WEBVTT 00:00:04.370 --> 00:00:18.789 One More Short Story Hello and welcome to another 00:00:18.789 --> 00:00:22.250 episode of One More Short Story with me, Chris 00:00:22.250 --> 00:00:25.190 Falwell. Thank you for joining us for episode 00:00:25.190 --> 00:00:29.170 7. Now, we've got a really good mixed bag of 00:00:29.170 --> 00:00:32.869 stories today. I've grouped these under the theme 00:00:32.869 --> 00:00:38.590 of... Love, but not as we know it. And yeah, 00:00:38.710 --> 00:00:41.130 all three stories take on love in a different 00:00:41.130 --> 00:00:44.049 way. I think you're going to enjoy them. I know 00:00:44.049 --> 00:00:48.210 I certainly have. We will dive straight on in 00:00:48.210 --> 00:00:53.990 with a story by Laura Cody. And the story's title 00:00:53.990 --> 00:00:58.390 is The Gold Digger and the Malignant Narcissist, 00:00:58.390 --> 00:01:04.189 a love story, brackets, sort of. This was back 00:01:04.189 --> 00:01:09.769 in the Winter Battle of 2024, I believe. It's 00:01:09.769 --> 00:01:12.370 a while now, but it's worth the wait. It was 00:01:12.370 --> 00:01:15.530 in the enemies to lovers genre, with the character 00:01:15.530 --> 00:01:18.769 of the girl next door and the item prompt being 00:01:18.769 --> 00:01:22.510 a shovel. Now, Laura's been kind enough to let 00:01:22.510 --> 00:01:25.709 me read this one. I very much enjoyed it. And 00:01:25.709 --> 00:01:28.969 I shall stop. yammering away and let you enjoy 00:01:28.969 --> 00:01:32.109 so here is the gold digger and the malignant 00:01:32.109 --> 00:01:36.250 narcissist a love story brackets sort of by laura 00:01:36.250 --> 00:01:41.769 cody once upon a time a single man named preston 00:01:41.769 --> 00:01:45.450 lived alone in a huge mansion on a quiet cul 00:01:45.450 --> 00:01:48.849 -de -sac preston was a successful investment 00:01:48.849 --> 00:01:51.950 manager and he had everything a person could 00:01:51.950 --> 00:01:58.069 ever want everything that is except height Preston 00:01:58.069 --> 00:02:02.250 wanted to be taller. So he did some research 00:02:02.250 --> 00:02:05.209 and learned of an operation that could lengthen 00:02:05.209 --> 00:02:09.250 limbs. He shut at his office, told his co -workers 00:02:09.250 --> 00:02:11.610 and clients he'd be working virtually for a while, 00:02:11.770 --> 00:02:17.090 and checked into the hospital. Marianne was a 00:02:17.090 --> 00:02:20.050 bright young woman. She played by the rules, 00:02:20.250 --> 00:02:23.689 worked hard, and put herself through both nursing 00:02:23.689 --> 00:02:27.719 and physical therapy school. in doing so she 00:02:27.719 --> 00:02:31.159 amassed a soul -crushing amount of debt and lived 00:02:31.159 --> 00:02:33.860 off instant ramen for a year before grasping 00:02:33.860 --> 00:02:36.520 the simple fact that being a bright young go 00:02:36.520 --> 00:02:41.139 -getter didn't pay the bills cold hard cash did 00:02:41.139 --> 00:02:44.599 once preston's leg bones had been dutifully broken 00:02:44.599 --> 00:02:47.099 by the best orthopaedic surgeon that money could 00:02:47.099 --> 00:02:50.699 buy and once the lengthening rods had been inserted 00:02:50.699 --> 00:02:54.490 into the bone shafts he was discharged home to 00:02:54.490 --> 00:02:56.750 endure the gruelling process of bone regrowth 00:02:56.750 --> 00:03:01.889 returning home sounded good in theory the hospital 00:03:01.889 --> 00:03:05.270 with its endless beeps and dings was a form of 00:03:05.270 --> 00:03:08.030 torture unfit for even the most loathsome miscreant 00:03:08.030 --> 00:03:12.889 but in practice it was something else altogether 00:03:12.889 --> 00:03:18.129 two problems presented themselves one was mobility 00:03:18.129 --> 00:03:24.620 the other was pain he made a few calls and arranged 00:03:24.620 --> 00:03:28.819 for private duty assistance when marianne knocked 00:03:28.819 --> 00:03:31.939 at preston's door fresh -faced and eager to provide 00:03:31.939 --> 00:03:37.360 home care he told her to fuck off he had assumed 00:03:37.360 --> 00:03:39.860 the newest addition to his pay -roll would be 00:03:39.860 --> 00:03:42.400 some hulking figure with broad shoulders and 00:03:42.400 --> 00:03:48.719 bulging biceps not a woman plus he really wasn't 00:03:48.719 --> 00:03:52.729 having his best day the pain that started in 00:03:52.729 --> 00:03:55.569 his thighs had crawled up his pelvis contorted 00:03:55.569 --> 00:03:59.150 his hip flexors and was slamming his balls with 00:03:59.150 --> 00:04:02.830 waves of hell -fire undaunted by his dismissal 00:04:02.830 --> 00:04:05.770 marianne nudged her way into preston's impressive 00:04:05.770 --> 00:04:09.270 abode assuring him that her services meant the 00:04:09.270 --> 00:04:12.129 difference between sweet relief and horrific 00:04:12.129 --> 00:04:16.629 post -op complications including but not limited 00:04:16.629 --> 00:04:20.110 to gruesome disfigurement and intractable pain 00:04:21.249 --> 00:04:24.810 Inside, she scanned the surroundings and congratulated 00:04:24.810 --> 00:04:28.889 herself on landing a proper cash cow. She wasted 00:04:28.889 --> 00:04:31.569 no time in setting up shop in a small guest bedroom 00:04:31.569 --> 00:04:35.470 on the first floor and immediately went to work. 00:04:36.490 --> 00:04:40.810 Endless hours of physical therapy ensued, along 00:04:40.810 --> 00:04:44.629 with little hypodermic syringes containing anticoagulants, 00:04:44.750 --> 00:04:48.470 virtual surgeon visits and numerous adjustments 00:04:48.470 --> 00:04:52.480 to the lengthening rods. Preston proved himself 00:04:52.480 --> 00:04:58.279 to be an unappreciative patient. During strength 00:04:58.279 --> 00:05:02.240 training, he called Marianne a sadist. During 00:05:02.240 --> 00:05:07.060 range of motion exercises, a bitch. In retort, 00:05:07.199 --> 00:05:10.339 Marianne called Preston a whiny man -child and 00:05:10.339 --> 00:05:13.819 threatened a lifetime of contracture deformity 00:05:13.819 --> 00:05:17.079 if he failed to follow instructions. Preston 00:05:17.079 --> 00:05:20.600 fired Marianne a half dozen times. then quickly 00:05:20.600 --> 00:05:23.120 rehired her when faced with the actuality of 00:05:23.120 --> 00:05:28.819 her leaving and so it went marianne adjusted 00:05:28.819 --> 00:05:32.399 well to her new environment she liked preston's 00:05:32.399 --> 00:05:35.620 chef's kitchen with its quartz countertops the 00:05:35.620 --> 00:05:38.660 jacuzzi tub in the upstairs bath the peloton 00:05:38.660 --> 00:05:42.620 in the home fitness centre She developed a taste 00:05:42.620 --> 00:05:45.180 for the Macallan scotch Preston kept in the library, 00:05:45.420 --> 00:05:48.259 and found it provided a pleasant numbness by 00:05:48.259 --> 00:05:53.720 which she could tolerate his conversation. Like 00:05:53.720 --> 00:05:56.100 when he regaled her with tales of professional 00:05:56.100 --> 00:05:59.939 and personal conquest, or when he asked about 00:05:59.939 --> 00:06:02.600 her own work and whether she had actually aspired 00:06:02.600 --> 00:06:09.860 to mediocrity. Weeks went by. Marianne particularly 00:06:09.860 --> 00:06:13.459 relished her free time at Preston's house, and 00:06:13.459 --> 00:06:15.540 she breathed a bit freer when he was down for 00:06:15.540 --> 00:06:20.199 his daily narcotic naps. While he snored in 600 00:06:20.199 --> 00:06:23.620 thread -count Egyptian cotton sheets, she explored 00:06:23.620 --> 00:06:26.819 his closets, searching for ghosts and dirty laundry 00:06:26.819 --> 00:06:30.259 that could prove lucrative to her future. She 00:06:30.259 --> 00:06:32.639 perused the financial statements he kept in his 00:06:32.639 --> 00:06:36.500 upper left desk drawer. She catalogued Preston's 00:06:36.500 --> 00:06:39.939 furniture and appliances. His designer suits 00:06:39.939 --> 00:06:43.819 and leather shoes. His collection of wall hangings 00:06:43.819 --> 00:06:46.939 and sculpture. She priced everything out online. 00:06:48.519 --> 00:06:51.319 Preston often woke from his naps feeling refreshed. 00:06:52.220 --> 00:06:54.939 It was at these times that honey dripped from 00:06:54.939 --> 00:06:57.920 his tongue, and he flattered Marianne with his 00:06:57.920 --> 00:07:02.439 own special brand of compliment. Once he said 00:07:02.439 --> 00:07:06.720 he liked the colour of her hair, a not -too -brassy 00:07:06.720 --> 00:07:11.519 drugstore blonde. another time that she had the 00:07:11.519 --> 00:07:16.259 healthy appearance of someone who ate well and 00:07:16.259 --> 00:07:19.560 this he thought her performance as a health -care 00:07:19.560 --> 00:07:24.699 provider was very adequate he reached this conclusion 00:07:24.699 --> 00:07:27.199 after measuring marianne's skill and commitment 00:07:27.199 --> 00:07:29.879 against that of the aide he'd hired years ago 00:07:29.879 --> 00:07:33.660 to assist his aged mother after her rectal prolapse 00:07:34.189 --> 00:07:37.209 an aide whose duties consisted primarily of repeatedly 00:07:37.209 --> 00:07:39.689 pushing and squishing the poor woman's affected 00:07:39.689 --> 00:07:44.949 parts back into place as needed. This, Marianne 00:07:44.949 --> 00:07:48.029 understood, was Preston's gold standard of home 00:07:48.029 --> 00:07:53.930 care. She smiled and told Preston she was flattered 00:07:53.930 --> 00:07:58.750 by the favourable comparison. Months went by. 00:08:00.329 --> 00:08:03.050 When Preston's words rubbed Marianne the wrong 00:08:03.050 --> 00:08:06.550 way, as they sometimes did, chafing like a wet 00:08:06.550 --> 00:08:10.269 bathing suit on dry skin, she distracted herself 00:08:10.269 --> 00:08:14.009 with physical activity, depleting her energy 00:08:14.009 --> 00:08:16.490 stores until none remained to fret over petty 00:08:16.490 --> 00:08:20.829 insults. She took full advantage of Preston's 00:08:20.829 --> 00:08:23.730 home fitness centre, enjoyed long walks through 00:08:23.730 --> 00:08:26.529 the neighbourhood, and even started a small flower 00:08:26.529 --> 00:08:29.750 garden in the expansive backyard. Working the 00:08:29.750 --> 00:08:33.399 earth was therapeutic for Marianne. and the repetitive 00:08:33.399 --> 00:08:36.639 nature of the activity allowed her mind to conjure 00:08:36.639 --> 00:08:39.820 images of gossip -worthy soirees she might host 00:08:39.820 --> 00:08:43.639 one day, if all went to plan, on the estate's 00:08:43.639 --> 00:08:50.840 lush grounds. Only once, maybe twice, did she 00:08:50.840 --> 00:08:53.080 picture the back of Preston's head while assessing 00:08:53.080 --> 00:08:56.320 the heft of the four -foot garden shovel before 00:08:56.320 --> 00:08:58.860 plunging it rather savagely into the ground. 00:08:59.480 --> 00:09:02.700 As Preston regained his strength, Marianne became 00:09:02.700 --> 00:09:05.259 increasingly determined not to allow her tenure 00:09:05.259 --> 00:09:09.120 at the home of her dreams to end, even in spite 00:09:09.120 --> 00:09:13.700 of Preston's vexing Preston -ness. She traded 00:09:13.700 --> 00:09:16.559 her scrubs for clingy clothing, applied mascara 00:09:16.559 --> 00:09:20.740 and lip gloss before each therapy session. She 00:09:20.740 --> 00:09:23.039 saw to it that Preston remained dependent on 00:09:23.039 --> 00:09:27.360 her, subtly so, while understanding that any 00:09:27.360 --> 00:09:29.820 threat to Preston's perceived self -sufficiency 00:09:30.350 --> 00:09:32.429 would be an insult to his desperately protected 00:09:32.429 --> 00:09:36.970 ego. She stoked that ego, murmuring words of 00:09:36.970 --> 00:09:41.549 admiration and praise. You are so strong, so 00:09:41.549 --> 00:09:48.090 brave. And Preston agreed wholeheartedly. The 00:09:48.090 --> 00:09:50.669 first time Preston made love to Marianne, there 00:09:50.669 --> 00:09:56.149 were no sky rockets or confetti. One of them 00:09:56.149 --> 00:10:02.639 ended up satiated. but it wasn't marianne preston 00:10:02.639 --> 00:10:06.360 did not appear to notice or to care not then 00:10:06.360 --> 00:10:10.360 not thereafter not when marianne abandoned the 00:10:10.360 --> 00:10:12.460 small first -floor bedroom behind the kitchen 00:10:12.460 --> 00:10:16.759 and moved into preston's master suite while thoroughly 00:10:16.759 --> 00:10:19.000 unimpressed by preston's bedroom performance 00:10:19.000 --> 00:10:23.240 she was extremely impressed by his bedroom with 00:10:23.240 --> 00:10:26.000 its floor -to -ceiling windows custom stone fireplace 00:10:27.049 --> 00:10:29.590 and cavernous ensuite bath with separate his 00:10:29.590 --> 00:10:33.610 and hers sinks. Marianne continued to stroke 00:10:33.610 --> 00:10:42.909 his ego. You are so tall. The wedding took place 00:10:42.909 --> 00:10:46.610 on a bluff overlooking the ocean. Everything 00:10:46.610 --> 00:10:49.889 was perfect, from the floral arrangements to 00:10:49.889 --> 00:10:53.429 the embroidered gown Marianne wore. It fit her 00:10:53.429 --> 00:10:56.000 like a glove. highlighting her snatched waist 00:10:56.000 --> 00:11:00.919 and soft curves a year of peloton workouts paid 00:11:00.919 --> 00:11:03.879 off nicely though preston had been less convinced 00:11:03.879 --> 00:11:07.200 insisting she get cool sculpting before the ceremony 00:11:07.200 --> 00:11:11.159 the wedding after all would be the great reveal 00:11:11.159 --> 00:11:14.980 for preston's enhanced vertical stature and he 00:11:14.980 --> 00:11:17.740 fully anticipated nothing but starry -eyed adulation 00:11:17.740 --> 00:11:22.139 from the onlookers he could not risk a defect 00:11:22.139 --> 00:11:25.980 in his accessory He needed Marianne to be perfect. 00:11:26.480 --> 00:11:32.120 A perfect reflection of his own perfection. Their 00:11:32.120 --> 00:11:35.059 first kiss at the altar was cold as blue granite. 00:11:35.899 --> 00:11:39.980 They honeymooned on the Amalfi Coast. Preston 00:11:39.980 --> 00:11:42.860 slid his newly elongated legs into a pair of 00:11:42.860 --> 00:11:46.279 red swim trunks and strutted up and down the 00:11:46.279 --> 00:11:50.419 beach like David Hasselhoff in Baywatch. He assessed 00:11:50.419 --> 00:11:53.019 his bride against dark -eyed bikinied Italians 00:11:53.019 --> 00:11:57.419 at the resort. He suggested she get breast implants. 00:11:59.639 --> 00:12:02.639 For a tiny moment, Marianne imagined walking 00:12:02.639 --> 00:12:05.740 off down the beach and never looking back. But 00:12:05.740 --> 00:12:08.179 there was, of course, the prenup to consider. 00:12:09.200 --> 00:12:12.320 Her old friend, the garden shovel, popped back 00:12:12.320 --> 00:12:16.460 to mind, but it was an entire ocean away. And 00:12:16.460 --> 00:12:19.710 besides... She was quite certain that the conditions 00:12:19.710 --> 00:12:23.090 of Preston's life insurance policy were incompatible 00:12:23.090 --> 00:12:27.909 with her aspirations. So Marianne simply twisted 00:12:27.909 --> 00:12:31.370 her lips into a tight smile, gazed at the azure 00:12:31.370 --> 00:12:35.669 waters, sipped her Cristal, and fantasized about 00:12:35.669 --> 00:12:39.009 re -breaking Preston's legs. And they lived a 00:12:39.009 --> 00:12:43.789 barely tolerable coexistence ever after. The 00:12:43.789 --> 00:12:58.019 End So there we go. Two reasonably to thoroughly 00:12:58.019 --> 00:13:01.940 dislikable people in Laura's story there. I thought 00:13:01.940 --> 00:13:04.100 it was very funny. I was surprised that it only 00:13:04.100 --> 00:13:06.480 picked up five points in the house stage, but 00:13:06.480 --> 00:13:09.259 as I often find myself saying when looking at 00:13:09.259 --> 00:13:11.779 writing battle results, you have to embrace the 00:13:11.779 --> 00:13:14.299 madness. You've just got to go with it. Sometimes 00:13:14.299 --> 00:13:17.049 stories you write that you think are... are okay 00:13:17.049 --> 00:13:18.929 and you're sort of happy with you really really 00:13:18.929 --> 00:13:22.389 well other times you write stories that are are 00:13:22.389 --> 00:13:24.029 ticking all your boxes and you're really happy 00:13:24.029 --> 00:13:27.269 with and they they just bomb out it happens so 00:13:27.269 --> 00:13:31.629 i enjoyed it thank you laura on to our next story 00:13:31.629 --> 00:13:39.409 this is the art of subduction by sam james i 00:13:39.409 --> 00:13:44.210 didn't say seduction i said subduction Now, subduction 00:13:44.210 --> 00:13:47.970 is a geological process where a tectonic plate 00:13:47.970 --> 00:13:51.149 collides with and dives beneath a less dense 00:13:51.149 --> 00:13:54.490 plate. There you go. You're not just getting 00:13:54.490 --> 00:13:58.269 stories, you're getting an education. Now, Sam 00:13:58.269 --> 00:14:02.669 had this in the dating app mishap genre last 00:14:02.669 --> 00:14:06.529 year in the Spring 500 Word Battle. His other 00:14:06.529 --> 00:14:11.090 prompts were volcano and accidental hero. And 00:14:11.090 --> 00:14:14.700 I'm going to say... that we're about to take 00:14:14.700 --> 00:14:18.940 a journey into sam james's mind you are going 00:14:18.940 --> 00:14:20.919 to enjoy this and you will certainly remember 00:14:20.919 --> 00:14:24.639 it here is the art of subduction written and 00:14:24.639 --> 00:14:28.539 narrated by the wonderful sam james there's no 00:14:28.539 --> 00:14:31.259 doubt that this young man's actions saved the 00:14:31.259 --> 00:14:35.139 town says the police chief the perky reporter 00:14:35.139 --> 00:14:38.840 has her mike thrust in his face and the chief 00:14:38.840 --> 00:14:42.159 is staring square down the barrel of the cameraman's 00:14:42.159 --> 00:14:49.789 lens Strong. Decisive. A bit sexy. God damn it, 00:14:49.830 --> 00:14:55.070 how can I still be horny? I'll be next. She's 00:14:55.070 --> 00:14:57.529 already interviewed the mayor, the fire chief 00:14:57.529 --> 00:15:01.190 and a professor from the local university. I've 00:15:01.190 --> 00:15:04.070 been waiting, swaddled in an unnecessary silver 00:15:04.070 --> 00:15:06.809 blanket, watching the interviews and trying to 00:15:06.809 --> 00:15:09.409 think of something she'll believe. Something 00:15:09.409 --> 00:15:14.659 other than, I fucked the volcano. Okay, I was 00:15:14.659 --> 00:15:18.539 on the apps, looking for a quick hookup. Maybe 00:15:18.539 --> 00:15:22.980 sanitise for TV. Looking for love. I matched 00:15:22.980 --> 00:15:25.480 with a guy who had a cute picture of him hiking. 00:15:26.460 --> 00:15:31.440 Nice arse. No, don't say that. Anyhow, we planned 00:15:31.440 --> 00:15:33.440 to meet on the south side of the mountain to 00:15:33.440 --> 00:15:36.580 avoid the main trail from town. Private, you 00:15:36.580 --> 00:15:40.600 know. Secluded. I wonder how the reporter would 00:15:40.600 --> 00:15:44.730 respond to a wink. I found the rendezvous, but 00:15:44.730 --> 00:15:51.090 nice arse was a no -show. Ghosted. Me. After 00:15:51.090 --> 00:15:54.110 a reasonable wait, I sent a quick, where are 00:15:54.110 --> 00:15:58.190 you? Imagine my surprise when he immediately 00:15:58.190 --> 00:16:02.450 responded, I'm right here. You don't recognise 00:16:02.450 --> 00:16:10.409 me? I looked round. No one. Just me and the mountain. 00:16:12.269 --> 00:16:16.450 My phone buzzed again. Warmer. I spun on the 00:16:16.450 --> 00:16:21.309 spot. Colder. Spun again. Warmer. Still no one. 00:16:22.830 --> 00:16:27.009 I rechecked the profile picture. There was something 00:16:27.009 --> 00:16:31.929 familiar. I put my thumb over nice arse and looked 00:16:31.929 --> 00:16:37.070 at the background. Looked up. Are you the mountain? 00:16:38.669 --> 00:16:43.440 The reporter's going to think I'm barmy. High. 00:16:44.960 --> 00:16:53.220 I didn't know mountains dated. Let's say I've 00:16:53.220 --> 00:16:59.960 been dormant a while. So, you come here often? 00:17:00.740 --> 00:17:03.440 No, I should think of something less lame to 00:17:03.440 --> 00:17:07.980 tell the reporter. Hey, hot stuff. That's less 00:17:07.980 --> 00:17:14.200 lame? The hill rumbled. And my phone buzzed. 00:17:15.079 --> 00:17:20.200 Do you know how volcanoes are made? When tectonic 00:17:20.200 --> 00:17:26.079 plates collide, one plunges deep below the other. 00:17:26.839 --> 00:17:36.599 It's called subduction. Subduct me. I gaped at 00:17:36.599 --> 00:17:39.940 my phone, then the mountain, then back at my 00:17:39.940 --> 00:17:43.930 phone. The hillside looked the same as always, 00:17:44.230 --> 00:17:52.329 but somehow sexier. Sensuous curves, washboard 00:17:52.329 --> 00:17:59.990 slabs, peaks for days. My penis, can I say penis 00:17:59.990 --> 00:18:05.750 on TV? My downstairs twitched. My belt undid 00:18:05.750 --> 00:18:09.470 itself, completely unaided. My trousers fell 00:18:09.470 --> 00:18:15.420 to the floor. I mounted it. I'm not ashamed to 00:18:15.420 --> 00:18:19.400 say it. I mounted the mountain and I liked it. 00:18:19.519 --> 00:18:24.480 It liked it too, as the evidence shows. I plunged 00:18:24.480 --> 00:18:28.920 deeply into the mountain. If first wink goes 00:18:28.920 --> 00:18:33.920 well, try another here to emphasise deeply. The 00:18:33.920 --> 00:18:38.119 pressure built and built until I burst. My little 00:18:38.119 --> 00:18:41.180 frothy load was answered by terrible shaking. 00:18:41.799 --> 00:18:45.400 Birds flew from trees, animals scurried in fear. 00:18:46.140 --> 00:18:49.259 I hurriedly dressed and barely made it out of 00:18:49.259 --> 00:18:55.079 the way when, well, boom! The eruption. Oh, the 00:18:55.079 --> 00:18:58.500 reporter. The professor says it was one in ten 00:18:58.500 --> 00:19:01.000 thousand that the volcano blew southwards, away 00:19:01.000 --> 00:19:03.759 from town. And the police chief says we have 00:19:03.759 --> 00:19:07.400 you to thank. But they won't say why. What happened 00:19:07.400 --> 00:19:20.089 up there? She thrusts the mic at me. I don't 00:19:20.089 --> 00:19:22.970 think anyone else could have written that story 00:19:22.970 --> 00:19:26.329 quite like that. There we are. Sam James, The 00:19:26.329 --> 00:19:29.390 Art of Subduction. He's a writer, a narrator, 00:19:29.650 --> 00:19:33.150 a musician and a lover of volcanoes, apparently. 00:19:33.910 --> 00:19:37.190 Sam got himself all the way through the house 00:19:37.190 --> 00:19:39.880 stage with that story very well deservedly. and 00:19:39.880 --> 00:19:43.420 got himself to the thrilling 32 the last 32 writers 00:19:43.420 --> 00:19:46.460 in the knockout stage out of hundreds and hundreds 00:19:46.460 --> 00:19:49.900 and hundreds so well done sam we look forward 00:19:49.900 --> 00:19:52.819 to seeing what other stuff you come up with i 00:19:52.819 --> 00:19:55.599 did say it was going to be love but not as we 00:19:55.599 --> 00:19:57.680 know it if you remember from the beginning of 00:19:57.680 --> 00:20:01.660 this episode so we've had the gold digger a malignant 00:20:01.660 --> 00:20:08.500 narcissist sort of love maybe We've had a man 00:20:08.500 --> 00:20:11.759 satisfying a volcano and saving a great many 00:20:11.759 --> 00:20:17.079 lives in the process. Our next take on love comes 00:20:17.079 --> 00:20:21.039 from Caro Robson and it's called Prince Thaddeus 00:20:21.039 --> 00:20:25.319 Saves the Future. Caro wrote this story for the 00:20:25.319 --> 00:20:30.000 short story competition 2000 Words just at the 00:20:30.000 --> 00:20:36.079 end of 2025. Her prompts were heist, subway and... 00:20:36.140 --> 00:20:40.279 and ranch hand in heist we had as you could probably 00:20:40.279 --> 00:20:44.579 imagine a great variety of stories we had some 00:20:44.579 --> 00:20:47.059 very funny heists we had some very action oriented 00:20:47.059 --> 00:20:51.700 intense heists and we had a very creative take 00:20:51.700 --> 00:20:54.039 on it from caro that i think you're gonna like 00:20:54.039 --> 00:20:58.099 in fact i'm sure you're gonna like i'm not really 00:20:58.099 --> 00:21:01.339 a betting man but if i was i i would say i would 00:21:01.339 --> 00:21:04.720 bet on that caro's read this herself and sam 00:21:04.720 --> 00:21:07.880 james the volcano chap from a few moments ago 00:21:07.880 --> 00:21:11.720 very kindly edited and sorted out the audio for 00:21:11.720 --> 00:21:16.200 caro for uploading purposes last year incidentally 00:21:16.200 --> 00:21:18.579 if you are writing for writing battle in any 00:21:18.579 --> 00:21:21.720 competition and you haven't done a an audio version 00:21:21.720 --> 00:21:24.599 yet i do recommend it it's a lot of fun it doesn't 00:21:24.599 --> 00:21:26.660 have to be something you hire out a professional 00:21:26.660 --> 00:21:29.559 studio for just to get yourself a microphone 00:21:29.559 --> 00:21:34.569 use your phone it is a lot of fun So, our third 00:21:34.569 --> 00:21:38.450 and final story for today is Prince Thaddeus 00:21:38.450 --> 00:21:48.529 Saves the Future by Kara Robson. Prince Thaddeus 00:21:48.529 --> 00:21:58.740 Saves the Future by Kara Robson Once upon a time 00:21:58.740 --> 00:22:02.079 in a long ago land, the day had arrived for Prince 00:22:02.079 --> 00:22:06.160 Thaddeus to claim a bride. Tradition required 00:22:06.160 --> 00:22:09.059 he steal his future queen's heart the way a future 00:22:09.059 --> 00:22:12.920 king always did. First, he'd lead his men to 00:22:12.920 --> 00:22:17.500 a far away castle. Then, attack it, killing whoever 00:22:17.500 --> 00:22:22.059 got in the way. Finally, he'd storm sword first 00:22:22.059 --> 00:22:24.759 up the stairs and into the princess's bedchamber. 00:22:25.519 --> 00:22:29.339 With her heart fearfully aflutter and his lips 00:22:29.339 --> 00:22:33.880 lustfully apucker, he'd bend down for true love's 00:22:33.880 --> 00:22:37.480 first kiss before hoisting her onto his horse 00:22:37.480 --> 00:22:42.000 to take her home and live happily ever after. 00:22:42.859 --> 00:22:49.140 Thaddeus couldn't think of anything worse. Customary 00:22:49.140 --> 00:22:52.960 or not, the whole thing felt a little rapey. 00:22:53.059 --> 00:22:56.119 And besides, He wasn't prepared in the slightest. 00:22:56.880 --> 00:22:59.839 Though the king had spent an alarming sum of 00:22:59.839 --> 00:23:02.839 gold on private tutors for swordmanship and horsemanship, 00:23:03.180 --> 00:23:05.920 the prince had never been a natural athlete. 00:23:06.920 --> 00:23:10.920 Even with all the extra help, he still fumbled 00:23:10.920 --> 00:23:15.299 the basics. Thaddeus could hardly lift a broadsword, 00:23:15.519 --> 00:23:19.160 never mind thrust one, and bounced atop a saddle 00:23:19.160 --> 00:23:23.480 like a sack of beets. Perhaps if he had engaged 00:23:23.480 --> 00:23:26.519 with his tutors the way he was expected to, things 00:23:26.519 --> 00:23:30.480 would have been different. But alas, and unbeknownst 00:23:30.480 --> 00:23:33.960 to the king, Thaddeus never completed a single 00:23:33.960 --> 00:23:38.539 lesson. Every Tuesday, he invented a new ailment 00:23:38.539 --> 00:23:42.000 to get himself out of sword fighting. Every Thursday, 00:23:42.259 --> 00:23:44.940 the riding instructor seemed content to listen 00:23:44.940 --> 00:23:48.099 to Thaddeus' mumbling snippets of poetry while 00:23:48.099 --> 00:23:51.859 both of them ignored the horses and instead groomed 00:23:51.859 --> 00:23:56.779 Blossom, his prized pet bull. Thus, though he 00:23:56.779 --> 00:23:58.960 gained none of the skills traditionally required 00:23:58.960 --> 00:24:01.900 for stealing the heart of a princess, he succeeded 00:24:01.900 --> 00:24:04.759 in spending tutoring time doing what he did all 00:24:04.759 --> 00:24:08.859 day anyway, writing amateur poems and tending 00:24:08.859 --> 00:24:12.690 to his pet. It should hardly be surprising that 00:24:12.690 --> 00:24:16.930 on this day, fated to be one of bravery, bloodshed 00:24:16.930 --> 00:24:21.089 and boobies, Thaddeus didn't even try. Rather 00:24:21.089 --> 00:24:24.049 than lead his army to brutal battle on faraway 00:24:24.049 --> 00:24:28.009 soil, he had them stop at a pleasant lake. Here 00:24:28.009 --> 00:24:30.670 they dismounted and allowed their horses to have 00:24:30.670 --> 00:24:35.000 a lazy graze. The men lounged on the grass, eyes 00:24:35.000 --> 00:24:38.359 closed and heads turned to the heavens, murmuring 00:24:38.359 --> 00:24:40.960 appreciation as their prince stood on a large 00:24:40.960 --> 00:24:45.079 rock performing his favorite sonnets. They didn't 00:24:45.079 --> 00:24:47.920 mind. Everyone adored the eccentric king -to 00:24:47.920 --> 00:24:50.940 -be and agreed that it was a far better way to 00:24:50.940 --> 00:24:54.200 spend the afternoon than getting impaled or beheaded 00:24:54.200 --> 00:24:58.180 in combat. When they returned home at nightfall, 00:24:58.359 --> 00:25:02.059 their uniforms crisp and bloodless, not a single 00:25:02.059 --> 00:25:06.900 man lost, the king rejoiced. Though he'd had 00:25:06.900 --> 00:25:09.839 his doubts about his son, it seemed that all 00:25:09.839 --> 00:25:13.940 his worry was for nothing. Never before had a 00:25:13.940 --> 00:25:16.339 prince come back from stealing a princess's heart 00:25:16.339 --> 00:25:20.500 was not a single man hurt, or even dirty. For 00:25:20.500 --> 00:25:23.859 a full minute and seventeen seconds, the king 00:25:23.859 --> 00:25:29.700 was riled. Stadius, my boy, back from the greatest 00:25:29.700 --> 00:25:32.799 day of your life. The heist for the heart of 00:25:32.799 --> 00:25:36.339 your queen is complete. Show us your lovely wife 00:25:36.339 --> 00:25:41.019 -to -be. The prince shook his head, mournfully 00:25:41.019 --> 00:25:45.180 turning his palms to the sky. I'm sorry, father. 00:25:45.240 --> 00:25:47.980 The castle we conquered had only a donkey in 00:25:47.980 --> 00:25:51.859 its tower. I could not husband an ass. I'm afraid 00:25:51.859 --> 00:25:56.509 I am to remain unwed. The king's jaw dropped, 00:25:56.750 --> 00:26:00.410 but before he could respond, Thaddeus' sad demeanour 00:26:00.410 --> 00:26:04.329 was replaced by his usual bright smile. Addressing 00:26:04.329 --> 00:26:07.630 the assembled guests, he said, Everyone, just 00:26:07.630 --> 00:26:10.170 because I haven't a bride doesn't mean the wedding 00:26:10.170 --> 00:26:13.450 feast should go to waste. Eat, enjoy, make merry. 00:26:14.130 --> 00:26:16.710 As the crowd cheered its approval, the prince 00:26:16.710 --> 00:26:19.029 gave a quick wave. Good night, good subjects. 00:26:19.390 --> 00:26:22.329 Afraid I can't stay. Blossom's teeth need brushing. 00:26:22.650 --> 00:26:27.490 Toodle -oo! The king sighed and downed two goblets 00:26:27.490 --> 00:26:31.029 of wine. Allowing the prince to keep a pet bull 00:26:31.029 --> 00:26:34.950 was one of his biggest regrets. After the queen 00:26:34.950 --> 00:26:37.569 passed away, he thought that Thaddeus needed 00:26:37.569 --> 00:26:40.890 a distraction. What better, he thought, than 00:26:40.890 --> 00:26:44.089 a big strong beast to encourage my son to stop 00:26:44.089 --> 00:26:47.849 moping. But instead, Blossom had brought out 00:26:47.849 --> 00:26:51.869 Thaddeus' soft side even more. He was a man obsessed. 00:26:52.480 --> 00:26:55.200 faffing over the bovine, calling in healers at 00:26:55.200 --> 00:26:57.980 the slightest sniffle, and splurging on deluxe 00:26:57.980 --> 00:27:01.599 shampoos for his coat. Something had to be done. 00:27:02.180 --> 00:27:05.400 No prince in history had ever failed to complete 00:27:05.400 --> 00:27:08.400 the heist, and without a new queen, the king 00:27:08.400 --> 00:27:12.500 would not be able to retire. And man, did he 00:27:12.500 --> 00:27:16.380 want to step down. He had scrolls and scrolls 00:27:16.380 --> 00:27:19.380 of Sudoku waiting, and a model horse carriage 00:27:19.380 --> 00:27:23.579 to build. Unfortunately, the usual punishments 00:27:23.579 --> 00:27:27.160 simply did not work on Thaddeus. He shrugged 00:27:27.160 --> 00:27:29.319 his shoulders at being grounded, as he could 00:27:29.319 --> 00:27:32.140 just write poetry in his room. He still cried 00:27:32.140 --> 00:27:34.599 like a toddler when being beaten, making the 00:27:34.599 --> 00:27:38.059 king feel bad. He honestly enjoyed field labour, 00:27:38.220 --> 00:27:41.019 as it gave him extra time to ride on the plough, 00:27:41.140 --> 00:27:43.779 diggling furiously as Blossom pulled him along. 00:27:44.400 --> 00:27:48.420 No. The king needed something creative and so 00:27:48.420 --> 00:27:50.799 called his head advisor to his throne room the 00:27:50.799 --> 00:27:54.619 next day. I need a suggestion to get that boy's 00:27:54.619 --> 00:27:57.140 head straight, he said, rubbing his temples. 00:27:57.759 --> 00:28:00.640 Not only was he annoyed and worried, but he'd 00:28:00.640 --> 00:28:03.440 drunk a further six goblets of wine at the knot 00:28:03.440 --> 00:28:06.259 -weeding feast and ended up joining the karaoke. 00:28:06.900 --> 00:28:09.680 He's nineteen, for goodness sake. I married and 00:28:09.680 --> 00:28:12.779 took over the kingdom at sixteen. The advisor 00:28:12.779 --> 00:28:18.039 nodded sagely. Forgive me, your highness, but 00:28:18.039 --> 00:28:20.720 it would appear that the prince needs to be reminded 00:28:20.720 --> 00:28:25.380 about the importance of tradition. The king nodded 00:28:25.380 --> 00:28:27.940 enthusiastically, his head pounding at the up 00:28:27.940 --> 00:28:33.119 and down. Oh, he said, then, yes, exactly. Perhaps, 00:28:33.480 --> 00:28:37.059 the advisor continued, he needs to be sent somewhere 00:28:37.059 --> 00:28:41.900 that our old ways have sadly been lost. If he 00:28:41.900 --> 00:28:44.920 sees the consequences of not respecting tradition, 00:28:45.119 --> 00:28:49.599 the utter chaos of the far future, I am confident 00:28:49.599 --> 00:28:53.940 that he will return a changed man. Time travel? 00:28:54.200 --> 00:28:58.759 The king frowned. I'm not so sure. Nothing dangerous, 00:28:58.920 --> 00:29:01.700 your highness, the advisor said. I have a connection 00:29:01.700 --> 00:29:06.480 at an esteemed earl's court, circa 2025. A shot 00:29:06.480 --> 00:29:08.539 while there should be enough to shock some sense 00:29:08.539 --> 00:29:11.039 into the prince. If any luck, he will complete 00:29:11.039 --> 00:29:15.039 the heist shortly after. The king thought longingly 00:29:15.039 --> 00:29:18.420 about finally being free to plant his own petunia 00:29:18.420 --> 00:29:22.880 garden. Yes, he said, do it. It's time my boy 00:29:22.880 --> 00:29:25.059 stopped playing at being ranch hand, that darn 00:29:25.059 --> 00:29:28.920 bull, and started taking things seriously. The 00:29:28.920 --> 00:29:31.319 advisor was not the type to read fine print. 00:29:31.799 --> 00:29:34.880 Contrary to expectation, Prince Thaddeus didn't 00:29:34.880 --> 00:29:37.839 poof. into existence at some fancy aristocrat's 00:29:37.839 --> 00:29:40.480 estate, but instead appeared sprawled on the 00:29:40.480 --> 00:29:43.680 tiles behind the deli counter of a subway in 00:29:43.680 --> 00:29:47.140 Earls Court Tube Station in modern -day London. 00:29:47.740 --> 00:29:51.240 It was 6am and the shop was locked and dark. 00:29:51.539 --> 00:29:55.960 He lay there, unconscious, his fine silk clothes 00:29:55.960 --> 00:29:59.319 unthreading and re -spooling into an ill -fitting 00:29:59.319 --> 00:30:03.220 polyester get -up. On his breast, a pinned name 00:30:03.220 --> 00:30:08.420 tag read, Hi, I'm Thad. His nose twitched. Minutes 00:30:08.420 --> 00:30:11.759 before, he'd inhaled a fragrance of meadow grass 00:30:11.759 --> 00:30:15.759 and manure in a faraway time and place. Now the 00:30:15.759 --> 00:30:19.579 flavor was processed pastrami and his own sick. 00:30:20.539 --> 00:30:24.000 Despite his shock upon waking up, Thaddeus had 00:30:24.000 --> 00:30:28.240 but one concern. Blossom! He cried, scrambling 00:30:28.240 --> 00:30:30.599 upright and crashing into the glass door at the 00:30:30.599 --> 00:30:33.500 front of the shop. He bashed with frantic fists, 00:30:33.779 --> 00:30:36.200 eyes pleading at the throng of passing commuters. 00:30:36.500 --> 00:30:40.119 Has anybody seen my beautiful ball? This is no 00:30:40.119 --> 00:30:43.839 place for my darling. The Londoners simply walked 00:30:43.839 --> 00:30:47.640 on, paying no mind. He was just another weirdo, 00:30:47.640 --> 00:30:50.299 and minding their own business was a point of 00:30:50.299 --> 00:30:54.759 national pride. Overwhelmed, Thaddeus crumpled 00:30:54.759 --> 00:30:58.799 and sat down on the floor, sobbing. By the time 00:30:58.799 --> 00:31:01.759 the shop was unlocked, he was in the fetal position, 00:31:02.180 --> 00:31:05.660 an errant pickle stuck to the vomit in his hair. 00:31:06.960 --> 00:31:10.779 Oh my gosh, are you alright? A woman wearing 00:31:10.779 --> 00:31:13.299 an outfit matching Thaddeus' kneeled next to 00:31:13.299 --> 00:31:18.480 him. Her name tag read, Hi, I'm Nola. Thaddeus 00:31:18.480 --> 00:31:21.940 sat up and sniffed, snot and tears streaking 00:31:21.940 --> 00:31:24.960 his cheeks and chin. I should have completed 00:31:24.960 --> 00:31:28.319 the heist. Then this never would have happened. 00:31:29.960 --> 00:31:33.940 Heist? Nola wondered if she needed to alert the 00:31:33.940 --> 00:31:36.980 authorities, but quickly decided against it. 00:31:37.240 --> 00:31:40.079 It was clear that the new guy wasn't exactly 00:31:40.079 --> 00:31:43.019 master criminal material, and she'd waited long 00:31:43.019 --> 00:31:45.200 enough for her boss to actually employ someone 00:31:45.200 --> 00:31:48.930 to help her. Come! She said, pulling out a plastic 00:31:48.930 --> 00:31:52.069 chair. Sit here and I'll make you a cuppa. We 00:31:52.069 --> 00:31:54.230 have an hour to prepare before customers come. 00:31:54.910 --> 00:31:58.890 He frowned. What is this place? She gave him 00:31:58.890 --> 00:32:02.150 a quizzical look, her face moving from confusion 00:32:02.150 --> 00:32:06.970 to understanding in an instant. Ah, she winked. 00:32:07.190 --> 00:32:11.849 Method actor, I'll play along. She put two steaming 00:32:11.849 --> 00:32:15.470 cups of instant coffee on the table. It's a sandwich 00:32:15.470 --> 00:32:19.180 shop now. Tell me about this heist. Relieved 00:32:19.180 --> 00:32:21.880 to have someone to talk to, Thaddeus told Nola 00:32:21.880 --> 00:32:25.519 everything, her eyes growing wide as their coffee 00:32:25.519 --> 00:32:30.539 grew cold. Nola believed every word. It's not 00:32:30.539 --> 00:32:33.539 that she was gullible, but rather that she happened 00:32:33.539 --> 00:32:36.559 to be dating a vampire. Everyone thought she 00:32:36.559 --> 00:32:39.240 was making it up, but she knew. People who had 00:32:39.240 --> 00:32:41.539 no belief in the supernatural were the deluded 00:32:41.539 --> 00:32:45.509 ones. So, let me get this straight. she said, 00:32:45.630 --> 00:32:48.190 leaving the tomatoes unchopped and the closed 00:32:48.190 --> 00:32:51.910 sign firmly facing outwards. You're a prince 00:32:51.910 --> 00:32:54.930 and a poet from far away and long ago, and your 00:32:54.930 --> 00:32:57.430 father sent you to the future to see the consequences 00:32:57.430 --> 00:33:00.609 of flouting the proud tradition of murdering 00:33:00.609 --> 00:33:03.269 a woman's entire kingdom in order to claim her 00:33:03.269 --> 00:33:07.519 as a wife. Yes, yes, he said. They told me heart 00:33:07.519 --> 00:33:10.140 -stealing has completely died out here, and the 00:33:10.140 --> 00:33:12.759 world is in a shambles. Father doesn't want me 00:33:12.759 --> 00:33:15.440 to bring the ruin to our time, but what I'm really 00:33:15.440 --> 00:33:19.359 worried about is my Blossom. Nola took his hand 00:33:19.359 --> 00:33:23.099 and squeezed. I'm sure Blossom is safe in his 00:33:23.099 --> 00:33:27.039 stable, warming his rump by his fireplace. After 00:33:27.039 --> 00:33:29.859 all, he's not the one who needs a wife, right? 00:33:30.720 --> 00:33:34.119 He has a harem of nineteen prized cows. Thaddeus 00:33:34.119 --> 00:33:37.220 replied. He certainly doesn't need a twentieth. 00:33:37.759 --> 00:33:41.119 A commuter banged on the glass, angrily pointing 00:33:41.119 --> 00:33:44.380 at the opening hours. Nola raised the middle 00:33:44.380 --> 00:33:47.140 finger in response. There was no way she was 00:33:47.140 --> 00:33:49.119 making sandwiches when she could be changing 00:33:49.119 --> 00:33:53.880 history. Thad! Thaddeus! he corrected. The world 00:33:53.880 --> 00:33:58.200 is screwed up, she said. But I wonder... If someone 00:33:58.200 --> 00:34:01.079 as powerful as a prince chose love over violence, 00:34:01.319 --> 00:34:04.880 perhaps it could change everything. I don't understand, 00:34:05.420 --> 00:34:09.460 he said. Find someone who loves Blossom as much 00:34:09.460 --> 00:34:12.519 as you do, Nola said. Don't kill her family, 00:34:12.659 --> 00:34:16.059 just smile, be nice. Take her hand and go for 00:34:16.059 --> 00:34:19.039 a walk. I promise you will not need to steal 00:34:19.039 --> 00:34:21.659 her heart. She will give it to you willingly. 00:34:23.139 --> 00:34:26.309 Thaddeus thought of his riding instructor. of 00:34:26.309 --> 00:34:29.650 how she always greeted him and Blossom with the 00:34:29.650 --> 00:34:33.429 brightest of smiles, of how she brushed the bull's 00:34:33.429 --> 00:34:37.070 coat with the gentlest of touches, of how she 00:34:37.070 --> 00:34:39.889 flushed the prettiest of pinks when his eyes 00:34:39.889 --> 00:34:44.750 met her own mid -poem. I know just the person, 00:34:44.969 --> 00:34:49.429 he said. Once upon a time in a land long ago, 00:34:49.610 --> 00:34:52.949 a very untraditional prince changed the course 00:34:52.949 --> 00:34:57.070 of history. When Thaddeus got home, he finally 00:34:57.070 --> 00:35:01.309 learned to ride a horse properly. And when he 00:35:01.309 --> 00:35:05.070 won the heart of his queen, he did so with poetry. 00:35:11.789 --> 00:35:15.110 There is hope for Prince Thaddeus after all. 00:35:15.889 --> 00:35:19.150 I love the fact that at the end he does win the 00:35:19.150 --> 00:35:21.329 day, he does win the heart of his queen, but 00:35:21.329 --> 00:35:24.869 using poetry rather than more. brutal, perhaps 00:35:24.869 --> 00:35:28.369 old school means. I think we have to give a round 00:35:28.369 --> 00:35:31.630 of applause for Caro for her enthusiasm with 00:35:31.630 --> 00:35:33.650 the voices too. I always love it when narrators 00:35:33.650 --> 00:35:36.110 do voices. It makes the story really engaging. 00:35:36.750 --> 00:35:39.489 Yeah, just a very, very different take on heist 00:35:39.489 --> 00:35:42.829 and greatly enjoyable. I could see this being 00:35:42.829 --> 00:35:45.389 made into like an animated short or something. 00:35:46.170 --> 00:35:50.190 Maybe that's just me. And in terms of the autumn 00:35:50.190 --> 00:35:54.239 short story, 2025. Cairo sailed through the house 00:35:54.239 --> 00:35:56.559 stage with that and got it to the thrilling 32. 00:35:56.840 --> 00:36:00.340 So again, very, very good work from Cairo and 00:36:00.340 --> 00:36:04.380 indeed from Prince Thaddeus. That's it from us 00:36:04.380 --> 00:36:07.420 this week. Thank you for listening to one more 00:36:07.420 --> 00:36:10.360 short story with me, Chris Falwell. We'll see 00:36:10.360 --> 00:36:10.900 you next time.