Speaker: Welcome back to tongue first,
Speaker: the Queer curiosity podcast with
Speaker: a bite.
Speaker: Before we dive into today's
Speaker: episode, go ahead and tap
Speaker: follow.
Speaker: Hit subscribe and leave us a
Speaker: review wherever you're
Speaker: listening.
Speaker: It truly helps our little corner of the internet grow.
Speaker: In this episode, Siren and Wendy
Speaker: are taking you tongue first into
Speaker: the tender, Terrifying and
Speaker: triumphant world of gender
Speaker: awakenings.
Speaker: Those tiny cracks of truth that split open the closet door and
Speaker: let the light pour in.
Speaker: They're also sharing your queer
Speaker: epiphany stories, the ones that
Speaker: made your baby gay brain say,
Speaker: oh!
Speaker: And in the final course, they get vulnerable about what
Speaker: happens when queer love meets parent life, the courage it
Speaker: takes to bring a new partner into your kid's world, and the
Speaker: beauty of showing up as your full, authentic self.
Speaker: Because here at Tongue First, we believe in asking the messy
Speaker: questions, speaking the tender truths, and that curiosity is
Speaker: sexy and consent is hotter.
Speaker: let's get into the episode.
Siren: Welcome back to Tongue First,
Siren: the podcast where we taste test
Siren: queer life.
Siren: One messy, delicious bite at a time.
Siren: I'm siren and my pronouns are she her.
Wendy: And I'm Wendy and my pronouns are she her and bad bitch.
Wendy: And hey.
Siren: I think we should keep it with that extra.
Siren: I like adding that extra bad bitch part.
Wendy: The bad bitch.
Wendy: And we are live on TikTok right now, so if you're listening to
Wendy: this later, make sure you catch the chaos live next time.
Siren: Today we're diving into those
Siren: moments that cracked open our
Siren: closets.
Wendy: Yep, we're talking gender
Wendy: awakening with plural with yeah,
Wendy: plural awakenings.
Wendy: From early inklings of identity
Wendy: to the moments we finally saw
Wendy: ourselves clearly.
Wendy: We're also going to share your queer epiphanies that y'all sent
Wendy: it to us earlier this week.
Siren: Yeah, I'm so excited to share them with you.
Siren: Lots of those moments that made you say, oh, yeah, I'm
Siren: definitely not straight, am I?
Wendy: And later we'll get real about what happens when queer love
Wendy: meets parent life.
Wendy: Introducing your partner to your
Wendy: kids when it's your first openly
Wendy: queer relationship.
Siren: But first, it's time to cleanse the palate.
Siren: Insert music.
Siren: Bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam.
Siren: Bam bam.
Siren: It's time to freshen things up.
Siren: Wendy, you're in charge of this week's question.
Siren: This is something that I will be
Siren: hearing for the first time
Siren: tonight.
Wendy: I've been.
Wendy: I've been really turning this over in my head and and and
Wendy: trying to figure out what what I want it to be, you know?
Wendy: Do I want it to be serious?
Wendy: Do I want it to be fun?
Wendy: Sexy?
Wendy: But all I keep on thinking about.
Siren: I mean, it was.
Siren: So I say it again.
Wendy: All I keep thinking about is something deep, because I want
Wendy: to get into the intricate parts of your soul.
Siren: Into the deep shit.
Siren: So so to to counteract the the wild, off the wall question of
Siren: would you turn your, uh, dead partner's ashes into a dildo if
Siren: they asked you to.
Siren: Not not not on those lines.
Siren: No, no, no, it's slightly different.
Wendy: Ooh. Maybe I can ask what we
Wendy: were talking about earlier in
Wendy: the chat.
Siren: Honestly, like, I, I, I thought about that one.
Siren: I thought about that question.
Siren: But if you have one to go, like.
Wendy: Okay, I can save that for the next time and we can be, we can
Wendy: get deep that time.
Siren: But okay.
Wendy: Okay. So this was a hot take in the chat earlier in my life.
Wendy: If you could, if you physically could suck your own inner ear
Wendy: out, would you.
Wendy: Why or why not?
Wendy: And you're in or out means your pussy or your peepee.
Wendy: Okay.
Siren: Your dangly bits are your any bits?
Wendy: Yeah.
Siren: Yeah.
Wendy: Yeah. Your Audi is your twigs
Wendy: and berries and your any is your
Wendy: punanny.
Wendy: Okay.
Wendy: Just so we know.
Siren: Yeah. So this is a little bit different than a normal palate
Siren: cleanser question because I did hear it earlier today.
Wendy: Um.
Siren: However.
Wendy: It's a good one.
Siren: It's, it's it's not a terrible one.
Siren: It's not a terrible question.
Siren: I think I would have probably.
Siren: And this this isn't something I thought of earlier today.
Siren: I probably would have answered
Siren: it differently before I came
Siren: out.
Siren: Yeah, I think so.
Siren: An honest, an honest answer.
Siren: Like.
Siren: Like if I was to like.
Siren: Not if if I'm not trying to
Siren: impress anybody with my answer
Siren: and I'm like being real about
Siren: it.
Siren: I probably would have been okay
Siren: with it before I came, before I
Siren: transitioned, before I had my
Siren: yeah, before I transitioned in
Siren: general.
Siren: Yeah.
Siren: Um, yeah.
Siren: So but at this point, no.
Wendy: So. Yes. Prior.
Wendy: No, no.
Siren: I don't think so.
Wendy: Okay, okay.
Siren: And just in case you didn't
Siren: follow it, we do use code words
Siren: here.
Siren: Sometimes we are not talking about a belly button.
Wendy: No, we are not.
Siren: No.
Wendy: Thanks.
Siren: What do you think, Wendy?
Siren: What do you what?
Siren: What do you think?
Siren: What?
Siren: Like what?
Siren: Because I feel like you have to answer this question too.
Siren: You can't just gloss over it, like.
Siren: Come on.
Wendy: Um, my answer would be no, you don't.
Siren: You wouldn't do it.
Wendy: I would have no urge because I, I would I, like somebody else
Wendy: will do it better.
Wendy: So why would I. No, no I say no.
Siren: No, no I say no honestly because I. I don't think it would.
Siren: I think the taste would get me like it's only.
Siren: the taste is only sexy when it's someone else's.
Siren: I feel like.
Wendy: You don't think you're.
Wendy: You taste sexy.
Siren: I it's less sexy to me.
Siren: Like I'm not going to, like, wait, do you when you.
Siren: If you were to like when you
Siren: like after you masturbate, do
Siren: you.
Siren: Hold on, hold on, wait.
Siren: Time out.
Siren: After you masturbate, do you taste it?
Siren: Do you taste your fingers after you do it?
Siren: No.
Wendy: But you make out with your
Wendy: partner after they go down on
Wendy: you.
Siren: Sure.
Wendy: So.
Siren: But that's sexy because you're kissing them.
Wendy: Right?
Wendy: But they just had your whole pussy in their mouth, so, I
Wendy: mean, in that aspect, it's kind of like you're already doing
Wendy: that, you know?
Siren: You're not wrong.
Wendy: No. So think about that before
Wendy: you say no. I'm not saying
Wendy: anything about the taste because
Wendy: it's immaculate.
Wendy: You're immaculate.
Wendy: I'm positive of that.
Wendy: but it's.
Siren: I have been told that.
Wendy: Essentially. Right.
Wendy: You're essentially doing that if you're making out with the
Wendy: person after they have.
Siren: Sure.
Wendy: Pleasured you.
Wendy: How do you oh my gosh, this thing is bothering me.
Siren: Essentially.
Siren: It's okay to take it off.
Siren: I love.
Siren: It, I love it.
Wendy: Hurts my head.
Wendy: How about I.
Siren: Wear this just the just.
Siren: Let's go.
Siren: I like it, I like it.
Siren: Speaking of poontang being enough of a palate cleanser,
Siren: that seems to be enough.
Siren: Appetizers.
Siren: Let's get into the first course.
Wendy: Let's get into it.
Wendy: All right.
Wendy: Gender awakenings, y'all.
Wendy: The first course.
Wendy: Siren.
Wendy: This feels like something up your alley.
Siren: This is the part of the journey
Siren: that gets really personal for
Siren: me.
Siren: Obviously, before the queer awakening comes the gender ones.
Siren: Those moments when you realize that it's not just about who you
Siren: love, but who you are.
Wendy: That's very true.
Wendy: The shift from curiosity to clarity.
Wendy: Those little whispers that say something here doesn't fit.
Wendy: Before you even know the language.
Wendy: To name it.
Siren: Exactly. For sure.
Siren: For me, it wasn't one big dramatic realization.
Siren: It was a thousand tiny moments that slowly built up into one I
Siren: just couldn't ignore anymore.
Siren: The way I looked in mirrors, the
Siren: way I wanted to look, the way I
Siren: felt when someone used the wrong
Siren: name, or when I imagined what it
Siren: might feel like to hear the
Siren: right one.
Siren: That's what I call the closet cracks.
Siren: Those moments that fracture your closet door and let a little bit
Siren: of light in.
Siren: The moments that you start to
Siren: see yourself a little bit, start
Siren: to see who you truly are peeking
Siren: through.
Siren: You start to see light coming through.
Siren: And at first it can be scary, blinding, terrifying.
Siren: But it's also absolutely beautiful.
Wendy: Amazing.
Wendy: And you can't unsee it once it's there, you know?
Wendy: Know the moment that cracks appear, the whole world starts
Wendy: to look very different.
Wendy: And you can't.
Wendy: You just can't unsee it.
Wendy: You just can't.
Siren: Once you see it, you can't unsee.
Siren: Once you taste, you can't even taste.
Siren: It's like once you start to realize that that all of this is
Siren: going on, you start to realize that maybe you you're never
Siren: broken, and maybe it was just the container that didn't fit.
Siren: And then comes those oh, moments, right?
Siren: That's the deep breath, the shiver, the click.
Siren: That moment when you say to
Siren: yourself, oh shit, I'm trans.
Siren: Like.
Siren: Oh, shit.
Siren: Like that moment when I realized that I wasn't just talking about
Siren: someone else in that story.
Siren: I was talking about me in that story.
Siren: It's a mix of terror, relief and pure truth all at once.
Wendy: It's the most honest kind of awakening, honestly.
Wendy: You don't just realize something about yourself.
Wendy: You remember it.
Wendy: It was always there waiting for you.
Siren: Yeah, exactly.
Siren: It's like coming home to your own skin.
Siren: And that's what makes it such an
Siren: emotional and powerful part of
Siren: my journey.
Siren: Now for me.
Siren: Like early on when we talked about this a lot in the last
Siren: episode of the podcast, but early on I. I struggled a lot.
Siren: I struggled a lot to to know where I fit within the dynamic
Siren: of humanness, because I knew desperately that it was either
Siren: just sheer curiosity that I just wanted to be someone else or
Siren: something was wrong because from the earliest point, it just felt
Siren: like something was broken, like it didn't fit in the right spot.
Wendy: Yeah, I'm kind of getting that
Wendy: role where you're like trying to
Wendy: be what society thinks you
Wendy: should be.
Siren: Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Wendy: It's really a struggle to, like, be in that where you're like,
Wendy: I'm really attracted to girls, but like, society is telling me
Wendy: that I need to be with a guy.
Siren: Yeah.
Wendy: Like, just keep on pushing that down and pushing it down.
Siren: Yeah. Have you ever had.
Siren: I mean, I feel like for you, it's less about gender.
Siren: Maybe, but early, earlier on in your life, I mean, were you
Siren: always a tomboy or did you always, like, prefer short hair?
Siren: How you dress now?
Wendy: Well, I was I didn't come out
Wendy: until I was in my early
Wendy: twenties, so I didn't really
Wendy: explore that get my hair was
Wendy: really long.
Wendy: I would consider myself kind of like a chapstick.
Wendy: You know, I was like, a little fan.
Wendy: I wore a little bit of eye makeup.
Wendy: I had long hair.
Wendy: I wore girl women's clothes.
Wendy: And then when I came out, I just
Wendy: was gradually more and more felt
Wendy: like myself.
Wendy: Not that I wanted.
Wendy: Not that I felt like I was in the wrong skin.
Wendy: Just more so.
Wendy: The fact that I felt like I just wanted to be comfortable.
Wendy: And I knew being like, extremely girly was not for me.
Wendy: And I just felt more comfortable with short hair.
Wendy: And, you know, men's clothing.
Siren: Yeah.
Wendy: It just felt more comfortable to me.
Siren: Yeah.
Siren: A clothing that was like, designed that way.
Siren: Like with.
Siren: Yeah.
Wendy: Just designed for men.
Siren: Yeah.
Wendy: You know, honestly, clothing and
Wendy: color is not gender specific,
Wendy: but life made it that way for
Wendy: all of us to be like, oh, it's
Wendy: pink.
Wendy: It's for a girl.
Wendy: Oh it's blue.
Wendy: You know what I mean?
Siren: Yeah.
Siren: Yeah. And then, like, the the shape and the fit too.
Siren: And like, what it's trying to achieve with showing off and
Siren: aspects of that for sure.
Siren: Exactly like thinking forward.
Siren: I mean, this isn't when I was
Siren: young, but thinking forward to
Siren: in my early thirties, when I was
Siren: exploring gender for the first
Siren: time openly and got to put on a
Siren: t shirt like from the women's
Siren: cycling section, you know, like
Siren: when that's cut for a feminine
Siren: body and how it fit different
Siren: and how it felt different and
Siren: how it felt, it made me feel
Siren: good.
Siren: Those moments of clarity, of like of opening.
Siren: And it's all those small moments
Siren: that build towards realization,
Siren: right?
Siren: It's all those like little things that come compound on top
Siren: of each other over and over again, that kind of push it to
Siren: that edge of like, yeah, we need to do something about this.
Wendy: I feel like you're ever evolving too.
Wendy: So like, there could be moments where, you know, I was
Wendy: comfortable in women's clothing.
Wendy: I was comfortable with having long hair.
Wendy: You know, I can't tell you later
Wendy: on in life that I won't go back
Wendy: to that.
Wendy: I don't think that I will, but who knows?
Wendy: Because you're ever evolving and changing and growing.
Siren: Yeah. I want to see a picture of high school.
Siren: Wendy.
Wendy: Um.
Siren: We we don't have a way to show it on the podcast, but, like.
Wendy: I think I have one that I'll
Wendy: look and send you when I had
Wendy: long hair.
Siren: We need to see a picture of high school, Wendy.
Siren: At some point.
Siren: Chad's like, hell, yeah, yeah.
Wendy: I can, I have one, I believe, and my hair was all the way down
Wendy: to my my butt.
Wendy: She was.
Wendy: She was stunning.
Wendy: She was a stunner.
Wendy: Not really.
Wendy: I felt so out of place.
Siren: I.
Siren: Uh, for my senior year, my
Siren: senior portrait, I decided it'd
Siren: be a good idea to highlight my
Siren: own hair.
Wendy: I don't.
Siren: Know.
Siren: Like a week before.
Siren: Yeah.
Wendy: Was it yellow?
Siren: I couldn't get the highlighter on.
Siren: Just some pieces of my hair.
Siren: So it ended up just my whole head.
Wendy: Oh, no.
Siren: Yeah. Oh, no. And I just did it.
Siren: No question.
Siren: Yeah.
Siren: My parents were not happy.
Siren: I'm sure they were shocked.
Siren: They were not happy about that.
Siren: Um, but that kind of goes with, like, honestly, like with what
Siren: we're talking about here.
Siren: Yeah.
Siren: There were so many aspects of me trying to find some sort of
Siren: peace and gender euphoria.
Siren: Like some sort of like, like experience of my body that made
Siren: sense to me.
Siren: And I remember even, like, early on, like picking out clothes.
Siren: I remember picking out a pair of shoes when I was in elementary
Siren: school that Payless or whatever, and went there with my dad to
Siren: pick out shoes.
Siren: And I don't know, Wendy, if you
Siren: remember those shoes that they
Siren: had in the nineties that were
Siren: like Gold.
Siren: Gold or.
Siren: Silver. Like. Like really?
Siren: Like chromed out.
Siren: Like.
Siren: Almost like Adidas style.
Siren: Like like chrome gold sneakers.
Wendy: Do you remember what brand they were?
Siren: I think I.
Siren: Feel like they I don't know,
Siren: they I feel like they were
Siren: Adidas.
Siren: I don't remember these like chrome gold sneakers, chrome
Siren: like chrome silver sneakers.
Siren: And this is back in the nineties.
Siren: And like it was it wasn't super popular.
Siren: But I remember desperately wanting a pair of these and just
Siren: being told by both the person that worked there and my dad
Siren: that those were for girls.
Wendy: Yeah.
Siren: Like I was like, what the fuck?
Siren: Like I'm like, I want.
Siren: And then I picked out another pair of shoes that I was like,
Siren: whatever, fine, I'll pick out the boys shoes.
Siren: And I got made fun of for them.
Siren: Oh, gosh.
Wendy: Yeah.
Siren: See?
Siren: Yeah. It's like you, you can't win in school.
Wendy: Instead of just getting what you wanted.
Siren: Yeah.
Wendy: But which is crazy, because I know I could never imagine being
Wendy: like, don't get that.
Wendy: It's pink.
Wendy: Don't get that.
Wendy: It's for boys.
Wendy: Don't get that.
Wendy: It's for.
Wendy: You know what I mean?
Wendy: Like, do what you want.
Siren: Yeah.
Wendy: Do what you want, baby.
Wendy: Whatever makes you feel good.
Siren: Yeah. And then, like.
Wendy: Have to worry about if they're going to get made fun of.
Siren: Yeah.
Siren: And then like that relationship between gender and queerness
Siren: that like as your as for me as my explored my gender and figure
Siren: out who I was more I had to do that first before I could
Siren: discover like the other aspects of my my queerness or my
Siren: sexuality, of all of those pieces of who I was.
Wendy: Exactly.
Wendy: I hope that you now feel just so
Wendy: much more into your skin, and so
Wendy: much more like yourself, that
Wendy: you don't have to have any
Wendy: doubts of anything moving
Wendy: forward or anyone's opinion
Wendy: about you.
Wendy: You know what I mean?
Siren: Yeah.
Wendy: And the queer epiphanies when the realization of who you are
Wendy: collides with who you love.
Wendy: Let's talk about that a little bit.
Siren: Yeah. My awakening started with
Siren: gender, and that realization
Siren: opened the door to everything
Siren: else.
Siren: Which brings us perfectly into our next part of the story.
Siren: Yeah.
Siren: Those in podcast land that might
Siren: be checking in on on us in
Siren: TikTok land.
Siren: There's forty nine people over here right now.
Siren: So you are amongst friends.
Siren: Should you come and hang out with us?
Wendy: Friends?
Siren: How many you got over there?
Wendy: Twenty nine. Twenty eight.
Wendy: Twenty.
Wendy: It keeps on going.
Siren: Yeah. So about like thirty people.
Wendy: Twenty nine for a while.
Wendy: Yeah.
Siren: Yeah. Yeah. So there's there's a good there's a there's almost
Siren: eighty people here right now.
Wendy: It's a good chunk of people.
Siren: So come, come hang out I promise I don't bite.
Wendy: No I do a little bit.
Wendy: But you'll like it.
Siren: Only with consent.
Wendy: Yeah. If it's consensual.
Wendy: If not, then whatever.
Siren: Only with consent.
Wendy: We. We would just stare lovingly into each other's eyes.
Siren: So a queer epiphanies.
Siren: This is where we're going to talk about those moments that
Siren: took your baby gay brain and said welcome home.
Wendy: Mhm. And we've got some of our own queer epiphanies to share to
Wendy: listeners recordings that honestly gave us chills.
Listener 1: Hi, Wendy. Hi, Cyron.
Listener 1: My queer awakening was about early nineties when I was a
Listener 1: youngin, probably eight or nine when, uh, Death Becomes Her was
Listener 1: a big hit and I fell in love with Meryl Streep.
Listener 1: She was my first crush, and it doesn't hurt that Isabella
Listener 1: Rossellini is one of the most gorgeous women in the world.
Listener 1: And Goldie Hawn and I knew from then on that I was different.
Listener 2: I remember specifically being at my friend's house after church,
Listener 2: and she was trying on a dress because she was trying to
Listener 2: impress a boy at church.
Listener 2: She looked so good in it.
Listener 2: And I looked at her, and I felt
Listener 2: the shame that I should not be
Listener 2: looking at her, because it
Listener 2: wasn't in a friendly way and I
Listener 2: knew I was gay, at least
Listener 2: partially.
Listener 2: I identify as Pan now, but yeah, I knew I wasn't straight.
Listener 3: I have a bad coming out story and a good coming out story, so
Listener 3: we'll go with the bad first.
Listener 3: I realized in sixth grade that I was not straight because
Listener 3: somebody called me a name, called me a carpet muncher.
Listener 3: Right.
Listener 3: Of all things.
Listener 3: And I was like, oh, shit, that might be me.
Listener 3: Nobody would worry about this if.
Listener 3: If it wasn't them.
Listener 3: And then my second one, when I
Listener 3: came out to my mom, she said,
Listener 3: well, at least you won't get
Listener 3: pregnant.
Listener 4: Some of you know me as Nexus or Midnight Nexus, and I never
Listener 4: really had an epiphany moment.
Listener 4: I think I always kind of knew that across the board, I was
Listener 4: more attracted to the person within than the visual.
Listener 4: My oldest was three years old, and they walked up to me and
Listener 4: said, mommy, I think I'm a girl on the inside.
Listener 4: And my response was, that's okay.
Listener 4: I said, as long as you're
Listener 4: yourself, you don't hurt
Listener 4: yourself and you don't hurt
Listener 4: other people.
Listener 4: You could do whatever you want
Listener 4: and that I supported them, I
Listener 4: love them, I wanted them to know
Listener 4: that they weren't alone in that
Listener 4: process, though I learned a lot
Listener 4: about myself.
Listener 4: I started questioning who I was,
Listener 4: who I wanted to be with, kind of
Listener 4: exploring myself as a person
Listener 4: like it opened so many doors for
Listener 4: me to find out who I was, and it
Listener 4: gave me an opportunity to
Listener 4: explore areas I didn't know
Listener 4: existed, people I didn't know
Listener 4: existed, communities.
Listener 4: So no really great epiphany, just a gradual growth of a human
Listener 4: being that I wanted to be and who I wanted to support.
Listener 4: In doing so, I kind of supported myself more and more and more
Listener 4: and accepted myself more.
Listener 4: Um, I am a proud pansexual individual.
Listener 4: She they pronouns and a lover of life and people and animals.
Listener 4: Mostly animals.
Listener 4: Some people.
Listener 4: But, um, at the end of the day,
Listener 4: I think, um, I have a lot to
Listener 4: thank.
Listener 4: My oldest, um, and all of this
Listener 4: because they helped me grow into
Listener 4: the person I am today and gave
Listener 4: me an opportunity that I don't
Listener 4: think I would have given myself
Listener 4: without them.
Listener 5: I think one of the biggest realizations I had was when I
Listener 5: stumbled across an old poem that I wrote in an old journal, uh,
Listener 5: when I was very drunk.
Listener 5: I had completely forgotten about it, but when I reread it, I. It
Listener 5: helped me realize that I've known something about myself for
Listener 5: a long time.
Listener 6: My story?
Listener 6: Well, I was a junior in high school, And I had a crush on a
Listener 6: girl, but I didn't move forward, and one of my besties who was
Listener 6: gay was like, girl, come on now you can do it.
Listener 6: You just gotta ask her.
Listener 6: Well, long story short, I dropped my drink on the floor
Listener 6: and as we were cleaning it up, I was like, would you like to go
Listener 6: to the movies?
Listener 6: And she was like, Cindy, I love you as a friend.
Listener 6: And I was like, okay.
Listener 6: And ever since then, I've, you
Listener 6: know, been an ally and an
Listener 6: advocate.
Listener 6: I, um, been only in, I guess you
Listener 6: would say, relationships with
Listener 6: men.
Listener 6: Um, but that girl is one of my besties.
Listener 6: Forever and a day.
Listener 6: Um, my ride or die.
Listener 6: If I need something, I do call her, and we just, you know, I
Listener 6: just do what I do.
Listener 6: Not really a epiphany, but, you know, it is what it is.
Listener 7: Hey everyone, it's MD. So my gay
Listener 7: awakening queer epiphany was a
Listener 7: funny one.
Listener 7: Um, I'd always kind of thought that I was, um, because I had
Listener 7: always found boys and guys my age and older attractive and
Listener 7: whatnot, but my, like, really set in stone gay awakening was
Listener 7: that my wife's brother was my first male crush.
Wendy: Oh.
Wendy: The tea.
Siren: The tea.
Siren: The tea is so good.
Siren: So good.
Wendy: Wow.
Wendy: Those were so good.
Siren: They were so sweet.
Siren: I love how different they all were.
Siren: Every single one had that moment of, like, finally feeling like
Siren: they see themselves.
Siren: That.
Siren: Like that moment.
Siren: I really liked the middle one
Siren: two with talking about her
Siren: daughter.
Wendy: Yeah.
Siren: And how that opened her eyes to so much.
Wendy: It's so.
Wendy: It's so cool when, like, your
Wendy: kid can teach you something
Wendy: like.
Wendy: And open up these boxes in categories in yourself that you
Wendy: didn't even know needed to be opened and unlocked.
Wendy: It's so cool.
Wendy: And they're all, I mean, it's a
Wendy: representation isn't just about
Wendy: visibility, it's about
Wendy: recognition.
Wendy: And they're recognizing these little intricate things about
Wendy: theirself is really cool.
Siren: Yeah.
Wendy: I agree that your kid made you realize that.
Wendy: How fucking great.
Wendy: That's a that's like a reflection of how you are as a
Wendy: parent, I feel.
Siren: Yeah.
Wendy: Yeah. That's awesome.
Siren: That's amazing.
Siren: So, Wendy.
Wendy: Yes. My love.
Siren: Was your queer awakening.
Siren: Was your queer epiphany?
Siren: What was your your, uh.
Siren: I don't know your media awakening.
Wendy: There's a few I told you all one yesterday, so I'm gonna go with
Wendy: a different one.
Wendy: Has anyone ever seen Jia?
Wendy: It has Angelina Jolie in it, and she plays a model.
Wendy: Um. And it's like a it's like a really?
Wendy: Yeah, it's called Jia.
Wendy: It's a really early.
Wendy: Everyone over here saying yes, yes, yes, yes.
Wendy: So she's a model that actually died of HIV.
Wendy: It was from drug use.
Wendy: Based off a true story.
Wendy: It was such a good movie.
Wendy: But she's very, like, provocative.
Wendy: And don't ask me why.
Wendy: And don't fucking judge me.
Wendy: This is a judge free zone.
Wendy: But oh yeah, she like.
Siren: Of course.
Wendy: Cried in the movie and I just thought her cry was just very
Wendy: sexy and like, there was titties and up against the fence.
Wendy: And it was just.
Siren: I mean, Angelina Jolie is is so hot.
Wendy: Like so.
Siren: Hot. Oh my God.
Wendy: And this was like Angelina Jolie back in the day.
Wendy: And she was.
Wendy: Oh my God.
Wendy: Still banging but so fucking beautiful.
Wendy: And her voice and just she cried in the movie and I was just
Wendy: like, oh my fucking God.
Wendy: My cooter tingled.
Wendy: I'm just saying.
Siren: We. I feel like every episode
Siren: now we have talked about Cooter
Siren: tingles.
Siren: So this is this is exciting.
Siren: This is really exciting.
Siren: For me, it's very much a sorting out of the women that I had a
Siren: crush on and the ones that I wanted to be.
Wendy: Yeah.
Siren: Because so much of me knew that she couldn't be one, so I forced
Siren: that out as an option.
Siren: Yeah, but I'd still have these attractions to someone that I
Siren: didn't know how to categorize other than, oh, I guess I must
Siren: be, like, physically attracted to you, I guess.
Wendy: Yeah.
Siren: Angelina Jolie was never the one.
Siren: Oh, like I want to be her.
Siren: She was always the one is like I. Yes.
Siren: Like just like us.
Siren: So I get you.
Wendy: Charlize Theron. Oh my God.
Wendy: Which?
Wendy: They're both actually dating women right now, apparently.
Siren: For real?
Wendy: Yes. In real life.
Wendy: For real.
Wendy: I've just seen this in the last week with both of them.
Siren: That's incredible, I love this.
Wendy: Go watch Atomic Blonde if you haven't seen that.
Wendy: Oh my God.
Siren: I'll have to add it to my list for sure.
Siren: Tomb Raider oh my god, tomb Raider.
Wendy: Not Tomb raider.
Siren: Tomb raider.
Wendy: Lara croft.
Wendy: Oh.
Siren: That's not fair.
Siren: Don't do this to me.
Wendy: Me up!
Siren: Don't do this to me.
Wendy: It's hot in here.
Siren: Oh my gosh.
Siren: Honestly, one of my main ones, though, um, for this was one of
Siren: the ones that was hard to to just to discern whether or not
Siren: it was someone I wanted to be or someone that I had a crush on.
Siren: But Melissa Joan Hart in Sabrina the Teenage Witch was so much my
Siren: queer awakening story.
Siren: Like, oh my God, there was, there was.
Siren: I remember very vividly a
Siren: picture of her from Sabrina the
Siren: Teenage Witch in a Nick magazine
Siren: Where she was sitting on a
Siren: broomstick.
Siren: And oh my God, how desperately I wanted to be that broomstick.
Siren: You know what I mean?
Siren: Like.
Wendy: You know what I have, like,
Wendy: realized lately in my later life
Wendy: that I really am, I think,
Wendy: androgynous.
Wendy: Um, they're not like, they're not trans, but they're, what do
Wendy: you call it?
Wendy: Androgynous.
Wendy: If it was like.
Wendy: A man that is not transitioned but is very, like, feminine in
Wendy: some sort of ways, but it kind of does them both.
Wendy: I just find that really, like sexy that they hone into that
Wendy: like side of theirself.
Wendy: There's like there's okay.
Wendy: Like let me give you like Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Wendy: You know, like, how could you just how could you not think
Wendy: what's his name from.
Siren: Rocky Horror Picture Show?
Wendy: Yes.
Siren: Oh my gosh, the main guy, uh, Frank and Frank-n-furter.
Wendy: Uh.
Siren: No.
Wendy: His Tim Curry.
Siren: Tim Curry.
Siren: Oh, you meant the actual actor.
Siren: Sorry.
Wendy: Yes. Tim Curry, Tim curry.
Siren: So I don't think I've seen the actual movie.
Wendy: We're gonna have to talk about your movie.
Siren: I've seen it performed two dozen times.
Wendy: Not the same.
Wendy: It's not the same.
Siren: I believe you, but I have.
Wendy: It's cool.
Wendy: It's really cool to see it, like, performed.
Wendy: But you have to watch the original.
Siren: I mean, valid, valid.
Siren: I never, so I never really had huge crushes on men.
Siren: I never have had crushes on men.
Siren: Like physical crushes on men.
Wendy: It's not real.
Wendy: I don't know I don't know if it's like a crush or if it's
Wendy: like, you know what?
Wendy: Hell, yeah.
Wendy: You know what I mean?
Siren: Like like a like a. Hear me out.
Siren: Cake style.
Wendy: Yes.
Siren: Okay. Interesting. Interesting.
Siren: So we're thinking like a hear me out cake.
Siren: But for men that a lesbian would sleep with.
Wendy: Oh, no.
Siren: So he would be on your.
Siren: Hear me out cake for that.
Wendy: I don't know that I would sleep.
Wendy: Maybe have a good makeout session.
Siren: A good.
Siren: Okay. That's that's different.
Siren: Absolutely.
Siren: That's so different.
Siren: Like a good makeout sesh.
Siren: Yeah.
Siren: Okay.
Siren: Maybe some, like, booty touching.
Wendy: David Bowie in the labyrinth.
Siren: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Siren: David Bowie in the labyrinth.
Siren: Okay, I none of this hits for me.
Wendy: No. Yeah. No.
Siren: For me personally, no, none of that hits for me personally.
Siren: Uh, I can say without without Without a doubt.
Siren: Uh, but that's fine.
Siren: We were allowed to be different.
Siren: Babe.
Siren: That's allowed.
Wendy: Yes. Yes, yes.
Siren: Yeah. Uh. Who else?
Siren: Anybody else on your list of, like me along.
Siren: Me along?
Wendy: No, no. Ni along a beautiful black queen.
Wendy: Uh. Me along?
Wendy: Yes.
Siren: So what else do we want to talk about in this part?
Wendy: Who were you obsessed with in childhood?
Siren: Oh my gosh.
Siren: The thing that came to mind when
Siren: you asked that question was the
Siren: Power Rangers.
Wendy: I tight little, right.
Siren: But like, I always wanted to be the Pink Ranger or the Yellow
Siren: Ranger, but wasn't allowed.
Wendy: Exactly.
Siren: Do you know what I mean?
Siren: But you kind of could because you had the mask on.
Wendy: Yeah, you could be anyone you wanted to be under there.
Wendy: Yeah, I'm just saying.
Siren: Um, that's an interesting question.
Siren: Yeah, I could have overanalyzed the fuck out of that for sure.
Wendy: Punky Brewster.
Siren: I don't I don't can't even
Siren: picture a face when you say
Siren: that.
Wendy: You know what?
Siren: I have a different pop culture reference.
Siren: I'm sorry, I have a different pop culture encyclopedia to pull
Siren: from that encyclopedia.
Wendy: Oh my goodness.
Wendy: I'm just saying.
Wendy: Punky Brewster I. She had a real she.
Wendy: Her name is like, really cool in real life.
Wendy: Who remembers her name?
Wendy: Who remembers that name?
Siren: Soleil moon Frye.
Wendy: Yes. Such a cool name.
Siren: Um, I think one of the things that would be worth mentioning
Siren: here, how much nowadays, when we're looking into pop culture,
Siren: the people that kids are having their gay awakenings to are
Siren: likely like out people.
Wendy: Billie Eilish.
Siren: You know what I mean?
Siren: Like, there there are people who are out and openly gay, openly
Siren: queer, openly themselves.
Siren: It's not like this closeted crush on some.
Siren: hot celeb that has three kids
Siren: with her, you know, twenty year
Siren: older boyfriend.
Wendy: Yeah.
Siren: It's a different world out there, which is kind of cool in
Siren: a lot of ways.
Siren: I don't know, like, I feel like the the visibility that it
Siren: creates is amazing.
Siren: I feel like where it allows kind
Siren: of culture to take a deep breath
Siren: is amazing.
Wendy: Yeah.
Siren: But I don't know, could you what could you imagine, like having
Siren: out role models to look up to when you were younger?
Wendy: No, I didn't have any.
Wendy: I didn't know anyone.
Wendy: Can I tell you about a story?
Siren: Yeah, absolutely.
Siren: That's why we're asking.
Wendy: A friend of mine was.
Wendy: Okay. Her name is Michi m I c h
Wendy: I, and, um, she knew that she
Wendy: was.
Wendy: I don't know if she was gay or pan or whatever way before I
Wendy: knew, way before I knew, and we were like besties.
Wendy: I was over her house all the time.
Wendy: Like I hung out when she went to like her dad's on the weekend
Wendy: because her parents were divorced and one time she, like,
Wendy: touched my butt or something, and I was just like, whoa.
Wendy: Like, I was just so offended by that notion.
Wendy: Well, number one, consent is a big thing.
Wendy: But like.
Wendy: But we were like friends for years, so like, okay, you smack
Wendy: your friends, but every now and again it's fine.
Wendy: But it's like I was so like against that.
Wendy: At that point in time, I was like thirteen or maybe even
Wendy: younger, maybe eleven, eleven or twelve, I don't know.
Wendy: I just felt like I was I didn't realize it yet then, but I also
Wendy: was like on a basketball team in school and in the locker room.
Wendy: I was just like noticing the other girls in there with me.
Wendy: And I was just like, what?
Wendy: And I, I think, like.
Siren: So you kind of realize when someone else touched your butt
Siren: that you realize you were feeling something different than
Siren: what most girls felt when another girl touched their butt.
Wendy: But I just thought I was bisexual for years.
Wendy: But I'd never been with a woman.
Wendy: And then when I was with a
Wendy: woman, like that was all it
Wendy: took.
Wendy: It was one time and I was like, oh, yeah, this is for me.
Wendy: We're not.
Wendy: Oh, we're not going back.
Wendy: Yeah, we're not going back.
Wendy: That's not going to happen again.
Wendy: But I appreciate handsome men for handsome man.
Siren: Yeah. I think it took me for men to realize I didn't need men
Siren: anymore for the most part.
Wendy: Definitely.
Wendy: Definitely not a gold star.
Wendy: Definitely not a gold star around here.
Wendy: I was definitely trying to adhere to what I thought society
Wendy: wanted me to be.
Wendy: No, you know.
Siren: We've been throwing out a we've
Siren: been throwing out a lot of
Siren: glossary terms.
Siren: I feel like this episode, and I've been thinking about maybe a
Siren: new segment of the podcast in the future where we go over like
Siren: a couple, a couple weird, like words from gay lexicon.
Siren: Yeah.
Siren: Do you know what I mean?
Siren: Like that.
Wendy: Sounds good.
Siren: Yeah, like you were gold star lesbian.
Siren: What is.
Siren: What does gold Star mean?
Siren: What does gold star mean?
Siren: Um, stuff like that I think would be, could be, could be fun
Siren: to chat about in a podcast.
Wendy: I mean.
Siren: It's about curiosity.
Wendy: I mean, and it's a lot when you're like, mask.
Wendy: People think that, oh, you never you never explored that side.
Wendy: But it's like, yeah, I haven't always been mask though, right?
Wendy: It was explored and then quickly unexplored.
Wendy: I was like, yeah, no, you want me to do what with this?
Wendy: You want.
Siren: No no, no thank you.
Siren: No thank you.
Wendy: It's gonna do what?
Wendy: At me?
Wendy: No.
Wendy: So. But, yeah, we'll have to go through all that.
Siren: Yeah. For sure, for sure.
Siren: So all of these queer epiphanies lead to something bigger.
Wendy: That's right.
Wendy: And sometimes that means having
Wendy: the kind of conversation
Wendy: straight people never think
Wendy: about.
Wendy: Let's talk about that in the third course.
Siren: Did I say that?
Siren: I did say that out loud.
Wendy: You did say that.
Siren: Sometimes the inside thoughts should stay on, my lady.
Wendy: Um. I'm not gonna get in trouble.
Wendy: Only one can miss lady.
Wendy: She's six foot tall.
Wendy: She's a Norwegian Viking princess.
Wendy: Don't mess with her.
Siren: You're talking about me, right?
Wendy: Yes. Yeah.
Siren: Yeah.
Wendy: Abso fucking lutely.
Siren: Gotcha.
Wendy: Of course.
Siren: Just want to make sure we're on the same page.
Wendy: Getting real over here.
Siren: The third course where love gets real messy and brave.
Siren: This one hits close to home.
Siren: Introducing anyone new to your kids is huge.
Siren: But when it's your first queer partner, when it's your first
Siren: partner that goes against the cultural expectation of what a
Siren: relationship should look like.
Siren: It can feel like you're introducing the world to a new
Siren: version of you.
Siren: It can feel like you're introducing your kids to a new
Siren: version of you.
Wendy: It's about being proud of your
Wendy: love while still protecting your
Wendy: peace and your kids comfort for
Wendy: sure.
Siren: Yeah. So, Wendy, you've been in a relationship that kids came
Siren: with the relationship.
Wendy: Mhm. Currently.
Wendy: Yep yep yep yep.
Siren: And I am one of the people who kids come with the relationship.
Wendy: Yes.
Siren: So we both we both kind of have some experience in that respect.
Siren: I was listening to the first episode of the podcast, and you
Siren: talk a little bit about what your experience was being kind
Siren: of thrown into it with, like living with kids.
Siren: Do you want to talk about that a little bit?
Siren: Yeah, I'm like, what the experience was for you being
Siren: introduced to your, um, your partner's kids and stuff?
Wendy: Well, it's kind of a little bit different because I knew her for
Wendy: so long, so I knew the kids in some aspect, you know, because
Wendy: we were friends.
Wendy: But living in a house with
Wendy: children and two lived in the
Wendy: house at the time when we were
Wendy: living together.
Wendy: And I got this, you know, thirteen year old girl that just
Wendy: rifles through all my shit, my clothes, my shoes, without
Wendy: asking, without without asking.
Wendy: No.
Siren: Just like jumps into your
Siren: dresser and starts pulling stuff
Siren: out.
Wendy: Just gets in there, gets it going.
Siren: That's.
Wendy: And I was.
Siren: Rude.
Wendy: I mean, that was a space where, you know, I don't.
Wendy: I was just like it.
Wendy: It brought up like, whoa, I had
Wendy: all these siblings and I never
Wendy: felt like I had my own shit, and
Wendy: somebody was always taking my
Wendy: stuff.
Siren: Yeah.
Wendy: And, you know, I got older and I was like, oh my gosh, I get to
Wendy: my own, my own stuff and I don't have to worry about anybody
Wendy: rifling through it or taking it.
Wendy: But then so at first it bothered me because I'm like, oh my gosh,
Wendy: this stuff is expensive.
Wendy: What if it gets stained?
Wendy: Like, what if it's.
Wendy: But then I realized, like the
Wendy: mom portion of it, like, oh,
Wendy: she's sleeping in the bed with
Wendy: us.
Wendy: You know, we don't have privacy.
Wendy: She's coming in and using the
Wendy: bathroom because it's a bigger
Wendy: bathroom and she has more space
Wendy: to like.
Wendy: At first it annoyed me because I was like, I'm losing sleep.
Wendy: Like she's in my stuff.
Wendy: But then I was made to see it
Wendy: from the mom perspective as
Wendy: like, this is not always going
Wendy: to happen.
Wendy: Like she's not always going to be here to snuggle us or, you
Wendy: know, rifle through your clothes or you know what I mean?
Wendy: So it it made it to where like, am I really that put out by it.
Wendy: No I'm not I'm not really that put out about it.
Siren: Yeah. That's a that's a good perspective too.
Wendy: It could definitely look rude
Wendy: because at first I thought it
Wendy: was.
Wendy: And then I looked at it from a mom perspective, like, and I
Wendy: want her to feel like she's safe and loved and she can come to me
Wendy: and talk to me.
Wendy: And I love her like she's my own, all of them.
Wendy: And that really made me see that.
Wendy: You're right.
Wendy: Like, it's not always going to be like this.
Wendy: There's going to be times when they're not here and we're going
Wendy: to miss them rifling through our shit or, you know, snuggling in
Wendy: the bed with us.
Wendy: And I want them to feel safe and
Wendy: loved and secure enough to feel
Wendy: comfortable.
Wendy: And so it definitely made me go from like hell not to like.
Wendy: All right, girl, just don't stain it, you know?
Wendy: Don't fuck it up.
Wendy: So.
Siren: Were you the first lesbian
Siren: relationship that your your
Siren: partner brought home to her
Siren: kids?
Wendy: Yes. Yes. I was the first woman
Wendy: that she brought home to the
Wendy: kids.
Wendy: Yeah.
Wendy: Um.
Siren: How did that feel?
Wendy: I think that their mother is very, like, much an advocate of,
Wendy: like, so many different things.
Wendy: The queer community, the black community being, you know, like
Wendy: such a girl's girl and an advocate for so many different
Wendy: things that the kids weren't really too fazed by it.
Wendy: Now that they're getting older, I think, and we've circled back
Wendy: around to each other and they have more of like, life
Wendy: perspectives and their dad and Stepmom's perspective and their
Wendy: moms that they're starting to make other decisions.
Wendy: That's.
Wendy: You know, their mom's kind of
Wendy: like, what the who the fuck are
Wendy: these kids?
Wendy: You know what I mean?
Wendy: Yeah, because they're starting
Wendy: to, like, kind of move the other
Wendy: way.
Wendy: So it might be an issue to where
Wendy: they might not want her mom to
Wendy: be in like, a relationship with
Wendy: a woman, but we're still kind of
Wendy: exploring that.
Wendy: I hope that's not the case, but like, I just want them to have
Wendy: an open space and I'm always going to, like, love them and
Wendy: treat them like they're my own and like, be there for them if
Wendy: they want me to.
Siren: Yeah.
Wendy: I mean, I hope they do, but if
Wendy: they don't, I as much as it
Wendy: would bother me and hurt me, I
Wendy: just have to respect whatever
Wendy: they want.
Wendy: Yeah.
Wendy: You know.
Wendy: I'm gonna try to do my best to
Wendy: just show them that, like I love
Wendy: them.
Siren: Yeah. So when you were talking
Siren: about the kids stealing your
Siren: stuff and, like, acting out a
Siren: little bit.
Siren: One of the things that I will say, and this is just a point to
Siren: you and a point to any potential stepparents in the room.
Siren: Kids don't misbehave at home if they don't trust the people that
Siren: they live at home with.
Wendy: Yeah.
Siren: Um, that's where they test their boundaries.
Siren: That's that's where they learn.
Siren: That's where they grow with someone they feel safe with.
Siren: So I would take that as.
Wendy: It's like any attention is good
Wendy: attention, whether it's bad
Wendy: behavior or good behavior, you
Wendy: know.
Siren: Yeah. But they don't misbehave.
Siren: They don't they don't like, like, do anything awful outside
Siren: the house with other people.
Siren: Right.
Siren: Um, because they know what's appropriate and what's not.
Wendy: Yeah, exactly.
Wendy: But it's definitely hard for both parties.
Wendy: I feel like people with kids and
Wendy: people that are coming into the
Wendy: relationship with kids because
Wendy: it's like, do you not love
Wendy: someone that you love and not be
Wendy: with them because of like your
Wendy: kids might not be for it in that
Wendy: moment, and you just hope that
Wendy: they just grow to love that
Wendy: person and they see that, like
Wendy: this person makes mom happy, you
Wendy: know?
Siren: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
Wendy: My parents are dead.
Siren: Oh.
Wendy: Oh, both of them.
Wendy: My parents died before I was thirty.
Wendy: So, um, I would say before they passed away, I had a semi decent
Wendy: relationship with my mom.
Wendy: Um, adopted, um, it's like a blended family because there's
Wendy: five of us that are biological.
Wendy: Four girls, me included, and one boy.
Wendy: And then I was adopted by my
Wendy: adopted mother, who I consider
Wendy: my mother when I was six because
Wendy: her and my dad got married and
Wendy: she had four kids and he had
Wendy: five, and she adopted all five
Wendy: of his kids, and he adopted two
Wendy: of her four whose dads walking
Wendy: around.
Wendy: And so I don't consider them like step or anything.
Wendy: Yeah, but my parents died before I was thirty.
Wendy: My dad and I didn't really have a good relationship.
Wendy: Um, he was into, unfortunately, rugs.
Wendy: And he died because of that.
Wendy: His heart went out essentially.
Wendy: Um, for a long time.
Wendy: He was very, like, took care of all of us.
Wendy: Took care of, like the two of the four of my adopted mom.
Wendy: Took care of, like the three of my stepmom's kids because their
Wendy: dad was really in and out.
Wendy: But once we got to a certain
Wendy: age, he kind of just went
Wendy: downhill.
Wendy: And him, my stepmom got into,
Wendy: you know, doing stuff, and he
Wendy: passed away.
Wendy: And then my stepmom stopped doing the said rugs.
Wendy: And then a couple years after he passed away, she got cancer.
Wendy: Um, um, you find out how many
Wendy: health problems you have when
Wendy: you're not doing all that stuff,
Wendy: you know, when you're not
Wendy: smoking.
Wendy: Smith.
Siren: Yeah. And yeah.
Wendy: So and she passed away like three years after he did.
Wendy: Yeah.
Wendy: But my mom has been passed away of twenty years of cancer.
Wendy: So I don't think you get to a
Wendy: point where you don't need your
Wendy: mom.
Wendy: Yeah.
Wendy: Like I wish I and my grandma was like my mom, but my grandma has
Wendy: also been passed away now for like seven years.
Wendy: And she was like my best friend, but she was also hella
Wendy: religious, so that she didn't preach to me.
Wendy: But I knew that she didn't agree with my lifestyle and we kind of
Wendy: just didn't talk about it.
Wendy: She gave me a she did give me advice about my first wife and
Wendy: did not like her at all.
Wendy: And grandma was right.
Wendy: But.
Siren: Well, yeah, I mean, grandma was right.
Siren: It seems like grandma was a badass.
Wendy: But she was a badass.
Wendy: But there was like a moment in
Wendy: time where we were talking
Wendy: about, you know, it was coming
Wendy: up to where the whole, like,
Wendy: being able to get married and it
Wendy: being legal in Indiana and in a
Wendy: lot of states, and I remember I
Wendy: don't I'm not disrespectful to
Wendy: my grandmother.
Wendy: Never.
Wendy: I didn't cuss in front of her.
Wendy: I couldn't even put a cuss word in the Facebook post.
Wendy: She's like the FCC regulating that shit.
Wendy: And I remember we were at lunch, I think, at Olive garden or
Wendy: somewhere, and I walked out because I was so upset that they
Wendy: just did not get it, that like, I was upset that I just couldn't
Wendy: fucking marry the person I had been with for like eight years.
Wendy: Yeah.
Wendy: You know what I mean?
Wendy: And I was just like, why?
Wendy: How do you not understand that?
Wendy: And I end up getting up and
Wendy: walking out, and I probably
Wendy: would have never done that, but
Wendy: I was just like, the older I
Wendy: get, the more passionate I am
Wendy: about it.
Siren: I feel the same way about like
Siren: the apathy that I feel from my
Siren: my dad.
Siren: I'll say.
Siren: Yeah.
Siren: Um, it's hard to talk about
Siren: people who are still alive on a
Siren: podcast that they might listen
Siren: to.
Siren: But, dad, if you're listening to this right now.
Siren: And you still haven't called me to apologize.
Wendy: You fuck you.
Siren: Fuck you like fuck you.
Siren: Seriously?
Siren: Like what else?
Siren: What other hand could I send you?
Wendy: You better, dad, do better.
Siren: My relationship with all this.
Siren: Because I'm like, all this stuff that, like.
Siren: Like it seems like you have a very.
Siren: It's very much just you.
Siren: Yeah.
Wendy: Yeah, yeah.
Wendy: Um. It is, it is me and.
Wendy: That sucks.
Wendy: When you have a bunch of siblings, like it really does.
Wendy: And you have a twin sister.
Wendy: It really sucks that you really,
Wendy: your family doesn't believe in,
Wendy: like, breaking generational
Wendy: curses and having therapy and
Wendy: maybe being on something for
Wendy: your anxiety and your
Wendy: depression.
Wendy: Yeah, that's not alcohol or, you know.
Wendy: Yeah.
Wendy: Other stuff.
Wendy: So I just puts a hinder on things.
Wendy: But, um.
Siren: You're making your own family,
Siren: though, and you've made your own
Siren: family.
Wendy: I have, yeah, I definitely have.
Wendy: It's.
Wendy: It used to make me so upset because I went out of my way,
Wendy: and I done so much for them.
Wendy: And they all have kids and I have so many nieces and nephews.
Wendy: I'm a great aunt ten times over.
Wendy: That shit is wild to say, but
Wendy: it's like I've gotten to the
Wendy: point where I am okay with me,
Wendy: and whoever is going to be in my
Wendy: space and in my circle is going
Wendy: to be good for my peace and my
Wendy: heart.
Wendy: And if you're not, I'm okay with putting that boundary up until
Wendy: you figure it out.
Siren: Yep, yep.
Siren: And it's it's weird because it's like easier to do kind of with
Siren: people who aren't family to be like, no, listen.
Siren: Like get your shit together.
Siren: Like what?
Siren: The family I feel like for me
Siren: was always sad to be, like, the
Siren: strongest thing.
Siren: Like we needed to protect those bonds.
Siren: We needed to protect the bonds of blood, because that's like,
Siren: that's what's going to last.
Siren: Like your your relationship with your siblings.
Siren: I was told I was told so many times over that my relationship
Siren: with my siblings was going to be like, the most important thing
Siren: that I ever had in my life.
Wendy: I mean, I so wish it was.
Siren: Yeah, right.
Siren: I so wish it was.
Siren: I wish, and it is to an extent, it's not the most important
Siren: relationship that I have in my life, but like it is, it is an
Siren: important relationship I have.
Siren: I will say, but I was also the child of divorce.
Siren: So my parents got divorced when I was ten.
Siren: I went through both of my parents bringing home people.
Siren: My mom brought home one person
Siren: and ended up marrying that
Siren: person and they are still
Siren: married today.
Siren: Um, my dad brought home.
Wendy: Can I ask how that person, like, treats you?
Wendy: He like, is he good to you.
Siren: At this point in my life?
Siren: He avoids me.
Wendy: Wow.
Siren: Yeah. He avoids me at this point because he knows he's again.
Siren: Stepfather.
Siren: If you are listening to this
Siren: episode of the podcast like, I'm
Siren: not.
Siren: No, I'm not gonna say fuck you.
Siren: Like, honestly, I'm fucking surprised.
Siren: Like I'm it.
Siren: It would blow me away if he was here listening to this podcast.
Siren: And honestly, why don't you just
Siren: pause here and send me a then
Siren: just give me a call and we can
Siren: talk.
Siren: Oh, but when he when he came into my life, he had his way of
Siren: doing things and he still has his way of doing things.
Siren: So and as like someone who was
Siren: trying to hold on to any aspect
Siren: of family stuff that felt like
Siren: used to be my dad's thing and
Siren: became his thing, and he did it
Siren: differently, wasn't it didn't
Siren: feel good.
Siren: My mom also had this thing that
Siren: he was not allowed to discipline
Siren: us or like, like do anything
Siren: like that, which was thank fuck
Siren: because, oh my God, his kids
Siren: were Like I heard stories about
Siren: how he treated them, like to
Siren: discipline them.
Siren: So I'm really glad.
Wendy: I was gonna ask you that, honestly.
Wendy: Like how you feel about, like, in your relationship when it
Wendy: comes to like, your kids?
Wendy: Like.
Wendy: Because when it comes to mind, like, she's the one that is the.
Siren: Yeah.
Wendy: She's the one that gets on to them.
Wendy: What?
Wendy: I can be a backup and be like, yeah, that's not cool.
Siren: Yeah. Yeah.
Wendy: But like as far as, like any
Wendy: punishments or getting onto
Wendy: them, that's that's her job I
Wendy: don't.
Wendy: And she wants it that way.
Wendy: Yeah.
Wendy: And that's I wonder if like if someone feels upset about that,
Wendy: that they don't have a say and like they're the step parent.
Siren: I think he felt upset about that.
Siren: I would say that he probably
Siren: felt upset about that because he
Siren: had a very particular way of
Siren: doing things.
Siren: And when he realized that he wasn't going to get that way
Siren: with us, that like we became the barrier to his joy.
Siren: So, yeah, and it is what it is.
Siren: Like he if he harbored resentment.
Siren: He did.
Siren: He did he?
Siren: Honestly, I didn't.
Siren: I don't think he cared that much, to be honest.
Siren: Ultimately, I don't think he cared that much.
Siren: And I think at this point he just doesn't care because
Siren: whenever we have a conversation, it used to be before I came out,
Siren: playful back and forth discussions like arguments, more
Siren: debate stuff, whether it be politics or what this thing or
Siren: the other about, like it generally has to do with
Siren: politics or policy or like what's going on in the world.
Siren: Yeah.
Siren: And then when I became part of
Siren: the minority groups that he was
Siren: talking about, he couldn't just
Siren: win every conversation with big
Siren: words.
Wendy: Yeah. No.
Siren: You know, like. Yeah. And I think he got upset at losing.
Siren: So now he.
Siren: And by losing I hate even just saying losing.
Siren: He got upset with the fact that his idea of what was right was
Siren: challenged in an effective way.
Siren: Um, and he didn't know how to lose his ass.
Wendy: That's what you did?
Siren: Yeah, a bit of.
Wendy: It these.
Siren: Days. Yeah, I cooked him.
Siren: Yeah. Um, he got cooked.
Siren: Uh, no, but that's fine.
Siren: Like, honestly, with him too, if he wants to apologize and not
Siren: even I don't even know.
Siren: Like, if he wants to have a conversation, we can have a
Siren: conversation, but he doesn't want to, and it's not worth my
Siren: time or energy to go maintain a relationship that someone
Siren: doesn't want to have with me.
Wendy: Yeah.
Siren: You know what I mean?
Wendy: Yeah, because at one point
Wendy: you're like, why do I keep on
Wendy: trying?
Wendy: Like, yeah, how many years have has your mom been married to
Wendy: your step dad?
Wendy: That father.
Siren: Uh, twenty plus years at this point.
Siren: Twenty five years?
Wendy: Plus years.
Wendy: That is something that, like, I want them to think of me as,
Wendy: like a bonus parent.
Wendy: Like I want them to know that,
Wendy: like, I love them as much as
Wendy: their mother does
Wendy: unconditionally.
Wendy: I have their back.
Wendy: They can come to me and talk to me about anything and like I if
Wendy: I was a parent, I would like want my partner to want that.
Wendy: And if they didn't do that or want that, I don't know that
Wendy: they would be a partner for me.
Siren: Yeah. Yeah. That's fair.
Siren: And I think my mom probably does want that, but is over it at
Siren: this point over trying.
Siren: So it's fine.
Siren: It's whatever.
Siren: Like we avoid each other.
Siren: It's but okay.
Siren: He's on the topic of conversation.
Siren: We're talking about him way too much.
Siren: Um.
Siren: Yeah.
Siren: Uh, no. But like, for me, then, as a child of divorce and
Siren: experiencing that, I've come into my relationship currently
Siren: having two kids from a previous relationship, and I am now
Siren: trying to figure out how to introduce my kids to my partner.
Siren: And I figure out, I mean, I have like she's been in her life now
Siren: for like probably a bit over a year And has been an amazing
Siren: influence on them.
Siren: The and an influence on me.
Siren: Honestly, there have been aspects and disagreements, but I
Siren: think the biggest thing that has worked and the biggest thing
Siren: that I would suggest to anybody is communication, both with your
Siren: your partner, with your kids, and if you have a good
Siren: relationship with your ex, a conversation with your ex about
Siren: it too is worthwhile because your kids are spending time with
Siren: your ex too.
Siren: But ultimately, like kids.
Siren: Kids care like kids see love more than they see gender.
Siren: Kids see love more than they see
Siren: any aspect of someone's
Siren: sexuality.
Siren: They know whether you care about them or whether or not you are
Siren: just trying to, like, get through them or like, I don't
Siren: know if that's the right word for it, but like that.
Wendy: Yeah.
Siren: Like if they're an obstacle for you.
Wendy: That's been your conversation too.
Wendy: Like with any backlash about us being together.
Wendy: Because there's been some because we've had, you know,
Wendy: we've been kind of we both hurt each other with trauma from
Wendy: other things in life.
Wendy: And I'm just like, I hope they get to the point where they see,
Wendy: like, mom can be like her softest self when she's around
Wendy: Wendy, when she's with Wendy, and Wendy takes that weight off
Wendy: of her so she doesn't have to be so strong all the time about it.
Siren: That sounds like a lot of weight you're picking up.
Wendy: It is, but I'm okay with it.
Wendy: I'm okay with it.
Wendy: I'm strong enough to take it and pick it up and hold it.
Wendy: And then, you know, sometimes I need her to hold it.
Wendy: I'll give it back to her.
Siren: But in terms of bringing queer relationships back to kids, I
Siren: think the last the last point to talk about here is when we show
Siren: up real in front of kids, when we show up as our full self,
Siren: like as our like as as you being out as your your queer beautiful
Siren: self with purple eyebrows.
Siren: Tonight only, uh, and me being out as my self over here.
Siren: Our acceptance of ourselves
Siren: models that behavior for
Siren: children.
Siren: Our self-acceptance models that behavior for our kids.
Siren: And that's what the opportunity is to do.
Siren: So when when asked the question,
Siren: do I want to hide my new partner
Siren: from my kids, or do I want to
Siren: show who I am openly to my
Siren: children?
Siren: I want them to see that.
Siren: I want them to benefit from that visibility, too.
Siren: Um, but yeah, anything else on this, this topic, babe?
Wendy: Not only that, but it like, can you imagine how different a
Wendy: world is going to be to have more people like ourselves
Wendy: showing children that they can show up as theirself, and we're
Wendy: not putting everybody in a box, and we're not judging people by
Wendy: who they love the color of their skin, their sexual orientation,
Wendy: their sexuality, their gender.
Wendy: You know what I mean?
Wendy: How better things can be by just
Wendy: being accepting of everyone and
Wendy: not thinking it's such a big
Wendy: deal and you have to hide from
Wendy: that shit.
Siren: Yeah.
Wendy: And your kids are going to grow
Wendy: up to be way more inclusive with
Wendy: other people and stick up for
Wendy: other people.
Wendy: Yeah, because of that.
Siren: And we already see that changing, which is beautiful.
Siren: Like we already see that
Siren: changing for families and for
Siren: children.
Siren: When I finally did it, I
Siren: realized I wasn't just
Siren: introducing them to someone I
Siren: love.
Siren: I was showing them that it's okay to love bravely.
Wendy: That's what being a queer parent really is loving out loud so
Wendy: they can grow up unafraid.
Siren: Alright dessert's up.
Siren: Let's wrap this up with the last lick.
Wendy: The last lick.
Siren: The last lick.
Siren: POW pow pow pow pow pow.
Siren: That was more of a slurp than a lick.
Wendy: I wasn't, I wasn't.
Wendy: But the sweetest way to end a queer conversation.
Siren: Yes. Uh, where we answer your
Siren: questions and leave you
Siren: something to chew on for next
Siren: time.
Siren: Yeah.
Wendy: Yes.
Siren: We do.
Wendy: Yeah. Heck, yeah.
Wendy: One over here from Jackie, I believe that.
Wendy: Wanted to know who are l word crushes were.
Siren: Oh, wow.
Siren: I need to look at.
Siren: I need to look at the cast.
Siren: Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
Wendy: Uh, can I go first?
Siren: Yes, please.
Siren: Just just go, just go, just go, just go.
Wendy: The last lick would be juicy as fuck, but.
Wendy: Jennifer Beals.
Wendy: reals.
Wendy: Oh, my God, that woman is a fucking.
Wendy: Bet.
Siren: Lara. Lara. Perkins. Lauren Lee
Siren: Smith, the redhead for the
Siren: tennis.
Siren: The tennis player.
Siren: Redhead.
Siren: Yeah.
Siren: Or not?
Siren: The tennis player.
Siren: The chef, the chef.
Siren: She's mine.
Wendy: Oh, no. Oh, she was so cute, too.
Wendy: She's the one that dated Dana.
Siren: Yeah.
Wendy: Yeah. She was such a cutie patootie.
Siren: Oh my God.
Wendy: Yeah.
Siren: I do have a little bit of a thing for redheads.
Wendy: Oh, fuck. Yeah. Yeah. Same samesies.
Wendy: Little fiery redhead.
Wendy: Okay.
Siren: Yeah.
Wendy: Okay. Yeah. Okay.
Siren: Okay. That sounds like a really
Siren: delicious last lick, if I'm
Siren: being honest.
Wendy: Scrumdiddlyumptious.
Siren: Any any closing reflections
Siren: before we move into these last
Siren: couple lines?
Wendy: No.
Siren: No.
Wendy: No, we we've we've covered a lot of space.
Siren: Yeah, we did.
Wendy: Get you a tall baddie with a fatty.
Siren: Yeah.
Wendy: Climb that bitch like a tree.
Siren: Yeah, absolutely.
Siren: That's what you're looking forward to.
Wendy: Get you a tall redhead with a fatty?
Wendy: Yeah.
Siren: Oh my gosh.
Siren: I think my one of the big takeaways I have is that this
Siren: awakening is a lifelong process, that it's not something that
Siren: happens overnight, that it's something that happens day by
Siren: day, piece by piece.
Siren: As we discover more and more
Siren: pieces of pieces about who we
Siren: are.
Siren: I feel like I have a general understanding and hold on myself
Siren: and who I am right now, but I, judging by the evidence set
Siren: forth for me by the thirty six years of life I've lived prior
Siren: to this, I'm very likely it's not the case.
Wendy: Mhm. Yeah. No, you gotta definitely stay curious, stay
Wendy: queer and keep it all dunkers.
Siren: Let's do it.
Speaker: Thanks for listening to episode three of tongue First.
Speaker: If this conversation cracked
Speaker: open, something in you, a memory
Speaker: a moment, or a delicious queer
Speaker: epiphany, we want to hear about
Speaker: it.
Speaker: Be sure to follow, subscribe, and leave a review wherever you
Speaker: get your podcasts.
Speaker: Your support helps us reach more
Speaker: queer folks who need spaces like
Speaker: this.
Speaker: New episodes drop every other week, and you can always join
Speaker: the chaos live on TikTok, where episodes are recorded live.
Speaker: And.
Speaker: Yeah, let's take out that line.
Speaker: Let's do that live on TikTok,
Speaker: where episodes are recorded
Speaker: live.
Speaker: Okay, I want to start with this paragraph here.
Speaker: New episodes drop every other week, and you can always join
Speaker: the Chaos Live on TikTok, where episodes are recorded.
Speaker: Until then, stay curious, stay
Speaker: queer, and don't forget to lick
Speaker: responsibly.
Siren: Tongue first has written and
Siren: hosted by Aubree Jane Jones and
Siren: Wendy Reaves.
Siren: Produced and edited by Aubree Jane Jones.
Siren: Recorded live with our TikTok
Siren: communities where chaos and
Siren: curiosity collide.
Siren: Special thanks to our TikTok moderators for keeping things
Siren: running smoothly, and to Brookdale for lending her voice
Siren: to our intro and outro.