WEBVTT 00:00:03.950 --> 00:00:06.509 Hello and welcome back to Keeping It Real On 00:00:06.509 --> 00:00:10.929 Purpose. You know, we talk a lot about authenticity, 00:00:11.449 --> 00:00:16.670 my tongue tied today, and take ownership on this 00:00:16.670 --> 00:00:18.530 show. We're gonna take ownership on this show 00:00:18.530 --> 00:00:21.609 today because we have a great guest. But what 00:00:21.609 --> 00:00:23.910 happens when you're doing all the personal work 00:00:23.910 --> 00:00:26.690 and you still have to walk into a toxic meeting 00:00:26.690 --> 00:00:30.250 or handle a colleague who's constantly derailing 00:00:30.250 --> 00:00:33.310 things? How do you keep it real without losing 00:00:33.310 --> 00:00:36.929 your job or your sanity? Great question, right? 00:00:37.590 --> 00:00:40.549 That is exactly why I'm thrilled to introduce 00:00:40.549 --> 00:00:43.929 my guest tonight. She's an author, a coach, and 00:00:43.929 --> 00:00:47.490 an absolute powerhouse. The emotional intelligence 00:00:47.490 --> 00:00:53.310 specialist, Amy Jacobson. Amy's entire philosophy 00:00:53.310 --> 00:00:59.210 is centered on giving people the tools to truly 00:00:59.210 --> 00:01:02.259 own their shit. Don't think I didn't see that 00:01:02.259 --> 00:01:05.840 on the website. Take control and be unstoppable. 00:01:06.780 --> 00:01:09.719 Her work beautifully bridges the gap between 00:01:09.719 --> 00:01:12.799 what is happening in our brain and how we show 00:01:12.799 --> 00:01:15.739 up in the workplace, especially when things get 00:01:15.739 --> 00:01:19.280 messy. Her books, including Emotional Intelligence 00:01:19.280 --> 00:01:26.480 Advantage. I got that. A mandatory reading for 00:01:26.480 --> 00:01:29.890 anyone who wants to stop being reactive. and 00:01:29.890 --> 00:01:33.849 start being strategic. Amy, welcome to the show. 00:01:34.790 --> 00:01:36.769 Thank you so much for having me, Edna. It's great 00:01:36.769 --> 00:01:40.430 to be here. I am excited to have you on. So I 00:01:40.430 --> 00:01:42.590 was reading your book. I really was. I was like, 00:01:42.870 --> 00:01:48.349 the title can't be that simple. It can't be that 00:01:48.349 --> 00:01:53.069 simple. But, you know, I work on my emotional 00:01:53.069 --> 00:01:55.489 intelligence all the time, all the time. It's 00:01:55.489 --> 00:01:58.099 always inner work. You know, it's not I'm not 00:01:58.099 --> 00:02:00.319 verbalizing it all the time, but it's internal. 00:02:00.420 --> 00:02:02.560 I'm always doing something internal, you know? 00:02:03.000 --> 00:02:06.200 So I'm working on it all the time. I'm always 00:02:06.200 --> 00:02:09.139 working on it. Reactive. I like how you break 00:02:09.139 --> 00:02:11.900 down reactive. That's a great thing. But tell 00:02:11.900 --> 00:02:13.680 us about yourself, because I'm already started. 00:02:13.819 --> 00:02:17.360 I'm on the roll already. I love that. I love 00:02:17.360 --> 00:02:20.539 the energy that's coming with it. Yes, I'm based 00:02:20.539 --> 00:02:23.939 in Australia, as you said. absolutely fascinated 00:02:23.939 --> 00:02:26.319 with the mind. So the emotional intelligence 00:02:26.319 --> 00:02:29.000 side, I think, you know, coming from the corporate 00:02:29.000 --> 00:02:32.219 world and working in those areas for so long, 00:02:32.780 --> 00:02:36.060 it just become really evident that a lot of the 00:02:36.060 --> 00:02:38.560 time it's not, you know, what we're selling. 00:02:38.879 --> 00:02:41.199 It's not the business we're working in. It's 00:02:41.229 --> 00:02:43.349 how the people are communicating and how the 00:02:43.349 --> 00:02:45.610 people are actually working together that determines 00:02:45.610 --> 00:02:48.669 whether the business is success or not. And it's 00:02:48.669 --> 00:02:50.330 always, you know, when you look at those workplace 00:02:50.330 --> 00:02:54.710 environments, we throw together some of the oddest 00:02:54.710 --> 00:02:57.930 mix of people, you know, people from completely 00:02:57.930 --> 00:03:01.210 different skill sets, backgrounds, and we just 00:03:01.210 --> 00:03:04.509 expect them to get along instantly. It's like, 00:03:04.509 --> 00:03:06.009 you know, we're gonna put you in the same area. 00:03:06.069 --> 00:03:08.310 We're gonna have you doing the same thing and 00:03:08.310 --> 00:03:11.129 just do it and do it well. And when you bring 00:03:11.129 --> 00:03:13.689 human beings together, it's just not that easy. 00:03:15.590 --> 00:03:19.150 It's not. And I think, you know, workplaces these 00:03:19.150 --> 00:03:23.370 days, they're changing and in a really positive 00:03:23.370 --> 00:03:27.889 way, excuse me, really positive way in that we're 00:03:27.889 --> 00:03:30.449 encouraging people to have a voice, we're encouraging 00:03:30.449 --> 00:03:33.210 people to be themselves, we're encouraging people 00:03:33.210 --> 00:03:35.449 to bring their whole selves to work and speak 00:03:35.449 --> 00:03:39.270 up. But with that comes a lot of different opinions. 00:03:39.949 --> 00:03:42.669 With that comes a lot of different ideas as well. 00:03:43.210 --> 00:03:45.930 So we're seeing emotional intelligence just become 00:03:45.930 --> 00:03:49.409 more and more important in the workplace while 00:03:49.409 --> 00:03:52.650 we're asking people to be more authentic. Because 00:03:52.650 --> 00:03:54.849 when somebody has a different opinion to you 00:03:54.849 --> 00:03:57.229 or has a different style to you or has a different 00:03:57.229 --> 00:04:00.229 approach to you, it's going to take your emotional 00:04:00.229 --> 00:04:02.430 intelligence to be able to work out the best 00:04:02.430 --> 00:04:05.069 way to work with them and to be able to leverage 00:04:05.069 --> 00:04:07.750 that rather than to push against it or defend 00:04:07.750 --> 00:04:11.250 against it. That's good. That's good. So your 00:04:11.250 --> 00:04:16.529 philosophy about owning your shit. In the modern 00:04:16.529 --> 00:04:19.879 workplace, what boundaries are critical? How 00:04:19.879 --> 00:04:23.180 do we differentiate between truly owning our 00:04:23.180 --> 00:04:27.420 reactions and behaviors versus taking responsibility 00:04:27.420 --> 00:04:30.519 or accepting blame for things that are clearly 00:04:30.519 --> 00:04:35.259 not our fault? When I talk about owning your 00:04:35.259 --> 00:04:38.259 shit, the reason why I love, and this is why 00:04:38.259 --> 00:04:40.379 I come from this angle, right, is because a lot 00:04:40.379 --> 00:04:42.420 of the time when we hear emotional intelligence, 00:04:42.720 --> 00:04:45.300 people seem to think it's, you know, soft and 00:04:45.300 --> 00:04:48.610 fluffy. Right. no rainbows and lollipops. And 00:04:48.610 --> 00:04:50.449 don't get me wrong, you know, that positive side 00:04:50.449 --> 00:04:52.629 in emotional intelligence is really important. 00:04:53.370 --> 00:04:56.629 But first and foremost, it comes down to you 00:04:56.629 --> 00:04:59.829 understanding what makes you tick and taking 00:04:59.829 --> 00:05:01.889 that responsibility and that accountability. 00:05:02.050 --> 00:05:05.990 And I think, you know, in every situation, we 00:05:05.990 --> 00:05:09.879 play a role. we play a role, and there are absolutely 00:05:09.879 --> 00:05:13.420 some situations where you know that, you know, 00:05:13.420 --> 00:05:16.199 you might not be the person that is in the wrong, 00:05:16.459 --> 00:05:18.899 you know, there may be somebody else who is really 00:05:18.899 --> 00:05:21.180 not being emotionally intelligent in that situation, 00:05:21.500 --> 00:05:25.300 but we always play a role. And I think getting 00:05:25.300 --> 00:05:27.939 people to understand that, a lot of the times 00:05:27.939 --> 00:05:31.310 when I work with organizations, we are so quick 00:05:31.310 --> 00:05:34.610 as human beings to point the finger, to say it's 00:05:34.610 --> 00:05:36.949 somebody else's fault. And that's a natural human 00:05:36.949 --> 00:05:39.970 reaction, right? Like we've been brought up, 00:05:39.970 --> 00:05:43.290 we've been wired to be right. So we don't like 00:05:43.290 --> 00:05:45.649 to be wrong and we don't like to be the person 00:05:45.649 --> 00:05:50.329 at fault. So it's a defect of the mind to say, 00:05:50.610 --> 00:05:53.230 it's not me, it wasn't me, it's you. And that 00:05:53.230 --> 00:05:54.790 makes it so much easier because it means we don't 00:05:54.790 --> 00:05:56.529 have to do anything about it. We don't have to 00:05:56.529 --> 00:06:00.709 do a thing, right? Yeah. In every situation, 00:06:01.069 --> 00:06:04.069 we play a role and whether that is choosing how 00:06:04.069 --> 00:06:06.649 we respond when that person is not being emotionally 00:06:06.649 --> 00:06:09.209 intelligent, whether that's, you know, choosing 00:06:09.209 --> 00:06:12.329 the way that we communicate or respond, it's 00:06:12.329 --> 00:06:14.970 always going to be a part and we've got to own 00:06:14.970 --> 00:06:17.509 that. And I think when we look at these workplaces, 00:06:17.910 --> 00:06:19.750 a conversation I had literally only a couple 00:06:19.750 --> 00:06:23.569 of weeks ago with a client who is experiencing 00:06:23.569 --> 00:06:27.310 burnout, who is experiencing just being overloaded. 00:06:27.310 --> 00:06:29.949 and there's so much on their plate and they're 00:06:29.949 --> 00:06:32.910 understaffed. And you look at the whole, the 00:06:32.910 --> 00:06:35.430 culture is not great. The culture is quite toxic. 00:06:36.189 --> 00:06:38.750 But the first thing that I said to her, and I 00:06:38.750 --> 00:06:40.550 know her quite well, but the first thing I said 00:06:40.550 --> 00:06:42.810 to her when she just burst into tears and said, 00:06:42.870 --> 00:06:47.370 Amy, I am so burnt out, is there's only one reason 00:06:47.370 --> 00:06:51.009 why you're burnt out. And that is because you've 00:06:51.009 --> 00:06:55.610 let it happen. You can't be burnt out unless 00:06:55.610 --> 00:06:59.149 you have let it happen. And yet the circumstances 00:06:59.149 --> 00:07:01.550 that are around, that doesn't make them right. 00:07:01.930 --> 00:07:04.649 Like, yeah, you're in a poor environment. You're 00:07:04.649 --> 00:07:07.430 overloaded. You're understaffed. And I said, 00:07:07.949 --> 00:07:10.490 but at the end of the day, you've chosen not 00:07:10.490 --> 00:07:13.370 to do anything about that. You've chosen to say 00:07:13.370 --> 00:07:15.850 yes. You've chosen to let that come on top of 00:07:15.850 --> 00:07:19.230 you. Absolutely. And that's what I mean by you've 00:07:19.230 --> 00:07:21.949 got to own your own shit first because you are 00:07:21.949 --> 00:07:24.110 not going to change anybody else in this world. 00:07:24.430 --> 00:07:26.930 You cannot control and you cannot change anybody 00:07:26.930 --> 00:07:30.790 else. So start with yourself and take the responsibility 00:07:30.790 --> 00:07:33.930 to really own your shit and own your responsibility 00:07:33.930 --> 00:07:36.889 in the situation before you start worrying about 00:07:36.889 --> 00:07:41.250 what other people are or aren't doing. True that. 00:07:41.269 --> 00:07:42.829 I'm going to tell you that is very true because 00:07:42.829 --> 00:07:48.170 I know that when I did go back to work, The management 00:07:48.170 --> 00:07:53.050 was toxic, but I had to take accountability for, 00:07:53.850 --> 00:07:56.790 hey, I know they're toxic, you know, and I'm 00:07:56.790 --> 00:08:00.449 letting them get to me. And should I stay in 00:08:00.449 --> 00:08:03.970 this, you know? That's right. And my ego was 00:08:03.970 --> 00:08:06.430 like, I could change them because I'm so positive. 00:08:07.189 --> 00:08:09.870 Yeah, okay. Yeah, it didn't work. That didn't 00:08:09.870 --> 00:08:13.050 work. All it did was train me and it burnt me 00:08:13.050 --> 00:08:16.730 out because I was... I was doubling my energy, 00:08:16.829 --> 00:08:19.790 you know, to drown their any energy out, but 00:08:19.790 --> 00:08:22.310 they were like that. They vibrate low anyway. 00:08:22.410 --> 00:08:27.329 So it's like, it doesn't bother them. So I had 00:08:27.329 --> 00:08:30.730 to make some big choices and say, hey, I got 00:08:30.730 --> 00:08:33.830 to take responsibility because I'm seeing the 00:08:33.830 --> 00:08:36.710 red flags and I'm just saying, I'm collecting 00:08:36.710 --> 00:08:38.570 them, putting them in the backseat, you know, 00:08:38.710 --> 00:08:41.570 I'm riding around with them, you know. And you 00:08:41.570 --> 00:08:44.389 can't do that. Once you see the red flags, you 00:08:44.389 --> 00:08:46.929 can't collect the red flags. You've got to either 00:08:46.929 --> 00:08:50.850 correct them, but don't collect them, or do something 00:08:50.850 --> 00:08:52.850 about it that you don't have to deal with it. 00:08:53.070 --> 00:08:55.950 That's really it. Exactly right. And I think 00:08:55.950 --> 00:08:58.590 that's a really common experience that people 00:08:58.590 --> 00:09:00.990 have, Edna, when they know they're in a toxic 00:09:00.990 --> 00:09:03.250 environment or they know that their manager or 00:09:03.250 --> 00:09:05.769 their leader isn't a great leader or a manager. 00:09:06.459 --> 00:09:08.440 you've got to make a choice and there usually 00:09:08.440 --> 00:09:10.600 is you know those three choices that you've got 00:09:10.600 --> 00:09:13.669 there like you want to speak up, you want to 00:09:13.669 --> 00:09:16.590 flag it, you want to influence, you want to, 00:09:16.590 --> 00:09:18.730 you know, to manage up and do as best as you 00:09:18.730 --> 00:09:20.710 can to help them. Because sometimes those people 00:09:20.710 --> 00:09:22.730 are not aware of it, that they don't know what 00:09:22.730 --> 00:09:25.429 they don't know, right? But once you've attempted 00:09:25.429 --> 00:09:30.330 that a couple of times, you've got to accept 00:09:30.330 --> 00:09:32.909 it, right? Like you've got to accept that this 00:09:32.909 --> 00:09:35.669 is how it is going to be. And now I need to either 00:09:35.669 --> 00:09:38.509 choose to stay and be compliant with that and 00:09:38.509 --> 00:09:40.470 accept the fact that this is how it's going to 00:09:40.470 --> 00:09:42.149 be. nothing is going to change, they are not 00:09:42.149 --> 00:09:44.710 going to change. And therefore I need to adapt 00:09:44.710 --> 00:09:49.470 or I need to walk away. And that's a tough call, 00:09:49.529 --> 00:09:52.309 but you know, sometimes I have these conversations 00:09:52.309 --> 00:09:54.009 with people and they're like, yeah, but I shouldn't 00:09:54.009 --> 00:09:56.429 have to leave. And I said, it doesn't come down 00:09:56.429 --> 00:09:59.690 to what should or shouldn't happen. This is reality, 00:09:59.909 --> 00:10:05.149 reality. That person's not going to change. That 00:10:05.149 --> 00:10:08.049 person's not leaving. So you either get on board 00:10:08.049 --> 00:10:11.679 and turn up and adapt to that. or you walk away. 00:10:12.080 --> 00:10:14.440 They are your choices. That's right. That's right. 00:10:14.679 --> 00:10:17.759 There's nothing else. And I know that I've talked 00:10:17.759 --> 00:10:20.620 to some people with some of my clients because 00:10:20.620 --> 00:10:24.220 a lot of my clients are either transitioning 00:10:24.220 --> 00:10:26.620 into entrepreneurship or they're coming from 00:10:26.620 --> 00:10:28.480 the corporate world and they're transitioning 00:10:28.480 --> 00:10:31.519 into their own business or whatever they want 00:10:31.519 --> 00:10:37.059 to do. The first words, I hate my job. I hate 00:10:37.059 --> 00:10:40.100 it. But economically, I got to stay there. I 00:10:40.100 --> 00:10:45.220 said, do you? I said, do you? I said, if you 00:10:45.220 --> 00:10:48.080 get sick, you pay more in your sickness than 00:10:48.080 --> 00:10:51.120 you do pay in your wellness. That's right. I 00:10:51.120 --> 00:10:55.580 never thought about that. So I understand that. 00:10:55.620 --> 00:11:00.519 I hear that a lot as I know you do as well. So 00:11:00.519 --> 00:11:06.840 I want to pivot a little bit to types of workplace 00:11:06.840 --> 00:11:10.399 changes that you wrote about. Someone is actively 00:11:10.399 --> 00:11:13.860 trying to provoke you. And you know, we've all 00:11:13.860 --> 00:11:16.860 been there. Someone is deliberately manipulating 00:11:16.860 --> 00:11:20.279 or emotionally aggressive. How do you leverage 00:11:20.279 --> 00:11:23.320 emotional intelligence in that moment so it acts 00:11:23.320 --> 00:11:26.480 as an advantage rather than making you vulnerable 00:11:26.480 --> 00:11:30.799 or a target? So this is tough, right? And I think 00:11:30.799 --> 00:11:34.220 it's important to understand that the emotional 00:11:34.220 --> 00:11:41.990 brain plays a huge role in our body. So to think 00:11:41.990 --> 00:11:43.870 that you're going to get it right every single 00:11:43.870 --> 00:11:46.830 time first go is not realistic. There are going 00:11:46.830 --> 00:11:49.289 to be times that the way in which we are wired, 00:11:49.289 --> 00:11:51.970 we have something called an emotional hijack 00:11:51.970 --> 00:11:54.309 where our emotional brain can take over our logical 00:11:54.309 --> 00:11:57.309 brain and it does it quite frequently. So I think 00:11:57.309 --> 00:11:59.610 the first thing that I always say to people is 00:11:59.610 --> 00:12:01.769 to know that this isn't something that you're 00:12:01.769 --> 00:12:03.870 going to be able to master and then forever get 00:12:03.870 --> 00:12:08.299 right. It just doesn't work like that. practicing 00:12:08.299 --> 00:12:10.940 it and understanding and being able to recognize 00:12:10.940 --> 00:12:13.879 when your emotional brain is stepping in and 00:12:13.879 --> 00:12:16.799 driving rather than your logical brain. So when 00:12:16.799 --> 00:12:19.019 you're confronted with somebody who is really 00:12:19.019 --> 00:12:22.539 pushing your buttons or challenging you, it quite 00:12:22.539 --> 00:12:25.139 often the part that they're pushing or those 00:12:25.139 --> 00:12:27.159 buttons that they're pushing are in our emotional 00:12:27.159 --> 00:12:31.320 brain rather than our logical brain. So to respond 00:12:31.320 --> 00:12:34.039 with logic becomes quite hard because as soon 00:12:34.039 --> 00:12:36.559 as that emotional brain has been triggered it 00:12:36.559 --> 00:12:38.899 therefore comes to the forefront and it is driving. 00:12:39.320 --> 00:12:42.259 So you are more likely to respond to somebody 00:12:42.259 --> 00:12:44.899 who has come to you and actually pushed your 00:12:44.899 --> 00:12:47.539 emotions or triggered your emotions. You are 00:12:47.539 --> 00:12:50.440 more likely to respond with your emotional brain. 00:12:51.279 --> 00:12:53.740 That is the one that is at the forefront. So 00:12:53.740 --> 00:12:56.519 the best thing you can possibly do in these situations 00:12:56.519 --> 00:12:59.299 is you really want to focus on the fact that 00:12:59.299 --> 00:13:01.500 the emotional brain is there, but you want to 00:13:01.500 --> 00:13:03.519 engage your logical brain. Now, there's a few 00:13:03.519 --> 00:13:06.100 different ways that we can do this. The first 00:13:06.100 --> 00:13:10.240 thing is pausing and allowing time. So if you 00:13:10.240 --> 00:13:12.500 kind of picture in your mind, you've got this 00:13:12.500 --> 00:13:16.179 kind of like this race against between the emotional 00:13:16.179 --> 00:13:19.340 brain and the logical brain. something that hits 00:13:19.340 --> 00:13:22.059 really hard or kind of offends us or you know 00:13:22.059 --> 00:13:25.019 it's not right or it triggers an emotion. It 00:13:25.019 --> 00:13:27.120 is going to be your emotional brain that responds 00:13:27.120 --> 00:13:29.179 first and then it's going to be followed by your 00:13:29.179 --> 00:13:32.220 logical brain. Gotcha. Now for everyone that 00:13:32.220 --> 00:13:34.220 the speed in which your logical brain comes into 00:13:34.220 --> 00:13:36.779 play is going to be very different, right? So 00:13:36.779 --> 00:13:40.419 when I say pausing, the whole purpose of pausing 00:13:40.419 --> 00:13:43.740 is to allow time for your logical brain to catch 00:13:43.740 --> 00:13:48.070 up and hopefully overtake your emotional brain. 00:13:48.230 --> 00:13:51.289 Now, depending on how intense your emotions are, 00:13:51.330 --> 00:13:53.330 if somebody's triggered an emotional response 00:13:53.330 --> 00:13:57.289 and you're coming at a nine or 10 out of 10 severity 00:13:57.289 --> 00:13:59.870 level with that emotion, then it's going to take 00:13:59.870 --> 00:14:02.690 a fair bit for your logical brain to actually 00:14:02.690 --> 00:14:06.009 get in control of that and be able to move forward. 00:14:06.730 --> 00:14:10.870 So having the ability to be able to just breathe 00:14:10.870 --> 00:14:15.490 three deep breaths and just think about the situation 00:14:15.490 --> 00:14:18.710 before you emotionally respond is giving yourself 00:14:18.710 --> 00:14:22.389 a chance for your logic to kick in. And I was 00:14:22.389 --> 00:14:24.110 listening to a podcast the other week and it 00:14:24.110 --> 00:14:28.029 was it was Breno Brown's latest podcast with 00:14:28.029 --> 00:14:31.950 Diary of a CEO, so Stephen Bartlett. And we know 00:14:31.950 --> 00:14:34.169 that, you know, Brene Brown, when it comes to 00:14:34.169 --> 00:14:37.009 emotions, she, you know, she's the guru. She 00:14:37.009 --> 00:14:39.230 knows emotions inside and out, the true meanings 00:14:39.230 --> 00:14:42.750 of these emotions. Right. And when you listen 00:14:42.750 --> 00:14:45.029 to her speak or when you listen to any podcast 00:14:45.029 --> 00:14:48.110 that she's on, you'll notice that she is the 00:14:48.110 --> 00:14:51.970 master of pausing to the point that when you, 00:14:51.970 --> 00:14:53.889 when I was listening to this podcast, I had to 00:14:53.889 --> 00:14:56.110 check my phone three times to see whether she 00:14:56.110 --> 00:15:02.019 was there. But it shows that she understands 00:15:02.019 --> 00:15:06.279 the impact of the emotional brain so much that 00:15:06.279 --> 00:15:09.980 being able to pause and be comfortable in silence 00:15:09.980 --> 00:15:14.139 while your mind processes what's happening, while 00:15:14.139 --> 00:15:16.980 your logical brain kicks in and says, okay, what 00:15:16.980 --> 00:15:19.340 is happening right here? So when you're in that 00:15:19.340 --> 00:15:22.919 situation, three deep breaths, just allow time 00:15:22.919 --> 00:15:25.919 for it to kick in. The other tip that I would 00:15:25.919 --> 00:15:29.220 say is that If you don't get it right, which 00:15:29.220 --> 00:15:31.519 there is a chance you are not going to get it 00:15:31.519 --> 00:15:34.980 right. The way you then respond when you don't 00:15:34.980 --> 00:15:37.519 get it right is one of the greatest measures 00:15:37.519 --> 00:15:41.039 of emotional intelligence. So having the ability 00:15:41.039 --> 00:15:44.519 when your emotions jump out and you respond in 00:15:44.519 --> 00:15:46.559 a way that you're not happy with either, having 00:15:46.559 --> 00:15:49.360 the ability to stop and turn around to that person 00:15:49.360 --> 00:15:52.220 saying. you know what that that didn't go too 00:15:52.220 --> 00:15:54.559 well or I'm not happy with how I responded can 00:15:54.559 --> 00:15:58.340 I try it again or or I'm sorry or I apologize 00:15:58.340 --> 00:16:02.279 for that situation that holds so much more meaning 00:16:02.279 --> 00:16:04.940 and will gain so much more trust and respect 00:16:04.940 --> 00:16:07.659 from other human beings knowing that a you're 00:16:07.659 --> 00:16:11.120 not perfect but be real and authentic and you're 00:16:11.120 --> 00:16:13.419 not always going to get it right but you have 00:16:13.419 --> 00:16:16.799 the ability to be able to own your shit and know 00:16:16.799 --> 00:16:21.019 I didn't get it right How can I correct that? 00:16:21.139 --> 00:16:23.460 How can I apologize? How can I now move forward 00:16:23.460 --> 00:16:26.120 with it? Right. That's good. That's good. Because 00:16:26.120 --> 00:16:28.899 I was going to ask you about that, some tools. 00:16:28.960 --> 00:16:31.320 So you just gave them to me right away. So audience, 00:16:32.179 --> 00:16:35.399 who feel your brain goes nuclear in seconds. 00:16:35.840 --> 00:16:38.960 This is it. These are the tools. So even if you 00:16:38.960 --> 00:16:41.039 have to rewind this, make sure you write the 00:16:41.039 --> 00:16:43.740 tools down because I was like, yeah, I have been 00:16:43.740 --> 00:16:46.259 doing that. And I'm patting myself in the back 00:16:46.259 --> 00:16:48.759 as you say that, because I'm always thinking, 00:16:48.779 --> 00:16:52.000 you know, because, you know, I'm a Scorpio. I 00:16:52.000 --> 00:16:58.720 tend to be a little bit fiery. And I've learned 00:16:58.720 --> 00:17:04.619 to pause. I think it through. Even when somebody, 00:17:04.980 --> 00:17:07.539 you know, what they call subs, they throw subs 00:17:07.539 --> 00:17:11.660 at you, I learned to think it through because, 00:17:12.039 --> 00:17:14.559 and I call it my old Edna could say some stuff 00:17:14.559 --> 00:17:18.000 that would snatch your soul, but why? Why would 00:17:18.000 --> 00:17:23.099 I expend so much energy to you? I know I can't 00:17:23.099 --> 00:17:25.440 control how you act, but I can control how I 00:17:25.440 --> 00:17:29.269 act and respond. And that pausing. I've been 00:17:29.269 --> 00:17:32.210 doing it for the last year, and it's getting 00:17:32.210 --> 00:17:34.269 better and better. So when you said that, I was 00:17:34.269 --> 00:17:37.329 like, yes. Thank you. Thank you. It's getting 00:17:37.329 --> 00:17:40.410 better and better. I'm learning to pause no matter 00:17:40.410 --> 00:17:43.269 what Sven said. I won't even take a phone call 00:17:43.269 --> 00:17:45.369 if I have to make a decision that hour, that 00:17:45.369 --> 00:17:48.349 second. It's like, no, give me the information. 00:17:48.470 --> 00:17:51.730 I'll figure it out later. But no, I won't make 00:17:51.730 --> 00:17:55.240 a decision right away. Because sometimes you 00:17:55.240 --> 00:17:58.059 can be doing things in emotions. That's how sales 00:17:58.059 --> 00:18:02.420 works, you know? And I just want to say, I'm 00:18:02.420 --> 00:18:05.339 a marketer's dream because my emotions are like, 00:18:05.700 --> 00:18:09.779 yes, yes, let's do this. I definitely think that's 00:18:09.779 --> 00:18:12.460 something I'm never going to use. Yes, you'll 00:18:12.460 --> 00:18:14.900 say yes. I tell people all the time, they'll 00:18:14.900 --> 00:18:17.099 call me, I was like. Did we make an appointment? 00:18:17.200 --> 00:18:19.420 They'd get thrown off. He was like, no, but we're 00:18:19.420 --> 00:18:22.400 calling. I said, mm -mm. I don't make impromptu 00:18:22.400 --> 00:18:25.099 decisions right away. And I hang up because I 00:18:25.099 --> 00:18:28.440 used to do it a lot. Like, you know, stuff becoming, 00:18:28.579 --> 00:18:30.519 do you know how it went, remember QVC when it 00:18:30.519 --> 00:18:35.079 was around? I think it's QVC. Okay, I had stuff. 00:18:36.119 --> 00:18:40.299 Okay. I had stuff. But yeah, you know, I've learned 00:18:40.299 --> 00:18:43.710 and those are such good tools, audience. such 00:18:43.710 --> 00:18:46.589 good tools. Now, in an organization that perhaps 00:18:46.589 --> 00:18:52.410 has a toxic culture where aggression or emotional 00:18:52.410 --> 00:18:55.950 suppression is implicitly rewarded, and I've 00:18:55.950 --> 00:18:59.349 been in one of those places, okay? How can an 00:18:59.349 --> 00:19:02.950 employee who generally prioritizes high emotional 00:19:02.950 --> 00:19:06.750 intelligence not just survive, but truly thrive 00:19:06.750 --> 00:19:12.609 and make competitive advantages? Yeah. Because 00:19:12.609 --> 00:19:15.309 emotional intelligence is a skill, right? It 00:19:15.309 --> 00:19:17.529 is something that we learn. Everyone can learn 00:19:17.529 --> 00:19:21.430 it. And the great thing about it is that every 00:19:21.430 --> 00:19:26.269 time you respond in an emotionally intelligent 00:19:26.269 --> 00:19:30.609 way, it actually influences the other person 00:19:30.609 --> 00:19:34.190 to do the same. So when you're in this toxic 00:19:34.190 --> 00:19:37.400 environment, For one, you've got to make sure 00:19:37.400 --> 00:19:40.440 that that toxicity doesn't become contagious 00:19:40.440 --> 00:19:43.200 to you as well because we know emotions are really 00:19:43.200 --> 00:19:45.660 contagious, right? So if you're in an environment 00:19:45.660 --> 00:19:48.460 for long enough, then you will start to, it's 00:19:48.460 --> 00:19:51.380 that whole thing of, you know, you are the accommodation 00:19:51.380 --> 00:19:54.559 of the five closest people around you. And sometimes 00:19:54.559 --> 00:19:56.740 those people aren't great, especially in the 00:19:56.740 --> 00:20:02.450 workplace. Think about who you're sitting next 00:20:02.450 --> 00:20:07.769 to. You've got to be really aware to make sure 00:20:07.769 --> 00:20:10.170 that you are not contagious and you're not picking 00:20:10.170 --> 00:20:12.930 up those other emotions and those other vibes. 00:20:13.250 --> 00:20:16.390 But also to know that there's benefit in our 00:20:16.390 --> 00:20:18.369 emotions being contagious because you can be 00:20:18.369 --> 00:20:21.549 contagious to the people around you. And I've 00:20:21.549 --> 00:20:25.029 seen it happen. When you have a culture like 00:20:25.029 --> 00:20:27.829 this, and I'll give you an example because when 00:20:27.829 --> 00:20:31.319 we talk about culture, culture is not tangible. 00:20:32.579 --> 00:20:35.460 Culture is the outcome of a group of people interacting. 00:20:36.190 --> 00:20:39.269 So when you have a workplace, that culture is 00:20:39.269 --> 00:20:42.069 the output of those people that are interacting, 00:20:42.349 --> 00:20:44.589 right? And as soon as you change one of those 00:20:44.589 --> 00:20:46.750 people, you know what it's like, I'm sure we've 00:20:46.750 --> 00:20:49.509 all been in a team before where it's had a really 00:20:49.509 --> 00:20:51.349 great culture and then one person leaves and 00:20:51.349 --> 00:20:54.049 a new person comes in and the culture just changes. 00:20:54.910 --> 00:20:57.890 Something different, yes. The vibe changes. So 00:20:57.890 --> 00:21:00.670 that shows you how contagious it is. So when 00:21:00.670 --> 00:21:04.970 you go into a culture that is toxic, you are 00:21:04.970 --> 00:21:07.710 playing into that culture as well. And to see 00:21:07.710 --> 00:21:10.069 the difference that I've seen in some of the 00:21:10.069 --> 00:21:13.329 cultures which are really toxic, simply the difference 00:21:13.329 --> 00:21:15.690 of people walking in each morning and turning 00:21:15.690 --> 00:21:18.809 around and saying good morning to everyone. Now 00:21:18.809 --> 00:21:22.329 I know this sounds crazy, right? But there is 00:21:22.329 --> 00:21:24.789 a lot of workplaces where people walk in, their 00:21:24.789 --> 00:21:27.289 head is down, they do not talk to anyone around 00:21:27.289 --> 00:21:30.529 them. I was in one of those. I couldn't believe 00:21:30.529 --> 00:21:34.539 it. I was like, that's strange to me. Yeah, me 00:21:34.539 --> 00:21:36.859 too, right? I'm thinking, what is going on here? 00:21:37.960 --> 00:21:41.359 Even the difference, because as complex as our 00:21:41.359 --> 00:21:44.299 brain is, there's some really simplistic side 00:21:44.299 --> 00:21:48.430 of it in that. We create these habits, right? 00:21:48.569 --> 00:21:51.910 And these expectations. And those habits and 00:21:51.910 --> 00:21:54.809 expectations create that culture around us. So 00:21:54.809 --> 00:21:57.130 when you're in a culture like that, if you conform 00:21:57.130 --> 00:21:59.910 to that culture, you too will walk in and say, 00:21:59.970 --> 00:22:02.930 okay, this is how it works. I walk in the door, 00:22:03.130 --> 00:22:05.250 nobody talks to each other. Everybody sits down, 00:22:05.250 --> 00:22:08.230 just head down, does their work. There's no social 00:22:08.230 --> 00:22:11.130 shit. There's no friendships. There's no relationships. 00:22:11.269 --> 00:22:14.269 You just do your job and you go home. And that's 00:22:14.269 --> 00:22:16.450 where you start to get programmed as well. So 00:22:16.450 --> 00:22:19.170 your mind says, this is what we do at work, where 00:22:19.170 --> 00:22:22.130 if you start actually being yourself and walking 00:22:22.130 --> 00:22:24.329 in, and I can imagine Edna, you walking into 00:22:24.329 --> 00:22:26.990 a, you know, any workplace and being yourself 00:22:26.990 --> 00:22:30.049 and saying hello. And, you know, the first couple 00:22:30.049 --> 00:22:32.509 of times you do it, people might think, Oh, Edna's 00:22:32.509 --> 00:22:40.349 weird. Like, that's what I got. That's not how 00:22:40.349 --> 00:22:45.519 it works here. Yeah. But this is the power in 00:22:45.519 --> 00:22:48.900 it, right, Adna? And it comes down to our confidence 00:22:48.900 --> 00:22:51.819 and our ability to understand what makes us tick. 00:22:52.000 --> 00:22:55.000 Because if you, you'll notice that, but if you 00:22:55.000 --> 00:22:58.119 still say to yourself, I am who I am. I am still 00:22:58.119 --> 00:23:00.779 going to walk in every morning and say hello. 00:23:01.200 --> 00:23:04.359 Then what happens is other people's expectations 00:23:04.359 --> 00:23:08.380 and habits and what they're expecting start to 00:23:08.380 --> 00:23:10.700 get wired in their brain as well and it starts 00:23:10.700 --> 00:23:14.740 to become a more consistent, a stronger connection 00:23:14.740 --> 00:23:17.259 in that they know that every day when Edna walks 00:23:17.259 --> 00:23:20.039 in they're expecting. They will expect you to 00:23:20.039 --> 00:23:23.740 say good morning, hello. What's the matter? What's 00:23:23.740 --> 00:23:26.990 the matter with you? Exactly right. Exactly right. 00:23:27.049 --> 00:23:30.309 So while it feels like when you're in these cultural 00:23:30.309 --> 00:23:33.309 situations that one person can't do anything, 00:23:33.529 --> 00:23:37.029 one person can actually create ripples that turn 00:23:37.029 --> 00:23:40.230 into massive waves. Because I'm sure that you 00:23:40.230 --> 00:23:42.890 found, Edna, after a while of walking in each 00:23:42.890 --> 00:23:45.329 morning and saying good morning and saying hello, 00:23:45.750 --> 00:23:47.970 that after a few days, you might get the odd 00:23:47.970 --> 00:23:49.930 person that starts saying hello back to you. 00:23:49.930 --> 00:23:52.549 And then after a few weeks, it increases. And 00:23:52.549 --> 00:23:54.650 then you get to the point where At some point 00:23:54.650 --> 00:23:56.549 in time, you'll walk into the office in the morning 00:23:56.549 --> 00:23:59.069 and someone will say hello to you before you 00:23:59.069 --> 00:24:04.470 even say hello to them. And this is a very simplistic 00:24:04.470 --> 00:24:08.869 example of how it works. But this is how you 00:24:08.869 --> 00:24:12.450 create culture. This is how you create standards. 00:24:12.910 --> 00:24:15.509 And this is how our military creates standards. 00:24:15.750 --> 00:24:17.829 These are the expectations. This is how it works. 00:24:18.049 --> 00:24:21.069 And when you're in a toxic environment, you play 00:24:21.069 --> 00:24:26.559 a role as well. You can influence that and you 00:24:26.559 --> 00:24:29.839 won't change everyone. You definitely won't change 00:24:29.839 --> 00:24:33.819 everyone. But you will have an impact. And then 00:24:33.819 --> 00:24:36.299 after a couple of months of you having that impact, 00:24:36.480 --> 00:24:39.299 you then need to decide, OK, I've influenced. 00:24:39.579 --> 00:24:41.359 It's probably not going to change much more than 00:24:41.359 --> 00:24:44.910 this. Am I happy? And if I'm happy with this 00:24:44.910 --> 00:24:47.289 to come in and do this every day, then stay. 00:24:47.809 --> 00:24:50.529 But if your answer is no and you're frustrated 00:24:50.529 --> 00:24:52.950 or you're starting to catch some of their emotions 00:24:52.950 --> 00:24:57.089 or you're not happy, then own your shit and make 00:24:57.089 --> 00:25:02.849 a decision. Go. That's exactly right. Sometimes 00:25:02.849 --> 00:25:07.890 we overthink it. When you take that example and 00:25:07.890 --> 00:25:11.410 you turn it into the way that people communicate 00:25:11.410 --> 00:25:14.690 in meetings, the way that people form relationships, 00:25:15.029 --> 00:25:18.950 it's all the same. It just starts forming those 00:25:18.950 --> 00:25:22.009 little habits and those standards and those expectations 00:25:22.009 --> 00:25:26.019 to say, here is what to expect from me. Here 00:25:26.019 --> 00:25:28.180 is how I'm going to go about it. Here are my 00:25:28.180 --> 00:25:31.720 expectations and seeing that culture actually 00:25:31.720 --> 00:25:34.579 be created. That's cool. That's good. That's 00:25:34.579 --> 00:25:37.140 very good. So Amy, let's talk about your book 00:25:37.140 --> 00:25:39.279 now because you've answered all. I had other 00:25:39.279 --> 00:25:41.660 questions, but you just answered them all. So 00:25:41.660 --> 00:25:43.720 audience, I hope you all have a pen and paper. 00:25:43.779 --> 00:25:47.059 Make sure you write this down. But I just wanted 00:25:47.059 --> 00:25:50.960 to tell you, I love the book. It took me a minute 00:25:50.960 --> 00:25:54.170 to read it because I was like... Okay, this is 00:25:54.170 --> 00:26:00.670 getting on my nerves. It's getting on my nerves. 00:26:00.950 --> 00:26:04.769 It's calling my shit a shit. So I was like, okay. 00:26:06.009 --> 00:26:10.130 Yes. So I was like, okay, I got to breathe through 00:26:10.130 --> 00:26:13.430 this. And it's like, okay, I own some of that. 00:26:13.609 --> 00:26:16.250 And it made me categorize a lot of things. It 00:26:16.250 --> 00:26:20.759 really did. And to see. that I did make a difference, 00:26:20.759 --> 00:26:22.960 you know, because I was always kicking myself. 00:26:23.059 --> 00:26:26.200 It was a waste of time, but just reading this 00:26:26.200 --> 00:26:29.220 made, okay, I made a difference. Now people probably 00:26:29.220 --> 00:26:32.039 say hello to each other, you know, because, you 00:26:32.039 --> 00:26:34.740 know, you're making a ripple effect. But the 00:26:34.740 --> 00:26:39.059 emotional intelligence advantage focuses on complex 00:26:39.059 --> 00:26:43.259 challenges, right? What's the one unstoppable 00:26:43.259 --> 00:26:47.400 truth about high stakes workplaces that have 00:26:47.400 --> 00:26:52.839 conflict that most people and employees experience. 00:26:54.180 --> 00:26:57.160 The conflict definitely comes down to the communication. 00:26:58.079 --> 00:27:01.180 And I think it's around that difficulty. The 00:27:01.180 --> 00:27:03.839 clear topic of this book is around difficult 00:27:03.839 --> 00:27:06.940 conversations and change. And they go hand in 00:27:06.940 --> 00:27:10.099 hand. And I think this is the most challenging 00:27:10.099 --> 00:27:12.180 thing that we're hitting on workplaces at the 00:27:12.180 --> 00:27:14.559 moment, because there is so much change happening. 00:27:15.200 --> 00:27:19.559 And not just so much change, but the size of 00:27:19.559 --> 00:27:24.940 the change is huge. And with the size of this 00:27:24.940 --> 00:27:27.859 change, it's really challenging people's minds 00:27:27.859 --> 00:27:31.119 because it is causing alarm bells because it 00:27:31.000 --> 00:27:33.660 doesn't align to the wiring in our mind, those 00:27:33.660 --> 00:27:36.200 habits that we've created, right? Our mind's 00:27:36.200 --> 00:27:37.940 going, hang on, we do not do it that way. We 00:27:37.940 --> 00:27:39.599 do it this way, and this is the way we've always 00:27:39.599 --> 00:27:43.220 done it. So what that then leads to is really 00:27:43.220 --> 00:27:47.240 difficult conversations, because when our mind 00:27:47.240 --> 00:27:49.819 has got these alarm bells going off, it goes 00:27:49.819 --> 00:27:52.460 into that defense mechanism. It goes into that 00:27:52.460 --> 00:27:55.400 fight or flight response. And when you have people 00:27:55.400 --> 00:27:58.660 in that flight or flight response, fight or flight 00:27:58.660 --> 00:28:01.940 response, it means that that emotional brain 00:28:01.940 --> 00:28:05.319 is kicking in. So therefore you have people attempting 00:28:05.319 --> 00:28:08.799 communication based on an emotionally driven 00:28:08.799 --> 00:28:12.880 mind with very little logic in place. So when 00:28:12.880 --> 00:28:17.539 we have these difficult conversations, we tend 00:28:17.539 --> 00:28:20.920 to get caught up in the winning side of things. 00:28:22.089 --> 00:28:25.750 How do I win this conversation? How do I feel 00:28:25.750 --> 00:28:29.289 like I'll walk away being right? Right, because 00:28:29.289 --> 00:28:32.890 you're not really listening to listen. You're 00:28:32.890 --> 00:28:36.470 listening so that you can have an answer. Right. 00:28:36.849 --> 00:28:42.769 So it's your ego drive. Yes, exactly. It's that 00:28:42.769 --> 00:28:45.809 part. It's that part when you get into that conversation 00:28:45.809 --> 00:28:49.009 and you start to put your thoughts and your opinion 00:28:49.009 --> 00:28:53.259 forward that it is You want them to agree with 00:28:53.259 --> 00:28:55.680 you. You want them to agree with you. You want 00:28:55.680 --> 00:28:59.259 them to tell you you're right. And that's just, 00:28:59.259 --> 00:29:02.140 again, not realistic in a lot of situations. 00:29:02.160 --> 00:29:05.640 So as you're coming into these really difficult 00:29:05.640 --> 00:29:08.140 conversations that are happening in workplaces, 00:29:08.460 --> 00:29:11.019 it's having the ability to actually understand 00:29:11.019 --> 00:29:13.759 what is happening in your mind at the time and 00:29:13.759 --> 00:29:17.579 why you are feeling that way. And this is the 00:29:17.579 --> 00:29:20.500 whole thing with, you know, like, as you've said, 00:29:20.660 --> 00:29:24.819 Edna, The more that we understand what makes 00:29:24.819 --> 00:29:29.059 us tick, it's not about becoming some blueprint 00:29:29.059 --> 00:29:33.200 of a perfect human being or some blueprint of 00:29:33.200 --> 00:29:35.539 the perfect emotionally intelligent response. 00:29:35.920 --> 00:29:38.880 There's no such thing. What it comes down to 00:29:38.880 --> 00:29:44.299 is understanding, how am I wired? And this wiring 00:29:44.299 --> 00:29:46.779 comes from things like our relationship with 00:29:46.779 --> 00:29:51.640 change. It comes to things like, you know, how... 00:29:51.789 --> 00:29:54.970 how do we control our different emotions and 00:29:54.970 --> 00:29:57.349 how do we actually understand that there's no 00:29:57.349 --> 00:29:59.509 such thing as a bad emotion, but what there is 00:29:59.509 --> 00:30:02.130 is the appropriateness and the severity level. 00:30:02.150 --> 00:30:05.769 So it's not about changing who we are. It's about 00:30:05.769 --> 00:30:08.690 understanding who we are and then working with 00:30:08.690 --> 00:30:11.369 that. So when we were just saying before that, 00:30:11.369 --> 00:30:13.529 you know, that you and I are great for marketers 00:30:13.529 --> 00:30:17.549 because you in the past are great for marketers 00:30:17.549 --> 00:30:19.930 because we get so caught up on the emotion side 00:30:19.930 --> 00:30:25.400 and we're like, yes, yes. I'll take 10. Being 00:30:25.400 --> 00:30:28.059 emotionally intelligent is not about changing 00:30:28.059 --> 00:30:30.619 the wiring of who I am and saying, OK, I don't 00:30:30.619 --> 00:30:32.740 want to be that person anymore. Being emotionally 00:30:32.740 --> 00:30:35.240 intelligent is about understanding that is how 00:30:35.240 --> 00:30:38.240 I'm wired. So when I'm in a situation like that, 00:30:38.440 --> 00:30:41.359 I am more than likely to say, yes, I'll take 00:30:41.359 --> 00:30:44.539 10. So therefore, I will put things in place 00:30:44.539 --> 00:30:46.940 like pausing. Therefore, I will put things in 00:30:46.940 --> 00:30:50.430 place like this to be able to approach it in 00:30:50.430 --> 00:30:52.430 a different way, to work with it rather than 00:30:52.430 --> 00:30:56.690 against it. So when you're in these workplaces 00:30:56.690 --> 00:30:59.009 and you're in these tough situations that I talk 00:30:59.009 --> 00:31:01.549 about in the book when it comes to change, we 00:31:01.549 --> 00:31:03.750 know that there's going to be some people in 00:31:03.750 --> 00:31:07.349 the workplace that absolutely love change. that 00:31:07.349 --> 00:31:10.250 the change for the sake of changing because that 00:31:10.250 --> 00:31:12.369 is how they're wired they've been brought up 00:31:12.369 --> 00:31:15.390 with constant change and to them constant change 00:31:15.390 --> 00:31:18.289 is normal so when change comes into play they're 00:31:18.289 --> 00:31:21.309 like yes let's do it like i need change i you 00:31:21.309 --> 00:31:23.619 know i want something different But there are 00:31:23.619 --> 00:31:26.539 going to be other people in the workplace who 00:31:26.539 --> 00:31:29.740 have grown up in the same town their whole life, 00:31:29.880 --> 00:31:32.500 have lived in the same house, have done the same 00:31:32.500 --> 00:31:35.099 things, have had the same friends. And they are 00:31:35.099 --> 00:31:40.130 people whose wiring is really... formed around 00:31:40.130 --> 00:31:43.190 consistency and they are great at consistency. 00:31:43.309 --> 00:31:45.769 They are so good at coming in and doing the same 00:31:45.769 --> 00:31:49.089 thing day in and day out and doing it really 00:31:49.089 --> 00:31:51.869 well. They stay in the same job for 10 years 00:31:51.869 --> 00:31:56.289 and they're experts at it. These people are not 00:31:56.289 --> 00:32:00.329 going to respond well to change. And trying to 00:32:00.329 --> 00:32:04.650 force them to love change is a recipe for disaster. 00:32:05.319 --> 00:32:08.400 But once you understand that that person, you 00:32:08.400 --> 00:32:10.640 need those people in your workplace. You need 00:32:10.640 --> 00:32:14.259 those people who love consistency and are happy 00:32:14.259 --> 00:32:16.980 to do the same thing day in, day out. You also 00:32:16.980 --> 00:32:18.880 need the people that love change. You need people 00:32:18.880 --> 00:32:22.039 across the whole change scale. But when these 00:32:22.039 --> 00:32:25.380 people come together, conflict occurs, right? 00:32:26.180 --> 00:32:28.519 Because you've got some people that are going, 00:32:28.660 --> 00:32:30.500 yes, let's do it. Let's change. Why are you so 00:32:30.500 --> 00:32:32.759 upset about this? Like, get on board. Get over 00:32:32.759 --> 00:32:35.430 it. It's not having a deal. And other people 00:32:35.430 --> 00:32:38.269 are like, no, no, no, no, no. That's not how 00:32:38.269 --> 00:32:40.549 we do. I'm not ready to change. I don't want 00:32:40.549 --> 00:32:43.529 it that way. I don't see it the same way as you. 00:32:43.730 --> 00:32:46.130 So this is where this conflict happened and this 00:32:46.130 --> 00:32:48.309 is where the difficult conversations start to 00:32:48.309 --> 00:32:51.309 kick in. And this is where it becomes so important 00:32:51.309 --> 00:32:55.529 to have the ability to hold back your ego and 00:32:55.529 --> 00:32:59.250 just listen to what people are saying and focus. 00:32:59.440 --> 00:33:03.059 on the outcome that you're looking. All you need 00:33:03.059 --> 00:33:05.940 is to work together towards the right outcome. 00:33:06.079 --> 00:33:08.880 You don't need them to agree with you. You don't 00:33:08.880 --> 00:33:11.480 need them to be the same as you. You don't need 00:33:11.480 --> 00:33:16.920 them to be a clone of you. It is okay to be different. 00:33:17.660 --> 00:33:20.160 How do you work together rather than against 00:33:20.160 --> 00:33:23.819 each other? Wow, Amy, this has been such an eye 00:33:23.819 --> 00:33:26.720 -opening conversation. That's really good. You 00:33:26.720 --> 00:33:29.839 closed it right. I love it. I know everyone is 00:33:29.839 --> 00:33:32.480 listening is going to feel really equipped to 00:33:32.480 --> 00:33:35.960 tackle the next difficult conversation as much 00:33:35.960 --> 00:33:38.660 as I am because I'm really confident just having 00:33:38.660 --> 00:33:41.140 this conversation with you and getting this clarity. 00:33:41.920 --> 00:33:46.109 Where can my audience reach you? and get a hold 00:33:46.109 --> 00:33:50.019 to you and get your book. Yeah. So the best place 00:33:50.019 --> 00:33:52.660 to find me is at my website, which is amyjacobson 00:33:52.660 --> 00:33:56.380 .com .au. You can find my book in any bookstore 00:33:56.380 --> 00:33:59.880 worldwide. So online, bricks and mortar, any 00:33:59.880 --> 00:34:02.539 bookstore. And you can find me on social media 00:34:02.539 --> 00:34:05.019 as well. So LinkedIn is my most active platform, 00:34:05.220 --> 00:34:07.460 LinkedIn and Instagram. So as you can probably 00:34:07.460 --> 00:34:12.300 tell, I love a chat. So please reach out. I always 00:34:12.300 --> 00:34:16.980 like to know what's going on. Yeah, absolutely 00:34:16.980 --> 00:34:19.579 reach out. Yeah. So audience, you really need 00:34:19.579 --> 00:34:22.860 to check out Amy's book because when I read it, 00:34:23.019 --> 00:34:27.760 it checked me out too. I truly thank you for 00:34:27.760 --> 00:34:29.860 being here, Amy. You didn't have to be, but you're 00:34:29.860 --> 00:34:32.300 here to explore coaching or speaking or anything 00:34:32.300 --> 00:34:34.519 like that, but you were here. So thank you for 00:34:34.519 --> 00:34:37.599 that. Again, if you want to reach out to her, 00:34:37.599 --> 00:34:41.420 her name is her website with UK at the end, right? 00:34:41.710 --> 00:34:46.170 A -A -U. A -A -U. See? Just here I go. I gotta 00:34:46.170 --> 00:34:52.170 mess you up. It'll be under this video or in 00:34:52.170 --> 00:34:55.369 the contents. Okay, how about that? So Edna doesn't 00:34:55.369 --> 00:35:01.030 mess it up. So if this really touched you, like, 00:35:01.469 --> 00:35:04.389 subscribe and share this episode. Because I know 00:35:04.389 --> 00:35:07.690 there's some leaders out there. I know just plain 00:35:07.690 --> 00:35:10.820 people just want to be able to lead better. and 00:35:10.820 --> 00:35:13.599 live better in emotional intelligence. This is 00:35:13.599 --> 00:35:16.239 Edna White and my esteemed guest, Amy Jacobson, 00:35:16.280 --> 00:35:19.260 saying goodbye for now. See you later.