Our text for today is from the book of Ephesians
chapter 5 in verses 22 to verse 33. Hear the
word of the Lord as we look at husbands, love
your wives as Christ loves the church. Verse
22, wives submit to your own husbands as to the
Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as
also Christ is head of the church, and he is
the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the
church is subject to Christ, so let the wives
be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands,
love your wives, just as Christ also loved the
church and gave himself for her, that he might
sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of
water by the word. that he might present her
to himself, a glorious church, not having spot
or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should
be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought
to love their own wives as their own bodies.
He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one
ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes
it just as Christ, just as the Lord does the
church. For we are members of his body, of his
flesh, and of his bones. For this reason, a man
shall leave his father and mother, and shall
be joined to his wife, and the two shall become
one flesh. This is a great mystery. But I speak
concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless,
Let each one of you in particular so love his
own wife as himself and let the wife see that
she respects her husband. Let's pray and ask
God's blessing on this time together. Our Father,
we thank you for this day. We thank you for the
opportunity, Lord, as we're looking at this passage
and the teaching of marriage in the Holy Scriptures.
We pray that you would lead us and open us, open
our hearts, Lord, to the truths of this word.
We ask, Lord, for the power of the Holy Spirit.
Lord, that we might understand this and preach
it properly and correctly, Lord, and that you
would open up the hearts of all who hear, that
they also, Lord, by your Spirit, might hear and
understand. Lord, we ask for your blessing on
this time together. We pray in Jesus' name. Amen.
This is the second sermon in our series on marriage.
It began last week, and we're going to be continuing
on for at least another week or two. And in order
to understand the full -orbed understanding and
the vision of what marriage is and how it works,
we have to look also at the component parts.
Because marriage is made of two, from two into
one. Marriage is not something that one does
to themselves. It requires two people, a man
and a woman, being joined together in a covenant
and... becoming one flesh. Without two people
coming together, male and female, there is no
marriage, no matter what the state or custom
might say. All other mirages, or falsely called
marriages, are in fact no such thing. God has
so designed and arranged the man and the woman
that they are like each other, and yet they are
other than the other. So today we'll take a first
look at the part of the man that is the husband.
Last week we looked at the creation of marriage
by God and we considered the purposes of marriage
as he intended it. The institution of marriage
was created for companionship, for fruitfulness
and procreation, for a help to man's mission
and dominion on the earth, also for a help against
sin. and for a living illustration of Jesus and
his church. All of this is bound up and woven
together in the covenant of marriage, a beautiful
tapestry of man and woman in Christ. The rite
of holy matrimony in the 2010 Book of Common
Prayer states this most beautifully. This is
to be given at wedding services, but it's also
inspirational again for us as we think of this.
Almighty God established the bond and covenant
of marriage and creation as a sign of the mystical
union between Christ and his church. The union
of husband and wife in heart, body, and mind
was ordained by God for the procreation of children
and their nurture in the knowledge and love of
the Lord. for mutual joy and for the help and
comfort given one another in prosperity and adversity,
to maintain purity so that husbands and wives
with all the household of God might serve as
holy and undefiled members of the body of Christ,
and for the upbuilding of Christ's kingdom in
family, in church, and society, to the praise
of his holy name. Now this covenant is spoken
of in a number of places and we're going to look
at it more closely here in a moment. But I'd
like at the beginning here just to look back
at the book of Malachi chapter 2 for a brief
bit. Because this book, it really fleshes this
out, this passage. The men of Judah had been
traitors. They were adulterers who were profaning
true worship and they were profaning marriage.
That is the Lord's holy institution which he
loves by divorcing their wives, dealing treacherously
with them, and marrying unbelieving women who
served foreign gods. Then they were coming back
to the altar of the Lord and they were weeping
and they were crying and they were covering the
altar of the Lord with tears. But God did not
regard their offering anymore nor receive it
with goodwill. They were asking why. The prophet
Malachi, after recounting this, he speaks to
them the words of God and says, Because the Lord
has been witness between you and the wife of
your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously.
Yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant.
Did he not make them one, having a remnant of
the Spirit? And why one? That is, why are husband
and wife made one? Prophet Malachi says, he seeks
godly offspring. Therefore, take heed to your
spirit and let none of you deal treacherously
with the wife of his youth. For the Lord God
of Israel says that he hates divorce for it covers
one's garment with violence, says the Lord of
hosts. Therefore, take heed to your spirit. That
you do not deal treacherously. All this is found
in Malachi chapter 2 verses 11 through 16. This
covenant of marriage is designed by God to be
fruitful in bearing and raising children. Not
just for the sake of populating the earth. But
to be incorporated as part of the fulfillment
and obedience to the great commission. Which
is what? To make disciples by baptizing and teaching
the word of God. to fill the earth with worshipers
of God through Jesus Christ by the Holy Spirit.
But when we look at this classic passage on marriage
in Ephesians 5, we see a whole additional layer
to this. Marriage, the Word of God says, is a
great mystery. It is a mystery in that it is
a living illustration and a picture. of Christ
and the church. Now there are many parallels
between the two realities of marriage and the
union between Christ and the church. Some of
these are found in this passage in Ephesians
5. Here's a few of them. First, just as the wife
is subject to Christ, I'm sorry, just as the
church is subject to Christ, being in submission
to Christ, so the wife is to be to her own husband
as unto the Lord. This is in verse 22 and verse
24. The second parallel is that the husband is
head of his wife just as Christ is head of the
church. That's the second parallel, verse 23.
And then third, husbands are to love their wives
like Christ loved the church. It's the third
parallel, verse 25. And then finally, a man is
to leave his father and mother and be joined
to his wife, which is paralleled by the fact
that Christian believers by faith are united
with Christ, members of Christ's body, of his
flesh and of his bones. That's verse 30 and 31.
Today, I will not be covering nearly all of these.
I plan to preach on the second and the third
parallel. As Jesus is the head of the church,
so the husband is head of the wife. And secondly,
as Jesus loved the church, so the husband is
to love his wife. So let's look at this. First
of all is, number one, husband, you are the head
of your wife as Jesus is head of the church.
This is stated most clearly in verse 23. For
the husband is head of the wife as also Christ
is head of the church and he is the Savior. Now
the word head is used twice in this verse, and
it's the same. It's the same Greek word that
is used. So whatever it means that Christ is
the head of the church, so also we take it to
mean that the husband is head of his wife. But
then we want to ask right away, so how does Jesus
exercise his headship? What are the ways in which
Jesus demonstrates and acts in the position of
headship? Well, the first thing is that Jesus
submits to his Father. And in that submission,
he then exercises the authority and responsibility
delegated to him as head. In this, God the Father
has committed all authority to the Son. We see
that in the Great Commission in the beginning
of it. Jesus comes to the disciples and he says,
All authority has been given to me in heaven
and on earth. Now, Paul expands on this in great
detail in Colossians chapter 1, that glorious
passage that Jesus is the image of the invisible
God. He's the firstborn over all creation. By
him were all things created. He is before all
things. In him all things consist. And he is
the head of the body, the church. And so, but
the first thing is that Jesus... In receiving
that headship and then in exercising it, he was
submissive to the Father. And we're going to
break that apart in a little bit later. But we
understand that this is very important. There
is a delegated authority here. It's not, well,
it's delegated by the Father. Secondly, we see
how Jesus leads as the head of his church. And
a good, good way to do that is to study the letters
to the seven churches in book of Revelation chapter
two and three, where Jesus gives the apostle
John seven letters to seven different churches.
So he is showing his authority in this, but look
at how he leads. I don't have the time to do
this today to go through all of these letters,
but I would encourage you go read those and look
at how Jesus leads his church. Look at his account.
at his commendations, see his love, the exhortations,
and the rebuke and the chastening and call for
repentance where it was needed. Then after the
rebuke, he gives a strong rebuke to the church
in Laodicea, but at the end of it, he offers
them restoration and fellowship with him. Jesus
rules over all creation, and yet he also orchestrates
events for the good, of his bride for the good
of the church we see this in Romans chapter 8
in verse 28 how that he ordains good in all circumstances
he provides for her he gives gifts to her furthermore
number four and we look seeing how Jesus how
Jesus is the head he defends his bride the church
he defends her In Hebrews 7 and verse 25, he
always lives to make intercession to the Father
for her. In John chapter 10, verse 11 through
15, Jesus is the good shepherd who lays down
his life for the sheep and he rescues them from
danger and from enemies. In Romans 8, verse 33
and 34, Jesus defends his church from accusations
and from condemnation. And in Revelation 19,
verse 11 through 16, Jesus is portrayed as a
victorious warrior who defeats the forces of
evil that come against her. All of this is how
Jesus leads and is the head of his church. Much
more could be said, but in all of these ways,
Jesus demonstrates what headship is like. So
then the follow -up question is this. How then
should a husband exercise his headship like Christ?
Well, first of all, having been delegated by
God as a head, this is something that he is.
God set him there. He put him there. This is
not talking about whether he accepts it or not.
It's just the fact that he is. He might be a
good head. He might be a bad head. He might be
a needful one. There's all sorts of ways. But
the fact is, That that's the way creation is.
God placed him as a head. But the Holy Spirit
then immediately instructs the husband how he
is to be that head in the following verses. But
first, a husband must understand that his headship,
his authority, is limited by God. It is limited
by God. It is given by God, but it is also limited
by God. Because he is a man who is under authority
to God, to the church, and to civil government.
This means that he cannot be of himself authoritarian
or autocratic. This headship is not the ability
for him to do whatever he wants to do because
he reports to his head and he submits to him.
So a husband must understand that. A husband
also. serves his wife how does he serve he does
so by leading her well like Jesus Jesus who said
yet I am among you as the one who serves I am
among you as the one who serves in Luke 22 verse
27. Husbands, you lead your wife and you provide
for her by being the head as Jesus is head over
the church and he is the savior of the body.
In other words, you see to the good of your wife.
Psalm 112 describes this kind of man as being
gracious, full of compassion and righteous. Gracious,
full of compassion. and righteous. Clark in his
commentary puts it this way, Jesus is the savior
of the body, Paul says here, and he says, as
Christ exercises authority over the church so
as to save and protect it, so let the husband
exercise authority over his wife by protecting,
comforting, and providing her with every necessity
and comfort of life according to his power. In
the put so beautifully now men this has not come
naturally to us by our fallen nature we well
sometimes we're blockheads kind of kind of stiff
and hard to understand we we don't know how to
do this well by our nature we don't understand
how this is done in fact our natural idea of
headship often runs counter to this in various
ways. We might think that headship is like a
club. We get to throw our weight around. We get
to be the big boss and act in a demeaning or
a superior way. But headship... As Jesus is ahead,
it's not tyrannical. It is not browbeating, threatening,
or forcing your will. It is not treating your
wife like a little child or closing your eyes
and ears against her desires and forging ahead
with your plans without due consideration and
carefulness and thoughtfulness or talking down
to her in a demeaning way or treating her like
she is beneath you to be trampled upon. No. It's
not that, but sometimes we think it is that way.
We use it like a club. Or another thing that
happens is that we're afraid of it. We don't
know how to do this well. And so we're just afraid
of it. And so we don't know how to lead well.
Maybe we've had a bad experience in the past
of things that we've seen or simply maybe because
we have not been taught. And so we just back
away from it because we're afraid of it. Or thirdly,
We might be lazy and abdicate our leadership.
We simply want the convenience of marriage, having
a lawful sexual relationship. Maybe we want children,
but we don't embrace the responsibility that
comes with a household. That's also another option.
We simply abdicate. We say, I don't want this.
Have you ever heard the saying, I didn't sign
up for this? I have. I've read it. Yeah. I didn't
sign up for this. Yes, you did. Okay. You might
not have known it, but you did. God has placed
you there. Abdication is not an option. To not
exercise our headship with diligence and faithfulness
is to do our wife a disservice. You cannot say,
I don't want to be bothered with leadership.
It's hard and I don't feel like it. Honestly,
as I look at these three natural ideas, I think,
that the third is probably the most prevalent.
I just don't want to deal with this. I'm going
to be lazy, and I'm going to abdicate. Now, sometimes
the two are kind of mixed together. Lazy and
abdicate, but then we still yell and throw our
headship around. So I urge you to study to lead
with the reality that you are one flesh. Your
wife is your glory. 1 Corinthians 11, verse 7.
And this involves the greatest gift of all. Which
is love. Love. 1 Corinthians 16 verse 13. Watch.
Stand fast in the faith. Be brave. Be strong.
Let all that you do be done with love. Let all
that you be done. All that you do be done with
love. And this brings us to our second point.
A husband is to love his wife as Christ loved.
The church. Verse 25 through 27. So again, we're
going to follow the same pattern. How did Jesus
love his wife, his bride, the church? How does
he love her? Well, first of all, he gave himself
for her. He gave himself for her. He is the savior
of his body. This is the essence of the gospel.
That Jesus went to the cross. That he shed his
blood. That his hands and his feet were nailed
to the cross. And that his side was pierced.
The prophet Isaiah says, Surely he has borne
our griefs and carried our sorrows. This is Jesus.
He was wounded for our transgressions. He was
bruised for our iniquities. The chastisement
for our peace was upon him, and by his stripes
we are healed. This is how Jesus loves his wife,
the church of Jesus. In that way, he gave himself
for her. Number two, how does a husband love
his wife? I mean, how does Jesus love the church?
He embraced his responsibilities of sanctifying
and cleansing her with the washing of water by
the word. Now, this is the type of baptismal
language in picture, but the washing is done
by the word of God. This is in verse 26 of Ephesians
5, that he might sanctify and cleanse her with
the washing of water by the word, that he might
present her to himself a glorious church. So
all things were created by the word of the Lord,
by the word of God. The heavens were of old and
the earth standing out of water and in the water,
2 Peter 3, verse 5. And so God uses the word
of God to wash and to cleanse. And through the
word of God, we are shown God's law. We are washed
clean from our sins and we, by the aid of the
Holy Spirit, are able to obey our head. So Jesus...
Loves the church by washing her with the word
of God. And then he makes her a glorious church
without spot or wrinkle, one who is holy without
blemish. Jesus reconciled his people to God the
Father, presenting them to himself as holy and
blameless and above reproach. In the prophecy
of the church, the prophet Isaiah says, of this,
of his people, they shall be also a crown of
glory in the hand of the Lord and a royal diadem
in the hand of your God. This is how Jesus loved
the church. So then how is a husband to love
his wife? Well, the passage says that he is to
like Christ loved the church. So let's. Let's
put some shoe leather on this. How is a husband
then exhorted to love his wife? Well, as Jesus
gave himself, so also you are husbands to give
yourself for your wife. You are no longer on
your own to do your own things without consideration
of her. She took your name. She became wrapped
up in your identity. Be willing to give yourself.
for her, to hurt for her sake, to sacrifice yourself,
your time, your money, and your resources for
her. Now, time is very important. Time. Brothers,
a wife needs time. She needs your time. Time
that is devoted to her. Make sure that you provide
that. This is part of giving yourself. Now, I
know that in the time period of life with little
ones, this can be hard, but it still is needful.
It also means patience. Remember that she is
other than you. She is like you, but she is also
other than you. She does not think in the same
way that you think. Her emotions are different.
The way she processes things is different. Her
ability to multitask and keep many things going
at one time is different than you. You're able
to compartmentalize. She not so much, generally
speaking. And there's many other things that
she is other than you. So rather than being irked
at that otherness or despising it, embrace it.
Appreciate the difference, the otherness, and
marvel at it. But sometimes this also requires
patience on your part. And so exercise that patience.
And then thirdly, in giving yourself, invest
in her. Invest in her. Be intentional in learning
how she is, how she thinks, and how she responds
to you. There's also some good books that I can
recommend that can help you in that, in learning.
So feel free to ask me about that. So give yourself
for your wife. Second, You aid in your wife's
sanctification and cleansing by giving her the
word of God, by giving it to her. Sometimes,
especially if there's a couple little ones, your
wife is very pressed. She can't just go off by
herself for an hour just because she wants to.
It's not always possible to do that. And no matter
what, you still, she needs to hear your perspective,
your understanding, your wisdom. So give her
the word of God. Wash her with the word. Jesus
in the high priestly prayer of John 17, verse
17, asked the father to sanctify his disciples
by the word because the word of God is truth.
This was prayed for, for his disciples, but also
for all who believe in him through their word.
And that, brothers and sisters, that includes
us. Jesus prayed for us in that high priestly
prayer. And he asked the Father to sanctify us
by the word. So this means, husbands, that you
have to read the word. You need to get into it.
You need to understand it. You need to seek after
it. Seek to understand in the best way possible
what God's word is saying and speaking to all
together and especially to you as a husband.
So you read the word, you explain the word, and
you apply the word to various circumstances in
all of life. You read and discuss the word together.
You pray together. You orient your lives in,
on, and around the word of God. So read it. Study
it. Pray for understanding and know how to answer
questions. Sometimes you bring the word to bear
on a particular sin and you may need to give
correction or admonition. Sometimes you will
be convicted or receive correction yourself and
you demonstrate the grace of God in acknowledging
that wrong or that sin without excuses by asking
for forgiveness, owning it, and seeking to put
it to death. This also, washing her with the
word, also includes leading in the public, in
the attendance of the public worship of God.
And much more could be said about that, but we'll
move on. Thirdly, how's a husband exhorted to
love his wife? By seeing that she becomes glorious
and holy. That she becomes glorious and holy.
Let me say this real quickly. You're not the
Holy Spirit. And what I'm preaching here does
not mean that, that you're the Holy Spirit. Obviously,
the Holy Spirit deals within the heart in ways
that we cannot. So we understand that. But at
the same time, as you give yourself to your wife
and you wash her with the word of God and you
love her as Christ loved the church, you will
find that she will become more glorious and beautiful
the longer time goes by. And not only filled
with glory. But will grow to a greater level
of holiness and obedience to Christ. If your
wife is not flourishing. Is troubled and stressed
by her own sin. Or by your own actions toward
her. Take stock. Consider. Ask God to show her
how you can love her like this. But also. Understand
that in your headship. You. are responsible.
You men are responsible. Now your wife sins.
She will sin. She will need to repent and ask
forgiveness. And as I said, you're not the Holy
Spirit, but you are responsible as her head to
love her, to deal with things. to take the word
of God, to bring that word to her, to love her
as Christ loved the church, to aid her in her
sanctification and cleansing by the washing of
the word, and to make every provision for her,
to be a glorious wife and woman, one who is free
in Christ, made alive by him, and is worshiping
and serving him with all of her heart. The apostle
Paul tells Timothy, Warning about false teachers,
false and godless teachers who will creep into
households and make captives of gullible women
loaded down with sins. Led away by various lusts,
always learning and never able to come to the
knowledge of the truth. Men, wash your wife with
the word. Be to her. that faithful and loving
husband. May she be loved and appreciated in
your eyes, but also watch out for the wolves
that want to come in. Watch out for the little
foxes that spoil the vines, the little things,
the little irritants that come and grow into
much greater things. But see, by the power and
grace of God, that she becomes glorious and holy.
I'd like to wrap up with just a few final applications.
Remember 1 Corinthians 13, verse 4 to 7. Love
suffers long and is kind. Love does not envy.
Love does not parade itself, is not puffed up,
does not behave rudely, does not seek its own,
is not provoked, thinks no evil. does not rejoice
in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth, bears
all things, believes all things, hopes all things,
endures all things. Right there is love fleshed
out even more. Love is the greatest of all. Matthew
Henry notes this. He says, He notes that the
woman was made of a rib out of the side of Adam.
She was not made out of his head to rule over
him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon
by him, but out of his side to be equal with
him, under his arm to be protected, and near
his heart to be beloved. Ah, that is just such
a wonderful, wonderful statement. Now, this sermon
is given in the context of Christian couples,
of husbands and wives who know Christ, who have
repented of their sins and trusted in Christ,
whose hearts have been made new. And so, if you
do not know personally, if you do not personally
know God through Jesus Christ, by the Holy Spirit,
then I press upon you, repent and believe with
all your heart. You can never work yourself into
a right relationship with Christ or with each
other by your own works, by your own good deeds.
You can only be saved by the grace of God through
faith in Christ and not of yourselves. It is
the gift of God. So come to Jesus and believe
in him. Is your marriage a wreck? Come to Jesus
and trust in him. He is the answer. For you,
for God so loved the world that he gave his only
begotten son that whoever believes in him should
not perish but have everlasting life. Now, you
might be saying, but my husband is not like this.
Or you might be saying, my wife doesn't respond
to my affection. So what do I do? What if my
husband or my wife has addictions, addictions
to porn or to illicit books or to mind -altering
drugs or to hours and hours of screen time with
no time for me? What shall I do when life is
crumbling or when divorce seems imminent or when
I cry for help and no one comes or I just want
out because I'm tired of the stress that is tearing
me apart? I cannot answer all of these from the
pulpit today, but I will give this quickly and
I hope to expand it more in another sermon. Pray
earnestly. Look to Christ who hears your cry
and your prayer and who is your sustainer. Read
the word of God and pray for understanding by
the Holy Spirit and get pastoral shepherding
help that will feed you and guide you with integrity.
Lord willing, next Sunday, we're going to look
at additional parallels between marriage and
Jesus and the church. We're going to continue
in Ephesians 5 and probably also be looking at
1 Peter chapter 3. So come with open hearts and
minds to learn God's ways in this important subject
of marriage. Let's pray.