WEBVTT 00:00:00.810 --> 00:00:03.509 There are few things in life that expose our 00:00:03.509 --> 00:00:05.490 ability to turn our personal preference into 00:00:05.490 --> 00:00:08.250 moral conviction faster than watching someone 00:00:08.250 --> 00:00:11.269 else load the dishwasher. Some of you already 00:00:11.269 --> 00:00:13.970 know exactly what I mean. There's a proper way. 00:00:14.349 --> 00:00:17.030 Plates go here. Cups go here. Silverware has 00:00:17.030 --> 00:00:20.269 a system. And there is always that one person 00:00:20.269 --> 00:00:22.289 who puts a bowl somewhere that makes absolutely 00:00:22.289 --> 00:00:26.070 no sense and somehow blocks the water from reaching 00:00:26.070 --> 00:00:30.589 half the machine. And you stand there, looking 00:00:30.589 --> 00:00:34.350 at it, thinking, I love you in Christ, but this 00:00:34.350 --> 00:00:38.850 is rebellion. Now, if you've just thought, no, 00:00:38.869 --> 00:00:42.310 Cody, there really is a wrong way to load a dishwasher, 00:00:42.590 --> 00:00:46.310 congratulations. You understand where we're going 00:00:46.310 --> 00:00:48.850 today. Because Christians have an incredible 00:00:48.850 --> 00:00:52.429 ability to take, that bothers me, and quietly 00:00:52.429 --> 00:00:56.409 turn it into, that is spiritually wrong. Those 00:00:56.409 --> 00:01:01.740 are not always the same thing. Welcome to an 00:01:01.740 --> 00:01:03.600 extra shot of Grace in the Grind, the part of 00:01:03.600 --> 00:01:04.920 the podcast where the mic probably should have 00:01:04.920 --> 00:01:06.420 been turned off, but we kept talking anyways. 00:01:06.760 --> 00:01:09.340 This is a bonus space for deeper theology, honest 00:01:09.340 --> 00:01:11.620 conversations, and a level of caffeinated commentary 00:01:11.620 --> 00:01:13.959 I should probably apologize for in advance. So 00:01:13.959 --> 00:01:16.099 grab your coffee, take a breath, and let's figure 00:01:16.099 --> 00:01:18.599 out how to love people who load the dishwasher 00:01:18.599 --> 00:01:22.540 wrong. In the main episode, we talked about the 00:01:22.540 --> 00:01:25.680 church as a family Christ gives us, not the people 00:01:25.680 --> 00:01:28.959 we curate, not just the people who think like 00:01:28.959 --> 00:01:32.780 us, a family. And family gets awkward. Paul seems 00:01:32.780 --> 00:01:35.980 to assume that Ephesians 4 tells Christians to 00:01:35.980 --> 00:01:40.599 walk with humility, gentleness, patience, and 00:01:40.599 --> 00:01:44.560 then this phrase, bearing one another in love. 00:01:45.099 --> 00:01:48.379 Think about that. Paul does not say find a church 00:01:48.379 --> 00:01:51.579 where nobody requires patience. He tells Christians 00:01:51.579 --> 00:01:55.099 to be patient with one another. Apparently, even 00:01:55.099 --> 00:01:57.819 spirit -filled believers sometimes require some 00:01:57.819 --> 00:02:01.269 bearing with. Which is comforting, because that 00:02:01.269 --> 00:02:04.150 means the person at church who gets on your nerves 00:02:04.150 --> 00:02:06.989 may not be evidence that your church is broken. 00:02:07.430 --> 00:02:10.310 They may just be evidence that other humans attend 00:02:10.310 --> 00:02:14.150 there. And that's where humility matters. Because 00:02:14.150 --> 00:02:17.750 humility makes room for this possibility. Maybe 00:02:17.750 --> 00:02:22.330 the problem isn't always them. Some people are 00:02:22.330 --> 00:02:25.330 direct. Some people take 20 minutes to say something 00:02:25.330 --> 00:02:28.050 you could have said in four sentences. Some people 00:02:28.050 --> 00:02:30.479 want a plan. Some people think having a plan 00:02:30.479 --> 00:02:33.439 is what ruins the fun. Some people are quiet. 00:02:33.960 --> 00:02:36.599 Some feel every silence available to mankind. 00:02:37.340 --> 00:02:40.659 Some people like everything organized. Other 00:02:40.659 --> 00:02:43.539 people apparently believe labels are an attack 00:02:43.539 --> 00:02:46.960 on Christian liberty. And none of those things 00:02:46.960 --> 00:02:50.580 automatically make someone sinful. They may irritate 00:02:50.580 --> 00:02:54.199 you. They may make working together harder. They 00:02:54.199 --> 00:02:56.400 may occasionally make you stare at the ceiling 00:02:56.400 --> 00:03:00.400 and ask, guide for fresh sanctification. But 00:03:00.400 --> 00:03:05.180 that annoys me and that violates scripture are 00:03:05.180 --> 00:03:08.879 not the same sentence. And sometimes I think 00:03:08.879 --> 00:03:12.099 what I really want is for someone to repent of 00:03:12.099 --> 00:03:14.939 sin. I want them to repent of not being like 00:03:14.939 --> 00:03:18.939 me. That's a much harder thing to admit. Because 00:03:18.939 --> 00:03:22.759 when I make my personality, preferences, habits, 00:03:22.979 --> 00:03:27.080 or expectations the standard, I can baptize irritation 00:03:27.080 --> 00:03:31.159 and call it discernment. I can call impatience 00:03:31.159 --> 00:03:34.259 having standards. I can call preference conviction. 00:03:35.020 --> 00:03:39.020 I can call somebody difficult when what I really 00:03:39.020 --> 00:03:44.439 mean is they don't do things my way. Not everything 00:03:44.439 --> 00:03:47.099 that irritates me requires repentance from you. 00:03:47.580 --> 00:03:52.180 Sometimes it requires maturity from me. Now, 00:03:52.280 --> 00:03:56.939 bear with one another. does not mean smile, say 00:03:56.939 --> 00:04:00.379 nothing, stuff every frustration down, and quietly 00:04:00.379 --> 00:04:03.280 build resentment collections in the basement 00:04:03.280 --> 00:04:06.860 of your soul. That's not patience. That's delayed 00:04:06.860 --> 00:04:10.039 explosion. Colossians 3 puts the pieces together. 00:04:10.719 --> 00:04:13.860 Compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, patience, 00:04:14.080 --> 00:04:17.139 bearing with one another, forgiving one another, 00:04:17.300 --> 00:04:21.879 and over all of it, love. So bearing with someone 00:04:21.879 --> 00:04:25.490 doesn't mean Pretending nothing is wrong. It 00:04:25.490 --> 00:04:27.769 means I'm learning to deal with another imperfect 00:04:27.769 --> 00:04:31.329 person as an imperfect person who has received 00:04:31.329 --> 00:04:35.230 grace. And that's important. Because I want people 00:04:35.230 --> 00:04:38.750 to be very patient with my weaknesses. I want 00:04:38.750 --> 00:04:41.069 people to assume the best about my intentions. 00:04:41.389 --> 00:04:44.509 I want people to forgive my poorly chosen words. 00:04:44.850 --> 00:04:48.069 I want people to give me room to grow. I want 00:04:48.069 --> 00:04:51.730 grace. I just don't always want grace to be equally 00:04:51.730 --> 00:04:55.180 expensive. when I'm the one giving it. But the 00:04:55.180 --> 00:04:58.199 reason I can bear with another Christian is not 00:04:58.199 --> 00:05:01.180 because they suddenly became easier. It's because 00:05:01.180 --> 00:05:03.560 I remember how patient Christ has been with me. 00:05:04.600 --> 00:05:07.379 And this is where maturity requires more discernment. 00:05:07.740 --> 00:05:10.500 Because not every problem gets the same response. 00:05:11.180 --> 00:05:15.060 Sometimes love says, that is not sin. Let it 00:05:15.060 --> 00:05:19.019 go. Sometimes love says, I think we misunderstood 00:05:19.019 --> 00:05:22.829 each other. We need to talk. Sometimes somebody 00:05:22.829 --> 00:05:25.629 actually hurt you and a real conversation needs 00:05:25.629 --> 00:05:28.930 to happen. And sometimes scripture is clear enough 00:05:28.930 --> 00:05:33.329 that actual sin needs loving confrontation. Maturity 00:05:33.329 --> 00:05:36.610 is learning the difference. Not every irritation 00:05:36.610 --> 00:05:39.930 needs a meeting. Not every hurt should be ignored. 00:05:40.670 --> 00:05:43.350 Not every disagreement should be promoted to 00:05:43.350 --> 00:05:46.350 the category of sin. That's part of why church 00:05:46.350 --> 00:05:49.230 family can be difficult. We have to learn to 00:05:49.230 --> 00:05:52.480 ask what actually happened here. Am I offended 00:05:52.480 --> 00:05:55.259 because scripture was violated or because my 00:05:55.259 --> 00:05:59.120 expectations were? Is this something love should 00:05:59.120 --> 00:06:01.959 overlook? Something humility should discuss? 00:06:02.680 --> 00:06:06.540 Or something truth requires us to address? Those 00:06:06.540 --> 00:06:09.540 are different questions. And this is where I 00:06:09.540 --> 00:06:12.100 want to be careful. There are legitimate reasons 00:06:12.100 --> 00:06:15.959 to leave a church. False teaching, abusive leadership, 00:06:16.379 --> 00:06:21.540 unrepentant, serious sin matters. Danger should 00:06:21.540 --> 00:06:24.560 not be tolerated under the banner of bearing 00:06:24.560 --> 00:06:27.699 with one another. But somebody being irritating, 00:06:28.000 --> 00:06:31.199 somebody organizing things differently, somebody 00:06:31.199 --> 00:06:33.879 having a personality you would never have picked, 00:06:34.019 --> 00:06:38.100 that's not an automatic reason to run. Sometimes 00:06:38.100 --> 00:06:42.160 leaving is necessary, and sometimes leaving is 00:06:42.160 --> 00:06:45.819 simply easier than becoming mature. Because if 00:06:45.819 --> 00:06:48.139 I leave every relationship the moment it becomes 00:06:48.139 --> 00:06:51.089 uncomfortable, I never have to learn patience. 00:06:51.370 --> 00:06:54.350 I never have to forgive. I never have to admit 00:06:54.350 --> 00:06:58.430 that I misunderstood someone. I never have to 00:06:58.430 --> 00:07:01.069 discover that maybe my preference wasn't quite 00:07:01.069 --> 00:07:04.550 as biblical as I thought it was. Sometimes the 00:07:04.550 --> 00:07:08.569 very friction I want God to remove is part of 00:07:08.569 --> 00:07:12.269 what he's using to shape me. So here's the challenge. 00:07:12.910 --> 00:07:15.550 Think about one person in your church who gets 00:07:15.550 --> 00:07:18.550 under your skin a little. You don't have to say 00:07:18.550 --> 00:07:21.509 their name out loud, especially if they're sitting 00:07:21.509 --> 00:07:24.870 next to you, and ask, what exactly is bothering 00:07:24.870 --> 00:07:29.569 me? Is this sin? Is this real hurt that needs 00:07:29.569 --> 00:07:33.709 a conversation? Is this a misunderstanding? Or 00:07:33.709 --> 00:07:36.269 is this simply a personality difference that 00:07:36.269 --> 00:07:39.470 God is asking me to meet with humility, patience, 00:07:39.750 --> 00:07:44.050 and love? And then ask the harder question, am 00:07:44.050 --> 00:07:46.269 I expecting them to become more like Christ? 00:07:46.800 --> 00:07:50.300 or just more like me. Because those are not the 00:07:50.300 --> 00:07:55.100 same things. Christ did not wait for us to become 00:07:55.100 --> 00:07:59.399 easy to love. He loved sinners. He moved towards 00:07:59.399 --> 00:08:02.920 people who needed grace. He showed patience to 00:08:02.920 --> 00:08:06.639 people who misunderstood him, failed him, doubted 00:08:06.639 --> 00:08:10.259 him, and disappointed him. And now the people 00:08:10.259 --> 00:08:13.420 he has reconciled to himself are learning how 00:08:13.420 --> 00:08:17.050 to extend that grace to one another. not perfectly 00:08:17.050 --> 00:08:22.629 or naturally, but faithfully. So maybe that person 00:08:22.629 --> 00:08:25.209 in your church who gets on your nerves is not 00:08:25.209 --> 00:08:28.389 standing in the way of your sanctification. Maybe 00:08:28.389 --> 00:08:31.250 in ways neither of you fully understand yet, 00:08:31.310 --> 00:08:34.490 God is using them as part of your sanctification. 00:08:36.049 --> 00:08:38.090 Thanks for joining me for this extra shot of 00:08:38.090 --> 00:08:41.509 Grace in the Grind. If this brought someone to 00:08:41.509 --> 00:08:43.769 mind, maybe don't send them this episode with 00:08:43.769 --> 00:08:46.860 no explanation. Start by checking your own heart. 00:08:47.659 --> 00:08:50.779 If a conversation is needed, have it with humility 00:08:50.779 --> 00:08:53.820 and grace. And remember, not everything that 00:08:53.820 --> 00:08:56.960 irritates me requires repentance from you. Sometimes 00:08:56.960 --> 00:09:00.039 it requires maturity from me. Until next time, 00:09:00.100 --> 00:09:01.879 keep your coffee strong and your faith stronger.