WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:01.050 Today on Blooming curious. 00:00:01.050 --> 00:00:03.270 We welcome not one, but two special guests. 00:00:03.270 --> 00:00:07.440 Ben Shoul and David Berlinski are the founders of Toolbox Education. 00:00:07.470 --> 00:00:11.790 Toolbox brings evidence-based programs to schools, equipping children and 00:00:11.790 --> 00:00:15.360 teens with practical tools they need to improve their mental health. 00:00:15.870 --> 00:00:19.530 Today we're gonna talk about how we can improve children's mental wellbeing, 00:00:19.860 --> 00:00:24.660 create optimal conditions for learning in the classroom and at home for students 00:00:24.660 --> 00:00:29.160 in the context of their mental health and how we can help our children and 00:00:29.160 --> 00:00:34.380 students manage anxious thoughts, prevent meltdowns, and deal with conflict. 00:00:34.380 --> 00:00:37.620 So welcome to Blooming Curious, Ben and David, it's great to have you here today. 00:00:38.430 --> 00:00:39.420 Thank you for having us. 00:00:39.420 --> 00:00:39.825 Thanks so much. 00:00:41.175 --> 00:00:45.945 So can you share the story behind Toolbox Education and what inspired 00:00:45.945 --> 00:00:51.225 you to focus on mental health and wellbeing for children and educators? 00:00:52.439 --> 00:00:56.860 So around about three and a half, four years ago, we were , in the, in the midst 00:00:56.860 --> 00:01:02.290 of lockdown here in Melbourne and, uh, the craziness of the COVID-19 pandemic. 00:01:02.800 --> 00:01:07.930 And we were just seeing across the country rising rates of, um, you know, 00:01:07.960 --> 00:01:09.820 poor mental health amongst young people. 00:01:09.820 --> 00:01:14.830 They were trapped in their bedrooms, sitting on social media or on 00:01:14.830 --> 00:01:16.600 their laptops in their bedrooms. 00:01:16.690 --> 00:01:20.500 And at that time, David, who's a clinical psychologist, had 00:01:20.785 --> 00:01:22.855 really long wait times to see him. 00:01:23.455 --> 00:01:29.075 And, uh, when we put our heads together and um, thought about this problem, it 00:01:29.075 --> 00:01:34.145 didn't really make sense to us that all these people, especially young people, 00:01:34.655 --> 00:01:38.975 had to wait to go see a psychologist to learn all these incredible tools to 00:01:38.975 --> 00:01:44.135 deal with anxiety or their emotions or anything to do with their mental health. 00:01:44.675 --> 00:01:47.585 It just didn't make sense to us that, that wait time was happening. 00:01:47.645 --> 00:01:52.055 We thought, what if we could take all those amazing tools that a young person 00:01:52.055 --> 00:01:56.745 would learn with a psychologist and teach them to the kids before they need it 00:01:57.165 --> 00:01:59.565 in ways that Gen Z can really relate to. 00:02:00.240 --> 00:02:03.540 We're gonna put the, the young people of Australia in a far better 00:02:03.660 --> 00:02:05.880 position, um, with their mental health. 00:02:06.450 --> 00:02:08.520 And so that's how it started. 00:02:08.520 --> 00:02:13.950 And, um, we, we realized that if we were gonna share these tools with young 00:02:13.950 --> 00:02:17.520 people, that they had to be really fun and relatable and done through 00:02:17.520 --> 00:02:19.620 workshops, not lectures or seminars. 00:02:19.620 --> 00:02:23.820 And, uh, we certainly in the early days were, um. 00:02:24.420 --> 00:02:25.380 How would you say it? 00:02:25.380 --> 00:02:25.740 Just 00:02:26.040 --> 00:02:28.140 probably to the very theory heavy. 00:02:28.280 --> 00:02:31.190 I came in with a, you know, very excited to share my psych knowledge, but we 00:02:31.190 --> 00:02:35.570 very quickly learned in the classroom, students, students value the learning, 00:02:35.570 --> 00:02:39.020 but it needs to be taught, um, in a fun and engaging, relatable way. 00:02:39.050 --> 00:02:40.850 And that that way they'll pay attention. 00:02:40.850 --> 00:02:43.520 That way they'll get involved and see the benefit and value of the 00:02:43.520 --> 00:02:45.365 tools, uh, that we're teaching them. 00:02:47.150 --> 00:02:49.960 Awesome, , what I've discovered in my years of teaching is they don't actually 00:02:49.960 --> 00:02:55.300 enjoy sitting still in a, in at a desk and listen to you lecturing them. 00:02:55.600 --> 00:02:58.450 They like to get involved and active in their learning. 00:02:58.780 --> 00:03:02.020 That's been my experience and one of the reasons why I changed the way 00:03:02.125 --> 00:03:05.600 I teach is because children enjoy being active in their learning and 00:03:05.600 --> 00:03:10.904 learning in hands on ways, , tell me what do you, did you find were the most 00:03:10.904 --> 00:03:16.784 common mental health challenges that affect students today in classrooms? 00:03:17.504 --> 00:03:18.045 Absolutely. 00:03:18.045 --> 00:03:20.234 So there are a few ones that come to mind for me. 00:03:20.355 --> 00:03:23.774 Number one, it's got to be anxiety and anxious thoughts. 00:03:23.984 --> 00:03:30.215 We are seeing such a rise in students and kids feeling anxious uh, in 00:03:30.215 --> 00:03:34.445 the classroom amongst their peers at home, how they're performing, 00:03:34.805 --> 00:03:36.095 what are people thinking of them? 00:03:36.095 --> 00:03:37.325 Are they good enough? 00:03:37.685 --> 00:03:41.045 Um, predicting the future, thinking that everything's gonna go terribly 00:03:41.045 --> 00:03:45.034 so they don't end up having a go or trying, that fear of failure. 00:03:45.034 --> 00:03:49.625 All of that kind of falls really neatly into that, that umbrella of anxiety. 00:03:50.945 --> 00:03:53.224 Where do you think that comes from, David? 00:03:53.344 --> 00:03:55.474 Where does this anxiety stem from? 00:03:56.374 --> 00:03:57.124 Great question. 00:03:57.124 --> 00:04:02.044 I mean, it comes from many places, but a way to think of it is that it is like 00:04:02.044 --> 00:04:06.755 developmentally appropriate in the sense, and if we think of anxiety as, um, another 00:04:06.755 --> 00:04:11.494 way to think of it is almost like the fancy word for it is projections, right? 00:04:11.494 --> 00:04:16.324 Like kind of projecting in my mind, the world, what are the people thinking of me? 00:04:16.444 --> 00:04:20.204 And if, if you're a kid developmentally, it's really important to fit in. 00:04:20.495 --> 00:04:23.344 That is how teenagers, especially as they're entering adolescents, 00:04:23.795 --> 00:04:24.995 how to make sense of the world. 00:04:25.205 --> 00:04:26.585 How are my friends viewing me? 00:04:26.615 --> 00:04:28.625 How do I fit in in, in my school? 00:04:29.104 --> 00:04:30.365 All of those things. 00:04:31.745 --> 00:04:34.354 And it's just kind of taking that and really magnifying it. 00:04:34.354 --> 00:04:39.245 You've got social media obviously being a huge amplifier of this, but that you're 00:04:39.245 --> 00:04:40.594 really seeing that in the classroom. 00:04:40.594 --> 00:04:43.565 Just that anxiety, how people perceive me, what are people thinking of me? 00:04:43.565 --> 00:04:46.355 And that just plays on and on in our minds. 00:04:46.865 --> 00:04:47.495 Um. 00:04:47.870 --> 00:04:50.599 Anxiety about things that have happened in the past and also 00:04:50.960 --> 00:04:52.490 almost predictive anxiety too. 00:04:52.580 --> 00:04:53.420 Will I stuff up? 00:04:53.420 --> 00:04:54.590 How will I go in this test? 00:04:54.980 --> 00:04:56.810 Should I apply for that job? 00:04:56.810 --> 00:04:57.800 Whatever it might be. 00:04:58.719 --> 00:04:59.859 And that's just running round further. 00:05:01.299 --> 00:05:05.279 And that's quite interesting 'cause last week I took a group of children 00:05:05.309 --> 00:05:09.179 outside 'cause I'm a very big proponent of getting outside for learning 00:05:09.179 --> 00:05:10.979 outdoors and I took them outdoors. 00:05:11.709 --> 00:05:15.489 And they were doing sort of nature art transient art just with found objects. 00:05:15.489 --> 00:05:16.929 And I actually interviewed them. 00:05:16.929 --> 00:05:22.329 I asked them how they felt, and these were kids in year three. 00:05:23.079 --> 00:05:28.479 And the comments I got were, we feel so much happier outside. 00:05:29.289 --> 00:05:31.354 And one of the children said. 00:05:32.274 --> 00:05:33.924 I feel more relaxed. 00:05:34.104 --> 00:05:35.514 I said, well, why? 00:05:35.574 --> 00:05:37.164 Why do you feel more relaxed? 00:05:37.464 --> 00:05:37.884 And she said, no. 00:05:37.884 --> 00:05:40.584 In the classroom you are always worried. 00:05:40.584 --> 00:05:44.244 You are always worried about your work and you're always worried about your grades. 00:05:44.244 --> 00:05:47.454 And you're always worried about, you know, if you're doing the right thing. 00:05:48.024 --> 00:05:50.814 And that was actually quite profound 'cause I thought, these 00:05:50.814 --> 00:05:53.154 are year threes and they are already 00:05:53.899 --> 00:05:56.929 having anxious thoughts about performance. 00:05:57.619 --> 00:06:01.489 And that to me was quite concerning that a year three student should be 00:06:01.489 --> 00:06:03.890 worrying about grades and performance. 00:06:03.979 --> 00:06:08.049 Uh, you know, when they really should just be focusing on just 00:06:08.049 --> 00:06:09.819 learning, but having fun with it. 00:06:09.969 --> 00:06:12.429 They shouldn't be having to worry in year three. 00:06:13.039 --> 00:06:13.489 Absolutely. 00:06:13.489 --> 00:06:16.999 Edwina, just just add to that, I mean, you kind of described it so nicely 00:06:16.999 --> 00:06:19.639 here, like I think when kids are active in their learning or being present and 00:06:19.639 --> 00:06:21.199 just like you said, being in nature. 00:06:22.294 --> 00:06:24.094 They're just embodied right in their body. 00:06:24.094 --> 00:06:25.354 They're doing things, they're active. 00:06:25.354 --> 00:06:28.804 They don't have time to ruminate and worry about things. 00:06:28.804 --> 00:06:30.034 They're just doing it and they're learning. 00:06:30.034 --> 00:06:31.294 They're making mistakes as they go. 00:06:31.294 --> 00:06:32.704 But that's kind of part of the process. 00:06:32.734 --> 00:06:36.964 I think it's often when all of us, but probably especially kids, when we're 00:06:36.994 --> 00:06:40.684 sitting still, when we're not, when we're, yeah, not actually just having a 00:06:40.684 --> 00:06:45.434 go and trying, that's when the anxiety starts , to really grow and fester 00:06:45.454 --> 00:06:47.884 as opposed to like, just, just do it. 00:06:47.884 --> 00:06:48.364 Have a go. 00:06:48.684 --> 00:06:50.514 Learn, make a mistake. 00:06:51.474 --> 00:06:55.224 And I'm sure we will talk about strategies in a little while, but I 00:06:55.224 --> 00:06:58.584 do also know that this is one of the things that many children, especially 00:06:58.584 --> 00:07:03.684 high flyers, like the kids that are really, really want to do well, they 00:07:03.774 --> 00:07:05.994 are so terrified of making mistakes. 00:07:05.994 --> 00:07:10.134 And very often as teachers, we have to put processes in place where 00:07:11.134 --> 00:07:12.664 we're telling them that mistakes are good. 00:07:12.664 --> 00:07:16.384 You know, the people who've, you know, invented things, scientists, 00:07:16.384 --> 00:07:17.644 they didn't do it first time. 00:07:17.644 --> 00:07:21.514 You have to make mistakes and then go into the whole thing about your brain grows. 00:07:21.514 --> 00:07:23.734 Every time you make a mistake, you're learning from it. 00:07:24.184 --> 00:07:25.804 And that actually makes you smarter. 00:07:25.804 --> 00:07:28.234 So ask questions and make mistakes. 00:07:28.234 --> 00:07:31.084 You have to sort of make it as if it's a good thing. 00:07:31.084 --> 00:07:35.884 Celebrate mistakes, because a lot of them are too scared to even have a go. 00:07:36.814 --> 00:07:40.714 And that's another thing I think as a teacher you really have to focus 00:07:40.714 --> 00:07:44.344 very much on getting that mindset right for kids that, not yet, I 00:07:44.344 --> 00:07:47.494 dunno it yet, but I will get there. 00:07:48.164 --> 00:07:51.524 So they're stunted in their growth because they're afraid. 00:07:51.524 --> 00:07:51.914 Right. 00:07:52.274 --> 00:07:56.324 And goodness knows where that comes from, um, but wonderful 00:07:56.324 --> 00:08:00.239 that you guys are actually doing something to help those kids. 00:08:01.019 --> 00:08:03.119 I'm wondering about communication. 00:08:04.169 --> 00:08:12.659 What role does that play in in helping children to also diffuse conflicts? 00:08:12.659 --> 00:08:16.379 Because yes, they're anxious, but another thing that makes them 00:08:16.379 --> 00:08:19.839 very anxious are relationships. 00:08:19.839 --> 00:08:22.964 And that's another thing that I, I've seen very often. 00:08:23.024 --> 00:08:26.204 In fact, I said to the kids, I know why you wanna come to school? 00:08:26.204 --> 00:08:27.044 And they went, why? 00:08:27.044 --> 00:08:30.074 And I said, it's not because of learning, is it? 00:08:30.134 --> 00:08:31.274 They all smiled. 00:08:31.394 --> 00:08:34.034 Oh my gosh, you'd think I was like some kind of prophet. 00:08:35.414 --> 00:08:38.894 And I said, I bet you the reason you come to school is for, 00:08:38.924 --> 00:08:41.024 and they all said it, friends. 00:08:41.654 --> 00:08:42.854 They're only there for friends. 00:08:42.854 --> 00:08:44.804 They're not actually at school to learn. 00:08:44.924 --> 00:08:48.494 Children come to school to socialize, and that is the bottom line. 00:08:49.424 --> 00:08:56.324 And so friendships play a really big role, and in that is conflict because 00:08:56.324 --> 00:08:57.609 they struggle with making friends. 00:08:58.939 --> 00:09:03.319 How can teachers and, and I guess even parents, because you have sibling rivalry 00:09:03.319 --> 00:09:07.039 and you have conflicts in your own home and issues, when the kids come home, 00:09:07.039 --> 00:09:10.069 could they come and tell you about the, you know, the person on the playground 00:09:10.069 --> 00:09:11.359 who doesn't wanna play with them? 00:09:12.399 --> 00:09:15.279 What role does communication with your children play in 00:09:15.279 --> 00:09:17.109 that, and how can we help them? 00:09:18.414 --> 00:09:19.614 A huge amount. 00:09:19.839 --> 00:09:21.984 It, it, it, it plays a massive role. 00:09:22.404 --> 00:09:25.644 And I think the first part of your question actually links back to 00:09:25.644 --> 00:09:30.834 what we were just talking about in terms of failure and, um, you know, 00:09:30.834 --> 00:09:33.204 being terrified of making mistakes. 00:09:33.864 --> 00:09:39.324 Like you said, often school refusal and not wanting to show up to 00:09:39.324 --> 00:09:42.684 school is linked to that, those friendship dramas and those conflicts. 00:09:42.834 --> 00:09:42.924 Mm-hmm. 00:09:43.644 --> 00:09:47.994 What we're seeing more and more in the classrooms and what students tell 00:09:47.994 --> 00:09:54.894 us and teachers tell us, is that that emotional muscle, that that should be 00:09:54.894 --> 00:10:00.354 developed in teenage years or pre-teen years around conflict and relationships 00:10:00.354 --> 00:10:03.864 and communication just isn't being developed in the same way anymore 00:10:04.464 --> 00:10:08.694 because students aren't communicating with their peers and their friends like 00:10:08.694 --> 00:10:11.394 they would've 10, 20, 50 years ago. 00:10:12.849 --> 00:10:17.649 You'll hardly see a, a young person pick up the phone and call someone anymore. 00:10:17.829 --> 00:10:21.519 In fact, we often, it comes up in our workshops where students 00:10:21.519 --> 00:10:25.509 cringe at the idea of having to call someone and rehearse the lines 00:10:25.509 --> 00:10:26.949 in their head before doing so. 00:10:27.189 --> 00:10:30.369 Or even having a chat with someone on the phone like would be normal 00:10:30.369 --> 00:10:32.229 for, you know, older age groups. 00:10:32.799 --> 00:10:37.809 So that communication skill or that muscle of even having a face-to-face conversation 00:10:37.809 --> 00:10:41.439 with someone is now replaced by typing. 00:10:41.814 --> 00:10:47.094 Or sending emojis or whatever it is online, so they're not training that. 00:10:47.094 --> 00:10:52.374 And therefore, when conflict does arise in a face-to-face setting, they're far 00:10:52.374 --> 00:10:56.694 less equipped with the tools to be able to say what they feel, what they think, 00:10:56.694 --> 00:11:00.894 and how they believe the conflict should be resolved and what it meant to them. 00:11:01.994 --> 00:11:05.824 And Edwina I'll just add, add to the, nerd out and the psych stuff and, 00:11:05.824 --> 00:11:07.384 and the developmental stuff again. 00:11:07.909 --> 00:11:10.699 If we think about it again, developmentally, kids all, it's all 00:11:10.699 --> 00:11:12.499 about just fitting in and survival. 00:11:12.499 --> 00:11:15.169 And the biggest thing again, you see that friendships are the 00:11:15.169 --> 00:11:18.319 most important relationship in kids' lives at that stage, right? 00:11:18.319 --> 00:11:21.499 When we get a bit older, it becomes your partner or your parent, your family. 00:11:21.889 --> 00:11:23.959 But when you're at that stage, no one else matters. 00:11:23.989 --> 00:11:25.339 It's just friendships. 00:11:25.789 --> 00:11:29.059 So that like there's a real crisis there. 00:11:29.059 --> 00:11:32.199 Attention of, oh my goodness, the people who mean the most to me 00:11:32.229 --> 00:11:34.119 and the I really need to fit in. 00:11:34.119 --> 00:11:35.049 But there's conflict. 00:11:36.144 --> 00:11:38.064 I have feelings towards 'em that are really uncomfortable. 00:11:38.064 --> 00:11:42.024 Maybe I'm feeling hurt or angry with them, and it's really hard 00:11:42.024 --> 00:11:43.644 for kids to kind of reconcile this. 00:11:43.884 --> 00:11:46.194 I mean, very hard for adults as well. 00:11:46.494 --> 00:11:48.174 So what do kids do? 00:11:48.174 --> 00:11:49.794 I mean, kids go down a few pathways. 00:11:49.794 --> 00:11:51.954 One, they ignore it. 00:11:52.044 --> 00:11:54.324 It's just very easy to avoid the conflict 00:11:54.324 --> 00:11:56.904 I problem, they go, well, no, I'm not, I, I can't be angry at them. 00:11:56.904 --> 00:11:57.504 They're my friend. 00:11:57.564 --> 00:12:00.294 Even maybe they were hurt or they were excluded, so. 00:12:01.134 --> 00:12:01.974 That's option one. 00:12:01.974 --> 00:12:04.584 Just pretend like there's no conflict and then we don't have 00:12:04.584 --> 00:12:06.564 to feel anxious about about this. 00:12:07.344 --> 00:12:10.854 Option number two, which some people do is, sorry, and option number one, we call 00:12:10.854 --> 00:12:12.534 that being passive in our relationships. 00:12:12.534 --> 00:12:16.974 Passive communication, just not addressing your needs, ignoring them. 00:12:17.694 --> 00:12:21.864 Option number two is on the flip side, which we call being aggressive, where 00:12:22.194 --> 00:12:24.084 we just steamroll the other person. 00:12:24.084 --> 00:12:25.554 We go, how dare you hurt me? 00:12:25.554 --> 00:12:26.244 What's wrong with you? 00:12:26.244 --> 00:12:27.264 I can't believe you did this. 00:12:27.264 --> 00:12:28.044 Why did you do this to me? 00:12:29.349 --> 00:12:31.509 And naturally you can see there's gonna be issues , in your friendships, 00:12:31.519 --> 00:12:33.709 down the line that you're only considering your wants and needs. 00:12:33.709 --> 00:12:35.449 You're not really thinking about your friends. 00:12:36.109 --> 00:12:40.339 And what we try and teach in our workshops and also I, I do the therapy room. 00:12:40.369 --> 00:12:43.279 How do we find that sweet spot of, of assertive communication? 00:12:43.279 --> 00:12:47.689 How do we go, no, my feelings and needs matter, but so do my friends 00:12:47.839 --> 00:12:50.149 and they're on the equal level playing field, and how do we address 00:12:50.149 --> 00:12:51.859 it and communicate in a way where. 00:12:52.944 --> 00:12:54.744 It's on me to communicate it 'cause my feelings are hurt. 00:12:54.774 --> 00:12:57.384 How do I do it in a way that's not gonna shut down my friend? 00:12:57.444 --> 00:12:59.634 That my friend can actually be on board with this. 00:13:00.114 --> 00:13:02.304 They can hopefully hear me or respond to me. 00:13:02.844 --> 00:13:06.204 And then once we're feeling heard and, and seen anxiety drops, 00:13:06.204 --> 00:13:09.474 we feel a bit more calmer that those emotions pass through us. 00:13:10.134 --> 00:13:12.354 Um, and hopefully the conflicts resolve then. 00:13:13.194 --> 00:13:16.614 And we say in our workshops too, like you, you need conflict in relationships. 00:13:16.614 --> 00:13:17.454 It's important. 00:13:17.574 --> 00:13:21.324 Like it, it's a healthy, important part of a relationship because it's inevitable. 00:13:21.354 --> 00:13:25.434 You're two people, two friends, whatever it is, who, who get along most of the 00:13:25.434 --> 00:13:27.654 time, but inevitably will, will clash. 00:13:28.164 --> 00:13:29.844 And really it's not about having no conflict. 00:13:29.844 --> 00:13:33.174 It's how do we actually resolve this, um, in a way that we're 00:13:33.174 --> 00:13:35.304 feeling, um, heard and understood. 00:13:35.964 --> 00:13:38.964 Um, that's gonna really set all of us up for success. 00:13:40.719 --> 00:13:44.049 I think it's a, as a early childhood and elementary teacher, the things 00:13:44.049 --> 00:13:49.539 that I see most, often children being passive, it's the opposite. 00:13:50.709 --> 00:13:54.369 It's very much children, expressing how they feel. 00:13:54.369 --> 00:13:55.059 Actually. 00:13:55.449 --> 00:13:56.889 They tell them exactly. 00:13:57.939 --> 00:14:02.589 How they feel and yeah, sometimes it's not very kind. 00:14:02.679 --> 00:14:06.699 But I think at the other end, and I sometimes think, my goodness, I 00:14:06.699 --> 00:14:10.509 would never, when I was that age, I would be the passive person. 00:14:10.569 --> 00:14:13.329 I would've just kept quiet, walked away. 00:14:13.989 --> 00:14:20.469 But these kids today, I'm finding a lot of them are very vocal, but 00:14:20.469 --> 00:14:21.969 they just say the wrong thing. 00:14:22.059 --> 00:14:25.149 It's very almost, it's about me. 00:14:25.674 --> 00:14:27.294 And there's a lot of blame always. 00:14:27.294 --> 00:14:31.284 I find this very, like, you did this, you did that, your fault language. 00:14:31.374 --> 00:14:35.964 And so what I have found in especially the last two years where I've been teaching 00:14:36.174 --> 00:14:42.864 specifically health, is that as teachers, we have to give them the language to use. 00:14:42.864 --> 00:14:45.324 And I don't know if you found that or is that what you do in your 00:14:45.324 --> 00:14:50.649 workshop, but I found that they need the language we have to be modeling. 00:14:50.649 --> 00:14:55.389 These are the words you use and actually get them to practice that 00:14:55.389 --> 00:14:59.559 communication, that process, is that something that you guys have felt 00:14:59.559 --> 00:15:01.689 or found, or is that what you do? 00:15:01.689 --> 00:15:03.819 Or, or, or have we been doing it all wrong? 00:15:03.819 --> 00:15:04.239 Some of us? 00:15:04.989 --> 00:15:05.139 No. 00:15:05.139 --> 00:15:05.679 Definitely. 00:15:05.679 --> 00:15:07.809 That's a huge part of our, our workshops. 00:15:07.839 --> 00:15:11.419 I mean, especially even as soon as, as soon as someone hears the phrase 00:15:11.424 --> 00:15:13.669 you, I'm, I'm already on the defense. 00:15:16.699 --> 00:15:17.659 I'm already Exactly. 00:15:17.779 --> 00:15:18.079 Yeah. 00:15:18.169 --> 00:15:18.949 It feels directive. 00:15:18.949 --> 00:15:23.089 It feels like it's an attack on my character and who I am and, and 00:15:23.089 --> 00:15:27.739 what we try and separate is there's a big difference between my friend 00:15:27.979 --> 00:15:29.689 and my friend's behavior, right? 00:15:29.689 --> 00:15:33.289 If I can focus on what my friend has done to me, they're gonna be a bit more online, 00:15:33.289 --> 00:15:34.369 they're gonna be a bit more receptive. 00:15:34.369 --> 00:15:36.379 We're gonna be able to figure and navigate this conflict. 00:15:37.129 --> 00:15:40.729 If I start saying you first it game over, it's too late. 00:15:41.119 --> 00:15:43.879 So we really encourage, um, students to share, to use that. 00:15:43.909 --> 00:15:46.399 It's, it's really foundational, but that I feel language. 00:15:46.399 --> 00:15:48.109 Because that's how we're feeling. 00:15:48.109 --> 00:15:50.509 And then it's really specific when we did this. 00:15:50.514 --> 00:15:50.654 Mm-hmm. 00:15:50.654 --> 00:15:55.679 And asking for, and, and the third part is ties into, what's 00:15:55.679 --> 00:15:57.029 the, what's that famous book? 00:15:57.329 --> 00:16:00.749 Assertive Communication or how to communicate Effectively or Effective 00:16:00.749 --> 00:16:02.219 communication, whatever his name is. 00:16:02.669 --> 00:16:04.829 Um, and then also asking for repair. 00:16:04.829 --> 00:16:07.229 So next time, and, and that's the whole point of it. 00:16:08.369 --> 00:16:11.009 And this is the missing piece, like, like you're saying, kids are very 00:16:11.009 --> 00:16:14.159 good now at saying you did this and then just leaving it at that. 00:16:14.669 --> 00:16:17.129 The whole point of why we communicate in our relationships 00:16:17.189 --> 00:16:18.869 is to make it better next time. 00:16:19.319 --> 00:16:21.719 If we're just say, you did this, you did this, and then leaving 00:16:21.719 --> 00:16:25.709 it, we just get points and feeling upset when someone's hurt us. 00:16:26.399 --> 00:16:28.499 You've got to have that second part, which is. 00:16:29.204 --> 00:16:32.384 Okay, this is how I'm feeling when you did this, but I'm wondering next 00:16:32.384 --> 00:16:33.974 time, can we please work on this? 00:16:34.184 --> 00:16:38.474 And kids are really good at understanding how it's gonna affect them. 00:16:38.474 --> 00:16:40.964 But you know, in earlier years, less. 00:16:41.279 --> 00:16:45.289 Less, um, proficient with empathy skills and understanding 00:16:45.289 --> 00:16:46.309 how the other person feels. 00:16:46.309 --> 00:16:50.239 So, framing it in a way that, you know, we'll often start with, you 00:16:50.239 --> 00:16:53.929 know, who here wants to improve their relationships for themselves? 00:16:54.289 --> 00:16:59.029 That's when they start to buy in and go, ah, if I use this tool in this way where 00:16:59.029 --> 00:17:03.799 if I use these words, my relationship's going to be better, not necessarily 00:17:03.799 --> 00:17:07.279 because I'm altruistically wanting the other person to feel better about 00:17:07.279 --> 00:17:09.769 it, but I can benefit from this too. 00:17:09.844 --> 00:17:14.254 And, and I think a big piece of it too is we need to be able 00:17:14.254 --> 00:17:16.534 to communicate effectively and assertively, but underneath that we 00:17:16.534 --> 00:17:18.304 have to be regulated emotionally. 00:17:18.394 --> 00:17:23.194 Like so many of us, you know, when we're upset we, we get a zero to 100. 00:17:23.194 --> 00:17:24.634 I mean, we use the metaphor of a Coke bottle. 00:17:24.634 --> 00:17:25.744 Our Coke bottle's exploded. 00:17:26.554 --> 00:17:29.524 And we're not actually, our thinking brain isn't online for us 00:17:29.524 --> 00:17:31.024 to actually use the right words. 00:17:31.054 --> 00:17:33.574 'cause we're upset, we're feeling hurt, we're feeling attacked. 00:17:34.264 --> 00:17:34.534 So 00:17:35.149 --> 00:17:38.959 we're also in teaching healthy emotional regulations that we can stay cool, calm, 00:17:38.959 --> 00:17:44.749 collected, and find the right words, um, as well to, to to navigate a conflict. 00:17:44.809 --> 00:17:47.779 Which is also where educators play a massive role. 00:17:47.929 --> 00:17:53.419 Um, you know, through your podcast and your audience, the teachers have such 00:17:53.419 --> 00:17:54.769 an important role to play in this. 00:17:55.894 --> 00:18:00.634 That emotion regulation is that first step kids come back from the playground from 00:18:00.634 --> 00:18:05.014 lunchtime, you know, heavily dysregulated from a huge argument or a disagreement 00:18:05.014 --> 00:18:08.914 or first lesson of the day, bringing whatever's happened at home into the 00:18:08.914 --> 00:18:13.784 classroom rather than leaving this to the wellbeing staff or the school psychologist 00:18:13.784 --> 00:18:17.714 or the counselors, every teacher or educator can play a role in that, in being 00:18:17.714 --> 00:18:23.254 able to help them regulate those emotions to enter into conflict in a healthier way. 00:18:24.004 --> 00:18:28.024 And the reason why, as I'm thinking, the reason why is in our workshop we 00:18:28.024 --> 00:18:31.684 go and we ask the students, take a step forward if you've ever said something 00:18:31.684 --> 00:18:35.399 to a friend in the heat of the moment that you later regret and they all 00:18:35.399 --> 00:18:37.079 step forward and we've all done that. 00:18:37.169 --> 00:18:40.949 And then not only have they but their friend once they're, you know, 00:18:40.949 --> 00:18:43.289 they're a bit more regulated, but then they also took quite guilty 00:18:43.349 --> 00:18:45.449 and sad and bad and self-critical. 00:18:45.659 --> 00:18:46.139 So. 00:18:46.949 --> 00:18:47.549 This is what we do. 00:18:47.549 --> 00:18:51.809 If we can be proactive and prevent those outbursts and an ability and 00:18:51.809 --> 00:18:55.259 encourage students to communicate in that healthy, effective way, there'll still 00:18:55.259 --> 00:18:59.339 be conflict, but we can view conflict as actually what they are, which is 00:18:59.339 --> 00:19:01.199 opportunities to get closer and connect. 00:19:01.319 --> 00:19:04.349 Like flipping it, viewing another way. 00:19:04.469 --> 00:19:05.939 Thank you for having conflict. 00:19:05.969 --> 00:19:06.479 Wow. 00:19:06.479 --> 00:19:08.309 Thank goodness that you're actually communicating, that 00:19:08.309 --> 00:19:10.529 you're upset with something that I'm doing that I didn't know. 00:19:10.949 --> 00:19:14.459 Like what a privilege that you're actually able to express this 00:19:14.549 --> 00:19:15.989 and I can hopefully receive this. 00:19:16.379 --> 00:19:18.149 And then we can actually use this conflict as a way to get 00:19:18.149 --> 00:19:20.309 closer in our relationships. 00:19:22.139 --> 00:19:22.289 Yeah. 00:19:22.289 --> 00:19:25.799 I really appreciate you guys saying that actually, because one of the 00:19:25.799 --> 00:19:28.859 tools that I've used always is teaching, giving kids those words. 00:19:28.859 --> 00:19:32.579 I feel, instead of saying, you, you, you, you, you is, I feel when 00:19:32.579 --> 00:19:35.699 you da da, da, I would like you to. 00:19:35.699 --> 00:19:37.949 So I guess that comes in with the next time. 00:19:37.949 --> 00:19:40.319 So in future I'll use the next time. 00:19:40.319 --> 00:19:46.034 I think, and I'd really appreciate also you talking now about dysregulation. 00:19:46.479 --> 00:19:49.664 'cause I think we see a lot and also deal a lot with children that are 00:19:50.474 --> 00:19:52.064 dysregulated for variety of reasons. 00:19:52.814 --> 00:19:56.594 So can you please help us teachers and parents out there? 00:19:56.834 --> 00:20:00.344 What can you tell us about dysregulation? 00:20:00.344 --> 00:20:06.884 Because I also think that when kids come in dysregulated, we as parents often 00:20:06.944 --> 00:20:10.124 and educators don't even have the tools 00:20:10.854 --> 00:20:17.334 to deal with our own dysregulation, so we could often be triggered by 00:20:17.334 --> 00:20:20.784 something that happens or that a child does, because we've never 00:20:20.784 --> 00:20:26.484 learned to regulate our own emotions, especially of sort of my generation. 00:20:26.484 --> 00:20:30.594 I think we weren't taught how to talk about our feelings 00:20:30.594 --> 00:20:31.944 and regulate our feelings. 00:20:31.944 --> 00:20:32.304 Right. 00:20:32.334 --> 00:20:33.654 It was really 00:20:34.644 --> 00:20:36.204 children should be seen and not heard. 00:20:36.924 --> 00:20:39.654 That's my generation or my experience anyway. 00:20:40.644 --> 00:20:46.834 So I think that a lot of adults struggle with dysregulation too, and when you're 00:20:46.834 --> 00:20:52.114 an educator, you're dealing with a whole variety of children that come from all 00:20:52.114 --> 00:20:56.314 sorts of backgrounds with, they come to school with all sorts of issues, 00:20:56.764 --> 00:21:00.724 and those issues play out every single day in classrooms and on playgrounds, 00:21:01.414 --> 00:21:06.124 and when they come in dysregulated, very often we spend probably a half a 00:21:06.124 --> 00:21:11.074 lesson just trying to get everybody on board so that we can now start teaching. 00:21:12.029 --> 00:21:13.049 So please help. 00:21:13.049 --> 00:21:16.049 How do we deal with dysregulation? 00:21:16.849 --> 00:21:20.689 I mean, it's, it's a massive, it's a massive topic and a massive question. 00:21:20.749 --> 00:21:21.349 It, it's huge. 00:21:21.349 --> 00:21:25.819 It's everywhere like you said, it affects relationships, but also it, a big part 00:21:25.819 --> 00:21:28.099 of it is it affects us from learning. 00:21:28.879 --> 00:21:30.349 Um, and you're spot on. 00:21:30.349 --> 00:21:34.159 The, the best thing we can do as educators and parents is to really 00:21:34.159 --> 00:21:36.649 work on regulating ourselves because. 00:21:37.824 --> 00:21:38.874 Children are sponges. 00:21:38.874 --> 00:21:44.094 They absorb everything we do, not just our, I don't know, our preferences for 00:21:44.094 --> 00:21:47.604 food and the fashion we wear and the TV shows we like and our personality, but 00:21:47.604 --> 00:21:50.604 also how we regulate, um, our feelings. 00:21:50.604 --> 00:21:54.594 So first and foremost, it's that modeling and, and just some really 00:21:54.594 --> 00:21:57.654 important foundational tools that I'm using for myself, but 00:21:57.654 --> 00:21:59.659 also in, in, with my clients, is 00:22:01.299 --> 00:22:04.089 there's a few parts of it is one is just cognitively labeling. 00:22:04.329 --> 00:22:06.939 Like what are, what am I actually feeling right now? 00:22:07.119 --> 00:22:10.839 Like being able to intellectualize and rationalize about the emotional 00:22:10.839 --> 00:22:14.589 experience that's showing up right now is a form of regulation. 00:22:15.279 --> 00:22:19.059 Just being able to clock, clock that, that emotion and go, oh, I'm actually 00:22:19.059 --> 00:22:24.429 quite angry, or I'm quite tired, or upset or sad, or guilty is enough to 00:22:25.479 --> 00:22:26.739 be in touch with our emotions. 00:22:26.739 --> 00:22:30.339 It goes from reacting impulsively from that place of anger, let's 00:22:30.339 --> 00:22:33.019 say, to responding, carefully. 00:22:33.289 --> 00:22:34.159 That's number one. 00:22:34.159 --> 00:22:36.079 And, and we use this with all ages. 00:22:36.139 --> 00:22:39.109 It's so foundational, cognitively labeling. 00:22:39.439 --> 00:22:42.439 I think as a big second part of it, and we see this in primary 00:22:42.439 --> 00:22:45.319 school kids all the time, is what is the, what does it actually 00:22:45.319 --> 00:22:46.999 feel like physically in your body? 00:22:47.059 --> 00:22:50.989 Like what is the physical experience of anger right now? 00:22:50.989 --> 00:22:53.029 What in your body is telling you? 00:22:53.734 --> 00:22:55.624 You are angry and it's universal. 00:22:55.684 --> 00:22:56.914 That's what's so beautiful about it. 00:22:57.154 --> 00:22:57.394 Anger. 00:22:58.114 --> 00:22:59.764 Everyone says the color red, right? 00:22:59.764 --> 00:23:03.394 Everyone feels like fire or lava or heat rising. 00:23:03.904 --> 00:23:07.624 Everyone describes as tension across the shoulders, across the chest. 00:23:07.624 --> 00:23:07.714 Mm-hmm. 00:23:08.314 --> 00:23:11.524 So again, the more we're in touch with this, we're gonna have less, 00:23:11.584 --> 00:23:12.754 uh, meltdowns or explosions. 00:23:13.084 --> 00:23:16.564 We're gonna act less impulsively, we're gonna act less aggressively. 00:23:17.149 --> 00:23:17.959 Just on that. 00:23:17.959 --> 00:23:18.109 Yeah. 00:23:18.139 --> 00:23:22.909 As kids get older, they start to push that feeling down as well and start to, 00:23:23.059 --> 00:23:27.649 you know, not want to feel it because it, it feels uncomfortable and so much 00:23:27.649 --> 00:23:31.879 of the work in the early years is around getting them to actually notice it, 00:23:31.879 --> 00:23:33.949 identify it, label it, and feel it. 00:23:34.099 --> 00:23:38.059 And so be comfortable with the feeling that it is a bit uncomfortable. 00:23:38.299 --> 00:23:42.379 So coming back to your idea before about failure or things that don't feel great, 00:23:42.379 --> 00:23:44.749 like it's okay that that feeling is there. 00:23:44.749 --> 00:23:48.289 It might not feel good for you, but let's at least feel it first 00:23:48.289 --> 00:23:49.819 before we do something with it. 00:23:49.819 --> 00:23:52.219 So I wanna just recap that for people listening 'cause I 00:23:52.219 --> 00:23:53.569 think it's really important. 00:23:53.904 --> 00:23:59.779 So first we have to get kids to recognize the emotion. 00:23:59.779 --> 00:24:01.849 So it's almost that metacognition, right? 00:24:01.969 --> 00:24:03.619 To be able to recognize. 00:24:04.399 --> 00:24:08.899 This is, I'm feeling angry or I'm feeling, you know, frustrated 00:24:09.349 --> 00:24:11.389 or sad, whatever it might be. 00:24:12.139 --> 00:24:15.919 And the second is, is what does that feel like in your body to actually own 00:24:15.919 --> 00:24:20.029 that feeling in your body and recognize the feeling that, you know, you've got 00:24:20.029 --> 00:24:24.109 tightness in your throat or tightness across your chest or your heart's racing. 00:24:24.169 --> 00:24:30.169 Okay, so we now, we've recognized it and that is the first part of, regulation. 00:24:30.919 --> 00:24:31.429 Now what? 00:24:32.449 --> 00:24:36.049 Well, I'll just, uh, add to that, that first tool, let's say just labeling. 00:24:36.079 --> 00:24:39.349 I mean, there, there's so many layers to this as well, because I mean, you made 00:24:39.349 --> 00:24:43.159 the point, your generation, it's often children are, are seen and not heard. 00:24:44.449 --> 00:24:46.939 It's really hard, like I don't wanna, uh, underestimate this. 00:24:46.939 --> 00:24:48.169 No, it sounds easy in theory. 00:24:48.169 --> 00:24:53.389 It's really hard in practice because so often we have been taught not to actually 00:24:53.839 --> 00:24:55.909 allow that emotion of anger or sadness. 00:24:55.909 --> 00:24:56.149 Right? 00:24:56.149 --> 00:24:57.169 Those uncomfortable ones. 00:24:57.559 --> 00:25:01.069 So when you're asking students and you're asking clients, what's the emotion you 00:25:01.069 --> 00:25:06.739 are feeling towards, you know, Ben, for hurting you in the playground, they might 00:25:06.739 --> 00:25:12.169 go, well, you know, Ben was maybe having a bad day and he probably didn't sleep well. 00:25:12.169 --> 00:25:15.259 And so maybe it was hot, and then suddenly, like 00:25:15.379 --> 00:25:16.789 automatically we're rationalizing. 00:25:17.149 --> 00:25:19.249 And that's a thought, not a feeling. 00:25:19.254 --> 00:25:19.484 Mm-hmm. 00:25:19.564 --> 00:25:21.079 So you gotta go like, well, okay. 00:25:22.159 --> 00:25:25.009 That might be the case that Ben is upset and didn't eat very well, but 00:25:25.009 --> 00:25:26.989 what are you feeling here towards Ben? 00:25:26.989 --> 00:25:28.669 And suddenly they're like, oh, whoa, okay. 00:25:28.669 --> 00:25:29.539 I didn't realize that. 00:25:29.539 --> 00:25:31.609 I didn't, what I just said wasn't a feeling. 00:25:32.479 --> 00:25:35.389 And then you've gotta, and that's where the work is, is really helpful 00:25:35.389 --> 00:25:39.889 in the room, but also where the work can be done with educators and parents. 00:25:40.799 --> 00:25:43.254 Yeah, it's, it's, again, sounds really easy in theory. 00:25:43.254 --> 00:25:44.994 Hard, really hard for us. 00:25:45.264 --> 00:25:48.264 And the second part as well, that, that whole mentality of we're not, we 00:25:48.264 --> 00:25:51.559 haven't been raised to focus on the physical experience of our emotions. 00:25:51.979 --> 00:25:53.719 We're very good at, at ignoring it, right? 00:25:53.719 --> 00:25:57.529 If, if our caregiver, if mom or dad is upset with us and they're yelling 00:25:57.529 --> 00:26:01.489 at us because I'm feeling angry, we are very quick at going, well, I'll 00:26:01.489 --> 00:26:04.934 just shut down what I'm feeling and I'll just deal with, my caregiver, 00:26:04.934 --> 00:26:07.394 mom or dad, or the teacher or sibling. 00:26:07.844 --> 00:26:13.094 So easy in theory, really hard to do and, and difficult, especially if 00:26:13.094 --> 00:26:16.924 we've never had the experience before, to, to actually be in touch with our 00:26:16.924 --> 00:26:19.234 feelings in a safe and secure way. 00:26:20.584 --> 00:26:24.364 So I guess then when we're helping children to resolve conflict, especially 00:26:24.364 --> 00:26:28.924 when they've come in after playtime or whatever, that whole idea of getting them 00:26:28.924 --> 00:26:35.944 to tap into how they are feeling and what it feels like in their body, and then 00:26:35.944 --> 00:26:40.204 I guess with the next step after that, then be that whole I feel when, yeah. 00:26:40.894 --> 00:26:43.834 And that's the next step to get them to actually talk about the 00:26:43.834 --> 00:26:47.134 way they're feeling and not to point fingers, it's how I feel. 00:26:47.134 --> 00:26:50.974 This is how I feel when this and this happens, and next time I'd 00:26:50.974 --> 00:26:54.064 like you to do this or this or this, or whatever the case might be. 00:26:54.574 --> 00:26:56.524 Would that be the right advice to give? 00:26:56.704 --> 00:26:57.754 Yeah, a hundred percent. 00:26:57.754 --> 00:26:59.764 This is why it's all linked to each other. 00:26:59.764 --> 00:27:03.544 Emotion, regulation, metacognition, assertive communication. 00:27:03.634 --> 00:27:05.524 It's all, it's all part of it. 00:27:05.819 --> 00:27:08.824 And, and just on the flip side, if you're on the receiving end of that as well, 00:27:08.824 --> 00:27:10.324 let's say you've come into lunchtime. 00:27:10.374 --> 00:27:13.824 You've had a great time and then suddenly a friend of yours is upset with you. 00:27:14.154 --> 00:27:17.964 You've also gotta be pretty regulated to be able to receive that and 00:27:18.174 --> 00:27:20.274 receive someone you care about. 00:27:20.484 --> 00:27:24.504 Then my friend's anger and be able to view it as like, okay, 00:27:24.504 --> 00:27:26.964 well Ben's just expressing this to me and communicating this to me. 00:27:26.994 --> 00:27:28.164 He's not attacking me. 00:27:28.524 --> 00:27:30.534 He's obviously upset and I've done something. 00:27:31.224 --> 00:27:32.814 How do I not get defensive? 00:27:32.814 --> 00:27:34.524 How do I not dismiss Ben? 00:27:34.884 --> 00:27:35.394 Um. 00:27:36.134 --> 00:27:40.194 And receive that feedback and emotion in a really productive and helpful way. 00:27:40.584 --> 00:27:44.034 We also use the metaphor of a Coke bottle with young people. 00:27:44.154 --> 00:27:47.184 They really recognize that and they understand what happens 00:27:47.184 --> 00:27:49.854 when you shake up a Coke bottle and then you take the lid off. 00:27:50.034 --> 00:27:51.774 They love that as a concept. 00:27:51.894 --> 00:27:54.854 And when we, uh, compare that with our bodies. 00:27:55.169 --> 00:27:59.489 What happens when we get dysregulated, aside from simply saying, you know, 00:27:59.489 --> 00:28:05.549 I felt X when you did y We also say to them, those bubbles are bubbling 00:28:05.549 --> 00:28:07.559 up inside you like a bottle of Coke. 00:28:07.919 --> 00:28:13.079 And when that moment of, um, you know, stress or conflict or whatever it is, 00:28:13.079 --> 00:28:17.219 something that goes wrong and the lid comes off those bubbles, it, the whole 00:28:17.219 --> 00:28:19.829 thing's gonna explode just like your body. 00:28:20.069 --> 00:28:23.529 And so there are some really, simple foundational techniques 00:28:23.529 --> 00:28:27.399 from that, they're called tip skills around being able to kind 00:28:27.399 --> 00:28:30.939 of lower your body temperature, for instance, or paced breathing, or 00:28:30.939 --> 00:28:33.099 do some form of physical exercise. 00:28:33.249 --> 00:28:36.429 Those are really simple techniques that an educator could use at the start of 00:28:36.429 --> 00:28:41.619 a lesson or throughout to allow some of those bubbles to come out the air, to come 00:28:41.619 --> 00:28:43.149 outta the Coke bottle in a healthy way. 00:28:44.244 --> 00:28:46.674 That was actually gonna be my next question to you guys. 00:28:46.764 --> 00:28:51.834 Uh, what are some tools or techniques that you can give educators and parents 00:28:51.834 --> 00:28:59.424 to use when they're trying to help children to regulate and also to untangle 00:28:59.424 --> 00:29:01.614 themselves from negative feelings? 00:29:01.659 --> 00:29:03.999 Are there any others that you can add to? 00:29:04.089 --> 00:29:07.359 Yeah, there's, there's so many and, and what, what Ben's talking about comes from, 00:29:07.359 --> 00:29:12.009 DBT, dialectical Behavioral Therapy in particular, distressed tolerance skills. 00:29:12.549 --> 00:29:15.789 So, so we, what's also fun in our workshops is we don't just lecture, 00:29:15.789 --> 00:29:18.459 like Ben said earlier, we actually get students to, to practice, 00:29:18.519 --> 00:29:20.079 um, and embody the learning. 00:29:20.439 --> 00:29:24.009 So, um, we get students to use some energy and. 00:29:24.664 --> 00:29:28.264 , the best way to use energy in an effective way is physical exercise. 00:29:28.499 --> 00:29:33.184 We, we talk about, um, progressive muscle relaxation or just tensing 00:29:33.184 --> 00:29:34.384 and relaxing your muscles. 00:29:34.384 --> 00:29:37.654 Just getting really used to, again, what is it, what does tension and and 00:29:37.654 --> 00:29:42.334 emotion feel like in, in each body part, A body scan, deep breathing. 00:29:43.054 --> 00:29:46.714 Um, lowering bloody temperature as Ben said, visualizations 00:29:46.719 --> 00:29:47.319 can be really helpful. 00:29:47.944 --> 00:29:50.914 And if you take all of those different tools, the, the common 00:29:50.914 --> 00:29:52.414 denominator with all of them, 00:29:52.699 --> 00:29:57.110 I guess the implementation of them for an educator, something you wanna be thinking 00:29:57.110 --> 00:30:01.519 about regularly is how can I adapt this skill or this tool for any environment? 00:30:01.969 --> 00:30:05.754 So it's one thing to be able to say to a student, Hey, a really useful 00:30:05.754 --> 00:30:08.635 technique is to meditate, for instance. 00:30:09.114 --> 00:30:13.524 If I'm in the middle of a maths test and I'm, I know that I haven't studied 00:30:13.524 --> 00:30:17.334 for that maths test and I'm starting to become dysregulated, I can't go 00:30:17.334 --> 00:30:20.155 to the other room, put my fingers up in the air and start meditating 00:30:20.155 --> 00:30:21.504 in that moment for 10 minutes. 00:30:21.804 --> 00:30:26.834 So how could I use one of these tools like tensing and relaxing one body 00:30:26.834 --> 00:30:32.294 part during that maths test or during a conflict that is really adaptable? 00:30:32.994 --> 00:30:36.704 Because it's something you could, you could tense your fist under the table 00:30:36.704 --> 00:30:42.134 or clench your toes or a, a part of your leg, for instance, and then relax 00:30:42.134 --> 00:30:46.094 it and feel that sense of relaxation spread to the other parts of your body 00:30:46.454 --> 00:30:50.794 without disrupting the whole class or, doing a run around the block 00:30:50.975 --> 00:30:52.594 just to get some of that energy out. 00:30:52.594 --> 00:30:56.975 So thinking through, okay, is this tool connective and 00:30:56.975 --> 00:30:58.895 adaptive in certain scenarios? 00:31:00.395 --> 00:31:06.785 So what I hear you saying is that teachers need a toolkit to use. 00:31:07.385 --> 00:31:11.675 To give to children in different scenarios or situations, whether 00:31:11.675 --> 00:31:16.625 that be, as you said, we can't just stop a lesson midway and oh, let's 00:31:16.625 --> 00:31:18.095 now all go run around the oval. 00:31:18.965 --> 00:31:23.435 They need different techniques and tools that they can use in specific 00:31:23.435 --> 00:31:28.985 situations to help them deal with whatever emotion is arising. 00:31:29.855 --> 00:31:38.094 So this then means that as teachers, we really need a whole quiver of 00:31:38.215 --> 00:31:43.915 arrows and knowledge to help all these children that we teach because they're 00:31:43.915 --> 00:31:45.955 all coming in with, different needs. 00:31:45.985 --> 00:31:53.044 Which then tells me that as schools, teachers all need training in things 00:31:53.044 --> 00:32:00.299 like conflict resolution and, dealing with anxiety and all these other things 00:32:00.299 --> 00:32:05.330 that kids are coming to school with, in that it's not just a teacher's job 00:32:05.330 --> 00:32:07.190 anymore just to deliver curriculum. 00:32:07.280 --> 00:32:10.800 It's now also our job to be little mini psychologists in 00:32:10.800 --> 00:32:12.991 our classrooms, and so we need 00:32:14.010 --> 00:32:17.220 tools and training, I think in order to do that. 00:32:18.130 --> 00:32:22.270 And I know this is just one little way, one podcast, that we can do that. 00:32:22.270 --> 00:32:26.440 But for those teachers and parents too, 'cause I found, for me as 00:32:26.440 --> 00:32:30.350 a parent starting out, they say small children, small problems, 00:32:30.350 --> 00:32:31.730 big children, big problems. 00:32:32.180 --> 00:32:34.670 As they go through and they get to those teenage years, you've 00:32:34.670 --> 00:32:39.290 got whole other, other kettle of fish, other problems to deal with. 00:32:40.385 --> 00:32:44.825 Just in a little nutshell, give us some things that we can have in our toolbox 00:32:45.425 --> 00:32:47.765 that we can use to, to help kids. 00:32:48.615 --> 00:32:50.715 Yeah, so we often talk to teachers. 00:32:50.715 --> 00:32:52.155 We're talking, we're in schools every day. 00:32:52.155 --> 00:32:57.945 And I think Ben will agree with me that yeah, teachers are the heroes. 00:32:58.935 --> 00:32:59.026 They're superstars. 00:32:59.026 --> 00:33:00.014 They are doing so much 00:33:00.075 --> 00:33:01.845 um, and they need to be appreciated more. 00:33:01.875 --> 00:33:03.525 Like you said, they're not just teaching, they're doing. 00:33:05.025 --> 00:33:08.415 The mini psychologists, they've got so much on their plate and we really, 00:33:08.535 --> 00:33:12.945 um, see that, um, in terms of kind of what, what tools we can offer, really 00:33:13.005 --> 00:33:14.415 a lot of other ones we've covered. 00:33:14.415 --> 00:33:19.335 So really thinking about that emotion regulation, um, toolbox of, of the things 00:33:19.335 --> 00:33:23.445 we've covered from DBT, being able to cognitively label the feelings, being 00:33:23.445 --> 00:33:27.435 able to embody it, helping, uh, students and kids express them in healthy ways. 00:33:28.155 --> 00:33:31.545 Um, a, a big part of it, like we said at the beginning, is also, um. 00:33:32.940 --> 00:33:35.190 Being aware of students' cognition and thoughts. 00:33:35.190 --> 00:33:35.610 Right? 00:33:36.270 --> 00:33:42.780 Um, and if we can teach students certain thinking styles, this is very classic 00:33:42.780 --> 00:33:46.950 CBT cognitive behavioral therapy of, well, what, what are the common thinking 00:33:46.950 --> 00:33:48.750 patterns that are gonna get in the way? 00:33:49.140 --> 00:33:54.270 Um, in today's lesson out in the playground, at the sports field, uh, 00:33:54.270 --> 00:33:55.920 on the weekend with friends at home. 00:33:56.280 --> 00:33:58.650 And we can encourage students, again, that metacognition to start 00:33:58.650 --> 00:33:59.820 thinking about their thinking. 00:34:00.285 --> 00:34:03.495 That's gonna empower students to be able to go into that environment. 00:34:03.495 --> 00:34:07.065 Whatever it is, catch that unhelpful thought, that fortune telling, that 00:34:07.065 --> 00:34:10.935 mind reading, be able to respond to it, challenge it, and balance 00:34:10.935 --> 00:34:13.875 that in a really productive way and continue on with what they're doing. 00:34:14.115 --> 00:34:16.335 So there's the emotion regulation aspect of it. 00:34:16.695 --> 00:34:20.955 There's the cognitive restructuring, um, and then there's also 00:34:20.955 --> 00:34:21.975 the dealing with conflict. 00:34:21.975 --> 00:34:25.515 How to actually, um, encourage and empower students to, to use 00:34:25.515 --> 00:34:27.765 the right words, um, to navigate. 00:34:28.605 --> 00:34:29.235 Conflicts, 00:34:29.445 --> 00:34:30.885 and I might just add to that. 00:34:32.025 --> 00:34:34.845 Systems move and change slowly. 00:34:34.935 --> 00:34:37.695 They take a lot of time to change and 00:34:38.280 --> 00:34:41.970 ultimately, I think we're seeing that change happening now in education. 00:34:42.630 --> 00:34:45.990 Unfortunately, things like classrooms, as you mentioned at the start of this 00:34:45.990 --> 00:34:50.670 conversation, haven't, we're still in a, you know, industrial society kind 00:34:50.670 --> 00:34:54.540 of situation where kids are all facing the front with a bell every hour. 00:34:55.150 --> 00:34:57.220 You wearing the same uniform, all that sort of stuff. 00:34:57.220 --> 00:34:59.530 And then not learning in different environments 00:34:59.530 --> 00:35:01.150 outside, those sorts of things. 00:35:01.600 --> 00:35:05.530 But one thing that is starting to shift, which I think you're touching on here, is 00:35:05.530 --> 00:35:07.930 the role of the educator and the teacher. 00:35:08.290 --> 00:35:12.190 Whereas in years gone by, it was to teach maths or English or whatever 00:35:12.190 --> 00:35:14.090 your subject area expertise is. 00:35:14.120 --> 00:35:17.660 And I think we're now seeing more and more schools understand the 00:35:17.660 --> 00:35:22.250 importance of social emotional learning, wellbeing and the whole child and get 00:35:22.250 --> 00:35:27.265 and preparing them for life beyond year 12 and just their ATAR score. 00:35:27.925 --> 00:35:33.235 However, what that means is you're right, teachers do need more in their social 00:35:33.235 --> 00:35:38.745 and emotional toolbox and different ways of educating and working with students. 00:35:38.795 --> 00:35:42.785 The role, and even the word teacher implies that someone is going to 00:35:42.905 --> 00:35:47.585 teach something and they're going to impart wisdom or knowledge or learning 00:35:47.825 --> 00:35:49.475 in the area that they know best. 00:35:50.075 --> 00:35:53.885 But I think what we are starting to see some brilliant teachers out there doing 00:35:53.885 --> 00:35:59.405 is not just teaching by talking, but teaching by listening and role modeling 00:35:59.405 --> 00:36:03.455 the skill of actually letting the person share what's going on for them. 00:36:04.150 --> 00:36:08.710 I think while there's some amazing tools that, that David's just shared as well, 00:36:08.720 --> 00:36:14.020 that teachers can start to use, we know that young people, whether they are in 00:36:14.020 --> 00:36:18.040 primary school, middle school, or high school, often, there's so much going on 00:36:18.040 --> 00:36:23.500 for them inside that they want to share, and instead of being told how to feel, 00:36:23.860 --> 00:36:28.720 you know, don't worry about it or it'll be fine, and telling them the outcome. 00:36:29.980 --> 00:36:34.800 One of the tools we need our teachers to hear is around listening and being 00:36:34.800 --> 00:36:40.020 able to provide space for young people to share openly and honestly, and 00:36:40.080 --> 00:36:41.880 often not even have to have an answer. 00:36:42.240 --> 00:36:46.200 I mean, you brought up the idea of parents and little kids, 00:36:46.200 --> 00:36:47.490 big kids, bigger problems. 00:36:47.490 --> 00:36:50.880 It's like sometimes you just want to be able to talk and share it and 00:36:50.880 --> 00:36:52.890 not necessarily have the answer. 00:36:52.890 --> 00:36:56.030 It's just a microphone, and an ear to listen to. 00:36:56.075 --> 00:37:00.045 So, yeah, I think that's a powerful one that teachers can use as well. 00:37:00.975 --> 00:37:02.235 I think that's very, very true. 00:37:02.445 --> 00:37:05.745 I was, as I've mentioned before, teaching health the last two years to years 00:37:05.745 --> 00:37:10.605 three to six, very many of my lessons would simply be kids just wanting to be 00:37:10.605 --> 00:37:13.245 heard, just talking, just conversations. 00:37:13.515 --> 00:37:14.355 They really do. 00:37:14.355 --> 00:37:19.185 They, I find that they have a dire need to actually express their 00:37:19.185 --> 00:37:21.165 feelings and say how they're feeling. 00:37:21.195 --> 00:37:23.895 'cause I don't know if they're getting that at home Very often. 00:37:24.555 --> 00:37:31.035 They need a space to be able to just talk and have non-judgmental listening. 00:37:31.095 --> 00:37:31.695 I think. 00:37:32.500 --> 00:37:36.280 I have found that to be true is that they love, they love to talk 00:37:36.280 --> 00:37:39.550 about themselves and they want to actually say how they feel. 00:37:40.360 --> 00:37:43.330 And sometimes it's frightening to hear these things as a teacher. 00:37:43.360 --> 00:37:47.360 'cause sometimes you don't even know how to respond ? But I find they don't 00:37:47.360 --> 00:37:49.220 really want to respond very often. 00:37:49.460 --> 00:37:52.490 They just want you, to be a sounding board I think. 00:37:52.540 --> 00:37:54.040 So I think that's really important. 00:37:54.050 --> 00:37:58.190 Um, very many people said to me when I was coming out the classroom, gosh, 00:37:58.190 --> 00:38:01.190 you know, you're not gonna make as much of an impact teaching health. 00:38:01.550 --> 00:38:03.250 And in some respects that's true. 00:38:03.250 --> 00:38:06.580 But in others I thought, crikey no, actually this is a massive 00:38:06.580 --> 00:38:10.720 impact because mental wellbeing is so huge now, and I just found that 00:38:10.720 --> 00:38:12.580 children just wanted to be heard. 00:38:13.880 --> 00:38:14.240 Absolutely. 00:38:15.230 --> 00:38:16.130 And a huge part. 00:38:16.190 --> 00:38:19.280 Of our workshop but isn't before we even get to the tools, is just 00:38:19.280 --> 00:38:22.610 creating a space for, again, doesn't matter what age the students are, 00:38:22.610 --> 00:38:24.430 just to normalize and validate. 00:38:25.240 --> 00:38:28.420 I mean, going on the Coke bottle, like who in your life shakes up your Coke bottle? 00:38:28.840 --> 00:38:30.730 And just kind of sharing it and celebrating it. 00:38:30.730 --> 00:38:33.940 That of course, people in our life, people we love shake up our Coke 00:38:33.940 --> 00:38:38.410 bottle, our friends, our parents, our teachers, ourselves even, and also what 00:38:38.410 --> 00:38:40.120 situations shake up a Coke bottle too. 00:38:40.120 --> 00:38:43.570 Just having that space to just normalize it and let it out 00:38:43.870 --> 00:38:45.880 is so, like you said, it's so. 00:38:46.235 --> 00:38:48.350 That's just what students need and kids need. 00:38:48.695 --> 00:38:51.905 And unfortunately from, you know, eight 30 till three 30, there's so 00:38:51.905 --> 00:38:55.115 much that's crammed in the day in the lessons for kids to learn and 00:38:55.115 --> 00:38:56.645 we have to get through so much. 00:38:57.155 --> 00:39:01.325 Often they're operating at like 30 or 40% of their capacity because they're 00:39:01.325 --> 00:39:05.105 dealing with so many emotions or thoughts that haven't moved, they haven't got 00:39:05.105 --> 00:39:06.670 out of their bodies or their minds. 00:39:07.060 --> 00:39:10.805 When in reality, if we're able to create those preconditions for learning 00:39:10.805 --> 00:39:15.460 by allowing them the space to talk or share or get some of those things 00:39:15.460 --> 00:39:19.330 off their chest, we might be able to bump them up to 70 or 80 or 90%. 00:39:19.570 --> 00:39:23.050 We might achieve, we might not achieve as much as we want, but at least 00:39:23.050 --> 00:39:28.570 they'll be cognitively, you know, aware, listening, engaging, and 00:39:28.570 --> 00:39:30.280 showing up to class ready to learn. 00:39:31.180 --> 00:39:34.780 You know, we can't take parents out of the conversation. 00:39:34.840 --> 00:39:38.710 It's a three-way little triangle of communication and 00:39:38.710 --> 00:39:40.300 language and relationships. 00:39:40.300 --> 00:39:44.110 But what role do the parents play in supporting children and 00:39:44.110 --> 00:39:49.720 how can schools and teachers collaborate better with families 00:39:49.720 --> 00:39:51.760 to get their support for children? 00:39:52.510 --> 00:39:53.470 What have you found? 00:39:54.100 --> 00:39:55.840 So, I mean, parents play a huge role. 00:39:56.395 --> 00:39:58.585 Absolutely they're there from the very beginning. 00:39:58.675 --> 00:40:02.005 Um, and like I said before, children are sponges and the biggest people 00:40:02.005 --> 00:40:04.255 they're learning from are their parents. 00:40:04.345 --> 00:40:06.485 So, parents play a huge role. 00:40:06.695 --> 00:40:13.565 Um, and it's hard, like parents, also, have to set, uh, boundaries and try 00:40:13.565 --> 00:40:15.115 and shape their children , to be 00:40:15.835 --> 00:40:18.625 good, young, healthy, or functioning adults, it's hard. 00:40:18.625 --> 00:40:21.685 Plus they're working, plus they're providing, plus they're cleaning, they're 00:40:21.685 --> 00:40:23.185 running their little small business. 00:40:23.515 --> 00:40:24.895 There's a lot going on for parents. 00:40:24.895 --> 00:40:30.505 So, I mean, the approach that we take and, um, psychology takes is it's never 00:40:30.505 --> 00:40:33.475 about blaming and going, okay, well that's my, that's because mom and dad 00:40:33.475 --> 00:40:34.885 did this and spoke to 'em this way. 00:40:35.575 --> 00:40:37.165 Um, everyone's trying their best. 00:40:37.465 --> 00:40:38.725 Absolutely everyone's trying their best. 00:40:38.730 --> 00:40:44.400 And, and we know parents are as well and most parenting and like, is probably just 00:40:44.400 --> 00:40:46.260 passed down from what they experience too. 00:40:46.260 --> 00:40:48.720 So, and when you're tired and when you're stressed, what 00:40:48.720 --> 00:40:50.370 kicks in is just what you know. 00:40:51.180 --> 00:40:55.600 Um, and this is where education, , psychoeducation plays a really big 00:40:55.600 --> 00:41:00.460 role in going, okay, maybe this is what we were shown and taught, um, through 00:41:00.460 --> 00:41:01.900 our childhood and from our parents. 00:41:01.900 --> 00:41:04.420 But there are some things that can really go a long way. 00:41:05.529 --> 00:41:10.060 Um, and offering support, offering content, offering workshops. 00:41:10.765 --> 00:41:14.185 Um, a big thing we see as well, is naturally parents 00:41:14.185 --> 00:41:15.265 come from a loving place. 00:41:15.265 --> 00:41:18.685 They see their child in distress in whatever way they come home and 00:41:18.685 --> 00:41:21.115 their child's telling about an issue in the playground, or they didn't do 00:41:21.115 --> 00:41:24.775 well in the classroom or whatever's going on, and that loving place. 00:41:24.775 --> 00:41:28.165 Parents go, oh, they get, they get anxious and go, okay, I'm feeling 00:41:28.165 --> 00:41:29.335 anxious, I'm feeling stressed. 00:41:29.365 --> 00:41:31.045 How do I fix this? 00:41:31.075 --> 00:41:34.795 And we, and parents and all of us are very quick to jump into problem solving mode. 00:41:34.975 --> 00:41:35.995 We wanna try and fix. 00:41:36.894 --> 00:41:40.374 And like we said, sometimes from that place of wanting to fix and problem 00:41:40.374 --> 00:41:45.354 solve, we unintentionally, um, one, dismiss our children's emotions, but 00:41:45.354 --> 00:41:50.274 two, also rob kids of the opportunity to actually figure it out for themselves. 00:41:50.454 --> 00:41:56.154 I mean, you said it so nicely before, kids often don't need to be told the solution. 00:41:56.244 --> 00:41:57.624 They can figure it out themselves. 00:41:57.624 --> 00:41:59.334 They're pretty handy and resourceful. 00:41:59.964 --> 00:42:01.345 They just need to feel heard. 00:42:02.050 --> 00:42:04.450 First and foremost, and they feel safe and secure. 00:42:04.750 --> 00:42:09.190 And then when they're feel heard and validated in their experience, often the, 00:42:09.190 --> 00:42:13.870 you see it all the time, often the answer or the solution or that course of action 00:42:13.870 --> 00:42:18.190 comes spontaneously from that place of like, okay, well here's what I need to do. 00:42:18.220 --> 00:42:19.450 Maybe I can study a bit harder. 00:42:19.450 --> 00:42:23.350 Maybe I can invite my friend over, maybe I can ask my teacher 00:42:23.350 --> 00:42:24.570 for more help after the class. 00:42:25.200 --> 00:42:28.959 And part of that as well is, like you were saying before, how much a parent 00:42:28.959 --> 00:42:33.549 or a staff, an educator can inflame something through their own dysregulation. 00:42:34.029 --> 00:42:39.069 So feeling those emotions and being able to identify cognitively what 00:42:39.069 --> 00:42:42.970 you're experiencing as the child, you know, or the student says something 00:42:42.970 --> 00:42:46.575 to you or is going through what they're going through to be able to 00:42:46.914 --> 00:42:50.664 sit in that discomfort for yourself as well, because there's two people 00:42:50.664 --> 00:42:53.724 in that interaction, the parent and the child, or the staff member 00:42:53.724 --> 00:42:55.285 and the child and the student. 00:42:55.765 --> 00:42:59.484 So being able to be aware of what you are feeling first and recognize, 00:42:59.484 --> 00:43:03.774 well, , I actually need to regulate my own emotions first before I help them. 00:43:04.834 --> 00:43:09.804 And I, I think also what you just said as well is very important in that so 00:43:09.804 --> 00:43:13.254 often the first thing a child thinks that they should do is, or tell a teacher. 00:43:14.274 --> 00:43:18.444 And so with my students, I always go, no, please don't come and tell me first. 00:43:19.014 --> 00:43:21.204 You've gotta first try and work it out yourself. 00:43:21.234 --> 00:43:24.084 Using those techniques that we've taught them, that I've taught 00:43:24.084 --> 00:43:26.127 them, I feel da, da, da, da, da. 00:43:26.844 --> 00:43:31.614 And then if you can't sort it out and you still feel like you need help, that's 00:43:31.614 --> 00:43:34.914 when you come to the teacher and say, I couldn't figure out this problem. 00:43:34.914 --> 00:43:35.934 We're having problems. 00:43:35.934 --> 00:43:37.224 Can you help us? 00:43:37.549 --> 00:43:38.599 I think that you're right. 00:43:38.599 --> 00:43:43.429 So often we try and jump in as parents and teachers to try and solve the problem 00:43:43.429 --> 00:43:48.919 for kids, but we have to give them some power and autonomy for them to try 00:43:48.919 --> 00:43:51.259 and sort it out for themselves first. 00:43:51.559 --> 00:43:53.629 I think that's really important. 00:43:53.659 --> 00:43:55.430 'cause we don't give them enough credit. 00:43:56.329 --> 00:43:56.689 Um. 00:43:57.490 --> 00:44:01.359 We get this perpetual circle of every day, oh, I'm gonna tell the teacher, I'm 00:44:01.359 --> 00:44:03.909 gonna tell the teacher, and they come running to you with all their problems. 00:44:03.909 --> 00:44:07.539 But really we've gotta help them solve their own problems. 00:44:07.539 --> 00:44:09.069 I think that's the bottom line. 00:44:09.159 --> 00:44:13.029 And to give them the tools and the resources for them to do that effectively. 00:44:13.689 --> 00:44:15.249 Would you, would you agree with that? 00:44:15.819 --> 00:44:16.450 A hundred percent. 00:44:17.379 --> 00:44:17.859 Great. 00:44:18.979 --> 00:44:23.020 Gentlemen, I think this has been a really powerful conversation. 00:44:23.425 --> 00:44:29.765 And one that I really hope every school and teacher listens to. 00:44:30.455 --> 00:44:33.154 So we need to, share this conversation far and wide. 00:44:34.310 --> 00:44:38.229 Just share with us, before we go and before we sign off, the tools 00:44:38.229 --> 00:44:42.519 and resources and the workshops that toolbox education offers to schools 00:44:42.519 --> 00:44:48.969 and, uh, I guess parents as well and students to help them navigate this 00:44:48.969 --> 00:44:53.109 new world of ours and the anxiety and the feelings that kids are feeling. 00:44:54.595 --> 00:44:58.044 So we run workshops for year one through to year 12. 00:44:58.584 --> 00:45:03.174 In the junior years, the primary years focusing on emotion literacy, 00:45:03.174 --> 00:45:07.434 managing meltdowns, and understanding how our anxieties affect our 00:45:07.434 --> 00:45:09.595 social situations and interactions. 00:45:10.134 --> 00:45:12.894 In the middle years, we look at more emotion regulation 00:45:12.894 --> 00:45:16.524 skills as we're entering a new environment in the middle school. 00:45:16.704 --> 00:45:20.664 How we, understand our anxieties and the videos that play in 00:45:20.664 --> 00:45:22.284 our minds about interactions. 00:45:22.314 --> 00:45:25.374 And as we move into the senior school, we look at things like dealing with 00:45:25.374 --> 00:45:30.714 conflict, overcoming procrastination and self-critical thoughts that pop 00:45:30.714 --> 00:45:34.784 up for a lot of students as they're approaching year 11 and 12 and wondering 00:45:34.784 --> 00:45:36.464 where they're gonna go in their lives. 00:45:36.914 --> 00:45:40.364 We run each of those workshops as well for parents and staff. 00:45:40.454 --> 00:45:41.964 And schools, 00:45:41.964 --> 00:45:45.954 educators can find us at toolboxeducation.com, uh, 00:45:45.954 --> 00:45:50.095 and on Instagram, LinkedIn, TikTok, Facebook, you name it. 00:45:50.354 --> 00:45:53.061 And just another thing as well, we provide the workshop to teach 00:45:53.061 --> 00:45:56.541 the tools, but we really want to scaffold and continue the learning. 00:45:56.541 --> 00:46:00.741 So with every workshop we have, was it six to 10 weeks worth of follow up 00:46:00.741 --> 00:46:04.881 activities that have been developed by myself and, and I'm mean in 00:46:04.881 --> 00:46:06.351 consultation with teachers as well. 00:46:06.351 --> 00:46:10.951 So, it's not just a sugar hit, it's kids can learn it and practice it. 00:46:10.951 --> 00:46:14.281 So it just becomes automatic and you see it, it becomes second nature. 00:46:14.281 --> 00:46:15.991 We can start to challenge our thoughts immediately. 00:46:15.991 --> 00:46:17.641 We can start to regulate ourselves. 00:46:18.441 --> 00:46:19.221 Automatically. 00:46:19.431 --> 00:46:22.851 And last but not least, we also have a, a toolbox clinic. 00:46:22.911 --> 00:46:25.971 So we understand that the preventative measures are really important and 00:46:25.971 --> 00:46:29.901 these workshops to equip students with the tools, but we also know that some 00:46:29.901 --> 00:46:34.191 students and staff and parents and adults are gonna need that support as well. 00:46:34.191 --> 00:46:38.491 So we have a team of psychologists that, have client sessions both 00:46:38.491 --> 00:46:40.051 face-to-face and telehealth. 00:46:41.191 --> 00:46:43.151 And this is, all over Australia. 00:46:43.691 --> 00:46:46.751 So we're located in, in Melbourne, that's where we're based, um, in the 00:46:46.751 --> 00:46:48.611 Southeast, but we offer telehealth. 00:46:49.281 --> 00:46:51.921 Ben and David, you are doing an amazing, wonderful job. 00:46:51.971 --> 00:46:56.251 I just commend everything that you're doing, as a, as a teacher and a as a 00:46:56.251 --> 00:46:58.621 parent too, I know how important this is. 00:46:58.741 --> 00:47:03.361 It's something that we are dealing with more and more every single day because 00:47:03.361 --> 00:47:08.041 of, I guess, social media is having a massive influence on children and their 00:47:08.041 --> 00:47:15.611 mental health and I cannot overstate how important your work is that you're doing 00:47:15.611 --> 00:47:18.491 for children and parents and educators. 00:47:18.491 --> 00:47:22.661 So on behalf of everybody, I'd like to thank you for your work that you're 00:47:22.661 --> 00:47:28.211 doing and I will share all your links in the show notes so people 00:47:28.211 --> 00:47:29.951 can get hold of you if they need to. 00:47:30.431 --> 00:47:34.391 And I'd just like to thank you for reaching out and coming onto Blooming 00:47:34.391 --> 00:47:39.221 Curious today to share your advice and your knowledge with our listeners today. 00:47:40.391 --> 00:47:44.111 So that was Ben and David from Toolbox Education. 00:47:44.171 --> 00:47:50.501 I hope that you found today's episode as interesting as I have, and if you 00:47:50.501 --> 00:47:55.031 did, please share this episode far and wide with everyone, you know, 00:47:55.031 --> 00:48:00.671 because today's episode was really such an important one for our children 00:48:00.701 --> 00:48:02.711 and teachers and parents everywhere. 00:48:02.741 --> 00:48:07.661 We all need as much help as we can to help our children and ourselves 00:48:08.081 --> 00:48:12.341 with the emotions and anxieties and the meltdowns that we experience 00:48:12.731 --> 00:48:14.141 just about every single day. 00:48:14.471 --> 00:48:15.461 So thanks for listening. 00:48:15.881 --> 00:48:18.641 We'll be back next week, same time, same place. 00:48:18.641 --> 00:48:22.361 And until then, stay blooming, curious, and don't forget to click that 00:48:22.451 --> 00:48:27.371 share button and share this episode right now with someone that you know