Welcome to this curated educational transcript of the Joe Rogan Experience. In this session, we provide a deep-dive examination of the critical perspectives and historical dialogues presented in Episode #2445. Our mission is to offer a high-fidelity, searchable research resource for students of cultural history, emerging technology, and global discourse. This transcript has been specifically optimized for academic reference, linguistic study, and archival preservation regarding Comedy Theory, Stand-up Evolution, and Modern Entertainment Industry Dynamics." The Joe Rogan experience train by day Joe Rogan
podcast by night Hey, there's a red light there
to really help your fucking eyes 100 % I'm doing
it. Are we rolling? Yeah, my eyes are so fucked
Yeah, I can't see Joe get one of them Gary Brekka
beds for your house Well, there's a bunch of
companies that sell them, but you want like a
really powerful red light bed I did it this morning
dude. I just changed my vision Can't when I'm
in the shower, I can't read shampoo bath gel.
Whoa, like I'm like, dude Why do they need to
be small? Can't you just make it big as fuck
so everyone can see it? They're not that small
either. I can't see them and then I'm getting
out naked putting on readers to see what I'm
fucking I've watched my hair with conditioner
so many times Yeah, mine was getting bad mine
was getting where I needed these fucking things,
which I haven't picked up in months I heard you
say that I was like I did went to waste well
the other day and I did them red light bed every
day, every day, until I Googled how much it costs.
That thing's fucking expensive. It's expensive,
the real one. But Whitney got one that's not
that expensive, and it's fixed her eyes. She
got one that she sits in front of every day for
like 20 minutes or something like that. I love
that. Oh, dude, it's amazing. But the big ones,
the beds, they help your whole body recover.
Let's put that into perplexity and say, what
is the benefits of powerful red light therapy?
I fucking I use AI so much now I was in the beginning
I was resisting it so much then perplexity came
on as a sponsor and now instead of searching
things online I just ask the phone. I just pull
up the app and ask it a question. I don't have
to type anything. And then it gives me an answer.
And then I could say, well, what's the benefits
of it? And then it'll list out the benefits.
And then I'll say, what are the cons? And it'll
list out the cons. Like, is there any people
that disagree with this? Perplexity? Yeah. So
I got one. My questions are always like, they're
always more like, about me. No, I don't look
myself up it's about like your health no my health
or my experience in life So like I was like I
was the other day. I was in bed. I was like alright.
I think my generation Had the greatest run like
out of all the generations around my generation
Gen X had the greatest run. We got great childhoods,
right? We got to experience cell phones. We got
to be impressed by the cell phone. We had 9 -11,
which wasn't great, but it was a time when the
country healed, right? Everyone wants a big tragedy,
like the JFK shooting. You want that moment where
you walk by a bar and they're like, what are
you doing? Like, you haven't heard? We got one
of those. We had the pandemic, which is insane.
We had our music probably better. We had rock.
We had, I mean, just the internet took off. So
we got to experience that. I think my generation,
Gen X is yours too, right? Yeah, I'm Gen X. So
I asked that to chat GBT in it, and I was wrong.
What do you mean the greatest generation is actually
labeled the greatest generation? It's my grandmother
your grandmother. They experienced horse and
buggy They then went They saw cars they saw television
all within the time they had horse and buggy.
They saw people land on the moon I mean all that
shit telephones Who got fucked with the baby
boomers they were just old enough to not understand
cell phones like they got fucked millennials
got fucked millennials got real fucked Yeah,
I don't know about the greatest generation. I
think I think you're correct I think the passage
of the internet like the internet going through
our lives and cell phones like I experienced
VHS tapes first then I experienced answering
machines. That was a big one Caller ID, you know
who's calling you. You can just duck people.
That was crazy I remember when caller ID showed
up never remember star 69 showed up where you
can block your caller ID Star 69 was good because
you could call people back that were pranking
you. Yeah, like hey motherfuckers like what what's
going on? We got prank calls. My dad my Jen and
my kids didn't ever got prank calls like they
never understood what a prank call was the jerky
boys Jerky boys were fucking amazing Dude. Those
guys were so funny. Those recordings were so
funny. You know who did a great fucking prank
call recording? Who? Greg Fitzsimmons. Really?
Oh my god. It's hilarious He did this one we
called a rental car place and he said that it's
the car was on fire Because they they went to
the gas station and they filled up pots and pans
with gas and they put it in the backseat and
Fucking Bobby smoking and now the cars on fire
like you gotta hear this guy freaking out. What
do you mean the cars on fire? It's You can't
do that anymore, dude Greg you know when people
go like what kind of music you listen to and
you talk to a real Musician like you talk to
the black keys, right? And then you go like what
do you guys listen to they're like have you heard
of the velvet thud or something? Yeah, and they're
like, that's what you need to listen to when
people say I listen to Sunday papers That's fit
Simmons and Gibbons podcast. I go you're real
comedy fans Those are the two funniest human
beings alive ever Greg Fitzsimmons When I got
ready for lucky I brought him on the road with
me I was like dude I trust you just tell me where
I'm sloppy. Tell me where I'm lazy Tell me where
I'm leaving jokes and that first night. He was
like you got a minute And he went through my
whole hour. He's like you I think you're leaving
this on the tip dude Those motherfuckers are
the funniest dudes alive. Yeah, Greg's awesome.
We started out together We started like one week
apart from each other for real. Yeah, literally
we went on the road God in the early days Greg
and I traveled everywhere. We did open mic. We
would drive to Rhode Island do open mics together
He was a great example of the first dude I ever
saw talking about his family on stage and it
wasn't nerdy, right? Him and his son ran a train
on his wife. What is a great joke? He was like
I have my first threesome It was with my son.
So it's a little awkward. I'm fucking great joke
up He goes my son was breastfeeding. I was getting
her from behind We had to high five in the middle
But I remember hearing that as a remember when
remember being a dad as a comic was like off
limits, right? Right, and I saw that I just had
Georgia the second person I saw the first person's
Greg the second person I saw I mean, I'm talking
just had Georgia was Louis fucking CK I went
and worked the road with him and he was doing
all the material for that first special that
popped for him and he was talking about his kids
and he was just like My daughter's a cunt And
he goes, I know you're not supposed to say that,
but what else do you say to someone who won't
put their shoes on? They're a cunt. We're trying
to leave the house and they won't put their shoes
on. Imagine if you wouldn't leave. And it was
just like, and it was like, I'm sitting there,
you know, lost in like what I thought was standup
was like some imitation of Dane, you know? And
I'm watching Louie going like, this is something
totally different. Yeah. Those guys, best prank
call I've ever heard. Sidebar, Brandon Walsh.
Brandon was a funny motherfucker Brandon was
he up to I don't know. I think he does like like
like he's always been like more More art comedy,
you know, like more like performance. He does
these podcasts where he puts a neck brace on
Yeah a wig and giant glasses and he plays a character.
He's a funny dude, man Do you remember what Austin
guy he was an Austin guy? Yeah, he was he was
I remember he would you remember he was on your
podcast I remember him telling the story and
I think about this all the time a circuit city
had closed by his house and So and he lives in
Silver Lake. Oh, that's right. He made a prank.
We told everybody was turning to a Whole Foods
And he got everybody so excited. Oh Whole Foods
is giving you silver league. He just did it for
himself He could be at the coffee shop and hear
people talking about Whole Foods He did a prank
call I think Stan Hope sent it to me he's like
this is the best prank call ever and it's Brendan
Calling a set like a phone sex and you know,
they always try to keep you on the line, right?
So he's like, hey, what are you wearing? She's
like nothing. What are you wearing? He's like
nothing and then you hear like a dog barking
in the back and she goes like is that your dog?
He's like, yeah Ignore him. Ignore him. And then
the dog barks a little longer and he's like those
would tell me what you're touching yourself And
then you hear a baby crying in the back And he's
like, is that your baby? And he's like, no, it's
fine. It's fine. It's a different room. It's
really fine. And then you hear a woman come in
and go, are you on the fucking phone sex again?
And he's like, hey, leave me alone. And she's
like, do you want to do this later? And he's
like, don't worry about it. And then you hear
a marching band come in playing aloo aloo. And
he's just trying to hold her on the line. Dude,
I was crying. That is like, like, you know, Not
to like get too meta about it, but comedy has
become so and I'm a part of this I'm so self
-promotional and put it on like I'm gonna take
its new show when you see someone like Brendan
or like or like Greg and Mike who just do it
for the pure Just to make themselves giggle.
Yeah, it's so beautiful. Yes is like that. Yeah
Gillis is Gillis. I always think he's just a
like a Like a my favorite Shane Gillis story
that I will for the until I die We're doing fully
loaded the first year. And Shane's on everyone,
Mark's on everyone, Nicky's on everyone. It's
the best year we probably did it, no offense.
And Shane sees my daughter, Georgia, who's being
a PA with her friend, Daisy. And it's the very
last night, and Shane walks up, and he's like,
you guys sneaking beers? And they're like, no.
He goes, oh, come on. I'm not going to rat you
out. I'm like, no, we're not. And he's like,
come on. You're 18 years old. You're on tour.
It's our last night. You guys are sneaking beers."
And they're like, we're not sneaking beers. He
goes, I can smell the beer on you. And they're
like, we've been sneaking beers. And he goes,
OK. And he just sits down right next to me. He
goes, George is sneaking beers. Did you know
she was sneaking beers? No, I had no idea. Shane
just fucking ratted her out. She's your daughter.
Yeah. You're getting hammered every night. You're
not going to notice. Like, Dad's drunk. You won't
even know if we're drunk. She would yeah, she
it's funny because I go to like her college and
other dads, you know party and like she's like
she doesn't she's always like Kind of low -key
about it and like the dads like bite beer cans
and kill them and shotgun beers. I know that's
what dads do Really? Yeah, what's dad's? You're
in a different school zone the that's the dads
do and and I'm always like, you know This is
what I do for a living. Like I could fucking
murder these guys. She's like, ugh, dad. I mean,
can you like him crushing a beer and shotgunning
it? Fucking, like a microdose. What are we talking
about? What were you telling about, Jamie? Sorry,
right before we get started, you were telling
me about something. The REM sleep or lucid dreaming
sleep communication. I gotta figure out where
I put it. So I got to tell you before we find
that so Eddie Bravo calls me the other day And
he goes to Bert Kreischer lose everything and
then get it back. I go what and he goes Yeah,
it was so confusing. He was on Shannon Sharp
show and Shannon says to Bert What was it like
you lost everything and then you had to build
it back and he go to seem like it wasn't true
I go it's not true and I go did Bert go along
with it. He goes. Yeah, I go what? And I couldn't
wait to talk to you about it, because I could
totally picture someone saying to you some story
that totally never happened, and you not wanting
to be confrontational, so you just go along with
it. Is that what happened? A hundred percent.
A hundred percent. The fucking whole show. How
did you not say that never happened? He just
caught me off guard. He caught you off guard.
I was like... Did at any point in time you say,
I should probably say this never happened. No.
I was like, he was like, you lost everything
in my head. I was like, I did? He was like, but
you made it all back. And I go, I did? Where
is this coming from? I have no idea. He said
it. And I just was like, uh -huh, uh -huh. What?
I don't even know what I said after he's like,
how did you do it? I was like, I don't know Shannon
I just focused and really so like I have no fucking
clue I should not be allowed to talk on microphones.
I Literally was like, I don't know what I said
even after it to be honest with you But I was
like, I guess he has it in his notes So I was
like, yeah, so someone Must have googled the
Burke Chrysler probably some reddit thread Burke
Chrysler lost everything I guess and like, you
know the stories about you online Are more prevalent
than the true ones. So you just go I guess that's
what he heard You just went with it. I don't
know. I don't so weird to do I was I had no I
was like in my head I was like Trying to think
maybe he was talking about like, you know, I
had development deals when I got into the business
You didn't lose them. They give you money. No,
no, no, just never became a show But then no,
but I'm saying like maybe I was in my head I
was like maybe he's thinking that like, you know
I had a lot of development deals early and then
I didn't for a few years and I worked the road
and Maybe that's what he was saying and then
I made I'm back I don't know I was like but even
when you worked the road you worked the road
then you had the Travel Channel show There was
no period where it made sense by the way That
is the least of my fish to fry on that fucking
show. I got in so much trouble that that show
Every clip you do goes viral. Every... I just
am like... When I got done that, I haven't felt
this in a long time. I was like, wow. I was like,
I think I'm gonna get a lot of texts when this
airs. Well, it seems like he wants that, right?
He's got a lot of people on the show that talk
a lot of shit. A lot of people like cat williams
famously was that that episode was fucking amazing
We talked about that went in on everybody including
me. That's why I got him on the podcast He said
Joe Rogan won't have me on has the same funny
thing about the fuckers unfunny. Yeah, same seven
unfunny motherfuckers I was like dude. I love
cat williams. What are you talking about? He's
the best I'm back. You never met him. Yeah, I'd
never met him before It's like it wasn't that
I wouldn't have him on it's like I didn't even
know he wanted to come on I would have had him
on That interview was with him was epic amazing
and accurate the thing about his shit talking
is it's not It's he's not lying. No. No, it's
it's you know, it's When I got out I was like,
it's I Don't I don't mean this with disrespect
but it's less Shannon I think more as producers
because he's got cards. So I think the producers
are like What what clips gonna pop I think they
go online right they try to find controversial
subjects Like he brought up. I told you he brought
up one. He's like Bert you think Kevin Hart's
just lucky and I was like I said that fucking
12 years ago, and it was just it was all it was
and I know I'm even but it was this is what it
was Joe is like at a time when I None of us were
making money not you but like the younger companies
make money and you're online you watch Kevin
And you know Kevin knows I love him But Kevin's
like, I'm the hardest -working motherfucker.
I'm the hardest -working. And in my head, I was
like, we're all working hard. But a lot of people
were just waiting for a moment to get in front
of people. And then I had an agent, very casually,
not mine, but at a thing, goes, you know, Kevin
should mention how lucky he got. I said, what
do you mean? He's like, you know about fool's
gold, right? I was like, no. He's like, well,
that's the beef between Kevin and Kat, is Kat
packed a gun in his luggage to go shoot fool's
gold. Detained and they were in production and
they're like we need we need someone small and
black to fit these clothes We already got clothes
for him. Yeah, and he's like get Kevin Hart and
That was the story I wanted Kevin to tell because
that as a comic you can kind of put your head
around that and I've And by the way, I did not
do a good job of explaining it on Shannon show
because it's like, you know I'm a fucking talk
out of my ass But like every comic has had these
like moments that skyrocket them, right? These
moments that pop and and I went through it and
I think you'll understand it now But for me,
it was the machine story going viral for for
bill burr It's the philly ramp with bill that
philly rant just put him in the next level jim
jeffries He gets punched in the head at the comedy
seller or comedy store in london His manager
happens to be a guy that knows the internet brett
vincent posted on myspace goes viral every comic
that pops always has that Tom, as I was telling
this to Tom, he goes, yeah, it was me, Netflix.
He was like, Tom got on Netflix. I mean, I didn't
even realize this. Tom said it to me. He got
on Netflix when there were two comics on Netflix.
Bill Burr and Tom Segura. Bill puts his special
out there, like, did you like Bill Burr? You
might like Tom Segura. And Tom's like, if Comedy
Central had bought my hour, I would have been
fucked. But instead, I sold it to this small
streamer, Netflix, and the only other one they
had was Bill Burr. And so... As comics, I think
sometimes, and you know how much I believe in
luck, it's easier to hear about someone's luck
where you go, oh, that is crazy, that happenstance.
I mean, we've said it about you, and I know you
probably disagree maybe to a certain dissent,
but I think the greatest thing that ever happened
to you was that getting kicked out of the comedy
store. That period of time where you had to reevaluate
your evaluate yourself and you created this what
you have and you read I mean You would speak
to it better than I could but I think as comics
we look at you Reinventing yourself and reimagining
yourself and making it your own fucking entity
and creating this podcast, which is changed all
of our lives That moment and it must have been
tough to lose your agent get kicked out of the
comedy store and have to figure things out That
we all got everyone got behind you. Everyone
was like, that's my guy I mean, I'm curious what
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to get started. I mean, that certainly had an
impact. You know, it was also the Mencia video,
where people could clearly see that I was right.
Yes. And then we were all a victim. Like, we
were all hiding at the store. Like, when he would
go on stage, or he would be in the back of the
room, if you were on stage, they would flash
the light to let you know that he was in the
room. You know how crazy that is? That there's
a guy around that steals so much that they have
to flash a light whenever a comic's on stage?
And then comics would just start doing crowd
work. Yeah, it was insane. It was crazy So all
the comics knew that what I was saying was the
truth and it was proved By like the consequences
of someone who was already successful, right?
So I was already on fear factor at the time I
was already a known person and I lost my agent
and I got kicked out of the store like video
that video was akin to The Philly Rant, Jim Jefferies
getting pumped. Is that viral moment for you?
It was also how well Red Band put it together,
too. Because he's such a good editor. He's so
brilliant. It was music. He went back in time.
He spent a lot of time working on that. It was
a work of art. But it was the first time that
someone was held accountable. Because we don't
have to name names. But we all know people who
snuck through and still kind of have careers,
although great. greatly diminished impact because
like when they go on stage now people are excited
to see them because they're famous and then that
immediately goes away when you realize there's
nothing there they have no material because they
have to write for themselves now yeah you see
a giant drop -off you see the early specials
with like great jokes and really funny and then
you see like what is this nonsense towards the
end it's just like weird fucking like nonsensical
rants on thing. It's bizarre to watch, but that's
what happens when you get exposed and you have
to do your own shit. And there's a few of those
guys floating around out there. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
It's crazy because the one thing I can't smoke
cigars. Really? What happened? Blood clot. Oh,
that's right. Yeah. The I'm not supposed to smoke
cigars. I mean, I could text my cardiologist
and see what he says. They gave them to Teddy
Roosevelt, yeah, look what happened to him, you
know, I could have one cigar if you're gonna
smoke one in here Just do like old -school Rogan
where I anytime I smoked weed you had to pull
the camera away from me Yeah, I mean we all have
a moment where things But it's like an accumulation
of those moments, right? It's it's it's you know
what it is. It's like you get that moment like
I'll use burrs an example because you know Only
because I've talked to him about this specifically,
but like he didn't love the Philly ramp because
right away everyone thought oh, that's his thing
We're gonna we're gonna heckle him and we'll
he'll go lose his shit So he didn't love it,
but the thing is that that goes viral and then
you Google that person You're like who is this
and then you see a body of work. That's undeniable
like oh bill burr is my guy, you know for for
for Shane I mean in my opinion, it's it's that
YouTube specially did And then you see Gillian
Keeves. You see all his sketches. It was also
him getting kicked off by SNL. Oh, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah. Him getting kicked off by SNL was
huge. Yeah. It was the best thing that ever happened
to him. If he was on SNL, he would have got buried
on that show like a lot of people. But instead,
he gets kicked off. A bunch of people are mad
at him. And then they're like, well, what did
he actually say? And then people start looking
into it. And they go, oh, he was just fucking
around. He was pretending to be a racist guy
in Chinatown. Yeah. That was the bit like he
was just they were just talking shit on a podcast
And then he releases that special and you go.
Oh, he's actually a great comic. He's a dude
his special Olympics joke He's got so many good
jokes special Olympic jokes. We were in the bus
one time and My cousin Andrew goes Has anyone
know Shane Gillis and I've known Shane for a
while. I have hysterical emails that he sent
me Back when he was like just like an open mic
or whatever. Uh -huh like going Like, hey man,
I feel like we connected. They're the greatest,
Joe. If he knew that I was, he'd be, she'd face
him and go, hey, can I read your emails on Joe?
He'd fucking lose his shit. They're so fucking
hysterical, Joe. I'll send them to you. And so
I go, yeah, I love Shane. I love Shane. The day
I met him, he goes, he's like, yeah, I'm supposed
to go out with my girlfriend tonight. And I was
like. But uh, it was like 10 in the morning.
We were drinking fireball and he was like, uh,
yeah, we were doing a crisis You calling sick
to work shows where we go to the club at 10 a
.m. He's like, that's what he said. He's I'm
sorry about my girlfriend I said, what's your
girlfriend's name? He goes big tuna and I went
big tuna He goes she's a big girl and I was like,
yeah I figured for the name Shane and then I
fucking I've that from that day on him But that
Special Olympics jokes when he we listen to it
in the bus He's like, what do you think we should
we race them? I mean it we were Crying fucking
laugh. That's like one of my favorite jokes I've
fucking ever he's got a lot of great bits, but
that's especially did the creek in the cave That
was like people got to see they're like, oh,
okay. Well, this is what he does He touches on
that third wire. Yeah, you know the third rail
rather and it's like, you know, it's funny. It's
really funny and They were trying to label him
as this horrible racist that Saturday Night Live
hired Anything but, from my opinion. But that
happens, man. You're gonna, you know, you're
gonna get attacked. There's always something.
There's always something that a comic says where
someone's gonna get mad, especially in this day
and age. People are just looking for things to
get mad, but almost always it helps them. If
they're a good comic, almost always. Like Tony
Hinchcliffe, it blew him up. Like almost always
when something happens, you get attacked, people
start looking at you. Actually, this guy's really
funny. And then they become a fan. Yeah. Because
you're just getting so many more eyeballs. The
people that are looking to hate you, they're
going to hate you no matter what. But there's
going to be a bunch of people that are all like,
well, what's going on? And then they look into
it. I mean, that happened to me during COVID.
I gained two million followers in like a month.
2 million followers on on Spotify in a month
when they were trying to pull me off of Spotify
when all like all these Music artists were calling
me a vaccine denier and removing their podcast
Or you removing their music like when Neil Young
and it was a Joni Mitchell. Yeah, Joni Mitchell
They were they publicly removed their pot their
their music from Spotify because of my podcast
Are they back? Yeah I don't know if Joni Mitchell
is, but yeah, Neil Young is. I don't even think
Neil Young actually owned his music, which was
funny. I think it was just like a ploy. I mean,
it's like, I think he probably believed a lot
of things he was saying. He was just misinformed.
He just didn't understand that I was actually
talking to people that were legitimate scientists
that turned out they were right. Now, now we
know. Yeah, but back then it was like there was
this hysteria about it and a lot of people that
were very skeptical Started tuning in and then
the whole fucking CNN thing when they turned
me green like all that shit. It just that helped
I don't know if I could have like I'm not good
that people always go, you know, if they're talking
about you It's good. All press is good press
and I but anytime anything negative comes out
about me it fucking Devastates me. I don't like
I could not have gone through what you went through.
You just don't I just don't read it If you don't
read it, you're fine. Because you come up in
my news feed all the time. And I'm such a fucking
idiot that if I'm scrolling through Google News
and I see my name, I go, oh, what's that? And
then I'm like, god damn it. You can't do that.
Last time I did this show. Greatest experience
great hang lucky streaming number one on Netflix.
I'm so fucking happy I'm in my bed going things
are going good for the big guy Hit on Google
News and it's like picture of me and you I was
like burke Christ your Joe Rogan and they're
like burke Christ your ruins of Joe Rogan podcast.
I'm like Motherfucker it was an MMA fucking or
journalists and I was like wait. Why god damn
it I was like, oh and then and then you see it
you're like well can't be that bad you I'm gonna
read it and they're like oh My god, but then
my daughter Georgia said something very profound
to me. She was like, why would you allow that?
I'm sure that guy will write that same article
after this episode. She goes, I'm sure he will.
I think the guy also has a fucking football feed.
He said I ruined the... Anytime I do something,
there's someone that says, for Christ's sake,
I ruined it. And I'm the only one that reads
it. And my daughter Georgia goes, literally looked
at me and goes, did you have fun with Joe? I
went, yeah, I had a blast. I love being around
Joe. She was like, then fuck it. She goes, your
experience is the one that matters the most.
She goes, why would you allow someone to dictate
your memory of an event? And I was like, who
the fuck raised you? I was like, I don't know.
Well, you were on the road to probably raise
yourself. That's why she's so wise. She had to
form her own opinions. She had to read books.
Yeah, she had to actually form her own opinions
and think about things rationally, having a father
like you. Yeah, you can't. Can't pay attention
because the vast majority of people live miserable
lives. That's the Rose quote Most men live lives
of quiet desperation. There's a lot of people
out there. They're very very sad very unhappy
and looking to Make something negative. They're
always looking to be a critic Which is fine,
you know, that's their prerogative, but it's
not you don't have to read it Well, it's I I'm
at the place now like I took Google News I took
all Google and everything off my phone because
I the Series premiered and I didn't want to get
good or bad. I was like good because you can't
you can't quantify the good Like like if you're
gonna if you listen to the good you gotta listen
to the bad And I was like, well, I don't want
to hear the bad. So I just want to hear the good
and Then and then we were Jamie and I were talking
about this outside but like you have a social
media team who's posting like like Like your
your your claps like they're posting like the
nice articles and I'm like don't even post that
because Like I don't even like just stay out
of it Just let if people like it let them like
it and they don't people have their own opinions.
That's the best move I don't have anybody that
does that I don't have any you post all your
own stuff on Instagram on Instagram if I post
it it's from me Really? Yeah, always. Yeah. And
then there's the Joe Rogan Experience page that
the staff does. But that is just a clip from
the podcast. They take an interesting clip where
someone says something. It's put up with no context.
It just says, you know, episode, blah, blah,
blah. That's it. I try to do it as like natural
and neutral. You like it, you don't like it.
If you don't like it, don't listen to the next
one. It's OK. So what is your? What is the impetus
for you to post something like like when at what
point do you decide to share your life? Well,
I just feel like if there's something I think
someone will think is interesting or something
that I would like to see if someone puts it on
their feed I'll put it in there every now, but
I don't post that much you don't because I don't
read that much I stay off. I don't think it's
good for you I think it's not only do I not think
it's good for you. I think it's genuinely bad
for you And it gets in the way of all the other
stuff that I like to do. I'm busy, man. I'm busy.
There's a lot of interesting shit to pay attention
to in the world. I'm not one of those things.
I don't like paying attention to me and reading
me. And I don't want to go online and see too
many car crashes and people getting shot and
animal attacks. Tommy and I have the worst fucking
text message chain. Him and I all day whenever
he finds something like unbelievably horrific
some guy getting run over by a truck He'll just
send it to me and then I'll send it to him and
we're always trying to one -up each other So
when I find something absolutely horrible, someone
says be something absolutely horrible. I sent
to him And then we just that's like my main source
of like trauma online is my Tom Segura text message
chain But other than that, I pretty much stay
off. I don't think it's good for you. And I feel
way better. I started doing it a few months ago.
It's like a force of habit. I'm looking at it
all the time. Let me just not look at it today.
And then I did it another day. And then another
day, I'm like, God, I feel better. I feel better.
I genuinely feel better. It's like I'm getting
over a cold or something like that. And so I
said, all right, well. Obviously like engaging
definitely don't read anything like definitely
don't like read when people say things about
you Definitely don't read when you you post something
read the comments don't do any of that You know
people get wrapped up in it and you realize like
people are just trying to take you down There's
so I mean not all of them a lot of people are
supporting you But it doesn't matter if there's
like ten people that love you and one person
that hates you You're gonna think about that
one person, you know, which is nuts, but it's
just human nature It's crazy how that algorithm
works is that it's just like if there's someone
in the front row that's not laughing like last
night, I had a I don't know. It's the bottom
of the barrel and I don't know how rape came
up but It always does and I was like well, there's
no phones in here. Let's let's go I said if I'm
gonna go for it's in this room, right? And uh,
there was a woman that did not like it and she
was a little vocal in the crowd You know the
bounce like, oh, you know, let him you know,
he's working this out or whatever And then she's
like, I was told to shut up. And then the rest
of the night, I'm watching her out of the corner
of my eye going, god damn it. And then I just
dug holes and holes and holes. And then at one
point, the whole audience is chanting rape. And
I'm like, guys, this is bad. But it's funny.
And then also, it's like, listen, say you're
some fucking dude looking for a connection in
life. And you go to my page, and you leave 100
comments. And they're like you're the best bird.
I love you when you come to Cincinnati. I'm gonna
be here Tampa I'll be there man. I'm gonna drive
and then the one time he's like you're a fucking
bitch and then I reply He's like, oh, I guess
that's how I get the cat to come outside, you
know So that's why I don't read. I don't yeah
any Whitney was going into you know, the Whitney
thing about miss Rachel. I didn't know who this
Rachel is She is today 1 .8 billion views on
how to say mom and dad and I was like It makes
sense, man Well, she's an educator for neurodivergent
kids. Is that what it is? Yeah, I watched a couple
of videos. pull up some videos of Miss Rachel
because after people were, by the way, the worst
fucking people were going after her. People that
I know that are comedians that are just unbelievably
shitty, dishonest, disingenuous human beings,
bad faith communicators, people that just like
completely distort anything about the person.
And it's just because she's successful. It's
a giant part of it. And so they see her making
some crack about Miss Rachel. Rachel because
she was watching it with her kids. She didn't
know what the fuck it is. So here's miss Rachel.
Let me let me hear what this sounds like No No,
not at all I don't hear it. I don't hear anything
in my own microphone. Can you help me count?
Do you hear it? I don't hear you bird. There
we go. There we go The dinosaur eggs are hatching!
Wow! How many dinosaurs do we have? One, two,
three, four! Okay, pause. Why would you go after
this? Like, this is like a little kid show. She
must have been bored. There's nothing different
from this in Blue's Clues, in my opinion. It's
a show for little kids. Like, I don't get it.
I don't know. Maybe she was just bored. She was
trying to write a joke and thought she'd get
some traction I guess maybe she took two instead
of one and Then she started responding to people
because she didn't understand what it was She
said and then she took it down and apologized
that you can't apologize to the mob. They come
for you. They come for you. And she learned.
And I texted her. I said, listen, I love you
to death. You got to stop going back and forth
to these people. You can't do that. This is not
a genuine conversation. They don't care. If you
were a person and you were someone's friend and
you started shitting on Miss Rachel and someone
said, actually, that's like for kids with learning
disorders. And you'd be like, oh, fuck, I didn't
know. And that would be the end of it. And then
we'd laugh. You know, but these people are not
looking for a real conversation. They're just
looking to destroy your life. And then so many
people like, she lost her career, career's over.
Like, you weren't going to see her anyway, you
fucking cunt. Like, what are you talking about?
You weren't going to pay to see her anyway. Stop
saying her career's over. It's not doing a damn
thing to her career. You just want it to be over.
Because you live a miserable fucking life, which
is why you're on threads. 12 hours a day. It's
so funny you say that. I just read something
negative about Whitney on Threads today. I was
like, what does she do? Bro, Threads is the worst.
And then I saw the Miss Rachel shit and I watched
the video. I had two kids. I don't know. I look
at that as I go, that's nice. If Threads is like
for people who already been like humiliated on
Twitter and they're trying to find a new crowd,
it's very weird. Very, very, like, so much negativity.
Not that Twitter isn't. Like, Twitter's super
negative, too. I haven't been on X. I try to
look at the news only. I try to look at news
and things that people are exposing that's in
the news, which is very interesting. Speaking
of which, what was that thing that you found?
So this is very strange. This is about people
being able to communicate in lucid dreaming.
True, I guess. We'll find out later. Scientists
report first ever communication between two humans
during sleep. I'd love this. Scientists say that
science fiction may be coming closer to reality
according to reports of California startup claims.
It successfully enabled two -way communication
between people while they were lucid dreaming.
Participants were asleep in separate locations
while researchers monitored their sleep and transmitted
a coded word designed to be perceived inside
a dream without waking them. The system reportedly
relied on sensors, wireless communication, Specialized
software to detect dream states and relay the
message The company's founder says that what
once sounded like science fiction could soon
become a daily life a part of daily life No independent
science, but they're not saying what happened
No independent scientific replication has confirmed
the results yet still the experiment builds on
real research showing that Interaction between
lucid dreams is possible. Yeah, but what is the
interaction? Did they relay the coded word to
each other? They both got the coded word. That's
where I started getting into word space that
I found out this was posted on Instagram like
yesterday or something. I googled it press releases
from 2024 breakthrough between breakthrough from
REM space first ever communication between people
and dreams. So this is the article about it in
business wire. Lucid dreams occur bah bah bah
participants are sleeping in their homes brainwaves
and other poly so Somnographic data were tracked
remotely specially designed developed apparatus
when the server detected the first participant
entered a lucid dream it Generated a how do they
detect that someone's in a lucid dream because
a lucid dream is a dream where you're aware that
you're dreaming Yes, it generated a random Remyo
word and sent it to him via earbuds earbuds Participant
repeated the word in his dream with his response
captured and stored on the server what? Eight
minutes later the next participate Participant
entered a lucid dream. She received the stored
message from the first participant and confirmed
it upon awakening Huh? No, it sounds like it
sounds like they're saying it in the room and
the person's grabbing it. No, it's sending it
through earbuds They were both in their own houses.
It said yeah, so they receive it through earbuds
He says it in the dream and then she receives
it Huh? Huh? Well, you got to wonder what is
happening in dreams dreams are very bizarre.
Have you ever lucid dreamed? Yeah Yeah, not six.
I mean, I've done it a couple of times but I
haven't on purpose and I've always wondered why
not like why haven't I read books on lucid dreams?
Why haven't I tried to do it? I think it's something
that just happens No, you could actually do it.
There's guys that practice lucid dreaming. I
lucid dream pretty extensively. I remember when
you came out with Alphabrain, one of the first
things you said would help with lucid dreaming.
Oh, if you take it before bed, it definitely
helps with lucid dreaming. Yeah, and I remember
saying I didn't know what lucid dreaming was
at the time, and then I found out I was lucid
dreaming. And I've lucid dreamed... My my whole
life, but now that once I knew what it was I
could stay in a dream and decide and I could
go back into dreams I could restart a dream that
I just had go back to sleep and go I'm going
back. Yeah. Yeah, it sounds crazy And I know
it sounds like horseshit, but I never knew what
it was until alpha brain There's actual techniques
that people practice and apparently they give
classes and courses on how to do lucid books
written on it There's there's real techniques
on how to lucid dream. I just never I don't know
why like I when I'm tired I just want to go to
sleep. I go hard all day. Yeah, and when I crash
I just crash I don't want to be fucking around
and experimenting while I'm sleeping I just want
to go sleep my lucid dreams primarily are either
Like I'm I realize I'm dreaming I go home asleep.
I'm dreaming. This isn't real. Oh shit I'm in
control and then and then a lot of times it has
to do with fucking like I'm like, oh, I don't
have to put a condom on. This is great. This
is fucking, I can't, I'm gonna bang all these
fucking chicks in this room. And then one time
I had a lucid dream where I was like, I could,
I knew I was dreaming. I was outside. I had to
go up these steps into like an old cottage, like
one of those old Hollywood cottages. And I was
like, I gotta fuck, I gotta have sex with anyone
I want. And in my dream, I was like, oh, pick
your wife. How cool is that? And then I went
into this cottage. I know I fucked my wife. How
cool is that? I know. I could have fucked her
in real life. But a lot of my dreams back in
the day, when I first started lucid dreaming,
I would always decide to fly. And I remember
I had one right after we, the first time I ever
tried AlphaBrain. I had one and it was, I was
doing a photo shoot on Melrose. And I was like,
I don't want to be here. And then I was like,
wait, I'm dreaming. This isn't real. I was like,
I'm going to fly home. And so I just leapt up
in the air, started flying over Hollywood and
then over the hills. And I was like, wait, I
have no idea. I'm no frame of reference for where
I am. I was like, it's getting dark. And I was
like, where's the 101? And then in the dream,
I was just started kept flying. And then I'll
wake up shortly thereafter. But it's a lot of
like a lot of sex and a lot of flying. Lot of
people breathe underwater in their dreams. I
never breathe underwater Yeah, they breathe underwater
in their dreams. They fly flying's like really
common I used to have like crazy fucking dreams
like wild I sold a TV show to Comedy Central
about my dreams. I've had dreams where I wake
up laughing I've had dreams or wake up crying
like I have such insane fucking dreams But and
I know one ever wants to I know one ever wants
to hear you I would have dreamed joke dreams
like real joke dreams like I had a dream this
is a real dream I had where I was on stage and
I was in a dance position like this and is a
I know this sounds horseshit is a real dream
and and the curtains drawn and I look around
and I see I'm standing on stage with Four or
five dudes that are all in Klan outfits and I'm
like, oh fuck and I look down I realize I'm in
a Klan outfit And I'm like motherfucker and I'm
like I gotta get us off stage and the curtains
draw back and I hear and it's an all black people
and I hear the voice the voice of God go ladies
and gentlemen Put your hands together for the
click clack plan and we started tap dancing and
we were so good that the black people got to
their feet and They started cheering and we're
like, oh my god And so yeah, I was and that was
a real dream. I woke up and I wrote it down I
used to write down all my dreams voice text them.
I used to voice text them all I'd have dreams
about you and and stanhope and wrote and uh,
and joey dies Like I did it was like my whole
world. I used to think to myself Like I'd dream
about shack the other day. I was like, I wonder
if shack ever dreams about me I bet he doesn't
I bet he doesn't Who's the who's the who's someone
you've had a dream about recently I don't really
have dreams too many dreams about people not
people that I know. What are your dreams about?
My dreams are weird, man. Like, let's dig into
this. I had a dream that I came on the podcast
I had to talk about because it was the absolute
strangest, most realistic dream of my life. And
it was a dream where I encountered these beings
that were not human. And it was insanely realistic.
They were very human -like. I think there was
four of them. They were tall and thin, and they
looked kind of... They didn't look human. Their
heads were too big. Their eyes were too big.
And I think they had teeth. I don't remember.
But I remember they were joking with me. Like,
they scared me. And they're like, ah, just fucking
around. Like, trying to get me comfortable with
who they are. And they were communicating with
me somehow or another through thoughts. And I
was really freaked out because they seemed very,
very real. It didn't seem like any other dream
that I had, so much so that I woke up at like
3 .30 in the morning, and I'd just lay in bed
for an hour trying to go back to sleep, and I
couldn't go back to sleep. I was almost like,
I'm wide awake. And so I went to the gym, and
I just worked out at four in the morning. And
I worked out for like two hours. And after it
was over, I got in the sauna, did the whole thing,
and then I came to work. I was like, I have to
talk about this right away, because it was so
strange. It was one of the only dreams that I've
ever had that did not feel at all like a dream.
It felt like I was encountering someone or something
that was trying to get me comfortable with the
idea of encountering them. It wasn't like a dream.
I was in the corridor of something that seemed
like... It was not... Like it was from here.
It was like from somewhere else But it was almost
like it was very oddly lit like the walls were
lit in a very strange way But it was almost like
it was it was this corridor But it had a feeling
almost like it was organic like it was alive.
It was a living thing It was very fucking strange.
What if what if that was but what if that is
something that you did in? Fact experience that
was taken out of your memory and then it's stuck
in your memory and you're dreaming about it Me
I don't know. I mean you could maybe all day
long right and so my feeling was that I had and
this is again it clearly could was I was dreaming
right so clearly could have been just a dream,
but what it felt like Was that it was an actual
encounter with intelligence that wasn't human
That's what it felt like and it felt like these
things were not They were not us and maybe they
were what a human will be someday, because they
were human -like, but they were very slender.
They were very thin, and they were wearing these
suits that were almost like rash guards, like
what surfers wear, but a strange fabric. It looked
weird, and it was the color of their skin, but
it was clear that they were wearing something.
It didn't appear that they had any genitals.
They had no muscle tone at all. They were just
thin. And they were communicating with me and
looking at me. And they were close, like where
you are right now. And I think, like I said,
I think it was at least three of them. I think
there was four of them. But I remember there
was one that was going like, like joking and
then like joking around with me, like trying
to scare me. And then like, and it felt to me
after they did it, like, relax, like, this is
OK. Like, don't be freaked out. Whatever this
is don't be freaked out and then I woke up and
when I woke and then there was also this weird
Reptilian element of it. There was like a barrier
they had a barrier and they were feeding like
with They were like pouring food to these things
that almost like it was letting me know The the
protection between you and this horrific danger
That's out there in the world in the universe
in life. It's very it's very thin There's very
thin protection. There's not much protection.
It was just like a barrier, like a simple barrier,
like a fucking blockade they put to keep a crowd
from passing through an area to let you know
you're not supposed to go here. It's very weird.
It's crazy how much you... How long ago did you
have this dream? A few months ago. But isn't
it so wild that something that didn't happen
can be locked in your memory and then you just,
you're like... God, it affects you almost like
it did. Well, now it's like a memory of my recollection
of the memory, which is odd, which is memories
in general, which is why people distort memories
and change them and make, you know, make the
past something that's not really, you know, you've
talked to people that, yeah, yeah, yeah, we all
do it. I do it on podcasts. Yeah, everybody does
it. But this was different. This whatever this
dream was. I mean, look, there's a lot of. Confusion
about what happens during sleep, you know We
don't exactly know why you have dreams and what
it's all what it what's the function of it? What's
the purpose of it? But this one was different.
It was much more realistic than any dream. I
had ever experienced before like The interaction
between me and these creatures, these beings,
was very different than anything I'd ever experienced
in a dream. To the point where I felt it physically.
And I woke up, I can sleep on a bag of rocks.
I can just go to sleep, dude. It drives my wife
crazy, because she struggles to sleep, and if
we got on a plane, I just... I just cock out
because I'm always going so like when it's time
when it's downtime Yeah, I don't have a problem
sleeping dog. I can go to sleep. I sleep on a
roof I can sleep I couldn't go back to sleep,
which is really weird for me. I mean I was wide
awake at four in the morning, you know I'm like,
okay I'm going to the gym because I laid in bed
for a whole hour trying to go back to sleep.
So and it's just a dream Just go to sleep. I'm
like, dude, just get up. You're not going to
sleep. I'm like, alright, well, I'm up I'll just
go work out. Like, maybe that'll help me go to
sleep. Nope. I was wide awake. Wide awake. I
wasn't even... Most of the time when I'm working
out, I'm either watching music or watching fights
on TV. I didn't even do that. I was just by myself
in silence, trying to make sense of it. Just
doing chin -ups and dips and trying to make sense
of whatever the fuck that was. Because it just
didn't seem like a dream. It felt so real. It
felt so real. And when I've talked to, like,
my UFO friends, I feel like... Like Jesse Michaels
is like really in the UFOs. Oh, he's like, I
think you had a real encounter Mike. I don't
know, you know, I don't know what it was But
it certainly felt like a real encounter. Whatever
it was Do you listen to anything while you sleep
or you sleep in the south? Oh, I listen to podcasts.
So I've dream while you're sleeping always I
listen to so unhealthy listen to podcasts about
Rasputin last night I'll never see his dick.
They have his dick pickled in a jar. Are you
serious? Yeah, dude, he was You know, he was
just fingering chicks You sure I don't know.
I think it's not it's not in the giant hog like
that I think he's put it to use find Rasputin's
hog, but he was You'll see it that's my god the
size of that hog By the way, that's limp and
dead Imagine what that thing looked like when
it was hard Look at that look in that guy's face.
Look at the size of this cook. Look at this cook
Big old fucking pickled. That's a big dick. I
mean like again, this is like Dead man's dick.
So there's no blood in it at all. Imagine what
that thing was like hard big old Russian dick
Big old axe handle. Thank God. That wasn't my
dream. So he was You know, he was like, what
does it say? Rasputin's alleged genitals are
sold in 2000 for $8 ,000 still surrounded by
mystery with some experts believing it might
actually belong to a bull. Shut up. They've had
a hard time killing him Yeah, they try to poison
him right and they shoot him at the end and then
throw him in the fucking river Well Russians
are different white people. Ah, that's the joke.
I missed last night. What there was in the bottom
of the barrel? They were like Trump versus Putin
and I was like and I was thinking about Russ
Putin But I was thinking but I was like Trump
Russians are hard to kill and then I just went
on to What was this thing? He was like a spiritual
advisor Joe, that's great. I'll tell you everything.
You know, it was a self -described holy man He
was from 1869 to 1966. He was from Siberia. So
he gained significant influence with Tsar Nicholas
II after 1905, rapidly earning the trust of both
Nicholas himself and his wife Alexandra. He became
a healer, in quotes, for their hemophiliac son,
Alexei. What was happening was Alexei was getting
given aspirin by the doctors. And Rasputin came
in and was like, yo, get the doctors away from
him. And he was a hemophiliac. He had internal
bleeding. And when they removed the aspirin,
which is a blood thinner, the kid started to
heal. And so the Tsarina said he's magic even
like at one point the kid was gonna die and he
wrote a letter and he said leave tell that your
kids gonna be fine I had a dream about it but
get the doctors out of there and the doctors
were always giving him aspirin and that was what
was injuring the kid they're all all the royalty
at that time were hemophiliacs what yeah because
of the inbreeding that's why they have chins
they had long noses and they were all hemophiliacs
and so but what's crazy is the Russian So she
loved Rasputin and would write letters to Rasputin
that kind of sound a little sketchy But then
all of the all of Russia started thinking this
healer has an end to the czar in this arena So
all of a sudden this healers running the country
what they didn't know they couldn't tell anyone
No, our kids a fucking hemophiliac. They couldn't
tell anyone that because then they looked weak
And so so in a weird way Rasputin got Kind of
thrown to the wolves because they couldn't tell
him why we why they needed him that she wasn't
fucking him That their marriage was intact. How
do you know she wasn't fucking with that big
old giant dick? They're probably that was laying
pipe. He might have been he probably she wrote
a letter says I kiss your like she wrote a letter
and Translation was like kiss your cheek gently.
Oh, yeah some shit. Yeah, he fucked her It was
Catherine the great that fucked a horse. I heard
about that. Yeah, didn't she die fucking a horse?
I think so I went to that bar in Russia when
I was in Russia. We went to that barn If you
you inbreed, you know multiple generations in
a row and then give them ultimate power They're
gonna start fucking horses. I mean what what
kind of life is that? What kind of weird world
is that you're born royal? It's insane. You don't
want to watch it again what? Game of Thrones.
Started it all from the beginning. Are you serious?
Fucking amazing. We're on season two now. You
with your family? Yeah, me and my wife. It's
so good, dude. We did it with the girls on vacation.
Bro, whoever that dude is that played Joffrey,
that guy... should get all the awards. He's so
good. His transition from being like a shitty
kid to an evil king is fucking amazing. The way
he plays Joffrey is fucking incredible. I forgot
how good that show is. It's one of the greatest
shows of all time. It's so good. You'll never
see him as anything other than Joffrey. It's
a problem. Yeah, that's a problem for a lot of
people that have like significant like Kramer.
You know like two things a couple things. This
is the other thing Do you know he wrote a book
and didn't mention that in the book really? Yeah,
that's interesting Yeah, somebody read the book
one of the comics read the book He's like I'm
waiting for that to come up because he never
fucking brings it up What's the what's the title
a tell -all book except for one thing? Except
for the fucking biggest thing that's ever happened.
The biggest thing that ever happened in my life.
Not only that, it was the first cancellation,
the first public cancellation. Was that really
the first cancellation? Oh yeah, through viral
video. The first public cancellation through
viral video. Because I remember that night because
I think I was at the improv and then I came over
to remember that night and Brett Ernst Was at
the store. He had just come over from the laugh
factor. He goes, bro. He goes I was just a laugh
actor goes Kramer was off the rails. He goes
he went nuts He got heckled. You start yelling
the n -word at these fucking people in the audience.
I don't know He goes dude. It was fucking crazy
goes he was bombing and they were heckling him
and then he starts dropping in bombs I'm like
no way goes. Yeah, I don't know what the fuck
he was on, but he did a set at the store He seemed
a little a little speedy Yeah a little you know
a little elevated and then left the store bombed
at the store and went over to the laugh Factory
and that was that night He did he was at the
improv the weekend before and I was there and
he was he was doing stand -up, but he was doing
a version of Kramer, a version of like crazy
and he fell on a glass and broke the glass and
cut himself. But everyone laughed and I think
everyone's like, I think he's bleeding. But it
was like really off. Well, he was doing really
off stuff from the jump. Like he came to the
store. Think he just decided to start doing stand
-up because Seinfeld had been canceled for a
long time want to start doing something again
And he started doing stand -up, but he didn't
have any material. Yeah, he would just kind of
fall down It was weird He would like pretend
that something went wrong and like try to do
the mic stand and slip and fall It was very odd,
which is also my theory that I've been telling
everybody about Chevy chase Everybody is talking
about what a terrible person Chevy Chase is and
you know There's all these videos that come out
of him screaming at people and being mean and
you know I saw one with Bill Murray Rodney Dangerfield
and him Where it's like back right when they're
promoting caddyshack Yeah, some other guy right
some other guy that's on the set and this is
my take on it. I want you to pull up the Like
a compilation of Chevy Chase's Pratt Falls, okay
Chevy chase has to be in constant pain has to
be he has to be in constant pain and almost 100
% has CTE Chevy chase used to throw himself down
flights of stairs He should throw himself off
the stage into chairs and tables He used to like
slip go flying through the air land on his head
the most Ridiculous pratfalls The most aggressive,
violent pratfalls you've ever seen. And he did
this for years. For years. Like he was in a car
crash multiple times a week for years. Wow. Yeah.
I mean, maybe he had a shitty personality already.
Well, I think he was also that first generation
of what fame is like he was the most famous person
to ever come off SNL ever like his walking off
SNL was like Get ready for a movie star and I
don't think I don't think will ever I won't ever
understand the level of fame he had At the time
like like his fame was like and this is also
I mean like look I love Burt Reynolds But Steve
Martin was super famous too, and he's not a cunt.
No, you know what I mean? It's like I don't think
that's it. I want to I want you to see these
videos I can find a bunch of videos of it. Just
you didn't I know there's a compilation I've
seen it I just typed it in and the video that
pops up only has it's a four -minute video of
him on Johnny Carson No, I know There's a bunch
There's a bunch. That was Gerald Ford fell, right?
Yeah, because Gerald Ford was kind of like Biden.
He would fall all the time. So here is... Dude,
look at that. You know how hard he falls there?
Go back and watch that again. Watch how hard
he falls when he does this. This is him doing
this Christmas... What happened? The Christmas
thing that you just showed. You could find it
Okay, watch this watch this watch him fall boom
headfirst with the tree falls down barely stops
his fall Chevy Chase worst wrestling moments
from Saturday life like this is just This is
him just stumbling around. This is nothing, but
there's videos of him Fall okay, obviously that
chair is gonna break No, this is not what I'm
looking for see if he could find it find it and
get back to us But there's I know there's videos
of him like literally like flying off stage landing
on his back Just slipping legs up in the air
landing on his head. Yeah, I fell I'd have off
a ladder for a TV show one time They're like
we need you to fall and they had a crash pad
it You get four steps up a ladder, you're high
as fuck. Well, even if you have a crash pad,
your head is wobbling around, right? So your
brain is sloshing around from the impact. This
is one of the things that people don't realize,
like football players get brain damage from getting
hit in the chest. So CTE, you can get from riding
a jet ski. from bouncing on the waves. It's your
brain walking, fucking bouncing around off the
walls of your skull. From roller coasters. You
can get it from everything. You can get it from
a lot of things. Repeated. Sub concussive trauma,
but he fell and landed on his fucking head. Yeah,
and if you find the video that's compilation
There's a compilation of people like the worst
falls of Chevy chase and it's crazy Really and
he did this for years That was his thing slip
and fall slip and fall slip and fall and tons
of coke all those things So slip and fall allegedly
tons of coke allegedly allegedly. I mean, I don't
know. I mean I read some books But the book on
do you know what happened with Bill Murray was
here when he was tired. Yeah, I love that book
so when he Read Wired he read so the guy who
wrote Wired was Bob Woodward Bob Woodward was
the guy that was involved in Watergate He was
the naval intelligence officer who became a journalist
and his first ever assignment was to take down
the president which is Very suspicious like Tucker
Carlson told me the whole story behind I was
like what? The people that were break that broke
in were all FBI. The whole thing was a setup
It was to set Nixon up and they'd already gotten
rid of spirit Agnew who was his VP They got him
on I think corruption charges. I forget what
it was. Didn't Kennedy put the the bug system
in there Wasn't that it was the president before
that put the put the wire the wiring in the inside
the room, right? What room in Watergate didn't
was didn't know no no no no no listen. It was
a setup Nixon was not involved in the setup,
but they told him about what happened, and then
he was involved in the cover -up That's how they
okay, okay? That's how they got him And that's
how he got removed from office and the recordings
were from his office right the recordings were
from the Democratic Party So he was recording
the Democratic Party. He was Recording he was
secretly recording the opposition party, but
he didn't do it So, the FBI did it, and then
they brought it to him, knowing that he would
cover it up. And that's where he committed the
crime. Like, instead of coming out and saying,
hey, some people have recorded these people.
And even if he did that, they would have said
he was involved. But the whole thing was to get
him out of office. The reason why they wanted
to get him out of office was because he was publicly
and privately stating, at least Amongst other
people that were in the White House and that
he knew who killed JFK And he was gonna get to
the bottom of it because look JFK had just been
killed He ran against JFK in 60 in 1960 60 or
62 62. What year was it? It either way. I think
it was 60 He ran against JFK and then JFK gets
assassinated and now he's the president and when
he's the president He was publicly stating or
privately saying to different people, like he
was going to get to the bottom of it and he knew
who killed JFK. He was like investigating it.
He was interested in it, obviously, because he
was worried they were going to kill him. And
so then they set him up and they removed him
from office and they put Gerald Ford in as his
VP. Gerald Ford was also on the Warren Commission.
Like the whole thing was a giant setup to get
rid of the most popular president in the history
of the country. You know, and everybody's like,
oh, Nixon's a crook, Nixon's a crook. I'm not
a crook. That was all like his gigantic propaganda
PR campaign to remove Nixon from office. It was
all a deep state operation. Wow. Nixon won the
presidency like the widest margin of anybody
in history. He was the most popular president
in history. And in today's days, we think of
Nixon as being a crook and a scumbag, but he
didn't even do it. He was just involved in the
cover -up when they brought it to him. Was like,
what is he gonna do? He's running for president
again to reelection and they're saying, you know
Hey, these guys they busted these guys recording
things Cover it up. And so that's how they got
him. And what was his post presidency? So what
do you mean? Let me finish. Oh, so before I go
any further so Bill Murray is here and he said
he read the first couple pages of wired and he
goes he put it down He goes, oh my god, they
framed Nixon That was the first thing that he
said He said because the version that Bob Woodward
told of John Belushi his very good friend was
so wildly off He goes that time where John did
that speedball and died was probably the only
time we ever did that He goes he was a total
lightweight. He would have a couple of drinks
and he'd be drunk He wasn't a guy who did drugs
all the time. He goes it was all bullshit. Are
you serious? Yes Yes. Do you realize like guys
like Chris Farley literally idolized John Belushi
because of books like Wired. Exactly. Exactly.
And well, the difference is Chris Farley really
was doing drugs. Myself, I idolized John Belushi.
I read Wired when I was in college and was like,
dude, this is, I mean, there's so many aspects
of my personality that I draw from a book like
that of like the way he was comfortable in an
agent's office. And about P12 shots I get because
of John Belushi. Well, I'm sure he did all those
things, and I'm sure he partied, but like the
version, this exaggerated version of just being
completely out of control on drugs was fake.
And this is according to Bill Murray, who is
best friends with him. He's like, it's not true.
It's like if somebody tried to write something
about you, and I read it and I was like, this
is not bird at all. So his initial thought was,
oh my God, they framed Nixon. Jesus Christ. And
they did. They did frame Nixon. See if you can
find the video of Tucker Carlson explaining to
me how they frame Nixon I have a copy of wired
in my tour bus. Yeah, don't read it. I'm gonna
get rid of Bob Bob Woodward's intelligence agent
100 % he was naval intelligence and then he left
from that which he never really leave and then
he became a reporter for the Washington Post
And his first job was Watergate, which is nonsense.
It's a fucking insane No way you would a senior
reporter would be covering the most important
story. You wouldn't give it to a rookie whose
first assignment. What about Bernstein? What
about him? I don't know. Because didn't they
write it together? Yeah, they did. I mean, I
don't know anything about Bernstein. Did we ever
find out who Deepthroat was? Yeah, listen to
this, though. This is seven minutes long. Watch
the whole thing. Let's listen to some of it because
it's interesting. That's what it is. It's their
tool. And they're perfectly aware of that. I
mean I used to write for the New York Times as
a freelancer. I mean I've been around the New
York Times a lot and There are yeah, there are
a lot of really smart people there. I mean for
sure even now I would less so now, but they're
still I think smart people there there are I
know some and they know But they think that that
you know, it's worth it because they're bringing
information or I don't know what they think actually
But no, they're they're tools Power and that's
like the one thing that you're not allowed to
be even if you think the power is good like maybe
they all support the agenda of the US government
Destabilizing the world and impoverishing their
own population. Maybe they're on board with that
Even if they are they shouldn't do it because
the job of the media the press is to keep power
in check you are Kind of like the seat belt right,
you know, right you make sure that Things don't
go too far. So And they're not doing that. They're
acting as a willing handmaiden. When do you think
that's wished? I Think it's been the case for
a long time. I mean if you look at what happened
in Richard Nixon, which I of course did not understand
at all Richard Nixon was taken out by the FBI
and CIA and With the help of Bob Bob Woodward
who was a Washington Post reporter who had been
a naval intelligence officer working in the White
House, working in the Nixon White House. And
then he shows up, like a year later, and he's
this brand new reporter. He'd never been a journalist
at all. He's a naval intel officer. The famous
Bob Woodward, we all revere. And he's at the
Washington Post, and somehow he gets the biggest
story in the history of the Washington Post.
He's the lead guy in that story. Well, I worked
in a newspaper. I've been in the news business
my whole life. That is not how it works. You
don't take a kid like his first day from a totally
unrelated business and put him on the biggest
story. But he was. He was that guy. And who is
his main source for watergate? Oh, the number
two guy at the FBI. Oh, so you have the naval
intelligence officer working with the FBI official
to destroy the president. Okay, so that's a deep
state coup. How would you describe that? If that
happened in Guatemala, what would you say? And
yet, the way it was framed and the way that I
accepted for decades was, oh, this intrepid reporter
fought power. No, no, no. This intrepid reporter,
Bob Woodward, was a tool of power, secret power,
which is the most threatening kind, to bounce
the single most popular president in American
history, Richard Nixon, from office before the
end of his term and replace him with who? Oh,
Gerald Ford, who sat on the Warren Commission.
Now, how did Gerald Ford get to be Richard Nixon's
vice president? Well, because Carl Albert, the
Democrat speaker of the House, told him, you
must choose him. We will only confirm him when
they sent the actual elected vice president away
for tax evasion, Spiro Agnew of Maryland. So
you have a complete setup. Gerald Ford, the only
unelected president in American history, actually
sat on the Warren Commission. Something else
that I accepted at face value until I looked
at it. I was like, that's completely insane.
You didn't want to be in your investigation The
assassination. Okay, you're fake. Yeah, he was
on the Warren Commission and So sorry for the
long story, but the point is like that that happened
in front of all of us But the way it was framed
cloaked to the obvious reality of it the people
who broke into the Watergate office building
from which the name is taken Watergate I think
it was six of them or seven of them All but one
was a CI employee. That's real. It's like, look
it up on Google. So the whole thing, Richard
Nixon was elected by more votes than any president
in American history in the 1972 election. He
was the most popular by votes, which is the only
way we can really measure popularity, the most
popular president in his reelection campaign.
And two years later, he's gone. Undone by a naval
intel officer the number two guy at the FBI and
a bunch of CIA employees You tell me what that
is. Those are the facts. Those are not disputed
facts. That's not crackpot shit That's just look
it up. So why did they want to get rid of Nixon?
Um, you know, there are a lot of theories on
that. I mean we don't first of all, we don't
need to know motive to know what happened they
meaning unelected federal employees got rid of
Richard Nixon, which is the most Anti -democratic
way to make a leadership change that there is
okay. I Should just say that I actually kind
of believe in democracy. Obviously. It's not
working. Well, obviously it's ending globally
There will never be another liberal democracy,
unfortunately, but I'm attached to it because
I was born here I really believe in it and it's
better than any other system So that's why I'm
pissed. What was their motive? There are a lot
of theories on this there's an amazing conversations
on tape Between Richard Nixon when he was still
president he was in 1973 and I think it was Richard
Helms the head of the CIA though I may have fucked
that up, but it was the head of the CIA. I think
it was Helms And Nixon says I know why they killed
Jack Kennedy so Nixon was a student of history
of obviously a flawed and complicated person,
but a very very smart person And he was really
interested in why this guy who'd been president,
just one president before him, was murdered.
And he didn't think it was a lone gunman who
was mysteriously assassinated two days later
by another lone gunman. Like, it's so obviously
bullshit. And he knew that. And he said to the
CIA director, who, and you can listen to the
tape, it's on the internet, is totally silent
on this question. So I think... There was the
impression. I don't think I know that Nixon understood
that the bureaucracy was really in control of
the country. It wasn't elected officials and
That's a massive threat Because it's true That's
good. So dude Yeah, that's all media. Yeah all
media takes their slant and their angle and decides
they're gonna dictate it their way as opposed
to I don't even know I I don't even know of a
journalist that Mean no one it there's no one
that sits Objectively and watches anything anymore.
No not in mainstream media No, absolutely saw
what they did with the photo of that kid who
got shot that pretty guy who got shot in Minneapolis
MSNBC doctored his photo and made him better
-looking fixed his teeth Squared his jaw gave
him a tan You don't see it. No. Well, please
pull that we showed it yesterday, but we'll show
it again today the before and after it's in the
Text that I say, yeah, it's fucking crazy. Look
at the difference What? Yeah, it's him on the
left. He looks like Ari's brother on the right
He looks like some fucking handsome cross fitter,
but look at the difference Look at the teeth.
Look at the nose. They shrunk his nose. They
widen his jaw. They shrunk his chin That's crazy
They decided he was too ugly to be sympathetic
towards so so then so then Man this kind of bums
me out that you I mean I always kind of had hopes
up that if I turned on If I turned on the news,
I'd hear some objective rant or some objectiveness
of anything, but there's none Yeah, you got to
go independent. You got to go to Glenn Greenwald
Michael Schellenberger and people like that Matt
tie B. You got to go to independent journalists
There's the only ones that are gonna give you
the real deal people that are connected to giant
corporations that their jobs distribute the news
They're not gonna give you they're gonna give
you a narrative that's approved who was deep
throat Because deep throat was exposed. They
did eventually expose deep throat and it's even
more shocking when you find out who deep throat
was I saw the movie That's a different movie
Well that the name my insight was Because in
nod to the movie. Oh for real. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah,
the the movie came out first Deep throat was
w mark felt the number two official the FBI during
Watergate Who secretly provided key information
to Washington Post reporter Bob Woodward? So
the FBI was involved in the break -in The number
two official at the FBI was the guy who was providing
information under the name Deep Throat. So the
FBI did it. They did the whole thing. Is that
your phone? Yeah, I'm an old man, Joe. An old
man. It's the FBI. He said FBI too many times.
Who's calling you when it's on Do Not Disturb?
It might be the FBI. Spam risk? Should I answer?
No. Why is it? I don't understand. You put it
on Do Not Disturb. I have no idea, Joe. I'm old.
They're hacking it. They probably do. That's
a weird ring though. It's an old man ring. Because
my wife doesn't answer her fucking phone so I
turned her ring to that so she changed my ring
to that. We're two old fucking people. So then
what's the fix? How do I trust anyone? We have
to trust independent news. Independent media
that's not connected to any corporation. Because
as soon as you're connected to a corporation,
you're connected to advertisers. As soon as you're
connected to advertisers, a giant percentage
of advertisers on television is pharmaceutical
drug companies, major corporations. So you have
things that you're not allowed to touch. That's
why you never hear anything in all the news about
vaccine injuries. You never never hear about
all these people that are having strokes all
these people that the rise in heart attacks the
rise in myocarditis particularly amongst young
people blood clots That's what we were talking
about. I got vaxed like four times like boosters
from ww johnson johnson johnson and uh, that's
the first thing they say when they start looking
at blood cuts They're like do you get vaccinated
and I was like, yeah four times even doctors
like fight You didn't need to do it four times.
Yeah. Well, I don't know why you did that because
you had to get new goddamn concert The show you
didn't have to have four of them to get in a
concert I had a TV first one was real early like
I got it when when you were gotten canceled for
getting it. Mm -hmm They're like just just Mexican
people and I just went in with a mask on like
hola You got a fucking shot in East LA excited
to go shoot a movie Wow, they're like do not
show your fucking face. I was like, I won't I
won't why not show your face because it was like
it was back when it was like it was just Was
it neat not needy workers? What is it called
the? Remember remember the first round of work
workers. It was like like people you need in
the country, you know, right and so I'm sure
Yeah, and then I was shooting a movie. So like
they got me a pass to get it Oh, so you got it
when you weren't supposed to get it. Well, yeah
way early way early interesting and then and
then I got it I Got it. I had to get it again
in Serbia For a movie and yeah, and that's when
they made you get it again again Yeah, and then
I got it when I came home and then I got it one
more time Moe Amor told me how to do it He had
to get boosted before they let him do his Netflix
series. Yeah Why he might had kovat he'd recovered
He had kovat when we were all doing those concerts
when me and Chappelle and him and a bunch of
other guys were we're doing those pandemic concerts
He got COVID. So there was no reason for him
to get boosted. I got boosted four times. I got
COVID 11 times. God. I mean, it's like fucking...
So crazy. It's crazy. I had COVID when I was
shooting Free Bird. Jeez. I gave it to a bunch
of people. They were like, you got a cough. And
I was like, ah, it's fine. Do you want to get
tested? I was like, no, I'm not getting tested.
My wife asked me to wear a condom. I was like,
we're good, guys. And then I gave it to one of
the dudes, I think. The dude was wearing a mask.
He was the only one that got it shout out to
My buddy. Well, he probably had gotten boosted
a bunch of times. I should tell everyone to watch
freebird on Netflix I that's I should say that
keep going. I can't tell you something. I'm obsessed
with I'm dying to talk to you about So like I
watched the I've been watching I've been watching
a lot of UFC lately and and and I want your perspective
because I'm thinking of this globally like Jordan
They compare Jordan LeBron James, right? And
they compare Tom Brady to Joe Montana. And the
big argument they always say is, well, you know,
Tom Brady couldn't play in the league Joe Montana
played in because the rules were different. They
got fucked up left and right. Right. And like
they were concussions and there was no roughing
the passer. You could hit the quarterback late.
All that shit. Right. Well, what about UFC? Because
like how would say and I don't mean slanderous.
I just. curious. Someone like Tank Abbott or
Dan Severinsen or Hoyce Gracie, how would they
fare against, say, the fighters that are fighting
today? Well, it really all depends on whether
or not they're... I think Tank Abbott would do
really well. I think Tank Abbott would do really
well because the heavyweight division is the
most shallow division. Like would he do really
well against the guys like Cyril Gahn or Tom
Aspinall? Probably not. But he didn't do really
well against guys like Maury Smith. You know,
the real elite strikers of the day. But Tank
Abbott was... a fucking huge man. I mean, he
was an enormous, powerful guy who had ridiculous
knockout power, and he would brawl. And anybody
who brawled... Look at Derek Lewis. Derek Lewis
has the most knockouts in the history of the
UFC. And he's not, like, the most highly skilled
guy in the sport. He's just a really big, powerful
guy who has unbelievable knockout power. And
he's still... Relatively successful even today
I mean as the most knockouts in the history of
the heavyweight division But 10 tank Abbott would
still fuck a lot of people up in the lower ranks
of the heavyweight division Dan Severin would
still take a lot of people down and beat their
asses because he was an elite wrestler Like those
kind of skills mark Coleman would take a lot
of people down and beat their asses those skills
That they have like the elite wrestlers and the
really powerful punchers. They would always do
well hoist Gracie First of all, if he was fighting
in the UFC, he would be fighting without a gi.
So that would be different, right? So he relied
on the gi a lot because... He would get a hold
of guys and they would grab the ghee like instinctively
and like great like that's part That's what he
wanted and then and then once it went to the
ground I mean it was like a man and a child like
his jiu -jitsu was so good and for the time No
one even knew jiu -jitsu. So he was a black belt
against white belts and he was just tapping out
everybody Nobody had a chance in this day and
age. That's just not the case anymore hoist Gracie
still If he was alive today, or not if he's alive
today, of course he's alive today, if he was
competing today, if he was a young man competing
today, he would still give hell to a lot of people
in an appropriate weight class if it went to
the ground because his jiu -jitsu is so good.
His striking was always a means to an end. His
striking, he would go at a distance, he would
kick at your legs, but his whole thing was about
closing the distance, getting you to the ground,
strangling you, getting you an arm bar, tapping
you out a triangle. Jiu -jitsu, so he was a pure
jiu -jitsu fighter and if it went to the ground
today He would still give real problems to a
lot of fighters because he was that good He was
that good at the ground on the ground and today
with the difference in training partners. He'd
be even better Yeah, I'm reading this book by
Wright Thompson. You know that dude. He's he
wrote pappy land No, but he's talking about Jordan
in this book and how at 50 Jordan had a hard
time Like going to the next phase of his life.
He still was like what if I put him on what if
I put I want You know is a champion and I happens
with fighters, too Oh, yeah, I mean you go back
to Shannon Sharpen. He's doing better now financially
than he ever did But I bet he traded all of this.
Yeah, it's the glory of sport. It's like there's
nothing else like those highs. Especially for
a fighter, when you're still like Justin Gaethje
this weekend, who beat Patty Pimblitt. Oh my
god. Crazy fight. That guy, when it was over,
the happiness that he had, the smile on his face,
he was just in a high, like nothing else in life.
It's hard. for those guys to put that away. It's
hard for those guys to let that go. And their
identity is completely wrapped around the fact
that they're an elite fighter. How did you not
have your identity about your career? Because
I know you pretty well and you never really like
it's tough to disconnect your identity to your
career or your dreams or your hopes Which I think
fighters it's easy to understand athletes. It's
easy to understand but I think it happens with
comedians and actors and Even podcasters to say
how did you not do that? Well, I don't know I
recognize the pitfalls in it, but I also recognize
that at the end of the day You're just a human
being and I think I've said this a million times
and I'm sorry I have to repeat it, but I think
Brutal workouts are what center me It's the one
thing that centers me more than anything in life
because I do to myself I Humble myself all the
time like I break myself I break myself down
all the time So that like when life comes or
like all that other stuff seems like something
I do. It's fun. It's great It's but I'm just
me I'm just a human being. I'm me in the 10th
round when I want to quit. And the bell goes
off, and I know I have to hit the bag for three
more minutes. You know? Like, I know who I am.
Like, I don't need my career to tell me who I
am. And I have enough fuck you money that I could
just sail off into the sunset. Bye bye. Do you
think you will? No. No. No, I like this. It's
fun. I've thought about it. I've thought about
a bunch of things, doing different things. If
I had multiple lives, I would live a bunch of
different lives. Oh, tell me about one. I'd be
a professional pool player. That's what I would
like to do. Yeah. I'd like to go on a tour, play
professional pool. If I just had like a year
to really practice, I think I could do it. It's
just, there's no way. There's no money. There's
no time. There's nothing. So I just have to like
keep that one in my head as a hobby and make
sure I don't get too addicted to it. You know,
my problem is I get addicted to things and then
I just like obsess on them. And then the weird
part of my brain that focuses obsessively on
things. It would just overcome all the rest of
my life and it would just be this one thing that
I think of. I allow that in bursts. Like I allow
that like when I was getting ready for my comedy
special, my live special, that was my whole life.
I didn't think about anything else other than
doing that set. Like when I go hunting, I don't
think about anything else other than getting
in shape, shooting perfect arrows, getting ready
to hunt. I allow myself these brief moments of
obsession. But I have to be careful. I have to
be careful with my brain. Your brain's fascinating.
I wish I listened to you more. Like when we were
younger, you said stuff that I just was like,
that's not right. Like what? It might not be
right for you. No, no, no. I wish I had. I remember
one time you're like, you're working too hard.
You should be your focus should be be less famous
and I was like, what are you talking about? And
now I'm there I'm like, oh, I know exactly what
you're talking about. That's why I took the Spotify
deal I was hoping I would be like 10 % less famous
That was my idea. I was like good less people
watch Spotify less people listen How many people
gonna go over there like Jamie coming to kind
of freaked out the beginning because we lost
half of our audience Like right away. It's like
we lost half the crowd like so what who cares?
Good, I'll be less famous. I don't want to be.
I wanted to be famous so bad. Well, it's because
you weren't. Yeah. Right? And so I already was.
So I kind of had a perspective, like, this isn't
what everybody thinks it is. It's just weird.
You know, like, the glory of it, it's all fake.
Like, the people that love you, they don't even
know you. No. Like, it's kind of crazy. Like,
the people that love you should be the people
that know you. You know, that's a good thing.
If the people that know you hate you, but the
rest of the world loves you, then you're in an
Ellen position, right? You're in this weird position
where you're a fake person. Yeah. Where everybody
thinks you're one thing, but you're actually
another thing. So the people around you don't
like you. And then when the water breaks and
everybody starts talking, all the staff start
talking shit about you, and you realize like,
oh, she was a monster. You know, so I think I
had the benefit of having some fame. to realize
like, oh, this is not. Also, I think about things
a lot. I don't just accept things for what they
are. If something's happening, I'm like, okay,
but what is this really? What is this really?
You did listen a little because I remember the
one time I called you when you were on a motorcycle
in Vietnam. And I was like, bro, you got to quit
that job. And you're like, what? And I was like,
you got to your funny comic, man. You're a funny
dude. You're great on podcasts. You don't need
to do this. Like the world's changed. This is
holding you back. Thank God. Thank God. You know,
it's like I always say like thank God I had the
right people in my life at the right times Because
I there's so much about like like I'll tell you
like, you know with the blood clot thing They
said, you know, I never every time I got sober
was always to like just prove I could get sober
for a month You know, right and just be like
I'll take a break get healthy get good blood
work. I'm back at it This is the first time I've
ever looked at it. Like I never looked at how
often I was disrespectful to my health Like how
often I was like but get in the airport and be
like drinking at six in the morning like fuck
it, you know And then I go and now that I'm flying
I'm forced to fly sober I get in the airport
and I go have egg whites Egg whites you need
the yolk. No, you can't have too much iron me
on blood thinners This whole fucking thing's
right here But they said sober for six months
and then I and then I had a really interesting
conversation with my trainer and with Leanne
over this conversation They were like, you know,
it's so funny is they don't see my lifestyle
is partying and everything is disrespectful to
my health because I work out, because I get blood
work, because I'm sober for every now and they
were saying, it's disrespectful to people that
don't, that just say online and scroll and don't
live their life. That's what's disrespectful.
How so? Like if you were just like, you come
home and you lock into video games and you don't
go out and you don't really connect with people
and then you wake up and you scroll for three
hours and then you light a cigarette and you
go to work and you come home and you play video
games, you're not living your life. And they're
like, Leanne was saying the other day, she was
like, you know, don't look like, get excited
to start drinking again, but make sure that you
can measure that, you know? Get excited. Just
start drinking again is a wild thing to say.
Oh, I mean, I'm looking forward. But how is it
disrespectful to people that are watching you?
No, no, no, no, no. I meant, you know, people
that aren't living, like people that are leaving
comments and like shitting on girls, skateboarding,
going, you should wear a bra, or like guys that
aren't living their life and not spending their
time out with family and living their life. So
what's disrespectful to them? I'm lost said it's
disrespectful. No, no, they're just they're disrespecting
their own life by not living Okay by not getting
in the gym not going out not going and having
dinner with your wife How is your life you disrespecting
your health doing anything to them? No, no, I
think I was just two parallels like I was looking
at health thinking in hindsight Like how many
times I just you know, burn the candle at both
ends didn't think like how all how fragile life
actually is Oh, yeah. Well, you're very durable,
unfortunately. That's part of the problem, is
you were able to do that and show no bad health
markers. Like, you were drinking all the time.
You got your blood work done, your liver's fine.
You're like, look at this, it's great. Like,
I remember you were super nervous, like, when
you first started getting blood work, but then
you're like, it turns out it's fine. Yeah. Yeah,
you have great genetics, you know? But you think,
I think now I go, man, I'm like, my grandfather
died at 53. And I'm 53. Like and then you start
seeing people die and you're like shit man Yeah,
like this blood clot scared the fuck out of me
because people die from this they die from it
It's not yeah, it's no joke. And then you're
like, well fuck that was just me flying Did they
make you do a D dimer test? So D dimer test is
when they test your body for clots for micro
clots So apparently a lot of people that have
got a ton of boosters. Yeah got they have microclots.
And this is one of the things, there was a Canadian
doctor that was one of the first guys to get
canceled for saying that the vaccine was causing
clots because he was one of the first guys that
was doing a D -dimer test on all of his patients.
And he found out that this vaccinated patients,
the vast majority of them were having these microclots
all throughout their system. And it was being
caused. in his opinion, by the vaccine. And boy,
eventually his business wound up getting burned
to the ground. He got he lost his medical license.
He lost his practice. It was a crazy story. And
he was right. He was right. And now it's pretty
mainstream like that discussion of it. And, you
know. Even doctors who used to prescribe boosters
don't prescribe them anymore, which is kind of
crazy At what point in time like the people that
are that used to say you need to get your booster
Well, how come you're not getting boosters anymore
COVID still around those people aren't getting
boosters. No one's getting boosters anymore None
of those people are are they saying that we have
a higher? antibody rate now? Like, why is COVID
not as dangerous today as it was then? Well,
the thing that happens with viruses is they become
less potent, but more transmissible. And that
becoming more transmissible allows the virus
to spread, and being less potent means it doesn't
kill the host. So it's actually better for the
virus to be more transmissible, but less potent.
And that generally happens in time when people
develop antibodies and people develop, you know,
like a resistance to it. So what happens is the
virus just becomes easier to transmit but less
potent. Well, yeah, that's why the variants over
time got less and less like the Delta variant
was actually pretty strong but after that they
started dropping off and Then Omnicron was pretty
nothing and then they stopped naming them because
it really wasn't just a couple variants There's
there's hundreds of them They don't even know
how many and a lot of it is because they vaccinated
during a pandemic and one of the things that
virologist throughout history we're always saying
is you never vaccinate during a pandemic because
when you vaccinate during a pandemic you actually
encourage variants. because the vaccine realizes,
especially when you have a leaky vaccine like
COVID. So what a leaky vaccine is a vaccine that
doesn't stop transmission and doesn't stop infection.
What it does is it gives you some protection
through antibodies. But that allows you to get
the cold and then the cold realizes, oh, this
guy's got these antibodies, we'll just work around
that. And then people who had antibodies to the
original wild virus, once they got vaccinated,
this variant wouldn't see, but it would have
a different pathway because their original immunity
was to the wild virus. The original antibodies
were to the first virus that doesn't even exist
anymore. So your body didn't recognize these
new variants. So people get COVID even more easily.
I know I butchered that of your virologist, but
there's a guy named Geert van der Bosch, and
he is a vaccine specialist. He's a virologist.
And one of his, he specializes in vaccines. And
he was one of the early people saying, this is
madness. This goes against conventional thinking.
You do not vaccinate during a pandemic. Jesus.
I'll tell you what, I've had COVID a bunch. Nothing
was like the swine flu. Yeah, you told me that
remember in 2009 right do you got it bad I had
I thought I was gonna die I've never been that
sick in my life shallow breathing I mean it was
I'd and I was in I had to fly to Mexico cuz I
was doing a gig and I and I was like I got on
the plane I always drank on planes had two drinks
and I was like I was like I'm a test or and I
fucking To this day, I've never been that sick
in my life, and I don't know how it didn't kill
me. You never drink when you're sick. Oh, no
shit. It is the worst. It's so bad for your immune
system to drink when you're sick, because you
just give your immune system this new thing to
fight while it's already involved in a fight.
I got on the plane with Leanne. We were flying
to Mexico, and I was like, I'm not that bad.
I remember being cold. I remember it hit me like
a ton of bricks that night. I was like, I'm getting
fucking sick immediately. Like, it was like...
Bam. And back then you weren't even taking vitamins.
No, I wasn't doing anything. Yeah. That's the
problem. And this is the other thing that are
the big problem that I had during the COVID.
thing is like, I knew people were getting over
COVID. It wasn't killing everybody. And they
were making out like everybody was going to get
it was going to die. Everybody unvaccinated was
going to die. But I knew people that got it and
weren't the healthiest people, and they were
fine. So I'm like, Well, what the hell's going
on? Like, what is it? And how come nobody's talking
about vitamins? Nobody's talking about the impact
that vitamins have on your immune system, which
is well documented. And then if you brought it
up, you're a conspiracy theorist. You're a crazy
person. But everyone listen, because you brought
I'll never forget the day you brought up vitamin
D. Yeah, and I went to Rite Aid that day to get
vitamin D And it was gone. I mean the fuck it
was like it had been looted There was no vitamin
D to be found and it was like I think was like
D3 or something D3 and K2 and they were calling
and I was with magnesium Is the move D3 K2 and
magnesium all together? Do you know so funny?
I have rosacea on my cheeks Besides just got
it as you get it when you're older sometimes
and the cure is ivermectin That's hilarious.
They were like you should get on ivermectin.
I was like I said, you mean horse tranquilizer
horse paste horse paste. Yeah horse dewormer
Yeah, like what CNN called it, but it's so great
It was the first thing that like have you ever
heard of ivermectin and I was like my friends
at Joe Rogan. Are you kidding me? Don't put me
on CNN. They'll make me purple Yeah, well the
crazy thing about that CNN thing is I mentioned
a bunch of other things that I took all of them
were very effective. It wasn't one thing that
I mentioned. I mentioned IV vitamins. And I took
IV NAD, IV vitamins, and then the big one was
monoclonal antibodies. And monoclonal antibodies,
they made it really hard for people to get after
that, because people were just saying, oh, I
just need to get monoclonal antibodies, and I'm
better. Bro, I shipped monoclonal. We were using
a telemedicine nurse, and there was a part of
a, like, nationwide service that you could send
people, a nurse, and they would go deliver monoclonal
antibodies and IV vitamins. And the IV vitamins
thing, it always existed, but the monoclonal
antibodies, they added to it once COVID came.
I can't tell you how many people that I sent
nurses to, people that I didn't even know, people
that were friends of friends, my mom's friend.
And I'd say, give me the address, tell me who
they are and I'll send it to them. And I paid
for all of it. And I did it to like at least
100 people. No bullshit. At least 100 people.
Yeah. Actors who are like, like super liberal.
I didn't out any of them. They would send me
a DM. Hey man, I got COVID. What should I do?
And I said, where are you? Tell me where you
live. I'm going to have someone send. to you
and I just send someone to them and then they'd
come back and thank me very few of them ever
thank me publicly but a lot of them got the service
and a lot of people that weren't famous people
just like my friend's mom or my mom or my uncle
or my cousin someone got covered they're doing
really bad I'm like tell me where they are and
and I did it I'm not lying I did it like a hundred
people I spent a lot of money doing how much
does how much would something like that cost
thousands of dollars for real yeah yeah yeah
I did it for people I didn't know. I did it for
people I had never met. I did it for people that
were famous that I never met. I just said it
was easier to me for just to send them to them.
Leanne was the first person to get COVID in our
house and I used to have a joke about it. She
had COVID and she gave me a hand job and I didn't
get it. I was like, that's how intimate our hand
jobs are. That's hilarious. She got it and I
remember doing, I remember I called you when
you were like, get her the NAD, you gave me the
whole fucking list and we got it. She got over
it right away. We ended up right away and we're
like, cool, we can go skiing. And then we all
got it. We all got it. You're not ready yet.
Georgia gave it to me and she goes, I remember
we were at the, Georgia gave it to me and I remember
we were sitting at the dinner table that night
at our ski place and she was like, started crying.
And I go, baby, don't cry. It's fine. Listen,
it's totally fine. She was like, you're high
risk. You gotta think of it as like, it's over,
the bad part's over, but now your body's in recovery.
So you can't go skiing or do anything crazy.
I remember skiing the first day with COVID thinking,
you know, it's just me, the mountain was empty.
I was like, it's just me. I don't really have
it. I'm fine. I tested negative. I remember I
tested negative and I was like, I'm just hungover
from last night. And when I got down, I tested
again and I tested positive. And I already had
my tour bus come and grab Georgia and Leanne
and drive them back to LA. So it's me and Isla.
Isla was like I only got it because I stayed
up late one night drinking and playing pool till
like five o 'clock in the morning with my friend
John showman I remember you tell I remember you
tell me that you like it's more you said you
were more run -down. That's why you got it I
was exhausted because my friend John he John
showman shout to John He's a he makes pool cues
like awesome pool cues He lives in Florida and
I you know talked to them back and forth online
But I never hung out with him and then I made
a appointment to meet him in a pool hall And
we met at this pool hall And we played pool till
like five o 'clock in the morning laughing having
a good time and then I got back to the hotel.
I was like, really tired. I was like, boy, I
fucked up. I went so hard. We were out. And I
had a bunch of margaritas. And it was late. It
was late at night. And then in the morning, I
just felt like shit. I took a hot bath. I felt
like shit. I had a gig that night. I did a gig
that night. I did an arena with Tony Hinchcliffe
and Laura Bytes. We did an arena in Florida.
And then I flew back home. And on the way home,
I was cold. I was like, god, why am I so cold?
Is this airplane cold? And then when I got home,
I told my wife. I'm like, I'm not. I'm not feeling
good. I go, I might have COVID. Maybe you should
sleep in another room. Cause she had gotten COVID
and gotten over it. Which by the way, when she
had it, I fucked her. I didn't even think about
it. I was like, I'm trying to get it. I never
got it. My whole family got it. But like, I'm
always been the one who's like, always cold plunging,
always sauna, always vitamins, always working
out. She works out too, but it's like, she got
it. you know, and my kids got it. And I was home,
I hugged them like, daddy, you're gonna get him.
Like, I'm not kidding, shit. I never got it.
I had two days when I worked out where I didn't
feel that good. So when I worked out, I just
took it light. I just went through the routine,
like nice and easy, not pushing myself. And then
the next day, still don't feel that good. Nice
and easy. And then the third day, I'm like, I
feel pretty fucking good. And I went pretty hard.
I'm like, feel great. And it was done. I never
got COVID. And then that one time I got it. And
then... I didn't get it that bad. The one day
I felt like shit. I got all the meds and then,
you know, a couple days later I made that video
and I put that video up. But that was honest.
I was like, I got COVID. I got all this medicine.
I feel better now. They didn't like the idea
that this healthy person was saying you could
get over this. And also a healthy person that's
in their 50s was saying you can get over this
and you don't need this radical experimental
medicine that they're trying to push on people.
And so that's just another example of the mainstream
media that's not there for the news. Because
if they really were there to inform people, they
would say, well, what did he do? What's different
about him? Because they're fucking compromised.
They're all compromised by the people that pay
their advertising budget. The amount of money
that pharmaceutical drug companies spend on mainstream
media is fucking preposterous. And they don't
do it because they're trying to convince people
to sell drugs. They do it specifically because
they don't want those media organizations to
criticize. any vaccines or any pharmaceutical
drugs. You never hear them talking about, there's
no mainstream big media stories about side effects
of some sort of new medication. And if there
is, it's because that company's probably about
to go under and a new company is asking them
to talk about it. It makes me, I mean, I've always
said and people think I'm a fucking idiot, but
I don't trust sleep apnea machines. Well, sleep
apnea machines work. I know, but. I think they
overdiagnosed sleep apnea machines because there's
a kickback. There's gotta be a kickback. Well,
there probably is. There's a, you know, look,
sleep apnea is a real thing and it's really fucking
dangerous. But is it, is it as, I mean... People
die. Everyone's got it. Well, not everyone has
a lot of people snore but there's ways around
there's mouthpieces You can use to keep your
tongue from closing your windpipe, you know what
I do I put a mouthpiece I put a mouthpiece in
and then I use mouth tape I've been using mouth
tape, you know, like you know, you know a hostage
tape. Yeah. Yeah, I use that stuff I put it over
my mouth and I sleep and I breathe through my
nose And I feel so much better when I wake up.
I mean, significantly better with less sleep.
Like, if I have five -hour sleep with hostage
shape, I feel better than if I have eight -hour
sleep without it. Really? 100%. See, I feel different.
I don't know why. I'm sure... Okay, let's find
out. What is the science behind breathing through
your nose while you sleep? Why is it better?
What is the science behind it? I don't know what
the science is, but I know that a bunch of health
experts, they recommended it to me. I was like,
tape my mouth shut? That sounds so stupid. I
did it, and then the first night I did it, I
woke up and I'm like, whoa, I feel great. Like
I feel significantly better. And now I do it
every night. So I put a mouthpiece in and then
I put the hostage tape over my mouth. So the
mouthpiece just holds your tongue in place? Exactly,
because I have a big tongue. I have a big tongue
and I have a big neck. The problem is, when you
have big neck muscles, like football players,
a lot of them, most of them have sleep apnea.
Because all those muscles constrict the walls
of your throat. So there's all this tissue that
didn't exist before. And then you have this fat
tongue. So I can't sleep on my back. My sleep
on my back is like... That's me. Yeah. Okay,
breathing through the nose during sleep offers
key health advantages over mouth breathing. It
filters and conditions air for better lung efficiency
and promotes deeper rest. Nasal passages filter
dust, allergens, and pollutants while warming
and humidifying air, protecting the airwaves
from irritation. This reduces dryness in the
mouth and throat, common with mouth breathing.
I got that. I wake up, my mouth's so dry, my
tongue's like a finger. Reduce snoring and sleep
apnea risk. Nose breathing keeps the tongue positioned
correctly against the palate and jaw forward.
Maintaining an open airway that minimizes snoring
and sleep apnea episodes. Mouth breathing allows
the tongue to fall back, obstructing airflow,
which definitely happens to me. Improved oxidization...
Jesus. Ox... oxygenation and relaxation. It boosts
nitric oxide production for better oxygen uptake
and blood flow, supporting deeper sleep cycles
and parasympathetic nervous system activation
for relaxation. This leads to fewer awakenings
and higher sleep quality. Look, for me, I know
for a fact it helps, for a fact. From my personal
feeling when I wake up in the morning and I take
my mouth shut I feel way better really Yeah,
like way better. I snore like crazy, but I don't
I don't notice it The only problem is you have
a beard so the tape like will slip off with a
beard You know, maybe I'll just get denture cream
and put it on my lips You ever do that? I used
to do that people when they were sleeping squeeze
your lips together without how do you open them
then? Oh, you can't know when people would pass
out How do you house we put denture cream on
their lips? Oh, and then they wake up like I'm
still kind of stuck. I'm still stuck on this
concept that With corporate money we lose Not
as much freedom of speech or freedom of opinion.
Well, you lose Objective reality from people
that are supposed to be giving you information,
right? So they're not giving you reality what
they're giving you is a filtered narrative that
has been promoted by major corporations that
have a vested interest in Profiting off of this
narrative being pushed forward. Like if you don't
get the vaccine, you're gonna die Right? Yeah.
That was a big one. And that was why they attacked
me. Why they attacked me is because, like, I
showed that there's something different. Like,
oh, look at this healthy guy who's in his 50s
that's really obsessed with health, works out
every day. And look how quick he got over COVID.
This isn't this thing that we're pretending it
is. We're pretending it's a plague. And it's
not. It's like a bad flu. And again, for me,
it was like, and look, I've done this. Like I
said, I did it for a lot of people, but just
IV vitamins. I've sent people to be I did it
for Bill Burr. Bill Burr was here and he was
sick and he was coughing. And this is like. long
after the pandemic. It's like 2024. And he was
doing a show and I came to visit him. He's like,
I can't get over this cold. I go, listen to me.
I go, I'm going to give you this number. I'm
going to give these people. You're going to get
a hold of them and schedule an IV mega dose vitamin
trip. You want high doses of vitamin B. You want
high dose doses of D. You want high doses of
C and zinc. You want all those things together.
And I guarantee you, you're going to be fine.
So he was sick for weeks. He couldn't get over
this fucking cough. He calls me. Like, a day
later, he goes, dude, I can't fucking believe
how good I feel. He goes, Dr. Joe Rogan, I'm
calling you every time I have a problem with
this again. And look, I did the same thing for
Dana White. When Dana White had COVID, he threw
some eucalyptus on the rocks in his sauna, and
he couldn't smell it. And he goes, oh my god,
I got COVID. He goes, the first thing I did is
call Joe Rogan. He called me up, and I said,
I'll set you up. We're going to get you monoclonal
antibodies. We're going to get you this. We're
going to get you that. Boom. One day later, he's
better. That's the reality. It's like your body
needs tools to let your immune system function
at its optimum. And one of the best tools is
nutrients. Vitamin D is amazing for your immune
system. And it's not just a vitamin, it's a hormone.
And it's a hormone that we don't get because
we're not in the sun enough. The best way to
get vitamin D is sunlight. The second best way
is supplementation. And it's really easy. He
just takes vitamin D supplements. I take it with
K2, which makes it absorb better. And I take
it also, again, with magnesium. And do that.
And I also took zinc with, what is this called?
It's an ionophore, quercetin. So I take zinc
with quercetin, quercetin aids in the zinc absorption
in your body. I take all these different things.
But also I'm like, I'm on the ball. I know what
I'm doing. But they didn't say that. They said
he's taking horse dewormer because they were
trying to shame me. And they were trying to make
it look like I was a fool. And they were trying
to turn all these people that were terrified
about dying from this plague against me. Is that
what's happening? I mean, I'm a little obsessed
lately. the money behind podcasting and podcasting
kind of changing. Like podcasting has gotten
a little more corporate, where I feel, I don't
know if you see it. In what way? Well it's like,
I mean I looked at the Golden Globes and who
was nominated and those were all, I mean I think
they're all corporate podcasts. Yeah, let me
help with that. So here's the thing, a lot of
people say, why wasn't Joe Rogan nominated for
the Golden Globes? And like, why did Amy Poehler
win? Didn't submit So they asked me to submit
to be nominated for the Golden Globes and you
had to pay $500 and the $500 is like for paperwork
or whatever I said No, I don't care. I already
won like you can't tell me I didn't win I've
been number one for six years in a row all the
sudden You're gonna have a contest in front of
all these people wearing tuxedos and you're gonna
say now I'm not number one like fuck off Yeah,
you can't like I don't care that I'm number one,
but I am in fact number one So if all of a sudden
you have a contest to decide who's really number
one. Yeah us Like that's amongst you. You're
allowed to have your opinion. You like Amy Poe
or better than me. That's great Oh, that's so
fucking funny Joe. Do you know how many people
have been? Like ride or die for you like the
fact that Joe Rogan didn't win the fact that
and I've heard that so much It's so funny. You
just didn't submit Yeah, they asked me to. Yeah,
I was like one of like six candidates. They took
the top people. They basically just took the
top people the charts, but which you know, it's
fine. First of all, Amy Poehler's podcast is
pretty good. I haven't seen it. It's pretty good.
I'm sure it's good. It won. I'm sure someone
must love it. It's really good. If it sucked,
they would give it to someone else, right? Dax
is really good. There's some great podcasts out
there. I don't know who was even nominated. I
don't even know who was in. I just know that
Amy Poehler won and a lot of people are upset.
She's had a podcast for six months and she won?
Great you gave it to a famous person which you
know in that world. That's what they do They
give it to a person that like is gonna look you
give it to Amy Poehler amongst their circles
It's not gonna have any criticism. There's a
lot of really good fucking podcast There's some
great ones know if amongst her group if I listen
to all of them I would decide that hers is number
one, but I just know that I didn't submit I don't
want to be a part of that. I don't care. You're
just a group of people that just decide all the
sudden that you're going to give an award out.
You got to get a trophy. Fuck off, dude. This
OK, like so when we did the show and everyone's
like, are you looking for a season two? And obviously
that'd be great. But you know what I said to
Leanne? The day after it came out. I said, I
think I already won I think I like I got everything
I wanted I did something I'm proud of and and
people responding to it people like the texts
I get are people that will never Promote on their
side white loves it Ron loved it when Ron came
in last night and The first thing he said to
me was I watched your show. I watched every fucking
episode. Yeah, he binged it He binged it with
his girlfriend I was like, Joe, you know how
I feel about Ron. I'll get emotional. He's like
my guy. And Ron's not a bullshit artist. He's
not. If Ron loved it, he loved it. And he came
in and he was ranting and raving about it. That's
all you need. Just do your best. All these awards
and all this shit, awards for art are crazy.
It's insane because it's not, it shouldn't be
a competition. Well, it's also so subjective.
There is music that like my daughter loves. It
is her favorite music, but she's a 15 year old
girl. I can't say it sucks, because it doesn't
suck. It's just not for me. You know what I mean?
It's like, that's why awards for art are crazy.
Like, this is the best. Like, to who? To a group
of fucking people that we deem the gatekeepers
of all that's appropriate? So when did you come?
Because, you know, I'm always fascinated by you.
Did you care about ratings when you were on news
radio? Oh, no. Well, the news radio thing was
hilarious. Because that's one that I can say,
for people that haven't watched it, I would say,
binge that show. It was such an amazing piece
of art, we would say, but always. Respectfully
always in the losing category like never always
always in the losing category my friend Lou He
was one of the writers on a news radio and he
would show up for the table read With a t -shirt
that had the number of our rating on it and one
day showed up and the number was 88 and I was
like 88 he's like I was like because we got moved
nine times the course of five years Like I remember
like one of the things that just like social
media poisons people back then it was Variety
and the Hollywood Reporter So all of the cast
would be sitting around reading variety about
how good sex in the city was doing in the single
guy And you know because they would they would
sandwich them in between friends and Seinfeld
and you know Paul Sims the producer of Newsradio
would call it a shit sandwich Because you would
have these two really good shows in between these
shows that were not that good. They would call
it Caroline and the Shitty and like everybody
was upset and so they would read these these
things in variety they'd look at the ratings
and they'd get all upset and start getting pissed
off and that show sucks why is that show doing
so well why aren't we on Thursday night and I
remember saying oh last time I checked I'm on
TV I go, do you know we're on a TV show? Do you
know how few people get to be on a sitcom? I
go, yeah, we're not number one. Well, good. Then
no one knows who we are and we get to be on TV.
And we get to have fun. And some people enjoy
it. We're making so much money. Like, how can
you be upset? We could not be on TV. Like, yeah,
we're not number one. Yeah, we have a really
good show that's not being recognized. It eventually
was recognized when it went to syndication. So
news radio really only got popular in syndication.
Oh, when it was on A &E? Buddy? I don't think
I've ever enjoyed a TV show out of every TV show
I've ever watched and I was late to friends Look,
it was it was no Game of Thrones, but or even
Queen of Dragons, whatever the fuck the other
one House of Dragons Yeah, that's a pretty good
show too. But when I discovered news radio I
was like you guys had every Character like it
was not just one character. It was five different
Are we back? We're back, okay. We've been having
this problem where we crash like a couple hours
into a podcast. But it was such, it was five
personalities, six personalities, all working
in union at different speeds. It was really good
writing. It was such a fucking great show. Well,
Paul Sims came from the Larry Sanders show, so
he was really good. And it was just a brilliant
guy. And the writers were amazing. And the cast
was amazing. But it was the perfect scenario.
So we went through it without everyone getting
famous. We put together a great show. And then
we fucking sailed off into the sunset. It was
perfect for me. Because I never wanted to do
it again once it was over. For real? Yeah. I
mean, I took a few development deals afterwards
just because I wanted the money. And I thought,
maybe I'll make my own show and it'll be good.
But ugh, working with these writers and like
so many of these writing teams. Was really interesting
writing teams are generally one brilliant guy
and then the other guy who writes things down
And then they both get deals and then I you would
wind up with the guy who wrote things down So
I got one of these writers who was a writing
team on Seinfeld and the team broke up And then
I got this guy and he wrote this fucking script.
It was so bad. It was so bad I couldn't believe
how bad it was I was like and then they were
trying to pretend they're excited about I go
did you read it? This is fucking terrible because
the problem was I'd come from news radio, which
is a really good show and most of these shows
are terrible and Most of the guys that I knew
that were doing terrible sitcoms were living
in hell Because they were doing these like corny
acid and all they wanted to do is like figure
out a way to make themselves feel better They
spend money or they party and that's what they
were doing They were all just partying and spending
money and not enjoying their work. Their work
was terrible. It was hell so Kind of realized
early on that this trap of like chasing the number
one ratings and all that shit It was just stupid.
It was just nonsense and then you know fear factor
was number one for a while I think I think it
was it was hugely popular. Whatever it was and
that was weird, too It's like well, that's that's
also strange. That was about it Everybody it
was just like this thing that was everywhere.
It was very strange This is how you can tell
a biggest show is tell me if I'm wrong. I can
remember what night it aired on Monday nights
Fear factor was it Monday nights. I don't remember.
I think it was Monday. I don't remember I remember
the Fresh Prince of Bel Air was Monday night
I Remember Seinfeld was Thursdays, right? Yeah,
that's the thing about about TV now, which is
so bizarre is like When when I pitch this show
it have you seen slow horses? Yes, I love it.
I love it. So when I went to Netflix, they were
like, we want to do a show with you. I was like,
great. And they're like, what's the show? I said,
it's my family. It's I'm Bert Kreischer, Georgia
Naila, Leanne. I'm a comedian. I'm me. Everything's
the same. Nothing changes. I don't have a job.
I'm this guy. And they're like, OK. I go, but
it's Meet Slow Horses. And they're like, what
the fuck are you talking about? I said, All I
can tell you is, I don't want to do episodic.
I want Slow Horses. I said, when I watched Slow
Horses, and this is why Ron's compliment was
so kind, because I created the show so that me,
Jared, and Andy, I shouldn't exclude them. Explain
Slow Horses. Slow Horses is Gary Oldman. It is
a spy thriller. They're a group of of like low
-grade spies that all kind of got put into an
office off to the side and but they don't realize
how important their office still is they're still
very Engrained in all the shit that the big office
is doing but they're the B team And so the big
office is constantly fucking with the little
office So how is your show like slow horse the
day? I watch so I'd watch the horses the week
before I went in for this meeting and I watched
the The first episode of slow horses and at the
very end of that first episode I hit pause I
looked at Leanne I said we're watching every
fucking episode until it's over right now. We're
not moving We're gonna watch all of them and
I did that with that and black doves and I said
to Netflix I said I want to make this where that
first episode is not episodic the Chrysler's
get a horse the Chrysler's get a dog it all goes
together I go the first episode at that last
line I say the very last line of that first episode
I want you to look at the person you're with
and go I'm watching all fucking six And and so
it's an arc. It's a six story arc. It's basically
a two hour and 30 minute movie that you can stop
at any point and And the compliment I've been
getting is the one Ron gave me is like I binged
it. I watched all of it That's great. That's
a smart move for a comedy to do it like that.
Like it's one big story Yeah, that last bad that
I doves is great to black doves great black doves
black doves when we when we did the premiere
and in LA Netflix came up to me and shout out
to Netflix and they were like, you know when
you pitch this we had no idea what you were fucking
selling us like when you said black doves and
and Slow horses like that those are your comps
and then they were like we watched that first
episode and they're like you fucking did it like
you made a show where at that very end of that
first episode at that moment And the very beginning
of the second episode, I have a joke about you,
but I thought I'd throw one in. You gave me a
little love in your special. I'd give you a little
love back. And so at the very end of that first
episode, I wanted it so that you go, oh, this
guy's fucked. I gotta see how he gets out of
this. And that's the compliment I've been getting
from people is that they watched all of them.
They binged it. And that's like, I was like,
because you know, you try to do something a little
different. And that's why when you said that,
You didn't submit. I fucking connected so hard.
So I was like, I didn't I don't need it to be.
It's not going to be the number one show on Netflix.
It's never going to be the greatest show they
ever made. There's too many good shows. But the
fact that people have liked it, I go, I think
I won. I think I got the thing I wanted. Yeah,
it was just like I got it. I got a text. I got
a text. I don't want to share this. And I apologize,
Luke, if this sounds weird. Luke Colmes texted
me last night. Now, he's not like a, he's not
a social media guy. He just texted me. He's like,
dude, I just watched your entire show. Luke Colmes.
And I'm like, he's cool as fuck. He's cool. I've
hung out with that dude a few times. As fuck.
And he's understated. He's the guy. He's fascinating
to me because he's the guy. We just did a podcast.
He's the guy that, he goes into the room and
he's not going to talk to anyone because he doesn't
want to bother you. He's one of the biggest stars
in country music He's one of the most talented
guys humble and he's very humble and he's like
I did the CMAs and I saw him and he just He stays
to himself. He doesn't and I was like wow that
what a slick dude and he's like No, I'm not trying
to be slick. I just don't want to bother anybody
Yeah, and so when Luke Holmes texted me last
night, I fucking I texted Leanne I was like,
can you believe like that's not the guy you think
right? It's a real compliment. Yeah, I'm like
a cheesy ass kisser. It's a real dude. He really
you know He's not lying right like really liked
it the first person to text was Chris DiStefano,
and that's a real one He's like dude. You're
you're a good actor. This is a great series as
the very first text I got and I was like comics
don't have to text They don't we don't like like
I'll text the shame when I saw tires. It's fucking
It was game changer. I was like this is fucking
incredible whatever but When a comic texts you're
like that's okay, like I didn't I didn't expect
you to watch it But Luke Holmes fucking floored
me Luke Holmes and Bradley Cooper was another
one. That's awesome Just do something that you
enjoy and do your best at it this idea of awards.
Yeah, like fuck off Fuck off with your awards
like that It's like there's so many moments in
history have been defined by these like goofy
ass awards Yeah, like what what is that? The
only thing is good is it like if something wins
an Academy Award for best movie I go oh, maybe
I'll see it like occasionally But you know what's
better than that one of my friends saying it's
great Do you know and or someone posting on social
media like oh this fuck someone that I respect
on social media? Posting it and saying hey you
need to watch this is amazing great. Do you ever
see the movie American movie? What is that? It's
about the two guys in Wisconsin trying to make
a horror film called coven I think I did a long
time ago long time ago documentary and there
one guy's done way too much acid Yeah, and it's
just it's like one of those movies where someone
says to you yet You have to see this and it's
never gonna win an award probably made no money
But it is the most fascinating. Okay, Jamie.
Can you pull the trailer up for that? If you
if you see this you'll go I've saw it. Okay,
it's the American movie Mike Oh, what was the
other guys? Oh, this is so good Joe Imagine a
world where passion and perseverance outweigh
polish and dreams are both the driving force
and the destination What if I told you this world
exists not in some far -flung fantasy, but here
in the heartland of America This world is seen
through the lens of an unsung documentary where
we meet Mark Beauchard. This is the trailer maker
from Wisconsin Joe this movie Is is so good,
but it's one of those things that it's like when
you find something that you just fall in love
with like Yeah, like that that you can't explain
to someone like Vernon, Florida. Have you ever
seen Vernon, Florida? No, it's a documentary
about verner Herzog about it was trying to him
and another guy another guy did it He was trying
to do a documentary called nub city, right? It's
about this place in Florida where a lot of people
had lost limbs and were collecting insurance
money And he went in to do a documentary about
that and he got his life threatened, but he had
all this footage So I think Werner Herzog came
in and dumped a little money in it and he just
made the bizarrest documentary about a guy talking
about turkey hunting and another guy talking
about like it's like four different personalities
Joe. It's on YouTube you can find it. Werner
Herzog does some amazing shit. Amazing shit.
This thing Joe is like something you start watching
and you go like I can't turn it off. I mean he
did Grizzly Man. He did fucking, what is that
other one? The one about the cave paintings in
France. He did - This was made by Errol Morris.
Errol Morris. Errol Morris. Oh, it wasn't Werner
Herzog? No, no, he - Errol - He's trying to highlight
on there. It says it's an Errol Morris film.
Oh, so it's not Werner Herzog. No, Werner Herzog
backed it. He was on the page for it. Oh, I see,
I see, I see. He produced it. He was also, Werner
Herzog was a part of that movie Happy People.
You ever see that? No, it's not. Oh my god, it's
about these people that live in Siberia. These
guys that live in a small village in Siberia,
and they're just fishermen and trappers and hunters,
and they basically just live off the land, and
they're so happy. There's like no mental illness.
Everybody works really hard. It's freezing cold
at night. They're always drinking, and everyone's
happy. And it's called Happy People, Life in
the Taiga. It's a great documentary. Because
it just shows you that without struggle, you
will create struggle. And when you have struggle
all the time, like physical struggle, people
seem to be satisfied and happy. Especially when
they're living off the land, living like a subsistence
lifestyle. They're out in the forest. They're
catching fish. And it's a great documentary.
It's really interesting. Did you feel it? Because
I remember we went to a birthday party at your
house and your wife introduced my girls and Leanda
chickens. Mm -hmm and Leanne and the girls immediately
got chickens chickens are awesome The happiest
my family was out of all the times we've been
happy was when they were they had a garden They
were raising chickens. Yeah, it's good for you
man And then that that like extra like did you
guys clean out the chicken coop? You need to
clean like that little yeah work. Yeah works
good for you Yeah, especially work that pays
off like you actually get eggs and you have to
eat those eggs those eggs And that's like the
most karma free food that you'll ever get because
they're your pets Like you treat them. Well,
you feed them. You're like, hey girls. I see
them. I talk to them I lift rocks for them. So
they go under the rocks and pick out bugs and
worms and shit and they come near you they like
Waddle over to you when they and you like get
you ready You're ready and pick up the rock and
they immediately go in there and try to get the
worms and bugs and shit And then you get these
delicious healthy eggs best eggs I've ever had
my entire life yellow. Mm -hmm yellow double
I remember get orange. Yeah, remember double
yolks. Mm -hmm But you're you know exactly how
they're raised there's no cruelty involved You
know how they're fed they lay an egg every day
that egg is never gonna become a chicken You
never like that's what I tell to all my friends
that are like vegetarians that are doing it for
like they're just kind people they don't want
an animal to die I'm like you don't have to kill
an animal just eat eggs eggs have all the nutrients
you need eat the yolk eat the whole thing and
you're you'll be super healthy. Like you can
get all the animal protein you need from eggs
and you don't ever have to worry about an animal
dying. So wait, do you think then when you talk
about, what was that happy city is it called?
Happy people. Happy people. Do you think your
connection then to crushing it in the gym and
killing it in the gym is directly connected to
that struggle? Like the happiest I ever am is
the second my workouts done and I lay back and
I just sweat. Yeah, you did it. Yeah, you did
it. Your body needs, I think, In order for your
body to survive, like when we were hunter -gatherers,
you had to do a bunch of work. So I think there's
human reward systems that are built in us, that
if you don't meet those requirements, your body
gets anxious. And the most anxiety -ridden, fucked
up, mentally ill people I know are these lazy
slobs that are online all day complaining about
people. Especially comics. I know so many comics
that they spend... a giant chunk of their day
shitting on other comics, and they're all fat
and lazy. And what is that? Well, it's because
they're not healthy. They're not mentally healthy,
physically healthy, and so they're completely
obsessed with other things, external things.
You know, when we did that Sober October challenge,
Tommy said it best, because he was like, dude,
when you work out, when we're all competing against
each other to see who get the highest fitness
scores, Tommy said at best like when you work
out all day kills all that internal chatter You
don't worry about things anymore. All that, what
about this? What about that? What about this?
What about that shit? Is your mind thinking there's
threats out there in the world because there
used to be. Because you're programmed to think
about what's out there? What's coming for me?
Is there a neighboring tribe that's coming over
the top of the hill? Where am I going to get
my food? All that stuff's built in as a human
reward system. If you don't meet that human reward
system, you're just doom -scrolling on TikTok
and Twitter all day and shitting on People are
like, fuck Whitney Cummings and Miss Rachel.
They're just mentally ill slobs, all of them.
And their opinion should be dismissed. That's
why the idea of awards is so ridiculous. Who
are these people that are giving you awards?
They're all unhealthy people for the most part.
They're all weirdos that are caught up in this
fucking bizarre, strange industry that rewards
groupthink. Like, fuck off. That's probably the
the probably the happiest my mind was when we
had the the year we had the straps Remember we
had. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we remember that Kansas
City workout club Yeah, we had to be kind of
yeah the my zone the mice my fitness straps Yeah,
and I remember I mean I you know like you have
memories in your head where you like you drive
by a place and you go I remember that and it
was one night. I Said I was I was gonna run a
marathon and you're like I'll match it Remember
we were all texting and I remember getting up
it like it was like put the girls to bed It's
nine o 'clock at night and I go I'm gonna run
until midnight And I had just this one fucking
mile loop and I ran eight miles that night and
I just kept running and I cannot run Down fucking
Colfax. I can't drive down Colfax without thinking
of me just going one more lap. Just one more
lap Yeah, those were those were fucking Wearing
yourself out. It's good for your brain, man.
It really good for I don't think we should do
that again because the problem with that is that
lit up that weird part of my brain that Obsessive
part of my brain and my wife asked me never to
do that again. It's like Because I was like super
serious. I got like really into it and It just
became an obsession. Yeah, it just it's a it's
a dangerous part of my own brain that I can't
entertain too much Because I think that's the
part of my brain that was formulated in my competition
days, where it was like, my thought was, you
know, like I would go to the, because I had keys
to the school, so I'd go and train at two o 'clock
in the morning, because I knew nobody else was.
I knew everybody else was asleep, so I'd go there.
I'd drive there by myself and unlock the doors
and start training at two o 'clock in the morning,
because I knew everybody was asleep. That made
me feel better, like, bitch, while you're sleeping,
I'm in here. You know, where did you put that
competitiveness because I I shelved my competitiveness.
I don't have it in comedy I have a competitiveness
with the industry that I felt ignored me at times
like I have I want to prove things Like I did
fully loaded because I never got on oddball And
so I created that festival. I remember I was
with we were at the Forest Hills Arena or whatever
the outdoor Stadium someone's like wow, this
is crazy. Can you believe you did this and I
went yeah And they're like, what made you want
to do this? I go, cause no one would ever invite
me. And then they were like, wow, that was more
of an answer than we expected. But like, and
so there's a competitiveness with me internally,
but I was very competitive as an athlete, like
unhealthy and it was gross. How was it gross
like what sports anything anything I did I think
that's Michael Jordan right when you're talking
about Michael Jordan He was the most held Michael
Jordan and Kelly Slater the two ones Tiger Woods
that I hear about and I identify with the way
Their brain works where I go. Well, I have that
grossness where I create scenarios in my head
to go. That's it I'm gonna fucking I'd build
up a rivalry with I have a guy that I think about
to this day who played baseball at Tampa Catholic
His name was Israel and I had a competitive name.
I don't even know who the fuck I am. He never
knew me He was a pitcher and I fucking and I
and I apologize Israel if you're hearing this
right now We were 16 and I had a competitiveness
in my head and my goal was to hit him to hit
a line Drive right back in and he was a pitcher
and he threw inside And I crushed one off his
kneecap and they pulled him out of the game and
I stood on first base And I was like that's how
it goes Israel's 53 years old So competitive
and so I and I and when I got into stand -up,
I maybe because I just I Saw that so many people
were so far beyond me that I was like why I'm
not playing their game I guess so I'm not I never
had a competitiveness in stand -up. Well, you
can't but you can listen you could There's a
good place for competitiveness. I mean I'm competitive
no doubt, but I don't think about it in terms
of like art Yeah, I think my competition with
either stand -up or with podcasting is to be
the best I can be, to do the best job I can.
Like if I have a guy on and he wants to talk
about some science stuff or something esoteric,
I have to read his book or listen to the audio
book. I have to read articles. I have to do my
best. This guy's going to fly in here from Europe
or whatever it is. I have to be ready and I have
to be intrigued. And the only reason why I have
on the podcast in the first place is because
I'm interested in it. My thing is just do the
best that I can. And the way that I could do
it the best I can is only talk to people that
I want to talk to. Only reach out to people that
I'm actually interested in. Only accept invitations
from someone that ignites my curiosity. And just
only do it that way. Never say, oh, this person
would be great because they're famous. Like,
this is one of the things you see about some
of these podcasts that are doing well. all of
their guests are famous, right? Which is like
a built -in cheat code. Like, let's see what
this guy, and I have famous people on all the
time. If I think they're interesting, if I want
to talk to them. But I pass on a lot of famous
people, because I'm not interested in them. Or
because they were like really heavily pushing
the vaccine during the pandemic. I'm like, fuck
you forever. Fuck you. There's a few people that
have tried to get on. I'm like, no, I would have,
before the pandemic, I would have been happy
to have you on. But now I'm like, fuck you forever.
Who knows how many people you caused to have
heart attacks? Who knows how many people you
tricked into getting that and they had a stroke?
Who knows? Who knows? And they didn't need it,
especially the people that already got COVID.
You didn't know what you were talking about,
and you just bootlicked. You bootlicked for the
fucking, for the man. Like, fuck you. That's
it. But other than that, everybody else, it's
like, who is it? What do they want to talk about?
So I just do my best. You know, I'm competitive
when it comes to playing pool, but really the
pool you're playing against yourself. You're
playing another person and the other person is,
but when you're playing, nobody can block you.
Nobody gets in front of you. You're just trying
to do your best. So it's all against you. All
the competition is against you, which is why
I like to work out by myself. I'm playing against
me. You know, it's me. It's like it's whatever
my inside little inner bitches. I'm trying to
squash that motherfucker down beat his ass again,
and then he's back again tomorrow. Every time
I lift the fucking lid on that cold punch, my
inner bitch is like, don't do it. You don't have
to do this. You could not do it, and we'll be
fine. The other day it was 22 degrees outside,
and I had to break the ice off of the top of
the thing, because it was covered in ice. I had
to break the ice off, because I could barely
lift the lid off the fucking thing. So I had
to knock off all the ice, and then pick it up
and climb on in. I'm like. Fuck you. And this
is like, it's fuck you to the inner bitch. Dude,
it's like when you said, like I remember doing
an interview with a guy and he was getting eye
gaze. I got a Netflix special coming out. I'm
going to go out on the road for the next couple
of weeks. And I was like, couple of weeks. Couple
of weeks. Couple of weeks. I'm gone. I'm not
home for one month. One month out, I'm in my
bus every night doing stand up, but 18 months
out. I'm like, obsessive. I'm not shooting my
next one until 2027, and I'm obsessive today.
Last night, I was like, I tried all my new shit.
I was like, I gotta find out if real people laugh
at this. I think my fans are willing to give
me an inch, you know? Well, they also know you,
they know your story, they know all the references,
yeah. But what's crazy to me is we were, me and
you, not... I can't speak for the younger comics,
but we were in a time at standup when competitiveness
was the norm. It was because of TV though, dude.
That was what it was. It was like everybody thought
they were competing for a very small amount of
slots. And then what happened was the internet
came along and we realized that no, In fact,
we're actually an asset to each other because
we do each other's podcasts. We hang out with
each other, which makes each other better. When
we're all on a show together and you're killing
and Tom's killing and Ari's killing, the more
people are killing, the more we're going to do
better because we're going to get excited about
it and we'll be inspired. And so we became valuable
to each other instead of competitive against
each other. And if there was any competition
that you were having with your friends, it was
actually healthy competition because it just
made you try harder. Like if you saw if Ari went
up and did like when Ari did his Jew special
which is fucking incredible. That special was
so good, it made so many people get inspired
to work on a theme and write and really try to
develop something. Look at what he did. He put
together this fucking incredible special. It
was really fucking good. And that kind of competition
is healthy competition. It's inspirational. Instead
of saying, I hope that guy gets hit by a bus,
fuck him. All these slobs that are on Twitter
and that are talking shit about comedians and
are angry about comedians, they have one thing
in common. They're almost all failures. They're
either failures or they're extremely mediocre.
They're in the middle of mediocrity. No one's
got them as their favorite comedian. No one's
got them as their favorite podcaster. No one's
got them as anything. They just don't do that
well. So what do they do? They're attacking people.
So their competitiveness is a very unhealthy
competitiveness. If their competitiveness was
healthy, they would say, well, what is it about
this person where she's getting all these comedy
specials and she's in front of all these roasts,
why is Nikki Glaser doing so well and I'm not?
Instead of hating on Nikki Glaser. You know,
but that's not what like a narcissist does. What
about me? How come I'm not getting that? She
doesn't talk about sucking cock. That fucking
bitch. And then they get all fucking angry and
they start talking shit about her. Meanwhile,
she still kills it. She's still on the road.
She's still selling out. She's still getting
out there. Everybody screams and cheers. Why?
Because she put in the work and if you put in
the work and if you looked at yourself and you
objectively analyzed what you're doing and said
why is this going well why is this not going
well and worked harder you would be where she
is but you're not so what are you doing you're
on Twitter every day for 12 hours like a fucking
mental patient Just shitting on people and getting
in arguments and saying mean things like you're
gonna just it's crabs in a bucket You're just
trying to pull people down that are doing better
than you. Where are you going? Get back down
here. That's all it is. Yeah, it's unhealthy
That's why you can't read that stuff because
you're you're you absorb the atmosphere of the
people that you surround yourself with Like it
or not when you were interacting with people
on social media you are surrounding yourself
with their thoughts Yeah, you know and they're
unhealthy people that you would never hang out
with in real life And if you did if you said
well, why do you think that way and then they
would say something like that doesn't make any
sense This is why that's that doesn't make any
sense And then they would run away and go talk
shit about you on social media because they're
cowards. Yeah, so you can't live in a world of
cowards and mental ill people, you can't, it's
not good for you. When I started hanging out
with the group I'm around now, right? I want
to say it was you, you were saying, surround
yourself with good people. And I remember reading
a quote that week, and I've butchered it. But
I said, if you hang out with enough great white
sharks, people think you're a great white shark.
Like all they see is the fin. Right and it's
like if I hang out with the best fucking comics
in the world If I surround myself with the best
comics in the world, I'm gonna have to get better
Yes, like I'm gonna get better and I remember
I can tell you like the first time I saw your
Kim or your your Caitlyn Jenner joke of the of
the gargoyles the demon Yeah, and you're on the
stool and you got the stool in the gargoyle I
remember watching that crying laughing going.
I'm not using the stage at all Like I'm not using
the stage like god damn it or I remember burr
doing an act out And I never expected Bird to
do an act out. He was talking to an immigrant
kid he hired that lived in the bushes or that
he adopted. He goes, someone says not going to
live in the house. We're going to keep in the
bushes. He said, come on, man. There's a reason
you have bushes. But he was doing an act out.
And I remember going like, god damn it, man.
I don't ever do act outs. I think I always surround
myself around better comics to see what the meal
was being made and go like, well, shit. I'm just
making French fries. You can turn that into a
baked potato. Well, we don't exist in a vacuum.
This is one of the things that I always say about
comics. You never find the best comic in the
country or one of the best comics in the country
by themselves in Birmingham, Alabama. No. It
doesn't exist. They're always in either New York,
LA, Austin. There's a few other places where
you find out about someone really good. And they're
always around other people that are really good.
Because comedy is one of those things where you
really only experience it live. Like when you
see someone doing a special, specials are great.
But a special is like 60 % of the real show.
If you're there in the audience, you get 100
% of the real show. You get hypnotized by the
show. You get caught up in it. It's got it together.
It's like really well pieced and timed and edited.
It's so much fun. But you got to be there. And
when you're at a club and you see Gillis and
Ron White and we had the mothership, you have
all these great comics. Like, man, the atmosphere
is just uplifting. Everybody's inspired and exciting.
And for people that are listening, like, yeah,
that's great for you guys. Be fucking famous
comedians. You could do this with your friends.
Whatever you're doing. I don't care what you're
doing. Whatever you're doing. If you guys are
all pickleball players, just work hard to be
the best fucking pickleball player. Hang out
with other pickleball players. Talk about pickleball.
Get involved in it. Push each other. Tell each
other what you're doing that's making you better.
Tell each other what are the different things
you're doing that's enhancing your recovery or
whatever the fuck. You're into find other people
that are also into it Surround yourself with
people that have a similar thing and you all
lift each other up and it's you need the other
voices because I think sometimes the best jokes
you tell are like Like uh, you don't realize
you're telling a joke. You don't realize it's
a bit and then someone goes yo, man Like I remember
we were doing a new material night one night
and I got off stage and you walked up to me and
you go, did you really not know that Helen Keller
and Anne Frank weren't the same person? And I
was like, I used to think they were the same
person. Bro, you know what I've been reading?
That Helen Keller was a fraud? Okay, hold on,
let's start here, okay? So, okay. I heard Stevie
Wonder could see. Okay. And there's footage of
him doing seeing guy shit. Like what? Pull it
up. All sorts of stuff and some very interesting
stories people have told too. Shut the fuck up.
Boy that's a great secret to keep that secret
for so long while you're still alive. Helen Keller's
dead and it just leaked out in 2026. Her doctors
were saying that she responded to stimuli, to
sound, to visual and then her writing was apparently
all the same grammatical errors and spelling
errors that her handler had. It's just like he
says to me You lost it all, and you built it
back, and I just Stevie wondered him. I'm like,
yeah, I can't see, man. Me and Eddie Bravo were
crying laughing, because I was on the toilet
when he called me. And I'm taking a shit, and
he's like, did Burt Crasher lose everything?
I'm like, what? That was the first thing you
said to me last night. He goes, he was on Shannon
Sharp. I go, he didn't lose everything. And I
go, I bet Shannon Sharp just said that, and I
could see Burt totally just going with it. And
we were crying laughing. Eddie and I were crying.
Like, why would you go with that? Why wouldn't
you just tell him? I'll tell you, Burt wouldn't.
He wouldn't even, but he was like, I don't know,
Shannon. I just put myself back up and I just,
I hit rock bottom. He never hit rock bottom.
He was never even in the middle. He was always
doing great. That's what happened to Stevie Wonder.
They were just like, hey man, I heard you're
blind. He's like, what? And then someone's like,
just come on. This can't be real. I swear to
God, there's video of someone. Ray Charles is
blind. Don't kill all my dreams. Ray Charles
is really blind. But Stevie Wonder's got a lot
of pussy, too. Stevie Wonder. You know why? Because
he didn't care what it looked like. He didn't
give a fuck. He just cared what it felt like.
Did you smell good? Do you smell good? Can we
fuck? I brought a blind guy on stage one time
at Hartford, Connecticut. I was like, he was
with a fucking smoking hot chick. He probably
didn't even know. And I know I said, I go, dude,
what a waste. And he was like, what? I go, you
got a beautiful chick, but you could just. I
mean, wouldn't a fat one feel better? Because
you're all touch, right? And he goes, no, man,
I can feel her face. And I went, what? And he
goes, she's gorgeous. And she was. Oh, he could
feel her face. This is when I was young, and
there were no rules in comedy, and no one had
phones. So I said, hey, man, come up on stage.
I want you to feel people in the audience and
rate them on a scale of 1 to 10. Oh, no. And
fucking the confidence of these chicks. I'll
do it. Oh, boy. He gets up, feels her face. He's
like, oh, four. And the crowd was like, this
guy's good. He could have worked at a fair, Joe.
I mean, he was so fucking good. He was so good.
You have to have footage of Stevie Wonder shaking
dudes' hands. Come on. There's one where I saw
where he comes up on stage and Stevie sticks
his hand out to the side and the guy's like,
hey, what's up, Stevie? Yeah, but I mean, he
would hear people and know that they were to
the side of him. I don't know. That's what I
heard. But then I think that's what happened
with Helen Keller is, right, the story... Well
Helen Keller seems like it was fraud. It seems
like she probably was like visually impaired
Okay, when someone attempted to shake hands with
Stevie Wonder I pray this Oh But I did find so
there's a bunch of compilations of people like
this is from drink champs these Stevie Wonder
stories Keep getting wilder every time shout
it you ever had drink champs on no let's let
me let me hear some of this He's not blind stories.
Stevie Wonder does FaceTime me. Come on, man!
I can't make this shit up. Come on! I was in
there chilling when I was getting my hair done
with my hairstylist. And my phone, and my hairstylist
was like, did I say Stevie Wonder? I said, yep.
I went boop, and he was like, I've been looking
for you. You know Snoop Dogg says that Stevie
Wonder FaceTimes him? Yes Oh my god, oh my god
think Stevie to see sometimes Shaps and he rolled
in the elevator with Stevie and Stevie pressed
the I'm already in the elevator. So you say Stevie
got off his car or don't know? No, he got on
the elevator, don't know. OK. And I'm standing
in the corner. I see him. I don't want to say
nothing. He's like, what up, Diesel? He hit this
button, and he got to the floor, and I'm like.
Shaq said he was in the elevator with him. He
didn't say that he was in there. He just seen
Stevie. Like, they lived in the same building,
and they both walked in. And Shaq, because he
didn't want to say nothing, and Stevie said.
when Shaq walked out. All right, later, Diesel.
That's crazy. Yeah. Well, what a great move that
would be if he really did it. I think he's blind.
No, here's the pitch. But what up, Diesel? First
of all, the sound that he would make when he
walks. Like, Shaq is huge. He's an enormous person.
So you'd probably realize there's an enormous
man next to you. You'd have to feel it. Right.
I'll test it. Maybe he wears the same... Deodorant
or cologne because dudes who can't see have amazing
sense of smell Like they people smell differently.
Yeah, you know, like certain people smell different.
I guess I don't notice it cuz I can see him Yeah,
there you go. No, he has his own deodorant head
on it. I think he probably smelled shacks deodorant
Yeah, I don't know. I'm just trying to be charitable.
I this how I think it happened right Stevie Wonder
goes on what the Ed Sullivan show of five and
He's probably hard. He probably can't see I didn't
put on a 20 -20 vision. He's probably legally
blind, right? And they're legally blind legally
blind like he can see shit, but it's not great
vision and they're like, you know This is a little
Stevie and he's like what's wrong with his eyes?
We can't fucking put his eyes out like that Give
him sunglasses and they just and then the story
got bigger than it was. I will say this I will
say this. Okay, I got video of this This just
proves that he might be blind. Okay, Liam's at
a concert the other night, this guy, Corey Henry,
Stevie's favorite pianist, Leanne loves Corey
Henry. She goes to the concert, she's sitting
next to Stevie Wonder. And Stevie Wonder didn't
stand, the whole place was standing. And Leanne
was like, why isn't he standing? I go, cause
you only stand to see. If you're blind, you're
gonna sit through the whole show, it's no different
to you. So I was like, and then I have video
of Stevie Wonder sitting, but it's also convenient
to see who the fuck wants to stand for a show.
Helen Keller? The Helen Keller one's different.
The Helen Keller one's... Because there's doctors
that have said, like there's, it was medical
records at the time where people said she was
responding to light. The Helen Keller thing?
The board of archives from 1902 to 1924 do not
contain examination reports showing Helen Keller
had functional vision and hearing throughout
a disabled life. And the conspiracy that Keller
was a cash cow for Sullivan is debunked by the
fact that Keller's full life continued with another
companion, Polly Thompson, who also interpreted
for her. That doesn't mean anything. That means
that other person could be in on it as well.
Yeah. That doesn't mean anything. Also, this
is a time in 1919. I mean, come on. We're talking
about 1902 to 1924. I mean you could get away
with so much. So she supposedly flew a fucking
plane. I told you she flew a fucking plane. Hold
on. Yeah, this says it was from like a movie
and there's no... Oh, the movie. She flew a plane
in a movie. A silent film. She played herself.
She played herself flying a plane. They just
thought people retarded back then. They're like,
show her flying a plane. She's the best she started
the university nothing can hold her back. Why
is it holding you back? She can't hear she can't
see and she could talk and write books like wait
what? Okay, that is this one article But I've
read things that said that the people that were
examining her said that she responded to sound
and that she responded to light Just because
this one thing says it's not true doesn't mean
that it's not true. Well, then here's the question
That's also we don't know. This is a hundred
years ago. Yeah, we really don't know How blind
and deaf do you need to be before you say you're
not blind and deaf? Right. Well, the thing is
like can you not hear anything? Can you not see
anything that's blind and that's deaf anything
else is like I have poor hearing and poor sight.
Yeah, but That doesn't sell a fucking book right,
but that's the problem like maybe she could see
a little Maybe she said bad vision and maybe
she could talk a little Because otherwise how
I mean so less impressed explain to me how you're
gonna write books explain to me how you're gonna
grasp Concepts and language and communication
and interaction explain to me. I don't get it
I've never met anybody since and it's been we'll
do it. I can't blind deaf people today write
books and fly planes Don't know if she will plan
she just in the plane. That's what it said. Oh,
yeah She's in the front of this plane, and they
usually find a blind guy on a plane once anything
of it I didn't think he flew almost got no fight
with a blind guy at the Austin Airport for what
right after I did this show last time I was here
I was a little high I went to the airport a little
drunk He was fighting with his wife And he grabbed
her by the back of the arm to leave. And I thought
he was just grabbing by the back of the arm like
a dick. And I was like, hey. And then he turned
around and he had sunglasses on and a cane. And
I realized that's the only way he could get to
the gate. Look at Burt being a fucking white
knight. I know. Stepping in, fighting blind guys.
I fucked that guy up. He is so easy as fight
I've ever been in. The look on the black guy's
face at TSA, when I couldn't see that he was
blind already. And he grabbed his wife's arm
and I went hey and the black I went oh shit You're
talking said to a blind guy you were drunk I
was I was wasted so is there any people there
any good articles that say Helen Keller could
see Again I wonder wonder if she could see a
little See a little and hear a little. Makes
a lot more sense that you could write books.
That's why I just stumbled across something that's...
I don't know how true it is. It just says that
somewhere along the way Stevie Wonder got some
sort of corrective something or other to help...
Oh, so you could see a little bit? Perception
issues or... What? That means you could see.
Stop lying to me, damn it. That's crazy. Another
thing says he's got detached retinas. Wait, did
you ever see that? Oh, interesting. So he has
damaged vision then. That sounds like Damage
Division. Shortly after birth, due to retinopathy
of prematurity from being born prematurely, he's
addressed his rumors persistently about being
able to see, since it's a blessing, allow him
to see people's spirits, not their appearance.
So this is the Instagram thing that I saw initially
on Helen Keller. I'll send this to you. Yeah,
you don't believe that but you believe that bullshit
article that you just pulled up No, I'm saying
starting with social media isn't the best listen.
It's the best place for information It's where
I get all my information. Everything's accurate.
You could start there. It's all real It's all
real you ever told someone yeah I read a book
about it was just an Instagram post and they're
like a book. I think I saw the same post Yeah,
Helen Keller was a fraud doctors proved she could
see and hear that's her her teacher made millions
from the lie Said medical board are cut Medical
board archives from 1902 to 1924 allegedly contain
examination reports suggesting Helen Keller retained
partial vision and hearing throughout her life.
According to those claims, multiple physicians
noted she reacted to sounds when Anne Sullivan
was not present, tracked movement with her eyes,
and physically flinched at loud noises. One sealed
report is said to conclude that her response
is pointed to coordinated deception rather than
true disability. Sullivan reportedly refused
independent testing. Aha! The theory argues that
the situation became highly profitable. Sullivan
allegedly discovered Keller at age seven, promoted
a miraculous teaching breakthrough, and toured
the country charging the modern equivalent of
thousands per appearance. Supporters of the claims
say Keller's autobiography noticeably changed
tone when Sullivan became ill, suggesting Sullivan
authored both voices. Financial records are said
to show Sullivan controlled all income keeping
Keller financially dependent for life. Linguistic
analytics cited by conspiracy supporters claim
Keller's writings mirrored Sullivan's private
letters exactly matching vocabulary, sentence
structure, and even spelling mistakes. They argue
that when Keller wrote Without Sullivan Present,
the work appeared elementary, concluding that
her eloquent public words came from Sullivan,
not Keller. According to the theory disability
organizations later built massive institutions
around Keller story when evidence questioning
her condition surface it was allegedly suppressed
due to to rather protect a lucrative charity
an Inspiration based industry that relied on
a powerful symbolic figure Lance Armstrong What
do you mean? This is like this is the this is
the whole like The you build the whole thing
and people start coming at you, right? It's like
this is the time when the elephant man was big
but Lance Armstrong won those races and the thing
about the Lance Armstrong thing is You know,
you could say Lance Armstrong cheated and he'll
tell you he cheated but the reality is Everyone
cheated if you wanted to go back into the archives
when he won Tour de France and figure out like
who? Didn't test positive. You had to go to 18th
place Yeah, so they took away all his jerseys
by the way Fuck you, he says, because he still
has all those jerseys on the wall. Bitch, you
can't take them from me. You can say I didn't
win, but everybody knows I won. And everybody
knows he won when all those other guys were doping
too. But I was saying they were trying to protect
of a lucrative profit. Uh -huh, and that's what
didn't happen with Lance like he they they just
threw him under the bus Well, he was also suing
people who were saying that he took stuff Yeah
Because they were whistleblowers because they
went after them first and said listen if you
if you blow the whistle on Lance We'll get you
off the hook and so then he would sue them better
story of Helen was more like Lance and like we
got a tennis partner says you play tennis with
She's like I'm gonna sue you and they're like
you're talking pretty good But this is around
the time when the elephant man was big so you'd
grab on to something, right? You grab onto something
like a sideshow, right and you'd parade it around
the country That woman who's our handler if that
lady was responsible for all of her finances
and then access to all that money and Sullivan
that makes sense That's how I mixed up and Frank
and Anne Sullivan. That's how it came about nowhere.
There's no link here. Shut up, Jamie Just stop
ruining everything You're right. There's no link
there's not a single link to say and people even
ask like where are the links? Yeah, I like that
one though. I knew it. I knew it. I'm with that
guy Christian Harvey. I'm with that guy. I'm
with that guy I've been saying this for years.
It just doesn't make sense that she'd be able
to write so eloquently. Did you ever see Kevin
Hart and Dr. Dre talking about Stevie Wonder?
No. Pull this up. Kevin Hart, Dr. Dre. Dr. Dre
is not mean like he's not he never tries to be
funny Right. And he is so fucking funny on accident
on this clip. Talking about Stevie Wonder? Just
Stevie Wonder, Dr. Dre, Kevin Hart. Album with
Marsha Ambrosia, right? And we did some music,
a song using Stevie Wonder's music, and he had
to clear it, and he called me up like, hey, okay.
For some reason, Stevie Wonder called you like
super early in the morning, like six, seven in
the morning or some shit. I'm like, just because
you can't see the time. the fuck right so true
story i don't like the lyrics i don't like the
lyrics look at kevin okay we're gonna change
the lyrics it's like what if we uh it's like
just like what the fuck is the difference like
five a .m or five p .m That's true. What's the
difference? That's true. That's why people have
a really hard time sleeping. I Imagine cuz it's
dark all the time. Yeah. Yeah, they're circadian
rhythms all fucked up, right? Yeah, they feel
sunlight in their face though if they go outside
they have to I do Yeah, it probably feels really
good. That's on your face. You're blind He's
don't feel the light Just feel the warmth. I
bet you see it when you open your eyes a little
bit, but you see something depends on your level
of blindness, right? Some people could just see
light Like a little bit of light I would love
that they made like blind glasses like this is
what this is how blind you have to be To be considered
blind and you could just put them on and be like,
okay, that's like legally legally blind glasses
that we could all put on and then they're like
and that'd be cool if they made like Versions
like this is how blind Helen Keller was and you
put them on you're like, oh I can fucking see
I guess there's no way to find I'd like to believe
that it was a fraud. I think that's fun I like
to believe that people pull both like Watergate.
I like finding out I gotta get rid of that book
now Yeah, that fucking bums me out. I don't wanna
listen. Will you watch the episode that I did
with Bill Murray? He fucking hated that book.
He said yeah after five pages. He was like I
knew it was bullshit Yeah, Bert. I love you to
death Joe. I love you. Tell everybody about your
show It's on Netflix right now free Bert streaming
on Netflix right now. Check it out. If you like
it, just enjoy it friend boom boom 275 pounds
in this You look like you lost a lot of weight
how much you down to know 40 pounds 35 pounds
and you have a drink and how long Just 17 days.
That's good. Yeah, I got another I have a timer
set five months and 18 days So it's six months.
You're gonna have a drink Yeah, well, I got a
second opinion. You know that Joe. Okay. I'll
see you in six months I'll see you before you
coming tonight. You're gonna be around I'm trying
to go did spend time with Tom's kids dinner.
Okay. Yeah, it's good. Good luck getting Tommy
on the phone these days He's a busy boy. Yeah
Yeah, we're all busy Tom. That dude is busy though.
No, he's kind of crazy busy. I own a vodka company
with him Yeah, you open up a restaurant. We have
a 5k you couldn't run our 5k Joe. No LA What
was the last time you were there? I guess it
was like I went there for the UFC Seven months
ago or something like that. Yeah, I don't go
there anymore LA to me is like just a bad relationship
Like that you like you're running to a girl that
used to be cool and now she's just a mess and
you're like, oh You don't miss anything about
it. Nope I'm good at moving on Thanks for having
me on Joe. My pleasure brother. I love you to
death. Bye everybody.