WEBVTT 00:00:00.270 --> 00:00:06.750 So we dealt last week with discipline specifically. 00:00:08.230 --> 00:00:12.349 And there are a lot of questions. And so I'm 00:00:12.349 --> 00:00:14.529 going to address those this morning eventually 00:00:14.529 --> 00:00:26.769 here. But I want to make sure that we understand. 00:00:28.370 --> 00:00:32.490 That's not a separate thing. So the disciplining, 00:00:32.509 --> 00:00:35.329 the spanking of our children is not separate 00:00:35.329 --> 00:00:37.049 from all these other things that we've talked 00:00:37.049 --> 00:00:42.210 about. And I'm speaking here, I'm thinking specifically 00:00:42.210 --> 00:00:46.590 of the sermon a couple weeks ago on our relationship 00:00:46.590 --> 00:00:52.509 with our children. We talked about developing 00:00:52.509 --> 00:00:56.570 relationships. We talked about playing games 00:00:56.570 --> 00:00:59.759 together. Being interested in their interests. 00:01:00.640 --> 00:01:03.159 Showing our love for them. Showing our concern 00:01:03.159 --> 00:01:06.980 for them. Involving them in our interests. All 00:01:06.980 --> 00:01:09.439 of those things that we talked about as far as 00:01:09.439 --> 00:01:15.540 relationships. Alright? That is essential. That 00:01:15.540 --> 00:01:20.040 is vital to the discipline of our children. And 00:01:20.040 --> 00:01:22.099 again, when I'm saying discipline here, I'm speaking 00:01:22.099 --> 00:01:25.159 of spanking. If you are going to spank your kids, 00:01:26.599 --> 00:01:30.379 That is essential. That they know mom and dad 00:01:30.379 --> 00:01:35.540 love me. Okay? And the way they know that is 00:01:35.540 --> 00:01:38.939 because you've shown that to them. You haven't 00:01:38.939 --> 00:01:42.939 just said it. I love you. Okay? Words mean nothing. 00:01:43.739 --> 00:01:47.420 It's the actions that are most meaningful. I 00:01:47.420 --> 00:01:49.780 shouldn't say words mean nothing. My wife is 00:01:49.780 --> 00:01:54.609 always getting on to me. About... Words of affirmation. 00:01:54.609 --> 00:01:57.250 Saying those things that I mean and I feel. And 00:01:57.250 --> 00:01:58.930 so those things are good. We should be doing 00:01:58.930 --> 00:02:03.170 that. But it's backed up. It's emphasized by 00:02:03.170 --> 00:02:07.209 the way that we act. We show that we love in 00:02:07.209 --> 00:02:12.129 our actions. And that puts validity then to our 00:02:12.129 --> 00:02:15.810 words. So that is essential. And so I want to 00:02:15.810 --> 00:02:18.069 emphasize that this morning. That if you've not 00:02:18.069 --> 00:02:21.509 thought in those terms, you've not thought correctly. 00:02:23.000 --> 00:02:25.759 Discipline is not separate from everything else. 00:02:25.800 --> 00:02:28.419 It all goes hand in hand. It works together. 00:02:29.020 --> 00:02:32.379 And in that togetherness is where there is success, 00:02:32.520 --> 00:02:35.460 if you want to think like that. Okay, that's 00:02:35.460 --> 00:02:38.699 where the blessing comes. Because what is our 00:02:38.699 --> 00:02:41.960 goal in this discipline? We've already said, 00:02:42.159 --> 00:02:45.460 first and foremost, it's what? The glory of God. 00:02:46.780 --> 00:02:50.219 That's everything that we do. We're disciplining 00:02:50.219 --> 00:02:52.379 our children. We're spanking them for the glory 00:02:52.379 --> 00:02:55.460 of God. We're spanking them out of obedience 00:02:55.460 --> 00:02:58.919 to God. Not because we want to. Just because 00:02:58.919 --> 00:03:02.680 it's fun. Or we're just supposed to. We're doing 00:03:02.680 --> 00:03:05.620 it because God has told us to do it. We love 00:03:05.620 --> 00:03:09.439 God. And we're going to obey his commands. Okay? 00:03:09.620 --> 00:03:13.280 For his glory. For our good. That's our motivation. 00:03:13.639 --> 00:03:19.289 That's the first and foremost thing. And then 00:03:19.289 --> 00:03:27.490 we go on with this. So this is essential. That 00:03:27.490 --> 00:03:30.909 we have this relationship, this love, and this 00:03:30.909 --> 00:03:36.550 obedience to God. I want to emphasize as well 00:03:36.550 --> 00:03:42.610 here, again, I think I did this last week. The 00:03:42.610 --> 00:03:48.469 necessity of starting early. I'm going to say 00:03:48.469 --> 00:03:50.389 these things, and see, this is one of those things 00:03:50.389 --> 00:03:52.069 that I mentioned in the very, very beginning, 00:03:52.169 --> 00:03:56.550 that this is where offense comes in, because 00:03:56.550 --> 00:03:59.889 dealing with our children is a personal issue. 00:04:00.349 --> 00:04:03.349 It's very personal, right? If I come to you and 00:04:03.349 --> 00:04:06.189 I say, hey, brother, I'm seeing you do this, 00:04:06.210 --> 00:04:09.729 this, and this with your kids, and you're not 00:04:09.729 --> 00:04:12.349 right here, you're going to be like, whoa, who 00:04:12.349 --> 00:04:16.029 are you, right? That's our first reaction. So 00:04:16.029 --> 00:04:18.949 it's difficult. And so I want to warn you here. 00:04:19.050 --> 00:04:20.430 I'm going to tell you these things. Hopefully 00:04:20.430 --> 00:04:22.189 we're in agreement. But if you're not, if you 00:04:22.189 --> 00:04:25.529 parents, you young parents, if you're not disciplining 00:04:25.529 --> 00:04:30.529 your children now, you're not doing it right. 00:04:31.410 --> 00:04:36.410 The time has begun and it's past. Okay? It's 00:04:36.410 --> 00:04:39.069 not we're waiting for them. They're all old enough. 00:04:39.089 --> 00:04:40.689 That's what I'm telling you. They're all old 00:04:40.689 --> 00:04:44.329 enough. Okay? Every last one of them. If you 00:04:44.329 --> 00:04:47.829 don't think that, you're thinking wrongly. You're 00:04:47.829 --> 00:04:50.889 not thinking biblically. And you're not receiving 00:04:50.889 --> 00:04:54.569 the counsel of all of the elders. And so there 00:04:54.569 --> 00:04:57.370 you've set yourself above the word of God and 00:04:57.370 --> 00:05:00.009 those who are in authority. Hopefully we're all 00:05:00.009 --> 00:05:03.149 in agreement there. Hopefully we are. But I feel 00:05:03.149 --> 00:05:05.930 compelled to say that. And I feel compelled to 00:05:05.930 --> 00:05:08.730 say that for all of you young people who don't 00:05:08.730 --> 00:05:14.290 have kids yet, that you can see this is the time. 00:05:15.850 --> 00:05:17.629 How do I know it's the time? Because I've seen 00:05:17.629 --> 00:05:22.069 your kids. I've watched them. I've seen what's 00:05:22.069 --> 00:05:25.529 going on. I see how they are. I raised five of 00:05:25.529 --> 00:05:30.329 them. And it's funny, I look back before you 00:05:30.329 --> 00:05:32.790 guys had all your kids, and Amanda and I have 00:05:32.790 --> 00:05:36.490 had these conversations. When did we start? Again, 00:05:36.509 --> 00:05:39.610 that was 14 years ago that we were dealing with 00:05:39.610 --> 00:05:41.990 little babies. And so you're trying to think, 00:05:42.189 --> 00:05:44.930 when did we really start? When did it begin? 00:05:45.930 --> 00:05:47.750 And I'm looking at all you guys and thinking, 00:05:47.810 --> 00:05:52.410 it began. It began at this time. I'm full in 00:05:52.410 --> 00:05:55.230 it already. So I want to encourage you in that. 00:05:55.310 --> 00:06:00.569 If you've not begun, you're late. We talked about 00:06:00.569 --> 00:06:04.170 training. Train up your child in the way that 00:06:04.170 --> 00:06:10.490 he will go. That training starts now. Because 00:06:10.490 --> 00:06:13.980 you're training one way or the other. You're 00:06:13.980 --> 00:06:16.100 either training them in the ways of the Lord 00:06:16.100 --> 00:06:18.319 and in the proper discipline and instruction 00:06:18.319 --> 00:06:20.720 of the Lord, or you're not training them that 00:06:20.720 --> 00:06:25.439 way at all. And so you're failing in that. So 00:06:25.439 --> 00:06:28.759 understand, you're training them one way or another, 00:06:28.879 --> 00:06:31.079 whether it's intentional or not, whether it's 00:06:31.079 --> 00:06:33.620 through not disciplining or disciplining. You're 00:06:33.620 --> 00:06:36.920 training your children. Make sure we all understand 00:06:36.920 --> 00:06:42.259 that. You're training in everything you do, good 00:06:42.259 --> 00:06:48.399 or bad. So, one question that we had last week 00:06:48.399 --> 00:06:52.680 was these verses talking about train up your 00:06:52.680 --> 00:06:56.459 child. What is a child? Who are we defining here? 00:06:57.279 --> 00:06:59.560 Along these same lines, when does discipline 00:06:59.560 --> 00:07:03.660 begin and when does it end? The spanking, specifically. 00:07:04.420 --> 00:07:07.800 And so, these passages that we read last week 00:07:07.800 --> 00:07:09.600 all through Proverbs, they're dealing with young 00:07:09.600 --> 00:07:13.879 children. They're dealing with these Little infants, 00:07:14.100 --> 00:07:16.839 these little toddlers, these little guys, right? 00:07:17.360 --> 00:07:20.860 And then there comes a point that I think, again, 00:07:20.920 --> 00:07:26.079 our spanking is going to end. And I was talking 00:07:26.079 --> 00:07:27.980 with Amanda about this. I was trying to think 00:07:27.980 --> 00:07:31.639 about my own life. The last time I got spanked 00:07:31.639 --> 00:07:34.399 that I remember, I'm not saying my memory is 00:07:34.399 --> 00:07:37.399 perfect here, but we were in our new house after 00:07:37.399 --> 00:07:41.870 the fire, and I was like 11. When the house burned 00:07:41.870 --> 00:07:44.709 down, I think. And so a year or so they were 00:07:44.709 --> 00:07:47.149 building. And so I was around 13 is what I'm 00:07:47.149 --> 00:07:50.370 thinking. That I remember getting spanked and 00:07:50.370 --> 00:07:52.410 in the new house. So I was somewhere in there. 00:07:53.009 --> 00:07:55.310 And I think that was the last time. It was me 00:07:55.310 --> 00:07:57.430 and John fighting. I think we threw some punches 00:07:57.430 --> 00:08:01.889 that time. And I think that was the last time 00:08:01.889 --> 00:08:04.329 I got spanked. And then we were thinking about 00:08:04.329 --> 00:08:08.089 our kids. And it was around that same time. 12, 00:08:08.170 --> 00:08:10.490 13, again, and it's different for each child. 00:08:10.689 --> 00:08:12.689 I will say that. It's not going to be the same. 00:08:13.430 --> 00:08:18.310 And so one of the other questions that was asked 00:08:18.310 --> 00:08:23.569 is what do we do after that? Well, that's going 00:08:23.569 --> 00:08:27.689 to be different for each child. Again, I'm not 00:08:27.689 --> 00:08:31.269 a big fan of the grounding. It might be necessary 00:08:31.269 --> 00:08:35.789 at times. I'm totally opposed to that when you 00:08:35.789 --> 00:08:38.909 should be spanking. Because it's immediate discipline 00:08:38.909 --> 00:08:43.269 and it's over. It's done. It's forgiveness. It's 00:08:43.269 --> 00:08:45.929 done, right? It's in the past now. You've gotten 00:08:45.929 --> 00:08:49.210 your spanking. You've demonstrated a good attitude 00:08:49.210 --> 00:08:52.789 here. You've received your instruction. And let's 00:08:52.789 --> 00:08:55.649 never think about that again. That's how God 00:08:55.649 --> 00:08:57.690 treats us. And so that's how we want to treat 00:08:57.690 --> 00:09:02.230 our children. But when they're older then, perhaps 00:09:02.230 --> 00:09:04.450 there's going to be some other consequences here. 00:09:04.549 --> 00:09:09.289 We can't spank them. And so maybe there is going 00:09:09.289 --> 00:09:12.409 to be some privileges taken away. Their phone, 00:09:12.570 --> 00:09:14.450 their games, they're not going out with their 00:09:14.450 --> 00:09:16.230 friends. Maybe they're going to miss some sports 00:09:16.230 --> 00:09:22.470 stuff. I don't know what each child needs and 00:09:22.470 --> 00:09:26.990 what that circumstance is going to require. There's, 00:09:26.990 --> 00:09:30.690 again, seeking the Lord for wisdom, seeking counsel 00:09:30.690 --> 00:09:33.789 from those older than you, those who have experienced 00:09:33.789 --> 00:09:37.070 these things. Again, I want to emphasize that. 00:09:37.610 --> 00:09:41.549 Seeking counsel from older and wiser saints. 00:09:43.929 --> 00:09:46.990 When we look for counsel, I preached on counsel, 00:09:47.049 --> 00:09:49.889 it's been a long time ago, but who do we go to 00:09:49.889 --> 00:09:54.570 for counsel? We don't go to somebody who's, we 00:09:54.570 --> 00:09:56.370 look at their lives and we think, boy, they are 00:09:56.370 --> 00:09:59.929 just a wreck. Their kids are a mess. Let me find 00:09:59.929 --> 00:10:03.429 out what they did so I can do that. That's nonsense, 00:10:03.690 --> 00:10:06.000 right? Now, we may want to go and say, what did 00:10:06.000 --> 00:10:08.679 you do so I know what not to do? But I wouldn't 00:10:08.679 --> 00:10:11.779 advise it. We're going to go to somebody who 00:10:11.779 --> 00:10:14.679 we can say, hey, they seem to have had success 00:10:14.679 --> 00:10:17.019 here. It seems as though they were obedient to 00:10:17.019 --> 00:10:19.580 the Lord. And they went through some of these 00:10:19.580 --> 00:10:21.179 same things that I'm going through. Let me go 00:10:21.179 --> 00:10:24.179 find out what they experienced, what they can 00:10:24.179 --> 00:10:29.340 tell me. What do they know? We don't just go 00:10:29.340 --> 00:10:32.539 to our peers. I gave the example years ago of 00:10:32.539 --> 00:10:37.220 Solomon's son. Rehoboam, what did he do? After 00:10:37.220 --> 00:10:39.559 he became king, the people came to him and said, 00:10:39.679 --> 00:10:42.539 lighten this load for us. Your father really 00:10:42.539 --> 00:10:45.100 put a heavy burden on us. Lighten it and we'll 00:10:45.100 --> 00:10:48.580 serve you forever. He went to his old counselors 00:10:48.580 --> 00:10:50.440 and they said, yeah, lighten it and these people 00:10:50.440 --> 00:10:52.559 will serve you forever and the kingdom will be 00:10:52.559 --> 00:10:55.080 established. He went to the young men and they 00:10:55.080 --> 00:10:57.940 said, oh no, put a heavy burden on them. Your 00:10:57.940 --> 00:11:00.100 father's burden was light compared to what you're 00:11:00.100 --> 00:11:01.399 going to put on them. He said, oh yeah, that's 00:11:01.399 --> 00:11:04.690 what I'm doing. Kingdom was divided. Israel and 00:11:04.690 --> 00:11:08.649 Judah from then on. Foolishness. Utter foolishness. 00:11:08.669 --> 00:11:11.950 Going to his peers for his counsel. When he should 00:11:11.950 --> 00:11:14.350 have listened to the older, wiser men that the 00:11:14.350 --> 00:11:18.529 Lord had given him. Go to those older, wiser 00:11:18.529 --> 00:11:21.889 people. There's nothing wrong with getting counsel 00:11:21.889 --> 00:11:24.710 from your peers. There's nothing wrong with going 00:11:24.710 --> 00:11:27.009 to each other and saying, hey, this is what we're 00:11:27.009 --> 00:11:29.889 doing. This is what we're experiencing. What 00:11:29.889 --> 00:11:32.899 do you think? There's nothing wrong with that, 00:11:32.980 --> 00:11:37.799 but you should go elsewhere as well, right? There 00:11:37.799 --> 00:11:41.659 is safety in a multitude of counselors, the Proverbs 00:11:41.659 --> 00:11:46.379 tell us. So don't limit yourself there. And of 00:11:46.379 --> 00:11:48.980 course, we do not go to the world. I hope we 00:11:48.980 --> 00:11:51.720 all understand, through everything that I've 00:11:51.720 --> 00:11:55.679 preached these number of weeks, it is all... 00:11:56.959 --> 00:12:00.500 So contrary to everything you will hear in our 00:12:00.500 --> 00:12:06.960 society today. I would be ridiculed for the things 00:12:06.960 --> 00:12:10.360 that I've said. I would be told that I'm a terrible 00:12:10.360 --> 00:12:15.879 father, a terrible husband, domineering, authoritarian, 00:12:16.679 --> 00:12:21.240 harmful, demeaning. All of those things is what 00:12:21.240 --> 00:12:23.860 they would tell me that I am from what I've told 00:12:23.860 --> 00:12:29.700 you. That's the world's idea. They are so far 00:12:29.700 --> 00:12:36.779 from the word of God. Do not go there. Do not 00:12:36.779 --> 00:12:42.100 listen. Run from it. I cannot emphasize that 00:12:42.100 --> 00:12:46.820 enough. They seek the destruction of their children. 00:12:47.000 --> 00:12:49.039 That's what the Proverbs tell us. That's what 00:12:49.039 --> 00:12:51.740 they do in the way that they deal with their 00:12:51.740 --> 00:12:56.750 children is they seek their destruction. It's 00:12:56.750 --> 00:12:58.710 not my words. That's the Proverbs. That's what 00:12:58.710 --> 00:13:03.289 we read last week. I could read it to you again. 00:13:03.690 --> 00:13:06.529 I'm not going to. We read it. Look up the verses 00:13:06.529 --> 00:13:08.970 that we had from last week. All the verses on 00:13:08.970 --> 00:13:22.950 Proverbs. Don't go there. So, relationship is 00:13:22.950 --> 00:13:27.909 key. Again, I want to emphasize that. Dealing 00:13:27.909 --> 00:13:32.289 with our children in love. Guys, I'm sorry. There's 00:13:32.289 --> 00:13:34.970 so much that we could talk about on so many issues 00:13:34.970 --> 00:13:37.789 here. On so many situations that you're going 00:13:37.789 --> 00:13:42.669 to find yourselves in. I felt like I preached 00:13:42.669 --> 00:13:45.309 so long last week. I felt then afterwards that 00:13:45.309 --> 00:13:49.990 I barely scratched the surface. Love. Dealing 00:13:49.990 --> 00:13:57.950 in love is essential. Discipline is love. That's 00:13:57.950 --> 00:14:01.809 what it is. It is showing our love to our kids. 00:14:02.730 --> 00:14:05.889 If you love them, you'll discipline them, just 00:14:05.889 --> 00:14:09.649 as our Heavenly Father does for us. It's not 00:14:09.649 --> 00:14:15.909 pleasant, but it's necessary. Discipline and 00:14:15.909 --> 00:14:25.519 love. And then I want to emphasize here this 00:14:25.519 --> 00:14:29.679 whole idea. There's a book out there, Shepherding 00:14:29.679 --> 00:14:33.480 a Child's Heart. It's a good book. It's not perfect. 00:14:33.779 --> 00:14:35.940 He talks in there some things about spanking. 00:14:36.039 --> 00:14:38.799 He's pro -spanking. But I don't agree with everything 00:14:38.799 --> 00:14:41.480 that he says about the way spanking should be 00:14:41.480 --> 00:14:43.419 done. I think I said it last week. It's one. 00:14:43.700 --> 00:14:47.360 We always did one. Well, maybe when they were 00:14:47.360 --> 00:14:50.120 a little bitty, we might slap their hand a couple 00:14:50.120 --> 00:14:53.769 times or something. Generally, one was enough. 00:14:53.970 --> 00:14:58.110 I mean, you're an adult here. Surely one swat 00:14:58.110 --> 00:15:05.570 is enough, okay? And I talked about slapping 00:15:05.570 --> 00:15:09.250 their hand in the beginning and then swatting 00:15:09.250 --> 00:15:11.190 them on the leg there, not through the diaper, 00:15:11.309 --> 00:15:15.470 and then moving up to a paddle. We had a paddle. 00:15:17.070 --> 00:15:20.090 Yay big. Something like that, I don't know, right 00:15:20.090 --> 00:15:23.700 there. About that wide and that long where it 00:15:23.700 --> 00:15:26.580 would spank you. I'm sure most of you have seen 00:15:26.580 --> 00:15:29.860 it. One swat. One swat, that's it. We're done. 00:15:30.019 --> 00:15:34.080 We're moving on. Unless there was rebellion and 00:15:34.080 --> 00:15:42.600 continual whining and crying. One done. That's 00:15:42.600 --> 00:15:46.759 what I found to be very beneficial, very profitable, 00:15:46.919 --> 00:15:59.240 very good. But it's all to be done in love. And 00:15:59.240 --> 00:16:01.779 so we want their hearts. So shepherding a child's 00:16:01.779 --> 00:16:03.960 heart. There's some good things there. Some really 00:16:03.960 --> 00:16:07.500 good things. We want our children's hearts. And 00:16:07.500 --> 00:16:11.059 that's why relationship is so essential. We want 00:16:11.059 --> 00:16:13.299 them to know we're doing this for their good. 00:16:14.440 --> 00:16:17.059 They may not think of it that way. And they won't. 00:16:17.519 --> 00:16:19.919 But there will come a time where they will realize 00:16:19.919 --> 00:16:24.720 mom and dad were right. I hope that's the case 00:16:24.720 --> 00:16:26.940 for every one of us, that we can look back and 00:16:26.940 --> 00:16:31.779 we can say, yeah, I didn't like it. I know there 00:16:31.779 --> 00:16:34.259 was a time when I was a child and I thought, 00:16:34.279 --> 00:16:37.840 I deserve this. I deserve what's coming here. 00:16:39.080 --> 00:16:43.080 I don't like it. Don't like it one bit, but I 00:16:43.080 --> 00:16:46.100 know I got it coming because I know I'm wrong. 00:16:47.639 --> 00:16:50.019 That's what we want from our children. We want 00:16:50.019 --> 00:16:52.879 them to see their sin. We want them to see the 00:16:52.879 --> 00:16:56.139 error of their ways. We want to instruct them 00:16:56.139 --> 00:17:00.240 in that. And so that's where the beginning message, 00:17:00.379 --> 00:17:03.620 instructing our children, comes in. What is right? 00:17:03.659 --> 00:17:07.000 What is wrong? Where do we get these things from? 00:17:07.039 --> 00:17:11.240 The Word of God. And so we want their hearts. 00:17:11.680 --> 00:17:16.890 We want them to love us. And then to know that 00:17:16.890 --> 00:17:22.329 we love them. Along those same lines then, what 00:17:22.329 --> 00:17:24.750 does the world tell us? Well, if you spank him, 00:17:24.789 --> 00:17:28.130 he's going to hate you. Right? He's going to 00:17:28.130 --> 00:17:31.549 be angry with you. If you discipline him, then 00:17:31.549 --> 00:17:34.650 you're ruining all of these things. That's all 00:17:34.650 --> 00:17:39.150 nonsense. It's amazing the way children are. 00:17:40.390 --> 00:17:42.250 You can be the worst parent in the world. Your 00:17:42.250 --> 00:17:46.720 kid loves you. It is so... That's how God has 00:17:46.720 --> 00:17:54.819 made us. When we love our children and we discipline 00:17:54.819 --> 00:17:58.400 our children, they will love us in return. That's 00:17:58.400 --> 00:18:01.440 all there is to it. Those of us who have older 00:18:01.440 --> 00:18:06.440 kids, we've failed them. We've messed up time 00:18:06.440 --> 00:18:11.779 and again. And I think we can all say they love 00:18:11.779 --> 00:18:18.369 us. When we've disciplined them properly. So 00:18:18.369 --> 00:18:20.750 again, those are just lies. Those are lies of 00:18:20.750 --> 00:18:24.089 Satan, lies of the devil. Again, I wrote this 00:18:24.089 --> 00:18:25.609 one down. You're going to teach them to hit. 00:18:25.710 --> 00:18:27.410 Well, if you hit them, you're teaching them to 00:18:27.410 --> 00:18:30.750 hit. No, you're teaching them if you hit, it's 00:18:30.750 --> 00:18:34.450 in really bad consequences, so don't do it. It's 00:18:34.450 --> 00:18:36.130 going to be more painful for you than it was 00:18:36.130 --> 00:18:43.180 for whoever else. So don't even go there. The 00:18:43.180 --> 00:18:47.019 lies and the wrong thinking is rampant. So we 00:18:47.019 --> 00:18:49.900 want their hearts. We want relationship. We want 00:18:49.900 --> 00:18:53.920 to shepherd them in that way. So I would encourage 00:18:53.920 --> 00:18:57.960 you to read that book. It's a good book. Again, 00:18:58.059 --> 00:19:01.099 as is every book. There's no book perfect out 00:19:01.099 --> 00:19:03.579 there except the Word of God. And so you're going 00:19:03.579 --> 00:19:05.819 to have to, again, read with wisdom and discernment. 00:19:06.240 --> 00:19:10.900 But there's a lot of good things there. Okay. 00:19:14.640 --> 00:19:17.099 I didn't say this last week, and so I want to 00:19:17.099 --> 00:19:20.380 say this now, that discipline should not be humiliating 00:19:20.380 --> 00:19:24.759 or embarrassing intentionally. All right? What 00:19:24.759 --> 00:19:31.240 do I mean by that? I spank my children in front 00:19:31.240 --> 00:19:36.480 of people at times. It's when they were younger, 00:19:37.440 --> 00:19:43.339 you know, one or two, and it wasn't always the... 00:19:43.630 --> 00:19:45.529 you know looking back i think maybe i should 00:19:45.529 --> 00:19:47.009 have gone somewhere else but it was just kind 00:19:47.009 --> 00:19:51.630 of an immediate you know reaction so to speak 00:19:51.630 --> 00:19:54.549 to their defiance or their disobedience you know 00:19:54.549 --> 00:19:59.410 it wasn't an anger and i remember thinking yeah 00:19:59.410 --> 00:20:02.309 i could tell they they were to the point where 00:20:02.309 --> 00:20:04.589 they were kind of self -aware of what's going 00:20:04.589 --> 00:20:06.970 on that people are watching things like that 00:20:07.660 --> 00:20:10.700 And I kind of regretted that. And so we're not 00:20:10.700 --> 00:20:13.339 wanting to embarrass our kids and humiliate them 00:20:13.339 --> 00:20:15.140 through discipline. That's not the point of it. 00:20:15.539 --> 00:20:22.779 And so it's a personal matter. We generally are 00:20:22.779 --> 00:20:24.980 going to take them aside and deal with that. 00:20:26.039 --> 00:20:28.019 Again, it may be required that they're going 00:20:28.019 --> 00:20:30.640 to have to give a public apology there if it's 00:20:30.640 --> 00:20:32.859 in front of friends or family or whatever. That 00:20:32.859 --> 00:20:35.539 might be necessary and that might be humbling, 00:20:35.680 --> 00:20:40.039 which is fine. But it's not humiliating. So we're 00:20:40.039 --> 00:20:43.079 not looking to humiliate our children. You know, 00:20:43.079 --> 00:20:45.819 one thing in, I think Amanda said in Shepherding 00:20:45.819 --> 00:20:49.200 Child's Heart, he talks about pulling their pants 00:20:49.200 --> 00:20:51.019 down and giving them a spanking. We never did 00:20:51.019 --> 00:20:53.640 that. I don't think that that's necessary. I 00:20:53.640 --> 00:20:55.440 think that's more humiliating than anything else. 00:20:55.720 --> 00:21:03.500 And I don't like that. That's me. That's my thoughts 00:21:03.500 --> 00:21:06.940 on the matter. But as we deal with our children, 00:21:07.079 --> 00:21:10.440 we're not humiliating them. We're not, you know, 00:21:10.440 --> 00:21:13.400 that's not the goal. That's not the goal. Especially 00:21:13.400 --> 00:21:18.640 as they get older. Yelling is not discipline. 00:21:19.279 --> 00:21:22.160 I didn't say that last week. So yelling is not 00:21:22.160 --> 00:21:35.670 discipline. That's sin. Yelling often results 00:21:35.670 --> 00:21:40.849 from permissive parenting. So what do I mean 00:21:40.849 --> 00:21:44.990 by that? Well, you've been patient. And I use 00:21:44.990 --> 00:21:48.109 those air quotes for a reason. Because you haven't 00:21:48.109 --> 00:21:50.670 been patient, you've been permissive. You've 00:21:50.670 --> 00:21:55.250 just allowed it to continue. So, you know, little 00:21:55.250 --> 00:21:58.210 Johnny just keeps doing that same thing. And 00:21:58.210 --> 00:22:02.740 you've told him. And now he keeps doing it. And 00:22:02.740 --> 00:22:07.339 before long, you're like, hey, I said quit. Right? 00:22:07.400 --> 00:22:11.980 And that's not what we're going for. It's not 00:22:11.980 --> 00:22:17.259 what we want. Okay? It should be the first time, 00:22:17.279 --> 00:22:19.319 the instruction, if that's what's necessary. 00:22:19.660 --> 00:22:23.160 And the second time, a spanking. Done. Hey, I 00:22:23.160 --> 00:22:25.140 told you. I told you we're not doing that. You've 00:22:25.140 --> 00:22:28.980 disobeyed. Spanking. But permissive behavior 00:22:28.980 --> 00:22:34.579 often results in frustration and anger. Deal 00:22:34.579 --> 00:22:39.220 with that. Immediately, and oftentimes the yelling 00:22:39.220 --> 00:22:43.660 is eliminated. Okay? Yelling is not discipline. 00:22:45.420 --> 00:22:47.940 And it should never be a part of our homes as 00:22:47.940 --> 00:22:50.460 Christians. That's not what we, we're not going 00:22:50.460 --> 00:22:52.779 for that. In our homes, yelling at each other. 00:22:53.660 --> 00:22:57.549 Okay? That's not good. Especially with our children. 00:22:57.710 --> 00:23:01.650 So, don't be permissive with your children and 00:23:01.650 --> 00:23:05.869 just allow it to go on and on and on. Okay? In 00:23:05.869 --> 00:23:10.809 other words, whining. Allowing whining is permissive 00:23:10.809 --> 00:23:17.869 behavior on your part. There is no whining. What 00:23:17.869 --> 00:23:23.690 is whining? What is it? It's rebellion. That's 00:23:23.690 --> 00:23:29.680 all it is. It's discontent. It's expressing your 00:23:29.680 --> 00:23:34.660 opposition. It's rebellion. It's everything the 00:23:34.660 --> 00:23:37.319 Israelites did all through the wilderness. That's 00:23:37.319 --> 00:23:40.240 all it was. They continually whined to the Lord. 00:23:40.779 --> 00:23:47.160 Why? Why are we here? Why did we leave Egypt? 00:23:48.279 --> 00:23:56.519 Mom, can't that just have one? Why? That's sin. 00:23:57.400 --> 00:24:03.099 That's sin. Don't tolerate it. Begging. Mom, 00:24:03.119 --> 00:24:05.799 can I please have one? Dad, can I just have one? 00:24:06.099 --> 00:24:10.319 Can we just go here? You tell them no. Okay, 00:24:10.359 --> 00:24:15.400 well, but that's a spanking. They should know. 00:24:15.599 --> 00:24:21.359 You've given the answer. That's the answer. To 00:24:21.359 --> 00:24:24.039 ask again after you've been given the answer. 00:24:24.640 --> 00:24:29.079 Is to say what? Dad you're wrong. Mom you're 00:24:29.079 --> 00:24:33.099 wrong. Listen to me. I'm right. They're exerting 00:24:33.099 --> 00:24:39.480 their will. That's a spanking. It sounds extreme. 00:24:40.519 --> 00:24:47.039 And it maybe is. But it's what is required. Because 00:24:47.039 --> 00:24:48.740 we're teaching them. And we're training them. 00:24:48.960 --> 00:24:52.819 What happens when they go to their job? Go do 00:24:52.819 --> 00:24:57.400 this. Why? Why do I have to be the guy to do 00:24:57.400 --> 00:25:01.059 that? I deal with that at work. Why is that my 00:25:01.059 --> 00:25:05.599 job? I'm not the low man. I know, but somebody's 00:25:05.599 --> 00:25:10.480 got to do it. Just go do it. What do we want 00:25:10.480 --> 00:25:14.279 to teach our children? To be good employees. 00:25:15.460 --> 00:25:18.859 Boss says go do something, go do it. Yeah, you 00:25:18.859 --> 00:25:23.119 may not like it. Who cares? That's life. But 00:25:23.119 --> 00:25:26.019 what are you teaching when you don't require 00:25:26.019 --> 00:25:29.099 that same behavior? Immediate obedience without 00:25:29.099 --> 00:25:34.420 whining. Without nagging. Don't allow it. That's 00:25:34.420 --> 00:25:37.720 permissive behavior. That's what you're doing. 00:25:37.880 --> 00:25:40.299 It's not patience. I want to be clear on that. 00:25:40.339 --> 00:25:46.099 It's not patience. Patience is what? Spanking 00:25:46.099 --> 00:25:52.410 them. Showing them love. Instructing them. Spanking 00:25:52.410 --> 00:25:56.089 them again. Showing them love. Instructing them. 00:25:57.349 --> 00:26:01.869 Spanking them again. All calmly, peacefully, 00:26:02.269 --> 00:26:06.869 gently, lovingly. That's patience. That's how 00:26:06.869 --> 00:26:08.849 we deal with one another. That's how we deal 00:26:08.849 --> 00:26:10.930 with our children. That's how the Lord deals 00:26:10.930 --> 00:26:17.609 with us. Suffering long. Okay? That's patience. 00:26:19.720 --> 00:26:22.299 So don't give in to those things and don't be 00:26:22.299 --> 00:26:25.180 permissive. Another thing I wrote down here. 00:26:28.660 --> 00:26:31.380 Laughing at them. Laughing at their funniness. 00:26:33.000 --> 00:26:37.779 Okay? Funniness. They're cute, right? We've all 00:26:37.779 --> 00:26:41.339 seen it. They're looking at you and they're scooting 00:26:41.339 --> 00:26:44.140 closer to the thing and next thing you know they're 00:26:44.140 --> 00:26:46.859 touching it and they're like... And it's funny. 00:26:47.019 --> 00:26:48.559 We look at that and it's kind of funny, right? 00:26:48.640 --> 00:26:50.339 Because it's like... What's going through their 00:26:50.339 --> 00:26:53.039 mind? They know I see them. They know they're 00:26:53.039 --> 00:26:56.339 not supposed to do it. When we laugh at that 00:26:56.339 --> 00:26:59.759 type of behavior, what have we done? We've encouraged 00:26:59.759 --> 00:27:04.299 it. We've said that's cute. Oh, you're a cutie. 00:27:05.940 --> 00:27:09.880 Don't encourage that. We found ourselves, Michael 00:27:09.880 --> 00:27:14.680 was a piece of work. He'd be just some funny 00:27:14.680 --> 00:27:17.660 stuff that he would do. But it would be, again, 00:27:17.880 --> 00:27:20.579 because you're like, What is this kid? Where 00:27:20.579 --> 00:27:23.380 did that come from? But there would be times 00:27:23.380 --> 00:27:28.799 where we were literally like trying not to chuckle 00:27:28.799 --> 00:27:31.819 at this behavior because we had to spank him 00:27:31.819 --> 00:27:34.180 for it. But you're sitting there thinking, what 00:27:34.180 --> 00:27:36.779 is this kid thinking? Where did that come from? 00:27:38.599 --> 00:27:41.319 Don't laugh because that just encourages that 00:27:41.319 --> 00:27:44.359 behavior. That says that's funny and okay. All 00:27:44.359 --> 00:27:49.710 right? Don't do it. You cannot do it. You've 00:27:49.710 --> 00:27:51.769 got to see it for what it is, right? We think 00:27:51.769 --> 00:27:55.029 it's cute. What is it? It's sin. Sin's not funny. 00:27:56.309 --> 00:27:58.569 Okay? That's how you've got to view it. And if 00:27:58.569 --> 00:28:01.609 you view it in that way, it's not nearly as funny. 00:28:02.589 --> 00:28:10.430 Okay? So, beware of that. Amanda pointed this 00:28:10.430 --> 00:28:12.930 out to me, and so I want to say this. You know, 00:28:12.950 --> 00:28:14.849 we talked about if you're chasing your kids, 00:28:15.069 --> 00:28:18.829 you've got problems. Okay? Immediate obedience 00:28:18.829 --> 00:28:23.210 is what is expected. You call, they come. And 00:28:23.210 --> 00:28:26.349 she said something to me about training the kids 00:28:26.349 --> 00:28:30.190 to hear your voice. So when they hear mom or 00:28:30.190 --> 00:28:34.109 dad's voice, they know, I need to listen to this. 00:28:34.289 --> 00:28:37.109 I need to hear whatever's being said here. This 00:28:37.109 --> 00:28:40.289 might refer to me. This might mean I need to 00:28:40.289 --> 00:28:44.180 do something or go somewhere, whatever. And so 00:28:44.180 --> 00:28:46.980 when they hear your voice, they know, they perk 00:28:46.980 --> 00:28:51.839 up. And we've all trained ourselves like that 00:28:51.839 --> 00:28:54.539 in certain ways. We hear certain things and we're 00:28:54.539 --> 00:28:57.940 alert to what's going on. Your children should 00:28:57.940 --> 00:29:01.240 be the same. When they hear your voice, they 00:29:01.240 --> 00:29:04.259 should know, I better listen to this. I better 00:29:04.259 --> 00:29:08.079 pay attention. Something important could be said 00:29:08.079 --> 00:29:11.720 and be referring to me here. So that's important 00:29:11.720 --> 00:29:16.180 in the training of our children. And again, we 00:29:16.180 --> 00:29:19.740 don't want to be yelling at them. At our house, 00:29:19.759 --> 00:29:23.359 we found I was always yelling at the kids because 00:29:23.359 --> 00:29:25.140 they were in the basement. So you're like, hey! 00:29:25.819 --> 00:29:27.519 Because they're down there making all kinds of 00:29:27.519 --> 00:29:29.720 noise, they can't hear anything. And you're yelling 00:29:29.720 --> 00:29:31.779 down the stairs and it's around the corner and 00:29:31.779 --> 00:29:34.720 you're just, Caleb! You're just yelling at them. 00:29:34.900 --> 00:29:36.599 Not because they're in trouble, but you just 00:29:36.599 --> 00:29:38.660 need them to do something. It's time for dinner 00:29:38.660 --> 00:29:42.349 or whatever. That's not what we want. And so 00:29:42.349 --> 00:29:44.210 we were like, fine, we're going to flip the switch. 00:29:44.930 --> 00:29:47.369 The light's on off. And they know the light goes 00:29:47.369 --> 00:29:49.130 on and off. They've got to come running because 00:29:49.130 --> 00:29:52.049 mom or dad want them for something. So don't 00:29:52.049 --> 00:29:55.130 train them to respond to the yell. Train them 00:29:55.130 --> 00:29:57.109 to respond to the voice. That's what you want. 00:29:58.250 --> 00:30:01.890 I hear, I'm listening. And I'm coming or I'm 00:30:01.890 --> 00:30:07.730 doing whatever I need to be doing. All of that 00:30:07.730 --> 00:30:11.920 can be trained at home. And so again, training 00:30:11.920 --> 00:30:17.079 our children is going to require effort and even 00:30:17.079 --> 00:30:20.940 time set aside for that. When you're home and 00:30:20.940 --> 00:30:23.059 you're having your family devotions or you're 00:30:23.059 --> 00:30:25.779 done with that, there can be a time of training 00:30:25.779 --> 00:30:29.819 there. Kids are playing and you can tell them 00:30:29.819 --> 00:30:32.559 different things, work on different things. They're 00:30:32.559 --> 00:30:35.720 playing, they're distracted, and you can say, 00:30:35.779 --> 00:30:40.859 hey, come here. the immediate response is not 00:30:40.859 --> 00:30:42.400 going to be come to you because they're playing. 00:30:42.619 --> 00:30:45.099 And so you've got to train them. Hey, I said 00:30:45.099 --> 00:30:47.599 to come, and when mom and dad say come, you come 00:30:47.599 --> 00:30:52.119 right away. Put your toys down. They don't matter. 00:30:53.160 --> 00:30:58.420 You come. And then you instruct, and you send 00:30:58.420 --> 00:31:00.799 them back to play. And ten minutes later, when 00:31:00.799 --> 00:31:04.000 they're fully engrossed, you do it again. Come 00:31:04.000 --> 00:31:08.299 to me. And then, again, you go on with that. 00:31:08.750 --> 00:31:11.390 Whether that needs to be a spanking now or whatever, 00:31:11.630 --> 00:31:15.910 you've got to decide. But that's training your 00:31:15.910 --> 00:31:20.549 children. Expectations at a young age. Training 00:31:20.549 --> 00:31:25.670 them in that way. That book that I gave, I think, 00:31:25.690 --> 00:31:28.130 most of you, Training to Train Up a Child, he 00:31:28.130 --> 00:31:30.490 gives some examples in there that I've experienced 00:31:30.490 --> 00:31:33.490 in my own life of life and death situations based 00:31:33.490 --> 00:31:37.440 on my voice. Caleb. Derner died one time running 00:31:37.440 --> 00:31:41.680 out into the street, and I yelled at him because, 00:31:41.900 --> 00:31:44.900 again, it was a little bit loud, but he stopped 00:31:44.900 --> 00:31:48.799 just as the car went flying by. Now, how many 00:31:48.799 --> 00:31:51.900 other kids in the world have we seen who, when 00:31:51.900 --> 00:31:55.240 their parents yell at them, they don't pay a 00:31:55.240 --> 00:31:57.339 lick of attention to any of it, would have run 00:31:57.339 --> 00:32:00.759 right out in the street and been run over? Training 00:32:00.759 --> 00:32:02.940 them to hear your voice and to obey immediately. 00:32:04.149 --> 00:32:08.269 It literally can be life and death. We experienced 00:32:08.269 --> 00:32:11.329 it. This wasn't life and death. But they were 00:32:11.329 --> 00:32:13.829 old. This was a few years ago on vacation. We 00:32:13.829 --> 00:32:15.650 were playing in the ocean and something jumped 00:32:15.650 --> 00:32:17.869 right behind everybody. Something big. I don't 00:32:17.869 --> 00:32:19.609 know if it was a shark or if it was a dolphin. 00:32:20.289 --> 00:32:22.630 But I was seeing the whole thing and I said, 00:32:22.650 --> 00:32:26.579 everybody out. And they weren't like, why dad? 00:32:26.759 --> 00:32:29.319 What's going on? They knew this is a serious 00:32:29.319 --> 00:32:32.099 matter. Dad said this and he wasn't joking and 00:32:32.099 --> 00:32:34.900 they all just got out. I mean, I was shocked 00:32:34.900 --> 00:32:39.079 because I think Caleb was married. And it was 00:32:39.079 --> 00:32:41.339 just like they all knew. Dad's being, this is 00:32:41.339 --> 00:32:45.000 serious. Dad's really saying something's going 00:32:45.000 --> 00:32:50.579 on here. But that's how it should be. When you 00:32:50.579 --> 00:32:53.880 speak, your children should know. Something's 00:32:53.880 --> 00:32:56.720 being said. And the tone of your voice and the 00:32:56.720 --> 00:33:00.279 way that you say it also speaks volumes. I didn't 00:33:00.279 --> 00:33:03.099 yell at that time. I just said, we need to all 00:33:03.099 --> 00:33:04.920 get out, or whatever it was, and everybody just 00:33:04.920 --> 00:33:08.099 got out. And they're like, what's going on? Like, 00:33:08.119 --> 00:33:09.539 I don't know, something big just jumped right 00:33:09.539 --> 00:33:14.099 behind you guys. I don't know what it was. That's 00:33:14.099 --> 00:33:16.720 what we're looking for, even in young, young 00:33:16.720 --> 00:33:21.079 children. Train them. Expect that of them. Work 00:33:21.079 --> 00:33:25.589 with them. All of these things teach authority 00:33:25.589 --> 00:33:28.829 as well. I don't think I talked about that. We 00:33:28.829 --> 00:33:33.289 are the authority in the home. We are teaching 00:33:33.289 --> 00:33:36.029 authority as we do these things. And we're teaching 00:33:36.029 --> 00:33:39.130 our children to submit to authority. It begins 00:33:39.130 --> 00:33:41.690 in the home and it expands into the rest of their 00:33:41.690 --> 00:33:47.450 lives. They need to know who is in authority 00:33:47.450 --> 00:33:53.099 all the time. And it's not... We teach it at 00:33:53.099 --> 00:33:56.039 home and we encourage it then in the rest of 00:33:56.039 --> 00:33:59.900 the world as they live their lives, okay? So, 00:33:59.900 --> 00:34:04.039 for example, they're teachers, right? They need 00:34:04.039 --> 00:34:07.059 to know their teachers are in authority and mom 00:34:07.059 --> 00:34:10.079 and dad have put their teachers in authority. 00:34:10.460 --> 00:34:12.559 So when you send them to school or to Sunday 00:34:12.559 --> 00:34:14.840 school or, you know, whatever it is, they know 00:34:14.840 --> 00:34:18.840 this person, mom and dad, have put me under their 00:34:18.840 --> 00:34:23.010 authority here. I'm to obey. In the same way 00:34:23.010 --> 00:34:26.090 I obey mom and dad, now they have put this authority 00:34:26.090 --> 00:34:29.469 over me for this period of time. I need to obey 00:34:29.469 --> 00:34:33.070 them. We teach that in the home and it expands 00:34:33.070 --> 00:34:37.750 throughout. So you've got teachers, you've got 00:34:37.750 --> 00:34:41.130 coaches, you've got, as they get older, police 00:34:41.130 --> 00:34:46.989 officers, their bosses, you name it. We expect 00:34:46.989 --> 00:34:51.019 them to respect authority because we've... Taught 00:34:51.019 --> 00:34:56.260 them that in our own homes. Okay? That's essential. 00:34:58.019 --> 00:35:01.159 That is essential. That they understand this 00:35:01.159 --> 00:35:05.460 idea of authority. And let's be clear. Authority 00:35:05.460 --> 00:35:09.260 is not something that has to be earned for these 00:35:09.260 --> 00:35:14.139 kids. That's nonsense. Okay? That's nonsense. 00:35:14.719 --> 00:35:17.960 Oh, they didn't earn my authority. Or his authority. 00:35:19.250 --> 00:35:22.230 That's because you've set yourself as the authority. 00:35:26.010 --> 00:35:32.409 Okay. I'm going to deal with these questions. 00:35:33.389 --> 00:35:35.570 These are specific questions that were raised. 00:35:35.650 --> 00:35:37.389 I think I've talked about a couple of them already. 00:35:39.130 --> 00:35:45.590 Public discipline. Legally, it's legal. So in 00:35:45.590 --> 00:35:47.130 Missouri, you can spank your kids in public. 00:35:47.349 --> 00:35:48.949 You're not allowed to abuse your children, but 00:35:48.949 --> 00:35:52.829 you can spank them. So I just want to say that 00:35:52.829 --> 00:35:55.110 right now. There's no reason to fear. But even 00:35:55.110 --> 00:35:58.630 if it wasn't legal, we obey God rather than man. 00:36:01.130 --> 00:36:04.170 Carol gave us a great example in our discussion 00:36:04.170 --> 00:36:07.369 group last week. And so this is one of the great 00:36:07.369 --> 00:36:10.489 benefits of the discussion group. So she gave 00:36:10.489 --> 00:36:13.030 the example of a man throwing a fit in the checkout. 00:36:14.829 --> 00:36:18.250 And what was Carol's response there? Well, she 00:36:18.250 --> 00:36:21.469 paid for her groceries, she went out to the car, 00:36:21.630 --> 00:36:25.110 and she gave her a good spanking. It was good. 00:36:25.230 --> 00:36:28.530 Good example, right? You're right there. You 00:36:28.530 --> 00:36:30.210 go ahead and finish what you're doing. You take 00:36:30.210 --> 00:36:33.469 her out. You give her some good discipline. Done. 00:36:33.869 --> 00:36:38.030 Okay? That's one example of how public discipline 00:36:38.030 --> 00:36:40.690 can go on. It doesn't necessarily have to happen 00:36:40.690 --> 00:36:46.219 right there. It should be, you've got to determine. 00:36:46.320 --> 00:36:48.500 So here's another thing. I remember, again, my 00:36:48.500 --> 00:36:51.800 own life where mom, it was one of those days. 00:36:51.840 --> 00:36:54.239 That was the day I think I got a million spankings. 00:36:54.800 --> 00:36:59.780 And it started when we were out. And I don't 00:36:59.780 --> 00:37:02.039 think mom spanked me when we were out, but I 00:37:02.039 --> 00:37:05.260 got it when I got home. But I was old enough 00:37:05.260 --> 00:37:08.019 that I knew what had happened. So it wasn't like 00:37:08.019 --> 00:37:11.389 I'm going to forget what went on, okay? I don't 00:37:11.389 --> 00:37:13.710 know how old I was, four, five, six, but I remember 00:37:13.710 --> 00:37:17.710 to this day. And so those things that happen 00:37:17.710 --> 00:37:21.510 in public, if the child is old enough to be like, 00:37:21.650 --> 00:37:24.590 you need to stop, and when we get home, you're 00:37:24.590 --> 00:37:27.409 already getting one spanking for this. If you 00:37:27.409 --> 00:37:31.750 persist, you're going to get another one. And 00:37:31.750 --> 00:37:33.590 they're old enough, they understand, they're 00:37:33.590 --> 00:37:36.750 not going to forget. That's fine to deal with 00:37:36.750 --> 00:37:39.150 it when you get home then. But when you've got 00:37:39.150 --> 00:37:41.599 these little... Little babies or these one -year 00:37:41.599 --> 00:37:46.179 -olds, again, it's been so many years, maybe 00:37:46.179 --> 00:37:49.139 two, I don't know, where you're thinking, are 00:37:49.139 --> 00:37:51.079 they really going to remember what all happened 00:37:51.079 --> 00:37:54.460 here in the store by the time we get home? Am 00:37:54.460 --> 00:37:57.300 I going to remember? Then you probably need to 00:37:57.300 --> 00:37:58.980 give them a good swat right there and just be 00:37:58.980 --> 00:38:02.159 done with it. Now, if it persists and, you know, 00:38:02.159 --> 00:38:04.460 it becomes a big ordeal and there's a battle 00:38:04.460 --> 00:38:06.340 on your hands, well, then maybe you need to leave 00:38:06.340 --> 00:38:11.250 and deal with that battle elsewhere. Okay? That's 00:38:11.250 --> 00:38:14.090 fine. I think there's wisdom there. We're not 00:38:14.090 --> 00:38:17.190 going to fight our big battles with our kid being 00:38:17.190 --> 00:38:20.329 rebellious right there in the store. And so we're 00:38:20.329 --> 00:38:23.010 going to take it out of the car, deal with it 00:38:23.010 --> 00:38:25.489 there, and if it persists when we get home, we're 00:38:25.489 --> 00:38:28.289 going to deal with it some more. Okay? Whatever's 00:38:28.289 --> 00:38:30.730 needed there. But there's nothing wrong with 00:38:30.730 --> 00:38:34.469 giving your little kid a good swat in the store, 00:38:34.670 --> 00:38:38.449 at the ball fields, here at church. You know? 00:38:38.750 --> 00:38:44.449 Whatever. Again, so often if we're dealing with 00:38:44.449 --> 00:38:47.829 these things at home, when we go out, it is not 00:38:47.829 --> 00:38:50.690 that big a deal usually. Again, I'm not saying 00:38:50.690 --> 00:38:55.230 never, but normally it's not that big a deal. 00:38:55.630 --> 00:38:58.409 We don't have to deal with it a whole lot out 00:38:58.409 --> 00:39:02.170 in public. So again, I think age determines a 00:39:02.170 --> 00:39:05.449 lot of that. Does a child need to cry when you 00:39:05.449 --> 00:39:08.199 spank them? Generally speaking, I'm going to 00:39:08.199 --> 00:39:11.760 say yes. I say that's generally the case. 99 00:39:11.760 --> 00:39:14.000 .9 % of the time, they're better reaching tiers. 00:39:16.360 --> 00:39:19.019 If you're a little toddler or you're a little 00:39:19.019 --> 00:39:21.619 crawler, okay, when you're first starting out, 00:39:21.679 --> 00:39:23.500 do they need to cry when you're squatting? No. 00:39:24.159 --> 00:39:26.860 They just need to know, boy, I didn't like that. 00:39:26.940 --> 00:39:29.760 What's going on here? It's new, right? And so 00:39:29.760 --> 00:39:32.500 it's a beginning part of training. It's not really 00:39:32.500 --> 00:39:36.650 much discipline going on. That's training. But 00:39:36.650 --> 00:39:41.329 then as time goes on, and you know, they know. 00:39:41.969 --> 00:39:44.349 They know exactly. They've been trained now, 00:39:44.489 --> 00:39:51.590 right? They know don't touch whatever. The Christmas 00:39:51.590 --> 00:39:54.730 ornaments. Don't touch the remote. Don't pull 00:39:54.730 --> 00:39:57.190 Kleenexes out of the Kleenex box. I mean, you 00:39:57.190 --> 00:40:01.630 name it. Whatever it is, right? And they're still 00:40:01.630 --> 00:40:04.130 doing it. Then there should be some crying involved. 00:40:04.840 --> 00:40:06.659 There should be some crying when you're disciplining 00:40:06.659 --> 00:40:08.280 them. Because you're not training now, you're 00:40:08.280 --> 00:40:11.400 disciplining. For rebellion. For disobedience. 00:40:12.300 --> 00:40:18.239 Give that kid a good swat. And so crying should 00:40:18.239 --> 00:40:28.900 be there. But it better not be angry crying. 00:40:30.900 --> 00:40:34.619 Okay? I think I talked about that. That's attitude. 00:40:34.960 --> 00:40:38.320 So you should, as a parent, know when your kid 00:40:38.320 --> 00:40:42.519 is crying because they're hurt and when they're 00:40:42.519 --> 00:40:48.400 mad. How dare you tell me no? I want that thing, 00:40:48.460 --> 00:40:52.719 and I'm throwing a fit now. That's another spanking. 00:40:53.900 --> 00:41:00.349 All right? It's not okay. So crying because my 00:41:00.349 --> 00:41:05.690 feelings are hurt and it hurt, okay, good. That's 00:41:05.690 --> 00:41:10.130 what we want. Crying because they're mad, I'm 00:41:10.130 --> 00:41:12.869 hurt and I'm mad, that's different. And you should 00:41:12.869 --> 00:41:15.590 be able to see the difference. And they're doing 00:41:15.590 --> 00:41:18.269 it now. All you parents, they're doing it now. 00:41:19.469 --> 00:41:22.030 They're old enough to exert their will in that 00:41:22.030 --> 00:41:27.070 way. They're crying because they're mad. Know 00:41:27.070 --> 00:41:30.349 it and deal with it. It's not okay to get a spanking 00:41:30.349 --> 00:41:35.590 and then for the next 15 minutes be crying. You 00:41:35.590 --> 00:41:40.309 get a spanking and it's going to hurt and they're 00:41:40.309 --> 00:41:42.730 going to cry. And you're sitting there with them 00:41:42.730 --> 00:41:44.289 and you're comforting them. You're saying, okay, 00:41:44.429 --> 00:41:48.489 it's all right. I forgive you. I love you. All 00:41:48.489 --> 00:41:51.489 right, settle down now. Settle down and let's 00:41:51.489 --> 00:41:56.760 talk about this. Okay, and... And they settle 00:41:56.760 --> 00:42:00.699 down. You got a few minutes there. If it's just 00:42:00.699 --> 00:42:06.860 a persistent wailing and just won't quit, what 00:42:06.860 --> 00:42:12.000 is that? That's just more rebellion. That's another 00:42:12.000 --> 00:42:16.579 spanking. That's what that is. They have the 00:42:16.579 --> 00:42:22.800 self -control to calm down. They do. And it should 00:42:22.800 --> 00:42:28.750 be expected. So it's calm down. We talk. We hug. 00:42:29.070 --> 00:42:31.510 We tell each other we love each other. You tell 00:42:31.510 --> 00:42:35.409 me you're sorry. I tell you I forgive you. I 00:42:35.409 --> 00:42:39.309 love you. Let's not do that anymore. Let's go 00:42:39.309 --> 00:42:42.309 play. Whatever we were doing. Let's go finish 00:42:42.309 --> 00:42:45.789 eating dinner. Whatever it was that set the whole 00:42:45.789 --> 00:42:50.050 thing off. If it's screaming and yelling and 00:42:50.050 --> 00:42:53.420 incessant crying, it's another spanking. You 00:42:53.420 --> 00:42:56.260 either stop your crying right now, or you will 00:42:56.260 --> 00:42:59.960 get another spanking. And when it persists, they 00:42:59.960 --> 00:43:03.519 get another spanking. And then if it persists 00:43:03.519 --> 00:43:07.820 some more, it's going to be another spanking. 00:43:08.099 --> 00:43:10.659 Now you have to keep in mind, the more pain there, 00:43:10.880 --> 00:43:13.780 it's going to take a little bit longer to calm 00:43:13.780 --> 00:43:15.940 down, but they will. They may be sitting there 00:43:15.940 --> 00:43:21.139 doing their best, and you can tell, okay, they're 00:43:21.139 --> 00:43:25.239 trying. Let them calm down, okay? But you've 00:43:25.239 --> 00:43:27.139 got to deal with that. That's, again, rebellion. 00:43:27.860 --> 00:43:30.920 So there should be crying. Bruising from spanking. 00:43:32.500 --> 00:43:36.059 I don't remember ever bruising my kids from spanking. 00:43:36.840 --> 00:43:40.179 Again, the one swat, the one good swat is not 00:43:40.179 --> 00:43:42.659 going to leave a bruise. If you've got some kind 00:43:42.659 --> 00:43:44.579 of a club or something like that that you're 00:43:44.579 --> 00:43:47.500 spanking with, yes, you'll bruise them. You shouldn't 00:43:47.500 --> 00:43:50.989 be using that, okay? So generally speaking, you 00:43:50.989 --> 00:43:53.789 shouldn't be bruising your children when you're 00:43:53.789 --> 00:43:57.969 spanking them. That shouldn't be happening. If 00:43:57.969 --> 00:43:59.869 that's happening, you're probably not doing something 00:43:59.869 --> 00:44:07.869 right. You need to ask for some help. Dad spanking 00:44:07.869 --> 00:44:10.230 when he gets home. I think I had mentioned this. 00:44:11.449 --> 00:44:17.289 So mom's dealt with kids all day, and she said 00:44:17.289 --> 00:44:18.789 when dad gets home, you're getting a spanking. 00:44:19.730 --> 00:44:23.889 Why? It's not for the same thing. It's for the 00:44:23.889 --> 00:44:26.730 continued rebellion. So when dad gets home, if 00:44:26.730 --> 00:44:28.849 you get another spanking because you've continually 00:44:28.849 --> 00:44:32.369 been rebellious all day and mom has told you, 00:44:32.389 --> 00:44:34.829 now dad is going to also deal with your rebellion 00:44:34.829 --> 00:44:36.989 when he gets home because you've not submitted 00:44:36.989 --> 00:44:42.110 to your mother. We're not spanking because you 00:44:42.110 --> 00:44:46.550 got a spanking because you yelled at mom and 00:44:46.550 --> 00:44:50.130 you've got a spanking. and you've been forgiven, 00:44:50.190 --> 00:44:51.809 and then dad gets home and he's going to spank 00:44:51.809 --> 00:44:54.809 you for yelling at mom. That's not how that works. 00:44:54.869 --> 00:44:56.349 We're not spanking twice for the same thing. 00:44:56.730 --> 00:44:59.829 We're spanking when dad gets home because the 00:44:59.829 --> 00:45:03.030 rebellion still has not been dealt with. You're 00:45:03.030 --> 00:45:07.909 still being strong -willed. So we're not spanking 00:45:07.909 --> 00:45:11.510 for the same sin, so to speak. Double punishment. 00:45:13.260 --> 00:45:15.199 Dad dealing with the kids when he gets home. 00:45:15.360 --> 00:45:17.599 So separately then, when dad gets home, he's 00:45:17.599 --> 00:45:21.460 the authority. He deals with the kids. You dads, 00:45:21.659 --> 00:45:25.860 when you get home, it's not break time. Now it's 00:45:25.860 --> 00:45:30.619 family time. Now mom gets a break. At least from 00:45:30.619 --> 00:45:35.699 the kids. From dealing with you kids. Right? 00:45:36.199 --> 00:45:39.199 Dad's the authority. Dad's the example. He's 00:45:39.199 --> 00:45:45.030 the leader. And so... He now is stepping in and 00:45:45.030 --> 00:45:48.349 relieving mom and enforcing everything mom has 00:45:48.349 --> 00:45:52.530 enforced all day. He's enforcing it just the 00:45:52.530 --> 00:45:56.949 same. So dads, when you get home, your time is 00:45:56.949 --> 00:46:01.429 just beginning. Now you're done working at work. 00:46:01.510 --> 00:46:05.570 You're working at home until they're in bed and 00:46:05.570 --> 00:46:24.519 sleeping. I want to say this before I forget. 00:46:28.940 --> 00:46:32.860 You need to be aware of what's going on in your 00:46:32.860 --> 00:46:36.159 home. I don't know how many times, and not just 00:46:36.159 --> 00:46:39.059 at home, everywhere, okay? You need to be aware 00:46:39.059 --> 00:46:42.280 of your children. So when we're here at the meeting, 00:46:42.519 --> 00:46:46.059 when you're at a friend's house, when you're 00:46:46.059 --> 00:46:50.800 at a ball game, when you're at home, don't turn 00:46:50.800 --> 00:46:54.269 a blind eye. And act like I didn't see that. 00:46:54.730 --> 00:46:57.309 Because if I see that, I've got to deal with 00:46:57.309 --> 00:47:00.329 it. Surely we know what I'm talking about here. 00:47:00.389 --> 00:47:02.989 We've seen the parents where, how did they not 00:47:02.989 --> 00:47:07.030 see what just went on here? Am I the only one 00:47:07.030 --> 00:47:11.789 that realizes little Johnny has just been a terror 00:47:11.789 --> 00:47:16.150 to his mom, to his brother, to whomever. And 00:47:16.150 --> 00:47:20.199 dad is sitting there as if... He doesn't see 00:47:20.199 --> 00:47:21.860 a thing. And you're like, how is that possible? 00:47:22.739 --> 00:47:26.699 That's sin. You're in sin. Because you have neglected 00:47:26.699 --> 00:47:30.059 the discipline of your child. You are in sin 00:47:30.059 --> 00:47:35.159 in that case. Do not do it. And if you are that 00:47:35.159 --> 00:47:40.579 oblivious, wake up. Okay? That's all I can tell 00:47:40.579 --> 00:47:44.539 you. Wake up and engage in your children's lives. 00:47:45.489 --> 00:47:48.329 Because if everyone sees it but you and you get 00:47:48.329 --> 00:47:50.610 home and your wife says, didn't you see that? 00:47:50.929 --> 00:47:53.010 No, I have no idea what you're talking about. 00:47:53.769 --> 00:47:56.510 Then you better wake up. I don't know how else 00:47:56.510 --> 00:47:59.789 to say it. You better be aware of your children. 00:48:00.489 --> 00:48:04.929 That's your responsibility. Okay? It's complete 00:48:04.929 --> 00:48:09.960 and utter laziness and incompetence. If you think 00:48:09.960 --> 00:48:12.239 about a job, if you're the boss on a job and 00:48:12.239 --> 00:48:14.519 you're totally oblivious to everybody else doing 00:48:14.519 --> 00:48:17.159 their job and nothing's getting done right or 00:48:17.159 --> 00:48:19.619 it's getting done wrong, what happens? You get 00:48:19.619 --> 00:48:24.780 fired. But yet in our homes, men think it's okay 00:48:24.780 --> 00:48:26.719 to be utterly oblivious to everything going on 00:48:26.719 --> 00:48:29.099 around me and not to deal with these things. 00:48:29.760 --> 00:48:32.599 That's sin. It's laziness. It's incompetence. 00:48:32.960 --> 00:48:35.940 Deal with it and pay attention. If that means 00:48:35.940 --> 00:48:37.619 you've got to make a conscious effort to keep 00:48:37.619 --> 00:48:41.199 an eye on him, or her, then you better do it. 00:48:42.340 --> 00:48:47.539 It is necessary. I use the term bend and break 00:48:47.539 --> 00:48:51.159 will. I use them pretty much synonymous. I'm 00:48:51.159 --> 00:48:55.539 not trying to make a distinction there. Breaking 00:48:55.539 --> 00:49:00.800 their will is probably what I really mean. Their 00:49:00.800 --> 00:49:05.239 will needs to be conformed to your will. Or not. 00:49:05.610 --> 00:49:08.250 And every kid is different, right? I mean, there 00:49:08.250 --> 00:49:11.349 are some children who are just naturally more, 00:49:11.570 --> 00:49:18.289 what's the word, willing to do what they're told 00:49:18.289 --> 00:49:21.110 or to follow mom and dad's instruction. They're 00:49:21.110 --> 00:49:24.469 not going to rebel, so to speak. They really 00:49:24.469 --> 00:49:27.809 want to please. And if you want to think of that 00:49:27.809 --> 00:49:31.230 as bending their will to yours, fine. That's 00:49:31.230 --> 00:49:35.670 fine. But again, it's a... making their will 00:49:35.670 --> 00:49:39.469 yours. And if you think of it in regards of a 00:49:39.469 --> 00:49:42.150 rebellious child, a self -willed child, you've 00:49:42.150 --> 00:49:45.349 got to break that will. You've got to make it 00:49:45.349 --> 00:49:48.969 so that their will now is doing what you say. 00:49:49.429 --> 00:49:52.070 Again, it's the same as our will with the Lord's. 00:49:53.489 --> 00:49:58.349 Our will should be conformed to his will. Not 00:49:58.349 --> 00:50:01.530 my will, but thine, Jesus said. All of Jesus' 00:50:01.750 --> 00:50:03.969 example was he came to do the will of the Father, 00:50:04.090 --> 00:50:06.989 right? His will, they were the same. That's what 00:50:06.989 --> 00:50:09.329 we want with our children. And that means that 00:50:09.329 --> 00:50:13.869 self -will, that rebellion, that obstinance has 00:50:13.869 --> 00:50:16.909 got to be put down and broken in those children. 00:50:25.429 --> 00:50:27.610 Discipline for wrong attitude was another one. 00:50:29.299 --> 00:50:32.480 I mentioned, I talked about this, but somebody 00:50:32.480 --> 00:50:36.719 said, you know, I think it was, you know, you 00:50:36.719 --> 00:50:39.019 can't look into the child's heart and see if 00:50:39.019 --> 00:50:40.940 they really have the right attitude, the right 00:50:40.940 --> 00:50:43.699 heart in this issue. And that's not our goal. 00:50:43.900 --> 00:50:48.260 I mean, that is our goal. It's not, we can't 00:50:48.260 --> 00:50:50.519 do that. We can't look inside of them and say, 00:50:50.679 --> 00:50:53.960 I think there's some rebellion in there. I can't 00:50:53.960 --> 00:50:56.000 see it on the outside, but I think it's on the 00:50:56.000 --> 00:50:59.690 inside. that's not what we're dealing with. We're 00:50:59.690 --> 00:51:02.710 dealing with that outward attitude, that outward 00:51:02.710 --> 00:51:06.210 rebellion that we see and know. We can't change 00:51:06.210 --> 00:51:10.010 their heart. The Lord has to do that. And so 00:51:10.010 --> 00:51:12.269 we're dealing with that outward. When we see 00:51:12.269 --> 00:51:14.429 it outwardly, that's what we're dealing with. 00:51:14.670 --> 00:51:17.010 We're not being like, I really don't think you're 00:51:17.010 --> 00:51:20.590 still, I still think you're not obeying from 00:51:20.590 --> 00:51:21.869 the heart, and so I'm going to give you another 00:51:21.869 --> 00:51:25.179 spanking. No, that's not what we're doing. It 00:51:25.179 --> 00:51:27.139 should be clear and obvious. If it's not clear, 00:51:27.260 --> 00:51:30.239 then we can't spank them for it because we can't 00:51:30.239 --> 00:51:34.099 see inside their heart. But we can see their 00:51:34.099 --> 00:51:39.900 outward actions. The last thing here then is, 00:51:40.119 --> 00:51:45.059 is there a promise or a guarantee that the rod 00:51:45.059 --> 00:51:48.940 results in obedient children? And I would say 00:51:48.940 --> 00:51:52.510 no. that we cannot guarantee that. I don't think 00:51:52.510 --> 00:51:56.449 that Scripture gives us this guarantee that if 00:51:56.449 --> 00:52:00.809 we do these things, we are guaranteed this outcome. 00:52:03.429 --> 00:52:06.329 Everything that we do is reliant upon, we are 00:52:06.329 --> 00:52:10.530 relying upon the Lord. We are trusting in faith 00:52:10.530 --> 00:52:14.690 that what we do, He will honor. But our will 00:52:14.690 --> 00:52:18.190 is not always the Lord's will. What we want is 00:52:18.190 --> 00:52:21.010 not what the Lord will. Is going to do is what 00:52:21.010 --> 00:52:23.809 I'm trying to say there. We don't know. And so 00:52:23.809 --> 00:52:26.090 the Lord brings different things into our lives 00:52:26.090 --> 00:52:28.929 for different reasons. And sometimes that is 00:52:28.929 --> 00:52:31.909 a rebellious child. And we've done everything 00:52:31.909 --> 00:52:35.449 that we can according to the word of God. We've 00:52:35.449 --> 00:52:37.670 tried to be obedient and faithful in all of those 00:52:37.670 --> 00:52:42.449 things. And the Lord does not always give us 00:52:42.449 --> 00:52:46.849 those things. And so I cannot sit here and say 00:52:46.849 --> 00:52:49.860 there is a guarantee. That your children, if 00:52:49.860 --> 00:52:54.000 you do everything perfectly, that you're guaranteed 00:52:54.000 --> 00:52:56.659 certain things. We're not guaranteed our children's 00:52:56.659 --> 00:52:59.539 salvation, right? I mean, it's all in the hands 00:52:59.539 --> 00:53:03.400 of the Lord. And so we do these things, trusting 00:53:03.400 --> 00:53:09.079 Him, relying upon Him, that He will do what is 00:53:09.079 --> 00:53:18.739 good and right and best in all situations. That's 00:53:18.739 --> 00:53:22.679 all the questions that I was given. Unless I 00:53:22.679 --> 00:53:26.400 accidentally forgot to write one down. But I 00:53:26.400 --> 00:53:31.860 think that was all of them. In all of these things, 00:53:32.000 --> 00:53:37.119 there is much need for prayer and for wisdom. 00:53:38.340 --> 00:53:44.679 Raising children is a difficult task. It is heartbreaking 00:53:44.679 --> 00:53:52.159 at times. Greatly encouraging at times. It requires 00:53:52.159 --> 00:53:56.360 the help of the Lord. The encouragement of the 00:53:56.360 --> 00:54:00.000 Lord. And so seek Him in all of these things. 00:54:01.320 --> 00:54:07.239 Study His Word. See what you find there. That's 00:54:07.239 --> 00:54:11.780 your light. That's your guide. The Proverbs are 00:54:11.780 --> 00:54:15.880 a great place. Again, there's all sorts of other 00:54:15.880 --> 00:54:19.820 examples of discipline and instruction in the 00:54:19.820 --> 00:54:25.940 Word of God. Proverbs is just one place. So, 00:54:25.940 --> 00:54:32.659 press on. You're just starting out. And it's 00:54:32.659 --> 00:54:38.500 difficult. But I can say, as I'm sure most can, 00:54:38.719 --> 00:54:45.889 it's a wonderful thing. I mean, my childhood 00:54:45.889 --> 00:54:50.730 was great. Raising kids was great. I thought 00:54:50.730 --> 00:54:57.690 the Lord really blessed. And, you know, children 00:54:57.690 --> 00:55:02.269 are a blessing from the Lord. And so enjoy it. 00:55:02.349 --> 00:55:06.550 Be diligent in it. Persevere in it. Seek Him 00:55:06.550 --> 00:55:09.050 through it all. Amen.