Ugh, guys, I'm back. It's like so crazy. I'm
like, all right, Alana, now you need to take
a break. Well, I'll have to start by telling
you that that last recording, Gypsy Rose, as
I called it, kicked my effing butterfly tattooed
ass. And... tried to take a nap after to like
recharge myself and I couldn't and I ate something
and then I'm trying to watch like a mindless
show on Netflix and I can't concentrate and I
just like happened to open up Instagram and like
there was this thing about energy and it said
like sometimes when somebody sucks out your energy
like when you're with someone or you're thinking
of someone or you're talking to someone on the
phone and they suck out your negative energy
I mean they suck out your energy like you need
to kind of ask God and ask the universe take
a few deep breaths and and ask to and and to
like picture yourself breathing back in like
light and white and fresh air and release that
negative energy and one of the things that I
remembered after you guys is like when was it
a couple months ago I think it was over the summer
um there was a lot of stuff going on and somehow
I got connected to a shaman like through a mutual
friend and I went and met with him just one time
he also asked for money but it wasn't a lot but
it was okay because obviously like he needs to
make a living somehow but the point was he told
me that as soon as he met me he felt this energy
field around me and not a positive one He actually
used the words that this girl on Instagram just
used. He said he had to put a cloak around himself
to protect himself from my negative aura and
my negative energy. And he actually brought up,
I believe, I could be mistaken, but I think he
brought it up before I even told him the story
of the psychic. He asked me if I had ever been
involved in any kind of black magic because he
saw that there really was something that was
that was hovering around me. Now, I may have
lost you guys at this point. Whatever you believe
in, I really don't care because this is me and
I'm just telling you about my life, but something
has shifted, which I'm sure you guys are aware,
something has shifted. I feel like everywhere
right now for some reason, but as far as my life,
something has definitely shifted for the better
for me, even though I had these. catastrophic
situations where my father passed away suddenly
and then I almost lost my mom and then I had
to leave my job. It's been really, really good
things. But let me tell you guys something. When
I finished recording that 50 minutes, going through
that story and reliving those emotions, I have
to tell you it... affected me. It affected me.
And it's so interesting to realize that things
can affect you profoundly that you don't even
realize you don't even realize the way they they
can affect you. Like I didn't just talk to this
woman. I didn't just see this woman. This was
an energy that was physically with me, but it
brought out so much emotion. So like now it makes
more sense. Like when you're grieving somebody
or when you break up with someone or when you're
going through a divorce, like you have, you're
locked in this dark place in this energy. You're
focusing on this person or situation that made
you feel so God awful and of course it's so hard
to get out of that and the only thing I can say
is you know for the last what god it hasn't even
been last Wednesday a week from yesterday was
the day that I had to go to work and meet with
my boss and we talked about the leave and I,
you know, packed up most of my stuff. And then,
so that was, it's only been like a week. And
I think I posted the first podcast episode maybe
on like Friday, I think. Because Saturday morning,
I remember I woke up and I heard my dad be like,
Zib, your life is about to change. Like I heard
him say that. Okay, since we talked about the
psychic, I think I can tell you guys a little
extra piece that might again make some of you
leave, but I think it's important for you guys
to understand so that you don't think I'm completely
out of my mind. But the night that my mom got
rushed to the hospital, I was at a group. It
was like a, I don't know how to explain it. It
wasn't a therapy group. I went on the website
Meetup. and it's like this really cool like app
if you guys want to try it it like gives you
all these different places that you could go
and like it could be like singles events which
is what I normally would do but it has all different
interests like hiking groups and book clubs and
all this stuff so one of the ones that I came
across was like a psychic slash medium type of
group now again the word psychic it It's a kind
of a trigger word for me, which is also kind
of ironic because my entire life up to the moment
where this woman Completely ripped me of my soul.
Oh A go -to word for me was always psychic like
if I would say something and then all of a sudden
we would see that person we'd all be like psychic
like it was just the thing that we would always
say and Because of that woman I stopped saying
it. So maybe I should fucking start saying it
again, you know, um So anyway, so I had gone
to this class And I was telling them and it was
great. I loved it was like 15 bucks So I know
I knew it wasn't a scam or anything and there
was like seven other women there and it was this
woman two women that were kind of running it
we did all these exercises and we talked about
like energies and this and that and I told them
all about my dad when I first walked in and I
sat with the two women I was like, oh hi like
and I told them quick quick synopsis of my dad.
I'm like, you know, I go, so I'm here. I'm like,
I'm very interested to find out. I go, cause
I really feel like I hear him and I'm, and I'm
like, I'm getting all these signs from him. And,
and I'm like, you know, like one of the signs
is 18, the number 18. And I was driving here
and I pulled in and it was 618. And it's the
number on the, on the building is 18. And they
both just like stared at me. And I'm like, uh,
and they're like, Oh my God. And they're like,
we both. did our tarot deck right before you
got here. 350 cards. Each of them had 350 friggin
cards in their hands and they each picked one
card to kind of give them an intention on what
they were going to be focusing on in the class.
Well guys, I'll give you one guess. What number
each of them pulled from each deck? Number 18.
So as the night went on, And I was talking more
and listening more. And at the end, the main
woman was like, so Alana, when you feel your
dad, are you seeing him? Are you feeling him?
I look at her, I'm like, what? I'm like, no,
I don't wanna see him. She goes, well, how would
you feel you're communicating with him? She goes,
I know you said signs through numbers. And I
told her about music is a big thing. And I said,
honestly, I hear him. I'm like, I literally like
hear his voice. Like I hear his inflection. I
hear his voice. And she's like, and she didn't
flinch. She didn't think it was weird. She goes,
okay. She goes, I'm sure you've heard of Claire
Voyant. And I'm like, yeah. She goes, well, there's
also something called Claire Audient. And if
you guys look it up, it's really cool. And I
think that's what I have. I mean. There's really
no other explanation for this and I also think
I'm only experiencing it because right now I'm
in such a good place mentally Where I feel like
if I were to get back into like a like like a
lower place I don't think it would be there.
Um Just like when I am hypomanic or even when
I lived in California and I was healthy my intuition,
my gut instincts, my creativity, everything is
functioning on a much higher level. So it was
just something that I really thought was so cool.
And my youngest sister, Michelle, I haven't even
actually even had this conversation with her,
but this week she's texted me a couple of times.
And one of the times was she said her daughter,
the baby was in the... Crib in the other room
and she woke up the baby woke up at like 6 in
the morning and was just like Cooing and talking
in there. So Michelle was and her husband Kevin
were like laying in bed and My sister we call
her moosh by the way So moosh said she was kind
of falling back asleep and all of a sudden she
said she swears she heard my dad's voice in The
nursery like to the point where she literally
jumped up and she's like sis I swear I thought
I was gonna go in there and dad would be standing
there And then just today, she texted and said
that she's been feeling dad so much at work,
like she's a social worker at a school, and I
mentioned this before too. She absolutely loves
her job, loves her job. And she said she literally
heard my dad be like, Mooshi, again, he had nicknames
for all of us. Mooshi, oh my God, this is what
you get to do every day? Wow, baby girl, this
is amazing. Wow, I'm so proud of you. And she's
like, I literally heard him say this. And she
said it through a text message. And it's also
funny because a couple of days ago, she wrote
a text saying something like, you know, I have
zero psychic ability whatsoever, but dot, dot,
dot about something else. So don't doubt yourself.
That would be another takeaway I would say that
we all need to, you know, to fucking, you know,
think about. We're doubting ourselves and I'll
tell you one thing. I would be doubting myself
a lot more There's no way that this podcast would
be happening right now or that I would be sitting
right here right now If it wasn't for the chain
of events that happened and how they happened,
but the kickoff The pre -show which of the Super
Bowl was my father suddenly passing away Out
of nowhere, which nobody expected And that went
into this chain of events, and it has led me
to a place now where I'm trusting my intuition
a lot. Yes, I'm trusting myself more, but I'm
still relying on my dad to give me those signs.
So like... for this podcast. I had no idea how
to start a podcast. I didn't even know I wanted
to start anything. I just wanted to be a motivational
speaker. And I wanted the opportunity to go out
there and speak to audiences and tell them a
little bit about my story and give them a little
hope. That's what I wanted. And I signed up for
this course in order for me to land a TED talk,
which if you know, you know. And then from there,
they you have the opportunity to probably do
more with your career. That's basically where
this all started. And they had me do the social
media. And guys, if I'm repeating myself, I'm
so sorry, because I am a little bit out of it
right now because of, you know, how I was drained,
bloody murder, blood out of my effing veins a
couple of hours ago. So they told me all about
these social media platforms. I have to start
in this and that and I'm like, oh god So I tried
it and I kind of have it set up I guess but I
can't figure out how to post I can't figure out
how to how to link things together and people
I'm like trying to send something to someone
they're like it's deleted, you know, I'm like
oh my god, and then I just happen to come across
this website that Said you can create a podcast
like so easily like $11 a month for like up to
10 hours a month of Content, which of course
in my head at that time was like, oh my god This
is gonna be like I'm gonna have like five minute
little clips So I may have to upgrade that But
I'm looking at this website and I'm like, I don't
know if I should do this I don't know if I should
do this and I look down at the clock and it said
218 and I'm like, all right down I'll try it.
So I'm doing it and I'm going through and I'm
the queen of like I start something on like a
website and then like I get like two or three
pages in and I get aggravated or I'll get like
nervous and I'm like this doesn't sound this
doesn't seem right and I'll just like X out of
it but I kept going and I kept going and like
the first charge for like the first month or
whatever was 11 18 and 11 is also November and
my dad's birthday is November, November 15th.
so that's really how it started because then
I recorded the first one and it was so easy to
just record it on my phone like I'm doing now
and then I just upload it and then I have fun
like writing a blurb about it and finding a photo
and this has just been so amazing and if I hadn't
again like go back to all the different steps
and I don't know at this point you guys are probably
sick of hearing about all my stuff but I'm I
want you guys to listen to my these things these
pieces of my life piece by piece as Kelly Clarkson
likes to say which that song keeps playing constantly
too I'm like dad I get it I get it this is like
piece by piece you're putting together your life
you're making a podcast I get it dad I love you
but I get it I hear the song over and over anyway
so my my point is I want you guys to look at
your own life Like everybody has these stories.
Yes. Okay. I'm sure my stories are a little more
extravagant than most, but it's also because
of the kind of personality I have and the way
that I tell stories. Like everyone's texting,
you know, I'm getting, I'm hearing from people
from 20 years ago. Oh my God, Alani is such a
storyteller, which I love to hear because I love
making people laugh. I love engaging people like
that. I just said to my aunt, Cup like I don't
even know when right after my dad passed away
I said something like because my uncle my godfather
my uncle Ron was like Alana, you know You really
need to be a comedian, you know, you've got such
great timing and I'm like, oh my god I'm like,
you know, I love being on the stage but the thought
of actually having to be up there in the like
with the Expectation of getting laughs like as
a comedian. I'm like that scares me to death
That's probably like one of the only things I
would be scared of I guess in my life really
if if I really stop and think about it And he
said something like, I don't know, he told me
a story about when he did it. And I'm just thinking
now, like I'm kind of making people laugh, but
I'm not here to necessarily make you laugh, but
maybe I kind of am. Anyway, I'm rambling. So
yeah, so now I'm kind of doing something that
like encapsulates everything. Like I don't have
to leave my house or I do it in the car or whatever.
You know, I'm able to kind of express myself
however I want because I'm not necessarily in
front of people staring at me, which is kind
of nice, even though I still want to do this
in front of an audience because there's also
that piece. Piece by piece he collected me up
off the ground where you abandon things. I'm
like, as this song keeps playing, I go, dad.
You were a really good dad. Like, I don't understand
why you're playing me this song over and over
and over. The father had nothing to do with her
life. He showed up, God knows when, when she
made all this money. And then the more it keeps
coming on. And then my little Michelle called,
texted me the one day and said something like,
and she used those words piece by piece. She's
like, Alana, you're putting yourself together,
sis, piece by piece. And then I told her. So.
But the whole point of what I was gonna say is
everybody out there has your own story. So if
you look back, we are now January 29th, 2026.
How did we get here, each of us? How did I get
here? Where was I a week ago? Where was I six
months ago? And then the craziest part is you
have to say, well, where am I going to be a week
from now? And where am I gonna be six months
from now? I'm gonna let you guys in on a little
secret. I went on a website today inquiring about
office space very close by next to actually the
Serenity Yoga Studio. And I put in there that
I might be looking for a small office space two
to six months from now. And in my head, I'm like,
well, I'm gonna need some sort of studio for
this podcast. Again, I know nothing about anything.
I have no idea. I think I would have to obviously
hire someone. I don't know about equipment. I
have no idea. But there's been podcasts over
like the last six months that I really enjoy
listening to and they really make a difference
for me. And I can't think of the name of the
one that I really want to mention. So I'm going
to skip it for now and I'll bring it back up.
The guy I think is from New Jersey though, you
guys would probably know him. What was it called?
He's like, he interviews all these people that
have gone through struggles. Most of them are
like drug addicts, because he used to be a drug
addict. Let me see if I could find it. I really
like him. Here it is, Rise Above. There it is.
Rise Above. Okay, that cut me off. So if you
guys didn't hear, it was Rise Above by Kevin
Lanning. And it's great. So when I've heard podcasts,
like when I am like putting them on my phone
in the car, I've realized there's like a video
that goes along with it. To be honest, guys,
I don't really necessarily need to be on video.
I mean, I really like it more this way, but I
don't know. I don't know. And really, at the
end of the day, I'm not really, like I said,
looking to get famous or money or anything really.
Like, again, if I can make a living off of it
to some degree, yes. So I don't know if I have
to do anything live, like in person. I don't
know. But the point is, is that when I just said,
where am I going to be six months from now, in
my mind, I want to put something out into this
universe that God and my dad and my angels can
kind of look over and be like, all right, Ilana,
now you put this in our head. Let us consider
it and let us get back to you. And I ask all
of you guys to do that today. So wherever you
are, whenever you listen to this, I want you
to basically, kind of like in yoga, set an intention.
And instead of setting an intention for an hour
yoga class, why don't we try to set an intention
of where we think we want to be six months from
today? Think about that. Journal about it. Text
yourself. You want to know what my my texts look
like in myself, like I have myself in my cell
phone. It's constant. I mean, it's like a, it's
like a cry. It's like a, what's that word? Like
when you're obsessively texting somebody, like
to the point, it's almost to the point where
I have to actually block myself because I'm just
sending myself so many text messages. But it's
a good way. Cause then when you're just sitting
around, like when you're like, Oh, like what
have I been thinking? You just start going through
those myself text messages. Text messages to
myself. That's probably what I'm gonna call this
actually um and you see like clips from tik -tok
or little reminders that you sent yourself or
screenshots or photos so send yourself something
even if you don't have it in words send a couple
pictures kind of like a vision board of where
you think you want to be six months from now
and hopefully guys We'll still be chatting six
months from now. Hopefully this isn't gonna be
like a Tinder relationship, where, you know,
we've got all this back and forth, this love
bombing that's going on right now, and then three
days from now, all of a sudden, one of us is
gonna ghost the other. So, anyway. That's that,
guys. I think I'm definitely gonna be cashing
in for today on the recordings. I have to go
pick up my mom. I'm gonna say hi to Dan the man.
Then Parker has a basketball game tonight, which
I'm excited about. He hasn't had one in a while
because of the snow. So I wish you guys all a
really great rest of the day and night and wherever
you are and whatever you're dealing with. Please,
please, please remember. Oh, wait a minute. I
just thought of something. This is what I wanted
to share with you guys. Where is it? Oh, God.
Where did I have it? I wrote a letter. to myself,
from my dad. I wrote this letter, hold on guys,
this is not, this is when you know that I really
am not prepared for this. Let me see if I can
read it from here. I don't know where it is guys,
I'm gonna have to find it another day, but I
had just seen it somewhere on my phone. Again,
this is where it goes back to the friggin', what's
it called, the social media. The social media,
I don't know where all my ish is. Oh, here it
is, okay. This is what I wrote. I don't even
know what day this was. Oh, January 26. So just
a couple of days ago at 4 15 p .m. and my dad's
birthday is the 15th. It said, Dear Alana, it's
me. It's dad. I know you're tired and you're
sad and you feel so broken inside, but I want
you to know I'll always be your North Star and
I'm guiding you now even on TikTok. And in parentheses
it says, you know, TikTok was always my favorite.
I have a special birthday gift for you. I'm giving
you the hope, H -O -P -E. I always knew you had
inside. It's time to share your story. I want
you to tell the parts that make you weep, the
parts that make you laugh. and the parts that
you wish you could forget. I want you to save
lives, baby girl, because in so many ways, you
saved mine. Love always, Dada. And guys, I'm
telling you, I'm crying because it's like it's
my dad talking to me and I heard him. say those
words to me. And honestly, I think I wrote it
down and I don't know if I ever even read it
back to myself, because that just felt like it
was the first time I was ever hearing it. So
open your heart and open your minds and open
your ears, guys, because there's got to be more
to this effing world than just us here on this
earth with all of this shit going on, good, bad,
and indifferent. And I'm not talking about just
necessarily on the news. I'm talking about within
our own homes, within our own lives, within our
own relationships. There's got to be more. And
what is the harm in believing that there is more?
What is the harm in me telling all of you out
there that my father effing talks to me? What's
the harm? Right? What harm is it doing? I know
that I'm mentally healthy. I know this is not
a hallucination. This is not when I thought the
camera crews were filming me and I'm asking everybody
in my life if they're paid actors to pretend
to be in my life. That's not what this is. So
I ask you again, open your eyes, open your heart.
Open your ears because who knows maybe some of
you are clairaudient to it talks about how a
Thought will just pop in your head and you don't
know where it came from. You know, it wasn't
your thought So sometimes you don't actually
know who the person is or what the person is
or whatever but you come up with something in
your mind that you really feel like was not yours
and You can have that belief That maybe there's
somebody out there that is trying to tell you
something So in the meantime guys, thank you
again for listening I'm hearing from so many
of old friends and family and it's just like
the best this is like the best thing besides
my son I Think this might have been the best
thing that I've ever ever created And I'm so
happy right now and I love you guys all of you
and I hope I'm making your day a little brighter
Because we all deserve a little fucking sunshine
around here Walking on sunshine, hey! Walking
on sunshine, hey! Well, guys, it turns out that
that little meditation I did before recording,
I guess it worked. I'm feeling rejuvenized and
refreshed. Okay, enough is enough. Gotta go.
Have a great day, guys. Keep holding on to that
hope. Hang on. Everyone, let's say it together.
One, two, three. pain ends. Bye!