WEBVTT 00:00:01.430 --> 00:00:06.089 Ugh, guys, I'm back. It's like so crazy. I'm 00:00:06.089 --> 00:00:07.570 like, all right, Alana, now you need to take 00:00:07.570 --> 00:00:11.910 a break. Well, I'll have to start by telling 00:00:11.910 --> 00:00:16.949 you that that last recording, Gypsy Rose, as 00:00:16.949 --> 00:00:24.370 I called it, kicked my effing butterfly tattooed 00:00:24.370 --> 00:00:30.120 ass. And... tried to take a nap after to like 00:00:30.120 --> 00:00:33.200 recharge myself and I couldn't and I ate something 00:00:33.200 --> 00:00:35.979 and then I'm trying to watch like a mindless 00:00:35.979 --> 00:00:39.299 show on Netflix and I can't concentrate and I 00:00:39.299 --> 00:00:41.219 just like happened to open up Instagram and like 00:00:41.219 --> 00:00:43.100 there was this thing about energy and it said 00:00:43.100 --> 00:00:46.500 like sometimes when somebody sucks out your energy 00:00:46.500 --> 00:00:48.380 like when you're with someone or you're thinking 00:00:48.380 --> 00:00:50.399 of someone or you're talking to someone on the 00:00:50.399 --> 00:00:54.479 phone and they suck out your negative energy 00:00:54.829 --> 00:00:56.789 I mean they suck out your energy like you need 00:00:56.789 --> 00:01:00.090 to kind of ask God and ask the universe take 00:01:00.090 --> 00:01:03.289 a few deep breaths and and ask to and and to 00:01:03.289 --> 00:01:05.810 like picture yourself breathing back in like 00:01:05.810 --> 00:01:11.310 light and white and fresh air and release that 00:01:11.310 --> 00:01:14.650 negative energy and one of the things that I 00:01:14.650 --> 00:01:19.549 remembered after you guys is like when was it 00:01:19.549 --> 00:01:22.090 a couple months ago I think it was over the summer 00:01:22.090 --> 00:01:26.030 um there was a lot of stuff going on and somehow 00:01:26.030 --> 00:01:30.150 I got connected to a shaman like through a mutual 00:01:30.150 --> 00:01:34.549 friend and I went and met with him just one time 00:01:34.549 --> 00:01:37.569 he also asked for money but it wasn't a lot but 00:01:37.569 --> 00:01:39.489 it was okay because obviously like he needs to 00:01:39.489 --> 00:01:43.030 make a living somehow but the point was he told 00:01:43.030 --> 00:01:48.250 me that as soon as he met me he felt this energy 00:01:48.250 --> 00:01:53.829 field around me and not a positive one He actually 00:01:53.829 --> 00:01:57.489 used the words that this girl on Instagram just 00:01:57.489 --> 00:02:01.870 used. He said he had to put a cloak around himself 00:02:01.870 --> 00:02:06.969 to protect himself from my negative aura and 00:02:06.969 --> 00:02:11.560 my negative energy. And he actually brought up, 00:02:11.740 --> 00:02:14.979 I believe, I could be mistaken, but I think he 00:02:14.979 --> 00:02:17.199 brought it up before I even told him the story 00:02:17.199 --> 00:02:20.960 of the psychic. He asked me if I had ever been 00:02:20.960 --> 00:02:25.039 involved in any kind of black magic because he 00:02:25.039 --> 00:02:30.099 saw that there really was something that was 00:02:30.099 --> 00:02:32.919 that was hovering around me. Now, I may have 00:02:32.919 --> 00:02:37.210 lost you guys at this point. Whatever you believe 00:02:37.210 --> 00:02:39.969 in, I really don't care because this is me and 00:02:39.969 --> 00:02:43.629 I'm just telling you about my life, but something 00:02:43.629 --> 00:02:47.129 has shifted, which I'm sure you guys are aware, 00:02:47.490 --> 00:02:50.949 something has shifted. I feel like everywhere 00:02:50.949 --> 00:02:53.590 right now for some reason, but as far as my life, 00:02:54.250 --> 00:02:57.250 something has definitely shifted for the better 00:02:57.250 --> 00:03:00.520 for me, even though I had these. catastrophic 00:03:00.520 --> 00:03:02.919 situations where my father passed away suddenly 00:03:02.919 --> 00:03:04.819 and then I almost lost my mom and then I had 00:03:04.819 --> 00:03:09.340 to leave my job. It's been really, really good 00:03:09.340 --> 00:03:13.280 things. But let me tell you guys something. When 00:03:13.280 --> 00:03:17.960 I finished recording that 50 minutes, going through 00:03:17.960 --> 00:03:26.840 that story and reliving those emotions, I have 00:03:26.840 --> 00:03:32.479 to tell you it... affected me. It affected me. 00:03:33.780 --> 00:03:43.259 And it's so interesting to realize that things 00:03:43.259 --> 00:03:49.439 can affect you profoundly that you don't even 00:03:49.439 --> 00:03:52.419 realize you don't even realize the way they they 00:03:52.419 --> 00:03:55.680 can affect you. Like I didn't just talk to this 00:03:55.680 --> 00:03:57.439 woman. I didn't just see this woman. This was 00:03:57.439 --> 00:04:00.840 an energy that was physically with me, but it 00:04:00.840 --> 00:04:03.780 brought out so much emotion. So like now it makes 00:04:03.780 --> 00:04:07.020 more sense. Like when you're grieving somebody 00:04:07.020 --> 00:04:09.439 or when you break up with someone or when you're 00:04:09.439 --> 00:04:12.879 going through a divorce, like you have, you're 00:04:12.879 --> 00:04:16.620 locked in this dark place in this energy. You're 00:04:16.620 --> 00:04:20.500 focusing on this person or situation that made 00:04:20.500 --> 00:04:28.930 you feel so God awful and of course it's so hard 00:04:28.930 --> 00:04:33.990 to get out of that and the only thing I can say 00:04:33.990 --> 00:04:40.629 is you know for the last what god it hasn't even 00:04:40.629 --> 00:04:45.129 been last Wednesday a week from yesterday was 00:04:45.129 --> 00:04:48.360 the day that I had to go to work and meet with 00:04:48.360 --> 00:04:50.639 my boss and we talked about the leave and I, 00:04:50.639 --> 00:04:53.100 you know, packed up most of my stuff. And then, 00:04:53.160 --> 00:04:55.160 so that was, it's only been like a week. And 00:04:55.160 --> 00:04:58.699 I think I posted the first podcast episode maybe 00:04:58.699 --> 00:05:01.800 on like Friday, I think. Because Saturday morning, 00:05:01.800 --> 00:05:04.180 I remember I woke up and I heard my dad be like, 00:05:04.240 --> 00:05:07.480 Zib, your life is about to change. Like I heard 00:05:07.480 --> 00:05:11.519 him say that. Okay, since we talked about the 00:05:11.519 --> 00:05:13.779 psychic, I think I can tell you guys a little 00:05:13.779 --> 00:05:17.709 extra piece that might again make some of you 00:05:17.709 --> 00:05:19.610 leave, but I think it's important for you guys 00:05:19.610 --> 00:05:21.689 to understand so that you don't think I'm completely 00:05:21.689 --> 00:05:24.870 out of my mind. But the night that my mom got 00:05:24.870 --> 00:05:28.230 rushed to the hospital, I was at a group. It 00:05:28.230 --> 00:05:30.509 was like a, I don't know how to explain it. It 00:05:30.509 --> 00:05:33.050 wasn't a therapy group. I went on the website 00:05:33.050 --> 00:05:36.259 Meetup. and it's like this really cool like app 00:05:36.259 --> 00:05:38.699 if you guys want to try it it like gives you 00:05:38.699 --> 00:05:40.300 all these different places that you could go 00:05:40.300 --> 00:05:42.139 and like it could be like singles events which 00:05:42.139 --> 00:05:44.620 is what I normally would do but it has all different 00:05:44.620 --> 00:05:47.639 interests like hiking groups and book clubs and 00:05:47.639 --> 00:05:49.860 all this stuff so one of the ones that I came 00:05:49.860 --> 00:05:54.779 across was like a psychic slash medium type of 00:05:54.779 --> 00:05:58.160 group now again the word psychic it It's a kind 00:05:58.160 --> 00:05:59.980 of a trigger word for me, which is also kind 00:05:59.980 --> 00:06:02.980 of ironic because my entire life up to the moment 00:06:02.980 --> 00:06:06.399 where this woman Completely ripped me of my soul. 00:06:07.220 --> 00:06:10.139 Oh A go -to word for me was always psychic like 00:06:10.139 --> 00:06:11.660 if I would say something and then all of a sudden 00:06:11.660 --> 00:06:14.420 we would see that person we'd all be like psychic 00:06:14.420 --> 00:06:16.439 like it was just the thing that we would always 00:06:16.439 --> 00:06:19.899 say and Because of that woman I stopped saying 00:06:19.899 --> 00:06:21.560 it. So maybe I should fucking start saying it 00:06:21.560 --> 00:06:25.199 again, you know, um So anyway, so I had gone 00:06:25.199 --> 00:06:28.470 to this class And I was telling them and it was 00:06:28.470 --> 00:06:30.910 great. I loved it was like 15 bucks So I know 00:06:30.910 --> 00:06:33.269 I knew it wasn't a scam or anything and there 00:06:33.269 --> 00:06:35.389 was like seven other women there and it was this 00:06:35.389 --> 00:06:37.529 woman two women that were kind of running it 00:06:37.529 --> 00:06:39.750 we did all these exercises and we talked about 00:06:39.750 --> 00:06:43.529 like energies and this and that and I told them 00:06:43.529 --> 00:06:46.310 all about my dad when I first walked in and I 00:06:46.310 --> 00:06:48.709 sat with the two women I was like, oh hi like 00:06:48.709 --> 00:06:50.980 and I told them quick quick synopsis of my dad. 00:06:51.180 --> 00:06:53.560 I'm like, you know, I go, so I'm here. I'm like, 00:06:53.579 --> 00:06:55.079 I'm very interested to find out. I go, cause 00:06:55.079 --> 00:06:57.480 I really feel like I hear him and I'm, and I'm 00:06:57.480 --> 00:06:59.939 like, I'm getting all these signs from him. And, 00:07:00.060 --> 00:07:01.459 and I'm like, you know, like one of the signs 00:07:01.459 --> 00:07:04.199 is 18, the number 18. And I was driving here 00:07:04.199 --> 00:07:06.660 and I pulled in and it was 618. And it's the 00:07:06.660 --> 00:07:09.300 number on the, on the building is 18. And they 00:07:09.300 --> 00:07:13.459 both just like stared at me. And I'm like, uh, 00:07:13.459 --> 00:07:15.980 and they're like, Oh my God. And they're like, 00:07:16.060 --> 00:07:19.810 we both. did our tarot deck right before you 00:07:19.810 --> 00:07:24.589 got here. 350 cards. Each of them had 350 friggin 00:07:24.589 --> 00:07:27.949 cards in their hands and they each picked one 00:07:27.949 --> 00:07:30.850 card to kind of give them an intention on what 00:07:30.850 --> 00:07:32.889 they were going to be focusing on in the class. 00:07:34.170 --> 00:07:37.910 Well guys, I'll give you one guess. What number 00:07:37.910 --> 00:07:43.430 each of them pulled from each deck? Number 18. 00:07:44.810 --> 00:07:48.120 So as the night went on, And I was talking more 00:07:48.120 --> 00:07:51.939 and listening more. And at the end, the main 00:07:51.939 --> 00:07:55.240 woman was like, so Alana, when you feel your 00:07:55.240 --> 00:07:58.899 dad, are you seeing him? Are you feeling him? 00:07:59.000 --> 00:08:00.480 I look at her, I'm like, what? I'm like, no, 00:08:00.480 --> 00:08:02.639 I don't wanna see him. She goes, well, how would 00:08:02.639 --> 00:08:04.300 you feel you're communicating with him? She goes, 00:08:04.379 --> 00:08:08.180 I know you said signs through numbers. And I 00:08:08.180 --> 00:08:10.879 told her about music is a big thing. And I said, 00:08:11.399 --> 00:08:15.899 honestly, I hear him. I'm like, I literally like 00:08:15.899 --> 00:08:19.300 hear his voice. Like I hear his inflection. I 00:08:19.300 --> 00:08:21.519 hear his voice. And she's like, and she didn't 00:08:21.519 --> 00:08:23.000 flinch. She didn't think it was weird. She goes, 00:08:23.180 --> 00:08:25.360 okay. She goes, I'm sure you've heard of Claire 00:08:25.360 --> 00:08:27.980 Voyant. And I'm like, yeah. She goes, well, there's 00:08:27.980 --> 00:08:31.800 also something called Claire Audient. And if 00:08:31.800 --> 00:08:35.000 you guys look it up, it's really cool. And I 00:08:35.000 --> 00:08:38.490 think that's what I have. I mean. There's really 00:08:38.490 --> 00:08:41.950 no other explanation for this and I also think 00:08:41.950 --> 00:08:44.730 I'm only experiencing it because right now I'm 00:08:44.730 --> 00:08:48.049 in such a good place mentally Where I feel like 00:08:48.049 --> 00:08:51.350 if I were to get back into like a like like a 00:08:51.350 --> 00:08:54.409 lower place I don't think it would be there. 00:08:54.850 --> 00:08:58.289 Um Just like when I am hypomanic or even when 00:08:58.289 --> 00:09:01.730 I lived in California and I was healthy my intuition, 00:09:02.090 --> 00:09:05.490 my gut instincts, my creativity, everything is 00:09:05.490 --> 00:09:09.490 functioning on a much higher level. So it was 00:09:09.490 --> 00:09:11.730 just something that I really thought was so cool. 00:09:11.830 --> 00:09:14.610 And my youngest sister, Michelle, I haven't even 00:09:14.610 --> 00:09:16.509 actually even had this conversation with her, 00:09:16.750 --> 00:09:18.909 but this week she's texted me a couple of times. 00:09:18.950 --> 00:09:21.450 And one of the times was she said her daughter, 00:09:21.549 --> 00:09:25.090 the baby was in the... Crib in the other room 00:09:25.090 --> 00:09:27.929 and she woke up the baby woke up at like 6 in 00:09:27.929 --> 00:09:30.230 the morning and was just like Cooing and talking 00:09:30.230 --> 00:09:32.250 in there. So Michelle was and her husband Kevin 00:09:32.250 --> 00:09:35.169 were like laying in bed and My sister we call 00:09:35.169 --> 00:09:36.990 her moosh by the way So moosh said she was kind 00:09:36.990 --> 00:09:40.389 of falling back asleep and all of a sudden she 00:09:40.389 --> 00:09:45.509 said she swears she heard my dad's voice in The 00:09:45.509 --> 00:09:47.529 nursery like to the point where she literally 00:09:47.529 --> 00:09:50.070 jumped up and she's like sis I swear I thought 00:09:50.070 --> 00:09:51.750 I was gonna go in there and dad would be standing 00:09:51.750 --> 00:09:56.360 there And then just today, she texted and said 00:09:56.360 --> 00:09:59.960 that she's been feeling dad so much at work, 00:10:00.059 --> 00:10:01.899 like she's a social worker at a school, and I 00:10:01.899 --> 00:10:03.980 mentioned this before too. She absolutely loves 00:10:03.980 --> 00:10:06.820 her job, loves her job. And she said she literally 00:10:06.820 --> 00:10:11.080 heard my dad be like, Mooshi, again, he had nicknames 00:10:11.080 --> 00:10:13.200 for all of us. Mooshi, oh my God, this is what 00:10:13.200 --> 00:10:16.480 you get to do every day? Wow, baby girl, this 00:10:16.480 --> 00:10:20.720 is amazing. Wow, I'm so proud of you. And she's 00:10:20.720 --> 00:10:22.720 like, I literally heard him say this. And she 00:10:22.720 --> 00:10:24.559 said it through a text message. And it's also 00:10:24.559 --> 00:10:27.559 funny because a couple of days ago, she wrote 00:10:27.559 --> 00:10:29.700 a text saying something like, you know, I have 00:10:29.700 --> 00:10:33.059 zero psychic ability whatsoever, but dot, dot, 00:10:33.080 --> 00:10:36.980 dot about something else. So don't doubt yourself. 00:10:38.240 --> 00:10:40.240 That would be another takeaway I would say that 00:10:40.240 --> 00:10:42.419 we all need to, you know, to fucking, you know, 00:10:42.519 --> 00:10:46.440 think about. We're doubting ourselves and I'll 00:10:46.440 --> 00:10:48.559 tell you one thing. I would be doubting myself 00:10:48.559 --> 00:10:51.500 a lot more There's no way that this podcast would 00:10:51.500 --> 00:10:53.279 be happening right now or that I would be sitting 00:10:53.279 --> 00:10:55.899 right here right now If it wasn't for the chain 00:10:55.899 --> 00:10:58.259 of events that happened and how they happened, 00:10:58.460 --> 00:11:02.980 but the kickoff The pre -show which of the Super 00:11:02.980 --> 00:11:08.120 Bowl was my father suddenly passing away Out 00:11:08.120 --> 00:11:12.470 of nowhere, which nobody expected And that went 00:11:12.470 --> 00:11:16.789 into this chain of events, and it has led me 00:11:16.789 --> 00:11:19.789 to a place now where I'm trusting my intuition 00:11:19.789 --> 00:11:23.570 a lot. Yes, I'm trusting myself more, but I'm 00:11:23.570 --> 00:11:26.769 still relying on my dad to give me those signs. 00:11:26.830 --> 00:11:30.350 So like... for this podcast. I had no idea how 00:11:30.350 --> 00:11:32.309 to start a podcast. I didn't even know I wanted 00:11:32.309 --> 00:11:35.309 to start anything. I just wanted to be a motivational 00:11:35.309 --> 00:11:38.429 speaker. And I wanted the opportunity to go out 00:11:38.429 --> 00:11:40.470 there and speak to audiences and tell them a 00:11:40.470 --> 00:11:43.289 little bit about my story and give them a little 00:11:43.289 --> 00:11:46.090 hope. That's what I wanted. And I signed up for 00:11:46.090 --> 00:11:50.730 this course in order for me to land a TED talk, 00:11:51.129 --> 00:11:54.529 which if you know, you know. And then from there, 00:11:54.929 --> 00:11:57.850 they you have the opportunity to probably do 00:11:57.850 --> 00:12:00.110 more with your career. That's basically where 00:12:00.110 --> 00:12:02.889 this all started. And they had me do the social 00:12:02.889 --> 00:12:04.649 media. And guys, if I'm repeating myself, I'm 00:12:04.649 --> 00:12:06.590 so sorry, because I am a little bit out of it 00:12:06.590 --> 00:12:09.750 right now because of, you know, how I was drained, 00:12:09.929 --> 00:12:12.429 bloody murder, blood out of my effing veins a 00:12:12.429 --> 00:12:17.120 couple of hours ago. So they told me all about 00:12:17.120 --> 00:12:19.299 these social media platforms. I have to start 00:12:19.299 --> 00:12:23.159 in this and that and I'm like, oh god So I tried 00:12:23.159 --> 00:12:25.980 it and I kind of have it set up I guess but I 00:12:25.980 --> 00:12:28.179 can't figure out how to post I can't figure out 00:12:28.179 --> 00:12:30.720 how to how to link things together and people 00:12:30.720 --> 00:12:32.500 I'm like trying to send something to someone 00:12:32.500 --> 00:12:34.799 they're like it's deleted, you know, I'm like 00:12:34.799 --> 00:12:37.539 oh my god, and then I just happen to come across 00:12:37.539 --> 00:12:42.960 this website that Said you can create a podcast 00:12:42.960 --> 00:12:45.960 like so easily like $11 a month for like up to 00:12:45.960 --> 00:12:49.220 10 hours a month of Content, which of course 00:12:49.220 --> 00:12:51.259 in my head at that time was like, oh my god This 00:12:51.259 --> 00:12:53.559 is gonna be like I'm gonna have like five minute 00:12:53.559 --> 00:12:58.559 little clips So I may have to upgrade that But 00:12:58.559 --> 00:13:00.299 I'm looking at this website and I'm like, I don't 00:13:00.299 --> 00:13:01.980 know if I should do this I don't know if I should 00:13:01.980 --> 00:13:04.559 do this and I look down at the clock and it said 00:13:04.559 --> 00:13:10.559 218 and I'm like, all right down I'll try it. 00:13:11.299 --> 00:13:14.159 So I'm doing it and I'm going through and I'm 00:13:14.159 --> 00:13:16.320 the queen of like I start something on like a 00:13:16.320 --> 00:13:18.019 website and then like I get like two or three 00:13:18.019 --> 00:13:20.559 pages in and I get aggravated or I'll get like 00:13:20.559 --> 00:13:22.039 nervous and I'm like this doesn't sound this 00:13:22.039 --> 00:13:23.919 doesn't seem right and I'll just like X out of 00:13:23.919 --> 00:13:27.139 it but I kept going and I kept going and like 00:13:27.139 --> 00:13:29.840 the first charge for like the first month or 00:13:29.840 --> 00:13:36.000 whatever was 11 18 and 11 is also November and 00:13:36.000 --> 00:13:38.700 my dad's birthday is November, November 15th. 00:13:41.689 --> 00:13:44.809 so that's really how it started because then 00:13:44.809 --> 00:13:47.690 I recorded the first one and it was so easy to 00:13:47.690 --> 00:13:49.950 just record it on my phone like I'm doing now 00:13:49.950 --> 00:13:52.669 and then I just upload it and then I have fun 00:13:52.669 --> 00:13:55.110 like writing a blurb about it and finding a photo 00:13:55.110 --> 00:14:00.789 and this has just been so amazing and if I hadn't 00:14:00.789 --> 00:14:03.190 again like go back to all the different steps 00:14:03.190 --> 00:14:04.830 and I don't know at this point you guys are probably 00:14:04.830 --> 00:14:09.049 sick of hearing about all my stuff but I'm I 00:14:09.049 --> 00:14:13.230 want you guys to listen to my these things these 00:14:13.230 --> 00:14:16.629 pieces of my life piece by piece as Kelly Clarkson 00:14:16.629 --> 00:14:19.529 likes to say which that song keeps playing constantly 00:14:19.529 --> 00:14:22.090 too I'm like dad I get it I get it this is like 00:14:22.090 --> 00:14:24.269 piece by piece you're putting together your life 00:14:24.269 --> 00:14:26.970 you're making a podcast I get it dad I love you 00:14:26.970 --> 00:14:31.710 but I get it I hear the song over and over anyway 00:14:31.710 --> 00:14:36.629 so my my point is I want you guys to look at 00:14:36.629 --> 00:14:39.789 your own life Like everybody has these stories. 00:14:39.970 --> 00:14:43.490 Yes. Okay. I'm sure my stories are a little more 00:14:43.490 --> 00:14:46.490 extravagant than most, but it's also because 00:14:46.490 --> 00:14:48.649 of the kind of personality I have and the way 00:14:48.649 --> 00:14:52.289 that I tell stories. Like everyone's texting, 00:14:52.370 --> 00:14:53.529 you know, I'm getting, I'm hearing from people 00:14:53.529 --> 00:14:55.929 from 20 years ago. Oh my God, Alani is such a 00:14:55.929 --> 00:14:58.490 storyteller, which I love to hear because I love 00:14:58.490 --> 00:15:01.330 making people laugh. I love engaging people like 00:15:01.330 --> 00:15:05.110 that. I just said to my aunt, Cup like I don't 00:15:05.110 --> 00:15:07.070 even know when right after my dad passed away 00:15:07.070 --> 00:15:09.750 I said something like because my uncle my godfather 00:15:09.750 --> 00:15:11.710 my uncle Ron was like Alana, you know You really 00:15:11.710 --> 00:15:13.370 need to be a comedian, you know, you've got such 00:15:13.370 --> 00:15:16.049 great timing and I'm like, oh my god I'm like, 00:15:16.049 --> 00:15:17.909 you know, I love being on the stage but the thought 00:15:17.909 --> 00:15:21.269 of actually having to be up there in the like 00:15:21.269 --> 00:15:24.649 with the Expectation of getting laughs like as 00:15:24.649 --> 00:15:27.409 a comedian. I'm like that scares me to death 00:15:27.409 --> 00:15:29.110 That's probably like one of the only things I 00:15:29.110 --> 00:15:31.029 would be scared of I guess in my life really 00:15:31.029 --> 00:15:35.299 if if I really stop and think about it And he 00:15:35.299 --> 00:15:37.559 said something like, I don't know, he told me 00:15:37.559 --> 00:15:42.080 a story about when he did it. And I'm just thinking 00:15:42.080 --> 00:15:43.879 now, like I'm kind of making people laugh, but 00:15:43.879 --> 00:15:47.019 I'm not here to necessarily make you laugh, but 00:15:47.019 --> 00:15:50.740 maybe I kind of am. Anyway, I'm rambling. So 00:15:50.740 --> 00:15:53.460 yeah, so now I'm kind of doing something that 00:15:53.460 --> 00:15:56.259 like encapsulates everything. Like I don't have 00:15:56.259 --> 00:15:58.879 to leave my house or I do it in the car or whatever. 00:15:59.580 --> 00:16:02.379 You know, I'm able to kind of express myself 00:16:02.379 --> 00:16:04.700 however I want because I'm not necessarily in 00:16:04.700 --> 00:16:07.559 front of people staring at me, which is kind 00:16:07.559 --> 00:16:09.899 of nice, even though I still want to do this 00:16:09.899 --> 00:16:11.559 in front of an audience because there's also 00:16:11.559 --> 00:16:17.039 that piece. Piece by piece he collected me up 00:16:17.039 --> 00:16:20.720 off the ground where you abandon things. I'm 00:16:20.720 --> 00:16:22.659 like, as this song keeps playing, I go, dad. 00:16:22.830 --> 00:16:25.029 You were a really good dad. Like, I don't understand 00:16:25.029 --> 00:16:27.809 why you're playing me this song over and over 00:16:27.809 --> 00:16:30.149 and over. The father had nothing to do with her 00:16:30.149 --> 00:16:32.909 life. He showed up, God knows when, when she 00:16:32.909 --> 00:16:35.629 made all this money. And then the more it keeps 00:16:35.629 --> 00:16:37.570 coming on. And then my little Michelle called, 00:16:38.009 --> 00:16:39.570 texted me the one day and said something like, 00:16:39.730 --> 00:16:41.509 and she used those words piece by piece. She's 00:16:41.509 --> 00:16:43.110 like, Alana, you're putting yourself together, 00:16:43.269 --> 00:16:47.129 sis, piece by piece. And then I told her. So. 00:16:47.419 --> 00:16:49.519 But the whole point of what I was gonna say is 00:16:49.519 --> 00:16:53.000 everybody out there has your own story. So if 00:16:53.000 --> 00:16:57.019 you look back, we are now January 29th, 2026. 00:16:57.960 --> 00:17:00.879 How did we get here, each of us? How did I get 00:17:00.879 --> 00:17:03.440 here? Where was I a week ago? Where was I six 00:17:03.440 --> 00:17:07.559 months ago? And then the craziest part is you 00:17:07.559 --> 00:17:10.539 have to say, well, where am I going to be a week 00:17:10.539 --> 00:17:13.579 from now? And where am I gonna be six months 00:17:13.579 --> 00:17:17.039 from now? I'm gonna let you guys in on a little 00:17:17.039 --> 00:17:22.240 secret. I went on a website today inquiring about 00:17:22.240 --> 00:17:25.819 office space very close by next to actually the 00:17:25.819 --> 00:17:28.619 Serenity Yoga Studio. And I put in there that 00:17:28.619 --> 00:17:31.539 I might be looking for a small office space two 00:17:31.539 --> 00:17:35.940 to six months from now. And in my head, I'm like, 00:17:36.079 --> 00:17:38.539 well, I'm gonna need some sort of studio for 00:17:38.539 --> 00:17:43.059 this podcast. Again, I know nothing about anything. 00:17:43.299 --> 00:17:45.619 I have no idea. I think I would have to obviously 00:17:45.619 --> 00:17:47.559 hire someone. I don't know about equipment. I 00:17:47.559 --> 00:17:53.220 have no idea. But there's been podcasts over 00:17:53.220 --> 00:17:56.119 like the last six months that I really enjoy 00:17:56.119 --> 00:17:59.160 listening to and they really make a difference 00:17:59.160 --> 00:18:02.759 for me. And I can't think of the name of the 00:18:02.759 --> 00:18:04.160 one that I really want to mention. So I'm going 00:18:04.160 --> 00:18:06.339 to skip it for now and I'll bring it back up. 00:18:07.039 --> 00:18:09.000 The guy I think is from New Jersey though, you 00:18:09.000 --> 00:18:11.200 guys would probably know him. What was it called? 00:18:11.660 --> 00:18:14.220 He's like, he interviews all these people that 00:18:14.220 --> 00:18:15.759 have gone through struggles. Most of them are 00:18:15.759 --> 00:18:17.980 like drug addicts, because he used to be a drug 00:18:17.980 --> 00:18:22.220 addict. Let me see if I could find it. I really 00:18:22.220 --> 00:18:25.440 like him. Here it is, Rise Above. There it is. 00:18:25.859 --> 00:18:29.440 Rise Above. Okay, that cut me off. So if you 00:18:29.440 --> 00:18:31.660 guys didn't hear, it was Rise Above by Kevin 00:18:31.660 --> 00:18:36.579 Lanning. And it's great. So when I've heard podcasts, 00:18:36.819 --> 00:18:38.500 like when I am like putting them on my phone 00:18:38.500 --> 00:18:40.579 in the car, I've realized there's like a video 00:18:40.579 --> 00:18:42.619 that goes along with it. To be honest, guys, 00:18:42.720 --> 00:18:44.819 I don't really necessarily need to be on video. 00:18:44.980 --> 00:18:47.940 I mean, I really like it more this way, but I 00:18:47.940 --> 00:18:50.480 don't know. I don't know. And really, at the 00:18:50.480 --> 00:18:52.039 end of the day, I'm not really, like I said, 00:18:52.259 --> 00:18:54.519 looking to get famous or money or anything really. 00:18:54.599 --> 00:18:56.240 Like, again, if I can make a living off of it 00:18:56.240 --> 00:18:58.910 to some degree, yes. So I don't know if I have 00:18:58.910 --> 00:19:01.650 to do anything live, like in person. I don't 00:19:01.650 --> 00:19:04.369 know. But the point is, is that when I just said, 00:19:04.470 --> 00:19:06.950 where am I going to be six months from now, in 00:19:06.950 --> 00:19:09.150 my mind, I want to put something out into this 00:19:09.150 --> 00:19:11.890 universe that God and my dad and my angels can 00:19:11.890 --> 00:19:13.349 kind of look over and be like, all right, Ilana, 00:19:13.369 --> 00:19:16.450 now you put this in our head. Let us consider 00:19:16.450 --> 00:19:21.089 it and let us get back to you. And I ask all 00:19:21.089 --> 00:19:23.529 of you guys to do that today. So wherever you 00:19:23.529 --> 00:19:26.569 are, whenever you listen to this, I want you 00:19:26.569 --> 00:19:29.950 to basically, kind of like in yoga, set an intention. 00:19:30.910 --> 00:19:33.349 And instead of setting an intention for an hour 00:19:33.349 --> 00:19:36.809 yoga class, why don't we try to set an intention 00:19:36.809 --> 00:19:41.049 of where we think we want to be six months from 00:19:41.049 --> 00:19:47.309 today? Think about that. Journal about it. Text 00:19:47.309 --> 00:19:50.289 yourself. You want to know what my my texts look 00:19:50.289 --> 00:19:52.809 like in myself, like I have myself in my cell 00:19:52.809 --> 00:19:55.529 phone. It's constant. I mean, it's like a, it's 00:19:55.529 --> 00:19:57.849 like a cry. It's like a, what's that word? Like 00:19:57.849 --> 00:20:00.450 when you're obsessively texting somebody, like 00:20:00.450 --> 00:20:01.769 to the point, it's almost to the point where 00:20:01.769 --> 00:20:03.710 I have to actually block myself because I'm just 00:20:03.710 --> 00:20:05.849 sending myself so many text messages. But it's 00:20:05.849 --> 00:20:07.049 a good way. Cause then when you're just sitting 00:20:07.049 --> 00:20:09.210 around, like when you're like, Oh, like what 00:20:09.210 --> 00:20:11.589 have I been thinking? You just start going through 00:20:11.589 --> 00:20:15.359 those myself text messages. Text messages to 00:20:15.359 --> 00:20:16.940 myself. That's probably what I'm gonna call this 00:20:16.940 --> 00:20:20.819 actually um and you see like clips from tik -tok 00:20:20.819 --> 00:20:23.259 or little reminders that you sent yourself or 00:20:23.259 --> 00:20:27.420 screenshots or photos so send yourself something 00:20:27.420 --> 00:20:30.480 even if you don't have it in words send a couple 00:20:30.480 --> 00:20:33.559 pictures kind of like a vision board of where 00:20:33.559 --> 00:20:37.920 you think you want to be six months from now 00:20:37.920 --> 00:20:42.009 and hopefully guys We'll still be chatting six 00:20:42.009 --> 00:20:43.170 months from now. Hopefully this isn't gonna be 00:20:43.170 --> 00:20:45.210 like a Tinder relationship, where, you know, 00:20:45.250 --> 00:20:47.109 we've got all this back and forth, this love 00:20:47.109 --> 00:20:49.029 bombing that's going on right now, and then three 00:20:49.029 --> 00:20:50.730 days from now, all of a sudden, one of us is 00:20:50.730 --> 00:20:55.109 gonna ghost the other. So, anyway. That's that, 00:20:55.230 --> 00:20:57.109 guys. I think I'm definitely gonna be cashing 00:20:57.109 --> 00:20:59.529 in for today on the recordings. I have to go 00:20:59.529 --> 00:21:02.009 pick up my mom. I'm gonna say hi to Dan the man. 00:21:02.529 --> 00:21:04.670 Then Parker has a basketball game tonight, which 00:21:04.670 --> 00:21:06.750 I'm excited about. He hasn't had one in a while 00:21:06.750 --> 00:21:09.750 because of the snow. So I wish you guys all a 00:21:09.750 --> 00:21:13.170 really great rest of the day and night and wherever 00:21:13.170 --> 00:21:16.369 you are and whatever you're dealing with. Please, 00:21:16.849 --> 00:21:21.269 please, please remember. Oh, wait a minute. I 00:21:21.269 --> 00:21:23.170 just thought of something. This is what I wanted 00:21:23.170 --> 00:21:27.170 to share with you guys. Where is it? Oh, God. 00:21:28.210 --> 00:21:32.569 Where did I have it? I wrote a letter. to myself, 00:21:33.269 --> 00:21:37.170 from my dad. I wrote this letter, hold on guys, 00:21:37.710 --> 00:21:39.569 this is not, this is when you know that I really 00:21:39.569 --> 00:21:42.049 am not prepared for this. Let me see if I can 00:21:42.049 --> 00:21:44.789 read it from here. I don't know where it is guys, 00:21:44.789 --> 00:21:47.289 I'm gonna have to find it another day, but I 00:21:47.289 --> 00:21:49.049 had just seen it somewhere on my phone. Again, 00:21:49.049 --> 00:21:53.009 this is where it goes back to the friggin', what's 00:21:53.009 --> 00:21:56.069 it called, the social media. The social media, 00:21:56.069 --> 00:21:58.849 I don't know where all my ish is. Oh, here it 00:21:58.849 --> 00:22:01.000 is, okay. This is what I wrote. I don't even 00:22:01.000 --> 00:22:03.000 know what day this was. Oh, January 26. So just 00:22:03.000 --> 00:22:07.099 a couple of days ago at 4 15 p .m. and my dad's 00:22:07.099 --> 00:22:11.500 birthday is the 15th. It said, Dear Alana, it's 00:22:11.500 --> 00:22:15.400 me. It's dad. I know you're tired and you're 00:22:15.400 --> 00:22:19.440 sad and you feel so broken inside, but I want 00:22:19.440 --> 00:22:23.279 you to know I'll always be your North Star and 00:22:23.279 --> 00:22:28.069 I'm guiding you now even on TikTok. And in parentheses 00:22:28.069 --> 00:22:31.730 it says, you know, TikTok was always my favorite. 00:22:32.849 --> 00:22:36.670 I have a special birthday gift for you. I'm giving 00:22:36.670 --> 00:22:41.930 you the hope, H -O -P -E. I always knew you had 00:22:41.930 --> 00:22:46.789 inside. It's time to share your story. I want 00:22:46.789 --> 00:22:50.710 you to tell the parts that make you weep, the 00:22:50.710 --> 00:22:55.339 parts that make you laugh. and the parts that 00:22:55.339 --> 00:23:00.339 you wish you could forget. I want you to save 00:23:00.339 --> 00:23:05.380 lives, baby girl, because in so many ways, you 00:23:05.380 --> 00:23:13.180 saved mine. Love always, Dada. And guys, I'm 00:23:13.180 --> 00:23:16.160 telling you, I'm crying because it's like it's 00:23:16.160 --> 00:23:20.240 my dad talking to me and I heard him. say those 00:23:20.240 --> 00:23:23.400 words to me. And honestly, I think I wrote it 00:23:23.400 --> 00:23:25.079 down and I don't know if I ever even read it 00:23:25.079 --> 00:23:27.519 back to myself, because that just felt like it 00:23:27.519 --> 00:23:31.619 was the first time I was ever hearing it. So 00:23:31.619 --> 00:23:34.359 open your heart and open your minds and open 00:23:34.359 --> 00:23:36.799 your ears, guys, because there's got to be more 00:23:36.799 --> 00:23:41.660 to this effing world than just us here on this 00:23:41.660 --> 00:23:46.099 earth with all of this shit going on, good, bad, 00:23:46.299 --> 00:23:49.700 and indifferent. And I'm not talking about just 00:23:49.700 --> 00:23:52.119 necessarily on the news. I'm talking about within 00:23:52.119 --> 00:23:55.059 our own homes, within our own lives, within our 00:23:55.059 --> 00:23:59.220 own relationships. There's got to be more. And 00:23:59.220 --> 00:24:03.980 what is the harm in believing that there is more? 00:24:04.740 --> 00:24:07.680 What is the harm in me telling all of you out 00:24:07.680 --> 00:24:11.440 there that my father effing talks to me? What's 00:24:11.440 --> 00:24:16.549 the harm? Right? What harm is it doing? I know 00:24:16.549 --> 00:24:18.609 that I'm mentally healthy. I know this is not 00:24:18.609 --> 00:24:20.910 a hallucination. This is not when I thought the 00:24:20.910 --> 00:24:23.509 camera crews were filming me and I'm asking everybody 00:24:23.509 --> 00:24:26.910 in my life if they're paid actors to pretend 00:24:26.910 --> 00:24:30.390 to be in my life. That's not what this is. So 00:24:30.390 --> 00:24:36.150 I ask you again, open your eyes, open your heart. 00:24:36.349 --> 00:24:39.009 Open your ears because who knows maybe some of 00:24:39.009 --> 00:24:41.789 you are clairaudient to it talks about how a 00:24:41.789 --> 00:24:43.569 Thought will just pop in your head and you don't 00:24:43.569 --> 00:24:45.309 know where it came from. You know, it wasn't 00:24:45.309 --> 00:24:47.890 your thought So sometimes you don't actually 00:24:47.890 --> 00:24:50.529 know who the person is or what the person is 00:24:50.529 --> 00:24:52.890 or whatever but you come up with something in 00:24:52.890 --> 00:24:55.349 your mind that you really feel like was not yours 00:24:55.349 --> 00:25:00.650 and You can have that belief That maybe there's 00:25:00.650 --> 00:25:03.069 somebody out there that is trying to tell you 00:25:03.069 --> 00:25:08.349 something So in the meantime guys, thank you 00:25:08.349 --> 00:25:10.630 again for listening I'm hearing from so many 00:25:10.630 --> 00:25:12.950 of old friends and family and it's just like 00:25:12.950 --> 00:25:16.190 the best this is like the best thing besides 00:25:16.190 --> 00:25:19.690 my son I Think this might have been the best 00:25:19.690 --> 00:25:23.210 thing that I've ever ever created And I'm so 00:25:23.210 --> 00:25:26.069 happy right now and I love you guys all of you 00:25:26.069 --> 00:25:28.450 and I hope I'm making your day a little brighter 00:25:28.450 --> 00:25:31.250 Because we all deserve a little fucking sunshine 00:25:31.250 --> 00:25:37.220 around here Walking on sunshine, hey! Walking 00:25:37.220 --> 00:25:43.500 on sunshine, hey! Well, guys, it turns out that 00:25:43.500 --> 00:25:45.420 that little meditation I did before recording, 00:25:45.559 --> 00:25:49.880 I guess it worked. I'm feeling rejuvenized and 00:25:49.880 --> 00:25:53.900 refreshed. Okay, enough is enough. Gotta go. 00:25:54.359 --> 00:25:56.319 Have a great day, guys. Keep holding on to that 00:25:56.319 --> 00:26:00.480 hope. Hang on. Everyone, let's say it together. 00:26:00.900 --> 00:26:06.180 One, two, three. pain ends. Bye!