Welcome to your next move. This is Edna White,
and I'm so glad you're with me today. And today
we're gonna talk about healing, meaning accountability.
Today we're gonna be talking about something
that we're all guilty of, and that is saying
the word, I am fine, and not really meaning it.
And I have someone special with me today who
is a coach and also owns an amazing company that
teaches us speakers. how to speak when we don't
want to speak. And I'm going to say his first
name and not want to second name. So we're here
today with Sebastian. I'm scatty. Yes, I see
that works so well. Welcome to the show. I'm
really excited to get talking to you because
I think I'm fine has a lot to do with inner not
being confident. Take it away. Tell us about
you first and get this thing rolling Absolutely.
I love the subject as well. Thank you so much
for having me on in such a powerful conversation
so I am a public speaker and I am a 23 year old
entrepreneur of two businesses and my background
is coming here to the United States as an immigrant
only child right in the pursuit of this American
dream and I think what that ties into the subject
of I'm fine without really being fine is the
first step to all success and it is admitting
the problem to find the solution. 99 % of people,
the reason why they don't find success in life
might not be what you think. It is always because
they are too afraid to define what success looks
like for themselves. They tell themselves I'm
fine and never articulate in their life a problem.
When you don't define what success looks like,
how can you get there? You're like a ship with
no sail, aimlessly drifting, right? And the reason
why people don't do that is because it's terrifying.
To define success means you're also defining
failure, and chances are, we're much closer to
failure when we start than to success. So, what
I really want us to talk about today and what
I want to drive home is, break out of that. Stop
saying, I'm fine, stop ignoring the reality and
the dreams that you're destined for. admit the
failure to find the success. Yeah, I think I've
also done that. And I hate the word I'm fine.
I even hate the word a fine linen. I hate the
word fine because then you start using it again,
right? So I haven't used it. I want to say, oh,
gosh. Maybe I'll say seven that I can remember.
Because I started saying it because it was just
a thing I repeated. And I was like, I'm not one
of those joiners. I'm not a joiner. So I was
like, wait, I'm copying over somebody else, and
I'm really not fine. I'm like, the worst thing
ever happened. But true to your statement that
you just said is that we are not brave enough
or we have no confidence enough to define what
we really want to do. And most of the time, what
I'm finding out from people and from myself is
that They don't know who they are. That's one
thing. First, you got to know that, right? You
got to know that. Then you got to know where
you're going, correct? Amen. Absolutely right.
Now, I want to add something to that because
you're absolutely right. Confidence is a prerequisite
to success. One thing I can always forgive, especially
as an owner of a speaking agency that also coaches
speaking, one thing that I can always understand
is someone who is shy, But I adore people that
are breaking out of that. People that are breaking
out of the cycles of silence, right? Yeah, and
that's what it is. Say that loud and clear. Say
it. I love that in people, people that are breaking
out of that. But one thing that I can never tolerate,
and I never will, never work with this kind of
person, is someone who is okay with that and
just is going to let their brilliance die in
the dark. I hate that because there are so many
amazing things that have not happened in this
world simply because we don't speak them out
or we don't act on them. It's fine, it's okay,
whatever. But confidence and audacity are prerequisites
for success. As a matter of fact, it's the most
important thing for success. You can have everything
else there, but if you lack confidence and you
lack audacity for pursuit, you're never going
to get anywhere. Like I said, the only talent
that I had growing up, I had nothing. I came
here with nothing, only child of an immigrant
family. Really just, I saw my parents pretty
much robbed from me in the system. They were
just working 12 hour shifts every day. I didn't
have talents, I didn't have scholarships, but
one thing that never left me was the audacity
to dream and to pursue that. It's this vision
in my mind that I have no right to have because
nothing in my life could even make me want to
dream this or give me the right to conceive of
the life that I wanted. But still, the greatest
talent that we have as human beings is the ability
to imagine something that doesn't exist yet and
make that a reality. But that can happen in silence.
It needs to be spoken and it needs to be acted
on. Right, right. I totally agree 100%. I'm so
glad that you're young saying that versus me
as being the an elder or should I say like a
bishop older? And I'm so glad you say that because
I often find people and working with a lot of
people. They say, oh, I'm an introvert. And again,
they repeat things that they heard, right? I'm
an introvert, right? And yet, you're not, because
you're talking to me, and you can speak out.
And then if things change, you gain confidence,
you just did it. So explain to me when you were
an introvert. Was it when you were five? Because
let me tell you, those five -year -olds, They
got full power. They're doing everything they
want. They do it. They're saying no They're making
I let me do it myself kind of mood. They're doing
all of that, you know So when is it that you
became an introvert is is it when things happened?
So I went through about here audience You know,
we're gonna throw out the questions and I'm gonna
have my seem guess kind of start get the ball
rolling What is your body telling you that your
mouth keeps denying? Go for it Sebastian Wow,
that's a really good question. What is your body
telling you that your mouth keeps denying? I'm
writing a book right now. It's on public speaking
and one of the first parts of it has to do with
the reason why we deny ourselves or we become
introverts, like you're saying, right? And on
that subject, in that book, I talk about all
the people that have sacrificed their dream,
that have sold their potential to corporations
and have pretty much just... put themselves in
a comfort zone, right? I think it's not our body
that demands from us things, it's our soul. And
what it's always going to come back, it's going
to haunt you, or it's going to bless you, depends
on how you lived your life. But your soul is
always going to demand your passion from you.
The older you get, the more it's going to scream
at you and say, hey, what happened about that
dream of traveling the world? Hey, what happened
about that dream of investing? Hey, what happened
about all these things, right? That's not going
to haunt you. or make you proud when you look
back, but it ultimately depends on you. It's
our souls that demand things from us, but our
mouth, I don't know where we get this from. This
is insecurity. This is fear. This is anxiety.
These are blockers that our mouth somehow finds
the gall to say, no, later, my life isn't in
the right place. I'll wait for this, this or
that to be in the right spot. Never going to
happen, right? That's what audacity is. It's
making things happen. It's breaking out of this
patience reaction cycle and getting on the offensive.
That's the only way to make your life move in
the direction that you want. So I always encourage
audiences all over the world where I've spoken.
And I tell them, I know right now, as I'm speaking
about this stuff, you are thinking about something
that needs to get done or that you want to get
done. You're literally thinking about it as I'm
speaking it, right? And you're still trying to
deny it from yourself. But guess what? I'm telling
you right now. Ain't no perfect time. Do something,
do anything. Anything, anything. Okay, so you
know that Sebastian just called you into charge
for your life. One thing is to identify the stress
signals. Yes. Right? Shut down those old habits
and the physical discomfort that you keep ignoring,
ignore that. All right? Here's another one. Where
in your life are you performing, I'm fine, instead
of telling the truth? Oh, that's a good question,
because now it's putting me on the spot, calling
me out on what I'm not doing well. I like that,
though. That's how we grow, right? So you've
seen your coach. You've seen this. You know that
sometimes you preach something and you're like,
crap, I should have listened to myself. It happens
a lot. Well, myself. I would say I'm definitely
postponing, and I keep telling myself, I got
too much work here to do. I'm postponing a lifelong
dream of mine. I'm ready to do it. I just keep
saying I got work to do of traveling the world.
I've been looking at Spain, I've been looking
at Thailand, I've been looking at a couple different
places I can work remotely. I haven't been able
to pull a trigger on that, but it's been a lifelong
dream, and I gotta stop telling myself I'm fine
here. Orlando's not what it used to be. I'm not
fine here. This is very true. I want to piggyback
off of you. I just said this to myself, okay?
So, you know, when you're out of alignment and
you're, I'm on the stage of the attraction, you
know, manifesting really truly, manifesting not.
Not this mantra stuff. Not that. I mean, really
attracting. And what I had to come to realization
like you did is, I'm not happy here. And I had
to tell my nervous system, I should be allowing
myself to want more. It's okay to want more.
It's okay to have that. And I had to tell my...
my nervous system that I had because I was like
freaking out and like I was just like getting
comfortable again like that you know it's okay
all right you know you know and and let me just
say I my home I have the home I wanted by the
water okay every window is got by the water but
what's wrong with wanting clearer water or maybe
a different unit near the water but maybe bluer
waters and better weather you know all of those
things what's wrong with that We start expanding
after a while. We stop doing it. We stop. We
stop. We minimize everything. We minimize because
I'm fine here. Like you said, I'm fine here.
Instead of telling you the truth, no, I'm fine
here. I want to travel the world. Shoot. Just
thinking my language. It's so funny. Almost everything
you talked about I was writing about too in my
book. And what I'll tell you is you're right.
We as humans, we die before our death when we
tell ourselves that we are satisfied. Satisfaction
is a lie, right? Always be grateful, of course,
always be happy, but never satisfied because
the truth is what? Did you expect your life to
end when you got the promotion, when you got
the house, when you got the six figure business
for the first time? No, we are creatures of purpose.
And, I mean, this is evident everywhere that
you look, right? But where do you see the highest
mental illness and depression rates? Funnily
enough, it's in the upper classes of first world
countries. You see the least depression in third
world countries and the lower classes. Why? Because
the sense of purpose is right in their face.
I got a family to feed. I got a lifetime. When
you start making it and you get complacent, that's
when you sacrifice the one thing that we need.
No other animal needs us. We need food, water,
shelter, but we also need purpose. something
to chase happily, right? And when you become
happy in the chase, you've got it. You talked
about something that I literally wrote about
is that complacency of I got what I wanted, but
I'm getting comfortable and I have to admit to
myself, I was writing a book about when I quit
my job to run my business full time. And this
was I was 20 20 years old, working a nearly six
figure job. But I was terrified at one point.
It dawned on me. It was like almost a year that
I was working there and the months flew by. I
didn't even notice it. I had no recollection
of this year. And I woke up one day and I realized,
holy crap, I'm comfortable here. And I looked
out. I mean, I looked around the people that
work there and there's a bunch of older folk
who were just so mad at everything. They were
just very, very excited. And I realized, why
is this? Again, their soul is demanding from
them passions that they sold out to this corporation.
And I looked at all these faces and I thought,
this job pays just good enough for me to forget
about my passions for the next 60 years and end
up just like this. And it will do that. I looked
at all those old grumpy faces and they were like
mirrors. That very same day I went into my manager's
office and I said, I quit, put me up for do not
rehire. I don't ever want to be able to come
back here. I focused on my business entirely
and I failed a lot, but that's what it takes.
Right. It does take that. It does take that.
It takes that, that failure to figure out everything.
You know, like I was, I tell people I changed
my LinkedIn profile a thousand times and I wasn't
ashamed of it. because I had to get the groove,
you know? I had to get the rest of the employee
mentality out of me, you know? And we get that
way, you know? And it's good. It's good because
then you're not fine. I'm not fine at being complacent.
That's the only thing I'm not fine at is being
complacent. Just, you know, just doing things
simply. I'm not happy with that. So I want to
perform. The way that people are in other countries,
you know why they do that? They're so, you know,
busy is because they satisfy all the pillars
of their lives, every pillar. Creativity, their
drawing or their, you know, writing or their,
you know, artistry or they're playing piano.
All of those areas are touched. They're all touched
because their purpose is always pouring out because
they're always doing doing something that's the
major part of their lives. So we're not in here,
out here? No. Oh, we're in front of the sun,
we're gonna lay down or, you know, like right
now it's raining. The other day, me and my granddaughter
went out and I said, let's go out and play in
the rain. And she was like, really? I said, yeah,
let's go. So we go out, we're like literally,
I mean, I have the dog and everything, we're
splashing the puddles, we're jumping in the puddles
and everybody's like, hmm. That's the most important
thing, you know, and we... I mean, I love when
it happens to me as well, because one of the
main things that I'll never abandon is that childlike
wonder and fun and excitement that you have with
the world. Who cares if you get a little wet
plant in the rain? Who cares if you got to jump
a fence or two? Who cares if you got to do this
or that? Whatever, man. That's part of the beauty
of life. And I spent a lot of time, especially
early in my career and in my journey, you got
to realize. I had a whole family to support as
an only child of immigrants that I could not
accept my family working like that. And we almost
went homeless. I had a lot of pressure to succeed.
So I started my first business at 16. But I realized
for a little bit that I was so obsessed with
the chase of success that I found myself being
miserable. I felt like I was 50 years old and
I was 18. You know, it was crazy. And it was
then that I realized, wait a second. The whole
reason why I became an entrepreneur was to walk
my own way, not be locked in by life. What's
the point? I'm not even happy in the chase. 99
% of life is pursuit. 1 % is attaining. The key
to happiness is learning to love the pursuit,
learning to love the walk and the journey and
the rain and the messiness and the mud. Love
all that stuff because only you can feel that.
When you're working for that corporation or you're
walking somewhere else's dream and forgetting
about your own, you don't get any of that stuff,
man. You got to fall in love with the rain. You
got to fall in love with the failure and struggle
because for the first time in your life, if you're
going to fall, you're going to do it for yourself.
That's what it means to be an entrepreneur. That's
my passion. over -functioning. We do that a lot,
because working is for somebody. Oh, whoa. Am
I the only one here now? Is it still live? That's
funny. I couldn't even hear what she was saying
towards the end. But I'll try to keep this going
in that case. So I think what she was saying,
she was saying a question to the audience about
being overworked and over -performing, what a
lot of people call burnout. And burning out is,
it's not necessarily about working too much.
It's about working your brain too much. When
you've been working to the level where you feel
like all your days are just flying right by and
you're not even feeling what's going on around
you, that is what burnout really looks like.
And that's when you've already gotten to a level
of a lack of control. There's nothing in your
life that's holding you there and causing you
to stay. You have lost control of your consciousness.
You've lost control of your time. And that's
when it's time to wake up and get back into your
pacing. Let me try to connect over here real
quick. It looks like she's just gone. It looks
like she might just be gone for now. I tried
switching my Wi -Fi, so I know it's not my Wi
-Fi. That's funny. Let me just check in over
here to see what's going on. And see if I can
maybe get in contact with her here. Let's see
what's going on. I'm just switching my WiFi one
more time. That's so funny. I'm not sure if she's
going to come back. Am I still live, though?
If you guys are in the chat, just let me know
if you guys can still hear me. There you go.
I can still hear you. I had to jump off here.
You see? Can you still hear me all right? I can
still hear you. OK, did you hear me the whole
time? I was trying to keep the show running.
No, I was blanking here, so I jumped on the laptop.
Yeah, my Wi -Fi was holding on. I switched my
Wi -Fi a couple of times to see if it was me.
Good, that's good. Okay. I was picking up where
you left off. You're talking about over what?
Something overclocked, overburdened? Oh, what
did I say? You're coming out to some heat. You're
coming out to some good. Oh, over -functioning
and avoiding boundaries. Over -functioning and
avoiding boundaries. That's awesome. Absolutely.
Yeah, I see we got some questions in the chat
here coming in or some comments. All right. On
that subject of over -functioning, you know,
One thing I realized every time I travel, I just
came back from Morocco, Portugal, and Spain.
One of the things that I very quickly realized,
especially being in Europe, is the culture is
so different when it comes to money, when it
comes to efficiency. They have a huge focus on
enjoyment, on flowing, on quality of life. They're
not so focused on efficiency in this, get the
best everything, get the best money, get the
best job. we are here in the United States, right?
And while that helps us get ahead in our goals,
it definitely makes us disrespect ourselves by
overstepping our own boundaries to the point
where we are not being healthy at all, right?
We're not enjoying the journey. We're only enjoying
attaining, attaining, attaining, attaining. And
that's like the smallest part of life. You very
rarely attain your goals. Let's be real. Obtaining
your goals is like 1 % of life. And even when
you do, you're on to the next, right? But that's
a beautiful thing. That journey is what gives
the goal meaning. And so as an entrepreneur,
as a leader, and especially as a speaker, your
focus should always be on that journey. It should
be on just falling in love with life. Like you
talked about dancing in the rain, whatever it
is, but those are those moments where you really
know what it is to be a human being. feeling
the rain on your skin, feeling the struggle,
the stress of your job, of your business, and
then feeling the success, the triumph of making
it and going out to celebrate. All those little
things are what add up, right? And again, when
you're a leader, when you're an entrepreneur
or an author or writer or speaker, whatever it
is, you need to fully embody that because you
really are out on your own, and that's amazing.
That's cool. So we're at the top of our Flash
time. So I wanna give you all something that
you could take with you. And I'm gonna ask my
guest this final question. And I hope, and I
know he has this answer. What's one immediate
action you can take to bring your emotions and
body back into alignment? One thing I always
say, one of the things that has always saved
me from even my deepest and darkest failures
or depressions. we find ourselves in our darkest
moments through stagnancy and comfort. The metals
of your machine have rusted. Move and move aggressively
and move audaciously in that direction that you've
always been thinking about moving in. Do it shamelessly,
right? Change brings happiness into your life.
It wakes you back up. It gets you out of this
zombie mode that happens when you burn out. And
guess what? If you're in the United States, and
you're working 40 hours a week, you're burnt
out. I'm sorry. No way around it. You are. Absolutely.
So again, I will repeat what I always say. Whatever
it is, and you know what it is, because when
I say that you've been procrastinating on something
and it comes to mind, that's the test. If you
thought about something, when I say that you're
procrastinating or holding off, that's your confirmation
that you know it deep inside. Whatever that is,
act on it today. Whatever stuff it is, small,
do something now. Right. That's great. Well,
thank you for joining us today on your next move
lesson. Even with the technical issues that we
had, if you felt yourself recognizing the tensions
in your body, the places you shut down, or the
moments you've been performing, I'm fine. Then
you already took the first step towards emotional
honesty. Remember, your body never lies. And
when you stop... arguing with it, you stop abandoning
yourself, what our guest said today. Before you
go, choose one action that brings your mind,
your body back into alignment, just like our
guest has said. Maybe rest, say no, pause, breathe,
tell the truth, or ask for support. One move
is all it takes to shift everything. So if this
episode spoke to you, share it, play it. and
come back next week for another 15 -minute flash
of truth, transformation, and accountability.
And if you want Sebastian's newest book, we're
going to have the launch time underneath this
video so you can have that. We'll speak to you
real soon. I'm going to say goodbye for now.
Me and my esteemed guest, Sebastian. It's been
an honor. Thank you so much.