Hey guys! It's me again! Coming to you live from
my 2020 Subaru Impreza! Bright blue, my daddy
used to call it the Blue Devil! Which, I love
this car, but I did have some bad luck, pretty
much. I mean, the first, literally one month
after I got it, I was driving home on the highway,
Route 80, if any of my New Jerseyans out there,
you know that Fruit 80 is an actual nightmare.
I'm actually driving it now because I just left
my breakfast that turned into a basically four
and a half hour coffee filled, laughter and tears
and delicious food with my bestie Mish, which
I'll talk about more in a minute. And I also
want to clarify, I think I said she was my best
friend from high school. We actually became friends,
best friends in sixth grade. So we were literally
11 going on 12 and we are now 44 year old with
old bones She has a husband three girls. I have
an ex -husband one boy She has that booming bridal
business that I told you about pink comb salon
Westfield, New Jersey check it out um But I haven't
had to drive on route 80 since that last day
that I went into my office Which was a week and
a half ago and mind you this is a highway that
I have driven for I mean don't even know since
2006 because every job I've had has always been
so far from my house like over an hour every
single job I've had so the fact that I have not
left my little tiny sweet little cute town of
Hackettstown for like a week and a half it was
fucking scary on route 80 you guys my life was
flashing before my eyes and the sick thing is
all I could think about is my listeners I mean
they're never gonna hear how everything went
with my breakfast with Mish and of course also
my child would be motherless which would also
be a bad thing but anyway I hope you guys can
hear me because like I said I am on the highway
so just a quick you know recap because I told
you guys last night I was so excited to have
this breakfast and I have to say this might have
been the best four and a half hours I've probably
had since my father passed away I promised myself
that I'm not gonna cry today, during the recording
at least. I did cry a little bit at our date,
our breakfast date, but I just want to emphasize
again to everyone out there, like you don't realize
how much human connection, like what a difference
that makes. Like my little sister, she's 32 and
she has so many friends. Her and her husband
are so social and they're both just incredible
people, but I remember couple years ago like
realizing they're always doing things with their
friends they're always doing things with their
friends and I would always think to myself well
wait till they have a kid you know it's gonna
be different they're not gonna see their friends
anymore well guess what their daughter is now
I don't know how many months seven yeah just
seven months on the 18th once again number 18
she's seven months and my sister is still seeing
her friends when she can my brother -in -law
Kevin Kev what what Love him. I'm very lucky
to have two amazing brother -in -laws. The other
one is Rob, but I call him Brother, short for
Brother. He has been around for many, many, many
years. Anyway, what I'm saying is like my sister
still makes her friends and that special time
to see her friends a priority in her life. And
that is something that I am going to, that's
something that was on my vision board, ironically,
again. I mean, there's so many things, you guys,
that are on this vision board that I made on
January 11th before my mother had this brain
bleed, before this whole new chapter started.
I'm also apologizing because we did have about
three cups of coffee at this breakfast. So, if
I'm a little speedy, don't worry, it's not mania,
it's just caffeine. I have to hydrate now for
the rest of the day. But anyway, what I'm saying
is I think that the human interaction is so important.
I feel this way also after a good family party.
My aunt and uncle, they live in Montville. I
mentioned that town a while back when I talked
about my cousin on the Broadway episode. And
they have this beautiful, beautiful backyard
with a pool and a... an outdoor kitchen and they
are the hostesses with the mostises and we actually
even they've they have coined a name for their
their resorts which we call Bella Bath and Spa
and you could literally check in there on Instagram
if you wanted to. Of course, don't do it unless
you're actually there with us. But it's just
been this amazing, amazing place to go. And I
know my Aunt Savannah has been so supportive
to me. She's the aunt that gave me that necklace,
and I'm gonna see her for lunch next week. And
she has been texting me every single day telling
me how much she's loving the podcast. And I just
feel so lucky and so loved. Okay, I'm also not
gonna cry about this, but. She has made me feel
so loved and she has always gone out of her way
for me And she was there during some of the darkest
times and I'm just so happy that now we're actually
getting to enjoy the other side of things and
Now I'm gonna I'm gonna digress or kind of take
a detour for a minute. So And my cousins know
this, especially my one cousin, she's technically
my cousin's cousin, Alisa, also a shout out.
So Alisa and I have been single for a long time.
Alisa's never been married, she's younger than
me. But she had a serious relationship years
ago that I think she definitely thought was gonna
go in one direction and unfortunately did not.
Alisa also lost her father, my Uncle Tony, not
too long ago, which was of course absolutely
heartbreaking and we've been able to connect
a little bit about that, obviously with losing
my father. So one of the things that I told her
a while ago and in passing, and I really didn't
even remember I told her this. So in all these
years that I've been dating, so technically my
last true relationship ended in 2019. and then
from 2019 to mid no to like end of 2024 or five
years I dated now when I say I dated you guys
like I hit it hard we're talking tinder we're
talking bumble we're talking hinge we're talking
pof plenty of fishes or as we know it plenty
of you guessed it f -word What other ones did
I do? I think I did every single possible one
besides Christian Mingle. And I will let you
guys in on a little bit of a secret. I did attempt
to sign up for Christian Mingle last night because
now that I'm at a point in my life where I'm
like... Maybe I could use a guy who fucking believes
in God a little bit, you know? Maybe I could
use someone who knows what it's like to go through
real struggles and knows that God is the one
that has led them through struggles. And I woke
up yesterday morning remembering this date I
went on when I was in California. Oh, the other
thing I loved about California was the guys would
just come up to me. Like, they'd be like, oh,
hi. Oh, hi. Like, how are you? My name is so
-and -so. I have never been hit on in my life
in New Jersey. Never once have I been somewhere
and someone has actually come up to me and hit
on me. So California, I remember I was at like
the vending machine one time, like at like a
night class, and this guy came up to me and we
ended up going on like a really nice date. But
anyway. I met this other guy and I can't remember
his name. I want to say maybe James and he was
so nice He was so sweet and he had these light
green eyes and he was just like a really good
nice guy And I'll never forget this you guys
now remember we're talking about I was like 20
years old So don't hold this against me, but
we went out to a sushi place. Sushi was big in
California Oh God see these huge trucks you guys
this huge truck just oh my god, please don't
crush my windshield Lord Okay, so we went on
this date and he was so nice. Like I said, I
remember he opened my car door for me I think
that might have been the first time ever and
we get to the sushi place and we order and the
sushi comes and we're talking and he stopped
me he goes can I just pray really quick and Do
you guys know that I never went out with him
again because of that? Because I thought it was
weird that he wanted to pray now now I will also
say, at 20 years old, I think the majority of
the people out there would have probably felt
the same way, that it was a little bit weird,
but I'm just thinking like all these effing lunatics
that I have met in my lifetime, I would have
taken that guy back in a heartbeat, in a heartbeat
if praying... was the least of my concerns. I
mean I'm talking people that are married, people
that had sat across from me on a date and explained
to me that his soon -to -be ex -wife still lives
in the house and she's like Russian or something
and doesn't speak any English and they're not
going to get back together but if I come to the
house for dinner, she's gonna come downstairs
in a miniskirt and she's gonna bend over in front
of him because she's trying to get him back.
Okay? Okay? This same date, he also did not even
ask me anything in the beginning of what I wanted
to eat, what I wanted to order. He ordered a
Red Bull and vodka. Like, what are we, at a fucking
frat party? Are you kidding me? And this was
like right after COVID. So like things were just
opening up. Like I remember we had to wear masks
to walk in the restaurant. And we had been chatting
outside the restaurant door first. And he's like,
I mean, this whole fucking COVID thing is a whole
made up thing anyway. It doesn't exist. There's
no such thing. And I'm like, Oh God. And this
was before we even walked in the door, you guys.
I'm like, are you kidding me? I'm like, oh God,
why, why? I could be home watching Netflix right
now in my undies, for God's sake. So, we go in,
we sit down, and he orders the Red Bull and vodka.
I think I ordered a White Claw, I'm sure. White
Claws are pretty much all I drink. uh because
of the puking and because it's nice and light
and also I'm technically not really supposed
to drink on medicine nobody really is but I notice
if I keep it light with like white claws um and
drink a lot of water I'm fine however on this
date I probably should have been doing shots
of whiskey and then just called an uber or had
my dad come to pick me up looking back on it
so We're sitting there, so that whole part about
the wife came a little bit later, like after
maybe he had one or two of the Red Bulls and
vodka. He orders all these appetizers. They come
to the table. It was like fried calamade. What
else was it? Like all stuff, like fried mushrooms,
like things that I would normally, of course,
would love to eat, but I can't because of my
gluten problem. So it comes, and he's like, you're
not gonna eat anything? And I'm like, well, I
can't eat any of this. And he's like, why? I'm
like, I have a gluten. I have a gluten intolerance.
He goes, Oh, okay. That's all he said. You guys.
Okay. That's all he said. So we're like, we're
making small talk. I'm thinking to myself, I
got to get out of here. Like I got to get out
of here. I don't like to do meals. You guys,
I do drinks and appetizers, drinks, appetizers,
wrap it up and let's go. And there's been some
dates over the years that were awesome. Like
three, four, five hour dates. My longest date
was a nine hour date. Oh, that was fun. The nine
hour date. Oh, excuse me. Thank you. The nine
hour date was this guy who I think I met on Plenty
of Fish. He was, now one of the pieces of advice,
and I might lose people here, but one of the
pieces of advice my dad always gave me was to
never date a cop. And listen, police officers
out there, I appreciate what you do for us. I
am so thankful for you, but I am not going to
date you and I would never ever on God's green
earth marry you. Okay, and and I have yet to
be proven wrong because I have gotten involved
with probably at least I don't even know three
to five different cops throughout my life, even
though my father gave me that advice So this
guy was a sheriff's deputy. That was his that
was his title So in my mind, I'm like, all right.
Well, he's not a cop per se So we go to this
place. It was an afternoon D like a Saturday
afternoon date and we started at like 2 p .m.
at this place that I didn't realize did not have
white claws or any kind of like hard seltzer
which is really impossible to imagine now that
I'm saying this but so I ended up drinking red
wine you guys. And that's actually how I got
discovered at White Claws years ago. My cousin
Victoria, we were at Bella Bath and Spa and it
was like 95 degrees out and it was one of the
parties where it was like a lot of the younger
cousins like you know they're like in their 30s
early 30s like even like most some of them in
their late 20s and everyone's partying it up
and there I am like having a ball drinking red
wine in the sweltering heat by the friggin pool
and my cousin's like Alana what are you drinking?
I'm like I'm just drinking a little drinking
so she introduced me to White Claws and I've
been obsessed ever since so I had to drink this
red wine and the date lasted for hours and hours
and hours and then we sat in his car and I remember
we sang all this music like country music and
we had such I mean again at this point I'm super
buzzed because this is probably like I don't
even know how many hours later how many wines
later and I remember one of the songs was Wagon
Wheel by Darius Rucker And Darius Rucker reminds
me a lot of, I had that relationship where I
dated somebody that lived in South Carolina,
Charleston, South Carolina, and I was there one
time for New Year's, and we went out to dinner,
and we sat at the bar, and all of a sudden, all
these people start taking their phone out, and
I thought they were all looking at me. I'm like,
oh my god, did I become famous overnight? And
then I look next to me, and it's Darius Rucker,
like, picking up his, like, to -go order. So
it always kind of reminds me of that. and we
just had a really great time like singing music
and then we went to another place where I did
have a white claw and then we're wrapping up
the night and you guys I'll never forget this
because I'll be honest I usually kiss on the
first date maybe some of you are not surprised
by that but I do because physical connection
and physical attraction is super important to
me because I've had relationships in the past
where that was lacking and I realized that that
is a very important part of what I need in a
relationship So we're saying our goodbye and
he just like puts his arms out for a hug. And
I'm like, oh, I'm like, okay, we're just gonna
hug. And he's like, yeah, he goes, I just don't
really feel like I should give you a kiss yet.
I think you need to earn it. Okay. Now, so the
next day was a big family outing to a pumpkin
patch. It was frigid. I remember that. And my
cousin brought her brand new dog that was a wild
hooligan lunatic dog that was jumping all over
the place. Had no training. I think it's trained
now. Actually, I think this dog might not be
alive now, but anyway. So we're at this pumpkin
patch and he's texting me and calling me. And
so at one point I answered, I'm like, hey, I'm
like, listen, I'm out with my family. Can I call
you later? He goes, oh, okay. I'm just calling
to let you know that I have a Tinder date tonight.
coming over so if you try to call me and I don't
answer it's because she's coming over and uh
I'm sure one thing's gonna lead to another and
she's gonna sleep over so I'll probably just
call you tomorrow maybe we can get together on
Tuesday I'm just gonna let everybody sit with
that for a minute okay so I'm sure you guys have
realized I am not a fucking idiot or a glutton
well I'm a glutton for punishment when it comes
to gluten and dairy sometimes but not when it
comes to to guys or at least not when it comes
to guys this early on in the dating phase let's
just say that but honestly i haven't had one
guy the longest I ever dated honestly in all
this time was probably one guy for like maybe
two or three months and it was very I remember
when I broke it off with him I told him he was
like very hot and cold we had a great physical
connection he's very intelligent very successful
single dad I actually have joked recently out
of all the guys I've dated he was probably the
one that got away but we reconnected recently
and the same exact thing happened like we would
be texting all day and then all of a sudden like
two days would go by and like there's no contact
and it's just it's like listen you know you know
what this reminds me of all right guys don't
make fun of me but i might pull a travis kelsey
right now there is this guy that I started to
see, I think it was on TikTok, I started to see
him. Victoria and Saverio, you're gonna know
who this is, because I know that I started sending
you guys the videos of him first. His first name
is David. David Depere or something like that.
It's a very Italian. He's an Italian guy Yeah,
so handsome you guys like I'm talking like drop
-dead handsome and I started to come across his
videos maybe like a year ago I think and he sits
in his car kind of like me and He would just
talk about like dating this day and age and like
relationships, and he's so funny, but he's not
trying to be funny. It's kind of like what I
talked about in one of my earlier episodes where
I'm really not sitting here trying to make you
guys laugh, like it's just part of my personality.
But he would say like the best, oh my god, you
guys, you have to look him up. Wait, hold on,
I'm, well now I'm out of light, so maybe I could
look up his full name, because I want to give
him a shout out. Oh my god, you guys, it was
the first one. Davi, D, A, V as in Victor, I,
87, D as in David, P as in Peter. That's his
name on Instagram and TikTok and everything.
And if I ever meet him, I've already decided
I would not call him Davi, because to me that
sounds like a milkshake or something. I would
call him David. Or Davidere, where it's almost
like a French accent. I mean, I did take a lot
of French in high school. Um, can't speak a lick
of it, but I am very good at doing the accent.
So, Davidic! But anyway, you have to look him
up, you guys. He's so, like, he just is so, such
a great guy. Um, and I just found out he wrote
an audiobook called, um, The Letters I Never
Sent, which I can't find it anywhere. So, David,
if you want to somehow send me a private link,
I would gladly accept. Um, so I need to find
it somewhere, because I am very interested in
reading it. And... And he just has a very interesting
backstory. So if you guys want to look him up.
But the point of this is he really gives a good
take on what dating is like right now. And he
really gives a very, very good painted picture
of the type of men that are out there right now
and what they think a woman wants or a woman
is looking for. And the reality is everybody's
looking for a David. I know I am. um makes me
think of travis kelsey with the friendship bracelet
remember you guys oh i wanted to give her my
number and the brother's like what do you mean
like your football number and he's like oh no
i meant like my number my number so anyway so
he's like really really funny and then the other
thing that's kind of weird because i just kind
of talked about this so first of all the last
video on tiktok i ever sent my dad was one of
his videos my dad thought he was hilarious and
i used to we used to always send videos back
and forth And then the second weird thing is
just recently, and it could have been after my
dad passed away, I'm watching his videos like
I always do, and I'm noticing that he's starting
to quote like from scripture, like from the Bible,
and... When I first saw it, I don't know if it
was before or after my dad passed away, I can't
remember. But I remember thinking, oh god. Or
as I like to say, which I get from my sister,
oh lord. Like lord, but with like a southern
accent. I'm like, oh lord. I'm like, so now we're
gonna start getting religious. And then he starts
talking about the audio book. I'm like, oh now
he wants to make money. So I kind of took it
with like a grain of salt. And I was kind of
like, eh, like if I see his videos, you know,
I'll see them if not, if not. But then over the
last couple days when my heart has been changing
a little bit with, you know, thinking about maybe
possibly someone coming across my fucking path
that has some sort of faith in their life, some
sort of God, some sort of religion, some sort
of, um, like, like spine of something to hold
on to. And I think I told you guys, my dad went
back to church for the first time. a very very
long time the last year of his life and I don't
think it's a coincidence that somehow he ended
up having the best year of his life and he's
possibly ever had ever but it's definitely been
the best year since I've known him in my 44 years
of living so This is not going to turn into me
going on a soapbox and saying, you know, religion
is everything But I guess I'm just at that point
in my life at this moment Where I think finding
someone that has like the family values that
I have being so close with my parents and my
siblings Someone who has like a drive and a passion
Somebody that can make room in their life for
someone because I do notice that I've gotten
both sides of the spectrum. Like the person that's
like, oh yeah, we're gonna hang out. They're
with me. They tell me all these amazing things.
They love bomb me when I'm with them. And then
I don't hear from them for three days. And I've
heard podcasts from certain people that are like,
oh, you know, that's okay. That's your anxiety.
Like if you don't hear from someone for three
days, that's your own issue. I appreciate that's
what you think about yourself. but for me I wouldn't
accept that and I'm not going to accept it and
I never did and then there'd be the other side
of the coin where it's like people that like
I like that guy so going back to that COVID date
you guys he goes to the bathroom he comes back
and sits next to me in the booth and starts putting
his hand up the back of my shirt and like rubbing
my back like a massage I'm like uh I go I think
I would feel more comfortable if you were sitting
across from me So he sits across from me and
the bill comes and he looks at the bill. This
might be the most uncomfortable time I've ever
in my life had on a date. And this is where I'm
going to leave this because I'm almost home now
and I need some extra water and rest after four
and a half hours of talking with Mish and now
this long message to you guys. So he sits there
and he shakes his head and he goes, Oh my God,
can you believe that the Red Bulls and Vodkas
were 10 bucks a piece? And in my head, I'm thinking,
when was the last time this guy went out in the
world? Like, $10 is actually cheap. Like, I wanted
to respond to be like, well, I can't believe
you were actually drinking Red Bulls and vodka.
That's more of a shock to me than the $10. So
anyway, so he says that. So then, you guys, you're
gonna die. This is why I'm gonna leave you with
this. He puts his credit card in there, and he
closes the thing, and he looks at me. He goes,
Alana, listen. I really like you. This has been
one of the best dates of my life but we're not
going to be able to do this again in terms of
coming out somewhere because I don't have much
money. My kids are only getting one Christmas
gift each this year because things have been
very tight. So I would love if you just come
over to my house the next time we go out because
of course there'll be a next time because this
was just such an amazing date and You know, actually,
what I can do is I could even ask Savannah, whatever
the hell the Russian soon -to -be ex -wife was,
to cook us some steaks! What?! This cannot be
real life. Like, this cannot be real life. So,
my last date was last June. And again, there
was that physical connection there, but the intellectual,
emotional connection wasn't there. So that was
very short -lived. And at the end of the day,
I just want someone that I can enjoy life with,
and I can bring him to Bella Bath and Spa, and
this is what I told Elisa, and this is where
I am going to come back to, this is what I was
coming back to, which somehow I do always get
back to my point somehow. I always think when
I'm on a date with someone, can I picture them
coming to my aunt's pool and us just having the
best time? Meaning, he doesn't have to be up
my butt the whole time, but he's not gonna disappear
and be, you know, doing friggin' beer funnels
in the garage with the 20 -somethings. and we're
gonna have this great time and he's gonna be
able to socialize with the family and he's gonna
have his beer in his hand and I'm gonna have
my white claw and he's gonna come over and touch
the small of my back and we're gonna have fun
in the pool and then he's gonna hang out with
Parker and it's just gonna be the best. And that
is what I look for and I'm so, so, so happy for
my cousin Elisa because she finally met such
a great guy. His name is Mickey. Mickey, remember
me? And he's younger than her. I'm gonna bring
this up too. He's five years younger than her.
And the first day I met him, I just knew that
this is the guy that she would end up with. But
he mentioned to me more than once that she keeps
bringing up this age difference. So I pulled
her aside. Now did I have a few white claws in
me? Perhaps. However, I pulled her aside and
I took her in the bathroom and I told her how
much I loved him and how he was wonderful and
he was great and he was great with the family
and with the kids and such a great personality
and you could see he was just so enamored with
Alisa and it was just the best thing I had seen
in such a long time. And I said, but listen to
me right now. Stop bringing up the age difference.
People, come on! Oh my Lord. Stop bringing...
the age difference she's like well I mean I only
said it once or twice I go listen it doesn't
matter I go it's bothering him and it doesn't
fucking matter Alisa I go do you know how many
men I've gone out with around the age of 50 that
doesn't have their shit together the way he does
so stop well guess what they've gone on these
all -inclusive vacations they've gone to weddings
together we had a great time at one of our cousins
baptisms over the summer so I think she got over
it And my father actually talked to me a couple
months back about how I should really consider
guys that are younger than me because I kind
of never did that because I always felt like
they were just so immature without life experience.
And he told me that I need to get over that and
now I'm 44. He's like, Alana, well, Zib, you're
no spring chicken now. So now you're 44. So the
guys that are younger than you are going to be
in like late 30s, early 40s. They're going to
have life experience. And the week before Christmas,
we were all at my sister's house for Thanksgiving,
and we were all sitting around talking, and I
was like, listen, guys, I said, I just, I don't
know. At this point, I just don't think I'm cut
out for a relationship. I mean, just the thought
of having to actually interact with the same
person on a daily basis, I don't think I could
do it. And I'll never forget, my dad looked at
me. and I'm gonna keep this still somewhat anonymous
but that last boyfriend that I brought up a couple
of times that was a very very serious relationship
who I do feel loved me like unconditionally and
I had never felt that before his name was Dave
but he lives in another state so my dad said
whoa whoa whoa Zib so you're telling me if I
got you a Dave in the state of New Jersey you
wouldn't be open to that? And I was like, I don't
know, Dad, I don't know. But it turns out Mr.
David lives in New Jersey. I will leave everyone
with that. I hope you guys are having a great
Friday if I end up putting this out today, which
I think I will. We're about to go on a weekend.
I know it's gonna be super cold out, but let's
all just enjoy it the best that we can. It's
a great weekend for pajamas and movies. Parker's
already asking me, mommy, what are we gonna door
dash? Let's just enjoy life and let's just remember
things could be worse. You could be out with
a guy that's telling you his soon -to -be ex
-wife, who's showing her butt crack, is gonna,
you know. Pan up some filet mignons for you guys
before you sit on the couch and watch national
lampoons Christmas fucking vacation Alright guys,
peace out. Love ya. Hang on to hope everyone
hang on one two three four pain ends