WEBVTT 00:00:00.430 --> 00:00:04.250 Hello, and welcome to another episode of In My 00:00:04.250 --> 00:00:07.509 Experience with yours truly, Christine DiGinto. 00:00:08.589 --> 00:00:11.830 This podcast is a space where I speak from lived 00:00:11.830 --> 00:00:15.789 experience. The moments that shaped me, challenged 00:00:15.789 --> 00:00:18.789 me, and changed the way that I understand myself 00:00:18.789 --> 00:00:22.489 in the world. The awakenings, the breakdowns, 00:00:22.489 --> 00:00:25.109 the moments that cracked me open, asked me to 00:00:25.109 --> 00:00:28.829 stay present, be embodied, and be honest with 00:00:28.829 --> 00:00:33.490 myself. I share my stories not to persuade or 00:00:33.490 --> 00:00:37.670 define truth for anyone else, but to offer perspective, 00:00:37.909 --> 00:00:41.250 to explore the gray areas we don't often have 00:00:41.250 --> 00:00:44.929 language for, to slow things down and listen 00:00:44.929 --> 00:00:47.509 more closely to what's happening beneath the 00:00:47.509 --> 00:00:52.009 surface. You'll hear solo episodes where I reflect 00:00:52.009 --> 00:00:55.670 on my own initiations, spiritual gifts, and the 00:00:55.670 --> 00:00:59.429 systems that try to define me. and conversations 00:00:59.429 --> 00:01:02.350 with guests who have walked strange, beautiful, 00:01:02.570 --> 00:01:05.810 and sometimes painful paths of their own and 00:01:05.810 --> 00:01:10.109 come back with wisdom to share with us. I invite 00:01:10.109 --> 00:01:13.450 you to take what resonates, leave the rest, and 00:01:13.450 --> 00:01:17.609 trust your own experience as valid. Thank you 00:01:17.609 --> 00:01:24.939 for being here. This is In My Experience. Hello, 00:01:25.040 --> 00:01:27.680 hello, hello. How are you? I hope you're doing 00:01:27.680 --> 00:01:32.500 well. Today, I had a little bit of time to myself, 00:01:32.620 --> 00:01:36.180 which isn't normal. And I was scheduled to have 00:01:36.180 --> 00:01:40.519 a recording, but my guest got a flat tire, was 00:01:40.519 --> 00:01:42.599 not able to make it. So we're going to reschedule. 00:01:42.719 --> 00:01:46.079 But in that time, I decided to make a solo episode. 00:01:46.840 --> 00:01:50.500 So here you go. I'm going to share this with 00:01:50.500 --> 00:01:54.969 you now. And while you're listening, As you find 00:01:54.969 --> 00:01:57.730 that I like started talking about something and 00:01:57.730 --> 00:02:01.750 then just trailed off, that's my ADHD. So at 00:02:01.750 --> 00:02:04.609 the end, I'm going to summarize a few things 00:02:04.609 --> 00:02:08.150 that I started to talk about and then just absolutely 00:02:08.150 --> 00:02:23.590 abandoned. Enjoy. Hey, y 'all. I had a recording 00:02:23.590 --> 00:02:27.810 scheduled, but my guest did not appear. I'm not 00:02:27.810 --> 00:02:30.330 sure what happened. I'm sure something. I'll 00:02:30.330 --> 00:02:33.729 find out later, I bet. But I was going to take 00:02:33.729 --> 00:02:36.729 this opportunity to just have a little solo episode 00:02:36.729 --> 00:02:40.469 recording because my daughter is with her dad 00:02:40.469 --> 00:02:44.229 and I had this time set up and I'm all ready 00:02:44.229 --> 00:02:50.080 to go sitting here, so why not? I hope you have 00:02:50.080 --> 00:02:56.139 some things going on that you can find the way 00:02:56.139 --> 00:03:00.580 to shift through what comes your way to ultimately 00:03:00.580 --> 00:03:07.319 progress yourself. You know? It doesn't bother 00:03:07.319 --> 00:03:12.159 me a bit that my guest did not appear. I know 00:03:12.159 --> 00:03:15.069 she has. a tremendous amount of things going 00:03:15.069 --> 00:03:17.810 on in her life and i can personally relate which 00:03:17.810 --> 00:03:22.169 is why i reached out to her um and invited her 00:03:22.169 --> 00:03:25.449 on as a guest because i i'm so excited to hear 00:03:25.449 --> 00:03:28.789 her perspective her experience to share with 00:03:28.789 --> 00:03:35.090 all of you you may not be aware um one topic 00:03:35.090 --> 00:03:43.439 very personal to me is the absolute circus That 00:03:43.439 --> 00:03:50.460 is family court, custody court, and the protection 00:03:50.460 --> 00:03:52.879 from abuse is what we call it in Pennsylvania. 00:03:53.199 --> 00:03:56.539 I'm sure it has multiple names all over the place, 00:03:56.580 --> 00:04:00.960 but essentially like the process for getting 00:04:00.960 --> 00:04:04.139 like. a step above or similar to a restraining 00:04:04.139 --> 00:04:07.219 order what it takes to qualify for that and how 00:04:07.219 --> 00:04:11.120 people manipulate the system especially in regard 00:04:11.120 --> 00:04:16.899 to custody court to destabilize the opposing 00:04:16.899 --> 00:04:20.279 party which is the mother of your children usually 00:04:20.279 --> 00:04:23.779 um i'm not gonna lie i'm sure women do this too 00:04:23.779 --> 00:04:33.259 uh but i i don't know it's it's Seems to be typically 00:04:33.259 --> 00:04:38.379 when it's done by men and they're claiming instability 00:04:38.379 --> 00:04:43.379 mentally, they're claiming physical abuse, et 00:04:43.379 --> 00:04:47.439 cetera, et cetera. And not to say that it's not 00:04:47.439 --> 00:04:50.779 valid because women can absolutely abuse men. 00:04:50.980 --> 00:04:54.980 And it's silly to think otherwise. I would say 00:04:54.980 --> 00:05:00.480 that a lot of women. Get a pass. For example, 00:05:00.540 --> 00:05:03.379 the reason that I can speak on this, you all 00:05:03.379 --> 00:05:07.360 don't know yet, but I have had two PFAs filed 00:05:07.360 --> 00:05:11.180 against me by my ex -husband, coincidentally, 00:05:11.180 --> 00:05:17.939 because he knew that divorce was looming. And 00:05:17.939 --> 00:05:22.100 the second one that he did was in retaliation 00:05:22.100 --> 00:05:28.420 to an investigation. it really was very clear 00:05:28.420 --> 00:05:30.480 to me that it was just to get the upper hand 00:05:30.480 --> 00:05:35.040 um and he had quite a lot of liberty in in doing 00:05:35.040 --> 00:05:39.980 so i was forcefully evicted from my home by the 00:05:39.980 --> 00:05:45.160 police uh twice told that i was not able to be 00:05:45.160 --> 00:05:47.839 in my own house so then i'm homeless right i 00:05:47.839 --> 00:05:49.779 was never actually homeless like on the street 00:05:49.779 --> 00:05:54.759 you know uh i always have very luckily very thankfully 00:05:55.740 --> 00:05:58.800 people who looked out for me and are that i'm 00:05:58.800 --> 00:06:03.660 connected with that recognized recognized the 00:06:03.660 --> 00:06:06.279 need that i had at that time and supported me 00:06:06.279 --> 00:06:09.379 like my parents and my friend and her family 00:06:09.379 --> 00:06:18.579 so very thankful for that but legally homeless 00:06:18.579 --> 00:06:24.850 okay well because i worked in business With him 00:06:24.850 --> 00:06:31.449 for six years, I didn't have my own financial 00:06:31.449 --> 00:06:35.250 income, stream of income. I worked for that business. 00:06:35.329 --> 00:06:38.589 So then when I'm legally not allowed to be anywhere 00:06:38.589 --> 00:06:41.129 near him, how could I possibly work, right? So 00:06:41.129 --> 00:06:44.189 then there's loss of income. And with all of 00:06:44.189 --> 00:06:46.569 these court dates going on, because they're all 00:06:46.569 --> 00:06:49.050 over the place, and the favorite tactic, the 00:06:49.050 --> 00:06:53.790 flavor of my situation was constant continuation, 00:06:53.889 --> 00:06:57.310 meaning right before the court hearing, sometimes 00:06:57.310 --> 00:07:01.870 even the day of, it's like physically there at 00:07:01.870 --> 00:07:03.790 court. It's like, nope, it's going to be continued. 00:07:03.990 --> 00:07:09.069 You have to come back. What fuckery? Okay, so. 00:07:09.899 --> 00:07:13.819 It's all done intentionally for psychological 00:07:13.819 --> 00:07:16.800 abuse, emotional abuse, financial abuse. It's 00:07:16.800 --> 00:07:21.560 I think it's abuse of the law. I was saying legal 00:07:21.560 --> 00:07:23.779 abuse. People are looking at me like I have fucking 00:07:23.779 --> 00:07:25.920 three heads because they don't even know what 00:07:25.920 --> 00:07:28.360 I'm talking about. And I'm like, no, I'm being 00:07:28.360 --> 00:07:32.819 abused by the law. Like, I just it's like I can't 00:07:32.819 --> 00:07:37.560 like the law is supporting this person in destabilizing 00:07:37.560 --> 00:07:44.269 me, taking. my kids from me and my animals and 00:07:44.269 --> 00:07:48.850 plants which i also consider like my children 00:07:48.850 --> 00:07:54.149 you're getting to know me but you may not know 00:07:54.149 --> 00:07:57.649 that i have a very very strong connection with 00:07:57.649 --> 00:08:02.029 plants and animals as well as humans i care very 00:08:02.029 --> 00:08:05.689 deeply i consider everything as a living being 00:08:05.689 --> 00:08:10.860 and i put quite a lot of energy and intention 00:08:10.860 --> 00:08:16.740 into living things that gives me life I think 00:08:16.740 --> 00:08:19.240 it's because I'm a human with a soul I don't 00:08:19.240 --> 00:08:21.860 think I'm special but I do think that I have 00:08:21.860 --> 00:08:27.399 an extra special connection with things and the 00:08:27.399 --> 00:08:30.480 reason that I say this is because I've also been 00:08:30.480 --> 00:08:32.879 excluded from my home and it's not just like 00:08:32.879 --> 00:08:36.330 a place that I live it's not just a house It 00:08:36.330 --> 00:08:39.070 was also my dream that I was trying to build 00:08:39.070 --> 00:08:45.210 a sanctuary for healing, for my own healing, 00:08:45.350 --> 00:08:47.950 for my family's healing, and for other people's 00:08:47.950 --> 00:08:52.230 healing as a business, but not for money. I knew 00:08:52.230 --> 00:08:55.210 that money would come in the form of help from 00:08:55.210 --> 00:08:57.330 other people. It doesn't have to be an exchange 00:08:57.330 --> 00:09:01.389 of currency. It's energy, an exchange of energy. 00:09:01.690 --> 00:09:07.409 I wanted to build a safe space. to allow time 00:09:07.409 --> 00:09:09.529 in nature, especially centered around children. 00:09:09.730 --> 00:09:13.389 I wanted to homeschool my daughter and put a 00:09:13.389 --> 00:09:17.090 fence up and protect our dogs who would frequently 00:09:17.090 --> 00:09:19.850 run into the woods and get Lyme's disease, et 00:09:19.850 --> 00:09:24.690 cetera, et cetera. There are coyotes, whatever. 00:09:24.909 --> 00:09:27.490 They're getting older. I just wanted to give 00:09:27.490 --> 00:09:30.389 them like space. Okay. I had two collies and 00:09:30.389 --> 00:09:33.450 they need work. They were, you know, barking 00:09:33.450 --> 00:09:36.289 all the time and trying to do like, they just, 00:09:36.350 --> 00:09:38.389 they needed work. They needed something to do. 00:09:38.509 --> 00:09:41.149 So I was like, well, let's build a homestead. 00:09:41.149 --> 00:09:45.950 I want to put up a big garden fence and build 00:09:45.950 --> 00:09:49.149 raised beds and also have like the land, you 00:09:49.149 --> 00:09:53.529 know, tilled and processed. Not that sounds fucking 00:09:53.529 --> 00:09:55.950 horrible. What I mean, the opposite of it, but 00:09:55.950 --> 00:09:59.909 peeling up the grass. rejuvenating the soil naturally 00:09:59.909 --> 00:10:06.330 organically um and intending on growing plants 00:10:06.330 --> 00:10:14.970 um for food and medicine so that was my dream 00:10:14.970 --> 00:10:17.850 i wanted chickens and honeybees which i also 00:10:17.850 --> 00:10:22.070 had there so just to put it into like some context 00:10:22.070 --> 00:10:25.029 for you why I believe things were done intentionally 00:10:25.029 --> 00:10:27.909 to psychologically harm me is because what the 00:10:27.909 --> 00:10:31.090 actual fuck like there's no explanation for it 00:10:31.090 --> 00:10:36.149 right so this is kind of random and off the cuff 00:10:36.149 --> 00:10:38.509 but I just also have to mention it because it 00:10:38.509 --> 00:10:40.409 came to me the other day and I was like wow what 00:10:40.409 --> 00:10:44.110 a blatant example of like fuck you and that was 00:10:44.110 --> 00:10:48.990 done on purpose but I I went away a couple of 00:10:48.990 --> 00:10:51.110 years ago when I was at the house. I was living 00:10:51.110 --> 00:10:56.110 there after I went through this process that 00:10:56.110 --> 00:10:58.350 I just described. It happened twice, like I said. 00:10:58.450 --> 00:11:00.730 I went through the process, and from what I saw 00:11:00.730 --> 00:11:04.970 in the court system, there was no escape. I had 00:11:04.970 --> 00:11:08.090 no support. I couldn't really fight it. I needed 00:11:08.090 --> 00:11:15.539 to just accept. It wasn't a square. entry point 00:11:15.539 --> 00:11:17.960 where we were coming in on equal footing. I was 00:11:17.960 --> 00:11:20.779 coming in as a criminal who had to defend myself, 00:11:20.919 --> 00:11:27.840 who was looking crazy. It was like total disrespect 00:11:27.840 --> 00:11:34.639 of me, myself, my whole being, everything I stand 00:11:34.639 --> 00:11:38.159 for and who I am in my soul. So very difficult 00:11:38.159 --> 00:11:42.029 to deal with. So then I was like, well, I want 00:11:42.029 --> 00:11:44.889 to fix things truly. I want to make it better. 00:11:45.330 --> 00:11:48.610 Part of the process of the first PFA, I filed 00:11:48.610 --> 00:11:52.730 for divorce after he filed a PFA. And then, you 00:11:52.730 --> 00:11:54.929 know, that was my leverage, but I actually wanted 00:11:54.929 --> 00:11:56.970 a divorce. I've been saying it for a year and 00:11:56.970 --> 00:12:01.330 a half prior to that. BT dubs, but actually filed 00:12:01.330 --> 00:12:03.490 for divorce finally. Cause I was not trying to, 00:12:03.549 --> 00:12:05.429 I was really trying to like work together and 00:12:05.429 --> 00:12:08.389 mediate things, but like not possible. So filed 00:12:08.389 --> 00:12:11.899 for divorce. Then I had leverage. as fucked up 00:12:11.899 --> 00:12:16.940 as that is and he says okay i'll drop the pfa 00:12:16.940 --> 00:12:21.460 if you drop the divorce okay so i did that through 00:12:21.460 --> 00:12:27.799 the lawyers and one of the requirements was going 00:12:27.799 --> 00:12:36.940 to therapy which we subsequently did it's like 00:12:36.940 --> 00:12:39.600 they like what they in pennsylvania specifically 00:12:40.409 --> 00:12:43.110 This is what my experience is. They don't want 00:12:43.110 --> 00:12:46.429 people to get divorced. It takes quite a period 00:12:46.429 --> 00:12:50.990 of time after you file is required to like make 00:12:50.990 --> 00:12:53.830 sure. And you're supposed to like do therapy. 00:12:53.909 --> 00:12:57.450 And like, I mean, it sounds good until you're 00:12:57.450 --> 00:12:59.429 like in a situation where you're like, yeah, 00:12:59.490 --> 00:13:02.129 I absolutely need a divorce right now. And the 00:13:02.129 --> 00:13:05.070 process of getting divorced is getting interfered 00:13:05.070 --> 00:13:08.029 with and fucked with and delayed. And it's hurting 00:13:08.029 --> 00:13:11.809 me. I'm being abused by this person and I want 00:13:11.809 --> 00:13:15.330 to sever ties from them. That's where it's a 00:13:15.330 --> 00:13:19.370 problem. Okay, so you might think in a normal, 00:13:19.570 --> 00:13:23.230 I don't know what normal is, but in a normal 00:13:23.230 --> 00:13:27.730 relationship where two people say, okay, we're 00:13:27.730 --> 00:13:30.389 no longer going to be together. Let's do this 00:13:30.389 --> 00:13:32.250 rationally, which is what I was trying to do. 00:13:32.450 --> 00:13:35.490 I wanted to buy a townhouse or rent an apartment 00:13:35.490 --> 00:13:42.860 so that We, as the parents, would be moving back 00:13:42.860 --> 00:13:46.919 and forth and our kids didn't have to move or 00:13:46.919 --> 00:13:51.639 be split or have major changes. That was not 00:13:51.639 --> 00:13:54.740 possible. I wanted to have the house to build 00:13:54.740 --> 00:13:57.580 the homestead because that makes sense. I also 00:13:57.580 --> 00:14:01.039 have the capabilities of doing that. Like I know 00:14:01.039 --> 00:14:04.019 how to run equipment. And I have my own knowledge. 00:14:04.100 --> 00:14:08.460 I've invested in many, many resources to be able 00:14:08.460 --> 00:14:11.940 to plant out this garden. I was very, very detailed. 00:14:12.000 --> 00:14:16.179 And I had a system for everything. The irrigation, 00:14:16.480 --> 00:14:19.740 it was going to be as natural as possible. And 00:14:19.740 --> 00:14:23.179 the whole loop closed itself with the chickens 00:14:23.179 --> 00:14:27.730 and composting and having everything. really 00:14:27.730 --> 00:14:31.129 as natural as possible. Especially after my awakening, 00:14:31.389 --> 00:14:34.269 what I realized was that is the only thing that 00:14:34.269 --> 00:14:42.129 matters to me is that I become more aware, gracious, 00:14:42.789 --> 00:14:48.490 like have gratitude for, and then embodied. The 00:14:48.490 --> 00:14:51.850 gifts of nature and the gift that it is to be 00:14:51.850 --> 00:14:54.649 a human being on earth, especially right now. 00:14:55.309 --> 00:14:59.470 we are fucking magic and we can do anything we 00:14:59.470 --> 00:15:03.610 just have to look to nature she knows okay so 00:15:03.610 --> 00:15:08.789 don't want to be like you you may not know me 00:15:08.789 --> 00:15:11.549 i just want to say you if you want to get to 00:15:11.549 --> 00:15:14.230 know me you will have to understand i am all 00:15:14.230 --> 00:15:18.769 over the place my mind i'm on grounded, as you 00:15:18.769 --> 00:15:21.669 say, right? It's my, I channel all kinds of things. 00:15:21.690 --> 00:15:24.149 I let things get picked up and I let things get 00:15:24.149 --> 00:15:26.610 put down. Sometimes my mind just gets like wiped 00:15:26.610 --> 00:15:28.789 in the middle of what I'm talking about. I'm 00:15:28.789 --> 00:15:33.110 crazy. It's fun. I hope you're here for it. So 00:15:33.110 --> 00:15:37.990 back to the, back to the. real serious conversation 00:15:37.990 --> 00:15:40.750 of like, I wanted to build this space. We had 00:15:40.750 --> 00:15:44.409 everything necessary. Let me remind you, we ran 00:15:44.409 --> 00:15:48.129 a landscaping business. So we had access to dump 00:15:48.129 --> 00:15:51.370 trucks and equipment like skid steers and backhoes. 00:15:51.389 --> 00:15:54.590 And we had everything necessary to do this and 00:15:54.590 --> 00:16:03.570 all of the materials. Not a single day. Did he 00:16:03.570 --> 00:16:06.980 contribute? to anything, he would also restrict 00:16:06.980 --> 00:16:10.600 my access to equipment, like take it. If he got 00:16:10.600 --> 00:16:13.360 mad at me, he would take the skid steer that 00:16:13.360 --> 00:16:16.240 I was working with. And then I would have to 00:16:16.240 --> 00:16:26.000 do it by hand because I'm a toxic lover. I'm 00:16:26.000 --> 00:16:32.000 an Aquarius sun, Aries moon, Gemini rising projector. 00:16:36.299 --> 00:16:41.519 so period take from that what you want i will 00:16:41.519 --> 00:16:45.399 get what i want and what i want is for fucking 00:16:45.399 --> 00:16:49.460 everyone okay it's not ever a selfish motive 00:16:49.460 --> 00:16:52.200 unless it's self -care because it's like i've 00:16:52.200 --> 00:16:56.080 also understood after going through so many years 00:16:56.080 --> 00:17:02.379 of emotional neglect and um psychological abuse 00:17:02.379 --> 00:17:06.740 just financial insecurity um From someone who 00:17:06.740 --> 00:17:09.579 I did the opposite, like I built his business 00:17:09.579 --> 00:17:14.460 with him. I taught him and helped him gain financial 00:17:14.460 --> 00:17:19.099 security. I had a credit score of 805 when I 00:17:19.099 --> 00:17:24.660 was 33. And it was completely decimated over 00:17:24.660 --> 00:17:29.720 four years because my obligations, my financial 00:17:29.720 --> 00:17:32.339 obligations, the credit in my name is what I 00:17:32.339 --> 00:17:36.299 used. to pay for everything for my family. I 00:17:36.299 --> 00:17:40.640 bought everything, even pants, even jeans. Like 00:17:40.640 --> 00:17:43.319 my ex could not even buy his own jeans in his 00:17:43.319 --> 00:17:45.579 own size for some reason. And that's another 00:17:45.579 --> 00:17:48.859 thing I feel like is on purpose. It's like, oh, 00:17:48.880 --> 00:17:50.900 I need you to do everything. And then I become 00:17:50.900 --> 00:17:55.480 so busy, so overwhelmed that I am now blind to 00:17:55.480 --> 00:18:00.259 the external world. I'm so burdened by all of 00:18:00.259 --> 00:18:03.759 the things that I have to do. If I go to get 00:18:03.759 --> 00:18:09.980 my haircut once a year, guaranteed 30 minutes 00:18:09.980 --> 00:18:12.920 in, I get a phone call with my kids screaming 00:18:12.920 --> 00:18:16.660 in the background, crying, and him saying, when 00:18:16.660 --> 00:18:19.660 are you going to be home? Well, I like to dye 00:18:19.660 --> 00:18:24.920 my hair. I've done it since I was 14. I maybe 00:18:24.920 --> 00:18:27.839 get my haircut once a year, like dyed and stuff. 00:18:27.900 --> 00:18:30.539 It takes hours. It takes like four hours at least. 00:18:32.349 --> 00:18:34.190 Depends on the process. Depends on everything. 00:18:34.309 --> 00:18:40.289 So three, four hours. Once a year. Couldn't do 00:18:40.289 --> 00:18:43.609 it. Stressed out the whole time I'm there. Getting 00:18:43.609 --> 00:18:45.690 phone calls nonstop. When are you going to be 00:18:45.690 --> 00:18:49.329 back? Not a care in the world about how important 00:18:49.329 --> 00:18:51.990 that is for me to feel good and look good. Thank 00:18:51.990 --> 00:18:55.430 you. I'm so glad that I fell in love with someone 00:18:55.430 --> 00:18:58.289 who doesn't give a fuck about me. But you know, 00:18:58.490 --> 00:19:01.650 I'm not complaining about him. I'm saying. I 00:19:01.650 --> 00:19:05.930 allowed that for myself. I fucking allowed that. 00:19:06.150 --> 00:19:11.349 What does that say about me? That's kind of what 00:19:11.349 --> 00:19:14.769 hurts the most is like when I felt. betrayed 00:19:14.769 --> 00:19:19.029 like he's totally and he he he had no care in 00:19:19.029 --> 00:19:21.329 the world like when when after the two month 00:19:21.329 --> 00:19:23.710 period that i was restricted from my kids my 00:19:23.710 --> 00:19:26.869 house my work everything that i lived for and 00:19:26.869 --> 00:19:31.930 did at such a high level at such a hard pace 00:19:31.930 --> 00:19:42.190 going from 100 to zero it created a spontaneous 00:19:42.190 --> 00:19:48.299 kundalini awakening It created psychic gifts 00:19:48.299 --> 00:19:52.680 coming online. It created my intuition being 00:19:52.680 --> 00:19:55.680 so loud that I could no longer ignore it because 00:19:55.680 --> 00:20:01.700 my spirit was like, what the fuck? Get out of 00:20:01.700 --> 00:20:04.180 this, right? So that's my spirit screaming and 00:20:04.180 --> 00:20:06.559 I couldn't ignore it anymore. I tried and tried 00:20:06.559 --> 00:20:10.160 and tried. I used excuses for years and years 00:20:10.160 --> 00:20:12.400 and years saying, well, I can't just leave. I 00:20:12.400 --> 00:20:17.259 can't just stop. I can't. I can't give up because 00:20:17.259 --> 00:20:21.700 there are so many people depending on me. Except 00:20:21.700 --> 00:20:27.720 that's wonderful. It's beautiful. That's a gift. 00:20:27.920 --> 00:20:31.259 That's who I am. That matters to me. I'm a very 00:20:31.259 --> 00:20:34.200 loyal, hardworking person. I care very much about 00:20:34.200 --> 00:20:37.400 my family. I'm very sentimental. I'm very emotional. 00:20:38.349 --> 00:20:41.029 But I'm also very powerful. Like I'll fight for 00:20:41.029 --> 00:20:44.269 you. I'm one of those people who will fucking 00:20:44.269 --> 00:20:47.869 say something. I'll do something too. So I'm 00:20:47.869 --> 00:20:50.470 a good one. I feel like I'm a gift. But the hard 00:20:50.470 --> 00:20:53.630 thing about that is I can't expect that from 00:20:53.630 --> 00:20:56.509 other people. And when I looked around and I 00:20:56.509 --> 00:21:00.970 saw like my inner circle, my partner, the person 00:21:00.970 --> 00:21:03.890 that I chose in life to reflect back to me, my 00:21:03.890 --> 00:21:07.269 worth and to help me succeed and how he was treating 00:21:07.269 --> 00:21:13.470 me. It made me feel so sad that I wasn't able 00:21:13.470 --> 00:21:18.289 to recognize sooner and how bent out of shape 00:21:18.289 --> 00:21:22.990 I had gotten. It has taken about five years to 00:21:22.990 --> 00:21:24.589 even out from that. It took five years to get 00:21:24.589 --> 00:21:27.569 divorced, by the way. And look at that. What 00:21:27.569 --> 00:21:30.769 a coincidence. It happened at the same time. 00:21:31.950 --> 00:21:36.230 And I'm not trying to trauma dump. What I'm trying 00:21:36.230 --> 00:21:41.369 to say is there is a tactic that men use through 00:21:41.369 --> 00:21:45.470 the legal system that is intentional to harm 00:21:45.470 --> 00:21:49.710 the mother of their children, their soon -to 00:21:49.710 --> 00:21:54.190 -be ex -wife, in an effort to harm them. I mean, 00:21:54.210 --> 00:21:56.410 it's really, it's about money and it's about 00:21:56.410 --> 00:21:59.750 psychological abuse. That's what it's about. 00:22:12.650 --> 00:22:17.710 I personally have a very strong connection to 00:22:17.710 --> 00:22:23.130 this cause and to this issue and to the other 00:22:23.130 --> 00:22:25.410 parts of this topic. It's not even just about 00:22:25.410 --> 00:22:28.150 divorce or custody in a quote normal family. 00:22:28.349 --> 00:22:32.849 It's also this tactic is very, very prevalent 00:22:32.849 --> 00:22:38.890 in abusive people. People who abuse children 00:22:38.890 --> 00:22:42.890 as well. And the court system, the difficulty, 00:22:42.990 --> 00:22:47.569 the level of difficulty that women have had trying 00:22:47.569 --> 00:22:53.589 to protect their own children from their other 00:22:53.589 --> 00:22:58.410 parent that is abusing them. And if you look 00:22:58.410 --> 00:23:01.450 into Children of the Underground, it was a documentary 00:23:01.450 --> 00:23:05.130 about Faye Yeager. She not only experienced that 00:23:05.130 --> 00:23:09.890 herself with her husband. daughter but then went 00:23:09.890 --> 00:23:14.269 on to remarry and she created an underground 00:23:14.269 --> 00:23:16.470 railroad essentially for women and children to 00:23:16.470 --> 00:23:21.230 escape the abusive uh predator fathers who were 00:23:21.230 --> 00:23:23.930 backed up by the legal system and it's like well 00:23:23.930 --> 00:23:26.650 you you have to be with your dad you you have 00:23:26.650 --> 00:23:30.230 to go and it's like oh i have to go with someone 00:23:30.230 --> 00:23:37.500 who's sexually abusing me how what how That has 00:23:37.500 --> 00:23:45.079 happened to so many women and children. It just 00:23:45.079 --> 00:23:49.700 blows my mind. The law, it doesn't make sense. 00:23:50.319 --> 00:23:53.299 It doesn't make sense to me. I always thought 00:23:53.299 --> 00:23:57.140 that the law was here to help us. I always thought 00:23:57.140 --> 00:23:59.859 it was to help protect us. And that's what they 00:23:59.859 --> 00:24:04.529 say. It's fucking not. Not in this case. Not 00:24:04.529 --> 00:24:07.230 in this case. And with the overwhelmed systems 00:24:07.230 --> 00:24:11.470 of children, youth and families and the corruption, 00:24:11.670 --> 00:24:14.609 to be honest, to be like absolutely fucking blatantly 00:24:14.609 --> 00:24:17.289 honest, the corruption, because there are predators 00:24:17.289 --> 00:24:19.490 that work within that system. And you think that 00:24:19.490 --> 00:24:22.769 that's an accident? They have intentionally positioned 00:24:22.769 --> 00:24:24.970 themselves to be able to take advantage of children 00:24:24.970 --> 00:24:29.769 or to give people get out of jail card, get out 00:24:29.769 --> 00:24:32.470 of jail free cards. They're little fucking circle 00:24:32.470 --> 00:24:39.299 jerk buddies. Sickos. We're getting into a lot, 00:24:39.359 --> 00:24:46.460 but I'm just saying. It exists. Years ago when 00:24:46.460 --> 00:24:50.980 I had my abrupt spiritual awakening that coincided 00:24:50.980 --> 00:24:53.539 with this extreme level of stress, which I think 00:24:53.539 --> 00:24:58.640 makes total sense. It could be argued psychologically 00:24:58.640 --> 00:25:10.599 as a psychological break. Or it could be a spiritual 00:25:10.599 --> 00:25:14.359 awakening. What the fuck is the difference? You 00:25:14.359 --> 00:25:16.839 tell me. I actually would love to hear that. 00:25:17.140 --> 00:25:22.400 I would love to hear from you. If you are someone 00:25:22.400 --> 00:25:28.500 who endured trauma or not. And just had a spontaneous 00:25:28.500 --> 00:25:31.980 spiritual awakening without any knowledge of 00:25:31.980 --> 00:25:34.859 the spiritual realm. Without any conscious knowledge 00:25:34.859 --> 00:25:38.619 of the workings of the spiritual realm, which 00:25:38.619 --> 00:25:45.119 is reality. I want to hear from you. Anyway. 00:25:47.599 --> 00:25:52.140 I hope you like my rambling. I like rambling 00:25:52.140 --> 00:25:58.819 to you. But again. This podcast is about my experience. 00:25:58.960 --> 00:26:01.380 And the only reason I want to share it is to 00:26:01.380 --> 00:26:05.160 bring awareness, to bring perspective, to open 00:26:05.160 --> 00:26:07.839 up the conversation. Because I don't think most 00:26:07.839 --> 00:26:10.720 people in America understand that someone really 00:26:10.720 --> 00:26:15.759 could just go to the courthouse and write a statement 00:26:15.759 --> 00:26:19.859 under oath and fucking lie and change your life. 00:26:20.339 --> 00:26:25.440 Boom. Really fuck you up. You just you wouldn't 00:26:25.440 --> 00:26:28.740 even believe that that is possible. There's because 00:26:28.740 --> 00:26:31.519 typically when you get arrested, aren't you presumed 00:26:31.519 --> 00:26:33.920 innocent until proven guilty? Right. Like there's 00:26:33.920 --> 00:26:37.140 no evidence of stuff. Right. And God forbid there 00:26:37.140 --> 00:26:42.400 really is like a claim, a cause of concern that 00:26:42.400 --> 00:26:46.220 other people have initiated as a cause for concern 00:26:46.220 --> 00:26:48.640 to initiate an investigation with children, youth 00:26:48.640 --> 00:26:51.500 and families, for example. And then. Someone 00:26:51.500 --> 00:26:54.579 files a PFA the day after that investigation 00:26:54.579 --> 00:26:59.059 is open. And then that same person now has full 00:26:59.059 --> 00:27:04.980 legal custody of the child in question. And they're 00:27:04.980 --> 00:27:08.859 refusing their child to have a forensic interview, 00:27:09.039 --> 00:27:11.900 which they have full right to do because they 00:27:11.900 --> 00:27:16.440 have full legal custody. The other parent can't 00:27:16.440 --> 00:27:20.440 do a single thing. And it's all because they 00:27:20.440 --> 00:27:26.039 got a PFA. Simple as that. I think we need some 00:27:26.039 --> 00:27:32.259 reforms up in here. Or I would say that the court 00:27:32.259 --> 00:27:36.200 system that files PFAs, where there is a process, 00:27:36.400 --> 00:27:41.039 a due process without due process, like there 00:27:41.039 --> 00:27:46.680 is a legal execution without any legal proceeding 00:27:46.680 --> 00:27:50.160 that comes later. So I feel like that's like, 00:27:50.200 --> 00:27:52.779 I mean, I understand that it's for emergency 00:27:52.779 --> 00:27:55.960 situations and they try their best to navigate 00:27:55.960 --> 00:27:58.099 what someone is saying. And they can't just say 00:27:58.099 --> 00:28:00.859 this isn't true and then watch that person gets 00:28:00.859 --> 00:28:03.519 killed, which has happened before. But what the 00:28:03.519 --> 00:28:07.359 fuck? I mean, sometimes things are obviously 00:28:07.359 --> 00:28:13.279 not up to snuff, not a real claim. Like, for 00:28:13.279 --> 00:28:18.990 example, in my case. The process typically for 00:28:18.990 --> 00:28:21.490 someone to get a PFA is go to the courthouse 00:28:21.490 --> 00:28:25.609 and then there's an area inside of that called 00:28:25.609 --> 00:28:29.250 the domestic violence center. And they have advocates 00:28:29.250 --> 00:28:31.869 who are attorneys who will help you file that 00:28:31.869 --> 00:28:38.109 PFA and represent you in court. Well, when they 00:28:38.109 --> 00:28:43.470 refuse to represent you, I would think that that 00:28:43.470 --> 00:28:46.579 would mean. to the court or signal in some way 00:28:46.579 --> 00:28:49.740 to the court that this isn't necessarily legitimate 00:28:49.740 --> 00:28:54.099 because they represent everyone except for people 00:28:54.099 --> 00:28:56.559 they don't think deserve to have representation 00:28:56.559 --> 00:29:07.220 i digress i feel aggressive i feel aggressive 00:29:07.220 --> 00:29:09.799 right now and i hope i'm not coming off as aggressive 00:29:09.799 --> 00:29:13.279 but These things should spark a little bit of 00:29:13.279 --> 00:29:16.400 outrage because they are used by people. And 00:29:16.400 --> 00:29:18.579 the people who are manipulating the system, they 00:29:18.579 --> 00:29:22.059 know this. This is their playbook. They're ready. 00:29:22.480 --> 00:29:25.259 They have the lawyers. They have the money. They 00:29:25.259 --> 00:29:28.839 have the plan. They just execute it. And there's 00:29:28.839 --> 00:29:32.720 nothing you can do to undo it except wait. And 00:29:32.720 --> 00:29:35.059 even when you wait, it could come out bad for 00:29:35.059 --> 00:29:40.039 you. Yeah. or you could violate it and continuously 00:29:40.039 --> 00:29:45.779 get arrested that's personally what i did might 00:29:45.779 --> 00:29:50.059 get into that in another another episode but 00:29:50.059 --> 00:29:54.819 i don't regret it i don't regret it one bit i 00:29:54.819 --> 00:29:56.599 would actually do it again my lawyers fucking 00:29:56.599 --> 00:30:00.009 hate me my lawyers hate me Especially because 00:30:00.009 --> 00:30:01.849 I'm like, I don't really care and I would do 00:30:01.849 --> 00:30:04.109 it again. And I don't mean that to be disrespectful. 00:30:04.190 --> 00:30:06.410 I don't mean that to be reckless. I mean that 00:30:06.410 --> 00:30:09.769 genuinely. Because when the law is not doing 00:30:09.769 --> 00:30:14.309 what it should to protect a child, I will. Even 00:30:14.309 --> 00:30:17.130 if that's breaking the law. If that causes me 00:30:17.130 --> 00:30:19.529 to break the law, I don't give a fuck about the 00:30:19.529 --> 00:30:22.450 law. How about that? I mean, I feel like that's 00:30:22.450 --> 00:30:25.789 understandable. I feel like that, I feel like 00:30:25.789 --> 00:30:28.500 we should be that way. I mean, what comes first, 00:30:28.559 --> 00:30:32.720 the law or being human? Being a human, protecting 00:30:32.720 --> 00:30:36.579 a child, I think that that is very important. 00:30:37.019 --> 00:30:40.640 And I feel like in many other cases, things have 00:30:40.640 --> 00:30:44.940 been understood because of extenuating circumstances, 00:30:45.160 --> 00:30:49.400 which in my case, I would agree. I received that 00:30:49.400 --> 00:30:54.210 as well. I was also graciously. Not punished 00:30:54.210 --> 00:30:57.289 very severely because it was pretty clear that 00:30:57.289 --> 00:31:01.289 I am not a problem and that I don't have a history 00:31:01.289 --> 00:31:04.009 of violence and no one else says anything bad 00:31:04.009 --> 00:31:06.589 about me. In fact, I have affidavits saying the 00:31:06.589 --> 00:31:10.490 opposite. They're saying, you know, great things. 00:31:10.630 --> 00:31:13.230 So, you know, it's just, it's difficult. It's 00:31:13.230 --> 00:31:16.289 difficult in the position of knowing the truth, 00:31:16.369 --> 00:31:20.190 but having to wait. I obviously had difficult. 00:31:20.640 --> 00:31:23.740 waiting and i was extremely patient probably 00:31:23.740 --> 00:31:26.880 more than most but at the same time i did snap 00:31:26.880 --> 00:31:30.700 a few times and i think i think it's understandable 00:31:30.700 --> 00:31:34.420 luckily i was not punished very severely like 00:31:34.420 --> 00:31:38.039 i said but again i would do it again any day 00:31:38.039 --> 00:31:43.019 of the week any day of the week baby uh let's 00:31:43.019 --> 00:31:48.230 move forward to um more positive things i want 00:31:48.230 --> 00:31:50.829 to say because these things are what i'm sharing 00:31:50.829 --> 00:31:54.069 today i really hope it's not like upsetting i 00:31:54.069 --> 00:31:58.190 feel upset uh maybe we need to be a little upset 00:31:58.190 --> 00:32:01.690 maybe we do maybe it's not a bad thing especially 00:32:01.690 --> 00:32:03.690 in these times right now i think it's a good 00:32:03.690 --> 00:32:06.750 it's a good thing to fuel our divine feminine 00:32:06.750 --> 00:32:12.170 unfuckwithable dragon energy that we need to 00:32:12.170 --> 00:32:18.190 bring back to reclaim reality for humanity, true 00:32:18.190 --> 00:32:23.529 humanity to exist without interference of evil. 00:32:23.789 --> 00:32:26.990 And I think that's why we're here, friends. I'm 00:32:26.990 --> 00:32:28.670 really excited because I know that it's going 00:32:28.670 --> 00:32:32.930 to happen. We all are in this together and we 00:32:32.930 --> 00:32:36.309 all need to play our part by remaining positive. 00:32:36.609 --> 00:32:39.430 So sometimes, you know, despite, for example, 00:32:39.630 --> 00:32:42.170 this is a good example, despite going through 00:32:42.170 --> 00:32:45.660 really difficult things. like i just cited and 00:32:45.660 --> 00:32:48.119 i'm i'm just this is the tip of the iceberg what 00:32:48.119 --> 00:32:53.940 i just let out like you know verbal diarrhea 00:32:53.940 --> 00:32:58.339 right for the past i don't know 30 minutes tip 00:32:58.339 --> 00:33:11.220 of the iceberg the process of being becoming 00:33:11.900 --> 00:33:14.680 spiritual through this process was so necessary 00:33:14.680 --> 00:33:18.319 for me. And in that, I don't mean I found a new 00:33:18.319 --> 00:33:20.500 religion. I found something to follow. I found 00:33:20.500 --> 00:33:23.539 something to distract me, but the opposite that 00:33:23.539 --> 00:33:30.359 I found within myself, a higher degree of reflection 00:33:30.359 --> 00:33:34.660 of what is right and wrong. And to not just blindly 00:33:34.660 --> 00:33:38.440 follow what I'm told or what I, what is said 00:33:38.440 --> 00:33:43.660 to be because Things are amiss. Things don't 00:33:43.660 --> 00:33:46.440 make sense. And it's not always for our protection, 00:33:46.500 --> 00:33:56.220 despite the opposite being told to us. So, in 00:33:56.220 --> 00:34:04.039 any event, I always appreciate... taking time 00:34:04.039 --> 00:34:07.059 to breathe in all the way down to my root and 00:34:07.059 --> 00:34:10.599 connect in with the earth mother calm down calm 00:34:10.599 --> 00:34:16.119 the fuck down ground in and bring up like a straw 00:34:16.119 --> 00:34:18.940 some of that reassurance that we need to stand 00:34:18.940 --> 00:34:23.159 the fuck up and get going speaking of which i'm 00:34:23.159 --> 00:34:25.699 gonna do that uh i'm gonna get going i'm gonna 00:34:25.699 --> 00:34:30.269 go do some things right now and i Truly hope 00:34:30.269 --> 00:34:32.269 that I actually do share this episode without 00:34:32.269 --> 00:34:35.369 fear of retribution, because also along this 00:34:35.369 --> 00:34:39.010 process, I tried to share things online, for 00:34:39.010 --> 00:34:42.230 example, on social media. I even started a GoFundMe 00:34:42.230 --> 00:34:44.710 to try to get help financially to be able to 00:34:44.710 --> 00:34:51.130 fight all of these legal things. Terrible. just 00:34:51.130 --> 00:34:54.230 out here asking for money, but I needed it. So, 00:34:54.309 --> 00:34:57.530 and very thankfully I was helped and I was able 00:34:57.530 --> 00:35:00.849 to trade Akashic readings for people. Like I 00:35:00.849 --> 00:35:04.610 offered a free Akashic reading by email after 00:35:04.610 --> 00:35:07.170 that. So it's not like I'm just trying to get, 00:35:07.230 --> 00:35:10.090 get money. I needed it for a reason to be able 00:35:10.090 --> 00:35:13.710 to fight back. It's, it's crazy how it's required. 00:35:14.389 --> 00:35:19.090 And you might say, Oh, you can get. you could 00:35:19.090 --> 00:35:21.949 just get legal aid okay well i didn't have access 00:35:21.949 --> 00:35:24.690 to any of my files any of the things that i would 00:35:24.690 --> 00:35:27.650 have needed to be able to qualify for that it 00:35:27.650 --> 00:35:31.369 also takes quite a bit of time um i urgently 00:35:31.369 --> 00:35:34.750 feel the need to make change uh and the only 00:35:34.750 --> 00:35:36.949 way to do that is to fucking slap some hundos 00:35:36.949 --> 00:35:41.150 some thousands down actually in front of a lawyer 00:35:41.150 --> 00:35:44.670 and say i need help so that's what you do um 00:35:46.800 --> 00:35:50.199 I'm really spastic today. I'm going to go. I'm 00:35:50.199 --> 00:35:52.099 going to fucking go, but I hope you enjoyed this 00:35:52.099 --> 00:35:54.400 and it gave you a little bit of insight into, 00:35:54.440 --> 00:35:59.539 into my mania. And why, why I've become this 00:35:59.539 --> 00:36:02.880 way. I love myself so much and I wouldn't change 00:36:02.880 --> 00:36:09.260 a fucking thing. All right. Take care. I also 00:36:09.260 --> 00:36:13.760 wanted to share. This is my baby girl Kit Kat. 00:36:14.280 --> 00:36:16.880 So whenever you hear this little jingle jangle, 00:36:17.019 --> 00:36:21.900 you know it's her. Just so you know. She's a 00:36:21.900 --> 00:36:27.159 warrior for class. All right, all right, all 00:36:27.159 --> 00:36:30.639 right. Like I promised, my ADHD took me all over 00:36:30.639 --> 00:36:32.659 the place. And some of the things that I was 00:36:32.659 --> 00:36:35.079 talking about, I just straight up left behind. 00:36:35.639 --> 00:36:39.119 About eight minutes, 30 minutes in. Eight minutes, 00:36:39.260 --> 00:36:42.139 30 seconds in. I was talking about when I went 00:36:42.139 --> 00:36:45.199 to Sedona. What I was trying to describe was 00:36:45.199 --> 00:36:49.340 I had a nursery full in the garage. I had many, 00:36:49.420 --> 00:36:54.179 many different plants, food and flowers. And 00:36:54.179 --> 00:36:57.900 I had been nurturing them for months every day, 00:36:58.000 --> 00:37:00.260 lifting up the garage door, making sure they 00:37:00.260 --> 00:37:02.920 got enough sunlight, watering them, keeping them 00:37:02.920 --> 00:37:05.519 separate, giving them enough space and air circulation, 00:37:05.880 --> 00:37:11.519 you know, as a plant caregiver does. While I 00:37:11.519 --> 00:37:15.860 was away for three days, the garage got, quote, 00:37:15.900 --> 00:37:19.280 cleaned up. All of the plants were squished together. 00:37:21.460 --> 00:37:25.760 No light. Lots of water. Guess what happened? 00:37:26.239 --> 00:37:34.519 They all died. I asked, you know, so this is 00:37:34.519 --> 00:37:36.440 what I'm saying by things that, like, had to 00:37:36.440 --> 00:37:39.039 have been intentional because we were both landscapers. 00:37:41.260 --> 00:37:45.440 One time when I moved back in, I had a lot of 00:37:45.440 --> 00:37:49.420 clothes on a rack. My nicest clothes were on 00:37:49.420 --> 00:37:56.059 a rack. And I made a room downstairs to have 00:37:56.059 --> 00:38:00.119 my own separate area. And eventually something 00:38:00.119 --> 00:38:03.719 happened and my ex carried that clothing rack 00:38:03.719 --> 00:38:06.460 with all of the clothes on it directly up to 00:38:06.460 --> 00:38:11.079 the attic. And so all of my belongings are like 00:38:11.079 --> 00:38:14.099 scattered all over the place and that type of 00:38:14.099 --> 00:38:17.280 thing causes dysregulation. I wanted to bring 00:38:17.280 --> 00:38:20.739 that up. And it's interesting because the second 00:38:20.739 --> 00:38:23.880 time he filed the PFA against me, I was at home 00:38:23.880 --> 00:38:28.000 like I normally was. And the state police came, 00:38:28.159 --> 00:38:32.179 served me with the PFA, the warrant saying that 00:38:32.179 --> 00:38:36.420 I had to be evicted from the house. There were 00:38:36.420 --> 00:38:39.179 two police officers, one that I had become very 00:38:39.179 --> 00:38:41.860 familiar with because state police, they don't 00:38:41.860 --> 00:38:46.119 have that many officers. And in my area, we didn't 00:38:46.119 --> 00:38:49.920 have a township with a police department, so 00:38:49.920 --> 00:38:52.440 it was the state police. And it typically required 00:38:52.440 --> 00:38:55.820 more time for them to respond. And also, the 00:38:55.820 --> 00:38:58.420 more you called them, the more frequently you 00:38:58.420 --> 00:39:02.719 saw the same people. That eventually helped me 00:39:02.719 --> 00:39:05.760 because... That officer that I'm talking about 00:39:05.760 --> 00:39:09.559 made a statement on my behalf because she was 00:39:09.559 --> 00:39:12.940 able to see because she responded so many times. 00:39:12.960 --> 00:39:14.659 She was able to see what was really going on. 00:39:14.699 --> 00:39:18.360 She spoke up for me. So I appreciate that. But 00:39:18.360 --> 00:39:23.179 when she responded with her, I believe he was 00:39:23.179 --> 00:39:27.780 the supervisor of the troop, came to evict me. 00:39:27.860 --> 00:39:30.199 He was looking at my books on my bookshelf and 00:39:30.199 --> 00:39:35.980 he said, who's the beekeeper? and I just started 00:39:35.980 --> 00:39:41.599 bawling crying um and I was like I am I'm the 00:39:41.599 --> 00:39:44.820 keeper of all living things here and everything 00:39:44.820 --> 00:39:48.099 is going to die and he probably thought that 00:39:48.099 --> 00:39:51.079 I was being dramatic but I was actually speaking 00:39:51.079 --> 00:39:56.880 from experience um and I was correct uh I think 00:39:57.320 --> 00:40:00.960 All but three of the 12 chickens that I had died. 00:40:01.159 --> 00:40:04.000 And then that winter, the bees died. All of the 00:40:04.000 --> 00:40:08.840 plants were neglected and died. And for me, I 00:40:08.840 --> 00:40:11.460 take that very personally. Very, very personally. 00:40:11.579 --> 00:40:15.420 And there's no justice for them. So I just wanted 00:40:15.420 --> 00:40:19.030 to, like, you know, load on more. for you guys 00:40:19.030 --> 00:40:21.989 here at the tail end to really rub it in. I'm 00:40:21.989 --> 00:40:25.769 just kidding. No, I just wanted to express, you 00:40:25.769 --> 00:40:28.849 know, there are a lot of things that I feel have 00:40:28.849 --> 00:40:31.909 been done that were really, really wrong. And 00:40:31.909 --> 00:40:37.510 it caused a lot of stress and strain and death, 00:40:37.630 --> 00:40:40.949 destruction. So I just wanted to acknowledge 00:40:40.949 --> 00:40:44.329 that. And I promised myself that in the future, 00:40:44.429 --> 00:40:50.519 I'll never allow I'll never allow that to happen 00:40:50.519 --> 00:40:53.940 again to anything that I am in charge of or responsible 00:40:53.940 --> 00:40:57.300 for. So that is my commitment that I make to 00:40:57.300 --> 00:41:04.519 myself and all living things. And I trust, I 00:41:04.519 --> 00:41:10.699 trust that I'll be able to build an expansive, 00:41:10.820 --> 00:41:19.420 exquisite, self -sustaining, naturally responsible 00:41:19.420 --> 00:41:25.599 full of reciprocity environment for myself my 00:41:25.599 --> 00:41:29.239 kids and anyone else that we welcome into our 00:41:29.239 --> 00:41:33.400 space so have a wonderful day and uh i'll see 00:41:33.400 --> 00:41:34.179 you next time