WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:05.179 RPG Major is an actual play like no other. Privatized 00:00:05.179 --> 00:00:08.980 Mara, Scion of Sirens, and Aubrey, former Fairy 00:00:08.980 --> 00:00:12.980 Queen, solve supernatural mysteries while improvising 00:00:12.980 --> 00:00:15.880 songs. Sitting on the front porch of your office 00:00:15.880 --> 00:00:19.250 is a wooden xylophone. Oh, no. We don't... No, 00:00:19.329 --> 00:00:21.710 we know what xylophones do, Mara. And we're going 00:00:21.710 --> 00:00:24.410 to say it at the same time on three. One, two, 00:00:24.530 --> 00:00:26.910 three. They turn you into a skeleton and then 00:00:26.910 --> 00:00:30.329 you play a ribcage like a xylophone. Right? Right. 00:00:30.550 --> 00:00:33.270 I agree. I'll sing along. Nope, that would make 00:00:33.270 --> 00:00:36.009 it worse. Combining actual play, musical theater, 00:00:36.149 --> 00:00:40.530 and mystery into one cozy package, it's RPG Major. 00:00:41.549 --> 00:01:06.159 RPG Major. Last time on The Bad Articles. Our 00:01:06.159 --> 00:01:08.319 Knuckles had a sleepover, judged a local talent 00:01:08.319 --> 00:01:10.620 competition for kids and chaired a barrage of 00:01:10.620 --> 00:01:13.040 tooth -related accusations. Stick around to find 00:01:13.040 --> 00:01:15.079 out what happens next. Unless you're a coward. 00:01:16.250 --> 00:01:19.310 Since the dawn of time, Ireland has played host 00:01:19.310 --> 00:01:22.689 to unimaginable horrors, ushered in through an 00:01:22.689 --> 00:01:24.870 ever -wakening veil between our world and the 00:01:24.870 --> 00:01:29.290 other side. They live among us, shaping our mythology, 00:01:29.609 --> 00:01:34.030 sowing chaos, scaring the shit out of people. 00:01:34.489 --> 00:01:38.189 Not all hope is lost. Underfunded, undergunned 00:01:38.189 --> 00:01:40.930 and underappreciated, the OSNA stand proudly 00:01:40.930 --> 00:01:44.079 in the way of unchecked otherworldly chaos. This 00:01:44.079 --> 00:01:46.760 secret network of brave volunteers put their 00:01:46.760 --> 00:01:49.459 lives and their sanity on the line, all for a 00:01:49.459 --> 00:01:51.359 better tomorrow. Have you ever disappeared for 00:01:51.359 --> 00:01:53.379 three days and come back 50 quid lighter without 00:01:53.379 --> 00:01:55.659 any explanation for the lost time? And even though 00:01:55.659 --> 00:01:57.239 you're certain it was something mysterious and 00:01:57.239 --> 00:01:59.180 strange due to the big beam of light in the sky, 00:01:59.280 --> 00:02:01.040 your mates are convinced you were just out on 00:02:01.040 --> 00:02:04.299 the long lash. You better call the OSNA before 00:02:04.299 --> 00:02:11.930 you find yourself in the bad articles. Leaving 00:02:11.930 --> 00:02:14.289 the town hall with the still thunderous applause 00:02:14.289 --> 00:02:17.090 for little Tommy going on inside. You find yourself 00:02:17.090 --> 00:02:19.310 out in the car park walking towards your wee 00:02:19.310 --> 00:02:22.229 car. I might take up wrestling. I'm inspired 00:02:22.229 --> 00:02:24.750 by that boy. Yeah, he completely demolished. 00:02:24.830 --> 00:02:26.770 And the fact that he had multiple postman pad 00:02:26.770 --> 00:02:31.229 plushies to destroy. And you know it killed him 00:02:31.229 --> 00:02:35.710 to do that because I know him better than you 00:02:35.710 --> 00:02:38.729 lot does and he loves postman pad. He loves postman 00:02:38.729 --> 00:02:41.580 pad? He loves him. And for him to then... demolish 00:02:41.580 --> 00:02:44.240 him. That took a lot of his soul away, I think. 00:02:44.319 --> 00:02:46.280 And I think that's what makes him a good fighter, 00:02:46.360 --> 00:02:52.800 really. He's calmed what's within. He's got rid 00:02:52.800 --> 00:02:55.900 of the love that he's able to feel. He can love 00:02:55.900 --> 00:02:58.669 something and destroy it. I mean, this is incredible 00:02:58.669 --> 00:03:00.629 because this implies we've just come in and saw 00:03:00.629 --> 00:03:02.629 this performance and that was only a snippet. 00:03:02.629 --> 00:03:04.949 So this implies that Tommy has lore that goes 00:03:04.949 --> 00:03:07.110 back. There's been a whole Postman Pat story 00:03:07.110 --> 00:03:10.210 arc. No, big time. Sylvester, have you had to 00:03:10.210 --> 00:03:13.830 fight Tommy in the chair? Well, he's a bit of 00:03:13.830 --> 00:03:18.189 a wriggler, yeah. But I'm so quick and my tiny 00:03:18.189 --> 00:03:20.909 little hands do just get in immediately. I don't 00:03:20.909 --> 00:03:23.009 really have issues with that with people because... 00:03:23.419 --> 00:03:25.479 I'm just in there. I'm in, I'm out. You wouldn't 00:03:25.479 --> 00:03:27.639 even know. Come to think of it, Sylvester, you 00:03:27.639 --> 00:03:30.060 do look a bit like Postman Pat. Do you think 00:03:30.060 --> 00:03:33.879 that Tommy has taken out some frustration? Oh, 00:03:33.979 --> 00:03:37.919 my God. Yeah. I hope not, because I've got a 00:03:37.919 --> 00:03:40.180 kind heart. I know I'm, like, tall and quite 00:03:40.180 --> 00:03:42.439 scary and I'm a dentist. Oh, we haven't said 00:03:42.439 --> 00:03:44.860 that. No, you have. You've called me creepy multiple 00:03:44.860 --> 00:03:48.520 times. But, you know, I hope not. It's not my 00:03:48.520 --> 00:03:50.699 fault I look like this. It's not my fault. I'm 00:03:50.699 --> 00:03:53.199 all the way up here. You know, it's hard for 00:03:53.199 --> 00:03:56.080 people to look in my eyes. I mean, I will say, 00:03:56.139 --> 00:03:58.159 well, we have occasionally described you as creepy. 00:03:58.259 --> 00:04:01.699 We do think you're innocent. Yes. We do think 00:04:01.699 --> 00:04:04.219 you've got a pure heart. We can't underline that 00:04:04.219 --> 00:04:06.479 enough. In spite of all appearances to the contrary, 00:04:06.580 --> 00:04:09.360 we think you're innocent. That means a lot. That 00:04:09.360 --> 00:04:13.020 does mean a lot. And I'll bend down so you can 00:04:13.020 --> 00:04:15.699 see my eyes when I say this. This is the first 00:04:15.699 --> 00:04:17.959 time you've been eye -level with us. Yeah. Are 00:04:17.959 --> 00:04:19.839 you getting enough water in your eyes or jaundiced? 00:04:20.160 --> 00:04:22.180 I'm getting more insults. I thought I was just 00:04:22.180 --> 00:04:23.959 going to go down here. No, it's a diagnosis. 00:04:24.060 --> 00:04:27.199 As a fellow medical professional, I know all 00:04:27.199 --> 00:04:30.360 about eyes. Yeah, it's like if I had, you know, 00:04:30.360 --> 00:04:31.839 yellow teeth or something, you'd probably call 00:04:31.839 --> 00:04:34.360 me. Okay, sorry. Or if your printer was fucked, 00:04:34.459 --> 00:04:36.579 I'd let you know. Yeah, that's fair. Arda Sian, 00:04:36.759 --> 00:04:39.740 here to help. So I'm just going to say I really 00:04:39.740 --> 00:04:42.779 appreciate that, guys, and I appreciate you coming 00:04:42.779 --> 00:04:46.420 and being here and believing me. Thank you, guys. 00:04:46.819 --> 00:04:50.600 Right. Shall we head somewhere? Shall we head 00:04:50.600 --> 00:04:53.279 to the factory? That might be a good idea. Yeah, 00:04:53.319 --> 00:04:55.639 I think the textile factory seems to be the way 00:04:55.639 --> 00:04:58.939 to go. You all bundle into the car and start 00:04:58.939 --> 00:05:01.319 heading off down towards Noonan's Textile Factory. 00:05:01.639 --> 00:05:04.100 It's on the eastern road out of Ballybogle, the 00:05:04.100 --> 00:05:06.420 same road that you used to reach the shack. And 00:05:06.420 --> 00:05:08.779 along the way, you come upon a wee turn off to 00:05:08.779 --> 00:05:11.050 the left. It's a little bit closer to the town 00:05:11.050 --> 00:05:13.350 than the shack is. It's around 20 minutes closer 00:05:13.350 --> 00:05:16.209 on foot, you'd guess. And it leads to an opening 00:05:16.209 --> 00:05:18.269 in the trees where the road turns into a wee 00:05:18.269 --> 00:05:21.189 dusty and wide driveway. In the distance, you 00:05:21.189 --> 00:05:24.170 see a large Victorian era red brick warehouse. 00:05:24.550 --> 00:05:27.529 It's got three stories and windows dotted around 00:05:27.529 --> 00:05:30.470 the exterior and an enormous set of big industrial 00:05:30.470 --> 00:05:33.089 loading doors that look like the slide open for 00:05:33.089 --> 00:05:36.339 deliveries. Big proper business doors. and in 00:05:36.339 --> 00:05:39.160 large, white -painted letters, you read Noonan's 00:05:39.160 --> 00:05:42.180 Textiles. As you hop out of the car and approach 00:05:42.180 --> 00:05:44.519 on foot, the building grows ever larger, until 00:05:44.519 --> 00:05:47.040 finally, dwarfed by its stature, you stand in 00:05:47.040 --> 00:05:49.500 front of those big, massive doors. Painted on 00:05:49.500 --> 00:05:51.379 that shutter is the word Deliveries, and next 00:05:51.379 --> 00:05:53.300 to the delivery doors is a big, large cardboard 00:05:53.300 --> 00:05:56.339 box with the Sweet Tooth stamped on it. It's 00:05:56.339 --> 00:06:00.939 weird that the Noonan Textiles has a big delivery 00:06:00.939 --> 00:06:03.730 of taffy. I go over to the box. You rip off the 00:06:03.730 --> 00:06:05.810 sellotape and you open it up. Inside, you do 00:06:05.810 --> 00:06:08.370 see loads and loads of wee bits of taffy. I'm 00:06:08.370 --> 00:06:10.189 going to have a roodle around. Gideon, you get 00:06:10.189 --> 00:06:13.149 to roodling. You jam your head into that box 00:06:13.149 --> 00:06:15.449 and start rummaging your hands about. You can 00:06:15.449 --> 00:06:18.009 give me an awareness roll. No, an investigation 00:06:18.009 --> 00:06:23.310 roll, please. That's 31 over 20. You're clawing 00:06:23.310 --> 00:06:26.810 around at it like a bear in a big honeypot. But 00:06:26.810 --> 00:06:29.689 all you feel in there, sweets, does just seem 00:06:29.689 --> 00:06:32.329 like this very generous sweet shop owner has 00:06:32.329 --> 00:06:35.610 gifted. thousands of taffy to this here textile 00:06:35.610 --> 00:06:39.670 factory. Now my ghee's all sticky. My sticky, 00:06:39.790 --> 00:06:43.990 beany ghee. There's nothing here, guys. Can I 00:06:43.990 --> 00:06:47.110 just see about maybe knocking on a door and maybe 00:06:47.110 --> 00:06:49.810 giving a wee rattle if no one responds? You walk 00:06:49.810 --> 00:06:53.050 up and you bang your fist on that big metal sliding 00:06:53.050 --> 00:06:55.290 door and you hear the big old clang and it echoes 00:06:55.290 --> 00:06:58.689 through the warehouse behind. After a few seconds, 00:06:58.730 --> 00:07:00.490 you don't hear any response. No one seems to 00:07:00.490 --> 00:07:02.379 come to meet you. Jesus, why do you announce 00:07:02.379 --> 00:07:06.420 that we're here? Well, why wouldn't I? Are we 00:07:06.420 --> 00:07:09.199 doing this secretly? Dolan, we're trespassing. 00:07:09.339 --> 00:07:13.339 Yeah. High five. I didn't think... It's a big 00:07:13.339 --> 00:07:15.560 factory. I was going to talk to people. Dolan, 00:07:15.579 --> 00:07:17.899 high five. I'm not high -fiving you. You're sticky. 00:07:18.100 --> 00:07:21.879 You're hairy. You're smelly of beans. Well, there 00:07:21.879 --> 00:07:25.100 doesn't seem to be anyone around, per se. I mean... 00:07:25.420 --> 00:07:29.060 If we need to, I can open locks. We can just 00:07:29.060 --> 00:07:31.620 have a wander, see what we find. I mean, that 00:07:31.620 --> 00:07:33.180 was my point. I was just going to talk to people 00:07:33.180 --> 00:07:34.899 and just say we're here on the mayor's order. 00:07:35.060 --> 00:07:38.379 They don't know otherwise. Oh, I like that. It's 00:07:38.379 --> 00:07:41.279 a small town. I mean, if you think that will 00:07:41.279 --> 00:07:44.079 fly, then... From the very brief time we spent 00:07:44.079 --> 00:07:46.800 with the mayor, he seems the kind of guy who 00:07:46.800 --> 00:07:49.470 would flop that off on us. Well, he's on holiday 00:07:49.470 --> 00:07:51.730 now, so they can't even get hold of him. He definitely 00:07:51.730 --> 00:07:53.790 has his phone off. To be fair, he already flopped 00:07:53.790 --> 00:07:57.170 off two events simultaneously onto us. Are we 00:07:57.170 --> 00:08:01.449 the mayor? No. Oh, shit. No, no. No, I don't 00:08:01.449 --> 00:08:04.329 think we've got mayoral responsibilities. Yeah, 00:08:04.430 --> 00:08:07.480 we literally did. We got deputized in front of 00:08:07.480 --> 00:08:09.480 the whole town. Oh, wait, no, we were deputized. 00:08:09.540 --> 00:08:11.500 No, Sylvester, you've got to stay on my side 00:08:11.500 --> 00:08:15.519 on this. We're not the mayor. We don't have mayoral 00:08:15.519 --> 00:08:17.920 powers. What really makes you a mayor is your 00:08:17.920 --> 00:08:20.399 actions. Yeah, so we're going to trespass into 00:08:20.399 --> 00:08:23.139 this factory. For the truth. Yeah, yeah, should 00:08:23.139 --> 00:08:25.899 start with maybe, like, the windows. The door. 00:08:25.920 --> 00:08:28.639 We can do the door. Is the door locked? The door 00:08:28.639 --> 00:08:30.800 does appear to be locked. You can attempt an 00:08:30.800 --> 00:08:32.899 engineering rule. You also do notice along the 00:08:32.899 --> 00:08:34.980 side of the building there's a set of rickety 00:08:34.980 --> 00:08:38.159 steel steps. They lead up towards the roof. So 00:08:38.159 --> 00:08:40.080 it looks like there's a fire exit along the side 00:08:40.080 --> 00:08:42.539 of the building as well. While you guys work 00:08:42.539 --> 00:08:46.110 on this door, I'm going to try these. rickety 00:08:46.110 --> 00:08:48.309 old steps. I'm pretty loud of feet ever since 00:08:48.309 --> 00:08:50.509 Mervyn taught me how to do this. Absolutely eat 00:08:50.509 --> 00:08:53.570 shit. I want you to have to roll for whatever 00:08:53.570 --> 00:08:55.929 you're about to do. What are you attempting to 00:08:55.929 --> 00:08:58.669 do, Gain? I think I'm just trying to do something 00:08:58.669 --> 00:09:00.830 cool. Maybe like a backflip. A backflip! Oh, 00:09:00.850 --> 00:09:03.009 that's an agility roll. Please give me an agility 00:09:03.009 --> 00:09:05.029 roll to see if you can land a sweet backflip. 00:09:05.470 --> 00:09:09.429 80... Wait, you don't know my agility. 84 over 00:09:09.429 --> 00:09:16.000 20. Oh, Christ. Your feet barely get off the 00:09:16.000 --> 00:09:18.679 ground before you land on your arse. Maybe you 00:09:18.679 --> 00:09:21.259 bruise your coccyx. I'm going to go up the steps. 00:09:22.820 --> 00:09:26.259 You just see Gideon hobble away. Gideon hobble? 00:09:26.500 --> 00:09:30.580 Gideon hobble away, clutching his bottom. Oh, 00:09:30.600 --> 00:09:32.659 Gideon, I'll come with you and we'll try and 00:09:32.659 --> 00:09:34.559 go up. I think he needs a bit of help because... 00:09:34.559 --> 00:09:36.799 Oh, he does. Because if he falls... Hold his 00:09:36.799 --> 00:09:38.440 wee hand there as you go up the stairs. Okay, 00:09:38.500 --> 00:09:40.519 no, we'll hold hands. I'll reach down and grab 00:09:40.519 --> 00:09:43.899 your hand. Oh, yeah. Just like Papa. Can Maddy 00:09:43.899 --> 00:09:46.139 try and open the door? So with that, Sylvester 00:09:46.139 --> 00:09:48.500 and Gideon head up the fire escape as Maddy sets 00:09:48.500 --> 00:09:52.419 to work on this big old door. I'll need an engineering 00:09:52.419 --> 00:09:56.139 rule from you to try and pick the lock. 88 over 00:09:56.139 --> 00:10:00.179 40. You think if you had maybe the right tools 00:10:00.179 --> 00:10:02.480 and significantly more training, you might be 00:10:02.480 --> 00:10:05.360 able to get through this, but no, it looks like 00:10:05.360 --> 00:10:07.799 it's a big old lock. These doors have been there 00:10:07.799 --> 00:10:10.460 for a long time. Do you mind if I give it a go? 00:10:10.700 --> 00:10:15.879 You can indeed. I mean, I've done a lot of this 00:10:15.879 --> 00:10:20.340 over the years. 28 under 80. Oh. You realize 00:10:20.340 --> 00:10:23.580 it's mostly just getting a little bit of internal 00:10:23.580 --> 00:10:26.179 momentum on those barrels. And you do hear this 00:10:26.179 --> 00:10:31.059 satisfying clunk as the mechanism gives way. 00:10:31.279 --> 00:10:35.100 And you're able to slide these big doors to the 00:10:35.100 --> 00:10:38.080 side. I've come across the odd stuck door in 00:10:38.080 --> 00:10:40.759 my time. All right, let them show off. Do you 00:10:40.759 --> 00:10:42.259 want me to lock it again? Do you want a no -go? 00:10:42.379 --> 00:10:44.539 No, no. I can do that if you want. No, no, it's 00:10:44.539 --> 00:10:48.139 okay. Just... Yeah. We did it together, if anyone 00:10:48.139 --> 00:10:51.899 asks. Yeah, you loosened it up. Thanks. With 00:10:51.899 --> 00:10:54.200 that, we'll cut over to Sylvester and Gideon. 00:10:54.340 --> 00:10:56.659 You gingerly make your way up the steps, which 00:10:56.659 --> 00:10:58.759 pass by several of the big, large curved windows. 00:10:59.360 --> 00:11:01.539 It's dark inside the building, but you can make 00:11:01.539 --> 00:11:03.980 out the shapes of machinery on the ground level. 00:11:04.669 --> 00:11:06.409 At the very top of the stairs, you find yourself 00:11:06.409 --> 00:11:09.490 on the flat roof of this structure. In the centre 00:11:09.490 --> 00:11:12.129 of the roof is a wee fire escape door, and dotted 00:11:12.129 --> 00:11:14.490 around it are a bunch of, like, bubbled skylight 00:11:14.490 --> 00:11:16.769 windows, the sort that you'd see meerkats poke 00:11:16.769 --> 00:11:19.330 their heads up into at the zoo. It's awfully 00:11:19.330 --> 00:11:23.769 high, isn't it? God. Oh, gosh. You're OK. You're 00:11:23.769 --> 00:11:26.710 OK. Oh, gosh. You're OK. Just don't... Just get 00:11:26.710 --> 00:11:28.429 away from the edge. Stop looking over the edge. 00:11:28.450 --> 00:11:30.870 Oh, gosh. Even looking through the windows. God. 00:11:31.639 --> 00:11:33.840 When you're this height, you realise there's 00:11:33.840 --> 00:11:37.639 a long way to fall. And I've fallen before, and 00:11:37.639 --> 00:11:41.940 it literally is like a tree falling over. I thought 00:11:41.940 --> 00:11:43.460 you were talking about your professional fall 00:11:43.460 --> 00:11:46.049 from grace. But you mean literally. No, no, I 00:11:46.049 --> 00:11:48.669 mean literally. And it's not a fall from grace 00:11:48.669 --> 00:11:53.090 because I did nothing that would not give me 00:11:53.090 --> 00:11:55.850 grace, if you know what I mean. But I have, you 00:11:55.850 --> 00:11:59.450 know, I've done nothing to make me not graceful, 00:11:59.450 --> 00:12:00.710 if you know what I mean. Sorry, I'm getting really 00:12:00.710 --> 00:12:02.649 defensive again. I know, I know. You've reared 00:12:02.649 --> 00:12:05.549 up to a full height. I am quite scared. Sorry, 00:12:05.970 --> 00:12:08.590 sorry. Don't be scared of me. I'm a nice man. 00:12:09.250 --> 00:12:12.029 Sylvester, we know you're a nice guy. We know 00:12:12.029 --> 00:12:13.350 you're a nice man. We know you didn't do it. 00:12:13.610 --> 00:12:15.769 You don't need to tell us. Do you want me to 00:12:15.769 --> 00:12:19.350 let your hand go? Yes, please. It's like a vice. 00:12:19.490 --> 00:12:22.250 Sorry. What do we see through the skylights? 00:12:22.570 --> 00:12:24.850 Through the skylights, looking down, you can 00:12:24.850 --> 00:12:28.750 see that there's a raised walkway that runs around, 00:12:29.009 --> 00:12:31.149 you know, about one storey up on the building. 00:12:31.289 --> 00:12:34.750 Inside, there's a huge collection of large bits 00:12:34.750 --> 00:12:37.309 of industrial machinery. There's big dye vats. 00:12:37.669 --> 00:12:40.950 There's... Big old sewing machines. There's all 00:12:40.950 --> 00:12:43.769 sorts of leather belts and contraptions all over 00:12:43.769 --> 00:12:46.250 the place. However, the whole place is currently 00:12:46.250 --> 00:12:48.610 lying dormant. There's no lights on down here. 00:12:48.690 --> 00:12:51.350 And you can see silhouetted in the doorway your 00:12:51.350 --> 00:12:55.590 two fellow knuckles standing down there. Back 00:12:55.590 --> 00:12:58.470 down on the ground floor. So is this like a sort 00:12:58.470 --> 00:13:01.230 of loading area? Is it just like a... I'm picturing 00:13:01.230 --> 00:13:03.909 like a gym hall sized room, I guess. The actual 00:13:03.909 --> 00:13:06.149 room itself, yeah, it's sort of... It's probably 00:13:06.149 --> 00:13:09.639 about the size of two gym halls. So a big hall, 00:13:09.820 --> 00:13:12.659 but it's a big open space. You do see there's 00:13:12.659 --> 00:13:14.820 a clearing at the front where you'd be able to 00:13:14.820 --> 00:13:18.399 reverse a van into to get bales of fabric on 00:13:18.399 --> 00:13:21.559 and off. And then lining each side of the room, 00:13:21.679 --> 00:13:24.779 there are big electrified looms that would make 00:13:24.779 --> 00:13:28.620 material. There are... dye vats and then there 00:13:28.620 --> 00:13:32.259 are machines to spool and prep the fabric for 00:13:32.259 --> 00:13:34.620 shipping and distribution. Is this the room with 00:13:34.620 --> 00:13:37.820 the skylight? Yes, you can see the skylight dotted 00:13:37.820 --> 00:13:41.279 above you and you can see your two friends peering 00:13:41.279 --> 00:13:43.899 down through one of them. I give them a quick 00:13:43.899 --> 00:13:49.029 wave. I give them the fingers. Belovedly. The 00:13:49.029 --> 00:13:52.049 two friends up above, you can see that this window 00:13:52.049 --> 00:13:55.509 that is open is directly over this floating walkway 00:13:55.509 --> 00:13:58.649 that hangs over the main factory floor. Sylvester, 00:13:58.809 --> 00:14:00.950 with your long, long arms, do you think you could 00:14:00.950 --> 00:14:02.970 lower me down to that walkway? Do you know, I 00:14:02.970 --> 00:14:05.429 believe I could actually. I'll just maybe hang 00:14:05.429 --> 00:14:07.909 on and then you climb down my body like it's 00:14:07.909 --> 00:14:11.370 a ladder. That is not what I envisioned, but 00:14:11.370 --> 00:14:14.070 it's even better. Let's give it a go. Okay, right. 00:14:14.169 --> 00:14:17.580 Well, I'll be hanging. I'm hanging. Right, I'm 00:14:17.580 --> 00:14:21.460 hung. Right, you go now. Sylvester hangs by his 00:14:21.460 --> 00:14:24.580 arms down this window and Gideon tries to slide 00:14:24.580 --> 00:14:26.659 down him like a man rope. Can I please have a 00:14:26.659 --> 00:14:29.080 might roll from Sylvester to hold on and from 00:14:29.080 --> 00:14:31.639 Gideon to, as graciously as possible, shimmy 00:14:31.639 --> 00:14:37.120 down his long length. Two. I want you to know 00:14:37.120 --> 00:14:41.360 that I'll always try to do these things. 91 over 00:14:41.360 --> 00:14:45.250 20. Sylvester's vice -like grip doesn't give 00:14:45.250 --> 00:14:49.009 way, but Gideon tumbles from his length and lands 00:14:49.009 --> 00:14:51.490 on the walkway. You notice instantly that this 00:14:51.490 --> 00:14:53.309 thing is not as secure as you'd like. It sort 00:14:53.309 --> 00:14:56.009 of shakes and quivers as you land, like the sort 00:14:56.009 --> 00:14:57.649 of moving floor you'd get at a haunted house. 00:14:57.889 --> 00:15:00.409 That's okay. If it was really stiff, that would 00:15:00.409 --> 00:15:02.730 be bad engineering. I'm sure this is totally 00:15:02.730 --> 00:15:05.450 fine. Do you reckon, like, I could maybe get 00:15:05.450 --> 00:15:10.730 down, do you reckon? Um... Or is it gonna split 00:15:10.730 --> 00:15:15.419 in two if my... Long body hits that. Hold on 00:15:15.419 --> 00:15:17.860 a second. And I kind of get up and feel about 00:15:17.860 --> 00:15:23.019 it. Will you catch me? I will not. Down on the 00:15:23.019 --> 00:15:27.620 ground, you two here, Gideon, land on that walkway. 00:15:27.740 --> 00:15:30.600 And your eyes dart up and you can see Sylvester 00:15:30.600 --> 00:15:34.559 hanging from a window. Oh, mind yourself. What 00:15:34.559 --> 00:15:38.120 are you two idiots doing? Hiya. Hi, Sylvester. 00:15:38.120 --> 00:15:40.000 Are you all right, Sylvester? I'm living my dream 00:15:40.000 --> 00:15:42.909 here. I think your friends hurt, though. Are 00:15:42.909 --> 00:15:45.889 you hurt? No, I'm actually, I'm all right. I've 00:15:45.889 --> 00:15:50.269 still hurt my bottom, but I'm okay. I wave down 00:15:50.269 --> 00:15:51.909 like I'm the queen. From your vantage point, 00:15:51.970 --> 00:15:55.110 Gideon, you can notice on the same level as the 00:15:55.110 --> 00:15:58.149 catwalk, you see a little box -like room, so 00:15:58.149 --> 00:16:00.190 sort of one story up, and it looks like it's 00:16:00.190 --> 00:16:02.370 the control room for the warehouse. Now, unfortunately, 00:16:02.490 --> 00:16:04.789 the door access on the catwalk is on the other 00:16:04.789 --> 00:16:07.169 side of the warehouse. You cannot access that 00:16:07.169 --> 00:16:09.129 control room from the walkway that you're currently 00:16:09.129 --> 00:16:12.360 on. Are there any other rooms or offices that 00:16:12.360 --> 00:16:14.700 we can see about the place besides this, even 00:16:14.700 --> 00:16:17.919 a kitchen? There's a little kitchenette that's 00:16:17.919 --> 00:16:20.279 open -planned on the ground floor. The main space 00:16:20.279 --> 00:16:23.320 is entirely open -planned. At the end of the 00:16:23.320 --> 00:16:27.419 catwalk, there is a lift system that looks like 00:16:27.419 --> 00:16:29.179 it's designed for transporting equipment parts. 00:16:29.419 --> 00:16:34.100 So chemicals, dyes, bales of fabric. It would 00:16:34.100 --> 00:16:37.460 also undoubtedly carry a human, because... After 00:16:37.460 --> 00:16:39.779 all, what is a human but a piece of equipment 00:16:39.779 --> 00:16:43.480 in this temple of unfettered capitalism? Can 00:16:43.480 --> 00:16:48.000 we venture towards the lift? I'm thinking might 00:16:48.000 --> 00:16:50.600 we need some kind of access pass to access the 00:16:50.600 --> 00:16:52.759 lift, but let's check out the lift first. As 00:16:52.759 --> 00:16:54.500 you venture further into the warehouse, it is 00:16:54.500 --> 00:16:56.440 very dark in here. You can pull out your trusty 00:16:56.440 --> 00:16:59.059 OSNA flashlights and illuminate the space a bit. 00:17:00.220 --> 00:17:04.240 At the bottom... Near the elevator itself, you 00:17:04.240 --> 00:17:07.420 see a big panel of buttons. You'd wager that 00:17:07.420 --> 00:17:09.039 one of those must surely control the lights. 00:17:09.200 --> 00:17:11.640 There's four buttons that you can see. There's 00:17:11.640 --> 00:17:15.039 a red, a green, a blue and a yellow. Maddy has 00:17:15.039 --> 00:17:19.180 all four fingers extended and is going towards 00:17:19.180 --> 00:17:22.259 the control panel. As Maddy's four fingers simultaneously 00:17:22.259 --> 00:17:25.980 press every single button, you hear the entire 00:17:25.980 --> 00:17:29.839 factory spring into life. As the lights hum and 00:17:29.839 --> 00:17:32.740 flicker on, you start hearing steam hissing the 00:17:32.740 --> 00:17:34.900 whirring of these large machines spinning up. 00:17:35.000 --> 00:17:37.440 There's a faint bubbling sound of liquid, like 00:17:37.440 --> 00:17:40.480 a wonderful choreographed dance. Or those synchronized 00:17:40.480 --> 00:17:42.700 swimmers you saw earlier. Each of these machines 00:17:42.700 --> 00:17:45.640 begin their automated tasks. So great leather 00:17:45.640 --> 00:17:48.019 belts start driving overhead, operating these 00:17:48.019 --> 00:17:51.160 conveyors. Looms and mules send shuttles firing 00:17:51.160 --> 00:17:53.869 at high speeds back and forth. all powered by 00:17:53.869 --> 00:17:55.789 high -pressure steam which hisses and erupts 00:17:55.789 --> 00:17:58.150 in plumes of intense heat around the catwalk 00:17:58.150 --> 00:18:01.170 and large vats of caustic dyes bubble underfoot. 00:18:01.329 --> 00:18:03.529 It's like that machine that Charlie Chaplin got 00:18:03.529 --> 00:18:06.650 all tied up in that time. A blast of steam suddenly 00:18:06.650 --> 00:18:09.069 shoots up from the machines below towards the 00:18:09.069 --> 00:18:11.210 catwalk. I'm going to need a preservation roll 00:18:11.210 --> 00:18:18.619 from you. 60%. Oh! 11 under 60. You take a little 00:18:18.619 --> 00:18:21.579 dive to the side as this blast of steam flies 00:18:21.579 --> 00:18:24.319 up through the metal grill beside you. Sylvester, 00:18:24.319 --> 00:18:28.160 are you okay? Oh, the soles of my feet got a 00:18:28.160 --> 00:18:30.960 bit hot. I'm going to ask for another mic roll 00:18:30.960 --> 00:18:34.859 to hold on from the shock of this thing. 78 over 00:18:34.859 --> 00:18:40.250 20. Oh, no. Oh, God, no! The sensation of hot 00:18:40.250 --> 00:18:43.569 feet make your fingers momentarily release. You 00:18:43.569 --> 00:18:45.430 don't have that far to fall, but the weight of 00:18:45.430 --> 00:18:48.269 you hitting that thing makes the entire catwalk 00:18:48.269 --> 00:18:51.390 shudder and judder underfoot. I'm going to need 00:18:51.390 --> 00:18:54.529 preservation rules from both of you to keep your 00:18:54.529 --> 00:19:01.589 balance. 92. Oh, well, I got 64, so... Am I dying? 00:19:02.200 --> 00:19:04.680 As you land, you try to get your foot in, but 00:19:04.680 --> 00:19:06.839 this thing, every move you make, this catwalk's 00:19:06.839 --> 00:19:10.720 moving in the opposite direction. And as, let's 00:19:10.720 --> 00:19:14.740 say, Gideon, you begin to tumble, you grab onto 00:19:14.740 --> 00:19:17.259 Sylvester for support, dragging him with you. 00:19:17.299 --> 00:19:23.230 You fall from the catwalk until... You landed 00:19:23.230 --> 00:19:26.930 in a big vat of white dye. It erupts over the 00:19:26.930 --> 00:19:29.430 edges and splashes onto the floor, and you two 00:19:29.430 --> 00:19:32.190 are paddling frantically. Can we just press the 00:19:32.190 --> 00:19:34.250 four buttons again to stop this? You don't know 00:19:34.250 --> 00:19:37.809 which one does what. All four get switched back 00:19:37.809 --> 00:19:41.150 on. Maddie presses the four buttons. Sorry, sorry, 00:19:41.210 --> 00:19:43.930 sorry, sorry! The lights immediately go out. 00:19:43.950 --> 00:19:47.089 The belts begin to slow. The building heat in 00:19:47.089 --> 00:19:49.609 that big vat of dye begins to slowly subside. 00:19:49.650 --> 00:19:51.970 You don't feel the same bubbling, but you are... 00:19:52.889 --> 00:19:55.710 A bony white. I've never looked more like a ghoul. 00:19:56.329 --> 00:19:59.390 You pull yourself up to the sides and pop your 00:19:59.390 --> 00:20:02.369 shocking visages over the edge. Can I, like, 00:20:02.369 --> 00:20:04.789 flop over the edge? Like a child trying to climb 00:20:04.789 --> 00:20:07.730 over a fence, you flop over the edge and slap 00:20:07.730 --> 00:20:12.089 onto the ground. Every inch of you is a blinding 00:20:12.089 --> 00:20:15.049 white. I'm so sorry, Gideon. Can someone get 00:20:15.049 --> 00:20:17.329 me a napkin for my mouth and my eyes? Matty has 00:20:17.329 --> 00:20:19.430 tissue on them. Matty pulls out some tissues 00:20:19.430 --> 00:20:22.589 and passes them to Gideon. I'm so sorry. How 00:20:22.589 --> 00:20:26.269 about you, Sylvester? How are you doing? Sylvester 00:20:26.269 --> 00:20:30.470 pulls himself out of the vat and has his little 00:20:30.470 --> 00:20:33.250 feet on the side. He's got little feet as well. 00:20:35.250 --> 00:20:41.589 And then he jumps off. And he does land on his 00:20:41.589 --> 00:20:43.450 feet, but you can tell it hurt, but he's trying 00:20:43.450 --> 00:20:47.490 to make it seem like it didn't hurt. Can I quickly 00:20:47.490 --> 00:20:50.690 press on and off each of them? the buttons in 00:20:50.690 --> 00:20:54.329 alternate to see which one is the light. So that 00:20:54.329 --> 00:20:56.609 we at least have that covered. Maddy systematically 00:20:56.609 --> 00:20:59.190 works their way through the buttons on the control 00:20:59.190 --> 00:21:03.210 panel. That red one seems to get the steam power 00:21:03.210 --> 00:21:05.509 up and running. So like it seems to basically 00:21:05.509 --> 00:21:09.130 provide the pressure and power that will run 00:21:09.130 --> 00:21:11.390 a lot of these machines. The green button gets 00:21:11.390 --> 00:21:14.829 the larger mechanisms going, like the actual 00:21:14.829 --> 00:21:19.049 machinery. The blue button seems to ignite the 00:21:19.049 --> 00:21:21.869 burners underneath the dyes to get them up to 00:21:21.869 --> 00:21:24.829 temperature. And the yellow button lights up 00:21:24.829 --> 00:21:28.049 the factory. The lift leads up to the gantry 00:21:28.049 --> 00:21:30.269 that you were on and that you fell off. The other 00:21:30.269 --> 00:21:33.289 gantry has a little set of wrought iron stairs 00:21:33.289 --> 00:21:35.710 that will bring you up to the doorway into the 00:21:35.710 --> 00:21:38.549 control room. We got the stairs! The door to 00:21:38.549 --> 00:21:40.670 the control room appears to be unlocked. You 00:21:40.670 --> 00:21:43.170 can push open that door and inside the lights 00:21:43.170 --> 00:21:45.430 flicker on automatically when you enter. And 00:21:45.430 --> 00:21:46.950 you're able to see a large personal computer 00:21:46.950 --> 00:21:49.289 system on an ornate desk with a little plaque 00:21:49.289 --> 00:21:52.809 on it, which reads Amanda Noonan. There's a delightful 00:21:52.809 --> 00:21:54.970 bouquet of flowers next to a Newton's cradle 00:21:54.970 --> 00:21:57.190 and a big box of chocolates with all the nut 00:21:57.190 --> 00:21:59.990 ones missing. She's got one of those unnecessarily 00:21:59.990 --> 00:22:02.069 fiddly cigarette dispensers that makes them all 00:22:02.069 --> 00:22:04.349 pop out like a wee flower. Is there a printer? 00:22:04.589 --> 00:22:06.809 There is indeed a printer hooked up to that computer. 00:22:07.069 --> 00:22:09.309 Also, on the rear wall of the main office, you 00:22:09.309 --> 00:22:12.460 see an enormous and lavish oil painting. of a 00:22:12.460 --> 00:22:16.079 man facing a regal gold -framed mirror. His hand 00:22:16.079 --> 00:22:18.140 is pressed against the glass, but the reflection 00:22:18.140 --> 00:22:21.279 facing back is that of a lion. You quickly recognise 00:22:21.279 --> 00:22:24.420 the man as Mayor John, and by extension, probably 00:22:24.420 --> 00:22:26.859 the lion too, and they're both in his signature 00:22:26.859 --> 00:22:29.259 pinstripe suit. The bottom half of the mirror 00:22:29.259 --> 00:22:31.920 is all steamed up, undoubtedly from the sheer 00:22:31.920 --> 00:22:34.380 heat of the man, with some small letters squeakily 00:22:34.380 --> 00:22:36.339 written upon it. What are the small letters? 00:22:36.680 --> 00:22:41.099 You can see that it's the word reflections. But 00:22:41.099 --> 00:22:44.660 all of the E's are threes. Can I try logging 00:22:44.660 --> 00:22:46.339 into the computer with that as the password, 00:22:46.440 --> 00:22:48.980 please? You boot up that computer. It's running 00:22:48.980 --> 00:22:51.640 Windows 3 .1, which, as you'll all know, is the 00:22:51.640 --> 00:22:53.420 first 32 -bit version of the operating system. 00:22:53.539 --> 00:22:59.940 You are indeed able to type in R3FL3CTIONS. And 00:22:59.940 --> 00:23:03.200 when you hit enter, you are welcomed by a beautiful 00:23:03.200 --> 00:23:06.259 little desktop screen. Is there, like, deleted 00:23:06.259 --> 00:23:09.220 files or a folder for, like, trash or anything? 00:23:10.720 --> 00:23:13.920 this computer. Yes, there is indeed a little 00:23:13.920 --> 00:23:16.859 wastebasket. Inside, you find what look like 00:23:16.859 --> 00:23:20.119 reply draft emails that she hasn't decided to 00:23:20.119 --> 00:23:22.819 send. It looks like she's trying to write something 00:23:22.819 --> 00:23:26.140 a wee bit saucy, but isn't quite getting the 00:23:26.140 --> 00:23:28.740 hang of it. And you'd guess she's probably got 00:23:28.740 --> 00:23:30.539 a wee bit embarrassed about it and just deleted 00:23:30.539 --> 00:23:33.259 the email. Dolan, you'd love this. I'm going 00:23:33.259 --> 00:23:35.559 to ignore that. I'm sure we'd love to hear some 00:23:35.559 --> 00:23:38.289 of these attempted saucy emails. In one of them, 00:23:38.349 --> 00:23:41.029 it starts off all right. You know, she's done 00:23:41.029 --> 00:23:43.289 a lot of scene setting. She's talking about, 00:23:43.369 --> 00:23:45.130 you know, setting out in the moonlight. But then 00:23:45.130 --> 00:23:47.289 she gets fixated and keeps talking about his 00:23:47.289 --> 00:23:49.789 thick neck. And she keeps saying thick neck over 00:23:49.789 --> 00:23:52.210 and over and over again. And then that one just 00:23:52.210 --> 00:23:54.769 got trashed. Another one, she goes into way too 00:23:54.769 --> 00:23:56.650 much detail about her own clothes. I don't want 00:23:56.650 --> 00:23:59.029 to hear about it. I want to hear it. Why doesn't 00:23:59.029 --> 00:24:04.869 Gideon read it? Yeah, Gideon reads emails. Dear 00:24:04.869 --> 00:24:08.069 John. I'm looking out over the factory floor 00:24:08.069 --> 00:24:12.910 at all this bubbling liquid. Mmm. Look at it 00:24:12.910 --> 00:24:17.089 go. Just thinking about that thick white liquid. 00:24:17.309 --> 00:24:22.109 Whoa. Whoa, what? I'm just reading it out. No, 00:24:22.130 --> 00:24:23.910 continue. I can stop reading if people are uncomfortable. 00:24:23.910 --> 00:24:28.690 No, continue. Skip a few lines. Thick neck, thick 00:24:28.690 --> 00:24:33.089 neck, thick neck. I want to grab your thick neck. 00:24:34.329 --> 00:24:38.279 You're my lion. And I am the ringmaster. Wa -pa! 00:24:38.460 --> 00:24:43.099 Wa -pa! Bubbling white liquid. I'm going to make 00:24:43.099 --> 00:24:46.799 you pretty. You're my pretty little lion. Yours 00:24:46.799 --> 00:24:52.779 sincerely, Amanda. Is there other things on the 00:24:52.779 --> 00:24:58.059 computer? It looks like this machine functions 00:24:58.059 --> 00:25:01.039 as sort of the hub of this whole place. There's 00:25:01.039 --> 00:25:03.019 remote controls for opening and closing the large 00:25:03.019 --> 00:25:05.720 main doors. There's a breakdown of chemicals 00:25:05.720 --> 00:25:08.759 used in all of the dyes, and it appears that 00:25:08.759 --> 00:25:10.779 it's actually a big selling point of this place, 00:25:10.859 --> 00:25:13.079 that all of these are sort of naturally occurring 00:25:13.079 --> 00:25:15.359 dyes. It would appear that everything is environmentally 00:25:15.359 --> 00:25:18.259 sound and friendly, and it's kind of their whole 00:25:18.259 --> 00:25:22.339 deal. They're, uh, yeah, they... pride themselves 00:25:22.339 --> 00:25:25.960 on only using natural colours and natural materials. 00:25:26.380 --> 00:25:28.799 Unlike these emails, it seems like this place 00:25:28.799 --> 00:25:31.200 is completely clean. Well, I didn't want to say 00:25:31.200 --> 00:25:33.779 that I was worried about that dye being corrosive 00:25:33.779 --> 00:25:35.339 because I didn't want to freak you guys out. 00:25:35.359 --> 00:25:37.279 I already felt quite responsible, but it looks 00:25:37.279 --> 00:25:39.299 like you're probably going to be okay. It was 00:25:39.299 --> 00:25:42.359 one of the first thoughts in my mind when we 00:25:42.359 --> 00:25:45.339 were submerged. I was like, we'd know quickly 00:25:45.339 --> 00:25:49.480 if it was, you know. Yeah. It was bad. Yeah, 00:25:49.500 --> 00:25:51.400 yeah, yeah. I was more worried about my eyes 00:25:51.400 --> 00:25:52.920 more than anything. That's weird. I was worried 00:25:52.920 --> 00:25:56.180 about my teeth. I would say that while your skin 00:25:56.180 --> 00:25:57.920 didn't start burning off you, in this sort of 00:25:57.920 --> 00:26:00.099 concentration, you are still a wee bit stingy 00:26:00.099 --> 00:26:01.859 in the eyes. Like, you can feel the itch on your 00:26:01.859 --> 00:26:04.440 skin because, you know, if you dive into a big 00:26:04.440 --> 00:26:07.420 barrel of green dye made of nettles, you're still 00:26:07.420 --> 00:26:10.299 probably not going to have a good time. Sorry, 00:26:10.400 --> 00:26:12.359 guys. I just want to rip off these emails for 00:26:12.359 --> 00:26:15.980 evidence. Rip them off, plagiarise them, publish 00:26:15.980 --> 00:26:19.920 these steamy stories. Listen, I don't think they're 00:26:19.920 --> 00:26:21.420 going to let me come back to work, so I've got 00:26:21.420 --> 00:26:23.400 to have some source of income. Why do you think 00:26:23.400 --> 00:26:25.220 they won't let you go back to work? I keep taking 00:26:25.220 --> 00:26:28.019 leave when I don't have leave. Okay, I know that's 00:26:28.019 --> 00:26:29.920 bad. You shouldn't be doing this. This isn't 00:26:29.920 --> 00:26:31.740 that important, to be quite honest. This is very 00:26:31.740 --> 00:26:35.559 important. Sylvester isn't important? This is 00:26:35.559 --> 00:26:37.960 everything to me, so don't be saying this isn't 00:26:37.960 --> 00:26:40.579 important. This is my livelihood and the teeth 00:26:40.579 --> 00:26:42.779 of the town. It's important for the teeth of 00:26:42.779 --> 00:26:44.549 the town. I'm just sort of saying, you know, 00:26:44.549 --> 00:26:46.069 me and Maddie could have probably done it. And 00:26:46.069 --> 00:26:47.470 it sounds like there's other knuckles out there. 00:26:47.750 --> 00:26:49.630 You know, you don't need to take off work for 00:26:49.630 --> 00:26:53.890 this. I like hanging out. Thanks, Maddie. But 00:26:53.890 --> 00:26:56.329 I don't want you to use, like, patience for that. 00:26:57.109 --> 00:26:59.829 Yeah. That is true. What do your patients do 00:26:59.829 --> 00:27:04.009 with their eyes if you are not available? You 00:27:04.009 --> 00:27:07.019 do important work outside of this. In addition 00:27:07.019 --> 00:27:10.900 to the info on the dyes itself, there's also 00:27:10.900 --> 00:27:12.839 a breakdown of some of the other materials that 00:27:12.839 --> 00:27:15.759 are used with some hazardous care, what to do 00:27:15.759 --> 00:27:17.660 with some of these things. It lists that sodium 00:27:17.660 --> 00:27:19.759 hydrosulfite is used in some of the processes. 00:27:19.940 --> 00:27:22.059 It warns against heating that above a certain 00:27:22.059 --> 00:27:24.160 temperature because once it has, if you mix it 00:27:24.160 --> 00:27:26.900 with cold water, it can combust violently. And 00:27:26.900 --> 00:27:29.240 there's also hydrochloric acid that is to be 00:27:29.240 --> 00:27:31.259 stored in the locked cabinet on the factory floor 00:27:31.259 --> 00:27:33.420 and should not be used without the correct protective 00:27:33.420 --> 00:27:35.359 safety gear, which is also to be found in the 00:27:35.359 --> 00:27:38.670 lock. cabinet. The painting seems a bit weird. 00:27:39.509 --> 00:27:44.009 So, can we lift it off to see? Can Maddy check 00:27:44.009 --> 00:27:46.450 if there's a safe behind it? Or like a little 00:27:46.450 --> 00:27:49.329 compartment? Because it feels big and ornate 00:27:49.329 --> 00:27:51.490 and out of place. With that, Maddy, you pull 00:27:51.490 --> 00:27:53.670 the painting forward slightly. You do not find 00:27:53.670 --> 00:27:56.829 a safe behind it, but balanced along the inside 00:27:56.829 --> 00:28:00.670 rim on the rear of the painting, a little set 00:28:00.670 --> 00:28:03.950 of keys drops and falls to the ground. This is 00:28:03.950 --> 00:28:08.440 a security nightmare. Both the password and the 00:28:08.440 --> 00:28:11.319 keys were attached to this painting. Between 00:28:11.319 --> 00:28:13.960 a lack of emergency shutdown button and there's 00:28:13.960 --> 00:28:17.400 no eye cleaning station, I have to do some complaints 00:28:17.400 --> 00:28:20.599 about this. But she does seem to love escape 00:28:20.599 --> 00:28:23.150 rooms. Maddie, what do you mean by that? People 00:28:23.150 --> 00:28:27.029 like to do puzzles. Seb used to bring me to escape 00:28:27.029 --> 00:28:29.509 rooms that he made. It was his parents' spare 00:28:29.509 --> 00:28:32.089 room and it was kind of a nightmare sometimes. 00:28:32.490 --> 00:28:35.349 Sometimes he forgot the combinations in his own 00:28:35.349 --> 00:28:38.740 locks. A moment of silence for Seb. Oh, he was 00:28:38.740 --> 00:28:40.539 the shit -covered fella. What did I just say? 00:28:40.720 --> 00:28:42.900 After fairly definitively disproving that this 00:28:42.900 --> 00:28:45.359 textile factory had anything to do with the pollution 00:28:45.359 --> 00:28:47.700 in the water, you all pile back into the car 00:28:47.700 --> 00:28:49.700 to head off towards your next lead. I say all 00:28:49.700 --> 00:28:52.339 of you pile into the car. Three of you do. Sylvester 00:28:52.339 --> 00:28:54.900 is running at a fair clip alongside. You've got 00:28:54.900 --> 00:28:56.640 the windows down so you can still chat to him. 00:28:57.000 --> 00:28:59.119 Sylvester, what is the... Oh, maybe you're not 00:28:59.119 --> 00:29:00.920 the person to ask about the sweet shop, actually. 00:29:01.180 --> 00:29:04.339 No, no, yeah. No, no, no, ask away. Is it... 00:29:04.339 --> 00:29:06.680 No, is it good? Is it well -priced? Like, have 00:29:06.680 --> 00:29:08.180 they got a variety of stuff? Obviously, we've 00:29:08.180 --> 00:29:10.660 seen a little bit of this taffy. Well, these 00:29:10.660 --> 00:29:13.259 shoes, it is well -priced. It's very reasonably 00:29:13.259 --> 00:29:15.079 priced. Marnie, can you slow down a wee bit? 00:29:15.220 --> 00:29:17.619 Yeah, thank you, thank you, thank you. I'm going 00:29:17.619 --> 00:29:21.420 four miles an hour. Oh, gosh. Sylvester, you 00:29:21.420 --> 00:29:23.480 said you could do this. This was like... I can. 00:29:24.019 --> 00:29:27.630 I can do it. You can sit in my bath. All right, 00:29:27.630 --> 00:29:29.289 give him a break. He was just covered in paint. 00:29:29.529 --> 00:29:32.869 I'm just, like, I've still got dye in my eyes. 00:29:33.549 --> 00:29:36.329 Do folks want me to swing by the sweet shop? 00:29:36.569 --> 00:29:39.829 We think we know the dye's okay. So it might 00:29:39.829 --> 00:29:43.089 be that the bad sweets, the accusation of bad 00:29:43.089 --> 00:29:46.329 taffy, might be a misdirect. Can we trust Alexander 00:29:46.329 --> 00:29:50.490 Little? Oh, you mean for investigation reasons? 00:29:50.589 --> 00:29:54.029 I was packish. Oh, we should get lunch, 100%. 00:29:54.029 --> 00:29:56.819 You hungry? I mean, I could eat. Let's go. No 00:29:56.819 --> 00:29:59.799 beans. After filling your boots at the Bridge 00:29:59.799 --> 00:30:01.779 and Crown on the all -you -can -eat Beef Wellington, 00:30:01.980 --> 00:30:04.240 although you do only get a finite number of sides, 00:30:04.339 --> 00:30:07.059 so you have to balance it, you head off towards 00:30:07.059 --> 00:30:10.319 your next lead, Linus Mawinney, the Reiki healer. 00:30:10.619 --> 00:30:16.319 So what exactly is Reiki? So Reiki is... like, 00:30:16.420 --> 00:30:19.759 energy healing. He's really good at it. I've 00:30:19.759 --> 00:30:22.400 been a few times. Like, everybody in the town, 00:30:22.460 --> 00:30:25.980 you know, wants to get a hold of Linus for their 00:30:25.980 --> 00:30:28.299 energy. You know, you don't want me going out 00:30:28.299 --> 00:30:31.839 and your energy is wrong. So, yeah, everyone 00:30:31.839 --> 00:30:34.440 goes to him. He's great at it. And this is the 00:30:34.440 --> 00:30:38.680 same Linus Mawinney that Maurice Piper, nicest 00:30:38.680 --> 00:30:42.859 man in the world, is deeply suspicious of. And 00:30:42.859 --> 00:30:46.380 he's even accused of doing the teeth thing. Yeah, 00:30:46.440 --> 00:30:48.440 yeah. Because of the lingering looks of wives. 00:30:48.640 --> 00:30:50.920 Well, probably it's something to do with how 00:30:50.920 --> 00:30:53.519 he does know everyone in the town because everyone 00:30:53.519 --> 00:30:56.720 goes to him. And the fact that he's sort of like, 00:30:56.980 --> 00:31:04.299 he's like a male witch. A warlock. Or I think, 00:31:04.319 --> 00:31:08.299 can men be witches? Wizard, I suppose. Oh, I 00:31:08.299 --> 00:31:10.779 think they can be witches. Witches, yeah. Everything's 00:31:10.779 --> 00:31:12.799 gender neutral if you want it to be. Yeah. That's 00:31:12.799 --> 00:31:14.660 so true. Would it be worthwhile to maybe ask 00:31:14.660 --> 00:31:16.940 him about... the various symbols we found in 00:31:16.940 --> 00:31:20.180 the cabin. If he knows all that spooky energy 00:31:20.180 --> 00:31:22.740 stuff, he might know what those are. He is the 00:31:22.740 --> 00:31:25.660 man to ask. On the edge of the village is a singular 00:31:25.660 --> 00:31:27.619 detached building with a surrounding garden. 00:31:27.940 --> 00:31:29.960 Poking your head through the gate, you see an 00:31:29.960 --> 00:31:32.099 array of dream catchers hanging off the hedges. 00:31:32.339 --> 00:31:34.480 You can even hear the twinkling of wind chimes 00:31:34.480 --> 00:31:36.200 to the rear of the structure. Creeping around, 00:31:36.420 --> 00:31:39.119 you see a set of steps leading up to a doorway 00:31:39.119 --> 00:31:41.220 on the second floor of the building. A small 00:31:41.220 --> 00:31:44.039 hand -painted sign reads Chakra Bleu. with a 00:31:44.039 --> 00:31:46.599 cross -legged figure in meditation pose. The 00:31:46.599 --> 00:31:48.700 opening times of the business are listed as 24 00:31:48.700 --> 00:31:51.740 -7. As you push open the door, you are both nasally 00:31:51.740 --> 00:31:54.359 and audibly assaulted by Nag Champa and Walesong, 00:31:54.420 --> 00:31:57.019 respectively. The foyer is quite clearly just 00:31:57.019 --> 00:31:59.619 a kitchen, with laminated A4 signage on every 00:31:59.619 --> 00:32:02.240 flat surface. They list various wellness techniques, 00:32:02.559 --> 00:32:06.240 yoga stretches, bad foods, Buddhist wisdom and 00:32:06.240 --> 00:32:08.799 healing tips. Emanating from down the hall, you 00:32:08.799 --> 00:32:12.529 hear muffled music and light giggling. This is 00:32:12.529 --> 00:32:14.670 a highly stimulating space. I'm overwhelmed. 00:32:14.990 --> 00:32:17.089 I think that's what it does. I think the whole 00:32:17.089 --> 00:32:21.190 point is to overwhelm you so that you get freaked 00:32:21.190 --> 00:32:24.009 out and then he can calm you down. And, you know, 00:32:24.029 --> 00:32:28.069 you've got your energy alit. What? You've got 00:32:28.069 --> 00:32:30.569 your energy alit. That's what he always says. 00:32:30.769 --> 00:32:33.230 Get your energy alit before you come. You'll 00:32:33.230 --> 00:32:36.019 have a better session. You can still hear there's 00:32:36.019 --> 00:32:38.680 noise coming from down the hall at the room at 00:32:38.680 --> 00:32:39.819 the end of the hall. There is a closed door, 00:32:39.880 --> 00:32:41.680 but it does appear that there's some life back 00:32:41.680 --> 00:32:44.059 there. It does feel like we could potentially 00:32:44.059 --> 00:32:48.779 be stepping in on an appointment of a description. 00:32:49.579 --> 00:32:53.019 A giggly appointment. Yeah, a very giggly, fun 00:32:53.019 --> 00:32:58.839 appointment. He does do giggle therapy too. What's 00:32:58.839 --> 00:33:01.779 that? It makes you watch maybe like a stand -up 00:33:01.779 --> 00:33:05.910 box set. or he tickles you. I don't want to do 00:33:05.910 --> 00:33:09.190 that. Let's just, you know what, let's just ask 00:33:09.190 --> 00:33:09.950 for recommendations. Let's knock on the door. 00:33:10.089 --> 00:33:11.849 Let's knock on the door, ask for recommendations. 00:33:11.950 --> 00:33:15.150 I don't know, maybe by a dreamcatcher. You don't 00:33:15.150 --> 00:33:16.829 hear any response from inside, probably over 00:33:16.829 --> 00:33:20.410 that music, but you can turn the wee handle and 00:33:20.410 --> 00:33:23.349 poke your head in. It's the calmest room you've 00:33:23.349 --> 00:33:26.109 ever seen. There's lamps, both salt and lava, 00:33:26.289 --> 00:33:29.569 everywhere. In the centre of the room is a classic 00:33:29.569 --> 00:33:32.849 Gladstone pottery wheel. next to a massage table 00:33:32.849 --> 00:33:35.490 against the far wall, and there's a small square 00:33:35.490 --> 00:33:37.990 dining table in the corner. And sitting at the 00:33:37.990 --> 00:33:40.829 dining table, you see a bald -headed figure with 00:33:40.829 --> 00:33:43.410 their back to you. But their lack of hair coverage 00:33:43.410 --> 00:33:47.190 up top is contrasted drastically by a long strawberry 00:33:47.190 --> 00:33:49.250 blonde ponytail emitting from the base of their 00:33:49.250 --> 00:33:51.650 skull, hanging down their back and kissing the 00:33:51.650 --> 00:33:54.730 floor. In front of them, basically sitting on 00:33:54.730 --> 00:33:57.490 their knee, is another figure. This one with 00:33:57.490 --> 00:34:00.589 a tightly scraped back blonde ponytail. As your 00:34:00.589 --> 00:34:02.789 eyes adjust to the moody lighting, you notice 00:34:02.789 --> 00:34:05.849 that it's Lynn, the church organist. They're 00:34:05.849 --> 00:34:08.909 sat in front of a pile of puzzle pieces. Linus's 00:34:08.909 --> 00:34:11.829 arms wrap around her slender frame gently and 00:34:11.829 --> 00:34:14.150 guide her towards the corner pieces of the jigsaw. 00:34:14.409 --> 00:34:19.710 Your eyes, my hands. We move as one to complete 00:34:19.710 --> 00:34:23.829 the picture. There we go. All the corner pieces 00:34:23.829 --> 00:34:28.170 are complete now, Lynn. It's time for the edges. 00:34:28.809 --> 00:34:30.469 I don't think I'm ready to do the edges just 00:34:30.469 --> 00:34:33.349 yet. Lynn, you've been coming to me for weeks. 00:34:33.789 --> 00:34:38.230 It is time for us to see how this little farmyard 00:34:38.230 --> 00:34:41.730 scene really looks. All right, but I'm going 00:34:41.730 --> 00:34:44.090 to start with the sky, okay? Of course. We'll 00:34:44.090 --> 00:34:46.809 do the top edge. Do the top edge. Let's find 00:34:46.809 --> 00:34:50.130 the clouds to... Oh. Um, excuse me, I believe 00:34:50.130 --> 00:34:52.610 I still have another 35 minutes on this session. 00:34:53.579 --> 00:34:56.980 Yes, my apologies. Oh, sorry. None of your doors 00:34:56.980 --> 00:34:59.900 were locked. No, I don't believe in them. Hiya. 00:34:59.960 --> 00:35:04.320 Hiya, Linus. How are you? Oh, Sylvester. Lovely 00:35:04.320 --> 00:35:07.900 to see you. How are you doing? Well, we need 00:35:07.900 --> 00:35:10.559 to ask you a few questions about something. I 00:35:10.559 --> 00:35:14.079 heard about the... The accusations around town, 00:35:14.219 --> 00:35:18.099 I'm very sorry that's happening to you. To another 00:35:18.099 --> 00:35:21.599 fellow medical professional. Yeah, to another 00:35:21.599 --> 00:35:24.719 healer. Healer to healer. Sorry, are you a medical 00:35:24.719 --> 00:35:28.460 professional? Well, energy is... Absolutely, 00:35:28.699 --> 00:35:31.840 yeah. Dolan, Dolan. Yeah, no, I'm... Dolan, please. 00:35:31.900 --> 00:35:34.400 Yeah, no, I'm trying, I'm trying. He's definitely 00:35:34.400 --> 00:35:38.300 a medical professional. He's changed many people's 00:35:38.300 --> 00:35:41.599 lives. Multiple lives. Lynn here. No, I... Hello 00:35:41.599 --> 00:35:44.420 again. This is actually just my first time here. 00:35:45.079 --> 00:35:49.579 Now Lynn. No, no, no, no. I booked this because 00:35:49.579 --> 00:35:51.420 you need to get put back on the straight and 00:35:51.420 --> 00:35:55.840 narrow. You need to find God. Yes, so no, I just 00:35:55.840 --> 00:35:58.340 needed a bit of help with the puzzle. Some nice 00:35:58.340 --> 00:36:00.840 edging going on here in this puzzle. Nice edging. 00:36:01.000 --> 00:36:03.739 I did most of this at home and then I knew where 00:36:03.739 --> 00:36:05.159 the pieces went. I dismantled it, brought it 00:36:05.159 --> 00:36:07.619 here, set it back up. I'm just getting a little 00:36:07.619 --> 00:36:10.940 bit of input from him and I'm doing the Lord's 00:36:10.940 --> 00:36:14.320 work here. I've never been here before. Right. 00:36:15.360 --> 00:36:18.440 We met Lynn briefly the other day. She was talking 00:36:18.440 --> 00:36:21.280 a little bit about adultery and the issues of 00:36:21.280 --> 00:36:24.099 the town and the fact that there's a lot of liars 00:36:24.099 --> 00:36:27.619 in town these days as well. Ultimately, it's 00:36:27.619 --> 00:36:29.860 all part of God's plan and I'm his instrument 00:36:29.860 --> 00:36:34.159 and I'm here to make sure that this young man 00:36:34.159 --> 00:36:37.659 learns the error of his ways and rejoins the 00:36:37.659 --> 00:36:41.179 flock. Oh, Lynn, that's so disappointing. You 00:36:41.179 --> 00:36:45.280 don't need to show off for these strangers. Be 00:36:45.280 --> 00:36:48.179 your true self. Lin, you come here to get your 00:36:48.179 --> 00:36:51.760 energy alit, right? And to heal and forgive yourself, 00:36:52.099 --> 00:36:55.599 yeah? That's why I'm a facilitator. Maybe for 00:36:55.599 --> 00:36:58.860 God, maybe for some other kind of spiritual energy. 00:36:58.960 --> 00:37:01.659 I don't know what's out there, man. Nobody does. 00:37:01.960 --> 00:37:04.420 What do you make of this? We find this on a cabin, 00:37:04.599 --> 00:37:08.239 an abandoned cabin, about 20 minutes outside 00:37:08.239 --> 00:37:09.840 of time. And we're trying to figure out where 00:37:09.840 --> 00:37:13.539 the person renting the place has gone. Brosnan. 00:37:14.210 --> 00:37:18.369 Brosnan? Yes. Not Pierce. That is, yes. Pierce 00:37:18.369 --> 00:37:21.550 Brosnan? Yeah. Is staying outside Ballybogle? 00:37:21.750 --> 00:37:25.750 Isn't that that weird fella? Lynn, he's not weird. 00:37:26.050 --> 00:37:28.309 He's always mucky and he never comes to math. 00:37:28.570 --> 00:37:33.030 Pierce is a wonderful fellow. He's out there 00:37:33.030 --> 00:37:37.559 in the woods, living off the land. You say his 00:37:37.559 --> 00:37:41.059 shack's abandoned? Yeah, we found animal skins. 00:37:41.599 --> 00:37:42.940 He clearly had been living there, but the place 00:37:42.940 --> 00:37:45.380 was in disarray. Also, what looked like an animal 00:37:45.380 --> 00:37:48.440 bed. Yeah, it seems like he hasn't handed in 00:37:48.440 --> 00:37:51.480 his rent for a couple of weeks, so we were asked 00:37:51.480 --> 00:37:53.599 to do a bit of a wellness check on him, check 00:37:53.599 --> 00:37:56.579 the place out. Oh, goodness. Well, I do hope 00:37:56.579 --> 00:38:00.300 he's okay, but the only person that really interacts 00:38:00.300 --> 00:38:03.780 with Brosnan would be Prunches, the lovely pint 00:38:03.780 --> 00:38:06.690 man. Was there... A horseshoe or something above 00:38:06.690 --> 00:38:09.309 the door as well? There was, yeah. Well, which 00:38:09.309 --> 00:38:13.010 way was it facing? It was facing down. Was it? 00:38:13.010 --> 00:38:15.230 Or the prongs were facing down, right? I thought 00:38:15.230 --> 00:38:19.570 it was in a U -shape. Well, what does both ways 00:38:19.570 --> 00:38:21.429 mean? Can you tell us what one way means and 00:38:21.429 --> 00:38:25.780 then the other? A horseshoe facing down normally 00:38:25.780 --> 00:38:30.320 represents a shielding protection, right? It's 00:38:30.320 --> 00:38:33.340 to keep bad forces, malevolent forces, from entering 00:38:33.340 --> 00:38:36.860 a space, whereas a horseshoe facing up represents 00:38:36.860 --> 00:38:40.460 a bowl to capture luck and energy and deliver 00:38:40.460 --> 00:38:43.699 luck into a space. St. Andrew's Cross, normally 00:38:43.699 --> 00:38:47.519 made with rowan branches, those are to ward off 00:38:47.519 --> 00:38:51.719 the good folk. The good folk? The fairies, the, 00:38:51.860 --> 00:38:55.710 you know. Worn them off? I don't like this at 00:38:55.710 --> 00:38:59.010 all. I'm sorry. I've told you, you can help me 00:38:59.010 --> 00:39:00.530 with this puzzle, but I don't want to hear about 00:39:00.530 --> 00:39:03.210 fairy folk and all that sort of nonsense. Lin, 00:39:03.289 --> 00:39:06.070 it's just old folklore. Linus, what do you make 00:39:06.070 --> 00:39:08.139 of all these teeth going missing? Surely there's 00:39:08.139 --> 00:39:10.360 something... Odd epidemic, isn't it? Real strange, 00:39:10.539 --> 00:39:12.800 real strange. But of course, the body, the human 00:39:12.800 --> 00:39:16.219 body, it ages and decays. Things fall off, sometimes 00:39:16.219 --> 00:39:18.780 a fingernail, sometimes an eyelash. You think 00:39:18.780 --> 00:39:21.099 this is standard senescence. You think this is 00:39:21.099 --> 00:39:24.059 just people getting old. Who am I to say, new 00:39:24.059 --> 00:39:26.860 friend? Who am I to say? I merely experience 00:39:26.860 --> 00:39:30.039 the life that is set before me. Linus, I know 00:39:30.039 --> 00:39:33.340 we've only just met. I was just wondering. I 00:39:33.340 --> 00:39:37.440 have a friend and... I just think you'd be really 00:39:37.440 --> 00:39:42.699 their type. Maddie looks over to Dylan. And I 00:39:42.699 --> 00:39:44.960 just wanted to know if you're, like, available, 00:39:45.059 --> 00:39:47.059 if you're, like, seeing anyone at the moment? 00:39:47.320 --> 00:39:53.400 I wouldn't want to put labels on anything. Oh, 00:39:53.400 --> 00:39:55.139 no, that's what I mean. Just, like, seeing, like, 00:39:55.179 --> 00:39:57.860 even if it's not exclusive or, like, more casual. 00:39:58.480 --> 00:40:00.360 Lynn, are you okay? You look like you've been 00:40:00.360 --> 00:40:04.500 shot. You know, this isn't the sort of thing 00:40:04.500 --> 00:40:07.099 you should just be laying out in front, talking 00:40:07.099 --> 00:40:09.519 about your personal life. What happens behind 00:40:09.519 --> 00:40:12.360 closed doors happens behind closed doors. Or 00:40:12.360 --> 00:40:14.559 beaded curtains. We were once animals of the 00:40:14.559 --> 00:40:18.579 field. We ran free out in nature. There's nothing 00:40:18.579 --> 00:40:20.639 to be ashamed of. You shouldn't be ashamed of 00:40:20.639 --> 00:40:23.159 your feelings, of our feelings. Me and Linus 00:40:23.159 --> 00:40:25.039 are comfortable having this conversation in front 00:40:25.039 --> 00:40:27.119 of people, so I don't think we should be shamed 00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:29.519 for that. I have to go put out the mass leaflets. 00:40:29.760 --> 00:40:33.199 Oh, Lin. No, no, no. I need to prep for tomorrow's 00:40:33.199 --> 00:40:36.840 service. A good day to all of you. I'm so sorry 00:40:36.840 --> 00:40:40.059 you all had to see that. Do you mind if I turn 00:40:40.059 --> 00:40:43.159 off the music? Oh, absolutely. Would you prefer 00:40:43.159 --> 00:40:45.639 something else? You got any Chumbawumba? Or, 00:40:45.719 --> 00:40:50.099 you know, Chumbawumba -adjacent music? I will 00:40:50.099 --> 00:40:52.860 quietly hunt for something Chumbawumba -adjacent. 00:40:52.860 --> 00:40:55.659 Am I saying that right, Chumbawumba? Linus, you 00:40:55.659 --> 00:40:57.420 might be able to help us. Do you have any good 00:40:57.420 --> 00:41:01.179 luck charms? To like ward off evil spirits or 00:41:01.179 --> 00:41:02.800 anything of that nature? I've got a full drawer 00:41:02.800 --> 00:41:07.219 full of rabbit's feet. And I think I've got some, 00:41:07.219 --> 00:41:11.039 let's see here, I've got some crystals. There 00:41:11.039 --> 00:41:13.639 we are. How many rabbit's feet would you like? 00:41:13.840 --> 00:41:17.059 Well, four of us, so four. Full rabbit. You're 00:41:17.059 --> 00:41:20.280 a funny man, stranger. I like to think so. It's 00:41:20.280 --> 00:41:23.519 happening. There we are. That will be... Actually, 00:41:23.539 --> 00:41:24.840 you know what? Make it two. Those two can get 00:41:24.840 --> 00:41:28.159 their own rabbit feet. Aww. My per diem. Now 00:41:28.159 --> 00:41:31.099 that Lynn has stepped outside for the more sensitive 00:41:31.099 --> 00:41:33.659 conversation, do you want to continue our conversation? 00:41:33.719 --> 00:41:36.739 Sorry, also one of the crystals. One of each. 00:41:37.380 --> 00:41:39.820 There you go. I've got my good luck charm, so 00:41:39.820 --> 00:41:44.019 I'm happy to head on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Linus, 00:41:44.019 --> 00:41:47.519 do you want to know why we're from head to toe 00:41:47.519 --> 00:41:51.380 white? No. Flying in the face of good taste, 00:41:51.480 --> 00:41:53.500 they decide to kill two birds with one stone 00:41:53.500 --> 00:41:55.559 and return to the pub for more Beef Wellington 00:41:55.559 --> 00:41:58.260 and to talk to Pranches. Yes, that's for us, 00:41:58.300 --> 00:42:01.400 thank you. Three Beef Wellingtons. Honestly, 00:42:01.480 --> 00:42:06.519 when you shimmy down me like a ladder, the smell, 00:42:06.739 --> 00:42:11.110 Jesus, ow, ow. My God, I think that's why I was 00:42:11.110 --> 00:42:13.230 so happy up there, because I was away from the 00:42:13.230 --> 00:42:15.650 smell. It's just, it was too much. It's too much. 00:42:15.949 --> 00:42:17.590 I thought we had, like, a moment of connection 00:42:17.590 --> 00:42:19.530 on the roof. Yeah, we did, but it doesn't stop 00:42:19.530 --> 00:42:22.730 the fact, you know, you can love someone even 00:42:22.730 --> 00:42:25.349 when they're stinky. You love me? Yeah, I love 00:42:25.349 --> 00:42:28.110 all of you. Wow! I love all of you. You love 00:42:28.110 --> 00:42:30.989 us? Yeah. Oh, well, we don't think that you're... 00:42:31.440 --> 00:42:34.059 weird but we don't I wouldn't say that I love 00:42:34.059 --> 00:42:36.840 you yeah I mean even me and Dolan despite the 00:42:36.840 --> 00:42:39.599 obvious sexual tension we're just we're colleagues 00:42:39.599 --> 00:42:42.460 hold on obvious sexual tension where did this 00:42:42.460 --> 00:42:45.000 come from I'm just jostling with you yeah that's 00:42:45.480 --> 00:42:48.739 Let's not. You're covered in dog hair and toffee 00:42:48.739 --> 00:42:52.760 and beans and dye and you sweat and the ghee 00:42:52.760 --> 00:42:55.159 was dirty even before you put it on. This is 00:42:55.159 --> 00:42:57.699 a situation of your own making. A lot of this 00:42:57.699 --> 00:43:00.039 is a situation of your own making. What on earth 00:43:00.039 --> 00:43:05.900 do you mean? I gesture at you up and down, covered 00:43:05.900 --> 00:43:08.079 in dye. Everything I've done is for this investigation. 00:43:08.400 --> 00:43:10.559 I declare Sylvester's name. Although the more 00:43:10.559 --> 00:43:12.519 time I spend with him, the more I think we need 00:43:12.519 --> 00:43:14.280 to take him to like a church or exercise him 00:43:14.280 --> 00:43:16.619 or something. Sylvester's fine. You leave Sylvester 00:43:16.619 --> 00:43:19.320 alone. They get their order in and they get a 00:43:19.320 --> 00:43:22.539 big old pint of gravy on the side. And they see 00:43:22.539 --> 00:43:24.559 Prontius working his way through his pints again. 00:43:24.860 --> 00:43:26.800 He doesn't seem to be as far deep in them as 00:43:26.800 --> 00:43:31.300 he was before. Prontius, how are you? Oh, hello, 00:43:31.420 --> 00:43:33.360 Sylvester. They're allowing you back in again, 00:43:33.400 --> 00:43:35.260 are they? Well, I've got my friends with me and 00:43:35.260 --> 00:43:39.630 they know karate. So, yes. What's this? Why are 00:43:39.630 --> 00:43:43.329 you dyed white? It's a long, long story. It's 00:43:43.329 --> 00:43:45.730 not that long. We fell in a tub of white dye. 00:43:46.030 --> 00:43:47.630 Yeah, it wasn't long at all, actually. It was 00:43:47.630 --> 00:43:49.730 quite short. Tell you what isn't short, though. 00:43:49.969 --> 00:43:51.789 The duration of time that this stuff will wear 00:43:51.789 --> 00:43:54.070 off. I've been scrubbing and scrubbing. I've 00:43:54.070 --> 00:43:56.469 been in the sink like a bird in a bath. Ah, sure, 00:43:56.489 --> 00:43:58.690 I see no problem with it. You both look gorgeous. 00:43:59.010 --> 00:44:01.550 Thanks, Pontius. Back in for another round of 00:44:01.550 --> 00:44:04.110 beef wellington, is it? And some pigeon pot, 00:44:04.349 --> 00:44:06.659 ideally. Oh, absolutely. I want to get those 00:44:06.659 --> 00:44:11.000 raps in. So, I have a faint memory of having 00:44:11.000 --> 00:44:14.900 seen some of you before here recently with Sylvester. 00:44:14.900 --> 00:44:17.179 It was yesterday, wasn't it? Yeah, it was. Yeah, 00:44:17.199 --> 00:44:20.800 yeah, yeah. Yes. Well, we've got a few more questions 00:44:20.800 --> 00:44:24.300 for you now because you know how everything's 00:44:24.300 --> 00:44:27.320 been going squiff teeth -wise. Oh, the teeth. 00:44:27.599 --> 00:44:31.699 And I know you know about teeth. I mean, yours 00:44:31.699 --> 00:44:34.150 are all gone. From Toblerone. Because of the 00:44:34.150 --> 00:44:38.650 Toblerones, yes. Which we talked about. But we 00:44:38.650 --> 00:44:41.889 were just... My new friends here, we do have 00:44:41.889 --> 00:44:44.590 some questions for you. Well, it's clear that 00:44:44.590 --> 00:44:47.190 this is more than a passing interest in our plight. 00:44:47.289 --> 00:44:50.250 So I'll be honest with you. This isn't the first 00:44:50.250 --> 00:44:52.929 time the village has been plagued by such a thing. 00:44:54.349 --> 00:44:57.230 What? Let me just lower the dimmer switch here. 00:44:57.329 --> 00:45:00.090 Why don't you just go on? People, and perhaps 00:45:00.090 --> 00:45:05.219 even I, tend to forget. Now, you can laugh if 00:45:05.219 --> 00:45:08.599 you like. Most would. But you hear stories all 00:45:08.599 --> 00:45:11.960 your life, see. Roads bent around empty fields 00:45:11.960 --> 00:45:15.079 for no sensible reason. Actions that ignorant 00:45:15.079 --> 00:45:17.679 folk would refer to as nothing but old superstitions. 00:45:17.679 --> 00:45:19.840 But I will tell you this much and I'll tell you 00:45:19.840 --> 00:45:22.719 no more. There were people here before us, no 00:45:22.719 --> 00:45:26.880 stupider than we are now. Maybe wiser. They knew 00:45:26.880 --> 00:45:29.579 that there were some places you do not meddle 00:45:29.579 --> 00:45:32.199 with. Because there are old things in this world. 00:45:32.650 --> 00:45:35.210 Things that don't think the way we do. Things 00:45:35.210 --> 00:45:41.449 that notice disrespect. There is a fort out beyond 00:45:41.449 --> 00:45:45.010 the village there. A raised mound of earth and 00:45:45.010 --> 00:45:49.190 porn. Not far from the hunting shack. I'll tell 00:45:49.190 --> 00:45:53.469 you. No man has ever cut into that land and prospered 00:45:53.469 --> 00:45:56.250 after. Now listen to me carefully. The village 00:45:56.250 --> 00:45:59.789 thinks Brosnan isn't right in the head. Strange 00:45:59.789 --> 00:46:03.199 habits, true. He nails Rowan above the door and 00:46:03.199 --> 00:46:05.940 walks the perimeter at night. Fools have laughed 00:46:05.940 --> 00:46:08.960 at him too. But it might be that there was method 00:46:08.960 --> 00:46:12.320 behind his madness, hmm? Things have stayed quiet 00:46:12.320 --> 00:46:16.360 all these years. No children taken, no beasts 00:46:16.360 --> 00:46:18.579 opened up in the fields, but now these teeth 00:46:18.579 --> 00:46:23.000 are going missing. Prontius, we think that Pierce 00:46:23.000 --> 00:46:27.739 Brosnan, we think he's gone. Oh, well I didn't 00:46:27.739 --> 00:46:30.179 want to believe it. For if Brosnan is missing, 00:46:30.280 --> 00:46:33.780 the village could be in trouble. Teeth are an 00:46:33.780 --> 00:46:37.039 old thing. Older than church bells and electric 00:46:37.039 --> 00:46:40.019 lights. And I'll tell you, there are things beneath 00:46:40.019 --> 00:46:43.539 the ground with older hungers than you or I can 00:46:43.539 --> 00:46:48.119 fathom. Things that take teeth. I'm looking for 00:46:48.119 --> 00:46:51.800 ownership. You go bothering that fort at night, 00:46:51.940 --> 00:46:55.079 and you had best mind yourselves. Don't whistle 00:46:55.079 --> 00:46:58.440 near it. Don't thank. Anything you meet there. 00:46:58.900 --> 00:47:02.420 And if you hear someone calling your name, don't 00:47:02.420 --> 00:47:06.880 you dare answer. What do we do? You must find 00:47:06.880 --> 00:47:11.219 Brosnan. Curse these old bones. If I were younger, 00:47:11.360 --> 00:47:15.119 I would go with you. Even if we saw him, we wouldn't 00:47:15.119 --> 00:47:17.840 recognise him. What age is the guy? I would put 00:47:17.840 --> 00:47:23.269 Brosnan at around 65. But a handsome 65. Truth 00:47:23.269 --> 00:47:25.510 be told, if you come across anyone out there, 00:47:25.610 --> 00:47:28.449 it's most likely to be him. Chances are he may 00:47:28.449 --> 00:47:31.449 have that lovely dog with him as well. The dog 00:47:31.449 --> 00:47:34.530 bed? At one point I thought, Pierce Brosnan was 00:47:34.530 --> 00:47:36.650 sleeping in that dog bed. But I've been humbled 00:47:36.650 --> 00:47:39.250 since. If you intend on going to that fort tonight, 00:47:39.429 --> 00:47:43.070 I urge you to prepare. At least take with you 00:47:43.070 --> 00:47:45.610 a cross of Rowan. I got this hydrochloric acid. 00:47:45.929 --> 00:47:48.949 With that, he jams his extensive tongue into 00:47:48.949 --> 00:47:50.849 the bottom of the glass to slurp up the last 00:47:50.849 --> 00:47:55.800 little bit of head. Next time on The Bad Articles, 00:47:55.900 --> 00:47:58.059 our knuckles head off in search of a fairy foot 00:47:58.059 --> 00:48:00.139 at the behest of an old man with the longest 00:48:00.139 --> 00:48:02.900 tongue I've ever seen in my life. The Bad Articles 00:48:02.900 --> 00:48:05.340 is created by J.R. McCormick and Aidan Kelly. 00:48:05.539 --> 00:48:08.179 It is produced at Felbryn Studios by the wonderful 00:48:08.179 --> 00:48:10.519 Clark Phillips, with additional sounds and voices 00:48:10.519 --> 00:48:14.039 from Conleth McVeigh. Starring Laura Conlon, 00:48:14.159 --> 00:48:18.239 Patrick Meier, Niall McKenna and Amelia Price.