WEBVTT

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"Welcome to this curated educational transcript of the Joe Rogan Experience. In this session, we provide a deep-dive examination of the critical perspectives and historical dialogues presented in Episode #1907. Our mission is to offer a high-fidelity, searchable research resource for students of cultural history, emerging technology, and global discourse. This transcript has been specifically optimized for academic reference, linguistic study, and archival preservation regarding Group Improvisation Dynamics, Contemporary Satire, and Independent Media Evolution."
Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out. The Joe Rogan

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Experience. Showing by day, Joe Rogan Podcast

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by night, all day. Fresh from the club. Suck

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it, Neil deGrasse, you big, fat queef. Imagine

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going from that to this. Imagine going from a

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legit astrophysicist, head of the Hayden Planetarium,

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to this podcast. He's a sweet guy. He's a great

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guy. We talked about the James Webb Telescope

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and new capabilities and some pretty wild shit.

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Imagine caring. What? You don't care at all about

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space? Well, it's a cute photo. It's colorful.

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No, that's just cool. It's pretty cool. It looks

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like Bejeweled, that video game. Imagine if no

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one was paying attention to space, if everyone

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was like us. I'm like, I hope everything up there

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is good. Yeah, whatever that is. I don't know

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what the fuck that shit is. Just don't attack.

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As long as no attacks, I'm fine. Even the Native

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Americans, they would look at it and they would

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make shit out of it, you know? Yeah. The Constellation.

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Oh, yeah, everybody did. The Constellation. It

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was pre -TV. It was the first Connected Arts.

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This is the show. The dots are so, like, weirdly

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connected, too. Like, how are you getting an

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archer? How is that an archer? Yeah, you see

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it. You're like, you're drawing random lines

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in. Yeah, you're just deciding. Orion's belt.

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Oh, there's a lion. That's not a lion, you fucking

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idiot. It was like shitty porn. Remember you

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watched porn and it was scrambled? You saw a

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tit every now and then. You guys were whacking

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off the constellations? Yeah. Oh, yeah. That

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looks like a tit. No doubt about it. That's a

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bit rounded. Do you remember when you would stay

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in these shitty little hotels and they would

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have, like, you'd have to pay money? like through

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a machine to watch porn. Yeah. There was some

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hotels. I never saw that. Ray Romano has a bit

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about it because he was like, his porn wasn't

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working, but he goes, so you have to call downstairs.

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But he's like, I have a very recognizable voice.

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That was Gilbert. He did that. Yeah. It's a Ray

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Romano. Hey, that's pretty good. All right. He's

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a sweet, sweet man. He's the best. He's a good

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dude, man. And kind of like made his money and

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just said, just want my fucking feedback a little

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bit. Feedback a little bit. Were you around for

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the vibrating bed with the quarter? Yep. I never

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saw that. I thought that was a trope. No, I never

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saw it. I got on one of those once just to feel

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it. I put the quarter in by myself. Yeah, I got

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it as a kid. My mom would put them in for us.

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Yeah. It was so fun. Really? I don't get it.

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Michael J. Fox hated it. Some places you would

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go and they would have the spinning bed of a

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circular bed and it spun. That was like the honeymoon

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suite. Like in the 1970s, there was a house that

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was for sale that, who had it? Will Chamberlain?

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Let's stay in one position and look at different

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walls. I think Will Chamberlain had this fuck

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house that was for sale in the Hollywood Hills

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and it was just like. all decked out just for

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fucking. Like, you had a whole room with, like,

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mirrors and a certain bed. Last thing I wanted

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was a mirror when I'm fucking. Holy shit. Take

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you out of it. Agreed. You do the funhouse mirror.

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You're like, oh, my God. It looks insane. When

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I'm on top of a woman, it looks fucking insane.

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I know. My back is too curved. Yeah, this is

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Will Chamberlain's house. Wow. Is that a waterbed?

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Yeah, like a waterbed. It's wall -to -wall bed.

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Yeah, it's all bed. That's amazing. He was just

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banging. I bet that's crunchy as shit, though.

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Oh, it's just, if you got one of them black lights

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and ran it through that room, it would look like

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a Jackson Pollock painting. That's what I call

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a little Chamberlain. Jizz everywhere. Black

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light. But Lisa Ann said John Sally had the biggest

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dong she'd ever seen. Well, look at the size

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of them. Yeah. But you never know. He's gigantic.

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John Sally's got to be close to 7 feet tall,

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right? 6 '9", 6 '10". Still tall. Of course he's

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got a giant dick. Even if he had an average dick

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for his size, it would be gigantic. I heard Shaq

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is very underwhelming. Underwhelming? You see

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how that girl is up to his waist? That's what

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I've heard. How is Shaq possible? I know a lady.

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His hands are as big as his table. How is it

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possible? You know a lady? I know a lady. That

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saw Shaq's dick? Yes. And she said? In college.

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Fine. I don't know if this should be out there,

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but... LSU, he's still coming into his own. I

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think... And into her. But I think you expect,

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you know, a fucking anaconda, and then when it's

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just proportionate, you're like, meh. But you

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also have to deal with a girl who, like, I fuck

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Shaq. He ain't shit. That's true. Lying. Bragging.

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They do that to me all the time. Every one of

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them is a negative review. They're just trying

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to get at me. Thank God there's no fuck Yelp.

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That would be bad. Felp. Felp. They had a review

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for teachers, and I felt like they should always

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have to put their grades in before they review.

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Rate my professor? Yeah, like, oh, you don't

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like a D? What did you get? Oh, a D? And you

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don't like him? Uh -huh. Strange. We were talking

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yesterday about how hotels, you get in trouble

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for smoking, but you can jizz everywhere. Isn't

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that a weird system? Well, you don't get secondhand

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jizz, that's why. What are you kidding? It's

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all over the drapes. It's just, like, get in

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your lungs. Ah, well. Next tenant. See what I'm

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saying? I hear you. But what would you rather,

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a guy blow smoke in your face or jizz in your

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face? Smoke. Why do I have to choose? Definitely

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smoke. It's a tough choice. Can we get both?

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Aren't we here to party? Why are you guys pausing?

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It's definitely smoke. The answer is smoke. It's

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certainly smoke. Which guy, though? John Stamos?

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I'm taking it. You take a hot one in the face?

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Stamos is your guy? I'd switch in a second for

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Stamos. You would trade lives with John Stamos?

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No. You've got to be you. You'd switch genders?

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Yeah. Just to be with him. Well, in a lot of

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prisons, you can do that now. That's true. What

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a fun trick. Who would not do it? What dumb fucks

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in prison are not going to the... Is that your

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guy? Full head of hair. He's like 70 years old

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now, too. Yep. Wow. Looks great. Yeah, he's a

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fucking hunk. Is he married? Yeah, married, kids.

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Man, he's handsome. Beautiful guy. Beautiful

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man. Hey, I got one. Bring up that guy in White

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Lotus' dick from season two. Take a little hit

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of that. What was that about? I'm scared. No,

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no, no. I'm scared. Just a little puff. Hey,

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come get me later. I don't have to be so scared.

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Why are you getting mad? A little buffer. Get

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me later. Two hours in. This is wonky. Let me

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see how I'm doing. If I'm slacking, I'm fired

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up. 345. That's too heavy, dude. Make some halftime

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adjustments. We got a full five hours to go here.

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We'll see when the fun guy kicks in. Yeah. Uh

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-oh. We're all fun guys. That was good, dude.

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That was Mark Norman -like. Hey, welcome, Jew.

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Good special. By the way, congratulations. Thank

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you, everybody. Congratulations again. Your special's

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at 4. what now? 4 .5 million in four weeks. That's

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incredible. Great, we can hang out with you again.

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Yeah. Have you ever seen a change? Oh, you were

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falling off. I've never seen a change in personality

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like this. Well, you know what? The pop when

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he got on stage last night was extraordinary.

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Yes. To a lot of people having seen it. Yeah.

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And I guess enjoying it. Well, all the people

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last night are comedy fans. Right. Right, so

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you've got to assume those people have probably

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all seen it. The couple to the right. We thought

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this was a bar. No, you're full of shit, man.

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You tried to pretend you didn't have a good set

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last night. It was fine. You had a great set.

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You just have high standards. Last one was better.

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No, those chicks to the right were annoying.

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They were tough. You couldn't look at them. There

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was a chick to the right that just the whole

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show. She looked like a lesbian in Scooby -Doo.

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What's a lesbian in Scooby -Doo? Velma. Velma,

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yeah. Velma. Do you guys still concentrate on

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people in the audience that aren't laughing?

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Of course. You just notice them. Especially when

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it's 20 in one group. Just sitting there. That's

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why it's good to go on stage high. Throw in your

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own little head. That's how we work. One guy's

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not laughing and you're killing. You focus on

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that guy. Nick DiPaolo used to yell at people

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when they did that. Fuck, it's your problem.

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Used to. Look at this fucking guy. Used to. I'm

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sure he still does. Look at these cunts over

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here. He could be killing. What country are you

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from, you motherfucker? He could be fucking killing,

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and if one person wasn't paying attention, he'd

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be so fucking mad. Pick a fight. Oh, yeah. Do

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you hear about the story when a guy was on his

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phone? It was flip phone days, and he took the

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phone and put it in his Diet Coke. Yeah. Wow.

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Oh, my God. Ballsy. You've got to be able to

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fist fight if you do that. Yeah, because that

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doesn't work after that. It's not like an iPhone.

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iPhones weren't waterproof until like three years

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ago. That's right. I used to wet the bed. I peed

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on a lot of phones. Would you ruin a phone with

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your piss? Nowadays, if it was in your pocket

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overnight, you definitely would ruin it. You

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used to be able to send your iPhone to a company

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and they would waterproof it. They would dunk

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it or spray it in some kind of plastic and waterproof

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all the stuff. What was that shit again? I don't

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know. Chloroform or something? They froze him.

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Carbon. Some carbon freeze. Carbonite. Carbonite.

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Maybe that was it. Yeah, and then they thawed

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him out for the sequel. Yeah. Turns out he's

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not dead. Well, he wasn't, remember? What's the

00:09:17.399 --> 00:09:19.659
guy, Luke? Kylo Ren killed him. What's Luke's

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thing? He was in a Burt's movie. Luke Skywalker.

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Mark Norman? Mark Hamill. We're off. We're off

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to a hot start again. I missed it. Did you have

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a stinker? No. Oh, okay. No. I'm just shitting

00:09:32.529 --> 00:09:34.830
on Star Wars. Yeah, Mark Hamill got in a crazy

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motorcycle accident between Empire Strikes Back

00:09:37.750 --> 00:09:39.690
and Return of the Jedi. Was it a car accident

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or a motorcycle accident? I think it was a motorcycle.

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That's why his face is a little banged up. Yeah.

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Oh, interesting. Pull it up. I think it was a

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car accident, but yeah. Oh, maybe it was a car.

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Was it? Yeah. Ah, shit. Yeah, he wrecked his

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face, right? You look different. Oh, he looked

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real bad. Look at Leno. Jay Leno taking pictures

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with nurse staff. You get a picture and you're

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like, I'm disformed. How bad does it look? How

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bad is Leno's scars? He's fine. He looks like

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an allergic reaction. He's already on stage.

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Yeah. He was on stage at Comedy and Magic Club

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the other night. Arsenio Hall tweeted about it.

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I heard his set was fire. I'll see myself out.

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How old do you have to be where you can't say

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fire anymore? Look at where he goes. Oh, so he's

00:10:21.000 --> 00:10:22.879
got some, like, peeling skin. I thought that

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was dolazol. So that's him in the hospital with

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the peeling skin. The denim. What is with the

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denim? And he's got every pocket full. You know

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why? That's a guy who literally doesn't give

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a fuck what he looks like. You're telling me.

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Cuts his hair. He's never worked out a day in

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his life. He just likes working on cars. Full

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head of hair, though. By the way, never been

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happier. Great guy. He's a fucking different

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human being, man. Now that he's not on the show.

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Yeah, man. This is what he loves. He was burnt

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up, man. His hands were all fucked up. His face

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was all fucked up. He looks like a fucking addict.

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He does. He looks like a crazy homeless crack

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guy under a bridge. He does look like Austin.

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In the window, somebody's got to put, come to

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Austin. He fits in an L .A. skid row. That guy

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has 11 warehouses filled with cars. You've never

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seen anything like it in your life. What a crazy

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thing to collect. Like, that's going to be your

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collection. That's what he loves, though. Automobiles.

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That's why his show's so good. It's like, everybody's

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got a thing that they really like. And that guy,

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it's fucking cars. If you go on his show, you

00:11:24.519 --> 00:11:26.759
go, oh, you should have been doing this the whole

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time. Everybody would have had a completely different

00:11:28.899 --> 00:11:30.840
opinion of Jay Leno. Because they thought he

00:11:30.840 --> 00:11:34.879
was this mild, sort of bland talk show host.

00:11:34.940 --> 00:11:37.320
He was a very nice guy. Good joke writer. And

00:11:37.320 --> 00:11:39.259
you'd always hear, like, legends about back in

00:11:39.259 --> 00:11:41.059
the day when he was a stand -up. He was the murderer.

00:11:41.259 --> 00:11:43.320
A lot of people said he was the second best cop.

00:11:43.440 --> 00:11:46.480
I'm behind Pryor. Yeah. Everybody said he was

00:11:46.480 --> 00:11:50.080
a fucking straight up killer. And he always wanted

00:11:50.080 --> 00:11:53.019
that tonight show. That was in our, you know,

00:11:53.019 --> 00:11:55.720
before our time, well, my time, I'm the oldest,

00:11:55.840 --> 00:11:58.940
right? So it's like even before my time, what

00:11:58.940 --> 00:12:01.879
everybody wanted was the Tonight Show. They wanted

00:12:01.879 --> 00:12:03.679
this. If you could be the host of the Tonight

00:12:03.679 --> 00:12:06.360
Show, they knew that Johnny Carter or Johnny

00:12:06.360 --> 00:12:10.259
Carson. Oh, boy, dementia is kicking in. Johnny

00:12:10.259 --> 00:12:14.990
Carson was the guy. One day we'll kick in. Right?

00:12:15.090 --> 00:12:17.450
Yeah, it's a bummer. Yeah, I'm 55. One day I'll

00:12:17.450 --> 00:12:19.429
be like 80, and it won't work so good. It'll

00:12:19.429 --> 00:12:21.929
be a smooth transition. Pretty smart 80 -year

00:12:21.929 --> 00:12:24.990
-olds on the podcast. You know, I think you tend

00:12:24.990 --> 00:12:26.549
some people to get lucky. I think it's a roll

00:12:26.549 --> 00:12:28.710
of the dice. I smoke too much weed. I'm not going

00:12:28.710 --> 00:12:31.049
to make it. And you know once you get dementia,

00:12:31.210 --> 00:12:32.190
they'll be like, it's because you didn't take

00:12:32.190 --> 00:12:35.250
the vaccine. They'll be waiting. Back in the

00:12:35.250 --> 00:12:40.259
20s, you should have been boosted. Hilarious.

00:12:40.259 --> 00:12:42.139
But you can just keep talking about aliens and

00:12:42.139 --> 00:12:44.659
elk and no one will notice. It'll go right in.

00:12:44.759 --> 00:12:47.299
It's going to be better. If it gets bad. If you're

00:12:47.299 --> 00:12:49.000
talking about Sasquatch and aliens while you're

00:12:49.000 --> 00:12:53.700
dementia. That's gold. I met Sasquatch was on

00:12:53.700 --> 00:12:58.120
this show. I've had guys on the show that said

00:12:58.120 --> 00:13:00.860
they saw Sasquatch. There's a lot of flat earthers,

00:13:00.960 --> 00:13:02.360
too. It's weird how many flat earthers there

00:13:02.360 --> 00:13:04.039
are. There's a lot out there. There's a lot out

00:13:04.039 --> 00:13:06.860
there. Kyrie Irving was a well -known flat earther.

00:13:06.879 --> 00:13:08.059
Yeah, he was. That's why he should get a pass.

00:13:08.059 --> 00:13:09.360
But he bailed on that. That's why he should get

00:13:09.360 --> 00:13:11.340
a pass. He should get a pass on any other theory

00:13:11.340 --> 00:13:11.860
he has. When people go like the juice thing,

00:13:11.919 --> 00:13:13.980
it's like, guys, that's what he's into. Wild

00:13:13.980 --> 00:13:15.799
stories. You guys understand how crazy what he

00:13:15.799 --> 00:13:17.559
did was? I talked about it already before in

00:13:17.559 --> 00:13:21.580
a podcast, but he posted a link to a video. That's

00:13:21.580 --> 00:13:23.720
it. Don't say this is awesome. Didn't say this

00:13:23.720 --> 00:13:26.690
is terrible. He got a five game suspension, a

00:13:26.690 --> 00:13:28.850
bunch of other things, but the fucking video

00:13:28.850 --> 00:13:30.909
is still for sale on Amazon. That's the thing.

00:13:30.909 --> 00:13:32.870
No one cares that it's actually out. It's not

00:13:32.870 --> 00:13:34.809
like it's hidden. Get mad at them. No one's upset

00:13:34.809 --> 00:13:39.470
that they're selling it on Amazon for $40. It's

00:13:39.470 --> 00:13:41.350
all narrative shit. It's all narrative. They

00:13:41.350 --> 00:13:42.970
made a narrative that like, oh, you're, then

00:13:42.970 --> 00:13:45.139
they don't look into it. This is the narrative.

00:13:45.240 --> 00:13:47.740
This is the new thing. The new thing is if someone

00:13:47.740 --> 00:13:49.740
is anti -Semitic, man, they just come for you.

00:13:49.840 --> 00:13:52.799
This is the new thing. This is the latest clear,

00:13:53.860 --> 00:13:57.039
no suppression. They're not going to beat you

00:13:57.039 --> 00:13:59.419
up, but someone they know runs the media. If

00:13:59.419 --> 00:14:01.700
there's a thing, though, like there's a thing

00:14:01.700 --> 00:14:03.480
that's in the news. You said it, brother. If

00:14:03.480 --> 00:14:05.240
there's a thing that's in the news you can't

00:14:05.240 --> 00:14:08.740
deviate from, right now that thing is anti -Semitism.

00:14:09.080 --> 00:14:14.970
Dude, it's like you hired him. To say crazy shit.

00:14:15.090 --> 00:14:17.070
Because if you think about it, the anti -Semitism

00:14:17.070 --> 00:14:19.929
comes out, all this fucking heat. Kanye gets

00:14:19.929 --> 00:14:21.210
canceled. People are searching the word Jew.

00:14:21.210 --> 00:14:22.509
Who would have thought they could cancel Kanye?

00:14:22.809 --> 00:14:25.110
Who would have thought they could remove his

00:14:25.110 --> 00:14:28.409
position with Balenciaga and Adidas and all that

00:14:28.409 --> 00:14:31.269
stuff? See Balenciaga? Crazy. But it's crazy.

00:14:31.350 --> 00:14:33.789
But all this happens, and then you put out Jew.

00:14:34.640 --> 00:14:37.799
Perfect. It was amazing. You and Ronnie Chang.

00:14:37.940 --> 00:14:40.639
He came out during the Asian hate. He was pre

00:14:40.639 --> 00:14:42.500
-Asian hate. They weren't really hating on Asians.

00:14:42.740 --> 00:14:46.000
I still hate them. Because Ronnie was big before

00:14:46.000 --> 00:14:48.340
the pandemic. Yeah. That's true. That special

00:14:48.340 --> 00:14:50.379
was before the pandemic. That's a great fucking

00:14:50.379 --> 00:14:52.480
special, by the way. He's a funny guy. He's a

00:14:52.480 --> 00:14:54.820
classic example. Ronnie is a classic example

00:14:54.820 --> 00:14:57.360
of a guy who has his own personality on stage.

00:14:57.480 --> 00:14:59.279
Oh, yeah. No one's doing what that guy's doing

00:14:59.279 --> 00:15:01.500
on stage. The way he does it. The anger with

00:15:01.500 --> 00:15:04.039
that accent. And it's his personality. You get

00:15:04.039 --> 00:15:06.600
into his mind and his vibe, and he just takes

00:15:06.600 --> 00:15:08.639
you on a ride. He really keeps it ruse out there.

00:15:09.340 --> 00:15:13.600
You son of a bitch. Can I get that lighter? Yep.

00:15:13.659 --> 00:15:16.460
One, two, three, go. Can we talk about Artie's

00:15:16.460 --> 00:15:19.559
change? He's happy now. I mean, you put this

00:15:19.559 --> 00:15:20.960
special, it's changed your life. That's what

00:15:20.960 --> 00:15:23.419
it was about, fucking him up. I got a big head

00:15:23.419 --> 00:15:25.440
now. You were such a little baby earlier. Big

00:15:25.440 --> 00:15:28.340
nose. I said, let me get my dog. It's hard when

00:15:28.340 --> 00:15:32.070
everybody's doing well. It's hard, and shit's

00:15:32.070 --> 00:15:33.710
not going well for you. It's hard. It's going

00:15:33.710 --> 00:15:36.110
quite well now. People have watched it in droves.

00:15:36.110 --> 00:15:38.950
You're killing it. You did it all the right way,

00:15:39.009 --> 00:15:41.659
too, and you took a bet on yourself. Yeah. And

00:15:41.659 --> 00:15:44.200
you fucking won. Four and a half million views

00:15:44.200 --> 00:15:46.200
in fucking less than a month. That's amazing.

00:15:46.399 --> 00:15:48.940
I told you it's going to reach eight. We had

00:15:48.940 --> 00:15:50.539
a conversation. It's literally fucking believable.

00:15:50.659 --> 00:15:52.620
And it's about a niche topic. Never thought that

00:15:52.620 --> 00:15:53.759
would happen to you. About a group that people

00:15:53.759 --> 00:15:56.580
hate. That's incredible. Not right now. No one

00:15:56.580 --> 00:16:00.240
saw this coming. No one. No one saw your success

00:16:00.240 --> 00:16:01.899
coming. I mean, this is fucking unbelievable.

00:16:02.519 --> 00:16:03.600
You have people like, how do you think it's going

00:16:03.600 --> 00:16:05.980
to do? I'm like, I don't know. I thought 20K.

00:16:07.300 --> 00:16:10.379
There's no way. I told him $8 million. He told

00:16:10.379 --> 00:16:12.059
me $8 million. I told him $6 million. And he

00:16:12.059 --> 00:16:13.860
goes, no, I said $8. I'm like, you're missing

00:16:13.860 --> 00:16:16.200
the joke. And now he's stuck. I'm going, so guys,

00:16:16.259 --> 00:16:18.399
if you're watching, as soon as it gets, just

00:16:18.399 --> 00:16:20.580
get it to $6 million and prove Joe Rogan wrong.

00:16:20.700 --> 00:16:22.700
Everybody watch right now. Joe doesn't believe

00:16:22.700 --> 00:16:25.879
it's $6 million. Jew on YouTube. Joe does not

00:16:25.879 --> 00:16:28.899
believe in the $6 million. And black and gay

00:16:28.899 --> 00:16:30.779
were in there, by the way. I didn't get the Holocaust

00:16:30.779 --> 00:16:34.100
joke until right now. Really? Literally. I'm

00:16:34.100 --> 00:16:36.669
so done. You said just get it. it to six million,

00:16:36.830 --> 00:16:38.730
I'm like, he's selling himself short. I really

00:16:38.730 --> 00:16:40.809
think he made it to eight. I was so literal.

00:16:41.149 --> 00:16:43.490
I texted him. I was like, Joe, instead of six

00:16:43.490 --> 00:16:45.190
weeks and eight million, why don't you reverse

00:16:45.190 --> 00:16:46.570
those? He goes, no, I believe it'll be eight

00:16:46.570 --> 00:16:48.769
million. I said, Joe, pretend like you're a comedian

00:16:48.769 --> 00:16:51.830
for a second and look at my numbers. I didn't

00:16:51.830 --> 00:16:54.070
get the reference. I didn't get the reference.

00:16:54.870 --> 00:16:56.750
He doesn't believe in it. You know Big Jay's

00:16:56.750 --> 00:16:59.169
old joke? You know they have that bread, it's

00:16:59.169 --> 00:17:01.330
called a challah? Yeah. He's like, I used to

00:17:01.330 --> 00:17:03.029
go into the deli and go, how much does the challah

00:17:03.029 --> 00:17:07.210
cost? Oh. Come on. Yeah, that's cute. It is.

00:17:09.210 --> 00:17:11.630
It's crazy how that's the topic du jour right

00:17:11.630 --> 00:17:13.869
now. Yeah, we pick a group every couple months.

00:17:13.930 --> 00:17:16.569
It is crazy. Everyone has to change their Facebook

00:17:16.569 --> 00:17:22.130
avatar. It's just this wave of groupthink that

00:17:22.130 --> 00:17:24.069
goes across the country. I think white men are

00:17:24.069 --> 00:17:28.170
next. We'll get some love. No, no. We're fucked.

00:17:28.970 --> 00:17:31.509
We have plenty of advantages. Just leave it at

00:17:31.509 --> 00:17:34.720
that. Yeah, huge dicks. It's like being a rich

00:17:34.720 --> 00:17:36.359
guy wanting birthday presents. Great dancers.

00:17:36.579 --> 00:17:39.400
Can I say about Kanye West, though? People don't

00:17:39.400 --> 00:17:41.160
take into account. Spicy food. Black Skinhead

00:17:41.160 --> 00:17:43.579
was one of the greatest songs of all time. The

00:17:43.579 --> 00:17:45.880
beat that comes on in the beginning of that is

00:17:45.880 --> 00:17:48.579
so fucking good. He's fucking sensational. He's

00:17:48.579 --> 00:17:50.140
a talent. Let's play some of that. Play some

00:17:50.140 --> 00:17:53.019
Black Skinhead. Just from second one. Maybe Kanye

00:17:53.019 --> 00:17:55.000
can sue Spotify, get some money back. Don't put

00:17:55.000 --> 00:17:57.200
up the long YouTube version, just the Spotify

00:17:57.200 --> 00:18:00.920
version. Oh, there you go. Yeah. He's, I mean,

00:18:00.920 --> 00:18:02.920
look, he's a brilliant artist. Brilliant artist.

00:18:02.980 --> 00:18:05.519
Stay off Twitter. He doesn't read. Right. That's

00:18:05.519 --> 00:18:08.779
part of the problem. And also he's his style

00:18:08.779 --> 00:18:11.720
of his style. He like openly talks about he doesn't

00:18:11.720 --> 00:18:14.839
read books, but his style of like talking is

00:18:14.839 --> 00:18:18.240
like his style performance, which is so unbelievable.

00:18:19.259 --> 00:18:21.500
Overpowering stream of consciousness. Beautiful

00:18:21.500 --> 00:18:23.880
lyric. Bang, bang, bang. He was like dominating

00:18:23.880 --> 00:18:26.019
it. Right. Well, he tries to do that with conversations.

00:18:26.220 --> 00:18:28.220
And when you do that, you know, as well as I

00:18:28.220 --> 00:18:30.599
do, when you just talk wild, you say shit and

00:18:30.599 --> 00:18:34.630
then you got to like defend it. Exactly. You're

00:18:34.630 --> 00:18:36.690
not going to back down. Do you double down? Maybe

00:18:36.690 --> 00:18:38.289
you're saying some stuff that you heard some

00:18:38.289 --> 00:18:41.849
other influential person say. It's so fucking

00:18:41.849 --> 00:18:46.289
good. Bro, he's got banger after banger. All

00:18:46.289 --> 00:18:49.089
of his albums are legit. He's a concert on Amazon.

00:18:50.029 --> 00:18:52.960
Watch it. It's fucking incredible. Easy, Kyrie.

00:18:53.059 --> 00:18:54.859
When he had the whole Tron outfit, he's a real

00:18:54.859 --> 00:18:57.799
artist. He just walked off the Tim Pool show.

00:18:58.380 --> 00:19:00.619
Walked off the Tim Pool show. They were talking

00:19:00.619 --> 00:19:04.000
about anti -Semitism and he just got up. But

00:19:04.000 --> 00:19:05.660
why did he? I don't understand what happened.

00:19:06.400 --> 00:19:10.059
His squad? His squad, dude. It's him, Milo, and

00:19:10.059 --> 00:19:13.259
the other guy. What? They're together? They're

00:19:13.259 --> 00:19:16.660
chilling, dude. Tim Pool? Whoa. No, Kanye. Is

00:19:16.660 --> 00:19:19.480
he on Milo? I love that. On a private jet. He

00:19:19.480 --> 00:19:21.259
didn't put respect on... a name so he was like

00:19:21.259 --> 00:19:25.500
got out of there it is a it's a fascinating turn

00:19:25.500 --> 00:19:28.019
of events this is a weird time it's the weirdest

00:19:28.019 --> 00:19:31.079
time ever because to see uh kanye like now he's

00:19:31.079 --> 00:19:32.880
saying like they're freezing his bank accounts

00:19:32.880 --> 00:19:37.079
and the fbi wants 75 million from it's That's

00:19:37.079 --> 00:19:38.720
you guys, dude. Don't fuck with us. Who's the

00:19:38.720 --> 00:19:40.940
last guy? The FBI froze $75 million, and they

00:19:40.940 --> 00:19:43.880
say he owes $50, which is like, if he owes $50,

00:19:43.920 --> 00:19:47.339
why'd you freeze $75? Interesting. I don't understand

00:19:47.339 --> 00:19:51.299
any of it, but he's got to be still worth hundreds

00:19:51.299 --> 00:19:53.160
of millions of dollars. When he said in the beginning,

00:19:53.240 --> 00:19:55.059
I'm going DEFCON or DEFCON, whatever, on the

00:19:55.059 --> 00:19:58.200
Jews, I'm positive he meant, I'm firing my agents.

00:19:59.600 --> 00:20:01.400
I'm positive that's what he meant. I don't think

00:20:01.400 --> 00:20:02.900
that's what he meant. I think it is. I think

00:20:02.900 --> 00:20:04.299
he wants to kill you guys. Look at that. Well,

00:20:04.319 --> 00:20:06.680
he's not doing it. Who's the twink on the left?

00:20:06.759 --> 00:20:09.420
Is that Dan Bulger? Who is that? It looks like

00:20:09.420 --> 00:20:10.980
Dan Bulger. That's the new booker for the comedy

00:20:10.980 --> 00:20:15.509
store. Is that Milo? No. Yeah, it's Milo. Is

00:20:15.509 --> 00:20:17.329
he reading the Torah? He's reading the Bible.

00:20:17.410 --> 00:20:20.910
He's got a Torah. Milo's straight now. Milo's

00:20:20.910 --> 00:20:23.369
straight now. He came back into the closet. Is

00:20:23.369 --> 00:20:25.130
that true? Yeah, he comes up straight. I think

00:20:25.130 --> 00:20:26.670
he prayed to God and he's straight. Oh, and he's

00:20:26.670 --> 00:20:28.490
got his... Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait

00:20:28.490 --> 00:20:30.250
a minute. He's holding the Bible all the time.

00:20:30.329 --> 00:20:34.400
He's got the fracari hat. That's got to be a

00:20:34.400 --> 00:20:37.460
calendar. He's like organized. No, that's a Bible.

00:20:37.519 --> 00:20:39.640
That's a Bible. What? You see the thing at the

00:20:39.640 --> 00:20:41.519
bottom? That's how he stays straight. That's

00:20:41.519 --> 00:20:44.180
how he stays straight. Milo is the best. Wow,

00:20:44.500 --> 00:20:47.980
Old Testament. So is that for the photo? I mean,

00:20:47.980 --> 00:20:51.920
Milo is a troll. Milo is the troll. He was a

00:20:51.920 --> 00:20:55.390
great, great, great troll back in his day. And

00:20:55.390 --> 00:20:56.910
he was the first guy they removed, and everybody

00:20:56.910 --> 00:21:00.490
was happy. Yeah, you got to remove him. And once

00:21:00.490 --> 00:21:02.589
you start doing shit like that, it just gets

00:21:02.589 --> 00:21:05.210
slippery and slippery, and they just keep going

00:21:05.210 --> 00:21:07.029
further down the line. What did you say about

00:21:07.029 --> 00:21:09.349
ivermectin? You're gone. What did you say about

00:21:09.349 --> 00:21:11.490
Ukraine? You're gone. What did you say about

00:21:11.490 --> 00:21:14.569
this? Get out of here. He was the first one.

00:21:14.589 --> 00:21:16.170
They took away his ability to make a living.

00:21:16.609 --> 00:21:21.069
Oh, yeah. He was super popular, man. These cryptic

00:21:21.069 --> 00:21:23.789
guys are dying. Well, isn't he Jewish? What the

00:21:23.789 --> 00:21:27.029
fuck are you? Milo? Yeah. Is he? No, Greek. Yeah,

00:21:27.029 --> 00:21:28.809
he's a big Greek. I thought he was Jewish. He's

00:21:28.809 --> 00:21:32.710
married to a black. No, man. Black man. Nice.

00:21:32.809 --> 00:21:35.829
Was he Christian? He might be a part Jewish.

00:21:35.829 --> 00:21:39.289
He wasn't Jewish? He's everything they should

00:21:39.289 --> 00:21:45.079
love. Well, he's... It was an amazing place to

00:21:45.079 --> 00:21:47.759
be. To be a gay conservative who's a witty guy,

00:21:47.880 --> 00:21:50.279
who's very funny. Way to fill a void. Are we

00:21:50.279 --> 00:21:54.119
talking Tim Dillon? Dude. He would just go to

00:21:54.119 --> 00:21:57.019
college campuses and just anger people. When

00:21:57.019 --> 00:22:00.279
Bill Maher had him on that show, he said to him,

00:22:00.440 --> 00:22:04.769
you remind me of Hitchens. Whoa. And everybody's

00:22:04.769 --> 00:22:07.150
like, what is he saying? It's true. There was

00:22:07.150 --> 00:22:09.089
a moment where people were saying, like, this

00:22:09.089 --> 00:22:12.789
is this rabble -rouser, really smart, gay Republican

00:22:12.789 --> 00:22:16.450
guy who's hilarious. He's for sure a rabble -rouser.

00:22:16.470 --> 00:22:18.829
Roman Catholic. Roman Catholic. We're the best,

00:22:18.829 --> 00:22:23.789
dude. Nice. Congrats. We got one. Foreskin. We're

00:22:23.789 --> 00:22:26.119
the best, dude. You see these crypto guys are

00:22:26.119 --> 00:22:29.259
dying? That's the second one that's died mysteriously.

00:22:29.380 --> 00:22:31.440
Is that what's happening? They're taking out

00:22:31.440 --> 00:22:33.920
crypto guys? Give it a go, JMO. How about these

00:22:33.920 --> 00:22:36.299
people that put all that money in FTX and now

00:22:36.299 --> 00:22:38.339
they say that they hired someone to hunt this

00:22:38.339 --> 00:22:40.859
guy down to find him? I don't know what anything

00:22:40.859 --> 00:22:43.109
is. Larry David's very confused. You don't know

00:22:43.109 --> 00:22:44.970
what this FTX thing is? I heard about it. I have

00:22:44.970 --> 00:22:48.950
no idea what it is. It's a channel. It's where

00:22:48.950 --> 00:22:50.710
he used to have Louis before he showed his dick.

00:22:50.890 --> 00:22:53.210
Crypto founder. Crypto founder. 30. Unexpectedly

00:22:53.210 --> 00:22:55.990
dead at 30. Unexpected. I mean, come on. It's

00:22:55.990 --> 00:22:58.390
all coming to light. What is the cause of death?

00:22:58.390 --> 00:23:00.250
Black light. What's the cause of death? Tried

00:23:00.250 --> 00:23:03.930
to be traffic, didn't he? Does it say why? No,

00:23:04.089 --> 00:23:06.109
they won't let you know. It's Epstein. Just died

00:23:06.109 --> 00:23:09.849
in his sleep. Died in his sleep. 30 -year -olds

00:23:09.849 --> 00:23:11.210
always die in their sleep. Who the fuck dies

00:23:11.210 --> 00:23:12.750
in their sleep? Look how healthy he looks, too.

00:23:12.869 --> 00:23:15.130
He's hot. Yeah, look, he's all thin and healthy.

00:23:15.390 --> 00:23:18.029
Yeah. 30 years old, dies in his sleep. Fentanyl?

00:23:18.049 --> 00:23:19.890
You think maybe fentanyl? There's a new one with

00:23:19.890 --> 00:23:21.910
the helicopter crash there. It could be. It certainly

00:23:21.910 --> 00:23:23.410
could be. That's the kind of shit they cover

00:23:23.410 --> 00:23:26.130
up. Fentanyl? Everybody wants to say their kid

00:23:26.130 --> 00:23:28.069
died of a drug, so they just go, he died in his

00:23:28.069 --> 00:23:29.569
sleep. We don't know. Well, they've been actually,

00:23:29.809 --> 00:23:31.589
it's like the numbers are so high. Yeah, but

00:23:31.589 --> 00:23:33.150
if you're a fucking billionaire, you're not dying

00:23:33.150 --> 00:23:35.440
of fentanyl. Yeah, you are. Yeah, you're getting

00:23:35.440 --> 00:23:36.880
high. You're going crazy. Yeah, but they get

00:23:36.880 --> 00:23:39.400
good coke. Usually. Usually. But someone's like,

00:23:39.460 --> 00:23:41.759
I'm breaking it out. You're partying. Look, look.

00:23:42.400 --> 00:23:45.180
Another guy. Russian billionaire. The third top

00:23:45.180 --> 00:23:47.740
cryptocurrency trader to die suddenly in recent

00:23:47.740 --> 00:23:49.700
weeks. You think that's a new wife or the original

00:23:49.700 --> 00:23:52.690
wife? That's the... That's the up. 2 .0. That's

00:23:52.690 --> 00:23:54.809
a great wife. That's the step up. Very lovely

00:23:54.809 --> 00:23:56.910
lady. Damn. She looks good. Hotter wife than

00:23:56.910 --> 00:23:59.430
Trump's. Look at him. He's a disaster. Fucking

00:23:59.430 --> 00:24:02.269
dead. He's dead now. Dunzo. Back then he was

00:24:02.269 --> 00:24:05.549
53 and barely hanging on with a bombshell. I

00:24:05.549 --> 00:24:07.430
don't want to make fun of a guy for dying, dude.

00:24:07.609 --> 00:24:09.210
I don't want to make fun of a guy for dying in

00:24:09.210 --> 00:24:12.329
a helicopter crash. That would be uncouth. Untoward.

00:24:12.349 --> 00:24:14.829
Who died in a helicopter crash? That guy. That

00:24:14.829 --> 00:24:16.710
guy did? Yeah. No, I thought he died suddenly.

00:24:16.930 --> 00:24:18.210
No, there's other guys. It was pretty quick.

00:24:18.410 --> 00:24:20.869
Helicopter crash was pretty quick. Use a helicopter

00:24:20.869 --> 00:24:23.869
crash? It'll crawl out of that. Well, I liked

00:24:23.869 --> 00:24:25.470
you when you were depressed. Now you don't return

00:24:25.470 --> 00:24:28.230
calls. You don't return calls. You don't return

00:24:28.230 --> 00:24:30.410
calls. My ratio of blues to whites in that thread

00:24:30.410 --> 00:24:33.549
is staggering. Fuck that, dude. Blues to whites.

00:24:33.710 --> 00:24:35.650
Whites always win. You don't use the dark screen

00:24:35.650 --> 00:24:37.769
for your text messages? What are you, a savage?

00:24:37.829 --> 00:24:39.410
What's a dark screen? What's that? You can go

00:24:39.410 --> 00:24:41.450
dark mode. What does that mean? Blackface? So

00:24:41.450 --> 00:24:43.150
that means when your texts show up, they look

00:24:43.150 --> 00:24:46.369
cool. Like, look, here's when you send me a text.

00:24:46.890 --> 00:24:49.720
I'll show you what it looks like. Dark mode.

00:24:50.140 --> 00:24:52.980
Like that. Yeah, but look at your blues. Yeah,

00:24:53.019 --> 00:24:55.420
blues and, oh, you mean, but it's still white

00:24:55.420 --> 00:24:57.299
text. Blues to black. Interesting. Yeah, it's

00:24:57.299 --> 00:24:59.200
like a dark gray. Oh, that's cool. That's exciting.

00:24:59.380 --> 00:25:02.680
Better. It's better. I can't wait to get drunk

00:25:02.680 --> 00:25:05.039
and turn this thing up. It's coming. We're getting

00:25:05.039 --> 00:25:06.539
lit up right now. It's going to start. You know

00:25:06.539 --> 00:25:09.319
what? We had a hard workout last night. We all

00:25:09.319 --> 00:25:11.480
got a little excited. We got lit up. We got a

00:25:11.480 --> 00:25:13.220
little lit up. I didn't even realize it. I know.

00:25:13.799 --> 00:25:16.619
I got excited. I was like, the band's back. Yeah,

00:25:16.680 --> 00:25:18.880
baby. You know what's a fun thing to do when

00:25:18.880 --> 00:25:21.039
you listen to this podcast is click forward in

00:25:21.039 --> 00:25:23.000
two hours. Yeah, I would always say. It's really

00:25:23.000 --> 00:25:25.039
funny to listen to the beginning and then just

00:25:25.039 --> 00:25:28.480
click two hours in. It's like, put it on R, Kelly.

00:25:28.859 --> 00:25:34.420
Put it on R. So just to tell you what this FTX

00:25:34.420 --> 00:25:37.039
thing is, they had this cryptocurrency, and then

00:25:37.039 --> 00:25:38.839
they had this thing called tokens. It's very

00:25:38.839 --> 00:25:41.240
difficult to explain all of it. Yeah. But the

00:25:41.240 --> 00:25:43.099
tokens weren't really backed up by anything.

00:25:43.119 --> 00:25:45.759
anything it's all like it's basically a ponzi

00:25:45.759 --> 00:25:50.059
scheme well this guy was in competition with

00:25:50.059 --> 00:25:52.819
another guy who ran another cryptocurrency exchange

00:25:52.819 --> 00:25:56.200
and this guy decided to fuck that guy and dump

00:25:56.200 --> 00:25:58.740
all of his tokens so he sold all of his tokens

00:25:58.740 --> 00:26:01.599
crashed the market and then people started trying

00:26:01.599 --> 00:26:03.180
to pull their money out and they realized there's

00:26:03.180 --> 00:26:05.279
not enough money the whole thing falls apart

00:26:05.279 --> 00:26:09.680
this is a very meathead non -economist version

00:26:09.680 --> 00:26:12.720
of it and i apologize for being uneducated about

00:26:12.720 --> 00:26:15.339
this but that's what happened and so they went

00:26:15.339 --> 00:26:17.519
from this guy went from being worth billions

00:26:17.519 --> 00:26:20.579
of dollars to like fucking nothing wow like instantly

00:26:20.579 --> 00:26:24.279
like within a week and now some Bitcoin people

00:26:24.279 --> 00:26:26.079
who lost a shitload of money because billions

00:26:26.079 --> 00:26:28.380
of dollars are lost. Not only that, billions

00:26:28.380 --> 00:26:31.039
are missing. There's billions that they can't

00:26:31.039 --> 00:26:33.920
account for. I used to have some money in here.

00:26:34.039 --> 00:26:36.940
Also, some of it got moved to another company.

00:26:36.940 --> 00:26:38.839
You can just crash everybody's currency like

00:26:38.839 --> 00:26:41.480
that. Well, this is not real currency. This is

00:26:41.480 --> 00:26:44.180
the point of all this. I had Giannis on, and

00:26:44.180 --> 00:26:46.480
Giannis was like, they're making it out of thin

00:26:46.480 --> 00:26:48.440
air, and then it goes away. Of course it fucking

00:26:48.440 --> 00:26:50.720
went away. It's not based on anything. But people

00:26:50.720 --> 00:26:52.779
are using it to buy shit. Yes. But the dollar's

00:26:52.779 --> 00:26:54.460
not based on gold anymore or anything, right?

00:26:54.539 --> 00:26:57.140
Right. But everybody has to agree. And no one's

00:26:57.140 --> 00:27:00.920
agreeing with this. Bitcoin is a stable one.

00:27:01.039 --> 00:27:03.099
What else is stable? Ethereum? US dollar? Yeah,

00:27:03.099 --> 00:27:05.529
but this still is like... This is more like financial

00:27:05.529 --> 00:27:08.650
fuckery than it is crypto fuckery. Right. It's

00:27:08.650 --> 00:27:11.829
more Bernie Madoff type Ponzi scheme shit. I'm

00:27:11.829 --> 00:27:16.150
ruined. I'm absolutely ruined. I lost about 90

00:27:16.150 --> 00:27:19.910
% of mine. It's like if anybody can have a crypto,

00:27:20.130 --> 00:27:23.109
you can all make a crypto coin. Well, then we

00:27:23.109 --> 00:27:26.089
got a whole weird situation. It's not like now

00:27:26.089 --> 00:27:28.269
we have Bitcoin. Oh, let's all use Bitcoin. It's

00:27:28.269 --> 00:27:30.789
decentralized. That makes sense. But then now

00:27:30.789 --> 00:27:32.529
you have how many coins are there? Yeah, exactly.

00:27:32.630 --> 00:27:34.150
It was Bitcoin. coin now it's like it's like

00:27:34.150 --> 00:27:36.089
tops when tops is the only trading card in town

00:27:36.089 --> 00:27:37.950
and then dom russ and fleer came in and was like

00:27:37.950 --> 00:27:39.710
none of this is worth anything those are way

00:27:39.710 --> 00:27:42.569
up by the way so tops yeah we want tangible now

00:27:42.569 --> 00:27:44.670
because everything that nft and all that horseshit

00:27:44.670 --> 00:27:46.609
let's do it let's do it trading cards are up

00:27:46.609 --> 00:27:49.630
they're huge the nft thing died the nft thing

00:27:49.630 --> 00:27:51.789
made zero sense to me made no sense died in a

00:27:51.789 --> 00:27:54.710
helicopter it's not a real What made sense was

00:27:54.710 --> 00:27:56.769
that Beeple thing that he made for us. But that's

00:27:56.769 --> 00:27:58.710
not art. But that's art. It's a piece of art.

00:27:58.750 --> 00:28:00.289
Actual art. It's something there. And it is.

00:28:00.289 --> 00:28:03.390
You own it as an NFT if you got an NFT wallet.

00:28:03.390 --> 00:28:05.390
It's still happening. Even during all this crash,

00:28:05.609 --> 00:28:09.130
big stuff happened. Say that again, Jimmy? During

00:28:09.130 --> 00:28:11.569
all this, Nike's launched a platform to sell

00:28:11.569 --> 00:28:14.150
some sort of NFT stuff. It's still going strong.

00:28:14.150 --> 00:28:16.650
Yeah, it's still happening. Why? Who's buying

00:28:16.650 --> 00:28:20.819
them? Dorks. Fucking idiots. Twinks. They were

00:28:20.819 --> 00:28:22.880
never really supposed to be worth hundreds of

00:28:22.880 --> 00:28:24.380
thousands of dollars. That's kind of the thing.

00:28:24.380 --> 00:28:27.119
Were they supposed to be worth a good rise? It's

00:28:27.119 --> 00:28:30.079
supposed to be a useful thing. Didn't Ugonzo

00:28:30.079 --> 00:28:32.559
make like a million dollars? Sure. There's a

00:28:32.559 --> 00:28:33.799
lot of people that made a bunch of money because

00:28:33.799 --> 00:28:35.599
there was a hype that people thought they could

00:28:35.599 --> 00:28:37.160
make, like Beanie Baby Run. They thought they

00:28:37.160 --> 00:28:38.779
could make money off of this. Anyone who was

00:28:38.779 --> 00:28:40.559
just greedy wanted to make money, but it's not

00:28:40.559 --> 00:28:42.220
necessarily the use that they were supposed to

00:28:42.220 --> 00:28:44.140
have. Got it. So the use they were supposed to

00:28:44.140 --> 00:28:45.980
have was just to make it so that someone has

00:28:45.980 --> 00:28:47.880
the intellectual rights to digital property.

00:28:47.880 --> 00:28:49.339
And they could make money off of it if it was.

00:28:49.390 --> 00:28:53.109
It is a good way to protect artists. And they

00:28:53.109 --> 00:28:54.769
have this in the UK. If you resell a painting,

00:28:54.910 --> 00:28:57.150
the artist gets paid again. You can't sell something

00:28:57.150 --> 00:28:58.910
for $30 ,000, have it sold seven years later

00:28:58.910 --> 00:29:00.589
for $200 million, and you're like, I get nothing?

00:29:00.890 --> 00:29:03.319
That's good. I like that. Yeah, Beanie Babies

00:29:03.319 --> 00:29:06.720
went through the shitter, too. I wonder if they

00:29:06.720 --> 00:29:09.880
changed insurance on paintings. I saw the doc

00:29:09.880 --> 00:29:11.500
on it. Trading cards, Beanie Babies. What are

00:29:11.500 --> 00:29:15.359
you, a fifth grader? Mark Norton's my money guy.

00:29:15.480 --> 00:29:17.279
He's like, fucking Beanie Babies are tanking.

00:29:17.279 --> 00:29:19.440
You want to find some Pokemon? I got you. What

00:29:19.440 --> 00:29:24.099
is that? Whoa, mushrooms? Bag of mushrooms? J

00:29:24.099 --> 00:29:27.599
-Mo. What were we just saying? Beanie Babies.

00:29:27.759 --> 00:29:32.369
Anti -Semites. No, no, no. A diva. Shit. I used

00:29:32.369 --> 00:29:34.549
to love Beanie Babies when I was a kid. I was

00:29:34.549 --> 00:29:38.130
a gay kid. Protecting artists? Really? It was

00:29:38.130 --> 00:29:39.930
one of the last things I liked that was gay.

00:29:40.329 --> 00:29:43.250
That is gay. I was old for liking Beanie Babies.

00:29:43.450 --> 00:29:45.529
That's weird. You liked Beanie Babies? How old

00:29:45.529 --> 00:29:47.269
were you? I could never buy them. I never got

00:29:47.269 --> 00:29:48.970
them. My friends had a bunch of them. How old

00:29:48.970 --> 00:29:53.450
were you? 25th, 6th grade? 6th grade? Too old

00:29:53.450 --> 00:29:55.980
for that. That's way too old. I never had them.

00:29:55.980 --> 00:29:57.299
I would go to my friend's house and he had cool

00:29:57.299 --> 00:29:58.740
Beanie Babies. Makes sense, though. Who's his

00:29:58.740 --> 00:30:01.740
friend? Milo? What? Who are your friends with?

00:30:02.059 --> 00:30:06.440
Shut up. It's a weird thing to keep as a 17 -year

00:30:06.440 --> 00:30:07.579
-old. He was a fifth grader. It was weird to

00:30:07.579 --> 00:30:11.019
save age. Is he special needs? No. All right.

00:30:11.200 --> 00:30:12.779
Dude, what are you talking about? Beanie Babies

00:30:12.779 --> 00:30:16.220
were all the rage. Oh. Not amongst boys. Not

00:30:16.220 --> 00:30:17.759
amongst boys as much. I don't really think they

00:30:17.759 --> 00:30:19.420
really were. I liked the cool Beanie Babies,

00:30:19.420 --> 00:30:20.480
dude. I'm not going to back down. Which one was

00:30:20.480 --> 00:30:21.799
the coolest one? What was your top collection?

00:30:21.839 --> 00:30:23.920
There was a black bear. Shut up. A black bear.

00:30:24.440 --> 00:30:26.759
That's fun. Jamie, bring up the black bear Beanie

00:30:26.759 --> 00:30:28.420
Baby for me. Boys could have dolls. Tell me this

00:30:28.420 --> 00:30:30.720
thing is fucking cool, dude. Boys could have

00:30:30.720 --> 00:30:32.759
dolls, but they had to be action figures. That's

00:30:32.759 --> 00:30:34.680
right. They had to inflict damage on people.

00:30:34.839 --> 00:30:37.079
Yeah. Yeah. They had a G .I. Joe with the kung

00:30:37.079 --> 00:30:40.279
fu grip. That's a good bear. That is cute. Cute

00:30:40.279 --> 00:30:41.440
little bear. You tell me you don't want that

00:30:41.440 --> 00:30:43.960
guy? That's just a fucking stuffed animal. That's

00:30:43.960 --> 00:30:45.779
fun. It's Beanie Baby. They're Asian, right?

00:30:46.380 --> 00:30:47.599
When you were fifth grade, they had what? Like

00:30:47.599 --> 00:30:50.880
fucking wooden horses? What toys did you have

00:30:50.880 --> 00:30:53.880
in your fucking village? You had a dreidel. Who

00:30:53.880 --> 00:30:59.519
do you think read more religious texts? You during

00:30:59.519 --> 00:31:01.660
your prime or Milo trying to fight off the gay?

00:31:02.920 --> 00:31:05.099
That's a good question. I bet he's reading that

00:31:05.099 --> 00:31:07.559
same page over and over again. He just can't

00:31:07.559 --> 00:31:11.420
get it. What? You read a lot of religious stuff?

00:31:11.660 --> 00:31:15.660
I was headed a certain way. All I did was study

00:31:15.660 --> 00:31:18.269
all day. Damn. Yeshiva, day and night. It didn't

00:31:18.269 --> 00:31:22.130
pay off, though. How long did it last? Two solid

00:31:22.130 --> 00:31:25.769
years in yeshiva. Ex -gay Milo dramatically interprets

00:31:25.769 --> 00:31:28.430
Bible verses. Is that him? Anti -LGBT Network's

00:31:28.430 --> 00:31:31.319
audio book. Oh, is he doing an album? Boy, he

00:31:31.319 --> 00:31:33.400
still looks gay, though, right? He does look

00:31:33.400 --> 00:31:35.460
quite gay. It's almost like you can't pray in

00:31:35.460 --> 00:31:37.859
a wet. Well, it's like you. You're never going

00:31:37.859 --> 00:31:40.180
to get rid of that face. I mean, you're stuck

00:31:40.180 --> 00:31:42.500
with the Jew forever. Yeah, I got the beak. Yeah,

00:31:42.559 --> 00:31:45.480
you got propaganda face. My special should be

00:31:45.480 --> 00:31:49.650
in 3 -D. Don't pray the gay one. Those pray the

00:31:49.650 --> 00:31:51.730
gay away things are always a bunch of gay guys,

00:31:51.769 --> 00:31:53.670
like hugging you from behind, getting boners,

00:31:53.670 --> 00:31:55.890
telling you you can fight it off. Yeah. Stay

00:31:55.890 --> 00:31:57.470
still and we'll fight this. That's what it is.

00:31:57.849 --> 00:32:00.170
I read a whole story on that once with this guy

00:32:00.170 --> 00:32:02.890
infiltrated one of them, pray the gay things

00:32:02.890 --> 00:32:05.430
away. And he's like, what is going on here? And

00:32:05.430 --> 00:32:07.769
he did a behind the scenes reporter thing. And

00:32:07.769 --> 00:32:10.109
this guy was hugging him. He had a boner pressed

00:32:10.109 --> 00:32:12.130
against his back. Damn. Because when you think

00:32:12.130 --> 00:32:15.630
about it, who's at an anti -gay camp? All gays.

00:32:15.789 --> 00:32:20.609
It's Chelsea. Was it Bruno that went and did...

00:32:21.000 --> 00:32:23.619
Ali G is Bruno. Yeah, the fashion show. He went

00:32:23.619 --> 00:32:26.299
to, I think, a pray away thing. That sounds like

00:32:26.299 --> 00:32:29.259
Bruno. Really? It's so crazy that they still

00:32:29.259 --> 00:32:31.819
do that. He's the best. They tell you you should

00:32:31.819 --> 00:32:33.839
just pray it away. Yeah, why would you? I mean,

00:32:33.880 --> 00:32:36.059
gay is good. I would love to be gay. Dude, it's

00:32:36.059 --> 00:32:37.700
one of the weirdest conversations I've ever had

00:32:37.700 --> 00:32:39.640
with people. I've had a couple of them on here

00:32:39.640 --> 00:32:42.180
where I talk about gay stuff and, like, gay rights.

00:32:42.339 --> 00:32:44.059
And I'm like, well, what do you expect a person

00:32:44.059 --> 00:32:45.440
to do if they're gay? Well, there's a lot of

00:32:45.440 --> 00:32:48.130
things that you, you know. want to do that are

00:32:48.130 --> 00:32:50.809
sins. And I was like, so do you think that people

00:32:50.809 --> 00:32:53.170
are actually gay? Do you think it's a choice?

00:32:53.390 --> 00:32:55.849
A lot of people think it's a choice. I'm like,

00:32:55.950 --> 00:32:59.210
this is just religious nonsense. You clearly

00:32:59.210 --> 00:33:02.329
don't know any gay guys. They're gay, and they're

00:33:02.329 --> 00:33:04.230
like us. They're gay as hell. They're like us,

00:33:04.269 --> 00:33:07.049
but they want to fuck guys. They're lying. Am

00:33:07.049 --> 00:33:08.609
I being bi? Yeah, they're just making fun of

00:33:08.609 --> 00:33:11.410
you. There's a lot of them. I want to see who

00:33:11.410 --> 00:33:14.329
would agree. Yeah, this guy's great. If you see

00:33:14.329 --> 00:33:17.339
Mateo... Mateo Lane, you're not like, fight it.

00:33:18.339 --> 00:33:21.859
You're gone. You're lost. It's funny to want

00:33:21.859 --> 00:33:24.740
guys to fuck chicks. It's funny to want that,

00:33:24.779 --> 00:33:26.880
to see Mateo and be like, damn, I wish you were

00:33:26.880 --> 00:33:29.900
fucking pussies. I like you, man. I wish you

00:33:29.900 --> 00:33:31.859
were fucking girls. You want him on that side.

00:33:32.000 --> 00:33:34.240
Imagine Richard Simmons saying, no, you got it

00:33:34.240 --> 00:33:37.480
wrong, Richard. You're not gay. Oh, okay. Imagine.

00:33:37.680 --> 00:33:39.420
It is weird, though, just because you're a dick,

00:33:39.539 --> 00:33:42.019
you have to talk differently. That's strange.

00:33:42.259 --> 00:33:44.660
You don't have to. The lisp is odd. It's odd.

00:33:45.039 --> 00:33:47.940
But there's a lot of guys who don't. Josh Zepps,

00:33:47.980 --> 00:33:50.240
my friend Josh Zepps. Tim Dillon. You never know.

00:33:50.359 --> 00:33:52.940
A lot of guys are just like regular guys. They're

00:33:52.940 --> 00:33:55.740
just gay. And that's why it's nonsense to tell

00:33:55.740 --> 00:33:57.819
people that they can't do it. They can't do what?

00:33:57.960 --> 00:34:00.420
They can't be gay. Or they can't get married.

00:34:01.380 --> 00:34:03.359
That's weird. It's so fucking stupid. And they

00:34:03.359 --> 00:34:04.980
want to say a marriage is only for procreation.

00:34:05.019 --> 00:34:07.559
Says who? It's a made up thing. But then you

00:34:07.559 --> 00:34:10.860
go, what about people who are barren? Exactly.

00:34:11.519 --> 00:34:14.000
I watched that conversation. He said that before.

00:34:14.159 --> 00:34:17.820
You watch it, you fucking thief. He doesn't watch

00:34:17.820 --> 00:34:20.000
anything that's not him. What are you talking

00:34:20.000 --> 00:34:21.820
about? I just look at these pictures of myself.

00:34:21.820 --> 00:34:24.300
He's trying to be mean to Ari. He's too high

00:34:24.300 --> 00:34:26.500
on himself. He's taking a fucking bait anymore.

00:34:26.519 --> 00:34:28.280
He's all of a sudden, he's killing it. Last time

00:34:28.280 --> 00:34:30.840
I made fun of him, he was like, now he's like,

00:34:30.860 --> 00:34:32.400
yeah, man. Next time he's going to be wearing

00:34:32.400 --> 00:34:34.579
a Rolex. I don't like it. I should come in with

00:34:34.579 --> 00:34:36.440
a robe with that fucking leader of the world

00:34:36.440 --> 00:34:38.400
robe. One YouTube special. You've changed. He's

00:34:38.400 --> 00:34:39.820
going to have a Rolex. You don't even protect

00:34:39.820 --> 00:34:41.840
the park anymore. I don't. Oh, you should see

00:34:41.840 --> 00:34:43.760
my park. You're a goddamn Republican now. Third

00:34:43.760 --> 00:34:45.760
rape happened at the fucking park we didn't protect.

00:34:45.900 --> 00:34:48.699
What? Jesus Christ. This is a dark fucking under

00:34:48.699 --> 00:34:51.199
construction place now. So it's just construction.

00:34:51.199 --> 00:34:52.860
The park is gone. It's a rape haven. If you're

00:34:52.860 --> 00:34:56.920
a rapist, head on down to the park. Also, what

00:34:56.920 --> 00:34:58.239
are you wearing under that? You've got something

00:34:58.239 --> 00:35:01.219
plain. You've got multiple layers. How many layers

00:35:01.219 --> 00:35:02.619
of clothes do you have? There's something underneath

00:35:02.619 --> 00:35:04.639
this. Just a shirt I found at a thrift store,

00:35:04.719 --> 00:35:06.719
guys. I don't know. Better not be a Jew star.

00:35:06.960 --> 00:35:10.119
What is this? What is this? Just a shirt I found

00:35:10.119 --> 00:35:13.500
at a thrift store. Sorry. America. America is

00:35:13.500 --> 00:35:17.820
full. Oh, Jesus. It's Trump. Oh, my God. With

00:35:17.820 --> 00:35:20.679
a bathrobe and a beer. He's got a tent hanging

00:35:20.679 --> 00:35:23.199
out. Shit is full. Where did you get that? That's

00:35:23.199 --> 00:35:25.500
amazing. Guess where I got it. Where? Mexico.

00:35:25.920 --> 00:35:29.460
That's amazing. Damn. It's the greatest shirt

00:35:29.460 --> 00:35:31.980
ever made. That's a great shirt. It's part of

00:35:31.980 --> 00:35:34.639
the print. It fits like a glove. Oh, yeah. I

00:35:34.639 --> 00:35:35.760
was wondering why you dressed like that. If I

00:35:35.760 --> 00:35:37.420
was buying that, my wife would be like, don't.

00:35:38.219 --> 00:35:40.739
Don't buy that. You're not wearing that. I was

00:35:40.739 --> 00:35:42.039
going to buy it for a liberal friend, and then

00:35:42.039 --> 00:35:43.539
I'm like, it's too early. I can wear it, too.

00:35:43.579 --> 00:35:45.820
This is so fucking fun and ironic. It's so good.

00:35:45.900 --> 00:35:47.639
You're going to fuck up a Christmas party with

00:35:47.639 --> 00:35:49.619
that in Brooklyn. Sorry, America's full. 600

00:35:49.619 --> 00:35:52.300
pesos. Isn't it funny how they have him in a

00:35:52.300 --> 00:35:54.599
bathrobe with a beer, but Trump is always wearing

00:35:54.599 --> 00:35:56.099
a suit, and he doesn't even drink? He doesn't

00:35:56.099 --> 00:35:59.659
drink. Thank God. Oh, that's it. Shitter's full.

00:36:00.159 --> 00:36:04.119
Oh, it's basically that. Oh, it is that. It's

00:36:04.119 --> 00:36:08.320
Shitter's full. Great movie. So great. That's

00:36:08.320 --> 00:36:11.239
even better. Is he holding a hose as well? No,

00:36:11.260 --> 00:36:13.340
it's the shitter hose. Yeah, but is he holding

00:36:13.340 --> 00:36:15.619
a hose? I didn't know what it was until your

00:36:15.619 --> 00:36:18.579
guys told me. I was like, what's the second level?

00:36:19.380 --> 00:36:22.420
Hilarious. That's from Christmas Vacation, right?

00:36:22.440 --> 00:36:24.780
Made in Mexico. What a great fucking movie that

00:36:24.780 --> 00:36:28.360
was. That movie holds up. All of them do. It's

00:36:28.360 --> 00:36:30.340
like a time machine, though. It's like you couldn't

00:36:30.340 --> 00:36:32.440
even make a movie like that anymore. No. Just

00:36:32.440 --> 00:36:35.519
the way people behaved with each other. Yeah,

00:36:35.539 --> 00:36:38.639
yeah, yeah, yeah. But that guy was great, Hughes.

00:36:38.840 --> 00:36:41.019
Oh, man. I mean, you go to 2013 and movies are

00:36:41.019 --> 00:36:46.219
nuts. Isn't he bat shit now? Yeah, he went crazy.

00:36:46.539 --> 00:36:48.559
Yeah, he went a little rowdy. He got a little

00:36:48.559 --> 00:36:51.780
rowdy. Like way. He got interneted. Is that what

00:36:51.780 --> 00:36:53.099
happened? Yeah, he just kept talking to people

00:36:53.099 --> 00:36:55.639
who don't know him. And then he went nuts. But

00:36:55.639 --> 00:36:57.900
I thought it was like some wacky conspiracies.

00:36:57.980 --> 00:36:59.820
Yeah. But he went deeper because everyone was

00:36:59.820 --> 00:37:01.480
like, you're wrong. He was like, fuck yeah. Oh,

00:37:01.480 --> 00:37:02.659
they started arguing with him. Is that what he

00:37:02.659 --> 00:37:04.360
looks like now? I like that. Is that David Letterman?

00:37:04.460 --> 00:37:06.250
He looks cool. That looks like a guy I'd have

00:37:06.250 --> 00:37:08.250
on my podcast to talk about aliens. It's like

00:37:08.250 --> 00:37:11.670
a Duck Dynasty or something. He'd be a guy. Well,

00:37:11.750 --> 00:37:15.409
there's nine specific kinds of aliens that we've

00:37:15.409 --> 00:37:17.429
identified. Directly at a star. How the fuck

00:37:17.429 --> 00:37:19.409
did that happen? Those guys always go too far.

00:37:19.449 --> 00:37:21.469
They start off at a way deeper place, and you're

00:37:21.469 --> 00:37:22.849
like, well, don't get me started on the Gritrothy.

00:37:22.969 --> 00:37:24.010
And you're like, I don't know what you're talking

00:37:24.010 --> 00:37:27.369
about. Randy Quaid taking into custody in Vermont

00:37:27.369 --> 00:37:30.070
trying to cross the border into Canada. That

00:37:30.070 --> 00:37:34.769
was 2015. Free Quaid. Free Quaid. Quaid. Free

00:37:34.769 --> 00:37:37.130
my man Quaid. He was a funny guy, though, man.

00:37:37.369 --> 00:37:38.889
Yeah, he was great in that movie. Really funny

00:37:38.889 --> 00:37:42.550
in movies. Cousin Eddie. That's fucking me up.

00:37:42.550 --> 00:37:44.050
I couldn't remember his name in that. That's

00:37:44.050 --> 00:37:45.730
Cousin Eddie. Did you see what Jim Carrey just

00:37:45.730 --> 00:37:49.070
left Twitter and left the craziest note? Why

00:37:49.070 --> 00:37:50.610
don't they ever just leave? They always have

00:37:50.610 --> 00:37:52.050
to say to everybody, because you're still in

00:37:52.050 --> 00:37:53.190
the system. They always have to say to everybody,

00:37:53.250 --> 00:37:56.440
look at me, I'm leaving. What did he say? I don't

00:37:56.440 --> 00:37:58.699
know. Jamie will find it. Sam Harris left, too.

00:37:59.179 --> 00:38:02.840
That's Jim Carrey? Randy Quaid appalled. Biden

00:38:02.840 --> 00:38:06.920
called him a Neanderthal. Take out the most Neanderthal

00:38:06.920 --> 00:38:09.039
-looking picture for this. How did Biden get

00:38:09.039 --> 00:38:10.800
out the word Neanderthal? I don't believe it.

00:38:10.900 --> 00:38:13.159
As a native Texan, I'm appalled that our president

00:38:13.159 --> 00:38:16.079
called me a Neanderthal. 23andMe has verified

00:38:16.079 --> 00:38:18.579
I have no Neanderthal ancestry in my genetic

00:38:18.579 --> 00:38:22.750
code. This is not to say Neanderthal lives don't

00:38:22.750 --> 00:38:25.690
matter. Just saying a lot of us Texans have grounds

00:38:25.690 --> 00:38:29.269
for a class action suit. What a psycho. He's

00:38:29.269 --> 00:38:34.510
a fun guy. As a Texan, am I appalled? I think

00:38:34.510 --> 00:38:37.469
Biden probably called Texans Neanderthals. I

00:38:37.469 --> 00:38:39.570
think we need to stuff Randy up with some mushrooms

00:38:39.570 --> 00:38:41.150
and bring him in for a podcast. Get him on here.

00:38:41.210 --> 00:38:45.829
Look at those glasses. Those are nice. Good looking

00:38:45.829 --> 00:38:49.889
dog. Nice bitch. There you go. Kingpin was gold.

00:38:50.050 --> 00:38:54.130
Kingpin was gold. I just saw that again. Oh,

00:38:54.130 --> 00:38:56.150
my God. He's so good. They're all so good in

00:38:56.150 --> 00:38:58.510
it. Yeah. Imagine trying to make a movie like

00:38:58.510 --> 00:39:00.969
that today. Fairly Brothers, yeah, with the Amish.

00:39:01.369 --> 00:39:02.969
They were at the top of the game for a while.

00:39:03.130 --> 00:39:05.829
So here he says, I'm leaving Twitter, but first

00:39:05.829 --> 00:39:07.989
here's a cartoon I made with my friend Jimmy

00:39:07.989 --> 00:39:10.690
Hayward. It's based on my painting of a crazy

00:39:10.690 --> 00:39:13.829
old lighthouse keeper standing naked in a storm,

00:39:13.969 --> 00:39:16.570
summoning the angels and shining his lamp to

00:39:16.570 --> 00:39:19.059
guide us through a treacherous night. I love

00:39:19.059 --> 00:39:23.099
you all so much. Oy vey. What? Okay. Already

00:39:23.099 --> 00:39:26.519
then. He posts this thing, which is like a lighthouse

00:39:26.519 --> 00:39:30.820
with crazy lights, and then it's a naked guy,

00:39:30.840 --> 00:39:42.480
but you don't see his dong. Oh, fun. This seems

00:39:42.480 --> 00:39:47.099
healthy. Got the middle finger up. Oh, yeah.

00:39:47.679 --> 00:39:51.980
Let's do the soup fuck. Looks like McGregor now.

00:39:57.340 --> 00:40:00.340
All right. What the fuck? Good way to go out

00:40:00.340 --> 00:40:01.800
there, Terry. That's a funny way to go out, actually.

00:40:01.900 --> 00:40:04.719
He never really tweets again. Just that? So bizarre.

00:40:05.440 --> 00:40:07.659
So bizarre. I love you all. Here's this weird

00:40:07.659 --> 00:40:09.780
cartoon of a naked guy screaming in the rain.

00:40:10.199 --> 00:40:11.280
Maybe we should edit that. Let's get some of

00:40:11.280 --> 00:40:14.239
these Beanie Babies going again. Let's fire this

00:40:14.239 --> 00:40:16.500
baby. Clean the pile a little bit. Here we go.

00:40:16.780 --> 00:40:20.219
Yeah. Fire it up, dude. I am every Star Wars

00:40:20.219 --> 00:40:23.119
action figure. That's pretty sick. No, he doesn't.

00:40:23.139 --> 00:40:25.320
I do. I really do. Boba Fett was a big one for

00:40:25.320 --> 00:40:28.960
me. That was a hot item. Yeah. Use the real lighter.

00:40:29.000 --> 00:40:34.239
That one's a bitch -ass lighter. You see the

00:40:34.239 --> 00:40:36.059
thing I was thinking about the monks? Yeah, crazy.

00:40:36.340 --> 00:40:40.920
They kicked all these monks out of the monastery

00:40:40.920 --> 00:40:45.469
because they're all high on meth. Yeah. There's

00:40:45.469 --> 00:40:48.329
always something. Every monk in the Thai temple

00:40:48.329 --> 00:40:51.690
defrocked after testing positive for meth. Every

00:40:51.690 --> 00:40:54.409
monk. Look at her. She's got a mask on outside.

00:40:55.329 --> 00:40:59.429
That's a ton of meth. That's monk meth? I want

00:40:59.429 --> 00:41:01.510
to try that meth. They're going off. Monk meth.

00:41:01.650 --> 00:41:03.489
The brown, the white, the green. It's beautiful.

00:41:03.710 --> 00:41:05.329
They never talk. That's got to be the fucking

00:41:05.329 --> 00:41:07.070
hardest thing in the world. They have a vow of

00:41:07.070 --> 00:41:09.070
silence on meth. They're meditating. They were

00:41:09.070 --> 00:41:11.550
trying to figure out how to meditate longer.

00:41:11.710 --> 00:41:13.489
And well, we need some amphetamines up in this

00:41:13.489 --> 00:41:15.309
bitch. But how do you not have a convo? You ever

00:41:15.309 --> 00:41:18.610
done meth? No one shuts up. Jamie, can you bring

00:41:18.610 --> 00:41:21.170
it? What is it? 50 cents a pill. That's 50 cents

00:41:21.170 --> 00:41:22.889
a pill. It's only cost 50 cents a pill. 50 cents

00:41:22.889 --> 00:41:25.010
is nothing. Wow. I can get that cheaper in Mexico.

00:41:25.530 --> 00:41:29.559
Yaba. Sell for less than 50 cents. Meth and Yaba

00:41:29.559 --> 00:41:31.920
can easily be found in every corner of Thailand.

00:41:32.639 --> 00:41:34.960
Supply is up everywhere. And at this point, a

00:41:34.960 --> 00:41:39.530
tablet is cheaper than a beer. UNDOC's Jeffrey

00:41:39.530 --> 00:41:42.570
Douglas Tai Inquirer. Good time out there. Last

00:41:42.570 --> 00:41:44.449
month, Hong Kong reportedly made its biggest

00:41:44.449 --> 00:41:48.190
ever seizure of meth, finding 1 .8 metric tons

00:41:48.190 --> 00:41:52.170
of liquid meth hidden in cartons of coconut water

00:41:52.170 --> 00:41:55.730
en route for Australia. Wow. How did they know?

00:41:55.909 --> 00:41:58.909
Someone's a rat. Someone's a rat. Authorities

00:41:58.909 --> 00:42:02.150
in August found two tons of meth hidden in marble

00:42:02.150 --> 00:42:05.110
tiles shipped from the Middle East to Sydney

00:42:05.110 --> 00:42:07.000
in what police describe as a... largest ever

00:42:07.000 --> 00:42:10.480
seizure of illicit drugs in Australia. Also in

00:42:10.480 --> 00:42:13.800
August, Mexican soldiers seized almost 1 .5 tons

00:42:13.800 --> 00:42:18.980
of meth and 328 pounds of apparent powdered fentanyl

00:42:18.980 --> 00:42:21.619
at a checkpoint in the northern state of Sonora.

00:42:21.800 --> 00:42:25.159
You know how much fucking 328 pounds of, that'll

00:42:25.159 --> 00:42:27.260
kill everyone on this fucking planet. I know,

00:42:27.280 --> 00:42:29.039
and meth makes you horny, so they must have been

00:42:29.039 --> 00:42:31.039
really plowing in the temple. In July, more than

00:42:31.039 --> 00:42:34.539
5 ,000 pounds of meth was found in a record -breaking

00:42:34.539 --> 00:42:36.920
seizure in Southern California. Go back to the

00:42:36.920 --> 00:42:40.119
girl in the top of the video with her wearing

00:42:40.119 --> 00:42:41.860
that mask. I don't even think she's outside.

00:42:42.539 --> 00:42:46.699
I think she was outside. No. That's why she's

00:42:46.699 --> 00:42:49.139
wearing a mask. Just click on that. Pause. How

00:42:49.139 --> 00:42:52.099
old was this? We're going to look at this in

00:42:52.099 --> 00:42:54.099
the future. How old is this? Like last week.

00:42:54.260 --> 00:42:57.360
No. Yes. 2022. Why are they still doing the mask?

00:42:57.360 --> 00:42:59.480
No, this week. Excuse me. Because they're crazy.

00:42:59.739 --> 00:43:01.159
This is back when my special was only at 4 .1

00:43:01.159 --> 00:43:03.659
million. I've said it before. I'll say it again.

00:43:03.980 --> 00:43:06.920
That mask is a fucking Democrat's MAGA hat. That's

00:43:06.920 --> 00:43:09.019
what they're doing. Interesting. The fact that

00:43:09.019 --> 00:43:10.800
she thinks she needs to wear that, for sure that

00:43:10.800 --> 00:43:13.340
lady is boosted and tested and they're working

00:43:13.340 --> 00:43:15.059
on a television show. I'd give her a boost. I

00:43:15.059 --> 00:43:16.980
bet you would. Very attractive. Give her a Johnson.

00:43:19.219 --> 00:43:21.559
Balls. There's going to be videos that we look

00:43:21.559 --> 00:43:23.800
at in the future. There's going to be videos

00:43:23.800 --> 00:43:25.280
that we look at in the future that we're going

00:43:25.280 --> 00:43:28.659
to hear the mouth behind. We're going to go,

00:43:28.699 --> 00:43:30.920
what the fuck? That time and place. It'll really

00:43:30.920 --> 00:43:33.539
mark a time. Is she L .A.? Oh, yeah. KCAL 9 is

00:43:33.539 --> 00:43:35.559
L .A., right? It's L .A. You got to do it in

00:43:35.559 --> 00:43:37.199
L .A. In L .A., you still have to wear a mask.

00:43:37.199 --> 00:43:39.300
Dude, in the Bay, everyone's hiking with masks,

00:43:39.480 --> 00:43:41.440
wide alone. It's just like they're still holding

00:43:41.440 --> 00:43:45.159
on to it. It is a badge of honor. It's hilarious.

00:43:45.420 --> 00:43:47.900
It's a masquerade. It's hilarious. And if everybody

00:43:47.900 --> 00:43:49.219
else is doing it. That was your best one. That

00:43:49.219 --> 00:43:50.960
was a pretty good one. It might have been your

00:43:50.960 --> 00:43:52.400
best one. If everybody's doing it, you feel like

00:43:52.400 --> 00:43:53.980
you have to do it or you're a piece of shit.

00:43:54.119 --> 00:43:56.639
Yep. Like when we went to see Roger Waters, we

00:43:56.639 --> 00:43:58.780
had to wear masks. Oh, it's so funny seeing Rogan

00:43:58.780 --> 00:44:01.820
going, I'll do this, but only because I got backstage

00:44:01.820 --> 00:44:03.059
access. Wait, you had to wear masks? We had to

00:44:03.059 --> 00:44:05.380
wear masks backstage. I would love to see you

00:44:05.380 --> 00:44:07.840
putting that thing on. I made everybody put it

00:44:07.840 --> 00:44:09.699
on. Put it on. I was one of those guys. Put your

00:44:09.699 --> 00:44:13.039
fucking mask on, bro. But the guy who was the

00:44:13.039 --> 00:44:15.519
security guy there, I was talking. I'm like,

00:44:15.579 --> 00:44:18.019
what's going on? He goes, it's just a way to

00:44:18.019 --> 00:44:20.860
let everybody know that you're a leftist. That's

00:44:20.860 --> 00:44:23.659
what he said. That guy was great. It's just a

00:44:23.659 --> 00:44:25.800
way to let everybody know you're a leftist. I'm

00:44:25.800 --> 00:44:27.920
like, that is what it is. We bought a bunch of

00:44:27.920 --> 00:44:30.300
blow on my bachelor party, and we tested it.

00:44:30.760 --> 00:44:32.420
For fentanyl. That's right. I made them. Oh,

00:44:32.519 --> 00:44:33.820
man, I would have loved that. That was you? I

00:44:33.820 --> 00:44:37.000
made your test. Oh, good call. Yeah. Unless you

00:44:37.000 --> 00:44:39.739
test all of it, how do you know? You test one

00:44:39.739 --> 00:44:41.480
little chunk, it doesn't have it. It's not like

00:44:41.480 --> 00:44:43.739
there's a fucking even distribution of fentanyl

00:44:43.739 --> 00:44:44.960
in your coke. No, you can shake it up and test

00:44:44.960 --> 00:44:47.219
it back. Do we know that? Is that how it works?

00:44:47.219 --> 00:44:49.820
That's how you do it. They're not making this

00:44:49.820 --> 00:44:51.659
stuff in the same places they make fucking...

00:44:51.659 --> 00:44:53.219
Yeah, I know, but don't they mix it in together?

00:44:53.219 --> 00:44:55.619
Yeah, no, you have tester kits. They work. Kids,

00:44:55.880 --> 00:44:58.019
always use tester kits. Yes, use tester kits,

00:44:58.159 --> 00:45:01.710
but... What I'm saying is if you're buying this

00:45:01.710 --> 00:45:04.489
stuff, you don't know how it's mixed. You don't

00:45:04.489 --> 00:45:06.710
know if you're getting one piece from one batch

00:45:06.710 --> 00:45:08.650
and one piece from another batch. You scoop up

00:45:08.650 --> 00:45:10.650
a piece. You just got to let your friends go

00:45:10.650 --> 00:45:11.570
first. They're not making it in the same place

00:45:11.570 --> 00:45:15.210
they make Tylenol. No. But still, you shake up

00:45:15.210 --> 00:45:17.690
the bag and then scoop the bag and test that.

00:45:17.710 --> 00:45:19.849
Or find the one person that you could live without.

00:45:20.440 --> 00:45:22.440
There you go first. You go here. Do you want

00:45:22.440 --> 00:45:24.619
to bump? All right, Tony. Dude, I got 10 hits

00:45:24.619 --> 00:45:28.039
of acid once, and Jason Rouse was like, where'd

00:45:28.039 --> 00:45:29.579
you get it from? I'm like, just some guy. I don't

00:45:29.579 --> 00:45:31.719
test it. He goes, we want to test for you? So

00:45:31.719 --> 00:45:34.900
I gave him one, and he came back two hours later.

00:45:34.960 --> 00:45:36.539
It's great. I'm like, here's your tip. Here's

00:45:36.539 --> 00:45:39.119
another one for later. I mean, legalizing it

00:45:39.119 --> 00:45:44.019
would save everybody. You could just get it from

00:45:44.019 --> 00:45:46.860
CVS. But there would definitely be people who

00:45:46.860 --> 00:45:49.760
died. Oh, yeah. The question is, like, Do more

00:45:49.760 --> 00:45:52.320
die from it being legal than die from it being

00:45:52.320 --> 00:45:53.980
illegal. I mean, if cocaine's legal, that would

00:45:53.980 --> 00:45:57.659
be wild. I'd break it out. I'd do it. I'd do

00:45:57.659 --> 00:46:00.139
it. It wouldn't be cut. It would be coke. I mean,

00:46:00.139 --> 00:46:02.480
pure. Yeah. You could make it. It's not like

00:46:02.480 --> 00:46:05.460
it's expensive to make. You just say, I mean,

00:46:05.519 --> 00:46:06.719
I don't know, but he's an expert. I mean, it's

00:46:06.719 --> 00:46:08.119
expensive to make, but it's not like you can't

00:46:08.119 --> 00:46:11.260
sell it and make a profit, is my point. Dia said

00:46:11.260 --> 00:46:13.400
the only reason people overdose is because of

00:46:13.400 --> 00:46:15.800
the cut. Because in the pure days, nobody OD'd

00:46:15.800 --> 00:46:17.880
on it. Really? That's what he says, and he's

00:46:17.880 --> 00:46:20.849
more of an expert than I am. Mmm. Fat cokehead.

00:46:21.010 --> 00:46:23.670
He knows things. Exactly. But it's one of those

00:46:23.670 --> 00:46:25.809
things where you're telling me I can have whiskey,

00:46:25.909 --> 00:46:27.409
but you're telling me I can't have pot. You're

00:46:27.409 --> 00:46:29.550
telling me, you know, and then, well, pot? We're

00:46:29.550 --> 00:46:30.909
going to legalize pot? What about mushrooms?

00:46:31.010 --> 00:46:32.809
Oh, we're not ready for that yet. Who are you?

00:46:33.250 --> 00:46:37.110
Who are you? Who the fuck are you? I'm 55 years

00:46:37.110 --> 00:46:40.789
old. Who was some other man my age to tell me

00:46:40.789 --> 00:46:43.929
what I can and can't do? Shut the fuck up, dude.

00:46:43.929 --> 00:46:46.349
Yeah, that's America, dude. Let's go. I pay my

00:46:46.349 --> 00:46:49.849
taxes, bitch. I'm a good citizen. Fuck off. This

00:46:49.849 --> 00:46:52.630
is nonsense. And if you let them do it with that,

00:46:52.750 --> 00:46:55.130
then they can do it with other shit. When they

00:46:55.130 --> 00:46:57.030
got you wearing a mask while you're on KTLA.

00:46:57.190 --> 00:46:59.550
What does other countries do? Don't other countries

00:46:59.550 --> 00:47:03.110
allow heroin and shit? Portugal dropped way...

00:47:05.019 --> 00:47:06.900
They decriminalized things. They saw a much lower

00:47:06.900 --> 00:47:10.519
case of addictions. Violence. Violence. Crime

00:47:10.519 --> 00:47:12.659
drops. You put the same money you were putting

00:47:12.659 --> 00:47:14.500
into fighting the crimes, fighting the drugs,

00:47:14.599 --> 00:47:16.699
you put that into rehab and therapy for the people

00:47:16.699 --> 00:47:19.019
who can't handle it. Oh, I like it. Which is

00:47:19.019 --> 00:47:21.599
what we should do here. Yeah. I would try heroin

00:47:21.599 --> 00:47:23.780
in a second. I would try heroin. Safe heroin.

00:47:23.980 --> 00:47:25.719
That's not going to help. God, I want legal best.

00:47:26.139 --> 00:47:28.820
I just want to see what it's all about. Safe,

00:47:28.940 --> 00:47:32.139
clean heroin. Just a little snort. Ooh, now we're

00:47:32.139 --> 00:47:35.119
talking. Shut up, Mark. You won't even eat that

00:47:35.119 --> 00:47:36.840
chocolate. Yeah, Mark. Well, I don't want to

00:47:36.840 --> 00:47:38.900
say I don't want to go full Michael Richards

00:47:38.900 --> 00:47:41.500
on it. Go Michael Richards. I've lost a few people

00:47:41.500 --> 00:47:44.539
to those pills, though. Which pills? Oxy's. The

00:47:44.539 --> 00:47:46.820
red pill? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Those are bad.

00:47:47.000 --> 00:47:48.800
And no one cares about that. It's like a huge

00:47:48.800 --> 00:47:51.480
epidemic. It's scary shit, man. Because the senator's

00:47:51.480 --> 00:47:53.440
wives are all doing them. Oh, yeah. Fucking do

00:47:53.440 --> 00:47:54.860
something about it. Oh, so many people are doing

00:47:54.860 --> 00:47:57.900
them. Oh, my back. Bam. And you're on. Brett

00:47:57.900 --> 00:47:59.599
Favre got addicted to it. It's hard to say. Like,

00:47:59.639 --> 00:48:01.300
you guys give me painkillers now. I can't stop.

00:48:01.519 --> 00:48:05.690
Yeah. Help me out. And if you had a mild dose

00:48:05.690 --> 00:48:08.829
every day, just a mild scooching through life

00:48:08.829 --> 00:48:11.250
with a little... Yeah, Favre's got a hog. No,

00:48:11.289 --> 00:48:14.010
he doesn't. He's got a hog. Jamie, bring up Brett

00:48:14.010 --> 00:48:15.650
Favre's dick. Don't put it on screen. Put it

00:48:15.650 --> 00:48:17.809
for us. He's got a real pig skin. I promise you

00:48:17.809 --> 00:48:19.170
he doesn't. It's a picture that went around.

00:48:19.269 --> 00:48:20.489
Just Google it on your phone. He was like one

00:48:20.489 --> 00:48:21.369
of the first dick pics ever. Just do it on your

00:48:21.369 --> 00:48:23.309
phone so I don't have to see it. No, show it.

00:48:23.530 --> 00:48:27.329
Make Joe see it. Tape his eyes open. Eyes wide

00:48:27.329 --> 00:48:32.440
shut. Yeah, I think he sent it to a comic. He

00:48:32.440 --> 00:48:34.559
sent it to the girl who became a comic, yeah.

00:48:34.780 --> 00:48:38.179
Quigley? Oh, she became a comic after she saw

00:48:38.179 --> 00:48:40.400
his dick? Isn't it funny that our dream is everyone's

00:48:40.400 --> 00:48:44.099
last -ditch effort on their way down? It's like,

00:48:44.159 --> 00:48:46.400
they can't seem to get rid of those guys. Maybe

00:48:46.400 --> 00:48:49.000
it'll be one of them. Yeah. Brent Favre's dick

00:48:49.000 --> 00:48:53.219
is minuscule. Wait a minute. Come on. Minuscule?

00:48:53.599 --> 00:48:55.619
He's going to want to come on the podcast and

00:48:55.619 --> 00:48:57.599
defend himself. That is not a football game.

00:48:57.679 --> 00:49:01.340
He's like, listen. No! I feel great. That's the

00:49:01.340 --> 00:49:02.840
one he's been looking at, the top left on the

00:49:02.840 --> 00:49:05.039
related. He's like, listen, I was on pills. I

00:49:05.039 --> 00:49:07.320
was really tired. He's no packer. By the way,

00:49:08.260 --> 00:49:09.920
dick size means nothing. Brett Favre is the man,

00:49:09.980 --> 00:49:12.420
other than embezzling some money out of him.

00:49:12.840 --> 00:49:14.719
The state of Mississippi. No, that ruled. What

00:49:14.719 --> 00:49:16.780
did he do? That ruled. Uh -oh. What did he do?

00:49:17.000 --> 00:49:20.199
I think he made a lot of, I think he took COVID

00:49:20.199 --> 00:49:22.619
relief. Give me one of them pouches. I'm still

00:49:22.619 --> 00:49:24.480
trying to figure out if I can actually survive.

00:49:25.739 --> 00:49:27.659
You fuck. We better ring that cooler in here.

00:49:27.840 --> 00:49:29.360
Every time I've tried to use one of these, I

00:49:29.360 --> 00:49:32.280
go. Zim, it kills you. It gets me all fucking

00:49:32.280 --> 00:49:33.760
pass out -y. You're going to have a jolt. The

00:49:33.760 --> 00:49:36.320
taste of it is what gets me. Let's think we got,

00:49:36.340 --> 00:49:39.679
you got nicotine, you got alcohol. Yeah, this

00:49:39.679 --> 00:49:41.960
is how we get true, dude. Mushrooms, whiskey.

00:49:42.509 --> 00:49:45.230
It's mixing. It's mixing is the problem. I'm

00:49:45.230 --> 00:49:50.210
not ready. You sound like a meth monk. Those

00:49:50.210 --> 00:49:53.750
guys must be going wild. They're grinding their

00:49:53.750 --> 00:49:58.230
teeth while humming. Thanks, sir. Oh, off the

00:49:58.230 --> 00:50:00.829
mic, folks. Yeah, Brett Favre is the man, dude.

00:50:00.869 --> 00:50:03.050
I forgive him for what he did in Mississippi.

00:50:03.429 --> 00:50:06.670
So what did he do here? Brett Favre got $6 million

00:50:06.670 --> 00:50:10.289
in welfare funds for a volleyball stadium? By

00:50:10.289 --> 00:50:12.409
the way, who wrote this article? Pittman. Anthony

00:50:12.409 --> 00:50:14.170
Pittman. And William Pittman. Two brothers. I'm

00:50:14.170 --> 00:50:17.429
sure they're his husband. Are they? Oh. Are you

00:50:17.429 --> 00:50:19.329
sure? No, they look alike. What about, maybe

00:50:19.329 --> 00:50:21.449
they're brothers. Could be brothers. Brothers

00:50:21.449 --> 00:50:22.969
in butt sacks. So does that, do you not want

00:50:22.969 --> 00:50:25.550
only gay dudes who try to tear down Brett Favre?

00:50:25.829 --> 00:50:28.349
Oh, well let's see what he said. Fudgebacker.

00:50:28.369 --> 00:50:30.829
I don't like that he made me feel a crack. What

00:50:30.829 --> 00:50:33.130
did he actually do? Did he? No, he took a bunch

00:50:33.130 --> 00:50:35.909
of money for whatever, and then he made a volleyball

00:50:35.909 --> 00:50:37.829
stadium for the college he went to. Southern

00:50:37.829 --> 00:50:41.429
Miss. Is that so wrong? Allegedly. Did he know?

00:50:41.769 --> 00:50:43.889
No, I think it was just a fund he put his name

00:50:43.889 --> 00:50:45.989
on. I don't think he was embezzling it. Imagine

00:50:45.989 --> 00:50:47.809
if you're a part of something, you don't know

00:50:47.809 --> 00:50:49.630
how they're running it, and then you find out

00:50:49.630 --> 00:50:52.210
they're taking welfare money and building the

00:50:52.210 --> 00:50:56.070
most frivolous bullshit thing. People are starving

00:50:56.070 --> 00:50:59.210
to death, and they're homeless. Girls, volleyball

00:50:59.210 --> 00:51:00.909
needs a stadium. Yeah, but volleyball and my

00:51:00.909 --> 00:51:03.690
kid, this is a school. We can get the money this

00:51:03.690 --> 00:51:05.610
way if we just sign a couple of lines. I don't

00:51:05.610 --> 00:51:07.760
know enough about it. about what the allegations

00:51:07.760 --> 00:51:09.760
are. Don't just make up facts. I feel like he

00:51:09.760 --> 00:51:11.460
was just barely associated with it. He wasn't

00:51:11.460 --> 00:51:12.980
running it out there. Of course he wasn't running

00:51:12.980 --> 00:51:14.239
it. If you're in Mississippi and you're turning

00:51:14.239 --> 00:51:17.159
on Favre, you suck. You suck. The only thing

00:51:17.159 --> 00:51:18.940
he ever did wrong was giving up that free sack

00:51:18.940 --> 00:51:21.420
to that guy to set the record. That was bullshit.

00:51:21.619 --> 00:51:24.659
You ever hear him talk about how many concussions

00:51:24.659 --> 00:51:28.019
he's had? No. He talks like Biden. It's crazy.

00:51:28.300 --> 00:51:32.139
He said he's had like a hundred. Wow. CTE, no

00:51:32.139 --> 00:51:35.440
joke. See, I know we talked about it recently.

00:51:35.679 --> 00:51:37.940
See if you can find, there was an article recently

00:51:37.940 --> 00:51:39.559
about how many concussions he's had. He said

00:51:39.559 --> 00:51:44.019
a thousand. A thousand! That's wrong. In a radio

00:51:44.019 --> 00:51:46.340
interview, Favre estimated that he suffered from

00:51:46.340 --> 00:51:50.079
an astounding 1 ,000 concussions. How do you

00:51:50.079 --> 00:51:52.159
know it's wrong? Sounds like something Beetlejuice

00:51:52.159 --> 00:51:54.860
would say. Okay, let's do the math. 1 ,000 concussions?

00:51:55.059 --> 00:51:56.820
Until recently, he believed he only suffered

00:51:56.820 --> 00:51:59.079
three concussions because that was the number

00:51:59.079 --> 00:52:01.219
of times he was knocked unconscious. 50 a year?

00:52:01.400 --> 00:52:04.400
Wow, that's a lot. But dude, he's playing football

00:52:04.400 --> 00:52:06.679
all the time. No, he didn't get 1 ,000. No, he

00:52:06.679 --> 00:52:08.900
didn't get 1 ,000. Come on. 1 ,000 concussions,

00:52:08.940 --> 00:52:11.119
he would be dead. No. Do you understand what

00:52:11.119 --> 00:52:13.780
a concussion actually is? Do you know if you

00:52:13.780 --> 00:52:15.860
get punched in the body, you can get a concussion?

00:52:16.059 --> 00:52:18.300
Oh, boy. Here we go. No, literally. You easily

00:52:18.300 --> 00:52:20.539
would. You would die. No, literally. You would

00:52:20.539 --> 00:52:21.599
pass away. You would be concussed by that harsh

00:52:21.599 --> 00:52:24.400
statement. Ouch! You were around for leather

00:52:24.400 --> 00:52:26.260
helmets. You got funnier since this fucking thing

00:52:26.260 --> 00:52:30.780
came out, too. He's more loose! He's back! Big

00:52:30.780 --> 00:52:32.679
six million number and the Holocaust is forgiven.

00:52:33.420 --> 00:52:35.940
Maybe I was wrong. It's not real. Only he can

00:52:35.940 --> 00:52:37.760
say that. It's the perfect time for you. This

00:52:37.760 --> 00:52:40.380
is your time, Ari. You're having a moment. Common

00:52:40.380 --> 00:52:43.119
misconceptions about concussions. Concussions

00:52:43.119 --> 00:52:45.099
require head trauma. While severe blow to the

00:52:45.099 --> 00:52:47.199
head will often result in a concussion, it's

00:52:47.199 --> 00:52:49.280
not a requirement for the diagnosis. A person

00:52:49.280 --> 00:52:51.900
can have a concussion by sudden acceleration

00:52:51.900 --> 00:52:55.420
or decelerated change of movement. Most commonly,

00:52:55.460 --> 00:52:57.860
this is a whiplash motion. I think I got it.

00:52:57.960 --> 00:52:59.989
I got hit in the lip in an Uber. I'll admit,

00:53:00.110 --> 00:53:03.449
a lift. And somebody hit us from behind. It went

00:53:03.449 --> 00:53:05.610
like that. The whole rest of the day. You didn't

00:53:05.610 --> 00:53:07.969
want to say lift. Yeah, it's cheap. No more lifts.

00:53:08.210 --> 00:53:09.570
I'm doing better now that I have four more than

00:53:09.570 --> 00:53:11.630
it hits. We'll throw a lift. It's fine. But anyway,

00:53:11.750 --> 00:53:13.110
the whole rest of the day, I couldn't concentrate.

00:53:14.230 --> 00:53:17.219
It was cloudy. Concussions can cause you to lose

00:53:17.219 --> 00:53:18.980
your memory. It's possible to experience some

00:53:18.980 --> 00:53:21.599
memory deficits, particularly of the events leading

00:53:21.599 --> 00:53:23.760
up to a moment of concussion. However, memory

00:53:23.760 --> 00:53:26.460
loss is not required for a diagnosis. Now, if

00:53:26.460 --> 00:53:28.500
you just take into account how many times he

00:53:28.500 --> 00:53:31.559
collided with enormous men. How many super athletes?

00:53:32.609 --> 00:53:34.670
Can you have seven in a practice? Oh, yeah. In

00:53:34.670 --> 00:53:36.630
a three -hour practice? Yeah, definitely. Well,

00:53:36.730 --> 00:53:38.909
then maybe I believe it. You 100 % can sparring.

00:53:39.389 --> 00:53:41.289
Seven concussions in a day? I've been dinged

00:53:41.289 --> 00:53:43.630
up sparring and gone right back in with another.

00:53:44.030 --> 00:53:46.909
We always used to do that. We used to get rocked.

00:53:46.909 --> 00:53:49.250
If that's the case, I've had several concussions.

00:53:49.369 --> 00:53:51.590
I don't know. I've had a lot of them. I know

00:53:51.590 --> 00:53:54.139
I've had a lot of them. Dang. I've never been

00:53:54.139 --> 00:53:56.980
knocked unconscious, but I got TKO'd in a kickboxing

00:53:56.980 --> 00:53:58.900
match. So that's definitely one. Kick to the

00:53:58.900 --> 00:54:01.539
head? No, it was a punch. And then I got dropped

00:54:01.539 --> 00:54:03.099
with a left hook. Then he finished me off with

00:54:03.099 --> 00:54:06.300
an uppercut after I got up. And that is just

00:54:06.300 --> 00:54:08.780
one. Pull it up. But that's nothing compared

00:54:08.780 --> 00:54:11.880
to all the other times I got hit in just training.

00:54:12.280 --> 00:54:14.860
Yeah. He said, Brett Favre says you get tackled

00:54:14.860 --> 00:54:17.019
and your head hits the turf. You see flashes

00:54:17.019 --> 00:54:18.860
of light are ringing in your ears, but you're

00:54:18.860 --> 00:54:21.380
able to play. That's a concussion. Yeah, that's

00:54:21.380 --> 00:54:22.900
a concussion. They're still able to do it. Wow.

00:54:23.159 --> 00:54:26.119
So based on that, he said, I've suffered thousands.

00:54:26.599 --> 00:54:28.900
Had to be because every time I headed the turf,

00:54:28.960 --> 00:54:31.539
there was ringing or stars going, flashbulbs.

00:54:31.539 --> 00:54:33.780
Wow. But I was still able to play. 100%. Guys,

00:54:33.800 --> 00:54:35.639
I was wrong. I admit I was wrong. I'm a big man.

00:54:36.400 --> 00:54:38.219
Thank you. And I'm able to admit that I was wrong.

00:54:38.300 --> 00:54:40.480
Far of rules. And he has had over a thousand.

00:54:40.619 --> 00:54:43.099
Sorry I said his dick was minuscule. It's a decent

00:54:43.099 --> 00:54:44.760
dick. It's a fine penis. You just didn't know

00:54:44.760 --> 00:54:46.519
you were supposed to harden it up. It's an absolutely

00:54:46.519 --> 00:54:48.760
fine penis. Imagine if every time you got punched,

00:54:48.860 --> 00:54:51.860
your dick shrank a little bit. Oh, that's my.

00:54:52.010 --> 00:54:54.710
excuse. Imagine that. You could be the champion

00:54:54.710 --> 00:54:55.889
of the world. Yeah, every time you got punched.

00:54:55.969 --> 00:54:57.989
Even if you win the fight. You retire. You start

00:54:57.989 --> 00:55:00.250
out with 10 inches. And every time you get ding,

00:55:00.349 --> 00:55:03.369
ding. Quarter inch. You do a press conference.

00:55:03.730 --> 00:55:05.889
How did you feel your performance was? It was

00:55:05.889 --> 00:55:09.989
good. I lost an eighth inch. Look at him. I'm

00:55:09.989 --> 00:55:12.269
a dick, but I'm pretty happy. Look at him. He's

00:55:12.269 --> 00:55:13.769
like, fuck, you gotta get better to get back

00:55:13.769 --> 00:55:15.369
in the game. Poor guy. How hard did he go down?

00:55:16.000 --> 00:55:18.619
Good for him. Look at him stiff -arming this

00:55:18.619 --> 00:55:21.019
guy. What a fucking warrior. Got rid of it. Helping

00:55:21.019 --> 00:55:23.800
girls volleyball. Oh, bam. You see his head go

00:55:23.800 --> 00:55:26.800
down? Oh, my God. And he's just holding it. And

00:55:26.800 --> 00:55:28.860
his head just bounces off the ground. And those

00:55:28.860 --> 00:55:30.199
helmets are supposed to protect you. Got a face

00:55:30.199 --> 00:55:32.440
mask. No, no, it doesn't really. Oh, my God.

00:55:32.460 --> 00:55:34.440
That's such a hard hit. They did start protecting

00:55:34.440 --> 00:55:37.219
quarterbacks. Oh, he holds his head. Oh, my God.

00:55:37.300 --> 00:55:38.639
Look at him. Poor guy. Make that thing fill with

00:55:38.639 --> 00:55:41.500
pillows. Yeah, it doesn't. It's not as bad as

00:55:41.500 --> 00:55:43.539
your skull hitting the ground, but the impact

00:55:43.539 --> 00:55:45.980
in the brain is the same. It's hard stuff. So

00:55:45.980 --> 00:55:48.539
it protects the skull, but the impact inside

00:55:48.539 --> 00:55:50.949
of the head is the same. It's worse with the

00:55:50.949 --> 00:55:52.630
helmets. With the leather helmets, they actually

00:55:52.630 --> 00:55:55.030
had less concussion. I don't know. I used to

00:55:55.030 --> 00:55:56.650
think that too, but then I read this thing about

00:55:56.650 --> 00:56:00.150
rugby guys. Those guys are getting fucking bad

00:56:00.150 --> 00:56:04.389
CTV. Back in the day, dudes would die. No. Oh,

00:56:04.449 --> 00:56:07.050
yeah. It was mostly whitey. Yeah, whiteys kill

00:56:07.050 --> 00:56:08.989
each other, too. Whiteys are kind of the best

00:56:08.989 --> 00:56:11.269
at killing. Are you taking notes? True. Genocide.

00:56:11.269 --> 00:56:13.250
They kill the most people. A lot of genocide.

00:56:13.329 --> 00:56:15.730
The British, my God. Stop doing this, dude. It's

00:56:15.730 --> 00:56:18.650
a podcast. Come on. This is bad radio. What are

00:56:18.650 --> 00:56:21.269
you doing, Ari? Nothing. Do you like me for real?

00:56:21.269 --> 00:56:26.349
Yes or no? I'm telling you, he got funnier, dude.

00:56:26.510 --> 00:56:28.530
This is never up to this, dude. No. He's better.

00:56:28.710 --> 00:56:30.510
All his jokes are like, I'm going to say something

00:56:30.510 --> 00:56:33.909
crazy. Now he's funny. Do you feel better? I

00:56:33.909 --> 00:56:36.050
feel better getting this thing out. Yeah. Yeah,

00:56:36.110 --> 00:56:38.469
I got it out. People are loving it, but I'm just

00:56:38.469 --> 00:56:40.070
like. But you like feel personally better. You

00:56:40.070 --> 00:56:42.090
seem like you feel better. You're lighter. Yeah,

00:56:42.130 --> 00:56:44.469
it was an incompletion that I, you know. And

00:56:44.469 --> 00:56:45.690
now you got to ride it. You got to ride the wave

00:56:45.690 --> 00:56:48.650
because you can slope down again. Yeah. So you

00:56:48.650 --> 00:56:50.210
got to keep it up. Look at these fucking filling

00:56:50.210 --> 00:56:51.789
your head with poison. No, I'm just saying, stay

00:56:51.789 --> 00:56:54.969
on the wave. Don't talk to guys like that. This

00:56:54.969 --> 00:56:57.150
could fall apart. I hope you saved your money.

00:56:57.449 --> 00:56:59.250
It could. You got to ride the wave, especially

00:56:59.250 --> 00:57:01.010
right now. You're not going to leave for like

00:57:01.010 --> 00:57:02.690
a month or anything, are you? Don't go to Guatemala.

00:57:02.969 --> 00:57:05.170
I am going for a few weeks out. What are you

00:57:05.170 --> 00:57:06.690
doing? I'm just going to get lost for a few weeks.

00:57:06.690 --> 00:57:07.610
You got to ride the wave. I'm not riding the

00:57:07.610 --> 00:57:09.170
wave. I just did a Joe Rogan episode. Are you

00:57:09.170 --> 00:57:11.510
crying? There goes your career. Are you crying

00:57:11.510 --> 00:57:15.190
because you're so happy? No one deserves it less,

00:57:15.329 --> 00:57:18.369
honestly. Hear, hear. I can't believe it's working

00:57:18.369 --> 00:57:21.570
out for you. I was in there trying to respond

00:57:21.570 --> 00:57:23.590
to comments and keep the thing going. A lot of

00:57:23.590 --> 00:57:25.230
them was like, Joe keeps talking about this guy.

00:57:25.389 --> 00:57:26.909
And I was like, finally, I'll give him a chance.

00:57:27.110 --> 00:57:29.789
And I guess for once he was right. For once?

00:57:30.010 --> 00:57:32.349
What the fuck? It was a nasty thing to say to

00:57:32.349 --> 00:57:35.170
me and Mark. Ouch. I didn't know you would be

00:57:35.170 --> 00:57:37.409
like this. What about the sex? Is it better now

00:57:37.409 --> 00:57:42.989
that you have some money? I got $22 ,000 on YouTube.

00:57:42.989 --> 00:57:46.090
Is the sex better now that you've got some money?

00:57:46.389 --> 00:57:48.590
Which isn't green. No, it makes it worse. Yeah,

00:57:48.710 --> 00:57:51.250
it was fun. Poor fucking. Poor fucking's great.

00:57:51.329 --> 00:57:52.690
Poor fucking is the best. Poor fucking's only

00:57:52.690 --> 00:57:54.559
great when you're not poor anymore. When you

00:57:54.559 --> 00:57:56.320
look back, oh, that poor fucking was amazing.

00:57:56.780 --> 00:57:59.500
When you're poor fucking, you're like, God, I

00:57:59.500 --> 00:58:01.260
hope I didn't get her pregnant. What time is

00:58:01.260 --> 00:58:03.500
it? I am hungry. How much money do I have in

00:58:03.500 --> 00:58:06.079
the bank? $5? That chlamydia pill is not cheap

00:58:06.079 --> 00:58:10.380
either. And a lot of stinky veg out there. Also,

00:58:10.380 --> 00:58:12.280
you're happy, but you're not happy because you're

00:58:12.280 --> 00:58:15.840
still trying to get to the thing. The thing is,

00:58:15.880 --> 00:58:18.219
people get a little bit of success. They go,

00:58:18.639 --> 00:58:20.059
oh, it was fun back in the day when I didn't

00:58:20.059 --> 00:58:22.400
know. But it wasn't then. It's only fun now.

00:58:22.559 --> 00:58:27.079
It's like second. hand fun. There's levels of

00:58:27.079 --> 00:58:29.460
fun. Steve Rinella taught me this. There's fun

00:58:29.460 --> 00:58:31.300
where it's fun while you're doing it, like a

00:58:31.300 --> 00:58:33.039
roller coaster, but you never talk about that.

00:58:33.280 --> 00:58:34.579
Remember when we went on that roller coaster?

00:58:35.000 --> 00:58:36.960
There's certain things that fucking suck while

00:58:36.960 --> 00:58:38.579
you're doing them, but then afterwards, they're

00:58:38.579 --> 00:58:41.760
fun to talk about. They're fun for years. I remember

00:58:41.760 --> 00:58:43.199
I used to open for Louie, and he'd be like, I

00:58:43.199 --> 00:58:44.820
would kill to be in your position, just running

00:58:44.820 --> 00:58:47.059
around, doing sets. You know they're laughing

00:58:47.059 --> 00:58:48.219
at you because you're actually funny. It's not

00:58:48.219 --> 00:58:49.639
because you're a celebrity. Then when he got

00:58:49.639 --> 00:58:53.650
canceled, I was like, hey, you're back. He didn't

00:58:53.650 --> 00:58:55.809
like that. It is true that you just have to focus

00:58:55.809 --> 00:58:58.349
on the good parts. All those young comics, you

00:58:58.349 --> 00:59:00.670
should appreciate it. There was some great times.

00:59:00.710 --> 00:59:03.190
The problem with those young comics is we don't

00:59:03.190 --> 00:59:05.050
know if they're going to make it. That's one

00:59:05.050 --> 00:59:06.610
of the scariest things about our business. We

00:59:06.610 --> 00:59:09.710
are salmon going up that waterfall, and there's

00:59:09.710 --> 00:59:12.570
a shit ton of bears up there. Not all of us make

00:59:12.570 --> 00:59:15.230
it. Most of us don't make it. You got out of

00:59:15.230 --> 00:59:17.070
a bear's mouth. I got right in the bear's mouth.

00:59:19.050 --> 00:59:23.349
What's up? You guys been there? Oh, we got three

00:59:23.349 --> 00:59:27.050
bears out there right now. Woo. Oh, yeah. Your

00:59:27.050 --> 00:59:32.389
people love salmon. I fucking hate you guys,

00:59:32.469 --> 00:59:34.409
dude. If you don't get canceled by the comedy

00:59:34.409 --> 00:59:37.329
community, if they're still fucking with you,

00:59:37.429 --> 00:59:40.449
you just get through it. You just get through

00:59:40.449 --> 00:59:43.389
it. Yeah, you got through it. And now people

00:59:43.389 --> 00:59:45.210
get to see. Now, like, what's the big deal? Oh,

00:59:45.250 --> 00:59:46.849
they see it. Like, oh, he's a fucking talented

00:59:46.849 --> 00:59:49.130
artist. Shane fucking set the groundwork for

00:59:49.130 --> 00:59:53.329
it. For real. You're an artist. He is. I think

00:59:53.329 --> 00:59:56.650
he's an artist. I don't know about artists. It's

00:59:56.650 --> 00:59:58.869
just we're a weird kind of artist. It sounds

00:59:58.869 --> 01:00:01.530
gross when you say it. Autistic integrity. Every

01:00:01.530 --> 01:00:03.030
other artist is happy you call them an artist.

01:00:03.230 --> 01:00:05.889
You call a comic an artist. They have to be pretentious.

01:00:06.449 --> 01:00:08.789
I'm making a lot of dick jokes. The guy's a Subway

01:00:08.789 --> 01:00:10.349
sandwich artist. When you tell Dom Ireri he's

01:00:10.349 --> 01:00:13.369
an artist, he's like, what is this? What are

01:00:13.369 --> 01:00:17.190
you doing with these words? He was a funny guy.

01:00:17.510 --> 01:00:21.280
Oh, he still is. Dom's an animal. Sounds great.

01:00:21.519 --> 01:00:23.519
Don Marrera from the Rodney Dangerfield special.

01:00:23.800 --> 01:00:24.980
That's right. That's what we should bring back

01:00:24.980 --> 01:00:27.300
at the Mothership. Those were killer. Do like

01:00:27.300 --> 01:00:28.539
a Rodney Dangerfield style comedy special. Young

01:00:28.539 --> 01:00:31.159
Comedian special. Yeah. 100%. Kinnison, Hicks,

01:00:31.239 --> 01:00:35.579
Seinfeld. Yes, yes. Lenny Clark. Don Marrera.

01:00:35.619 --> 01:00:38.039
Who else? Lots of people. Lots of people. Robert

01:00:38.039 --> 01:00:39.800
Townsend. Here's some people you should know.

01:00:40.599 --> 01:00:42.599
Roseanne, that's how she popped. Robert Schimmel.

01:00:42.980 --> 01:00:45.260
Schimmel was so funny. Schimmel was the man.

01:00:45.519 --> 01:00:47.019
Because Kinison went from Bob, I think he was

01:00:47.019 --> 01:00:48.880
on Bob Nelson and Saget's. And they're funny,

01:00:48.980 --> 01:00:50.699
but they're doing like that style, that 80s style

01:00:50.699 --> 01:00:52.760
comedy. And Kinison's like, hey, I'm going to

01:00:52.760 --> 01:00:55.320
completely mix this up. Oh, yeah. You see his

01:00:55.320 --> 01:00:57.619
Letterman? It's unreal. He goes into the audience.

01:00:57.820 --> 01:00:59.260
Letterman's just like, it's because you know

01:00:59.260 --> 01:01:01.199
he saw him at the store. Yeah. And so he goes,

01:01:01.300 --> 01:01:03.579
guys, this next guy, like he's presenting to

01:01:03.579 --> 01:01:06.219
a crowd. Let's play it. Let's play it. Play Kinison

01:01:06.219 --> 01:01:10.130
on Letterman. Enjoy. I don't know. Yeah, Chris

01:01:10.130 --> 01:01:12.210
Rock said he's the first guy to change the format.

01:01:12.429 --> 01:01:14.289
Who? He did. Kenison. Kenison. Yeah. He was the

01:01:14.289 --> 01:01:16.769
first guy to let me know that you could do that.

01:01:16.849 --> 01:01:18.550
Before he played that, hold on a second. He was

01:01:18.550 --> 01:01:19.730
an old comic. Let me tell you this. This is a

01:01:19.730 --> 01:01:21.489
story that, this is how I've told the story on

01:01:21.489 --> 01:01:24.059
the podcast. If you've heard it, I'm sorry. I

01:01:24.059 --> 01:01:27.460
was working as a fitness trainer at the Boston

01:01:27.460 --> 01:01:29.420
Athletic Club. I was 19 years old. And there

01:01:29.420 --> 01:01:30.940
was this girl that worked the front desk. She

01:01:30.940 --> 01:01:33.239
was hilarious. This fucking real Boston girl.

01:01:33.420 --> 01:01:35.460
She was like a volleyball player. Big fucking

01:01:35.460 --> 01:01:37.559
strong girl. She was hilarious though. Like real

01:01:37.559 --> 01:01:39.519
brash. Sounds hot. She was hot. She was hot.

01:01:39.619 --> 01:01:42.079
I like the Boston accent. So her and I were talking.

01:01:42.119 --> 01:01:43.880
She goes, oh my God, you got to see this fucking

01:01:43.880 --> 01:01:46.099
comedian, Sam Kinison. I saw him last night.

01:01:46.139 --> 01:01:48.780
It's so funny. She goes outside in the parking

01:01:48.780 --> 01:01:52.960
lot and she redoes his bit about homosexual necrophilia.

01:01:53.199 --> 01:01:56.260
We're paying money to spend time with the freshest

01:01:56.260 --> 01:01:58.139
male corpse. This girl's on her stomach in the

01:01:58.139 --> 01:02:00.860
parking lot going, oh, oh, you mean life keeps

01:02:00.860 --> 01:02:03.300
fucking in the ass even after you're dead? It

01:02:03.300 --> 01:02:06.440
never ends. I am doubled over laughing. Just

01:02:06.440 --> 01:02:09.480
me and her in the parking lot. And then I went

01:02:09.480 --> 01:02:13.800
and found the special at a video store. That's

01:02:13.800 --> 01:02:16.659
nuts. A recreation of it. Yeah. Wow. That's crazy.

01:02:16.699 --> 01:02:19.179
Her recreation of it got me into Kinnison. Wait,

01:02:19.239 --> 01:02:21.170
wait, before you press play. He looks exactly

01:02:21.170 --> 01:02:22.969
like Demi Lovato giving a tour of her house.

01:02:23.309 --> 01:02:25.210
That smile. That crazy smile. Looks like Jim

01:02:25.210 --> 01:02:27.070
Carrey pretending to be David Letterman. Right.

01:02:27.409 --> 01:02:29.269
That's what he looks like. Look at him. He was

01:02:29.269 --> 01:02:32.630
a funny guy. Okay, well, we're in for something

01:02:32.630 --> 01:02:34.710
now, folks. My next guest is making his network

01:02:34.710 --> 01:02:36.530
television debut tonight, and we believe it's

01:02:36.530 --> 01:02:39.130
long overdue. He is one of the strangest and

01:02:39.130 --> 01:02:42.250
most original comedians working today. Brace

01:02:42.250 --> 01:02:45.670
yourselves. I'm not kidding. Please welcome Sam

01:02:45.670 --> 01:02:48.519
Kinison. that's a great intro do they already

01:02:48.519 --> 01:02:51.340
know him he's got screams look at this swagger

01:02:51.340 --> 01:02:55.920
look at the swagger car accident his head up

01:02:55.920 --> 01:03:01.840
and he changed he used to be a pastor there's

01:03:01.840 --> 01:03:03.880
still time to call the church and call all this

01:03:03.880 --> 01:03:10.039
off i know a lot of you come here you watch tv

01:03:10.039 --> 01:03:14.110
you wait every night For somebody to come on

01:03:14.110 --> 01:03:16.510
here and give you an answer for your lives, waiting

01:03:16.510 --> 01:03:18.590
for someone that'll come and say, hey, this is

01:03:18.590 --> 01:03:21.150
it. I don't have to settle for defeat anymore.

01:03:21.429 --> 01:03:24.570
I can rise up out of my routine. I can get a

01:03:24.570 --> 01:03:27.849
hold of myself. I don't have to lose. I can win.

01:03:28.150 --> 01:03:31.329
There's something inside me that's not going

01:03:31.329 --> 01:03:33.929
to let me go down anymore. But I'm not the guy.

01:03:36.389 --> 01:03:42.269
No, I don't have any answers for you. but I can

01:03:42.269 --> 01:03:44.949
tell you about one thing. Oh, yeah, yeah, you

01:03:44.949 --> 01:03:47.190
think you're safe, huh? You people over here,

01:03:47.230 --> 01:03:48.730
you think you're safe? Do you think you're safe?

01:03:48.750 --> 01:03:51.090
What's your name? Lou? He's doing crowd work.

01:03:51.289 --> 01:03:53.449
Lou, you ever been married? Confidence. It's

01:03:53.449 --> 01:03:54.429
like, all right. Will you do me a favor? Well,

01:03:54.429 --> 01:03:55.809
this is a bit he used to do. If you ever think

01:03:55.809 --> 01:03:57.670
you want to get married, if you ever think you've

01:03:57.670 --> 01:03:59.570
met the right woman, you want to settle down,

01:03:59.849 --> 01:04:03.349
you want to get a house, you want to get a car,

01:04:03.409 --> 01:04:04.809
maybe raise a family, do me a favor, will you,

01:04:04.849 --> 01:04:12.539
Lou? Remember this face. That's why I was like,

01:04:12.639 --> 01:04:14.539
yeah, he's wearing a fucking football jersey.

01:04:19.239 --> 01:04:24.820
Look at that guy clapping so hard against his

01:04:24.820 --> 01:04:37.199
wife. That was the opener. That guy lived for

01:04:37.199 --> 01:04:42.610
six months off that. They get to go back to work

01:04:42.610 --> 01:04:45.989
and go, Kinnison, they gestured to me. Yeah,

01:04:45.989 --> 01:04:49.750
where's this guy? That's not me, all right? I'm

01:04:49.750 --> 01:04:51.570
trying to help here. I'm trying to do a good

01:04:51.570 --> 01:04:55.050
thing. I was married for two years. My life was

01:04:55.050 --> 01:04:56.989
so boring, I actually worried about my yard.

01:05:01.960 --> 01:05:04.199
That's my friends with goals, careers, visions.

01:05:04.519 --> 01:05:05.940
We're doing things with our lives. I was out

01:05:05.940 --> 01:05:09.440
there looking for crabgrass. Weeds and stuff.

01:05:09.539 --> 01:05:11.860
Going, I have a responsibility to the neighborhood.

01:05:12.579 --> 01:05:18.440
There is a weed here. And then that doesn't happen.

01:05:18.500 --> 01:05:20.800
You have kids. Have you seen those guys? Those

01:05:20.800 --> 01:05:22.579
guys in the malls with the strollers. Have you

01:05:22.579 --> 01:05:26.239
seen them? With that look on their face like

01:05:26.239 --> 01:05:38.519
they envy the dead. It's so harsh. It's so bleak.

01:05:38.960 --> 01:05:48.059
Yeah. It's so bleak. I buy it every time, though,

01:05:48.059 --> 01:05:50.880
I swear I do. I buy it every time. I love women.

01:05:50.920 --> 01:05:52.519
I can't help it. I buy it every time. Love comes

01:05:52.519 --> 01:05:56.480
to me and goes, come on. Come on. Yes, this is

01:05:56.480 --> 01:06:00.699
love. Yeah, come on. Trust it. I know you've

01:06:00.699 --> 01:06:04.059
been in love before. This is love. I wouldn't

01:06:04.059 --> 01:06:06.760
lie to you eight times in a row. Come on. Come

01:06:06.760 --> 01:06:08.480
on, open the door. Let's see what we have for

01:06:08.480 --> 01:06:21.179
you. Oh, he lied to me again! I keep going for

01:06:21.179 --> 01:06:23.019
that same kind of love, too, man, that Van Gogh

01:06:23.019 --> 01:06:24.599
kind of love. You know, we walk in, you go, hey,

01:06:24.639 --> 01:06:26.619
you owe me so much, I don't even want to pay

01:06:26.619 --> 01:06:41.909
now! I know half America right now is going,

01:06:42.030 --> 01:06:46.409
what are we watching? What kind of comedy is

01:06:46.409 --> 01:06:48.389
this? Is this the man that was prophesied to

01:06:48.389 --> 01:06:49.869
come out of the sea and control this headache?

01:06:50.949 --> 01:06:54.949
No. No, I'm not him. I'm just a comic with some

01:06:54.949 --> 01:06:57.949
weird fashion choices, but... Say what? Those

01:06:57.949 --> 01:07:01.610
chocolates hit just in time for this. Read your

01:07:01.610 --> 01:07:04.289
Bibles, your New Testaments, your Taurus, your

01:07:04.289 --> 01:07:06.070
Taurus, whatever you think will protect you.

01:07:06.110 --> 01:07:10.349
You're not safe. But I'm trying to help I do

01:07:10.349 --> 01:07:12.110
the best I can folks. That's where I do. I do

01:07:12.110 --> 01:07:14.769
the best I can Like this world hunger thing.

01:07:14.869 --> 01:07:17.489
I'm really involved with it Just like you I see

01:07:17.489 --> 01:07:20.469
the same commercials as little kids out there

01:07:20.469 --> 01:07:24.710
Hungry now watch this on TV at I'm home. I'm

01:07:24.710 --> 01:07:26.869
going gone. You know, I'm a son throw it how

01:07:26.869 --> 01:07:29.510
cruel Because I know the film crew could give

01:07:29.510 --> 01:07:39.380
this kid a sandwich This is like the evolution

01:07:39.380 --> 01:07:42.000
of that bit, right? Because you're seeing the

01:07:42.000 --> 01:07:45.099
early, early stages of that bit. Come on, you

01:07:45.099 --> 01:07:46.519
know there's a director five feet away going,

01:07:46.599 --> 01:07:51.539
don't beat him yet! That's good. Carlin said

01:07:51.539 --> 01:07:53.659
he saw that bit and he was like, oh shit, he

01:07:53.659 --> 01:07:57.760
got nervous. Like, I gotta step it up. Wow. We're

01:07:57.760 --> 01:08:02.820
losing daylight, we are losing daylight! Losing

01:08:02.820 --> 01:08:05.699
potential. But I'm not trying to make fun of

01:08:05.699 --> 01:08:06.980
World Hunger. If you want to do something about

01:08:06.980 --> 01:08:10.019
World Hunger, I think I have an answer. I think

01:08:10.019 --> 01:08:13.099
a lot of people are adopting this attitude. You

01:08:13.099 --> 01:08:14.699
want to do something about World Hunger? Stop

01:08:14.699 --> 01:08:18.619
sending them food. I mean, that's network television.

01:08:18.739 --> 01:08:23.600
I'll be the first. Stop sending them food. Don't

01:08:23.600 --> 01:08:26.640
send them any more food. You want to help these

01:08:26.640 --> 01:08:31.560
people? Send them U -Hauls. Send them boxes,

01:08:31.760 --> 01:08:33.460
you know, some luggage. Send them a guy out there

01:08:33.460 --> 01:08:36.649
who goes, hey! Hey, you know, we just drove 750

01:08:36.649 --> 01:08:39.149
miles across the desert with your food, and it

01:08:39.149 --> 01:08:40.869
occurred to us that there wouldn't be roll hunger

01:08:40.869 --> 01:08:45.310
if you people would live where the food is! You

01:08:45.310 --> 01:08:49.449
live in a desert! Do you understand that? You

01:08:49.449 --> 01:08:54.750
live in a desert! Nothing grows there! Nothing

01:08:54.750 --> 01:09:01.229
grows there! Oh, the swing! How much time did

01:09:01.229 --> 01:09:03.170
he do? Let me see. He went as long as he could

01:09:03.170 --> 01:09:05.770
go. They played him in the middle of a word.

01:09:05.949 --> 01:09:07.869
He did two bits. They're like, he's done, he's

01:09:07.869 --> 01:09:10.050
done. Get him off. He did marriage and then the

01:09:10.050 --> 01:09:16.670
food bit. What year was that, Jamie? 85. Man,

01:09:16.930 --> 01:09:22.149
you were what, 31? No. 85. Shit was about to

01:09:22.149 --> 01:09:24.649
change. I was 18. That was his network television

01:09:24.649 --> 01:09:26.430
debut. He had done Young Comedians. And I found

01:09:26.430 --> 01:09:28.130
out about him when I was 19. I found out about

01:09:28.130 --> 01:09:31.569
him in 86 when he did HBO. So it was all popping.

01:09:31.569 --> 01:09:33.960
He hadn't done any TV? I think that was his first

01:09:33.960 --> 01:09:35.739
television appearance, period. What were there,

01:09:35.800 --> 01:09:38.720
18 comics back then? There's like 1 ,000 now.

01:09:38.920 --> 01:09:40.640
There's probably like 50 then. The ball's on

01:09:40.640 --> 01:09:42.520
David Letterman to go. I think that was in the

01:09:42.520 --> 01:09:44.600
middle, but if that was in the 80s, you've got

01:09:44.600 --> 01:09:46.920
to realize that was the comedy boom. There was

01:09:46.920 --> 01:09:49.060
comedy clubs everywhere. There was a lot of comedy

01:09:49.060 --> 01:09:51.579
clubs. There was five of them in one block area

01:09:51.579 --> 01:09:56.100
of Boston. Jesus. In 88 in Boston, there was

01:09:56.100 --> 01:09:58.539
Nick's Comedy Stop, then there was a Comedy Connection,

01:09:58.560 --> 01:10:00.340
and then above the Comedy Connection was the

01:10:00.340 --> 01:10:02.520
Comedy Club at the Charles, and then across the

01:10:02.520 --> 01:10:07.140
street was Duck Soup. It was called Duck Soup,

01:10:07.220 --> 01:10:10.199
and then half a block away was Dick Daugherty's

01:10:10.199 --> 01:10:12.699
Comedy Vault. Yeah. There had to be somebody

01:10:12.699 --> 01:10:15.579
going, hey, I'm going to be the guy who talks

01:10:15.579 --> 01:10:18.920
normal, who's not like a comedian. Not Cosby.

01:10:19.060 --> 01:10:21.000
Yeah, not like doing the standard shit, and he

01:10:21.000 --> 01:10:23.729
just saw a void. Well, he was a preacher, right?

01:10:23.750 --> 01:10:25.810
And he had rage. He figured out a way to take

01:10:25.810 --> 01:10:28.729
that preacher energy and convert it into comedy.

01:10:28.810 --> 01:10:29.989
And then he's hanging out with all these rock

01:10:29.989 --> 01:10:32.289
stars. Because he did these late night sets at

01:10:32.289 --> 01:10:35.050
the store, that's how he became infamous. People

01:10:35.050 --> 01:10:37.270
would come see him, and they were like, where's

01:10:37.270 --> 01:10:39.329
that guy? What time is he going up? And it was

01:10:39.329 --> 01:10:41.090
like a word of mouth thing. They would go to

01:10:41.090 --> 01:10:43.130
see the Kinison set. To this day, they call it

01:10:43.130 --> 01:10:44.569
the Kinison set. The late night. The late night

01:10:44.569 --> 01:10:46.829
spot. Really? He'd come in at 1230, no one cared.

01:10:46.970 --> 01:10:48.649
Drunk with his friends, with like six or seven

01:10:48.649 --> 01:10:51.090
top level stars. You saw him? No, no, no. Oh.

01:10:51.399 --> 01:10:53.880
I got there years after he died. When did he

01:10:53.880 --> 01:10:58.880
die? He died in, I want to say like 92. Oh. Yeah.

01:10:59.100 --> 01:11:00.960
Somewhere around then. But they said he'd bring

01:11:00.960 --> 01:11:02.159
people from the rain room. They'd all party.

01:11:02.199 --> 01:11:03.239
So no one cared because he's like, you're not

01:11:03.239 --> 01:11:05.420
really bumping anybody. It's 1230. There's just

01:11:05.420 --> 01:11:07.640
poppins anyway. Right. And he'd make it suddenly

01:11:07.640 --> 01:11:10.960
get packed. He died in 92. He died. I remember

01:11:10.960 --> 01:11:14.539
when he died because I was in New York and I

01:11:14.539 --> 01:11:17.619
was in my apartment and it was on MTV News. Whoa.

01:11:17.840 --> 01:11:20.500
Oh my God. I remember not hearing about it because

01:11:20.500 --> 01:11:22.680
I was in Yeshiva. So you got to realize it wasn't

01:11:22.680 --> 01:11:27.140
even a 10 year run. So from 86 to 92 is when

01:11:27.140 --> 01:11:30.319
he was big. He was already topped off. Not just

01:11:30.319 --> 01:11:33.859
topped off, but heavily declined. If you listen

01:11:33.859 --> 01:11:37.279
to his first special, and then, well, he's got

01:11:37.279 --> 01:11:38.859
like the album. Louder Than Hell. The album's

01:11:38.859 --> 01:11:40.619
good. Louder Than Hell's good. You can only get

01:11:40.619 --> 01:11:42.560
it on cassette now. I got that one on vinyl.

01:11:42.739 --> 01:11:44.979
Whoa. It's hard to get. That's a good find. And

01:11:44.979 --> 01:11:47.479
then there was the special, the HBO special.

01:11:47.739 --> 01:11:49.340
What was that called? Young Comedian Special.

01:11:49.680 --> 01:11:52.140
Oh, maybe that one's Louder Than Hell. No, no,

01:11:52.159 --> 01:11:53.560
no. Louder Than Hell is definitely the cassette.

01:11:53.699 --> 01:11:56.420
And then there was the HBO special. And then

01:11:56.420 --> 01:11:58.939
it was like a year and a half or so later, he

01:11:58.939 --> 01:12:01.180
put out a new special, and it was not good. It

01:12:01.180 --> 01:12:03.260
was rough. Was that the girls on chains he brought

01:12:03.260 --> 01:12:06.939
in? He bought into who he was. Exactly. He got

01:12:06.939 --> 01:12:09.779
audience capture. So Louder Than Hell was 86.

01:12:10.060 --> 01:12:12.420
Breaking the Rules was 87, and that one was not

01:12:12.420 --> 01:12:15.100
good. Have You Seen Me Lately, 88, also not good.

01:12:15.340 --> 01:12:18.060
The rest of them are not good. Isn't that sad,

01:12:18.359 --> 01:12:21.520
huh? It's sad. He was just partying. Yeah. You've

01:12:21.520 --> 01:12:24.000
got to work at it. You've ever read Brother Bill?

01:12:24.500 --> 01:12:27.460
Bill Kennison wrote it. His brother Bill. It's

01:12:27.460 --> 01:12:29.600
really good. Brother Sam it's called. The book's

01:12:29.600 --> 01:12:31.760
called Brother Sam. But his brother wrote this

01:12:31.760 --> 01:12:34.239
book about what happened, and he's real honest

01:12:34.239 --> 01:12:37.739
about it. He stopped writing. He used to write

01:12:37.739 --> 01:12:39.600
constantly. He always had new material, but then

01:12:39.600 --> 01:12:42.020
he was partying and doing coke and hanging out

01:12:42.020 --> 01:12:44.319
with Jon Bon Jovi, making music videos. He was

01:12:44.319 --> 01:12:46.760
the talk of the town. He forgot the work that

01:12:46.760 --> 01:12:48.119
goes into it. That's every star. They just forget.

01:12:48.170 --> 01:12:49.430
Get the work that goes into it. But it wasn't

01:12:49.430 --> 01:12:51.789
even 10 years, man. It was right away. That's

01:12:51.789 --> 01:12:54.630
what's crazy. 86 to 92. That's his heyday. There

01:12:54.630 --> 01:12:56.789
were 38 and a half comics back then. Now you're

01:12:56.789 --> 01:12:59.569
right. There wasn't many. Damn. Didn't he get

01:12:59.569 --> 01:13:01.310
hit by a drunk driver? Yep. How funny is that?

01:13:01.310 --> 01:13:03.350
After he did jokes about drunk driving. We're

01:13:03.350 --> 01:13:04.909
going to drink. We're going to drive. We're going

01:13:04.909 --> 01:13:06.970
to pull it off because we do it every fucking

01:13:06.970 --> 01:13:09.909
night. This guy was not in the show. He was coming

01:13:09.909 --> 01:13:11.850
the other way. He wasn't in the show. You ever

01:13:11.850 --> 01:13:13.449
think about the amount of times you drank and

01:13:13.449 --> 01:13:17.060
drove and just made it? I came back from a Stanhope

01:13:17.060 --> 01:13:18.600
show at King King or somewhere in Hollywood,

01:13:18.659 --> 01:13:20.220
running back to the comic store for the last

01:13:20.220 --> 01:13:22.880
call, drunk, hit someone in front of the Saddle

01:13:22.880 --> 01:13:25.340
Ranch. What? And I was like, oh, this exchange

01:13:25.340 --> 01:13:26.939
insurance is trying to keep it together. A cop

01:13:26.939 --> 01:13:28.420
slowed down, and I was like, we're good, we're

01:13:28.420 --> 01:13:33.340
good, we're good. Holy shit. I'm like, no, no,

01:13:33.380 --> 01:13:36.319
we're good. Damn, I sideswiped a bunch of cars

01:13:36.319 --> 01:13:39.020
once with my mom's Lexus. And she was like, what

01:13:39.020 --> 01:13:40.800
happened? I was like, car was parked. Somebody

01:13:40.800 --> 01:13:43.720
sideswiped me. Wow. Now she knows. Now she knows.

01:13:43.739 --> 01:13:46.279
Don't believe your son. God damn it, Mark. She's

01:13:46.279 --> 01:13:49.279
dead, Jesse D. Oh, she played a lot of football?

01:13:49.600 --> 01:13:56.270
Oh, yeah. She loved those black players. I thought

01:13:56.270 --> 01:13:59.189
you were going to say pigskin. Oh, yeah. I thought

01:13:59.189 --> 01:14:00.529
you were going to go with pigskin. Where's he

01:14:00.529 --> 01:14:02.109
going to go with this one? I tossed you a ball.

01:14:02.229 --> 01:14:04.270
He didn't have any. That's hard. That's hard.

01:14:04.930 --> 01:14:08.850
That's what he came up with. Let's play that

01:14:08.850 --> 01:14:13.090
back. Let me redo that. I think I've lit this

01:14:13.090 --> 01:14:16.069
thing up 14 times. Can I tell you guys how excited

01:14:16.069 --> 01:14:18.350
I've been for doing this? I can't get high like

01:14:18.350 --> 01:14:20.989
you guys. Yeah, you can. Just stop being a pussy.

01:14:20.989 --> 01:14:24.390
I literally walked out that door like. Those

01:14:24.390 --> 01:14:26.590
things are, I don't know why. That's a little

01:14:26.590 --> 01:14:30.289
stronger than people. That's a wonky joint, too.

01:14:30.329 --> 01:14:33.029
I've been doing that a little bit every day.

01:14:33.430 --> 01:14:37.590
Building a tolerance. A little bit. I don't think

01:14:37.590 --> 01:14:40.810
it's a tolerance. It puts me in a nice place.

01:14:41.109 --> 01:14:43.869
Just pass it. Hey, public service announcement.

01:14:44.130 --> 01:14:45.590
If somebody hands you a joint and you don't smoke,

01:14:45.810 --> 01:14:47.510
don't fucking talk about you're on your own smoke.

01:14:47.670 --> 01:14:50.449
Just fucking pass it on. Ari Shafir Jew, it's

01:14:50.449 --> 01:14:52.750
available right now on YouTube. I was in the

01:14:52.750 --> 01:14:56.869
middle of a talk on climate change. I cut a promo

01:14:56.869 --> 01:14:58.949
in the middle of a talk on climate change. This

01:14:58.949 --> 01:15:00.430
guy was talking about climate change, bringing

01:15:00.430 --> 01:15:03.720
up charts. I'm setting him up. How bad are candles?

01:15:04.399 --> 01:15:06.079
I'm like, are candles bad? He's like, oh, terrible,

01:15:06.380 --> 01:15:07.840
terrible for the environment. I go, interesting.

01:15:08.199 --> 01:15:12.659
Because Ari Shaffir, we played a clip with all

01:15:12.659 --> 01:15:15.079
the candles. Pitch and hold a promo into a fucking

01:15:15.079 --> 01:15:18.359
talk with a scientist. That was great. You could

01:15:18.359 --> 01:15:20.760
see him not knowing where to go. He's like, okay.

01:15:21.039 --> 01:15:22.739
Because up until that moment, I had been totally

01:15:22.739 --> 01:15:26.359
straight, asking questions. So what is it about

01:15:26.359 --> 01:15:28.100
that? And what's causing it? What percentage

01:15:28.100 --> 01:15:31.659
is this? Yeah. And then we cut to Harry Shafir

01:15:31.659 --> 01:15:33.840
Jew on YouTube. And he's sitting there not knowing

01:15:33.840 --> 01:15:36.720
what to do. What do you say? The bears are dying.

01:15:36.920 --> 01:15:39.279
If you're not Jewish and someone starts talking

01:15:39.279 --> 01:15:41.279
about Jewish people, right now people just shut

01:15:41.279 --> 01:15:43.819
the fuck up. Oh, yeah. Just shut the fuck up

01:15:43.819 --> 01:15:45.840
and let them talk. Don't interrupt. Oh, yeah.

01:15:46.319 --> 01:15:48.760
It's hot button. Let them run that weather. Yeah.

01:15:48.960 --> 01:15:50.800
We had the hot oven. Now we're on the hot button.

01:15:50.979 --> 01:15:53.659
Oh, let them go. You got to promote, you know?

01:15:53.720 --> 01:15:55.539
Netflix, if you do a Netflix bill, I don't think

01:15:55.539 --> 01:15:57.819
they push you. You know what, man? It's not worth

01:15:57.819 --> 01:16:00.079
it anymore. If you're a guy like Ari, the best

01:16:00.079 --> 01:16:02.319
possible way. If you're a guy who can get a big

01:16:02.319 --> 01:16:04.100
chunk of money like Dave Chappelle, I get it.

01:16:04.260 --> 01:16:08.239
Or low level. But even if you're low level, if

01:16:08.239 --> 01:16:10.819
you get on YouTube and people find out about

01:16:10.819 --> 01:16:12.300
it. If they find out, yeah. But the thing is,

01:16:12.300 --> 01:16:14.829
it gets demonetized. As long as they're not taking

01:16:14.829 --> 01:16:17.770
them down, though, your purpose is getting served.

01:16:18.300 --> 01:16:20.020
YouTube is good about it for stand -up. They

01:16:20.020 --> 01:16:22.199
should be. They should be. I mean, stand -up

01:16:22.199 --> 01:16:24.380
is, look, it's just like movies. You know, when

01:16:24.380 --> 01:16:26.939
Quentin Tarantino has Brad Pitt smashing some

01:16:26.939 --> 01:16:28.979
girl's face into a mantelpiece. Yeah. Is that

01:16:28.979 --> 01:16:30.479
really happening? No, it's not happening. Do

01:16:30.479 --> 01:16:31.880
you still enjoy the movie? Yes, you enjoy the

01:16:31.880 --> 01:16:33.760
movie, because it's not real. The same thing

01:16:33.760 --> 01:16:35.380
with stand -up. These aren't real opinions, you

01:16:35.380 --> 01:16:36.560
fucking idiots. Someone over there explained

01:16:36.560 --> 01:16:38.000
to me their algorithm on stand -up, where it's

01:16:38.000 --> 01:16:40.060
like, oh, you said this word, and this is a negative,

01:16:40.180 --> 01:16:41.659
this is a hate speech, whatever, and they go,

01:16:41.760 --> 01:16:43.859
look again, it's on stage, like, okay, let it

01:16:43.859 --> 01:16:46.880
go. That's good. They're the best ones. Well,

01:16:46.880 --> 01:16:49.039
that's good. They should be. They have a wealth

01:16:49.039 --> 01:16:52.560
of stand -up material. If you're a comic and

01:16:52.560 --> 01:16:54.500
you love classic comedy, there's no better place

01:16:54.500 --> 01:16:56.640
on earth than YouTube. No, you got that right.

01:16:56.699 --> 01:16:58.340
Every fucking special that's ever been, all the

01:16:58.340 --> 01:17:01.340
Kinison specials, all the Bill Hicks stuff, everything's

01:17:01.340 --> 01:17:03.340
available. You know what I watched the other

01:17:03.340 --> 01:17:06.399
day? I watched his Bill Hicks. It's all on YouTube.

01:17:06.460 --> 01:17:08.640
You're right. It was like a one night stand.

01:17:08.920 --> 01:17:10.439
Remember they used to do those? Oh, I love those.

01:17:10.779 --> 01:17:12.739
It was like you did like a half an hour on HBO.

01:17:12.800 --> 01:17:14.060
Yeah, half an hour on HBO. They called them one

01:17:14.060 --> 01:17:15.420
night stands. Where are you going to do your

01:17:15.420 --> 01:17:16.479
next special? Where are you going to put this

01:17:16.479 --> 01:17:18.319
one? I don't know, man. YouTube job. I haven't

01:17:18.319 --> 01:17:19.800
even looked at it. Come to the dark side. I think

01:17:19.800 --> 01:17:21.079
I might. Come to YouTube. I haven't even looked

01:17:21.079 --> 01:17:22.180
at it. You can put your own shit out. You can

01:17:22.180 --> 01:17:24.119
do your own network like a Louis thing. Or I

01:17:24.119 --> 01:17:25.720
could just put it everywhere for free. Yeah.

01:17:26.279 --> 01:17:28.300
YouTube. You're broke, right? A hundred million

01:17:28.300 --> 01:17:29.720
people will see your special. You need some money.

01:17:30.359 --> 01:17:32.100
A hundred million people will see your hard work.

01:17:32.100 --> 01:17:36.260
Thank God I don't look at my Twitter inbox. I

01:17:36.260 --> 01:17:38.659
bet there's some hot ladies in there. We'll find

01:17:38.659 --> 01:17:41.220
out, Mark Norman. Look around. I'll jerk off

01:17:41.220 --> 01:17:43.680
to that inbox. I'll give you the passage. Please.

01:17:45.060 --> 01:17:47.319
Yeah, I don't know what to do with my spot. I

01:17:47.319 --> 01:17:49.039
haven't even had to, I just wanted to record

01:17:49.039 --> 01:17:51.819
it. I recorded it, and when I've got a sufficient

01:17:51.819 --> 01:17:54.239
amount of new material where I can do like a

01:17:54.239 --> 01:17:56.739
new set, I've probably got like 15 minutes now

01:17:56.739 --> 01:17:58.039
that seems to be working. Then you'll put it

01:17:58.039 --> 01:17:59.939
out. I don't know what the fuck I'm going to

01:17:59.939 --> 01:18:02.319
do. I got an angle for your body. I love being

01:18:02.319 --> 01:18:04.119
able to do whatever the fuck I want to do. I'm

01:18:04.119 --> 01:18:06.239
enjoying that. I'm enjoying that. People are

01:18:06.239 --> 01:18:07.380
talking about, like, where's Joe going to do

01:18:07.380 --> 01:18:10.319
it? Like, they can't offer him enough money to

01:18:10.319 --> 01:18:12.479
change his, like, they can't give him $700 million

01:18:12.479 --> 01:18:16.439
for a special. No. So, like, it's not about the

01:18:16.439 --> 01:18:18.819
money. It's about what? People seeing it? Well,

01:18:18.939 --> 01:18:20.699
that's one of the reasons why I decided to buy

01:18:20.699 --> 01:18:23.520
a club. I was like, if you were that guy and

01:18:23.520 --> 01:18:25.920
you had that kind of money and you could do something

01:18:25.920 --> 01:18:28.140
like that, if you were a comic, you'd be like,

01:18:28.199 --> 01:18:30.000
God, if I had that money, you know what I'd love

01:18:30.000 --> 01:18:31.840
to do? I'd love to open up a club and do it the

01:18:31.840 --> 01:18:34.960
right way. But no one ever does it. Right, right,

01:18:35.000 --> 01:18:37.180
right. So you've got that. You're supposed to

01:18:37.180 --> 01:18:39.760
do it. I have to do it. It's like part of the

01:18:39.760 --> 01:18:43.489
plot. I gotta do it. See, even when I'm there,

01:18:43.670 --> 01:18:45.109
like where we're there today, we're looking around,

01:18:45.229 --> 01:18:47.189
I don't believe it's real. I'm like, this can't

01:18:47.189 --> 01:18:49.569
be real. That's all I got. I just say it to keep

01:18:49.569 --> 01:18:52.590
acting. You gotta get a monocle. Jamie, what

01:18:52.590 --> 01:18:54.689
are you doing over there? Jamie, what are you

01:18:54.689 --> 01:18:56.770
chewing on? He's nibbling on some caps. Hey,

01:18:56.770 --> 01:18:59.170
Shane, Shane, are you gone right now? Is that

01:18:59.170 --> 01:19:00.229
what's going on? Dude, I am gone. I'm totally

01:19:00.229 --> 01:19:01.510
gone. When we were watching Kiddleston, I was

01:19:01.510 --> 01:19:03.090
like, why are you letting Shane talk for half

01:19:03.090 --> 01:19:04.409
an hour more? I've been smiling the whole time.

01:19:04.449 --> 01:19:06.689
I'm fucking gone. Sorry. I haven't talked once.

01:19:06.810 --> 01:19:10.590
I've been sitting there going, yeah. It's a nice

01:19:10.590 --> 01:19:12.569
feeling. I mean, it feels good. I don't know

01:19:12.569 --> 01:19:14.909
how good it is for the listener. They're going

01:19:14.909 --> 01:19:17.130
to be fine. They're having a great time. Those

01:19:17.130 --> 01:19:20.810
titles will be on tomorrow. If you're a guy who's

01:19:20.810 --> 01:19:22.590
sitting there with his headphones on doing some

01:19:22.590 --> 01:19:24.569
menial task, you're in your fucking glory right

01:19:24.569 --> 01:19:27.550
now. You're having fun. Do you guys consume pods?

01:19:27.710 --> 01:19:30.439
I listen like five a day. Yeah, I've been doing

01:19:30.439 --> 01:19:32.539
a lot of audiobooks over the last six or seven

01:19:32.539 --> 01:19:35.960
months. But before that, I was really pod heavy.

01:19:36.079 --> 01:19:37.920
I probably listened to six pods total in my life.

01:19:38.079 --> 01:19:40.500
I really love Tim Dillon. Tim Dillon's one of

01:19:40.500 --> 01:19:43.079
my favorite guys. Adam Friedman Show. Liz Fair

01:19:43.079 --> 01:19:45.760
on this podcast. I'm trying to think what else.

01:19:46.020 --> 01:19:49.560
The Mencia ones on Mary. And then maybe a fucking

01:19:49.560 --> 01:19:51.939
This American Life one. Radio Lab one. That Mencia

01:19:51.939 --> 01:19:56.020
one's killer. Bobby Lee confronted Mencia on

01:19:56.020 --> 01:19:59.460
an app. And that was, whoo, was that tense. He

01:19:59.460 --> 01:20:03.199
calls them out. It's fun. Bobby Lee's funny,

01:20:03.300 --> 01:20:07.399
huh? I hope he puts something out. He's been

01:20:07.399 --> 01:20:08.920
saying he's going to. It's not going to happen.

01:20:09.039 --> 01:20:10.880
It's not his style. He's putting stuff out on

01:20:10.880 --> 01:20:12.800
his podcast. Yeah, he's definitely doing that.

01:20:13.760 --> 01:20:16.079
Well, it's a closer, right? I don't want to give

01:20:16.079 --> 01:20:23.439
it away. Go see Bobby Lee. Or not. We might have

01:20:23.439 --> 01:20:25.479
ate too many mushrooms. Yeah, we ate too many

01:20:25.479 --> 01:20:28.119
mushrooms, dude. We're going to get through this.

01:20:28.140 --> 01:20:29.720
This sucks. I'm just getting started. No, no,

01:20:29.739 --> 01:20:31.579
no. We'll get through this. We'll be all right.

01:20:31.579 --> 01:20:32.899
Don't be scared. We'll be all right. I think

01:20:32.899 --> 01:20:34.500
we can drink our way out of this. You got that

01:20:34.500 --> 01:20:36.659
right. I think we definitely can. When Brian

01:20:36.659 --> 01:20:39.159
Simpson was challenging you to a drinking contest,

01:20:39.319 --> 01:20:41.720
I was scared for him. Oh, my God. I was trying

01:20:41.720 --> 01:20:43.460
to egg him on. He was going with it, man. I was

01:20:43.460 --> 01:20:44.220
trying to egg him on. I was surprised. He was

01:20:44.220 --> 01:20:46.939
going with it. He said he could do one shot for

01:20:46.939 --> 01:20:51.439
every Bud Light I drank. That's crazy. You know

01:20:51.439 --> 01:20:54.180
how goddamn crazy that is? He would die. But

01:20:54.180 --> 01:20:56.779
Brian is game. He was ready to go. He was ready

01:20:56.779 --> 01:20:58.720
to go. He's a Marine. I was like, you're a Marine,

01:20:58.779 --> 01:21:00.680
dude. Of course you could. He dug his heels in.

01:21:01.180 --> 01:21:03.720
He dug his heels in and he was ready to go. Are

01:21:03.720 --> 01:21:05.140
we wearing sunglasses everywhere? I knew you

01:21:05.140 --> 01:21:06.319
guys were going to do this. The room's getting

01:21:06.319 --> 01:21:09.390
a little fuzzy. You know what I mean. You brought

01:21:09.390 --> 01:21:11.050
those chocolates out. I said, this is not good.

01:21:11.630 --> 01:21:14.949
She's got the dice glasses. Whoa. Anthony Aiden.

01:21:15.550 --> 01:21:17.409
Bobby Kelly hooked me up with this guy. I was

01:21:17.409 --> 01:21:19.710
going to say, you look like Bobby Kelly. Yeah,

01:21:20.350 --> 01:21:23.109
I can see it. I saw Bobby had them. Bobby had

01:21:23.109 --> 01:21:24.850
a pair of them. Bobby's glasses are beautiful.

01:21:24.970 --> 01:21:27.250
He's like, oh, I'll connect you. Bobby did a

01:21:27.250 --> 01:21:32.239
cycle. There it is. He's got to do more than

01:21:32.239 --> 01:21:36.060
one. Bobby looks good. He looks great. He got

01:21:36.060 --> 01:21:38.720
it sucked right out of him. Yeah, it's nice to

01:21:38.720 --> 01:21:40.279
see he's getting healthy. He's got a special

01:21:40.279 --> 01:21:43.420
out. Yes, he does. Kill box. We were talking

01:21:43.420 --> 01:21:46.180
about the little room at the mothership. Like,

01:21:46.199 --> 01:21:48.039
that's going to be a kill box. Oh, yeah. That's

01:21:48.039 --> 01:21:49.899
what I got the name. Good looking room. Him and

01:21:49.899 --> 01:21:53.039
Louie came up with that concept because Louie

01:21:53.039 --> 01:21:54.420
was like, what kind of room do you like to work

01:21:54.420 --> 01:21:57.000
in? He's like, just a fucking kill box. Yeah.

01:21:57.100 --> 01:21:59.680
Just tight, low ceiling. And so they just made

01:21:59.680 --> 01:22:02.199
that. That wasn't even at a comedy club. They

01:22:02.199 --> 01:22:03.979
put that all together. They were in Tampa. What?

01:22:04.100 --> 01:22:07.260
And during his first show, he's taping two shows,

01:22:07.359 --> 01:22:09.760
taping two specials. During his first taping,

01:22:09.760 --> 01:22:13.600
the first taping, a woman has a fucking seizure.

01:22:13.880 --> 01:22:17.000
Whoa. He said he's two minutes in with his acting.

01:22:17.079 --> 01:22:19.100
He goes 10 minutes in. Somebody goes, help her.

01:22:19.100 --> 01:22:21.640
Somebody help her. Help her. Help her. He's like,

01:22:21.680 --> 01:22:25.619
what? What? Julia seizure. And so they take this

01:22:25.619 --> 01:22:27.199
lady away and they continue. That's actually

01:22:27.199 --> 01:22:29.319
what it was named after. Julia seizure. Is that

01:22:29.319 --> 01:22:32.920
right? Yeah, he had it. He had a seizure? I'm

01:22:32.920 --> 01:22:34.579
out, dude. I can't talk. Wait, is that a joke

01:22:34.579 --> 01:22:37.060
or no? No, I'm serious. No, I'm serious. I think

01:22:37.060 --> 01:22:39.760
it's named after him. Julius Caesar was epileptic.

01:22:39.800 --> 01:22:41.359
What about the salad? Yeah, for sure. It's spelled

01:22:41.359 --> 01:22:43.739
the same way. Is the salad him? Did he do the

01:22:43.739 --> 01:22:45.680
salad? I don't know about the salad. All right.

01:22:45.920 --> 01:22:48.579
Check out the salad there, J -Mo. You would think

01:22:48.579 --> 01:22:50.239
that someone who ran the Roman Empire would get

01:22:50.239 --> 01:22:53.460
a better salad. Yeah, it's a shitty salad, isn't

01:22:53.460 --> 01:22:54.399
it? It's not a good salad. It's a pretty good

01:22:54.399 --> 01:22:56.140
salad. It's like the best salad. It's not a Hall

01:22:56.140 --> 01:22:57.539
of Fame salad. It's a pretty good salad. All

01:22:57.539 --> 01:22:59.380
right. I never feel like I'm getting nutrients.

01:22:59.539 --> 01:23:02.479
Seizures. He suffered from seizures related to

01:23:02.479 --> 01:23:04.420
epilepsy. Whoa, you're right. I thought you were

01:23:04.420 --> 01:23:07.260
joking. No. Oh, my God. I don't joke anymore.

01:23:07.520 --> 01:23:12.279
I don't go around jokes anymore. No way. Is that

01:23:12.279 --> 01:23:15.029
why they stabbed him? Dude, I totally thought

01:23:15.029 --> 01:23:17.069
you were joking. They stabbed an EpiPen into

01:23:17.069 --> 01:23:19.829
him? I thought, I'm like, he's being silly. Hey,

01:23:19.909 --> 01:23:23.869
John, have you heard? You know why? Because that's

01:23:23.869 --> 01:23:25.430
exactly what Tony Hinchcliffe would have done.

01:23:25.890 --> 01:23:27.949
That's like a Tony Hinchcliffe line. What, that's

01:23:27.949 --> 01:23:29.510
how they came up with it? Yeah. That's crazy.

01:23:30.289 --> 01:23:31.590
Wow. I would have never guessed that. What about

01:23:31.590 --> 01:23:34.229
the salad? So, yeah, who came up with the salad?

01:23:34.390 --> 01:23:37.630
The salad started in Mexico. I like that sweater.

01:23:38.630 --> 01:23:41.909
Clever. Oh, I see. Tijuana even, maybe, I think.

01:23:42.430 --> 01:23:44.989
Oh, shit. Caesar salad starting in Tijuana. That's

01:23:44.989 --> 01:23:46.949
crazy. We haven't had an assassination in a while.

01:23:47.670 --> 01:23:49.930
Jesus, Norm. It just took us on a dark turn.

01:23:50.069 --> 01:23:51.989
Well, we used to have assassinations like once

01:23:51.989 --> 01:23:53.729
every eight years or so. We haven't had one.

01:23:53.850 --> 01:23:55.569
Yeah, so you stand up, you walk around, you start

01:23:55.569 --> 01:23:58.069
looking around. Tijuana, Mexico. All right, stay

01:23:58.069 --> 01:24:03.319
seated. Don't get up. The levels is when you

01:24:03.319 --> 01:24:04.939
get fucked up. I had a piss, but it did go away.

01:24:05.039 --> 01:24:06.920
I stood up, and I went to the bathroom, and I

01:24:06.920 --> 01:24:08.600
thought I heard your dog crying, and I looked

01:24:08.600 --> 01:24:11.239
for your dog in the bathroom for a long time.

01:24:11.439 --> 01:24:14.729
Your wife's here? I was like, bandit? Caesar

01:24:14.729 --> 01:24:18.670
salad invented in Tijuana, Mexico in the 1920s.

01:24:18.670 --> 01:24:21.109
A green salad of romaine with a highly seasoned

01:24:21.109 --> 01:24:24.810
dressing of pounded anchovies, olive oil, lemon

01:24:24.810 --> 01:24:29.970
juice, egg, and parmesan cheese. Get some salad

01:24:29.970 --> 01:24:35.470
on a podcast. You know, remember when I changed

01:24:35.470 --> 01:24:37.710
my tune halfway through, I was like, I love a

01:24:37.710 --> 01:24:38.909
Caesar salad. Have you ever taken drugs and just

01:24:38.909 --> 01:24:40.430
stared at this fucking ceiling alone? Don't do

01:24:40.430 --> 01:24:44.189
it, the constellations. Maybe the Indians were

01:24:44.189 --> 01:24:46.409
on some peyote or eating some leaves or some

01:24:46.409 --> 01:24:47.869
shit when they were looking up at the stars.

01:24:48.430 --> 01:24:52.170
100%. Everybody was. Every culture that had access

01:24:52.170 --> 01:24:54.489
to psychedelic drugs took them. They all did.

01:24:54.630 --> 01:24:56.789
No one was like, hey, this is not good for our

01:24:56.789 --> 01:24:59.390
productivity or our hunting and gathering. Let's

01:24:59.390 --> 01:25:01.649
leave these alone. Nobody left them alone. They

01:25:01.649 --> 01:25:03.470
all did. And they had rituals, man. Oh, yeah.

01:25:03.810 --> 01:25:06.670
Bro, you know what I just saw? Uh -oh. Did you

01:25:06.670 --> 01:25:10.210
see that Viking movie? Yeah, Northman. Oh, that

01:25:10.210 --> 01:25:12.130
was great. That's all I got someone else to see

01:25:12.130 --> 01:25:14.949
on a plane. I had no idea it was that hardcore.

01:25:15.449 --> 01:25:20.130
That movie is fucking hardcore. It's true shit,

01:25:20.229 --> 01:25:23.529
too. That's how they lived. Sabres. That was

01:25:23.529 --> 01:25:25.930
a hot guy, too. He was a hot guy. I heard it

01:25:25.930 --> 01:25:30.270
was good, but I really didn't expect that. He's

01:25:30.270 --> 01:25:31.770
lucky I wasn't one of those villagers that he

01:25:31.770 --> 01:25:36.520
raped. You know what was great about that movie,

01:25:36.600 --> 01:25:38.619
too? I thought it was just laying in a hut. There

01:25:38.619 --> 01:25:43.340
was no one that had our morals. No morals. There

01:25:43.340 --> 01:25:46.880
was no, like... Sam Morrill. Before I get too

01:25:46.880 --> 01:25:49.920
far, just a note. You should have a bathroom

01:25:49.920 --> 01:25:51.939
right out here. Hold on, I got one. It's literally

01:25:51.939 --> 01:25:53.380
down the hall. You should build a... I know,

01:25:53.420 --> 01:25:54.500
but you should build one right there. Take a

01:25:54.500 --> 01:25:56.239
walk, bitch. Wouldn't it be nice if you're laying

01:25:56.239 --> 01:26:00.300
on your hay? Go pee. The Vikings are coming.

01:26:00.300 --> 01:26:01.579
We're all going to get raped. You're like, fuck.

01:26:01.659 --> 01:26:03.140
And then the door swings open. It's that guy.

01:26:03.199 --> 01:26:05.020
You're like... All right. That's true. You can

01:26:05.020 --> 01:26:06.659
do worse. Not that bad, honestly. I'm pretty

01:26:06.659 --> 01:26:09.539
glad you got it. My archivier is so fucked up

01:26:09.539 --> 01:26:12.039
by mushrooms, he can't walk 20 paces. Yeah, right?

01:26:12.180 --> 01:26:13.119
He's like, you should have a bathroom right here.

01:26:13.479 --> 01:26:15.380
It's hard. Kidman. Why don't I have a bathroom

01:26:15.380 --> 01:26:17.560
right here? Dude, this movie's the shit. It's

01:26:17.560 --> 01:26:19.319
really good. Is that Willem Dafoe? He's got a

01:26:19.319 --> 01:26:22.420
huge hog. This is a very intense movie. Give

01:26:22.420 --> 01:26:26.899
that a goob, J -Mo. Ethan Hawke's in it, too.

01:26:27.060 --> 01:26:29.079
Oh, yeah. Hawke's good. Bro, it's a wild -ass

01:26:29.079 --> 01:26:33.109
movie. Wild. I liked it. It'd be bombed in theaters.

01:26:33.430 --> 01:26:36.090
It shouldn't have. Everything bombs in theaters

01:26:36.090 --> 01:26:38.810
now. But it's like, you know, watch this shit

01:26:38.810 --> 01:26:41.350
at home. It's worth watching. I enjoyed it, yeah.

01:26:41.590 --> 01:26:43.850
Because I was kind of skeptical going into it.

01:26:43.869 --> 01:26:45.329
I was like, is this going to be like a television

01:26:45.329 --> 01:26:49.510
show about Vikings? No, but it's just enough

01:26:49.510 --> 01:26:54.260
like fantasy and... Just ruthless reality. And

01:26:54.260 --> 01:26:58.560
no one is a normal person of today in that movie.

01:26:58.760 --> 01:27:01.199
They all represent those kind of people that

01:27:01.199 --> 01:27:04.239
were just sword fighting and dying out there.

01:27:04.260 --> 01:27:06.380
The way they talked, the way they behaved. Everyone

01:27:06.380 --> 01:27:10.300
was sketchy. It was a wild fucking movie. It

01:27:10.300 --> 01:27:12.100
was a good movie, man. It was a really good movie

01:27:12.100 --> 01:27:17.260
because it wasn't a 2022 person. In the Viking

01:27:17.260 --> 01:27:19.960
era. Yeah. And they nailed it. You know what's

01:27:19.960 --> 01:27:21.659
weird is whenever you see a movie without phones,

01:27:21.899 --> 01:27:23.600
you don't think about it. You're not like, where

01:27:23.600 --> 01:27:26.100
are the phones? You just enjoy the movie. Right.

01:27:26.180 --> 01:27:28.420
And you never dream with your phone either. What?

01:27:28.579 --> 01:27:30.020
Like, you never ever dream where you're on your

01:27:30.020 --> 01:27:32.460
phone. Yeah. But we're on our phones eight hours

01:27:32.460 --> 01:27:33.939
a day, but we still don't really. Wait, you're

01:27:33.939 --> 01:27:35.659
talking about there's no phones in the movie

01:27:35.659 --> 01:27:37.880
about Vikings? Well, I'm just saying. Is that

01:27:37.880 --> 01:27:41.439
what the fuck you just said? You watch, well,

01:27:41.659 --> 01:27:45.140
obviously. What? But I'm saying if you watch

01:27:45.140 --> 01:27:46.020
a movie now, there's no phones in it. Are you

01:27:46.020 --> 01:27:47.979
trying to defend that? I'm trying to catch up.

01:27:48.020 --> 01:27:50.539
He's trying to defend it. I'm saying, obviously

01:27:50.539 --> 01:27:52.500
there's no phones in a Viking movie, but if you

01:27:52.500 --> 01:27:55.100
watch a movie made today and there's not a lot

01:27:55.100 --> 01:27:56.720
of phones in it, you don't go, where are the

01:27:56.720 --> 01:28:01.239
phones? It's just a movie. I'm telling you. That

01:28:01.239 --> 01:28:03.100
is true. That makes sense. If you do watch a

01:28:03.100 --> 01:28:05.399
movie today about today. If you watch every show,

01:28:05.399 --> 01:28:07.300
everybody should be looking at their phone the

01:28:07.300 --> 01:28:08.619
entire time. That should be the whole show. Yeah,

01:28:08.619 --> 01:28:11.079
you're right. My tweet got a retweet, whatever,

01:28:11.260 --> 01:28:13.380
you know. It's so weird when you go to a bar

01:28:13.380 --> 01:28:15.720
and you see everyone on their phone. Everyone.

01:28:15.920 --> 01:28:18.420
It's so strange. New York subway, it's just phone,

01:28:18.579 --> 01:28:21.420
phone, phone. It's wild. Everyone's just paying

01:28:21.420 --> 01:28:23.020
attention to something else other than what's

01:28:23.020 --> 01:28:25.210
in front of them. I know. And you can't help

01:28:25.210 --> 01:28:27.069
it. You can't. It's like a little magnet. You

01:28:27.069 --> 01:28:28.550
were doing it last night in the green room. I

01:28:28.550 --> 01:28:31.229
felt like we lost you. Yeah, it's hard. I get

01:28:31.229 --> 01:28:33.909
my notes on my phone, too. Ah, the phone notes.

01:28:33.970 --> 01:28:37.930
I use paper. Sure, writing. Do you write on paper?

01:28:38.189 --> 01:28:40.590
I do. Yeah? That's a good move. That's crazy.

01:28:40.970 --> 01:28:43.430
They do say that when you write on paper that

01:28:43.430 --> 01:28:46.130
you... Oh, that's hilarious. Look at this wad.

01:28:46.149 --> 01:28:48.470
Don't read those. Folks, look at this joke. We'll

01:28:48.470 --> 01:28:50.430
do some editing. That's Norman. This is amazing.

01:28:50.810 --> 01:28:52.770
What the fuck? I can't believe you carry this

01:28:52.770 --> 01:28:54.189
around with you. 90 % of it. Bro, you're going

01:28:54.189 --> 01:28:56.930
to get a bad back. Oh, I got a bad sciatica.

01:28:57.090 --> 01:28:59.069
Yeah, that's from sitting on this, you dumb fuck.

01:28:59.369 --> 01:29:04.529
Uh -oh. Yeah. I just called it. My wallet's the

01:29:04.529 --> 01:29:06.850
same way. My wallet's on the other side. This

01:29:06.850 --> 01:29:10.729
is his notes that were in one of his back pockets.

01:29:10.930 --> 01:29:12.470
And I go, bro, you're going to get a bad back.

01:29:12.489 --> 01:29:15.390
Front pocket. Dude, I have sciatica. This is

01:29:15.390 --> 01:29:19.970
like the Dead Sea Scrolls. He's not doing this

01:29:19.970 --> 01:29:21.989
by accident. This is real. That's the Koran.

01:29:22.210 --> 01:29:25.170
It's got blue sweat from his blue jeans. No,

01:29:25.170 --> 01:29:26.970
don't throw it out. Don't throw it out. Look

01:29:26.970 --> 01:29:28.949
at the blue sweat from his blue jeans. Oh, my

01:29:28.949 --> 01:29:31.470
God. Bro, you've been wearing these in the summer.

01:29:31.529 --> 01:29:34.310
Easy. I need those. That's my new hour. Loose

01:29:34.310 --> 01:29:38.170
notes? Yeah. Bro, you are a crazy person. Yeah,

01:29:38.170 --> 01:29:40.329
that's psycho. FBI should look in your basement

01:29:40.329 --> 01:29:42.090
immediately. About 99 % of that doesn't work.

01:29:42.229 --> 01:29:45.229
Yeah, no shit. That's like fucking five hours

01:29:45.229 --> 01:29:48.449
of material. That's the craziest way. That is

01:29:48.449 --> 01:29:50.539
the fucking crazy. Three jokes. The craziest

01:29:50.539 --> 01:29:54.840
way of marking and writing down your material

01:29:54.840 --> 01:29:56.439
I've ever seen, ever. And I've seen a lot. This

01:29:56.439 --> 01:29:57.960
is the newest one. You can tell that the newest

01:29:57.960 --> 01:30:00.680
one is the new material. The nice tatters? Exactly.

01:30:01.220 --> 01:30:03.439
This is the good one. You get the good one. That's

01:30:03.439 --> 01:30:06.340
the new shit. Dude, you need a fanny pack just

01:30:06.340 --> 01:30:09.039
to carry those around with you. Oh, fanny pack.

01:30:09.039 --> 01:30:14.130
What am I, gay? Front pocket. Go front pocket

01:30:14.130 --> 01:30:15.970
for sure. You shouldn't be scared of a fanny

01:30:15.970 --> 01:30:17.210
pack. I know you like the fanny. It's ultimate

01:30:17.210 --> 01:30:21.090
freedom. Dude, when you piss on Fungi, it's fucking

01:30:21.090 --> 01:30:23.789
ridiculous. It's all weird and plastic leathery.

01:30:23.810 --> 01:30:26.510
It's leather. Oh, come on. Fungi does rule, though.

01:30:26.770 --> 01:30:28.130
It's high quality. It's from a company called

01:30:28.130 --> 01:30:30.710
Roots in Canada. Oh, it's very well done. Good

01:30:30.710 --> 01:30:32.930
band. Dice had one. Oh, really? That's how I

01:30:32.930 --> 01:30:35.189
got this. Yeah, we sell them on higherprimate

01:30:35.189 --> 01:30:39.079
.com because of Dice. Dice came in with sweatpants

01:30:39.079 --> 01:30:41.439
on, and I've always been a fanny pack enthusiast.

01:30:41.880 --> 01:30:43.680
I go, that's the nicest fanny pack I've ever

01:30:43.680 --> 01:30:45.199
seen. I go, where'd you get that? He goes, oh,

01:30:45.239 --> 01:30:47.680
you like this? You like this? You like this?

01:30:48.279 --> 01:30:52.079
Have you seen what Dice is doing on Instagram?

01:30:52.539 --> 01:30:54.760
Oh, yeah. It's great. Oh, with the thing? Oh,

01:30:54.760 --> 01:30:57.439
my God. That's so funny. Oh, my God. I don't

01:30:57.439 --> 01:30:58.739
have time for a picture right now. Just go up

01:30:58.739 --> 01:31:00.579
to random people. No, sorry. I don't have time

01:31:00.579 --> 01:31:02.420
for a picture. Oh, did you want a picture? It's

01:31:02.420 --> 01:31:05.180
pretty great. I mean, I could if I had to. It's

01:31:05.180 --> 01:31:08.020
kind of cold out. That's great. It's amazing.

01:31:08.340 --> 01:31:11.699
And he just keeps doing it. He's shameless. He

01:31:11.699 --> 01:31:13.300
did that to me years ago, and I thought he was

01:31:13.300 --> 01:31:14.779
serious. I didn't know he was joking. I felt

01:31:14.779 --> 01:31:16.300
bad for him. He's the original troll. It was

01:31:16.300 --> 01:31:18.760
not mine. He is a troll. He's the best troll.

01:31:18.859 --> 01:31:21.300
Because he was a troll that filled arenas. Oh,

01:31:21.300 --> 01:31:24.420
yeah. He was filling fucking arenas. With a character.

01:31:24.420 --> 01:31:27.520
And he's just as happy now being a troll. Listen,

01:31:27.779 --> 01:31:30.680
play some of this. I'm not your driver. Sorry.

01:31:32.100 --> 01:31:34.220
Play it from the beginning. Play it from the

01:31:34.220 --> 01:31:39.890
beginning. Yeah, hi You are the driver that was

01:31:39.890 --> 01:31:42.970
waiting for the picture. I'm not a driver. Sorry

01:31:42.970 --> 01:31:49.229
Because of the hat you're wearing the yellow

01:31:49.229 --> 01:32:00.409
hat from my film No totally awesome 80s likes

01:32:00.409 --> 01:32:05.659
it That guy's terrified. He's being very nice.

01:32:05.939 --> 01:32:10.619
He has to be. Dice is a big guy. This big guy

01:32:10.619 --> 01:32:12.859
that just might... mollywop you in the middle

01:32:12.859 --> 01:32:15.079
of New York City. Mollywop? What a great term.

01:32:15.699 --> 01:32:18.520
Brought it back. That's a solid one. No one's

01:32:18.520 --> 01:32:20.060
even said that since the 80s. I've never heard

01:32:20.060 --> 01:32:24.979
it. That's great. Mollywop. That's a good one.

01:32:25.100 --> 01:32:27.340
That's to protect our neighborhood. Speaking

01:32:27.340 --> 01:32:29.899
of psychedelics, remember when the South Park

01:32:29.899 --> 01:32:32.500
guys went to the Oscars on acid? Seeing them

01:32:32.500 --> 01:32:36.020
blink was the best. They're legends. They really

01:32:36.020 --> 01:32:40.260
are. They're so important for the... state of

01:32:40.260 --> 01:32:42.880
comedy because they can get away like Kyle Dunnigan

01:32:42.880 --> 01:32:44.800
and Kurt Metzger what they can do with the face

01:32:44.800 --> 01:32:47.039
swaps we were talking about it last night there's

01:32:47.039 --> 01:32:49.279
something about something not being real you

01:32:49.279 --> 01:32:51.659
can get away with so much more with South Park

01:32:51.659 --> 01:32:54.779
and with like the face swap thing because it

01:32:54.779 --> 01:32:57.180
doesn't look at all like real people like you

01:32:57.180 --> 01:33:00.579
know it's not really Bill Maher but it's hilarious

01:33:00.579 --> 01:33:03.800
or the Jeff Goldblum one or the Stallone one

01:33:03.800 --> 01:33:06.800
they're fucking hilarious and you can have these

01:33:06.800 --> 01:33:09.920
people saying the most outrageous This seems

01:33:09.920 --> 01:33:13.619
one step off from reality. Yeah. Damn, Ari. That's

01:33:13.619 --> 01:33:15.460
a giant advantage. You ate a bunch of those.

01:33:15.539 --> 01:33:17.380
I was lying. I didn't eat as many. I can't believe

01:33:17.380 --> 01:33:20.500
you ate that many. How much did you eat? More.

01:33:21.000 --> 01:33:23.220
I only had a couple. How many did you have? More.

01:33:24.060 --> 01:33:25.760
Yeah, you're in trouble. We need you. You see?

01:33:25.939 --> 01:33:27.520
This is bad fun. Just hang in there. Don't think

01:33:27.520 --> 01:33:29.939
about it. Don't think about how high you are.

01:33:30.000 --> 01:33:33.119
You don't fucking think about it. Just go with

01:33:33.119 --> 01:33:34.479
it. Jamie, call up a picture of how many views

01:33:34.479 --> 01:33:37.760
my special has. 4 .5 million. I don't know. Oh,

01:33:37.800 --> 01:33:40.739
man. Damn. Don't be fucking lame, dude. You're

01:33:40.739 --> 01:33:43.039
right. He's really living in that moment. Did

01:33:43.039 --> 01:33:45.279
you think the Chappelle monologue was anti -Sem?

01:33:45.399 --> 01:33:47.340
I didn't see it. I don't know. I assumed it was

01:33:47.340 --> 01:33:49.560
fine. I didn't catch it. I assumed it was a comic

01:33:49.560 --> 01:33:51.659
because there's no problem at all. I don't know.

01:33:51.739 --> 01:33:53.520
I liked it. I thought the whole thing in the

01:33:53.520 --> 01:33:55.239
beginning was hilarious. Yeah, I thought it was

01:33:55.239 --> 01:33:57.180
very funny. Where he reads this thing, I do not

01:33:57.180 --> 01:33:59.279
support anti -Semitism in any way, shape, or

01:33:59.279 --> 01:34:01.640
form. Yeah. And that, Kanye West, is how you

01:34:01.640 --> 01:34:03.640
buy yourself some time. Yeah. I loved it. It

01:34:03.640 --> 01:34:04.800
was very funny. I loved the Ferguson joke. It's

01:34:04.800 --> 01:34:06.279
genius. I loved the joke by Melania. Was anybody

01:34:06.279 --> 01:34:08.500
actually upset? That was a whole fucking headline.

01:34:08.539 --> 01:34:09.920
20 people, and then everyone's arguing about

01:34:09.920 --> 01:34:11.479
the 20 people that are fake upset. Yeah, no one

01:34:11.479 --> 01:34:14.460
cares. No one cares. Well, we're living in a

01:34:14.460 --> 01:34:16.199
weird world where everybody can have an opinion.

01:34:16.380 --> 01:34:19.420
And if there's a thing that is in somehow, way,

01:34:19.479 --> 01:34:21.439
shape, or form connected to anything controversial,

01:34:21.760 --> 01:34:23.619
there's going to be people that get upset about

01:34:23.619 --> 01:34:25.560
it. Dave Chappelle is the number one stand -up

01:34:25.560 --> 01:34:27.880
talking about Jews today. I give you a pass.

01:34:28.220 --> 01:34:30.840
It's over. You're not anti -Semitic. It is over.

01:34:31.310 --> 01:34:33.670
Go on with your life, Dave Chappelle. 4 .5 million.

01:34:36.229 --> 01:34:38.329
That's a lot of views. That's worse than the

01:34:38.329 --> 01:34:41.109
fucking picture I posted you did. Ari's lost.

01:34:41.449 --> 01:34:43.449
He's lost in a world of success and mushrooms.

01:34:44.029 --> 01:34:45.869
I hate seeing success. You've got to drink past

01:34:45.869 --> 01:34:47.689
these shrooms, man. Do you like Angry Ari better?

01:34:48.010 --> 01:34:51.329
You're more of a fan of Angry Ari? Yeah. Well,

01:34:51.390 --> 01:34:54.489
sad Ari was better. I like sad Ari. Sad Ari was

01:34:54.489 --> 01:34:57.029
always down to talk. Kept your mouth shut. Yeah,

01:34:57.069 --> 01:34:59.529
now his phone's on fucking silent and he goes,

01:34:59.710 --> 01:35:02.229
he's like, what? Brings his dog places. I can't

01:35:02.229 --> 01:35:04.550
wait to see Ari posing with no shirt on, wearing

01:35:04.550 --> 01:35:07.529
a fur coat, getting on a Learjet. I constantly

01:35:07.529 --> 01:35:11.289
post out my shirt on. No shirt, fur coat, don't

01:35:11.289 --> 01:35:15.310
defend this. No shirt, fur coat, getting on a

01:35:15.310 --> 01:35:17.649
private jet. Somebody Photoshop me an O 'Connor

01:35:17.649 --> 01:35:21.779
-McGregor picture. There you go. Have you seen

01:35:21.779 --> 01:35:23.739
Conor McGregor's latest pictures? It's great.

01:35:23.939 --> 01:35:26.060
Pull them up. If I was USADA, I'd be like this.

01:35:26.220 --> 01:35:29.899
When does this guy get back on the test? Was

01:35:29.899 --> 01:35:33.100
he fighting him? No, no. USADA is the U .S. anti

01:35:33.100 --> 01:35:35.779
-doping agency. I thought it was a guy, too.

01:35:35.899 --> 01:35:37.140
I thought it was like an eastern bloc. Is he

01:35:37.140 --> 01:35:39.300
fighting that fucking Muslim? What is that? USADA.

01:35:39.420 --> 01:35:41.880
Usman. You're thinking Usman. No, no. What's

01:35:41.880 --> 01:35:45.859
the Usman? Oh, it's not Makachev. He's fun. Yeah,

01:35:45.939 --> 01:35:48.609
yeah. He's fighting Volkanovski. That would be

01:35:48.609 --> 01:35:51.949
fun. He's so funny. That's a wild little fight.

01:35:52.090 --> 01:35:54.130
Connor's been killing on Twitter, though. Really?

01:35:54.289 --> 01:35:56.390
Oh, my God. He's so funny. He's an animal. He's

01:35:56.390 --> 01:35:59.789
so funny. He never stops. He's clearly intoxicated.

01:35:59.989 --> 01:36:02.489
He's having a great time, saying some funny shit.

01:36:02.550 --> 01:36:05.409
The funny things are listening to him talk, because

01:36:05.409 --> 01:36:08.489
he's from Dublin. And when he gets drunk and

01:36:08.489 --> 01:36:10.829
starts talking, look how jacked he is. Wait,

01:36:10.829 --> 01:36:13.369
that's him? No. Yes, 100%. I thought that was

01:36:13.369 --> 01:36:16.189
Cyril Gunn. Oh, my God. He's roommates with the

01:36:16.189 --> 01:36:20.270
Liver King. Proper. 12. What the fuck? Look at

01:36:20.270 --> 01:36:23.989
that photo. Look at that photo. Look at that

01:36:23.989 --> 01:36:27.229
photo. Wow. That's not real. Holy shit. Also,

01:36:27.270 --> 01:36:30.050
this video of him from here, that's good, but

01:36:30.050 --> 01:36:31.850
go to the other one from behind, the next one

01:36:31.850 --> 01:36:34.869
back, the next photo. Look at this. Look at the

01:36:34.869 --> 01:36:37.750
size of him. Great caboose. Look at the size

01:36:37.750 --> 01:36:39.109
of him. You should see his dick. His dick's in

01:36:39.109 --> 01:36:41.470
every photo, too. Is that right? He loves posting

01:36:41.470 --> 01:36:43.590
a fucking kind of a boner in every photo. Bro,

01:36:43.590 --> 01:36:45.789
look at the size of that guy. He's in my wife's

01:36:45.789 --> 01:36:48.920
DMs. He looks like, hey, he's 200 plus pounds.

01:36:48.979 --> 01:36:52.020
He's got a mask, Joe. Get him. He's a man. He's

01:36:52.020 --> 01:36:54.199
recovering from a terrible injury, though. That's

01:36:54.199 --> 01:36:55.939
why it's taking so long. And that's probably

01:36:55.939 --> 01:36:59.500
why he's working his upper body. Yes. What happened?

01:36:59.600 --> 01:37:03.710
He broke his leg. Broke his leg in a fight. Yeah,

01:37:03.829 --> 01:37:05.350
both broke. Oh, yeah, against Poirier. That's

01:37:05.350 --> 01:37:08.550
what he was yelling about. In the fibula, both

01:37:08.550 --> 01:37:11.630
of them snapped, so it's a horrific injury to

01:37:11.630 --> 01:37:14.069
recover from. Jamie, you did that on purpose,

01:37:14.130 --> 01:37:17.710
you dog. That's a cup. Jamie, you dog. He's wearing

01:37:17.710 --> 01:37:19.609
a cup, I believe. Look at the legs on that motherfucker.

01:37:20.029 --> 01:37:22.710
Jesus, that would hurt your dick. Focus on that.

01:37:23.029 --> 01:37:26.479
So that left leg, the one that's all... That's

01:37:26.479 --> 01:37:28.579
the one that broke and it's jacked as fuck now.

01:37:28.659 --> 01:37:31.300
Yeah, keep those kids on. What the fuck? Go down.

01:37:32.060 --> 01:37:34.960
What the fuck? It's a cup. It's a cup. It is

01:37:34.960 --> 01:37:37.600
a cup. World Cup. No, get him in his street clothes.

01:37:37.720 --> 01:37:40.180
It's so funny. He literally always has a boner.

01:37:40.399 --> 01:37:42.939
Really? I mean, it just looks like it. It's funny.

01:37:43.159 --> 01:37:44.979
I took a blue tube before this. There was a weigh

01:37:44.979 --> 01:37:47.260
-in where it looked like he had a boner. One

01:37:47.260 --> 01:37:48.420
of his weigh -ins. It always does. It's very

01:37:48.420 --> 01:37:51.010
funny. He's having fun. He's a wild boy. He's

01:37:51.010 --> 01:37:53.649
living life. He's a wild boy. There it is. Wait.

01:37:54.350 --> 01:37:58.729
That's not right. What the fuck? He had a boner.

01:37:58.750 --> 01:38:01.149
Oh, that's a flopper. That's a flopper. That

01:38:01.149 --> 01:38:03.789
might just be his regular penis, dude. Yeah,

01:38:03.909 --> 01:38:05.710
yeah. I got one of those. He might actually be

01:38:05.710 --> 01:38:08.850
hard. No. For a fighter. Imagine if he's that

01:38:08.850 --> 01:38:12.689
savage that he gets a boner. It was a McGregor

01:38:12.689 --> 01:38:15.779
fight. It wasn't even. Or the Mayweather. What's

01:38:15.779 --> 01:38:17.560
up with these? He wanted to win that fight. What

01:38:17.560 --> 01:38:19.840
do you say? That was a money grab, baby. Dude.

01:38:19.840 --> 01:38:21.380
Of course. It was a money grab. I'm sure he wanted

01:38:21.380 --> 01:38:22.899
to do it. He tried to win that fight. He thought

01:38:22.899 --> 01:38:26.239
he could win. He actually landed. Yeah. He caught

01:38:26.239 --> 01:38:28.300
him with an uppercut. McGregor's the man. Yeah.

01:38:28.800 --> 01:38:30.500
McGregor's the man, obviously. Those Paul guys

01:38:30.500 --> 01:38:33.100
are winning fights. What? Ken Lewis Gomez. Paul

01:38:33.100 --> 01:38:37.140
guys are winning fights. Dude, Jake Paul is 100

01:38:37.140 --> 01:38:40.319
% legit. Yeah. Knock down Anderson Silva. That's

01:38:40.319 --> 01:38:42.640
the end of the discussion. I don't care if Silva's

01:38:42.640 --> 01:38:46.560
47 years old. Who cares? He boxes very well.

01:38:46.699 --> 01:38:48.899
He still moves very well. And just the skill

01:38:48.899 --> 01:38:51.079
level alone, the fact that he was able to catch

01:38:51.079 --> 01:38:53.619
him and knock him down, that's a big deal. Damn.

01:38:54.420 --> 01:38:56.760
It's the end of an era. It's a big deal. It's

01:38:56.760 --> 01:38:58.359
an end of an era for sure, but it's also like

01:38:58.359 --> 01:39:00.659
that guy's a legit fighter. He's not just a YouTube

01:39:00.659 --> 01:39:03.880
guy. He moves like a fighter. You watch him in

01:39:03.880 --> 01:39:06.819
fights. He's not boxing like some guy. He's like

01:39:06.819 --> 01:39:11.220
a current young fighter. Oh, Tyron Woodley. No,

01:39:11.340 --> 01:39:14.899
no, but like someone like 30. What is this? Jake

01:39:14.899 --> 01:39:17.720
Paul offered Patty the baddie $1 million to spar,

01:39:17.800 --> 01:39:20.720
and Pimblitt didn't back down. But he's way bigger

01:39:20.720 --> 01:39:22.739
than him. This weekend, then he'll spar him on

01:39:22.739 --> 01:39:26.159
Monday. Pimblitt's like 5 '4 or something. No,

01:39:26.159 --> 01:39:28.579
no, no, no, no. He gets up to like 200 pounds.

01:39:28.720 --> 01:39:31.920
What? Yeah, he balloons. He balloons. He's a

01:39:31.920 --> 01:39:34.180
really good grappler. The difference between

01:39:34.180 --> 01:39:37.920
the two of them is like boxing, Patty is, you

01:39:37.920 --> 01:39:39.920
know, he's got good hands for sure. He's a good

01:39:39.920 --> 01:39:42.840
striker. Cute kid. Beautiful, beautiful kid.

01:39:42.960 --> 01:39:45.340
But if he gets you to the ground, he's nasty.

01:39:45.680 --> 01:39:48.640
Wow. Really badass submission. So if they're

01:39:48.640 --> 01:39:50.140
going to fight, if they're not going to fight

01:39:50.140 --> 01:39:53.460
an MMA fight. To spar, though. Yeah, but they're

01:39:53.460 --> 01:39:55.859
going to fight, dude. Fight. They're going to

01:39:55.859 --> 01:39:58.899
call it sparring. If you're calling it sparring

01:39:58.899 --> 01:40:01.220
and you're going to film it and everyone's going

01:40:01.220 --> 01:40:02.800
to watch it and you're going to do one round,

01:40:02.960 --> 01:40:04.979
come on, you want to spar me? I'll give you a

01:40:04.979 --> 01:40:06.319
million dollars to spar me. Yeah, both those

01:40:06.319 --> 01:40:08.520
guys are psychos. What you're doing is you're

01:40:08.520 --> 01:40:10.779
having an unsanctioned fight. This guy's paying

01:40:10.779 --> 01:40:12.800
you a million dollars to have an unsanctioned

01:40:12.800 --> 01:40:16.260
fight. Damn. You can call it sparring. Let's

01:40:16.260 --> 01:40:18.380
call it sparring. No. You wouldn't fight Jake?

01:40:18.500 --> 01:40:20.800
No. You could kick him. Dude, that kind of fucked

01:40:20.800 --> 01:40:23.960
me up. He's good. He's a good boxer. He can fight,

01:40:24.060 --> 01:40:26.600
man. I'm telling you. He's a big, dangerous,

01:40:26.600 --> 01:40:29.819
young fellow. And he hits hard. Yeah, yeah. He's

01:40:29.819 --> 01:40:32.100
knocked out Ben Askren, Tyron Woodley, knocked

01:40:32.100 --> 01:40:33.840
down Jake Paul. I mean, knocked down Anderson

01:40:33.840 --> 01:40:36.720
Silva, rather. That's a big deal, man. That guy

01:40:36.720 --> 01:40:38.859
can crack. What's with the legs break? Didn't

01:40:38.859 --> 01:40:42.680
O'Malley's leg break? No, he got kicked in the

01:40:42.680 --> 01:40:45.560
leg. What's it called? Perennial nerve, that

01:40:45.560 --> 01:40:48.520
was called? And that nerve shut off his foot.

01:40:48.619 --> 01:40:51.060
His foot just stopped working. And he started

01:40:51.060 --> 01:40:53.079
getting this, it's called like drop foot. And

01:40:53.079 --> 01:40:56.380
he actually did commentary for the video while

01:40:56.380 --> 01:40:59.380
it was happening. That was the last one. You

01:40:59.380 --> 01:41:02.420
can't help yourself. That was it. That was the

01:41:02.420 --> 01:41:05.899
last one. I'm trying so hard to keep it together.

01:41:07.180 --> 01:41:11.560
That's why I can't see that. So Sean O'Malley,

01:41:11.720 --> 01:41:14.220
he did like a play -by -play with that fight.

01:41:14.340 --> 01:41:16.159
And you could see his foot go. numb it's just

01:41:16.159 --> 01:41:18.180
like he's just dragging his foot around and he

01:41:18.180 --> 01:41:20.460
can't stand on it and he can't and he had these

01:41:20.460 --> 01:41:22.880
tight ankle wraps on and you think that might

01:41:22.880 --> 01:41:26.220
have uh accentuated it not allowed the circulation

01:41:26.220 --> 01:41:29.220
to get back to normal yeah that's embarrassing

01:41:31.000 --> 01:41:33.460
Weird injury. Well, you're just flopping around

01:41:33.460 --> 01:41:35.840
on the mat. It looks bad. It's happened to a

01:41:35.840 --> 01:41:37.859
few guys. It happened to Michael Chandler in

01:41:37.859 --> 01:41:40.020
Bellator. He got that. That happened to him.

01:41:40.159 --> 01:41:41.880
It's happened to a couple of guys in the UFC.

01:41:42.180 --> 01:41:43.939
They get kicked in the leg, and their leg just

01:41:43.939 --> 01:41:45.380
doesn't work right anymore. What about that guy?

01:41:45.399 --> 01:41:47.140
He stops working. He kicked, and his leg wrapped

01:41:47.140 --> 01:41:50.819
around the guy's shin. Anderson. No. Yes, Anderson

01:41:50.819 --> 01:41:52.619
was one of them. Really? He did that with Chris

01:41:52.619 --> 01:41:56.060
Weidman. And then Chris Weidman was another one.

01:41:56.100 --> 01:41:58.359
Chris Weidman just did it recently. Not recently.

01:41:59.470 --> 01:42:01.529
come back from it. It's been over, I believe

01:42:01.529 --> 01:42:04.529
over a year. Is that correct? Yeah, it just slaps

01:42:04.529 --> 01:42:07.069
against a leg and just like breaks. I've seen

01:42:07.069 --> 01:42:10.050
it happen in kickboxing too. It happened with

01:42:10.050 --> 01:42:13.470
Tyron Spong fought Gokhan Saki and Saki checked

01:42:13.470 --> 01:42:15.909
his kick and snapped his leg in half. Here we

01:42:15.909 --> 01:42:18.430
go. Here it is. First kick to Chris through.

01:42:18.670 --> 01:42:24.289
His heart. Perfect freeze, Jamie. Perfect freeze.

01:42:24.909 --> 01:42:29.279
Perfect freeze. I can't do it. Wow, that is an

01:42:29.279 --> 01:42:32.619
antelope leg. Why are you doing that? Who's doing

01:42:32.619 --> 01:42:36.640
this? Oh, he looks like a stretcher man. You

01:42:36.640 --> 01:42:40.079
don't even blink. Jesus. It's already broken

01:42:40.079 --> 01:42:42.920
there. So many of them. Back to fix. Life's back

01:42:42.920 --> 01:42:45.880
on track. It's so normal for me to see people

01:42:45.880 --> 01:42:49.430
get beat up. But I mean. That's a bad one, though.

01:42:49.869 --> 01:42:52.869
I've seen that happen one other time. He was

01:42:52.869 --> 01:42:56.210
a gentleman. He's since passed away, but he had

01:42:56.210 --> 01:42:57.829
fought on the Ultimate Fighter. He was a very

01:42:57.829 --> 01:42:59.989
tall, thin guy. Who was the other guy who had

01:42:59.989 --> 01:43:02.989
a leg break? Jamie in the UFC? It was a long

01:43:02.989 --> 01:43:05.029
time ago. It's making me yawn, dude. It makes

01:43:05.029 --> 01:43:07.750
you yawn. It does, yeah. It's funny. Hand me

01:43:07.750 --> 01:43:18.000
that bodega. You guys are all talking over each

01:43:18.000 --> 01:43:20.460
other I can hear a fucking word. I say the yawns

01:43:20.460 --> 01:43:22.659
is the mushrooms. Yeah, that's a thing I never

01:43:22.659 --> 01:43:24.619
didn't know. Oh, yeah is the mushrooms. Yeah

01:43:24.619 --> 01:43:26.760
is the first guy to get his leg broken in the

01:43:26.760 --> 01:43:30.279
UFC Corey Hill Yes, Corey Corey Hill and who

01:43:30.279 --> 01:43:32.399
is that? Who's that fight with down the screen?

01:43:34.760 --> 01:43:39.060
Oh God who's Corey Hill Back that up a little

01:43:39.060 --> 01:43:42.000
bit real quick. Back that ass up. Dale Hart.

01:43:42.159 --> 01:43:44.619
Dale Hart. Corey Hill. That's right. Set for

01:43:44.619 --> 01:43:47.279
round number two. Fight scheduled for. So, he

01:43:47.279 --> 01:43:51.760
throws a kick. Same deal. Right there. Oh! Yo!

01:43:52.180 --> 01:43:55.399
God! Now, this was a bad one because the referee

01:43:55.399 --> 01:43:58.920
didn't notice it. The referee didn't notice it.

01:43:58.960 --> 01:44:02.399
So, we were screaming, stop the fight. He throws

01:44:02.399 --> 01:44:05.560
the kick. His leg snaps. Dale's shown a lot of

01:44:05.560 --> 01:44:07.840
head movement. Eats a nice kick. Oh, Corey fell

01:44:07.840 --> 01:44:09.899
down. Oh, his leg's broken. His leg's broken.

01:44:09.899 --> 01:44:13.979
That's it. We got it. Good Lord. Stop the fight.

01:44:14.180 --> 01:44:16.359
Stop the fight. The fight is all over. Corey.

01:44:16.520 --> 01:44:19.899
Oh, dude. So the referee didn't notice that his

01:44:19.899 --> 01:44:23.550
leg was broken. We had to just scream it. What

01:44:23.550 --> 01:44:25.550
are you doing, dude? You're killing me, J -Mo.

01:44:25.970 --> 01:44:27.390
That was hard. Didn't you take mushrooms? That

01:44:27.390 --> 01:44:29.170
was really hard to watch. Jamie, you're sick.

01:44:29.189 --> 01:44:31.250
I saw you. I got to work. So that was the first

01:44:31.250 --> 01:44:33.960
time that had ever happened in the UFC. Come

01:44:33.960 --> 01:44:38.100
on, J -Mo. He pet the class pet too hard, I bet.

01:44:38.239 --> 01:44:39.859
You like a little killing hamster. He pet the

01:44:39.859 --> 01:44:43.140
class pet? What the fuck is that? I had a hamster

01:44:43.140 --> 01:44:45.180
in their class. The kids could all pet. What

01:44:45.180 --> 01:44:46.760
kind of weird world are you creating just for

01:44:46.760 --> 01:44:48.880
one joke? I went to a performing arts school.

01:44:49.119 --> 01:44:50.960
We had a hamster in there. It was a guinea pig.

01:44:51.140 --> 01:44:53.479
In every class. When you go to math class, make

01:44:53.479 --> 01:44:56.680
sure you pet the fucking hamster. I'll get creative

01:44:56.680 --> 01:45:03.520
on the shrooms. Man, did you see the Bisbing

01:45:03.520 --> 01:45:06.399
doc? I did. When he talked about getting his,

01:45:06.479 --> 01:45:09.119
he got his eyeball knocked out, by the way. But

01:45:09.119 --> 01:45:12.319
he said he woke up in the, what do you call it,

01:45:12.340 --> 01:45:15.060
the locker room, and he goes, did I win? That's

01:45:15.060 --> 01:45:17.340
how bad these knockouts are. It's like time travel.

01:45:17.439 --> 01:45:19.340
They have no idea sometimes. They don't know

01:45:19.340 --> 01:45:21.159
what happened. People have to explain to them

01:45:21.159 --> 01:45:22.920
what happened in the fight. They don't remember

01:45:22.920 --> 01:45:24.680
the fight at all. Sometimes they don't remember

01:45:24.680 --> 01:45:26.500
the whole day. They don't remember getting up

01:45:26.500 --> 01:45:28.319
in the morning, brushing their teeth, taking

01:45:28.319 --> 01:45:30.460
a shit. They don't remember anything. Erases?

01:45:30.619 --> 01:45:32.539
I've had some bombs like that. Just shuts off.

01:45:32.939 --> 01:45:35.180
It shuts off everything, and then when it comes

01:45:35.180 --> 01:45:38.039
back, your memory's just real sketchy. Quite

01:45:38.039 --> 01:45:40.119
a few fighters have said after they got knocked

01:45:40.119 --> 01:45:42.119
out that they have no memory of that day at all.

01:45:42.300 --> 01:45:44.039
It's a good way to fuck another lady. I don't

01:45:44.039 --> 01:45:47.359
have any memory. I'm just knocked out. It's kind

01:45:47.359 --> 01:45:50.739
of every one of these podcasts. True. For real.

01:45:50.800 --> 01:45:53.640
I wake up in New York like, what the fuck just—what

01:45:53.640 --> 01:45:56.140
was that? Dude, I'm going—I have an 8 a .m. flight

01:45:56.140 --> 01:45:58.779
tomorrow going straight to Boston. Mistake. Big

01:45:58.779 --> 01:46:00.819
mistake. Doing the Wilbur. It's going to be a—

01:46:00.819 --> 01:46:02.500
Oh, that's nice. Let me apologize now. of the

01:46:02.500 --> 01:46:04.260
people who came to that. You have to Wilbur tomorrow

01:46:04.260 --> 01:46:07.880
night? Two of them. Wow. It's going to be a train

01:46:07.880 --> 01:46:10.239
wreck. You're going to be fine. You're going

01:46:10.239 --> 01:46:12.500
to be fine. I'll take an Adderall. Maybe you

01:46:12.500 --> 01:46:16.119
can hit me with some NAD or some shit. Do you

01:46:16.119 --> 01:46:17.720
take Adderall sometimes when you're not feeling

01:46:17.720 --> 01:46:19.260
good? I don't really touch it. I used to take

01:46:19.260 --> 01:46:21.439
it for hangovers and I just get too cracked out.

01:46:22.039 --> 01:46:24.220
Does it really work for hangovers? Oh, cleans

01:46:24.220 --> 01:46:27.039
it up. Two seconds. You shit and you're just...

01:46:27.239 --> 01:46:31.920
Flying. What does it come down like? It ain't

01:46:31.920 --> 01:46:42.229
pretty. It's ugly. The mental anguish is brutal.

01:46:42.729 --> 01:46:44.989
Talk about not getting it up. You got Bobby Lee

01:46:44.989 --> 01:46:47.689
dick on Adderall. Well, that's an amphetamine

01:46:47.689 --> 01:46:51.609
thing, right? Talk about not getting it up. I'm

01:46:51.609 --> 01:46:54.069
sorry, Bobby. So now I'm taking Blue Chew on

01:46:54.069 --> 01:46:55.869
top of the Adderall. Then you try to drink it

01:46:55.869 --> 01:47:00.130
away when the show's over. I get it. It's hard

01:47:00.130 --> 01:47:04.149
out there for a bitch. I'm going to get that

01:47:04.149 --> 01:47:07.680
merch. I mean, this guy is smirking. He looks

01:47:07.680 --> 01:47:10.680
like a Joe Camel over here. He's scary looking.

01:47:11.060 --> 01:47:12.840
Adderall, see, the problem with Adderall, what

01:47:12.840 --> 01:47:15.439
scares me about it is it's effective. It works.

01:47:15.640 --> 01:47:18.340
If I started taking something that was effective

01:47:18.340 --> 01:47:20.699
like that, I don't know if I'd be able to go,

01:47:20.760 --> 01:47:22.579
no, no, no, let's go back to just being natural.

01:47:23.260 --> 01:47:26.239
Yes, it works. And I have some on me if you guys

01:47:26.239 --> 01:47:28.619
want to straighten out. How straightened would

01:47:28.619 --> 01:47:30.180
it make you? Well, look at this guy. Are you

01:47:30.180 --> 01:47:32.380
certain? He's going to Betty by. Are you certain

01:47:32.380 --> 01:47:33.880
that that combination is a good combination?

01:47:34.300 --> 01:47:36.039
That might be, like, really bad for your heart.

01:47:36.490 --> 01:47:41.170
Wow. It could be. It's possible. You take amphetamines.

01:47:41.189 --> 01:47:43.369
It might be a fucking chemical war in your body.

01:47:44.069 --> 01:47:47.930
I'll just dose myself. Who's this guy? Oh, no.

01:47:48.050 --> 01:47:50.850
That's the shooter's fucking. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

01:47:50.869 --> 01:47:52.569
You don't even know this guy. I don't know this

01:47:52.569 --> 01:47:54.189
guy. You don't know this story? Okay. If you

01:47:54.189 --> 01:47:57.109
don't know this story, there was a Colorado shooter.

01:47:57.229 --> 01:48:00.750
And then when they interviewed his dad, it turns

01:48:00.750 --> 01:48:03.050
out his dad was. His dad was on Arrow. He fought

01:48:03.050 --> 01:48:05.689
in the UFC. His dad did a lot of Arrow. I'm pretty.

01:48:05.800 --> 01:48:07.800
Are you sure Eric Brink fought in the UFC? Yeah,

01:48:07.840 --> 01:48:11.199
he did. And he was a legit MMA fighter back in

01:48:11.199 --> 01:48:13.939
the day. And then he became a porn star. And

01:48:13.939 --> 01:48:18.619
his reaction to finding out that his son was

01:48:18.619 --> 01:48:21.460
a shooter is the craziest thing you'll ever see.

01:48:21.819 --> 01:48:23.460
Watch this. Let's play it. Is that worse than

01:48:23.460 --> 01:48:26.079
gay? Dude, it's crazy. Don't put that back in

01:48:26.079 --> 01:48:27.810
your pocket. I'm telling you. I've been living

01:48:27.810 --> 01:48:30.909
with it for 15 years. Front pocket. I got the

01:48:30.909 --> 01:48:32.729
wallet, though. It evens it out. That's nuts.

01:48:32.869 --> 01:48:34.050
Front pocket, Mark. It doesn't even out jack

01:48:34.050 --> 01:48:37.189
shit. No, it doesn't work like that. Can I see

01:48:37.189 --> 01:48:38.630
the jokes? I swear to God, I'll never destroy

01:48:38.630 --> 01:48:39.510
them. They're varying densities. What are you

01:48:39.510 --> 01:48:40.869
going to do? I just want to hold them. I've never

01:48:40.869 --> 01:48:44.029
seen anything like this. Wow. So listen to what

01:48:44.029 --> 01:48:48.869
he says. Look, look, look. Pay attention. There's

01:48:48.869 --> 01:48:53.409
something wrong. This is not the answer. What?

01:48:53.449 --> 01:49:16.649
Does the princess die? Yeah. He's a little jacked

01:49:16.649 --> 01:49:18.130
up, huh? Well, I guess we shouldn't be pointing

01:49:18.130 --> 01:49:25.060
and laughing right now. We don't do gay. This

01:49:25.060 --> 01:49:27.479
isn't the real edit, is it? No, this is a weird

01:49:27.479 --> 01:49:31.840
edit. It's fucked up. I love my son. I don't

01:49:31.840 --> 01:49:34.119
know what this is. This is not it. I was really

01:49:34.119 --> 01:49:36.100
fucking you up. I don't want to see that. It's

01:49:36.100 --> 01:49:39.260
good. You can go find him if you want to, but

01:49:39.260 --> 01:49:44.359
he's severely troubled. Yeah, he's a mess. He's

01:49:44.359 --> 01:49:46.079
on something, right? You know what the thing

01:49:46.079 --> 01:49:47.880
about those notes is? No one can read them. I

01:49:47.880 --> 01:49:50.279
could read them. Some hermetic text. Yeah, I

01:49:50.279 --> 01:49:52.800
write them in Sanskrit. It's like my own script,

01:49:52.939 --> 01:49:54.739
so no one else can read my shit. Why not front

01:49:54.739 --> 01:49:58.720
pocket, though? Front pocket's too small. Who

01:49:58.720 --> 01:50:01.279
thought that was a decent idea? Did I say that?

01:50:01.279 --> 01:50:06.520
That was heavy as fuck. I don't want that. It's

01:50:06.520 --> 01:50:09.260
Apollo Santos. I don't want that. Look, he's

01:50:09.260 --> 01:50:11.159
clearly on something, right? Or he keeps hugging

01:50:11.159 --> 01:50:13.920
himself. Come on, man. That was a broad video.

01:50:15.370 --> 01:50:18.710
Bad trip. The guy's... Some rainbows. The thing's

01:50:18.710 --> 01:50:20.649
a bummer, but it's even more of a bummer, the

01:50:20.649 --> 01:50:23.869
rest of it. Ah. Jerks out 10, 12 hours a day.

01:50:23.909 --> 01:50:26.739
I got it. What? But... Yeah, the same guy said

01:50:26.739 --> 01:50:28.680
he jerked off 10 to 12 hours a day. Wow. He was

01:50:28.680 --> 01:50:31.760
on Intervention. What? For jerking? Yeah, he

01:50:31.760 --> 01:50:33.760
was on another show too, right? Yeah. What was

01:50:33.760 --> 01:50:35.439
the other show he was on? Divorce Court. Yeah.

01:50:35.579 --> 01:50:38.220
This guy, he had a fucking run, dude. He fought

01:50:38.220 --> 01:50:40.920
in the UFC? Yeah. Before that? Wow. He was on

01:50:40.920 --> 01:50:42.939
Intervention, Divorce Court. Renaissance, man.

01:50:42.939 --> 01:50:44.680
Really fucking tragic. And then his kid becomes

01:50:44.680 --> 01:50:47.479
a shooter. Fucking horrendous ending. Yeah. But

01:50:47.479 --> 01:50:49.899
did he do porn? I think he did pornography as

01:50:49.899 --> 01:50:52.079
well. Yeah, he definitely did. Pull it up. Just

01:50:52.079 --> 01:50:55.529
imagine, you know, that's your dad. Imagine you're

01:50:55.529 --> 01:50:59.829
that kid. Imagine where we live in 2022, that

01:50:59.829 --> 01:51:02.510
kind of thing where there's shootings, mass shootings,

01:51:02.630 --> 01:51:07.649
multiple times a week. It's wild. Yes. Shut up,

01:51:07.649 --> 01:51:09.770
dude. He's talking about fucking... It's copycats.

01:51:09.890 --> 01:51:12.229
It's very strange. That's what it is. One guy

01:51:12.229 --> 01:51:15.029
saw, oh, we can shoot people now, and then they

01:51:15.029 --> 01:51:16.829
just do it. I think it's copycats. What is it

01:51:16.829 --> 01:51:19.310
saying? We need an episode on the Colorado shooter's

01:51:19.310 --> 01:51:22.369
father, a drug -smuggling, meth -using, MMA fighter

01:51:22.369 --> 01:51:27.210
turned porn star. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Is that

01:51:27.210 --> 01:51:29.689
a kid? That soul patch is a red flag. Is that

01:51:29.689 --> 01:51:32.170
the kid? Yeah. That's the kid? Leader of Limp

01:51:32.170 --> 01:51:34.989
Bizkit. Oh, this one got sad. We got to clean

01:51:34.989 --> 01:51:37.989
it up. Stop it. Come on with the skulls. That's

01:51:37.989 --> 01:51:40.789
a rough one. So how about that at World Cup?

01:51:40.930 --> 01:51:44.590
USA won. They beat the women -hating Iranians.

01:51:44.590 --> 01:51:47.789
Did you see that this guy got assassinated in

01:51:47.789 --> 01:51:54.329
his car by the police? He got assassinated in

01:51:54.329 --> 01:51:58.850
his car for cheering. He was cheering for USA.

01:51:59.069 --> 01:52:01.949
Pull the Charmin Bears up. The Charmin Bears

01:52:01.949 --> 01:52:04.710
are very nice. Do something. Yeah, there we go.

01:52:04.789 --> 01:52:08.050
A dunk contest. Or a fat guy falling. Who got

01:52:08.050 --> 01:52:12.270
shot? Come on. JR. He was just a fan of the USA

01:52:12.270 --> 01:52:17.390
beating Iran. He was just celebrating. Iran man

01:52:17.390 --> 01:52:20.149
said killed by security forces while celebrating

01:52:20.149 --> 01:52:23.390
World Cup loss to USA. He's rubbing it in everybody's

01:52:23.390 --> 01:52:24.989
face. Why was he celebrating? He was like, ah,

01:52:25.270 --> 01:52:27.210
losers. You care about soccer. There's a lot

01:52:27.210 --> 01:52:30.250
of people that are angry in Iran right now. They're

01:52:30.250 --> 01:52:34.789
angry at the government. So he was honking his

01:52:34.789 --> 01:52:37.210
horn, and they just fucking shot into his car

01:52:37.210 --> 01:52:38.609
and killed him, shot him in the head. And we

01:52:38.609 --> 01:52:40.170
talk about America being shitty. Dude, that's

01:52:40.170 --> 01:52:42.649
a guy who worked at Cafe Wah. After Trump got

01:52:42.649 --> 01:52:44.930
elected, black guy, he started going to everybody.

01:52:45.010 --> 01:52:46.949
He goes, we did it. He started trying to give

01:52:46.949 --> 01:52:49.130
high fives the night of the election. We did.

01:52:49.189 --> 01:52:51.189
People were like, what? Trump? Yeah. Oh, that's

01:52:51.189 --> 01:52:53.649
funny. Black guy fucking high five. They're confused.

01:52:54.989 --> 01:53:00.420
Damn, I ran, huh? And I haven't peed yet. I'm

01:53:00.420 --> 01:53:03.340
going to outlast you on pissing. I bet I can

01:53:03.340 --> 01:53:05.760
outlast you. I believe you. All right. I believe

01:53:05.760 --> 01:53:07.760
in you. Trying to get something going here, JoJo.

01:53:08.020 --> 01:53:10.520
No, I believe in you. All right. You're done

01:53:10.520 --> 01:53:12.899
with competition, huh? I can only compete so

01:53:12.899 --> 01:53:15.579
many times on who has to pee. All right. It's

01:53:15.579 --> 01:53:19.279
not a smart thing to get involved with. Really?

01:53:19.859 --> 01:53:22.640
It's like a gambling addiction. As a bed wetter,

01:53:22.640 --> 01:53:24.920
I got a bladder like you wouldn't believe. Seriously,

01:53:25.300 --> 01:53:27.720
my dad wouldn't let me pee after 6 p .m. Jesus

01:53:27.720 --> 01:53:29.500
Christ, really? Well, he wouldn't let me have

01:53:29.500 --> 01:53:31.520
liquid after 6 p .m. because he was worried about

01:53:31.520 --> 01:53:33.779
me wetting the bed. He's old school. Yeah, that

01:53:33.779 --> 01:53:36.739
6 p .m. was the limit, was the cutoff. So I was

01:53:36.739 --> 01:53:38.300
just thirsty eating Doritos. Did you have the

01:53:38.300 --> 01:53:41.859
alarm clock bed spread? No, but I had the thing

01:53:41.859 --> 01:53:44.520
that I clipped to my boxers that it felt wetness

01:53:44.520 --> 01:53:47.399
and it would beep. It would beep. I just drink

01:53:47.399 --> 01:53:50.560
water when I'm thirsty. And I drink water with

01:53:50.560 --> 01:53:53.039
electrolytes at night and I know I have to pee.

01:53:53.239 --> 01:53:55.920
And I'm like, this is a stupid move. Yeah. No,

01:53:56.020 --> 01:53:57.500
this is a stupid move. I'm drinking water at

01:53:57.500 --> 01:53:59.619
10 p .m. I'm chugging a giant thing of water

01:53:59.619 --> 01:54:02.079
at 10 p .m. But I don't care. I'm like, right

01:54:02.079 --> 01:54:03.779
now I'm thirsty. Yeah. And then in the middle

01:54:03.779 --> 01:54:05.319
of the night, I'm like, you dumb motherfucker.

01:54:05.760 --> 01:54:07.399
Stupid. Three o 'clock in the morning, I have

01:54:07.399 --> 01:54:09.479
to pee. I'm like, you stupid fuck. But you won't

01:54:09.479 --> 01:54:12.439
be hungover at least. Yeah. It hydrates. But

01:54:12.439 --> 01:54:14.829
it's not even, I do it all the time anyway. Yeah,

01:54:14.850 --> 01:54:17.050
well, you don't take sleeping pills. No. I'm

01:54:17.050 --> 01:54:19.369
hooked. You're hooked. I need them. You love

01:54:19.369 --> 01:54:20.829
the weed. Which ones do you take? Well, I take

01:54:20.829 --> 01:54:24.270
edibles just to conk out, and then I take Seroquil.

01:54:24.470 --> 01:54:26.850
No, really? Is that bad? I don't know. Anything

01:54:26.850 --> 01:54:28.630
like that. Let's find out. Doesn't sound natural.

01:54:28.750 --> 01:54:31.310
Lucky we have Google. Definitely ain't natural.

01:54:31.409 --> 01:54:33.449
I'd like you to say, give it a goog. Give it

01:54:33.449 --> 01:54:35.810
a goog, J -Mo, but I can't sleep without it.

01:54:36.090 --> 01:54:38.829
I'm not a sleeper. I've been up all night. But

01:54:38.829 --> 01:54:40.109
don't you think eventually you'd fall asleep?

01:54:41.030 --> 01:54:43.390
Yeah, but then you got to wake up at, you know,

01:54:43.390 --> 01:54:45.729
eight. He's hooked. But don't you think that

01:54:45.729 --> 01:54:47.989
eventually you would get into a cycle where you

01:54:47.989 --> 01:54:49.569
could just go to sleep and then wake up? No.

01:54:49.609 --> 01:54:52.390
Can't sleep without it. No. The brain, it just

01:54:52.390 --> 01:54:54.350
keeps going. It's like a Japanese game show.

01:54:54.850 --> 01:54:59.109
It keeps going. So your mind, okay, so it's like

01:54:59.109 --> 01:55:01.390
an idea thing. So you're like flooded with ideas

01:55:01.390 --> 01:55:03.689
and you have to lay down and you're lying down.

01:55:03.770 --> 01:55:05.810
You can't stop thinking. Can't. The memories,

01:55:05.850 --> 01:55:10.369
the childhood, the jokes, the mean stuff. The

01:55:10.369 --> 01:55:12.329
hatred. You're tired. As soon as you shut your

01:55:12.329 --> 01:55:15.109
eyes, it goes. You say the mean stuff and the

01:55:15.109 --> 01:55:17.130
hatred. Is that the phenomenon? No, meme stuff

01:55:17.130 --> 01:55:19.270
or mean stuff? Mean stuff. You said mean stuff.

01:55:19.369 --> 01:55:21.970
Mean. You know, mean thoughts. You suck. You're

01:55:21.970 --> 01:55:23.850
not funny. You're worthless. You know, all that

01:55:23.850 --> 01:55:31.029
shit. There's a risk of tardive dyskinesia. Am

01:55:31.029 --> 01:55:34.149
I saying that right? Dyskinesia. Thank you. Dyskinesia.

01:55:35.260 --> 01:55:38.079
Uncontrollable repetitive facial movements associated

01:55:38.079 --> 01:55:41.520
with antipsychotics, including Seroquel. You're

01:55:41.520 --> 01:55:44.159
taking an antipsychotic, son. Significant weight

01:55:44.159 --> 01:55:47.619
loss has been reported, although may cause weight

01:55:47.619 --> 01:55:51.739
gain in some people. Okay. May precipitate a

01:55:51.739 --> 01:55:55.960
manic episode in people with undiagnosed bipolar

01:55:55.960 --> 01:55:57.939
disorder. I don't think I have that. Well, there

01:55:57.939 --> 01:55:59.779
you go. It's undiagnosed. So I'm all right. So

01:55:59.779 --> 01:56:02.039
are those the only side effects? That's not bad.

01:56:03.300 --> 01:56:06.859
Your doctor should monitor progression of potential

01:56:06.859 --> 01:56:09.439
long -term side effects of Seroquel, which can

01:56:09.439 --> 01:56:13.979
include cataracts, weight gain, high blood sugar,

01:56:14.180 --> 01:56:17.779
high cholesterol, and tardive dyskinesia. He's

01:56:17.779 --> 01:56:20.899
already got it. Tardive dyskinesia. What's Seroquel

01:56:20.899 --> 01:56:23.630
do? Help them sleep. You know what I told them?

01:56:23.670 --> 01:56:25.529
I said, well, just stay up until you can't sleep

01:56:25.529 --> 01:56:27.829
anymore. Or stay up until you can't stay up anymore.

01:56:27.989 --> 01:56:29.289
And they go to sleep. We're in a different time

01:56:29.289 --> 01:56:32.489
zone every day. I'm drinking, the flights, the

01:56:32.489 --> 01:56:34.250
shows, the gigs. Yeah, you're right. How would

01:56:34.250 --> 01:56:37.109
cavemen survive without Seroquel? Well, they

01:56:37.109 --> 01:56:39.430
didn't do the Chuckle Hut either. They didn't

01:56:39.430 --> 01:56:43.229
do the Funny Bone in Omaha. Great room. Do you

01:56:43.229 --> 01:56:45.810
do it because you love it? Do you love that you

01:56:45.810 --> 01:56:47.729
can take a sleeping pill and conk out? And it

01:56:47.729 --> 01:56:50.409
works. Doesn't it fuck you? Don't you get fucking

01:56:50.409 --> 01:56:54.470
wild -ass dreams? Crazy dreams. That's what Kevin

01:56:54.470 --> 01:56:57.229
James told me when he used to take the, what's

01:56:57.229 --> 01:57:00.109
the other one? Ambien. Ambien's bad news. He

01:57:00.109 --> 01:57:03.510
woke up once. He had made dinner in the middle

01:57:03.510 --> 01:57:05.470
of the night and didn't know about it. And he

01:57:05.470 --> 01:57:07.109
went downstairs and was like, who the fuck made

01:57:07.109 --> 01:57:10.449
this? Like, who cooked? Yeah, look at Roseanne.

01:57:10.630 --> 01:57:13.470
She had a career. Oh, yeah. Dude, Ambien is bad.

01:57:13.649 --> 01:57:15.829
Bad. It's like you disassociate. You don't know

01:57:15.829 --> 01:57:17.770
what the fuck you're saying. Oh, yeah. Ari, what

01:57:17.770 --> 01:57:20.279
are you thinking about? I want my dog in here.

01:57:20.680 --> 01:57:22.859
You want your dog? I want him so bad, dude. Go

01:57:22.859 --> 01:57:24.319
get your dog. Bring the dog in. There's a lot

01:57:24.319 --> 01:57:26.100
of electronics. Bring that dog in here. I think

01:57:26.100 --> 01:57:27.279
they're listening in the lobby. Bring the dog

01:57:27.279 --> 01:57:28.640
in. Listen, your dog chews one of the wires.

01:57:28.720 --> 01:57:30.260
We have a real problem. He won't chew wires.

01:57:30.300 --> 01:57:32.319
Kick him in the ribs. Is that a girl? He doesn't

01:57:32.319 --> 01:57:35.819
see gender. Gender is over. You call her a he?

01:57:35.819 --> 01:57:39.479
Is he a she? What is it? It's a he. Oh, it is?

01:57:40.000 --> 01:57:42.579
I'd say. Oh, shit. You got a real Elliot Page

01:57:42.579 --> 01:57:48.689
on you, huh? Sweet dog, dude. Yeah. Where'd you

01:57:48.689 --> 01:57:53.270
get that dog? It's the best. Snars is the name

01:57:53.270 --> 01:57:56.590
of the rescue. Snars on the way to Sal's wedding.

01:57:57.189 --> 01:58:00.729
Thank you. It's a great dog. Sal's wedding. Yeah.

01:58:00.729 --> 01:58:04.550
Some sucker adopted her, and then the dumb fucking

01:58:04.550 --> 01:58:07.449
inbred kid was allergic. Gave it back. Whoa,

01:58:07.449 --> 01:58:09.609
bro. Their loss is my gain. Jewish kid. Why are

01:58:09.609 --> 01:58:12.829
you talking about kids? What? Well, wait a minute.

01:58:12.949 --> 01:58:14.770
Every dog's a rescue now. I've never heard of

01:58:14.770 --> 01:58:17.270
a guy say it's not a rescue. How can they all

01:58:17.270 --> 01:58:19.369
be rescues? How much do you pay for your dog?

01:58:19.489 --> 01:58:21.989
My dog is on a rescue. Yeah, exactly. Louis is

01:58:21.989 --> 01:58:25.010
not. He's a golden retriever. But we wanted a

01:58:25.010 --> 01:58:27.069
very specific kind of dog. Not a rescue golden

01:58:27.069 --> 01:58:30.390
retrievers. Yeah. Or French bulldogs. Everybody

01:58:30.390 --> 01:58:33.010
has one. Those are not rescues. They call rescues,

01:58:33.010 --> 01:58:35.210
I feel like. No way. Although the people that

01:58:35.210 --> 01:58:36.689
would have a French bulldog would say it's a

01:58:36.689 --> 01:58:39.729
rescue. Yeah. But it's not. Certain dogs, they

01:58:39.729 --> 01:58:43.010
just engineered them to be love machines. Yeah.

01:58:43.710 --> 01:58:46.079
Pomeranian. Yeah. Yeah. Those are cute. There's

01:58:46.079 --> 01:58:48.180
dogs that are just fucking love machines. They

01:58:48.180 --> 01:58:50.180
just want to love you. Come here. That's all

01:58:50.180 --> 01:58:52.380
we want. Come on. Because they used to herd sheep

01:58:52.380 --> 01:58:55.939
and fuck kids or whatever, but now they don't

01:58:55.939 --> 01:58:59.260
want that anymore. We just want a hug. Yeah.

01:58:59.739 --> 01:59:03.100
Right? Same with cats. I really enjoy it. What

01:59:03.100 --> 01:59:05.359
are you saying? I really enjoy it. They used

01:59:05.359 --> 01:59:07.640
to hurt sheep and fuck kids away. I'm the only

01:59:07.640 --> 01:59:10.399
one not high up his ass. He's just talking. I'm

01:59:10.399 --> 01:59:14.500
seeing. He's trying to fill the area. I ate half

01:59:14.500 --> 01:59:17.760
of it. I took a stem. Well, no, then we'd have

01:59:17.760 --> 01:59:20.880
no pod. No, that's funny. I actually like it.

01:59:20.960 --> 01:59:23.039
I like what's going on. Guys, we're fine. We

01:59:23.039 --> 01:59:25.220
got a good thing cooking. Ari's out to lunch.

01:59:25.260 --> 01:59:28.770
I'm back! Are you? I'm back. I was gone all minute.

01:59:28.930 --> 01:59:32.430
I'm back. It's like a career. Feeling good. It's

01:59:32.430 --> 01:59:34.189
like a career. It's making me laugh watching

01:59:34.189 --> 01:59:37.430
you. Trying to hold something together. How about

01:59:37.430 --> 01:59:39.649
the World Cup? I'm trying. Guy got fucking shot

01:59:39.649 --> 01:59:43.130
in the face. We don't see each other until every

01:59:43.130 --> 01:59:46.489
four months. Yeah. We just got to be careful

01:59:46.489 --> 01:59:48.829
with the cross talk because it makes nobody can

01:59:48.829 --> 01:59:50.729
understand anything anybody's saying. This episode

01:59:50.729 --> 01:59:56.250
is brought to you by cross talk. Is that an old

01:59:56.250 --> 02:00:01.609
Will Smith sitcom? Will Smith is done. He's not

02:00:01.609 --> 02:00:03.710
done. He's got to make a big comeback. Talk to

02:00:03.710 --> 02:00:06.350
Kanye. He's got a movie coming out. Does he?

02:00:06.430 --> 02:00:08.630
And he's worried about the attendance. What are

02:00:08.630 --> 02:00:11.170
you saying, Jamie? I'm disagreeing. I think it's

02:00:11.170 --> 02:00:15.229
an Apple movie, though. Well, I'm sure they probably

02:00:15.229 --> 02:00:18.430
filmed it all before that. That's true. Isn't

02:00:18.430 --> 02:00:23.569
it like an action movie? It better be. He plays

02:00:23.569 --> 02:00:27.149
a slave escaping. What the fuck? I've never heard

02:00:27.149 --> 02:00:29.390
of that before. It's an action thriller is what

02:00:29.390 --> 02:00:31.130
it's listed as, so yeah, it's emancipation. Maybe

02:00:31.130 --> 02:00:32.909
the guilt will kick in and we'll all go see it.

02:00:33.630 --> 02:00:37.289
So. Oh, my God. Yeah, that is true. Who would

02:00:37.289 --> 02:00:41.750
have thought, guys? The hard part is Chris Rock

02:00:41.750 --> 02:00:43.989
has a lot of pressure to write a book. A chunk

02:00:43.989 --> 02:00:46.210
on that. That's a lot. Smart guy. Not gonna.

02:00:46.710 --> 02:00:49.130
Don't let him fucking say what you do. What?

02:00:49.510 --> 02:00:51.350
He's not gonna let him like, everyone's like,

02:00:51.390 --> 02:00:52.770
now we want a bit about that because I was already

02:00:52.770 --> 02:00:54.569
writing bits. I'm not doing this. I heard he's

02:00:54.569 --> 02:00:57.369
murdering it. Yeah. I heard from everybody's

02:00:57.369 --> 02:00:59.470
murder. I saw him in Austin. He said he murdered

02:00:59.470 --> 02:01:03.029
it. What? Yeah. I went on the road. We went to

02:01:03.029 --> 02:01:07.189
Philly together. How long ago was this? Two months

02:01:07.189 --> 02:01:09.710
ago. Nice. Yeah. How was it? It was incredible.

02:01:10.239 --> 02:01:13.319
It was one of those moments in comedy where you're

02:01:13.319 --> 02:01:16.340
like, God damn. Yeah. It was crazy. That's good

02:01:16.340 --> 02:01:18.960
stuff. But he had a joke about it, and it was...

02:01:20.030 --> 02:01:22.609
Incredibly funny. Okay. Thank God he didn't fucking

02:01:22.609 --> 02:01:27.869
heed your advice, dickhead. Exactly. I heard

02:01:27.869 --> 02:01:30.289
he's back to, like, bring the pain levels. I

02:01:30.289 --> 02:01:33.869
saw the VU, and he was like, the phones are locked

02:01:33.869 --> 02:01:37.409
up, right? And he said crazy shit. He was saying

02:01:37.409 --> 02:01:39.850
crazy shit. Colin Quinn's like, oh, my God. And

02:01:39.850 --> 02:01:41.829
I was like, I felt like old comedy again. Yeah.

02:01:41.890 --> 02:01:44.720
Well. If anybody can do it, he can do it now.

02:01:45.039 --> 02:01:47.560
After getting slapped like that, and they give

02:01:47.560 --> 02:01:49.739
a standing ovation to the guy that slapped him,

02:01:49.779 --> 02:01:52.060
and the Academy Award. They're such fucking phonies.

02:01:52.159 --> 02:01:55.819
Bro, it's a mind virus. And if anybody didn't

02:01:55.819 --> 02:01:58.699
know it, if you watch that just pattern of behavior,

02:01:58.819 --> 02:02:00.579
how that all plays out, and how that makes any

02:02:00.579 --> 02:02:04.539
sense to anybody, that's how crazy those people

02:02:04.539 --> 02:02:07.960
are. They don't know what to do. Oh, buddy! Yeah!

02:02:08.380 --> 02:02:11.199
Let's get a dog in here. Best dog in the world!

02:02:13.380 --> 02:02:15.359
Already chewed a quarter. Chewed a quarter right

02:02:15.359 --> 02:02:18.239
away. Chewed it away, did he? It was a quarter.

02:02:18.239 --> 02:02:20.680
Went straight for a quarter. Oh, it's ice cubes.

02:02:22.039 --> 02:02:25.319
I give him cheap treats. That's the first addition

02:02:25.319 --> 02:02:29.079
to this group is that dog. The only person we've

02:02:29.079 --> 02:02:32.859
let in. What did you just say? See how Brian

02:02:32.859 --> 02:02:34.479
Simpson was trying to get on? He was trying.

02:02:34.500 --> 02:02:37.380
Just to go do a drink contest with you. Like,

02:02:37.420 --> 02:02:39.439
what are we doing here? Not on my watch, Bri.

02:02:40.079 --> 02:02:42.180
Look at that sweetie. There's only four mics.

02:02:44.239 --> 02:02:47.159
That is a nice dog. Good looking, bitch. That

02:02:47.159 --> 02:02:50.020
dog's in love with you. Oh, no. Come on, man.

02:02:50.380 --> 02:02:53.260
That's fucking weird. That's gross. That's white

02:02:53.260 --> 02:02:55.159
people shit. Don't put a camera on that. All

02:02:55.159 --> 02:02:57.119
right. You're out of the group. That'll get a

02:02:57.119 --> 02:02:58.119
spam from YouTube. Dude, the dog doesn't like

02:02:58.119 --> 02:02:59.779
it. You're fucking that dog. The dog is like,

02:02:59.819 --> 02:03:01.539
what is this guy doing to me? Well, now the dog's

02:03:01.539 --> 02:03:04.000
going to get high. You ever hear Big Jay's joke

02:03:04.000 --> 02:03:07.560
about Michael Jackson had dog belly? No. Just

02:03:07.560 --> 02:03:13.520
kidding. Oh, my God. It's so funny. That's great.

02:03:14.859 --> 02:03:20.600
Oh, man. Big J, funny guy. The best. You can't

02:03:20.600 --> 02:03:22.279
have her running around here, brother. No, she's

02:03:22.279 --> 02:03:24.340
fine. She doesn't chew cords. Yeah, but that's

02:03:24.340 --> 02:03:26.000
what you say. You don't know. She's definitely

02:03:26.000 --> 02:03:28.060
going to chew cords. She's going to chew a cord.

02:03:28.520 --> 02:03:31.260
She never chewed a cord before. I never thought

02:03:31.260 --> 02:03:34.420
you would chew a cord. It's a dog. It's not a

02:03:34.420 --> 02:03:37.720
rat. Dog better not chew a cord. I gave her ice.

02:03:39.920 --> 02:03:42.729
According to Jim. Don't you feel better with

02:03:42.729 --> 02:03:45.229
the presence of a dog in here? I'll see you all

02:03:45.229 --> 02:03:51.090
in hell. Fucking Jim. What did you say? He just

02:03:51.090 --> 02:03:54.229
goes, according to Jim. I got the cord in there.

02:03:56.689 --> 02:04:00.789
All right, J -Mo. Bring it up according to Jim.

02:04:01.750 --> 02:04:04.029
Every time he has a reference, I want an image

02:04:04.029 --> 02:04:07.029
of it. It'd be nice. Jesus Christ. That's the

02:04:07.029 --> 02:04:09.819
Jim Belushi song. Show, right? According to Jim.

02:04:10.859 --> 02:04:12.920
According to Jim. Crazy reference. I'll never

02:04:12.920 --> 02:04:14.859
not think about it every time I see it. According

02:04:14.859 --> 02:04:17.420
to Jim. Those shows, you try to watch those shows.

02:04:17.479 --> 02:04:20.979
Try to watch one of those really bland sitcoms.

02:04:21.000 --> 02:04:26.180
Oh, man. That's just in Norman's brain. They're

02:04:26.180 --> 02:04:29.079
talking about cords. Don't they have to take

02:04:29.079 --> 02:04:31.680
the kids and be happy and jovial? The wife's

02:04:31.680 --> 02:04:35.239
always too hot, and he's always an idiot. It's

02:04:35.239 --> 02:04:39.300
like every show prototype. Try watching one of

02:04:39.300 --> 02:04:42.000
those now. It just seems like you're watching

02:04:42.000 --> 02:04:44.699
people wear powdered wigs in the 18th century.

02:04:44.880 --> 02:04:48.220
It's so fake. The laugh track. It's so fake now.

02:04:48.260 --> 02:04:52.539
It's so weird. It's so weird. It's kooky. Well,

02:04:52.640 --> 02:04:54.819
you know, the thing is, once you get used to

02:04:54.819 --> 02:04:57.199
doing podcasts and talking like this, talking

02:04:57.199 --> 02:05:00.880
normal, there he is. Hey! That guy rules. Is

02:05:00.880 --> 02:05:01.979
he growing weird? He does look like he rules.

02:05:01.979 --> 02:05:06.180
He might rule. I think he rules. Was the jury

02:05:06.180 --> 02:05:09.079
out? He definitely rules. He's got a cowboy hat.

02:05:09.319 --> 02:05:12.000
He left Hollywood to launch a pod farm. Fuck

02:05:12.000 --> 02:05:14.359
yeah! He gets it. Oh, yeah, that's hot. He gets

02:05:14.359 --> 02:05:17.180
it. Good for him. That's smart. Listen, who am

02:05:17.180 --> 02:05:19.020
I to judge? I was on Fear Factor for six years.

02:05:19.060 --> 02:05:21.939
Oh, good point. I would have done that stupid

02:05:21.939 --> 02:05:24.960
show. I would have been his wacky brother. Come

02:05:24.960 --> 02:05:28.439
on, man. Let's go to the club. I would have been

02:05:28.439 --> 02:05:31.399
his brother on that stupid show. Yeah, you're

02:05:31.399 --> 02:05:34.439
right. Listen, back in those days, especially

02:05:34.439 --> 02:05:36.640
in the 90s, when people offered you roles on

02:05:36.640 --> 02:05:38.819
sitcoms, you said yes. Of course. Look at Andy

02:05:38.819 --> 02:05:41.260
Dick. Made a career out of it. Yeah, well, I

02:05:41.260 --> 02:05:43.720
was on news radio with him. How was he? He was

02:05:43.720 --> 02:05:45.909
funny. He's a funny guy. He's funny. He's fucking

02:05:45.909 --> 02:05:49.149
talented as shit, man. We had scenes, and I couldn't

02:05:49.149 --> 02:05:51.369
stop laughing. I couldn't keep a straight face.

02:05:51.390 --> 02:05:53.289
There's a scene in news radio that I always point

02:05:53.289 --> 02:05:56.510
to. It's them burying a rat, and then Joe not

02:05:56.510 --> 02:05:58.489
able to. They didn't get any good takes without

02:05:58.489 --> 02:06:01.029
Joe laughing. Really? Yeah. You got to find it.

02:06:01.050 --> 02:06:02.770
It's them burying a rat, and someone's like,

02:06:02.810 --> 02:06:05.579
we should say a service to the rat. And then

02:06:05.579 --> 02:06:08.239
he's so funny, and Joe's like, Joe, just say

02:06:08.239 --> 02:06:10.640
nothing. I'm sure, right? Yeah, I just couldn't.

02:06:10.640 --> 02:06:13.699
I was just hanging in there as much as I could.

02:06:13.739 --> 02:06:16.560
We did like six takes. How was it being on that

02:06:16.560 --> 02:06:18.739
set? You got Phil Hartman. You got the other

02:06:18.739 --> 02:06:21.199
guy. Andy Dick was the funniest. Really? Yeah,

02:06:21.300 --> 02:06:23.880
it was a different kind of funny. Towards the

02:06:23.880 --> 02:06:28.079
end. Dave Foley was very funny. I love Foley.

02:06:29.140 --> 02:06:31.279
No, that's when everyone's around later. Or right

02:06:31.279 --> 02:06:36.750
before this. Right before this. Friendship. What

02:06:36.750 --> 02:06:40.270
is it? For our kind, it's camaraderie and conversation.

02:06:41.010 --> 02:06:43.350
But for those poor creatures eking out a hard

02:06:43.350 --> 02:06:45.310
scrabble existence every day, it's something

02:06:45.310 --> 02:06:49.369
else entirely. Man, you are hunky. You're a hunk,

02:06:49.369 --> 02:06:52.810
dude. A tasty bean. So as we bid farewell to

02:06:52.810 --> 02:06:54.550
Mike, or Mike's friend, we'll never know for

02:06:54.550 --> 02:06:57.430
sure, we must remember that we... Someone had

02:06:57.430 --> 02:06:59.350
an overnight pickup. Hey, buddy, we're in the

02:06:59.350 --> 02:07:01.590
middle of something here, okay? Yeah, I'm sorry.

02:07:01.630 --> 02:07:03.529
If you could just give us a moment, thanks. All

02:07:03.529 --> 02:07:10.340
right, I guess... Did you bang any cast members?

02:07:11.739 --> 02:07:16.180
Just Dave. She's got a bod on her. Just Dave.

02:07:17.479 --> 02:07:19.399
I think we might be playing too much of this.

02:07:19.479 --> 02:07:22.460
It's right after this. Yeah. I'm fucking enthralled.

02:07:22.829 --> 02:07:25.050
Yeah, I'm bored. I like it. I'm bored and it's

02:07:25.050 --> 02:07:27.510
me. No, but if it was me, I'd say, please turn

02:07:27.510 --> 02:07:29.350
this off. I think that's the wrong one. No, it's

02:07:29.350 --> 02:07:32.350
watch. It was that. You're a stupid fucking watch

02:07:32.350 --> 02:07:36.829
again. Why, dude? It's a Timex. So many things

02:07:36.829 --> 02:07:38.989
are so confusing to me. Never stops ticking.

02:07:39.090 --> 02:07:42.449
But it also makes sense. Where's that dog? You

02:07:42.449 --> 02:07:44.789
better not be chewing on fucking cords. Oh, great.

02:07:45.010 --> 02:07:48.840
Oh, I gave him a shroom chocolate. The chocolate's

02:07:48.840 --> 02:07:52.439
a problem. It's a Shafir. He's had plenty. Oh,

02:07:52.439 --> 02:07:54.819
really? Isn't it weird that chocolates kill dogs?

02:07:55.039 --> 02:07:59.479
That's crazy. Does it? Yeah. I've seen it. You've

02:07:59.479 --> 02:08:02.319
seen it? I did it. What? I didn't know. I gave

02:08:02.319 --> 02:08:05.600
him a Twix. Really? Yeah, when I was a kid. Wait,

02:08:05.600 --> 02:08:08.859
what? The dog died? Really? It flips, it spazzes,

02:08:08.859 --> 02:08:11.560
it's wild. Wow. Is that how you did it? That

02:08:11.560 --> 02:08:13.979
was me. That's how you did it. You made me be

02:08:13.979 --> 02:08:16.439
trapped in twigs. It's bromine content. It's

02:08:16.439 --> 02:08:19.239
like a horse with a carrot. It's theobromine

02:08:19.239 --> 02:08:21.739
content, which dogs are unable to metabolize

02:08:21.739 --> 02:08:24.380
correctly. If your dog eats chocolate, you should

02:08:24.380 --> 02:08:27.439
monitor them closely and seek veterinary attention

02:08:27.439 --> 02:08:29.680
if they show any symptoms or if they're very

02:08:29.680 --> 02:08:32.060
young, pregnant, or have other health concerns.

02:08:32.319 --> 02:08:34.380
There you go. What happened to the dog? What

02:08:34.380 --> 02:08:37.859
kind of dog was it? A lot of yakking. No. Damn.

02:08:38.079 --> 02:08:43.140
A terrier. Shadow. No, Shadow. Like a Wizard

02:08:43.140 --> 02:08:45.380
of Oz dog. You ever hear about that bear that

02:08:45.380 --> 02:08:48.699
ate the cocaine? Yes. Pablo Escobar. They're

02:08:48.699 --> 02:08:52.079
making a movie now. Come on. Come on. That's

02:08:52.079 --> 02:08:55.319
not mine. That's a great joke. I wish. Wait,

02:08:55.439 --> 02:08:57.859
what was the bear that ate the coke? Yeah, like

02:08:57.859 --> 02:09:00.180
some dudes dropped some coke out of parachutes.

02:09:00.180 --> 02:09:01.819
It's an air drop drug dealers and a bear got

02:09:01.819 --> 02:09:03.439
all of that. It's a movie now? They're making

02:09:03.439 --> 02:09:10.020
a movie. Oh, Jesus. Coke dump bear is killing

02:09:10.020 --> 02:09:20.779
everybody. That's fun. Coked up bear. That's

02:09:20.779 --> 02:09:21.880
a good movie. Boy, movies have hit a new low,

02:09:21.979 --> 02:09:24.739
huh? This is probably the best movie you'll ever

02:09:24.739 --> 02:09:27.260
see. What the fuck are you talking about? A coked

02:09:27.260 --> 02:09:30.680
up bear? This movie rules. This movie rules.

02:09:30.899 --> 02:09:32.899
This is actually a good one. Why would you ever

02:09:32.899 --> 02:09:34.380
not be watching this movie? This movie rules.

02:09:34.699 --> 02:09:36.840
Look at this. They find packages of coke based,

02:09:36.960 --> 02:09:40.220
inspired by truth. Oh, Ray Liotta's last movie.

02:09:41.100 --> 02:09:44.380
His last movie was Cocaine Bear. Look at it.

02:09:44.380 --> 02:09:47.220
The bear's eating the coke. And the guy's yelling

02:09:47.220 --> 02:10:07.329
at the bear. Bro. This is silly. Oh, come on,

02:10:07.329 --> 02:10:11.710
guys. It's the height of comedy. This is pretty

02:10:11.710 --> 02:10:15.189
fucking shitty. Yeah. Not so bad. This is like

02:10:15.189 --> 02:10:17.250
the worst movie that's ever been. Ray Liotta

02:10:17.250 --> 02:10:20.149
was... Damn. This is his last movie. I gotta

02:10:20.149 --> 02:10:21.489
see that. I gotta see that. What's the name of

02:10:21.489 --> 02:10:23.689
that? Cocaine Bear. I'll definitely see it. Cocaine

02:10:23.689 --> 02:10:24.630
Bear. I don't think you're creative enough to

02:10:24.630 --> 02:10:26.310
change it to get a good title either. What are

02:10:26.310 --> 02:10:28.149
you talking about doing like a fight companion

02:10:28.149 --> 02:10:30.829
for bad movies? That's a great idea. That might

02:10:30.829 --> 02:10:33.449
be the movie. Mystery Summit. Come on. That might

02:10:33.449 --> 02:10:36.350
be the movie to do it. Cocaine Bear. They should

02:10:36.350 --> 02:10:37.829
have gone the other way and have the bear be

02:10:37.829 --> 02:10:39.829
like, we should start a bar. This is the best

02:10:39.829 --> 02:10:41.750
night of our lives. We're having a great time.

02:10:42.010 --> 02:10:48.630
You've gotten into crypto? Yeah. FTX. That FTX

02:10:48.630 --> 02:10:50.989
thing is crazy because so many people were spokespeople

02:10:50.989 --> 02:10:54.819
for it. Is that the one where Tom Brady broke

02:10:54.819 --> 02:10:56.899
up his marriage? Tom Brady's having a rough fucking...

02:10:56.899 --> 02:10:58.539
That didn't break up his marriage. Oh, I bet

02:10:58.539 --> 02:11:04.979
that was it. You can quote me on that. I'm telling

02:11:04.979 --> 02:11:07.659
you, she was like, we better split ties right

02:11:07.659 --> 02:11:10.119
now there, Tommy, because it's about to get ugly.

02:11:12.720 --> 02:11:14.840
Who's the fortune favors the bold? Who's that?

02:11:15.439 --> 02:11:19.359
That was Matt Damon. Matt Damon for which Bitcoin?

02:11:20.530 --> 02:11:24.029
Who cares? I forget. Which what? Crypto. Fortune

02:11:24.029 --> 02:11:27.250
favors the bold. Crypto fucking arena. Fortune

02:11:27.250 --> 02:11:29.510
Feimster. I think they own the Staples Center

02:11:29.510 --> 02:11:32.289
now. When he was comparing it to people going

02:11:32.289 --> 02:11:35.090
to the moon, and I'm like, bro. They don't own

02:11:35.090 --> 02:11:36.789
it. They named it. They don't own it. Well, of

02:11:36.789 --> 02:11:37.890
course. They were talking about it. Thank you,

02:11:37.890 --> 02:11:41.289
JD. JD, correct me real quick for you. What did

02:11:41.289 --> 02:11:43.710
you say? I said they don't own it. We can't have

02:11:43.710 --> 02:11:45.470
three different conversations going on, kids.

02:11:46.159 --> 02:11:48.899
When they were talking about how many kids he

02:11:48.899 --> 02:11:50.920
was doing that commercial where he's like comparing

02:11:50.920 --> 02:11:54.659
it to like space travel Yeah, talking about innovators

02:11:54.659 --> 02:11:56.739
groundbreakers. Look at this telling all these

02:11:56.739 --> 02:11:59.239
fucking barely making people to throw away Matt

02:11:59.239 --> 02:12:02.619
Damon fans who almost adventured who almost achieved

02:12:02.619 --> 02:12:06.899
But ultimately for them it proved to be too much.

02:12:06.939 --> 02:12:13.909
He's telling regular people to be Galileo Embrace

02:12:13.909 --> 02:12:15.350
the mode that guys might embrace them all the

02:12:15.350 --> 02:12:18.630
guys are crazy. Fuck climbing up glacier. That's

02:12:18.630 --> 02:12:22.770
not smart man Cheesy the Wright brothers Near

02:12:22.770 --> 02:12:27.810
mortals. Oh my god me funny those guys admitted

02:12:27.810 --> 02:12:42.250
flight and climb the mountain. They're like Fortune

02:12:42.250 --> 02:12:46.670
favors the brave. It's not really braved by crypto.

02:12:47.350 --> 02:12:52.869
Well, it is now. Now it is. When something like

02:12:52.869 --> 02:12:55.350
that FTX thing goes down where you watch billions

02:12:55.350 --> 02:12:58.430
of dollars just disappear, yeah. I lost a fortune.

02:13:00.250 --> 02:13:01.989
Fortune favors the brave? Is that what you were

02:13:01.989 --> 02:13:03.609
doing there with that? Well, I'm just saying

02:13:03.609 --> 02:13:05.350
I lost a lot of money. Did you lose a lot of

02:13:05.350 --> 02:13:07.569
money? Yeah. You really did put money in crypto?

02:13:07.569 --> 02:13:09.600
I did. I'm trying to tell you. Oh, I thought

02:13:09.600 --> 02:13:12.239
you were joking. No, no. I lost a ton. How much?

02:13:12.699 --> 02:13:14.680
I don't want to get into numbers here. It's being

02:13:14.680 --> 02:13:20.699
impolite. How much? Enough to disturb you. That

02:13:20.699 --> 02:13:22.380
was the first time I checked. I lost like 15

02:13:22.380 --> 02:13:24.600
grand. In the tens of thousands. This year. Yeah.

02:13:25.279 --> 02:13:26.939
I thought it was the right thing to do. I saw

02:13:26.939 --> 02:13:29.239
the commercial. I was never going to take it

02:13:29.239 --> 02:13:31.399
out of there. So people are suing Larry David.

02:13:31.659 --> 02:13:33.659
Yeah. He was just in a commercial. Because he

02:13:33.659 --> 02:13:37.460
did a commercial for them. They're suing, there's

02:13:37.460 --> 02:13:39.699
a class action lawsuit. I think it involves,

02:13:40.079 --> 02:13:44.119
find out what it does. Tom Brady, Larry David.

02:13:44.439 --> 02:13:45.640
They're saying, why'd you tell us to do this?

02:13:45.699 --> 02:13:47.260
I don't know that it's gone through yet. I think

02:13:47.260 --> 02:13:49.220
they've talked about it. So some people are saying,

02:13:49.300 --> 02:13:50.939
but then there's also the people that are like,

02:13:51.039 --> 02:13:53.739
where's my money? Yeah. And this guy is just

02:13:53.739 --> 02:13:57.140
going to go to some New York Times thing that

02:13:57.140 --> 02:14:00.399
they're doing this week, right? There you go.

02:14:00.600 --> 02:14:03.619
Yeah. They've got some New York Times thing where

02:14:03.619 --> 02:14:05.560
people are speaking. And he's going to go up

02:14:05.560 --> 02:14:10.760
there, hey, I fucked up. Hey, everyone. Don't

02:14:10.760 --> 02:14:12.880
do that. In the end, you shouldn't do that. It's

02:14:12.880 --> 02:14:20.479
live? Whoa. He's on right now? Okay. It's probably

02:14:20.479 --> 02:14:22.300
going to be very boring. Oh, let it go. Let it

02:14:22.300 --> 02:14:39.100
go. This guy's a weirdo. What the fuck, dude?

02:14:39.439 --> 02:14:43.500
This is nuts. It's like Oz. It's like the fucking

02:14:43.500 --> 02:14:46.600
guy back there. Right. I don't like it. Don't

02:14:46.600 --> 02:14:50.100
look past the curtain. Couldn't get this guy

02:14:50.100 --> 02:14:52.619
a better plant? All right, put the headphones

02:14:52.619 --> 02:14:54.340
on so you can hear this guy. I don't want to

02:14:54.340 --> 02:14:59.199
hear him. No, it's bizarre. Jewish yay or nay?

02:14:59.779 --> 02:15:03.180
What? Could be. I would go yay. What are you

02:15:03.180 --> 02:15:07.119
talking about? What's his name? Fried. Fried.

02:15:07.340 --> 02:15:15.140
Yeah, 100%. He balled out. Got a real bird's

02:15:15.140 --> 02:15:22.039
nest on him, huh? Jealous. Yeah, Mulaney. Look

02:15:22.039 --> 02:15:28.300
at him shaking. I think he just shakes. Bro,

02:15:28.300 --> 02:15:33.600
he's tweaking. Yeah, look at the pupils are huge.

02:15:35.039 --> 02:15:49.640
Like a doll's eyes. This is weird. Keep going.

02:15:50.180 --> 02:15:51.920
I don't know if he's the only guy watching. I

02:15:51.920 --> 02:15:53.260
don't even understand. He has to be the only

02:15:53.260 --> 02:15:57.960
people watching. Keep going. I'm just studying

02:15:57.960 --> 02:16:03.199
him. And the same original people. But most of

02:16:03.199 --> 02:16:05.140
the remaining nexuses, you said, have dropped

02:16:05.140 --> 02:16:08.180
off. Nexuses? I know the people from Alameda

02:16:08.180 --> 02:16:10.899
decently well. Almost as if you don't know what's

02:16:10.899 --> 02:16:13.479
happening there. And there isn't like a large

02:16:13.479 --> 02:16:15.279
amount, you know, of ways remain that we are

02:16:15.279 --> 02:16:18.199
actively working together. Anything like that,

02:16:18.279 --> 02:16:21.340
Alameda is a wholly separate entity. They're

02:16:21.340 --> 02:16:24.079
different offices, like different principal offices.

02:16:24.140 --> 02:16:26.479
We don't have any shared personnel. We're also

02:16:26.479 --> 02:16:29.260
not the same company. We not all are under the

02:16:29.260 --> 02:16:30.739
same corporate umbrella or anything like that.

02:16:30.779 --> 02:16:34.379
And yet it seems like Alameda people, we're living

02:16:34.379 --> 02:16:37.459
in the same penthouse where you may very well

02:16:37.459 --> 02:16:39.180
be right now. I guess it seems that way, doesn't

02:16:39.180 --> 02:16:43.770
it, asshole? Yeah, right? Most of Alameda was

02:16:43.770 --> 02:16:49.090
not there. I don't live there now, or not there

02:16:49.090 --> 02:16:53.489
now. I have not lived there. Skinny arms. I did

02:16:53.489 --> 02:16:57.690
live with one or two members of Alameda for a

02:16:57.690 --> 02:17:02.250
little while. And I'll also say that as I was

02:17:02.250 --> 02:17:05.729
earlier this summer looking at the relationship.

02:17:06.840 --> 02:17:11.559
What a dweeb. Well, I think he's really autistic.

02:17:11.920 --> 02:17:18.739
Ah. I can't recognize my own. You're like a betta

02:17:18.739 --> 02:17:24.340
fish. Fuck this guy. Swiping at him like a cat.

02:17:39.650 --> 02:17:42.389
I'm just studying his mannerisms. Yeah, he's

02:17:42.389 --> 02:17:43.729
tweaking out like Hitler at those fucking games.

02:17:43.729 --> 02:17:47.270
100 % tweaking out. Yes. That's a lot of pressure.

02:17:47.510 --> 02:17:51.409
Very under pressure. Also, he's tweaking from

02:17:51.409 --> 02:17:54.489
that for sure. Imagine billions of dollars are

02:17:54.489 --> 02:17:57.860
missing. Gone, yeah. That's live, dude. Billions

02:17:57.860 --> 02:18:02.579
of dollars. And they've got all these tweets

02:18:02.579 --> 02:18:05.180
and shit, different things that they've said,

02:18:05.219 --> 02:18:07.500
and different statements that he's said about

02:18:07.500 --> 02:18:10.200
his company that just seem to be untrue. Live

02:18:10.200 --> 02:18:11.780
updates of the stuff he was saying during it,

02:18:11.799 --> 02:18:14.299
too. But the thing that he was just discussing

02:18:14.299 --> 02:18:16.819
there was another company called Alameda, and

02:18:16.819 --> 02:18:21.159
apparently they'd moved $10 billion over to Alameda,

02:18:21.180 --> 02:18:24.770
and they don't know... Like how that was done

02:18:24.770 --> 02:18:26.590
or what it was done, but it was like a company

02:18:26.590 --> 02:18:29.469
that was connected to them. Initially, he lied

02:18:29.469 --> 02:18:31.309
about it and said he didn't work with those people,

02:18:31.409 --> 02:18:34.930
and they were all banging each other. Whoa. It

02:18:34.930 --> 02:18:37.290
always comes back to that. I don't know, though.

02:18:37.389 --> 02:18:38.750
They were fucking that guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:18:38.750 --> 02:18:40.350
You guys should take all this money so that it'll

02:18:40.350 --> 02:18:42.370
be cool. Yeah, he needed it. Hey, that was last

02:18:42.370 --> 02:18:44.790
week. They were fucking that guy? No, he's gone.

02:18:44.989 --> 02:18:48.030
Yeah, he lived in a house with like 10 people.

02:18:48.069 --> 02:18:49.469
They were all banging each other. Influencer

02:18:49.469 --> 02:18:51.770
house for Bitcoin? Every time. For real. And

02:18:51.770 --> 02:18:54.780
they were all doing - This lady who was one of

02:18:54.780 --> 02:18:57.379
them was on, she wrote on Twitter. This was like

02:18:57.379 --> 02:18:59.579
one of the top people at his company. Wrote on

02:18:59.579 --> 02:19:01.780
Twitter that after you, what was the exact quote?

02:19:01.860 --> 02:19:04.579
We talked about it yesterday. Find her exact,

02:19:04.700 --> 02:19:05.920
I don't want to paraphrase because I'm high.

02:19:06.540 --> 02:19:08.319
You know you're on shrooms when the screen is

02:19:08.319 --> 02:19:11.899
all flunky. I feel like I watch things and they're

02:19:11.899 --> 02:19:15.860
not even there. I know. I can just picture things

02:19:15.860 --> 02:19:17.040
happening on that screen. So he's going to fry.

02:19:17.340 --> 02:19:20.260
He's going down. It looks like fried is fucked.

02:19:20.899 --> 02:19:23.959
Damn. Yeah. It looks like he's fucked. That wasn't

02:19:23.959 --> 02:19:26.579
great. No. I didn't understand one word. I don't

02:19:26.579 --> 02:19:28.860
remember one word. Freed rather is fucked. Nothing

02:19:28.860 --> 02:19:31.520
like regular amphetamine used to make you appreciate

02:19:31.520 --> 02:19:34.180
how dumb a lot of normal non -medicated human

02:19:34.180 --> 02:19:37.239
experience is. This is in April of 2021. And

02:19:37.239 --> 02:19:38.899
this is like - I thought that's a reaction to

02:19:38.899 --> 02:19:40.879
what we just saw. She was one of the top dogs

02:19:40.879 --> 02:19:43.829
over there. She was one of the top people over

02:19:43.829 --> 02:19:45.170
there, and they were all banging each other.

02:19:45.350 --> 02:19:49.110
Every time. On speed, banging each other, making

02:19:49.110 --> 02:19:49.889
billions of fake money. What did they do? Figure

02:19:49.889 --> 02:19:51.610
out a way to take the money away from the people?

02:19:51.690 --> 02:19:55.309
I don't know what happened, man. Whoa! It was

02:19:55.309 --> 02:19:57.889
at Wilt Chamberlain's. They lived in a $40 million

02:19:57.889 --> 02:20:00.930
penthouse, and now it's listed for sale. All

02:20:00.930 --> 02:20:03.790
those dorks were fucking in this corner. Those

02:20:03.790 --> 02:20:07.389
dorks were on that fucking in there. Bro, they

02:20:07.389 --> 02:20:09.270
thought they were in a movie. They thought they

02:20:09.270 --> 02:20:11.670
were in a movie. We should have all the money.

02:20:12.090 --> 02:20:14.129
They're banging. Good for them. Yeah, but they

02:20:14.129 --> 02:20:16.010
know how those movies end. They're pushing half

02:20:16.010 --> 02:20:17.590
-slaughtered dicks into each other. There's a

02:20:17.590 --> 02:20:23.430
dog in here. What does it smell like? Part of

02:20:23.430 --> 02:20:25.709
me is rooting for them. Part of me is like, I

02:20:25.709 --> 02:20:27.790
wish they weren't stealing money. I wish it wasn't

02:20:27.790 --> 02:20:30.909
a Ponzi scheme. Yeah, man. I wish, because if

02:20:30.909 --> 02:20:35.489
it wasn't a Ponzi scheme. Easy. It's funny how

02:20:35.489 --> 02:20:36.989
that guy. If it wasn't a Ponzi scheme, it would

02:20:36.989 --> 02:20:38.870
be nice to be off. It would be amazing to see

02:20:38.870 --> 02:20:41.409
that they succeed and they go over there and

02:20:41.409 --> 02:20:43.030
they start making all this money. He wouldn't

02:20:43.030 --> 02:20:44.389
succeed. They're falling out of control. If it

02:20:44.389 --> 02:20:47.170
wasn't a Ponzi, he wouldn't succeed. Right. It's

02:20:47.170 --> 02:20:49.250
the chicken or the egg. But that guy either goes

02:20:49.250 --> 02:20:53.950
school shooter or crypto. No, it's not. I'm going

02:20:53.950 --> 02:20:55.290
to take these. We're going to get closer together.

02:20:55.290 --> 02:20:57.209
I'm going to get on a flight. There's something

02:20:57.209 --> 02:21:00.930
about those crypto people. It's like there's

02:21:00.930 --> 02:21:03.010
something about people that are just venturing

02:21:03.010 --> 02:21:05.729
out into the world of like a new thing that you're

02:21:05.729 --> 02:21:07.649
just like, are you sure? Where are you going?

02:21:07.829 --> 02:21:09.250
Well, that's why it's fortune favors the bold.

02:21:09.250 --> 02:21:11.569
They're like the Wright brothers. Yeah, but I

02:21:11.569 --> 02:21:13.010
don't mean just people investing in them. I mean

02:21:13.010 --> 02:21:15.649
the people that are like the top executives and

02:21:15.649 --> 02:21:18.350
they're involved in this. It's like what a weird

02:21:18.350 --> 02:21:21.469
fucking world you're navigating. Yeah. So when

02:21:21.469 --> 02:21:26.549
you dosed Bert, how much you give him? I gave

02:21:26.549 --> 02:21:28.590
him about a third. Oh, actual amount? I gave

02:21:28.590 --> 02:21:32.049
him about a half of what I would do. And then

02:21:32.049 --> 02:21:35.030
I did the other half and mine. So I forgot now.

02:21:35.049 --> 02:21:36.450
I saw him that night. He was having a blast.

02:21:36.690 --> 02:21:40.079
He was having a blast. Yeah, obviously. Your

02:21:40.079 --> 02:21:42.760
dog just tried to eat something off the table.

02:21:42.860 --> 02:21:45.440
No, it was treats. Easy. Joe, my dog's cool.

02:21:45.540 --> 02:21:46.680
Don't mix up the treats and the treats. I'm not

02:21:46.680 --> 02:21:48.440
worried about your dog being cool. Your dog's

02:21:48.440 --> 02:21:50.379
very cool. I just don't want your dog to accidentally

02:21:50.379 --> 02:21:52.500
get fucked up. Joe just doesn't trust you. He's

02:21:52.500 --> 02:21:55.239
like, no way I can train this dog right. She's

02:21:55.239 --> 02:21:57.399
so sweet. Even the dog's really yawning. Look

02:21:57.399 --> 02:21:59.319
at that face. Oh, I have a big announcement to

02:21:59.319 --> 02:22:02.500
make. What's the announcement? Skank Fest is

02:22:02.500 --> 02:22:05.610
the last weekend of September. What? Next year?

02:22:06.850 --> 02:22:09.450
That's a big announcement. No one's going to

02:22:09.450 --> 02:22:12.090
remember that, bro. We'll do three or four Protect

02:22:12.090 --> 02:22:14.729
Our Parks between now and then. That's a long

02:22:14.729 --> 02:22:18.170
time. Wait, here's a question. Who will die first

02:22:18.170 --> 02:22:20.409
out of all of us? That's a good question. You

02:22:20.409 --> 02:22:24.870
put that dog on drugs. Excuse me. You put that

02:22:24.870 --> 02:22:27.850
dog on antidepressants. Who dies before? Well,

02:22:27.850 --> 02:22:29.469
you're going to be in Guatemala fighting the

02:22:29.469 --> 02:22:31.670
pirates or who knows what. If I die, it'll be

02:22:31.670 --> 02:22:34.260
weird. It'd be in a weird circumstances. He'd

02:22:34.260 --> 02:22:36.500
get killed by an octopus. Yeah. You can even

02:22:36.500 --> 02:22:39.399
China. Who knows? Who dies first in all of us?

02:22:39.399 --> 02:22:41.120
That's a good question. One of us statistically,

02:22:41.139 --> 02:22:43.280
maybe J -Mo, but statistically one of us will

02:22:43.280 --> 02:22:46.020
die. J -Mo's pretty good. Yeah, you're safe.

02:22:46.079 --> 02:22:47.520
You're behind a desk. I feel like it'd be me

02:22:47.520 --> 02:22:50.559
or Shane probably. You think? Die first, yeah.

02:22:50.860 --> 02:22:53.100
Yeah, we're taking chances. All right. Living

02:22:53.100 --> 02:22:55.879
life. We're out there. Not doing much. Just doing

02:22:55.879 --> 02:22:58.680
drugs. Not doing much else. Out there hustling.

02:22:58.760 --> 02:23:03.379
Life is for living. Keeping it real. That's the

02:23:03.379 --> 02:23:04.719
problem. I mean, think about how many comics

02:23:04.719 --> 02:23:07.840
since we've started have died. A lot. Patrice,

02:23:08.079 --> 02:23:11.479
Ralphie May, fucking fentanyl folk. It happens.

02:23:12.979 --> 02:23:17.680
Oh, boy. Suicide. Suicide. It's rough. Yeah,

02:23:17.680 --> 02:23:19.260
Geraldo. What the fuck are we doing again? What

02:23:19.260 --> 02:23:20.540
are we doing? Can we go back to this? Keep it

02:23:20.540 --> 02:23:25.559
happy. All right. We can keep it happy. It's

02:23:25.559 --> 02:23:31.059
just, you know. Who's the charger? Get us another

02:23:31.059 --> 02:23:34.479
copy. All right, all right. Here we go. We're

02:23:34.479 --> 02:23:37.420
going to be okay. We're going to be okay. It's

02:23:37.420 --> 02:23:39.680
just that you don't appreciate, you don't want

02:23:39.680 --> 02:23:41.840
to live forever. You see Alyssa Milano and Musk

02:23:41.840 --> 02:23:44.700
fighting? That was fun. It's adorable. Yeah,

02:23:44.780 --> 02:23:47.940
she bought a Volkswagen. Yeah, because she said

02:23:47.940 --> 02:23:50.180
there's too many Nazis on Twitter. It's so funny

02:23:50.180 --> 02:23:51.979
that they're like, oh, yeah, we don't care about

02:23:51.979 --> 02:23:52.959
recycling anymore. I bought a car created by

02:23:52.959 --> 02:23:56.799
Nazis. Balenciaga was Nazi, too. Was he? Was

02:23:56.799 --> 02:23:59.040
it? Yeah, that was a Nazi company. Oh, my God.

02:23:59.040 --> 02:24:01.559
So was Adidas. Maybe that's the one I'm thinking.

02:24:01.620 --> 02:24:03.579
Adidas was a Nazi company. There you go. Yeah,

02:24:03.639 --> 02:24:05.520
Adidas. That was the craziest thing about them

02:24:05.520 --> 02:24:07.020
dropping Kanye. Was it like Hugo Boss? Yeah.

02:24:07.180 --> 02:24:10.420
Hugo Boss for sure. IBM. I got fired from the

02:24:10.420 --> 02:24:12.659
IBM spot because of a tweet once, but that was

02:24:12.659 --> 02:24:15.520
like, you made systems to process juice faster.

02:24:15.819 --> 02:24:19.360
Yeah. Didn't Audi make one of the very first

02:24:19.360 --> 02:24:22.399
race cars for Hitler? What? Wasn't there a race

02:24:22.399 --> 02:24:24.100
car for Hitler that was made by Audi? Get away.

02:24:24.260 --> 02:24:25.959
Trying to do a speed train. It's a dope looking

02:24:25.959 --> 02:24:27.979
car, too. Pull it up. It's not the fucking...

02:24:28.329 --> 02:24:30.809
engineers' fault that they were stuck in Nazi

02:24:30.809 --> 02:24:33.670
Germany. But those guys were bad motherfuckers.

02:24:33.670 --> 02:24:36.909
They made this dope -ass car that was supposed

02:24:36.909 --> 02:24:42.229
to win the war or win races for the Nazi party.

02:24:42.489 --> 02:24:44.229
Well, he hated that Jesse Owens, I'll tell you

02:24:44.229 --> 02:24:47.010
that. He really did hate Jesse Owens. That's

02:24:47.010 --> 02:24:49.569
the Mercedes, but he had a race car. Oh, that's

02:24:49.569 --> 02:24:53.629
sexy. Why don't you just Google... I Googled

02:24:53.629 --> 02:24:55.989
BMW and then I clicked on the wrong one as well.

02:24:56.149 --> 02:24:58.649
That's not a race car. No, but it's Audi. Did

02:24:58.649 --> 02:25:01.430
you try Audi? Oh, you didn't hear me. Okay. Guys.

02:25:01.709 --> 02:25:05.110
Audi. That's it. That's it. That's it. The second

02:25:05.110 --> 02:25:07.510
one there? Right there. That's the car. Oh, that's

02:25:07.510 --> 02:25:08.569
cool. It looks like a dick. So look at it have

02:25:08.569 --> 02:25:10.790
the Audi symbol in the front. Oh, yeah. That's

02:25:10.790 --> 02:25:12.790
a dope little car, man. Look at that thing. That's

02:25:12.790 --> 02:25:14.770
a cool car. That would win a war. Pulling up

02:25:14.770 --> 02:25:16.690
to the comedy club in there? To Brett Favre.

02:25:16.850 --> 02:25:19.069
That's the craziest thing about the German engineers.

02:25:20.229 --> 02:25:22.670
That's amazing, but you've got four front fives.

02:25:22.700 --> 02:25:25.909
Don't sell yourself short. The thing about the

02:25:25.909 --> 02:25:27.670
engineering back then, do you know how much better

02:25:27.670 --> 02:25:29.610
that was than anything America was making? Oh,

02:25:29.629 --> 02:25:31.329
yeah. Look at this, though. This has the Mercedes

02:25:31.329 --> 02:25:34.110
symbol on it. Yeah. That one has the Audi symbol

02:25:34.110 --> 02:25:36.370
on it. Yeah, I think they were connected somehow

02:25:36.370 --> 02:25:37.770
or another. It's almost like there's a conspiracy

02:25:37.770 --> 02:25:42.190
to try to bring them down. I think it's a race

02:25:42.190 --> 02:25:45.409
car enthusiast. Yeah, I forget what the connection

02:25:45.409 --> 02:25:47.209
is. I forget what that was, but I do remember

02:25:47.209 --> 02:25:49.309
the Audi symbol on the front. It's the same car,

02:25:49.370 --> 02:25:51.049
yeah. You know what's amazing? Your dog likes

02:25:51.049 --> 02:25:52.850
me, dude. He does like you. It's a good dog.

02:25:53.559 --> 02:25:55.979
You know what's amazing is how many people came

02:25:55.979 --> 02:25:58.639
out of that Nazi party that were fucking incredible

02:25:58.639 --> 02:26:00.719
engineers to the point where the United States

02:26:00.719 --> 02:26:02.780
adopted a bunch of them, the Soviets took a bunch

02:26:02.780 --> 02:26:05.180
of them. They took all these scientists. Well,

02:26:05.219 --> 02:26:07.799
a lot of them moved to South America. Yeah, Argentina.

02:26:08.139 --> 02:26:10.299
That's why they're very white down there. Yeah.

02:26:10.579 --> 02:26:13.659
Because of the German jizz. Well, there's towns

02:26:13.659 --> 02:26:16.420
down there that are like fully German towns.

02:26:16.659 --> 02:26:18.540
Oh, is that right? Yeah, they have Oktoberfest.

02:26:18.540 --> 02:26:21.209
Oh, yeah, they went there in droves. Yeah. That's

02:26:21.209 --> 02:26:23.290
fun. Tim Kennedy did that show called Finding

02:26:23.290 --> 02:26:29.270
Hitler. Finding Hitler shows. It was what the

02:26:29.270 --> 02:26:33.110
rumor was. The conspiracy theory was that Hitler

02:26:33.110 --> 02:26:35.629
had escaped and Hitler had made it to South America.

02:26:36.030 --> 02:26:40.350
And that sounds ridiculous. But for sure, Nazis

02:26:40.350 --> 02:26:43.569
made it to South America. For fucking sure. So

02:26:43.569 --> 02:26:45.569
that was where the rumor came from? I could see

02:26:45.569 --> 02:26:47.409
it. I don't know. No, they found it. Did they?

02:26:47.510 --> 02:26:48.829
Yeah, he killed it. He shot himself in the head.

02:26:49.010 --> 02:26:50.389
They didn't find his body, though. What? They

02:26:50.389 --> 02:26:51.969
didn't find his body. They burnt it. He had his

02:26:51.969 --> 02:26:56.870
guys burn it. He ate cyanide, shot himself, and

02:26:56.870 --> 02:26:58.989
then they burned the body. Jesus Christ. So no

02:26:58.989 --> 02:27:00.889
one could claim victory? Whoa. Because he knew

02:27:00.889 --> 02:27:03.629
we'd be on the Joe Rogan experience going, where

02:27:03.629 --> 02:27:06.850
the fuck did that guy go? Where's his body? Where

02:27:06.850 --> 02:27:10.569
the fuck is he, dude? What's in the bag? What's

02:27:10.569 --> 02:27:14.190
in the box? Yeah, you've got to think about how

02:27:14.190 --> 02:27:18.670
many fucking insanely brilliant engineers and

02:27:18.670 --> 02:27:21.850
rocket scientists came out of that horrible regime.

02:27:22.489 --> 02:27:24.889
Hitler and Eva Braun's remains were burnt in

02:27:24.889 --> 02:27:27.750
a shell crater outside the emergency exit at

02:27:27.750 --> 02:27:31.750
the left. Who said it? Seems suspicious. I think

02:27:31.750 --> 02:27:34.350
Argentina is a better solution. What do you mean?

02:27:34.469 --> 02:27:36.909
Oh, going to Argentina. Hitler goes to Argentina.

02:27:37.309 --> 02:27:39.069
Let me just throw this out. Instead of shooting

02:27:39.069 --> 02:27:42.110
ourselves. Argentina. Imagine they all just live

02:27:42.110 --> 02:27:43.489
in this town together and they go like this.

02:27:43.649 --> 02:27:50.149
Phew. What the fuck just happened? What the fuck

02:27:50.149 --> 02:27:52.629
was going on? We lost our minds back there. We

02:27:52.629 --> 02:27:54.350
gotta just accept everybody for who they are.

02:27:54.409 --> 02:27:57.850
Agreed. Agreed. We went too far. They had a good

02:27:57.850 --> 02:28:01.170
run. Agreed. I guess they just settled down and

02:28:01.170 --> 02:28:04.250
now they just live there. Yeah. They're retired.

02:28:04.569 --> 02:28:07.110
Like there's pictures on people's walls of like

02:28:07.110 --> 02:28:09.750
SS soldiers. Why do we talk about Hitler more

02:28:09.750 --> 02:28:12.690
than Mao? Mao killed more people. Yeah. I don't

02:28:12.690 --> 02:28:14.770
know enough about that. Stop Asian hate. Yeah,

02:28:14.770 --> 02:28:18.590
I don't know enough about Mao. Ah. Mao Ying.

02:28:19.229 --> 02:28:21.209
But it's also, it's like, what do you have the

02:28:21.209 --> 02:28:23.809
most video footage of? That's what does the big

02:28:23.809 --> 02:28:26.469
impact. That's what it is. We got the footage.

02:28:26.709 --> 02:28:29.209
And Hitler was such a compelling speaker. And

02:28:29.209 --> 02:28:31.610
it was such a scary speaker. With that creepy

02:28:31.610 --> 02:28:33.770
-ass mustache. He ruined that mustache forever.

02:28:34.069 --> 02:28:35.989
Shane would like to rock it, but he can't. I

02:28:35.989 --> 02:28:39.329
want that mustache. If Hitler wasn't a thing

02:28:39.329 --> 02:28:40.590
and you had that mustache, dude. That mustache

02:28:40.590 --> 02:28:42.649
is preposterous. You could own that mustache.

02:28:42.649 --> 02:28:46.659
Even Adolf. It makes your face even fatter. That's

02:28:46.659 --> 02:28:48.860
true. That little tiny thing. That's true. Well,

02:28:48.860 --> 02:28:50.860
it's supposed to be Charlie Chaplin. That's what

02:28:50.860 --> 02:28:53.819
he did after. His favorite comedian. What? Yeah.

02:28:54.479 --> 02:28:56.620
For real. Yeah. Well, Hitler. M .J. brought it

02:28:56.620 --> 02:28:58.840
back. M .J. tried it for a while. If anybody

02:28:58.840 --> 02:29:00.459
could do it, he could do it, and even he couldn't

02:29:00.459 --> 02:29:01.879
do it. Well, he's the best at what he does as

02:29:01.879 --> 02:29:03.360
well as Hitler. He had to let it go. He had to

02:29:03.360 --> 02:29:05.799
let it go. But wait a minute. I'm telling you,

02:29:05.819 --> 02:29:07.700
Chaplin was the reason. That's interesting. No

02:29:07.700 --> 02:29:09.680
way. Really? Pull it up? I heard a thing that

02:29:09.680 --> 02:29:12.239
he liked Napoleon so much. Hitler loved Napoleon.

02:29:12.340 --> 02:29:14.120
He was a great world leader, took over, dominated.

02:29:14.520 --> 02:29:17.920
So Napoleon had this tomb, this whatever. He's

02:29:17.920 --> 02:29:20.159
fine. He's fine. And he would make everybody.

02:29:20.219 --> 02:29:22.299
He built it small. So when you entered Napoleon's

02:29:22.299 --> 02:29:24.579
tomb, you had to lower your head out of respect.

02:29:24.940 --> 02:29:27.680
And Hitler knew that. And he goes in the church

02:29:27.680 --> 02:29:30.860
in Notre Dame. And he goes, build me a series

02:29:30.860 --> 02:29:32.520
of mirrors so I don't have to lower my head.

02:29:32.559 --> 02:29:33.840
I still want to see this fucking tomb. I'm not

02:29:33.840 --> 02:29:35.729
lowering my head to this motherfucker. Whoa.

02:29:36.069 --> 02:29:38.190
And he was able to see his body standing straight

02:29:38.190 --> 02:29:44.030
up. Damn. Jesus. What a fucking dumbass. That's

02:29:44.030 --> 02:29:46.729
why he lost the war. What a jerk. He was so gay.

02:29:47.690 --> 02:29:51.909
You know what I mean. A Phil Bavarian mustache,

02:29:52.049 --> 02:29:54.290
the kind of extravagant chops you can hang a

02:29:54.290 --> 02:29:56.850
hat on. However, his superiors in the Bavarian

02:29:56.850 --> 02:29:59.329
infantry division ordered him to clip his mustache

02:29:59.329 --> 02:30:02.950
down so his gas mask would fit over his mouth

02:30:02.950 --> 02:30:05.930
properly. So that's why he had a mustache like

02:30:05.930 --> 02:30:09.370
that. Damn it. Oh, my God. So that mustache was

02:30:09.370 --> 02:30:13.270
to make a gas mask fit right. Yo, did you watch

02:30:13.270 --> 02:30:15.950
All Quiet on the Western Front? No. No. How is

02:30:15.950 --> 02:30:16.850
it? I don't want to get depressed. You want to

02:30:16.850 --> 02:30:19.770
talk about a true bummer? That was a bummer.

02:30:19.989 --> 02:30:23.090
What do you mean? Fucking World War I was a bummer.

02:30:23.190 --> 02:30:25.350
Oh, yeah. Well, it doesn't get talked about because

02:30:25.350 --> 02:30:27.090
of the sequel. It was a true bummer. Oh, my God.

02:30:27.170 --> 02:30:28.950
It's like Terminator. Yeah, that's why the sequel

02:30:28.950 --> 02:30:31.549
happened. That's why he was out there. Old Adolf

02:30:31.549 --> 02:30:33.270
was out there saying, what the fuck? Why did

02:30:33.270 --> 02:30:35.909
we do this? Because it was the worst, most pointless

02:30:35.909 --> 02:30:39.010
war. Really? I mean, the worst was what they

02:30:39.010 --> 02:30:42.090
did. Two. Part two on the Eastern Front was the

02:30:42.090 --> 02:30:46.409
worst of all time. Why was... Oh, hold on. It's

02:30:46.409 --> 02:30:49.690
bad, dude. What was the point? Was it Franz Ferdinand?

02:30:49.809 --> 02:30:53.770
Was that it? Yeah. I mean, there's no reason.

02:30:53.889 --> 02:30:55.629
There was no reason. Come on. There's got to

02:30:55.629 --> 02:30:58.489
be a reason. They got talked into it? They didn't

02:30:58.489 --> 02:31:01.629
know, I guess. What did they think the reason

02:31:01.629 --> 02:31:06.690
was? Allegedly, it was Franz Ferdinand got shot.

02:31:06.889 --> 02:31:10.569
Yeah. And then Germany was like, all right, we

02:31:10.569 --> 02:31:12.969
support you. Well, it was an Austrian. He was

02:31:12.969 --> 02:31:17.100
Austrian versus, what, Serbia? It was in Serbia?

02:31:17.399 --> 02:31:19.479
I don't know. Fuck it. I don't want to do this.

02:31:19.500 --> 02:31:21.899
You're the history guy. You can't do history

02:31:21.899 --> 02:31:24.040
on mushrooms. Everybody jumped in on everybody's

02:31:24.040 --> 02:31:27.280
sides. History on mushrooms. But Jeremy was the

02:31:27.280 --> 02:31:31.040
first to be like escalating it. Yeah. You can't

02:31:31.040 --> 02:31:32.719
shoot him. We'll step in. And then someone was

02:31:32.719 --> 02:31:34.340
like, no, if you step in, then we got to step

02:31:34.340 --> 02:31:36.059
in. Then we all got to step in. Then they all

02:31:36.059 --> 02:31:38.879
stepped in. What's really crazy is that kind

02:31:38.879 --> 02:31:42.440
of warfare is not that far and long ago. Yeah.

02:31:42.979 --> 02:31:45.280
No, no. Not that long ago at all, man. That's

02:31:45.280 --> 02:31:48.000
how they used to march towards each other with

02:31:48.000 --> 02:31:49.579
guns. That was one, though, right? That was one,

02:31:49.680 --> 02:31:52.200
yeah. But two, eight years ago. But at least

02:31:52.200 --> 02:31:54.239
the Revolutionary War, you know why it started.

02:31:54.959 --> 02:31:57.520
But you know why they're doing it, because it's

02:31:57.520 --> 02:31:59.420
slavery, right? Do you know what Kurt Metzger

02:31:59.420 --> 02:32:02.659
said to me last night that was intense? Metzger

02:32:02.659 --> 02:32:05.659
goes, he goes, don't you fucking notice in video

02:32:05.659 --> 02:32:07.600
games, the number one video game is a World War

02:32:07.600 --> 02:32:10.180
II game? He goes, because it's the last one people

02:32:10.180 --> 02:32:12.829
feel good about winning. World War II. You can

02:32:12.829 --> 02:32:15.290
go back to World War II. We were the good guys.

02:32:15.489 --> 02:32:18.129
So that's the reason why you don't have modern

02:32:18.129 --> 02:32:21.229
weapons. You can't move quicker. Yeah, there's

02:32:21.229 --> 02:32:24.209
no Ukraine and Russia. Everybody likes to duke

02:32:24.209 --> 02:32:27.010
it out like they're in the 40s. Real now warfare.

02:32:27.799 --> 02:32:30.579
blowing up holes in windows and going, sorry,

02:32:30.680 --> 02:32:33.280
keep your fucking dinner. We'll move on. Now

02:32:33.280 --> 02:32:35.719
it's drones. You're like some regular person

02:32:35.719 --> 02:32:38.479
and you get online and you play one of those

02:32:38.479 --> 02:32:41.459
games against these psychos that are on all day

02:32:41.459 --> 02:32:46.020
long. All day long. There's people that are playing

02:32:46.020 --> 02:32:52.180
those games all day long. Modern Warfare. I try

02:32:52.180 --> 02:32:55.819
to play them all the time. You poke your head

02:32:55.819 --> 02:32:58.909
up, it's gone. Pink mist every time. Motherfucker.

02:32:58.930 --> 02:33:01.989
What? These are strong. What are you guys talking

02:33:01.989 --> 02:33:04.350
about? These are strong. The mushrooms. Yeah,

02:33:04.370 --> 02:33:08.270
they're strong as fuck. I know. Goddamn. Video

02:33:08.270 --> 02:33:12.610
games are dangerous. They could take your life.

02:33:13.489 --> 02:33:15.370
Absorb your life into a video game. You're going

02:33:15.370 --> 02:33:17.569
to have so much fun, you're not even going to

02:33:17.569 --> 02:33:19.979
feel bad about it. but then you look back you

02:33:19.979 --> 02:33:22.340
go like how many hours was that oh yeah in that

02:33:22.340 --> 02:33:24.719
room the last uh call of duty war zone was built

02:33:24.719 --> 02:33:28.020
on ukraine in a war zone and like it was way

02:33:28.020 --> 02:33:30.760
too close to reality there's real life places

02:33:30.760 --> 02:33:32.700
that were really there in a city called like

02:33:32.700 --> 02:33:35.079
don't yes don't don't yes it's the monkey on

02:33:35.079 --> 02:33:38.260
the left huh monkey the monkey in the shot oh

02:33:38.260 --> 02:33:41.200
oh jesus christ stadium they have like different

02:33:41.200 --> 02:33:46.079
banks and whatnot That's insane. And it's like,

02:33:46.120 --> 02:33:49.059
it came out right when the pandemic started.

02:33:49.840 --> 02:33:52.200
And then two years later, there's an actual war

02:33:52.200 --> 02:33:58.030
going on. Are these real maps of the area? It's

02:33:58.030 --> 02:34:00.329
not a one -to -one recreation, but it's very

02:34:00.329 --> 02:34:02.790
close. These places exist. People have found

02:34:02.790 --> 02:34:05.590
them on Google Maps. See, we make fun of these

02:34:05.590 --> 02:34:07.610
gamers. We're going to need them. Well, I'm making

02:34:07.610 --> 02:34:10.290
fun of them, but they do say that it does improve

02:34:10.290 --> 02:34:13.450
your brain function. Oh, yeah. We wanted to say,

02:34:13.569 --> 02:34:15.790
oh, you have to play chess in order to make your

02:34:15.790 --> 02:34:18.950
brain function better. No, it's kind of any games.

02:34:19.190 --> 02:34:22.940
I think it's any games. Puzzles. Resolving things.

02:34:23.200 --> 02:34:26.000
You know? Chest pains. All right. But yeah, no,

02:34:26.079 --> 02:34:28.659
they're good for depression as well. Really?

02:34:28.719 --> 02:34:30.639
Games are? Video games are? Yeah. They don't

02:34:30.639 --> 02:34:32.790
cause depression in me. Oh, really? Yeah, I'm

02:34:32.790 --> 02:34:33.870
like, what am I doing with my life? Just all

02:34:33.870 --> 02:34:37.129
day. Well, Candy Crush. Yeah, yeah. Sometimes

02:34:37.129 --> 02:34:38.909
you get done with them, and you're like, what

02:34:38.909 --> 02:34:41.430
happened? I know. Where did the day go? People

02:34:41.430 --> 02:34:42.610
get addicted to the fucking cell phone. Cell

02:34:42.610 --> 02:34:44.370
phone games. I was hooked. It's so funny to get

02:34:44.370 --> 02:34:46.309
addicted to cell phone games. I got rid of Angry

02:34:46.309 --> 02:34:49.049
Birds. To like Zuma and Angry Birds. Yeah. Playing

02:34:49.049 --> 02:34:50.370
Angry Birds at home is so fucking funny. What's

02:34:50.370 --> 02:34:53.889
that subway surfer one? I know. It's sad. Subway

02:34:53.889 --> 02:34:55.569
surfer dude. What's a subway surfer? Oh, yeah.

02:34:55.569 --> 02:34:57.489
Same shit. I got the ratings. Were you jumping?

02:34:57.549 --> 02:34:59.290
Yeah, you're always jumping over stuff. It's

02:34:59.290 --> 02:35:01.940
so addictive. I know. You can't help yourself.

02:35:02.239 --> 02:35:04.959
Yeah, you could be reading, but they're fun.

02:35:05.280 --> 02:35:08.899
Yeah, you could be learning shit, but would you

02:35:08.899 --> 02:35:10.680
be enjoying yourself as much? That's the problem.

02:35:10.739 --> 02:35:12.540
They give you something, but we just want to

02:35:12.540 --> 02:35:15.139
discount the enjoyment that they give you. We

02:35:15.139 --> 02:35:17.159
love all kinds of enjoyment, but if you get enjoyment

02:35:17.159 --> 02:35:19.700
from a screen, what are you doing? Wasting your

02:35:19.700 --> 02:35:21.959
life getting enjoyment? That's true. Just doing

02:35:21.959 --> 02:35:24.579
that. Yeah. Like, if you just sit and meditate,

02:35:24.739 --> 02:35:26.780
everybody's cool with it. Oh, good job. Oh, yeah.

02:35:27.120 --> 02:35:31.440
That's true. You sit in the same spot. You sit

02:35:31.440 --> 02:35:33.540
in the same spot. Like, one way, you're watching

02:35:33.540 --> 02:35:35.600
something, and the other way, you're like, oh.

02:35:36.920 --> 02:35:38.500
And we're like, that guy's good. Yeah, we've

02:35:38.500 --> 02:35:40.299
decided that that's better. Isn't that weird?

02:35:40.700 --> 02:35:42.299
It's interesting. Same with a book. You hold

02:35:42.299 --> 02:35:43.680
a book open, but you're like, that's a smart

02:35:43.680 --> 02:35:46.219
guy getting shit done. But you could be reading

02:35:46.219 --> 02:35:49.100
a Kindle, and I go, ah, he's on a screen. Because

02:35:49.100 --> 02:35:51.079
I think meditating is good for you. Don't get

02:35:51.079 --> 02:35:53.180
me wrong. But if you're meditating, there's a

02:35:53.180 --> 02:35:55.500
part of you that's like, I am just going to just

02:35:55.500 --> 02:36:01.899
settle down and relax. Oh, that was good. Just

02:36:01.899 --> 02:36:05.020
going to find my center and then approach life

02:36:05.020 --> 02:36:07.840
from here. Wait, what about this? This might

02:36:07.840 --> 02:36:10.579
be the shrooms talking. But what if we have real

02:36:10.579 --> 02:36:12.540
problems in America? What if we made them into

02:36:12.540 --> 02:36:15.260
video games and let kids solve them? And then

02:36:15.260 --> 02:36:19.000
we'd solve problems. All right. Well, I'm just

02:36:19.000 --> 02:36:20.440
saying, you know, you got... Can you imagine

02:36:20.440 --> 02:36:22.479
if that's how world events... That's a movie,

02:36:22.600 --> 02:36:24.860
and that's two movies. That's Project X with

02:36:24.860 --> 02:36:27.280
Matthew Broderick and Ender's Game. Thank God

02:36:27.280 --> 02:36:28.879
you're here. These guys are about to discount

02:36:28.879 --> 02:36:31.219
that. Jesus Christ. And now it's a movie. Well,

02:36:31.260 --> 02:36:33.219
he wasn't going to. Jamie pulls out references.

02:36:33.420 --> 02:36:36.000
Thank you, JMO. He pulled out Ender's Game. They

02:36:36.000 --> 02:36:37.659
make a kid think he's playing a game, but he's

02:36:37.659 --> 02:36:39.280
actually, like, controlling the whole fucking

02:36:39.280 --> 02:36:41.139
arm. You see? He's SimCity. I wasn't making fun

02:36:41.139 --> 02:36:42.799
of you. All right, well, the whole thing just...

02:36:43.280 --> 02:36:46.299
Shut down after that. If they just keep making

02:36:46.299 --> 02:36:49.200
drones and our drones fight each other. That's

02:36:49.200 --> 02:36:50.579
going to happen. Yeah. Drone fight drones. How

02:36:50.579 --> 02:36:52.780
long before we have like proxy wars with machines

02:36:52.780 --> 02:36:57.909
going after each other? Mistake. I mean, we have

02:36:57.909 --> 02:37:00.930
a mistake. Sit in this whole fucking show. I

02:37:00.930 --> 02:37:02.389
don't know, but we're trying to do a show here

02:37:02.389 --> 02:37:05.610
with entertainment. You just got here? God damn

02:37:05.610 --> 02:37:08.129
it. You just got there? Yeah, your face is this

02:37:08.129 --> 02:37:11.989
fucking big. Jesus Christ. I thought you were

02:37:11.989 --> 02:37:14.709
Buddha. You look like one of those Eastern Island

02:37:14.709 --> 02:37:20.389
cuts. You know what I'm talking about? You're

02:37:20.389 --> 02:37:27.540
freaking me out. Temple of Doom. Shit. It'd be

02:37:27.540 --> 02:37:31.860
so funny if we just, tomorrow, delete it. I still

02:37:31.860 --> 02:37:35.260
can't believe this pile of notes. It could happen.

02:37:36.040 --> 02:37:38.159
I still can't believe your pile of notes, man.

02:37:38.260 --> 02:37:40.040
And you insist on keeping them in your pocket.

02:37:40.319 --> 02:37:41.840
Oh, yeah, I got some new stuff on here. You're

02:37:41.840 --> 02:37:44.899
going to get a bad back, man. Are you telling

02:37:44.899 --> 02:37:47.260
me about the sciatica? Strong as an ox. I used

02:37:47.260 --> 02:37:48.719
to keep my wallet back there. I had a guy when

02:37:48.719 --> 02:37:50.280
I was playing poker. He's like, hey, I used to

02:37:50.280 --> 02:37:52.879
do that. It'll give you sciatica. And I was like,

02:37:52.920 --> 02:37:54.700
all right. He goes, no, I have terrible back

02:37:54.700 --> 02:37:56.159
pain all the time. You should take it out right

02:37:56.159 --> 02:37:59.440
now. Really? Yeah, if you have like an imbalance,

02:37:59.760 --> 02:38:01.979
like a big fat wallet on one side and you sit

02:38:01.979 --> 02:38:03.540
on it, you're going to get a fucked up back.

02:38:04.119 --> 02:38:06.180
Really? Yeah, it's a lot of pressure on one side

02:38:06.180 --> 02:38:09.479
of the disc. So your body's hinging. So you're

02:38:09.479 --> 02:38:11.500
constantly hinging, and you're putting this unnatural

02:38:11.500 --> 02:38:14.200
weight on one side of your back because you've

02:38:14.200 --> 02:38:16.459
got a rock under your ass. So you're sitting

02:38:16.459 --> 02:38:18.760
like this. So it puts more pressure on one side.

02:38:19.120 --> 02:38:23.500
It can cause bulging discs. You shouldn't sit

02:38:23.500 --> 02:38:25.239
with anything in your back pocket. Front pocket?

02:38:25.319 --> 02:38:27.479
You have a solution. Just front pocket. I've

02:38:27.479 --> 02:38:31.780
got my keys in there. Oh, my God. See the other

02:38:31.780 --> 02:38:33.760
guy sitting? That's Norman. What the hell? Oh,

02:38:33.760 --> 02:38:35.500
no. With that fat wallet, see how his back's

02:38:35.500 --> 02:38:37.219
all fucked up? That's like your back, right?

02:38:37.540 --> 02:38:39.639
Yeah, that is my back. That's what I'm saying.

02:38:39.860 --> 02:38:43.340
Hold on. Trust me. It's to the source. Oh, I

02:38:43.340 --> 02:38:46.319
shit myself. That was a false alarm. He tried

02:38:46.319 --> 02:38:49.440
to fart. I tried and I squirted. Did you? Yeah,

02:38:49.579 --> 02:39:00.899
can we get the dog in here? Slick that up. This

02:39:00.899 --> 02:39:02.739
is too much. What an uncomfortable platform to

02:39:02.739 --> 02:39:06.639
be very high on. That's perfect. That's perfect.

02:39:07.020 --> 02:39:10.200
Dude, it was so funny seeing on CNN or some dumb

02:39:10.200 --> 02:39:12.719
shit thing, they go, Joe Rogan weighs in on this,

02:39:12.739 --> 02:39:14.600
and it was you and Duncan. And I was like, oh,

02:39:14.719 --> 02:39:17.489
what? They were just human costumes with candles.

02:39:17.489 --> 02:39:19.510
We were dressed like clowns. And they're like

02:39:19.510 --> 02:39:23.549
ignoring that. We were dressed like clowns where

02:39:23.549 --> 02:39:27.309
the show was lit by candles. Every show we do.

02:39:27.590 --> 02:39:29.750
They're literally quoting you on a news cycle.

02:39:29.950 --> 02:39:32.569
Dude, they've quoted me before where I was dressed

02:39:32.569 --> 02:39:36.930
like one of the patriots. The powdered wig and

02:39:36.930 --> 02:39:39.090
all that. Yeah, I had a powdered wig on. I put

02:39:39.090 --> 02:39:41.010
the costume on. And we're talking about freedom

02:39:41.010 --> 02:39:45.149
and liberty. Look at that. Look how classy -eyed

02:39:45.149 --> 02:39:48.290
you are. Oh, my God. It's a comedy show, you

02:39:48.290 --> 02:39:51.909
creeps. We're barbecued. And then look at that

02:39:51.909 --> 02:39:53.610
one. I was dressed like an astronaut. He was

02:39:53.610 --> 02:39:59.690
in a ghillie suit. That's great. He's the best.

02:39:59.809 --> 02:40:02.209
That's great. Smart guy. I do some of the best

02:40:02.209 --> 02:40:05.069
podcasts ever with him. Now, he's so fun. Is

02:40:05.069 --> 02:40:08.069
this your first shroom ep? No, I did shrooms

02:40:08.069 --> 02:40:10.629
with Post Malone. That was probably the first

02:40:10.629 --> 02:40:13.510
one I did. Post Malone rules. Does he? Yeah.

02:40:13.610 --> 02:40:15.770
He definitely rules. Really? I don't know. He

02:40:15.770 --> 02:40:18.030
rules. I'd like to know. He's great. He's a great

02:40:18.030 --> 02:40:20.090
guy, too. His Nirvana thing was great. He's fucking

02:40:20.090 --> 02:40:22.430
great. He's also really fun to hang out with.

02:40:22.649 --> 02:40:25.799
We had a good fucking time. It was a lot of fun.

02:40:25.899 --> 02:40:27.959
We were laughing, and he was talking about kicking

02:40:27.959 --> 02:40:31.000
a wolf's ass. He was like, I wish some bitch

02:40:31.000 --> 02:40:39.719
-ass wolf would try. But he knew. We were just

02:40:39.719 --> 02:40:42.579
talking shit, and we were laughing hard, man.

02:40:42.940 --> 02:40:46.739
He's a funny dude, man. He's a funny dude. That

02:40:46.739 --> 02:40:49.620
dude could be a comic. All right. No bullshit.

02:40:50.059 --> 02:40:52.559
Yeah, he's a funny dude. He tells funny stories.

02:40:52.620 --> 02:40:55.139
I wish a wolf would try. I wish that bitch -ass

02:40:55.139 --> 02:40:57.639
wolf would try. I mean, we're barbecued, and

02:40:57.639 --> 02:40:59.879
we're just talking nonsense. I'm pretty sure

02:40:59.879 --> 02:41:02.399
we were drinking, too. It was a lot. There was

02:41:02.399 --> 02:41:04.200
a lot going on in that episode. But it was really

02:41:04.200 --> 02:41:07.620
fun. But he's just a fucking regular dude who's

02:41:07.620 --> 02:41:10.899
got a wild talent. Everybody's a regular guy.

02:41:11.440 --> 02:41:13.639
Exactly. Every single celeb. They started out

02:41:13.639 --> 02:41:15.959
regular. Yeah, everybody. And when they're not,

02:41:16.040 --> 02:41:18.659
it's just a defensive mechanism. Exactly. I feel

02:41:18.659 --> 02:41:20.120
bad for the face tattoos. How are you going to

02:41:20.120 --> 02:41:24.659
get a job? He'll be up. Kids like the face tattoos

02:41:24.659 --> 02:41:27.280
today. Quiznos. For some reason. They won't hire

02:41:27.280 --> 02:41:30.139
me. Those face tattoos say I don't give a fuck.

02:41:30.559 --> 02:41:32.860
It's a red flag to an HR. I'll scribble on my

02:41:32.860 --> 02:41:35.540
face. Not a bad looking guy, I guess. Great looking

02:41:35.540 --> 02:41:39.319
guy. Good hairline. I like it. Yeah, good hairline.

02:41:39.319 --> 02:41:42.770
You gotta love the hairline. Yeah. Solid. Look

02:41:42.770 --> 02:41:46.170
at those mitts. Your hands are fucking wild,

02:41:46.250 --> 02:41:48.809
dude. Yeah. It looks like those Hulk hands. It

02:41:48.809 --> 02:41:50.649
looks like he's wearing the gloves. Yeah. When

02:41:50.649 --> 02:41:52.870
I was little, it was very weird when I was young.

02:41:53.090 --> 02:41:54.909
Imagine Joe Rogan as a six -year -old with those

02:41:54.909 --> 02:41:57.329
hands. Gangly little body with those big -ass

02:41:57.329 --> 02:42:00.469
hands. Breaking blocks. When I first started

02:42:00.469 --> 02:42:02.190
doing martial arts, I was skinny, really skinny,

02:42:02.309 --> 02:42:04.989
but I had these big -ass hands and feet. It's

02:42:04.989 --> 02:42:08.790
weird. Decent dong. Dongs stay the same. That's

02:42:08.790 --> 02:42:14.319
a rumor going around. Fitzsimmons, too. Big dick?

02:42:14.680 --> 02:42:17.819
Huge hog. I bet he got an angry dick. Oh, Irish

02:42:17.819 --> 02:42:21.920
potato dick. Angry pale dick. Pale. Definitely

02:42:21.920 --> 02:42:23.520
pale. Coming to get you. It can be 19 inches.

02:42:23.600 --> 02:42:29.079
It's pale. Coming to get you. He's Irish, man.

02:42:29.139 --> 02:42:32.180
Like a fucking Northman. Every woman. You're

02:42:32.180 --> 02:42:35.700
about to get impaled. You're ready for this pounding.

02:42:37.360 --> 02:42:40.360
I got a mole on mine. No way. That's a problem.

02:42:41.600 --> 02:42:44.520
Isn't it a trip how different people agree to

02:42:44.520 --> 02:42:46.920
talk in different parts of the world? We just

02:42:46.920 --> 02:42:49.860
talk, hi, give it a pound, and you know it's

02:42:49.860 --> 02:42:51.360
from that part of the world. That's true. If

02:42:51.360 --> 02:42:53.079
you're talking like us, if you're over there,

02:42:53.120 --> 02:42:54.840
if you're in England, and you're doing an impression

02:42:54.840 --> 02:42:56.579
of an American, and you're talking like us, it's

02:42:56.579 --> 02:42:58.600
probably hilarious. It's funny that Boston is

02:42:58.600 --> 02:43:01.159
the transition. That's still a little hang -up

02:43:01.159 --> 02:43:03.280
from English. Do you know sign language is a

02:43:03.280 --> 02:43:05.809
different language in different countries? Oh,

02:43:05.809 --> 02:43:08.909
no. What a drag. What a drag. One chance to get

02:43:08.909 --> 02:43:10.690
it right. They can't communicate with each other.

02:43:10.930 --> 02:43:13.409
You only had one chance to get that right. As

02:43:13.409 --> 02:43:15.270
soon as it gets scattered, it's going to be like

02:43:15.270 --> 02:43:17.270
Bitcoin. It's going to be like all these other

02:43:17.270 --> 02:43:21.229
dog coins. And it's also English. Irish sign

02:43:21.229 --> 02:43:23.250
language is different than English sign language

02:43:23.250 --> 02:43:24.870
is different than American sign language. Why'd

02:43:24.870 --> 02:43:26.190
they do that? Someone's probably going to patent

02:43:26.190 --> 02:43:28.770
it and say, no, this is RE sign language. That's

02:43:28.770 --> 02:43:30.770
right. Everybody else is sign language. Go fuck

02:43:30.770 --> 02:43:32.270
yourselves. But if you want to use this one,

02:43:32.309 --> 02:43:34.840
I got a piece. Yeah. What have you got? arthritis,

02:43:35.139 --> 02:43:38.020
too. You can only talk to deaf people in Ireland.

02:43:38.340 --> 02:43:40.969
That's a good point, Mark Normand. I have a point.

02:43:42.250 --> 02:43:44.190
That's a good point. That's a very good point.

02:43:44.190 --> 02:43:47.709
I'm just saying. You're mute. Here's a true story.

02:43:47.770 --> 02:43:49.850
Dave Foley from NewsRadio cured his arthritis

02:43:49.850 --> 02:43:52.709
with CBD. Whoa. No, really? Yeah, he used to

02:43:52.709 --> 02:43:54.770
have heavy arthritis in his hands. His hands

02:43:54.770 --> 02:43:56.790
didn't move well. CBD worked. He started taking

02:43:56.790 --> 02:43:59.729
CBD and it just completely - Does it? Yeah, yeah,

02:43:59.770 --> 02:44:02.829
yeah. I don't know. No. 100%. 100 % it works.

02:44:02.870 --> 02:44:06.209
At minimum, it's the balm, but whatever it is,

02:44:06.290 --> 02:44:08.850
rub that shit on sore joints, it works. It's

02:44:08.850 --> 02:44:10.959
up here. No, no. No, no, no. It reduces inflammation.

02:44:11.260 --> 02:44:13.620
It definitely reduces inflammation. All right.

02:44:13.739 --> 02:44:15.700
It definitely is good for you. After a hike,

02:44:15.739 --> 02:44:18.379
it's the best. I feel the difference. And the

02:44:18.379 --> 02:44:21.000
combination of the two. The thing is, the big

02:44:21.000 --> 02:44:24.420
one is if you do THC with CBD. When I was in

02:44:24.420 --> 02:44:27.399
California and it was legal, you could get these

02:44:27.399 --> 02:44:30.399
things from Speedweed that were like one to one.

02:44:30.520 --> 02:44:34.079
It was like one THC to one CBD. It was phenomenal.

02:44:35.579 --> 02:44:37.799
All right. That's nice. Because it was like,

02:44:37.879 --> 02:44:40.079
it relaxed you. It was really good for the muscles,

02:44:40.219 --> 02:44:42.040
but it also just gets you. You get a little tuned

02:44:42.040 --> 02:44:45.420
up. And it's no side effects. Exactly. And you

02:44:45.420 --> 02:44:48.540
can't get hooked on it. Power, dude. Have you

02:44:48.540 --> 02:44:50.579
ever tried those to help you sleep? What? CBD.

02:44:50.780 --> 02:44:54.139
Like some CBD, like THC supplements? I have,

02:44:54.139 --> 02:44:56.000
actually. Yeah, that does help. It helps, but

02:44:56.000 --> 02:44:57.680
it's not enough. I need that punch. I need a

02:44:57.680 --> 02:45:01.690
real knockout. Oof. I know, it's bad. Ambien

02:45:01.690 --> 02:45:04.129
works, but it is rough. Like you wake up on the

02:45:04.129 --> 02:45:06.090
floor. So the Seroquel is less rough. Yeah, yeah,

02:45:06.090 --> 02:45:08.409
yeah. Yeah, I know a bunch of people that love

02:45:08.409 --> 02:45:11.610
the Ambien. Bad news. A lot of people in the

02:45:11.610 --> 02:45:14.190
production side of business where they're fucking

02:45:14.190 --> 02:45:16.989
working constantly and they're overworked and

02:45:16.989 --> 02:45:20.129
overstressed and they've got to conk out because

02:45:20.129 --> 02:45:22.250
they've got to be up in seven hours no matter

02:45:22.250 --> 02:45:24.979
what. Oh, yeah. Just pop it. Totally. Pop it.

02:45:25.020 --> 02:45:27.479
Let's go. But it fucks you. You're wonky. And

02:45:27.479 --> 02:45:29.840
if you wake up, is it possible that you could

02:45:29.840 --> 02:45:33.520
wake up and be fully ambient up still? Like Venom,

02:45:33.520 --> 02:45:36.700
right? Those people were. They were awake. Venom?

02:45:37.340 --> 02:45:40.479
Spider -Man. Yeah, he would take over Peter Parker

02:45:40.479 --> 02:45:42.100
and then he'd put him back to bed at the end

02:45:42.100 --> 02:45:44.079
of the night. He didn't even know he was up crime

02:45:44.079 --> 02:45:47.760
fighting. You haven't peed yet. No. I'm dying

02:45:47.760 --> 02:45:51.180
to pee. To the death. What's going on in this

02:45:51.180 --> 02:45:55.170
bubble you got here? Or, you know, this gut you

02:45:55.170 --> 02:45:58.530
got here. I'm getting fat again. How have you

02:45:58.530 --> 02:46:00.010
been with the working out? A lot of hoodies.

02:46:00.049 --> 02:46:01.649
I've been good with the working out, but my food

02:46:01.649 --> 02:46:06.270
intake is off the charts. And also boozing. We've

02:46:06.270 --> 02:46:08.170
been boozing a little this month. Booze is empty

02:46:08.170 --> 02:46:10.829
calories. It's real. Yep. This is my posture.

02:46:10.829 --> 02:46:14.610
Even whiskey. The problem with doing these sober

02:46:14.610 --> 02:46:17.069
October type deals is when you get obsessed and

02:46:17.069 --> 02:46:19.290
you go through something for like a month, at

02:46:19.290 --> 02:46:21.190
the end of it you want to celebrate and you don't

02:46:21.190 --> 02:46:23.959
want to do anything anymore. and I've been trying

02:46:23.959 --> 02:46:25.760
to keep up the workouts, and I'm going to make

02:46:25.760 --> 02:46:29.219
myself do five days a week. Jesus, that's all.

02:46:29.260 --> 02:46:31.500
You've got kids, man. It's not hard to do it.

02:46:31.600 --> 02:46:34.280
You aim for the fucking victory line, like just

02:46:34.280 --> 02:46:36.120
stay strong until that day, and then I'm good,

02:46:36.260 --> 02:46:37.620
and then you take a week off, and now it's a

02:46:37.620 --> 02:46:41.360
new habit. Now it's boozing. Boozing. Been boozing

02:46:41.360 --> 02:46:42.459
this month. What about the kids stuff? Not bad.

02:46:42.840 --> 02:46:44.319
I'd like to have kids one day, and I worry about

02:46:44.319 --> 02:46:46.280
the comedy. Some kid's going to go, hey, look

02:46:46.280 --> 02:46:48.819
at your dad's talking about pedophilia. It's

02:46:48.819 --> 02:46:51.219
a real question. Well. Is that a thing? It is

02:46:51.219 --> 02:46:54.520
a thing. How do you handle that, Ted? You're

02:46:54.520 --> 02:46:57.639
an adult human being. Adult human beings talk

02:46:57.639 --> 02:46:59.520
like that. That's what they do. It's an art form.

02:46:59.600 --> 02:47:00.979
It's called stand -up comedy. It doesn't mean

02:47:00.979 --> 02:47:03.520
he fucking means those things. Right, like Ozzy's

02:47:03.520 --> 02:47:05.479
eating a bat. You can talk a lot of shit in my

02:47:05.479 --> 02:47:08.219
house. Really? Yeah. I let my kids talk all kinds

02:47:08.219 --> 02:47:10.760
of crazy shit. Oh, that's fun. It's fun. And

02:47:10.760 --> 02:47:12.840
if they crack on you and they get you, it's funny.

02:47:13.040 --> 02:47:15.620
That's healthy. But it's also teaching them how

02:47:15.620 --> 02:47:17.760
to banter with people so people don't make them

02:47:17.760 --> 02:47:20.139
feel bad. Now, do they get shit from other people

02:47:20.139 --> 02:47:23.139
who don't like you? Not that I hear about. All

02:47:23.139 --> 02:47:25.180
right, that's good. They keep it to themselves.

02:47:25.180 --> 02:47:27.680
A lot of bullies out there. I still picture a

02:47:27.680 --> 02:47:30.440
kid like one years old, so whatever. A kid barely

02:47:30.440 --> 02:47:33.120
able to walk. Yeah, how old are we talking about?

02:47:33.120 --> 02:47:36.200
Look, it's super bizarre being any person that

02:47:36.200 --> 02:47:39.079
has kids. Yes. You're making little human beings.

02:47:39.159 --> 02:47:41.159
That's the most bizarre. All the other bizarre

02:47:41.159 --> 02:47:43.159
stuff, the extra stuff that comes with being

02:47:43.159 --> 02:47:46.219
famous, that's not nearly as bizarre as just

02:47:46.219 --> 02:47:48.399
the making the human being part. That's wacky.

02:47:48.559 --> 02:47:52.200
Everybody gets that. If you're a parent, everybody

02:47:52.200 --> 02:47:54.719
gets that, which is the wack. which is you just

02:47:54.719 --> 02:47:57.120
made a human. Yes. And now they exist. You've

02:47:57.120 --> 02:47:59.100
got to teach them stuff and raise them and high

02:47:59.100 --> 02:48:01.500
-five them. Oh, yeah. And it's crazy you can

02:48:01.500 --> 02:48:03.969
do that on accident. Yeah, you're just leaving

02:48:03.969 --> 02:48:05.790
it a little too long. I used to have a joke about

02:48:05.790 --> 02:48:08.129
that. Two seconds. About how it should be like

02:48:08.129 --> 02:48:10.290
one of those bad action movies where a president

02:48:10.290 --> 02:48:12.389
and the general have to turn the key at the exact

02:48:12.389 --> 02:48:14.569
same time. That's what it should be. It should

02:48:14.569 --> 02:48:17.149
be that much. You should have a sensor on your

02:48:17.149 --> 02:48:21.209
dick to make sure it's not hard. Have a kick.

02:48:21.649 --> 02:48:27.229
Let this poor fool. He's getting close to hard.

02:48:30.400 --> 02:48:33.940
His choices are getting very, very touchy. I

02:48:33.940 --> 02:48:34.979
have to pee, but I don't want to look in the

02:48:34.979 --> 02:48:36.520
mirror. It's going to fuck me up. I went and

02:48:36.520 --> 02:48:38.100
looked in the mirror. It wasn't great. Yeah,

02:48:38.139 --> 02:48:40.340
yeah. We got to look at that all day. The small

02:48:40.340 --> 02:48:44.200
dick when you pee on... Just that exchange right

02:48:44.200 --> 02:48:46.639
there. I looked in the mirror. It wasn't great.

02:48:46.719 --> 02:48:47.860
We got to look at that all day. That was a good

02:48:47.860 --> 02:48:50.059
exchange. I know what you mean. Yes. I'm nervous

02:48:50.059 --> 02:48:51.819
about it. We should both fucking Blues Brothers

02:48:51.819 --> 02:48:56.200
over here. With these shades. Oh, my God. Shade

02:48:56.200 --> 02:49:02.270
Gillis. Shame Gillis. It's killing me. Shame

02:49:02.270 --> 02:49:05.229
Gillis. This pod's finally cooking, baby. It's

02:49:05.229 --> 02:49:07.489
only been three hours. I mean, you're doodling.

02:49:08.870 --> 02:49:13.370
He's writing hostage notes. You thought fucking

02:49:13.370 --> 02:49:15.370
psychedelics was a good idea for this podcast.

02:49:15.510 --> 02:49:19.190
That was not me, dude. I said no. I saw your

02:49:19.190 --> 02:49:22.209
hat and I was like, wait, what? It's like a right

02:49:22.209 --> 02:49:26.450
-sized jar. You did say no. Good times, though.

02:49:28.000 --> 02:49:30.819
I had a good time. Mark's fucked up. He's fucked

02:49:30.819 --> 02:49:33.079
up. He's a weird fucking guy. I didn't know how

02:49:33.079 --> 02:49:35.100
weird he was until I saw that stack of notes.

02:49:35.180 --> 02:49:37.059
I'm reevaluating our friendship. The stack of

02:49:37.059 --> 02:49:39.319
notes is wild. It's a fucking fucked up thing

02:49:39.319 --> 02:49:41.100
to see while you're high, too. It's amazing.

02:49:41.739 --> 02:49:44.000
Insane notes. Well, that's why he's so funny.

02:49:44.040 --> 02:49:45.879
It's also like that style of jokes he has on

02:49:45.879 --> 02:49:48.979
stage. He's off stage. It's mine still just going

02:49:48.979 --> 02:49:53.860
to this. I'm going to the gym. You're like, what?

02:49:55.360 --> 02:49:57.360
One thing you have to admit, you got to admit,

02:49:57.479 --> 02:50:01.159
you got to admit that stack of notes. It's like,

02:50:01.180 --> 02:50:03.899
that's dedication. Oh, yeah, he's nonstop writing.

02:50:03.940 --> 02:50:06.020
That's a real dedication. That's a crazy step.

02:50:06.219 --> 02:50:08.420
It's crazy the way he organizes it, but what

02:50:08.420 --> 02:50:12.739
he's writing down, that amount of focus. Nonstop.

02:50:12.739 --> 02:50:15.200
He loves it. He loves it. And he's great. That's

02:50:15.200 --> 02:50:16.520
why he's so funny, man. Yeah, that's why he's

02:50:16.520 --> 02:50:18.420
one of the best. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, when he

02:50:18.420 --> 02:50:21.120
was struggling over that half hour, he's like,

02:50:21.139 --> 02:50:22.780
give me Netflix, I don't know. And then at some

02:50:22.780 --> 02:50:24.299
point, everyone's like, you'll just write a new

02:50:24.299 --> 02:50:26.180
hour in six months. He goes, oh, yeah, you're

02:50:26.180 --> 02:50:29.940
right. Yeah. It's so fast. Yeah, he's an animal.

02:50:30.329 --> 02:50:32.530
Non -stop. But seeing that thing, I'm like, dude,

02:50:32.590 --> 02:50:35.649
you're going to be walking real fucked up when

02:50:35.649 --> 02:50:38.450
you get old. You can't sit on your ass like that

02:50:38.450 --> 02:50:41.229
with one lump over here and one lump over there.

02:50:41.290 --> 02:50:43.930
Oh, but the wallet balances it out. It doesn't

02:50:43.930 --> 02:50:45.850
balance that shit. You're not supposed to be

02:50:45.850 --> 02:50:49.209
sitting on these unbalanced things, man. Just

02:50:49.209 --> 02:50:52.829
fucking get a fanny pack, pussy. Look, just like

02:50:52.829 --> 02:50:55.770
this. They sell them everywhere. No, I disagree

02:50:55.770 --> 02:50:56.690
with that. You get them, you wear them. Definitely

02:50:56.690 --> 02:50:58.870
don't get that. There's another answer. Are you

02:50:58.870 --> 02:51:01.409
wearing fanny packs? Because I don't give a fuck.

02:51:01.590 --> 02:51:04.770
That's where I keep my keys. You should care

02:51:04.770 --> 02:51:06.549
somewhat. What about your pocket? What about

02:51:06.549 --> 02:51:08.469
your front pocket for your keys? That's where

02:51:08.469 --> 02:51:12.850
the weed and the Fear Factor money goes. Still

02:51:12.850 --> 02:51:19.040
laying them down. Because I made a good point.

02:51:19.780 --> 02:51:21.739
You're like, well, guess what, bitch? I love

02:51:21.739 --> 02:51:24.899
money. No, man, I like fanny packs because I

02:51:24.899 --> 02:51:27.459
don't like shit in my pockets. I hate stuff in

02:51:27.459 --> 02:51:28.639
my pockets. It stabs you when you have to move

02:51:28.639 --> 02:51:31.319
fast. If you want to, like, go up a flight of

02:51:31.319 --> 02:51:33.559
stairs and then you got this fucking chapstick

02:51:33.559 --> 02:51:35.690
in your... fucking pants rubbing against your

02:51:35.690 --> 02:51:38.229
dick. I watched this fucking psycho walk down

02:51:38.229 --> 02:51:41.750
an escalator. He went on the wrong fucking...

02:51:41.750 --> 02:51:43.909
He's always trying to get some workouts in. I

02:51:43.909 --> 02:51:48.969
watched him do it. It took him a minute. He tried

02:51:48.969 --> 02:51:52.370
to walk on it. Once you commit to something like

02:51:52.370 --> 02:51:55.530
that, you just turn around. He's halfway up.

02:51:55.610 --> 02:51:57.409
I watched him the whole way. I was like, no way

02:51:57.409 --> 02:51:59.290
he's going to do this. It's such a douchebag

02:51:59.290 --> 02:52:01.790
move, too. For all the people that are coming

02:52:01.790 --> 02:52:04.719
up, they're like, what the fuck, buddy? And you're

02:52:04.719 --> 02:52:07.600
like, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me. Like,

02:52:08.399 --> 02:52:10.520
you're barely getting through the river. Yeah,

02:52:10.540 --> 02:52:12.459
I had luggage, too. You wouldn't even see it.

02:52:12.459 --> 02:52:15.059
No, you had luggage. Yeah, it was bad. It was

02:52:15.059 --> 02:52:18.540
at the lounge, too, the nice lounge. You're going

02:52:18.540 --> 02:52:21.159
up the, oh, my God. I was trying to go down.

02:52:21.239 --> 02:52:22.420
We were at the top. We were going down. He went

02:52:22.420 --> 02:52:26.360
down the escalator going up, and he, like. I

02:52:26.360 --> 02:52:28.780
just said, yeah, I've never seen it like it.

02:52:29.180 --> 02:52:30.920
I've never seen it like it. Nobody does that.

02:52:30.959 --> 02:52:34.049
It's like a Mr. Bean. Nobody does that. It was

02:52:34.049 --> 02:52:38.850
bad. You know, we make mistakes. You know. Take

02:52:38.850 --> 02:52:41.229
that fucking knot out of your pocket, please.

02:52:42.250 --> 02:52:45.010
Just do me a favor. Get a backpack. Get something

02:52:45.010 --> 02:52:47.030
manly. Get something that you can live with.

02:52:47.110 --> 02:52:48.889
Manly? What's more manly than living with pain,

02:52:48.889 --> 02:52:54.870
baby? You're going to fuck your back up, I'm

02:52:54.870 --> 02:52:57.149
telling you. All right. And once you do, it's

02:52:57.149 --> 02:53:00.610
not good. Backs are real bad. I'm going to the

02:53:00.610 --> 02:53:03.649
oxy. Doctors want to fuse them. Trust me. I'll

02:53:03.649 --> 02:53:06.549
take the Percocet. They want to replace discs.

02:53:07.309 --> 02:53:10.579
You want to avoid that if you can. If you can.

02:53:10.620 --> 02:53:12.219
You're scaring me now. Yeah, you gotta listen

02:53:12.219 --> 02:53:14.219
to me. Let's go back to the funny stories. Yeah,

02:53:14.239 --> 02:53:16.040
but just listen to me, man. You can't be fucking

02:53:16.040 --> 02:53:19.180
sitting on a giant five... It's very... We were

02:53:19.180 --> 02:53:22.000
saying it's an amazing testament to your dedication

02:53:22.000 --> 02:53:23.959
as a stand -up. Yeah, we were being nice. We

02:53:23.959 --> 02:53:26.180
were. It's pretty dope. We were like, it's pretty

02:53:26.180 --> 02:53:28.680
dope. It's kind of inspiring. Let's go back to

02:53:28.680 --> 02:53:31.600
the escalator. See a stack of fucking papers

02:53:31.600 --> 02:53:34.129
like that? That's a lot of writing. That's actually

02:53:34.129 --> 02:53:37.270
like, yeah. It's old. Very old stuff. Don't be

02:53:37.270 --> 02:53:41.989
humble. That's all good stuff. It's great. That's

02:53:41.989 --> 02:53:44.389
a pile of staged shit. You're a psycho. Brian

02:53:44.389 --> 02:53:46.649
Humble. You're a full -on joke -writing psycho.

02:53:46.870 --> 02:53:49.270
You are, dude. That's wild. I just don't, I love

02:53:49.270 --> 02:53:50.590
you and I don't want you to hurt your back. I

02:53:50.590 --> 02:53:53.709
appreciate it. You just miss all of them. 90

02:53:53.709 --> 02:53:55.090
% of your shit's undiscovered. Well, it's because

02:53:55.090 --> 02:54:00.250
it's fucking gibberish. You hang out with him.

02:54:00.370 --> 02:54:03.610
He's just Brian Humble. Sometimes you're on the

02:54:03.610 --> 02:54:05.729
walk home. You left Norman and you're just like,

02:54:05.770 --> 02:54:12.149
oh. I see what he said. Dude, it took me like

02:54:12.149 --> 02:54:14.190
a week and a half to figure out what your six

02:54:14.190 --> 02:54:17.389
million meant. You're like, believe in yourself.

02:54:17.610 --> 02:54:20.049
I'm like, dude, you can make it. You can get

02:54:20.049 --> 02:54:22.049
there. That's funny. I'm giving him a pep talk.

02:54:22.829 --> 02:54:24.629
I'm like, I'm telling you, eight million's real.

02:54:26.569 --> 02:54:29.709
I'm always back to the Holocaust. You guys won't

02:54:29.709 --> 02:54:31.090
shut up. It probably wasn't William. When you

02:54:31.090 --> 02:54:33.229
think about it, it probably wasn't William. So

02:54:33.229 --> 02:54:35.610
many complaints. I was watching, I watched that

02:54:35.610 --> 02:54:37.670
fucking, I might have talked about this before.

02:54:37.930 --> 02:54:41.370
Schindler? The devil next door, that guy. That

02:54:41.370 --> 02:54:42.950
was a good movie. Oh, Ivan the Terrible. That

02:54:42.950 --> 02:54:44.770
was a good movie. I was high enough that it was

02:54:44.770 --> 02:54:47.469
very, very funny. Is that a documentary? Like,

02:54:47.469 --> 02:54:50.010
he was just in Ohio. factory worker, and somebody

02:54:50.010 --> 02:54:51.649
was like, aren't you that SS guard? And he was

02:54:51.649 --> 02:54:54.469
like, what? Oh, my God. And they were like, aren't

02:54:54.469 --> 02:54:56.709
you fucking Ivan the Terrible? Who's this equally

02:54:56.709 --> 02:55:01.229
old person? No. Really? They shipped him back

02:55:01.229 --> 02:55:03.350
to Jerusalem. He didn't go to Argentina. He went

02:55:03.350 --> 02:55:06.430
somewhere else. How did he know the look of a

02:55:06.430 --> 02:55:09.790
Nazi guy? No, no, he was there. Survivor was

02:55:09.790 --> 02:55:13.190
like, wait, wait, I know this guy. That was a

02:55:13.190 --> 02:55:15.389
tough question. Here's the thing. I was watching

02:55:15.389 --> 02:55:17.809
him for the first time. Obviously, it's extremely

02:55:17.809 --> 02:55:20.790
dark, but it was funny. If you imagine that he

02:55:20.790 --> 02:55:22.969
is just a factory worker that's just like, what?

02:55:23.569 --> 02:55:25.790
And they're like, no, you're that guy. What if

02:55:25.790 --> 02:55:27.829
he's like one of those guys? Yeah, what if he

02:55:27.829 --> 02:55:29.829
was not that? I think he might be. What if he's

02:55:29.829 --> 02:55:32.430
one of those guys that looks like Drake? Yeah.

02:55:32.850 --> 02:55:34.930
That's it. Right? There's a lot of people that

02:55:34.930 --> 02:55:36.750
look like Slep. There's a guy that looks like

02:55:36.750 --> 02:55:38.889
Tom Selleck. He's real close to Tom Selleck.

02:55:39.190 --> 02:55:40.690
Impersonator. Right? There's guys like that.

02:55:40.750 --> 02:55:42.030
And now you're 80, and you're like, that is him.

02:55:42.430 --> 02:55:45.010
Right. And as you're getting older, your face

02:55:45.010 --> 02:55:47.829
looks like a fucking plane to Jerusalem where

02:55:47.829 --> 02:55:50.850
they're going to hang you. I'm not here. I'm

02:55:50.850 --> 02:55:53.770
telling you. What a snitch. But that's not how

02:55:53.770 --> 02:55:55.829
he responded. And every single thing in the jury,

02:55:55.909 --> 02:55:58.780
they're like, are you him? He's like. He wasn't

02:55:58.780 --> 02:56:02.120
even. What? He was just like, no. I don't know

02:56:02.120 --> 02:56:05.040
what you guys are talking about. It was so good.

02:56:05.040 --> 02:56:06.860
Was it him? No, it was fucked up. Do you think

02:56:06.860 --> 02:56:09.219
it was him? Last night, yes. Yeah. Just because

02:56:09.219 --> 02:56:11.920
nobody, if it was you on trial for, were you

02:56:11.920 --> 02:56:15.069
the fucking. SS officer at Treblinka, you'd be

02:56:15.069 --> 02:56:17.409
like, fuck no. You'd think by the end he'd be

02:56:17.409 --> 02:56:20.809
like, yeah, it was me. Fuck you guys. I saw it

02:56:20.809 --> 02:56:24.030
too. He hung in there. Jesus, dude. Did he get

02:56:24.030 --> 02:56:26.030
hung? No, he got hung. He hung in there. Did

02:56:26.030 --> 02:56:30.010
they hang him? They did. No. He died in prison.

02:56:30.270 --> 02:56:32.430
Wait, didn't he die before? He got a five -year

02:56:32.430 --> 02:56:33.790
sentence and he died trying to get a appeal.

02:56:33.870 --> 02:56:35.950
He was appealing or something like that. He died

02:56:35.950 --> 02:56:38.590
while he was appealing, so according to their

02:56:38.590 --> 02:56:42.670
law, he's not guilty. Is that the thing? He was

02:56:42.670 --> 02:56:44.530
not found. There's not enough evidence to find

02:56:44.530 --> 02:56:46.670
him guilty of being Ivan the Terrible, but they

02:56:46.670 --> 02:56:49.649
did. We're at least a guard. I think legally,

02:56:49.729 --> 02:56:52.489
though, if you die while on trial, you're not

02:56:52.489 --> 02:56:54.250
guilty. Oh, I don't know. Isn't that a thing?

02:56:54.389 --> 02:56:56.329
I'm not disagreeing. It's a part of innocence,

02:56:56.510 --> 02:56:58.069
right? But who cares? You're dead anyway. Yeah,

02:56:58.069 --> 02:57:00.549
you're dead. But they try people after they're

02:57:00.549 --> 02:57:01.930
dead. Yeah, so they no longer seek a determination

02:57:01.930 --> 02:57:03.629
on his guilt or innocence. Yeah. German legal

02:57:03.629 --> 02:57:06.290
system. German legal system. When they have trials,

02:57:06.430 --> 02:57:08.069
when people are dumb. Talk about your own rules,

02:57:08.149 --> 02:57:10.659
huh? Yeah. They've had, like, these mock trials

02:57:10.659 --> 02:57:13.399
of people after they're dead. What are you doing?

02:57:13.540 --> 02:57:17.479
Oh, sorry. Ray Charles. Good shroom. They've

02:57:17.479 --> 02:57:19.420
had those mock trials for people after they're

02:57:19.420 --> 02:57:20.760
dead, right? Just so they can say, like, you're

02:57:20.760 --> 02:57:22.639
guilty. Yeah, what does that mean? Is that, like,

02:57:22.639 --> 02:57:24.739
a fake trial? Fake trial. Yeah. Is that just

02:57:24.739 --> 02:57:27.819
for publicity? Yeah. Are there actors? Yeah,

02:57:27.819 --> 02:57:29.219
does someone have to go play Hitler and be like,

02:57:29.340 --> 02:57:30.840
ah, I plead guilty? We got a lot of questions

02:57:30.840 --> 02:57:33.860
here, fellas. Jamie's like, slow down. No, what

02:57:33.860 --> 02:57:35.739
I mean, they, like, try people after they're

02:57:35.739 --> 02:57:38.729
dead. They've had, I feel like, is that a thing?

02:57:38.750 --> 02:57:40.270
They did something on TV recently. I'm trying

02:57:40.270 --> 02:57:42.530
to find. Just so the legal system can say, like,

02:57:42.549 --> 02:57:44.549
we also are on the side that he did. Right, right,

02:57:44.549 --> 02:57:49.409
right. We got a show tonight? No chance. No chance.

02:57:49.489 --> 02:57:52.579
Zero chance. Zero chance. What are you saying?

02:57:52.659 --> 02:57:54.059
I'm getting on a flight back to fucking New York

02:57:54.059 --> 02:57:56.659
right now. Yeah. I'm like you when we did Molly,

02:57:56.860 --> 02:57:59.379
dude. I'm going home. I'm going to bed, dude.

02:57:59.379 --> 02:58:02.340
I'm going home. We have the best set of your

02:58:02.340 --> 02:58:04.399
life. I'm definitely not going on stage tonight.

02:58:04.520 --> 02:58:06.479
In about four hours. Let's go to dinner. Let's

02:58:06.479 --> 02:58:09.120
live it up like kings. I'm so hungry. I could

02:58:09.120 --> 02:58:11.440
eat. Let's do that, too. I had about nine bars

02:58:11.440 --> 02:58:13.299
out of the vending machine. I could eat a thing

02:58:13.299 --> 02:58:15.200
right now. You have an appetite for real? I could

02:58:15.200 --> 02:58:20.280
eat pussy. Jesus. The way you said it was threatening.

02:58:21.319 --> 02:58:24.920
How do you do it? All right. Show me your ways.

02:58:25.540 --> 02:58:27.399
I'm not good at it. I've gotten the tap a few

02:58:27.399 --> 02:58:29.760
times. I got pissed, too. Finally have to piss.

02:58:29.819 --> 02:58:33.379
I'll be right back. All right. Damn it. I needed

02:58:33.379 --> 02:58:35.100
ten more minutes. I could have outlasted you.

02:58:35.579 --> 02:58:39.079
Six minutes. I can keep going. Oh, get out of

02:58:39.079 --> 02:58:42.420
here. Let's bond beers. I don't want to be competitive.

02:58:42.819 --> 02:58:44.719
All right. It's the three -hour mark. We're at

02:58:44.719 --> 02:58:46.360
three hours? Oh, all right. This is the cruising

02:58:46.360 --> 02:58:49.879
zone. Holy shit, dude. What a fucking podcast.

02:58:50.280 --> 02:58:52.719
I don't know if it's good or bad, up, down, left,

02:58:52.819 --> 02:58:56.479
right, gay, straight, but I'm having a blast.

02:58:57.360 --> 02:59:00.959
I'll be honest, man. It's a very intense thing

02:59:00.959 --> 02:59:03.459
to be very high on mushrooms. On the biggest

02:59:03.459 --> 02:59:06.399
platform in America? Then you just listen to...

02:59:06.600 --> 02:59:08.559
dumb fucking conversation. You're like, what?

02:59:08.879 --> 02:59:10.780
Yeah, I was fighting through that crypto thing.

02:59:10.860 --> 02:59:13.799
I almost took a nap. You know what I mean, Jamie?

02:59:13.860 --> 02:59:17.879
You go, what the heck? Jamie, don't you sit around

02:59:17.879 --> 02:59:21.459
sometimes? Yeah, that's what I do. Jamie, what

02:59:21.459 --> 02:59:23.079
do you want to talk about, dude? Nobody ever

02:59:23.079 --> 02:59:26.139
asked Jamie. That's true. He's a quiet little

02:59:26.139 --> 02:59:31.420
guy. He's not little, dude. Jamie's... Yes, Jamie's

02:59:31.420 --> 02:59:35.260
a psycho. I take it all back. Jamie's a monster.

02:59:35.379 --> 02:59:41.559
He's got more guns than Rogan. Jamie, let's do

02:59:41.559 --> 02:59:43.520
this. You get to bring it up, dude. What's Jamie

02:59:43.520 --> 02:59:46.739
bringing up? Have you done an ep in the hot seat?

02:59:46.840 --> 02:59:49.040
No, not over there. They need you on the ones

02:59:49.040 --> 02:59:51.260
and twos. Yeah, I've been on a show, though.

02:59:51.879 --> 02:59:54.520
I'm on all of them. Yeah, there's been a couple

02:59:54.520 --> 02:59:56.860
where I've been involved more. Oh, that's fun.

02:59:57.020 --> 02:59:59.549
Without a guest. But you're so mysterious, the

02:59:59.549 --> 03:00:02.569
man behind the curtain. Well, let's keep it that

03:00:02.569 --> 03:00:05.409
way. That's pretty good. I don't have a camera

03:00:05.409 --> 03:00:06.790
on me right now, so I can't put it on me. I'm

03:00:06.790 --> 03:00:08.889
just switching between you two. We look like

03:00:08.889 --> 03:00:12.530
fucking dumbasses. Uh -oh, what happened in the

03:00:12.530 --> 03:00:16.069
bathroom with Ari? Yes, it's not great in there.

03:00:16.149 --> 03:00:19.549
And Ari is in the bathroom peeing, and his dog

03:00:19.549 --> 03:00:24.190
is this far from the door and doesn't move. The

03:00:24.190 --> 03:00:27.430
dog just sits there with... With her nose through

03:00:27.430 --> 03:00:30.489
the door and doesn't move. No, I'm just fingering

03:00:30.489 --> 03:00:32.889
that dog. That's the kind of love that you get

03:00:32.889 --> 03:00:36.659
from a rescue dog. That's not a dog that was

03:00:36.659 --> 03:00:39.700
raised with love as a puppy. That's a dog that's

03:00:39.700 --> 03:00:41.520
experienced neglect. It's sad again. It's dark

03:00:41.520 --> 03:00:43.540
again. It's not dark. It's a nice thing. The

03:00:43.540 --> 03:00:45.159
dog loves them. The dog loves the shit out of

03:00:45.159 --> 03:00:47.479
them. But that kind of love, you get that love.

03:00:47.559 --> 03:00:49.399
It's a different kind of love that you get from

03:00:49.399 --> 03:00:51.100
dogs that have experienced bad times. My wife

03:00:51.100 --> 03:00:54.920
was a rescue. Wait for the door. It's beautiful.

03:00:56.979 --> 03:01:01.299
Yeah, she's a nice lady. Hell of a bitch. I like

03:01:01.299 --> 03:01:03.979
that picture of the two of you guys in that 2002,

03:01:04.340 --> 03:01:06.620
that old school BMW that you have. Oh, that's

03:01:06.620 --> 03:01:09.540
a killer car. That thing runs like a top. They're

03:01:09.540 --> 03:01:11.180
great cars, man. They're so well engineered.

03:01:11.479 --> 03:01:13.899
You know that car saved BMW? They were going

03:01:13.899 --> 03:01:16.040
under, and that car brought them out of it. Really?

03:01:16.180 --> 03:01:20.159
Yeah. Is it a manual? Oh, yeah. Four speed. It's

03:01:20.159 --> 03:01:21.959
a little go -kart. It weighs like eight pounds.

03:01:23.009 --> 03:01:25.670
Yeah, it's probably pretty good to handle, too,

03:01:25.770 --> 03:01:28.030
right? It handles great. It's really fun to drive.

03:01:28.430 --> 03:01:31.469
And those cars will fucking run forever, too.

03:01:31.610 --> 03:01:33.709
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I took it to the shop just

03:01:33.709 --> 03:01:35.250
to make sure, and they're like, it's perfect.

03:01:35.569 --> 03:01:37.090
Are you going to spend some of that sweet, sweet

03:01:37.090 --> 03:01:39.430
YouTube money on a nice car? I think you need

03:01:39.430 --> 03:01:41.430
one, son. Yeah, well, that money could buy maybe

03:01:41.430 --> 03:01:43.190
a nice 60. I think you need one. I've been trying

03:01:43.190 --> 03:01:45.450
to talk you into a BMW for years. You probably

03:01:45.450 --> 03:01:47.950
got like an 89 Jetta with that money. You need

03:01:47.950 --> 03:01:52.760
a nice, like, maybe a Civic. A BMW M3. It's a

03:01:52.760 --> 03:01:58.219
four -door. E30 is nice, too. It's a very sophisticated

03:01:58.219 --> 03:02:01.840
car. It's very calm. I used to doodle BMW Insignias

03:02:01.840 --> 03:02:03.540
when I was in high school. You should get one.

03:02:03.600 --> 03:02:05.920
Those are the ovens? Really? You should get one.

03:02:06.020 --> 03:02:08.020
Until you're drunk? Get an M4. Get the coupe

03:02:08.020 --> 03:02:14.059
since you're high society. That's the M3. Damn,

03:02:14.079 --> 03:02:15.760
that's so sporty. Oh, that's a wrap. I just don't

03:02:15.760 --> 03:02:17.120
want to go through the trouble of buying it.

03:02:17.120 --> 03:02:18.639
Yeah, that looks like it's a bitch. I don't want

03:02:18.639 --> 03:02:21.180
to spend like three days buying a car. It's a

03:02:21.180 --> 03:02:23.200
lot of research. Look how good that thing looks.

03:02:23.860 --> 03:02:25.000
Turn around and look. I love this car. Just do

03:02:25.000 --> 03:02:26.420
the paperwork. Turn around and look at that.

03:02:26.500 --> 03:02:29.020
Shane Gill. That's an ugly color with that weird

03:02:29.020 --> 03:02:30.799
look. That's just a weird wrap. You want me driving

03:02:30.799 --> 03:02:33.680
that fucking thing? That car is amazing. You

03:02:33.680 --> 03:02:36.420
got out of that car? You seem like an SUV guy.

03:02:36.799 --> 03:02:39.559
Yeah, it's nice. You see that one, that little

03:02:39.559 --> 03:02:41.399
silver one? Look at that Chevy Cruze, Jamie.

03:02:42.309 --> 03:02:44.909
Jamie, bring up the 2018. That's an E46. That's

03:02:44.909 --> 03:02:47.729
nice. I have an E46. Really? Yeah. Those are

03:02:47.729 --> 03:02:50.469
great cars. Great car. Great car. That is a fast

03:02:50.469 --> 03:02:51.989
fucking car. Now, bring up one that looks like

03:02:51.989 --> 03:02:53.909
it's been in an accident. It's so well balanced.

03:02:54.870 --> 03:02:56.489
The one that looks like it's been in an accident?

03:02:56.510 --> 03:02:59.790
Yeah, a New York version of the same car. Oh,

03:02:59.790 --> 03:03:01.569
yeah, I guess. They're getting ugly with these

03:03:01.569 --> 03:03:03.790
big openings. Bumper protectors on everything.

03:03:04.069 --> 03:03:06.370
Yeah. That's so ridiculous, those things. The

03:03:06.370 --> 03:03:08.049
grill is too big. But that's what you need, Ari.

03:03:08.719 --> 03:03:09.899
That's what I need. I'll get it. You don't fucking

03:03:09.899 --> 03:03:12.659
need that. You don't need an E46. You don't need

03:03:12.659 --> 03:03:14.420
that shit. You need to get a horse. Get up into

03:03:14.420 --> 03:03:16.239
the mountains. I'll drive a horse around New

03:03:16.239 --> 03:03:19.959
York. That'd be great. You don't even need the

03:03:19.959 --> 03:03:22.579
M3. A milk bucket. He's more of a rickshaw guy.

03:03:24.700 --> 03:03:27.659
Give yourself a nice three series. Chevy Cruze.

03:03:27.659 --> 03:03:31.479
Now we're talking. Now we're talking. Got some

03:03:31.479 --> 03:03:33.940
groceries in the back? Look at that. That thing's

03:03:33.940 --> 03:03:36.120
got some whip in it. Backdoor latches. They blurred

03:03:36.120 --> 03:03:37.940
it because it's going so fast. That's how they

03:03:37.940 --> 03:03:40.579
took the picture. That's an ugly -ass orange.

03:03:40.579 --> 03:03:43.680
That's a fucking good car, Jamie. Overhead lights

03:03:43.680 --> 03:03:45.840
are going off automatically? Chevy Cruze, baby.

03:03:45.840 --> 03:03:48.360
What's the car that brings the least amount of

03:03:48.360 --> 03:03:50.260
excitement when you see it? Probably a black

03:03:50.260 --> 03:03:53.620
2018 Chevy Cruze. That's what I had. That blue

03:03:53.620 --> 03:03:56.120
color. Oh, my God. Wait a minute. I'll be honest.

03:03:56.280 --> 03:03:59.000
I love that car. That's a good rental. You get

03:03:59.000 --> 03:04:00.120
a rental car, you want that. I gave it to my

03:04:00.120 --> 03:04:03.020
sister. Now she drives it, and I'm jealous. I'm

03:04:03.020 --> 03:04:06.459
going to try to doll it up. I want it back. I

03:04:06.459 --> 03:04:09.079
want it back. I want it back. You got a canvas

03:04:09.079 --> 03:04:12.200
interior, stock, AM, FM. Okay, but go to a...

03:04:12.200 --> 03:04:15.639
A Prius? Go to a Prius. Let's see what a Prius

03:04:15.639 --> 03:04:18.239
looks like. Prius is ugly. Sucks. Is that the

03:04:18.239 --> 03:04:21.459
least joyful car? They're trying to look a little

03:04:21.459 --> 03:04:23.420
sexy. They're trying to sex it up, but it's not

03:04:23.420 --> 03:04:24.319
going to happen. That one up there, that gold

03:04:24.319 --> 03:04:26.799
one's pretty sexy. Well, Tesla came in and jizzed

03:04:26.799 --> 03:04:28.639
right in their face. Is that what a Prius looks

03:04:28.639 --> 03:04:31.260
like now? They're trying. Okay, that looks pretty

03:04:31.260 --> 03:04:33.200
good. Big rims. That's a lot better looking than

03:04:33.200 --> 03:04:34.739
the old ones. Look at that S. Look at that one

03:04:34.739 --> 03:04:37.829
getting from the top, that gold one. Right there,

03:04:37.870 --> 03:04:39.309
the next one. Yeah, that one. So you can see

03:04:39.309 --> 03:04:41.329
it from the top. And this was starving Elon Musk?

03:04:41.510 --> 03:04:44.889
Bro, that's a Prius now? That's a good -looking

03:04:44.889 --> 03:04:46.430
car. I disagree. No, it's disgusting. Don't you

03:04:46.430 --> 03:04:48.190
feel silly driving that, though? You feel silly.

03:04:48.209 --> 03:04:51.569
You feel silly with that? Yeah. Why? Go get groceries?

03:04:51.649 --> 03:04:53.229
The fucking Kill Bill gets out of that car. You're

03:04:53.229 --> 03:04:55.409
driving that? You dress like a moron going to

03:04:55.409 --> 03:04:56.250
get groceries? That's a cool -looking little

03:04:56.250 --> 03:04:58.270
car. You guys are right in your mind. It's too

03:04:58.270 --> 03:05:01.110
much for normal use. It's a fucking Toyota. It's

03:05:01.110 --> 03:05:02.510
too much what for normal use? What does that

03:05:02.510 --> 03:05:04.790
mean? Sex. Too much sex for normal use. You guys

03:05:04.790 --> 03:05:09.149
talking about sex? You think it's sexy? I think

03:05:09.149 --> 03:05:10.909
that's a good looking little car. I don't know.

03:05:11.129 --> 03:05:13.010
The old ones used to look like shit. Volkswagen

03:05:13.010 --> 03:05:15.489
Rabbit. Whenever Greg Fitzsimmons would show

03:05:15.489 --> 03:05:17.610
up in his Prius, I'd be like, Gregory. Yeah,

03:05:17.610 --> 03:05:20.110
I need a Mustang. That's it. That's the old one.

03:05:20.190 --> 03:05:21.870
Larry David car. That one's ridiculous. That

03:05:21.870 --> 03:05:24.069
does suck. That's just like, we don't give a

03:05:24.069 --> 03:05:25.549
fuck what it looks like. You're sensible. We're

03:05:25.549 --> 03:05:28.430
just getting there. Just get there. Your life's

03:05:28.430 --> 03:05:31.010
not filled with joy. Your life is boring. I was

03:05:31.010 --> 03:05:32.629
like, listen, the sound's going off. We're at

03:05:32.629 --> 03:05:35.309
a stoplight. It went off completely. Oh, cool.

03:05:35.889 --> 03:05:38.930
Oh, yeah. I remember that. It was a big deal.

03:05:39.190 --> 03:05:42.770
Yeah. Now everybody's engine shuts off at every

03:05:42.770 --> 03:05:44.950
stoplight. Like what? Isn't that weird that it

03:05:44.950 --> 03:05:47.409
starts back up? Yeah. It's strange. Or you just

03:05:47.409 --> 03:05:50.389
press that button. Override? Yeah. I hate the

03:05:50.389 --> 03:05:52.850
button. Burn the fuel. I like a real yank. A

03:05:52.850 --> 03:05:56.489
yanker. Vroom, vroom. You're driving like an

03:05:56.489 --> 03:05:59.709
ancient car. Ancient. It's 50 years old. Bavaria?

03:05:59.909 --> 03:06:03.409
No, no. 2002. 2002, yeah. And it's tiny. The

03:06:03.409 --> 03:06:06.350
person is next to you. It's weird. Yeah, but

03:06:06.350 --> 03:06:08.170
it's probably a lot of fun. It's a hell of a

03:06:08.170 --> 03:06:09.709
time. And that's your daily driver? You drive

03:06:09.709 --> 03:06:12.010
that around? I drive it to gigs in Jersey and

03:06:12.010 --> 03:06:15.809
D .C. you know, upstate. Once a month. Once a

03:06:15.809 --> 03:06:18.190
month. Like a menstrual. Never fucks up on you?

03:06:18.329 --> 03:06:20.729
Not once. You got a good guy that fixes it? I

03:06:20.729 --> 03:06:22.670
got a hell of a guy. That's important. Yeah,

03:06:22.690 --> 03:06:25.370
he's in Jersey. There she goes. Look at the interior.

03:06:25.809 --> 03:06:28.569
Look at that radio. That's a stock radio. Look

03:06:28.569 --> 03:06:32.969
at that thing jiggling. Dude, that is so sweet.

03:06:33.930 --> 03:06:36.610
Who designed the car? What do you mean design

03:06:36.610 --> 03:06:38.649
it? Or help work on the car. Oh, I wish I could

03:06:38.649 --> 03:06:41.850
think of his Hitler. Are you driving this thing?

03:06:42.149 --> 03:06:44.329
If you go further down, are you driving it? Look

03:06:44.329 --> 03:06:46.950
at that good looking car, man. Look at how disgusting

03:06:46.950 --> 03:06:49.809
this city is. I mean, where exactly do you park

03:06:49.809 --> 03:06:53.409
it? It's so gross everywhere. I park in a garage,

03:06:53.510 --> 03:06:55.229
they're raping me. Oh, look at that old watch.

03:06:56.790 --> 03:07:00.510
You're actually listening to the radio? Yeah.

03:07:00.729 --> 03:07:04.729
Dude, you are fucked up. This is crazy. You listen

03:07:04.729 --> 03:07:06.309
to the radio. That's so fun to drive. He's listening

03:07:06.309 --> 03:07:08.850
to AM radio because that's the only option on

03:07:08.850 --> 03:07:14.409
that fucking thing. Look at the round taillights.

03:07:14.409 --> 03:07:16.950
I can't even afford a license plate. Oh, you

03:07:16.950 --> 03:07:20.200
can see it's leaning a little bit. Boys, if we

03:07:20.200 --> 03:07:22.840
were born 20 years earlier, we'd be on AM radio.

03:07:23.219 --> 03:07:25.120
But isn't it crazy? Old ladies drove those to

03:07:25.120 --> 03:07:29.420
work. You had to just shift it up. Yeah. Crazy.

03:07:29.659 --> 03:07:31.739
Yeah. Well, if you go to other countries, they

03:07:31.739 --> 03:07:33.579
still do it. In Italy, everybody still drives

03:07:33.579 --> 03:07:35.520
a manual. But also, there's no crumpled zone

03:07:35.520 --> 03:07:38.420
on that cum guzzler. You're done. You're doing

03:07:38.420 --> 03:07:42.239
an accent. You get hit. It's over. There's not

03:07:42.239 --> 03:07:45.940
a lot there. No, you're done. No airbag. Yeah,

03:07:46.040 --> 03:07:48.489
not a lot there. Those old cars are interesting.

03:07:48.809 --> 03:07:51.149
You ever had an airbag hit you? No. It sucks.

03:07:51.629 --> 03:07:53.690
I bet. It's not fun. What did it happen? You

03:07:53.690 --> 03:07:56.239
get covered in powder. Really? I was in a car

03:07:56.239 --> 03:07:58.500
that flipped in high school, and we landed in

03:07:58.500 --> 03:08:01.180
a ditch, and the airbag popped. You hit your

03:08:01.180 --> 03:08:04.659
head pretty bad? Yeah, we were upside down. What?

03:08:05.040 --> 03:08:08.159
I undid the buckle. I fell. I dropped. I hit

03:08:08.159 --> 03:08:09.000
the ceiling. What were you like before that?

03:08:10.219 --> 03:08:12.200
Is that when you thought you were funny? I was

03:08:12.200 --> 03:08:16.120
a preacher. Something happened. Ow! Ow! Something

03:08:16.120 --> 03:08:19.020
happened, dude. Oh, yeah. We were tubing. This

03:08:19.020 --> 03:08:22.219
is Louisiana shit. Oh, yeah. I didn't know how

03:08:22.219 --> 03:08:24.620
to write a joke before. Bro, how many comics

03:08:24.620 --> 03:08:28.420
became comics after head injuries? Two that I

03:08:28.420 --> 03:08:31.860
know. Roseanne and Kinison. Yeah, those are big

03:08:31.860 --> 03:08:35.239
ones. Maybe you too, hun. Maybe. Maybe you too.

03:08:36.119 --> 03:08:39.319
Good band. Maybe Shane? How many times did you

03:08:39.319 --> 03:08:42.399
play football? I came out dumb as hell. That's

03:08:42.399 --> 03:08:46.940
a tour. A CTE tour. A CTE tour. Oh, yeah. You

03:08:46.940 --> 03:08:49.280
went to a good college. I used to be smart. Well,

03:08:49.299 --> 03:08:51.120
you know your history. You watch documentaries

03:08:51.120 --> 03:08:53.739
now. You know the Crusades like the back of your

03:08:53.739 --> 03:08:55.579
anal. Don't get me going on the Crusades. I love

03:08:55.579 --> 03:08:58.489
the Crusades. I watched a YouTube video on it.

03:08:58.549 --> 03:09:00.729
It's fucking fascinating. Crusades is funny.

03:09:00.889 --> 03:09:02.690
Your bit about the dudes who like history is

03:09:02.690 --> 03:09:04.409
fucking hilarious. Yeah, you're just going to

03:09:04.409 --> 03:09:06.930
be guaranteed. You're going to be Republican.

03:09:08.649 --> 03:09:11.510
Yeah. You're right. If you go over to a guy's

03:09:11.510 --> 03:09:13.489
house, he's got a book on Thomas Jefferson on

03:09:13.489 --> 03:09:16.450
his front shelf. That's so true. This guy's voting

03:09:16.450 --> 03:09:19.729
red. I love your werewolf bit, too. I don't even

03:09:19.729 --> 03:09:21.969
do it anymore. I've been quoting that all over

03:09:21.969 --> 03:09:24.350
town. Yeah, you gotta do it. That's a great bit

03:09:24.350 --> 03:09:26.690
about how, like... Becoming a Republican is like

03:09:26.690 --> 03:09:28.229
turning into a werewolf. You're like, there's

03:09:28.229 --> 03:09:30.370
so many black people in these commercials. I

03:09:30.370 --> 03:09:35.010
still do that one. That's a great bit. It's funny.

03:09:35.110 --> 03:09:37.709
I went home for Thanksgiving. I got to watch

03:09:37.709 --> 03:09:41.209
my dad watch TV. It's been so long since I saw

03:09:41.209 --> 03:09:44.110
an old man watching TV. Yeah. It's great. What

03:09:44.110 --> 03:09:45.989
was that like? He's just got to watch. Old guys

03:09:45.989 --> 03:09:49.420
have to watch commercials all day. That's who

03:09:49.420 --> 03:09:50.780
the commercials are for. They're just drilling

03:09:50.780 --> 03:09:54.100
old guys stuck on a couch. They're like, what

03:09:54.100 --> 03:09:58.700
the fuck is this? They're buying coins. Two guys

03:09:58.700 --> 03:10:02.579
making out and they're like, buy fucking insurance.

03:10:03.040 --> 03:10:06.979
How wild is that? A lot of coins, a lot of plates.

03:10:07.219 --> 03:10:09.690
Commemorative plates are still going. It's crazy

03:10:09.690 --> 03:10:11.409
watching commercials now. Yeah, I get to see

03:10:11.409 --> 03:10:14.829
the Fox News commercials are the best. Mike Lindell.

03:10:16.670 --> 03:10:20.229
I'm Mike Lindell. Are you the victim of a conspiracy?

03:10:20.389 --> 03:10:23.670
Behind him is a picture of Jesus and a lion.

03:10:23.989 --> 03:10:30.430
Selling pillows? Oh, fuck. He lost his marriage

03:10:30.430 --> 03:10:32.049
over that pillow. He made it in the basement,

03:10:32.129 --> 03:10:33.750
and the wife was like, come up. He's like, fuck

03:10:33.750 --> 03:10:38.110
you, cut. Wow, is that a quote? Yeah, yeah, it's

03:10:38.110 --> 03:10:42.350
on the pillow. Wow, what a dude. A lion! Certificate

03:10:42.350 --> 03:10:44.950
of excellence. Jesus and the lion. This is the

03:10:44.950 --> 03:10:47.190
fucking... And then an eagle and a folded flag

03:10:47.190 --> 03:10:49.129
all together in that picture. He's got the Last

03:10:49.129 --> 03:10:51.790
Supper in the back. He's got the cross pin. And

03:10:51.790 --> 03:10:54.510
I think that might be green screen, too. No.

03:10:54.690 --> 03:10:58.430
It might be, dude. That's his office. Is it real,

03:10:58.450 --> 03:11:03.729
Jamie? That's a black guy walking in that room.

03:11:03.729 --> 03:11:05.770
He'd be like, I gotta get out of here. It's not

03:11:05.770 --> 03:11:09.020
green screen. Imagine walking in there. You'd

03:11:09.020 --> 03:11:10.639
be like, what the fuck's wrong with you, dude?

03:11:10.719 --> 03:11:13.239
Jesus with a lion. You would know exactly what

03:11:13.239 --> 03:11:15.920
you can and can't say to that guy. Oh, yeah.

03:11:16.040 --> 03:11:17.860
Tell him you're transitioning. He'll shoot you

03:11:17.860 --> 03:11:26.079
with a shotgun. He really would. Short circuit.

03:11:26.200 --> 03:11:29.459
Margaret, unlock the vault. Yeah, cut my dick

03:11:29.459 --> 03:11:32.940
off. He would start turning the thing on the

03:11:32.940 --> 03:11:36.489
wall. The combination on the wall. wall. He'd

03:11:36.489 --> 03:11:37.950
move a picture out of the way. You don't put

03:11:37.950 --> 03:11:43.389
a fucking vault on the wall. There's your next

03:11:43.389 --> 03:11:47.250
ghillie. That's so funny, dude. That's what it

03:11:47.250 --> 03:11:48.690
looks like. You could just walk in there and

03:11:48.690 --> 03:11:51.129
be like, yeah, I'm ready to suck some dick. You'd

03:11:51.129 --> 03:11:55.170
be so dead. You'd push a button, the door would

03:11:55.170 --> 03:12:01.280
slam with a metal gate, and you'd be done. Homophobia.

03:12:01.620 --> 03:12:04.940
It's funny. It's weird how prevalent it is with

03:12:04.940 --> 03:12:09.540
certain right -wing people. It's weird how prevalent

03:12:09.540 --> 03:12:12.819
it is. I've had many conversations with people

03:12:12.819 --> 03:12:14.500
that just don't think that gay people should

03:12:14.500 --> 03:12:17.540
be allowed to get married. I'm like, are you

03:12:17.540 --> 03:12:20.020
anti -freedom? What the fuck are you talking

03:12:20.020 --> 03:12:22.420
about? They just think they have a stronger hold

03:12:22.420 --> 03:12:24.819
on their world. You want to define that it's

03:12:24.819 --> 03:12:26.540
only between a man and a woman. That's what it

03:12:26.540 --> 03:12:29.799
means. It's a made -up thing. Jamie brought it

03:12:29.799 --> 03:12:33.979
up after Matt Walsh had left. He and I had a

03:12:33.979 --> 03:12:35.799
conversation where, Jamie, you brought up, wasn't

03:12:35.799 --> 03:12:40.120
Nero married to a man? All the Greeks. Or Romans.

03:12:40.239 --> 03:12:42.340
Yeah, yeah. It goes back to ancient Greece. Same

03:12:42.340 --> 03:12:44.840
thing. Yeah, I think it said he had two husbands

03:12:44.840 --> 03:12:47.319
or boyfriends or something like that. Nero? Yeah,

03:12:47.379 --> 03:12:50.760
why not? More pleasure. Well, there's a big difference

03:12:50.760 --> 03:12:52.420
between husbands and boyfriends. Boyfriends go

03:12:52.420 --> 03:12:54.020
fuck themselves. The husbands get a piece of

03:12:54.020 --> 03:12:59.069
the booty. I mean, by that, I mean loot. Pirate's

03:12:59.069 --> 03:13:04.750
booty. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was an accident.

03:13:05.190 --> 03:13:06.770
I don't know if that's where booty comes from.

03:13:07.030 --> 03:13:10.270
Yeah, maybe. Like the booty hole. No. Maybe.

03:13:10.629 --> 03:13:17.329
Hey, we got seizure. Julius seizure. This is

03:13:17.329 --> 03:13:21.649
too much. The perfect amount. Here it is. Roman

03:13:21.649 --> 03:13:23.829
homosexuality was not expressed with romantic

03:13:23.829 --> 03:13:27.450
love, but with riotous orgies. It's often linked

03:13:27.450 --> 03:13:30.430
to notorious Emperor Nero, a hedonistic ruler

03:13:30.430 --> 03:13:34.030
who married both women and men. A man who is

03:13:34.030 --> 03:13:36.190
believed to have enjoyed penetrating as much

03:13:36.190 --> 03:13:40.170
as he enjoyed being penetrated by his well -endowed

03:13:40.170 --> 03:13:44.270
husband. Romo. He just went after it. Nero just

03:13:44.270 --> 03:13:47.549
went after it. Good for him. Live it up. Enjoy

03:13:47.549 --> 03:13:52.780
your life. Also, at that time of the world, that

03:13:52.780 --> 03:13:54.920
was way more common. So why do you think that

03:13:54.920 --> 03:13:56.700
is? I could be wrong, but with Nero, I think

03:13:56.700 --> 03:13:59.239
a lot of it could be... Historians have looked

03:13:59.239 --> 03:14:01.079
back at him and been like, maybe that was political

03:14:01.079 --> 03:14:04.860
smearing. Like all the rumors we have about him.

03:14:05.280 --> 03:14:08.459
He was Nazi, he did all this. Oh, really? Yeah,

03:14:08.600 --> 03:14:10.659
he was a fucking gay guy, he fucked a bunch.

03:14:11.940 --> 03:14:13.920
Interesting. It's just the enemy's propaganda

03:14:13.920 --> 03:14:16.319
survived. But there are paintings of some real...

03:14:16.520 --> 03:14:19.540
gay shit this is what I'm saying like for back

03:14:19.540 --> 03:14:22.260
in the day I mean for lack of a better technical

03:14:22.260 --> 03:14:28.639
term yes yes paintings of some gay shit I sound

03:14:28.639 --> 03:14:34.479
like a black guy but yeah yeah no it's always

03:14:34.479 --> 03:14:37.479
existed it's existing like someone sent me something

03:14:37.479 --> 03:14:40.979
existing like More than 100 different animals,

03:14:41.239 --> 03:14:43.760
isn't it? But we're the only... I just saw a

03:14:43.760 --> 03:14:45.200
video of some kid talking about it. He said 1

03:14:45.200 --> 03:14:47.819
,500 in that video. 1 ,500 different animals

03:14:47.819 --> 03:14:50.280
are homosexual. And none of them are homophobic,

03:14:50.360 --> 03:14:54.500
except us. I knew your dog was gay, dude. That

03:14:54.500 --> 03:14:58.079
dog's a girl, bro. They can be gay. He's a butt

03:14:58.079 --> 03:15:01.879
bandit. He's a butt bandit. Maybe. I don't care.

03:15:01.920 --> 03:15:05.020
I'll embrace him. Aw, you're a sweetie. Yeah,

03:15:05.020 --> 03:15:08.399
there you go. You can't come to the house anymore

03:15:08.399 --> 03:15:09.979
if you haven't embraced my gay dog. Dogs lick

03:15:09.979 --> 03:15:11.559
their own butthole. They lick their own balls.

03:15:11.739 --> 03:15:13.879
Your dog waits outside the door of the bathroom.

03:15:14.379 --> 03:15:19.459
Only a rescue dog ever would. She was born into

03:15:19.459 --> 03:15:23.280
captivity. Her mom was rescued when she was pregnant.

03:15:24.360 --> 03:15:27.260
Skips a generation. Her mom was rescued when

03:15:27.260 --> 03:15:29.239
she was pregnant. Yeah, so she never had any

03:15:29.239 --> 03:15:31.139
trauma. So it's not a rescue. No, so it's not?

03:15:31.500 --> 03:15:33.819
It's not a rescue? It's from a rescue, but it

03:15:33.819 --> 03:15:35.979
was born into a rescue. Well, when did you get

03:15:35.979 --> 03:15:37.979
her? How old was she when you got her? A month.

03:15:38.440 --> 03:15:41.159
A month? Yeah, maybe two. So she was in this

03:15:41.159 --> 03:15:43.879
rescue shelter for a month? Yeah. That alone?

03:15:44.719 --> 03:15:46.780
Maybe. Yeah, no, for sure. No, they were great.

03:15:46.840 --> 03:15:49.000
They loved her. I'm sure they're great. I'm sure

03:15:49.000 --> 03:15:50.399
they're great. Yeah, we got the whole litter.

03:15:50.459 --> 03:15:52.520
They were all having such a blast, man, in some

03:15:52.520 --> 03:15:55.159
lady's apartment. It was a big apartment. They're

03:15:55.159 --> 03:15:56.239
probably too young to know that. Oh, it's an

03:15:56.239 --> 03:15:58.420
apartment. Yeah. There was a good time there

03:15:58.420 --> 03:16:00.520
at that shelter. They were having a blast. I

03:16:00.520 --> 03:16:01.860
have not been there in the same life. That's

03:16:01.860 --> 03:16:04.559
good. Well, the dog just loves you then. The

03:16:04.559 --> 03:16:07.459
dog just sits outside. I had it in my head. I

03:16:07.459 --> 03:16:09.620
had a narrative all made up. Wrong. Because it

03:16:09.620 --> 03:16:11.239
was a rescue dog. You probably got it when it

03:16:11.239 --> 03:16:13.799
was three months old. It's the best, dude. You

03:16:13.799 --> 03:16:15.719
come out. I've been in here for two hours. And

03:16:15.719 --> 03:16:20.000
she's like, what's up? I'm like, yes. Oh, yeah.

03:16:20.120 --> 03:16:22.819
It's the best feeling. How old is she? Three,

03:16:22.819 --> 03:16:24.620
just over three. And you've had her since she

03:16:24.620 --> 03:16:28.260
was? Three years old. So late August to like

03:16:28.260 --> 03:16:30.819
late November. So was she like six weeks old

03:16:30.819 --> 03:16:32.780
or something like right after? Yeah. Right when

03:16:32.780 --> 03:16:34.780
you could take the puppy? Yeah. Was it like right

03:16:34.780 --> 03:16:35.659
when you could take the puppy? That's the best.

03:16:35.979 --> 03:16:38.870
Yeah. Good for you. You're happy. You got a special.

03:16:39.270 --> 03:16:42.190
You're ugly. I mean, you're doing great. I'm

03:16:42.190 --> 03:16:44.149
just saying, you know, I had to throw something

03:16:44.149 --> 03:16:46.629
in there. But I'm glad to see you happy. I'm

03:16:46.629 --> 03:16:51.389
all shroomed up. That dog is the love. That dog

03:16:51.389 --> 03:16:52.670
loves you, man. There's a lot of love. There

03:16:52.670 --> 03:16:54.790
is a lot of love. Yeah. I'll be honest, guys.

03:16:54.909 --> 03:16:57.010
I fucking love you guys. Jamie, I can do without

03:16:57.010 --> 03:17:04.420
you. All right. Deleted. Jamie. Jamie. I accidentally

03:17:04.420 --> 03:17:05.959
deleted everything. Jamie, do you remember when

03:17:05.959 --> 03:17:08.200
Michigan played Ohio State? All right. That's

03:17:08.200 --> 03:17:11.639
a little blow. Bring that up. Don't bring up

03:17:11.639 --> 03:17:14.620
Ohio State. You fucking jerk. I find it hilarious

03:17:14.620 --> 03:17:18.399
when dudes get very hurt about a team where they

03:17:18.399 --> 03:17:21.780
don't even live in that place anymore. I fucking

03:17:21.780 --> 03:17:23.940
love it, dude. It gives you hope. I think it's

03:17:23.940 --> 03:17:26.799
fun. That's what I root for. Is that the one

03:17:26.799 --> 03:17:29.500
you brought up? Ohio State. I was at that. Oh,

03:17:29.500 --> 03:17:32.139
really? What'd you say? Waste your time? The

03:17:32.139 --> 03:17:35.040
Cut Guys. I had a great time. Ohio Stadium is

03:17:35.040 --> 03:17:38.600
class, dude. Bunch of class acts in fucking Columbus,

03:17:38.739 --> 03:17:41.920
Ohio. That's a good city. All roads lead to Columbus.

03:17:42.700 --> 03:17:45.420
Really? Yeah, family ties. Columbus, Ohio. Oh.

03:17:46.879 --> 03:17:51.200
Now you're showing your age there. Yeah. What

03:17:51.200 --> 03:17:54.899
do they have there? It's not a punchline. The

03:17:54.899 --> 03:17:57.739
best funny bone is in Columbus. That's a great

03:17:57.739 --> 03:17:59.579
funny bone. It's the flagship. That's a great

03:17:59.579 --> 03:18:03.659
find. God hates flags. Have you ever seen the

03:18:03.659 --> 03:18:06.020
All Roads Lead to Rome? Keep it in. Keep it in.

03:18:06.040 --> 03:18:07.920
What? Like, All Roads Lead to Rome. I don't know

03:18:07.920 --> 03:18:10.760
how exaggerated this is. Oh, my God. Wow. Is

03:18:10.760 --> 03:18:13.659
this real? I've seen this going around. It could

03:18:13.659 --> 03:18:16.239
be exaggerated. Every road? Darkened some lines

03:18:16.239 --> 03:18:18.579
and whatnot, you know? Looks like my ex -wife's

03:18:18.579 --> 03:18:28.440
legs. Boink. I'm so fucked up. if that's really

03:18:28.440 --> 03:18:32.100
how the romans traveled is that really how they

03:18:32.100 --> 03:18:34.379
travel i think that's sort of like how they travel

03:18:34.379 --> 03:18:36.100
and then those now have turned into modern day

03:18:36.100 --> 03:18:38.840
roads and highways and jesus christ that's awesome

03:18:38.840 --> 03:18:41.079
it looks like arteries do you think that pattern

03:18:41.079 --> 03:18:43.860
just exists yeah with everything it exists with

03:18:43.860 --> 03:18:48.290
blood oh whoa Oh, kooky. Yeah, I feel like this

03:18:48.290 --> 03:18:48.930
picture's exaggerated. That's just how you draw.

03:18:49.129 --> 03:18:51.030
You can do all roads lead to fucking the Czech

03:18:51.030 --> 03:18:53.090
Republic if you wanted. I think they exaggerated

03:18:53.090 --> 03:18:55.270
this a lot because they darkened the middle lines

03:18:55.270 --> 03:18:57.909
and made it look like Vans of a Leaf. The same

03:18:57.909 --> 03:19:00.110
with Boston. It all comes back to Boston. It's

03:19:00.110 --> 03:19:05.120
all these outside stuff, Worcester. I'm reaching.

03:19:06.020 --> 03:19:12.200
What? Jack Reacher. No, he pulled it on you.

03:19:12.319 --> 03:19:16.020
Reacher Lawson. I asked the guy, why are the

03:19:16.020 --> 03:19:18.280
Boston comics so it's like Patrice and Louie

03:19:18.280 --> 03:19:20.360
and Stano, but all these guys, Dane Cook and

03:19:20.360 --> 03:19:22.819
Gary Goldman just keep going rogue. It's just

03:19:22.819 --> 03:19:24.799
so many Boston guys. And he said, well, it's

03:19:24.799 --> 03:19:27.219
because of the outside towns. We act like it's

03:19:27.219 --> 03:19:29.100
Boston, but it's all the outside. But I'm like,

03:19:29.100 --> 03:19:32.139
still, that's insane. It's a lot. Well, that's

03:19:32.139 --> 03:19:33.579
enough people to provide. That's still pretty

03:19:33.579 --> 03:19:36.520
good for one outside. The reason why it got so

03:19:36.520 --> 03:19:39.000
good is because there was a core guys of really

03:19:39.000 --> 03:19:41.959
funny guys in the early 80s. And everybody just

03:19:41.959 --> 03:19:44.979
kind of like imitated them. And that was like

03:19:44.979 --> 03:19:47.979
Barry Crimmins and Lenny Clark and Don Gavin

03:19:47.979 --> 03:19:51.459
and those fucking animals. Sweeney, yeah. Mike

03:19:51.459 --> 03:19:54.639
Donovan. Those guys back in that Chinese restaurant,

03:19:54.760 --> 03:19:56.940
the Ding Ho, they like established comedy there.

03:19:57.040 --> 03:19:58.860
It was a place called the Ding Ho. Apparently

03:19:58.860 --> 03:20:00.979
it was the shit. And the guy lost. Lost it in

03:20:00.979 --> 03:20:05.420
a gambling match. Really? Gambled away all the

03:20:05.420 --> 03:20:07.260
money. They had to close the place down. But

03:20:07.260 --> 03:20:09.860
the place was the shit. I miss that era. But

03:20:09.860 --> 03:20:12.500
that era produced these comics that were so fucking

03:20:12.500 --> 03:20:15.079
funny. And you'd go to see guys like Don Gavin

03:20:15.079 --> 03:20:17.079
live. You'd be like, holy shit, I should just

03:20:17.079 --> 03:20:19.959
quit comedy. That guy was so fucking funny. Dude,

03:20:20.020 --> 03:20:23.299
you would see him murder in the 80s and the 90s.

03:20:23.299 --> 03:20:24.899
You'd be like, I should just quit. Like, why

03:20:24.899 --> 03:20:26.940
am I doing this? Why isn't he famous? I guess

03:20:26.940 --> 03:20:27.799
he never left. Is he the one in Louie's movie?

03:20:27.940 --> 03:20:30.239
He never left. In Joe's movie? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

03:20:30.799 --> 03:20:33.760
I met him. He's nice. He's a great guy. Louie's

03:20:33.760 --> 03:20:35.739
bag. He just never left. There's a lot of those

03:20:35.739 --> 03:20:37.899
guys who just never left. Never left. And it

03:20:37.899 --> 03:20:40.920
was pre -YouTube. It was pre -YouTube. They couldn't

03:20:40.920 --> 03:20:44.059
get specials. And, you know, in town, they were

03:20:44.059 --> 03:20:46.120
the funniest people you'd ever seen in your life.

03:20:46.399 --> 03:20:50.079
They were so good. And they made a great living

03:20:50.079 --> 03:20:53.559
in Boston. And they shattered the whole nebbishy

03:20:53.559 --> 03:20:56.879
thing. These Woody Allen kind of Jewy, like,

03:20:56.959 --> 03:20:59.260
oh, we're all awkward and uncomfortable. And

03:20:59.260 --> 03:21:01.120
they're like, no, no, we're doing blow. These

03:21:01.120 --> 03:21:03.860
guys were all six foot two, punching each other,

03:21:03.979 --> 03:21:07.239
doing coke, fighting with the cops. They were

03:21:07.239 --> 03:21:10.639
wild people, man. They were wild people. That's

03:21:10.639 --> 03:21:13.780
why I got into comedy. It was a different sort

03:21:13.780 --> 03:21:16.659
of thing in Boston. And it was because of those

03:21:16.659 --> 03:21:19.059
guys. These people that started out in the beginning.

03:21:19.239 --> 03:21:21.510
And then, oddly enough, Stephen Wright. Oh, yeah.

03:21:21.690 --> 03:21:23.329
He's great. He was the outsider there. Stephen

03:21:23.329 --> 03:21:25.450
Wright popped on The Tonight Show, and everybody

03:21:25.450 --> 03:21:27.649
was like, what is going on in Boston? And then

03:21:27.649 --> 03:21:29.090
all these other guys were like, when is my turn

03:21:29.090 --> 03:21:30.530
coming up? There's a great documentary about

03:21:30.530 --> 03:21:32.110
it, When Stand -Ups Stood Out. That's right.

03:21:32.350 --> 03:21:34.129
Yeah, because he was so the opposite of those

03:21:34.129 --> 03:21:36.569
guys. What? You ever saw it? When Stand -Ups

03:21:36.569 --> 03:21:38.569
Stood Out? Yeah. You should watch it. That's

03:21:38.569 --> 03:21:40.989
a fun one. It's amazing. It's Fran Salamita did

03:21:40.989 --> 03:21:44.459
it. He was a comic from Boston, and he made this

03:21:44.459 --> 03:21:46.600
documentary. Must watch. And it's just all about

03:21:46.600 --> 03:21:48.639
that era where everybody was, like, scrambling

03:21:48.639 --> 03:21:52.340
to get on television. Gold Rush. Yeah. Yeah,

03:21:52.399 --> 03:21:53.840
there was a lot of great comics. That's when

03:21:53.840 --> 03:21:55.340
they do the whole, how do you want to get paid,

03:21:55.440 --> 03:21:57.979
white or green? Wow. They said it to me. Really?

03:21:58.020 --> 03:21:59.500
They said it to me, yeah. You want to get paid

03:21:59.500 --> 03:22:01.659
in Coke or cash? I'm like, just give me the money.

03:22:01.799 --> 03:22:03.620
Coke every time. I just want money, man. Yeah,

03:22:03.700 --> 03:22:08.600
I can buy Coke. But they sold it. Coke every

03:22:08.600 --> 03:22:11.860
time? Yeah, they sold it. Every fucking dude,

03:22:11.879 --> 03:22:15.020
two weeks. He's done it three times. I need some

03:22:15.020 --> 03:22:17.319
green, actually. Turns out I need green. Yeah,

03:22:17.319 --> 03:22:20.739
yeah. I gotta buy groceries. Who here has done

03:22:20.739 --> 03:22:25.340
Coke and then gone on stage? Nope. Jamie? No,

03:22:25.360 --> 03:22:28.620
Jamie. No, not before on stage. Never. Joey said

03:22:28.620 --> 03:22:31.040
it was the worst. It was the worst. Adderall's

03:22:31.040 --> 03:22:32.420
the worst. Because it wears off. I think it's

03:22:32.420 --> 03:22:34.879
similar. Adderall sucks. But coke will wear off

03:22:34.879 --> 03:22:37.760
in 15 minutes. Then you're on stage on a comedown.

03:22:37.959 --> 03:22:40.540
I don't think that's what Joey was saying. Joey

03:22:40.540 --> 03:22:43.659
was saying that there's no love, Joe Rogan. Yeah.

03:22:43.799 --> 03:22:45.760
There's no connection with those people. You're

03:22:45.760 --> 03:22:49.219
just the coked up maniac. You're not making any

03:22:49.219 --> 03:22:50.979
connections with those people. Yeah, but what

03:22:50.979 --> 03:22:53.420
about... Robin Williams was all coked up. He

03:22:53.420 --> 03:22:55.200
was all coked up. And Pryor, apparently. Good

03:22:55.200 --> 03:22:58.079
point. Yeah, but... They were a good point. We

03:22:58.079 --> 03:23:00.180
gotta ask him. I don't think Pryor was getting

03:23:00.180 --> 03:23:02.420
coked up before he was performing. Like, when

03:23:02.420 --> 03:23:04.639
he did Live at the time of this trip. He was

03:23:04.639 --> 03:23:06.559
ready. He was on coke. He had a party waiting

03:23:06.559 --> 03:23:09.579
for him when he got off. He ready. Robin Williams,

03:23:09.579 --> 03:23:11.920
though, was on stage on it, for sure. Oh, yeah.

03:23:12.319 --> 03:23:14.840
You think Kinnison was? Yeah, I think so. Later,

03:23:14.840 --> 03:23:16.559
maybe. Maybe later. That's why he got back. Yeah,

03:23:16.579 --> 03:23:18.959
is that what we just saw? Yeah. He was yacked

03:23:18.959 --> 03:23:21.270
up. You think so? Did you have that confidence?

03:23:21.309 --> 03:23:24.549
He seemed calm. I think that was just him murdering

03:23:24.549 --> 03:23:26.610
at the comedy store every fucking night for years.

03:23:26.610 --> 03:23:28.430
He seemed calm. The guy told him beforehand,

03:23:28.489 --> 03:23:31.149
he's like, dude, we're going to let you go. That's

03:23:31.149 --> 03:23:33.129
huge. Just be yourself here. That's huge. Yeah,

03:23:33.510 --> 03:23:35.709
before Shed's Wild. He took all those great bits

03:23:35.709 --> 03:23:37.309
and took the cuss words out, and they were still

03:23:37.309 --> 03:23:39.829
great. Yeah, true. They were great bits, man.

03:23:39.969 --> 03:23:42.370
I didn't even realize how many bits he had done

03:23:42.370 --> 03:23:44.649
on that show. There was a lot of fucks in that

03:23:44.649 --> 03:23:46.930
bit. Oh, yeah. That he took out. He took out

03:23:46.930 --> 03:23:53.229
and still murdered. Look at my face. Ow! But

03:23:53.229 --> 03:23:55.329
then Letterman years later wouldn't let Hicks

03:23:55.329 --> 03:23:58.190
do his joke. And so he's like, what happened,

03:23:58.370 --> 03:24:00.930
man? He flipped. He cut his whole set, right?

03:24:01.149 --> 03:24:03.530
Yeah, the Billy Ray Cyrus chunk. Why? They cut

03:24:03.530 --> 03:24:05.750
his whole set because he had an abortion bit.

03:24:05.950 --> 03:24:09.409
Abortion. Yeah. And so he was in his hotel. It

03:24:09.409 --> 03:24:13.670
is amoral. Enjoying a cigar in the bathtub. Yeah.

03:24:13.969 --> 03:24:16.670
Who was? Bill Hicks, when he found out about

03:24:16.670 --> 03:24:20.329
it. So he did his set. Did what he wanted to

03:24:20.329 --> 03:24:23.450
do. The material went great. Killed. Goes back.

03:24:24.549 --> 03:24:27.569
Makes a bath. Lines in there. The old Whitney

03:24:27.569 --> 03:24:29.889
Houston. Lighten a cigar. Enjoying themselves.

03:24:30.010 --> 03:24:31.770
Like, fucking we did it. Giving themselves a

03:24:31.770 --> 03:24:33.850
little bit of pleasure. And then he finds out.

03:24:34.010 --> 03:24:36.110
They're cutting it. This is the rumor. Wow. I

03:24:36.110 --> 03:24:38.309
mean, this is the folklore that that is how it

03:24:38.309 --> 03:24:40.569
went down. Let's go with that because it's a

03:24:40.569 --> 03:24:43.190
great way. And they were like, no, your thing.

03:24:43.329 --> 03:24:44.350
They're still fighting you. I think I read it

03:24:44.350 --> 03:24:48.930
in an article. Mm -hmm. Wow. You know. Why would

03:24:48.930 --> 03:24:51.090
they cut it? Because of abortion. Because the

03:24:51.090 --> 03:24:53.329
country at the time was like... Hell yeah. The

03:24:53.329 --> 03:24:56.770
90s. That guy always had something to say. Whether

03:24:56.770 --> 03:24:58.469
you thought it was the funniest thing you've

03:24:58.469 --> 03:25:01.729
ever heard before or not, that's not... But...

03:25:02.090 --> 03:25:04.450
He fucking always had something to say. Yeah,

03:25:04.450 --> 03:25:06.489
yeah, yeah. His bits always had something to

03:25:06.489 --> 03:25:08.870
say. To the point where you would walk away and

03:25:08.870 --> 03:25:10.989
you're like, what am I doing? How come I don't

03:25:10.989 --> 03:25:14.329
have anything to say? People would question how

03:25:14.329 --> 03:25:16.610
they were doing comedy after they'd see him do

03:25:16.610 --> 03:25:18.489
comedy. A lot of bad copycats. To the point where

03:25:18.489 --> 03:25:21.309
the punchline in Atlanta, they had a thing in

03:25:21.309 --> 03:25:23.370
the green room that said, quit being Hicks. Quit

03:25:23.370 --> 03:25:25.469
trying to be Hicks. Yeah, exactly. You're not

03:25:25.469 --> 03:25:27.969
him. A lot of copies. That's right. So many guys

03:25:27.969 --> 03:25:31.469
wanted to be profound. They saw this guy. But

03:25:31.469 --> 03:25:33.430
it's like, get the fucking jokes in. But you've

03:25:33.430 --> 03:25:35.090
got to be funny, too. Get the fucking jokes in.

03:25:35.329 --> 03:25:36.889
You've got to be funny, too. You can't just be

03:25:36.889 --> 03:25:39.530
the preacher in Lawson. Yeah. Yeah. You know,

03:25:39.590 --> 03:25:44.090
like, I like preacher. But I'm just saying, people

03:25:44.090 --> 03:25:47.430
got too important. Too important. Yeah. I tried

03:25:47.430 --> 03:25:48.950
doing this with this special. I was like, you've

03:25:48.950 --> 03:25:51.229
got to follow Norman at the style of this thing.

03:25:51.329 --> 03:25:52.290
You've got to be able to follow. These have to

03:25:52.290 --> 03:25:55.110
be normal jokes that follow everybody. Hey. Well,

03:25:55.170 --> 03:25:57.559
that's why it works so well. But I think back

03:25:57.559 --> 03:26:00.340
then, there wasn't enough information about where

03:26:00.340 --> 03:26:03.659
the art form was going. And so, like, people

03:26:03.659 --> 03:26:05.600
were just trying stuff, and it hadn't been done

03:26:05.600 --> 03:26:07.479
before. You got to be like, Kinison branches

03:26:07.479 --> 03:26:09.520
out, never been done before. You have this new

03:26:09.520 --> 03:26:12.149
guy, and then he... comes along with Kinison.

03:26:12.510 --> 03:26:14.969
He's in that Outlaws of Comedy. So Kinison and

03:26:14.969 --> 03:26:16.690
Hicks hung out together. That's why they have

03:26:16.690 --> 03:26:19.309
similar facial features. Yeah. You see like in

03:26:19.309 --> 03:26:21.469
that bit. Right. It's very similar to the way,

03:26:21.510 --> 03:26:24.729
when I first saw Kinison and then I saw Hicks,

03:26:24.770 --> 03:26:26.610
I saw Hicks at the Comedy Connection and I was

03:26:26.610 --> 03:26:28.690
like, wow, a lot of the sounds he makes are like

03:26:28.690 --> 03:26:30.649
the same kind of sounds. They just hung out a

03:26:30.649 --> 03:26:32.590
lot. Yeah, they hung out a lot. Oh, yeah. So

03:26:32.590 --> 03:26:35.049
they, you know, whoever knows, I don't know who

03:26:35.049 --> 03:26:38.010
was the originator of it, but Hicks was very

03:26:38.010 --> 03:26:40.920
original. Oh, yeah. Oh, 100%. And the way he

03:26:40.920 --> 03:26:43.059
was writing, man. Like, that young man on acid

03:26:43.059 --> 03:26:46.100
bit. Yeah. What's that one? You know that bit?

03:26:46.200 --> 03:26:49.200
Uh -uh. Oh, my God. Google Bill Hicks, young

03:26:49.200 --> 03:26:53.000
man on acid. It's a fucking genius bit. His closer

03:26:53.000 --> 03:26:55.059
on the banning. What'd you find? I found the

03:26:55.059 --> 03:26:57.100
article about him getting banned and being irate.

03:26:57.100 --> 03:26:59.879
Oh, there you go. This is like, here's the title,

03:26:59.979 --> 03:27:02.479
Comic Irate. Yeah. Look at these ads. Does it

03:27:02.479 --> 03:27:04.159
say that he found out while he was in the tub?

03:27:04.200 --> 03:27:07.120
What a downer these ads are up top. Yeah. Just

03:27:07.120 --> 03:27:10.719
ugly women. The screen's a downer. He's in his

03:27:10.719 --> 03:27:13.620
hotel room, yeah. I'm pretty sure he was in the

03:27:13.620 --> 03:27:16.530
bathtub with a cigar. It said Dave gave him a

03:27:16.530 --> 03:27:18.430
half a Vanna cigar during the break. Yeah, that

03:27:18.430 --> 03:27:20.590
was it. He decided to smoke that cigar in his

03:27:20.590 --> 03:27:23.010
hotel room. Robert Morton called him up and said

03:27:23.010 --> 03:27:25.969
that Hicks' six -minute set touched too many

03:27:25.969 --> 03:27:29.610
hot spots and in order to act, Hicks said Morton

03:27:29.610 --> 03:27:32.649
told him. According to Hicks, Morton said he

03:27:32.649 --> 03:27:35.850
fought tooth and nail to save it. Late show representatives,

03:27:36.209 --> 03:27:38.229
meanwhile, are saying for the record that the

03:27:38.229 --> 03:27:40.549
decision was a joint one between the network

03:27:40.549 --> 03:27:44.329
and the show's producers. It was just that it

03:27:44.329 --> 03:27:46.629
didn't fit into the show's set of standards,

03:27:46.930 --> 03:27:50.450
said the late show spokeswoman Rosemary Keenan.

03:27:50.610 --> 03:27:53.010
Bill Hicks said the show's producers had reviewed

03:27:53.010 --> 03:27:56.069
and okayed his set a week before when he was

03:27:56.069 --> 03:27:58.950
bumped for time constraints from an earlier program.

03:27:59.090 --> 03:28:01.549
He blames the network for what he considers a

03:28:01.549 --> 03:28:05.190
blatant act of censorship. And he says, Hicks

03:28:05.190 --> 03:28:07.309
said, it's absolutely stunning to me the contempt

03:28:07.309 --> 03:28:10.389
in which the network holds the audience. Hicks

03:28:10.389 --> 03:28:13.129
said, the idea that these people have standards

03:28:13.129 --> 03:28:17.690
is laughable. Nice, dude. He said, I performed

03:28:17.690 --> 03:28:19.950
this stuff for my mom on her porch in Little

03:28:19.950 --> 03:28:22.739
Rock, Arkansas. He said, I even wore a delightful

03:28:22.739 --> 03:28:26.219
new outfit with fall colors. I didn't wear black.

03:28:26.780 --> 03:28:29.340
He's mocking them. He's like, fuck you. I get

03:28:29.340 --> 03:28:32.319
it. I'm done. Diet of cancer. Eat shit. Well,

03:28:32.340 --> 03:28:35.840
that was also one of his last sets, right? Yeah,

03:28:35.920 --> 03:28:37.780
that was a big moment for him. Oh, really? Yeah,

03:28:37.879 --> 03:28:41.340
it was one of his last sets. Oh, damn. He smoked

03:28:41.340 --> 03:28:44.860
like a chimney. Yeah, I knew that. Damn. Pancreatic.

03:28:44.860 --> 03:28:47.520
You ever see the documentary on him where he's

03:28:47.520 --> 03:28:51.100
a kid? I think he's 14, maybe? Doing stand -up.

03:28:51.139 --> 03:28:53.200
And he's funny. Really? He's doing impressions

03:28:53.200 --> 03:28:56.219
of his teachers, and it's killing. I think when

03:28:56.219 --> 03:28:58.360
you're a guy like that, and you're traveling

03:28:58.360 --> 03:29:00.180
around the world, you're constantly creating,

03:29:00.440 --> 03:29:04.879
and you're constantly trying to figure out a

03:29:04.879 --> 03:29:07.260
way to entertain yourself and entertain people

03:29:07.260 --> 03:29:10.260
at the same time, and you're really smart, and

03:29:10.260 --> 03:29:11.659
you're working with a lot of people that are

03:29:11.659 --> 03:29:14.690
doing really dumb shit. But that's what you get.

03:29:14.809 --> 03:29:18.170
Yeah. You get a guy that's just like, I'm happy

03:29:18.170 --> 03:29:21.350
to fill your lives with entertainment you couldn't

03:29:21.350 --> 03:29:23.670
possibly think up yourself. He's just too on

03:29:23.670 --> 03:29:25.229
another level. And he would say that and just

03:29:25.229 --> 03:29:28.870
strut on stage like that. Yeah. And he did hell

03:29:28.870 --> 03:29:31.870
gigs. Oh, my God. I watched him bomb at the Knicks

03:29:31.870 --> 03:29:35.510
comedy stop. Really? Oh, my God. Bomb. Me and

03:29:35.510 --> 03:29:38.549
Greg Fitzsimmons watched him bomb. Cleared the

03:29:38.549 --> 03:29:40.770
room. There's a guy named Larry Norton, comic

03:29:40.770 --> 03:29:44.780
on a Harley. And Larry Norton, I guarantee that

03:29:44.780 --> 03:29:47.020
guy's murdered. That's a good tour. That's a

03:29:47.020 --> 03:29:50.280
good tour. Definitely. Good guy, too. Very nice

03:29:50.280 --> 03:29:53.440
guy. But, you know, he's doing, like, cartoon

03:29:53.440 --> 03:29:55.920
characters. He had, like, bits about cartoon

03:29:55.920 --> 03:29:58.219
characters smoking pot and shit. He's murdering.

03:29:58.799 --> 03:30:02.360
And then Hicks goes on afterwards and, I mean,

03:30:02.440 --> 03:30:05.010
clears the room. clears the room there was like

03:30:05.010 --> 03:30:07.790
50 people left and we were dying 50 people left

03:30:07.790 --> 03:30:10.309
we were dying and he never once cracked like

03:30:10.309 --> 03:30:12.950
it never looked like it bothered him in the slightest

03:30:12.950 --> 03:30:15.549
but was it funny yeah it was funny man it was

03:30:15.549 --> 03:30:18.399
funny we were laughing we were laughing Fitzsimmons

03:30:18.399 --> 03:30:21.059
and I were laughing. It was ridiculous. He was

03:30:21.059 --> 03:30:23.799
funny, man. And he didn't lose his timing. He

03:30:23.799 --> 03:30:26.700
didn't lose his composure. Like, I've had bombings

03:30:26.700 --> 03:30:27.819
before. He was playing to his audience, which

03:30:27.819 --> 03:30:30.100
was you guys in the back. Yeah, there was definitely

03:30:30.100 --> 03:30:32.239
that. And there was 50 people still in the audience.

03:30:32.299 --> 03:30:34.379
I really did enjoy it for just young people that

03:30:34.379 --> 03:30:36.649
were kind of wild. But it was something happened

03:30:36.649 --> 03:30:39.010
between the shift from Larry Norton comic on

03:30:39.010 --> 03:30:44.409
a Harley to Bill Hicks. The audience was just

03:30:44.409 --> 03:30:51.549
not ready. Nobody knew who Hicks was. Back then,

03:30:51.590 --> 03:30:57.610
Nick's Comedy Stop was the star. That was a gentle

03:30:57.610 --> 03:30:59.809
one. Nick's would set people up. They'd have

03:30:59.809 --> 03:31:02.069
Billy Crystal headline for the weekend, and they'd

03:31:02.069 --> 03:31:05.190
put Steve Sweeney, Don Gaffin, Lenny Clark. all

03:31:05.190 --> 03:31:08.329
these freaks are on in front of them and they

03:31:08.329 --> 03:31:11.209
would destroy these guys like the best headline

03:31:11.209 --> 03:31:13.149
as you ever saw in your life and they only have

03:31:13.149 --> 03:31:20.209
to do like 20 minutes that's him man do you think

03:31:20.209 --> 03:31:33.969
that's a way to watch nice guy by the way he

03:31:33.969 --> 03:31:39.559
goes He goes up and kills. And we had, it was

03:31:39.559 --> 03:31:41.920
like such a lesson in the composure of a guy

03:31:41.920 --> 03:31:44.659
bombing. Because, like, it never affected him.

03:31:45.120 --> 03:31:48.760
Like, it was wild. Because, you know, I've never

03:31:48.760 --> 03:31:50.700
bombed and not felt terrible. Like, wow, what's

03:31:50.700 --> 03:31:52.799
happening? That's the worst. You feel like your

03:31:52.799 --> 03:31:55.020
timing's off, you know. He just stayed in it.

03:31:55.180 --> 03:31:58.440
Yeah. He was like, I know. He was smiling. He

03:31:58.440 --> 03:32:01.959
was doing this bit where it's like John Davidson

03:32:01.959 --> 03:32:06.739
gets fucked up the ass. I already love it. John

03:32:06.739 --> 03:32:10.120
Davidson was the host of one of those shows.

03:32:10.139 --> 03:32:13.479
That's incredible. One of those shows. And he

03:32:13.479 --> 03:32:15.500
gets... Was it that one? Hollywood Squares. Hollywood

03:32:15.500 --> 03:32:17.940
Squares. So he gets fucked up the ass by the

03:32:17.940 --> 03:32:23.840
devil. And the devil implants his scaly semen

03:32:23.840 --> 03:32:26.139
inside his body. And then this guy has to shit

03:32:26.139 --> 03:32:29.700
it out on the toilet. And so as he's shitting

03:32:29.700 --> 03:32:32.700
it out on the toilet, Hicks is sitting there

03:32:32.700 --> 03:32:36.540
grunting. Shitting and shitting like... And he

03:32:36.540 --> 03:32:38.780
looks around and he goes, yeah, this usually

03:32:38.780 --> 03:32:43.340
clears the room. People are just getting up in

03:32:43.340 --> 03:32:48.559
droves. It was pretty wild. I'm sure you played

03:32:48.559 --> 03:32:51.379
the cunt video where he yelled it back. That's

03:32:51.379 --> 03:32:53.680
amazing. I just love the idea of an audience

03:32:53.680 --> 03:32:55.780
member going to his wife like, we should go,

03:32:55.879 --> 03:32:57.500
right? Like, yeah, it's not going to cool back

03:32:57.500 --> 03:33:03.399
down. Let's get the fuck out of here. How long

03:33:03.399 --> 03:33:05.899
is he going? No one knew what to do. It was long,

03:33:06.020 --> 03:33:14.420
too. You squat for like two minutes. Damn. That's

03:33:14.420 --> 03:33:17.420
bold. The commitment. Fitzsimmons and I were

03:33:17.420 --> 03:33:22.219
crying. We were prior. We were 21. We just started

03:33:22.219 --> 03:33:23.700
doing comedy. We were in the back of the room.

03:33:23.819 --> 03:33:25.879
Did he have friends there? I don't know, man.

03:33:26.319 --> 03:33:29.780
I was an open mic. He just loved what he was

03:33:29.780 --> 03:33:31.760
doing. I didn't know anybody. I didn't know who

03:33:31.760 --> 03:33:34.260
was connected to anybody. Was this it? This is

03:33:34.260 --> 03:33:36.000
the cunt video. No, this is the cunt video. This

03:33:36.000 --> 03:33:37.200
is classic. Where he yells at someone in the

03:33:37.200 --> 03:33:39.180
audience and she's a cunt. I typed in John Davidson.

03:33:39.219 --> 03:33:41.760
This is what popped up. Who's John Davidson?

03:33:41.760 --> 03:33:44.020
Oh, this is the bit? Yeah. Oh, yeah, this is

03:33:44.020 --> 03:33:53.340
the bit. He's like, what is this? That's where

03:33:53.340 --> 03:33:57.159
he's shitting out. Oh, my God. He just hated

03:33:57.159 --> 03:34:00.020
them. Well, you know, it was like fake contempt

03:34:00.020 --> 03:34:03.100
because he loved performing, you know? He can't

03:34:03.100 --> 03:34:06.420
be that good. He hated a version of them. He

03:34:06.420 --> 03:34:08.450
was like, they're probably in here. Well, he

03:34:08.450 --> 03:34:10.770
wanted to elevate their standards. And one of

03:34:10.770 --> 03:34:12.610
the ways you elevate someone's standards, if

03:34:12.610 --> 03:34:15.629
you're that guy. Mock it. You mock. You mock

03:34:15.629 --> 03:34:17.610
what you're doing. You mock, like, get your fucking

03:34:17.610 --> 03:34:20.030
shit together. Wear better clothes. Listen to

03:34:20.030 --> 03:34:23.370
better music. Shut the fuck up and get off TikTok.

03:34:24.750 --> 03:34:28.250
You know, in a lot of ways, Joey Diaz mirrors

03:34:28.250 --> 03:34:31.290
those. Those thoughts. Dude, one time me and

03:34:31.290 --> 03:34:33.069
Joey were at the La Jolla Comedy Store with Kelly

03:34:33.069 --> 03:34:34.930
Kirsten, and I was too dirty, and they were like,

03:34:34.950 --> 03:34:37.190
you could tell people were annoyed. And so then

03:34:37.190 --> 03:34:39.969
after me, Kelly was on stage, and some old couple

03:34:39.969 --> 03:34:42.690
was out in the side. Hold on, I got some more

03:34:42.690 --> 03:34:44.969
to kill. And they come out, and they're like,

03:34:45.110 --> 03:34:47.190
hey, this is just dirtier and dirtier. And Joey

03:34:47.190 --> 03:34:48.829
stands up and yells at them. He's like, get the

03:34:48.829 --> 03:34:51.309
fuck out. He hadn't even been on yet. He was

03:34:51.309 --> 03:34:53.950
like, we don't want you here. Beat it. Wow. Oh,

03:34:53.969 --> 03:34:55.829
it was great. I was some young comic. I was like,

03:34:55.870 --> 03:34:57.690
you can do that to people. Just get them out.

03:34:58.440 --> 03:34:59.940
Well, it's really easy to go, hey, they're walking

03:34:59.940 --> 03:35:02.940
away. I should change. I should not be that guy.

03:35:03.020 --> 03:35:04.719
The fucked up thing about comedy when you come

03:35:04.719 --> 03:35:06.860
into comedy and you don't know who's going to

03:35:06.860 --> 03:35:09.420
be there. If you go into the comedy store on

03:35:09.420 --> 03:35:11.219
a Tuesday night and you don't know any of the

03:35:11.219 --> 03:35:13.000
people's names, you're just going to go and hope

03:35:13.000 --> 03:35:16.559
you see comedy. The styles go up and down and

03:35:16.559 --> 03:35:19.420
different. Right. It's like, see, if you comment

03:35:19.420 --> 03:35:24.299
about that, you go, oh, I like this. How about

03:35:24.299 --> 03:35:27.780
last night? So am I, dude. I just came out of

03:35:27.780 --> 03:35:31.420
it. We all are. Rubbing my arm, I look up, you're

03:35:31.420 --> 03:35:33.620
like, well, the styles go up and down and they're

03:35:33.620 --> 03:35:38.319
different. I can't do it, dude. Shut up. You

03:35:38.319 --> 03:35:41.940
know what it's like? It's like music. Like, if

03:35:41.940 --> 03:35:44.239
you had just live music, no one would ever have

03:35:44.239 --> 03:35:46.920
live music where you have rap music next to country.

03:35:47.219 --> 03:35:51.659
That's nuts. Right? No, you're right. You have

03:35:51.659 --> 03:35:56.879
a rap guy, a reggae guy, a country. You would

03:35:56.879 --> 03:35:59.479
never have all that on one show without telling

03:35:59.479 --> 03:36:01.139
people what's going on. No, but you got Leslie

03:36:01.139 --> 03:36:03.739
Jones exited Jezelnik. It's like, what the fuck

03:36:03.739 --> 03:36:07.620
is this? And then Warland. Holtzman. Holtzman.

03:36:07.719 --> 03:36:10.540
I love that guy. He's a fucking beast. How's

03:36:10.540 --> 03:36:12.719
he doing? He's great. How does he pay the rent?

03:36:12.760 --> 03:36:15.440
Was he just at Skankfest? Oh, good. Yeah. He

03:36:15.440 --> 03:36:18.799
was, yeah. I saw a photo. He should be a national.

03:36:18.879 --> 03:36:21.340
There's no chance I'm doing stand -up. What do

03:36:21.340 --> 03:36:22.420
you mean? You're going to do it. Well, it's only

03:36:22.420 --> 03:36:25.899
5 .30. A show in three hours? That's not true.

03:36:25.959 --> 03:36:29.959
It's not 530. You'll be fine. Can we at least

03:36:29.959 --> 03:36:31.780
prep the crowd and let them know we've taken

03:36:31.780 --> 03:36:34.120
a lot of drugs? We'll be down by then. Three

03:36:34.120 --> 03:36:36.040
more hours and we'll be totally fine. 100 % sober.

03:36:36.100 --> 03:36:38.319
The booze may be. The booze may be a problem.

03:36:38.459 --> 03:36:42.040
We need booze. To stay even. Now we need it more

03:36:42.040 --> 03:36:43.280
than ever. Now is when we should switch to coffee.

03:36:43.399 --> 03:36:46.079
What time is it? 528? Ride the lightning, pussies.

03:36:47.090 --> 03:36:50.430
Let's go. I'm not going to go. Let's go. Joe,

03:36:50.450 --> 03:36:51.889
can you sell Ride the Lightning Pussy shirts?

03:36:52.389 --> 03:36:54.309
Yes. Ride the Lightning Pussy is going to be

03:36:54.309 --> 03:36:57.309
my new special. That's the name. I was going

03:36:57.309 --> 03:36:59.090
to call it Sacred Clown because that's the name

03:36:59.090 --> 03:37:00.309
of the tour, but now it's Ride the Lightning

03:37:00.309 --> 03:37:03.569
Pussy. I love it. Get a big unicorn. I don't

03:37:03.569 --> 03:37:06.530
know if I can be on Mushrooms. Son. In that green

03:37:06.530 --> 03:37:09.909
room. You can. You'll be down by then. We are.

03:37:10.149 --> 03:37:11.889
You'll be down by then. True. Bro, how about

03:37:11.889 --> 03:37:14.040
the green room we're setting up? That's incredible.

03:37:14.200 --> 03:37:16.020
That's a new place. That bar. Isn't it amazing?

03:37:16.020 --> 03:37:17.819
Shout out New Rogan Club. It's fucking great.

03:37:17.860 --> 03:37:20.340
It's a beauty. Holy fuck. It's a peach. People

03:37:20.340 --> 03:37:23.239
can't wait. When I walk around in it, man, I

03:37:23.239 --> 03:37:25.319
don't even believe it's real. The comedian's

03:37:25.319 --> 03:37:29.840
bar is... That's insane. That'll get shitty.

03:37:30.079 --> 03:37:31.659
Never been treated so well. That'll be a fun

03:37:31.659 --> 03:37:34.000
place. You said that. It wasn't me. It wasn't

03:37:34.000 --> 03:37:36.479
me. It wasn't me. One at every party. I'm going

03:37:36.479 --> 03:37:40.270
to fight you in there. For sure. What? Isn't

03:37:40.270 --> 03:37:42.870
that nice? You can see the building where we're

03:37:42.870 --> 03:37:45.709
all going to fight each other. Yeah. To the death.

03:37:46.250 --> 03:37:49.370
She was with me. There'll be a lot of that in

03:37:49.370 --> 03:37:53.530
there. I saw her first. Yeah, how do we do that

03:37:53.530 --> 03:37:55.250
with guys? How do we prevent all that stupid

03:37:55.250 --> 03:37:56.389
shit from happening? That's just going to happen.

03:37:56.450 --> 03:37:58.149
You're going to be like a take it outside policy.

03:37:58.469 --> 03:38:00.299
Yeah. Deal with this not in here. You know what

03:38:00.299 --> 03:38:03.020
you got to do? Learn to be fucking civil with

03:38:03.020 --> 03:38:04.680
each other. You got to fight on the tunnel. Fight

03:38:04.680 --> 03:38:06.000
in the tunnel. Go fight in the tunnel. Oh, man.

03:38:06.200 --> 03:38:08.299
Come down the tunnel. There's a slobber knocker

03:38:08.299 --> 03:38:10.600
going on. We should have boxing gloves down there.

03:38:11.219 --> 03:38:13.239
Let it out. Get it all out. That's not fair because

03:38:13.239 --> 03:38:16.280
then big guys would fuck small guys. Ah, good

03:38:16.280 --> 03:38:18.799
point. It's like Vikings. Steal their girls.

03:38:19.159 --> 03:38:21.969
There should be a take it outside policy. Come

03:38:21.969 --> 03:38:24.090
on, Todd Berry, put the fucking gloves on. I'm

03:38:24.090 --> 03:38:27.829
like, what? Put the gloves on. Boom. It's in

03:38:27.829 --> 03:38:29.409
the fucking alley. You know how horrible that

03:38:29.409 --> 03:38:31.670
is? That's a terrible idea. Get the fucking gloves

03:38:31.670 --> 03:38:34.250
out of here. That can never be an option. We'll

03:38:34.250 --> 03:38:38.829
just go tasers. Yeah, tase each other. Get it

03:38:38.829 --> 03:38:40.930
out. It's amazing how few people have tasers.

03:38:43.190 --> 03:38:45.030
You imagine. That should be something you have

03:38:45.030 --> 03:38:47.750
on you all the time. If some guy starts fucking

03:38:47.750 --> 03:38:49.309
with you, you can just shut him off with a button.

03:38:49.389 --> 03:38:51.950
Why don't you have that? My dad, my buddy's dad

03:38:51.950 --> 03:38:54.930
was a cop, and he had brought his taser out one

03:38:54.930 --> 03:38:58.930
night, and we had a blast. Fucking Louisiana

03:38:58.930 --> 03:39:01.750
tribe. Yeah, just trash. What a redneck you are.

03:39:01.850 --> 03:39:07.569
And a front lawn. One of the most Louisiana things

03:39:07.569 --> 03:39:12.090
ever said. You guys ever did that? We were studying.

03:39:12.350 --> 03:39:14.729
Did you guys ever do that? We were studying.

03:39:15.129 --> 03:39:17.889
We were like, do the lowest setting and you put

03:39:17.889 --> 03:39:20.290
your ankle out. He was studying. He was playing

03:39:20.290 --> 03:39:25.229
football. We had cow farms and you would go touch

03:39:25.229 --> 03:39:29.860
the fucking wires. No fucking way. There you

03:39:29.860 --> 03:39:31.600
see? That's where his eyes got close together.

03:39:31.760 --> 03:39:34.100
No. You're drinking. No, you touch the wire.

03:39:34.120 --> 03:39:35.500
You had injuries along with touching the wire.

03:39:35.540 --> 03:39:36.680
Were you trying to heal yourself? And then you

03:39:36.680 --> 03:39:39.780
hold hands with your friend to see how much you

03:39:39.780 --> 03:39:41.840
can all get shocked. Right. You connect. That's

03:39:41.840 --> 03:39:45.360
a connection. Yeah, yeah. Who's the first guy?

03:39:45.479 --> 03:39:48.159
No, he didn't. It's so fun. Did you really? Yeah.

03:39:48.159 --> 03:39:49.940
So you all held hands until one of them touched

03:39:49.940 --> 03:39:52.540
the wire? Until one of them was like, oh my God.

03:39:53.079 --> 03:39:54.620
Did anybody ever seizure? There's got to be a

03:39:54.620 --> 03:39:57.139
video of that. Did anybody ever seizure? No.

03:39:57.260 --> 03:39:59.329
Nothing. None of us had a seizure. But it was

03:39:59.329 --> 03:40:02.430
a real shock. Interesting. No one died. A Julius

03:40:02.430 --> 03:40:05.750
seizure? There you go. Good to have you back.

03:40:05.790 --> 03:40:10.610
Thank you for that knowledge. I would imagine

03:40:10.610 --> 03:40:13.190
that could fuck some people up. It's like everything

03:40:13.190 --> 03:40:15.510
else. Some people, a certain amount of Tylenol

03:40:15.510 --> 03:40:17.229
will kill you. Other people, you just take more.

03:40:17.229 --> 03:40:21.290
I take it every week. And Seroquel. Apparently

03:40:21.290 --> 03:40:23.709
it's not good. Apparently not. But we used to

03:40:23.709 --> 03:40:26.510
do, we used to steal shrooms from cow farms.

03:40:26.709 --> 03:40:28.649
Yep. And then we'd get shot at. Like, they'd

03:40:28.649 --> 03:40:30.729
be like, get out of here, boy! And we'd shoot

03:40:30.729 --> 03:40:32.250
guns in the air. You don't want this! It'll be

03:40:32.250 --> 03:40:35.090
gone in a day! Well, where Duncan used to live

03:40:35.090 --> 03:40:37.850
in Asheville, they actually started feeding the

03:40:37.850 --> 03:40:42.329
cows some antifungal food. No. So fuck with the

03:40:42.329 --> 03:40:47.010
cows. For what? Fuck with the cows' microbiome

03:40:47.010 --> 03:40:48.709
so that the cow, I don't even know if it worked,

03:40:48.770 --> 03:40:51.610
but the cows produced shit that fungus couldn't

03:40:51.610 --> 03:40:54.670
grow in. Boom. Bummer. You're adding money to

03:40:54.670 --> 03:40:57.350
your fucking overhead just to give people less

03:40:57.350 --> 03:41:00.049
joy? which you should have those guys if you

03:41:00.049 --> 03:41:02.409
were like fucking white oaks pastures where everything

03:41:02.409 --> 03:41:04.889
is like regenerative farming you'd have a mushroom

03:41:04.889 --> 03:41:08.510
harvester yep if you lived in a sane world you

03:41:08.510 --> 03:41:10.209
could sell those mushrooms to your neighbors

03:41:10.209 --> 03:41:12.479
dude in chiang mai Everybody started, the hippies

03:41:12.479 --> 03:41:14.399
started going to the elephant pastures. Yeah,

03:41:14.500 --> 03:41:17.000
in Thailand. They all started going. And then

03:41:17.000 --> 03:41:19.639
they were like, why are all these hippies coming

03:41:19.639 --> 03:41:21.840
on our fucking elephant pastures at a late night?

03:41:21.979 --> 03:41:23.340
And they figured it out. And they're like, hey,

03:41:23.440 --> 03:41:25.280
you guys are good. We're selling this. We're

03:41:25.280 --> 03:41:28.000
selling this. Dude, I rode on those elephants.

03:41:28.440 --> 03:41:31.139
I rode an elephant all the way to Chiang Mai

03:41:31.139 --> 03:41:33.000
down to the river. What a powerful experience.

03:41:33.260 --> 03:41:35.459
What were you doing up there? I was just fucking

03:41:35.459 --> 03:41:38.239
dreading. I didn't want to do it. My family wanted

03:41:38.239 --> 03:41:40.700
to do it. One of my kids fell off a fucking.

03:41:40.809 --> 03:41:47.889
elephant no she got fucked my wife's a crazy

03:41:47.889 --> 03:41:50.930
bitch shout out chiang mai city on the rise my

03:41:50.930 --> 03:41:53.750
wife's amazing but she's she's a wild lady ronnie

03:41:53.750 --> 03:41:57.620
good idea I didn't want to ride the elephants,

03:41:57.899 --> 03:42:00.340
because my perception is that they don't want

03:42:00.340 --> 03:42:01.760
to be ridden. They don't want to be ridden. That's

03:42:01.760 --> 03:42:03.680
a good perception. But they're so big, they don't

03:42:03.680 --> 03:42:05.260
give a shit. But they don't give a shit, because

03:42:05.260 --> 03:42:07.379
they're so big, it's literally like a kitten

03:42:07.379 --> 03:42:09.479
on your shoulders. Right. You don't feel like

03:42:09.479 --> 03:42:11.719
anything to them. But I don't think they like

03:42:11.719 --> 03:42:14.600
it. I love it. The worst part is when they play

03:42:14.600 --> 03:42:16.920
harmonica, and you're like, that's not natural.

03:42:17.780 --> 03:42:19.899
Harmonica? Yeah, you never saw them take a harmonica

03:42:19.899 --> 03:42:22.340
and start playing it? Really? Harmonica Lewinsky.

03:42:22.420 --> 03:42:23.719
No, I've never heard of it. No, I never saw that.

03:42:23.739 --> 03:42:25.479
Yeah, yeah. They play harmonica. Or they'll draw

03:42:25.479 --> 03:42:27.639
a painting with their tusk. I've seen that. With

03:42:27.639 --> 03:42:30.620
their nose. That's beautiful. Their snout. It's

03:42:30.620 --> 03:42:32.020
crazy that they can do that. They can draw an

03:42:32.020 --> 03:42:34.459
elephant. That's beautiful. It's beautiful. It's

03:42:34.459 --> 03:42:35.540
beautiful. They're pretty good. Pull it up, J

03:42:35.540 --> 03:42:37.319
-Mo. Justin Silver trained them all. Elvin's

03:42:37.319 --> 03:42:40.000
painting. Elvin's painting. He's beautiful. Somebody

03:42:40.000 --> 03:42:42.639
that Norman's like, no, that's beautiful. Bro,

03:42:42.700 --> 03:42:44.819
I went over this guy's house once. Listen to

03:42:44.819 --> 03:42:46.860
this. I went over this guy's house once. He was

03:42:46.860 --> 03:42:49.600
like a big time Hollywood agent. He had this

03:42:49.600 --> 03:42:52.299
house in Aspen. Beautiful house. Harvey. Walked

03:42:52.299 --> 03:42:55.420
in his house and he had this thing on the wall.

03:42:55.639 --> 03:42:59.200
And I said, is this from his kid? Did his kid

03:42:59.200 --> 03:43:04.459
make this? And they go, no, that's a... You know,

03:43:04.479 --> 03:43:07.319
whatever the fuck it is. Famous artist that had

03:43:07.319 --> 03:43:11.020
never heard of before. Oh, the artist. They just

03:43:11.020 --> 03:43:13.139
said some name. I don't remember the name. And

03:43:13.139 --> 03:43:16.459
then I go, what is that worth? I go, what is

03:43:16.459 --> 03:43:18.280
that worth? They're like, that's a $150 ,000

03:43:18.280 --> 03:43:21.639
piece. I go, that's worth $150 ,000. I go, I

03:43:21.639 --> 03:43:23.540
thought his kid made that. Without malice, you

03:43:23.540 --> 03:43:25.799
were like, that's nice. I mean, the number 150,

03:43:26.000 --> 03:43:27.399
I'm just making it up. I don't really remember

03:43:27.399 --> 03:43:29.040
what the number was. But it was something crazy

03:43:29.040 --> 03:43:31.200
like that where I was like, what are you talking

03:43:31.200 --> 03:43:36.120
about? That? I thought his kid made that. Nonsense

03:43:36.120 --> 03:43:39.500
you people buy. This is what happens to these

03:43:39.500 --> 03:43:42.399
people that have too much money. They just find

03:43:42.399 --> 03:43:46.700
yachts and fucking houses and things and art.

03:43:46.760 --> 03:43:52.639
They just buy nonsense. Pull it up. We started

03:43:52.639 --> 03:43:56.379
talking about that earlier. It's not Balenciaga.

03:43:56.379 --> 03:44:00.219
It's someone who is an artist. Someone who is

03:44:00.219 --> 03:44:03.069
a designer. Well, hold on. Did you look at the

03:44:03.069 --> 03:44:05.889
artwork? Put on your fucking thing. I can't be

03:44:05.889 --> 03:44:08.870
seen seriously right now. What does that mean?

03:44:09.069 --> 03:44:12.649
Wait, what happened? That means this. I can't

03:44:12.649 --> 03:44:14.889
be on camera going, did you see what happened?

03:44:14.889 --> 03:44:19.290
You're doing it. Stay strong. I don't like it.

03:44:19.569 --> 03:44:21.629
Hey, hold it together. I need you to stay strong.

03:44:21.670 --> 03:44:23.790
I don't like it. Not a good sign. I need you

03:44:23.790 --> 03:44:25.329
to stay strong. What happened? What happened

03:44:25.329 --> 03:44:27.129
with Balenciaga? Well, Balenciaga had some fucked

03:44:27.129 --> 03:44:29.879
up. add or photo shoot but in the background

03:44:29.879 --> 03:44:32.299
they had the books of this one artist and they

03:44:32.299 --> 03:44:34.620
all love this artist and the art the artwork's

03:44:34.620 --> 03:44:37.340
like fucking children it's it's bad pull it up

03:44:37.340 --> 03:44:39.120
i don't know it's really like the darkest weirdest

03:44:39.120 --> 03:44:42.120
art possible they apologized because they said

03:44:42.120 --> 03:44:44.959
that like someone made that and they didn't know

03:44:44.959 --> 03:44:47.579
what was in the background That wasn't the main,

03:44:47.600 --> 03:44:52.639
but like this shit. That is awesome. That one

03:44:52.639 --> 03:44:56.219
gets shitty. Castrated toddlers? What the fuck?

03:44:56.219 --> 03:44:58.520
Wait, are they bleeping out a painting? What

03:44:58.520 --> 03:45:01.040
is this? This is castrated toddlers? And Kanye's

03:45:01.040 --> 03:45:05.920
the bad guy. What Scrap Balenciaga campaign featured

03:45:05.920 --> 03:45:10.040
book by painter whose work included castrated

03:45:10.040 --> 03:45:13.459
toddlers? It's paintings. What the fuck? Bro.

03:45:14.190 --> 03:45:15.950
It's just paintings. Who's this lady? Yeah, but

03:45:15.950 --> 03:45:17.569
if you look at them all, you had a lot of them.

03:45:17.690 --> 03:45:19.530
It's paintings of castrated babies. What are

03:45:19.530 --> 03:45:20.950
you going to do for the next 60 hours of your

03:45:20.950 --> 03:45:25.229
life, Ari? I'm going to make castrated babies.

03:45:25.790 --> 03:45:28.229
What the hell? You know what I'm saying? He's

03:45:28.229 --> 03:45:30.469
a weirdo. He's a weirdo. Who the fuck are you?

03:45:30.629 --> 03:45:33.909
Why is that in your ad campaign? Anyone else

03:45:33.909 --> 03:45:37.549
hard? He's got some Goya. A little Goya -esque.

03:45:37.549 --> 03:45:39.469
I like Goya. Goya's good. This guy's got some

03:45:39.469 --> 03:45:42.680
freaky. We're Goyas. That's right. You're all

03:45:42.680 --> 03:45:47.559
goyos. Well, maybe it's like a message he was

03:45:47.559 --> 03:45:50.739
trying to convey with it. Yeah. It's pretty badass,

03:45:50.739 --> 03:45:54.280
that painting. Dude, don't even show me this.

03:45:54.360 --> 03:45:56.399
Don't even show me this. That painting is cool.

03:45:56.399 --> 03:46:00.420
This is so cool. What kind of message is that?

03:46:00.879 --> 03:46:03.620
What is he trying to say? Is there a way that

03:46:03.620 --> 03:46:06.360
you can interpret that charitably? He's trying

03:46:06.360 --> 03:46:08.959
to say something about circumcision. Probably.

03:46:10.000 --> 03:46:11.639
There's probably something there, right? We're

03:46:11.639 --> 03:46:13.540
all served, right? Yeah. Well, if you think,

03:46:13.579 --> 03:46:15.340
yeah, that's a fucked up thing, man. A lot of

03:46:15.340 --> 03:46:19.600
people lose their dicks. Huh? Yeah. What? When

03:46:19.600 --> 03:46:21.840
babies get circumcised, a lot of them, they get

03:46:21.840 --> 03:46:24.139
infections. They wind up losing their penises.

03:46:24.319 --> 03:46:26.079
There's a certain amount of them every year.

03:46:26.280 --> 03:46:28.120
Really? Well, I will say. Yeah, there's a certain

03:46:28.120 --> 03:46:30.420
amount every year where that happens. They lose

03:46:30.420 --> 03:46:32.500
their dicks to fucking circumcise. Infections.

03:46:32.500 --> 03:46:34.739
Do it the right way. Let's find out. Let's find

03:46:34.739 --> 03:46:36.659
out what the number is. Two more bottles. Suck

03:46:36.659 --> 03:46:38.850
on them. Gotta have that suck off. Yeah. That's

03:46:38.850 --> 03:46:40.750
the problem. You don't suck off that dick. Well,

03:46:40.790 --> 03:46:42.409
people die that way, too. You lose your dick.

03:46:42.569 --> 03:46:44.790
Do you know people die that way? What? People

03:46:44.790 --> 03:46:47.510
die that way. Which way? Babies have died. Babies

03:46:47.510 --> 03:46:49.450
have died from herpes. They don't die. They survive.

03:46:49.590 --> 03:46:51.149
They have a long life. Charitable, charitable

03:46:51.149 --> 03:46:54.370
life. No, no. Babies have died. Rabbi. From that.

03:46:55.110 --> 03:46:58.459
Right? Isn't that true? Yeah, yeah. Herpes. Jamie,

03:46:58.500 --> 03:47:01.260
can you Google Jews crossing the street? No,

03:47:01.260 --> 03:47:03.399
no, no. Google the first one. What was the first

03:47:03.399 --> 03:47:04.079
one you were Googling? Jews crossing the street

03:47:04.079 --> 03:47:06.319
was great. Jews crossing the street is one of

03:47:06.319 --> 03:47:08.239
the greatest. Jamie. Jamie. Jews crossing the

03:47:08.239 --> 03:47:10.040
street. We've all decided. We've all decided.

03:47:10.159 --> 03:47:12.280
Jews crossing the street. Jews crossing the street.

03:47:12.280 --> 03:47:15.079
Shut the fuck up. Jamie, what did I ask you first?

03:47:15.120 --> 03:47:16.940
I don't know. What the fuck is that? It's a moment

03:47:16.940 --> 03:47:18.780
past. Jews crossing the street. Jews crossing

03:47:18.780 --> 03:47:21.420
the street. Trying to keep entertaining here.

03:47:21.420 --> 03:47:23.629
That's the best. It was how many people lose

03:47:23.629 --> 03:47:27.149
their penises. Oh, yeah. Due to circumcision.

03:47:27.270 --> 03:47:29.750
That's also good. That's also a good road. We

03:47:29.750 --> 03:47:31.010
can do the split screen on that. No, we don't

03:47:31.010 --> 03:47:33.829
want that. Split screen. I'm telling you. Jews

03:47:33.829 --> 03:47:36.069
crossing streets. Jews crossing streets. I don't

03:47:36.069 --> 03:47:38.489
know why. What does that mean? Jews crossing

03:47:38.489 --> 03:47:40.430
streets. You'll show it. It's doing the Jews

03:47:40.430 --> 03:47:43.850
crossing the street during a marathon. Oh, that

03:47:43.850 --> 03:47:48.969
is good stuff. Like going to Schultz. It's like

03:47:48.969 --> 03:47:51.069
Frogger. Oh, they just run through the marathon?

03:47:51.409 --> 03:47:55.549
Oh, my God. That's hilarious. Oh, look at him

03:47:55.549 --> 03:47:59.049
run with the hat on. Hey, what are you supposed

03:47:59.049 --> 03:48:01.989
to do? Flatbush Avenue. And that was you. You

03:48:01.989 --> 03:48:04.809
were doing that shit. We were living in a place

03:48:04.809 --> 03:48:06.389
where there was a fucking marathon. Did you have

03:48:06.389 --> 03:48:08.409
to dress like that? No, no, no. I was a step

03:48:08.409 --> 03:48:10.809
down. Those guys ruled. Those guys ruled. I was

03:48:10.809 --> 03:48:12.629
trying. I was a phony. Those guys ruled. What

03:48:12.629 --> 03:48:14.850
are you supposed to do? What are you supposed

03:48:14.850 --> 03:48:16.469
to do when a marathon goes by and you want to

03:48:16.469 --> 03:48:20.659
cross the street? Do you play Frogger? When I

03:48:20.659 --> 03:48:22.739
lived next to the comedy store, the LA Marathon

03:48:22.739 --> 03:48:24.139
came by there. I was like, I live right there.

03:48:24.200 --> 03:48:25.659
Can I park my car? And the cops were like, no.

03:48:26.700 --> 03:48:30.040
There's no break. You can't. Man, Jews and marathons.

03:48:31.639 --> 03:48:34.360
For how long? I don't know. Beat it, dude. I

03:48:34.360 --> 03:48:36.040
don't know. Fucking fill your time with something.

03:48:37.140 --> 03:48:39.559
Shut the whole city down for that shit. That

03:48:39.559 --> 03:48:42.360
is so odd. Only time to shit yourself in public

03:48:42.360 --> 03:48:45.459
when people commend you. That's true. You can

03:48:45.459 --> 03:48:47.459
just hold it in just for that moment. With marathons.

03:48:47.559 --> 03:48:49.540
McCusker, my buddy, was talking about shitting

03:48:49.540 --> 03:48:51.979
at the beginning of a marathon. Just right away.

03:48:52.520 --> 03:48:57.780
And he's like, fuck. You appear so brave. He's

03:48:57.780 --> 03:48:59.819
been running with shit dripping down his legs.

03:49:01.500 --> 03:49:09.139
For 26 miles. I'm scared of guns. The king. He

03:49:09.139 --> 03:49:12.299
doesn't even bother holding it in. You don't

03:49:12.299 --> 03:49:19.000
even run. That's a sketch. Oh, my God. You run

03:49:19.000 --> 03:49:20.899
with shit. That's great. Right away. You probably

03:49:20.899 --> 03:49:22.899
have a wider berth. People would get out of your

03:49:22.899 --> 03:49:25.409
way more. Those people puking and shitting is

03:49:25.409 --> 03:49:28.889
great. This is all Matt does. Matt just tells

03:49:28.889 --> 03:49:33.069
me shit like this. Imagine a guy who's puking

03:49:33.069 --> 03:49:37.430
and shitting a mile away. Right away. And you're

03:49:37.430 --> 03:49:41.610
like, oh no. You have hours of this left, sir.

03:49:41.629 --> 03:49:43.430
You're really sick, dude. You're really fucking

03:49:43.430 --> 03:49:47.790
sick. So he has to decide, what am I doing with

03:49:47.790 --> 03:49:51.370
my life? Oh, look at that guy. Look at that guy.

03:49:55.730 --> 03:49:58.770
Wow! What stunning diamonds. That's how half

03:49:58.770 --> 03:50:01.229
these podcasts end. Half marathon! It's a half

03:50:01.229 --> 03:50:03.770
marathon. Every one of these podcasts ends with

03:50:03.770 --> 03:50:07.770
one of us like... Ari's like... He sharted earlier.

03:50:08.049 --> 03:50:10.329
Ari's like, it's a half marathon. It's 13 fucking

03:50:10.329 --> 03:50:13.129
miles. It's so long. That was after 13. That

03:50:13.129 --> 03:50:15.170
was earlier in the race. How do you know? Because

03:50:15.170 --> 03:50:16.909
he didn't shit right at the end. It might be

03:50:16.909 --> 03:50:18.309
right at the end. There's no ticker tape. It's

03:50:18.309 --> 03:50:21.530
a photo fish. It's 11 at max. But even if you're

03:50:21.530 --> 03:50:23.790
doing 13 miles, like if a marathon is three hours.

03:50:24.510 --> 03:50:27.069
Nobody else shits themselves. That guy's weird.

03:50:27.309 --> 03:50:29.590
That guy's weird. No, it's just common. It's

03:50:29.590 --> 03:50:32.489
very common. It is, but also. Oh, look at this

03:50:32.489 --> 03:50:35.430
guy. I know that face. I know we both have that

03:50:35.430 --> 03:50:38.489
face. Carter with diarrhea shits himself during

03:50:38.489 --> 03:50:41.010
a race, finishes top of category anyway. What

03:50:41.010 --> 03:50:44.090
category? Shit category? Shitting and running.

03:50:46.500 --> 03:50:52.280
He's like, give me five minutes. Oh my God, that's

03:50:52.280 --> 03:50:54.840
a t -shirt. That should be a Squid Game episode.

03:50:56.459 --> 03:51:00.579
That guy had victory tunnel vision. That would

03:51:00.579 --> 03:51:02.840
be like the cover of an album if he became a

03:51:02.840 --> 03:51:05.780
rapper. Shitting and running. How do you keep...

03:51:07.979 --> 03:51:10.579
How do you keep going? The focus that takes.

03:51:10.620 --> 03:51:12.600
No, you got to fucking go home. Shut up. Keep

03:51:12.600 --> 03:51:14.739
running. That's Rogan competitive. Keep going.

03:51:14.879 --> 03:51:17.559
That guy is, yeah. You got to keep going. You

03:51:17.559 --> 03:51:19.420
already shit yourself. I am a tiger. You already

03:51:19.420 --> 03:51:22.719
shit yourself. Hold on. It's a marathon. No one

03:51:22.719 --> 03:51:25.540
gives a fuck. That's a good point. That's a good

03:51:25.540 --> 03:51:29.440
point. What's his name? He says, even I couldn't

03:51:29.440 --> 03:51:33.600
bear the smell. I wanted to beat the African.

03:51:34.040 --> 03:51:39.159
He shit himself. He shit himself. He said, even

03:51:39.159 --> 03:51:41.620
I couldn't stand the smell. That's his quote.

03:51:41.920 --> 03:51:45.559
Did he win? Oh, he did win. All right, all right.

03:51:45.559 --> 03:51:47.909
Good for him. Yeah, man. He got his moment in

03:51:47.909 --> 03:51:50.469
the sun. He beat the African. Is that a professional

03:51:50.469 --> 03:51:53.110
marathon? Do you get prize money? Half marathon.

03:51:53.469 --> 03:51:55.110
Another one. I mean, if there's money on it,

03:51:55.190 --> 03:51:57.649
yes. For money, you got to go. People are shitting

03:51:57.649 --> 03:52:00.649
themselves. No, everyone else there was not executed.

03:52:01.670 --> 03:52:03.809
It was a Chinese marathon. It was a Shanghai

03:52:03.809 --> 03:52:07.670
half marathon. Yeah. Damn. Oh, so he's over there

03:52:07.670 --> 03:52:09.610
eating Shanghai food, too. One hour, six minutes.

03:52:09.629 --> 03:52:12.129
Right? Imagine if you're not from there. You

03:52:12.129 --> 03:52:17.500
fly over there. Grab some street tacos. Let's

03:52:17.500 --> 03:52:21.579
go, baby. We caught up before the race. You shit

03:52:21.579 --> 03:52:33.719
your pants. You came all this way. Somebody sponsored

03:52:33.719 --> 03:52:37.360
that guy. Yeah, that's my money. Running down

03:52:37.360 --> 03:52:41.180
his leg. Oh, my God. Yeah, you shit yourself.

03:52:41.299 --> 03:52:43.719
That's showing commitment. If you keep going.

03:52:43.920 --> 03:52:47.520
I mean, he won. He beat the African. That's all

03:52:47.520 --> 03:52:50.559
he wanted. Couldn't stand his own smell. Wow.

03:52:50.559 --> 03:52:52.639
As he was running. It is the eye of the tiger,

03:52:52.700 --> 03:52:55.260
but also the eye. He started throwing up. Is

03:52:55.260 --> 03:52:58.559
that kind of a nice analogy you like? Yeah. You

03:52:58.559 --> 03:53:00.620
see the moment? Wait, when's he beat him? Is

03:53:00.620 --> 03:53:02.500
this right when he's getting torched by these

03:53:02.500 --> 03:53:04.799
Africans? He used the propeller fuel. Oh, there

03:53:04.799 --> 03:53:07.340
he goes. Someone was editing. He's back in front.

03:53:07.479 --> 03:53:09.020
I don't see any Dukian. Wait, it's happening

03:53:09.020 --> 03:53:12.079
right now. There it is! Nope. I was wrong. He's

03:53:12.079 --> 03:53:14.059
just running. They roll out toilet paper. Where

03:53:14.059 --> 03:53:18.520
is it? I wanted a squirt. He probably barely

03:53:18.520 --> 03:53:21.920
shit himself. Like Mark Norman did earlier. Shark

03:53:21.920 --> 03:53:27.040
tank. As he's running across that finish line.

03:53:27.500 --> 03:53:30.299
You ever see the guy doing the flip? And then

03:53:30.299 --> 03:53:32.379
they just play it backwards with shit going back

03:53:32.379 --> 03:53:36.180
into his boot. Pull it out. Pull it out. That's

03:53:36.180 --> 03:53:37.479
the most beautiful thing that's ever been made.

03:53:37.500 --> 03:53:38.819
It flipped and shit at the same time? Yeah, it

03:53:38.819 --> 03:53:40.200
flipped and shit, and they just played backwards

03:53:40.200 --> 03:53:42.739
slow -mo. Who is this crazy man? What a genius.

03:53:43.040 --> 03:53:46.440
You sure that's not Steve -O? Flipped and shit

03:53:46.440 --> 03:53:48.579
at the same time? It is a Steve -O type of thing.

03:53:48.700 --> 03:53:52.719
Yeah, I don't know. Damn. Isn't it fun? This

03:53:52.719 --> 03:53:57.920
is fun. We came back. We're pretty rational now.

03:53:58.100 --> 03:53:59.659
There was a moment where I couldn't stop laughing

03:53:59.659 --> 03:54:01.920
at everything. Oh, man, I was freaking out for

03:54:01.920 --> 03:54:04.020
a second. Yeah, it was too much for a little

03:54:04.020 --> 03:54:07.120
bit. Huh? We're going to do a show in two hours.

03:54:07.940 --> 03:54:14.920
Whoa! Whoa! That was a question mark. This is

03:54:14.920 --> 03:54:17.079
a backwards is where it's at. Look at the log

03:54:17.079 --> 03:54:21.629
of shit that lands behind him. It's like a missile.

03:54:21.930 --> 03:54:23.889
Don't watch it on ridiculousness. Watch it on

03:54:23.889 --> 03:54:25.870
uncensored. Look at this. Look at that shit.

03:54:26.090 --> 03:54:27.709
I love this guy. It's got to be like Instagram.

03:54:28.920 --> 03:54:33.719
That's insane. That's so much. What kind of confidence

03:54:33.719 --> 03:54:35.299
do you have in your ability to take a quick shit?

03:54:35.840 --> 03:54:38.139
My theory is he tensed up, and he was doing it,

03:54:38.180 --> 03:54:40.700
and then he just shot. I understand, but the

03:54:40.700 --> 03:54:43.340
volume. The volume was quite a lot. If you ask

03:54:43.340 --> 03:54:45.020
me, can I reproduce that? I'm like, no, sir,

03:54:45.100 --> 03:54:47.360
I can't. No way. Sorry if we've told this story

03:54:47.360 --> 03:54:49.079
before, but my friend used to take funny shit

03:54:49.079 --> 03:54:54.299
in school. Did I tell you this? No. He would

03:54:54.299 --> 03:54:57.280
go, there was no doors on the stalls, so he would

03:54:57.280 --> 03:54:59.239
come up with a new way to shit every fucking

03:54:59.239 --> 03:55:01.620
day. He would come up with a funny way to shit,

03:55:01.659 --> 03:55:04.299
so sometimes he'd be laying on top of the cross,

03:55:04.620 --> 03:55:09.120
and he'd shit straight down. Sometimes he'd hold

03:55:09.120 --> 03:55:12.399
himself up at the roof of the stall. It was really

03:55:12.399 --> 03:55:16.180
hard. It was really hard to do. And he couldn't

03:55:16.180 --> 03:55:20.579
shit. It'd be like one drop. He was holding himself

03:55:20.579 --> 03:55:22.639
up. So he held his legs up. Yeah, he was like

03:55:22.639 --> 03:55:27.700
that. At the roof of the song. And TJ came in

03:55:27.700 --> 03:55:29.819
and was like, what the fuck's going on? There's

03:55:29.819 --> 03:55:34.059
20 of us watching a guy shit. Oh my gosh. Hey,

03:55:34.200 --> 03:55:36.219
you had to pass the time. Was it all boys school?

03:55:36.459 --> 03:55:39.590
No, but... Why was it a door? It was a weird

03:55:39.590 --> 03:55:41.510
moment. The teacher had to be like, what the

03:55:41.510 --> 03:55:44.829
fuck was that? You know she laughed too. I forget

03:55:44.829 --> 03:55:46.909
what club we were with with Joey. Might have

03:55:46.909 --> 03:55:51.040
been like San Jose Improv. We go into the bathroom

03:55:51.040 --> 03:55:54.020
with Joey Diaz. He goes, Joe Rogan, go take a

03:55:54.020 --> 03:55:57.000
look at what I left you. And I go, what? What

03:55:57.000 --> 03:55:59.280
are you talking about? I open up the toilet,

03:55:59.379 --> 03:56:02.920
and there's a log. Oh, my God. Like a drowning

03:56:02.920 --> 03:56:07.579
sailor that was pulled onto the shore. At the

03:56:07.579 --> 03:56:10.719
time, he was too big to sit on the toilet. So

03:56:10.719 --> 03:56:13.920
he sat in the front of the toilet and just shit

03:56:13.920 --> 03:56:21.909
on the dock. Shit on the dock. Dropped a log

03:56:21.909 --> 03:56:24.430
on the beach and you open the door and go...

03:56:24.430 --> 03:56:30.889
That was the funniest fucking thing. You couldn't

03:56:30.889 --> 03:56:33.409
flush it. It must have smelled so bad. It must

03:56:33.409 --> 03:56:35.590
have smelled so bad. You had to help it into

03:56:35.590 --> 03:56:40.709
the water. The beached whale. It was ridiculous.

03:56:41.250 --> 03:56:43.530
There's so many milligrams of weed in that shit.

03:56:43.649 --> 03:56:45.770
Oh, my God. If you smelled that shit, you could

03:56:45.770 --> 03:56:48.329
get high. Nobody can put weed away with Joey

03:56:48.329 --> 03:56:51.239
not a human that's ever lived My buddy was a

03:56:51.239 --> 03:56:55.139
psycho guy. He would ruin parties. And we had

03:56:55.139 --> 03:56:58.360
these houses in New Orleans. He was like the

03:56:58.360 --> 03:57:00.760
push the grandfather clock in the pool guy, you

03:57:00.760 --> 03:57:04.079
know. And there was a house with a heater grate

03:57:04.079 --> 03:57:06.920
on the floor. You know, the heat would come out

03:57:06.920 --> 03:57:09.520
of it. And he shit on the grate. And it just

03:57:09.520 --> 03:57:12.799
sat there like a hibachi. And the whole party

03:57:12.799 --> 03:57:15.440
in about 20 minutes was like, what the fuck is

03:57:15.440 --> 03:57:17.520
that smell? Wait a minute. You're talking to

03:57:17.520 --> 03:57:19.420
a guy who's shitting in Tupperware and opening

03:57:19.420 --> 03:57:23.370
it up on. On Skank Fest. Or on Legion of Skanks.

03:57:23.370 --> 03:57:25.370
It was not shit. It was Avenged Sevenfold's latest

03:57:25.370 --> 03:57:29.649
album. It was the best. Man, what a stupid joke.

03:57:29.790 --> 03:57:33.129
You're laughing. You also shit in a fish tank

03:57:33.129 --> 03:57:36.690
once, my friend. That's what I want. Your friend

03:57:36.690 --> 03:57:38.909
shit in a fish tank? Yeah, he was kind of a legend.

03:57:39.049 --> 03:57:41.350
He got kicked out of college. I haven't seen

03:57:41.350 --> 03:57:43.790
him since. Yeah, I shit in a Tupperware for Jay's

03:57:43.790 --> 03:57:48.469
birthday. I cover it in paper. Rapid paper. We

03:57:48.469 --> 03:57:51.049
sat there for two hours. You gave it to him?

03:57:51.370 --> 03:57:53.329
Yeah, he opened it up, and it just fucking cleared.

03:57:53.389 --> 03:57:56.209
Mickey Gall was there. It cleared. Ron Bennington

03:57:56.209 --> 03:57:58.950
was there. They were like, what the fuck, dude?

03:57:59.989 --> 03:58:02.030
Yeah, Che was outside. It was an old creek. Che

03:58:02.030 --> 03:58:04.090
was in the bar. He goes, what the fuck is that?

03:58:04.190 --> 03:58:07.389
Out in the bar. Oh, my God. Ron Bennington? You

03:58:07.389 --> 03:58:09.690
gave someone shit for Ron Bennington? Yeah, that's

03:58:09.690 --> 03:58:11.010
when he started wearing two glasses at once.

03:58:14.889 --> 03:58:16.329
What did you say about Ron Bennington? He's the

03:58:16.329 --> 03:58:17.989
best. He's the best. He's so crazy, dude. Was

03:58:17.989 --> 03:58:19.649
he on the stage with you? He was there with us,

03:58:19.649 --> 03:58:21.250
yeah. Oh, my God. You did that in front of him?

03:58:21.309 --> 03:58:23.110
How dare you? I didn't take the shit. I took

03:58:23.110 --> 03:58:25.090
the shit a day and a half earlier. Ron and Fez

03:58:25.090 --> 03:58:27.430
was a great show. Great show. Yeah. That was

03:58:27.430 --> 03:58:30.450
a fun show to listen to. Yeah, follow ONA. He

03:58:30.450 --> 03:58:32.389
has the unmask. Maybe that was unmasked. Unmasked.

03:58:32.489 --> 03:58:35.409
Awesome. You did one. I did an unmask. He is

03:58:35.409 --> 03:58:37.690
the best interviewer. The ONA days, man. Number

03:58:37.690 --> 03:58:41.170
one. You know, the fact that those two guys.

03:58:41.989 --> 03:58:44.870
separated and just went completely separate ways.

03:58:45.510 --> 03:58:47.950
We were just watching it last night. The baby

03:58:47.950 --> 03:58:51.709
bird was so hot. When you think it's done, it

03:58:51.709 --> 03:58:54.110
doubles down how much puke is going to come out.

03:58:55.309 --> 03:58:57.510
That's the origin of everything we do. Everything

03:58:57.510 --> 03:59:00.690
was ONA. And then Ron and Fez. You think so?

03:59:00.770 --> 03:59:03.590
Maybe Stern was before that. It definitely started

03:59:03.590 --> 03:59:07.010
for me with Stern. And then what ONA was that

03:59:07.010 --> 03:59:09.870
was different was it was a hangout. That's true.

03:59:10.379 --> 03:59:12.780
For the record, this guy that has his head tilted

03:59:12.780 --> 03:59:15.799
back said, if you make me an intern. Pat Duffy.

03:59:15.899 --> 03:59:18.020
That's Pat. No, he was already an intern. No,

03:59:18.120 --> 03:59:19.959
no, no. I thought that's how he got to be an

03:59:19.959 --> 03:59:22.059
intern. No, no, no. I don't think so. Yeah. I'm

03:59:22.059 --> 03:59:24.680
pretty sure he'd already scrubbed his teeth with

03:59:24.680 --> 03:59:27.020
cat shit. He'd done a bunch of other things.

03:59:27.020 --> 03:59:29.139
Really? Yeah. I thought that's the day. He was

03:59:29.139 --> 03:59:32.219
like, I'll do this if you elevate me. You might

03:59:32.219 --> 03:59:36.200
be right, but I'm not sure. But it was my recollection

03:59:36.200 --> 03:59:38.840
that they had a bunch of stories about him. He

03:59:38.840 --> 03:59:42.600
ate puke that someone put Froot Loops in. Yes,

03:59:42.600 --> 03:59:45.299
that night. That was that day. Earlier that day,

03:59:45.360 --> 03:59:47.120
he was like puking it. I have Froot Loops and

03:59:47.120 --> 03:59:49.000
I'll eat it. It might have still been him. What

03:59:49.000 --> 03:59:52.180
is he drinking? Eggnog, right? Eggnog. What?

03:59:53.100 --> 03:59:55.459
Eggnog. I love eggnog. Everyone's got to pretty

03:59:55.459 --> 03:59:56.899
much keep their position. So he throws up in

03:59:56.899 --> 03:59:58.559
this dude's mouth. He's heavily diabetic, and

03:59:58.559 --> 04:00:00.680
he took an eggnog shot a minute. How many people

04:00:00.680 --> 04:00:02.870
were here this day, Ori? From all over America.

04:00:02.870 --> 04:00:07.489
Me, you, Burr. And who else? Maybe Voss. This

04:00:07.489 --> 04:00:10.549
guy's a champ. Patrice was not there. Oh, I thought

04:00:10.549 --> 04:00:17.350
he was. No, it was... Oh! Opie, Anthony, Norton.

04:00:17.350 --> 04:00:20.049
And someone named it the baby bird. Might have

04:00:20.049 --> 04:00:22.409
been Burr. This guy could take... Baby birding.

04:00:22.409 --> 04:00:30.899
It was Kumia. Wow. It was so big. Oh, man. The

04:00:30.899 --> 04:00:33.319
guy doesn't move. What a warrior. He's a warrior.

04:00:33.540 --> 04:00:36.180
This guy is a warrior. All respect to Pat Duffy.

04:00:36.760 --> 04:00:39.079
He unloves us. He spit it out. He spit it out.

04:00:39.860 --> 04:00:42.780
This is like Jesus. He just takes it. No, no,

04:00:42.780 --> 04:00:44.520
no. We're not done yet. We're not done yet. This

04:00:44.520 --> 04:00:46.540
is flip phone flip. This guy is Christ. We're

04:00:46.540 --> 04:00:50.079
not done yet, bro. You think it's over. Oh, my

04:00:50.079 --> 04:00:52.200
God. You can't think it can't get any worse.

04:00:52.219 --> 04:00:57.180
It gets so much worse. Who had to clean this?

04:00:57.600 --> 04:01:02.819
They had a tarp set up. The garbage can is useless.

04:01:03.180 --> 04:01:10.440
Useless? Is that what you're doing? Wow. He's

04:01:10.440 --> 04:01:17.110
like, that's it. That's it. That was my idea.

04:01:17.489 --> 04:01:20.909
First of all, rest in peace, Pat Fumunaki. Rest

04:01:20.909 --> 04:01:25.829
in peace, Pat Fumunaki. He's a legend. The greatest

04:01:25.829 --> 04:01:28.649
throw -up artist. He's the greatest throw -up

04:01:28.649 --> 04:01:31.030
artist that has ever existed. First of all, he

04:01:31.030 --> 04:01:33.110
was putting his life in danger while doing this

04:01:33.110 --> 04:01:35.469
because he's a diabetic. Super diabetic. Dude,

04:01:35.469 --> 04:01:38.909
he was drinking gallons of sugar milk. Everything

04:01:38.909 --> 04:01:42.030
after that in radio is like, it's done. Radio's

04:01:42.030 --> 04:01:44.069
over. You're not going to beat that. We had a

04:01:44.069 --> 04:01:47.200
fucking incredible time. It was an incredible

04:01:47.200 --> 04:01:49.500
time. More angles have popped up since this has

04:01:49.500 --> 04:01:51.799
come out. But this was 15 years old. More angles.

04:01:52.079 --> 04:01:56.360
Yeah, there's so many. It was barfing from the

04:01:56.360 --> 04:01:58.559
side. It was multiple people. It's JFK. What

04:01:58.559 --> 04:02:00.500
those guys did was they started off podcasts.

04:02:00.680 --> 04:02:02.739
It's a puker film. Yeah. Because they let us

04:02:02.739 --> 04:02:05.799
come on as comics and hang and be ourselves.

04:02:07.059 --> 04:02:10.110
That's what it was. They let us come on and hang,

04:02:10.270 --> 04:02:12.709
and that's what taught us how to be podcasters.

04:02:12.750 --> 04:02:15.209
Yeah, they would be cool. There's no other angle.

04:02:15.209 --> 04:02:17.969
Oh, my God. It's too close. It's way too close.

04:02:18.110 --> 04:02:22.229
It's way too close. We can't add. It's basically

04:02:22.229 --> 04:02:24.309
a bukkake. You actually want it less clear. It's

04:02:24.309 --> 04:02:31.149
a pew -kake. Pew -kake. Yeah, that was great.

04:02:31.229 --> 04:02:33.209
Oh, man, this mushroom's weird. I saw Burr like

04:02:33.209 --> 04:02:35.489
two weeks later. They were perfect. At the store.

04:02:35.530 --> 04:02:37.889
I was in the cover booth. Oh, yeah, they're great.

04:02:38.190 --> 04:02:40.430
I'm listening. I was in the cover booth. I saw

04:02:40.430 --> 04:02:42.670
Burr downstairs in the front patio talking. And

04:02:42.670 --> 04:02:43.649
I was like, you're talking about the baby Burr,

04:02:43.690 --> 04:02:45.569
aren't you? He goes, yeah. Because you can just

04:02:45.569 --> 04:02:47.770
tell the air of someone who saw this crazy thing.

04:02:47.909 --> 04:02:49.729
Yeah, you and I were there for one of the craziest

04:02:49.729 --> 04:02:53.809
moments in media that someone could actually

04:02:53.809 --> 04:02:56.010
do that. They would lay down garbage bags on

04:02:56.010 --> 04:02:59.129
the ground. So they're like hefty bags everywhere.

04:02:59.270 --> 04:03:02.709
They waterproof the ground. And then they set

04:03:02.709 --> 04:03:05.690
up this garbage bag. And then I said it almost

04:03:05.690 --> 04:03:08.549
as a goof. I said, why don't you have Pat Duffy

04:03:08.549 --> 04:03:10.950
lean back, put his head over the dumpster, and

04:03:10.950 --> 04:03:13.850
Pat Fumunaki throws up in his mouth. And they

04:03:13.850 --> 04:03:15.350
were like, no way. He's like, I'll fucking do

04:03:15.350 --> 04:03:17.969
it. We're like, no. This is definitely the origin

04:03:17.969 --> 04:03:23.219
of Legion of Skeks. Oh, yeah. Well, the ONA vibe

04:03:23.219 --> 04:03:26.260
went through all of New York. Yeah. It was a

04:03:26.260 --> 04:03:28.659
fun vibe. It was a fun vibe. You were stuck in

04:03:28.659 --> 04:03:30.299
traffic, and you were listening to these guys

04:03:30.299 --> 04:03:32.879
telling people to climb face first into dumpsters

04:03:32.879 --> 04:03:35.360
and shit. It was something. They were crazy.

04:03:35.780 --> 04:03:37.579
They were crazy, and they were doing something

04:03:37.579 --> 04:03:39.319
that was different. And they would bring comics

04:03:39.319 --> 04:03:41.579
on, and we would just hang. And that's how we

04:03:41.579 --> 04:03:44.940
all got started. Yeah, it's a good metaphor for

04:03:44.940 --> 04:03:46.819
comedy, too, because they had some misses. They

04:03:46.819 --> 04:03:50.059
had a few homeless things that were weird. They

04:03:50.059 --> 04:03:51.680
did a lot of wild shit, and they got canceled,

04:03:51.739 --> 04:03:52.879
too. They were one of the first people to get

04:03:52.879 --> 04:03:54.799
canceled. They got kicked off the air because

04:03:54.799 --> 04:03:56.920
they had a homeless guy come on and say that

04:03:56.920 --> 04:03:59.440
he wanted to rape Condoleezza Rice. That's not

04:03:59.440 --> 04:04:01.319
so bad. I mean, they didn't even know what he

04:04:01.319 --> 04:04:02.899
was going to say. They got a crazy guy on there.

04:04:03.040 --> 04:04:06.290
Also, fuck it in a cathedral. That was a nice

04:04:06.290 --> 04:04:09.450
one. That was a good one. And I wrote a blog

04:04:09.450 --> 04:04:12.090
post about that before I ever even did. You're

04:04:12.090 --> 04:04:15.049
a blogger? Piece of blog. Rogan blog. What? Yeah.

04:04:15.629 --> 04:04:18.350
I wrote a blog defending them. This is the craziest

04:04:18.350 --> 04:04:21.219
thing I've ever heard in my life. If you think

04:04:21.219 --> 04:04:22.739
about all the terrible things that have happened

04:04:22.739 --> 04:04:26.500
in churches, particularly Catholic churches,

04:04:26.639 --> 04:04:28.639
and these two people decide to have consensual

04:04:28.639 --> 04:04:31.379
sex, how about you want to get mad at people

04:04:31.379 --> 04:04:33.280
for that sacrilege? What about the sacrilege

04:04:33.280 --> 04:04:35.879
of fucking kids? What are you talking about?

04:04:35.959 --> 04:04:37.700
Of all the people that should shut the fuck up,

04:04:37.819 --> 04:04:40.340
that's number one. Good open letter. Especially

04:04:40.340 --> 04:04:43.020
back then, before the internet, before these

04:04:43.020 --> 04:04:44.799
documentaries where people didn't know the extent

04:04:44.799 --> 04:04:49.819
of sexual abuse. But also. Very funny to make

04:04:49.819 --> 04:04:52.899
people fucking a fucking giant old cathedral.

04:04:53.360 --> 04:04:55.520
And they're like loud fucking the entrance, follow

04:04:55.520 --> 04:04:57.680
them around. Bro, you don't think that you would

04:04:57.680 --> 04:05:01.079
do that if you were 23 years old? 100%. 100%.

04:05:01.079 --> 04:05:03.059
Could you perform? Your girlfriend's like, yeah,

04:05:03.079 --> 04:05:05.489
let's fucking do it. She wants to do it. Louis

04:05:05.489 --> 04:05:07.590
Black got arrested. Jim Norton got arrested.

04:05:07.709 --> 04:05:10.389
What? For what? They went on a party bus where

04:05:10.389 --> 04:05:12.469
the women showed their tits and they got arrested.

04:05:12.469 --> 04:05:15.110
They got arrested for that? That's how Norton

04:05:15.110 --> 04:05:19.729
got hired. We were that far away from the prohibition.

04:05:19.729 --> 04:05:22.770
It just happened. It just happened 100 years

04:05:22.770 --> 04:05:25.379
ago. I mean, how long goes Lenny Bruce as soon

04:05:25.379 --> 04:05:26.659
as they're off stage? It's like, come on, you

04:05:26.659 --> 04:05:28.879
know what? We're going to jail. 15 busted on

04:05:28.879 --> 04:05:31.379
risque radio bus. There you go. 15 people were

04:05:31.379 --> 04:05:34.079
arrested yesterday aboard a raunchy rolling radio

04:05:34.079 --> 04:05:36.840
promotion bus after its topless female passengers

04:05:36.840 --> 04:05:41.739
drew crowds and stalled traffic, cops said. The

04:05:41.739 --> 04:05:44.799
bus which was promoting Radio Bad Boys, Opie

04:05:44.799 --> 04:05:47.780
and Anthony, veered onto a midtown street, cleared

04:05:47.780 --> 04:05:51.379
for a presidential motorcade. But that wasn't

04:05:51.379 --> 04:05:54.280
the reason given for the arrest. It was creating

04:05:54.280 --> 04:05:58.180
a crowd condition, a police source said. They

04:05:58.180 --> 04:06:00.840
were flashing everybody. So was that when they

04:06:00.840 --> 04:06:04.559
were doing Flash Friday? Yeah, W -O -W. Yeah.

04:06:05.840 --> 04:06:08.840
Yeah, Louis Black and Jim Norton. Busted. And

04:06:08.840 --> 04:06:10.379
Norton, they hired him after that. What a fun

04:06:10.379 --> 04:06:12.120
thing to get arrested. Oh, really? That's how

04:06:12.120 --> 04:06:15.540
he got on the show. Wow. Good origin story. Yeah.

04:06:15.899 --> 04:06:19.370
What year was that? 2000. Comedy was fun at one

04:06:19.370 --> 04:06:21.950
point. It was so fun. It's still fun. Yeah, you're

04:06:21.950 --> 04:06:24.409
right. It's still very fun. Ari, you have a quote

04:06:24.409 --> 04:06:27.430
that I tell to people all the time. I said, Ari

04:06:27.430 --> 04:06:29.750
says, comedy's finally dangerous again. It's

04:06:29.750 --> 04:06:31.510
the best. Those people leave angry, and now they

04:06:31.510 --> 04:06:33.370
report us. It's like, we're not having a good

04:06:33.370 --> 04:06:35.250
time. We're not having a good time. Yeah, it's

04:06:35.250 --> 04:06:36.889
just weird to report. That's what I don't get.

04:06:36.989 --> 04:06:38.649
Like, look, we've all seen a thing where we go,

04:06:38.729 --> 04:06:40.489
oh, that's offensive. That hurt my feelings.

04:06:40.569 --> 04:06:42.309
They're dorks. But why would you write about

04:06:42.309 --> 04:06:45.590
it or report it? It's fascinating. It's reading

04:06:45.590 --> 04:06:47.860
it that's the problem. There's three sides. to

04:06:47.860 --> 04:06:50.500
it. You think a joke is funny, you think a joke

04:06:50.500 --> 04:06:54.280
is so funny, and then you're angry. Like, who's

04:06:54.280 --> 04:06:57.079
going to be on that side? What's up, Aaron? He

04:06:57.079 --> 04:07:00.100
loves that dog! If only you liked your girlfriend

04:07:00.100 --> 04:07:02.920
that much. But some people think they have a

04:07:02.920 --> 04:07:04.899
right to be angry, so they use it to be angry.

04:07:05.639 --> 04:07:08.059
You know, there's recreational outrage. And now

04:07:08.059 --> 04:07:09.680
there's kooks who get behind him and go, yeah,

04:07:09.700 --> 04:07:11.799
I'm angry too. Yeah, and there's a lot of people

04:07:11.799 --> 04:07:13.739
out there. The thing is, it's like we're realizing

04:07:13.739 --> 04:07:15.700
that everybody's connected now, and it's starting

04:07:15.700 --> 04:07:17.760
to, like, grow in its understanding of what's

04:07:17.760 --> 04:07:20.860
possible. And it got a little away from us, I

04:07:20.860 --> 04:07:23.680
think. It got away from us. It changed media.

04:07:23.819 --> 04:07:26.000
A lot of people got scared because they don't

04:07:26.000 --> 04:07:28.819
like the bad reaction to people that disagree

04:07:28.819 --> 04:07:30.639
with them, so they just go with this mind virus.

04:07:31.559 --> 04:07:33.739
It's like really smart people that fucking read

04:07:33.739 --> 04:07:35.620
the comments all the time. with their head. You

04:07:35.620 --> 04:07:38.440
think that's reality. There's too many people,

04:07:38.520 --> 04:07:40.120
man. You're interacting with too many people

04:07:40.120 --> 04:07:42.719
in a non -human way. You're interacting with

04:07:42.719 --> 04:07:44.379
too many people in text form. That's not good

04:07:44.379 --> 04:07:46.540
for your health. It's just not good for your

04:07:46.540 --> 04:07:49.399
health. It's not good in any way. It's only negative.

04:07:50.559 --> 04:07:53.340
Look at this art piece. What is hard to come

04:07:53.340 --> 04:07:55.579
by? I heard Hans Kim's been reading the Reddit.

04:07:55.680 --> 04:07:58.100
Get off the Reddit, Hans Kim. Don't read that

04:07:58.100 --> 04:08:00.559
shit. Don't do it. I didn't mean what I wrote.

04:08:00.739 --> 04:08:05.040
Talented people, that can derail you. Yeah, but

04:08:05.040 --> 04:08:08.260
what about these weirdos with the art installations

04:08:08.260 --> 04:08:10.459
where they throw soup on a fucking painting?

04:08:10.559 --> 04:08:13.079
It's so fucking pompous. It's kooky. For the

04:08:13.079 --> 04:08:14.579
environment, you're just going to destroy something

04:08:14.579 --> 04:08:17.059
beautiful? Yeah, go help the environment. You

04:08:17.059 --> 04:08:19.819
fucking dork, Gen Z dorks. The dummies in Germany,

04:08:19.940 --> 04:08:21.799
they glued their hand on this thing, and they

04:08:21.799 --> 04:08:23.299
didn't know the thing was portable, so they just

04:08:23.299 --> 04:08:24.899
picked the thing up and took them into the back.

04:08:25.719 --> 04:08:28.219
No. Yeah, they glued their hand on a railing.

04:08:28.219 --> 04:08:29.940
Those fucking dummies. They didn't know the railing

04:08:29.940 --> 04:08:31.440
wasn't bolted to the floor. They're just looking

04:08:31.440 --> 04:08:33.760
for attention. Sure. It's so dumb. I don't care

04:08:33.760 --> 04:08:36.159
about their cars. They glue themselves to the

04:08:36.159 --> 04:08:38.379
wall. Do a backflip with shit. Do you see what

04:08:38.379 --> 04:08:40.500
the Porsche people did? Yeah. Shut the lights

04:08:40.500 --> 04:08:42.819
off. Left them in there. Fuck you. Good. Go shit

04:08:42.819 --> 04:08:45.059
yourself. They let them shit themselves. They

04:08:45.059 --> 04:08:47.459
didn't even call the cops. Oh, fuck. Those guys

04:08:47.459 --> 04:08:49.579
are glued to the floor. Like, ah, we'll show

04:08:49.579 --> 04:08:52.040
them, bro. We're going to fucking stop this climate.

04:08:52.680 --> 04:08:56.239
This climate is a pro -climate change. Make sure

04:08:56.239 --> 04:08:57.760
you respect the marathon guys. At least they

04:08:57.760 --> 04:09:00.959
shit themselves earning something. A lot of them

04:09:00.959 --> 04:09:04.680
do believe it. They do believe it. A lot of people

04:09:04.680 --> 04:09:06.760
believe if you don't stop climate change right

04:09:06.760 --> 04:09:08.600
now, we're all going to die. It's possibly true.

04:09:09.620 --> 04:09:13.440
What's his face? PBT. No. Pat Patrick David?

04:09:13.639 --> 04:09:17.920
Yes! Whoa! You got me. He had one of them on.

04:09:18.260 --> 04:09:21.420
They called in. Really? The ladies. They called

04:09:21.420 --> 04:09:24.219
in. The ladies who did the... No, really? What

04:09:24.219 --> 04:09:26.079
did they say? What did they say? It's the most

04:09:26.079 --> 04:09:27.979
important thing. Well, first of all, their pronouns

04:09:27.979 --> 04:09:33.600
were he, she, they. He, she, they. Yeah, everything.

04:09:33.979 --> 04:09:35.719
Everything. That's not bad. That's cool. That

04:09:35.719 --> 04:09:38.639
is cool. He, she, they. Way to rule. She's a

04:09:38.639 --> 04:09:40.680
demigod. That's like getting double O in basketball

04:09:40.680 --> 04:09:42.340
is your number. You know how crazy that is? He,

04:09:42.379 --> 04:09:44.799
she, they. Okay. Call me everything. So there's

04:09:44.799 --> 04:09:46.860
that. Anyway, I have an opinion on that. Hey,

04:09:46.899 --> 04:09:49.780
my pronoun is God. I'm saying that. Yeah, I invented

04:09:49.780 --> 04:09:52.700
everything. There's that. I hate to be that guy.

04:09:53.139 --> 04:09:54.659
Yeah, but they called in and they were like,

04:09:54.680 --> 04:09:55.979
well, we're just trying to save the world, you

04:09:55.979 --> 04:09:57.819
know? Like, these people are evil. And you're

04:09:57.819 --> 04:09:59.889
like, I know, but you didn't do anything. You

04:09:59.889 --> 04:10:01.909
didn't do anything. They did, though, because

04:10:01.909 --> 04:10:03.989
they're talking to people. Yeah, well, so are

04:10:03.989 --> 04:10:07.709
school shooters. They're on the news, too. That's

04:10:07.709 --> 04:10:11.010
a very good point. Those guys are making noise.

04:10:11.629 --> 04:10:15.329
Those guys are making a lot of fucking noise.

04:10:15.690 --> 04:10:18.510
That Bill Hicks quote is gold. I love when a

04:10:18.510 --> 04:10:20.129
comedy club has a thing on the door. There's

04:10:20.129 --> 04:10:22.110
a club. I can't think of the name of it. But

04:10:22.110 --> 04:10:24.069
it says, you'll think of something right on the

04:10:24.069 --> 04:10:27.129
way out. And that really helped me. And I bombed.

04:10:29.819 --> 04:10:32.959
But it's nice. Yeah. Follow the Fear is another

04:10:32.959 --> 04:10:36.299
one, a Del Close thing. Who said that? Del Close,

04:10:36.579 --> 04:10:40.020
the improv guru. Follow the Fear. You know when

04:10:40.020 --> 04:10:42.219
you're kind of in a thing and you're like, I'm

04:10:42.219 --> 04:10:43.940
freaking out, I'm bombing, I'm flustered, and

04:10:43.940 --> 04:10:46.100
then you come out of it and it's a great moment?

04:10:46.260 --> 04:10:49.639
Yeah. That's great. Buckle. At the Green Room.

04:10:50.040 --> 04:10:52.360
At the mothership, it's going to say, get it

04:10:52.360 --> 04:10:55.239
together, bitch. Oh, nice. Because that's what

04:10:55.239 --> 04:10:57.260
Joey Diaz used to say to me. Oh, really? He used

04:10:57.260 --> 04:10:58.899
to say to me right before I go on stage, get

04:10:58.899 --> 04:11:01.659
it together, bitch. And I would just go on stage

04:11:01.659 --> 04:11:04.659
laughing. I had to follow him during Bert's thing.

04:11:05.180 --> 04:11:07.139
Oh, man, he's the best. It was great. Every time

04:11:07.139 --> 04:11:08.879
he would get off stage, he'd be like, show them

04:11:08.879 --> 04:11:11.299
Philly style, motherfucker. He's so positive

04:11:11.299 --> 04:11:14.860
and fun. He makes you laugh. He's like a community

04:11:14.860 --> 04:11:17.600
guy. He's all about community. Joey calls you

04:11:17.600 --> 04:11:20.030
up to check in on you. Two minute toss. Like,

04:11:20.030 --> 04:11:21.729
anyone I'm with, I gotta take this. It'll be

04:11:21.729 --> 04:11:22.850
on minute. What's up, cocksucker? What are you

04:11:22.850 --> 04:11:25.090
doing, cocksucker? What the fuck you doing down

04:11:25.090 --> 04:11:27.430
there in Austin? I miss you, motherfucker. He

04:11:27.430 --> 04:11:30.530
just checks up on you. You check up on him. He's

04:11:30.530 --> 04:11:34.250
a lovely person. A great guy. And the fact that

04:11:34.250 --> 04:11:36.610
he thought he could sleep in a bunk on a bus

04:11:36.610 --> 04:11:38.889
that didn't last ten minutes, that's hilarious.

04:11:38.969 --> 04:11:41.430
Oh, maybe. What kind of bunk? Thunderous. What?

04:11:41.889 --> 04:11:45.729
Snoring and farting. Fucking Big J. Was in that

04:11:45.729 --> 04:11:48.149
bus. Joey Diaz. Wow. So many people in that bus

04:11:48.149 --> 04:11:51.829
farting and snoring. What is that like? And Burt.

04:11:51.829 --> 04:11:54.250
And Burt took a bunk. It was literally like if

04:11:54.250 --> 04:11:56.389
you thought of the worst people to sleep in a

04:11:56.389 --> 04:11:59.030
fucking bus with. Burt's like, I want to be a

04:11:59.030 --> 04:12:00.409
man of the people. I'm like, get in the back

04:12:00.409 --> 04:12:02.770
of the bus, bitch. The apnea tour. Get your fucking

04:12:02.770 --> 04:12:05.629
spot. It was fully the apnea tour. Yeah, it was.

04:12:06.170 --> 04:12:08.930
How could it make it? Sponsored by Trouble Breeder.

04:12:08.930 --> 04:12:09.709
He was back there, he was like, stop the bus.

04:12:09.770 --> 04:12:11.549
Is that a fun way to do it? A lot of guys were

04:12:11.549 --> 04:12:13.299
like, stop the bus. Is that a fun way? way to

04:12:13.299 --> 04:12:15.040
do it. It was fun. It was incredible. We watched

04:12:15.040 --> 04:12:17.520
movies every night. Oh, it was so fun. Is it

04:12:17.520 --> 04:12:19.979
better to do it in a bus, you think? Yes. I'm

04:12:19.979 --> 04:12:22.379
going to try it next year. It wears on you with

04:12:22.379 --> 04:12:25.559
all those guys, but we had a blast. Yeah. The

04:12:25.559 --> 04:12:28.700
way people talk about, Sturgill talks about buses.

04:12:28.739 --> 04:12:31.180
People talk about buses like, man, it's a fucking

04:12:31.180 --> 04:12:33.340
great time. It's like a constant party. It is

04:12:33.340 --> 04:12:35.340
the best. Time of your life? Well, we watched

04:12:35.340 --> 04:12:38.159
Apocalypto. I think. We watched Apocalypto. Just

04:12:38.159 --> 04:12:40.600
have fun hanging with comics every single day.

04:12:40.840 --> 04:12:43.760
I can't have a bus. I got a family. What? The

04:12:43.760 --> 04:12:46.500
problem is like the weekends as well I do. I

04:12:46.500 --> 04:12:49.680
go out at night like in Austin, but like I'm

04:12:49.680 --> 04:12:51.719
a weekends guy and I don't want to do every weekend.

04:12:51.780 --> 04:12:53.299
When you got a bus, you're committed to going

04:12:53.299 --> 04:12:55.239
one, two, three, four, ten. You're always that

04:12:55.239 --> 04:12:57.079
way. You're always that way. Even at the store

04:12:57.079 --> 04:12:58.600
back before you were really going. You'd be like

04:12:58.600 --> 04:13:01.219
Friday, Saturday coming in. Yeah. I balance myself

04:13:01.219 --> 04:13:04.780
out. I'll do spots during the week for sure,

04:13:04.920 --> 04:13:08.620
always. But it's like going somewhere to perform

04:13:08.620 --> 04:13:11.020
on the weekend. I don't do that many weekends

04:13:11.020 --> 04:13:14.079
because it's just like you could crack. It would

04:13:14.079 --> 04:13:16.540
be fun with five other comics, though. And it's

04:13:16.540 --> 04:13:18.600
fun when you crack a little bit. Yeah, crack

04:13:18.600 --> 04:13:20.780
a lot. You're like, let's go down to Tijuana.

04:13:20.819 --> 04:13:23.840
We're in San Diego. Let's get some sweaters and

04:13:23.840 --> 04:13:28.819
fentanyl. These are real chicklets. Yeah. I mean,

04:13:28.840 --> 04:13:32.129
Joey, he was fun. Burt was fun. I was jealous,

04:13:32.250 --> 04:13:34.149
for real. You guys all hang out like that. I

04:13:34.149 --> 04:13:36.409
was for real jealous. That sounded great. It's

04:13:36.409 --> 04:13:38.309
such a great idea, too, to do it in those baseball

04:13:38.309 --> 04:13:41.489
parks. Yeah. Such a great... Burt's so good at

04:13:41.489 --> 04:13:43.549
thinking up ideas. He came up with the driving

04:13:43.549 --> 04:13:47.010
movie idea. He's still alive. It's great. He's

04:13:47.010 --> 04:13:49.010
not drinking. It's great. Do you know Sober October

04:13:49.010 --> 04:13:52.350
basically knocked him down 90 % of his drinking?

04:13:52.350 --> 04:13:56.510
Okay, Joe. He tells me. I bet he does. He's a

04:13:56.510 --> 04:14:00.280
yarn spinner. So you don't think he's drinking?

04:14:00.520 --> 04:14:02.120
I think he's drinking hella. This is what he

04:14:02.120 --> 04:14:03.280
always does. He goes, I haven't even drank today.

04:14:03.500 --> 04:14:04.700
And then Tom would be like, what about those

04:14:04.700 --> 04:14:06.260
three drinks at lunch? He goes, oh yeah, those,

04:14:06.399 --> 04:14:09.399
fine. He tells his version of what he's thinking

04:14:09.399 --> 04:14:12.299
of. He drank. It's Burt Kreischer. You think

04:14:12.299 --> 04:14:14.379
he just suddenly stopped drinking? If he did,

04:14:14.520 --> 04:14:16.020
he would still be just as funny and we'd have

04:14:16.020 --> 04:14:18.760
him longer. True. My worry is that he's taking,

04:14:18.959 --> 04:14:22.079
you know, he takes medication and talks about

04:14:22.079 --> 04:14:24.700
it. It's like, that shit's dangerous. That scares

04:14:24.700 --> 04:14:26.579
the shit out of me. While you're drinking and...

04:14:27.100 --> 04:14:29.260
He looks great. What are you talking about? Yeah.

04:14:29.639 --> 04:14:31.959
He's killing it. I'll tell you what, though.

04:14:32.000 --> 04:14:34.059
He's the Jimmy Buffett of comedy. The dude is

04:14:34.059 --> 04:14:35.399
an animal. He's the best. He can put it away.

04:14:35.440 --> 04:14:37.659
Great guy. Great egg. So much fun hanging out

04:14:37.659 --> 04:14:39.319
with him. He helps young comics, too. He helps.

04:14:39.319 --> 04:14:41.680
He does. Definitely does. Damn. Is there a better

04:14:41.680 --> 04:14:44.379
guy? Than Bert? Maybe. He's in top five. There's

04:14:44.379 --> 04:14:47.459
levels of guys. There's no better. I mean, Martin

04:14:47.459 --> 04:14:49.100
Luther King hated gays. Martin Luther King, Bert

04:14:49.100 --> 04:14:52.620
Kreischer. Who else? He's a good dude. He's such

04:14:52.620 --> 04:14:54.979
a good dude that after we did that Sober October

04:14:54.979 --> 04:14:56.739
podcast, I called him up. I go, hey, man. And

04:14:56.739 --> 04:14:59.399
you seem worried about stuff that's not important.

04:14:59.559 --> 04:15:01.680
I'm like, you're killing it. Why are you freaking

04:15:01.680 --> 04:15:04.760
out about stupid shit? He's like, this person's

04:15:04.760 --> 04:15:06.559
taking advantage of him, this and that. And I'm

04:15:06.559 --> 04:15:08.579
like, dude, you're the fucking man right now.

04:15:08.680 --> 04:15:10.620
You're killing it. You're doing arenas. You should

04:15:10.620 --> 04:15:12.899
ride this bitch. Ride this bitch like it's a

04:15:12.899 --> 04:15:15.399
giant white rhino. And you've got the reins.

04:15:15.979 --> 04:15:20.739
This is his moment. You can't be getting upset

04:15:20.739 --> 04:15:23.700
about trivial shit. Dude, we invited him to Norman's

04:15:23.700 --> 04:15:25.399
bachelor party. And I was like, he's probably

04:15:25.399 --> 04:15:27.840
too busy, but just invite him. And he goes, oh,

04:15:27.979 --> 04:15:30.079
while I'm coming, matching outfits for everybody.

04:15:30.879 --> 04:15:33.299
He's just like, this is my scene. Yeah, he took

04:15:33.299 --> 04:15:36.500
over, and it was fun. He's an animal. I'm glad

04:15:36.500 --> 04:15:38.579
we do Sober October just to give him a shot.

04:15:38.959 --> 04:15:41.700
That gives him two more years. Give him a shot.

04:15:41.940 --> 04:15:44.899
Just resetting. Well, he's the shirtless drunk

04:15:44.899 --> 04:15:47.100
guy, but people don't give him his due for how

04:15:47.100 --> 04:15:49.549
innovative he is. Well, we were talking about

04:15:49.549 --> 04:15:51.209
what he came up the drive -in thing. He came

04:15:51.209 --> 04:15:53.190
up with his baseball arena. It's just like he's

04:15:53.190 --> 04:15:54.989
a great marketer. Oh, yeah. The way he puts together

04:15:54.989 --> 04:15:57.790
those promos are hilarious. Promo content in

04:15:57.790 --> 04:16:00.309
one. Blurred. And he takes his shirt off, and

04:16:00.309 --> 04:16:01.969
it's the loudest pop that anyone's ever heard

04:16:01.969 --> 04:16:05.010
in all of comedy. If only he knew his kids' names.

04:16:05.030 --> 04:16:08.209
When he did it at the Vulcan. When he did it

04:16:08.209 --> 04:16:09.549
at the Vulcan the other night, we were like,

04:16:09.569 --> 04:16:13.370
what the fuck, man? Oh, he was here? Yeah. Takes

04:16:13.370 --> 04:16:15.469
his shirt off. I would love to see a collage

04:16:15.469 --> 04:16:20.889
of videos of him going home shirtless. his skin

04:16:20.889 --> 04:16:23.969
bio must be so healthy he comes in contact with

04:16:23.969 --> 04:16:26.780
so many other people it was cute so many Sorry.

04:16:26.879 --> 04:16:29.139
No, I'm just saying so many fat guys like slobbering

04:16:29.139 --> 04:16:31.299
with their sweaty body on top of his sweaty body.

04:16:31.799 --> 04:16:33.899
Taking photos because they all take their shirts

04:16:33.899 --> 04:16:35.760
off for photos. They love it. They want the sweat.

04:16:35.879 --> 04:16:37.520
Man, that tour was the fucking shit. That was

04:16:37.520 --> 04:16:40.299
the best. God damn it. We had a great time. By

04:16:40.299 --> 04:16:42.159
the way, the mushrooms haven't gone away. Yeah.

04:16:42.280 --> 04:16:45.399
I went and took a piss. We have ours. Don't worry.

04:16:45.399 --> 04:16:47.260
They were still right there. We got to get some

04:16:47.260 --> 04:16:49.100
food in us. We should get some food. But I'm

04:16:49.100 --> 04:16:51.799
just, yeah. Yeah, we can talk about it because

04:16:51.799 --> 04:16:55.219
you weren't invited to the tour. Just walking

04:16:55.219 --> 04:16:58.020
on the baseball field at night, like you get

04:16:58.020 --> 04:16:59.379
done with the set and then you're walking back

04:16:59.379 --> 04:17:03.059
to the fucking locker room to get a beer. You're

04:17:03.059 --> 04:17:05.280
literally walking in the outfield during the

04:17:05.280 --> 04:17:08.299
summer night. Look at that dog. He loves him.

04:17:08.659 --> 04:17:12.180
She fucking loves him. Hey. That's a girl, bro.

04:17:12.479 --> 04:17:15.120
Is it a girl? That's a girl. He calls her a boy.

04:17:15.180 --> 04:17:18.819
He's crazy. Oh, he whimpered. Are you sure? There's

04:17:18.819 --> 04:17:21.739
a dick there. Yeah. Look at that dog. Ah, there

04:17:21.739 --> 04:17:24.979
you go, JMO. That is like a deep love. And it's

04:17:24.979 --> 04:17:26.879
not anti -Semitic. It's crazy because I thought

04:17:26.879 --> 04:17:30.899
that was because she was a rescue dog. No, that's

04:17:30.899 --> 04:17:33.360
just Ari. Well, he takes that thing to Guatemala

04:17:33.360 --> 04:17:36.540
and shit. I've rarely seen a dog that attached

04:17:36.540 --> 04:17:38.879
to a person. It's really interesting. It's so

04:17:38.879 --> 04:17:41.559
cool seeing Ari with a dog, too. He needed something.

04:17:41.780 --> 04:17:46.299
Oh, my God. Well, he was bombing so much. He's

04:17:46.299 --> 04:17:49.479
different now. He is. He's back, baby. Did you

04:17:49.479 --> 04:17:50.940
hear that pop when he went on stage last night?

04:17:51.360 --> 04:17:53.799
That was inspiring. Well, we saw him. We saw

04:17:53.799 --> 04:17:57.500
him doing it. We watched him build that hour.

04:17:57.819 --> 04:18:00.620
It was like, it is good. It's good. It's funny.

04:18:00.760 --> 04:18:02.819
It's good. I saw him every night at the stand

04:18:02.819 --> 04:18:04.120
in the cellar. We would watch him do it every

04:18:04.120 --> 04:18:05.920
night. We'd be like, dude, Ari's good. This is

04:18:05.920 --> 04:18:08.639
good. It's going to be good. That's a set that

04:18:08.639 --> 04:18:10.739
he had prepared before all that shit happened

04:18:10.739 --> 04:18:13.360
with him. And then he abandoned it, wrote a whole

04:18:13.360 --> 04:18:15.979
new hour, and then we talked him into doing it

04:18:15.979 --> 04:18:18.920
again. I was like, dude, you can't not do that

04:18:18.920 --> 04:18:20.959
set. That set's so good. What are you doing with

04:18:20.959 --> 04:18:24.819
it? And he's like, I don't know. Maybe. Maybe

04:18:24.819 --> 04:18:26.579
I'll go back to it. I go, dude, you've got to

04:18:26.579 --> 04:18:28.600
go back to it. Go back to it. Pick it up. Do

04:18:28.600 --> 04:18:30.940
it again. It's already done. The time helped

04:18:30.940 --> 04:18:32.659
him, though. Adding that extra time really polished

04:18:32.659 --> 04:18:35.219
it. Time helps, man. It really does. It does.

04:18:35.360 --> 04:18:37.459
Like, we were talking about those Kinison specials.

04:18:37.459 --> 04:18:39.200
They're back -to -back, year after year. You

04:18:39.200 --> 04:18:40.920
can't do that, man. It's like kiss of death.

04:18:41.040 --> 04:18:42.379
And, you know, he was, like, one of the first

04:18:42.379 --> 04:18:44.379
guys to realize that because he went on tour

04:18:44.379 --> 04:18:46.920
after he did HBO, and apparently he was, like,

04:18:46.920 --> 04:18:48.920
trying to do some of the same bits. And people

04:18:48.920 --> 04:18:50.799
knew the bits, and they were yelling out punchlines

04:18:50.799 --> 04:18:52.200
and shit. It was like, oh, my God, I have to

04:18:52.200 --> 04:18:55.350
write all new bits. I think Louie fucked that

04:18:55.350 --> 04:18:58.149
up. Louie can do it because he's one of the best,

04:18:58.209 --> 04:19:00.790
but a lot of people thought, I'll do an hour

04:19:00.790 --> 04:19:02.870
a year, whatever. It's like, no, they need to

04:19:02.870 --> 04:19:05.010
marinate. They need to marinate. There's no rush.

04:19:06.010 --> 04:19:08.190
You're making a mountain out of layers of paint.

04:19:08.469 --> 04:19:11.530
Yeah. It takes a little time. Sometimes it doesn't.

04:19:12.309 --> 04:19:14.549
Sometimes bits come, but sometimes you're like,

04:19:14.610 --> 04:19:16.010
a year later, you're like, oh, that's a better

04:19:16.010 --> 04:19:19.100
ending. Yes, exactly. And you're like, fuck,

04:19:19.180 --> 04:19:21.520
I already recorded it. All the time. That sucks.

04:19:22.420 --> 04:19:24.100
After you fucking recorded something, you have

04:19:24.100 --> 04:19:26.920
the best tagline ever. You're like, ugh. So it's

04:19:26.920 --> 04:19:28.319
easier to just like, stop doing it. You record,

04:19:28.479 --> 04:19:30.420
it's done. You'll just torture yourself. Yeah,

04:19:30.479 --> 04:19:32.799
but you have to bridge the gap if you're doing

04:19:32.799 --> 04:19:35.020
shows, right? If your special's coming out in

04:19:35.020 --> 04:19:36.979
a few months and you have to do shows, you know

04:19:36.979 --> 04:19:38.940
as well as I do, you don't have a fucking real

04:19:38.940 --> 04:19:42.459
hour after you film. You have like 15 minutes

04:19:42.459 --> 04:19:44.700
if you're lucky within like the first month or

04:19:44.700 --> 04:19:47.420
so. Sure. It's a grind. Rocky, I was talking

04:19:47.420 --> 04:19:49.059
to Schultz about it. Same thing. It's a grind.

04:19:49.500 --> 04:19:52.319
It's so fun, though. Dude, no way this show happens

04:19:52.319 --> 04:19:55.100
tonight. The show's happening. No chance. It

04:19:55.100 --> 04:19:56.899
already didn't happen. You pussies. I called

04:19:56.899 --> 04:20:00.659
it a bomb threat. You pussies. I said, I'm coming,

04:20:00.739 --> 04:20:03.219
baby. And they said, shut it down. Chuck me one

04:20:03.219 --> 04:20:04.319
of those. I'm going to give it try number five.

04:20:04.319 --> 04:20:08.479
I'm definitely going to bomb. Didn't TJ do a

04:20:08.479 --> 04:20:11.000
bomb threat? Yeah, he did. That kind of guy.

04:20:11.059 --> 04:20:12.600
He got in trouble for that one. He apparently

04:20:12.600 --> 04:20:16.190
had a legitimate brain issue. He's a man. Nice

04:20:16.190 --> 04:20:19.489
guy. Just rip that fucking thing. Funny guy.

04:20:19.610 --> 04:20:22.610
He's the man. Talented guy. TJ's the man. He

04:20:22.610 --> 04:20:25.450
left like a real show. He goes, I'm done with

04:20:25.450 --> 04:20:28.129
this. Yeah. Silicon Valley. Yeah. What are you

04:20:28.129 --> 04:20:29.450
doing? You're making money. He goes, it's done.

04:20:29.530 --> 04:20:30.930
This is stupid. I don't want to do this anymore.

04:20:30.930 --> 04:20:33.090
Great bro. No one can riff like that. Like, I

04:20:33.090 --> 04:20:35.790
mean, we talk about top ever in the world. Tim's

04:20:35.790 --> 04:20:39.190
up there. No, but on stage like that. Dude, TJ

04:20:39.190 --> 04:20:41.850
will go on fucking obliterated and just. With

04:20:41.850 --> 04:20:44.819
nothing. Kill. Empty holsters. And just kill

04:20:44.819 --> 04:20:46.399
for like as long as he wants to. No one can do

04:20:46.399 --> 04:20:48.180
that. Wow. Yeah. I won't be able to go on stage

04:20:48.180 --> 04:20:50.879
tonight with rehearsed material. Yeah. Yeah.

04:20:51.000 --> 04:20:53.360
I'm struggling. Yeah. It's interesting how people

04:20:53.360 --> 04:20:55.200
like there's. You can go on and just. Certain

04:20:55.200 --> 04:20:59.840
times where people accept mental illness. He's

04:20:59.840 --> 04:21:02.399
channeled it. We only accept mental illness up

04:21:02.399 --> 04:21:05.040
to a certain extent. And when it's not convenient,

04:21:05.180 --> 04:21:07.440
we don't accept mental illness. That's true.

04:21:07.719 --> 04:21:12.639
Kanye. Yeah. When it's not convenient, we won't

04:21:12.639 --> 04:21:14.799
accept mental illness. But when it's convenient,

04:21:15.120 --> 04:21:17.659
we'll give mental illness every fucking chance

04:21:17.659 --> 04:21:21.139
it can. Yeah, it's fun. It's good art. Yeah.

04:21:21.280 --> 04:21:24.280
Wait till you see, again, Kanye's fucking Amazon.

04:21:25.120 --> 04:21:27.219
It's on Amazon. What? Kanye has a special at

04:21:27.219 --> 04:21:29.059
the L .A. Coliseum. Not a special. A concert.

04:21:29.440 --> 04:21:31.420
Him and Drake. It was like the free Larry Hoover

04:21:31.420 --> 04:21:35.020
thing. It's the best concert. Yeah, he rules.

04:21:35.079 --> 04:21:37.500
Really? He's the best. Kanye's so fucking good.

04:21:37.540 --> 04:21:39.680
It has been for so long. It's just he's getting

04:21:39.680 --> 04:21:42.340
wrapped up in all these things that are not like

04:21:42.340 --> 04:21:46.520
what he's best at. You know, these kind of conversations

04:21:46.520 --> 04:21:49.520
about all the shit that's going on. I mean, think

04:21:49.520 --> 04:21:51.079
about all the trouble that's caused him. That's

04:21:51.079 --> 04:21:54.799
an insane amount. of chaos that happened to his

04:21:54.799 --> 04:21:56.639
life in such a short period of time. Everything

04:21:56.639 --> 04:22:00.139
fall apart. I mean, the guy was on top of the

04:22:00.139 --> 04:22:03.139
world. What the fuck? That's the LA Coliseum

04:22:03.139 --> 04:22:06.100
in the background. Whoa. Him with the Tron outfit,

04:22:06.200 --> 04:22:07.840
all this stuff. He puts on a show. Give me some

04:22:07.840 --> 04:22:11.620
volume, Jamie. Who's Larry Hoover? He's the gangster

04:22:11.620 --> 04:22:17.079
disciples in Chicago. This is a crazy set design.

04:22:28.649 --> 04:22:31.750
Whoa fun to watch the set design is a real insane

04:22:31.750 --> 04:22:36.129
that guy should get an award he did That's great.

04:22:36.270 --> 04:22:40.370
Probably a Jew probably true Every song every

04:22:40.370 --> 04:22:53.500
songs a hit he's had like 20 years It's insane.

04:22:53.620 --> 04:22:56.219
He's so small compared to that fucking place.

04:22:56.299 --> 04:22:58.420
That guy should do stand -up sets. He's going

04:22:58.420 --> 04:23:00.479
through like a manic episode of people like,

04:23:00.540 --> 04:23:02.739
Kanye, slow down. And then he's like, no, I'm

04:23:02.739 --> 04:23:05.420
God. Right, right. I'm in the middle of the L

04:23:05.420 --> 04:23:08.200
.A. Coliseum murdering. Wow. I'm literally like.

04:23:08.639 --> 04:23:10.799
But don't you think that some of what people

04:23:10.799 --> 04:23:13.899
would call mental illness. It allows him to be

04:23:13.899 --> 04:23:17.920
able to be that dynamic on stage. And it's a

04:23:17.920 --> 04:23:19.659
gift. Of course. It's a gift, but it's a gift

04:23:19.659 --> 04:23:21.459
that has to be managed. He says it's his superpower.

04:23:21.780 --> 04:23:24.120
He uses it. Right. Well, that was the thing,

04:23:24.120 --> 04:23:25.680
like when they drugged him up. Remember when

04:23:25.680 --> 04:23:28.000
they drugged him up and he got chubby? Oh, yeah.

04:23:28.139 --> 04:23:29.700
Oh, yeah. There's another one? They had this

04:23:29.700 --> 04:23:32.000
crazy mountain on the stage. It made snow inside.

04:23:32.180 --> 04:23:34.540
Jesus Christ. He made snow inside. Remember when

04:23:34.540 --> 04:23:37.120
he was in Chicago? He had his mom's house. That

04:23:37.120 --> 04:23:39.040
shit was cool. Bro, before he did the podcast,

04:23:39.100 --> 04:23:41.659
when Jamie got COVID, unfortunately, we had to

04:23:41.659 --> 04:23:44.920
make things happen quickly, and we had to use

04:23:44.920 --> 04:23:46.780
a set that we had. He wanted to design his own

04:23:46.780 --> 04:23:50.379
set. No way. Yeah, he had illustrations. He wanted

04:23:50.379 --> 04:23:53.170
to design a set that looked like a womb. And

04:23:53.170 --> 04:23:54.770
we're going to do it in a warehouse somewhere.

04:23:55.030 --> 04:23:56.750
And I was like, you down for this, Jamie? Jamie's

04:23:56.750 --> 04:24:00.270
like, I mean, I fucking, I guess so. And then

04:24:00.270 --> 04:24:03.229
Jamie got COVID. So we had to bring in Red Band,

04:24:03.329 --> 04:24:05.809
had to fill in for Jamie. And so I'm like, I

04:24:05.809 --> 04:24:09.790
go, Kanye, my producer's sick. So we're going

04:24:09.790 --> 04:24:12.270
to have to do it with a step -in producer who

04:24:12.270 --> 04:24:15.110
doesn't particularly know the setup as well.

04:24:15.149 --> 04:24:17.329
He doesn't do it. But let's just do it at the

04:24:17.329 --> 04:24:20.770
studio. It'll be easier. And to his credit, he

04:24:20.770 --> 04:24:23.020
just. Let it go. He thought our studio looked

04:24:23.020 --> 04:24:26.239
like shit, but it did. The red one kind of looked

04:24:26.239 --> 04:24:28.600
stupid. Oh, that was a weird studio. It was an

04:24:28.600 --> 04:24:30.780
idea. It didn't work. I thought it looked cool

04:24:30.780 --> 04:24:32.120
at first, and then after a while, I was like,

04:24:32.139 --> 04:24:33.860
what is this? It's like a toaster. What does

04:24:33.860 --> 04:24:37.940
this represent? Infrared fucking weirdo hot box.

04:24:38.219 --> 04:24:41.739
Right. You tried it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Radio

04:24:41.739 --> 04:24:43.760
Raheem called it the red pill. I was like, that's

04:24:43.760 --> 04:24:48.079
been taken. That's got so many negative connotations.

04:24:48.180 --> 04:24:50.299
I know, I know. Which one's the red pill? Go

04:24:50.299 --> 04:24:51.920
back to the Matrix? No, that's the one in real

04:24:51.920 --> 04:24:54.379
life. The red pill's real life. Oh, is that right?

04:24:54.579 --> 04:24:56.260
Yeah, the blue pill takes you back to the Matrix.

04:24:56.620 --> 04:24:58.959
Take the red pill, mean see reality for what

04:24:58.959 --> 04:25:01.100
it is. There's a black pill now. Yeah, that's

04:25:01.100 --> 04:25:04.579
death and destruction. The idea is if you're

04:25:04.579 --> 04:25:07.219
a person who sees where it's all going. That

04:25:07.219 --> 04:25:11.450
was sick. Damn. Is he on fire? Yeah. He set himself

04:25:11.450 --> 04:25:14.469
on fire? Jay Leno. Jesus Christ, dude. That was

04:25:14.469 --> 04:25:17.010
like a Repco's family house or something. How

04:25:17.010 --> 04:25:19.110
insane is the production that he does? And then

04:25:19.110 --> 04:25:22.010
they run up on him and douse him. Holy shit.

04:25:22.010 --> 04:25:24.090
And then he goes back and performs. Look, the

04:25:24.090 --> 04:25:27.629
guy. He's on such another level. The guy's on

04:25:27.629 --> 04:25:29.930
another level, man. I mean, that kind of thinking.

04:25:30.090 --> 04:25:32.120
He wanted to do a podcast in a womb. Can you

04:25:32.120 --> 04:25:34.780
imagine if Jamie didn't get COVID? If Jamie wasn't

04:25:34.780 --> 04:25:36.659
hanging out with floozies. Jamie, what were you

04:25:36.659 --> 04:25:39.899
doing? In the middle of the pandemic, Jamie out

04:25:39.899 --> 04:25:43.780
floozying around. What were you doing, Jamie?

04:25:43.940 --> 04:25:46.559
Some downtown whiskey joint. You've been in Austin

04:25:46.559 --> 04:25:48.079
for six weeks. What am I supposed to do? He's

04:25:48.079 --> 04:25:50.280
out floozying around. That's a good point. Point

04:25:50.280 --> 04:25:54.000
is, that podcast could have been in a womb. Coxman.

04:25:54.879 --> 04:25:57.840
Jamie definitely has a big ass dick. Coxman's

04:25:57.840 --> 04:26:01.500
a great term. Doesn't taste bad either. All right,

04:26:01.500 --> 04:26:04.159
fellas. All right. Nobody wants to hear it doesn't

04:26:04.159 --> 04:26:07.149
taste bad. A lot of big hogs in here. That is

04:26:07.149 --> 04:26:08.909
annoying when girls go, it tastes so good. I'm

04:26:08.909 --> 04:26:11.549
like, it's skin, you kook. Shit, who says that?

04:26:11.629 --> 04:26:15.450
It's skin, you kook. He smacked her. Did you

04:26:15.450 --> 04:26:20.030
see what he did? It's skin, you kook. Suck in

04:26:20.030 --> 04:26:25.030
Norman's dick. It's skin, you kook. You're going

04:26:25.030 --> 04:26:27.930
to lie to me with the, oh, it tastes so good.

04:26:28.010 --> 04:26:29.670
Shut up. That'd be one of the greatest things

04:26:29.670 --> 04:26:31.430
someone's ever said. It's not a blow pop. It's

04:26:31.430 --> 04:26:34.489
skin, you kook. And then a gentle smack. Yeah,

04:26:34.670 --> 04:26:38.379
give her a little raspberry. Sucking a guy's

04:26:38.379 --> 04:26:42.600
dick in the 30s. That's crazy. With a Tommy gun.

04:26:43.200 --> 04:26:46.879
I gave you a kook. Shut up, bitch. She's sucking

04:26:46.879 --> 04:26:49.600
your dick while she's holding a Tommy gun. You

04:26:49.600 --> 04:26:52.639
guys just robbed a bank together. Imagine what

04:26:52.639 --> 04:26:54.680
those fucking days must have been like. When

04:26:54.680 --> 04:26:56.479
people were just driving around with Tommy guns,

04:26:56.559 --> 04:26:59.180
robbing banks. Oh, those are the better days.

04:26:59.379 --> 04:27:02.219
Bro, people rob banks. Negative time. Bonnie

04:27:02.219 --> 04:27:04.819
and Clyde. Truly negative experience. They figured

04:27:04.819 --> 04:27:07.059
out they could just pull guns on people and get

04:27:07.059 --> 04:27:08.659
a bunch of money and run away. And there was

04:27:08.659 --> 04:27:10.940
no internet. Yeah, just get away. No fingerprints.

04:27:11.459 --> 04:27:14.260
No internet. They all got murdered. They didn't

04:27:14.260 --> 04:27:16.639
get murdered. They all got shot. They all tried

04:27:16.639 --> 04:27:21.180
to have a shootout behind a mattress. How many

04:27:21.180 --> 04:27:23.739
people actually got away with bank robberies,

04:27:23.739 --> 04:27:25.440
though? That's a good question. By the way, I

04:27:25.440 --> 04:27:26.920
don't know if it's a great thing to promote here.

04:27:27.059 --> 04:27:29.659
You can get away. I think if you rob one bank,

04:27:29.700 --> 04:27:32.319
it's like 70%. you get away with it. Really?

04:27:32.340 --> 04:27:34.500
Really. It's the guys who go for the rush. Like

04:27:34.500 --> 04:27:36.340
if you go and get a makeup specialist to give

04:27:36.340 --> 04:27:38.540
you a fake nose. I think you walk into a bank.

04:27:40.280 --> 04:27:43.000
Ski mask. Ski mask. They can't find you. Consequently,

04:27:43.000 --> 04:27:45.159
many bank robbers are caught the same day. The

04:27:45.159 --> 04:27:47.000
clearance rate for bank robbery is among the

04:27:47.000 --> 04:27:49.659
highest of all crimes at nearly 60%. Wow. That's

04:27:49.659 --> 04:27:51.700
not great. That's not a good rate. I don't want

04:27:51.700 --> 04:27:54.319
to promote it. Yeah. Jesus. But you can walk

04:27:54.319 --> 04:27:56.459
into a bank with it. The craziest thing is that

04:27:56.459 --> 04:27:57.680
- You have a 60 % chance of getting away with

04:27:57.680 --> 04:28:00.959
it. NASCAR is from bootleggers. Yep. Isn't that

04:28:00.959 --> 04:28:03.299
insane? We have a sport. Yeah, it makes sense,

04:28:03.299 --> 04:28:05.180
though. Made by these guys rush killing it. They

04:28:05.180 --> 04:28:07.139
wanted to figure out better cars, cars that could

04:28:07.139 --> 04:28:11.120
outrun the cops. Yeah. So they hot -rodded. They

04:28:11.120 --> 04:28:14.200
should make NASCAR guys go drunk. Dude, the first

04:28:14.200 --> 04:28:16.219
time I ever did radio in the South, I remember

04:28:16.219 --> 04:28:17.739
them bringing up NASCAR. I was like, what are

04:28:17.739 --> 04:28:19.489
you guys talking about? And they're like, you

04:28:19.489 --> 04:28:21.670
didn't see what Dale did? I go, what? What are

04:28:21.670 --> 04:28:23.969
you talking about? And they're like, to them,

04:28:24.010 --> 04:28:26.030
it was just everybody knew. They cared so much

04:28:26.030 --> 04:28:28.670
more than we cared. All these people were famous.

04:28:28.969 --> 04:28:31.469
It was like, I was realizing, this is pre -internet.

04:28:32.069 --> 04:28:33.809
There's places where you go, there's people that

04:28:33.809 --> 04:28:36.209
were famous, you had no idea who they were. You

04:28:36.209 --> 04:28:40.190
were with me. We went to Charlie Goodnight's

04:28:40.190 --> 04:28:42.469
in Raleigh, North Carolina. Great club. And then

04:28:42.469 --> 04:28:45.149
we went to the Honky Tonk Bar. Do you remember

04:28:45.149 --> 04:28:48.280
that? What happened? They let him in? No, nothing

04:28:48.280 --> 04:28:50.620
bad happened. We were in the Honky Tonk bar and

04:28:50.620 --> 04:28:54.379
we're these fucking dorks from L .A. We're these

04:28:54.379 --> 04:28:58.120
dorks from L .A. And this song comes on and everyone

04:28:58.120 --> 04:29:01.809
knows the words. And they're singing along. And

04:29:01.809 --> 04:29:04.930
if you ask Ari and I whether or not that was

04:29:04.930 --> 04:29:06.309
a real song, we're like, that's not a real song.

04:29:06.549 --> 04:29:09.209
Is this a flash mob? What's going on? They all

04:29:09.209 --> 04:29:11.729
sang along like we were being pranked. And we

04:29:11.729 --> 04:29:13.409
were like, this is a famous song. And it's not

04:29:13.409 --> 04:29:15.149
like I know it, but I don't really know it. It's

04:29:15.149 --> 04:29:16.469
like, I've never heard of it. Have you heard

04:29:16.469 --> 04:29:18.809
of this? Never heard of the band. Never heard

04:29:18.809 --> 04:29:21.270
of the song. Because this is like when the internet

04:29:21.270 --> 04:29:23.370
wasn't really popular. It was regional. It was

04:29:23.370 --> 04:29:26.409
totally regional. These fucking people all sang

04:29:26.409 --> 04:29:29.170
along. They were all dancing and shit, and we

04:29:29.170 --> 04:29:33.129
were like, whoa, this is crazy. Regional was

04:29:33.129 --> 04:29:35.290
nice. It was kind of nice. I liked regional.

04:29:35.290 --> 04:29:37.590
You had a community. Like a bunch of Vikings.

04:29:37.649 --> 04:29:40.909
There was cultures. Yeah. Now it's all the same.

04:29:40.950 --> 04:29:43.030
I think that's why we like Boston shit so much,

04:29:43.030 --> 04:29:44.729
because it's like, ah, Harvard, yeah, and all

04:29:44.729 --> 04:29:47.340
that, because it's rare now. They still have

04:29:47.340 --> 04:29:49.520
some culture. There were scenes, too, like the

04:29:49.520 --> 04:29:51.459
L .A. punk scene, the D .C. punk scene. They

04:29:51.459 --> 04:29:53.239
had their own vibe. You could tell where somebody

04:29:53.239 --> 04:29:55.920
came from. Seattle grunts. Yes, that's a good

04:29:55.920 --> 04:29:58.219
one. Boy, is that represented by the fucking

04:29:58.219 --> 04:30:01.620
climate, huh? Oh, yeah. Just dour and draining.

04:30:03.200 --> 04:30:06.219
That's so true, yeah. They're just like, no,

04:30:06.219 --> 04:30:10.940
no, no, respect women or whatever. Suicide rates

04:30:10.940 --> 04:30:16.309
higher in Seattle. It's high as fuck. Then you

04:30:16.309 --> 04:30:18.750
got to get outside kids get some vitamin D in

04:30:18.750 --> 04:30:20.629
your system or you could fucking kill yourself

04:30:21.469 --> 04:30:23.370
Why go outside when you can just kill yourself?

04:30:23.809 --> 04:30:25.930
Go outside kind of sucks. You can just fucking

04:30:25.930 --> 04:30:27.690
kill yourself. I think the mushrooms are wearing

04:30:27.690 --> 04:30:33.389
off. This is goddamn Zinpax. It's designed by

04:30:33.389 --> 04:30:35.290
the government. But yeah, we did that. The Fully

04:30:35.290 --> 04:30:37.290
Loaded, we did a NASCAR track. Oh, it was great.

04:30:37.409 --> 04:30:39.030
And the guy took us around on the NASCAR, and

04:30:39.030 --> 04:30:41.469
he's like, hey, 100 ,000 people come to this

04:30:41.469 --> 04:30:43.770
every week. We're like, what? People love it.

04:30:43.889 --> 04:30:45.370
It was the largest college football game. It's

04:30:45.370 --> 04:30:47.610
a tailgate. It's a big tailgate. It's a big tailgate.

04:30:48.030 --> 04:30:49.969
It's a big tribal thing, too. Everybody gets

04:30:49.969 --> 04:30:54.139
together. Williams Grove. Williams Grove. Right

04:30:54.139 --> 04:30:57.379
by my parents' house. Williams Grove. Don't people

04:30:57.379 --> 04:30:59.700
die there every year? Yeah, they get hit by tires

04:30:59.700 --> 04:31:01.860
right in the fucking face. It's fun to watch

04:31:01.860 --> 04:31:04.940
on video. Tires fly off and they just fucking

04:31:04.940 --> 04:31:07.659
careen into the audience. Yeah. They're doing

04:31:07.659 --> 04:31:10.459
the F1 in Vegas next year. Oh, really? On the

04:31:10.459 --> 04:31:12.659
strip. Really? Oh, my God. That's going to be

04:31:12.659 --> 04:31:14.579
insane. Is that F1? That's going to be insane.

04:31:14.700 --> 04:31:17.280
I don't think people die all the time in NASCAR.

04:31:17.280 --> 04:31:19.200
No, the one by Shane's house. I'll say this.

04:31:19.319 --> 04:31:21.739
The ones I went, at Williams Grove, I went to

04:31:21.739 --> 04:31:25.000
a dude, the car flew out and landed on a guy.

04:31:25.100 --> 04:31:27.079
Oh, my God. That was like two years ago. Oh,

04:31:27.079 --> 04:31:29.479
my God. You saw that? Driver died, yeah. Really?

04:31:29.760 --> 04:31:32.940
Jesus Christ. I mean, yeah. You ever see those

04:31:32.940 --> 04:31:35.739
Le Mans? Those Le Mans in the 60s? No, you saw

04:31:35.739 --> 04:31:38.040
that? You saw a guy get hit with a flying car?

04:31:38.569 --> 04:31:40.530
I mean, I was in the mob in the middle of the,

04:31:40.690 --> 04:31:42.450
yeah. He was pounding a beer. That's like a scene

04:31:42.450 --> 04:31:45.090
in a movie. That's like a scene in a movie. The

04:31:45.090 --> 04:31:47.989
flying car coming at you, it pauses and says,

04:31:48.129 --> 04:31:50.950
let me tell you how I got here. And then the

04:31:50.950 --> 04:31:53.610
movie starts and it backs up. So before the guy

04:31:53.610 --> 04:31:57.889
dies. Final destination. Just some wild ass movie

04:31:57.889 --> 04:32:01.309
that ends with this guy getting obliterated by

04:32:01.309 --> 04:32:03.069
the car. And at the end of the movie, you're

04:32:03.069 --> 04:32:05.850
like, holy shit, what a movie. No wonder you

04:32:05.850 --> 04:32:08.420
like Chevy Cruze. That would never fucking fly

04:32:08.420 --> 04:32:10.639
out near you. Yeah, they're not fast enough to

04:32:10.639 --> 04:32:14.600
really kill you. Chevy Cruze? Oh, you say that

04:32:14.600 --> 04:32:16.659
now, dude. The Cruze will get you. Bro, you love

04:32:16.659 --> 04:32:20.719
them. You're committed. Ari, are you going to

04:32:20.719 --> 04:32:24.920
get a BMW? No. It's a fucking New York, dude.

04:32:25.000 --> 04:32:26.440
You can't get anything. Hold on. You'll like

04:32:26.440 --> 04:32:30.379
this. Whoa. Oh, that's a dude fell out of that.

04:32:30.559 --> 04:32:33.840
A dude fell out of that. Nope. No, he's still

04:32:33.840 --> 04:32:36.579
in there. He's done. He's like a rag doll. What

04:32:36.579 --> 04:32:39.700
is that? Oh, Jesus Christ. You can literally,

04:32:39.760 --> 04:32:41.579
you hear this from my parents' house. You can

04:32:41.579 --> 04:32:43.860
see the lights and hear this. Oh, my God. Every

04:32:43.860 --> 04:32:45.780
summer night, I hear that a summer night. The

04:32:45.780 --> 04:32:48.000
greatest drivers of all time have died driving.

04:32:48.079 --> 04:32:51.379
Why don't the Jews make a car? Good question.

04:32:51.479 --> 04:32:53.860
Why don't the Jews make a car? They don't really

04:32:53.860 --> 04:32:56.379
make much. Are they into manufacturing stuff

04:32:56.379 --> 04:32:58.319
like that? Well, they own whoever makes it. Yeah.

04:32:58.319 --> 04:33:00.280
But why is it a Jew -run car? Because they're

04:33:00.280 --> 04:33:01.440
always like, when I grew up, they're like, don't

04:33:01.440 --> 04:33:03.639
get an Audi, don't get a BMW, don't get a Mercedes.

04:33:04.299 --> 04:33:06.380
What is it about those German and European cars

04:33:06.380 --> 04:33:08.479
that are so goddamn good? They're the best. German

04:33:08.479 --> 04:33:09.840
-specific, though. German and Japanese. How are

04:33:09.840 --> 04:33:12.319
they so good at this? Bro, Porsche? Those cars

04:33:12.319 --> 04:33:15.159
are fucking amazing. They're perfect. The new

04:33:15.159 --> 04:33:16.939
ones, they just keep getting them better and

04:33:16.939 --> 04:33:19.240
better and better. And then the new 911 is so

04:33:19.240 --> 04:33:21.400
good, it's sensational. You drive it, you're

04:33:21.400 --> 04:33:23.939
like, I can't believe how good they are. They

04:33:23.939 --> 04:33:26.119
keep making the same thing every year better.

04:33:26.419 --> 04:33:28.880
That's how good the 911 was. 911 happened, and

04:33:28.880 --> 04:33:30.200
they're like, we're not changing the name. We're

04:33:30.200 --> 04:33:33.319
not changing shit. Get over it. Get over it.

04:33:33.360 --> 04:33:36.500
This car's too cool. They sold a 2001 911. Yeah.

04:33:36.860 --> 04:33:40.099
They sold a 2002 911. This is a 2001 911. Bro,

04:33:40.099 --> 04:33:43.400
I own a 2002 911. That was like the first nice

04:33:43.400 --> 04:33:45.240
car. I got one of the first nice cars. The Bronco

04:33:45.240 --> 04:33:47.220
went away, but now it's back. Bronco went away.

04:33:47.279 --> 04:33:49.819
Oh, Bronco never went away. It did. It did. It

04:33:49.819 --> 04:33:51.259
stopped making it for a little bit, right? It

04:33:51.259 --> 04:33:52.599
did, yeah. Oh, that's right. They're like that

04:33:52.599 --> 04:33:55.240
press. But I think about the Restomods and shit.

04:33:55.259 --> 04:33:56.779
People always bought Broncos. I love a Bronco.

04:33:56.779 --> 04:34:00.000
You know who had the dopest Bronco? OJ Simpson.

04:34:00.639 --> 04:34:05.639
Got a nice white one. Didn't Mark Curry have

04:34:05.639 --> 04:34:10.500
a Bronco that got, I think Mark Curry had a Bronco

04:34:10.500 --> 04:34:13.450
that a fucking tree fell on it. Mark Curry's

04:34:13.450 --> 04:34:17.389
a car guy. Curry Underwood. Show the image. Mark

04:34:17.389 --> 04:34:20.889
Curry's Bronco. He had this dope resto mod Bronco

04:34:20.889 --> 04:34:24.630
that he had tricked out. And he sprang to the

04:34:24.630 --> 04:34:28.590
comedy store. What happened? A tree fell on it?

04:34:28.669 --> 04:34:31.270
A tree fell on his fucking truck, man. He got

04:34:31.270 --> 04:34:34.409
it in 1995 and it got destroyed by fucking nature.

04:34:34.689 --> 04:34:38.630
And not only that, he kept it and updated it

04:34:38.630 --> 04:34:41.270
and tricked it out. It was nice. Damn. He's got

04:34:41.270 --> 04:34:46.639
insurance? a tree? I don't know. That's what

04:34:46.639 --> 04:34:47.840
I was going to ask earlier. Do you think they

04:34:47.840 --> 04:34:49.659
had to change art insurance now that people are

04:34:49.659 --> 04:34:52.200
gluing themselves to walls and shit? Confederate

04:34:52.200 --> 04:34:53.759
insurance and shit like that. Because they're

04:34:53.759 --> 04:34:56.000
throwing soup at paintings. You have to make

04:34:56.000 --> 04:34:57.759
sure that that painting is fucking protected.

04:34:57.779 --> 04:35:00.799
What if they don't know any better and they throw

04:35:00.799 --> 04:35:04.159
something that eats through whatever the protective

04:35:04.159 --> 04:35:06.439
layer is and actually destroys the painting?

04:35:06.619 --> 04:35:09.720
I think it's wild in museums that it's not just

04:35:09.720 --> 04:35:11.740
behind glass. You can just walk up and touch

04:35:11.740 --> 04:35:14.409
it. Like, every piece. But they've had that for

04:35:14.409 --> 04:35:16.930
fucking centuries, and these animals never glued

04:35:16.930 --> 04:35:19.130
themselves to the walls. Animals. People are

04:35:19.130 --> 04:35:21.630
so crazy. They're dumb. We are going to stop.

04:35:21.790 --> 04:35:24.110
She was so posh, too, those girls that were on

04:35:24.110 --> 04:35:26.369
Patrick, Pat, David. They were so posh. I know.

04:35:26.610 --> 04:35:28.470
Do it at the fucking Tonight Show. Do it at the

04:35:28.470 --> 04:35:31.209
Tonight Show. Yeah. Well, it's called Progresso.

04:35:31.669 --> 04:35:34.349
Whatever the... All right. We're talking about

04:35:34.349 --> 04:35:37.369
them. It does work. I don't see much on the internet

04:35:37.369 --> 04:35:40.720
that makes me actually angry. When I see those

04:35:40.720 --> 04:35:43.180
fucking dorks throw shit on a painting, it actually

04:35:43.180 --> 04:35:44.639
makes me angry. But you're not going to help

04:35:44.639 --> 04:35:47.439
the environment after. Me? I'll make some adjustments.

04:35:47.880 --> 04:35:50.779
It's like, aw. I'll make some adjustments. They

04:35:50.779 --> 04:35:53.599
aggravate art insurers' climate headache. It's

04:35:53.599 --> 04:35:58.200
a climp. Yeah, man. These people, they just think

04:35:58.200 --> 04:36:00.939
it's okay to ruin art. They have glass on every

04:36:00.939 --> 04:36:03.000
painting, though, I think. I think those two

04:36:03.000 --> 04:36:05.639
have ever hooked up. Oh, there's some scissoring

04:36:05.639 --> 04:36:09.220
happening. maybe but the thing is it's like that's

04:36:09.220 --> 04:36:11.619
such a dumb thing to attack they need another

04:36:11.619 --> 04:36:13.720
vietnam why would you attack art why don't you

04:36:13.720 --> 04:36:17.479
just glue yourself to a fucking whatever A power

04:36:17.479 --> 04:36:19.720
station. Would you have one? Why are you gluing

04:36:19.720 --> 04:36:22.259
yourself? No. No. I don't want to push that.

04:36:22.259 --> 04:36:24.159
Kids that did that? Come on, man. That's silly.

04:36:24.299 --> 04:36:25.639
They think they're helping the world. They would

04:36:25.639 --> 04:36:28.119
suck. Their frontal lobe is even fully formed.

04:36:28.400 --> 04:36:29.779
They couldn't do what we do. Right, fellas? What's

04:36:29.779 --> 04:36:33.520
the organization? They couldn't do anything like

04:36:33.520 --> 04:36:35.099
this. They couldn't do shrooms and get drunk?

04:36:35.340 --> 04:36:39.900
Not on this amount of shrooms. At noon? Well,

04:36:40.020 --> 04:36:42.819
they'll be doing OnlyFans soon. What percentage

04:36:42.819 --> 04:36:45.080
of the population will be on OnlyFans by the

04:36:45.080 --> 04:36:47.840
time 2040 rolls? I'm waiting for Greta Thunberg.

04:36:47.860 --> 04:36:49.520
Why are you such a pussy with weed? I don't like

04:36:49.520 --> 04:36:52.580
it. Bro, if we're doing a show, there's zero

04:36:52.580 --> 04:36:54.599
chance. You know what I don't like? What? Cold,

04:36:54.599 --> 04:36:58.040
cold water, but I get it anywhere. Oh. It's good

04:36:58.040 --> 04:37:00.240
for you. I don't get it in fucking cold water

04:37:00.240 --> 04:37:03.759
either. It's good for you. What the fuck? That

04:37:03.759 --> 04:37:06.319
too. I also avoid that. Dude, you should do it.

04:37:06.340 --> 04:37:08.180
Just do it for like 10 seconds. You get out,

04:37:08.200 --> 04:37:10.000
you feel amazing. I like it. I agree. 10 seconds.

04:37:10.000 --> 04:37:12.849
I agree. But weed's not ten seconds. Weed's fucking

04:37:12.849 --> 04:37:16.590
seven hours, and I had a terrible set. And, yeah.

04:37:16.930 --> 04:37:19.889
Weed will fuck you up on stage. All these drugs.

04:37:19.970 --> 04:37:21.569
Do it after you're done with your thing. And

04:37:21.569 --> 04:37:24.729
it's mental. It hurts your brain. Yeah, man.

04:37:26.000 --> 04:37:28.419
Do it this way. Makes you sad. You start thinking

04:37:28.419 --> 04:37:31.159
about the negatives. No, you don't. I do. Yeah.

04:37:31.659 --> 04:37:33.340
That's what you do. You just switch up. Whatever

04:37:33.340 --> 04:37:35.580
you're on, go the other side. No, I think it

04:37:35.580 --> 04:37:37.259
affects different people different ways, man.

04:37:37.319 --> 04:37:39.799
Oh, for sure. Yeah. I like substances. Yeah.

04:37:39.840 --> 04:37:42.000
I love substances. Clearly. I don't like that

04:37:42.000 --> 04:37:44.880
one. Yeah. No, I get it. I've tried them all.

04:37:45.020 --> 04:37:46.840
Neither does Stand Up. Me and Stand Up always

04:37:46.840 --> 04:37:48.240
just joke around with each other about that.

04:37:49.000 --> 04:37:51.860
He's like, just get blackout. Just smoke this.

04:37:51.939 --> 04:37:54.299
Just blackout drunk. He just doesn't like that.

04:37:54.669 --> 04:37:57.869
feeling like ah which i like i like that like

04:37:57.869 --> 04:38:02.700
life is fucking crazy i like that feeling I like

04:38:02.700 --> 04:38:05.500
that feeling of paranoia and lack of control.

04:38:05.840 --> 04:38:08.200
What a nightmare. It's fun. The phone rings.

04:38:08.299 --> 04:38:12.060
I'm freaking out. I like it. Well, you know his

04:38:12.060 --> 04:38:13.860
house burned down. Did you see that? Yeah. Who?

04:38:14.400 --> 04:38:16.000
Stanhope. Stanhope had a house fire. Oh, I did

04:38:16.000 --> 04:38:18.119
see that. That's crazy. What happened? From what?

04:38:18.299 --> 04:38:20.020
It seems like it was in the ceiling. What the

04:38:20.020 --> 04:38:22.119
hell is this? Was it in the ceiling? Was it like

04:38:22.119 --> 04:38:23.200
an electrical fire or something? What are you

04:38:23.200 --> 04:38:25.080
doing, J -Bo? He's a sobber. That's the Jewish

04:38:25.080 --> 04:38:27.639
car? I was like, sobber's a Jewish word. A Jewish

04:38:27.639 --> 04:38:29.919
car. A sobber. That's pretty fucking badass.

04:38:30.319 --> 04:38:33.389
I would get that. It's all notes. Not really.

04:38:33.450 --> 04:38:35.470
I wouldn't be seen driving that thing. It's a

04:38:35.470 --> 04:38:37.569
honker. That's one where you have a monkey driving

04:38:37.569 --> 04:38:39.630
it and you're in the back. That's actually a

04:38:39.630 --> 04:38:41.470
cool looking car. That is kind of cool. That's

04:38:41.470 --> 04:38:44.009
very cool. I changed my mind. That's a cool looking

04:38:44.009 --> 04:38:44.909
car. Is there a Star of David on that thing?

04:38:44.909 --> 04:38:46.650
It's hard to see what a car looks like unless

04:38:46.650 --> 04:38:48.389
you're standing over it. I bet Leno has that.

04:38:49.069 --> 04:38:50.830
Photos are always weird. If I was standing next

04:38:50.830 --> 04:38:53.669
to that car, it'd be so funny. I guarantee you.

04:38:53.750 --> 04:38:57.209
It's not a Mazda. It's a Mazda. All right. I'll

04:38:57.209 --> 04:39:01.380
see you all in hell. Oh, that's cool. Not bad,

04:39:01.439 --> 04:39:03.240
dude. Lady looks like she's having a good time.

04:39:03.439 --> 04:39:08.439
I dig it. What? It's nice. She's having fun.

04:39:08.759 --> 04:39:10.520
It's a little drafty. We let her drive here.

04:39:10.560 --> 04:39:13.159
Only part of the region. Look into my hood scoop.

04:39:14.060 --> 04:39:15.880
Look at the hood scoop. Functional hood scoop.

04:39:16.000 --> 04:39:19.659
Yes or no? Hood scoop. This guy's in food, huh?

04:39:19.860 --> 04:39:22.900
Mazza Miata. Shall we end this? Wait. What were

04:39:22.900 --> 04:39:24.259
we talking about? We had something I wanted to

04:39:24.259 --> 04:39:26.080
pull up. We just talked about it. Fire it up.

04:39:26.400 --> 04:39:28.759
Fire it up. Fire it up, Jamie. Oh, the house

04:39:28.759 --> 04:39:31.459
burning down. Oh, yeah. Steno. Steno house burning

04:39:31.459 --> 04:39:33.860
down. It was in the ceiling. Jamie's got to restart

04:39:33.860 --> 04:39:36.299
the computer. He said he ran in. He didn't know

04:39:36.299 --> 04:39:38.060
what to grab. Was it in the ceiling where the

04:39:38.060 --> 04:39:39.659
fire broke? This is the first I'm hearing about

04:39:39.659 --> 04:39:41.299
it. He grabbed the back of the cigarette. I think

04:39:41.299 --> 04:39:48.299
it burned. It literally made for burning. Get

04:39:48.299 --> 04:39:51.680
the kindling. I lived out there for a month.

04:39:51.700 --> 04:39:54.500
That house is so fucking funny. You lived in

04:39:54.500 --> 04:39:56.139
Steno for a whole month. That's right. I forgot

04:39:56.139 --> 04:39:59.900
about that. It was nuts. Sam came out for like

04:39:59.900 --> 04:40:04.900
a week. He's a funny guy. Comic hangs. That's

04:40:04.900 --> 04:40:08.060
a wild place to live, Shane Gillis. So my house

04:40:08.060 --> 04:40:35.060
is on fire. He's still drinking. Is that viral?

04:40:35.459 --> 04:40:38.060
That should be viral. How do you know how many

04:40:38.060 --> 04:40:40.880
people have watched that? Is there a number that

04:40:40.880 --> 04:40:44.299
is viral? 35 ,000. 35 ,000 is viral? No, it's

04:40:44.299 --> 04:40:46.040
just how many views it has. First comic I ever

04:40:46.040 --> 04:40:48.659
saw live. Stan Hope? Yeah. Stan Hope's so good.

04:40:49.119 --> 04:40:50.819
Sean Patton opened. It was a hell of a show.

04:40:50.880 --> 04:40:53.770
Damn. Yeah. Fun. And I was like, oh, we can do

04:40:53.770 --> 04:40:56.330
this? He just got drunk and said crazy shit.

04:40:56.750 --> 04:40:59.490
Wow. And it was funny. Damn. That's a good show.

04:40:59.509 --> 04:41:01.369
When I was a new comic in New York and he would

04:41:01.369 --> 04:41:03.169
come to New York, it was like an event. He would

04:41:03.169 --> 04:41:05.630
rent out. He's like, fuck the clubs. Fuck Carolines.

04:41:05.689 --> 04:41:08.349
I'm going to BB King's or some shit. Me and Nikki

04:41:08.349 --> 04:41:10.090
Glaser went to see him one night. Let's go across

04:41:10.090 --> 04:41:12.290
town. Let's go right now. Yeah. It was wild.

04:41:12.470 --> 04:41:16.229
Standing room only. Yeah, never use a club. Yeah.

04:41:16.549 --> 04:41:24.479
Oh, look at that. Fucking suits. They covered

04:41:24.479 --> 04:41:27.720
up the fucking suits. We're going to film today

04:41:27.720 --> 04:41:30.900
me trying on all the different suits I might

04:41:30.900 --> 04:41:33.700
wear for New Year's in Vegas. After I thought,

04:41:33.819 --> 04:41:38.720
what would I take out in a fire? Fuck, my suits.

04:41:39.400 --> 04:41:43.840
My suits. And then the fire chief. If you have

04:41:43.840 --> 04:41:49.600
a tarp, I'll go cover up as best I can. Jesus.

04:41:49.600 --> 04:41:54.939
Jesus. Bleak over there. That's not a happy ending

04:41:54.939 --> 04:41:56.860
from burning down the house. We should have ended

04:41:56.860 --> 04:42:00.040
the podcast right there. We were good. We got

04:42:00.040 --> 04:42:01.819
to the reality of a drunk guy walking through

04:42:01.819 --> 04:42:06.000
his burnt out, fucked up house. We'll all be

04:42:06.000 --> 04:42:07.919
there one day. He's got the norm disease where

04:42:07.919 --> 04:42:10.990
he wears oversized clothes. Here we go. Let's

04:42:10.990 --> 04:42:13.430
look at the comments. Look at that. The like

04:42:13.430 --> 04:42:20.790
by Shane Gillis. That's my guy. I'm a fan. That's

04:42:20.790 --> 04:42:24.130
good. Troy Conrad. Oh, fuck. I'm so sorry. That's

04:42:24.130 --> 04:42:30.450
a text. That's great. I fucking love you. I hope

04:42:30.450 --> 04:42:33.369
everything's safe. All right. Funny guy. Ladies

04:42:33.369 --> 04:42:35.849
and gentlemen, that brings to a conclusion another

04:42:35.849 --> 04:42:38.009
Protect Our Parks. We have failed to protect

04:42:38.009 --> 04:42:41.639
parks. Protect our parts. Bitcoin coming next

04:42:41.639 --> 04:42:44.740
month. Yeah. Let's have our own currency. Great

04:42:44.740 --> 04:42:48.560
people. Oh, wait. We're not going to plug? Let's

04:42:48.560 --> 04:42:51.360
do quick plugs. No one's listening. Wow, we got

04:42:51.360 --> 04:42:53.919
shows. We got websites. We got tickets. Yeah,

04:42:53.939 --> 04:42:56.000
if you're listening now, plugs is nice. Plug

04:42:56.000 --> 04:42:58.119
your shit. What do you got? Jew face on Comedy

04:42:58.119 --> 04:42:59.819
Central. Seattle, the Moors just added. Another

04:42:59.819 --> 04:43:02.700
show in Vancouver. The Beacon is coming. Website.

04:43:02.700 --> 04:43:04.659
I'm doing The Beacon. RAShafear .com. Hell yeah.

04:43:04.720 --> 04:43:06.360
The Beacon, I'm doing it in March. You did it.

04:43:07.520 --> 04:43:10.279
No, I never did it. Look at this. I'm for Seinfeld

04:43:10.279 --> 04:43:13.060
there. Look at this. Shows at it. Look at this.

04:43:13.360 --> 04:43:16.319
Greatest hits. Look at this. Seattle should be

04:43:16.319 --> 04:43:20.139
up there now. Mark Norman, your plugs, kind sir.

04:43:21.040 --> 04:43:23.880
MarkNormanComedy .com. We might be drunk. Tuesdays

04:43:23.880 --> 04:43:27.439
with Stories. Out to lunch on YouTube. All the

04:43:27.439 --> 04:43:30.020
bullshit all over the road. Patreon. Check it

04:43:30.020 --> 04:43:32.400
out. Queef it up. Praise Allah. Queef it up.

04:43:33.130 --> 04:43:35.049
That's the same pose he just did. That's the

04:43:35.049 --> 04:43:40.069
same pose he just did. Shane Gillis. Go buy Gillian

04:43:40.069 --> 04:43:42.709
Keeves. Yeah. Greatest sketch show in history.

04:43:42.849 --> 04:43:45.409
Gillian Keeves. That's it. Matt and Shane's secret

04:43:45.409 --> 04:43:47.430
podcast. There you go. Suck our dicks to all

04:43:47.430 --> 04:43:50.689
our enemies. Wow. You know what it is. You know

04:43:50.689 --> 04:43:55.569
what it is. It's Hitler. You can't go wrong.

04:43:55.790 --> 04:43:59.069
Come on. That's comedy. We're having fun. Brilliant

04:43:59.069 --> 04:44:02.290
times. Brilliant sketches. Alright, you guys.

04:44:02.810 --> 04:44:03.909
That's it. Bye.