WEBVTT 00:00:00.620 --> 00:00:02.839 There are a lot of jobs out there that I'm completely 00:00:02.839 --> 00:00:05.900 unqualified for. And look, I know that might 00:00:05.900 --> 00:00:09.019 shock some of you. Or, well, at least that I 00:00:09.019 --> 00:00:12.179 would admit it. But it definitely is true. For 00:00:12.179 --> 00:00:14.519 instance, you should never trust me to restore 00:00:14.519 --> 00:00:17.519 a priceless Renaissance oil painting. You should 00:00:17.519 --> 00:00:19.160 definitely never trust me to style your hair. 00:00:19.379 --> 00:00:21.519 Which is completely fine, because at this stage 00:00:21.519 --> 00:00:24.699 of my life, my own head is less of a style choice 00:00:24.699 --> 00:00:27.339 and more of a quiet testimony to simplicity. 00:00:28.649 --> 00:00:31.329 And you should absolutely never trust my estimate 00:00:31.329 --> 00:00:33.750 on how long it takes to actually get out of the 00:00:33.750 --> 00:00:37.030 house with children. Every parent listening right 00:00:37.030 --> 00:00:40.890 now knows that phrase, hey guys, we are leaving 00:00:40.890 --> 00:00:46.049 in five minutes, has absolutely nothing to do 00:00:46.049 --> 00:00:49.530 with linear time. It's not a timeline. It's a 00:00:49.530 --> 00:00:54.369 prophecy of impending suffering. But there's 00:00:54.369 --> 00:00:57.869 another job that I'm spectacularly unqualified 00:00:57.869 --> 00:01:02.170 for. And yet, for some reason, I keep on trying 00:01:02.170 --> 00:01:05.469 to apply for it anyway. The job of Holy Spirit. 00:01:06.129 --> 00:01:10.250 Now, obviously, I would never say that out loud. 00:01:11.010 --> 00:01:15.250 I never put that on a resume. Cody Hudson. Husband. 00:01:15.769 --> 00:01:19.489 Father. Coffee drinker. Assistant to Holy Spirit. 00:01:20.609 --> 00:01:24.049 That sounds entirely ridiculous. But functionally, 00:01:24.150 --> 00:01:27.530 in the quiet, messy corners of my daily life, 00:01:27.900 --> 00:01:32.519 Man, I've tried. I've tried to manufacture conviction 00:01:32.519 --> 00:01:36.540 in people. I've tried to force clarity, micromanage 00:01:36.540 --> 00:01:39.579 spiritual growth, and aggressively argue someone 00:01:39.579 --> 00:01:43.859 into wisdom. I've tried to sell people on sanctification 00:01:43.859 --> 00:01:46.340 like I was a high -pressure salesman trying to 00:01:46.340 --> 00:01:49.099 close a deal before the end of the month. And 00:01:49.099 --> 00:01:51.819 let's face it, theological debates and social 00:01:51.819 --> 00:01:54.219 media comment sections are always such an absolute 00:01:54.219 --> 00:01:57.819 dumpster fire. Nobody logs into Facebook. on 00:01:57.819 --> 00:02:00.180 Thursday morning thinking, you know what I hope 00:02:00.180 --> 00:02:04.060 happens today? I hope a total stranger with a 00:02:04.060 --> 00:02:07.239 blurry profile picture from 2014 aggressively 00:02:07.239 --> 00:02:11.400 corrects me into deep spiritual maturity. And 00:02:11.400 --> 00:02:15.360 yet, we keep pressing. We try to protect the 00:02:15.360 --> 00:02:18.439 people around us from making any possible bad 00:02:18.439 --> 00:02:21.620 decision. We exhaust ourselves trying to secure 00:02:21.620 --> 00:02:24.439 outcomes that only God has the authority to secure. 00:02:25.080 --> 00:02:27.840 And the trickiest part of the whole thing, is 00:02:27.840 --> 00:02:30.659 that we rarely call it control. We call it care. 00:02:31.099 --> 00:02:34.280 We call it deep concern. We call it leadership 00:02:34.280 --> 00:02:38.960 or discipleship or even parenting. Or we use 00:02:38.960 --> 00:02:41.479 that beautifully wrapped, incredibly dangerous 00:02:41.479 --> 00:02:45.319 phrase, I'm just trying to help. But if we're 00:02:45.319 --> 00:02:47.159 willing to be brutally honest with ourselves 00:02:47.159 --> 00:02:50.879 over this cup of coffee, sometimes I'm just trying 00:02:50.879 --> 00:02:54.199 to help actually means I'm incredibly uncomfortable 00:02:54.199 --> 00:02:56.340 with how little control I actually have in this 00:02:56.340 --> 00:02:59.199 situation. So I'm going to push harder until 00:02:59.199 --> 00:03:03.159 something bends. And that's where this gets incredibly 00:03:03.159 --> 00:03:06.539 hard. Because the people we are most tempted 00:03:06.539 --> 00:03:09.120 to manage are almost always the people we love 00:03:09.120 --> 00:03:13.620 the most. It's our kids, our spouse, the friend 00:03:13.620 --> 00:03:17.599 we are losing sleep over, the family member we've 00:03:17.599 --> 00:03:21.780 been praying for until our knees are sore. We 00:03:21.780 --> 00:03:24.319 see them walking straight towards a wall of pain. 00:03:24.800 --> 00:03:27.819 And everything inside us wants to grab them by 00:03:27.819 --> 00:03:31.080 the shoulders and scream, please, for the love 00:03:31.080 --> 00:03:33.199 of all that is holy, stop making your life harder 00:03:33.199 --> 00:03:37.120 than it has to be. Look, there's absolutely a 00:03:37.120 --> 00:03:40.180 time for warning. There's a place for hard conversations, 00:03:40.400 --> 00:03:42.939 for boundaries, for parenting, for correction. 00:03:43.840 --> 00:03:47.900 But there is a very real line we cross where 00:03:47.900 --> 00:03:51.979 love subtly mutates into grasping for control. 00:03:52.719 --> 00:03:56.199 Where faithful concern turns into crushing pressure. 00:03:57.039 --> 00:03:59.939 Where we step out of our actual assignment and 00:03:59.939 --> 00:04:04.280 start trying to do God's job for him. And I think 00:04:04.280 --> 00:04:07.479 we just need to say it plainly today. If the 00:04:07.479 --> 00:04:11.000 Holy Spirit hasn't resigned, then you and I can 00:04:11.000 --> 00:04:14.719 officially stop applying for his job. Welcome 00:04:14.719 --> 00:04:16.959 to an extra shot of Grace on the Ground. A part 00:04:16.959 --> 00:04:18.759 of the show where the mic probably should have 00:04:18.759 --> 00:04:20.040 been turned off, but we kept talking anyways. 00:04:20.540 --> 00:04:22.600 This is a bonus space for some deeper theology, 00:04:22.860 --> 00:04:24.959 raw stories, and a level of caffeinated commentary 00:04:24.959 --> 00:04:27.019 that I should probably apologize for in advance. 00:04:27.399 --> 00:04:30.519 So grab your coffee, take a deep breath, and 00:04:30.519 --> 00:04:35.540 let's get into it. In our main episode, we spent 00:04:35.540 --> 00:04:37.980 a lot of time talking about what it looks like 00:04:37.980 --> 00:04:41.800 to let go of the outcome. And the big takeaway 00:04:41.800 --> 00:04:44.639 was pretty simple. The outcome was never actually 00:04:44.639 --> 00:04:47.720 yours to carry in the first place. Your job is 00:04:47.720 --> 00:04:51.389 just obedience. But today, I want to press a 00:04:51.389 --> 00:04:53.649 little deeper into this. Because if we're being 00:04:53.649 --> 00:04:56.490 completely transparent, we don't just try to 00:04:56.490 --> 00:04:59.689 control outcomes. Sometimes, we try to control 00:04:59.689 --> 00:05:03.910 people. And again, it's rarely in some obvious, 00:05:03.990 --> 00:05:06.930 harsh, villainous way. Most of us aren't walking 00:05:06.930 --> 00:05:08.610 around the house twirling a cartoon mustache, 00:05:08.689 --> 00:05:12.769 thinking to ourselves, Excellent! Who can I emotionally 00:05:12.769 --> 00:05:16.250 manipulate before lunch today? Well, at least 00:05:16.250 --> 00:05:19.050 I really hope not. For those of you around my 00:05:19.050 --> 00:05:21.610 age, it's not like we have Pinky walking along 00:05:21.610 --> 00:05:25.189 beside us asking us, Gee, Brain, what are we 00:05:25.189 --> 00:05:28.709 going to do tonight? While we look back and reply, 00:05:29.029 --> 00:05:31.730 The same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try 00:05:31.730 --> 00:05:36.610 to take over the world. Yeah. We aren't really 00:05:36.610 --> 00:05:39.790 plotting global domination. Usually our control 00:05:39.790 --> 00:05:43.430 looks a lot more respectable than that. It masks 00:05:43.430 --> 00:05:47.970 itself as intense concern. It looks like constant 00:05:47.970 --> 00:05:50.910 helpful reminders. It looks like double checking 00:05:50.910 --> 00:05:53.870 to make absolutely sure they really understood 00:05:53.870 --> 00:05:58.069 what you meant the first time. Which, if you're 00:05:58.069 --> 00:06:00.769 anything like me, usually means saying the exact 00:06:00.769 --> 00:06:03.550 same thing six different ways and then circling 00:06:03.550 --> 00:06:05.949 back to it a few hours later or a few minutes 00:06:05.949 --> 00:06:08.449 later just to make sure the conviction landed 00:06:08.449 --> 00:06:12.610 properly. You know, very casually, very healthy. 00:06:13.399 --> 00:06:15.980 Definitely not exhausting for every single person 00:06:15.980 --> 00:06:19.319 inside a three mile radius. But that's exactly 00:06:19.319 --> 00:06:22.959 what control does. It keeps pushing because it 00:06:22.959 --> 00:06:25.459 cannot physically rest until the other person 00:06:25.459 --> 00:06:28.399 responds the way we think they should. And the 00:06:28.399 --> 00:06:32.199 hard sobering truth is this. I can speak the 00:06:32.199 --> 00:06:35.699 truth. I can love someone deeply. I can warn 00:06:35.699 --> 00:06:39.740 them carefully. Discipline them faithfully. And 00:06:39.740 --> 00:06:42.660 parent them intentionally. But I cannot force 00:06:42.660 --> 00:06:46.480 another human heart to repent. I cannot make 00:06:46.480 --> 00:06:50.500 another person believe or mature or love God. 00:06:51.500 --> 00:06:55.699 Only God can do that. And the second I forget 00:06:55.699 --> 00:07:00.180 that boundary, I don't become more faithful of 00:07:00.180 --> 00:07:03.040 a leader. I just become a whole lot heavier. 00:07:04.500 --> 00:07:07.220 In John 16, Jesus drops a line about the Holy 00:07:07.220 --> 00:07:09.100 Spirit that should be a massive relief for us. 00:07:09.579 --> 00:07:11.779 We usually treat it like a cooperative challenge. 00:07:12.120 --> 00:07:16.639 He says, when he comes, he will convict the world 00:07:16.639 --> 00:07:19.639 concerning sin and righteousness and judgment. 00:07:20.279 --> 00:07:23.540 Notice, Jesus didn't add a footnote that said, 00:07:23.699 --> 00:07:26.300 unless you have a really killer three -point 00:07:26.300 --> 00:07:28.959 argument, in which case, I'll step aside and 00:07:28.959 --> 00:07:33.459 let you close the deal. Conviction is the exclusive 00:07:33.459 --> 00:07:38.060 property of the Spirit. And if we look at that 00:07:38.060 --> 00:07:42.089 closer, At why that is, it changes everything. 00:07:42.610 --> 00:07:46.230 True biblical conviction isn't just making someone 00:07:46.230 --> 00:07:48.589 feel bad or forcing them to change a behavior. 00:07:49.290 --> 00:07:52.550 It's a supernatural resurrection, a complete 00:07:52.550 --> 00:07:56.209 shift in what a human heart loves and hates. 00:07:57.290 --> 00:08:01.449 With enough pressure or guilt, I can force behavioral 00:08:01.449 --> 00:08:04.810 compliance. I can make my kid clean their room, 00:08:04.910 --> 00:08:07.629 but I cannot force them to love cleanliness. 00:08:08.459 --> 00:08:11.759 I can speak the truth, but I cannot make that 00:08:11.759 --> 00:08:16.120 truth beautiful to someone else's soul. Yet when 00:08:16.120 --> 00:08:18.180 the spirit's timing doesn't match our frantic 00:08:18.180 --> 00:08:22.620 schedule, we try to take over his job. And honestly, 00:08:22.819 --> 00:08:27.000 we look absolutely ridiculous. We basically turn 00:08:27.000 --> 00:08:29.879 into a human lie detector test. We say something 00:08:29.879 --> 00:08:32.580 spiritual to our spouse or to our friend or child, 00:08:32.779 --> 00:08:35.620 and then we just sit there, staring at their 00:08:35.620 --> 00:08:38.370 face, tracking their eye movements. like a CIA 00:08:38.370 --> 00:08:42.029 agent, waiting to see if their conviction progress 00:08:42.029 --> 00:08:45.750 bar has finished loading in their brain. We think, 00:08:45.830 --> 00:08:49.710 I used my deep, serious, you know, real important 00:08:49.710 --> 00:08:53.009 voice. You should definitely be weeping tears 00:08:53.009 --> 00:08:55.710 of repentance by now. When that doesn't work, 00:08:55.809 --> 00:08:59.350 we reach into our own deeply flawed toolbox for 00:08:59.350 --> 00:09:02.929 fleshly substitutes. The heavy sigh. The cold 00:09:02.929 --> 00:09:06.570 shoulder. The weaponized silence. or the classic 00:09:06.570 --> 00:09:09.309 strategy of repeating the exact same sentence 00:09:09.309 --> 00:09:13.850 40 times until their spirit finally breaks, which 00:09:13.850 --> 00:09:16.830 could be categorized as auditory torture, repetitive 00:09:16.830 --> 00:09:20.129 interrogation, or sensory bombardment, which 00:09:20.129 --> 00:09:22.149 are all tactics that have been used by, you know, 00:09:22.149 --> 00:09:26.350 friendly groups like the KGB and the CIA. But 00:09:26.350 --> 00:09:31.629 you cannot yell a blind eye open. You cannot 00:09:31.629 --> 00:09:36.250 pressure a dead heart to loving Jesus. We are 00:09:36.250 --> 00:09:40.350 called to be faithful truth tellers, not sovereign 00:09:40.350 --> 00:09:45.129 heart changers. There is a profound freedom in 00:09:45.129 --> 00:09:48.250 remembering that you are only responsible to 00:09:48.250 --> 00:09:51.230 put the truth on the table. You are completely 00:09:51.230 --> 00:09:54.710 unqualified to force their heart to bow before 00:09:54.710 --> 00:09:59.029 it. In 1 Corinthians 3, Paul drops a massive 00:09:59.029 --> 00:10:02.549 reality check for our inner control freaks. I 00:10:02.549 --> 00:10:06.679 planted, Apollo swattered. But God gave the growth. 00:10:07.460 --> 00:10:11.059 I love planting and watering. But I want growth 00:10:11.059 --> 00:10:13.840 on my timeline. I wish sanctification had an 00:10:13.840 --> 00:10:16.179 app on my phone with a progress bar and a weekly 00:10:16.179 --> 00:10:19.820 text. Your kid is 54 % sanctified. Keep it up. 00:10:20.399 --> 00:10:23.179 Instead, when people grow too slowly for our 00:10:23.179 --> 00:10:26.700 liking, we do the dumbest thing possible. We 00:10:26.700 --> 00:10:29.659 try to force fruit by squeezing the branch harder. 00:10:30.899 --> 00:10:34.200 Think about how insane that looks. If you saw 00:10:34.200 --> 00:10:36.679 your neighbor aggressively squeezing an apple 00:10:36.679 --> 00:10:40.500 tree, screaming, Produce! You'd lock your doors 00:10:40.500 --> 00:10:44.679 and call the cops. Yet, we do this spiritually 00:10:44.679 --> 00:10:47.799 all the time with nagging and frantic anxiety. 00:10:48.679 --> 00:10:51.860 But you cannot squeeze maturity out of a human 00:10:51.860 --> 00:10:55.879 soul. You can plant with consistency. You can 00:10:55.879 --> 00:10:59.559 water with prayer. But you cannot force the harvest. 00:11:00.200 --> 00:11:02.659 Stop asking your obedience to carry sovereign 00:11:02.659 --> 00:11:07.460 power. Do your job and trust the only one who 00:11:07.460 --> 00:11:11.500 gives the growth. Since we've used the verse 00:11:11.500 --> 00:11:14.600 about the Lord building the house several episodes, 00:11:15.080 --> 00:11:18.480 we want to look at a different verse today that 00:11:18.480 --> 00:11:21.360 gets some of the same idea across. Proverbs 21 00:11:21.360 --> 00:11:24.379 31. It drops a different kind of reality check. 00:11:24.779 --> 00:11:27.259 The horse is made ready for the day of battle, 00:11:27.340 --> 00:11:32.610 but victory This is the perfect divide between 00:11:32.610 --> 00:11:37.090 our job and God's job. Our job is to prepare 00:11:37.090 --> 00:11:40.289 the horse. You feed it, brush it, saddle it, 00:11:40.350 --> 00:11:43.450 you ride it into the field. That's faithful responsibility. 00:11:44.470 --> 00:11:47.710 But you do not control the victory. The problem 00:11:47.710 --> 00:11:50.509 is, we don't just want to prep the horse. We 00:11:50.509 --> 00:11:53.409 want to guarantee the win. So we lie awake at 00:11:53.409 --> 00:11:56.049 2 a .m. mentally fighting battles for our kids, 00:11:56.230 --> 00:11:59.269 micromanaging our spouse's attitude, and rehearsing 00:11:59.269 --> 00:12:02.029 arguments from three days ago so we look smarter. 00:12:02.809 --> 00:12:06.590 It's a great strategy if your goal is an ulcer. 00:12:07.250 --> 00:12:09.789 When you pull the night shift trying to mentally 00:12:09.789 --> 00:12:12.610 manipulate every outcome, you aren't being faithful. 00:12:12.730 --> 00:12:15.809 You're trying to run the universe. Do your job. 00:12:15.950 --> 00:12:19.029 Prep the horse. Do the work. And then go to sleep. 00:12:19.809 --> 00:12:25.129 God's got the battle covered. Our assistant to 00:12:25.129 --> 00:12:27.909 the Holy Spirit resume shows up all over our 00:12:27.909 --> 00:12:30.450 daily lives, but it usually bottlenecks in three 00:12:30.450 --> 00:12:34.950 specific places. In marriage, we try to sanctify 00:12:34.950 --> 00:12:37.610 our spouse by pressure. A helpful correction 00:12:37.610 --> 00:12:41.690 here, a little tone there, or the classic weaponized, 00:12:41.789 --> 00:12:46.129 I'm fine, which is clearly not fine, but is apparently 00:12:46.129 --> 00:12:48.740 supposed to function. As a profound spiritual 00:12:48.740 --> 00:12:52.220 parable, the Holy Spirit never asked you to be 00:12:52.220 --> 00:12:54.759 a second -rate version of him in your spouse's 00:12:54.759 --> 00:12:59.620 life. In parenting, we confuse shepherding with 00:12:59.620 --> 00:13:03.240 controlling. Shepherding leads your kids towards 00:13:03.240 --> 00:13:07.919 Christ with open hands. Control tries to guarantee 00:13:07.919 --> 00:13:12.779 the response with clenched fists. And let's be 00:13:12.779 --> 00:13:15.840 honest, our kids can smell the difference from 00:13:15.840 --> 00:13:21.200 a mile away. in ministry and friendship. We think 00:13:21.200 --> 00:13:25.159 if we just push enough, explain enough, and follow 00:13:25.159 --> 00:13:28.580 up aggressively enough, we can keep someone from 00:13:28.580 --> 00:13:32.600 wandering. But some lessons cannot be pressure 00:13:32.600 --> 00:13:38.019 forced into a heart. Trusting God isn't hard 00:13:38.019 --> 00:13:41.220 in theory. It's only hard when someone you love 00:13:41.220 --> 00:13:45.279 is moving slower than you want. And you have 00:13:45.279 --> 00:13:47.600 to find out if you actually actually believe 00:13:47.600 --> 00:13:50.879 God is better at being God than you think you 00:13:50.879 --> 00:13:55.059 are. Here's the ultimate grace in all of this. 00:13:55.480 --> 00:13:58.940 You are not the Holy Spirit. And that isn't an 00:13:58.940 --> 00:14:03.080 insult. It's an absolute prison break. God isn't 00:14:03.080 --> 00:14:05.639 sitting in heaven disappointed that you aren't 00:14:05.639 --> 00:14:09.600 omnipotent. He never expected you to hold the 00:14:09.600 --> 00:14:12.399 universe together in the first place. For some 00:14:12.399 --> 00:14:15.179 of us, realizing this is going to feel like taking 00:14:15.179 --> 00:14:18.279 off a 50 -pound tactical backpack we forgot we 00:14:18.279 --> 00:14:21.200 were wearing. We've been carrying our child's 00:14:21.200 --> 00:14:24.019 salvation like it depends on our perfect phrasing 00:14:24.019 --> 00:14:26.759 or our friend's repentance like it depends on 00:14:26.759 --> 00:14:30.559 our sheer intensity. God looks at you and says, 00:14:30.659 --> 00:14:34.879 put it down. Letting go does not mean you care 00:14:34.879 --> 00:14:39.480 less. It means you trust more. You still show 00:14:39.480 --> 00:14:42.309 up. You still love. You still tell the truth, 00:14:42.490 --> 00:14:47.929 but you do it as a servant, not a savior. You're 00:14:47.929 --> 00:14:51.110 the parent, not the producer of growth. You're 00:14:51.110 --> 00:14:54.850 the spouse, not the sanctifier. It's much lighter 00:14:54.850 --> 00:14:58.649 to obey when you aren't trying to do God's job 00:14:58.649 --> 00:15:03.450 at the same time. This week, resign from the 00:15:03.450 --> 00:15:05.909 job you were never given. I'm not saying to quit 00:15:05.909 --> 00:15:08.490 parenting, volunteering, or having hard conversations. 00:15:08.870 --> 00:15:12.029 Just stop trying to be God. Ask yourself three 00:15:12.029 --> 00:15:15.090 quick questions. Who am I trying to spiritually 00:15:15.090 --> 00:15:20.429 manage? Not love or serve. Manage. Who are you 00:15:20.429 --> 00:15:25.690 constantly trying to fix or steer? What is my 00:15:25.690 --> 00:15:30.590 actual assignment? To pray? To speak truth? Or, 00:15:30.730 --> 00:15:34.230 and I say this very gently, to shut up for a 00:15:34.230 --> 00:15:38.730 minute and let God work. What am I trying to 00:15:38.730 --> 00:15:43.710 steal from God? conviction, salvation, the ending? 00:15:44.970 --> 00:15:48.710 Hand it over and pray a simple prayer. Lord, 00:15:48.769 --> 00:15:52.129 make me faithful in my role and let me out of 00:15:52.129 --> 00:15:54.970 yours. His shoulders can carry the universe. 00:15:55.570 --> 00:15:59.750 Yours cannot. If the Holy Spirit hasn't resigned, 00:15:59.990 --> 00:16:03.990 stop applying for his job. Love deeply, speak 00:16:03.990 --> 00:16:06.009 the truth, and teach your kids with patience, 00:16:06.190 --> 00:16:10.659 but stop carrying the outcomes. That is God's 00:16:10.659 --> 00:16:14.720 work, and he has a perfect track record. Thanks 00:16:14.720 --> 00:16:16.419 for joining me for this extra shot of Grace in 00:16:16.419 --> 00:16:18.200 the Grind. If this one stepped on your toes today, 00:16:18.360 --> 00:16:21.200 welcome to the club. My toes were already throbbing 00:16:21.200 --> 00:16:23.779 before I hit record. Share this episode with 00:16:23.779 --> 00:16:26.080 someone who needs to drop a heavy backpack this 00:16:26.080 --> 00:16:30.340 week, but do it gently. Do not text this link 00:16:30.340 --> 00:16:33.139 to your spouse or your teenager as a passive 00:16:33.139 --> 00:16:37.179 -aggressive hint. That is not ministry. That's 00:16:37.179 --> 00:16:40.360 just an ambush. Until next time, keep your coffee 00:16:40.360 --> 00:16:43.139 strong and your fight stronger. The Spirit is 00:16:43.139 --> 00:16:45.860 actively at work, and he doesn't need you to 00:16:45.860 --> 00:16:48.259 steal his job to prove you care. We'll see you 00:16:48.259 --> 00:16:48.720 in the next cut.