WEBVTT

00:00:01.649 --> 00:00:05.809
Hey everybody, it's me again. By now I'm hoping

00:00:05.809 --> 00:00:09.449
that you have listened to the five people you

00:00:09.449 --> 00:00:12.609
meet on earth. I know it was longer than normal.

00:00:12.730 --> 00:00:15.410
Like I said, it kind of took a world of its own.

00:00:16.210 --> 00:00:18.730
And I have a lot of other things that I've kind

00:00:18.730 --> 00:00:21.269
of made a list about that I wanna chat about,

00:00:21.370 --> 00:00:23.789
but I don't wanna jump to something else until

00:00:23.789 --> 00:00:27.329
I kind of finish that story, that California

00:00:27.329 --> 00:00:29.350
experience. So first of all, I realized I never

00:00:29.350 --> 00:00:31.250
went back to the whole thing about the McDonald's

00:00:31.250 --> 00:00:33.229
snack wrap. The whole point of that was that

00:00:33.229 --> 00:00:36.189
my stomach was in complete shreds afterwards.

00:00:36.289 --> 00:00:40.149
And when I have gluten, whatever, I'm sharing

00:00:40.149 --> 00:00:42.409
a lot, so I don't care. But when I have gluten,

00:00:42.469 --> 00:00:46.570
I get these gigantic burps. Like gigantic you

00:00:46.570 --> 00:00:49.859
guys like like my son was like mommy, the neighbors

00:00:49.859 --> 00:00:51.600
are going to come and knock because you sound

00:00:51.600 --> 00:00:55.479
like a 500 pound man giving these burps that

00:00:55.479 --> 00:00:59.100
sound like and he imitates them. It's like, it's

00:00:59.100 --> 00:01:01.960
awful. It's God awful. And my stomach was so

00:01:01.960 --> 00:01:04.420
bad. I was taking pepsi. I was taking gas X.

00:01:05.040 --> 00:01:07.439
And the way that I started the podcast, I was

00:01:07.439 --> 00:01:09.379
going to tell you guys I also was warming up

00:01:09.379 --> 00:01:11.879
like one of those heating pads that you put in

00:01:11.879 --> 00:01:14.400
the microwave. I was going to lay down with it

00:01:14.400 --> 00:01:17.219
on my stomach. I haven't used it in a while.

00:01:17.219 --> 00:01:18.939
That was when I had my pinched nerve a couple

00:01:18.939 --> 00:01:20.920
months ago. I was using it for the pinched nerve.

00:01:21.519 --> 00:01:23.939
So I warm it up and I go in my room to put it

00:01:23.939 --> 00:01:25.700
on my stomach. And as I'm walking, I hear this

00:01:25.700 --> 00:01:27.239
like tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. I'm like,

00:01:27.280 --> 00:01:30.219
what is that? The thing had broken and there's

00:01:30.219 --> 00:01:33.239
little beads and seeds falling out of it all

00:01:33.239 --> 00:01:36.959
across the hallway going to my bedroom. So I

00:01:36.959 --> 00:01:38.920
was kind of annoyed. And that's when I was like,

00:01:39.239 --> 00:01:41.900
you know what? And that's when I thought of how

00:01:41.900 --> 00:01:43.659
I was feeling so sick. I'm like, you know, I

00:01:43.659 --> 00:01:47.400
should record about this. So we closed that loop.

00:01:47.700 --> 00:01:50.099
So that was really kind of the point of of that

00:01:50.099 --> 00:01:54.060
part of it. So we left off where basically I

00:01:54.060 --> 00:01:56.299
had that hypomanic episode after the breakup

00:01:56.299 --> 00:01:58.859
with my boyfriend and I was able to spend that

00:01:58.859 --> 00:02:03.159
summer traveling with the production company

00:02:03.159 --> 00:02:06.620
and just really being so successful and so happy.

00:02:07.319 --> 00:02:12.090
And at the end of that summer, Actually, my sister

00:02:12.090 --> 00:02:14.090
and my cousin, Daniella, who I mentioned earlier,

00:02:14.169 --> 00:02:16.229
and my sister Christina, who's the one that's

00:02:16.229 --> 00:02:18.169
two and a half years younger than me, they came

00:02:18.169 --> 00:02:20.949
out and visited me in June. So him and I broke

00:02:20.949 --> 00:02:24.449
up, I think, like the end of April. Oh, my God,

00:02:24.810 --> 00:02:27.889
which is so weird because that other boyfriend

00:02:27.889 --> 00:02:32.810
I had that I am still in love with, that the

00:02:32.810 --> 00:02:34.849
long distance, we also broke up the very end

00:02:34.849 --> 00:02:38.009
of April. Oh, God, I hope that's not a sign.

00:02:38.050 --> 00:02:42.449
But anyway. So we broke up in end of April. I

00:02:42.449 --> 00:02:45.110
got the apartment and then my sister my cousin

00:02:45.110 --> 00:02:49.909
came out and We had the best time Even though

00:02:49.909 --> 00:02:52.330
a weird story I picked them up from the airport

00:02:52.330 --> 00:02:55.030
and I brought them directly to this place Sharkies

00:02:55.030 --> 00:02:57.490
and Hermosa Beach and I'm sure any of my California

00:02:57.490 --> 00:02:59.550
friends that are listening or my New Jersey friends

00:02:59.550 --> 00:03:01.689
that are listening Remember that place because

00:03:01.689 --> 00:03:03.729
it was so much fun and like we would drink out

00:03:03.729 --> 00:03:06.710
of these like fishbowl friggin alcoholic beverages

00:03:06.710 --> 00:03:08.490
I don't even know how I wasn't like vomiting

00:03:08.490 --> 00:03:11.259
everywhere but it was so much fun. So we pull

00:03:11.259 --> 00:03:15.300
in, I pick them up from LAX and we pull in and

00:03:15.300 --> 00:03:18.479
my sister's like, like so bugsy looking through

00:03:18.479 --> 00:03:20.060
her like purse and she's like, oh my God, I don't

00:03:20.060 --> 00:03:22.680
have my wallet. And I'm like, what? And she's

00:03:22.680 --> 00:03:24.680
like, I don't have my wallet. And I'm like, well,

00:03:24.699 --> 00:03:27.419
where could it be? Now, mind you, looking back,

00:03:27.439 --> 00:03:30.020
I was like on like a heightened state because

00:03:30.020 --> 00:03:31.659
of like the hypomania, even though we didn't

00:03:31.659 --> 00:03:34.039
have any idea that's what it was, because you

00:03:34.039 --> 00:03:36.740
guys have to remember that hypomania is basically

00:03:37.500 --> 00:03:40.139
Like a step up for my normal personality. It

00:03:40.139 --> 00:03:42.620
just seems that I'm like just a little bit more

00:03:42.620 --> 00:03:46.460
energized but the big thing about hypomania and

00:03:46.460 --> 00:03:50.680
Mania is you get extremely irritable like extremely

00:03:50.680 --> 00:03:53.379
irritable like every little thing can set you

00:03:53.379 --> 00:03:55.639
off So I would be like laughing and telling the

00:03:55.639 --> 00:03:57.400
story one minute and if somebody interrupted

00:03:57.400 --> 00:03:59.439
me, I'd be like, excuse me I'm speaking. Did

00:03:59.439 --> 00:04:04.129
you not notice that I was speaking? so So we

00:04:04.129 --> 00:04:05.830
went back to the airport, and I don't remember

00:04:05.830 --> 00:04:08.009
the specifics, but listen to this crazy story,

00:04:08.069 --> 00:04:10.530
you guys. We go back to the airport. My sister

00:04:10.530 --> 00:04:13.590
and my cousin decided to get some sort of margarita

00:04:13.590 --> 00:04:15.229
on the plane, which is funny, because my sister

00:04:15.229 --> 00:04:17.689
really doesn't drink, but my cousin does. So

00:04:17.689 --> 00:04:19.790
they got a margarita, and I guess my sister took

00:04:19.790 --> 00:04:22.850
out her wallet to pay for it. We get back to

00:04:22.850 --> 00:04:25.930
the airport. We somehow track down the plane

00:04:25.930 --> 00:04:29.699
they were on. They tell us that the plane is

00:04:29.699 --> 00:04:32.740
still there, that it never had another flight

00:04:32.740 --> 00:04:34.660
afterwards, because it was like maybe they landed

00:04:34.660 --> 00:04:37.600
at like 6 p .m. They never had another flight

00:04:37.600 --> 00:04:40.459
afterwards. And this this man, this like Janet,

00:04:40.579 --> 00:04:42.480
not Janitor, but like some sort of maintenance

00:04:42.480 --> 00:04:45.379
man, offered to go back on the plane. She told

00:04:45.379 --> 00:04:48.579
him what seat she was in and he comes out with

00:04:48.579 --> 00:04:53.079
her effing wallet. Now, remember, she her ID

00:04:53.079 --> 00:04:55.199
was in there. Her money was in there like she

00:04:55.199 --> 00:04:58.339
wouldn't have been able to fly home. So I'm thinking

00:04:58.339 --> 00:05:00.819
about this now, again, a story I haven't thought

00:05:00.819 --> 00:05:02.680
about in forever. And my sister and cousin right

00:05:02.680 --> 00:05:04.240
now are probably like, oh my God, we haven't

00:05:04.240 --> 00:05:07.100
thought about this. And I called him an angel.

00:05:07.519 --> 00:05:09.100
I'll never forget, because they would tell the

00:05:09.100 --> 00:05:10.899
story that I like jumped up and I gave him this

00:05:10.899 --> 00:05:13.319
huge hug. And I was like, oh my God, you're an

00:05:13.319 --> 00:05:15.459
angel. You're an angel from above. You saved

00:05:15.459 --> 00:05:19.750
us. And then we had this like amazing. like long

00:05:19.750 --> 00:05:22.069
weekend together we went to this place guys what

00:05:22.069 --> 00:05:24.529
was that place called where we it was a sushi

00:05:24.529 --> 00:05:26.750
place but it was like a wild sushi place where

00:05:26.750 --> 00:05:29.550
you would you would sign up you would make a

00:05:29.550 --> 00:05:33.170
reservation and um it would be like a two or

00:05:33.170 --> 00:05:36.209
three hour like block that you were there and

00:05:36.209 --> 00:05:39.750
it was like a party it was like a huge like party

00:05:39.750 --> 00:05:41.230
and like you went there and I remember they gave

00:05:41.230 --> 00:05:44.449
you little kegs of Japanese beer on the table

00:05:44.449 --> 00:05:46.810
and when I went to California the first time

00:05:46.810 --> 00:05:48.790
I ever had sushi or anything was with these girls

00:05:48.790 --> 00:05:50.589
that I've told you guys about that I had just

00:05:50.589 --> 00:05:53.050
they just were the best and they took me to a

00:05:53.050 --> 00:05:55.589
sushi restaurant this is now backtracking and

00:05:55.589 --> 00:05:57.990
they're like oh we should do sake bombs and I'm

00:05:57.990 --> 00:05:59.529
like what's that and they're like oh my god you

00:05:59.529 --> 00:06:03.180
know what sake bombs are and again Don't even

00:06:03.180 --> 00:06:05.220
know I don't even think we were 21 at the time.

00:06:05.279 --> 00:06:06.920
I don't remember I have no idea how we were even

00:06:06.920 --> 00:06:09.339
doing this but we would be it so basically they

00:06:09.339 --> 00:06:11.060
explained to me that everybody gets like a little

00:06:11.060 --> 00:06:14.879
glass of Japanese beer and These little shot

00:06:14.879 --> 00:06:18.540
glasses of sake and you put these two Chopsticks

00:06:18.540 --> 00:06:22.480
on top of the glass and you put the shot on top

00:06:22.480 --> 00:06:26.120
of this the Chopsticks and then everybody says

00:06:26.120 --> 00:06:29.120
in unison guys like if this doesn't sound amazing.

00:06:29.120 --> 00:06:32.560
I don't know what does Everyone says in unison,

00:06:33.079 --> 00:06:36.579
Saki, Saki, Saki, bomb. And on bomb, everybody

00:06:36.579 --> 00:06:38.959
punches, like puts their fist down on the table,

00:06:39.160 --> 00:06:41.759
like slams on the table, and the shot glass falls

00:06:41.759 --> 00:06:44.600
into the beer, and you have to chug it, okay?

00:06:44.720 --> 00:06:47.480
And in like within 30 seconds, you're buzzed.

00:06:47.600 --> 00:06:51.000
And it was the best. Now, my 44 -year -old self,

00:06:51.040 --> 00:06:53.040
if I did it now, God knows what would happen.

00:06:53.060 --> 00:06:55.660
I'd probably end up in the hospital. But at the

00:06:55.660 --> 00:06:58.319
time, it was amazing. So this sushi place, this

00:06:58.319 --> 00:07:00.829
other place, Someone's gonna remember the name

00:07:00.829 --> 00:07:02.889
of it and then I'll put it in the blurb But it

00:07:02.889 --> 00:07:04.790
was this crazy place you'd wait in this long

00:07:04.790 --> 00:07:06.829
line But you'd have a reservation and for three

00:07:06.829 --> 00:07:09.430
hours you guys you would get like all this sushi

00:07:09.430 --> 00:07:11.589
to the table they'd bring out the kegs of the

00:07:11.589 --> 00:07:14.269
sock of the Japanese beer and everyone would

00:07:14.269 --> 00:07:18.310
do sake bombs and then they'd have these Performances

00:07:18.310 --> 00:07:20.550
were like all of a sudden the backstreet boys

00:07:20.550 --> 00:07:22.529
would come out into the middle of the restaurant

00:07:22.529 --> 00:07:25.509
the lights would go down and All these lights

00:07:25.509 --> 00:07:28.069
would be going in everybody's on the chairs dancing

00:07:28.069 --> 00:07:32.759
and screaming It is the absolute best thing,

00:07:32.759 --> 00:07:35.279
I think one of the best I've ever experienced.

00:07:36.000 --> 00:07:38.100
And this is so funny because I was just driving

00:07:38.100 --> 00:07:41.759
and this has just brought out such an inspiration

00:07:41.759 --> 00:07:45.339
to me like in myself. And I was thinking I had

00:07:45.339 --> 00:07:47.660
these like daydreams of grandeur like, oh my

00:07:47.660 --> 00:07:50.459
God, imagine if like this message really starts

00:07:50.459 --> 00:07:53.180
to like spread like wildfire, like this message

00:07:53.180 --> 00:07:56.160
of hope. And I'm able to like go and get like

00:07:56.160 --> 00:07:58.720
interviewed, like whether it be on a podcast

00:07:58.720 --> 00:08:01.180
or like a news station or something. And I said

00:08:01.180 --> 00:08:03.740
to myself, if that ever happens to me, I'm going

00:08:03.740 --> 00:08:06.620
to pull an Ellen DeGeneres like she used to do

00:08:06.620 --> 00:08:09.459
on her show. And after the interview or maybe

00:08:09.459 --> 00:08:12.709
even before, I want to have a dance party. I

00:08:12.709 --> 00:08:15.629
wanna bring a music set list, like a couple songs,

00:08:15.689 --> 00:08:18.329
like it'll be different every time. And I'm gonna

00:08:18.329 --> 00:08:20.410
tell these people ahead of time, wear your frigging

00:08:20.410 --> 00:08:22.889
dancing shoes, make sure you dress comfortable,

00:08:23.050 --> 00:08:27.370
and we're gonna have a dance party. And maybe

00:08:27.370 --> 00:08:29.389
that was my subconscious realizing I was gonna

00:08:29.389 --> 00:08:33.330
talk about this place, but it was so much fun.

00:08:33.370 --> 00:08:36.210
So they were there for the week and looking back

00:08:36.210 --> 00:08:39.899
on them visiting. It's funny because we have

00:08:39.899 --> 00:08:42.320
video or something and you hear me talking in

00:08:42.320 --> 00:08:44.779
the background because I arranged this this night

00:08:44.779 --> 00:08:47.840
for us. I arranged the sushi thing and then we

00:08:47.840 --> 00:08:50.000
all went back to my little studio apartment and

00:08:50.000 --> 00:08:53.419
had like this big party and it's funny because

00:08:53.419 --> 00:08:56.340
my sister is a homebody. She's always been. She's

00:08:56.340 --> 00:08:58.940
not a party girl, not a party animal to the point

00:08:58.940 --> 00:09:00.799
where when I came back from my freshman year

00:09:00.799 --> 00:09:02.879
of college, I had to go through my photo album

00:09:02.879 --> 00:09:05.360
and pull out the pictures of me with drinks with

00:09:05.360 --> 00:09:08.750
beer because she would get mad at me. So we're

00:09:08.750 --> 00:09:11.049
in the middle of this, like there's like 15 people

00:09:11.049 --> 00:09:13.090
in my apartment. Everyone's drinking. We probably

00:09:13.090 --> 00:09:15.649
like ordered pizzas. And all of a sudden, my

00:09:15.649 --> 00:09:18.769
sister pulls down the Murphy bed, goes in the

00:09:18.769 --> 00:09:21.350
bathroom, puts on her pajamas. She's brushing

00:09:21.350 --> 00:09:22.950
her teeth and she comes out and she's like, all

00:09:22.950 --> 00:09:24.970
right, guys, well, I'm ready to, you know, say

00:09:24.970 --> 00:09:27.649
good night. And it was just so funny. And me

00:09:27.649 --> 00:09:29.169
and my cousin still talk about it because she

00:09:29.169 --> 00:09:30.990
ended up still staying late night, my cousin

00:09:30.990 --> 00:09:33.710
with one of the fellas just like chatting for

00:09:33.710 --> 00:09:36.009
the rest of the night. So that's kind of how

00:09:36.009 --> 00:09:40.090
my summer kicked off. Now this was, yeah, this

00:09:40.090 --> 00:09:42.990
was 2005. So this was how it kicked off. And

00:09:42.990 --> 00:09:45.370
then I had the summer of an amazing experience

00:09:45.370 --> 00:09:48.190
working on this production, production company.

00:09:48.210 --> 00:09:51.210
And then the end of the summer in August, my

00:09:51.210 --> 00:09:54.210
four best friends from William Patterson, AKA

00:09:54.210 --> 00:09:56.909
Willie P. I think it was four of them, right?

00:09:56.990 --> 00:10:01.750
Girls are five. Corey, Sarah, Tina, and Elena.

00:10:02.690 --> 00:10:04.730
So it was the four of them. God, I hope I'm not

00:10:04.730 --> 00:10:06.289
forgetting someone. Yeah, it was the four of

00:10:06.289 --> 00:10:08.870
them. So they come out, and one of the things

00:10:08.870 --> 00:10:10.929
that we were obsessed with in college, and I

00:10:10.929 --> 00:10:12.850
will tell you, I was kind of obsessed my whole

00:10:12.850 --> 00:10:16.470
life, was psychics. Because my mom always believed

00:10:16.470 --> 00:10:18.210
in psychics, and she used to have these psychic

00:10:18.210 --> 00:10:20.730
parties where a psychic would come to the house,

00:10:20.990 --> 00:10:23.110
and we'd put the psychic in one of the bedrooms,

00:10:23.149 --> 00:10:25.429
and they'd do these one -on -one readings. And

00:10:25.429 --> 00:10:27.509
I'll never forget, I snuck into the bedroom the

00:10:27.509 --> 00:10:30.610
one time under the bed. I probably found my frigging

00:10:30.610 --> 00:10:33.269
punished stuffed animal under there, but I was

00:10:33.269 --> 00:10:34.740
under... the bed and I'm like oh my god I'm gonna

00:10:34.740 --> 00:10:36.240
hear this reading and all of a sudden the guy

00:10:36.240 --> 00:10:38.720
the psychics like um I'm sorry there's another

00:10:38.720 --> 00:10:40.860
person in this room right now I'm not gonna be

00:10:40.860 --> 00:10:43.039
able to do this reading and then I remember I

00:10:43.039 --> 00:10:45.019
like came out I'm like oh sorry I was just looking

00:10:45.019 --> 00:10:47.860
for something and my mom got so mad at me so

00:10:47.860 --> 00:10:50.799
I was always into psychics and I always felt

00:10:50.799 --> 00:10:53.299
that I had like a little something like I like

00:10:53.299 --> 00:10:56.059
to call it now more of like a sixth sense because

00:10:56.059 --> 00:10:58.100
I don't like to use the word psychic and you'll

00:10:58.100 --> 00:11:02.070
find out why in a little bit um So I always felt

00:11:02.070 --> 00:11:05.370
that and anytime I did get read by like any kind

00:11:05.370 --> 00:11:07.830
of psychic they usually did bring that up They're

00:11:07.830 --> 00:11:10.610
like, you know, you feel that you do have a gift

00:11:10.610 --> 00:11:12.529
and they would always say the same thing like

00:11:12.529 --> 00:11:14.909
you don't know how to harness it and You know,

00:11:14.909 --> 00:11:16.929
it makes you anxious a lot of the times like

00:11:16.929 --> 00:11:19.929
you need to tap into it all this stuff So we

00:11:19.929 --> 00:11:21.669
would go to these psychics and there's a story.

00:11:21.669 --> 00:11:23.509
Oh my god, you got girls. Do you remember this?

00:11:23.509 --> 00:11:26.169
We were in like the Willowbrook mall Okay, because

00:11:26.169 --> 00:11:28.070
again, we're in college. College days we went

00:11:28.070 --> 00:11:30.210
to the mall. That was like the thing to do. We're

00:11:30.210 --> 00:11:32.370
in the mall and it's like we would have just

00:11:32.370 --> 00:11:34.149
been walking around like with suckers written

00:11:34.149 --> 00:11:36.190
on our forehead. We're in the middle of the mall.

00:11:36.389 --> 00:11:38.669
Some woman walks up to us and she's like, hello

00:11:38.669 --> 00:11:43.090
girls. Would you like a psychic reading? And

00:11:43.090 --> 00:11:45.470
we're like, yeah, we love psychics. And she's

00:11:45.470 --> 00:11:49.460
like, okay, follow me to my house. And we all

00:11:49.460 --> 00:11:52.139
get in like probably Sarah's like hooptie car

00:11:52.139 --> 00:11:55.179
and we follow this woman to her house I don't

00:11:55.179 --> 00:11:57.539
remember what town it was we go into her house

00:11:57.539 --> 00:12:00.460
There's all these weird like family members there

00:12:00.460 --> 00:12:02.980
and I remember it was like really like musty

00:12:02.980 --> 00:12:06.580
and like weird and She gave us all these like

00:12:06.580 --> 00:12:09.220
readings and then we all had to pay her in like

00:12:09.220 --> 00:12:11.519
checks Because I don't think there was debit

00:12:11.519 --> 00:12:14.320
card or whatever and I'll never forget Corey

00:12:14.320 --> 00:12:17.490
was dating Polly at the time, which is her love

00:12:17.490 --> 00:12:20.090
of her life and they're married with two beautiful

00:12:20.090 --> 00:12:23.470
twin boys and I remember she told us later that

00:12:23.470 --> 00:12:25.350
she like told him and he's like are you guys

00:12:25.350 --> 00:12:28.309
out of your effing minds and she's telling us

00:12:28.309 --> 00:12:29.870
this and we're all the four the four or five

00:12:29.870 --> 00:12:33.309
of us are like Why like why is that weird? You

00:12:33.309 --> 00:12:36.149
know, like we never had that concept of like

00:12:36.149 --> 00:12:39.909
We could be in a dangerous situation Another

00:12:39.909 --> 00:12:42.070
part of this is when we used to go to the frat

00:12:42.070 --> 00:12:44.450
parties, because William Patterson is in Wayne,

00:12:44.490 --> 00:12:46.409
New Jersey, which is a very, very nice town,

00:12:46.649 --> 00:12:50.210
but right next to Patterson, New Jersey, which...

00:12:50.110 --> 00:12:52.529
We got, we were lost because again, there's no

00:12:52.529 --> 00:12:54.970
GPS. We were going to like an eighties party.

00:12:55.190 --> 00:12:58.049
We all were dressed to the nines, glitter, crimped

00:12:58.049 --> 00:13:01.190
hair, like wild clothes. And we got lost. Sarah

00:13:01.190 --> 00:13:03.730
was driving again, the hoopty. And we got lost

00:13:03.730 --> 00:13:05.529
in the middle of the Patterson. And this cop

00:13:05.529 --> 00:13:07.570
pulls us over and he comes to the window and

00:13:07.570 --> 00:13:09.529
sees like four or five of us smushed in this

00:13:09.529 --> 00:13:12.210
car with like glitter on our faces. And he's

00:13:12.210 --> 00:13:15.529
like, um, girls, do you know where you are? And

00:13:15.529 --> 00:13:18.509
we're like, um, we're looking. for the teak frat

00:13:18.509 --> 00:13:20.710
house, which mind you, frat houses are illegal

00:13:20.710 --> 00:13:22.990
in New Jersey. So like one of us said that, I

00:13:22.990 --> 00:13:24.610
think it was Sarah, and then like Corey or whatever,

00:13:24.649 --> 00:13:25.850
like slapped her on the arm. They're like, oh,

00:13:25.889 --> 00:13:28.809
we're just like going to a party. He goes, well,

00:13:28.889 --> 00:13:32.370
you're in the sewer of the state right now. And

00:13:32.370 --> 00:13:33.830
we're just like, what? And he's like, you're

00:13:33.830 --> 00:13:36.870
in Patterson. You need to get out of here. And

00:13:36.870 --> 00:13:40.330
again, even looking back, it's like, oh, okay.

00:13:40.429 --> 00:13:42.110
And then we found our party and we never thought

00:13:42.110 --> 00:13:45.649
anything of it. So they come to visit me the

00:13:45.649 --> 00:13:49.830
end of August and It was amazing and we did I

00:13:49.830 --> 00:13:51.730
think we did the sushi place again And we just

00:13:51.730 --> 00:13:54.370
did all of these things and I remember I took

00:13:54.370 --> 00:13:57.250
them to like a sex shop which looking back again

00:13:57.250 --> 00:13:59.789
I think at the time that was part of the hypomania

00:13:59.789 --> 00:14:03.629
because even though thank God I did not like

00:14:03.629 --> 00:14:07.629
I didn't have that manic symptom where you literally

00:14:07.629 --> 00:14:09.990
can just like go and sleep with everybody and

00:14:10.120 --> 00:14:12.500
It's really bad and some people got themselves

00:14:12.500 --> 00:14:14.299
in a lot of trouble some people throughout their

00:14:14.299 --> 00:14:16.860
life because of that So I didn't have that but

00:14:16.860 --> 00:14:18.740
I definitely had a little bit more of a height

00:14:18.740 --> 00:14:20.700
in sexuality because that's something I would

00:14:20.700 --> 00:14:22.940
have never done normally But we went to the sex

00:14:22.940 --> 00:14:25.659
shop. So we go to the sex shop and we're walking

00:14:25.659 --> 00:14:27.639
now I will tell you guys right now. I wish I

00:14:27.639 --> 00:14:30.039
could give the address of this psychic I really

00:14:30.039 --> 00:14:32.759
wish I could I know she was in West Hollywood

00:14:32.759 --> 00:14:34.440
because we were close to where I used to work

00:14:34.440 --> 00:14:37.299
close to Barney's which I think is closed now

00:14:37.299 --> 00:14:41.360
and We were walking down the street And once

00:14:41.360 --> 00:14:43.980
again, and I think, again, it's very interesting.

00:14:44.179 --> 00:14:47.019
I think some of these people do have a gift to

00:14:47.019 --> 00:14:49.299
a certain degree where they can kind of catch

00:14:49.299 --> 00:14:52.200
the eye of someone or a group and be like, you

00:14:52.200 --> 00:14:54.659
know, they might be good for me to approach.

00:14:55.220 --> 00:14:57.179
So she was on the younger side and she comes

00:14:57.179 --> 00:14:58.820
up and she's like, hi girls, like, do you want

00:14:58.820 --> 00:15:02.000
a psychic reading? So we go into her little like,

00:15:02.019 --> 00:15:06.840
like. um storefront place and the four of us

00:15:06.840 --> 00:15:08.480
or the five of us yeah because it was four of

00:15:08.480 --> 00:15:11.080
them and then me we each get these psychic readings

00:15:11.080 --> 00:15:15.460
and her name was Raquel okay and we each got

00:15:15.460 --> 00:15:17.700
the reading and none of us really talked about

00:15:17.700 --> 00:15:19.419
the readings looking back that's kind of weird

00:15:19.419 --> 00:15:22.600
because we always normally would um which makes

00:15:22.600 --> 00:15:24.820
me think at the time she probably gave us each

00:15:24.820 --> 00:15:26.440
the message like you know i don't want you to

00:15:26.440 --> 00:15:28.080
talk about this like this is something for you

00:15:28.080 --> 00:15:31.159
to know for yourself And I remember as I was

00:15:31.159 --> 00:15:33.139
walking out, she gave me her business card and

00:15:33.139 --> 00:15:35.220
she's like, listen, if you ever need anything

00:15:35.220 --> 00:15:37.480
or you want to come back, please call me. She

00:15:37.480 --> 00:15:39.179
goes, they told me that they're not from here,

00:15:39.179 --> 00:15:41.620
that they're just visiting you. So, you know,

00:15:41.620 --> 00:15:45.639
I'm here if you need me. So we leave and the

00:15:45.639 --> 00:15:48.659
trip was wonderful. And when they left, you guys,

00:15:48.700 --> 00:15:51.639
that was the first time since I had ever been

00:15:51.639 --> 00:15:55.820
in California that I felt immediate homesickness.

00:15:55.919 --> 00:15:59.710
And I was really, really sad. when they left.

00:16:01.070 --> 00:16:05.649
And this was obviously before therapy and before

00:16:05.649 --> 00:16:07.690
other things where maybe I would have had some

00:16:07.690 --> 00:16:11.149
better resources. But I felt like I could never

00:16:11.149 --> 00:16:13.429
tell my family that I was homesick or that I

00:16:13.429 --> 00:16:15.730
missed them because they were sad that I wasn't

00:16:15.730 --> 00:16:19.110
there. So I was kind of like in this place very

00:16:19.110 --> 00:16:23.340
alone. And then things started changing at work.

00:16:23.580 --> 00:16:26.120
I remember again now there's not the traveling

00:16:26.120 --> 00:16:27.820
like I always seem to do better I guess when

00:16:27.820 --> 00:16:30.700
I was out on the road with the shows So now I'm

00:16:30.700 --> 00:16:33.980
back in the office and that huge hero project

00:16:33.980 --> 00:16:36.860
that I worked on that I loved Never got picked

00:16:36.860 --> 00:16:40.480
up So that was kind of a blow and then now I'm

00:16:40.480 --> 00:16:42.399
back in the in the casting department at the

00:16:42.399 --> 00:16:44.139
office And there's just like not much going on

00:16:44.139 --> 00:16:47.320
So again, we're talking about these highs these

00:16:47.320 --> 00:16:52.000
super super highs and then these lows So after

00:16:52.000 --> 00:16:54.620
like maybe a week or two that they had left,

00:16:54.860 --> 00:16:59.200
I'm like at my apartment, it's quiet. And I come

00:16:59.200 --> 00:17:02.100
across the business card of the psychic Raquel.

00:17:02.159 --> 00:17:04.819
And I'm like, you know, I'm like, maybe I should

00:17:04.819 --> 00:17:06.420
call her. And I remember I had like a little

00:17:06.420 --> 00:17:08.920
Samsung like flip phone. I'll never forget this.

00:17:09.000 --> 00:17:12.519
It was silver. And I call her and she answers

00:17:12.519 --> 00:17:14.339
the phone. I'm like, hi, Raquel. My name's Alana.

00:17:14.460 --> 00:17:17.349
I met you a couple of weeks. Oh, Alana. I was

00:17:17.349 --> 00:17:19.390
just thinking about you. I had a feeling you

00:17:19.390 --> 00:17:21.730
were going to call me. So of course, in my mind,

00:17:21.809 --> 00:17:24.579
I'm like, oh my God, she really is psychic. So

00:17:24.579 --> 00:17:26.680
she's like, oh, come on in, you know, we'll talk.

00:17:26.720 --> 00:17:28.859
So I went in, like she again, she was right by

00:17:28.859 --> 00:17:31.920
my work. So I went like after work one day and

00:17:31.920 --> 00:17:33.359
she's like, don't worry, I'm not going to charge

00:17:33.359 --> 00:17:35.180
you for this. And the charge for that first reading

00:17:35.180 --> 00:17:37.539
was like 40 bucks, which is like nothing. So

00:17:37.539 --> 00:17:38.660
she's like, don't worry, I'm not going to charge

00:17:38.660 --> 00:17:40.259
you for this. Like, I just want to check in.

00:17:40.259 --> 00:17:42.420
Like I've been feeling your energy. You know,

00:17:42.420 --> 00:17:45.380
I know that you are here by yourself. And so

00:17:45.380 --> 00:17:47.839
it was almost like kind of like therapy. And

00:17:47.839 --> 00:17:51.000
we talked and it came up that she did feel like

00:17:51.000 --> 00:17:56.490
that. I probably had some sort of gift. And she

00:17:56.490 --> 00:17:59.990
felt that I was struggling with work and that

00:17:59.990 --> 00:18:02.829
I was struggling with relationships. And again,

00:18:03.009 --> 00:18:04.089
you're hearing this and you're probably like,

00:18:04.150 --> 00:18:06.210
well, anyone could say that to anyone and you're

00:18:06.210 --> 00:18:09.029
absolutely right. But because I was in the mental

00:18:09.029 --> 00:18:11.470
state that I was, and I'm not talking necessarily

00:18:11.470 --> 00:18:14.410
hypomanic, because at this point, looking back,

00:18:14.490 --> 00:18:18.329
I was very much in between episodes. So I wasn't

00:18:18.329 --> 00:18:21.170
hypomanic and I wasn't in a full depression.

00:18:21.689 --> 00:18:24.809
I was somewhere in between, but I wasn't healthy.

00:18:25.009 --> 00:18:26.950
I wasn't stable. That's how I would describe

00:18:26.950 --> 00:18:30.789
it. So I meet with her that day and I leave and

00:18:30.789 --> 00:18:32.210
I'm like, oh, I feel like a little bit better.

00:18:32.309 --> 00:18:35.210
And she calls me like the next day and she's

00:18:35.210 --> 00:18:38.089
like, Alana, I need to see you. It's very important.

00:18:39.029 --> 00:18:41.250
So I'm like, oh my God. So I go there after work

00:18:41.250 --> 00:18:43.269
and she sits me down and she's like, listen.

00:18:43.480 --> 00:18:46.440
I had a vision that came to me and she talked

00:18:46.440 --> 00:18:48.920
a lot about her church like she like Psychics

00:18:48.920 --> 00:18:51.079
talk about this church that they're part of some

00:18:51.079 --> 00:18:53.400
of them do she talked about it a lot So she goes

00:18:53.400 --> 00:18:55.440
listen I had this vision that came to me last

00:18:55.440 --> 00:18:57.559
night and I have to tell you what it was I'm

00:18:57.559 --> 00:19:01.400
like, okay She goes when your mother was pregnant

00:19:01.400 --> 00:19:05.000
with you there was a woman that wanted to be

00:19:05.000 --> 00:19:08.519
with your father and I'm like what and she's

00:19:08.519 --> 00:19:14.269
like, yes and she put black magic curse on your

00:19:14.269 --> 00:19:19.430
mother, but instead it went on to you. And you

00:19:19.430 --> 00:19:22.809
have had this curse for all of this time of your

00:19:22.809 --> 00:19:25.230
life. And that is why you have not been able

00:19:25.230 --> 00:19:28.910
to hold on to relationships. It's why you feel

00:19:28.910 --> 00:19:32.450
very in flux and things are great and then things

00:19:32.450 --> 00:19:37.480
are horrible. And I wanna help you. I'm like,

00:19:37.759 --> 00:19:40.359
oh my, again, you guys like, even if you guys

00:19:40.359 --> 00:19:42.000
are now strangers listening to this, I think

00:19:42.000 --> 00:19:45.420
at this point, if you've listened to all my episodes,

00:19:45.519 --> 00:19:47.240
you like are getting a feel for my personality.

00:19:47.539 --> 00:19:49.720
So you could just picture my eyes are wide. I'm

00:19:49.720 --> 00:19:52.160
like, oh my God, Raquel, what do we have to do?

00:19:52.200 --> 00:19:55.920
Tell me, this all makes so much sense. So she's

00:19:55.920 --> 00:19:59.779
like, I have to do candle work on you. I have

00:19:59.779 --> 00:20:02.759
to do it with my church. My church needs to be

00:20:02.759 --> 00:20:05.400
involved in this because this is a very, very

00:20:05.400 --> 00:20:09.799
heavy black curse on you. But we need to do it

00:20:09.799 --> 00:20:13.039
immediately. So I'm like, OK. She's like, now

00:20:13.039 --> 00:20:16.160
it is going to cost a little bit of money. So

00:20:16.160 --> 00:20:18.220
I'm like, OK, well, I mean, I don't have much

00:20:18.220 --> 00:20:21.500
money. And she's like, well, this is going to

00:20:21.500 --> 00:20:25.859
be thirty eight hundred dollars. So I'm like,

00:20:26.079 --> 00:20:28.859
what? I go, I don't have that kind of money.

00:20:28.920 --> 00:20:30.680
I'm like, I can't ask my family. And she goes,

00:20:30.799 --> 00:20:33.680
do you have any credit cards? And I'm like, well,

00:20:33.680 --> 00:20:36.099
I have like an emergency credit card. I'm like,

00:20:36.099 --> 00:20:37.559
but I, and I think at the time it was probably

00:20:37.559 --> 00:20:40.099
my dad's. She's like, well, you've been working

00:20:40.099 --> 00:20:43.519
now, so you can get your own credit card. You

00:20:43.519 --> 00:20:46.079
can take out your own credit card. And she's

00:20:46.079 --> 00:20:48.400
like, and what you can do is, and she told me

00:20:48.400 --> 00:20:50.380
this whole instructions that you can go to like

00:20:50.380 --> 00:20:53.119
the ATM and you can take cash out of this credit

00:20:53.119 --> 00:20:56.180
card. So I'm like, I don't know. And I remember

00:20:56.180 --> 00:20:59.759
like, even though I fully believed her, I fully

00:20:59.759 --> 00:21:03.599
believed her. I was hesitant for a minute, not

00:21:03.599 --> 00:21:05.839
like thinking, oh, this is fake. It was more

00:21:05.839 --> 00:21:07.720
like, oh my God, like, how am I going to like

00:21:07.720 --> 00:21:11.420
pay her this money? So she's like, but Alana,

00:21:11.519 --> 00:21:14.180
the thing is, if we don't do this soon, I'm really

00:21:14.180 --> 00:21:16.259
afraid of what's going to happen because I've

00:21:16.259 --> 00:21:19.140
seen these visions and I don't even want to repeat

00:21:19.140 --> 00:21:22.500
them to you. But if we don't do this, it's going

00:21:22.500 --> 00:21:24.460
to get bad. She's like, now listen, she goes,

00:21:24.599 --> 00:21:27.180
listen, I really care about you and I have this

00:21:27.180 --> 00:21:29.839
connection with you. You do not at all have to

00:21:29.839 --> 00:21:31.720
give me thirty eight hundred dollars up front.

00:21:31.940 --> 00:21:33.920
She's like, you can give me a little bit at a

00:21:33.920 --> 00:21:36.900
time. She's like, but we need to start this and

00:21:36.900 --> 00:21:39.240
I'm like, okay, okay And she's like so if you

00:21:39.240 --> 00:21:41.799
can give me maybe like two or three hundred tomorrow

00:21:41.799 --> 00:21:45.140
Then we can start this I said, okay And she's

00:21:45.140 --> 00:21:48.160
like but here's the biggest part of this and

00:21:48.160 --> 00:21:50.259
I'm like and I'm just like standing there like

00:21:50.259 --> 00:21:53.140
eyes wide like a deer in fucking headlights She's

00:21:53.140 --> 00:21:57.960
like you cannot tell anyone about this Because

00:21:57.960 --> 00:22:01.660
the way this black magic works is if you tell

00:22:01.660 --> 00:22:06.269
someone It can be a thousand times worse than

00:22:06.269 --> 00:22:11.750
what it already is Okay I'm like my face is burning

00:22:11.750 --> 00:22:13.369
hot right now you guys telling you the story

00:22:13.369 --> 00:22:16.390
because it brings back so many crazy emotions

00:22:16.390 --> 00:22:24.509
in my body um So I leave okay, I leave and I

00:22:24.509 --> 00:22:30.269
go and I go home and the next day I had, I guess

00:22:30.269 --> 00:22:32.230
I did already have a credit card under my name,

00:22:32.269 --> 00:22:36.599
so I started taking the money out. Now... I guess

00:22:36.599 --> 00:22:39.359
I was still more on the hypomanic side because

00:22:39.359 --> 00:22:42.220
I remember during this time I met this guy at

00:22:42.220 --> 00:22:45.480
Barney's and we spent like six hours together

00:22:45.480 --> 00:22:48.180
and I was convinced he was my soulmate and we

00:22:48.180 --> 00:22:50.380
were like obsessed like we had this like great

00:22:50.380 --> 00:22:53.359
night together and I was convinced that that

00:22:53.359 --> 00:22:55.000
was it this was the guy I was supposed to be

00:22:55.000 --> 00:22:56.759
with and that was the first night I've ever had

00:22:56.759 --> 00:23:00.220
anyone ask me if I had a vice and I remember

00:23:00.220 --> 00:23:02.319
telling the story down the road and looking back

00:23:02.319 --> 00:23:05.220
he definitely like did cocaine And that's what

00:23:05.220 --> 00:23:07.779
he was looking to find out, which that brings

00:23:07.779 --> 00:23:09.940
me to the point where when I first went to California,

00:23:10.000 --> 00:23:12.180
people just assumed I was a cocaine addict because

00:23:12.180 --> 00:23:15.500
of how fast I spoke and my energy level because

00:23:15.500 --> 00:23:18.440
California people do not, they're not like this.

00:23:18.859 --> 00:23:20.599
I mean, let's be honest, a lot of New Jersey

00:23:20.599 --> 00:23:23.059
people are not like this, but California definitely

00:23:23.059 --> 00:23:25.359
not. So not only did they always pick up on my

00:23:25.359 --> 00:23:27.180
accent, like the minute I would say something,

00:23:27.339 --> 00:23:29.059
they're like, oh my God, are you from New York?

00:23:29.420 --> 00:23:33.180
Say coffee, say Manzanita Hall, which is one

00:23:33.180 --> 00:23:35.460
of the buildings I would have to look for. So

00:23:35.460 --> 00:23:37.859
anyway, so the point I'm trying to make with

00:23:37.859 --> 00:23:40.180
the guy is I remember going into work the next

00:23:40.180 --> 00:23:42.779
morning after I met this guy and I wrote this

00:23:42.779 --> 00:23:44.819
long email. Now this must have been a week or

00:23:44.819 --> 00:23:47.440
two after I started giving her money because

00:23:47.440 --> 00:23:50.980
I literally put in the email, I was at the ATM

00:23:50.980 --> 00:23:54.339
getting cash to give to my psychic. And then

00:23:54.339 --> 00:23:56.420
in parentheses, I put something like, no worries,

00:23:56.619 --> 00:23:58.700
everybody. You know, she's really helping me

00:23:58.700 --> 00:24:01.960
through a hard time. All good. I'm in control.

00:24:03.319 --> 00:24:06.799
Nobody ever commented on that. Nobody, I think

00:24:06.799 --> 00:24:08.720
what happened, like I've talked about where people

00:24:08.720 --> 00:24:11.160
got that long email and I think the friends and

00:24:11.160 --> 00:24:13.359
even like, I mean, I sent it out to like my entire

00:24:13.359 --> 00:24:17.220
contact list. So again, like the 2017 mania,

00:24:17.460 --> 00:24:19.579
people who hadn't heard from me since 2005 are

00:24:19.579 --> 00:24:21.599
like, what the fuck? Why is she emailing and

00:24:21.599 --> 00:24:24.829
texting us? That email went out. Like I remember

00:24:24.829 --> 00:24:27.589
from to like some of my guy friends in high school

00:24:27.589 --> 00:24:29.349
like ones that I think to this day I still have

00:24:29.349 --> 00:24:31.130
a crush on you know who you are if you know you

00:24:31.130 --> 00:24:34.670
know um and they got this email and people were

00:24:34.670 --> 00:24:37.069
like what the hell what's going on with her but

00:24:37.069 --> 00:24:39.190
that was it nobody followed through nobody reached

00:24:39.190 --> 00:24:41.890
out nobody was like are you okay nobody nobody

00:24:41.890 --> 00:24:44.309
nobody was like um how much money are you giving

00:24:44.309 --> 00:24:47.289
this psychic like nobody said that so it just

00:24:47.289 --> 00:24:50.769
continued so one night in the middle now I had

00:24:50.769 --> 00:24:55.059
given her I think maybe like close to 2000 at

00:24:55.059 --> 00:24:57.799
this point. And most of you would know that with

00:24:57.799 --> 00:24:59.619
credit cards, when you do take money like that,

00:24:59.619 --> 00:25:02.660
it's a huge interest rate. So I'd given her almost

00:25:02.660 --> 00:25:04.660
like 2000. And I remember one day she called

00:25:04.660 --> 00:25:07.220
and she's like, hi, she's like, um, you know,

00:25:07.299 --> 00:25:09.140
do you, are you going to be able to like bring

00:25:09.140 --> 00:25:11.359
any more money? Cause the work I'm really trying

00:25:11.359 --> 00:25:13.599
to do this work, but the church is really asking

00:25:13.599 --> 00:25:15.759
me. So I'm like, you know, I don't have any cash.

00:25:15.920 --> 00:25:17.539
She goes, well, I'm at the mall right now. If

00:25:17.539 --> 00:25:19.859
you want, you could come here and you could just

00:25:19.859 --> 00:25:24.960
pay for my Macy's purchase. And I fucking did

00:25:24.960 --> 00:25:27.839
it, you guys. I drove to the mall. Now, again,

00:25:28.799 --> 00:25:30.839
I guess I take that back when I said I was in

00:25:30.839 --> 00:25:33.099
between hypomania and depression. I was definitely

00:25:33.099 --> 00:25:35.259
still close to hypomania, because I clearly was

00:25:35.259 --> 00:25:38.920
not really fully thinking this through. So I

00:25:38.920 --> 00:25:41.059
went there and I paid, and I'll never forget.

00:25:42.519 --> 00:25:44.940
A couple, I, no, I want to say, then I started

00:25:44.940 --> 00:25:48.559
coming down and... In the middle of the night

00:25:48.559 --> 00:25:51.180
one night, I had this crazy dream about my dad,

00:25:51.660 --> 00:25:55.680
like really crazy, vivid, vivid dream that something

00:25:55.680 --> 00:25:58.960
happened to him. And he basically died. That

00:25:58.960 --> 00:26:01.299
was my dream. And I started calling him the next

00:26:01.299 --> 00:26:03.039
morning, and he wasn't answering, and I'm calling

00:26:03.039 --> 00:26:05.200
my mom. Now mind you, they're divorced, but like

00:26:05.200 --> 00:26:06.539
I mentioned, they're very good friends. They

00:26:06.539 --> 00:26:08.579
can get in touch with each other very easily.

00:26:08.880 --> 00:26:10.799
And I'm like, Mom, something's gonna happen to

00:26:10.799 --> 00:26:12.400
Dad. And she's like, Elena, what are you talking

00:26:12.400 --> 00:26:14.140
about? I go, something's gonna happen. So I call

00:26:14.140 --> 00:26:16.559
Dad. I finally get him on the phone. I go, Dad,

00:26:16.819 --> 00:26:18.559
please. I go, please go to the doctor. He goes,

00:26:18.740 --> 00:26:20.240
Zib. He goes, I have an appointment two weeks

00:26:20.240 --> 00:26:23.519
from now. I go, Dad, please, please go. So he

00:26:23.519 --> 00:26:26.019
goes to the doctor and they do, cause he was

00:26:26.019 --> 00:26:28.299
a heart patient. He had his first heart attack

00:26:28.299 --> 00:26:31.619
at 43 when I was a sophomore in college right

00:26:31.619 --> 00:26:34.900
after 9 -11. That's a story for another day as

00:26:34.900 --> 00:26:37.140
well. But yeah, so he's been a heart patient.

00:26:37.160 --> 00:26:39.859
So at that time he had gotten stents in his arteries.

00:26:39.859 --> 00:26:42.400
So he had maybe like two or three stents. So

00:26:42.400 --> 00:26:44.900
now it's 2005. I can't do the math. You guys,

00:26:44.960 --> 00:26:47.180
I'm horrible with math, but it's 2005. He's not

00:26:47.180 --> 00:26:49.099
much older than that. Cause that was sophomore

00:26:49.099 --> 00:26:51.480
year of college. And now this is the year after

00:26:51.480 --> 00:26:55.009
I graduated. So just a couple years later. So

00:26:55.009 --> 00:26:57.430
he goes to the doctor and he told them the truth.

00:26:57.509 --> 00:26:58.789
He was, listen, I know I have this appointment,

00:26:58.849 --> 00:27:00.549
but my daughter called, she's in California,

00:27:00.690 --> 00:27:03.309
you know, she was hysterical. So they do the

00:27:03.309 --> 00:27:05.789
artery tests, you guys, and they come back to

00:27:05.789 --> 00:27:10.250
him and they say, John, you were within five

00:27:10.250 --> 00:27:12.650
days of having a massive heart attack. You need

00:27:12.650 --> 00:27:14.869
to go to the hospital right now. And they had

00:27:14.869 --> 00:27:18.730
to put in like three or four more stents. Okay.

00:27:20.509 --> 00:27:26.079
So at that time, Who did I call? The psychic

00:27:26.079 --> 00:27:29.339
Raquel and I'm like, oh my god, and she's like,

00:27:29.559 --> 00:27:32.420
oh my god What happened and of course I start

00:27:32.420 --> 00:27:35.259
telling her and she goes I knew it I had this

00:27:35.259 --> 00:27:37.799
vision you have to come in you have to come in

00:27:37.799 --> 00:27:39.480
Alana You have to come in right like today. You

00:27:39.480 --> 00:27:42.519
have to come in today. So I go there. I'm crying

00:27:42.519 --> 00:27:45.000
I like get there. I'm like hysterical and she's

00:27:45.000 --> 00:27:48.099
like listen she goes I have to tell you that

00:27:48.099 --> 00:27:51.109
I had this vision I know your father's in the

00:27:51.109 --> 00:27:54.890
hospital. We need to do work on him. We have

00:27:54.890 --> 00:27:58.049
to do this. Like it has to be done. So I'm like,

00:27:58.049 --> 00:28:00.150
Oh my God. I'm like, no, like not more work.

00:28:00.289 --> 00:28:02.190
She goes, listen, I've talked to the church.

00:28:02.589 --> 00:28:06.029
They're willing to forego the rest of your debt,

00:28:06.029 --> 00:28:09.410
which I had paid like 3 ,300 at this point. And

00:28:09.410 --> 00:28:12.430
she's like, they're willing to forego that, but

00:28:12.430 --> 00:28:14.589
we need to do this work for your dad. She's like,

00:28:14.609 --> 00:28:18.670
but this involves gold coins being buried in

00:28:18.670 --> 00:28:22.599
the soil. that we're gonna have to water and

00:28:22.599 --> 00:28:26.740
let them grow and that will represent your father's

00:28:26.740 --> 00:28:30.160
arteries to make sure that they're clear so he

00:28:30.160 --> 00:28:34.519
does not have a heart attack. So I'm just looking

00:28:34.519 --> 00:28:38.059
at her. I'm like, oh my God. And I'm like, and

00:28:38.059 --> 00:28:40.839
I'm crying and she's like, but listen, this kind

00:28:40.839 --> 00:28:46.480
of work is a lot more intense. So this is gonna

00:28:46.480 --> 00:28:51.349
be $5 ,800. And I'm like, oh my god. And she

00:28:51.349 --> 00:28:53.470
goes, but here's the thing, Alana, I hate telling

00:28:53.470 --> 00:28:57.470
you this. If we don't do this, your father will

00:28:57.470 --> 00:29:02.309
never walk out of that hospital. So as a listener,

00:29:03.730 --> 00:29:09.049
if you were 22 years old, out 3 ,000 miles from

00:29:09.049 --> 00:29:12.769
your family, you can't tell anyone. Not friends,

00:29:12.970 --> 00:29:16.470
not family. You don't have a therapist. You're

00:29:16.470 --> 00:29:20.029
completely by yourself. Your world has been completely

00:29:20.029 --> 00:29:22.970
rocked for numerous reasons over the past six

00:29:22.970 --> 00:29:27.910
months. What would you have done? So what did

00:29:27.910 --> 00:29:32.750
I do? I started paying her the money and lo and

00:29:32.750 --> 00:29:36.009
behold, dad left the hospital clean as a whistle.

00:29:37.020 --> 00:29:39.180
a week later and then whenever he'd have something

00:29:39.180 --> 00:29:40.799
like this done he'd always be like I got new

00:29:40.799 --> 00:29:43.140
pipes guys I got new pipes and he would do this

00:29:43.140 --> 00:29:45.259
like little move with his arms like these muscle

00:29:45.259 --> 00:29:47.160
moves he's like I got new pipes come on come

00:29:47.160 --> 00:29:52.130
on I got new pipes so So the money thing just

00:29:52.130 --> 00:29:54.769
started continuing. And then my mom came to visit

00:29:54.769 --> 00:29:57.690
me in October. Now I can tell you that by October,

00:29:58.150 --> 00:30:00.769
I was starting to feel different. I knew something

00:30:00.769 --> 00:30:03.430
was wrong, but I didn't know what it was. I started

00:30:03.430 --> 00:30:07.230
getting very introverted at work. Instead of

00:30:07.230 --> 00:30:10.609
being the queen bee cheerleader, I would get

00:30:10.609 --> 00:30:13.309
there and I would walk to my desk and I would

00:30:13.309 --> 00:30:15.890
stay quiet. And instead of wearing these bright

00:30:15.890 --> 00:30:18.210
colors, I was wearing dark colors and I was just

00:30:18.210 --> 00:30:22.049
trying to fly under the radar. And I think part

00:30:22.049 --> 00:30:25.750
of the reason is the credit card bills started

00:30:25.750 --> 00:30:28.690
to come in. So as I'm seeing all these credit

00:30:28.690 --> 00:30:32.609
card bills, I'm getting so overwhelmed and scared.

00:30:33.210 --> 00:30:35.190
and being like, what am I gonna do? Like I got

00:30:35.190 --> 00:30:37.349
myself so deep. And then mind you, she's still

00:30:37.349 --> 00:30:39.930
calling me. It was like a drug dealer. She's

00:30:39.930 --> 00:30:41.789
still calling me. She's telling me all these

00:30:41.789 --> 00:30:43.289
things, like more and more things that are gonna

00:30:43.289 --> 00:30:45.009
be happening in my life. And I remember she gave

00:30:45.009 --> 00:30:48.930
me these candles and she told me to light them

00:30:48.930 --> 00:30:52.150
and like meditate on them. And I'll never forget

00:30:52.150 --> 00:30:54.470
the night that I did it. And again, I have not

00:30:54.470 --> 00:30:56.930
thought about this and I'm crying and I remember

00:30:56.930 --> 00:30:59.109
exactly where I was. I was sitting on this couch.

00:30:59.660 --> 00:31:01.380
which god knows who else has sat on the couch

00:31:01.380 --> 00:31:03.019
because remember it was a fully furnished apartment

00:31:03.019 --> 00:31:06.799
and i'm looking at these huge gigantic like tall

00:31:06.799 --> 00:31:09.640
like church candles and i'm closing my eyes and

00:31:09.640 --> 00:31:13.619
i'm crying and i remember now what vision i had

00:31:13.619 --> 00:31:18.779
i had the vision of jesus carrying the cross

00:31:18.779 --> 00:31:23.720
on his back walking through fire that's what

00:31:23.720 --> 00:31:29.470
i saw and I remember telling her that, and she

00:31:29.470 --> 00:31:32.250
turned it around and was like, exactly, Alana,

00:31:32.549 --> 00:31:35.410
exactly. I mean, if we don't do this work, you're

00:31:35.410 --> 00:31:37.269
gonna feel like you're carrying the weight of

00:31:37.269 --> 00:31:40.250
the world on your shoulders. We need to get you

00:31:40.250 --> 00:31:44.069
cleansed. So my mom came in October. We had a

00:31:44.069 --> 00:31:45.809
very good weekend, but there was a lot of shit

00:31:45.809 --> 00:31:48.410
that happened. I remember we went to a yoga class

00:31:48.410 --> 00:31:52.329
where the dad from Beverly Hills 90210... Mr.

00:31:52.650 --> 00:31:54.750
Walsh was in the friggin yoga class. How cool

00:31:54.750 --> 00:31:56.789
is that? We would see celebrities. I would see

00:31:56.789 --> 00:31:58.349
celebrities all the time. That's why California

00:31:58.349 --> 00:32:01.710
is amazing. So We come out to the car and I have

00:32:01.710 --> 00:32:04.289
a ticket. And then I realized that I have, I'm

00:32:04.289 --> 00:32:07.029
like, everything's expired. Registration's expired,

00:32:07.349 --> 00:32:10.730
like my insurance, everything is expired. And,

00:32:10.730 --> 00:32:12.210
no, not my insurance, I'm sorry, because my dad

00:32:12.210 --> 00:32:14.170
was handling that. But the registration had been

00:32:14.170 --> 00:32:17.250
expired. I forget the specifics. But again, looking

00:32:17.250 --> 00:32:20.250
back, I was getting foggy. I was going down.

00:32:20.269 --> 00:32:22.569
And when you go down, everything becomes hard

00:32:22.569 --> 00:32:25.369
to manage. Everything is hard to manage. Everything

00:32:25.369 --> 00:32:29.680
starts piling up. And I remember I just couldn't

00:32:29.680 --> 00:32:31.740
fully be myself with my mom that weekend, and

00:32:31.740 --> 00:32:34.559
I was so scared she was going to notice. And

00:32:34.559 --> 00:32:38.720
she didn't say anything. And then she left. And

00:32:38.720 --> 00:32:42.279
then probably three weeks or four weeks later

00:32:42.279 --> 00:32:48.059
is the day that I've talked about where. I just

00:32:48.059 --> 00:32:51.680
a couple of days before that, I said again, I

00:32:51.680 --> 00:32:53.940
kind of in my heart was starting to feel like,

00:32:53.940 --> 00:32:57.390
you know, I'm going to. I'm possibly not going

00:32:57.390 --> 00:32:59.089
to be here anymore. Like I'm possibly going to

00:32:59.089 --> 00:33:00.589
take my life. Like at that point, I didn't know

00:33:00.589 --> 00:33:03.049
what was wrong with me, but I knew that I felt

00:33:03.049 --> 00:33:04.910
like I didn't want to be here anymore. Not even

00:33:04.910 --> 00:33:06.670
that I didn't want to, that I couldn't, that

00:33:06.670 --> 00:33:08.670
I physically and mentally could not. Now, mind

00:33:08.670 --> 00:33:10.730
you, this woman is still calling me to bring

00:33:10.730 --> 00:33:18.329
her money. And so I just lost my train of thought

00:33:18.329 --> 00:33:20.089
for like the first time ever, I think, on here,

00:33:20.089 --> 00:33:22.849
only because this is bringing back so many fucking

00:33:22.990 --> 00:33:31.089
crazy emotions. So my mom left and then a couple

00:33:31.089 --> 00:33:34.250
weeks later, out of nowhere, I said to my friend

00:33:34.250 --> 00:33:36.569
Rupa, I was like, Rupa, you know, it's kind of

00:33:36.569 --> 00:33:38.509
weird. You don't even have my mom's phone number.

00:33:38.630 --> 00:33:40.269
You should probably have my mom's phone number,

00:33:40.289 --> 00:33:42.170
like just in case of anything, like you can get

00:33:42.170 --> 00:33:44.670
in touch with her. So I gave her my mom's phone

00:33:44.670 --> 00:33:46.970
number. And then there was that morning where

00:33:46.970 --> 00:33:52.099
I woke up and I was just ready to end it. I was

00:33:52.099 --> 00:33:57.019
ready to end it. I was ready. And I was sobbing

00:33:57.019 --> 00:34:00.680
hysterical. And what happened was my boss, Christy,

00:34:00.680 --> 00:34:03.420
who I mentioned earlier, she knew that I've never

00:34:03.420 --> 00:34:06.259
missed work. I've never like not called or anything.

00:34:06.259 --> 00:34:08.559
And I wasn't there. And she got concerned. And

00:34:08.559 --> 00:34:10.500
we used to communicate. Do you guys remember

00:34:10.500 --> 00:34:12.420
this? We used to communicate in the whole office

00:34:12.420 --> 00:34:15.639
because it was this huge building through Trillian.

00:34:15.760 --> 00:34:17.699
Trillian was like the name of the messenger.

00:34:17.840 --> 00:34:20.440
It was like AIM, like AIM messenger, but it was

00:34:20.440 --> 00:34:24.400
called Trillian. So you had like your work contacts

00:34:24.400 --> 00:34:26.300
and then you had like your actual friends. So

00:34:26.300 --> 00:34:28.659
she reached out to Rupa, I think this is how

00:34:28.659 --> 00:34:31.179
it happened, and told Rupa that I wasn't there.

00:34:31.199 --> 00:34:33.340
And Rupa obviously knew where I lived where I

00:34:33.340 --> 00:34:36.000
don't think Christy did. So Rupa showed up to

00:34:36.000 --> 00:34:38.340
my apartment and that's when I'm laying there

00:34:38.340 --> 00:34:41.739
on the floor thinking about those knives in the

00:34:41.739 --> 00:34:44.360
kitchen and all of a sudden Rupa is like pounding

00:34:44.360 --> 00:34:46.969
on the door. First she's just knocking regularly

00:34:46.969 --> 00:34:48.809
and then I'm not answering but she had she said

00:34:48.809 --> 00:34:50.510
I'll never forget that she's like Alana I pulled

00:34:50.510 --> 00:34:53.110
in and I saw your car there and I knew something

00:34:53.110 --> 00:34:56.250
was wrong and she's pounding pounding now she's

00:34:56.250 --> 00:34:58.510
getting like worried and I open the door and

00:34:58.510 --> 00:35:09.789
I'm just like oops I'm thinking about killing

00:35:09.789 --> 00:35:17.289
myself and she'll never forget the sound of her

00:35:17.289 --> 00:35:22.809
voice. What? What? We have to go right now. We

00:35:22.809 --> 00:35:25.449
have to go right now. Get your stuff, we're going.

00:35:26.630 --> 00:35:28.730
And I don't know how she ended up calling my

00:35:28.730 --> 00:35:31.730
mom without me hearing the conversation, but

00:35:31.730 --> 00:35:35.929
she called my mom and then cut to the story I

00:35:35.929 --> 00:35:39.449
told the other day where Carla, my ex -boyfriend's

00:35:39.449 --> 00:35:42.780
mom, came and met us at the hospital. and they

00:35:42.780 --> 00:35:44.940
sent me home with some sort of anti -anxiety,

00:35:45.079 --> 00:35:47.099
anti -depressant, and that was it, they released

00:35:47.099 --> 00:35:52.739
me. And it became a weird thing because obviously

00:35:52.739 --> 00:35:54.519
Christy had heard about it, and I remember she

00:35:54.519 --> 00:35:56.719
calls me into her office, and again, she was

00:35:56.719 --> 00:35:58.360
always just like so warm and comforting. She

00:35:58.360 --> 00:36:00.000
was like a big sister, that's exactly how she

00:36:00.000 --> 00:36:02.099
was. And I'll never forget, she's like, Alana,

00:36:02.139 --> 00:36:04.639
I knew something was wrong. She's like, because

00:36:04.639 --> 00:36:07.880
you were not you. Which, what have I been saying,

00:36:07.880 --> 00:36:12.110
you guys? Depression takes... you completely

00:36:12.110 --> 00:36:15.250
away from yourself. So she's like bringing up

00:36:15.250 --> 00:36:17.309
stuff that we did in the summer when I was like

00:36:17.309 --> 00:36:19.170
happy and jumping. I remember like I tried to

00:36:19.170 --> 00:36:20.849
save a parking spot or something. She talked

00:36:20.849 --> 00:36:22.630
about how like I jumped out of the car and like

00:36:22.630 --> 00:36:24.650
jumped into a parking spot with my arms and legs

00:36:24.650 --> 00:36:27.050
spread so that we could get the parking spot.

00:36:27.070 --> 00:36:29.489
And she's like, and she looked at me and oh my

00:36:29.489 --> 00:36:32.329
God, again, I haven't thought of this. She looked

00:36:32.329 --> 00:36:35.389
at me and she goes, Alana, I haven't seen that

00:36:35.389 --> 00:36:41.659
girl in a really long time. And Now obviously

00:36:41.659 --> 00:36:44.199
my parents knew about this and I told I already

00:36:44.199 --> 00:36:45.699
mentioned that might when my mother called my

00:36:45.699 --> 00:36:47.900
father My father broke down hysterical saying

00:36:47.900 --> 00:36:50.559
it was his fault because he suffered with depression

00:36:50.559 --> 00:36:54.619
my grandmother my father's mother suffered with

00:36:54.619 --> 00:36:59.219
mental illness and Knowing now knowing now that

00:36:59.219 --> 00:37:03.880
it was most likely bipolar disorder But you know

00:37:03.880 --> 00:37:06.420
the option of medication was just not to be had

00:37:06.420 --> 00:37:10.730
for numerous reasons so They booked me a ticket

00:37:10.730 --> 00:37:14.170
to come home. I had no idea how long I was gonna

00:37:14.170 --> 00:37:16.889
stay I had no idea what was gonna happen, but

00:37:16.889 --> 00:37:20.289
at this point you guys the depression was so

00:37:20.289 --> 00:37:24.170
Bad, I don't even know how I got how I packed

00:37:24.170 --> 00:37:28.269
a bag how I got to the airport I don't know how

00:37:28.269 --> 00:37:33.469
I did that, but I remember that Flight home like

00:37:33.469 --> 00:37:39.840
it was yesterday There's this song called Baby

00:37:39.840 --> 00:37:43.659
Girl by Sugarland. And that song I heard when

00:37:43.659 --> 00:37:45.619
I was going to California for the first time.

00:37:46.000 --> 00:37:47.940
Back when on the planes you used to just plug

00:37:47.940 --> 00:37:49.960
in your earplugs and like listen to the radio

00:37:49.960 --> 00:37:52.420
and I heard it for the first time. And it gave

00:37:52.420 --> 00:37:54.980
me goosebumps up and down my body because it's

00:37:54.980 --> 00:37:57.079
a song basically, first of all, my mom and dad,

00:37:57.280 --> 00:37:59.139
especially my mom always calls me baby girl.

00:38:00.559 --> 00:38:02.679
And California is what introduced country music

00:38:02.679 --> 00:38:04.519
to me. So, you know, there was a lot of different

00:38:04.519 --> 00:38:06.400
things and I was listening to the song and it

00:38:06.400 --> 00:38:09.199
basically talked about how she, I think it was

00:38:09.199 --> 00:38:10.619
like supposed to be Nashville. Like she went

00:38:10.619 --> 00:38:12.980
somewhere and she was, she wanted to make it

00:38:12.980 --> 00:38:15.360
big and she was playing in these bars and she

00:38:15.360 --> 00:38:17.679
didn't have any money and she was writing home

00:38:17.679 --> 00:38:20.659
to her parents. Dear mom and dad, please send

00:38:20.659 --> 00:38:24.219
money. I'm so broke that it ain't funny. And

00:38:24.219 --> 00:38:29.860
then the last verse, she makes it. and her dreams

00:38:29.860 --> 00:38:33.900
came true. And she sings, dear mom and dad, I'll

00:38:33.900 --> 00:38:36.940
send money. I'm so rich that it ain't funny.

00:38:37.340 --> 00:38:41.280
It should be more than enough to get you through.

00:38:42.039 --> 00:38:44.519
Please don't worry, cause I'm all right. See,

00:38:44.760 --> 00:38:47.260
I'm staying in here at the Ritz tonight. Well,

00:38:47.840 --> 00:38:50.380
and it's just, so I heard that song and that

00:38:50.380 --> 00:38:55.420
was like my dream. My dream was to make it big.

00:38:55.880 --> 00:38:59.280
Probably as an actress at that point so that

00:38:59.280 --> 00:39:04.960
I could send money to my mom and dad So that

00:39:04.960 --> 00:39:10.019
I could take care of them And I wasn't able to

00:39:10.019 --> 00:39:15.280
do that while my dad was here So on that six

00:39:15.280 --> 00:39:21.539
-hour flight back I am now a shell of myself

00:39:21.539 --> 00:39:27.659
I am literally gnawing on my cuticles picking

00:39:27.659 --> 00:39:29.900
at my cuticles was something that I've done my

00:39:29.900 --> 00:39:34.099
whole life and I was my fingertips were bleeding

00:39:34.099 --> 00:39:39.139
on this flight and I don't remember being picked

00:39:39.139 --> 00:39:43.639
up I don't remember the drive home And my whole

00:39:43.639 --> 00:39:48.280
world was so confused. I was so confused. Like,

00:39:48.280 --> 00:39:51.599
what is this? Why do I feel this way? How did

00:39:51.599 --> 00:39:55.840
I get here? I'm thinking about all this time

00:39:55.840 --> 00:40:01.840
and all this success. And now my life felt like

00:40:01.840 --> 00:40:07.480
it was over. And I remember talking to my family

00:40:07.480 --> 00:40:13.559
after all of this. And my sister was like, Sis,

00:40:13.559 --> 00:40:20.099
you were gone. Your eyes were empty. You barely

00:40:20.099 --> 00:40:26.079
spoke. And I was home for a little while and

00:40:26.079 --> 00:40:28.719
they're bringing me these doctors and I got CAT

00:40:28.719 --> 00:40:32.239
scans and my dad was convinced the carbon monoxide

00:40:32.239 --> 00:40:35.159
detector in my apartment was busted and that

00:40:35.159 --> 00:40:39.019
I had some sort of poisoning from it. And I remember

00:40:39.019 --> 00:40:43.329
we went to my family doctor. And he actually

00:40:43.329 --> 00:40:45.590
brought up bipolar disorder. And we're like,

00:40:46.110 --> 00:40:47.869
I'm like, oh my God, like I didn't say that because

00:40:47.869 --> 00:40:49.789
I wasn't speaking. But like my mom, we were like,

00:40:49.909 --> 00:40:52.070
no, no, that can't be it. This is, this is not

00:40:52.070 --> 00:40:54.590
that. So then he said depression. So he put me

00:40:54.590 --> 00:40:58.489
on a medication and it didn't really help. And

00:40:58.489 --> 00:41:00.670
every, every couple of weeks he was like raising

00:41:00.670 --> 00:41:05.269
it. So I had come home in November. So the depression

00:41:05.269 --> 00:41:08.030
probably started in October, I would say now

00:41:08.030 --> 00:41:16.260
it's November and I'm home and my mom and, you

00:41:16.260 --> 00:41:18.320
know, and my, oh, and then we had a family meeting.

00:41:18.360 --> 00:41:19.980
So my dad used to love family meetings, which

00:41:19.980 --> 00:41:22.099
I hated. So we had this family meeting and I

00:41:22.099 --> 00:41:23.539
remember he had a backwards hat on with like

00:41:23.539 --> 00:41:25.440
his guinea tee. He used to wear these guinea

00:41:25.440 --> 00:41:28.360
tees and he takes out his paper. Cause he always

00:41:28.360 --> 00:41:32.179
liked to make like little like diagrams. And

00:41:32.179 --> 00:41:34.780
he's like, zip, he goes, let's do a timeline.

00:41:35.760 --> 00:41:38.420
And he's like, something must have happened.

00:41:39.269 --> 00:41:42.409
To all of a sudden make you start feeling different

00:41:42.409 --> 00:41:44.570
and guys remember in the back of my head. I'm

00:41:44.570 --> 00:41:48.329
like I can't tell anyone I Can't tell a soul

00:41:48.329 --> 00:41:51.369
about this It's gonna get worse like how could

00:41:51.369 --> 00:41:53.130
it get any worse than what I'm feeling right

00:41:53.130 --> 00:41:55.130
now and like I started blaming myself because

00:41:55.130 --> 00:41:57.710
I started to I started to doubt it I finally

00:41:57.710 --> 00:42:00.150
started to get that feeling like maybe this woman

00:42:00.150 --> 00:42:02.969
wasn't trying to help me like maybe she just

00:42:02.969 --> 00:42:06.139
wanted money and I was having those thoughts

00:42:06.139 --> 00:42:07.860
and then I was getting more depressed so then

00:42:07.860 --> 00:42:10.820
I'm like fighting within my own brain and heart

00:42:10.820 --> 00:42:12.440
being like Alana don't have that thought don't

00:42:12.440 --> 00:42:13.940
think that oh my god that's why you're feeling

00:42:13.940 --> 00:42:16.639
like this so my dad sat there and I'll never

00:42:16.639 --> 00:42:18.920
forget and we went through everything and I'm

00:42:18.920 --> 00:42:20.900
like no there was nothing there was nothing I

00:42:20.900 --> 00:42:24.400
don't know um and then one day my mom called

00:42:24.400 --> 00:42:26.280
me and she goes Alana she goes I'm reading this

00:42:26.280 --> 00:42:28.380
book and I just want you to know it's definitely

00:42:28.380 --> 00:42:30.940
not bipolar disorder because it talks about how

00:42:30.940 --> 00:42:34.289
you spend all of this money on something that

00:42:34.289 --> 00:42:37.130
you feel is worth it, but really it's a crazy

00:42:37.130 --> 00:42:39.510
amount of money for something you wouldn't normally

00:42:39.510 --> 00:42:47.230
do. Well, I dropped to my knees, started sobbing,

00:42:47.730 --> 00:42:49.429
started telling her a little bit. She's like,

00:42:49.510 --> 00:42:51.389
I'll be there in two minutes. And she comes to

00:42:51.389 --> 00:42:52.889
the house. At this point, I think my dad was

00:42:52.889 --> 00:42:54.550
living at the house with the kids and my mom

00:42:54.550 --> 00:42:58.730
was in a condo. And I started telling her everything.

00:43:00.329 --> 00:43:04.139
And then... We had another family meeting where

00:43:04.139 --> 00:43:06.980
I had to repeat the story. My mom, I think, mostly

00:43:06.980 --> 00:43:09.260
told my dad on her own and then I kind of repeated

00:43:09.260 --> 00:43:14.320
it. And we sit down and I'll never forget what

00:43:14.320 --> 00:43:21.440
my dad said. He started out by saying, Zib, it's

00:43:21.440 --> 00:43:29.400
only money. It's only money. OK, that's the first

00:43:29.400 --> 00:43:34.380
thing. The second thing is we're gonna get this

00:43:34.380 --> 00:43:38.239
bitch for all she's worth. And my mom's like,

00:43:38.320 --> 00:43:41.239
John, John, John, let's not, let's not do that.

00:43:41.239 --> 00:43:43.260
Let's not go there. Let's not go there. Let's

00:43:43.260 --> 00:43:47.789
focus on Alana's health. So... So now they knew.

00:43:47.989 --> 00:43:50.449
So now we knew that there was some sort of like

00:43:50.449 --> 00:43:52.510
trigger that caused this and then at this point

00:43:52.510 --> 00:43:55.590
we were realizing we really need to find a psychiatrist

00:43:55.590 --> 00:43:57.809
because just the regular doctor just kept increasing

00:43:57.809 --> 00:44:00.349
this antidepressant that was not doing anything.

00:44:00.889 --> 00:44:03.590
So we were looking for a psychiatrist and then

00:44:03.590 --> 00:44:05.650
this is the crazy part guys, hold on to your

00:44:05.650 --> 00:44:08.250
hats for this one. So then it turns out somebody

00:44:08.250 --> 00:44:11.010
in our family was like a private detective out

00:44:11.010 --> 00:44:15.219
in LA. Okay, a family friend and it got of course

00:44:15.219 --> 00:44:17.199
got around the whole family of what had happened

00:44:17.199 --> 00:44:18.860
to me and everyone and of course they didn't

00:44:18.860 --> 00:44:20.920
know all these details which they'll now know

00:44:20.920 --> 00:44:23.059
but they knew there was like a really fucked

00:44:23.059 --> 00:44:24.960
up situation that happened to me and now I was

00:44:24.960 --> 00:44:28.679
really sick. So this detective as like a as like

00:44:28.679 --> 00:44:33.500
a favor looked into this psychic and he had like

00:44:33.500 --> 00:44:35.579
a girl like a younger not a girl but like a younger

00:44:35.579 --> 00:44:38.480
woman that worked with him and he sent her in

00:44:38.480 --> 00:44:45.460
with a wire for a reading. And he calls me and

00:44:45.460 --> 00:44:47.519
he goes, hey, Alana, it's so and so. He goes,

00:44:47.579 --> 00:44:49.059
listen, I know you're going through a really

00:44:49.059 --> 00:44:53.159
hard time. He goes, you know, before I tell you

00:44:53.159 --> 00:44:55.199
what went on, I need to tell you something. He

00:44:55.199 --> 00:44:58.199
goes, I work with celebrities. I work with A

00:44:58.199 --> 00:45:02.099
-listers. I work with top executives. And a con

00:45:02.099 --> 00:45:05.139
artist is a con artist. He's like, I've worked

00:45:05.139 --> 00:45:07.320
with people that have been scammed out of hundreds

00:45:07.320 --> 00:45:10.179
of thousands of dollars by these psychics, these

00:45:10.179 --> 00:45:13.800
so -called psychics. And he says, so I know the

00:45:13.800 --> 00:45:16.579
amount of money that you put out feels like so

00:45:16.579 --> 00:45:19.880
much money and now you're real, like maybe wondering

00:45:19.880 --> 00:45:23.679
like what did I do? He's like, but it's, I just

00:45:23.679 --> 00:45:26.320
want you to know you're not alone. So he tells

00:45:26.320 --> 00:45:28.420
me the story that this girl went in, now mind

00:45:28.420 --> 00:45:30.320
you guys, she is a private detective, she knows

00:45:30.320 --> 00:45:32.980
what she's doing there. He goes, Alana, she goes

00:45:32.980 --> 00:45:35.619
in, she comes out, she's a believer, she's a

00:45:35.619 --> 00:45:37.230
believer. He's like we sat there and listened

00:45:37.230 --> 00:45:38.929
to the recording I'm like don't you notice that

00:45:38.929 --> 00:45:41.170
she's taking this cue from you and this cue from

00:45:41.170 --> 00:45:44.429
you and He said he looked into it. She was from

00:45:44.429 --> 00:45:46.889
this like gypsy family So so most of them what

00:45:46.889 --> 00:45:48.809
I found out after the fact is they're like this

00:45:48.809 --> 00:45:51.809
gypsy I don't want to say Hispanic because I

00:45:51.809 --> 00:45:53.550
don't want to put it out there that that's the

00:45:53.550 --> 00:45:55.510
like Denomination of what it is, but they're

00:45:55.510 --> 00:45:57.969
usually like from some other culture and they're

00:45:57.969 --> 00:46:01.550
like a cult So he said that he found out that

00:46:01.550 --> 00:46:05.780
her and like all these family members live close

00:46:05.780 --> 00:46:10.559
by in this like huge mansion and With all these

00:46:10.559 --> 00:46:13.340
like high -end cars and they pay with everything

00:46:13.340 --> 00:46:16.659
with cash Because that's how they're paid. That's

00:46:16.659 --> 00:46:18.500
the other thing. It was only cashed like I couldn't

00:46:18.500 --> 00:46:20.099
give her the credit card I had to get the cash

00:46:20.099 --> 00:46:25.340
out so he tells me this and Unfortunately, we

00:46:25.340 --> 00:46:28.280
were never able to follow through with anything.

00:46:28.360 --> 00:46:33.230
So if anyone out there knows a Raquel which at

00:46:33.230 --> 00:46:36.550
the very end when she started to suspect I think

00:46:36.550 --> 00:46:38.530
that I was that I was starting to get on the

00:46:38.530 --> 00:46:41.030
fence she told me she was pregnant and she couldn't

00:46:41.030 --> 00:46:44.469
see me anymore but one of the next conversations

00:46:44.469 --> 00:46:46.630
we had where she was talking to me over the phone

00:46:46.630 --> 00:46:48.969
asking for more money I could hear that she was

00:46:48.969 --> 00:46:52.840
smoking So I knew that that was a lie. And again,

00:46:53.000 --> 00:46:55.179
I'm saying to myself, oh, that's a lie. And then

00:46:55.179 --> 00:46:57.199
the next day I want to friggin slice my throat.

00:46:57.860 --> 00:47:00.119
So again, it was like this crazy internal struggle

00:47:00.119 --> 00:47:06.679
that I had. So. Time went by and we found a psychiatrist

00:47:06.679 --> 00:47:11.159
and I was in such bad shape. Now it's like February,

00:47:11.159 --> 00:47:13.780
you guys, like end of February. So now October,

00:47:14.000 --> 00:47:16.940
November, December, January, February, it's five

00:47:16.940 --> 00:47:19.639
months. My dad is still sending a rent check

00:47:19.639 --> 00:47:22.539
for that 8 .25 every month out to California

00:47:22.539 --> 00:47:24.099
because we didn't know what was gonna happen.

00:47:24.559 --> 00:47:26.539
Like my dad just kept saying, Zib, we gotta get

00:47:26.539 --> 00:47:29.559
you healthy and then you can decide, we can decide

00:47:29.559 --> 00:47:33.150
what we wanna do. So I went to the psychiatrist

00:47:33.150 --> 00:47:38.250
and I sat with her and she was the only person

00:47:38.250 --> 00:47:40.769
that told me that she wasn't convinced it was

00:47:40.769 --> 00:47:43.489
bipolar disorder, that she thought it was depression,

00:47:43.730 --> 00:47:46.429
a deep depressive episode. That's what she said.

00:47:46.929 --> 00:47:49.230
So of course, that's what I kind of wanted to

00:47:49.230 --> 00:47:53.389
hear. And she goes, and this, the medication

00:47:53.389 --> 00:47:55.429
you're on, if they just keep increasing it and

00:47:55.429 --> 00:47:57.269
it's doing nothing, it means it's the wrong medication,

00:47:57.389 --> 00:48:00.329
which that's a side note too, guys. Any disease,

00:48:00.469 --> 00:48:03.010
any illness with medication, especially the mental

00:48:03.010 --> 00:48:04.989
illnesses, people are like, oh, I'm not going

00:48:04.989 --> 00:48:07.550
on medicine, it makes me a zombie. No, like my

00:48:07.550 --> 00:48:10.809
son, ADHD medication is the same. If it changes

00:48:10.809 --> 00:48:12.710
your personality and you feel like a zombie,

00:48:12.849 --> 00:48:14.750
it just means it's not the right medication for

00:48:14.750 --> 00:48:17.190
you. And I know it sucks because with psychiatric

00:48:17.190 --> 00:48:19.630
medication, it takes weeks to get into your blood.

00:48:19.969 --> 00:48:23.090
So it's like it's such a horrible cycle, but

00:48:23.090 --> 00:48:25.110
you have to hang in there and you have to have

00:48:25.110 --> 00:48:27.309
hope that you will find the right medication.

00:48:27.449 --> 00:48:30.550
But you have to push through. You have to please,

00:48:30.730 --> 00:48:34.690
please, please. So she puts me so she starts

00:48:34.690 --> 00:48:36.969
to decrease the one I was on and she starts me

00:48:36.969 --> 00:48:49.010
on a new one. You guys six days Six days on the

00:48:49.010 --> 00:48:53.530
sixth day My sister and my mom they still tell

00:48:53.530 --> 00:48:57.190
this story that they'll never forget They're

00:48:57.190 --> 00:49:04.250
downstairs and I'm in the shower And all of the

00:49:04.250 --> 00:49:08.980
sudden they heard me singing in the shower Which

00:49:08.980 --> 00:49:13.320
I love to do and I've always done my whole life

00:49:13.320 --> 00:49:17.559
And I think she said they both just started crying

00:49:17.559 --> 00:49:25.219
and hugging each other And it just lifted from

00:49:25.219 --> 00:49:27.260
there because that's what depressions do you

00:49:27.260 --> 00:49:29.500
guys if you get the right treatment and there

00:49:29.500 --> 00:49:33.780
is the right treatment out there and it lifted

00:49:33.780 --> 00:49:39.869
and by May I had decided I Cannot live this far

00:49:39.869 --> 00:49:46.210
from my family. I can't I need them so My bestie

00:49:46.210 --> 00:49:48.550
mish that I mentioned earlier remember I told

00:49:48.550 --> 00:49:50.510
you guys the story that we were basically barely

00:49:50.510 --> 00:49:53.369
speaking and when I came back from California

00:49:53.369 --> 00:49:57.119
and we had that and she found out about the psychic.

00:49:57.400 --> 00:49:59.460
I had dinner with her and my friend, Molls. Mish

00:49:59.460 --> 00:50:02.880
had us over to her apartment, her condo, and

00:50:02.880 --> 00:50:04.760
I told them the whole story, and I'll never forget

00:50:04.760 --> 00:50:06.619
this either. They told me a couple days later,

00:50:06.619 --> 00:50:09.300
Mish said she called Molly the next day, and

00:50:09.300 --> 00:50:11.780
she goes, I feel like I was hit by a fucking

00:50:11.780 --> 00:50:17.539
train. And they were both, I think, shocked,

00:50:18.920 --> 00:50:23.800
heartbroken. Because, you know, looking back.

00:50:24.539 --> 00:50:26.420
I've had friends that have gone through depressions

00:50:26.420 --> 00:50:28.420
and I didn't realize it at the time. And I feel

00:50:28.420 --> 00:50:33.559
so guilty that I wasn't able to help them. And

00:50:33.559 --> 00:50:37.019
I'm sure that's what they were feeling. So Mish

00:50:37.019 --> 00:50:39.500
decided that she was going to drive cross country

00:50:39.500 --> 00:50:43.480
with me. And so I flew back to California and

00:50:43.480 --> 00:50:46.719
I packed up my stuff, which was not much. And

00:50:46.719 --> 00:50:49.119
I had a few dinners and lunches with all my girls

00:50:49.119 --> 00:50:51.239
out there. And it was bittersweet because of

00:50:51.239 --> 00:50:54.559
course they were so sad to see me going. but

00:50:54.559 --> 00:50:56.719
they didn't really see me in my worst of it because

00:50:56.719 --> 00:50:59.320
I really hid myself from everyone. And then Mish

00:50:59.320 --> 00:51:01.659
and I drove back cross country and it was again

00:51:01.659 --> 00:51:05.380
one of the absolute best experiences of my entire

00:51:05.380 --> 00:51:08.860
life. So guys, I hope that I could even upload

00:51:08.860 --> 00:51:11.559
this whole thing because it's another 51 minutes.

00:51:12.679 --> 00:51:19.920
I'm pretty spent right now. I'm going to take

00:51:19.920 --> 00:51:24.809
a nap. I'm going to do some self care. I'm gonna

00:51:24.809 --> 00:51:31.389
remind myself of what I've been through and how

00:51:31.389 --> 00:51:35.329
far I fucking come. And another song that I heard

00:51:35.329 --> 00:51:38.630
today, which I was obsessed with, obsessed with

00:51:38.630 --> 00:51:46.190
in college, was Survivor by Destiny's Child.

00:51:47.949 --> 00:51:50.929
And as I'm driving, because I had already decided

00:51:50.929 --> 00:51:52.570
this morning I was gonna record this and tell

00:51:52.570 --> 00:51:55.880
you guys about this. the trigger of my first

00:51:55.880 --> 00:51:58.539
depression, which was this con artist, psychic.

00:51:59.679 --> 00:52:02.519
And I'm driving, and all of a sudden I'm like,

00:52:02.860 --> 00:52:06.920
this song is about fucking Raquel. That's what

00:52:06.920 --> 00:52:09.119
this song is about. And it was so funny, because

00:52:09.119 --> 00:52:10.860
last night Parker and I were talking, I was saying

00:52:10.860 --> 00:52:13.320
how he asked me if I'd ever been cheated on.

00:52:13.579 --> 00:52:16.050
And I'm like, no. And he's like, how do you know?

00:52:16.190 --> 00:52:18.070
I'm like, I just know. I'm like, there's just

00:52:18.070 --> 00:52:19.989
no way that I've ever been cheated on. And I

00:52:19.989 --> 00:52:23.030
go, Parker, can you imagine what Mommy would

00:52:23.030 --> 00:52:26.469
do if she caught somebody cheating on her? And

00:52:26.469 --> 00:52:28.849
he's like, oh, God. I'm like, seriously, Parker.

00:52:28.909 --> 00:52:33.030
I almost dare the man. I dare the man that thinks

00:52:33.030 --> 00:52:35.929
he's going to cheat on me. Absolutely not. No

00:52:35.929 --> 00:52:38.530
way, no how. So that kind of song, Survivor,

00:52:38.550 --> 00:52:41.250
is usually about, I would think most people relate

00:52:41.250 --> 00:52:45.889
it to a man that cheated. And I loved the song

00:52:45.889 --> 00:52:47.909
College Girls. You know, we used to get up on

00:52:47.909 --> 00:52:50.809
the bar and we used to sing it. I'm a survivor.

00:52:51.010 --> 00:52:54.210
I'm not gonna give up. I'm not gonna stop. I'm

00:52:54.210 --> 00:52:58.250
gonna work harder. I'm a survivor. So I'm singing

00:52:58.250 --> 00:53:00.469
it and it's like, you thought I wouldn't breathe

00:53:00.469 --> 00:53:02.989
without you. I'm inhaling. You thought I wouldn't

00:53:02.989 --> 00:53:05.610
live without you, but I'm living. Like all this

00:53:05.610 --> 00:53:07.929
stuff. You thought I wouldn't see without your

00:53:07.929 --> 00:53:10.730
perfect vision. You thought I wouldn't last without

00:53:10.730 --> 00:53:12.949
you, but I'm, that's what she says, but I'm living.

00:53:13.309 --> 00:53:15.570
I'm living right like I've said how many times

00:53:15.570 --> 00:53:17.969
have I fucking said that on these episodes I'm

00:53:17.969 --> 00:53:21.969
living so guess what Raquel or whoever you guys

00:53:21.969 --> 00:53:24.750
sitting here listening to this whoever fucking

00:53:24.750 --> 00:53:28.210
conned you whether it was a boss whether it was

00:53:28.210 --> 00:53:35.489
a boyfriend a brother whoever it is we are survivors

00:53:35.489 --> 00:53:41.280
and we made it through And if you're in it right

00:53:41.280 --> 00:53:44.280
now, you guys, you're gonna fucking make it through.

00:53:44.840 --> 00:53:48.139
So I want you to find that song. I want you to

00:53:48.139 --> 00:53:50.820
crank it up in your car, crank it up at the gym,

00:53:51.260 --> 00:53:53.539
whatever you need to fucking do. And I want you

00:53:53.539 --> 00:53:57.280
guys to think about that girl in California,

00:53:59.980 --> 00:54:06.420
22 years old, scared out of her fucking mind

00:54:06.420 --> 00:54:11.889
that if she didn't do what this girl was telling

00:54:11.889 --> 00:54:15.829
her to do that she would lose her father and

00:54:15.829 --> 00:54:20.570
I would possibly lose myself. And if I knew now,

00:54:21.130 --> 00:54:24.989
no, if I knew then what I knew now, which is

00:54:24.989 --> 00:54:29.869
I feel more connected to my father and more protected

00:54:29.869 --> 00:54:34.880
by my father while he's in heaven, than I could

00:54:34.880 --> 00:54:37.940
have ever even felt here, which believe me, I

00:54:37.940 --> 00:54:40.820
always felt that here, but I feel it even more,

00:54:41.719 --> 00:54:45.840
I would have said, you know what, Raquel? Take

00:54:45.840 --> 00:54:50.119
your fucking $5 ,800 and shove it up your fucking

00:54:50.119 --> 00:54:57.820
gypsy ass. Hang on, people. Pain fucking ends.