Hey, this is Mack, and welcome back to another
episode of Right is Wrong. Chapter 2, The Gang's
All Here. At a downtown L .A. hotel, Vanessa
moved through the lobby with the confidence of
someone who had learned to navigate the world
on her own terms. At 44, the Latina TV producer
had long black hair pulled back and a practical
ponytail and sunglasses that seemed permanently
affixed to her face. When the doorman offered
to help her with her luggage, she quipped, I've
got some emotional baggage I could use a hand
with. The doorman looked confused. Ma 'am? Don't
worry about it, champ, Vanessa said with a wry
smile. Can I get you a cab? asked the doorman.
She glanced at her phone, then at a car pulling
up in front of the hotel. Don't sweat it. My
Uber's here. Across town, Eric was living his
own morning ritual. The 45 -year -old black musician
with the blonde mohawk was headbanging to Megadeth's
Wake Up Dead while brushing his teeth. His energy
level suggested he'd either had a much better
night than his friends or was simply better at
hiding the damage. The coffee bean and tea leaf
on this particular Sunday morning was a sensory
assault course designed to test the patience
of the hungover. As Bob and Jake waited in line,
every sound seemed amplified. A screaming baby.
Two teenage girls taking selfies, and worst of
all, Love Fool by the Cardigans playing over
the PA system like audio torture. Jesus Christ,
I hate this song, Jake began, but Bob cut him
off with a raised hand as they reached the counter.
Triple espresso, Bob ordered, causing the young
employee with the hipster beard to question the
wisdom of such a request. Triple? the barista
asked, his eyes widening. Just do it, man, Bob
replied. paying quickly and escaping outside
where the world felt slightly less hostile. They
sat at a table that bore the remains of a previous
customer's breakfast, a half -eaten muffin that
neither acknowledged but both noted. Bob downed
his triple espresso in one shot, as if it were
medicine, then declared, and action. I'm really
starting to freak out about all this baby stuff,
Bob. Baby stuff? Bob looked genuinely confused.
What do you mean? What do you mean, what do I
mean? You know, Lisa's pregnant, I'm gonna be
a dad. Ringing any bells? Bob stared at him blankly.
When the fuck did this happen? I told you this
weeks ago, Jake said, his voice rising slightly.
Weeks ago? Several weeks ago. Maybe months. I
know I did. Okay, maybe you did, Bob conceded,
though he still looked confused. Pretty sure
I did, Jake said. Eric arrived with his characteristic
enthusiasm, sliding into a chair with a grin.
And a good day to you too, gentlemen. Eric, did
you know Jake here is going to be a dad? Bob
asked. Hell yeah, Eric beamed. When's the little
one due? I feel like I'm always the last to know,
Bob muttered. We've talked about this, Jake insisted.
You didn't notice that baby bump when we saw
Lisa last week? Eric asked Bob. I just figured
she put on a few pounds. I didn't want to say
anything. Appreciate that, bro, Jake said. Better
safe than sorry when it comes to that shit. Are
you sure I knew this? Bob asked again. Vanessa
arrived just as Bob was having his existential
crisis, sliding into the last chair and immediately
zeroing in on the abandoned muffin with the pragmatism
of someone who had learned not to waste opportunities
or food. Any of you clowns gonna eat that? She
asked, pointing at the pastry. Easy there, Vanessa.
That thing was here when we sat down, Jake warned.
already showing signs of his impending fatherly
instincts. See, you're going to be a great dad,
Vanessa said with a smirk, always looking out
for your little girl. It's a girl? Bob asked,
his confusion deepening. Come on, Bob, where
have you been? Vanessa shook her head. Wow, I
must have amnesia or some shit, Bob said. Speaking
of which, Jake interjected, anyone else suffering
from a little alcohol -induced memory loss? Nope,
Bob said. Well... except for the whole baby thing.
Not me, Eric chimed in cheerfully. What is this,
amateur hour? Vanessa asked with disdain. A simple
no would have sufficed, Jake replied. So, I take
it you don't remember sharing an ice cream cone
with that homeless guy? Eric asked with a grin.
Right, the guy with all the open sores on his
lips, Vanessa added. I took video of that and
posted it on TikTok. And the chunky cough, Eric
continued. Pretty sure that's a new COVID strain.
Or TB, Vanessa suggested. Yeah, lots of lung
butter in there, Bob agreed. Wait, you posted
it on TikTok? Jake's voice cracked with panic.
Tell me you're kidding, please. Of course I'm
kidding, Vanessa laughed. God, you're gullible.
I've never liked any of you people, Jake declared.
But we love you, bro, Eric said warmly. But seriously,
guys, did I do anything stupid? Jake asked, his
anxiety palpable. Relax, asshole, Vanessa said.
You do this every time you get drunk. You guys
know I always assume the worst. You didn't do
anything but get drunk and run your mouth, Bob
assured him. Jake threw his head back and exhaled
loudly with relief. Anybody else hungry? Eric
asked, then proceeded to take a bite of the muffin
that had been left on the table. Dude! Jake exclaimed,
dry heaving as Eric chewed contently. I'm so
hungry I could eat a sandwich from a gas station,
Eric said in between bites. Chevy Chase and Vacation,
Bob identified, never gets old. Ugh, that's so
gross, Jake complained. I happen to agree with
Jake on this one, Vanessa said. How did I get
home anyway? Jake asked. We poured you into an
Uber, Bob replied. Is anybody else hungover,
at least? Jake looked around hopefully. Vanessa
raised her hand. A little. I've had better days,
Bob admitted. I feel fucking great, Eric announced.
What did we do all night, Jake asked. What have
we been doing for decades, Bob replied. Listen
to music, quote movie lines, talk about all the
shit we want to do in life but haven't. You know,
same old stuff. I've really got to stop doing
this to myself, Jake said, rubbing his temples.
What, asking dumb questions, Bob teased. Holy
shit, my head hurts, Jake said. Vanessa stood
up from the table. Yeah, I'm really going to
miss all this. Okay, thanks for listening to
this episode of Right is Wrong. Be sure to check
back soon for another new episode. Thanks again.