Hello, and welcome to another episode of In My
Experience with yours truly, Christine DiGinto.
This podcast is a space where I speak from lived
experience. The moments that shaped me, challenged
me, and changed the way that I understand myself
in the world. The awakenings, the breakdowns,
the moments that cracked me open, asked me to
stay present, be embodied, and be honest with
myself. I share my stories not to persuade or
define truth for anyone else, but to offer perspective,
to explore the gray areas we don't often have
language for, to slow things down and listen
more closely to what's happening beneath the
surface. You'll hear solo episodes where I reflect
on my own initiations, spiritual gifts, and the
systems that try to define me. and conversations
with guests who have walked strange, beautiful,
and sometimes painful paths of their own and
come back with wisdom to share with us. I invite
you to take what resonates, leave the rest, and
trust your own experience as valid. Thank you
for being here. This is In My Experience. Hello,
hello, hello. How are you? I hope you're doing
well. Today, I had a little bit of time to myself,
which isn't normal. And I was scheduled to have
a recording, but my guest got a flat tire, was
not able to make it. So we're going to reschedule.
But in that time, I decided to make a solo episode.
So here you go. I'm going to share this with
you now. And while you're listening, As you find
that I like started talking about something and
then just trailed off, that's my ADHD. So at
the end, I'm going to summarize a few things
that I started to talk about and then just absolutely
abandoned. Enjoy. Hey, y 'all. I had a recording
scheduled, but my guest did not appear. I'm not
sure what happened. I'm sure something. I'll
find out later, I bet. But I was going to take
this opportunity to just have a little solo episode
recording because my daughter is with her dad
and I had this time set up and I'm all ready
to go sitting here, so why not? I hope you have
some things going on that you can find the way
to shift through what comes your way to ultimately
progress yourself. You know? It doesn't bother
me a bit that my guest did not appear. I know
she has. a tremendous amount of things going
on in her life and i can personally relate which
is why i reached out to her um and invited her
on as a guest because i i'm so excited to hear
her perspective her experience to share with
all of you you may not be aware um one topic
very personal to me is the absolute circus That
is family court, custody court, and the protection
from abuse is what we call it in Pennsylvania.
I'm sure it has multiple names all over the place,
but essentially like the process for getting
like. a step above or similar to a restraining
order what it takes to qualify for that and how
people manipulate the system especially in regard
to custody court to destabilize the opposing
party which is the mother of your children usually
um i'm not gonna lie i'm sure women do this too
uh but i i don't know it's it's Seems to be typically
when it's done by men and they're claiming instability
mentally, they're claiming physical abuse, et
cetera, et cetera. And not to say that it's not
valid because women can absolutely abuse men.
And it's silly to think otherwise. I would say
that a lot of women. Get a pass. For example,
the reason that I can speak on this, you all
don't know yet, but I have had two PFAs filed
against me by my ex -husband, coincidentally,
because he knew that divorce was looming. And
the second one that he did was in retaliation
to an investigation. it really was very clear
to me that it was just to get the upper hand
um and he had quite a lot of liberty in in doing
so i was forcefully evicted from my home by the
police uh twice told that i was not able to be
in my own house so then i'm homeless right i
was never actually homeless like on the street
you know uh i always have very luckily very thankfully
people who looked out for me and are that i'm
connected with that recognized recognized the
need that i had at that time and supported me
like my parents and my friend and her family
so very thankful for that but legally homeless
okay well because i worked in business With him
for six years, I didn't have my own financial
income, stream of income. I worked for that business.
So then when I'm legally not allowed to be anywhere
near him, how could I possibly work, right? So
then there's loss of income. And with all of
these court dates going on, because they're all
over the place, and the favorite tactic, the
flavor of my situation was constant continuation,
meaning right before the court hearing, sometimes
even the day of, it's like physically there at
court. It's like, nope, it's going to be continued.
You have to come back. What fuckery? Okay, so.
It's all done intentionally for psychological
abuse, emotional abuse, financial abuse. It's
I think it's abuse of the law. I was saying legal
abuse. People are looking at me like I have fucking
three heads because they don't even know what
I'm talking about. And I'm like, no, I'm being
abused by the law. Like, I just it's like I can't
like the law is supporting this person in destabilizing
me, taking. my kids from me and my animals and
plants which i also consider like my children
you're getting to know me but you may not know
that i have a very very strong connection with
plants and animals as well as humans i care very
deeply i consider everything as a living being
and i put quite a lot of energy and intention
into living things that gives me life I think
it's because I'm a human with a soul I don't
think I'm special but I do think that I have
an extra special connection with things and the
reason that I say this is because I've also been
excluded from my home and it's not just like
a place that I live it's not just a house It
was also my dream that I was trying to build
a sanctuary for healing, for my own healing,
for my family's healing, and for other people's
healing as a business, but not for money. I knew
that money would come in the form of help from
other people. It doesn't have to be an exchange
of currency. It's energy, an exchange of energy.
I wanted to build a safe space. to allow time
in nature, especially centered around children.
I wanted to homeschool my daughter and put a
fence up and protect our dogs who would frequently
run into the woods and get Lyme's disease, et
cetera, et cetera. There are coyotes, whatever.
They're getting older. I just wanted to give
them like space. Okay. I had two collies and
they need work. They were, you know, barking
all the time and trying to do like, they just,
they needed work. They needed something to do.
So I was like, well, let's build a homestead.
I want to put up a big garden fence and build
raised beds and also have like the land, you
know, tilled and processed. Not that sounds fucking
horrible. What I mean, the opposite of it, but
peeling up the grass. rejuvenating the soil naturally
organically um and intending on growing plants
um for food and medicine so that was my dream
i wanted chickens and honeybees which i also
had there so just to put it into like some context
for you why I believe things were done intentionally
to psychologically harm me is because what the
actual fuck like there's no explanation for it
right so this is kind of random and off the cuff
but I just also have to mention it because it
came to me the other day and I was like wow what
a blatant example of like fuck you and that was
done on purpose but I I went away a couple of
years ago when I was at the house. I was living
there after I went through this process that
I just described. It happened twice, like I said.
I went through the process, and from what I saw
in the court system, there was no escape. I had
no support. I couldn't really fight it. I needed
to just accept. It wasn't a square. entry point
where we were coming in on equal footing. I was
coming in as a criminal who had to defend myself,
who was looking crazy. It was like total disrespect
of me, myself, my whole being, everything I stand
for and who I am in my soul. So very difficult
to deal with. So then I was like, well, I want
to fix things truly. I want to make it better.
Part of the process of the first PFA, I filed
for divorce after he filed a PFA. And then, you
know, that was my leverage, but I actually wanted
a divorce. I've been saying it for a year and
a half prior to that. BT dubs, but actually filed
for divorce finally. Cause I was not trying to,
I was really trying to like work together and
mediate things, but like not possible. So filed
for divorce. Then I had leverage. as fucked up
as that is and he says okay i'll drop the pfa
if you drop the divorce okay so i did that through
the lawyers and one of the requirements was going
to therapy which we subsequently did it's like
they like what they in pennsylvania specifically
This is what my experience is. They don't want
people to get divorced. It takes quite a period
of time after you file is required to like make
sure. And you're supposed to like do therapy.
And like, I mean, it sounds good until you're
like in a situation where you're like, yeah,
I absolutely need a divorce right now. And the
process of getting divorced is getting interfered
with and fucked with and delayed. And it's hurting
me. I'm being abused by this person and I want
to sever ties from them. That's where it's a
problem. Okay, so you might think in a normal,
I don't know what normal is, but in a normal
relationship where two people say, okay, we're
no longer going to be together. Let's do this
rationally, which is what I was trying to do.
I wanted to buy a townhouse or rent an apartment
so that We, as the parents, would be moving back
and forth and our kids didn't have to move or
be split or have major changes. That was not
possible. I wanted to have the house to build
the homestead because that makes sense. I also
have the capabilities of doing that. Like I know
how to run equipment. And I have my own knowledge.
I've invested in many, many resources to be able
to plant out this garden. I was very, very detailed.
And I had a system for everything. The irrigation,
it was going to be as natural as possible. And
the whole loop closed itself with the chickens
and composting and having everything. really
as natural as possible. Especially after my awakening,
what I realized was that is the only thing that
matters to me is that I become more aware, gracious,
like have gratitude for, and then embodied. The
gifts of nature and the gift that it is to be
a human being on earth, especially right now.
we are fucking magic and we can do anything we
just have to look to nature she knows okay so
don't want to be like you you may not know me
i just want to say you if you want to get to
know me you will have to understand i am all
over the place my mind i'm on grounded, as you
say, right? It's my, I channel all kinds of things.
I let things get picked up and I let things get
put down. Sometimes my mind just gets like wiped
in the middle of what I'm talking about. I'm
crazy. It's fun. I hope you're here for it. So
back to the, back to the. real serious conversation
of like, I wanted to build this space. We had
everything necessary. Let me remind you, we ran
a landscaping business. So we had access to dump
trucks and equipment like skid steers and backhoes.
And we had everything necessary to do this and
all of the materials. Not a single day. Did he
contribute? to anything, he would also restrict
my access to equipment, like take it. If he got
mad at me, he would take the skid steer that
I was working with. And then I would have to
do it by hand because I'm a toxic lover. I'm
an Aquarius sun, Aries moon, Gemini rising projector.
so period take from that what you want i will
get what i want and what i want is for fucking
everyone okay it's not ever a selfish motive
unless it's self -care because it's like i've
also understood after going through so many years
of emotional neglect and um psychological abuse
just financial insecurity um From someone who
I did the opposite, like I built his business
with him. I taught him and helped him gain financial
security. I had a credit score of 805 when I
was 33. And it was completely decimated over
four years because my obligations, my financial
obligations, the credit in my name is what I
used. to pay for everything for my family. I
bought everything, even pants, even jeans. Like
my ex could not even buy his own jeans in his
own size for some reason. And that's another
thing I feel like is on purpose. It's like, oh,
I need you to do everything. And then I become
so busy, so overwhelmed that I am now blind to
the external world. I'm so burdened by all of
the things that I have to do. If I go to get
my haircut once a year, guaranteed 30 minutes
in, I get a phone call with my kids screaming
in the background, crying, and him saying, when
are you going to be home? Well, I like to dye
my hair. I've done it since I was 14. I maybe
get my haircut once a year, like dyed and stuff.
It takes hours. It takes like four hours at least.
Depends on the process. Depends on everything.
So three, four hours. Once a year. Couldn't do
it. Stressed out the whole time I'm there. Getting
phone calls nonstop. When are you going to be
back? Not a care in the world about how important
that is for me to feel good and look good. Thank
you. I'm so glad that I fell in love with someone
who doesn't give a fuck about me. But you know,
I'm not complaining about him. I'm saying. I
allowed that for myself. I fucking allowed that.
What does that say about me? That's kind of what
hurts the most is like when I felt. betrayed
like he's totally and he he he had no care in
the world like when when after the two month
period that i was restricted from my kids my
house my work everything that i lived for and
did at such a high level at such a hard pace
going from 100 to zero it created a spontaneous
kundalini awakening It created psychic gifts
coming online. It created my intuition being
so loud that I could no longer ignore it because
my spirit was like, what the fuck? Get out of
this, right? So that's my spirit screaming and
I couldn't ignore it anymore. I tried and tried
and tried. I used excuses for years and years
and years saying, well, I can't just leave. I
can't just stop. I can't. I can't give up because
there are so many people depending on me. Except
that's wonderful. It's beautiful. That's a gift.
That's who I am. That matters to me. I'm a very
loyal, hardworking person. I care very much about
my family. I'm very sentimental. I'm very emotional.
But I'm also very powerful. Like I'll fight for
you. I'm one of those people who will fucking
say something. I'll do something too. So I'm
a good one. I feel like I'm a gift. But the hard
thing about that is I can't expect that from
other people. And when I looked around and I
saw like my inner circle, my partner, the person
that I chose in life to reflect back to me, my
worth and to help me succeed and how he was treating
me. It made me feel so sad that I wasn't able
to recognize sooner and how bent out of shape
I had gotten. It has taken about five years to
even out from that. It took five years to get
divorced, by the way. And look at that. What
a coincidence. It happened at the same time.
And I'm not trying to trauma dump. What I'm trying
to say is there is a tactic that men use through
the legal system that is intentional to harm
the mother of their children, their soon -to
-be ex -wife, in an effort to harm them. I mean,
it's really, it's about money and it's about
psychological abuse. That's what it's about.
I personally have a very strong connection to
this cause and to this issue and to the other
parts of this topic. It's not even just about
divorce or custody in a quote normal family.
It's also this tactic is very, very prevalent
in abusive people. People who abuse children
as well. And the court system, the difficulty,
the level of difficulty that women have had trying
to protect their own children from their other
parent that is abusing them. And if you look
into Children of the Underground, it was a documentary
about Faye Yeager. She not only experienced that
herself with her husband. daughter but then went
on to remarry and she created an underground
railroad essentially for women and children to
escape the abusive uh predator fathers who were
backed up by the legal system and it's like well
you you have to be with your dad you you have
to go and it's like oh i have to go with someone
who's sexually abusing me how what how That has
happened to so many women and children. It just
blows my mind. The law, it doesn't make sense.
It doesn't make sense to me. I always thought
that the law was here to help us. I always thought
it was to help protect us. And that's what they
say. It's fucking not. Not in this case. Not
in this case. And with the overwhelmed systems
of children, youth and families and the corruption,
to be honest, to be like absolutely fucking blatantly
honest, the corruption, because there are predators
that work within that system. And you think that
that's an accident? They have intentionally positioned
themselves to be able to take advantage of children
or to give people get out of jail card, get out
of jail free cards. They're little fucking circle
jerk buddies. Sickos. We're getting into a lot,
but I'm just saying. It exists. Years ago when
I had my abrupt spiritual awakening that coincided
with this extreme level of stress, which I think
makes total sense. It could be argued psychologically
as a psychological break. Or it could be a spiritual
awakening. What the fuck is the difference? You
tell me. I actually would love to hear that.
I would love to hear from you. If you are someone
who endured trauma or not. And just had a spontaneous
spiritual awakening without any knowledge of
the spiritual realm. Without any conscious knowledge
of the workings of the spiritual realm, which
is reality. I want to hear from you. Anyway.
I hope you like my rambling. I like rambling
to you. But again. This podcast is about my experience.
And the only reason I want to share it is to
bring awareness, to bring perspective, to open
up the conversation. Because I don't think most
people in America understand that someone really
could just go to the courthouse and write a statement
under oath and fucking lie and change your life.
Boom. Really fuck you up. You just you wouldn't
even believe that that is possible. There's because
typically when you get arrested, aren't you presumed
innocent until proven guilty? Right. Like there's
no evidence of stuff. Right. And God forbid there
really is like a claim, a cause of concern that
other people have initiated as a cause for concern
to initiate an investigation with children, youth
and families, for example. And then. Someone
files a PFA the day after that investigation
is open. And then that same person now has full
legal custody of the child in question. And they're
refusing their child to have a forensic interview,
which they have full right to do because they
have full legal custody. The other parent can't
do a single thing. And it's all because they
got a PFA. Simple as that. I think we need some
reforms up in here. Or I would say that the court
system that files PFAs, where there is a process,
a due process without due process, like there
is a legal execution without any legal proceeding
that comes later. So I feel like that's like,
I mean, I understand that it's for emergency
situations and they try their best to navigate
what someone is saying. And they can't just say
this isn't true and then watch that person gets
killed, which has happened before. But what the
fuck? I mean, sometimes things are obviously
not up to snuff, not a real claim. Like, for
example, in my case. The process typically for
someone to get a PFA is go to the courthouse
and then there's an area inside of that called
the domestic violence center. And they have advocates
who are attorneys who will help you file that
PFA and represent you in court. Well, when they
refuse to represent you, I would think that that
would mean. to the court or signal in some way
to the court that this isn't necessarily legitimate
because they represent everyone except for people
they don't think deserve to have representation
i digress i feel aggressive i feel aggressive
right now and i hope i'm not coming off as aggressive
but These things should spark a little bit of
outrage because they are used by people. And
the people who are manipulating the system, they
know this. This is their playbook. They're ready.
They have the lawyers. They have the money. They
have the plan. They just execute it. And there's
nothing you can do to undo it except wait. And
even when you wait, it could come out bad for
you. Yeah. or you could violate it and continuously
get arrested that's personally what i did might
get into that in another another episode but
i don't regret it i don't regret it one bit i
would actually do it again my lawyers fucking
hate me my lawyers hate me Especially because
I'm like, I don't really care and I would do
it again. And I don't mean that to be disrespectful.
I don't mean that to be reckless. I mean that
genuinely. Because when the law is not doing
what it should to protect a child, I will. Even
if that's breaking the law. If that causes me
to break the law, I don't give a fuck about the
law. How about that? I mean, I feel like that's
understandable. I feel like that, I feel like
we should be that way. I mean, what comes first,
the law or being human? Being a human, protecting
a child, I think that that is very important.
And I feel like in many other cases, things have
been understood because of extenuating circumstances,
which in my case, I would agree. I received that
as well. I was also graciously. Not punished
very severely because it was pretty clear that
I am not a problem and that I don't have a history
of violence and no one else says anything bad
about me. In fact, I have affidavits saying the
opposite. They're saying, you know, great things.
So, you know, it's just, it's difficult. It's
difficult in the position of knowing the truth,
but having to wait. I obviously had difficult.
waiting and i was extremely patient probably
more than most but at the same time i did snap
a few times and i think i think it's understandable
luckily i was not punished very severely like
i said but again i would do it again any day
of the week any day of the week baby uh let's
move forward to um more positive things i want
to say because these things are what i'm sharing
today i really hope it's not like upsetting i
feel upset uh maybe we need to be a little upset
maybe we do maybe it's not a bad thing especially
in these times right now i think it's a good
it's a good thing to fuel our divine feminine
unfuckwithable dragon energy that we need to
bring back to reclaim reality for humanity, true
humanity to exist without interference of evil.
And I think that's why we're here, friends. I'm
really excited because I know that it's going
to happen. We all are in this together and we
all need to play our part by remaining positive.
So sometimes, you know, despite, for example,
this is a good example, despite going through
really difficult things. like i just cited and
i'm i'm just this is the tip of the iceberg what
i just let out like you know verbal diarrhea
right for the past i don't know 30 minutes tip
of the iceberg the process of being becoming
spiritual through this process was so necessary
for me. And in that, I don't mean I found a new
religion. I found something to follow. I found
something to distract me, but the opposite that
I found within myself, a higher degree of reflection
of what is right and wrong. And to not just blindly
follow what I'm told or what I, what is said
to be because Things are amiss. Things don't
make sense. And it's not always for our protection,
despite the opposite being told to us. So, in
any event, I always appreciate... taking time
to breathe in all the way down to my root and
connect in with the earth mother calm down calm
the fuck down ground in and bring up like a straw
some of that reassurance that we need to stand
the fuck up and get going speaking of which i'm
gonna do that uh i'm gonna get going i'm gonna
go do some things right now and i Truly hope
that I actually do share this episode without
fear of retribution, because also along this
process, I tried to share things online, for
example, on social media. I even started a GoFundMe
to try to get help financially to be able to
fight all of these legal things. Terrible. just
out here asking for money, but I needed it. So,
and very thankfully I was helped and I was able
to trade Akashic readings for people. Like I
offered a free Akashic reading by email after
that. So it's not like I'm just trying to get,
get money. I needed it for a reason to be able
to fight back. It's, it's crazy how it's required.
And you might say, Oh, you can get. you could
just get legal aid okay well i didn't have access
to any of my files any of the things that i would
have needed to be able to qualify for that it
also takes quite a bit of time um i urgently
feel the need to make change uh and the only
way to do that is to fucking slap some hundos
some thousands down actually in front of a lawyer
and say i need help so that's what you do um
I'm really spastic today. I'm going to go. I'm
going to fucking go, but I hope you enjoyed this
and it gave you a little bit of insight into,
into my mania. And why, why I've become this
way. I love myself so much and I wouldn't change
a fucking thing. All right. Take care. I also
wanted to share. This is my baby girl Kit Kat.
So whenever you hear this little jingle jangle,
you know it's her. Just so you know. She's a
warrior for class. All right, all right, all
right. Like I promised, my ADHD took me all over
the place. And some of the things that I was
talking about, I just straight up left behind.
About eight minutes, 30 minutes in. Eight minutes,
30 seconds in. I was talking about when I went
to Sedona. What I was trying to describe was
I had a nursery full in the garage. I had many,
many different plants, food and flowers. And
I had been nurturing them for months every day,
lifting up the garage door, making sure they
got enough sunlight, watering them, keeping them
separate, giving them enough space and air circulation,
you know, as a plant caregiver does. While I
was away for three days, the garage got, quote,
cleaned up. All of the plants were squished together.
No light. Lots of water. Guess what happened?
They all died. I asked, you know, so this is
what I'm saying by things that, like, had to
have been intentional because we were both landscapers.
One time when I moved back in, I had a lot of
clothes on a rack. My nicest clothes were on
a rack. And I made a room downstairs to have
my own separate area. And eventually something
happened and my ex carried that clothing rack
with all of the clothes on it directly up to
the attic. And so all of my belongings are like
scattered all over the place and that type of
thing causes dysregulation. I wanted to bring
that up. And it's interesting because the second
time he filed the PFA against me, I was at home
like I normally was. And the state police came,
served me with the PFA, the warrant saying that
I had to be evicted from the house. There were
two police officers, one that I had become very
familiar with because state police, they don't
have that many officers. And in my area, we didn't
have a township with a police department, so
it was the state police. And it typically required
more time for them to respond. And also, the
more you called them, the more frequently you
saw the same people. That eventually helped me
because... That officer that I'm talking about
made a statement on my behalf because she was
able to see because she responded so many times.
She was able to see what was really going on.
She spoke up for me. So I appreciate that. But
when she responded with her, I believe he was
the supervisor of the troop, came to evict me.
He was looking at my books on my bookshelf and
he said, who's the beekeeper? and I just started
bawling crying um and I was like I am I'm the
keeper of all living things here and everything
is going to die and he probably thought that
I was being dramatic but I was actually speaking
from experience um and I was correct uh I think
All but three of the 12 chickens that I had died.
And then that winter, the bees died. All of the
plants were neglected and died. And for me, I
take that very personally. Very, very personally.
And there's no justice for them. So I just wanted
to, like, you know, load on more. for you guys
here at the tail end to really rub it in. I'm
just kidding. No, I just wanted to express, you
know, there are a lot of things that I feel have
been done that were really, really wrong. And
it caused a lot of stress and strain and death,
destruction. So I just wanted to acknowledge
that. And I promised myself that in the future,
I'll never allow I'll never allow that to happen
again to anything that I am in charge of or responsible
for. So that is my commitment that I make to
myself and all living things. And I trust, I
trust that I'll be able to build an expansive,
exquisite, self -sustaining, naturally responsible
full of reciprocity environment for myself my
kids and anyone else that we welcome into our
space so have a wonderful day and uh i'll see
you next time