I'd like to speak today on covenant faithfulness
and joy in marriage. We're going to read, first
of all, from the book of Proverbs, chapter 5,
verse 15 to 21. And then we're going to move
over to Philippians, chapter 2. So let us first
hear the word of God as it is given to us in
the book of Proverbs and chapter 5, beginning
in verse 15. Drink water from your own cistern
and running water from your own well. Should
your fountains be dispersed abroad, streams of
water in the streets, let them be only your own
and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain
be blessed and rejoice with the wife of your
youth. As a loving dear and a graceful doe, let
her breast satisfy you at all times and always
be enraptured with her love. For why should you,
my son, be enraptured by an immoral woman and
be embraced in the arms of a seductress? For
the ways of man are before the eyes of the Lord,
and he ponders all his paths. Now let's look
over to the book of Philippians, chapter 2. Beginning
in verse 12. Therefore, my beloved, as you have
always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but
now much more in my absence, work out your own
salvation with fear and trembling. For it is
God who works in you both to will and to do for
his good pleasure. Do all things without complaining
and disputing that you may become blameless and
harmless. children of God without fault in the
midst of a crooked and a perverse generation,
among whom you shine as lights in the world,
holding fast the word of life, that I may rejoice
in the day of Christ, that I have not run in
vain or labored in vain. Let's ask the Lord for
his blessing on this time in the word. Father,
thank you for the privilege that it is to look
into your word today and to study it. We pray,
Lord, that as we look once more at the subject
of marriage, we ask God for your blessing on
this time. We pray, Lord, that for open hearts
and open ears that might hear and understand
your word. And I pray, Lord, that I might be
able to speak in the power of the Holy Spirit,
speaking your thoughts and your words and communicating
truth, Lord, and not falsehood. We pray, O Lord,
bless us with your presence and with the power
of the Spirit today as we hear and preach. We
pray in Jesus' name. Amen. The sermon today is
the fifth and the last one in the marriage series.
We have looked at the picture of marriage as
revealed in God's creation of this wonderful
institution and of the mysterious way in which
marriage reflects the relationship of Christ
and the church. Today, I hope to conclude. by
identifying sins that degrade and destroy marriage,
and then give some practical points on how to
be faithful in marriage and live together with
joy. That is to be and to enjoy the covenant
of marriage. For indeed, marriage is a covenant.
It is an oath that is made before God with duties
and responsibilities that each promises to do.
Now, in preaching on this subject, I understand
that some of you here are not married, and that's
okay. You can sit in and listen, but I also hope
that it's something that will be beneficial to
you for in the future if God should bless you
with a wife or with a husband. Robert Capon wrote,
Marriage is honorable among all and the bed undefiled.
Who can praise it as he should? Children are
like arrows in the hands of a giant. Happy is
the man whose quiver is full, whose wife is like
the fruitful vine upon the walls of his house,
whose children are like the olive branches round
about his table. With sons like young plants
and daughters like polished corners, he beholds
how good and joyful a thing it is for brethren
to dwell together in unity. Then he continues,
but be honest. The precious oil on Aaron's beard
doesn't often reach the skirts of our clothing.
It is hard to make a home. It is hard for one
man and one woman to live together under one
roof for as long as God wills. It is hard to
raise a family. So let's be frank. When you get
married, you are both sinners and that sin affects
your marriage and your relationship. The all
-knowing God sees your frame, the frame of you
as a wife and of you as a husband. And he is
for you. He is our helper and our strength. But
we must also be realistic that we carry sins
with us into the marriage. And we sin one against
the other. David reminds us of this in Psalm
103, verse 13 and 14, when he says, as a father
pities his children, so the Lord pities those
who fear him, for he knows our frame. He remembers
that we are dust. And God, in his infinite wisdom
and holy counsel, has ordained and planned that
marriage would be an instrument of sanctification
in us. Both of your lives. To the both of you.
The very example of Christ. Loving his sinful
bride. Of washing and cleansing her. Speaks to
this. As Ephesians 5 reads. Christ also loved
the church. And gave himself for her. Why? That
he might sanctify and cleanse her. With the washing
of water by the word. The need for us to submit
to Christ as his bride shows the active work
of obedience and sanctification. And so you as
a husband and you as a wife, you both belong
to God and your marriage belongs to God. Your
marriage belongs to him. You don't set the standard,
he does. So I want to consider a few points today
in this end of the series. Number one. Marriage
is an instrument of sanctification. We looked
at sanctification as I read Philippians chapter
2 verse 12 through 16. How that we are to work
out our salvation with fear and trembling. That
it is God who is in us. He works in us that we
might will that which is good. And also that
we might do what is good for his good pleasure.
And we're to do these things without complaining
and without disputing. As you live together,
you have the opportunity and privilege to daily
learn how to work out your own salvation as you
live with your spouse. But first, we need to
look at sin. We want to consider the besetting
sins that happen in marriage. Where two distinct
individuals come together and they each bring
a host of expectations, of ideals. and of goals.
Now, sometimes these are lofty goals. Sometimes
they are not, and they need to be sanctified
and changed. But at the same time, as we come
together in marriage, we carry with us sins that
degrade, that hinder, and that, if left unchecked,
will destroy our marriage and us. We need sanctification.
Marriage is a microcosm of how to maintain relationships
in this world between sinful and fallen creatures.
You see, we can avoid people outside who show
us up, but it is much harder to do in a marriage.
Our spouse, most of the time, say 99 % of the
time, knows us better. than anyone else and they
see both our good points and they see our sins
we live in close proximity and so we see each
other's sins and flaws firsthand now but before
we get into looking at some of the sins let's
define what is sanctification it's a big word
it's used in the scriptures so sanctification
is the working out of your salvation now let
me be quick to say God has saved you. If you
have trusted in him, if you are a believer in
Christ, it is God who has saved you. You do not
contribute one iota to your salvation. It is
God who saves you. It is God who raises from
the dead. both in a spiritual way within the
dead and cold hearts of we as sinners and who
will raise up our bodies on the last day. That
is God and God alone. He saves us. We repented
and believe in Christ Jesus by faith because
of His work and of the drawing of the Holy Spirit.
And I'll say right here, if you do not have that
relationship, if you do not know God, if you
have not come to a saving... faith in Christ
that I urge you to call upon him for he will
answer and will save. But he tells us that we
need to work out this salvation. So he saves
us and then we work it out by the power of the
spirit. Work out your own salvation, he says
in Philippians 2. Sanctification. is the process
of being made holy and without blemish and being
more like Christ. Just as we live and we walk
with Christ, we should know Him more and more
and become more like Him. And so also your marriage,
as you get to know one another and you interact
together and you are one flesh and you work together
and you deal with sin and you serve Christ, your
marriage should also age well, just like a fine
wine. And as you get older and live together
longer, you are more blessed and more united
in your marriage. 1 Thessalonians 4, verse 3
through 7 tells us, for this is the will of God,
your sanctification. This is the will of God
that we as believing we as believers, we who
have trusted in Christ, that we become more and
more sanctified. He goes on, that you should
abstain from sexual immorality, that each of
you should know how to possess his own vessel
in sanctification and honor, not in the passion
of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God,
that no one... should take advantage of and defraud
his brother in this matter because the Lord is
the avenger of all such as we have also forewarned
you and testified. For God did not call us to
uncleanness but in holiness. This is sanctification.
And my prayer for you is that of Paul in 1 Thessalonians
5 that the God of peace himself would sanctify
you completely. And may your whole spirit and
soul and body be preserved blameless at the coming
of our Lord Jesus Christ. But in order to understand
sanctification and the work of the Spirit that
makes us clean and that enables us to be holy
and to work out this salvation, we need to understand
what we need to be sanctified from. What do we
need to be sanctified from? What are the sins
that bedevil us and that are common to us? We
must identify them in order to deal with them
and to repent, to ask forgiveness and by the
power of the Holy Spirit to put them to death.
Now some of these are sins that easily come to
both husbands and wives and some are more common
to one or to the other. I'm going to quickly
go through a number of sins of besetting sins
of husbands and just look at them quickly. These
are common, especially to husbands, although
some of them apply to wives. And then I'm going
to go down through a list for wives as well.
I'm going to do this fairly fast. For the sake
of time, I'm not going to say a whole lot about
them other than just making sure that it's clarified
and have a passage that goes with it. So first
of all, we're going to look to you husbands.
What are your besetting sins? What are sins that
are common to you? Number one, laziness and apathy.
Ephesians 4 verse 28 says, Let him that stalls
steal no longer, but rather let him labor, working
with his hands what is good, that he may have
something to give to him who has need. A man
is created by God to work. And so one of his
chief temptations is to be lazy or apathetic.
The command to work, by the way, was given before
the fall, not after the fall. It was made more
difficult after the fall. But the command to
work was from the very beginning of creation.
A man is called to work. He is created to work.
The second one, second besetting sin, is that
of harshness and bitterness. Colossians chapter
3 verse 19. Husbands, love your wives and do
not be bitter. against them or harsh against
them, according to some translations. Love your
wives, brothers, and do not be bitter against
them. And this bitterness often finds its way
in snapping, in sarcasm, or giving them the silent
treatment, or rolling your eyes at them, or yelling
and demanding. All of these things can take place
as being harsh and bitter. There are other outworkings
as well. But I'll leave the Lord, work out greater
details as you look to him. So harshness and
bitterness. Number three, unforgiveness and grudge
holding. Ephesians 4 and verse 32, and be kind
to one another, tenderhearted. forgiving one
another, even as God in Christ forgave you. God
does not stand over you with a sword of Democles
or just a sword hanging on a thread that at any
time he can just cut that and you're going to
be struck dead. He forgives you in Christ. We
experience the glory and the blessing of God
in his forgiveness. And here Paul tells us we
are to love one another, we're to be kind one
another, be tenderhearted, to forgive one another
like Christ, like God who through Christ or in
Christ has forgiven us. That is how we are to
extend forgiveness to one another. Holding grudges
is wrong, and sometimes it is done for years.
This is not the way of the gospel. As Christ
forgave us, so also we must forgive others, and
especially our spouse and our wife. Number four,
the love of money and lack of provision. 1 Timothy
5 and verse 8. But if anyone does not provide
for his own and especially for those of his household,
he has denied the faith and is worse than an
unbeliever. And also chapter 6, verse 10 of 1
Timothy. For the love of money is a root of all
kinds of evil. for which some have strayed from
the faith in their greediness and pierced themselves
through with many sorrows. So we see here kind
of the two together. There is the love or the
inordinate love of money. Now, God has blessed
us with money, some more than others, and that's
according to his disposition. God also rewards
faithfulness at times with great blessings. But
we are not to love the money. We're to love the
giver. And so the love of money creates problems
in us. But at the same time, we are also to work,
to work hard. Why? So that we can provide for
ourselves. We can provide for our wives. We can
provide for our families. And we can have some
leftover to bless others. If we do not, as we
are able to, if we do not provide, especially
for our own household paul is very clear here
in the book of first timothy we have denied the
faith and we are worse than an infidel or an
unbeliever these are very serious words and so
one of the sins is either love of money but also
then the lack of provision number five failing
to honor your wife as an heir together of the
grace of life. 1 Peter 3, we are commanded in
verse 7, husbands, this is to you, husbands likewise,
dwell with them, that is your wives, dwell with
your wife with understanding, giving honor to
the wife as to the weaker vessel and as being
heirs together of the grace of life that your
prayers be not hindered. When you dishonor your
wife, brothers, by not taking time to hear and
to listen to what she has to say or by putting
her down, by demeaning her and not by considering
her counsel, when you do not value her gifts
or you load on her burdens that she should not
bear, then you are not honoring her as an heir
together of the grace of life and consequently
your prayers are hindered. And I don't understand
all exactly how that works. I'm just saying the
scripture is very clear. Your prayers are hindered.
So we fail to honor our wife as an heir together
of God's grace. Number six, the sin of neglect,
of neglect. In other words, it's not so much
that we're committing an action of sin. but it's
what we're not doing. The scriptures define in
that way as there are sins that we commit or
sins of commission. And then there are sins of
omission where we don't do what we are called
to do. And that neglect is one of those where
we simply neglect. And this can be neglect, especially
as Ephesians 5 points out, the neglect of washing
your wife with the word. Or it can also be the
neglect of teaching your children and thus you
put great... much greater burden on on her because
you are not teaching the children and you are
not instructing them in the ways of god and so
it falls on her to do it all that also might
be in family worship or teaching the word of
god or in many other ways this can happen of
simply neglect can also mean that you provoke
your children and thus create issues even with
uh of between them and their mother ephesians
5 Verse 25 and 26. Husbands, love your wives
just as Christ also loved the church and gave
himself for her that he might sanctify and cleanse
her with the washing of water by the word. Husbands,
you need to lead your wife in the word. Lead
her in the word. When you distance yourself from
the active duties that God requires of you as
a husband and as a father, you dishonor God and
you set the stage for potential bitterness and
deep hurts in your wife and in your children.
The goal is to honor God by building up your
wife so that she is glorious and beautiful, just
like Christ does the church. You may not do active
things against them, but the neglect of the duties
and care is very, very damaging. Number seven,
selfishness and self -centered living. Ephesians
5 verse 33 in the first part says, nevertheless,
let each one of you, speaking to husbands in
particular, so love his wife, how? As himself.
Now in their position as head, men can very easily
get full of themselves. Thinking of themselves
more highly than they ought to think. They can
become demanding. They can become self -serving.
The focus becomes on themselves rather than those
on their care. Selfishness can be deeply rooted
in the heart. And here we are commanded to love
our wife as we love ourselves. Which deals with
selfishness. Number eight, stubbornness and blockheadedness.
Now, I grew up German. I mean, I'm from all German
descent. And there's just this saying, and it's
pretty much characteristic, that Germans just
really tend to be blockheaded and stubborn. And
you can see it in all sorts of different ways,
even to this day, if you travel in Germany or
live around Germanic people. But it's not exclusive
to us. For it is something that really is something
that we all face, that of simply being stubborn.
We want our own way. And so we become blockheaded.
We don't listen to others. God gave his word.
Why? In Psalm 78, so that they might set their
hope in God and not forget the works of God,
but keep his commandments and may not be like
their fathers, a stubborn. and rebellious generation.
A generation that did not set its heart aright
and whose spirit was not found faithful to God.
Proverbs 1 verse 5 says that a wise man will
hear and increase learning and a man of understanding
will attain wise counsel. Brothers, we need counsel.
And so often our wife is so suited to give us
good counsel. Now, sometimes we need additional
counsel outside, but God has placed her there
where she knows you. She knows how you tick.
She knows what you are made of. And so she can
give wise counsel so many times. So away with
stubbornness and blockheadedness. And number
nine, sinful lusts and desires. Colossians 3
verse 5. Therefore, put to death your members
which are on the earth. And then he starts listing
them. Fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil
desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.
Brothers, unrepentant evil desires will completely
destroy you and your household. They will destroy
you and they will destroy your household and
your children and the generations to come. Of
the immoral woman, Proverbs warns, Now therefore
listen to me, my children, pay attention to the
words of my mouth. Do not let your heart turn
aside to her ways. Do not stray into her paths,
for she has cast down many wounded and all who
were slain by her were strong men. Her house
is the way to hell. descending to the chambers
of death. This is speaking of the adulterous
woman. I do not know how many times I have seen
strong men, seemingly strong, robust men, strong
in business, even strong in professing Christians,
where they get utterly destroyed by being deceived
by their own lusts and going after women. unfaithful
women do not kid yourself brothers this is the
way to death and I will also say porn will do
the same thing avoid it stand against it if you
need help then by all means get help brothers
But I speak to you seriously. The covetousness
of the heart, the adultery of the heart will
also destroy you. It will destroy your marriage.
It will destroy your children. And so avoid it.
Deal with it. Put to death those sinful desires
and lusts of the flesh. And lastly, number 10,
brothers. The last sin that I'm going to deal
with is that there's no vision or mission for
your life and household. Your duty and responsibility
to your wife and to your family is not a nine
to five job. You are drafted by God into a mission.
It is not a hobby. Your family is not a hobby.
It is. You've been called by God into a glorious
mission of using your gifts and callings to serve
God with all your heart and soul and mind and
strength to glorify Him. And you have been given
a wife as a helper, one who can help you in that
mission. And your children are as arrows, Psalms
tells us. Genesis 1, 28, be fruitful, fill the
earth and subdue it. Rule over what God has given
to you and rule over it well. I love how someone
put it, your job description from Genesis 1,
verse 28, you're to dominate chaos for God's
glory. You dominate chaos. You look at what is
chaotic and you bring it into order for the glory
of God. You take dominion. This is Genesis 1,
verse 28. commands. Genesis 2 verse 15. The Lord
God took the man and put him in the garden to
work and to keep it. That to work is the Hebrew
word abad. It's like to cultivate. And then shamar,
to keep it, is to guard it. So you take what
God has given to you, whatever the mission is
that God and the gifts and abilities that he
has given to you, you go after it, you keep it,
you cultivate it, and you guard it from destruction
and from the evil one. You also are called to
rescue those being led away to death. Silence
while culture slaughters babies and marriages
and souls. If we just remain quiet about this,
if we just let it happen, then we are, as it
were, away without leave. And then Matthew 28,
in speaking again of the mission, Jesus tells
his disciples to go and make disciples of all
nations. And where does that start? It starts
right in your home, brothers. God has given you
the gift. If God has blessed you with children,
right there, you are called by God to disciple
them, to teach them the ways of God. And then
as you are able to, even in greater measure,
you do so. Jesus' last command on earth was a
marching order. It was not a suggestion. And
finally, 1 Corinthians 16, verse 13, in all of
this, watch. Stand fast in the faith. Be brave.
Be strong. The word brave there is the Greek
word. It is literally to play the man on a battlefield.
Play the man. The old King James put it this
way in the quaint use of the word quit. Quit
you like men. Stir yourself up as a man. These
are the sins of men that I've briefly and quickly
gone over. Now I'm going to turn to the wives.
What are the besetting sins? What are the common
sins of wives? The first one, I'm going to look
at several here. The first one is that of usurping
headship, of disrespect, and lack of submission.
The woman was created to be a helper to man.
So one of her chief temptations is to usurp his
role to strive for ascendancy. over him. It's
like the man was created for work, and so one
of his great temptations is to laziness and apathy.
So also for women, in being the helper to man
and to submit to him, one of her chief temptations
is to usurp his role, to strive for ascendancy.
Ephesians 5 .33, let the wife see that she respects
her husband. Colossians 3 .18, wives, submit
to your own husbands as it is fitting in the
Lord. This works itself out in various ways.
It might mean that you make every final call
on a decision or that you mock your husband's
ideas or that you rebel against him. For when
you do not biblically submit to your husband
and respect him, you will hold him back, you
will emasculate him, you will make him feel inadequate
and destroy his initiative to lead. Shanti Feldham
puts it like this to women and she writes, Just
as you need the man in your life to love you
unconditionally, even when you're not particularly
lovable, so also your man needs you to demonstrate
your respect for him, regardless of whether he's
meeting your expectations at the moment. Respect.
See the wife, the wife that she respects her
husband. Second is the sins of the tongue. That
is of nagging, discontentment, quarrelsomeness.
and contention. Proverbs 21 9 says it's better
to dwell in the corner of a housetop than in
a house shared with the contentious and a quarrelsome
woman. And also in 27 verse 15 a continual dripping
on a very rainy day and a contentious woman are
alike. And finally he says in 21 and verse 19
it is better to live in a desert land than with
a quarrelsome and a fretful woman. Nagging is
a constant harassing someone to do something
and indicates discontentment and disrespect.
Sins of the tongue expressed. But I will say
that a wife cannot nag her husband into mature
masculine leadership and the assumption of his
responsibilities. In other words, she cannot
lead and command him into being a leader in the
home. She is to be his helper, but nagging doesn't
help him. Rather, it makes both husband and wife
miserable. He needs to understand before God
that he is called to lead and to do it well.
And how is that accomplished? You need to pray.
Sometimes reminders are good. If you have trouble
remembering what needs to be done, like I do,
a reminder from your wife is extremely helpful
and it's good. That's not nagging, but continual
nagging, constant harassing someone will not
do anything. In fact, it will make the problem
worse. Third, being steered and driven by emotions
and feelings. This is one that is a very common
one to women. Proverbs 28, 26, he who trusts
in his own heart is a fool, but whoever walks
wisely will be delivered. Verse 26 to 28, sorry,
it's the same. He who trusts in his own heart
is a fool. One of my daughters said, sometimes
your feelings will directly lie to you and you
must preach the word to your own feelings like
David did to himself. in many of the Psalms.
So ladies, you need to speak God's word even
to your own feelings and emotions. They are not
good guides for you. Now, God gave us feelings.
God gave us emotions. And they can be great and
wonderful and good. They're part of who we are.
But if we let them steer us, if we let them drive
us, then... we will go in a wrong way. Here's
one example like David did to himself. He said
in Psalm 43, verse five, why are you cast down
on my soul? And why are you disquieted within
me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise him the
help of my countenance and my God. David was
preaching to his own emotions and feelings. Right
there. So watch out for that one. Number four,
inordinate dress. inordinate attention to dress
and to self -image. 1 Peter 3, in addressing
the women, says, Do not let your adornment be
merely outward, the arranging of the hair, wearing
gold, or putting on a fine apparel. Rather, let
it be the hidden person of the heart, with the
incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit,
which is very precious in the sight of God. Proverbs
31 verse 30, charm is deceitful and beauty is
passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she
shall be. Most women deeply care about how they
look and doing things to be beautiful is good
and right in their place. Psalm 45 verse 13 says,
Beauty is not wrong. It is not wrong to want
to make yourself beautiful and attractive if
it is held. to a proper place in your heart.
Because the scriptures also speak of temptation,
to vanity, to excess, and to impropriety. Like
1 Timothy 2 and verse 9, the women are to adorn
themselves in modest apparel with propriety and
moderation. That is one of the big keys. Number
five, manipulation and control. This is trying
to get your way by flattery, or by withholding
affection or favors, by deceitfulness, smooth
talking, tears, or creating drama. All of these
things are ways to manipulate and control to
get what you want. Psalm 12 verse 2 says, they
speak idly everyone with his neighbor with flattering
lips and a double heart they speak. May the Lord
cut off all flattering lips and the tongue that
speaks proud things who have said with our tongue
we will prevail. Our lips are our own. Who is
Lord over us? And that reminder there is there
sometimes when it just can well up within us
that who is Lord over me anyway? I want to do
what I want to do. Have you ever heard that?
I have. Again, 1 Peter 3 and verse 4. I'm sorry,
that's the wrong one. I jumped to the next one.
Of the adulterous woman, Proverbs says in chapter
7, verse 21, with much seductive speech, she
persuades him. With her smooth talk, she compels
him. Women, God has given you a wonderful gift.
You have the ability to influence, to speak to
something. And you know what? It's a good and
right thing that your husband wants to please
you. That's God -given. Scripture even speaks
of that, that the man seeks how he may please
his wife. But you can also just turn that and
use it to your own advantage to control and to
manipulate by all sorts of different ways. Number
six, there's more sins of the tongue. That is
gossip, slander, and loudness. A gossip betrays
a confidence. Proverbs 20 verse 19. Running to
your mom or to a group chat or to Instagram about
your husband's failures instead of to him and
to God. All can be a part of this. It can even
mean betrayal with a prayer request. Sometimes
that has happened as well. Let your adorning
be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable
beauty of a gentle. and a quiet spirit. This
is very precious in the sight of God. And then
number eight, fear and anxiety or anxiousness.
Because of the need to trust and to submit by
the commandment of God, fear of the unknown can
create anxiousness instead of faith and confidence
in God. Fear and anxiousness. Now the antidote,
God says in Philippians 4, is Prayer and thanksgiving.
Chapter 4, verse 6. Be anxious for nothing, but
in everything by prayer and supplication. With
thanksgiving, let your requests be made known
to God, and the peace of God, which surpasses
all understanding, will guard your hearts and
minds through Christ Jesus. But husbands, you
need to be able to lead your wife and help her
with all of these. But right now I'm speaking
especially to this one. Instead of dismissing
her anxieties and her fears, lead her through
them with encouragement, with God's word and
giving her support and also listening to her
cautions. Sometimes that fear comes because you've
just gone and blundering ahead with things rather
than wisely considering what she might have to
say about it. And so you can really help your
wife in coming to a place where she doesn't struggle
with fear or with anxiety nearly as much. Nonetheless,
Sometimes even with the very best of intentions,
fear and anxiety still set in. And so there you
need to be anxious for nothing, but come to the
Lord with thanksgiving and make your request
to him. Lastly, number eight, and that is bitterness.
Bitterness, where wrongs have been done to you.
And I go back. We do sin against each other.
Sometimes we deeply hurt one another. Sometimes
we create wounds and they're hard and they hurt
and they can fester. Beware of bitterness. Look
carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace
of God. Lest any root of bitterness springing
up cause trouble and by this many become defiled.
Do you keep a mental ledger of all of your husband's
sins or sigh loudly proclaiming your dissatisfaction
or say, I forgave him, but I'll never forget
and I will hold it against him. These are like
slow acid in a marriage cup and they will destroy.
Now, as you can see, there's a lot of overlap
in these sins and this list certainly does not
cover them all. But hear the words of James as
he speaks about some of these sins. He says,
chapter 3, verse 13, Who is wise and understanding
among you? Let him show by good conduct that
his works are done in the meekness of wisdom.
But if you have bitter envy and self -seeking
in your hearts, do not boast and lie against
the truth. This wisdom does not descend from
above. It is earthly, sensual, and demonic. For
where envy and self -seeking exist, confusion.
And every evil thing are there. And so to husbands
and wives, I say, the wisdom from above is first
pure, James says, then peaceable. It is gentle.
It is willing to yield. It is full of mercy and
good fruits. It is without partiality and it
is without hypocrisy. Now the fruit of righteousness
is sown in peace by those who make peace. So
seek to be peacemakers in your marriage. to love
one another in that way. We all stumble in many
ways, James says. If we do not stumble in word,
we're a perfect person, able to bridle the whole
body. But now since we know we sin and we offended
many ways, and since we are living in such close
proximity, how can we live with one another in
peace? How can marriage sanctify us? Well, your
wife knows you better than anyone else. And your
husband knows you, wife, better than anyone else.
And so you talk about these things. You be open
to input from your spouse and work for the sanctification
in each other, not with a beam in your own eye
and pick it at a speck, but you work for sanctification,
both of you in yourselves and in the other, not
in a harsh and a critical way, but with love
and care. and tenderness you help each other
to love God more sincerely to walk more purely
and to be at peace among yourselves when you
sin against each other as you do and as you will
confess the sin quickly don't brush it away or
just give a half -hearted or grudging apology
Yeah, if I've hurt you, I'm sorry. That just
doesn't do any good. No, own your sin, brothers.
Own your sin. Wives, say, I have sinned against
you with this sin. I sincerely apologize and
I repent for that sin and for the harm that it
caused you. Will you please forgive me and what
can I do to help make it better? It's so simple,
so profound, and yet we just don't do it. Why?
Because we're self -centered. It hurts for our
own ego. We need to let this go. When we don't
do this, the sins pile up and the fruit of them
is all kinds of irritation. It is loss of joy.
It is lack of trust. And we become captives,
loaded down with sin, led away by various lusts.
Here's a few practical tips. Pick any one of
these. Talk to each other about them and pray
for each other. Maybe you want to focus on one.
I know I'm dealing with this right now. So you
talk about it. You pray together about it. You
look into God's word about it. Take the word
of God. Write that passage in a three by five
card or create a reminder on your phone to pray
about it and to meditate it on God's word about
this particular thing as you go throughout the
day or the week. Ask for the Holy Spirit to help
you to overcome and be a support to each other,
not accusing and tearing down, but assist the
other in sanctification. Marriage is an instrument
of sanctification. I'm running about out of time,
but I'd like to just go over a couple of things
yet. So I beg your forbearance in this. We are
called, brothers and sisters, to covenant. We've
seen this in Proverbs 5, verse 15 to 23, that
we are to drink water from our own cistern, that
our fountains are not to be dispersed abroad,
rather they're to be our own. We are to rejoice
with the wife of our youth. We're to be enraptured
with her love. And so husbands, you lead in faithfulness
to the covenant of marriage that you have made.
You sought her out. She gave up her name to be
your wife and to trust in you and submit to your
leadership. So covenant faithfulness is embracing
that leadership, that call of God to you to be
a faithful head in which you wash your wife with
God's word and you point her to Christ. You are
the head of your wife, but you can be a bad and
an irritating head. This is not good. Faithfulness
to the covenant means that you are faithful and
godly head. I'll put it to you like this, like
one man told me his father told him, take care
of the king's daughter. Take care of the king's
daughter. See that she knows that you delight
in her, that you take care of her, that you desire
her well -being, and that you love her and her
only. Covenant faithfulness is when you as a
wife, Give yourself to your husband as unto the
Lord. You are a daughter of the king and you
love your heavenly father. And so then as that
daughter, you obey him by loving your husband,
loving your children, being discreet, chaste,
a keeper of the home and obedient to your own
husband, willingly submitting yourself to him
as the church submits herself to Christ. When
the husband and the wife do this, they glorify
God, they are a faithful testimony to the world,
and God's word is magnified and not blasphemed.
Lastly then, consider for a few minutes the joy
and the blessing of marriage. I've spoken about
all sorts of different aspects here. And it truly
has been a privilege to go through this series.
But I'd like to end on this note. Marriage is
such a joy and a blessing. It is one of the glorious
foretastes of heaven that God gives to us. It
is wonderful. When done with God's plan, it is
such a glory. Ecclesiastes 9 verse 7 says, Go,
eat your bread with joy, drink your wine with
a merry heart, for God has already accepted your
works. Let your garments always be white and
let your head lack no oil. Live joyfully with
the wife whom you love all the days of your vain
life, which he has given you under the sun, all
your days of vanity, for that is your portion
in life and the labor which you perform under
the sun. Whatever your hand finds to do, do it
with your might. For there is no work or device
or knowledge or wisdom in the grave where you
are going. J .R .R. Miller in his book, Homemaking,
says these words. Marriage is intended to bring
joy. The married life is meant to be the happiest,
fullest, purest, and richest life. It is God's
own ideal of completeness. It was when He saw
that it was not good for man to be alone that
woman was made and brought to Him to supply what
was lacking. The divine intention, therefore,
is that marriage should yield happiness and that
it shall add to the fullness of the life of both
husband and wife, that neither shall lose, but
both shall gain. Marriage in scripture is no
mere duty. It is intoxicating love. It is laughter
in the tent. It is children like arrows of joy.
And it is a foretaste of Christ's union with
his bride. Brothers and sisters, husbands and
wives, if your marriage is not trending in that
direction, if it is not headed there, if you
are not experiencing the joys, then seek out
help. I beg you, seek out help. Read good books.
Get wise counsel. I have here just a whole number
and I can send these out. How Can We Build a
Godly Marriage by Joel and Mary Beakey. It's
an excellent booklet. Just really, really good.
Matthew Henry, the author of... The great commentary,
one of the best commentaries on the scriptures,
has this book, Building a God -Centered Family,
A Father's Manual. It's a great little book published
by Scott Brown, readily available. One that was
helpful to me, here's Gospel -Shaped Marriage
by Chad and Emily Van Dixhorn, Grace for Sinners
to Love Like Saints. Again, it's a great resource.
Like I said, I'll message these out to you as
well. Doug Wilson has a number, Federal Husband,
Reforming Marriage. And this one, How to Exasperate
Your Wife. It's satirical in the satirical title,
but it is really good. It is very, very helpful
in showing how we men can exasperate our wife.
There's a number of others out there, but I commend
you. Read Good Helps. to be able to get you to
a place of joy, of tranquility and peace, and
of glory to God. I will end with Psalm 128, verse
1 through 6. Just hear these words, let them
soak in. Blessed is everyone who fears the Lord,
who walks in His ways. When you eat the labor
of your hands, you shall be happy, and it shall
be well with you. Your wife shall be like a fruitful
vine in the very heart of your house. Your children
like olive plants all around your table. Behold,
thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord.
The Lord bless you out of Zion. And may you see
the good of Jerusalem all the days of your life.
Yes, may you see your children's children. Peace
be upon Israel. Let's pray.