen, zero. Diana

03:04:29.059 --> 03:04:31.659
Ross, zero. Jimi Hendrix, zero. Snoop Dogg, zero.

03:04:31.840 --> 03:04:34.760
Hillary Clinton, one. Awards are pointless. Kill

03:04:34.760 --> 03:04:37.360
Tony isn't. Watch this. That's great. Well done.

03:04:38.020 --> 03:04:43.120
What did Hillary win for? Rap? Hip hop? Her murder

03:04:43.120 --> 03:04:48.440
compilation. Real talk. Super predators. Don't

03:04:48.440 --> 03:04:52.879
you think I got enough bullshit on my mind? She

03:04:52.879 --> 03:04:56.239
won for best spoken word album. Oh, my God. It

03:04:56.239 --> 03:05:00.760
takes a village. Oh, boy. Grammy Awards of 1997.

03:05:01.059 --> 03:05:05.479
Jesus Christ. 97, dude. That was after Monica

03:05:05.479 --> 03:05:07.299
Lewinsky. That was Monica Lewinsky. You see?

03:05:07.379 --> 03:05:09.280
That's how they think. We'll give her one after

03:05:09.280 --> 03:05:11.579
that. Yeah, let's get her a trophy because that

03:05:11.579 --> 03:05:13.600
was traumatic as hell. She went through some

03:05:13.600 --> 03:05:16.899
shit. Yeah, that's brutal. Poor gal. Yeah. You

03:05:16.899 --> 03:05:19.700
watch that FX thing about Clinton? I didn't.

03:05:19.899 --> 03:05:22.360
It was good, dude. Yeah, FX kills it. The same

03:05:22.360 --> 03:05:25.860
one as, like, The People vs. O .J. Yeah, that

03:05:25.860 --> 03:05:29.459
was great, too. Assassination of Versace. Those

03:05:29.459 --> 03:05:32.059
are incredible. They did a fucking documentary,

03:05:32.239 --> 03:05:35.040
like a show, not a documentary. Biopic? Yeah,

03:05:35.100 --> 03:05:38.180
biopic -type shit about... Docu -series. Yeah,

03:05:38.239 --> 03:05:40.819
about... Sarah Paulson got threatened after she

03:05:40.819 --> 03:05:42.719
said something about... Sarah Paulson's impeachment,

03:05:43.159 --> 03:05:45.799
an American crime story. Yeah, it was very good.

03:05:45.979 --> 03:05:48.420
What happened with Sarah Paulson? After Kobe,

03:05:48.659 --> 03:05:50.120
Michael Rappaport went after her hard and she

03:05:50.120 --> 03:05:51.559
got threatened to the point where she had to

03:05:51.559 --> 03:05:53.719
delete her Twitter. What? Because she said like,

03:05:53.799 --> 03:05:55.579
hey, it might be true that he's a great man and

03:05:55.579 --> 03:05:57.739
also he might have committed rape. Both things

03:05:57.739 --> 03:06:00.100
can be true. And Rappaport went after her hard.

03:06:01.979 --> 03:06:06.260
This was about Kobe. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Well, there

03:06:06.260 --> 03:06:08.280
was a lot of those girls. The other one, the

03:06:08.280 --> 03:06:12.639
one from Westworld. What's her name? Sarah Paulson.

03:06:12.760 --> 03:06:15.129
No, no, no. The other one. A different girl from

03:06:15.129 --> 03:06:16.790
Westworld? Yeah. Erin Rachel Wood? Yes, that

03:06:16.790 --> 03:06:18.590
one. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Didn't she go after

03:06:18.590 --> 03:06:21.329
him? Same thing. She's the one who said that.

03:06:21.409 --> 03:06:23.510
It was Erin Rachel Wood. Yeah, it was her. She

03:06:23.510 --> 03:06:27.770
said that. Yeah. What is this? It was good, dude.

03:06:27.889 --> 03:06:30.700
That's the show? FX. That's Hillary? I guess.

03:06:31.000 --> 03:06:35.600
No, no, no. That's Linda Tripp. By the way, John

03:06:35.600 --> 03:06:38.500
Goodman played her on SNL in the 90s, and it

03:06:38.500 --> 03:06:41.219
was so insulting. It was normal. They show it.

03:06:41.239 --> 03:06:43.739
They show it on there where she's sitting down

03:06:43.739 --> 03:06:47.239
watching SNL and being with her. She's devastated.

03:06:47.639 --> 03:06:49.840
Of course. Obviously. But that shit flew back

03:06:49.840 --> 03:06:53.200
then. It is crazy that they all called Monica

03:06:53.200 --> 03:06:55.440
Lewinsky a fucking whore. I know. You mean my

03:06:55.440 --> 03:06:57.920
boss tried to have sex with me? Yeah, I'm a 23

03:06:57.920 --> 03:07:00.000
-year -old and the president wanted me to suck

03:07:00.000 --> 03:07:02.579
his dick? She got screwed on that. That's Jonah

03:07:02.579 --> 03:07:06.579
Hill's... Sister. Whoa. Yeah, it looks like Jonah

03:07:06.579 --> 03:07:08.600
Hill. I think she was 20. I think Monica Lewinsky

03:07:08.600 --> 03:07:11.760
was 20. Yeah, hell yeah, dude. Obviously, you're

03:07:11.760 --> 03:07:13.280
going to get a head from a fat 20 -year -old.

03:07:13.319 --> 03:07:15.700
Well, not only that. Obviously, if you're a 20

03:07:15.700 --> 03:07:17.159
-year -old, you get a chance. Who's not doing

03:07:17.159 --> 03:07:19.440
that, dude? I like a full -figured girl. I can't

03:07:19.440 --> 03:07:22.120
do Clinton. If you're a young single girl. Wrong

03:07:22.120 --> 03:07:27.799
president. Hillary? Or Bill? Bill. Full -figured?

03:07:27.899 --> 03:07:30.659
It's kind of breasty. I can do Bill. Big juke

03:07:30.659 --> 03:07:33.500
globes. Go ahead. I only flew with him 26 times.

03:07:35.780 --> 03:07:38.739
He's a good guy. He's got a good plane. I'd have

03:07:38.739 --> 03:07:41.180
to listen to him. If I listened to him, I could

03:07:41.180 --> 03:07:43.920
do him better. Don, what do you think of Bill's

03:07:43.920 --> 03:07:47.180
pussy? Not good. He sounds like an idiot. Everybody

03:07:47.180 --> 03:07:53.520
heard it. I only flew with him 26 times. That's

03:07:53.520 --> 03:07:55.780
it. It's more of a this. Do Biden real quick.

03:07:58.299 --> 03:08:01.819
What? Come on, man. Kyle Dunnigan's Biden is

03:08:01.819 --> 03:08:03.219
the greatest fucking thing the world's ever known.

03:08:03.219 --> 03:08:05.500
It's so good. So funny. It's so good. That show

03:08:05.500 --> 03:08:08.100
that he does with Kurt is one of the best fucking

03:08:08.100 --> 03:08:09.879
sketch things he's ever done. It's so good, dude.

03:08:09.959 --> 03:08:12.620
It's amazing. So good. I went over there, and

03:08:12.620 --> 03:08:15.280
they were like, so I was in L .A. doing shows,

03:08:15.379 --> 03:08:17.860
and Kurt hit me up and was like, you got to come

03:08:17.860 --> 03:08:19.780
over and do a sketch. I was like, of course.

03:08:20.350 --> 03:08:21.750
I get over there, like, all right, let's go.

03:08:22.010 --> 03:08:24.229
Like, as soon as I walked in the door, they're

03:08:24.229 --> 03:08:26.750
like, we're doing a Zoom call. I was like, okay.

03:08:27.110 --> 03:08:29.729
No hello? Dude, it was crazy. And then you get

03:08:29.729 --> 03:08:32.290
into Kyle's house, and it's like a fucking hellhole.

03:08:33.530 --> 03:08:35.790
And it's crazy. What do you mean? Like, what

03:08:35.790 --> 03:08:40.420
way? I'm talking, like, fucking. Unfinished struts

03:08:40.420 --> 03:08:42.959
in the fucking living room are just hanging out.

03:08:43.059 --> 03:08:45.559
There's no drywall. There's just shit everywhere.

03:08:45.959 --> 03:08:47.159
Really? And they're like, all right, let's go.

03:08:47.319 --> 03:08:50.680
Oh, dude, it's chaos. He's a mad genius. He is.

03:08:50.819 --> 03:08:54.899
So is Kurt. They're both insane geniuses. They

03:08:54.899 --> 03:08:57.719
made Inside Amy Schumer the greatness that it

03:08:57.719 --> 03:08:59.659
was the first two years. Yeah, got an Emmy. Yeah,

03:08:59.719 --> 03:09:02.000
when it was like those two guys writing, it was

03:09:02.000 --> 03:09:04.379
like, this thing can't be stopped. Thank God

03:09:04.379 --> 03:09:07.139
they found each other and connected. Those two

03:09:07.139 --> 03:09:10.200
are... I mean, it's ridiculous. Yeah. They're

03:09:10.200 --> 03:09:13.219
so fucking good. Some of the sketches. The Nancy

03:09:13.219 --> 03:09:17.299
Pelosi one they did. The bitch is here. She's

03:09:17.299 --> 03:09:19.899
got skeleton hands. She rubs them together and

03:09:19.899 --> 03:09:23.840
starts a fire. That's comedy. When you watch

03:09:23.840 --> 03:09:25.399
it, you're like, oh yeah, this is what comedy

03:09:25.399 --> 03:09:27.280
used to be. I'm going to jingle my jewels in

03:09:27.280 --> 03:09:30.739
your face. You'll love it. Bill Maher shit. Bill

03:09:30.739 --> 03:09:36.260
Maher hates it. His Bill Maher is so good. No

03:09:36.260 --> 03:09:41.010
one else has one. No. It's true. These aren't

03:09:41.010 --> 03:09:43.350
impressions anyone's doing. Right. I'll never

03:09:43.350 --> 03:09:45.530
have children. But he does them better than anybody.

03:09:45.969 --> 03:09:48.569
Oh, the trans Trump. I didn't like this one.

03:09:48.750 --> 03:09:50.909
I didn't like this one that much. I thought it

03:09:50.909 --> 03:09:54.190
was. Just visually, that's funny. It's funny

03:09:54.190 --> 03:09:56.649
and terrific. Visually, it's the Andrew Cuomo

03:09:56.649 --> 03:09:59.229
one. It's amazing. Do you see Putin on OnlyFans?

03:09:59.489 --> 03:10:03.659
No. Oh, my God. You haven't seen this? Give us

03:10:03.659 --> 03:10:07.319
a file. Parachute. Parachute. I always... He's

03:10:07.319 --> 03:10:12.379
getting Bitcoin. Okay, we need to go. Now is

03:10:12.379 --> 03:10:16.020
sexy time. Get ready. It's going to be getting

03:10:16.020 --> 03:10:33.020
hot in here. All the Bitcoin coming in. Have

03:10:33.020 --> 03:10:36.940
you ever gone on an OnlyFans? No. No. I should

03:10:36.940 --> 03:10:39.200
because I know people on it. Feehan is crushing

03:10:39.200 --> 03:10:41.600
it on OnlyFans. Who is? Karen Feehan. She's a

03:10:41.600 --> 03:10:43.760
comedian in New York. Very funny. Very funny

03:10:43.760 --> 03:10:46.879
and the best little titties in comedy. So what

03:10:46.879 --> 03:10:50.659
is she doing on OnlyFans? Butt pics. Yeah, pics

03:10:50.659 --> 03:10:53.899
mostly. Yeah, that's it. She makes hell on there.

03:10:54.020 --> 03:10:56.959
How much? I think in the $20 ,000 to $25 ,000

03:10:56.959 --> 03:11:00.200
range a month. Wow. Yeah. And she's funny. And

03:11:00.200 --> 03:11:02.280
she's a cool gal. She's so cool to have around.

03:11:02.440 --> 03:11:04.520
It takes away all the financial pressure of gigs.

03:11:04.739 --> 03:11:08.340
You do whatever gigs you want. To defend her,

03:11:08.639 --> 03:11:11.799
she doesn't slack on comedy. She's like, that's

03:11:11.799 --> 03:11:14.159
extra income. I'm still hosting. I'm still doing

03:11:14.159 --> 03:11:16.420
whatever spots I can get. If I could get that.

03:11:16.600 --> 03:11:19.219
You can show your ass and you get $20 ,000 a

03:11:19.219 --> 03:11:21.579
month. Why not? Is there levels to what you show?

03:11:22.180 --> 03:11:24.840
What? Levels are the level you want some girl,

03:11:24.879 --> 03:11:28.139
but you can do pornography right? Oh, yeah Total

03:11:28.139 --> 03:11:30.139
poor not that's what we're his only fans, right?

03:11:30.180 --> 03:11:32.520
It's it's porno chicks going. Hey come straight

03:11:32.520 --> 03:11:34.620
to me, right? Right, right And what do you want

03:11:34.620 --> 03:11:36.680
what you want me to then arranging also like

03:11:36.680 --> 03:11:39.159
do you want to meet right? It's 10 grand and

03:11:39.159 --> 03:11:43.739
then They do that 10 grand whatever it is, you

03:11:43.739 --> 03:11:46.659
know, yeah, I guess about a lot of them get paid

03:11:46.659 --> 03:11:49.799
10 grand Why wouldn't you I fuck on camera? Everybody

03:11:49.799 --> 03:11:53.090
especially he's nice. Yeah Yeah. Everybody's

03:11:53.090 --> 03:11:59.329
nice who gives me 10 grand. Only fans for guys?

03:11:59.510 --> 03:12:02.290
Is that a real thing? Gay guys. Gay dudes. Gay

03:12:02.290 --> 03:12:04.430
guys. Trans. I interviewed a trans lady on Skeptic

03:12:04.430 --> 03:12:06.889
Hang once and she was like, that's a solid, there's

03:12:06.889 --> 03:12:08.450
a market for it if you still have your dick.

03:12:08.790 --> 03:12:10.649
Margo? Remember Margo? You gotta have your dick?

03:12:10.950 --> 03:12:14.530
I mean, you get more money that way. That's wild.

03:12:14.889 --> 03:12:17.049
So if you're trans with a dick, it's more valuable

03:12:17.049 --> 03:12:20.649
than a full operation? Yeah. Wow. Some girls

03:12:20.649 --> 03:12:22.389
are like, I just show my feet and I make a ton

03:12:22.389 --> 03:12:24.229
of money. Sure. Go for it. I've heard of that.

03:12:24.610 --> 03:12:26.969
Go for it. How much money do you make just showing

03:12:26.969 --> 03:12:30.049
your feet? Enough to show your feet. I would

03:12:30.049 --> 03:12:31.530
show my feet. I don't give a fuck. I don't even

03:12:31.530 --> 03:12:33.250
think about my feet. Your feet aren't that great.

03:12:33.569 --> 03:12:35.750
No, they're not. Maybe they are to some people.

03:12:35.809 --> 03:12:37.930
Yeah. That's the thing. I mean, I would not do

03:12:37.930 --> 03:12:40.090
it. If I could make 20 grand a month. You might

03:12:40.090 --> 03:12:42.549
be able to. Just showing your butthole. I'm in.

03:12:43.010 --> 03:12:45.590
Guys, go to OnlyFans .com slash Ari Shafir. How

03:12:45.590 --> 03:12:47.750
about Ari's butthole around the world, like wherever

03:12:47.750 --> 03:12:49.770
you're going? I wanted to have a Skank Fest,

03:12:49.889 --> 03:12:51.030
the first year of Skank Fest. I was like, can

03:12:51.030 --> 03:12:52.790
we have a kissing booth, but it's only a close

03:12:52.790 --> 03:12:54.469
-up, and I'll spread my cheeks, and you get to

03:12:54.469 --> 03:12:56.690
stare directly into my fucking hemorrhoided -up

03:12:56.690 --> 03:12:58.549
asshole. I would pay a buck for that. A buck?

03:12:58.790 --> 03:13:00.889
Yeah. But you've got to sit there with your asshole

03:13:00.889 --> 03:13:02.350
spread for an hour and a half. I guarantee you.

03:13:02.350 --> 03:13:04.430
Lewis, make it happen. Guys are going to spit

03:13:04.430 --> 03:13:06.450
in your asshole. Yeah, that was my only thing.

03:13:06.549 --> 03:13:08.110
You've got to have a spit guard. That's not so

03:13:08.110 --> 03:13:09.530
bad. You should let them spit in your asshole.

03:13:09.670 --> 03:13:11.129
If they have to look at it, they should be able

03:13:11.129 --> 03:13:13.530
to spit on it. And that's good. It is kind of

03:13:13.530 --> 03:13:15.309
hot. And it feels good. I bet a little warm spit

03:13:15.309 --> 03:13:17.770
on your b -hole. Who wouldn't like that? Jamie,

03:13:18.069 --> 03:13:19.770
what are you saying? There's a video about that.

03:13:20.149 --> 03:13:21.370
That's why I thought you brought it up. What?

03:13:21.909 --> 03:13:24.069
In Cook County Jail, that's what they do. They

03:13:24.069 --> 03:13:25.750
don't rape guys. They spit in their asshole.

03:13:26.030 --> 03:13:29.090
I would take that to jail. What? If rape was

03:13:29.090 --> 03:13:30.690
on the table, I would take a spit in the butt.

03:13:31.069 --> 03:13:33.309
You still have to get the phone call when a bodily

03:13:33.309 --> 03:13:35.350
fluid enters a cavity or something like that,

03:13:35.409 --> 03:13:37.629
they explained. What phone call? From your mom?

03:13:37.850 --> 03:13:39.250
They have to call your family and say, like,

03:13:39.270 --> 03:13:41.510
you have to dip your rape kit on your son. Oh,

03:13:41.510 --> 03:13:44.469
no. You can get AIDS from that. Don't call my

03:13:44.469 --> 03:13:47.370
mom. Yeah, you have to rat them out. No, no,

03:13:47.370 --> 03:13:50.549
no. That's what they were going into. Like, that's

03:13:50.549 --> 03:13:52.510
the thing that they did. Big guys would be like,

03:13:52.530 --> 03:13:53.670
you ain't spitting in my asshole. And I'd be

03:13:53.670 --> 03:13:55.489
like, what? You get knocked out. And then they

03:13:55.489 --> 03:13:56.909
hold you down. And they spit in your ass. And

03:13:56.909 --> 03:13:58.209
then people were like. Why would they hold you

03:13:58.209 --> 03:13:58.690
down? You're already knocked out. They would

03:13:58.690 --> 03:14:00.309
take turns coming up and spit in your asshole.

03:14:00.430 --> 03:14:02.290
Sounds like a nice treat. Come on. I want to

03:14:02.290 --> 03:14:04.090
see video of this. It's not the video of that.

03:14:04.110 --> 03:14:05.750
But I can show you the video of them explaining

03:14:05.750 --> 03:14:07.889
it. Wow. Really? And they also have a thing they

03:14:07.889 --> 03:14:11.610
called a Glock. A Glock Dookie. Dookie Glock.

03:14:11.670 --> 03:14:13.389
Glock Dookie. Grab some Bud Lights out there.

03:14:14.270 --> 03:14:17.170
How many you got down so far? What do you got

03:14:17.170 --> 03:14:21.510
over there? What's the stack? I'm having a tough

03:14:21.510 --> 03:14:24.270
time counting. 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12.

03:14:24.430 --> 03:14:27.129
You're on beer 12. That's good. I had one of

03:14:27.129 --> 03:14:30.700
those. That's wild. Bud Light's here. Easy to

03:14:30.700 --> 03:14:33.059
drink. Yeah, but that's wild. That's like Andre

03:14:33.059 --> 03:14:35.059
the Giant shit. I had one of those. They will

03:14:35.059 --> 03:14:36.920
knock you the fuck out. Go to the bathroom, you

03:14:36.920 --> 03:14:38.620
see yourself. When you hit that ground? Oh, shit,

03:14:38.659 --> 03:14:41.280
I'm fucked up. Yeah. Get that butt! Especially

03:14:41.280 --> 03:14:42.860
when you walk out there to piss, there's this

03:14:42.860 --> 03:14:44.620
dude sitting at the table. Yeah, listen to this.

03:14:44.620 --> 03:14:45.879
There's a dude sitting next to the table next

03:14:45.879 --> 03:14:48.280
to a werewolf. You're like, oh, shit. Right,

03:14:48.360 --> 03:14:50.500
reality. I'm fucked up. Reality sets in. Listen

03:14:50.500 --> 03:14:55.579
to this. You would hit this. Get that butt! Come

03:14:55.579 --> 03:14:57.819
up on that, get that. Nah, the nigga that's fighting

03:14:57.819 --> 03:15:01.040
that B, get the butt. My fuck gone. Pour your

03:15:01.040 --> 03:15:05.280
pants down. Pour your drawers down. Open up your

03:15:05.280 --> 03:15:08.559
ass and spin your ass. Now your ass a bitch.

03:15:08.680 --> 03:15:11.739
Six people line up to come spin your ass. Niggas

03:15:11.739 --> 03:15:14.260
will spin your ass. A nigga will grab a motherfucking

03:15:14.260 --> 03:15:17.739
soap. Choke your ass out, nigga. Six different

03:15:17.739 --> 03:15:19.840
survivors. Killing this bitch. Your ass a bitch.

03:15:19.899 --> 03:15:21.920
And the whole jail will know. It's going around.

03:15:22.430 --> 03:15:24.370
Man, folks, you have to stand and spit in. Disclaimer,

03:15:24.489 --> 03:15:26.229
we wasn't doing that. I wasn't doing that. Monster

03:15:26.229 --> 03:15:28.090
in your ass. I wasn't involved in that shit.

03:15:28.389 --> 03:15:29.870
Flamin' hot. I wasn't doing that shit. Knock

03:15:29.870 --> 03:15:32.750
you out. Spit in your ass. Oh, my God. That sounds

03:15:32.750 --> 03:15:35.250
like a lot. Especially up in the trenches. Division

03:15:35.250 --> 03:15:40.389
ass. Trenches. Okay. Wow. Two million views.

03:15:40.469 --> 03:15:42.790
Just some dude eating fucking Flamin' Hot Cheetos.

03:15:42.969 --> 03:15:44.790
Spittin' in asses. Then knocking you out and

03:15:44.790 --> 03:15:47.170
spittin' in your butt. I think he got off easy.

03:15:47.709 --> 03:15:50.959
Spittin' in your butt's so nice. Yeah. Mean as

03:15:50.959 --> 03:15:53.479
opposed to do that now just fucking you in the

03:15:53.479 --> 03:15:55.459
ass exactly they don't do that anymore. Is that

03:15:55.459 --> 03:16:00.219
what he's saying? Yeah Yeah, it is actually like

03:16:00.219 --> 03:16:02.620
a frat. Yeah, we've evolved. This is more. This

03:16:02.620 --> 03:16:18.920
is a lot. It's the shorter too, but You don't

03:16:18.920 --> 03:16:21.399
want this shit. You getting robbed. I'm going

03:16:21.399 --> 03:16:25.340
to fucking rob you of this. Glock Dookie. Glock

03:16:25.340 --> 03:16:27.180
Dookie with a switch on that bitch. Nigga, I'm

03:16:27.180 --> 03:16:29.959
going to fucking put shit, piss, nut. What's

03:16:29.959 --> 03:16:34.479
a switch? Holy shit. You got to have these guys

03:16:34.479 --> 03:16:37.020
on the podcast. Yeah, right? That seems like

03:16:37.020 --> 03:16:38.780
it would be a lot of fun. Damn, dude. There's

03:16:38.780 --> 03:16:41.059
some guy in prison for money laundering, and

03:16:41.059 --> 03:16:44.649
he's like. I don't know about this. Take it easy,

03:16:44.770 --> 03:16:48.569
fellas. Somebody's got a crest tube filled with

03:16:48.569 --> 03:16:51.510
shit and jizz. Get the fuck out of the way, motherfucker.

03:16:53.389 --> 03:16:54.909
That's why R. Kelly was singing for everybody.

03:16:55.629 --> 03:16:57.969
They had him there like, sing for my kids, please.

03:16:59.030 --> 03:17:00.250
Whatever you want. He goes, I don't feel like

03:17:00.250 --> 03:17:02.149
it. Don't you feel like it? Or we could go the

03:17:02.149 --> 03:17:05.629
other way. He's probably a big star in jail.

03:17:06.569 --> 03:17:08.030
They're probably so excited to hang out with

03:17:08.030 --> 03:17:11.360
R. Kelly. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, and he gets

03:17:11.360 --> 03:17:13.040
to sing. Probably makes it more interesting.

03:17:13.299 --> 03:17:17.360
My assholes tell me no. But those Flamin' Hots

03:17:17.360 --> 03:17:21.540
fits. But you guys are telling me yay. You guys

03:17:21.540 --> 03:17:24.819
tell me it's going to happen. Flamin' Hots. Good

03:17:24.819 --> 03:17:28.960
boy. Anybody eating Flamin' Hots is eight. Yeah.

03:17:28.960 --> 03:17:32.500
You don't see a president or a CEO eating Flamin'

03:17:32.500 --> 03:17:34.239
Hots. Nobody accomplishing anything is munching.

03:17:34.360 --> 03:17:36.520
Well, Trump actually might munch Flamin' Hots.

03:17:36.659 --> 03:17:38.899
Well, there you go. Didn't Trump replace the

03:17:38.899 --> 03:17:40.719
healthy snacks the White House had previously

03:17:40.719 --> 03:17:43.219
with some kind of shit? A lot of cheeseburgers.

03:17:43.260 --> 03:17:45.459
He had the burgers. He would bring in whoever

03:17:45.459 --> 03:17:47.860
won the national championship in football. He'd

03:17:47.860 --> 03:17:49.500
bring them in and he'd just get the whole table

03:17:49.500 --> 03:17:52.520
filled with fucking burgers. Yeah. From McDonald's?

03:17:52.520 --> 03:17:54.739
Yeah, he'd be like, you guys are going to love

03:17:54.739 --> 03:17:57.680
McDonald's. He fucking loves McDonald's. He legitimately

03:17:57.680 --> 03:17:59.659
loves McDonald's. Diet Coke and McDonald's. So

03:17:59.659 --> 03:18:03.399
did Clinton. How is he so healthy? Who? Trump.

03:18:03.540 --> 03:18:05.600
Is he healthy? For as old as he is? Yeah, dude.

03:18:05.780 --> 03:18:07.360
What are you kidding? He's old as shit. He's

03:18:07.360 --> 03:18:09.979
overweight. Donald Trump had McDonald's delivered

03:18:09.979 --> 03:18:11.559
to the hospital while he was being treated for

03:18:11.559 --> 03:18:14.719
COVID -19. Jesus Christ. What a fat fuck. He's

03:18:14.719 --> 03:18:16.879
an animal. I mean, if you're munching McDonald's

03:18:16.879 --> 03:18:20.350
in your 70s. Dude, if I eat McDonald's now, I'm

03:18:20.350 --> 03:18:23.590
like, what the fuck was that? Dude, I was at

03:18:23.590 --> 03:18:25.850
a concert with Soder and his girlfriend, and

03:18:25.850 --> 03:18:27.450
he was like, right before the encore, they were

03:18:27.450 --> 03:18:28.889
like, we're finished. We'll be back in like 10

03:18:28.889 --> 03:18:31.209
minutes. We got to do whatever. LCD Sound says

03:18:31.209 --> 03:18:32.270
something. He's like, I got to go. I'm like,

03:18:32.329 --> 03:18:34.309
you got to go before the encore? And he goes,

03:18:34.409 --> 03:18:38.350
I need a lot of McDonald's. It ruins you. Yeah,

03:18:38.430 --> 03:18:41.729
dude. But Trump doesn't drink. No, he doesn't

03:18:41.729 --> 03:18:44.370
drink. That definitely takes some of the edge

03:18:44.370 --> 03:18:47.350
off, but he's eating pure garbage, sure. Yeah,

03:18:47.350 --> 03:18:49.809
but Trump has also never drank, right? Never.

03:18:49.850 --> 03:18:52.489
No, really? His brother got fucked up by it,

03:18:52.510 --> 03:18:54.649
and he stopped. Oh, is that right? Yeah. Have

03:18:54.649 --> 03:18:56.309
you seen the Adam Curtis documentary on how Trump

03:18:56.309 --> 03:18:59.290
made his money? No. You've seen it? New York

03:18:59.290 --> 03:19:00.790
was like white flight, and then Trump was like,

03:19:00.829 --> 03:19:02.850
oh, everything's devalued? Let me buy blocks.

03:19:03.450 --> 03:19:07.229
I saw the Adam Curtis. It's the newest one. The

03:19:07.229 --> 03:19:09.370
last one was, what was it? It was like, can't

03:19:09.370 --> 03:19:12.430
get you out of my head. Oh. It was so good. What

03:19:12.430 --> 03:19:15.030
was that about? It was just he – Adam Curtis

03:19:15.030 --> 03:19:17.729
explained where we're at and why we're at it.

03:19:17.790 --> 03:19:20.049
Yeah. And it was – Have you ever had him on?

03:19:20.129 --> 03:19:22.989
I can't explain it. Dude, that is for sure get

03:19:22.989 --> 03:19:25.510
Adam Curtis on. Yeah? His documentaries are so

03:19:25.510 --> 03:19:27.790
out there and so clear. Century of the Self is

03:19:27.790 --> 03:19:30.649
so interesting. What's that? It's about how we

03:19:30.649 --> 03:19:36.610
took – Freud's nephew took – stuff he was saying

03:19:36.610 --> 03:19:38.770
about psychology, used it for propaganda for

03:19:38.770 --> 03:19:40.569
the World War II. And then after World War II

03:19:40.569 --> 03:19:42.010
was over, like, well, we can keep using this

03:19:42.010 --> 03:19:43.510
propaganda. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've got to change

03:19:43.510 --> 03:19:48.110
the name. They called it PR. And so that everything

03:19:48.110 --> 03:19:50.430
is about public image. So that's when advertisements

03:19:50.430 --> 03:19:53.530
went from this is a quality product to this will

03:19:53.530 --> 03:19:55.590
get your family around you. Oh, yeah, yeah. What

03:19:55.590 --> 03:19:57.010
was the one you said? What was the documentary?

03:19:57.270 --> 03:19:58.670
It's called Can't Get You Out of My Head, and

03:19:58.670 --> 03:20:00.670
it's fucking incredible. It's about how China

03:20:00.670 --> 03:20:04.770
uses, like... Oh, with Mao and his wife? They,

03:20:04.809 --> 03:20:07.309
they, they, they, they're monitoring everything

03:20:07.309 --> 03:20:10.350
you do. You get the social credit score of like,

03:20:10.489 --> 03:20:14.290
did you cheat in a video game? Did you, did you

03:20:14.290 --> 03:20:17.010
jaywalk? And they, they monitor it. Meanwhile,

03:20:17.090 --> 03:20:19.790
the United States is doing kind of the exact

03:20:19.790 --> 03:20:24.469
same thing, except they're doing outrage. They're

03:20:24.469 --> 03:20:28.229
doing outrage. So like in China, it's like they're,

03:20:28.229 --> 03:20:30.709
they're monitoring, but you gotta be a good dude.

03:20:31.120 --> 03:20:32.700
You got to do everything correct. It's hyper

03:20:32.700 --> 03:20:34.600
-normalization was the one with Trump. Dude,

03:20:34.680 --> 03:20:36.360
Rogan, you'll like all these. Century of the

03:20:36.360 --> 03:20:37.680
Self, start with that one. I'm fucked up. Start

03:20:37.680 --> 03:20:39.360
with that one. I'm going to watch these. They're

03:20:39.360 --> 03:20:42.799
amazing. You watch the Adam Curtis talk. Can't

03:20:42.799 --> 03:20:45.159
get you out of my head. Oh, I've seen hyper -normalization.

03:20:45.559 --> 03:20:47.639
I've seen that. That was really good. You watch

03:20:47.639 --> 03:20:49.219
Century of the Self. You watch one episode out

03:20:49.219 --> 03:20:51.319
of six or eight. You watch one, then you pause

03:20:51.319 --> 03:20:53.200
for like a week and a half and you think about

03:20:53.200 --> 03:20:55.600
it. Dude. Here's the hardest part about Adam

03:20:55.600 --> 03:20:58.329
Curtis is you watch it. And then you understand

03:20:58.329 --> 03:21:01.809
it. And then you try to tell everybody. But you

03:21:01.809 --> 03:21:06.549
are dumb. Yeah. I have that with Norm Macdonald.

03:21:06.629 --> 03:21:08.209
You ever talk to somebody who doesn't think Norm

03:21:08.209 --> 03:21:09.629
Macdonald's funny? And you're like, I don't know

03:21:09.629 --> 03:21:12.149
what to do here. He just is. I don't know how

03:21:12.149 --> 03:21:14.510
to back off to explain it to you. I never laugh,

03:21:14.530 --> 03:21:16.829
though. And you're like, all right. How the fuck

03:21:16.829 --> 03:21:18.690
could you watch Norm and not laugh? Because people

03:21:18.690 --> 03:21:20.870
don't like him. You have to be stupid, dude.

03:21:21.049 --> 03:21:23.069
The taste is so subjective. Not only funny, not

03:21:23.069 --> 03:21:26.209
my thing, but just not funny. It's so great.

03:21:26.270 --> 03:21:28.629
But to some people, they just have terrible taste.

03:21:29.180 --> 03:21:31.659
Yeah. You know, I mean, there's things that people

03:21:31.659 --> 03:21:34.040
love that are like, there's people that are like

03:21:34.040 --> 03:21:37.440
great fans of those terrible sitcoms where they

03:21:37.440 --> 03:21:39.620
can't wait and they want to go see the taping

03:21:39.620 --> 03:21:42.579
and some of those really fucking bland bullshit.

03:21:42.579 --> 03:21:43.959
Dude, that's Big J. Whenever I have a barbecue,

03:21:44.079 --> 03:21:45.879
he's like, I got frozen beef patties for you.

03:21:45.959 --> 03:21:48.500
I'm like, what? I got fresh ground beef. He's

03:21:48.500 --> 03:21:50.700
like, nah, you want these. I'm like, oh, you

03:21:50.700 --> 03:21:53.440
have garbage taste. I support that. I support

03:21:53.440 --> 03:21:56.479
that. Of course you do. You get conditioned too.

03:21:56.559 --> 03:21:58.969
Is frozen beef that much different? than the

03:21:58.969 --> 03:22:01.510
fresh beef patties? Yeah, it's shitty. Come on.

03:22:01.729 --> 03:22:06.250
It's garbage. It's shitty. No. It really depends

03:22:06.250 --> 03:22:09.010
on how quickly the burger was frozen. If you

03:22:09.010 --> 03:22:12.610
get a fresh steak and you grind it and then make

03:22:12.610 --> 03:22:14.329
a patty and freeze it and then thaw it out, it's

03:22:14.329 --> 03:22:15.270
not going to be any different. That ain't what's

03:22:15.270 --> 03:22:17.510
happening. These are fucking mass -made bulk.

03:22:17.989 --> 03:22:23.909
Dude, it's a burger. Get a 99 cent 99 cent fucking

03:22:23.909 --> 03:22:27.690
burger. We'll do a taste test. I want a burger.

03:22:28.190 --> 03:22:30.750
I want a fucking burger right now. Joe, don't

03:22:30.750 --> 03:22:33.909
you dare make a fool out of me right now. Fucking

03:22:33.909 --> 03:22:38.350
burger. Burger. We'll do a taste test. I would

03:22:38.350 --> 03:22:41.569
love burgers, dude. If you wanted to eat a burger

03:22:41.569 --> 03:22:43.110
right now, would you go for something that's

03:22:43.110 --> 03:22:45.409
good or would you go for something like bullshit?

03:22:45.530 --> 03:22:48.809
No, we went to El Camino right across the street.

03:22:49.030 --> 03:22:51.889
Great. Then you've got to battle through all

03:22:51.889 --> 03:22:55.850
those fucking goths. Yeah. All those freaks making

03:22:55.850 --> 03:22:58.670
you shit. The guy's got a fucking mohawk in the

03:22:58.670 --> 03:23:00.750
kitchen. Yeah, the kitchen's filled with fucking

03:23:00.750 --> 03:23:03.049
freaks. Yeah. And you go to order, and you're

03:23:03.049 --> 03:23:05.309
like, I don't want these guys around my... No

03:23:05.309 --> 03:23:07.229
gloves. And then they give you your food, and

03:23:07.229 --> 03:23:08.329
you're like, damn, that's the best food I've

03:23:08.329 --> 03:23:09.309
ever had. You're all right. Yeah, you're okay.

03:23:09.510 --> 03:23:12.620
Nice job. Freaks. They look like the bad guys

03:23:12.620 --> 03:23:16.780
in Street Fighter. Yes. They come out of the

03:23:16.780 --> 03:23:19.520
bar just like, who ordered? How about that fucking

03:23:19.520 --> 03:23:24.420
waiter? Fucking Mark. Mark's got a gay gluten

03:23:24.420 --> 03:23:27.719
allergy, so he put the... I'm trying it off bread.

03:23:27.959 --> 03:23:30.120
Mark's gay as hell, so he put the bun in his

03:23:30.120 --> 03:23:32.579
beer. Just like if there's a sip of beer left,

03:23:32.639 --> 03:23:34.299
I threw the bun in there to get rid of it. He

03:23:34.299 --> 03:23:38.120
comes over. The waiter comes over to grab empties,

03:23:38.120 --> 03:23:40.819
and he's like... what the fuck is this? And it

03:23:40.819 --> 03:23:45.260
was like, don't be a waiter. Yeah, right? Why

03:23:45.260 --> 03:23:47.639
is there a little bread in the bottle? He didn't

03:23:47.639 --> 03:23:51.159
like it. I should have said don't be a waiter,

03:23:51.219 --> 03:23:56.159
dude. I apologize to all the waiters. You dumbasses.

03:23:56.500 --> 03:23:58.260
I heard nothing but good things about those burgers.

03:23:58.739 --> 03:24:02.260
Dude, El Camino's. Great burger. Perfect. Hey,

03:24:02.299 --> 03:24:03.760
let's have a taste of this next barbecue I have.

03:24:04.280 --> 03:24:06.600
We'll do one of those Big J frozen patties versus

03:24:06.600 --> 03:24:09.459
a real ground beef grade A. I swear to God there

03:24:09.459 --> 03:24:11.219
will be zero difference. Do you know how to cook

03:24:11.219 --> 03:24:15.780
a burger? Are you good at it? No. No. No, he

03:24:15.780 --> 03:24:18.180
cannot. But DeRosa came over and was cooking.

03:24:18.280 --> 03:24:20.500
He was cooking at my place. I love DeRosa's fucking

03:24:20.500 --> 03:24:22.719
sandwich shop. I get hungry looking at his Instagram.

03:24:22.719 --> 03:24:24.420
You got to go next time you're there. It's so

03:24:24.420 --> 03:24:26.379
good. We'll go together. It's so good. It looks

03:24:26.379 --> 03:24:29.079
amazing. Holy shit. Joey Rose's. Economical.

03:24:29.579 --> 03:24:32.280
Oh, yeah. It's an $8 sandwich. That should be

03:24:32.280 --> 03:24:35.500
like in New York, 14, 15. It's a big ass fucking

03:24:35.500 --> 03:24:40.340
sandwich. It looks good. Those sanguiches? Perfect.

03:24:40.659 --> 03:24:42.360
That's my favorite one. That's my favorite one.

03:24:42.620 --> 03:24:45.760
That peanut butter, jelly, and potato chips is

03:24:45.760 --> 03:24:47.760
my favorite one. Oh, that's bad news. Damn, that

03:24:47.760 --> 03:24:49.500
looks good. That killed Ralphie Moore. That's

03:24:49.500 --> 03:24:51.739
good news. And then DeRosa will make you do Coke.

03:24:52.200 --> 03:24:54.899
Yeah, well, he puts it on the bun. You eat some

03:24:54.899 --> 03:24:57.100
fucking peanut butter and jelly hoagie, and he's

03:24:57.100 --> 03:25:00.079
like, come on, dude, let's do Coke. Wait till

03:25:00.079 --> 03:25:01.680
I'm done with the sandwich. He likes to Coke?

03:25:02.100 --> 03:25:04.540
No, no, he doesn't. He likes it around the bros.

03:25:05.440 --> 03:25:07.500
When the bros are there. He likes to do Coke?

03:25:07.950 --> 03:25:09.790
When the dogs are there. That's why he opened

03:25:09.790 --> 03:25:13.489
the bar. It's a coke den. So it's a sandwich

03:25:13.489 --> 03:25:16.549
shop slash bar? Exactly. Is he doing a lot of

03:25:16.549 --> 03:25:18.030
stand -up now, or is he just busy? He's out.

03:25:18.250 --> 03:25:20.129
He's back out. He's opening for Sal on his tour

03:25:20.129 --> 03:25:22.969
a lot. He's back, fully back. So he just has

03:25:22.969 --> 03:25:27.430
people work the club or his bar? He was kind

03:25:27.430 --> 03:25:30.950
of right. When he stopped. He was like, shit

03:25:30.950 --> 03:25:33.350
sucks right now. Before he had a draw. He was

03:25:33.350 --> 03:25:35.110
right about that. He had his draw now because

03:25:35.110 --> 03:25:36.590
him and Sal were doing that Taste Buds podcast.

03:25:36.750 --> 03:25:38.549
But before that, he goes, what's the benefit

03:25:38.549 --> 03:25:42.209
of doing stand -up in this world where everyone's

03:25:42.209 --> 03:25:43.889
attacking everybody when I'm not going to make

03:25:43.889 --> 03:25:45.770
thousands of dollars on the road? I would fight

03:25:45.770 --> 03:25:49.409
him on that. I would always be like, now's when

03:25:49.409 --> 03:25:52.530
it's actually good. Necessary. But he goes, your

03:25:52.530 --> 03:25:55.450
whole career's over for what? For a $25 spot?

03:25:55.959 --> 03:25:57.579
It's not worth it. And I'm like, I get what you're

03:25:57.579 --> 03:25:59.840
saying. But he was worried about saying something

03:25:59.840 --> 03:26:01.379
that was going to get him in trouble. Yeah, because

03:26:01.379 --> 03:26:04.819
it's nonstop. I think it's a little bit of the

03:26:04.819 --> 03:26:07.180
worried about saying something. But he's always

03:26:07.180 --> 03:26:09.940
been friends with all the left people. Uh -huh.

03:26:10.350 --> 03:26:12.110
Like, all the people that lost their fucking

03:26:12.110 --> 03:26:15.489
minds, he was boys with them. Really? I was friends

03:26:15.489 --> 03:26:17.010
with a lot of them, too. Of course. But he's

03:26:17.010 --> 03:26:19.409
also friends with Kumia. Yeah, exactly. Is he?

03:26:19.670 --> 03:26:21.809
DeRosa's a... He was. DeRosa's just... He's friendly.

03:26:21.969 --> 03:26:23.489
He just likes everybody. He's a nice guy. He's

03:26:23.489 --> 03:26:26.069
a nice guy. That shit fucked him up. When everybody

03:26:26.069 --> 03:26:28.770
split and acted like psychos, that fucked him

03:26:28.770 --> 03:26:30.170
up. Really? And he was like, I don't want to

03:26:30.170 --> 03:26:33.170
do stand -up for this shit. It's supposed to

03:26:33.170 --> 03:26:34.729
be for fun and everyone's attacking each other.

03:26:34.809 --> 03:26:36.950
This is what it's supposed to be. It's strange.

03:26:37.329 --> 03:26:39.350
Yeah, if you're Segura making fucking doctor

03:26:39.350 --> 03:26:41.620
money every show, then it's like... Sure, for

03:26:41.620 --> 03:26:45.139
you to do it, it makes sense. Yeah. Who went

03:26:45.139 --> 03:26:47.819
harder after Will Smith than Segura? I know.

03:26:47.940 --> 03:26:51.879
Jesus tweets. I was impressed. The bitch was

03:26:51.879 --> 03:26:55.440
bald. But it was more that. She's been cheating

03:26:55.440 --> 03:26:57.680
on you and been fucking around. Oh, I didn't

03:26:57.680 --> 03:27:00.360
see that. He defended stand -up like he should,

03:27:00.459 --> 03:27:03.520
like we all should. Like a gangster. Damn. Yeah,

03:27:03.559 --> 03:27:06.920
but it was just, he went hard. And he was totally

03:27:06.920 --> 03:27:09.270
right. Totally right. That's the thing. He was

03:27:09.270 --> 03:27:12.329
out there saying it. It was just 100 % truth.

03:27:12.690 --> 03:27:15.530
And everybody had to sit back. Do you not think

03:27:15.530 --> 03:27:18.270
stand -up is an art form? Then sure, okay, fight

03:27:18.270 --> 03:27:20.510
people. But then you don't respect us at all.

03:27:20.989 --> 03:27:23.329
We're not here for us. For you. You're here for

03:27:23.329 --> 03:27:25.690
us. And he can say it because he's bald. He is

03:27:25.690 --> 03:27:29.290
bald. Bring it on. Some crazy shit. Crazy shit

03:27:29.290 --> 03:27:30.809
watching that happen. I still can't believe it's

03:27:30.809 --> 03:27:32.829
real. Even watching that video. It's nutty. It's

03:27:32.829 --> 03:27:35.719
nutty. It's the biggest event in a long time.

03:27:35.819 --> 03:27:38.100
So much of it is like... Yeah, definitely. It

03:27:38.100 --> 03:27:40.600
just sucks for Chris Rock. Sucks for Chris Rock.

03:27:40.639 --> 03:27:42.799
It's not fair at all. He's so fucking... I know,

03:27:42.819 --> 03:27:45.239
but you gotta be humiliated on television. But

03:27:45.239 --> 03:27:48.139
still, it's like he's a... Dude, he's a legend.

03:27:48.440 --> 03:27:51.840
Yeah. He still is, but... No, he's a legend,

03:27:51.940 --> 03:27:54.799
and then that shit happens. The way he handled

03:27:54.799 --> 03:27:56.299
it, though, I don't think he lost any stock.

03:27:56.500 --> 03:27:58.440
I mean, the man is standing there. Guy walks

03:27:58.440 --> 03:27:59.979
up to him, smacks him in the head, and he's still

03:27:59.979 --> 03:28:01.360
playing it off like it was a joke. Oh, he goes,

03:28:01.360 --> 03:28:03.399
whoa, what the fuck? Will Smith just smacked

03:28:03.399 --> 03:28:05.899
the shit out of me. And I think they were going

03:28:05.899 --> 03:28:09.409
to laugh it off. And then when he got serious,

03:28:09.530 --> 03:28:11.030
he was like, keep my wife's name out of your

03:28:11.030 --> 03:28:12.989
fucking mouth. And he said, really? Don't say

03:28:12.989 --> 03:28:14.350
of. Don't say of because he didn't. Out your

03:28:14.350 --> 03:28:16.629
fucking mouth. And then he said, really? He goes,

03:28:16.629 --> 03:28:19.489
yes. It's like, what are you even talking about?

03:28:19.530 --> 03:28:21.770
And then he yells it again. Keep my wife's name

03:28:21.770 --> 03:28:24.670
out your fucking mouth. And it's like, wow. I'm

03:28:24.670 --> 03:28:27.170
going to. I'll tell you, as someone who's been

03:28:27.170 --> 03:28:29.690
slapped, it doesn't hurt. So it's an odd thing

03:28:29.690 --> 03:28:31.809
where it's like, you struck me, but there's no.

03:28:32.479 --> 03:28:34.540
Pain associated with it. It's a disrespectful

03:28:34.540 --> 03:28:36.319
thing. It's disrespectful. It's like, what are

03:28:36.319 --> 03:28:38.500
you doing? Everybody here has been slapped? Oh,

03:28:38.500 --> 03:28:42.280
yeah. Yeah. Definitely. I cry. Every time I got

03:28:42.280 --> 03:28:44.579
slapped, I've cried. I cried once when I got

03:28:44.579 --> 03:28:47.200
slapped. Definitely. If somebody slaps me, I

03:28:47.200 --> 03:28:50.719
will cry. I always go, why would you do that?

03:28:51.000 --> 03:28:53.760
Yeah. I did nothing but nice to you. Why would

03:28:53.760 --> 03:28:57.020
you slap me? Exactly. It's just the thing, though.

03:28:57.100 --> 03:28:59.299
If we're comics, though, it's like we're holding

03:28:59.299 --> 03:29:02.340
a weapon. Where's your arm out? I know. I'm sure

03:29:02.340 --> 03:29:05.219
the worst part was he would have loved to. Uh

03:29:05.219 --> 03:29:07.579
-oh. I'm fucked up. What did you say? I said

03:29:07.579 --> 03:29:09.459
we're holding a weapon. We're holding a weapon.

03:29:09.600 --> 03:29:12.739
The microphone. Yeah. So we can make fun of people.

03:29:12.940 --> 03:29:15.520
Shane, get him. Dude. Shane, come on. Come to

03:29:15.520 --> 03:29:17.940
the beer. I'll have another beer. Great. You

03:29:17.940 --> 03:29:22.040
want two? Remember that part in Once Upon a Time

03:29:22.040 --> 03:29:25.780
in Hollywood where Brad Pitt's fighting fucking

03:29:25.780 --> 03:29:29.440
Bruce Lee and he's like. If I hit a guy and he

03:29:29.440 --> 03:29:32.860
dies, my hands are considered lethal weapons.

03:29:33.020 --> 03:29:35.719
And he's like, yeah, that's how it works. Yeah.

03:29:36.260 --> 03:29:38.379
You're like, oh, yeah, our mouths are weapons.

03:29:39.180 --> 03:29:40.879
Everybody's mouth is a fucking weapon, dude.

03:29:40.979 --> 03:29:43.120
No, a trained stand -up comic, a three -year

03:29:43.120 --> 03:29:44.719
stand -up comic is like, oh, you don't know what

03:29:44.719 --> 03:29:46.639
you're dealing with. I don't know, man. In that

03:29:46.639 --> 03:29:48.819
moment when he got smacked, it didn't seem like

03:29:48.819 --> 03:29:52.739
he knew what to do. No, he had one moment. He's

03:29:52.739 --> 03:29:55.079
not in a club. There's a clear moment of clarity

03:29:55.079 --> 03:29:58.389
where he's like, ooh. I should go at him, but

03:29:58.389 --> 03:30:00.809
then he pulled back. There's one part after he

03:30:00.809 --> 03:30:03.649
gets slapped where he goes, I could. He literally

03:30:03.649 --> 03:30:05.909
says, I could. But he knows he's in the belly

03:30:05.909 --> 03:30:07.590
of the beast of Hollywood. And the thing is,

03:30:07.590 --> 03:30:10.530
the things you would say at a club on that stage

03:30:10.530 --> 03:30:12.969
would get you, you'd be like, you dumb fucking

03:30:12.969 --> 03:30:16.350
bitch of a what? And it's like, hey, you're sexist.

03:30:16.469 --> 03:30:18.989
So being quiet was the ultimate best move. We

03:30:18.989 --> 03:30:20.629
all wanted him to say shit. Professionally. He

03:30:20.629 --> 03:30:22.590
played it right. Imagine if he just went full

03:30:22.590 --> 03:30:27.350
stand -up. Just full. We all wanted him at least

03:30:27.350 --> 03:30:29.590
to go, fuck you or fuck the system. I'm out.

03:30:29.629 --> 03:30:31.850
And the joke was obvious. It's keep my names.

03:30:32.649 --> 03:30:34.770
Or my wife's name out of your mouth. It's so

03:30:34.770 --> 03:30:36.290
easy to just write. The dick's out of your mouth.

03:30:36.290 --> 03:30:39.790
Keep her fucking pussy out of other dudes' mouths.

03:30:39.870 --> 03:30:43.409
Also, Ali, Concussion. There's so many movies

03:30:43.409 --> 03:30:45.569
he could have referenced. But Chris Rock is a

03:30:45.569 --> 03:30:48.110
written comic. He goes over real material really

03:30:48.110 --> 03:30:50.690
well, so he's not like a riffer. Like, Big Jay

03:30:50.690 --> 03:30:53.250
is a different experience. Sure. But I'm sure

03:30:53.250 --> 03:30:56.030
he had some B -Squad jokes back in his pocket.

03:30:56.229 --> 03:30:58.829
I mean, I could do it, and he could do it. Yeah,

03:30:58.829 --> 03:31:01.629
exactly. If I knew what I could say. This ain't

03:31:01.629 --> 03:31:05.010
a normal comic. This is Chris Rock. He would

03:31:05.010 --> 03:31:07.629
eviscerate him. He's from Bed -Stuy. He's got

03:31:07.629 --> 03:31:10.469
nine brothers. Yeah, if it was at a comedy club.

03:31:11.030 --> 03:31:14.510
It would be gloves off. Isn't it also an indication

03:31:14.510 --> 03:31:17.629
that that's a bad place to do comedy? Of course.

03:31:17.709 --> 03:31:19.629
It's a corporate gig. Yeah. What's the upside?

03:31:20.270 --> 03:31:22.329
That's exactly what it is. Am I even allowed?

03:31:22.530 --> 03:31:24.389
What if you get a heckler at a fucking Lexus

03:31:24.389 --> 03:31:26.670
convention? Can you go off on them? Right. What

03:31:26.670 --> 03:31:29.989
do you do? I got heckled opening for Seinfeld.

03:31:30.149 --> 03:31:34.350
My hands were tied. I was like, easy there, numbskull.

03:31:34.530 --> 03:31:36.170
I couldn't say anything because you have to be

03:31:36.170 --> 03:31:38.750
clean. I went to visit Nate. He was doing a corporate.

03:31:39.209 --> 03:31:41.950
for whatever some company in Vegas so I went

03:31:41.950 --> 03:31:43.670
and it was like shitty it's all these fucking

03:31:43.670 --> 03:31:45.510
workers there with each other and it's like a

03:31:45.510 --> 03:31:47.309
bad gig and then when he gets off he's like let's

03:31:47.309 --> 03:31:48.989
go play a private table like that's just for

03:31:48.989 --> 03:31:52.290
money let's go have fun you did you open with

03:31:52.290 --> 03:31:54.670
Nate no I went to hang out with him I was gonna

03:31:54.670 --> 03:31:57.950
say I went to hang out with him it was Nate and

03:31:57.950 --> 03:32:00.850
Kathleen Madigan and like a magician and Wayne

03:32:00.850 --> 03:32:04.870
Brady oh wow Wayne Brady probably cleanest of

03:32:04.870 --> 03:32:07.370
the clean I haven't heard that guy's name in

03:32:07.370 --> 03:32:09.209
a long time. What's he doing? Shared a manager

03:32:09.209 --> 03:32:11.250
for a while. I bet he murders. He seems like

03:32:11.250 --> 03:32:14.010
a fun guy. He was great on Chappelle's show.

03:32:14.309 --> 03:32:16.270
That's what I'm saying. He was fun on that. He

03:32:16.270 --> 03:32:18.770
could make fun of himself. What is he doing?

03:32:19.270 --> 03:32:21.870
Oh, you know what he does? There's a show. Let's

03:32:21.870 --> 03:32:23.729
make a deal. That show, Let's Make a Deal. Oh,

03:32:23.729 --> 03:32:25.989
he's still doing that? Wow, he's been doing that

03:32:25.989 --> 03:32:28.010
for like 15 years then, right? That's good money.

03:32:28.190 --> 03:32:31.389
No, no, no. When it started, I was working in

03:32:31.389 --> 03:32:35.340
a car garage in Philly. Quit bragging. And it

03:32:35.340 --> 03:32:39.239
was always on the TV. Every morning, that show,

03:32:39.440 --> 03:32:41.879
dude. I watched that show every day. Oh, yeah?

03:32:42.040 --> 03:32:44.100
For three years, I watched that fucking show.

03:32:44.239 --> 03:32:46.540
Yeah. I'd be like, I gotta make a change to my

03:32:46.540 --> 03:32:48.559
life. I used to watch Price is Right every day.

03:32:48.620 --> 03:32:50.959
How long has he been on that show? It's not been

03:32:50.959 --> 03:32:54.239
that long. I want to say it's 15 years. I bet

03:32:54.239 --> 03:32:57.700
it's eight or seven. Is it still going? Yeah,

03:32:57.700 --> 03:32:59.340
they do. I think they might have even started

03:32:59.340 --> 03:33:03.000
doing it in Vegas. Well, pull it up. It started

03:33:03.000 --> 03:33:06.559
in 2009. I bet he's a good hang. Oh, okay. I'll

03:33:06.559 --> 03:33:09.899
tell you a story. 12 years. 13 years. This is

03:33:09.899 --> 03:33:12.459
not happening. So it was my job to go over with

03:33:12.459 --> 03:33:14.079
the comedians. Like, hey, what are you doing?

03:33:14.159 --> 03:33:15.239
Do you need help? Do you need me to come watch

03:33:15.239 --> 03:33:17.559
your set and give you tips and stuff and say

03:33:17.559 --> 03:33:18.860
where there's weak spots, where there's not?

03:33:19.000 --> 03:33:21.079
Real comics, I wouldn't. Not even real comics.

03:33:21.159 --> 03:33:22.799
Like, Norman, I'm like, you're covered. Diaz

03:33:22.799 --> 03:33:24.530
was like, whatever you want, man. Just come in.

03:33:24.590 --> 03:33:26.389
Here's the time to be there. But some guys, you

03:33:26.389 --> 03:33:27.989
go over them. What are you doing? Especially

03:33:27.989 --> 03:33:29.629
people who don't know the show. So I had to call

03:33:29.629 --> 03:33:32.010
him. They were like, he can only do a call this

03:33:32.010 --> 03:33:35.329
time. And I called him. I was like, hey, glad

03:33:35.329 --> 03:33:36.690
you're doing the show. Thank you. So this is

03:33:36.690 --> 03:33:38.469
the show. I don't know. Do you have experience

03:33:38.469 --> 03:33:40.729
with live performance? He goes, do you know who

03:33:40.729 --> 03:33:43.309
the fuck I am? Yeah, I do live performance. And

03:33:43.309 --> 03:33:44.950
then he pulled out of it. That's fair, though.

03:33:45.110 --> 03:33:46.590
He pulled out of the show. He was like, I'm not

03:33:46.590 --> 03:33:48.930
doing this. Really? I was like, he was never

03:33:48.930 --> 03:33:51.879
going to try. Yeah. You pulled out of the show

03:33:51.879 --> 03:33:53.659
because you asked him if you've ever done live

03:33:53.659 --> 03:33:55.059
performance? I was nervous. I was nervous to

03:33:55.059 --> 03:33:56.700
talk to him. I was like, I liked you on Whose

03:33:56.700 --> 03:33:58.620
Line Is It Anyway? I don't know. But that was

03:33:58.620 --> 03:34:00.440
live performance. How could you imagine that

03:34:00.440 --> 03:34:02.020
he doesn't do live performance? Because I guess

03:34:02.020 --> 03:34:03.940
he does live shows. He does improv and stuff.

03:34:04.000 --> 03:34:05.440
I'm like, I don't know. I don't know. I'm just

03:34:05.440 --> 03:34:07.200
trying to say, like, it started. So I'm like,

03:34:07.260 --> 03:34:08.719
so here's the show. You can say whatever you

03:34:08.719 --> 03:34:11.020
want. Wow. I'll protect you with the editing.

03:34:11.579 --> 03:34:14.079
And he got mad. He was not in the mood. You could

03:34:14.079 --> 03:34:16.340
just tell he was like. You know the stories when

03:34:16.340 --> 03:34:17.620
you're on the road of, like, who's the worst

03:34:17.620 --> 03:34:19.620
at morning radio? You ask the person taking you,

03:34:19.680 --> 03:34:20.860
and they're like, oh, this guy hates it. And

03:34:20.860 --> 03:34:22.020
you're like, oh, they hate it because they think

03:34:22.020 --> 03:34:24.280
they're bigger than this. It was like, he doesn't

03:34:24.280 --> 03:34:25.680
want to talk to some guy he's never heard of

03:34:25.680 --> 03:34:27.319
about how to do his fucking... I think you missed

03:34:27.319 --> 03:34:28.899
out there, because I bet he'd have... Wouldn't

03:34:28.899 --> 03:34:30.479
it be great to hear some crazy story about him

03:34:30.479 --> 03:34:32.459
getting cracked on his ass or something? Yeah,

03:34:32.459 --> 03:34:34.360
your stupid fucking question ruined everything.

03:34:34.760 --> 03:34:38.680
Nice going, dumbass. Have you tried to bring

03:34:38.680 --> 03:34:40.969
that show back somewhere else? After I do this

03:34:40.969 --> 03:34:42.930
next special, I feel like I'm going to do it.

03:34:42.989 --> 03:34:46.030
How good was that? Killer. How good was that

03:34:46.030 --> 03:34:48.649
storytelling show? At the Gramercy? So I like

03:34:48.649 --> 03:34:51.670
to do a secret lineup where it's like every time

03:34:51.670 --> 03:34:53.950
I give you a great show. Tell the lineup. Tell

03:34:53.950 --> 03:34:56.629
the people at home. So first out the gate, I

03:34:56.629 --> 03:34:58.170
was like, all right, here's a great show. I haven't

03:34:58.170 --> 03:35:00.850
sold out Gramercy just on this is the show. It's

03:35:00.850 --> 03:35:03.309
coming back. What was the date? What was the

03:35:03.309 --> 03:35:07.329
date? February 15th. February, something like

03:35:07.329 --> 03:35:09.489
that. February, February. Yeah. And I was like,

03:35:09.549 --> 03:35:11.409
all right, guys, I do my story. I always try

03:35:11.409 --> 03:35:13.090
to go up top, do something strong. And then I

03:35:13.090 --> 03:35:14.729
was like, all right, please welcome first comic,

03:35:14.909 --> 03:35:18.389
Shane Gillis. They don't know what they're getting.

03:35:18.549 --> 03:35:21.729
Right. And they were just like, bah! Dude, and

03:35:21.729 --> 03:35:23.309
that was the fun part because, like, I'm not

03:35:23.309 --> 03:35:25.610
used to a pop. So, like, that pop, I was like,

03:35:25.709 --> 03:35:27.950
oh, this is going to be fun. I passed you. I

03:35:27.950 --> 03:35:30.809
was like, right? I know. Wow. Yeah. Even the

03:35:30.809 --> 03:35:34.409
Asians went nuts. It was Shane Gillis. Who was

03:35:34.409 --> 03:35:37.969
next? Shane Gillis, Tim Dillon. Oh, shit. Yeah.

03:35:39.000 --> 03:35:42.620
Chris DiStefano. Oh, shit. I'm missing somebody.

03:35:42.760 --> 03:35:44.879
Sal Vulcano had to step in because Norman had

03:35:44.879 --> 03:35:46.479
to fucking run away to a spot and come back.

03:35:46.680 --> 03:35:50.879
Sorry. I had to get a spot in. It was around

03:35:50.879 --> 03:35:52.959
the corner. So crazy. So crazy. You won that

03:35:52.959 --> 03:35:56.120
fucking Vespa thing? No, that got stolen. Again?

03:35:56.579 --> 03:35:59.700
Well, fun fact, by the way. Just to interject

03:35:59.700 --> 03:36:04.019
here. That got stolen. My friend found it. In

03:36:04.019 --> 03:36:06.239
Chinatown, covered up. I saw the video. He stole

03:36:06.239 --> 03:36:08.280
it back. Of course. He walked it to the police

03:36:08.280 --> 03:36:10.319
station. I picked it up a week later from the

03:36:10.319 --> 03:36:12.750
police station. I was on the road. And the guy

03:36:12.750 --> 03:36:14.709
goes, it's like eight cops milling about. He

03:36:14.709 --> 03:36:16.950
goes, you sound familiar. And I go, yeah, you

03:36:16.950 --> 03:36:19.049
know. He goes, are you on Legion of Skanks? I

03:36:19.049 --> 03:36:22.129
go, oh, yeah, a few times. He goes, we love Legion

03:36:22.129 --> 03:36:24.209
of Skanks. All the cops do this shit. They're

03:36:24.209 --> 03:36:26.209
doing the hand motion. They're doing the symbol.

03:36:26.430 --> 03:36:28.290
What is the hand symbol? It's this. It's like.

03:36:29.290 --> 03:36:31.030
Skank hands. It's skank hands. I don't know.

03:36:31.569 --> 03:36:33.770
It's their logo. What is skank hands? What does

03:36:33.770 --> 03:36:35.649
that mean? It's a Legion of Skanks logo. Dude.

03:36:35.790 --> 03:36:38.489
Imagine it. There you go. Oh, OK. NYP. What the

03:36:38.489 --> 03:36:39.790
fuck are you wearing, dude? Do you have a shirt

03:36:39.790 --> 03:36:41.590
on? A Legion of Skanks shirt? Yeah. I got my

03:36:41.590 --> 03:36:44.069
first shirt from Skate Fest 1. Damn, he was sweating.

03:36:45.889 --> 03:36:50.879
There you go. You fool. He gets belligerent when

03:36:50.879 --> 03:36:55.659
he gets drunk. 13 beers in. 13 beers in. What

03:36:55.659 --> 03:36:57.500
are you guys talking about, dude? I'm just trying

03:36:57.500 --> 03:37:00.559
to have a good time. There it is. Oh, he's going

03:37:00.559 --> 03:37:02.840
to hate this. Oh, pedophile shirt. Yeah. I sold

03:37:02.840 --> 03:37:06.079
these at Skankfest 1. Wow. They sold like hotcakes.

03:37:06.239 --> 03:37:08.180
They really did. But yeah, so we got the bike

03:37:08.180 --> 03:37:10.040
back. But yeah, yeah. I was always on foot that

03:37:10.040 --> 03:37:11.799
night. Wait, who else was on that show? DeStefano?

03:37:11.860 --> 03:37:15.600
Samaril. Samaril. And somebody else. You, Sal

03:37:15.600 --> 03:37:19.409
jumped in for you. DeStefano. And then we closed

03:37:19.409 --> 03:37:22.809
it out. That's a great fucking show. Ari Shaffir's

03:37:22.809 --> 03:37:24.930
Renamed Storyteller Show is back, and it was

03:37:24.930 --> 03:37:28.209
a banger. So that's what you've been running

03:37:28.209 --> 03:37:31.049
with, Renamed Storyteller Show. Who knows what

03:37:31.049 --> 03:37:33.409
I'll call it, but we should do it again. Maybe

03:37:33.409 --> 03:37:36.610
at the new club, Joe. It was so good. Let's do

03:37:36.610 --> 03:37:41.670
it. Hitting them with a fucking no lineup every

03:37:41.670 --> 03:37:44.409
time to pop. Because they'd be happy with just

03:37:44.409 --> 03:37:46.889
a good show. And then they get a guy, not only...

03:37:47.020 --> 03:37:49.780
A guy they know, but an amazing comic that they

03:37:49.780 --> 03:37:52.940
know. Right. Yeah. It's so fun to hear that pop

03:37:52.940 --> 03:37:54.219
in the audience, to give that audience, like,

03:37:54.260 --> 03:37:56.659
hey, thanks for coming. Here's your reward. And

03:37:56.659 --> 03:37:58.940
I thought the story I told, I was like, I don't

03:37:58.940 --> 03:38:00.899
know if this is funny. And then it killed, and

03:38:00.899 --> 03:38:03.280
I was like, oh, nice. It's a closer. Now I got

03:38:03.280 --> 03:38:05.600
a closer. Now you got a bit. Yeah. I told Tim

03:38:05.600 --> 03:38:08.159
also. Tim had a great one. And then we did a

03:38:08.159 --> 03:38:10.520
Q &A at the end, and Sal went in the crowd with

03:38:10.520 --> 03:38:12.840
a mic and was asking people questions. It was

03:38:12.840 --> 03:38:14.260
awesome. It was awesome. It all worked out. It

03:38:14.260 --> 03:38:17.020
all came together. Nice. Yeah, Tim, after that,

03:38:17.079 --> 03:38:18.760
called our agent. We had the same agent. And

03:38:18.760 --> 03:38:20.360
he was like, hey, get me in the Gramercy more.

03:38:20.620 --> 03:38:23.420
Yeah. And then Tim showed us his Long Island

03:38:23.420 --> 03:38:25.159
house. How many seats is the Gramercy? 400. Oh,

03:38:25.159 --> 03:38:27.819
it's perfect. It's perfect. 425. Yeah. We were

03:38:27.819 --> 03:38:29.360
talking last night, like, if you had to choose

03:38:29.360 --> 03:38:31.459
between you could do an arena anytime you want

03:38:31.459 --> 03:38:34.559
or you could do a 500 -seat room for the rest

03:38:34.559 --> 03:38:37.979
of time. Not 500. 280. Yeah, but, I mean, like,

03:38:37.979 --> 03:38:39.799
that's as big as you can get. You can never get

03:38:39.799 --> 03:38:41.940
any bigger than 500. Or you could do arenas,

03:38:41.940 --> 03:38:44.780
but only arenas. I would say no way. No way what?

03:38:45.120 --> 03:38:48.860
Don't we ever do only arenas? Arenas are wild.

03:38:49.479 --> 03:38:52.979
It's not comedy. It's comedy. Well, it's a presentation

03:38:52.979 --> 03:38:55.600
more. It's a different style. It's not a vibe.

03:38:55.659 --> 03:38:58.340
It's not an interaction. What have you done arenas

03:38:58.340 --> 03:39:00.709
-wise? Did the garden. A couple times. Who'd

03:39:00.709 --> 03:39:03.030
you do that with? Schumer, Louie. That's a pretty

03:39:03.030 --> 03:39:06.409
good answer. And then I did Carnegie Hall. That

03:39:06.409 --> 03:39:09.430
was awesome. The most iconic. Yeah, I did the

03:39:09.430 --> 03:39:12.969
Forum. All right, all right. Yeah, the fucking

03:39:12.969 --> 03:39:15.930
hockey arena in Detroit. I've done a good run.

03:39:16.149 --> 03:39:19.270
You just don't like it as much. No, no. It's

03:39:19.270 --> 03:39:21.030
cool. It's a cool experience. I did a show with

03:39:21.030 --> 03:39:23.030
O 'Neal. We did the Vic in Chicago. I'll be back

03:39:23.030 --> 03:39:24.530
in June. How is that? And you'll be there, too.

03:39:24.590 --> 03:39:25.670
I'm there in June. You'll be there the day before

03:39:25.670 --> 03:39:27.979
me. Hey! June 17th, June 18th. I'll promote.

03:39:28.399 --> 03:39:32.020
Okay, thanks. Come back to this old guy. We sold

03:39:32.020 --> 03:39:33.420
it out like three days before. Come see this

03:39:33.420 --> 03:39:35.079
fucking dead geezer. And they go, do you want

03:39:35.079 --> 03:39:36.319
to do another one? I'm like, there's no time.

03:39:36.340 --> 03:39:37.719
There's no time to sell another one. So instead

03:39:37.719 --> 03:39:40.159
we did Zany's, which is like an 80 -seat room.

03:39:40.360 --> 03:39:42.879
So we went from that 1 ,200 -seat room to an

03:39:42.879 --> 03:39:46.139
80 -seat room. It was so wildly different. It

03:39:46.139 --> 03:39:49.170
was so interesting, the change. Well, this has

03:39:49.170 --> 03:39:51.430
changed just from the rooms in the store. Just

03:39:51.430 --> 03:39:54.770
the 400 in the main room, 190 in the OR, and

03:39:54.770 --> 03:39:57.649
then 90 upstairs. Yeah, true. Big fucking difference

03:39:57.649 --> 03:40:00.149
in the way it feels. The thing about those 90

03:40:00.149 --> 03:40:02.450
-seat rooms, it's like a truth serum. You find

03:40:02.450 --> 03:40:04.370
out what's bullshit in your act. You can kind

03:40:04.370 --> 03:40:05.889
of get away with a lot of nonsense when there's

03:40:05.889 --> 03:40:07.649
a large crowd. That's true. When it's a small

03:40:07.649 --> 03:40:11.110
crowd. Everything that you say that sounds insincere

03:40:11.110 --> 03:40:14.010
sounds like fucking dirt crumbling out of your

03:40:14.010 --> 03:40:17.809
mouth. It just seems terrible. Oh, yeah. There's

03:40:17.809 --> 03:40:21.350
no fluidity to it. It just seems like shit. I

03:40:21.350 --> 03:40:23.629
think I said this on the last ep, but the booze

03:40:23.629 --> 03:40:27.750
is kicking. No one remembers. I saw Bill Burr

03:40:27.750 --> 03:40:29.409
do a bit in the belly room, and it was like,

03:40:29.409 --> 03:40:31.610
eh. And then he went to the OR, and it did okay.

03:40:31.729 --> 03:40:33.149
And then he did it in the main room, and it...

03:40:33.340 --> 03:40:35.559
killed, but he tweaked it the whole way. And

03:40:35.559 --> 03:40:38.360
it was like a master class in comedy. So Bursette

03:40:38.360 --> 03:40:40.200
Amiro is in New York. He goes, if you use that

03:40:40.200 --> 03:40:42.540
right, you're going to see how crazy good it

03:40:42.540 --> 03:40:45.219
is for you. Yeah. All in one building. Amazing.

03:40:45.299 --> 03:40:46.979
You do six shows in a night and you just like

03:40:46.979 --> 03:40:49.020
tweak, tweak, tweak, tweak, tweak until it's

03:40:49.020 --> 03:40:51.219
like there. Yeah. Right away you get the fucking

03:40:51.219 --> 03:40:54.659
reps. This is a gay Burr story. This is funny,

03:40:54.760 --> 03:40:56.920
though. I love a gay Burr. Is he spitting his

03:40:56.920 --> 03:40:59.979
ass? No, it's about me. Oh, okay. He's spitting

03:40:59.979 --> 03:41:02.659
yours? It's more of a me thing. Correct. Of all

03:41:02.659 --> 03:41:05.360
the dudes I met, like, after you get canceled

03:41:05.360 --> 03:41:07.659
by, and, like, people know your name, they've

03:41:07.659 --> 03:41:10.479
never seen you. Yeah. Chappelle, like, we went

03:41:10.479 --> 03:41:13.000
and hung out. Like, everybody, Louis, we all

03:41:13.000 --> 03:41:16.280
hung out and talked. Burr was the one guy, he

03:41:16.280 --> 03:41:19.100
went and saw me do, he followed me at the stand.

03:41:19.760 --> 03:41:21.540
The only thing he said to me, I got done to go,

03:41:21.620 --> 03:41:23.600
ah, you're funny, you're going to be fine. It

03:41:23.600 --> 03:41:27.479
was like fully, fully like he watched it to be

03:41:27.479 --> 03:41:30.020
like, who is this guy? I've heard of him. As

03:41:30.020 --> 03:41:32.139
soon as I walked in that tiny hallway at the

03:41:32.139 --> 03:41:34.120
stand, he goes, ah, you're funny, you're going

03:41:34.120 --> 03:41:36.020
to be fine. That's huge. It was like, oh, fuck.

03:41:36.020 --> 03:41:37.920
He told Jay when Jay was like, couldn't afford

03:41:37.920 --> 03:41:40.180
to go to the Maui Festival because like he couldn't

03:41:40.180 --> 03:41:42.579
afford to miss in -town spots for the 200 bucks

03:41:42.579 --> 03:41:46.639
he was making. Maui? Maui had a festival? Yeah,

03:41:46.719 --> 03:41:49.319
one year. It was great. That's where we saw that

03:41:49.319 --> 03:41:52.040
fight. Yeah. But Chambers was at the end of his

03:41:52.040 --> 03:41:54.120
rope. He's like, how am I not making, you know,

03:41:54.200 --> 03:41:56.379
he's as funny as he is. And he's like, I'm barely

03:41:56.379 --> 03:41:59.319
getting by. And Burr had to calm down. He's like,

03:41:59.379 --> 03:42:01.420
dude, the pendulum will swing to alt. It'll swing

03:42:01.420 --> 03:42:03.239
back. And when it swings back to mainstream,

03:42:03.520 --> 03:42:07.600
you will be so prepared. Yeah. It's true. That's

03:42:07.600 --> 03:42:08.840
what happened. There you go. It's doing great

03:42:08.840 --> 03:42:13.059
now. It happens. Funny tends to win. Funny is

03:42:13.059 --> 03:42:16.209
like, yeah, bottom line. It's also your ability

03:42:16.209 --> 03:42:18.629
to promote funny is so much different than ever

03:42:18.629 --> 03:42:21.610
before. Yeah. With social media. There's all

03:42:21.610 --> 03:42:23.930
these channels. You remember the old days we

03:42:23.930 --> 03:42:26.110
used to do morning radio? You had to. You had

03:42:26.110 --> 03:42:27.950
to. They didn't know you were in town. There

03:42:27.950 --> 03:42:29.909
was only one way for them to find out you were

03:42:29.909 --> 03:42:32.469
in town. You had to do Chucky and Bucky's fucking

03:42:32.469 --> 03:42:36.209
morning shit bucket. Yeah. I'm still doing those.

03:42:36.430 --> 03:42:40.459
I am too. Do they work? No. Some markets. Never.

03:42:40.659 --> 03:42:42.979
Some markets work. Everybody always says some

03:42:42.979 --> 03:42:46.500
markets. I mean, Burt does them. Yeah, but Burt

03:42:46.500 --> 03:42:47.620
does everything. No, there's a few that still

03:42:47.620 --> 03:42:49.280
work. You have to ask them, like, does this actually

03:42:49.280 --> 03:42:50.860
move tickets? And they go, I don't know. Then

03:42:50.860 --> 03:42:54.420
no. I did Rochester. I did the, what's it called,

03:42:54.520 --> 03:43:00.369
the Blue Room? No, that's in Missouri. Rochester's

03:43:00.369 --> 03:43:03.010
Carlson. The Comedy of the Carlson. So I did

03:43:03.010 --> 03:43:07.610
it. They made me do a fucking Zoom. I did that

03:43:07.610 --> 03:43:11.149
too. Dude, I did a Zoom to local news. They're

03:43:11.149 --> 03:43:14.750
like, Sean Gillis. And I was just in my hotel

03:43:14.750 --> 03:43:18.290
room like, hey. It was so bad. Sean Gillis. And

03:43:18.290 --> 03:43:20.069
I was like, this will never work. This will never

03:43:20.069 --> 03:43:22.309
work. We get to the club. The owner's there.

03:43:22.670 --> 03:43:24.549
The first thing I said on stage, I was like,

03:43:24.610 --> 03:43:27.329
how many of you guys saw me on fucking WKPM?

03:43:28.270 --> 03:43:30.809
Not one. And I was like, can we stop doing it?

03:43:31.010 --> 03:43:33.329
Right. And he was like, yeah, for sure. Never

03:43:33.329 --> 03:43:36.590
again. It's silly. Dude, I had to do local news

03:43:36.590 --> 03:43:39.809
on a Zoom, hung over in a chair. You know the

03:43:39.809 --> 03:43:42.549
chair in the hotel room? Yeah. The disgusting

03:43:42.549 --> 03:43:45.889
office chair. The greatest thing that ever happened

03:43:45.889 --> 03:43:48.270
to those TV shows was when Tom Segura came up

03:43:48.270 --> 03:43:53.319
with that DJ dad mouth. Yeah. It would show up

03:43:53.319 --> 03:43:54.719
because he had already sold out all his shows.

03:43:54.799 --> 03:43:56.760
That was when Tom was starting to pop. So they

03:43:56.760 --> 03:43:59.120
made him do it anyway because it was contractually

03:43:59.120 --> 03:44:01.459
obligated to have the comics show up at the TV

03:44:01.459 --> 03:44:03.879
show. So he would show up with a gold chain on

03:44:03.879 --> 03:44:06.239
and come out as non -binary. They didn't know

03:44:06.239 --> 03:44:09.680
what to do with him. You ever see those? I have,

03:44:09.719 --> 03:44:11.420
yeah. He's like, I'm not using you to sell tickets.

03:44:11.639 --> 03:44:14.040
I'm using you to sell tickets next year. This

03:44:14.040 --> 03:44:16.680
will be on YouTube. You got some great ones.

03:44:16.680 --> 03:44:18.139
Oh, yeah, Norman has some great ones. Norman

03:44:18.139 --> 03:44:20.819
on local news. I had a good run off that. You

03:44:20.819 --> 03:44:22.620
shared it. Appreciate it. Yeah, you had some

03:44:22.620 --> 03:44:24.659
good ones. That one helped me a lot. I've done

03:44:24.659 --> 03:44:27.040
all these Conans and late nights. Not a needle

03:44:27.040 --> 03:44:30.620
moved. That thing. Big pop, dude. Yeah, those

03:44:30.620 --> 03:44:32.620
things, those late night things don't work anymore.

03:44:32.620 --> 03:44:34.760
Tracy Morgan is one of those iconic clips. Yeah.

03:44:34.780 --> 03:44:36.360
Everybody's about to get pregnant. Right. It's

03:44:36.360 --> 03:44:38.159
like, I don't even know when we get pregnant.

03:44:38.180 --> 03:44:40.659
Yeah. Slap in the stomach. Dude, Bobby Lee, too.

03:44:40.819 --> 03:44:42.819
Oh, yeah. I mean, you guys, Burt, every time

03:44:42.819 --> 03:44:44.700
Burt would take off his shirt, those things,

03:44:44.760 --> 03:44:47.299
I mean, he sells a lot of tickets. The crazy

03:44:47.299 --> 03:44:49.399
thing about Burt and the shirt thing is. Nobody

03:44:49.399 --> 03:44:51.260
can take their shirt off on stage now. He owns

03:44:51.260 --> 03:44:54.719
that. Yeah. True. He owns that. Of course. Damn.

03:44:54.760 --> 03:44:56.379
He owns that. If Shane, if you just started,

03:44:56.479 --> 03:44:58.020
oh, I'm going to start taking my shirt off on

03:44:58.020 --> 03:44:59.659
stage. I'm more comfortable that way. Burt would

03:44:59.659 --> 03:45:01.319
get mad at you. Shane would never. He'd go, hey.

03:45:01.500 --> 03:45:04.819
Hey, that's my idea. I'm not built like Burt,

03:45:04.819 --> 03:45:07.299
dude. That's true. Burt's an Adonis. I'd be like

03:45:07.299 --> 03:45:11.000
a sloppy Fett. Right. Take your shirt off and

03:45:11.000 --> 03:45:13.479
be like, people would be like, nah. Yeah, this

03:45:13.479 --> 03:45:16.020
is upsetting. Do you think Burt is not a sloppy

03:45:16.020 --> 03:45:19.000
fat? No, no, no. He's a hard fat. No, he's an

03:45:19.000 --> 03:45:21.100
absolute hard fat. He looks pregnant. That's

03:45:21.100 --> 03:45:24.180
just alcohol. Yeah. It's pushed out as far as

03:45:24.180 --> 03:45:25.780
I can go. I got St. Leach's packed in. I think

03:45:25.780 --> 03:45:28.520
if he wasn't fat, he would be in worse shape.

03:45:28.639 --> 03:45:31.020
He would be in worse health. Sorry, I'm drunk.

03:45:31.159 --> 03:45:33.799
He'd be in worse health. I think the fat is like

03:45:33.799 --> 03:45:35.639
helping him. Get one more. Get one more whiskey.

03:45:35.819 --> 03:45:39.360
You should be a doctor. I think if he was thin,

03:45:39.479 --> 03:45:43.340
he'd be ruined. You're right. I think you're

03:45:43.340 --> 03:45:47.079
doing good, Phat. I think Phat is where you shine.

03:45:48.180 --> 03:45:52.719
Oh, boy. Look out for the big girls. They're

03:45:52.719 --> 03:45:55.959
coming. 14 beers in. I am astounded. He's crazy,

03:45:56.180 --> 03:45:58.780
dude. He's going to destroy Australia. He's going

03:45:58.780 --> 03:46:00.659
to bury the whole country. You're going to have

03:46:00.659 --> 03:46:05.239
a blast. It's fun. UK in May. See how they drink.

03:46:05.459 --> 03:46:09.200
That should be fun. This is all light beer, dude.

03:46:09.280 --> 03:46:12.280
The second we switch to like IPAs. Oh, IPAs are

03:46:12.280 --> 03:46:14.659
evil. Dude, I black out after like two. Yeah,

03:46:14.700 --> 03:46:17.360
me too. Immediately. How much alcohol is in a

03:46:17.360 --> 03:46:20.299
light beer? Nothing. I thought it was a calorie

03:46:20.299 --> 03:46:23.200
thing. Is it alcohol by volume as well? That's

03:46:23.200 --> 03:46:26.690
water. Yeah. I don't know. Dude, you can't drink

03:46:26.690 --> 03:46:31.049
14 anythings. You can. I can't drink 14 Pepsis.

03:46:31.129 --> 03:46:33.430
How the fuck can you drink 14 of those, man?

03:46:33.590 --> 03:46:35.530
That's a good point. It's a lot of water. That's

03:46:35.530 --> 03:46:38.090
a lot of... Yeah, I might have diabetes. I probably

03:46:38.090 --> 03:46:40.889
do have diabetes. If you drank 14 waters, it

03:46:40.889 --> 03:46:43.629
would be a lot. I'll never check. I'll never

03:46:43.629 --> 03:46:46.680
go to the doctor. Don't check if you have diabetes.

03:46:46.739 --> 03:46:49.559
I'm never going to the doctor. Don't go. That's

03:46:49.559 --> 03:46:51.559
how you get diabetes is by checking. Yeah, dude.

03:46:51.719 --> 03:46:54.020
You ever see Warren Zevon go on Letterman? No.

03:46:54.399 --> 03:46:56.959
I like him. Yeah, I never went to the doctor.

03:46:57.059 --> 03:46:58.600
I showed up once. They were like, you got lung

03:46:58.600 --> 03:47:02.120
cancer. He was like, fuck the doctors. Yeah,

03:47:02.120 --> 03:47:05.920
yeah. Yeah. I mean, dude, I went to an allergist

03:47:05.920 --> 03:47:07.780
because I knew I was going to get fucked up.

03:47:08.739 --> 03:47:11.790
The last three years I get. destroyed by allergies.

03:47:12.010 --> 03:47:14.090
I get in there, they check my blood pressure,

03:47:14.190 --> 03:47:17.069
they're like, you alright? I was like, what the

03:47:17.069 --> 03:47:20.350
fuck is this, dude? That's the worst part about

03:47:20.350 --> 03:47:21.989
going to the doctor. They're like, how much do

03:47:21.989 --> 03:47:24.969
you weigh? 240? They're like, alright, let's

03:47:24.969 --> 03:47:31.889
weigh you. Why don't you ask me after? 268? It's

03:47:31.889 --> 03:47:38.399
like, alright. I was fibbing. Hey, Bert told

03:47:38.399 --> 03:47:39.899
me he'd finally give me the fucking Molly cast

03:47:39.899 --> 03:47:43.440
to release. The who? The MDMA cast. You're going

03:47:43.440 --> 03:47:45.139
to let that out? Yeah, he said he'd give it to

03:47:45.139 --> 03:47:46.780
me and let me put it up. I don't think he's giving

03:47:46.780 --> 03:47:49.159
you that. Is it his show? He recorded it, yeah.

03:47:49.399 --> 03:47:52.420
He's not giving you that. Molly rules. Is he

03:47:52.420 --> 03:47:55.200
forgiving you for all that? He has, but he still

03:47:55.200 --> 03:47:57.540
loves to fucking say how fucking victimized he

03:47:57.540 --> 03:48:00.299
was on every podcast he goes on. A dork. I'm

03:48:00.299 --> 03:48:02.780
bummed I missed that hang. I got caught in traffic.

03:48:02.920 --> 03:48:05.569
We had a dose for you. Yeah. Were you going to

03:48:05.569 --> 03:48:07.670
dose him without telling him, too? Yeah. How

03:48:07.670 --> 03:48:09.510
would you have felt about that? I was hanging

03:48:09.510 --> 03:48:12.590
out in L .A. I'm on vacation. So you're fine

03:48:12.590 --> 03:48:15.290
getting dosed? Yeah. Bring it on. Now you know.

03:48:15.690 --> 03:48:18.549
Yeah, if you get hit with Molly, it's like, oh,

03:48:18.569 --> 03:48:20.590
shit, you just hit me with the best time of all

03:48:20.590 --> 03:48:24.000
time. You're getting Molly from Ari who's getting

03:48:24.000 --> 03:48:25.680
it from some comic who's probably getting it

03:48:25.680 --> 03:48:28.440
from a gangbanger. For sure. Who knows what's

03:48:28.440 --> 03:48:30.340
in it? You get it from Kate Quigley. I'll take

03:48:30.340 --> 03:48:31.739
it. It's not like I've never done Molly. I get

03:48:31.739 --> 03:48:34.920
it from the best. Where are you getting your

03:48:34.920 --> 03:48:36.840
Molly from? Are you testing it for purity? The

03:48:36.840 --> 03:48:40.120
best source in New York. I do it once a year.

03:48:40.200 --> 03:48:43.739
I do it once a month. Once a month? Easy there,

03:48:43.799 --> 03:48:46.639
old man. I was doing it over COVID. I was doing

03:48:46.639 --> 03:48:51.079
it once every two weeks. Come on! We're doing

03:48:51.079 --> 03:48:53.040
it all the time. I was doing a show at Helium.

03:48:53.219 --> 03:48:54.860
I remember that. Yeah, you did Molly at that.

03:48:54.860 --> 03:48:56.459
You did Molly at a show? Yeah, that was bad.

03:48:56.680 --> 03:48:58.280
Every time. I had to get out of there. It was

03:48:58.280 --> 03:49:00.840
the first time I ever did Molly, and Jay brought

03:49:00.840 --> 03:49:04.700
me back on stage. And, dude. It was ugly. So

03:49:04.700 --> 03:49:06.700
we all did Molly, and they kind of peer pressured

03:49:06.700 --> 03:49:10.379
us into doing it. And Jay, I took Molly. I was

03:49:10.379 --> 03:49:12.239
like, I never take Molly in my life. Shane goes

03:49:12.239 --> 03:49:14.979
for it. Shane will go for it. And Jay was like,

03:49:15.100 --> 03:49:17.719
Shane, come back out on stage. As soon as he

03:49:17.719 --> 03:49:20.100
said that, I was in the green room. Dude, it

03:49:20.100 --> 03:49:24.459
hit. Immediately. I went on stage just like sweating.

03:49:24.979 --> 03:49:27.600
I was like, guys, I can't even talk. Yeah. I

03:49:27.600 --> 03:49:29.940
was like, I genuinely I can't speak. I remember

03:49:29.940 --> 03:49:33.979
that. I was like, guys, I'm on. ecstasy. But

03:49:33.979 --> 03:49:36.379
that was the best. I'm spitting coffee on myself.

03:49:36.600 --> 03:49:40.200
Sloss got a Kai Humphries. He's Scottish, Northern

03:49:40.200 --> 03:49:42.239
English comics and he dosed him with Molly and

03:49:42.239 --> 03:49:44.280
they're watching him on stage host his show and

03:49:44.280 --> 03:49:45.860
they're just watching him get more and more fucked

03:49:45.860 --> 03:49:47.739
up and be like, oh, what a great show. You guys

03:49:47.739 --> 03:49:51.000
are amazing. This is the best show of all time.

03:49:51.200 --> 03:49:52.840
And he gets off stage and they're all ready to

03:49:52.840 --> 03:49:54.520
laugh and he goes, you idiots, you think this

03:49:54.520 --> 03:49:55.639
is the first time I've been dosed with Molly?

03:49:56.879 --> 03:49:59.180
You don't think I know what's in my system suddenly?

03:49:59.700 --> 03:50:02.590
It's been so long. That was years ago when I

03:50:02.590 --> 03:50:04.129
did it. Was it two years ago, three years ago?

03:50:04.290 --> 03:50:07.430
No, it was COVID. It was two years ago, okay.

03:50:09.040 --> 03:50:11.600
I took a bus ride home that night. That was the

03:50:11.600 --> 03:50:13.260
craziest thing on earth. That you didn't stay

03:50:13.260 --> 03:50:15.799
over. I just panicked. I get it. Because we were

03:50:15.799 --> 03:50:19.239
surrounded by Jay's minions. Yes. So it was like,

03:50:19.239 --> 03:50:21.020
all right, let's get the fuck out. Anytime I

03:50:21.020 --> 03:50:23.180
took Molly at that show, I would go sit in the

03:50:23.180 --> 03:50:25.739
manager's office by myself. Right. Anytime I

03:50:25.739 --> 03:50:27.620
took Molly at that show was a hilarious statement.

03:50:28.319 --> 03:50:31.100
How many times did you take Molly? Many times,

03:50:31.139 --> 03:50:33.600
yes. Many times, no. It was a great show. It

03:50:33.600 --> 03:50:35.700
was such a good show. It was a good show. And

03:50:35.700 --> 03:50:37.680
the bus ride was great. And we were the only

03:50:37.680 --> 03:50:39.500
ones doing it. Because it was in the middle of

03:50:39.500 --> 03:50:42.299
COVID. Right. Helium would just let us do it.

03:50:42.340 --> 03:50:43.920
And Grossum was like, stay. Stay as long as you

03:50:43.920 --> 03:50:46.360
want. Oh, dude. We would stay until 5 a .m. What

03:50:46.360 --> 03:50:48.819
was he doing? Was he testing people? Was he just

03:50:48.819 --> 03:50:50.440
letting anybody in? How did he do it? What's

03:50:50.440 --> 03:50:53.389
that? At Helium during the middle of COVID? No,

03:50:53.510 --> 03:50:55.969
dude. I don't think testing. If you could fill

03:50:55.969 --> 03:50:59.690
it up. Space it out. Yeah, you space it out.

03:50:59.709 --> 03:51:02.329
That shit does not work at all. Not at all. No

03:51:02.329 --> 03:51:04.329
glass or anything. That six feet thing, that's

03:51:04.329 --> 03:51:08.149
so crazy. You get 180 people indoors going, ha,

03:51:08.370 --> 03:51:11.290
ha. It's like, how's that going to work? That

03:51:11.290 --> 03:51:13.809
was disproven. Totally disproven later. Yeah,

03:51:13.809 --> 03:51:16.069
but there was also, there was no precedent. There

03:51:16.069 --> 03:51:18.110
was no like - Wow, for sure. Do you guys have

03:51:18.110 --> 03:51:21.110
vaxes? There was no vax. Dude, we were just -

03:51:21.110 --> 03:51:24.209
When time goes by and we look back on the time

03:51:24.209 --> 03:51:26.790
during COVID of standup and trying to do standup

03:51:26.790 --> 03:51:28.510
during COVID and what Burt did when he did the

03:51:28.510 --> 03:51:31.129
drive -in theaters and what we all did with podcasts

03:51:31.129 --> 03:51:35.209
and it's fucking crazy. Rooftops. Rooftops. The

03:51:35.209 --> 03:51:38.649
New York City like five to 10 year comic scene.

03:51:39.180 --> 03:51:41.440
just said, we're not going away. We'll create

03:51:41.440 --> 03:51:43.739
shows. In L .A., they wouldn't let them. They

03:51:43.739 --> 03:51:45.479
wouldn't let them do outside shows. It's one

03:51:45.479 --> 03:51:47.319
of the worst things about the way they handled,

03:51:47.479 --> 03:51:49.879
you know, for comedy, the pandemic. They wouldn't

03:51:49.879 --> 03:51:52.079
even let them do outside shows. It's like they

03:51:52.079 --> 03:51:54.799
were trying to kill comedy. Right. I thought,

03:51:54.899 --> 03:51:57.479
I don't know, when New York did the whole fucking

03:51:57.479 --> 03:52:00.860
upstairs show, like rooftop shows, it was like,

03:52:00.879 --> 03:52:04.559
I'll just do the road. I'll just go do the states.

03:52:04.579 --> 03:52:06.899
The states that don't care. Yeah, I did both.

03:52:07.180 --> 03:52:09.079
Florida, Texas. New York Comedy Club's rooftop

03:52:09.079 --> 03:52:12.120
was great. Tiny Cupboard was great. Well, I did

03:52:12.120 --> 03:52:16.040
Texas in July of 2020 with Brian Moses and Hinchcliffe.

03:52:16.120 --> 03:52:19.100
We did the improv in Houston. It was fucking

03:52:19.100 --> 03:52:21.520
great. And we were flying back, and we were like,

03:52:21.579 --> 03:52:23.540
you know what? We're back. Fuck this. We're doing

03:52:23.540 --> 03:52:26.520
comedy. But then I got back to my podcast studio,

03:52:26.540 --> 03:52:28.840
and I got super duper high. And I thought, oh,

03:52:28.860 --> 03:52:30.180
my God, what if I killed somebody? What if I

03:52:30.180 --> 03:52:33.159
gave COVID a shot? Of course. Nice person who

03:52:33.159 --> 03:52:35.020
came on my show, and I give it to them like it's

03:52:35.020 --> 03:52:36.239
too risky. And they give it to their dad. No

03:52:36.239 --> 03:52:38.680
fucking way. Yeah. But then they started having,

03:52:38.739 --> 03:52:41.620
like, real testing. And then testing came around.

03:52:42.059 --> 03:52:44.239
And when we came here, we have nurses. You know

03:52:44.239 --> 03:52:46.100
you're not a nurse. We test every fucking day.

03:52:46.340 --> 03:52:49.020
And then we did these shows at Stubbs, the outside

03:52:49.020 --> 03:52:51.100
shows. And the outside shows that I was doing

03:52:51.100 --> 03:52:52.979
with Dave were fucking amazing. And I was like,

03:52:53.020 --> 03:52:54.899
wow, this is a way we could do comedy. We could

03:52:54.899 --> 03:52:56.739
do it this way. Everybody gets tested. We have

03:52:56.739 --> 03:53:00.000
a COVID bubble. But then we did one show at the

03:53:00.000 --> 03:53:02.840
Vulcan on a Thursday night in December. And it

03:53:02.840 --> 03:53:06.899
was packed. There was no social distancing. Everybody

03:53:06.899 --> 03:53:09.000
was hammered. It was like a regular show. And

03:53:09.000 --> 03:53:11.659
Ron White went up there and fucking murdered.

03:53:12.059 --> 03:53:14.319
He hadn't done any comedy in like eight months.

03:53:14.420 --> 03:53:16.180
He was saying he was retired. Basically, I'm

03:53:16.180 --> 03:53:18.239
retired. I'm going to sail my boat. I'm going

03:53:18.239 --> 03:53:21.700
to sail my plane. I'm going to fucking play golf.

03:53:22.120 --> 03:53:23.959
Like, you know, he's a shit ton of money. He's

03:53:23.959 --> 03:53:26.100
done it all. And he's like, I'm done. And then

03:53:26.100 --> 03:53:28.100
Tony was like, we're going to do this show Thursday

03:53:28.100 --> 03:53:29.819
night. You should come on. Just do a set. Just

03:53:29.819 --> 03:53:35.479
do 10 minutes. Ron White goes up there and. annihilates

03:53:35.479 --> 03:53:37.360
annihilates and then i'm walking towards the

03:53:37.360 --> 03:53:39.159
stage i was after him he grabs me by shoulder

03:53:39.159 --> 03:53:42.299
he goes we're gonna keep doing this no matter

03:53:42.299 --> 03:53:45.239
what the happens we're gonna keep doing that

03:53:45.239 --> 03:53:47.020
was the best part that was the best part of covert

03:53:47.020 --> 03:53:49.319
it was like you go into like the first time i

03:53:49.319 --> 03:53:53.280
did a full room was hyenas yeah in texas because

03:53:53.280 --> 03:53:55.639
i was up i was up north where it was all and

03:53:55.639 --> 03:53:58.059
then you go to hyenas and you walk into a room

03:53:58.059 --> 03:54:01.030
and you're like You're scared? Yes. You're like,

03:54:01.110 --> 03:54:03.750
holy shit, this is crazy. Yes. Like, I'm not

03:54:03.750 --> 03:54:06.989
afraid of COVID, but like... You guys are fucking

03:54:06.989 --> 03:54:10.250
crazy. When we did Vulcan, Vulcan was the perfect,

03:54:10.329 --> 03:54:12.670
because it was jammed. It was like 290 people

03:54:12.670 --> 03:54:15.629
in there, low ceiling, a lot of fucking hard

03:54:15.629 --> 03:54:18.010
surfaces, so the echo. I was like, oh, my God,

03:54:18.010 --> 03:54:19.969
this is way better than outside comedy. Yeah,

03:54:19.969 --> 03:54:22.750
of course. Outside comedy is bullshit. But we

03:54:22.750 --> 03:54:24.270
knew that before COVID, and then during COVID,

03:54:24.329 --> 03:54:26.149
we were like, no, outside's pretty good. No.

03:54:26.649 --> 03:54:30.809
I saw Burr outside in Dripping Springs in the

03:54:30.809 --> 03:54:32.290
middle of the pandemic, and he fucking killed.

03:54:32.409 --> 03:54:34.610
It was awesome. It was hilarious. People were

03:54:34.610 --> 03:54:36.860
happy to be. out too I was happy to be out it

03:54:36.860 --> 03:54:39.040
was a great show don't get me wrong but that

03:54:39.040 --> 03:54:41.379
same show put a roof over it people would have

03:54:41.379 --> 03:54:43.700
had fucking strokes forget about it we were all

03:54:43.700 --> 03:54:45.579
hanging out at Central Park once you might have

03:54:45.579 --> 03:54:47.059
been there with List and everything and Louie

03:54:47.059 --> 03:54:50.399
showed up and Sarah Joseph's wife had to go across

03:54:50.399 --> 03:54:52.840
Central Park to do an outside show under a tree

03:54:52.840 --> 03:54:55.420
I remember that and he goes I just can't Louis

03:54:55.420 --> 03:54:58.180
was like, I can't just inside where the laughs

03:54:58.180 --> 03:55:00.200
are bouncing off. I just want that back. You

03:55:00.200 --> 03:55:01.979
wouldn't do Hamilton outside. It just doesn't

03:55:01.979 --> 03:55:04.559
work. It's any performance. It's not just comedy.

03:55:04.739 --> 03:55:07.139
I did those parking lot shows where they'd flash

03:55:07.139 --> 03:55:10.659
the beams and then they'd honk. If you really

03:55:10.659 --> 03:55:14.799
killed, you got the wipers. But they were brutal.

03:55:14.879 --> 03:55:16.219
But you just had to get out of the house. You

03:55:16.219 --> 03:55:18.420
had to kind of do comedy. It's better than no

03:55:18.420 --> 03:55:20.559
comedy. Exactly. The best thing was at the stand,

03:55:20.680 --> 03:55:22.379
the front patio, you guys all did it, right?

03:55:22.459 --> 03:55:24.850
Yeah. And it was just like. The show was whatever,

03:55:25.069 --> 03:55:27.149
but then afterwards was hanging out with the

03:55:27.149 --> 03:55:29.549
tail and you guys just staying out there for

03:55:29.549 --> 03:55:31.690
four hours to like, oh, we're friends again.

03:55:31.690 --> 03:55:34.870
Yeah, but all you had to do was the road. Right.

03:55:34.909 --> 03:55:37.930
And you would never, dude, I was in states that

03:55:37.930 --> 03:55:41.389
didn't care. Texas, Florida. Dude, all of it.

03:55:41.409 --> 03:55:44.090
Florida never cared. Florida never cared once.

03:55:44.229 --> 03:55:48.510
And then I would drive or fly home, and then

03:55:48.510 --> 03:55:50.309
all of a sudden you'd land and be like, oh, shit.

03:55:50.809 --> 03:55:53.770
There's a pandemic. Yeah, exactly. Like you would

03:55:53.770 --> 03:55:55.649
land and be like, oh, this is scary. But meanwhile,

03:55:56.049 --> 03:55:58.209
you look at like Florida, where you adjust for

03:55:58.209 --> 03:56:01.190
age, they didn't do any worse than anybody else

03:56:01.190 --> 03:56:04.250
did that locked down. Yeah. It's a respiratory

03:56:04.250 --> 03:56:06.350
illness. People get it. They're going to get

03:56:06.350 --> 03:56:08.090
it. The best thing anybody could have ever done

03:56:08.090 --> 03:56:10.090
is like take care of yourself and seek medical

03:56:10.090 --> 03:56:12.469
help immediately upon catching it. Get a good

03:56:12.469 --> 03:56:14.770
doctor. Get good treatment if you're lucky. This

03:56:14.770 --> 03:56:17.610
is all pre -vaccination, right? But blocking

03:56:17.610 --> 03:56:20.020
people down didn't do shit. It didn't help. But

03:56:20.020 --> 03:56:23.299
you got to give New York, New York's an exemption.

03:56:23.579 --> 03:56:27.959
Fuck New York. You heard me. I'm not offended.

03:56:28.040 --> 03:56:30.420
It was the worst city in the world. I don't give

03:56:30.420 --> 03:56:32.659
a fuck. Fuck New York. LA was just as bad. At

03:56:32.659 --> 03:56:34.420
least New York let you do outside shows already.

03:56:34.420 --> 03:56:37.040
No, but LA was worse. I'm saying in like March

03:56:37.040 --> 03:56:39.520
or April of 2020, it was the worst city for COVID

03:56:39.520 --> 03:56:41.540
in the world. So it was like, oh shit. Just the

03:56:41.540 --> 03:56:43.559
numbers were crazy there. Well, yeah, because

03:56:43.559 --> 03:56:45.799
China was like, no, we're done with COVID. And

03:56:45.799 --> 03:56:47.680
so it was like, oh, shit. What are we going to

03:56:47.680 --> 03:56:50.600
do? So I get why it was on our minds, but then

03:56:50.600 --> 03:56:52.340
we started doing outside shows. Yeah, but also

03:56:52.340 --> 03:56:55.739
New York, if at the beginning New York was like,

03:56:55.819 --> 03:56:58.700
fuck it, it's not real. You know how many old

03:56:58.700 --> 03:57:01.700
fucking Jews would have died? Way worse. That

03:57:01.700 --> 03:57:04.399
would have been a hell. It's funny you said that

03:57:04.399 --> 03:57:07.020
because the Orthodox Jewish community. Hasidic.

03:57:07.260 --> 03:57:09.239
Hasidic. They didn't give a shit. They didn't

03:57:09.239 --> 03:57:10.719
stop doing anything. They were partying, dude.

03:57:10.819 --> 03:57:13.700
They were getting arrested. They kept inbreeding.

03:57:14.100 --> 03:57:16.780
It wasn't Orthodox or just the Hasidics? Hasidics.

03:57:16.879 --> 03:57:19.079
Orthodox, no, they weren't doing anything. The

03:57:19.079 --> 03:57:21.260
Hasidics were the one group in New York that

03:57:21.260 --> 03:57:23.860
were like, no. No, yeah. It's so weird because

03:57:23.860 --> 03:57:25.520
they try to make it a redneck thing, but then

03:57:25.520 --> 03:57:27.850
there's also these other spots. don't quite fit

03:57:27.850 --> 03:57:30.569
in, Hasidics or the Crystal people in like Berkeley,

03:57:30.750 --> 03:57:33.290
you know, who are like also anti -vaxxers. The

03:57:33.290 --> 03:57:34.649
hippies. You try to make it one thing or like

03:57:34.649 --> 03:57:36.350
the Joe Rogan fans are all meatheads. Like, no,

03:57:36.469 --> 03:57:38.149
no, no. There's psychedelic heads and there's

03:57:38.149 --> 03:57:40.030
meatheads and there's all these different styles.

03:57:40.149 --> 03:57:41.790
You want to make it one thing, but it's not.

03:57:41.989 --> 03:57:43.870
No, no. We do that. We try to put everything

03:57:43.870 --> 03:57:46.250
in a bin. That's the internet. Well, that was

03:57:46.250 --> 03:57:49.750
highlighted in that movie, The Social Dilemma.

03:57:50.120 --> 03:57:53.360
I mean, what's going on with this division that

03:57:53.360 --> 03:57:55.340
people are experiencing right now? Right, right.

03:57:55.340 --> 03:57:56.559
We were talking about what happened during the

03:57:56.559 --> 03:57:58.219
pandemic when everybody was at each other's throats.

03:57:58.379 --> 03:58:01.000
That's part of it is that what you said is perfect,

03:58:01.059 --> 03:58:04.280
that now they're forced to be online. They're

03:58:04.280 --> 03:58:06.379
online way more, so it's hitting them even harder.

03:58:06.540 --> 03:58:08.680
So you end, you got the anxiety of the pandemic,

03:58:08.760 --> 03:58:10.780
and then you got a lot of people's careers were

03:58:10.780 --> 03:58:13.079
disappearing, a lot of people's livelihood, all

03:58:13.079 --> 03:58:15.159
their savings. And then you're worried about

03:58:15.159 --> 03:58:17.760
dying from a fucking infectious disease that

03:58:17.760 --> 03:58:20.659
was probably made in a lab. You're like, holy

03:58:20.659 --> 03:58:23.139
shit. Is this real? Let me ask you a question

03:58:23.139 --> 03:58:24.620
I've never got. It's also fun to say probably.

03:58:24.920 --> 03:58:27.159
Yeah, when I hear about this. It was. We can

03:58:27.159 --> 03:58:28.739
say it's made in a lab. We can't say it's made

03:58:28.739 --> 03:58:29.940
in a lab. Now we can say it's made in a lab.

03:58:29.959 --> 03:58:32.479
Now you can. What is the benefit or negative

03:58:32.479 --> 03:58:35.059
of being able to say it's in a lab or not? I'll

03:58:35.059 --> 03:58:38.340
answer that. Here's the truth. If you say it

03:58:38.340 --> 03:58:40.860
was made in a lab, somebody needs to be held

03:58:40.860 --> 03:58:44.680
accountable. And the dudes that are in power

03:58:44.680 --> 03:58:47.280
that should be held accountable are like, no,

03:58:47.420 --> 03:58:50.790
no, no, no, no, no. That's the only reason? Some

03:58:50.790 --> 03:58:54.170
Chinese guy ate a fucking armadillo. No, there's

03:58:54.170 --> 03:58:59.049
no solid direct proof. There's a lot of anecdotal

03:58:59.049 --> 03:59:00.989
evidence. There's a lot of evidence. There's

03:59:00.989 --> 03:59:04.209
a lot of... emails back and forth. There's a

03:59:04.209 --> 03:59:06.209
lot of shit that points to that lab in Wuhan.

03:59:06.389 --> 03:59:09.450
A lot of shit. There's a lot of lying about what

03:59:09.450 --> 03:59:11.950
is and what isn't gain -of -function research

03:59:11.950 --> 03:59:13.610
and whether or not they were doing it and whether

03:59:13.610 --> 03:59:15.290
or not they were funding it. They most fucking

03:59:15.290 --> 03:59:17.790
certainly were. And they continue to fund it.

03:59:17.850 --> 03:59:19.309
What do liberals have to gain by saying it was

03:59:19.309 --> 03:59:20.649
not made in Wuhan? Because it's on the team.

03:59:20.989 --> 03:59:25.510
Their team at the top is Fauci, who's absolutely

03:59:25.510 --> 03:59:29.549
connected to the lab that made the fucking thing.

03:59:29.549 --> 03:59:31.659
But then they call it racist. if you call it

03:59:31.659 --> 03:59:33.540
the Kung Flu or whatever, but then Asian people

03:59:33.540 --> 03:59:35.899
are getting beat up and nobody talks about that.

03:59:36.100 --> 03:59:38.059
Well, because it's black people beating up the

03:59:38.059 --> 03:59:40.739
Asians. Black homeless people. Exactly. It's

03:59:40.739 --> 03:59:43.500
like, do you really care? I don't want to ruin

03:59:43.500 --> 03:59:45.639
Chappelle's joke. Do you ever hear that one?

03:59:45.799 --> 03:59:48.760
Which one? He's like, I got COVID in my immune

03:59:48.760 --> 03:59:54.610
system. His immune system was black dudes. And

03:59:54.610 --> 04:00:00.510
the COVID came in and it was Asians. Oh, fuck.

04:00:00.809 --> 04:00:02.670
Well, I mean, that was the joke. The amount of

04:00:02.670 --> 04:00:05.190
violence that has escalated in cities like New

04:00:05.190 --> 04:00:08.319
York. I mean, the amount of violence that's escalated

04:00:08.319 --> 04:00:10.139
in New York is off the charts, right? It's, like,

04:00:10.139 --> 04:00:12.659
way higher than it's ever been in the last, like,

04:00:12.680 --> 04:00:14.860
10 years or so. But I'm saying there's a lot

04:00:14.860 --> 04:00:17.200
of that. Austin. Performative shit. Murders are

04:00:17.200 --> 04:00:19.020
up in Austin at record levels. Austin's out of

04:00:19.020 --> 04:00:21.940
control, dude. It's these fucking, they have

04:00:21.940 --> 04:00:24.059
gang shootings. Really? Yeah, on 6th Street,

04:00:24.120 --> 04:00:26.760
dude. What? I think crime across the country

04:00:26.760 --> 04:00:28.719
is way up, and New York crime is up at a lower

04:00:28.719 --> 04:00:29.959
rate than the rest of the country. They just

04:00:29.959 --> 04:00:32.819
hit random fucking dudes. New York is at a lower

04:00:32.819 --> 04:00:35.040
rate of rise than the rest of the country? Lower

04:00:35.040 --> 04:00:37.139
rate of rise, yeah. It's higher, but not as high

04:00:37.139 --> 04:00:39.059
as other places. Really? Los Angeles is off the

04:00:39.059 --> 04:00:42.020
charts. With gang? Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that.

04:00:42.059 --> 04:00:44.639
Well, not just gang. It's just break -ins, you

04:00:44.639 --> 04:00:46.600
know, people robbing people. How about those

04:00:46.600 --> 04:00:48.639
San Francisco lootings, like the group lootings?

04:00:48.639 --> 04:00:51.620
Dude, you just walk into a fucking Gucci. Yeah.

04:00:51.700 --> 04:00:54.540
Flash mob. Wow, what a great idea. Good for them.

04:00:54.680 --> 04:00:57.200
And then you're a security guard. You're like...

04:00:57.880 --> 04:00:59.440
Fuck it. This is what I used to say after the

04:00:59.440 --> 04:01:01.219
broken shows in Calgary. I was like, hey guys,

04:01:01.340 --> 04:01:03.120
they won't let you smoke weed, but if you all

04:01:03.120 --> 04:01:06.819
light up, they can't do shit. How are they going

04:01:06.819 --> 04:01:08.639
to stop you? Stop the show. That's what they'll

04:01:08.639 --> 04:01:11.250
do. Yeah, the weird thing is that they didn't

04:01:11.250 --> 04:01:13.350
anticipate that people would just walk into Walgreens

04:01:13.350 --> 04:01:16.389
and steal $900 worth of shit if you make it illegal

04:01:16.389 --> 04:01:18.850
to steal $1 ,000. If you make it public. It's

04:01:18.850 --> 04:01:20.629
just like, hey, here's the limit. You don't think

04:01:20.629 --> 04:01:22.770
it out. Those kiosks where they have internet

04:01:22.770 --> 04:01:24.569
access and stuff like that, like, oh, this is

04:01:24.569 --> 04:01:26.170
cool. Tourists can be able to plug in their phone

04:01:26.170 --> 04:01:27.750
and get internet access, and it's like, oh, it's

04:01:27.750 --> 04:01:30.409
just a homeless encampment. We didn't consider

04:01:30.409 --> 04:01:33.649
that. But again, it's a performance because you

04:01:33.649 --> 04:01:35.610
say you care about people. When the rubber meets

04:01:35.610 --> 04:01:38.129
the road, fat people are dying, but you can't

04:01:38.129 --> 04:01:40.870
say lose weight. So it's just this weird thing

04:01:40.870 --> 04:01:43.809
of do you care or not? If you really cared. The

04:01:43.809 --> 04:01:46.270
left is the party of the gesture. They love saying

04:01:46.270 --> 04:01:47.850
they're for something, but not actually doing

04:01:47.850 --> 04:01:50.190
anything. They love just saying, look what I

04:01:50.190 --> 04:01:52.309
support. But it's like, what have you done to

04:01:52.309 --> 04:01:57.129
get that? You can say it. How much is saying

04:01:57.129 --> 04:01:59.389
it changing anything? I mean, and they're literally

04:01:59.389 --> 04:02:01.750
doing nothing different than the Republicans.

04:02:02.750 --> 04:02:06.270
Right. In terms of globally. Well, they are doing

04:02:06.270 --> 04:02:08.709
things different in terms of oil. And that's

04:02:08.709 --> 04:02:11.659
part of the problem. We should go nuclear. Yeah.

04:02:11.819 --> 04:02:14.579
Love nuclear. I mean, what's the holdup there?

04:02:15.040 --> 04:02:17.000
Well, people have an association with nuclear

04:02:17.000 --> 04:02:19.120
disasters. They have an association with Three

04:02:19.120 --> 04:02:21.200
Mile Island and Fukushima. Three Mile Island.

04:02:21.239 --> 04:02:25.559
Chernobyl. 717. Let's go. As if a coal mine has

04:02:25.559 --> 04:02:28.100
never fallen through. Sorry. As if what? As if

04:02:28.100 --> 04:02:30.000
a coal mine has never fallen through. No one's

04:02:30.000 --> 04:02:33.159
ever died. Oh, yeah, yeah. Nobody died at TMI.

04:02:33.459 --> 04:02:39.040
Exactly. TMI. Three mile island. Oh, sorry. TMI.

04:02:39.500 --> 04:02:42.680
TMI. Jesus, bro. Where I'm from, that's TMI.

04:02:42.819 --> 04:02:45.379
They know how to make way better nuclear reactors

04:02:45.379 --> 04:02:46.920
now than they ever did before. Of course. They're

04:02:46.920 --> 04:02:48.620
so much better at these power plants. They can

04:02:48.620 --> 04:02:50.879
make them with multiple fail -safes so that if

04:02:50.879 --> 04:02:53.040
anything goes down, everything's protected and

04:02:53.040 --> 04:02:54.840
they can get them back online. The one they did

04:02:54.840 --> 04:02:56.860
in Fukushima was like from the 1970s or something.

04:02:56.860 --> 04:02:58.959
Dude, Fukushima is a fucking nightmare. It's

04:02:58.959 --> 04:03:04.010
a mess. Really? Yeah, you can't go. Still. Like,

04:03:04.049 --> 04:03:05.850
they can't clean it up. Can you go to Chernobyl

04:03:05.850 --> 04:03:08.709
or no still? Yeah, well, the Russians are in

04:03:08.709 --> 04:03:10.930
Chernobyl right now shooting bulletproof bombs.

04:03:10.930 --> 04:03:12.950
And then they got out of there. Oh, Chernobyl's

04:03:12.950 --> 04:03:14.389
not in Russia? They just got out of there. Really?

04:03:14.590 --> 04:03:18.729
Yeah. The Russians, I don't know. The news I

04:03:18.729 --> 04:03:21.090
saw was they evacuated Chernobyl. What is happening

04:03:21.090 --> 04:03:23.690
over there? No one knows, dude. Did you see that?

04:03:23.829 --> 04:03:27.530
We're getting hit with pure, like, the craziest

04:03:27.530 --> 04:03:30.120
propaganda. Propaganda. What propaganda do you

04:03:30.120 --> 04:03:31.399
think we're getting hit with? We're getting hit

04:03:31.399 --> 04:03:33.620
with, like, we need to make it a no -fly zone.

04:03:33.879 --> 04:03:36.600
We need to shoot down every Russian. We're getting

04:03:36.600 --> 04:03:39.860
hit with that. That is wild talk. Yeah, that's

04:03:39.860 --> 04:03:42.760
wild talk, dude. That's reckless. We shoot down

04:03:42.760 --> 04:03:44.600
a fucking jet from Russia? That's a real problem.

04:03:45.059 --> 04:03:47.780
They're going to... They have hypersonic nukes.

04:03:48.020 --> 04:03:50.159
Wow. We don't have hypersonic nukes. Did you

04:03:50.159 --> 04:03:52.340
see that thing that some Republican, I think

04:03:52.340 --> 04:03:56.500
Republican senator, was interviewing a war...

04:03:56.500 --> 04:03:59.139
Oh, they're falling ill. Of course they are,

04:03:59.219 --> 04:04:02.319
dude. It's still radioactive, bro. It's still

04:04:02.319 --> 04:04:04.360
beaming out radiation. It's beaming out for fucking

04:04:04.360 --> 04:04:06.760
the next 100 ,000 years. When those places go

04:04:06.760 --> 04:04:09.379
bad, they're bad forever. Did you watch Chernobyl?

04:04:09.520 --> 04:04:14.379
For a thousand years. What were you saying? There

04:04:14.379 --> 04:04:15.799
was some guy doing an interview with some lady

04:04:15.799 --> 04:04:18.139
who's in charge of the war. And he goes, can

04:04:18.139 --> 04:04:22.260
you say positively that there is no weapons of

04:04:22.260 --> 04:04:24.579
mass destruction or biological weapons in Ukraine?

04:04:25.530 --> 04:04:27.510
Because he's leading her to say it for the press.

04:04:27.590 --> 04:04:32.829
Oh, right. And she goes, no, I can't say that.

04:04:33.090 --> 04:04:34.930
Yeah, and then they admit it. There's like 24

04:04:34.930 --> 04:04:37.870
labs. Yeah, and he goes, well, can you say if

04:04:37.870 --> 04:04:39.209
it is used, it would definitely be the Russians?

04:04:39.270 --> 04:04:41.569
She goes, sure, I'll say that. You know what's

04:04:41.569 --> 04:04:44.569
crazy is they call them biological research labs.

04:04:44.770 --> 04:04:47.590
Okay, what is the difference between a biological

04:04:47.590 --> 04:04:51.370
weapons lab and a biological research lab? Is

04:04:51.370 --> 04:04:55.440
there a distinction? What are you doing? What's

04:04:55.440 --> 04:04:57.780
going on? That's the PR. If you didn't tell me

04:04:57.780 --> 04:04:59.579
that they existed, and now you're telling me

04:04:59.579 --> 04:05:01.020
they do exist, and you're calling them a biological

04:05:01.020 --> 04:05:03.620
research lab, that was always the crazy right

04:05:03.620 --> 04:05:05.940
-wing conspiracy theory, was that the Ukrainians

04:05:05.940 --> 04:05:08.680
have the fucking bioweapons labs. People are

04:05:08.680 --> 04:05:10.479
like, shut up. No, they don't. And they're like,

04:05:10.559 --> 04:05:13.959
actually, we do. I distrust the media so much

04:05:13.959 --> 04:05:16.200
that I'm like, wait, why is Putin going in there?

04:05:16.299 --> 04:05:18.739
I don't believe it's just that it's evil. There's

04:05:18.739 --> 04:05:20.700
got to be an actual other reason. But it's evil,

04:05:20.739 --> 04:05:22.780
too. That's the problem. It's like he's clearly

04:05:22.780 --> 04:05:26.639
also poisoning his political ally. But it's like

04:05:26.639 --> 04:05:28.420
9 -11 was because they hate our freedom. And

04:05:28.420 --> 04:05:30.040
then after five years, we're like, wait, no,

04:05:30.180 --> 04:05:31.780
that wasn't it. Remember when you guys were dancing

04:05:31.780 --> 04:05:34.920
in New Jersey? I love those dances, dude. You

04:05:34.920 --> 04:05:36.319
put a turban on everybody. I love those dances.

04:05:36.379 --> 04:05:39.100
You guys were dancing. In the circle. Yeah, dude.

04:05:39.360 --> 04:05:42.180
Such a sick dance. I'll give the Jews credit

04:05:42.180 --> 04:05:44.200
on that one. Jews party. You got a good dance.

04:05:44.200 --> 04:05:45.659
Every party. Everyone can do it. You don't have

04:05:45.659 --> 04:05:47.219
to learn the dance. It's just dancing in a circle.

04:05:47.219 --> 04:05:49.159
Jumping up and down on the bleachers and the

04:05:49.159 --> 04:05:52.360
Jews in the middle. You ever see the remakes?

04:05:52.360 --> 04:05:54.360
You get some hip -hop and you have the Jews dancing

04:05:54.360 --> 04:05:55.579
to the hip -hop song? Yeah, dude. They're the

04:05:55.579 --> 04:05:57.860
best. They're the best. The best ever. Where

04:05:57.860 --> 04:06:00.260
are you at on the hot seats? Is that weird? What

04:06:00.260 --> 04:06:04.360
do you mean? Yeah, it's so nutty. Oh, yeah. The

04:06:04.360 --> 04:06:07.280
extreme part? The sex through the sheet? Yeah.

04:06:07.579 --> 04:06:09.360
I don't know if that's real. I actually support

04:06:09.360 --> 04:06:11.760
that. Oh, it's real. I support Mormons soaking.

04:06:12.659 --> 04:06:14.860
Soaking is great. You just stick your dick in

04:06:14.860 --> 04:06:17.079
and don't move it. Oh, I like that. It might

04:06:17.079 --> 04:06:18.840
not come in two seconds. You would squirt anyway.

04:06:19.239 --> 04:06:21.819
Of course. You're going to move a little. Dude,

04:06:21.860 --> 04:06:24.459
if I had a girl that was like, this is part of

04:06:24.459 --> 04:06:26.959
the program, instead of like, I need to be good

04:06:26.959 --> 04:06:30.940
at sex. It'd be nice. Jackpot, dude. Yeah. Orthodox

04:06:30.940 --> 04:06:33.360
Jews have sex through a sheet. This common myth

04:06:33.360 --> 04:06:37.559
is completely false. I will talk about this in

04:06:37.559 --> 04:06:39.879
my next special. Is it false? Oh, boy. Is it

04:06:39.879 --> 04:06:43.649
false? Did you do it? But I don't think it is

04:06:43.649 --> 04:06:45.610
false, right? Don't they do it? It's true and

04:06:45.610 --> 04:06:48.829
false. It's overpushed, but some people do it.

04:06:48.870 --> 04:06:52.950
What's the thread count? It's Egyptian. I had

04:06:52.950 --> 04:06:55.409
a friend, and his girlfriend was Israeli, and

04:06:55.409 --> 04:06:57.569
she swore that it was a real thing. Well, sometimes

04:06:57.569 --> 04:06:59.450
you swear you hear, so you swear because I heard

04:06:59.450 --> 04:07:03.170
this. It's not a commandment. It's a barely done

04:07:03.170 --> 04:07:05.850
thing, but it's somewhat done. It's not a commandment.

04:07:05.850 --> 04:07:08.590
It comes from, like, we have this prayer shawl.

04:07:08.629 --> 04:07:10.450
It's like a... poncho that were under our shirts

04:07:10.450 --> 04:07:12.610
and it's got a hole in it for the neck right

04:07:12.610 --> 04:07:15.549
and so what i believe is people were hanging

04:07:15.549 --> 04:07:17.809
it up to dry after the wash and races would come

04:07:17.809 --> 04:07:19.729
by i'm like what the fuck is that thing with

04:07:19.729 --> 04:07:22.010
the with the white racist and i bet they fucked

04:07:22.010 --> 04:07:26.010
through that no is that right yeah but also it

04:07:26.010 --> 04:07:30.110
is a solid i think some people do it to stop

04:07:30.110 --> 04:07:31.430
yourself from getting distracted by thinking

04:07:31.430 --> 04:07:34.270
about your wife's naked body you cover her so

04:07:34.270 --> 04:07:36.399
you don't have to look at her Whoa. Is that ugly,

04:07:36.459 --> 04:07:39.260
huh? It's debated. I don't think it's that. They're

04:07:39.260 --> 04:07:41.399
trying to run away from temptation. I see. They

04:07:41.399 --> 04:07:43.780
don't want to enjoy it. Those big floppy J -tits.

04:07:44.040 --> 04:07:46.299
I love a J -tit. The Jew globes are the best

04:07:46.299 --> 04:07:49.280
globes. Jewish women are beautiful. We're having

04:07:49.280 --> 04:07:51.040
a good time. We should go to 10 on this. This

04:07:51.040 --> 04:07:54.790
is great. Yeah, Jewish gals are super hot. I

04:07:54.790 --> 04:07:58.170
like a good J, dude. Oh, dude, I was plowing

04:07:58.170 --> 04:08:02.969
a J back in 2011. Yeah, get to that on Shabbos.

04:08:02.969 --> 04:08:05.489
It was really something. She was a SoulCycle

04:08:05.489 --> 04:08:08.450
instructor and a J. Wow. Good work ethic. And

04:08:08.450 --> 04:08:11.450
a squirter. Oh, what? Yeah. She peed on you.

04:08:12.329 --> 04:08:14.649
I'll take it. It doesn't matter. That's still

04:08:14.649 --> 04:08:17.030
so fun. R. Kelly me. I mean, she was shooting.

04:08:17.090 --> 04:08:19.469
It's definitely a lady peeing, but it's still

04:08:19.469 --> 04:08:23.920
fun. The Amish didn't do shit during COVID either,

04:08:24.020 --> 04:08:26.079
right? Did they ever catch it? Don't know. Did

04:08:26.079 --> 04:08:28.139
they have an outbreak, a big outbreak in the

04:08:28.139 --> 04:08:30.180
Amish community? Because they were another group

04:08:30.180 --> 04:08:32.860
that completely treated COVID as if it was not

04:08:32.860 --> 04:08:35.239
a thing. They weren't doing anything differently

04:08:35.239 --> 04:08:37.319
than they did before. They were very insolent,

04:08:37.399 --> 04:08:39.280
so someone had to get it. Death and religion.

04:08:39.459 --> 04:08:41.979
Excess deaths sweep through Amish and Mennonite

04:08:41.979 --> 04:08:43.780
communities during COVID -19 pandemic. Well,

04:08:43.780 --> 04:08:45.989
there you go. Dude, you know what's funny about

04:08:45.989 --> 04:08:48.809
that? I'd like to know where I'm from. I'm just

04:08:48.809 --> 04:08:50.629
reading a title. I want to know what the actual

04:08:50.629 --> 04:08:52.350
meat of the story is. Where I'm from, there's

04:08:52.350 --> 04:08:54.829
a ton of those dudes riding around. Me and my

04:08:54.829 --> 04:08:56.790
friends used to drive by and be like, get a car,

04:08:56.850 --> 04:09:00.309
you dumb motherfucker. It was fun. Lancaster

04:09:00.309 --> 04:09:04.420
is right next to us. So we would always be there,

04:09:04.500 --> 04:09:06.520
and then every once in a while, like, a fucking

04:09:06.520 --> 04:09:10.139
tractor trailer would hit a fucking horse. And

04:09:10.139 --> 04:09:13.100
with a family and, like, fucking ten of those

04:09:13.100 --> 04:09:17.780
motherfuckers. And then they... You know what's

04:09:17.780 --> 04:09:20.079
weird? I've done shows in Lancaster, and I've

04:09:20.079 --> 04:09:22.760
seen these Amish kids at, like, a Wawa. And you're

04:09:22.760 --> 04:09:24.200
like, what the fuck are you doing? Well, yeah,

04:09:24.200 --> 04:09:26.780
yeah. There's some rules where you're, like,

04:09:26.780 --> 04:09:30.729
allowed to... It's not Amish. Mennonite can do

04:09:30.729 --> 04:09:32.750
way more. Mennonite can do it. They look the

04:09:32.750 --> 04:09:35.069
same. They look pretty scruffy, these kids. We

04:09:35.069 --> 04:09:37.329
had a bunch of Mennonites at my high school.

04:09:37.549 --> 04:09:40.290
Oh, okay. Ari, do you remember? They stunk. Hold

04:09:40.290 --> 04:09:42.190
on. They would never shower. They're not clean.

04:09:42.469 --> 04:09:44.530
Do you remember we were on the road, and we were

04:09:44.530 --> 04:09:47.430
at a truck stop, and there was a girl that was

04:09:47.430 --> 04:09:50.610
wearing some crazy outfit, and you walked up

04:09:50.610 --> 04:09:54.370
to her, and you go, what is this? You go, what

04:09:54.370 --> 04:09:58.250
kind of group are you in? And she said I'm a

04:09:58.250 --> 04:10:00.799
Mennonite. Do you remember that? Yeah, barely.

04:10:01.000 --> 04:10:03.280
We were in, like, western Massachusetts. I wanted

04:10:03.280 --> 04:10:05.000
to know. We were out in the middle of fucking

04:10:05.000 --> 04:10:06.020
nowhere. Was that Chickabee? Was that dumbass

04:10:06.020 --> 04:10:06.940
fucking Chickabee? Yeah, something like that.

04:10:06.940 --> 04:10:08.200
Worst gig ever I did with you? Yeah, worst gig

04:10:08.200 --> 04:10:10.700
ever. Chinese restaurant. Remember that? We take

04:10:10.700 --> 04:10:13.879
the drive from L .A., and we stop to get gas

04:10:13.879 --> 04:10:16.139
and food. I mean, not from L .A., from Boston,

04:10:16.280 --> 04:10:17.959
rather. Took the drive from Boston, stopped to

04:10:17.959 --> 04:10:19.739
get gas and food, and in the middle of nowhere,

04:10:19.860 --> 04:10:21.739
there's this poor girl in some weird religious

04:10:21.739 --> 04:10:24.520
outfit. She's got a bonnet. I had to know. What

04:10:24.520 --> 04:10:27.620
are you? What is this? What kind of group are

04:10:27.620 --> 04:10:29.579
you in? And she goes, oh, I'm the man of the

04:10:29.579 --> 04:10:32.020
night. He's like, mm. The best part of that gig,

04:10:32.120 --> 04:10:35.500
we were leaving. Chickapee is this fucking Chinese

04:10:35.500 --> 04:10:38.520
restaurant. It was awful. Some guy came on stage

04:10:38.520 --> 04:10:40.719
with me to take a selfie with an old camera.

04:10:40.940 --> 04:10:42.559
And I was like, is anybody going to stop this

04:10:42.559 --> 04:10:44.840
guy? He just sat back down. We're leaving. We're

04:10:44.840 --> 04:10:47.040
in the car. Tate's there. He'd never seen a Jew.

04:10:47.159 --> 04:10:49.620
Some fucking 42 -year -old chick is like, you

04:10:49.620 --> 04:10:51.360
guys want to see my tits, don't you? And we were

04:10:51.360 --> 04:10:53.979
all like, no, we don't, ma 'am. 100 % we don't.

04:10:53.979 --> 04:10:56.159
She goes, you all see my tits. And then she started

04:10:56.159 --> 04:11:00.079
raising her shirt. By her belly button, you could

04:11:00.079 --> 04:11:05.209
already see tit. She kept going. Wow. What are

04:11:05.209 --> 04:11:07.069
you doing, Harry? I didn't know you had a tattoo

04:11:07.069 --> 04:11:09.250
on your hip. Dude, I got to lose 10 more pounds.

04:11:09.270 --> 04:11:10.389
He's going to keep on trucking. We had a full

04:11:10.389 --> 04:11:12.549
-on six -pack when we did the Sober October fitness

04:11:12.549 --> 04:11:14.770
challenge. I got to lose 10 more pounds. You

04:11:14.770 --> 04:11:16.170
look good, dude. What do you weigh now? You look

04:11:16.170 --> 04:11:18.670
good. 188. I got it to 178. That was what you

04:11:18.670 --> 04:11:20.969
were when you did Sober October? By the end,

04:11:20.989 --> 04:11:25.309
75. 75. Shredded. What's that tattoo mean? Keep

04:11:25.309 --> 04:11:28.190
on trucking. Oh, it says keep on trucking? Yeah,

04:11:28.290 --> 04:11:29.909
in case you stop trucking and you want to keep

04:11:29.909 --> 04:11:32.549
going. You need some motivation. You got to look

04:11:32.549 --> 04:11:35.000
in your hip. We did Bonnaroo. You were shirtless

04:11:35.000 --> 04:11:36.719
the whole time. You looked great. I loved being

04:11:36.719 --> 04:11:39.139
with the shirt off back then, yeah. It is fun

04:11:39.139 --> 04:11:41.700
to have you shirtless. I love it. You can't do

04:11:41.700 --> 04:11:43.139
it though. Burt would get mad. You think Burt

04:11:43.139 --> 04:11:45.219
would get mad? I don't do it on stage. What if

04:11:45.219 --> 04:11:48.620
you did it on stage? Look at that. With hair,

04:11:48.739 --> 04:11:50.959
too. All right, you can achieve that. That's

04:11:50.959 --> 04:11:52.840
good, dude. That could be done if you dedicate

04:11:52.840 --> 04:11:54.360
yourself for many decades. Wait a minute. Is

04:11:54.360 --> 04:11:57.840
that Leah Thomas? Sober October. That was the

04:11:57.840 --> 04:11:59.819
yoga challenge. Look, Ari's so mad that I make

04:11:59.819 --> 04:12:02.239
him go to yoga. I hated it. I hated it. Fuck

04:12:02.239 --> 04:12:04.340
you. I fucking hate it. He was so mad at me.

04:12:04.540 --> 04:12:06.540
Because I can't just let you win, so I had to

04:12:06.540 --> 04:12:09.760
do it. So I was like, fuck you. The best was

04:12:09.760 --> 04:12:13.100
Tom just rented a Lamborghini, and he goes, this

04:12:13.100 --> 04:12:15.639
is my new car. And Bert was so angry on the way

04:12:15.639 --> 04:12:18.000
home. So jealous. He already had a Porsche. Why'd

04:12:18.000 --> 04:12:19.719
you get a fucking Lamborghini? I've got to keep

04:12:19.719 --> 04:12:22.700
up. He goes, I've got to do 75 more Instagrams

04:12:22.700 --> 04:12:25.950
this week. I get it. I get being jealous. We

04:12:25.950 --> 04:12:27.770
were at Vulcan last night, and Tony was like,

04:12:27.790 --> 04:12:29.530
you see this? I was like, fuck. It's Corvette?

04:12:29.709 --> 04:12:32.709
That Corvette is the shit. I got a 2018 Chevy

04:12:32.709 --> 04:12:39.079
Cruze. I don't even know what a Chevy Cruze is.

04:12:39.180 --> 04:12:44.399
Oh, no. It's Ted Cruz's car. It's a shitbox.

04:12:45.219 --> 04:12:47.200
What is a Cruze? What's a Chevy Cruze? It's like

04:12:47.200 --> 04:12:51.739
a Ford Focus. It's a round car. Oh, so it's just

04:12:51.739 --> 04:12:54.299
a vehicle. Yeah. That's what you want. There

04:12:54.299 --> 04:12:56.559
it is. Chevy Cruze. That's a nice vehicle. If

04:12:56.559 --> 04:12:57.940
you're going to kill somebody, that's a car you

04:12:57.940 --> 04:12:59.260
should drive to the house and no one's going

04:12:59.260 --> 04:13:01.440
to ever notice what it is. Drill a hole in the

04:13:01.440 --> 04:13:03.200
back in the trunk for fucking sniping? Like that

04:13:03.200 --> 04:13:07.760
guy in... That's a nice interior. That's a 14

04:13:07.760 --> 04:13:10.760
Bud Light car. Oh, you can have a couple BLs

04:13:10.760 --> 04:13:12.899
and drive a fucking cruise. It drives a driving

04:13:12.899 --> 04:13:15.100
for you. You can try to swipe a car and be like,

04:13:15.139 --> 04:13:18.280
oh. I got to go home and eat, and we got a show

04:13:18.280 --> 04:13:20.440
in two hours. Oh, shit. How long have we gone?

04:13:20.600 --> 04:13:22.319
It's 530 almost. We got a long. Should we do

04:13:22.319 --> 04:13:24.879
four hours? Yeah, do your dates. Do your dates.

04:13:24.920 --> 04:13:27.760
Tell everybody Ari Shaffir or AriTheGreat .com.

04:13:28.270 --> 04:13:30.309
Ari Shafir .com. Ari the Great. Don't know. Is

04:13:30.309 --> 04:13:33.270
it? Yeah. Who's Ari the Great now? Does it redirect?

04:13:33.690 --> 04:13:35.569
Just let it go. Have it redirect. It's used to

04:13:35.569 --> 04:13:37.350
be your website. Why don't you have it redirect?

04:13:37.729 --> 04:13:39.370
I don't know. Ari Shafir .com. Who's even going

04:13:39.370 --> 04:13:42.270
to it? Some asshole. Don't be nasty. Storytelling

04:13:42.270 --> 04:13:46.690
Show with this guy, Shane Gillis, Big Jay, Nate

04:13:46.690 --> 04:13:50.649
Bargatze, and Sal at the Ryman Auditorium. Biggest

04:13:50.649 --> 04:13:53.770
show we've ever done. Yeah. Great room. Great

04:13:53.770 --> 04:13:57.069
room. Minneapolis and Chicago in June, but I'm

04:13:57.069 --> 04:14:00.889
taping my next special, Ari Shavir Jew, in New

04:14:00.889 --> 04:14:04.270
York City on June 11th and 12th. Dang. Shane

04:14:04.270 --> 04:14:06.030
Gillis, what you got going on? Give me your dates.

04:14:06.229 --> 04:14:09.030
I'm going to try my best. He's so hammered 16

04:14:09.030 --> 04:14:11.790
beers in now. Look at that pile of cans. It's

04:14:11.790 --> 04:14:13.389
a good pile, dude. I'm going to take a photo.

04:14:15.290 --> 04:14:18.309
That's a record for us. This weekend, when's

04:14:18.309 --> 04:14:23.309
this coming out? Do it next weekend. It's fucking

04:14:23.309 --> 04:14:26.270
empty. When's this coming out? Tomorrow. All

04:14:26.270 --> 04:14:28.450
right, nice. The 17th and 9th will be at the

04:14:28.450 --> 04:14:32.370
Palm Beach Improv. West Palm's good. Shane Gillis,

04:14:32.370 --> 04:14:34.229
that's a great club. That's a great club. That's

04:14:34.229 --> 04:14:36.590
a fun club. Good nights. Another great club.

04:14:36.770 --> 04:14:39.469
Raleigh, North Carolina. Fucking great club.

04:14:39.489 --> 04:14:42.590
Kid Rock's thing. Zany's. Kid Rock's comedy show?

04:14:42.829 --> 04:14:45.950
In Nashville? Oh, yeah, for sure. Kid Rock is

04:14:45.950 --> 04:14:49.059
a comedy show? Where is it? At Ryman. Oh, my

04:14:49.059 --> 04:14:50.479
God. That's amazing. Dude, I'm so excited. You're

04:14:50.479 --> 04:14:52.360
performing twice at Ryman in three days? Yeah,

04:14:52.379 --> 04:14:53.399
I'm there for a week. Did I tell you about Kid

04:14:53.399 --> 04:14:56.440
Rock's house? Yes. He's got a White House? Yes,

04:14:56.579 --> 04:14:58.559
I told you that. Dude, his videos are the best.

04:14:58.760 --> 04:15:01.700
Did I tell you Ari? No. He's got a fucking, he

04:15:01.700 --> 04:15:04.739
built a White House on his property. He has hundreds

04:15:04.739 --> 04:15:07.479
of acres outside of Nashville. He built a replica

04:15:07.479 --> 04:15:08.959
of the White, but it's way bigger than the White

04:15:08.959 --> 04:15:11.239
House. Just a storm? It's like 27 ,000 square

04:15:11.239 --> 04:15:14.299
feet. It has two bedrooms. Okay, the whole house

04:15:14.299 --> 04:15:17.979
is parked. He has a yellow shower. It's a golden

04:15:17.979 --> 04:15:19.959
shower. You go in there, it's literally golden

04:15:19.959 --> 04:15:23.520
tiles. He has a fucking gold elevator. And the

04:15:23.520 --> 04:15:25.059
contractor was like, do you want to hide the

04:15:25.059 --> 04:15:27.500
elevator walls? He goes, fuck that. I want people

04:15:27.500 --> 04:15:29.479
to go to Kid Rock's house and say, Kid Rock's

04:15:29.479 --> 04:15:31.760
got a fucking gold elevator. So in the middle,

04:15:31.780 --> 04:15:33.500
when you walk into his house, you see a gold

04:15:33.500 --> 04:15:36.260
elevator. It is the wildest house you've ever

04:15:36.260 --> 04:15:38.280
seen. It's a full -on party house. Did you see

04:15:38.280 --> 04:15:41.000
it on Tucker? On Tucker? I heard of him on Kid.

04:15:41.639 --> 04:15:44.020
I sell my own tickets. I'm uncanceled. It's so

04:15:44.020 --> 04:15:47.319
funny to watch Tucker be excited. Really? Like

04:15:47.319 --> 04:15:51.639
anything Kid Rock says, Tucker's like, oh. And

04:15:51.639 --> 04:15:53.799
then there's one part where Kid Rock's like,

04:15:53.899 --> 04:15:56.440
yeah, Republicans used to be fucking lame, dude.

04:15:56.540 --> 04:15:59.559
They used to wear like. Sweaters and button -downs.

04:15:59.559 --> 04:16:01.520
Like, he described exactly what Tucker was doing.

04:16:01.520 --> 04:16:03.680
Right, right. Tucker's like, well, I'm comfortable.

04:16:03.959 --> 04:16:05.639
Button -downs will do it. I'm comfortable with

04:16:05.639 --> 04:16:07.299
a button -down. Dude, we're going to a Kid Rock

04:16:07.299 --> 04:16:09.000
show with Jay. You're invited. Oh, I can't wait.

04:16:09.200 --> 04:16:11.399
And we're all going to go. I mean, it's Kid Rock.

04:16:11.440 --> 04:16:13.219
It's great. We're all going, fuck you, Brandon

04:16:13.219 --> 04:16:16.319
hats. We're just going full on. We're doing the

04:16:16.319 --> 04:16:20.079
Kid Rock show. At the Ryman, and then I think

04:16:20.079 --> 04:16:23.860
there's a comedy jam after. At Kid Rock's Bar.

04:16:24.219 --> 04:16:28.360
Damn. Bro. What a weekend. Bro. That sounds like

04:16:28.360 --> 04:16:32.280
fun. I mean, it's going to be. Mark Norman, what's

04:16:32.280 --> 04:16:33.940
your dates? What you got going on? Pam Anderson.

04:16:35.319 --> 04:16:38.059
Let's see. Indianapolis this weekend. Holy hell.

04:16:38.280 --> 04:16:40.959
I need help there. Then I'm at the Carolina Theater

04:16:40.959 --> 04:16:43.860
in Durham. I got this theater tour. I can't.

04:16:44.239 --> 04:16:47.559
Fill it up. I need your help. Addison Improv.

04:16:48.500 --> 04:16:52.360
Bricktown. Paramount Theater in Austin, Texas

04:16:52.360 --> 04:16:56.860
on 420. Yes, yes. Moon Tower. Yeah, come by if

04:16:56.860 --> 04:17:00.540
you want. Beautiful. The Vic in Chicago. 420,

04:17:00.540 --> 04:17:02.620
I'm going to be in Fort Worth. What are you doing

04:17:02.620 --> 04:17:06.459
in Denver? Irvine Improv. Back at the Paramount

04:17:06.459 --> 04:17:10.579
in Denver. Wow. Cleveland Agora. You name it.

04:17:10.600 --> 04:17:13.200
Got a lot of theaters. Help me out. DC Lincoln

04:17:13.200 --> 04:17:16.120
Theater. MarkNormanComedy .com. We might be drunk

04:17:16.120 --> 04:17:18.959
all over the road. Tuesdays with stories. Praise

04:17:18.959 --> 04:17:23.159
Allah. We'll see you now. I got MGM Grand Garden

04:17:23.159 --> 04:17:27.120
Arena July 1st in Vegas with Brian Simpson, Tony

04:17:27.120 --> 04:17:30.530
Hinchcliffe. Damn. And Hans Kim. Oh. Yes. That's

04:17:30.530 --> 04:17:33.389
diverse. Black, white, Asian. That would be so

04:17:33.389 --> 04:17:36.309
fun, dude. Let's go. I love Simpson. Ryan Simpson's

04:17:36.309 --> 04:17:38.090
a good egg. A black guy, an Asian, and a homosexual.

04:17:38.430 --> 04:17:42.090
Walk into a bar. Let's go. Those are on presale

04:17:42.090 --> 04:17:43.690
right now. You got to go to my website. Use the

04:17:43.690 --> 04:17:45.610
code Rogan. Buy them before the scalpers do it.

04:17:45.629 --> 04:17:48.569
That's my pure code. It's Rogan. All right. Bye,

04:17:48.809 --> 04:17:51.229
everybody. Bye -bye. We'll see you in a month

04:17:51.229 --> 04:17:53.649
or so. What a fun time. This is the fucking best.

04:17:53.829 --> 04:17:54.329
I love it.