WEBVTT 00:00:01.990 --> 00:00:05.710 So this morning we are going to consider fathers 00:00:05.710 --> 00:00:13.509 So if you want to turn to Ephesians chapter 6 00:00:13.509 --> 00:00:29.879 We'll be looking here at verse 4 I'm actually 00:00:29.879 --> 00:00:33.500 going to read beginning in verse 1. Children 00:00:33.500 --> 00:00:36.640 obey your parents in the Lord for this is right. 00:00:37.380 --> 00:00:39.560 Honor your father and mother which is the first 00:00:39.560 --> 00:00:41.700 commandment with a promise so that it may be 00:00:41.700 --> 00:00:46.500 well with you and that you may live long on the 00:00:46.500 --> 00:00:49.719 earth. Fathers do not provoke your children to 00:00:49.719 --> 00:00:52.439 anger but bring them up in the discipline and 00:00:52.439 --> 00:00:57.119 instruction of the Lord. I wrote that first verse 00:00:57.119 --> 00:01:00.759 just for this reason. that he says there, obey 00:01:00.759 --> 00:01:04.359 your parents in the Lord. And that's a different 00:01:04.359 --> 00:01:07.480 word than verse four, which says fathers. So 00:01:07.480 --> 00:01:09.439 some people want to say that this verse here 00:01:09.439 --> 00:01:12.040 applies to mothers and fathers equally. And I 00:01:12.040 --> 00:01:15.819 don't think that's accurate. Do these things 00:01:15.819 --> 00:01:18.799 apply to mothers? Should they not provoke their 00:01:18.799 --> 00:01:21.879 children to wrath? And should they bring them 00:01:21.879 --> 00:01:23.659 up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord? 00:01:23.719 --> 00:01:27.719 Yes, they should. Absolutely. But Paul uses the 00:01:27.719 --> 00:01:30.239 word fathers here. I think because he again is 00:01:30.239 --> 00:01:33.840 emphasizing the role of fathers in the home So 00:01:33.840 --> 00:01:36.519 just as we talked last week who's responsible 00:01:36.519 --> 00:01:40.400 for everything that goes on in the home? Is it 00:01:40.400 --> 00:01:44.920 mom? It's the father's it's the husband's so 00:01:44.920 --> 00:01:50.599 the responsibility again rests upon you men On 00:01:50.599 --> 00:01:55.939 me okay in my home I am the one who is going 00:01:55.939 --> 00:01:59.819 to be held responsible. And so you men, you fathers 00:01:59.819 --> 00:02:06.700 will be held responsible in your homes for the 00:02:06.700 --> 00:02:12.620 nurture, the discipline of your children. So 00:02:12.620 --> 00:02:17.639 let me just say that to begin with. Again, it 00:02:17.639 --> 00:02:20.520 is not a small thing to be a father or to be 00:02:20.520 --> 00:02:25.280 a husband. It is a huge responsibility. To take 00:02:25.280 --> 00:02:30.879 it lightly is to take it in a way that is displeasing 00:02:30.879 --> 00:02:35.319 to the Lord. To the detriment of your children 00:02:35.319 --> 00:02:39.400 and your wife. So, he says here, do not provoke. 00:02:39.479 --> 00:02:43.379 What does this word provoke mean? Do not rouse 00:02:43.379 --> 00:02:48.560 to wrath. Do not exasperate. I think this might 00:02:48.560 --> 00:02:52.419 be a translation that says exasperate. Do not 00:02:52.419 --> 00:02:57.500 anger. Do not irritate. This word provoke can 00:02:57.500 --> 00:03:02.939 also mean intense frustration. That's what we're 00:03:02.939 --> 00:03:07.139 not to do. So as fathers, do not provoke your 00:03:07.139 --> 00:03:16.039 children. Now obviously here we're not talking 00:03:16.039 --> 00:03:19.780 about Dealing with our kids and disciplining 00:03:19.780 --> 00:03:22.539 our children and then they throw a temper tantrum 00:03:22.539 --> 00:03:24.599 because they're angry, right? That's not what 00:03:24.599 --> 00:03:27.580 we're talking about So if through your discipline 00:03:27.580 --> 00:03:30.020 your instruction and all that goes on in a good 00:03:30.020 --> 00:03:32.800 way, they're provoked to anger You have to deal 00:03:32.800 --> 00:03:36.319 with that anger. That's sin But what he's saying 00:03:36.319 --> 00:03:40.539 here is don't Rule your home. Don't deal with 00:03:40.539 --> 00:03:43.780 your children in an ungodly way that provokes 00:03:43.780 --> 00:03:47.229 them to wrath that causes frustration Don't be 00:03:47.229 --> 00:03:51.770 irresponsible in your home which leads to frustration 00:03:51.770 --> 00:03:57.210 and anger for your children. How do we do that? 00:03:58.229 --> 00:04:02.870 So I have a list for you. I love lists. I don't 00:04:02.870 --> 00:04:05.289 know if you've noticed that because I think they're 00:04:05.289 --> 00:04:08.409 helpful. Now it doesn't mean that every time 00:04:08.409 --> 00:04:10.930 I have a list for you it's an exhaustive list 00:04:10.930 --> 00:04:14.289 because it's not. But it's things to think about. 00:04:14.400 --> 00:04:16.920 It's things to consider, and if you can add to 00:04:16.920 --> 00:04:20.040 that list, then great. You should do that. And 00:04:20.040 --> 00:04:22.240 if you're meeting everything on my list, then 00:04:22.240 --> 00:04:24.819 wonderful. Get your own list and see where you 00:04:24.819 --> 00:04:28.060 need to grow. Okay? But I think it's helpful 00:04:28.060 --> 00:04:31.819 to consider these things. So, here's my list 00:04:31.819 --> 00:04:35.740 for you. How do we do this? How do we frustrate, 00:04:36.199 --> 00:04:40.509 provoke our children? Now before I even get to 00:04:40.509 --> 00:04:42.410 there I should say this Colossians. I forgot 00:04:42.410 --> 00:04:46.250 about this Colossians 321 Paul again is giving 00:04:46.250 --> 00:04:49.230 instruction. He says do not exasperate your children 00:04:49.230 --> 00:04:52.910 so they will not lose heart We don't want our 00:04:52.910 --> 00:04:55.069 children to lose heart. We don't want our children 00:04:55.069 --> 00:04:58.009 to be frustrated Just be like there's no point 00:04:58.009 --> 00:05:00.769 if I do this. I'm in trouble if I do that I'm 00:05:00.769 --> 00:05:03.930 in trouble. I can't please them. It's impossible 00:05:03.930 --> 00:05:06.470 We don't want to be there. We don't want that 00:05:06.470 --> 00:05:10.149 to be the case How do we do this? Here are some 00:05:10.149 --> 00:05:15.149 things. Number one, not doing what we say. Now 00:05:15.149 --> 00:05:17.529 we talked about this when we talked about husbands, 00:05:17.649 --> 00:05:19.790 when we talked about being a man. What does a 00:05:19.790 --> 00:05:22.949 man do? He sticks to his word. When he says this 00:05:22.949 --> 00:05:24.810 is what I'm gonna do or this is what we're gonna 00:05:24.810 --> 00:05:30.089 do, he does that. So not being faithful to your 00:05:30.089 --> 00:05:33.389 word will cause frustration in your children. 00:05:37.740 --> 00:05:43.199 So, for example, you say, hey, Saturday afternoon, 00:05:43.319 --> 00:05:45.360 Sunday afternoon, when I get home from work, 00:05:45.459 --> 00:05:49.360 whatever it is, we're gonna do whatever. We're 00:05:49.360 --> 00:05:51.920 gonna go to park. We're gonna go play some ball 00:05:51.920 --> 00:05:54.560 in the yard. We're gonna play catch. And you 00:05:54.560 --> 00:05:57.860 come home and you forgot about some other responsibilities 00:05:57.860 --> 00:06:02.420 that are more important. And next thing you know, 00:06:02.699 --> 00:06:04.480 your kid's like, man, I thought we were, now 00:06:04.480 --> 00:06:06.899 I'm mad. Dad told me this is what we're going 00:06:06.899 --> 00:06:09.319 to do and now we're not doing it. My heart was 00:06:09.319 --> 00:06:13.240 set on this all day. He's frustrated. Can you 00:06:13.240 --> 00:06:19.959 blame him? No. You have acted unfaithfully. Keep 00:06:19.959 --> 00:06:22.620 your word. If you can't keep your word, don't 00:06:22.620 --> 00:06:26.139 give him your word. Along with those same lines 00:06:26.139 --> 00:06:30.920 though, you've got to also be able to tell your 00:06:30.920 --> 00:06:33.759 kid what you're going to do. So when he's asking 00:06:33.759 --> 00:06:35.579 you for these things, or he's telling you, hey 00:06:35.579 --> 00:06:38.500 dad, I wanna do this, can we do that? It's not 00:06:38.500 --> 00:06:40.560 okay to just be like, well, we'll just have to 00:06:40.560 --> 00:06:45.339 see, right? That's frustrating too. Never being 00:06:45.339 --> 00:06:48.959 able to give a decision. So you've got to be 00:06:48.959 --> 00:06:51.980 intentional. When you say you're gonna do something, 00:06:52.019 --> 00:06:55.660 you've got to do it. When you're wanting to do 00:06:55.660 --> 00:06:58.199 this, or your family wants to do this, you have 00:06:58.199 --> 00:07:01.660 to carve out that time. You have to do that so 00:07:01.660 --> 00:07:04.740 that you can say, yes. Now there will be times 00:07:04.740 --> 00:07:06.579 where you have to say, well, we've got a lot 00:07:06.579 --> 00:07:09.259 going on that day. We're going to have to just 00:07:09.259 --> 00:07:13.579 kind of see how that goes. That happens. There's 00:07:13.579 --> 00:07:17.279 nothing wrong with that. But if that's the answer 00:07:17.279 --> 00:07:19.639 every time, we just got to see what happens. 00:07:20.360 --> 00:07:24.120 See if we can work it in. That's frustrating. 00:07:24.980 --> 00:07:26.899 That's not a good way to live your life. That's 00:07:26.899 --> 00:07:29.699 not a good way to run your home. So do you see 00:07:29.699 --> 00:07:34.959 the balance there? Carve out that time. Do what 00:07:34.959 --> 00:07:38.199 you say. Be responsible and manage your time 00:07:38.199 --> 00:07:43.319 well for the benefit of your children. So not 00:07:43.319 --> 00:07:49.379 making decisions. Not keeping your word. In your 00:07:49.379 --> 00:07:51.079 home, you're going to have rules. You're going 00:07:51.079 --> 00:07:53.779 to have things that are no's and yes's and things 00:07:53.779 --> 00:07:57.339 like that. Don't change those things randomly. 00:07:58.439 --> 00:08:01.500 Okay, so when you have a set of rules when you 00:08:01.500 --> 00:08:04.339 have these things that are in place It can't 00:08:04.339 --> 00:08:06.779 change from day to day. It can't change upon 00:08:06.779 --> 00:08:11.879 your mood If you've set a rule and then you come 00:08:11.879 --> 00:08:14.220 to find out that wasn't a very good rule I'm 00:08:14.220 --> 00:08:15.699 gonna have to change that there better be some 00:08:15.699 --> 00:08:18.600 explanation. Hey, I know that that's what we 00:08:18.600 --> 00:08:23.560 said But hey, I think I was wrong We're gonna 00:08:23.560 --> 00:08:25.420 change this thing. We're gonna make an exception 00:08:25.420 --> 00:08:28.639 here Whatever it is But that shouldn't be the 00:08:28.639 --> 00:08:31.680 normal thing. The rules are always changing. 00:08:32.240 --> 00:08:34.919 I never know if this is going to be an okay thing. 00:08:35.320 --> 00:08:38.399 Today I'm doing it and I'm not in trouble and 00:08:38.399 --> 00:08:42.220 everything's great. Tomorrow I do it and the 00:08:42.220 --> 00:08:43.940 world's coming to an end. I don't know what to 00:08:43.940 --> 00:08:49.220 do now, okay? Be consistent. Be consistent with 00:08:49.220 --> 00:08:53.429 your rules. I'll talk about this a little bit 00:08:53.429 --> 00:08:56.070 later, but again, too many rules, not enough 00:08:56.070 --> 00:08:58.929 rules. There's a balance here in our home as 00:08:58.929 --> 00:09:02.789 fathers. We've got to have rules. But we don't 00:09:02.789 --> 00:09:07.230 want to regulate every little thing. I'll talk 00:09:07.230 --> 00:09:09.309 about this, but just as an example, when you've 00:09:09.309 --> 00:09:13.129 got a toddler, everything is no, it seems like. 00:09:13.649 --> 00:09:15.029 Right? I mean, they're getting into everything. 00:09:16.210 --> 00:09:19.169 And so you're teaching them. No, you can't touch 00:09:19.169 --> 00:09:21.850 the remote. No, you can't pound on the glass. 00:09:22.049 --> 00:09:26.090 No, you can't throw this. No, no, no. It's just 00:09:26.090 --> 00:09:30.730 constant. And that's good. But as they grow, 00:09:31.470 --> 00:09:35.610 what do they come to realize? Not everything 00:09:35.610 --> 00:09:40.129 is a no, but what's not mine is a no. So that 00:09:40.129 --> 00:09:42.529 when you go to somebody else's house, they've 00:09:42.529 --> 00:09:44.269 got some different stuff, but they know that's 00:09:44.269 --> 00:09:47.769 not their stuff. And so you've taught them. what 00:09:47.769 --> 00:09:50.769 you can and can't do. You don't have to have 00:09:50.769 --> 00:09:53.269 a rule for every little thing. They begin to 00:09:53.269 --> 00:09:57.850 learn what yes is and what nos are. So again, 00:09:58.230 --> 00:10:00.389 when they're young there may be a lot of nos, 00:10:00.850 --> 00:10:04.850 but as you train them, some things are just obvious 00:10:04.850 --> 00:10:07.710 to them. You've taught them what's theirs, what's 00:10:07.710 --> 00:10:12.169 not theirs. We don't damage things, right? That's 00:10:12.169 --> 00:10:16.360 a no. We're not breaking stuff, okay? But there 00:10:16.360 --> 00:10:18.240 shouldn't be a rule. There shouldn't be a rule 00:10:18.240 --> 00:10:20.860 in your home that says we don't damage property. 00:10:23.840 --> 00:10:27.960 Right? That's silly. That's a given because you've 00:10:27.960 --> 00:10:31.500 instilled that in them as they've grown. Okay? 00:10:32.080 --> 00:10:34.899 Hopefully that's helpful. Too many rules, not 00:10:34.899 --> 00:10:40.620 enough rules. There's a balance there. Not communicating 00:10:40.620 --> 00:10:44.340 expectations. They've got to know what's expected 00:10:44.340 --> 00:10:49.110 of them. So they've got to know whatever. So 00:10:49.110 --> 00:10:52.590 if you've got a list of chores or you've got 00:10:52.590 --> 00:10:54.789 things that are to be done around the house, 00:10:55.250 --> 00:10:58.409 they need to know what those things are and how 00:10:58.409 --> 00:11:01.269 they should be accomplished so that when they 00:11:01.269 --> 00:11:04.289 do them, they know this is sufficient. I've met 00:11:04.289 --> 00:11:06.470 the criteria. This is what dad wants. This is 00:11:06.470 --> 00:11:10.929 what mom wants. And I'm in the clear, so to speak. 00:11:11.889 --> 00:11:15.799 It's not okay to just be like, hey, this stuff 00:11:15.799 --> 00:11:19.279 has to be done and they kind of do it but they 00:11:19.279 --> 00:11:21.600 really don't know what you expect from them. 00:11:21.940 --> 00:11:24.980 So make clear, communicate your expectations 00:11:24.980 --> 00:11:30.659 to your children. Again it goes, we'll talk about 00:11:30.659 --> 00:11:33.980 this some more, but obedience. What do we expect 00:11:33.980 --> 00:11:36.980 in obedience? Do we expect immediate obedience 00:11:36.980 --> 00:11:40.399 or do we expect just eventually to do what mom 00:11:40.399 --> 00:11:44.059 and dad say? Okay, if all you ever expect from 00:11:44.059 --> 00:11:46.419 them is just to eventually do what I tell you 00:11:46.419 --> 00:11:49.240 to do Doesn't have to be done. Now. It doesn't 00:11:49.240 --> 00:11:51.179 have to be done with a good attitude It's just 00:11:51.179 --> 00:11:53.500 eventually and then all of a sudden one day. 00:11:53.500 --> 00:11:55.679 They don't do it right away, and you're putting 00:11:55.679 --> 00:11:58.840 the hammer down They're like what happened. It's 00:11:58.840 --> 00:12:01.620 always been fine before Now all of a sudden I 00:12:01.620 --> 00:12:03.779 got to do it right away. When did that become 00:12:03.779 --> 00:12:05.799 a rule when the wood was that ever expected? 00:12:08.320 --> 00:12:10.580 Expectations they should know what's expected 00:12:15.420 --> 00:12:26.320 Unjust discipline. Okay? It's kind of hard here. 00:12:26.700 --> 00:12:29.460 Dad's not here, so, you know, I can criticize 00:12:29.460 --> 00:12:34.480 Dad's... the things that happened. Maybe he won't 00:12:34.480 --> 00:12:37.980 listen to the sermon. But I remember, you know, 00:12:37.980 --> 00:12:41.620 sometimes... and I think Dad was a great example 00:12:41.620 --> 00:12:46.110 here, but... One thing I remember was there would 00:12:46.110 --> 00:12:48.090 be times where we didn't know who was at fault, 00:12:48.190 --> 00:12:50.710 or he didn't know who was at fault. We all got 00:12:50.710 --> 00:12:54.029 spanked. I don't think that's a very good, I 00:12:54.029 --> 00:12:55.950 don't think that's a good principle to live by. 00:12:57.590 --> 00:13:01.149 Now, we laugh about it today, and well, we probably 00:13:01.149 --> 00:13:03.629 all deserve one anyway for something we didn't 00:13:03.629 --> 00:13:08.009 do or didn't get in the past. But don't be reasonable. 00:13:08.360 --> 00:13:11.779 Okay, don't be just divvying it out without really 00:13:11.779 --> 00:13:18.559 knowing what's going on unjust discipline Playing 00:13:18.559 --> 00:13:22.200 favorites, okay, if you have favorites in your 00:13:22.200 --> 00:13:27.299 home, that's terrible. That's terrible We have 00:13:27.299 --> 00:13:30.600 an example of that right Joseph. We have the 00:13:30.600 --> 00:13:33.879 example of Joseph Jacob loved Joseph more than 00:13:33.879 --> 00:13:43.100 all his brothers so Jacob Rebecca was Rachel. 00:13:43.379 --> 00:13:46.799 Rachel was Jacob's wife. She finally had Joseph 00:13:46.799 --> 00:13:49.700 and he was the favorite because she was his favorite 00:13:49.700 --> 00:13:52.179 wife, his favorite son, gave him the coat of 00:13:52.179 --> 00:13:55.820 many colors. What did it cost? Resentment, bitterness, 00:13:57.019 --> 00:13:59.960 hatred. They hated Joseph because they knew he 00:13:59.960 --> 00:14:02.440 was dad's favorite. You can't have favorites. 00:14:02.909 --> 00:14:06.269 All that does is cause anger, frustration, and 00:14:06.269 --> 00:14:13.529 bitterness in your own. Different expectations 00:14:13.529 --> 00:14:18.970 for children. So little Johnny is expected to 00:14:18.970 --> 00:14:23.309 do this, but Jimmy isn't. And they're close enough 00:14:23.309 --> 00:14:25.610 in age that the same expectations should be had 00:14:25.610 --> 00:14:29.590 for both of them. Unreasonable. That's frustrating. 00:14:29.789 --> 00:14:32.409 Well, why doesn't he have to do this? I have 00:14:32.409 --> 00:14:35.710 to do it. Why do I have to do the dishes, take 00:14:35.710 --> 00:14:37.830 out the trash, and do everything, and he doesn't 00:14:37.830 --> 00:14:41.169 do anything because he's younger? Well, yeah, 00:14:41.169 --> 00:14:43.789 he's a year younger. But who can't take the trash 00:14:43.789 --> 00:14:47.669 out? Maybe he can't do the dishes yet. Fair enough. 00:14:48.649 --> 00:14:52.629 But he can do something, I guarantee it. So putting 00:14:52.629 --> 00:14:55.710 everything on the older kids and expecting nothing 00:14:55.710 --> 00:14:58.879 from the younger kids. Frustration. That just 00:14:58.879 --> 00:15:02.639 causes frustration. And everybody sees that in 00:15:02.639 --> 00:15:12.480 your family. This kind of goes along the same 00:15:12.480 --> 00:15:16.659 line, but babying the younger. You got your baby, 00:15:16.779 --> 00:15:22.820 he's the last one. And he can do no wrong. And 00:15:22.820 --> 00:15:25.919 so he just wreaks havoc in the home. Everything 00:15:25.919 --> 00:15:29.559 he does is okay. He can break all the rules, 00:15:31.000 --> 00:15:34.200 and nobody else can say anything to him. He can 00:15:34.200 --> 00:15:36.460 mess up your game, he can mess up your Legos, 00:15:36.519 --> 00:15:40.379 he can interrupt, he can hit you, and mom and 00:15:40.379 --> 00:15:43.980 dad are like, hey, hey now, he's the baby. You 00:15:43.980 --> 00:15:48.240 can't do that. You can't get onto him. That's 00:15:48.240 --> 00:15:50.480 wrong. That's sinful. It's frustrating to the 00:15:50.480 --> 00:15:53.799 rest of the family. Provoking our children to 00:15:53.799 --> 00:15:56.559 wrath and anger through those things is not good. 00:15:57.450 --> 00:16:01.929 Avoid those things. Everybody's looking at Ben. 00:16:02.049 --> 00:16:14.789 Ben got plenty of trouble. Being age -appropriate. 00:16:14.889 --> 00:16:18.350 So age -appropriate expectations. Age -appropriate 00:16:18.350 --> 00:16:24.289 discipline. As they grow, those expectations 00:16:24.289 --> 00:16:32.190 grow. It's not helpful in the family to expect 00:16:32.190 --> 00:16:36.110 a two -year -old to do the dishes. But at the 00:16:36.110 --> 00:16:39.690 same time, it's not good to think your 12 -year 00:16:39.690 --> 00:16:43.190 -old can't do the dishes. It goes both ways. 00:16:43.490 --> 00:16:47.429 Reasonable expectations and age -appropriate 00:16:47.429 --> 00:16:52.850 expectations. And let me just deal with this. 00:16:52.850 --> 00:16:55.090 The more expectations we have of our children, 00:16:55.110 --> 00:16:58.809 the younger they are, the better it is. Again, 00:16:58.929 --> 00:17:01.509 we want to be mindful of what they can, but we 00:17:01.509 --> 00:17:05.750 want them to have to work at what they need to 00:17:05.750 --> 00:17:08.470 grow in, right? If we never expect them to do 00:17:08.470 --> 00:17:10.650 anything above their level, so to speak, are 00:17:10.650 --> 00:17:13.309 they ever going to... It's like they're always 00:17:13.309 --> 00:17:16.750 just playing catch -up, rather than getting better, 00:17:17.990 --> 00:17:20.710 getting more responsible, learning to do different 00:17:20.710 --> 00:17:23.970 things. Again, we can help them in that. We don't 00:17:23.970 --> 00:17:25.670 expect them to do it all on their own, but we 00:17:25.670 --> 00:17:27.900 can help them with those things there. kind of 00:17:27.900 --> 00:17:31.680 above their level. And then they grow into that. 00:17:33.539 --> 00:17:38.339 And it teaches confidence and other things. Inconsistent 00:17:38.339 --> 00:17:41.700 discipline, that's a frustration. That will provoke 00:17:41.700 --> 00:17:45.440 your children to wrath. Again, allowing things 00:17:45.440 --> 00:17:48.579 to go on and then all of a sudden, boom, something's 00:17:48.579 --> 00:17:52.519 got to change. Consistency in the home is key. 00:17:58.569 --> 00:18:01.230 Couple of examples here. I already gave the example 00:18:01.230 --> 00:18:11.410 of Jacob with Joseph And I want to give a couple 00:18:11.410 --> 00:18:16.230 examples here just a negative parenting in Scripture 00:18:16.230 --> 00:18:24.130 So we have Jacob even before that if you remember 00:18:24.130 --> 00:18:27.980 Rachel Rachel And Isaac with Esau and Jacob, 00:18:28.039 --> 00:18:30.779 who was the favorite there? Jacob was Rachel's 00:18:30.779 --> 00:18:33.700 favorite, right? And so again, wasn't a good 00:18:33.700 --> 00:18:38.339 situation in that home. Another example is David. 00:18:39.720 --> 00:18:42.720 David's life, David apparently was not a very 00:18:42.720 --> 00:18:45.460 good father, it would appear. He failed in many 00:18:45.460 --> 00:18:50.079 ways. And I'm not just wanting to tear down David, 00:18:50.180 --> 00:18:57.690 but if you remember his oldest son, Amnon. Amnon 00:18:57.690 --> 00:19:02.670 raped his half -sister. And David did nothing 00:19:02.670 --> 00:19:07.470 about it. And then, so that was Tamar. And then 00:19:07.470 --> 00:19:12.009 Tamar's brother, Absalom, was infuriated by it. 00:19:12.569 --> 00:19:16.910 And eventually he killed him. So he, so Amnon 00:19:16.910 --> 00:19:20.849 rapes his sister. David does nothing. Absalom 00:19:20.849 --> 00:19:25.500 then kills Amnon. David still does nothing. Then 00:19:25.500 --> 00:19:29.680 what happens? Then Absalom goes away. He runs 00:19:29.680 --> 00:19:32.180 away because he's afraid. Dead might kill me 00:19:32.180 --> 00:19:36.059 for this one. This was a bad deal. Joab convinces 00:19:36.059 --> 00:19:38.680 David to bring him back. He does. He still doesn't 00:19:38.680 --> 00:19:40.900 have anything to do with him though. And the 00:19:40.900 --> 00:19:46.500 next thing you know, Absalom causes a revolt. 00:19:48.039 --> 00:19:51.910 And David has to flee Jerusalem. and is afraid 00:19:51.910 --> 00:19:56.009 for his life. Absalom is going to kill him. Absalom 00:19:56.009 --> 00:20:01.369 then winds up dying in the battle. So it wasn't 00:20:01.369 --> 00:20:04.730 a good thing. It was some really poor decisions 00:20:04.730 --> 00:20:10.990 there as a father. One thing that the Bible says 00:20:10.990 --> 00:20:19.880 here, I think it's 2 Samuel 13. Or maybe it's 00:20:19.880 --> 00:20:23.279 1 Kings 1, no it's 1 Kings. So in 1 Kings, so 00:20:23.279 --> 00:20:26.660 the story of Absalom, Abnon, and all them, that's 00:20:26.660 --> 00:20:31.380 2 Samuel 13 and 14 if you read that. But in 1 00:20:31.380 --> 00:20:38.799 Kings 1 6, I want to read this. So this is another, 00:20:39.420 --> 00:20:41.839 this is an example of what not to do here. In 00:20:41.839 --> 00:20:50.980 1 Kings 1 6, So David here has died, or he hasn't 00:20:50.980 --> 00:20:53.740 died, but he's on his death bed, so to speak. 00:20:54.700 --> 00:20:58.579 And so Adonijah is his son. He says, now Adonijah 00:20:58.579 --> 00:21:01.339 the son of Haggath exalted himself saying, I 00:21:01.339 --> 00:21:04.539 will be king. So he prepared for himself chariots, 00:21:04.619 --> 00:21:07.700 horsemen with 50 men to run before him. And it 00:21:07.700 --> 00:21:10.920 says his father had never crossed him at any 00:21:10.920 --> 00:21:14.660 time by asking, why have you done this? And he 00:21:14.660 --> 00:21:18.359 was also a very handsome man. And he was the 00:21:18.359 --> 00:21:21.900 next in line. He was born after Absalom. So here's 00:21:21.900 --> 00:21:24.140 this son. He's like, I'm going to be king now. 00:21:24.960 --> 00:21:28.380 Amnon's dead. Absalom's dead. I'm next in line. 00:21:28.420 --> 00:21:32.680 I'll be king. He prepares to be king. And reasonably, 00:21:32.740 --> 00:21:35.720 he should have been, right? But why hadn't David 00:21:35.720 --> 00:21:38.160 told him? No, you won't be king. Solomon will 00:21:38.160 --> 00:21:41.519 be king. But all through his life, David had 00:21:41.519 --> 00:21:43.950 never crossed him. had never said, why are you 00:21:43.950 --> 00:21:46.490 doing this? Why have you done this? What are 00:21:46.490 --> 00:21:52.049 you thinking here? It ended bad for him as well. 00:21:53.950 --> 00:21:59.269 What's my point? Who was David? How was he described? 00:22:02.410 --> 00:22:08.329 As a low down, dirty rotten scoundrel? A man 00:22:08.329 --> 00:22:11.450 after God's own heart. That's how the Bible describes 00:22:11.450 --> 00:22:16.930 David. He is set up on a pedestal and an example 00:22:16.930 --> 00:22:22.390 of godly king. Throughout Kings and Chronicles, 00:22:23.109 --> 00:22:25.630 this one did not follow after David. This one 00:22:25.630 --> 00:22:32.049 did serve as David served. Always, David was 00:22:32.049 --> 00:22:35.829 the standard of a godly king. What's my point? 00:22:36.769 --> 00:22:40.309 It's not enough to be a godly man. These things 00:22:40.309 --> 00:22:44.460 won't just happen. David was a man after God's 00:22:44.460 --> 00:22:48.759 own heart, and yet he failed as a father. So 00:22:48.759 --> 00:22:52.839 being a godly man, being in the Word, walking 00:22:52.839 --> 00:22:55.259 with the Lord, having a relationship with the 00:22:55.259 --> 00:22:58.779 Lord, being obedient to the Lord, conquering 00:22:58.779 --> 00:23:02.859 in the Lord's name, it's not enough. You have 00:23:02.859 --> 00:23:06.720 got to be intentional as a father. You have got 00:23:06.720 --> 00:23:10.420 to put forth an effort. You have got to do... 00:23:10.000 --> 00:23:13.880 what God has called you to do as a father, not 00:23:13.880 --> 00:23:17.160 just as a man. It's not enough. Just because 00:23:17.160 --> 00:23:19.160 you're a godly man doesn't mean you're going 00:23:19.160 --> 00:23:23.759 to be a great father if you're not intentional 00:23:23.759 --> 00:23:27.619 to obey the Lord in what He's called you to as 00:23:27.619 --> 00:23:35.420 a father. It's work. It requires effort. Another 00:23:35.420 --> 00:23:40.430 example is Eli in 1 Samuel 2, 29. His sons were 00:23:40.430 --> 00:23:43.490 worthless fellows, the Bible says. Sons of Belial, 00:23:43.609 --> 00:23:48.490 I think it is said. But Eli is rebuked there 00:23:48.490 --> 00:23:51.230 in 1 Samuel 2 .29. It says, you honor your sons 00:23:51.230 --> 00:23:55.690 above me. Eli didn't deal with his wicked sons. 00:23:55.769 --> 00:23:59.329 They continued to be priests and did all manner 00:23:59.329 --> 00:24:03.210 of evil. And Eli never dealt with them. And he's 00:24:03.210 --> 00:24:07.130 rebuked for that. And because of that, his line... 00:24:08.200 --> 00:24:12.140 They don't serve anymore. They're all taken away 00:24:12.140 --> 00:24:17.779 It's a serious thing To be a father and it's 00:24:17.779 --> 00:24:21.200 a great responsibility and it requires much effort 00:24:21.200 --> 00:24:24.779 much hard work To accomplish what the Lord has 00:24:24.779 --> 00:24:29.119 called us to as fathers So do not provoke and 00:24:29.119 --> 00:24:33.869 then he goes on here He says Do not provoke your 00:24:33.869 --> 00:24:36.509 children, but bring them up in the discipline 00:24:36.509 --> 00:24:44.250 and instruction of the Lord." So bring them up. 00:24:45.009 --> 00:24:51.730 The King James says, nurture them. And I think 00:24:51.730 --> 00:24:54.430 the King James says discipline and admonition 00:24:54.430 --> 00:24:58.589 of the Lord. So what do these words mean? Well, 00:24:58.589 --> 00:25:02.519 to bring them up or to nurture them is The idea 00:25:02.519 --> 00:25:06.160 there is to nourish up to maturity. So that's 00:25:06.160 --> 00:25:09.359 what Paul is saying. He says, bring your children 00:25:09.359 --> 00:25:13.579 from children to men. Bring them to maturity. 00:25:14.319 --> 00:25:17.500 That's the goal of us fathers is that our children 00:25:17.500 --> 00:25:25.559 would mature, would grow. Again, you don't just 00:25:25.559 --> 00:25:30.440 stay a child. You are a child and you grow into 00:25:30.440 --> 00:25:34.519 a man. That's the goal. That's what we're striving 00:25:34.519 --> 00:25:38.960 after for our children To mature to maturity 00:25:38.960 --> 00:25:43.200 Paul talks about us as Christians Becoming mature 00:25:43.200 --> 00:25:46.460 growing up Right. We don't want to be those infants 00:25:46.460 --> 00:25:53.059 those children So to bring up to maturity This 00:25:53.059 --> 00:25:55.539 word discipline, what does this word discipline 00:25:55.539 --> 00:26:04.950 mean? There are three three words here that are 00:26:04.950 --> 00:26:07.390 translated discipline in a number of places in 00:26:07.390 --> 00:26:12.109 the New Testament. This word here has to do with 00:26:12.109 --> 00:26:14.769 the whole training and education of children. 00:26:15.309 --> 00:26:18.789 Okay, so this is kind of the overarching discipline 00:26:18.789 --> 00:26:21.430 of your children. It has to do with everything. 00:26:22.890 --> 00:26:25.670 There's another word that is translated discipline 00:26:25.670 --> 00:26:29.809 in Hebrews. Hebrews 12, five through nine, this 00:26:29.809 --> 00:26:32.890 word is used, I think, all three different ways. 00:26:33.289 --> 00:26:39.650 It has to do with being instructed or taught. 00:26:40.769 --> 00:26:44.650 And it also has to do with chastisement, punishment. 00:26:45.509 --> 00:26:50.230 And then in verse nine, the same word is translated 00:26:50.230 --> 00:26:53.769 the same way, a different word translated the 00:26:53.769 --> 00:26:56.009 same way. And again, it has the same idea here 00:26:56.009 --> 00:26:58.890 of chastiser, corrector, an instructor, or a 00:26:58.890 --> 00:27:01.880 teacher. So this word in Ephesians, it has to 00:27:01.880 --> 00:27:05.720 do with all of these things. Instructing, teaching, 00:27:06.680 --> 00:27:10.960 chastising, correcting, everything. So this word 00:27:10.960 --> 00:27:14.619 in Ephesians, when Paul says nurture them or 00:27:14.619 --> 00:27:19.940 bring them to maturity and discipline, he's talking 00:27:19.940 --> 00:27:24.319 about everything that has to do with child training. 00:27:25.799 --> 00:27:29.130 Okay? It's not just spanking. So when we see 00:27:29.130 --> 00:27:30.730 discipline, that's a lot of times what we think 00:27:30.730 --> 00:27:34.069 about is spanking our kids. And it's included 00:27:34.069 --> 00:27:37.329 in this word, discipline, but it is more than 00:27:37.329 --> 00:27:41.150 just that, all right? So he says to bring them 00:27:41.150 --> 00:27:44.769 up into discipline and the instruction or the 00:27:44.769 --> 00:27:50.410 admonition. So again, instruction, admonition. 00:27:52.490 --> 00:27:55.049 It could be, again, it has to do with teaching, 00:27:55.569 --> 00:27:59.329 exhortation, The same word is used in Titus 3 00:27:59.329 --> 00:28:02.509 -4 regarding a warning, so warning our children. 00:28:02.950 --> 00:28:06.750 So all of that is included here. As fathers, 00:28:06.809 --> 00:28:11.569 we are responsible for all aspects of our child's 00:28:11.569 --> 00:28:16.130 maturity. And how are we to do this? In the Lord, 00:28:16.150 --> 00:28:19.710 he says. In the Lord, in other words, with an 00:28:19.710 --> 00:28:22.849 eye to what the Lord has called us to, the principles 00:28:22.849 --> 00:28:25.490 that we are to live by, the instructions that 00:28:25.490 --> 00:28:28.930 he has given us. and the goals to the glory of 00:28:28.930 --> 00:28:32.329 God. William Henderson says this about it. He 00:28:32.329 --> 00:28:35.869 says, the very heart of Christian nurture is 00:28:35.869 --> 00:28:38.890 this, to bring the heart of the child to the 00:28:38.890 --> 00:28:41.990 heart of the Savior. That's our goal here. Through 00:28:41.990 --> 00:28:45.670 all of this discipline and nurture is to bring 00:28:45.670 --> 00:28:49.069 our children's hearts to the Lord. We want to 00:28:49.069 --> 00:28:53.329 change and transform them for their good and 00:28:53.329 --> 00:29:00.480 for the glory of God. That's our motive in everything 00:29:00.480 --> 00:29:05.319 that we do, God's glory, the benefit of our children. 00:29:06.740 --> 00:29:09.660 So teaching, correcting, punishing, I wrote down 00:29:09.660 --> 00:29:13.599 here, all are included in bringing children to 00:29:13.599 --> 00:29:18.099 maturity. And as I already said, fathers are 00:29:18.099 --> 00:29:22.420 responsible to make sure that this happens in 00:29:22.420 --> 00:29:25.220 their home. As I've said before, it's not as 00:29:25.220 --> 00:29:28.039 though the father has to do all of these things, 00:29:28.140 --> 00:29:30.779 right? It's going to be hard to do everything 00:29:30.779 --> 00:29:33.000 when you're off at work, doing what you're supposed 00:29:33.000 --> 00:29:36.079 to be doing, providing for your home. But you 00:29:36.079 --> 00:29:42.119 need to set in place rules, standards, you and 00:29:42.119 --> 00:29:45.180 your wife in agreement so that while you're gone, 00:29:45.420 --> 00:29:49.119 these things are being done. You're on the same 00:29:49.119 --> 00:29:52.740 page. We talked about that last week. Communicating 00:29:52.740 --> 00:29:56.920 as leaders, what are we doing? How are we going 00:29:56.920 --> 00:30:00.039 to do this? What are we doing with little Johnny 00:30:00.039 --> 00:30:04.099 here? How are we going to discipline and instruct 00:30:04.099 --> 00:30:08.099 him to maturity? And those things are set in 00:30:08.099 --> 00:30:10.539 place. And then when you get home at night, you're 00:30:10.539 --> 00:30:14.339 making sure this is what's going on. Dealing 00:30:14.339 --> 00:30:20.440 with problems then. Helping your wife. in every 00:30:20.440 --> 00:30:27.259 way that you need to. Alright. I'm not going 00:30:27.259 --> 00:30:30.079 to spend much time here, but obviously one way 00:30:30.079 --> 00:30:34.079 that we do this is by being examples. We live 00:30:34.079 --> 00:30:37.640 before our children what it is to be a godly, 00:30:37.799 --> 00:30:43.319 mature man that they would grow up into. We already 00:30:43.319 --> 00:30:48.529 talked about that. Positive instruction. So we 00:30:48.529 --> 00:30:52.049 do this through positive instruction. Instruction 00:30:52.049 --> 00:31:05.089 is key. A couple of verses. Proverbs 10. Proverbs 00:31:05.089 --> 00:31:24.039 10 -17. What does he say here? when I thought 00:31:24.039 --> 00:31:27.440 it was. He is on the path of life who heeds instruction, 00:31:27.859 --> 00:31:34.019 but he who ignores reproof goes astray. Throughout 00:31:34.019 --> 00:31:41.700 the Proverbs, what is being said? Hear my Son, 00:31:42.059 --> 00:31:45.759 right? Hear my words. Listen to my instruction. 00:31:46.380 --> 00:31:50.519 In order for our children to be hearing something, 00:31:50.579 --> 00:31:54.140 we've got to be doing something. It requires 00:31:54.140 --> 00:31:59.440 our effort in instruction. When Solomon's writing 00:31:59.440 --> 00:32:03.900 these Proverbs for his son, his desire is to 00:32:03.900 --> 00:32:07.559 teach him what to do and what not to do. And 00:32:07.559 --> 00:32:11.480 so we must, in a positive way, instruct our children 00:32:11.480 --> 00:32:14.660 in what to do, how they are to act, how they 00:32:14.660 --> 00:32:21.009 are to think. It's vital. It's vital that we 00:32:21.009 --> 00:32:23.809 give instruction. It's not enough to be here 00:32:23.809 --> 00:32:27.650 on Sunday mornings, Wednesday nights, and then 00:32:27.650 --> 00:32:29.509 that's it. That's all the instruction our children 00:32:29.509 --> 00:32:33.109 have in spiritual things. That's not sufficient. 00:32:34.890 --> 00:32:37.470 It's not sufficient that they just learn from 00:32:37.470 --> 00:32:41.430 their mistakes. That's not what we're supposed 00:32:41.430 --> 00:32:46.000 to be doing. I was thinking about this. Can you 00:32:46.000 --> 00:32:49.200 think of anywhere in scripture where we're encouraged 00:32:49.200 --> 00:32:52.039 to just let everybody learn from their mistakes? 00:32:55.460 --> 00:32:57.920 I'm seriously asking that question because I 00:32:57.920 --> 00:32:59.700 thought about it and I couldn't come up with 00:32:59.700 --> 00:33:03.119 anything where it was just kind of like the Lord 00:33:03.119 --> 00:33:05.480 just let these folks just do whatever they wanted 00:33:05.480 --> 00:33:10.200 without any instruction and then. Well, now I'll 00:33:10.200 --> 00:33:13.539 teach you how you should have done. I can't think 00:33:13.539 --> 00:33:17.500 of anywhere. The Lord always gave instruction. 00:33:17.680 --> 00:33:21.680 Here's what you should do. And then they didn't 00:33:21.680 --> 00:33:24.460 do it and they were chastened for or punished, 00:33:24.859 --> 00:33:29.619 rebuked. That's how we are to be. We are to give 00:33:29.619 --> 00:33:33.759 the clear instruction to our children. What you 00:33:33.759 --> 00:33:38.039 should do, what you should not do, what the consequences 00:33:38.039 --> 00:33:42.180 will be. I was listening to a sermon by Ryan 00:33:42.180 --> 00:33:45.700 Folgin on this and he was talking about telling 00:33:45.700 --> 00:33:49.740 our children the realities that come from their 00:33:49.740 --> 00:33:54.759 disobedience or from the Proverbs. So many things 00:33:54.759 --> 00:33:58.200 lead to death and destruction. The wayward woman 00:33:58.200 --> 00:34:00.160 going into the wayward woman, your life will 00:34:00.160 --> 00:34:03.799 be ruined. And he was talking about how he heard 00:34:03.799 --> 00:34:06.380 this mother one time looking at the kid was looking 00:34:06.380 --> 00:34:10.139 at these magazines. As they were checking out 00:34:10.139 --> 00:34:12.960 and she said, you know, kick scantily clad women 00:34:12.960 --> 00:34:16.440 and whatnot and she says, oh, that's gross, isn't 00:34:16.440 --> 00:34:19.920 it? And he said, no, that's not gross He says 00:34:19.920 --> 00:34:22.639 that's attractive and that kid knows that that's 00:34:22.639 --> 00:34:25.880 attractive. It's not gross. That's death That's 00:34:25.880 --> 00:34:29.739 where that will lead you Tell them the truth 00:34:29.739 --> 00:34:34.000 positive instruction It's wrong. It's sinful 00:34:34.000 --> 00:34:38.260 and it's death if you follow that path Don't 00:34:38.260 --> 00:34:41.699 sugarcoat it. Tell them the truth. So positive 00:34:41.699 --> 00:34:46.860 instruction. The Proverbs are full of it. Hear 00:34:46.860 --> 00:34:51.659 my words, my son. Listen to wisdom. Everything 00:34:51.659 --> 00:34:54.460 is in Proverbs. There's so much instruction there 00:34:54.460 --> 00:34:57.780 for young children. You can go through the Proverbs 00:34:57.780 --> 00:35:02.159 continually. And there's so much to mine. So 00:35:02.159 --> 00:35:06.440 many treasures there. So many jewels. to impart 00:35:06.440 --> 00:35:09.460 wisdom, instruction, and knowledge to your children. 00:35:10.380 --> 00:35:16.519 It is imperative that we are taking advantage 00:35:16.519 --> 00:35:19.380 of the Word of God in our children's instruction. 00:35:20.659 --> 00:35:24.380 Now, what other instruction are there? Well, 00:35:24.440 --> 00:35:26.480 there's just instruction in life, right? I mean, 00:35:26.639 --> 00:35:29.480 just practical, everyday things that we need 00:35:29.480 --> 00:35:33.099 to be teaching our children. We need to be teaching 00:35:33.099 --> 00:35:37.579 them the good things and the bad things. And 00:35:37.579 --> 00:35:40.159 it's important that we take every opportunity, 00:35:40.599 --> 00:35:46.739 okay? So with my kids, I don't know if they remember 00:35:46.739 --> 00:35:48.780 this or not, I mean there were so many times 00:35:48.780 --> 00:35:51.360 where their friends would do something. Or we 00:35:51.360 --> 00:35:53.699 would hear about somebody doing something. And 00:35:53.699 --> 00:35:56.400 we would talk about that. That was really silly. 00:35:56.860 --> 00:35:59.239 That was a foolish decision. Now this is gonna 00:35:59.239 --> 00:36:03.420 be the result of that. Drugs, alcohol, all of 00:36:03.420 --> 00:36:05.559 those different things. Do your kids know what 00:36:05.559 --> 00:36:08.300 comes with all of those things? Are you instructing 00:36:08.300 --> 00:36:10.719 them? It's not enough to just never let them 00:36:10.719 --> 00:36:12.980 know anything about drugs. Yeah, you don't ever 00:36:12.980 --> 00:36:15.480 want them to experience those things, but they 00:36:15.480 --> 00:36:20.260 need to know. At the appropriate age, beware. 00:36:20.900 --> 00:36:24.119 This is death. Literally, this will kill you. 00:36:24.860 --> 00:36:27.199 It just won't leave and ruin your life. It will 00:36:27.199 --> 00:36:31.199 kill you. alcohol, the same thing, all of these 00:36:31.199 --> 00:36:35.099 things. Are we teaching our children? Do we have 00:36:35.099 --> 00:36:38.760 a plan to teach our children? Are we using the 00:36:38.760 --> 00:36:43.380 opportunities that in everyday life, when we 00:36:43.380 --> 00:36:47.019 see something that goes on, our kids see something. 00:36:47.760 --> 00:36:49.500 We're at the grocery store, we're at the ball 00:36:49.500 --> 00:36:52.280 fields, we see some kind of terrible behavior 00:36:52.280 --> 00:36:55.579 or some crazy thing going on. That's an opportunity 00:36:55.579 --> 00:36:58.230 for instruction. Yeah, did you see that? Yeah, 00:36:58.230 --> 00:37:00.269 that was pretty bad. He really lost his temper 00:37:00.269 --> 00:37:04.150 there and Now he's gonna go to jail because he 00:37:04.150 --> 00:37:06.610 hit that guy. We've got to learn to control ourselves 00:37:06.610 --> 00:37:09.409 So like when you get mad at your brother You 00:37:09.409 --> 00:37:11.789 you can't hit him. You've got to control those 00:37:11.789 --> 00:37:15.570 emotions teaching instructing and showing the 00:37:15.570 --> 00:37:19.349 results of those Poor decisions and those actions. 00:37:19.349 --> 00:37:23.489 So take advantage of every opportunity To teach 00:37:23.489 --> 00:37:27.309 and to train your children give that positive 00:37:27.309 --> 00:37:32.730 instruction. And then along with this, if we're 00:37:32.730 --> 00:37:35.190 going to teach them and we are going to train 00:37:35.190 --> 00:37:39.030 them and nourish them and grow them up into maturity, 00:37:39.869 --> 00:37:42.190 we also have to deal with negative instruction, 00:37:42.349 --> 00:37:48.230 right? There has to be dealing with wrong thinking, 00:37:50.230 --> 00:37:53.769 wrong attitudes, those types of things. We've 00:37:53.769 --> 00:37:57.110 got to deal with everything. Every aspect of 00:37:57.110 --> 00:38:01.730 our child's development is what we have to grow 00:38:01.730 --> 00:38:05.809 up into maturity. Their attitude, their actions, 00:38:06.190 --> 00:38:10.170 everything has to be instructed. They're not 00:38:10.170 --> 00:38:12.110 just going to learn these things on their own. 00:38:14.610 --> 00:38:17.329 They might, but it may take a whole lot of negative 00:38:17.329 --> 00:38:20.789 things first before they finally realize, I've 00:38:20.789 --> 00:38:24.139 got to learn to control my temper. If you don't 00:38:24.139 --> 00:38:26.000 teach them that at a young age, what happens 00:38:26.000 --> 00:38:30.539 when they get older? We've all seen it. People 00:38:30.539 --> 00:38:35.300 out of control in our society. We see it constantly. 00:38:38.159 --> 00:38:40.280 Talking to the kids, somebody shot somebody in 00:38:40.280 --> 00:38:41.599 the drive -thru because they didn't get what 00:38:41.599 --> 00:38:44.300 they were supposed to get. They're in jail now. 00:38:44.559 --> 00:38:47.579 Somebody's dead and they're in jail because they 00:38:47.579 --> 00:38:49.300 couldn't control themselves enough to get through 00:38:49.300 --> 00:38:55.010 the drive -thru line. That's insanity. No instruction 00:38:55.010 --> 00:39:02.349 in that child's life ever So positive instruction 00:39:02.349 --> 00:39:04.969 negative instruction in the sense of correcting 00:39:04.969 --> 00:39:16.130 Now if we are going to Discipline and train our 00:39:16.130 --> 00:39:20.409 children. We've got to know our children Every 00:39:20.409 --> 00:39:24.349 child is different Their attitude is different 00:39:24.349 --> 00:39:29.429 Their mentality is different Their emotions are 00:39:29.429 --> 00:39:35.849 different. We have five children And I can honestly 00:39:35.849 --> 00:39:41.090 say they are Totally different in so many ways 00:39:41.090 --> 00:39:53.309 so many ways I Failed I'm not realizing that 00:39:53.309 --> 00:39:58.349 early enough in my kids' lives that I needed 00:39:58.349 --> 00:40:01.829 to deal with them differently. You have got to 00:40:01.829 --> 00:40:05.829 know your children. They're not all the same 00:40:05.829 --> 00:40:10.809 and they're not like me. Thankfully, they're 00:40:10.809 --> 00:40:13.510 different and you've got to deal with them differently. 00:40:14.210 --> 00:40:17.289 That doesn't mean the rules change. It just means 00:40:17.289 --> 00:40:20.369 how you deal with them and the instruction you 00:40:20.369 --> 00:40:25.420 give them It's going to be different. It's not 00:40:25.420 --> 00:40:31.480 a one size fits all. Again, I'm not saying the 00:40:31.480 --> 00:40:34.099 discipline isn't the same. I think it is. They're 00:40:34.099 --> 00:40:38.000 all going to get spanked. But it's going to be 00:40:38.000 --> 00:40:41.659 how we do these things is going to be different. 00:40:42.260 --> 00:40:44.539 The type of instruction they need is going to 00:40:44.539 --> 00:40:47.599 be different. We may need to be a little harder 00:40:47.599 --> 00:40:50.369 on one than on another. because he's stubborn 00:40:50.369 --> 00:40:53.469 and bullheaded and we've really got to deal with 00:40:53.469 --> 00:40:57.030 him. Another one may be a little softer and it's 00:40:57.030 --> 00:41:00.590 not going to take nearly as much to deal with 00:41:00.590 --> 00:41:04.010 that child, to correct them and to break their 00:41:04.010 --> 00:41:07.650 will as we want. So in order for us to instruct 00:41:07.650 --> 00:41:10.650 our children appropriately we must know our children, 00:41:11.409 --> 00:41:14.369 know their strengths and their weaknesses, know 00:41:14.369 --> 00:41:18.710 their emotional state, how they are. You've got 00:41:18.710 --> 00:41:21.730 to understand that and to deal with them accordingly. 00:41:27.030 --> 00:41:34.989 How about this? You've got to know how they interact 00:41:34.989 --> 00:41:38.590 with other people. Alright? So, are they easily 00:41:38.590 --> 00:41:42.210 influenced? When their friends are around, do 00:41:42.210 --> 00:41:44.070 they just go with the flow and do what's wrong? 00:41:44.730 --> 00:41:47.110 Or are they the one that says, yeah, we're not 00:41:47.110 --> 00:41:50.710 doing that. That's foolish. And he's the one 00:41:50.710 --> 00:41:52.849 who leads the crowd into doing what's right. 00:41:53.710 --> 00:41:58.409 You've got to know that, right? Because what 00:41:58.409 --> 00:42:04.030 friends are you going to let them have? If they're 00:42:04.030 --> 00:42:06.469 the strong one, then they can be an influence 00:42:06.469 --> 00:42:08.590 for good in the lives of some of their friends. 00:42:09.230 --> 00:42:11.909 But if they're just being sucked here and there 00:42:11.909 --> 00:42:15.289 and turned astray, You can't let them hang out 00:42:15.289 --> 00:42:19.889 with people that are going to take them down 00:42:19.889 --> 00:42:23.010 a bad path. You've got to know your children. 00:42:24.250 --> 00:42:26.969 You've got to know what they're capable of, their 00:42:26.969 --> 00:42:29.449 strengths, their weaknesses, how easily influenced 00:42:29.449 --> 00:42:32.730 they are, how well they'll influence others. 00:42:33.349 --> 00:42:36.570 All of those things play a role in how we deal 00:42:36.570 --> 00:42:39.550 with our children and what we allow them to do 00:42:39.550 --> 00:42:54.980 and what we don't allow them to do. Some of this 00:42:54.980 --> 00:43:03.079 is redundant, but so be it. Every aspect of our 00:43:03.079 --> 00:43:06.179 child development is our responsibility. We're 00:43:06.179 --> 00:43:10.820 not just talking spiritual, right? Yes, we want 00:43:10.820 --> 00:43:14.840 to raise them up in a spiritual way. We want 00:43:14.840 --> 00:43:18.320 to nurture them in the things of the Lord. We 00:43:18.320 --> 00:43:22.559 want to teach them and to train them in Bible 00:43:22.559 --> 00:43:26.940 reading. in memorization, in study. All of those 00:43:26.940 --> 00:43:29.699 things should be part of our instruction to them. 00:43:31.099 --> 00:43:35.099 And those are vital. Those are essential. They 00:43:35.099 --> 00:43:39.300 are necessary. But there's more to it than that. 00:43:39.559 --> 00:43:42.420 There's more to bringing our children to maturity 00:43:42.420 --> 00:43:48.500 than just in spiritual things. Physical maturity. 00:43:49.000 --> 00:43:52.760 That is our responsibility as parents. Are we 00:43:53.579 --> 00:43:56.880 developing physically mature children. Okay, 00:43:56.880 --> 00:44:00.059 so what do I mean by that? Well, are they eating 00:44:00.059 --> 00:44:03.119 properly? Have you ever thought of that? That's 00:44:03.119 --> 00:44:06.739 your responsibility as a parent. Do they eat 00:44:06.739 --> 00:44:09.119 properly? Are they taking care of themselves? 00:44:10.360 --> 00:44:13.699 So, you know, me and Amanda used to laugh. When 00:44:13.699 --> 00:44:17.340 the kids were young, nobody wanted to take a 00:44:17.340 --> 00:44:20.300 bath. Nobody wanted to take a shower. And then 00:44:20.300 --> 00:44:23.730 we just couldn't. With Caleb, we were like, wow, 00:44:23.829 --> 00:44:26.329 all of a sudden, he's taking care of himself 00:44:26.329 --> 00:44:30.110 now. And with each one of the kids, eventually 00:44:30.110 --> 00:44:32.090 they were like, yeah, I gotta take a shower. 00:44:33.590 --> 00:44:36.730 And it was once a week, now it's like twice a 00:44:36.730 --> 00:44:38.489 week. Then it came to every day, you're like, 00:44:38.570 --> 00:44:41.610 yes, we have arrived. We don't have to tell them 00:44:41.610 --> 00:44:45.349 to clean themselves anymore. But before that 00:44:45.349 --> 00:44:49.630 time came, you had to tell them. You're stinking. 00:44:49.789 --> 00:44:51.769 Get in there and take a shower. When's the last 00:44:51.769 --> 00:44:55.809 time you showered? And so we've got to do those 00:44:55.809 --> 00:44:58.230 things. It's not okay to just let your kids run 00:44:58.230 --> 00:45:00.070 around stinking all the time. That's not healthy. 00:45:00.469 --> 00:45:03.170 That's not good for them. You're not teaching 00:45:03.170 --> 00:45:06.309 discipline. You've got to make them do those 00:45:06.309 --> 00:45:09.829 things. Brushing their teeth. Who likes to brush 00:45:09.829 --> 00:45:13.289 their teeth? I still just think it's a waste 00:45:13.289 --> 00:45:17.369 of time, but I have to do it. Every morning. 00:45:18.539 --> 00:45:22.619 Sometimes in the evening. Right? It's what you 00:45:22.619 --> 00:45:25.159 gotta do. It's what you gotta do. And you've 00:45:25.159 --> 00:45:27.380 got to teach your children to care for themselves. 00:45:28.980 --> 00:45:32.579 That's a responsible parent. We've all seen the 00:45:32.579 --> 00:45:35.079 opposite of those things. You don't want that. 00:45:35.139 --> 00:45:39.480 You don't want your children as outcasts in society 00:45:39.480 --> 00:45:43.579 because they're filthy. That's not a good thing. 00:45:43.639 --> 00:45:46.380 That's not a good example. That's not an example 00:45:46.380 --> 00:45:51.960 to the world. of a godly parent. So, with their 00:45:51.960 --> 00:45:55.360 health, with their physical care, their cleanliness, 00:45:56.139 --> 00:46:00.019 physical activity, again, not everybody's an 00:46:00.019 --> 00:46:03.019 athlete, and that's fine. But there should be 00:46:03.019 --> 00:46:06.780 some physical activity in life. That's good, 00:46:06.780 --> 00:46:12.760 that's healthy. Learning, again, if you don't 00:46:12.760 --> 00:46:16.260 know it, your kid's bodies change. I remember. 00:46:16.480 --> 00:46:21.260 as you know the way they would run the way they'd 00:46:21.260 --> 00:46:23.679 move and then things began to change like oh 00:46:23.679 --> 00:46:25.599 hey look he actually looks athletic when he's 00:46:25.599 --> 00:46:28.900 running now instead of like a duck out there 00:46:28.900 --> 00:46:32.360 like what is he doing okay those things change 00:46:32.360 --> 00:46:35.360 and it's good that we encourage those things 00:46:35.360 --> 00:46:38.000 running around and all of that that's part of 00:46:38.000 --> 00:46:41.679 growing up and experiencing what your body's 00:46:41.679 --> 00:46:47.380 capable of maturity mature maturing physically. 00:46:48.340 --> 00:46:53.179 How about emotional maturity? Okay? That is essential. 00:46:53.519 --> 00:46:55.760 You have got to teach your children how to deal 00:46:55.760 --> 00:47:00.320 with their emotions. Emotions are not bad. They're 00:47:00.320 --> 00:47:04.760 good. The Lord has given them to us. We are emotional 00:47:04.760 --> 00:47:09.039 people and that is a good thing. How do we deal 00:47:09.039 --> 00:47:11.940 with those emotions? Do we let them rule our 00:47:11.940 --> 00:47:20.699 lives? Anger, frustration, right? Everybody who 00:47:20.699 --> 00:47:23.460 has kids and you young people who are having 00:47:23.460 --> 00:47:26.780 kids are going to see all of these things. The 00:47:26.780 --> 00:47:30.480 anger in your little toddler. Maybe you're a 00:47:30.480 --> 00:47:32.980 little baby, but he doesn't get what he wants. 00:47:34.079 --> 00:47:37.940 If you just leave that alone, that doesn't change 00:47:37.940 --> 00:47:41.920 as they grow up. It gets worse. And unless the 00:47:41.920 --> 00:47:45.760 Lord doesn't work, it never changes. We've got 00:47:45.760 --> 00:47:48.940 to teach them how to deal with their emotions. 00:47:48.940 --> 00:47:52.840 We've got to correct it and then deal with it 00:47:52.840 --> 00:47:55.880 Depression discouragement. We've got to teach 00:47:55.880 --> 00:47:58.719 them how to deal with those things. We're down 00:47:58.719 --> 00:48:02.840 Why are you down? Talking them through those 00:48:02.840 --> 00:48:06.280 things getting them Away from those thoughts 00:48:06.280 --> 00:48:09.159 that are causing the problems all of those things 00:48:09.159 --> 00:48:12.920 are our responsibility as fathers Teaching our 00:48:12.920 --> 00:48:17.449 children how to deal with their emotions. To 00:48:17.449 --> 00:48:21.190 think clearly through their emotions. We have 00:48:21.190 --> 00:48:24.070 got to deal with those things. Fear. There's 00:48:24.070 --> 00:48:27.309 a big one. You've got to deal with your children's 00:48:27.309 --> 00:48:33.909 fear. As parents, our children will play off 00:48:33.909 --> 00:48:38.050 of our emotions. If you haven't seen that, you 00:48:38.050 --> 00:48:41.610 will. And so if you live a life of fear, what 00:48:41.610 --> 00:48:44.480 do you think your children are going to do? They're 00:48:44.480 --> 00:48:47.260 going to be fearful. If you're worried about 00:48:47.260 --> 00:48:49.599 every little thing, your kids are going to be 00:48:49.599 --> 00:48:51.920 worried about every little thing. They know that. 00:48:51.920 --> 00:48:55.099 They see that. They sense that in you. I don't 00:48:55.099 --> 00:48:59.139 know why, but mom's scared right now, and I don't 00:48:59.139 --> 00:49:01.980 feel very safe. I'm scared. I don't know why 00:49:01.980 --> 00:49:04.460 I'm scared, but I'm scared. Because something's 00:49:04.460 --> 00:49:09.139 going on. Mom's worried. Mom and dad are worried. 00:49:09.300 --> 00:49:14.190 I can tell something is going on here. Your family 00:49:14.190 --> 00:49:17.469 should be a safe place Well, that doesn't mean 00:49:17.469 --> 00:49:19.329 there aren't troubles and your kids know about 00:49:19.329 --> 00:49:22.469 those things, but they should know Yeah, I've 00:49:22.469 --> 00:49:25.670 got some stuff on my plate But everything's fine 00:49:25.670 --> 00:49:27.590 and you certainly don't need to be concerned 00:49:27.590 --> 00:49:30.190 about it. The Lord is in control The Lord is 00:49:30.190 --> 00:49:33.070 going to care for us. I'm dealing with some stuff 00:49:33.070 --> 00:49:36.289 and it's fine though You certainly don't need 00:49:36.289 --> 00:49:39.349 to worry you used to have no reason to fear They 00:49:39.349 --> 00:49:42.269 need to be safe. They need to be learning that 00:49:42.199 --> 00:49:45.480 that they can trust God just like you're trusting 00:49:45.480 --> 00:49:49.239 God. Even before they're Christians, that they 00:49:49.239 --> 00:49:54.260 can look to God in that way. So make sure that 00:49:54.260 --> 00:49:57.940 you are not leading and being an example of anxiety 00:49:57.940 --> 00:50:02.719 and fear in your family. Because instead of dealing 00:50:02.719 --> 00:50:05.280 with emotions, you're causing. You're the cause 00:50:05.280 --> 00:50:10.219 of emotion in a negative way. So all of those 00:50:10.219 --> 00:50:13.750 emotions... Anger, frustration, depression, discouragement, 00:50:14.090 --> 00:50:18.889 fear, worry, anxiety. Teaching our children to 00:50:18.889 --> 00:50:21.929 overcome all of those things in a healthy, good, 00:50:22.050 --> 00:50:28.170 biblical way. The last thing I have on here is 00:50:28.170 --> 00:50:32.150 just socially. Again, it's not enough that they're 00:50:32.150 --> 00:50:35.230 just clean and they're Christians. They've got 00:50:35.230 --> 00:50:38.690 to live in society. You've got to teach them 00:50:38.690 --> 00:50:42.199 how to live in society. to that they would be 00:50:42.199 --> 00:50:48.920 mature, that they would grow up. How to communicate 00:50:48.920 --> 00:50:54.159 with people. You can talk when an adult says, 00:50:54.320 --> 00:50:57.860 how are you today? You can respond. You don't 00:50:57.860 --> 00:51:00.679 have to just shrink away and be like, oh my word, 00:51:00.820 --> 00:51:04.619 somebody just talked. And I'm not sure, right? 00:51:04.679 --> 00:51:08.539 We teach them. Say, I'm doing okay. How are you? 00:51:08.860 --> 00:51:17.480 Whatever, right? Teaching communication. Manners. 00:51:19.659 --> 00:51:22.199 It's not okay that your kids have zero manners 00:51:22.199 --> 00:51:28.500 in society. That's not an okay thing. They don't 00:51:28.500 --> 00:51:30.460 know how to sit at the table and have a meal 00:51:30.460 --> 00:51:33.860 with somebody. How to hold their fork correctly. 00:51:35.019 --> 00:51:39.139 How to not eat with their fingers. We kind of 00:51:39.139 --> 00:51:40.579 laugh about some of these things, but they're 00:51:40.579 --> 00:51:44.000 out there and You're sitting there at dinner, 00:51:44.000 --> 00:51:47.659 and you're like Who is this person that's sitting 00:51:47.659 --> 00:51:52.019 at my table eating like a wild animal? That's 00:51:52.019 --> 00:51:57.980 not okay teach your children manners Again, it's 00:51:57.980 --> 00:52:01.059 not like we've got to be you know sitting at 00:52:01.059 --> 00:52:03.699 the Queen's table, and we've got our little teacup 00:52:03.699 --> 00:52:09.300 and Just normal everyday life, chewing with your 00:52:09.300 --> 00:52:12.980 mouth closed, please pass this, not reaching 00:52:12.980 --> 00:52:17.219 across, just the normal stuff, the normal things. 00:52:17.760 --> 00:52:21.760 So that when they go somewhere, they fit in. 00:52:21.940 --> 00:52:23.860 Again, we're not trying to fit in with the world, 00:52:23.980 --> 00:52:27.059 but we are, we don't want to be outcasts either, 00:52:27.159 --> 00:52:31.139 right? The Bible talks about the normal things 00:52:31.139 --> 00:52:34.659 in society, that those things are fine. We shouldn't 00:52:34.659 --> 00:52:40.000 be outcasts for being weird. in a non -Christian 00:52:40.000 --> 00:52:47.980 way. So, social skills. Self -awareness. That's 00:52:47.980 --> 00:52:50.940 big. Are you aware that you are not the only 00:52:50.940 --> 00:52:54.059 one in the room? Are you aware of what you're 00:52:54.059 --> 00:52:56.739 looking like? How you're holding yourself? How 00:52:56.739 --> 00:52:59.719 you're conducting yourself? Being self -aware. 00:53:01.500 --> 00:53:03.500 Or are you just oblivious to everything around 00:53:03.500 --> 00:53:07.320 you? You've got to be aware of your surroundings. 00:53:08.199 --> 00:53:11.460 You've got to know that every situation is different. 00:53:11.960 --> 00:53:14.280 So you don't act the same at a funeral as you 00:53:14.280 --> 00:53:22.920 act at a playground. People don't know that. 00:53:24.039 --> 00:53:27.179 We think that's just common sense, but that's 00:53:27.179 --> 00:53:31.360 lacking. We don't run around like crazy kids 00:53:31.360 --> 00:53:33.800 at the funeral. We do run around like crazy kids 00:53:33.800 --> 00:53:38.099 at the playground. It's a good thing, too. Different 00:53:38.099 --> 00:53:41.719 situations, different expectations, a different 00:53:41.719 --> 00:53:45.860 set of manners, so to speak. All of those things 00:53:45.860 --> 00:53:50.000 are part of being a godly father and raising 00:53:50.000 --> 00:53:53.460 your children in a good, proper way that is pleasing 00:53:53.460 --> 00:53:58.460 to the Lord. Discipline and nurture in all of 00:53:58.460 --> 00:54:26.530 these ways. In all of these things, the Lord 00:54:26.530 --> 00:54:29.590 has given us instruction. These are not just 00:54:29.590 --> 00:54:33.030 random thoughts that I've had. There are scriptures 00:54:33.030 --> 00:54:37.550 all over the place about how we are to grow and 00:54:37.550 --> 00:54:41.150 mature in the Lord, how we are to conduct ourselves. 00:54:42.070 --> 00:54:45.190 As fathers, we need to be intentional in this. 00:54:45.809 --> 00:54:48.949 We need to ask for the Lord's help and direction 00:54:48.949 --> 00:54:53.050 and guidance. We need to ask for help and guidance 00:54:53.050 --> 00:54:56.210 from those who are older than us. We need to 00:54:56.210 --> 00:54:58.510 seek counsel from those who the Lord has put 00:54:58.510 --> 00:55:03.070 in our lives. There is abundant counsel in the 00:55:03.070 --> 00:55:05.869 Word of God and in the church that He has put 00:55:05.869 --> 00:55:11.949 us in. And so take full advantage of that. Seek 00:55:11.949 --> 00:55:17.989 Him. Be intentional. And discipline and train 00:55:17.989 --> 00:55:19.550 your children in all ways.