Welcome to Roll for Heresy, with Walton playing
Chet, Cliff playing Francisco, Tim playing Squigs,
and Kevin playing everyone else. Last time, the
group recovered from their fight with the Strange
Monkeys by enlightening Francisco about the Astra
Militarum, found a strange camp deep in the jungle,
and ended up captured by its inhabitants. Alright,
alright. You let me know if I can shift it. No.
No, actually, I rolled really good. You got obliterated.
Ah, fuck. Fuck every single duck. Sorry. I just
rolled four sixes. Oh. I got eight successes.
Oh, well, I guess you can shift to glory if you
want. I can shift to ruin. You're right. I sure
will. You probably should. Yep. because I'm going
to ruin your day, boy. You already did. So in
the woods, unlike Chet, who got a small inkling
and like managed to turn around, you're just
you're so concentrated, like you're aware, but
you're worried. You're like, oh, I'm listening
for the shootout. Like, I know they're going
to like something bad is going to happen. And
as soon as that thought clicks into the back
of your head, you feel multiple spears poking
into your back. Hello, whoever that is. How are
you? You having a nice evening in the terrible
jungle? I'm just like, yeah, like kind of my
hands are up. No, no talk. Go. And he like pokes
you towards the village. Slow. OK. Okay, okay,
it's all good here. I'm not even turning around
like I'm just Squigs has been in like Being taken
hostage before so he's just like all right. We're
talking. They're not stabbing. We're already
We're already above where things could be like
we're good. Just Just being compliant Good good
Now I shall activate this ha ha ha Fuck I feel
activated you all shall warp to the map I have
loaded This is a cool -looking village can't
tell me when you guys can print this from the
Ewoks. Yeah, I think it's a yay So this is this
is a complete picture of what Chet and Francisco
saw Like they obviously take you went as they
take you they take you on this path that is lined
with the luminescent moss that's like very clearly
their main path into the village you know Chet
and Francisco you arrive first and it's very
clear that you know they're waiting and a couple
minutes later Francisco with his like eyes forward
and hands up kind of like walks forward you see
Chet and Francisco sitting there I'm sorry Yes,
chant Francisco are sitting there squigs is Got
his hands up eyes forward you all meet each other's
gaze and realize you've been caught All right,
so is this This is like a treetop village Yeah,
it's like a There are multiple paths to get to
each little section. There are rope bridges connecting
each section There is hustle there is bustle
as you approach it gets a little hurried and
quiet as like you know The big ones the small
ones. They're all rushing around the small ones
kind of get hurried off into the distance You
know you see the main fire you can very clearly
see like primitive canoes There's lots of spears,
bows, everything you could think of. It's obvious
that this is a self -contained little dwelling.
Well, this is cute. It's a good sign they've
been able to survive in the jungle for, I assume,
a long time. Yeah, probably by sneaking up on
people in the middle of the night and eating
them. Yeah. Can't wait to eat you guys. All right,
the big big Jemoke said he wasn't gonna eat me
But I don't put much stock in that right now
because you know now I can do anything about
it. What? This thing stand out to me like I just
kind of want to take this in as I walk through
Though the wood some some wood looks new but
some wood looks very old the oldest Looks kind
of like a shrine You see a carved effigy and
you kind of just like you know, the look of worn
and aged area It is where it is in the corner
Like as you approach as the X they're ushering
you to the back of the village Yeah, I don't
know if you can see the map Where my ping is
they're ushering you up into this? Where there
is a larger section It is in the upper middle
of the village it has kind of Where everything
here is like one story area or pavilion? Yeah,
this is a pavilion. It's got multiple stories
It's extra fancy. You kind of feel like this
is the main hall Or maybe the place where someone
important is gathered Other than that you can
see like like Places you can assume or you know
have like store houses kind of like there's a
silo the tracks So what you'd expect from a regular
village, but it's like it's put up all Yeah,
the trees and yes, I got all in the tickets what
looks like a big meeting house yeah, and they're
taking exactly All right, would you guys like
to do anything or I will say that the village
is very populated. Chet would like to kind of
look and see if he can see anybody in charge
or talk to the guy that had the arrow pointed
at him. Like, hey, can you take us to your boss
person, your chief? You got a chief around or
is this some sort of democratic situation? It's
like a council or something? Yes. Walk. Nah,
alright, alright, he ain't got to be rude about
it, I'm going. And he'll walk wherever he's leading
him. I'm assuming deeper into the camp. Yeah,
so I'm gonna put you guys... I'm trying to make
the map make a little sense here. I didn't have
it make a little bit as I reorganized the tokens.
You guys are all on the first floor. Makes sense.
Yeah, let me... break out the description for
the little hall you walk in. So you're walking
through this village. You go into this hall.
You see intricately carved ancient weathered
trees with swirling depictions of some sort of
lore. Like you see carvings. Right now it's very
dark. And all the figures, I didn't describe
them because you can't really see them. They're
kind of cloaked just like you are. You know,
you hear like that soft rhythmic drumming. You
smell like clay burning in furnaces. You get
the spices of cooking. You know, everything is
coming out of this place. And in the center,
sits a very large, very tall creature. And as
you enter, it is well lit in here. And you can
now see them. Sorry, I have so many little snippets.
You're fine. You're fine. And it's a gene stealer.
You see him neck deep in a pile of Levi's. Oh,
my God. Get out. No, I refuse a Wrangler his
name is Wrangler. Um, no, it's not uh He said
it's not even a stealer. He's just Jean Wrangler.
I Hate all of you. All right, so you see everyone
is bipedal they have a slender sinew in flame
and as he stands you see he's cloaked in iridescent
scales that catch the Bits of fire that flicker
off the various torches and the main bonfire
in the center they have high cheekbones and almond
-shaped eyes and This one his eyes seem to glow
a little luminescence if you will they have elongated
pointy ears that taper like delicate leaves of
the jungle They have a long, supple tail that
they unfurl as you approach. What the fuck? All
right. You're taking me in a couple of places
because you sounded like an Eldar for a second,
and then you said tail. I don't know what the
hell we're dealing with here. But did you say
they have scales, but they have pointed ears?
So did you say that it looked like he was kind
of had like a reflective sheen to him? Yeah.
Or am I making that up? No, I said it. Like iridescent
scales. Like lizard scales. Oh, okay. So, this
probably wouldn't be the guy that was watching
us in the trees then. You never actually saw
that guy, so you'd have no idea. Ah, that's true.
I never saw him. Alright. Oh. Never mind. And
Chet. Chet will look at him. It's a guy. I'm
guessing you're in charge. You're big chief around
here. he steps forward yes I am the chief please
wait one moment and he points at one he says
hmm and they say something in some language you
don't understand and the one in the back walks
away a few moment laters few moments later comes
back with a someone you recognize yet another
Jungle fighter They seem to be out of their armor.
They have no weapons. They're kind of Garbed
in whatever these guys are clothed in like kind
of like the traditional Like leaves and leather
that you would see in a like if you were to make
clothing out of the land Thompson, is that you?
You some bitch? Hey, Chet. Yeah, I got captured
a little while ago. Well, welcome to the club.
We've been captured, too, you dummy. How long
you been out here? Oh, I heard you have been
missing a while ago. Yeah, kind of lost track.
They found me and they've been making me teach
them Imperial language Well, you have done a
pretty good job most of them are well spoken
But you know, they can you keep me fed fed for
words Can you get them to let us get us out of
here or what's going on? I uh Maybe They seem
to be very open to services that we can provide.
They haven't killed me yet. I was unconscious
when they dragged me here. I kind of just woke
up here. I got hit by a fallen tree. I don't
know what happened to the rest of my squad. I
assume they're all dead. Yeah, they're probably
dead. Yeah, I assume they got eight. Yeah, they
probably get it yeah, but uh yeah, you know like
oh Chief Chief well, what would you like for
me? Do you know these three are they part of
your clan oh? Yeah, yes, they are yes, they are
they're very they're very friendly there that
I know them Especially this one They're they're
travelers like I was a traveler You three, what
do you call yourselves? Hello there, Chief. My
name's Chet Longbottom from the Birmingham Longbottoms.
Thompson, he knows me. We don't have a name per
se. We are more of a group of unincorporated...
Men and ratlings of the Imperium. Of man. And
Holy God Emperor, bless he on the Golden Throne.
I have heard of this. Imperium. Interesting.
There are more of you. Spread throughout the
stars, if I am to believe. Oh yeah, trillions
and trillions, an uncountable number of a mass
of humanity and other incorporated species. Yes.
It seems we have much learning to do about the
world and what is beyond. Well, it is funny that
you mentioned that because that is part of what
we're here to do. We are here to establish a
air landing zone so the Imperium can spread further
and you can learn all about it. I mean, not right
now because we're tied up, but you know, when
we're not tied up, that's what we're supposed
to be doing. It's D. I know not. of landing zone.
But I understand more of you wish to spread through
the jungle. Yes, yes, that that would be the
goal to spread through the jungle and make sure
it is safe and habitable for all the Imperium's
citizens. and government functionaries. Interesting.
Yes, we wish to be... I say we wish to be neighbors,
really. We have been for some time, but now as
we move into the jungle, we'd like to live much
closer. Yeah, we can be friends. Oh, I'm Francisco
Torrent, is what I'm called. and want lock it
is good to meet you travelers Francisco and the
other two I'm done shit that's a that's squigs
over there form a perfunctory bow Willago McShrater
Thank you. We have seen a few of your fellow
Klansmen. First, they were corpses. And we looted
them. We studied them. Interesting your weapons
are. And he pulls out a broken las pistol. Yeah,
we do have interesting weaponry and tools, and
I'm sure the Imperium would love to set up trade
with you, if that's something you're interested
in. I mean, not with us all tied up, of course,
but if we were able to go back and speak to our
bosses, I'm sure we could get something arranged,
where you could get some nice, fancy equipment.
Maybe raise yourself out of the... rustic standard
you have going on here. Nothing wrong with it,
just, you know. Yeah. Yes, these weapons, your
coverings, they are strong. We would like them.
We would trade. But how do we know we can trust
you? Well, I'll tell you. You are still strangers.
I'll tell you what my daddy told me a long time
ago. If you give a man your pants You can trust
him as a friend and I will give you my pants
right now to establish a bond of trust between
us That is two pairs of pants friend, yeah two
pairs of chest pants Quality Imperium pants made
of fine fibers I take you from the elements take
your humor as a good sign. However. Oh, yeah,
that's good. I mean, it's good to think funny,
but I will give you my pants if you need it.
You may keep your drapery. Oh, good. OK, I really
didn't want to take my pants off. You see, it
was a good thought. There are things in this
jungle, dangerous things. I do not know if you
knew, but I believe we are all being watched
all the time. Our Klansmen go missing every night.
Strange traps show up in seemingly uninhabited
parts of the jungle. You, all of you seem powerful.
If you find the creature and kill it and bring
me its skull, I will consider this a step of
goodwill. Then we will let you go so that we
may trade in the future. Can you speak for your
betters? Can you speak for your chief back home?
Uh, absolutely. One hundred percent. I speak
with the, uh, my friends here. We all speak with
the word of the, uh, Imperial Guard. And catchin'
jungle fighters. And, uh, squigs where you work
at. Oh, I'm just a scribe. And describes the
Union of the Imperium. Alright. I'm assuming
you're lying. So I would like you to deceive
me with the deception roll. Deception. I will
say you guys are doing great. You locked yourself
into an execution chat. Pretty good deception.
I have a six. I'm going to say it's a DN4 because
it's on the border of challenging. And I think
I'll use a glory for that. Do it. This seems
like an important one. Absolutely. So, let's
see what we got here. Dice don't fuck me. Wow,
very important that you got that extra die. You
barely succeed. Yes, barely succeeding is the
best kind of succeeding. It's technically a success,
the best kind of succeeding. Yes. Alright, you
see him ponder for a moment. He begins... trepidatious
with your words but then as you talk he kind
of relaxes and walks back and sits down that
is very good it is nice to meet a representative
if You killed this creature. And we trade. I
may secure the safety of my fellow Klansmen.
From the dangerous jungle. Absolutely. That is
exactly what I was thinking as well. Because
not only is the Imperium going to come and help
you guys out, they're going to help this whole
planet out. It's going to be great. It's going
to be nice. It's going to be safe. You're not
going to worry about any dangerous beasts that
are setting traps. We're going to clear it all
up for you. Wonderful. Wonderful. Okay. Well.
I say. We have a feast. You are now our guests.
And he walks over. We shall seal this pact between
us. And he spits in his hand. And it's like a
weird green globule. And he holds it out. Oh,
well, good. I thought I was gonna have to kiss
or something. That'd have been awkward. He spits
in his hand. Gives him a handshake. Yeah, you
guys do that forearm handshake. Yeah, you clasp
forearms. And... Game of Thrones style. Yeah,
you can feel his nails. You know, you can see
that like... They're armed with like bows and
spears, but they're never unarmed. Like, it's
very clear that they're also very dangerous with
their claws and their teeth. And... He goes,
Chet, with this bonding, I enter a pact with
you. I promise my cooperation. And I promise
a feast. And then he claps his hands. This night
we dine. For tomorrow, you may be headed to your
deaths. Well, at least they're going to feed
us. Yeah, at least we're going to get something
to eat. I mean, get the lead with the food. All
right. He looks around. He begins to shout something
in a language you don't understand. And then
the village just breaks out like he very clearly
gave a command. Everyone hears the chief and
obeys. So maybe I didn't describe it before,
but yes, Chet was correct. They tied you up and
took your weapons. You didn't have a choice,
so it didn't narratively matter. But it happened.
But they untied you. Yeah, I should have mentioned
it. But they took your weapons. They untie you
as a sign of trust. And they bring you to...
This is the Great Hall. They bring you to the
Feasting Hall. We're gonna, we're just gonna
put you randomly among. Take all of you guys
and just, you all, everyone crams in here. Look
at that, beautiful. It makes sense in your mind
theater not randomly scattered about this map,
but that's fine. We're in the big hall. We're
not in, like, the chief's hall. We're now in,
like, the local... Yeah, you're in, like, the
cafeteria. Like, communal. Yeah, but it's still
grand. There's still, you know... There's lots
of activity. You know, there's lots of food.
There's lots of energy. You hear the sound, the
music, the drums. Massive timber beams adorned
with intricate carvings draped with vibrant trailing
vines. Rough -hewn tables with platters spread
merrily amongst the tables almost groaning under
the weight of this exotic fare. Smoked meats
spiced with pungent herbs, succulent fruits glazed
in the dew of the jungle. bundles of aromatic
roots, releasing this earthy perfume into the
humid air. The drums beat the steady, hypnotic
cadence, while the wooden flutes sing an ancient
melody that echoes to the heartbeat of the wild
itself. He claps you all on the back, please
enjoy. Almost kind of a command more than an
ask or a statement. Chet's mouth is already stuffed
with food. Oh Yeah, yeah, thank you don't mind
if I do through this thing like Do I have like
Who are did it look like there are a lot of things
like feral? humans mutants God did aliens these
all look like the chief but in Various degrees
like they they're all lizard like they have tails
They have iridescent scales of different colors.
Some are purple. Some are green. Some are blue
You know, they have tall slender features they're
very lanky and thin Almond shaped eyes and they
all specifically have long pointed ears But they're
more on the the alien side than the abhuman side
They do not look yes, I would I would agree with
that statement. They do not look like they derived
from humans No one no one mentioned how that
works out for the imperial gets here. Oh, I was
keeping my mouth shut Make this jungle safe for
everyone Yeah, Francisco is definitely 100 %
certain that we're gonna become great neighbors
again. It's gonna be a great time He's kind of
like, you know the planets you you said it the
planets like just beginning to like be developed
like they're just like who wants to like we're
We need Imperial guards. So we'll start gonna
recruit your people and he's just like This seems
interesting. I'll join You know exactly how this
is gonna work out in Francisco's like we're gonna
be friends. Yeah, I love that you So egalitarian
If they're egalitarian, they're fair, but yeah,
no, it's gonna be awesome like we'll be trading
partners I already see us flying away after the
mission is over and, like, distracting Francisco.
Like, look over there! And the bomb falls right
behind. There's just, like, fuel air bombs going
off behind us. Like, this is the worst part of
NOM yet. He's like, ooh, a flower! Why'd it get
so hot? 100 % Francisco is going to get up and
start dancing with the native people here and
just have a great time at the feast. He's just
like, wow, so many new friends that I get to
make. So he's just like... muddles along with
the drum beats or whatever's happening. One of
them, like, begins to, like, dance with you and
then pick up a cup of, like, a clear liquid and
hand it to you. Oh, whatever it is, I drink it.
It doesn't even matter. Oh, yeah. It is. It burns
on the way down. Oh, I cough, but I'm, like,
laughing about it. You are now intoxicated. Yeah.
You're getting drunk. I hope there wasn't any
important things I had to do today. I gesture
to chat in squigs like, guys, this stuff is terrible.
Come to it anyways. Thank you. I got my own private
reserve. And he pulls out a flask and takes a
swig of it. It tastes like the jet fuel you're
used to consuming. Gasoline and cherries. Only
the finest AMSEC. That's an AMSEC. Thank you.
You know, they take out. Pipes they offer you
pipes, you know, they very clearly look like
some sort of low stick Yeah Francisco says no
to nothing but this was like this is great This
is a a unique species in the middle of the jungle
this horrible treacherous jungle that we've been
trapped in for like Five six seven days or whatever
And they figured out how to survive, and we finally
get to eat food that isn't rations or, uh, chest
squigs goes. And this is pretty much the best
you could hope for. Oh, it's also very clear
that a lot of chest squigs go, like some of the
meat is that. Like, they also eat them. Oh, all
right. Good, good. And Chet'll kind of look at
squigs and be like, look, we need to keep an
eye on this kid. He's going to get us all killed.
Uh, yeah, I'm just like... I'm eating? Like I'm
not not not not eating great that there's food
here and everything I'm keeping it very much
in moderation keeping an eye on what's going
on All right You want to yeah, like like Chet
knows the stories he knows the rumors of people
getting smashed up and he's specifically Taking
as little as possible Yeah, I mean I'm more concerned
these locals want us to fight something I'm not
the best at fighting to begin with I don't know
how happy I'll be with the mother of all hangovers
or still high completely off my ass so I'm in
moderation like you know I'm kind of like probably
make like a little bit of small talk with chat
being friendly I'm not being like gregarious
No one has ever accused squigs of gregarity But
I'm being friendly enough especially because
he knows what's like we're gonna die or this
isn't gonna be a problem so Yeah, I would say,
you know Roll me survival persuasion Some like
convince me of a skill that you're using to like
survive the party like Deception you deception.
You want to make it look like you're eating more
than you are Persuasion you want it. You're like
you're being so friendly with everybody that
they don't notice that you're not partaking Survival
if you're just you're going nuts check. I mean
Francisco and we'll see how you're fair Yeah,
so we're all cunning I haven't rolled Cunning
yet. Oh, I got three successes in the first round.
We'll just do all D and 3s because just standard.
Good job. Okay. Oh my God, I failed again. Two
successes, five failures. Jesus Christ. Wow.
We're going to try Persuasion. I've got three
with my Fellowship of two. And I succeeded the
DN3 for persuasion. Okay, so... Did I? No, I
failed. I failed my persuasion test. You failed?
I'm a fucking idiot. Oh, two out of three. Um,
so... Funnily enough, Francisco having the time
of his life. I'll say, you're actually, you know,
you're from this world, like... It's, you know,
you're getting drunk, you're smoking whatever
they give you. but you're not gonna like you
you feel fine you feel happy you feel but you're
not getting you're not gonna get horribly sick
um this is like a regular harvest yeah this is
like it kind of reminds you of a harvest party
from from years ago back in your teenage years
um so you know how it goes um you're used to
the fauna and flora of this planet um even though
it's a little exotic it's not alien to you you
other two You know, you try to use your cunning
to, you know, throw a shot over your shoulder
where maybe you wouldn't, you know, you try to
chat. Francisco, you I'm sorry. Squigs, you try
to be very persuasive and you try to like talk
instead of eating. But like everyone's very excited
and they kind of overwhelm you and you kind of
eat and drink more than you intended. So it wasn't
quite a success. And the party reigns on. And
everyone give me an awareness test. Dn2. Dn2
awareness. Are there any penalties? I will say
there are no penalties. Four success, no it doesn't.
Four success is one failure. With a wrath critical.
Lots of criticals. Look at you guys getting lots
of criticals. Hooray! Yeah, I rolled my... That's
four successes, two failures. So that's a success
on my awareness. Nice. All right. Great. The
party's raging. You guys are being merry. You're
happy. You all see... What did we name this guard?
Thompson? Thompson? Thompson. Yeah, Thompson.
I thought it was Hobson. Thompson. It's Thompson
now. Generic guard of the of one of trillions.
You see him like. Give you guys the eyes and
the little like the little upward head nod is
like come over here. And he's like standing in
the corner eating and drinking, but he's by a
door. So I'm just going to. Put him right here.
Oh, yeah. Chet'll make his way over there. Yep.
Thompson, what the hell is going on here? Uh.
So. Yeah. Uh. This is. They didn't throw me a
party, but. Well, you know what the hell happens
to these types. Don't say it. Don't say it. All
right. Just just come with me. All right. Does
it look like anybody's minding us? I would like
you all to give me stealth as you try to sneak
out of the party. Well, fuck every single duck.
Oh, my good skill! Now watch me roll bad again.
I'm gonna take a glory for this. What's that,
Dian? Is it three? Dian is three for everybody.
Okay, let's see. Okay. Five successes, two failures.
I'm taking the glory. Four successes. Oh, wow.
Nice. Yep, I got a red purple. So I will say
this. You know, this seems important. I'm gonna
spend a wrath to reroll this one. Okay. You did
one better. I did one. You did do one better.
I will say this. Yeah, this is me not announcing
I have to take a shit. Yeah. So your your partners
did so well that I will give you one success
as you all attempt to sneak out and you are not
the quietest and like Chet like did a major success.
You know, he almost doubled the DC, the DN and
you like, you like almost bump into a party goer,
uh, but he like pulls you aside and Chet, you
swiftly take the drink and like do a shot and
like say, yay! And like, you know, they're all
happy and celebrating and he turns around and
then you all sneak out together. Perfect. All
right, Thompson, what the hell is going on? What's
going on here? Oh, it's been. It's been so weird.
I've been here for months, maybe, maybe longer.
I can't tell anymore. These creatures. These
filthy Xenos. They're insane. They're convinced
some invisible creature is hunting them. Well,
I mean, they might not be too far off the mark.
There was some weird visual stuff going on when
we first came into this part of the jungle. I
don't know if that's their mystery invisible
monster, but there certainly is something out
in the woods. You know the damn jungle rules.
Oh. You know how it works out here. I mean, Chet,
there's a reason why I'm still alive. I know
them very well. I'm not saying they're right,
but there's definitely something going on out
there that may be affecting them as well. I don't
particularly care. I mean, we both know what
happens when that barium rose in the town. Yeah,
Thompson, didn't you say a tree fell on you?
I mean, yeah, but... Trees fall all the time.
Oh No, I stepped on a tripwire in the jungle
and a big log swung down on a pendulum to hit
me that was clearly Man -made, but I don't think
it was made by these guys. Sounds like it was
made by the invisible monster. You did almost
get squished Almost got squished Well, there
was whatever that happened after you I don't
know if you You what have you seen Thompson like
what? Obviously, they're crazy. That's it. They
are insane. They They immune with the plants.
It's disgusting They can't all day They do this
rival I I have to subject myself to it just to
survive They speak in tongue. I dare not say
it, but I had to learn it. Teach them. They want
me to teach them the word of the emperor, the
word of us. Ugh. Well, you might want to keep
that to yourself when you're filling out your
debriefing, by the way. Oh, huh, Chet. Yeah,
you're right. Forget I did any of that, please,
please. Yeah, let's not go around making it known
that we spent months amongst the Xenos and taught
them our language and communed with them in their
foul languages. Let's keep that to ourselves.
Yes, thank God. You're right. The God Emperor
would be displeased, I shall. Pray to him and
make sure that he absolves me. It's a good way
to get a shot in the back of the head. Trying
to save you some trouble. No, you're right. Emperor,
be praised. Thank you for your clarity, Chen.
He's not wrong. Though, what can you tell us
anything else? You've been here long enough,
perhaps you can redeem some of your shame at
being captured. By telling us... Ah, you're right.
Come with me and look at this. And he takes you
into like... Like a lookout tower that's empty,
because everyone's partying. Alright. Sounds
good to me. And you go to the top of the trees
and like maybe like half an acre away it's just
clear and flat. Thank you for listening to Roll
for Heresy. If you liked what you just heard
and would like to stay up to date consider joining
us on Discord at the House of Heresy and Madness.