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"Welcome to this curated educational transcript of the Joe Rogan Experience. In this session, we provide a deep-dive examination of the critical perspectives and historical dialogues presented in Episode #1946. Our mission is to offer a high-fidelity, searchable research resource for students of cultural history, emerging technology, and global discourse. This transcript has been specifically optimized for academic reference, linguistic study, and archival preservation regarding Group Improvisation Dynamics, Contemporary Satire, and Independent Media Evolution."
Joe Rogan Podcast. Check it out. The Joe Rogan

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Experience. Train by day. Joe Rogan Podcast by

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night. All day. You did heroin? Yes. Yes. We're

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up. I'm the only one without sunglasses. What

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the fuck? It's just easy to hide behind something.

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I'm here alone. No sunglasses. You got to get

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them, bro. They're in my car. I'm not going.

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Call one of your goons. All right, give them

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yours. Yours are cool. Mine are cool. Joe would

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look cool in those, too. Joe, try those on. I

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live in Florida. Ours is in Key West. Oh, yeah,

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with that bald head. You fucking bring someone

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to justice. Fuck yeah, bro. You look like a bounty

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hunter. You're a video game boss. Fun times last

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night, boys. Oh, yeah. Good show. We stayed too

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late. Yeah, it was a little late. I got home.

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I've been requiring myself to write for at least

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one hour when I get home. Finally writing. I

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didn't get to bed until four in the morning.

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Holy hell. So you got home and wrote? Wrote.

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That's crazy. Damn. So what do you write your

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best? I do it at night. Sometimes at bars. Sometimes

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when I'm on the way home. When I just get off

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stage? You just get off stage, your juices are

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still flowing? Sure. Sometimes you're, it's like

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every now and then you get the one gem out of

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ten. Just one little idea, one little spark.

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Oh, yeah. Come on, pussies, get in there. It's

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not shades yet. Well, we got like seven different

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drugs going around. Whatever, allegedly. Don't

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be scared of the future. What about a cigar?

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You want a cigar? Please. I'm all right. All

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right. No Shane. No Shane in that. Yep. Hey.

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Don't fat Shane. There's a tour. No Shane in

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that. It's just like you canceling gigs. What?

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No Shane in that tour. Oh, yeah. He loves titles.

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I don't like them. Yes, sir. Oh, grazie. Come

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up with a name. Names are tough. Yeah. What about

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when you have a kid? You've got to name that

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thing forever. I saw Buffett. It was a second

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wind tour. A lot of old people. Jimmy Buffett?

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Second wind tour is a great name. Second wind

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tour. For that, it is. It made me realize names

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of tours are cool. He's underrated. I'd go the

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opposite way. Damn. Three songs I knew. I like

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mine with lettuce and tomatoes. That's great.

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That's one of them. That's all you need, dude.

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Yeah, pop top, come on. Stepped on a pop top.

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What is that? Pumped in my heart. What's a pop

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top? You know, like a... Convertible? You pop

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a bottle. It's a Florida movie. But he stepped

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on it? It's Florida music. He stepped on it.

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He's drunk in his apartment. It's wholesome.

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Yeah, it's like it's passable. Can I get the

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circumcise? Florida's a good place. I was just

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down there. Oh, shit. I'd like to be there. That's

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amazing. How about it, guys? Let's move to Florida.

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Let's start this over. Florida's where you move

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to when everything goes terrible. Yeah. Key West.

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If everything goes bad in Texas, you move to

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Florida. If Beto O 'Rourke becomes governor.

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What? He's got a skateboard. He does, I'm sure.

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and everything slides into oblivion, you go to

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Florida. Florida's like the last stand before

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you just move to South America. And Key West

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is the last of Florida. Exactly. Before you get

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a compound in Mexico, you go to Florida. Key

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West is the jizz coming out of the dick. That's

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it. It's over, right on the bottom. I've never

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been to Key West. It's an escape. Is there a

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good club there? There's a small club, Key West

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Comedy. Yeah, is it good? It's great. 90 people.

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You do it? I just did it. Oh, no shit. Spend

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a week there. Do two shows. Nice. Jet ski. Jet

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ski. Bike everywhere. Leather lady. The people

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there must be just so fucking loose. They're

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devoid of any sort of fashion or trying to stick

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with anybody. I saw three cops in action, and

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all of them were trying to get an old lady from

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the street to the sidewalk. Yeah. She's like,

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you're too drunk at 4 p .m. Please, ma 'am. Please

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can you go to the sidewalk? You go to Hemingway's

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house? What's Hemingway's house? Yeah, it's pretty

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neat. You see all the cats with thumbs? Yes.

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It's great. They just have like... How does that

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happen? Breeding. Is it overbreeding? Breeding

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them on purpose. Inbreeding. Oh, on purpose.

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To make those thumbs. Hemingway cats. Yeah. Yeah.

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It's pretty great. That's Hemingway's cats. Yeah,

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we touched them. Pet them. No shit. Yeah, they're

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everywhere. It's pretty fun. They're scary. Look

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how big that is. Is there like a tour of his

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house you do? Yeah. It's awesome. Typewriters

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there and shit? Like that kind of deal? Yeah.

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That's why he killed himself. Oh. Yeah. Scary

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cats. Look at the hands on that thing. All the

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concussions he has. That is crazy. Yeah, it's

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nuts. Oh, he had a shit ton of concussions, right?

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Yeah. Really? Yeah, and they're like, this might

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have also led to his... CTE? Yeah. Yeah, he was

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in war, he was boxing. Oh, yeah. Couldn't knock

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that all the time. Can't tell, because I loved

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Hemingway, but he also seems kind of like a douche.

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I think he believed who he was. Yeah, there's

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a part of that that's annoying, where he's like,

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I'll fight anybody on this island. It's like,

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shut up, author. We're all just drinking. Author.

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Shut up, dork. Go play with your cats. Isn't

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that funny? Like, some guys are intellectuals.

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They feel like they have to do something like

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that to be legit. Yeah. Go out and get knocked

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out. Yeah. He loved, like, yeah, bullfighting.

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Oh, yeah. You hear that, Neil deGrasse? What

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about Neil deGrasse? He's a wrestler. Oh, yeah.

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Yeah, he wrestles. He was a beast, though, wasn't

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he? He was a wrestler. Yeah, he was fit. That'd

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be a bummer to get your ass whooped by Neil DeGrasse.

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I would. Start talking shit to him. That's that

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old school barrel chest. He looks like he wears

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a unitard to the beach. When men ate mostly oats,

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they looked like that. Oats. Oats part of the

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Patricia's breakfast. Looks like Orson Welles.

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He really does. They all ate oats and grits and

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shit. But he got laid quite a bit. Did he? He

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fucked. Oh, man. He fucked everybody. Getting

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rid of wives. Every wife he cheated on with his

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next wife. Jesus. Why marry again? Because he's

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a dummy. And after this one's over, I probably

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won't do it again. Guys get, they get all romantic.

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What do you got here? Some 18 -year -old scotch,

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sir. Oh, too old for me. Let's go, let's go.

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Hey, thank you. You want some? Don't be a pussy.

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All right, to the camera one. Oh, you're into

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this. That's all we have to do. Gentlemen, I

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look forward to this more than almost every day.

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Hey. So much fun. Hey. Those parks are going

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away. Hey. I do fucking hate parks. Oh, yeah.

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It's like nothing to protect them. We're flying

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down and Ari's like. You talking about Rosa?

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When we get there. There's more parks to be saved?

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No, I just wanted to go on a hike. No, we're

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flying down. He's like, what time do you land?

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Me and Norman were on the same flight. He's like,

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what time do you land? Let's get in. We'll get

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a hike in before the show. I'm like, dude, shut

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the fuck up. It's winter in New York. About a

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fucking hike. Oh, that's right. You guys are

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freezing up there. We can just sit outside and

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have a cocktail. Yeah, go outside by the lake.

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Hang out, watch the canoes roll by. It's beautiful.

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Beautiful. Yeah, you want to go inland into the

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city. Yeah, I had to buy deodorant. You're like,

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let's walk by the river. Then we walk by the

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river. There's fucking just homeless dudes living.

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Yep. In the fucking mud. Fucking hotel. It's

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sinking in. I know. Doesn't it bother you how

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much Ari loves, like, nature? It's so annoying.

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When you live in Manhattan, you need it. It's

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like a drug. You need to go get your drug. I

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want to walk in the park. Go to the park. Let's

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go to the park and just sit in the grass. Shut

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the fuck up, dude. I'm going to be in the ground

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soon with his age. Got to connect. That's right.

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Get used to it. Have you ever seen a coyote in

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Central Park? No, I've seen them in L .A. Apparently,

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they have them in Central Park now. What? Yeah,

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yeah. There's all these photos of coyotes in

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Central Park. Coyote? Maybe like the homeless.

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They're a weird animal. Like, as they get persecuted,

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they move. out and branch out their territory.

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It's like Jews. Yeah, I was going to say, it

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reminds me of something. Yeah. Well, they were

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attacked by the gray wolves. The gray wolves

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and them are not related. They're like the one

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animal, like when they have coy wolves, like

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when a coyote and a wolf breed, it's always a

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red wolf. So it's an eastern wolf. So the western

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wolves, the gray wolves, the ones that they killed

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off, and then they're bringing them back because

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they're idiots. They're bringing them back from

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Canada, like reintroducing wolves. Just letting

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them out in Manhattan. It's such a terrible idea.

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But the gray wolves used to kill the coyotes.

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So the coyotes, when the wolves were killing

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them, they would have more babies. So the females,

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whenever they do roll call and they scream out

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in the night, if one of them's missing, it causes

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the female to have extra pups. No. Whoa. Yeah,

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there's a great book called Coyote America. By

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Dan Flores. I had him on the podcast. Yeah. They're

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an amazing animal. I love the roll call. You

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hear it when they get something, they all like.

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I had to save my cat from some coyotes. Really?

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Yeah. Did I ever say this on here? Lay it on

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me, Petty. Yeah. No, I was just sitting at my

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parents' house. All of a sudden I heard some

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fucking dogs screaming in the backyard. I'd never

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heard that shit. They were just in my parents'

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backyard screaming. And I went outside and they

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were like circling my cat. Whoa. I had to run

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out there and like pick him up. I watched a coyote

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jump over my back fence with a chicken in its

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mouth. Jumped over my fence. It was like, you

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know, I guess like a six foot high fence. Jumped

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over it like it was nothing. Like it was nothing.

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Just bing to the top of the fence, paws on the

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top, over the fence. That's awesome. Just let

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me know, like, this fence is bullshit. This fence

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is doing zero. Like, my dog has zero chance of

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getting out. Right. These coyotes just go in

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and out like it's nothing. Damn. It's wild, man.

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See how agile. They're little wolves. They're

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wolves that live amongst us. They're just a small

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wolf. Yeah, I didn't know they were in Central

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Park. They're everywhere. They're in every single

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city in the country. What do they do, burrow?

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Look at them. Wow. Look at that. They're cute.

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Someone's roof. Yeah, someone's roof. But they're

00:09:51.730 --> 00:09:54.070
everywhere. That's Bushwick. So this is only

00:09:54.070 --> 00:09:56.330
within. Oh, that's a Photoshop. This is only

00:09:56.330 --> 00:09:59.029
within the last. Oh, no, it's not. That's just

00:09:59.029 --> 00:10:01.330
a perspective shot. Oh, really? Yeah, that's

00:10:01.330 --> 00:10:04.789
a roof. It's on a roof looking over. It's pretty

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crazy. He thought he was on the street. It's

00:10:08.169 --> 00:10:11.690
like a giant wolf about to eat the lady. It's

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on a roof. I guess that's the same coyote. But

00:10:15.210 --> 00:10:17.809
there's rats galore out there. That's snacks

00:10:17.809 --> 00:10:20.450
all day. Well, that's what they do in L .A. They

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clean up the rats in L .A. They're a reason why

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we're not infested. You think about all the fucking

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garbage that's on the floor in L .A. on the streets.

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Animals in the city is jarring. You see those

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monkeys? Yeah, they're fun. Is that in Florida?

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When I was with Stanhope, when I was staying

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at Stanhope's, me and him were drinking. We'd

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go around walking around at night. There'd be

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fucking javelinas everywhere. Javelinas kill

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his neighbor's dog. They fuck people up. They

00:10:45.090 --> 00:10:46.490
fucked up his neighbor's dog. This is a wild

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pig that's blind. It's fucking crazy. They don't

00:10:50.210 --> 00:10:51.710
have such good vision, but neither do regular

00:10:51.710 --> 00:10:54.269
wild pigs. Oh, really? Yeah, they operate by

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smell mostly. Smell and sound. They don't see

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very well. If you pause, like if you're sneaking

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up on one, you just pause, they give up on looking

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at you, and then they start eating the ground.

00:11:03.830 --> 00:11:06.009
Whoa. Yeah, those boys are running around. It's

00:11:06.009 --> 00:11:07.889
pretty fun. I shot one of those in South Texas

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a couple months ago. Nice. I bet they taste good.

00:11:09.529 --> 00:11:12.080
I turned it into chorizo. Hell yeah. I have a

00:11:12.080 --> 00:11:15.000
javelino chorizo. Yeah, little ones are great.

00:11:16.080 --> 00:11:18.019
They're a weird animal, man. They're not really

00:11:18.019 --> 00:11:21.480
a pig. It's called a peccary. It's like a cousin

00:11:21.480 --> 00:11:24.799
to a pig. Crazy teeth, man. Their teeth sharpen

00:11:24.799 --> 00:11:27.120
as they open and close their mouth. What do you

00:11:27.120 --> 00:11:28.580
mean? Their teeth rub against each other like

00:11:28.580 --> 00:11:32.950
two blades, like sharpening. Razor sharp teeth.

00:11:33.129 --> 00:11:35.470
It's crazy. Damn. Yeah, that's what their teeth

00:11:35.470 --> 00:11:38.490
look like. I hope Stanhope gets killed by javelinas.

00:11:39.450 --> 00:11:42.690
Just drunk walking in a dumb suit. That's a real

00:11:42.690 --> 00:11:45.669
possibility, man. If it's not them, it's the

00:11:45.669 --> 00:11:49.750
cartel. Oh, no. Just fucking pigs. Not my suit.

00:11:50.210 --> 00:11:53.350
What the hell? I can't reach my cigarette. Don't

00:11:53.350 --> 00:11:58.649
spill the Mai Tai. I was in a safari and a leopard

00:11:58.649 --> 00:12:02.240
walked by the jeep. And it went, oh, oh, oh,

00:12:02.240 --> 00:12:04.779
oh. And we were like, oh, oh. And it was salivating

00:12:04.779 --> 00:12:07.759
like crazy. And then 20 seconds later in a bush,

00:12:07.759 --> 00:12:10.580
you hear, oh, oh, oh. And he went and fucked

00:12:10.580 --> 00:12:14.279
it. No. Oh, he was in heat. Yeah. Wow. He went

00:12:14.279 --> 00:12:17.539
and fucked it. Wow. That was a mating call. Wow,

00:12:17.580 --> 00:12:21.299
what a weird mating call. Oh, oh, oh. That's

00:12:21.299 --> 00:12:24.340
right. It doesn't work. That's the end. But safari

00:12:24.340 --> 00:12:26.299
is crazy because the lions will walk right by

00:12:26.299 --> 00:12:28.500
you. Fuck that. And they just know not to eat

00:12:28.500 --> 00:12:30.700
you. Did you ever see that video of the lady?

00:12:30.759 --> 00:12:33.240
She's trying to take photos from the car with

00:12:33.240 --> 00:12:35.279
the windows rolled down. And the cat reaches

00:12:35.279 --> 00:12:37.159
in and grabs her and pulls her out of the car.

00:12:37.379 --> 00:12:39.720
Pull it up. It's in Africa. It's a lady. She's

00:12:39.720 --> 00:12:42.080
in the backseat of a car. And they tell you to

00:12:42.080 --> 00:12:44.440
keep your windows rolled up. And she just decides

00:12:44.440 --> 00:12:47.460
to roll it down to take photos. This lion just

00:12:47.460 --> 00:12:49.279
pulls her out of the car. You saw the one with

00:12:49.279 --> 00:12:51.720
the Asian guy screaming at his wife. She gets

00:12:51.720 --> 00:12:54.519
out of the car. She gets out of the car in a

00:12:54.519 --> 00:12:57.379
fucking tiger park to scream at her. And so she

00:12:57.379 --> 00:13:00.080
gets jagged. She gets grabbed by this fucking

00:13:00.080 --> 00:13:03.340
tiger. And then the mom comes out to try to save

00:13:03.340 --> 00:13:05.820
her. And the mom gets killed. So she lived. And

00:13:05.820 --> 00:13:08.679
then the husband starts to get out. I'm free,

00:13:08.879 --> 00:13:12.700
actually. Damn. He should just push her. Is that

00:13:12.700 --> 00:13:16.500
a video? Yeah, it's a video. It's horrible. Cats

00:13:16.500 --> 00:13:18.539
can't help themselves, man. If they see you outside,

00:13:18.659 --> 00:13:20.980
here it is. So this is the tiger in the room.

00:13:20.980 --> 00:13:23.159
She's like, you motherfucker, I fucking told

00:13:23.159 --> 00:13:27.240
you I saw your DMs. So she gets out of the car.

00:13:27.559 --> 00:13:29.659
He's like, what are you doing? Gets all the way

00:13:29.659 --> 00:13:32.700
around. To yell at him. So she's yelling, and

00:13:32.700 --> 00:13:34.840
other people are stopping, and then you realize,

00:13:35.000 --> 00:13:38.259
out of nowhere, too late. Like, instantaneously.

00:13:38.259 --> 00:13:42.039
So he runs after it, and then the mom gets out,

00:13:42.139 --> 00:13:44.080
and she's the one who gets killed. Oh, you can't

00:13:44.080 --> 00:13:45.139
hang out with mom. So that lady gets killed.

00:13:45.240 --> 00:13:47.679
But she's trying to protect her child, man. Imagine

00:13:47.679 --> 00:13:51.259
how, like, why did I raise this crazy lady? I

00:13:51.259 --> 00:13:53.259
raised a crazy person who gets out in a fucking

00:13:53.259 --> 00:13:56.340
car, screaming at tigers. The lady, only the

00:13:56.340 --> 00:13:58.960
mom got killed. This one right here, she got

00:13:58.960 --> 00:14:01.340
killed. The last one out of the car got killed.

00:14:01.519 --> 00:14:03.019
That's got to be the last way you want to die.

00:14:03.179 --> 00:14:05.259
That's not a good way to die. When they eat your

00:14:05.259 --> 00:14:07.279
foot off first. Any animal alive. Yeah, animals.

00:14:07.500 --> 00:14:09.639
Great way to get out of a relationship. I'll

00:14:09.639 --> 00:14:12.240
fight with her in the park with tigers. I know

00:14:12.240 --> 00:14:13.659
this crazy bitch. She'll get out of the car.

00:14:13.659 --> 00:14:15.179
She'll get out. She always gets out. And then

00:14:15.179 --> 00:14:17.840
Ling Ling will run up and eat her. They'll let

00:14:17.840 --> 00:14:19.860
you know. They'll get out in traffic. I don't

00:14:19.860 --> 00:14:23.399
give a fuck. This is the people that would just

00:14:23.399 --> 00:14:25.500
yell at you in traffic. But it works. I think

00:14:25.500 --> 00:14:26.539
the government fault was me because they said

00:14:26.539 --> 00:14:27.960
if I got out of the car in the rain, you would

00:14:27.960 --> 00:14:30.259
come out and chase me, right? I'm like no. I'd

00:14:30.259 --> 00:14:31.639
respect your decision to get out of the car.

00:14:31.799 --> 00:14:33.200
I hate when they do that. What do you mean, Chase?

00:14:33.240 --> 00:14:35.100
They didn't come after me. Oh, that's so stupid.

00:14:35.279 --> 00:14:37.500
I thought you hated me. Yeah. I had that happen

00:14:37.500 --> 00:14:40.419
when I was 21. I was dating this girl, and she

00:14:40.419 --> 00:14:42.159
got mad. She goes, let me out of the car. I go,

00:14:42.220 --> 00:14:44.120
okay. So I pulled over and let her out of the

00:14:44.120 --> 00:14:45.379
car, and she got out of the car, and I drove

00:14:45.379 --> 00:14:47.179
home. What the fuck are you doing? And then she

00:14:47.179 --> 00:14:48.919
called me the next day. She goes, why the fuck

00:14:48.919 --> 00:14:50.460
did you just leave me there? I go, you told me

00:14:50.460 --> 00:14:51.860
you wanted to get out of the car. I was giving

00:14:51.860 --> 00:14:53.259
you space. I was trying to be dramatic for no

00:14:53.259 --> 00:14:55.100
reason. What am I going to do? Say no, don't

00:14:55.100 --> 00:14:57.720
get out of the car, other adult that I'm talking

00:14:57.720 --> 00:15:00.559
to? She was like, I was a tech. What the hell,

00:15:00.600 --> 00:15:03.679
Joe? I dropped off in Kenmore Square. It was

00:15:03.679 --> 00:15:06.200
a nice spot. Uh -oh. Rough area? Plenty of transportation.

00:15:06.720 --> 00:15:09.720
Nice area. Nothing dangerous about it. It was

00:15:09.720 --> 00:15:11.580
just like, come on. I had to take a... Train

00:15:11.580 --> 00:15:13.820
home like a peasant. Just someone yelling at

00:15:13.820 --> 00:15:16.220
you, like, let me out of the car. Like, oh, please

00:15:16.220 --> 00:15:18.419
get out of the car. Yeah, right. Perfect. Please,

00:15:18.419 --> 00:15:21.460
goodbye. Bye. As soon as you listen, then you

00:15:21.460 --> 00:15:25.139
listen to your own music. Yeah, fine. Nice. This

00:15:25.139 --> 00:15:27.559
is the same girl when I was in a car accident

00:15:27.559 --> 00:15:32.820
with her, and I had a Whitesnake cassette in

00:15:32.820 --> 00:15:34.480
my car, and she made me leave it in the car.

00:15:34.639 --> 00:15:37.200
She's like, don't take that. What? Because I

00:15:37.200 --> 00:15:39.860
was taking my stuff to leave. She's like, you

00:15:39.860 --> 00:15:42.210
shouldn't be listening to that. She thought Whitesnake

00:15:42.210 --> 00:15:47.470
was stupid. Here I go again on my own. Catchy

00:15:47.470 --> 00:15:50.389
tune. She was into intelligent music. She was

00:15:50.389 --> 00:15:52.429
smarter than me. Like what? I don't know. I don't

00:15:52.429 --> 00:15:55.070
remember. Crap. Some shit. Some pixies or some

00:15:55.070 --> 00:15:57.730
shit. Some shit that shows people you're deep.

00:15:58.289 --> 00:16:03.049
Some shit that's emotional. Look, man, if you

00:16:03.049 --> 00:16:06.230
can't appreciate a good fucking Whitesnake video,

00:16:06.509 --> 00:16:08.830
it's fun. Doesn't mean it's the only thing you

00:16:08.830 --> 00:16:10.759
like. Like, you know, I like ice cream, too.

00:16:11.000 --> 00:16:13.500
I like other stuff. I like stuff. Some of the

00:16:13.500 --> 00:16:17.139
stuff I like is dumb. I like South Park. I like

00:16:17.139 --> 00:16:19.419
things. South Park rules. They fucking rule.

00:16:19.679 --> 00:16:21.399
Did you see what they just did? What'd they do?

00:16:21.539 --> 00:16:24.950
They went at Harry and Meghan. She's suing them.

00:16:25.149 --> 00:16:26.570
And they're trying to sue them. It's like, don't

00:16:26.570 --> 00:16:30.950
fucking kick that hornet's nest. Oh, my God.

00:16:31.129 --> 00:16:32.870
Yeah. You're just going to empower them to go

00:16:32.870 --> 00:16:35.129
harder. Pretty brilliant episode. Not suing,

00:16:35.129 --> 00:16:37.669
just mad. Just mad. Oh, okay. They made an official

00:16:37.669 --> 00:16:40.649
statement that we are angry. Yeah. Which was

00:16:40.649 --> 00:16:44.289
exactly what the episode was. Oh, okay. It's

00:16:44.289 --> 00:16:45.570
exactly what they were making fun of them for.

00:16:45.669 --> 00:16:48.210
Yeah, they nailed it. And she's mad. Well, you

00:16:48.210 --> 00:16:51.169
know. You know what's going on. Someone wanted

00:16:51.169 --> 00:16:52.929
a lot of attention, and now they got it. That

00:16:52.929 --> 00:16:54.070
was the whole episode. That was the episode.

00:16:54.509 --> 00:16:56.509
Is that what it was? We want privacy, and they

00:16:56.509 --> 00:16:59.309
keep going on every magazine. We're on a privacy

00:16:59.309 --> 00:17:02.389
tour. Yeah, the Babylon Bee went after him, too,

00:17:02.429 --> 00:17:04.730
for that. I just couldn't picture it. We just

00:17:04.730 --> 00:17:05.910
want to be regular people. And they're like,

00:17:06.029 --> 00:17:10.329
wait, no, job? No way. Yeah, go work at a supermarket.

00:17:10.609 --> 00:17:12.589
Pretend regular people. Yeah, be a regular person.

00:17:12.750 --> 00:17:15.029
Go get a job in an office. That would be an intense

00:17:15.029 --> 00:17:17.180
level of white guilt. If they just start working.

00:17:17.319 --> 00:17:20.740
Fuck, I'm British royalty? Yeah. Yeah. Damn,

00:17:20.740 --> 00:17:23.539
we did some bad stuff. She's half black. And

00:17:23.539 --> 00:17:25.880
then the wife convinces you to leave the royal

00:17:25.880 --> 00:17:28.740
family. Like, I'm out. I don't need you guys.

00:17:29.160 --> 00:17:30.759
Which is crazy, because don't you just get free

00:17:30.759 --> 00:17:32.660
money? Dude, give me my allowance. What do you

00:17:32.660 --> 00:17:35.099
get when you're a royal? You get a stipend. You

00:17:35.099 --> 00:17:37.200
get a stipend. What's a stipend? I'm sure it's

00:17:37.200 --> 00:17:37.859
a million a month. You spend on anything you

00:17:37.859 --> 00:17:39.420
want? Yeah, what about the countesses? Do they

00:17:39.420 --> 00:17:42.500
get paid? Yeah, all of them. That's a good question,

00:17:42.579 --> 00:17:44.359
right? Like, what's the chart? How far down do

00:17:44.359 --> 00:17:46.750
you go? Before you're like, you don't get a check

00:17:46.750 --> 00:17:47.670
anymore. What do you think you get if you're

00:17:47.670 --> 00:17:50.130
a prince? What do you think a prince gets? Oh,

00:17:50.170 --> 00:17:53.049
it's all jewels and rubies and shit. I bet publicly

00:17:53.049 --> 00:17:56.269
their salary is nothing. Right. But they show.

00:17:56.509 --> 00:17:57.869
But then, you know, it's all fucking jewels.

00:17:57.869 --> 00:18:00.450
But there has to be some. They do get paid something,

00:18:00.589 --> 00:18:03.390
though, right? Yeah. I saw one episode of that

00:18:03.390 --> 00:18:05.450
dumb crown show and it was the queen bitching

00:18:05.450 --> 00:18:07.869
about how her fucking private yacht is too old

00:18:07.869 --> 00:18:09.069
and they're going to have to do renovations.

00:18:09.670 --> 00:18:12.450
Turn this the fuck off. Why do you care about

00:18:12.450 --> 00:18:14.170
this? I got to play with my girlfriend about

00:18:14.170 --> 00:18:16.269
that show. I was watching. I started saying up

00:18:16.269 --> 00:18:18.029
the rock the whole time. I was like, I'm fucking

00:18:18.029 --> 00:18:20.289
Irish. Fuck these people. And she made me get

00:18:20.289 --> 00:18:22.069
a 23 of me. She was like, you're not even Irish.

00:18:23.230 --> 00:18:27.910
I just did it yesterday. I put on Braveheart.

00:18:27.970 --> 00:18:29.549
I was like, look at this shit, dude. Fuck the

00:18:29.549 --> 00:18:32.509
British. There you go. There's still tension

00:18:32.509 --> 00:18:35.569
there. Really? They hate the mix. I remember

00:18:35.569 --> 00:18:38.430
when I went to Belfast. You go to Northern Ireland,

00:18:38.490 --> 00:18:40.730
and they still have cars that are set up for

00:18:40.730 --> 00:18:43.329
bombs. What do you mean? They had bomb -proof

00:18:43.329 --> 00:18:45.410
cars. They had cars that were like the entire

00:18:45.410 --> 00:18:48.029
car was covered in metal. They had this huge

00:18:48.029 --> 00:18:51.549
bumper system set up. It was like they're cars

00:18:51.549 --> 00:18:54.849
for bombs because they might have to deal with

00:18:54.849 --> 00:18:58.319
the IRA. Not that long ago. I was there, like,

00:18:58.380 --> 00:19:01.400
2000 -ish, somewhere in the 2000s, like 2005,

00:19:01.759 --> 00:19:03.579
2006 or something like that we were over there.

00:19:03.920 --> 00:19:06.980
So, like, even back then, they had these cars

00:19:06.980 --> 00:19:09.660
that were armored. I was like, this is wild.

00:19:09.779 --> 00:19:11.420
And, you know, when you talk to people and they

00:19:11.420 --> 00:19:13.240
talk to you about, like, the horrors that they

00:19:13.240 --> 00:19:15.039
had, the war between the Protestants and the

00:19:15.039 --> 00:19:17.720
Catholics. Such a weird one. Oh, crazy. The same

00:19:17.720 --> 00:19:20.220
exact people. Molotov cocktails coming through.

00:19:20.279 --> 00:19:22.180
But it just shows you, people can other people

00:19:22.180 --> 00:19:24.140
so easy. But they're gross gingers. They got

00:19:24.140 --> 00:19:26.420
other pretty hard by the British. Oh, they're

00:19:26.420 --> 00:19:27.880
pretty fucking hard. Yeah, like, your religion's

00:19:27.880 --> 00:19:30.420
illegal, your music's illegal, everything. Freckles.

00:19:30.940 --> 00:19:34.390
Freckles. No more shillelaghs? No more leprechauns.

00:19:34.450 --> 00:19:39.309
Duh. Fuck that. We need those fucking leprechauns.

00:19:40.269 --> 00:19:43.750
People are donating guns. Well, the Irish are

00:19:43.750 --> 00:19:45.720
fun because they don't get offended. They're

00:19:45.720 --> 00:19:47.099
one of the last group. I mean, look at the Notre

00:19:47.099 --> 00:19:49.460
Dame guy. It's a drunk midget with a hat cocked.

00:19:49.980 --> 00:19:53.079
That's so true. You can call them drunk pedophiles

00:19:53.079 --> 00:19:54.599
all you want. They have to just take it. I have,

00:19:54.660 --> 00:19:56.759
like, five cousins with that tattoo. There you

00:19:56.759 --> 00:19:58.720
go. Exactly. Everyone has the Notre Dame thing.

00:19:59.759 --> 00:20:02.119
Clover. Hell yeah. Oh, yeah. Isn't that funny?

00:20:02.140 --> 00:20:03.500
Because you never see, like, a Native American

00:20:03.500 --> 00:20:06.140
with a Chiefs tattoo. Yeah. Look at that guy.

00:20:06.240 --> 00:20:08.240
That's fucking offensive. Look at how offensive

00:20:08.240 --> 00:20:11.220
he is. Hey, I had a fucking fight with you. I

00:20:11.220 --> 00:20:14.059
had a conversation with a guy at a bar in Belfast.

00:20:15.139 --> 00:20:17.960
He's got his face. You called me gay? When you're

00:20:17.960 --> 00:20:21.579
in Belfast, they barely speak English. You barely

00:20:21.579 --> 00:20:23.500
can understand what they're saying. And this

00:20:23.500 --> 00:20:26.859
guy, all he was saying to me, we were both hammered.

00:20:26.859 --> 00:20:29.220
He's like, I'll fight any man. That's all he

00:20:29.220 --> 00:20:32.099
kept saying. I'll fight any man, fucking Chocolatel,

00:20:32.160 --> 00:20:35.799
whoever it is, I'll fight any man. And I go,

00:20:35.880 --> 00:20:38.680
I believe you, bro. Let's do another shot. We

00:20:38.680 --> 00:20:43.099
were getting blasted. They go hard. They go hard.

00:20:43.140 --> 00:20:46.019
They go hard. Do not keep up. Guinness and shots.

00:20:46.400 --> 00:20:48.859
Oh, yeah. Them and the Scottish. Even the British.

00:20:48.880 --> 00:20:51.039
They all go so fucking hard. They go so hard.

00:20:51.240 --> 00:20:53.640
British go hard on fucking drugs. The Germans

00:20:53.640 --> 00:20:55.500
do. And they love cocaine. They love coke. They

00:20:55.500 --> 00:20:57.599
love molly. They don't have to deal with the

00:20:57.599 --> 00:20:59.940
fentanyl shit like we do. Apparently over there.

00:20:59.980 --> 00:21:03.160
Is that dying? Apparently over there, even a

00:21:03.160 --> 00:21:06.039
lot of the royals are partying. Really? A lot

00:21:06.039 --> 00:21:08.660
of the politicians party. Everybody knows Boris.

00:21:08.940 --> 00:21:10.460
What's his name? The guy that's out. out now?

00:21:10.799 --> 00:21:13.920
Karloff. That guy. The vampire. What's his name?

00:21:14.059 --> 00:21:17.740
I have no idea. Boris Johnson. That guy partied.

00:21:17.740 --> 00:21:20.039
That was like the thing about him is that he

00:21:20.039 --> 00:21:21.859
partied. That's how they ended the COVID lockdowns.

00:21:21.859 --> 00:21:23.640
They called him a massive party. You're right.

00:21:24.619 --> 00:21:26.779
Everybody party. He looks hungover all the time.

00:21:26.799 --> 00:21:28.299
His hair's all fucked up. He looks like Jeff

00:21:28.299 --> 00:21:30.140
Daniels in Dumb and Dumber. I think he's having

00:21:30.140 --> 00:21:32.019
a good time. He's out there having a good time.

00:21:32.220 --> 00:21:34.700
Our pet's heads are falling off. What happened

00:21:34.700 --> 00:21:36.720
to him? I think he's still around. I don't know.

00:21:36.799 --> 00:21:39.309
But he's not their guy anymore. He's not. I have

00:21:39.309 --> 00:21:40.529
no idea what the plus is. Didn't they have a

00:21:40.529 --> 00:21:43.130
new lady and she quit quick? She took the job

00:21:43.130 --> 00:21:45.390
for like six weeks and quit. Is that in the UK?

00:21:45.670 --> 00:21:47.690
Yeah, we were over there. That's right. When

00:21:47.690 --> 00:21:49.970
we were over there, the lady had just quit. She

00:21:49.970 --> 00:21:52.630
was whatever they are, their queen, king, prime

00:21:52.630 --> 00:21:54.009
minister. It's so funny hearing about their politics

00:21:54.009 --> 00:21:55.329
and you're like, I don't care at all about it.

00:21:55.329 --> 00:21:57.269
I don't have it. I don't have your party system.

00:21:57.269 --> 00:21:59.710
They care so much about us. They love us. Yeah.

00:21:59.809 --> 00:22:01.990
Well, we're the weirdos that have the bombs that

00:22:01.990 --> 00:22:04.410
we've launched. But we're the reality TV of news

00:22:04.410 --> 00:22:06.730
for sure. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Kardashian, the

00:22:06.730 --> 00:22:08.650
Kanye's. I mean, we got the best stuff. Oh, yeah,

00:22:08.690 --> 00:22:11.309
we got the most stuff. Yeah, we're the wildest

00:22:11.309 --> 00:22:13.599
to follow. The Musk. Yeah, and it's also, we

00:22:13.599 --> 00:22:16.079
have, like, free speech. We have a lot of weird

00:22:16.079 --> 00:22:18.579
shit over here. Everybody has guns. Very interesting.

00:22:19.000 --> 00:22:20.500
Yeah. If you were looking at us from another

00:22:20.500 --> 00:22:22.339
country's perspective, you're like, what a fucking

00:22:22.339 --> 00:22:25.059
crazy place. Yeah. Guns. Free speech. They all

00:22:25.059 --> 00:22:27.779
have guns. Mental illness. So much mental illness.

00:22:27.819 --> 00:22:30.640
They celebrate it. A lot of pharma. Yeah. A lot

00:22:30.640 --> 00:22:32.779
of drugs. Mental illness. Celebrate it. We're

00:22:32.779 --> 00:22:34.180
getting so many homeless people. We made it seem

00:22:34.180 --> 00:22:36.599
cool. What percentage of celebrities come out

00:22:36.599 --> 00:22:39.059
of America worldwide? It's fucking got to be

00:22:39.059 --> 00:22:40.819
a giant number. And if they don't, they come

00:22:40.819 --> 00:22:42.559
here. Like, all the... Canadian funny people

00:22:42.559 --> 00:22:44.599
come here. There's like three Chinese stars that

00:22:44.599 --> 00:22:47.059
ever got known here. Well, that K -pop's huge.

00:22:47.359 --> 00:22:49.380
K -pop. Yeah, they're huge over there, but like

00:22:49.380 --> 00:22:51.359
Jackie Chan, Bruce Lee. Jackie Chan, exactly.

00:22:51.480 --> 00:22:55.259
Who else? I don't know. Yao Ming. Dr. Ken. Yao

00:22:55.259 --> 00:23:00.680
Ming. Who else? No. The pandas. They're all China.

00:23:01.180 --> 00:23:05.680
Pandas. Bobby Lee. Who else? You know China leases

00:23:05.680 --> 00:23:08.299
us pandas? They lease them. Those are leased

00:23:08.299 --> 00:23:09.980
to us. We don't own those. They call those back

00:23:09.980 --> 00:23:12.420
if they want. Yeah, and if we have a panda on

00:23:12.420 --> 00:23:16.099
our soil, they get it. Wow. That's how it starts.

00:23:16.420 --> 00:23:18.900
That's how it starts. Yeah, they got them by

00:23:18.900 --> 00:23:20.480
the balls. Interesting. I think we pay them a

00:23:20.480 --> 00:23:23.599
million a year each. Wow, interesting. I love

00:23:23.599 --> 00:23:25.750
pandas. I wonder how that really works. After

00:23:25.750 --> 00:23:28.049
a change of policy in 84, pandas were leased

00:23:28.049 --> 00:23:31.930
instead of gifted. Interesting. Yeah, leased.

00:23:32.589 --> 00:23:34.990
Leased. We should fucking kill them. Pandas?

00:23:35.009 --> 00:23:36.410
Yeah, send a message. We should kill the pandas

00:23:36.410 --> 00:23:38.809
and be like, all right, we're done. We leased

00:23:38.809 --> 00:23:41.180
it, but. It's damaged. We're not paying the deposit.

00:23:41.440 --> 00:23:43.559
You guys want to get my kids hooked on TikTok?

00:23:43.740 --> 00:23:46.440
I'll show you what the fuck I do to pandas. Boom,

00:23:46.859 --> 00:23:49.819
right in the face. We got them hostage. They

00:23:49.819 --> 00:23:53.140
fucked up. If there's an animal that represents

00:23:53.140 --> 00:23:57.079
America, it's funny that it's an eagle. It's

00:23:57.079 --> 00:24:00.099
kind of a fucking soulless, evil creature that

00:24:00.099 --> 00:24:03.160
likes to eat dead fish. Have you ever seen an

00:24:03.160 --> 00:24:06.059
eagle look straight on? In the eyes? They're

00:24:06.059 --> 00:24:09.170
just dorks. They don't look regal at all. Really?

00:24:09.269 --> 00:24:11.769
They're flying reptiles. Franklin was right,

00:24:11.789 --> 00:24:13.549
dude. We should have had the turkey. He wanted

00:24:13.549 --> 00:24:15.230
the turkey. Is that right? Yeah, and they're

00:24:15.230 --> 00:24:16.630
everywhere. That would have been sick. Didn't

00:24:16.630 --> 00:24:19.710
he used to be a dog? I think at one point in

00:24:19.710 --> 00:24:21.369
time it was the dog. It was like a pit bull.

00:24:21.490 --> 00:24:22.630
That would have been awesome. That makes more

00:24:22.630 --> 00:24:24.890
sense. I think it was a pit bull. Pit bull would

00:24:24.890 --> 00:24:27.349
have been really sick. Is that true that America's

00:24:27.349 --> 00:24:29.309
national animal was a pit bull at one point in

00:24:29.309 --> 00:24:31.289
time? I don't think so. It's just the wrapper.

00:24:31.289 --> 00:24:34.069
I feel like there's... Yeah, it was just in Harlem.

00:24:34.609 --> 00:24:38.779
Yeah, it depends where. That guy goes down some

00:24:38.779 --> 00:24:40.579
conspiracy rabbit holes. You ever hear of Pitbull?

00:24:40.660 --> 00:24:42.799
No. Yeah, he goes down some conspiracy rabbit

00:24:42.799 --> 00:24:45.730
holes. Those dudes that grew up in Cuba, the

00:24:45.730 --> 00:24:47.329
guys that come from Cuba, they don't want to

00:24:47.329 --> 00:24:49.930
hear any fucking socialism bullshit. Shut the

00:24:49.930 --> 00:24:52.549
fuck up. Like we had it real? Yeah. All those

00:24:52.549 --> 00:24:54.670
people that came out of those Eastern Bloc countries

00:24:54.670 --> 00:24:57.009
that have experienced actual real communism,

00:24:57.130 --> 00:24:59.829
shut the fuck up. You can talk to Christina Pazitsky

00:24:59.829 --> 00:25:03.170
about it. She's like, shut the fuck up. People

00:25:03.170 --> 00:25:05.789
whose family came from that part of the world

00:25:05.789 --> 00:25:08.150
where communism was real and it ruined everything

00:25:08.150 --> 00:25:10.230
and killed everybody, they're like, hey, you

00:25:10.230 --> 00:25:12.470
fucking idiots. You have no idea what you're

00:25:12.470 --> 00:25:14.849
calling for. what you're asking for and what

00:25:14.849 --> 00:25:17.490
the history of this is worldwide. Yeah. Zero

00:25:17.490 --> 00:25:22.430
success stories. Zero. They're all convinced

00:25:22.430 --> 00:25:23.890
they're going to do it right. Not only not a

00:25:23.890 --> 00:25:26.509
success story, but horrific. Horrific. The worst

00:25:26.509 --> 00:25:29.289
things possible. Yeah. Starved to death. People

00:25:29.289 --> 00:25:31.509
eating their children. No accountability. The

00:25:31.509 --> 00:25:35.089
government elects the government. It's my favorite

00:25:35.089 --> 00:25:38.690
part of Chernobyl. I love how the Soviet Union

00:25:38.690 --> 00:25:42.500
handled disasters. And there's a guy, they bring

00:25:42.500 --> 00:25:43.920
all the people in the town in, and this guy's

00:25:43.920 --> 00:25:45.920
like, look, everything's under control. And one

00:25:45.920 --> 00:25:47.819
guy in the town's like, why is the air glowing?

00:25:48.019 --> 00:25:49.220
And they're like, get him the fuck out of here.

00:25:50.279 --> 00:25:53.660
The guy's like, everything's fine. What is going

00:25:53.660 --> 00:25:55.700
on in East Palestine right now? I think we might

00:25:55.700 --> 00:25:57.940
be getting hit with it. Yeah, I mean, do you

00:25:57.940 --> 00:25:59.779
see the videos of people throwing rocks into

00:25:59.779 --> 00:26:02.380
the water? Do you see the oil slicks that pool

00:26:02.380 --> 00:26:04.420
up? No, really? Because they're saying that,

00:26:04.480 --> 00:26:06.980
you know, it only went a certain distance away

00:26:06.980 --> 00:26:09.599
from the actual spill site. But people are way

00:26:09.599 --> 00:26:12.240
far away, and they're experiencing dead animals,

00:26:12.500 --> 00:26:15.599
dead birds, dead pets. And then people are throwing

00:26:15.599 --> 00:26:18.440
rocks into rivers, and you see these big, huge,

00:26:18.619 --> 00:26:23.349
like... Chemical circles where the water gets

00:26:23.349 --> 00:26:27.289
disturbed. Just like oil slicks. It looks really

00:26:27.289 --> 00:26:30.490
fucking sketchy. Dead fish everywhere. I think

00:26:30.490 --> 00:26:34.329
Pete's got it. Yeah, Mayor Pete's doing a good

00:26:34.329 --> 00:26:36.369
job. Well, he's definitely the most qualified

00:26:36.369 --> 00:26:40.910
guy for the job. I mean, he's definitely not

00:26:40.910 --> 00:26:42.509
there for any other reason other than he's amazing.

00:26:43.799 --> 00:26:46.319
Are you alluding to something? I'm just saying

00:26:46.319 --> 00:26:48.839
he's amazing. He's amazing and he's doing a great

00:26:48.839 --> 00:26:51.359
job. Great job. Yeah. Is there a part of Ari

00:26:51.359 --> 00:26:56.819
as a Jew that's like, yeah, fuck Palestine? Legit

00:26:56.819 --> 00:26:58.279
a little bit. When I started reading that story,

00:26:58.380 --> 00:27:01.099
I was like, wait, what? Here we go. Yeah, right

00:27:01.099 --> 00:27:03.279
away your hackles are up. Like oil spill. Who

00:27:03.279 --> 00:27:05.200
gave the Palestinians oil? And a bunch of trains

00:27:05.200 --> 00:27:08.000
broke. Oh, yeah, you guys hate fucking trains.

00:27:08.019 --> 00:27:12.339
We hate trains. Good call. Yeah. sabotage the

00:27:12.339 --> 00:27:13.980
trains it's gotta be they keep every fucking

00:27:13.980 --> 00:27:16.380
day there's like some new explosion in a factory

00:27:16.380 --> 00:27:19.299
now yeah it's like am i just noticing it is that

00:27:19.299 --> 00:27:21.440
the effect of like the news is just showing it

00:27:21.440 --> 00:27:22.839
to you because these things happen all the time

00:27:22.839 --> 00:27:25.460
global warming but jamie hit me with jamie tell

00:27:25.460 --> 00:27:28.200
me that say that weird one you said that was

00:27:28.200 --> 00:27:31.839
bothering me oak ridge oak ridge boys uranium

00:27:31.839 --> 00:27:35.259
plant on fire right now today says no injuries

00:27:35.259 --> 00:27:39.849
but uranium fire holy shit at all What's his

00:27:39.849 --> 00:27:41.210
name? He told me a weird one last night. He was

00:27:41.210 --> 00:27:43.430
like, the two main food sources in the entire

00:27:43.430 --> 00:27:46.430
world is Ukraine and the Midwest. Really? He's

00:27:46.430 --> 00:27:48.630
like, now there's a chemical fucking spill in

00:27:48.630 --> 00:27:50.609
the Midwest. Sometimes when I see a lot of stories

00:27:50.609 --> 00:27:52.150
about the same thing, chemical spill, nuclear

00:27:52.150 --> 00:27:54.450
spill, it's like, oh, I feel like they're prepping

00:27:54.450 --> 00:27:57.009
us for some level of like, hey, we're going to

00:27:57.009 --> 00:27:58.690
change the laws on this. And we're just getting

00:27:58.690 --> 00:28:00.210
everybody ready. Like gun control, they start

00:28:00.210 --> 00:28:03.190
pushing every shooting at a Seattle bar. They

00:28:03.190 --> 00:28:05.029
start telling you about all of them. Interesting.

00:28:05.470 --> 00:28:06.269
And you're like, oh, they're coming with something.

00:28:06.809 --> 00:28:09.730
That could be. It could be something. Well, there's

00:28:09.730 --> 00:28:11.509
definitely been times in history where they've

00:28:11.509 --> 00:28:14.150
done things like that, like where they've blown

00:28:14.150 --> 00:28:17.390
things up on purpose. Hitler burnt the Reichstag.

00:28:17.529 --> 00:28:21.329
Nero burnt Rome. They do false flags to get people

00:28:21.329 --> 00:28:24.190
to panic, and then they create new laws to clamp

00:28:24.190 --> 00:28:27.130
down on them. That's a real standard practice

00:28:27.130 --> 00:28:30.390
that dictators use. I don't know. But they would

00:28:30.390 --> 00:28:33.430
never use that here in America. All right. We're

00:28:33.430 --> 00:28:39.859
better. That's like why all the fucking checks

00:28:39.859 --> 00:28:41.700
and balances are in place in the way the government

00:28:41.700 --> 00:28:44.240
is run, to prevent that kind of shit from happening,

00:28:44.319 --> 00:28:46.160
because it happens everywhere people get into

00:28:46.160 --> 00:28:48.259
power. So you have to have it. People are like,

00:28:48.299 --> 00:28:50.559
well, if the Republicans can control the House,

00:28:50.640 --> 00:28:52.619
now there has to be fighting. Everybody has to

00:28:52.619 --> 00:28:55.759
fight. If they're not fighting, it would be way

00:28:55.759 --> 00:28:58.200
worse. If they were all in agreement on everything,

00:28:58.359 --> 00:29:01.079
it would be fucking terrible for all of us, because

00:29:01.079 --> 00:29:03.480
they would all eventually pass laws that would

00:29:03.480 --> 00:29:06.519
give them more and more power, it would be worse.

00:29:06.740 --> 00:29:08.039
Well, that was the point of the Second Amendment.

00:29:08.180 --> 00:29:10.000
Yeah. Was just, hey, we need the guns in case

00:29:10.000 --> 00:29:12.000
the government comes at us. It's funny that people

00:29:12.000 --> 00:29:14.299
don't want to believe that. It's just, pay attention

00:29:14.299 --> 00:29:16.880
to the rest of the world whenever something happens

00:29:16.880 --> 00:29:18.900
and people have to be locked in their homes.

00:29:19.000 --> 00:29:21.400
Like, they'd comply. People comply everywhere

00:29:21.400 --> 00:29:23.960
else but here. Over here, they're like, yeah,

00:29:24.380 --> 00:29:25.940
I don't like you telling me what to do. Go to

00:29:25.940 --> 00:29:29.460
the beach. Yeah, why can't I get in the ocean?

00:29:29.500 --> 00:29:32.119
Shut the fuck up. You can't tell me what to do.

00:29:32.180 --> 00:29:34.900
This is crazy. Isn't it from sea to shining sea?

00:29:36.099 --> 00:29:38.759
Yeah. Go out to the sea. What about mountains?

00:29:39.450 --> 00:29:41.369
Yeah, they sanded over all the skate parks during

00:29:41.369 --> 00:29:43.450
COVID. Remember that shit? That was wild. Oh,

00:29:43.450 --> 00:29:46.329
yeah, they took down all the nets. So sad. Yeah.

00:29:46.450 --> 00:29:49.269
But it's just so bizarre how quickly everything

00:29:49.269 --> 00:29:53.470
shifted. Bob Lazar. Bob Lazar. Bob Lazar. Bob

00:29:53.470 --> 00:29:55.930
Lazar. Someone should make a song about that.

00:29:57.390 --> 00:29:58.789
Have you ever watched that guy talk? What do

00:29:58.789 --> 00:30:00.930
you think? Bob Lazar? Yeah. Yeah, I've seen him.

00:30:00.970 --> 00:30:04.069
What do you think? I don't know. When he says

00:30:04.069 --> 00:30:06.069
he saw that alien that one time, that kind of...

00:30:06.250 --> 00:30:08.710
Bothered me. He didn't say he saw an alien. He

00:30:08.710 --> 00:30:11.309
said he saw something that was in a chair, and

00:30:11.309 --> 00:30:13.349
then these men were facing it. It was smaller

00:30:13.349 --> 00:30:15.269
than him. I think he seems like he's telling

00:30:15.269 --> 00:30:17.130
the truth. Sounds like an illegal Mexican, yeah.

00:30:17.170 --> 00:30:19.170
The way he's described it is like it could have

00:30:19.170 --> 00:30:21.230
been a doll. I don't know what it was. It could

00:30:21.230 --> 00:30:22.569
have been they were trying to figure out what

00:30:22.569 --> 00:30:25.269
size these things are. He goes, I'm literally

00:30:25.269 --> 00:30:29.130
walking by looking at something in a 12 by 8

00:30:29.130 --> 00:30:31.789
window. It happens. I don't know. We shouldn't

00:30:31.789 --> 00:30:33.410
talk about it until something happens. It feels

00:30:33.410 --> 00:30:35.089
like just a lot of shit. A lot of jerking off.

00:30:35.759 --> 00:30:37.779
I got a police call on me on New Year's. We do

00:30:37.779 --> 00:30:39.640
this Ecuador thing where you take an effigy.

00:30:39.960 --> 00:30:42.839
put a straw in a shirt and jeans and you light

00:30:42.839 --> 00:30:45.680
it on fire and jump over it. Wait, what? It's

00:30:45.680 --> 00:30:48.220
just an Ecuadorian tradition. Were you in Ecuador

00:30:48.220 --> 00:30:49.240
when this happened? No, we were in Staten Island.

00:30:50.779 --> 00:30:52.599
He's trying to be international. They called

00:30:52.599 --> 00:30:54.880
the cops on us. They were like, we gotta report

00:30:54.880 --> 00:30:58.180
somebody's burning a body alive. It's this body

00:30:58.180 --> 00:31:02.339
-sized thing that's on fire. That's what they

00:31:02.339 --> 00:31:04.759
used to do at Bohemian Grove. When they would

00:31:04.759 --> 00:31:07.220
go to Moloch the Owl God when all the fucking

00:31:07.220 --> 00:31:10.710
elites like fucking Nixon. and Ford and Reagan.

00:31:10.869 --> 00:31:13.490
They would go to this Bohemian Grove, and one

00:31:13.490 --> 00:31:14.869
of the things they would do is they would burn

00:31:14.869 --> 00:31:16.869
this effigy that was supposed to represent a

00:31:16.869 --> 00:31:19.769
body. They were all dressed like druids and shit

00:31:19.769 --> 00:31:21.730
in front of... There's video of it. Alex Jones

00:31:21.730 --> 00:31:23.349
got video footage. Pull it up. Did Nixon call

00:31:23.349 --> 00:31:25.730
it gay? He said it's the faggiest thing he's

00:31:25.730 --> 00:31:28.009
ever seen. He was talking about how the people

00:31:28.009 --> 00:31:30.549
behaved there, and apparently these guys would

00:31:30.549 --> 00:31:33.190
go there and just fuck each other. And it was

00:31:33.190 --> 00:31:36.710
in Northern California, which is, you know, there's

00:31:36.710 --> 00:31:39.589
a lot of gay folk up in there. that region of

00:31:39.589 --> 00:31:42.349
the world. Sure. And so this place was their

00:31:42.349 --> 00:31:44.890
spot where all these elites would go and they

00:31:44.890 --> 00:31:47.730
would party. That's so great. That's what Bohemian

00:31:47.730 --> 00:31:49.769
Grove was. Paint up like gold. Yeah. Pull up

00:31:49.769 --> 00:31:52.529
Nixon's account of Bohemian Grove. Where's the

00:31:52.529 --> 00:31:56.470
lighter? Who's got the lighter? Ari. Nixon's

00:31:56.470 --> 00:31:59.529
phone calls are fun, too. A lot of N -word. Really?

00:31:59.609 --> 00:32:03.450
Oh, it's full Michael Richards. Wow. There it

00:32:03.450 --> 00:32:06.720
is. So he's talking about it? Lex and Tate discuss

00:32:06.720 --> 00:32:36.279
homosexuals. That San Francisco growl goes there.

00:32:36.279 --> 00:32:39.599
It's just terrible. I mean, don't shake hands

00:32:39.599 --> 00:32:43.539
with anybody from San Francisco. I mean, I won't

00:32:43.539 --> 00:32:45.619
shake hands with anybody from San Francisco.

00:32:45.619 --> 00:32:49.160
That place that they would go to, they would

00:32:49.160 --> 00:32:52.900
all dress up like they were druids. There's video

00:32:52.900 --> 00:32:54.740
footage of it. It's the craziest thing ever.

00:32:55.279 --> 00:32:59.480
Yeah, yeah, yeah. John Ronson and Alex Jones

00:32:59.480 --> 00:33:02.799
snuck in. What? Yeah, yeah. It was like 2000.

00:33:03.079 --> 00:33:07.420
It was a long -ass time ago. Prove it. So this

00:33:07.420 --> 00:33:10.539
is what it looks like. There's a giant owl god

00:33:10.539 --> 00:33:13.599
statue, and they burn this effigy in front of

00:33:13.599 --> 00:33:15.920
the giant owl god that's supposed to be representative

00:33:15.920 --> 00:33:18.359
of a sacrifice. Is this the original Burning

00:33:18.359 --> 00:33:21.859
Man? I mean, just go to Epstein's Island at this

00:33:21.859 --> 00:33:23.539
point. At least you get laid. Just take a flight.

00:33:24.659 --> 00:33:27.259
It could just be these two places. There's probably

00:33:27.259 --> 00:33:29.599
a shitload of those places we don't know about

00:33:29.599 --> 00:33:31.940
yet. The eyes wide shut places? Definitely. Yeah,

00:33:31.940 --> 00:33:33.480
I mean, when did we learn about Epstein's Island?

00:33:33.660 --> 00:33:38.099
I heard about it from Alex Jones. Ten years ago.

00:33:38.299 --> 00:33:40.779
A long time ago. That's the craziest thing I've

00:33:40.779 --> 00:33:43.339
ever heard. There's a place where they take politicians

00:33:43.339 --> 00:33:45.619
and movie stars and they compromise them with

00:33:45.619 --> 00:33:49.460
underage girls. Really? An island? Somebody owns

00:33:49.460 --> 00:33:51.420
an island? Talking about that? No. They got an

00:33:51.420 --> 00:33:54.160
invited party early on. Like in stand -up, and

00:33:54.160 --> 00:33:56.339
there was somebody's house in the hills, and

00:33:56.339 --> 00:33:58.559
it was all the top -level celebrities, like Leo

00:33:58.559 --> 00:34:02.660
and everyone like that. Yeah. And then some guy

00:34:02.660 --> 00:34:03.779
was like, do you want to go in? He goes, no,

00:34:04.019 --> 00:34:06.799
because if they ask me to get in the tub with

00:34:06.799 --> 00:34:10.099
them, I'm going to. I don't want to go down this

00:34:10.099 --> 00:34:12.320
road. Jeffrey Epstein was accused of sex -trafficking

00:34:12.320 --> 00:34:15.039
young girls on his mysterious private island

00:34:15.039 --> 00:34:17.659
over 40 years ago. A different millionaire escaped

00:34:17.659 --> 00:34:20.739
justice in a stunningly similar case. It's probably

00:34:20.739 --> 00:34:22.980
how they've always done it. Oh, yeah. If you

00:34:22.980 --> 00:34:24.900
just think about it. If you want to get these

00:34:24.900 --> 00:34:27.199
world leaders on your side, the best way is to

00:34:27.199 --> 00:34:29.579
compromise them. Have a bunch of dirt on them.

00:34:29.639 --> 00:34:32.119
Right. And then getting in that - Vegas does

00:34:32.119 --> 00:34:34.059
that, right? Videotapes fucking senators and

00:34:34.059 --> 00:34:36.119
getting hookers. Do they? Vegas does that? And

00:34:36.119 --> 00:34:37.380
then it's like, we have you. When it was the

00:34:37.380 --> 00:34:39.300
old mob. Oh, the mob Vegas. Yeah, of course.

00:34:39.320 --> 00:34:41.079
I've got to stop playing Vegas. Of course. The

00:34:41.079 --> 00:34:44.019
old Vegas. Back when they were running it dirty.

00:34:44.219 --> 00:34:45.559
Running it dirty. But yeah, cameras and the internet.

00:34:45.780 --> 00:34:48.440
Cell phone cameras ruined a lot of fun and the

00:34:48.440 --> 00:34:50.840
internet. Yeah, I think about it every time I

00:34:50.840 --> 00:34:52.690
whack off. What do you mean? Someone's watching

00:34:52.690 --> 00:34:55.130
you. Man, if this camera catches my bad face,

00:34:55.309 --> 00:34:57.630
it could ruin you with that face. Somebody's

00:34:57.630 --> 00:34:59.969
watching me. And it knows what you're Googling,

00:34:59.969 --> 00:35:01.969
too. Oh, yeah. I don't even go privacy. How long

00:35:01.969 --> 00:35:04.309
before there's zero privacy? How long before

00:35:04.309 --> 00:35:06.530
anyone could look at anybody's phone and all

00:35:06.530 --> 00:35:08.789
information, they can't stop it? It's been years.

00:35:09.369 --> 00:35:11.030
Technology has just reached this point where

00:35:11.030 --> 00:35:13.829
all data and all numbers are just available to

00:35:13.829 --> 00:35:15.130
everybody at every time. Privacy's not expected.

00:35:15.130 --> 00:35:17.269
I'd hate for this to get out. No privacy. Everybody

00:35:17.269 --> 00:35:19.130
knows where you're going to be. You can't lie.

00:35:19.369 --> 00:35:22.599
Could happen. Can't avoid people, oh, so sorry,

00:35:22.739 --> 00:35:25.519
my mother -in -law's in town. Really? I see her

00:35:25.519 --> 00:35:28.940
pin. Gotta go. My Google Glasses say you're lying.

00:35:29.199 --> 00:35:31.659
You'll see their temperature and shit go up.

00:35:32.219 --> 00:35:35.079
Some people, when they're in relationships, they'll

00:35:35.079 --> 00:35:38.139
turn their location services on so they're significant

00:35:38.139 --> 00:35:40.079
enough to contract them wherever they are. Yeah,

00:35:40.079 --> 00:35:43.019
I have friends that do that. Really? Yeah. I

00:35:43.019 --> 00:35:46.219
was like, dude, you gotta stop. That's terrifying.

00:35:46.239 --> 00:35:49.179
The owner of the... Omaha Funnybone does that

00:35:49.179 --> 00:35:52.480
with her kids. It's one thing with your kids,

00:35:52.639 --> 00:35:55.260
but when you're doing it with your wife or you're

00:35:55.260 --> 00:35:57.840
doing it with your, or, you know, it just seems

00:35:57.840 --> 00:36:00.380
crazy. Well, it's just such a lack of trust.

00:36:00.579 --> 00:36:02.960
Yeah, it's just very weird. You're following

00:36:02.960 --> 00:36:05.079
where they are all the time. That would make

00:36:05.079 --> 00:36:06.920
me not want to be with someone. They were like,

00:36:07.039 --> 00:36:08.739
what are you doing? Where are you? Of course.

00:36:08.840 --> 00:36:12.400
Well, this isn't fun. No. Some people want that

00:36:12.400 --> 00:36:14.420
kind of relationship. They want someone controlling

00:36:14.420 --> 00:36:18.650
them. They want a parent again. They had a parent,

00:36:18.690 --> 00:36:20.110
and then they want a parent again. If you put

00:36:20.110 --> 00:36:22.110
it that way, I kind of like it. She's a dominating

00:36:22.110 --> 00:36:24.909
woman. Clean your room. I'd be like, I don't

00:36:24.909 --> 00:36:28.550
want to play an Xbox. Spank me. Spank my flat

00:36:28.550 --> 00:36:30.650
ass. Do you want your dick sucked or not? Clean

00:36:30.650 --> 00:36:33.070
your fucking room. Ooh, I like that. Make me

00:36:33.070 --> 00:36:36.869
suck your high heel. What? Ew. Ew, all the fucking

00:36:36.869 --> 00:36:40.820
things she stepped in. Come on, bro. What kind

00:36:40.820 --> 00:36:42.860
of bacteria is on that? I do do the old fish

00:36:42.860 --> 00:36:44.480
hook on the lady, and I'm just thinking about

00:36:44.480 --> 00:36:46.719
the subway pole and whatnot. You fish hook your

00:36:46.719 --> 00:36:50.960
lady when you wash your hands first? Jesus, fish

00:36:50.960 --> 00:36:52.599
hook is a weird move. Just like at dinner and

00:36:52.599 --> 00:37:03.079
shit. I'm going to order the salmon. Can I get

00:37:03.079 --> 00:37:05.820
that old flamer? He's got it. People are into

00:37:05.820 --> 00:37:08.579
weird shit. Oh, yeah. They really are. Choking.

00:37:08.920 --> 00:37:10.719
I'm not good with the dirty talk. I'm afraid

00:37:10.719 --> 00:37:12.780
I'm in this. I've never even tried. Dirty talk's

00:37:12.780 --> 00:37:14.539
insane. Dirty talk sucks. With this voice and

00:37:14.539 --> 00:37:16.679
the comedic rhythm. I feel like such a loser.

00:37:17.280 --> 00:37:19.300
Part of the problem is we're comics, so we know

00:37:19.300 --> 00:37:21.239
how ridiculous it is. What are you, a whore?

00:37:21.860 --> 00:37:24.880
You dirty. Oh, you're a whore. You call that

00:37:24.880 --> 00:37:27.820
a pussy, you fat skank? Yeah, it's not good.

00:37:28.750 --> 00:37:31.510
Nice pussy, you drunk bitch. Some people, like,

00:37:31.530 --> 00:37:35.650
put on wigs and they play roles. Some people

00:37:35.650 --> 00:37:38.630
pretend to be, like, the UPS driver delivering

00:37:38.630 --> 00:37:44.010
a package. Yeah, that's alarming. Yeah, and then

00:37:44.010 --> 00:37:45.949
when you're out of town, the actual fucking thing

00:37:45.949 --> 00:37:49.210
happens. Why'd you use my name as the same guy's?

00:37:50.429 --> 00:37:53.349
What the fuck, Tim? Tim is the actual UPS driver.

00:37:53.449 --> 00:37:57.050
No, we're not doing that. Come on, it's a fantasy,

00:37:57.289 --> 00:38:00.820
baby. I'm going to call you Tim. I don't think

00:38:00.820 --> 00:38:03.719
I've ever been with a woman that was into any

00:38:03.719 --> 00:38:06.659
role -playing. Here's my fantasy. I feel like

00:38:06.659 --> 00:38:11.000
an idiot. You feel like it's current? Not the

00:38:11.000 --> 00:38:12.760
role -playing, but I would feel stupid dressing

00:38:12.760 --> 00:38:16.340
up as a busboy. Imagine if that was a thing.

00:38:16.460 --> 00:38:19.599
We have to keep this fresh. Lingerie's retarded.

00:38:19.820 --> 00:38:25.820
For sure. I don't mind it. It looks hot. Then

00:38:25.820 --> 00:38:28.449
you just take it off right away. And she has

00:38:28.449 --> 00:38:31.070
to take it off, too. I'd like to role play with

00:38:31.070 --> 00:38:33.809
my lady having some money. That's the role play?

00:38:33.889 --> 00:38:37.010
That's a weird role. That kind of relate when

00:38:37.010 --> 00:38:39.769
the lady has all the cash? That's a good role

00:38:39.769 --> 00:38:42.429
play. Hey, thanks for paying the rent again.

00:38:43.010 --> 00:38:46.590
Exactly. Thanks for picking up this check. Remember

00:38:46.590 --> 00:38:49.010
when I bought dinner last night? That's fucking

00:38:49.010 --> 00:38:54.250
crazy. I paid for dinner and I was laying in

00:38:54.250 --> 00:38:56.070
bed last night and I was like... That's it, though.

00:38:56.110 --> 00:38:57.530
Once you pay for dinner, it's like literally

00:38:57.530 --> 00:38:59.090
a five -minute period where people are like,

00:38:59.130 --> 00:39:00.349
thanks. Oh, thanks, man. That was really cool.

00:39:00.369 --> 00:39:01.409
And then it's nothing. The only good thing is...

00:39:01.409 --> 00:39:02.510
I was like, I'm just going to keep bringing it

00:39:02.510 --> 00:39:04.110
up. You don't have to pay for the dinner. The

00:39:04.110 --> 00:39:05.469
next day, I'll be like, damn, that was an expensive

00:39:05.469 --> 00:39:08.570
dinner. That was nice I did that. The pork chop.

00:39:08.909 --> 00:39:10.789
But you're good for the next few, because you

00:39:10.789 --> 00:39:13.349
got that one. That's the thing you get. We'll

00:39:13.349 --> 00:39:15.110
see. Not with you two cheap fucks. I would have

00:39:15.110 --> 00:39:18.050
paid for breakfast. This is crazy. This guy's

00:39:18.050 --> 00:39:20.889
the Bruce Lee. You guys are unbelievable. You're

00:39:20.889 --> 00:39:22.570
cheap as fuck, dude. Mark's cheaper than me.

00:39:22.570 --> 00:39:24.969
Mark's like, it's free. I got to take it. It's

00:39:24.969 --> 00:39:26.289
free. I look up to Mark. I can't waste shit.

00:39:26.489 --> 00:39:29.750
Yeah. We got a little stipend with the old hotel.

00:39:29.769 --> 00:39:32.329
Thank you. And I'm going to eat all of it. I'm

00:39:32.329 --> 00:39:33.769
going to get shit to go, bring it on the plane.

00:39:33.909 --> 00:39:36.889
Yeah. It's crazy. I can't let it go. It's crazy.

00:39:37.130 --> 00:39:40.250
I get it. All right. I get it. We're all poor.

00:39:40.449 --> 00:39:43.269
It stays in your head. It stays in your head.

00:39:43.449 --> 00:39:45.670
Oh, yeah. I got a pocket full of hotel soap.

00:39:47.150 --> 00:39:50.190
No, this is not growing up poor. It's just fucking

00:39:50.190 --> 00:39:53.650
crazy shit. Hotel soap is where I draw the line.

00:39:53.730 --> 00:39:56.570
You don't use hotel soap? Hotel soap? No. I'll

00:39:56.570 --> 00:39:58.269
take a hotel soap. I'll bring my own hotel soap.

00:39:58.369 --> 00:39:59.809
I'll bring my own soap. You bring your own soap?

00:40:00.110 --> 00:40:03.710
What? Sometimes, yeah. Lava? No, defense soap.

00:40:03.789 --> 00:40:06.550
I wear a special kind of soap. It's like a soap

00:40:06.550 --> 00:40:08.429
that's designed for grapplers. Keeps you from

00:40:08.429 --> 00:40:10.949
getting... Smell me. Smell good, right? That

00:40:10.949 --> 00:40:12.670
makes sense. Smell good. Smell hot. Tea tree

00:40:12.670 --> 00:40:15.050
oil, eucalyptus and shit. It's a special kind

00:40:15.050 --> 00:40:17.170
of soap that prevents you from getting like,

00:40:17.170 --> 00:40:21.909
you can get like staph infections and ringworm

00:40:21.909 --> 00:40:23.909
and shit like that. It helps protect you from

00:40:23.909 --> 00:40:26.530
that. Okay. You don't want to rub away all your

00:40:26.530 --> 00:40:27.969
natural oils. It's just good. It's natural oils.

00:40:28.030 --> 00:40:31.269
It's got all kinds of good natural oils. It's

00:40:31.269 --> 00:40:34.139
a natural soap. It smells good too. Yeah, it

00:40:34.139 --> 00:40:36.340
does. And you know, there's certain stuff, like

00:40:36.340 --> 00:40:39.679
certain soaps, you're getting a lot of perfumes.

00:40:39.780 --> 00:40:41.920
Yeah. Those perfumes will fuck with your skin.

00:40:41.940 --> 00:40:44.239
Hotel soap bars, they kind of dry your skin out

00:40:44.239 --> 00:40:46.380
sometimes. Big dry. I'm ashy. But you take them

00:40:46.380 --> 00:40:49.300
home? Not as ashy as his grandparents, but ashy.

00:40:49.400 --> 00:40:52.980
Oh, Jesus Christ. He survived it. Oh, all right,

00:40:52.980 --> 00:40:55.860
all right. I don't like that talk. Jesus Christ.

00:40:56.260 --> 00:40:58.719
Mark, I don't like that talk, and I'm not a part

00:40:58.719 --> 00:41:01.920
of it. Won't happen again. It's impossible to

00:41:01.920 --> 00:41:03.750
avoid. I can't believe you. He can't stop himself.

00:41:03.949 --> 00:41:08.050
Free Palestine, Ohio. He can't stop. He can't

00:41:08.050 --> 00:41:11.230
stop himself. Free Palestine. Yeah. I mean, how

00:41:11.230 --> 00:41:13.590
does this fucking play out? You know, they weren't

00:41:13.590 --> 00:41:15.170
even going to give him FEMA money until Trump

00:41:15.170 --> 00:41:17.949
decided to go down there. Really? I'm sure they

00:41:17.949 --> 00:41:20.349
would say, that's misinformation and propaganda.

00:41:20.369 --> 00:41:23.590
But they had denied them. Why? There's also the

00:41:23.590 --> 00:41:25.110
other side where the governor was like, I'm denying

00:41:25.110 --> 00:41:27.690
it. I think he's a Republican governor. Why would

00:41:27.690 --> 00:41:30.489
he do that? Why? Isn't that true? Maybe we're

00:41:30.489 --> 00:41:32.289
wrong. We're getting both sides. Maybe the reason

00:41:32.289 --> 00:41:34.389
why is because they want liability from the company

00:41:34.389 --> 00:41:35.989
and the company to pay for everything. Maybe

00:41:35.989 --> 00:41:40.269
it's that. Apparently the railroad that they

00:41:40.269 --> 00:41:42.849
were transporting those chemicals on was not

00:41:42.849 --> 00:41:45.789
set up for hazardous materials. They're trying

00:41:45.789 --> 00:41:47.949
to cut costs. Are you peeing already? No, it's

00:41:47.949 --> 00:41:50.650
early. Come on, old man. No, it's okay. Let him

00:41:50.650 --> 00:41:52.969
pee. Go ahead and pee. This is bad. It's okay,

00:41:53.010 --> 00:41:55.699
buddy. Don't let him fuck with you. You got those

00:41:55.699 --> 00:41:58.619
fresh sunglasses on, man. Be a boss. Go out there

00:41:58.619 --> 00:42:01.260
and piss. You look like a police drawing of a

00:42:01.260 --> 00:42:05.760
pedophile. Look at this. What do you look like?

00:42:06.000 --> 00:42:10.500
You hear the noise I make? It's like the Pillsbury.

00:42:10.980 --> 00:42:14.300
I'm always just happy when Ari's going to the

00:42:14.300 --> 00:42:16.280
actual restroom. I'm always happy when he leaves.

00:42:16.579 --> 00:42:21.389
Bye! May I? Keep them coming there. I think this

00:42:21.389 --> 00:42:23.949
episode, Mark gets fucked up. Mark's under the

00:42:23.949 --> 00:42:26.210
radar every episode. He's already ready to roll.

00:42:26.349 --> 00:42:33.789
He's making ashy jokes. Hell yeah. The Jews had

00:42:33.789 --> 00:42:39.909
a good time. The Kanye, I think people propped

00:42:39.909 --> 00:42:42.389
up the Jews for a second. His special did well.

00:42:43.119 --> 00:42:44.739
We had to pretend to like him. It was what a

00:42:44.739 --> 00:42:47.039
perfect timing for his special. Beautiful. I

00:42:47.039 --> 00:42:49.679
mean, it was like a cultural moment. Like the

00:42:49.679 --> 00:42:52.780
universe gave him a window. Whoop, go right here.

00:42:52.840 --> 00:42:55.199
Go right through. It was like Ronnie Chang with

00:42:55.199 --> 00:42:57.960
Stop Asian Hate. That helped him. Well, he was

00:42:57.960 --> 00:43:00.179
around before Stop Asian Hate. But that really.

00:43:00.360 --> 00:43:03.780
Did it? Oh, yeah. Yeah? He's funny, too. He is

00:43:03.780 --> 00:43:05.519
funny. He's really funny. He's a very good comic.

00:43:05.579 --> 00:43:09.639
Yeah. But he was, before Stop Asian Hate, his

00:43:09.639 --> 00:43:12.780
big special came out. That was great. That was

00:43:12.780 --> 00:43:16.360
like in the Netflix special. Yeah. 2016, 17?

00:43:16.739 --> 00:43:19.940
17. Yeah. Cool guy, too. Great guy. Good fucking

00:43:19.940 --> 00:43:23.000
dude. Good egg. Funny motherfucker. Yeah. Nice.

00:43:23.099 --> 00:43:24.840
I like when we do that. It feels weird without

00:43:24.840 --> 00:43:29.190
Ari, doesn't it? I love it. Less anxiety in the

00:43:29.190 --> 00:43:30.650
room. God, when he's fucking hitting you with

00:43:30.650 --> 00:43:32.969
the let's go hiking, let's fucking... What do

00:43:32.969 --> 00:43:34.250
you think that's all about? I don't think he

00:43:34.250 --> 00:43:35.929
even likes it. I think he likes saying he likes

00:43:35.929 --> 00:43:38.130
hiking. He likes nature. I like what you're saying.

00:43:38.130 --> 00:43:39.710
That's what bothers me. No, he likes it. That's

00:43:39.710 --> 00:43:41.670
what annoys me. He's like, I gotta leave the

00:43:41.670 --> 00:43:43.150
country. It's like, you don't like leaving the

00:43:43.150 --> 00:43:44.809
fucking country. You like saying you left the

00:43:44.809 --> 00:43:47.769
country. That's me being an asshole because I

00:43:47.769 --> 00:43:49.909
was his very close friend. That might be... You

00:43:49.909 --> 00:43:51.409
might be onto something. I'm gonna say it to

00:43:51.409 --> 00:43:53.489
his face. He goes to China for a year. There's

00:43:53.489 --> 00:43:55.570
something about what you're saying that's resonating

00:43:55.570 --> 00:43:57.329
with... me. It's like getting in a cold plunge.

00:43:58.090 --> 00:43:59.829
You know, it's like you can only do it for so

00:43:59.829 --> 00:44:01.730
long. You pretend you like it. Well, you got

00:44:01.730 --> 00:44:03.429
to make it your personality if you cold plunge.

00:44:03.489 --> 00:44:05.489
Right. Everybody goes all in. It's like yoga

00:44:05.489 --> 00:44:09.010
or vegan diet. Yes. You keep talking about it.

00:44:09.070 --> 00:44:11.849
We get it, Huberman. What's Trump doing? Uh -oh.

00:44:12.170 --> 00:44:14.150
He was at Palestine today. Hold on. Of course

00:44:14.150 --> 00:44:15.789
he was. Look at him. Look at all those guys in

00:44:15.789 --> 00:44:17.329
the background. Who do you think that guy with

00:44:17.329 --> 00:44:19.449
the mustache is voting for? It ain't Biden. It

00:44:19.449 --> 00:44:22.429
ain't Hillary. Look at him. It's a costume. It's

00:44:22.429 --> 00:44:23.969
like a Guess Who character. Look at that mustache.

00:44:24.760 --> 00:44:26.780
That guy's got a lot of guns. Damn, look at all

00:44:26.780 --> 00:44:28.539
those guys. They all look the same. Even the

00:44:28.539 --> 00:44:30.019
woman looks the same. Look at that fucking lunch

00:44:30.019 --> 00:44:32.699
lady. She's got a bitter, bitter face. What is

00:44:32.699 --> 00:44:35.320
he saying? I just said finish. I'll go back.

00:44:35.539 --> 00:44:37.699
There's their leader. Who's that guy? Just the

00:44:37.699 --> 00:44:40.519
normal dude. Our leader. The most handsome man

00:44:40.519 --> 00:44:43.179
in the world. But Biden made it. I want to thank

00:44:43.179 --> 00:44:46.780
those of you that helped. John Rourke, who's

00:44:46.780 --> 00:44:50.760
fantastic. Blue line moving. Is John here? Hello,

00:44:50.880 --> 00:44:54.050
John. Good job. Got a lot of trucks coming up

00:44:54.050 --> 00:44:58.090
with water, right? That's true. You're a fantastic

00:44:58.090 --> 00:45:00.949
guy. Friend of my son, Don, who's also here.

00:45:01.510 --> 00:45:04.070
Where's Don? Good job. Did you get him to do

00:45:04.070 --> 00:45:06.530
that? I think so. I think it was a 95 % voter

00:45:06.530 --> 00:45:09.210
rate for Trump in Ohio. He helps. Thank you very

00:45:09.210 --> 00:45:11.889
much, John. Appreciate it. What? Two fellas moving

00:45:11.889 --> 00:45:14.590
company. That can't be true. Pull it up. He's

00:45:14.590 --> 00:45:16.610
helping. It's a swing state. He's giving shout

00:45:16.610 --> 00:45:20.719
-outs. Palestine. Oh, okay. He's giving shout

00:45:20.719 --> 00:45:22.000
outs to all the people that delivered water.

00:45:22.139 --> 00:45:24.500
The new, the MAGA hats with the giant font is

00:45:24.500 --> 00:45:26.920
so fucking funny. They went even harder. Dude.

00:45:27.099 --> 00:45:29.219
They went harder. I think I told you. When I

00:45:29.219 --> 00:45:31.360
was in Mar -a -Lago, every dude there was wearing

00:45:31.360 --> 00:45:35.340
a flat brim that said M -A -G -A, like a bedazzled

00:45:35.340 --> 00:45:38.860
MAGA hat. Oh my God. It was fucking crazy. What

00:45:38.860 --> 00:45:44.599
is Mar -a -Lago like? So sick. I tried to pretend.

00:45:44.699 --> 00:45:46.179
I was like, as soon as I got in there, I was

00:45:46.179 --> 00:45:49.300
like, yo, this is it. Really? You can tour it?

00:45:49.609 --> 00:45:53.769
No. I got in. Somebody I knew there worked with

00:45:53.769 --> 00:45:57.010
the Trumps. They came to my show, and we got

00:45:57.010 --> 00:45:57.909
drunk, and they're like, do you want to come

00:45:57.909 --> 00:45:59.769
to Mar -a -Lago? I was like, yeah. I thought

00:45:59.769 --> 00:46:01.070
they were full of shit. The next day, they're

00:46:01.070 --> 00:46:02.389
like, all right, we'll pick you up. You got to

00:46:02.389 --> 00:46:04.329
go past armed guards. They're like, we got to

00:46:04.329 --> 00:46:06.389
get this guy on the list. But yeah, then you

00:46:06.389 --> 00:46:08.190
get in there, and it's a bunch of old billionaires,

00:46:08.289 --> 00:46:11.869
like dudes. Is it a country club? It's very small.

00:46:11.929 --> 00:46:14.070
It's a community? It's very small. There's one

00:46:14.070 --> 00:46:16.550
spa. There's that big room. And he lives there?

00:46:16.789 --> 00:46:20.340
Yeah, he lives in a wing. Which is so wild. He

00:46:20.340 --> 00:46:22.579
lives in a place where people can visit. And

00:46:22.579 --> 00:46:24.980
then everyone sits in that patio restaurant area

00:46:24.980 --> 00:46:26.800
and they're like, he might come out today. Oh

00:46:26.800 --> 00:46:28.699
my God, he might come out today. And that room

00:46:28.699 --> 00:46:30.699
is hilarious. And everybody, look how beautiful.

00:46:30.900 --> 00:46:33.460
It's so grand. It's so grand. There's a solid

00:46:33.460 --> 00:46:36.920
gold constitution. Old rich people money. That's

00:46:36.920 --> 00:46:39.400
pretty. That's a beautiful place. Welcome to

00:46:39.400 --> 00:46:41.940
Mar -a -Lago, the crown jewel of Palm Beach.

00:46:42.199 --> 00:46:44.260
It's got to be a golf course. No, no golf course.

00:46:44.340 --> 00:46:46.639
What? Palm Beach is close to, wow, look at that.

00:46:46.860 --> 00:46:49.380
Wow. Close to West Palm, right? We should have

00:46:49.380 --> 00:46:51.159
a show there. It is, yeah. It is. I thought the

00:46:51.159 --> 00:46:52.340
Mellow Mushroom was there. We should do a show

00:46:52.340 --> 00:46:55.139
in Mar -a -Lago. We were talking about doing

00:46:55.139 --> 00:46:56.860
protect our parks if Trump would just set us

00:46:56.860 --> 00:47:00.199
up a studio. Yeah Don't even say we're there.

00:47:00.280 --> 00:47:02.159
He would do it. Just a bunch of palm trees behind

00:47:02.159 --> 00:47:05.420
us. Just doing it. We didn't even have to tell

00:47:05.420 --> 00:47:07.320
anybody we're there. See a baby being led away

00:47:07.320 --> 00:47:10.179
from sacrifice. Just we'll occasionally talk

00:47:10.179 --> 00:47:14.539
about Florida. Florida's great. We had a great

00:47:14.539 --> 00:47:17.599
meal last night. Where the fuck are you? It was

00:47:17.599 --> 00:47:18.880
something about, I forget what it is, he had

00:47:18.880 --> 00:47:20.900
like a giant flag in the front of it and there

00:47:20.900 --> 00:47:23.420
was like laws saying your flag couldn't be that

00:47:23.420 --> 00:47:27.039
tall. So he elevated the land. So he elevated

00:47:27.039 --> 00:47:29.539
like a hill to put the flag on. That's what America's

00:47:29.539 --> 00:47:32.519
about, loopholes. It was crazy. He's a big loophole

00:47:32.519 --> 00:47:36.139
guy. He loves a loophole. You tell him you can't

00:47:36.139 --> 00:47:39.340
have a flag high. Shut the fuck up. Is the stick

00:47:39.340 --> 00:47:42.019
itself? Is it stopping planes? Like, what are

00:47:42.019 --> 00:47:47.099
we doing? Maybe. Is it an eyesore? Yeah, I mean,

00:47:47.119 --> 00:47:49.380
in that area, everyone loves that guy. Look at

00:47:49.380 --> 00:47:52.340
it. Yeah, you had to elevate the ground. Oh.

00:47:53.119 --> 00:47:55.760
Smart move. It is a good move. It's a good hack.

00:47:56.920 --> 00:47:58.500
It was weird, though. It was very uncomfortable.

00:47:58.920 --> 00:48:02.039
In what way? Just seeing rich people, weird dudes

00:48:02.039 --> 00:48:05.519
wearing a MAGA hat. Weird old rich guys. It's

00:48:05.519 --> 00:48:08.320
a lot. With, like, a blazer and, like, a polo.

00:48:08.320 --> 00:48:10.519
Oh, that is weird. Yeah. It's a weird combination

00:48:10.519 --> 00:48:12.619
of, like, formal dress and baseball hat. And

00:48:12.619 --> 00:48:14.739
then just a ridiculous hat. It's true. A ridiculous

00:48:14.739 --> 00:48:18.000
hat. No one's ever done that before Trump. In

00:48:18.000 --> 00:48:20.420
terms of a politician, when he was on television,

00:48:20.659 --> 00:48:22.980
he had a bad hair day. Just slap on the old MAGA

00:48:22.980 --> 00:48:25.380
hat. What are you going to do? Yeah, you never

00:48:25.380 --> 00:48:28.760
saw Reagan in a hat. A baseball hat? If he was

00:48:28.760 --> 00:48:30.519
in a hat, it would probably be like a cowboy

00:48:30.519 --> 00:48:34.139
hat. Let it slide. Pretend to be a cowboy. Yeah,

00:48:34.199 --> 00:48:36.940
he's pretending. Like George W. Oh, yeah. A lot

00:48:36.940 --> 00:48:38.440
of cowboys. George W. from Connecticut? Maine.

00:48:38.900 --> 00:48:41.000
Yeah? They're from Maine. He's got a bunk port.

00:48:41.239 --> 00:48:43.820
They're from fucking Maine. There, Reagan with

00:48:43.820 --> 00:48:45.599
a cowboy hat. Yeah, he's handsome. Yeah, he rocks.

00:48:45.840 --> 00:48:48.500
Ooh, Trump dog. Uh -oh. Trump with a fucking

00:48:48.500 --> 00:48:52.260
cowboy hat. No neck. Hey. Clinton had a cowboy

00:48:52.260 --> 00:48:55.239
hat. They all rock it. That finger stinks. Hey.

00:48:55.820 --> 00:48:57.480
It's just for all their tourists or whatever.

00:48:57.659 --> 00:48:59.780
Yeah. Every time they came to Texas. Dressed

00:48:59.780 --> 00:49:03.980
like Tony. I look like you. Reagan. It's funny.

00:49:03.980 --> 00:49:06.480
He's old there. I don't know anything, but I've

00:49:06.480 --> 00:49:08.480
been watching. Dude, on the plane I was watching

00:49:08.480 --> 00:49:09.840
the fucking, I've been watching the Ken Burns

00:49:09.840 --> 00:49:12.760
Vietnam. Heavy stuff. God damn, dude. I cried

00:49:12.760 --> 00:49:15.300
on the plane like a fucking idiot. Oh, is that

00:49:15.300 --> 00:49:17.440
why you cried? Watching a PBS doc. You're out

00:49:17.440 --> 00:49:20.519
of meatballs. Mark, if you're going to say nasty

00:49:20.519 --> 00:49:24.900
stuff. I'm sorry. That was a nice ride, though.

00:49:24.960 --> 00:49:27.869
I can remember when the Vietnam War ended. Really?

00:49:27.869 --> 00:49:29.449
Yeah, I was a little kid. I was living in San

00:49:29.449 --> 00:49:31.130
Francisco, and I remember thinking, thank God

00:49:31.130 --> 00:49:33.289
we're never going to do war again. Thank God

00:49:33.289 --> 00:49:35.670
it's over while I'm a child. I remember thinking

00:49:35.670 --> 00:49:39.030
that. Boy, glad they figured this out. That was

00:49:39.030 --> 00:49:42.130
long. Nine years? Dude, from day one, they were

00:49:42.130 --> 00:49:44.289
like, we're not going to win. Yeah. From day

00:49:44.289 --> 00:49:47.170
one. McNamara's in there with LBJ like, this

00:49:47.170 --> 00:49:50.010
is never going to work. Yeah. And they just kept

00:49:50.010 --> 00:49:52.630
doing it. A lot of heroin out there. Oh, my God.

00:49:53.349 --> 00:49:56.690
I mean, it had to be a part of what was going

00:49:56.690 --> 00:49:59.889
on. I was drinking on the plane, and while watching

00:49:59.889 --> 00:50:02.630
this, I drunk texted my uncle who got wounded

00:50:02.630 --> 00:50:04.369
in Vietnam. I was like, where'd you get hurt?

00:50:06.090 --> 00:50:09.469
It's like a crazy text to send. And then he explained

00:50:09.469 --> 00:50:12.590
how he got hurt, and it was like, whoa. How did

00:50:12.590 --> 00:50:16.989
he get hurt? He was a forward observer for his

00:50:16.989 --> 00:50:20.949
group. It was the Battle of, fuck, I'll find

00:50:20.949 --> 00:50:24.380
it. It was 200 U .S. soldiers surrounded by about

00:50:24.380 --> 00:50:30.280
3 ,000 Viet Cong, or RVN. And then he was the

00:50:30.280 --> 00:50:32.079
forward observer that was calling in coordinates.

00:50:32.420 --> 00:50:35.519
So they were all trying to get him. They got

00:50:35.519 --> 00:50:38.440
him. They hit him with an RPG eventually. But

00:50:38.440 --> 00:50:40.940
he was the one up front calling in the gunships,

00:50:40.940 --> 00:50:45.500
calling in the artillery. Where to go? Oh, yeah.

00:50:46.019 --> 00:50:49.880
Wow, like a spotter and crew. There he is. I'm

00:50:49.880 --> 00:50:52.480
just asking. That's a gillis. Drang Valley incident.

00:50:53.440 --> 00:50:57.400
1965. Google gillis Vietnam. No, his last name

00:50:57.400 --> 00:51:01.159
is not gillis. Ah. What's crazy is the Vietnamese

00:51:01.159 --> 00:51:03.179
don't even hate Americans. No, they hate the

00:51:03.179 --> 00:51:05.159
Chinese way more. That shit's all past them.

00:51:05.239 --> 00:51:07.960
Who doesn't? They call it the American War. It

00:51:07.960 --> 00:51:12.539
was the Battle of Hill 102, a .k .a. the Battle

00:51:12.539 --> 00:51:17.820
of Khe Sanh Valley. 65 Americans killed, 200

00:51:17.820 --> 00:51:21.070
Americans surrounded by 2 ,000. But then I was

00:51:21.070 --> 00:51:23.650
a little buzzed. I'm asking him fucked -up questions.

00:51:24.090 --> 00:51:27.210
What's it like? What's it like? A broadest question.

00:51:27.590 --> 00:51:29.389
He said, what happens is you enter a zone where

00:51:29.389 --> 00:51:31.289
you just shut down your emotions and focus on

00:51:31.289 --> 00:51:32.969
what you need to do to survive and protect your

00:51:32.969 --> 00:51:35.150
men. No time to process feelings. There's enormous

00:51:35.150 --> 00:51:37.170
chaos, but you are acutely aware of everything.

00:51:37.289 --> 00:51:40.170
At least that was my experience. Wow. This is

00:51:40.170 --> 00:51:42.369
a wild response. That's a great response. He

00:51:42.369 --> 00:51:44.449
said, at one point, there were waves of MVA running

00:51:44.449 --> 00:51:46.690
towards us, but my sole focus was to stop them

00:51:46.690 --> 00:51:48.670
from getting too close with a gunship known as

00:51:48.670 --> 00:51:52.360
Spooky. I mowed them down as they advanced. Without

00:51:52.360 --> 00:51:54.400
the relentless stream of fire from Spooky, we

00:51:54.400 --> 00:51:56.360
would have been overrun. Thank God for Spooky.

00:51:56.440 --> 00:51:59.420
Gunship. Damn. Gunship sank fire to this area.

00:51:59.639 --> 00:52:01.659
I was talking to him. He said, I was the forward

00:52:01.659 --> 00:52:04.280
observer, so my job was to keep artillery jet

00:52:04.280 --> 00:52:06.420
strikes and gunship fire raining down on the

00:52:06.420 --> 00:52:08.059
enemy. Does he want you reading this on air?

00:52:08.239 --> 00:52:09.679
It'll be all right. That's why they were trying

00:52:09.679 --> 00:52:11.820
to get through me and take me out, which they

00:52:11.820 --> 00:52:13.380
eventually did, but I took a lot of them out

00:52:13.380 --> 00:52:17.059
first. I was drinking, watching the documentary

00:52:17.059 --> 00:52:20.090
on my phone. Damn. Smoking a joint with that

00:52:20.090 --> 00:52:24.030
guy on a porch? He'll tell you. My other uncle

00:52:24.030 --> 00:52:26.329
was in Vietnam and was like... It's the gunship.

00:52:27.030 --> 00:52:31.489
Spooky. My other uncle was in Vietnam and he

00:52:31.489 --> 00:52:34.809
never talks about it. That guy, if you ask me,

00:52:34.849 --> 00:52:37.909
he's... They downed Spooky. Look at that. Ouch.

00:52:38.750 --> 00:52:42.110
1968, February 15th. Nine killed in downing of

00:52:42.110 --> 00:52:48.369
Spooky gunship. To the Spook. Cheers. Aye, aye,

00:52:48.429 --> 00:52:50.429
aye. Well, at least he's still with us. What

00:52:50.429 --> 00:52:52.789
a fucked up war that was. I think Segura's dad

00:52:52.789 --> 00:52:55.409
was a nom. Was he? What a terrible fucking dumb

00:52:55.409 --> 00:52:58.510
war. Silly, waste of time. Not only a dumb war,

00:52:58.570 --> 00:53:01.710
but a dumb war that came about because of a false

00:53:01.710 --> 00:53:05.869
flag. Tonkin? Yeah, Gulf of Tonkin. They lied

00:53:05.869 --> 00:53:10.010
about an incident to try to get us into the war.

00:53:10.440 --> 00:53:13.559
Yeah. It's fucking great. That's like what we

00:53:13.559 --> 00:53:15.159
were talking about before with false flags. They

00:53:15.159 --> 00:53:17.320
really happen. They did. They used to do them

00:53:17.320 --> 00:53:19.260
all the time. What'd you say? You said they wouldn't

00:53:19.260 --> 00:53:21.679
do them here? That's what they did. Yeah, they

00:53:21.679 --> 00:53:24.820
100 % would. Lesser known fact to Jim Morrison's

00:53:24.820 --> 00:53:28.079
father, Captain George Stephan Morrison commanded

00:53:28.079 --> 00:53:31.340
the carrier division during the Gulf of Tonkin

00:53:31.340 --> 00:53:34.719
incident. CIA. The Gulf of Tonkin incident famously

00:53:34.719 --> 00:53:37.059
gave the Johnson administration the justification

00:53:37.059 --> 00:53:40.320
they needed to escalate the Vietnam War. JRR

00:53:40.320 --> 00:53:43.500
talking. Wow, it's his dad. Imagine that, and

00:53:43.500 --> 00:53:45.360
your dad becomes break -on through to the other

00:53:45.360 --> 00:53:47.659
side. I know, that's why he went so counterculture.

00:53:47.659 --> 00:53:49.500
Your son, rather, becomes that. Yeah, he's making

00:53:49.500 --> 00:53:51.320
the music they're playing in the fucking helicopters.

00:53:51.760 --> 00:53:55.079
Wow. Dang, dang. Great music. Great, too. The

00:53:55.079 --> 00:53:57.679
60s was the best music. Yeah, they got the music.

00:53:57.679 --> 00:53:58.699
They had a lot of shit to deal with. That was

00:53:58.699 --> 00:54:00.099
the first time I grew up, yeah. A lot of shit

00:54:00.099 --> 00:54:03.639
to deal with and a lot of drugs. Sure. The drop

00:54:03.639 --> 00:54:07.059
-off is so stark, the difference between music.

00:54:07.469 --> 00:54:11.590
And automobile design. Yes. Once they make drugs

00:54:11.590 --> 00:54:14.510
illegal, American automobile design turned to

00:54:14.510 --> 00:54:17.269
dog shit. Oh, yeah. Straight dog shit. By about

00:54:17.269 --> 00:54:20.309
73, it went down. No, it was before then. It

00:54:20.309 --> 00:54:23.690
was literally like the 71 model years, the last

00:54:23.690 --> 00:54:27.630
good year for muscle cars. And only for Barracudas

00:54:27.630 --> 00:54:30.230
and Challengers. Barracuda. By the time they

00:54:30.230 --> 00:54:32.489
got to Camaro 71, they were already fucked. Mustang

00:54:32.489 --> 00:54:34.170
became, in the 80s, became a dumb hatchback.

00:54:34.190 --> 00:54:36.230
Terrible piece of shit car. It wasn't at all

00:54:36.230 --> 00:54:39.139
muscly. Yeah, but... Back in the 60s, they were

00:54:39.139 --> 00:54:41.239
the most magnificent cars of all time. Those

00:54:41.239 --> 00:54:43.679
guys nailed it. 67 and a half Mustang. They nailed

00:54:43.679 --> 00:54:47.760
it. 69. But then once the Schedule I Drug Act

00:54:47.760 --> 00:54:50.000
happened in 1970, so you've got to realize in

00:54:50.000 --> 00:54:52.559
1970, they're already making the 1971 model.

00:54:52.840 --> 00:54:55.119
Right. So you've got the 1971, which is like

00:54:55.119 --> 00:54:57.159
the last good year. Everything else is dog shit.

00:54:57.239 --> 00:54:58.659
But how do you explain Europe? Because Europe

00:54:58.659 --> 00:55:01.539
cars look great in the 60s and suck in the 70s.

00:55:01.539 --> 00:55:03.699
Yeah. And they didn't have a Vietnam. Well, some

00:55:03.699 --> 00:55:07.619
of the best Porsches were like 73, 74. amazing

00:55:07.619 --> 00:55:10.380
Porsches. That's true. Then that little 911 that

00:55:10.380 --> 00:55:11.880
they made back then was so light. Is that what

00:55:11.880 --> 00:55:14.059
you got? 911? 2002. I got a Beamer. He's got

00:55:14.059 --> 00:55:16.619
that beautiful little Beamer. That's 2002. Pull

00:55:16.619 --> 00:55:18.820
it up. Oh, my God. It's a great little car. That's

00:55:18.820 --> 00:55:22.679
a 73, but that's the car that saved Beamer. That's

00:55:22.679 --> 00:55:24.780
such a zippy little car. Oh, it's a go -kart.

00:55:24.840 --> 00:55:27.340
It's a little box. Oh, my God. Yeah, you're scooting

00:55:27.340 --> 00:55:29.980
around, and it's almost like a smart car. It's

00:55:29.980 --> 00:55:33.119
so small. Yeah, four -cylinder engine. It's so

00:55:33.119 --> 00:55:37.159
light. Yeah, that's a great old car, man. Someone

00:55:37.159 --> 00:55:41.420
was going to do those cars and put modern M2

00:55:41.420 --> 00:55:43.500
engines in them. I know we've looked at this.

00:55:43.699 --> 00:55:45.619
I think we have. I think every episode. Look

00:55:45.619 --> 00:55:47.659
at it. It's a fucking beautiful car. And then

00:55:47.659 --> 00:55:50.079
I go, I have a Chevy Cruze, and then you go,

00:55:50.260 --> 00:55:52.519
let's get you a cool car. You need a cool car.

00:55:52.519 --> 00:55:54.400
And then I go, Chevy Cruze is cool. Oh, you're

00:55:54.400 --> 00:55:56.820
right. Yeah, but it's not real. And what about

00:55:56.820 --> 00:56:01.670
R. Kelly? We bring up R. Kelly. We are redundant

00:56:01.670 --> 00:56:03.690
as fuck. We'll bring up Kanye and cut it out.

00:56:03.949 --> 00:56:05.489
Kanye, no, this time we don't have to cut it

00:56:05.489 --> 00:56:07.750
out. He's back. Yay, rules. He's back. We're

00:56:07.750 --> 00:56:09.590
with Adidas. He's back again? And we got a Jew

00:56:09.590 --> 00:56:11.789
here. He was fine for like two weeks. People

00:56:11.789 --> 00:56:13.050
were like, oh, let's move on. Can I get that

00:56:13.050 --> 00:56:15.849
lighter? That's true. But he's still removed

00:56:15.849 --> 00:56:17.750
from all social media, isn't he? He'll be back.

00:56:17.789 --> 00:56:21.909
He'll be back. Really? Yeah. His company's like,

00:56:21.989 --> 00:56:23.630
hey, dude, just chill out for a minute. He seems

00:56:23.630 --> 00:56:25.289
like a tough hang. You had him on here. Was he

00:56:25.289 --> 00:56:29.329
kind of a nightmare? You know, he's a mentally

00:56:29.329 --> 00:56:33.050
ill genius. Sure. He can spew out, he can rant

00:56:33.050 --> 00:56:35.250
for hours. It's like having a conversation with

00:56:35.250 --> 00:56:37.389
him, like dial him into a conversation. It's

00:56:37.389 --> 00:56:40.269
like a volley, a back and forth volley is kind

00:56:40.269 --> 00:56:43.070
of difficult. Yeah. He just wants to rant. It

00:56:43.070 --> 00:56:44.369
doesn't sound like he would just be like, how's

00:56:44.369 --> 00:56:47.230
the barbecue here? Right. None of that. Say,

00:56:47.349 --> 00:56:51.219
I'm Walt Disney. Oh, interesting. I'm Ford. I'm

00:56:51.219 --> 00:56:54.539
Steve Jobs. Exactly. All right. H2 the Izzo was

00:56:54.539 --> 00:56:59.739
pretty good. That was pretty awesome. Yeah. All

00:56:59.739 --> 00:57:02.650
day. Cold Digger? Yeah. Look, he's got amazing

00:57:02.650 --> 00:57:04.889
songs. Black Skinhead is one of the greatest

00:57:04.889 --> 00:57:07.030
fucking opening beats of any song ever. Yeah.

00:57:07.070 --> 00:57:10.889
That power that allowed him to create that kind

00:57:10.889 --> 00:57:14.210
of music is also what fucks him up with rants.

00:57:14.289 --> 00:57:17.010
Yeah. He winds up saying some things that are

00:57:17.010 --> 00:57:19.070
not really that thought out. You got that right.

00:57:19.909 --> 00:57:22.570
What's that like? I think he's funny. The way

00:57:22.570 --> 00:57:27.059
he dances around it. Do you think the Adidas

00:57:27.059 --> 00:57:28.800
thing is the wildest shit ever? He'll be back.

00:57:28.820 --> 00:57:30.260
Everybody cut ties with him. You think they'll

00:57:30.260 --> 00:57:32.420
be back with him? Jamie, isn't that going on?

00:57:32.480 --> 00:57:34.699
I heard they're already back. Kanye and Adidas

00:57:34.699 --> 00:57:38.659
are back on. According to the internet. He's

00:57:38.659 --> 00:57:41.480
quoting. He can't say that. It's crazy. It's

00:57:41.480 --> 00:57:43.579
been rumors online. Kanye and Adidas partnership

00:57:43.579 --> 00:57:46.139
could be back on. It hurts his flat, according

00:57:46.139 --> 00:57:48.820
to the internet. Yeah. Less than two weeks ago,

00:57:48.860 --> 00:57:50.800
it was revealed that German sportswear label

00:57:50.800 --> 00:57:53.860
could lose up to $1 billion in revenue as a result

00:57:53.860 --> 00:57:55.840
of the split. According to the industry analysts

00:57:55.840 --> 00:57:59.119
gauging leftover stock, rumors are now suggesting

00:57:59.119 --> 00:58:02.079
that it all is not lost between the pair. These

00:58:02.079 --> 00:58:04.900
rumblings are coming from ardent Yeezy fans wishing

00:58:04.900 --> 00:58:08.489
for their fans. to reunite, not from ye or Adidas

00:58:08.489 --> 00:58:11.730
themselves. Oh, fuck that. That's not real. Also,

00:58:11.809 --> 00:58:14.349
it's got to feel good for the Jewish community

00:58:14.349 --> 00:58:17.730
to be like, these Germans are losing a fucking

00:58:17.730 --> 00:58:19.829
billion dollars. That's right. We went up the

00:58:19.829 --> 00:58:21.610
wrong source. We got you in the end. That's what's

00:58:21.610 --> 00:58:24.809
crazy. He was out alive, but you guys were started

00:58:24.809 --> 00:58:29.269
by Nazis, literally. I lost a job over some racist

00:58:29.269 --> 00:58:31.159
tweet a long time ago about IBM. They were like,

00:58:31.179 --> 00:58:32.760
you can't do an IBM commercial. And I'm like,

00:58:32.820 --> 00:58:37.119
you made processing to let the Jews get processed

00:58:37.119 --> 00:58:39.019
faster. But that's why. They can't have any more.

00:58:39.460 --> 00:58:43.179
That was the last straw. Enough, they said. What

00:58:43.179 --> 00:58:47.800
was the tweet? Here we go. I bet it wasn't funny.

00:58:49.860 --> 00:58:54.800
Let's nip it. It wouldn't hold up. I bet IBM

00:58:54.800 --> 00:59:03.150
was right. What is that? You spazzing, throwing

00:59:03.150 --> 00:59:05.329
shit. What do you got, whippets? Yeah. Oh, you

00:59:05.329 --> 00:59:07.010
sick fuck. No, you have whippets? What are you

00:59:07.010 --> 00:59:08.750
talking about? Did you really bring whippets?

00:59:08.750 --> 00:59:10.650
Just some whippets, bro. This sick son of a bitch.

00:59:10.650 --> 00:59:12.570
Dude, those give you brain damage. Hand it over.

00:59:13.010 --> 00:59:15.610
You don't need that in your life. I'm not throwing

00:59:15.610 --> 00:59:17.300
a whippet. It's been a minute. You're going to

00:59:17.300 --> 00:59:20.260
do whippets? What are you, 12? I used to do whippets

00:59:20.260 --> 00:59:22.539
when I worked at Newport Creamery, when I worked

00:59:22.539 --> 00:59:24.599
at an ice cream store. I'm not doing a whippet.

00:59:24.599 --> 00:59:27.559
Yeah, we did that. I didn't like it. Oh, it's

00:59:27.559 --> 00:59:29.179
the best. It just gives you a headache. It's

00:59:29.179 --> 00:59:30.420
not really great radio. What a fun surprise,

00:59:30.599 --> 00:59:33.019
though. I came out of a whippet and I heard somebody

00:59:33.019 --> 00:59:36.099
go, one for 10, three for 20. You have a machine?

00:59:36.199 --> 00:59:38.179
Look, you have little gauges and shit. Where

00:59:38.179 --> 00:59:40.000
do you buy this? Any head shop. What's wrong

00:59:40.000 --> 00:59:43.380
with you? Whip explodes. What if it explodes?

00:59:43.500 --> 00:59:46.400
It's compressed gas. What if that explodes and

00:59:46.400 --> 00:59:48.219
you lose your fingers? Oh, you're going to do

00:59:48.219 --> 00:59:49.360
it out of a balloon? I'm so excited you're doing

00:59:49.360 --> 00:59:51.559
a Whippet, dude. Why are you excited about this?

00:59:51.599 --> 00:59:54.639
I'm happy he's doing it. Why don't you just suck

00:59:54.639 --> 00:59:55.960
on it? Why do you have to use the balloon? Roland

00:59:55.960 --> 00:59:57.800
came by and he saw us on the stoop right by the

00:59:57.800 --> 00:59:59.989
cell. He goes... Like the older comics. Are you

00:59:59.989 --> 01:00:04.489
guys doing whippets on a stoop? Tell me what

01:00:04.489 --> 01:00:06.469
the whippets do. It just makes everything giggly

01:00:06.469 --> 01:00:08.150
for a minute. But doesn't it give you brain damage?

01:00:08.409 --> 01:00:11.489
For like 30 seconds. Google does whippets give

01:00:11.489 --> 01:00:12.690
you brain damage. No, don't do that while you're

01:00:12.690 --> 01:00:14.250
doing drugs. No, no, definitely do it. Do it

01:00:14.250 --> 01:00:15.590
after he does it. I need to know because I'm

01:00:15.590 --> 01:00:17.949
considering doing it. Oh, you should definitely

01:00:17.949 --> 01:00:19.349
do a whippet. You gotta do a whippet. Well, I

01:00:19.349 --> 01:00:21.849
need to know if it gives you brain damage. Whoa!

01:00:22.690 --> 01:00:25.889
Easy, big fella. Don't do a whippet. No, you

01:00:25.889 --> 01:00:27.889
need to know. Take the edge off. That's what

01:00:27.889 --> 01:00:29.750
I'm saying, right? Yeah, this is a coal plunge

01:00:29.750 --> 01:00:31.429
in one hand. I take it back. I take it back.

01:00:31.530 --> 01:00:34.550
Please do a whippet, dude. Let's go. Yeah. Let's

01:00:34.550 --> 01:00:37.309
go. Is this legal? No. You're going to miss head

01:00:37.309 --> 01:00:39.389
shots. No. No? You're going to forget how to

01:00:39.389 --> 01:00:41.530
play pool. Okay, do whippets kill brain cells?

01:00:41.929 --> 01:00:43.489
Researchers have made clear that whippets can

01:00:43.489 --> 01:00:45.809
deprive the heart and brain of much -needed oxygen.

01:00:46.449 --> 01:00:49.329
Fuck it. Oh, all right. Temporarily. What if

01:00:49.329 --> 01:00:53.789
you're into choke sex? Ah, exactly. Whoa, he

01:00:53.789 --> 01:00:55.309
did it. The whole thing? He's going to faint.

01:00:56.500 --> 01:01:03.179
What's it doing to you? Wouldn't it be great

01:01:03.179 --> 01:01:05.820
if he was hilarious? Like it turned him funny?

01:01:06.139 --> 01:01:10.739
What is it doing to you? This is going to be

01:01:10.739 --> 01:01:12.619
a Guinness record for the oldest Jew to do a

01:01:12.619 --> 01:01:19.159
whippet. Absolutely. Can you describe it? Can

01:01:19.159 --> 01:01:22.800
you describe it? Whoa, he's gone. Look how hard

01:01:22.800 --> 01:01:25.159
he's laughing. Oh, this is going to help your

01:01:25.159 --> 01:01:28.880
IBM sales. IBM was right, dude. Here it'll bow.

01:01:29.769 --> 01:01:34.289
Memory loss, vitamin B depletion, long -term

01:01:34.289 --> 01:01:37.369
depletion causes brain and nerve damage. Oh,

01:01:37.369 --> 01:01:41.989
wow. He's fucked up. Fuck it, dude. It can be

01:01:41.989 --> 01:01:44.989
both illegal and dangerous. Using nitrous can

01:01:44.989 --> 01:01:47.710
have serious health consequences, including seizures,

01:01:48.110 --> 01:01:50.949
permanent nerve damage. Have a seizure. Have

01:01:50.949 --> 01:01:53.969
a seizure. Permanent nerve damage and even death.

01:01:54.130 --> 01:01:59.630
Seizure salad. We did that one before. How was

01:01:59.630 --> 01:02:02.530
it? We did the exact one. Julius Caesar. All

01:02:02.530 --> 01:02:04.969
right, I'm back. So what did it do for you? Stop

01:02:04.969 --> 01:02:09.090
repeating buzz. You're still going? No, it's

01:02:09.090 --> 01:02:10.710
just so stupid. Is it over? Yeah, it's over.

01:02:10.730 --> 01:02:12.269
I don't want you to have a Hamlin. Oh, my God.

01:02:12.349 --> 01:02:14.210
So what happened? The Hamlin. You just start

01:02:14.210 --> 01:02:16.690
going. Jamie's done him. He's done him. He's

01:02:16.690 --> 01:02:20.590
fine. It's just like. You were on a planet for

01:02:20.590 --> 01:02:22.650
about 30 seconds. What did it do? Try to explain

01:02:22.650 --> 01:02:25.349
what it did. It just makes everything warbly.

01:02:26.799 --> 01:02:29.000
Okay. And then it just like, I don't know, you

01:02:29.000 --> 01:02:30.840
just start laughing. Are you back a hundo? I'm

01:02:30.840 --> 01:02:33.239
back a hundo. All right. Good to have you back.

01:02:33.320 --> 01:02:37.039
So you feel dumber or what? No, I feel fine.

01:02:37.420 --> 01:02:39.159
You don't feel like it gave you any brain damage?

01:02:39.460 --> 01:02:40.380
I was always pretty dumb. You do like 30 whippets.

01:02:40.380 --> 01:02:42.559
You're going to do another one? Yeah. It's all

01:02:42.559 --> 01:02:44.260
bucked. It's like in a sleeve of Oreos. This

01:02:44.260 --> 01:02:45.820
is highly illegal, I think. It's not illegal

01:02:45.820 --> 01:02:47.760
at all. You can buy it at any head shop. I think

01:02:47.760 --> 01:02:50.559
it's illegal. Whomp, whomp, whomp. Whippet wave

01:02:50.559 --> 01:02:54.840
washes campus. Whomp, whomp. That's true. That's

01:02:54.840 --> 01:02:56.679
going to fuck someone up. Whomp, whomp, whomp.

01:02:57.719 --> 01:03:00.780
Oh, my God. They call them whomps. Look at that.

01:03:01.260 --> 01:03:03.630
Whomps. That's why I know. Okay, for years, nitrous

01:03:03.630 --> 01:03:05.809
oxide has been used for quick highs, also known

01:03:05.809 --> 01:03:08.730
as laughing gas, whippets, or whomps among students.

01:03:09.090 --> 01:03:10.530
Tulane. That's New Orleans. The use and abuse

01:03:10.530 --> 01:03:13.929
of the inhalant is growing. Oh, shit. They're

01:03:13.929 --> 01:03:18.929
hot right now. How illegal is it? We'll be all

01:03:18.929 --> 01:03:20.769
right. He bought them. We'll be all right. Just

01:03:20.769 --> 01:03:22.429
blurt it out. I'm not doing that shit. Hold on

01:03:22.429 --> 01:03:24.179
to it, though. You can at least hold on to it.

01:03:24.280 --> 01:03:25.699
No, I know what you're doing. You're going to

01:03:25.699 --> 01:03:26.800
make me hold it, and then you're going to call

01:03:26.800 --> 01:03:28.219
me gay, and I'm going to do it. You are gay.

01:03:29.980 --> 01:03:32.079
I'm not going to do it. You know the pattern.

01:03:32.440 --> 01:03:33.880
I'm going to stand my ground on this. No, you've

01:03:33.880 --> 01:03:35.239
got to try. You can't be that gay. What about

01:03:35.239 --> 01:03:36.940
like a halfie? Can I do a halfie? You've got

01:03:36.940 --> 01:03:38.340
to do the whole thing. It's not that big. It's

01:03:38.340 --> 01:03:40.019
not that big a deal. It's not that big a deal,

01:03:40.059 --> 01:03:43.139
it says. All right. I say I want to have a seizure

01:03:43.139 --> 01:03:46.739
on the fucking Joe Rogan. If we lost Norman because

01:03:46.739 --> 01:03:50.679
of this. A major enabler of Whippet uses accessibility.

01:03:50.920 --> 01:03:53.179
The minimum age requirement to purchase a Whip

01:03:53.179 --> 01:03:56.360
cream charger is either 18 or 21, depending on

01:03:56.360 --> 01:03:58.579
the state. In New Orleans. In New Orleans, Whippets

01:03:58.579 --> 01:04:00.800
are widely available in areas where students

01:04:00.800 --> 01:04:02.739
frequent. My friends did them when we were growing

01:04:02.739 --> 01:04:06.099
up. What do I do? I just inhale? Hold on, I'll

01:04:06.099 --> 01:04:07.480
do it with you. It's hard. You gotta do the whole

01:04:07.480 --> 01:04:10.519
thing? It says long -term use can lead to vitamin

01:04:10.519 --> 01:04:13.900
B12 deficiency, which also leads to neuropathies,

01:04:13.940 --> 01:04:18.440
numbness, trouble walking, irritability, fatigue.

01:04:18.719 --> 01:04:20.000
Yeah, but that's like if you're doing it every

01:04:20.000 --> 01:04:23.079
day. You'll be totally fine. But your dad's a

01:04:23.079 --> 01:04:24.840
rabbi. He didn't want to see you doing this shit.

01:04:25.000 --> 01:04:28.059
It's very cold on the hands. This guy was in

01:04:28.059 --> 01:04:30.340
Hebrew school. Are you doing it? I guess. Wait,

01:04:30.340 --> 01:04:32.019
hold on. I'll come with you. I don't think it's

01:04:32.019 --> 01:04:34.579
legal. It's totally legal. Jamie, is it legal?

01:04:35.699 --> 01:04:37.960
It's a lot of air. You got it. I'm not a lawyer.

01:04:38.619 --> 01:04:42.360
Spy balloon. Maybe we just, like, shit and put

01:04:42.360 --> 01:04:44.139
a video on them while they're doing it. I'm not.

01:04:44.300 --> 01:04:47.300
So we can deny. Deny, deny, deny. They're just

01:04:47.300 --> 01:04:50.380
breathing in the helium. Make a theater. March

01:04:50.380 --> 01:05:03.190
24th, New York City. Norman, how is it? Norm,

01:05:03.250 --> 01:05:06.570
isn't it good? Is it good? It's just blurry and

01:05:06.570 --> 01:05:10.510
scary. Scary? This is bad. This is bad? This

01:05:10.510 --> 01:05:14.550
is bad. I went to a dark place. You guys are

01:05:14.550 --> 01:05:16.150
afraid of the gravity bomb. Are you doing fucking

01:05:16.150 --> 01:05:18.170
whippets? I'm not doing fucking either, bro.

01:05:18.449 --> 01:05:22.050
Don't do it. It's bad. It's crazy. These suck.

01:05:22.650 --> 01:05:25.369
Yeah. Let's do Coke next time. Yeah. That's way

01:05:25.369 --> 01:05:29.909
better. Next time. We got it here. I would not

01:05:29.909 --> 01:05:33.869
do it. I don't do that stuff. Anyway, my uncle

01:05:33.869 --> 01:05:36.690
was surrounded by fucking Charlie. And Harold.

01:05:36.769 --> 01:05:39.369
That's crazy. What was his, did you ever talk

01:05:39.369 --> 01:05:41.130
to him about his transition period from coming

01:05:41.130 --> 01:05:43.349
back? He transitioned? No, no, no. He had a tough

01:05:43.349 --> 01:05:45.150
time. Yeah, that must have been hard. He came

01:05:45.150 --> 01:05:49.849
back. Yeah. I was just joking. It's funny to

01:05:49.849 --> 01:05:53.300
talk about a serious subject. I think we had

01:05:53.300 --> 01:05:56.940
enough. I'm not done. You just gave me this.

01:05:57.199 --> 01:06:00.599
I can't remember yesterday. So you didn't like

01:06:00.599 --> 01:06:04.019
it? I don't like it. I just got real blurry and

01:06:04.019 --> 01:06:08.219
my brain went away for like two seconds. Interesting.

01:06:08.719 --> 01:06:12.920
Not a fan. I didn't laugh. Oh, man. You didn't

01:06:12.920 --> 01:06:15.000
get enough in. You got brain damage, bro. I was

01:06:15.000 --> 01:06:16.420
doing it with Sal. Sal breathed a little bit

01:06:16.420 --> 01:06:18.199
in, and he's like, it's not working. My voice

01:06:18.199 --> 01:06:20.019
is exactly the same. You're going to have to

01:06:20.019 --> 01:06:25.500
find the turn. Helium. Good comedy club. Hey,

01:06:25.659 --> 01:06:28.840
hey. He's going to tie it up for later. There

01:06:28.840 --> 01:06:30.980
you go. Put that in your ass. Good luck untying

01:06:30.980 --> 01:06:32.719
that. You ever untie a balloon? It's almost impossible.

01:06:33.019 --> 01:06:34.820
You're going to do it halfway. Yeah, the old

01:06:34.820 --> 01:06:39.260
balloon knot. Whoever came up with balloon knot

01:06:39.260 --> 01:06:41.940
nailed it. You tried to show me your butt this

01:06:41.940 --> 01:06:44.280
morning, dude. I did try to show you my butt.

01:06:44.380 --> 01:06:46.440
I knocked on his door. He was fucking assing

01:06:46.440 --> 01:06:49.280
me. That old Jewish dick was out there. You got

01:06:49.280 --> 01:06:52.940
a nice dick. Big old. Big dick. That thing looked

01:06:52.940 --> 01:06:54.860
like my boner. That thing, that was hurtful.

01:06:55.099 --> 01:06:57.199
He's got big balls, too. Yeah, he's got a giant

01:06:57.199 --> 01:07:01.099
saggy dick and nuts. They sag so hard. And then

01:07:01.099 --> 01:07:02.780
he was like, wait, wait, I want to show you.

01:07:02.860 --> 01:07:04.699
He was trying to show me his asshole. I was like,

01:07:04.800 --> 01:07:08.480
dude, fuck no. He didn't wait at all. Yeah, you've

01:07:08.480 --> 01:07:10.360
got a big old... Don't you have like a disastrous

01:07:10.360 --> 01:07:13.059
asshole? It's the worst. You have like an East

01:07:13.059 --> 01:07:17.059
Palestine asshole. It's the worst one. Get Pete

01:07:17.059 --> 01:07:20.539
Buttigieg to look at it. Maybe Judge will get

01:07:20.539 --> 01:07:22.719
in there. He'll get in there. The jeweler's loop.

01:07:22.739 --> 01:07:24.219
Let me check it out. Let me change some laws.

01:07:24.760 --> 01:07:26.539
Red Band made a video of it back in the day.

01:07:26.800 --> 01:07:29.760
I remember that video. I saw that video. It looked

01:07:29.760 --> 01:07:31.519
like Homer Simpson's mouth. It looked like a

01:07:31.519 --> 01:07:34.039
pussy. That's what it looks like. Homer Simpson's

01:07:34.039 --> 01:07:37.500
mouth. It looks like a cheeseburger. Is that

01:07:37.500 --> 01:07:41.099
what it always looks like? Sometimes. I had hemorrhoids

01:07:41.099 --> 01:07:43.219
then. The best was early Legion of Skanks in

01:07:43.219 --> 01:07:44.579
the back door of the creek. I remember that.

01:07:44.760 --> 01:07:47.360
And they were like, my asshole's terrible. And

01:07:47.360 --> 01:07:48.820
then after, they're like, oh, let's look at Lewis'

01:07:48.920 --> 01:07:50.909
ass. I'm like, why are you being quiet? I'm like,

01:07:50.989 --> 01:07:53.710
because mine will be the worst one. Yeah. So

01:07:53.710 --> 01:07:55.269
it looks like you guys get out of the way. Yeah.

01:07:55.590 --> 01:07:58.090
Did you show it? Yeah. They were disgusted. We

01:07:58.090 --> 01:08:00.090
had to look at each other's assholes. No pushbacks

01:08:00.090 --> 01:08:04.409
was the rule. Early skunks. Early skunks. Yeah,

01:08:05.090 --> 01:08:08.090
it's a hemorrhoid. Why can't you push back? Get

01:08:08.090 --> 01:08:11.750
out of there. You're forward observers. You're

01:08:11.750 --> 01:08:13.690
like my uncle. You know what's weird when the

01:08:13.690 --> 01:08:19.739
asshole winks? When you flex it, it winks. I

01:08:19.739 --> 01:08:21.199
think we're all doing it right now. Yeah, I'm

01:08:21.199 --> 01:08:22.939
doing it. I think every one of us is doing it.

01:08:23.859 --> 01:08:28.020
Pretty fun. Philadelphia Kegels. Hey. So what

01:08:28.020 --> 01:08:30.680
did your uncle do to, like, what was it like

01:08:30.680 --> 01:08:34.319
when he came back? I think he came back and he

01:08:34.319 --> 01:08:38.119
had a very stressful job. What did he do? Fuck

01:08:38.119 --> 01:08:40.840
it. It's pretty, once I tell you what he did,

01:08:40.899 --> 01:08:44.039
it's specific. He was like a fucking Forrest

01:08:44.039 --> 01:08:46.329
Gump, dude. Three Mile Island. He was at the

01:08:46.329 --> 01:08:48.390
World Trade Center. He was in Vietnam. Jesus

01:08:48.390 --> 01:08:51.329
Christ. He's retarded. What? He was everywhere?

01:08:51.550 --> 01:08:55.229
He's an incredible story. Connect the dots. Shrimp

01:08:55.229 --> 01:08:57.710
creole, shrimp fish. I think I was reading an

01:08:57.710 --> 01:09:00.029
article about it because he's pretty popular.

01:09:00.350 --> 01:09:04.170
And he was describing how his job was very stressful

01:09:04.170 --> 01:09:06.869
because he worked in Wall Street. And he thought

01:09:06.869 --> 01:09:09.949
he was blaming all his stress on Wall Street.

01:09:10.449 --> 01:09:12.890
And then it was like, clearly it was. You got

01:09:12.890 --> 01:09:15.130
hit with a fucking RPG and almost died. Yikes.

01:09:15.350 --> 01:09:17.289
And you mowed people down in Vietnam. And then

01:09:17.289 --> 01:09:19.289
he went back to Vietnam and saw it and was like,

01:09:19.350 --> 01:09:23.510
oh, this is all of my problems. Wow. So he went

01:09:23.510 --> 01:09:26.170
back? He went back. What? He went to exactly

01:09:26.170 --> 01:09:29.210
where he was. No way. Imagine getting out and

01:09:29.210 --> 01:09:31.470
going back. What a nightmare. I think he said

01:09:31.470 --> 01:09:34.890
he felt bad because he got wounded pretty severely.

01:09:34.989 --> 01:09:36.970
Like his calf got blown off. He's missing a nipple.

01:09:37.270 --> 01:09:42.200
He's what? He got drilled. He's Miss Pat? But

01:09:42.200 --> 01:09:45.180
he was like, I was too reckless, and now I'm

01:09:45.180 --> 01:09:47.439
not with my men. And he held that against himself.

01:09:47.739 --> 01:09:50.039
Was he a drug addict and whatnot? I don't know

01:09:50.039 --> 01:09:52.640
about drugs. I know alcohol, for sure. I was

01:09:52.640 --> 01:09:55.119
too reckless. He was like, I was too reckless.

01:09:55.579 --> 01:09:58.720
I fucked that up. Now I'm not with my men. So

01:09:58.720 --> 01:10:00.619
he was holding that against himself. And then

01:10:00.619 --> 01:10:02.920
he saw what happened and where he was. And he

01:10:02.920 --> 01:10:06.680
was like, oh, of course I got wounded. They were

01:10:06.680 --> 01:10:08.600
coming at me. People shooting at me. Yeah. They

01:10:08.600 --> 01:10:10.640
knew I was the guy calling in the airstrikes.

01:10:10.760 --> 01:10:13.340
Blew his calf off. Yeah, his legs. He's literally

01:10:13.340 --> 01:10:16.380
missing his fucking calf. Nipples off, yeah.

01:10:16.960 --> 01:10:22.640
Calf in half. Jesus! Calf in half? Jesus Christ!

01:10:22.840 --> 01:10:25.579
He can't help himself. Calfway house. He's a

01:10:25.579 --> 01:10:28.720
pun machine. Calfway house. Calfway house. Super

01:10:28.720 --> 01:10:32.039
Bowl calf time. The calf time show. We saw it.

01:10:32.140 --> 01:10:35.479
Yeah. We were there on shrooms. Rihanna. Ironically,

01:10:35.479 --> 01:10:38.270
that was the name of the guy who shot him. Brianna.

01:10:38.810 --> 01:10:42.890
I like it. I like it. I can do a little bit of

01:10:42.890 --> 01:10:46.189
you. Take it on. Yeah, I can try. Go nuts. Apparently,

01:10:46.189 --> 01:10:48.149
Vietnam is one of the most amazing places to

01:10:48.149 --> 01:10:51.470
visit. I loved it. Yeah? Yeah. Where'd you go?

01:10:52.050 --> 01:10:54.609
I started in Saigon, Ho Chi Minh. Ho Chi Minh,

01:10:54.670 --> 01:10:56.390
that's what they call it. And then I went to

01:10:56.390 --> 01:10:58.729
the south to some tiny town, getting away from

01:10:58.729 --> 01:11:00.890
backpackers. I was getting sick of everybody.

01:11:01.609 --> 01:11:03.989
You get sick of all the fucking tourists. Yeah.

01:11:04.210 --> 01:11:07.029
Really? District 1 of Ho Chi Minh is like TGI

01:11:07.029 --> 01:11:10.229
Friday. It's whatever. Yeah, they have the War

01:11:10.229 --> 01:11:12.270
Remnants Museum. It's the Vietnam War Memorial

01:11:12.270 --> 01:11:14.470
Museum. And they have a GI outside who's like,

01:11:14.529 --> 01:11:16.890
it's all propaganda in there. Whoa. Because it

01:11:16.890 --> 01:11:18.310
just talks about the senators who later came

01:11:18.310 --> 01:11:20.510
out and said, like, oh, yeah, I killed, like,

01:11:20.510 --> 01:11:23.010
50 innocent people once. Yeah, what was that?

01:11:23.069 --> 01:11:26.050
There was one senator that he was, you know,

01:11:26.050 --> 01:11:28.350
they were applauding him as a war hero. And then

01:11:28.350 --> 01:11:30.670
finally he just, like, said, I have to come clean.

01:11:30.729 --> 01:11:32.689
Yeah, I got some shit. Oh, I don't remember that.

01:11:32.689 --> 01:11:34.550
Yeah, he's like, I raped a bunch of people, killed

01:11:34.550 --> 01:11:35.949
a bunch of innocent people. We just went down

01:11:35.949 --> 01:11:37.829
and mowed out. And he was, like, running on the

01:11:37.829 --> 01:11:41.600
fact that he's a hero. Oh, boy. Yeah, when Jamie

01:11:41.600 --> 01:11:43.560
comes back, we'll figure out who that guy was.

01:11:43.560 --> 01:11:46.539
That Ken Burns Vietnam, though, is fucking wild.

01:11:47.100 --> 01:11:48.779
It's very dense. I tried to watch it the first

01:11:48.779 --> 01:11:51.640
time. I've watched, like, it is dense. Yeah.

01:11:51.859 --> 01:11:53.779
Then once you get into it, it's like, God damn.

01:11:53.960 --> 01:11:56.199
What is it, 12 hours? So fucking long. Great

01:11:56.199 --> 01:11:59.600
for flights. Yeah. And the pandemic. Yeah. The

01:11:59.600 --> 01:12:02.600
banh mi sandwich there is amazing. It's the fresh

01:12:02.600 --> 01:12:04.000
bread. They got that from the French. What's

01:12:04.000 --> 01:12:10.449
it called? Banh mi. Banh mi. Yeah. Mark Norman's

01:12:10.449 --> 01:12:13.050
infecting it. Yeah, I can do it. Spreading his

01:12:13.050 --> 01:12:18.130
spores on to you. To do me, you gotta go, it's

01:12:18.130 --> 01:12:22.810
gay. That's it, dude. Fuck gay. What the fuck?

01:12:22.850 --> 01:12:27.550
I would never do that. The fuck, bro? No. Yeah,

01:12:27.569 --> 01:12:29.949
it's pretty good. Thank you. It's funny. No.

01:12:31.489 --> 01:12:37.320
Learn to whip it. No. No. Thank you, J -Mo. Jamie,

01:12:37.320 --> 01:12:40.020
can you look up whoever that senator was that

01:12:40.020 --> 01:12:44.819
told the story about how they were trying to

01:12:44.819 --> 01:12:46.340
make him out to be a hero in Vietnam, and he

01:12:46.340 --> 01:12:49.220
was like, I can't do this. And he told his actual

01:12:49.220 --> 01:12:51.779
true story of what happened over there? Yeah.

01:12:51.880 --> 01:12:53.960
What about the senators with the gay tap under

01:12:53.960 --> 01:12:55.560
the stall? Oh, that guy was great. Oh, that was

01:12:55.560 --> 01:12:58.680
a thing that they were doing in, like, restrooms

01:12:58.680 --> 01:13:02.619
of, like, airports and shit, right? Yeah. Yes.

01:13:02.739 --> 01:13:05.300
Fucking, how do they even work that out? How

01:13:05.300 --> 01:13:07.100
do you risk that? What a Hail Mary. It's a Hail

01:13:07.100 --> 01:13:09.079
Mary. Well, but if you don't know the code. I

01:13:09.079 --> 01:13:10.840
think that's part of the fun. Yes, the Hail Mary.

01:13:10.840 --> 01:13:12.420
I don't know who this is going to be. I think

01:13:12.420 --> 01:13:14.979
these guys are on drugs, too. Imagine having

01:13:14.979 --> 01:13:17.199
just, I don't care who's on the other end of

01:13:17.199 --> 01:13:19.399
the stall. But you got to try it. It's a nice

01:13:19.399 --> 01:13:21.359
mouth. Just be like, I like your shoes. Let's

01:13:21.359 --> 01:13:24.619
go. But you have anonymity. Yeah. It's pretty

01:13:24.619 --> 01:13:26.520
good. Blumenthal's words differ from history.

01:13:26.760 --> 01:13:29.539
John Blumenthal from Walking Dead? Oh, no, this

01:13:29.539 --> 01:13:31.560
is the guy that didn't actually serve in Vietnam.

01:13:31.739 --> 01:13:33.000
He lied about it. This is a different guy. This

01:13:33.000 --> 01:13:35.680
was the 70s, I think, or 80s. This was a guy

01:13:35.680 --> 01:13:42.800
who was running as a war hero. He won as a war

01:13:42.800 --> 01:13:46.039
hero. And then, yeah, he got in? Yeah, he was

01:13:46.039 --> 01:13:47.699
ran for, I think, what I remember from this,

01:13:47.760 --> 01:13:50.960
he was a longtime senator. Whoa, is that Jay

01:13:50.960 --> 01:13:53.560
Leno? No, no, no. Oh, it's John Kerry. Holy shit.

01:13:53.899 --> 01:13:56.340
I don't think that's it. It was a guy who said

01:13:56.340 --> 01:13:58.640
he's part of the, not the Rape of Nanking, some

01:13:58.640 --> 01:14:00.539
well -known thing. He was like, that was me.

01:14:00.640 --> 01:14:03.000
That was all of my guys. We fucking did horrible,

01:14:03.119 --> 01:14:08.359
horrible things. Pop quiz. Who's the only president

01:14:08.359 --> 01:14:12.319
not to serve? In the military? Trump. And? The

01:14:12.319 --> 01:14:14.800
Vietnamese government has accused Senator Bob

01:14:14.800 --> 01:14:17.640
Kerry. No, it was somebody who came out on his

01:14:17.640 --> 01:14:20.399
own. Oh. All right, whatever. We probably shouldn't

01:14:20.399 --> 01:14:24.039
mention that. Not to serve? Carry out. No, Lincoln

01:14:24.039 --> 01:14:26.920
wasn't in the Army, was he? There's a bunch of

01:14:26.920 --> 01:14:29.760
those guys that won. George Washington. Adams.

01:14:29.800 --> 01:14:31.880
No, he was definitely in. Washington. What are

01:14:31.880 --> 01:14:33.720
you kidding? It wasn't a country. Biggest general.

01:14:34.800 --> 01:14:37.640
Adams. But yeah, the gay code is nice because

01:14:37.640 --> 01:14:41.119
you don't have to hang out. Yeah, just like see

01:14:41.119 --> 01:14:44.239
ya. Yeah. What a weird pickup move. That's genius.

01:14:44.439 --> 01:14:45.920
The gays, they know what they're doing. Lincoln

01:14:45.920 --> 01:14:47.380
and his troops served for 30 days and did not

01:14:47.380 --> 01:14:49.600
see any action in the war. That counts. Elvis

01:14:49.600 --> 01:14:51.880
Presley of war. Trump went to a military school.

01:14:52.100 --> 01:14:54.840
All right, all right. Trump went to a military

01:14:54.840 --> 01:14:57.439
school? He went to a military academy. It's a

01:14:57.439 --> 01:15:00.529
weekend party there. I bet they party. Handsome

01:15:00.529 --> 01:15:02.989
guy. Bring up Trump in his fucking uniform. Oh,

01:15:02.989 --> 01:15:04.529
he cleaned up. You're going to laugh. You're

01:15:04.529 --> 01:15:07.510
going to go, God damn, not bad. Whoa. I don't

01:15:07.510 --> 01:15:10.109
know about that. Not bad. For a billionaire?

01:15:10.310 --> 01:15:12.850
That's pretty handsome. Have you seen billionaires?

01:15:12.930 --> 01:15:15.869
I think Elon's better looking. Trump dog, dude.

01:15:16.090 --> 01:15:18.789
All right. He'd stab you with a sword, dude.

01:15:18.909 --> 01:15:20.409
They even knew back then. Put him in that yellow

01:15:20.409 --> 01:15:24.449
uniform. Is that a band? You forget how old he

01:15:24.449 --> 01:15:27.970
is. Until you see pictures. I showered with Donald

01:15:27.970 --> 01:15:32.149
Trump at military school. What a weird story.

01:15:32.550 --> 01:15:35.609
He's got little hands and a little penis. I heard

01:15:35.609 --> 01:15:37.109
he's packing. West Point. Dude, you guys know

01:15:37.109 --> 01:15:40.029
I went to West Point. That's right. Played football

01:15:40.029 --> 01:15:41.890
there. You know how dumb I looked in those uniforms?

01:15:42.189 --> 01:15:44.630
Oh, pull that up. I want to see that chin going

01:15:44.630 --> 01:15:46.920
over the collar. I got them at home. Do you?

01:15:47.140 --> 01:15:50.300
Dude, at ease. Or, like, at attention. My fucking

01:15:50.300 --> 01:15:54.500
fat head, like. Yeah. It's so bad, dude. Your

01:15:54.500 --> 01:15:57.399
mom must have liked it. My family was like, you're

01:15:57.399 --> 01:15:59.899
a hero. Yeah. But then they saw me in the uniform,

01:16:00.020 --> 01:16:01.960
and everyone was still kind of like, ah, Jesus

01:16:01.960 --> 01:16:05.600
Christ. Of course, my mom was like, you look

01:16:05.600 --> 01:16:07.579
so handsome. Yeah, you look sharp. What did they

01:16:07.579 --> 01:16:11.789
think when you got into comedy? Oh, yeah. I think

01:16:11.789 --> 01:16:14.989
they were happy I was doing anything. Same. Yeah.

01:16:15.109 --> 01:16:17.770
They were like, nice. And then right before things

01:16:17.770 --> 01:16:19.590
started going well, they were like, all right,

01:16:19.670 --> 01:16:22.029
what are you going to actually do? Same here.

01:16:22.170 --> 01:16:24.670
Yeah. Exact same thing. Even when it's going

01:16:24.670 --> 01:16:27.210
well. Yeah. Now it's funny. I like to tell my

01:16:27.210 --> 01:16:29.510
dad. Because usually any time I would go to a

01:16:29.510 --> 01:16:30.630
show, he'd be like, how much are they paying

01:16:30.630 --> 01:16:33.449
you? I'd be like, I'm driving to Cleveland. No,

01:16:33.449 --> 01:16:34.270
you can't tell him that. He'd be like, how much

01:16:34.270 --> 01:16:36.750
are they paying you? I'd be like, $200. He's

01:16:36.750 --> 01:16:39.229
like, what the fuck are you doing? Now I like

01:16:39.229 --> 01:16:41.100
to be like, Phil. Guess how much money they paid

01:16:41.100 --> 01:16:45.439
me. Yeah. Don't make me buy your house right

01:16:45.439 --> 01:16:53.329
now. But they were motherfuckers. But could you

01:16:53.329 --> 01:16:55.869
imagine your kid wants to be a comic? My mom

01:16:55.869 --> 01:16:57.829
told me. And you don't have any? She was like,

01:16:57.850 --> 01:16:58.890
what are you trying to do? I'm trying to become

01:16:58.890 --> 01:17:00.409
a paid writer at the comic store. She goes, how

01:17:00.409 --> 01:17:02.430
much do you make for that? I'm like, $15 a spot.

01:17:02.569 --> 01:17:06.130
She was like, oh, you can't live on that. I know

01:17:06.130 --> 01:17:09.810
that. Here I am, 50, doing whippets. Shut up,

01:17:09.810 --> 01:17:17.359
idiot. Yeah. If your kid was going to do that,

01:17:17.399 --> 01:17:19.060
if your kid was going to go into comedy, what

01:17:19.060 --> 01:17:21.439
are the odds of success? They're so low. It's

01:17:21.439 --> 01:17:23.279
crazy. I would talk him out of it. If your kid

01:17:23.279 --> 01:17:24.760
wants to be a lawyer, you're like, yeah, if you

01:17:24.760 --> 01:17:26.560
study hard, you can go to law school, you can

01:17:26.560 --> 01:17:28.399
actually be a lawyer. There's a path. You can

01:17:28.399 --> 01:17:30.079
make it there. But also, if you're a bad lawyer,

01:17:30.180 --> 01:17:31.899
it's not nearly as embarrassing as if you're

01:17:31.899 --> 01:17:35.420
a bad lawyer. No, you need to tell them. My parents

01:17:35.420 --> 01:17:37.880
saw me do stand -up in Harrisburg. They came

01:17:37.880 --> 01:17:41.399
to a show where they were like one of... 12 people

01:17:41.399 --> 01:17:45.340
in the audience. Oh, no. My closing joke was

01:17:45.340 --> 01:17:47.779
like, would you rather get shot in the head or

01:17:47.779 --> 01:17:51.840
69 with your dad? No way. It kills. That joke

01:17:51.840 --> 01:17:56.380
kills. Whoa. I can imagine that kills. Everybody

01:17:56.380 --> 01:17:58.460
wants to say you would never suck your dad's

01:17:58.460 --> 01:18:00.060
dick, but that gun comes out. You and your dad

01:18:00.060 --> 01:18:02.680
get awfully friendly. You got to bring that bit

01:18:02.680 --> 01:18:04.460
back. Me and my dad are big. We would do it standing.

01:18:04.560 --> 01:18:08.420
I'd flip his old ass up. His new balances would

01:18:08.420 --> 01:18:10.020
be kicking in the air. My dad was in the front.

01:18:10.119 --> 01:18:16.420
We were like, God damn it. Jesus Christ. Far

01:18:16.420 --> 01:18:19.159
away from West Point. Yeah. West Point was like

01:18:19.159 --> 01:18:22.020
three years before that. If your parents are

01:18:22.020 --> 01:18:25.020
like fucking sober, normal people, and then you

01:18:25.020 --> 01:18:27.899
enter into that world, and you're talking that

01:18:27.899 --> 01:18:30.220
kind of shit on stage. Well, my dad's not a sober.

01:18:30.720 --> 01:18:33.020
No, yeah. That's not the issue. He goes to the

01:18:33.020 --> 01:18:37.050
fucking Elks. Oh, the Elks are fun. But. But

01:18:37.050 --> 01:18:39.109
he's a normal person. That's crazy. It's crazy.

01:18:39.170 --> 01:18:41.189
Talking about sucking your dad's dick on a fucking

01:18:41.189 --> 01:18:43.029
stage. In front of regular people. They brought

01:18:43.029 --> 01:18:46.970
their friends. They brought another couple. Oh,

01:18:46.970 --> 01:18:49.550
my gosh. When I said that joke, I vividly remember

01:18:49.550 --> 01:18:56.909
my mom just goes, oh, no. Oh, fuck. That's brutal.

01:18:56.909 --> 01:18:58.550
Oh, my God. That's hilarious. I wouldn't let

01:18:58.550 --> 01:19:00.130
him come see me. I wouldn't let him. It was too

01:19:00.130 --> 01:19:02.750
much. I told him never to come again. And then

01:19:02.750 --> 01:19:05.050
my dad called like two days later and was like.

01:19:05.470 --> 01:19:07.430
Hey. And I was like, if this is about comedy,

01:19:07.529 --> 01:19:09.569
I can't. Can't do it. And he was like, all right.

01:19:10.130 --> 01:19:12.090
I'm just saying, everybody else is talking about

01:19:12.090 --> 01:19:14.069
stories. You're up there talking about doing

01:19:14.069 --> 01:19:18.810
gay stuff. He's giving you advice. He gave me

01:19:18.810 --> 01:19:22.109
comedy advice. Oh, my God. Has he seen you recently?

01:19:24.630 --> 01:19:27.470
No. You got to send him some TV stuff. How recent?

01:19:28.960 --> 01:19:31.000
Two years ago? Oh, that's not good enough. I

01:19:31.000 --> 01:19:33.800
know. He's showing what the fuck is up now. Come

01:19:33.800 --> 01:19:35.760
to the theater. Yeah. Come to the theater, Pops.

01:19:35.939 --> 01:19:37.680
You should kill the whole time and then close

01:19:37.680 --> 01:19:41.300
with that 69 bit again. I will. I will do that.

01:19:41.340 --> 01:19:43.680
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, here we go. I told you

01:19:43.680 --> 01:19:45.340
it would work. I told you it would work. My son,

01:19:45.439 --> 01:19:47.979
he's doing pretty well. God damn it. Talking

01:19:47.979 --> 01:19:49.880
about blowing me. I thought you were done with

01:19:49.880 --> 01:19:51.920
that fucking joke. Nah, I'm bringing it back.

01:19:52.720 --> 01:19:54.789
Brought it back for you, Dad. They don't get

01:19:54.789 --> 01:19:56.270
it, too. You're like, I got in the cellar. They're

01:19:56.270 --> 01:19:58.149
like, who? Cellar? What? No, that was the thing.

01:19:58.189 --> 01:20:00.250
The only one they understood was SNL. Of course.

01:20:00.270 --> 01:20:01.369
And I got it. What happened there? And I got

01:20:01.369 --> 01:20:03.689
to call them and be like, hey, I got SNL. And

01:20:03.689 --> 01:20:05.369
they're like, we're so proud. Yeah. We're going

01:20:05.369 --> 01:20:06.630
to be so happy for you for 14 hours. Two days

01:20:06.630 --> 01:20:10.149
later. Two days later. And then my mom and dad

01:20:10.149 --> 01:20:11.829
are going around. My mom, especially, is like,

01:20:11.890 --> 01:20:14.630
my son's on us because I was a loser forever.

01:20:14.989 --> 01:20:16.750
Oh, man. And then now she gets to go tell all

01:20:16.750 --> 01:20:18.949
her friends whose kids are fucking orthodontists.

01:20:18.949 --> 01:20:20.789
And then they call back. Like, no, your son's

01:20:20.789 --> 01:20:22.069
not better than the orthodontist. Well, we're

01:20:22.069 --> 01:20:24.989
so sorry for you. Like that world. So they can

01:20:24.989 --> 01:20:27.109
brag and send their Christmas cards. That is

01:20:27.109 --> 01:20:30.229
rough. You made Newsweek. Hell yeah. My whole

01:20:30.229 --> 01:20:33.250
town was pretty proud. All right. For real. I

01:20:33.250 --> 01:20:34.729
thought people would be upset. My dad was like,

01:20:34.810 --> 01:20:36.770
hell yeah. Is there a celebrity from Mechanics?

01:20:36.909 --> 01:20:42.310
Yeah. Mike? Fucking Poison. Oh, really? Yeah.

01:20:42.729 --> 01:20:45.649
Brett Michaels. No shit. Let's go. Isn't Mike

01:20:45.649 --> 01:20:48.270
in the Mechanics? Let's go. Brett Michaels, Mechanics.

01:20:48.470 --> 01:20:51.170
You're like a New England -y, right? No, Maryland.

01:20:51.649 --> 01:20:54.899
Maryland. Mike in the Mechanics? What's that?

01:20:55.079 --> 01:20:57.409
In the living years? What? In the living years?

01:20:57.569 --> 01:20:59.609
In the living years. I think that Whippet fucked

01:20:59.609 --> 01:21:01.590
you up. Bro, that Whippet. It was a hit song.

01:21:01.689 --> 01:21:04.770
Fake memories. It was a hit song. Psycho -mechanics,

01:21:04.770 --> 01:21:09.189
fuck off. I got to sit there real good. I got

01:21:09.189 --> 01:21:10.989
to sing well. Whatever you do, don't play that

01:21:10.989 --> 01:21:14.229
terrible song. It was a top hit song. Oh, right.

01:21:14.229 --> 01:21:15.649
Now they're like, we were on the drug. Ah, that

01:21:15.649 --> 01:21:17.770
shit. I listen to Ari's podcast for music that

01:21:17.770 --> 01:21:21.090
I don't want to listen to. What kind of recommendations

01:21:21.090 --> 01:21:23.229
can I avoid? We were in the car on the way over.

01:21:23.289 --> 01:21:25.529
I had the aux. I was playing fucking Bone Thug.

01:21:25.710 --> 01:21:28.550
and Migos, and I was considering asking Ari.

01:21:28.989 --> 01:21:31.270
That'll do it. Good lord, what music do you like?

01:21:31.470 --> 01:21:33.970
No. It's going to be some dumb, made -up shit.

01:21:34.109 --> 01:21:36.829
Yoko Ono's greatest hits. Made -up shit. I like

01:21:36.829 --> 01:21:40.210
Blue Wolf and the Dancing Pansies. Shut up, dude.

01:21:40.810 --> 01:21:44.329
This is a cool indie band from Guatemala. I got

01:21:44.329 --> 01:21:45.890
really into them during the pandemic. Yeah, I

01:21:45.890 --> 01:21:49.850
remember being 20. With your backpack on. I just

01:21:49.850 --> 01:21:52.270
want to see the world. I have wonderlust. Doing

01:21:52.270 --> 01:21:55.270
whippets. With a backpack in Vietnam. Doing whippets.

01:21:55.829 --> 01:21:57.989
Watching a drum circle. Having a seizure in the

01:21:57.989 --> 01:22:01.609
jungle. Don't do another one, man. I'm worried

01:22:01.609 --> 01:22:03.149
about you. He's going to do another one. Keep

01:22:03.149 --> 01:22:06.430
going. Keep going. Is this that song? Seizure

01:22:06.430 --> 01:22:07.890
in the Jungle is a great band. Is this the song?

01:22:07.909 --> 01:22:10.989
This came up. It has 27 ,000 views. What is it?

01:22:11.050 --> 01:22:13.529
Oh, all right. It's a song for a while with it.

01:22:13.670 --> 01:22:17.789
Put your headphones on so you can hear it. I

01:22:17.789 --> 01:22:25.609
want to hear this. What the fuck? I don't know.

01:22:26.539 --> 01:22:27.979
This is what it sounds like when you walk into

01:22:27.979 --> 01:22:31.000
an Indian restaurant. That's a song specifically

01:22:31.000 --> 01:22:34.520
designed to whip it to? Maybe. Does it feel good,

01:22:34.659 --> 01:22:47.380
Harry? Yeah, you like it. Yeah. This music is

01:22:47.380 --> 01:22:58.819
like... I'm not getting big enough balloons out

01:22:58.819 --> 01:23:01.420
of this. I think you're good. I think you're

01:23:01.420 --> 01:23:03.460
good, dude. I think high school kids champ this

01:23:03.460 --> 01:23:06.960
shit pretty easy. They rule. You've done three

01:23:06.960 --> 01:23:09.840
now? It's not a long -term thing. I've seen bros

01:23:09.840 --> 01:23:17.380
champ boxes. Easy. Really? Where? Last year I

01:23:17.380 --> 01:23:20.279
was in Philly. friends who do comedy would play

01:23:20.279 --> 01:23:22.720
poker together. All of a sudden they just were

01:23:22.720 --> 01:23:24.420
like, middle of we're playing poker, they just

01:23:24.420 --> 01:23:27.819
all broke out whippets. The rest of it, we played

01:23:27.819 --> 01:23:31.500
for three hours. They were doing just... Is that

01:23:31.500 --> 01:23:35.939
Steve -O? Steve -O gets after it. It was wild

01:23:35.939 --> 01:23:38.579
to see this. I don't know the exact part where

01:23:38.579 --> 01:23:41.239
he's doing it. His whole house is filled with

01:23:41.239 --> 01:23:43.180
them. It's bad when Knoxville is like, you gotta

01:23:43.180 --> 01:23:46.680
relax. That's him at the factory. None of that

01:23:46.680 --> 01:23:50.310
seems wise. He's got his shit together. He's

01:23:50.310 --> 01:23:52.390
got a good podcast now. He's kicking ass. Yeah,

01:23:52.390 --> 01:23:54.569
he's sober. Doing comedy. Steve -O does rules.

01:23:54.630 --> 01:23:57.050
Jackass rules. Great guy. Jackass rules. When

01:23:57.050 --> 01:24:01.109
I was in Spain, Jackass made me so proud. I saw

01:24:01.109 --> 01:24:03.149
people wearing Jackass t -shirts, and I was like,

01:24:03.189 --> 01:24:06.470
damn. I've almost grown up by laughing so hard

01:24:06.470 --> 01:24:08.310
at Jackass. It's so funny. It was great. It was

01:24:08.310 --> 01:24:10.630
great. The theater, it was mayhem. Every other

01:24:10.630 --> 01:24:12.229
comedy, you're like, oh, you guys are just trying

01:24:12.229 --> 01:24:14.909
to get to a percentage of Jackass. Oh, no. It's

01:24:14.909 --> 01:24:16.949
like adult cartoons. People falling, getting

01:24:16.949 --> 01:24:19.850
hit. Oh, my God. They fuck their bodies up, too.

01:24:20.250 --> 01:24:21.670
His dick doesn't work. Steve -O's pretty good.

01:24:21.850 --> 01:24:24.590
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Knoxville. His dick is fucked.

01:24:24.649 --> 01:24:28.210
I tried. Couldn't get it going. Yeah, I mean,

01:24:28.229 --> 01:24:30.710
just the fucking sheer punishment those guys

01:24:30.710 --> 01:24:33.640
take. Punishment. These bulls. Bulls. Bulls.

01:24:33.640 --> 01:24:35.460
Like, what are you doing? Like, the whole job

01:24:35.460 --> 01:24:37.619
was, I'm going to get a donkey to kick at me.

01:24:37.699 --> 01:24:39.420
And you just get right up to him. Yeah. That

01:24:39.420 --> 01:24:41.479
one's great when he's fucking shaking when he's

01:24:41.479 --> 01:24:42.279
walking towards him. Yeah, like, this won't go

01:24:42.279 --> 01:24:44.739
any other way. Didn't they stand blindfolded

01:24:44.739 --> 01:24:46.640
in front of bulls? Yeah. Yeah, Knoxville did.

01:24:46.899 --> 01:24:49.260
Knoxville's been locked. That Ngannou did not

01:24:49.260 --> 01:24:50.840
too much. That one's too much for the nuts. This

01:24:50.840 --> 01:24:53.600
poor guy. Danger Aaron stole the last movie.

01:24:53.699 --> 01:24:56.600
You know how crazy that is? That's crazy. Francis

01:24:56.600 --> 01:24:59.079
Ngannou punched you in the nuts. Look at him

01:24:59.079 --> 01:25:03.779
focusing Ngannou. I mean, how do you stand that?

01:25:03.880 --> 01:25:06.819
You don't. I flinch on a gnat. This is crazy.

01:25:07.079 --> 01:25:08.720
Oh, that's so bad. Are you going to show me?

01:25:08.920 --> 01:25:11.899
Yeah, that was wonderful. Oh, that's fun. I love

01:25:11.899 --> 01:25:13.319
when they're like, I'm not even doing the sketch.

01:25:14.399 --> 01:25:15.800
Steve -O was going to do it, but he understands

01:25:15.800 --> 01:25:17.659
that MMA guys punch really hard, and they tricked

01:25:17.659 --> 01:25:19.399
this guy. I don't think they knew. They didn't

01:25:19.399 --> 01:25:20.439
tell him in Ghana he was going to come around

01:25:20.439 --> 01:25:23.800
the corner. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. His face

01:25:23.800 --> 01:25:25.699
immediately goes to the worst. Look at the agony.

01:25:26.739 --> 01:25:29.350
They're talking about it. So unnecessary. I'm

01:25:29.350 --> 01:25:30.689
sure there's women who like that. They're like,

01:25:30.729 --> 01:25:32.770
this is hot. These guys. They like watching guys

01:25:32.770 --> 01:25:37.789
get pussy. Oh, yeah. Yeah. 100%. I know. They're

01:25:37.789 --> 01:25:41.170
risk takers. They're risk takers. Women like

01:25:41.170 --> 01:25:44.329
guys who do flips. And they're drunk. Yeah, they're

01:25:44.329 --> 01:25:47.510
millionaires. Do whippets on pods at 74. Yeah,

01:25:47.569 --> 01:25:49.810
you might get some pussy for this. Yeah, bro.

01:25:50.409 --> 01:25:54.250
What was Vietnam like? What I remember is that

01:25:54.250 --> 01:25:58.859
every day was a war. Huh? What about the pho

01:25:58.859 --> 01:26:00.819
over there? Pretty good pho? Pho's not bad. I

01:26:00.819 --> 01:26:02.500
was really into the banh mi's. All right. You

01:26:02.500 --> 01:26:04.539
just get them to go. They're so good, so fresh.

01:26:06.239 --> 01:26:08.479
It's a fresh bread. They love it. French bread.

01:26:08.899 --> 01:26:11.979
Yeah. That's what we eat po' boys on. The French,

01:26:12.039 --> 01:26:14.939
without the bread, it's not a po' boy. So I loved

01:26:14.939 --> 01:26:16.859
one of those things of somebody at some college

01:26:16.859 --> 01:26:19.899
campus was bitching at their student union for

01:26:19.899 --> 01:26:23.579
doing the banh mi sandwich not the authentic

01:26:23.579 --> 01:26:26.180
way. Like some sort of Tabasco on it or something

01:26:26.180 --> 01:26:28.560
instead of like Sriracha. Yeah. He's like, that's

01:26:28.560 --> 01:26:31.020
not authentic Vietnamese. Everyone's like, it's

01:26:31.020 --> 01:26:35.420
French bread. It's from the colonization. Did

01:26:35.420 --> 01:26:38.439
you guys ever do the stand up bong hit? You know,

01:26:38.460 --> 01:26:41.380
so paper towel roll. You're on the on the wall

01:26:41.380 --> 01:26:44.020
and you're both squatting. And he takes a giant

01:26:44.020 --> 01:26:46.720
vaporizer hit or whatever. And he blows it into

01:26:46.720 --> 01:26:49.220
your mouth while you stand up. And then you fall

01:26:49.220 --> 01:26:51.340
back down immediately. No. You never did that?

01:26:51.520 --> 01:26:56.699
No. Oh, beer bong. No, no, weed. Huge hit, and

01:26:56.699 --> 01:27:00.300
then as you come up, and it hits you so hard.

01:27:00.439 --> 01:27:02.859
As you're standing up. As you're standing up,

01:27:02.920 --> 01:27:06.140
so the oxygen goes away. Well, interesting. This

01:27:06.140 --> 01:27:08.510
is pre -internet, you know? Yeah. Four guys in

01:27:08.510 --> 01:27:11.029
a house. Just figuring shit out. Figuring it

01:27:11.029 --> 01:27:12.750
out. Nothing to do. What if I blow the smoke

01:27:12.750 --> 01:27:15.449
in your face? Yeah. Then you stand up. Exactly.

01:27:15.449 --> 01:27:16.970
That was one of the things they did during NOM.

01:27:17.010 --> 01:27:20.329
They'd do it through rifles. Yeah. That's so

01:27:20.329 --> 01:27:23.430
fucking cool. That's cool. That can't end well.

01:27:23.670 --> 01:27:28.520
Yeah. Yikes. Imagine being high as fuck and also

01:27:28.520 --> 01:27:31.300
in Vietnam in the middle of the war going, what

01:27:31.300 --> 01:27:34.300
the fuck, man? Yeah, so they did a shotgun where

01:27:34.300 --> 01:27:38.800
they literally opened up the barrel. Damn. And

01:27:38.800 --> 01:27:40.460
they're blowing the weed through. I like how

01:27:40.460 --> 01:27:41.640
they're not touching it with their mouth because

01:27:41.640 --> 01:27:44.539
they don't want to get herpes. They don't want

01:27:44.539 --> 01:27:46.539
to be gay. They don't want to be sucking on that

01:27:46.539 --> 01:27:49.680
gun in front of everybody. Whoa, tough times.

01:27:50.619 --> 01:27:52.159
You've got to kill the day. But then what if

01:27:52.159 --> 01:27:54.140
you get attacked? Imagine being super paranoid

01:27:54.140 --> 01:27:56.060
and high as fuck, and you're in the jungle in

01:27:56.060 --> 01:27:58.720
Vietnam. You realize you're in this stupid fucking

01:27:58.720 --> 01:28:01.720
war that makes no sense, has zero support behind

01:28:01.720 --> 01:28:04.199
it. The nature walks are good. What are we doing?

01:28:04.340 --> 01:28:06.479
I'm shooting people with zero support behind

01:28:06.479 --> 01:28:08.619
it. Yeah, you're out in nature. Yeah, that's

01:28:08.619 --> 01:28:09.739
what they said. One of the reasons they won,

01:28:09.779 --> 01:28:11.520
they took over all the reasons that Vietnam won.

01:28:11.699 --> 01:28:14.000
They were like, the Americans were like, I don't

01:28:14.000 --> 01:28:15.920
even want to be here. Well, yeah, no one did.

01:28:16.039 --> 01:28:17.760
Yeah, like, I don't care about these people.

01:28:18.079 --> 01:28:19.659
And the Vietnamese were fighting for their home.

01:28:20.109 --> 01:28:21.489
What about, do you ever meet one of those guys

01:28:21.489 --> 01:28:23.550
who's like, you know, when 9 -11 happened, they're

01:28:23.550 --> 01:28:26.170
like, I'm going over there. Yeah. Pat Tillman.

01:28:26.369 --> 01:28:27.989
Thank God for guys like that. Yeah. Because I'm

01:28:27.989 --> 01:28:29.729
like, oh, I'm going to stay here. How about Pat

01:28:29.729 --> 01:28:32.149
Tillman? Pat Tillman. He's left being a fucking

01:28:32.149 --> 01:28:34.869
NFL star to go over there. That's insane. And

01:28:34.869 --> 01:28:36.770
he got killed by friendly fire. Friendly fire.

01:28:36.949 --> 01:28:38.609
Oh, you hate to hear it. And they had to hide

01:28:38.609 --> 01:28:40.289
it. They had to hide it. Oh, God. No, he was

01:28:40.289 --> 01:28:41.329
a hero. He was that annoying? Well, not that

01:28:41.329 --> 01:28:43.569
he wasn't a hero, obviously. He was just a -

01:28:43.569 --> 01:28:45.619
He was still a hero. A bummer of a guy? Like

01:28:45.619 --> 01:28:48.340
a bad hang? No, no, no, no. Oh, it was an accident.

01:28:48.460 --> 01:28:49.899
I thought they were like, this guy's on purpose.

01:28:50.319 --> 01:28:52.079
Some people said it was on purpose. That's what

01:28:52.079 --> 01:28:52.960
I heard. Because he was starting to see like,

01:28:53.060 --> 01:28:54.840
oh, this is fucking pointless. What are we doing

01:28:54.840 --> 01:28:56.319
here even? And then like, oh, we got to shut

01:28:56.319 --> 01:28:59.600
him up. Keep him a hero. Oh, no. It's a theory.

01:28:59.680 --> 01:29:02.880
Boy, I hope not. Yeah. God, you hope not. Yeesh.

01:29:03.140 --> 01:29:06.420
Anyway, let's talk about something funnier. I'm

01:29:06.420 --> 01:29:10.060
in friendly fire. I know, right? What the fuck?

01:29:10.119 --> 01:29:13.739
You changed the mood of everything when you read

01:29:13.739 --> 01:29:15.439
out your uncle's text. That's pretty sick, though.

01:29:15.539 --> 01:29:17.859
I mean, imagine being on a plane reading that.

01:29:17.880 --> 01:29:19.520
The way he described it, too, was amazing, too.

01:29:19.960 --> 01:29:22.619
Your uncle's smart. Yeah, he's fired up. How

01:29:22.619 --> 01:29:27.060
about that Mahomes? He's good. No. Sorry. You

01:29:27.060 --> 01:29:29.500
know what I like, though? I came around on Jackson.

01:29:30.300 --> 01:29:32.909
Jackson Mahomes. Who's that? The brother? His

01:29:32.909 --> 01:29:34.750
brother that does TikToks, and his wife, his

01:29:34.750 --> 01:29:37.189
annoying wife that screams. Oh, yeah. Everyone

01:29:37.189 --> 01:29:39.149
hates on them, and it actually makes me happy.

01:29:39.270 --> 01:29:40.649
No, they're fun. His wife, have you ever seen

01:29:40.649 --> 01:29:42.210
this? I don't watch TikTok. Patrick Mahomes is

01:29:42.210 --> 01:29:44.470
the best quarterback. Well, second. Jalen was

01:29:44.470 --> 01:29:46.649
obviously MVP. Oh, that hurts. Should have been.

01:29:46.789 --> 01:29:49.109
I mean, the unforced fumble was tough. Patrick

01:29:49.109 --> 01:29:51.789
Mahomes has a wife that's just wild. She's up

01:29:51.789 --> 01:29:54.729
in the box. She films herself. It's her and his

01:29:54.729 --> 01:29:58.170
brother. His brother does TikToks, and Patrick's

01:29:58.170 --> 01:29:59.869
obviously, he's the man. And then he's got a

01:29:59.869 --> 01:30:01.869
crazy wife and a brother up in the box, like,

01:30:01.930 --> 01:30:04.149
doing all this shit. And his wife's up there

01:30:04.149 --> 01:30:05.810
like, you thought you were going to beat us?

01:30:05.930 --> 01:30:11.189
Take a game. It's the best. Forcing everyone,

01:30:11.250 --> 01:30:16.930
like, to fucking be in a video. Oh, yeah, she's

01:30:16.930 --> 01:30:23.609
a lot. She's a lot. Whoa, Jesus. Problem is,

01:30:23.609 --> 01:30:25.329
they keep that same energy when you get divorced.

01:30:26.390 --> 01:30:29.409
They come after you. They come after you with

01:30:29.409 --> 01:30:32.789
that same energy. These kids are going crazy.

01:30:33.930 --> 01:30:37.489
Football fans? Who gets more fired up than football

01:30:37.489 --> 01:30:43.789
fans? I'd say Proud Boys. Especially when the

01:30:43.789 --> 01:30:48.710
FBI people are riling things up. It just came

01:30:48.710 --> 01:30:51.810
out today that the FBI was involved in Black

01:30:51.810 --> 01:30:53.750
Lives Matter protests, turning them violent.

01:30:54.069 --> 01:30:56.670
Come on. No, they wouldn't do that. There's allegations.

01:30:57.029 --> 01:30:58.350
Let's see if we can find that. They were doing

01:30:58.350 --> 01:31:00.710
it during Vietnam. The fucking watch. The fucking

01:31:00.710 --> 01:31:06.449
watch. My BLM alarm. You still have that stupid

01:31:06.449 --> 01:31:08.149
fucking watch. This thing runs like a watch.

01:31:08.149 --> 01:31:10.250
It doesn't wet at all. What time does it say?

01:31:10.250 --> 01:31:13.789
It runs like a watch. 501. Feds deliberately

01:31:13.789 --> 01:31:17.189
targeted BLM protesters to disrupt the movement,

01:31:17.329 --> 01:31:19.029
a report says. Oh, boy. They did it in Vietnam.

01:31:19.210 --> 01:31:20.489
In the Vietnam thing they were talking about.

01:31:20.489 --> 01:31:21.609
Yeah, they do it with everything. They do it

01:31:21.609 --> 01:31:22.949
with everything. Let's get some guys in there

01:31:22.949 --> 01:31:25.869
to protest violent. Agent provocateurs. Yeah.

01:31:26.270 --> 01:31:30.189
Yeah. They fucking 100 % did it there. The snitch

01:31:30.189 --> 01:31:32.810
in the silver hearse. What is that? FBI paid

01:31:32.810 --> 01:31:35.529
a violent felon to infiltrate Denver's radical

01:31:35.529 --> 01:31:38.369
justice movement. Wow. Jalen Hurst. Of course.

01:31:39.829 --> 01:31:42.329
Crazy. They always do that. They don't like these

01:31:42.329 --> 01:31:44.310
fucking movements, and they go, you know what?

01:31:45.229 --> 01:31:47.149
Disrupt it. Just let's send in some people to

01:31:47.149 --> 01:31:48.590
smash some windows and light some shit on fire.

01:31:48.590 --> 01:31:49.850
Yeah, occupy Wall Street. They'll get in there,

01:31:49.930 --> 01:31:51.869
undercover cops, start fights, and then the other

01:31:51.869 --> 01:31:53.050
cops are going to be like, hey, they're fighting.

01:31:53.170 --> 01:31:55.510
We've got to break it up. Yeah, I want to. That's

01:31:55.510 --> 01:31:56.829
what they did with the World Trade Organization.

01:31:56.970 --> 01:31:59.060
You went to a march? I went to Occupy. You went

01:31:59.060 --> 01:32:00.340
to Occupy Wall Street? I wanted to see what it

01:32:00.340 --> 01:32:02.279
was about. He's trying to fuck chicks. How old

01:32:02.279 --> 01:32:06.619
were you? I was like 23, 24. The B .O. was wild.

01:32:07.920 --> 01:32:09.880
But it was something to see because it was kind

01:32:09.880 --> 01:32:11.520
of new, all that kind of stuff. Now we have a

01:32:11.520 --> 01:32:13.720
protest every 10 minutes. But that was fun to

01:32:13.720 --> 01:32:16.579
watch. They shut that shit down. Yeah, a lot

01:32:16.579 --> 01:32:19.859
of pepper spray. Yeah. Also interesting that

01:32:19.859 --> 01:32:22.079
they were like, you guys did this. We're just

01:32:22.079 --> 01:32:25.720
going to hover around where you work. Yeah, that's

01:32:25.720 --> 01:32:28.239
true. It's a totally different kind of a movement.

01:32:28.439 --> 01:32:30.119
It was like the beginning of these kind of mass

01:32:30.119 --> 01:32:31.939
movements. We're just going to make you look

01:32:31.939 --> 01:32:34.020
at us as you go into work. Yeah, we're going

01:32:34.020 --> 01:32:35.739
to park out here on the grass. They weren't like

01:32:35.739 --> 01:32:39.039
disrupting, breaking anybody's car windows or

01:32:39.039 --> 01:32:41.119
anything. No, we're going to occupy. It was right

01:32:41.119 --> 01:32:43.420
when Obama won, so it was like a wacky time in

01:32:43.420 --> 01:32:46.560
New York. Yeah, because it was 2008, financial

01:32:46.560 --> 01:32:49.979
collapse. Black president. First black president.

01:32:50.279 --> 01:32:52.399
A lot of shit's going on. The economy goes into

01:32:52.399 --> 01:32:55.819
the tank after the housing crisis. Oh, yeah.

01:32:56.060 --> 01:32:57.600
And then they're like, you guys did it. So it's

01:32:57.600 --> 01:32:59.840
almost like there are white blood cells surrounding

01:32:59.840 --> 01:33:03.560
an infection. It was the blacks. I mean, that's

01:33:03.560 --> 01:33:07.989
not what I meant. Oh, sorry. Yeah, yeah, and

01:33:07.989 --> 01:33:09.270
they're just like calling attention. Yeah, they're

01:33:09.270 --> 01:33:10.930
just like realizing there's something wrong with

01:33:10.930 --> 01:33:13.670
this. We are the 99%, but they're not even. They

01:33:13.670 --> 01:33:15.350
don't even understand what that means. Oh, boy.

01:33:15.569 --> 01:33:18.630
They're not the 99%. But people feel really good.

01:33:18.850 --> 01:33:21.069
Not globally. Oh, right. Globally, you make $34

01:33:21.069 --> 01:33:24.149
,000 and you're top 1 % of the world. That's

01:33:24.149 --> 01:33:25.449
how wild the world is. Nobody wants to hear that.

01:33:25.609 --> 01:33:28.189
People who are like against the 1 % want to realize

01:33:28.189 --> 01:33:31.479
they're in the 1 % of this country. Aha. They're

01:33:31.479 --> 01:33:32.779
like, what? I'm not like, yeah, yeah, you're

01:33:32.779 --> 01:33:35.000
super wealthy. The 1 % of this country is like,

01:33:35.119 --> 01:33:36.899
I think it's like a half a million dollars a

01:33:36.899 --> 01:33:39.899
year. Wow. No way. It might be less. It might

01:33:39.899 --> 01:33:42.340
be like, what is the 1 %? What's the top 1 %?

01:33:42.380 --> 01:33:44.119
What do you have to make? It's like every doctor.

01:33:44.239 --> 01:33:47.359
But the 1 % of the world is $34 ,000. Really?

01:33:47.600 --> 01:33:50.579
Top 1 % of the world is over $34 ,000. All right,

01:33:50.579 --> 01:33:55.500
Ari, you're in. Okay, it's $823 ,000 in 2020.

01:33:55.960 --> 01:33:58.340
So I was off by quite a bit. That's a lot. What

01:33:58.340 --> 01:34:02.760
is it? $823 ,000 in 2020. Wait, what's the other

01:34:02.760 --> 01:34:06.439
number? National average of the top 1 % earners

01:34:06.439 --> 01:34:11.819
is $597 ,000. Hey! Economic Policy Institute

01:34:11.819 --> 01:34:14.000
was the first one. This is a study by Smart Asset

01:34:14.000 --> 01:34:16.579
Points, the second one. Okay, so it's somewhere

01:34:16.579 --> 01:34:21.000
between $600 ,000 to $800 ,000. Wow, okay. The

01:34:21.000 --> 01:34:22.840
average. That's in America. The average of the

01:34:22.840 --> 01:34:24.960
1%, which means you can still be the 1 % at like

01:34:24.960 --> 01:34:29.359
$400 ,000. Yeah. Actually, the top has billions

01:34:29.359 --> 01:34:32.359
in it, so probably $570 ,000. The average annual

01:34:32.359 --> 01:34:36.520
wage gap. So a lot of fucking money. Yeah. There

01:34:36.520 --> 01:34:38.920
you go. Oh, wait a minute. Look how it was phrased

01:34:38.920 --> 01:34:43.810
originally. Annual gross income of $590 ,000.

01:34:43.810 --> 01:34:47.590
Yeah, that's what it is. The average annual income

01:34:47.590 --> 01:34:50.949
of more than half a million dollars. Okay. All

01:34:50.949 --> 01:34:53.569
right. We're doing okay then. Well, for the rest

01:34:53.569 --> 01:34:55.329
of the world, we're doing fucking amazing. Yeah.

01:34:55.390 --> 01:34:57.109
We could pay 200 grand for this podcast. It's

01:34:57.109 --> 01:35:01.510
just it's not perfect. It's not perfect. There's

01:35:01.510 --> 01:35:05.529
flaws. Oh, yeah. I remember an old video of Rogan

01:35:05.529 --> 01:35:09.949
on some like before Tough Crowd. It was like

01:35:09.949 --> 01:35:11.909
four people talking. Maybe it was Bill Maher

01:35:11.909 --> 01:35:13.470
or something. I don't know. There was some guy

01:35:13.470 --> 01:35:15.310
saying he wants to up the national for anyone

01:35:15.310 --> 01:35:18.590
over a million dollars 70%. Remember this? Oh,

01:35:18.590 --> 01:35:23.250
yeah. Joe goes on air. If you take 70 % of my

01:35:23.250 --> 01:35:25.949
money, I'm going to kick your fucking ass. Whoa.

01:35:26.470 --> 01:35:27.850
I was like, you're out of your fucking mind.

01:35:27.949 --> 01:35:30.289
You're going to take 70 % of it? It's like that

01:35:30.289 --> 01:35:33.260
some places. They take a lot of your money. New

01:35:33.260 --> 01:35:35.260
York takes a big chunk. Well, there's a lot of

01:35:35.260 --> 01:35:36.760
people that believe that that's how to solve

01:35:36.760 --> 01:35:39.659
the country's woes, is to redistribute the wealth.

01:35:39.840 --> 01:35:42.439
Take the wealth away from all the wealthy people,

01:35:42.520 --> 01:35:45.420
pay 80%, 90 % in taxes, give all the money to

01:35:45.420 --> 01:35:46.920
the poor people. They're just looking at it as

01:35:46.920 --> 01:35:48.319
a numbers thing. They're not looking at it as,

01:35:48.340 --> 01:35:49.840
like, why do people make money in the first place?

01:35:50.000 --> 01:35:53.319
They have incentive. They work hard. You're not

01:35:53.319 --> 01:35:55.399
going to have equal money if you don't have equal

01:35:55.399 --> 01:35:58.000
effort. And it doesn't mean that everybody has

01:35:58.000 --> 01:36:00.119
equal opportunity, because some people, they

01:36:00.119 --> 01:36:01.880
can make a lot more money with a lot less effort.

01:36:02.890 --> 01:36:06.449
The people that can become like a Warren Buffett

01:36:06.449 --> 01:36:08.270
or one of those, they do that because there's

01:36:08.270 --> 01:36:09.829
an incentive. There's an incentive. That's the

01:36:09.829 --> 01:36:12.869
only reason why they chase that game. And if

01:36:12.869 --> 01:36:14.649
you're going to put a limit on that game and

01:36:14.649 --> 01:36:16.170
you're going to say, hey, once you get to a certain

01:36:16.170 --> 01:36:17.350
level of that game, you've got to give us all

01:36:17.350 --> 01:36:20.430
the money. You've killed all the incentive. I

01:36:20.430 --> 01:36:21.630
think it's not that's a problem. It's let's get

01:36:21.630 --> 01:36:23.350
everybody else up a little bit. Oh, yeah. This

01:36:23.350 --> 01:36:24.789
is what they should be tackling. There's ways

01:36:24.789 --> 01:36:26.489
to do it. And that's the Bernie Sanders idea

01:36:26.489 --> 01:36:29.010
of like taxing a small amount of speculative

01:36:29.010 --> 01:36:32.270
market wagers. So like when people are betting.

01:36:32.300 --> 01:36:34.500
They're going back and forth. He's talking about

01:36:34.500 --> 01:36:36.579
taking a fraction of a penny from each transaction

01:36:36.579 --> 01:36:38.399
would result in trillions of dollars a year.

01:36:38.460 --> 01:36:40.739
Wow, interesting. I know a lot of people don't

01:36:40.739 --> 01:36:43.399
like that Alexandria Cortez -Cortezio lady, but

01:36:43.399 --> 01:36:45.640
she said something at the beginning of COVID.

01:36:45.779 --> 01:36:47.020
She goes, do we have to get people back in their

01:36:47.020 --> 01:36:48.460
jobs? She goes, no, we don't have to get people

01:36:48.460 --> 01:36:50.659
back in their 60 -hour -a -week jobs barely making

01:36:50.659 --> 01:36:52.800
their ends meet. We have to change the system

01:36:52.800 --> 01:36:54.300
a little bit so we can actually live our lives.

01:36:54.420 --> 01:36:55.859
Right, but how do you do that? I don't know.

01:36:55.939 --> 01:36:58.779
The way you do that is by more bureaucracy, more

01:36:58.779 --> 01:37:02.140
people that get paid to redistribute the wealth.

01:37:02.260 --> 01:37:05.060
And if they get a grip on your money and they

01:37:05.060 --> 01:37:08.140
can say, hey, you have been too successful, so

01:37:08.140 --> 01:37:09.260
we're going to take that and give it to people

01:37:09.260 --> 01:37:10.939
that aren't successful. But that doesn't work.

01:37:11.159 --> 01:37:13.840
That's the thing that it all goes to always.

01:37:14.039 --> 01:37:15.720
Every 40 -hour work week. You've got to go to

01:37:15.720 --> 01:37:17.000
the source, though. It's antiquated. You don't

01:37:17.000 --> 01:37:18.619
get a move box in 40 hours. You get your shit

01:37:18.619 --> 01:37:20.600
done in 25 hours. Enjoy your life. I know, but

01:37:20.600 --> 01:37:21.789
they do. It has to do with homeless, too. They

01:37:21.789 --> 01:37:23.250
go, hey, we've got to give money to the homeless.

01:37:23.310 --> 01:37:25.470
You're like, the guy's still addicted to fentanyl

01:37:25.470 --> 01:37:27.649
and living dead. It doesn't suddenly change.

01:37:28.229 --> 01:37:30.670
You're not going to fix why he's mentally ill.

01:37:30.789 --> 01:37:32.750
Right. Got to go to the source. That's one of

01:37:32.750 --> 01:37:34.289
the biggest things. Every politician is like,

01:37:34.369 --> 01:37:36.250
I don't know the answer to this. Bring it up.

01:37:36.689 --> 01:37:39.409
Every city in America. It can be done in scale.

01:37:39.970 --> 01:37:43.430
It's worse than I've ever seen. Portland, SF.

01:37:43.569 --> 01:37:46.970
Get the experts on it. LA, it's crazy. Austin's

01:37:46.970 --> 01:37:49.069
not that bad. They cleaned up a lot of it, man.

01:37:49.189 --> 01:37:50.810
They used to have a lot of tents underneath the

01:37:50.810 --> 01:37:52.989
bridges. It's all gone now. Except the occasional

01:37:52.989 --> 01:37:54.930
tent that they eventually cleaned up. Where did

01:37:54.930 --> 01:37:59.170
they go? They bought hotels, moved people. These

01:37:59.170 --> 01:38:01.430
Palestinians gave them a shovel. Rent's there.

01:38:01.529 --> 01:38:03.470
It's got to be cheap. I mean, real estate money

01:38:03.470 --> 01:38:05.369
is going down real quick. Good time to invest

01:38:05.369 --> 01:38:06.869
in Palestine. We should get a house there. Who

01:38:06.869 --> 01:38:09.430
knows what the actual extent of the environmental

01:38:09.430 --> 01:38:12.630
disaster is? How long before they actually tell

01:38:12.630 --> 01:38:15.819
them the truth? Yikes. But I remember being like

01:38:15.819 --> 01:38:18.739
thinking BP was like the end of society. Don't

01:38:18.739 --> 01:38:20.880
do it, you sick son of a... We got a show tonight.

01:38:20.960 --> 01:38:23.199
Who brought the eagle? Not the eagle. Where'd

01:38:23.199 --> 01:38:26.159
you find the eagle? It was just lonely out there.

01:38:26.180 --> 01:38:29.060
Put it on J -Mo's table. Hey, do you remember

01:38:29.060 --> 01:38:32.159
when that dude who was... I'm on number six here.

01:38:32.340 --> 01:38:35.000
Who was it? The guy from the FBI that sang Let

01:38:35.000 --> 01:38:38.300
the Eagle Soar? Do you remember that guy? What

01:38:38.300 --> 01:38:41.220
was he saying? Was he the guy that was during

01:38:41.220 --> 01:38:43.359
the Obama administration? Is that what his name

01:38:43.359 --> 01:38:45.659
is? Obama. Who was it? Was he during the Bush

01:38:45.659 --> 01:38:47.819
administration? John Ashcroft. John Ashcroft.

01:38:47.960 --> 01:38:50.840
Big Ash. You ever see that guy sing? No. John

01:38:50.840 --> 01:38:53.260
Ashcroft was like the boogeyman. He was like

01:38:53.260 --> 01:38:59.000
this very creepy right -wing guy. Look at this.

01:38:59.100 --> 01:39:01.659
Look at him sing this. Yeah, I remember this.

01:39:01.939 --> 01:39:08.800
Oh, wow. This is weird. He's taking lessons.

01:39:10.840 --> 01:39:16.380
Shoot him. I've never even heard of this song.

01:39:16.399 --> 01:39:22.760
Imagine him wanting to shoot a dude from the

01:39:22.760 --> 01:39:25.199
Chappelle concert, runs up and stabs him. If

01:39:25.199 --> 01:39:28.399
he ever got attacked by an eagle. Who was John

01:39:28.399 --> 01:39:32.100
Ashcroft again? What was John Ashcroft's position?

01:39:32.720 --> 01:39:36.050
Attorney General. Yeah, everybody was freaked

01:39:36.050 --> 01:39:38.170
out about him. They were all scared of him. He

01:39:38.170 --> 01:39:41.689
was like this hardcore right -wing guy. Want

01:39:41.689 --> 01:39:43.710
to lock up all those dope smokers. One of those

01:39:43.710 --> 01:39:47.189
guys. Oh, boy. This is a wild Christian guy singing,

01:39:47.289 --> 01:39:50.930
let the eagles fly. Those guys were fun because

01:39:50.930 --> 01:39:53.029
they were the bad guy. They'd be like, rap is

01:39:53.029 --> 01:39:55.489
out of control. These are the nerds. Exactly.

01:39:55.550 --> 01:39:57.210
And now it's hard to tell. Everybody's the nerd

01:39:57.210 --> 01:39:58.970
now. Now the left is the nerds. It's funny. Those

01:39:58.970 --> 01:40:00.430
guys were like, rap's out of control. And they're

01:40:00.430 --> 01:40:02.789
like, we're going to fucking invade Iraq. Exactly.

01:40:03.229 --> 01:40:07.300
Exactly. Rap, not Iraq. What does it say? Patriot

01:40:07.300 --> 01:40:09.079
Games. Attorney General when the Patriot Act

01:40:09.079 --> 01:40:11.699
starts. Ah, that's it. There it is. Rap's bad.

01:40:11.779 --> 01:40:13.159
We're going to fucking spy on everybody. We're

01:40:13.159 --> 01:40:14.720
going to invade Iraq. We're going to blow up

01:40:14.720 --> 01:40:19.479
families. The rap thing came from Tipper Gore,

01:40:19.699 --> 01:40:22.680
Al Gore's wife. Yeah. That's wild. It was the

01:40:22.680 --> 01:40:24.619
Democrats. And then Liz Cheney kept it rolling.

01:40:24.779 --> 01:40:28.220
Did she? Yeah. She was into that? Yeah. They

01:40:28.220 --> 01:40:32.340
heard NWA, they're like, whoa. Heavy stuff. It

01:40:32.340 --> 01:40:34.079
didn't come out of nowhere. I remember listening

01:40:34.079 --> 01:40:36.380
to it on a fucking treadmill. I was like a stairmaster

01:40:36.380 --> 01:40:40.180
in Revere, Massachusetts at the gym, and I was

01:40:40.180 --> 01:40:42.699
listening to it with a Walkman, a cassette Walkman.

01:40:42.699 --> 01:40:45.359
I was like, holy shit. These guys are pretty

01:40:45.359 --> 01:40:47.239
serious. These guys are like, you've never heard

01:40:47.239 --> 01:40:50.479
music like that before? Oh, wow. No, they mean

01:40:50.479 --> 01:40:52.840
business. When I was young, I got Eminem and

01:40:52.840 --> 01:40:56.399
DMX. That was what I got. Ice Cube, fifth grade

01:40:56.399 --> 01:40:59.060
listener. DMX album. Yeah, that was heavy stuff.

01:40:59.300 --> 01:41:02.239
Rough Riders, roll! I got blood on my dick because

01:41:02.239 --> 01:41:06.340
I fucked a corpse on a school bus. I was a giant

01:41:06.340 --> 01:41:10.939
Ghetto Boys fan. I'd listen to Ghetto Boys when

01:41:10.939 --> 01:41:13.739
I delivered newspapers. My uncle that was in

01:41:13.739 --> 01:41:15.199
Vietnam, not the one I was talking about, the

01:41:15.199 --> 01:41:19.640
other uncle, he was a prison warden after Vietnam.

01:41:20.380 --> 01:41:22.979
And then he hung out with just black dudes because

01:41:22.979 --> 01:41:24.619
he was a prison warden, so everybody around him.

01:41:24.760 --> 01:41:26.479
So now he talks like that. He'll be like, what's

01:41:26.479 --> 01:41:29.479
up, Holmes? He loves the ghetto boys. He'll be

01:41:29.479 --> 01:41:32.020
out in his garage like benching ghetto boys.

01:41:33.039 --> 01:41:36.000
I did their podcast. No shit. They were super

01:41:36.000 --> 01:41:37.960
fun, super nice, but they're old now. So I'd

01:41:37.960 --> 01:41:39.520
make a gay joke and they're like, easy, man,

01:41:39.600 --> 01:41:44.960
easy. He murdered people. What the fuck? All

01:41:44.960 --> 01:41:47.939
right, do a bomb. Uh -oh. I mean, he's done whippets,

01:41:47.939 --> 01:41:50.979
weed, booze. I'm not doing a whippet. I'm not

01:41:50.979 --> 01:41:53.060
a fucking eighth grader, bro. Yeah, it doesn't

01:41:53.060 --> 01:41:55.460
seem like it's valuable. That Whippet was bad

01:41:55.460 --> 01:41:57.899
news. It lasted a short amount of time. Yeah,

01:41:57.920 --> 01:42:00.000
it's 30 seconds in and out. I like to be fucked

01:42:00.000 --> 01:42:02.619
up for a long time. I like it to ruin my week.

01:42:02.640 --> 01:42:05.039
What is Salvia? Wasn't that a quick high? That

01:42:05.039 --> 01:42:06.520
was a quick one. No, what am I thinking of? That

01:42:06.520 --> 01:42:08.319
was 10 minutes. Well, you get tripped for like

01:42:08.319 --> 01:42:10.180
five minutes. Yeah, Salvia was pretty good that

01:42:10.180 --> 01:42:12.460
way. Oh, baby. Don't give me that look, Joe.

01:42:12.760 --> 01:42:14.800
Jojo Rabbit's dipping into the bag. Don't give

01:42:14.800 --> 01:42:17.399
me that look, Joe. Sorry. Oh, yeah. A bag of

01:42:17.399 --> 01:42:20.819
candy. That perfectly legal bag of regular stuff.

01:42:21.000 --> 01:42:23.060
Yeah. I'm reaching for the one that calls me.

01:42:23.119 --> 01:42:25.600
Some spice, maybe? What was that where it, like,

01:42:25.600 --> 01:42:27.380
fucked you up? Salvia. You tripped. Was it salvia?

01:42:27.600 --> 01:42:28.699
Yeah, yeah. You get fucked up. Yeah, we talked

01:42:28.699 --> 01:42:30.199
about that the other day on the podcast. You

01:42:30.199 --> 01:42:31.659
were gone for, like, three months. Gone. Living

01:42:31.659 --> 01:42:34.720
another life. Gone. But, like, ten minutes tops,

01:42:34.880 --> 01:42:36.680
and then back. Gone. He was gone for ten minutes,

01:42:36.779 --> 01:42:38.399
but during that ten minutes, he had three months

01:42:38.399 --> 01:42:40.359
of another life. He lived another life. He had

01:42:40.359 --> 01:42:42.720
relationships and friendships. He was wild. That

01:42:42.720 --> 01:42:45.020
sounds awesome. Yeah. Way different than Whippets.

01:42:45.539 --> 01:42:47.579
Whippets is... That was legal everywhere. They

01:42:47.579 --> 01:42:49.399
missed that one. They missed salvia. Yeah, and

01:42:49.399 --> 01:42:52.479
you got 20 times, 40 times, or 60 times. You

01:42:52.479 --> 01:42:54.520
used to be able to get the most potent version

01:42:54.520 --> 01:42:56.720
of DMT on the internet. You used to be able to

01:42:56.720 --> 01:42:59.899
get five methoxy DMT on the internet. Those were

01:42:59.899 --> 01:43:01.039
the days. You used to be able to buy it. It was

01:43:01.039 --> 01:43:02.699
not for human consumption. You would buy it.

01:43:02.699 --> 01:43:05.380
It was pure from a chemical company, and they

01:43:05.380 --> 01:43:06.960
would ship it to your house enough to get the

01:43:06.960 --> 01:43:10.329
whole city high as fuck. Wow. What is DMT? What

01:43:10.329 --> 01:43:15.869
happens? Well, it's a psychedelic compound. Science

01:43:15.869 --> 01:43:20.489
Joe, activate. I can talk about this. It's dimethyltryptamine.

01:43:20.510 --> 01:43:23.710
It's actually produced by your brain, and it's

01:43:23.710 --> 01:43:25.590
a psychedelic chemical that you'd think has something

01:43:25.590 --> 01:43:27.970
to do with near -death experiences, has something

01:43:27.970 --> 01:43:30.609
to do with dreams, but it's an endogenous chemical,

01:43:30.729 --> 01:43:33.069
so it's real quick. Your body brings you back

01:43:33.069 --> 01:43:34.689
to baseline. We've got to do that next time.

01:43:35.100 --> 01:43:37.479
Yeah, what the hell? GMT? It's crazy because

01:43:37.479 --> 01:43:39.020
your brain makes it, but it's super illegal.

01:43:39.239 --> 01:43:40.920
Terrence McKenna had a great quote. He said,

01:43:40.960 --> 01:43:44.329
everybody's holding. Whoa. Holding back. No,

01:43:44.810 --> 01:43:47.390
they're holding this drug. Holding is how they

01:43:47.390 --> 01:43:49.409
talk about drugs. Are you holding? What do you

01:43:49.409 --> 01:43:51.229
got? Are you holding? Holding coffee. Everyone's

01:43:51.229 --> 01:43:53.550
holding DMT. It's so weird, the hippies I come

01:43:53.550 --> 01:43:54.590
in contact with, because some of them are like,

01:43:54.630 --> 01:43:56.270
I got mushrooms, I've grown. It's like, okay.

01:43:56.470 --> 01:43:59.010
It just seems like bathtub shit. It's like, I

01:43:59.010 --> 01:44:01.069
make my own DMT. It's like, I trust that way

01:44:01.069 --> 01:44:03.109
less than boomers. Yeah, I don't know how you

01:44:03.109 --> 01:44:04.489
make it, and who are you? I smoked it once, and

01:44:04.489 --> 01:44:06.770
it just made everything look like... video games.

01:44:06.949 --> 01:44:08.270
Oh, you didn't do it right. I didn't do it hard

01:44:08.270 --> 01:44:09.750
enough. I didn't do it hard enough the one time

01:44:09.750 --> 01:44:12.090
I did it. I was trying. I kept trying. I did

01:44:12.090 --> 01:44:14.930
it once and I was like, close. Let the eagle

01:44:14.930 --> 01:44:20.250
soar. I saw a giant caterpillar come down this

01:44:20.250 --> 01:44:22.310
tree and look at me for like two minutes and

01:44:22.310 --> 01:44:24.569
then just goes, nah. And then head back up the

01:44:24.569 --> 01:44:26.109
tree. Antisemitic. And I was like, what the fuck?

01:44:26.170 --> 01:44:27.710
Looked over at this girl that I was doing it

01:44:27.710 --> 01:44:29.970
with. She goes, I died and came back. I'm like,

01:44:30.050 --> 01:44:33.470
damn it. What the hell? Fucking bug told me no.

01:44:33.470 --> 01:44:34.869
She's lighter. Yeah, maybe that's it. Maybe she's

01:44:34.869 --> 01:44:38.789
lighter. Mushrooms got me there. Dead and come

01:44:38.789 --> 01:44:42.300
back. Wow. I ate a bunch. I was high on Molly,

01:44:42.399 --> 01:44:45.079
and I ate a bunch of them. Well, Molly and mushrooms

01:44:45.079 --> 01:44:46.960
together, it's not smart. I didn't. Yeah, I was

01:44:46.960 --> 01:44:49.039
on Molly. I wasn't making the best choices. What

01:44:49.039 --> 01:44:50.979
are you talking about? That is the purest combination.

01:44:51.020 --> 01:44:53.119
We should do Molly. If you took Molly and then

01:44:53.119 --> 01:44:54.899
a little mushrooms, it'd be pretty great. I was

01:44:54.899 --> 01:44:57.739
like, isn't this funny? Taking fucking handfuls.

01:44:57.739 --> 01:44:59.439
The only problem with mushrooms is you get a

01:44:59.439 --> 01:45:01.199
bad trip, and Molly's like, that won't happen

01:45:01.199 --> 01:45:03.880
today. Those mushrooms outweigh those mushrooms.

01:45:04.000 --> 01:45:07.529
The mushrooms destroy the Molly so quick. What

01:45:07.529 --> 01:45:09.409
about ayahuasca? Everything was good, and then

01:45:09.409 --> 01:45:10.550
all of a sudden it was like, oh. Great, and we're

01:45:10.550 --> 01:45:12.189
living like ayahuasca. Are we going to freeze?

01:45:12.909 --> 01:45:14.550
What's that? Are we going to go out there and

01:45:14.550 --> 01:45:16.689
freeze? Remember when we wanted to refresh? I

01:45:16.689 --> 01:45:18.250
think that was more of a last night thing. That

01:45:18.250 --> 01:45:20.250
was a drunk talk. That was a drunk talk? I woke

01:45:20.250 --> 01:45:21.930
up today like, I think that's going to hurt,

01:45:21.970 --> 01:45:22.869
and I don't want to do it. I took a cold shower.

01:45:23.149 --> 01:45:24.510
I'm good. It'll be fun. Will you just open up

01:45:24.510 --> 01:45:34.039
your throat? Oh, yeah. I want Ari to do it. Look

01:45:34.039 --> 01:45:37.260
at that. We're back, dude. America's back. I'm

01:45:37.260 --> 01:45:39.199
worried about you. There's a lot of drugs he's

01:45:39.199 --> 01:45:42.680
taking. He's fine. All right. He just knows how

01:45:42.680 --> 01:45:44.600
to do it. Mark, you got one. We're doing more

01:45:44.600 --> 01:45:47.359
for you. He, for some reason, can do this. That's

01:45:47.359 --> 01:45:50.220
true. He can. He's got that energy. Oh, because

01:45:50.220 --> 01:45:53.449
I'm not 12. Doesn't even look that old. Wait

01:45:53.449 --> 01:45:58.050
until the hat and the glasses go off. Oh, there

01:45:58.050 --> 01:46:02.789
we go. America! Fuck yeah! Everyone knows. We've

01:46:02.789 --> 01:46:04.449
seen the special. Dude, I was at Ren and Aziz's

01:46:04.449 --> 01:46:06.550
wedding, and you see the people coming in, but

01:46:06.550 --> 01:46:08.850
I'm on the last table. And this was 15 years

01:46:08.850 --> 01:46:11.909
ago. But did he really get married? This shiny,

01:46:11.930 --> 01:46:15.729
sorry, fucking box that was my head ruining every

01:46:15.729 --> 01:46:18.090
photograph. Sorry. What'd you say? I've heard

01:46:18.090 --> 01:46:19.430
it before. But did he actually get married? Yeah,

01:46:19.470 --> 01:46:21.609
it's pretty funny. I heard he got married, but

01:46:21.609 --> 01:46:25.689
I don't know if it's true. I like Steve. Yeah,

01:46:25.729 --> 01:46:28.869
Steve's the best. Now, ayahuasca, my friend goes

01:46:28.869 --> 01:46:31.430
like twice a year. Really? He cleans you out,

01:46:31.529 --> 01:46:35.010
sets you back to baseline. I know a great place

01:46:35.010 --> 01:46:37.409
in the middle of the jungle. Can we do it here?

01:46:37.510 --> 01:46:38.869
You always have to go to the fucking jungle.

01:46:38.869 --> 01:46:40.930
Everybody wants to go someplace. Right. Do it

01:46:40.930 --> 01:46:43.770
in your living room. Yeah. Watch Family Guy take

01:46:43.770 --> 01:46:46.630
ayahuasca. Ari hates the suburbs. Ari doesn't

01:46:46.630 --> 01:46:48.510
want to live in a nice place that's quiet. You

01:46:48.510 --> 01:46:51.199
don't like suburbs? Fuck that. Not to do fucking

01:46:51.199 --> 01:46:53.340
hardcore drugs. I love to live in New York. I

01:46:53.340 --> 01:46:55.180
love to see people. I love all the excitement.

01:46:55.420 --> 01:46:57.199
You live in New York? I live in New York and

01:46:57.199 --> 01:47:00.239
I hate it. I have to, bro. It's hard. It's hard

01:47:00.239 --> 01:47:02.500
living in New York. It's expensive. New York

01:47:02.500 --> 01:47:06.079
sucks. Boys. It does suck. Come to Texas. It's

01:47:06.079 --> 01:47:08.359
dirty. It's dirty. There's no room. Come to Texas.

01:47:08.539 --> 01:47:10.420
I was never going to come to Texas. I got those

01:47:10.420 --> 01:47:13.359
taxes and I was like, God damn. I might go to

01:47:13.359 --> 01:47:16.380
fucking Texas. You came here for six months in

01:47:16.380 --> 01:47:20.770
one day. Now we're going, Jamie. You're next,

01:47:21.069 --> 01:47:23.829
Jamie. Don't shake your head. You know you're

01:47:23.829 --> 01:47:32.010
next. Yes. Come on, Mark. Suck it. You put one

01:47:32.010 --> 01:47:33.850
in there, too. That was just one. Mark's just

01:47:33.850 --> 01:47:37.430
being fucking sally. It hurts. It hurts the throat.

01:47:37.470 --> 01:47:40.109
It hurts. Mark, you're going to have to fucking

01:47:40.109 --> 01:47:42.579
do it. We got a couple hours ahead of us here.

01:47:42.579 --> 01:47:45.140
Yeah, we're fine. We've got plenty of time, boys.

01:47:45.579 --> 01:47:47.800
Dude, let's drink at the club tonight. That is

01:47:47.800 --> 01:47:49.819
going to be fucking great. I think we go to Vulcan

01:47:49.819 --> 01:47:52.779
and then we leave immediately after Vulcan to

01:47:52.779 --> 01:47:55.500
drink and talk there. We have all of our inspections

01:47:55.500 --> 01:47:57.640
passed and we have furniture. Let's go there.

01:47:57.680 --> 01:47:59.380
We're days away. Yeah, we're going to go after

01:47:59.380 --> 01:48:01.739
the show. Yeah. All right. Yeah, we're going

01:48:01.739 --> 01:48:03.619
to go to Vulcan, do the show, and then we'll

01:48:03.619 --> 01:48:05.380
go get fucked up in that bar. I can't wait to

01:48:05.380 --> 01:48:07.100
show you guys what it looks like now. It's incredible.

01:48:07.380 --> 01:48:11.899
Hell yeah. Can't wait. It seems fake. Do you

01:48:11.899 --> 01:48:13.560
think there's booze there? Is there a bar ready?

01:48:13.760 --> 01:48:16.579
We'll get booze. If we don't have booze there,

01:48:16.640 --> 01:48:18.359
we'll get booze. Don't worry. We're going to

01:48:18.359 --> 01:48:23.420
get booze. America! Fuck yeah. We're world policing

01:48:23.420 --> 01:48:27.520
again. Yeah. We're back at it. Ari, you think

01:48:27.520 --> 01:48:28.819
you're going to stay in New York no matter what?

01:48:28.979 --> 01:48:30.840
No, I'll stay for two more years and I'll leave.

01:48:31.039 --> 01:48:33.840
Where are you going to go? Probably like... Why

01:48:33.840 --> 01:48:36.199
don't you come to Austin, bitch? I think London.

01:48:36.880 --> 01:48:39.819
London. London. Your staff's not brown enough.

01:48:40.039 --> 01:48:42.039
Why are you going to fucking other New York?

01:48:42.720 --> 01:48:44.619
That's what I did before. LA to New York. Funny

01:48:44.619 --> 01:48:47.359
voice New York. You got to be to like a, you

01:48:47.359 --> 01:48:49.399
know. Might as well move to Boston. Dublin would

01:48:49.399 --> 01:48:51.399
be sick. Dublin would be sick. Dublin's small.

01:48:51.779 --> 01:48:55.140
You want to live in London? Yeah, two spots.

01:48:55.640 --> 01:48:57.720
I like doing spots. They got good shows in London.

01:48:57.779 --> 01:49:00.250
Good shows. A lot of good shows. I'm going to

01:49:00.250 --> 01:49:02.609
Australia after you. Australia. Sydney would

01:49:02.609 --> 01:49:03.989
be a cool place to live, too. I'm doing the Sydney

01:49:03.989 --> 01:49:05.970
Opera House. Come to it. Yeah, he's doing Sydney

01:49:05.970 --> 01:49:09.149
Opera House. I saw Shane at Town Hall. It was

01:49:09.149 --> 01:49:11.130
fucking great. Thanks, bro. So cool. All those

01:49:11.130 --> 01:49:12.789
people. Wow, you watch comedy? All those people.

01:49:12.850 --> 01:49:14.689
Well, I was there. Yeah. He came. It was very

01:49:14.689 --> 01:49:16.199
nice. I just came back from some... From, like,

01:49:16.220 --> 01:49:18.039
Mexico. You got to see me. Yeah, it was right

01:49:18.039 --> 01:49:19.439
when you got back. You got to see me surrounded

01:49:19.439 --> 01:49:21.420
by all the - It was so funny to see the Jews

01:49:21.420 --> 01:49:25.180
just fucking glomming onto him. Jews? The industry.

01:49:25.380 --> 01:49:27.479
I wasn't going to say it. They talk differently.

01:49:27.619 --> 01:49:30.680
Like, Shane excited to be working with you. I'm

01:49:30.680 --> 01:49:32.340
just talking to that guy who's like, yeah, I'm

01:49:32.340 --> 01:49:34.699
the head of Netflix. I was like, oh, shit, I

01:49:34.699 --> 01:49:37.180
should have been more respectful. Arnie, I got

01:49:37.180 --> 01:49:38.399
to get to your special. Should have thrown you

01:49:38.399 --> 01:49:40.619
a yarmulke. Network people were hovering. It's

01:49:40.619 --> 01:49:42.079
because the New York Comedy Fest was all there.

01:49:42.649 --> 01:49:44.609
They're just hovering. Hovering. That's exactly

01:49:44.609 --> 01:49:46.229
right. They're trying to figure out a way to

01:49:46.229 --> 01:49:48.590
get a piece of that chain pie. It's nice when

01:49:48.590 --> 01:49:53.090
they hover. That's big. Suck it right out. Just

01:49:53.090 --> 01:49:55.560
cut me a slice. I'm giving them slices. Well,

01:49:55.560 --> 01:49:57.100
they're so mean to us at the beginning. When

01:49:57.100 --> 01:49:59.939
they hover, you're like, yeah. Me and Moshe Kasher

01:49:59.939 --> 01:50:03.520
at Montreal saw just new faces, and two old people

01:50:03.520 --> 01:50:05.119
were on both sides of him talking to him. It

01:50:05.119 --> 01:50:06.680
just looked like they were sucking the youth

01:50:06.680 --> 01:50:08.600
right out of him. That's what they do. Give it

01:50:08.600 --> 01:50:11.020
a second. Fuck yeah. It's cold. It's cold. Give

01:50:11.020 --> 01:50:14.779
it a second. That's a cold punch. That's a cold

01:50:14.779 --> 01:50:17.859
punch. Iron throat. That's a punch. Hell yeah.

01:50:18.140 --> 01:50:20.539
That's a cold snack. Uberman. That's a punch.

01:50:20.760 --> 01:50:24.989
All right, Goggins. That's a... Oh, wow. Nice.

01:50:25.550 --> 01:50:29.090
Good -looking eagle. Look at the name of this

01:50:29.090 --> 01:50:32.090
little guy. Yeah, what's his name? That's Freedom.

01:50:32.289 --> 01:50:34.350
That's Freedom, our pet eagle. There you go.

01:50:34.729 --> 01:50:38.149
You like free. Dude, is South Park the best?

01:50:38.369 --> 01:50:40.970
South Park is amazing. Because they're a cartoon,

01:50:41.369 --> 01:50:44.399
they get away with so much. I couldn't place

01:50:44.399 --> 01:50:47.100
him. Which one was it? It was Stone. It was Stone.

01:50:47.279 --> 01:50:48.840
Yeah. And I was like, who is that guy? Do you

01:50:48.840 --> 01:50:50.420
know him from basketball? Who is that guy? And

01:50:50.420 --> 01:50:51.779
you were like, you were just giving me this like,

01:50:51.840 --> 01:50:54.060
oh. That's the one guy ever. Who is it, though?

01:50:54.260 --> 01:50:56.399
We were at Louie's show at the Garden. He was

01:50:56.399 --> 01:50:59.680
there. Yeah. And I was sitting there. I was like,

01:50:59.760 --> 01:51:01.899
dude, that's him. And when you told me, I was

01:51:01.899 --> 01:51:04.600
like, oh, yes. Shane will go up and say hi. I

01:51:04.600 --> 01:51:06.020
can't do it. I'll go up and say it, but I'm pretty

01:51:06.020 --> 01:51:07.760
good at it. You are good at it. I can't. I go,

01:51:07.760 --> 01:51:09.600
yo, I'm a big fan. And then I walk away. That's

01:51:09.600 --> 01:51:11.460
the key. I get too nervous around those people.

01:51:12.140 --> 01:51:14.659
But I'm like, you should say hi. Yeah, I was

01:51:14.659 --> 01:51:16.140
like, I'm going to go do it. I just walked up

01:51:16.140 --> 01:51:19.119
to him. I said, big fan. That's it. And then

01:51:19.119 --> 01:51:21.699
walked away. And then I stared at him from eight

01:51:21.699 --> 01:51:26.720
feet away for two hours. I was going. I love

01:51:26.720 --> 01:51:28.500
you so much, dude. You meant the whole world

01:51:28.500 --> 01:51:30.840
to me. Well, they have a freedom that no one

01:51:30.840 --> 01:51:32.920
else has on television. Nobody's got it. No one

01:51:32.920 --> 01:51:34.760
has that freedom on Comedy Central. Not even

01:51:34.760 --> 01:51:36.840
close. When we used to fight for people's words

01:51:36.840 --> 01:51:38.140
on, this is not happening. We're like, they're

01:51:38.140 --> 01:51:39.960
allowed. You got to show precedent. Like, Cartman

01:51:39.960 --> 01:51:42.079
did it. Like, doesn't count. Everything else

01:51:42.079 --> 01:51:43.319
would count except Cartman. You're not South

01:51:43.319 --> 01:51:46.939
Park. Isn't that wild? Yeah. You said shit on

01:51:46.939 --> 01:51:49.359
the air. They're just grandfathered in. Not just

01:51:49.359 --> 01:51:50.800
grandfathered in. They're just the best. They're

01:51:50.800 --> 01:51:53.159
above the law. But Family Guy says some crazy

01:51:53.159 --> 01:51:55.539
shit, too. Family Guy does. Family Guy definitely

01:51:55.539 --> 01:51:58.600
does. They go hard. South Park's like, if you

01:51:58.600 --> 01:52:01.260
even come at them. They'll fucking eviscerate

01:52:01.260 --> 01:52:02.560
you. They'll do another one. The guy who put

01:52:02.560 --> 01:52:04.659
them on the map, they eviscerated. They're too

01:52:04.659 --> 01:52:06.680
good. They took George Clooney, who put them

01:52:06.680 --> 01:52:08.600
over. And we're like, sorry, dude, we got to

01:52:08.600 --> 01:52:10.640
come after you. The smug? The smug clown? You're

01:52:10.640 --> 01:52:12.100
being a douche. We got to come after you. Thank

01:52:12.100 --> 01:52:13.920
you for giving us everything we have, but we

01:52:13.920 --> 01:52:15.600
have to come after you. Bro, that Kanye, Carlos

01:52:15.600 --> 01:52:18.460
Mencia episode. Oh, he's like, I'm not funny,

01:52:18.659 --> 01:52:22.300
man. I got no dick. I got no dick, man. Oh, my

01:52:22.300 --> 01:52:24.739
God. Yeah. He's like, you don't get it? He's

01:52:24.739 --> 01:52:26.340
like, for real, you don't get it? Please get

01:52:26.340 --> 01:52:30.710
it. Please get it. Please. Leave me. You don't

01:52:30.710 --> 01:52:33.689
get it, man. It's crazy they're on cable, too.

01:52:33.810 --> 01:52:35.449
This isn't like an internet show. I know. They're

01:52:35.449 --> 01:52:37.470
on TV. But they were on cable when cable was

01:52:37.470 --> 01:52:39.930
the internet. Like, oh, it's wild there. It's

01:52:39.930 --> 01:52:42.109
wild there. It's 25 years old. They were grandfathered

01:52:42.109 --> 01:52:44.689
in like a Tarantino movie. Was it HBO at first?

01:52:44.770 --> 01:52:47.369
No, no. It was a Christmas card at first. It

01:52:47.369 --> 01:52:51.409
was a video. I got the video cassette in the

01:52:51.409 --> 01:52:55.069
90s. I was dating a girl who was an agent at

01:52:55.069 --> 01:52:56.489
William Morris, and they were passing around

01:52:56.489 --> 01:52:58.829
the office, and everybody got copies of it. And

01:52:58.829 --> 01:53:01.569
I was like, this is insane. It was so fun. It

01:53:01.569 --> 01:53:03.430
was, what would Brian Boitano do? What would

01:53:03.430 --> 01:53:05.750
Brian Boitano do? If he were here right now,

01:53:05.909 --> 01:53:08.210
he'd surely kick his ass, dude. That's what Brian

01:53:08.210 --> 01:53:10.829
Boitano would do. And it's even more primitive.

01:53:11.520 --> 01:53:13.300
Like, if you watched the animation back then,

01:53:13.319 --> 01:53:15.039
it was even more... You want to know how much

01:53:15.039 --> 01:53:17.699
I loved South Park? When we were playing basketball

01:53:17.699 --> 01:53:21.100
as kids, you know how you write stuff in marker

01:53:21.100 --> 01:53:23.779
on your shoes in basketball? Yeah. I wrote Brian

01:53:23.779 --> 01:53:30.699
Boitano. There you go. Alan Iverson. And Sharpie.

01:53:31.020 --> 01:53:34.399
Thank God for them. I know. On the trans stuff.

01:53:34.439 --> 01:53:36.420
They're the front lines. They're the front line.

01:53:36.619 --> 01:53:38.579
They're the tip of the spear. What's going on

01:53:38.579 --> 01:53:42.609
here? Give me some volume. Christmas is forgiving.

01:53:43.289 --> 01:53:46.010
I'm here to put an end to your blasphemy this

01:53:46.010 --> 01:53:50.210
time. We finish it. There can be Wendy Wendy

01:53:50.210 --> 01:54:15.159
They're just cutting up pieces of paper He's

01:54:15.159 --> 01:54:18.479
a Street Fighter character all of a sudden. Killed

01:54:18.479 --> 01:54:29.880
them all. It killed Kenny. That's the first one.

01:54:30.100 --> 01:54:33.039
Oh, really? Yeah, the first. They killed Kenny.

01:54:34.100 --> 01:54:37.340
Wow. It's also great that people like it. This

01:54:37.340 --> 01:54:39.060
would suck if people were like, we hate that

01:54:39.060 --> 01:54:40.979
show. It's shitty. But people love it. They can't

01:54:40.979 --> 01:54:42.880
say that. They entertain so many people, they

01:54:42.880 --> 01:54:44.840
just can't say it. It's too good. They keep coming

01:54:44.840 --> 01:54:46.399
after them. It's like, they stopped. Because

01:54:46.399 --> 01:54:48.000
no one bowed down. They just stopped and went

01:54:48.000 --> 01:54:49.500
away. Do you remember when they drew Muhammad?

01:54:50.180 --> 01:54:52.979
No, I mean the anger at them. Like, we're going

01:54:52.979 --> 01:54:55.039
to stop you. Remember when they drew Muhammad,

01:54:55.220 --> 01:54:57.739
but they drew Muhammad in a bear suit inside

01:54:57.739 --> 01:55:03.979
of a van? They're the NWA of comedy. They go

01:55:03.979 --> 01:55:07.239
hard. They go pretty fucking hard. They also,

01:55:07.319 --> 01:55:09.420
every time I watch the episode, I go, fuck, I

01:55:09.420 --> 01:55:11.859
was wrong. I'm gay. They're right. Yeah. Because

01:55:11.859 --> 01:55:15.760
I had any opinion. They hit both sides. So if

01:55:15.760 --> 01:55:17.079
you're like, yeah, you're attacking the other

01:55:17.079 --> 01:55:19.000
side, and they turn it to your side, and you're

01:55:19.000 --> 01:55:22.460
like, ah, damn it. Damn. I'm lame. And then you

01:55:22.460 --> 01:55:25.039
see, you saw the documentary. Yeah. You know,

01:55:25.060 --> 01:55:26.760
and they're just sitting in a room like, ah,

01:55:27.020 --> 01:55:28.399
the clock's ticking. We've got to figure out

01:55:28.399 --> 01:55:30.899
an angle here. It was the fucking, it was the.

01:55:32.210 --> 01:55:35.270
human centipede one where he's like, Kyrie! A

01:55:35.270 --> 01:55:38.810
cuttlefish? Exactly. And then when you're like,

01:55:38.850 --> 01:55:40.909
maybe I should pull back on my comedy. I go too

01:55:40.909 --> 01:55:42.109
dark. And then you see that and you're like,

01:55:42.170 --> 01:55:45.380
no! Fuck it! It's fun. Yeah. Yeah, the thing

01:55:45.380 --> 01:55:47.800
about it is that it's cartoons, and they're not

01:55:47.800 --> 01:55:49.859
even remotely realistic cartoons, so you can

01:55:49.859 --> 01:55:53.260
get away with so much. And they never age. Not

01:55:53.260 --> 01:55:55.340
only gets too old. No, they age one year once.

01:55:55.579 --> 01:55:57.699
Really? That was it. They went to fourth grade.

01:55:58.220 --> 01:56:01.000
Miss Chokes on Dick? It's like we can get a whole

01:56:01.000 --> 01:56:04.020
new set of teachers now, aging one year. Wow.

01:56:04.140 --> 01:56:06.840
They're also right. That's the hard part. Remember

01:56:06.840 --> 01:56:09.279
when the teacher had a war off with Paracel?

01:56:10.279 --> 01:56:13.260
Mr. Shave? Shove her up his ass. He was just

01:56:13.260 --> 01:56:16.699
so casual waiting. No, that's Horry. Mr. Shave?

01:56:16.699 --> 01:56:18.300
No, that's for sure Horry. Okay, let me show

01:56:18.300 --> 01:56:20.479
you now. I learned about Rim Job from South Park.

01:56:21.100 --> 01:56:26.039
What a show. The PC prints, all of it. They've

01:56:26.039 --> 01:56:29.680
been on for what now? 25 years? 26 years? Literally

01:56:29.680 --> 01:56:32.680
my whole life. 1997, I think. Freshman year of

01:56:32.680 --> 01:56:34.720
college for me. I was thinking about it this

01:56:34.720 --> 01:56:37.039
week when I was watching the new episode. I was

01:56:37.039 --> 01:56:39.000
like, when this ends, I'm going to be fucking

01:56:39.000 --> 01:56:41.579
sad. This has been my whole life. I wonder if

01:56:41.579 --> 01:56:43.399
they're ever going to end. They will eventually.

01:56:44.119 --> 01:56:47.300
Seems like they enjoy it. I mean, it's so funny.

01:56:47.359 --> 01:56:49.380
They have to be having a good time. Two where

01:56:49.380 --> 01:56:50.399
they could be like, we're taking three years

01:56:50.399 --> 01:56:51.920
off, and anybody, like, whatever you want to

01:56:51.920 --> 01:56:54.020
do. Like Curb. Whenever you want to come back,

01:56:54.020 --> 01:56:56.619
you're welcome to. It's funny because, like,

01:56:56.680 --> 01:56:58.460
if you give people the freedom to do whatever

01:56:58.460 --> 01:57:00.159
the fuck you want, you get a South Park, but

01:57:00.159 --> 01:57:02.359
they're never going to do that again. It was

01:57:02.359 --> 01:57:04.899
Colin Quinzel, keynote address at Montreal. He

01:57:04.899 --> 01:57:07.619
was like, industry, if you got it right half

01:57:07.619 --> 01:57:10.600
the time, I could understand you talking. But

01:57:10.600 --> 01:57:14.300
you're right never. Don't you just want to shut

01:57:14.300 --> 01:57:16.680
up and let us fail on our terms? That's why the

01:57:16.680 --> 01:57:19.699
internet's great. We can just go to that. When

01:57:19.699 --> 01:57:21.300
are you going to say the pendulum's going to

01:57:21.300 --> 01:57:25.060
swing back? Well, the pendulum is good for us,

01:57:25.060 --> 01:57:28.000
though. The pendulum not swinging back is good

01:57:28.000 --> 01:57:31.500
for the internet. Imagine if this show was on

01:57:31.500 --> 01:57:33.640
Comedy Central. Imagine the notes we would get.

01:57:33.819 --> 01:57:36.340
Like this? We're doing whippets. We're doing

01:57:36.340 --> 01:57:39.060
bong hits. We may or may not have done mushrooms.

01:57:39.800 --> 01:57:41.640
Nobody did mushrooms. Nobody did mushrooms, though.

01:57:42.399 --> 01:57:44.039
Mushrooms are bad. Comedy Central was right in

01:57:44.039 --> 01:57:45.680
this case because we did not do mushrooms. We

01:57:45.680 --> 01:57:47.180
definitely did not because those are not legal.

01:57:47.359 --> 01:57:48.640
They'd have a lot of notes, though. We need more

01:57:48.640 --> 01:57:51.920
gays than just Jamie. It was so weird fighting

01:57:51.920 --> 01:57:53.920
with them. Jamie. Oh, this one's yours, Jamie.

01:57:54.119 --> 01:57:56.119
Oh, yeah, Jamie. We hand that to Big Jamie. Yeah,

01:57:56.140 --> 01:57:58.399
J -Mo. J -Mo, you got to get in on this, big

01:57:58.399 --> 01:58:00.079
dog. Come on, you big knife. You got to get in

01:58:00.079 --> 01:58:02.899
on this, big dog. Come on. Yeah, he's playing

01:58:02.899 --> 01:58:04.739
it for himself, hitting the music for himself.

01:58:05.500 --> 01:58:12.039
J -Mo gets fired up. Come on, J -Mo. Fire it

01:58:12.039 --> 01:58:15.140
up, J -Mo. Look at how fast he sucks. J -Mo rules.

01:58:15.279 --> 01:58:19.199
J -Mo rules. That's Columbus, Ohio in the fucking

01:58:19.199 --> 01:58:24.000
house. Pull this motherfucker up. Hell yeah.

01:58:24.000 --> 01:58:28.560
Suck on my balls. Underrated as a bro. J -Mo.

01:58:28.579 --> 01:58:30.539
J -Mo's the bro, man. Dude, when I see J -Mo

01:58:30.539 --> 01:58:32.640
walk into a room, I go, yeah. J -Mo's the bro.

01:58:32.819 --> 01:58:34.899
He's ever done it with it. He's jacked and he's

01:58:34.899 --> 01:58:37.579
quiet. He's the fucking Michael Jordan of podcast

01:58:37.579 --> 01:58:40.109
producers. He cries. He's even close. He's the

01:58:40.109 --> 01:58:45.890
goat. He fucking burps hard. Yeah. Great arms.

01:58:45.949 --> 01:58:49.130
He moved it away. Huge dick. Last night, I was

01:58:49.130 --> 01:58:50.470
trying to talk him into going to a strip club.

01:58:50.529 --> 01:58:52.810
He was like, gotta work. Yeah, he wouldn't do

01:58:52.810 --> 01:58:54.489
it. And he wanted to go. I could tell he wanted

01:58:54.489 --> 01:58:56.489
to hang out with me and drink. You can't go down

01:58:56.489 --> 01:58:57.850
that road. And he didn't want to do it. You hired

01:58:57.850 --> 01:59:00.350
the right guy. You got a good guy. I'm at a comedy

01:59:00.350 --> 01:59:05.130
club. I was trying all my tactics. America! Shane

01:59:05.130 --> 01:59:07.050
has good tactics. I'm pretty good at peer pressure.

01:59:07.270 --> 01:59:10.239
The main one is just, you won't. Yeah, you just

01:59:10.239 --> 01:59:12.159
got to do that for an hour. And then I'm about

01:59:12.159 --> 01:59:14.460
to be like, I got to get out of here last night

01:59:14.460 --> 01:59:16.560
before this goes south. It went south. I have

01:59:16.560 --> 01:59:18.460
my commitment. It doesn't work with women. My

01:59:18.460 --> 01:59:19.920
one hour in front of the computer commitment.

01:59:20.159 --> 01:59:21.600
I've tried that with girls. It did go south.

01:59:21.779 --> 01:59:23.779
It did go south. Actually, that was the first

01:59:23.779 --> 01:59:26.119
time. That was actually, it went north. It went

01:59:26.119 --> 01:59:28.060
north. It was pretty fun. It went northwest.

01:59:28.680 --> 01:59:31.420
Nick's the shit. Nick's a good dude. Nick's a

01:59:31.420 --> 01:59:33.640
good egg. Nick is. He looks like if Bart Simpson

01:59:33.640 --> 01:59:38.100
grew up. He's a good dude. He's a solid dude.

01:59:38.779 --> 01:59:41.420
Like, when the club opens up, I'm 100 % committed

01:59:41.420 --> 01:59:43.960
to still doing Vulcan. Really? Yeah, I want to

01:59:43.960 --> 01:59:46.500
do that, too. That's competition. Nah, not really.

01:59:46.819 --> 01:59:48.739
There's no competition in comedy. I don't believe

01:59:48.739 --> 01:59:50.060
it. There's more sets and less sets. I don't

01:59:50.060 --> 01:59:51.760
believe it. I believe that's like competition,

01:59:51.880 --> 01:59:54.100
like doing someone else's podcast is like competition.

01:59:54.340 --> 01:59:58.939
I don't believe it. No. No. Oh, shit. Should

01:59:58.939 --> 02:00:01.619
I be here? We flipped the script. The internet

02:00:01.619 --> 02:00:03.699
flipped the script. Did you do one yet? Yeah.

02:00:03.800 --> 02:00:05.600
Yeah, you're up, Gil. 100%, bro. He's already

02:00:05.600 --> 02:00:08.829
five years in. Yeah. Okay, I was waiting for

02:00:08.829 --> 02:00:10.909
it to cool off. I know. Are you three beers in

02:00:10.909 --> 02:00:13.489
here? Cool off a little. No, four plus this one.

02:00:13.590 --> 02:00:16.390
Jesus Christ. I want six. Come on. Yeah, he's

02:00:16.390 --> 02:00:18.850
going to have whiskey. Where's this bodega cat?

02:00:19.729 --> 02:00:22.550
You got to wait until it kicks in. You got to

02:00:22.550 --> 02:00:27.590
wait for the right time. Still holds up. Get

02:00:27.590 --> 02:00:31.909
at it, baby. Look at that neck. Fuck yeah. All

02:00:31.909 --> 02:00:33.489
right. I'm going to get a new song. Freedom is

02:00:33.489 --> 02:00:35.810
the only way. No, no, don't get a new song. No,

02:00:35.810 --> 02:00:38.409
no, no, no, no. That's our song, man. Hey, can

02:00:38.409 --> 02:00:41.090
you prepare me an ice cold? Okay, you want a

02:00:41.090 --> 02:00:43.289
freedom burger? An ice cold bong? Hey, I'm going

02:00:43.289 --> 02:00:45.010
to piss. Try not to say anything. All right,

02:00:45.149 --> 02:00:47.989
I'll be roguing on the pisser. Hey, Marky. Yeah,

02:00:48.090 --> 02:00:53.569
you've lost it, old man. Fuck yeah. Yes. I just

02:00:53.569 --> 02:00:56.210
hit my butt and suck on my balls. Mancia was

02:00:56.210 --> 02:00:59.829
right about him. Dude, how much has Mancia ruled?

02:01:00.710 --> 02:01:03.770
Oh, man, he's a funny guy. I actually opened

02:01:03.770 --> 02:01:06.329
for him once. He was very nice. Come on. I swear

02:01:06.329 --> 02:01:09.529
to God. Really? The Second Street Comedy Club

02:01:09.529 --> 02:01:12.229
in Harrisburg. They have two clubs there? They

02:01:12.229 --> 02:01:15.050
did. It failed pretty quick. Yeah, yeah. And

02:01:15.050 --> 02:01:19.270
I was the only host. I did the sound, the lights,

02:01:19.310 --> 02:01:21.729
and the hosting. You did the turn your cell phones

02:01:21.729 --> 02:01:24.939
off? No. There was no announcements. I was drunk

02:01:24.939 --> 02:01:27.680
doing the hosting. I was doing the announcements

02:01:27.680 --> 02:01:29.560
from the piano. The piano player wasn't there

02:01:29.560 --> 02:01:30.739
at the comic store. I was like, guys, turn your

02:01:30.739 --> 02:01:34.380
phones off. Make sure to be there. Be quiet.

02:01:35.239 --> 02:01:37.359
Hey, we had an earthquake last week. Aren't earthquakes

02:01:37.359 --> 02:01:43.899
weird? I was like, no! No! I had to open for

02:01:43.899 --> 02:01:47.020
a comic. I don't want to name him. But he...

02:01:47.279 --> 02:01:49.819
He played, he was like, I want my intro song

02:01:49.819 --> 02:01:52.640
to be Sex on Fire by Kings of Leon. I like that

02:01:52.640 --> 02:01:57.000
song. Of course. God, you're a fucking loser.

02:01:57.220 --> 02:02:00.520
It is actually a great song, but it's gay to

02:02:00.520 --> 02:02:03.949
say you like it. That's what you got to take

02:02:03.949 --> 02:02:05.890
to your grave. And that can't be your bring -up

02:02:05.890 --> 02:02:08.270
music. Yeah, as an intro song in comedy. I've

02:02:08.270 --> 02:02:11.590
been doing Black Skinhead. Intro songs. See,

02:02:11.689 --> 02:02:13.569
that's corny. You can't pick a too cool of a

02:02:13.569 --> 02:02:15.930
song. It's so cool. It's just the beat up front.

02:02:16.170 --> 02:02:18.989
Yeah. I don't want to fucking do it. I come out

02:02:18.989 --> 02:02:22.989
to Tops Drop by Fat Pat. There you go. You know

02:02:22.989 --> 02:02:28.409
who else comes out to that? Who? Who's the black

02:02:28.409 --> 02:02:31.439
dude, heavyweight? My balls was hot. Lavelle

02:02:31.439 --> 02:02:35.359
Crawford. No, no, no. Derek Lewis. H -Town. It's

02:02:35.359 --> 02:02:38.300
a Houston classic. Derek's the man. That's what

02:02:38.300 --> 02:02:40.699
he comes out to. The best come out music was

02:02:40.699 --> 02:02:42.920
Homer Simpson, Why Can't We Be Friends. Listen

02:02:42.920 --> 02:02:45.960
to how good this is as an intro song. Wait till

02:02:45.960 --> 02:02:51.300
it kicks in. You should do that bomb when it

02:02:51.300 --> 02:03:00.659
hits in. Mark's got it. Ooh, that is catchy.

02:03:01.000 --> 02:03:04.279
That's fun, right? This is not too serious. This

02:03:04.279 --> 02:03:12.479
is Fat Pat. Oh, shit. This is Mr. Pat. That's

02:03:12.479 --> 02:03:14.840
a classic. That's a classic. That's a great one.

02:03:15.079 --> 02:03:17.279
You know, my favorite was, I didn't know the

02:03:17.279 --> 02:03:21.060
UFC that well, but when Wonderboy fought Tyron

02:03:21.060 --> 02:03:26.329
Woodley. I rarely watched UFC. Yeah. And then

02:03:26.329 --> 02:03:28.850
Wonderboy came out to fucking Tenacious D, Wonderboy.

02:03:29.670 --> 02:03:34.149
Good for him. And he was fighting Woodley, who

02:03:34.149 --> 02:03:36.869
at the time was just a yoked fucking black dude.

02:03:37.010 --> 02:03:39.050
Tough guy. And then you see this karate guy coming

02:03:39.050 --> 02:03:41.329
out to Tenacious D, and I was like, come on,

02:03:41.329 --> 02:03:45.789
brother. Please. Give us one. He's a good fighter,

02:03:45.829 --> 02:03:47.850
though. Who, Wonderboy? Yeah, Wonderboy's the

02:03:47.850 --> 02:03:49.289
man. Yeah, he's fucking unreal. Wonderboy's the

02:03:49.289 --> 02:03:51.409
man. But I think he did lose that one. I think

02:03:51.409 --> 02:03:55.300
it was a draw. Oh. I think it was a draw. All

02:03:55.300 --> 02:03:58.319
right. But there was one point where Woodley

02:03:58.319 --> 02:04:01.520
had him in the deepest guillotine you've ever

02:04:01.520 --> 02:04:03.659
seen. Then he popped his head out, and it was

02:04:03.659 --> 02:04:05.819
like, ah. Ah, Whitey. It was a great fight. There

02:04:05.819 --> 02:04:08.600
was two great fights. That was McGregor versus

02:04:08.600 --> 02:04:12.039
Alvarez, was it? I think it was that night. I

02:04:12.039 --> 02:04:15.000
think the best fight is Gagey versus Michael

02:04:15.000 --> 02:04:17.500
Johnson. It's a fucking bloodbath. Ooh, that's

02:04:17.500 --> 02:04:18.960
a great fight. That's a great fight. That was

02:04:18.960 --> 02:04:21.659
Gaethje's first fight in the UFC. What? No way.

02:04:21.760 --> 02:04:23.859
Yeah, it was. Yeah, Gaethje had come over from

02:04:23.859 --> 02:04:26.340
the PFL. He was the PFL champion, and he came

02:04:26.340 --> 02:04:29.760
over to the UFC, and it was, like, one of the

02:04:29.760 --> 02:04:32.079
most exciting prospects. I remember thinking,

02:04:32.159 --> 02:04:35.699
like, this guy's wild. He goes down, like, twice,

02:04:35.720 --> 02:04:37.500
but comes back up. He's the most violent guy

02:04:37.500 --> 02:04:39.939
in the most violent sport. He's my favorite fighter

02:04:39.939 --> 02:04:42.000
to watch. Gaethje? Gaethje? Oh, my God. Diaz,

02:04:42.000 --> 02:04:45.140
dude. Well, Diaz is a fun personality, fun -loving

02:04:45.140 --> 02:04:48.659
guy. He's a character. He's a car. The last several

02:04:48.659 --> 02:04:50.220
fights he's been in have been fun. I was at his

02:04:50.220 --> 02:04:52.500
fight with Epstein where he fucking gave the

02:04:52.500 --> 02:04:54.819
fingers. We were sitting there. We're like, what?

02:04:55.479 --> 02:04:58.699
Epstein. Our jujitsu guy. Jesus Christ. Epstein.

02:04:58.960 --> 02:05:01.279
Epstein. Oh, yeah, the jujitsu guy. Epstein.

02:05:01.699 --> 02:05:04.260
Oh. You know him. Oh, yeah. I thought you were

02:05:04.260 --> 02:05:06.680
saying he's fighting Epstein. And he was like,

02:05:06.760 --> 02:05:09.539
what? Oh, you were with Epstein. Yeah. He was

02:05:09.539 --> 02:05:12.130
giving the fingers. He was like, what? That's

02:05:12.130 --> 02:05:16.930
not part of it. Him versus Rocky. Marciano. No.

02:05:16.949 --> 02:05:18.890
Leon Edwards. Him versus Leon Edwards. Oh, yeah.

02:05:19.069 --> 02:05:21.489
So he catches doing a triangle. He knows. He's

02:05:21.489 --> 02:05:24.029
all right. Flexes. Yeah, that's fun. He's got

02:05:24.029 --> 02:05:25.850
two minutes left. There's zero chances. Full

02:05:25.850 --> 02:05:28.789
on lock on the triangle. He doesn't have to grab

02:05:28.789 --> 02:05:31.310
his head. It's over. That was my favorite. Joe,

02:05:31.470 --> 02:05:33.880
that was like my favorite call you did. Was him

02:05:33.880 --> 02:05:35.920
walking, he's walking towards him like a fucking

02:05:35.920 --> 02:05:38.279
horror movie. He knows his luck. He's banged

02:05:38.279 --> 02:05:41.140
up, just like still walking. That was 08. Yeah.

02:05:41.579 --> 02:05:44.060
Holy moly. He was the younger brother then. Yeah.

02:05:44.100 --> 02:05:45.979
He wasn't his own man yet. That's a good point.

02:05:46.020 --> 02:05:48.380
Yeah, you're right. But still, wicked jiu -jitsu.

02:05:48.819 --> 02:05:51.310
Nasty jiu -jitsu. Purple belt. Does he still

02:05:51.310 --> 02:05:53.329
say that? What? He was saying he was a purple

02:05:53.329 --> 02:05:55.409
belt for a long time. Was he? I'd be like, shut

02:05:55.409 --> 02:05:59.029
up, dude. Just a purple belt. That's fine. He

02:05:59.029 --> 02:06:01.430
landed on Leon, the slap and the straight. Oh,

02:06:01.430 --> 02:06:03.390
my God. When he hit him with that straight left

02:06:03.390 --> 02:06:07.340
hand, he's like, ooh. Gotcha, bitch. See, that's

02:06:07.340 --> 02:06:08.699
why it's the fun of sport, because they have

02:06:08.699 --> 02:06:11.680
personalities. The Dolphins are just the Dolphins.

02:06:11.800 --> 02:06:14.319
Nah, you'd be surprised. Well, you showed me

02:06:14.319 --> 02:06:17.399
some Jalen Hurts. They didn't let him fucking

02:06:17.399 --> 02:06:20.100
go nuts on air anymore. Yeah, they contain those

02:06:20.100 --> 02:06:22.520
guys. They're trying to sell sponsors. They've

02:06:22.520 --> 02:06:25.720
contained them for a while, but now there's Twitter.

02:06:26.529 --> 02:06:28.890
True. You know he's a flat earther now. After

02:06:28.890 --> 02:06:31.609
that game. Yeah. That helps. Well, eventually

02:06:31.609 --> 02:06:33.250
they all become flat earthers. They get dinged

02:06:33.250 --> 02:06:34.989
in the head. What music does Nate come out to?

02:06:34.989 --> 02:06:36.390
The sky's not real. What does he come out to?

02:06:36.409 --> 02:06:37.670
I don't know. What does Nate Diaz come out to?

02:06:37.670 --> 02:06:38.329
I'll tell you what he comes out to. I'll take

02:06:38.329 --> 02:06:40.529
a California Love and then switch to something.

02:06:40.649 --> 02:06:43.229
California Love. Too short? 99 Bitches? 99 Red

02:06:43.229 --> 02:06:50.449
Balloons. West Coast. Luftwaffe. Yeah. Yeah,

02:06:50.510 --> 02:06:53.050
walkout music's important. Oh, yeah. I love when

02:06:53.050 --> 02:06:55.550
a Brazilian comes out and just whistles and drums

02:06:55.550 --> 02:06:57.970
and bullshit. I was in Brazil with Rogan, our

02:06:57.970 --> 02:07:00.369
first Brazil fight, and they were all chanting.

02:07:00.550 --> 02:07:02.609
Nate Diaz walked up to a mashup of four songs.

02:07:02.850 --> 02:07:05.770
Oh, wow. Could you mash up? Could you play it?

02:07:05.829 --> 02:07:10.930
DMX, Lil Wayne, Drake. Wow. He had four songs.

02:07:10.930 --> 02:07:16.449
And Tupac. Interesting. Wow. Interesting. Hit

02:07:16.449 --> 02:07:19.689
it, J -Mo. So you just fucking mixed it all up.

02:07:19.710 --> 02:07:21.829
The way I am was at the garden. I was at that

02:07:21.829 --> 02:07:24.890
one. Whoa. That was pretty sick. That was the

02:07:24.890 --> 02:07:27.789
fucking bad motherfucker belt, which I wish they

02:07:27.789 --> 02:07:31.369
hadn't done. The bad motherfucker belt sucked.

02:07:31.689 --> 02:07:33.789
It sucked. It was like they were too aware of

02:07:33.789 --> 02:07:38.510
it. It was kind of fun, though. That's his mashup.

02:07:39.050 --> 02:07:42.250
Masvidal comes out. There's not much like a world

02:07:42.250 --> 02:07:44.609
championship walkout at the UFC. Sometimes I

02:07:44.609 --> 02:07:46.529
take my headset off. Like when I'm sitting there

02:07:46.529 --> 02:07:48.310
doing commentary, when someone's walking out,

02:07:48.350 --> 02:07:49.970
I just take my headset off. Just to take it in.

02:07:50.210 --> 02:07:55.010
Just to take it in. I'm a fan, man. I'm a professional

02:07:55.010 --> 02:07:57.609
fan. He comes out to Scarface, which is fucking

02:07:57.609 --> 02:08:01.090
sick. One of the cool things about being a UFC

02:08:01.090 --> 02:08:04.289
commentator is I'm just like a professional fan.

02:08:05.740 --> 02:08:08.220
He came out to DMX, right? Didn't Anderson come

02:08:08.220 --> 02:08:12.039
out to DMX? I like the gi, because they look

02:08:12.039 --> 02:08:15.220
like nerds, and then they kick ass. Olden days.

02:08:15.420 --> 02:08:17.960
We were at a fight. Ain't no sunshine. That's

02:08:17.960 --> 02:08:19.680
a classic. That's a good one. That's a classic.

02:08:20.500 --> 02:08:25.079
What's this? Is Anderson's walking out? Ain't

02:08:25.079 --> 02:08:29.180
no sunshine. Bill Withers. Yeah, Bill Withers

02:08:29.180 --> 02:08:31.479
was the fucking man. He died during COVID and

02:08:31.479 --> 02:08:33.060
everyone was like, he's alive? He made me so

02:08:33.060 --> 02:08:37.420
sad. I love that guy's music. He's great. That

02:08:37.420 --> 02:08:40.880
song, Use Me? Yes. Oh my God, that's such a good

02:08:40.880 --> 02:08:45.140
song. That was in, you know what was nice? I'm

02:08:45.140 --> 02:08:49.000
fucked up. What? They put it in Any Given Sunday.

02:08:49.159 --> 02:08:51.859
You ever see that movie? Yeah. Awesome. Pacino.

02:08:51.939 --> 02:08:55.319
What's his name? Hal Pacino. The old quarterback,

02:08:55.659 --> 02:08:57.760
Cap Rooney. He's like the veteran all -star.

02:08:57.979 --> 02:09:00.479
He was hurt, and then he comes back in the playoffs,

02:09:00.520 --> 02:09:02.939
and they play Use Me. It's such a perfect song.

02:09:03.180 --> 02:09:06.739
It's like a guy whose body's destroyed. It's

02:09:06.739 --> 02:09:09.619
like you keep on using it. RG3. That's what my

02:09:09.619 --> 02:09:16.920
wife says. Use Me. How nice is this? Oh, what

02:09:16.920 --> 02:09:19.520
a great song this is. Boy, you pulled out a quick

02:09:19.520 --> 02:09:25.539
game. Perfect for a geezer quarterback that's

02:09:25.539 --> 02:09:29.140
getting fucking hurt. Good catch on the song.

02:09:30.340 --> 02:09:35.579
Let me just hear just the song. Let's go to the

02:09:35.579 --> 02:09:50.739
ball and it plays it. You think football players

02:09:50.739 --> 02:09:53.079
watch this and go like the way we watch stand

02:09:53.079 --> 02:09:54.920
-up in movies? Probably. It's like, that's not

02:09:54.920 --> 02:09:58.619
the way it is. Everything. Movies fuck up everything.

02:10:00.140 --> 02:10:01.680
Movies fuck up everything. They do. There's no

02:10:01.680 --> 02:10:04.539
way they get it right. Like every boxing movie.

02:10:05.539 --> 02:10:07.880
Every time someone plays pool in a movie. He

02:10:07.880 --> 02:10:10.159
hated Whiplash. That movie Whiplash was so fucking

02:10:10.159 --> 02:10:12.199
sick. It was such a good movie. Great movie.

02:10:12.359 --> 02:10:13.800
But she was like, he's a jazz musician. He goes,

02:10:13.840 --> 02:10:16.220
there's no jazz competitions. He just couldn't

02:10:16.220 --> 02:10:18.840
get over that. Oh, yeah, I get it. The same way

02:10:18.840 --> 02:10:21.399
we couldn't get over fucking lockers and punchline.

02:10:22.420 --> 02:10:25.340
Kumite's. No. And kickboxer. The Kumite with

02:10:25.340 --> 02:10:27.260
Jean -Claude Van Damme. Yeah, that's right. Oh,

02:10:27.260 --> 02:10:29.800
yeah. And you're like, no, we don't do that.

02:10:30.180 --> 02:10:32.720
Is that Bloodsport? Yeah, Bloodsport. You're

02:10:32.720 --> 02:10:34.319
right, you're right. That's how I am with football

02:10:34.319 --> 02:10:36.479
movies. It just ruins. I get it. There's like

02:10:36.479 --> 02:10:39.000
a giant hit on every play. That would be the

02:10:39.000 --> 02:10:41.279
biggest hit of the entire season. Remember the

02:10:41.279 --> 02:10:45.189
movie Warrior? The movie Warrior. To fight with

02:10:45.189 --> 02:10:47.710
one hand tied behind your back? No, no, no. That's

02:10:47.710 --> 02:10:52.470
Red Belt. That's Warriors with Tom Hardy. The

02:10:52.470 --> 02:10:54.850
movie Warrior, they fight two days in a row.

02:10:55.010 --> 02:10:57.850
I was in the movie theater. I was like, you can't.

02:10:58.119 --> 02:11:00.680
You're killing me. These guys would be swollen

02:11:00.680 --> 02:11:03.239
up. Their faces would look like watermelons.

02:11:03.260 --> 02:11:05.460
They'd be so busted up. Yeah, they're fine the

02:11:05.460 --> 02:11:07.239
next day. There's not a fucking chance you're

02:11:07.239 --> 02:11:08.800
fighting two days in a row. Yeah, but look at

02:11:08.800 --> 02:11:11.460
those hot guys. He's good. Too many guys are

02:11:11.460 --> 02:11:13.720
getting flatlined and you're fucking getting

02:11:13.720 --> 02:11:15.119
elbowed in the face. Who's that guy on the right?

02:11:15.319 --> 02:11:19.060
That's his brother. He's a hot guy. They're all

02:11:19.060 --> 02:11:22.619
hot guys. A couple of hugs. It wasn't the worst

02:11:22.619 --> 02:11:25.720
movie, but there's a suspension of disbelief

02:11:25.720 --> 02:11:28.229
that's required. I don't know how to open up

02:11:28.229 --> 02:11:31.149
my throat, but this guy just sips it for a while.

02:11:31.430 --> 02:11:33.590
You don't know how to open up your throat because

02:11:33.590 --> 02:11:36.510
you poisoned it with whippets. Finish it. It's

02:11:36.510 --> 02:11:43.529
done. I'm enjoying the show. You're so sad. I'm

02:11:43.529 --> 02:11:45.670
going to hit the bathroom again with some of

02:11:45.670 --> 02:11:49.239
these bottles. Yeah, I think they do that with

02:11:49.239 --> 02:11:53.020
military, too. They have all these side -by -sides

02:11:53.020 --> 02:11:57.100
of a real green versus the movie. There's a movie

02:11:57.100 --> 02:11:58.920
where it's like everybody's fucking Hispanic

02:11:58.920 --> 02:12:01.619
and black and a lady. And they're like, here's

02:12:01.619 --> 02:12:04.159
the squad it was based off of. It's five chubby

02:12:04.159 --> 02:12:07.380
dudes with beards. Yes. Train killers. Afghanistan.

02:12:08.260 --> 02:12:11.239
Right, exactly. They have the woman general.

02:12:11.739 --> 02:12:14.659
Oh, man, they fucked that up. God, they fucked

02:12:14.659 --> 02:12:16.920
that up. They love doing that. They love doing

02:12:16.920 --> 02:12:19.060
that in movies. Yeah, the woman in construction.

02:12:19.319 --> 02:12:23.140
The woman who's in control. like a fucking diner

02:12:23.140 --> 02:12:25.439
shitty diner for hot dogs and we walked by a

02:12:25.439 --> 02:12:28.340
Lifetime original like billboard and it was two

02:12:28.340 --> 02:12:31.520
female cops with like guns out with like a male

02:12:31.520 --> 02:12:34.720
cop sergeant behind them and Rogan goes Lifetime

02:12:34.720 --> 02:12:41.060
is sci -fi for women oh that's good it's science

02:12:41.060 --> 02:12:44.840
fiction total fiction that's a bit that's what

02:12:44.840 --> 02:12:47.539
it felt like we were the ones who were like the

02:12:47.539 --> 02:12:51.560
fucking beat up guys. We're Charlie's Angels.

02:12:51.720 --> 02:12:53.260
They always are like, man of the world, we're

02:12:53.260 --> 02:12:55.199
toxic, but then they just do it in the movie.

02:12:55.420 --> 02:12:59.300
We're going to do karate. And then we'll do karate

02:12:59.300 --> 02:13:02.140
and we'll pay our own bills. And the big guy

02:13:02.140 --> 02:13:05.239
tried to beat me up and I was like, no way. There's

02:13:05.239 --> 02:13:08.979
nothing funnier than karate with pumps on. It's

02:13:08.979 --> 02:13:11.479
hard enough to do karate barefoot. You're wearing

02:13:11.479 --> 02:13:13.720
pumps. And then the movie bombs, but then Fifty

02:13:13.720 --> 02:13:16.199
Shades of Grey is like a bestseller. Isn't that

02:13:16.199 --> 02:13:18.600
crazy? The Fifty Shades of Grey thing is so nuts.

02:13:18.840 --> 02:13:22.159
They love it. My buddy said that he was like

02:13:22.159 --> 02:13:24.439
on dating apps or dating girls at the time. He's

02:13:24.439 --> 02:13:26.399
like, dude, girls want me to spit in their mouth

02:13:26.399 --> 02:13:28.239
now, like out of nowhere. Who said that? I was

02:13:28.239 --> 02:13:30.819
like, what? I'll tell you later. Okay, okay,

02:13:30.979 --> 02:13:34.699
okay. Somebody. He was realizing what was happening

02:13:34.699 --> 02:13:37.039
because of Fifty Shades of Grey, that women were

02:13:37.039 --> 02:13:39.779
into getting choked and spit on and stuff. Oh,

02:13:39.779 --> 02:13:42.800
yeah. And he was like out of nowhere. It's like

02:13:42.800 --> 02:13:44.920
the movie changed fantasies. It changed the game.

02:13:45.539 --> 02:13:50.140
Definitely. The billionaire who's like a bad

02:13:50.140 --> 02:13:53.899
boy, but you get to control. Yeah. It's never

02:13:53.899 --> 02:13:56.279
a poor guy. It's got to be a millionaire. McCusker

02:13:56.279 --> 02:13:58.800
had a funny joke about that. He was a fucking

02:13:58.800 --> 02:14:00.560
plumber. Everybody would be like, God damn, that

02:14:00.560 --> 02:14:03.279
guy's a rapist. That's what I'm saying. Some

02:14:03.279 --> 02:14:05.000
guy in a trailer that was like, I'm going to

02:14:05.000 --> 02:14:07.140
beat the hell out of you. Yeah. It's never a

02:14:07.140 --> 02:14:09.600
janitor. But the guy with the fucking private

02:14:09.600 --> 02:14:13.840
jet, I'm good. Good choice. Good choice, old

02:14:13.840 --> 02:14:15.699
man. J -Mo, you're coming up soon. J -Mo, you're

02:14:15.699 --> 02:14:19.439
up. He can take them down like Chinatown. I'm

02:14:19.439 --> 02:14:20.819
just disappointed that you guys don't want to

02:14:20.819 --> 02:14:24.079
do the cold plunge. That was part of the plan

02:14:24.079 --> 02:14:25.979
last night. I know, but I put my hand in that

02:14:25.979 --> 02:14:28.640
last time. It sucks. That's the whole point.

02:14:28.779 --> 02:14:32.140
It hurts. It sucks. I've never done a cold plunge

02:14:32.140 --> 02:14:34.520
in my life. Let's go. It ain't fun. Let me black

02:14:34.520 --> 02:14:38.979
out. Let my body go numb. Yeah, there you go.

02:14:38.979 --> 02:14:40.760
It'll wake you up, too. If you're in a blackout

02:14:40.760 --> 02:14:42.859
and you cold plunge, you'll be up and at them.

02:14:47.550 --> 02:14:49.689
That's West Point, baby. Hey, not to bring this

02:14:49.689 --> 02:14:56.630
down, but I was reading this article today. I

02:14:56.630 --> 02:14:59.109
was reading this article today about a slaughterhouse

02:14:59.109 --> 02:15:02.489
that got fined for having too many children working

02:15:02.489 --> 02:15:04.630
there. Now we're talking. Children working in

02:15:04.630 --> 02:15:05.970
a slaughterhouse? That wasn't bad. And so then

02:15:05.970 --> 02:15:09.090
I read this article that was researching this

02:15:09.090 --> 02:15:11.630
slaughterhouse as one of the worst safety records

02:15:11.630 --> 02:15:14.850
in the entire country. This slaughterhouse, they've

02:15:14.850 --> 02:15:18.109
had decapitations there. A bunch of people have

02:15:18.109 --> 02:15:23.039
died. People got decapitated. More than 100 children

02:15:23.039 --> 02:15:24.760
have been discovered to be illegally employed

02:15:24.760 --> 02:15:27.579
by a slaughterhouse cleaning firm across the

02:15:27.579 --> 02:15:30.000
country. Federal authorities and the Department

02:15:30.000 --> 02:15:32.279
of Labor announced that a federal investigation

02:15:32.279 --> 02:15:36.220
found Wisconsin -based Packers Sanitation Services

02:15:36.220 --> 02:15:39.409
employed at least 102 children. Now, who are

02:15:39.409 --> 02:15:41.489
these hero kids that are like, I'll do this at

02:15:41.489 --> 02:15:45.250
13? These kids are animals. Ranging from 13 to

02:15:45.250 --> 02:15:49.310
17 years old. Get a job. To work overnight shifts

02:15:49.310 --> 02:15:52.329
at 13 meat processing facilities. Can you imagine

02:15:52.329 --> 02:15:55.409
being 13 and you're cleaning saws? These are

02:15:55.409 --> 02:15:58.149
good kids. Bone saws and brisket saws and head

02:15:58.149 --> 02:16:00.029
splitters. That's how we're going to beat Russia.

02:16:00.670 --> 02:16:03.149
Right. Send over these fucking 13 -year -olds.

02:16:03.149 --> 02:16:06.050
Look at this. A 14 -year -old child worked at

02:16:06.050 --> 02:16:09.630
a Nebraska facility from 11 p .m. to 5 a .m.,

02:16:09.630 --> 02:16:12.630
five to six days a week. Good kids. From December

02:16:12.630 --> 02:16:16.510
2021 to April 2022, clean machines used to cut

02:16:16.510 --> 02:16:20.300
meat. Wow. At one point, the child fell asleep

02:16:20.300 --> 02:16:22.720
in class and also missed class after suffering

02:16:22.720 --> 02:16:25.960
injuries as a result of chemical burns. Several

02:16:25.960 --> 02:16:27.899
other children were also reported to have suffered

02:16:27.899 --> 02:16:30.520
from chemical burns. Holy fuck, man. Good for

02:16:30.520 --> 02:16:34.079
them. Yeah. Tough kid. $1 .5 million in civil

02:16:34.079 --> 02:16:35.579
penalties. It's funny. If there's different guests

02:16:35.579 --> 02:16:37.540
on here right now, they'd give us a lot more

02:16:37.540 --> 02:16:39.559
weight. Look at this stuff. Look at this. Go

02:16:39.559 --> 02:16:42.579
back up. Scroll. Look at this. The Department

02:16:42.579 --> 02:16:46.520
of Labor assessed them $15 ,000 for each minor

02:16:46.520 --> 02:16:49.340
injury. aged employee. That's it. $15 ,000. It's

02:16:49.340 --> 02:16:51.700
worth it. A year? So according to the news release,

02:16:51.760 --> 02:16:55.879
the PSSI had paid 1 .5 million civil money penalties.

02:16:56.559 --> 02:16:58.479
And the Palestine thing, I think they sent like

02:16:58.479 --> 02:17:00.500
25 grand. They're like, here you go. Wait, do

02:17:00.500 --> 02:17:02.780
you know what 1 .5 million is? It means 20 cases

02:17:02.780 --> 02:17:05.760
of it. He's only been fined 20 times. How do

02:17:05.760 --> 02:17:08.379
you like that? Good math. Yeah. Once you put

02:17:08.379 --> 02:17:09.659
the dollar sign, I can do the math. There you

02:17:09.659 --> 02:17:14.479
go. America. You're up, buddy. You're that guy,

02:17:14.500 --> 02:17:16.079
man. You're that guy who wants everybody to be

02:17:16.079 --> 02:17:19.180
as fucked up as you. I'm sober as a bird. Come

02:17:19.180 --> 02:17:21.239
on, come on, come on. Get in there. I'm sober

02:17:21.239 --> 02:17:24.540
as a bird. Are birds sober? No birds. This is

02:17:24.540 --> 02:17:28.430
the most sober I've been in all of these. There

02:17:28.430 --> 02:17:30.950
you go, J -Mo. I mean, this guy's a beast. Wow.

02:17:31.950 --> 02:17:34.409
This might be a sloppy. Like, you're going to

02:17:34.409 --> 02:17:36.270
be talking. Camera's going to be on me. It's

02:17:36.270 --> 02:17:41.229
a mess. JB's over there spinning, dizzy. Hell

02:17:41.229 --> 02:17:43.489
yeah. Are we doing the gravity bomb? Lick my

02:17:43.489 --> 02:17:45.270
butt and suck on my butt. Who's doing the gravity

02:17:45.270 --> 02:17:47.010
bomb? Don't even bring that. We're going to be

02:17:47.010 --> 02:17:48.389
done. Don't bring that out. It's like Gomez.

02:17:48.950 --> 02:17:50.850
It's done. Just go pee. You can't stand up. It'll

02:17:50.850 --> 02:17:52.809
ruin the show. Don't bring up the gravity. We

02:17:52.809 --> 02:17:54.690
can barely stand up. See him standing up with

02:17:54.690 --> 02:17:57.850
his little pigeon toe. Squeezing his giant balls

02:17:57.850 --> 02:18:00.110
and dick together between his legs. God damn.

02:18:00.190 --> 02:18:02.250
You've seen it. I've seen his dick a thousand

02:18:02.250 --> 02:18:03.969
times. It's a wild package. He's got a giant

02:18:03.969 --> 02:18:05.770
hog. Talk about how nice your dick is. He's got

02:18:05.770 --> 02:18:09.030
a giant hog. It's big. I wouldn't say it's nice.

02:18:09.110 --> 02:18:12.569
It looked like a wizard's wand. It's all crooked.

02:18:12.889 --> 02:18:17.870
It's got tree bark. Tree bark. Little knots in

02:18:17.870 --> 02:18:21.450
it. It's got knots. God damn. There's a little

02:18:21.450 --> 02:18:24.030
gnome in there. A wizard's wand. That thing was

02:18:24.030 --> 02:18:27.750
fucked up. I saw it like two hours ago. Yeah.

02:18:27.850 --> 02:18:29.530
Yeah, I'll show it to you anytime you want. It's

02:18:29.530 --> 02:18:30.469
a real bag of tricks. He used to pull that on

02:18:30.469 --> 02:18:33.649
stage. Yeah, he did. I would. Yeah. If I had

02:18:33.649 --> 02:18:36.159
a dog, dude, I've got a little fucking... nubs

02:18:36.159 --> 02:18:38.700
sticking out same not showing anyone that thing

02:18:38.700 --> 02:18:41.639
especially high pressure situations yeah the

02:18:41.639 --> 02:18:45.260
worst I had a girl one time or an old lady I

02:18:45.260 --> 02:18:47.739
fucked and she was like I was taking my belt

02:18:47.739 --> 02:18:48.879
off and she goes you better not have a small

02:18:48.879 --> 02:18:51.659
dick and I'm like Jesus where do we go from here

02:18:51.659 --> 02:18:54.600
I mean I got what I got old ladies are nice to

02:18:54.600 --> 02:18:58.090
have sex with ah she was a squirter Ew. Yeah.

02:18:58.909 --> 02:19:01.889
Old lady who's incontinent. Old lady squirters.

02:19:01.889 --> 02:19:04.790
Yeah. Old lady piss. Metapixel and prune juice

02:19:04.790 --> 02:19:07.649
coming at me. Every asparagus she's ever eaten

02:19:07.649 --> 02:19:11.010
in her life is in that piss. I felt like I was

02:19:11.010 --> 02:19:12.989
on duty. She's like, I have eight kids, four

02:19:12.989 --> 02:19:16.350
grandkids. Oh my God. You gotta please me. Four

02:19:16.350 --> 02:19:19.850
grandkids. Who the fuck did you fuck? She was

02:19:19.850 --> 02:19:27.040
Puerto Rican. She was like 19. Who was this lady,

02:19:27.180 --> 02:19:31.959
dude? Some gal I met back in the old days. She

02:19:31.959 --> 02:19:36.559
had grandchildren. You missed it, Ari. She had

02:19:36.559 --> 02:19:39.340
grandchildren, and he has to please her. Yeah,

02:19:39.479 --> 02:19:41.280
it was wild. She said, you better not have a

02:19:41.280 --> 02:19:43.379
small dick, and then she pissed all over him.

02:19:43.459 --> 02:19:45.959
I was like 25. I went to work. I clocked in.

02:19:46.059 --> 02:19:51.040
I had a hard hat on. Wow. Oh, my God. But, I

02:19:51.040 --> 02:19:52.540
mean, my sheets were ruined, and I was poor.

02:19:53.500 --> 02:19:56.239
Lived at an Ikea bed. How much did she squirt?

02:19:56.420 --> 02:19:58.879
Oh, my God. It was wild. We had to sleep in the

02:19:58.879 --> 02:20:00.799
corner of the bed after because it was just so

02:20:00.799 --> 02:20:02.840
ruined. Squirters are nuts. And it was cold in

02:20:02.840 --> 02:20:05.879
my room. I fucked a squirter once. I pulled her

02:20:05.879 --> 02:20:07.379
jeans around her ankles, and she's like, no,

02:20:07.399 --> 02:20:09.000
no, I got to walk home from here. You got to

02:20:09.000 --> 02:20:11.940
take them all the way off. Whoa. Wow. I like

02:20:11.940 --> 02:20:14.719
a squirt. It shows you did some stuff. I like

02:20:14.719 --> 02:20:18.579
when they don't tell you. Even better. When they

02:20:18.579 --> 02:20:20.459
lie and say this has never happened before. Yeah.

02:20:20.600 --> 02:20:22.659
Now the better that rooster tail coming at you.

02:20:22.659 --> 02:20:27.579
How much of it is piss? Zero. 10%. Zero? Zero.

02:20:28.299 --> 02:20:30.639
No, I think it's a lot. I think it's a bunch.

02:20:30.639 --> 02:20:32.559
I think it's most of it. I think everything that's

02:20:32.559 --> 02:20:35.559
not piss is just residue. Either way, I'll take

02:20:35.559 --> 02:20:37.819
it. Sam Tripoli's joke. He goes, you ever been

02:20:37.819 --> 02:20:40.219
pissed on by a man? She's like, no. To some girl

02:20:40.219 --> 02:20:41.399
in the crowd, he goes, you ever shower with a

02:20:41.399 --> 02:20:43.399
man? Then you've been pissed off. Oh, that's

02:20:43.399 --> 02:20:47.600
funny. I'm a big shower whiz guy. Shower whiz.

02:20:47.620 --> 02:20:49.059
Yeah, I think everybody is. Yeah, who doesn't

02:20:49.059 --> 02:20:51.860
pee in the shower? I think it's just made for

02:20:51.860 --> 02:20:54.239
you. Yeah. It happens every single time. You

02:20:54.239 --> 02:20:56.760
think women do it? 100%. They let it run down

02:20:56.760 --> 02:20:58.500
their legs like a dude. They get to pee standing

02:20:58.500 --> 02:21:00.940
up for the first time. Why wouldn't they? They're

02:21:00.940 --> 02:21:03.159
showering. Water's flowing. You got to pee. Let

02:21:03.159 --> 02:21:05.559
it go. It's pretty hot. It's just water. It's

02:21:05.559 --> 02:21:08.750
pretty hot. I like to think about it. Yeah. My

02:21:08.750 --> 02:21:12.049
ex loved a shower fuck. Really? Which I didn't

02:21:12.049 --> 02:21:13.750
love. It's uncomfortable. It's awkward. It's

02:21:13.750 --> 02:21:15.569
not the right positions. It's dangerous. The

02:21:15.569 --> 02:21:18.149
water's a little slippery. It causes chafing.

02:21:18.149 --> 02:21:21.610
A little chafe. Juices you need. Love a good

02:21:21.610 --> 02:21:23.770
juice. Love a juice. You're going to need some

02:21:23.770 --> 02:21:26.389
juices down there. This juice is loose. People

02:21:26.389 --> 02:21:28.500
practice fucking everywhere. Try it everywhere.

02:21:28.680 --> 02:21:30.739
I fucked in the ocean once. That doesn't work.

02:21:31.040 --> 02:21:33.540
That's crazy. Salt water gets in a lady's fucking

02:21:33.540 --> 02:21:36.879
pussy. Salt water gets in your dick hole. You

02:21:36.879 --> 02:21:39.340
get salt water in your dick hole. Beach is the

02:21:39.340 --> 02:21:41.280
worst. We thought we were slick. It was very

02:21:41.280 --> 02:21:43.739
obvious. Yeah. I've done that. Just being a lady

02:21:43.739 --> 02:21:46.940
just out there like. You try to have a conversation.

02:21:47.000 --> 02:21:49.620
You try to like fake it. We're not fucking here.

02:21:49.659 --> 02:21:51.500
Hey, look at the sun. It's so beautiful. We're

02:21:51.500 --> 02:21:53.739
obviously fucking. So glad we're here. How about

02:21:53.739 --> 02:21:56.530
that Fauci? You gotta fake it. Yeah, it's not

02:21:56.530 --> 02:21:59.129
good. Ever see Gavin's video a long time ago

02:21:59.129 --> 02:22:01.590
about how to pee in public? Rousdale? No, and

02:22:01.590 --> 02:22:02.909
he was like, it was like showing you how to pee

02:22:02.909 --> 02:22:05.129
in public. It was so funny. And he's like, you

02:22:05.129 --> 02:22:06.850
gotta pretend like you're, he's like, I said

02:22:06.850 --> 02:22:09.690
sell at 45. And his dick's out. He's like, you

02:22:09.690 --> 02:22:11.750
don't sell at 50, you sell at 45. And he's just

02:22:11.750 --> 02:22:13.389
pissing. It's all these different ways. Yeah,

02:22:13.389 --> 02:22:14.709
newspaper rolled up. I thought it was a newspaper.

02:22:14.969 --> 02:22:17.370
Yeah, it rolled up through the newspaper. Great

02:22:17.370 --> 02:22:20.409
diversions. That was a funny video. There's so

02:22:20.409 --> 02:22:21.950
many guys pissing in the streets and cities.

02:22:22.149 --> 02:22:24.450
Oh, yeah. I've done it. I've done it. I've got

02:22:24.450 --> 02:22:25.829
to find a place to piss. I think I pissed last

02:22:25.829 --> 02:22:28.370
night in the city. Where'd you go? Just wherever.

02:22:28.450 --> 02:22:30.920
There's so many alleys in Austin. New York, you

02:22:30.920 --> 02:22:32.299
got to find a place where it's like no one's

02:22:32.299 --> 02:22:34.340
on the street. No one's behind me. I got like

02:22:34.340 --> 02:22:35.639
two minutes. And once you commit, you're like,

02:22:35.739 --> 02:22:37.899
look, I'm peeing. Yeah, you can't pinch it. Somebody

02:22:37.899 --> 02:22:39.799
finds you like, sorry, I'm pissing in public.

02:22:40.020 --> 02:22:41.760
Yeah. They're going to look down on me. I'm in

02:22:41.760 --> 02:22:43.440
Bourbon Street. Do you know that in some places,

02:22:43.459 --> 02:22:45.299
if you get caught pissing in public, if you're

02:22:45.299 --> 02:22:47.420
like close to a school, they say you're a sex

02:22:47.420 --> 02:22:49.559
offender and they can write you up as someone

02:22:49.559 --> 02:22:51.920
who's exposing himself. I've heard of this. I

02:22:51.920 --> 02:22:55.079
know a guy who got in trouble because he went

02:22:55.079 --> 02:22:57.459
outside of a pool hall to take a piss and it

02:22:57.459 --> 02:22:59.280
was like really close to a school. I'll tell

02:22:59.280 --> 02:23:02.969
you what. If I was a sex offender, I'd be like...

02:23:03.319 --> 02:23:06.260
I was just pissing. I was just pissing. Well,

02:23:06.639 --> 02:23:08.979
I think he actually was just taking a piss, though.

02:23:09.180 --> 02:23:10.399
You had your dick out. Are you sure? I was just

02:23:10.399 --> 02:23:12.780
taking a piss. I'm not sure. If I was a sex offender,

02:23:12.799 --> 02:23:15.299
I'd go, I was taking a piss. These motherfuckers.

02:23:15.360 --> 02:23:16.780
I feel like if that's something you do, you do

02:23:16.780 --> 02:23:17.639
it more than just once. He said I was whacking

02:23:17.639 --> 02:23:19.420
off at the playground. I wasn't doing it. When

02:23:19.420 --> 02:23:21.739
you're 34, you just decide to go show everybody

02:23:21.739 --> 02:23:23.920
your dick. We got a friend who got in trouble

02:23:23.920 --> 02:23:25.959
fucking in a car at a Texas penal school. That's

02:23:25.959 --> 02:23:30.479
got interesting wording. Okay. Someone commits

02:23:30.479 --> 02:23:33.000
disorderly conduct when he or she exposes. He

02:23:33.000 --> 02:23:35.879
exposes his anus or genitals in a public place

02:23:35.879 --> 02:23:40.860
and is reckless about whether another person

02:23:40.860 --> 02:23:43.399
may be present who will be offended or alarmed

02:23:43.399 --> 02:23:45.000
by his act. I knew you would be alarmed or offended.

02:23:45.040 --> 02:23:47.659
Notice how they say his act. They say genitals,

02:23:47.659 --> 02:23:49.579
but they don't say vagina or an asshole of a

02:23:49.579 --> 02:23:51.920
girl. His act. It should be their act. It says

02:23:51.920 --> 02:23:53.860
his act. Now they know what they're doing. Interesting.

02:23:53.879 --> 02:23:55.399
Also, they know no one's going to be offended

02:23:55.399 --> 02:23:58.879
by a nice fat pussy at the playground. Nice fat

02:23:58.879 --> 02:24:00.799
pussy pissing all over the place. You know we

02:24:00.799 --> 02:24:03.729
do. Pissing on a seal. Disgusting pussy while

02:24:03.729 --> 02:24:08.870
I was a child. Harry Potter. Squirting on a seesaw.

02:24:09.030 --> 02:24:10.930
Oh, that's hot. Dude, it was so great. Fucking

02:24:10.930 --> 02:24:12.569
Weinstein talking to everybody about fucking

02:24:12.569 --> 02:24:15.309
science shit. And then Shane and me and Egan

02:24:15.309 --> 02:24:17.389
and Tony are just setting each other disgusting

02:24:17.389 --> 02:24:19.549
pictures over air drops. I was so jealous. I

02:24:19.549 --> 02:24:21.530
was like, I want to be over there. Oh, it was

02:24:21.530 --> 02:24:23.809
so funny. When Weinstein sat down on the floor.

02:24:23.809 --> 02:24:25.790
He just doesn't know how to hang. When he sat

02:24:25.790 --> 02:24:29.209
down on the floor like a mermaid. I was like,

02:24:29.329 --> 02:24:34.270
I was drinking. The thing about comics is, if

02:24:34.270 --> 02:24:36.750
something is funny, we're going to concentrate

02:24:36.750 --> 02:24:39.989
on that. And he kept trying to bring up this

02:24:39.989 --> 02:24:42.590
point, and we're like, no, no, no. I can't forget

02:24:42.590 --> 02:24:46.170
about the fact the way you're sitting. Rogan's

02:24:46.170 --> 02:24:47.790
trying to focus on him, but he's looking at us

02:24:47.790 --> 02:24:49.129
laughing. He's like, I want to be there. Jamie,

02:24:49.149 --> 02:24:53.649
could you bring up the mermaid sculpture in Denmark?

02:24:54.879 --> 02:24:56.920
You think it's the same what? I know it's the

02:24:56.920 --> 02:24:59.940
same way. Once I went to piss and I came back

02:24:59.940 --> 02:25:01.639
and he was still doing it, I was like, you gotta

02:25:01.639 --> 02:25:03.500
let it go. These guys are not listening anymore.

02:25:03.780 --> 02:25:08.040
Adam went to take a piss. Yep, that's exactly

02:25:08.040 --> 02:25:10.979
the post. That is exactly the post. He was there,

02:25:11.000 --> 02:25:14.260
that's him. But fatter and jewier. He was doing

02:25:14.260 --> 02:25:15.379
that and I was sitting there going. It's fun

02:25:15.379 --> 02:25:19.059
getting smart guys drunk. Really smart guys that

02:25:19.059 --> 02:25:21.790
get drunk. Right. He was having fun. Have a good

02:25:21.790 --> 02:25:23.790
time. He was having fun. He went off. He had

02:25:23.790 --> 02:25:25.129
a great time at the show, too. The Fibonacci

02:25:25.129 --> 02:25:27.389
sequence is not what it's cracked up to be. The

02:25:27.389 --> 02:25:30.950
Hadron Collider. Laughing hard at the show. He

02:25:30.950 --> 02:25:32.790
was having fun. Those guys never let loose on

02:25:32.790 --> 02:25:35.829
that level. Never. I'm excited to do stand -up

02:25:35.829 --> 02:25:39.010
tonight. Oh, I forgot. It's going to be fun.

02:25:39.229 --> 02:25:42.270
That's going to be fun. Mark, do one more bong.

02:25:42.290 --> 02:25:45.190
Last night was amazing. Hold on. Let me get this

02:25:45.190 --> 02:25:49.319
whiskey down first. So exciting. That was fucking

02:25:49.319 --> 02:25:52.000
sick. Yeah, it's ridiculous. You missed the ending.

02:25:52.159 --> 02:25:55.600
Probably better you left. You stopped doing the

02:25:55.600 --> 02:25:58.920
fucking Q &As. Yeah. I liked those. I do those

02:25:58.920 --> 02:26:00.659
sometimes. I like those. I still do them sometimes.

02:26:00.739 --> 02:26:02.559
I love a Q &A. But that was a long -ass show.

02:26:02.799 --> 02:26:05.659
By the time I got on stage, I was five people

02:26:05.659 --> 02:26:07.559
in. It's wild. You let an hour and a half go,

02:26:07.680 --> 02:26:09.879
a full show go before you get on. I've done two

02:26:09.879 --> 02:26:12.319
hours before. I don't go on stage until two hours

02:26:12.319 --> 02:26:14.459
into the show. Yikes. Yeah, but we're just trying

02:26:14.459 --> 02:26:15.719
to do something out here. Trying to have some

02:26:15.719 --> 02:26:17.979
fun. The crowds are awesome. They're having a

02:26:17.979 --> 02:26:18.520
good time. That was my favorite part of your

02:26:18.520 --> 02:26:20.020
show, though, because you do the whole show,

02:26:20.100 --> 02:26:21.860
and then there's a bunch of people that are there

02:26:21.860 --> 02:26:24.440
to see you that are like, This is Joe Rogan.

02:26:24.479 --> 02:26:25.920
Then you'd be like, all right, you have any questions?

02:26:26.040 --> 02:26:28.180
They'd be like, yeah. You'd be like, shut up,

02:26:28.180 --> 02:26:32.680
dumbass. Dude. You'd see a dude's life just get

02:26:32.680 --> 02:26:36.079
destroyed. Oh, yeah. Joe did this when we were

02:26:36.079 --> 02:26:37.879
touring. Before there was any internet clips

02:26:37.879 --> 02:26:39.860
or anything like that, he would set up two mics

02:26:39.860 --> 02:26:42.379
on the aisles. He'd say, come and ask me a question.

02:26:42.559 --> 02:26:44.879
Never recorded. And it was like, good question,

02:26:44.940 --> 02:26:46.379
good question. And then he would do exactly that.

02:26:46.799 --> 02:26:49.139
You suck. Fuck you. It was a dumbass question.

02:26:49.139 --> 02:26:50.860
Someone's fucking your wife. And they're like,

02:26:50.959 --> 02:26:55.090
no. You guys get aggressive. Yeah. Some guys,

02:26:55.129 --> 02:26:56.889
they get aggressive. They ask you stupid questions.

02:26:56.909 --> 02:26:58.370
What are you doing, stupid? They try to show

02:26:58.370 --> 02:27:00.510
their knowledge of your life. Yeah. You know,

02:27:00.629 --> 02:27:04.270
like, you say Terry's is the best. Shut up. Shut

02:27:04.270 --> 02:27:06.329
up, dummy. That's not a real question. You got

02:27:06.329 --> 02:27:08.290
it? Oh, look at him. You did it fast that way.

02:27:08.350 --> 02:27:10.469
Oh, shit. Although you're still holding it like

02:27:10.469 --> 02:27:11.930
there's stuff left in there. I know. That's how

02:27:11.930 --> 02:27:13.110
he holds it. I don't trust him. Maybe a little

02:27:13.110 --> 02:27:16.350
left. You know who I saw do that first time?

02:27:16.610 --> 02:27:18.639
Seinfeld. When I went to see Seinfeld, I was

02:27:18.639 --> 02:27:20.520
19 years old. I went to see Seinfeld in Boston.

02:27:20.819 --> 02:27:23.819
And he did this thing. He did a set. This is

02:27:23.819 --> 02:27:25.639
like when Seinfeld wasn't really Seinfeld yet.

02:27:25.739 --> 02:27:28.180
He wasn't like, he was just a really known stand

02:27:28.180 --> 02:27:30.860
-up comic. Was it 88? Yeah, somewhere around

02:27:30.860 --> 02:27:33.239
that. No, it was actually earlier than that.

02:27:33.280 --> 02:27:35.000
Oh, wow. It was because I hadn't done stand -up

02:27:35.000 --> 02:27:40.020
yet. So it had to be 87. Because, yeah, it was

02:27:40.020 --> 02:27:44.479
like, I was probably 19 or 20. And I went, and

02:27:44.479 --> 02:27:46.520
he did stand -up, and then after he did stand

02:27:46.520 --> 02:27:49.659
-up, he would ask questions and then go in and,

02:27:49.780 --> 02:27:52.479
like, it seemed like bits. He had, like, bits

02:27:52.479 --> 02:27:54.899
on there. It was like he was just riffing. Right.

02:27:54.940 --> 02:27:56.559
And I was like, this is amazing. This guy's just

02:27:56.559 --> 02:27:59.579
riffing all these things that people were, like,

02:27:59.579 --> 02:28:02.659
bringing up about subjects. And I guess that's

02:28:02.659 --> 02:28:04.680
how it would help him write. Yeah, yeah. And

02:28:04.680 --> 02:28:06.120
come up with new subjects. I did that with Jew.

02:28:06.559 --> 02:28:07.959
I was like, what do you guys always want to know

02:28:07.959 --> 02:28:10.040
about Jewish people? Right. We used to do that.

02:28:10.059 --> 02:28:13.319
Ask a Jew at the store. That's good. And then

02:28:13.319 --> 02:28:15.040
eventually I'd be like, okay, this is definitely

02:28:15.040 --> 02:28:17.659
what non -Jews don't know about us. This is the

02:28:17.659 --> 02:28:19.680
bits I got to write. Can we do that now? I got

02:28:19.680 --> 02:28:21.520
questions. We can do it now. We'll do it this

02:28:21.520 --> 02:28:23.020
damn one night. We'll do it this damn one night.

02:28:23.260 --> 02:28:27.680
What's with the wigs? Loopholes. It's all loopholes.

02:28:27.920 --> 02:28:29.860
You can't be attracted to another woman's wife,

02:28:30.079 --> 02:28:32.659
another man's wife, and hair is something they're

02:28:32.659 --> 02:28:35.260
attracted to? So the Jewish, intelligent Jewish

02:28:35.260 --> 02:28:36.920
women are like, what if it's someone else's hair?

02:28:37.100 --> 02:28:40.760
What about tits? They cover those up. What a

02:28:40.760 --> 02:28:43.879
bummer. What about great floppy Jewish tits?

02:28:43.979 --> 02:28:46.659
They're so good. Floppy? Jew globes are the best

02:28:46.659 --> 02:28:49.399
globes. Big Jewish flops. Globes? You call them

02:28:49.399 --> 02:28:52.379
globes? Jew globes. Jewish ladies do have wonderful

02:28:52.379 --> 02:28:54.600
tits. They do. Underrated. Part about Judaism.

02:28:54.920 --> 02:28:58.680
Great tits on Jewish tits. Yeah. You know what

02:28:58.680 --> 02:29:01.420
else? I like the nose. You like that? I love

02:29:01.420 --> 02:29:03.780
the honker. I like a big nose on a lady. Why

02:29:03.780 --> 02:29:05.559
do you like a big nose on a lady? I don't know.

02:29:05.659 --> 02:29:07.879
Something about it. I do, too. I like it. Hot.

02:29:07.979 --> 02:29:09.819
The show's character. Barbra Streisand was hot.

02:29:10.780 --> 02:29:14.159
Disgusting. She was young. She was hot. Pull

02:29:14.159 --> 02:29:16.319
up a young Barbra Streisand. We'll pull up a

02:29:16.319 --> 02:29:17.239
young Barbra Streisand. Look at this fucking

02:29:17.239 --> 02:29:20.219
scarecrow you're about to see. No, she's hot.

02:29:20.260 --> 02:29:22.500
She was sexy. All right, you're reverting to

02:29:22.500 --> 02:29:24.379
your act. She had clear skin and a disgusting

02:29:24.379 --> 02:29:27.959
face. Is this your bit? No. Of course she was

02:29:27.959 --> 02:29:30.260
hot. I thought about her. She's a hebe. Scarlett

02:29:30.260 --> 02:29:32.079
Johansson's a hebe. Look at this girl. She was

02:29:32.079 --> 02:29:35.319
hot. Go left one. Go left one. Beautiful eyes.

02:29:35.319 --> 02:29:38.020
She was hot, dude. Look at those eyes. Shut up.

02:29:38.120 --> 02:29:41.200
Shut up. That's it. You don't think she was hot?

02:29:41.260 --> 02:29:43.200
You're out of your fucking mind. She's cross

02:29:43.200 --> 02:29:46.280
-eyed. She's inbred. I like that. I dated a girl

02:29:46.280 --> 02:29:47.979
who had a wonky eye. I was attracted to wonky

02:29:47.979 --> 02:29:50.799
eyes for years. Yeah. She told me to leave the

02:29:50.799 --> 02:29:54.020
fucking white snake tape behind. It's hot. They

02:29:54.020 --> 02:29:57.040
look like aliens. She's hot, dude. King of the

02:29:57.040 --> 02:30:01.719
wonk, guys. You don't think she's hot? No. She's

02:30:01.719 --> 02:30:04.620
so hot. What are you guys talking about? Oh,

02:30:04.620 --> 02:30:06.280
dude, you're out of your mind. Well, she's like

02:30:06.280 --> 02:30:08.540
100 there. Look at her face there. I like that

02:30:08.540 --> 02:30:11.989
lady. That's a hot lady. No. She's hot, dude.

02:30:12.149 --> 02:30:13.829
You're crazy. What about Sarah Jessica Parker?

02:30:13.829 --> 02:30:17.069
Look how close her eyes are. Ari, stop. That's

02:30:17.069 --> 02:30:19.170
unnatural. Ari, stop. Look at her eyes. You're

02:30:19.170 --> 02:30:20.329
out of your mind. You're doing this again. You

02:30:20.329 --> 02:30:22.090
keep doing this. Look at her eyes. These are

02:30:22.090 --> 02:30:24.069
your people. So hot. Why don't you love your

02:30:24.069 --> 02:30:26.469
people? You do this a lot. You pretend to. Dude,

02:30:26.469 --> 02:30:29.229
she's never been hot. That's a hot. Look at that.

02:30:29.549 --> 02:30:32.530
If you saw her tomorrow at the grocery store.

02:30:32.569 --> 02:30:35.139
She was hot. She was hot. Pull up Sarah Jessica

02:30:35.139 --> 02:30:38.100
Parker as a youth. God, I love Sarah Jessica

02:30:38.100 --> 02:30:40.239
Parker. Not too young. I'm talking like eight.

02:30:41.040 --> 02:30:43.399
Eight, nine. Sarah Jessica Parker. L .A. Story.

02:30:43.760 --> 02:30:46.260
L .A. Story. That was like the first girl I was

02:30:46.260 --> 02:30:48.600
obsessed with. Same. I loved her. Big blonde

02:30:48.600 --> 02:30:51.120
hair. You and me on the same page on this. You

02:30:51.120 --> 02:30:53.799
got that right. Women just love that show. They

02:30:53.799 --> 02:30:55.879
love sex in the city. Sarah Jessica Parker. Is

02:30:55.879 --> 02:30:57.520
that L .A. Story? Wait, that's not a great photo.

02:30:58.020 --> 02:31:00.639
Doesn't matter. I liked it. Fly the Navigator.

02:31:00.639 --> 02:31:04.180
She was just young. No, but she's dewy. Horse

02:31:04.180 --> 02:31:07.920
face. Family goes right. That's horse face. No,

02:31:07.920 --> 02:31:10.639
no. She was big in the 80s. She was a sex sim.

02:31:10.659 --> 02:31:12.940
Look at that with the bra. When did she become?

02:31:13.139 --> 02:31:14.920
Look at her tits. That's great. That's a cool

02:31:14.920 --> 02:31:16.920
gal. That movie I just pulled up came out in

02:31:16.920 --> 02:31:19.819
87. She was in that. Damn. She was in a movie

02:31:19.819 --> 02:31:22.700
in 87? Mm -hmm. Wow. When was L .A. Story? Go

02:31:22.700 --> 02:31:25.899
with the red pants. I mean, look, that's a hot

02:31:25.899 --> 02:31:29.180
woman. No, zoom in on the face. She's hot. Although,

02:31:29.200 --> 02:31:32.559
how old was she in all these? Seven. Let's chill.

02:31:32.739 --> 02:31:34.860
Why don't we find her Sex and the City, Sarah

02:31:34.860 --> 02:31:37.100
Jessica Parker? Sex and the City was a wild show

02:31:37.100 --> 02:31:39.360
for ladies, right? It was wild. They loved it.

02:31:39.399 --> 02:31:41.639
The first show for ladies that, like, ladies

02:31:41.639 --> 02:31:45.159
would just go out and get fucking hammered. Yeah.

02:31:45.180 --> 02:31:46.959
Let's go. There's an episode where they fuck

02:31:46.959 --> 02:31:48.840
a black guy, and she's like, I don't know. This

02:31:48.840 --> 02:31:51.340
is crazy. This is a bad idea. He's going to steal

02:31:51.340 --> 02:31:54.479
my purse. It was a whole thing. What? Yeah. Really?

02:31:54.540 --> 02:31:58.260
It was the 90s. Wow. That was the 90s, right?

02:31:58.440 --> 02:32:01.870
Oh, yeah. Toddling control. I liked the other

02:32:01.870 --> 02:32:04.790
one. Who was the nice one? The brunette was really

02:32:04.790 --> 02:32:08.450
hot. The redhead was crazy. Kim Cattrall. What's

02:32:08.450 --> 02:32:11.209
her name? She was fucking smoking hot when she

02:32:11.209 --> 02:32:13.530
was young. Even in Texas City, she was still

02:32:13.530 --> 02:32:14.989
pretty fucking hot. She was pretty hot then.

02:32:15.129 --> 02:32:16.850
She was older, but pretty. Is that Robert Downey

02:32:16.850 --> 02:32:19.049
Jr.? Yeah, they dated. They were an item. Look

02:32:19.049 --> 02:32:22.149
at that. He was a fun -loving drug addict. He

02:32:22.149 --> 02:32:24.350
loved drugs. I would have loved to hang out with

02:32:24.350 --> 02:32:26.870
him then. Yeah. Up until about midnight, and

02:32:26.870 --> 02:32:28.190
then I'd be like, hey, dude, you got to take

02:32:28.190 --> 02:32:30.809
off. One, two in the morning, you'd be with him.

02:32:30.829 --> 02:32:33.309
He loved the cocaine. You'd be with him up until

02:32:33.309 --> 02:32:35.889
he wanted to go uptown. I'd be there. I'd be

02:32:35.889 --> 02:32:40.969
like, yep. He got arrested at a Radiohead concert,

02:32:41.129 --> 02:32:43.149
I remember. Did he really? Yeah, I remember being

02:32:43.149 --> 02:32:44.909
a kid and seeing that headline and being like,

02:32:44.969 --> 02:32:47.489
all right, that's fine. That dude did real time.

02:32:47.750 --> 02:32:51.010
Yeah, he did. He did real time for drugs. HBO

02:32:51.010 --> 02:32:57.469
real time. Blah! Well, that was a good show.

02:32:57.489 --> 02:33:00.270
You had politically incorrect, real time, and

02:33:00.270 --> 02:33:04.889
now, is it still real time? Yeah. Oh, sorry.

02:33:05.090 --> 02:33:06.750
That's the show, right? I thought that was the

02:33:06.750 --> 02:33:09.049
old one. You want to go on coffee? Yeah. Ah,

02:33:09.370 --> 02:33:10.870
I didn't know we could do that. Some warm liquor.

02:33:10.950 --> 02:33:13.030
You want some? Don't check your phone, you son

02:33:13.030 --> 02:33:15.850
of an onion. Why? We're on a pod. Shut up. What

02:33:15.850 --> 02:33:18.010
are you doing? Come on. Just look at my telephone.

02:33:18.229 --> 02:33:20.329
It's Uncle sending him more fucking stories from

02:33:20.329 --> 02:33:22.909
now on. Yeah, he's telling me. Charlie. Tell

02:33:22.909 --> 02:33:25.950
me about the hookers. Oh, I can't imagine what

02:33:25.950 --> 02:33:27.750
the jungle horror is. What were the hookers when

02:33:27.750 --> 02:33:29.649
you got to leave? So you got to go into, like,

02:33:29.729 --> 02:33:32.709
Saigon? Ooh. And, like, got to go nuts? You got

02:33:32.709 --> 02:33:35.899
a good Vietnam look. If that hat was green. Yeah,

02:33:35.959 --> 02:33:37.680
you could be a soldier. Yeah, you look like a

02:33:37.680 --> 02:33:39.920
good Vietnam guy. Put you in the 60s. I look

02:33:39.920 --> 02:33:43.520
like Paddington Bear. Oh, Jesus. Berenstain.

02:33:43.899 --> 02:33:50.139
Berenstain Bears. The Jew Bear. There's a guy

02:33:50.139 --> 02:33:52.659
who fights in the UFC, Paul Craig. His nickname

02:33:52.659 --> 02:33:56.680
is the Bear Jew. Is he Jew? Yeah. Really? I believe

02:33:56.680 --> 02:33:59.120
so. Not a lot of Jewish fighters anymore. Paul

02:33:59.120 --> 02:34:04.040
Craig? Badass submission fighter. Okay. Yay.

02:34:05.059 --> 02:34:08.159
Love it. Where's he live? Where's he from? Scotland.

02:34:08.760 --> 02:34:12.899
Oh, I love Scotland. Where? Scotland. Holy hell.

02:34:12.899 --> 02:34:16.799
He just lost. Yeah. By Johnny Walker. Face paint.

02:34:16.860 --> 02:34:18.860
He was doing all that. Yeah. He's lost. He's

02:34:18.860 --> 02:34:21.219
won. Wicked submission artist, though. One of

02:34:21.219 --> 02:34:23.059
the best in the world off his back. 6 '3", 205,

02:34:23.139 --> 02:34:26.680
just like me after this weekend. A little bit

02:34:26.680 --> 02:34:28.180
different composition, though. Probably a little

02:34:28.180 --> 02:34:30.340
different. A little different than you, buddy.

02:34:31.659 --> 02:34:33.319
Pointed at 205 was the main thing. You'd fuck

02:34:33.319 --> 02:34:35.959
him up on a court of law. That's right. That's

02:34:35.959 --> 02:34:38.459
all it matters. That's why you guys built that.

02:34:38.500 --> 02:34:39.680
Bringing the barrister. We'll see what he says.

02:34:39.680 --> 02:34:42.280
What about Cyril Gans going after old Jonesy?

02:34:42.280 --> 02:34:44.520
Yeah, that's a crazy fight. When is it? I love

02:34:44.520 --> 02:34:47.120
Jones' back. That's March, weekend of March 3rd

02:34:47.120 --> 02:34:50.559
and 4th. What's the last time Jones fought? He

02:34:50.559 --> 02:34:54.239
hasn't fought in three years. Whoa. That's got

02:34:54.239 --> 02:34:56.719
to be the main storyline. Is he going to be fresh

02:34:56.719 --> 02:34:58.659
enough? And he's a heavyweight now. He's got

02:34:58.659 --> 02:35:00.100
those elbows. Moved up to heavyweight, so is

02:35:00.100 --> 02:35:01.500
he going to be able to compete with the biggest

02:35:01.500 --> 02:35:04.040
guys? He's a freak. He's a monster. I mean, Jon

02:35:04.040 --> 02:35:07.420
Jones is also a freak. No, obviously, but who

02:35:07.420 --> 02:35:10.639
do you got? I'll never bet against Jon Jones.

02:35:10.899 --> 02:35:15.520
Jon feels like he's in his prime. Gon feels like

02:35:15.520 --> 02:35:17.440
he's in his prime. John's probably still in his

02:35:17.440 --> 02:35:22.139
prime as well. Tuivasa fight was... I love Tuivasa.

02:35:22.159 --> 02:35:24.540
I do, too. He's a fun -loving guy. And he was

02:35:24.540 --> 02:35:27.340
swinging in that fight. He was taking those body

02:35:27.340 --> 02:35:30.020
kicks the whole time. It was, like, sad, but

02:35:30.020 --> 02:35:32.159
he would still fucking... That gut would jiggle.

02:35:32.819 --> 02:35:35.840
John's just minus 150. I'm going zero Gon. Well,

02:35:36.860 --> 02:35:38.940
it's the first time that he's ever fought a heavyweight.

02:35:39.139 --> 02:35:41.659
No, no, it's not. What do you mean? It's not

02:35:41.659 --> 02:35:43.280
true. What do you mean? He's fought a heavyweight

02:35:43.280 --> 02:35:45.770
before. When? Jon Jones? Yeah. He went up to

02:35:45.770 --> 02:35:47.409
heavyweight one time. No, no, he's never gone

02:35:47.409 --> 02:35:48.409
to heavyweight. Are you thinking light heavyweight?

02:35:48.969 --> 02:35:50.370
He's a light heavyweight. Like Cormier. Trust

02:35:50.370 --> 02:35:54.129
me, I'm a professional. He was there in all of

02:35:54.129 --> 02:35:56.149
them. Yeah. He's never fought heavyweight. Oh,

02:35:56.149 --> 02:35:57.930
Anderson still went up to light heavyweight for

02:35:57.930 --> 02:35:59.709
one fight. There you go. Yeah, a couple fights.

02:35:59.950 --> 02:36:03.569
I heard Stipe's coming back. Yeah, yeah, they're

02:36:03.569 --> 02:36:05.430
trying to, well, I think probably what they'll

02:36:05.430 --> 02:36:07.870
probably try to do is the winner. If Jon Jones

02:36:07.870 --> 02:36:10.129
and Cyril Ghosn will fight Stipe, if that makes

02:36:10.129 --> 02:36:12.389
sense to me. Why Stipe? He doesn't need to do

02:36:12.389 --> 02:36:14.510
it still. I'm worried about that guy. He wants

02:36:14.510 --> 02:36:16.149
to do it. He wants to beat Jones. Still wants

02:36:16.149 --> 02:36:18.809
to do it. He wants to beat Jon Jones? Yeah. Jones

02:36:18.809 --> 02:36:21.129
is too technical. Why wouldn't he want that?

02:36:21.149 --> 02:36:24.190
Stipe's great, but... Well, Stipe is also, like,

02:36:24.209 --> 02:36:26.549
one of the greatest heavyweights of all time.

02:36:26.610 --> 02:36:28.870
Look at his accomplishments, his record, defended

02:36:28.870 --> 02:36:31.209
the heavyweight title more than anybody. That's

02:36:31.209 --> 02:36:31.750
the hardest one to defend. Beating all these

02:36:31.750 --> 02:36:34.430
legends. Heavyweight's the hardest title to defend.

02:36:34.469 --> 02:36:36.430
But he lives in Ohio. He might be... Cleveland

02:36:36.430 --> 02:36:38.590
in the fucking house. Yeah, you know who was

02:36:38.590 --> 02:36:41.020
the man? It was fucking Chito Vera. Mm -hmm.

02:36:41.059 --> 02:36:42.420
That guy's tough. How funny was that? Remember

02:36:42.420 --> 02:36:44.760
that dinner? I know. Cheeto's the man. We had

02:36:44.760 --> 02:36:46.819
a good time. That dinner was so fucking funny.

02:36:46.819 --> 02:36:48.739
You guys had that with him? Oh, yeah, for hours

02:36:48.739 --> 02:36:50.739
until like 3 o 'clock in the morning. We went

02:36:50.739 --> 02:36:52.379
and got dinner after a show, and it was us and

02:36:52.379 --> 02:36:55.219
Cheeto just eating fucking steak. Yeah. Cheeto

02:36:55.219 --> 02:36:57.899
was saying the funniest. He's fun. Talking about

02:36:57.899 --> 02:36:59.680
why he trains. He's like, if I see a beautiful

02:36:59.680 --> 02:37:04.399
woman, I just have to run. Whoa. Wow. He's like,

02:37:04.459 --> 02:37:06.319
that's why I'm going to be the best ever. Whoa.

02:37:06.540 --> 02:37:08.079
I was sitting there like, fucked up. Like, yeah,

02:37:08.100 --> 02:37:10.639
definitely. He's so disciplined. He was awesome.

02:37:11.020 --> 02:37:12.420
That's why I see a beautiful woman, I'm like,

02:37:12.500 --> 02:37:14.420
ah, he sucks. He's like, I see women, I want

02:37:14.420 --> 02:37:16.420
to fuck them. I say, no, no, no, I got to train.

02:37:16.739 --> 02:37:18.959
Oh, good for him. Damn. He's fighting in San

02:37:18.959 --> 02:37:22.239
Antonio at the end of March. Really? Yeah. Yeah,

02:37:22.299 --> 02:37:24.100
if you guys are in town, we should all go. Weren't

02:37:24.100 --> 02:37:25.639
they trying to put that in the fucking, they

02:37:25.639 --> 02:37:28.459
were putting Cheeto in, wasn't it supposed to

02:37:28.459 --> 02:37:30.799
be in the Apex or whatever it's called? They're

02:37:30.799 --> 02:37:33.120
like, why? Corey Sanhagen. It's a great fight.

02:37:33.299 --> 02:37:34.459
And Sanhagen's a fucking monster. Oh my God,

02:37:34.459 --> 02:37:36.340
it's a great fight. It's a great fight. Those

02:37:36.340 --> 02:37:38.600
guys are both assassins. The top of the game.

02:37:39.229 --> 02:37:43.590
There you go. What's he fighting? What's the

02:37:43.590 --> 02:37:47.250
date? March 25th. Cheeto. You guys want to come

02:37:47.250 --> 02:37:49.329
back? Let's fucking go. The club will be open.

02:37:49.409 --> 02:37:54.610
Let's go. Let's get a Sprinter van. 135. Let's

02:37:54.610 --> 02:37:57.649
fucking go. San Hagen's the fucking man. Let's

02:37:57.649 --> 02:38:01.610
go. Sit in the front row. I need Cheeto. Let's

02:38:01.610 --> 02:38:06.350
fucking go. Where's Cheeto from? Venezuela? Colombia?

02:38:07.010 --> 02:38:08.809
Ecuador. Yeah, I saw that flag. That's Ecuador,

02:38:08.889 --> 02:38:10.670
right? Yeah. Oh, I'm rooting for him. He's the

02:38:10.670 --> 02:38:12.350
man. Yeah, you've rooted for everybody outside

02:38:12.350 --> 02:38:13.969
of America, you piece of shit. I lived there

02:38:13.969 --> 02:38:16.229
for fucking six months. Oh, it's my clan. You

02:38:16.229 --> 02:38:17.389
know where else you lived? I haven't lived there

02:38:17.389 --> 02:38:19.969
46 years. USA, dude. You don't even deserve that

02:38:19.969 --> 02:38:22.500
bong. Give me that. Fair. This is for the U .S.

02:38:22.780 --> 02:38:25.399
How dare you, coward. There you go. God bless.

02:38:25.540 --> 02:38:28.139
I mean, I'm definitely cheering for Cheeto. Not

02:38:28.139 --> 02:38:30.760
because of his nationality. Fuck you. Because

02:38:30.760 --> 02:38:32.719
I hung out with him once. It's a great fight.

02:38:33.420 --> 02:38:35.159
Technically, it's a great fight. Do fighters

02:38:35.159 --> 02:38:36.700
talk about other fighters like we talk about

02:38:36.700 --> 02:38:39.040
comics? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. You know

02:38:39.040 --> 02:38:41.579
what else they do? They're all very, to me, the

02:38:41.579 --> 02:38:43.440
brief understanding I've had is they're very,

02:38:43.559 --> 02:38:46.959
they're like, no, I like him. Yeah. Like people

02:38:46.959 --> 02:38:48.959
you'd think would hate each other. They're like,

02:38:49.100 --> 02:38:51.280
no, he's a fighter. I respect it. And they watch

02:38:51.280 --> 02:38:53.299
each other? Yeah, they definitely watch each

02:38:53.299 --> 02:38:57.260
other. You can tell the guys who are real because

02:38:57.260 --> 02:38:59.440
they'll recognize what a guy's good at and not

02:38:59.440 --> 02:39:01.100
good at, and they'll talk about it honestly.

02:39:01.180 --> 02:39:03.239
And you can tell guys are kind of like a little

02:39:03.239 --> 02:39:06.260
bit in denial, kind of haters. You know, they're

02:39:06.260 --> 02:39:08.559
like, he ain't shit. He ain't shit. Can't say

02:39:08.559 --> 02:39:10.620
he's not shit. He's not shit. He won seven straight

02:39:10.620 --> 02:39:12.299
fights. He's not shit. There's a lot of guys

02:39:12.299 --> 02:39:14.920
that'll do that. They'll form that narrative

02:39:14.920 --> 02:39:17.559
in their head. I get him. He ain't shit. I'll

02:39:17.559 --> 02:39:19.059
fuck him up. I'll do this. I'll do that. You

02:39:19.059 --> 02:39:20.399
know what bothers me is when there's a guy that's

02:39:20.399 --> 02:39:23.219
like hot and then dudes in the back when they're

02:39:23.219 --> 02:39:25.120
doing interviews and shit are like, I'll fuck

02:39:25.120 --> 02:39:29.520
you up. And the guy who's famous is just like,

02:39:29.620 --> 02:39:32.340
I know what you're doing. Right. Yeah. You imagine

02:39:32.340 --> 02:39:34.139
if that's how it was in comedy? They used to

02:39:34.139 --> 02:39:36.319
do this in the UFC where they interview somebody,

02:39:36.440 --> 02:39:37.620
like, what do you think about this fight? And

02:39:37.620 --> 02:39:39.420
they tell the next person, well, this guy said

02:39:39.420 --> 02:39:41.340
this as they're doing their interview. They did

02:39:41.340 --> 02:39:43.159
it with Anderson Silva. I forget who it was he

02:39:43.159 --> 02:39:45.100
was fighting. And he said he's going to take

02:39:45.100 --> 02:39:47.020
you down and punch you in the face so you submit.

02:39:47.319 --> 02:39:49.180
And Anderson Silva is so confident. He's just

02:39:49.180 --> 02:39:52.059
like, that's a great tactic. I mean, you'd win

02:39:52.059 --> 02:39:54.600
if you do that. That's a great plan. Conor was

02:39:54.600 --> 02:39:57.479
the most vicious. People would be like, he was

02:39:57.479 --> 02:39:59.239
like, I'm going to fight you. He's like. Who

02:39:59.239 --> 02:40:01.180
the fuck is that guy? That was the funniest.

02:40:01.319 --> 02:40:04.600
Yeah, that's Connor. I chose you. And your wife

02:40:04.600 --> 02:40:07.620
was like, break out the red panties. Yeah. We

02:40:07.620 --> 02:40:11.120
done it, baby. We're rich. Connor chose us. Wow.

02:40:11.260 --> 02:40:15.979
Whoa. That's mean. Yeah, he did something where

02:40:15.979 --> 02:40:18.280
he flipped a fucking game on its head. If I choose

02:40:18.280 --> 02:40:19.819
to fight you, you'll make a lot of money. It's

02:40:19.819 --> 02:40:22.760
Jeremy Stevens. Right here. Right here. The hardest

02:40:22.760 --> 02:40:25.500
hitting 145 pound. The real hardest hitting 145

02:40:25.500 --> 02:40:28.909
are right here. This guy TKO's people. When I

02:40:28.909 --> 02:40:32.610
knock people out, they don't fucking move. Who

02:40:32.610 --> 02:40:38.270
the fuck is that guy? Dude, can't break out the

02:40:38.270 --> 02:40:41.549
red panties. Who the fuck is that? He thought

02:40:41.549 --> 02:40:44.250
he was going to be so cool. Chuckie Stevens thought

02:40:44.250 --> 02:40:46.469
he had it. I don't know. When I take that guy's

02:40:46.469 --> 02:40:49.229
bull, Leprechaun. Oh, good one. When I take that

02:40:49.229 --> 02:40:51.420
guy's bull, I'm looking around. I don't know

02:40:51.420 --> 02:40:53.200
what anyone else has for me around here. I might

02:40:53.200 --> 02:40:55.079
have to jump up and fucking drag Floyd Mayweather

02:40:55.079 --> 02:40:56.559
out there and see what the fuck he's out of here.

02:40:57.159 --> 02:41:01.760
He did. He can talk. Yeah, he can. Nate got him.

02:41:01.780 --> 02:41:03.659
That was so funny. He thought he'd be like, Nate,

02:41:03.659 --> 02:41:05.620
shit talk with us? I'll get over it. Nate got

02:41:05.620 --> 02:41:07.420
him. Are you kidding me? I don't know. The gazelle

02:41:07.420 --> 02:41:09.639
thing is rough. It's so funny. Yeah, but the

02:41:09.639 --> 02:41:12.559
thing about Nate is you can't shit talk with

02:41:12.559 --> 02:41:14.120
him. He'll just shit talk back. You're not going

02:41:14.120 --> 02:41:16.219
to hurt his feelings. No. This doesn't work.

02:41:16.559 --> 02:41:18.180
When he was apologizing to Khabib, he was like,

02:41:18.260 --> 02:41:20.180
what are you trying to do? Oh, it's just business?

02:41:20.319 --> 02:41:23.219
But no, Nate versus Conor. Conor is doing it.

02:41:23.540 --> 02:41:25.659
Obviously, Conor's the fucking man. But it's

02:41:25.659 --> 02:41:28.739
like, it's a show. It's a show. He's doing it.

02:41:28.799 --> 02:41:30.280
He knows what he's doing. He's promoting the

02:41:30.280 --> 02:41:32.399
fight. He's doing all this. Nate's just there

02:41:32.399 --> 02:41:36.879
like, I don't give a fuck. This is me. It's a

02:41:36.879 --> 02:41:39.379
celebration. You ring back home. You ring your

02:41:39.379 --> 02:41:42.959
wife. Baby, we done it. We're rich, baby. Conor

02:41:42.959 --> 02:41:46.000
McGregor made us rich. Break out the red panties.

02:41:46.100 --> 02:41:49.000
We're rich, baby. So don't say you would not

02:41:49.000 --> 02:41:50.639
take that fight because you would take that fight

02:41:50.639 --> 02:41:52.379
like everyone else up here would take the fight

02:41:52.379 --> 02:41:54.440
against me if it was offered, regardless of belts

02:41:54.440 --> 02:41:56.719
or any of that shit. I'm the money fight in the

02:41:56.719 --> 02:41:59.200
male shit at all weight divisions. So fuck everybody

02:41:59.200 --> 02:42:06.020
else up here. He's right. I've made such a big

02:42:06.020 --> 02:42:08.540
thing of myself that anyone who fights with me

02:42:08.540 --> 02:42:12.940
is instantly rich. He was trying to hit Nate

02:42:12.940 --> 02:42:15.559
with that. Nate was like, no, I've been doing

02:42:15.559 --> 02:42:17.079
this. Yeah, Nate's like, I already got my own

02:42:17.079 --> 02:42:19.780
one -bedroom apartment. I'm good. Nate doesn't

02:42:19.780 --> 02:42:21.559
give a fuck. He's like, I'm fine, dude. He literally

02:42:21.559 --> 02:42:22.639
doesn't give a fuck. You know how much In -N

02:42:22.639 --> 02:42:25.739
-Out I can afford already? He's like, I have

02:42:25.739 --> 02:42:28.979
Call of Duty. I have a 32 -inch fucking five

02:42:28.979 --> 02:42:32.040
-space car. You can't give a fuck. I got a refrigerator

02:42:32.040 --> 02:42:34.620
filled with white claws. I'm going to fuck you

02:42:34.620 --> 02:42:38.159
up, dude. I know. I say it every time I'm at

02:42:38.159 --> 02:42:40.379
this table. My favorite line was this, like,

02:42:40.440 --> 02:42:42.159
they're like, how do you think the fight's going

02:42:42.159 --> 02:42:43.299
to go? And Connor's like, I'll probably knock

02:42:43.299 --> 02:42:44.690
him out. on the first round, Nate's just like,

02:42:44.729 --> 02:42:47.430
he better. But he's just like, ooh. He better

02:42:47.430 --> 02:42:52.809
is good. Take a coffee break, Nate. And by coffee

02:42:52.809 --> 02:42:56.209
break, I mean bring me my coffee. No. They want

02:42:56.209 --> 02:42:57.909
you to give us a quick count to ten, both of

02:42:57.909 --> 02:43:00.309
you gentlemen. This is a good one. Can't play

02:43:00.309 --> 02:43:04.510
it. He can't. Nate can only count to five. Count

02:43:04.510 --> 02:43:09.889
to five, Nate, will you, if you can. You can't.

02:43:10.459 --> 02:43:13.159
with that coffee. And who do you put that coffee?

02:43:13.739 --> 02:43:15.459
So we're going to talk about money and business.

02:43:15.600 --> 02:43:17.959
Connor, let me ask you first. There's word that

02:43:17.959 --> 02:43:20.700
you could make $10 million on this thing. Is

02:43:20.700 --> 02:43:23.520
that accurate? On this fight? Yeah. I'm going

02:43:23.520 --> 02:43:27.120
to breeze past the $10 million mark. Breeze past

02:43:27.120 --> 02:43:30.440
it. What are you going to make? Is that him?

02:43:30.639 --> 02:43:33.680
A hell of a lot more. Steaming right along. Nate,

02:43:33.680 --> 02:43:35.760
how much are you going to make? I'll make a lot.

02:43:36.079 --> 02:43:39.690
A lot more than everybody else. A lot more than

02:43:39.690 --> 02:43:42.190
his last one, that is. He can thank me for that

02:43:42.190 --> 02:43:44.930
one. I've made more millionaires in this game

02:43:44.930 --> 02:43:48.729
than anybody else. Nate, how much of the purse

02:43:48.729 --> 02:43:51.069
you're going to take home do you owe to Conor

02:43:51.069 --> 02:43:54.690
McGregor? I don't owe him anything. Anything

02:43:54.690 --> 02:43:56.670
over $40 ,000 he owes me because that was his

02:43:56.670 --> 02:43:59.209
last paycheck. I wiped my ass with that money.

02:43:59.610 --> 02:44:03.010
I tipped that money. I was going to get it regardless

02:44:03.010 --> 02:44:06.180
sooner or later. It's coming. With or without

02:44:06.180 --> 02:44:08.639
you. And then the God came and blessed you with

02:44:08.639 --> 02:44:13.959
it. How about that coffee? Keep it going, keep

02:44:13.959 --> 02:44:17.420
it going. You want to get to a net worth of $100

02:44:17.420 --> 02:44:21.260
million. How close are you? Steaming right along.

02:44:22.180 --> 02:44:28.239
I'm steaming smoothly. On loop. My contract is

02:44:28.239 --> 02:44:32.950
a peach. So, I'm doing very well. At the time

02:44:32.950 --> 02:44:34.430
of this, his net worth was like six mil. This

02:44:34.430 --> 02:44:36.590
is funny. What a bunch of dumb questions. What

02:44:36.590 --> 02:44:38.530
are you worth today? There's people buried in

02:44:38.530 --> 02:44:39.969
the desert for less than that. We're on CNBC

02:44:39.969 --> 02:44:42.110
talking about money. I know. This is the best

02:44:42.110 --> 02:44:47.450
interview. Nate hates this. He's miserable. I

02:44:47.450 --> 02:44:49.649
just want to talk about fighting. It's like morning

02:44:49.649 --> 02:44:51.530
radio. He's like, I got to do this? You know

02:44:51.530 --> 02:44:55.520
what? You spend my total net worth in five minutes

02:44:55.520 --> 02:44:57.399
at Starbucks, I'm telling you right now. No,

02:44:57.440 --> 02:44:59.760
I'm nowhere near. But I ask the questions, and

02:44:59.760 --> 02:45:02.799
so I want to know. But Nate, what are your financial

02:45:02.799 --> 02:45:06.819
goals? How much do you want to be worth, Nate?

02:45:06.920 --> 02:45:09.799
What kind of money do you want to make? More

02:45:09.799 --> 02:45:14.280
than everybody. What are your financial dreams?

02:45:14.399 --> 02:45:17.299
What to you means you've made it? A mansion,

02:45:17.600 --> 02:45:20.559
a Ferrari? What a bizarre angle. How about money?

02:45:22.000 --> 02:45:26.260
I don't know. Say it like it is, Nate. Who gives

02:45:26.260 --> 02:45:30.040
a ? Is this the Money Channel? Who the is this?

02:45:31.719 --> 02:45:34.600
I totally like that one. That's the thing, though.

02:45:34.620 --> 02:45:36.940
Connor is like, that's funny. We're fighters.

02:45:37.000 --> 02:45:39.059
I get it. The main thing to succeed in this game

02:45:39.059 --> 02:45:43.579
is to either be me or fight me. Everything else

02:45:43.579 --> 02:45:48.879
is peanuts. So ask Nate that. He knows that firsthand.

02:45:49.340 --> 02:45:51.379
Yeah, I guess. Mission accomplished then, right?

02:45:51.840 --> 02:45:54.940
I wanted to ask you how you guys can make the

02:45:54.940 --> 02:45:59.459
UFC as big as the NBA or the NFL. How is that

02:45:59.459 --> 02:46:02.719
possible? Can it be? Just let me loose. Let me

02:46:02.719 --> 02:46:05.139
loose on one of them. And we'll see. You know

02:46:05.139 --> 02:46:06.600
what I mean? Because when it all comes down to

02:46:06.600 --> 02:46:11.559
it, it's about survival. So this to me doesn't

02:46:11.559 --> 02:46:15.079
feel like sport. This feels like... This feels

02:46:15.079 --> 02:46:18.020
something more pure. And Fight 2 was like, if

02:46:18.020 --> 02:46:19.459
this was war, you'd be dead. You can put us on

02:46:19.459 --> 02:46:23.299
this station and talk stocks and numbers and

02:46:23.299 --> 02:46:26.440
all of this, and we can continue to rise. But

02:46:26.440 --> 02:46:32.659
these other franchises are sports. It's kind

02:46:32.659 --> 02:46:34.360
of funny. Every time I get fucked up, I watch

02:46:34.360 --> 02:46:37.620
this interview. It's like a nightly tradition.

02:46:39.979 --> 02:46:46.299
Nate? Yeah. How do you think this you can get

02:46:46.299 --> 02:46:49.819
the UFC or the NBA or the NFL or should it even

02:46:49.819 --> 02:46:53.200
try? I don't even know. I don't even... Next

02:46:53.200 --> 02:46:56.180
question. What a dumb fuck. I don't own the UFC,

02:46:56.479 --> 02:47:00.340
you dumb idiot. He's just like, I'm a fighter.

02:47:00.479 --> 02:47:03.680
Why do I have to do this? Send me a picture.

02:47:03.760 --> 02:47:05.200
I'll see what you look like. No, no, no. Okay.

02:47:05.940 --> 02:47:08.500
No, you don't want to see the picture. Two more

02:47:08.500 --> 02:47:15.440
questions. This isn't the matchup. So they're

02:47:15.440 --> 02:47:17.100
not even seeing this lady while they're doing

02:47:17.100 --> 02:47:19.219
it. Now, the face -off was interesting today.

02:47:19.280 --> 02:47:22.600
He lost his mic. I took it off. Oh. He's out.

02:47:23.600 --> 02:47:28.739
Sorry, one more time? All right, he's done. Nate's

02:47:28.739 --> 02:47:31.639
left, Connor. It's just you. So I'm going to

02:47:31.639 --> 02:47:34.340
ask you a couple questions. This isn't the match

02:47:34.340 --> 02:47:37.319
people expected. Damn, that's cooler. Fuck, that's

02:47:37.319 --> 02:47:41.299
cooler. Are you able to build enough anticipation

02:47:41.299 --> 02:47:43.469
to compete? All you got to do is check the app.

02:47:43.649 --> 02:47:46.989
Damn. Man, that's the cooler way to lead. Nate

02:47:46.989 --> 02:47:48.909
didn't give a fuck about that. But who won the

02:47:48.909 --> 02:47:50.329
fight? Well, the best part is him winning. Nate

02:47:50.329 --> 02:47:52.469
fucked him up. Well, there you go. And I said,

02:47:52.549 --> 02:47:55.770
Nate Diaz, you shook up the world. I'm not surprised,

02:47:56.090 --> 02:47:57.889
motherfucker. I'm not surprised, motherfucker.

02:47:58.889 --> 02:48:02.569
2 -0 in those fights. It was 3 -1, right? No,

02:48:02.649 --> 02:48:05.450
no. It's 1 -1 technically. Oh, what do you mean

02:48:05.450 --> 02:48:08.709
technically? Very technically. That second fight.

02:48:09.519 --> 02:48:13.180
I've rewatched it as a Nate fan. Yeah. Connor

02:48:13.180 --> 02:48:15.200
barely won three rounds. Round by round, Connor

02:48:15.200 --> 02:48:19.520
won. Connor got saved by the bell twice. Saved

02:48:19.520 --> 02:48:22.319
by the bell twice. And Nate dominated two rounds.

02:48:22.459 --> 02:48:24.020
It was like he won the fight. And also, yeah.

02:48:24.500 --> 02:48:27.059
Really? Yeah. The scoring system's fucked up.

02:48:27.180 --> 02:48:29.540
The scoring system sucks. Oh, really? It's terrible.

02:48:29.780 --> 02:48:32.600
How about that Volkanovski? Yeah. I like that

02:48:32.600 --> 02:48:34.360
guy. The scoring system really is designed for

02:48:34.360 --> 02:48:37.399
boxing. We adopted boxing's 10 -point must -scoring

02:48:37.399 --> 02:48:39.989
system. There's too many things involved. Like

02:48:39.989 --> 02:48:42.989
when you have boxing, 10 -point must system works

02:48:42.989 --> 02:48:45.690
because it's like two guys, they both are punching

02:48:45.690 --> 02:48:47.729
each other. So what should it be? It should be

02:48:47.729 --> 02:48:50.010
a more complex system that takes into account

02:48:50.010 --> 02:48:53.069
kicks, punches, submission attempts, and I don't

02:48:53.069 --> 02:48:55.209
think it should be limited to like a 10 -9 thing.

02:48:55.309 --> 02:48:57.090
I think that's a silly way of doing it. I think

02:48:57.090 --> 02:48:59.569
if someone tried to invent a 10 -point must system

02:48:59.569 --> 02:49:01.469
today for MMA, people would think it's too limited.

02:49:01.750 --> 02:49:04.489
Yeah, from scratch. You would want to have a

02:49:04.489 --> 02:49:07.329
completely different scoring system. I don't

02:49:07.329 --> 02:49:08.729
want to cut you off because you're an expert

02:49:08.729 --> 02:49:12.889
and I'm drunk. I felt like the Volkanovski -Islam

02:49:12.889 --> 02:49:17.250
fight, by UFC rules, Islam won that fight. It

02:49:17.250 --> 02:49:19.829
depends on the second round. The second round

02:49:19.829 --> 02:49:23.430
gave a slight edge to Volkanovski in the second

02:49:23.430 --> 02:49:26.569
round. The problem is, so the second round, if

02:49:26.569 --> 02:49:29.290
you do the second round, one person scored 10,

02:49:29.389 --> 02:49:31.719
the other person scored 9. But then you look

02:49:31.719 --> 02:49:33.540
at the first round. Well, the first round, Islam

02:49:33.540 --> 02:49:36.280
had his back. How could that be a 10 -9 round?

02:49:36.379 --> 02:49:38.920
Because he really got a dominant position, and

02:49:38.920 --> 02:49:40.799
he held it for a significant portion of the round.

02:49:40.959 --> 02:49:43.020
That's more significant than whatever the fuck

02:49:43.020 --> 02:49:45.340
happened in the second round. Because the second

02:49:45.340 --> 02:49:47.719
round was 10 -9 as well. That's why the 10 -point

02:49:47.719 --> 02:49:48.540
must have been fucked. But if you're looking

02:49:48.540 --> 02:49:50.020
at two rounds, like, who's up? You're like, oh,

02:49:50.040 --> 02:49:51.959
well, one guy's clearly up. It's not tied. Yeah,

02:49:51.979 --> 02:49:55.360
but it's not the same amount of victory. Like,

02:49:55.360 --> 02:49:58.020
look at Islam in the fourth round. Had Alex's

02:49:58.020 --> 02:50:00.040
back the whole time. Look at Alex in the fifth

02:50:00.040 --> 02:50:02.879
round. Gets Islam on the ground, pounding on

02:50:02.879 --> 02:50:04.219
him in the last minute of the fight. The most

02:50:04.219 --> 02:50:06.440
significant moment of the fight total. How is

02:50:06.440 --> 02:50:08.920
that 10 -9? And then the second round is also

02:50:08.920 --> 02:50:12.600
10 -9. They should do it more often. It has to

02:50:12.600 --> 02:50:14.479
be super dominant, right? They don't do it enough.

02:50:14.700 --> 02:50:17.780
But Volkanovski dropped him in the second round.

02:50:18.100 --> 02:50:20.319
But then Islam got a takedown but didn't do anything

02:50:20.319 --> 02:50:22.479
with it. And then Volkanovski got back up. And

02:50:22.479 --> 02:50:24.579
then Volkanovski got rocked with a punch by Islam.

02:50:24.819 --> 02:50:26.780
So there was a lot of back and forth. I gave

02:50:26.780 --> 02:50:29.440
a slight edge of the second round to Volkanovski.

02:50:29.610 --> 02:50:31.750
But that is the decide of the fight. I watched

02:50:31.750 --> 02:50:33.489
it three times. This is why I like football better.

02:50:33.510 --> 02:50:34.770
I've gone over it multiple times. There's a real

02:50:34.770 --> 02:50:36.909
score. I need a real score. I've gone over it

02:50:36.909 --> 02:50:38.690
with a fine -tooth comb. The real problem is

02:50:38.690 --> 02:50:40.750
the scoring system. It's not adequate. Because

02:50:40.750 --> 02:50:43.069
if you have, again, if you have a 10 -9 round

02:50:43.069 --> 02:50:45.149
like the final round where Volkanovski clearly

02:50:45.149 --> 02:50:47.909
won and then you have a 10 -9 round like the

02:50:47.909 --> 02:50:50.530
second round, how are they both 10 -9 rounds?

02:50:50.670 --> 02:50:53.190
That doesn't make any sense. One of them is clearly

02:50:53.190 --> 02:50:56.700
a lot more dominant in one way. And the other

02:50:56.700 --> 02:50:59.139
one is like anybody could decide. If you're an

02:50:59.139 --> 02:51:01.100
Islam fan, you could say, I think he did enough.

02:51:01.239 --> 02:51:03.200
He got the takedown. He landed that one good

02:51:03.200 --> 02:51:06.600
punch and landed some other good shots. You could

02:51:06.600 --> 02:51:09.180
make an argument, but you can't make an argument

02:51:09.180 --> 02:51:10.799
for the fifth round. The fifth round was clearly

02:51:10.799 --> 02:51:14.299
Volkanovski. So how are they both 10 -9? It doesn't

02:51:14.299 --> 02:51:16.540
make any sense. While I was watching it, I knew

02:51:16.540 --> 02:51:21.530
a takedown is so important. And he got them.

02:51:21.590 --> 02:51:23.190
He got the takedowns, and it was like, all right,

02:51:23.190 --> 02:51:24.989
well, he's going to win the fucking round. He

02:51:24.989 --> 02:51:27.409
didn't do any damage. He's just holding them.

02:51:27.469 --> 02:51:30.649
It's not everything. It's like takedown means,

02:51:31.030 --> 02:51:33.750
oh, shit, you're about to fuck me up. But if

02:51:33.750 --> 02:51:34.829
he doesn't, then it's like, well, that didn't

02:51:34.829 --> 02:51:37.190
mean that. There's also a thing where Islam had

02:51:37.190 --> 02:51:40.049
Volkanovski's back, and Volkanovski just punched

02:51:40.049 --> 02:51:42.430
him in the face. He was yelling at the ref, like,

02:51:42.430 --> 02:51:45.270
get us up. That is kind of crazy because the

02:51:45.270 --> 02:51:47.729
guy does have control of you, but he's not doing

02:51:47.729 --> 02:51:51.170
anything good with it. How much of that counts

02:51:51.170 --> 02:51:54.350
towards the round? How much of these Dagestani

02:51:54.350 --> 02:51:57.829
wrestlers just fucking up the UFC? Crazy. Crazy

02:51:57.829 --> 02:51:59.709
how many good ones there are. Yeah, but I mean

02:51:59.709 --> 02:52:03.399
just like as far as like viewership. You just

02:52:03.399 --> 02:52:05.700
got some guys coming in that are nasty wrestlers.

02:52:05.979 --> 02:52:09.360
Yeah, but people went to see that fight. That

02:52:09.360 --> 02:52:12.739
was a big fight. First of all, you got the top

02:52:12.739 --> 02:52:16.360
155 pounder and the top 145 pounder in their

02:52:16.360 --> 02:52:18.899
prime. Two of the top guys, pound for pound,

02:52:18.979 --> 02:52:20.559
fighting for the number one pound for pound status.

02:52:21.690 --> 02:52:24.229
And he was on a home turf. Yeah, yeah. So that

02:52:24.229 --> 02:52:27.290
adds to it. Yeah, Islam went to Australia. There's

02:52:27.290 --> 02:52:29.850
also an accusation of someone using an IV. They

02:52:29.850 --> 02:52:33.049
said Islam rehydrated with an IV. What's wrong

02:52:33.049 --> 02:52:35.149
with that? It's illegal. You're not allowed to.

02:52:35.149 --> 02:52:37.549
During the fight? No, no, no, no. Oh, before

02:52:37.549 --> 02:52:38.729
the fight. After the weigh -in. I was going to

02:52:38.729 --> 02:52:42.370
say. Because he cuts so much weight to make one.

02:52:42.450 --> 02:52:45.159
No, you're not allowed to use an IV. What? Yeah,

02:52:45.219 --> 02:52:47.959
it's illegal. It's part of USADA because you

02:52:47.959 --> 02:52:51.760
could mask PEDs with an IV. So if you take certain

02:52:51.760 --> 02:52:53.959
PEDs, you can flush your system out with an IV

02:52:53.959 --> 02:52:55.899
and then take a piss test and it won't show up.

02:52:56.000 --> 02:52:59.420
I love it. Damn. So it's illegal. But I don't

02:52:59.420 --> 02:53:00.979
know whether or not he actually... They say that

02:53:00.979 --> 02:53:03.760
they caught him. They say they know, but I haven't

02:53:03.760 --> 02:53:05.440
seen anything yet. So until then, I don't know.

02:53:05.540 --> 02:53:07.700
I will say, as a UFC fan, I feel like more fights

02:53:07.700 --> 02:53:11.030
are getting... Questionable. That was a questionable

02:53:11.030 --> 02:53:13.549
one. It's annoying. The Patti Pimblitt. Yeah,

02:53:13.590 --> 02:53:16.010
the Patti Pimblitt one. I thought Jared Gordon

02:53:16.010 --> 02:53:18.370
won that fight. Patti, that one was crazy. That

02:53:18.370 --> 02:53:19.969
was not. It's annoying when you think somebody

02:53:19.969 --> 02:53:21.690
won, and then they're like, no, somebody else.

02:53:21.790 --> 02:53:24.670
You're like, this is stupid. Nobody thought,

02:53:24.909 --> 02:53:27.090
other than Patti's family, nobody thought he

02:53:27.090 --> 02:53:29.750
won that fight. That was one of those ones. It's

02:53:29.750 --> 02:53:31.370
like, man, that's hard to call for Patti. Patti's

02:53:31.370 --> 02:53:34.889
British? There were two in that card. Yeah. British.

02:53:35.030 --> 02:53:39.139
Liverpool. Liverpool. Fun dude. Great guy. Fun

02:53:39.139 --> 02:53:42.520
guy. Yeah. But, you know, he's a lot of fun,

02:53:42.559 --> 02:53:45.559
and he's like a wild, crazy character, and he

02:53:45.559 --> 02:53:47.799
dances and shit and gets in there and gets everybody

02:53:47.799 --> 02:53:50.819
rooting for him. Who's that fucking black dude

02:53:50.819 --> 02:53:55.540
that dances on the way in? Which one? Small guy

02:53:55.540 --> 02:53:57.340
that should not be a heavyweight. Oh, Chris.

02:53:57.520 --> 02:53:59.920
Chris Barnett? Yeah, Chris Barnett. Oh, he's

02:53:59.920 --> 02:54:03.100
amazing. Oh, yeah, the flip? Is that him? Wow.

02:54:03.379 --> 02:54:07.540
He beats that guy. They had a Black History Month

02:54:07.540 --> 02:54:10.059
UFC clip show. It was all like, you know, the

02:54:10.059 --> 02:54:12.700
black guy's going to win. And it was him getting

02:54:12.700 --> 02:54:17.280
dominated around one. And then just wailing on

02:54:17.280 --> 02:54:19.440
this dude. He's the man. Well, he's like a 5

02:54:19.440 --> 02:54:22.600
'9 heavyweight. Really? And he throws wheel kicks.

02:54:22.780 --> 02:54:25.000
He looks like Nick Marshall. That guy? He looks

02:54:25.000 --> 02:54:26.860
like LeMaire. He looks like LeMaire. He looks

02:54:26.860 --> 02:54:29.399
like LeMaire. Yeah. He looks exactly like LeMaire.

02:54:29.440 --> 02:54:33.229
He's from Spain. He was born there. He was born

02:54:33.229 --> 02:54:35.430
in Spain. Oh, okay. He didn't learn to dance

02:54:35.430 --> 02:54:38.170
there. Oh, I can do that move. Are you sure that's

02:54:38.170 --> 02:54:42.889
not the flamenca? Look at him. He's having fun.

02:54:44.590 --> 02:54:47.709
That was the one I was with you at. Yeah. If

02:54:47.709 --> 02:54:49.649
guys can do that, if they can walk out like that

02:54:49.649 --> 02:54:53.629
and have fun, it's like just the looseness that

02:54:53.629 --> 02:54:56.989
comes with that. Oh, that guy. Yeah, yeah. He's

02:54:56.989 --> 02:55:02.020
good. Anyway. Fun stuff. What's a better combo

02:55:02.020 --> 02:55:05.680
than Tua Vasa and Volkanovski being pals? Are

02:55:05.680 --> 02:55:07.739
they buddies? That's a good fucking crew. They

02:55:07.739 --> 02:55:10.280
do fucking shoeies together. Really? That's the

02:55:10.280 --> 02:55:12.700
coolest crew possible. They're Australian fighters.

02:55:13.379 --> 02:55:16.260
That's the sickest crew. Volkanovski's funny,

02:55:16.399 --> 02:55:18.680
too. He's good on pods. I knew you were Australian.

02:55:19.100 --> 02:55:21.819
Volkanovski and Tua. I was amazed at his performance.

02:55:22.079 --> 02:55:24.739
I was amazed. Yeah, good fighter. I mean, they

02:55:24.739 --> 02:55:29.100
lube you into those shoes. That's so nasty. That

02:55:29.100 --> 02:55:31.719
guy gives him his shoe and look at his face like,

02:55:31.799 --> 02:55:37.000
did it? No! That's gay. Covers it up. No! Throw

02:55:37.000 --> 02:55:41.260
up, dude. When I was in Australia, I was on stage.

02:55:41.260 --> 02:55:42.899
They were like, do a shoeie. I was like, I'm

02:55:42.899 --> 02:55:45.860
not doing a fucking shoeie. Whole crowd ruined

02:55:45.860 --> 02:55:49.399
the show. They were like. Did it really ruin

02:55:49.399 --> 02:55:51.760
the show? It fucked me up. Did you do it? No,

02:55:51.879 --> 02:55:55.159
I didn't do it. I started to talk shit. I was

02:55:55.159 --> 02:55:56.260
like, I'm from America. You think I'm going to

02:55:56.260 --> 02:55:59.479
fucking listen to you fucking losers? I think

02:55:59.479 --> 02:56:01.139
I'm going to get peer pressured by a bunch of

02:56:01.139 --> 02:56:08.040
fucking non -Americans. Did you go back into

02:56:08.040 --> 02:56:12.200
material after that? Yeah, I tried. That was

02:56:12.200 --> 02:56:14.399
the end of the show. No way! The shoes, they

02:56:14.399 --> 02:56:16.079
hit me with the do a shoeie, and I said, I'm

02:56:16.079 --> 02:56:18.680
not doing a fucking shoeie. Whole audience boos.

02:56:18.680 --> 02:56:20.540
I was like, I'm from America, dude. You think

02:56:20.540 --> 02:56:23.120
I'm going to listen to you fucking losers? They

02:56:23.120 --> 02:56:26.020
start doing Nate dance. Oh my God, that's hilarious.

02:56:26.020 --> 02:56:29.299
Nate is like, America, motherfucker. How nice

02:56:29.299 --> 02:56:32.180
is that against fucking at that weigh -in? It

02:56:32.180 --> 02:56:34.739
was so nice. It's funny that Nate says, I don't

02:56:34.739 --> 02:56:36.639
sound like that. I don't sound like that. Well,

02:56:36.760 --> 02:56:38.680
I don't want to bring that up. Oh, yeah. Let's

02:56:38.680 --> 02:56:40.680
not go there. We were at dinner. He was like,

02:56:40.799 --> 02:56:42.440
just so you know, I don't sound like that. I

02:56:42.440 --> 02:56:45.299
was like, oh, yeah, for sure, for sure. My bad.

02:56:45.360 --> 02:56:50.239
My bad, bro. Sorry, bro. Damn. Oh, when he came

02:56:50.239 --> 02:56:52.920
to Skank Fest. He came to Skank Fest? Five minutes

02:56:52.920 --> 02:56:55.120
into Skank Fest. Nate was at Skank Fest. What?

02:56:55.420 --> 02:56:58.100
I invited Nate to Skankfest. He was in Vegas.

02:56:58.180 --> 02:57:00.600
I was like, come to Skankfest. Wow. He gets there.

02:57:00.620 --> 02:57:02.899
Him and his bros, who I'm friends with all of

02:57:02.899 --> 02:57:05.680
them, they're great. And they're the most unassuming

02:57:05.680 --> 02:57:07.979
group of dudes of all time. Really? None of them

02:57:07.979 --> 02:57:10.819
are fucking jacked, but they would kill everybody.

02:57:11.020 --> 02:57:14.219
Sure. They're all just like gremlins. It's literally

02:57:14.219 --> 02:57:17.180
like eight gremlins come in, but they got there

02:57:17.180 --> 02:57:19.819
when they're doing the fucking naked roast. Just

02:57:19.819 --> 02:57:21.780
in time for me to be like, all right, come in,

02:57:21.840 --> 02:57:24.600
come hang out. They get in, there's just a fucking

02:57:24.600 --> 02:57:29.459
naked fucking goth. Oh, no. Yeah, this is fucking

02:57:29.459 --> 02:57:32.680
gay. And I was like, yeah, I think it's gay.

02:57:32.819 --> 02:57:35.819
That makes sense. We still haven't peed. Went

02:57:35.819 --> 02:57:38.239
back to the green room. How have you held it

02:57:38.239 --> 02:57:40.559
in so long? That's a problem. I was a bed wetter.

02:57:41.360 --> 02:57:43.909
Went back to the green room. While we're in the

02:57:43.909 --> 02:57:46.510
green room, just a fucking naked dude walked

02:57:46.510 --> 02:57:49.649
in. They didn't even talk to each other. They

02:57:49.649 --> 02:57:51.510
all got up and left. We just gotta go. They're

02:57:51.510 --> 02:57:53.209
like, this is gay shit. We're not fucking with

02:57:53.209 --> 02:57:54.870
this. And you're like, no, no, it's comedy. You're

02:57:54.870 --> 02:57:56.290
like, it's not that funny. And then I looked

02:57:56.290 --> 02:57:58.209
like a fucking loser. I was like, I saw you all

02:57:58.209 --> 02:57:59.549
walking out with them. I was like, yeah, I'm

02:57:59.549 --> 02:58:00.809
leaving. Like, where are you guys going? You're

02:58:00.809 --> 02:58:02.250
like, I gotta go. I was like, this is gay. I'm

02:58:02.250 --> 02:58:04.989
not doing this. Meanwhile, I was like, come check

02:58:04.989 --> 02:58:07.729
it out. That sucks they came on that night. Because

02:58:07.729 --> 02:58:10.090
that can be fun. The Naked Rose is awesome. Because

02:58:10.090 --> 02:58:13.879
Skankfest is great, just not. Naked Rose is fucking

02:58:13.879 --> 02:58:16.200
gross. I loved it. That's definitely gross, but

02:58:16.200 --> 02:58:17.739
it's a freak show. First year of Brooklyn Naked

02:58:17.739 --> 02:58:19.819
Rose was like, what the fuck? I'm an edge lord.

02:58:19.979 --> 02:58:21.940
You're an edge guy. I'm an edge lord. You're

02:58:21.940 --> 02:58:23.399
not worried about comedy. You're more about,

02:58:23.579 --> 02:58:25.780
wouldn't it be funny if our butt and dick was

02:58:25.780 --> 02:58:27.860
out? Correct. I'm a lord of that. Sorry, that

02:58:27.860 --> 02:58:31.879
was mean. Let's do play. I take it back. I apologize.

02:58:34.540 --> 02:58:37.360
Dude, dicks are funny. Obviously, dicks are hilarious.

02:58:37.780 --> 02:58:39.520
Dicks are funny and roasts are funny, so it's

02:58:39.520 --> 02:58:41.479
fun to get the most. I go to any time there's

02:58:41.479 --> 02:58:43.299
a naked roast, I'm like, oh, I'm going. I would

02:58:43.299 --> 02:58:45.399
sit front row in Brooklyn Skank Fest. It was

02:58:45.399 --> 02:58:48.000
like the one where I saw the trans woman tuck

02:58:48.000 --> 02:58:50.819
her dick where it just looked like a woman. And

02:58:50.819 --> 02:58:52.680
then in the middle of her first joke, she just

02:58:52.680 --> 02:58:55.559
popped the dick out. And it's like, what? That's

02:58:55.559 --> 02:58:57.920
comedy. Or Clemph taking her fucking notes out

02:58:57.920 --> 02:59:00.399
of her pussy. Who? Allison Clemph. Wow, really?

02:59:00.760 --> 02:59:02.100
She was like, huh? And then she reached down

02:59:02.100 --> 02:59:04.299
and she pulled a baggie out. And it had her fucking

02:59:04.299 --> 02:59:07.840
jokes in there. Whoa. That's a hell of a Gallagher.

02:59:07.840 --> 02:59:10.260
That's a lady. That's disgusting. Yeah. Damn.

02:59:11.129 --> 02:59:14.049
baggy out of the clam. Yeah, baggy. Holy moly.

02:59:14.129 --> 02:59:16.709
Naked roast took her fucking jokes out of her

02:59:16.709 --> 02:59:21.110
pussy. Oh my god. Disgusting. He looks so much

02:59:21.110 --> 02:59:24.129
like the one. Oh boy. Sucked in cavity search

02:59:24.129 --> 02:59:26.790
at the airport. Like, wait a minute. One of these

02:59:26.790 --> 02:59:29.930
bad jokes. This is smuggling fucking roast jokes.

02:59:29.930 --> 02:59:33.670
This is worse than heroin. That's not the first

02:59:33.670 --> 02:59:35.270
time she's stuffed anything up there to hide

02:59:35.270 --> 02:59:37.969
it either. That's not a thing you come up with

02:59:37.969 --> 02:59:40.030
on the fly. That's a female privilege. It'd be

02:59:40.030 --> 02:59:42.149
nice to be able to have a little storage area.

02:59:42.409 --> 02:59:45.549
I tried. It doesn't work. You tried to save something

02:59:45.549 --> 02:59:46.969
in your butt once? Yeah, it just keeps coming

02:59:46.969 --> 02:59:51.770
out. Nah, your butt will swallow it. It wouldn't

02:59:51.770 --> 02:59:53.809
do it. Emeralds, you ever use one of those fucking...

02:59:54.760 --> 02:59:58.180
I've never had a hemorrhoid. By the way, those

02:59:58.180 --> 03:00:00.719
suppositories, I'll be honest, they feel pretty

03:00:00.719 --> 03:00:03.520
good. You ever do those? Right to the glands.

03:00:03.840 --> 03:00:07.260
Your butt just, I got it from here. It knows

03:00:07.260 --> 03:00:11.360
what to do. It's so nice. Suppositories work.

03:00:11.559 --> 03:00:13.260
You're sad, you got a hemorrhoid, you're like,

03:00:13.299 --> 03:00:15.139
God, this is disgusting. And then you put it

03:00:15.139 --> 03:00:17.299
in there, you're like, golly, that was actually

03:00:17.299 --> 03:00:21.659
decent. You get anal. What is this Calgary Trampede?

03:00:22.120 --> 03:00:24.620
Shirt you have on. What is that? What is it?

03:00:25.260 --> 03:00:27.760
This is going to be bullshit. I hate you. It

03:00:27.760 --> 03:00:30.000
was Stampede. It's like this rodeo in Calgary.

03:00:30.100 --> 03:00:32.680
I went with Bert and O 'Neal once. It's a girl

03:00:32.680 --> 03:00:35.319
stampede. It's a girl rodeo. No, but some chick.

03:00:35.420 --> 03:00:39.420
It's just like an ICP thing. ICP? Yeah, it's

03:00:39.420 --> 03:00:40.659
that kind of vibe. Insane clown posse? Is that

03:00:40.659 --> 03:00:41.440
what you're saying? Some chick's blowing like

03:00:41.440 --> 03:00:44.000
seven dudes in a fucking. What? Yeah, in like

03:00:44.000 --> 03:00:46.899
a garage. What? All right, well, that's cool.

03:00:46.899 --> 03:00:48.459
I thought it was going to be. What are you talking

03:00:48.459 --> 03:00:52.159
about? Trampede from Stampede. What is it? Stampede

03:00:52.159 --> 03:00:54.280
is all the fucking cattle rustling come together.

03:00:54.559 --> 03:00:57.420
Yeah. Threesome caught on camera at Calgary Stampede.

03:00:57.420 --> 03:00:59.479
This might be Trampede or it might just be a

03:00:59.479 --> 03:01:03.899
normal. So at the Calgary Stampede, girls go

03:01:03.899 --> 03:01:05.719
and just fuck guys? This chick went fucking wild.

03:01:06.120 --> 03:01:08.579
Wait, was she the senator's daughter? I don't

03:01:08.579 --> 03:01:10.139
think. There's a whole thing about a politician's

03:01:10.139 --> 03:01:12.479
daughter at this Calgary Stampede. You gotta

03:01:12.479 --> 03:01:15.479
put Trampede in. We're America. Trampede's not

03:01:15.479 --> 03:01:18.739
coming. So Trampede was the mascot of Stampede

03:01:18.739 --> 03:01:22.260
for a while. Oh, okay. And she's just fucking

03:01:22.260 --> 03:01:26.719
dudes, like ICP level, in the parking lot. So

03:01:26.719 --> 03:01:29.520
it's a girl who goes to the Calgary Stampede

03:01:29.520 --> 03:01:31.940
and just fucks everybody? There are more Burt's

03:01:31.940 --> 03:01:35.399
nine months after Stampede than any other time

03:01:35.399 --> 03:01:38.920
in Calgary. I think there's a lady who's a politician's

03:01:38.920 --> 03:01:42.100
daughter, and it was a whole thing in Calgary.

03:01:42.459 --> 03:01:44.860
I was just there, and they were like, talk about

03:01:44.860 --> 03:01:47.760
this. We went once. Me, Burt, O 'Neal. Edgar

03:01:47.760 --> 03:01:50.299
and Kathleen McGee went for Stampede. It was

03:01:50.299 --> 03:01:53.360
such trash. I threw up on a child. What? I'm

03:01:53.360 --> 03:01:55.799
trying to keep up with Burt and Jameson. What

03:01:55.799 --> 03:01:58.280
an idiot. I barfed on a kid, blackout. I just

03:01:58.280 --> 03:02:01.639
heard, it got on him. And I'm like, oh, dude.

03:02:01.959 --> 03:02:03.520
I had to fucking sleep it off in a bathroom.

03:02:04.180 --> 03:02:07.120
Wow. In that video, in that picture. Whoa. That

03:02:07.120 --> 03:02:09.440
girl's a beast. I think that's her. No regrets.

03:02:10.170 --> 03:02:12.489
Yeah, she went viral. She started doing porn.

03:02:12.770 --> 03:02:16.110
She might start doing porn. Sucking cucumbers

03:02:16.110 --> 03:02:18.489
and fucking two dudes in a parking garage? Wow.

03:02:19.209 --> 03:02:23.909
Congratulations. It is hard for women. It's a

03:02:23.909 --> 03:02:25.889
hard industry for women to break into. All you

03:02:25.889 --> 03:02:27.909
gotta do is suck a cucumber and fuck two guys

03:02:27.909 --> 03:02:31.950
in a parking garage. Yeah, yeah. The problem

03:02:31.950 --> 03:02:33.909
is you can't get out of it. That's a tough one.

03:02:34.569 --> 03:02:38.100
Everyone's gonna remember that one. Yeah. Everyone.

03:02:38.579 --> 03:02:41.739
But they celebrated her. No one cares about the

03:02:41.739 --> 03:02:45.479
account suspended. No, no, no. She's been porn

03:02:45.479 --> 03:02:47.280
now. She's into porn now. Elon, get her back,

03:02:47.280 --> 03:02:48.600
dude. Yeah, but you can do porn on Twitter. Yeah,

03:02:48.620 --> 03:02:50.520
what's going on, Elon? That's the crazy thing.

03:02:50.520 --> 03:02:52.700
Elon, do something, man. Free Trampede. She might

03:02:52.700 --> 03:02:55.200
have went off. She might have gone QAnon. She

03:02:55.200 --> 03:02:58.860
might have went Pizzagate. I'll be honest. If

03:02:58.860 --> 03:03:00.600
you're sucking dick in a fucking parking garage

03:03:00.600 --> 03:03:02.239
in Canada, next thing you know, you're like,

03:03:02.399 --> 03:03:04.479
there's a basement there. I know there's a goddamn

03:03:04.479 --> 03:03:07.110
basement there. It is pretty flat. There is a

03:03:07.110 --> 03:03:09.629
basement there. Why would they post all that

03:03:09.629 --> 03:03:12.250
on Instagram? When landing was fake. I wonder

03:03:12.250 --> 03:03:16.069
what she got suspended for. Yeah. It's a wild

03:03:16.069 --> 03:03:17.489
lady. I'd like to read her tweets. I love how

03:03:17.489 --> 03:03:19.389
you can call up Elon and be like, can you tell

03:03:19.389 --> 03:03:21.090
me exactly what she's suspended for? Here's the

03:03:21.090 --> 03:03:24.010
deal. I probably could. I wouldn't want to waste

03:03:24.010 --> 03:03:25.469
his time, though. You don't want to get too many

03:03:25.469 --> 03:03:28.209
of those text messages returned. Yeah. You've

03:03:28.209 --> 03:03:29.690
got to be careful. That's funny that that's yours.

03:03:30.539 --> 03:03:32.260
Yeah. Like, I got a bunch of dudes that I'm like,

03:03:32.340 --> 03:03:33.719
I'm not going to text them. I don't want to waste

03:03:33.719 --> 03:03:36.280
this text. Don't waste it. Yours is Elon. Yeah.

03:03:36.379 --> 03:03:38.319
It's funny. Soldiers was like when the guy was

03:03:38.319 --> 03:03:41.739
the coordinator at the. Oh, that's his close

03:03:41.739 --> 03:03:43.540
friend, though. Yeah. And he goes, can you get

03:03:43.540 --> 03:03:45.639
me one of those throwback jerseys? Dude, I'm

03:03:45.639 --> 03:03:47.540
running a playoff game right now. I got to worry

03:03:47.540 --> 03:03:49.459
about the run game. Get me one of those throwback

03:03:49.459 --> 03:03:51.159
jerseys. When you think about Elon, though, these

03:03:51.159 --> 03:03:53.360
guys running three different companies simultaneously.

03:03:53.840 --> 03:03:56.319
I don't even understand it. Yeah. I don't know

03:03:56.319 --> 03:03:59.629
how it's possible to run. Tesla, Twitter, SpaceX,

03:03:59.930 --> 03:04:04.209
boring system. I don't understand anything about

03:04:04.209 --> 03:04:06.950
Elon. And he still responds to tweets. And he's

03:04:06.950 --> 03:04:10.590
having 19 kids. At least 19. He's busy. Shooting

03:04:10.590 --> 03:04:12.450
them right now. Shooting loads right now. Shooting

03:04:12.450 --> 03:04:17.149
loads. No pressure. Him and Nick Cannon. Falcon

03:04:17.149 --> 03:04:19.729
X. Just saving the population. How many kids

03:04:19.729 --> 03:04:21.770
does Nick Cannon have? I think he's up to 12.

03:04:21.989 --> 03:04:26.049
Whoa. Look at the apostles. That is so crazy.

03:04:27.969 --> 03:04:31.309
And step program. You know what's funny? You

03:04:31.309 --> 03:04:34.889
better keep working. Yeah. You better keep working

03:04:34.889 --> 03:04:37.229
because you got a monthly nut that's tough to

03:04:37.229 --> 03:04:40.049
fucking cover. Now, Whitey is real low on the

03:04:40.049 --> 03:04:44.309
baby chart. What? What is? Whitey. Like, we're

03:04:44.309 --> 03:04:46.909
not having kids anymore. Yeah. Now, how hard

03:04:46.909 --> 03:04:48.469
was it for you? Because a lot of guys do the

03:04:48.469 --> 03:04:49.309
in vitro. I already fucked it up for everybody.

03:04:51.069 --> 03:04:53.739
Clipped. Clipped. I got clipped. You got clipped.

03:04:53.979 --> 03:04:56.260
Yeah. Easy. You got clipped. Ari's never having

03:04:56.260 --> 03:04:58.520
kids again. No, I think a lot of people, the

03:04:58.520 --> 03:05:00.139
in vitro thing is they're having them too late.

03:05:00.280 --> 03:05:02.340
They're having it late. Yeah. People want their

03:05:02.340 --> 03:05:04.219
career. They want a family. They want everything.

03:05:04.379 --> 03:05:06.219
They want the whole deal. Exactly. Next thing

03:05:06.219 --> 03:05:08.020
you know, they're 40 and they're trying to get

03:05:08.020 --> 03:05:10.200
pregnant. It's hard. It's hard. It's not the

03:05:10.200 --> 03:05:12.620
same. Are you thinking about having them? Yeah,

03:05:12.680 --> 03:05:14.340
I'd like to have a kid. When do you think you

03:05:14.340 --> 03:05:17.340
would go? How old are you now? I'm 39. How old's

03:05:17.340 --> 03:05:20.389
the missus? 31. She's good. She's good to go.

03:05:20.510 --> 03:05:21.870
All right, all right. She's got three more years

03:05:21.870 --> 03:05:24.829
before things get dicey. Really? I don't have

03:05:24.829 --> 03:05:27.950
a scrambled egg. Oh, 48 and pregnant? Yeah. Wow.

03:05:28.170 --> 03:05:32.629
Who? Da Brat. Da Brat? Yeah. Didn't that woman

03:05:32.629 --> 03:05:36.850
from Rocky IV, remember the woman that Sylvester

03:05:36.850 --> 03:05:39.889
Stallone was dating? Wow, 48 and pregnant. Wow,

03:05:39.909 --> 03:05:44.489
that's incredible. It's ideal. Yeah. We'll see

03:05:44.489 --> 03:05:47.229
how that turns out. That lady from Rocky IV,

03:05:47.350 --> 03:05:49.610
the really tall lady that used to be married.

03:05:49.649 --> 03:05:52.750
Yeah, that one. She got pregnant late. Really?

03:05:52.750 --> 03:05:54.850
I think she was in her 50s. Well, she had good

03:05:54.850 --> 03:05:58.969
genes. Yes, Viking genes. Yes, that's a tall

03:05:58.969 --> 03:06:02.170
blonde whore. That's a tall drink of water. But

03:06:02.170 --> 03:06:04.110
wait a minute. How old was your lady, if you

03:06:04.110 --> 03:06:07.569
don't mind me asking? She's 54. She had a kid.

03:06:07.770 --> 03:06:10.629
That's insane. That's not Flavor Flaves, is it?

03:06:10.889 --> 03:06:13.700
It might have been. Might have been flavorful.

03:06:14.100 --> 03:06:19.159
Maria Desi. Wow. 54 is nuts, man. That's a gamble.

03:06:19.319 --> 03:06:21.500
That thing could come out cross -eyed. It might.

03:06:22.219 --> 03:06:24.459
Yeah. Look at it. Kid looks fine. She looks healthy

03:06:24.459 --> 03:06:27.959
again. All right. Snap back. 54. Strong genes.

03:06:28.239 --> 03:06:31.700
This could change the game. Yeah. Holy hell.

03:06:32.609 --> 03:06:34.950
But you had them early. Yeah, my wife was in

03:06:34.950 --> 03:06:38.510
her early 30s. When you get into late 30s, like

03:06:38.510 --> 03:06:41.270
Bridget Phetasy, my friend, she had her kid at

03:06:41.270 --> 03:06:44.969
like 41. Really? Yeah, last Bridget. She's the

03:06:44.969 --> 03:06:47.969
best. Was it not a... No, the kid's fine. The

03:06:47.969 --> 03:06:50.469
kid's amazing. I saw her on a plane to Myanmar,

03:06:50.729 --> 03:06:53.409
I think. Oh, no shit. She was like, we barely

03:06:53.409 --> 03:06:56.049
knew each other. This was like six, seven, eight

03:06:56.049 --> 03:06:58.569
years ago, and she was like... I met you once

03:06:58.569 --> 03:07:00.030
at the comedy store, right? I was like, oh, yeah.

03:07:00.190 --> 03:07:02.290
But I was so ready to be, like, gone from society

03:07:02.290 --> 03:07:04.930
that I was like, nice to see you again. Excuse

03:07:04.930 --> 03:07:07.030
me. I just went back to my seat. What a fucking

03:07:07.030 --> 03:07:09.930
dork. You were in that fucking rambling mode.

03:07:10.129 --> 03:07:12.129
You get in rambling mode, you get to travel.

03:07:12.590 --> 03:07:14.209
If you see somebody that brings you back, it's

03:07:14.209 --> 03:07:15.950
like sober you up. I don't want to be the part

03:07:15.950 --> 03:07:18.510
of this right now. You just enjoyed vanishing,

03:07:18.510 --> 03:07:20.930
huh, for a few months? Yeah. What are you guys

03:07:20.930 --> 03:07:23.049
doing? But wait, did you feel like kids fucked

03:07:23.049 --> 03:07:25.739
you up? No, in what way? Well, I mean, you got

03:07:25.739 --> 03:07:28.799
to be present and talk to practice and changing

03:07:28.799 --> 03:07:30.840
diapers. It makes you think about people other

03:07:30.840 --> 03:07:33.579
than yourself. There's good to that. All right.

03:07:33.659 --> 03:07:35.479
It's also, it's like, it changes everything.

03:07:35.780 --> 03:07:37.819
It's like, it makes the world a way better place.

03:07:38.159 --> 03:07:41.420
Really? Yeah, it's way more interesting. It's

03:07:41.420 --> 03:07:44.639
way more fun. Like, their fun is your fun. Their

03:07:44.639 --> 03:07:46.860
fun makes you happier than anything you could

03:07:46.860 --> 03:07:48.879
ever be happy about for yourself. So I feel that

03:07:48.879 --> 03:07:53.229
way. It's just different. About raves? Everyone's

03:07:53.229 --> 03:07:55.229
having a good time. This place is great. The

03:07:55.229 --> 03:07:56.770
fucking universe is awesome. Yeah, they're connected.

03:07:56.809 --> 03:07:58.889
I already just woke up. It's kind of sad. A little

03:07:58.889 --> 03:08:02.350
bit sad. Glow sticks? Sad with, yeah. Kids is

03:08:02.350 --> 03:08:04.309
better than raves. Remember who loves his dog?

03:08:04.409 --> 03:08:07.170
See how he loves his dog? You fucking made out

03:08:07.170 --> 03:08:08.610
with that dog on the last one. That dog rules.

03:08:08.850 --> 03:08:11.170
Bandit's the best. Bandit's fine, dude. Black

03:08:11.170 --> 03:08:13.389
Twitter. Bandit's not fine. Shut up, dude. I

03:08:13.389 --> 03:08:15.329
would put that dog down if it was mine. Dude,

03:08:15.329 --> 03:08:17.610
shut up. Bandit rules and you know it. Stop.

03:08:17.829 --> 03:08:19.770
Don't be fake on a podcast. Black Twitter went

03:08:19.770 --> 03:08:23.530
nuts. They went nuts on you kissing that dog.

03:08:23.629 --> 03:08:25.610
Yeah. They hate you. The black community. After

03:08:25.610 --> 03:08:27.370
what you did the first time and then now this?

03:08:27.530 --> 03:08:31.030
I killed Magic Johnson and then this. By the

03:08:31.030 --> 03:08:34.329
way, AIDS got cured. Oh, yeah. Hook it up. Multiple

03:08:34.329 --> 03:08:36.409
people have been cured of HIV now. Oh, yeah.

03:08:36.430 --> 03:08:37.690
You know why? Jamie, you're next. Because once

03:08:37.690 --> 03:08:39.069
they get the prep where it's not a real thing,

03:08:39.290 --> 03:08:41.190
then they're like, man, we had the cure forever.

03:08:41.309 --> 03:08:44.030
Let's just release it. Michael Che had a good

03:08:44.030 --> 03:08:47.790
joke about that. What did he say? He did our

03:08:47.790 --> 03:08:49.729
podcast, and he was like, here's a sketch I couldn't

03:08:49.729 --> 03:08:51.409
do on SNL. And then I think he ended up doing

03:08:51.409 --> 03:08:53.790
it. That's funny. But it was those AIDS commercials.

03:08:54.450 --> 03:08:56.370
And then just a dude being in the middle of it.

03:08:56.670 --> 03:08:59.940
Have you seen those prep AIDS commercials? No.

03:09:00.020 --> 03:09:02.500
Where they're like, I have seen those. They're

03:09:02.500 --> 03:09:04.799
weird. You take it if you think you might be

03:09:04.799 --> 03:09:07.319
getting HIV, and you're just banging guys. It's

03:09:07.319 --> 03:09:09.760
like two dudes together fishing or playing the

03:09:09.760 --> 03:09:11.479
drums, and then he was like, the sketch would

03:09:11.479 --> 03:09:13.239
be a guy in the middle of it being like, but

03:09:13.239 --> 03:09:16.600
I'm not gay. Oh, that's fun. This isn't for gay

03:09:16.600 --> 03:09:20.260
AIDS. Right. Just one of these guys in the middle

03:09:20.260 --> 03:09:21.819
of the commercial being like, actually, I'm not

03:09:21.819 --> 03:09:24.520
gay. Do you have to be gay to get this commercial?

03:09:24.840 --> 03:09:26.200
Imagine if you're a straight guy and you got

03:09:26.200 --> 03:09:27.700
that commercial and people are like, you're taking

03:09:27.700 --> 03:09:30.760
jobs away from gay people. So this is like a

03:09:30.760 --> 03:09:32.819
pill that you take to make sure that you don't

03:09:32.819 --> 03:09:37.379
get AIDS? Dude. Okay. Fucking, what's his name?

03:09:38.299 --> 03:09:41.559
That sucks to get that. After auditioning for

03:09:41.559 --> 03:09:44.360
years. He was just like, you let HIV positive

03:09:44.360 --> 03:09:47.219
dudes blow loads in your butt. You cannot get

03:09:47.219 --> 03:09:51.129
it. Come on. Who did this? Mateo. He's like,

03:09:51.129 --> 03:09:52.889
you just go for it. It doesn't matter. Oh, that's

03:09:52.889 --> 03:09:57.549
easy. Wow. He was pre -planned. NWA. Yeah, it's

03:09:57.549 --> 03:10:00.670
a force field. NWA AIDS. It just stops if you

03:10:00.670 --> 03:10:02.549
get in there. You won't get it. Wow. If you're

03:10:02.549 --> 03:10:04.469
on prep, you're fine. So none of them worry about

03:10:04.469 --> 03:10:07.129
AIDS anymore. Come on. That's what the A stands

03:10:07.129 --> 03:10:12.909
for? Yeah. What's that? We might have to leave

03:10:12.909 --> 03:10:15.270
that one. Yeah, maybe pull that one out. It used

03:10:15.270 --> 03:10:17.229
to be at one point in time, it was like, that

03:10:17.229 --> 03:10:24.579
was a death sentence. That's too good. That's

03:10:24.579 --> 03:10:29.100
a rough one. J -Mo. Remember the time stamp that

03:10:29.100 --> 03:10:31.059
one, J -Mo. You're the voice of reason. Time

03:10:31.059 --> 03:10:32.899
stamp, I figured it out. Time stamp, even here.

03:10:32.959 --> 03:10:37.579
N -W -A -A is for AIDS. I mean, easy. I'm just

03:10:37.579 --> 03:10:40.479
saying. I'm not making that up. The man had HIV.

03:10:40.760 --> 03:10:43.559
Yeah. Remember when you used to live stream this

03:10:43.559 --> 03:10:46.540
podcast? What a fucking nice chance you were

03:10:46.540 --> 03:10:49.219
taking every three times a week. That's fun,

03:10:49.299 --> 03:10:50.739
though. You could live stream back then. It was

03:10:50.739 --> 03:10:52.920
a lot of fun. We still do live streamed Fight

03:10:52.920 --> 03:10:55.000
Companions. There you go. We did the Fight Companion,

03:10:55.000 --> 03:10:57.340
hammered, live, Eddie Bravo talking about Flat

03:10:57.340 --> 03:10:59.280
Earth and satellites aren't real. That's fun.

03:10:59.719 --> 03:11:01.680
What's that? I love Flat Earth. We're live right

03:11:01.680 --> 03:11:07.500
now. Whoopsies. I'm ruined. Whoopsies. My dad

03:11:07.500 --> 03:11:11.399
was right. I'm ruined. I can't wait to bring

03:11:11.399 --> 03:11:13.500
Phil to a fucking theater and talk about sucking

03:11:13.500 --> 03:11:15.239
his dick. Dude, you've got to do that. That'd

03:11:15.239 --> 03:11:17.479
be so fucking great. That'd be so great. But

03:11:17.479 --> 03:11:19.860
the problem is now he's proud of me. Right. Oh,

03:11:19.860 --> 03:11:21.680
right. Now my family's proud of me, which is

03:11:21.680 --> 03:11:23.040
funny. Well, when you walk on stage now, they

03:11:23.040 --> 03:11:25.879
go crazy. And so they've got to accept the fact

03:11:25.879 --> 03:11:28.219
that it worked out. Yeah, but now my dad's a

03:11:28.219 --> 03:11:30.920
lot. He's very, everything he does, I copy him.

03:11:31.100 --> 03:11:34.459
So he's very like, all right. He's like, I'm

03:11:34.459 --> 03:11:38.309
going to bomb. He's that guy. Oh, OK. Yeah. People

03:11:38.309 --> 03:11:39.969
are going crazy, and he's like, what are they

03:11:39.969 --> 03:11:42.629
going crazy for? But then if I'm not there, he's

03:11:42.629 --> 03:11:46.430
like, you see my son? Oh, got it. That's fun.

03:11:46.649 --> 03:11:48.870
It's very sweet. That's cool. My parents won't

03:11:48.870 --> 03:11:50.729
give it up, but sometimes we'll be out to dinner,

03:11:50.790 --> 03:11:52.549
and someone's like, hey, I'm a fan. And they're

03:11:52.549 --> 03:11:54.930
like, oh, I guess we've got to give it up. Oh,

03:11:54.950 --> 03:11:57.149
yeah. We've got to like, oh, okay, good for him.

03:11:57.170 --> 03:11:58.750
So your parents still don't give it up to you?

03:11:59.079 --> 03:12:01.299
I don't get a lot of giving it up. Oh, man. My

03:12:01.299 --> 03:12:02.040
family gave it up too much. But they understand

03:12:02.040 --> 03:12:05.159
you're successful, right? I think so. You think

03:12:05.159 --> 03:12:08.120
they understand it? Yeah. Well, comedy is such

03:12:08.120 --> 03:12:12.079
a strange world. Yeah. But I think they give

03:12:12.079 --> 03:12:15.020
it up. Like, I hope for Jerry Seinfeld. So that's

03:12:15.020 --> 03:12:16.860
something to be like, okay, that we've heard

03:12:16.860 --> 03:12:18.799
of. Are they worried that it's, like, temporary

03:12:18.799 --> 03:12:22.940
maybe? Yeah. Like, oh, this Mark Norman, I don't

03:12:22.940 --> 03:12:24.899
know. I mean, it's working out for now, but it

03:12:24.899 --> 03:12:27.540
might go bad. Exactly. That's how we feel. Yeah,

03:12:27.540 --> 03:12:30.180
exactly. That's how I feel. I wake up every day

03:12:30.180 --> 03:12:32.399
like, all right, it's done. Yeah, this is a long

03:12:32.399 --> 03:12:34.059
life we got. Are we going to do this forever?

03:12:34.459 --> 03:12:36.659
I mean, you're doing whippets at 78. You know

03:12:36.659 --> 03:12:39.399
what's sadder? When people stop doing it. Yeah,

03:12:39.420 --> 03:12:40.579
it's really sad. When you run into a guy who

03:12:40.579 --> 03:12:42.059
used to do comedy, like, you don't do comedy

03:12:42.059 --> 03:12:42.959
anymore? That's really sad. Especially if they

03:12:42.959 --> 03:12:45.319
had at least one good set. Yeah. Where, like,

03:12:45.319 --> 03:12:47.420
you could have figured it out. Or maybe even

03:12:47.420 --> 03:12:50.159
a special or two. Yeah. And you run into guys,

03:12:50.299 --> 03:12:52.020
and, like, you don't do comedy anymore? No, I'm

03:12:52.020 --> 03:12:53.620
a producer now, or no, I'm just, like, having

03:12:53.620 --> 03:12:54.840
a lot of fun. Dude, you remember during the pandemic

03:12:54.840 --> 03:12:56.540
when you didn't do comedy for months, and you're

03:12:56.540 --> 03:12:59.620
like, I guess this is life now? I felt empty.

03:12:59.840 --> 03:13:01.819
It felt weird. We were all at Central Park. Louis

03:13:01.819 --> 03:13:04.020
showed up with Liz and Sarah. And it was like,

03:13:04.780 --> 03:13:06.040
we're talking about, like, comics, and he's like,

03:13:06.120 --> 03:13:08.639
I mean, we're not. We don't do it. We're not

03:13:08.639 --> 03:13:12.479
comics. What are we? You emo fucking pussies.

03:13:12.559 --> 03:13:14.860
You're talking about Louis C .K. No, you. No,

03:13:14.860 --> 03:13:17.000
Louis C .K. Well, Louis is also an emo fuck.

03:13:17.180 --> 03:13:18.219
That's who you're talking about because that's

03:13:18.219 --> 03:13:19.540
who the quote was. We're not even comics now.

03:13:19.860 --> 03:13:23.579
That's pretty good. We're not even fucking. We

03:13:23.579 --> 03:13:26.860
had nothing. Then when the parks opened up and

03:13:26.860 --> 03:13:28.399
the roofs opened up, it was like, all right,

03:13:28.399 --> 03:13:29.840
I got a purpose. All you guys had to do was not

03:13:29.840 --> 03:13:32.000
be in New York. I left New York and did stand

03:13:32.000 --> 03:13:33.780
-up. No, New York. Oh, really? It was going on

03:13:33.780 --> 03:13:35.799
in New York. That was fucking lame, dude. The

03:13:35.799 --> 03:13:37.459
rooftop shows. Anytime I went back to New York,

03:13:37.500 --> 03:13:39.670
it was a rooftop or you're out front. Rooftop.

03:13:39.870 --> 03:13:42.809
Tiny cupboard. Out front of the stand. You were

03:13:42.809 --> 03:13:44.750
doing the street in the stand. That was rough.

03:13:45.129 --> 03:13:46.989
A lady would be walking her dog through you in

03:13:46.989 --> 03:13:48.590
the crowd. That shit sucked. Fitzsimmons, because

03:13:48.590 --> 03:13:50.729
they'd walk by through the crowd. Fitzsimmons

03:13:50.729 --> 03:13:52.409
would be like, just like, as soon as anybody

03:13:52.409 --> 03:13:53.750
comes, I'm just going to fucking roast them.

03:13:53.829 --> 03:13:55.950
Just a fucking, just someone walking down the

03:13:55.950 --> 03:13:56.989
street. Yeah, but all you have to do is leave

03:13:56.989 --> 03:14:01.049
this. I did the road in June of the pandemic.

03:14:01.049 --> 03:14:04.950
I did, too. I did Texas and Florida. I did hyenas

03:14:04.950 --> 03:14:09.420
in Fort Worth, like, early. And there was no

03:14:09.420 --> 03:14:11.840
distancing. Wow. I walked in. It was a fucking

03:14:11.840 --> 03:14:15.379
packed, full room. And even I, who deny the fucking

03:14:15.379 --> 03:14:19.100
COVID, walked in. And I was like, god damn, dude.

03:14:19.239 --> 03:14:22.180
You guys are wild. This is scary. I did one weekend

03:14:22.180 --> 03:14:26.159
in Houston in July. Me and Hitchcliff Moses did

03:14:26.159 --> 03:14:28.280
one weekend in Houston. And I was like, I can't

03:14:28.280 --> 03:14:30.059
do this anymore. I'm like, what if I get somebody

03:14:30.059 --> 03:14:32.809
sick? That's all I can think of. I'm being selfish.

03:14:33.049 --> 03:14:35.270
Somebody's a fat grandparent comes out that they

03:14:35.270 --> 03:14:37.309
live with, and you're like, oh, fuck. The problem

03:14:37.309 --> 03:14:40.569
with me is that I did podcasts. It's like, what

03:14:40.569 --> 03:14:42.370
if I got a guest sick? And this is when we were

03:14:42.370 --> 03:14:44.350
testing every day. We were testing even back

03:14:44.350 --> 03:14:46.969
then. That was crazy. Tested. Every day we tested.

03:14:47.129 --> 03:14:49.209
No one else did that. No one did that. You took

03:14:49.209 --> 03:14:52.030
the most precautions when it came to COVID of

03:14:52.030 --> 03:14:54.090
anything I've seen. Yeah, I wanted to make sure.

03:14:54.209 --> 03:14:57.409
Also, we had a nurse on staff. Deniability. They

03:14:57.409 --> 03:14:59.909
don't have it. God, I miss her. I loved her.

03:14:59.979 --> 03:15:02.760
Did everything we needed to do in terms of getting

03:15:02.760 --> 03:15:08.559
shots. Gave people B12 shots and IV vitamin drips.

03:15:08.680 --> 03:15:11.040
You look better than you did before. Yeah. Norma

03:15:11.040 --> 03:15:14.180
came over to my podcast studio for like, I just

03:15:14.180 --> 03:15:16.479
opened it. And then COVID hit. I'm like, fuck.

03:15:17.389 --> 03:15:19.190
I know. Everyone was like, Schultz, Michelle

03:15:19.190 --> 03:15:21.049
Wolf, I can't, can't. Norman came over. We did

03:15:21.049 --> 03:15:23.329
one podcast. Were you guys nervous being around

03:15:23.329 --> 03:15:25.110
each other? Not at all. We wore masks and ski

03:15:25.110 --> 03:15:28.049
masks and shit. We made a joke out of it. Because

03:15:28.049 --> 03:15:29.870
it was like, this doesn't seem real. It was funny.

03:15:30.049 --> 03:15:32.790
I remember we were going, this is going to end

03:15:32.790 --> 03:15:35.190
everyone at each other's throats. No more gender

03:15:35.190 --> 03:15:38.010
politics fighting. I thought it was going to

03:15:38.010 --> 03:15:39.610
save the world. I thought it was going to cleanse

03:15:39.610 --> 03:15:41.649
everything. Hey, we all hate each other. I think

03:15:41.649 --> 03:15:44.149
it kind of did. No, it made everything way worse.

03:15:44.690 --> 03:15:46.889
People got crazy. I think that shit's gone, dude.

03:15:47.049 --> 03:15:48.629
If you're still who it is. Being home in front

03:15:48.629 --> 03:15:51.530
of your fucking anger box made everybody way

03:15:51.530 --> 03:15:54.190
worse. If you're still in the culture war. Culture

03:15:54.190 --> 03:15:56.170
war. Get out of it. Get out of it. It's over.

03:15:56.569 --> 03:15:58.610
Yeah, some people need it, though. That's like

03:15:58.610 --> 03:16:00.569
where they get their identity from. It's over.

03:16:00.709 --> 03:16:02.250
It's their whole personality. There's turtles

03:16:02.250 --> 03:16:04.610
in the fucking river here. Go have a fucking

03:16:04.610 --> 03:16:07.370
walk. Go be funny. Go do comedy. Go get laughs.

03:16:07.510 --> 03:16:10.120
Turtles in the river. That's the distraction.

03:16:10.620 --> 03:16:13.659
I saw those turtles, and then immediately I was

03:16:13.659 --> 03:16:16.360
excited. I go, oh, turtles. I like to see turtles.

03:16:16.479 --> 03:16:18.540
And then I saw a tent, and I was like, oh, there's

03:16:18.540 --> 03:16:23.459
a man dying in the mud. It's good we walked here.

03:16:23.680 --> 03:16:25.319
They found an alligator in one of the lakes out

03:16:25.319 --> 03:16:28.219
here. No. Yeah, it's very rare, but occasionally

03:16:28.219 --> 03:16:31.739
someone will fucking let a pet loose. They have

03:16:31.739 --> 03:16:34.120
alligators in south Texas, though. Yeah. Have

03:16:34.120 --> 03:16:36.760
we talked about this on here? What? That guy

03:16:36.760 --> 03:16:39.379
who died. And his last words were, fuck those

03:16:39.379 --> 03:16:42.079
alligators. And he jumped off a dock. He was

03:16:42.079 --> 03:16:43.680
drinking in a bar. And they were like, you can't

03:16:43.680 --> 03:16:46.079
go in that lake. Fuck those alligators. Tons

03:16:46.079 --> 03:16:48.059
of alligators. And his last words were, fuck

03:16:48.059 --> 03:16:50.479
those alligators. And he just jumped in. He got

03:16:50.479 --> 03:16:52.620
munched. He got cut in half. We definitely have

03:16:52.620 --> 03:16:53.979
talked about this on here. I don't remember.

03:16:54.760 --> 03:16:58.079
And then a few days later, his friend went out

03:16:58.079 --> 03:17:00.989
on the lake and killed the alligator. Where are

03:17:00.989 --> 03:17:03.590
we here? Florida? I think it's out Texas. Oh,

03:17:03.590 --> 03:17:05.790
wow. Fuck that alligator. Man killed seconds

03:17:05.790 --> 03:17:10.090
after mocking gator warning. Oh, my God. Damn.

03:17:10.149 --> 03:17:12.110
28 -year -old Texas man was attacked and killed

03:17:12.110 --> 03:17:14.209
by an alligator almost immediately. Fuck that

03:17:14.209 --> 03:17:16.049
alligator. After being warned by a bystander

03:17:16.049 --> 03:17:19.270
not to swim in the water. Replying, fuck that

03:17:19.270 --> 03:17:21.469
alligator before jumping in, Bugs Feed reports.

03:17:21.489 --> 03:17:24.430
11 -foot gator. Whoa, that's a big, big thing.

03:17:24.430 --> 03:17:26.110
The next thing I know, I didn't even know how

03:17:26.110 --> 03:17:28.469
long it was. I saw his body floating face down.

03:17:28.649 --> 03:17:33.180
Wait, wait, wait. I saw his body floating face

03:17:33.180 --> 03:17:34.780
down, and then he's up there for a couple seconds,

03:17:34.959 --> 03:17:36.840
and then he gets dragged back down and pulled

03:17:36.840 --> 03:17:40.819
off. He's just neat. He's just neat. It's pretty

03:17:40.819 --> 03:17:42.899
fun, though, to be hammered and be like, fuck

03:17:42.899 --> 03:17:45.909
that fucking loser. He went for it. He went for

03:17:45.909 --> 03:17:47.549
it. He failed, but he went for it. Yeah, an alligator

03:17:47.549 --> 03:17:49.989
killed an 85 -year -old woman yesterday. Damn.

03:17:50.010 --> 03:17:52.709
Look at him getting fucking... He's behind his

03:17:52.709 --> 03:17:55.510
back. He's got the duct tape on the mouth. He's

03:17:55.510 --> 03:17:58.309
behind his back. He's being let off like a fucking

03:17:58.309 --> 03:18:01.649
terrorist. Look how they do it as arms. The dog

03:18:01.649 --> 03:18:03.549
survived and she didn't, which is pretty crazy.

03:18:03.770 --> 03:18:06.110
Wow. Dog survived? Dog survived. That's always

03:18:06.110 --> 03:18:09.600
nice. That's always the worst part. When I was

03:18:09.600 --> 03:18:11.059
young, we used to go to Hilton Head in South

03:18:11.059 --> 03:18:13.819
Carolina, and it would always be you're walking

03:18:13.819 --> 03:18:16.420
your dog, and the fucking gator grabs it. They

03:18:16.420 --> 03:18:18.399
love the dogs. Dogs bark at the alligators. They

03:18:18.399 --> 03:18:19.819
don't know. So they just bark at it. They stay

03:18:19.819 --> 03:18:21.860
right on the edge, and the alligator's like,

03:18:21.959 --> 03:18:24.799
I'm just coming at you. I'm going to eat you.

03:18:25.559 --> 03:18:28.840
It's so many of them, too. They ate a baby in

03:18:28.840 --> 03:18:31.159
Disney World. Orlando, yeah. Yeah, you got to

03:18:31.159 --> 03:18:32.899
shoot them in the head. It's the only way. That's

03:18:32.899 --> 03:18:34.319
when those people were like, there was some chick

03:18:34.319 --> 03:18:36.399
at CBS or something. She goes, fuck that man

03:18:36.399 --> 03:18:39.479
whose baby died. And they're like, what? Who

03:18:39.479 --> 03:18:42.000
said that? Somebody from CBS or somebody high

03:18:42.000 --> 03:18:44.959
up, some chick who was like. you know, angered.

03:18:45.200 --> 03:18:47.139
And then they were like, no, no, no, you can't

03:18:47.139 --> 03:18:48.440
actually, or some lawyer, and it's like, you

03:18:48.440 --> 03:18:49.879
can't actually root for somebody, a baby's death.

03:18:50.219 --> 03:18:53.680
Why were they saying fuck the guy whose baby

03:18:53.680 --> 03:18:57.340
got killed? Because he was a man. What? No. It

03:18:57.340 --> 03:19:00.639
was that simple? Just fuck men? Yeah. Really?

03:19:00.780 --> 03:19:03.399
What a nice lady. That's like the worst one ever.

03:19:03.620 --> 03:19:05.940
You fucking save up your money, you go to fucking

03:19:05.940 --> 03:19:08.659
Disney with your family, and a fucking reptile

03:19:08.659 --> 03:19:11.319
eats your fucking child? It's a dinosaur. They

03:19:11.319 --> 03:19:13.020
come out of the water and eat you, and then they

03:19:13.020 --> 03:19:16.170
go back. They're huge. That was really her only

03:19:16.170 --> 03:19:18.149
take? Was like, fuck the guy? Yeah, it was like,

03:19:18.190 --> 03:19:20.329
fine, fuck him. I don't care. Men have done this

03:19:20.329 --> 03:19:26.569
for centuries. Oh, no. I got fingered once. I'm

03:19:26.569 --> 03:19:28.829
glad a two -year -old got eaten by a fucking

03:19:28.829 --> 03:19:33.229
reptile. Oh, God. Jesus Christ. So many people's

03:19:33.229 --> 03:19:35.329
hot takes off of Twitter. It's fucking amazing.

03:19:35.329 --> 03:19:36.709
We were talking about it at a club I was at,

03:19:36.729 --> 03:19:38.750
and how they were boycotting a club because they

03:19:38.750 --> 03:19:40.879
booked someone they didn't like. You know, someone

03:19:40.879 --> 03:19:43.000
who had an allegation or something. And all these

03:19:43.000 --> 03:19:45.079
local comics would boycott it. Like, fuck this

03:19:45.079 --> 03:19:46.680
club. And then on Tuesday, they're like, hey,

03:19:46.700 --> 03:19:48.079
so here's our spots for the week. We can call

03:19:48.079 --> 03:19:51.180
in. And the club owner was like, no. You said

03:19:51.180 --> 03:19:53.959
to fucking boycott a team in my club, you fucking

03:19:53.959 --> 03:19:56.100
idiot. No fucking way. It is a business. Yeah,

03:19:56.180 --> 03:19:57.700
like you just said not to come here. Here's the

03:19:57.700 --> 03:20:01.700
thing about those comics. They always suck. They

03:20:01.700 --> 03:20:04.930
suck. Always. Not a talented one amongst them.

03:20:05.010 --> 03:20:07.090
Yeah, it's never like a high -level working comic

03:20:07.090 --> 03:20:09.229
who's like, I'm out there. No one who's got a

03:20:09.229 --> 03:20:11.350
future. No one who's got a great point of view.

03:20:11.370 --> 03:20:14.030
No one who respects the art. All of them suck.

03:20:14.250 --> 03:20:17.129
They're all just fucking frauds. Well, there's

03:20:17.129 --> 03:20:19.010
this weird notion of like, if you're gone, I'll

03:20:19.010 --> 03:20:22.010
get all the spots. Yeah, that's what it is. That's

03:20:22.010 --> 03:20:25.659
what it is. I don't even know if that's it. I

03:20:25.659 --> 03:20:27.719
think it's just like, I'm trying to be important.

03:20:27.920 --> 03:20:29.799
They're trying to be a part of a big story. Well,

03:20:29.799 --> 03:20:33.079
you get clicks off of hating that person. If

03:20:33.079 --> 03:20:35.079
they had to do it anonymously, they wouldn't

03:20:35.079 --> 03:20:38.680
do it. Virtue signaling is a lot like... This

03:20:38.680 --> 03:20:43.819
is the mud, boys. Let's go back to the gators.

03:20:45.139 --> 03:20:47.379
Virtue signaling is a lot like name dropping.

03:20:47.600 --> 03:20:50.489
It doesn't work. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

03:20:50.569 --> 03:20:53.309
Interesting. It's a thing that people try and

03:20:53.309 --> 03:20:54.649
everybody knows what you're doing. It's like,

03:20:54.690 --> 03:20:57.809
ew. Wow. It doesn't work. It doesn't work. You

03:20:57.809 --> 03:20:59.729
might get some likes on Twitter because people

03:20:59.729 --> 03:21:01.629
are stupid. Dummies will like you. You'll get

03:21:01.629 --> 03:21:03.569
a dummy fan base. You'll get dummies that'll

03:21:03.569 --> 03:21:05.450
like what you're saying, but everybody else knows

03:21:05.450 --> 03:21:07.930
what you're doing. I stand with Ukraine. Yeah,

03:21:08.049 --> 03:21:11.750
look at my flag. Yeah, exactly. No one knew about

03:21:11.750 --> 03:21:14.709
Ukraine 10 minutes ago. Yeah, you got two fucking

03:21:14.709 --> 03:21:18.450
syringes in your profile and then a flag. It's

03:21:18.450 --> 03:21:20.670
just all the same. I stand with France. I stand

03:21:20.670 --> 03:21:23.610
with Haiti. I stand with Ukraine. It's the most

03:21:23.610 --> 03:21:25.530
obvious. No hate with the thing under your eye.

03:21:25.649 --> 03:21:27.469
It's just like, you guys are just being so...

03:21:27.469 --> 03:21:32.069
I see through it. Yeah, well, the best one was

03:21:32.069 --> 03:21:36.729
during COVID when they got everybody to sing

03:21:36.729 --> 03:21:38.930
songs. Come on, cut that. Not that one. Help

03:21:38.930 --> 03:21:41.010
Palestine. The good Palestine. We're going to

03:21:41.010 --> 03:21:42.930
talk about this. Help Palestine. Come on, cut

03:21:42.930 --> 03:21:47.209
that out. Free Palestine. Yeah. Crazy Iblis.

03:21:48.069 --> 03:21:52.030
Iblis. What is that? You're an Iblis. Arabic?

03:21:52.389 --> 03:21:54.649
No, you're the devil. You're the devil. Bring

03:21:54.649 --> 03:21:57.110
Arabic in here, dude? I'll speak a little Arabic

03:21:57.110 --> 03:22:00.090
if I need to. Is that what Iblis is in Arabic?

03:22:00.309 --> 03:22:03.069
Iblis. Devil. Kusamach. That's the only one I

03:22:03.069 --> 03:22:06.190
know. What's it? Kusamach. What is that? Fuck

03:22:06.190 --> 03:22:09.209
your mother. Whoa. Whoa. You didn't have to say

03:22:09.209 --> 03:22:11.870
it like that. That's how they mean it. It sounded

03:22:11.870 --> 03:22:14.969
like a good sandwich. Kusamach. Kusamach. Can

03:22:14.969 --> 03:22:19.629
I get a kusamach on rye? America. Mark, do one

03:22:19.629 --> 03:22:21.450
more. I could use a little more buffalo. No,

03:22:21.510 --> 03:22:25.569
I want Mark to do more. Yeah, the leader of the

03:22:25.569 --> 03:22:28.309
devils. There you go. Not even the devil, the

03:22:28.309 --> 03:22:30.030
leader of them. Iblis, crazy Iblis. Am I the

03:22:30.030 --> 03:22:32.469
leader of the devils? According to Shane Gills,

03:22:32.530 --> 03:22:37.190
you are. You're Iblis. There you go. What else

03:22:37.190 --> 03:22:40.989
is going on, guys? What's the news today? Spy

03:22:40.989 --> 03:22:43.670
balloon. Fucking spy balloons. What do you think

03:22:43.670 --> 03:22:45.190
those balloons are they're shooting? How about

03:22:45.190 --> 03:22:47.549
that one missile they missed? Where'd that thing

03:22:47.549 --> 03:22:49.229
go? They missed the balloon. They missed the

03:22:49.229 --> 03:22:51.450
balloon. Where'd that missile go? Did they? I

03:22:51.450 --> 03:22:53.149
thought they shot a few down. East Lansing, Michigan.

03:22:53.149 --> 03:22:54.610
Yeah, they shot a few down, but they missed one

03:22:54.610 --> 03:22:56.709
time. And so one missile, it's like, I don't

03:22:56.709 --> 03:22:58.489
know where it went. It's like every country has

03:22:58.489 --> 03:23:00.889
spies. They're like, there's spies on us. But

03:23:00.889 --> 03:23:03.370
that's not an arrow. That's a fucking missile.

03:23:03.610 --> 03:23:07.750
Where'd that $400 ,000 Tomahawk missile go? Where'd

03:23:07.750 --> 03:23:12.629
that go? It went to an inner city school in Saskatoon.

03:23:12.909 --> 03:23:15.670
Missed Lake Huron object with first missile strike.

03:23:15.870 --> 03:23:18.030
So it must have went in the lake, I guess. Oh,

03:23:18.069 --> 03:23:19.930
all right. How'd your uncle tell everybody exactly

03:23:19.930 --> 03:23:22.069
where it was and then they couldn't hit a balloon?

03:23:22.510 --> 03:23:25.850
That lady's the worst at that job. She's so good.

03:23:26.409 --> 03:23:28.549
I like the hot chick, the hot white chick. Who's

03:23:28.549 --> 03:23:30.489
the guy from Fox that just goes there and bothers

03:23:30.489 --> 03:23:32.850
them? Peter Doozy. Dude, Peter Doozy was on the

03:23:32.850 --> 03:23:36.670
flight to Ukraine. He got stuck in Warsaw when

03:23:36.670 --> 03:23:39.149
Biden went to Ukraine. It was just making me

03:23:39.149 --> 03:23:41.049
laugh knowing that there's just a guy on the

03:23:41.049 --> 03:23:44.870
plane that's just like, Mr. President, this is

03:23:44.870 --> 03:23:47.729
what you're doing. He's some fucking old guy

03:23:47.729 --> 03:23:50.329
like, get this goddamn asshole off this fucking

03:23:50.329 --> 03:23:53.860
plane. They just have to bring the douche. I

03:23:53.860 --> 03:23:56.579
love how CNN went hard at Trump, like off, like

03:23:56.579 --> 03:23:58.780
not really the news, just try to gotcha questions.

03:23:58.879 --> 03:24:01.520
And then Biden wins and they're like, oh, you

03:24:01.520 --> 03:24:02.700
guys are going to use the tactics we figured

03:24:02.700 --> 03:24:05.780
out of just like derailing conversation. Well,

03:24:05.780 --> 03:24:08.860
Biden has to deal with one douche. He's got Ducey.

03:24:08.860 --> 03:24:11.540
Yeah. Ducey's nonstop. Just like, what the fuck

03:24:11.540 --> 03:24:14.079
are you guys doing? With Trump, it was every

03:24:14.079 --> 03:24:16.360
fucking press conference. All of them. Yeah.

03:24:16.760 --> 03:24:19.079
I love when he was like, you're rude. You're

03:24:19.079 --> 03:24:22.840
rude. Shut up. Next. Next. No. I know who you

03:24:22.840 --> 03:24:24.059
are. Remember when you got the lady? She was

03:24:24.059 --> 03:24:26.159
like, I didn't expect you to call me. I wasn't

03:24:26.159 --> 03:24:28.139
thinking. He was like, you never think. Ooh.

03:24:28.420 --> 03:24:31.219
I remember that one. Everyone was like, yo. It's

03:24:31.219 --> 03:24:33.280
crazy to have a guy who does that who's the president.

03:24:33.540 --> 03:24:36.420
Crazy. That Rand Paul's no joke. He keeps going

03:24:36.420 --> 03:24:39.500
out there. Biden will talk shit. Talk a little

03:24:39.500 --> 03:24:42.219
shit. Biden talks a lot of shit. Really? Yeah.

03:24:42.260 --> 03:24:45.079
These dudes try to come at him. I'm the most

03:24:45.079 --> 03:24:47.799
powerful guy. You're going to fuck with me? I

03:24:47.799 --> 03:24:48.639
haven't seen any shit talking about Biden. Although

03:24:48.639 --> 03:24:51.280
he does the thing. You know what? I've noticed

03:24:51.280 --> 03:24:54.200
Democrats do it a lot is they laugh. When someone

03:24:54.200 --> 03:24:57.079
brings something up to them, they go. Come on,

03:24:57.079 --> 03:24:58.639
man. That's a tag team. Do you know how many

03:24:58.639 --> 03:25:01.180
bodies I have on my count? Come on. Yeah, there

03:25:01.180 --> 03:25:05.340
it is. You're full of shit in a tense gun rights

03:25:05.340 --> 03:25:08.020
argument. Dude with a fucking gangster beard.

03:25:08.860 --> 03:25:11.780
Imagine looking into those vacant eyes and he's

03:25:11.780 --> 03:25:13.139
saying you're full of shit. You're like, oh my

03:25:13.139 --> 03:25:16.020
God, you're a robot. Union worker in fucking

03:25:16.020 --> 03:25:17.879
Delaware and the president comes in and he's

03:25:17.879 --> 03:25:20.200
like, you're full of shit. Yikes. That's heavy.

03:25:20.540 --> 03:25:22.319
That guy probably fucked everyone in the town

03:25:22.319 --> 03:25:24.319
after that. Yeah, that guy rules. He's probably

03:25:24.319 --> 03:25:26.420
a man. I got to fight with the president today.

03:25:26.440 --> 03:25:28.540
He was a man. But Tommy, I like how you stood

03:25:28.540 --> 03:25:31.540
up to that fucking fascist on CNN. Hell yeah.

03:25:33.059 --> 03:25:35.780
That's a credit. That is the hard part is the

03:25:35.780 --> 03:25:38.819
right wing guys are more fun. Yeah. You know

03:25:38.819 --> 03:25:40.239
what I mean? They're fun -loving guys. If you've

03:25:40.239 --> 03:25:42.819
got a union guy with stickers on his helmet that's,

03:25:42.819 --> 03:25:45.420
like, fucking saying wild shit and then he argues

03:25:45.420 --> 03:25:48.020
with the president, it's, like, nice. The opposite

03:25:48.020 --> 03:25:50.340
of that is some fucking fat lady with a crew

03:25:50.340 --> 03:25:53.500
cut being like, Donald Trump is Hitler. You're

03:25:53.500 --> 03:25:54.819
like, I don't want to hang out with that. It

03:25:54.819 --> 03:25:56.299
does not seem fun. I don't want to hang out with

03:25:56.299 --> 03:25:57.840
that guy. I don't want to hang out with that

03:25:57.840 --> 03:26:00.200
lady with the knit cap that's screaming. You

03:26:00.200 --> 03:26:02.079
know that one lady with the knit cap that's like...

03:26:02.079 --> 03:26:04.440
You're just screaming all the time. You know

03:26:04.440 --> 03:26:08.819
that classic video? Meanwhile, if the dude with

03:26:08.819 --> 03:26:11.159
the fucking wolf helmet that broke into the...

03:26:11.159 --> 03:26:13.780
If he was in the show tonight, it'd be like...

03:26:14.730 --> 03:26:16.989
Yo! What are you doing here? That guy at the

03:26:16.989 --> 03:26:19.489
Wolf Helm was at your barbecue? What? That guy's

03:26:19.489 --> 03:26:23.370
a vegan. He's organic. He's organic. He's organic.

03:26:23.610 --> 03:26:24.889
He wasn't trying to be something. He's fucked

03:26:24.889 --> 03:26:27.389
for the rest of his life. Oh, yeah. Obviously,

03:26:27.389 --> 03:26:29.430
you can't fucking do that. He goes down in history

03:26:29.430 --> 03:26:32.250
like that. He's in jail. He's in jail forever.

03:26:32.649 --> 03:26:34.610
Wait, he's in jail forever? He's going to be

03:26:34.610 --> 03:26:36.530
in jail for a long time. Oh, yeah. They're going

03:26:36.530 --> 03:26:37.629
to put him in jail, and he's always going to

03:26:37.629 --> 03:26:39.209
have a record now. He's always going to be that

03:26:39.209 --> 03:26:40.729
guy that did that, that broke into the White

03:26:40.729 --> 03:26:42.170
House. That makes sense, that he's always going

03:26:42.170 --> 03:26:43.879
to be that guy that did that. But how long is

03:26:43.879 --> 03:26:45.260
he going to be in jail? I don't know. It's a

03:26:45.260 --> 03:26:47.840
good question. Pull it up. The shaman, how long

03:26:47.840 --> 03:26:49.840
is he in jail for? 36 months. There he is. He's

03:26:49.840 --> 03:26:53.520
a sexy guy. 40 months in prison followed by 36

03:26:53.520 --> 03:26:55.340
months supervised release. So he's going to do

03:26:55.340 --> 03:26:59.559
41 months in prison. That's not bad. Good behavior.

03:26:59.840 --> 03:27:01.899
He's got three years. Not for treason? That's

03:27:01.899 --> 03:27:04.420
pretty good. And he must pay $2 ,000 in restitution.

03:27:04.459 --> 03:27:07.299
Back in the day, treason was hanging. Back in

03:27:07.299 --> 03:27:09.760
the day, treason was hanging. Oh, yeah. Hang

03:27:09.760 --> 03:27:12.969
him up. What's fucked is how many of those guys

03:27:12.969 --> 03:27:15.309
got talked into going into the White House? And

03:27:15.309 --> 03:27:19.670
how many agents were telling people, get in there

03:27:19.670 --> 03:27:22.090
and take back what's yours? Roy, what's that

03:27:22.090 --> 03:27:24.290
guy's name? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did anything ever

03:27:24.290 --> 03:27:27.850
happen with that? Nothing. No. No. He said he

03:27:27.850 --> 03:27:30.610
wasn't in it. If I'm trying to sneak drugs into

03:27:30.610 --> 03:27:33.049
a plane and all my friends tell me it's fine.

03:27:33.090 --> 03:27:36.250
But didn't he not get in trouble? Didn't he also

03:27:36.250 --> 03:27:38.110
not even? Yeah, no, he didn't get in trouble.

03:27:39.159 --> 03:27:41.420
They were like, no, he's not one of us, but also

03:27:41.420 --> 03:27:44.520
no charges? Yeah, exactly. Meanwhile, he said,

03:27:44.899 --> 03:27:46.920
I'm just saying, we got to get in there. And

03:27:46.920 --> 03:27:48.959
everyone was like, you're a fed. Yeah. Like,

03:27:48.959 --> 03:27:50.979
there's videos of him the night before being

03:27:50.979 --> 03:27:53.219
like, we got to get into that building. And dudes

03:27:53.219 --> 03:27:55.219
that are like alt -right dudes are like, no,

03:27:55.479 --> 03:27:58.680
you're a fucking fed. He's like, I'm not a fed.

03:27:58.799 --> 03:28:01.420
Come on, guys. Let's break in. Alex Jones was

03:28:01.420 --> 03:28:03.239
out there with a bullhorn telling people not

03:28:03.239 --> 03:28:06.040
to go in. Really? And they hate him. He was saying,

03:28:06.120 --> 03:28:07.659
it's a trick. It's a trap. They're trying to

03:28:07.659 --> 03:28:09.819
get you to go in there. Don't do it. Don't go

03:28:09.819 --> 03:28:12.700
in there. It's peculiar. I think now that we've

03:28:12.700 --> 03:28:14.680
had a couple drinks, we should discuss it. It

03:28:14.680 --> 03:28:17.420
is peculiar. It is interesting, that's all. Well,

03:28:17.420 --> 03:28:20.159
there's so many instances, like the Gretchen

03:28:20.159 --> 03:28:22.540
Whitmer thing. Michigan, right? Yeah, the governor

03:28:22.540 --> 03:28:25.100
of Michigan. Oh, like 11? Yeah, all of them.

03:28:25.219 --> 03:28:29.399
14 people, 12 of them were FBI informants. They

03:28:29.399 --> 03:28:31.299
tricked two dumb guys? Yeah, tricked two dumb

03:28:31.299 --> 03:28:33.360
guys who are going to jail forever. 12 FBI informants

03:28:33.360 --> 03:28:36.680
tricked two dumb guys? See, our politicians are

03:28:36.680 --> 03:28:38.420
under attack. We have to do something. They never

03:28:38.420 --> 03:28:40.319
would have done anything. You guys literally

03:28:40.319 --> 03:28:43.579
formed the idea. You came up with the idea. You

03:28:43.579 --> 03:28:46.180
instigated it. You formed the plan. They planned

03:28:46.180 --> 03:28:48.280
it all out. We might have talked about this before.

03:28:49.100 --> 03:28:52.139
There's a documentary. It was on Amazon. It was

03:28:52.139 --> 03:28:54.479
about these dudes in Miami. There was like six

03:28:54.479 --> 03:28:57.719
black dudes that got roped in by an FBI informant.

03:28:58.190 --> 03:29:00.370
They were like trying to have a construction

03:29:00.370 --> 03:29:03.270
business. And the guy was like, he's an FBI informant.

03:29:03.290 --> 03:29:05.250
He gets 100K for everybody he fucking brings

03:29:05.250 --> 03:29:10.170
in. Wow. He was like, what if we, my uncle's

03:29:10.170 --> 03:29:11.950
Osama bin Laden. Do you want to meet him? They're

03:29:11.950 --> 03:29:13.909
from fucking Dade County. They're like, yeah,

03:29:14.010 --> 03:29:16.850
I don't, yeah. Sure. And then he's like, all

03:29:16.850 --> 03:29:18.790
right. And they have like hidden cameras. And

03:29:18.790 --> 03:29:21.389
they're interviewing just a dumb dude from Dade

03:29:21.389 --> 03:29:22.989
County. And they're like, what do you want to

03:29:22.989 --> 03:29:24.690
do? What's your terrorist plan? And the guy's

03:29:24.690 --> 03:29:28.500
like. We're going to blow up Chicago. Really?

03:29:29.139 --> 03:29:33.120
Yeah, the Liberty City 7. Wow. So they went to

03:29:33.120 --> 03:29:35.860
jail? I think they went to fucking Guantanamo.

03:29:35.979 --> 03:29:38.440
What? This is Shane's Google search when he's

03:29:38.440 --> 03:29:41.299
drunk at home alone. I never heard of this one

03:29:41.299 --> 03:29:44.940
before. This is preposterous, dude. Whoa. Wow.

03:29:46.319 --> 03:29:49.219
Haitian voodoo. Syncretic view? What is a syncretic

03:29:49.219 --> 03:29:52.840
view? They missed Judaism, Christianity, and

03:29:52.840 --> 03:29:54.579
a little bit of Islam. There was one of them

03:29:54.579 --> 03:29:58.319
that was like a black Israelite kind of. But

03:29:58.319 --> 03:30:00.540
so they just instigated these guys and talked

03:30:00.540 --> 03:30:01.979
them into doing things like they do with everybody.

03:30:01.979 --> 03:30:03.600
They instigated them and they were like, literally

03:30:03.600 --> 03:30:05.180
they were like, we have no idea what this is.

03:30:05.180 --> 03:30:07.719
We're trying to get $100 ,000 from these dudes.

03:30:07.940 --> 03:30:10.239
Crazy how many times people have done this. Oh,

03:30:10.340 --> 03:30:12.340
there they are. Yeah, they're just regular fucking

03:30:12.340 --> 03:30:14.200
dudes. They just talked them into saying we're

03:30:14.200 --> 03:30:16.600
going to blow up Chicago. Yeah, he was like,

03:30:16.600 --> 03:30:22.579
162 months in prison. Holy shit. Did nothing.

03:30:22.819 --> 03:30:26.159
They did nothing wrong. 112 months in prison.

03:30:26.809 --> 03:30:30.629
Do any of the men have actual contact with any

03:30:30.629 --> 03:30:32.930
members of al -Qaeda they know of? The answer

03:30:32.930 --> 03:30:37.510
to that is no. Look at that case. 162 months

03:30:37.510 --> 03:30:41.389
in prison followed by 35 years of supervised

03:30:41.389 --> 03:30:42.770
release. Make sure no more terrorist attacks.

03:30:42.870 --> 03:30:45.690
35 years. It's a check -in. I'd like to meet

03:30:45.690 --> 03:30:47.909
bin Laden. You know, if he said, hey, you want

03:30:47.909 --> 03:30:49.129
to meet him, I'd go, I don't need to meet him.

03:30:49.610 --> 03:30:52.149
Most of them would be out by now almost. For

03:30:52.149 --> 03:30:54.590
sure. They're all out. Everyone except for him

03:30:54.590 --> 03:30:56.770
would be out. They got fucked. Where's their

03:30:56.770 --> 03:30:58.510
podcast? If you watch the video, there's like,

03:30:58.629 --> 03:31:02.020
it's, they're dumb. Right. They just got talked

03:31:02.020 --> 03:31:04.760
into it. And also, they don't have a fucking

03:31:04.760 --> 03:31:06.379
attorney. Young, unsophisticated, don't know

03:31:06.379 --> 03:31:08.280
what's going on, don't know they're getting roped

03:31:08.280 --> 03:31:10.899
into it. And there's a dumb FBI informant. The

03:31:10.899 --> 03:31:13.100
FBI informant's a fucking idiot. He's just a

03:31:13.100 --> 03:31:15.479
dumb guy that's like, I get paid to get people

03:31:15.479 --> 03:31:18.159
captured. How crazy is that? That's an incentive

03:31:18.159 --> 03:31:21.139
program. There's an incentive. Financial incentive.

03:31:21.139 --> 03:31:22.780
There's an incentive to be like, we stopped the

03:31:22.780 --> 03:31:25.200
terrorist plot. Meanwhile, it's fucking seven

03:31:25.200 --> 03:31:27.879
dudes from Miami that are morons that never would

03:31:27.879 --> 03:31:28.799
have done anything. What are you talking about?

03:31:29.000 --> 03:31:30.739
Look at this. Question. Did any of these men

03:31:30.739 --> 03:31:33.139
have actual contact with any members of Al -Qaeda

03:31:33.139 --> 03:31:36.360
that you know of? The answer is no. Question.

03:31:36.700 --> 03:31:39.120
Did they have any means to carry out this plot?

03:31:39.280 --> 03:31:41.860
I mean, did you find any explosive weapons? Attorney

03:31:41.860 --> 03:31:45.379
General, you raise a good point. We took action

03:31:45.379 --> 03:31:48.670
when we had enough evidence. Question, was there

03:31:48.670 --> 03:31:51.510
anything against the Sears Tower other than this

03:31:51.510 --> 03:31:53.930
one apparent just kind of mention of the Sears

03:31:53.930 --> 03:31:56.889
Tower? It doesn't look like they even took pictures

03:31:56.889 --> 03:32:00.170
of FBI, director of FBI. One of the individuals

03:32:00.170 --> 03:32:02.790
was familiar with the Sears Tower, had worked

03:32:02.790 --> 03:32:05.090
in Chicago, and was familiar with the tower.

03:32:05.270 --> 03:32:08.489
But in terms of plans, it was more aspirational

03:32:08.489 --> 03:32:10.110
than operational. He should have heard his plan.

03:32:10.309 --> 03:32:12.590
Unbelievable. He was like, the Sears Tower, that's

03:32:12.590 --> 03:32:16.979
the biggest building in the world. Exactly. That

03:32:16.979 --> 03:32:20.059
was the whole plan. It literally was like fucking...

03:32:20.059 --> 03:32:22.120
It was like the Kung Fu instructors from the...

03:32:22.120 --> 03:32:24.360
And then we're going to blow up. And he used

03:32:24.360 --> 03:32:26.780
cups on the table. He was like, we're going to

03:32:26.780 --> 03:32:28.420
blow this part of the city up, and then there's

03:32:28.420 --> 03:32:30.100
going to be a tidal wave. It's going to fucking

03:32:30.100 --> 03:32:32.360
kill everybody. And they were like, all right,

03:32:32.360 --> 03:32:34.360
we got them. Look at this. A lot of big shows

03:32:34.360 --> 03:32:35.979
have been made of the militaristic boots they

03:32:35.979 --> 03:32:38.379
had. It turns out the FBI bought them the boots.

03:32:38.520 --> 03:32:42.120
Wow. Wow. Yikes. It was one of the biggest pieces

03:32:42.120 --> 03:32:43.940
of evidence. The group might have taken pictures

03:32:43.940 --> 03:32:47.120
of a bunch of targets in South Florida, but the

03:32:47.120 --> 03:32:49.020
guys couldn't afford their own cameras, so the

03:32:49.020 --> 03:32:51.209
federal government... bought them the cameras.

03:32:51.469 --> 03:32:52.950
They couldn't afford their own cameras. How are

03:32:52.950 --> 03:32:53.629
they going to blow up a building? The federal

03:32:53.629 --> 03:32:56.389
government rented the cars that they needed to

03:32:56.389 --> 03:32:59.069
get downtown in order to take the pictures. In

03:32:59.069 --> 03:33:02.770
addition, the men provided the FBI informant

03:33:02.770 --> 03:33:04.649
with a list of things they needed in order to

03:33:04.649 --> 03:33:06.350
blow up these buildings. The FBI's like, could

03:33:06.350 --> 03:33:08.629
you do anything on your own? But in the list,

03:33:08.629 --> 03:33:12.750
they didn't include any explosives or any materials

03:33:12.750 --> 03:33:16.409
which could be used to make explosives. So everyone

03:33:16.409 --> 03:33:20.569
in Liberty City is joking. Everyone in Livery

03:33:20.569 --> 03:33:22.809
City was joking that the guys were going to kick

03:33:22.809 --> 03:33:25.229
down the FBI building with their new boots. Ay,

03:33:25.350 --> 03:33:28.790
ay, ay. Fuck. It's pretty sad. Yeah. It is pretty

03:33:28.790 --> 03:33:30.629
sad. I can't believe I have to piss again. Oh,

03:33:30.649 --> 03:33:32.229
yeah. I'm still going strong. Let's get that

03:33:32.229 --> 03:33:33.610
piss, then we'll wrap it up. I haven't pissed

03:33:33.610 --> 03:33:35.909
yet. We should just wrap it up now. It's 6 o

03:33:35.909 --> 03:33:37.549
'clock. You sure? Plugs? Plugs? Get something

03:33:37.549 --> 03:33:41.489
to eat. Yeah. Plugs? Plugs. I haven't pissed.

03:33:42.340 --> 03:33:43.719
That's pretty good. Mark Mann, congratulations.

03:33:44.319 --> 03:33:47.299
I got the Beacon Theater March 24th. Hell yeah.

03:33:47.399 --> 03:33:49.540
Followed by an entire European tour at the end

03:33:49.540 --> 03:33:52.379
of April. Glasgow, London, Manchester, then all

03:33:52.379 --> 03:33:55.299
through fucking Romania. rschaffer .com rschaffer

03:33:55.299 --> 03:33:56.540
.com for all those tickets. You got that right.

03:33:56.840 --> 03:33:58.920
Mark Norman, where you at? Hey, I'm all over

03:33:58.920 --> 03:34:00.799
the road. I don't know when this comes out. Especially

03:34:00.799 --> 03:34:04.200
because Dan Soder. Theater tour announcing this

03:34:04.200 --> 03:34:07.459
summer. Going to Australia, UK. I'm coming to

03:34:07.459 --> 03:34:10.799
your town. We're all over the place. MarkNorwinComedy

03:34:10.799 --> 03:34:13.500
.com, We Might Be Drunk, Get Bodega Cat, Tuesdays

03:34:13.500 --> 03:34:15.079
with Stories. Damn, you've got a good website.

03:34:15.399 --> 03:34:17.520
That's a good website. Oh, you like that? All

03:34:17.520 --> 03:34:20.940
right. Solid. Dinks. Solid. All right. Fire his

03:34:20.940 --> 03:34:24.440
guy. I'm in Jersey soon. I'm really running through

03:34:24.440 --> 03:34:26.579
the mud. Look at these rooms. I'm really kicking

03:34:26.579 --> 03:34:29.780
my own ass here. Look at you. You're going to

03:34:29.780 --> 03:34:32.299
the fucking cold places in the winter. Exactly.

03:34:32.559 --> 03:34:34.520
She's getting hard reps for her special. Bad

03:34:34.520 --> 03:34:37.780
reps. Bad people dead inside. Come on out. Say

03:34:37.780 --> 03:34:40.760
hello. Queef it up. Praise Allah. Shane Gilles.

03:34:41.920 --> 03:34:44.639
Gillian Keeves is on Amazon. We just got that

03:34:44.639 --> 03:34:47.180
up. That's pretty neat. That's fun. We're going

03:34:47.180 --> 03:34:49.020
to add some shows to this. Your fucking website

03:34:49.020 --> 03:34:51.780
sucks, dude. My website does suck. Comparison

03:34:51.780 --> 03:34:53.260
to Normans. Queen Elizabeth is great. That's

03:34:53.260 --> 03:34:55.180
a good theater. I don't know any of this. Minneapolis.

03:34:56.579 --> 03:34:59.040
Yeah, check them out. Toronto, go out to Canada.

03:34:59.059 --> 03:35:04.180
Oh, but me, Big J, Nick Mullen, and Tim Dillon

03:35:04.180 --> 03:35:08.219
are doing two shows. We're doing one in the Giant

03:35:08.219 --> 03:35:10.920
Center in Hershey, PA, and one of them is in

03:35:10.920 --> 03:35:12.600
South Carolina. I forget where it is. Greenville.

03:35:13.280 --> 03:35:16.420
Greenville, maybe. South Carolina. Is it on your

03:35:16.420 --> 03:35:19.079
website? No. No. But it's coming. Okay, when

03:35:19.079 --> 03:35:20.319
are you going to announce that? I don't know.

03:35:20.639 --> 03:35:23.280
Instagram? Yeah, we've got to come up with a

03:35:23.280 --> 03:35:25.610
dumb name for it. The four bottoms. My name in

03:35:25.610 --> 03:35:27.750
my current tour is the many people believe that

03:35:27.750 --> 03:35:30.569
Tony Hinchcliffe is gay tour. Ah, now we're talking.

03:35:30.809 --> 03:35:35.530
How many? What's the number? Many people believe?

03:35:36.889 --> 03:35:43.889
It's just percentage. 78. That's it. Goodbye,

03:35:43.950 --> 03:35:45.729
everybody. I don't think we need to do any editing

03:35:45.729 --> 03:35:46.870
on this one. This episode is brought to you by

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Igloo Coolers. Guys, if you've got to throw up

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in a cooler, choose Igloo. It's the best coolers

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to hold in your vomit. What about the Whippets?

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the best, cleanest Whippets you can find in the

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market today. It really says Whippet on it. Really?

03:36:03.170 --> 03:36:06.129
Are they designed for Whippets? Oh, wow. It calls

03:36:06.129 --> 03:36:08.409
it Whippet Cartridge. That's crazy. Like, they're

03:36:08.409 --> 03:36:10.729
encouraging people to take Whippets. Don't forget

03:36:10.729 --> 03:36:13.690
your crackers. You can't call them that or they

03:36:13.690 --> 03:36:15.350
won't serve you. He's just like, no, we're not

03:36:15.350 --> 03:36:18.649
doing that. All right. Get your genuine crackers.

03:36:18.770 --> 03:36:20.510
You guys rule. Bye, everybody. Bye.