WEBVTT 00:00:01.360 --> 00:00:04.879 I'd like to speak today on covenant faithfulness 00:00:04.879 --> 00:00:10.039 and joy in marriage. We're going to read, first 00:00:10.039 --> 00:00:12.699 of all, from the book of Proverbs, chapter 5, 00:00:12.939 --> 00:00:16.559 verse 15 to 21. And then we're going to move 00:00:16.559 --> 00:00:20.219 over to Philippians, chapter 2. So let us first 00:00:20.219 --> 00:00:23.199 hear the word of God as it is given to us in 00:00:23.199 --> 00:00:26.239 the book of Proverbs and chapter 5, beginning 00:00:26.239 --> 00:00:31.300 in verse 15. Drink water from your own cistern 00:00:31.300 --> 00:00:33.960 and running water from your own well. Should 00:00:33.960 --> 00:00:36.820 your fountains be dispersed abroad, streams of 00:00:36.820 --> 00:00:39.960 water in the streets, let them be only your own 00:00:39.960 --> 00:00:43.740 and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain 00:00:43.740 --> 00:00:46.880 be blessed and rejoice with the wife of your 00:00:46.880 --> 00:00:51.100 youth. As a loving dear and a graceful doe, let 00:00:51.100 --> 00:00:54.520 her breast satisfy you at all times and always 00:00:54.520 --> 00:00:58.570 be enraptured with her love. For why should you, 00:00:58.609 --> 00:01:01.789 my son, be enraptured by an immoral woman and 00:01:01.789 --> 00:01:04.870 be embraced in the arms of a seductress? For 00:01:04.870 --> 00:01:07.890 the ways of man are before the eyes of the Lord, 00:01:07.989 --> 00:01:13.069 and he ponders all his paths. Now let's look 00:01:13.069 --> 00:01:31.870 over to the book of Philippians, chapter 2. Beginning 00:01:31.870 --> 00:01:36.709 in verse 12. Therefore, my beloved, as you have 00:01:36.709 --> 00:01:40.090 always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but 00:01:40.090 --> 00:01:43.469 now much more in my absence, work out your own 00:01:43.469 --> 00:01:47.150 salvation with fear and trembling. For it is 00:01:47.150 --> 00:01:51.650 God who works in you both to will and to do for 00:01:51.650 --> 00:01:55.629 his good pleasure. Do all things without complaining 00:01:55.629 --> 00:01:58.890 and disputing that you may become blameless and 00:01:58.890 --> 00:02:01.989 harmless. children of God without fault in the 00:02:01.989 --> 00:02:03.870 midst of a crooked and a perverse generation, 00:02:04.310 --> 00:02:07.430 among whom you shine as lights in the world, 00:02:07.569 --> 00:02:11.710 holding fast the word of life, that I may rejoice 00:02:11.710 --> 00:02:14.330 in the day of Christ, that I have not run in 00:02:14.330 --> 00:02:19.129 vain or labored in vain. Let's ask the Lord for 00:02:19.129 --> 00:02:21.789 his blessing on this time in the word. Father, 00:02:21.849 --> 00:02:24.289 thank you for the privilege that it is to look 00:02:24.289 --> 00:02:27.740 into your word today and to study it. We pray, 00:02:27.840 --> 00:02:30.099 Lord, that as we look once more at the subject 00:02:30.099 --> 00:02:32.539 of marriage, we ask God for your blessing on 00:02:32.539 --> 00:02:35.740 this time. We pray, Lord, that for open hearts 00:02:35.740 --> 00:02:37.860 and open ears that might hear and understand 00:02:37.860 --> 00:02:40.740 your word. And I pray, Lord, that I might be 00:02:40.740 --> 00:02:42.879 able to speak in the power of the Holy Spirit, 00:02:43.039 --> 00:02:46.460 speaking your thoughts and your words and communicating 00:02:46.460 --> 00:02:50.039 truth, Lord, and not falsehood. We pray, O Lord, 00:02:50.259 --> 00:02:53.639 bless us with your presence and with the power 00:02:53.639 --> 00:02:56.949 of the Spirit today as we hear and preach. We 00:02:56.949 --> 00:03:02.610 pray in Jesus' name. Amen. The sermon today is 00:03:02.610 --> 00:03:05.370 the fifth and the last one in the marriage series. 00:03:06.090 --> 00:03:08.870 We have looked at the picture of marriage as 00:03:08.870 --> 00:03:11.509 revealed in God's creation of this wonderful 00:03:11.509 --> 00:03:15.789 institution and of the mysterious way in which 00:03:15.789 --> 00:03:18.509 marriage reflects the relationship of Christ 00:03:18.509 --> 00:03:23.560 and the church. Today, I hope to conclude. by 00:03:23.560 --> 00:03:26.759 identifying sins that degrade and destroy marriage, 00:03:27.000 --> 00:03:30.020 and then give some practical points on how to 00:03:30.020 --> 00:03:32.759 be faithful in marriage and live together with 00:03:32.759 --> 00:03:37.219 joy. That is to be and to enjoy the covenant 00:03:37.219 --> 00:03:41.740 of marriage. For indeed, marriage is a covenant. 00:03:41.819 --> 00:03:46.039 It is an oath that is made before God with duties 00:03:46.039 --> 00:03:49.379 and responsibilities that each promises to do. 00:03:50.000 --> 00:03:52.919 Now, in preaching on this subject, I understand 00:03:52.919 --> 00:03:55.599 that some of you here are not married, and that's 00:03:55.599 --> 00:03:58.659 okay. You can sit in and listen, but I also hope 00:03:58.659 --> 00:04:00.840 that it's something that will be beneficial to 00:04:00.840 --> 00:04:04.439 you for in the future if God should bless you 00:04:04.439 --> 00:04:09.039 with a wife or with a husband. Robert Capon wrote, 00:04:09.360 --> 00:04:13.120 Marriage is honorable among all and the bed undefiled. 00:04:13.159 --> 00:04:16.139 Who can praise it as he should? Children are 00:04:16.139 --> 00:04:19.000 like arrows in the hands of a giant. Happy is 00:04:19.000 --> 00:04:22.279 the man whose quiver is full, whose wife is like 00:04:22.279 --> 00:04:25.379 the fruitful vine upon the walls of his house, 00:04:25.540 --> 00:04:27.980 whose children are like the olive branches round 00:04:27.980 --> 00:04:31.240 about his table. With sons like young plants 00:04:31.240 --> 00:04:34.839 and daughters like polished corners, he beholds 00:04:34.839 --> 00:04:38.060 how good and joyful a thing it is for brethren 00:04:38.060 --> 00:04:43.040 to dwell together in unity. Then he continues, 00:04:43.259 --> 00:04:47.370 but be honest. The precious oil on Aaron's beard 00:04:47.370 --> 00:04:49.850 doesn't often reach the skirts of our clothing. 00:04:50.149 --> 00:04:55.089 It is hard to make a home. It is hard for one 00:04:55.089 --> 00:04:57.810 man and one woman to live together under one 00:04:57.810 --> 00:05:01.730 roof for as long as God wills. It is hard to 00:05:01.730 --> 00:05:06.910 raise a family. So let's be frank. When you get 00:05:06.910 --> 00:05:10.750 married, you are both sinners and that sin affects 00:05:10.750 --> 00:05:14.209 your marriage and your relationship. The all 00:05:14.209 --> 00:05:18.790 -knowing God sees your frame, the frame of you 00:05:18.790 --> 00:05:24.430 as a wife and of you as a husband. And he is 00:05:24.430 --> 00:05:31.850 for you. He is our helper and our strength. But 00:05:31.850 --> 00:05:35.810 we must also be realistic that we carry sins 00:05:35.810 --> 00:05:39.829 with us into the marriage. And we sin one against 00:05:39.829 --> 00:05:45.980 the other. David reminds us of this in Psalm 00:05:45.980 --> 00:05:49.759 103, verse 13 and 14, when he says, as a father 00:05:49.759 --> 00:05:53.439 pities his children, so the Lord pities those 00:05:53.439 --> 00:05:57.399 who fear him, for he knows our frame. He remembers 00:05:57.399 --> 00:06:02.779 that we are dust. And God, in his infinite wisdom 00:06:02.779 --> 00:06:07.660 and holy counsel, has ordained and planned that 00:06:07.660 --> 00:06:11.600 marriage would be an instrument of sanctification 00:06:11.600 --> 00:06:16.220 in us. Both of your lives. To the both of you. 00:06:16.560 --> 00:06:21.160 The very example of Christ. Loving his sinful 00:06:21.160 --> 00:06:25.959 bride. Of washing and cleansing her. Speaks to 00:06:25.959 --> 00:06:30.420 this. As Ephesians 5 reads. Christ also loved 00:06:30.420 --> 00:06:35.360 the church. And gave himself for her. Why? That 00:06:35.360 --> 00:06:39.720 he might sanctify and cleanse her. With the washing 00:06:39.720 --> 00:06:45.129 of water by the word. The need for us to submit 00:06:45.129 --> 00:06:49.050 to Christ as his bride shows the active work 00:06:49.050 --> 00:06:54.410 of obedience and sanctification. And so you as 00:06:54.410 --> 00:06:57.550 a husband and you as a wife, you both belong 00:06:57.550 --> 00:07:03.170 to God and your marriage belongs to God. Your 00:07:03.170 --> 00:07:07.730 marriage belongs to him. You don't set the standard, 00:07:07.930 --> 00:07:13.720 he does. So I want to consider a few points today 00:07:13.720 --> 00:07:19.699 in this end of the series. Number one. Marriage 00:07:19.699 --> 00:07:23.540 is an instrument of sanctification. We looked 00:07:23.540 --> 00:07:26.139 at sanctification as I read Philippians chapter 00:07:26.139 --> 00:07:30.779 2 verse 12 through 16. How that we are to work 00:07:30.779 --> 00:07:33.699 out our salvation with fear and trembling. That 00:07:33.699 --> 00:07:37.740 it is God who is in us. He works in us that we 00:07:37.740 --> 00:07:40.439 might will that which is good. And also that 00:07:40.439 --> 00:07:43.939 we might do what is good for his good pleasure. 00:07:44.259 --> 00:07:46.779 And we're to do these things without complaining 00:07:46.779 --> 00:07:50.519 and without disputing. As you live together, 00:07:50.819 --> 00:07:54.800 you have the opportunity and privilege to daily 00:07:54.800 --> 00:07:58.860 learn how to work out your own salvation as you 00:07:58.860 --> 00:08:03.360 live with your spouse. But first, we need to 00:08:03.360 --> 00:08:07.459 look at sin. We want to consider the besetting 00:08:07.459 --> 00:08:11.779 sins that happen in marriage. Where two distinct 00:08:11.779 --> 00:08:14.920 individuals come together and they each bring 00:08:14.920 --> 00:08:19.420 a host of expectations, of ideals. and of goals. 00:08:19.699 --> 00:08:23.060 Now, sometimes these are lofty goals. Sometimes 00:08:23.060 --> 00:08:25.360 they are not, and they need to be sanctified 00:08:25.360 --> 00:08:28.680 and changed. But at the same time, as we come 00:08:28.680 --> 00:08:32.840 together in marriage, we carry with us sins that 00:08:32.840 --> 00:08:36.860 degrade, that hinder, and that, if left unchecked, 00:08:36.860 --> 00:08:42.789 will destroy our marriage and us. We need sanctification. 00:08:43.590 --> 00:08:47.730 Marriage is a microcosm of how to maintain relationships 00:08:47.730 --> 00:08:51.549 in this world between sinful and fallen creatures. 00:08:52.169 --> 00:08:55.450 You see, we can avoid people outside who show 00:08:55.450 --> 00:09:00.009 us up, but it is much harder to do in a marriage. 00:09:00.070 --> 00:09:05.990 Our spouse, most of the time, say 99 % of the 00:09:05.990 --> 00:09:10.049 time, knows us better. than anyone else and they 00:09:10.049 --> 00:09:13.870 see both our good points and they see our sins 00:09:13.870 --> 00:09:18.950 we live in close proximity and so we see each 00:09:18.950 --> 00:09:23.750 other's sins and flaws firsthand now but before 00:09:23.750 --> 00:09:25.750 we get into looking at some of the sins let's 00:09:25.750 --> 00:09:28.470 define what is sanctification it's a big word 00:09:28.470 --> 00:09:30.850 it's used in the scriptures so sanctification 00:09:30.850 --> 00:09:34.950 is the working out of your salvation now let 00:09:34.950 --> 00:09:39.419 me be quick to say God has saved you. If you 00:09:39.419 --> 00:09:42.200 have trusted in him, if you are a believer in 00:09:42.200 --> 00:09:45.940 Christ, it is God who has saved you. You do not 00:09:45.940 --> 00:09:50.320 contribute one iota to your salvation. It is 00:09:50.320 --> 00:09:54.179 God who saves you. It is God who raises from 00:09:54.179 --> 00:09:58.039 the dead. both in a spiritual way within the 00:09:58.039 --> 00:10:01.919 dead and cold hearts of we as sinners and who 00:10:01.919 --> 00:10:04.399 will raise up our bodies on the last day. That 00:10:04.399 --> 00:10:09.340 is God and God alone. He saves us. We repented 00:10:09.340 --> 00:10:12.139 and believe in Christ Jesus by faith because 00:10:12.139 --> 00:10:15.879 of His work and of the drawing of the Holy Spirit. 00:10:16.399 --> 00:10:19.039 And I'll say right here, if you do not have that 00:10:19.039 --> 00:10:21.860 relationship, if you do not know God, if you 00:10:21.860 --> 00:10:25.769 have not come to a saving... faith in Christ 00:10:25.769 --> 00:10:29.909 that I urge you to call upon him for he will 00:10:29.909 --> 00:10:37.669 answer and will save. But he tells us that we 00:10:37.669 --> 00:10:41.629 need to work out this salvation. So he saves 00:10:41.629 --> 00:10:45.990 us and then we work it out by the power of the 00:10:45.990 --> 00:10:49.690 spirit. Work out your own salvation, he says 00:10:49.690 --> 00:10:54.429 in Philippians 2. Sanctification. is the process 00:10:54.429 --> 00:10:58.009 of being made holy and without blemish and being 00:10:58.009 --> 00:11:02.230 more like Christ. Just as we live and we walk 00:11:02.230 --> 00:11:05.429 with Christ, we should know Him more and more 00:11:05.429 --> 00:11:09.649 and become more like Him. And so also your marriage, 00:11:09.750 --> 00:11:12.490 as you get to know one another and you interact 00:11:12.490 --> 00:11:15.350 together and you are one flesh and you work together 00:11:15.350 --> 00:11:18.779 and you deal with sin and you serve Christ, your 00:11:18.779 --> 00:11:22.639 marriage should also age well, just like a fine 00:11:22.639 --> 00:11:25.919 wine. And as you get older and live together 00:11:25.919 --> 00:11:29.580 longer, you are more blessed and more united 00:11:29.580 --> 00:11:34.360 in your marriage. 1 Thessalonians 4, verse 3 00:11:34.360 --> 00:11:39.240 through 7 tells us, for this is the will of God, 00:11:39.539 --> 00:11:43.940 your sanctification. This is the will of God 00:11:43.940 --> 00:11:47.620 that we as believing we as believers, we who 00:11:47.620 --> 00:11:50.980 have trusted in Christ, that we become more and 00:11:50.980 --> 00:11:54.860 more sanctified. He goes on, that you should 00:11:54.860 --> 00:11:59.500 abstain from sexual immorality, that each of 00:11:59.500 --> 00:12:02.860 you should know how to possess his own vessel 00:12:02.860 --> 00:12:07.460 in sanctification and honor, not in the passion 00:12:07.460 --> 00:12:11.179 of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God, 00:12:11.360 --> 00:12:14.960 that no one... should take advantage of and defraud 00:12:14.960 --> 00:12:18.100 his brother in this matter because the Lord is 00:12:18.100 --> 00:12:22.320 the avenger of all such as we have also forewarned 00:12:22.320 --> 00:12:27.179 you and testified. For God did not call us to 00:12:27.179 --> 00:12:32.539 uncleanness but in holiness. This is sanctification. 00:12:32.919 --> 00:12:36.980 And my prayer for you is that of Paul in 1 Thessalonians 00:12:36.980 --> 00:12:41.820 5 that the God of peace himself would sanctify 00:12:41.820 --> 00:12:45.820 you completely. And may your whole spirit and 00:12:45.820 --> 00:12:50.120 soul and body be preserved blameless at the coming 00:12:50.120 --> 00:12:54.100 of our Lord Jesus Christ. But in order to understand 00:12:54.100 --> 00:12:57.419 sanctification and the work of the Spirit that 00:12:57.419 --> 00:13:00.960 makes us clean and that enables us to be holy 00:13:00.960 --> 00:13:05.580 and to work out this salvation, we need to understand 00:13:05.580 --> 00:13:09.909 what we need to be sanctified from. What do we 00:13:09.909 --> 00:13:12.789 need to be sanctified from? What are the sins 00:13:12.789 --> 00:13:17.269 that bedevil us and that are common to us? We 00:13:17.269 --> 00:13:21.690 must identify them in order to deal with them 00:13:21.690 --> 00:13:25.690 and to repent, to ask forgiveness and by the 00:13:25.690 --> 00:13:28.610 power of the Holy Spirit to put them to death. 00:13:29.250 --> 00:13:32.289 Now some of these are sins that easily come to 00:13:32.289 --> 00:13:35.490 both husbands and wives and some are more common 00:13:35.490 --> 00:13:39.960 to one or to the other. I'm going to quickly 00:13:39.960 --> 00:13:43.820 go through a number of sins of besetting sins 00:13:43.820 --> 00:13:47.279 of husbands and just look at them quickly. These 00:13:47.279 --> 00:13:49.320 are common, especially to husbands, although 00:13:49.320 --> 00:13:51.720 some of them apply to wives. And then I'm going 00:13:51.720 --> 00:13:54.220 to go down through a list for wives as well. 00:13:54.500 --> 00:13:57.519 I'm going to do this fairly fast. For the sake 00:13:57.519 --> 00:13:59.779 of time, I'm not going to say a whole lot about 00:13:59.779 --> 00:14:02.500 them other than just making sure that it's clarified 00:14:02.500 --> 00:14:06.440 and have a passage that goes with it. So first 00:14:06.440 --> 00:14:08.039 of all, we're going to look to you husbands. 00:14:08.179 --> 00:14:11.419 What are your besetting sins? What are sins that 00:14:11.419 --> 00:14:15.759 are common to you? Number one, laziness and apathy. 00:14:16.730 --> 00:14:19.429 Ephesians 4 verse 28 says, Let him that stalls 00:14:19.429 --> 00:14:22.769 steal no longer, but rather let him labor, working 00:14:22.769 --> 00:14:25.669 with his hands what is good, that he may have 00:14:25.669 --> 00:14:31.230 something to give to him who has need. A man 00:14:31.230 --> 00:14:35.850 is created by God to work. And so one of his 00:14:35.850 --> 00:14:40.289 chief temptations is to be lazy or apathetic. 00:14:40.809 --> 00:14:43.830 The command to work, by the way, was given before 00:14:43.830 --> 00:14:46.610 the fall, not after the fall. It was made more 00:14:46.610 --> 00:14:49.110 difficult after the fall. But the command to 00:14:49.110 --> 00:14:51.450 work was from the very beginning of creation. 00:14:51.690 --> 00:14:56.830 A man is called to work. He is created to work. 00:14:57.850 --> 00:15:01.169 The second one, second besetting sin, is that 00:15:01.169 --> 00:15:05.269 of harshness and bitterness. Colossians chapter 00:15:05.269 --> 00:15:09.190 3 verse 19. Husbands, love your wives and do 00:15:09.190 --> 00:15:13.269 not be bitter. against them or harsh against 00:15:13.269 --> 00:15:16.529 them, according to some translations. Love your 00:15:16.529 --> 00:15:19.629 wives, brothers, and do not be bitter against 00:15:19.629 --> 00:15:22.870 them. And this bitterness often finds its way 00:15:22.870 --> 00:15:27.230 in snapping, in sarcasm, or giving them the silent 00:15:27.230 --> 00:15:30.389 treatment, or rolling your eyes at them, or yelling 00:15:30.389 --> 00:15:34.070 and demanding. All of these things can take place 00:15:34.070 --> 00:15:38.009 as being harsh and bitter. There are other outworkings 00:15:38.009 --> 00:15:42.429 as well. But I'll leave the Lord, work out greater 00:15:42.429 --> 00:15:45.970 details as you look to him. So harshness and 00:15:45.970 --> 00:15:49.789 bitterness. Number three, unforgiveness and grudge 00:15:49.789 --> 00:15:53.950 holding. Ephesians 4 and verse 32, and be kind 00:15:53.950 --> 00:15:57.750 to one another, tenderhearted. forgiving one 00:15:57.750 --> 00:16:02.029 another, even as God in Christ forgave you. God 00:16:02.029 --> 00:16:04.909 does not stand over you with a sword of Democles 00:16:04.909 --> 00:16:08.529 or just a sword hanging on a thread that at any 00:16:08.529 --> 00:16:11.210 time he can just cut that and you're going to 00:16:11.210 --> 00:16:15.549 be struck dead. He forgives you in Christ. We 00:16:15.549 --> 00:16:18.549 experience the glory and the blessing of God 00:16:18.549 --> 00:16:21.929 in his forgiveness. And here Paul tells us we 00:16:21.929 --> 00:16:24.309 are to love one another, we're to be kind one 00:16:24.309 --> 00:16:27.350 another, be tenderhearted, to forgive one another 00:16:27.350 --> 00:16:30.809 like Christ, like God who through Christ or in 00:16:30.809 --> 00:16:34.389 Christ has forgiven us. That is how we are to 00:16:34.389 --> 00:16:38.940 extend forgiveness to one another. Holding grudges 00:16:38.940 --> 00:16:42.460 is wrong, and sometimes it is done for years. 00:16:42.679 --> 00:16:47.360 This is not the way of the gospel. As Christ 00:16:47.360 --> 00:16:51.259 forgave us, so also we must forgive others, and 00:16:51.259 --> 00:16:56.240 especially our spouse and our wife. Number four, 00:16:56.360 --> 00:17:00.539 the love of money and lack of provision. 1 Timothy 00:17:00.539 --> 00:17:03.480 5 and verse 8. But if anyone does not provide 00:17:03.480 --> 00:17:06.980 for his own and especially for those of his household, 00:17:07.240 --> 00:17:11.539 he has denied the faith and is worse than an 00:17:11.539 --> 00:17:15.119 unbeliever. And also chapter 6, verse 10 of 1 00:17:15.119 --> 00:17:18.519 Timothy. For the love of money is a root of all 00:17:18.519 --> 00:17:21.500 kinds of evil. for which some have strayed from 00:17:21.500 --> 00:17:23.640 the faith in their greediness and pierced themselves 00:17:23.640 --> 00:17:26.940 through with many sorrows. So we see here kind 00:17:26.940 --> 00:17:29.420 of the two together. There is the love or the 00:17:29.420 --> 00:17:33.319 inordinate love of money. Now, God has blessed 00:17:33.319 --> 00:17:36.339 us with money, some more than others, and that's 00:17:36.339 --> 00:17:39.539 according to his disposition. God also rewards 00:17:39.539 --> 00:17:43.299 faithfulness at times with great blessings. But 00:17:43.299 --> 00:17:45.740 we are not to love the money. We're to love the 00:17:45.740 --> 00:17:49.039 giver. And so the love of money creates problems 00:17:49.039 --> 00:17:53.400 in us. But at the same time, we are also to work, 00:17:53.559 --> 00:17:56.680 to work hard. Why? So that we can provide for 00:17:56.680 --> 00:17:58.799 ourselves. We can provide for our wives. We can 00:17:58.799 --> 00:18:01.160 provide for our families. And we can have some 00:18:01.160 --> 00:18:07.720 leftover to bless others. If we do not, as we 00:18:07.720 --> 00:18:11.500 are able to, if we do not provide, especially 00:18:11.500 --> 00:18:15.019 for our own household paul is very clear here 00:18:15.019 --> 00:18:17.539 in the book of first timothy we have denied the 00:18:17.539 --> 00:18:21.279 faith and we are worse than an infidel or an 00:18:21.279 --> 00:18:24.920 unbeliever these are very serious words and so 00:18:24.920 --> 00:18:28.240 one of the sins is either love of money but also 00:18:28.240 --> 00:18:33.519 then the lack of provision number five failing 00:18:33.519 --> 00:18:36.519 to honor your wife as an heir together of the 00:18:36.519 --> 00:18:40.079 grace of life. 1 Peter 3, we are commanded in 00:18:40.079 --> 00:18:44.220 verse 7, husbands, this is to you, husbands likewise, 00:18:44.680 --> 00:18:47.480 dwell with them, that is your wives, dwell with 00:18:47.480 --> 00:18:50.619 your wife with understanding, giving honor to 00:18:50.619 --> 00:18:53.920 the wife as to the weaker vessel and as being 00:18:53.920 --> 00:18:56.140 heirs together of the grace of life that your 00:18:56.140 --> 00:19:00.299 prayers be not hindered. When you dishonor your 00:19:00.299 --> 00:19:03.619 wife, brothers, by not taking time to hear and 00:19:03.619 --> 00:19:06.640 to listen to what she has to say or by putting 00:19:06.640 --> 00:19:10.099 her down, by demeaning her and not by considering 00:19:10.099 --> 00:19:13.259 her counsel, when you do not value her gifts 00:19:13.259 --> 00:19:16.599 or you load on her burdens that she should not 00:19:16.599 --> 00:19:21.319 bear, then you are not honoring her as an heir 00:19:21.319 --> 00:19:23.920 together of the grace of life and consequently 00:19:23.920 --> 00:19:26.880 your prayers are hindered. And I don't understand 00:19:26.880 --> 00:19:29.140 all exactly how that works. I'm just saying the 00:19:29.140 --> 00:19:33.000 scripture is very clear. Your prayers are hindered. 00:19:34.279 --> 00:19:38.519 So we fail to honor our wife as an heir together 00:19:38.519 --> 00:19:42.700 of God's grace. Number six, the sin of neglect, 00:19:43.019 --> 00:19:45.940 of neglect. In other words, it's not so much 00:19:45.940 --> 00:19:48.859 that we're committing an action of sin. but it's 00:19:48.859 --> 00:19:52.660 what we're not doing. The scriptures define in 00:19:52.660 --> 00:19:55.420 that way as there are sins that we commit or 00:19:55.420 --> 00:19:58.119 sins of commission. And then there are sins of 00:19:58.119 --> 00:20:01.079 omission where we don't do what we are called 00:20:01.079 --> 00:20:04.339 to do. And that neglect is one of those where 00:20:04.339 --> 00:20:08.880 we simply neglect. And this can be neglect, especially 00:20:08.880 --> 00:20:12.000 as Ephesians 5 points out, the neglect of washing 00:20:12.000 --> 00:20:14.960 your wife with the word. Or it can also be the 00:20:14.960 --> 00:20:17.279 neglect of teaching your children and thus you 00:20:17.279 --> 00:20:20.000 put great... much greater burden on on her because 00:20:20.000 --> 00:20:22.480 you are not teaching the children and you are 00:20:22.480 --> 00:20:25.119 not instructing them in the ways of god and so 00:20:25.119 --> 00:20:28.559 it falls on her to do it all that also might 00:20:28.559 --> 00:20:30.720 be in family worship or teaching the word of 00:20:30.720 --> 00:20:34.160 god or in many other ways this can happen of 00:20:34.160 --> 00:20:36.900 simply neglect can also mean that you provoke 00:20:36.900 --> 00:20:40.559 your children and thus create issues even with 00:20:40.559 --> 00:20:44.359 uh of between them and their mother ephesians 00:20:44.359 --> 00:20:49.460 5 Verse 25 and 26. Husbands, love your wives 00:20:49.460 --> 00:20:54.579 just as Christ also loved the church and gave 00:20:54.579 --> 00:20:58.740 himself for her that he might sanctify and cleanse 00:20:58.740 --> 00:21:03.119 her with the washing of water by the word. Husbands, 00:21:03.140 --> 00:21:07.089 you need to lead your wife in the word. Lead 00:21:07.089 --> 00:21:10.549 her in the word. When you distance yourself from 00:21:10.549 --> 00:21:13.730 the active duties that God requires of you as 00:21:13.730 --> 00:21:17.390 a husband and as a father, you dishonor God and 00:21:17.390 --> 00:21:20.369 you set the stage for potential bitterness and 00:21:20.369 --> 00:21:23.470 deep hurts in your wife and in your children. 00:21:23.609 --> 00:21:28.369 The goal is to honor God by building up your 00:21:28.369 --> 00:21:33.059 wife so that she is glorious and beautiful, just 00:21:33.059 --> 00:21:35.960 like Christ does the church. You may not do active 00:21:35.960 --> 00:21:38.859 things against them, but the neglect of the duties 00:21:38.859 --> 00:21:44.539 and care is very, very damaging. Number seven, 00:21:44.700 --> 00:21:48.819 selfishness and self -centered living. Ephesians 00:21:48.819 --> 00:21:51.140 5 verse 33 in the first part says, nevertheless, 00:21:51.460 --> 00:21:53.799 let each one of you, speaking to husbands in 00:21:53.799 --> 00:21:57.279 particular, so love his wife, how? As himself. 00:21:58.240 --> 00:22:01.859 Now in their position as head, men can very easily 00:22:01.859 --> 00:22:04.700 get full of themselves. Thinking of themselves 00:22:04.700 --> 00:22:07.599 more highly than they ought to think. They can 00:22:07.599 --> 00:22:10.500 become demanding. They can become self -serving. 00:22:10.579 --> 00:22:13.819 The focus becomes on themselves rather than those 00:22:13.819 --> 00:22:17.680 on their care. Selfishness can be deeply rooted 00:22:17.680 --> 00:22:20.779 in the heart. And here we are commanded to love 00:22:20.779 --> 00:22:25.900 our wife as we love ourselves. Which deals with 00:22:25.900 --> 00:22:30.630 selfishness. Number eight, stubbornness and blockheadedness. 00:22:31.910 --> 00:22:35.589 Now, I grew up German. I mean, I'm from all German 00:22:35.589 --> 00:22:37.490 descent. And there's just this saying, and it's 00:22:37.490 --> 00:22:40.029 pretty much characteristic, that Germans just 00:22:40.029 --> 00:22:43.250 really tend to be blockheaded and stubborn. And 00:22:43.250 --> 00:22:45.490 you can see it in all sorts of different ways, 00:22:45.549 --> 00:22:48.210 even to this day, if you travel in Germany or 00:22:48.210 --> 00:22:52.190 live around Germanic people. But it's not exclusive 00:22:52.190 --> 00:22:56.329 to us. For it is something that really is something 00:22:56.329 --> 00:22:59.269 that we all face, that of simply being stubborn. 00:22:59.369 --> 00:23:05.089 We want our own way. And so we become blockheaded. 00:23:05.190 --> 00:23:08.809 We don't listen to others. God gave his word. 00:23:09.009 --> 00:23:12.309 Why? In Psalm 78, so that they might set their 00:23:12.309 --> 00:23:15.150 hope in God and not forget the works of God, 00:23:15.230 --> 00:23:17.730 but keep his commandments and may not be like 00:23:17.730 --> 00:23:23.200 their fathers, a stubborn. and rebellious generation. 00:23:23.420 --> 00:23:26.819 A generation that did not set its heart aright 00:23:26.819 --> 00:23:29.680 and whose spirit was not found faithful to God. 00:23:30.140 --> 00:23:34.079 Proverbs 1 verse 5 says that a wise man will 00:23:34.079 --> 00:23:39.119 hear and increase learning and a man of understanding 00:23:39.119 --> 00:23:44.369 will attain wise counsel. Brothers, we need counsel. 00:23:44.630 --> 00:23:48.630 And so often our wife is so suited to give us 00:23:48.630 --> 00:23:51.569 good counsel. Now, sometimes we need additional 00:23:51.569 --> 00:23:54.609 counsel outside, but God has placed her there 00:23:54.609 --> 00:23:56.690 where she knows you. She knows how you tick. 00:23:56.769 --> 00:23:59.869 She knows what you are made of. And so she can 00:23:59.869 --> 00:24:04.809 give wise counsel so many times. So away with 00:24:04.809 --> 00:24:07.289 stubbornness and blockheadedness. And number 00:24:07.289 --> 00:24:10.900 nine, sinful lusts and desires. Colossians 3 00:24:10.900 --> 00:24:14.400 verse 5. Therefore, put to death your members 00:24:14.400 --> 00:24:17.180 which are on the earth. And then he starts listing 00:24:17.180 --> 00:24:22.599 them. Fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil 00:24:22.599 --> 00:24:26.420 desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. 00:24:27.119 --> 00:24:30.880 Brothers, unrepentant evil desires will completely 00:24:30.880 --> 00:24:34.559 destroy you and your household. They will destroy 00:24:34.559 --> 00:24:37.759 you and they will destroy your household and 00:24:37.759 --> 00:24:40.960 your children and the generations to come. Of 00:24:40.960 --> 00:24:44.279 the immoral woman, Proverbs warns, Now therefore 00:24:44.279 --> 00:24:46.980 listen to me, my children, pay attention to the 00:24:46.980 --> 00:24:49.880 words of my mouth. Do not let your heart turn 00:24:49.880 --> 00:24:52.960 aside to her ways. Do not stray into her paths, 00:24:53.160 --> 00:24:56.380 for she has cast down many wounded and all who 00:24:56.380 --> 00:24:59.900 were slain by her were strong men. Her house 00:24:59.900 --> 00:25:03.259 is the way to hell. descending to the chambers 00:25:03.259 --> 00:25:06.599 of death. This is speaking of the adulterous 00:25:06.599 --> 00:25:11.799 woman. I do not know how many times I have seen 00:25:11.799 --> 00:25:17.039 strong men, seemingly strong, robust men, strong 00:25:17.039 --> 00:25:20.380 in business, even strong in professing Christians, 00:25:20.599 --> 00:25:25.759 where they get utterly destroyed by being deceived 00:25:25.759 --> 00:25:32.099 by their own lusts and going after women. unfaithful 00:25:32.099 --> 00:25:37.440 women do not kid yourself brothers this is the 00:25:37.440 --> 00:25:41.920 way to death and I will also say porn will do 00:25:41.920 --> 00:25:47.099 the same thing avoid it stand against it if you 00:25:47.099 --> 00:25:49.400 need help then by all means get help brothers 00:25:50.079 --> 00:25:53.359 But I speak to you seriously. The covetousness 00:25:53.359 --> 00:25:56.240 of the heart, the adultery of the heart will 00:25:56.240 --> 00:25:59.059 also destroy you. It will destroy your marriage. 00:25:59.140 --> 00:26:03.299 It will destroy your children. And so avoid it. 00:26:03.359 --> 00:26:07.420 Deal with it. Put to death those sinful desires 00:26:07.420 --> 00:26:11.839 and lusts of the flesh. And lastly, number 10, 00:26:11.900 --> 00:26:16.460 brothers. The last sin that I'm going to deal 00:26:16.460 --> 00:26:18.940 with is that there's no vision or mission for 00:26:18.940 --> 00:26:22.359 your life and household. Your duty and responsibility 00:26:22.359 --> 00:26:24.859 to your wife and to your family is not a nine 00:26:24.859 --> 00:26:28.839 to five job. You are drafted by God into a mission. 00:26:28.940 --> 00:26:32.319 It is not a hobby. Your family is not a hobby. 00:26:32.579 --> 00:26:36.859 It is. You've been called by God into a glorious 00:26:36.859 --> 00:26:40.460 mission of using your gifts and callings to serve 00:26:40.460 --> 00:26:43.259 God with all your heart and soul and mind and 00:26:43.259 --> 00:26:46.680 strength to glorify Him. And you have been given 00:26:46.680 --> 00:26:51.059 a wife as a helper, one who can help you in that 00:26:51.059 --> 00:26:56.200 mission. And your children are as arrows, Psalms 00:26:56.200 --> 00:26:59.950 tells us. Genesis 1, 28, be fruitful, fill the 00:26:59.950 --> 00:27:03.670 earth and subdue it. Rule over what God has given 00:27:03.670 --> 00:27:07.049 to you and rule over it well. I love how someone 00:27:07.049 --> 00:27:09.910 put it, your job description from Genesis 1, 00:27:09.950 --> 00:27:13.009 verse 28, you're to dominate chaos for God's 00:27:13.009 --> 00:27:16.910 glory. You dominate chaos. You look at what is 00:27:16.910 --> 00:27:19.730 chaotic and you bring it into order for the glory 00:27:19.730 --> 00:27:23.470 of God. You take dominion. This is Genesis 1, 00:27:23.569 --> 00:27:29.430 verse 28. commands. Genesis 2 verse 15. The Lord 00:27:29.430 --> 00:27:32.269 God took the man and put him in the garden to 00:27:32.269 --> 00:27:35.970 work and to keep it. That to work is the Hebrew 00:27:35.970 --> 00:27:39.990 word abad. It's like to cultivate. And then shamar, 00:27:39.990 --> 00:27:42.509 to keep it, is to guard it. So you take what 00:27:42.509 --> 00:27:44.730 God has given to you, whatever the mission is 00:27:44.730 --> 00:27:46.849 that God and the gifts and abilities that he 00:27:46.849 --> 00:27:51.390 has given to you, you go after it, you keep it, 00:27:51.430 --> 00:27:54.549 you cultivate it, and you guard it from destruction 00:27:54.549 --> 00:27:59.529 and from the evil one. You also are called to 00:27:59.529 --> 00:28:02.509 rescue those being led away to death. Silence 00:28:02.509 --> 00:28:05.289 while culture slaughters babies and marriages 00:28:05.289 --> 00:28:08.589 and souls. If we just remain quiet about this, 00:28:08.630 --> 00:28:12.109 if we just let it happen, then we are, as it 00:28:12.109 --> 00:28:16.230 were, away without leave. And then Matthew 28, 00:28:16.430 --> 00:28:18.710 in speaking again of the mission, Jesus tells 00:28:18.710 --> 00:28:21.509 his disciples to go and make disciples of all 00:28:21.509 --> 00:28:24.329 nations. And where does that start? It starts 00:28:24.329 --> 00:28:27.390 right in your home, brothers. God has given you 00:28:27.390 --> 00:28:29.869 the gift. If God has blessed you with children, 00:28:29.970 --> 00:28:33.569 right there, you are called by God to disciple 00:28:33.569 --> 00:28:37.730 them, to teach them the ways of God. And then 00:28:37.730 --> 00:28:40.509 as you are able to, even in greater measure, 00:28:40.589 --> 00:28:44.150 you do so. Jesus' last command on earth was a 00:28:44.150 --> 00:28:48.190 marching order. It was not a suggestion. And 00:28:48.190 --> 00:28:51.769 finally, 1 Corinthians 16, verse 13, in all of 00:28:51.769 --> 00:28:56.140 this, watch. Stand fast in the faith. Be brave. 00:28:56.160 --> 00:29:01.519 Be strong. The word brave there is the Greek 00:29:01.519 --> 00:29:06.559 word. It is literally to play the man on a battlefield. 00:29:07.140 --> 00:29:11.299 Play the man. The old King James put it this 00:29:11.299 --> 00:29:13.960 way in the quaint use of the word quit. Quit 00:29:13.960 --> 00:29:19.420 you like men. Stir yourself up as a man. These 00:29:19.420 --> 00:29:24.000 are the sins of men that I've briefly and quickly 00:29:24.000 --> 00:29:26.579 gone over. Now I'm going to turn to the wives. 00:29:26.819 --> 00:29:29.019 What are the besetting sins? What are the common 00:29:29.019 --> 00:29:34.059 sins of wives? The first one, I'm going to look 00:29:34.059 --> 00:29:36.680 at several here. The first one is that of usurping 00:29:36.680 --> 00:29:40.660 headship, of disrespect, and lack of submission. 00:29:41.200 --> 00:29:45.200 The woman was created to be a helper to man. 00:29:45.500 --> 00:29:49.180 So one of her chief temptations is to usurp his 00:29:49.180 --> 00:29:53.819 role to strive for ascendancy. over him. It's 00:29:53.819 --> 00:29:56.140 like the man was created for work, and so one 00:29:56.140 --> 00:29:59.019 of his great temptations is to laziness and apathy. 00:29:59.140 --> 00:30:02.500 So also for women, in being the helper to man 00:30:02.500 --> 00:30:05.799 and to submit to him, one of her chief temptations 00:30:05.799 --> 00:30:09.359 is to usurp his role, to strive for ascendancy. 00:30:09.740 --> 00:30:13.380 Ephesians 5 .33, let the wife see that she respects 00:30:13.380 --> 00:30:17.140 her husband. Colossians 3 .18, wives, submit 00:30:17.140 --> 00:30:21.059 to your own husbands as it is fitting in the 00:30:21.059 --> 00:30:24.210 Lord. This works itself out in various ways. 00:30:24.369 --> 00:30:26.750 It might mean that you make every final call 00:30:26.750 --> 00:30:29.670 on a decision or that you mock your husband's 00:30:29.670 --> 00:30:34.130 ideas or that you rebel against him. For when 00:30:34.130 --> 00:30:36.509 you do not biblically submit to your husband 00:30:36.509 --> 00:30:39.430 and respect him, you will hold him back, you 00:30:39.430 --> 00:30:42.369 will emasculate him, you will make him feel inadequate 00:30:42.369 --> 00:30:47.890 and destroy his initiative to lead. Shanti Feldham 00:30:47.890 --> 00:30:51.069 puts it like this to women and she writes, Just 00:30:51.069 --> 00:30:54.109 as you need the man in your life to love you 00:30:54.109 --> 00:30:57.130 unconditionally, even when you're not particularly 00:30:57.130 --> 00:31:01.250 lovable, so also your man needs you to demonstrate 00:31:01.250 --> 00:31:04.569 your respect for him, regardless of whether he's 00:31:04.569 --> 00:31:08.349 meeting your expectations at the moment. Respect. 00:31:08.710 --> 00:31:11.730 See the wife, the wife that she respects her 00:31:11.730 --> 00:31:15.309 husband. Second is the sins of the tongue. That 00:31:15.309 --> 00:31:18.869 is of nagging, discontentment, quarrelsomeness. 00:31:19.259 --> 00:31:23.680 and contention. Proverbs 21 9 says it's better 00:31:23.680 --> 00:31:26.200 to dwell in the corner of a housetop than in 00:31:26.200 --> 00:31:28.799 a house shared with the contentious and a quarrelsome 00:31:28.799 --> 00:31:33.559 woman. And also in 27 verse 15 a continual dripping 00:31:33.559 --> 00:31:38.019 on a very rainy day and a contentious woman are 00:31:38.019 --> 00:31:41.359 alike. And finally he says in 21 and verse 19 00:31:41.359 --> 00:31:44.839 it is better to live in a desert land than with 00:31:44.839 --> 00:31:49.720 a quarrelsome and a fretful woman. Nagging is 00:31:49.720 --> 00:31:52.200 a constant harassing someone to do something 00:31:52.200 --> 00:31:56.180 and indicates discontentment and disrespect. 00:31:56.819 --> 00:32:00.500 Sins of the tongue expressed. But I will say 00:32:00.500 --> 00:32:03.420 that a wife cannot nag her husband into mature 00:32:03.420 --> 00:32:06.299 masculine leadership and the assumption of his 00:32:06.299 --> 00:32:09.200 responsibilities. In other words, she cannot 00:32:09.200 --> 00:32:12.180 lead and command him into being a leader in the 00:32:12.180 --> 00:32:15.380 home. She is to be his helper, but nagging doesn't 00:32:15.380 --> 00:32:18.160 help him. Rather, it makes both husband and wife 00:32:18.160 --> 00:32:21.819 miserable. He needs to understand before God 00:32:21.819 --> 00:32:24.839 that he is called to lead and to do it well. 00:32:25.160 --> 00:32:28.220 And how is that accomplished? You need to pray. 00:32:28.599 --> 00:32:32.839 Sometimes reminders are good. If you have trouble 00:32:32.839 --> 00:32:35.900 remembering what needs to be done, like I do, 00:32:36.039 --> 00:32:39.180 a reminder from your wife is extremely helpful 00:32:39.180 --> 00:32:42.759 and it's good. That's not nagging, but continual 00:32:42.759 --> 00:32:46.339 nagging, constant harassing someone will not 00:32:46.339 --> 00:32:49.259 do anything. In fact, it will make the problem 00:32:49.259 --> 00:32:55.539 worse. Third, being steered and driven by emotions 00:32:55.539 --> 00:32:59.670 and feelings. This is one that is a very common 00:32:59.670 --> 00:33:04.049 one to women. Proverbs 28, 26, he who trusts 00:33:04.049 --> 00:33:06.670 in his own heart is a fool, but whoever walks 00:33:06.670 --> 00:33:10.970 wisely will be delivered. Verse 26 to 28, sorry, 00:33:11.130 --> 00:33:13.630 it's the same. He who trusts in his own heart 00:33:13.630 --> 00:33:16.829 is a fool. One of my daughters said, sometimes 00:33:16.829 --> 00:33:20.009 your feelings will directly lie to you and you 00:33:20.009 --> 00:33:23.109 must preach the word to your own feelings like 00:33:23.109 --> 00:33:26.940 David did to himself. in many of the Psalms. 00:33:26.940 --> 00:33:30.259 So ladies, you need to speak God's word even 00:33:30.259 --> 00:33:34.420 to your own feelings and emotions. They are not 00:33:34.420 --> 00:33:38.480 good guides for you. Now, God gave us feelings. 00:33:38.539 --> 00:33:42.119 God gave us emotions. And they can be great and 00:33:42.119 --> 00:33:44.539 wonderful and good. They're part of who we are. 00:33:44.740 --> 00:33:47.660 But if we let them steer us, if we let them drive 00:33:47.660 --> 00:33:51.859 us, then... we will go in a wrong way. Here's 00:33:51.859 --> 00:33:54.480 one example like David did to himself. He said 00:33:54.480 --> 00:33:57.859 in Psalm 43, verse five, why are you cast down 00:33:57.859 --> 00:34:01.000 on my soul? And why are you disquieted within 00:34:01.000 --> 00:34:05.420 me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise him the 00:34:05.420 --> 00:34:09.139 help of my countenance and my God. David was 00:34:09.139 --> 00:34:12.360 preaching to his own emotions and feelings. Right 00:34:12.360 --> 00:34:15.840 there. So watch out for that one. Number four, 00:34:16.199 --> 00:34:21.469 inordinate dress. inordinate attention to dress 00:34:21.469 --> 00:34:25.610 and to self -image. 1 Peter 3, in addressing 00:34:25.610 --> 00:34:28.610 the women, says, Do not let your adornment be 00:34:28.610 --> 00:34:31.190 merely outward, the arranging of the hair, wearing 00:34:31.190 --> 00:34:34.030 gold, or putting on a fine apparel. Rather, let 00:34:34.030 --> 00:34:36.710 it be the hidden person of the heart, with the 00:34:36.710 --> 00:34:39.530 incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, 00:34:39.710 --> 00:34:43.570 which is very precious in the sight of God. Proverbs 00:34:43.570 --> 00:34:46.750 31 verse 30, charm is deceitful and beauty is 00:34:46.750 --> 00:34:49.550 passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she 00:34:49.550 --> 00:34:53.829 shall be. Most women deeply care about how they 00:34:53.829 --> 00:34:56.650 look and doing things to be beautiful is good 00:34:56.650 --> 00:35:00.369 and right in their place. Psalm 45 verse 13 says, 00:35:00.449 --> 00:35:11.949 Beauty is not wrong. It is not wrong to want 00:35:11.949 --> 00:35:15.070 to make yourself beautiful and attractive if 00:35:15.070 --> 00:35:18.550 it is held. to a proper place in your heart. 00:35:18.670 --> 00:35:21.909 Because the scriptures also speak of temptation, 00:35:22.050 --> 00:35:26.449 to vanity, to excess, and to impropriety. Like 00:35:26.449 --> 00:35:31.329 1 Timothy 2 and verse 9, the women are to adorn 00:35:31.329 --> 00:35:35.349 themselves in modest apparel with propriety and 00:35:35.349 --> 00:35:39.969 moderation. That is one of the big keys. Number 00:35:39.969 --> 00:35:43.269 five, manipulation and control. This is trying 00:35:43.269 --> 00:35:46.500 to get your way by flattery, or by withholding 00:35:46.500 --> 00:35:50.320 affection or favors, by deceitfulness, smooth 00:35:50.320 --> 00:35:55.260 talking, tears, or creating drama. All of these 00:35:55.260 --> 00:35:59.360 things are ways to manipulate and control to 00:35:59.360 --> 00:36:03.699 get what you want. Psalm 12 verse 2 says, they 00:36:03.699 --> 00:36:06.219 speak idly everyone with his neighbor with flattering 00:36:06.219 --> 00:36:09.960 lips and a double heart they speak. May the Lord 00:36:09.960 --> 00:36:12.179 cut off all flattering lips and the tongue that 00:36:12.179 --> 00:36:15.400 speaks proud things who have said with our tongue 00:36:15.400 --> 00:36:18.440 we will prevail. Our lips are our own. Who is 00:36:18.440 --> 00:36:21.719 Lord over us? And that reminder there is there 00:36:21.719 --> 00:36:24.480 sometimes when it just can well up within us 00:36:24.480 --> 00:36:27.980 that who is Lord over me anyway? I want to do 00:36:27.980 --> 00:36:30.260 what I want to do. Have you ever heard that? 00:36:30.599 --> 00:36:37.780 I have. Again, 1 Peter 3 and verse 4. I'm sorry, 00:36:37.900 --> 00:36:40.059 that's the wrong one. I jumped to the next one. 00:36:40.260 --> 00:36:43.000 Of the adulterous woman, Proverbs says in chapter 00:36:43.000 --> 00:36:46.679 7, verse 21, with much seductive speech, she 00:36:46.679 --> 00:36:50.960 persuades him. With her smooth talk, she compels 00:36:50.960 --> 00:36:54.679 him. Women, God has given you a wonderful gift. 00:36:55.000 --> 00:36:58.300 You have the ability to influence, to speak to 00:36:58.300 --> 00:37:01.110 something. And you know what? It's a good and 00:37:01.110 --> 00:37:03.090 right thing that your husband wants to please 00:37:03.090 --> 00:37:05.469 you. That's God -given. Scripture even speaks 00:37:05.469 --> 00:37:08.230 of that, that the man seeks how he may please 00:37:08.230 --> 00:37:11.530 his wife. But you can also just turn that and 00:37:11.530 --> 00:37:14.809 use it to your own advantage to control and to 00:37:14.809 --> 00:37:19.610 manipulate by all sorts of different ways. Number 00:37:19.610 --> 00:37:22.289 six, there's more sins of the tongue. That is 00:37:22.289 --> 00:37:26.210 gossip, slander, and loudness. A gossip betrays 00:37:26.210 --> 00:37:29.530 a confidence. Proverbs 20 verse 19. Running to 00:37:29.530 --> 00:37:32.190 your mom or to a group chat or to Instagram about 00:37:32.190 --> 00:37:34.989 your husband's failures instead of to him and 00:37:34.989 --> 00:37:38.949 to God. All can be a part of this. It can even 00:37:38.949 --> 00:37:41.590 mean betrayal with a prayer request. Sometimes 00:37:41.590 --> 00:37:45.210 that has happened as well. Let your adorning 00:37:45.210 --> 00:37:48.630 be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable 00:37:48.630 --> 00:37:52.760 beauty of a gentle. and a quiet spirit. This 00:37:52.760 --> 00:37:56.440 is very precious in the sight of God. And then 00:37:56.440 --> 00:37:59.780 number eight, fear and anxiety or anxiousness. 00:38:00.079 --> 00:38:03.420 Because of the need to trust and to submit by 00:38:03.420 --> 00:38:06.400 the commandment of God, fear of the unknown can 00:38:06.400 --> 00:38:10.179 create anxiousness instead of faith and confidence 00:38:10.179 --> 00:38:16.699 in God. Fear and anxiousness. Now the antidote, 00:38:16.699 --> 00:38:21.550 God says in Philippians 4, is Prayer and thanksgiving. 00:38:21.949 --> 00:38:25.329 Chapter 4, verse 6. Be anxious for nothing, but 00:38:25.329 --> 00:38:28.920 in everything by prayer and supplication. With 00:38:28.920 --> 00:38:31.820 thanksgiving, let your requests be made known 00:38:31.820 --> 00:38:34.059 to God, and the peace of God, which surpasses 00:38:34.059 --> 00:38:36.840 all understanding, will guard your hearts and 00:38:36.840 --> 00:38:40.300 minds through Christ Jesus. But husbands, you 00:38:40.300 --> 00:38:43.079 need to be able to lead your wife and help her 00:38:43.079 --> 00:38:45.719 with all of these. But right now I'm speaking 00:38:45.719 --> 00:38:49.179 especially to this one. Instead of dismissing 00:38:49.179 --> 00:38:52.380 her anxieties and her fears, lead her through 00:38:52.380 --> 00:38:55.539 them with encouragement, with God's word and 00:38:55.539 --> 00:38:58.420 giving her support and also listening to her 00:38:58.420 --> 00:39:02.179 cautions. Sometimes that fear comes because you've 00:39:02.179 --> 00:39:04.639 just gone and blundering ahead with things rather 00:39:04.639 --> 00:39:07.460 than wisely considering what she might have to 00:39:07.460 --> 00:39:10.780 say about it. And so you can really help your 00:39:10.780 --> 00:39:14.260 wife in coming to a place where she doesn't struggle 00:39:14.260 --> 00:39:19.679 with fear or with anxiety nearly as much. Nonetheless, 00:39:20.489 --> 00:39:23.030 Sometimes even with the very best of intentions, 00:39:23.309 --> 00:39:27.590 fear and anxiety still set in. And so there you 00:39:27.590 --> 00:39:30.349 need to be anxious for nothing, but come to the 00:39:30.349 --> 00:39:32.469 Lord with thanksgiving and make your request 00:39:32.469 --> 00:39:35.650 to him. Lastly, number eight, and that is bitterness. 00:39:37.030 --> 00:39:40.829 Bitterness, where wrongs have been done to you. 00:39:42.650 --> 00:39:47.869 And I go back. We do sin against each other. 00:39:48.269 --> 00:39:53.690 Sometimes we deeply hurt one another. Sometimes 00:39:53.690 --> 00:39:59.190 we create wounds and they're hard and they hurt 00:39:59.190 --> 00:40:06.289 and they can fester. Beware of bitterness. Look 00:40:06.289 --> 00:40:09.050 carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace 00:40:09.050 --> 00:40:13.570 of God. Lest any root of bitterness springing 00:40:13.570 --> 00:40:17.110 up cause trouble and by this many become defiled. 00:40:17.900 --> 00:40:21.119 Do you keep a mental ledger of all of your husband's 00:40:21.119 --> 00:40:26.519 sins or sigh loudly proclaiming your dissatisfaction 00:40:26.519 --> 00:40:30.340 or say, I forgave him, but I'll never forget 00:40:30.340 --> 00:40:35.199 and I will hold it against him. These are like 00:40:35.199 --> 00:40:40.099 slow acid in a marriage cup and they will destroy. 00:40:40.900 --> 00:40:43.119 Now, as you can see, there's a lot of overlap 00:40:43.119 --> 00:40:45.219 in these sins and this list certainly does not 00:40:45.219 --> 00:40:47.960 cover them all. But hear the words of James as 00:40:47.960 --> 00:40:50.719 he speaks about some of these sins. He says, 00:40:50.900 --> 00:40:54.239 chapter 3, verse 13, Who is wise and understanding 00:40:54.239 --> 00:40:57.079 among you? Let him show by good conduct that 00:40:57.079 --> 00:40:59.400 his works are done in the meekness of wisdom. 00:40:59.760 --> 00:41:03.000 But if you have bitter envy and self -seeking 00:41:03.000 --> 00:41:05.179 in your hearts, do not boast and lie against 00:41:05.179 --> 00:41:08.579 the truth. This wisdom does not descend from 00:41:08.579 --> 00:41:11.960 above. It is earthly, sensual, and demonic. For 00:41:11.960 --> 00:41:15.039 where envy and self -seeking exist, confusion. 00:41:15.760 --> 00:41:19.239 And every evil thing are there. And so to husbands 00:41:19.239 --> 00:41:23.280 and wives, I say, the wisdom from above is first 00:41:23.280 --> 00:41:26.719 pure, James says, then peaceable. It is gentle. 00:41:26.800 --> 00:41:29.420 It is willing to yield. It is full of mercy and 00:41:29.420 --> 00:41:32.119 good fruits. It is without partiality and it 00:41:32.119 --> 00:41:35.179 is without hypocrisy. Now the fruit of righteousness 00:41:35.179 --> 00:41:40.019 is sown in peace by those who make peace. So 00:41:40.019 --> 00:41:43.659 seek to be peacemakers in your marriage. to love 00:41:43.659 --> 00:41:49.440 one another in that way. We all stumble in many 00:41:49.440 --> 00:41:53.280 ways, James says. If we do not stumble in word, 00:41:53.380 --> 00:41:55.940 we're a perfect person, able to bridle the whole 00:41:55.940 --> 00:41:59.639 body. But now since we know we sin and we offended 00:41:59.639 --> 00:42:02.579 many ways, and since we are living in such close 00:42:02.579 --> 00:42:05.400 proximity, how can we live with one another in 00:42:05.400 --> 00:42:09.619 peace? How can marriage sanctify us? Well, your 00:42:09.619 --> 00:42:12.170 wife knows you better than anyone else. And your 00:42:12.170 --> 00:42:15.230 husband knows you, wife, better than anyone else. 00:42:15.389 --> 00:42:19.010 And so you talk about these things. You be open 00:42:19.010 --> 00:42:23.429 to input from your spouse and work for the sanctification 00:42:23.429 --> 00:42:26.389 in each other, not with a beam in your own eye 00:42:26.389 --> 00:42:29.570 and pick it at a speck, but you work for sanctification, 00:42:29.789 --> 00:42:34.329 both of you in yourselves and in the other, not 00:42:34.329 --> 00:42:37.449 in a harsh and a critical way, but with love 00:42:37.449 --> 00:42:41.619 and care. and tenderness you help each other 00:42:41.619 --> 00:42:45.500 to love God more sincerely to walk more purely 00:42:45.500 --> 00:42:49.840 and to be at peace among yourselves when you 00:42:49.840 --> 00:42:52.840 sin against each other as you do and as you will 00:42:52.840 --> 00:42:57.719 confess the sin quickly don't brush it away or 00:42:57.719 --> 00:43:01.360 just give a half -hearted or grudging apology 00:43:02.230 --> 00:43:04.710 Yeah, if I've hurt you, I'm sorry. That just 00:43:04.710 --> 00:43:07.610 doesn't do any good. No, own your sin, brothers. 00:43:07.730 --> 00:43:11.690 Own your sin. Wives, say, I have sinned against 00:43:11.690 --> 00:43:15.690 you with this sin. I sincerely apologize and 00:43:15.690 --> 00:43:18.429 I repent for that sin and for the harm that it 00:43:18.429 --> 00:43:21.010 caused you. Will you please forgive me and what 00:43:21.010 --> 00:43:24.789 can I do to help make it better? It's so simple, 00:43:24.869 --> 00:43:30.409 so profound, and yet we just don't do it. Why? 00:43:30.969 --> 00:43:34.429 Because we're self -centered. It hurts for our 00:43:34.429 --> 00:43:38.929 own ego. We need to let this go. When we don't 00:43:38.929 --> 00:43:42.050 do this, the sins pile up and the fruit of them 00:43:42.050 --> 00:43:45.289 is all kinds of irritation. It is loss of joy. 00:43:45.469 --> 00:43:48.389 It is lack of trust. And we become captives, 00:43:48.389 --> 00:43:52.090 loaded down with sin, led away by various lusts. 00:43:52.230 --> 00:43:55.090 Here's a few practical tips. Pick any one of 00:43:55.090 --> 00:43:58.030 these. Talk to each other about them and pray 00:43:58.030 --> 00:44:00.769 for each other. Maybe you want to focus on one. 00:44:00.829 --> 00:44:04.010 I know I'm dealing with this right now. So you 00:44:04.010 --> 00:44:06.530 talk about it. You pray together about it. You 00:44:06.530 --> 00:44:08.730 look into God's word about it. Take the word 00:44:08.730 --> 00:44:12.250 of God. Write that passage in a three by five 00:44:12.250 --> 00:44:15.690 card or create a reminder on your phone to pray 00:44:15.690 --> 00:44:18.929 about it and to meditate it on God's word about 00:44:18.929 --> 00:44:21.630 this particular thing as you go throughout the 00:44:21.630 --> 00:44:25.340 day or the week. Ask for the Holy Spirit to help 00:44:25.340 --> 00:44:28.360 you to overcome and be a support to each other, 00:44:28.460 --> 00:44:31.840 not accusing and tearing down, but assist the 00:44:31.840 --> 00:44:35.760 other in sanctification. Marriage is an instrument 00:44:35.760 --> 00:44:40.659 of sanctification. I'm running about out of time, 00:44:40.719 --> 00:44:42.519 but I'd like to just go over a couple of things 00:44:42.519 --> 00:44:46.059 yet. So I beg your forbearance in this. We are 00:44:46.059 --> 00:44:50.159 called, brothers and sisters, to covenant. We've 00:44:50.159 --> 00:44:54.639 seen this in Proverbs 5, verse 15 to 23, that 00:44:54.639 --> 00:44:57.800 we are to drink water from our own cistern, that 00:44:57.800 --> 00:44:59.860 our fountains are not to be dispersed abroad, 00:45:00.219 --> 00:45:03.500 rather they're to be our own. We are to rejoice 00:45:03.500 --> 00:45:06.880 with the wife of our youth. We're to be enraptured 00:45:06.880 --> 00:45:13.280 with her love. And so husbands, you lead in faithfulness 00:45:13.280 --> 00:45:15.659 to the covenant of marriage that you have made. 00:45:15.920 --> 00:45:20.119 You sought her out. She gave up her name to be 00:45:20.119 --> 00:45:23.039 your wife and to trust in you and submit to your 00:45:23.039 --> 00:45:26.639 leadership. So covenant faithfulness is embracing 00:45:26.639 --> 00:45:30.300 that leadership, that call of God to you to be 00:45:30.300 --> 00:45:33.420 a faithful head in which you wash your wife with 00:45:33.420 --> 00:45:36.880 God's word and you point her to Christ. You are 00:45:36.880 --> 00:45:41.039 the head of your wife, but you can be a bad and 00:45:41.039 --> 00:45:46.039 an irritating head. This is not good. Faithfulness 00:45:46.039 --> 00:45:48.980 to the covenant means that you are faithful and 00:45:48.980 --> 00:45:51.900 godly head. I'll put it to you like this, like 00:45:51.900 --> 00:45:55.619 one man told me his father told him, take care 00:45:55.619 --> 00:45:59.099 of the king's daughter. Take care of the king's 00:45:59.099 --> 00:46:02.179 daughter. See that she knows that you delight 00:46:02.179 --> 00:46:05.460 in her, that you take care of her, that you desire 00:46:05.460 --> 00:46:08.639 her well -being, and that you love her and her 00:46:08.639 --> 00:46:12.360 only. Covenant faithfulness is when you as a 00:46:12.360 --> 00:46:15.300 wife, Give yourself to your husband as unto the 00:46:15.300 --> 00:46:18.699 Lord. You are a daughter of the king and you 00:46:18.699 --> 00:46:22.019 love your heavenly father. And so then as that 00:46:22.019 --> 00:46:27.039 daughter, you obey him by loving your husband, 00:46:27.179 --> 00:46:31.079 loving your children, being discreet, chaste, 00:46:31.239 --> 00:46:34.059 a keeper of the home and obedient to your own 00:46:34.059 --> 00:46:36.880 husband, willingly submitting yourself to him 00:46:36.880 --> 00:46:41.969 as the church submits herself to Christ. When 00:46:41.969 --> 00:46:44.849 the husband and the wife do this, they glorify 00:46:44.849 --> 00:46:48.050 God, they are a faithful testimony to the world, 00:46:48.110 --> 00:46:52.829 and God's word is magnified and not blasphemed. 00:46:53.889 --> 00:46:58.829 Lastly then, consider for a few minutes the joy 00:46:58.829 --> 00:47:02.969 and the blessing of marriage. I've spoken about 00:47:02.969 --> 00:47:06.349 all sorts of different aspects here. And it truly 00:47:06.349 --> 00:47:08.670 has been a privilege to go through this series. 00:47:08.889 --> 00:47:14.010 But I'd like to end on this note. Marriage is 00:47:14.010 --> 00:47:19.150 such a joy and a blessing. It is one of the glorious 00:47:19.150 --> 00:47:23.070 foretastes of heaven that God gives to us. It 00:47:23.070 --> 00:47:28.090 is wonderful. When done with God's plan, it is 00:47:28.090 --> 00:47:33.519 such a glory. Ecclesiastes 9 verse 7 says, Go, 00:47:33.579 --> 00:47:37.539 eat your bread with joy, drink your wine with 00:47:37.539 --> 00:47:40.880 a merry heart, for God has already accepted your 00:47:40.880 --> 00:47:43.840 works. Let your garments always be white and 00:47:43.840 --> 00:47:47.940 let your head lack no oil. Live joyfully with 00:47:47.940 --> 00:47:50.699 the wife whom you love all the days of your vain 00:47:50.699 --> 00:47:53.679 life, which he has given you under the sun, all 00:47:53.679 --> 00:47:56.519 your days of vanity, for that is your portion 00:47:56.519 --> 00:47:59.340 in life and the labor which you perform under 00:47:59.340 --> 00:48:02.480 the sun. Whatever your hand finds to do, do it 00:48:02.480 --> 00:48:05.300 with your might. For there is no work or device 00:48:05.300 --> 00:48:08.280 or knowledge or wisdom in the grave where you 00:48:08.280 --> 00:48:12.079 are going. J .R .R. Miller in his book, Homemaking, 00:48:12.119 --> 00:48:15.920 says these words. Marriage is intended to bring 00:48:15.920 --> 00:48:20.179 joy. The married life is meant to be the happiest, 00:48:20.219 --> 00:48:23.980 fullest, purest, and richest life. It is God's 00:48:23.980 --> 00:48:27.739 own ideal of completeness. It was when He saw 00:48:27.739 --> 00:48:30.860 that it was not good for man to be alone that 00:48:30.860 --> 00:48:34.360 woman was made and brought to Him to supply what 00:48:34.360 --> 00:48:37.610 was lacking. The divine intention, therefore, 00:48:37.710 --> 00:48:42.170 is that marriage should yield happiness and that 00:48:42.170 --> 00:48:45.050 it shall add to the fullness of the life of both 00:48:45.050 --> 00:48:48.510 husband and wife, that neither shall lose, but 00:48:48.510 --> 00:48:53.789 both shall gain. Marriage in scripture is no 00:48:53.789 --> 00:49:00.210 mere duty. It is intoxicating love. It is laughter 00:49:00.210 --> 00:49:04.349 in the tent. It is children like arrows of joy. 00:49:04.880 --> 00:49:09.539 And it is a foretaste of Christ's union with 00:49:09.539 --> 00:49:14.239 his bride. Brothers and sisters, husbands and 00:49:14.239 --> 00:49:17.559 wives, if your marriage is not trending in that 00:49:17.559 --> 00:49:20.980 direction, if it is not headed there, if you 00:49:20.980 --> 00:49:24.239 are not experiencing the joys, then seek out 00:49:24.239 --> 00:49:28.940 help. I beg you, seek out help. Read good books. 00:49:29.059 --> 00:49:33.059 Get wise counsel. I have here just a whole number 00:49:33.059 --> 00:49:36.380 and I can send these out. How Can We Build a 00:49:36.380 --> 00:49:38.659 Godly Marriage by Joel and Mary Beakey. It's 00:49:38.659 --> 00:49:41.260 an excellent booklet. Just really, really good. 00:49:41.840 --> 00:49:46.409 Matthew Henry, the author of... The great commentary, 00:49:46.510 --> 00:49:48.550 one of the best commentaries on the scriptures, 00:49:48.789 --> 00:49:51.909 has this book, Building a God -Centered Family, 00:49:52.090 --> 00:49:54.630 A Father's Manual. It's a great little book published 00:49:54.630 --> 00:49:58.849 by Scott Brown, readily available. One that was 00:49:58.849 --> 00:50:01.010 helpful to me, here's Gospel -Shaped Marriage 00:50:01.010 --> 00:50:04.670 by Chad and Emily Van Dixhorn, Grace for Sinners 00:50:04.670 --> 00:50:08.210 to Love Like Saints. Again, it's a great resource. 00:50:08.940 --> 00:50:12.360 Like I said, I'll message these out to you as 00:50:12.360 --> 00:50:15.900 well. Doug Wilson has a number, Federal Husband, 00:50:16.119 --> 00:50:19.780 Reforming Marriage. And this one, How to Exasperate 00:50:19.780 --> 00:50:22.619 Your Wife. It's satirical in the satirical title, 00:50:22.760 --> 00:50:26.019 but it is really good. It is very, very helpful 00:50:26.019 --> 00:50:30.440 in showing how we men can exasperate our wife. 00:50:30.719 --> 00:50:33.780 There's a number of others out there, but I commend 00:50:33.780 --> 00:50:38.840 you. Read Good Helps. to be able to get you to 00:50:38.840 --> 00:50:43.440 a place of joy, of tranquility and peace, and 00:50:43.440 --> 00:50:47.320 of glory to God. I will end with Psalm 128, verse 00:50:47.320 --> 00:50:51.860 1 through 6. Just hear these words, let them 00:50:51.860 --> 00:50:55.980 soak in. Blessed is everyone who fears the Lord, 00:50:56.199 --> 00:51:00.500 who walks in His ways. When you eat the labor 00:51:00.500 --> 00:51:03.579 of your hands, you shall be happy, and it shall 00:51:03.579 --> 00:51:07.510 be well with you. Your wife shall be like a fruitful 00:51:07.510 --> 00:51:11.110 vine in the very heart of your house. Your children 00:51:11.110 --> 00:51:14.710 like olive plants all around your table. Behold, 00:51:14.710 --> 00:51:17.269 thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord. 00:51:17.710 --> 00:51:21.269 The Lord bless you out of Zion. And may you see 00:51:21.269 --> 00:51:23.849 the good of Jerusalem all the days of your life. 00:51:24.130 --> 00:51:28.469 Yes, may you see your children's children. Peace 00:51:28.469 --> 00:51:30.949 be upon Israel. Let's pray.