WEBVTT 00:00:15.279 --> 00:00:19.739 It's our privilege. And I didn't dare come back 00:00:19.739 --> 00:00:27.980 without bringing Gordon. Thank you. Thank you 00:00:27.980 --> 00:00:32.640 so much. Do be seated. I'm going to maybe just 00:00:32.640 --> 00:00:34.539 do ten minutes. I'm going to actually let Gordon 00:00:34.539 --> 00:00:36.899 take the lion's share this morning because you're 00:00:36.899 --> 00:00:39.520 far more interested in hearing from him because 00:00:39.520 --> 00:00:42.880 you've heard me many, many times. But I just 00:00:42.880 --> 00:00:45.530 feel that I wanted to just... give a context 00:00:45.530 --> 00:00:49.490 a little bit about why marriage matters and how 00:00:49.490 --> 00:00:53.009 it's so important we stake this ground and stake 00:00:53.009 --> 00:00:57.270 it aggressively but make it look positive because 00:00:57.270 --> 00:01:00.990 there is such an onslaught out there and there's 00:01:00.990 --> 00:01:04.810 such a negative vibe from media, from TV, you 00:01:04.810 --> 00:01:08.430 know all the soaps all say that actually the 00:01:08.430 --> 00:01:12.650 adulterous relationships, the ones where you're 00:01:12.650 --> 00:01:15.489 sort of getting attracted and where you walk 00:01:15.489 --> 00:01:17.909 down the road and notice that that guy's real 00:01:17.909 --> 00:01:20.689 fit and that girl's real cute is much more interesting 00:01:20.689 --> 00:01:23.849 than one that you got at home. And there's the 00:01:23.849 --> 00:01:26.689 whole of life, you know, your women's mags and 00:01:26.689 --> 00:01:29.909 everything are all saying, well get a kick, you 00:01:29.909 --> 00:01:33.269 know, switch something on and they never go have 00:01:33.269 --> 00:01:37.239 a good marriage. And so, actually, the church 00:01:37.239 --> 00:01:40.680 has got a massive media campaign, if you like, 00:01:41.079 --> 00:01:43.540 to show the opposite way. And we've got to do 00:01:43.540 --> 00:01:46.120 it for the sake of our kids and the next generation. 00:01:46.400 --> 00:01:48.780 We've got to begin to model something. And it's 00:01:48.780 --> 00:01:51.019 not enough just to do it at home. It's got to 00:01:51.019 --> 00:01:53.640 be seen. How many agree with me? And of course, 00:01:53.640 --> 00:01:55.900 it starts at the home, because everything spiritual 00:01:55.900 --> 00:01:58.840 starts on the inside and works out. But it's 00:01:58.840 --> 00:02:01.620 about time we let it out. We've got to let a 00:02:01.620 --> 00:02:03.939 shout out that marriage is great, that there's 00:02:03.939 --> 00:02:06.519 a whole generation of kids even before they're 00:02:06.519 --> 00:02:09.039 married want to be married and they go in the 00:02:09.039 --> 00:02:11.680 opposite flow to their kids at high school etc 00:02:11.680 --> 00:02:14.120 because they've got a passion for something because 00:02:14.120 --> 00:02:17.120 they've understood the rudiments of it and so 00:02:17.120 --> 00:02:21.379 I just want to start with this scripture in Proverbs 00:02:21.379 --> 00:02:26.460 4 verse 18 Proverbs 4 verse 18 and almost picking 00:02:26.460 --> 00:02:29.020 up from the ladies conference just to put a link 00:02:29.020 --> 00:02:31.460 and we've been talking about the pursuit of his 00:02:31.460 --> 00:02:36.110 presence and finding that way that journey which 00:02:36.110 --> 00:02:40.389 brings life to us. And here, Romans four, Romans, 00:02:40.689 --> 00:02:43.930 Proverbs four, verse 18, Proverbs four, verse 00:02:43.930 --> 00:02:47.729 18. The path of the righteous is like the first 00:02:47.729 --> 00:02:50.250 gleam of the dawn. If I can just have more monitors 00:02:50.250 --> 00:02:52.650 here, I really like sound in me, I'm sorry, because 00:02:52.650 --> 00:02:56.469 I otherwise lose my voice. The path of the righteous 00:02:56.469 --> 00:03:00.229 is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever 00:03:00.229 --> 00:03:03.889 brighter to the full light of day. But the way 00:03:03.889 --> 00:03:07.250 of the wicked is like deep darkness. They do 00:03:07.250 --> 00:03:10.830 not know what makes them stumble. And I think 00:03:10.830 --> 00:03:13.849 this could be such a good illustration of marriage. 00:03:15.349 --> 00:03:18.490 You know, the path of a righteous marriage, that 00:03:18.490 --> 00:03:21.289 right -standing marriage that has found its alignment 00:03:21.289 --> 00:03:24.349 in the presence of God, is like that first gleam 00:03:24.349 --> 00:03:28.530 of the dawn. How many of you love sunrise? Well, 00:03:28.530 --> 00:03:34.990 I prefer sunset. But there's that first gleam 00:03:34.990 --> 00:03:38.610 of dawn With the expectation is going to get 00:03:38.610 --> 00:03:42.550 brighter and it's so interesting in today's Sort 00:03:42.550 --> 00:03:45.550 of campaign is the expectation with it the year 00:03:45.550 --> 00:03:48.270 honeymoons your best bit and then it goes downhill 00:03:48.270 --> 00:03:52.990 from there but actually the path of the righteous 00:03:52.990 --> 00:03:57.090 is only the first gleam and They gets brighter 00:03:57.090 --> 00:04:00.090 and brighter to the full noonday sun, but the 00:04:00.090 --> 00:04:03.479 wicked They live in darkness. They don't even 00:04:03.479 --> 00:04:06.080 know what's tripping them up and how true that 00:04:06.080 --> 00:04:08.780 is and so it's time that we begin to educate 00:04:08.780 --> 00:04:12.460 ourselves and I just wanted to start with this 00:04:12.699 --> 00:04:16.399 maybe big overview of what's going on and what's 00:04:16.399 --> 00:04:19.740 hitting us. And we need to be aware and intelligent 00:04:19.740 --> 00:04:22.540 and informed. In Britain, I just want to share 00:04:22.540 --> 00:04:24.360 this with you. This is what's happening in our 00:04:24.360 --> 00:04:27.139 legislature. And it's just gone through our government. 00:04:27.220 --> 00:04:30.019 This is Gordon Brown and Tony Blair, which many 00:04:30.019 --> 00:04:32.079 Americans I know believe are good Christians. 00:04:32.120 --> 00:04:35.019 I just want to say they have done more to undermine 00:04:35.019 --> 00:04:38.199 our moral and ethical fiber of British society 00:04:38.199 --> 00:04:41.699 than many prime ministers in the last years. 00:04:42.120 --> 00:04:45.779 Tony Blair legalized cannabis, he legalized 24 00:04:45.779 --> 00:04:49.620 drinking, he legalized gay marriage, he legalized 00:04:49.620 --> 00:04:53.660 super casinos with the vision of having 12 cities 00:04:53.660 --> 00:04:56.579 in Britain like Las Vegas, and so I could carry 00:04:56.579 --> 00:04:59.500 on. But then Gordon Brown, the next one, has 00:04:59.500 --> 00:05:02.879 just stepped in, and we had an overview of the 00:05:02.879 --> 00:05:08.680 look of our ethical sort of legislation. And 00:05:08.680 --> 00:05:11.180 four laws were passed about a month ago now. 00:05:11.360 --> 00:05:13.800 But I want to just show this to you because... 00:05:13.639 --> 00:05:17.180 The same pressure is coming in the U .S. and 00:05:17.180 --> 00:05:19.740 in Europe. And this is going to be first world 00:05:19.740 --> 00:05:22.360 culture for 21st century kids and marriages. 00:05:22.819 --> 00:05:25.560 And so something in us has got to rise up. That 00:05:25.560 --> 00:05:27.899 it's not just about modeling our marriage so 00:05:27.899 --> 00:05:30.300 we have a better life. That actually this is 00:05:30.300 --> 00:05:32.980 spiritual warfare to break through and pioneer 00:05:32.980 --> 00:05:35.939 a way. Because we believe in marriage. We believe 00:05:35.939 --> 00:05:39.540 in Adam and Eve. We believe in two women. I mean 00:05:39.540 --> 00:05:41.120 you laugh last year when I said it's Adam and 00:05:41.120 --> 00:05:44.420 Eve, not Adam and Steve. I believe that I'm ready 00:05:44.420 --> 00:05:47.180 to go to jail for that. I don't believe that 00:05:47.180 --> 00:05:49.620 that's wrong. I believe that that's what God 00:05:49.620 --> 00:05:52.399 intended. I do believe that we have an enemy 00:05:52.399 --> 00:05:56.579 that perverts, twists, steals, rob, kills, destroys. 00:05:56.800 --> 00:05:59.779 And I hate the devil and all his works. And I'm 00:05:59.779 --> 00:06:02.500 on a militant campaign to rescue every single 00:06:02.500 --> 00:06:05.060 person that the devil dares to target with his 00:06:05.060 --> 00:06:10.459 filth. I love people, but I hate the devil. Do 00:06:10.459 --> 00:06:12.980 you get what I'm saying? And so, coming back 00:06:12.980 --> 00:06:16.180 to the legislation, this is what was just passed 00:06:16.180 --> 00:06:20.160 in Britain. They looked at four different statutes 00:06:20.160 --> 00:06:24.839 and unfortunately all of them were passed against 00:06:24.839 --> 00:06:29.100 British, against Christian morality. The first 00:06:29.100 --> 00:06:31.139 one was what they called the Embryology Bill. 00:06:31.620 --> 00:06:34.100 This was looking at stem cell research and the 00:06:34.100 --> 00:06:39.199 use of embryological tissue from embryo stem 00:06:39.199 --> 00:06:43.540 cells. They then developed that further. I know 00:06:43.540 --> 00:06:46.220 US has done something, but Britain now has the 00:06:46.220 --> 00:06:49.040 most liberal legislation and embryology laws 00:06:49.040 --> 00:06:53.879 in the world. And what they then developed is 00:06:53.879 --> 00:06:59.100 and passed the law despite thousands and thousands 00:06:59.100 --> 00:07:02.699 of signatures against it. The MPs just wrote 00:07:02.699 --> 00:07:04.439 that these condescending letters saying we're 00:07:04.439 --> 00:07:07.009 going to do it anyway. This is now It's absolutely 00:07:07.009 --> 00:07:10.490 legal in Britain to take human embryological 00:07:10.490 --> 00:07:15.209 tissue, mix it with animal tissue, and begin 00:07:15.209 --> 00:07:20.370 to produce mutant monsters and grow them in laboratories 00:07:20.370 --> 00:07:26.810 until 14 days old. With a clause to extend that 00:07:26.810 --> 00:07:29.290 14 days if necessary. Can you see what we're 00:07:29.290 --> 00:07:32.800 doing? We're gonna grow monsters. Quite literally. 00:07:33.259 --> 00:07:35.540 Now, this is where America has some responsibility 00:07:35.540 --> 00:07:40.579 because the biotechnic sort of advance is still 00:07:40.579 --> 00:07:44.540 fairly contained legislatively in the US. The 00:07:44.540 --> 00:07:47.300 US pharmaceuticals are moving all their bases 00:07:47.300 --> 00:07:50.620 to Britain and they are funding this. You are 00:07:50.620 --> 00:07:54.560 throwing billions of dollars to now support British 00:07:54.560 --> 00:07:57.779 pharmaceuticals and you're paying for it. I don't 00:07:57.779 --> 00:08:00.439 mean that nastily, but that's the full facts. 00:08:01.519 --> 00:08:04.540 And we are growing. I mean they're just talking 00:08:04.540 --> 00:08:07.360 about, they've taken the heart of a pig, DNA, 00:08:07.660 --> 00:08:09.959 put it with human cells and they're growing this. 00:08:13.480 --> 00:08:15.579 If something in you begins to say, oh God have 00:08:15.579 --> 00:08:19.879 mercy, that was number one. Isn't it terrible? 00:08:20.000 --> 00:08:24.720 Number two. If I can even do it. It just, it 00:08:24.720 --> 00:08:27.779 so devastates me of how we've lost the plot and 00:08:27.779 --> 00:08:30.500 what God gave marriage for or what children and 00:08:30.500 --> 00:08:34.299 babies are about. Number two is the development 00:08:34.299 --> 00:08:38.139 of what has been called savior siblings. Now 00:08:38.139 --> 00:08:41.639 I have great, great compassion for people that 00:08:41.639 --> 00:08:44.740 give birth to a child with a genetic disease. 00:08:45.690 --> 00:08:48.570 And so what they're now developing is in the 00:08:48.570 --> 00:08:51.769 laboratories that they're actually growing babies 00:08:51.769 --> 00:08:56.850 by manipulating DNA. So a father and mother put 00:08:56.850 --> 00:08:59.149 their DNA together. They choose all the different 00:08:59.149 --> 00:09:02.210 combination cells, grow it in the laboratory 00:09:02.210 --> 00:09:06.009 until they can find the most exact DNA that would 00:09:06.009 --> 00:09:08.970 help the genetically deformed kid. And they grow 00:09:08.970 --> 00:09:12.509 that baby to full term. And the baby is then 00:09:12.509 --> 00:09:15.330 put back. into the mother's womb, that baby is 00:09:15.330 --> 00:09:19.129 delivered and then that baby's tissue is used 00:09:19.129 --> 00:09:23.389 to heal the other baby that was born defective. 00:09:25.990 --> 00:09:31.330 That is now legal. Number three, IVF treatment 00:09:31.330 --> 00:09:34.570 which we're all aware of. They have now decided 00:09:34.570 --> 00:09:38.629 that because homosexual and heterosexual relationships 00:09:38.629 --> 00:09:41.190 are no different. Because you see, once you take 00:09:41.190 --> 00:09:44.649 God out, there is no boundaries. So they've now 00:09:44.649 --> 00:09:48.129 said the need for a father is irrelevant. And 00:09:48.129 --> 00:09:51.610 so birth certificates in Britain, where IVF treatments 00:09:51.610 --> 00:09:54.809 used, will no longer have a father stated. And 00:09:54.809 --> 00:09:58.190 so we are literally, we have legalized the fatherless 00:09:58.190 --> 00:10:09.909 generation. Number four. It breaks my heart. 00:10:12.190 --> 00:10:15.629 Number four. We looked at abortion again. In 00:10:15.629 --> 00:10:19.529 Britain, it's still legal to abort up to 24 weeks. 00:10:21.570 --> 00:10:27.500 Um, 20... 1968. was when abortion was first legalized 00:10:27.500 --> 00:10:31.460 in Britain and it was last looked at 23 years 00:10:31.460 --> 00:10:35.379 ago in terms of how it should be contained by 00:10:35.379 --> 00:10:38.320 the British Medical Association. My field, if 00:10:38.320 --> 00:10:40.379 you wonder why I know quite a bit, my background 00:10:40.379 --> 00:10:43.039 is I'm a clinical biochemist. I worked in reproductive 00:10:43.039 --> 00:10:45.620 physiology. So I actually understand quite a 00:10:45.620 --> 00:10:47.500 lot of the background of this and have been on 00:10:47.500 --> 00:10:49.440 the cutting edge and have kept myself familiar 00:10:49.440 --> 00:10:54.440 with it. And so when the weeks of the abortion 00:10:54.779 --> 00:10:59.139 were first chosen 23 years ago. They decided 00:10:59.139 --> 00:11:02.279 24 weeks was reasonable and this was the process 00:11:02.279 --> 00:11:04.360 of thought by the British Medical Association 00:11:04.360 --> 00:11:08.470 then. At that time, to actually evaluate pregnancy 00:11:08.470 --> 00:11:11.789 was very much more of a dubious thing because 00:11:11.789 --> 00:11:14.590 our antibodies, which actually specify you're 00:11:14.590 --> 00:11:18.549 pregnant, were very much more less defined. And 00:11:18.549 --> 00:11:21.389 so we used to take five mils of urine, you know, 00:11:21.389 --> 00:11:23.429 look down the tube, see if it's a blue thing, 00:11:23.490 --> 00:11:26.029 then repeat it in three weeks, and then you definitely 00:11:26.029 --> 00:11:28.809 were confirmed. And usually, as a medical profession, 00:11:28.830 --> 00:11:31.649 we were not really happy to definitely confirm 00:11:31.649 --> 00:11:34.990 pregnancy until 12 weeks. How many of you know 00:11:34.990 --> 00:11:38.029 that week has dropped dramatically? We are now 00:11:38.029 --> 00:11:41.009 very confident as a medical profession to be 00:11:41.009 --> 00:11:43.710 able to say it six weeks whether you're pregnant 00:11:43.710 --> 00:11:47.590 or not because our beta HCG Analysis is so much 00:11:47.590 --> 00:11:50.169 better. So we've dropped that by six weeks. Do 00:11:50.169 --> 00:11:52.830 you get what I'm saying? And so at that time 00:11:52.830 --> 00:11:56.279 12 weeks was after And so they thought, we'll 00:11:56.279 --> 00:12:00.740 give people 12 weeks, three months to make the 00:12:00.740 --> 00:12:04.679 choice, 24 weeks. But now we've dropped by six 00:12:04.679 --> 00:12:06.779 weeks. We can definitely look at a girl and say, 00:12:06.879 --> 00:12:10.460 you are definitely pregnant in six weeks. And 00:12:10.460 --> 00:12:13.320 so we were proposing that we drop 24 weeks to 00:12:13.320 --> 00:12:16.820 20 weeks, and some are pushing for 18. Across 00:12:16.820 --> 00:12:20.080 Europe, Britain is number one at 24. There is 00:12:20.080 --> 00:12:23.820 one other nation. that has 18, four nations that 00:12:23.820 --> 00:12:28.100 have 16 and the rest are at 14. So we're already 00:12:28.100 --> 00:12:33.539 sky high anyway. The pressure to get those weeks 00:12:33.539 --> 00:12:38.080 dropped was huge. Many, you know, not religious 00:12:38.080 --> 00:12:41.279 background people stood and testified to the 00:12:41.279 --> 00:12:45.379 government. There was one nurse who just testified 00:12:45.379 --> 00:12:47.419 on half of the British Medical Association who 00:12:47.419 --> 00:12:52.210 said that she had stirred. after an abortion 00:12:52.210 --> 00:12:54.210 because the terrible thing is you've got people 00:12:54.210 --> 00:12:58.269 miscarrying and people aborting and now our ICU 00:12:58.269 --> 00:13:01.710 neonatal clinics are able to help people of 24 00:13:01.710 --> 00:13:04.769 weeks and so you've got medical doctors with 00:13:04.769 --> 00:13:07.870 a baby of 24 weeks giving everything to keep 00:13:07.870 --> 00:13:11.889 him alive and then you've got others saying we'll 00:13:11.889 --> 00:13:14.049 kill him so this dear nurse is standing there 00:13:14.240 --> 00:13:16.980 An abortion delivery at 24 weeks is delivered. 00:13:17.100 --> 00:13:20.279 It's a baby boy. It's delivered into a cardboard, 00:13:20.279 --> 00:13:24.559 you know, kidney sort of tray thing. And the 00:13:24.559 --> 00:13:27.480 baby's breathing. She's told, well, it's just 00:13:27.480 --> 00:13:31.139 human waste. Put it down the chute. Just like 00:13:31.139 --> 00:13:32.940 when you do surgery, you know, heart, et cetera. 00:13:33.080 --> 00:13:35.740 It happens in America. This is exactly what happens 00:13:35.740 --> 00:13:40.059 in America. And it's considered human waste because 00:13:40.059 --> 00:13:44.200 it's not a baby. And so this little baby's there, 00:13:44.299 --> 00:13:47.960 it lives for seven hours, breathing. She's absolutely 00:13:47.960 --> 00:13:49.980 devastated, there's all the medical thing and 00:13:49.980 --> 00:13:51.620 screaming at her, just stick it down the chute, 00:13:51.679 --> 00:13:53.759 stick it down the chute. And she said, in the 00:13:53.759 --> 00:13:55.940 end she did. And she said, I know I committed 00:13:55.940 --> 00:14:02.179 murder that day. So that went to government, 00:14:02.360 --> 00:14:05.700 a huge thing. We kept it exactly the same, we 00:14:05.700 --> 00:14:08.779 didn't even know the abortion rate by one day. 00:14:10.019 --> 00:14:15.639 Despite literally... And maybe this is quite 00:14:15.639 --> 00:14:18.279 a weird way to start an ill marriage. But you 00:14:18.279 --> 00:14:21.480 see, what I'm trying to say is somebody's got 00:14:21.480 --> 00:14:25.039 to cry out. There's got to come an outcry we've 00:14:25.039 --> 00:14:28.080 got to understand that what we're fighting in 00:14:28.080 --> 00:14:30.919 the whole marriage thing of a man and a woman 00:14:30.919 --> 00:14:34.100 coming together for the procreation of precious 00:14:34.100 --> 00:14:37.480 children to pass on from generation to generation 00:14:37.480 --> 00:14:40.659 to generation is something so close to the heart 00:14:40.659 --> 00:14:43.299 of God and something that the devil hates with 00:14:43.299 --> 00:14:46.620 such a passion we have no understanding how much 00:14:46.620 --> 00:14:49.039 he hates it and so we've got to come together 00:14:49.039 --> 00:14:52.720 in these days and in these times to battle scrap 00:14:52.720 --> 00:14:57.570 because this is the time of marriage. This is 00:14:57.570 --> 00:15:00.690 the time to come together to fight the filthy 00:15:00.690 --> 00:15:04.190 devil and all his works every spirit of depression 00:15:04.190 --> 00:15:07.710 every spirit of oppression Against that marriage 00:15:07.710 --> 00:15:10.629 and begin to stand up as men and women in this 00:15:10.629 --> 00:15:14.669 day without shame and without blame For what 00:15:14.669 --> 00:15:17.870 has been done and if you have been through those 00:15:17.870 --> 00:15:20.429 difficult things There is power in the blood 00:15:20.429 --> 00:15:24.549 of Jesus to eradicate all our sin. He redeems 00:15:24.549 --> 00:15:28.549 us. He cleans us he He gives us our head up and 00:15:28.549 --> 00:15:31.590 our shoulders back, and then He gives us purpose. 00:15:31.909 --> 00:15:34.649 And I tell you, in fact, those that have gone 00:15:34.649 --> 00:15:37.090 through some of the mess of those times, they 00:15:37.090 --> 00:15:39.669 are the ones who need to have the outcry from 00:15:39.669 --> 00:15:43.690 the inside out and begin to speak out to a fatherless, 00:15:43.690 --> 00:15:48.070 literally, generation, to a murdering generation, 00:15:48.210 --> 00:15:51.330 and begin to explain the better way, because 00:15:51.330 --> 00:15:54.690 this is our mandate as the body of Christ. And 00:15:54.690 --> 00:15:58.470 that is why... I believe marriage matters. That's 00:15:58.470 --> 00:16:01.330 why I believe there is such a hellhole battle. 00:16:02.409 --> 00:16:05.710 And that's why this morning Gordon is going to 00:16:05.710 --> 00:16:07.970 come, and we're really going to look at, well, 00:16:07.970 --> 00:16:11.250 what is the role of man and woman in 21st century? 00:16:11.549 --> 00:16:14.669 What does the Bible actually say a man looks 00:16:14.669 --> 00:16:17.570 like? What does the Bible actually say a woman 00:16:17.570 --> 00:16:21.350 looks like? We read so much stuff of what our 00:16:21.350 --> 00:16:23.750 role should be, of how we should look, but we've 00:16:23.750 --> 00:16:26.490 got to go back to basics. We've got to let God 00:16:26.490 --> 00:16:29.409 show us, well, what does Jesus look like as the 00:16:29.409 --> 00:16:32.049 bridegroom, and how should we as men really be? 00:16:32.009 --> 00:16:34.929 those bridegroom men that raise a bride that's 00:16:34.929 --> 00:16:37.169 radiant, spotless, beautiful, and it's going 00:16:37.169 --> 00:16:39.610 to wow the world that this is what it's like. 00:16:39.809 --> 00:16:42.750 And come on, girls, what do we do in that role 00:16:42.750 --> 00:16:45.529 of women to make the bridegroom? And that whole 00:16:45.529 --> 00:16:48.590 earth exclaims the darling of heaven. And that 00:16:48.590 --> 00:16:51.909 is our mandate. And we've got to kill the wretched 00:16:51.909 --> 00:16:54.730 spirits that are out there that literally are 00:16:54.730 --> 00:16:57.590 robbing generation after generation, marriage 00:16:57.590 --> 00:17:00.309 after marriage. There's got to be such an outcry 00:17:00.309 --> 00:17:06.650 in us. It's enough. It's enough. And as I look, 00:17:07.349 --> 00:17:10.109 and okay, the British church is political in 00:17:10.109 --> 00:17:12.589 church, so I'll just do it. But as I look and 00:17:12.589 --> 00:17:15.130 I've really followed the election campaign of 00:17:15.130 --> 00:17:17.789 both your Democratic and your Republican candidate 00:17:17.789 --> 00:17:21.609 now. And as you look at Kane and Obama, and I 00:17:21.609 --> 00:17:24.589 go on record, I love looking at voting records 00:17:24.589 --> 00:17:27.690 and finding, because I'm not so interested in 00:17:27.690 --> 00:17:30.890 all the hype. Go behind and go online and you 00:17:30.890 --> 00:17:33.710 can find the voting records of their moral and 00:17:33.710 --> 00:17:36.309 ethical choices. Because when no one's watching 00:17:36.309 --> 00:17:38.529 and they think they've got a free vote and they 00:17:38.529 --> 00:17:40.990 can do it and no one chases them, you can track 00:17:40.990 --> 00:17:43.750 them down. And I have to say, America, both your 00:17:43.750 --> 00:17:46.569 candidates do not have good voting records. It 00:17:46.569 --> 00:17:49.369 doesn't matter if they're Republican or... their 00:17:49.369 --> 00:17:52.930 heart cry when they're in the booth by themselves 00:17:52.930 --> 00:17:56.250 on moral issues is not being good for either 00:17:56.250 --> 00:18:05.509 of them so it needs serious prayer and so it 00:18:05.509 --> 00:18:09.269 isn't really about that it's about much more 00:18:09.269 --> 00:18:12.190 a fight for righteousness in a land so guess 00:18:12.190 --> 00:18:15.769 who can fill the gap the church come on church 00:18:15.769 --> 00:18:19.809 this is your hour Come on, Gordon, this is yours. 00:18:33.349 --> 00:18:38.710 She's amazing. Well, it's so good to be here. 00:18:38.910 --> 00:18:41.470 Rachael's talked so much about the church. I've 00:18:41.470 --> 00:18:44.130 had a great time. I talked to the ladies yesterday. 00:18:47.309 --> 00:18:51.170 We're going to look at marriage, communication 00:18:51.170 --> 00:18:57.950 marriage. Do you want to take this? Turn to the 00:18:57.950 --> 00:19:21.670 famous passage, Ephesians 5, from verse 21. For 00:19:21.670 --> 00:19:25.529 verse 21, Ephesians 5, submit to one another. 00:19:26.549 --> 00:19:30.130 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 00:19:30.809 --> 00:19:33.329 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord, 00:19:33.630 --> 00:19:36.069 for the husband is the head of the wife as Christ 00:19:36.069 --> 00:19:38.990 is the head of the church, his body of which 00:19:38.990 --> 00:19:42.369 he is the savior. Now as the church submits to 00:19:42.369 --> 00:19:44.970 Christ, so also wives should submit to their 00:19:44.970 --> 00:19:49.029 husbands in everything. Husbands, now love your 00:19:49.029 --> 00:19:51.940 wives just as Christ loved the church and gave 00:19:51.940 --> 00:19:56.440 himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing 00:19:56.440 --> 00:19:58.440 her by the washing with water through the word, 00:19:58.940 --> 00:20:01.680 and to present her to himself as the radiant 00:20:01.680 --> 00:20:07.079 church without stain or wrinkle or any other 00:20:07.079 --> 00:20:10.539 blemish, but holy and blameless. In the same 00:20:10.539 --> 00:20:13.339 way, husbands ought to love their wives as their 00:20:13.339 --> 00:20:16.680 own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 00:20:17.420 --> 00:20:20.640 After all, No one ever hated his own body, but 00:20:20.640 --> 00:20:25.420 he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does 00:20:25.420 --> 00:20:28.559 the church. For we are members of his body. For 00:20:28.559 --> 00:20:31.059 this reason, a man will leave his father and 00:20:31.059 --> 00:20:33.680 mother and be united to his wife, and the two 00:20:33.680 --> 00:20:37.720 will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery, 00:20:37.880 --> 00:20:41.779 but I am talking about Christ and the church. 00:20:42.640 --> 00:20:46.700 However, each one of you must also love his wife. 00:20:46.890 --> 00:20:49.970 as he loves himself and the wife must respect 00:20:49.970 --> 00:20:53.230 her husband. So Father we want to thank you for 00:20:53.230 --> 00:20:55.349 today. Thank you Lord in the context of this 00:20:55.349 --> 00:20:57.549 battle for marriage. Lord we want to thank you 00:20:57.549 --> 00:21:01.029 that you're saying arise shine come on let's 00:21:01.029 --> 00:21:03.029 let the glory of God come back on marriages. 00:21:03.450 --> 00:21:05.890 Father we pray for revelation today as we just 00:21:05.890 --> 00:21:08.710 open up this whole subject of our marriages that 00:21:08.710 --> 00:21:11.230 you will just speak to every one of us where 00:21:11.230 --> 00:21:13.930 we're at. that we will just know the Word of 00:21:13.930 --> 00:21:15.930 God individually to our situations, but also 00:21:15.930 --> 00:21:18.210 corporately of something that you want to do 00:21:18.210 --> 00:21:25.450 in our lives. So thank you, Father. Amen. I really 00:21:25.450 --> 00:21:27.730 want to frame this in the whole context of our 00:21:27.730 --> 00:21:31.250 journey, journey into togetherness, journey into 00:21:31.250 --> 00:21:34.930 communication and oneness. And just so you don't 00:21:34.930 --> 00:21:39.349 think that we are Mr. and Mrs. Perfect, it would 00:21:39.349 --> 00:21:41.619 be good for you to know where we come from. And 00:21:41.619 --> 00:21:43.539 I shared a little bit with the women yesterday, 00:21:43.880 --> 00:21:47.539 but I come from a real male chauvinist, independent 00:21:47.539 --> 00:21:49.900 background. I'm an ex -British Army officer. 00:21:49.960 --> 00:21:53.259 I was a captain of the British Army. And totally 00:21:53.259 --> 00:21:57.019 independent. I didn't have any time for marriage 00:21:57.019 --> 00:21:59.640 at all. I remember when I first met Rachel, I 00:21:59.640 --> 00:22:02.259 said, actually, I don't really want to get married. 00:22:02.279 --> 00:22:06.980 I just want to have children. This was long before 00:22:06.980 --> 00:22:10.430 we fell in love. So yeah, I just didn't want 00:22:10.430 --> 00:22:13.349 to let anybody in my life. I was completely independent 00:22:13.349 --> 00:22:17.950 and Finally got married at about 30 just just 00:22:17.950 --> 00:22:23.109 as I was reaching 30, but I was I was Independent 00:22:23.109 --> 00:22:26.829 because I was I was very fearful. I was I was 00:22:26.829 --> 00:22:32.509 damaged and I went through quite a serious nervous 00:22:32.509 --> 00:22:35.450 breakdown when I was in the British Army Not 00:22:35.450 --> 00:22:37.170 because of the situation that I was in, I was 00:22:37.170 --> 00:22:38.650 in Northern Ireland at the time, but that was 00:22:38.650 --> 00:22:41.349 my third tour. But it was because my life was 00:22:41.349 --> 00:22:44.069 ruled by the fear of man, and God allowed that 00:22:44.069 --> 00:22:45.789 fear of man just to take hold of me because he 00:22:45.789 --> 00:22:48.049 called me out of the army, he called me to go 00:22:48.049 --> 00:22:50.869 and work full time for him. Because I wouldn't, 00:22:50.890 --> 00:22:53.589 I just refused. God allowed me just to reap the 00:22:53.589 --> 00:22:56.309 fruit of that, and I just got completely overwhelmed 00:22:56.309 --> 00:22:59.450 with fear. Four of my soldiers were killed in 00:22:59.450 --> 00:23:06.049 the first week on the third tour. But I was a 00:23:06.049 --> 00:23:09.009 nervous wreck. I couldn't talk to people without 00:23:09.009 --> 00:23:11.130 shaking. I used to have panic attacks all the 00:23:11.130 --> 00:23:16.049 time. And Rachel, when I first met her, she also 00:23:16.049 --> 00:23:18.990 had been deeply damaged. Wonderful parents, but 00:23:18.990 --> 00:23:22.509 deeply damaged in India and had had some difficult 00:23:22.509 --> 00:23:24.470 things happen to her in India. So she used to 00:23:24.470 --> 00:23:26.609 drop her eyes. She never used to look anybody 00:23:26.609 --> 00:23:28.609 in the eye. She used to drop her eyes and run 00:23:28.609 --> 00:23:32.170 for a chair. and just used to hide on the edges. 00:23:32.750 --> 00:23:37.829 Now those two black holes got married. And you 00:23:37.829 --> 00:23:42.049 can imagine the fireworks that that was going 00:23:42.049 --> 00:23:44.549 to cause and the pain that we had to go through. 00:23:45.609 --> 00:23:48.769 But the key to the whole thing was what I could 00:23:48.769 --> 00:23:51.509 see. Because when I first saw Rachel, even though 00:23:51.509 --> 00:23:54.710 she was very wounded, I saw a wounded eagle. 00:23:55.390 --> 00:23:59.529 I saw a wounded, damaged eagle that was... held 00:23:59.529 --> 00:24:02.890 in this cage. And I was just longing to see that 00:24:02.890 --> 00:24:06.970 eagle be healed and fully released. And it was 00:24:06.970 --> 00:24:12.710 quite a time. It took quite a few years before 00:24:12.710 --> 00:24:16.609 she really came to healing and fullness. But 00:24:16.609 --> 00:24:20.970 it was a process of allowing both of us to go 00:24:20.970 --> 00:24:23.990 through a repair time and then a rebuild time 00:24:23.990 --> 00:24:27.170 and then a time of release. And people always 00:24:27.170 --> 00:24:29.359 used to talk to me about the vision of heaven 00:24:29.359 --> 00:24:33.299 and hell being the same. In that heaven, sorry 00:24:33.299 --> 00:24:37.220 hell was a place where there's a vast table of 00:24:37.220 --> 00:24:40.480 a banquet where people were confronted with this 00:24:40.480 --> 00:24:44.519 massive bounty and they had six foot long forks 00:24:44.519 --> 00:24:46.420 and they were desperately trying to feed themselves 00:24:46.420 --> 00:24:48.579 and they couldn't do it so they were totally 00:24:48.579 --> 00:24:52.660 emaciated and just these skinny emaciated beings. 00:24:53.180 --> 00:24:55.859 But heaven was the same banqueting table and 00:24:55.859 --> 00:24:59.220 they just learnt. that to survive and to grow 00:24:59.220 --> 00:25:02.039 and to prosper they had to feed each other. Now 00:25:02.039 --> 00:25:05.440 heaven and hell are the same in marriage. Your 00:25:05.440 --> 00:25:07.380 marriage can be heaven and hell depending on 00:25:07.380 --> 00:25:10.680 how you see it. And if you come in to feed yourself 00:25:10.680 --> 00:25:14.180 for your rights, me, my, I, it's absolute hell. 00:25:14.500 --> 00:25:17.039 When you learn to feed each other and help each 00:25:17.039 --> 00:25:20.380 other and build each other up and rebuild each 00:25:20.380 --> 00:25:22.440 other and then release each other, it's absolute 00:25:22.440 --> 00:25:25.859 heaven. And the very same thing can be heaven 00:25:25.859 --> 00:25:30.190 or hell. And we discovered very soon, and believe 00:25:30.190 --> 00:25:33.049 me, we had some good fat fights at the beginning, 00:25:34.109 --> 00:25:36.650 like everyone else does, until we discovered 00:25:36.650 --> 00:25:39.369 that actually we both had an emotional tank. 00:25:39.470 --> 00:25:42.369 We both needed to be filled. And our job was 00:25:42.369 --> 00:25:45.869 not to fill ourselves and to make ourselves get 00:25:45.869 --> 00:25:48.369 filled. Our job really was to fill each other's 00:25:48.369 --> 00:25:53.069 emotional tank. And my fuel that I run on is 00:25:53.069 --> 00:25:57.410 to be appreciated, respected, valued. encouraged. 00:25:58.930 --> 00:26:01.569 And Rachel, you know, women's emotional tank, 00:26:01.569 --> 00:26:03.450 they needed different fuels. She needed tenderness, 00:26:03.470 --> 00:26:06.730 she needed time, she needed, you know, the same 00:26:06.730 --> 00:26:08.670 respect. You know, she needed their lovey -dovey 00:26:08.670 --> 00:26:13.569 things that really made her feel wonderful. Different 00:26:13.569 --> 00:26:16.390 fuels, but we both need to fill each other. And 00:26:16.390 --> 00:26:18.490 I very soon discovered that if I didn't spend 00:26:18.490 --> 00:26:21.430 time to fill her emotional tank, I very soon 00:26:21.430 --> 00:26:24.349 saw an empty tank, and I discovered the tiger 00:26:24.349 --> 00:26:28.869 in the tank. and the growl would begin to come 00:26:28.869 --> 00:26:32.309 and then I would begin to criticize her but the 00:26:32.309 --> 00:26:34.230 trouble is it was my fault because my job as 00:26:34.230 --> 00:26:40.269 a husband is to drown the tiger in the tank because 00:26:40.269 --> 00:26:44.890 Rachel had a profound impact on my life because 00:26:44.890 --> 00:26:48.730 I'm a third, fourth generation British Army officer 00:26:48.730 --> 00:26:52.289 I had never cried I don't think ever in my life 00:26:52.289 --> 00:26:54.839 until I met Rachel And then I've never stopped 00:26:54.839 --> 00:27:00.259 crying ever since. But she helped unlock so much 00:27:00.259 --> 00:27:03.480 of what was a completely, you know, emotion dead, 00:27:03.700 --> 00:27:07.799 totally emotion dead British Army officer. But 00:27:07.799 --> 00:27:10.220 it was one of the most wonderful days of my life 00:27:10.220 --> 00:27:13.119 when... Quite a number of years later, we were 00:27:13.119 --> 00:27:15.140 in Malaysia. We'd been crusade directors So I 00:27:15.140 --> 00:27:16.660 had been a crusade director with Reinhard Bonnker 00:27:16.660 --> 00:27:19.519 for about four years traveling around ahead of 00:27:19.519 --> 00:27:21.960 Reinhard Bonnker organizing his crusades Rachel 00:27:21.960 --> 00:27:24.259 had just been a wonderful wife with our two kids 00:27:24.259 --> 00:27:26.119 just following me along. She'd never preached 00:27:26.119 --> 00:27:30.420 one message never done any Bible studies, but 00:27:30.420 --> 00:27:33.980 She had a revelation a blinding flash of revelation 00:27:33.980 --> 00:27:37.019 in Malaysia that God just spoke to her He gave 00:27:37.019 --> 00:27:39.240 her exactly the same scripture he gave to me 00:27:39.240 --> 00:27:41.900 about blowing the trumpet in Zion, proclaiming 00:27:41.900 --> 00:27:44.039 to the nation, prepare for war. And God just 00:27:44.039 --> 00:27:47.079 told her to get up and begin to start declaring 00:27:47.079 --> 00:27:49.779 spiritual warfare in the churches. This was in 00:27:49.779 --> 00:27:53.700 an Islamic nation. And overnight she changed. 00:27:54.119 --> 00:27:56.420 And I told the story of how I watched her in 00:27:56.420 --> 00:27:59.160 one meeting changing from little Rachel to suddenly 00:27:59.160 --> 00:28:02.140 ministry Rachel, literally in one moment of that 00:28:02.140 --> 00:28:05.450 revelation. And I... she beckoned from down the 00:28:05.450 --> 00:28:07.230 front row, said, Dani, I've got a little, I've 00:28:07.230 --> 00:28:10.390 got a word from the Lord. And as that male chauvinist 00:28:10.390 --> 00:28:12.890 that I was, I thought it was a little five -minute 00:28:12.890 --> 00:28:16.730 picture, nice little thing, you know, very patronizing. 00:28:17.509 --> 00:28:20.970 And she took the microphone and I just was shocked. 00:28:21.210 --> 00:28:24.190 as she preached without notes for an hour just 00:28:24.190 --> 00:28:27.349 under the anointing of God with such a lion roar 00:28:27.349 --> 00:28:29.869 inside her drew a lion across the platform and 00:28:29.869 --> 00:28:33.349 just a devil this far no further back off and 00:28:33.349 --> 00:28:36.549 I thought wow what's happened to this woman and 00:28:36.549 --> 00:28:39.349 the anointing of God was so strong as she was 00:28:39.349 --> 00:28:42.569 preaching people were just looking dazed and 00:28:42.569 --> 00:28:46.519 people even saw angels proclaiming, blowing trumpets 00:28:46.519 --> 00:28:48.779 above her head. That was one of the members of 00:28:48.779 --> 00:28:50.599 the government, just saying, what are those angels 00:28:50.599 --> 00:28:53.400 over her head? And people couldn't even come 00:28:53.400 --> 00:28:54.880 up on the platform, because they touched the 00:28:54.880 --> 00:28:56.299 platform, they just fell down in the spirit. 00:28:57.079 --> 00:29:00.920 But the thing is, that lifted, and then Little 00:29:00.920 --> 00:29:03.779 Rachel appeared again. And I began to discover, 00:29:04.880 --> 00:29:08.920 it's in the anointing, in Christ, under the anointing, 00:29:08.980 --> 00:29:11.119 there's neither male nor female. And I began 00:29:11.119 --> 00:29:13.829 to discover there was Little Rachel, my wonderful 00:29:13.829 --> 00:29:16.589 little Rachel and there was anointed ministry 00:29:16.589 --> 00:29:19.769 Rachel and the thing is anointed ministry Rachel 00:29:19.769 --> 00:29:23.029 is not it's not the whole thing you've got it 00:29:23.029 --> 00:29:24.769 and I know you've all come to know little Rachel 00:29:24.769 --> 00:29:29.569 too haven't you she's very mischievous very naughty 00:29:29.569 --> 00:29:35.910 full of fun but it's you've got it you've got 00:29:35.910 --> 00:29:39.109 to see that because the anointing is not the 00:29:39.109 --> 00:29:42.559 person and I began to respect the anointing As 00:29:42.559 --> 00:29:44.839 I shared yesterday, ever since that moment, I've 00:29:44.839 --> 00:29:47.299 been called Rachel's husband all around the world. 00:29:48.640 --> 00:29:52.900 But that is a great honor. 1 Corinthians 11 -12 00:29:52.900 --> 00:29:56.599 says that the wife is the glory of the husband. 00:29:57.059 --> 00:29:59.460 She is the outshining of that relationship. And 00:29:59.460 --> 00:30:01.900 if there's a good relationship, she is the radiance, 00:30:01.920 --> 00:30:05.059 the reflection of what is happening in that relationship, 00:30:05.240 --> 00:30:07.779 the reflection of what God is doing right inside 00:30:07.779 --> 00:30:12.920 there. And we very soon discovered that we had 00:30:12.920 --> 00:30:16.339 to flow together. In 1 Peter chapter 3 verse 00:30:16.339 --> 00:30:19.099 7, it talks about husbands being considerate 00:30:19.099 --> 00:30:21.619 with their wives and treating them as a weaker 00:30:21.619 --> 00:30:25.980 vessel, but as heirs together of the gracious 00:30:25.980 --> 00:30:28.440 gift of life. And we are heirs together. There 00:30:28.440 --> 00:30:31.200 was no sense that I could get into God by myself, 00:30:31.279 --> 00:30:33.319 you know, I was fed up with Rachel, get into 00:30:33.319 --> 00:30:35.819 God by myself and go for it. It didn't work. 00:30:36.839 --> 00:30:41.029 We had to come together. We were as together 00:30:41.029 --> 00:30:43.930 of the greatest gracious gift of life and even 00:30:43.930 --> 00:30:46.309 though ministry Rachel was very strong very anointed 00:30:46.309 --> 00:30:49.890 like a lion Roaring sometimes like a general 00:30:49.890 --> 00:30:53.049 little Rachel needed love tenderness consideration 00:30:53.049 --> 00:30:58.210 respect two different people The sad thing is 00:30:58.210 --> 00:30:59.970 that we came back from the mission field and 00:30:59.970 --> 00:31:01.529 I'm going to be very honest here We came back 00:31:01.529 --> 00:31:04.289 from the mission field and we went into a denomination 00:31:04.289 --> 00:31:06.930 at the time. It was a charismatic denomination 00:31:07.279 --> 00:31:09.900 which didn't believe in women ministers. And 00:31:09.900 --> 00:31:13.000 so, not being rebellious people, Rachel was really 00:31:13.000 --> 00:31:15.980 put back in the cage. And eagles don't do well 00:31:15.980 --> 00:31:20.140 in a cage. They get sick. They get, they begin 00:31:20.140 --> 00:31:23.140 to molt. And Rachel was sick all the time for 00:31:23.140 --> 00:31:27.099 about three years. She really was damaged. I 00:31:27.099 --> 00:31:29.319 was taken away with the men to be with the men. 00:31:29.579 --> 00:31:31.720 And Rachel was just, she was actually told, go 00:31:31.720 --> 00:31:33.559 and teach the women how to clean the houses and 00:31:33.559 --> 00:31:36.819 clean their toilets, their bathrooms. Unbelievable. 00:31:37.759 --> 00:31:40.759 patronizing. But she was sick all the time. It 00:31:40.759 --> 00:31:43.380 damaged our communication. Even though we had 00:31:43.380 --> 00:31:45.859 flown like two eagles for those years with Reinhard 00:31:45.859 --> 00:31:49.480 Banke, back in that wrong religious atmosphere, 00:31:50.039 --> 00:31:53.319 that killed the communication between us. And 00:31:53.319 --> 00:31:56.460 it was serious. I remember three years into that, 00:31:56.680 --> 00:31:58.160 Rachel was in hospital. I think it was on an 00:31:58.160 --> 00:32:01.230 Easter day. And suddenly a cry came from deep 00:32:01.230 --> 00:32:04.349 within her, just saying, I've got to be me. I've 00:32:04.349 --> 00:32:08.190 got to be me. She was born to preach. She knew 00:32:08.190 --> 00:32:11.789 that. She just said, God, let me out. And some 00:32:11.789 --> 00:32:14.809 precious man of God saw what was happening in 00:32:14.809 --> 00:32:17.410 the spirit. And he said to Rachel, he took us 00:32:17.410 --> 00:32:19.509 out to a meal and he said to Rachel, hey, look, 00:32:19.869 --> 00:32:21.630 we've never, we believe in women preachers, but 00:32:21.630 --> 00:32:23.430 we've never had one. He said, I've got a conference 00:32:23.430 --> 00:32:25.990 of 2000. I want you to take the main sessions. 00:32:26.690 --> 00:32:30.509 And we went to that conference. He'd never heard 00:32:30.509 --> 00:32:32.930 her preach but God just told him to release her. 00:32:33.089 --> 00:32:34.849 We went to that conference and our communication 00:32:34.849 --> 00:32:38.490 really was very bad at that time and I remember 00:32:38.490 --> 00:32:41.150 her going up on the stage. She took the microphone 00:32:41.150 --> 00:32:44.970 and suddenly I began, I just started sobbing 00:32:44.970 --> 00:32:48.279 because I saw the eagle coming out again. I saw 00:32:48.279 --> 00:32:50.500 her beginning to fly. I saw the prophetic accuracy, 00:32:50.980 --> 00:32:53.880 like eagles' eyes touching people. The power 00:32:53.880 --> 00:32:57.400 of God just fell. People were weeping, and just 00:32:57.400 --> 00:32:59.460 the intercession just began to come up from the 00:32:59.460 --> 00:33:03.839 people. And I vowed then I would never allow 00:33:03.839 --> 00:33:07.339 anybody to put Rachel back in that cage, because 00:33:07.339 --> 00:33:09.640 we're called to be one. We're called to be two 00:33:09.640 --> 00:33:13.119 eagles. We've actually, we've been, for the last 00:33:13.119 --> 00:33:15.369 three years, we've... been in quite a difficult 00:33:15.369 --> 00:33:17.789 spiritual situation. I've gone back into the 00:33:17.789 --> 00:33:20.170 Anglican world, and it's been difficult because 00:33:20.170 --> 00:33:22.369 we've had to adjust to that. Because I'm a Pentecostal, 00:33:22.390 --> 00:33:24.769 I'm an Assemblies of God minister for the last 00:33:24.769 --> 00:33:28.170 18 years. But I've had to adjust to the Anglican, 00:33:28.309 --> 00:33:31.009 that's Episcopalian world. And we found that 00:33:31.009 --> 00:33:33.869 difficult. We've had to really adjust to that. 00:33:38.670 --> 00:33:45.859 I want to talk about three crises. which tend 00:33:45.859 --> 00:33:48.839 to make the glory fade in our communication. 00:33:49.859 --> 00:33:53.019 And they come from this passage here in Ephesians. 00:33:54.440 --> 00:33:56.880 The first one is a crisis and a misunderstanding 00:33:56.880 --> 00:34:00.980 of headship because here it talks about the husband 00:34:00.980 --> 00:34:05.740 being the head of the wife as Christ is the head 00:34:05.740 --> 00:34:09.579 of the church. The husband is the head of the 00:34:09.579 --> 00:34:12.480 wife as Christ is the head of the church. his 00:34:12.480 --> 00:34:17.059 body of which he is a savior. Now, headship has 00:34:17.059 --> 00:34:20.780 been eroded by a lot of feminism. A lot of feminists 00:34:20.780 --> 00:34:24.719 deliberately eroded that thing. And actually, 00:34:25.159 --> 00:34:28.659 it has eroded the security which women had before. 00:34:30.079 --> 00:34:32.480 But because of our misunderstanding of headship, 00:34:33.280 --> 00:34:36.000 we treat it in the way the world sees headship. 00:34:36.400 --> 00:34:38.500 But if you've studied kingdom, you'll know that 00:34:38.500 --> 00:34:41.940 every kingdom value is upside down. to the worldly 00:34:41.940 --> 00:34:43.980 values. If you want to go up in the kingdom, 00:34:44.179 --> 00:34:46.800 you've got to go down. If you want to live in 00:34:46.800 --> 00:34:48.539 the kingdom, you've got to die. If you want to 00:34:48.539 --> 00:34:50.900 receive, you've got to give. If you want to be 00:34:50.900 --> 00:34:55.000 head, guess where you've got to go? You've got 00:34:55.000 --> 00:34:57.780 to lay your life down. And it talks about it 00:34:57.780 --> 00:35:02.599 here. It talks about husbands love your wives 00:35:02.599 --> 00:35:08.099 as Christ loved the church and gave himself up 00:35:08.099 --> 00:35:12.019 for her. The place of headship is a laid -down 00:35:12.019 --> 00:35:16.340 life. That is the only way that we can be respected 00:35:16.340 --> 00:35:18.699 for our headship, that we're willing to lay our 00:35:18.699 --> 00:35:22.159 lives down. Now, how did Christ become my head? 00:35:23.380 --> 00:35:28.239 Christ became my head by looking at me and seeing 00:35:28.239 --> 00:35:32.280 that I was to blame, but he was willing to take 00:35:32.280 --> 00:35:36.019 the blame and lay his life down. And men, don't 00:35:36.019 --> 00:35:40.260 kill me. But when you know that your wife is 00:35:40.260 --> 00:35:43.119 wrong, according to your perspective, to become 00:35:43.119 --> 00:35:48.199 head. You don't put yourself above. You actually 00:35:48.199 --> 00:35:50.579 are willing to take the blame for that situation, 00:35:50.940 --> 00:35:53.760 to lay your life down, lay out the drawbridge, 00:35:54.360 --> 00:35:58.280 and allow her to come out of that place of isolation. 00:35:59.119 --> 00:36:02.280 And that is how headship works. We realize that 00:36:02.280 --> 00:36:04.739 in an argument, and when there's a dividing wall 00:36:04.739 --> 00:36:07.539 between us, that the only way of unity is for 00:36:07.539 --> 00:36:09.079 the husband to be willing to take the blame. 00:36:09.159 --> 00:36:10.960 Darling, I'm so sorry that I've allowed this 00:36:10.960 --> 00:36:13.320 to happen. I'm so sorry this has happened. I'm 00:36:13.320 --> 00:36:15.219 so sorry that we've got this division between 00:36:15.219 --> 00:36:19.199 us. Even when you know, and maybe even she knows, 00:36:19.320 --> 00:36:23.139 that she's in the wrong. But by criticizing and 00:36:23.139 --> 00:36:26.079 by accusing, you just shut the door even more. 00:36:26.400 --> 00:36:29.010 It's by putting yourself down. that suddenly 00:36:29.010 --> 00:36:30.829 she can breathe again because she knows she's 00:36:30.829 --> 00:36:33.789 secure, that actually she can come out and be 00:36:33.789 --> 00:36:37.989 one with you. Now what it does, it shows in this 00:36:37.989 --> 00:36:41.010 passage it does three things. He gave himself 00:36:41.010 --> 00:36:43.730 up for one, to make her holy. That means to make 00:36:43.730 --> 00:36:47.949 her special. Holy means exclusively set apart 00:36:47.949 --> 00:36:51.110 for you. And when a wife realizes that you're 00:36:51.110 --> 00:36:53.269 willing to lay your life down and to take the 00:36:53.269 --> 00:36:55.530 blame in situations, give her that security, 00:36:55.929 --> 00:36:59.309 she will do anything for you. If you're going 00:36:59.309 --> 00:37:02.769 to stand back from her and criticize and criticize, 00:37:03.130 --> 00:37:04.929 there's no way she's going to separate herself 00:37:04.929 --> 00:37:08.050 exclusively for you. And that's what happens. 00:37:08.349 --> 00:37:10.829 Suddenly they're willing to open up and make 00:37:10.829 --> 00:37:14.070 themselves exclusively available. The second 00:37:14.070 --> 00:37:18.110 area is to cleanse her with the washing with 00:37:18.110 --> 00:37:21.329 water through the word. Now that's a picture 00:37:21.329 --> 00:37:27.309 of taking hold of burdens because just as Christ 00:37:28.220 --> 00:37:32.320 took the burdens of sin off mankind. Man wasn't 00:37:32.320 --> 00:37:36.039 made to carry the burden of sin. Christ was. 00:37:36.500 --> 00:37:39.340 Christ could take on that burden of sin. That's 00:37:39.340 --> 00:37:42.380 why he's the burden bearer. We cast all our sin 00:37:42.380 --> 00:37:45.440 onto him. But in a married situation, the wife 00:37:45.440 --> 00:37:50.500 is not born made to carry emotional stress. She's 00:37:50.500 --> 00:37:53.239 got to have time to offload it onto her husband. 00:37:53.719 --> 00:37:56.710 It doesn't, it shouldn't. affect us. We should 00:37:56.710 --> 00:37:58.710 be able to take it off and then just offload 00:37:58.710 --> 00:38:02.590 it elsewhere. And so there has to be time, has 00:38:02.590 --> 00:38:05.349 to be time, where we talk. And this is one of 00:38:05.349 --> 00:38:07.590 the things that is most robbed in ministry people, 00:38:07.730 --> 00:38:10.309 that we just don't get that quality time. We 00:38:10.309 --> 00:38:12.710 have to fight for that time, certainly in our 00:38:12.710 --> 00:38:15.349 current position. We have to fight for that time, 00:38:15.570 --> 00:38:17.369 where Rachel can offload some of the stress and 00:38:17.369 --> 00:38:20.610 the pressure that is on her. And then that washing 00:38:20.610 --> 00:38:22.909 with water through the word, just allowing those 00:38:22.909 --> 00:38:28.519 words to touch and to heal and to make secure. 00:38:31.179 --> 00:38:35.019 That finally brings us to the thing of, to present 00:38:35.019 --> 00:38:37.880 her to himself as a radiant church. That means 00:38:37.880 --> 00:38:40.519 there is a place of radiance. The wife begins 00:38:40.519 --> 00:38:44.380 to carry a glory when she's done that. When there's 00:38:44.380 --> 00:38:48.199 a sense of being valued, secure, then there's 00:38:48.199 --> 00:38:50.960 a new sense of head up, as Rachel calls it, shoulders 00:38:50.960 --> 00:38:54.030 back, a sense of radiance, confidence. because 00:38:54.030 --> 00:38:57.469 she is loved. So that's the first crisis, a misunderstanding 00:38:57.469 --> 00:39:00.949 of headship. The second one is a crisis of fatherhood. 00:39:01.030 --> 00:39:05.849 And I think we often, in religious circles, we 00:39:05.849 --> 00:39:10.190 have a sine eye model of fatherhood, laying down 00:39:10.190 --> 00:39:12.730 the law. We think that brings security. We lay 00:39:12.730 --> 00:39:15.349 down the law. We do this. Rather than the Calvary 00:39:15.349 --> 00:39:20.610 model of fatherhood, where we're willing to come 00:39:20.610 --> 00:39:25.429 down and walk alongside and just lift people 00:39:25.429 --> 00:39:28.050 up. And I know certainly that this is one of 00:39:28.050 --> 00:39:30.690 the greatest crises we have in our society. It's 00:39:30.690 --> 00:39:32.530 not a crisis of leadership, it's a crisis of 00:39:32.530 --> 00:39:35.309 fatherhood. Of people being able to, of children 00:39:35.309 --> 00:39:38.050 feeling that they have their father alongside 00:39:38.050 --> 00:39:40.849 them. We had a friend who's from Argentina who 00:39:40.849 --> 00:39:45.329 came to England in the early 90s to try and stir 00:39:45.329 --> 00:39:48.730 up revival in England. Now he brought with him 00:39:48.730 --> 00:39:51.989 an 11 year old son. who got really traumatized 00:39:51.989 --> 00:39:55.869 because he left his friends, his culture, his 00:39:55.869 --> 00:39:58.090 language, everything he left behind. Now his 00:39:58.090 --> 00:40:00.230 father was having a great time preaching and 00:40:00.230 --> 00:40:03.510 doing everything. And so slowly the gap between 00:40:03.510 --> 00:40:07.309 father and son just got wider and wider. And 00:40:07.309 --> 00:40:09.670 Marcus got really offended with God and just 00:40:09.670 --> 00:40:11.809 said, God, this is not fair. I'm doing all of 00:40:11.809 --> 00:40:14.110 your business. Why aren't you looking after my 00:40:14.110 --> 00:40:16.630 son? And God just said to him, Marcus, you're 00:40:16.630 --> 00:40:18.590 not fathering him. And he said, but of course 00:40:18.590 --> 00:40:20.769 I am. And by then, you know, he was really laying 00:40:20.769 --> 00:40:23.289 down the rules. Sinai model. He was making sure 00:40:23.289 --> 00:40:26.130 his son was in at this time and did this and 00:40:26.130 --> 00:40:30.349 that. And so he was very much a head down Sinai 00:40:30.349 --> 00:40:34.309 model father. And God said to him, Marcus, that's 00:40:34.309 --> 00:40:37.650 not how I fathered you. I came into your mess. 00:40:38.050 --> 00:40:40.809 I came alongside you. I didn't criticize you. 00:40:41.010 --> 00:40:44.289 I didn't count your sin against you. I was with 00:40:44.289 --> 00:40:47.219 you until you... connected with me and then all 00:40:47.219 --> 00:40:50.079 that was on me came on to you. And he said, Marcus, 00:40:50.139 --> 00:40:52.280 I want you to give up some of your revival preaching. 00:40:52.760 --> 00:40:56.159 Take time with your son. You know, it was quite 00:40:56.159 --> 00:40:57.940 a difficult thing for him. He had to ring up 00:40:57.940 --> 00:41:01.539 and cancel quite a lot of his assignments and 00:41:01.539 --> 00:41:04.000 some of his preaching. And his son had gone into 00:41:04.000 --> 00:41:05.699 a completely different culture. He used to get 00:41:05.699 --> 00:41:08.280 up very early in the morning and watch satellite 00:41:08.280 --> 00:41:11.679 TV to watch all the American football and all 00:41:11.679 --> 00:41:16.579 the stuff that you have on your TVs. But he just 00:41:16.579 --> 00:41:18.699 he wasn't in this world and he was also into 00:41:18.699 --> 00:41:20.820 a lot of youth music which his dad just did not 00:41:20.820 --> 00:41:25.400 like and so He said okay, I'm gonna get into 00:41:25.400 --> 00:41:27.480 God so next morning early his son was sitting 00:41:27.480 --> 00:41:30.280 there watching TV and sat dad came in bleary 00:41:30.280 --> 00:41:32.440 -eyed sitting beside him and just began to be 00:41:32.440 --> 00:41:36.420 with him some was really suspicious and Then 00:41:36.420 --> 00:41:38.219 he began to sit with his son and listen to some 00:41:38.219 --> 00:41:40.219 of this music learn the names of some of the 00:41:40.219 --> 00:41:42.940 the artists that his son really liked and it 00:41:42.940 --> 00:41:46.780 took time to build trust. But after a period 00:41:46.780 --> 00:41:49.159 of about three months of sitting there one early 00:41:49.159 --> 00:41:53.280 morning with him next to his son, something happened. 00:41:54.400 --> 00:41:57.320 Something connected between father and son. He 00:41:57.320 --> 00:42:00.699 looked at his son. The son looked at him and 00:42:00.699 --> 00:42:04.340 he thought, I've got a dad. I've got a dad. I've 00:42:04.340 --> 00:42:07.079 got a dad. And you know the law of bonding. No 00:42:07.079 --> 00:42:10.110 bond, no transfer. As soon as you bond, there's 00:42:10.110 --> 00:42:12.750 a transfer. And everything, the passions for 00:42:12.750 --> 00:42:15.610 God that was on Marcus, transferred to his son. 00:42:15.949 --> 00:42:19.489 His son just began to just dive into everything 00:42:19.489 --> 00:42:21.769 his father was in. He gathered all his non -Christian 00:42:21.769 --> 00:42:24.130 friends, began to read the Bible to them. He 00:42:24.130 --> 00:42:28.130 began a youth revival with all these youth. And 00:42:28.130 --> 00:42:30.570 Marcus was laughing with us when he told us this 00:42:30.570 --> 00:42:32.369 story. He said, guys, you won't believe it. He 00:42:32.369 --> 00:42:35.409 said, last week my son criticized me. He said, 00:42:35.429 --> 00:42:38.230 dad, what are you doing for the kingdom? My group 00:42:38.230 --> 00:42:40.869 are fasting three days a week. What are you doing? 00:42:41.989 --> 00:42:45.690 Now that is fatherhood. And I think in religious 00:42:45.690 --> 00:42:50.349 circles, we've got the wrong model. And then 00:42:50.349 --> 00:42:53.289 thirdly, there's a crisis of identity. We've 00:42:53.289 --> 00:42:55.889 all heard about the men are from Mars, women 00:42:55.889 --> 00:42:58.730 are from Venus. Yes, we are different species. 00:42:59.829 --> 00:43:02.230 It's a delight getting to know the other species. 00:43:03.449 --> 00:43:07.929 But it is true that Adam was born into function. 00:43:08.030 --> 00:43:11.349 He was born to do a job. And so men relate according 00:43:11.349 --> 00:43:13.610 to their function. The first thing they say is, 00:43:13.650 --> 00:43:15.409 what are you doing? What are you doing? So men 00:43:15.409 --> 00:43:17.909 always relate according to function. A woman 00:43:17.909 --> 00:43:21.150 was birthed not into function, but into relationship. 00:43:21.409 --> 00:43:24.210 So women instantly relate. And so we've got to 00:43:24.210 --> 00:43:27.250 realize the difference between men and women 00:43:27.250 --> 00:43:30.349 in that area. It takes a while for men to get 00:43:30.349 --> 00:43:33.809 more relational. So a lot of men live behind 00:43:33.809 --> 00:43:37.489 facades. And that is what Adam did. He said, 00:43:37.630 --> 00:43:42.690 I was afraid and therefore I hid. And I see so 00:43:42.690 --> 00:43:45.389 many men, when I was a businessman for five years, 00:43:45.889 --> 00:43:49.530 running a company in London. I used to go into 00:43:49.530 --> 00:43:52.429 London by train. I used to look at all these 00:43:52.429 --> 00:43:56.530 smart, really chic looking men. They look great 00:43:56.530 --> 00:43:58.730 on the outside, you know, the latest laptop and 00:43:58.730 --> 00:44:01.250 mobile, everything else. But inside, you could 00:44:01.250 --> 00:44:03.289 just see straight through the facade, there was 00:44:03.289 --> 00:44:08.090 a desperate little young boy, terrified of a 00:44:08.090 --> 00:44:10.849 lack of approval, desperate for somebody to notice 00:44:10.849 --> 00:44:13.590 them, desperate because they were so fearful 00:44:13.590 --> 00:44:17.210 of failure. All they needed was the father's 00:44:17.210 --> 00:44:22.670 approval and appreciation. Now, sadly, feminism 00:44:22.670 --> 00:44:27.320 has eroded a lot of the male security because, 00:44:27.320 --> 00:44:31.099 you know, feminism tends to, it's a lie. Feminism 00:44:31.099 --> 00:44:33.719 is a lie which says that if women can have the 00:44:33.719 --> 00:44:36.159 same function, they can have the same value. 00:44:36.539 --> 00:44:40.239 And the lie is that our value is according to 00:44:40.239 --> 00:44:43.460 our function because your value has got absolutely 00:44:43.460 --> 00:44:46.860 nothing to do with what you do. It's who you 00:44:46.860 --> 00:44:50.860 are that matters. It's not what I do, it's what 00:44:50.860 --> 00:44:54.949 I am that matters. And who I am, they always 00:44:54.949 --> 00:45:00.889 say, is dependent on whose I am. If I don't really 00:45:00.889 --> 00:45:02.909 have that sense of the father's love and the 00:45:02.909 --> 00:45:05.789 father's approval, then the whole time I get 00:45:05.789 --> 00:45:08.610 onto that treadmill of just constantly trying 00:45:08.610 --> 00:45:11.170 to perform, constantly trying to perform, constantly 00:45:11.170 --> 00:45:14.889 trying to win people's favor. And that can be 00:45:14.889 --> 00:45:17.110 a killer in marriage. It can really kill you 00:45:17.110 --> 00:45:19.809 in your business life. You just are struggling 00:45:19.809 --> 00:45:25.400 all the time to cope with life. A lot of the 00:45:25.400 --> 00:45:29.539 mindsets that we have in this area come from 00:45:29.539 --> 00:45:31.360 the way we were brought up. That's what my dad 00:45:31.360 --> 00:45:34.559 did. That's what I'm going to do. You know, we've 00:45:34.559 --> 00:45:36.739 long since forgotten why we do it. They're traditions. 00:45:39.139 --> 00:45:44.019 I love the book Wild at Heart, which talks about 00:45:44.019 --> 00:45:49.059 men, about the deep instincts in men, that they 00:45:49.059 --> 00:45:52.519 have a battle to fight, an adventure to live, 00:45:52.840 --> 00:45:58.000 and a beauty to win. a battle to fight, an adventure 00:45:58.000 --> 00:45:59.960 to live, and a beauty to win. And I think when 00:45:59.960 --> 00:46:03.019 women value that and don't crush it, you see 00:46:03.019 --> 00:46:06.820 the release of that. And they begin to discover 00:46:06.820 --> 00:46:08.980 that part of them when they really connect to 00:46:08.980 --> 00:46:12.039 the Father God. We had a man in our church who 00:46:12.039 --> 00:46:16.559 was adopted. And he told us a story. It's really 00:46:16.559 --> 00:46:19.400 impacted us. He said, because he didn't know 00:46:19.400 --> 00:46:22.320 who he was. He just, you know, he was adopted. 00:46:22.659 --> 00:46:25.050 He hadn't got a clue who his father was. And 00:46:25.050 --> 00:46:28.670 one day he discovered who his maternal, who his 00:46:28.670 --> 00:46:33.670 mother was. And when he got to know her, the 00:46:33.670 --> 00:46:36.489 first question he had was, Mum, have you got 00:46:36.489 --> 00:46:40.449 a picture of my dad? And he said this amazing 00:46:40.449 --> 00:46:42.630 thing that really impacted me. He said, my mum 00:46:42.630 --> 00:46:45.429 took out this old box of photographs and took 00:46:45.429 --> 00:46:48.110 out a photograph of my dad when he was about 00:46:48.110 --> 00:46:51.429 the same age as me. He said, the moment I saw 00:46:51.429 --> 00:46:56.139 my dad, I knew who I was. The moment I saw my 00:46:56.139 --> 00:46:59.079 dad, I knew who I was. You know, he saw the same 00:46:59.079 --> 00:47:01.340 kind of features and suddenly there was that 00:47:01.340 --> 00:47:03.619 bond. He just knew this is where I come from. 00:47:04.159 --> 00:47:06.420 And for men spiritually, that is so important. 00:47:06.940 --> 00:47:09.980 Until you know your dad, until you know that 00:47:09.980 --> 00:47:12.000 you're known and loved by the father, it's not 00:47:12.000 --> 00:47:15.659 an option. It is absolutely critical that you've 00:47:15.659 --> 00:47:19.539 had an impact from the father's love. Once you 00:47:19.539 --> 00:47:26.900 know... religious and politics and everything 00:47:26.900 --> 00:47:29.039 else. You know, we end up killing each other 00:47:29.039 --> 00:47:31.400 rather than defending the ones that we were supposed 00:47:31.400 --> 00:47:35.159 to defend. Finally, instead of being the servant 00:47:35.159 --> 00:47:38.400 leaders, the enemies twisted it around and made 00:47:38.400 --> 00:47:42.920 us be dominant and controlling. Now I just quickly 00:47:42.920 --> 00:47:49.079 end up with what I call five hindrances to... 00:47:49.360 --> 00:47:52.820 And each of these five are the things that have 00:47:52.820 --> 00:47:57.699 eroded those five pillars. The first one is an 00:47:57.699 --> 00:48:03.380 absence of trust. You see, without trust, intimacy 00:48:03.380 --> 00:48:08.420 fades. There has to be trust, unconditional trust. 00:48:08.920 --> 00:48:12.019 And that means men and women, you've got to get 00:48:12.019 --> 00:48:14.260 in the light. 1 John 1 .7 says that if you're 00:48:14.260 --> 00:48:17.000 in the light... You have perfect koinonia, perfect 00:48:17.000 --> 00:48:19.880 oneness. One in heart, one in spirit, one in 00:48:19.880 --> 00:48:22.079 purpose. And the blood of Jesus is able to cleanse 00:48:22.079 --> 00:48:24.199 every area of life. There's got to be a commitment 00:48:24.199 --> 00:48:26.599 right at the beginning that there are no secrets. 00:48:27.179 --> 00:48:29.679 Absolute truth. Completely in the light, you 00:48:29.679 --> 00:48:32.260 share everything together. Otherwise, if there's 00:48:32.260 --> 00:48:35.260 areas of no -go areas or dark areas, you will 00:48:35.260 --> 00:48:38.099 just find the intimacy will fade because there's 00:48:38.099 --> 00:48:41.280 no trust between the two of you. We've got to 00:48:41.280 --> 00:48:44.829 risk opening up. But sadly, because of our background, 00:48:44.949 --> 00:48:47.809 many of us have been wounded too much. We've 00:48:47.809 --> 00:48:51.250 been betrayed too many times. We've been lied 00:48:51.250 --> 00:48:57.190 to and abused too much to really risk it. No 00:48:57.190 --> 00:48:59.150 matter what your wound, it's worth the risk. 00:48:59.329 --> 00:49:01.969 It's worth opening up because actually it's only 00:49:01.969 --> 00:49:05.289 in the opening up that you're able to be touched 00:49:05.289 --> 00:49:10.090 and receive the love and the intimacy back and 00:49:10.090 --> 00:49:12.940 become that intimate friend again. The second 00:49:12.940 --> 00:49:15.239 thing is the fear of conflict and rejection. 00:49:16.559 --> 00:49:18.420 You see, so many people have gone through times 00:49:18.420 --> 00:49:23.099 of betrayal, been rejected, and because part 00:49:23.099 --> 00:49:25.860 of your psyche is you react and you're fearful 00:49:25.860 --> 00:49:29.239 of the impact of rejection and conflict, we end 00:49:29.239 --> 00:49:33.360 up with this artificial harmony. Again, you know 00:49:33.360 --> 00:49:35.460 the proclaiming prophet, the one who speaks out. 00:49:35.519 --> 00:49:38.860 You don't speak out. You know you hold back because 00:49:38.860 --> 00:49:41.099 you think that if you really share what you think, 00:49:41.340 --> 00:49:45.320 You'll be rejected. You'll be criticized. And 00:49:45.320 --> 00:49:48.900 so you end up with this artificial harmony between 00:49:48.900 --> 00:49:51.920 the two of you. You never really share what you're 00:49:51.920 --> 00:49:55.500 feeling deep inside. It's that deep part of you. 00:49:55.639 --> 00:49:58.139 Deep doesn't speak out anymore. It's blocked 00:49:58.139 --> 00:50:02.579 up. And hear me right here, but it is good to 00:50:02.579 --> 00:50:09.019 have a really good row. You see, conflict is 00:50:09.019 --> 00:50:13.119 creative. You've got to break the silence. You've 00:50:13.119 --> 00:50:14.780 got to be now. I'm not talking about killing 00:50:14.780 --> 00:50:18.719 each other I'm talking about expressing what 00:50:18.719 --> 00:50:21.980 you're feeling inside if you don't open it up 00:50:21.980 --> 00:50:24.860 and share They never you know they never come 00:50:24.860 --> 00:50:28.199 to understand. What is going on inside? There's 00:50:28.199 --> 00:50:30.840 a cap on it. It's block you have this artificial 00:50:30.840 --> 00:50:34.139 harmony artificial piece That is not marriage 00:50:34.780 --> 00:50:37.059 There's got to be a sense that you're able to 00:50:37.059 --> 00:50:40.800 really have a rough and tumble of trying to get 00:50:40.800 --> 00:50:42.940 each other to see through each other's spectacles. 00:50:43.039 --> 00:50:44.760 Because when you see through their perspective, 00:50:45.199 --> 00:50:47.900 you begin to think, whoa, I begin to see now. 00:50:48.139 --> 00:50:49.940 And you see from each other's perspective, and 00:50:49.940 --> 00:50:53.679 slowly you get to a place of real harmony, real 00:50:53.679 --> 00:50:58.360 living oneness, real cardinonia. But if you're 00:50:58.360 --> 00:51:01.079 always frightened of being rejected, you'll never 00:51:01.079 --> 00:51:04.250 do that. You've got to be willing. to give each 00:51:04.250 --> 00:51:09.829 other license to share deeply. The third area 00:51:09.829 --> 00:51:14.829 is then a lack of real covenant commitment. I 00:51:14.829 --> 00:51:17.789 know we believe in that, but actually deep inside 00:51:17.789 --> 00:51:22.150 sometimes we're not totally given. If there is 00:51:22.150 --> 00:51:25.590 not a leaving, then there is no cleaving. And 00:51:25.590 --> 00:51:28.389 some men find it difficult, even some women find 00:51:28.389 --> 00:51:31.869 it difficult, to leave. You find some men who 00:51:31.869 --> 00:51:35.780 are still clinging to their mother or to their 00:51:35.780 --> 00:51:39.280 parents, even to some fantasy of an old flame, 00:51:39.840 --> 00:51:42.480 and some women who are still so clinging to their 00:51:42.480 --> 00:51:46.320 mother. So when there is no leaving, there's 00:51:46.320 --> 00:51:49.059 no cleaving. There has to be a leaving of every 00:51:49.059 --> 00:51:52.139 other relationship. There has to be a sense of 00:51:52.139 --> 00:51:55.940 total commitment, total dedication together. 00:51:56.280 --> 00:51:59.699 Given, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, 00:52:00.000 --> 00:52:04.530 you've got to come in to have that oneness. And 00:52:04.530 --> 00:52:06.869 you begin to discover that you're not completely 00:52:06.869 --> 00:52:10.050 together when you are always talking about you 00:52:10.050 --> 00:52:14.070 and, you know, you always do this. And your language 00:52:14.070 --> 00:52:18.349 is always about you and me rather than us. When 00:52:18.349 --> 00:52:21.610 you retrain the way you speak, you develop a 00:52:21.610 --> 00:52:25.650 language of usness. You know, it's wonderful 00:52:25.650 --> 00:52:27.489 when there is no longer a sense of my gender 00:52:27.489 --> 00:52:30.090 and your gender, my rights, your rights, a sense 00:52:30.090 --> 00:52:32.460 that there's us. And I love the wedding ceremony. 00:52:32.500 --> 00:52:33.860 In fact, I've encouraged many of our couples 00:52:33.860 --> 00:52:36.840 to do it in our church now. It's one which comes 00:52:36.840 --> 00:52:41.260 from Portugal where both couples carry a candle, 00:52:41.539 --> 00:52:45.639 a lit candle to the altar and they light one 00:52:45.639 --> 00:52:49.900 big new candle and then they blow their candle 00:52:49.900 --> 00:52:53.400 out. Now, if you don't blow your candle out in 00:52:53.400 --> 00:52:58.159 marriage, it's big trouble. If you don't come 00:52:58.159 --> 00:53:01.960 to the end of me, my rights, It's big trouble 00:53:01.960 --> 00:53:04.800 because really marriage is about Gordon dying, 00:53:05.559 --> 00:53:08.519 Rachel dying, and a new creation, Gordon and 00:53:08.519 --> 00:53:11.480 Rachel. And until there's that language of us, 00:53:11.860 --> 00:53:14.139 the new creation, there is no harmony, there's 00:53:14.139 --> 00:53:16.880 no oneness. It's always about fighting my pitch, 00:53:17.340 --> 00:53:20.119 fighting my place. You've got to die to your 00:53:20.119 --> 00:53:23.349 rights and come in together to be that one. It's 00:53:23.349 --> 00:53:25.849 total commitment to the cause. And you see, once 00:53:25.849 --> 00:53:27.889 you've committed yourself to that cause of total 00:53:27.889 --> 00:53:30.130 reconciliation, then you begin to go out from 00:53:30.130 --> 00:53:32.690 that to a place where you're reconciled. You're 00:53:32.690 --> 00:53:35.510 able to reconcile in the community and in the 00:53:35.510 --> 00:53:40.989 world. The fourth area of dysfunction is the 00:53:40.989 --> 00:53:43.230 whole area of independence. I told you how independent 00:53:43.230 --> 00:53:45.630 I was and how proud I was. But the whole area 00:53:45.630 --> 00:53:50.429 of independence and pride. And you see, this 00:53:50.429 --> 00:53:54.429 makes the defending warrior the one who is constantly, 00:53:54.469 --> 00:53:56.869 because of pride and independence, battling against 00:53:56.869 --> 00:54:00.730 you. And you end up with anger, you end up with 00:54:00.730 --> 00:54:02.969 each other getting offended, getting locked up. 00:54:04.050 --> 00:54:08.289 Now, in my marriage, I am a very persistent person. 00:54:08.590 --> 00:54:11.590 Rachel calls it stubbornness. I call it persistent. 00:54:13.309 --> 00:54:16.389 Now, that's my background. I'm a very persistent, 00:54:16.869 --> 00:54:19.949 single -track person. But you can't live with 00:54:19.949 --> 00:54:22.849 that stubborn thing of I'm right. Because you 00:54:22.849 --> 00:54:25.090 see, the truth is that men and women look through 00:54:25.090 --> 00:54:27.250 life through different spectacles. I look at 00:54:27.250 --> 00:54:29.750 life through my spectacles, and this is what 00:54:29.750 --> 00:54:32.090 I describe as happening. Rachel looks through 00:54:32.090 --> 00:54:34.889 her spectacles, and she knows she's right. This 00:54:34.889 --> 00:54:37.590 is what is happening. And you very soon discover 00:54:37.590 --> 00:54:41.909 that you're both seeing different things. And 00:54:41.909 --> 00:54:44.030 you know that you're right according to what 00:54:44.030 --> 00:54:46.849 you see, but they also know that they are right 00:54:46.849 --> 00:54:51.840 according to what they see. A long time ago learned 00:54:51.840 --> 00:54:54.519 that it's better to be reconciled than to be 00:54:54.519 --> 00:54:58.340 right. If you stand on your rights, according 00:54:58.340 --> 00:55:00.239 to what you see through your spectacles, you 00:55:00.239 --> 00:55:04.119 will stay divided forever. You've got to be reconciled. 00:55:04.179 --> 00:55:06.300 And when there's a division of what you see and 00:55:06.300 --> 00:55:08.559 a dispute about the way you see things, just 00:55:08.559 --> 00:55:10.900 join hands together and just face away from each 00:55:10.900 --> 00:55:14.670 other and just declare God's presence. in that 00:55:14.670 --> 00:55:17.590 room and begin to start hammering down that wall 00:55:17.590 --> 00:55:20.150 that's between you. And you'll begin to find 00:55:20.150 --> 00:55:23.949 that God comes. You have to give up your independence, 00:55:24.170 --> 00:55:27.170 have to give up your pride. You've got to practice 00:55:27.170 --> 00:55:32.409 those famous words, darling, I was wrong. Should 00:55:32.409 --> 00:55:33.929 we practice that to each other? Look at your 00:55:33.929 --> 00:55:40.090 spouse and say, darling, I was wrong. Now you've 00:55:40.090 --> 00:55:42.130 also got to be willing to practice those other 00:55:42.130 --> 00:55:46.170 words. Come on, you've got to practice the other 00:55:46.170 --> 00:55:51.489 word is darling. I forgive you Now look at them 00:55:51.489 --> 00:55:58.989 darling. I forgive you Now you've got a choice 00:55:58.989 --> 00:56:03.789 If you stand in your pride Then you end up one 00:56:03.789 --> 00:56:06.369 Peter says you end up fighting God if you end 00:56:06.369 --> 00:56:09.909 up humbling yourself you begin to get grace finally 00:56:09.909 --> 00:56:13.679 the lack of mutual submission Now hear me in 00:56:13.679 --> 00:56:17.159 this. That passage I read to you was, submit 00:56:17.159 --> 00:56:20.960 to one another out of reverence for Christ. It 00:56:20.960 --> 00:56:24.360 is not wives submitting to their husbands. It's 00:56:24.360 --> 00:56:27.780 submit to one another. Now when there's a lack 00:56:27.780 --> 00:56:30.679 of mutual submission one to the other, a lack 00:56:30.679 --> 00:56:34.260 of each of you serving each other, then you end 00:56:34.260 --> 00:56:36.599 up with a hierarchy. Now we were never called 00:56:36.599 --> 00:56:42.239 to be hierarchical. You know, in the Godhead, 00:56:42.429 --> 00:56:45.789 Jesus is absolutely co -equal with the Father, 00:56:46.110 --> 00:56:50.809 but He chooses to submit to the Father. He chooses 00:56:50.809 --> 00:56:54.329 to submit to the Father. Exactly the same in 00:56:54.329 --> 00:56:57.349 a love relationship. There is a divine order 00:56:57.349 --> 00:57:01.630 of love and respect of husband and wife. The 00:57:01.630 --> 00:57:03.869 husband lays his life down and earns the right 00:57:03.869 --> 00:57:06.710 to be the head, and the wife chooses to respect. 00:57:07.030 --> 00:57:11.289 Now hear me on this. God even calls you to respect 00:57:11.289 --> 00:57:16.250 people that do not deserve to be respected because 00:57:16.250 --> 00:57:20.190 The Bible says so because actually when you respect 00:57:20.190 --> 00:57:23.570 somebody who knows they don't deserve to be respected 00:57:23.570 --> 00:57:28.130 They grow into what you see of them Because as 00:57:28.130 --> 00:57:31.150 you respect them they begin to think whoa I don't 00:57:31.150 --> 00:57:33.750 deserve that I need to I need to earn that and 00:57:33.750 --> 00:57:36.369 they change But you see that is what respect 00:57:36.369 --> 00:57:38.730 does it gives you space to breathe and change 00:57:39.570 --> 00:57:44.789 Criticism tears down the head. We've got to be 00:57:44.789 --> 00:57:47.170 accountable to each other. Then we grow, we change. 00:57:47.690 --> 00:57:50.530 We mustn't crush and control each other. We've 00:57:50.530 --> 00:57:52.769 got to use our words to fill each other's tanks, 00:57:53.090 --> 00:57:55.449 to build each other up, not destroy each other. 00:57:56.090 --> 00:57:59.090 Now, Rachel taught me this, but only two whole 00:57:59.090 --> 00:58:02.429 people can make a whole marriage. So many of 00:58:02.429 --> 00:58:05.420 us come into marriage with deep wounds. And then 00:58:05.420 --> 00:58:08.539 we end up hiding behind defense mechanisms, fear 00:58:08.539 --> 00:58:12.300 mechanisms. But there's no hiding behind strongholds. 00:58:12.420 --> 00:58:14.400 You've got to deal with every stronghold, and 00:58:14.400 --> 00:58:16.880 you've got to make your marriage a safe place 00:58:16.880 --> 00:58:20.460 where every stronghold is dealt with so that 00:58:20.460 --> 00:58:22.940 you heal the woundedness, you heal the diseased 00:58:22.940 --> 00:58:27.599 hearts. And you need to know how desperate God 00:58:27.599 --> 00:58:31.360 is to reconcile. As a church, normally we criticize 00:58:31.360 --> 00:58:35.719 people who get divided. separated divorced God 00:58:35.719 --> 00:58:40.380 is desperate desperate to reconcile and I'll 00:58:40.380 --> 00:58:41.760 let Rachel share this story because it's her 00:58:41.760 --> 00:58:46.239 story but about Dudley do you want to come and 00:58:46.239 --> 00:58:48.320 share that darling and then maybe you can just 00:58:48.320 --> 00:59:07.030 take it from here No, it's just I've lost one 00:59:07.030 --> 00:59:10.710 of his pillars because he's muddled the order 00:59:10.710 --> 00:59:32.940 seven He'd shuffle the order I'm not Now you 00:59:32.940 --> 00:59:37.159 know why I'm spoiled because I'm always right 00:59:37.159 --> 00:59:52.420 I Can feel all the men going But Gordon asked 00:59:52.420 --> 00:59:55.280 me to share this story of I'm Dudley and I'm 00:59:55.280 --> 00:59:57.780 not sure if I haven't already shared this story 00:59:57.780 --> 01:00:01.349 here But it's just the story of the incredible 01:00:01.349 --> 01:00:06.510 redeeming heart of God for marriage. And it was 01:00:06.510 --> 01:00:09.510 when I was up in Dudley speaking on spiritual 01:00:09.510 --> 01:00:11.510 warfare, did I share the story about the two 01:00:11.510 --> 01:00:13.789 people from Peterborough? Have I shared that? 01:00:13.789 --> 01:00:17.320 Okay, I haven't then. And I was up there for 01:00:17.320 --> 01:00:20.820 doing a three or four day conference on strategic 01:00:20.820 --> 01:00:23.019 spiritual warfare for pastors. There was about 01:00:23.019 --> 01:00:25.659 500 and something pastors registered. We'd done 01:00:25.659 --> 01:00:28.079 the Thursday and done the Friday. And the Saturday 01:00:28.079 --> 01:00:30.019 was the big open day of the conference and they 01:00:30.019 --> 01:00:33.340 were expecting over a thousand people. And they 01:00:33.340 --> 01:00:35.500 got it sort of all advertised that this was going 01:00:35.500 --> 01:00:39.179 to be strategic spiritual warfare to change cities. 01:00:39.599 --> 01:00:42.019 So I wake up nine o 'clock in the morning and 01:00:42.019 --> 01:00:46.280 I had... four sessions that day. And as I walked 01:00:46.280 --> 01:00:49.119 in, the young guy who was on the sort of media 01:00:49.119 --> 01:00:51.619 booth, he said, have you got your titles? Because 01:00:51.619 --> 01:00:54.019 I only had them for Thursday and Friday. And 01:00:54.019 --> 01:00:55.420 I said, oh, didn't I give you Saturday? He said, 01:00:55.460 --> 01:00:57.960 well, no, it wasn't on the sheet. And I thought, 01:00:58.179 --> 01:01:00.849 oh. because you see that morning as I'd woken 01:01:00.849 --> 01:01:03.610 up God said to me I want you to speak a marriage 01:01:03.610 --> 01:01:06.369 and I'm thinking God I've got five hundred something 01:01:06.369 --> 01:01:09.489 pastors registered I've got over a thousand people 01:01:09.489 --> 01:01:12.389 all coming for strategic spiritual warfare to 01:01:12.389 --> 01:01:14.849 change your city and you're saying talk a marriage 01:01:14.849 --> 01:01:17.110 you know I don't talk a marriage if Gordon's 01:01:17.110 --> 01:01:21.289 not around you see God had to break that paradigm 01:01:21.289 --> 01:01:23.969 and I started with you without him but I said 01:01:23.969 --> 01:01:26.980 I just don't do that and he said um I'm asking 01:01:26.980 --> 01:01:29.300 you to talk a marriage. So I get my stuff together 01:01:29.300 --> 01:01:31.960 which I had and it's like nothing flowed. And 01:01:31.960 --> 01:01:34.159 at nine o 'clock, and I've got to be there 9 01:01:34.159 --> 01:01:36.639 .30, I'm still fussing. I've had no breakfast, 01:01:36.780 --> 01:01:39.179 I've hardly shat, I'm still resting with God. 01:01:39.440 --> 01:01:42.340 I'm thinking, oh no God, I really don't want 01:01:42.340 --> 01:01:44.400 to do it. He said, I want you to talk a marriage. 01:01:44.860 --> 01:01:47.860 So I walk into the booth and the guy says, well 01:01:47.860 --> 01:01:49.320 what's it? And I said, well it's going to be 01:01:49.320 --> 01:01:52.780 marriage. He said, that's a new view on spiritual 01:01:52.780 --> 01:01:55.639 warfare. And I said, I know, don't talk about 01:01:55.639 --> 01:01:59.909 it. So I set up, so he said, well, what's the 01:01:59.909 --> 01:02:02.050 sessions? I said, marriage one, marriage two, 01:02:02.349 --> 01:02:07.090 marriage three, marriage four. And so I start 01:02:07.090 --> 01:02:10.610 and I do this session on marriage, first and 01:02:10.610 --> 01:02:13.010 second. I taught some of the stuff I taught on 01:02:13.010 --> 01:02:14.929 the battle of the marriage bed, of breaking open 01:02:14.929 --> 01:02:17.889 the veil, of having that real interview. And 01:02:17.889 --> 01:02:21.670 then after lunch, I just said, look. After lunch, 01:02:21.809 --> 01:02:23.929 we're going to have a purity night. We're really 01:02:23.929 --> 01:02:26.329 going to ask God to come. Please don't go away 01:02:26.329 --> 01:02:27.690 at lunch time. We're going to come and deal with 01:02:27.690 --> 01:02:29.050 this stuff. That's when we're going to process 01:02:29.050 --> 01:02:31.610 it and have ministry time. Well, as the ministry 01:02:31.610 --> 01:02:34.570 time came, there was this man standing here. 01:02:35.070 --> 01:02:37.190 And I took the senior pastor and I just said, 01:02:37.309 --> 01:02:38.889 excuse me, would you just come and pray with 01:02:38.889 --> 01:02:41.909 me? I really feel this man was deeply something. 01:02:41.949 --> 01:02:44.739 We need to pray for this man. And there was this, 01:02:44.820 --> 01:02:47.039 as I prayed for me, he said, I'm David, I come 01:02:47.039 --> 01:02:50.300 from Peterborough. Now that's about 350 miles 01:02:50.300 --> 01:02:52.920 away on the East Coast from where Dudley is. 01:02:53.280 --> 01:02:57.300 And I'm thinking, why in the world are you here 01:02:57.300 --> 01:03:00.260 on a Saturday morning for strategic, you know, 01:03:00.360 --> 01:03:02.420 what made that? He said, why are you here today? 01:03:02.760 --> 01:03:04.659 He said, God woke me up at four o 'clock in the 01:03:04.659 --> 01:03:07.039 morning. He said, I haven't been in church for 01:03:07.039 --> 01:03:09.599 over two and a half years. I was a senior elder 01:03:09.599 --> 01:03:11.960 for the church in the Peterborough area, but 01:03:11.960 --> 01:03:15.750 I got into adultery. got out the church, haven't 01:03:15.750 --> 01:03:17.989 been in church since, and have been through a 01:03:17.989 --> 01:03:21.989 really deep depression time. But, this morning 01:03:21.989 --> 01:03:25.730 I thought I need a happy Saturday. And I remembered 01:03:25.730 --> 01:03:29.070 Dudley... was the place my mother -in -law lived. 01:03:29.349 --> 01:03:31.809 And I used to come up here with my wife regularly, 01:03:32.110 --> 01:03:34.809 and it has a great market town and places to 01:03:34.809 --> 01:03:37.190 visit and cute cafes and that. And so it was 01:03:37.190 --> 01:03:38.670 such a great day. I thought, I'm going to go 01:03:38.670 --> 01:03:40.650 to Dudley. I've got so many happy memories of 01:03:40.650 --> 01:03:42.550 places to hang out. I'm going to go have a day 01:03:42.550 --> 01:03:45.170 at Dudley. As soon as I got here and parked the 01:03:45.170 --> 01:03:48.070 car, the heavens opened. It poured with rain. 01:03:48.429 --> 01:03:50.469 All the market cleared up. You couldn't be outside. 01:03:50.530 --> 01:03:52.670 So I thought, oh great, what do I do now? And 01:03:52.670 --> 01:03:55.150 as I was walking back to my car, I saw the big 01:03:55.150 --> 01:03:57.710 poster saying, Rachel Hickson in town and such 01:03:57.710 --> 01:04:00.070 and such. And she said, he said, I remembered 01:04:00.070 --> 01:04:02.550 you were the last person I really heard preach 01:04:02.550 --> 01:04:05.630 and impacted me before everything went pear shaped 01:04:05.630 --> 01:04:09.289 and I lost my marriage. And I thought, nobody 01:04:09.289 --> 01:04:12.750 knows what I've done here. Maybe I could come 01:04:12.750 --> 01:04:16.489 in and find God again. So I came and you stand 01:04:16.489 --> 01:04:19.690 up and talk of marriage. He said, I thought I 01:04:19.690 --> 01:04:23.460 was safe on city taking. He said, God so dealt 01:04:23.460 --> 01:04:26.300 with me. Help me. I blew my marriage, blew my 01:04:26.300 --> 01:04:29.460 covenant, broke everything. Help me. We just 01:04:29.460 --> 01:04:31.860 ministered and prayed to him. God fell upon him. 01:04:32.300 --> 01:04:34.679 Then, I mean, there were literally hundreds of 01:04:34.679 --> 01:04:36.820 people had come forward. And I remember I walked 01:04:36.820 --> 01:04:39.219 over this side and I saw this woman back against 01:04:39.219 --> 01:04:41.780 the wall here and I began to pray for her. And 01:04:41.780 --> 01:04:44.480 I said, what's happened to you? She said I've 01:04:44.480 --> 01:04:48.800 been so self -righteous, so self -important because 01:04:48.800 --> 01:04:51.039 about two and a half years ago my marriage broke 01:04:51.039 --> 01:04:52.980 up. I was married to one of the senior elders 01:04:52.980 --> 01:04:56.800 of a church and I've always thought it was his 01:04:56.800 --> 01:05:00.380 fault that he was wrong and today God's nailed 01:05:00.380 --> 01:05:05.260 me and I just realized that I am in a mess and 01:05:05.260 --> 01:05:09.440 I need help. And I don't know what to do or how 01:05:09.440 --> 01:05:11.519 to make it right or what should be the way. And 01:05:11.519 --> 01:05:13.280 I said, well, sweetheart, could you just come? 01:05:13.280 --> 01:05:18.000 Walk right up the front. And could you look right 01:05:18.000 --> 01:05:20.760 across there and see if you recognize this? Oh 01:05:20.760 --> 01:05:26.179 my goodness, that's David. So we prayed for her 01:05:26.179 --> 01:05:28.699 and I said excuse me. Can I just ask you? Why 01:05:28.699 --> 01:05:31.420 are you in Dudley today? She said yeah, I live 01:05:31.420 --> 01:05:33.860 in Peterborough still live there three now But 01:05:33.860 --> 01:05:36.559 she said I made an arrangement to see my mother 01:05:36.559 --> 01:05:40.280 today to take her out So I arrived here and came 01:05:40.280 --> 01:05:42.539 to our home and as I knocked on her door the 01:05:42.539 --> 01:05:46.179 neighbor said oh no Dorothy's gone out on a bus 01:05:46.179 --> 01:05:47.780 tour with all the old people. She said she'd 01:05:47.780 --> 01:05:54.079 be back at four She said I was so furious that 01:05:54.079 --> 01:05:57.920 my mother had forgotten I've driven all the way 01:05:57.920 --> 01:06:00.619 got up at four o 'clock in the morning to come 01:06:00.619 --> 01:06:02.980 and take her out for a day and she's gone off 01:06:02.980 --> 01:06:04.940 with all her old people on the bus and says oh 01:06:04.940 --> 01:06:09.420 I'll be back at four for tea so she said I was 01:06:09.420 --> 01:06:12.179 so angry that I was driving home and I then I 01:06:12.179 --> 01:06:16.199 thought oh Rachel Hickson that's the last person 01:06:16.199 --> 01:06:19.780 you remember how does God do that Anyway, we 01:06:19.780 --> 01:06:22.019 prayed for them, we saw them come through. But 01:06:22.019 --> 01:06:25.579 listen to this. They have a daughter called Sandra. 01:06:26.619 --> 01:06:30.420 And at this exact time, Sandra was in New York 01:06:30.420 --> 01:06:33.599 working with Bill Wilson's ministry. It just 01:06:33.599 --> 01:06:36.760 happened that she was sharing a room with a girl 01:06:36.760 --> 01:06:40.539 called Heather, Hedy, who was one of our congregation 01:06:40.539 --> 01:06:44.059 from our St. Albans churches. And when they had 01:06:44.059 --> 01:06:48.980 got together in September, and had come together 01:06:48.980 --> 01:06:51.840 as interns for six months and sharing a room. 01:06:51.949 --> 01:06:55.590 They began to talk and share and Sandra had shared 01:06:55.590 --> 01:06:58.550 the devastation of and the humiliation of her 01:06:58.550 --> 01:07:01.610 parents Ministry marriage breaking up that they 01:07:01.610 --> 01:07:04.530 were separated and they've got this three months 01:07:04.530 --> 01:07:06.809 ago sharing a room and she just kept saying the 01:07:06.809 --> 01:07:08.929 more I work with these kids on the streets the 01:07:08.929 --> 01:07:11.829 more God's putting a Passionate me that someone's 01:07:11.829 --> 01:07:14.429 got to do something to stop marriage is breaking 01:07:14.429 --> 01:07:17.449 We've got to reverse the curse. So how do you 01:07:17.449 --> 01:07:19.750 go from our churches? Well, we need to pray and 01:07:19.750 --> 01:07:22.730 fast. Why don't we do it? 21 -day prayer and 01:07:22.730 --> 01:07:25.210 fasting for your parents' marriage. Come on, 01:07:25.309 --> 01:07:29.269 Sandra, what do you want to see? So they wrote 01:07:29.269 --> 01:07:33.250 down the dream, and the dream was that by Christmastime, 01:07:33.449 --> 01:07:36.150 Sandra would come home from New York, and they 01:07:36.150 --> 01:07:38.789 would be able to sit around the Christmas table 01:07:38.789 --> 01:07:41.869 with mom, dad, and all the kids, and they would 01:07:41.869 --> 01:07:44.630 be able to renew their vows and say sorry, and 01:07:44.630 --> 01:07:48.210 the marriage would be healed. So they're praying 01:07:48.210 --> 01:07:55.280 and fasting in New York. The 21st day of their 01:07:55.280 --> 01:08:00.460 fast is Saturday October whatever it was I'm 01:08:00.460 --> 01:08:03.440 in Dudley getting up to preach on strategic being 01:08:03.440 --> 01:08:07.659 and God literally shakes me marriage marriage 01:08:07.659 --> 01:08:13.260 marriage wakes up two people 350 miles away makes 01:08:13.260 --> 01:08:18.180 a man think of a mother -in -law And says you've 01:08:18.180 --> 01:08:24.770 got to go up to Dudley makes the wife think they 01:08:24.770 --> 01:08:27.529 drive all the way. God totally does the marriage 01:08:27.529 --> 01:08:31.210 and on December the 22nd or 21st I think it was 01:08:31.210 --> 01:08:34.489 they renewed their vows back in the church and 01:08:34.489 --> 01:08:38.010 on Christmas Day Sandra sat round the Christmas 01:08:38.010 --> 01:08:42.550 family table with everything healed whole for 01:08:42.550 --> 01:08:56.630 the glory of God. There's no one like God. Absolutely 01:08:56.630 --> 01:09:00.810 no one like God. Literally he moves nations. 01:09:03.649 --> 01:09:07.390 Because this is time. I just want to say one 01:09:07.390 --> 01:09:09.850 thing because Gordon's really spoken to the men. 01:09:10.670 --> 01:09:13.489 If we read that Ephesians five passages, really 01:09:13.489 --> 01:09:18.949 interesting ladies. Never are we commanded to 01:09:18.949 --> 01:09:22.250 love our husbands. I don't know if you've noticed 01:09:22.250 --> 01:09:26.930 that, but what we are commanded to do is respect. 01:09:28.550 --> 01:09:32.750 Why? I think men are commanded, actually, love 01:09:32.750 --> 01:09:35.989 your wife. It's actually not an option, it's 01:09:35.989 --> 01:09:38.430 a command. Why? Because there's something from 01:09:38.430 --> 01:09:42.710 a woman that naturally responds with love. Because 01:09:42.710 --> 01:09:46.130 of the very thing that Gordon said, Adam was 01:09:46.130 --> 01:09:48.609 created for the function to work, to steward 01:09:48.609 --> 01:09:53.520 the garden. So there is something in the destiny 01:09:53.520 --> 01:09:58.680 of a man that's created for function Woman was 01:09:58.680 --> 01:10:04.409 created to come alongside man and break the independence 01:10:04.409 --> 01:10:07.609 because it remember God created women specifically 01:10:07.609 --> 01:10:10.430 for relation because he looked at Adam and so 01:10:10.430 --> 01:10:15.829 it is not good for Adam to be alone so he created 01:10:15.829 --> 01:10:19.869 Eve to be his parapetis his helper the one to 01:10:19.869 --> 01:10:24.449 come aside so woman was created to be a completer 01:10:24.449 --> 01:10:27.649 to be a helper the one alongside do you get what 01:10:27.649 --> 01:10:33.750 we're saying here so the most detrimental Pain 01:10:33.750 --> 01:10:38.130 to a woman is to not love her and affirm and 01:10:38.130 --> 01:10:41.050 appreciate because her very essence of being 01:10:41.050 --> 01:10:44.689 From the file was created to be a helper to be 01:10:44.689 --> 01:10:48.930 a support to come alongside and so We don't need 01:10:48.930 --> 01:10:51.529 to be commanded to love. It's an instinctive 01:10:51.529 --> 01:10:54.750 response If you pastor, how many men would agree 01:10:54.750 --> 01:10:57.329 with me? When you pastor abusive situations, 01:10:57.590 --> 01:11:00.569 I'm staggered again and again at the love a woman 01:11:00.569 --> 01:11:03.170 will give even to an abusive father, abusive 01:11:03.170 --> 01:11:05.890 husband, the loyalty that... How many would say 01:11:05.890 --> 01:11:08.130 that it's different when you counsel a man or 01:11:08.130 --> 01:11:10.149 a woman? Because there is something very created 01:11:10.149 --> 01:11:14.029 in there. Actually, what is not so instinctive 01:11:14.029 --> 01:11:17.449 in a woman is to respect the function of work. 01:11:19.439 --> 01:11:22.220 Women, it really does our heads in sometimes. 01:11:22.479 --> 01:11:25.699 We think, what is your issue? Why are you working, 01:11:25.920 --> 01:11:29.159 working? Give it a break. Turn that stupid cell 01:11:29.159 --> 01:11:31.859 phone off. Chuck the computer out the women. 01:11:32.260 --> 01:11:39.079 Talk, boy, talk. Of course we don't say that, 01:11:39.319 --> 01:11:48.869 do we? That comes from the heart. Because you 01:11:48.869 --> 01:11:52.229 see, for a woman's rationale to be so function 01:11:52.229 --> 01:11:59.210 -orientated is strange. Where for us to be relationship 01:11:59.210 --> 01:12:03.100 -orientated is normal. Now we've got to understand 01:12:03.100 --> 01:12:06.539 women, but just as that is so devastating when 01:12:06.539 --> 01:12:09.239 we don't hear the love, tenderness, atmosphere, 01:12:09.340 --> 01:12:12.640 because it's so much out of sound. When we disrespect, 01:12:12.739 --> 01:12:16.340 it says, now women you must respect your husband. 01:12:16.659 --> 01:12:19.060 And that word respect is to give honor and position 01:12:19.060 --> 01:12:21.079 in place. And it's actually to do with their 01:12:21.079 --> 01:12:24.810 function. So do you get what I'm saying the love 01:12:24.810 --> 01:12:27.329 language thing because Gordon said early on in 01:12:27.329 --> 01:12:30.329 our marriage I know you love me, but I must know 01:12:30.329 --> 01:12:35.739 you respect me I need to know you trust me. That's 01:12:35.739 --> 01:12:37.880 another way we lose. How many of you men identify 01:12:37.880 --> 01:12:39.579 with that? I need to know respect and trust. 01:12:39.800 --> 01:12:41.939 I need to know you're going to let me go. That 01:12:41.939 --> 01:12:44.779 you actually respect and trust. So the whole 01:12:44.779 --> 01:12:47.640 women's issue stuff, when we begin to tear down 01:12:47.640 --> 01:12:51.680 the respect and trust thing, that is so detrimental 01:12:51.680 --> 01:12:55.539 to men. And that's why feminism is such a killer. 01:12:55.800 --> 01:12:59.399 Because it takes men out of their role. Because 01:12:59.399 --> 01:13:03.109 men were created for a role. That isn't who they 01:13:03.109 --> 01:13:06.729 are, but there is a satisfaction. I love watching 01:13:06.729 --> 01:13:09.449 men really putting shoulder to shoulder and getting 01:13:09.449 --> 01:13:11.489 work done together. There is something when men 01:13:11.489 --> 01:13:13.430 do that which is totally different when girls 01:13:13.430 --> 01:13:17.250 do it together. There's something about men putting 01:13:17.250 --> 01:13:18.489 shoulder to shoulder and getting a job done. 01:13:18.489 --> 01:13:21.390 I love watching you guys just work and the way 01:13:21.390 --> 01:13:23.689 you serve the women's conference. There is a 01:13:23.689 --> 01:13:25.689 camaraderie, there's a teamwork, there's an accent, 01:13:25.909 --> 01:13:28.170 and yeah, there's stuff. But you know, you get 01:13:28.170 --> 01:13:29.810 the boys out in the yard. Come on, we're gonna 01:13:29.810 --> 01:13:32.250 throw this shit up. to build this up. There's 01:13:32.250 --> 01:13:34.829 something in the way that men do that, fellowship, 01:13:35.130 --> 01:13:37.550 relate, connect, which is different from... But 01:13:37.550 --> 01:13:40.949 if you disrespect and tear that down all the 01:13:40.949 --> 01:13:42.829 time and erode it, well, what are you doing in 01:13:42.829 --> 01:13:45.329 the work anyway? It's not worth that much. That 01:13:45.329 --> 01:13:48.289 is killing them as much as to us. It would be 01:13:48.289 --> 01:13:51.260 saying, well, I don't really love you. You're 01:13:51.260 --> 01:13:53.640 not really that special there's can you can you 01:13:53.640 --> 01:13:56.479 understand and I think for us women we've got 01:13:56.479 --> 01:14:00.399 in our environment of 21st century where work 01:14:00.399 --> 01:14:03.939 has become so strong there's a they can often 01:14:03.939 --> 01:14:07.000 become a bitterness in women towards the workplace 01:14:07.000 --> 01:14:11.039 which then creates a language of disrespect and 01:14:11.039 --> 01:14:15.140 dishonor and Devaluing what they do in their 01:14:15.140 --> 01:14:18.159 function, which is as detrimental in the marriage 01:14:18.159 --> 01:14:20.600 as the guy as your husband coming home and say, 01:14:20.659 --> 01:14:26.659 well, I'm not really sure I love you today. And 01:14:26.659 --> 01:14:29.720 so we've got to break those curse languages and 01:14:29.720 --> 01:14:32.020 really do it. And it's not that we worship their 01:14:32.020 --> 01:14:34.239 workplace, but we help them understand their 01:14:34.239 --> 01:14:37.039 language, because so much of their headship expression 01:14:37.039 --> 01:14:41.189 comes out of a job done. And of course, it's 01:14:41.189 --> 01:14:43.810 who they are. But part of who they are is expressed 01:14:43.810 --> 01:14:46.590 through their hands and what they do in a very 01:14:46.590 --> 01:14:48.590 different way than it is with women. And I've 01:14:48.590 --> 01:14:50.670 understood that more and more. Because I wrestled 01:14:50.670 --> 01:14:52.970 with it. I thought, why does the Bible command 01:14:52.970 --> 01:14:57.010 a man to laugh and command a woman to respect 01:14:57.010 --> 01:15:00.449 and submit? And I've traced it. And of course 01:15:00.449 --> 01:15:03.390 the essence is there that in response, as responders, 01:15:03.550 --> 01:15:05.869 we laugh. We're not told not to laugh. But you 01:15:05.869 --> 01:15:07.869 understand what I mean. We're actually commanded 01:15:07.869 --> 01:15:10.670 respect, because that's not an instinctive response. 01:15:12.510 --> 01:15:15.890 And so we need those graces. We need to respect. 01:15:16.050 --> 01:15:18.810 Amen? Well, why don't we come and just pray. 01:15:25.390 --> 01:15:27.970 If you are interested in hearing other podcasts 01:15:27.970 --> 01:15:32.670 or contacting Life Bible Church, go to www .lifebiblechurch 01:15:32.670 --> 01:15:37.550 .org or call us at 541 -995 -8282.