WEBVTT 00:00:00.590 --> 00:00:04.250 Every family has that one topic. It's the conversational 00:00:04.250 --> 00:00:06.290 landmine buried right beneath the surface of 00:00:06.290 --> 00:00:08.890 an otherwise perfectly normal Sunday lunch. You 00:00:08.890 --> 00:00:10.609 know the drill. You talk about the weather like 00:00:10.609 --> 00:00:13.210 your life depends on it. Ask how school's going 00:00:13.210 --> 00:00:15.470 and expertly step around the giant elephant sitting 00:00:15.470 --> 00:00:17.949 on the living room sofa. Everybody knows it's 00:00:17.949 --> 00:00:21.210 there. Nobody touches it. And after a few years, 00:00:21.289 --> 00:00:23.609 that awkward dance just feels completely normal. 00:00:24.570 --> 00:00:27.350 But here's the twist. We don't leave that survival 00:00:27.350 --> 00:00:30.379 strategy at the front door of our homes. Even 00:00:30.379 --> 00:00:32.539 our church families have these exact same issues. 00:00:32.700 --> 00:00:35.140 In fact, I would say especially our church families. 00:00:35.659 --> 00:00:38.380 We swap the dining room table for the church 00:00:38.380 --> 00:00:41.100 lobby, but the playbook is exactly the same. 00:00:41.299 --> 00:00:44.399 We grab our coffee, give a quick nod, and ask, 00:00:44.479 --> 00:00:47.600 how'd the week go? Meanwhile, we are actively 00:00:47.600 --> 00:00:50.259 navigating around sharp disagreements from the 00:00:50.259 --> 00:00:52.840 last business meeting or the fallout between 00:00:52.840 --> 00:00:55.280 two ministry leaders that everyone secretly knows 00:00:55.280 --> 00:00:59.049 about, but... You know, nobody's explicitly naming 00:00:59.049 --> 00:01:02.670 it. We've somehow been convinced by the modern 00:01:02.670 --> 00:01:05.390 church culture that avoiding friction is the 00:01:05.390 --> 00:01:08.390 ultimate form of spiritual maturity. We treat 00:01:08.390 --> 00:01:11.069 a polite silence as if it's the fruit of the 00:01:11.069 --> 00:01:14.150 spirit. Now, to be clear, we shouldn't go looking 00:01:14.150 --> 00:01:16.969 for a fight. No one is advocating for us to become 00:01:16.969 --> 00:01:20.310 relational firebrands who thrive on drama. But 00:01:20.310 --> 00:01:23.390 treating avoidance like maturity doesn't build 00:01:23.390 --> 00:01:25.930 a healthy church. It just builds a quiet one. 00:01:26.409 --> 00:01:29.590 And a quiet room full of broken connections is 00:01:29.590 --> 00:01:33.609 the exact opposite of peace. All we really have 00:01:33.609 --> 00:01:36.549 done is become comfortable with the distance. 00:01:37.129 --> 00:01:40.170 After enough time passes, we stop noticing the 00:01:40.170 --> 00:01:45.329 gap at all. We just start calling it peace. Welcome 00:01:45.329 --> 00:01:47.810 to an off -the -clock episode of Grace on the 00:01:47.810 --> 00:01:50.310 Grind. This isn't our usual structured deep dive. 00:01:50.909 --> 00:01:53.250 This is just a thought that's been keeping me 00:01:53.250 --> 00:01:55.480 up at night. The more I look at the modern church 00:01:55.480 --> 00:01:58.140 culture and my own tendencies to duck out of 00:01:58.140 --> 00:02:01.219 awkward situations, the more I'm convinced that 00:02:01.219 --> 00:02:04.280 we treat the local church less like a spiritual 00:02:04.280 --> 00:02:07.579 family and more like a polite country club. We 00:02:07.579 --> 00:02:10.400 settle for a holy hush, but quiet and peace are 00:02:10.400 --> 00:02:14.419 rarely the same thing. We all know the vibe instinctively. 00:02:14.960 --> 00:02:17.280 You walk into a committee meeting or a volunteer 00:02:17.280 --> 00:02:19.800 group, and the tension is so thick you could 00:02:19.800 --> 00:02:22.699 cut it with a church bulletin. No one is hurling 00:02:22.699 --> 00:02:26.439 hymn books. Yet the silence is deafening. Christians 00:02:26.439 --> 00:02:29.419 are remarkably talented at communicating pure 00:02:29.419 --> 00:02:32.560 hostility through overly pious smiles and aggressive 00:02:32.560 --> 00:02:35.759 prayer requests. We map out the sanctuary seating 00:02:35.759 --> 00:02:38.960 chart to avoid certain pews, memorize the forbidden 00:02:38.960 --> 00:02:41.659 topics, and convince ourselves that a lack of 00:02:41.659 --> 00:02:44.879 fireworks equals spiritual health. But avoiding 00:02:44.879 --> 00:02:47.840 the conversation doesn't lead to peace. Unresolved 00:02:47.840 --> 00:02:50.439 hurt in a church body doesn't just disappear. 00:02:50.659 --> 00:02:54.780 It goes underground, quietly. rotting the foundation 00:02:54.780 --> 00:02:59.460 while we keep painting the facade. Now, Scripture 00:02:59.460 --> 00:03:01.939 has an uncomfortable habit of dragging our hidden 00:03:01.939 --> 00:03:05.479 church baggage into the light. In Matthew 18, 00:03:05.800 --> 00:03:08.599 Jesus says out loud directly, face -to -face, 00:03:08.680 --> 00:03:12.039 master class in sorting out friction. He says, 00:03:12.139 --> 00:03:14.580 if your brother sins against you, go and tell 00:03:14.580 --> 00:03:17.460 him his fault between you and him alone. Now 00:03:17.460 --> 00:03:21.520 notice the distinct lack of modern church loopholes 00:03:21.520 --> 00:03:24.240 there. He doesn't suggest leaving the congregation 00:03:24.240 --> 00:03:26.939 to find another one with, you know, better vibes. 00:03:27.780 --> 00:03:30.360 He doesn't recommend gossiping under the guise 00:03:30.360 --> 00:03:32.379 of a heavy -hearted prayer request to your small 00:03:32.379 --> 00:03:35.840 group. And he definitely doesn't endorse dropping 00:03:35.840 --> 00:03:38.740 vague, passive -aggressive hints during the post 00:03:38.740 --> 00:03:43.000 -service coffee hour. He says go. Move towards 00:03:43.000 --> 00:03:45.819 the friction. Christ understood that avoidance 00:03:45.819 --> 00:03:49.240 never birthed true reconciliation. Truth does. 00:03:50.379 --> 00:03:54.400 Not when wielding it like a club to win an argument, 00:03:54.580 --> 00:03:58.439 but when offered as a bridge to rebuild a connection. 00:03:59.219 --> 00:04:02.819 The ultimate goal isn't personal victory, or 00:04:02.819 --> 00:04:06.460 taking that personal victory lap even, or proving 00:04:06.460 --> 00:04:09.740 a point to the leadership. The goal is restoration. 00:04:10.680 --> 00:04:14.020 If we're being completely honest, we dodge these 00:04:14.020 --> 00:04:16.899 moments because confronting someone in your church 00:04:16.899 --> 00:04:20.839 feels terrifying. Personally, I've been the grandmaster 00:04:20.839 --> 00:04:24.839 at rehearsing arguments in my head or to my steering 00:04:24.839 --> 00:04:29.220 wheel on the drive home. Now, we map out 37 different 00:04:29.220 --> 00:04:31.839 scenarios, draft biblical defenses that would 00:04:31.839 --> 00:04:35.459 make a theologian weep, and whip ourselves into 00:04:35.459 --> 00:04:39.560 a multi -week frenzy of anxiety. Then, you finally 00:04:39.560 --> 00:04:42.060 muster up the courage to have the actual conversation 00:04:42.060 --> 00:04:45.160 over coffee, and the other person just blinks 00:04:45.160 --> 00:04:49.079 and says, Oh, wow. I had no idea that text came 00:04:49.079 --> 00:04:53.560 across that way. I'm so sorry. All that mental 00:04:53.560 --> 00:04:57.420 cardio and existential dread for a two -minute 00:04:57.420 --> 00:05:01.060 chat, sometimes we call it picking our battles, 00:05:01.240 --> 00:05:04.279 when really we're just terrified of a little 00:05:04.279 --> 00:05:09.220 awkwardness. We have successfully downgraded 00:05:09.220 --> 00:05:12.420 the biblical concept of peace into mere emotional 00:05:12.420 --> 00:05:17.600 comfort. If nobody's causing a scene, and no 00:05:17.600 --> 00:05:19.519 one is firing off angry emails to leadership. 00:05:19.800 --> 00:05:24.160 We just assume the church is thriving. But true 00:05:24.160 --> 00:05:27.459 biblical peace, what the scripture calls shalom, 00:05:27.579 --> 00:05:31.560 isn't just a ceasefire. It's relationships being 00:05:31.560 --> 00:05:33.819 brought back into the right order under God's 00:05:33.819 --> 00:05:38.019 truth. This is why Ephesians 4 tells us to speak 00:05:38.019 --> 00:05:41.579 the truth in love. Those two things have to hold 00:05:41.579 --> 00:05:44.639 hands. If you pull them apart in a church community, 00:05:44.860 --> 00:05:47.569 everything breaks down. Because truth without 00:05:47.569 --> 00:05:50.870 love isn't actually discipleship. It's just a 00:05:50.870 --> 00:05:54.290 blunt instrument. It's a club. You might be factually 00:05:54.290 --> 00:05:57.410 right, but you're just beating people and calling 00:05:57.410 --> 00:06:01.089 it righteousness. And love without truth? That's 00:06:01.089 --> 00:06:03.930 just aspartame. It's that artificial sweetener 00:06:03.930 --> 00:06:07.730 the health experts warn leads to cancer. But 00:06:07.730 --> 00:06:11.649 we reach for it anyways. Because it saves us 00:06:11.649 --> 00:06:15.139 from dealing with the real thing. It's a counterfeit 00:06:15.139 --> 00:06:18.019 kindness that lets everything rot under the surface 00:06:18.019 --> 00:06:20.879 all because we're more committed to avoiding 00:06:20.879 --> 00:06:24.399 an awkward afternoon than we are to helping each 00:06:24.399 --> 00:06:27.740 other heal. Real spiritual community demands 00:06:27.740 --> 00:06:31.240 both. It requires the courage to say the hard 00:06:31.240 --> 00:06:35.180 things and the grace to stay at the table while 00:06:35.180 --> 00:06:38.379 we figure it out. One of my favorite examples 00:06:38.379 --> 00:06:42.560 of this is found in Acts 15. The early church... 00:06:42.759 --> 00:06:45.939 hit a high stakes theological crossroads. This 00:06:45.939 --> 00:06:48.259 wasn't a minor disagreement over carpet colors 00:06:48.259 --> 00:06:51.540 or service times. It was an existential crisis 00:06:51.540 --> 00:06:54.199 that could have fractured the entire movement 00:06:54.199 --> 00:06:57.759 before it even got started. They didn't form 00:06:57.759 --> 00:07:00.160 passive -aggressive subcommittees, nor did they 00:07:00.160 --> 00:07:02.360 split into rival house churches and ghost each 00:07:02.360 --> 00:07:06.540 other. They sat in the same room. They argued 00:07:06.540 --> 00:07:10.139 it out. They dug into scriptures and actually 00:07:10.139 --> 00:07:14.339 listened to one another. The friction didn't 00:07:14.339 --> 00:07:17.939 break them. It clarified what mattered and made 00:07:17.939 --> 00:07:21.180 their bond tighter. The real danger to the early 00:07:21.180 --> 00:07:24.699 church wasn't the disagreement. It was the temptation 00:07:24.699 --> 00:07:29.939 to walk away from the table. It's shockingly 00:07:29.939 --> 00:07:33.079 easy for a church to mistake functioning for 00:07:33.079 --> 00:07:36.660 flourishing. The calendar stays full. The Sunday 00:07:36.660 --> 00:07:40.139 songs get sung. The budget gets met. And the 00:07:40.139 --> 00:07:44.560 machinery... keeps humming along perfectly. But 00:07:44.560 --> 00:07:48.040 a ministry team can coast on autopilot for years 00:07:48.040 --> 00:07:51.300 while carrying a mountain of unspoken resentment. 00:07:51.699 --> 00:07:56.019 A congregation can meet every single Sunday out 00:07:56.019 --> 00:07:59.079 of sheer habit while maintaining an emotional 00:07:59.079 --> 00:08:03.379 canyon between the rows. Keep the gears turning 00:08:03.379 --> 00:08:07.980 is not the same thing as being a healthy body. 00:08:08.439 --> 00:08:12.850 A machine functions. The family heals. So the 00:08:12.850 --> 00:08:17.850 question I've been focusing on myself is, where 00:08:17.850 --> 00:08:21.329 am I settling for a ceasefire in my church instead 00:08:21.329 --> 00:08:24.990 of real peace? Where have I accepted a comfortable 00:08:24.990 --> 00:08:28.670 distance from a brother or sister because actual 00:08:28.670 --> 00:08:31.990 reconciliation requires too much emotional heavy 00:08:31.990 --> 00:08:36.690 lifting? Now let's be reasonable. Not every petty 00:08:36.690 --> 00:08:39.860 slight requires a formal sit -down. You don't 00:08:39.860 --> 00:08:41.759 need to call an emergency meeting because someone 00:08:41.759 --> 00:08:44.500 forgot to greet you in the lobby. But the deep 00:08:44.500 --> 00:08:48.379 stuff, the wounds that alter how you serve, the 00:08:48.379 --> 00:08:52.440 ones that you think about later, how you pray, 00:08:52.580 --> 00:08:56.279 how you view the body of Christ, those deserve 00:08:56.279 --> 00:08:59.519 more than a polite avoidance. Peace isn't the 00:08:59.519 --> 00:09:02.320 absence of tension. It's the presence of healing. 00:09:03.899 --> 00:09:07.620 When Jesus called peacemakers blessed, he wasn't 00:09:07.620 --> 00:09:10.000 praising people. who keep things comfortable 00:09:10.000 --> 00:09:13.259 by staying quiet. He was honoring those willing 00:09:13.259 --> 00:09:16.419 to wait in the mess to bring about truth and 00:09:16.419 --> 00:09:21.399 connection. It's awkward, it's risky, and it's 00:09:21.399 --> 00:09:25.179 incredibly uncomfortable. But perhaps the greatest 00:09:25.179 --> 00:09:29.059 obstacle to real peace in our churches isn't 00:09:29.059 --> 00:09:32.220 the conflict itself. It's our willingness to 00:09:32.220 --> 00:09:35.340 live with the distance. Thank you for hanging 00:09:35.340 --> 00:09:38.539 out with us on this Off the Clock chat. on Grace 00:09:38.539 --> 00:09:41.500 on the Grind. Until next time, keep your coffee 00:09:41.500 --> 00:09:43.860 strong and your fight stronger. And remember, 00:09:44.019 --> 00:09:47.240 don't mistake a quiet sanctuary for a healed 00:09:47.240 --> 00:09:47.500 heart.