WEBVTT 00:00:06.160 --> 00:00:09.300 Hey, this is Mack, back with another episode of 00:00:09.300 --> 00:00:12.839 Write is Wrong, written by me and my good buddy 00:00:12.839 --> 00:00:23.379 Bob. Let's go! Chapter 6. The Reckoning. When 00:00:23.379 --> 00:00:25.859 Jake returned home that night, he found Lisa 00:00:25.859 --> 00:00:28.640 asleep on the couch with the TV on, a scene that 00:00:28.640 --> 00:00:31.480 had become all too familiar. When he kissed her 00:00:31.480 --> 00:00:34.020 on the cheek to wake her, She immediately detected 00:00:34.020 --> 00:00:37.380 the fresh alcohol on his breath. You smell like 00:00:37.380 --> 00:00:40.500 booze, she said, without opening her eyes. Yeah. 00:00:41.759 --> 00:00:44.020 Is that still from last night, or is it fresh? 00:00:44.219 --> 00:00:49.439 she asked. Little of both, Jake admitted. I'm 00:00:49.439 --> 00:00:52.280 really worried about you, Lisa said, finally 00:00:52.280 --> 00:00:57.500 looking at him. I know. So am I, he said. There 00:00:57.500 --> 00:00:59.799 was genuine vulnerability in both their voices. 00:01:00.159 --> 00:01:03.210 They hugged, and for a moment, The weight of 00:01:03.210 --> 00:01:07.090 unspoken fears and hopes hung between them. We're 00:01:07.090 --> 00:01:09.670 going to figure this out, Jake said, though he 00:01:09.670 --> 00:01:11.310 wasn't sure if he was trying to convince her 00:01:11.310 --> 00:01:16.189 or himself. Are we? Lisa asked. Because I can't 00:01:16.189 --> 00:01:19.909 do this alone, Jake. I won't. You won't have 00:01:19.909 --> 00:01:24.370 to. I promise, Jake said. You've made promises 00:01:24.370 --> 00:01:30.230 before. This time it's different. Why? Lisa asked. 00:01:30.730 --> 00:01:32.670 Because you have another new screenplay idea 00:01:32.670 --> 00:01:34.650 and you feel good about yourself for five minutes? 00:01:35.469 --> 00:01:37.709 Her being so direct surprised Jake a little. 00:01:38.150 --> 00:01:43.569 Maybe. Yeah. I think so. Well, then you better 00:01:43.569 --> 00:01:46.489 write it, Lisa said. Because if you don't, if 00:01:46.489 --> 00:01:48.689 this is just another excuse to avoid dealing 00:01:48.689 --> 00:01:53.609 with reality, I'm done. The next morning, Bob's 00:01:53.609 --> 00:01:56.010 confrontation with his boss, Colonel Compost, 00:01:56.129 --> 00:01:58.730 provided Bob with the opportunity for his ultimate 00:01:58.730 --> 00:02:01.670 act of rebellion. The full extent of Colonel 00:02:01.670 --> 00:02:04.329 Compost's toxicity was on full display as Bob 00:02:04.329 --> 00:02:06.530 entered the colonel's dressing room as he pulled 00:02:06.530 --> 00:02:08.710 on his green farmer's overalls and buckled his 00:02:08.710 --> 00:02:11.969 Birkenstock sandals. Close the door, dipshit, 00:02:12.129 --> 00:02:15.889 Colonel Compost commanded. What's up? Bob asked, 00:02:16.030 --> 00:02:18.289 though he could already sense the coming storm. 00:02:18.909 --> 00:02:23.530 You're a hack. That's what's up. Excuse me? asked 00:02:23.530 --> 00:02:27.069 Bob. You're a shitty writer, the colonel said. 00:02:27.490 --> 00:02:29.680 Actually... That's an insult to shitty writers 00:02:29.680 --> 00:02:32.300 everywhere. You're not even a writer. You suck. 00:02:32.960 --> 00:02:35.240 Half the asshole kids in that audience are better 00:02:35.240 --> 00:02:39.099 writers than you. You're right. At least half 00:02:39.099 --> 00:02:41.360 of those kids out there are assholes, Bob replied, 00:02:41.580 --> 00:02:44.979 his tone deceptively calm. Don't try to be cute. 00:02:45.039 --> 00:02:48.159 I've had it with your bullshit. Well, at least 00:02:48.159 --> 00:02:51.900 my bullshit is organic, Colonel. Oh, that's fucking 00:02:51.900 --> 00:02:55.539 hilarious, said the Colonel. You can only teach 00:02:55.539 --> 00:02:58.889 kids to be green in so many ways. Bob said. We're 00:02:58.889 --> 00:03:02.389 running out of material. This is the lowest rated 00:03:02.389 --> 00:03:06.069 kid show on TV and it's your fault, said the 00:03:06.069 --> 00:03:10.289 colonel. My fault? You're ruining my reputation 00:03:10.289 --> 00:03:13.569 and destroying my legacy, replied the colonel. 00:03:14.110 --> 00:03:15.870 Well, I certainly don't want to be responsible 00:03:15.870 --> 00:03:19.509 for tarnishing your good name, Bob said. The 00:03:19.509 --> 00:03:22.169 ratings are so low, I'm only banging one or two 00:03:22.169 --> 00:03:25.770 of these moms a week now, said the colonel. Well, 00:03:25.810 --> 00:03:29.120 we can't have that now, can we? said Bob. This 00:03:29.120 --> 00:03:31.340 isn't hard, numbnuts. Write me something that 00:03:31.340 --> 00:03:33.960 doesn't suck or you're fucking fired. Got it? 00:03:34.960 --> 00:03:38.099 Bob looked at his watch with a smile. Sure thing, 00:03:38.300 --> 00:03:43.860 Ron. Call me Colonel, asshole. When a young Latino 00:03:43.860 --> 00:03:46.020 production assistant knocked on the door to give 00:03:46.020 --> 00:03:48.659 the five -minute warning, Colonel Campo's response 00:03:48.659 --> 00:03:51.340 revealed the depth of his character. Fucking 00:03:51.340 --> 00:03:55.240 fence jumper. That's not cool, man, Bob said. 00:03:56.199 --> 00:04:00.120 Yeah, what do you care? asked the colonel. He's 00:04:00.120 --> 00:04:02.900 from Van Nuys, dude. Like, he was born here. 00:04:04.000 --> 00:04:05.840 Yeah, whatever, said the colonel. Just get the 00:04:05.840 --> 00:04:09.360 fuck out of here. Out on the set, Bob convinced 00:04:09.360 --> 00:04:11.439 the production assistant to let him make some 00:04:11.439 --> 00:04:14.020 last -minute changes to the teleprompter, then 00:04:14.020 --> 00:04:15.840 programmed it in with his own special message. 00:04:16.579 --> 00:04:19.240 When the cameras were rolling and Colonel Compost 00:04:19.240 --> 00:04:21.040 asked the children what they wanted to do that 00:04:21.040 --> 00:04:24.220 day, they read Bob's words on the monitor above 00:04:24.220 --> 00:04:28.189 them. We want to smoke that herb, y 'all. Colonel 00:04:28.189 --> 00:04:30.370 Compost looked into the camera, very confused, 00:04:30.589 --> 00:04:33.610 and asked the kids, I'm sorry, what did you want 00:04:33.610 --> 00:04:36.990 to do today? The kids respond, We're going to 00:04:36.990 --> 00:04:39.290 get high as fuck and watch you hit on our moms. 00:04:40.290 --> 00:04:42.310 The final blow came when the children declared, 00:04:43.189 --> 00:04:47.290 And Bob says you're a douchebag. One child's 00:04:47.290 --> 00:04:49.670 innocent question, What's a douchebag, Mommy? 00:04:50.290 --> 00:04:53.009 was followed by four angry fathers advancing. 00:04:53.680 --> 00:04:56.920 I'm the Bewildered Host. Bob's exit from the 00:04:56.920 --> 00:04:59.579 studio was triumphant. He walked down the dark 00:04:59.579 --> 00:05:01.639 hallway, kicked open the door to the outside 00:05:01.639 --> 00:05:04.079 world, and stepped into the bright sunshine with 00:05:04.079 --> 00:05:06.519 a smile, putting on his sunglasses like a man 00:05:06.519 --> 00:05:09.519 who had finally found his freedom. Bob briefly 00:05:09.519 --> 00:05:12.220 hesitated about which direction to go, a moment 00:05:12.220 --> 00:05:15.220 of uncertainty in his newfound liberation, capturing 00:05:15.220 --> 00:05:17.600 the anxiety and excitement of starting over at 00:05:17.600 --> 00:05:21.339 45. But for the first time in years, Bob felt 00:05:21.339 --> 00:05:23.600 like he was moving towards something. rather 00:05:23.600 --> 00:05:31.139 than running away from it. All right, that wraps 00:05:31.139 --> 00:05:35.160 up this episode of Write is Wrong. These first 00:05:35.160 --> 00:05:37.699 six episodes of Write is Wrong actually represent 00:05:37.699 --> 00:05:40.339 the content of a pilot episode that Bob and I 00:05:40.339 --> 00:05:42.800 had written where we envisioned Write is Wrong 00:05:42.800 --> 00:05:46.019 as a TV show. So there you have it, the story 00:05:46.019 --> 00:05:48.860 behind the story. I hope you enjoyed it. Take 00:05:48.860 --> 00:05:50.240 care, and thanks for listening.