WEBVTT 00:00:02.669 --> 00:00:05.669 What if healing didn't start at a therapist office? 00:00:06.209 --> 00:00:10.250 What if it started on a dance floor or on a bike 00:00:10.250 --> 00:00:13.789 built for two? Moving forward, even when they're 00:00:13.789 --> 00:00:17.510 not sure how to go, today's conversation is about 00:00:17.510 --> 00:00:20.929 grief, second chances, and choosing joy after 00:00:20.929 --> 00:00:24.809 loss. The Blank Journal is a heartfelt travel 00:00:24.809 --> 00:00:30.820 memoir that follows Bobby and Tommy. Cranston, 00:00:30.980 --> 00:00:33.799 two people who lost their first spouses to cancer, 00:00:34.799 --> 00:00:37.560 who found each other later in life and decided 00:00:37.560 --> 00:00:40.840 to bike through all 50 states, which I'm anxious 00:00:40.840 --> 00:00:45.740 to hear about, but I also read it. And they were 00:00:45.740 --> 00:00:48.799 on a tandem bike, but this isn't really about 00:00:48.799 --> 00:00:52.219 the book or about biking. It's about what happens 00:00:52.219 --> 00:00:56.079 when life breaks you open and you still decide 00:00:56.079 --> 00:01:00.159 to live fully. Welcome Bob and Tammy Cranston. 00:01:00.719 --> 00:01:04.459 Thank you. Thank you for having us. Okay, so 00:01:04.459 --> 00:01:08.620 tell us a little bit about you. Let's start there. 00:01:09.640 --> 00:01:12.780 Go ahead. Well, we met at a hospice sponsored 00:01:12.780 --> 00:01:14.920 grief support group after losing our spouses 00:01:14.920 --> 00:01:17.500 to cancer just one month apart from each other. 00:01:18.060 --> 00:01:21.560 And, you know, I remember meeting him and thinking, 00:01:21.659 --> 00:01:23.159 well, somebody is going to be really blessed 00:01:23.159 --> 00:01:26.260 to be with him someday. It's not going to be 00:01:26.260 --> 00:01:28.879 me, because I'm not looking. But there was just 00:01:28.879 --> 00:01:32.519 something special that I noticed about him. So 00:01:32.519 --> 00:01:36.180 we went through this grief support group for 00:01:36.180 --> 00:01:41.340 eight weeks. And I noticed that we both were 00:01:41.340 --> 00:01:44.700 healing very healthy. We both were using our 00:01:44.700 --> 00:01:47.299 faith. We both had done a lot of healing before 00:01:47.299 --> 00:01:52.500 we even got there. There is such a thing as anticipatory 00:01:52.500 --> 00:01:57.269 grief. you know, I started grieving the day that 00:01:57.269 --> 00:02:00.769 my former husband got his diagnosis and was told 00:02:00.769 --> 00:02:03.310 that he had less than a year to live. Same here. 00:02:03.549 --> 00:02:06.310 You know, you can't prepare for the loss, but 00:02:06.310 --> 00:02:10.110 there are ways that you start preparing. That's 00:02:10.110 --> 00:02:14.530 very important to say. Yeah, that's good. And 00:02:14.530 --> 00:02:19.169 so, yes, we both really, out of everyone that 00:02:19.169 --> 00:02:22.349 was in the group, we were in a different spot. 00:02:22.520 --> 00:02:25.860 which was very unusual. And the leaders knew 00:02:25.860 --> 00:02:30.419 that and often would allow us to talk more than 00:02:30.419 --> 00:02:33.099 others to try to inspire some of the others. 00:02:34.020 --> 00:02:38.379 And so I did notice that Bob seemed to start 00:02:38.379 --> 00:02:44.280 taking interest in me. And, you know, I pretty 00:02:44.280 --> 00:02:47.400 much just told him that I wasn't interested. 00:02:47.500 --> 00:02:50.580 I don't feel like I have it in me to. love and 00:02:50.580 --> 00:02:54.340 lose again. But we were good friends. But on 00:02:54.340 --> 00:02:57.759 our last meeting, we had to make up a new list 00:02:57.759 --> 00:03:00.620 of what's your new normal going to look like? 00:03:00.699 --> 00:03:03.719 What are the things that you've put off that 00:03:03.719 --> 00:03:08.199 now you can do? And they recommend having some 00:03:08.199 --> 00:03:10.300 fun things on there. Maybe there might be some 00:03:10.300 --> 00:03:13.919 educational ambitions. So I always wanted to 00:03:13.919 --> 00:03:16.400 write a children's story, and I had it on my 00:03:16.400 --> 00:03:20.849 list. I grew up in a dance studio as a kid. I 00:03:20.849 --> 00:03:24.509 was there four days a week, but I never did ballroom 00:03:24.509 --> 00:03:28.550 dancing. I did jazz, tap, LA, toe, all of those 00:03:28.550 --> 00:03:32.129 things. And since ballroom dancing seems to be 00:03:32.129 --> 00:03:35.830 so popular right now with Dancing with the Stars, 00:03:36.189 --> 00:03:39.250 I thought, I wanna do something where I'm moving 00:03:39.250 --> 00:03:42.729 again. I wanna feel alive again. And so I was 00:03:42.729 --> 00:03:44.389 sharing with the class, I signed up for ballroom 00:03:44.389 --> 00:03:48.319 dancing, and then Bob approached me. Yeah. Well, 00:03:48.340 --> 00:03:51.659 what I said to her was my wife, my deceased wife 00:03:51.659 --> 00:03:54.039 and I had always said, well, someday it would 00:03:54.039 --> 00:03:57.080 be fun to learn how to do ballroom dancing. And 00:03:57.080 --> 00:03:59.259 so I asked her, I said, would you mind if I joined 00:03:59.259 --> 00:04:02.860 you in the class? I was a little intimidated 00:04:02.860 --> 00:04:08.819 because she had grown up dancing and I did not. 00:04:09.120 --> 00:04:13.080 I was not a dancer. She said, no, I'll be gentle 00:04:13.080 --> 00:04:16.790 with you. It's great, you know, we're gonna go 00:04:16.790 --> 00:04:20.730 as friends. And so we got to know each other 00:04:20.730 --> 00:04:23.990 in the group and we're both, you know, working 00:04:23.990 --> 00:04:28.910 through our morning together. And we, our group 00:04:28.910 --> 00:04:31.529 would meet on Tuesday evenings. We went straight 00:04:31.529 --> 00:04:33.730 from grief support group to ballroom dancing. 00:04:34.069 --> 00:04:37.310 Same time, same day, just a different place. 00:04:37.410 --> 00:04:42.029 Now we got out the leather sole shoes. And you 00:04:42.029 --> 00:04:45.959 know, I'm so glad that we did it together because 00:04:45.959 --> 00:04:49.699 my emotions and yours too were all over the place. 00:04:49.699 --> 00:04:52.899 And I thought, who else can understand? And I 00:04:52.899 --> 00:04:55.000 wrote about this in the first chapter of the 00:04:55.000 --> 00:04:59.139 book. And I remember that first time I smiled 00:04:59.139 --> 00:05:02.459 and laughed when we bumped into each other, stepped 00:05:02.459 --> 00:05:06.579 on each other's toes and laughed. I stopped and 00:05:06.579 --> 00:05:08.759 then I had tears and started crying. And I thought, 00:05:08.920 --> 00:05:13.060 should I be laughing? Does that feel right? And 00:05:13.060 --> 00:05:16.199 then I had to tell myself, I had to give myself 00:05:16.199 --> 00:05:20.220 permission. Yes, this is what Larry would want. 00:05:20.779 --> 00:05:25.019 He wants me to find joy again. And so we continued 00:05:25.019 --> 00:05:27.079 to take the dance lessons. And then it was like, 00:05:27.079 --> 00:05:30.399 well, let's go out to eat after dance class, 00:05:30.600 --> 00:05:33.699 still meeting his friends. But then eventually 00:05:33.699 --> 00:05:38.240 the phone call came and he asked to meet me for 00:05:38.240 --> 00:05:42.420 dinner. And I said, like, hmm, let me just be 00:05:42.420 --> 00:05:46.240 frank. Are you asking me out on a date? Are we 00:05:46.240 --> 00:05:48.879 just going to meet for dinner as friends? This 00:05:48.879 --> 00:05:52.560 is a date and I told him, I really need to think 00:05:52.560 --> 00:05:54.639 and pray about this. That changes things for 00:05:54.639 --> 00:05:58.959 me. Right, right, right. So, but. So, we got 00:05:58.959 --> 00:06:02.740 out on a fairly simple restaurant but the food 00:06:02.740 --> 00:06:06.519 was pretty good. Anyway, she kept throwing up 00:06:06.519 --> 00:06:11.939 roadblocks. All go our separate ways. And none 00:06:11.939 --> 00:06:18.439 of them seem very convincing to me. So. Yeah, 00:06:18.439 --> 00:06:21.779 I was trying to push him away and he wasn't having 00:06:21.779 --> 00:06:26.160 it. And really, what was the deal breaker for 00:06:26.160 --> 00:06:29.300 me was that we went to see a Christian counselor 00:06:29.300 --> 00:06:32.560 together and we wanted to make sure that we were 00:06:32.560 --> 00:06:36.889 in a healthy place. I was really wore out. And 00:06:36.889 --> 00:06:39.329 I wanted to make sure that we both were in a 00:06:39.329 --> 00:06:43.649 healthy place. He said yes, he absolutely believed 00:06:43.649 --> 00:06:46.449 that we were. Then I thought, this is going to 00:06:46.449 --> 00:06:49.550 be what's finally going to tell him he needs 00:06:49.550 --> 00:06:52.089 to look somewhere else. I said, I don't think 00:06:52.089 --> 00:06:54.829 we're compatible enough. And so we had us take 00:06:54.829 --> 00:07:02.990 a compatibility test. And then we came back the 00:07:02.990 --> 00:07:06.430 following week. We did this in our own homes. 00:07:06.610 --> 00:07:09.290 We mailed them in. They went to him. We came 00:07:09.290 --> 00:07:12.050 back the following week to get our scores. And 00:07:12.050 --> 00:07:15.350 he said, I've been a Christian counselor for 00:07:15.350 --> 00:07:18.370 over 30 years and I've never seen scores like 00:07:18.370 --> 00:07:22.170 this. And I'm on the edge of my seat, you know, 00:07:22.170 --> 00:07:25.430 wondering what is he going to say? And he said, 00:07:25.689 --> 00:07:29.410 your scores were off the charts. He said 60 is 00:07:29.410 --> 00:07:31.610 a good score for couples who have been married 00:07:31.610 --> 00:07:35.329 and have known each other for a long time. He 00:07:35.329 --> 00:07:37.649 said, are you ready for your scores? And we said, 00:07:37.750 --> 00:07:41.389 absolutely. We had three 100s, two 90s and a 00:07:41.389 --> 00:07:44.129 70 in a category of raising children, which we 00:07:44.129 --> 00:07:51.870 had done together. So I said, I think God is 00:07:51.870 --> 00:07:56.209 opening a door for me and I am not. being willing 00:07:56.209 --> 00:07:59.889 to walk into it. And so that was the eye -opener 00:07:59.889 --> 00:08:03.089 for me. That's cool. So let's talk about the 00:08:03.089 --> 00:08:04.269 grief, because I know you brought that up, the 00:08:04.269 --> 00:08:07.569 grief and the permission to heal. In the book, 00:08:07.810 --> 00:08:12.290 grief isn't something you get over. It's something 00:08:12.290 --> 00:08:17.089 you learn to live alongside. Exactly. Why do 00:08:17.089 --> 00:08:19.949 you think the society struggles so much with 00:08:19.949 --> 00:08:23.389 allowing people to grieve without putting a timeline 00:08:23.389 --> 00:08:26.680 on it? Well, I think that's a good question. 00:08:26.740 --> 00:08:30.500 I think the answer is complicated. But one big 00:08:30.500 --> 00:08:33.259 thing, I think, is that a lot of them don't know 00:08:33.259 --> 00:08:36.059 how to deal with it themselves. And they don't 00:08:36.059 --> 00:08:38.340 know how to help you deal with it. And they would 00:08:38.340 --> 00:08:42.980 rather just let it be silent and pretend like 00:08:42.980 --> 00:08:46.980 it wasn't there. Yes. And we do not give people 00:08:46.980 --> 00:08:51.820 permission to grieve. People are given a very 00:08:51.820 --> 00:08:54.389 short time period off work. and then you're supposed 00:08:54.389 --> 00:08:59.309 to come back and be okay. We both recently got 00:08:59.309 --> 00:09:02.950 certified in grief companioning and just in going 00:09:02.950 --> 00:09:05.230 through that and then I became a trained bereavement 00:09:05.230 --> 00:09:08.549 volunteer, of course Bob's a physician, so we 00:09:08.549 --> 00:09:13.029 both have some background in this now but something 00:09:13.029 --> 00:09:16.529 that really was important for me to learn was 00:09:16.529 --> 00:09:19.169 the difference between grief and mourning because 00:09:19.169 --> 00:09:23.690 grief is all those feelings you feel inside, 00:09:24.009 --> 00:09:27.690 that deep pain, the sadness. The mourning is 00:09:27.690 --> 00:09:30.610 getting it outside of yourself. And you know 00:09:30.610 --> 00:09:33.230 what happens is we show up at the funeral for 00:09:33.230 --> 00:09:37.590 people and then we let those people be on their 00:09:37.590 --> 00:09:42.230 own. We need to set up times to meet with them 00:09:42.230 --> 00:09:45.789 for coffee, lunch or something. People still 00:09:45.789 --> 00:09:50.029 need to talk about. their loved ones and what 00:09:50.029 --> 00:09:53.870 they went through, their experience. And we need 00:09:53.870 --> 00:09:56.870 to give people the time and space to do that. 00:09:56.870 --> 00:10:02.090 So our society is just not allowing people to 00:10:02.090 --> 00:10:05.649 grieve in a healthy way. I like how you took 00:10:05.649 --> 00:10:08.070 apart grief and mourning because they are two 00:10:08.070 --> 00:10:13.409 different things. And we talk about it. but we 00:10:13.409 --> 00:10:16.250 don't talk about what steps there are involved 00:10:16.250 --> 00:10:18.830 in. We give like the numbers, you know, like 00:10:18.830 --> 00:10:20.950 one to 12 steps or whatever the steps are for 00:10:20.950 --> 00:10:23.309 grieving, but we really don't get into it. And 00:10:23.309 --> 00:10:26.149 then we completely take out mourning. Mourning 00:10:26.149 --> 00:10:28.789 is not even a thing. It's not even talked about. 00:10:29.090 --> 00:10:31.470 And that's really a good point that you brought 00:10:31.470 --> 00:10:34.409 to light, that it's not even talked about mourning. 00:10:35.389 --> 00:10:39.559 It's a different thing. So there's an unspoken 00:10:39.559 --> 00:10:43.600 tension people feel after loss, the guilt, like 00:10:43.600 --> 00:10:46.100 you did with the laughing. You started laughing, 00:10:46.220 --> 00:10:49.320 then you started feeling guilty, scared to love 00:10:49.320 --> 00:10:55.279 again, and even living again. How did you model 00:10:55.279 --> 00:10:58.860 a healthier way to move forward? Because I want 00:10:58.860 --> 00:11:03.360 to see how you did that. Well, we always give 00:11:03.360 --> 00:11:05.960 each other permission to talk about our past. 00:11:06.120 --> 00:11:09.559 So Barb and Larry can come up in any conversation. 00:11:10.200 --> 00:11:14.419 And that's very, very healthy. Just because you 00:11:14.419 --> 00:11:17.440 lost someone doesn't mean they're not going to 00:11:17.440 --> 00:11:19.799 be a part of your life the rest of your life. 00:11:20.779 --> 00:11:25.000 You carry them forward with you. So I know Barb 00:11:25.000 --> 00:11:27.659 is a part of him and he knows that Larry's a 00:11:27.659 --> 00:11:30.480 part of me. And he literally said something, 00:11:30.500 --> 00:11:32.740 he's going to thank Larry. He has things that 00:11:32.740 --> 00:11:35.490 he wants to thank him for. And he said that I 00:11:35.490 --> 00:11:38.809 should be happy that Barb worked out the rough 00:11:38.809 --> 00:11:42.629 ideas with him. Some of them, some of them. So, 00:11:42.809 --> 00:11:46.230 you know, that is one thing I think that's very 00:11:46.230 --> 00:11:53.509 healthy in starting over to give the other person 00:11:53.509 --> 00:11:57.830 permission to talk at any time about your past, 00:11:58.289 --> 00:12:02.769 because it's not something that you bury. It's 00:12:02.769 --> 00:12:05.320 always with you. I think one thing that made 00:12:05.320 --> 00:12:07.879 it a little easier for me was Barb and I had 00:12:07.879 --> 00:12:12.740 been married for 33 years. When we found out 00:12:12.740 --> 00:12:16.480 about her terminal diagnosis, and we were sitting 00:12:16.480 --> 00:12:18.879 at the kitchen table just kind of talking, she 00:12:18.879 --> 00:12:21.980 said, you know you'll need to get remarried. 00:12:22.440 --> 00:12:25.659 And I said, why do you say that? She said, because 00:12:25.659 --> 00:12:29.940 that's how you interpret the world. You think 00:12:29.940 --> 00:12:34.500 out loud with another person and you... you're 00:12:34.500 --> 00:12:38.860 going to need that. So in a way, it gave me permission 00:12:38.860 --> 00:12:42.919 to think. And then as Tammy mentioned, anticipatory 00:12:42.919 --> 00:12:47.679 grief and preparatory grief. It's like both sides 00:12:47.679 --> 00:12:51.659 of us are preparing for, as it turns out, about 00:12:51.659 --> 00:12:57.480 a year and a half for the inevitable. So it kind 00:12:57.480 --> 00:13:00.700 of, I mean, it's bittersweet, but it did kind 00:13:00.700 --> 00:13:03.889 of give us permission to move forward. Right? 00:13:05.610 --> 00:13:09.350 With Larry and I, he was told he had less than 00:13:09.350 --> 00:13:11.950 a year to live. And he literally made up his 00:13:11.950 --> 00:13:14.009 bucket list. And that was my first book. It's 00:13:14.009 --> 00:13:16.950 called Why Not Me? It was so inspiring because 00:13:16.950 --> 00:13:19.629 here he is, you know, with stage four cancer, 00:13:19.870 --> 00:13:23.049 hiking mountains, swimming with dolphins. And 00:13:23.049 --> 00:13:27.570 he just had this amazing faith and and spirit. 00:13:27.970 --> 00:13:32.070 I mean, he's so full of joy. Yet he's dying. 00:13:32.399 --> 00:13:37.200 I thought, wow, he's living life. You know, we 00:13:37.200 --> 00:13:39.860 all should be living like we're dying. He literally 00:13:39.860 --> 00:13:43.379 was doing that. And it inspired me so much. And 00:13:43.379 --> 00:13:47.759 then with patients, I learned with them that 00:13:47.759 --> 00:13:51.159 they all have something in common and that's 00:13:51.159 --> 00:13:54.299 regrets. So in moving forward, that's one thing 00:13:54.299 --> 00:13:59.519 that we wanted to do is set those goals. My motto 00:13:59.519 --> 00:14:02.299 is every day, what can I do to minimize my regrets? 00:14:02.940 --> 00:14:05.340 Yeah, that's good. That's good. I don't want 00:14:05.340 --> 00:14:09.200 to have those regrets on my deathbed. Yeah. So 00:14:09.200 --> 00:14:12.919 that was something that we, I don't know if that 00:14:12.919 --> 00:14:15.179 totally answered your question. No, it did. It 00:14:15.179 --> 00:14:19.100 did. It did. With moving forward. Yeah, that's 00:14:19.100 --> 00:14:21.879 good. That's good. So I want to go back to your 00:14:21.879 --> 00:14:24.639 ballroom dancing. Yeah. And I know it wasn't 00:14:24.639 --> 00:14:28.940 therapy. It probably was. Maybe it was in a way. 00:14:29.179 --> 00:14:33.379 But it was a surprising doorway to your new adventure 00:14:33.379 --> 00:14:35.899 and to your life. What does this story teach 00:14:35.899 --> 00:14:39.399 us about being open to healing in unexpected 00:14:39.399 --> 00:14:42.899 forms? Well, I would like to share with you one 00:14:42.899 --> 00:14:47.159 thing that changed me. Sometimes it can be something 00:14:47.159 --> 00:14:50.629 somebody says, something you read. And he was 00:14:50.629 --> 00:14:52.870 reading so many books. I signed up for these 00:14:52.870 --> 00:14:56.289 devotionals through griefshare .org. And one 00:14:56.289 --> 00:14:59.990 in particular got me off the couch. And it said, 00:15:00.009 --> 00:15:03.330 it was from Dr. Ray Pritchard, he said, you can't 00:15:03.330 --> 00:15:07.970 go back. You can't stay here. You must move forward. 00:15:08.110 --> 00:15:12.049 Oh, that's good. In the end, you wish you could 00:15:12.049 --> 00:15:14.750 always go back, but that's not how life works. 00:15:14.870 --> 00:15:18.330 That's good. And so I kept thinking about that 00:15:18.330 --> 00:15:21.169 quote. and it got me up off the couch. It's like 00:15:21.169 --> 00:15:23.049 I can't just live the rest of my life laying 00:15:23.049 --> 00:15:27.289 here on the couch. That is dying. I need to focus 00:15:27.289 --> 00:15:30.090 on living. That is what Larry would want. He 00:15:30.090 --> 00:15:35.070 would want me to focus on living. So I was 49 00:15:35.070 --> 00:15:39.730 years old and I still have hopefully a long, 00:15:39.950 --> 00:15:43.230 you know, many years yet to live. So I was very 00:15:43.230 --> 00:15:47.370 focused on living life fully. Yeah, that's good. 00:15:50.480 --> 00:15:54.399 Well, I'm sorry. I was going to say I had a full 00:15:54.399 --> 00:15:57.639 -time job as a neurologist. And my particular 00:15:57.639 --> 00:16:01.559 job, I dealt with a lot of people who were dying. 00:16:02.740 --> 00:16:05.000 I worked in the area of palliative medicine and 00:16:05.000 --> 00:16:08.320 some of the muscular dystrophies. And so one 00:16:08.320 --> 00:16:11.659 thing that helped me was some days when I was 00:16:11.659 --> 00:16:16.820 feeling under pressure and feeling sad, I'd say, 00:16:17.059 --> 00:16:20.679 hey, You have so much to be grateful for. There 00:16:20.679 --> 00:16:24.019 are all these people whose lives are being torn 00:16:24.019 --> 00:16:27.860 apart, and at least you know your wife loved 00:16:27.860 --> 00:16:31.460 you, she cared about you, and you didn't go out 00:16:31.460 --> 00:16:39.019 angry. It's sad, but it's time to move on. We 00:16:39.019 --> 00:16:43.259 find that we do some presentations for different 00:16:43.259 --> 00:16:45.879 groups, but we find there's a lot of people stuck. 00:16:45.899 --> 00:16:51.529 They just They feel like it's disrespectful to 00:16:51.529 --> 00:16:55.250 move forward. And we don't feel that at all. 00:16:55.250 --> 00:16:57.549 It's not disrespectful. We really feel like it's 00:16:57.549 --> 00:17:00.409 what they would want. Yeah, that's good. Your 00:17:00.409 --> 00:17:04.410 story challenges the idea that big dreams don't 00:17:04.410 --> 00:17:08.849 belong to just the young. What message does the 00:17:08.849 --> 00:17:12.990 blank journal send to people in their 50s, 60s, 00:17:13.029 --> 00:17:18.230 and beyond who feel it might be too late? There's 00:17:18.230 --> 00:17:23.109 always something interesting, challenging, inspiring, 00:17:23.950 --> 00:17:27.910 godly to move forward with. Even at the very 00:17:27.910 --> 00:17:30.289 end of life, there are ways you can touch people's 00:17:30.289 --> 00:17:34.589 lives. And we found that setting goals that were 00:17:34.589 --> 00:17:37.950 fun and inspirational was a big part of our healing. 00:17:38.269 --> 00:17:42.130 Yeah. And we are people of faith. And we have 00:17:42.130 --> 00:17:46.410 realized that it's not our story. It's not our 00:17:46.410 --> 00:17:50.869 story. And it's his story. And he's the one that 00:17:50.869 --> 00:17:53.490 knew that we would be a good match. And he's 00:17:53.490 --> 00:17:57.750 the one that brought us together. And so we're 00:17:57.750 --> 00:18:00.190 living his story. It's his story played out in 00:18:00.190 --> 00:18:07.890 our lives. And we really like being active, and 00:18:07.890 --> 00:18:14.450 we really enjoy inspiring other people. That's 00:18:14.450 --> 00:18:17.880 really good. I love that. I hear faith from when 00:18:17.880 --> 00:18:20.960 we first started to the very end, right? So faith 00:18:20.960 --> 00:18:24.259 is present even in your book when I read it. 00:18:25.359 --> 00:18:29.039 But it's grief. It's quiet and it's lived. It's 00:18:29.039 --> 00:18:32.339 quiet. I mean, you guys live it like constantly. 00:18:32.640 --> 00:18:34.720 Everything you did throughout the book, I was 00:18:34.720 --> 00:18:36.880 like, wow, this is faith. This is like faith 00:18:36.880 --> 00:18:39.039 here. Like this is nothing but faith. And now 00:18:39.039 --> 00:18:44.359 you're talking about it. So I'm getting the distinct 00:18:45.960 --> 00:18:49.480 with this wisdom from you that faith isn't just 00:18:49.480 --> 00:18:53.119 talking, it's formative. That's right. Absolutely. 00:18:54.039 --> 00:18:57.559 Okay. Why do you think that that approach that 00:18:57.559 --> 00:19:01.579 you're bringing to us today resonates and should 00:19:01.579 --> 00:19:05.940 resonate with people so deeply? Because I feel 00:19:05.940 --> 00:19:09.579 like everyone's going to go through difficult 00:19:09.579 --> 00:19:15.200 times and changes really hard for people. But 00:19:15.200 --> 00:19:18.440 I know for me it was. I was, you know, avoided 00:19:18.440 --> 00:19:21.559 any costs. But now I've been through it multiple 00:19:21.559 --> 00:19:28.400 times and I've come to rest in the hope and promises 00:19:28.400 --> 00:19:32.099 that I have that I'm going to be taken care of. 00:19:32.160 --> 00:19:34.940 And I don't have to worry about tomorrow because 00:19:34.940 --> 00:19:39.460 I know that he's the one that is the God of new 00:19:39.460 --> 00:19:46.240 beginnings. And I can rebuild my life, however 00:19:46.240 --> 00:19:50.299 many times it takes, I can rebuild my life. Right. 00:19:51.240 --> 00:19:54.599 That's good. I think of Philippians 4 where he 00:19:54.599 --> 00:19:58.619 says, be anxious for nothing but in everything, 00:19:59.400 --> 00:20:02.240 prayer and supplication and thanksgiving. Let 00:20:02.240 --> 00:20:05.279 your requests be known to God and the peace of 00:20:05.279 --> 00:20:09.680 God shall keep you in that situation. I think 00:20:09.680 --> 00:20:12.500 you guys are talking about trusting provision. 00:20:13.049 --> 00:20:15.990 Even though we may not even feel like it sometimes, 00:20:16.049 --> 00:20:19.329 you know? Like we're grieving or we're upset 00:20:19.329 --> 00:20:22.150 or some things are not going right. It's trust 00:20:22.150 --> 00:20:24.049 and provision. I think you guys came into my 00:20:24.049 --> 00:20:27.190 life because I actually am on that journey of 00:20:27.190 --> 00:20:29.910 trust and provision, which is like amazing. You 00:20:29.910 --> 00:20:33.250 know, it gives you like, almost like wings. It 00:20:33.250 --> 00:20:35.349 does. It's like, it gives you those wings. Like 00:20:35.349 --> 00:20:38.170 it feels so light that you don't have to worry 00:20:38.170 --> 00:20:41.710 as you say. Worry about tomorrow. Even the next 00:20:41.710 --> 00:20:44.990 second, you trust in provision. And then it's 00:20:44.990 --> 00:20:47.950 such a, you know, gratitude is such an important 00:20:47.950 --> 00:20:50.690 part of our life because when you do trust and 00:20:50.690 --> 00:20:53.410 you see that he's opened these new doors and 00:20:53.410 --> 00:20:55.789 you've decided to walk through them, it's like, 00:20:56.130 --> 00:20:59.309 how can you not be grateful that he's continuing 00:20:59.309 --> 00:21:03.190 to work in your life? He's healing you. He's 00:21:03.190 --> 00:21:05.670 opening new doors. He's giving you a beautiful 00:21:05.670 --> 00:21:08.609 new life. I mean, he's with you every step of 00:21:08.609 --> 00:21:12.390 the way. and through it all, carrying you through 00:21:12.390 --> 00:21:16.990 the hard times and yet leading you into new valleys 00:21:16.990 --> 00:21:22.210 that you're not even aware of. Our lives are 00:21:22.210 --> 00:21:29.990 a beautiful story. Even the chance to meet with 00:21:29.990 --> 00:21:33.349 you, a woman of faith who is sharing and encouraging 00:21:33.349 --> 00:21:35.789 other people, that's such an encouragement to 00:21:35.789 --> 00:21:39.650 us. to know that you're out there encouraging 00:21:39.650 --> 00:21:43.269 souls in their grief. Yeah, inspiring others. 00:21:43.690 --> 00:21:46.329 Yeah, it's important. It's really, really important. 00:21:47.230 --> 00:21:49.970 I know that it's a difficult thing to get through, 00:21:49.970 --> 00:21:53.289 and we do not want to come across as thinking 00:21:53.289 --> 00:21:57.470 to people that, you know, it's an easy thing. 00:21:59.289 --> 00:22:04.470 I lost my son two years ago, my oldest son. That's 00:22:04.470 --> 00:22:11.920 difficult grief. I'm still really going through 00:22:11.920 --> 00:22:15.000 the mourning. And I feel like I will be my entire 00:22:15.000 --> 00:22:19.019 life with this loss. It's different than any 00:22:19.019 --> 00:22:23.000 others. So we definitely understand grief, but 00:22:23.000 --> 00:22:27.900 I will say we also understand life is for the 00:22:27.900 --> 00:22:30.700 living. And we're here for such a short time. 00:22:32.339 --> 00:22:34.720 Yeah, that's good. Yeah, we are here for a short 00:22:34.720 --> 00:22:37.500 time. If there's something that you could tell 00:22:37.500 --> 00:22:40.960 anyone that's hurting right now and that's hearing 00:22:40.960 --> 00:22:44.440 this or watching this, what would you tell them? 00:22:48.240 --> 00:22:50.779 I think I would tell them that you can't get 00:22:50.779 --> 00:22:56.519 through this by yourself. You need God and you 00:22:56.519 --> 00:23:00.920 need other people and you need time and you need 00:23:00.920 --> 00:23:04.529 to actively work on the whole thing. Yes. It 00:23:04.529 --> 00:23:08.569 doesn't just drop into your lap. Right. I would 00:23:08.569 --> 00:23:11.130 also add that something that we learned in our 00:23:11.130 --> 00:23:14.789 training is that from Dr. Alan Wolfelt, he's 00:23:14.789 --> 00:23:18.710 an expert and has so many books on Greek. He 00:23:18.710 --> 00:23:21.750 said, divide the people up in your life in thirds. 00:23:22.089 --> 00:23:24.130 There's going to be one third that are going 00:23:24.130 --> 00:23:27.390 to be very helpful, friends that are going to 00:23:27.390 --> 00:23:30.289 be listening to you. And then you're going to 00:23:30.289 --> 00:23:33.079 have the one third that are just neutral. don't 00:23:33.079 --> 00:23:35.440 really show up at all. And then you're going 00:23:35.440 --> 00:23:39.079 to have the third that are not helpful, that 00:23:39.079 --> 00:23:42.059 say the wrong things, that say they're in a better 00:23:42.059 --> 00:23:44.559 place or things that you don't want to hear that 00:23:44.559 --> 00:23:47.079 are not helpful to you, telling you, yes, you 00:23:47.079 --> 00:23:49.019 do need to move forward and you shouldn't be 00:23:49.019 --> 00:23:53.019 grieving. It's been so long. No, forget about 00:23:53.019 --> 00:23:56.460 all those other two thirds and cling to that 00:23:56.460 --> 00:24:01.220 one third of people that will be with you through 00:24:01.220 --> 00:24:06.529 this journey. Hold on to them dearly. Yeah that 00:24:06.529 --> 00:24:09.089 people that sincerely ask you how you're doing 00:24:09.089 --> 00:24:11.910 and say I Really would love to share with you 00:24:11.910 --> 00:24:15.690 how I'm doing Yeah, don't just say okay as you're 00:24:15.690 --> 00:24:18.109 passing by say I would really like to set up 00:24:18.109 --> 00:24:21.569 a time to talk with you Yeah, really care. Yeah 00:24:21.819 --> 00:24:24.720 That's beautiful. Well, I want to tell you, this 00:24:24.720 --> 00:24:26.619 is the part of audience, this is the part that 00:24:26.619 --> 00:24:28.500 I tell you all about what I learned out of the 00:24:28.500 --> 00:24:31.279 book. Because I do read every book. So you're 00:24:31.279 --> 00:24:34.220 ready for this? So what stayed with me the most 00:24:34.220 --> 00:24:37.940 is healing doesn't mean erasing the past. And 00:24:37.940 --> 00:24:41.720 I think that's number one for me, because I always 00:24:41.720 --> 00:24:44.640 thought that you had to forget them because you 00:24:44.640 --> 00:24:48.779 always start crying. You start showing emotions. 00:24:50.380 --> 00:24:53.700 your book reflected that it doesn't erase it, 00:24:53.819 --> 00:24:56.799 doesn't erase who they are. It means something 00:24:56.799 --> 00:24:59.519 different right now. So that really helped me. 00:24:59.599 --> 00:25:02.660 It means carrying it with tenderness while choosing 00:25:02.660 --> 00:25:10.039 joy anyway. Anyway. That's tough. Anyway. And 00:25:10.039 --> 00:25:13.000 this book reminded me that joy doesn't dishonor 00:25:13.000 --> 00:25:17.180 grief. It doesn't. That's a great point. It doesn't, 00:25:17.180 --> 00:25:20.619 it doesn't. Love doesn't replace what was lost, 00:25:20.940 --> 00:25:23.660 which you just said. Yeah, you just said that, 00:25:24.039 --> 00:25:26.599 yeah. Yeah, thank you for noticing those things 00:25:26.599 --> 00:25:29.720 in the book. They are so true. Yeah, it doesn't. 00:25:29.920 --> 00:25:32.339 And starting over doesn't mean starting from 00:25:32.339 --> 00:25:39.740 scratch. Yes. It was so refreshing to hear, you 00:25:39.740 --> 00:25:42.099 know, just to get that. It doesn't mean, because, 00:25:42.240 --> 00:25:44.960 you know, when you say starting over, You think 00:25:44.960 --> 00:25:48.880 of erasing everything. I just, no, starting from 00:25:48.880 --> 00:25:51.980 that point, which is great for me, you can bring 00:25:51.980 --> 00:25:55.799 all the joy from where you are and who you are. 00:25:56.140 --> 00:25:59.339 Whether you lost a spouse, a dream, a season 00:25:59.339 --> 00:26:03.240 of life, or even your sense of direction, this 00:26:03.240 --> 00:26:07.200 story gently whispers, you're allowed to live 00:26:07.200 --> 00:26:11.200 again. And that's what is the most important 00:26:11.200 --> 00:26:15.529 in this whole book. We did not walk away from 00:26:15.529 --> 00:26:18.609 the families of our former spouses. In fact, 00:26:18.690 --> 00:26:21.549 when we got married, we had them give us away. 00:26:22.549 --> 00:26:26.309 They stood up to give us away. That is beautiful. 00:26:26.490 --> 00:26:29.069 Yeah, it really was. And we had a great party 00:26:29.069 --> 00:26:35.349 afterwards. Just being together, eating and dancing 00:26:35.349 --> 00:26:38.269 and having fun. Yeah, they knew what we had been 00:26:38.269 --> 00:26:41.720 through. We talked to all of them. We had their 00:26:41.720 --> 00:26:44.319 blessings and they were happy for us. Oh, that's 00:26:44.319 --> 00:26:47.619 beautiful. So you let me ask you a question. 00:26:47.779 --> 00:26:50.759 The sidebar. Do you do like relationship coaching? 00:26:51.680 --> 00:26:55.900 So we know. No, we don't, but Tammy especially 00:26:55.900 --> 00:26:59.700 has been more public speaking. OK, OK. Women's 00:26:59.700 --> 00:27:02.359 groups. I talked a little bit to some groups 00:27:02.359 --> 00:27:07.599 about. Medical aspects have done OK. So yes, 00:27:07.599 --> 00:27:12.140 I like to do like women's retreats. And I just 00:27:12.140 --> 00:27:14.660 feel really comfortable, you know, talking with 00:27:14.660 --> 00:27:17.380 the women. And when it's just women, they're 00:27:17.380 --> 00:27:20.500 just, they tend to be more open. We can share 00:27:20.500 --> 00:27:23.619 each other's stories. And you know, they find 00:27:23.619 --> 00:27:28.000 my story very inspiring. And, you know, I was 00:27:28.000 --> 00:27:30.619 one who always felt like my talent was writing. 00:27:30.700 --> 00:27:33.119 That's why I wanted to write the book. Bob and 00:27:33.119 --> 00:27:36.400 I, in fact, were just keeping Shutterfly books, 00:27:36.579 --> 00:27:38.940 are you familiar with Shutterfly? We were keeping 00:27:38.940 --> 00:27:41.240 records just ourselves, you know, these beautiful 00:27:41.240 --> 00:27:45.359 Shutterfly books. And I said, this is a story 00:27:45.359 --> 00:27:47.920 we really should share. I really think it could 00:27:47.920 --> 00:27:50.779 inspire others. So that's when we decided about 00:27:50.779 --> 00:27:54.660 halfway through the biking, we decided to start 00:27:54.660 --> 00:27:59.420 writing. But I was not even planning on doing 00:27:59.420 --> 00:28:02.519 public speaking until someone read the book. 00:28:02.910 --> 00:28:06.569 my first book, Why Not Me? Why Not Me by Tammy 00:28:06.569 --> 00:28:10.369 Cranston was my first book, my journey with Larry. 00:28:10.950 --> 00:28:12.849 And after someone read that book, they asked 00:28:12.849 --> 00:28:16.569 me, would you be willing to come and speak at 00:28:16.569 --> 00:28:19.390 this women's retreat? And then once I did and 00:28:19.390 --> 00:28:25.170 I found that I was inspiring these other women 00:28:25.170 --> 00:28:28.230 and I got feedback from them, I thought, I'll 00:28:28.230 --> 00:28:32.839 do whatever it takes. If I can help someone that 00:28:32.839 --> 00:28:35.859 feels stuck in life to move forward and find 00:28:35.859 --> 00:28:39.039 joy again, if I can be an instrument in whatever 00:28:39.039 --> 00:28:42.039 way it takes, unwilling. That's great. That's 00:28:42.039 --> 00:28:44.660 beautiful. Well, audience, this has been really 00:28:44.660 --> 00:28:47.579 great. This is a heartwarming session, and I 00:28:47.579 --> 00:28:50.359 really love what you've been saying, Bob and 00:28:50.359 --> 00:28:53.880 Tammy. It's been great with you. And you will 00:28:53.880 --> 00:28:57.160 please get their book, The Blank Journal. It's 00:28:57.160 --> 00:29:00.539 now blank. Blank Journal, writing in all 50 states 00:29:00.539 --> 00:29:03.799 and so much more. Yes, it's so much more. It's 00:29:03.799 --> 00:29:07.920 so much more about biking. Yes, yes. So if this 00:29:07.920 --> 00:29:10.160 episode stirred something in you, if it made 00:29:10.160 --> 00:29:12.539 you think of someone you love, someone you lost, 00:29:12.640 --> 00:29:15.359 a dream you've been putting on hold, I invite 00:29:15.359 --> 00:29:18.740 you to sit with that feeling for a moment. And 00:29:18.740 --> 00:29:20.700 if you believe someone else needs this message, 00:29:20.900 --> 00:29:23.440 please share it with them. And I really enjoyed 00:29:23.440 --> 00:29:26.660 this conversation. I hope you did. Oh, absolutely. 00:29:27.519 --> 00:29:30.640 Thank you so much for having us. And we really 00:29:30.640 --> 00:29:33.220 appreciate you. And thanks, audience, for hanging 00:29:33.220 --> 00:29:35.940 in there with us. And we're going to bid you 00:29:35.940 --> 00:29:38.740 adieu. Bye for now. Thank you so much. OK, bye 00:29:38.740 --> 00:29:39.680 bye. Bye bye now.