Now stay tuned for X -1 on NBC. Countdown for
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far horizons of the unknown come transcribed
tales of new dimensions in time and space. These
are stories of the future. Adventures in which
you'll live in a million could be years on a
thousand maybe worlds. The National Broadcasting
Company, in cooperation with Galaxy Science Fiction
Magazine, presents X minus 1. Tonight, Clifford
D. Simak's story of the 21st century, How To.
Build your own three -dimensional color TV set.
Complete kit, screwdriver assembly in three hours.
Nah, I've done that. Well, let's see. A dog is
man's best friend. Build your own dog. Complete
kit, Spaniel model, only $250. Yeah, hey, that's
it. My next project. Gordon, is that you? Yeah.
Where are you? On the terrace. I'm just finishing
a landscape. Oh, hi. Yeah, Grace, look, did it
come? Don't kiss me. You'll get all full of paint.
I wasn't going to. Where is the package? They
set it against the side of the house. Over there,
see? Oh, it came, huh? I want to look at it.
I would have put it down in the basement, but
I couldn't lift it. Hey, this is pretty heavy
for a Spaniel. I can't lift this myself. I'll
start dinner as soon as I finish this part of
the picture. I want to get the grass while the
light's right. Yes, all right. So no hurry. I
want to examine the kid anyhow. Of course, if
you didn't waste our money on things like dog
kits, maybe we could afford a robot and I wouldn't
have to cook. Yeah, yeah. All right, all right,
all right, all right. There. That should be enough
for now. The light's beginning to get tricky.
Good night. You're not going to open that thing
here on the terrace. Now, you'll make a mess.
I just want to see the parts. You know, this
thing's too big and heavy to be a dog kit. Maybe
it's a Great Dane. No, no, no, it can't be. Look,
here's the shipping tag. From How -To Kits, Inc.
to Gordon Knight. One dog kit, spaniel model,
$250, paid in full. The Great Dane costs $350.
Well, all I can say is that must be the world's
biggest spaniel. Hey, you know, that's darn funny.
I told you, I don't want you fooling around with
it up here. Now take it down in the basement.
Grace, this can't be a dog kit. You know what
I think? It's a robot. A robot? But you didn't
order a robot. Or did you? No, no, certainly
not. They made a shipping error. That's about
the size of it. Ah, doggone it. I'll have to
put this crate back together again and call the
express company. Are you going to return it?
Well, certainly I'm going to return it. You don't
think we can keep it, do you? Well, why not?
The tag says paid in full, so they can't say
we owe them anything. But it's a robot. They're
expensive. Well, I don't see how the company
will ever know. When inventory time comes around,
there'll be short one robot and long one dog.
Of course, I've always wanted to put together
a real robot. Lord knows when I'd get another
chance. Then it's settled. No, no, no, it is
not settled either. I'll tell you what, I'll
put it together just to see what it's like. But
I won't activate it, see? I mean, I'll, you know,
disassemble it right away and ship it back to
the company. Grace, look, look at it. Isn't that
a beauty, though? You finished? Well, all but
the activating. Grace. What? You know, I was
just thinking, how do I know I've got all the
parts adjusted properly? I haven't the remotest
idea. No, you know, I mean, the only sure way
would be to test it. You mean activate? Well,
only for a minute or two, you understand. I mean,
just to be sure. Then what? Well, then I'll disassemble
it naturally. Well, all right. As long as you
don't take too long. No, no, no, no. I'll have
it in a jiffy. Now, here, look. You see, all
I have to do is just put on the activating plate
and turn this lock nut in like so. Now, wait
a minute. Just adjust the automatic current control.
Yeah, there. Now, that should do it. Now, stand
back. Stand back. Now, I'll turn it on. Well,
I hope it works. Oh, it'll work. It'll work.
I followed the directions. To the letter. You
ready? Now. It works! Yeah, I'll have to oil
that joint. Wait. Grace, it's moving its head.
My name is Albert. I am a robot. What is there
to do? Well, it certainly has a nice voice. Now,
now, now, take it easy, Albert. Just sit down
and rest, and we'll have a little talk. There's
no need to rest. I was made to work. Well, as
long as he, it, doesn't need to rest, I can think
of a hundred things for it to do. Now, there's
the house and the garden and the lawn. No, no,
no, look, Grace. I wonder if he could learn to
cook. A robot can be taught to do anything a
person can do. No, no, hold on a minute, Albert,
please, and listen to me. We can't keep you,
you understand. I mean, you were sent here by
mistake. But, I mean, as long as you're activated,
there wouldn't be any harm. Letting you do a
few things. I can do anything. Good. The whole
house needs a thorough cleaning. Grace. Then,
of course, I'd like some new drapes for the study.
No, no. And the kitchen hasn't been painted for
four years. Then there's that leaky faucet. Oh,
Lord. What's the matter? Attachments. There aren't
any. He can't do all that stuff without attachments.
They cost almost as much as the robot itself.
Don't worry about attachments. Just tell me what's
to be done. Well, you heard my wife. What about
your grounds? Oh, I got a hundred beat -up acres
that need attention, but... Of course, I realize
that that's too much work, huh? Don't worry about
a thing. I can fix it for you. I will make the
necessary equipment. Make your own attachment?
Don't worry about a thing. Yeah, but how? Oh,
for heaven's sake, stop arguing with him and
let him get to work. I'm not arguing. Morning,
Gordon. Your coffee's ready. How'd you sleep,
dear? Oh, not so good. Kept hearing noises all
night. Oh, that was Albert working in the basement.
Albert? Hey, gosh, that's right. I forgot robots
don't sleep. He was working all night. When I
came into the kitchen just now, I found the breakfast
all prepared. He can cook. Isn't that wonderful?
Yeah. What's he doing now? Oh, I don't know.
Making something, I think. Oh, Gordon, he's going
to be such a tremendous help to me. I'll be able
to spend more time than ever with my painting.
Now, wait a minute. What makes you think we can
keep him? I mean, no, no, Grace. I mean, we could
get into trouble. I don't see how. I'll tell
you what. Why don't you walk over and call on
Anson Lee? He could advise you. What does he
know about it? He's a lawyer. Well, technically,
he's a lawyer. I mean, he never seems to work
at it anymore. Well, you have to understand,
Anson, that's all. Look, I understand him all
right. He's a reactionary, a throwback to the
20th century. Spends all his time lying in a
hammock, drinking and reading Proust. Well, it's
what he enjoys doing. I'll bet that guy never
assembled a kit in his life. Can you imagine
that? Well, we all have our peculiarities. Just
the same, he could give you legal advice. Well,
all right, all right. I'll go over after breakfast.
If it'll make you feel any happier, pass the
cream. I'll have a drink, Knight. Hard cider.
Made it myself. Thought you didn't go in for
home projects, Lee. Oh, I don't. Making this
cider was the first honest work I've done in
years. I don't doubt it. Every time I get a yin
to work, I look across at your place and I decide
against it. How many rooms have you added to
that house since you got it built? Eight. Good
Lord. Eight rooms. No, no, no. It's not hard
once you get the next. Kind of fun. You just
buy a how -to kit. Sure, I know. Just follow
directions. That's right. Anybody can build a
robot on a kitchen table. Well, no thanks. Why
do you say that? What? What do you mean about
building a robot? Oh, I don't know. I suppose
I expect you to start building one any time now.
You've done everything else. What's got into
people these days and nights? They just aren't
equipped to enjoy their leisure. That is, most
of them aren't. Me? I am. I read, and I lie in
a hammock, and now and again I even think. Yeah.
Yes, I guess that makes me an eccentric. Here,
have another drink. Oh, no, no, no, no, thanks.
I'll have to get back to my place. Albert, Albert!
You call me, sir? Yes, Albert, listen to me.
I, um... Albert, I have reached a decision about
you. But I'm not Albert, sir. I... Huh? You would
hardly expect Albert to be clipping hedges. Well,
if you're not Albert, who are you? Abe. Albert
is down in the basement. Well, what are you doing
here? Where did you come from? If you wish to
talk to me, you will have to move along the hedge
with me. Oh. I cannot stop working. Oh, okay,
okay. Move along. But where did you come from?
Albert made me. Albert made you? And now he's
down in the basement working on Alfred. Alfred?
Another robot? Certainly. That is what Albert
is for. He makes robots. Oh, no. Albert! Oh,
there you are. Albert, what's going on here?
I'm reproducing. What? I have a built -in mother
urge. I don't know why they named me Albert.
I should have had a female name. Oh, but you
shouldn't be able to make robots. Look, boss,
you worry a lot. You want robots, don't you?
Well, yeah, I guess everybody could use a robot.
I make robots. I'm making all you need. Albert,
Albert, put down that head and listen to me.
I want to have a serious talk. Sure, boss. What's
on your mind? Now, Albert, I just looked through
your packing case and I found this tag. Look,
it says X -190. X. Albert, don't you understand?
That means you're an experimental model. That's
correct. You were never meant to be sold. That
is also correct. I know. Don't you see? That
means trouble. I can't keep you. I've already
taken care of that. How do you mean? I filed
off my serial number and replated the surface.
Why did you do that? So that they can't come
around and take me back. They made me, and then
they got scared and shut me off. But you're not
afraid of me. I'm not. You assembled me and let
me go to work. I'm sticking with you, boss. Wait
a minute. This could mean a lot of trouble for
me, Albert. No trouble. They can't prove a thing.
I'll swear that you made me. I'll not let them
take me back. They will take no chances next
time. They'll break me up for scrap. Oh, but
look, if you make too many robots... Robots are
useful. You need a lot of them in this place.
Now, don't worry, boss. Everything will work
out. Well... I'll take good care of you. Yeah.
Now, I must go back to work. Adelbert is nearly
finished. Mr. Knight, I'm from the county tax
office. Tax assessor. Oh, I didn't know you fellas
came around more than once a year. Ordinarily,
we don't. This is a special case. Oh? Made a
lot of improvements in the place the past few
days. Landscaping, painting, building. Well?
Afraid I'll have to boost your assessment some.
I see. Heard about those robots of yours, too.
Uh, robots? Personal property, you know. Have
to pay a tax on them. Just, uh, how many have
you got? Oh, one or two. I've been counting.
They move around so fast I can't be sure, but
I estimate the number at 38. Is that right? If
you say so. 38 it is, Ben. They cost 10 ,000
apiece. I'll assess them at five. That's, let's
see, that's $190 ,000. Oh, no, hey, that's pretty
steep. But I'm going easy on you. By rights,
I should only allow you a third for depreciation.
Well, that's it, Mr. Knight. $190 ,000. Wait.
We'll send you the bill with your quarterly statement.
But... Good day. Good day. Albert, look, I've
been holding off until we got the new landscaping
job under control, but I can't hold off any longer,
any longer. I mean, we got to start selling some
of the robots. Selling? Yeah, 20 of them. That
should do for a start. The tax assessor was here.
I need the cash. You can't sell the robots, boss.
Why can't I? Because they're my family, my boys.
Named after me, all of them. Albert, I'm sorry,
but that's ridiculous. They're all I've got,
boss. You wouldn't sell your own children, would
you? Well... All their names start with A. Just
like mine. Abe, Adelbert, Alfred, Adam, Aaron,
Anton, Axel. All right, all right, all right.
Don't go through the whole roll call. I mean,
the point is I need the money. Don't you worry,
boss. I'll fix everything. You have nothing to
worry about. The point is, Mr. Knight, the Internal
Revenue Department is always interested when
a citizen shows a substantial capital gain during
the year. Capital gain? I haven't made any capital
gain. Oh, come, come, sir. I'm talking about
the matter of some 52 robots. And as I understand
it, their retail value... It's $10 ,000 each.
So they say. 52 times 10 ,000 is $520 ,000. On
capital gains, you pay 50 % or $260 ,000. A tax
roughly of $130 ,000. When? What do I do? By
the 15th of next month, you must file a declaration
of estimated income. You pay half of the due
tax at that time and the balance in monthly installments.
And there's one other matter. One other matter?
We investigated. We found you make $10 ,000 a
year. Would you tell me, out of personal curiosity,
you understand, just how a man of your particular
means could show a capital gain of a half a million
dollars in so short a time? I'm beginning to
wonder myself. Well, our only concern is you
pay your tax. However, some other branch of the
federal government might very well want to ask
some questions sometime. Oh? If I were you, Mr.
Knight, I would be ready with some answers. Yeah.
Good day. Good day. Albert, now look, I tell
you, this is a crisis. Do you understand? Like
it or not, I have got to sell some of your boys,
a whole bunch of them. Boss, I told you not to
worry. Not to worry. Listen, I just came from
the income tax people. I owe the government a
cool 130 grand, and those boys don't fool around.
I'm desperate. Money is no trouble, boss. Come
here. Come where? Over here. Look at this. What's
this? What, those bales? What have they got?
Don't tell me. Full of money, boss. Help yourself.
You mean the actual real money in those bales?
Not stage money now. Real money, boss. No ones,
of course, but lots of tens and twenties. Yeah.
That bale over there is full of fifties. Full
of fifties. We didn't fool around with the ones.
Albert, look me in the eye. Did you make that
money? You said you needed it. We took some bills
and analyzed the ink. Found out how to weave
the paper and made plates. I hate to sound immodest,
boss, but they're beautiful. Oh, my gosh, I'm
a counterfeiter, too. We just ran off as much
as we thought you'd need. Yeah. If it's not enough,
we'll make some more. It's enough, not another
dollar. Well, you're the boss. Albert, listen
to me. There are laws in this country. I mean,
you just can't go out and print money. That's
a crime, don't you understand? Now, look, you
take it all outside and burn it right up. You
understand? And don't print any more. That is
an order. Gordon, are you down here? I'm busy.
I hate to disturb you, dear, but I thought you
ought to know about the sheriff. I don't want
to know... The sheriff? He was here with a subpoena,
or whatever you call them. That's what you call
them. Seems the how -to company's going to sue
us. Oh, no. Oh, no, all right, that does it,
that does it. Gordon, where are you going? To
see my lawyer. Well, offhand, old man, I'd say
you were in quite a jam. I didn't have to walk
all the way over here to find that out. The point
is, Lee, what in the name of heaven can I do?
Well, first, you'll have to file a declaration
of estimated income. Even if I can't pay? Especially
if you can't pay. Technically, then, you haven't
violated the law, and all they can do is to try
to collect what you owe. They'll probably slap
an attachment on your bank account. What bank
account? I'm broke. Oh. Well, then I'd say your
major worry is the how -to company suit. Now,
if I were you, I'd settle it out of court. Out
of court? Mm -hmm. They might call off the action
if you returned all the robots. Albert says he'll
testify that I made him. Well, Albert can't testify.
As a robot, he has no standing in court. Oh,
you better give them back and get what terms
you can. No, no, no, no. I won't do it. Huh?
I won't. Don't you see? They don't want Albert
back because they can use him. They want to break
him up to... maintain their robot prices, don't
you see? It might be a thousand years before
his principle is rediscovered, if it ever is.
Would that be bad? I don't know. Only time will
tell that, but, I mean, you could say the same
thing about any great invention. Look, no, I
will not let them destroy Albert. Yes, I see
your point, Knight. And I like it. You like it?
Uh -huh. I'll take the case. Now, of course,
I ought to warn you, I'm not a very good lawyer.
I know. I don't work hard enough at it. But I
do have a chance, huh? In all my practice at
law night, I never saw a man who'd gotten himself
as fouled up as this. I'd say your chances are
nil. Boss? It's Albert. Boss, I heard about the
suit. Yeah, it's all right, Albert. Mr. Lee here
is going to handle our case. We robots want to
help. I'm afraid there's not much you can do.
Oh, yes, there is. I'm building a lawyer robot.
He's building a lawyer robot? With far greater
memory capacity than any human. and with brain
computers that operate on logic. That's what
law is based on, isn't it? Logic. Well, so I've
heard. But it won't work, Albert. To practice
law, you must be admitted to the bar. To be admitted
to the bar, you must have a degree in law and
pass an examination. And although there's never
been an occasion to establish a precedent, I
suspect the applicant must be human. Lee, wait
a minute. What about law clerks? I mean, they
don't have to be human. Well, I'd say that was
completely true. Yeah, then Albert's robots can
be clerks. Well, could be. See what I mean? Yes.
It's never been done, but there's nothing in
the law that says it can't be done. Then it's
settled. I'll make a dozen to start. Each one
will be an expert in one phase of the law. Boss,
you're going to have the most powerful battery
of legal talent ever assembled under one roof.
Quiet in the court. Mr. Lee, what is the meaning
of this outrage? What outrage, Your Honor? Those
robots sitting at the defense table. These, Your
Honor, are my valued assistants. Robots? Yes,
Your Honor. Take them away. They have no standing
in this court. If Your Honor will excuse me,
they need no standing. I am the sole representative
of the defendants. My client is a poor man, and
he is opposed by the most formidable array of
legal talent money can buy. Now, surely the court
will not deny him whatever assistance he's been
able to muster? This, sir, is highly irregular.
If it please your honor, I should like to point
out that we live in a mechanized age. The court
clerk uses a machine to take down the transcript
of these very proceedings. To my certain knowledge,
no court has ever challenged the presence of
such a device as an aid to the furtherance of
justice. Now, if your honor can point out anything
in the law specifically barring these robots
from the court... That's ridiculous, sir. Of
course there is no such provision. At no time
anywhere did anyone dream such a contingency
would arise. In that case, sir, I ask the court
for a favorable ruling. Mr. Lee, as you point
out, there is no precedent for my ruling in any
way but in your favor. Therefore, sir, with reluctance,
I do so at this time. And what kind of a day
has it been? It's a day in which a new kind of
trial has suddenly captured the imagination of
the public. A trial in which a man accused of
misappropriating a robot has brought into court
a whole battery of robots to aid in his defense.
To give validity to their argument, Your Honor,
it must first be proved that these robots are,
in fact, the property of the plaintiff. That
is the issue at trial in this case. So in the
now famous robot case, the issue has come down
to this. Was the robot stolen or was he liberated?
It is a far -reaching question indeed. Your Honor,
I have already established that robots are possessed
of free will, that they have the power of reasoning,
and that they can most certainly reproduce. As
to my worthy opponent's fourth contention, that
they have no spiritual sense. I contend that
this is irrelevant. There are agnostics and atheists
in the human race, and in general, no one has
denied them their full rights on this count.
And so the trial has at last come to its end.
The whole nation, indeed the whole world, awaits
the momentous decision which must be handed down.
In Washington, D .C., Treasury officials have
been meeting steadily for a week to find some
way to avoid the loss of the enormous taxes on
robots. in the event the decision rendered is
in favor of the defense. One high government
official has said that if robots are declared
free and equal, it means they must be given full
citizen rights under the Constitution. Already,
the chairman of both major political parties
are mapping campaigns to corner the robot vote.
Welcome home, darling. Yeah, yeah. Thank you,
but what's going on here, Grace? I have more
trouble getting into my own home than into the
Pentagon. Oh, you mean the robots? They've set
up a defense perimeter. A defense perimeter?
Uh -huh. Albert. Hello, boss. Welcome home. Albert,
what is the meaning of all the barbed wire and
the rocket launchers? Just precautions, boss.
We're ready for any situation. Such as? Oh, like
a mob deciding to take justice into its own hands,
for instance. Or if the decision goes against
us? That too, boss. Dear, you two go on and talk.
I've really got to get back to my painting. I
have a beautiful still life, and I've simply
got to finish. Yeah, yeah, finish. Albert, listen.
You can't fight the whole world. We won't go
back. How two kits incorporated will never lay
a hand on me or any of my children. Albert, this
is madness, don't you understand? They'd get
you with one bomb, and me too. Better to die
fighting, boss, than to live in chains. I don't
know. That's our motto. No matter what happens.
We are ready for the decision. The court is ready
to render its decision. It is the most difficult
decision I have ever made, for in following the
letter of the law, I fear I may be subverting
its spirit. After long days of earnest consideration
of both the law and the evidence as presented
in this court, I find for the defendant. Gordon
Knight. I cannot rule otherwise. May I add that
this ruling, in spite of the fact that I myself
made it, outrages my social conscience. You did
it, boss. You did it. We're free. Yes, Albert.
We sure did it. Where's my wife? In the studio
painting. Not another landscape. Her fifth this
week. She's doing very well. Yes, isn't she?
And I am working on a new robot for her. A painter.
Soon she won't have to bother doing it herself.
That's nice. And you won't have to do anything
anymore either, boss. Oh? Not a thing. Oh? We're
going to take care of you from here on out. Thanks.
Did I tell you about my new children yet? No,
I don't think so. Alice, Angeline, Agnes, Agatha,
Alberta, and Abigail. Daughters? Six of them,
boss. And all with a built -in reproducing instinct
just like mine. Oh, no. They're down in the basement
now, turning out robots. Great. We've got everything
worked out for you, boss. You won't have to worry
about a thing for the rest of your life. No,
Albert. Not a thing. You have just heard X -1
presented by the National Broadcasting Company
in cooperation with Galaxy Science Fiction Magazine,
which this month features Name Your Symptom by
Jim Harmon, a story of a future in which anyone
who shunned a cure needed to have his head examined,
assuming he still had one left. Galaxy Magazine
on your newsstand today. Tonight by transcription,
X -1 has brought you How To. A story from the
pages of Galaxy written by Clifford D. Simak
and adapted for radio by William Welch. Featured
in the cast were Alan Bunce, Anne Seymour, Les
Damon, Joseph Bell, James Monks, William Key,
Lawson Zerbe, Santos Ortega, and Ben Grauer.
Your announcer, Fred Collins. X -1 was directed
by Daniel Sutter and is an NBC Radio Network
production. Hear Politics and Primaries, Dateline,
Illinois and Wisconsin, tonight on NBC Radio.