WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:04.790 Today on Blooming Curious, we welcome Shana Roberts of Nurture Connect 00:00:04.840 --> 00:00:07.080 Play and the Talk and Coffee podcast. 00:00:07.490 --> 00:00:11.210 Shana is a mum, author, educator and podcast host. 00:00:11.220 --> 00:00:15.179 She helps educators and parents build deeper connections with children 00:00:15.470 --> 00:00:19.380 and helps them navigate difficult situations and big emotions. 00:00:19.759 --> 00:00:21.580 Welcome to Blooming Curious, Shana. 00:00:21.580 --> 00:00:22.950 It's wonderful to have you here. 00:00:23.660 --> 00:00:24.689 Thank you so much for having me. 00:00:24.690 --> 00:00:25.140 It's great 00:00:25.170 --> 00:00:25.989 to sit down and 00:00:25.989 --> 00:00:26.740 chat with you more. 00:00:27.474 --> 00:00:31.624 I always say to people, you know, although I hate technology, I love technology in 00:00:31.624 --> 00:00:36.334 that it helps you connect with people from all over the world so easily. 00:00:36.334 --> 00:00:39.694 This would never have happened in days gone by. 00:00:39.734 --> 00:00:43.624 So we have to thank technology for these connections we can make. 00:00:43.625 --> 00:00:44.694 So that's really cool. 00:00:46.059 --> 00:00:50.080 So Shana, you are very busy juggling teaching, being a mum, 00:00:50.109 --> 00:00:52.149 an author and a podcast host. 00:00:52.220 --> 00:00:56.830 So tell us a little bit about yourself and what led you to creating your website 00:00:56.859 --> 00:00:59.460 and Chalk and Coffee, your podcast. 00:00:59.990 --> 00:01:01.059 Absolutely. 00:01:01.359 --> 00:01:07.109 Well, I began in education about 20 years ago before I began 00:01:07.109 --> 00:01:08.630 my study to become a teacher. 00:01:09.180 --> 00:01:12.090 I Was first an SSO. 00:01:12.100 --> 00:01:16.930 So in South Australia, that's a service school services officer who supports 00:01:16.930 --> 00:01:20.669 children within the classroom and different roles within the school. 00:01:20.989 --> 00:01:24.349 And I wanted to do that to give me a really great foundation of 00:01:24.380 --> 00:01:26.329 understanding how a school works. 00:01:26.859 --> 00:01:34.744 And I guess, develop more connections with students and I wanted to do that first 00:01:34.765 --> 00:01:37.355 before I went and did my teaching degree. 00:01:37.854 --> 00:01:43.544 So it was really great having the, um, experience, which helped me to 00:01:44.015 --> 00:01:48.874 understand more of what they were teaching us at university, because I 00:01:48.895 --> 00:01:54.924 think hands on experience is I guess, a better way to understand and learn 00:01:54.924 --> 00:01:57.414 things than just through textbooks. 00:01:58.184 --> 00:02:01.164 So that's how I began working with children. 00:02:01.194 --> 00:02:06.064 And then from there, I've worked in education as a teacher for around 00:02:06.074 --> 00:02:11.234 13 years, and I've been lucky to have been at the same school for the 00:02:11.234 --> 00:02:14.249 last approximately 10 to 11 years. 00:02:14.749 --> 00:02:21.439 And within that, it's a very complex site, um, with children from a range 00:02:21.439 --> 00:02:26.769 of different backgrounds, quite often with trauma or, , disadvantage. 00:02:27.179 --> 00:02:32.609 So it's a very eye opening, and I think makes myself and others who I work with 00:02:33.259 --> 00:02:40.834 better educators, because we have to have more understanding more, support, 00:02:40.894 --> 00:02:43.344 more connection with the students. 00:02:44.389 --> 00:02:48.019 And from all of that, and then having my own child, I then developed my own 00:02:48.019 --> 00:02:53.599 business, which first started out as wild and free publishing, which I still have. 00:02:53.879 --> 00:02:59.459 And through there, I've published my books and more that are coming, but I 00:02:59.459 --> 00:03:01.429 wanted to also do something different. 00:03:01.439 --> 00:03:05.069 So have a space that was, I don't know, somewhere people could go 00:03:05.659 --> 00:03:09.819 to find resources or just kind of learn about child development, 00:03:10.059 --> 00:03:14.489 ways that they can interact and support their children to thrive. 00:03:15.419 --> 00:03:17.929 And that's when Nurture Connect Play was born. 00:03:19.469 --> 00:03:20.109 That's amazing. 00:03:20.109 --> 00:03:24.099 And I think, especially now with everything that's changing in the 00:03:24.099 --> 00:03:27.399 world, you know, we've become in quite a, a technological 00:03:27.399 --> 00:03:29.119 world as modern world of ours. 00:03:29.640 --> 00:03:34.905 And I think I see a lot of disconnect in the world now. 00:03:34.905 --> 00:03:37.525 So I think something that you're doing is just amazing. 00:03:37.785 --> 00:03:42.615 Helping people to have better connections with their children. 00:03:42.625 --> 00:03:44.244 Cause I see a lot of disconnect. 00:03:44.314 --> 00:03:47.024 I was teaching health as a specialist subject for a while, and 00:03:47.024 --> 00:03:52.465 that has a lot to do with making friends and just issues around. 00:03:53.184 --> 00:03:56.285 Um, the way children feel, you know, their whole, their emotions 00:03:56.684 --> 00:03:58.215 and how to deal with emotions. 00:03:58.825 --> 00:04:02.875 And when kids start opening up and they start talking to you about that, you 00:04:02.885 --> 00:04:07.334 realize very quickly that it's not just friendship issues that they have, but 00:04:07.334 --> 00:04:10.894 they also don't feel heard at home. 00:04:11.534 --> 00:04:14.084 And that's something that was very eye opening for me. 00:04:14.924 --> 00:04:19.414 So you can imagine, because I think of our busy lives, perhaps people are so 00:04:19.414 --> 00:04:23.314 busy that they're forgetting to connect with their children, that it's not 00:04:23.534 --> 00:04:27.564 just about providing all the physical stuff for your child, but also about 00:04:27.564 --> 00:04:31.654 providing and having that connection with children that's so important. 00:04:32.485 --> 00:04:37.084 Now Shana, you've touched on trauma here, and I know that you say that 00:04:37.084 --> 00:04:39.624 you're a trauma informed educator. 00:04:39.714 --> 00:04:40.724 What does that mean? 00:04:40.724 --> 00:04:45.404 And can you share with us how that has helped you to help children thrive? 00:04:46.794 --> 00:04:47.854 Absolutely. 00:04:48.054 --> 00:04:53.654 There are so many different frameworks that support teachers to 00:04:53.654 --> 00:04:56.644 become a trauma informed educator. 00:04:57.934 --> 00:05:00.944 And one of the ways that I was really lucky through my site to 00:05:00.944 --> 00:05:04.604 do that was to be trained through the Berry Street education model. 00:05:06.754 --> 00:05:12.069 Because we know that trauma impacts on children in different ways, and in in turn 00:05:12.079 --> 00:05:14.049 it affects their development and learning. 00:05:14.819 --> 00:05:19.849 So by understanding more about the whole child, I think it sets educators 00:05:19.849 --> 00:05:26.239 up to enable the school and learning space to really support them and help 00:05:26.299 --> 00:05:29.749 them in their educational, but the social emotional development as well. 00:05:30.819 --> 00:05:35.769 So before I became trained through the Berry Street, I really resonated 00:05:35.789 --> 00:05:42.124 with the idea that Gabor Mati suggests about trauma and how it has the lasting 00:05:42.154 --> 00:05:47.924 impact on people, because we know that trauma can lead to reduced cognitive 00:05:47.924 --> 00:05:54.384 ability, um, difficulty with memory and concentration, language delays, but also 00:05:54.384 --> 00:05:59.354 really impacts the social and friendship issues, as you say, that you also taught 00:05:59.374 --> 00:06:01.354 through your health specialist role. 00:06:02.094 --> 00:06:07.364 and I used to say that every day within my classroom and students would struggle 00:06:07.364 --> 00:06:11.674 with all of those areas and also from the impacts, within their own home lives. 00:06:12.204 --> 00:06:17.534 So having this extra training assisted us within, especially my site and 00:06:17.554 --> 00:06:25.144 others that I know of to set up a more nurturing environment with specific 00:06:25.154 --> 00:06:27.364 strategies and supports we could use 00:06:27.819 --> 00:06:34.489 to support the students, so, education and understanding more about their 00:06:34.489 --> 00:06:39.769 body and what is happening when they're faced with difficult situations. 00:06:39.839 --> 00:06:45.059 And Mattie's work suggests about healing requires compassion, 00:06:45.069 --> 00:06:46.739 self awareness and reconnection. 00:06:47.169 --> 00:06:51.139 And that's one of the ways, that we do that through Berry Street is 00:06:51.614 --> 00:06:57.774 you understand where the children are at developmentally and teaching 00:06:57.774 --> 00:07:04.954 them through self regulation, through emotional regulation, through connection, 00:07:05.024 --> 00:07:08.804 different ways to support them. 00:07:08.934 --> 00:07:13.924 And, I guess one of the foundations that we do that is, it's rooted in 00:07:13.924 --> 00:07:17.224 the idea that you need to have strong relationships with your children. 00:07:17.454 --> 00:07:19.394 So, connection is one. 00:07:19.484 --> 00:07:22.744 Understanding who they are, seeing them as a whole person. 00:07:23.004 --> 00:07:27.044 That sometimes the behaviours they represent it's not about them, it's 00:07:27.044 --> 00:07:32.684 not about us, it's just a sign of something else going on underneath. 00:07:33.034 --> 00:07:37.934 So teaching them how to de escalate self regulation, looking at the factors 00:07:37.934 --> 00:07:43.074 that their body is doing, understanding what their triggers are, you know, 00:07:43.094 --> 00:07:48.974 what kind of, if they display the fight, flight, freeze symptoms, and how 00:07:48.974 --> 00:07:51.704 you can set up your entire classroom 00:07:52.154 --> 00:07:57.474 to support that is a really great education model and one that I highly 00:07:57.474 --> 00:08:04.374 recommend that any educators willing to go and do to investigate and learn about. 00:08:04.374 --> 00:08:08.204 You know, and this is something that so many of us now in schools 00:08:08.204 --> 00:08:11.824 all over have classrooms with children with diverse needs. 00:08:11.825 --> 00:08:12.184 Absolutely. 00:08:12.184 --> 00:08:16.824 And I wonder if you could just, just give us one, you talked about these 00:08:16.824 --> 00:08:20.024 strategies that you're using that you've learned through Berry Street. 00:08:20.484 --> 00:08:21.634 And I was just thinking about dysregulation. 00:08:21.714 --> 00:08:26.454 Dysregulation is such a massive one now, we're seeing more and more children 00:08:26.454 --> 00:08:30.444 with diverse needs and often I think dysregulation is something that happens. 00:08:30.444 --> 00:08:30.934 Yeah. 00:08:31.099 --> 00:08:36.079 Could you give like one example of how you would deal or a tip for a teacher or 00:08:36.079 --> 00:08:41.259 even a parent listening, how you could deal with a child who is dysregulated? 00:08:41.579 --> 00:08:44.209 What is your advice when it comes to that? 00:08:44.719 --> 00:08:48.929 I think not taking it personally and always having positive regard. 00:08:49.499 --> 00:08:54.619 So, Dr. Daniel Siegel talks about the whole brain and the hand model. 00:08:54.869 --> 00:08:56.949 So when the kids, like flip their lid. 00:08:57.674 --> 00:09:03.654 And they're in that state of being highly dysregulated, they're not able to take 00:09:03.654 --> 00:09:05.114 in and understand what you're saying. 00:09:05.484 --> 00:09:09.704 So using less words and sometimes just being physically present. 00:09:10.324 --> 00:09:16.104 Less verbal interactions is a great way to support the children, helping them de 00:09:16.104 --> 00:09:20.604 escalate because they're going to feed off your energy if you're calm, if you're 00:09:21.174 --> 00:09:27.024 present and they're with them, it helps them to, sometimes de escalate quicker. 00:09:27.804 --> 00:09:31.354 But it also just depends on each individual child as 00:09:31.354 --> 00:09:32.724 how you would tackle that. 00:09:33.124 --> 00:09:35.934 Sometimes they might want you closer, sometimes for your own 00:09:35.934 --> 00:09:37.384 safety, you might need to be 00:09:37.385 --> 00:09:39.304 further away. 00:09:39.914 --> 00:09:46.059 I guess sometimes a lot of the kids I work with too, when they perceive they are in 00:09:46.989 --> 00:09:52.139 a stressful situation that's when they have that sometimes, intense reaction. 00:09:53.129 --> 00:09:57.599 So feeling like they have an exit, so not blocking the doorway, letting them feel 00:09:57.619 --> 00:10:00.599 like they have an out is a great way. 00:10:00.599 --> 00:10:04.849 So being in a position where you are safe yourself, cause you have 00:10:04.849 --> 00:10:09.519 to always keep yourself safe first, but still being where you are with 00:10:09.519 --> 00:10:12.079 the child, supporting them safely. 00:10:12.539 --> 00:10:13.719 If it was in my classroom 00:10:14.144 --> 00:10:19.184 if the children needed to evacuate, I'd always get them out first, um, stand 00:10:19.194 --> 00:10:24.274 in a spot near the door, but not near the child where they felt threatened. 00:10:24.594 --> 00:10:27.095 I think things like that are a great way. 00:10:27.304 --> 00:10:29.354 Same as if it's your child at home. 00:10:29.745 --> 00:10:33.555 Physical presence, you could be close to them, you could be further away 00:10:33.555 --> 00:10:36.075 but when you can start to see them de escalate is when you might 00:10:36.850 --> 00:10:41.360 begin to interact more, and start to get close to them if it's safe, 00:10:42.040 --> 00:10:47.529 I guess and sometimes it just takes time, like you said, give them time and 00:10:47.530 --> 00:10:51.739 just be there, but not let them feel threatened in any way that they still 00:10:51.740 --> 00:10:53.649 feel that they have an exit, as you said. 00:10:54.059 --> 00:10:58.690 And it's really difficult now having all these different situations that 00:10:58.690 --> 00:11:01.510 we as teachers have to deal with, but I think it's really important 00:11:01.520 --> 00:11:05.230 because we didn't learn all of this stuff at university, you know. 00:11:05.709 --> 00:11:09.659 So going on courses, like you did with Berry Street or listening 00:11:09.659 --> 00:11:15.140 to podcast episodes like this can really help educators think about 00:11:15.645 --> 00:11:20.195 possible students or parents that they have and give them some tips 00:11:20.195 --> 00:11:24.115 and strategies that they can use to deal with these situations because it 00:11:24.145 --> 00:11:25.855 is becoming more and more prevalent. 00:11:26.565 --> 00:11:31.095 Shana, tell me, what do you believe then is the most important elements for 00:11:31.095 --> 00:11:36.025 fostering this connection between children and their caregivers or educators? 00:11:36.495 --> 00:11:38.185 That's a really great question. 00:11:38.205 --> 00:11:40.964 I think connection is super important. 00:11:42.234 --> 00:11:46.435 To me, I think there's a lot of things that can develop and are 00:11:46.435 --> 00:11:48.035 important to build that connection. 00:11:48.345 --> 00:11:49.735 I think one of the things is respect. 00:11:50.670 --> 00:11:54.320 Is as a teacher, I always treated my students with respect. 00:11:54.850 --> 00:11:56.270 I didn't demand it back. 00:11:56.690 --> 00:12:01.830 Once I modeled how I treated them, how I saw them, that aided 00:12:01.929 --> 00:12:06.209 in me developing really strong connections with all of my students. 00:12:06.759 --> 00:12:10.580 That would be things like asking their permission to look in their 00:12:10.580 --> 00:12:13.720 books or write in their books because I view them as it's theirs. 00:12:14.445 --> 00:12:15.785 I would like to use it. 00:12:16.305 --> 00:12:19.375 I'm just trying to model it in a different way. 00:12:19.945 --> 00:12:22.085 If I wanted to borrow something else of theirs. 00:12:22.315 --> 00:12:26.605 The same as if they wanted to borrow something of mine within the classroom. 00:12:27.305 --> 00:12:33.545 I think besides respect being really present and giving your full attention 00:12:33.555 --> 00:12:37.945 is a great one because I can do this as a teacher and as a parent. 00:12:38.124 --> 00:12:41.714 Technology is so prevalent within our world as we were talking about 00:12:41.714 --> 00:12:44.144 before, and it has such an impact. 00:12:44.674 --> 00:12:46.844 So putting phones away. 00:12:47.604 --> 00:12:52.324 Even for five minutes, if that's all you can fit into your schedule, that's okay. 00:12:52.594 --> 00:12:56.894 But then your child or students know that you are really focused on them 00:12:57.274 --> 00:13:03.554 and getting to know them, talking with them, just spending time with them. 00:13:04.164 --> 00:13:12.384 So for me, I think, yeah, respect, time, focus, and being really present are really 00:13:12.694 --> 00:13:15.554 important to develop strong connections. 00:13:16.604 --> 00:13:17.804 I think you've nailed that. 00:13:17.874 --> 00:13:22.059 It is being present as so many of the children that I've spoken to 00:13:22.059 --> 00:13:26.019 one of their biggest gripes is that their parents don't listen to them. 00:13:26.059 --> 00:13:27.889 And when I say what do you mean they don't listen to you? 00:13:28.309 --> 00:13:33.949 Aah no because my mom's always on her phone and this is gospel truth exactly 00:13:33.949 --> 00:13:35.389 what children have shared with me. 00:13:35.839 --> 00:13:41.899 They don't feel listened to therefore they don't feel respected because you 00:13:41.899 --> 00:13:44.119 are not giving them your full attention. 00:13:44.419 --> 00:13:47.009 Now of course we know we've got things to do, you know, you've got to cook, 00:13:47.009 --> 00:13:48.209 you've got to do whatever, whatever. 00:13:48.499 --> 00:13:53.179 So you can't give a child 100 percent full attention 100 percent of the time. 00:13:53.669 --> 00:13:57.369 But I think when those moments when you're actually interacting with someone, 00:13:57.744 --> 00:14:02.204 that's important to put your phone away and I think Simon Sinek had something 00:14:02.204 --> 00:14:05.364 on social media where he put the phone in his hand and the minute you have 00:14:05.364 --> 00:14:09.694 the phone in your hand, the person that you're speaking to feels a little bit 00:14:09.694 --> 00:14:13.464 less, because they feel that they are not the most important person at the 00:14:13.464 --> 00:14:17.344 moment because you're more concerned with the message on your phone, right? 00:14:17.384 --> 00:14:18.874 Or whatever's going on on your phone. 00:14:19.264 --> 00:14:20.774 So that is crucial. 00:14:20.794 --> 00:14:22.394 I think that's really important. 00:14:23.014 --> 00:14:24.194 What you've just said there. 00:14:24.834 --> 00:14:28.964 I also think that purposeful language is really important. 00:14:28.974 --> 00:14:30.954 So how you are communicating things. 00:14:31.844 --> 00:14:35.084 So as you're saying, it's, you're not able to focus on your child 00:14:35.084 --> 00:14:36.384 a hundred percent of the time. 00:14:36.774 --> 00:14:38.314 That's, that's okay. 00:14:39.154 --> 00:14:42.994 Communicating when you can and when you have the time, making 00:14:42.994 --> 00:14:44.234 sure they understand that. 00:14:44.234 --> 00:14:49.524 So even with my child, I might say to them, I have five minutes available 00:14:49.524 --> 00:14:55.354 before I need to go and do X, Y, and Z. Let's play together for that time and 00:14:55.354 --> 00:14:56.834 then when I'm there, I'm really focused 00:14:56.834 --> 00:15:01.534 I'm really present when I'm needing to go and if it's a meeting, get ready 00:15:01.534 --> 00:15:05.765 for work, letting them know and it makes a lot of the transition smoother 00:15:05.815 --> 00:15:10.974 because they understand and know what you're doing and why because you have 00:15:11.314 --> 00:15:13.175 clearly communicated that with them. 00:15:13.875 --> 00:15:15.845 And that just rang a bell for me, Shana. 00:15:17.125 --> 00:15:20.625 I remember when my kids, I learned this so many years ago, and I 00:15:20.625 --> 00:15:22.095 remember when my boys were little. 00:15:22.605 --> 00:15:25.725 One of the things they said was, if you, let's say your kids are 00:15:25.725 --> 00:15:29.004 playing, and all of a sudden you've got to go, right, that's it, 00:15:29.234 --> 00:15:30.675 stop everything, we've got to go. 00:15:31.094 --> 00:15:35.505 And that just causes like, what the, you know, we are busy playing, and then 00:15:35.505 --> 00:15:37.825 you get that whole tantrum or whatever. 00:15:38.505 --> 00:15:41.315 Apparently the best thing to do is, to warn them. 00:15:41.325 --> 00:15:45.745 So in 10 minutes time, guys, we're going to be doing this and this and that. 00:15:45.795 --> 00:15:50.035 And we, I need you to be ready, start packing up or whatever it is, 00:15:50.044 --> 00:15:51.725 because in 10 minutes we're going. 00:15:52.065 --> 00:15:54.305 And then in five minutes, you give them another warning. 00:15:54.325 --> 00:15:56.025 It's five minutes to go, right? 00:15:56.025 --> 00:15:57.815 Start doing this now, start doing that. 00:15:57.845 --> 00:16:02.685 And I think that even in a classroom, that's important is to warn children that 00:16:03.170 --> 00:16:06.860 at this time, this is what's happening and this is what we'll be doing and I 00:16:06.860 --> 00:16:11.340 have found that when you do that in a classroom, the kids become real sticklers. 00:16:11.340 --> 00:16:15.819 Like, Mrs. Cottino, don't forget, it's now 10 o'clock and we have 00:16:15.820 --> 00:16:16.960 to do this and this and this. 00:16:16.999 --> 00:16:19.000 I'm going, great, thanks for reminding me. 00:16:20.245 --> 00:16:20.885 Which is funny. 00:16:21.795 --> 00:16:25.855 Yeah, they would be really if you warn them before and tell them 00:16:25.865 --> 00:16:26.995 what's going to be happening. 00:16:27.005 --> 00:16:28.395 Boy, they're so ready. 00:16:28.475 --> 00:16:28.735 Oh, yeah. 00:16:28.735 --> 00:16:29.045 Yeah. 00:16:29.105 --> 00:16:29.735 10 o'clock. 00:16:29.785 --> 00:16:31.225 You said this is going to happen. 00:16:31.245 --> 00:16:32.584 So it's happening, you know, 00:16:33.335 --> 00:16:37.954 Because I know, as we say, there's such diverse needs and 00:16:38.234 --> 00:16:39.654 abilities within the classroom. 00:16:39.964 --> 00:16:45.834 So I used to love having the visual timer, um, on the board so they knew each 00:16:45.854 --> 00:16:49.844 like lesson of the day, what times and pictures so they knew what was coming, 00:16:50.134 --> 00:16:54.599 talking about it in the morning so they knew what was happening when, but one 00:16:54.599 --> 00:16:59.359 of the things I really loved was I had a clock and you could turn it so it 00:16:59.359 --> 00:17:03.979 would count down and it would, block the time out in like covering a red 00:17:04.049 --> 00:17:06.629 cover and it just had a battery in it 00:17:06.629 --> 00:17:10.659 so when it got to 10 or 5 minutes, I would give them the warnings, 00:17:10.659 --> 00:17:12.589 but they also had the visual there. 00:17:12.809 --> 00:17:15.209 So they could also learn to self regulate. 00:17:15.789 --> 00:17:18.209 Um, so that was another great classroom strategy. 00:17:18.509 --> 00:17:21.569 And boy, did they all love, Oh, can we set the timer? 00:17:22.204 --> 00:17:25.214 And if I, if the timer went off and I didn't hear it, they 00:17:25.214 --> 00:17:26.744 were the ones who reminded me. 00:17:28.334 --> 00:17:33.944 So I think just these warnings, right, this is a great way to prevent escalation 00:17:33.984 --> 00:17:36.804 in children, because it also gives them a little bit of power, right? 00:17:36.834 --> 00:17:39.614 Cause they know now that this is what's going to be happening 00:17:39.644 --> 00:17:40.804 and they have to be ready. 00:17:41.184 --> 00:17:44.255 And I found that it's works very, very well with children. 00:17:44.984 --> 00:17:46.935 That is a very good strategy. 00:17:46.935 --> 00:17:47.315 And I hope a 00:17:47.365 --> 00:17:49.475 lot of people take that on board. 00:17:50.055 --> 00:17:57.165 Another thing I really find useful with my child as well is not just giving them 00:17:57.165 --> 00:18:00.465 the power, giving them the choice, feeling like they're in control of part of the 00:18:00.465 --> 00:18:03.265 situation is a really useful strategy. 00:18:03.655 --> 00:18:07.265 And I give him a warning, but sometimes when they're very young, 00:18:07.304 --> 00:18:09.724 they don't understand concepts of time. 00:18:10.084 --> 00:18:14.109 So I do find ahead of time, five or 10 minutes, we need to leave 00:18:14.109 --> 00:18:15.799 in the car in five minutes. 00:18:16.749 --> 00:18:20.209 I still say to him, because it's getting him used to concepts of time 00:18:20.209 --> 00:18:25.469 and things like that but what would you like to bring with you in the car? 00:18:25.729 --> 00:18:29.579 And quite often then they'll choose, things they want to take with them. 00:18:29.979 --> 00:18:30.179 Okay. 00:18:30.189 --> 00:18:33.249 Are you hopping in the car or would you like me to help you? 00:18:33.889 --> 00:18:35.549 Giving them the option first. 00:18:35.569 --> 00:18:38.789 And then it just makes that transition a lot smoother, as you say. 00:18:39.179 --> 00:18:42.529 Yeah, and it does give them the choice as well, you know, do you want to get 00:18:42.529 --> 00:18:44.309 in by yourself or shall I help you in? 00:18:44.599 --> 00:18:48.099 Yeah, that also has this little bit of effect of giving them some agency 00:18:48.099 --> 00:18:52.029 because you're giving them an option, you know That's right both ways you 00:18:52.039 --> 00:18:56.159 get what you want, but I think that they have they feel like they have a 00:18:56.159 --> 00:18:57.909 little bit of control which is amazing. 00:18:57.910 --> 00:19:01.530 As we've already spoken about that there are children today in this fast paced 00:19:01.610 --> 00:19:05.740 world of ours, and I think a lot of adults struggle to connect with children. 00:19:06.250 --> 00:19:10.340 We've already spoken about some of the strategies that they can use, but do you 00:19:10.340 --> 00:19:14.740 think there's anything else with someone's feeling quite disconnected from their 00:19:14.740 --> 00:19:17.330 child what is there that they can do? 00:19:17.680 --> 00:19:20.690 Uh, and it happens with classrooms and it happens in families. 00:19:21.100 --> 00:19:24.230 Adults sometimes they have this feeling that they're not connecting 00:19:24.290 --> 00:19:26.200 with their child or with their student. 00:19:26.790 --> 00:19:29.880 Do you have any advice for that and how they can build that 00:19:29.880 --> 00:19:33.420 connection again apart from just trying to be present and listening? 00:19:33.720 --> 00:19:35.400 Or is that just the best thing? 00:19:36.170 --> 00:19:42.295 I think that's part of it, but I also think having fun, so being present, 00:19:42.305 --> 00:19:47.025 putting technology away, if that's one of the, factors that's contributing 00:19:47.025 --> 00:19:52.635 to you feeling disconnected, pop it away, have fun, play games, be 00:19:52.655 --> 00:19:58.635 silly, tell jokes, have a dance party in the kitchen, you know, that 00:19:58.635 --> 00:20:00.555 releases all the positive endorphins. 00:20:00.935 --> 00:20:03.145 And that helps drive connection as well. 00:20:03.455 --> 00:20:07.005 So doing things like that, have a racing game, go on the 00:20:07.015 --> 00:20:10.485 trampoline, anything that helps. 00:20:11.035 --> 00:20:15.425 you to have fun with your child and just enjoy each other's company. 00:20:16.695 --> 00:20:17.485 I love that. 00:20:17.695 --> 00:20:19.005 We need a bit more fun in our 00:20:19.005 --> 00:20:19.295 lives yeah. 00:20:19.605 --> 00:20:20.495 We can never have enough. 00:20:20.495 --> 00:20:20.745 And children 00:20:20.755 --> 00:20:21.435 love fun. 00:20:21.435 --> 00:20:22.435 I mean, that's their big thing. 00:20:22.435 --> 00:20:22.785 They do. 00:20:22.845 --> 00:20:23.565 How was your day? 00:20:23.625 --> 00:20:24.825 Oh, it was so fun. 00:20:24.825 --> 00:20:25.985 You know, they love that. 00:20:26.005 --> 00:20:28.615 If it was just fun, that's, that's then, you know, that's 00:20:28.615 --> 00:20:30.045 all they need just to have fun. 00:20:30.055 --> 00:20:34.045 So if you can bring that into your life, I think that's half the battle, probably 00:20:34.045 --> 00:20:39.555 most of the battle won, you know, so that's, that's amazing advice there. 00:20:40.055 --> 00:20:46.380 Shana, lately we hear a lot about it on social media as well, is that children 00:20:46.450 --> 00:20:50.060 are very much lacking often in resilience. 00:20:50.280 --> 00:20:50.670 Yeah. 00:20:50.670 --> 00:20:54.190 What do you see the connection between resilience, or is there 00:20:54.190 --> 00:20:59.470 a connection between resilience and connection with caregivers? 00:20:59.870 --> 00:21:05.250 Does this connection and resilience, does it play a role in children 00:21:05.260 --> 00:21:07.250 having better resilience? 00:21:08.040 --> 00:21:08.850 Yeah, absolutely. 00:21:08.850 --> 00:21:09.690 I think it does. 00:21:09.720 --> 00:21:14.980 I think child development always comes down to connection and the relationship 00:21:15.040 --> 00:21:17.600 they have with the people closest to them. 00:21:18.370 --> 00:21:22.940 I think developing resilience and having an understanding of 00:21:23.000 --> 00:21:28.590 emotional intelligence, the basic things of what we've talked about, 00:21:28.890 --> 00:21:30.860 assisting children to regulate. 00:21:31.685 --> 00:21:36.145 Understanding that they're going to come across difficult situations, 00:21:36.655 --> 00:21:41.405 being okay with feeling uncomfortable and helping guide them through 00:21:41.425 --> 00:21:45.355 those, different challenges is big. 00:21:45.915 --> 00:21:49.965 I know that my child struggles with that, but a lot of modeling, I think, 00:21:49.965 --> 00:21:54.815 helps them to develop those skills so when you're faced with adversity. 00:21:55.315 --> 00:21:59.815 And how you regulate yourself, how you, the language you use. 00:22:00.125 --> 00:22:04.365 So even if I, for example, what did I do the other day? 00:22:04.365 --> 00:22:06.845 I lost my car keys again, which is quite regular. 00:22:08.225 --> 00:22:09.245 It's a sign of stress. 00:22:10.715 --> 00:22:10.915 Yeah. 00:22:10.965 --> 00:22:13.305 Oh, I've lost my, my keys again. 00:22:13.995 --> 00:22:16.085 I'm feeling really annoyed, frustrated. 00:22:16.435 --> 00:22:16.805 Okay. 00:22:16.805 --> 00:22:17.795 That's okay. 00:22:18.205 --> 00:22:21.085 I'm going to think about where I last saw them. 00:22:21.085 --> 00:22:22.875 Okay, where can I look first? 00:22:23.535 --> 00:22:24.065 Hmm. 00:22:24.725 --> 00:22:31.855 And just having that conversation with my son, and he's like, uh, the couch. 00:22:31.855 --> 00:22:33.225 Oh, that's a great idea. 00:22:33.495 --> 00:22:35.805 So now he's starting to help me. 00:22:36.025 --> 00:22:37.465 So we'd go and check the couch. 00:22:37.515 --> 00:22:38.395 Oh, they're not here. 00:22:38.475 --> 00:22:41.905 Okay, I might go and check my bag. 00:22:41.905 --> 00:22:42.805 Oh, we found them. 00:22:43.295 --> 00:22:44.035 Amazing. 00:22:44.275 --> 00:22:44.895 Now we can go. 00:22:45.835 --> 00:22:50.240 But it was just me doing that modeling, I guess how I felt 00:22:50.240 --> 00:22:55.070 talking through the situation and now he's starting to do the same. 00:22:55.120 --> 00:22:58.720 With bigger situations, you know, he's seen me become upset. 00:22:58.730 --> 00:23:04.570 He's seen me cry, and a lot of the time we practice skills when he's regulated. 00:23:05.440 --> 00:23:06.000 Oh, yeah. 00:23:06.560 --> 00:23:07.610 Which is a great thing. 00:23:07.610 --> 00:23:09.150 So when it's happening, I can do it. 00:23:09.640 --> 00:23:13.650 But he's also starting to naturally do it himself now, stamping his foot, 00:23:13.670 --> 00:23:15.750 curling his hands up into a fist. 00:23:16.370 --> 00:23:20.050 You know, if something happens that he's not happy with, he doesn't like. 00:23:20.350 --> 00:23:24.430 He's, they're always going to have those situations, but it's just helping him 00:23:24.430 --> 00:23:30.280 to navigate them a little bit easier and now he's quicker to respond with, 00:23:30.280 --> 00:23:36.150 Oh, okay, he's becoming more resilient because he's having that natural 00:23:36.150 --> 00:23:39.390 exposure and modeling from other people. 00:23:40.170 --> 00:23:40.410 Yeah. 00:23:40.410 --> 00:23:41.760 Modeling is so important. 00:23:41.780 --> 00:23:43.260 Yeah, absolutely. 00:23:44.580 --> 00:23:48.650 Because everything that we do and say and not do and not say, 00:23:48.730 --> 00:23:50.410 children pick up on those cues. 00:23:51.090 --> 00:23:56.470 So I think modeling is absolutely crucial when it comes to teaching kids how to 00:23:56.560 --> 00:24:01.000 navigate life and even how to learn. 00:24:01.420 --> 00:24:04.230 It's like that old explicit instruction, you have to actually 00:24:04.230 --> 00:24:05.800 show children how to do it. 00:24:05.800 --> 00:24:09.270 And I find that you've got to show them how to behave 00:24:09.290 --> 00:24:10.930 and how to handle situations. 00:24:11.230 --> 00:24:12.070 It's up to us. 00:24:12.100 --> 00:24:16.810 We are the North Star, so to speak, to help children learn and 00:24:17.135 --> 00:24:20.685 deal with all their issues and frustrations because they don't know, 00:24:20.735 --> 00:24:22.065 they don't have those skills yet. 00:24:22.095 --> 00:24:24.385 We actually have to teach that to them as adults. 00:24:24.765 --> 00:24:28.865 And the problem comes is if we ourselves don't know how to deal with our own 00:24:29.265 --> 00:24:31.265 issues and our own dysregulation. 00:24:31.755 --> 00:24:36.525 So I think very often we have to learn how to regulate ourselves first so that 00:24:36.525 --> 00:24:38.265 we can then teach that to children. 00:24:39.105 --> 00:24:41.055 And I just interviewed. 00:24:41.285 --> 00:24:45.345 some guests a couple of weeks ago and we were talking exactly about that, 00:24:45.355 --> 00:24:51.645 about how we as adults have to first learn those skills for ourselves so that 00:24:51.655 --> 00:24:56.135 we can teach the children because so often I think so many of us, especially 00:24:56.135 --> 00:25:01.995 of a certain generation, We never learned how to regulate ourselves. 00:25:02.035 --> 00:25:06.035 You know, uh, in my day, it was always children are seen and not heard. 00:25:06.455 --> 00:25:09.465 So we never learned how to, how do you regulate yourself? 00:25:09.485 --> 00:25:09.705 No. 00:25:09.715 --> 00:25:11.895 Well, if you've got a problem, you just scream and shout, right? 00:25:12.425 --> 00:25:15.495 Um, and that's just not helpful to anybody. 00:25:15.855 --> 00:25:17.665 So we really have to learn those skills. 00:25:17.665 --> 00:25:18.675 I think that's really 00:25:18.685 --> 00:25:19.545 very good advice. 00:25:20.215 --> 00:25:25.705 And I think being very self aware within yourself and learning to tune 00:25:25.705 --> 00:25:30.245 into your own body helps you become able to regulate, I guess, easier. 00:25:30.285 --> 00:25:34.355 And it's a skill that's, you know, you learn as you go. 00:25:35.225 --> 00:25:39.995 And it's one everyone can learn and it's one everyone can learn 00:25:39.995 --> 00:25:41.385 to manage in different ways. 00:25:42.155 --> 00:25:46.225 I guess one of the things that I think helps my son to become more resilient 00:25:46.235 --> 00:25:51.855 is since becoming a parent, I've had a bit of a lens shift, so to speak. 00:25:52.125 --> 00:25:56.805 So thinking about what I can do to help him be successful and set him up 00:25:57.185 --> 00:25:59.425 for success in all areas of his life. 00:26:00.235 --> 00:26:04.960 And one of the ways is by doing the modeling, making sure I'm very conscious 00:26:04.960 --> 00:26:09.610 of what I'm saying, what I'm doing with my actions, because everything, 00:26:09.680 --> 00:26:11.780 as we say, is picked up by them. 00:26:11.780 --> 00:26:15.060 Shana, if you could give one piece of advice to parents and 00:26:15.060 --> 00:26:18.430 educators about building connections with children, what would it 00:26:18.440 --> 00:26:18.870 be? 00:26:20.550 --> 00:26:23.710 I think if I could give one piece of advice, would be to slow 00:26:23.710 --> 00:26:26.010 down, slower than you think. 00:26:26.760 --> 00:26:30.620 Things with children, they take a long time to, process, but just by 00:26:31.100 --> 00:26:34.150 allowing enough time to do things. 00:26:34.670 --> 00:26:37.030 You know, the world at the moment is so fast paced. 00:26:37.780 --> 00:26:43.080 So taking the time to slow down, to really connect, to really engage, even if it's 00:26:43.720 --> 00:26:48.040 the routine of getting in the car, when, when appropriate, so not when you have 00:26:48.040 --> 00:26:54.670 to rush off to work, but slowing down, doing things together, allowing your kids 00:26:54.670 --> 00:26:59.410 the opportunity to have a bit of a say in what they're doing and how it's happening, 00:26:59.410 --> 00:27:03.530 with things like we were talking about before, hopping in the car, giving them 00:27:03.530 --> 00:27:07.230 the space to try and do it first before you step in and say, would you like 00:27:07.230 --> 00:27:10.830 to hop in, or would you like to help me if they're struggling a little bit? 00:27:11.340 --> 00:27:15.370 I think it's a really great way, and it helps to, I guess, lay the foundation 00:27:15.370 --> 00:27:21.320 to connect, to build respect, to have those situations where you can model 00:27:21.340 --> 00:27:25.920 things for them to learn, to help with regulation, to build resilience. 00:27:26.795 --> 00:27:28.685 Everything kind of, it's very layered. 00:27:28.715 --> 00:27:34.675 So once you start with the basic, develop the connection, develop the great 00:27:34.675 --> 00:27:38.745 relationship with each other, then you can start to do all of these other parts. 00:27:39.535 --> 00:27:43.045 You know, just thinking as you were talking there, when you rush kids, I 00:27:43.075 --> 00:27:47.795 think very often as a teacher, you see kids coming in the morning sometimes, 00:27:47.835 --> 00:27:49.885 and they're all over the place. 00:27:49.905 --> 00:27:54.055 And I think that often, if I think back to my time, when my kids were 00:27:54.055 --> 00:27:59.415 little, I think that comes from a rush in the mornings, hurry up, we're late, 00:27:59.465 --> 00:28:03.170 , where are your things, your school bag, your lunch, da, da, da, da, da. 00:28:03.210 --> 00:28:06.130 And I think that just whips everybody up into a frenzy. 00:28:06.140 --> 00:28:06.580 Yeah. 00:28:06.650 --> 00:28:10.150 And so I think that's wonderful advice is just to slow down. 00:28:10.150 --> 00:28:13.650 And so I often, I've trained my kids since they were little. 00:28:14.140 --> 00:28:18.020 The night before you put out your uniform, you put out your school bag, 00:28:18.050 --> 00:28:21.920 you pack your bag, you put in your homework, you get yourself organized. 00:28:21.920 --> 00:28:22.320 Right. 00:28:22.660 --> 00:28:24.090 So that in the morning. 00:28:24.485 --> 00:28:28.205 There isn't this big rush, which just gets everybody frazzled. 00:28:28.205 --> 00:28:32.405 And then by the time the kids come to school, the child's already crying and 00:28:32.405 --> 00:28:37.225 they're already, you know, heightened and dysregulated because things have 00:28:37.225 --> 00:28:38.905 just been so chaotic in the morning. 00:28:39.255 --> 00:28:43.295 So I think that that piece of advice to slow down is really, really, 00:28:43.295 --> 00:28:45.515 really valuable for everybody. 00:28:46.005 --> 00:28:50.880 And I think it helps us too, you know, If you slow down, it's such a, so much 00:28:50.880 --> 00:28:56.760 better to start your day in a nice, calm, even keeled way than to be all 00:28:56.770 --> 00:29:00.520 rushed and, chomping at the bit and everybody hurry up, hurry up, hurry up. 00:29:00.520 --> 00:29:05.120 And, and I don't think that's really a great way for anybody to start the day. 00:29:05.150 --> 00:29:05.820 So thank you for 00:29:05.820 --> 00:29:06.220 that. 00:29:06.610 --> 00:29:07.410 That's okay. 00:29:07.765 --> 00:29:12.345 And I think people forget sometimes that a lot of adults expect the same 00:29:12.345 --> 00:29:15.195 of children that they would have other adults and they forget that 00:29:15.195 --> 00:29:16.775 they're younger and still developing. 00:29:17.325 --> 00:29:23.045 And I myself hate it when I start the day feeling dysregulated and most of the 00:29:23.045 --> 00:29:24.805 time it has nothing to do with my son. 00:29:25.005 --> 00:29:26.955 It's just other things that have happened. 00:29:27.535 --> 00:29:29.645 So grounding myself and making sure. 00:29:30.025 --> 00:29:35.675 Within our morning routine, I allow enough time for us to connect first, before we 00:29:35.675 --> 00:29:40.835 do anything, organizing myself the night before, as you did with your children. 00:29:41.245 --> 00:29:46.345 Um, it all just helps most days for them to start. 00:29:47.100 --> 00:29:52.970 Positive, calm and connected, which to me, you know, as you say, it lays the 00:29:52.970 --> 00:29:55.780 way for the day to be more pleasant. 00:29:56.430 --> 00:29:57.030 Yes. 00:29:57.030 --> 00:30:00.660 Shana I think we're coming to the end, but I wanted to talk to you now about 00:30:00.660 --> 00:30:04.140 your job as a, or your role as an author. 00:30:04.380 --> 00:30:08.015 You have published books, which I am just so in awe of. 00:30:08.780 --> 00:30:14.010 Tell us a little bit about your books and how do they fit into this whole 00:30:14.010 --> 00:30:16.070 thing with connection with children? 00:30:16.590 --> 00:30:22.020 Absolutely, um, I found since having my child it just spurred a lot 00:30:22.020 --> 00:30:27.950 of creativity and it's been such a fun journey learning all about 00:30:27.960 --> 00:30:30.510 publishing and how to go about it. 00:30:30.510 --> 00:30:35.600 But my first book, Mama, I See You, kind of supports the child parent 00:30:35.620 --> 00:30:39.505 relationship when the child is newborn. 00:30:39.945 --> 00:30:44.195 It's kind of like a, as someone said to me once a snapshot of a 00:30:44.195 --> 00:30:48.955 really special moment in time when you are your baby's entire world. 00:30:49.885 --> 00:30:53.435 So in the middle of the night, one night it just popped into my head. 00:30:54.295 --> 00:30:57.650 And from there I ended up with the lovely story. 00:30:57.650 --> 00:30:58.600 I loved that time. 00:30:58.630 --> 00:31:04.270 It was to me, magical, also tricky as we have lots of things, you 00:31:04.270 --> 00:31:07.340 know, middle of the night, wake ups and feeds but I still loved it. 00:31:07.340 --> 00:31:12.210 I also wanted to make sure I created a bottle feeding version, because 00:31:12.210 --> 00:31:16.650 relationships and connections with mothers and children can still be developed 00:31:16.660 --> 00:31:20.680 it doesn't just depend on breastfeeding, so that was really important for 00:31:20.690 --> 00:31:22.460 me to have that representation. 00:31:22.930 --> 00:31:28.190 And I think the amazing illustrations within the book really reflect what 00:31:28.190 --> 00:31:31.580 I was trying to convey, cause the whole point of starting the book 00:31:31.580 --> 00:31:36.650 was to create books that support connection, but are created with heart. 00:31:37.060 --> 00:31:44.295 So they're created with, the idea of relationships are special and how we can 00:31:44.295 --> 00:31:48.705 support that, which kind of led me into my second book, which was called Don't Go. 00:31:49.445 --> 00:31:57.475 And it's about Joey, the koala and how he faces separation anxiety and how his 00:31:57.475 --> 00:32:05.775 mom supports him through this challenging situation and uses strategies such as, 00:32:05.795 --> 00:32:11.545 their close bond, reassurance, self regulation by co regulating with her. 00:32:12.295 --> 00:32:16.305 And it's a lovely little book, and there's some things I do in there with 00:32:16.305 --> 00:32:22.285 my own child that kind of, were the foundation for this story to be written 00:32:22.305 --> 00:32:27.515 and I love the little illustrations and I love how I used the animals 00:32:27.545 --> 00:32:31.505 because that's a great way for kids to understand storytelling as well. 00:32:32.055 --> 00:32:37.965 And I have more in the works, but time is, a factor being really busy. 00:32:39.055 --> 00:32:43.745 So I'm trying to do these well and trying to take my time to create resources 00:32:43.745 --> 00:32:48.295 that support these books for educators. 00:32:48.800 --> 00:32:50.910 and families to use with their children. 00:32:51.800 --> 00:32:52.520 Amazing. 00:32:53.230 --> 00:32:58.290 You know, just again, as you speak, I think of my own life really, and I was 00:32:58.300 --> 00:33:04.920 thinking about when my children, who are now 23 and 24, when they were babies. 00:33:05.230 --> 00:33:05.550 Yep. 00:33:06.105 --> 00:33:14.935 And feeding them, I was so lucky is that I did not have a phone and those times 00:33:14.935 --> 00:33:18.735 of feeding them, first breast and then bottle, I would always, of course, even 00:33:18.845 --> 00:33:21.125 with a bottle, hold them, feeding them. 00:33:21.915 --> 00:33:27.995 And I just remember staring at these beautiful little faces and noticing 00:33:28.005 --> 00:33:32.365 every day the little eyebrows coming out and the little lashes getting longer. 00:33:33.275 --> 00:33:38.705 And it was such a magical, magical time for me and I wouldn't change that for 00:33:38.785 --> 00:33:44.675 anything and I often now I sometimes see, you know, and it's not a judgment. 00:33:44.675 --> 00:33:49.165 It was just comparing it to myself Is it just what an what an amazing 00:33:49.165 --> 00:33:55.105 time it was Such a connection and I had no distractions. 00:33:55.115 --> 00:34:01.240 I was in the moment with my child and I sometimes I see young mums and 00:34:01.240 --> 00:34:04.820 they're feeding but they're also on their phones and I think to myself, 00:34:05.910 --> 00:34:07.780 it's such a missed opportunity. 00:34:08.190 --> 00:34:13.830 You know, it's so wonderful that just that simplicity of being in the moment. 00:34:13.860 --> 00:34:20.500 It's like when you're creating a work of art and it's just you and the medium. 00:34:20.500 --> 00:34:25.910 It's a type of therapy and you're not spreading yourself thin. 00:34:25.940 --> 00:34:27.860 You are just in that moment. 00:34:27.880 --> 00:34:33.090 And I think it's such a healthy way for us to be as well, especially when 00:34:33.090 --> 00:34:35.270 you're parenting, it can be so fraught. 00:34:35.690 --> 00:34:37.330 You're not getting enough sleep. 00:34:37.670 --> 00:34:40.040 There's so many demands, They're crying. 00:34:40.060 --> 00:34:44.280 And then you get these special moments of silence when they're feeding. 00:34:45.075 --> 00:34:50.145 And it's just this moment where you and your child can just be, and I 00:34:50.145 --> 00:34:53.565 used to absolutely love those moments. 00:34:53.995 --> 00:34:54.785 That's a treasure. 00:34:54.785 --> 00:34:59.135 So if anybody out here is listening, and you're a young mum, put away 00:34:59.135 --> 00:35:01.855 your phone and just be in the moment. 00:35:01.885 --> 00:35:05.685 Because, not just for the child, but for you too. 00:35:05.695 --> 00:35:09.775 I think that's, it's always something so powerful that stayed with me. 00:35:10.435 --> 00:35:14.020 Shana, before we go, what impact do you hope that your work that you're doing 00:35:14.020 --> 00:35:18.910 with your books that you're doing in your school, what's your hope that your work, 00:35:18.940 --> 00:35:23.660 the impact it'll leave on the way children are nurtured and taught for the future? 00:35:24.420 --> 00:35:29.890 I guess for me, it's rooted in why I became a teacher in the first 00:35:29.890 --> 00:35:35.420 place, trying to make the world a better place, even if it's one child, 00:35:35.750 --> 00:35:37.770 because it's that ripple effect. 00:35:37.820 --> 00:35:42.540 It's, their self belief, how they view others, their relationship with others. 00:35:42.600 --> 00:35:47.600 For a short period of time you develop such a close bond with the children you 00:35:47.600 --> 00:35:54.050 teach and I think that's really powerful and I hope that everything I'm doing can 00:35:54.060 --> 00:35:59.700 have the impact or it has the ability to support one child to feel like they 00:35:59.700 --> 00:36:01.720 are seen and that they are valued. 00:36:02.810 --> 00:36:05.710 And I hope it has that impact within my own, child as well. 00:36:05.710 --> 00:36:12.320 I'm sure it does because I can see that you are such a gentle, loving person 00:36:12.360 --> 00:36:18.120 and such a creative person and I'm sure that your gentleness really impacts your 00:36:18.120 --> 00:36:20.180 own child and those that you work with. 00:36:20.800 --> 00:36:25.210 So I think everything you're doing is just, is leaving such a valuable 00:36:25.230 --> 00:36:26.660 legacy for all the children. 00:36:26.660 --> 00:36:29.990 So I thank you on behalf of everybody and all the people's 00:36:29.990 --> 00:36:31.190 children that you deal with. 00:36:31.710 --> 00:36:32.220 Thank you very much. 00:36:32.290 --> 00:36:37.470 Sometimes, sometimes parents are often, so busy that you sometimes forget to say 00:36:37.480 --> 00:36:40.760 thank you, and think everything that you're doing is really, really powerful. 00:36:40.770 --> 00:36:44.820 So well done and congratulations on your books, which is just amazing. 00:36:45.260 --> 00:36:46.290 Thank you so much. 00:36:46.890 --> 00:36:49.600 So Shanna, thanks so much for being on Blooming Curious today. 00:36:49.650 --> 00:36:52.370 I think it's been a wonderful conversation and a one that I 00:36:52.380 --> 00:36:56.470 really hope touches the lives and hearts of so many people listening. 00:36:56.490 --> 00:36:56.830 So thank 00:36:56.840 --> 00:36:57.580 you so much. 00:36:58.370 --> 00:37:02.320 It's been a pleasure and I look forward to chatting with you again. 00:37:02.960 --> 00:37:04.160 So that was Shana Roberts. 00:37:04.190 --> 00:37:07.940 And listen, if you enjoyed this episode today, could you do me a favor? 00:37:08.010 --> 00:37:12.010 Please click that share button and share it with a colleague or friend 00:37:12.050 --> 00:37:16.450 or parent so that we can get this message that we have on Blooming 00:37:16.450 --> 00:37:18.750 Curious out to a lot more people. 00:37:19.050 --> 00:37:21.780 Until next week, I'll see you again next time. 00:37:21.850 --> 00:37:22.580 Same place. 00:37:22.960 --> 00:37:23.580 See you around. 00:37:24.260 --> 00:37:29.050 Today on Blooming Curious, we welcome Shana Roberts of Nurture Connect 00:37:29.100 --> 00:37:31.340 Play and the Talk and Coffee podcast. 00:37:31.750 --> 00:37:35.470 Shana is a mum, author, educator and podcast host. 00:37:35.480 --> 00:37:39.440 She helps educators and parents build deeper connections with children 00:37:39.730 --> 00:37:43.640 and helps them navigate difficult situations and big emotions. 00:37:44.020 --> 00:37:45.840 Welcome to Blooming Curious, Shana. 00:37:45.840 --> 00:37:47.210 It's wonderful to have you here. 00:37:47.920 --> 00:37:48.950 Thank you so much for having me. 00:37:48.950 --> 00:37:49.400 It's great 00:37:49.430 --> 00:37:50.250 to sit down and 00:37:50.250 --> 00:37:51.000 chat with you more. 00:37:51.785 --> 00:37:52.785 I know, it's just so great. 00:37:52.785 --> 00:37:56.935 I always say to people, you know, although I hate technology, I love technology in 00:37:56.935 --> 00:38:01.645 that it helps you connect with people from all over the world so easily. 00:38:01.645 --> 00:38:05.005 This would never have happened in days gone by. 00:38:05.045 --> 00:38:08.935 So we have to thank technology for these connections we can make. 00:38:08.935 --> 00:38:10.005 So that's really cool. 00:38:11.370 --> 00:38:15.390 So Shana you are very busy juggling teaching, being a mum, 00:38:15.420 --> 00:38:17.460 an author and a podcast host. 00:38:17.530 --> 00:38:22.140 So tell us a little bit about yourself and what led you to creating your website 00:38:22.170 --> 00:38:24.770 and Chalk and Coffee, your podcast. 00:38:25.300 --> 00:38:26.370 Absolutely. 00:38:26.670 --> 00:38:32.420 Well, I began in education about 20 years ago before I began 00:38:32.420 --> 00:38:33.940 my study to become a teacher. 00:38:34.490 --> 00:38:37.400 I Was first an SSO. 00:38:37.410 --> 00:38:42.240 So in South Australia, that's a service school services officer who supports 00:38:42.240 --> 00:38:45.980 children within the classroom and different roles within the school. 00:38:46.300 --> 00:38:49.660 And I wanted to do that to give me a really great foundation of 00:38:49.690 --> 00:38:51.640 understanding how a school works. 00:38:52.170 --> 00:38:57.740 And I guess, develop more connections with students and. 00:38:59.575 --> 00:39:04.065 I wanted to do that first before I went and did my teaching degree. 00:39:04.565 --> 00:39:10.255 So it was really great having the, um, experience, which helped me to 00:39:10.725 --> 00:39:15.585 understand more of what they were teaching us at university, because I 00:39:15.605 --> 00:39:20.235 think hands on experience is far more. 00:39:20.985 --> 00:39:25.995 Um, of a learning, I guess, a better way to understand and learn 00:39:25.995 --> 00:39:28.485 things than just through textbooks. 00:39:29.255 --> 00:39:32.235 So that's how I began working with children. 00:39:32.265 --> 00:39:36.455 And then from there, I've worked in education as a teacher for 00:39:36.795 --> 00:39:41.695 around 13 years, and I've been lucky to have been at the same 00:39:41.715 --> 00:39:43.305 school for the last approximately. 00:39:43.490 --> 00:39:45.320 10 to 11 years. 00:39:45.820 --> 00:39:52.510 And within that, it's a very complex site, um, with children from a range 00:39:52.510 --> 00:39:58.420 of different backgrounds, quite often with trauma or, um, disadvantage. 00:39:58.830 --> 00:40:05.020 So it's a very eye opening, um, and I think makes myself and others 00:40:05.020 --> 00:40:10.260 who I work with better educators, because we have to have more. 00:40:11.805 --> 00:40:17.765 Understanding more, um, support, more connection with the students. 00:40:18.810 --> 00:40:22.440 And from all of that, and then having my own child, I then developed my own 00:40:22.440 --> 00:40:28.020 business, which first started out as wild and free publishing, which I still have. 00:40:28.300 --> 00:40:34.980 And through there, I've published my books and more that are coming, but I 00:40:34.980 --> 00:40:36.950 wanted to also do something different. 00:40:36.960 --> 00:40:42.420 So have a space that was, I don't know, somewhere people could go. 00:40:43.010 --> 00:40:47.170 to find resources or just kind of learn about child development, 00:40:47.410 --> 00:40:51.840 ways that they can interact and support their children to thrive. 00:40:52.770 --> 00:40:55.280 And that's when Nurture Connect Play was born. 00:40:56.820 --> 00:40:57.460 That's amazing. 00:40:57.460 --> 00:41:01.450 And I think, especially now with everything that's changing in the 00:41:01.450 --> 00:41:05.760 world, yeah, regards, you know, we've become in quite a, a technological 00:41:05.760 --> 00:41:07.480 world as modern world of ours. 00:41:08.000 --> 00:41:13.265 And I think I see a lot of disconnect in the world now. 00:41:13.265 --> 00:41:15.885 So I think something that you're doing is just amazing. 00:41:16.145 --> 00:41:21.975 Helping people to have better connections with their children. 00:41:21.985 --> 00:41:26.195 Cause I see a lot of disconnect and even, you know, I've been teaching, 00:41:26.505 --> 00:41:29.575 I was teaching health as a specialist subject for a while, and that has 00:41:29.575 --> 00:41:32.985 a lot to do with making friends and 00:41:37.145 --> 00:41:40.665 it has a lot to do with making friends and just issues around. 00:41:41.385 --> 00:41:44.485 Um, the way children feel, you know, their whole, their emotions 00:41:44.885 --> 00:41:46.415 and how to deal with emotions. 00:41:47.025 --> 00:41:51.075 And when kids start opening up and they start talking to you about that, you 00:41:51.085 --> 00:41:55.535 realize very quickly that it's not just friendship issues that they have, but 00:41:55.535 --> 00:41:59.095 they also don't feel heard at home. 00:41:59.735 --> 00:42:02.905 Uh, and that's something that was very eye opening for me. 00:42:03.745 --> 00:42:08.235 So you can imagine, because I think of our busy lives, perhaps people are so 00:42:08.235 --> 00:42:12.935 busy that they're forgetting to connect with their children, that it's not 00:42:13.155 --> 00:42:17.185 just about providing all the physical stuff for your child, but also about 00:42:17.185 --> 00:42:21.275 providing and having that connection with children that's so important. 00:42:22.105 --> 00:42:25.735 Now Shana, you just You've said you've touched on trauma here, 00:42:25.855 --> 00:42:30.385 and I know that you say that you're a trauma informed educator. 00:42:30.525 --> 00:42:33.195 How, what does that mean? 00:42:33.195 --> 00:42:37.875 And can you share with us how that has helped you to help children thrive? 00:42:39.265 --> 00:42:40.325 Absolutely. 00:42:40.525 --> 00:42:47.975 There are so many, um, different frameworks that support teachers to 00:42:47.975 --> 00:42:50.965 become a trauma informed educator. 00:42:52.255 --> 00:42:55.265 And one of the ways that I was really lucky through my site to 00:42:55.265 --> 00:42:58.925 do that was to be trained through the Berry Street education model. 00:43:01.075 --> 00:43:06.390 Because we know that trauma impacts on children in different ways, and in in turn 00:43:06.400 --> 00:43:08.370 it affects their development and learning. 00:43:09.140 --> 00:43:14.760 So by understanding more about the whole child, um, I think it sets educators 00:43:14.760 --> 00:43:21.150 up to enable the school and learning space to really support them and help 00:43:21.210 --> 00:43:24.660 them in their educational, but the social emotional development as well. 00:43:25.370 --> 00:43:31.670 Um, so before I became trained through the Berry Street, I really resonated 00:43:31.690 --> 00:43:38.025 with the idea that Gabor Mati suggests about trauma and how it has the lasting 00:43:38.055 --> 00:43:43.825 impact on people, because we know that trauma can lead to reduced cognitive 00:43:43.825 --> 00:43:50.285 ability, um, difficulty with memory and concentration, language delays, but also 00:43:50.285 --> 00:43:55.255 really impacts the social and friendship issues, as you say, that you also taught 00:43:55.275 --> 00:43:57.255 through your health specialist role. 00:43:57.995 --> 00:44:01.845 Um, and I used to say that every day within my classroom and. 00:44:02.785 --> 00:44:06.885 students would struggle with all of those areas and also from the impacts, 00:44:06.925 --> 00:44:09.255 um, within their own home lives. 00:44:09.785 --> 00:44:16.415 So having this extra training assisted us within, especially my site and 00:44:16.435 --> 00:44:25.095 others that I know of to set up a more nurturing environment with specific 00:44:25.105 --> 00:44:27.315 strategies and supports we could use. 00:44:27.770 --> 00:44:30.390 To, I guess, 00:44:32.410 --> 00:44:34.560 support the students, um, 00:44:36.990 --> 00:44:38.480 you know, all around them. 00:44:38.490 --> 00:44:44.430 So, education and understanding more about their body and what is happening when 00:44:45.170 --> 00:44:47.340 they're faced with difficult situations. 00:44:47.410 --> 00:44:47.850 And 00:44:49.890 --> 00:44:56.680 I know that, um, Mattie's work suggests about healing requires compassion, 00:44:56.690 --> 00:44:58.360 self awareness and reconnection. 00:44:58.790 --> 00:45:04.260 And that's one of the ways, I guess, that we do that through Berry Street is. 00:45:04.735 --> 00:45:10.895 You understand where the children are at developmentally and teaching 00:45:10.895 --> 00:45:18.075 them through self regulation, through emotional regulation, through connection, 00:45:18.145 --> 00:45:21.525 different ways to, support them. 00:45:21.655 --> 00:45:26.645 And, I guess one of the foundations that we do that is, it's rooted in 00:45:26.645 --> 00:45:29.945 the idea that you need to have strong relationships with your children. 00:45:30.175 --> 00:45:32.115 So, connection is one. 00:45:32.205 --> 00:45:35.465 Understanding who they are, seeing them as a whole person. 00:45:35.725 --> 00:45:39.935 That sometimes the behaviours they represent um, it's not about them, it's 00:45:39.935 --> 00:45:45.855 not about us, it's just a, a sign of something else going on underneath. 00:45:46.255 --> 00:45:53.640 Um, so Teaching them how to de escalate self regulation, looking at the 00:45:53.890 --> 00:45:59.680 factors that their body is doing, um, understanding what their triggers are, you 00:45:59.680 --> 00:46:08.210 know, what kind of, if they display the fight, flight, freeze symptoms, um, and 00:46:08.210 --> 00:46:11.240 how you can set up your entire classroom. 00:46:11.690 --> 00:46:17.550 To support that is a really great, um, education model and one that I highly 00:46:17.550 --> 00:46:24.450 recommend that any educators willing to go and do to investigate and learn about. 00:46:25.645 --> 00:46:29.915 Yeah, you know, and this is something that so many of us now 00:46:29.945 --> 00:46:34.195 in schools all over have classrooms with children with diverse needs. 00:46:34.195 --> 00:46:34.555 Absolutely. 00:46:34.555 --> 00:46:39.405 And I wonder if you could just, just give us one, um, you talked about 00:46:39.415 --> 00:46:42.815 these strategies that you're using that you've learned through Berry Street. 00:46:43.275 --> 00:46:44.425 And I was just thinking about dysregulation. 00:46:44.505 --> 00:46:49.215 Dysregulation is such a massive one now, I think, with, you know, we're 00:46:49.215 --> 00:46:52.605 seeing more and more children with diverse needs and often I think 00:46:52.615 --> 00:46:54.615 dysregulation is something that happens. 00:46:54.615 --> 00:46:55.105 Yeah. 00:46:55.270 --> 00:47:00.010 Could you give one example of how you would deal or a tip for a teacher or 00:47:00.010 --> 00:47:05.190 even a parent listening, how you could deal with a child who is dysregulated? 00:47:05.510 --> 00:47:09.720 I think not taking it personally and always having positive regard. 00:47:10.290 --> 00:47:15.410 So, Dr. Daniel Siegel talks about the whole brain and the hand model. 00:47:15.660 --> 00:47:17.330 So when the kids, flip their lid. 00:47:18.055 --> 00:47:21.595 And they're in that state of being highly dysregulated. 00:47:21.965 --> 00:47:25.495 They're not able to take in and understand what you're saying. 00:47:25.865 --> 00:47:33.265 So using less words and sometimes just being physically present and less, Verbal 00:47:33.285 --> 00:47:37.785 interactions is a great way to support the children, helping them de escalate 00:47:37.815 --> 00:47:42.945 because they're going to feed off your energy if you're calm, if you're present 00:47:43.105 --> 00:47:49.565 and they're with them, it helps them to, um, sometimes de escalate quicker. 00:47:50.345 --> 00:47:53.895 But it also just depends on each individual child as 00:47:53.895 --> 00:47:55.265 how you would tackle that. 00:47:55.665 --> 00:47:58.475 Sometimes they might want you closer, sometimes for your own 00:47:58.475 --> 00:47:59.925 safety, you might need to be 00:47:59.925 --> 00:48:01.215 further 00:48:01.295 --> 00:48:01.845 away. 00:48:02.295 --> 00:48:09.305 Um, I guess sometimes a lot of the kids I work with too, when they perceive 00:48:09.650 --> 00:48:12.960 They are in a stressful situation. 00:48:12.960 --> 00:48:18.160 That's when they have that sometimes, um, intense reaction. 00:48:19.150 --> 00:48:23.620 So feeling like they have an exit, so not blocking the doorway, letting them feel 00:48:23.640 --> 00:48:26.620 like they have an out is a great way. 00:48:26.620 --> 00:48:31.740 So being in a position where you are safe yourself, cause you have 00:48:31.740 --> 00:48:36.410 to always keep yourself safe first, but still being where you are with 00:48:36.410 --> 00:48:38.970 the child, supporting them safely. 00:48:39.480 --> 00:48:43.060 Um, if I, if it was in my classroom. 00:48:43.485 --> 00:48:48.525 If the children needed to evacuate, I'd always get them out first, um, stand 00:48:48.535 --> 00:48:53.615 in a spot near the door, but not near the child where they felt threatened. 00:48:53.625 --> 00:48:54.605 Threatened, yeah. 00:48:54.675 --> 00:48:55.195 Yeah. 00:48:56.205 --> 00:48:58.705 I think things like that are a great way. 00:48:58.915 --> 00:49:02.225 Same as if it's your child at home. 00:49:02.445 --> 00:49:08.305 Um, physical presence, you could be close to them, you could be further away. 00:49:09.605 --> 00:49:12.125 But when you can start to see them de escalate is when you might. 00:49:12.900 --> 00:49:18.900 Begin to interact more, um, and start to get close to them if it's safe, 00:49:19.580 --> 00:49:19.900 I guess. 00:49:19.900 --> 00:49:25.710 And sometimes it just takes time, like you said, give them time and just be 00:49:25.710 --> 00:49:33.040 there, but not, but not just be there, but not let them feel threatened in 00:49:33.040 --> 00:49:36.270 any way that they still feel that they have an exit, as you said. 00:49:36.680 --> 00:49:39.390 And it's really difficult now having all these. 00:49:40.100 --> 00:49:44.350 Um, different situations that we as teachers have to deal with, but I think 00:49:44.350 --> 00:49:48.600 it's really important because we didn't learn all of this stuff at university, 00:49:48.600 --> 00:49:52.970 you know, so going on courses, I guess, like you did with Berry Street or 00:49:53.280 --> 00:49:59.220 listening to podcast episodes like this can really help educators think about. 00:49:59.725 --> 00:50:04.575 possible students or, you know, parents that they have and give them some tips 00:50:04.575 --> 00:50:08.495 and strategies that they can use to deal with these situations because it 00:50:08.525 --> 00:50:10.235 is becoming more and more prevalent. 00:50:10.945 --> 00:50:18.625 Um, Shana, tell me, what do you believe then is the most important elements for 00:50:18.625 --> 00:50:23.555 fostering this connection between children and their caregivers or educators? 00:50:24.075 --> 00:50:29.690 Because I think, as you've just said, That connection is the thing that perhaps 00:50:30.270 --> 00:50:32.930 helps children de escalate, right? 00:50:34.650 --> 00:50:38.680 So, what do you believe are the most important elements of fostering this 00:50:38.700 --> 00:50:41.300 connection between children and adults? 00:50:42.660 --> 00:50:44.350 That's a really great question. 00:50:44.370 --> 00:50:48.780 I think connection is super important. 00:50:50.050 --> 00:50:54.250 To me, I think there's a lot of things that can develop and are 00:50:54.250 --> 00:50:55.850 important to build that connection. 00:50:56.160 --> 00:50:57.550 I think one of the things is respect. 00:50:58.485 --> 00:51:03.985 Is as a teacher, I always, um, treated my students with respect. 00:51:04.515 --> 00:51:05.935 I didn't demand it back. 00:51:06.355 --> 00:51:12.125 Once I modeled how I treated them, how I saw them, um, that aided 00:51:12.225 --> 00:51:16.505 in me developing really strong connections with all of my students. 00:51:17.105 --> 00:51:21.095 Um, that would be things like asking their permission to look in 00:51:21.095 --> 00:51:24.405 their books or write in their books because I view them as it's theirs. 00:51:25.130 --> 00:51:26.470 I would like to use it. 00:51:26.990 --> 00:51:30.060 I'm just trying to model it in a different way. 00:51:30.680 --> 00:51:33.090 Um, if I wanted to borrow something else of theirs. 00:51:33.320 --> 00:51:37.610 The same as if they wanted to borrow something of mine within the classroom. 00:51:38.150 --> 00:51:40.390 Um, I think. 00:51:41.080 --> 00:51:47.530 Besides respect being really present and giving, giving your full attention 00:51:47.540 --> 00:51:52.600 is a great one because I can do this as a teacher and as a parent, um, 00:51:52.930 --> 00:51:56.520 technology is so prevalent within our world as we were talking about 00:51:56.520 --> 00:51:58.950 before, and it has such an impact. 00:51:59.480 --> 00:52:01.650 So putting phones away. 00:52:02.410 --> 00:52:07.130 Even for five minutes, if that's all you can fit into your schedule, that's okay. 00:52:07.400 --> 00:52:11.700 But then your child or students know that you are really focused on them 00:52:12.080 --> 00:52:18.360 and getting to know them, talking with them, just spending time with them. 00:52:18.970 --> 00:52:27.190 So for me, I think, yeah, respect, time, focus, and being really present are really 00:52:27.500 --> 00:52:30.360 important to develop strong connections. 00:52:31.410 --> 00:52:32.350 I think that is, 00:52:32.740 --> 00:52:33.940 I think you've nailed that. 00:52:34.010 --> 00:52:34.630 It is. 00:52:35.025 --> 00:52:38.375 Being present as so many of the children that I've spoken to one 00:52:38.375 --> 00:52:43.535 of their biggest gripes is that Their parents don't listen to them. 00:52:43.575 --> 00:52:44.515 And when I say what do you mean? 00:52:44.525 --> 00:52:47.885 They don't listen to you Aah no because my mom's always on her phone 00:52:48.495 --> 00:52:52.905 and This is gospel truth exactly what children have shared with me. 00:52:53.355 --> 00:52:59.415 They don't feel listened to therefore they don't feel respected because you 00:52:59.415 --> 00:53:01.635 are not giving them your full attention. 00:53:01.935 --> 00:53:04.525 Now of course we know we've got things to do, you know, you've got to cook, 00:53:04.525 --> 00:53:05.725 you've got to do whatever, whatever. 00:53:06.015 --> 00:53:10.695 So you can't give a child 100 percent full attention 100 percent of the time. 00:53:11.185 --> 00:53:14.885 But I think when those moments when you're actually interacting with someone, 00:53:15.260 --> 00:53:19.720 That's important to put your phone away and I think Simon Sinek had something 00:53:19.720 --> 00:53:22.880 on social media where he put the phone in his hand and the minute you have 00:53:22.880 --> 00:53:27.210 the phone in your hand, the person that you're speaking to feels a little bit 00:53:27.210 --> 00:53:30.980 less because they feel that they are not the most important person at the 00:53:30.980 --> 00:53:34.860 moment because you're more concerned with the message on your phone, right? 00:53:34.900 --> 00:53:36.390 Or whatever's going on on your phone. 00:53:36.780 --> 00:53:38.290 So that is crucial. 00:53:38.310 --> 00:53:39.910 I think that's really important. 00:53:40.530 --> 00:53:41.060 What you've just 00:53:41.060 --> 00:53:41.710 said there. 00:53:42.350 --> 00:53:46.480 I also think that purposeful language is really important. 00:53:46.490 --> 00:53:48.470 So how you are communicating things. 00:53:49.010 --> 00:53:53.810 Um, so as you're saying, it's, you're not able to focus on your 00:53:53.810 --> 00:53:55.360 child a hundred percent of the time. 00:53:55.750 --> 00:53:57.290 That's, that's okay. 00:53:58.130 --> 00:54:01.970 Communicating when you can and when you have the time, making 00:54:01.970 --> 00:54:03.210 sure they understand that. 00:54:03.210 --> 00:54:08.800 So even with my child, I might say to them, I have five minutes 00:54:08.800 --> 00:54:12.740 available before I need to go and do X, Y, and Z. Um, let's. 00:54:13.430 --> 00:54:17.970 Play together for that time and then when I need to go, you know, I'm, but 00:54:17.990 --> 00:54:19.360 when I'm there, I'm really focused. 00:54:19.360 --> 00:54:24.700 I'm really present when I'm needing to go and if it's a meeting, get ready for work. 00:54:24.760 --> 00:54:31.450 Um, letting them know and it makes a lot of the transition smoother 00:54:31.500 --> 00:54:36.660 because they understand and know what you're doing and why because you have 00:54:37.000 --> 00:54:38.860 clearly communicated that with them. 00:54:40.365 --> 00:54:41.205 And that just rang 00:54:41.205 --> 00:54:42.335 a bell for me, Shana. 00:54:43.615 --> 00:54:47.115 I remember when my kids, I learned this so many years ago, and I 00:54:47.115 --> 00:54:48.585 remember when my boys were little. 00:54:49.095 --> 00:54:52.215 One of the things they said was, if you, let's say your kids are 00:54:52.215 --> 00:54:55.495 playing, and all of a sudden you've got to go, right, that's it, 00:54:55.725 --> 00:54:57.165 stop everything, we've got to go. 00:54:57.585 --> 00:55:01.995 And that just causes like, what the, you know, we are busy playing, and then 00:55:01.995 --> 00:55:04.315 you get that whole tantrum or whatever. 00:55:04.995 --> 00:55:07.805 Apparently the best thing to do is, to warn them. 00:55:07.815 --> 00:55:12.235 So in 10 minutes time, guys, we're going to be doing this and this and that. 00:55:12.285 --> 00:55:16.525 And we, I need you to be ready, start packing up or whatever it is, 00:55:16.535 --> 00:55:18.215 because in 10 minutes we're going. 00:55:18.555 --> 00:55:20.795 And then in five minutes, you give them another warning. 00:55:20.815 --> 00:55:22.515 It's five minutes to go, right? 00:55:22.515 --> 00:55:24.305 Start doing this now, start doing that. 00:55:24.335 --> 00:55:29.175 And I think that even in a classroom, that's important is to warn children that. 00:55:29.660 --> 00:55:33.350 At this time, this is what's happening and this is what we'll be doing and I 00:55:33.350 --> 00:55:37.830 have found that when you do that in a classroom, the kids become real sticklers. 00:55:37.830 --> 00:55:42.310 Like, Mrs. Cottino don't forget, it's now 10 o'clock and we have 00:55:42.310 --> 00:55:43.450 to do this and this and this. 00:55:43.490 --> 00:55:45.490 I'm going, great, thanks for reminding me. 00:55:46.735 --> 00:55:47.375 Which is funny. 00:55:48.285 --> 00:55:52.345 Yeah, they would be really if you warn them before and tell them 00:55:52.355 --> 00:55:53.485 what's going to be happening. 00:55:53.495 --> 00:55:54.885 Boy, they're so ready. 00:55:54.965 --> 00:55:55.225 Oh, yeah. 00:55:55.225 --> 00:55:55.535 Yeah. 00:55:55.595 --> 00:55:56.225 10 o'clock. 00:55:56.275 --> 00:55:57.715 You said this is going to happen. 00:55:57.735 --> 00:55:59.075 So it's happening, you know, 00:56:00.425 --> 00:56:08.655 because I know, um, as we say, there's such diverse needs and 00:56:08.935 --> 00:56:10.355 abilities within the classroom. 00:56:10.665 --> 00:56:15.495 So I used to love having the visual timer, um, on the board so they knew 00:56:16.065 --> 00:56:20.145 Each like lesson of the day, what times and pictures So they knew what was 00:56:20.145 --> 00:56:22.255 coming, talking about it in the morning. 00:56:22.255 --> 00:56:23.005 So they knew. 00:56:23.430 --> 00:56:26.940 What was happening when, but one of the things I really loved was I had a 00:56:26.980 --> 00:56:33.970 clock and you could turn it so it would count down and it would, um, block 00:56:33.990 --> 00:56:39.180 the time out in like covering a red cover and it just had a battery in it. 00:56:39.180 --> 00:56:43.210 So when it got to 10 or 5 minutes, I would give them the warnings, 00:56:43.210 --> 00:56:45.140 but they also had the visual there. 00:56:45.360 --> 00:56:47.760 So they could also learn to self regulate. 00:56:48.340 --> 00:56:50.760 Um, so that was another great classroom strategy. 00:56:51.060 --> 00:56:54.120 And boy, did they all love, Oh, can we set the timer? 00:56:54.755 --> 00:56:57.765 And if I, if the timer went off and I didn't hear it, they 00:56:57.765 --> 00:56:59.295 were the ones who reminded me. 00:57:00.885 --> 00:57:01.175 So 00:57:01.175 --> 00:57:04.735 I think just these warnings, right, this is a great way to. 00:57:05.135 --> 00:57:06.615 prevent DS. 00:57:06.635 --> 00:57:10.945 This is a great way to prevent escalation in children. 00:57:11.015 --> 00:57:13.945 Uh, if you give them, because it also gives them a little bit of power, right? 00:57:13.975 --> 00:57:16.755 Cause they know now that this is what's going to be happening 00:57:16.785 --> 00:57:17.945 and they have to be ready. 00:57:18.325 --> 00:57:22.045 And I found that that is, it's works very, very well with children. 00:57:22.775 --> 00:57:24.725 That is a very good strategy. 00:57:24.725 --> 00:57:25.105 And I hope a 00:57:25.155 --> 00:57:27.265 lot of people take that on board. 00:57:27.845 --> 00:57:30.555 Another thing I really find useful with my. 00:57:30.975 --> 00:57:36.715 Child as well is not just giving them the power, giving them the choice, feeling 00:57:36.715 --> 00:57:41.055 like they're in control of part of the situation is a really useful strategy. 00:57:41.445 --> 00:57:45.055 And I give him a warning, but sometimes when they're very young, 00:57:45.095 --> 00:57:47.515 they don't understand concepts of time. 00:57:47.925 --> 00:57:48.165 Cool. 00:57:48.175 --> 00:57:51.085 So I do find ahead of time, five or 10 minutes. 00:57:51.480 --> 00:57:53.890 We need to leave in the car in five minutes. 00:57:54.840 --> 00:57:57.800 I still say to him, because it's getting him used to concepts 00:57:57.800 --> 00:57:59.160 of time and things like that. 00:57:59.670 --> 00:58:03.940 but Um, what would you like to bring with you in the car? 00:58:04.200 --> 00:58:09.200 And quite often then they'll choose, um, things they want to take with them. 00:58:09.600 --> 00:58:09.800 Okay. 00:58:09.810 --> 00:58:12.870 Are you hopping in the car or would you like me to help you? 00:58:13.510 --> 00:58:15.170 Giving them the option first. 00:58:15.190 --> 00:58:16.730 And then it just makes that transition. 00:58:16.730 --> 00:58:20.850 And I guess, um, a lot smoother, as you say. 00:58:21.240 --> 00:58:24.590 Yeah, and it does give them the choice as well, you know, do you want to get 00:58:24.590 --> 00:58:26.370 in by yourself or shall I help you in? 00:58:26.660 --> 00:58:30.160 Yeah, that also has this little bit of effect of giving them some agency 00:58:30.160 --> 00:58:34.220 because you're giving them an option, you know That's right both ways you get 00:58:34.230 --> 00:58:38.440 what you want, but I think that they have they feel like they have a little 00:58:38.460 --> 00:58:45.620 bit of control Which is amazing Do you think As we've already spoken about that 00:58:45.620 --> 00:58:50.160 there are children today in this fast paced world of ours, and I think a lot of 00:58:50.530 --> 00:58:52.600 adults struggle to connect with children. 00:58:53.110 --> 00:58:56.510 We've already spoken about some of the strategies that they can use, 00:58:56.510 --> 00:59:00.510 but do you think there's anything else with someone's feeling quite 00:59:00.510 --> 00:59:02.240 disconnected from their child? 00:59:04.010 --> 00:59:05.960 What is there that they can do? 00:59:06.310 --> 00:59:09.320 Uh, and it happens with classrooms and it happens in families. 00:59:09.730 --> 00:59:12.170 Adults have this, sometimes they have this feeling that they're 00:59:12.170 --> 00:59:15.740 not connecting with their, with their child or with their student. 00:59:16.330 --> 00:59:19.420 Do you have any advice for that and how they can build that 00:59:19.420 --> 00:59:22.960 connection again apart from just trying to be present and listening? 00:59:23.260 --> 00:59:24.940 Or is that just the best thing? 00:59:25.710 --> 00:59:31.835 I think that's Part of it, but I also think having fun, so being present, 00:59:31.845 --> 00:59:38.005 putting technology away, if that's one of the, um, factors that's contributing 00:59:38.005 --> 00:59:45.725 to you feeling disconnected, um, yeah, pop it away, have fun, play games, 00:59:45.765 --> 00:59:51.945 be silly, tell jokes, have a dance party in the kitchen, you know, that 00:59:51.945 --> 00:59:53.865 releases all the positive endorphins. 00:59:54.245 --> 00:59:56.455 And that helps drive connection as well. 00:59:56.765 --> 01:00:01.185 So doing things like that, um, have a racing game, go on the 01:00:01.195 --> 01:00:04.665 trampoline, anything that helps. 01:00:05.215 --> 01:00:09.605 you to have fun with your child and just enjoy each other's company. 01:00:10.875 --> 01:00:11.665 I love that. 01:00:11.875 --> 01:00:13.185 We need a bit more fun in our 01:00:13.185 --> 01:00:13.475 lives Yeah. 01:00:13.785 --> 01:00:14.675 We can never have enough. 01:00:14.675 --> 01:00:14.925 And children 01:00:14.935 --> 01:00:15.615 love fun. 01:00:15.615 --> 01:00:16.615 I mean, that's their big thing. 01:00:16.615 --> 01:00:16.965 They do. 01:00:17.025 --> 01:00:17.745 How was your day? 01:00:17.805 --> 01:00:19.005 Oh, it was so fun. 01:00:19.005 --> 01:00:20.165 You know, they love that. 01:00:20.185 --> 01:00:22.795 If it was just fun, that's, that's then, you know, that's 01:00:22.795 --> 01:00:24.225 all they need just to have fun. 01:00:24.235 --> 01:00:28.225 So if you can bring that into your life, I think that's half the battle, probably 01:00:28.225 --> 01:00:33.735 most of the battle won, you know, so that's, that's amazing advice there. 01:00:35.985 --> 01:00:39.985 Um, I love the fact that we can edit. 01:00:40.905 --> 01:00:41.415 Oh, I know. 01:00:44.265 --> 01:00:45.045 We've done that. 01:00:48.125 --> 01:00:50.675 I'm just looking because we've covered a lot of these questions that I 01:00:50.685 --> 01:00:52.495 have actually already spoken about. 01:00:52.495 --> 01:00:54.425 So it's so nice being able to do this, Shana. 01:00:54.915 --> 01:00:58.005 Um, we've done that. 01:00:58.435 --> 01:00:59.845 Oh, yeah, this is a good one. 01:01:01.565 --> 01:01:07.890 Shana, lately We hear a lot about it on social media as well, is that children 01:01:07.960 --> 01:01:11.570 are very much lacking often in resilience. 01:01:11.790 --> 01:01:12.180 Yeah. 01:01:13.990 --> 01:01:17.510 What do you see the connection between resilience, or is there 01:01:17.510 --> 01:01:22.790 a connection between resilience and connection with caregivers? 01:01:23.190 --> 01:01:28.570 Does this connection and resilience, does it play a role in children 01:01:28.580 --> 01:01:30.570 having better resilience? 01:01:31.960 --> 01:01:32.770 Yeah, absolutely. 01:01:32.770 --> 01:01:33.610 I think it does. 01:01:33.640 --> 01:01:34.240 I think. 01:01:35.665 --> 01:01:41.915 Child development always comes down to connection and the relationship they 01:01:41.915 --> 01:01:44.285 have with the people closest to them. 01:01:45.105 --> 01:01:50.685 Um, I think developing resilience and having an understanding of emotional 01:01:50.685 --> 01:01:56.075 intelligence, the basic things of what we've talked about, you know, 01:01:56.225 --> 01:01:59.945 um, assisting children to regulate. 01:02:01.370 --> 01:02:05.830 Understanding that they're going to come across difficult situations, 01:02:06.340 --> 01:02:11.520 being okay with feeling uncomfortable and helping guide them through those, 01:02:11.570 --> 01:02:16.500 um, different challenges is big. 01:02:17.110 --> 01:02:24.090 Um, I know that my child struggles with that, but a lot of modeling, I think, 01:02:24.090 --> 01:02:29.720 helps them, um, to develop those skills so when you're faced with adversity. 01:02:30.220 --> 01:02:36.230 And how you regulate yourself, how you, the language you use. 01:02:36.300 --> 01:02:42.080 Um, so even if I, for example, what did I do the other day? 01:02:43.000 --> 01:02:45.480 I lost my car keys again, which is quite regular. 01:02:47.260 --> 01:02:48.280 It's a sign of stress. 01:02:49.750 --> 01:02:49.950 Yeah. 01:02:50.710 --> 01:02:55.290 Um, but my, you know, Oh, I've lost my, my keys again. 01:02:55.980 --> 01:02:58.070 I'm feeling really annoyed, frustrated. 01:02:58.420 --> 01:02:58.790 Okay. 01:02:59.715 --> 01:03:00.705 That's okay. 01:03:01.115 --> 01:03:03.995 I'm going to think about where I last saw them. 01:03:05.785 --> 01:03:07.575 Okay, where can I look first? 01:03:08.235 --> 01:03:08.765 Hmm. 01:03:09.425 --> 01:03:13.025 And just having that conversation with my son. 01:03:13.955 --> 01:03:17.485 And he's like, uh, the couch. 01:03:18.475 --> 01:03:19.845 Oh, that's a great idea. 01:03:20.115 --> 01:03:22.425 So now he's starting to help me. 01:03:22.645 --> 01:03:24.085 So we'd go and check the couch. 01:03:24.135 --> 01:03:25.015 Oh, they're not here. 01:03:25.095 --> 01:03:28.525 Okay, I might go and check my bag. 01:03:30.370 --> 01:03:31.270 Oh, we found them. 01:03:31.760 --> 01:03:32.500 Amazing. 01:03:32.740 --> 01:03:33.360 Now we can go. 01:03:34.060 --> 01:03:39.540 Um, but it was just me doing that modeling, I guess. 01:03:39.975 --> 01:03:46.625 How I felt talking through the situation and now he's starting to do the same. 01:03:48.165 --> 01:03:52.985 Um, with bigger situations, you know, he's seen me become upset. 01:03:52.995 --> 01:03:54.145 He's seen me cry. 01:03:55.945 --> 01:04:00.335 And a lot of the time we practice skills when he's regulated. 01:04:01.205 --> 01:04:01.765 Oh, yeah. 01:04:02.325 --> 01:04:03.375 Which is a great thing. 01:04:03.375 --> 01:04:06.435 So when it's happening, I can do it. 01:04:06.925 --> 01:04:10.935 But he's also starting to naturally do it himself now, stamping his foot. 01:04:11.900 --> 01:04:18.580 Um, curling his hands up into a fist, um, you know, if something happens that 01:04:18.790 --> 01:04:22.880 he's not happy with, he doesn't like, you know, he's, they're always going to have 01:04:22.880 --> 01:04:28.210 those situations, but it's just helping him to navigate them a little bit easier 01:04:29.090 --> 01:04:37.780 and now he's quicker to respond with, Oh, okay, he's becoming more resilient. 01:04:38.320 --> 01:04:44.030 Um, because he's having that natural exposure and modeling from other people. 01:04:44.810 --> 01:04:45.050 Yeah. 01:04:45.050 --> 01:04:46.400 Modeling is so important. 01:04:46.420 --> 01:04:47.900 Yeah, absolutely. 01:04:49.220 --> 01:04:53.290 Because everything that we do and say and not do and not say, 01:04:53.370 --> 01:04:55.050 children pick up on those cues. 01:04:55.730 --> 01:05:01.110 So I think modeling is absolutely crucial when it comes to teaching kids how to 01:05:01.200 --> 01:05:05.640 navigate life and even how to learn. 01:05:06.060 --> 01:05:09.640 I think modeling there, modeling is absolutely crucial. 01:05:10.300 --> 01:05:13.110 It's like that old explicit instruction, you have to actually 01:05:13.110 --> 01:05:14.680 show children how to do it. 01:05:14.680 --> 01:05:18.150 And I find that you've got to show them how to behave 01:05:18.170 --> 01:05:19.810 and how to handle situations. 01:05:20.110 --> 01:05:20.950 It's up to us. 01:05:20.980 --> 01:05:26.930 We are the, the North Star, so to speak, to help children learn and, and. 01:05:27.305 --> 01:05:31.085 and deal with all their issues and frustrations because they don't know, 01:05:31.135 --> 01:05:32.465 they don't have those skills yet. 01:05:32.495 --> 01:05:34.785 We actually have to teach that to them as adults. 01:05:35.165 --> 01:05:39.265 And the problem comes is if we ourselves don't know how to deal with our own 01:05:39.665 --> 01:05:41.665 issues and our own dysregulation. 01:05:42.155 --> 01:05:46.925 So I think very often we have to learn how to regulate ourselves first so that 01:05:46.925 --> 01:05:48.665 we can then teach that to children. 01:05:49.505 --> 01:05:51.455 And I just interviewed. 01:05:51.685 --> 01:05:55.745 some guests a couple of weeks ago and we were talking exactly about that, 01:05:55.755 --> 01:06:02.045 about how we as adults have to first learn those skills for ourselves so that 01:06:02.055 --> 01:06:06.535 we can teach the children because so often I think so many of us, especially 01:06:06.535 --> 01:06:12.395 of a certain generation, We never learned how to regulate ourselves. 01:06:12.435 --> 01:06:12.705 You know, 01:06:13.225 --> 01:06:13.645 uh, 01:06:13.805 --> 01:06:16.435 in my day, it was always children are seen and not heard. 01:06:16.855 --> 01:06:19.865 So we never learned how to, how do you regulate yourself? 01:06:19.885 --> 01:06:20.105 No. 01:06:20.115 --> 01:06:22.295 Well, if you've got a problem, you just scream and shout, right? 01:06:22.825 --> 01:06:25.895 Um, and that's just not helpful to anybody. 01:06:26.255 --> 01:06:28.065 So we really have to learn those skills. 01:06:28.065 --> 01:06:29.075 I think that's really 01:06:29.085 --> 01:06:29.945 very good advice. 01:06:30.615 --> 01:06:36.105 And I think being very self aware within yourself and learning to tune 01:06:36.105 --> 01:06:43.525 into your own body helps you become able to regulate, I guess, easier. 01:06:43.565 --> 01:06:48.835 And it's a skill that's, you know, you learn as you go. 01:06:49.705 --> 01:06:54.475 And it's one everyone can learn and it's one everyone can learn 01:06:54.475 --> 01:06:55.865 to manage in different ways. 01:06:56.635 --> 01:07:01.445 Um, I guess one of the things that I think helps my son to become more resilient 01:07:01.455 --> 01:07:07.675 is since becoming a parent, I've had a bit of a lens shift, so to speak. 01:07:07.945 --> 01:07:14.155 So thinking about what I can do to help him be successful and set him up 01:07:14.535 --> 01:07:16.775 for success in all areas of his life. 01:07:18.385 --> 01:07:19.705 And one of the ways is. 01:07:20.260 --> 01:07:24.100 By doing the modeling, making sure I'm very conscious of what I'm saying, 01:07:24.320 --> 01:07:26.290 what I'm doing with my actions. 01:07:26.700 --> 01:07:30.630 Um, because everything, as we say, is picked up by them. 01:07:31.980 --> 01:07:32.460 Yeah. 01:07:35.320 --> 01:07:39.290 Shana if you could give one piece of advice to parents and educators 01:07:39.290 --> 01:07:41.970 about building connections with children, what would it 01:07:41.980 --> 01:07:42.410 be? 01:07:43.290 --> 01:07:45.670 I think if I could give one piece of advice, the. 01:07:46.065 --> 01:07:51.995 Biggest piece of advice would be to slow down, slower than you think thing things 01:07:51.995 --> 01:07:57.885 with children, they take a long time to, process, but just by allowing enough 01:07:57.885 --> 01:08:03.350 time to do things, you know, , the, the world at the moment is so fast paced. 01:08:04.100 --> 01:08:09.400 So taking the time to slow down, to really connect, to really engage, even if it's 01:08:10.040 --> 01:08:15.920 the routine of getting in the car, um, when, when appropriate, so not when you 01:08:15.930 --> 01:08:22.490 have to rush off to work, but slowing down, doing things together, allowing 01:08:22.520 --> 01:08:27.260 your kids the opportunity to have a bit of a say in what they're doing and how 01:08:27.260 --> 01:08:32.670 it's happening, even with things like we were talking about before, hopping in the 01:08:32.670 --> 01:08:37.580 car, um, giving them the space to try and do it first before you step in and yeah. 01:08:38.060 --> 01:08:40.830 Say, would you like to hop in, or would you like to help me if 01:08:40.830 --> 01:08:42.400 they're struggling a little bit? 01:08:42.960 --> 01:08:48.880 Um, I think it's a really great way, and it helps to, I guess, lay the 01:08:48.880 --> 01:08:55.100 foundation to connect, to build respect, to have those situations where you can 01:08:55.110 --> 01:09:00.110 model things for them to learn, to help with regulation, to build resilience. 01:09:01.585 --> 01:09:03.475 Everything kind of, it's very layered. 01:09:03.505 --> 01:09:09.465 So once you start with the basic, develop the connection, develop the great 01:09:09.465 --> 01:09:13.535 relationship with each other, then you can start to do all of these other parts. 01:09:15.725 --> 01:09:18.055 You know, just thinking as you were talking there, 01:09:20.595 --> 01:09:24.575 you know, when you rush kids, I think very often as a teacher, you see 01:09:24.575 --> 01:09:28.745 kids coming in the morning sometimes, and they're all over the place. 01:09:28.765 --> 01:09:32.915 And I think that often, if I think back to my time, when my kids were 01:09:32.915 --> 01:09:37.915 little, I think that comes from a rush in the mornings, hurry up, we're 01:09:37.915 --> 01:09:40.725 late, you've got to have an eating, where are your things, your school 01:09:40.745 --> 01:09:42.940 bag, your lunch, da, da, da, da, da. 01:09:42.980 --> 01:09:45.900 And I think that just whips everybody up into a frenzy. 01:09:45.910 --> 01:09:46.350 Yeah. 01:09:46.420 --> 01:09:49.990 And so I think that's a wonderful advice is just to slow down. 01:09:49.990 --> 01:09:53.490 And so I often, I've trained my kids since they were little. 01:09:53.980 --> 01:09:57.860 The night before you put out your uniform, you put out your school bag, 01:09:57.890 --> 01:10:01.760 you pack your bag, you put in your homework, you get yourself organized. 01:10:01.760 --> 01:10:02.160 Right. 01:10:02.500 --> 01:10:03.930 So that in the morning. 01:10:04.325 --> 01:10:08.045 There isn't this big rush, which just gets everybody frazzled. 01:10:08.045 --> 01:10:12.245 And then by the time the kids come to school, the child's already crying and 01:10:12.245 --> 01:10:17.065 they're already, you know, heightened and dysregulated because things have 01:10:17.065 --> 01:10:18.745 just been so chaotic in the morning. 01:10:19.095 --> 01:10:23.135 So I think that that piece of advice to slow down is really, really, 01:10:23.135 --> 01:10:25.355 really valuable for everybody. 01:10:25.845 --> 01:10:30.720 And I think it helps us too, you know, If you slow down, it's such a, so much 01:10:30.720 --> 01:10:36.600 better to start your day in a nice, calm, even keeled way than to be all 01:10:36.610 --> 01:10:41.340 rushed and, um, chomping at the bit and everybody hurry up, hurry up, hurry up. 01:10:41.340 --> 01:10:45.940 And, and I don't think that's really a great way for anybody to start the day. 01:10:45.970 --> 01:10:46.640 So thank you for 01:10:46.640 --> 01:10:47.040 that. 01:10:47.430 --> 01:10:48.230 That's okay. 01:10:48.585 --> 01:10:50.635 And I think people forget sometimes that 01:10:52.845 --> 01:10:55.965 a lot of adults expect the same of children that they would have 01:10:55.975 --> 01:10:58.995 other adults and they forget that they're younger and still developing. 01:10:59.545 --> 01:11:05.265 And I myself hate it when I start the day feeling dysregulated and most of the 01:11:05.265 --> 01:11:07.025 time it has nothing to do with my son. 01:11:07.225 --> 01:11:09.175 It's just other things that have happened. 01:11:09.755 --> 01:11:11.865 So grounding myself and making sure. 01:11:12.245 --> 01:11:17.895 Within our morning routine, I allow enough time for us to connect first, before we 01:11:17.895 --> 01:11:23.055 do anything, organizing myself the night before, as you did with your children. 01:11:23.465 --> 01:11:28.565 Um, it all just helps most days for them to start. 01:11:29.320 --> 01:11:34.910 Positive, calm and connected, which to me, you know, as you say, lays 01:11:34.910 --> 01:11:42.350 the, you know, um, it lays the way for the day to be more pleasant. 01:11:43.000 --> 01:11:43.600 Yes. 01:11:45.240 --> 01:11:48.870 Shana I think we're coming to the end, but I wanted to talk to you now about 01:11:48.870 --> 01:11:52.350 your job as a, or your role as an author. 01:11:52.590 --> 01:11:56.225 You have published books, which I am just so in awe of. 01:11:57.790 --> 01:12:03.020 Tell us a little bit about your books and how do they fit into this whole 01:12:03.020 --> 01:12:05.080 thing with connection with children? 01:12:05.600 --> 01:12:11.030 Absolutely, um, I found since having my child it just spurred a lot 01:12:11.030 --> 01:12:17.560 of creativity and it's been such a fun journey learning all about 01:12:17.570 --> 01:12:20.120 publishing and how to go about it. 01:12:21.630 --> 01:12:26.720 But my first book, Mama, I See You, kind of supports the child parent 01:12:26.740 --> 01:12:30.625 relationship when the child is newborn. 01:12:31.115 --> 01:12:36.245 Um, and just, it's kind of like a, as someone said to me once a snapshot of 01:12:36.245 --> 01:12:41.105 a really special moment in time when you are your baby's entire world. 01:12:42.035 --> 01:12:45.585 So in the middle of the night, one night it just popped into my head. 01:12:46.445 --> 01:12:48.505 And from there I ended up with. 01:12:48.900 --> 01:12:49.800 The lovely story. 01:12:50.600 --> 01:12:53.120 Um, I loved that time. 01:12:53.150 --> 01:12:58.930 It was to me, magical, also tricky as we have lots of things, you know, 01:12:58.960 --> 01:13:03.930 middle of the night, wake ups and feeds and, um, but I still loved it. 01:13:05.530 --> 01:13:08.690 I also wanted to make sure I created. 01:13:10.010 --> 01:13:14.930 A bottle feeding version, because relationships and connections with mothers 01:13:14.930 --> 01:13:17.490 and children can still be developed. 01:13:17.500 --> 01:13:21.520 It doesn't just depend on breastfeeding, so that was really important for 01:13:21.530 --> 01:13:23.300 me to have that representation. 01:13:23.770 --> 01:13:28.610 Um, and I think the amazing illustrations within the book really 01:13:28.610 --> 01:13:31.060 reflect what I was trying to convey. 01:13:32.800 --> 01:13:37.720 Cause the whole point of starting the book was to create books that support 01:13:37.720 --> 01:13:41.150 connection, but are created with heart. 01:13:41.560 --> 01:13:44.930 So they're created with, um, the idea of. 01:13:46.625 --> 01:13:53.155 Relationships are special and how we can support that, which kind of led me into 01:13:53.155 --> 01:13:55.495 my second book, which was called don't go. 01:13:56.235 --> 01:14:03.235 And it's about Joey, the koala and how he faces separation anxiety 01:14:03.615 --> 01:14:09.205 and how his mom supports him through this challenging situation. 01:14:09.725 --> 01:14:17.165 and uses strategies such as, um, their close bond, reassurance, self 01:14:17.165 --> 01:14:19.755 regulation by co regulating with her. 01:14:20.505 --> 01:14:23.015 And it's a lovely little book. 01:14:23.045 --> 01:14:27.305 And there's some things I do in there with my own child that kind of, um, were the. 01:14:27.895 --> 01:14:33.885 foundation for this story to be written and I love the little illustrations 01:14:33.905 --> 01:14:39.285 and I love how I used the animals because that's a great way for kids 01:14:39.285 --> 01:14:41.875 to understand storytelling as well. 01:14:42.425 --> 01:14:51.795 And I have more in the works, but time is, um, a factor being really busy. 01:14:52.885 --> 01:14:57.575 So I'm trying to do these well and trying to take my time to create resources 01:14:57.575 --> 01:15:02.125 that support these books for educators. 01:15:02.630 --> 01:15:04.740 and families to use with their children. 01:15:05.630 --> 01:15:06.350 Amazing. 01:15:07.060 --> 01:15:12.120 You know, just again, as you speak, I think of my own life really, and I was 01:15:12.130 --> 01:15:18.750 thinking about when my children, who are now 23 and 24, when they were babies. 01:15:19.060 --> 01:15:19.380 Yep. 01:15:19.935 --> 01:15:28.765 And feeding them, I was so lucky is that I did not have a phone and those times 01:15:28.765 --> 01:15:32.565 of feeding them, first breast and then bottle, I would always, of course, even 01:15:32.675 --> 01:15:34.955 with a bottle, hold them, feeding them. 01:15:35.745 --> 01:15:41.825 And I just remember staring at these beautiful little faces and noticing 01:15:41.835 --> 01:15:46.195 every day the little eyebrows coming out and the little lashes getting longer. 01:15:47.105 --> 01:15:52.535 And it was such a magical, magical time for me and I wouldn't change that for 01:15:52.615 --> 01:15:58.505 anything and I often now I sometimes see, you know, and it's not a judgment. 01:15:58.505 --> 01:16:02.765 It was just just just comparing it to myself Is it just what an 01:16:03.155 --> 01:16:10.005 what an amazing time it was Such a connection and I had no distractions. 01:16:10.015 --> 01:16:16.370 It was just I was in the moment with my child and I sometimes I see young 01:16:16.370 --> 01:16:20.130 mums and they're feeding but they're also on their phones and I think to 01:16:20.130 --> 01:16:23.640 myself, it's such a missed opportunity. 01:16:24.050 --> 01:16:29.690 You know, it's so wonderful that just that simplicity of being in the moment. 01:16:29.720 --> 01:16:36.360 It's like when you're creating a work of art and it's just you and the medium. 01:16:37.770 --> 01:16:43.180 It's a type of therapy and you're not spreading yourself thin. 01:16:43.210 --> 01:16:45.130 You are just in that moment. 01:16:45.150 --> 01:16:50.260 And I think it's such a healthy way for us to be as well, especially 01:16:50.260 --> 01:16:53.490 when it's, you know, when you're parenting, it can be so fraught. 01:16:53.910 --> 01:16:55.550 You're not getting enough sleep. 01:16:55.940 --> 01:16:59.180 Uh, the kids, you know, there's so many demands, They're crying. 01:16:59.200 --> 01:17:03.420 And then you get these special moments of silence when they're feeding. 01:17:04.215 --> 01:17:09.285 And it's just this moment where you and your child can just be, and I 01:17:09.285 --> 01:17:12.705 used to absolutely love those moments. 01:17:13.185 --> 01:17:15.895 And so, yeah, that's a really, that's a treasure. 01:17:15.895 --> 01:17:20.245 So if anybody out here is listening, and you're a young mum, put away 01:17:20.245 --> 01:17:22.965 your phone and just be in the moment. 01:17:22.995 --> 01:17:27.635 Because, not just for the child, but for you too, you know, I think 01:17:27.645 --> 01:17:31.225 that's, it's always something so powerful that stayed with me. 01:17:31.885 --> 01:17:35.470 Shana before we go, what impact do you hope that your work that you're doing 01:17:35.470 --> 01:17:40.360 with your books that you're doing in your school, what's your hope that your work, 01:17:40.390 --> 01:17:45.110 the impact it'll leave on the way children are nurtured and taught for the future? 01:17:49.270 --> 01:17:54.740 I guess for me, it's rooted in why I became a teacher in the first 01:17:54.740 --> 01:18:01.160 place, trying to make the world a better place, even if it's one child, 01:18:01.490 --> 01:18:03.510 because it's that ripple effect. 01:18:03.560 --> 01:18:08.250 It's, it's their self belief, how they view others, their 01:18:08.250 --> 01:18:09.410 relationship with others. 01:18:09.500 --> 01:18:16.150 Um, for a short period of time you develop such a close bond with the children you 01:18:16.150 --> 01:18:26.040 teach and I think that's really powerful and I hope that everything I'm doing can 01:18:26.050 --> 01:18:32.690 have the impact or it has the ability to support one child to feel like they 01:18:32.690 --> 01:18:34.710 are seen and that they are valued. 01:18:35.800 --> 01:18:42.435 And I hope it has that impact within my own, um, child and As well. 01:18:44.200 --> 01:18:50.810 I'm sure it does because I can see that you are such a gentle, loving person 01:18:50.850 --> 01:18:56.610 and such a creative person and I'm sure that your gentleness really impacts your 01:18:56.610 --> 01:18:58.670 own child and those that you work with. 01:18:59.290 --> 01:19:00.440 So I think. 01:19:00.910 --> 01:19:03.700 everything you're doing is just, is leaving such a valuable 01:19:03.720 --> 01:19:05.150 legacy for all the children. 01:19:05.150 --> 01:19:08.480 So I thank you on behalf of everybody and all the people's 01:19:08.480 --> 01:19:09.680 children that you deal with. 01:19:10.200 --> 01:19:10.710 Thank you very much. 01:19:10.780 --> 01:19:15.750 Sometimes, sometimes parents are often, you know, we're so busy that you sometimes 01:19:15.750 --> 01:19:17.750 forget to say thank you, you know, and. 01:19:18.500 --> 01:19:21.300 Yeah, I think everything that you're doing is really, really powerful. 01:19:21.310 --> 01:19:25.360 So well done and congratulations on your books, which is just amazing. 01:19:25.800 --> 01:19:26.830 Thank you so much. 01:19:27.430 --> 01:19:30.140 So Shanna, thanks so much for being on Blooming Curious today. 01:19:30.200 --> 01:19:33.310 Uh, I think it's been a wonderful conversation and a one that I 01:19:33.320 --> 01:19:37.410 really hope touches the lives and hearts of so many people listening. 01:19:37.430 --> 01:19:37.770 So thank 01:19:37.780 --> 01:19:38.520 you so much. 01:19:39.310 --> 01:19:43.260 It's been a pleasure and I look forward to chatting with you again. 01:19:43.950 --> 01:19:44.370 Great. 01:19:44.380 --> 01:19:45.370 Thank you so much. 01:19:46.460 --> 01:19:47.500 I'm going to stop.