WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:03.399 Last time on The Bad Articles, four new recruits 00:00:03.399 --> 00:00:06.099 were sworn into the Rathgool chapter of the OSNA 00:00:06.099 --> 00:00:08.779 and sent out to investigate their first case. 00:00:09.000 --> 00:00:12.439 Stick around to find out what happens next. Unless 00:00:12.439 --> 00:00:16.559 you're a coward, of course. Since the dawn of 00:00:16.559 --> 00:00:19.519 time, Ireland has played host to unimaginable 00:00:19.519 --> 00:00:22.519 horrors, ushered in through an ever -weakening 00:00:22.519 --> 00:00:25.739 veil between our world and the other side. They 00:00:25.739 --> 00:00:29.699 live among us. Shaping our mythology. Sowing 00:00:29.699 --> 00:00:34.439 chaos. Scaring the shit out of people. Not all 00:00:34.439 --> 00:00:38.240 hope is lost. Underfunded, undergunned and underappreciated. 00:00:38.299 --> 00:00:41.399 The OSNA stand proudly in the way of unchecked 00:00:41.399 --> 00:00:44.420 otherworldly chaos. This secret network of brave 00:00:44.420 --> 00:00:47.340 volunteers put their lives and their sanity on 00:00:47.340 --> 00:00:50.259 the line. All for a better tomorrow. Have you 00:00:50.259 --> 00:00:51.939 ever gotten a paper cut while reading a book 00:00:51.939 --> 00:00:53.560 and it was one of those stingy bastards that 00:00:53.560 --> 00:00:55.500 doesn't stop bleeding? And then you notice your 00:00:55.500 --> 00:00:57.320 husband's eyes light up like a Christmas tree 00:00:57.320 --> 00:00:59.159 and he started licking his lips and all, but 00:00:59.159 --> 00:01:01.500 not in like a sexy way, more like a dog looking 00:01:01.500 --> 00:01:03.659 at a roast chicken and it just gave you weird 00:01:03.659 --> 00:01:08.500 vibes? You better call the OSNA before you find 00:01:08.500 --> 00:01:14.040 yourself in the bad articles. So, we join our 00:01:14.040 --> 00:01:17.640 agents just pulled up outside Lenehan Farm. It's 00:01:17.640 --> 00:01:20.280 just outside the town of Spars Hollow. You're 00:01:20.280 --> 00:01:22.299 travelling down a country road flanked by rolling 00:01:22.299 --> 00:01:24.659 green fields with the smell of cow shit in the 00:01:24.659 --> 00:01:27.299 air. You arrive at a crossroads where two little 00:01:27.299 --> 00:01:30.000 dirt paths lead off from the main road. On the 00:01:30.000 --> 00:01:31.680 right side of the road you see a turnip -shaped 00:01:31.680 --> 00:01:34.019 sign saying Lennon on it, with an arrow pointing 00:01:34.019 --> 00:01:35.780 towards the house in the distance, set against 00:01:35.780 --> 00:01:38.750 an overcast sky. Up the little path, which you'll 00:01:38.750 --> 00:01:41.090 need to traverse on foot, you get a closer look 00:01:41.090 --> 00:01:43.510 at a whitewashed block of a building. It has 00:01:43.510 --> 00:01:45.769 a thatched roof and a set of green stable doors. 00:01:46.129 --> 00:01:48.090 To the left of the building, there's a large 00:01:48.090 --> 00:01:50.489 crop field, but a closer look will tell you that 00:01:50.489 --> 00:01:52.469 the crops in this field have been severely damaged. 00:01:52.849 --> 00:01:55.709 To the right of the house is a barn, with a small 00:01:55.709 --> 00:01:58.510 stable off to the side. As you get closer to 00:01:58.510 --> 00:02:00.530 the house, you see a crouched figure beneath 00:02:00.530 --> 00:02:03.150 the hawthorn tree. It's a woman. She's laying 00:02:03.150 --> 00:02:05.879 memorial flowers on the ground. From out of the 00:02:05.879 --> 00:02:08.819 barn emerges another figure, a man. A gruff, 00:02:08.840 --> 00:02:11.280 stubborn, grumpy looking man. But he's carrying 00:02:11.280 --> 00:02:13.240 a tray of drinks, brown lemonade, with a few 00:02:13.240 --> 00:02:15.639 ice cubes dancing around in the glasses. Both 00:02:15.639 --> 00:02:17.520 are wearing coveralls and move a little closer 00:02:17.520 --> 00:02:19.740 to each other upon noticing four strangers on 00:02:19.740 --> 00:02:22.400 their land. What are they going to do? What are 00:02:22.400 --> 00:02:27.219 our agents going to do? I think, just let me 00:02:27.219 --> 00:02:29.560 go up to them. Everybody trust the milkman. Let 00:02:29.560 --> 00:02:34.229 me schmooze them a little. Everybody trusts a 00:02:34.229 --> 00:02:36.289 milkman. Are you sure? Are we in agreement that 00:02:36.289 --> 00:02:39.629 of the four of us... Let me go up. No, but he 00:02:39.629 --> 00:02:41.689 has a point because he is a milkman. Look, everybody 00:02:41.689 --> 00:02:43.090 trusts a milkman. What I need you to do, Clarry, 00:02:43.150 --> 00:02:46.590 is bring some milk. You can't just walk up and... 00:02:46.590 --> 00:02:49.710 Yeah, no. I'm not going to... Don't tell me how 00:02:49.710 --> 00:02:51.569 to be a milkman. No, the way that you said it, 00:02:51.710 --> 00:02:54.050 you said you were just going to walk up and everyone 00:02:54.050 --> 00:02:55.669 trusts a milkman, therefore you're just going 00:02:55.669 --> 00:02:58.270 to go be your lovely, happy self. He's looking 00:02:58.270 --> 00:03:00.189 at us. He's looking at us. Everyone's smiling. 00:03:01.860 --> 00:03:05.599 Say that we're shadowing you. That's great. That's 00:03:05.599 --> 00:03:07.620 terrible. No, that's not what milkmen do. Milkmen 00:03:07.620 --> 00:03:09.939 don't shadow each other. Well, only if you ask. 00:03:09.960 --> 00:03:11.560 You live and learn on the job. You die on the 00:03:11.560 --> 00:03:13.539 job. They would know that right away. They're 00:03:13.539 --> 00:03:16.120 on a farm. Stop shouting at us. They can see 00:03:16.120 --> 00:03:18.479 you shouting at us. Get some milk, go up, and 00:03:18.479 --> 00:03:21.259 then we'll kind of hang out. And then if it's 00:03:21.259 --> 00:03:23.800 mentioned, just be like, oh, yeah, trainees. 00:03:24.879 --> 00:03:27.819 All right, fine. If they ask about you, that's 00:03:27.819 --> 00:03:31.500 what I'll say. We will ask because we heard most 00:03:31.500 --> 00:03:35.969 of that Aye Aye How are you? Clarry Postman. I'm 00:03:35.969 --> 00:03:39.150 a milkman. How are you? Are you satisfied with 00:03:39.150 --> 00:03:42.449 your dairy daily requirements? We do live on 00:03:42.449 --> 00:03:44.650 a farm, so we have, you know, we have a cow. 00:03:44.849 --> 00:03:46.469 I was under the impression this was a turnip 00:03:46.469 --> 00:03:47.990 farm. You're saying you have your own supply. 00:03:48.210 --> 00:03:50.629 We've got a cow. What are you talking here? We're 00:03:50.629 --> 00:03:53.469 not just growing turnips, like. So what are we 00:03:53.469 --> 00:03:55.789 talking here? You get a gallon from that cow, 00:03:55.870 --> 00:03:57.949 you get two gallons from it, unpasteurized, whole, 00:03:58.110 --> 00:04:00.129 what are we talking here? Have you ever known 00:04:00.129 --> 00:04:02.289 a cow to produce pasteurized milk? Well, I'm 00:04:02.289 --> 00:04:05.050 saying, yeah, so you don't have the economy of 00:04:05.050 --> 00:04:07.409 scale to get pasteurized milk. That's what I'm 00:04:07.409 --> 00:04:10.210 saying I can do for you. If you need more interest 00:04:10.210 --> 00:04:12.909 in milk, you need more varieties, you know. Personally, 00:04:13.110 --> 00:04:15.810 I would keep it safe. I would keep it whole milk, 00:04:15.909 --> 00:04:19.129 but, you know. It's the fact that he said it 00:04:19.129 --> 00:04:20.810 was going to be safe makes me feel like it's 00:04:20.810 --> 00:04:23.810 not. Aye. It seems a wee bit suspect. No, what 00:04:23.810 --> 00:04:25.829 I'm saying is, you know, these... No, I don't 00:04:25.829 --> 00:04:27.670 agree with, you know, the semi -skimmed, the 00:04:27.670 --> 00:04:29.910 fully skimmed. You know, they're the unsafe one. 00:04:29.990 --> 00:04:32.129 Now, people can get them, but I wouldn't use 00:04:32.129 --> 00:04:35.189 good, honest, hard -working folk. I would not 00:04:35.189 --> 00:04:38.389 put yous in any danger of having some, what I'm 00:04:38.389 --> 00:04:41.550 going to call, lesser milks. And the safety is 00:04:41.550 --> 00:04:45.310 just simply for you. Now, let's see if Clarry's 00:04:45.310 --> 00:04:51.060 social skills are up to much muscle. A little 00:04:51.060 --> 00:04:54.800 wry smile creeps across the face of this farmer. 00:04:56.740 --> 00:04:59.259 So, uh, what kind of, uh, what kind of prices 00:04:59.259 --> 00:05:01.720 are you talking here then? You know, this is, 00:05:01.720 --> 00:05:05.000 this is something that we can work on to your 00:05:05.000 --> 00:05:07.019 individual needs. How much milk you need, how 00:05:07.019 --> 00:05:10.939 much milk you want. Now, personally, the big 00:05:10.939 --> 00:05:13.600 companies, you know, these big companies, these 00:05:13.600 --> 00:05:16.019 cost cutters and stuff, they're going to price 00:05:16.019 --> 00:05:20.430 you out. But I can do you 49 cents. every two 00:05:20.430 --> 00:05:23.009 litres, that would be two bottles. And I could 00:05:23.009 --> 00:05:25.949 get that to you as many times a day as you want. 00:05:26.389 --> 00:05:30.009 That's hard to beat. I don't deal with the money, 00:05:30.050 --> 00:05:34.129 obviously, but, darling Francis, I don't really 00:05:34.129 --> 00:05:38.699 understand why this is happening. Well, this 00:05:38.699 --> 00:05:41.579 is clearly some entrepreneurial milkman who's 00:05:41.579 --> 00:05:43.639 just going door to door trying to drum up some 00:05:43.639 --> 00:05:45.860 business. Is that what this is? Look, I'm sorry. 00:05:45.860 --> 00:05:48.540 We've had a bit of a stressful day here. That's 00:05:48.540 --> 00:05:49.879 what I was thinking, you know, because I was 00:05:49.879 --> 00:05:52.079 coming down here, as I say, just of my own volition. 00:05:52.079 --> 00:05:54.759 I've got three trainees behind me. Hello. Very 00:05:54.759 --> 00:05:57.339 nice to meet you. We were just, we were commenting 00:05:57.339 --> 00:05:59.800 on the lovely farm and the lovely pictures of 00:05:59.800 --> 00:06:02.579 turnips. And then I just noticed that the turnips. 00:06:04.399 --> 00:06:06.180 I'm not saying it's your fault, but they look 00:06:06.180 --> 00:06:08.060 like someone's had some sort of nefarious... 00:06:08.060 --> 00:06:13.459 No, not someone. Francis. No. Look. It's that 00:06:13.459 --> 00:06:15.839 fella over there. It's Decky. It's not Decky. 00:06:15.839 --> 00:06:19.439 It's always Decky. It can't be Decky. It can't 00:06:19.439 --> 00:06:22.620 always be Decky, Francis. It's always been Decky 00:06:22.620 --> 00:06:25.500 as long as I can remember. Look. The turnips? 00:06:25.800 --> 00:06:28.699 Aye. That wee fella across the road. I don't 00:06:28.699 --> 00:06:30.879 know how he did it. But he got in here somehow 00:06:30.879 --> 00:06:33.839 and he managed to tell my whole field. Right? 00:06:34.019 --> 00:06:37.839 Not a single turnip remained. Why would he do 00:06:37.839 --> 00:06:40.819 that? Because he's got it out for me. He's got 00:06:40.819 --> 00:06:43.220 it out for me. The fair's tomorrow. I don't have 00:06:43.220 --> 00:06:45.660 a single turnip to show at it. He knew that. 00:06:45.720 --> 00:06:47.920 He wanted to humiliate me. That's unfair. If 00:06:47.920 --> 00:06:49.699 I was going to the milk fair and I didn't have 00:06:49.699 --> 00:06:51.379 a milk, you know, I'd be heartbroken. Is there 00:06:51.379 --> 00:06:53.459 a milk fair? There is a milk fair. Once every 00:06:53.459 --> 00:06:56.879 four years in Limerick. Like the World Cup? Like 00:06:56.879 --> 00:06:59.649 the World Cup. This is more important. It's once 00:06:59.649 --> 00:07:02.149 every four years in Limerick. No, it changes 00:07:02.149 --> 00:07:05.750 town every day, every year in Limerick. It changes 00:07:05.750 --> 00:07:11.149 town every day, every year in Limerick. Yeah, 00:07:11.410 --> 00:07:13.730 what was hard to follow? It's there every four 00:07:13.730 --> 00:07:16.069 years and it's on for four days and it changes 00:07:16.069 --> 00:07:18.790 town every single day that it's on in that year 00:07:18.790 --> 00:07:20.829 in Limerick. But it's always in Limerick. It's 00:07:20.829 --> 00:07:22.290 always in Limerick. Town's in Limerick, right. 00:07:22.569 --> 00:07:25.110 Well, Bernadette, I'm following it. I know exactly 00:07:25.110 --> 00:07:26.170 what this man's talking about. Does anyone know 00:07:26.170 --> 00:07:28.160 a brown lemonade? I'd love a brown lamb head. 00:07:28.420 --> 00:07:32.740 That would be so nice. You're one across the 00:07:32.740 --> 00:07:36.639 way. I also assume that he is competing in turnips 00:07:36.639 --> 00:07:38.740 tomorrow. Is he showing turnips? You bet he is. 00:07:38.819 --> 00:07:41.800 Yes, of course he is. That's sly dog. That is 00:07:41.800 --> 00:07:44.439 sly. Now, listen to me. Don't be fuel on this. 00:07:44.540 --> 00:07:46.740 You've only walked up this field. I understand 00:07:46.740 --> 00:07:48.519 that you're new in town. This is a very heated 00:07:48.519 --> 00:07:51.240 situation. But the feud between these families 00:07:51.240 --> 00:07:55.279 goes back. Now, I married into the Lenehan family, 00:07:55.379 --> 00:07:57.040 and Francis, I love you, but this is absolutely 00:07:57.040 --> 00:07:59.939 outrageous. You cannot blame the McAnallys on 00:07:59.939 --> 00:08:03.019 everything that goes wrong here. Sometimes an 00:08:03.019 --> 00:08:04.480 act of God is just an act of God. Yes, I can. 00:08:04.480 --> 00:08:08.180 That was in my vows. Yes, it was in your vows, 00:08:08.220 --> 00:08:10.899 but I didn't know that it was going to impact 00:08:10.899 --> 00:08:14.680 me this much. Day -to -day life, Francis. I just 00:08:14.680 --> 00:08:17.300 want to live. I want to go to karate with my 00:08:17.300 --> 00:08:20.379 friends. I want to go to the coffee shop. I want 00:08:20.379 --> 00:08:22.750 to have a life. You know what I'm saying? You've 00:08:22.750 --> 00:08:25.129 got a wonderful life here on this farm as long 00:08:25.129 --> 00:08:26.790 as you don't cross the road and talk to them. 00:08:26.810 --> 00:08:30.569 Jesus sake. You know fine well that me and Saoirse 00:08:30.569 --> 00:08:33.169 are good, fast friends. And I'm not happy about 00:08:33.169 --> 00:08:35.970 it. Sorry, Saoirse's your man's wife. She's all 00:08:35.970 --> 00:08:37.769 right, but obviously there's something wrong 00:08:37.769 --> 00:08:41.789 with her if she's willing to be with him. Look, 00:08:42.210 --> 00:08:43.730 wait till I show you what they did to the field. 00:08:43.769 --> 00:08:46.230 Come on. Oh, yeah, that's perfect, yeah. Thank 00:08:46.230 --> 00:08:48.889 you very much. This is useless, Francis. What 00:08:48.889 --> 00:08:51.750 are these four milk salesmen going to glean? 00:08:52.159 --> 00:08:53.820 from looking at the field. Well, there are no 00:08:53.820 --> 00:08:55.659 cows. Empathy, sympathy. So there's no grass 00:08:55.659 --> 00:08:58.480 and mud. You're always telling us that the keys 00:08:58.480 --> 00:09:00.740 to being a great milk salesperson is empathy 00:09:00.740 --> 00:09:03.019 and sympathy. Yeah, understanding the ways of 00:09:03.019 --> 00:09:05.179 life of the people that need your milk. It's 00:09:05.179 --> 00:09:06.919 a very holistic approach to milk sales. It is 00:09:06.919 --> 00:09:08.960 quite holistic, yeah. Well, they had to change 00:09:08.960 --> 00:09:12.580 some things. Why? We haven't got to that bit 00:09:12.580 --> 00:09:15.879 of the trading yet. But I'm looking forward to 00:09:15.879 --> 00:09:17.399 learning and I'll let you know when I find out. 00:09:17.539 --> 00:09:20.159 Look, the dark days of milk, milk salesmen, you 00:09:20.159 --> 00:09:22.700 know, we can turn... Just like a normal man. 00:09:22.860 --> 00:09:25.019 You know, the psyche of a milkman's no better 00:09:25.019 --> 00:09:27.639 than the psyche of a normal man. One person just 00:09:27.639 --> 00:09:33.259 took life too far. The fields, the fields. Ah, 00:09:33.379 --> 00:09:35.500 yes, let me show you. Sorry, these trainees aren't 00:09:35.500 --> 00:09:37.899 ready for that yet. No, I know, I know. I'm certainly 00:09:37.899 --> 00:09:41.080 not ready for that. Anyway, look at the state 00:09:41.080 --> 00:09:43.460 of this thing. The whole thing's churned up like 00:09:43.460 --> 00:09:48.519 nobody's business. Now, in the brains. of our 00:09:48.519 --> 00:09:51.899 agents. Some of them might have some gears turning. 00:09:52.559 --> 00:09:55.399 Wonder if anyone might have the awareness or 00:09:55.399 --> 00:09:58.539 the forensic knowledge or knowledge of certain 00:09:58.539 --> 00:10:02.919 sciences. Maybe even social interactions. Or 00:10:02.919 --> 00:10:05.379 did something supernatural happen here? Let's 00:10:05.379 --> 00:10:07.899 see if any of them would be willing to see if 00:10:07.899 --> 00:10:09.500 they know anything about what could have happened 00:10:09.500 --> 00:10:11.700 here. I've got pretty good awareness. I can give 00:10:11.700 --> 00:10:15.009 it a go. Could I use the science of dirt? You 00:10:15.009 --> 00:10:16.570 can make an argument for the science of dirt. 00:10:16.610 --> 00:10:19.190 That's no problem with me. I want to look at 00:10:19.190 --> 00:10:21.009 the forensics of, like, if there's hooves or 00:10:21.009 --> 00:10:25.909 footsteps and stuff. Ah. 36 under 60, so yes. 00:10:26.149 --> 00:10:28.909 That's a good roll. I'm going to say it's the 00:10:28.909 --> 00:10:36.330 craft of months. 48 under 80. Well, if there 00:10:36.330 --> 00:10:38.250 was craft involved, then yeah. The craft of fields. 00:10:38.970 --> 00:10:42.830 Yeah. Maddie, a strange thought runs through Maddie's 00:10:42.830 --> 00:10:47.919 head. They want to know, when someone made this 00:10:47.919 --> 00:10:50.980 field, did they make it in such a way that it 00:10:50.980 --> 00:10:56.460 was unchurnable? But, strangely enough, all four 00:10:56.460 --> 00:10:59.700 of them seem to notice the same thing. This field 00:10:59.700 --> 00:11:04.740 was not churned by hand. From above, it seemed 00:11:04.740 --> 00:11:08.000 that something underneath the earth has disturbed 00:11:08.000 --> 00:11:10.899 it. I just rolled a 49 in supernatural, which 00:11:10.899 --> 00:11:14.509 is below as well, if that helps. You might think, 00:11:14.570 --> 00:11:17.129 that seems pretty weird and maybe a bit supernatural. 00:11:18.190 --> 00:11:21.269 I do. I do think that's a bit weird and supernatural. 00:11:21.470 --> 00:11:23.649 But these thoughts all run through your heads 00:11:23.649 --> 00:11:26.549 internally. And none of yous know that each other 00:11:26.549 --> 00:11:32.809 knows this yet. That's weird. So, Clarry... What's 00:11:32.809 --> 00:11:38.409 weird? Hmm? What's weird? What's weird? You know, 00:11:38.490 --> 00:11:41.669 I've just been looking here and I don't think 00:11:41.669 --> 00:11:49.549 this was... Not weird. So, sorry, this is weird. 00:11:49.929 --> 00:11:52.690 And you think that it's weird that it's not weird. 00:11:52.909 --> 00:11:54.490 Yeah, I think you might be onto something, you 00:11:54.490 --> 00:11:56.289 know. I don't think this was done. Do not feed 00:11:56.289 --> 00:11:59.549 this man any further on his notions about Decky 00:11:59.549 --> 00:12:03.149 McAnally, please. Look, if I may interject here. 00:12:03.529 --> 00:12:06.169 By all means. Look, from everything you told 00:12:06.169 --> 00:12:08.809 me, Decky sounds like a real bastard, all right? 00:12:09.690 --> 00:12:13.990 I like you. Thank you. I like you too. Give me 00:12:13.990 --> 00:12:15.350 that Brian Lemonade back. Give me a handshake 00:12:15.350 --> 00:12:18.250 here. Yeah, yeah. Good handshake. That's a good 00:12:18.250 --> 00:12:21.190 handshake. But you know what? And what I'm about 00:12:21.190 --> 00:12:23.210 to say doesn't make Decky any less of a bastard, 00:12:23.350 --> 00:12:26.629 but this looks like perhaps rodents, something 00:12:26.629 --> 00:12:28.909 from below might have interfered with your turnips. 00:12:29.570 --> 00:12:31.809 Ah, but you know you can train rodents, so who's 00:12:31.809 --> 00:12:35.190 to say he didn't do that? Jesus. He didn't crawl 00:12:35.190 --> 00:12:37.289 under the dirt himself, Francis, and do this. 00:12:37.409 --> 00:12:41.039 Can I ask, if you've had this feud for... Years 00:12:41.039 --> 00:12:43.259 and years. Generations. Generations. What do 00:12:43.259 --> 00:12:46.620 you think, if not Deccy, who did this? What did 00:12:46.620 --> 00:12:50.360 this? Act of God. Or maybe it was the fairies. 00:12:50.360 --> 00:12:53.919 Don't you say that. You know, my mum, she would 00:12:53.919 --> 00:12:56.379 not like you accusing the fairies or something. 00:12:56.440 --> 00:12:57.799 So that's how you get them on to you in the first 00:12:57.799 --> 00:12:59.759 place. Saying that the fairies are up to no good. 00:12:59.799 --> 00:13:01.779 I've been leaving memorial flowers under the 00:13:01.779 --> 00:13:03.700 hawthorn tree like I'm supposed to on our way 00:13:03.700 --> 00:13:06.679 to sound. Right? If she's watching down on us 00:13:06.679 --> 00:13:08.259 now, maybe she knows something. Maybe we can 00:13:08.259 --> 00:13:11.570 ask her. Maybe. An act of God or an act of something 00:13:11.570 --> 00:13:15.850 much closer to this earth. I'm sorry, who was... 00:13:15.850 --> 00:13:18.990 What was her name again, sir? Margaret. Margaret. 00:13:19.029 --> 00:13:21.769 I'm very sorry for your loss there. Thank you. 00:13:21.789 --> 00:13:23.570 It was Frances's mother. She was into all of 00:13:23.570 --> 00:13:25.690 this. I'm sorry about that. No, no, I know. I 00:13:25.690 --> 00:13:27.789 appreciate that. Look, we've got a wee memorial 00:13:27.789 --> 00:13:30.190 over there for her. It's very lovely. I'm sure 00:13:30.190 --> 00:13:31.370 she would have loved it. My wife always leaves 00:13:31.370 --> 00:13:33.990 wee flowers this time of year. You never leave 00:13:33.990 --> 00:13:38.549 your mother flowers yourself. Oh, no, I'm colourblind. 00:13:39.129 --> 00:13:42.269 I respect that, yeah. Yeah, and I just don't 00:13:42.269 --> 00:13:44.350 have an eye for the arranging. I get that, yeah. 00:13:44.710 --> 00:13:47.750 You know, I stick to one... Why get fancy with 00:13:47.750 --> 00:13:49.389 your colours when you can stick to one clean 00:13:49.389 --> 00:13:52.690 colour? You are just full of good ideas, Clarry. 00:13:52.809 --> 00:13:55.169 Good liquid white, that's what I say. Back to 00:13:55.169 --> 00:13:57.279 the milk. That's what I say, yeah. And you know 00:13:57.279 --> 00:13:59.259 what? Because yous have done such a hard turn, 00:13:59.440 --> 00:14:01.799 I'm willing to drop it down from 42 for those 00:14:01.799 --> 00:14:04.340 two litres to 32. All right, it's 49 before. 00:14:04.480 --> 00:14:06.139 Are you sure you want to do this? It doesn't 00:14:06.139 --> 00:14:07.159 sound like you're making any money. Don't buy 00:14:07.159 --> 00:14:09.279 chat! Don't buy chat! I heard it, I heard it. 00:14:09.279 --> 00:14:11.600 We are butt trainees. Yes, of course, master. 00:14:12.100 --> 00:14:16.120 Don't buy chat. Master. Is he like a milk master? 00:14:16.360 --> 00:14:19.139 Is that your title? No, again. It's like a postmaster, 00:14:19.340 --> 00:14:22.490 is it? No, no, there was one man who tried to 00:14:22.490 --> 00:14:24.690 go for milk master, but again, his psyche broke. 00:14:24.970 --> 00:14:26.970 And he did horrible, horrible things. And the 00:14:26.970 --> 00:14:29.289 milk master we don't talk about. You're not ready 00:14:29.289 --> 00:14:33.690 yet. We're not ready. So do a lot of milk men's 00:14:33.690 --> 00:14:37.129 psyche break? Is that a common, is that a risk 00:14:37.129 --> 00:14:40.230 of the profession? A milk man is no greater than 00:14:40.230 --> 00:14:42.450 a normal person. And anyone's psyche can break. 00:14:42.529 --> 00:14:44.169 And this just happened that, yes, one milk man's 00:14:44.169 --> 00:14:46.149 psyche did break. He became the milk master. 00:14:46.250 --> 00:14:48.940 But you're not ready for it. Does this man pay 00:14:48.940 --> 00:14:52.440 you to follow him around? No, it's just a traineeship 00:14:52.440 --> 00:14:55.039 at the moment. It's a probation period. I might 00:14:55.039 --> 00:14:57.220 not stick with it. My perfect alibi has fallen 00:14:57.220 --> 00:14:59.639 apart because obviously we should be paying you. 00:14:59.779 --> 00:15:02.960 They're going to get suspicious now. Sorry, what? 00:15:03.700 --> 00:15:07.379 Where does this deckie live? He lives up the 00:15:07.379 --> 00:15:09.460 other dirt path at the bottom of the face. You 00:15:09.460 --> 00:15:12.759 can see it from here. Stop pointing at him so 00:15:12.759 --> 00:15:15.620 maniacally. Look, I like when he knows that I'm 00:15:15.620 --> 00:15:17.620 pointing at him. He's not looking at you all 00:15:17.620 --> 00:15:20.600 the time. He has his own stuff to do. Does he 00:15:20.600 --> 00:15:24.820 also do turnips? Yes. And how are they? I haven't 00:15:24.820 --> 00:15:26.919 been allowed to try one yet. And you never will. 00:15:27.679 --> 00:15:29.559 They're disgusting. Dude, I'm sorry. Were you? 00:15:30.179 --> 00:15:33.139 Oh, no. I was just going to say, look, we're 00:15:33.139 --> 00:15:34.159 going to have to do our job. We're going to have 00:15:34.159 --> 00:15:35.679 to go over there if you see us over there. But 00:15:35.679 --> 00:15:37.940 I just want you to know. Our job of milk? Our 00:15:37.940 --> 00:15:40.440 job of milk? Yep. We just want you to. Be very 00:15:40.440 --> 00:15:42.039 sure we're going to give him a worse deal than 00:15:42.039 --> 00:15:45.480 you. You shake on it? I'll shake on it right 00:15:45.480 --> 00:15:49.179 now. You remember that 49 to 32? Well, let me 00:15:49.179 --> 00:15:50.740 say, that offer's going to go in the other direction. 00:15:51.200 --> 00:15:53.320 Yes, make him pay the difference that you're 00:15:53.320 --> 00:15:56.080 giving us. All right. Yes, all right. That'll 00:15:56.080 --> 00:16:02.620 keep you happy, will it? For now. Before our 00:16:02.620 --> 00:16:06.720 agents leave this farm, Clarry gets a wee notion 00:16:06.720 --> 00:16:09.379 in his head, and he just... cocks it over and 00:16:09.379 --> 00:16:12.440 takes a wee dander over to that there tree. I 00:16:12.440 --> 00:16:14.940 wonder if anything supernatural might have happened 00:16:14.940 --> 00:16:17.799 around here. Maybe, maybe he knows something. 00:16:17.940 --> 00:16:20.240 The woman at this farm, she did mention about 00:16:20.240 --> 00:16:24.320 the veil thinning around the time of sound. So, 00:16:24.360 --> 00:16:26.580 you know, fairies and stuff can come through, 00:16:26.639 --> 00:16:28.419 all sorts of stuff. So, you know, there might 00:16:28.419 --> 00:16:31.080 be something to it. Who knows? I'm going to leave 00:16:31.080 --> 00:16:35.840 one of my bottles of milk. Oh, God. Plastic off. 00:16:36.360 --> 00:16:39.769 It's just open to the world. Clarry leaves an 00:16:39.769 --> 00:16:42.570 open bottle of milk on this mother's memorial. 00:16:42.669 --> 00:16:45.950 And I say, Margaret Lennon, that's for you. Enjoy 00:16:45.950 --> 00:16:49.330 it. That's free now. Your son paid 32 for this. 00:16:51.429 --> 00:16:58.129 How do we feel about this? Should we tell them 00:16:58.129 --> 00:16:59.450 there's a bottle of milk? It's going to attract 00:16:59.450 --> 00:17:02.830 animals. It's going to attract something. I mean, 00:17:02.850 --> 00:17:05.789 hopefully, you know, we'll be out of here and... 00:17:05.789 --> 00:17:09.369 I just don't want... While the animals are on 00:17:09.369 --> 00:17:12.369 the memorial, it seems disrespectful. So we have 00:17:12.369 --> 00:17:13.849 to come back here when... I think milk is disrespectful. 00:17:14.329 --> 00:17:18.049 Yeah, I think so too. Okay, well... I think, 00:17:18.150 --> 00:17:20.869 you know what? When we're done with this, I might 00:17:20.869 --> 00:17:22.549 just pop by and grab the bottle of milk on the 00:17:22.549 --> 00:17:24.809 way out. I think that's for the best. Maybe we 00:17:24.809 --> 00:17:26.670 can convince him to pour one out for the homies 00:17:26.670 --> 00:17:28.490 and that way it's just... No. Well, that makes 00:17:28.490 --> 00:17:31.170 it worse. That's much worse. That's so much worse. 00:17:31.190 --> 00:17:33.849 I was relieved that he didn't pour it out on 00:17:33.849 --> 00:17:36.269 the current memorial. That would have been terrible. 00:17:37.110 --> 00:17:40.069 At this moment, Clarry returns to the three other 00:17:40.069 --> 00:17:42.309 agents with a self -assured smile on his face, 00:17:42.369 --> 00:17:44.349 knowing that he'd done something that he thinks 00:17:44.349 --> 00:17:46.670 is respectful. Can I ask that you leave the cap 00:17:46.670 --> 00:17:49.529 on? What do you mean? And the milk. Oh, well, 00:17:49.589 --> 00:17:52.710 how would they get at it? You know, how could 00:17:52.710 --> 00:17:55.369 Margaret? We don't know what she is. Silly question. 00:17:55.450 --> 00:17:57.990 Ignore it. No, it's not a silly question. We're 00:17:57.990 --> 00:18:01.069 here to learn. That was a lie. We're not here 00:18:01.069 --> 00:18:02.230 to learn about it. We're here to learn about 00:18:02.230 --> 00:18:04.450 everything. We're here to investigate the paranormal. 00:18:04.829 --> 00:18:07.799 Exactly. We're here to learn. We're all in agreement. 00:18:07.920 --> 00:18:09.980 Why are we arguing? You know we're not actual 00:18:09.980 --> 00:18:12.839 milk trainees. I know that. None of you would 00:18:12.839 --> 00:18:16.119 ever qualify. Okay, well, that's rude. All right, 00:18:16.160 --> 00:18:18.420 I'm going to get in the car here. Why are you 00:18:18.420 --> 00:18:20.119 getting in the car? We can just walk to the farm. 00:18:20.180 --> 00:18:23.059 I'm getting in the car with Doolin. I want to 00:18:23.059 --> 00:18:25.359 ask him about building surveillance. Yeah, and 00:18:25.359 --> 00:18:27.440 I've got, like, tools in the back. I'm not slapping 00:18:27.440 --> 00:18:31.460 him all over. You've got tools? Oh, yeah. What 00:18:31.460 --> 00:18:34.200 kind of tools? I'll tell you in the car. All 00:18:34.200 --> 00:18:40.519 right. So, Clarry... I appreciate you taking a 00:18:40.519 --> 00:18:43.619 walk when we stroll. Yeah, I just wanted to check 00:18:43.619 --> 00:18:46.920 in to see your thoughts on the... That's nice. 00:18:46.960 --> 00:18:48.700 It's nice to have someone to check in. The robot 00:18:48.700 --> 00:18:52.539 turnips? Hmm? The robot turnip theory? The robot 00:18:52.539 --> 00:18:54.440 turnip theory. How are we feeling about that? 00:18:54.519 --> 00:18:56.400 Because it did look... There were no turnips 00:18:56.400 --> 00:18:59.099 there. So, I don't want to say they're not robot 00:18:59.099 --> 00:19:01.660 turnips because, simply, we can't falsify that 00:19:01.660 --> 00:19:05.200 information. So, right now, I'm not saying that 00:19:05.200 --> 00:19:07.680 it's... Not robot turnips, but I don't think 00:19:07.680 --> 00:19:10.119 so. Okay. But I don't want to, you know, leave 00:19:10.119 --> 00:19:13.680 that option off the table. No, that's good. No, 00:19:13.740 --> 00:19:16.180 I think that should still be considered for the 00:19:16.180 --> 00:19:18.200 meantime. I just wanted to check in what your 00:19:18.200 --> 00:19:20.440 thoughts were because, you know, that was what 00:19:20.440 --> 00:19:22.220 your gut said and I was kind of rooting for you 00:19:22.220 --> 00:19:25.440 to be right. It was just a flippant comment I 00:19:25.440 --> 00:19:27.059 made. Again, it wasn't... No, totally, but it 00:19:27.059 --> 00:19:28.680 would have been amazing if it was correct. We 00:19:28.680 --> 00:19:31.099 still don't know, but it's nice that you're still 00:19:31.099 --> 00:19:32.579 considering it. I'm glad you haven't, like... 00:19:32.730 --> 00:19:34.089 Put yourself down and out. There's been nothing 00:19:34.089 --> 00:19:35.950 to say that it wasn't robots. And now again, 00:19:36.069 --> 00:19:37.970 I don't believe that it was robots, but there's 00:19:37.970 --> 00:19:39.589 been nothing against robots, so I'm not rolling 00:19:39.589 --> 00:19:41.410 it out. Well, don't disregard the robots either. 00:19:41.509 --> 00:19:42.829 That's what I'm saying. We're in agreement again. 00:19:43.029 --> 00:19:44.809 Why is everyone fighting my agreements? I'm not 00:19:44.809 --> 00:19:46.250 fighting with you. I'm trying to get you to back 00:19:46.250 --> 00:19:49.930 yourself more, man. I... Okay. On their way up 00:19:49.930 --> 00:19:52.009 the path across the road from the first farm, 00:19:52.150 --> 00:19:54.849 they notice that this land is almost an identical 00:19:54.849 --> 00:19:57.789 mirror image to the Lenehan farm. As they reach 00:19:57.789 --> 00:19:59.369 the top, they see that the only real notable 00:19:59.369 --> 00:20:01.170 difference is the shade of green on the stable 00:20:01.170 --> 00:20:03.420 door. Right then, the bottom part of the door 00:20:03.420 --> 00:20:06.359 opens and you hear a man cursing behind the top 00:20:06.359 --> 00:20:09.779 bit that's still closed. He can't quite manage 00:20:09.779 --> 00:20:11.900 to get it sorted so instead he just ducks and 00:20:11.900 --> 00:20:14.900 crawls under it. Marching towards them is a man 00:20:14.900 --> 00:20:17.380 with a striking resemblance to Francis Lennon 00:20:17.380 --> 00:20:20.279 and he's been tailed closely by a woman and she 00:20:20.279 --> 00:20:22.579 is being sheepishly followed by a teenage boy 00:20:22.579 --> 00:20:24.779 wearing a Soundgarden t -shirt because this is 00:20:24.779 --> 00:20:29.609 1993. Hello, hello. Welcome to McAnally Farm. 00:20:29.710 --> 00:20:32.089 Now listen, not sure what yous are here for. 00:20:32.170 --> 00:20:36.670 The town fair's tomorrow. And I can't wait. Yes, 00:20:36.849 --> 00:20:40.109 love, I know. We're going to smash it. We're 00:20:40.109 --> 00:20:44.009 going to smash it. We're here for milk. For you 00:20:44.009 --> 00:20:48.470 to have milk. We're apprentices in milk. We're 00:20:48.470 --> 00:20:51.089 not apprentices. We're apprentices in milk. But 00:20:51.089 --> 00:20:53.910 he's the milk master. So we're here to offer 00:20:53.910 --> 00:20:58.429 milk. Oh my God, an actual milk master? Well... 00:20:58.429 --> 00:21:01.029 Actually, that term is quite outdated right now 00:21:01.029 --> 00:21:02.950 because I don't know if you know the lore of 00:21:02.950 --> 00:21:05.470 milk, but a milk master is actually a dangerous 00:21:05.470 --> 00:21:08.490 being because he's a man whose psyche has broken 00:21:08.490 --> 00:21:11.529 because of the liquid gold that he's consumed 00:21:11.529 --> 00:21:14.650 all of his life, you know? Like just coursing 00:21:14.650 --> 00:21:16.710 through his veins, it's like liquid gold? Yeah, 00:21:16.869 --> 00:21:19.789 it's a terrifying prospect. You do not want to 00:21:19.789 --> 00:21:22.009 be excited to meet a milk master, let me tell 00:21:22.009 --> 00:21:25.490 you, and I am not one. Well, that's marvellous 00:21:25.490 --> 00:21:30.890 news. That you're not. Aye. Now, we're all lactose 00:21:30.890 --> 00:21:34.750 intolerant in this family, so we don't partake 00:21:34.750 --> 00:21:39.109 in the liquid gold, did you call it? Aye, liquid 00:21:39.109 --> 00:21:42.190 gold. Liquid white, if you prefer. But... Is 00:21:42.190 --> 00:21:45.730 liquid white not what they call TPEX? I don't 00:21:45.730 --> 00:21:49.670 know. It might be. It might be. There's many 00:21:49.670 --> 00:21:51.680 things that's white and liquid. I wouldn't rule 00:21:51.680 --> 00:21:53.720 it out. How rude of me. Anyway, my name's Saoirse. 00:21:54.160 --> 00:21:57.599 Saoirse, nice to meet you. Yes, Deccy. Deccy 00:21:57.599 --> 00:22:00.759 McAnally. Did I hear mention of a fair tomorrow? 00:22:01.140 --> 00:22:04.019 Yes, town fair. Oh, excellent. The Diamond at 00:22:04.019 --> 00:22:07.400 Sparrows Hollow will be doing a show for the 00:22:07.400 --> 00:22:10.579 turnips. I do turnips every year. I do them all 00:22:10.579 --> 00:22:13.240 year, really. But it's the one time a year I 00:22:13.240 --> 00:22:17.170 get to show them. It's a marvellous day, a truly 00:22:17.170 --> 00:22:19.750 marvellous day. There'll be games and all sorts. 00:22:19.910 --> 00:22:21.470 Is it like you're showing them in competition 00:22:21.470 --> 00:22:23.890 or just showing them off? Oh, there's a competition, 00:22:24.029 --> 00:22:26.289 all right. Oh, lovely. You get the big ribbon. 00:22:26.390 --> 00:22:28.569 Like agility and stuff. Yeah, like you lead them. 00:22:28.569 --> 00:22:30.569 Like a dog fair. Yeah, with the little ramps. 00:22:30.609 --> 00:22:32.950 Sorry, it was a joke. It was a, it was, it was, 00:22:32.950 --> 00:22:36.829 it's fine. Don't worry, I got it. She's a, she's 00:22:36.829 --> 00:22:39.349 a right, right comedian there. She's just who 00:22:39.349 --> 00:22:42.230 she is. Dac, you seem tense. No, not at all. 00:22:43.410 --> 00:22:46.029 Never been looser. I did my yoga this morning 00:22:46.029 --> 00:22:50.269 and I've had four coffees, so I'm firing on all 00:22:50.269 --> 00:22:55.029 cylinders. Well, I'm glad to hear that. Now, 00:22:55.049 --> 00:22:57.390 can I ask what... I told you to stop after two. 00:22:57.529 --> 00:23:00.690 You're never going to sleep? One day, love. One 00:23:00.690 --> 00:23:04.759 day. Now... What are you people doing in my land? 00:23:05.180 --> 00:23:08.000 Well, although you're lactose intolerant, we 00:23:08.000 --> 00:23:10.299 were over with what I believe is your fierce 00:23:10.299 --> 00:23:13.559 rivals over there, selling them milk. No, they're 00:23:13.559 --> 00:23:16.420 not our rivals. He's a fucking maniac, that man. 00:23:16.480 --> 00:23:19.039 Come on! But he told me that you wouldn't want 00:23:19.039 --> 00:23:20.980 any milk, so I thought I would come over and 00:23:20.980 --> 00:23:24.140 make sure that you got this offer yourself. Well, 00:23:24.180 --> 00:23:27.119 it pains me to say that this is perhaps one time 00:23:27.119 --> 00:23:30.609 that Francis Lennon was correct. Apologies if 00:23:30.609 --> 00:23:33.710 I may have retched while saying that. I understand. 00:23:34.069 --> 00:23:37.970 He's a horrible man, and he puts the blame on 00:23:37.970 --> 00:23:40.289 this house for everything. If the sky turns grey, 00:23:40.470 --> 00:23:43.089 it's my fault. I can understand what it must 00:23:43.089 --> 00:23:45.529 be like to live without the ambrosia of the fields. 00:23:46.009 --> 00:23:49.190 Can you? I don't want to think about it, but 00:23:49.190 --> 00:23:51.910 here as milkmen, we teach empathy and sympathy, 00:23:52.130 --> 00:23:54.809 so I understand how hard it must be in your line 00:23:54.809 --> 00:23:57.430 of work to not be able to enjoy the sweet nectar 00:23:57.430 --> 00:24:02.809 of the udder. Also, equally to that, I understand 00:24:02.809 --> 00:24:07.450 that you might not partake in milk in the traditional 00:24:07.450 --> 00:24:10.390 sense, but we find that with some of our customers, 00:24:10.529 --> 00:24:13.710 there's been a real uptick in a trend of purchasing 00:24:13.710 --> 00:24:17.430 spiked milk. Spiked milk? Yeah, the offer was 00:24:17.430 --> 00:24:19.890 so good that you couldn't possibly resist it. 00:24:19.950 --> 00:24:22.490 It would be foolish to turn down this offer. 00:24:22.630 --> 00:24:28.210 Sorry, the offer that we gave Francis was actually 00:24:28.210 --> 00:24:32.069 very bad. I see. Because we knew he was a man 00:24:32.069 --> 00:24:33.710 who didn't know his milk. So the offer for him 00:24:33.710 --> 00:24:35.769 was actually very bad. It was a bad offer for 00:24:35.769 --> 00:24:37.930 him. Francis got screwed over by us, is what 00:24:37.930 --> 00:24:39.769 we're saying. Fair play to you. Fair play to 00:24:39.769 --> 00:24:43.430 you. But what exactly would you do with spiked 00:24:43.430 --> 00:24:47.029 milk? You can just have it. Just keep it? Yeah, 00:24:47.150 --> 00:24:48.789 and then whenever the time comes, you can just 00:24:48.789 --> 00:24:50.170 pour it down the drain. No, I'm sorry. I've got 00:24:50.170 --> 00:24:52.470 to stop you. No, you don't just pour milk down 00:24:52.470 --> 00:24:55.029 the drain. What if they can't have it? Well, 00:24:55.049 --> 00:24:56.250 if they can't have it, they don't deserve it. 00:24:56.619 --> 00:25:00.000 No, you just don't have milk sitting out. Clarry, 00:25:00.059 --> 00:25:03.500 breathe. Clarry, breathe. Can I interject here 00:25:03.500 --> 00:25:05.759 for a moment? I believe to first tomorrow, have 00:25:05.759 --> 00:25:07.319 you considered entering the baking competition? 00:25:08.160 --> 00:25:12.160 Well, I don't personally do any baking. Saoirse's 00:25:12.160 --> 00:25:14.359 fierce good at it herself. Now, she does all 00:25:14.359 --> 00:25:18.519 sorts. She does pottery. I'm sure you do. Look, 00:25:19.119 --> 00:25:21.359 we've got the best milk there is. I can assure 00:25:21.359 --> 00:25:24.420 you any cake you make will sweep the competition. 00:25:25.119 --> 00:25:27.920 Just get a bottle or two. Well, try it out. You 00:25:27.920 --> 00:25:29.720 know, I can sell a few. You don't have to eat 00:25:29.720 --> 00:25:31.400 them. I'll make you your special ones. No, I 00:25:31.400 --> 00:25:34.740 think... Don't say that in front of him. Dick, 00:25:34.839 --> 00:25:38.680 I'll make you a trade. I'm interested. I'll fix 00:25:38.680 --> 00:25:43.380 that stable door for you. And you, Dick... A 00:25:43.380 --> 00:25:45.400 bottle or two of our fine, fine milk for cakes 00:25:45.400 --> 00:25:48.079 or for spite or for whatever you see fit. No, 00:25:48.079 --> 00:25:49.299 they're not going to be for spite though, are 00:25:49.299 --> 00:25:51.599 they? When tropical fruit first made it to this 00:25:51.599 --> 00:25:53.700 part of the world, people didn't eat it. They 00:25:53.700 --> 00:25:56.259 put it on their mantelpiece. Fucking idiots didn't 00:25:56.259 --> 00:25:58.119 eat it. And what came? Rats. It's a class thing. 00:25:58.140 --> 00:26:02.079 Rats. It's status. It's having good quality product. 00:26:02.359 --> 00:26:04.859 I'm saying our product is good quality. I'll 00:26:04.859 --> 00:26:06.359 just have a look at this door over here. I like 00:26:06.359 --> 00:26:08.559 this. Patriots work things out. What was your 00:26:08.559 --> 00:26:12.089 name? My name. is Gideon Hubble. That's a superb 00:26:12.089 --> 00:26:15.069 name. Thank you. Yes, and you say that you know 00:26:15.069 --> 00:26:18.029 how to fix this door. Well... I'll tell you what, 00:26:18.049 --> 00:26:20.589 I'll grab the tools for my car, which I'm glad 00:26:20.589 --> 00:26:22.309 I drove here now. Are we going to do it together? 00:26:22.529 --> 00:26:25.390 Oh, yeah. You know what, Dylan? Two -man job 00:26:25.390 --> 00:26:27.950 is what I can sell. Thanks, Dylan. You know what's 00:26:27.950 --> 00:26:31.329 interesting? Together, the two farms here, yours 00:26:31.329 --> 00:26:33.849 and the Lenehan's, they've been together for 00:26:33.849 --> 00:26:37.170 your entire bloodlines. Generations, yes. Oh, 00:26:37.349 --> 00:26:39.859 then use both turnips. Yes, well, that's what 00:26:39.859 --> 00:26:42.220 the field accepts. I've tried other things, but 00:26:42.220 --> 00:26:44.480 it just gets spat out again. And now I'm sure 00:26:44.480 --> 00:26:47.019 you noticed Deke. You're Deke, aren't you? Yes, 00:26:47.019 --> 00:26:49.119 I am. I'm sure you noticed that Francis, he was 00:26:49.119 --> 00:26:50.819 pointing at you an awful lot there while we were 00:26:50.819 --> 00:26:53.019 over. He does. Now, I will say that's something 00:26:53.019 --> 00:26:54.940 that I do as well. I'd point at him from time 00:26:54.940 --> 00:26:57.619 to time, just if I'm feeling spiteful myself. 00:26:57.980 --> 00:27:00.279 Of course. And I want to lay the blame on him 00:27:00.279 --> 00:27:04.400 for something. Now, he knows. He's telling you 00:27:04.400 --> 00:27:06.500 that I... that I tilled this field of hills. 00:27:06.920 --> 00:27:08.640 I've seen it. I've seen the newspaper. The very 00:27:08.640 --> 00:27:11.019 accusation, aye. Now, that's impossible. I'll 00:27:11.019 --> 00:27:13.140 tell you for why. Oh, aye. In fact, I'll speak 00:27:13.140 --> 00:27:16.259 to you. Come back from that door. I want you 00:27:16.259 --> 00:27:17.759 to... Should we go over to the door while they're 00:27:17.759 --> 00:27:21.000 fixing it? Not at all. To be honest, I went to 00:27:21.000 --> 00:27:23.579 the door because it was just getting a bit tense. 00:27:23.680 --> 00:27:25.829 Yes, can I help you? I want you all to hear this 00:27:25.829 --> 00:27:27.130 and I want you to understand. Now, especially 00:27:27.130 --> 00:27:28.849 now that you've mentioned that you understand 00:27:28.849 --> 00:27:31.450 doors, this could be quite interesting. Now, 00:27:31.509 --> 00:27:34.890 he knows himself that I till a field with a horse, 00:27:35.029 --> 00:27:37.849 not with one of them machines like a coward, 00:27:37.990 --> 00:27:42.210 right? Now, my horse is missing. There is no 00:27:42.210 --> 00:27:44.769 way that I could have tilled that field. Not 00:27:44.769 --> 00:27:47.569 one way. And let me tell you something else. 00:27:48.190 --> 00:27:52.119 The lock on the door is still there. No signs 00:27:52.119 --> 00:27:56.079 of forced entry. No signs of forced exit. If 00:27:56.079 --> 00:27:58.680 you can tell me where the fuck my horse has gone, 00:27:58.900 --> 00:28:03.160 I'll reward you with as many turnips as you can 00:28:03.160 --> 00:28:07.180 eat. Could we... I don't want to... I saw your 00:28:07.180 --> 00:28:09.619 nimble grace getting under the door. Would you 00:28:09.619 --> 00:28:13.299 mind if I had a go going under that? Yes, you're 00:28:13.299 --> 00:28:16.079 not going in my house. But you can look at the 00:28:16.079 --> 00:28:18.880 stable. Where the horse lives. I don't want to 00:28:18.880 --> 00:28:21.180 be in a lactose -free house. So the stables, 00:28:21.220 --> 00:28:24.019 that's the one for me. Right over this way, door 00:28:24.019 --> 00:28:26.660 person. That was yourself, Gideon? Yeah. Check 00:28:26.660 --> 00:28:29.720 you that out. What do you make of that? Well... 00:28:29.720 --> 00:28:34.359 Yeah, it looks like the lock's fine. But it should 00:28:34.359 --> 00:28:36.660 be blasted open. All we need to do is just... 00:28:36.660 --> 00:28:38.660 Doolin, hand me that. Can I do a craft check 00:28:38.660 --> 00:28:43.640 on the door? You can, indeed. Thoughts rush through 00:28:43.640 --> 00:28:46.599 Doolin's head. I know that's a solid door, and 00:28:46.599 --> 00:28:48.960 it does not look at all like it's been tampered 00:28:48.960 --> 00:28:57.539 with. Could I lock on it too? Now, in we get. 00:28:58.619 --> 00:29:02.059 Inside, you see what looks like a normal stable. 00:29:02.720 --> 00:29:05.940 But, as your eyes cast across it, I'd like to 00:29:05.940 --> 00:29:08.460 know what yous all think regarding your awareness. 00:29:08.579 --> 00:29:11.420 Or perhaps, maybe some survival, or use your 00:29:11.420 --> 00:29:14.990 forensic eye. I failed my forensics while I was 00:29:14.990 --> 00:29:16.750 looking at the ground trying to see if there 00:29:16.750 --> 00:29:18.829 was anything under the ground. Clarry's looking 00:29:18.829 --> 00:29:24.950 at the ground. That's good ground. I'm going 00:29:24.950 --> 00:29:27.609 to use the powers of medicine to look for any 00:29:27.609 --> 00:29:32.190 blood or viscera. There is the slightest fleck 00:29:32.190 --> 00:29:35.769 of blood. Now, a normal eye would not have caught 00:29:35.769 --> 00:29:39.230 this, but the eyes of an optometrist are highly 00:29:39.230 --> 00:29:44.240 honed to changes in colour. And you noticed this 00:29:44.240 --> 00:29:48.559 tiny little fleck on the ground. But as you trace 00:29:48.559 --> 00:29:51.839 the direction of this fleck, you can see that 00:29:51.839 --> 00:29:53.700 there's a little patch of sort of churned up 00:29:53.700 --> 00:29:57.039 earth. Kind of like what you'd expect, you know, 00:29:57.039 --> 00:29:59.619 on the beach. You know, when you see those wee 00:29:59.619 --> 00:30:02.380 things, but a bit bigger. Is this tunnel the 00:30:02.380 --> 00:30:05.039 size of a horse? Or this churned up piece of 00:30:05.039 --> 00:30:07.920 earth the size of a horse? Not to get ahead of 00:30:07.920 --> 00:30:10.750 myself. I will say, it doesn't look like a hole, 00:30:10.869 --> 00:30:12.410 but it definitely looks like a sort of pile. 00:30:12.630 --> 00:30:14.269 You could probably have pulled a horse through 00:30:14.269 --> 00:30:19.809 that. My God. There you are. You see it for yourself. 00:30:19.970 --> 00:30:22.849 The door was locked, closed. There's no way anyone 00:30:22.849 --> 00:30:25.250 got in or out of here with my horse. Yep, that's 00:30:25.250 --> 00:30:27.789 just good ground. It's good, solid ground. This 00:30:27.789 --> 00:30:29.869 whole land is good, solid ground. Let me tell 00:30:29.869 --> 00:30:33.119 you what I think, right? Francis Lennerton. Is 00:30:33.119 --> 00:30:35.720 an absolute coward. And that man had all of that 00:30:35.720 --> 00:30:38.400 stuff put in the newspapers himself. And he destroyed 00:30:38.400 --> 00:30:41.140 his own crop. Because he knew that he would not 00:30:41.140 --> 00:30:43.859 win at tomorrow's fair against the mighty McAnally's. 00:30:43.940 --> 00:30:47.019 That is what I think. He sabotaged himself. May 00:30:47.019 --> 00:30:53.039 I ask, what's the horse's name? Margaret. Thank 00:30:53.039 --> 00:30:58.000 you. Interesting. Interesting. Margaret, like, 00:30:58.140 --> 00:31:03.589 the bereaved? Oh, not the bereaved. The bereft. 00:31:03.609 --> 00:31:06.029 Not the bereft. The dead. That's the one. The 00:31:06.029 --> 00:31:10.769 deceased. The deceased. Lenehan? No. I'd forgotten 00:31:10.769 --> 00:31:13.789 about that woman, yes. Was that her name as well? 00:31:14.670 --> 00:31:18.069 Yeah, it's a common name. I'm sorry, can I ask, 00:31:18.130 --> 00:31:21.210 did you name the horse after her? No, he named 00:31:21.210 --> 00:31:24.609 it after his mother. Also called Margaret. Yes. 00:31:25.069 --> 00:31:27.269 They could be best friends if they just talked. 00:31:27.369 --> 00:31:29.269 Do you ever think you and the McAnally's might... 00:31:29.660 --> 00:31:31.759 That's me. I'm a McAnally. Well, do you ever 00:31:31.759 --> 00:31:34.259 think you and the Lennons, you might have more 00:31:34.259 --> 00:31:36.900 in common than not? Get the fuck off my land. 00:31:36.920 --> 00:31:38.660 All right, thanks for your time. Don't mention 00:31:38.660 --> 00:31:40.900 that one of them looks like them. Don't mention 00:31:40.900 --> 00:31:43.539 that. Just going to say, just going to say, horse 00:31:43.539 --> 00:31:45.480 tunnel. Just think about it. I'll be in the car. 00:31:45.599 --> 00:31:47.380 What? Excuse me? I wouldn't have said that a 00:31:47.380 --> 00:31:49.400 year ago, but then I saw a man get bitten by 00:31:49.400 --> 00:31:52.079 a black widow, his head swole to the size of 00:31:52.079 --> 00:31:55.359 a pumpkin, and he died. No, I've, I've, I'm scared. 00:31:55.619 --> 00:31:58.359 Are you? Do you all work in milk? Yeah, no, we 00:31:58.359 --> 00:32:01.019 just have rich lives. Rich as this creamy milk. 00:32:01.220 --> 00:32:03.099 Spiders can get in anywhere. Spiders can get 00:32:03.099 --> 00:32:04.460 in anywhere. You'd be wise to remember that. 00:32:04.500 --> 00:32:07.380 Anyway, horse tunnel. I'll be in the car. Why 00:32:07.380 --> 00:32:09.420 did he give all the more backstory about the 00:32:09.420 --> 00:32:11.839 story, but only say horse tunnel? That watermelon 00:32:11.839 --> 00:32:13.859 thing was brand new information. I've got the 00:32:13.859 --> 00:32:15.339 car keys. I don't know what he's hoping to do. 00:32:15.740 --> 00:32:18.680 This won't open. This will not open. Oh, he's 00:32:18.680 --> 00:32:21.500 really pulling on that. Ah, the boot. Stop shouting 00:32:21.500 --> 00:32:24.160 at him. Just calm down. Right. Look, Ballycus 00:32:24.160 --> 00:32:26.519 Angel's on. Yes. You know you like it. I love 00:32:26.519 --> 00:32:28.700 it. I'll make you another coffee. A fifth? I 00:32:28.700 --> 00:32:31.480 shouldn't, but I will. Another? Look, it's the 00:32:31.480 --> 00:32:33.740 only thing that calms him down. It's counterintuitive, 00:32:33.759 --> 00:32:36.579 but it works. Come on. Back to the house. Fine. 00:32:36.740 --> 00:32:40.160 It was an experience to meet each of you. Hopefully 00:32:40.160 --> 00:32:42.000 we'll see you at the town fair tomorrow. If you 00:32:42.000 --> 00:32:44.920 come, please cast your vote for Mighty McAnally's. 00:32:45.059 --> 00:32:48.859 Oh, one last thing before I leave. Here's a Withers 00:32:48.859 --> 00:32:56.690 original for the kid. Thanks. Yeah. Oh, wait. 00:32:57.109 --> 00:33:01.250 Did you eat that yourself? Yes. You're an awful 00:33:01.250 --> 00:33:04.509 father. I'll be taking my leave now. I'll keep 00:33:04.509 --> 00:33:06.450 an eye out for Margaret. It was nice to meet 00:33:06.450 --> 00:33:11.690 you. Huddle. Huddle up. Our agents huddle in 00:33:11.690 --> 00:33:14.730 a circle in this man's barn. Should I get Gideon 00:33:14.730 --> 00:33:18.190 from the boot? No, we'll go out of the barn. 00:33:18.309 --> 00:33:22.009 We'll huddle near the boot. All right. Oh, he 00:33:22.009 --> 00:33:26.920 can't self -lock. All right, Gideon, calm down. 00:33:27.019 --> 00:33:29.839 I'm opening the bit here. I will calm down. You 00:33:29.839 --> 00:33:33.099 see, Clarry, we can calm down. Yeah, well, I'm 00:33:33.099 --> 00:33:35.500 trying, okay? It's just you get me all hot and 00:33:35.500 --> 00:33:37.200 bollard like a milkman should never be. If I 00:33:37.200 --> 00:33:40.299 get hot and bollard, I can't get in my car. I 00:33:40.299 --> 00:33:42.000 know we haven't known each other for long, but 00:33:42.000 --> 00:33:45.970 could I veto using the milk apprentice? lie a 00:33:45.970 --> 00:33:48.069 third time? I didn't want to use it a second 00:33:48.069 --> 00:33:51.109 time. Why not? No, why did you start there? Because 00:33:51.109 --> 00:33:53.309 I could see that angry man was clearly not a 00:33:53.309 --> 00:33:55.529 milk enthusiast. I knew, but just went in with 00:33:55.529 --> 00:33:59.490 it right away. Yeah, I did. Yeah. Sorsha seemed 00:33:59.490 --> 00:34:02.519 lovely. She seemed lovely. What I'm saying is 00:34:02.519 --> 00:34:04.920 that everybody trusts the milkman. That's not 00:34:04.920 --> 00:34:06.420 true. We don't have to use it again, but it is 00:34:06.420 --> 00:34:09.440 absolutely true. More milkman, more trust. Other 00:34:09.440 --> 00:34:11.880 than the milkmaster, they trust everyone. It's 00:34:11.880 --> 00:34:13.900 a blight on the community. The milkmaster is 00:34:13.900 --> 00:34:16.340 an unknown concept to every ordinary citizen. 00:34:16.559 --> 00:34:19.300 I got really into it. I made that up off the 00:34:19.300 --> 00:34:21.179 cusp, but you're telling me that's real. The 00:34:21.179 --> 00:34:24.440 milkmaster's real, yeah. All right. Well, I'm 00:34:24.440 --> 00:34:27.239 terrified. But yes, I agree. We can keep that 00:34:27.239 --> 00:34:29.400 for emergencies because it seems largely compelling. 00:34:29.659 --> 00:34:31.579 But I didn't want to mention it in front of, 00:34:31.659 --> 00:34:33.139 you know, I didn't want to get all conspiracy 00:34:33.139 --> 00:34:35.960 in front of like them. But did any of us notice 00:34:35.960 --> 00:34:38.960 the child? Well, yes, I tried giving her a sweet. 00:34:39.099 --> 00:34:42.679 Yeah, but did you notice nothing else about the 00:34:42.679 --> 00:34:47.820 looks or anything? No. No. All right. Well, are 00:34:47.820 --> 00:34:51.329 you saying the child's a bit horsey? No. He just 00:34:51.329 --> 00:34:53.550 looked like the fella from the other field, you 00:34:53.550 --> 00:34:56.530 know. At this moment, you see timidly walking 00:34:56.530 --> 00:34:59.090 down the driveway towards you, a young fella. 00:35:00.070 --> 00:35:02.630 Just look at him. Don't say anything. Just look 00:35:02.630 --> 00:35:05.449 at him. I hold up another Werther's Original. 00:35:05.789 --> 00:35:08.150 Don't do that to children. He scampers towards 00:35:08.150 --> 00:35:11.630 the Werther's Original. Oh, oh. All right. On 00:35:11.630 --> 00:35:15.130 all fours? This kid can really move. Oh, whoa. 00:35:16.130 --> 00:35:17.949 Okay, when I see it, he does look a bit like 00:35:17.949 --> 00:35:22.329 a horse. Hi, yeah, no, I saw you talking to my 00:35:22.329 --> 00:35:24.570 dad. My name's Kieran. Oh, lovely to meet you 00:35:24.570 --> 00:35:27.989 there, Kieran. Put it there. Thanks. He gives 00:35:27.989 --> 00:35:30.610 you a wee shake of the hand. Oh, a strong handshake 00:35:30.610 --> 00:35:33.449 there, son. I know my dad, he's all worked up 00:35:33.449 --> 00:35:38.980 about this, you know, and I honestly... I sort 00:35:38.980 --> 00:35:41.579 of think this might have been sort of my fault, 00:35:41.679 --> 00:35:44.559 this whole thing that's kicking off. Why do you 00:35:44.559 --> 00:35:49.199 say that? So, like, about a month ago, it was 00:35:49.199 --> 00:35:52.199 me and my mate. He's, you know, he's my best 00:35:52.199 --> 00:35:55.780 friend, Lenny. He's great. We got a bit drunk 00:35:55.780 --> 00:35:58.480 on cans and he's sort of into, like, all sorts 00:35:58.480 --> 00:36:00.739 of mad shit. Like, he loves horror movies and 00:36:00.739 --> 00:36:02.239 he really likes, like, Vincent Price's voice 00:36:02.239 --> 00:36:04.000 and, you know, just spooky stuff. What were the 00:36:04.000 --> 00:36:07.900 cans? I think it was like white lightning. Cool. 00:36:07.980 --> 00:36:11.659 Thank you. Oh, wait. White lightning? Let the 00:36:11.659 --> 00:36:14.019 kid talk. Let the kid talk. It's like a cider. 00:36:14.559 --> 00:36:19.800 Oh, never mind. Sorry, you've lost my interest. 00:36:19.880 --> 00:36:22.360 I'm going to go wander back to the... I'm off. 00:36:22.579 --> 00:36:24.500 That's okay. That's all right. We'll reel in 00:36:24.500 --> 00:36:26.260 this Bachelorette. I'm fucking going. Sorry, 00:36:26.380 --> 00:36:29.280 Kieran. Continue. Honestly, this is for the best. 00:36:29.539 --> 00:36:31.539 Another word that's original. You sure you want 00:36:31.539 --> 00:36:34.550 another original? The more you give him, the 00:36:34.550 --> 00:36:36.210 more he'll talk. You really love these. Yeah, 00:36:36.230 --> 00:36:37.829 yeah, my dad doesn't let me have them because 00:36:37.829 --> 00:36:39.710 they kind of taste like milk and we're lactose 00:36:39.710 --> 00:36:44.829 intolerant. He scuffed his right up. Yeah, yeah, 00:36:44.889 --> 00:36:45.829 it's a forbidden sweet for our house. I mean, 00:36:45.829 --> 00:36:47.989 I'll say his, that was meant to be for you. But, 00:36:48.090 --> 00:36:50.469 you know, they're the buttery treat. But yeah, 00:36:50.570 --> 00:36:53.070 so Lenny, he had this book that his granny gave 00:36:53.070 --> 00:36:56.269 him and there was like, you know, some cool pictures 00:36:56.269 --> 00:36:58.409 and it said there was a new moon and we saw the 00:36:58.409 --> 00:37:01.469 new moon and we, you know, we... We did some 00:37:01.469 --> 00:37:04.289 sort of thing, but I'll be honest, I'm a bit 00:37:04.289 --> 00:37:06.710 of a lightweight on the oil cans, and I just 00:37:06.710 --> 00:37:11.309 kind of blacked out. But I get the feeling that 00:37:11.309 --> 00:37:12.849 it might have been something to do with something 00:37:12.849 --> 00:37:17.809 we did. What do you remember? Honestly, we were 00:37:17.809 --> 00:37:20.389 just sort of waving stuff around at night. What 00:37:20.389 --> 00:37:22.889 kind of stuff? There was a stick involved, I 00:37:22.889 --> 00:37:26.769 think. And then I woke up in my bed. I definitely 00:37:26.769 --> 00:37:29.369 fell asleep in the field. And Lenny's a good 00:37:29.369 --> 00:37:32.510 guy, and he brought me home. That's a good friend. 00:37:32.630 --> 00:37:34.349 Honestly, Lenny probably knows a bit more about 00:37:34.349 --> 00:37:36.650 it than I do. He works down in Extrovision, downtown, 00:37:36.929 --> 00:37:41.389 if you want to chat to him. Yeah, sure. So where 00:37:41.389 --> 00:37:45.670 exactly was this? It was over at the far end 00:37:45.670 --> 00:37:49.090 of this field. Okay, around Turnip incident. 00:37:50.010 --> 00:37:52.030 Like, yeah, the fetus kind of loop around. They 00:37:52.030 --> 00:37:54.269 do kind of meet up against one another. Yeah, 00:37:54.269 --> 00:37:56.789 that's fair enough. Hey, I'll tell you what. 00:37:57.710 --> 00:37:59.570 Have a big pint of water. Have a wee lie down. 00:37:59.650 --> 00:38:01.469 You'll feel better in a bit. Okay, can I have 00:38:01.469 --> 00:38:03.469 another? Yeah, of course. You know what? Take 00:38:03.469 --> 00:38:06.909 five. Hey, and you know what? We'll make sure 00:38:06.909 --> 00:38:10.150 that this doesn't come back to you, okay? Thank 00:38:10.150 --> 00:38:13.010 you. Yeah. We can say that it was robots or something, 00:38:13.050 --> 00:38:17.570 right, Clarry? Hey, Kieran. I mean, Clarry laughs. 00:38:18.829 --> 00:38:24.369 Thanks, man. Sorry. Yeah, no, it's a cool T -shirt. 00:38:24.909 --> 00:38:27.010 It would have been a real zinger if it was here. 00:38:27.210 --> 00:38:29.809 We'll come up with a good light. Maybe not the 00:38:29.809 --> 00:38:34.710 robots. You won't be... Just have a wee light 00:38:34.710 --> 00:38:37.570 on. I might have a light on. If you want, I can 00:38:37.570 --> 00:38:43.449 drive. No. All right. You're not insured. Next 00:38:43.449 --> 00:38:46.530 time on The Bad Articles, join our brave volunteers 00:38:46.530 --> 00:38:49.550 as they head to Extrovision in search of Eleni. 00:38:50.349 --> 00:38:53.590 The Bad Articles is created by J .R. McCormick 00:38:53.590 --> 00:38:56.889 and Aidan Kelly. It is recorded and produced 00:38:56.889 --> 00:39:00.750 by Clark Phillips at Felburn Studios. Starring 00:39:00.750 --> 00:39:04.190 Conleth McVeigh, Laura Conlon, Patrick Meier 00:39:04.190 --> 00:39:05.789 and Niall McKenna.