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"Welcome to this curated educational transcript of the Joe Rogan Experience. In this session, we provide a deep-dive examination of the critical perspectives and historical dialogues presented in Episode #2333. Our mission is to offer a high-fidelity, searchable research resource for students of cultural history, emerging technology, and global discourse. This transcript has been specifically optimized for academic reference, linguistic study, and archival preservation regarding Group Improvisation Dynamics, Contemporary Satire, and Independent Media Evolution."
Joe Rogan Podcast. Check it out. The Joe Rogan

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Experience. Train by day. Joe Rogan Podcast by

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night. All day. You're done. We're rolling. Don't

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do anything illegal. Are you on the Ozempic?

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No. Come on. Everybody's on the Zim. I think

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it's probably bad for you. It might in the end

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be bad for you. There's also that part of me

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I can't bring myself to actually not work out.

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You look ripped. No, no, no. You're allowed to

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work out. You don't want to talk about it, but

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look at those shoulders. Look at those shoulders,

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dog. Those shoulders are coming in strong. You

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look noticeably thicker. That's what I said to

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my trainer. He's like, you want to lose weight?

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I said, no. Bigger. I want to get jacked. Dude,

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you've been in this gym like super fucking consistent.

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If I'm in Austin, I come here. It's awesome.

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Every day. It's very nice. Every time you open

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that door and I see you pop out, I'm like, fuck

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yeah. He's dead after it. Get after it. Do you

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worry about the buff comedy, though? I will never

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actually get into it. Well, I very rarely wear

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a t -shirt on stage. Or anything tight. Shirtless

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is my mood. I just want to look like a fucking

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champ. Take a shot off like Hulk Hogan. That's

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fun. Start comedy. Yeah, Kreischer, when he started

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losing weight and he was getting jacked, I'm

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like, you're taking away from your act there,

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fella. Exactly. You look like a football player

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now. Like, Burt was getting some big, thick -ass

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shoulders. A lot of fat jokes. No. If any. No,

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you don't really. You might make fun of yourself

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if it helps something. Yeah. It doesn't matter.

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Well, you're not fat enough. You're more like

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squishy. Yeah, just a fat guy. You're not like

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a fat guy. So absurdly fat that we have to talk

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about it. Bert doesn't really do fat jokes either.

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No. No. No. Really? No, not really. Sometimes

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you just gotta attack the elephant in the room

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just to get it out of the way, but then after

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that, fuck it. But if you're really good, you

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don't even need it. But if you have a joke that's

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funny that's felt like who fucking cares That's

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the weirdest thing is comics like policing what

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should be talked about mmm If someone comes up

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with the most amazing fart joke of all time,

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I'm gonna die laughing, you know It's like I

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don't do any I don't have any but yeah on anything

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and everything there's a take on anything and

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everything that's like No, not yet, Joe. Come

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on. What's that? You're bad at loose today, dude.

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What's up with you? He's fired up, dude. He's

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game, dude. You've pulled out three drugs. I've

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been here eight minutes. Shh. There's no drugs.

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Shut the fuck up. No drugs. It's just nicotine.

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Just Ozempic. Don't get the feds on us. Lucy

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Breakers. What's the hecklefish? Oh, that's from,

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you ever see that YouTube show, The Y Files?

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No. It's a great fucking show. It's all about,

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like, fucking aliens and why you can't go into

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the Grand Canyon and, you know, secret fucking

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temples and stuff like that. And AJ Gentile is

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the host, and then this is a fish that sits in

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the fish tank next to him and talks shit to him.

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Well the thing is like now everybody comes and

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they give me something for the table that's like

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part of the fun I got this little old Mac head

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That's sick. From Luke Caverns. Pretty dope.

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I also got an Aztec death whistle. Do not blow

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it. I blew it. I blew it. It's Theo's. Last time

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we had one of these and we blew it. You blew

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a death whistle. Callan blew it on the podcast

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and the pandemic started a month later. I'm not

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kidding. Fucking LA was locked down. People were

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connecting it to the death whistle. It was a

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conspiracy theory. Oh, poor Bob. Sorry. You got

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me. Ah, the death whistle. Because I think...

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That one drives me nuts. Yeah. Pop Saget does?

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Yeah, because it's the same thing that happened

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to Heather McDonald. Blacked out, fell, smashed

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her head, died. She lived because she was on

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stage and luckily they got medical help. Rug.

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Wrong enough stage also. It was fake? No, rug.

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Oh, no, it was hardwood. I don't think it was

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a roll. Hardwood. What stage was it? I've seen

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that video 30 times. It's hardwood. Yeah, I don't

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know. Her head bounces. It's very terrifying

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because that's how people die in street fights.

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That's the big reason why people die in street

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fights. They get knocked out and they hit their

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head. It's not from getting punched to death

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most of the time. Right. Most of the time it's

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falling and hitting your head. Remember the knockout

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game? Knockout game. Oh, that is so scary. Yeah.

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Terrifying. That's so scary. Filming crimes is

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a very... No, that's a hard stage. We're already

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watching it again. That stage is hard as fuck.

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Here she goes. Get the Hitler speech. Oh! Wow.

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It kind of gets enveloped into the stage. Fractured

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her skull. That was crazy. Really? Fractured

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her skull. Yeah. Whoa. Yeah. Scary shit. Yikes.

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You bleed in the brain. Didn't need the whole

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thing. That was perfect. Possibility you'll never

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be the same again. Question is, did it kill?

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Did it get a laugh? It got the biggest laugh

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ever. All right. Well, it might have been worth

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it. Until people found out it was real. Yeah,

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they thought it was just being hilarious. Oh,

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wow. Which is the way you would do it. You ever

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get an accidental joke where you say something

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and everyone laughs? You're like, oh, I can see

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the double meaning on that. I'll pretend I meant

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that. Oh, yeah, definitely. Well, that's the

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difference between writing it and saying it,

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right? You write it and you're like, I think

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I know how to go with this. And then you get

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on stage and say it and you're like, oh, that's

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the funny part. This is fucking ridiculous. The

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fact that this exists is ridiculous. Yeah, I'm

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always embarrassed if I wrote something. And

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then say it, and it's not even close. What the

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fuck was I thinking? At this point, I always

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think of it as like a scaffolding. I'm like,

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I don't know what's good until I get up there.

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Yeah, well, it's funny how when you're in your

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apartment, you're killing. You're like, man,

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this is good stuff. And then when you get up

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there, you can like feel, this won't work. Right

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when you're on stage. I don't know why I'm saying

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this. But when you have people in front of you,

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you're like, oh, this is not going to hit. Oh,

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my God, it's the best. And then you went into

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it with so prepared. And then they're just looking

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at you like. I don't get it. You go into it like,

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I wrote a new bit today. This thing's going to

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fucking kill. Yeah. In your notebook. Two words

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into it, you go. That's why comedy is great,

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because you can never really crack it. You can

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get better at it, but you can never really go,

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this is going to work. It's also a truly collaborative

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thing. You have to have an audience. Yeah. Gary

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Clark Jr. could write a fucking amazing album

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by himself in his private music studio, and nobody

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has to hear it until you listen to it the first

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time. You're like, God damn. Oliver Anthony's

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new album. I haven't heard it. Bro. Really? Bro.

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There's a song. We're going to play this song.

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You can't play it on the air. So we'll play it.

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The same one you already sent me? Oh, yeah. I

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should have it already. We'll play it, and then

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we'll react to it. Okay. I'll tell you guys.

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Cut all this out. I'll tell you guys what happened.

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So Oliver Anthony has no money, right? He's poor.

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He's selling farm equipment. He puts this song

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on YouTube. He's a fucking superstar, right?

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He doesn't know what to do. He freaks out. He

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asked me for advice. I call him on the phone.

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We have a conversation for like a fucking hour

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where I go, don't sign anything with anybody.

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And he's like, they're telling me I have to strike

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while the iron's hot. I go, bullshit. They're

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trying to steal money from you. I go, you're

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independent. You're already there. You already

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made it. I know if you wrote that song. I'm like,

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if you wrote that song, you could write a dozen

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of those fucking songs. You don't need anybody.

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He's like, they're offering me $7 million. I

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go, no, no, no. They're offering to steal money

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from you for the rest. to your life. That's what

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they're doing. I go, you don't need them. You

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have talent. So cut to, he starts making millions

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of dollars, doing arenas. The wife divorces him.

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She wants everything. She wants everything. She

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wants more than half. She wants all the money

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that he's going to be making in the future because

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she was with him when he was broke. So it's fucking

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crazy. He's just tortured. What a fucking idiot.

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Wants to die. Wants to die. And he writes this

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song. Wow. Wait, the song you're about to play?

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Yes. He writes this song. You got it, Jamie?

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Bro. By the time this episode comes out, that

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song will be out. Okay. Really? Well, he just

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wrote the... Yo. He just ethered his wife. Oh,

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my God. That was nice. What a diss track. Bro,

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that's the craziest diss track of all time. It's

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coming out tomorrow or the next day? It's coming

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out tomorrow. The song is. So the day this comes

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out, that album. The math don't seem right. It's

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so funny. Every divorce dude on earth is going

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to be just fucking. The judge says 50 -50, but

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the math don't seem right to a scorned woman.

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That's what he's saying. It doesn't seem right

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for her. For her. That she wants more than that.

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She's lucky he got out with the song because

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he would have killed her. Yeah, if he didn't

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have a guitar, that's a string link. That guy

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doesn't need a record deal. That guy don't need

00:08:51.070 --> 00:08:53.549
nobody. He's a hit man. He don't need nobody.

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He's Lisa Loeb. Remember Lisa Loeb? Did she do

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everything? She had a top five hit on a subway.

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Whoa. And then every label was like, we want

00:09:03.289 --> 00:09:05.070
you. And she's like, well, hold on now. I think

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I got the upper hand. Oh, very clever. Yeah,

00:09:07.429 --> 00:09:08.570
there's a bunch of people that have done that

00:09:08.570 --> 00:09:10.649
now that just completely bypassed the system.

00:09:10.750 --> 00:09:13.460
A lot of me. Lobotomy? What happened there? Lisa

00:09:13.460 --> 00:09:19.159
Loeb? That's a stretch. That's a stretch. Earlobe.

00:09:19.159 --> 00:09:22.879
Some of those ladies, they kind of vanish. Lisa

00:09:22.879 --> 00:09:25.279
Loeb was huge. She was. She was the chick with

00:09:25.279 --> 00:09:26.960
the glasses, right? She was hot. She was cute.

00:09:27.419 --> 00:09:31.889
I did something with her on VH1 once. Yeah, some

00:09:31.889 --> 00:09:34.909
talk show thing. She was very nice. Nice lady.

00:09:35.250 --> 00:09:38.129
Yeah. Before three, right? Yeah. Why, you want

00:09:38.129 --> 00:09:40.529
coffee? Yeah. At 3 p .m., you cut it off? I just

00:09:40.529 --> 00:09:43.149
start to slow down. Mr. Regimented. I won't sleep.

00:09:44.230 --> 00:09:45.470
Anyway, let's talk more about this little pussy.

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You have a hard time sleeping? If I have too

00:09:46.950 --> 00:09:48.350
much of this. Same. Damn, that's hilarious. I'm

00:09:48.350 --> 00:09:50.590
on the pills. You're on what pills? Sleeping

00:09:50.590 --> 00:09:52.330
pills. Oh, no. Which ones? You've got to get

00:09:52.330 --> 00:09:53.710
on boner pills. They're way better. I'm taking

00:09:53.710 --> 00:09:57.210
an anti -schizophrenia thing. What? It's the

00:09:57.210 --> 00:09:59.470
only one. Seroquel. I've taken that shit. Give

00:09:59.470 --> 00:10:01.350
that a good. That shit sucks. Wait, that's the

00:10:01.350 --> 00:10:03.610
way it works for me. Fucking Stanhope. That makes

00:10:03.610 --> 00:10:05.750
you go to sleep? Yeah. Yeah, it makes you sleep.

00:10:05.769 --> 00:10:07.750
Wait, isn't that right? Oh, yeah. Have you tried

00:10:07.750 --> 00:10:11.330
deadlifts? No. Just work out real hard so you're

00:10:11.330 --> 00:10:12.909
exhausted. You work out. Wait, isn't that where

00:10:12.909 --> 00:10:15.389
Brody was on Seroquel? No. Isn't that when he

00:10:15.389 --> 00:10:17.070
got off? I think he was. Seroquel's serious.

00:10:17.610 --> 00:10:21.230
Really? I think he got off on his own, and that's

00:10:21.230 --> 00:10:22.750
when he went off the rails. All right, there

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you go. Yeah, that got real weird. He's a deadlift.

00:10:25.919 --> 00:10:36.179
When I got back from Stanhope's, when I was out

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there, I had some Seroquel, the wrapper, in my

00:10:39.740 --> 00:10:41.679
pocket. And I got back to my parents' house.

00:10:41.779 --> 00:10:43.539
It was during COVID. My mom was doing laundry.

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I was like, what the fuck is Seroquel? I don't

00:10:48.799 --> 00:10:50.679
know. Some guy gave it to me, and I took it.

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Yeah. Did it help you sleep? Yeah, it fucked

00:10:53.299 --> 00:10:55.419
me up for like three days. Really? I'd take it

00:10:55.419 --> 00:10:57.139
every night. I don't think you're supposed to

00:10:57.139 --> 00:10:59.320
take somebody else's, especially not Stanhope.

00:10:59.620 --> 00:11:01.480
Stanhope's got elephant doses. Stanhope's dosage

00:11:01.480 --> 00:11:03.840
is not your dosage for anything. For anything.

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Yeah, I woke up on Wednesday. You could go beer

00:11:05.980 --> 00:11:07.639
to beer with them for sure, but anything else.

00:11:07.639 --> 00:11:10.659
Just beer, yeah. Anything else, stay away. Stan

00:11:10.659 --> 00:11:12.620
Hope has a tolerance. If you need it. He does.

00:11:12.779 --> 00:11:17.320
He says, just don't go to the doctor. You don't

00:11:17.320 --> 00:11:19.779
want to know. It's so funny when somebody gives

00:11:19.779 --> 00:11:22.379
you drugs and you're like, it's strong. To who?

00:11:22.600 --> 00:11:25.299
Who are we talking about? Stan Hope has various

00:11:25.299 --> 00:11:28.159
hernias all over his stomach. He can just lay

00:11:28.159 --> 00:11:30.600
back and pop his stomach open. Oh, no. Really?

00:11:31.000 --> 00:11:33.399
Yeah, he's a mess. He's the best. He's the best.

00:11:33.399 --> 00:11:35.580
He's riding it till the wheels fall off. He is.

00:11:35.740 --> 00:11:37.820
Hell, yeah. He's a mess. He's the best. He's

00:11:37.820 --> 00:11:39.100
riding it till the wheels fall off. Give that

00:11:39.100 --> 00:11:41.179
to Alabama. Anthony and say run with it run with

00:11:41.179 --> 00:11:45.659
it yeah an ode to Stanhope yeah yeah I check

00:11:45.659 --> 00:11:47.419
out on his Instagram somewhere he's wearing fucking

00:11:47.419 --> 00:11:50.759
flea market clothes in some other country doing

00:11:50.759 --> 00:11:54.799
stand up yeah he did we're in Ukraine get the

00:11:54.799 --> 00:11:58.019
fuck out of there go back to Arizona we're in

00:11:58.019 --> 00:12:00.379
the smoking room with a bar in Ljubljana I think

00:12:00.379 --> 00:12:02.980
I'll film a special here yeah exactly there's

00:12:02.980 --> 00:12:06.559
30 people let's go He's a maniac. He did my podcast

00:12:06.559 --> 00:12:09.940
recently, and it's like 1 p .m. He gets hammered,

00:12:09.940 --> 00:12:11.919
and then he's like, what are we doing? And we're

00:12:11.919 --> 00:12:13.519
like, we've got to do another one. And he was

00:12:13.519 --> 00:12:15.460
like, what? I thought we were hanging out all

00:12:15.460 --> 00:12:18.960
day. And he was pissed. Well, you've got to set

00:12:18.960 --> 00:12:21.340
the terms for your agreement in advance. I guess.

00:12:21.720 --> 00:12:23.700
Hey, you do a pod, you leave after. You can't

00:12:23.700 --> 00:12:25.220
just assume we're going to get hammered and hang

00:12:25.220 --> 00:12:27.639
out all day unless we talk about it. Right. I

00:12:27.639 --> 00:12:29.500
would say, though, if I get day drunk with people,

00:12:29.559 --> 00:12:32.889
I... I assume. Yeah, it's a good plan. Where

00:12:32.889 --> 00:12:34.850
are you going? After, yeah. If we get together

00:12:34.850 --> 00:12:36.610
and have barbecue at Terry Black's at 1 o 'clock

00:12:36.610 --> 00:12:39.750
and like, let's fucking get blasted. Yeah. It's

00:12:39.750 --> 00:12:41.730
over. The day's over. That's it. You're hanging

00:12:41.730 --> 00:12:43.590
out all day. Yeah, you're done for three days.

00:12:43.669 --> 00:12:47.269
I rarely get those days. I rarely get that. Those

00:12:47.269 --> 00:12:49.509
days were fun back when you had all the time

00:12:49.509 --> 00:12:51.830
in the world. You had nothing to do. No pod.

00:12:52.029 --> 00:12:54.309
My family went away for a week. COVID was the

00:12:54.309 --> 00:12:56.730
best. Noon, you'd be with DeRosa, you'd call

00:12:56.730 --> 00:12:59.049
Big J, like, it's 12 .02, you want a drink? Like,

00:12:59.070 --> 00:13:00.370
I guess. That was the good thing about COVID,

00:13:00.490 --> 00:13:02.230
right? The people who are risk takers, you get

00:13:02.230 --> 00:13:03.909
together with them. Oh, yeah. You go outside,

00:13:04.090 --> 00:13:05.509
too, and just drink out there. How long did you

00:13:05.509 --> 00:13:07.210
guys go without being around anybody, though?

00:13:08.210 --> 00:13:10.169
Oh, man. As long as I could. People the whole

00:13:10.169 --> 00:13:11.730
time. The whole time? Yeah, I was on the road.

00:13:11.730 --> 00:13:13.389
You never, like, took a week off of, I mean,

00:13:13.389 --> 00:13:15.429
other than, like, family and, like, real close

00:13:15.429 --> 00:13:19.610
friends? Yeah, I did do that. That's, like, three,

00:13:19.610 --> 00:13:21.710
four weeks, actually. Bro, that's so bad for

00:13:21.710 --> 00:13:23.750
your brain. I went three months. How many guys

00:13:23.750 --> 00:13:26.350
never came back? A lot of people never came back.

00:13:26.370 --> 00:13:27.830
A lot of guys never came back. Some people are

00:13:27.830 --> 00:13:29.750
starting to come back. Yeah. I don't want to

00:13:29.750 --> 00:13:31.470
name them, but. I know who you're talking about.

00:13:31.529 --> 00:13:33.610
You go, oh, shit. It's funny to see them the

00:13:33.610 --> 00:13:36.230
first week, and you know that's where I was when

00:13:36.230 --> 00:13:37.750
I got back. I was like, hey, too close, too close.

00:13:37.929 --> 00:13:40.490
Lewis immediately, I'm like, hey, I'm still trying

00:13:40.490 --> 00:13:43.049
to. He just licks your face. Come on, Lewis.

00:13:43.470 --> 00:13:45.769
But you see people like, hi. I'm like, oh, you

00:13:45.769 --> 00:13:47.820
just got back? Okay. It took a week. You've got

00:13:47.820 --> 00:13:50.000
to get back now, though. Burr would only do elbow

00:13:50.000 --> 00:13:53.039
touches for a while. Oh, yeah. Howard Mandel

00:13:53.039 --> 00:13:55.179
was like... Meet outside and do elbow touches.

00:13:55.240 --> 00:13:58.480
Like, get the fuck out of here. I was hugging

00:13:58.480 --> 00:14:01.379
everybody. Fuck it. Those were dark days. I remember

00:14:01.379 --> 00:14:05.120
nothing was going to end. I know, man. But there's

00:14:05.120 --> 00:14:06.779
a lot of good came out of it. It was my favorite.

00:14:06.899 --> 00:14:08.960
Forced me to move here. It was my favorite, too.

00:14:09.039 --> 00:14:11.320
Really? What a fun time. Really? You had time

00:14:11.320 --> 00:14:13.500
to think, time to hang out with your friends.

00:14:13.700 --> 00:14:17.059
Also, I had just gotten canceled. Oh, yeah. That's

00:14:17.059 --> 00:14:20.639
true. I just went to a beach house. Same, actually.

00:14:21.000 --> 00:14:23.779
It was $20 on Airbnb because nobody was traveling.

00:14:23.879 --> 00:14:25.360
You went to North Carolina, right? Didn't you

00:14:25.360 --> 00:14:28.000
have time to just sit in it, though? No, I was

00:14:28.000 --> 00:14:30.279
drinking at the beach. What advice did I give

00:14:30.279 --> 00:14:31.759
you when you went to North Carolina? It was something

00:14:31.759 --> 00:14:35.320
normal. Don't say gook. Make a fire on the pitch.

00:14:35.500 --> 00:14:44.019
Stop saying it. That was my advice. Don't say

00:14:44.019 --> 00:14:48.600
it. Oh, my God. No, it was Hill Med, and it was

00:14:48.600 --> 00:14:50.580
make a fire. We made fires every night. I remember

00:14:50.580 --> 00:14:52.019
you called me like, hey, you were right. Me,

00:14:52.019 --> 00:14:55.159
Connor, Beezer, Kylo. Wow, what a trash crew.

00:14:55.419 --> 00:14:57.960
It's the trashiest. That's fun. A crew of pigs.

00:15:05.799 --> 00:15:08.899
Oh, yeah. Good call. You guys want a big one

00:15:08.899 --> 00:15:10.399
or a little one? I'll take a little -y. You want

00:15:10.399 --> 00:15:12.240
a little one like this one or like this one?

00:15:12.240 --> 00:15:13.779
I'll do a little guy. Is it a Fuente? Is it a

00:15:13.779 --> 00:15:15.740
short story? These are all given to me by Jose

00:15:15.740 --> 00:15:19.519
Andres. Is that a short story? You know, maybe

00:15:19.519 --> 00:15:22.700
you know. I know. Sigari Shafir. A short story.

00:15:22.700 --> 00:15:24.159
That's what they call him. You want a short one?

00:15:24.220 --> 00:15:26.559
Let me see. I'm actually all right. I don't like

00:15:26.559 --> 00:15:29.070
any of them. Let me see all of them. You don't

00:15:29.070 --> 00:15:31.549
know what the fuck that is. Oh, this is the one.

00:15:31.809 --> 00:15:34.649
It's Open X. This is the high -end version of

00:15:34.649 --> 00:15:37.269
this brand. They're super legit. What do you

00:15:37.269 --> 00:15:38.850
want? The short stories are great, though. Take

00:15:38.850 --> 00:15:41.129
a nice light one. You won't appreciate it. That

00:15:41.129 --> 00:15:43.509
might be too heavy for me. Do a short story.

00:15:43.669 --> 00:15:47.350
You'll like it. Give me a little chode. That's

00:15:47.350 --> 00:15:48.909
not a chode. That thing's fine. That's true.

00:15:49.960 --> 00:15:52.700
Well, if you only want a little bit. Ron White

00:15:52.700 --> 00:15:54.899
has those little tiny ones. Cigarillos. Tiny

00:15:54.899 --> 00:15:57.399
cigars. Darius has those all the time. But he

00:15:57.399 --> 00:15:59.440
inhales those motherfuckers. He does. He inhales

00:15:59.440 --> 00:16:00.919
them like he does a cigarette. I'm like, that

00:16:00.919 --> 00:16:05.879
is so bad for you. Those are so bad for you.

00:16:06.039 --> 00:16:09.639
You're taking straight cigar smoke into your

00:16:09.639 --> 00:16:13.860
lungs. There you go. You know how to do it. Teeth.

00:16:13.919 --> 00:16:15.720
Bro, how good is that song? That song freaks

00:16:15.720 --> 00:16:17.879
me out. Very good. Good soulful song. It feels

00:16:17.879 --> 00:16:20.220
like a throwback. You can't fake that. You can't

00:16:20.220 --> 00:16:21.940
fake that. I've never heard a guy make a song

00:16:21.940 --> 00:16:26.720
about a divorce. It's pretty funny. He's going

00:16:26.720 --> 00:16:29.879
through it, dog. He's going through it. Rock's

00:16:29.879 --> 00:16:32.740
like, you'll be mad if you make 30 grand if you

00:16:32.740 --> 00:16:35.139
have to give up half. Half at 10 million is nothing.

00:16:35.240 --> 00:16:37.019
Half at 30 grand is nothing. That's a fucking

00:16:37.019 --> 00:16:41.039
crazy song. Great tune. Reminds me of Mike Lawrence's

00:16:41.039 --> 00:16:44.049
joke on Ralphie Mae. During roast battle he goes

00:16:44.049 --> 00:16:46.529
your wife's divorce me Which is crazy to split

00:16:46.529 --> 00:16:49.110
up now and get half where you just wait six months

00:16:49.110 --> 00:16:56.370
and get all of it That's crazy that's crazy hey

00:16:56.370 --> 00:16:58.950
Jamie do we have any beers in here? This whole

00:16:58.950 --> 00:17:01.509
cooler. I'm right there. Oh Could you imagine

00:17:01.509 --> 00:17:06.130
hello? Oh? Hello? Actually giving her that advice

00:17:06.130 --> 00:17:08.349
imagine like if you're the lawyer. Hey, just

00:17:08.349 --> 00:17:10.500
wait a little bit if you're the lawyer like You

00:17:10.500 --> 00:17:12.420
know, take them out to eat. Yeah, just wait them

00:17:12.420 --> 00:17:15.940
out. Take them to fucking Denny's. Oh, sorry.

00:17:16.140 --> 00:17:18.559
Same thing. Two in one. Keep them going. Yeah.

00:17:19.240 --> 00:17:21.339
Keep that party rolling. Did you ever work with

00:17:21.339 --> 00:17:24.430
Panette? Yes, I did. He is a funny fat guy. Bro,

00:17:24.430 --> 00:17:26.750
I saw Panette when I was like an open miker.

00:17:26.829 --> 00:17:28.609
He was like a few years ahead of me. I saw him

00:17:28.609 --> 00:17:31.009
murder one night. He was such a crusher. He had

00:17:31.009 --> 00:17:32.829
this bit about going to a Chinese food, all you

00:17:32.829 --> 00:17:35.529
can eat buffet. And they're like, no, you get

00:17:35.529 --> 00:17:40.450
out. Oh, yeah. I saw it on TV. Bro, he did that

00:17:40.450 --> 00:17:42.289
at Nick's Comedy Stop one night, packed house,

00:17:42.390 --> 00:17:45.930
brought the fucking house down. And he had that

00:17:45.930 --> 00:17:49.309
Boston old school rapid fire punchline style.

00:17:49.450 --> 00:17:53.759
And he was a big guy. And he was fucking huge

00:17:53.759 --> 00:17:56.880
at one point. But the physical stuff, the body

00:17:56.880 --> 00:17:59.480
being that big, just sabotaged. When I moved

00:17:59.480 --> 00:18:01.839
to L .A., one of the first times I realized how

00:18:01.839 --> 00:18:03.660
phony Hollywood is, he came into the improv and

00:18:03.660 --> 00:18:05.599
all the agents and managers and the suck -ups

00:18:05.599 --> 00:18:07.759
were like, John, you look amazing. You look so

00:18:07.759 --> 00:18:10.359
good. He's like a 480 -pound guy. And I'm like,

00:18:10.420 --> 00:18:14.200
what? We did it to Shane 20 minutes ago. No,

00:18:14.240 --> 00:18:19.079
no, no. And now everyone was very mean. One of

00:18:19.079 --> 00:18:21.160
the guys outside was like, you look good. Well,

00:18:21.180 --> 00:18:24.700
better. That's fair. That's like, I believe you

00:18:24.700 --> 00:18:26.660
now. He wasn't joking. He was totally genuine.

00:18:26.779 --> 00:18:30.039
Being honest with you. Yeah. Pretty funny. Well,

00:18:30.119 --> 00:18:33.660
better. Better. All right. With how much your

00:18:33.660 --> 00:18:36.400
privacy is being invaded online, VPNs are no

00:18:36.400 --> 00:18:39.220
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00:18:41.740 --> 00:18:44.039
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by scanning the QR code on. screen or clicking

00:19:49.660 --> 00:19:51.980
the link in the description. Yeah, imagine telling

00:19:51.980 --> 00:19:54.299
a 455 -pound guy he looks great. You're looking

00:19:54.299 --> 00:19:56.799
fucking good, dude. You look great. I'll tell

00:19:56.799 --> 00:19:58.119
that to you. You look great. That's like, okay,

00:19:58.200 --> 00:19:59.960
good for a staff. You've never looked better.

00:19:59.980 --> 00:20:02.539
You look 20 years younger. Oh, look how fat.

00:20:04.259 --> 00:20:08.000
Man. Unfortunately. He's already funny. He just

00:20:08.000 --> 00:20:10.180
looks funny. Oh, he was so funny. He was so good.

00:20:10.539 --> 00:20:12.880
If Ozempic was earlier. Such a good comic. Oh,

00:20:12.880 --> 00:20:16.380
yeah. Yeah, but then you have a big head. He'd

00:20:16.380 --> 00:20:19.559
be alive. Alive with a big head's pretty funny,

00:20:19.599 --> 00:20:21.740
too. That's true. Because when you have a big

00:20:21.740 --> 00:20:25.180
fat guy's body, your head grows. Your skull grows?

00:20:25.539 --> 00:20:27.880
Physically. Wait, what? Yeah, yeah. If you ever

00:20:27.880 --> 00:20:30.299
watch a big, giant fat guy, when they lose a

00:20:30.299 --> 00:20:32.180
lot of weight, their head looks way too big for

00:20:32.180 --> 00:20:34.740
their body. Because they were 500 pounds. They

00:20:34.740 --> 00:20:36.920
had a head of a 500 -pound man for 20 years.

00:20:37.319 --> 00:20:40.460
And then all of a sudden, you get a belly band,

00:20:40.779 --> 00:20:43.799
and now you weigh a buck 50. You got a 500 -pound

00:20:43.799 --> 00:20:45.960
dude's head. Go from a fighting style of this

00:20:45.960 --> 00:20:49.150
to... Also, all that chewing, all these muscles.

00:20:49.430 --> 00:20:52.750
Your jaw is one of the weirdest things. That's

00:20:52.750 --> 00:20:54.970
what mewing is all about, when people change

00:20:54.970 --> 00:20:58.450
their jawline. Your jaw moves. Your jaw can get

00:20:58.450 --> 00:21:00.710
larger. You can actually change your jawline

00:21:00.710 --> 00:21:03.269
from exercise. Isn't it crazy? You can't alter

00:21:03.269 --> 00:21:05.369
your dick. You gain weight, nothing happens.

00:21:05.529 --> 00:21:07.690
You can't work out your dick. We work out our

00:21:07.690 --> 00:21:08.650
dick every night. You can't do nothing to your

00:21:08.650 --> 00:21:13.170
dick. Nothing. Put a man on the moon. We can't.

00:21:13.170 --> 00:21:15.529
You can't fix the dick. Can't fix the dick. If

00:21:15.529 --> 00:21:18.109
you got a micropenis. Oh, by the way, that female

00:21:18.109 --> 00:21:21.210
boxer. That female boxer that everybody was saying

00:21:21.210 --> 00:21:24.069
was a woman. That's a man. Come on. Fact now

00:21:24.069 --> 00:21:25.549
proven. Wait, I thought you said. They got a

00:21:25.549 --> 00:21:28.369
sex result test back. The Iranian one? The Iranian

00:21:28.369 --> 00:21:30.490
one that won the Olympic gold medal is a man.

00:21:31.529 --> 00:21:35.869
So she's funny. They released a medical report.

00:21:36.509 --> 00:21:38.849
Who's they? The IOC. Well, the IOC is the one

00:21:38.849 --> 00:21:40.529
that allowed her to compete in the Olympics.

00:21:40.549 --> 00:21:43.509
But one of these amateur boxing organizations

00:21:43.509 --> 00:21:45.589
apparently did a test. I thought it was one of

00:21:45.589 --> 00:21:46.829
those. I was like, you guys are wrong about this

00:21:46.829 --> 00:21:48.450
one. It's not a trans. It's actually just some.

00:21:48.589 --> 00:21:51.890
It's a biological male. Yeah, that went through

00:21:51.890 --> 00:21:54.210
puberty, the whole deal. It's just crazy. Teeing

00:21:54.210 --> 00:21:57.730
off on bitches in Paris. Wap. Oh, yeah. I love

00:21:57.730 --> 00:22:00.480
it. That's so. Crazy. We should have that as

00:22:00.480 --> 00:22:03.140
an Olympic sport. Beating bitches. I think this

00:22:03.140 --> 00:22:06.900
person has, like, line them up. I ran with crushing

00:22:06.900 --> 00:22:10.480
that. No, no, you got to uppercuts. It's like

00:22:10.480 --> 00:22:12.599
they have all the technique down from years.

00:22:13.660 --> 00:22:16.240
You know what's really dark? First you grab the

00:22:16.240 --> 00:22:20.019
arm, you bend. You say, shut the fuck up. I told

00:22:20.019 --> 00:22:21.500
you not to bring that up in front of my fucking

00:22:21.500 --> 00:22:24.720
friends. Did I see you driving? I told you not

00:22:24.720 --> 00:22:26.099
to bring that up. It's such a good, like, help

00:22:26.099 --> 00:22:29.259
me out here. Give me a good pitch. You see Greta

00:22:29.259 --> 00:22:31.359
Thunberg's on her way there right now. She's

00:22:31.359 --> 00:22:33.640
going to fix it. What is this? Foodburgers on

00:22:33.640 --> 00:22:35.559
the way to Iran. She unfixed Gaza. Oh, she's

00:22:35.559 --> 00:22:37.259
on a sailboat. She's taking a sailboat to Gaza.

00:22:37.259 --> 00:22:39.559
Three years fucking later. Who is? I can't wait

00:22:39.559 --> 00:22:42.559
for them to meet her. Bro, that little how dare

00:22:42.559 --> 00:22:45.799
you girl. How dare you? You know, the climate

00:22:45.799 --> 00:22:47.619
change girl? You know, the little autistic girl?

00:22:47.859 --> 00:22:50.039
Well, now she's free Palestine. She's singing

00:22:50.039 --> 00:22:51.940
things off her phone. Now she's at the front

00:22:51.940 --> 00:22:54.359
of a boat like George Washington making its way

00:22:54.359 --> 00:22:56.720
to Gaza. Whatever the environment, though. Bro,

00:22:56.720 --> 00:22:58.660
there she is. Is the environment done? She's

00:22:58.660 --> 00:23:02.049
got a nice boat. from the river to the rising

00:23:02.049 --> 00:23:04.609
sea levels. She's going to fix it. Not bad, dude.

00:23:04.930 --> 00:23:06.809
She's going to break the Israeli naval blockade.

00:23:06.829 --> 00:23:08.529
I'm working on it. I actually got more. Bro,

00:23:08.529 --> 00:23:10.369
those IDF guys are going to turn her into cat

00:23:10.369 --> 00:23:16.809
food. They will light her up from the fucking

00:23:16.809 --> 00:23:20.049
shore before she's even close. They don't play

00:23:20.049 --> 00:23:22.630
no games. Both sides are going to blow that bubble.

00:23:22.630 --> 00:23:24.109
Yeah, they don't play when they see it. They

00:23:24.109 --> 00:23:26.009
actually maybe come together on who gets to blow

00:23:26.009 --> 00:23:28.619
it up. Maybe that can bridge the gap here. She

00:23:28.619 --> 00:23:30.220
could be. You're sacrificing yourself for all

00:23:30.220 --> 00:23:32.319
of us. Well, she could be just the best person

00:23:32.319 --> 00:23:34.119
ever. Nothing greener than killing yourself.

00:23:34.259 --> 00:23:35.859
Or she could be someone that they take advantage

00:23:35.859 --> 00:23:38.519
of and use at the front of the line for every

00:23:38.519 --> 00:23:41.519
cause. It's one of those. She's a young kid,

00:23:41.619 --> 00:23:43.940
man. It's so crazy to take a young kid and put

00:23:43.940 --> 00:23:45.819
them as the - Alter their lives. This is going

00:23:45.819 --> 00:23:47.779
to be your life now forever. You're the face

00:23:47.779 --> 00:23:52.539
of X, Y, and Z. Even if it's not up there and

00:23:52.539 --> 00:23:54.420
it is obviously, not obviously, but it could

00:23:54.420 --> 00:23:56.529
be out of her hands. She probably is. handlers

00:23:56.529 --> 00:23:59.250
and political shit. Oh, for now. At least she's

00:23:59.250 --> 00:24:02.809
gainfully employed and cares. Yeah, gainfully

00:24:02.809 --> 00:24:04.450
employed. But this is when they got the South

00:24:04.450 --> 00:24:07.009
Park kids to fight against Harbucks. What's Harbucks?

00:24:07.250 --> 00:24:09.230
Harbucks coming in. It's getting tweaks. Yeah,

00:24:09.309 --> 00:24:11.009
it's overcoming tweaks. And they're like, make

00:24:11.009 --> 00:24:12.529
the kids do a story about it. And they're like,

00:24:12.609 --> 00:24:14.630
all right. And everyone's like, the children

00:24:14.630 --> 00:24:17.029
are upset. It's the easiest way to go to get

00:24:17.029 --> 00:24:19.009
your calls done. Let a kid be crying about Trump.

00:24:19.009 --> 00:24:20.710
The war, though, like Israel, Palestine, and

00:24:20.710 --> 00:24:23.970
Russia, Ukraine really ended the fucking climate

00:24:23.970 --> 00:24:26.420
change. Oh, yeah. Ended everything. You know

00:24:26.420 --> 00:24:27.940
what I mean? It was like, there's World War III's

00:24:27.940 --> 00:24:29.500
coming. It's like, we don't have time. Yeah,

00:24:29.500 --> 00:24:30.960
none of the climate change people are like, these

00:24:30.960 --> 00:24:33.880
bombs are increasing the temperature. Yeah. I

00:24:33.880 --> 00:24:35.579
think Greta Thunberg, actually. Unless that was

00:24:35.579 --> 00:24:39.660
fake. It ended a lot of shit. Like, the Palestine,

00:24:39.859 --> 00:24:41.519
it was like, oh, we forgot about Ukraine. We

00:24:41.519 --> 00:24:43.839
forgot about BLM. We forgot about... It ended

00:24:43.839 --> 00:24:48.579
everybody saying, dead babies are bad. They go,

00:24:48.700 --> 00:24:51.380
well, let me see where they're from first. It's

00:24:51.380 --> 00:24:52.920
crazy how everyone's just not... This is all

00:24:52.920 --> 00:24:55.660
just terrible. It is really terrible. You can't

00:24:55.660 --> 00:24:57.859
get them in Texas either. It's a weird time.

00:24:58.319 --> 00:25:01.000
I caught that one. Hey, thanks. I caught it too.

00:25:01.059 --> 00:25:03.680
I just stared right through it. I just stared

00:25:03.680 --> 00:25:05.740
at the table going, I don't even think that's

00:25:05.740 --> 00:25:09.960
funny. It is crazy I can't watch porn here on

00:25:09.960 --> 00:25:11.599
my phone. That's a real fucking bummer. You can.

00:25:11.680 --> 00:25:13.720
You just have to take a photo of your ID and

00:25:13.720 --> 00:25:15.480
send it to the government. What's the problem,

00:25:15.599 --> 00:25:17.660
Mark? What am I, a migrant? We want to know how

00:25:17.660 --> 00:25:19.920
into feet you really are. Why are some of these

00:25:19.920 --> 00:25:22.700
states doing that? What is that? Tennessee? I

00:25:22.700 --> 00:25:26.079
don't mind feet. We just want to track you completely.

00:25:26.099 --> 00:25:27.940
It is. We want to see what your search history

00:25:27.940 --> 00:25:29.259
is on Pornhub. It's a nice street, though. You

00:25:29.259 --> 00:25:31.339
go on the road, you go, oh, yeah. Yes, exactly.

00:25:31.579 --> 00:25:33.079
You got to go out in New York. You don't know.

00:25:33.240 --> 00:25:34.960
It's all the tax -free states, too. Florida.

00:25:35.750 --> 00:25:37.529
Tennessee, Florida, I don't know. Tennessee for

00:25:37.529 --> 00:25:39.130
sure. It is a bummer, and the only way you find

00:25:39.130 --> 00:25:41.470
out is when you're doing the show in Tennessee.

00:25:41.509 --> 00:25:44.549
Don't you guys know about ExpressVPN? Yeah. Get

00:25:44.549 --> 00:25:46.630
ExpressVPN. Say you're fucking phoning in from

00:25:46.630 --> 00:25:48.670
Thailand. You can see everything. Yeah, but then

00:25:48.670 --> 00:25:50.210
sometimes it goes like, it's not registering

00:25:50.210 --> 00:25:51.589
right. It's not doing it. It's like, come on.

00:25:51.769 --> 00:25:55.089
Come on. Really? VPNs? Sometimes I'll leave Texas

00:25:55.089 --> 00:25:57.430
and it's still the same VPN. I'll tell you the

00:25:57.430 --> 00:26:01.269
result is I go on Xvideos now. Xvideos. More

00:26:01.269 --> 00:26:03.549
regular chicks. Now I'm turned on to just regular

00:26:03.549 --> 00:26:05.589
bars. Before it had to be at this level. Now

00:26:05.589 --> 00:26:07.720
I'm like. You only got 10 pounds extra. I'm into

00:26:07.720 --> 00:26:10.180
it. X videos is rough, though. It's rough. Bad

00:26:10.180 --> 00:26:12.440
lighting, bad stomachs. Ladies need to know 10

00:26:12.440 --> 00:26:14.799
pounds extra is way better than 10 pounds too

00:26:14.799 --> 00:26:17.640
thin, right? Ozempic 10 pounds, that Ozempic

00:26:17.640 --> 00:26:20.619
10, where your face gets sucked in. I like soft.

00:26:21.099 --> 00:26:23.660
Yeah, you don't want the Holocaust. Like, an

00:26:23.660 --> 00:26:26.880
extra few pounds is nice. Like, when girls start

00:26:26.880 --> 00:26:28.420
thinking they need to lose weight, that's when

00:26:28.420 --> 00:26:30.599
they're like, right there. And they start fucking

00:26:30.599 --> 00:26:35.529
with their face. When they get to the point where

00:26:35.529 --> 00:26:36.809
they think they should lose a little weight and

00:26:36.809 --> 00:26:38.829
stay right there. That's where they're perfect.

00:26:39.470 --> 00:26:42.250
Are you about to make fun of someone's face?

00:26:42.410 --> 00:26:46.750
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fucking sketchy. Ozempic

00:26:46.750 --> 00:26:49.029
is sketchy, man. Because you've got to stay on

00:26:49.029 --> 00:26:51.630
that, bro. It's got to be. You don't get on it

00:26:51.630 --> 00:26:53.890
and lose 100 pounds and then like, all right,

00:26:53.910 --> 00:26:56.740
now I get it. Big Jay's doing great. On Ozempic?

00:26:56.759 --> 00:26:59.079
He's slowly going down. No, he's skinny. He was

00:26:59.079 --> 00:27:00.559
just on the road with me this weekend. He's like

00:27:00.559 --> 00:27:03.019
slowly going down. How big's his head? What's

00:27:03.019 --> 00:27:04.420
his head look like? He's got a normal head. It's

00:27:04.420 --> 00:27:06.059
okay. He's turned into, you can see that he's

00:27:06.059 --> 00:27:09.299
an old Jew now. Before that, he was fat enough

00:27:09.299 --> 00:27:10.960
that you didn't really see all the Jewish features.

00:27:11.200 --> 00:27:13.220
You know who said that? William Shatner. William

00:27:13.220 --> 00:27:15.180
Shatner says he stays fat because he keeps the

00:27:15.180 --> 00:27:17.759
wrinkles away. Shatner. Because he gives you

00:27:17.759 --> 00:27:21.720
a plump face. Captain motherfucking Kirk. Shatner.

00:27:22.359 --> 00:27:27.140
Shatner, whatever. Same shit, dog. My favorite

00:27:27.140 --> 00:27:31.099
basketball player is Shat. But it's funny to

00:27:31.099 --> 00:27:33.220
watch Jay. Whenever we get in a car now to go

00:27:33.220 --> 00:27:35.059
somewhere, he's like, I'll get in the back. And

00:27:35.059 --> 00:27:39.019
it's like, you're new, you're spry now. That's

00:27:39.019 --> 00:27:43.339
a big guy. I relate to that. One day I dreamed

00:27:43.339 --> 00:27:45.460
to be like, fellas. I'll sit in the way back.

00:27:45.680 --> 00:27:47.019
So what's he going to do with all those giant

00:27:47.019 --> 00:27:49.920
jean shorts? I don't know. Sell them. He's got

00:27:49.920 --> 00:27:52.480
to buy new clothes. Make a sale for Greta. He's

00:27:52.480 --> 00:27:54.720
going to backyard her. Sew them all together.

00:27:55.079 --> 00:28:00.059
Make a big tent out in Myanmar. We hawking. I

00:28:00.059 --> 00:28:02.400
hope she live vlogs that shit. I want to see

00:28:02.400 --> 00:28:03.759
her go down. Some of the rebels we're arming

00:28:03.759 --> 00:28:07.789
need tents. Fire him up. Greta Thunberg going

00:28:07.789 --> 00:28:09.410
to Palestine is like those people going to the

00:28:09.410 --> 00:28:11.950
unchartable islands and be like, hi, I'm Christian.

00:28:12.289 --> 00:28:16.730
Yeah, like North Sentinel Island. Jesus, you've

00:28:16.730 --> 00:28:19.650
forsaken me. That shit's crazy. Or the white

00:28:19.650 --> 00:28:21.690
social worker who goes into Baltimore ghetto.

00:28:21.769 --> 00:28:23.329
He's like, hey, everybody, I'm here. And they

00:28:23.329 --> 00:28:27.089
just beat the fuck out of him. How about the

00:28:27.089 --> 00:28:30.329
dude who was a Rockefeller? The dude who was

00:28:30.329 --> 00:28:32.630
a Rockefeller who went to the Papua New Guinea

00:28:32.630 --> 00:28:34.869
tribe and they ate him? You know why he fucked

00:28:34.869 --> 00:28:37.890
up? Yeah, he fucked up because he said, I'm actually

00:28:37.890 --> 00:28:40.309
very important where I am. They go, oh, that's.

00:28:40.759 --> 00:28:42.200
That's more nutrients. No, no. What happened

00:28:42.200 --> 00:28:44.740
was he fucked up and was trying to get a sacred

00:28:44.740 --> 00:28:47.579
item from them and trying to buy it from them.

00:28:47.640 --> 00:28:48.819
And they didn't want to give it. And he was very

00:28:48.819 --> 00:28:52.519
insistent. And he apparently offended them deeply.

00:28:52.740 --> 00:28:54.420
And then when he returned, they're like, oh,

00:28:54.480 --> 00:28:56.539
he's back. And they stabbed him when he was in

00:28:56.539 --> 00:28:58.099
the boat. They were taking him in the boat over

00:28:58.099 --> 00:29:00.019
there. And they stuck him with a spear. And he

00:29:00.019 --> 00:29:02.519
was like, oh, screaming out. And he cried. And

00:29:02.519 --> 00:29:05.220
the guy who told the story, there's a whole depiction

00:29:05.220 --> 00:29:07.319
of how he died. Pull it up. I read that it was

00:29:07.319 --> 00:29:09.599
because also he was an important. Man, in America,

00:29:09.759 --> 00:29:12.460
in another country, that's better to eat that.

00:29:12.839 --> 00:29:15.480
That's a good person to eat. I think the big

00:29:15.480 --> 00:29:18.299
thing was the offense. I think it was the offense

00:29:18.299 --> 00:29:19.279
because they would have killed him the first

00:29:19.279 --> 00:29:23.700
time. It was when he came back. Yeah. Here's

00:29:23.700 --> 00:29:25.160
one, and I'm trying to remember who it is. It

00:29:25.160 --> 00:29:28.460
might have been a Rockefeller. What? Somebody's

00:29:28.460 --> 00:29:34.259
kid went to Africa and paid to watch them cannibalize

00:29:34.259 --> 00:29:38.789
a kid. Yikes. Whoa. I got to remember, it's a

00:29:38.789 --> 00:29:41.150
Rockefeller, like a DuPont, or like one of those

00:29:41.150 --> 00:29:43.029
names. Yeah. I wonder if he's telling this at

00:29:43.029 --> 00:29:44.609
a party. He goes, guys, just so you know, they

00:29:44.609 --> 00:29:46.450
were going to kill him and eat him anyway. He

00:29:46.450 --> 00:29:48.210
did? No, I think that's exactly what he did.

00:29:48.390 --> 00:29:49.609
He came back and was like, they were going to

00:29:49.609 --> 00:29:51.390
eat him anyway. I just wanted to watch it. Holy

00:29:51.390 --> 00:29:55.339
moly. Did you imagine watching that? How about

00:29:55.339 --> 00:29:57.160
that dude, General Butt Naked? Remember that

00:29:57.160 --> 00:29:58.980
guy? Yeah, hell yeah. From Liberia? Liberia,

00:29:59.000 --> 00:30:01.980
yeah. Still alive. They would kidnap a child

00:30:01.980 --> 00:30:05.059
and cut the child's heart out and eat it raw

00:30:05.059 --> 00:30:07.200
before they would go into battle. And he would

00:30:07.200 --> 00:30:10.339
go into battle buck naked. James Whiskey. James

00:30:10.339 --> 00:30:12.920
Whiskey here by a slave girl to watch her get

00:30:12.920 --> 00:30:17.000
cannibalized. What? Is that true? Referenced

00:30:17.000 --> 00:30:19.930
to 130 -year -old what? That's a tough one. 130

00:30:19.930 --> 00:30:21.769
-year -old scandal and a horrifying anecdote

00:30:21.769 --> 00:30:23.890
from a colonial expedition. Jamo's been around

00:30:23.890 --> 00:30:27.150
for 130 years. Wow. He bought a slave girl to

00:30:27.150 --> 00:30:31.269
watch her get cannibalized? Mixture. What's true?

00:30:31.349 --> 00:30:33.789
Go up to the top. Scroll up right there. By his

00:30:33.789 --> 00:30:35.490
own admission, Jamison witnessed the murder and

00:30:35.490 --> 00:30:37.589
mutilation of a girl and is now the Democratic

00:30:37.589 --> 00:30:41.589
Republic of the Congo in 1888. Incident took

00:30:41.589 --> 00:30:44.529
place after Jamison paid handkerchiefs to a man

00:30:44.529 --> 00:30:48.910
who said, give me a bill of cloth and see. Oh,

00:30:49.049 --> 00:30:53.130
boy. What? So, Jameson insisted he did not set

00:30:53.130 --> 00:30:55.150
out with the intention of causing or witnessing

00:30:55.150 --> 00:30:57.390
any murder or act of cannibalism and described

00:30:57.390 --> 00:30:59.869
what he ultimately witnessed as the most horrifyingly

00:30:59.869 --> 00:31:02.490
sickening sight I am ever likely to see in my

00:31:02.490 --> 00:31:04.569
life. I mean, somebody's like, that's a fair

00:31:04.569 --> 00:31:05.849
statement. Just give me a handkerchief. What

00:31:05.849 --> 00:31:07.990
do you guys do? Do you guys eat people? It's

00:31:07.990 --> 00:31:09.410
like, give me a handkerchief and you'll see.

00:31:09.759 --> 00:31:11.720
And that's all you have to give the guy? A handkerchief?

00:31:11.740 --> 00:31:13.160
We all would have done it. We all would have

00:31:13.160 --> 00:31:14.299
given him a handkerchief, not knowing what it's

00:31:14.299 --> 00:31:15.940
going to be. What does this mean? What do you

00:31:15.940 --> 00:31:17.819
mean? First of all, I'd be terrified to not give

00:31:17.819 --> 00:31:19.440
him the handkerchief. Yeah. Because he's already

00:31:19.440 --> 00:31:20.940
killing and eating people. You don't know what

00:31:20.940 --> 00:31:22.799
you're getting. Like the guy who got killed and

00:31:22.799 --> 00:31:25.039
eaten in Papua New Guinea, I bet he had no idea

00:31:25.039 --> 00:31:26.859
he offended them. No. He thought he was bargaining.

00:31:27.059 --> 00:31:29.839
Yeah. If you don't know their culture and you're

00:31:29.839 --> 00:31:32.500
deeply offending them by wanting some sacred

00:31:32.500 --> 00:31:34.240
item that they have, like whoopsies. Pissing

00:31:34.240 --> 00:31:38.279
on the tree in Somar. In where? In Midsommar.

00:31:38.339 --> 00:31:39.359
He pissed on the tree. He's like, what are you

00:31:39.359 --> 00:31:41.700
doing? He's like, I just wanted to piss. I don't

00:31:41.700 --> 00:31:43.240
know what that is. What is that in reference

00:31:43.240 --> 00:31:45.859
to? Oh, it's a hell of a movie. Midsommar? Ari

00:31:45.859 --> 00:31:50.940
Aster? Do you know it, Jamie? I've never said

00:31:50.940 --> 00:31:52.859
it. It's a good movie. It's a horror film. Good

00:31:52.859 --> 00:31:56.420
rec. Yeah. Oh, I've never seen this. Oh, you

00:31:56.420 --> 00:31:58.680
would hate it. Would I hate it? No, you wouldn't.

00:31:58.680 --> 00:32:01.519
No, I think you would think it was fucked up.

00:32:01.539 --> 00:32:05.250
It's pretty great. But it's cool. It's an A24.

00:32:05.250 --> 00:32:06.970
Anyway, the reference. Forget it. How many fucking

00:32:06.970 --> 00:32:09.109
AI movies are going to be made over the next

00:32:09.109 --> 00:32:10.490
year? They're coming. All of them. Let's get

00:32:10.490 --> 00:32:12.009
rid of the actors. I'm all for it. They're coming.

00:32:12.329 --> 00:32:13.549
Well, we don't have to hear from them. Yeah,

00:32:13.609 --> 00:32:14.849
we don't have to hear from them. All the mediocre

00:32:14.849 --> 00:32:19.609
actors, all the, like, CBS, like, cop show actors

00:32:19.609 --> 00:32:22.730
who always play, like, the deputy. We've got

00:32:22.730 --> 00:32:24.670
the papers, but we don't know if he did it yet.

00:32:24.970 --> 00:32:27.910
You know, that guy's gone. That guy's gone. All

00:32:27.910 --> 00:32:30.390
the NPCs are gone. They're looking real good.

00:32:30.529 --> 00:32:33.029
They can make a Protect Our Parks AI three hours

00:32:33.029 --> 00:32:36.269
long. Do it. It's so easy to replicate. We replicate

00:32:36.269 --> 00:32:39.170
it. We're easy. Every single episode. Play Freebird.

00:32:39.269 --> 00:32:40.950
Let's get these guys not at their best. Play

00:32:40.950 --> 00:32:43.349
Freebird 40 minutes in. Yeah, we'll do some Hitler

00:32:43.349 --> 00:32:45.549
stuff. Get a pun in there. Get a couple drinks

00:32:45.549 --> 00:32:48.329
in this. Hitler speeches going. Hey, everyone

00:32:48.329 --> 00:32:50.890
play Come Out of the Closet. Oh, yeah. We probably

00:32:50.890 --> 00:32:53.769
will play. Hey, is that Kanye? Kanye won the

00:32:53.769 --> 00:32:55.349
Hallelujah one. Is that real? I was going to

00:32:55.349 --> 00:32:57.609
say changed it. Is that legit? He actually changed

00:32:57.609 --> 00:32:59.839
it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. He made a hallelujah

00:32:59.839 --> 00:33:02.259
one. Another version. Of the same song. Yeah.

00:33:02.480 --> 00:33:05.299
Hallelujah. But it's not. It's like all my brothers

00:33:05.299 --> 00:33:07.440
Christians. Hallelujah. They still have the N

00:33:07.440 --> 00:33:10.180
word in it? Nay. I do not believe so. I don't

00:33:10.180 --> 00:33:13.059
know. Does it, Jamie? I think it's Brothers.

00:33:13.220 --> 00:33:15.599
He says Brothers. Oh, okay. That song was the

00:33:15.599 --> 00:33:17.359
craziest song anybody's ever put out. It was

00:33:17.359 --> 00:33:18.440
the craziest song I've ever heard. Have we talked

00:33:18.440 --> 00:33:20.579
about that on this? No? Which song, Brothers?

00:33:20.660 --> 00:33:23.400
Catchy and fucking insane. It's a little catchy.

00:33:23.519 --> 00:33:25.680
He said the three things you could never say

00:33:25.680 --> 00:33:29.359
all together. Yeah. Well, it was tough how tricky

00:33:29.359 --> 00:33:31.799
it was, or how catchy it was. I know. I'd listen

00:33:31.799 --> 00:33:33.539
to it, and then I'd be like, that was crazy.

00:33:33.759 --> 00:33:35.140
And then the rest of my day, I'd be walking around

00:33:35.140 --> 00:33:38.700
going, hmm. Exactly. I was humming it. Shows

00:33:38.700 --> 00:33:41.720
how important Twitter is. They kept it up. I

00:33:41.720 --> 00:33:44.740
know. It's up there. It was number two in Israel.

00:33:45.660 --> 00:33:47.880
What? Yeah, it hit the chart. Pull it up. No.

00:33:48.259 --> 00:33:50.940
Give it a go. Oh, it's still got the N -word

00:33:50.940 --> 00:33:53.240
in. All right. Good. Oh, it is. So you just changed

00:33:53.240 --> 00:33:55.079
that part? Yeah, it's like that. It's how the

00:33:55.079 --> 00:33:56.720
melody goes. You got to leave it. Oh, okay. I

00:33:56.720 --> 00:33:59.079
only heard one part where he's saying, all my

00:33:59.079 --> 00:34:02.450
brothers Christians. Google if it's number two

00:34:02.450 --> 00:34:04.349
in Israel. I swear I heard that on Spotify. Wait,

00:34:04.369 --> 00:34:06.410
they changed the Heil Hitler song to the Hallelujah

00:34:06.410 --> 00:34:08.769
song? Yeah. It's wholesome. That's nice now.

00:34:08.849 --> 00:34:10.329
That's like when they changed the Let's Get Retarded

00:34:10.329 --> 00:34:12.650
to Let's Get It Started. Yeah. So they can do

00:34:12.650 --> 00:34:16.750
NBA commercials. It's not as good anymore. Everybody

00:34:16.750 --> 00:34:19.650
forgets Let's Get Retarded in here. That's a

00:34:19.650 --> 00:34:22.090
clear shift of when things change. You know the

00:34:22.090 --> 00:34:27.809
first one is Tutti Frutti. What? Tutti Frutti.

00:34:27.809 --> 00:34:31.019
The original was Tutti Frutti Good Booty. It

00:34:31.019 --> 00:34:34.039
wasn't Oh Rudy. Little Richard was singing about

00:34:34.039 --> 00:34:37.800
booties. Tutti Frutti. Tutti Frutti, Good Booty.

00:34:37.800 --> 00:34:40.219
It's all about sex. If you listen to the song,

00:34:40.420 --> 00:34:43.639
the original version of the song, you can see

00:34:43.639 --> 00:34:45.739
the lyrics online. You can find them. That was

00:34:45.739 --> 00:34:50.980
the original song. He was talking about... He's

00:34:50.980 --> 00:34:55.980
thinking about Good Booty. Isn't that wild? Good

00:34:55.980 --> 00:34:58.860
for him. This episode is brought to you by UFC

00:34:58.860 --> 00:35:02.340
on ESPN+. All right, guys, mark your calendars

00:35:02.340 --> 00:35:06.179
because UFC 316 is going down Saturday, June

00:35:06.179 --> 00:35:08.920
7th, live from Newark, New Jersey, and this card

00:35:08.920 --> 00:35:12.119
is stacked. In the main event, Marab Dwavishwili,

00:35:12.260 --> 00:35:14.840
a .k .a. The Machine, the bantamweight champion

00:35:14.840 --> 00:35:17.380
of the world, making his second title defense,

00:35:17.599 --> 00:35:20.019
and he's taking on none other than Sugar Sean

00:35:20.019 --> 00:35:22.840
O'Malley. You heard that right. It's a rematch

00:35:22.840 --> 00:35:26.079
from their wild clash at Noche UFC, then in the

00:35:26.079 --> 00:35:28.500
co -main. It's Kayla Harrison finally getting

00:35:28.500 --> 00:35:32.000
her shot at UFC gold. She's facing Juliana Pena,

00:35:32.139 --> 00:35:35.280
who is defending her title in her second reign.

00:35:35.480 --> 00:35:37.639
And listen, there is some serious heat between

00:35:37.639 --> 00:35:39.780
these two because whoever comes out on top might

00:35:39.780 --> 00:35:43.280
just end up facing Hall of Famer Amanda Nunes.

00:35:43.440 --> 00:35:47.320
Don't miss this one. Purchase UFC 316 at ESPNPlus

00:35:47.320 --> 00:35:51.719
.com slash Rogan Saturday, June 7th at 10 p .m.

00:35:51.719 --> 00:35:55.550
Eastern. Very gay. You can find the lyrics. He

00:35:55.550 --> 00:35:57.250
used to come to the store, Little Richard. Stay

00:35:57.250 --> 00:35:59.309
next door. Really? Stay beyond us. Yeah. Whoa.

00:35:59.309 --> 00:36:01.409
He used to live there, right? Yeah. It was a

00:36:01.409 --> 00:36:04.289
Hyatt back then. He lived there. Holy shit. Sometimes

00:36:04.289 --> 00:36:06.309
guys get to a certain point where they just want

00:36:06.309 --> 00:36:08.610
a maid to fucking clean the room. Who cares?

00:36:08.869 --> 00:36:11.190
An apartment, anywhere else, same thing. I thought

00:36:11.190 --> 00:36:16.010
Kim would live in a hotel too. Probably. It's

00:36:16.010 --> 00:36:18.570
a wild thing. They do so much money. Yeah, I

00:36:18.570 --> 00:36:21.519
know, right? That Chateau Marmont. A lot of people

00:36:21.519 --> 00:36:23.920
live there. When you're cracked out, it's a good

00:36:23.920 --> 00:36:26.139
place to go to be fully cracked out. It's the

00:36:26.139 --> 00:36:28.119
beginning of the end over there. You go there

00:36:28.119 --> 00:36:31.840
with a fucking plan. A velvet jacket and a plan.

00:36:32.820 --> 00:36:34.739
We're going to fucking die here. We're going

00:36:34.739 --> 00:36:37.139
to fucking die here. It's the right level of

00:36:37.139 --> 00:36:39.519
coke where I think I have powers. You got a cigarette

00:36:39.519 --> 00:36:42.099
holder with long stems. That must be so nice.

00:36:42.639 --> 00:36:45.280
I know. To be that high on cocaine that you're

00:36:45.280 --> 00:36:47.800
like, I am the man. I am the man. I'm going to

00:36:47.800 --> 00:36:50.159
fucking die in this place. I wouldn't want the

00:36:50.159 --> 00:36:52.300
maid coming in, though. Living in a hotel, you

00:36:52.300 --> 00:36:54.199
got secret shit in there. Yeah, but that's the

00:36:54.199 --> 00:36:56.039
thrill of it. That's the thrill of it. It's like

00:36:56.039 --> 00:36:58.639
spies. Like spy versus spy. Yeah, and you're

00:36:58.639 --> 00:37:02.280
so high. I'll keep it. I'll keep it. You're absolutely

00:37:02.280 --> 00:37:05.039
convinced the maid is CIA. Oh, 100%. That's the

00:37:05.039 --> 00:37:06.260
maid. It's like, you're coming in, you're coming

00:37:06.260 --> 00:37:08.960
all the way in. There's no peeking your head

00:37:08.960 --> 00:37:10.460
in. There's something hot about the maid in the

00:37:10.460 --> 00:37:12.539
room, isn't it? It's because of your porn search.

00:37:12.599 --> 00:37:14.860
Don't force it. You can grease it, make it easy.

00:37:15.079 --> 00:37:18.840
Whoa! They replaced with Tutti Frutti Arruti.

00:37:19.130 --> 00:37:21.289
Tutti Frutti already. Tutti Frutti, good booty.

00:37:21.469 --> 00:37:23.929
If it don't fit, don't force it. You can grease

00:37:23.929 --> 00:37:26.570
it, make it easy. What is the rest? This is WAP.

00:37:26.750 --> 00:37:29.170
This is the original WAP. Tutti Frutti, good

00:37:29.170 --> 00:37:32.570
booty. If it's tight, it's all right. If it's

00:37:32.570 --> 00:37:35.369
greasy, it makes it easy. Wow. I think it said

00:37:35.369 --> 00:37:37.639
he was playing this song live and then. When

00:37:37.639 --> 00:37:39.940
they recorded, it changed it. Wait, he was gay?

00:37:40.420 --> 00:37:44.820
Oh, yeah. What? Get out of here. Verses contain

00:37:44.820 --> 00:37:48.280
descriptions of anal sex. Oh, my goodness. Oh,

00:37:48.380 --> 00:37:49.780
yeah. It hits different when you know it's gay.

00:37:49.840 --> 00:37:53.519
Oh, my goodness. Gross. What does it say about?

00:37:53.659 --> 00:37:56.320
Hold on. Go back to the bottom. Stop right there.

00:37:57.739 --> 00:38:00.440
Blackwell contacted local songwriter Dorothy.

00:38:00.639 --> 00:38:03.070
A lady wrote this? That's to revise the lyrics.

00:38:03.070 --> 00:38:05.110
Boss Street to revise the lyrics. Oh, there we

00:38:05.110 --> 00:38:06.750
go. With Little Richard still playing in his

00:38:06.750 --> 00:38:09.889
characteristic style. Oh, after a lively performance,

00:38:10.150 --> 00:38:11.690
Blackwell knew the song was going to be a hit,

00:38:11.710 --> 00:38:15.269
but recognized that the lyrics, with their minstrel

00:38:15.269 --> 00:38:18.210
modes and sexual humor, needed to be revised

00:38:18.210 --> 00:38:20.949
for lyrical purity. Little Hibbert's time. Someone

00:38:20.949 --> 00:38:23.110
should make that now with the original. Yeah.

00:38:23.510 --> 00:38:27.679
You could make that hit. Yeah, Lil Nas X could

00:38:27.679 --> 00:38:30.260
put that out. Oh, yeah. 1955. Oh, yeah. It was

00:38:30.260 --> 00:38:32.659
1955. He was talking about greasing up guys'

00:38:32.739 --> 00:38:35.719
dicks and asses. Fetty Wap could do it. Free

00:38:35.719 --> 00:38:39.639
Fetty Wap. Free Fetty. What did he do? Nothing.

00:38:41.059 --> 00:38:45.260
Whoopsies. What was he accused of? Juicy J. I

00:38:45.260 --> 00:38:47.860
think it was selling drugs. Juicy J could pull

00:38:47.860 --> 00:38:51.059
that song off of your lips. Yeah. He never came

00:38:51.059 --> 00:38:52.960
off his game. There's dudes out there that could

00:38:52.960 --> 00:38:57.529
pull that off. Can't get a mouth pregnant. Is

00:38:57.529 --> 00:39:03.230
that right? Yeah. That's fun. They used to have

00:39:03.230 --> 00:39:05.630
to hide. Gay guys used to have to hide. Isn't

00:39:05.630 --> 00:39:07.730
that crazy? Just like a metaphor. You used to

00:39:07.730 --> 00:39:12.190
have to hide. The psycho, Anthony Perkis. Oh,

00:39:12.210 --> 00:39:17.690
he was gay too? Big homo. Big. You know where

00:39:17.690 --> 00:39:20.110
they still have to hide, though? Leading man

00:39:20.110 --> 00:39:23.809
roles. Yeah, Tom Cruise. I don't know if that's

00:39:23.809 --> 00:39:28.219
true. mountain just to not blow a guy. His grandfather,

00:39:28.380 --> 00:39:32.380
anyway. He's got to do those stunts to get his

00:39:32.380 --> 00:39:34.320
mind off it. You know what I'm saying? If you

00:39:34.320 --> 00:39:36.619
know a guy's married and he has a husband, you

00:39:36.619 --> 00:39:38.760
don't want to see him in a leading role making

00:39:38.760 --> 00:39:41.889
out with a lady. You're like, ah, he's all there

00:39:41.889 --> 00:39:43.730
thinking about dicks. That's a good point, but

00:39:43.730 --> 00:39:46.730
it's acting. But it's the one thing where we're

00:39:46.730 --> 00:39:51.030
homophobic openly, right? Lesbians, it doesn't

00:39:51.030 --> 00:39:52.909
matter. If you know a lady who's a lesbian, like

00:39:52.909 --> 00:39:54.769
Jodie Foster, she's allowed to play a wife of

00:39:54.769 --> 00:39:57.170
somebody. Nobody cares. Nobody blinks. But if

00:39:57.170 --> 00:40:01.010
you know, name one instance of a guy who's a

00:40:01.010 --> 00:40:05.090
young, handsome gay guy who gets to play straight

00:40:05.090 --> 00:40:09.199
in a big movie. Who would you say? If you found

00:40:09.199 --> 00:40:13.860
out that Christian Bale was gay, it would ruin

00:40:13.860 --> 00:40:18.659
his whole gig. Who are the gay gays? He's one

00:40:18.659 --> 00:40:20.780
of those actors like Daniel Day -Lewis. Too good.

00:40:20.940 --> 00:40:22.880
Where you're like, he's such a fucking artist

00:40:22.880 --> 00:40:26.920
that you'd be like, he's something. No one's

00:40:26.920 --> 00:40:29.639
pulled that off. Tom Hardy's bi. Tom Hardy's

00:40:29.639 --> 00:40:31.400
had some butt sex. Is that true? Yeah, Paul.

00:40:33.210 --> 00:40:36.030
Is that confirmed? He played a Mohican. That's

00:40:36.030 --> 00:40:37.969
for sure. I'm Hardy. So weird statements are

00:40:37.969 --> 00:40:42.010
fun. He's explicitly stated that he's gay. While

00:40:42.010 --> 00:40:44.150
he's not explicitly stated he's gay or bisexual,

00:40:44.289 --> 00:40:46.610
he's acknowledged exploring his sexuality. All

00:40:46.610 --> 00:40:48.289
right. Just tell me if he's had it in the butt

00:40:48.289 --> 00:40:51.309
or not. He just wears masks. No. He's exploring.

00:40:51.650 --> 00:40:54.639
Hardy's a good one. He wears goggles. He's great

00:40:54.639 --> 00:40:58.420
on Mobland, bro. Mobland is so good. He's great

00:40:58.420 --> 00:40:59.920
in everything. Have you seen it already? Uh -uh.

00:41:00.059 --> 00:41:02.880
Oh, my God. Paramount Plus, Mobland. Five stars.

00:41:03.119 --> 00:41:05.159
I give it all. All the stars. Guy Ritchie show.

00:41:05.340 --> 00:41:08.980
Oh, he's great. Crazy English mob show. You're

00:41:08.980 --> 00:41:10.860
like, Jesus Christ. Every show gives me anxiety.

00:41:11.119 --> 00:41:12.920
Every episode. I'm like, what the fuck? They

00:41:12.920 --> 00:41:15.320
need a rating system back on TV because I am

00:41:15.320 --> 00:41:17.460
too deep into these shows where it's like, oh,

00:41:17.500 --> 00:41:19.829
this is made for children. And like you don't

00:41:19.829 --> 00:41:24.050
know has stuff on regular TV and stuff like that

00:41:24.050 --> 00:41:38.889
and they just blend it all in together Don't

00:41:38.889 --> 00:41:42.130
they tell you like violence nudity all that stuff

00:41:42.130 --> 00:41:43.489
for the beginning of the section so you need

00:41:43.489 --> 00:41:45.889
that otherwise like I can't have it I need one's

00:41:45.889 --> 00:41:48.780
made for half deer all the kids are half Like,

00:41:48.860 --> 00:41:51.219
animals and half... Half deer. What? Half animals

00:41:51.219 --> 00:41:52.260
and half... Yeah, I know what that is. Yeah.

00:41:52.340 --> 00:41:55.639
It's a kid show. Yeah, yeah. You just see a season

00:41:55.639 --> 00:41:57.900
end, and you're like, oh. It's a kid show where

00:41:57.900 --> 00:41:59.860
they're half animals? Sweet Tooth. Sweet Tooth.

00:41:59.860 --> 00:42:01.699
I've never heard of this. What is it about? It's

00:42:01.699 --> 00:42:04.760
a little... Post -apocalyptic. Sweet Tooth. A

00:42:04.760 --> 00:42:06.199
post -apocalyptic... Yeah, where, like, women's

00:42:06.199 --> 00:42:09.219
animals started merging. What? Yeah, it's a cool

00:42:09.219 --> 00:42:10.940
idea. But it's a kid show. They don't tell you

00:42:10.940 --> 00:42:13.019
in the teaser. It's not really a kid show. DC

00:42:13.019 --> 00:42:14.440
Comics, I don't know. What the fuck? It's, like,

00:42:14.440 --> 00:42:16.800
not made for adults. What are you missing that

00:42:16.800 --> 00:42:20.139
you wish they had? More violence? More real violence.

00:42:20.179 --> 00:42:23.119
It's just too sweet. It's made for like 15 years.

00:42:23.679 --> 00:42:26.460
That's cute. Kids with antlers. It's kind of

00:42:26.460 --> 00:42:29.539
weird. Fun. They gotta sleep in the back. Is

00:42:29.539 --> 00:42:32.960
this a new... How do you sleep with antlers?

00:42:32.980 --> 00:42:35.579
It's bullshit. You think it's cute? Give a kid

00:42:35.579 --> 00:42:38.460
a fucking headgear that he can't move around

00:42:38.460 --> 00:42:40.800
his house in? What if he tries to get through

00:42:40.800 --> 00:42:42.340
the trees and he gets stuck? He's gonna cry.

00:42:43.349 --> 00:42:45.369
Yeah. Human kids with antlers? It's a terrible

00:42:45.369 --> 00:42:47.369
idea. Terrible idea. Don't do it. They got to

00:42:47.369 --> 00:42:50.550
fall out, boy. And then your fucking neck hurts

00:42:50.550 --> 00:42:52.090
because you're carrying on all that extra weight,

00:42:52.110 --> 00:42:54.230
and it falls off, and then it pops back up again.

00:42:54.769 --> 00:42:56.489
And that means you only breed once a year if

00:42:56.489 --> 00:42:59.409
you have antlers. Joe's taking it. You got one

00:42:59.409 --> 00:43:00.969
month out of the year when you get more antlers.

00:43:00.969 --> 00:43:02.190
That kid's going to watch out for you, dude.

00:43:02.530 --> 00:43:04.269
You're going to stab your friends to death with

00:43:04.269 --> 00:43:05.550
those antlers. You're going to be out in the

00:43:05.550 --> 00:43:07.989
woods. You're going to shoot them with a crossbow.

00:43:08.570 --> 00:43:10.510
I hunt those kids. This show's recommended for

00:43:10.510 --> 00:43:12.869
ages 10 and up. You're over 10. There you go.

00:43:13.010 --> 00:43:15.329
You're over 10. Fair, fair. I'll give it another

00:43:15.329 --> 00:43:18.429
go. I will give it another go. Yeah, the antlers,

00:43:18.429 --> 00:43:21.130
sometimes they get stuck in a tree. 100%. Yeah,

00:43:21.250 --> 00:43:24.079
animals die that way sometimes. Damn. I'd like

00:43:24.079 --> 00:43:25.920
to see them. You ever see those guys, like moose,

00:43:25.940 --> 00:43:27.639
like when they shake their fucking antlers off?

00:43:27.739 --> 00:43:29.719
What's that called? Oh, yeah, shedding. Whoa.

00:43:29.820 --> 00:43:32.739
That's crazy. Giant paddles. It's hilarious.

00:43:32.820 --> 00:43:35.039
Yeah, giant paddles. It, like, surprises them.

00:43:35.119 --> 00:43:36.820
Really? And then they're free because of all

00:43:36.820 --> 00:43:38.280
that weight. You know how much those things weigh?

00:43:38.400 --> 00:43:40.219
Those are bone. But it's basically a weapon,

00:43:40.320 --> 00:43:42.280
right? That's what they have. These two deer

00:43:42.280 --> 00:43:46.139
are locked. Oh. Oh. Yeah, this guy's going to

00:43:46.139 --> 00:43:48.099
shoot the antlers off. He's going to separate

00:43:48.099 --> 00:43:49.980
them. What the fuck? So he's going to do that

00:43:49.980 --> 00:43:51.920
with a shotgun. He's just got to get a good shot.

00:43:52.059 --> 00:43:53.659
Oh. Well, he's going to shoot the antlers and

00:43:53.659 --> 00:43:56.000
not them? Yeah, not them. He's an expert. Oh.

00:43:56.639 --> 00:43:58.840
He's a really good shot. And he's real close,

00:43:59.039 --> 00:44:01.059
so all he has to do is clip one of the antlers

00:44:01.059 --> 00:44:04.760
and it'll blow them all apart. Boom. He got it.

00:44:04.780 --> 00:44:08.659
Boom. So he shot the antler. Boom. What a guy.

00:44:08.679 --> 00:44:11.949
They broke free. Because they get eaten by coyotes

00:44:11.949 --> 00:44:13.949
that way. And the coyote eats your friend while

00:44:13.949 --> 00:44:16.449
you're stuck to him. They found this one deer.

00:44:16.789 --> 00:44:19.409
A buddy of mine found one deer that was connected

00:44:19.409 --> 00:44:23.630
still to this dead deer. The coyotes had eaten

00:44:23.630 --> 00:44:26.289
his friend. They ate his guts out. Everything

00:44:26.289 --> 00:44:28.369
was gone. They just ate as much as they wanted.

00:44:28.469 --> 00:44:31.510
In the morning, he's still stuck. Whoa. And he

00:44:31.510 --> 00:44:33.510
lived. Imagine how horrifying that would be.

00:44:33.949 --> 00:44:35.269
You're handcuffed to your buddy, and your buddy

00:44:35.269 --> 00:44:38.170
gets eaten by zombies, but they're full. You've

00:44:38.170 --> 00:44:39.489
got to chill with them for a minute. But you're

00:44:39.489 --> 00:44:41.530
still handcuffed to them. It's like when those

00:44:41.530 --> 00:44:44.090
guys fuck the Siamese twin, and they're like,

00:44:44.110 --> 00:44:45.670
well, it's only one asshole. Look at this. Here's

00:44:45.670 --> 00:44:49.409
another one of those. So this happens more than,

00:44:49.510 --> 00:44:51.510
you know. There's a coyote stalking them here.

00:44:51.730 --> 00:44:53.809
So it's coyotes that are moving in on him that

00:44:53.809 --> 00:44:55.789
have already killed his buddy, and he's still

00:44:55.789 --> 00:44:58.829
attached to them. And look, it's just gory and

00:44:58.829 --> 00:45:03.510
horrible. That's brutal. It's crazy. And he was

00:45:03.510 --> 00:45:05.210
stuck with them the whole time. Look how much

00:45:05.210 --> 00:45:07.469
they ate out of them. Oh, fuck. That's so dangerous.

00:45:08.110 --> 00:45:11.449
By the way, coyotes are just little wolves. That's

00:45:11.449 --> 00:45:13.230
all they are. They're little wolves that are

00:45:13.230 --> 00:45:14.510
everywhere in every state. They're everywhere.

00:45:14.750 --> 00:45:17.429
Everywhere. They're at my parents' house now

00:45:17.429 --> 00:45:19.250
in Pennsylvania. Yeah, they spread across the

00:45:19.250 --> 00:45:20.449
whole country. And you hear them at night. It's

00:45:20.449 --> 00:45:23.050
fucking, it's pretty intense. You start screaming.

00:45:23.130 --> 00:45:24.510
You know, like I was somebody's fucking pet.

00:45:24.969 --> 00:45:27.449
Triangulate, right? Yeah. They eat mostly pets.

00:45:27.690 --> 00:45:30.010
My cat was out there, and I was watching TV one

00:45:30.010 --> 00:45:32.079
night, and I heard them all screaming. I heard,

00:45:32.079 --> 00:45:33.920
like, screaming for a little, and I was like,

00:45:33.960 --> 00:45:36.400
what the fuck was that? And then I walked outside,

00:45:36.500 --> 00:45:38.840
and my cat was, like, laying on the ground, and

00:45:38.840 --> 00:45:41.619
there were just three coyotes circling him. And

00:45:41.619 --> 00:45:44.099
I don't run out there. I was so scared. I was

00:45:44.099 --> 00:45:46.639
like, hey, get the fuck out of here. Right. Yeah,

00:45:46.719 --> 00:45:48.400
they don't listen. But I picked my cat up, and

00:45:48.400 --> 00:45:50.099
he was purring. It was very weird. That's probably

00:45:50.099 --> 00:45:52.460
so happy that you did. It was really sweet. It

00:45:52.460 --> 00:45:54.360
was sweet, yeah. I love that cat. He's dead now.

00:45:54.599 --> 00:45:56.800
Ah! R .I .P. Tibble. That's the problem with

00:45:56.800 --> 00:45:59.800
cats. He got fucking mauled by something. He

00:45:59.800 --> 00:46:02.139
was an outdoor cat. Yeah. Outdoor cats are little

00:46:02.139 --> 00:46:04.000
murderers, though. I like them. He had it coming.

00:46:04.159 --> 00:46:05.639
Oh, yeah. They kill all the birds. They kill

00:46:05.639 --> 00:46:08.119
birds and present it to you. Yes. Brought rabbits

00:46:08.119 --> 00:46:10.119
into the house alive. Killed this for you. He

00:46:10.119 --> 00:46:11.519
was a fucking demon. I love you, Shane. Can you

00:46:11.519 --> 00:46:14.880
imagine how fun it must be to be a cat? You have

00:46:14.880 --> 00:46:17.079
all your food, so you're covered already. This

00:46:17.079 --> 00:46:19.059
is just for fun. This is funsies. Yeah. You're

00:46:19.059 --> 00:46:21.260
not eating for survival. I like to let them out.

00:46:21.340 --> 00:46:22.460
I feed off the screens. I didn't want him to

00:46:22.460 --> 00:46:24.820
be a house cat. Yeah, if a cat's got a yard,

00:46:24.920 --> 00:46:26.840
it's kind of brutal to not let them out, but

00:46:26.840 --> 00:46:28.699
it's brutal to let them out for everything else.

00:46:29.300 --> 00:46:33.460
I love those missing cat pictures on the post

00:46:33.460 --> 00:46:37.699
in L .A. Guess what? They're gone. Before coyotes,

00:46:37.760 --> 00:46:41.420
though, it wasn't... No. Unreasonable. Now it's

00:46:41.420 --> 00:46:44.400
like... Before a coyote, you found your cat dead

00:46:44.400 --> 00:46:46.699
on the side of the road. Every now and then,

00:46:46.760 --> 00:46:48.579
like a month later, that thing will come back,

00:46:48.639 --> 00:46:51.800
like a stepdad. Both of my cats were outdoor

00:46:51.800 --> 00:46:55.199
cats, and they came back. See? Fucking mauled.

00:46:55.380 --> 00:46:58.119
Really? One of them had its eyeball hanging out.

00:46:58.480 --> 00:47:01.099
Jesus Christ. Crawled back to the house. It's

00:47:01.099 --> 00:47:03.920
like John Wick. Come back torn up. They go out

00:47:03.920 --> 00:47:06.519
and fight to the death. Cats fight. It's horrible

00:47:06.519 --> 00:47:09.019
watching cats fight. Oh, yeah. Especially the

00:47:09.019 --> 00:47:11.780
outside ones where they really get after it because

00:47:11.780 --> 00:47:14.170
they're used to killing things. Regular indoor

00:47:14.170 --> 00:47:16.349
cat, their whole life they just like walk around

00:47:16.349 --> 00:47:18.650
with a boner. Never get the fuck. You know, that's

00:47:18.650 --> 00:47:20.230
what it's like. You're a little murderer. And

00:47:20.230 --> 00:47:21.769
you're a little murderer that's contained in

00:47:21.769 --> 00:47:23.489
the house. That's true. And you're showing me

00:47:23.489 --> 00:47:25.210
your asshole. If you let that little murderer

00:47:25.210 --> 00:47:27.230
out, it could be 11 years old. 11 years of the

00:47:27.230 --> 00:47:31.889
perfect life. Let him out. Lock on a bird. Who

00:47:31.889 --> 00:47:35.539
do you think wins? City cats or? Outdoor rural

00:47:35.539 --> 00:47:42.460
cats. Just like humans. Just like humans. Appalachia

00:47:42.460 --> 00:47:46.159
wins over New York City. If Dallas had to fight

00:47:46.159 --> 00:47:50.179
the ranchers. The ranchers that surround Dallas.

00:47:50.320 --> 00:47:53.460
They're like my Stetson hat. Fucking bloodbath.

00:47:53.480 --> 00:47:55.780
It'd be a bloodbath. Tim Walls versus Rogan.

00:47:55.980 --> 00:48:00.889
It's not. The world's got it all day long. It's

00:48:00.889 --> 00:48:03.969
funny. I had pride in that. In Queens, when I

00:48:03.969 --> 00:48:06.050
was walking around, I'd see an outdoor cat, and

00:48:06.050 --> 00:48:09.809
I'd just be like, Tibble would fuck you up. My

00:48:09.809 --> 00:48:13.170
guy would fuck you up. I got a Maine Coon. That's

00:48:13.170 --> 00:48:15.789
awesome. It's huge. Big paws, big ears, but I

00:48:15.789 --> 00:48:18.409
can't let it out. No shit. It's staying in my

00:48:18.409 --> 00:48:20.449
apartment. Like a fucking werewolf. Yeah. It's

00:48:20.449 --> 00:48:22.690
like a honey badger. That's so crazy. People

00:48:22.690 --> 00:48:25.389
say a lynx is loose. I mean, that thing's jumping

00:48:25.389 --> 00:48:29.010
up the stairs. When I was in high school, we

00:48:29.010 --> 00:48:31.050
lived across the street from this park area,

00:48:31.250 --> 00:48:34.650
and I had this black cat. This cat was evil.

00:48:34.730 --> 00:48:37.110
He killed everything. And one day he killed a

00:48:37.110 --> 00:48:39.989
squirrel, and he was dragging it across the street.

00:48:40.030 --> 00:48:42.230
The squirrel's as big as him. And he's got his

00:48:42.230 --> 00:48:44.670
mouth on the squirrel's neck, and the squirrel's

00:48:44.670 --> 00:48:46.909
body's between his legs, and he's walking with

00:48:46.909 --> 00:48:49.190
it like this, dragging it because he wants to

00:48:49.190 --> 00:48:51.690
show me that he killed the squirrel. I was like,

00:48:51.750 --> 00:48:54.070
yo. I was watching him do it from the window

00:48:54.070 --> 00:48:56.070
in the kitchen. I was like, what the fuck? I

00:48:56.070 --> 00:48:57.960
have to. this story on here before and stop me

00:48:57.960 --> 00:49:01.579
if i have i watched tibble killed a rabbit in

00:49:01.579 --> 00:49:04.519
the yard and i heard it screaming so i like went

00:49:04.519 --> 00:49:07.639
out to be like i pulled him off the rabbit and

00:49:07.639 --> 00:49:10.260
when i lifted it was funny he was all muscle

00:49:10.260 --> 00:49:11.659
i was holding him under his chest he was just

00:49:12.819 --> 00:49:14.920
Like you could feel him breathing. Then I put

00:49:14.920 --> 00:49:17.420
him back in the house, and as soon as I put him

00:49:17.420 --> 00:49:19.119
down, he fucking scratched me and walked away.

00:49:19.360 --> 00:49:22.260
He was mad at you. It was crazy. He was mad at

00:49:22.260 --> 00:49:24.380
you. You ruined his fun, piece of shit. This

00:49:24.380 --> 00:49:27.559
is what I live for. For real. Did I tell you

00:49:27.559 --> 00:49:33.980
when my dog got honey -dicked by a coyote and

00:49:33.980 --> 00:49:35.960
tricked into breaking into the chicken coop?

00:49:36.280 --> 00:49:38.900
Wait, honeydicked what, huh? Yeah, this coyote

00:49:38.900 --> 00:49:41.659
became his friend. He was this big mastiff. And

00:49:41.659 --> 00:49:43.320
the coyotes knew they couldn't eat him because

00:49:43.320 --> 00:49:45.219
he was huge. So they became friends with him.

00:49:45.440 --> 00:49:48.420
So he thought they were dogs. And so the coyote

00:49:48.420 --> 00:49:50.000
hopped the fence. He's like, hey, you know, there's

00:49:50.000 --> 00:49:51.760
a chicken in there. We can get in there. And

00:49:51.760 --> 00:49:53.780
he's like, I can get in there. So he fucking

00:49:53.780 --> 00:49:55.940
tears open the chicken coop because he could

00:49:55.940 --> 00:49:58.519
at any time. He wanted to. The coyote grabs it,

00:49:58.599 --> 00:50:00.719
and the coyote hopped over the fence. I watched

00:50:00.719 --> 00:50:03.159
the coyote hop over a six -foot wrought iron

00:50:03.159 --> 00:50:05.739
fence like it was nothing. That's awesome. leaped

00:50:05.739 --> 00:50:08.159
up in the air, touched the top of the fence with

00:50:08.159 --> 00:50:10.679
his feet, and then put his back feet on and hopped

00:50:10.679 --> 00:50:12.119
over with a chicken in his mouth. It's like a

00:50:12.119 --> 00:50:15.519
Mexican. You saw it taking the chicken? No, I

00:50:15.519 --> 00:50:18.280
just saw the chicken. I was playing a board game

00:50:18.280 --> 00:50:21.119
with my family in the living room, and one of

00:50:21.119 --> 00:50:26.780
my kids yelled out, it's a coyote! And then you

00:50:26.780 --> 00:50:29.539
see this fucking coyote run across the backyard

00:50:29.539 --> 00:50:32.039
with a chicken in his mouth. Just get to that

00:50:32.039 --> 00:50:35.659
fucking fence and leap. it like it flew like

00:50:35.659 --> 00:50:37.960
it was like gravity wasn't real you like impressed

00:50:37.960 --> 00:50:40.699
or were you mad super impressed yeah well it's

00:50:40.699 --> 00:50:42.920
like that you can't be mad i was mad i wanted

00:50:42.920 --> 00:50:44.960
to kill it but it's like that's that's what they

00:50:44.960 --> 00:50:47.440
do and that was impressive but that's all you

00:50:47.440 --> 00:50:50.280
that chicken's cost is worth you saying oh 100

00:50:50.280 --> 00:50:55.309
yeah 100 but Then Johnny realized that there's

00:50:55.309 --> 00:50:57.989
this whole, that was like one chicken was brooding.

00:50:58.010 --> 00:50:59.769
And when a chicken's brooding, you have to separate

00:50:59.769 --> 00:51:01.150
them from the other chickens because they won't

00:51:01.150 --> 00:51:02.510
lay eggs and they pick all their feathers out.

00:51:02.590 --> 00:51:04.190
They think they're going to make a baby with

00:51:04.190 --> 00:51:06.230
this unfertilized egg. So they would just want

00:51:06.230 --> 00:51:07.949
to sit on top of the egg. They don't want to

00:51:07.949 --> 00:51:09.969
go around. It's a weird psychological thing.

00:51:10.090 --> 00:51:11.690
The way to break them of it, you take them and

00:51:11.690 --> 00:51:14.219
you put them in a little. tiny pen by themselves

00:51:14.219 --> 00:51:16.679
where they have to stand on a post. So then they

00:51:16.679 --> 00:51:18.800
can't nest, right? And then they do it for a

00:51:18.800 --> 00:51:20.619
few days and they're like, I'm over it. And then

00:51:20.619 --> 00:51:22.139
they go back to being a regular chicken. They're

00:51:22.139 --> 00:51:24.320
not the smartest things in the world. So this

00:51:24.320 --> 00:51:26.900
one was in this little tiny one. But then Johnny

00:51:26.900 --> 00:51:29.800
Cash realized, I could just go through this wall.

00:51:30.329 --> 00:51:34.130
Because he was a 140 -pound mastiff. He was huge.

00:51:34.389 --> 00:51:37.989
So he just tore the chicken wire open himself

00:51:37.989 --> 00:51:40.750
and killed nine chickens before I got to him.

00:51:40.789 --> 00:51:43.329
Holy shit. Yeah, that was a couple days later.

00:51:43.489 --> 00:51:46.989
But the coyotes had talked to him and convinced

00:51:46.989 --> 00:51:49.670
him, like, chicken eating is fun. You're not

00:51:49.670 --> 00:51:51.449
eating these chickens. Look how big you are.

00:51:51.489 --> 00:51:53.789
You can eat the chickens. Good point. It tricked

00:51:53.789 --> 00:51:56.230
him into doing it, man. He had never done that

00:51:56.230 --> 00:51:58.559
before. And then he's hanging out with this coyote,

00:51:58.639 --> 00:52:02.820
and the coyote is like his homie. Damn. Honeydictum?

00:52:03.360 --> 00:52:05.099
Honeydictum. What's that term? They probably

00:52:05.099 --> 00:52:09.519
sent a female coyote and just like, ooh. That's

00:52:09.519 --> 00:52:11.940
what the Mormons do. Smells like pussy, doesn't

00:52:11.940 --> 00:52:13.239
it? The Mormons out in Salt Lake, they send all

00:52:13.239 --> 00:52:15.019
the cute ones to try to convert you, try to get

00:52:15.019 --> 00:52:16.940
you in. I heard it works. That would work on

00:52:16.940 --> 00:52:20.739
me in a second. Except if you're 21. No, but

00:52:20.739 --> 00:52:22.659
the problem is it's a Utah hot, so it's like

00:52:22.659 --> 00:52:26.579
a five. I disagree. Utah's pretty hot. The one's

00:52:26.579 --> 00:52:28.699
out. The one's out. The ones still in are chubby

00:52:28.699 --> 00:52:32.079
and fucking not tattooed. You see Japan. Good.

00:52:32.800 --> 00:52:34.579
Ari's like, they have to be tattooed before I

00:52:34.579 --> 00:52:37.260
like them. That's hilarious. Anyone in Utah that's

00:52:37.260 --> 00:52:38.719
out of the Mormons that are just like, fuck,

00:52:38.739 --> 00:52:42.400
sleeves, heroin. Once they get out, they go hard.

00:52:42.599 --> 00:52:45.539
They go hard. Fake tits, they go in. Well, seeing

00:52:45.539 --> 00:52:46.980
as they feel like they have to make up for lost

00:52:46.980 --> 00:52:48.820
time. Right. They've been wearing magic underwear

00:52:48.820 --> 00:52:51.780
since you're 24. They can't even drink coffee.

00:52:52.139 --> 00:52:53.860
That's so crazy. But you can drink energy drinks.

00:52:54.000 --> 00:52:56.039
Did you know that? Really? No. My friend was

00:52:56.039 --> 00:52:58.079
a Mormon. He was down in these fucking giant

00:52:58.079 --> 00:53:00.539
monsters. I was like, bro, that is way more caffeine

00:53:00.539 --> 00:53:03.539
than a cup of coffee. He's like, yeah, but it

00:53:03.539 --> 00:53:05.760
says coffee. It doesn't say energy drinks. Yeah,

00:53:05.860 --> 00:53:09.280
but a guy wrote it. We know the guy. It's tough

00:53:09.280 --> 00:53:11.159
telling a Mormon. They believe a guy wrote it.

00:53:11.519 --> 00:53:14.219
What are you talking about? A 14 -year -old wrote

00:53:14.219 --> 00:53:16.380
that down. Just some dude. He had a gold tablet,

00:53:16.440 --> 00:53:17.780
and he was the only one that could read it. He

00:53:17.780 --> 00:53:20.219
would deprive energy drinks of you, too. That's

00:53:20.219 --> 00:53:21.920
true. He would now. Oh, yeah, 100%. He just didn't

00:53:21.920 --> 00:53:24.260
know about it. No loopholes. No porn, no caffeine,

00:53:24.500 --> 00:53:27.280
no booze. Magic underwear. And they got a soak.

00:53:27.480 --> 00:53:29.400
They can't thrust. That's fine. I don't mind

00:53:29.400 --> 00:53:30.420
a little soaking. I don't mind a little soaking.

00:53:30.420 --> 00:53:31.800
Dude, I love the idea. Soak is actually pretty

00:53:31.800 --> 00:53:33.420
good. I couldn't do it. It's impossible. Even

00:53:33.420 --> 00:53:35.980
a girl gets off on a soak. Just leave it in,

00:53:35.980 --> 00:53:37.300
no movement. She's like, that's what I like.

00:53:37.340 --> 00:53:39.820
I'm like, whoa. Where the fuck do you find her?

00:53:39.980 --> 00:53:43.980
Mormon country. New York. You got to get an Amish

00:53:43.980 --> 00:53:46.860
lady. New York is your address. She's asleep.

00:53:48.219 --> 00:53:51.880
Come on down. Want to see pictures? Yeah, no.

00:53:52.000 --> 00:53:54.099
When I found out about soaking, I was like, oh,

00:53:54.099 --> 00:53:57.519
that's it. It's so crazy that they allow them

00:53:57.519 --> 00:53:59.539
to do that. Also, you know you're going to blow

00:53:59.539 --> 00:54:03.039
if you're soaking. I blow just being next to

00:54:03.039 --> 00:54:05.659
a girl. Of course. It's a hot meat glove. In

00:54:05.659 --> 00:54:07.960
there. It's designed for that. It's designed

00:54:07.960 --> 00:54:11.179
to trick you into making people. Yeah. It's designed

00:54:11.179 --> 00:54:13.840
to trick you into it. You see Japan's birth rate

00:54:13.840 --> 00:54:16.059
is so low they're flying people in. You get a

00:54:16.059 --> 00:54:19.260
birth rate. Pull it up. Yeah, it is crazy. They

00:54:19.260 --> 00:54:21.639
make it real economical. Real safe to live there,

00:54:21.659 --> 00:54:24.280
too. A lot of appeal. But you got to learn Japanese.

00:54:24.619 --> 00:54:27.119
I think they would learn it. It's an easy language

00:54:27.119 --> 00:54:30.360
to learn. Is it? No. It's all symbols and upside

00:54:30.360 --> 00:54:32.539
down brushes and stuff. It's so nuts that people

00:54:32.539 --> 00:54:34.539
develop these fucking languages that are just

00:54:34.539 --> 00:54:37.019
so different than anywhere else. When you look

00:54:37.019 --> 00:54:39.219
at Russian writing, you're like, what are you

00:54:39.219 --> 00:54:42.119
doing with the letters? I was in New York yesterday

00:54:42.119 --> 00:54:44.679
and there was a white family speaking a language.

00:54:44.739 --> 00:54:46.500
I'm usually pretty good at picking out what the

00:54:46.500 --> 00:54:49.719
language is. Yeah. No idea. Really? Probably

00:54:49.719 --> 00:54:53.079
Estonians. Icelandic or some shit. It was something

00:54:53.079 --> 00:54:56.280
like crazy. Viking. Viking talk. They looked

00:54:56.280 --> 00:55:00.199
like Vikings. I just played Reykjavik. That is

00:55:00.199 --> 00:55:04.079
a great town. Unreal. It's like otherworldly.

00:55:04.219 --> 00:55:08.139
It's glaciers. It's volcanoes. It's saunas and

00:55:08.139 --> 00:55:11.099
hot springs. And they all speak English. In town,

00:55:11.320 --> 00:55:15.099
for sure. It was great. Deep in the whatever.

00:55:17.679 --> 00:55:19.440
Yeah, Reykjavik rules. That's a cool drinking

00:55:19.440 --> 00:55:22.579
town. Yeah, great town. Interesting. The chicks

00:55:22.579 --> 00:55:24.880
are, like, smart. Yeah. That's where all the

00:55:24.880 --> 00:55:27.500
strongmen come from, too. Oh, yeah. Big dudes

00:55:27.500 --> 00:55:29.320
out there. All those Magnus von Magnussen -type

00:55:29.320 --> 00:55:33.079
dudes. Blonde men. Big fucking Viking leftovers.

00:55:33.380 --> 00:55:35.059
That's a cousin fucking. I was hoping I had some

00:55:35.059 --> 00:55:37.739
Viking in me. You don't? No, just strictly fucking

00:55:37.739 --> 00:55:40.340
Irish. I was hoping I was one of those fucking

00:55:40.340 --> 00:55:42.460
Irish people that got raped by Vikings. Yeah.

00:55:43.440 --> 00:55:46.280
I'm probably a fucking Viking. No, just a fucking

00:55:46.280 --> 00:55:50.760
mud person. How far back can they tell? Like,

00:55:50.820 --> 00:55:52.380
what happened to you? Yeah, what percentage?

00:55:52.840 --> 00:55:54.559
We're all the same. They're always updating it,

00:55:54.599 --> 00:55:56.639
too, like 23andMe. Thank God they didn't get

00:55:56.639 --> 00:55:58.960
bought by the Chinese. Some other company bought

00:55:58.960 --> 00:56:01.280
23andMe. Now our data's safe again, boys. I don't

00:56:01.280 --> 00:56:03.559
know what they're going to do with my shit. I

00:56:03.559 --> 00:56:05.340
know. They're going to use it to make a fucking

00:56:05.340 --> 00:56:07.980
disease that only kills you. They got your DNA

00:56:07.980 --> 00:56:11.559
now. I got that. I got that already. It's called

00:56:11.559 --> 00:56:15.659
fucking... It's called Irish. Yeah, me and my

00:56:15.659 --> 00:56:19.820
whole island that I came from. I did Belfast.

00:56:19.860 --> 00:56:22.300
It's wild. You can't bring up the whole, you

00:56:22.300 --> 00:56:24.079
know. Yeah, the Troubles. Yeah, the Troubles,

00:56:24.079 --> 00:56:25.659
which is a cute name. You can't bring it up.

00:56:26.599 --> 00:56:31.039
People are still alive. I put the wrong flag

00:56:31.039 --> 00:56:33.280
on Instagram, and I got like 20 messages like,

00:56:33.320 --> 00:56:35.800
take that shit down, we'll kill you. You can't

00:56:35.800 --> 00:56:38.360
put up any flag. Don't put up flags. If you put

00:56:38.360 --> 00:56:40.099
up a flag, you're going to get messages from

00:56:40.099 --> 00:56:43.099
somebody. That's true. Spain has like three flags.

00:56:43.320 --> 00:56:46.739
The pride flag. Got me in trouble, too. It's

00:56:46.739 --> 00:56:48.780
the whole month, boys. Oh, that's right. Yeah,

00:56:48.800 --> 00:56:54.420
it's time. It's a lot less talk about it. Yeah,

00:56:54.480 --> 00:56:55.860
it's not everywhere anymore. Every corporation.

00:56:55.860 --> 00:56:57.280
It's funny. The corporation's like, oh, we don't

00:56:57.280 --> 00:56:59.400
have to anymore? Turns out we're always. Didn't

00:56:59.400 --> 00:57:02.059
give a fuck. We never once actually gave a fuck.

00:57:02.119 --> 00:57:03.960
They gave a fuck for one month. Is it still Pride

00:57:03.960 --> 00:57:06.400
Month? Yeah, it just started. Say no Pride Month.

00:57:06.619 --> 00:57:09.579
They're still going to do Pride Month. I hope

00:57:09.579 --> 00:57:11.219
he doesn't say no Pride Month. Well, you can't.

00:57:11.320 --> 00:57:14.440
But the thing is, you can't. If we decide to

00:57:14.440 --> 00:57:16.079
protect our parks month, who the fuck is going

00:57:16.079 --> 00:57:20.360
to tell us? It's not an official thing. Who are

00:57:20.360 --> 00:57:22.619
the officials at this point in time? The gay

00:57:22.619 --> 00:57:24.219
overlords. Prime month no more. Trump administration

00:57:24.219 --> 00:57:26.960
says June is title nine month. What is that?

00:57:27.099 --> 00:57:30.039
That is the thing that allows women to compete

00:57:30.039 --> 00:57:33.000
with only women in sports. Isn't title nine where

00:57:33.000 --> 00:57:35.500
they have to get women's sports money? Yeah,

00:57:35.519 --> 00:57:38.559
equal representation for women's sports. And

00:57:38.559 --> 00:57:42.239
now title nine is anti -trans? It was pro -women.

00:57:42.300 --> 00:57:44.619
It's pro -women and then there's trans women

00:57:44.619 --> 00:57:46.099
who think they're women and they want to compete

00:57:46.099 --> 00:57:48.599
with women and title nine should be there protecting.

00:57:49.139 --> 00:58:00.619
Some dude with a problem. If you just were allowed

00:58:00.619 --> 00:58:02.940
to like beat up women if you like made a league

00:58:02.940 --> 00:58:10.880
where men are allowed to fight women My fucking

00:58:10.880 --> 00:58:19.360
league hasn't taken off yet I think he did it

00:58:19.360 --> 00:58:21.460
in a special. Yeah, where it's like he went to

00:58:21.460 --> 00:58:23.139
Iran or something with his chick, and she was

00:58:23.139 --> 00:58:24.159
like, we're supposed to come here. I was like,

00:58:24.219 --> 00:58:26.960
you let her talk to you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're

00:58:26.960 --> 00:58:29.139
just like, oh, you're about to punch. He's like,

00:58:29.179 --> 00:58:30.500
I'm going to take my babe on a nice vacation.

00:58:30.780 --> 00:58:32.500
Yeah, some guy in the neighborhood might smack

00:58:32.500 --> 00:58:34.800
her in the head for you. Some guy might walk

00:58:34.800 --> 00:58:36.480
by and just smack her if she's yelling at you.

00:58:37.539 --> 00:58:40.900
You know Iran is one of the places that has the

00:58:40.900 --> 00:58:45.059
most gender transition surgeries? No way. Yeah,

00:58:45.099 --> 00:58:46.840
you know why? Why? Because you can't be gay.

00:58:47.699 --> 00:58:51.320
Oh, yeah. So they just become trans. A lot of

00:58:51.320 --> 00:58:54.900
religious loopholes. Interesting. Yeah. See if

00:58:54.900 --> 00:58:57.840
that's true. I love that moment. You say something

00:58:57.840 --> 00:59:00.039
out loud. I'm pretty sure that's true. I'm pretty

00:59:00.039 --> 00:59:01.639
sure we've actually looked it up before. And

00:59:01.639 --> 00:59:03.659
so you're not gay. You're trans. So it's so interesting.

00:59:04.019 --> 00:59:06.500
But they don't allow trans. They do. They do.

00:59:06.880 --> 00:59:09.460
You just got to wrap it up. You got to be convincing.

00:59:09.460 --> 00:59:11.659
Wrap it up. And drag queens. Cover the face.

00:59:11.860 --> 00:59:13.840
Oh, yeah. It's so easy to be trans there. Yeah.

00:59:13.840 --> 00:59:15.679
You could be a furry. That's what furries are

00:59:15.679 --> 00:59:18.139
all about. You get a hatch. You're just a hatch.

00:59:18.360 --> 00:59:20.340
True. You pop the hatch. You're fucking a squirrel.

00:59:20.539 --> 00:59:22.519
That's what's going on. Don't get me started.

00:59:22.559 --> 00:59:24.780
You're just a happy chipmunk banging a squirrel.

00:59:25.059 --> 00:59:27.139
Don't get me started on these good ideas. Great

00:59:27.139 --> 00:59:29.780
ideas. Everybody just looks like a cute cartoon

00:59:29.780 --> 00:59:31.940
character. You never go eye to eye with anybody

00:59:31.940 --> 00:59:33.639
because they're soulless. There's no eye there.

00:59:35.000 --> 00:59:38.480
There is a sex reassignment surgery is not only

00:59:38.480 --> 00:59:40.940
legal in Iran, but Tehran is considered to be

00:59:40.940 --> 00:59:42.860
an international hub for obtaining it. Guys,

00:59:42.940 --> 00:59:44.340
let's go. The procedure has been allowed since

00:59:44.340 --> 00:59:47.219
Ayatollah, boy, say his name. Ayatollah Khomeini.

00:59:47.320 --> 00:59:50.079
But the first, the mental part. Was it Ruhollah?

00:59:50.239 --> 00:59:52.900
I've never heard that. Khomeini learned of the

00:59:52.900 --> 00:59:55.639
hardships of trans women and issued a religious

00:59:55.639 --> 00:59:58.500
decree to legalize it in the mid -1980s. What?

00:59:58.500 --> 01:00:01.059
During the Ayatollah Khomeini's rule? That's

01:00:01.059 --> 01:00:04.579
crazy. So it's illegal to be gay. But you can

01:00:04.579 --> 01:00:06.840
switch genders because that's what's really going

01:00:06.840 --> 01:00:09.639
on. You're not really a gay man. That's impossible.

01:00:10.119 --> 01:00:13.480
Every time I read these Muslim Sharia things,

01:00:13.599 --> 01:00:17.099
I go, God damn, they're the bros. It's just bro

01:00:17.099 --> 01:00:19.440
law. They're like, dude, come on, man. You can't

01:00:19.440 --> 01:00:22.199
be gay, but you can be a chick. You can be a

01:00:22.199 --> 01:00:24.940
chick. Okay? Are you sure? All right, let's go.

01:00:25.159 --> 01:00:26.599
Surgery. You guys are good at it. We've been

01:00:26.599 --> 01:00:29.599
doing it since the 80s. What? Wow. The 80s? Yeah,

01:00:29.659 --> 01:00:33.760
we use a Kirby sword. We slice your penis. By

01:00:33.760 --> 01:00:41.380
the way, everybody's cats trans. Wait, what?

01:00:41.480 --> 01:00:44.500
You have a male cat. You castrate him. Everybody

01:00:44.500 --> 01:00:46.320
does. Because you leave them in the house. If

01:00:46.320 --> 01:00:47.800
your cat goes in the house, they'll pee all over

01:00:47.800 --> 01:00:49.760
your fucking house. That's true. They will mark

01:00:49.760 --> 01:00:52.699
every spot in your house. You have to cut their

01:00:52.699 --> 01:00:55.059
balls off. I'm just trying to get normal. R.

01:00:55.059 --> 01:00:57.880
Kelly. It's amazing how many cats there are out

01:00:57.880 --> 01:00:59.679
there because every male cat gets his balls chopped

01:00:59.679 --> 01:01:02.519
off. That's true, but the stray cats do all the

01:01:02.519 --> 01:01:04.760
fucking. Oh, yeah. They do a lot of fucking.

01:01:04.820 --> 01:01:07.659
Pick up the slack. They do a lot of fucking.

01:01:08.429 --> 01:01:11.309
I think Kat Dixon's getting after it. Oh, really?

01:01:11.949 --> 01:01:14.190
Kat Dixon little spikes where they go in, they

01:01:14.190 --> 01:01:16.849
can't come out. Do you ever see that video where

01:01:16.849 --> 01:01:19.909
the crow talks these two cats fighting each other?

01:01:20.329 --> 01:01:23.670
He fucks with them. He fucks with one cat and

01:01:23.670 --> 01:01:25.230
he flies over to the other roof and fucks with

01:01:25.230 --> 01:01:28.369
the other cat. He gets them fully worked up.

01:01:28.449 --> 01:01:30.570
Fully worked up. And then they fucking start

01:01:30.570 --> 01:01:33.030
duking it out. And the crow flies down. He goes

01:01:33.030 --> 01:01:35.250
down while they're scrambling. He's fucking Herb

01:01:35.250 --> 01:01:39.690
Dean. He loved it. He instigated it. Got it to

01:01:39.690 --> 01:01:43.719
happen. And was a fucking willing... Participant.

01:01:43.719 --> 01:01:46.079
We should be using crows. They're so smart. They're

01:01:46.079 --> 01:01:48.559
crazy smart. Yeah. Crazy smart. We got to harness

01:01:48.559 --> 01:01:51.039
that. Just befriending them. I mean, Edgar Allan

01:01:51.039 --> 01:01:54.320
Poe figured that out way back in the day. Crowbar.

01:01:54.699 --> 01:01:56.920
Ravens and crows. They're so fucking intelligent.

01:01:57.099 --> 01:01:59.340
We had it. Edgar Allan Poe. Crowing machine.

01:01:59.579 --> 01:02:03.000
Edgar Allan Poe. He starts fucking with this

01:02:03.000 --> 01:02:05.159
one cat. Just get real close to him. Just kind

01:02:05.159 --> 01:02:07.460
of pecking at him. Fuck out. What the fuck is

01:02:07.460 --> 01:02:09.639
wrong with you, bitch? Oh, shit. Just fucking

01:02:09.639 --> 01:02:12.679
with him. Just completely riling up, pecking

01:02:12.679 --> 01:02:14.940
at him. Look at this. And just jumping just out

01:02:14.940 --> 01:02:16.519
of the way. He knows how fast he is. He knows

01:02:16.519 --> 01:02:18.159
how fast he can. He's like, nah, quick enough,

01:02:18.360 --> 01:02:20.179
bitch. Go get that one. Damn. And so he gets

01:02:20.179 --> 01:02:21.480
over, he's like, fuck it, that's got him. Fight,

01:02:21.480 --> 01:02:25.000
fight. Wow. Before that, though, he went over

01:02:25.000 --> 01:02:26.780
to the other side and was fucking with that.

01:02:26.800 --> 01:02:28.019
Look it, they fall off the roof. And then he

01:02:28.019 --> 01:02:30.219
goes down and follows them. Still getting after

01:02:30.219 --> 01:02:32.940
it. They don't stop when they fall 30 feet. Yeah.

01:02:33.539 --> 01:02:36.039
They're still duking it out, man. Just duking

01:02:36.039 --> 01:02:37.940
it out. And then they go down those stairs. Look

01:02:37.940 --> 01:02:39.300
at that little hole. Look, they're going to fall

01:02:39.300 --> 01:02:42.889
down the hole. Boom! Still duking it out. Look

01:02:42.889 --> 01:02:45.750
at this. They're going after it, son. That's

01:02:45.750 --> 01:02:47.550
a fight to the death. They do love jiu -jitsu,

01:02:47.570 --> 01:02:49.329
too. They're good from their back. They lay on

01:02:49.329 --> 01:02:51.010
their back and kick up. They scratch the fuck

01:02:51.010 --> 01:02:53.289
out of each other. My outdoor cat would come

01:02:53.289 --> 01:02:56.010
home with just deep scratches all over his ears.

01:02:56.150 --> 01:03:00.309
His ears were all tattered. Yikes. Ugh. That's

01:03:00.309 --> 01:03:03.150
funny. That's a funny idea. And if they get locked

01:03:03.150 --> 01:03:05.389
when they're having sex, they get stuck. Exactly.

01:03:05.389 --> 01:03:07.090
Because they're a barbed dick. I've seen dogs

01:03:07.090 --> 01:03:09.820
do that. Ugh. Wait, dogs what? Dogs have the

01:03:09.820 --> 01:03:11.760
same thing. Locked dicks. Oh, really? Oh, yeah,

01:03:11.780 --> 01:03:15.480
yeah, yeah. Pull it up. They're just stuck with

01:03:15.480 --> 01:03:17.539
a hard dick. It's honestly like every one I stand.

01:03:17.900 --> 01:03:19.199
That's mostly. You're like, I want to get out

01:03:19.199 --> 01:03:21.119
of here. We're the only mammals, I think, that

01:03:21.119 --> 01:03:22.679
don't have a bone for the dick because otherwise

01:03:22.679 --> 01:03:25.320
we just use it constantly. Speak for yourself.

01:03:25.800 --> 01:03:29.039
Yeah. These poor dogs. Dogs fucking locked. Yeah,

01:03:29.039 --> 01:03:31.900
that's it. It's the beagles. All right. We've

01:03:31.900 --> 01:03:35.239
reached. Yeah. This is exactly where this podcast

01:03:35.239 --> 01:03:37.599
goes. I don't even know how you get them unstuck.

01:03:37.599 --> 01:03:39.219
Do you throw cold water on them? What do you

01:03:39.219 --> 01:03:40.659
do? It's like antlers. You got to shoot it. How

01:03:40.659 --> 01:03:42.500
do they get unstuck? They got to go back to the

01:03:42.500 --> 01:03:44.480
right position? Yeah, you got to wait. Oh, my

01:03:44.480 --> 01:03:45.940
God. Wait till what? Wait till the dick goes

01:03:45.940 --> 01:03:49.239
soft. Damn. Give them the jizz. But it's just

01:03:49.239 --> 01:03:51.929
a bone. That's what's crazy. Is that right? Yeah.

01:03:52.090 --> 01:03:53.929
But you see dogs fucking on the side of the road.

01:03:53.969 --> 01:03:57.730
It looks pleasant. Yeah. No one's ever said that

01:03:57.730 --> 01:03:59.769
before. We've all seen like, hey, look at that.

01:04:01.050 --> 01:04:02.889
That's pleasant. That's like a warm cup of tea.

01:04:02.889 --> 01:04:04.349
I don't think I've ever seen dogs actually fucking.

01:04:04.489 --> 01:04:05.630
Oh, I've seen it all the time. I see it at the

01:04:05.630 --> 01:04:07.250
dog park all the time. It's so funny because

01:04:07.250 --> 01:04:10.489
the owners get like, hey, I'm so sorry. And the

01:04:10.489 --> 01:04:12.909
dog's like, leave us alone. Right. We don't care.

01:04:13.329 --> 01:04:14.409
But you never see a dog like, woo! The owner's

01:04:14.409 --> 01:04:17.360
like, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. Yeah. Kind

01:04:17.360 --> 01:04:19.079
of calm. They just do it real quick and get out

01:04:19.079 --> 01:04:21.579
of there. Yeah, like a Mormon. The girl dogs

01:04:21.579 --> 01:04:24.219
aren't upset. I saw a video of these bulldogs

01:04:24.219 --> 01:04:25.760
fucking and it made me actually kind of sad.

01:04:25.860 --> 01:04:29.719
Jamie, find a sad bulldogs fucking. What was

01:04:29.719 --> 01:04:32.599
sad about it? You'll see. It's a tale as old

01:04:32.599 --> 01:04:35.380
as time. Genetically fucking twisted. Just makes

01:04:35.380 --> 01:04:38.820
you feel a type of way. Really? I don't want

01:04:38.820 --> 01:04:41.460
to give you. Yeah, there's a twist on this. There's

01:04:41.460 --> 01:04:43.420
a show twist on this video. What happens? No,

01:04:43.420 --> 01:04:47.139
nothing that bad. It's just, you know. Ooh. Oh,

01:04:47.139 --> 01:04:51.119
baby. What went wrong with this bulldog? Nothing.

01:04:51.159 --> 01:04:53.059
It's just a guy. It's a guy dog trying to talk

01:04:53.059 --> 01:04:54.780
to a girl. And then another guy comes in. He's

01:04:54.780 --> 01:04:57.000
like, hey, what's up? And they run off. Oh. And

01:04:57.000 --> 01:04:58.500
then the camera pans over and they're fucking

01:04:58.500 --> 01:05:00.480
again. And then it goes back to the bulldog that's

01:05:00.480 --> 01:05:02.619
sitting there. He's like, hmm. Oh, I've been

01:05:02.619 --> 01:05:04.420
there. God damn it. Yeah, we've all been there.

01:05:04.440 --> 01:05:06.940
That's the worst. So, but J -Mo's quicker. Bulldog's

01:05:06.940 --> 01:05:09.480
fucking sad. J -Mo's losing. He's going to nail

01:05:09.480 --> 01:05:11.800
that. J -Mo's losing. He has a different algorithm

01:05:11.800 --> 01:05:13.820
than you. No, he started describing a different

01:05:13.820 --> 01:05:16.400
thing. We were talking about dogs stuck together,

01:05:16.559 --> 01:05:18.559
so I'm looking for two dogs stuck together, and

01:05:18.559 --> 01:05:20.320
now you said it was a third dog. That gets one

01:05:20.320 --> 01:05:22.199
velvet suit. Three -way, yeah. Talking back.

01:05:22.500 --> 01:05:24.119
You ever see a lady fuck a dog on the internet?

01:05:24.380 --> 01:05:27.860
I did. I saw one on VHS tape when I was 18. Me

01:05:27.860 --> 01:05:30.760
too. Really does. Best day of my life. It was

01:05:30.760 --> 01:05:32.639
a German Shepherd. This lady was fucking a German

01:05:32.639 --> 01:05:33.559
Shepherd. It's always a goddamn German Shepherd.

01:05:33.559 --> 01:05:36.380
What is this? Always. I saw two guys get in a

01:05:36.380 --> 01:05:39.460
fight, Jim Painter and Carboni, and we were all

01:05:39.460 --> 01:05:42.280
watching a dog fucking a chick, and Jim was like,

01:05:42.360 --> 01:05:45.239
she has nice tits. And Pete Carboni was like,

01:05:45.300 --> 01:05:46.719
what the fuck? She's getting fucked by a dog.

01:05:46.840 --> 01:05:48.079
And he's like, that has nothing to do with the

01:05:48.079 --> 01:05:50.519
tits. The tits are nice. What does that have

01:05:50.519 --> 01:05:52.099
to do with it? I'm glad they had that argument.

01:05:52.219 --> 01:05:54.380
That's everybody's internal argument about whether

01:05:54.380 --> 01:05:56.699
her tits were nice or not. She's being fucked

01:05:56.699 --> 01:05:58.599
up about it. He needs to leave the room. No,

01:05:58.639 --> 01:06:01.059
I had that fight in my head when I saw it. Really?

01:06:01.159 --> 01:06:02.980
Yeah. Two sides of me were going, what the fuck

01:06:02.980 --> 01:06:04.860
are you watching? This is disgusting. That lady

01:06:04.860 --> 01:06:07.099
should be put down. And then the other side of

01:06:07.099 --> 01:06:10.659
me is going, that's fucking nice. Same with chick

01:06:10.659 --> 01:06:15.019
with dick. You're like, eh, good tits. The balls

01:06:15.019 --> 01:06:17.300
are a problem. Some guys get to a point where

01:06:17.300 --> 01:06:19.659
that's the only thing that turns them on. Big

01:06:19.659 --> 01:06:23.280
tits and a hard -on. Let's go. Yeah. Best of

01:06:23.280 --> 01:06:25.579
both worlds. Get crazy. It's a tough thing to

01:06:25.579 --> 01:06:26.599
be locked in. Plus, you want someone who never

01:06:26.599 --> 01:06:28.639
says no. You want someone who wants it all the

01:06:28.639 --> 01:06:32.179
time. Oh, you want to fuck? Okay. The Ayatollah

01:06:32.179 --> 01:06:35.000
was into it. Apparently, yeah. He was like, I

01:06:35.000 --> 01:06:37.300
have a religious decree, dude. Trans is fucking

01:06:37.300 --> 01:06:41.840
sick. Let me be the first to try them. By Ayatollah.

01:06:43.239 --> 01:06:48.460
Not bad. Not bad. Not bad. All right, the Bulldog

01:06:48.460 --> 01:06:50.219
video is not good enough for us to take this

01:06:50.219 --> 01:06:53.400
time. I guess so. It's fallen out of favor. I

01:06:53.400 --> 01:06:54.900
think Jamie's not looking it up because he's

01:06:54.900 --> 01:06:56.739
still worried about that money you owe him. Oh!

01:06:58.800 --> 01:07:02.800
Oh, shit. Now we're talking. Oh, I thought you

01:07:02.800 --> 01:07:05.099
guys better than that. He owes me more money.

01:07:05.219 --> 01:07:10.559
Oh! He owes me money for what? No, no, no. I

01:07:10.559 --> 01:07:13.599
saved you. It's back. Leave it to the Jew to

01:07:13.599 --> 01:07:17.300
bring up the debt. The debt is owed. That debt

01:07:17.300 --> 01:07:19.119
is owed. Oh, I definitely paid him the debt back.

01:07:19.179 --> 01:07:21.579
I flew him back from the game. He brought confetti

01:07:21.579 --> 01:07:24.820
onto the fucking flight. I was telling someone

01:07:24.820 --> 01:07:27.539
the other day about how when you were a struggling

01:07:27.539 --> 01:07:29.900
comic, you would make a living going to those

01:07:29.900 --> 01:07:31.739
poker tournaments. It definitely wasn't comedy

01:07:31.739 --> 01:07:33.920
I wasn't paying. He was making a living playing

01:07:33.920 --> 01:07:39.880
poker. What was this, a year ago? Yeah, the drunk

01:07:39.880 --> 01:07:42.659
Mexicans on Fridays. Just steal money off them

01:07:42.659 --> 01:07:44.719
on paydays. You can just say Mexicans. They would

01:07:44.719 --> 01:07:47.170
just go all in with the jack, dude. Yeah, you

01:07:47.170 --> 01:07:48.650
didn't have to get so descriptive. You got a

01:07:48.650 --> 01:07:51.309
no way. Oh, it was great. Yeah Yeah, I remember

01:07:51.309 --> 01:07:53.110
you still like that was how you were making a

01:07:53.110 --> 01:07:55.309
living. It was crazy I was like I don't think

01:07:55.309 --> 01:07:58.150
I've ever met anybody who like reasonably approached

01:07:58.150 --> 01:08:01.469
gambling Like this is how I'm gonna like use

01:08:01.469 --> 01:08:03.329
this as a job You're the first guy that I ever

01:08:03.329 --> 01:08:06.329
met that like used poker as like you played it

01:08:06.329 --> 01:08:08.789
professionally like you were you were intelligent

01:08:08.789 --> 01:08:11.289
about it It's the mathematicians my math wasn't

01:08:11.289 --> 01:08:13.690
great like these other guys are crazy They know

01:08:13.690 --> 01:08:15.590
the exact note. But mine, compared to just a

01:08:15.590 --> 01:08:18.310
regular, I was pretty good. And you took all

01:08:18.310 --> 01:08:20.289
the money from the poor, drunk Mexicans? 100%.

01:08:20.289 --> 01:08:23.250
You really are a Jew. Yeah, yeah. Texas. That

01:08:23.250 --> 01:08:25.850
wasn't even funny enough for them. That one's

01:08:25.850 --> 01:08:27.850
going to get you in trouble. Yeah, it's an equalizer.

01:08:27.890 --> 01:08:29.470
You play with the fucking owner of the Lakers.

01:08:29.689 --> 01:08:31.270
Didn't know what it was going to become. And

01:08:31.270 --> 01:08:33.829
then Jose Canseco was there. But you're all equal.

01:08:33.989 --> 01:08:36.789
Tournament. You're all buying for the same. And

01:08:36.789 --> 01:08:39.220
then I just started smoking weed. Like at the

01:08:39.220 --> 01:08:41.760
time, so I could see through people when I was

01:08:41.760 --> 01:08:45.020
high. Really? Oh, yeah. Yeah, you see something,

01:08:45.079 --> 01:08:48.579
right? You're just like, got it. That's nice.

01:08:48.659 --> 01:08:50.720
Yeah, it was nice. What happens if you never

01:08:50.720 --> 01:08:54.300
won? You got to pay the rent. Well, I played

01:08:54.300 --> 01:08:57.479
with the bank. Oh, jeez. So like whatever I had

01:08:57.479 --> 01:08:59.569
already won a little bit. It's like you're just

01:08:59.569 --> 01:09:01.350
playing out of there And so when you when you

01:09:01.350 --> 01:09:03.569
like win big you see all these like guys kind

01:09:03.569 --> 01:09:04.909
of looking at you as you're going to cash in

01:09:04.909 --> 01:09:06.789
And you're just like uh you keep this money here

01:09:06.789 --> 01:09:08.770
for me for next time like yeah, I'm like okay

01:09:08.770 --> 01:09:18.109
Pull you over six blocks out $12 ,000 on a fucking

01:09:18.109 --> 01:09:20.949
second place victory at fucking yeah hustler

01:09:20.949 --> 01:09:23.760
Casino or Hollywood Park Man. Commerce. That's

01:09:23.760 --> 01:09:26.359
a better idea than being good at poker. Yeah.

01:09:26.460 --> 01:09:28.520
Right. Just get a gun. Just follow something.

01:09:28.600 --> 01:09:32.439
See who you want to go. Right. It's easy. So

01:09:32.439 --> 01:09:33.739
glad I don't have a gambling addiction. Shady

01:09:33.739 --> 01:09:36.239
times. It's a scary addiction. Yeah. I don't

01:09:36.239 --> 01:09:40.380
have it. I don't either. It's fun to gamble on

01:09:40.380 --> 01:09:45.119
sports a little. Yeah. But I don't chase it ever.

01:09:45.399 --> 01:09:48.630
Same. For some people, it's like a thrill. and

01:09:48.630 --> 01:09:50.270
there's nothing else in their life that gives

01:09:50.270 --> 01:09:52.750
them a thrill. They got a job. The job sucks.

01:09:52.970 --> 01:09:55.210
They got a family they don't like, and they go

01:09:55.210 --> 01:09:59.310
out, and they fucking risk it all. Risk it all.

01:09:59.329 --> 01:10:01.109
They're fucking shaking, and they can't wait

01:10:01.109 --> 01:10:04.569
to do it again. We'd go after spots, and then

01:10:04.569 --> 01:10:06.789
we'd go, like, midnight one, go down there, and

01:10:06.789 --> 01:10:09.250
then if you played for, like, five hours, you're

01:10:09.250 --> 01:10:11.130
all right, leave. If it's seven, you're like,

01:10:11.189 --> 01:10:12.289
hey, it's rush hour. That means you've got to

01:10:12.289 --> 01:10:14.550
play for ten. You've got to miss rush hour to

01:10:14.550 --> 01:10:18.409
get back. You'd just be there forever. Damn.

01:10:18.409 --> 01:10:21.069
Yeah, and it's a 24 -hour -a -day deal. Oh, yeah,

01:10:21.149 --> 01:10:24.229
there's no windows. No windows. It's just like...

01:10:24.229 --> 01:10:25.750
It's like this. Different world of people, too.

01:10:25.750 --> 01:10:27.529
Real degenerates. Sitting around with sunglasses,

01:10:27.810 --> 01:10:30.390
drinking. Same as the pool hall people. Probably

01:10:30.390 --> 01:10:33.430
those are worse, probably. Same humans. Yeah.

01:10:33.470 --> 01:10:35.189
Same humans. At least the pool hall people have

01:10:35.189 --> 01:10:38.090
some skill. You get to know each other. Yeah.

01:10:38.109 --> 01:10:40.670
Like, oh, you're regulars. You talk all the time.

01:10:40.750 --> 01:10:42.289
It's just like... But we're all trying to steal

01:10:42.289 --> 01:10:44.510
money from each other. Yeah. So we're like enemies,

01:10:44.750 --> 01:10:47.229
but we're being friendly. That was pool hall

01:10:47.229 --> 01:10:50.770
banter. It was all guys who were trying to rob

01:10:50.770 --> 01:10:53.130
other guys. Like, I can't play you even. I need

01:10:53.130 --> 01:10:54.390
the eight ball. And they'd be sitting around

01:10:54.390 --> 01:10:56.829
talking forever. Everyone's got a gambling addiction.

01:10:57.149 --> 01:10:59.909
It's like, who can hold out the longest? It was

01:10:59.909 --> 01:11:01.970
like two guys with a boner. Like, we can't fuck

01:11:01.970 --> 01:11:04.989
yet. Come on now. Let's fuck. No, no, no. Not

01:11:04.989 --> 01:11:08.109
yet. They'd hold off to try to get a better deal.

01:11:08.229 --> 01:11:10.819
And you were in there. That was funny when we

01:11:10.819 --> 01:11:12.260
were in the car, and we were talking about you

01:11:12.260 --> 01:11:13.899
playing pool all the time, and he was just like,

01:11:14.020 --> 01:11:17.180
I'm a psycho. Yeah, he's a psycho. We'd go out

01:11:17.180 --> 01:11:18.899
to shows, and be like, let's go play pool. It's

01:11:18.899 --> 01:11:20.380
like something to do, you know, after a show.

01:11:20.680 --> 01:11:24.220
Okay, cool, an hour or two. Seven. At some point,

01:11:24.220 --> 01:11:26.460
he's like, Joe, can we please get out of here?

01:11:26.720 --> 01:11:29.399
I have a problem. Really? Yeah, but it's a good

01:11:29.399 --> 01:11:31.699
problem. It's good problems. Yeah, it's not a

01:11:31.699 --> 01:11:35.060
problem like I smoke crack. My problem is when

01:11:35.060 --> 01:11:37.359
I lock on something, time goes away. Yeah, you

01:11:37.359 --> 01:11:39.860
can catch heroin, or you can catch fishing. Yeah.

01:11:39.860 --> 01:11:41.380
That's a better one. Fishing's a better one.

01:11:41.600 --> 01:11:43.920
Pool's a better one. Pool's a good one because

01:11:43.920 --> 01:11:45.899
you can only do it physically for so long. Whereas

01:11:45.899 --> 01:11:48.680
video games, you can play video games 12 hours

01:11:48.680 --> 01:11:51.020
in a row. That's true. No problem. All you're

01:11:51.020 --> 01:11:53.560
doing is sitting. Keeps you up. Yeah. Drink Mountain

01:11:53.560 --> 01:11:56.220
Dew. It keeps you totally dialed in. Yeah. You

01:11:56.220 --> 01:11:58.039
got explosions going off in your ear. You're

01:11:58.039 --> 01:12:01.840
gunning folks down. You're running down hallways.

01:12:01.960 --> 01:12:03.560
All right. One more level. One more level. And

01:12:03.560 --> 01:12:05.239
it's four hours past. Why am I going to bed?

01:12:05.600 --> 01:12:07.819
Got the headset on and call a guy in Mumbai a

01:12:07.819 --> 01:12:10.439
fag. You need a job in the morning that you have

01:12:10.439 --> 01:12:13.479
to get up for. Or a girlfriend. Or a girlfriend.

01:12:13.800 --> 01:12:18.439
Are you fucking serious? It's four in the morning.

01:12:18.899 --> 01:12:21.100
Come to bed. I had a call. Dirty problem was

01:12:21.100 --> 01:12:23.960
I'd oversleep spots. You go to sleep at like

01:12:23.960 --> 01:12:26.979
4 p .m. You know, just like up, up, up. And then

01:12:26.979 --> 01:12:28.380
you're like, oh, fuck, I missed my spot because

01:12:28.380 --> 01:12:30.819
I was sleeping. Man, you've lived a lot of lives.

01:12:31.079 --> 01:12:33.739
Dude, they're going to put a fucking helmet on

01:12:33.739 --> 01:12:37.619
you one day. And are you prepared to engage?

01:12:37.899 --> 01:12:40.460
Oh, that's coming. Yes. You're going to be in

01:12:40.460 --> 01:12:44.220
the world. Like, fully in the world. Bombs going

01:12:44.220 --> 01:12:46.500
off. You're running down a dirty street hoping

01:12:46.500 --> 01:12:49.420
that this is not real life. That if you die,

01:12:49.500 --> 01:12:52.300
you're going to respawn. Jesus! It's Westworld.

01:12:52.359 --> 01:12:54.659
Bullets are flying by, breaking the bricks behind

01:12:54.659 --> 01:12:57.239
your head. All that shit's, yeah, Westworld.

01:12:57.680 --> 01:13:00.020
But Westworld, you could die. You could die,

01:13:00.020 --> 01:13:01.800
but the people didn't know that they were robots.

01:13:01.939 --> 01:13:03.460
They thought they were in the game. Right. But

01:13:03.460 --> 01:13:05.840
they were like, whoa, who am I? That's going

01:13:05.840 --> 01:13:07.659
to happen, man. We're all ones and zeros. We've

01:13:07.659 --> 01:13:09.819
been in the AI for a long time. Did you hear

01:13:09.819 --> 01:13:13.020
that theory? Yeah, we're in the simulation. Come

01:13:13.020 --> 01:13:14.899
on. I'm kind of willing to believe that. Humanity

01:13:14.899 --> 01:13:17.359
ended hundreds of years ago, but they mined us

01:13:17.359 --> 01:13:19.699
for our info. Well, this is just what reality

01:13:19.699 --> 01:13:22.159
is. I think we have a version of reality that's

01:13:22.159 --> 01:13:25.140
not real. The real reality is we're in a gigantic

01:13:25.140 --> 01:13:27.760
computer simulation. Damn, I couldn't have gotten

01:13:27.760 --> 01:13:30.479
a bigger dick. Nope. That's what you get if you

01:13:30.479 --> 01:13:32.680
want that sense of humor. Yeah, what happens?

01:13:32.819 --> 01:13:34.500
You want that sense of humor? Make the average

01:13:34.500 --> 01:13:36.779
eight. It is kind of crazy that they've come

01:13:36.779 --> 01:13:39.420
up with so many medications, not one to grow

01:13:39.420 --> 01:13:43.039
a dick. Yeah, that's true. There's probably a

01:13:43.039 --> 01:13:45.039
bunch of guys that don't want it. You can't give

01:13:45.039 --> 01:13:46.840
them big dicks. Because if you give them big

01:13:46.840 --> 01:13:49.199
dicks, if it's only a couple hundred bucks. Yeah,

01:13:49.199 --> 01:13:52.020
society will shut down. Nobody's going to do

01:13:52.020 --> 01:13:52.880
a single thing. Eventually you've got pussies

01:13:52.880 --> 01:13:56.399
so big they flop down to freedom. Yeah, flying

01:13:56.399 --> 01:13:58.340
squirrel pussy people. Remember that bit? That's

01:13:58.340 --> 01:14:00.159
what I'm in the name of. That's old school. Right.

01:14:00.220 --> 01:14:03.539
That was old school. Yeah, it's a weird thing.

01:14:03.539 --> 01:14:06.479
Pushing a dick around in a shopping cart. That's

01:14:06.479 --> 01:14:08.279
what a lot of people thought the war on steroids

01:14:08.279 --> 01:14:10.300
was. You're trying to stop people from getting

01:14:10.300 --> 01:14:14.560
just massive. That's why China's so angry. Little

01:14:14.560 --> 01:14:18.100
dicks. Pissing them off. Yeah. Dude, they're

01:14:18.100 --> 01:14:20.479
using CRISPR now. I bet they've got giant dicks.

01:14:20.479 --> 01:14:22.000
We just haven't seen it yet. What's CRISPR? What's

01:14:22.000 --> 01:14:24.460
CRISPR? Genetic engineering. They're editing

01:14:24.460 --> 01:14:27.359
people's genes. That's the number one thing.

01:14:27.420 --> 01:14:29.380
Give my son a big dick. Let's see what happens.

01:14:29.380 --> 01:14:32.300
Give a big dick a super brain. They supposedly

01:14:32.300 --> 01:14:35.439
inoculated these kids from HIV. They kept them

01:14:35.439 --> 01:14:37.739
from getting HIV, but in the process made them

01:14:37.739 --> 01:14:39.460
more intelligent. Like, dude, I know what you're

01:14:39.460 --> 01:14:41.640
doing. You're making them more intelligent. Oopsie.

01:14:41.640 --> 01:14:43.300
We also made them way more intelligent. They're

01:14:43.300 --> 01:14:44.720
like, you're not supposed to do that. So they

01:14:44.720 --> 01:14:46.699
put the guy in jail for it. couple years. Now

01:14:46.699 --> 01:14:48.739
he's back, kicking ass again. He was like their

01:14:48.739 --> 01:14:51.100
top dude, their top genetic guy. Like, yeah,

01:14:51.100 --> 01:14:54.020
you're gonna be a drill. And in jail, you get

01:14:54.020 --> 01:14:56.659
millions of dollars in hookers. In jail, you

01:14:56.659 --> 01:14:59.180
get your dick sucked every day, and you're eating

01:14:59.180 --> 01:15:03.859
roast beef. In jail, you're a bad boy. You did

01:15:03.859 --> 01:15:06.119
a good job. Good job. Hear me out here. Maybe

01:15:06.119 --> 01:15:11.180
this is the shrooms talking, but I think the

01:15:11.180 --> 01:15:14.630
dick size you have makes you who you are. Because

01:15:14.630 --> 01:15:16.770
you've got to overcome. Tell it to that lady

01:15:16.770 --> 01:15:18.050
who was beating up on chicks in the Olympics.

01:15:18.310 --> 01:15:20.989
All right. How big was her dick? I don't know.

01:15:21.090 --> 01:15:23.789
That was a tiny dick. That tiny dick move is

01:15:23.789 --> 01:15:26.609
to become great. Exactly. To beat up women. Kevin

01:15:26.609 --> 01:15:29.590
Hart syndrome. Oh, how dare you. I can't beat

01:15:29.590 --> 01:15:31.250
up men because I'll go, don't you have a small

01:15:31.250 --> 01:15:33.130
dick? You're like, damn it, good point. And they

01:15:33.130 --> 01:15:36.750
leave to find a woman to beat up. Oh, boy. I'm

01:15:36.750 --> 01:15:38.069
telling you, you've got to work with what you've

01:15:38.069 --> 01:15:41.250
got. If you have the choice through CRISPR, how

01:15:41.250 --> 01:15:43.810
big your son's dick's going to be. You got to

01:15:43.810 --> 01:15:46.329
give him a medium. Medium. Don't go crazy. You

01:15:46.329 --> 01:15:49.029
can't go crazy. He'll dominate your house. Yeah,

01:15:49.090 --> 01:15:50.010
12 -inch dick. That's what I'm saying. What did

01:15:50.010 --> 01:15:51.770
you say to me? 15 -year -old with a fucking piece

01:15:51.770 --> 01:15:54.050
of shit. He'll supplant you. He said clean your

01:15:54.050 --> 01:15:57.510
room. I paid for that dick, son. I gave you that

01:15:57.510 --> 01:16:00.409
dick, you motherfucker. Yeah, you created a monster.

01:16:00.810 --> 01:16:03.229
Well, having a son is probably a lot like having

01:16:03.229 --> 01:16:06.909
a wild dog where you have to train him, get him

01:16:06.909 --> 01:16:09.770
exercising every day, wear him out. Get them

01:16:09.770 --> 01:16:12.449
calm. Yeah. Realize like, hey, fella, I know

01:16:12.449 --> 01:16:15.029
you're ready to go all the time. That's what

01:16:15.029 --> 01:16:16.649
we got to do. We got to burn that out of you

01:16:16.649 --> 01:16:18.310
every day so you'd be a good citizen. Right.

01:16:18.710 --> 01:16:20.590
But if you're just fucking not paying attention,

01:16:20.930 --> 01:16:25.090
then you got a wild teenager. It must be crazy.

01:16:25.109 --> 01:16:26.390
Yeah. If you have a son, you have to get him

01:16:26.390 --> 01:16:29.989
to not shoot up or or. Or rape until they understand

01:16:29.989 --> 01:16:31.710
why both of those are wrong. Has there been a

01:16:31.710 --> 01:16:34.149
jacked school shooter? Never. Of course not.

01:16:34.310 --> 01:16:35.909
Not one. They don't need it. Has there ever been

01:16:35.909 --> 01:16:38.250
one that's not on medication? Not one. Every

01:16:38.250 --> 01:16:40.069
school shooter looks like Michael Moore. Thomas

01:16:40.069 --> 01:16:42.409
Matthew Crooks had a huge hog. Who's that? Who's

01:16:42.409 --> 01:16:45.279
that? The guy who shot Trump. Did he? How do

01:16:45.279 --> 01:16:47.640
you know he had a huge hog? Huge hog. The kid?

01:16:47.800 --> 01:16:49.920
I see it. Every one of those guys. The 20 -year

01:16:49.920 --> 01:16:51.619
-old kid? Yeah. How do you know he had a huge

01:16:51.619 --> 01:16:54.680
hog? Oh, it's all over the 4chan. Sucked him

01:16:54.680 --> 01:16:57.539
off on the roof. That's why he couldn't get away.

01:16:58.680 --> 01:17:02.359
Hey, we took a shot at an old hog. He didn't

01:17:02.359 --> 01:17:03.539
miss my mouth. Don't you want to come in my mouth?

01:17:03.739 --> 01:17:05.819
I will say, I didn't miss my mouth. It was like

01:17:05.819 --> 01:17:09.979
those two handlers locked on. The school shooters

01:17:09.979 --> 01:17:12.949
do have giant dick builds, though. Yeah, skinny.

01:17:13.050 --> 01:17:14.069
You know what I mean? They're all tall, skinny,

01:17:14.210 --> 01:17:16.569
weird guys. Yeah, yeah. Alien bodies. Bro, there

01:17:16.569 --> 01:17:19.130
was this guy who was a professor of mathematics

01:17:19.130 --> 01:17:21.750
at MIT. I did Taekwondo with him. I don't want

01:17:21.750 --> 01:17:22.949
to say his name, but if I tell you his name,

01:17:22.970 --> 01:17:25.529
it's even more hilarious. This guy had a donkey

01:17:25.529 --> 01:17:29.670
dick. Really? Everybody would change in the locker

01:17:29.670 --> 01:17:31.890
room. We would change. We'd be like, what the

01:17:31.890 --> 01:17:36.010
fuck? Really? He's like this really kind of uncoordinated,

01:17:36.130 --> 01:17:38.670
crazy hair. He had the Jufro, the whole deal.

01:17:38.770 --> 01:17:42.510
He had a dick that was like. A solid, limp nine

01:17:42.510 --> 01:17:45.649
inches. What? It was a giant dick with giant

01:17:45.649 --> 01:17:47.409
balls. And everybody would see it and be like,

01:17:47.489 --> 01:17:49.569
what the fuck? And his wife never left his side.

01:17:50.710 --> 01:17:53.409
She was protecting that diamond. She had that

01:17:53.409 --> 01:17:55.689
diamond dick everywhere she went. It was like

01:17:55.689 --> 01:17:58.250
a dog with a bone. She was always there at every

01:17:58.250 --> 01:18:00.670
training session. She would travel with him to

01:18:00.670 --> 01:18:02.270
tournaments. She wasn't going nowhere. Did the

01:18:02.270 --> 01:18:04.189
dick ever hit you on the mat? You're like, Jesus.

01:18:04.229 --> 01:18:06.350
No, it was Taekwondo. You had to wear a cup.

01:18:06.550 --> 01:18:09.279
You're wearing a cup. It's all tucked away. Could

01:18:09.279 --> 01:18:10.960
you call it out at the locker room? Could you

01:18:10.960 --> 01:18:13.100
go, Jesus, Harry. No, it's the one thing you

01:18:13.100 --> 01:18:14.699
didn't talk about. You wear cups for jujitsu?

01:18:15.560 --> 01:18:18.119
Yes, I do. I wear a pitcher. You need to easily.

01:18:18.119 --> 01:18:20.840
Some guys don't. Some guys don't. But I got kneed

01:18:20.840 --> 01:18:22.720
in the balls too many times. That's great. Thanks,

01:18:22.739 --> 01:18:26.479
man. A pitcher. It is funny. It's very funny

01:18:26.479 --> 01:18:28.579
when you see one of your buddies has a huge dick.

01:18:28.960 --> 01:18:31.500
It's weird. It changes the dynamic. And people

01:18:31.500 --> 01:18:33.100
with huge dicks don't like talking about it.

01:18:33.399 --> 01:18:34.760
Yeah, that's true. You ever make fun of a guy

01:18:34.760 --> 01:18:36.180
for having a big dick? Big dick embarrassment.

01:18:36.859 --> 01:18:40.680
That's crazy. Like you with your shoulders. You

01:18:40.680 --> 01:18:42.319
get jacked. Not a big deal. Shut the fuck up.

01:18:42.319 --> 01:18:45.380
You get jacked. Yeah, the huge dong is a game

01:18:45.380 --> 01:18:46.720
changer. It's like when you see your friend playing

01:18:46.720 --> 01:18:48.039
the piano. You're like, wait, where'd this come

01:18:48.039 --> 01:18:50.619
from? Holy shit. You tapped it? It's a weird

01:18:50.619 --> 01:18:53.000
skill to have. Piano? Yeah, when someone sits

01:18:53.000 --> 01:18:54.319
down and all of a sudden they can play and you're

01:18:54.319 --> 01:18:56.399
like, you never told me? It's funny to see any

01:18:56.399 --> 01:18:58.560
friend who has a skill. Hinchcliffe can play

01:18:58.560 --> 01:19:00.939
piano. Come on. And drums. Fucking checks out.

01:19:01.210 --> 01:19:03.609
And drums. Piano checks out. He plays drums.

01:19:03.649 --> 01:19:05.550
But he sits down and just starts playing piano.

01:19:05.630 --> 01:19:07.390
You're like, where did this come from? Plays

01:19:07.390 --> 01:19:11.529
a skin flute. That's a trombone, the old rusty

01:19:11.529 --> 01:19:15.090
trombone. Oh, yeah. Yeah, the extracurricular

01:19:15.090 --> 01:19:18.090
skills off stand -up is interesting. Bobby Lee

01:19:18.090 --> 01:19:22.689
can dance well and skate. No. Wow. I bet he plays

01:19:22.689 --> 01:19:25.770
the fuck out of some video games. Yeah, and some

01:19:25.770 --> 01:19:30.729
math. Some math. Andy Haynes can shred on skis.

01:19:30.890 --> 01:19:32.970
Right. There's certain guys that are just like,

01:19:33.029 --> 01:19:35.489
what's this other thing? Right. O 'Connor was

01:19:35.489 --> 01:19:41.010
D1 lacrosse. Wow. Really? Wow. Man, Penn State?

01:19:41.770 --> 01:19:46.640
Drexel. Nice. You were thinking Duke. I got my

01:19:46.640 --> 01:19:50.420
ribs mixed up. Michael Kosta. Kosta's a tennis

01:19:50.420 --> 01:19:52.640
player? Professional tennis player. Wow. He was

01:19:52.640 --> 01:19:55.159
like a really good tennis player. 1200th in the

01:19:55.159 --> 01:19:57.220
world. Oh, yeah. Which doesn't sound good, but

01:19:57.220 --> 01:19:58.140
it's pretty good. How about Rich Voss? It's pretty

01:19:58.140 --> 01:20:00.500
good. How about Voss being like a karate guy?

01:20:00.760 --> 01:20:03.000
Really? Have you seen those pictures? What? No.

01:20:03.300 --> 01:20:06.079
He's a golf guy. It was like right when he started

01:20:06.079 --> 01:20:09.859
doing crack. Oh, Jeff Ross. No. Voss. Oh, Jeff

01:20:09.859 --> 01:20:11.899
Ross is a black belt in Taekwondo. Really? I

01:20:11.899 --> 01:20:13.220
would never have guessed that. You with pool?

01:20:14.680 --> 01:20:16.500
It's like there's people that can like do something

01:20:16.500 --> 01:20:19.739
like what photo of him throwing a kick, but he's

01:20:19.739 --> 01:20:22.000
got a jerry -curl Oh, that's just got addicted

01:20:22.000 --> 01:20:28.399
to fucking crack No, it's fucking it's good.

01:20:28.560 --> 01:20:30.199
Let me see his form. I don't have you can find

01:20:30.199 --> 01:20:32.880
the city About kicking that guy some got some

01:20:32.880 --> 01:20:34.380
young cop was trying to like get in with him

01:20:34.380 --> 01:20:35.899
and make be cool And he was making fun of his

01:20:35.899 --> 01:20:43.100
kid just too familiar Jason Kanter He just kicked

01:20:43.100 --> 01:20:45.819
them Boss kicked him. Broke his ribs. Yeah. Boss

01:20:45.819 --> 01:20:48.500
fucking rules. Broke his ribs. He was like, actually,

01:20:48.579 --> 01:20:52.199
nah, Jason. Nah. Just broke a rib. Oh, yeah.

01:20:52.199 --> 01:20:54.380
Jesus Christ. His drug stories. Broke his ribs?

01:20:54.439 --> 01:20:56.699
Horse kicked him like that. Really? Yeah, at

01:20:56.699 --> 01:20:59.000
the Caroline's Christmas party. Fucking front

01:20:59.000 --> 01:21:00.619
kicked him at a Christmas party. Front kick.

01:21:00.739 --> 01:21:03.060
What the fuck? I think I heard Jason was like,

01:21:03.119 --> 01:21:05.159
no, I was out of line. He was. What year was

01:21:05.159 --> 01:21:07.819
this? What year was this? 2009. Wow, that's a

01:21:07.819 --> 01:21:10.680
risky time. Risky time to be front kicking people.

01:21:10.739 --> 01:21:15.789
The internet exists. Yeah. Yeah. You can front

01:21:15.789 --> 01:21:17.869
kick people in the 80s. You have no recourse.

01:21:18.350 --> 01:21:20.489
No one's going to believe you. You got any DNA?

01:21:20.789 --> 01:21:25.409
Yeah. You got nothing. You got a story? Barkley

01:21:25.409 --> 01:21:27.930
threw a guy through a window. It was wild. What?

01:21:28.010 --> 01:21:29.609
Nobody knew anything. What's that? Barkley threw

01:21:29.609 --> 01:21:31.609
a guy through a window at a bar. What? Charles?

01:21:31.909 --> 01:21:34.069
But there's no video. He could just do it. Whoa.

01:21:34.069 --> 01:21:36.090
The guy was being too close to me. Threw a guy

01:21:36.090 --> 01:21:38.289
through a window is dangerous. Bro, that's how

01:21:38.289 --> 01:21:40.789
people die. I'd love to. Cut your neck, glass.

01:21:41.310 --> 01:21:42.970
I mean, the way he died, he was talking shit

01:21:42.970 --> 01:21:45.789
to fucking Charles Barkley. Yeah, giant super.

01:21:45.930 --> 01:21:50.170
I might be 6 '5", but I rebound like 6 '9". He's

01:21:50.170 --> 01:21:52.289
a funny guy. Also, if that guy fucking punches

01:21:52.289 --> 01:21:54.670
you, oh, my God. You get punched by an NBA player?

01:21:55.350 --> 01:21:56.409
If you're going to bother me, I'm going to whip

01:21:56.409 --> 01:21:58.789
your ass. Charles Pocky threw a man through a

01:21:58.789 --> 01:22:05.069
glass window. Wow. Imagine you're just some dummy

01:22:05.069 --> 01:22:06.989
who just thinks you can just talk shit to a guy

01:22:06.989 --> 01:22:11.029
forever, and then this 300 -pound giant man just

01:22:11.029 --> 01:22:15.930
grabs you and threads you away like you're a

01:22:15.930 --> 01:22:19.609
cushion on a couch. He just chucks you. It's

01:22:19.609 --> 01:22:22.090
like the guy on the flight. Try to fuck with

01:22:22.090 --> 01:22:24.729
Tyson. Tyson, yeah. Well, that's wonderful. Yeah.

01:22:25.489 --> 01:22:27.890
There's dudes out there sitting back and watching

01:22:27.890 --> 01:22:31.750
Charles Barkley become the coolest guy of all

01:22:31.750 --> 01:22:34.170
time. So funny. That guy's sitting there like,

01:22:34.270 --> 01:22:35.850
I bothered him once at a bar and he threw me

01:22:35.850 --> 01:22:38.310
through a window. I hated him my whole life.

01:22:38.369 --> 01:22:39.909
And then you watch him on TV, you're like, fuck,

01:22:39.970 --> 01:22:42.010
he's the coolest guy. He's so cool. I know. He's

01:22:42.010 --> 01:22:44.329
literally the coolest guy. Yeah. I love when

01:22:44.329 --> 01:22:46.750
he was going to do the play -by -play or color,

01:22:46.850 --> 01:22:50.810
whatever, for... Easy. L -I -V for golf. Yeah.

01:22:51.130 --> 01:22:54.670
The colored comment for live golf. And they were

01:22:54.670 --> 01:22:56.090
like, well, that's evil. He goes, where did you

01:22:56.090 --> 01:22:57.670
get your money from? Don't you all do iPhone

01:22:57.670 --> 01:23:01.289
ads? That's easy on the judgment. That's an interesting

01:23:01.289 --> 01:23:04.890
Charles Barkley. That's an interesting. Hey,

01:23:04.890 --> 01:23:09.649
man, where did you get your money from? It wasn't

01:23:09.649 --> 01:23:12.840
the best impression. Kimmel is the best. This

01:23:12.840 --> 01:23:16.100
is a pretty crazy story. The guy says, you're

01:23:16.100 --> 01:23:17.560
not going to do shit. You're nothing but a big

01:23:17.560 --> 01:23:20.260
-ass pussy. The taunt set Barkley off. William

01:23:20.260 --> 01:23:23.119
reached for his radio to call for backup. Oh,

01:23:23.159 --> 01:23:24.699
the cop. That's the cop. According to the police

01:23:24.699 --> 01:23:27.600
report, as he released his grip, he felt Lugo

01:23:27.600 --> 01:23:30.000
escape, except the 20 -year -old hadn't gotten

01:23:30.000 --> 01:23:34.800
away. I felt the victim being pulled from my

01:23:34.800 --> 01:23:37.180
grasp, Williams wrote in the account of the incident.

01:23:37.359 --> 01:23:39.739
I looked up and I saw Barkley holding the victim

01:23:39.739 --> 01:23:43.579
up in the air by his... arms. Wow. Oh, God. What

01:23:43.579 --> 01:23:45.859
did he say to proceed that? Flung him like he

01:23:45.859 --> 01:23:47.239
was a toy. He says, do you know who the fuck

01:23:47.239 --> 01:23:50.159
I am? Do you know who the fuck I am? In a matter

01:23:50.159 --> 01:23:52.100
of seconds, Charles chucked Lugo through the

01:23:52.100 --> 01:23:55.439
plate glass window. Oh, my God. Even if he don't

01:23:55.439 --> 01:23:56.720
know who he is, he's six nine. Flung him like

01:23:56.720 --> 01:24:01.010
he was a toy. Flung him like he was a toy right

01:24:01.010 --> 01:24:02.770
before this too. He had the cops told him not

01:24:02.770 --> 01:24:04.310
to go up to music I'm just gonna talk to him.

01:24:04.369 --> 01:24:07.550
I don't want to I won't hurt him Charles assured

01:24:07.550 --> 01:24:10.090
the officer. I just want to talk to him. Oh my

01:24:10.090 --> 01:24:12.229
god I just want to say and the Charlie I was

01:24:12.229 --> 01:24:14.609
like, okay You can just talk to him with an arm's

01:24:14.609 --> 01:24:16.550
the guy says you're not gonna do shit. You're

01:24:16.550 --> 01:24:21.970
nothing but a big -ass pussy There's people like

01:24:21.970 --> 01:24:24.710
that out there in the world so funny you're like

01:24:24.710 --> 01:24:28.590
you're rich like I wasn't raised rich You guys

01:24:28.590 --> 01:24:30.210
have seen the video of Joe Schilling knocking

01:24:30.210 --> 01:24:32.609
that guy out in the bar. No. You never saw that?

01:24:32.869 --> 01:24:34.750
Oh, my God. I might have. So there's this asshole

01:24:34.750 --> 01:24:37.010
at a bar. He's being rude, and apparently he

01:24:37.010 --> 01:24:39.609
was being rude all night. And Joe Schilling,

01:24:39.689 --> 01:24:42.890
who's a multiple -time world champion kickboxer,

01:24:42.890 --> 01:24:46.329
walks by this guy. And the guy tries to make

01:24:46.329 --> 01:24:49.869
him flinch. And Joe just goes, da -da -da. Watch

01:24:49.869 --> 01:24:53.050
this. So there's this guy drinking, having a

01:24:53.050 --> 01:24:55.029
good time, being an asshole, talking about beating

01:24:55.029 --> 01:24:58.039
somebody in arm wrestling or whatever. Joe just

01:24:58.039 --> 01:24:59.819
is behind him. He just touches him. You know,

01:24:59.840 --> 01:25:02.279
nothing. Then he says something to him. He turns

01:25:02.279 --> 01:25:05.760
around. Oh, that was quick. Yeah. Well, he's

01:25:05.760 --> 01:25:07.859
a world champion kickboxer. You can't flinch

01:25:07.859 --> 01:25:10.180
on a guy. That guy's trained. He was walking.

01:25:10.460 --> 01:25:12.659
He delayed himself four seconds. I don't think

01:25:12.659 --> 01:25:14.779
it was four. I don't think it was four. I mean,

01:25:14.819 --> 01:25:17.739
he knew the guy was out. Like, look. Okay, here,

01:25:17.760 --> 01:25:20.899
one. He just passes by, and he calls him back.

01:25:22.319 --> 01:25:25.159
Oh, that step forward. The step forward with

01:25:25.159 --> 01:25:26.859
the chin up in the air. It's like, you can't

01:25:26.859 --> 01:25:28.899
do that to a guy like that. He comes at him with,

01:25:28.979 --> 01:25:32.000
like, you want them? Okay. Like, what? That's

01:25:32.000 --> 01:25:34.039
scary, because that could happen to anybody.

01:25:34.699 --> 01:25:39.060
So he had to go to court for that, and he won.

01:25:39.420 --> 01:25:41.659
Really? Because it's Florida. It's Florida. It's

01:25:41.659 --> 01:25:43.920
like, stand your ground. Florida does rule. They

01:25:43.920 --> 01:25:45.600
have some good rules. I love Florida. What was

01:25:45.600 --> 01:25:47.170
that? What's that medicine they give you during

01:25:47.170 --> 01:25:49.369
COVID? I forgot the name of it. Ivermectin. No,

01:25:49.390 --> 01:25:51.590
no, no, no, no. The treatment. Monoclonal antibodies?

01:25:51.930 --> 01:25:53.430
That. Yeah. That's what I was trying to remember.

01:25:53.710 --> 01:25:56.130
Yeah, they ban that in a lot of places. They

01:25:56.130 --> 01:25:57.590
stop people from getting that. I had a whole

01:25:57.590 --> 01:25:59.649
podcast about it. I got it. Yeah, you got it.

01:25:59.670 --> 01:26:01.149
I got it to a lot of people. When I was down

01:26:01.149 --> 01:26:02.229
there, you were like, oh, thank God you're in

01:26:02.229 --> 01:26:04.670
Florida. Okay, cool. Do this. There's places

01:26:04.670 --> 01:26:06.689
they wouldn't give it to you. They restricted

01:26:06.689 --> 01:26:09.109
it. Florida was pretty good during the pandemic.

01:26:09.250 --> 01:26:10.829
No, it was great. They were a good place to go.

01:26:11.050 --> 01:26:13.069
Did a lot of comedy there. That's where I caught

01:26:13.069 --> 01:26:15.470
COVID. That's where I got it, too. That's where

01:26:15.470 --> 01:26:20.010
I was. That's where I got AIDS. Thank God you

01:26:20.010 --> 01:26:22.689
got rid of that. Yeah. A lot of your people down

01:26:22.689 --> 01:26:25.270
there. Jews? Olds. Oh, yeah. They don't come

01:26:25.270 --> 01:26:28.810
to shows. They like to relax. Go to Miami and

01:26:28.810 --> 01:26:31.859
relax. That's true. A place built on cocaine.

01:26:32.220 --> 01:26:36.159
Imagine. Cocaine, Jews, trannies. And Hulk Hogan,

01:26:36.239 --> 01:26:39.699
Carole Baskin, Scientology. A lot of rented Lamborghinis.

01:26:39.779 --> 01:26:42.960
Yeah. Oh, yeah. A lot of rented Lamborghinis.

01:26:43.140 --> 01:26:44.840
Before we got to the store, somebody pulled up

01:26:44.840 --> 01:26:46.859
in a limousine. It was a door guy. And I was

01:26:46.859 --> 01:26:48.739
like, ooh, who's this? And the manager's already

01:26:48.739 --> 01:26:53.060
been jaded. He goes, somebody with $50. Already

01:26:53.060 --> 01:26:57.020
jaded. The jaded guy. When I got there, Harris

01:26:57.020 --> 01:26:59.039
Peet was the most jaded guy of all time. Maybe

01:26:59.039 --> 01:27:01.239
of all time. Of all time. He had been through

01:27:01.239 --> 01:27:03.500
all the eras, and he was like, you got to impress

01:27:03.500 --> 01:27:05.520
the shit out of Harris Peet. Made a deal with,

01:27:05.619 --> 01:27:07.920
the rumor was, Leno and Letterman said, hey,

01:27:08.020 --> 01:27:09.539
all three of us, whoever makes it, we'll take

01:27:09.539 --> 01:27:11.579
care of the other ones. Really? Does that sound

01:27:11.579 --> 01:27:14.079
like a deal you would make? Sounds like a deal

01:27:14.079 --> 01:27:16.279
you'd make one night while you're drinking. Not

01:27:16.279 --> 01:27:19.159
a real deal. We're all in this together. Yeah,

01:27:19.159 --> 01:27:21.960
exactly. The guy who kind of sucks? The guy who

01:27:21.960 --> 01:27:23.260
kind of sucks. Come on, one of us is going to

01:27:23.260 --> 01:27:28.380
make it. You bring us, will you? It's Shane Gillis,

01:27:28.399 --> 01:27:32.180
Dave Chappelle, all talking about it. We're all

01:27:32.180 --> 01:27:34.359
in this together, boys. We said we were in this

01:27:34.359 --> 01:27:36.720
together. Like, hey, hey, hey. You promised.

01:27:37.619 --> 01:27:41.300
I said get away. I said get me a beer. That sounded

01:27:41.300 --> 01:27:46.859
like a promise. Relax. We did the Boston Comedy

01:27:46.859 --> 01:27:49.000
Fest, and we were all in the finals, and we were

01:27:49.000 --> 01:27:51.159
like, all right, whoever wins, because the pot

01:27:51.159 --> 01:27:54.479
was 10 grand, which was enormous at that level.

01:27:54.840 --> 01:27:56.920
Yeah. And we were like, whoever wins, we'll split

01:27:56.920 --> 01:28:00.060
it up this way, that way. You do a saver. One

01:28:00.060 --> 01:28:02.979
guy was off in the shadows. We're like, he's

01:28:02.979 --> 01:28:04.600
not going to make it. This guy sucks. He's no

01:28:04.600 --> 01:28:06.140
good. That guy's definitely going to win. He

01:28:06.140 --> 01:28:08.779
won. Gave the whole thing to Boston Strong. We

01:28:08.779 --> 01:28:11.520
all hated him. What's Boston Strong? The marathon.

01:28:11.640 --> 01:28:15.979
It was that year. What an asshole. What a piece

01:28:15.979 --> 01:28:19.239
of shit. Did he ever make it as a comic? Yeah,

01:28:19.239 --> 01:28:21.180
he's hilarious. He's a really funny guy. But

01:28:21.180 --> 01:28:22.899
at the time, we're like, this guy's going nowhere.

01:28:23.159 --> 01:28:25.420
And then he won. Yeah, anytime I've done a comedy

01:28:25.420 --> 01:28:27.380
competition, the guy who's sitting by himself

01:28:27.380 --> 01:28:30.079
and quiet, you go, fuck. He's doing the math

01:28:30.079 --> 01:28:32.920
over here. He's not here having fun. Yeah, exactly.

01:28:33.020 --> 01:28:36.130
We're all hungover and drinking. This little

01:28:36.130 --> 01:28:38.029
Indian kid. They used to have this thing called

01:28:38.029 --> 01:28:40.069
the Boston Comedy Riot. It was like the biggest

01:28:40.069 --> 01:28:43.510
comedy competition. Yeah. The WBCN radio would

01:28:43.510 --> 01:28:45.729
host it. It was the Boston Comedy Riot. It was

01:28:45.729 --> 01:28:49.470
like in the 1980s. WBCN. The Boston and the Seattle

01:28:49.470 --> 01:28:51.449
competitions were the big ones. I never did either

01:28:51.449 --> 01:28:53.829
one of them, but it was like weeks long, so you

01:28:53.829 --> 01:28:56.050
had to either keep going up there or be there.

01:28:56.189 --> 01:28:58.729
Yeah, Seattle was like, that was hell. You're

01:28:58.729 --> 01:29:00.750
poor. So you have to be a guy with no life. Yes.

01:29:00.770 --> 01:29:03.069
Or a Seattle resident. Yeah, or a Seattle resident.

01:29:03.600 --> 01:29:05.939
Willing to hang in there for the long haul, for

01:29:05.939 --> 01:29:08.399
the golden prize of being the winner of the Seattle

01:29:08.399 --> 01:29:11.380
competition. I think I lost one to Sam. Yeah,

01:29:11.479 --> 01:29:14.720
I did a bunch at the beginning. Which Sam? Atlanta,

01:29:14.979 --> 01:29:17.479
Muriel. I think he ended up winning. I think

01:29:17.479 --> 01:29:19.779
we're both in the final. Oh, the Laughing Skull.

01:29:19.859 --> 01:29:21.979
Yeah. He did win that. Did they just kick them

01:29:21.979 --> 01:29:24.600
out? Huh? Did the Laughing Skull, did the Vortex

01:29:24.600 --> 01:29:26.590
just kick out the Laughing Skull? What happened?

01:29:26.750 --> 01:29:28.550
I don't know. I think the Vortex said, like,

01:29:28.609 --> 01:29:30.710
you guys got to go. The owner's got to go. Pull

01:29:30.710 --> 01:29:32.590
it up. What happened? I don't know. You got to

01:29:32.590 --> 01:29:34.470
pee? What is that about? Do you know why? That

01:29:34.470 --> 01:29:36.350
was a great little room. That was. It's just

01:29:36.350 --> 01:29:40.329
a headline. 85 seats. Great little room. Fun

01:29:40.329 --> 01:29:42.569
room. Someone's got to film the special. There's

01:29:42.569 --> 01:29:44.649
no space for cameras, but someone still had to.

01:29:44.649 --> 01:29:46.510
I think someone filmed something there. I think

01:29:46.510 --> 01:29:48.909
I've seen stuff from there. Yeah, Atlanta's a

01:29:48.909 --> 01:29:51.130
great comedy town. What happened? There was this

01:29:51.130 --> 01:29:54.010
headline I kind of passed by for a second. You

01:29:54.010 --> 01:29:55.550
ever do those and then go and you're like, I

01:29:55.550 --> 01:29:58.569
actually read that one. Yeah, the headlines.

01:29:58.890 --> 01:30:02.109
You're just getting overwhelmed by headlines.

01:30:02.250 --> 01:30:04.609
That's the problem. That's true. There's so much.

01:30:04.930 --> 01:30:06.729
That's important, but maybe not as important

01:30:06.729 --> 01:30:08.430
as the next one. I'm going to scroll down a little

01:30:08.430 --> 01:30:10.810
bit. But it all goes into your brain. And you

01:30:10.810 --> 01:30:12.510
know the headlines are all lies. They're all

01:30:12.510 --> 01:30:14.569
lies. Made by some other, not the writer. So

01:30:14.569 --> 01:30:16.729
you're like, oh, okay, I guess it's that. Isn't

01:30:16.729 --> 01:30:18.829
that weird? Yeah. If you write a really good

01:30:18.829 --> 01:30:20.829
article, someone could like fuck it up with like

01:30:20.829 --> 01:30:23.090
some misleading shit in the headline. Laughing

01:30:23.090 --> 01:30:25.350
Skull Lounge founder will leave the Vortex after

01:30:25.350 --> 01:30:29.210
16 years. Sad. Wow. That was a great room. After

01:30:29.210 --> 01:30:31.229
two decades, they're splitting up. What does

01:30:31.229 --> 01:30:33.630
that mean? There'll be no Laughing Skull or just

01:30:33.630 --> 01:30:36.649
the guys out? I think, I don't know. Laughing

01:30:36.649 --> 01:30:38.569
Skull Lounge will still be open in the Vortex,

01:30:38.630 --> 01:30:42.199
but. Not as we know it today. Uh -oh. The founder

01:30:42.199 --> 01:30:44.300
and team will be exploring other comedy avenues

01:30:44.300 --> 01:30:48.119
in the city. So they'll do another Laughing Skull

01:30:48.119 --> 01:30:50.960
somewhere else. No, no, no. Nobody cares about

01:30:50.960 --> 01:30:53.000
the name. Wow, that room. It's the venue. Well,

01:30:53.060 --> 01:30:55.239
they know how to do it, though. They'll probably

01:30:55.239 --> 01:30:57.800
find one that's like it. Nah, the rooms are important.

01:30:58.100 --> 01:31:00.460
I know. It's not a Chipotle. You can't just reproduce

01:31:00.460 --> 01:31:02.420
it somewhere. But you might be able to find a

01:31:02.420 --> 01:31:05.819
similar size room. I mean, yeah. I mean, Atlanta's

01:31:05.819 --> 01:31:08.649
got a lot of... But it's not starting a new room.

01:31:08.689 --> 01:31:10.289
They have a giant email list. Why are you so

01:31:10.289 --> 01:31:13.829
pessimistic? No, because the actual room, the

01:31:13.829 --> 01:31:15.489
old stand versus the new stand, they're different.

01:31:15.689 --> 01:31:17.609
The La Jolla Comedy Store versus the regular

01:31:17.609 --> 01:31:19.069
Comedy Store. The Comedy Store versus the main

01:31:19.069 --> 01:31:21.210
room. Those are different rooms. Elliot Page.

01:31:21.409 --> 01:31:24.470
Yeah, Elliot versus Elliot. So it's like you

01:31:24.470 --> 01:31:27.090
can't reproduce that. Right, but you can make.

01:31:27.520 --> 01:31:29.460
Look, look. Yeah, you ran it well. That part

01:31:29.460 --> 01:31:32.279
will be reproduced. The little boy in the mothership.

01:31:32.319 --> 01:31:34.340
Those are different. Yeah, but we made that.

01:31:34.359 --> 01:31:36.399
That's a new room, and it's a tiny little room

01:31:36.399 --> 01:31:38.399
just like that. It's the same kind of thing.

01:31:38.560 --> 01:31:41.880
It's like you just know how to do it right. It

01:31:41.880 --> 01:31:44.840
can be recreated. And the location is big. Like

01:31:44.840 --> 01:31:46.800
what kind of people are in that area already

01:31:46.800 --> 01:31:49.659
versus like. Sure, sure. Yep, yep. It's funny

01:31:49.659 --> 01:31:52.840
how a room has a feel, like the OR. in the store

01:31:52.840 --> 01:31:56.140
has such a weird feel. Yeah. It's a specific.

01:31:56.439 --> 01:31:58.420
Smoke is built into the walls. Evil is built

01:31:58.420 --> 01:32:00.479
into the walls. It's also like there's something

01:32:00.479 --> 01:32:02.880
good about the, I used to think it was bad, but

01:32:02.880 --> 01:32:04.500
there's something good about the commotion in

01:32:04.500 --> 01:32:06.779
the hallway in the back. The good about it is

01:32:06.779 --> 01:32:08.619
it's chaos. Chaos. The show's chaos. You can

01:32:08.619 --> 01:32:11.380
hear chaos. That room is a chaos room. Diaz used

01:32:11.380 --> 01:32:14.239
to have the most chaos in that room. Like Diaz

01:32:14.239 --> 01:32:16.279
would crush in the main room, but there's something

01:32:16.279 --> 01:32:18.779
about Diaz when he would go on stage in the fucking

01:32:18.779 --> 01:32:22.100
OR like late at night when no one cared. Doesn't

01:32:22.100 --> 01:32:24.279
matter it just doesn't matter and then he would

01:32:24.279 --> 01:32:27.380
go and crush it. Yeah, he would go crush it.

01:32:27.399 --> 01:32:31.859
He would go crush it really People know what

01:32:31.859 --> 01:32:37.920
that means When I did it you sick fuck oh he

01:32:37.920 --> 01:32:41.399
came back with the bong Just plastic just plastic

01:32:41.399 --> 01:32:46.800
made in America Thank God you're leaving the

01:32:46.800 --> 01:32:49.810
piss There's no more bottles over here. Yeah,

01:32:49.909 --> 01:32:52.409
we're trying to keep them from you. We got buffalo.

01:32:53.750 --> 01:32:56.550
We had to triple wash this fucking pitcher because

01:32:56.550 --> 01:32:58.550
Norman pissed in it once. Oh, fuck, I forgot

01:32:58.550 --> 01:33:03.229
about that. Oh, wow. We've had some really rough

01:33:03.229 --> 01:33:05.029
ones. We've had some rippers. To the point where

01:33:05.029 --> 01:33:07.270
when it's like Protect Our Parks Day, I'm like...

01:33:07.270 --> 01:33:10.869
Oh, yeah. It's like a marathon. But America needs

01:33:10.869 --> 01:33:14.000
it. Yeah! The boys need it. They do. They tell

01:33:14.000 --> 01:33:15.600
me all the time. I see them out in the streets.

01:33:15.720 --> 01:33:18.119
I say, when? When? When's Protect Our Parks coming

01:33:18.119 --> 01:33:19.680
back? They say it all the time. All the time.

01:33:19.739 --> 01:33:22.079
When I do those Q &As after shows sometimes,

01:33:22.220 --> 01:33:24.460
it's the number one question. When's the next

01:33:24.460 --> 01:33:25.899
one? When's the next Protect Our Parks? But they

01:33:25.899 --> 01:33:27.699
take a year off your life, so you've got to spread

01:33:27.699 --> 01:33:31.739
them out a little bit. What's that? The Tough

01:33:31.739 --> 01:33:33.840
Mudder. Right. You can't do them every weekend.

01:33:33.899 --> 01:33:36.159
That one photo from the one where I had like

01:33:36.159 --> 01:33:39.619
25 or 26 beers. Every once in a while I see the

01:33:39.619 --> 01:33:42.840
photo and I'm like, oh my God. What a nightmare

01:33:42.840 --> 01:33:45.520
that was. But that is what people genuinely need.

01:33:45.600 --> 01:33:50.060
They need bros. Yes. Having a good time as bros.

01:33:50.079 --> 01:33:52.779
Yes. With no restrictions. Because they're doing

01:33:52.779 --> 01:33:55.520
it. They want to. If they can't, they wish they

01:33:55.520 --> 01:33:58.229
could. Yeah. They want to. Everybody wants to.

01:33:58.369 --> 01:34:00.710
I grew up doing this shit. Every man wants to

01:34:00.710 --> 01:34:03.170
have fun. I was really hoping I would stop doing

01:34:03.170 --> 01:34:06.789
this at some point. No, never. This was my first

01:34:06.789 --> 01:34:09.449
party in the woods in high school. I was just

01:34:09.449 --> 01:34:11.170
like, well, I'm going to do this for the rest

01:34:11.170 --> 01:34:12.890
of my life. At least now you're monetizing it,

01:34:12.930 --> 01:34:16.189
kind of. You made it a living. Yeah. Listen,

01:34:16.409 --> 01:34:18.479
this is the best life. This is the best life

01:34:18.479 --> 01:34:20.859
for guys. Oh, 100%. We're the luckiest fucking

01:34:20.859 --> 01:34:22.739
people that have ever lived. Like, you had Jimmy

01:34:22.739 --> 01:34:24.500
Carr on, and he was talking like, he's like,

01:34:24.600 --> 01:34:26.619
I'm doing this today, then I'm going to Chappelle's

01:34:26.619 --> 01:34:29.029
thing. Then I'm doing Kill Tony. Then I'm doing

01:34:29.029 --> 01:34:31.369
The Mothership. Then I'm doing an arena in fucking

01:34:31.369 --> 01:34:34.590
Scandinavia. Best life. What a life. The best

01:34:34.590 --> 01:34:38.109
life. Jimmy Carr was fucking hilarious. He came

01:34:38.109 --> 01:34:40.210
out of the club with this new shit he's working

01:34:40.210 --> 01:34:43.149
on. He just had a bunch of notes. Oh, my God.

01:34:43.170 --> 01:34:45.689
He was so good. He's a beast. It was so fun to

01:34:45.689 --> 01:34:49.449
watch. When you watch a guy who's just fucking

01:34:49.449 --> 01:34:52.970
dialed in. Just dialed. I saw him tell a story

01:34:52.970 --> 01:34:54.229
about what's his name fucking with him, too.

01:34:54.289 --> 01:34:57.020
About me. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so funny

01:34:57.020 --> 01:34:58.979
because I remember it. Greg Giraldo. It's so

01:34:58.979 --> 01:35:01.899
funny. Yeah, Greg Giraldo told him that Ari had

01:35:01.899 --> 01:35:05.619
cancer. And then Greg Giraldo goes and dies,

01:35:05.760 --> 01:35:08.260
and Jimmy Carr's living with this, and then he

01:35:08.260 --> 01:35:10.220
sees Ari. He's like, you look good. You look

01:35:10.220 --> 01:35:12.100
good. He's like, what the fuck is going on? With

01:35:12.100 --> 01:35:14.359
half your face shaved? No, no, this was like

01:35:14.359 --> 01:35:18.060
10 years ago. He was only on one side. Fucking

01:35:18.060 --> 01:35:20.619
crazy type of cancer. I was like, thanks, man.

01:35:20.720 --> 01:35:22.500
Appreciate it. And then a year later, I'd be

01:35:22.500 --> 01:35:25.500
like, so you all right? I'm like. What the fuck

01:35:25.500 --> 01:35:28.460
is going on? But you're just weird looking enough

01:35:28.460 --> 01:35:29.920
where you're like, yeah, he does look good. He

01:35:29.920 --> 01:35:32.199
also said, like, when he told me that they said

01:35:32.199 --> 01:35:33.699
you had cancer, I'm like, what? He goes, yeah,

01:35:33.739 --> 01:35:34.739
they said you had cancer, and that's why you're

01:35:34.739 --> 01:35:37.560
like that, because you don't care anymore. What?

01:35:38.420 --> 01:35:41.439
Yes, Kobe. He had cancer. The guy's dying. This

01:35:41.439 --> 01:35:44.039
was 15 years ago. It was so crazy. Let him spike

01:35:44.039 --> 01:35:47.869
your drink. He's dying. That's so funny. That's

01:35:47.869 --> 01:35:49.850
so funny. That's a nice fucking backup to have.

01:35:49.930 --> 01:35:51.750
I wish people thought that. Yeah. Be like, yeah,

01:35:51.750 --> 01:35:53.630
he took a shit on stage. You go, oh, he's got

01:35:53.630 --> 01:35:55.869
cancer. It's funny that - That's why he's bloody,

01:35:56.090 --> 01:35:58.250
right? It's bloody shit. Geraldo said that to

01:35:58.250 --> 01:36:00.989
him and never told him any different. He must

01:36:00.989 --> 01:36:02.810
have just been passing through the room, saw

01:36:02.810 --> 01:36:04.989
him watching any standup, and goes, oh, that

01:36:04.989 --> 01:36:07.350
guy's got cancer, and then got in a beer. That's

01:36:07.350 --> 01:36:09.310
amazing. Yeah, I just fucked his head. Love a

01:36:09.310 --> 01:36:11.090
comic. Like I went to Harvard Law, too. Love

01:36:11.090 --> 01:36:14.850
a comic. Like a long burn of a joke, just waiting

01:36:14.850 --> 01:36:16.979
one day, years later, this joke. The joke will

01:36:16.979 --> 01:36:19.479
pay off. That's amazing. And I won't even be

01:36:19.479 --> 01:36:25.619
there. I won't even be there. Genius. Gerald

01:36:25.619 --> 01:36:29.300
and I, we shared a parking lot when we were both

01:36:29.300 --> 01:36:31.640
on TV together. The very first times we were

01:36:31.640 --> 01:36:33.779
both on TV. When I was on news radio and he was

01:36:33.779 --> 01:36:35.359
on his own show. He had his own show that was

01:36:35.359 --> 01:36:37.520
on the same lot. I'd hang out with him at the

01:36:37.520 --> 01:36:39.859
lot all day. He had a show about him being a

01:36:39.859 --> 01:36:41.979
lawyer. Yes. Like a sitcom. Because he was a

01:36:41.979 --> 01:36:43.680
lawyer, so he could build this off your life.

01:36:43.819 --> 01:36:45.220
That's what they always did. It was your job

01:36:45.220 --> 01:36:47.939
right before this. Let's make a show. Yeah, we're

01:36:47.939 --> 01:36:50.060
doing Garage. Knew him from New York, so we'd

01:36:50.060 --> 01:36:53.939
hang out. That's why he got tires. That's why

01:36:53.939 --> 01:36:56.279
it works, though, right? That's why it's so funny.

01:36:56.479 --> 01:36:59.260
Oh, by the way, when's the new season? June 5th.

01:36:59.260 --> 01:37:01.619
Right now. Today. Go check it out on Netflix.

01:37:01.640 --> 01:37:03.319
If you're listening to this, it's available right

01:37:03.319 --> 01:37:05.680
now. Check it out. On Netflix .com. It'll drop

01:37:05.680 --> 01:37:08.600
ship you a fucking CD. You'll watch it. You'll

01:37:08.600 --> 01:37:10.159
mail it. Check your mailbox. Check your mailbox

01:37:10.159 --> 01:37:11.579
right now. It's going to be a DVD with tires.

01:37:11.899 --> 01:37:13.699
Hopefully it didn't send you first season. It's

01:37:13.699 --> 01:37:16.140
going to skip a little. And while you're there,

01:37:16.239 --> 01:37:18.600
you can watch R .A. Shafir's special. We all

01:37:18.600 --> 01:37:22.060
got shit on there. That's right. But yeah, tires.

01:37:22.460 --> 01:37:26.739
Yeah. You've managed to rain in trash Kyla in

01:37:26.739 --> 01:37:30.239
a way. It's unrainable. Well, everybody in the

01:37:30.239 --> 01:37:33.300
show plays literally themselves. So Kyla was

01:37:33.300 --> 01:37:37.819
pretty easy. What was the line? Hold on. I mean,

01:37:37.840 --> 01:37:40.039
she was my employee for a long time. Ron White's

01:37:40.039 --> 01:37:42.699
in this season, right? Ron White is, yeah. Oh,

01:37:42.699 --> 01:37:44.420
fun. What was the line you had before? It was

01:37:44.420 --> 01:37:47.079
how to talk trash. It was like, I spilled a coffee

01:37:47.079 --> 01:37:49.300
colada on my scratcher. I was like, what? Yeah,

01:37:49.460 --> 01:37:53.640
yeah, yeah. Jeez. Yeah, Ron fucking kills it.

01:37:53.640 --> 01:37:57.180
Oh, he brought his own outfit in? You're not

01:37:57.180 --> 01:38:00.279
going to believe it. Ron plays himself. Paul

01:38:00.279 --> 01:38:02.020
Lebowski there. That's all you'd want him to

01:38:02.020 --> 01:38:05.000
play. Yeah, why fuck around? He plays a washed

01:38:05.000 --> 01:38:09.090
up NASCAR driver. He's there for like a sign,

01:38:09.270 --> 01:38:11.550
like a meet and greet that no one shows up to.

01:38:12.010 --> 01:38:16.449
That's great. That's pretty great. Yeah, we had

01:38:16.449 --> 01:38:18.909
Woody Harrelson at the club last night. Oh, was

01:38:18.909 --> 01:38:20.609
he there last night? He's there a lot, man. He's

01:38:20.609 --> 01:38:22.289
been there a lot. I've missed him every fucking

01:38:22.289 --> 01:38:24.189
night. He was a sweet man. He's just a cool dude

01:38:24.189 --> 01:38:25.609
to hang out with. Yeah, I heard he's the fucking

01:38:25.609 --> 01:38:28.109
man. Doesn't have a phone, though. Doesn't do

01:38:28.109 --> 01:38:30.689
email. So if you want to get a hold of him, you've

01:38:30.689 --> 01:38:31.850
got to go through his wife. You've got to run

01:38:31.850 --> 01:38:34.369
into him. Like, he's smart. He's protecting himself

01:38:34.369 --> 01:38:36.770
from bullshit. The bullshit in the world. He's

01:38:36.770 --> 01:38:38.369
like, I don't want to be a part of this. Yeah.

01:38:38.409 --> 01:38:40.310
I don't want to have a phone. I got no social

01:38:40.310 --> 01:38:43.090
media. I got no nothing. I'm just a human like

01:38:43.090 --> 01:38:45.710
I always was. I was a human before this. I'm

01:38:45.710 --> 01:38:47.550
staying a human. It's really nice when you don't

01:38:47.550 --> 01:38:49.550
have a phone. He's ear to ear. He's the best.

01:38:49.729 --> 01:38:53.500
He's walking on. Thin air. Is that it? You don't

01:38:53.500 --> 01:38:56.680
want all that fucking input, man. It's not good

01:38:56.680 --> 01:39:00.279
for you. Also, nothing ever happens. It's every

01:39:00.279 --> 01:39:02.600
day. It's like a fucking India, Pakistan, Russia.

01:39:03.159 --> 01:39:09.500
For us. You're not changing. Why am I going to

01:39:09.500 --> 01:39:13.380
be aware of this? I guess all of us remember

01:39:13.380 --> 01:39:16.520
before it, right? You're the youngest. But still,

01:39:16.600 --> 01:39:18.880
it's like, those were good times. Great times.

01:39:18.880 --> 01:39:20.619
And so it's like, I get we have better stuff

01:39:20.619 --> 01:39:23.699
now, but like... Parts of before were okay. And

01:39:23.699 --> 01:39:24.560
not only were they great times. How do you pull

01:39:24.560 --> 01:39:27.439
those in? I'm so glad they weren't filmed. Can

01:39:27.439 --> 01:39:29.460
you imagine if he had all that shit on film from

01:39:29.460 --> 01:39:31.520
taking a dump in your mouth? Yeah, throwing up

01:39:31.520 --> 01:39:33.279
in the street and you got to worry about somebody's

01:39:33.279 --> 01:39:37.260
filming you. Yes. Just the pure anxiety that

01:39:37.260 --> 01:39:39.779
people are living with today. But yeah. People

01:39:39.779 --> 01:39:42.300
are living with like pure anxiety. Like on a

01:39:42.300 --> 01:39:44.899
level of just anxiety on your phone all day long.

01:39:44.979 --> 01:39:46.760
Yeah. Just giving you anxiety and you can't live

01:39:46.760 --> 01:39:48.060
with it. Stuff's terrible. Stuff's terrible.

01:39:48.199 --> 01:39:50.600
Stuff's terrible. And then you wake up to fucking.

01:39:51.430 --> 01:39:53.970
20 texts. Yes. They're like, what's up? From

01:39:53.970 --> 01:39:55.489
all these different people, you got to fucking.

01:39:55.829 --> 01:39:57.170
You got to micromanage. Oh, yeah. Right. Even

01:39:57.170 --> 01:39:59.630
that part. That's stressful. But it's like. And

01:39:59.630 --> 01:40:01.569
it's like, I just woke up, so I look at my phone

01:40:01.569 --> 01:40:03.789
right away. Yeah. I'm sending the dumbest replies.

01:40:04.569 --> 01:40:06.350
Yeah. I don't know. You know how like when you

01:40:06.350 --> 01:40:09.029
wake up and you. Yeah. I don't know. I don't

01:40:09.029 --> 01:40:10.470
know how to explain what I'm trying to say. No,

01:40:10.470 --> 01:40:12.449
I get it. I get it. Yeah. It's 80 people coming

01:40:12.449 --> 01:40:14.789
at you to do. It's a fun thing. A show or something

01:40:14.789 --> 01:40:16.529
like that. It's all nice. And it's like, it's

01:40:16.529 --> 01:40:18.810
too much now. I'm supposed to run into you and

01:40:18.810 --> 01:40:22.739
say, yes, I can do that. Yeah. Yeah. I need an

01:40:22.739 --> 01:40:25.279
answer now. It's just constant. I got all my

01:40:25.279 --> 01:40:29.239
buddies are in town. All the Philly trash is

01:40:29.239 --> 01:40:32.640
here. Oh, jeez. Tonight's going to get nuts.

01:40:33.000 --> 01:40:34.579
Tonight is going to get nuts, and I was really

01:40:34.579 --> 01:40:37.720
hoping to avoid that. Yeah. What is the plan

01:40:37.720 --> 01:40:41.180
of the official tonight? We'll do the show. Oh,

01:40:41.340 --> 01:40:44.579
I guess we won't tell. No, I mean this tonight.

01:40:45.420 --> 01:40:47.359
When this airs tonight, but we'll tell. Well,

01:40:47.399 --> 01:40:49.420
at least we'll be safe in that green room. You

01:40:49.420 --> 01:40:51.500
know, we'll be safe. We're not going to be safe.

01:40:51.520 --> 01:40:53.279
We're going to be at the fucking bar. It's going

01:40:53.279 --> 01:40:54.680
to be a nightmare. It's going to be a nightmare.

01:40:54.739 --> 01:40:56.119
It's going to be a disaster. We were talking

01:40:56.119 --> 01:40:57.380
about it yesterday where it's like, what's the

01:40:57.380 --> 01:41:00.340
plan usually? I'm like, okay, so we get way too

01:41:00.340 --> 01:41:04.260
fucked up. Then we go shove meat in our mouth.

01:41:04.500 --> 01:41:06.180
And then immediately we're like, you're on in

01:41:06.180 --> 01:41:09.859
five. I'm like, okay. Run to the store, get up.

01:41:10.500 --> 01:41:12.579
Or the mothership. And then get up and be like.

01:41:13.579 --> 01:41:16.420
All you got to do is puke in the hallway. It'll

01:41:16.420 --> 01:41:19.100
get it all out. You'll be good to go. It's funny

01:41:19.100 --> 01:41:20.760
because I call it the store all the time. Oh,

01:41:20.779 --> 01:41:22.699
right? I even call it the main room. That means

01:41:22.699 --> 01:41:24.600
you did it right. Yeah. I don't even. The main

01:41:24.600 --> 01:41:27.659
room and the, yeah. And the OR. Yeah. It's kind

01:41:27.659 --> 01:41:29.420
of like. It's either OR or belly. It's kind of

01:41:29.420 --> 01:41:31.239
a hybrid between the OR and the belly. Because

01:41:31.239 --> 01:41:33.260
the main room is also the, the OR is the main

01:41:33.260 --> 01:41:36.119
room. But the OR. In LA. The main room at the

01:41:36.119 --> 01:41:38.619
club, at the mothership is like. If the main

01:41:38.619 --> 01:41:41.579
room and the OR had a baby. Yeah. And then the

01:41:41.579 --> 01:41:43.960
other one is like if the OR in the belly room

01:41:43.960 --> 01:41:46.939
had a baby. Yeah, I'm always like, you're going

01:41:46.939 --> 01:41:49.000
to the store tonight. Yeah. I mean, you built

01:41:49.000 --> 01:41:50.720
it with that in mind. And Adam, he gets there.

01:41:50.939 --> 01:41:53.500
I mean, literally named the bar after Mitzi Shore.

01:41:53.640 --> 01:41:56.649
Fucking. Gays. He's the best. He's the best.

01:41:56.649 --> 01:41:58.810
I love him so much. He might be my favorite homosexual

01:41:58.810 --> 01:42:00.869
of all time. He's not gay anymore. Holocaust

01:42:00.869 --> 01:42:03.590
denier. He's not gay no more. He cured it. He's

01:42:03.590 --> 01:42:06.590
delivered. I like women. I like women and women.

01:42:07.970 --> 01:42:10.970
How long after that video did that guy suck a

01:42:10.970 --> 01:42:13.449
dick? Did he wait a week? That night. Ten minutes.

01:42:14.250 --> 01:42:17.350
That fucking day. Why are you gay? First dick

01:42:17.350 --> 01:42:19.430
he saw. He's like, I'm not gay no more. Good.

01:42:19.649 --> 01:42:23.350
This ain't even a dick. Oh, it's not? No, no,

01:42:23.350 --> 01:42:26.109
no. I love you say so. The devil's tricking you

01:42:26.109 --> 01:42:28.029
into believing my delicious penis is a dick.

01:42:28.029 --> 01:42:30.750
But for a moment, he believed it. The way we're

01:42:30.750 --> 01:42:32.529
all like, I'm not going to do this one evil thing

01:42:32.529 --> 01:42:34.130
anymore. I'm not. Imagine if the whole world

01:42:34.130 --> 01:42:36.470
didn't want you. That's the most brutal thing

01:42:36.470 --> 01:42:39.149
about homophobia. You want some of those? Fuck.

01:42:39.310 --> 01:42:41.569
Fine, I'll do a little. That's the most brutal

01:42:41.569 --> 01:42:42.550
thing. How many times have you quit drinking

01:42:42.550 --> 01:42:44.710
for a week or quit weed for a week and then not

01:42:44.710 --> 01:42:46.510
made it that night? All right, so last week.

01:42:46.850 --> 01:42:49.569
Last week. Last week, I was like, all right,

01:42:49.609 --> 01:42:52.460
I got to take a week off. Fucking giant storm

01:42:52.460 --> 01:42:55.319
comes through Texas. My power is out for three

01:42:55.319 --> 01:42:58.279
days. Wow. Day three, I'm sitting in a hot house

01:42:58.279 --> 01:43:01.109
going. The only place I can go right now is a

01:43:01.109 --> 01:43:04.029
bar. Actually, I went right. Yeah, they gave

01:43:04.029 --> 01:43:05.829
me this shirt. They gave me this on Thursday.

01:43:06.229 --> 01:43:12.010
There you go. I got hammered. Where's Kelly's?

01:43:12.010 --> 01:43:14.390
Where is that? I have no idea. Kelly's Irish

01:43:14.390 --> 01:43:17.390
Pub. Is that here? It's in Austin? Yeah, shit

01:43:17.390 --> 01:43:19.550
rules. Oh, no shit. I've heard of that place.

01:43:19.630 --> 01:43:21.109
The place was actually really great. That's nice.

01:43:21.329 --> 01:43:24.029
The owners, they're all Irish. Irish people have

01:43:24.029 --> 01:43:27.069
exported the bar, the proper bar, the best way.

01:43:27.600 --> 01:43:30.199
The Irish bar is the same in every country in

01:43:30.199 --> 01:43:31.699
the world. Yeah, and it's the best. They figured

01:43:31.699 --> 01:43:33.960
out the best place. Yeah, is there an Irish pub

01:43:33.960 --> 01:43:36.359
in town? People always ask that. And it is the

01:43:36.359 --> 01:43:38.600
same. Well, they're not blaring techno and all

01:43:38.600 --> 01:43:40.760
this shit. Yeah, it's dark and you drink. Yes,

01:43:40.920 --> 01:43:42.539
like you should. A couple old Guinness signs.

01:43:42.720 --> 01:43:44.779
It's like Ireland. Do they play music at the

01:43:44.779 --> 01:43:48.520
Irish pub? I think they actually have Irish music,

01:43:48.619 --> 01:43:52.300
like a live band. Oh. I think it's actually pretty

01:43:52.300 --> 01:43:56.060
sick. The owner was the fucking man. He gave

01:43:56.060 --> 01:43:58.590
me a bunch of... Yeah, whatever. That's one of

01:43:58.590 --> 01:44:00.529
the good things about - No, not drugs, not drugs.

01:44:00.609 --> 01:44:04.409
He gave me some fucking IRA stuff. I don't know

01:44:04.409 --> 01:44:06.069
if he gets in trouble for that. Somebody gave

01:44:06.069 --> 01:44:07.989
me some Nazi money. I have a wall for my You

01:44:07.989 --> 01:44:10.609
Be Trippin' podcast. I put money up there from

01:44:10.609 --> 01:44:11.670
different countries. Somebody's like, you want

01:44:11.670 --> 01:44:14.289
some Nazi money? I'm like, yeah, why? For sure.

01:44:14.489 --> 01:44:16.369
I was thinking about buying a fucking Adolf Hitler

01:44:16.369 --> 01:44:19.789
autograph. You might as well. And I don't know

01:44:19.789 --> 01:44:21.470
what's - Get it from Kanye. He'll sell you one.

01:44:22.050 --> 01:44:24.069
Yeah, but you can buy. You can buy them. They're

01:44:24.069 --> 01:44:27.539
really expensive, but you can buy an - an Adolf

01:44:27.539 --> 01:44:29.979
Hitler autograph. Yeah. I mean, it's got to be

01:44:29.979 --> 01:44:31.880
worth a ton of money. Yeah, I know. And then

01:44:31.880 --> 01:44:35.319
I figured maybe when I'm, if I have grandkids

01:44:35.319 --> 01:44:37.420
or something, I go, this is going to be worth

01:44:37.420 --> 01:44:39.520
a billion dollars. The most evil man. Maybe someday

01:44:39.520 --> 01:44:41.939
it'll be like Genghis Khan's autograph. Exactly.

01:44:42.000 --> 01:44:44.560
Of course. It won't be forbidden anymore. Of

01:44:44.560 --> 01:44:46.300
course. After like a thousand years. You're not

01:44:46.300 --> 01:44:48.020
revering him. You're just like, he was notable.

01:44:48.239 --> 01:44:50.659
He's the most famous guy ever. There's somebody

01:44:50.659 --> 01:44:52.220
who's like, I was reading Mein Kampf just to

01:44:52.220 --> 01:44:53.779
read it, but she was reading it on the bus, so

01:44:53.779 --> 01:44:56.479
she had to go. So people didn't think she was

01:44:56.479 --> 01:45:00.079
a great boss. Yeah, but you can get in trouble

01:45:00.079 --> 01:45:01.739
just having that. You got to get a book cover

01:45:01.739 --> 01:45:04.159
on that thing. Few outstanding, very original

01:45:04.159 --> 01:45:07.239
document letters signed, autographed by Adolf

01:45:07.239 --> 01:45:12.439
Eichmann. $7 ,800. $7 ,700. That's not bad for

01:45:12.439 --> 01:45:14.840
a fuck. Adolf Eichmann. Not just on a piece of

01:45:14.840 --> 01:45:17.859
paper. This is like. It's a Nazi military officer

01:45:17.859 --> 01:45:20.560
charged by Hitler. It's not Adolf Hitler. No,

01:45:20.640 --> 01:45:23.360
Eichmann was. That's right. It's not Adolf. Oh,

01:45:23.360 --> 01:45:25.899
here we are. Here we are. This is where this

01:45:25.899 --> 01:45:27.720
show goes. It always goes here. How much is that

01:45:27.720 --> 01:45:29.739
Holocaust? I can't believe you can just buy Nazi

01:45:29.739 --> 01:45:31.739
stuff. You can. Oh, yeah. It's in thrift stores,

01:45:31.840 --> 01:45:33.800
too. It's not. I've seen them. Oh, look at that.

01:45:33.920 --> 01:45:38.939
Look at that arm sleeve. Officer's sleeve eagle.

01:45:39.140 --> 01:45:42.760
Hell, yeah. From a guy's fucking uniform. Damn.

01:45:42.760 --> 01:45:44.600
See what I mean? That guy killed your grandpa.

01:45:44.800 --> 01:45:47.159
180 bucks. You see how he's done going? Oh, no.

01:45:47.159 --> 01:45:49.399
I could spend fucking 500 bucks. It's history.

01:45:49.399 --> 01:45:52.100
That's only 480 bucks? That's crazy. I have a

01:45:52.100 --> 01:45:56.829
new. version of that. The Chinese made new money

01:45:56.829 --> 01:46:00.329
to give it up for the workers during COVID. And

01:46:00.329 --> 01:46:02.510
it's all these scientists on their bills. They

01:46:02.510 --> 01:46:06.409
made a whole new bill. Interesting. These are

01:46:06.409 --> 01:46:09.569
the people that caused the pandemic. Every time

01:46:09.569 --> 01:46:13.170
I've brought this up, people get upset. He's

01:46:13.170 --> 01:46:16.029
a polarizing figure. Of course he's polarizing.

01:46:16.289 --> 01:46:21.199
I know, but I'm not like Hitler's the man. Yeah,

01:46:21.220 --> 01:46:22.500
you're really gassing him. Because someone just

01:46:22.500 --> 01:46:26.539
edited that part. Hitler's the man. No, but it's

01:46:26.539 --> 01:46:30.079
like, he's the worst. Of course. Edit this part.

01:46:30.180 --> 01:46:31.960
He's the biggest faggot that's ever lived. Sure.

01:46:32.319 --> 01:46:34.640
Actually, Mao is worse. Wait, wait, that's so

01:46:34.640 --> 01:46:36.699
funny. I mean, it's a whatever bit, but like

01:46:36.699 --> 01:46:38.960
calling Hitler a faggot will get you in trouble

01:46:38.960 --> 01:46:42.220
for the wrong reason. That's true. But he's like

01:46:42.220 --> 01:46:45.760
top five all the time. Top five. Yeah. biggest

01:46:45.760 --> 01:46:48.039
fucking turds on earth. He's the Michael Jordan

01:46:48.039 --> 01:46:49.899
of faggots. Cranked out of his mind the entire

01:46:49.899 --> 01:46:53.880
time. Yeah. Like a poster boy for don't do drugs.

01:46:54.100 --> 01:46:56.699
It was actually Eichmann was drove it more because

01:46:56.699 --> 01:46:58.819
Hitler was like whatever you need to go Eichmann

01:46:58.819 --> 01:47:00.680
was the one that's where I think I remember is

01:47:00.680 --> 01:47:02.680
him going let's find we need an other he was

01:47:02.680 --> 01:47:04.439
a smarter one about it because we need some other

01:47:04.439 --> 01:47:07.220
and he goes let's do the Jews they stay to themselves

01:47:07.220 --> 01:47:09.920
but he was like well anyone will do. Really?

01:47:09.939 --> 01:47:12.979
He was the he was the like the writer of all

01:47:12.979 --> 01:47:15.460
of it and Adolph was like, that'll help us get

01:47:15.460 --> 01:47:16.819
nationalism going. He was like the Dick Cheney

01:47:16.819 --> 01:47:19.600
to George W. Yeah. The guy behind the scenes.

01:47:19.600 --> 01:47:23.640
Just let me speak. Tell me who. We found out

01:47:23.640 --> 01:47:25.539
Dick Cheney's still alive the other day. Yeah.

01:47:25.840 --> 01:47:27.659
Isn't that interesting? I thought he was, it's

01:47:27.659 --> 01:47:29.859
like a Berenstain Bears, Mandela effect thing.

01:47:29.920 --> 01:47:31.979
I thought he was dead. No, he endorsed Kamala

01:47:31.979 --> 01:47:33.930
Harris and they bragged about it. Oh, that's

01:47:33.930 --> 01:47:35.770
right. Oh, that's right. Dave Smith pointed it

01:47:35.770 --> 01:47:38.010
out. Yeah, yeah. Somewhere with visual war crimes.

01:47:38.170 --> 01:47:40.430
George Washington. It might be real, it says.

01:47:40.630 --> 01:47:43.229
Bro, 240 grand. You got this, Shane. What is

01:47:43.229 --> 01:47:45.670
that? His flask? George Washington's powder flask.

01:47:46.090 --> 01:47:50.740
Powder. Yeah. Call it Pawn Stars. Jen. Washington.

01:47:50.740 --> 01:47:52.920
That might be real. See what I mean? You could

01:47:52.920 --> 01:47:54.420
have that at your house. That's pretty dope.

01:47:54.600 --> 01:47:56.899
But that's the founding father. Same, same, but

01:47:56.899 --> 01:47:58.920
different. We should be drinking beers out of

01:47:58.920 --> 01:48:00.760
this. Don't tell anybody. Don't tell anybody

01:48:00.760 --> 01:48:03.380
and they won't Google it. He had fucking slaves.

01:48:03.380 --> 01:48:07.399
He did. The Napoleon hat. Was that you who sent

01:48:07.399 --> 01:48:10.359
me that, Jamie? I don't think so, no. Napoleon's

01:48:10.359 --> 01:48:13.539
hat is up for auction. Yo. Hell yeah. How do

01:48:13.539 --> 01:48:14.920
you know if it's really his hat, though? Do you

01:48:14.920 --> 01:48:18.279
know how many hats I have? I have a thousand

01:48:18.279 --> 01:48:20.920
baseball hats. I literally have a thousand baseball

01:48:20.920 --> 01:48:23.000
hats. If somebody sold my hats, you could sell

01:48:23.000 --> 01:48:23.880
my hats forever. Yeah, but you wouldn't know.

01:48:24.319 --> 01:48:25.699
You wouldn't know if his hands were just created

01:48:25.699 --> 01:48:27.899
like that. I wouldn't even know if you sold one

01:48:27.899 --> 01:48:30.159
of my hats. I remember an old, old pod we were

01:48:30.159 --> 01:48:33.380
doing at your place, at your house. That's how

01:48:33.380 --> 01:48:35.100
old it was. And it was like, we're talking about

01:48:35.100 --> 01:48:37.380
art from like the whatever era. And you're like,

01:48:37.439 --> 01:48:39.039
well, this one's hella old. We're like, how do

01:48:39.039 --> 01:48:40.699
you know? And it was like, oh yeah, I guess.

01:48:41.079 --> 01:48:42.420
Yeah, you have no idea. I don't really know.

01:48:42.439 --> 01:48:44.000
Just painting. Somebody told me it's old. Right.

01:48:44.079 --> 01:48:46.159
Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of lies out there.

01:48:46.180 --> 01:48:50.250
A lot of fake paints. A lot of dudes. I mean,

01:48:50.270 --> 01:48:53.130
it looks good. That's badass. I think it's pretty

01:48:53.130 --> 01:48:55.609
expensive. How much is that, bitch? A million

01:48:55.609 --> 01:48:59.189
bucks? One auction went for, what, 2 million?

01:48:59.390 --> 01:49:02.149
2 .1, I think it said. How much is Judge's 63rd?

01:49:02.170 --> 01:49:05.390
Jesus Christ, who wants that? Imagine you got

01:49:05.390 --> 01:49:07.390
so much money, you spent 2 million on a hat.

01:49:07.550 --> 01:49:08.890
You don't want to jack off wearing a Napoleon

01:49:08.890 --> 01:49:12.449
hat? I do want to. I do now. I didn't until you

01:49:12.449 --> 01:49:14.250
brought it out. You got to wear that while doing

01:49:14.250 --> 01:49:15.189
doggy. I want to do it in front of a full -length

01:49:15.189 --> 01:49:19.159
mirror, flexing. Yeah. Did we talk about what

01:49:19.159 --> 01:49:21.119
Hitler did to Napoleon? Did we talk about this

01:49:21.119 --> 01:49:23.399
already? When Napoleon's tomb, everyone had to

01:49:23.399 --> 01:49:25.779
bow their head to get in. And Hitler built a

01:49:25.779 --> 01:49:27.359
series of mirrors so he wouldn't have to bow

01:49:27.359 --> 01:49:29.500
so he could look at it without bowing down. That's

01:49:29.500 --> 01:49:32.560
wild. It was before I go in. Yeah. Change all

01:49:32.560 --> 01:49:34.260
the mirrors so he could just go, you didn't get

01:49:34.260 --> 01:49:37.600
me, Napoleon. But he loved them. Yeah. Interesting.

01:49:37.920 --> 01:49:40.000
Yeah. Interesting. Every once in a while you

01:49:40.000 --> 01:49:42.079
hear a Hitler story where you go, God. Damn,

01:49:42.079 --> 01:49:44.500
that was pretty sick. Shit on my chest to get

01:49:44.500 --> 01:49:47.239
hard. I love it. I feel that way about a lot

01:49:47.239 --> 01:49:48.920
of them. Gals with shit on their chest. I don't

01:49:48.920 --> 01:49:51.399
know. They told us, and I could see them. That's

01:49:51.399 --> 01:49:53.119
big propaganda for Jim Hughes. That sounds very

01:49:53.119 --> 01:49:55.159
meth -y. He was pretty stupid. That's very meth

01:49:55.159 --> 01:49:57.899
-y. Shit on my chest. It might have been accidental

01:49:57.899 --> 01:50:00.420
shit on meth. He did some meth, man. As soon

01:50:00.420 --> 01:50:02.020
as you hear about a guy doing meth, you're like,

01:50:02.100 --> 01:50:05.340
oh. Everything goes from that. Yeah, meth. The

01:50:05.340 --> 01:50:09.020
book I read about him, by the end he was just

01:50:09.020 --> 01:50:11.180
sitting by his fire and you just had to listen

01:50:11.180 --> 01:50:12.699
to him tell stories. And he would be on meth

01:50:12.699 --> 01:50:19.289
and he'd be screaming. And what he was screaming

01:50:19.289 --> 01:50:21.529
about was like I'm the greatest architect that's

01:50:21.529 --> 01:50:23.430
ever lived I shouldn't even be doing this war.

01:50:23.569 --> 01:50:25.590
Oh my god. I didn't even want to do it, but fucking

01:50:25.590 --> 01:50:30.329
Churchill made greatest architect Everybody thinks

01:50:30.329 --> 01:50:32.310
he thought he was a great artist. He thought

01:50:32.310 --> 01:50:34.590
he was the greatest architect. Oh my god. This

01:50:34.590 --> 01:50:41.149
is Elvis with karate That's right. Elvis karate

01:50:41.149 --> 01:50:45.829
shirt. Oh, my God. Shout out to Roots of Fight.

01:50:46.590 --> 01:50:49.090
Yeah, Elvis would get pilled up, and they'd pretend

01:50:49.090 --> 01:50:50.989
that he was good at karate. And dudes were just

01:50:50.989 --> 01:50:52.449
like, I can't believe you're doing this to me.

01:50:52.550 --> 01:50:54.569
They would try to move him, and he'd put his

01:50:54.569 --> 01:50:56.689
neck out there and stop them from moving. That's

01:50:56.689 --> 01:51:00.550
kind of nice. That's kind of nice. His liver

01:51:00.550 --> 01:51:06.449
was redlining all day long. Just be like, I'm

01:51:06.449 --> 01:51:09.029
the best fighter ever. We went to Graceland.

01:51:09.550 --> 01:51:11.189
That's right. We were there at the same time.

01:51:11.210 --> 01:51:13.189
We did a Graceland tour. The racquetball court

01:51:13.189 --> 01:51:15.090
where he died. He had multiple TVs, so he could

01:51:15.090 --> 01:51:17.369
watch every channel in existence all at once.

01:51:17.369 --> 01:51:20.409
We had four TVs. Come on, man. That was big back

01:51:20.409 --> 01:51:22.670
then. Four TVs was crazy. I thought it was on

01:51:22.670 --> 01:51:25.390
a toilet. Outside his racquetball court. He was

01:51:25.390 --> 01:51:26.850
playing racquetball. He said, I fell, so I'm

01:51:26.850 --> 01:51:28.449
going to take a shit. He had a separate house

01:51:28.449 --> 01:51:30.829
for racquetball. He's like one of those kids

01:51:30.829 --> 01:51:32.529
that got the vaccine. You just immediately have

01:51:32.529 --> 01:51:35.170
a heart attack. He's Heather McDonald. Yeah,

01:51:35.550 --> 01:51:38.569
he couldn't sleep, so he started playing racquetball,

01:51:38.630 --> 01:51:40.090
and he called a guy like at 3 o 'clock. I'm like

01:51:40.090 --> 01:51:44.109
gotta come play with me down here. Come on And

01:51:44.109 --> 01:51:48.550
he was like I gotta take a dump and there it

01:51:48.550 --> 01:51:53.869
was the first super famous guy You think what

01:51:53.869 --> 01:51:56.029
about Hitler? Yeah, I'm different kind of love

01:51:56.029 --> 01:52:03.270
star Well start in the 60s 50s starting the yeah

01:52:03.270 --> 01:52:05.489
starting the 50s went into the 70s. Yeah, there's

01:52:05.489 --> 01:52:12.859
nobody he died In like 1976, I want to say, 78

01:52:12.859 --> 01:52:15.739
maybe. He was already past the huge then. He

01:52:15.739 --> 01:52:19.880
was still huge though. But he got big. He got

01:52:19.880 --> 01:52:22.460
real fat and crazy and was just drugged out of

01:52:22.460 --> 01:52:24.260
his mind. You ever see the video of him singing

01:52:24.260 --> 01:52:27.260
from Vegas? Yeah, Unchained Melody is incredible.

01:52:27.420 --> 01:52:32.739
Still amazing. Bloated, dying. Still his injury.

01:52:32.859 --> 01:52:35.020
I got something good. He got his sweaty his entrance

01:52:35.020 --> 01:52:38.899
in some place where it's like He just like walks

01:52:38.899 --> 01:52:41.600
with just he just just walks here the mics there

01:52:41.600 --> 01:52:44.119
walks this is like this, you know He's just going

01:52:44.119 --> 01:52:46.960
back and forth. Oh And then immediately goes

01:52:46.960 --> 01:52:49.779
and starts. Yeah. Oh my god fucking injury. What

01:52:49.779 --> 01:52:51.859
a fucking injury my whole life I hated Elvis.

01:52:52.020 --> 01:52:54.579
I thought he sucked and then I watched him What's

01:52:54.579 --> 01:52:56.779
the hate? Young Elvis is so in. I don't know.

01:52:56.779 --> 01:52:58.720
I guess whoever liked Elvis I thought was popular.

01:52:59.000 --> 01:53:01.140
Right, right. It's too obvious. I watched it.

01:53:01.439 --> 01:53:03.760
It's too obvious, but it's really good. It's

01:53:03.760 --> 01:53:08.039
like ACDC. Like, ooh, ACDC. Bitch, listen to

01:53:08.039 --> 01:53:10.739
Long Way to the Top. Listen to that fucking song.

01:53:10.880 --> 01:53:13.399
It's a long way. If you don't like that song,

01:53:13.560 --> 01:53:16.579
you don't like America. You don't like freedom.

01:53:16.960 --> 01:53:19.520
You don't like hard work. Shut the fuck up. It's

01:53:19.520 --> 01:53:22.920
just too easy. Elvis was too easy. Fat Unchained

01:53:22.920 --> 01:53:25.970
Melodies. Bro, he was so good. He was so good.

01:53:25.970 --> 01:53:27.710
Look at him. Look how big he was. Come on, man.

01:53:28.050 --> 01:53:32.069
Damn. Panette. And he wasn't that old. Yeah,

01:53:32.090 --> 01:53:34.590
what is he there, 40? He has no ass. He looks

01:53:34.590 --> 01:53:39.909
better than me. Look at this. Well, compared

01:53:39.909 --> 01:53:41.770
to how hot he was. He was like a hot guy. Oh,

01:53:41.770 --> 01:53:44.250
he was so hot when he was young. He was like

01:53:44.250 --> 01:53:47.369
the first black, white guy. Is that the general?

01:53:47.729 --> 01:53:49.449
Yeah. You know, he was like the first wigger.

01:53:49.569 --> 01:53:51.270
Is that the general right there? Show me the

01:53:51.270 --> 01:53:53.569
right keys. No. No. It's a different guy. It's

01:53:53.569 --> 01:53:55.170
a different handler. No, I think that's one of

01:53:55.170 --> 01:53:57.369
his musicians. So I heard Dolly talking about

01:53:57.369 --> 01:54:00.229
him. Oh, he's cranked out of his fucking mind,

01:54:00.310 --> 01:54:03.890
Dolly. Dolly Lama? Oh, this is nice. I just recorded

01:54:03.890 --> 01:54:08.289
it, and I don't know. I don't know. Is it out?

01:54:09.729 --> 01:54:12.109
About two weeks. Two weeks to be out? He's not

01:54:12.109 --> 01:54:13.369
making no difference. The wine house is late.

01:54:13.850 --> 01:54:17.189
Wow. You're thinking, how's this guy going to

01:54:17.189 --> 01:54:19.850
do this? You're thinking, he's out of his mind.

01:54:20.289 --> 01:54:22.890
He's in another dimension right now. You can

01:54:22.890 --> 01:54:24.789
hear how quiet the room is. They're going, God

01:54:24.789 --> 01:54:27.329
damn. This is like O 'Connor before he goes on

01:54:27.329 --> 01:54:30.770
drugs. He'll be fine. He'll figure it out. That's

01:54:30.770 --> 01:54:34.510
funny. I'll tell you in a second. I was nervous

01:54:34.510 --> 01:54:38.189
about that. Cranked out of his mind. Listen to

01:54:38.189 --> 01:54:45.869
how good this is. Wow. Wow. I can't get a mic

01:54:45.869 --> 01:55:18.890
stand? Good point. Wow. God damn. That's so good.

01:55:19.359 --> 01:55:25.760
Oh, it's so good. It was... Man, do you imagine

01:55:25.760 --> 01:55:28.500
him shitting? McKeever, before my special...

01:55:28.500 --> 01:55:30.560
God damn, that's good. He made that exact joke

01:55:30.560 --> 01:55:33.060
about O 'Connor. He was like, the only way you

01:55:33.060 --> 01:55:34.939
can fuck this special up is if you black out

01:55:34.939 --> 01:55:37.619
before the show. And then even then, it'd be

01:55:37.619 --> 01:55:40.979
like Fat Elvis on Jane Mountain. He'd go in the

01:55:40.979 --> 01:55:43.619
green room, I'm like... Get on stage, just crush

01:55:43.619 --> 01:55:48.680
it. My love. Goddamn. Goddamn, that was good.

01:55:48.880 --> 01:55:51.100
I mean, if you heard that guy talking before,

01:55:51.180 --> 01:55:53.439
if you were in the audience, like, oh, no, we

01:55:53.439 --> 01:55:54.619
came to the wrong night. You see they're going,

01:55:54.720 --> 01:55:56.859
is this song out yet? They go, two weeks, King.

01:55:56.880 --> 01:55:59.979
It's just pure talent that'll overcome the obstacles.

01:55:59.979 --> 01:56:02.500
Look how sweaty he is, dude. So chubby. Give

01:56:02.500 --> 01:56:09.220
me some more of this, Jamie. He's launching this

01:56:09.220 --> 01:56:10.960
song right now? Yeah. He's showing it to them.

01:56:11.000 --> 01:56:12.600
He's like, I know you're about to hear it all

01:56:12.600 --> 01:56:14.500
the time. They haven't even heard it yet. Whoa.

01:56:25.340 --> 01:57:13.760
Damn! Graves Brody is dressed. You guys are allegedly

01:57:13.760 --> 01:57:15.859
on mushrooms. That must have been fucking nice.

01:57:16.380 --> 01:57:20.739
Oh, my God. It's so good. That is one fat talent.

01:57:20.739 --> 01:57:23.520
That's what we live for. We live for those. Like,

01:57:23.520 --> 01:57:25.380
if you could belt out one of them moments in

01:57:25.380 --> 01:57:28.300
your life, you did it. Yeah. One of those moments.

01:57:28.340 --> 01:57:30.720
I mean, this guy had a ton of them. But one of

01:57:30.720 --> 01:57:32.859
those moments. And nobody had ever gotten that

01:57:32.859 --> 01:57:35.600
famous before. Nobody had ever. Like, nobody

01:57:35.600 --> 01:57:39.260
gets that famous ever and doesn't go crazy. But

01:57:39.260 --> 01:57:41.800
nobody had ever gotten that famous before Elvis.

01:57:42.380 --> 01:57:44.319
He was the first. Yeah. It's also, you go to

01:57:44.319 --> 01:57:46.699
his house, it's not that big. Oh, right. Like,

01:57:46.720 --> 01:57:48.500
your house is probably the same size as Elvis'.

01:57:48.500 --> 01:57:50.420
No, it's pretty much. His house is bigger. Come

01:57:50.420 --> 01:57:53.319
on, man. Who? Oh, really? I live in a big -ass

01:57:53.319 --> 01:57:55.539
house, man. Oh, okay. That's what I'm saying.

01:57:55.539 --> 01:57:56.880
Come over and watch me do a little jiu -jitsu.

01:57:56.880 --> 01:58:00.760
First of all, which house? I was just going to

01:58:00.760 --> 01:58:02.319
say, you see, like, a little bow -wow. I know.

01:58:02.520 --> 01:58:05.060
He's got a suburban house. It's just a house

01:58:05.060 --> 01:58:07.840
in the burbs. That's all. You don't need a big

01:58:07.840 --> 01:58:09.840
house. If I was by myself, I'd have a regular

01:58:09.840 --> 01:58:13.020
house. Yeah, you would. You don't need. It's

01:58:13.020 --> 01:58:15.279
all nonsense. It's just where you live. That's

01:58:15.279 --> 01:58:16.659
the first thing I figured out when I came to

01:58:16.659 --> 01:58:19.000
Hollywood. I was 27 years old. That was the first

01:58:19.000 --> 01:58:20.600
time I ever had a nice apartment in my life.

01:58:20.680 --> 01:58:22.779
I had a loft. I had a fucking pool table. I was

01:58:22.779 --> 01:58:25.979
like, this is sick. And then I'm like, oh, this

01:58:25.979 --> 01:58:29.199
is just where I live. I felt like, oh, that's

01:58:29.199 --> 01:58:31.199
another trick you got to be aware of. Like this

01:58:31.199 --> 01:58:33.359
idea of always getting a bigger, better. You

01:58:33.359 --> 01:58:35.319
never appreciate it. It's always just where you

01:58:35.319 --> 01:58:37.840
live. This is all you need. A place that's safe

01:58:37.840 --> 01:58:40.960
that has a TV. You have a kitchen. You have a

01:58:40.960 --> 01:58:42.659
TV. No playground next to you to wake you up.

01:58:42.699 --> 01:58:44.600
Yeah, you don't want anything crazy loud. You

01:58:44.600 --> 01:58:45.960
don't want to be near a train station. I'm thinking

01:58:45.960 --> 01:58:47.079
about buying a house, and I'm like, I'm literally

01:58:47.079 --> 01:58:49.600
just going to hang out in two rooms. Yeah. I'm

01:58:49.600 --> 01:58:51.699
going to walk from my bed to the fucking couch.

01:58:51.880 --> 01:58:54.020
The only time it changes is if you have a family.

01:58:54.100 --> 01:58:55.920
You have a family, then you want a yard, then

01:58:55.920 --> 01:58:57.319
you want a pool, then you want a lot of things.

01:58:57.340 --> 01:58:59.460
You want a lot of things. Or if you want a dog.

01:58:59.699 --> 01:59:01.100
Yeah, you want to have a room to be like, I don't

01:59:01.100 --> 01:59:02.439
know where to put this. I'll just shove it in.

01:59:02.460 --> 01:59:05.859
I always had dogs. My garage is fucked. I've

01:59:05.859 --> 01:59:08.260
always had dogs, so I always have a big yard.

01:59:08.420 --> 01:59:09.479
I'm like, that's. That's the thing. Can't have

01:59:09.479 --> 01:59:11.060
a dog. That's the only reason why I never bought

01:59:11.060 --> 01:59:15.439
Crest Hill. The house above the store? The Mitzi

01:59:15.439 --> 01:59:16.600
house? You thought about buying it? Yes, I went

01:59:16.600 --> 01:59:19.100
to look at it. Because it was like, Sam Kinison

01:59:19.100 --> 01:59:20.819
used to live there. I'm like, this would be crazy

01:59:20.819 --> 01:59:23.619
to own this fucking house. But I had a crazy

01:59:23.619 --> 01:59:25.779
dog, and that yard was too little. I was like,

01:59:25.859 --> 01:59:28.159
he'll find a way out. Sam Kinison pissed on Marc

01:59:28.159 --> 01:59:31.319
Maron's bed up there. Nice. Whoa. Nice. What

01:59:31.319 --> 01:59:33.680
the fuck? Imagine if that was on YouTube. I have

01:59:33.680 --> 01:59:37.600
100 million views. All over his bed, just standing

01:59:37.600 --> 01:59:40.600
up. Wow, that's a credit. That's marking his

01:59:40.600 --> 01:59:42.420
territory. That's what your cat does. That's

01:59:42.420 --> 01:59:48.020
why you got to give him spade. Easy. Spade new

01:59:48.020 --> 01:59:50.640
to your pets. I'm Bob Barker. Wow, what a weird...

01:59:51.119 --> 01:59:53.140
thing he had. That was his big call. That was

01:59:53.140 --> 01:59:54.460
his big thing. That was his big thing. That was

01:59:54.460 --> 01:59:59.880
his big thing. Turn your dogs trans. Everyone,

01:59:59.939 --> 02:00:02.239
turn your dogs trans. It's important to have

02:00:02.239 --> 02:00:04.220
a trans dog. How about just don't let your dog

02:00:04.220 --> 02:00:06.260
fuck random dogs? Especially when your name's

02:00:06.260 --> 02:00:09.500
Bob Barker. Oh, shit. I never put that together.

02:00:10.199 --> 02:00:13.840
What a fucking freak. What a freak. What a freak.

02:00:14.060 --> 02:00:21.640
What was his real name? Ken Stevens. That's not

02:00:21.640 --> 02:00:25.220
a good joke. That's a good joke. That's a solid

02:00:25.220 --> 02:00:29.260
joke. That's a solid joke. Come on, that made

02:00:29.260 --> 02:00:31.760
me laugh. In this room, that's a solid joke.

02:00:31.819 --> 02:00:34.079
Right now, it's good. Three people laughing,

02:00:34.279 --> 02:00:37.619
that's a solid audience of three. Jamie, were

02:00:37.619 --> 02:01:00.789
you laughing at that? No. where he sits down

02:01:00.789 --> 02:01:03.369
just with the fucking the chair and there's like

02:01:03.369 --> 02:01:05.029
breaking down things that are going on in the

02:01:05.029 --> 02:01:06.729
world oh no i don't know you ever seen that video

02:01:06.729 --> 02:01:09.960
it went it went Fucking viral. You've seen it,

02:01:09.979 --> 02:01:12.220
right? Yeah, I'm friends with him. Great video.

02:01:12.479 --> 02:01:14.500
He's doing his premiere for Million Dollar Extreme

02:01:14.500 --> 02:01:18.159
2 in Austin on Sunday. What does that mean? They

02:01:18.159 --> 02:01:20.340
had a sketch show called Million Dollar Extreme.

02:01:20.520 --> 02:01:23.119
It was funny. And it got canceled off Adult Swim.

02:01:23.119 --> 02:01:25.880
Oh, that's right. And now they've made it again.

02:01:26.680 --> 02:01:29.439
He's a little too wild. He's a wild fucking boy.

02:01:29.439 --> 02:01:32.300
He's a little wild. But you ever see Moms or

02:01:32.300 --> 02:01:34.520
Mothers? What is it? That's a brilliant one.

02:01:34.880 --> 02:01:37.359
What is it? He writes a script, realizes he can

02:01:37.359 --> 02:01:40.039
get some local, I'll try to be an actress, to

02:01:40.039 --> 02:01:41.899
read the lines. So they're like, oh, well, let's

02:01:41.899 --> 02:01:44.239
write crazy lines. And they're reading these

02:01:44.239 --> 02:01:46.760
lines not knowing what it is. And he goes, it's

02:01:46.760 --> 02:01:49.680
something like, yes. I am the curly haired one.

02:01:49.819 --> 02:01:52.100
I think we should try to fuck the curly haired

02:01:52.100 --> 02:01:56.659
one. It's crazy. And they're just like trying

02:01:56.659 --> 02:01:59.500
not to laugh so hard. Him and Nick Rochefort's

02:01:59.500 --> 02:02:02.000
one of the funniest dudes I've ever met. Those

02:02:02.000 --> 02:02:04.539
guys are pretty great. They're locking a bunch

02:02:04.539 --> 02:02:07.880
of homeless people in a fucking room and just

02:02:07.880 --> 02:02:10.239
let's watch them. I don't agree with all this.

02:02:10.340 --> 02:02:12.460
I think this one's wild. Like bum fights you

02:02:12.460 --> 02:02:14.640
mean? No. You're talking fish tank. Bum live.

02:02:15.760 --> 02:02:17.720
It's just like, it's real world. You're saying

02:02:17.720 --> 02:02:19.319
fish tank. Yeah, it's real world. You get the

02:02:19.319 --> 02:02:21.359
craziest people put together. Real world's okay

02:02:21.359 --> 02:02:23.739
because they're only mildly mentally ill. But

02:02:23.739 --> 02:02:25.359
they always got a racist and a black on real

02:02:25.359 --> 02:02:27.699
world. I'm like, let's put them in. Producers,

02:02:27.699 --> 02:02:29.699
they know how to make drama. That's what he's

02:02:29.699 --> 02:02:32.369
doing. Yeah. Fish tank. I mean, if you're going

02:02:32.369 --> 02:02:34.310
to make a show, you can't just have a bunch of

02:02:34.310 --> 02:02:35.770
people hanging out and having a good time. You

02:02:35.770 --> 02:02:38.930
need a bunch of cat fights. Even the Kardashians

02:02:38.930 --> 02:02:43.890
went after each other. Remember that? Swinging

02:02:43.890 --> 02:02:46.289
at each other, slapping at each other. They're

02:02:46.289 --> 02:02:48.029
in the hallway. One of them threw a leg kick.

02:02:49.630 --> 02:02:52.630
Joe was watching, commentating. I was watching.

02:02:53.470 --> 02:02:55.789
People know how to throw leg kicks now. That's

02:02:55.789 --> 02:02:57.810
a new thing with street fights. People throw

02:02:57.810 --> 02:03:01.750
leg kicks. I saw it after... Who was with me?

02:03:01.789 --> 02:03:07.109
It was Patriots versus Broncos. So there's some

02:03:07.109 --> 02:03:10.090
fucking drunk Boston fans who were leaving, and

02:03:10.090 --> 02:03:13.029
some old man talks some shit to them. He goes,

02:03:13.029 --> 02:03:14.609
all right, better luck next time. He's like,

02:03:14.630 --> 02:03:16.539
shut your mouth. He goes. Easy, bro. And then

02:03:16.539 --> 02:03:18.760
just leg kick to the face, knocked him out. Leg

02:03:18.760 --> 02:03:22.460
kick? Not to the face. Oh, to the leg. A leg

02:03:22.460 --> 02:03:24.399
kick. Using the leg and kicking someone in the

02:03:24.399 --> 02:03:25.619
face is just a regular kick. It's not an arm

02:03:25.619 --> 02:03:28.340
punch. He hit him with a head kick? He opened

02:03:28.340 --> 02:03:30.199
up with a head kick? He just spun and kicked

02:03:30.199 --> 02:03:32.199
him. It was like this guy was just a nice Denver

02:03:32.199 --> 02:03:33.880
resident. Oh, Jesus Christ. Didn't know what

02:03:33.880 --> 02:03:35.920
he was getting into. You never know who knows

02:03:35.920 --> 02:03:38.119
that jujitsu shit now. He hit him with a wheel

02:03:38.119 --> 02:03:40.439
kick? He spun around? He spun around. Spinning

02:03:40.439 --> 02:03:43.420
fucking back heel. Spinning heel kick in front

02:03:43.420 --> 02:03:46.260
of his wife? Yeah. Oh, God. He was like 60. Oh,

02:03:46.319 --> 02:03:49.199
no. Yeah, you can't do that. 60? Yeah, it was

02:03:49.199 --> 02:03:50.239
pretty brutal. That's how people die, and then

02:03:50.239 --> 02:03:51.399
you go to jail for the rest of your life for

02:03:51.399 --> 02:03:54.159
looking cool. I think it was me and Simone. I'll

02:03:54.159 --> 02:03:57.600
show people. Use my karate skills. Yeah. So dangerous.

02:03:57.640 --> 02:04:01.319
Yeah, I mean, karate guys and MMA guys should

02:04:01.319 --> 02:04:03.960
not be allowed to drink. Yeah, true. They're

02:04:03.960 --> 02:04:05.000
usually pretty cool. Imagine getting drunk with

02:04:05.000 --> 02:04:06.600
Sean. Well, he doesn't do anything. He's sober.

02:04:06.920 --> 02:04:11.260
Sean Strickland. If I could do a cool kick, you're

02:04:11.260 --> 02:04:14.130
doing it. I'm fucking kicking everybody. The

02:04:14.130 --> 02:04:16.149
second I start drinking, I go, what did you fucking

02:04:16.149 --> 02:04:17.930
say, Jamie, about Ohio State, you motherfucker?

02:04:19.710 --> 02:04:23.689
Oh, Jamie, can you bring up Michigan walking

02:04:23.689 --> 02:04:26.210
into Ohio State Stadium? Nice change of subject.

02:04:26.590 --> 02:04:28.430
The thing is, though, I don't think you would

02:04:28.430 --> 02:04:30.550
do it if you could do it. True, yeah. I guess

02:04:30.550 --> 02:04:32.149
it humbles you a little. Yeah, you don't care.

02:04:32.329 --> 02:04:33.489
I could do it. I don't want to do it to anybody.

02:04:33.569 --> 02:04:35.729
That's what I noticed about going to UFCs, the

02:04:35.729 --> 02:04:38.550
backstage stuff, is they're so quiet and just

02:04:38.550 --> 02:04:41.609
very chill, meek people. Very nice. I don't know.

02:04:41.710 --> 02:04:45.310
I've hung out with Nate a lot. He's a different

02:04:45.310 --> 02:04:47.630
animal. But that's also why he's such a superstar.

02:04:47.850 --> 02:04:50.010
Everybody loves him because he's the same guy.

02:04:50.210 --> 02:04:53.410
It's also why he's great fighting. Absolutely.

02:04:53.410 --> 02:04:55.270
Genuinely doesn't give a fuck. Leon Edwards is

02:04:55.270 --> 02:04:56.909
my favorite fight I've ever seen. Yeah, when

02:04:56.909 --> 02:04:58.229
he cracked him with the left hand and then pointed

02:04:58.229 --> 02:04:59.710
at him. It's my favorite moment. Oh, I got you.

02:05:00.210 --> 02:05:03.390
For four straight rounds, Leon's doing moves.

02:05:03.869 --> 02:05:06.789
Like, trying shit. Yeah. Spinning elbow to the

02:05:06.789 --> 02:05:09.670
forehead and then he just goes. Oh, we're done

02:05:09.670 --> 02:05:13.569
spinning shit? Yeah, fucking gay ass spin. Fucking

02:05:13.569 --> 02:05:16.949
gay bullshit. Come here. I heard he's trying

02:05:16.949 --> 02:05:19.409
to come back to the UFC. I hope so. Yeah, I was

02:05:19.409 --> 02:05:21.270
reading articles. I don't know if it's substantiated.

02:05:21.329 --> 02:05:23.180
Money's there. They're looking for it. Fuck yeah.

02:05:23.420 --> 02:05:26.359
That guy? He's a superstar. That guy shows up.

02:05:26.359 --> 02:05:28.640
He'll fight anyone. Bro, I always said that he

02:05:28.640 --> 02:05:30.979
was the most underappreciated superstar during

02:05:30.979 --> 02:05:33.100
the Conor McGregor times. I was like, you guys

02:05:33.100 --> 02:05:35.500
are missing out. You've got Conor McGregor, but

02:05:35.500 --> 02:05:38.500
Nate Diaz just beat him and said, I'm not surprised,

02:05:38.819 --> 02:05:41.380
motherfucker. Not just like, I can't believe

02:05:41.380 --> 02:05:43.680
it. It wasn't Storm the Field guy. I'm not surprised,

02:05:43.880 --> 02:05:48.979
motherfucker. That was what got me into the sport.

02:05:49.159 --> 02:05:50.699
What about this? I was at that one with Epstein.

02:05:52.039 --> 02:05:55.960
Oh, my God. Amazing. It was like, what? Epstein.

02:05:56.489 --> 02:06:00.029
This jujitsu guy. He caught a dude in a triangle.

02:06:00.470 --> 02:06:03.289
Caught a dude in a triangle and then did a double

02:06:03.289 --> 02:06:07.310
flex. While he had him in the triangle, like

02:06:07.310 --> 02:06:10.569
fully locked up. Einstein, Einstein. Amazing.

02:06:11.010 --> 02:06:12.829
His name is Einstein? Yeah, his name is Einstein.

02:06:13.170 --> 02:06:16.689
Nice going, Einstein. What does he do in off

02:06:16.689 --> 02:06:20.750
-season? How does he make money? He gets bowling

02:06:20.750 --> 02:06:22.270
lessons. Something happened. He had a boxing

02:06:22.270 --> 02:06:26.380
match with Jorge Masvidal. He won. And he won,

02:06:26.520 --> 02:06:29.760
but they didn't give him the money. What? Yeah.

02:06:30.399 --> 02:06:34.199
See if that got resolved. There was a crazy thing.

02:06:34.340 --> 02:06:36.600
You know, you have these fly -by -night promotions,

02:06:36.859 --> 02:06:39.039
and sometimes they're not funded correctly. Like

02:06:39.039 --> 02:06:40.659
any black room? Like, we'll send you the check.

02:06:40.659 --> 02:06:42.439
I'm like, give it to me now. Give it to me now.

02:06:42.600 --> 02:06:45.500
Whoa. That is the wrong show. I don't know what

02:06:45.500 --> 02:06:47.420
you're talking about. Yeah, right. Jerry, delete

02:06:47.420 --> 02:06:49.199
all the stuff I said about Hillary. Bro, I had

02:06:49.199 --> 02:06:51.260
that with a mob club I used to work for in Connecticut.

02:06:52.119 --> 02:06:54.260
Get paid if you're lucky. Yeah, if you're lucky.

02:06:54.300 --> 02:06:56.939
I saw you almost fucking beat a guy in Vancouver

02:06:56.939 --> 02:06:58.899
Island. Oh, yeah. He's like, I'll send it to

02:06:58.899 --> 02:07:00.779
you later. I've never seen him because the checks

02:07:00.779 --> 02:07:03.220
were always from him. They're coming. What happened?

02:07:03.439 --> 02:07:04.220
He was like, give me my money. He goes, no, we

02:07:04.220 --> 02:07:06.079
got to send it. He goes, bro. He went to the

02:07:06.079 --> 02:07:08.979
back. Yeah. He's like, no, no, no, no, no. Write

02:07:08.979 --> 02:07:11.779
the check now. Pay me now. Yeah, that guy was

02:07:11.779 --> 02:07:17.500
super sketchy. Talking about his balance. What

02:07:17.500 --> 02:07:19.840
are you talking about? These have to clear. Suze

02:07:19.840 --> 02:07:23.319
reported $9 million. So they robbed him out of

02:07:23.319 --> 02:07:27.020
$9 million. Pre -fight deal in place. Promoter,

02:07:27.140 --> 02:07:30.079
blah, blah, blah. Yeah, so he beat him, but he's

02:07:30.079 --> 02:07:32.470
owed $9 million. I hope he gets his money. Me

02:07:32.470 --> 02:07:34.329
too. Damn. Yeah, also, he's doing it. It's hard

02:07:34.329 --> 02:07:35.850
to get money on a person who doesn't have any

02:07:35.850 --> 02:07:37.369
money, though. That's impossible. That's the

02:07:37.369 --> 02:07:39.409
problem. You get an old Ferrari. Yeah. You could

02:07:39.409 --> 02:07:45.029
have his stuff. But Nate does, they do like jujitsu

02:07:45.029 --> 02:07:47.930
shit. They'll do like. Seminars. Yeah. Yeah,

02:07:47.930 --> 02:07:49.630
he does a lot of seminars. Makes plenty of money

02:07:49.630 --> 02:07:52.869
doing seminars. Then Nate's a legit jujitsu black

02:07:52.869 --> 02:07:55.130
belt. Purple. They always say purple, right?

02:07:56.160 --> 02:07:58.239
As he was doing this, he was like, I'm just a

02:07:58.239 --> 02:08:02.220
purple belt. Like, shut up, dude. And his brother

02:08:02.220 --> 02:08:04.880
was one of the best of all time. That was always

02:08:04.880 --> 02:08:07.020
cool. Him, because any time I've hung out with

02:08:07.020 --> 02:08:09.439
Nate, I've never hung out with Nick, but he talks

02:08:09.439 --> 02:08:12.739
about Nick with this reverence. There was a time.

02:08:12.800 --> 02:08:15.560
I've never seen anything like it. People missed

02:08:15.560 --> 02:08:17.800
it because most of it happened in the Strikeforce

02:08:17.800 --> 02:08:21.979
days. Nick's? Yeah, Nick's Prime. Nick's Prime,

02:08:22.039 --> 02:08:24.579
he was a bad motherfucker, dude. He was a terrifying

02:08:24.579 --> 02:08:27.300
guy because he had the most insane cardio that's

02:08:27.300 --> 02:08:31.420
ever existed. This guy swam from Alcatraz to

02:08:31.420 --> 02:08:35.229
the shore. He swam. Five times. What? I said

02:08:35.229 --> 02:08:37.529
twice, and he corrected me online. He said five

02:08:37.529 --> 02:08:39.430
times. Since then, he's probably swam a bunch

02:08:39.430 --> 02:08:41.449
more. So it's probably like 10 times now. Holy

02:08:41.449 --> 02:08:46.329
shit. Swim from Alcatraz in the ocean with the

02:08:46.329 --> 02:08:48.810
sharks, the thing that was supposed to keep people

02:08:48.810 --> 02:08:51.170
from ever escaping that island. People voluntarily

02:08:51.170 --> 02:08:53.529
do it, and he's done it a ton of times. Trained

02:08:53.529 --> 02:08:56.649
by a dad. His fucking cardio was off the charts,

02:08:56.689 --> 02:08:59.369
and you just couldn't keep his pace. He'd put

02:08:59.369 --> 02:09:01.470
a pace on you and hit you with like 50 % punches.

02:09:01.770 --> 02:09:03.770
Yeah. 50 % bunches, but constantly have him in

02:09:03.770 --> 02:09:04.869
your face. Why is he talking shit? What are you

02:09:04.869 --> 02:09:05.710
going to do, bitch? What are you going to do,

02:09:05.770 --> 02:09:08.229
bitch? Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. And then every

02:09:08.229 --> 02:09:10.369
now and then, rip one to the body. Rip one to

02:09:10.369 --> 02:09:12.369
the body. Pop, pop, pop. And you're exhausted.

02:09:12.550 --> 02:09:14.069
And you can't breathe. Because when someone's

02:09:14.069 --> 02:09:16.189
punching you, you can't take a breath. So even

02:09:16.189 --> 02:09:18.369
if he's only punching you like this, you're all

02:09:18.369 --> 02:09:22.949
tense. He's relaxed. He's a better boxer than

02:09:22.949 --> 02:09:24.289
you. He's better at jiu -jitsu. What are you

02:09:24.289 --> 02:09:25.850
going to do? Take him down? What are you going

02:09:25.850 --> 02:09:29.029
to do? How did he ever lose when he lost? It

02:09:29.029 --> 02:09:32.970
got to a point where later in his career, everybody

02:09:32.970 --> 02:09:36.170
slows down. But in Strikeforce, he was in his

02:09:36.170 --> 02:09:39.850
prime. Frank Shamrock. Nick Diaz versus Frank

02:09:39.850 --> 02:09:42.430
Shamrock in Strikeforce. A great example. Whoa.

02:09:42.970 --> 02:09:44.909
That's a fight. He beat Shamrock. He beat his

02:09:44.909 --> 02:09:46.869
ass. But when he lost in his prime, how did he

02:09:46.869 --> 02:09:49.840
lose? Well, he didn't really lose in his prime.

02:09:49.920 --> 02:09:51.840
Well, he might have lost a couple of decisions

02:09:51.840 --> 02:09:55.199
in his prime in, like, three rounders. I'd have

02:09:55.199 --> 02:09:56.659
to, like, go back and look at it. But, like,

02:09:56.699 --> 02:09:58.920
he submitted Gomi, which is, like, this huge

02:09:58.920 --> 02:10:01.500
thing in Pride with a go -go plata, like, off

02:10:01.500 --> 02:10:05.319
of his back while he was high. He tested positive

02:10:05.319 --> 02:10:08.340
so... He was tested so positive after the fight

02:10:08.340 --> 02:10:10.970
that, like, he had to be fighting high. Damn.

02:10:11.390 --> 02:10:13.890
He'd be like, yeah. Fuck yeah. Fight high. Let's

02:10:13.890 --> 02:10:18.229
go, bitch. That new Rock movie looks fun. Oh,

02:10:18.229 --> 02:10:19.949
yeah? Oh, the smashing machine? I haven't seen

02:10:19.949 --> 02:10:22.710
it. He's not gay. But, yeah, the trailer is amazing.

02:10:23.609 --> 02:10:26.909
Jamie, bring up Michigan walking on the field

02:10:26.909 --> 02:10:30.350
versus Ohio State. Oh, shit. He won't do it.

02:10:31.270 --> 02:10:33.789
He has the laptop. He won't do it. We won. We're

02:10:33.789 --> 02:10:35.850
living high right now. We don't need to go back

02:10:35.850 --> 02:10:37.670
to last year. You beat Michigan? No, we won the

02:10:37.670 --> 02:10:39.750
national championship. What's his wee shit? There's

02:10:39.750 --> 02:10:41.449
a lot of wee shit. A lot of wee shit going on.

02:10:41.550 --> 02:10:43.949
We did it. We fucking did it. Yeah, me and Nate

02:10:43.949 --> 02:10:48.470
almost beat Leon. Man, when I slapped him, it

02:10:48.470 --> 02:10:52.029
was crazy. We got the belt. The bitch slaps.

02:10:52.069 --> 02:10:53.289
That was the other thing. Who'd hit you with

02:10:53.289 --> 02:10:57.149
bitch slaps? It's crazy. I never thought about

02:10:57.149 --> 02:10:59.250
the, because his punches were like. I didn't

02:10:59.250 --> 02:11:00.930
know they were 50 % like that, where it's like

02:11:00.930 --> 02:11:02.789
you just can't breathe. Because if he went full,

02:11:02.970 --> 02:11:05.050
he'd tire himself out. Exactly. For sure. So

02:11:05.050 --> 02:11:06.449
he's putting a pace on you that you can't keep

02:11:06.449 --> 02:11:08.170
up with, and he's not hitting you at full blast.

02:11:08.529 --> 02:11:11.289
Nick would throw kicks for fun. They were silly

02:11:11.289 --> 02:11:14.069
kicks. They were never going to hit you. He would

02:11:14.069 --> 02:11:17.130
pretend to throw a wheel kick or throw a high

02:11:17.130 --> 02:11:18.829
kick. He wasn't even trying to hit you. He was

02:11:18.829 --> 02:11:20.489
just trying to put something in your face. Put

02:11:20.489 --> 02:11:22.170
something in your face, and then let you know

02:11:22.170 --> 02:11:24.710
that he's so relaxed in there with you, he'll

02:11:24.710 --> 02:11:28.569
throw silly kicks at you. Yeah. And just beat

02:11:28.569 --> 02:11:30.670
you up. I might go to that New Orleans fight.

02:11:30.710 --> 02:11:34.369
I think Poirier's fighting again. Yes, Poirier's

02:11:34.369 --> 02:11:36.609
going to fight Max Holloway, right? That's a

02:11:36.609 --> 02:11:39.189
hot one. That's the last fight of his career,

02:11:39.250 --> 02:11:42.409
right? Uh -oh. That's in New Orleans. Exactly.

02:11:42.850 --> 02:11:45.390
Holloway's or Poirier's? Well, Poirier, he wanted

02:11:45.390 --> 02:11:47.590
one more and he wanted a legend, so they got

02:11:47.590 --> 02:11:49.430
him Max Holloway. I think Max Holloway might

02:11:49.430 --> 02:11:51.449
be the number one guy for fights in the stands.

02:11:52.280 --> 02:11:55.340
Oh, really? Really? He's Hawaiian? Yeah, they

02:11:55.340 --> 02:11:59.659
go. They love fucking fighting. And you're always

02:11:59.659 --> 02:12:03.319
in the 300. Think of the jeans. Get him a couple

02:12:03.319 --> 02:12:05.840
fucking Coronas up there. Here's some Medellins.

02:12:06.659 --> 02:12:08.640
Smuggled in little airplane bottles and then

02:12:08.640 --> 02:12:09.899
like, what are you talking shit about Holloway?

02:12:10.079 --> 02:12:11.520
Are you talking shit about Holloway? Are you

02:12:11.520 --> 02:12:14.000
talking shit about Hawaii? No, dude, I've never

02:12:14.000 --> 02:12:16.579
been there. Hawaiians are terrifying. The ancestors

02:12:16.579 --> 02:12:18.659
of people that had the balls to get out in the

02:12:18.659 --> 02:12:22.579
ocean, get out in a fucking homemade, canoe and

02:12:22.579 --> 02:12:24.420
make it across the ocean to an island. That's

02:12:24.420 --> 02:12:25.939
why I was hoping I had Viking, dude. I don't.

02:12:26.840 --> 02:12:30.199
It's just a farmer. Just a farmer. A billion

02:12:30.199 --> 02:12:40.369
years of just going, yeah. Farmer's only. What

02:12:40.369 --> 02:12:42.770
a crazy dating app that is. Farmers only. I know.

02:12:42.909 --> 02:12:44.289
It basically means whites only. Yeah, they should

02:12:44.289 --> 02:12:47.770
have just gone. That's all that is. How do you

02:12:47.770 --> 02:12:49.630
say it without saying it? Not all black farmers

02:12:49.630 --> 02:12:51.949
listen to talking weed. I got good news and bad

02:12:51.949 --> 02:12:56.710
news, daddy. Found a farmer. His name's Tyrone.

02:12:57.670 --> 02:13:01.510
He grows weed. It's only watermelon. I don't

02:13:01.510 --> 02:13:05.750
know what the hell. It's worse than usual. Sorry.

02:13:06.069 --> 02:13:08.289
We've been drinking. Isn't it crazy that delicious

02:13:08.289 --> 02:13:11.149
food is racist? Chicken, watermelon, they're

02:13:11.149 --> 02:13:13.050
both great. I love them both. It doesn't work

02:13:13.050 --> 02:13:15.270
with any other race. You make fun of Italians

02:13:15.270 --> 02:13:19.350
for pizza, Irish potatoes, no one cares. That

02:13:19.350 --> 02:13:21.810
one's super sensitive. Fish. But the thing is,

02:13:21.829 --> 02:13:25.569
it's also foods that everybody loves. I know.

02:13:25.590 --> 02:13:28.789
They're both delicious. How did that happen?

02:13:29.490 --> 02:13:31.710
If you bring up fried chicken and black people,

02:13:31.770 --> 02:13:33.710
you're a piece of shit. Doesn't everybody love

02:13:33.710 --> 02:13:35.470
fried chicken? Chappelle has a bit about it.

02:13:35.569 --> 02:13:38.970
It's the best. He does. It's a great bit. No,

02:13:39.050 --> 02:13:40.789
I was talking about fried chicken. It's so good.

02:13:40.890 --> 02:13:44.020
You ever go to Gus's in town? Gus' fried chicken?

02:13:44.100 --> 02:13:46.439
Oh, it's so good. I try to genuinely actually

02:13:46.439 --> 02:13:49.260
avoid fried chicken. It'll kill you. I love it.

02:13:49.260 --> 02:13:51.680
I grew up on Popeyes, and it'll weigh you down.

02:13:51.680 --> 02:13:54.600
We used to get Roscoe's when I was in L .A.,

02:13:54.600 --> 02:13:56.899
Roscoe's chicken and waffles. Oh, my God. It's

02:13:56.899 --> 02:14:00.420
perfect. It's so good. With butter and the syrup,

02:14:00.460 --> 02:14:02.479
and then you got the hot sauce with the chicken.

02:14:02.680 --> 02:14:07.760
Oh. Doggy. Oh. That's good stuff. It's so good.

02:14:08.199 --> 02:14:13.359
Diabetes. It's coming, but not today. Today it's

02:14:13.359 --> 02:14:15.960
mouth pleasure. Bro, I thought that diabetes

02:14:15.960 --> 02:14:17.979
was coming. Yeah, but you're not. You're good.

02:14:18.039 --> 02:14:20.060
I got that fucking ways to well. I was like.

02:14:20.430 --> 02:14:22.609
I gotta at least be pre -diabetic. Nah, you got

02:14:22.609 --> 02:14:25.090
those fucking Irish genes, son. You got the full

02:14:25.090 --> 02:14:29.810
ride. Diabetes will do fucking nothing. You know

02:14:29.810 --> 02:14:33.550
what it'll do? Eventually he lost. I'm in your

02:14:33.550 --> 02:14:36.029
wife's DMs. You know what they'll get us is the

02:14:36.029 --> 02:14:38.170
gout. The gout's coming for us. When I heard

02:14:38.170 --> 02:14:41.130
the... Gout's for fatties, isn't it? No, no.

02:14:41.170 --> 02:14:43.789
Kyle Kinane has the gout. He was a fatty for

02:14:43.789 --> 02:14:47.619
a while. No. I think it's a booze and beer. That's

02:14:47.619 --> 02:14:49.819
it? It's a booze and thing. Barbecue and beer?

02:14:49.840 --> 02:14:52.439
What causes gout? Meat? It's the king's disease.

02:14:52.520 --> 02:14:54.960
Yeah. Meat? But what is the real cause? Fucking

02:14:54.960 --> 02:14:57.079
red meat? This sounds like nonsense. No, it's

02:14:57.079 --> 02:15:00.619
like - Literally all I eat. Uh -oh. I eat 90

02:15:00.619 --> 02:15:02.420
% red meat. Wait, wait, wait. Are you sober?

02:15:02.659 --> 02:15:07.069
Yeah. Dog for three months. Sober from alcohol.

02:15:07.310 --> 02:15:10.130
Yeah. Be clear. And according to the law, everything

02:15:10.130 --> 02:15:12.550
else. And nothing else today. Gout, known as

02:15:12.550 --> 02:15:14.449
disease of kings, a type of arthritis characterized

02:15:14.449 --> 02:15:16.590
by painful swelling and inflammation of the joints.

02:15:16.890 --> 02:15:19.909
Often the big toe. Ow. Caused by a buildup of

02:15:19.909 --> 02:15:22.170
uric acid in the body, leading to formation of

02:15:22.170 --> 02:15:27.460
urate crystals in the joints. Link to lavish

02:15:27.460 --> 02:15:29.880
diets and alcohol consumption of wealthy individuals,

02:15:30.039 --> 02:15:32.739
including royalty. I guarantee you it's the alcohol.

02:15:33.159 --> 02:15:35.779
And not moving. Yeah, it has nothing to do with

02:15:35.779 --> 02:15:37.899
me. Tell you what, the first time I saw that

02:15:37.899 --> 02:15:41.800
description, I went, ooh. That's the one that's

02:15:41.800 --> 02:15:44.680
going to get it right. It's coming to crystallize

02:15:44.680 --> 02:15:47.579
my joints. Wait, are you going to church, too,

02:15:47.640 --> 02:15:49.840
or is that bullshit? I have been to church. Oh,

02:15:50.000 --> 02:15:52.560
fuck. Why? Have you ever been to church before?

02:15:52.970 --> 02:15:55.010
I've been. It's actually very nice. They're all

02:15:55.010 --> 02:15:56.970
just trying to be better people. It's a good

02:15:56.970 --> 02:15:58.210
vibe. Why don't you go to a Catholic church?

02:15:58.989 --> 02:16:02.529
I tried that. I did that. I went to St. Pat's

02:16:02.529 --> 02:16:05.329
in New York. That's a beautiful place. So nice.

02:16:05.590 --> 02:16:08.770
Some guy gave me a rosary. I keep it. If it's

02:16:08.770 --> 02:16:11.130
not Catholic, which one is it? It's just a Christian

02:16:11.130 --> 02:16:13.090
church. A non -denominational Christian. Yeah,

02:16:13.170 --> 02:16:16.149
all this fucking Jewish. Joel Osteen shit? Yeah,

02:16:16.210 --> 02:16:19.280
I'm just giving all my money to Osteen. Animal

02:16:19.280 --> 02:16:21.600
proteins such as pork, red meat, shellfish, and

02:16:21.600 --> 02:16:23.739
oily fish are high in purines, making individuals

02:16:23.739 --> 02:16:27.779
susceptible to gas. There you go. Huh. No shellfish.

02:16:27.800 --> 02:16:30.180
Additionally, alcohol reduces the metabolism

02:16:30.180 --> 02:16:32.360
of uric acid and enhances the disease condition.

02:16:33.059 --> 02:16:35.659
Oh. That's fucked, right? I guarantee it's the

02:16:35.659 --> 02:16:37.579
alcohol. And we're getting a steak tonight. You

02:16:37.579 --> 02:16:39.200
have to drink it all day. The alcohol fucking

02:16:39.200 --> 02:16:42.040
lobby probably said, yeah, it's the meat. It's

02:16:42.040 --> 02:16:43.719
the meat, bro. It's just like they did with sugar.

02:16:43.979 --> 02:16:47.219
You know? The sugar lobby's like, actually. It's

02:16:47.219 --> 02:16:50.299
not us. It's saturated fat that's causing all

02:16:50.299 --> 02:16:53.500
these heart attacks to happen. Oh, yeah. Yeah,

02:16:53.559 --> 02:16:55.840
it's a long COVID. It has nothing to do with

02:16:55.840 --> 02:17:00.340
us. It has nothing to do with us. It's long COVID.

02:17:00.780 --> 02:17:03.399
You're getting cancer because of COVID. It's

02:17:03.399 --> 02:17:05.120
all the COVID gotcha. That was a new strain.

02:17:05.340 --> 02:17:09.260
Did you see that? Of what? COVID. Come on. You're

02:17:09.260 --> 02:17:11.399
lying. It's a new one coming out of China. It's

02:17:11.399 --> 02:17:12.420
always a new strain. You're lying. It's a new

02:17:12.420 --> 02:17:15.520
release. It's a mixtape. Yeah. It's the Beastie

02:17:15.520 --> 02:17:18.659
Boys lost mixtape to Rick Rubin. COVID hasn't

02:17:18.659 --> 02:17:21.440
been good since 2019, dude. They fell off. They

02:17:21.440 --> 02:17:23.649
got a new producer. Oh, really? They got a new

02:17:23.649 --> 02:17:26.549
producer with better beats. Yeah. This one gets

02:17:26.549 --> 02:17:29.090
the kids. This one only gets kids. It's catchy.

02:17:29.190 --> 02:17:31.850
It's catchy with the kids. I had to call it the

02:17:31.850 --> 02:17:34.549
Fauci. Kids is a big one. They always threw kids

02:17:34.549 --> 02:17:36.170
at you to make you like, oh, I guess we have

02:17:36.170 --> 02:17:37.670
to fucking take care. And old people. Yeah, I

02:17:37.670 --> 02:17:39.190
got to take care of the old people. What about

02:17:39.190 --> 02:17:41.690
grandma? What about grandma? I saw someone on

02:17:41.690 --> 02:17:43.350
Twitter saying, you literally killed my mother

02:17:43.350 --> 02:17:44.829
to people who are out there doing shows. Less

02:17:44.829 --> 02:17:46.770
than 20. Oh, less than 20. All right. We're back,

02:17:47.030 --> 02:17:49.149
dude. 20 cases of the new variant had reported

02:17:49.149 --> 02:17:52.719
in the US. That's how it is. happened in seattle

02:17:52.719 --> 02:17:54.659
remember you heard about the guys or portland

02:17:54.659 --> 02:17:56.860
where was it the first case in the united states

02:17:56.860 --> 02:17:58.920
of what somewhere in the northwest someone had

02:17:58.920 --> 02:18:01.979
come over from china they gave the wuhan they

02:18:01.979 --> 02:18:03.879
they gave it over there and that's the first

02:18:03.879 --> 02:18:06.559
cases and And those people don't got no sunlight.

02:18:06.879 --> 02:18:09.399
So they got zero vitamin D. They're susceptible.

02:18:09.760 --> 02:18:12.420
I hope that monkey pox joke worked in your storytelling

02:18:12.420 --> 02:18:14.719
show. Look at this. Look how they describe this.

02:18:14.780 --> 02:18:16.280
Look how they describe this. It was actually

02:18:16.280 --> 02:18:18.079
really funny. We were all talking about it afterwards.

02:18:18.559 --> 02:18:21.059
It was like, it's so silly. Describe this as

02:18:21.059 --> 02:18:23.260
a slightly upgraded version. I forgot about it.

02:18:23.299 --> 02:18:25.799
That was really funny. See? Upgraded. A slightly

02:18:25.799 --> 02:18:28.120
upgraded version of the variant that's prominent

02:18:28.120 --> 02:18:32.459
right now. Oh, God. Subhash Verma. Somebody at

02:18:32.459 --> 02:18:33.659
the Mothership .com. That's a person who's bred

02:18:33.659 --> 02:18:36.239
to be a scientist. Ron got the COVID recently.

02:18:36.500 --> 02:18:38.659
He got the COVID and it whacked him for like

02:18:38.659 --> 02:18:41.360
a week. Really? A week? Yeah. He fucking smokes

02:18:41.360 --> 02:18:44.959
20 cigars a day. He just hurls cigars. He got

02:18:44.959 --> 02:18:49.420
the vax too. He got the jab. Thank God. It would

02:18:49.420 --> 02:18:53.719
have been way worse for him. Isn't that a funny

02:18:53.719 --> 02:18:57.280
thing? It could have been worse. My sister flipped

02:18:57.280 --> 02:18:59.159
her car once when she was in high school and

02:18:59.159 --> 02:19:02.500
she was totally fine. Total of the car, the cigarette

02:19:02.500 --> 02:19:04.680
lighter was the only thing salvageable. She was

02:19:04.680 --> 02:19:06.959
fine. Wasn't wearing a seatbelt. So she was on

02:19:06.959 --> 02:19:08.840
the roof of the car. And we're all like, thank

02:19:08.840 --> 02:19:10.120
God you weren't wearing a seatbelt or it could

02:19:10.120 --> 02:19:13.260
have been worse. That's what they always say.

02:19:13.500 --> 02:19:15.079
Well, you ever see guys get flown out of the

02:19:15.079 --> 02:19:17.420
car and they live? And the car flips 30 fucking

02:19:17.420 --> 02:19:19.180
times and they live because they got thrown in

02:19:19.180 --> 02:19:20.659
the wreckage? Oh, never heard of that. Isn't

02:19:20.659 --> 02:19:23.860
that a saying, too? Like an urban myth, at least,

02:19:23.860 --> 02:19:28.420
that if you're like... You get an accident, you're

02:19:28.420 --> 02:19:32.280
like relaxed. I've heard that. Keep your drinkin'.

02:19:32.280 --> 02:19:35.139
I've heard that. It's the same thing as people

02:19:35.139 --> 02:19:37.500
falling. Oh, there was somebody on This Is Not

02:19:37.500 --> 02:19:40.040
Happening, this fucking Irish Chicago guy, I

02:19:40.040 --> 02:19:41.739
forget his name, Sullivan something, but he was

02:19:41.739 --> 02:19:42.780
listening to Huey Lewis and they just walked

02:19:42.780 --> 02:19:45.799
off a building. And the nurse was like, the nurse

02:19:45.799 --> 02:19:47.739
was like, the only thing that saved you is...

02:19:47.959 --> 02:19:49.799
Did you not know you were falling the entire

02:19:49.799 --> 02:19:58.579
time? Because I was just walking. Oh my God.

02:20:00.940 --> 02:20:03.399
Damn. Oh my God. All right, all right. Let's

02:20:03.399 --> 02:20:05.360
bong a fucking beer. Let's bong. There you go.

02:20:05.360 --> 02:20:07.760
It's about fucking time. I'm feeling these envies,

02:20:07.760 --> 02:20:11.719
though. And the yawns. The only reason I stopped

02:20:11.719 --> 02:20:15.360
the booze is because I wanted to see what it

02:20:15.360 --> 02:20:17.000
would be like to have no booze for a long period

02:20:17.000 --> 02:20:19.760
of time. And it's a lot better. You feel a lot

02:20:19.760 --> 02:20:21.079
better. Don't you get bored, though, at night?

02:20:21.360 --> 02:20:24.360
No, I thought I would. That's the thing. I have

02:20:24.360 --> 02:20:26.760
fun doing stand -up. I have fun hanging out in

02:20:26.760 --> 02:20:29.139
the green room. Yeah. But you're also not, like,

02:20:29.180 --> 02:20:35.110
action. Well, when it comes to sobriety. No booze.

02:20:35.229 --> 02:20:38.030
Yeah, Diaz did that once at the improv. Shut

02:20:38.030 --> 02:20:39.889
up, Jamie. It's still cold, dude. He goes, I

02:20:39.889 --> 02:20:41.729
stopped smoking weed and everyone booed. He goes,

02:20:41.809 --> 02:20:43.629
oh, I mean, I'm still doing vapes and stuff.

02:20:43.909 --> 02:20:46.549
I'd be like, oh, all right. He goes, no, I just

02:20:46.549 --> 02:20:48.510
hurt my throat. What flipped you? What was the

02:20:48.510 --> 02:20:50.729
final switch? Well, I wanted to try it. You told

02:20:50.729 --> 02:20:52.809
me to fall down. Well, I just got tired of fucking

02:20:52.809 --> 02:20:55.329
feeling like shit when I would work out the next

02:20:55.329 --> 02:20:57.590
day. The hangovers are real later. It's real.

02:20:57.930 --> 02:21:00.629
It takes a man out of you. You're just tired

02:21:00.629 --> 02:21:03.229
all the time. It beats you down. And if I was

02:21:03.229 --> 02:21:05.110
doing three nights in a week at the club. Hold

02:21:05.110 --> 02:21:07.670
on, let me bong this beer. Yeah, exactly. Bye,

02:21:07.709 --> 02:21:11.909
Bodega Cat. He's got his 29 -year -old metabolism.

02:21:14.459 --> 02:21:16.719
So cold. You'll be back. You'll be back. You

02:21:16.719 --> 02:21:18.959
think so? Yeah. That's a supportive friend. Yeah.

02:21:19.500 --> 02:21:22.120
You didn't have a fucking problem. We're saying

02:21:22.120 --> 02:21:23.799
we don't judge you for your current situation.

02:21:24.420 --> 02:21:25.700
Thank you. But we would love to have you back.

02:21:25.920 --> 02:21:27.799
It's just one of those things where you stop

02:21:27.799 --> 02:21:29.200
doing it, and you're like, oh, I feel so much

02:21:29.200 --> 02:21:30.860
better. Why was I doing that? It's also like,

02:21:30.899 --> 02:21:33.379
at this point, like, so don't drink. See, I have

02:21:33.379 --> 02:21:36.200
a different thing. I'll go like four or five

02:21:36.200 --> 02:21:39.239
days. Typically, I try to get four or five days

02:21:39.239 --> 02:21:44.930
off. By day five, I'm going, let's go. I know.

02:21:45.309 --> 02:21:49.450
Oh, I'm getting fucking wrecked. Same. Same thing.

02:21:50.010 --> 02:21:51.649
It's not even like. Yeah, you can't just have

02:21:51.649 --> 02:21:53.870
all of a beer. And then you regret it. No, no.

02:21:53.870 --> 02:21:55.750
You regret it the next day, but you're like.

02:21:55.750 --> 02:21:57.030
Well, the next day you go, fucking, I already

02:21:57.030 --> 02:21:58.909
threw away those five days. Let's keep going.

02:21:59.030 --> 02:22:01.930
Fucking wreck it. Regret it. Until the wheels

02:22:01.930 --> 02:22:04.389
fall off. Look, I had a good time drinking. Don't

02:22:04.389 --> 02:22:06.569
get me wrong. I like it. Yeah. Oh, it's fun.

02:22:06.569 --> 02:22:07.750
It's just, I don't like what it does to your

02:22:07.750 --> 02:22:10.399
body. I mean. It's always done that. What did

02:22:10.399 --> 02:22:12.420
someone say? Someone had a great statement that

02:22:12.420 --> 02:22:15.940
it's like you're paying for tomorrow at a high

02:22:15.940 --> 02:22:17.239
interest rate today. I think I was listening

02:22:17.239 --> 02:22:20.219
to your podcast. I would gladly pay you tomorrow

02:22:20.219 --> 02:22:24.000
for one hamburger today. That guy. The Popeye

02:22:24.000 --> 02:22:27.120
guy. The guy was addicted to hamburgers. He had

02:22:27.120 --> 02:22:29.200
no money. He never had money. Winnie, Wimpy.

02:22:29.280 --> 02:22:32.200
Yeah, Wimpy. Who the fuck is this? Wimpy's Burgers.

02:22:32.239 --> 02:22:34.200
Oh, Wimpy's big. He's just a guy addicted to

02:22:34.200 --> 02:22:39.350
burgers? Yeah. He was a comic. He died. He died

02:22:39.350 --> 02:22:43.229
for burgers? Yeah, five guys killed him. Fucking

02:22:43.229 --> 02:22:46.649
assholes. I know. Bro, those old cartoons were

02:22:46.649 --> 02:22:49.190
crazy. Oh, don't get me started on the racist

02:22:49.190 --> 02:22:51.889
ones. Oh, they're all racist. I will gladly pay

02:22:51.889 --> 02:22:54.090
you Tuesday for a hamburger today. That's it.

02:22:54.229 --> 02:22:56.690
I just wanted burgers. Did you ever see the stories

02:22:56.690 --> 02:23:00.270
of Blow on the set of Popeye? Huh? Blow on the

02:23:00.270 --> 02:23:02.629
set of Popeye. Like the movie Popeye? Yeah, because

02:23:02.629 --> 02:23:04.770
they were shooting in Malta. They were shooting

02:23:04.770 --> 02:23:06.250
in Malta so they could be away from the studios.

02:23:06.430 --> 02:23:08.649
And they would send film cams back. And they'd

02:23:08.649 --> 02:23:10.770
send the empty film cams back full of cocaine

02:23:10.770 --> 02:23:13.670
for the set. Because they wouldn't check through

02:23:13.670 --> 02:23:16.709
the film cams. Oh, my God. That's so crazy. When

02:23:16.709 --> 02:23:19.170
Popeye came to Malta, the film set was full of

02:23:19.170 --> 02:23:21.270
cocaine. They had to be like, we're going to

02:23:21.270 --> 02:23:23.430
do something wild. Of course. He's not even in

02:23:23.430 --> 02:23:27.229
character. He's coked up. He's got one eye closed.

02:23:27.329 --> 02:23:30.229
That's funny. I've made that face. Every single

02:23:30.229 --> 02:23:32.729
time I've ever done cocaine, I go. You couldn't

02:23:32.729 --> 02:23:34.629
escape it. They were actually shipping film cans

02:23:34.629 --> 02:23:37.110
at the time. Film cans would be sent back to

02:23:37.110 --> 02:23:39.049
L .A. for daily processing. This was shot in

02:23:39.049 --> 02:23:41.510
Malta. And we found out the film cans were actually

02:23:41.510 --> 02:23:43.590
being used to ship cocaine back and forth to

02:23:43.590 --> 02:23:46.190
this set. Everyone was stoned. I don't know what

02:23:46.190 --> 02:23:47.809
they're saying. Stoned. What a lame way to talk

02:23:47.809 --> 02:23:50.520
about blown out. Dorks. And what a bunch of dorks.

02:23:50.540 --> 02:23:53.239
Dorks. It makes sense. Shelley Duvall, she went

02:23:53.239 --> 02:23:55.500
through that and The Shining. How'd that lady

02:23:55.500 --> 02:23:57.959
survive? Well, have you seen her now? She died.

02:23:58.280 --> 02:24:02.360
Oh, she did? Yeah. She died? Wait, she died and

02:24:02.360 --> 02:24:03.600
then Mark, you were saying, what were you saying?

02:24:03.680 --> 02:24:05.940
She was ugly before she died? Is that what you

02:24:05.940 --> 02:24:11.180
were saying? Son of a bitch. How many memes are

02:24:11.180 --> 02:24:13.260
the fucking Jack Nicholson with the axe coming

02:24:13.260 --> 02:24:17.579
through the wall? Like inclusivity and then trans

02:24:17.579 --> 02:24:21.120
women on dating apps. I think I said this that

02:24:21.120 --> 02:24:23.399
way. It was on the thread. There's so many of

02:24:23.399 --> 02:24:25.780
those. Like that one scene with Shelley Duvall

02:24:25.780 --> 02:24:27.520
in the bathroom when the axe is coming through.

02:24:28.000 --> 02:24:31.520
Here's Johnny. That fucking movie was crazy.

02:24:31.819 --> 02:24:34.540
Slow build if you rewatch it. Slow build. It's

02:24:34.540 --> 02:24:36.860
really nice. It's great. It's a really good movie

02:24:36.860 --> 02:24:38.739
to watch. You know what's crazy? Aesthetically

02:24:38.739 --> 02:24:40.700
pleasing. Stephen King didn't like it. Kubrick.

02:24:41.770 --> 02:24:43.049
King didn't like that version of it. Stephen

02:24:43.049 --> 02:24:46.510
King doesn't like anything cool. He likes Salem's

02:24:46.510 --> 02:24:49.690
Lot. Tough follow on Twitter. He is mean. He

02:24:49.690 --> 02:24:52.389
hates the coolest shit, dude. Yeah, it's fun.

02:24:52.690 --> 02:24:55.610
He's zigging everybody. Well, he got hit by a

02:24:55.610 --> 02:24:59.069
bus. Did he? He got hit by a guy driving a fucking

02:24:59.069 --> 02:25:01.649
truck, not paying attention. And he was walking

02:25:01.649 --> 02:25:03.569
on the side of the road, and he got clipped and

02:25:03.569 --> 02:25:06.989
broke every bone in his body. Whoa! I'm not laughing

02:25:06.989 --> 02:25:09.069
at that. It's just a funny way. Oh, he was hospitalized

02:25:09.069 --> 02:25:12.010
for a long time. He got clipped. He got really

02:25:12.010 --> 02:25:15.270
broken apart. An older man, you know, not like

02:25:15.270 --> 02:25:17.850
as a young guy where he maybe kind of recovered.

02:25:18.250 --> 02:25:20.489
How hot is it in here? Not hot at all. It's so

02:25:20.489 --> 02:25:23.389
hot. It's Jamie's fault. It's America. Is it

02:25:23.389 --> 02:25:26.950
not hot? 72? It's you, bro. 72 is a little hot.

02:25:26.989 --> 02:25:30.969
It's you. It's you. 72 is a little crazy. You

02:25:30.969 --> 02:25:33.870
all right, Ari? No, he met the devil. 69. He

02:25:33.870 --> 02:25:37.959
met the devil. Oh, you had it set at 72, Jamie?

02:25:39.079 --> 02:25:42.059
That's unforgivable. What are you, a girl? You're

02:25:42.059 --> 02:25:44.520
riding, Jamie. Girls like it warm. They like

02:25:44.520 --> 02:25:46.899
it warm? Yes. Oh, yeah. They love it warm. If

02:25:46.899 --> 02:25:49.360
it's up to a girl, she'll go 75. Whoa, easy.

02:25:49.659 --> 02:25:51.399
Hey, Bert Kreischer's going to sue you. I'm legitimately

02:25:51.399 --> 02:25:53.659
hot. Bert Kreischer's going to sue you. I wish

02:25:53.659 --> 02:25:57.340
you weren't doing that. That is a bad look. Auschwitz,

02:25:57.340 --> 02:26:03.040
2025. He did that for the thing. It was a good

02:26:03.040 --> 02:26:05.500
bit. For the survivors? It was not a bit. I'm

02:26:05.500 --> 02:26:07.459
legitimately, I was schvitzing in here. I was

02:26:07.459 --> 02:26:10.180
schvitzing too, dude. You feel better now? That'll

02:26:10.180 --> 02:26:12.379
be a meme. You shirtless doing that? Well, I

02:26:12.379 --> 02:26:15.200
am hot. Jamie. I mean, it's obviously the stuff.

02:26:15.219 --> 02:26:17.139
Jamie, can you bring up Michigan taking the field

02:26:17.139 --> 02:26:18.719
against Ohio State? I think Joe's actually going

02:26:18.719 --> 02:26:19.940
to like him, and I think he's going to respect

02:26:19.940 --> 02:26:22.299
football when he sees it. Let's go. Joe does

02:26:22.299 --> 02:26:23.940
not respect football. Let's go. I do respect

02:26:23.940 --> 02:26:25.239
football. That's not true at all. He actually

02:26:25.239 --> 02:26:26.440
has recently come around. I started watching

02:26:26.440 --> 02:26:29.430
football. I don't approve of the CTE. Yeah, it's

02:26:29.430 --> 02:26:33.270
not good. Horrible. Who moves on the CTE? I know.

02:26:33.469 --> 02:26:38.829
Listen. I'm a referee. I've got it myself. You're

02:26:38.829 --> 02:26:41.069
both fucking off. I've got to touch a CTE myself

02:26:41.069 --> 02:26:45.149
for sure. You don't escape it. They tested high

02:26:45.149 --> 02:26:47.170
school kids that have CTE. Yeah, I'm a little

02:26:47.170 --> 02:26:50.190
worried. Yeah, you should be worried. You've

02:26:50.190 --> 02:26:52.870
got to touch. A touch is good. A little touch

02:26:52.870 --> 02:26:54.389
makes you a little reckless, a little funny,

02:26:54.469 --> 02:26:56.709
a little crazy. I got touched. I got touched.

02:26:57.250 --> 02:26:59.010
Jamo, I know what you're gonna do because I know

02:26:59.010 --> 02:27:01.629
you're a nasty little fuck. I know what you're

02:27:01.629 --> 02:27:07.350
gonna do. Oh, you knew. Gotta make a tackle.

02:27:07.610 --> 02:27:10.790
Damn it. He got you there. I knew he was gonna

02:27:10.790 --> 02:27:15.170
do it, dude. Does that hurt you? That actually

02:27:15.170 --> 02:27:17.430
did hurt. That hurts you? What a catch, though.

02:27:17.510 --> 02:27:19.350
Look at that catch. That's fucking beautiful.

02:27:19.350 --> 02:27:20.930
Because that was a throw down. How'd you get

02:27:20.930 --> 02:27:22.670
over it, you fucking little nasty little fuck?

02:27:23.470 --> 02:27:27.510
On an airplane. He was ready. He had that geared

02:27:27.510 --> 02:27:32.209
up. It looks like a movie. What I sent Jamie

02:27:32.209 --> 02:27:35.729
yesterday. You want to get mad? Let's get mad.

02:27:36.229 --> 02:27:42.969
The LA Fire Fund. They had this big show. Big

02:27:42.969 --> 02:27:45.690
fundraiser. They raised $100 million. Wait until

02:27:45.690 --> 02:27:51.159
you find out where the money went. James Lee

02:27:51.159 --> 02:27:54.280
did a thing about it on Instagram. Yeah, and

02:27:54.280 --> 02:27:55.500
there's been articles written about it where

02:27:55.500 --> 02:27:58.200
people are like, where's the money? The way they

02:27:58.200 --> 02:28:00.979
distribute the money is so crazy. You're going

02:28:00.979 --> 02:28:02.799
to read this and you're never going to want to

02:28:02.799 --> 02:28:04.420
donate to charity again because you find out

02:28:04.420 --> 02:28:08.239
what a lot of these non -profits are really about.

02:28:08.940 --> 02:28:11.180
The lady running the charity that got the money

02:28:11.180 --> 02:28:13.899
makes almost a million dollars a year. BLM, Me

02:28:13.899 --> 02:28:17.719
Too, this. Same lady? No, no, no. Everyone's

02:28:17.719 --> 02:28:19.159
like, well, let me get a taste. Same fucking

02:28:19.159 --> 02:28:22.620
lady. She's killing it. Listen to this. I watched

02:28:22.620 --> 02:28:25.180
this, Todd. I looked into it a little bit. We'll

02:28:25.180 --> 02:28:27.959
watch it, but. What they say, though, is that

02:28:27.959 --> 02:28:30.079
within the first month they distributed half

02:28:30.079 --> 02:28:31.520
of that money. Hold on. Before you press play

02:28:31.520 --> 02:28:35.159
on that. That guy with the fishing hat is not

02:28:35.159 --> 02:28:37.639
a reliable news source. My number one source

02:28:37.639 --> 02:28:42.899
of news. And then he's trying to blame the Annenberg

02:28:42.899 --> 02:28:45.540
Foundation. That is one of the richest fucking

02:28:45.540 --> 02:28:48.360
families in California. They're worth so much

02:28:48.360 --> 02:28:51.229
fucking money. I wonder how they got money. I

02:28:51.229 --> 02:28:54.649
mean, it doesn't matter. It's like liberal ass.

02:28:54.690 --> 02:28:58.270
Jamie, I'm just playing the video. How about

02:28:58.270 --> 02:28:59.770
play the video and let everybody figure it out

02:28:59.770 --> 02:29:02.409
for themselves? Let's platform this guy. Yeah.

02:29:02.450 --> 02:29:06.479
Play liberal. Jesus. might be one of the biggest

02:29:06.479 --> 02:29:09.120
scams in disaster fundraising history. And as

02:29:09.120 --> 02:29:11.379
usual, I'm bringing the receipts. First off,

02:29:11.420 --> 02:29:13.780
according to reports, the fire aid benefit concerts

02:29:13.780 --> 02:29:17.579
raised over $100 million, supposedly for LA fire

02:29:17.579 --> 02:29:20.020
victims. But since then, residents have been

02:29:20.020 --> 02:29:23.209
asking, where did all the money go? 100 million

02:29:23.209 --> 02:29:27.690
dollars raised for uh residents community things

02:29:27.690 --> 02:29:30.170
and funds that are supposed to help with policies

02:29:30.170 --> 02:29:36.969
and there's no strong account let's figure this

02:29:36.969 --> 02:29:40.069
out according to the fire aid website it says

02:29:40.069 --> 02:29:42.629
that all direct donations will be distributed

02:29:42.629 --> 02:29:45.270
under the advisement of the annenberg foundation

02:29:46.059 --> 02:29:48.540
According to the IRS 990 form, the Annenberg

02:29:48.540 --> 02:29:52.020
Foundation is a 501c3 based in Konchakon, Pennsylvania.

02:29:52.020 --> 02:29:55.639
I live there. Konchi, baby. One massive red flag

02:29:55.639 --> 02:29:59.360
right away is that only 33 % of their annual

02:29:59.360 --> 02:30:02.420
expenses goes towards actual charity programs.

02:30:02.989 --> 02:30:05.690
The rest goes to administrative costs like executive

02:30:05.690 --> 02:30:07.930
compensation. If you look at the numbers, they

02:30:07.930 --> 02:30:09.770
treat you pretty good over there, starting with

02:30:09.770 --> 02:30:13.129
top dog Cynthia Kennard, who's making three quarters

02:30:13.129 --> 02:30:16.370
of a million dollars, plus another six figures

02:30:16.370 --> 02:30:18.629
in bonuses. She started the fire. Basically,

02:30:18.670 --> 02:30:21.569
almost seven figures just for one person there.

02:30:21.690 --> 02:30:24.809
Here is Cynthia, a .k .a. Cinny, hanging out

02:30:24.809 --> 02:30:27.450
with Gavin Newsom, discussing or strategizing

02:30:27.450 --> 02:30:29.489
about things like how to solve them. I would.

02:30:30.590 --> 02:30:34.239
Both of them, six figures. Anyway, just to give

02:30:34.239 --> 02:30:36.340
you a point of comparison with another nonprofit,

02:30:36.700 --> 02:30:39.299
Doctors Without Borders, they spend almost 90

02:30:39.299 --> 02:30:42.719
% of their money on actual programs versus less

02:30:42.719 --> 02:30:46.040
than 1 % on administrative costs. Local journalists

02:30:46.040 --> 02:30:48.299
have also been asking, where's the money? They

02:30:48.299 --> 02:30:50.639
found, quote, the FireAid website names only

02:30:50.639 --> 02:30:53.319
three Palisades organizations that receive grants,

02:30:53.459 --> 02:30:56.879
among almost 120 organizations listed as receiving

02:30:56.879 --> 02:30:58.239
grants. A couple of true ones. No, no, no. You

02:30:58.239 --> 02:30:59.940
see who got the money? A couple of true ones.

02:30:59.940 --> 02:31:01.760
Hold on. Let me read it. Why'd you stop? Because

02:31:01.760 --> 02:31:04.040
he's focused on the Palisades. Just play it.

02:31:04.079 --> 02:31:07.700
Just play it. We'll talk later. Let's Israel.

02:31:10.280 --> 02:31:23.200
Listen, scorpions sting. Well, it's customer

02:31:23.200 --> 02:31:28.920
service. No last name. He was never found. This

02:31:28.920 --> 02:31:31.180
is just crazy. So essentially what they're doing

02:31:31.180 --> 02:31:34.059
is taking the $100 million, then paying themselves

02:31:34.059 --> 02:31:36.840
roughly 70 % of it. Wow. And with the rest of

02:31:36.840 --> 02:31:38.860
the money, they're dishing out to various other

02:31:38.860 --> 02:31:41.239
nonprofits with their own administrative expenses.

02:31:41.459 --> 02:31:46.520
And that's how $100 million just ends up disappearing.

02:31:46.840 --> 02:31:52.399
Oy yi yi. Wow. Okay. I'll believe it. Maybe he's

02:31:52.399 --> 02:31:54.680
telling the truth. Maybe he's exaggerating. But

02:31:54.680 --> 02:31:56.819
at the very least, This is what the NFL does.

02:31:56.899 --> 02:31:59.819
The NFL does the cancer research. 70 % goes to

02:31:59.819 --> 02:32:02.059
administration. 30 % goes to the actual cause.

02:32:02.239 --> 02:32:05.280
These nonprofits. That's crazy. Yeah. They're

02:32:05.280 --> 02:32:07.879
for their own profit. Well, it's just a loophole.

02:32:07.920 --> 02:32:10.239
It's a loophole. They found a loophole to make

02:32:10.239 --> 02:32:12.879
a great living by being virtuous. And then they

02:32:12.879 --> 02:32:15.059
see a fire. They're like, sick, we're all getting

02:32:15.059 --> 02:32:18.100
raises. But all we're saying, Jamie, is that

02:32:18.100 --> 02:32:21.979
this guy is saying that 70 % traditionally goes

02:32:21.979 --> 02:32:25.180
to administrative costs. 30 % goes to the actual

02:32:25.180 --> 02:32:27.379
cause. Right. That's for all charities. Right.

02:32:28.059 --> 02:32:29.959
That is for all charities. For a lot of charities,

02:32:30.059 --> 02:32:31.879
but not Doctors Without Borders, which is one

02:32:31.879 --> 02:32:33.200
of the things that he brought up. He just picked

02:32:33.200 --> 02:32:36.180
one, though. He's comparing you with this stuff.

02:32:36.219 --> 02:32:38.500
He's like, I'll pick a charity. He picked probably

02:32:38.500 --> 02:32:40.399
one of the worst ones. We've gone over the charity

02:32:40.399 --> 02:32:42.620
stuff many times. There's good and bad charities.

02:32:42.819 --> 02:32:45.040
There's good and bad charities. But the point

02:32:45.040 --> 02:32:48.959
is that this $100 million you're saying was distributed

02:32:48.959 --> 02:32:51.180
to a bunch of different places, not just Pacific

02:32:51.180 --> 02:32:53.940
Palisades. Looking into it, $100 million was

02:32:53.940 --> 02:32:55.760
a number that got used in advertising to make

02:32:55.760 --> 02:32:58.690
everything look big and look good. Probably,

02:32:58.690 --> 02:33:00.809
my part I was trying to say too, assuming that

02:33:00.809 --> 02:33:02.610
it is $100 million, there's a bunch of companies

02:33:02.610 --> 02:33:04.489
and a bunch of artists that said, I'm going to

02:33:04.489 --> 02:33:05.750
pledge a million, I'm going to pledge a million.

02:33:05.930 --> 02:33:08.110
And you have to go collect it all. You don't

02:33:08.110 --> 02:33:09.549
know if they'll send it in. You know how many

02:33:09.549 --> 02:33:11.290
times I've pledged stuff? I pledged a million

02:33:11.290 --> 02:33:13.569
dollars to Notre Dame's NIL. I haven't done one

02:33:13.569 --> 02:33:15.870
single thing. Did you do it by yourself? In your

02:33:15.870 --> 02:33:18.190
apartment? No, I was at the fucking championship

02:33:18.190 --> 02:33:20.090
game watching Ohio State win, and I was going,

02:33:20.170 --> 02:33:21.889
Notre Dame needs a de -tackle. I'm going to give

02:33:21.889 --> 02:33:24.500
them a million bucks. For real? Yeah. And then

02:33:24.500 --> 02:33:26.219
they were like, hey, you want to give us that

02:33:26.219 --> 02:33:28.940
million bucks? I was like, no. I pledged. Is

02:33:28.940 --> 02:33:31.139
that legally binding? It was a pledge. J -Mo.

02:33:31.520 --> 02:33:33.639
Well, isn't that the weirdest thing about colleges?

02:33:33.899 --> 02:33:36.659
Like how much money colleges get in donations

02:33:36.659 --> 02:33:39.120
from people that are like really wealthy that

02:33:39.120 --> 02:33:40.879
used to go there? Yeah. Yeah, I didn't even go

02:33:40.879 --> 02:33:43.459
there. You didn't go there. But that's a big

02:33:43.459 --> 02:33:44.540
thing with colleges, right? I just wanted to

02:33:44.540 --> 02:33:47.299
win before my dad does. That's why these college

02:33:47.299 --> 02:33:49.280
kids are getting money now. It's kind of crazy.

02:33:49.299 --> 02:33:51.139
I talked to one at Barstool in Chicago. He played

02:33:51.139 --> 02:33:54.059
at Indiana Center. And it's like, how much? Per

02:33:54.059 --> 02:33:56.319
year, he goes, 300 grand to transfer to Indiana.

02:33:56.540 --> 02:33:58.719
Oh, that's for a year. Notre Dame's Pat Coogan.

02:33:59.180 --> 02:34:01.120
What? He transferred to Indiana. He was from

02:34:01.120 --> 02:34:03.000
Notre Dame. And it's just like, that's a good

02:34:03.000 --> 02:34:04.620
living. I don't have to go into this for my life.

02:34:04.620 --> 02:34:06.299
I'm going to take my degree and actually start

02:34:06.299 --> 02:34:06.860
a life. They should have been doing that for

02:34:06.860 --> 02:34:08.860
those kids forever. 100%. They're making money

02:34:08.860 --> 02:34:10.299
off of them forever. They're sold out stadiums.

02:34:10.379 --> 02:34:11.760
The only negative is you can't have a player

02:34:11.760 --> 02:34:14.620
for four straight years. Yeah, there just needs

02:34:14.620 --> 02:34:17.299
to be regulation on it. Because now they're letting

02:34:17.299 --> 02:34:19.420
them pay players, so now it's just the fucking

02:34:19.420 --> 02:34:22.680
Wild West. They need to do that shit for the

02:34:22.680 --> 02:34:25.239
Olympics. They've got to make a four -year pledge.

02:34:25.459 --> 02:34:28.180
Even then, the big schools are all going to get

02:34:28.180 --> 02:34:29.379
all the best players. The Olympics, they don't

02:34:29.379 --> 02:34:30.639
get nothing. The Olympics, they get nothing.

02:34:30.639 --> 02:34:33.360
They get zero. Everybody else gets rich. You're

02:34:33.360 --> 02:34:36.870
beat up by a man. That can happen. enrolled in

02:34:36.870 --> 02:34:39.010
that woman's boxing. Some broad getting teed

02:34:39.010 --> 02:34:41.549
off. You said that they were all the way to Paris

02:34:41.549 --> 02:34:43.969
and now that new info came out. What's that?

02:34:44.149 --> 02:34:45.829
I thought you were like, no, that's actually

02:34:45.829 --> 02:34:47.770
not a trans. That's a different. They were thinking,

02:34:47.850 --> 02:34:49.409
there was a lot of people that were saying that

02:34:49.409 --> 02:34:52.270
it wasn't really a man and that it was just some

02:34:52.270 --> 02:34:54.909
woman with an issue. Right. Like some sort of

02:34:54.909 --> 02:34:56.709
medical issue. The medical issue is testicles.

02:34:57.989 --> 02:35:00.090
And an XY chromosome. That is a medical issue.

02:35:00.270 --> 02:35:03.389
XY chromosome and testicles. Apparently, internal

02:35:03.389 --> 02:35:06.030
testes that don't drop. It's like a condition

02:35:06.030 --> 02:35:09.350
that some males have. Yeah, so micropenis, internal

02:35:09.350 --> 02:35:11.409
testicles. Micropenis, whatever. Whatever, bro.

02:35:11.489 --> 02:35:13.409
Call it micropenis. It's normal. It's fine, dude.

02:35:13.409 --> 02:35:15.329
It happens a lot, guys. It's fine. Come up with

02:35:15.329 --> 02:35:18.450
the pills, you scientists. Fix it. Dang, fixing

02:35:18.450 --> 02:35:20.530
shit. Except in China. They're crispering the

02:35:20.530 --> 02:35:22.909
shit out of those dicks. Make it a big, juicy

02:35:22.909 --> 02:35:25.010
dick. It's a good math guy with a big dick, dude.

02:35:25.030 --> 02:35:28.950
That's an issue. Man. Issue. Long dividing and

02:35:28.950 --> 02:35:31.510
then fucking banging your lady. Who the fuck

02:35:31.510 --> 02:35:35.069
was that guy? Oh, yeah. With CCP hat on. Show

02:35:35.069 --> 02:35:38.889
your work. Man, I got to look into this CRISPR.

02:35:38.950 --> 02:35:40.590
I never heard of it. I got to do it. Is it too

02:35:40.590 --> 02:35:42.409
late for us? I think it's too late. For now,

02:35:42.530 --> 02:35:44.329
but in the future. For us, yeah, we're fucked.

02:35:44.829 --> 02:35:46.569
But not in the future. In the future, they're

02:35:46.569 --> 02:35:47.850
going to be able to gene edit people that are

02:35:47.850 --> 02:35:49.690
alive. Right now, they're doing it to fetuses.

02:35:49.850 --> 02:35:52.170
We got to go back in time and then shoot my dad

02:35:52.170 --> 02:35:54.430
up with the stuff to get me the real shit. Viking

02:35:54.430 --> 02:35:57.489
genes. Yeah. Come back. Fuck, I wish I had. We

02:35:57.489 --> 02:35:59.389
do it to protect our parks. Four months from

02:35:59.389 --> 02:36:02.870
now, Ari's 150 pounds heavier. Hi, guys. He's

02:36:02.870 --> 02:36:06.670
just gigantic. A giant hog. He pulled the balls

02:36:06.670 --> 02:36:09.469
out last night. They don't look like they have

02:36:09.469 --> 02:36:15.250
great balls. Huge balls. A bighorn sheep. You

02:36:15.250 --> 02:36:17.329
ever see a bighorn sheep's balls? No. They're

02:36:17.329 --> 02:36:20.069
ridiculous. The first time I saw a bighorn sheep,

02:36:20.149 --> 02:36:21.790
my friend Steve Rinell was like, look at his

02:36:21.790 --> 02:36:24.250
balls. You need to look at their balls. It's

02:36:24.250 --> 02:36:26.790
extraordinary. They're like church bells. Giant

02:36:26.790 --> 02:36:31.069
fucking balls. It's like master balls. Oh my

02:36:31.069 --> 02:36:34.559
god! Oh, elephantitis. Giant sacks. Wow. They

02:36:34.559 --> 02:36:37.159
all have giant balls. Wow. Can't be running with

02:36:37.159 --> 02:36:39.159
that. Looks like a big puss. Look at him up there

02:36:39.159 --> 02:36:40.860
with his jaw. Oh, no. That one's got a problem.

02:36:41.120 --> 02:36:43.780
That's an AI. Of course, the black one. You can't

02:36:43.780 --> 02:36:45.739
tell what's AI anymore, man. You really cannot.

02:36:45.860 --> 02:36:47.799
It's over. There's no way to tell. You've got

02:36:47.799 --> 02:36:48.979
to go straight to the comments, and hopefully

02:36:48.979 --> 02:36:51.979
people pointed it out. I got tricked by one.

02:36:52.260 --> 02:36:54.079
By a sheep? I was embarrassed. What happened?

02:36:54.079 --> 02:36:56.059
You fucked it? And he's like, I'm a guy. Some

02:36:56.059 --> 02:36:59.719
fucking hot -ass sheep came to the bar. Oh, yeah.

02:37:02.670 --> 02:37:04.829
No, there was a it was a video of Trump giving

02:37:04.829 --> 02:37:08.870
a speech, but they a I'd oh, yeah And I was like

02:37:08.870 --> 02:37:11.950
no fucking way. What do you say damn it? It was

02:37:11.950 --> 02:37:13.850
not it was actually really funny It was like

02:37:13.850 --> 02:37:16.549
something about gay people. Oh, no, no, it was

02:37:16.549 --> 02:37:19.250
like really funny and it seemed like something

02:37:19.250 --> 02:37:25.329
he might say. Yeah It was close, but it took

02:37:25.329 --> 02:37:28.819
me like three minutes to be like... Three minutes

02:37:28.819 --> 02:37:30.860
is long. He wouldn't say that. He'd finish coming.

02:37:31.020 --> 02:37:34.219
But it's over now. There is no truth. There's

02:37:34.219 --> 02:37:36.440
no video. Let me hear this. I saw this yesterday.

02:37:36.659 --> 02:37:38.040
Well, I'm going to be embarrassed, but yeah,

02:37:38.139 --> 02:37:39.799
I tricked you too. Good. Taking careful note

02:37:39.799 --> 02:37:42.959
of the work of Colossa Labs, the biotech company.

02:37:43.059 --> 02:37:45.719
They're the absolute worst group of people we've

02:37:45.719 --> 02:37:47.319
got in our country, and it's not even close.

02:37:48.239 --> 02:37:50.399
I think we'd all be better off with them gone,

02:37:50.479 --> 02:37:54.590
but as I was saying, my... Administration and

02:37:54.590 --> 02:37:56.629
I have been taking careful note of the work of

02:37:56.629 --> 02:38:00.569
Colossal Labs, the biotech company that resurrected

02:38:00.569 --> 02:38:02.809
the dire wolf. If they can bring back wolves,

02:38:02.989 --> 02:38:05.290
they can bring back dinosaurs. Terrible lizard.

02:38:05.450 --> 02:38:07.389
That's what dinosaur means if you break it down.

02:38:07.670 --> 02:38:11.110
But picture this, folks. Velociraptor mounted

02:38:11.110 --> 02:38:14.569
border patrol agents. They'll rip your head clear

02:38:14.569 --> 02:38:18.309
off. Pterodactyls patrolling the skies. Velociraptors

02:38:18.309 --> 02:38:21.159
on the ground. To prevent the immigration apocalypse,

02:38:21.420 --> 02:38:23.479
we may have to counter with a dino -pocalypse,

02:38:23.639 --> 02:38:27.260
folks. It's true. I mean, it looks real. But,

02:38:27.299 --> 02:38:28.879
I mean, you watch something like that. While

02:38:28.879 --> 02:38:30.340
you're watching it, you go. He might have said

02:38:30.340 --> 02:38:32.399
that. Also, Trump's so wild, you just never know.

02:38:32.500 --> 02:38:34.659
You never know. Didn't he fucking post something

02:38:34.659 --> 02:38:36.659
the other day that Biden was assassinated and

02:38:36.659 --> 02:38:39.700
they used a clone? Whoa. God, I hope he didn't.

02:38:40.379 --> 02:38:42.780
Didn't that, like, truth social? Truth social?

02:38:42.879 --> 02:38:45.940
Didn't he? Post something like that? Damn. Some

02:38:45.940 --> 02:38:48.440
wild thing that somebody posted? Biden, this

02:38:48.440 --> 02:38:49.959
isn't even Biden. Because he had a bunch of plastic

02:38:49.959 --> 02:38:51.879
surgery. You know, his face pulled back like

02:38:51.879 --> 02:38:53.340
a lizard. Do you know what they're actually doing

02:38:53.340 --> 02:38:56.219
at the Forest Department? Every email they sent

02:38:56.219 --> 02:38:58.719
that mentions biodiversity gets bounced back.

02:38:59.299 --> 02:39:02.059
What does that mean? They are so against the

02:39:02.059 --> 02:39:05.159
word diversity that biodiversity, those emails

02:39:05.159 --> 02:39:07.479
are not allowed to be sent from company emails.

02:39:07.799 --> 02:39:10.340
Wow. Yeah. Did you see his N -word thing? That

02:39:10.340 --> 02:39:11.159
seems like a problem. You got to protect the

02:39:11.159 --> 02:39:13.120
parks. Here it goes. Trump shares. Look at this.

02:39:13.280 --> 02:39:15.059
You might actually be protecting the parks. That's

02:39:15.059 --> 02:39:17.780
crazy. Trump shares unfounded conspiracy theory

02:39:17.780 --> 02:39:21.299
claiming Biden was executed in 2020. Holy hell.

02:39:21.719 --> 02:39:24.420
Oh, who is he debating then? Who did it? Stairs?

02:39:25.100 --> 02:39:28.079
That is so ridiculous. But who is he debating?

02:39:29.459 --> 02:39:32.700
He thinks he was. What do you mean? He debated

02:39:32.700 --> 02:39:35.100
him in 2020. Oh, he debated a different guy.

02:39:35.670 --> 02:39:37.450
He said it's a clone? Yeah, not really Biden

02:39:37.450 --> 02:39:38.989
anymore. Yeah, the one he kind of lost, I bet

02:39:38.989 --> 02:39:42.489
he was like, fucking clone showed up. It doesn't

02:39:42.489 --> 02:39:44.170
seem like that. Well, there was that time that

02:39:44.170 --> 02:39:46.790
the tall Biden was at the White House. Oh, yeah.

02:39:47.010 --> 02:39:50.049
That was crazy. That was crazy. There was a Biden

02:39:50.049 --> 02:39:53.329
that was like six inches taller than Biden. And

02:39:53.329 --> 02:39:55.430
they have makeup. They can do things to people.

02:39:55.549 --> 02:39:58.209
They can make you look like Biden. Maybe not

02:39:58.209 --> 02:40:01.549
you, but like some people would not so long a

02:40:01.549 --> 02:40:05.809
face. Yeah, Barron. Was he 6 '8"? Barron would

02:40:05.809 --> 02:40:08.510
stand out. He'd be too tall. You have a long

02:40:08.510 --> 02:40:13.350
face. You have a long face. Mark Barron. Don't

02:40:13.350 --> 02:40:15.850
be depressed. Don't be sour. I know we're pulling

02:40:15.850 --> 02:40:18.370
you out. I'll never forget. But you were a great

02:40:18.370 --> 02:40:20.270
president. You were like Lincoln. This is way

02:40:20.270 --> 02:40:21.690
off topic, and you guys aren't going to think

02:40:21.690 --> 02:40:24.770
it's as funny as I do, but one time my family

02:40:24.770 --> 02:40:28.329
and I, we were out to dinner at Haas's in Mechanicsburg,

02:40:28.389 --> 02:40:31.610
and the waiter came over and goes, I got a joke

02:40:31.610 --> 02:40:33.889
for you. We were like, what is it? He's like,

02:40:34.010 --> 02:40:35.549
a horse walks into the bar, and the bartender

02:40:35.549 --> 02:40:38.649
goes, why the long face? And my family and I

02:40:38.649 --> 02:40:43.159
erupted. laughing for like 20 minutes. That's

02:40:43.159 --> 02:40:46.340
a classic. No, but it became like, we can't stop

02:40:46.340 --> 02:40:48.860
laughing about how good that waiter was. Oh,

02:40:48.940 --> 02:40:51.079
yeah. And yeah, it stuck with me my whole life.

02:40:51.100 --> 02:40:53.319
And I knew when I started telling that story,

02:40:53.420 --> 02:40:56.020
it wasn't going to be good. That's literally

02:40:56.020 --> 02:40:57.819
the joke that I said to him. I know, I know.

02:40:57.840 --> 02:41:00.379
That's what it reminded me of. Yeah. But just

02:41:00.379 --> 02:41:03.200
that whole, like, you know, when you can't stop

02:41:03.200 --> 02:41:05.040
laughing. Yeah. Pull up the video that's all

02:41:05.040 --> 02:41:08.649
Biden, Jamie. Been there. What is Hosses? It's

02:41:08.649 --> 02:41:11.430
a tough one for me. Do you like Hosses? It's

02:41:11.430 --> 02:41:14.090
like a lower level... Sizzler? Some reference

02:41:14.090 --> 02:41:16.670
I can't remember. Yeah, the wheels are off. The

02:41:16.670 --> 02:41:18.709
wheels are off, bro. Chili's? The wheels are

02:41:18.709 --> 02:41:20.629
off. I love a Chili's. Cracker Barrel, whatever.

02:41:20.670 --> 02:41:22.809
I'll go to a Chili's any day. There's a salad

02:41:22.809 --> 02:41:26.030
bar at Hoss's. Oh, hell yeah. Untouched for generations.

02:41:26.049 --> 02:41:28.270
No one touches it, but they do have nachos and

02:41:28.270 --> 02:41:30.670
melted cheese. There you go. I'm going to go

02:41:30.670 --> 02:41:32.750
to the salad bar. That's a central PA salad.

02:41:32.750 --> 02:41:34.389
Come back with melted cheese. The salad bar's

02:41:34.389 --> 02:41:36.329
got that diced ham. You know those little cubes?

02:41:36.530 --> 02:41:39.850
Yes. The Pittsburgh salad? You know what the

02:41:39.850 --> 02:41:41.709
Pittsburgh salad is? Is that where you shit on

02:41:41.709 --> 02:41:43.590
a guy's chest? It's just fries with some lettuce

02:41:43.590 --> 02:41:48.110
on top. Oh, wow. That's fun. Pittsburgh people

02:41:48.110 --> 02:41:50.350
are fat. Pittsburgh's fucking rules. That's a

02:41:50.350 --> 02:41:52.670
great city. Underrated city. Every fat city is

02:41:52.670 --> 02:41:54.829
the best city. They know how to party. I love

02:41:54.829 --> 02:41:56.909
them. What's another fat city? Cleveland. Buffalo,

02:41:57.110 --> 02:41:58.909
Cleveland. All the Great Lakes. Look at this.

02:41:58.909 --> 02:42:00.950
Look at tall Biden. Look at the size of him.

02:42:01.149 --> 02:42:05.190
That's crazy. Bro, look at the size of him. He

02:42:05.190 --> 02:42:07.069
doesn't look anything like Biden. Shane, we were

02:42:07.069 --> 02:42:09.090
there. Look how tall he is. We were right there.

02:42:09.290 --> 02:42:13.180
He's towering over his wife. Like, what is that?

02:42:13.299 --> 02:42:16.760
Wow, Biden dirty. Like, what is that? Damn. That's

02:42:16.760 --> 02:42:19.079
weird. Shannon and I went to the White House.

02:42:19.120 --> 02:42:21.700
I think there was times when he had some complications

02:42:21.700 --> 02:42:24.020
and they just brought in another guy. Yeah, I

02:42:24.020 --> 02:42:26.239
think so. Yeah. I think they've probably done

02:42:26.239 --> 02:42:31.360
that before with people. Apparently. Yeah. I

02:42:31.360 --> 02:42:33.600
mean, they should, kind of. Who was telling the

02:42:33.600 --> 02:42:35.280
story? Was it here that they were telling the

02:42:35.280 --> 02:42:38.100
story of Obama was sitting there talking to one

02:42:38.100 --> 02:42:40.479
of the people that he worked with? And then they

02:42:40.479 --> 02:42:42.959
removed the mask and he realized that the person

02:42:42.959 --> 02:42:45.620
who he was talking to was not the person he works

02:42:45.620 --> 02:42:47.239
with. And they were showing him how good the

02:42:47.239 --> 02:42:49.500
CIA masks are. Oh, it was green room conversation.

02:42:49.959 --> 02:42:51.780
Someone was explaining in the green room that

02:42:51.780 --> 02:42:53.000
they have the CIA. Sounds like it might have

02:42:53.000 --> 02:42:57.780
been Metzger. Looming over you. You don't know?

02:42:58.040 --> 02:42:59.819
You don't know? You don't know about that? You

02:42:59.819 --> 02:43:00.959
don't know about that? Throw your reference of

02:43:00.959 --> 02:43:02.700
a name you've never heard of. Like, so why do

02:43:02.700 --> 02:43:05.139
you think he went to Seattle in 2016? I'm like,

02:43:05.200 --> 02:43:07.860
who is any of these people? Bro, and they'll

02:43:07.860 --> 02:43:09.899
hit you with five more in a row before you recover

02:43:09.899 --> 02:43:11.719
from the first one. Oh, the picture you took

02:43:11.719 --> 02:43:15.500
of me. I took a picture of Ari getting trapped.

02:43:15.760 --> 02:43:18.319
Because I loved Metzger for two decades. And

02:43:18.319 --> 02:43:20.559
then she's like, I'm in it. You need a break

02:43:20.559 --> 02:43:22.260
after a while. Metzger's the best. He cornered

02:43:22.260 --> 02:43:24.360
me at Terry Black's the other day. I was in the

02:43:24.360 --> 02:43:25.239
corner. I was sitting next to Metzger. I heard

02:43:25.239 --> 02:43:26.899
he was at Terry Black's. And he was like looming

02:43:26.899 --> 02:43:28.260
over to me. And everybody else was having their

02:43:28.260 --> 02:43:30.760
own conversation. I'm like, hey! Hey! Help me!

02:43:31.399 --> 02:43:34.559
Help me! Hey! Help! He was molested with headlines.

02:43:34.799 --> 02:43:38.549
The massage. Help! Safe word. Epstein. Oh, yeah.

02:43:38.709 --> 02:43:40.950
Bro, he just hits you with like five, six conspiracies

02:43:40.950 --> 02:43:42.110
in a row that you don't know about. You don't

02:43:42.110 --> 02:43:44.149
know about that? Cleveland? 36? Casper Till?

02:43:44.350 --> 02:43:47.010
I don't know. What happened? What happened? Jesus

02:43:47.010 --> 02:43:48.149
Christ. You know, downstairs it was just an experiment

02:43:48.149 --> 02:43:50.569
gone wrong. What? I think I was a part of that

02:43:50.569 --> 02:43:54.190
program. It was the South Africans. Yeah, programs.

02:43:54.629 --> 02:43:56.530
All part of programs. That's what happens when

02:43:56.530 --> 02:43:58.450
you grow up in a cult, and you think everything's

02:43:58.450 --> 02:44:00.170
a cult when you get out. Everything's a cult.

02:44:00.250 --> 02:44:01.770
And then he starts working for Jimmy Dore, so

02:44:01.770 --> 02:44:03.750
he finds out about real conspiracies. Yeah, Matt's

02:44:03.750 --> 02:44:07.610
got his first birthday like four years ago. It's

02:44:07.610 --> 02:44:11.299
not an easy life. Those eyeballs. Enough's enough.

02:44:11.459 --> 02:44:13.319
When he looms over you with the conspiracies,

02:44:13.379 --> 02:44:15.059
it's like he's not even a real person. He's like

02:44:15.059 --> 02:44:17.360
a cartoon. Oh, yeah. He's like a guy in a movie.

02:44:17.879 --> 02:44:20.000
There's no guy really like that that just traps

02:44:20.000 --> 02:44:22.020
you and hits you with 50 conspiracies. It's him.

02:44:22.040 --> 02:44:23.979
Kurt Metzger. He'll get you. When I have him

02:44:23.979 --> 02:44:25.840
on a podcast, it's hilarious. It's just like

02:44:25.840 --> 02:44:28.879
wind him up and then hold on. The first thing

02:44:28.879 --> 02:44:30.319
you said. The first thing you said. Let's go

02:44:30.319 --> 02:44:32.940
back to that. What are you talking about? What

02:44:32.940 --> 02:44:35.899
did they do in the Pacific? Who did it? They

02:44:35.899 --> 02:44:40.370
sunk a ship? What happened? Jesus Christ. Pay

02:44:40.370 --> 02:44:42.350
that off. Pay that off. Oh, you don't know? You

02:44:42.350 --> 02:44:45.229
don't know? No, I don't know. How can you know?

02:44:45.290 --> 02:44:47.469
How do you know all these fucking things? Oh,

02:44:47.469 --> 02:44:49.850
yeah. That's it. When they put up the Epstein

02:44:49.850 --> 02:44:52.129
files, he's the guy who reads the 60 ,000 pages.

02:44:52.309 --> 02:44:54.030
Oh, yeah. Instantaneously. While he's jerking

02:44:54.030 --> 02:44:56.530
off. He's doing other things on the side. He's

02:44:56.530 --> 02:44:58.909
playing chess, jerking off, reading the stuff.

02:44:59.190 --> 02:45:01.149
It's so weird, too. He started in Black Rooms.

02:45:01.709 --> 02:45:06.229
That's crazy. Him and Big Jay. Yeah. Wow. Black

02:45:06.229 --> 02:45:08.649
Rooms will have you. You're like a shitty young

02:45:08.649 --> 02:45:13.309
comic. They love having a white guy. There's

02:45:13.309 --> 02:45:15.870
dudes that are just joke machines. Metzger's

02:45:15.870 --> 02:45:18.370
a joke machine. If you got him in a writer's

02:45:18.370 --> 02:45:20.909
room, he's a machine. Miss Pat got me a spot

02:45:20.909 --> 02:45:22.629
in Atlanta once. I was down there for something.

02:45:23.069 --> 02:45:24.909
She was like, all right, go. The show started

02:45:24.909 --> 02:45:28.590
at 8. I got there at 7 .30. Doors are locked.

02:45:29.670 --> 02:45:33.649
Until 8 .45. Then I go in. I'm like, hey, Miss

02:45:33.649 --> 02:45:36.809
Pat, we got you. The emcee does... Almost an

02:45:36.809 --> 02:45:39.870
hour. The MC did an hour? Yeah. And then he goes,

02:45:39.969 --> 02:45:44.090
oh, y 'all, Billy from Iowa. Billy from Iowa?

02:45:45.139 --> 02:45:50.000
Oh, is that me? What? A pure death. It sounds

02:45:50.000 --> 02:45:53.540
like it. Ari Shafir, Billy from Iowa. Close enough

02:45:53.540 --> 02:45:56.079
after an hour. Yeah. Eight dicks in front of

02:45:56.079 --> 02:45:58.639
my manager at the time. Oh, my God. You invited

02:45:58.639 --> 02:46:02.319
your manager to the black room? Oh, yes. Fired

02:46:02.319 --> 02:46:04.159
up, dude. This shit makes me laugh. What is it?

02:46:04.579 --> 02:46:06.579
Cameron and Mace. What were they talking about?

02:46:06.969 --> 02:46:10.370
I posted this on my story. I was a little hungover

02:46:10.370 --> 02:46:12.549
laying in bed, and this was killing me how funny

02:46:12.549 --> 02:46:20.329
this is. Can you start from the beginning? Diddy

02:46:20.329 --> 02:46:22.510
Charles, some guy named The Punisher came in

02:46:22.510 --> 02:46:27.770
here yesterday. I was watching the Diddy Charles.

02:46:27.850 --> 02:46:31.290
Some guy named The Punisher. Back in the day,

02:46:31.290 --> 02:46:55.420
he's murder. Meek Mill talking about how Suge

02:46:55.420 --> 02:46:58.680
Knight used to put handlebars on guys. No, that's

02:46:58.680 --> 02:47:01.920
horrific. Meek Mill said some crazy shit about

02:47:01.920 --> 02:47:05.120
Suge Knight. Suge Knight put handlebars on dudes.

02:47:05.379 --> 02:47:07.940
That'd be funny if he put a helmet on too. Why

02:47:07.940 --> 02:47:11.840
are they fucking each other? What's going on?

02:47:12.180 --> 02:47:16.159
They're homosexuals. Power move. Mark, I'll tell

02:47:16.159 --> 02:47:19.479
you what, I never thought of it like that. I

02:47:19.479 --> 02:47:22.559
think Ari's got it. Ray J. Oh, it's Ray J. Oh,

02:47:22.559 --> 02:47:25.219
huge Don. Okay. Why did I think it was Meek Mill?

02:47:26.139 --> 02:47:27.979
Accuses Suge Knight of sexually assaulting men

02:47:27.979 --> 02:47:32.059
behind bars. Maybe it wasn't Meek Mill. Maybe

02:47:32.059 --> 02:47:33.920
it was Ray J. That's a different video. I've

02:47:33.920 --> 02:47:35.319
seen that one. Yeah, no, no, no. It is. It's

02:47:35.319 --> 02:47:41.049
Ray J. 25 sticks of butter. Oh, Jesus. Use the

02:47:41.049 --> 02:47:47.870
butter as enol. Not margarine. Margarine's bad

02:47:47.870 --> 02:47:57.090
for you. That's so crazy. Camera on a mace. They

02:47:57.090 --> 02:47:58.930
get together and have fun. They have fun and

02:47:58.930 --> 02:48:01.739
they forget that they're on. Mike and times have

02:48:01.739 --> 02:48:03.239
changed. They don't give a fuck. They don't.

02:48:03.260 --> 02:48:05.579
He might get off. But times didn't really change.

02:48:05.920 --> 02:48:07.860
It's just like people have to hide it. And that's

02:48:07.860 --> 02:48:09.700
why people like protect our parks. Times are

02:48:09.700 --> 02:48:12.620
the same. And times definitely don't change if

02:48:12.620 --> 02:48:14.899
you're fucking black dudes from Harlem. Right.

02:48:14.959 --> 02:48:18.799
Or rappers, Cameron and Mace. Yeah. Yeah, they're

02:48:18.799 --> 02:48:20.139
like. Fucking, they can say whatever they want.

02:48:20.200 --> 02:48:21.280
Yeah, they can. They can say whatever they want.

02:48:22.920 --> 02:48:25.979
But are we going to get the dirt out of all the

02:48:25.979 --> 02:48:29.059
Diddy people? What are you doing with your chin?

02:48:29.200 --> 02:48:30.860
What the fuck are you doing with your chin? I

02:48:30.860 --> 02:48:34.379
want something concrete. Bro, listen to any story.

02:48:34.700 --> 02:48:38.239
Like J -Lo, DiCaprio, are they going to talk?

02:48:38.819 --> 02:48:42.809
Kid Cudi said... Bieber? Kid Cudi said... Puff

02:48:42.809 --> 02:48:46.030
Daddy. Burned his car. Broke into his house before

02:48:46.030 --> 02:48:49.270
Christmas and opened all the gifts for his kids.

02:48:49.309 --> 02:48:53.149
No. Really? That's like the Grinch. He called

02:48:53.149 --> 02:48:55.250
him when he was in his house. Hey, buddy, I'm

02:48:55.250 --> 02:48:57.010
in your house. Just wanted to let you know I'm

02:48:57.010 --> 02:48:57.870
in your house right now. He opened all the presents

02:48:57.870 --> 02:49:02.270
under the tree. Holy shit. That's insane. That's

02:49:02.270 --> 02:49:03.790
the funniest thing I've ever heard. That's hilarious.

02:49:04.250 --> 02:49:06.229
Yeah, that's like Ari. Ari might be a fucking

02:49:06.229 --> 02:49:09.430
white dude. That's a fucking Ari trick. You hate

02:49:09.430 --> 02:49:17.459
Christmas, you heeb. Damn, dude, I can't believe

02:49:17.459 --> 02:49:23.819
you guys killed him. Oh, Jesus. Santa, too, you

02:49:23.819 --> 02:49:26.299
would if you could. You would. If the Jews got

02:49:26.299 --> 02:49:32.399
there, you're going to burn your beak. Jamie,

02:49:32.399 --> 02:49:35.540
delete the anti -Semitism. No, keep it. It's

02:49:35.540 --> 02:49:38.479
allowed. 55 minutes out of this episode and everyone

02:49:38.479 --> 02:49:40.639
in the past. Jamie, I'm not trying to add work.

02:49:40.680 --> 02:49:44.760
I swear, brother. Sorry, J -Mo. He's very sensitive

02:49:44.760 --> 02:49:47.340
on these shows. He needs to be respected. I guess

02:49:47.340 --> 02:49:49.920
so. I respect him. J -Mo, bong a beer, brother.

02:49:50.600 --> 02:49:53.000
We'd love to have you. Are you sober, too, like

02:49:53.000 --> 02:49:55.559
Gay Rogue? You have been losing weight. You look

02:49:55.559 --> 02:49:59.139
good. You look fucking fit. Velvet. Jamie, bong

02:49:59.139 --> 02:50:03.979
one beer. bong one yeah he's actually secretly

02:50:03.979 --> 02:50:07.100
he's the best guy at bonging beers i know right

02:50:07.100 --> 02:50:09.200
he does it quietly and then he comes up here

02:50:09.200 --> 02:50:10.760
and does it and he's like yeah it was nothing

02:50:10.760 --> 02:50:14.659
luke combs luke combs no shotgun no one can fuck

02:50:14.659 --> 02:50:17.319
with yeah he does it so quick it's like it doesn't

02:50:17.319 --> 02:50:19.059
make sense yeah how are you doing that is that

02:50:19.059 --> 02:50:21.940
a magic trick then he just punches the bottom

02:50:21.940 --> 02:50:24.600
of them straight from the can in two seconds

02:50:24.600 --> 02:50:28.670
it's gone like how Calm over it. Skills. Calm

02:50:28.670 --> 02:50:32.069
over it. You can't help yourself. It's a problem.

02:50:34.250 --> 02:50:36.129
There's so many country guys I can't keep up

02:50:36.129 --> 02:50:38.829
now. Yeah, it's a big popular country. Brian,

02:50:38.950 --> 02:50:41.930
Zach. Really did blow up. Country blew up. God's

02:50:41.930 --> 02:50:44.290
country. Well, it used to be a thing that you

02:50:44.290 --> 02:50:46.370
would have to hide. People were like, what kind

02:50:46.370 --> 02:50:48.190
of music? Anything except country. Anything but

02:50:48.190 --> 02:50:49.870
country. Yes! That was the standard. That was

02:50:49.870 --> 02:50:52.610
a thing. They wouldn't mention polka. Right.

02:50:52.829 --> 02:50:54.989
Have you listened to polka? Yeah. I guess I got

02:50:54.989 --> 02:50:58.729
him. Shit rocks. Go out to Western PA. I remember

02:50:58.729 --> 02:51:00.750
I was dating this girl in the 90s. I had to turn

02:51:00.750 --> 02:51:02.750
her on to Dwight Yoakam. I'm like, you don't

02:51:02.750 --> 02:51:05.809
stop all this country shit. It's radio country.

02:51:05.909 --> 02:51:08.049
Just listen to A Thousand Miles from Nowhere.

02:51:08.129 --> 02:51:10.559
You tell me that's not a good song? You're crazy.

02:51:10.760 --> 02:51:12.680
Old country's the best. Old country rules. Oh,

02:51:12.680 --> 02:51:14.600
old country's great, but Dwight Yoakam. That's

02:51:14.600 --> 02:51:16.139
why a lot of the new guys are good. Exactly.

02:51:16.139 --> 02:51:17.979
There's a lot of guys doing old country. Old

02:51:17.979 --> 02:51:20.340
country. The Oliver guys. Guitars, Cadillacs,

02:51:20.459 --> 02:51:23.200
hillbilly music, that song. Yeah, beer, swigging,

02:51:23.299 --> 02:51:26.739
fist fighting. Zach Bryan. I mean, what did Oliver

02:51:26.739 --> 02:51:29.399
Anthony do? That was, that, I mean, what is that?

02:51:29.579 --> 02:51:33.100
Yeah. Who? Oh, yeah. Soulful. Oh, my God. Oh,

02:51:33.239 --> 02:51:35.479
my God. I mean, that is like some shit that's

02:51:35.479 --> 02:51:37.639
going to. That's going to stand the test of time,

02:51:37.680 --> 02:51:39.959
that song. Oh, yeah. That song's going to be

02:51:39.959 --> 02:51:42.420
around a long time. Fucking Beyonce's doing country.

02:51:42.500 --> 02:51:44.340
That's how popular it is. Right? Yeah. She's

02:51:44.340 --> 02:51:45.540
doing it well. Texas Hold 'em? Yeah. Pulling

02:51:45.540 --> 02:51:51.229
my mind here. She's winning awards. She's kind

02:51:51.229 --> 02:51:52.649
of turning white. Well, I think what happens

02:51:52.649 --> 02:51:56.250
is... Once Jay -Z stopped fucking her, she's

02:51:56.250 --> 02:51:57.649
like, let me go full white. She's like, come

02:51:57.649 --> 02:52:02.229
on now. She's watching her kids. Oh, Jesus. Oh,

02:52:02.250 --> 02:52:05.149
Jesus. I think what happens is the fucking country

02:52:05.149 --> 02:52:07.590
just swings one way. They want simpler times.

02:52:08.309 --> 02:52:10.590
Terrified of nuclear war. Terrified of fucking,

02:52:10.670 --> 02:52:12.229
what's going on? What are we doing with Russia?

02:52:12.430 --> 02:52:14.590
You know, it's a big one. The military enrollment

02:52:14.590 --> 02:52:17.430
went up. Oh, during Trump? I think it happened

02:52:17.430 --> 02:52:20.729
to a white commercial. A who? They put out a

02:52:20.729 --> 02:52:22.389
white guy commercial. They're trying to get the

02:52:22.389 --> 02:52:24.350
whites. Well, the whites are out there. The army's

02:52:24.350 --> 02:52:26.729
back. They're going, hey, come on, whites. Yeah.

02:52:27.350 --> 02:52:29.090
It's funny to watch the left try to get the men.

02:52:29.370 --> 02:52:31.450
You've got to fight Iran. Well, they also stopped

02:52:31.450 --> 02:52:35.430
the whole trans thing in the military. They stopped

02:52:35.430 --> 02:52:37.590
all that. What? Let them fight. They're scary.

02:52:37.930 --> 02:52:40.049
I love Dave Smith's point on that. He's like,

02:52:40.170 --> 02:52:44.020
the left is like. The left is going, no, trans

02:52:44.020 --> 02:52:45.819
people should also kill innocent people in Yemen.

02:52:46.280 --> 02:52:48.760
You guys are taking the wrong stance on this.

02:52:48.780 --> 02:52:51.200
Is that Dave Smith? Yeah. It should be don't

02:52:51.200 --> 02:52:52.979
kill random people at a wedding party. Yeah.

02:52:54.139 --> 02:52:56.819
Bro, how about when Trump tweeted out that Houthis

02:52:56.819 --> 02:52:59.100
thing? They got those guys in a circle and they

02:52:59.100 --> 02:53:01.200
blow them all up. And Trump's like, they will

02:53:01.200 --> 02:53:05.840
never bomb our fucking ships again. I don't have

02:53:05.840 --> 02:53:08.760
much advice for the Houthis other than stop fucking

02:53:08.760 --> 02:53:12.440
hanging out together. Stop the circle. Literally

02:53:12.440 --> 02:53:15.399
in a circle, they all walk to a truck. Oh, right.

02:53:15.500 --> 02:53:18.280
It's like, stop. Yeah. One at a time. One at

02:53:18.280 --> 02:53:21.219
a time. I bet they don't fade out anymore. They

02:53:21.219 --> 02:53:23.059
keep doing it. Every time I see a drone strike,

02:53:23.180 --> 02:53:25.579
it's fucking 20 dudes walking together. Well,

02:53:25.600 --> 02:53:28.399
what the anti -war people are saying is that

02:53:28.399 --> 02:53:31.959
that's a tribal ceremony, that they get together

02:53:31.959 --> 02:53:33.899
in these groups. It has nothing to do with the

02:53:33.899 --> 02:53:36.920
war. Also possible. Yeah. I didn't know those

02:53:36.920 --> 02:53:38.860
guys. Well, you can't ask questions when you're

02:53:38.860 --> 02:53:42.110
on a drone. That's a terrorist group? Yeah, you

02:53:42.110 --> 02:53:44.950
just label a terrorist. Do I get a green light?

02:53:45.010 --> 02:53:46.989
Do I get a green light or no? Green light, green

02:53:46.989 --> 02:53:51.110
light, green light. Yeah. And that's been Bush,

02:53:51.209 --> 02:53:54.329
Obama, Biden, Trump. Just kill anybody, label

02:53:54.329 --> 02:53:57.489
them later. Well, the amount of people that get

02:53:57.489 --> 02:53:59.750
killed by drones that are innocents is off the

02:53:59.750 --> 02:54:02.649
charts. Oh, yeah. Any other type of warfare,

02:54:02.850 --> 02:54:06.510
it's like 90%. Yeah, we got to go back to swords.

02:54:07.209 --> 02:54:08.489
It'd be nice. It'd be tough to catch it. You're

02:54:08.489 --> 02:54:09.870
looking at the guy. Like, that's the bad guy.

02:54:10.069 --> 02:54:12.930
Catch a fucking bystander with a sword. Yeah.

02:54:13.829 --> 02:54:16.409
Well, back then, everybody was a bystander. You

02:54:16.409 --> 02:54:18.549
know, the sword times, they didn't spare anybody.

02:54:18.829 --> 02:54:21.270
You see, they sent drones into Russia, Ukraine.

02:54:21.409 --> 02:54:23.620
They hit them on that. That roof? I've heard

02:54:23.620 --> 02:54:25.379
about this. Everything I've heard from Russia

02:54:25.379 --> 02:54:28.040
-Ukraine, I've never believed any of it. Who

02:54:28.040 --> 02:54:30.000
knows? It's been so much propaganda. On any side.

02:54:30.079 --> 02:54:32.260
But the one thing that the Ukraine attack is

02:54:32.260 --> 02:54:34.379
legit, where they bombed all the bombers with

02:54:34.379 --> 02:54:38.959
the drones. What? Yeah, they caused $7 billion

02:54:38.959 --> 02:54:43.059
in damage in one day. They blew up all these...

02:54:43.620 --> 02:54:46.459
Bombers. Oh, planes. They sent in suicide drones

02:54:46.459 --> 02:54:49.479
to blow up all these bombers that were on these

02:54:49.479 --> 02:54:51.700
airfields. Suicide drones is such a great term.

02:54:51.739 --> 02:54:54.620
It's just a bomb. Yeah. It's a remote control,

02:54:54.700 --> 02:54:57.559
but it doesn't shoot things. It flies into things

02:54:57.559 --> 02:54:59.360
and detonates. Whoa. That's why they call them

02:54:59.360 --> 02:55:02.639
suicide drones. Yeah, they fly the drone. The

02:55:02.639 --> 02:55:06.440
drone is the weapon itself. And it's intelligently

02:55:06.440 --> 02:55:08.719
controlled. And they just fly them into these

02:55:08.719 --> 02:55:10.440
jets and blow them up. Japan was all over that.

02:55:11.279 --> 02:55:16.260
Japan was? Oh, yeah. Also meth. That's why they

02:55:16.260 --> 02:55:19.260
got those guys to do it. Meth. Really? Yeah,

02:55:19.360 --> 02:55:21.799
it was all meth. Yeah, the kamikazes, that was

02:55:21.799 --> 02:55:23.879
all meth. Oh, really? Get those guys methed up

02:55:23.879 --> 02:55:27.180
and fly them right into the... You know, you're

02:55:27.180 --> 02:55:29.479
methed out of your fucking mind. Same thing with

02:55:29.479 --> 02:55:32.440
the Nazis in the tanks. The tank guys were the

02:55:32.440 --> 02:55:34.360
guys that had the most meth. And the ones who

02:55:34.360 --> 02:55:37.299
dance at clubs. It's the methiest molly. Gets

02:55:37.299 --> 02:55:41.579
you going. Remember the techno Viking? Remember

02:55:41.579 --> 02:55:43.799
that guy? Yeah. Oh, yeah. That guy ruled. Yeah,

02:55:43.940 --> 02:55:45.780
that guy ruled. There was some guy who was being

02:55:45.780 --> 02:55:47.440
shitty to some girl, and he grabs her by the

02:55:47.440 --> 02:55:49.360
arm. You, get out of here. Trying to steal her

02:55:49.360 --> 02:55:51.100
purse. And then some guy gives him a bottle of

02:55:51.100 --> 02:55:52.520
water. He drinks a little of the water, and then

02:55:52.520 --> 02:55:54.840
he starts working. Viking dancing. Techno Viking

02:55:54.840 --> 02:55:57.639
ruled. Yeah. Viking dance rules. I saw that on

02:55:57.639 --> 02:55:59.700
E -Bomb's world. Can we see that guy, Jamie?

02:55:59.840 --> 02:56:02.059
You got that guy? I was like, here we go. Loved

02:56:02.059 --> 02:56:04.120
E -Bomb. He's trying to steal. So he takes this

02:56:04.120 --> 02:56:08.010
guy. Hey, get out of here. Get out of here. I'm

02:56:08.010 --> 02:56:09.829
with that guy. I'm going home. Yeah, you're going

02:56:09.829 --> 02:56:11.549
home. If you see this fucking dude, that dude

02:56:11.549 --> 02:56:15.069
has cardio. He'll beat your ass for hours. And

02:56:15.069 --> 02:56:16.969
then he has to point at him one more time. Go.

02:56:18.590 --> 02:56:21.889
You don't want to fuck with that guy. Don't turn

02:56:21.889 --> 02:56:23.889
around. That guy's, that's the bad motherfucker

02:56:23.889 --> 02:56:25.770
that hangs in the group. Let it go, bro. And

02:56:25.770 --> 02:56:27.389
look at this dork. Breathe it out. The beta comes

02:56:27.389 --> 02:56:31.489
over, offers the water. The beta. Upside down.

02:56:31.489 --> 02:56:33.770
Trying to like, you know, really important. Yeah,

02:56:33.770 --> 02:56:35.569
but if that's your boy. Yeah. If one of your

02:56:35.569 --> 02:56:37.209
boys is the Viking guy. He's like, chill bro,

02:56:37.250 --> 02:56:39.670
I know I got you. And then the dance starts.

02:56:39.889 --> 02:56:41.770
Give me some music, Jamie. Is that a gun on the

02:56:41.770 --> 02:56:47.709
left of him? Techno Viking in the house. Holy

02:56:47.709 --> 02:56:50.989
moly, he can move. Black socks all the way up.

02:56:51.049 --> 02:56:53.049
That guy fucked all the dirty hippies that night.

02:56:53.370 --> 02:56:55.270
No one else is dancing. Yeah, I haven't seen

02:56:55.270 --> 02:56:57.149
it since I was a boy. Now that I'm looking back

02:56:57.149 --> 02:56:59.090
on it, this guy's kind of fucking gay as shit.

02:56:59.209 --> 02:57:02.370
No one else is dancing. I remember being a kid

02:57:02.370 --> 02:57:04.870
thinking he was the man. This guy blows. People

02:57:04.870 --> 02:57:06.950
are walking through. No one else is dancing like

02:57:06.950 --> 02:57:08.149
him. You don't want to hang out with this guy.

02:57:08.229 --> 02:57:09.930
Now they're dancing. Fuck no, I don't want to

02:57:09.930 --> 02:57:11.729
hang out with them. Oh, there's the cut to the

02:57:11.729 --> 02:57:15.389
dude who got sent away. Poor dude. Where are

02:57:15.389 --> 02:57:20.569
we? Is this Detroit? Oh, is it? Okay. Berlin.

02:57:20.729 --> 02:57:23.590
Oh, Berlin. That makes sense. That's a fuck parade.

02:57:26.450 --> 02:57:29.430
That could be the new name of Protect Our Parks.

02:57:29.469 --> 02:57:33.309
Fuck parade. That really is a fuck parade. 2000

02:57:33.309 --> 02:57:36.409
fuck parade Berlin. That's what pride is. Boy,

02:57:36.469 --> 02:57:38.450
I hope they don't all gang up together and fight

02:57:38.450 --> 02:57:42.700
Russia. Got crazy weird abs. Oh, my God. Uneven.

02:57:42.780 --> 02:57:44.680
Yeah, mismatched. A lot of abs are like that.

02:57:44.860 --> 02:57:46.420
This almost says that this whole thing could

02:57:46.420 --> 02:57:47.780
have been staged. They're not sure. Really? Because

02:57:47.780 --> 02:57:50.020
it was made by an artist, the whole video. Oh,

02:57:50.420 --> 02:57:52.719
it's totally staged. That totally makes sense

02:57:52.719 --> 02:57:55.120
because the way he pointed was so performatory.

02:57:55.479 --> 02:57:58.180
Why would they have followed up on the guy? It's

02:57:58.180 --> 02:58:00.059
his twisted sister. Jamie, always getting to

02:58:00.059 --> 02:58:02.260
the bottom of things. Jamie, you're great, and

02:58:02.260 --> 02:58:04.079
we all love you. We do love you, Jamie. You know

02:58:04.079 --> 02:58:05.819
we all love you. I know you got fired up earlier.

02:58:06.020 --> 02:58:08.440
Sorry about all that. Well, you used to bring

02:58:08.440 --> 02:58:10.280
it up, Ohio. You get his fucking hackles up.

02:58:11.219 --> 02:58:13.440
You get his hackles up. This fucking asshole

02:58:13.440 --> 02:58:15.399
ass, he brought up fucking Notre Dame. Yeah,

02:58:15.399 --> 02:58:17.840
but because you got to let him slide. It's like

02:58:17.840 --> 02:58:19.180
when you have a little kid, you can't yell at

02:58:19.180 --> 02:58:21.920
him. By the way, this is classic Ohio State.

02:58:21.940 --> 02:58:25.479
They won the title, and they're still babies.

02:58:26.360 --> 02:58:29.659
Oh, boy. They're still babies. You can get under

02:58:29.659 --> 02:58:31.860
the skin. You can go, you know you guys lost

02:58:31.860 --> 02:58:35.659
to Michigan? They all go, fuck you. You guys

02:58:35.659 --> 02:58:38.219
won't even play them anymore. Oh, boy. They won't

02:58:38.219 --> 02:58:40.719
play us, dude. Oh, whatever. Be careful. Look

02:58:40.719 --> 02:58:42.479
into that history. You know what? Texas, though,

02:58:42.520 --> 02:58:44.479
Texas plays Ohio State, first game of the season,

02:58:44.540 --> 02:58:47.040
and they won't play them on Sunday night. I did

02:58:47.040 --> 02:58:49.079
see that. That pissed me off. Why not? Because

02:58:49.079 --> 02:58:53.139
they don't want it to be a night game. Why? Because

02:58:53.139 --> 02:58:56.459
fans, it's a much more rowdy environment. They

02:58:56.459 --> 02:58:58.680
want a fucking noon. They want a noon kickoff.

02:58:58.739 --> 02:59:01.819
It's Sunday. It's Lord's Day. It's coward's work.

02:59:01.959 --> 02:59:03.840
Yeah, they want hungover people. That's funny

02:59:03.840 --> 02:59:05.680
when you have to schedule your games based on

02:59:05.680 --> 02:59:07.719
how fucked up people will be. For sure. Let's

02:59:07.719 --> 02:59:10.360
be careful. Let's not let them. 10 p .m. game.

02:59:10.559 --> 02:59:13.180
Oh, my God. Joe, you would love watching Michigan

02:59:13.180 --> 02:59:16.520
walk into Ohio State. Can I see it? Uh -huh.

02:59:19.389 --> 02:59:23.409
Jamie's got the controls. Not today, Satan. Only

02:59:23.409 --> 02:59:25.870
because you asked. I'll show it. So Michigan,

02:59:26.049 --> 02:59:29.309
who I hate more than Ohio State, did suck this

02:59:29.309 --> 02:59:32.250
year. They're playing at Ohio State. Michigan

02:59:32.250 --> 02:59:35.110
has owned them for no fucking... Three straight

02:59:35.110 --> 02:59:37.389
years going into this. Yeah, three straight years.

02:59:37.850 --> 02:59:40.709
And it's just nice to watch a team walk into

02:59:40.709 --> 02:59:44.510
an entire environment that hates you. What was

02:59:44.510 --> 02:59:47.069
it? And they're just together, just walking.

02:59:47.090 --> 02:59:51.590
I mean, it's. And I hate Michigan. And Michigan's

02:59:51.590 --> 02:59:53.370
not even good here. But it's nice to watch. But

02:59:53.370 --> 02:59:55.229
they haven't lost to Ohio State. So it's like

02:59:55.229 --> 02:59:59.629
a great MMA game. Okay, here we go. Wait, they're

02:59:59.629 --> 03:00:02.090
not wanted? It's only going to play 20 seconds,

03:00:02.129 --> 03:00:04.370
though. That's all right. When it shows the stadium.

03:00:05.409 --> 03:00:07.950
Damn, that's quite a stadium. Wow, imagine being

03:00:07.950 --> 03:00:09.670
one of those guys. Imagine being one of those

03:00:09.670 --> 03:00:12.110
guys about to play this game. Fuck CTE. Let's

03:00:12.110 --> 03:00:15.579
go. Yeah, fuck CT. Let's go. What do I want to

03:00:15.579 --> 03:00:18.979
be smart when I'm fucking 70? Who gives a fuck?

03:00:20.700 --> 03:00:23.299
Is this it? Is this it? Oh, this is Ohio State.

03:00:24.219 --> 03:00:25.479
You're going to watch that. You're going to watch

03:00:25.479 --> 03:00:29.120
this. What's this? Watch this. Let's play this,

03:00:29.120 --> 03:00:34.440
too. I want to hear this. I want to hear this

03:00:34.440 --> 03:00:43.079
when they get out into the field. This is not

03:00:43.079 --> 03:00:48.239
the Michigan game. It's Tennessee. Shit rules.

03:00:48.520 --> 03:00:52.680
Man, these guys are fired up. First ever December

03:00:52.680 --> 03:00:55.920
game? That's when Ohio State turned it around.

03:00:56.899 --> 03:01:00.559
What is first ever December game? They just added

03:01:00.559 --> 03:01:02.340
the playoffs this year, so there's never been

03:01:02.340 --> 03:01:07.030
games this late. That's exciting. Oh, we're doing

03:01:07.030 --> 03:01:10.510
this? God, this is amazing. Enter Sandman, Virginia

03:01:10.510 --> 03:01:13.049
Tech, Miami. Oh, we did that already. We did

03:01:13.049 --> 03:01:15.649
it? We did that already. We got some good entrances.

03:01:15.649 --> 03:01:17.569
Hold on. We got some good entrances. Sandman's

03:01:17.569 --> 03:01:19.790
the greatest fucking, the greatest beginning

03:01:19.790 --> 03:01:21.530
of a game song of all time. Fuck, I'm trying

03:01:21.530 --> 03:01:27.450
to think of some good entrances. Metallica just

03:01:27.450 --> 03:01:31.069
played. Metallica just played Blacksburg. They

03:01:31.069 --> 03:01:33.209
played Virginia Tech Stadium. But how about when

03:01:33.209 --> 03:01:36.219
they played Berlin after the fall? Is that? Oh

03:01:36.219 --> 03:01:40.520
my god. No, no, no. Moscow. That's right. They

03:01:40.520 --> 03:01:43.159
played Moscow. It's the best. Like a million

03:01:43.159 --> 03:01:44.239
people. We've definitely watched it. We've watched

03:01:44.239 --> 03:01:46.500
that. It's the most insane concert you've ever

03:01:46.500 --> 03:01:48.659
seen in your life. You need to see it. Ari needs

03:01:48.659 --> 03:01:50.399
to see it right now. Ari's definitely seen it

03:01:50.399 --> 03:01:52.520
in that seat. But he needs to see it right now

03:01:52.520 --> 03:01:54.040
because he's in another dimension right now.

03:01:54.299 --> 03:01:56.340
After that, you've got to show Billy Joel in

03:01:56.340 --> 03:01:59.680
USSR. We've done that too. We've done that as

03:01:59.680 --> 03:02:02.819
well. Have we ever played Led Zeppelin? Jump

03:02:02.819 --> 03:02:05.899
Around, Wisconsin. That's a good one. The sound

03:02:05.899 --> 03:02:08.579
isn't as good as it needs to be. What about,

03:02:08.639 --> 03:02:12.479
there's an Ariana Grande concert in London. Manchester,

03:02:12.579 --> 03:02:15.319
you asshole. Imagine being in that audience.

03:02:17.600 --> 03:02:29.200
Look at that fucking crowd. Is this Berlin? It's

03:02:29.200 --> 03:02:31.760
Blacksburg, Virginia. They're about to watch

03:02:31.760 --> 03:02:48.260
some mediocre football. Yo, Tokis! Hey, white

03:02:48.260 --> 03:02:53.399
band members. Woo! I'd love to tell you I didn't

03:02:53.399 --> 03:02:59.959
watch this earlier today. Oh, man. This is the

03:02:59.959 --> 03:03:22.040
fucking Coliseum. What a fucking song. America

03:03:22.040 --> 03:03:24.760
fucking rules. What a country. What are we talking

03:03:24.760 --> 03:03:27.260
about? Of course people walk here from Guatemala.

03:03:28.440 --> 03:03:31.239
Dude, if I saw Wisconsin going this crazy and

03:03:31.239 --> 03:03:33.559
I lived in Guatemala, I would go, bro, I got

03:03:33.559 --> 03:03:36.379
to walk. I'm going across that fucking desert.

03:03:36.479 --> 03:03:39.399
There you go, J -Mo. Extra bottles of water,

03:03:39.440 --> 03:03:41.360
and I'm making it across that fucking desert.

03:03:41.500 --> 03:03:44.600
Oh, yeah. That video we just showed has 65 ,000

03:03:44.600 --> 03:03:46.120
people in the crowd. The first one we watched

03:03:46.120 --> 03:03:47.920
at the Ohio Stadium in this place here is double.

03:03:48.260 --> 03:03:52.170
Wow. Holy shit. This is the big house? 70 ,000

03:03:52.170 --> 03:03:53.790
there. Holy shit. You know I was supposed to

03:03:53.790 --> 03:03:56.670
perform there this year? Really? Me and Zach

03:03:56.670 --> 03:03:59.889
Ryan were going to do Michigan Stadium, and they

03:03:59.889 --> 03:04:02.229
said no to me. But then they caught you back

03:04:02.229 --> 03:04:04.510
on, I thought. Well, Notre Dame got me. What?

03:04:04.950 --> 03:04:07.209
They said no to you? Yeah, what the fuck? What

03:04:07.209 --> 03:04:13.069
did you do? I have fucking some stuff. I said

03:04:13.069 --> 03:04:14.790
a couple things. Come on, man. You guys are joking

03:04:14.790 --> 03:04:17.190
around. This is back in the day. I didn't mean

03:04:17.190 --> 03:04:21.090
it. Let's play. Let's leave with Russia. Do Enter

03:04:21.090 --> 03:04:23.790
Sandman in Russia. Oh, shit. Don't. That's the

03:04:23.790 --> 03:04:25.729
shit. Don't do it. Do we want to promote Russia?

03:04:25.950 --> 03:04:27.110
Do you look at the size of the crowd? Nah, it's

03:04:27.110 --> 03:04:28.110
just the fucking people. No, this is America

03:04:28.110 --> 03:04:30.790
giving it to Russia. This is America going, bro,

03:04:30.790 --> 03:04:33.569
you want to see what's good? Okay. Look at the

03:04:33.569 --> 03:04:36.389
size of the fucking crowd. This is Moscow, 1991.

03:04:37.370 --> 03:04:40.290
Look at that crowd. Holy shit. How many people

03:04:40.290 --> 03:04:43.030
is that? Helicopter right over it? Bro, that

03:04:43.030 --> 03:04:44.409
has to be millions. I said it's over a million.

03:04:44.430 --> 03:04:46.530
Why is a helicopter right there? It's the end

03:04:46.530 --> 03:04:49.889
of your empire. Yeah. For real. Look at this.

03:04:50.090 --> 03:04:52.309
We're all poor. This is Pug. He saw this and

03:04:52.309 --> 03:04:55.209
goes, I'll be back. Yeah. Kind of sick. He came

03:04:55.209 --> 03:04:58.069
back. Kind of sick. Right. He's in the KGB at

03:04:58.069 --> 03:05:03.129
the time. Going, yeah. Going, nah. Moscow. Fuel.

03:05:05.110 --> 03:05:08.879
Oh, shit. Look at that fucking crowd. Jesus Christ.

03:05:08.920 --> 03:05:10.879
Can you imagine being on that stage where that

03:05:10.879 --> 03:05:19.420
energy feels like? No. 1 .6 million. Oh, my God.

03:05:19.680 --> 03:05:22.680
In the crowd? Oh, my God. Man, it's like Sunset

03:05:22.680 --> 03:05:27.239
Club. Something just up to 2 million. 1 .6 million

03:05:27.239 --> 03:05:29.899
in the crowd? That's so crazy. You do one show,

03:05:30.040 --> 03:05:33.299
you retire. Yeah. No, they didn't. How was the

03:05:33.299 --> 03:05:35.260
paycheck, I wonder? Oh, it must have been in

03:05:35.260 --> 03:05:37.659
rubles. Yeah, it must have been nothing. You

03:05:37.659 --> 03:05:42.500
get five potatoes and your life. You get to live.

03:05:42.700 --> 03:05:44.840
We are not going to kill you. Congratulations.

03:05:45.819 --> 03:05:52.399
Long -haired gays. All right, wait. I know we're

03:05:52.399 --> 03:05:54.559
trying to play it out. This is crazy. Keep it

03:05:54.559 --> 03:05:58.819
coming. I don't want to go home. No, J -Mo. Woodstock

03:05:58.819 --> 03:06:02.059
99 corn. All right, we really hit the bottom

03:06:02.059 --> 03:06:05.979
here. Hold on. Woodstock corn? Trust me, daddy.

03:06:06.200 --> 03:06:20.420
Trust me, daddy. I hate Korg. They need this.

03:06:22.540 --> 03:06:29.540
Let's protect our parks. Damn. I mean, there's

03:06:29.540 --> 03:06:32.979
supposed to be no experience on Earth like being...

03:06:33.600 --> 03:06:36.299
Hatfield on that stage. There's no experience

03:06:36.299 --> 03:06:39.440
on Earth. Also, there's no coming back. Yeah.

03:06:39.600 --> 03:06:42.020
What do you mean? Have you seen that? You go,

03:06:42.280 --> 03:06:47.200
yeah. What's the Asian guy who does the biggest

03:06:47.200 --> 03:06:50.979
song in the world? Oh, that guy. Gangnam Style.

03:06:51.420 --> 03:06:53.840
Gangnam Style. Pull a Gangnam Style guy when

03:06:53.840 --> 03:06:55.899
he comes up from the stage. Just trust me on

03:06:55.899 --> 03:06:59.440
Woodstock 99 corn. Look, you're allowed to not

03:06:59.440 --> 03:07:01.659
like corn. I didn't really like him until I saw

03:07:01.659 --> 03:07:03.879
this fucking video. Some of my intros. I trust

03:07:03.879 --> 03:07:07.719
you. You would never throw us a bad one. I wouldn't

03:07:07.719 --> 03:07:09.399
do this. Other than that Bulldog video that never

03:07:09.399 --> 03:07:12.620
got brought up. Trust me. You fucked up with

03:07:12.620 --> 03:07:14.920
the Ohio video. It never got brought up. Here

03:07:14.920 --> 03:07:17.520
it is. All right, I saw some jigs. You're allowed

03:07:17.520 --> 03:07:19.940
to not like corn. Wait till you see this crowd.

03:07:20.219 --> 03:07:29.159
Look at the jugs on Jiggly. Van Flaxen. 99. Not

03:07:29.159 --> 03:07:33.459
Israel. It was pre -9 -11. This was on pay -per

03:07:33.459 --> 03:07:44.260
-view. Oh, shit. That guy's full hood. I remember

03:07:44.260 --> 03:07:49.100
this song from my youth. I think the idea here,

03:07:49.120 --> 03:07:51.760
keep an eye on the crowd, right? Yeah. And also,

03:07:51.899 --> 03:07:55.200
you know what got me was the lead singer's face

03:07:55.200 --> 03:07:58.440
when he walks out and sees the crowd. He gets

03:07:58.440 --> 03:08:00.379
it. Like, you just watch a guy, like, take that

03:08:00.379 --> 03:08:10.280
energy in. This is a weird time in music. Like,

03:08:10.319 --> 03:08:16.799
rock, rap. DMX played earlier in the day. Okay.

03:08:17.059 --> 03:08:41.040
Kid Rock. Limp Bizkit. Oh, geez. Oh, my God.

03:08:41.479 --> 03:08:43.799
Oh, my God. Look at that crowd. Look at the crowd.

03:08:44.100 --> 03:08:46.540
That crowd's alive. Yeah, that's crazy. That's

03:08:46.540 --> 03:08:50.639
a living organism. Imagine being an alien, and

03:08:50.639 --> 03:08:51.959
you come down, you watch it, and you're like,

03:08:51.959 --> 03:08:55.280
what the fuck are they doing? The pinnacle of

03:08:55.280 --> 03:08:57.540
their existence seems to be giving yourself CTE

03:08:57.540 --> 03:09:00.940
in front of a million people. Yeah. Headbanging.

03:09:01.979 --> 03:09:04.430
Anyway, that one got me going. That's fun. That

03:09:04.430 --> 03:09:06.329
was the 90s, baby. What was the last one that

03:09:06.329 --> 03:09:08.530
we wanted to do? Gang of Style. Gang of Style.

03:09:08.530 --> 03:09:10.190
When he does that jump out. The jump out. The

03:09:10.190 --> 03:09:14.309
jump out for the win. Did he have any other big

03:09:14.309 --> 03:09:16.670
hits other than that? No, he faded away. No,

03:09:16.750 --> 03:09:18.709
he had one other big one. Right off that one.

03:09:19.110 --> 03:09:21.149
Really? Yeah. I kind of remember it, too. Norman

03:09:21.149 --> 03:09:23.049
already shut him down. Wow, I thought he got

03:09:23.049 --> 03:09:24.469
the COVID. Not giving the man his flowers, as

03:09:24.469 --> 03:09:39.520
the kids like to say. Oh, shit. This isn't it,

03:09:39.579 --> 03:09:41.479
is it? That's not it. No, the one where he pops

03:09:41.479 --> 03:09:44.399
out of the floor. That was like the fucking Asian

03:09:44.399 --> 03:09:47.860
Magdalena. He comes flying out of the floor.

03:09:47.860 --> 03:09:55.129
This is it. The Magdalena. Watch this. Oh, my

03:09:55.129 --> 03:09:59.870
God. Oh, my God. That fucking rules. And he goes

03:09:59.870 --> 03:10:02.850
right into it. Holy shit. Whoa. Look at the size

03:10:02.850 --> 03:10:05.889
of that place. Oh, my God. They're going to all

03:10:05.889 --> 03:10:10.270
kill us eventually. Holy shit. Oh, they're chanting.

03:10:10.430 --> 03:10:14.049
It's a fucking squid game. Look at the size of

03:10:14.049 --> 03:10:16.590
that crowd. It's literally drone footage, dude.

03:10:16.629 --> 03:10:25.030
We're going to rock them. Holy shit. Holy shit.

03:10:25.670 --> 03:10:33.790
That's insane. Wow. Wow. How many people was

03:10:33.790 --> 03:10:36.329
that, I wonder? Holy shit. It shook the whole

03:10:36.329 --> 03:10:38.790
place. Yeah, no shit. That's millions of people.

03:10:38.989 --> 03:10:41.549
Can you imagine being his wife? Be like, hey,

03:10:41.629 --> 03:10:44.889
could you clean up a little? See what I fucking

03:10:44.889 --> 03:10:48.450
did? I just flew out of the floor. Shut the fuck

03:10:48.450 --> 03:10:52.010
up and cook me a sandwich. All right, we're done.

03:10:52.930 --> 03:10:55.409
Should we eat? God bless America. Yeah. Yeah,

03:10:55.430 --> 03:10:58.870
hell yeah. Let's go get some gout. Yeah! Gout

03:10:58.870 --> 03:11:01.569
of order. Goodbye, everybody.