WEBVTT 00:00:00.430 --> 00:00:03.549 How many of us know the stereotype of the overprotected 00:00:03.549 --> 00:00:06.710 Christian kid? And let's face it, that stereotype 00:00:06.710 --> 00:00:10.029 exists for a reason. Most of us probably know 00:00:10.029 --> 00:00:13.189 somebody who grew up incredibly sheltered. Or 00:00:13.189 --> 00:00:15.630 maybe we've watched parents do it to their own 00:00:15.630 --> 00:00:20.710 kids. And now that I'm a parent, I understand 00:00:20.710 --> 00:00:23.370 the temptation a whole lot better than I used 00:00:23.370 --> 00:00:26.250 to. Because controlling every aspect of your 00:00:26.250 --> 00:00:28.629 child's life sounds pretty appealing sometimes. 00:00:29.440 --> 00:00:32.280 If I could make every decision for my boys, I 00:00:32.280 --> 00:00:34.280 could keep them from making some really stupid 00:00:34.280 --> 00:00:37.640 mistakes. I could choose their friends, choose 00:00:37.640 --> 00:00:40.520 their influences, choose where they go, choose 00:00:40.520 --> 00:00:44.700 the situations they get into. Basically, keep 00:00:44.700 --> 00:00:46.719 making their decisions until they're about 45. 00:00:47.179 --> 00:00:50.520 And finally, seem responsible enough to have 00:00:50.520 --> 00:00:54.640 unsupervised access to a debit card. And underneath 00:00:54.640 --> 00:00:58.789 that is a desire that is... usually something 00:00:58.789 --> 00:01:02.429 good. We want to protect them. We love them. 00:01:02.630 --> 00:01:05.750 We can see consequences they cannot see yet. 00:01:06.209 --> 00:01:10.170 We've lived long enough to know that some decisions 00:01:10.170 --> 00:01:14.030 leave scars. So sometimes we'd really rather 00:01:14.030 --> 00:01:17.430 just make the decisions ourselves. But God didn't 00:01:17.430 --> 00:01:19.829 call me to raise permanent children. He called 00:01:19.829 --> 00:01:23.549 me to raise boys who, Lord willing, will become 00:01:23.549 --> 00:01:28.219 godly men. And those aren't the same thing. At 00:01:28.219 --> 00:01:30.859 some point, protection has to become preparation. 00:01:31.200 --> 00:01:34.019 I have to teach them wisdom, correct them when 00:01:34.019 --> 00:01:36.879 they're wrong, step in when something is genuinely 00:01:36.879 --> 00:01:40.040 dangerous. But I also have to let them learn 00:01:40.040 --> 00:01:43.180 how to make decisions, how to recognize danger, 00:01:43.319 --> 00:01:47.420 how to own failure, how to repent, how to walk 00:01:47.420 --> 00:01:50.180 faithfully when I'm not standing right beside 00:01:50.180 --> 00:01:53.859 them telling them exactly what to do. Maybe it's 00:01:53.859 --> 00:01:56.159 a little like teaching somebody to drive for 00:01:56.159 --> 00:01:58.510 the first time. You're sitting in the passenger 00:01:58.510 --> 00:02:03.370 seat, trying very hard to look calm, while internally 00:02:03.370 --> 00:02:06.349 reconsidering every parenting decision that brought 00:02:06.349 --> 00:02:09.389 you to this moment. You're watching the speedometer, 00:02:09.530 --> 00:02:12.150 watching the ditch, watching the mailbox, watching 00:02:12.150 --> 00:02:15.909 the oncoming truck. And your right foot is pushing 00:02:15.909 --> 00:02:18.110 an imaginary brake pedal through the floorboard 00:02:18.110 --> 00:02:20.990 like somehow sheer parental anxiety is going 00:02:20.990 --> 00:02:24.569 to activate a secondary braking system. With 00:02:24.569 --> 00:02:28.139 our children, There may be moments when we literally 00:02:28.139 --> 00:02:31.719 have to grab the wheel. But discipleship among 00:02:31.719 --> 00:02:34.500 adult believers is different. I'm not called 00:02:34.500 --> 00:02:37.259 to take over another Christian's life. I'm called 00:02:37.259 --> 00:02:39.280 to help point them towards maturity in Christ. 00:02:40.039 --> 00:02:43.159 And I think sometimes we forget that. Because 00:02:43.159 --> 00:02:46.020 when we love somebody, especially when we see 00:02:46.020 --> 00:02:47.979 them making choices we believe could hurt them, 00:02:48.400 --> 00:02:50.979 control can start feeling a whole lot like care. 00:02:51.800 --> 00:02:55.110 We start adding rules, then guardrails. Then 00:02:55.110 --> 00:02:56.870 guardrails around the guardrails. And before 00:02:56.870 --> 00:02:59.110 long, we're not just helping somebody follow 00:02:59.110 --> 00:03:02.250 Christ. We're trying to make sure they follow 00:03:02.250 --> 00:03:05.509 him exactly the way we think they should. And 00:03:05.509 --> 00:03:07.550 that's where it gets complicated. Because scripture 00:03:07.550 --> 00:03:10.750 absolutely calls the church to holiness. Sin 00:03:10.750 --> 00:03:13.750 matters. Correction matters. Accountability is 00:03:13.750 --> 00:03:17.569 important. There are times when loving somebody 00:03:17.569 --> 00:03:20.909 means saying something they absolutely do not 00:03:20.909 --> 00:03:23.879 want to hear. But there's a difference between 00:03:23.879 --> 00:03:26.419 restoring a brother and controlling a brother. 00:03:27.379 --> 00:03:30.939 Between correction and domination. Between holiness 00:03:30.939 --> 00:03:34.599 and harshness. And if we're going to be the kind 00:03:34.599 --> 00:03:37.819 of church Christ calls us to be, we need to know 00:03:37.819 --> 00:03:41.520 that difference. Welcome to Grace on the Ground, 00:03:41.639 --> 00:03:43.199 brought to you by Arrow & Roots Coffee Company, 00:03:43.240 --> 00:03:45.840 where faith meets the everyday. Here we take 00:03:45.840 --> 00:03:47.740 time to notice God's presence in the middle of 00:03:47.740 --> 00:03:50.139 life's busiest moments, to find encouragement 00:03:50.139 --> 00:03:52.960 and clarity. and a reminder of His grace right 00:03:52.960 --> 00:03:55.620 in the grind of daily life. So grab your coffee, 00:03:55.680 --> 00:03:59.280 and let's take a sip of this cup together. In 00:03:59.280 --> 00:04:01.960 our last cup, we talked about shepherds, about 00:04:01.960 --> 00:04:04.460 pastors and elders serving under the chief shepherd, 00:04:04.560 --> 00:04:08.259 about real authority, but authority that belongs 00:04:08.259 --> 00:04:11.060 to Christ before it ever belongs to a human leader. 00:04:11.560 --> 00:04:14.280 We talked about shepherds teaching, guarding, 00:04:14.460 --> 00:04:16.540 correcting, equipping, and caring for Christ's 00:04:16.540 --> 00:04:19.800 flock. But if we hear all of that and conclude, 00:04:20.040 --> 00:04:22.660 good. The pastors are responsible for keeping 00:04:22.660 --> 00:04:25.620 everybody spiritually healthy. We've missed a 00:04:25.620 --> 00:04:28.560 huge part of the New Testament picture. Holiness 00:04:28.560 --> 00:04:31.079 is not something we outsource to church leadership. 00:04:31.759 --> 00:04:36.060 The church is a body. It's a family. And scripture 00:04:36.060 --> 00:04:38.519 repeatedly gives ordinary believers responsibility 00:04:38.519 --> 00:04:42.259 for one another, encourage one another, bear 00:04:42.259 --> 00:04:46.019 one another's burdens, teach one another, admonish 00:04:46.019 --> 00:04:48.060 one another, forgive one another, and restore 00:04:48.060 --> 00:04:51.129 one another. Which means if we're actually going 00:04:51.129 --> 00:04:54.389 to live like family, sometimes we're going to 00:04:54.389 --> 00:04:58.750 have to say some hard things. Now, the phrase 00:04:58.750 --> 00:05:00.930 church discipline probably doesn't help as much. 00:05:01.129 --> 00:05:03.889 For some people, that immediately sounds like 00:05:03.889 --> 00:05:06.769 public embarrassment. Somebody standing in front 00:05:06.769 --> 00:05:09.089 of the congregation. Somebody getting removed 00:05:09.089 --> 00:05:11.589 from membership. Or maybe something churches 00:05:11.589 --> 00:05:16.250 did in 1847, right before voting on whether dancing 00:05:16.250 --> 00:05:20.540 would collapse Western civilization. And for 00:05:20.540 --> 00:05:22.980 a lot of churches today, it's something nobody 00:05:22.980 --> 00:05:26.279 talks about at all. We'd rather quietly hope 00:05:26.279 --> 00:05:30.699 sin resolves itself. Which has not been an especially 00:05:30.699 --> 00:05:34.660 successful strategy. But biblical discipline 00:05:34.660 --> 00:05:38.439 is much bigger than a formal process. Most healthy 00:05:38.439 --> 00:05:40.939 discipline should happen long before an entire 00:05:40.939 --> 00:05:46.759 congregation even gets involved. It happens in 00:05:46.759 --> 00:05:51.420 ordinary Christian relationships. Teaching, discipleship, 00:05:51.439 --> 00:05:54.459 encouragement, and correction. A friend asking 00:05:54.459 --> 00:05:57.980 a hard question. A mature believer noticing something 00:05:57.980 --> 00:06:01.680 changing in you. A brother saying, hey, I love 00:06:01.680 --> 00:06:04.639 you, but what you're doing doesn't line up with 00:06:04.639 --> 00:06:08.300 what you say you believe. That's part of pursuing 00:06:08.300 --> 00:06:11.180 holiness together. Not because we're suspicious 00:06:11.180 --> 00:06:13.660 of each other, but because we love each other. 00:06:19.129 --> 00:06:22.529 Every mistake, every immature decision, or every 00:06:22.529 --> 00:06:25.649 time somebody needs correction. It becomes necessary 00:06:25.649 --> 00:06:30.250 when serious sin is being persistent and defended 00:06:30.250 --> 00:06:35.029 instead of repented of. That distinction matters. 00:06:36.810 --> 00:06:39.350 Because the goal is never to create a church 00:06:39.350 --> 00:06:41.850 where everybody is terrified that one wrong step 00:06:41.850 --> 00:06:45.209 starts a disciplinary process. The goal is a 00:06:45.209 --> 00:06:48.259 church where we love one another enough. to help 00:06:48.259 --> 00:06:53.240 each other keep walking towards Christ. And before 00:06:53.240 --> 00:06:55.839 we go any further, it's worth remembering something 00:06:55.839 --> 00:06:59.699 Hebrews 12 teaches us. Scripture does not treat 00:06:59.699 --> 00:07:05.100 discipline as the opposite of love. God disciplines 00:07:05.100 --> 00:07:08.240 those he loves, not because he enjoys our pain, 00:07:08.339 --> 00:07:11.199 not because he is waiting for us to fail, because 00:07:11.199 --> 00:07:13.980 a father who loves his children refuses to abandon 00:07:13.980 --> 00:07:17.620 them to what destroys them. That gives us an 00:07:17.620 --> 00:07:20.439 important category. Biblical discipline isn't 00:07:20.439 --> 00:07:23.579 something Christians invented because religious 00:07:23.579 --> 00:07:26.100 people enjoy correcting each other. Correction 00:07:26.100 --> 00:07:30.939 belongs inside the larger work of love. But because 00:07:30.939 --> 00:07:35.360 God is the Father and we are not, our correction 00:07:35.360 --> 00:07:39.480 must always stay underneath his word, his purpose, 00:07:39.660 --> 00:07:43.019 and his authority. Jesus gives us one of the 00:07:43.019 --> 00:07:45.439 clearest pictures of correction in Matthew 18. 00:07:46.319 --> 00:07:48.519 He says that if your brother sins against you, 00:07:48.579 --> 00:07:51.680 go and tell him his fault, between you and him 00:07:51.680 --> 00:07:55.540 alone. And notice where Jesus starts. Not on 00:07:55.540 --> 00:07:58.519 Facebook. Not in a prayer chain. Not with six 00:07:58.519 --> 00:08:00.620 friends who just need to know how to pray for 00:08:00.620 --> 00:08:04.759 you. Not by assembling a jury of people who already 00:08:04.759 --> 00:08:07.620 agree with you. Jesus starts with two people. 00:08:07.980 --> 00:08:12.560 You and your brother. And then Jesus gives the 00:08:12.560 --> 00:08:16.670 goal. If he listens to you. You have gained your 00:08:16.670 --> 00:08:21.829 brother. That's the point. Not I proved I was 00:08:21.829 --> 00:08:25.350 right or I finally made him admit it. Not everybody 00:08:25.350 --> 00:08:28.129 knows what he did now. You gained your brother. 00:08:28.649 --> 00:08:31.029 Restoration is built into the process from the 00:08:31.029 --> 00:08:35.110 beginning. And that means motive matters. Do 00:08:35.110 --> 00:08:39.049 I want this person restored? Do I want repentance? 00:08:39.289 --> 00:08:42.789 Or do I want vindication? Do I want my brother 00:08:42.789 --> 00:08:45.610 back? Or do I want everybody else? To finally 00:08:45.610 --> 00:08:50.230 understand why I'm upset. Most of us aren't wandering 00:08:50.230 --> 00:08:52.830 around looking for more difficult conversations. 00:08:53.470 --> 00:08:57.090 We'd rather avoid them. We say things like, it's 00:08:57.090 --> 00:08:59.809 none of my business. I don't want to judge. I 00:08:59.809 --> 00:09:02.629 probably already know. I don't want to ruin the 00:09:02.629 --> 00:09:05.570 relationship. And sometimes restraint is wise. 00:09:06.090 --> 00:09:08.529 We aren't called to police every decision another 00:09:08.529 --> 00:09:11.789 Christian makes. But sometimes, what we call 00:09:11.789 --> 00:09:14.580 gentleness is really fear. Sometimes what we 00:09:14.580 --> 00:09:16.799 call minding our own business is just avoiding 00:09:16.799 --> 00:09:20.139 responsibility. Sometimes silence feels loving 00:09:20.139 --> 00:09:23.360 because silence costs us nothing. And there are 00:09:23.360 --> 00:09:26.919 moments when staying quiet isn't kindness. It's 00:09:26.919 --> 00:09:31.860 abandonment. If I watch someone I love walk towards 00:09:31.860 --> 00:09:35.320 destruction and say nothing because I don't want 00:09:35.320 --> 00:09:38.879 them upset with me, who am I really protecting? 00:09:39.340 --> 00:09:46.129 Them or me? I've had to learn that personally. 00:09:46.629 --> 00:09:49.149 There was a situation involving a brother in 00:09:49.149 --> 00:09:52.029 Christ where I wasn't handling things well. And 00:09:52.029 --> 00:09:54.509 another friend knew enough about what was happening 00:09:54.509 --> 00:09:57.730 to recognize it. He confronted me. He basically 00:09:57.730 --> 00:10:00.929 told me, if you love this brother, you need to 00:10:00.929 --> 00:10:05.690 drop what you're doing and go talk to him. And 00:10:05.690 --> 00:10:08.850 I did what any mature, spiritually discerning 00:10:08.850 --> 00:10:11.450 Christian always will do when somebody tells 00:10:11.450 --> 00:10:14.090 them something they don't want to hear. I argued. 00:10:14.600 --> 00:10:18.340 Hard. I had reasons. I had context. I had explanations 00:10:18.340 --> 00:10:21.240 for the context. And I'm pretty sure I had footnotes 00:10:21.240 --> 00:10:25.460 for some of those explanations. I could tell 00:10:25.460 --> 00:10:28.960 you why I had responded the way I had. Why the 00:10:28.960 --> 00:10:32.240 situation was different. Why what he was asking 00:10:32.240 --> 00:10:35.299 me to do wasn't nearly as simple as he was making 00:10:35.299 --> 00:10:38.860 it sound. And the frustrating thing was, he had 00:10:38.860 --> 00:10:43.200 a point. He was willing to risk me being angry 00:10:43.200 --> 00:10:46.669 with him. Because restoring my relationship with 00:10:46.669 --> 00:10:49.190 this brother mattered more to him than keeping 00:10:49.190 --> 00:10:52.929 our conversation comfortable. Eventually, I went. 00:10:53.730 --> 00:10:56.149 And that conversation helped restore a relationship 00:10:56.149 --> 00:11:00.570 that mattered to me. Looking back, my friend 00:11:00.570 --> 00:11:02.629 could have stayed quiet. That would have been 00:11:02.629 --> 00:11:06.090 easier. He could have listened to my explanations, 00:11:06.370 --> 00:11:09.909 nodded, said, yeah, man, I understand. And honestly, 00:11:10.149 --> 00:11:12.450 I probably would have felt better walking away 00:11:12.450 --> 00:11:15.929 from that conversation. But it would not have 00:11:15.929 --> 00:11:18.990 been more loving. It would have been easier for 00:11:18.990 --> 00:11:23.809 him to stay quiet. But easier isn't the right 00:11:23.809 --> 00:11:26.970 thing to do. He told me something I didn't want 00:11:26.970 --> 00:11:29.509 to hear because he loved me enough to care about 00:11:29.509 --> 00:11:33.870 what happened next. And I needed that. And before 00:11:33.870 --> 00:11:36.529 we go any further, this is probably where we 00:11:36.529 --> 00:11:38.789 need to turn the mirror around. Because some 00:11:38.789 --> 00:11:41.570 of us are already listening to this episode thinking, 00:11:42.009 --> 00:11:45.610 I know exactly who needs to hear this. Maybe. 00:11:46.149 --> 00:11:48.470 But before we start building a list of people 00:11:48.470 --> 00:11:50.889 we need to confront, there's another question. 00:11:51.710 --> 00:11:55.970 Can I be corrected? When somebody tells me something 00:11:55.970 --> 00:11:58.970 I don't want to hear, what happens inside me? 00:11:59.509 --> 00:12:03.950 Do I immediately explain? Defend? Counterattack? 00:12:04.769 --> 00:12:08.029 Point out their failures? Start building a legal 00:12:08.029 --> 00:12:12.220 case for why my situation is the exception. I 00:12:12.220 --> 00:12:15.779 know that impulse. I did it to that friend. And 00:12:15.779 --> 00:12:19.100 sometimes the grace God is giving us isn't the 00:12:19.100 --> 00:12:21.980 courage to confront somebody else. Sometimes 00:12:21.980 --> 00:12:24.879 the grace is the brother sitting across from 00:12:24.879 --> 00:12:28.659 us saying, you're in the wrong. That's grace 00:12:28.659 --> 00:12:33.179 too. Galatians 6 tells us that if someone is 00:12:33.179 --> 00:12:36.000 caught in wrongdoing, those who are spiritual 00:12:36.000 --> 00:12:39.340 should restore that person in a spirit of gentleness. 00:12:40.080 --> 00:12:42.620 And then Paul immediately warns the person doing 00:12:42.620 --> 00:12:46.580 the restoring to watch themselves. That's important 00:12:46.580 --> 00:12:49.799 because correction creates a very convenient 00:12:49.799 --> 00:12:52.860 temptation. For a few minutes, somebody else's 00:12:52.860 --> 00:12:57.500 sin is much easier to see than our own. Their 00:12:57.500 --> 00:13:00.419 problem is sitting right in front of us. Ours 00:13:00.419 --> 00:13:03.740 is conveniently off camera. But Paul doesn't 00:13:03.740 --> 00:13:06.080 picture the mature Christian standing over someone 00:13:06.080 --> 00:13:09.759 saying, thank goodness, one of us. has this figured 00:13:09.759 --> 00:13:14.240 out. He says, restore them gently and watch yourself. 00:13:15.179 --> 00:13:20.139 The word is restoration, repair, putting something 00:13:20.139 --> 00:13:22.580 back where it belongs, not crushing something 00:13:22.580 --> 00:13:25.179 because it's broken. The goal is repentance, 00:13:25.419 --> 00:13:29.240 healing, faithfulness, and the posture of gentleness. 00:13:30.360 --> 00:13:33.700 Not softness about sin, gentleness towards the 00:13:33.700 --> 00:13:38.019 sinner. Those are not opposites. And that's where 00:13:38.019 --> 00:13:41.279 this gets, personal for me in another way. There 00:13:41.279 --> 00:13:44.019 have been times in discipleship where I wanted 00:13:44.019 --> 00:13:47.960 a good outcome so badly that I started trying 00:13:47.960 --> 00:13:51.840 to manage the person toward it. My intentions 00:13:51.840 --> 00:13:56.240 were not necessarily bad. I wanted them to avoid 00:13:56.240 --> 00:14:00.379 sin. I wanted to make wise choices for them. 00:14:00.580 --> 00:14:03.600 I wanted to protect them from consequences I 00:14:03.600 --> 00:14:06.220 thought I could see coming. So I added a guardrail. 00:14:06.679 --> 00:14:09.779 Then another one. Then one more just in case. 00:14:09.779 --> 00:14:13.580 And eventually the person doesn't just see the 00:14:13.580 --> 00:14:16.360 scripture they need to obey. They need to obey 00:14:16.360 --> 00:14:19.659 my system for making sure they obey scripture. 00:14:20.840 --> 00:14:25.259 That's where care becomes control. Because the 00:14:25.259 --> 00:14:27.879 quickest way care turns into control is when 00:14:27.879 --> 00:14:30.600 we start treating another adult believer like 00:14:30.600 --> 00:14:33.100 our spiritual child instead of our brother or 00:14:33.100 --> 00:14:37.049 sister. Healthy discipleship should point people 00:14:37.049 --> 00:14:39.850 towards maturity in Christ, not permanent dependence 00:14:39.850 --> 00:14:43.450 on us. Not call me before every decision so I 00:14:43.450 --> 00:14:46.450 can approve it. Not if you disagree with my wisdom, 00:14:46.549 --> 00:14:50.129 you're rejecting God. We aren't discipling people 00:14:50.129 --> 00:14:54.289 into our image. We're pointing one another towards 00:14:54.289 --> 00:14:59.230 Christ. And this is one line we have to keep 00:14:59.230 --> 00:15:02.690 clear. If scripture calls something sin, the 00:15:02.690 --> 00:15:06.330 church can call it sin. If scripture gives wisdom, 00:15:06.509 --> 00:15:10.370 we can offer counsel. But if scripture leaves 00:15:10.370 --> 00:15:14.250 genuine liberty, I don't get to turn my preference 00:15:14.250 --> 00:15:18.389 into God's command. Correction is only as authoritative 00:15:18.389 --> 00:15:22.250 as the word standing behind it. And we're going 00:15:22.250 --> 00:15:25.610 to get much deeper into that in our extra shot. 00:15:25.850 --> 00:15:28.110 Because there are places where correction becomes 00:15:28.110 --> 00:15:31.210 coercion. Where authority gets abused. Where 00:15:31.210 --> 00:15:33.409 conscience gets bound by something God never 00:15:33.409 --> 00:15:37.240 commanded. Those lines matter. But they deserve 00:15:37.240 --> 00:15:41.580 more than a paragraph passing through this episode 00:15:41.580 --> 00:15:44.240 itself. So we're going to leave that for deeper 00:15:44.240 --> 00:15:48.399 work in the extra shot. Now, we need the other 00:15:48.399 --> 00:15:51.879 side. Because it would be easy to hear all of 00:15:51.879 --> 00:15:54.799 this and talk about gentleness and say, exactly, 00:15:54.960 --> 00:15:57.340 just give people grace and leave them alone. 00:15:58.360 --> 00:16:01.659 Scripture doesn't let us do that. 1 Corinthians 00:16:01.659 --> 00:16:04.860 5 deals with serious, open, unrepentant sexual 00:16:04.860 --> 00:16:09.320 sin inside the church. And Paul is not casual 00:16:09.320 --> 00:16:13.379 about it. The church knows sin is continuing 00:16:13.379 --> 00:16:16.679 and they're tolerating it. Paul makes clear that 00:16:16.679 --> 00:16:19.519 sin doesn't always stay contained to one person. 00:16:19.580 --> 00:16:23.620 It affects the body. And there comes a point 00:16:23.620 --> 00:16:26.700 where a church cannot pretend that open, settled 00:16:26.700 --> 00:16:30.009 rebellion against Christ is compatible. with 00:16:30.009 --> 00:16:33.549 faithful Christian fellowship. That's hard, but 00:16:33.549 --> 00:16:36.370 it's biblical. Grace does not mean making peace 00:16:36.370 --> 00:16:39.409 with sin. Love does not mean pretending destruction 00:16:39.409 --> 00:16:42.690 isn't destructive. Sometimes, correction has 00:16:42.690 --> 00:16:48.110 to move beyond one private conversation. Matthew 00:16:48.110 --> 00:16:52.330 18 shows that too. But even when the process 00:16:52.330 --> 00:16:55.970 becomes more serious, the purpose is still repentance 00:16:55.970 --> 00:17:00.360 and restoration, not revenge. And here's the 00:17:00.360 --> 00:17:02.440 distinction I think churches desperately need 00:17:02.440 --> 00:17:05.700 to understand. There's a difference between struggling 00:17:05.700 --> 00:17:10.140 with sin and making peace with sin. A believer 00:17:10.140 --> 00:17:14.119 saying, I hate this. I keep falling. I don't 00:17:14.119 --> 00:17:19.140 want this to own me. Please help. That's not 00:17:19.140 --> 00:17:22.119 the same posture as somebody saying, I know what 00:17:22.119 --> 00:17:24.819 scripture says. It's not that big of a deal. 00:17:24.920 --> 00:17:28.950 I don't care. I'm continuing. Those are different 00:17:28.950 --> 00:17:31.990 spiritual conditions. The first person may need 00:17:31.990 --> 00:17:35.450 serious help, accountability, counsel, boundaries, 00:17:35.710 --> 00:17:38.589 confession, long -term discipleship. They may 00:17:38.589 --> 00:17:41.630 fall repeatedly. But repeated struggle is not 00:17:41.630 --> 00:17:45.329 automatically settled rebellion. Repentance doesn't 00:17:45.329 --> 00:17:47.710 mean you never struggle again. It doesn't mean 00:17:47.710 --> 00:17:50.490 you never fall again. It means you're no longer 00:17:50.490 --> 00:17:54.329 making peace with the sin. You're turning from 00:17:54.329 --> 00:17:57.369 it towards Christ. even when that turning includes 00:17:57.369 --> 00:18:01.170 messy fights. And churches have to be careful 00:18:01.170 --> 00:18:04.490 here, because otherwise we can create an environment 00:18:04.490 --> 00:18:08.170 where the person honest enough to confess the 00:18:08.170 --> 00:18:10.190 sin that's in their life gets treated as more 00:18:10.190 --> 00:18:12.450 dangerous than the person who simply learned 00:18:12.450 --> 00:18:16.170 how to hide it. That's backwards. The church 00:18:16.170 --> 00:18:20.130 should be the one that is the safest of communities 00:18:20.130 --> 00:18:23.849 on the earth to tell the truth about our sin. 00:18:24.670 --> 00:18:27.509 Because it should also be one of the most serious 00:18:27.509 --> 00:18:30.269 places on earth about helping people kill it. 00:18:31.869 --> 00:18:33.569 Think about where we've been in this season. 00:18:34.490 --> 00:18:37.369 We've said the church is not a crowd. It's a 00:18:37.369 --> 00:18:40.829 body. We've said we need to be known. We've said 00:18:40.829 --> 00:18:43.569 we're family. We've said Christ gives shepherds 00:18:43.569 --> 00:18:47.349 to care for his flock. All of that leads us here. 00:18:47.890 --> 00:18:50.750 Being known means somebody knows me well enough 00:18:50.750 --> 00:18:53.380 to notice when I'm drifting. Somebody has enough 00:18:53.380 --> 00:18:57.400 access to ask, what's going on with you? Somebody 00:18:57.400 --> 00:19:00.799 can hear me tell them the same story for the 00:19:00.799 --> 00:19:03.660 third time and finally say, brother, I think 00:19:03.660 --> 00:19:07.880 you might be the problem here. Those are dangerous 00:19:07.880 --> 00:19:12.160 friends, and we desperately need them. If nobody 00:19:12.160 --> 00:19:15.420 in your church can ever challenge you, you may 00:19:15.420 --> 00:19:17.799 be around people without actually being known 00:19:17.799 --> 00:19:21.470 by them. And if we want everybody around us to 00:19:21.470 --> 00:19:25.170 encourage us, but nobody to correct us, we don't 00:19:25.170 --> 00:19:27.990 really want biblical community. We want a cheering 00:19:27.990 --> 00:19:31.710 section. And none of this belongs only to pastors. 00:19:32.630 --> 00:19:34.990 Formal discipline requires biblical order and 00:19:34.990 --> 00:19:37.970 leadership, but ordinary holiness belongs to 00:19:37.970 --> 00:19:41.430 the whole body. We bear burdens, we encourage, 00:19:41.809 --> 00:19:44.809 we exhort, we confess, we forgive, we receive 00:19:44.809 --> 00:19:47.910 correction ourselves. And when something is beyond 00:19:47.910 --> 00:19:52.569 us, We involve wise believers and biblical shepherds, 00:19:52.569 --> 00:19:57.109 but we don't outsource love. And here's another 00:19:57.109 --> 00:20:01.069 place churches can get this wrong. We can become 00:20:01.069 --> 00:20:04.650 so serious about proving that sin matters that 00:20:04.650 --> 00:20:07.450 we forget what to do when repentance actually 00:20:07.450 --> 00:20:11.789 comes. 2 Corinthians 2 describes someone who 00:20:11.789 --> 00:20:14.910 has experienced sufficient discipline. And Paul 00:20:14.910 --> 00:20:17.630 says the church should forgive him, comfort him. 00:20:17.960 --> 00:20:22.420 reaffirm their love for him. So important. Discipline 00:20:22.420 --> 00:20:24.559 isn't supposed to become permanent humiliation. 00:20:25.119 --> 00:20:28.220 If restoration was the goal, then repentance 00:20:28.220 --> 00:20:31.839 should matter. That doesn't mean every consequence 00:20:31.839 --> 00:20:34.839 disappears. It doesn't mean trust is magically 00:20:34.839 --> 00:20:37.559 rebuilt overnight. It doesn't mean every former 00:20:37.559 --> 00:20:41.039 role is automatically restored. Those are separate 00:20:41.039 --> 00:20:44.140 questions, and we'll deal with some of that in 00:20:44.140 --> 00:20:47.279 the extra shot. But repentant believers should 00:20:47.279 --> 00:20:50.700 not be reduced forever to the worst thing they've 00:20:50.700 --> 00:20:54.400 ever done. When repentance is real, move towards 00:20:54.400 --> 00:20:57.759 the person. Forgive. Comfort. Reaffirm love. 00:20:57.940 --> 00:21:00.900 Help them walk. Because the gospel we preach 00:21:00.900 --> 00:21:05.779 says Christ restores sinners. So before you confront 00:21:05.779 --> 00:21:09.759 somebody, slow down. Ask whether God has actually 00:21:09.759 --> 00:21:11.559 spoken clearly about what you're addressing. 00:21:12.380 --> 00:21:15.160 Ask whether you want restoration. or whether 00:21:15.160 --> 00:21:18.220 you want vindication. Ask whether you've gone 00:21:18.220 --> 00:21:22.319 to the person instead of around the person. And 00:21:22.319 --> 00:21:25.079 ask whether you're willing to stay after the 00:21:25.079 --> 00:21:28.799 hard conversation to help carry the burden. And 00:21:28.799 --> 00:21:30.440 if you don't know how to start the conversation, 00:21:30.740 --> 00:21:34.940 keep it simple and honest. You don't need a sermon. 00:21:35.119 --> 00:21:39.019 Just say, hey, I love you, but I'm seeing a disconnect 00:21:39.019 --> 00:21:41.779 between what you say you believe and what you're 00:21:41.779 --> 00:21:44.589 actually doing right now. Can we talk about it? 00:21:45.309 --> 00:21:48.029 Because Galatians doesn't just tell us to restore. 00:21:49.009 --> 00:21:52.410 It tells us to bear one another's burdens. Biblical 00:21:52.410 --> 00:21:56.809 correction is not drive -by condemnation. If 00:21:56.809 --> 00:21:59.250 I'm going to say, brother, this is hurting you, 00:21:59.309 --> 00:22:02.369 I should be willing to help walk with him towards 00:22:02.369 --> 00:22:07.130 repentance. Love tells the truth, and then love 00:22:07.130 --> 00:22:11.150 stays. Maybe you're listening from the other 00:22:11.150 --> 00:22:13.980 side. You know there's something in your life 00:22:13.980 --> 00:22:17.980 you've been hiding. You know that scripture says 00:22:17.980 --> 00:22:21.779 it's wrong. You know it's getting heavier. And 00:22:21.779 --> 00:22:24.200 part of the reason you're hiding is because you're 00:22:24.200 --> 00:22:28.460 afraid of what happens if somebody knows. Maybe 00:22:28.460 --> 00:22:32.079 you've seen Christians handle sin badly. Maybe 00:22:32.079 --> 00:22:35.799 you've watched confession become gossip. Maybe 00:22:35.799 --> 00:22:38.339 you've seen people humiliated instead of restored. 00:22:39.200 --> 00:22:43.240 That should grieve us. But don't let somebody 00:22:43.240 --> 00:22:46.039 else's failure become permission for you to stay 00:22:46.039 --> 00:22:49.920 in the darkness. Find a mature believer. Find 00:22:49.920 --> 00:22:53.339 someone who loves Christ and loves you. Bring 00:22:53.339 --> 00:22:57.720 it into the light. Ask for help. Not because 00:22:57.720 --> 00:23:00.299 the church is filled with perfect people. It 00:23:00.299 --> 00:23:03.519 isn't. But because Christ did not design you 00:23:03.519 --> 00:23:07.539 to fight sin alone. There is grace in being known. 00:23:08.299 --> 00:23:13.160 Even when being known is uncomfortable. The church 00:23:13.160 --> 00:23:15.700 Jesus is making is not a church where nobody 00:23:15.700 --> 00:23:19.259 ever says anything uncomfortable. That isn't 00:23:19.259 --> 00:23:22.680 love. But it's also not a church where everybody 00:23:22.680 --> 00:23:25.319 is watching everybody else, waiting to catch 00:23:25.319 --> 00:23:29.559 a mistake. That's not love either. Jesus is forming 00:23:29.559 --> 00:23:31.700 a people who take holiness seriously because 00:23:31.700 --> 00:23:34.839 they take him seriously. And who take restoration 00:23:34.839 --> 00:23:37.059 seriously because they understand the gospel. 00:23:37.680 --> 00:23:40.420 And people willing to say, brother, this is sin. 00:23:40.880 --> 00:23:44.900 And also, Brother, I'm staying with you to fight. 00:23:46.720 --> 00:23:49.559 Humble enough to confront. Humble enough to receive 00:23:49.559 --> 00:23:53.240 confrontation. Serious enough not to excuse sin. 00:23:53.339 --> 00:23:57.220 Gentle enough not to crush sinners. Wise enough 00:23:57.220 --> 00:24:00.019 to know the difference between scripture and 00:24:00.019 --> 00:24:03.700 preference. Patient enough to walk through repentance. 00:24:04.220 --> 00:24:07.599 And eager enough to rejoice when somebody comes 00:24:07.599 --> 00:24:12.279 home. That's what love looks like when it has 00:24:12.279 --> 00:24:16.319 to tell the truth. Now, everything we've talked 00:24:16.319 --> 00:24:18.700 about today raises another important question. 00:24:19.039 --> 00:24:22.099 When does biblical correction cross the line 00:24:22.099 --> 00:24:25.440 into spiritual control? What happens when somebody 00:24:25.440 --> 00:24:28.619 calls a preference sin? When somebody tries to 00:24:28.619 --> 00:24:31.180 bind your conscience where scripture doesn't? 00:24:31.660 --> 00:24:35.099 And when submission starts meaning, don't question 00:24:35.099 --> 00:24:38.519 me? Or when correction stops pointing somebody 00:24:38.519 --> 00:24:41.769 towards Christ? and starts making them dependent 00:24:41.769 --> 00:24:45.829 on another person. Those are important distinctions. 00:24:46.089 --> 00:24:49.589 In the extra shot, we're going to slow down and 00:24:49.589 --> 00:24:52.589 draw some clear biblical lines between correction 00:24:52.589 --> 00:24:55.849 and control, authority and preference, repentance 00:24:55.849 --> 00:24:59.609 and manipulation, forgiveness and restoration. 00:25:01.250 --> 00:25:05.130 The center is this. Biblical authority is real, 00:25:05.230 --> 00:25:09.049 but nobody in the church has the authority. to 00:25:09.049 --> 00:25:13.490 replace Christ. So in the extra shot, we're going 00:25:13.490 --> 00:25:16.250 to talk about church discipline without spiritual 00:25:16.250 --> 00:25:19.930 control. And after that, we're going to turn 00:25:19.930 --> 00:25:22.670 the corner in this season. We've spent several 00:25:22.670 --> 00:25:26.130 cups talking about life inside the church, how 00:25:26.130 --> 00:25:28.849 we're known, how we function as a family, how 00:25:28.849 --> 00:25:31.829 shepherds care for the flock, how we pursue holiness 00:25:31.829 --> 00:25:35.210 together, but Christ didn't form a holy people 00:25:35.210 --> 00:25:38.819 so we could spend the rest of our lives staring 00:25:38.819 --> 00:25:43.460 inward at ourselves. He forms a people and then 00:25:43.460 --> 00:25:47.480 he sends them. So in cup nine, we're going to 00:25:47.480 --> 00:25:53.660 ask, are we simply seated or are we sent? Maybe 00:25:53.660 --> 00:25:55.779 the simplest way to land this cup is back where 00:25:55.779 --> 00:25:58.740 we started. If you're teaching a child to drive, 00:25:58.880 --> 00:26:02.299 you can't control every moment forever. Eventually, 00:26:02.420 --> 00:26:05.519 you have to let them drive. But love doesn't 00:26:05.519 --> 00:26:07.539 mean falling asleep in the passenger seat either. 00:26:08.430 --> 00:26:10.650 There are moments to teach, moments to warn, 00:26:10.750 --> 00:26:13.910 moments to speak, moments to let someone learn, 00:26:14.029 --> 00:26:18.430 moments to say, hey, you're drifting, and moments 00:26:18.430 --> 00:26:21.849 when you need someone sitting beside you to say 00:26:21.849 --> 00:26:25.589 it to you. That's part of being family. It's 00:26:25.589 --> 00:26:27.970 part of belonging to a body. It's part of being 00:26:27.970 --> 00:26:30.990 sanctified together. So ask yourself this week, 00:26:31.109 --> 00:26:34.430 who knows me well enough to tell me I'm wrong? 00:26:35.049 --> 00:26:38.759 And have I given them permission to? And before 00:26:38.759 --> 00:26:41.539 you answer the second question, sit with the 00:26:41.539 --> 00:26:44.460 first one for a little while. Then only after 00:26:44.460 --> 00:26:47.900 you've let that question turn towards you, ask, 00:26:48.140 --> 00:26:51.559 is there someone I love who needs me to stop 00:26:51.559 --> 00:26:54.740 being comfortably silent? Not because I need 00:26:54.740 --> 00:26:57.319 to control them, not because I need to win, but 00:26:57.319 --> 00:27:00.740 because I love them enough to want them walking 00:27:00.740 --> 00:27:05.579 truly in Christ. It would have been easier for 00:27:05.579 --> 00:27:09.140 my friend to stay quiet. But easier would not 00:27:09.140 --> 00:27:12.759 have been more loving. May God make us the kind 00:27:12.759 --> 00:27:15.220 of people who love enough to know the difference. 00:27:16.880 --> 00:27:19.579 Thanks for spending this time with us in this 00:27:19.579 --> 00:27:21.880 cup of grace in the ground. If this conversation 00:27:21.880 --> 00:27:24.920 helped you, share it with someone you trust enough 00:27:24.920 --> 00:27:27.339 to wrestle through it with you. Follow and subscribe 00:27:27.339 --> 00:27:30.099 wherever you listen. And if you've got a minute, 00:27:30.180 --> 00:27:32.460 leave a rating or review. Those simple things 00:27:32.460 --> 00:27:35.539 really do help other people find the show. And 00:27:35.539 --> 00:27:37.859 be sure to come back for the extra shot, Church 00:27:37.859 --> 00:27:40.880 Discipline Without Spiritual Control. We're going 00:27:40.880 --> 00:27:44.180 to talk about biblical authority, where it ends, 00:27:44.339 --> 00:27:47.240 and how we pursue holiness without turning discipleship 00:27:47.240 --> 00:27:50.079 into control. Until next time, keep your coffee 00:27:50.079 --> 00:27:51.339 strong and your faith strong.