Welcome to Fandom Shmandom, the fandom podcast
that covers everything you love and more. I'm
Sierra Obermark. And I'm Sam Williams. Today's
episode, we will be benignly bellowing about
Star Wars, Episode 2, Attack of the Clones. And
without further ado, we will, as Roger Smith
says, dive all in. So get up to 88, because it's
time to travel back to our story recap. The Republic
is weak. Count Dooku, a man we've never heard
of, is leading thousands of systems who have
declared their intentions to - Oh my goodness,
Padme is dead? Oh, wait a second. It's the same
trick as last time. Haha, fooled again. It's
only another decoy who's been killed. justice
for corday or are we just leaving her dead body
there no okay anywho anakin and ben kenobi have
been assigned to be padme's bodyguard and anakin
is dealing with teenager hormones but not to
worry anakin kills the bugs sent by a robot sent
by zam wessel who was sent by jango fett who
was sent by count dooku who was sent by darth
sidious to kill padme But a captured Zam is killed
by Jango, and only the dart contains clues as
to where another clue might exist. Anakin and
Obi -Wan are split up. Obi needs to track down
this bounty hunter in Mandalorian armor whose
dart is from Kamino, a planet that doesn't exist.
And Padme and Anakin go to Naboo to keep Padme
safe with their hot new bodyguard, where they
gallivant off to the Lake District and fall madly
in love with some of the clunkiest romance scenes
known to giant blockbusters. Obi tracks down
the planet of Kamino with child labor and meets
the citizens of Kamino who expect him somehow.
Unsettling news, a Jedi ordered a huge swath
of clone soldiers some ten years ago, unbeknownst
to anyone on the Jedi Council. They are ready,
and Obi -Wan pretends to know all. He meets bounty
hunter and DNA donor Jango Fett and his kid Boba,
who he knows is Padme's would -be killer, and
goes after them. Obi fights everywhere, on two
different planets, in space, in the rain, in
a desert. He sneaks around, he messages the Jedi's
to report everything he's seen, and is eventually
captured and brought to Count Dooku. Meanwhile,
Anakin kisses girls, spouts off fascist beliefs,
attempts to save his mother on Tatooine, slaughters
a lot of indigenous men, women, and children,
and then also gets Padme and himself captured.
Dooku tells Obi -Wan he's his grandpa Jedi Master,
and that a Sith Lord is in charge of the Republic.
Jar Jar gets manipulated into a motion to grant
the Chancellor emergency powers, which of course
he gets because he's the Sith Lord, and the Jedi
just roll with it. Annie, Padme, and Obi -Wan
are reunited, and it feels so good! For two of
them, anyways. Padme professes her love for little
Annie, just - before being fed to one of three
terrifying monsters. But don't worry. Padme is
on top of things, and the two Jedi have space
wizard magic. They manage to avoid being eaten
until many Jedi appear. And though many of them
die, the clones arrive and the tide turns. Mace
kills Jango, eulogies for him, and Dooku just
manages to escape, but only after shocking and
de -limbing Anakin. besting Obi -Wan, and staving
off an attack from Kermit the Frog, best known
by his stage name, Yoda. But never fear, now
the Republic is down many Jedi and up military
soldiers to fight a war that the Jedi will now
be drawn into. Out go the peacekeepers and in
come Jedi soldiers, which I'm sure won't be a
problem. Nor will the secret wedding between
Anakin the Jedi, who is not supposed to have
attachments, and Padme the Senator, who is very
much in the limelight. All will be well. End
of movie recap. And now it is time for a reality
check. How did this movie get off the ground?
Not that it was really ever in question, but
after Phantom Menace made $924 million globally,
beating out other 1999 movies such as The Sixth
Sense, Toy Story 2, The Matrix, and Disney's
animated Tarzan, director and Star Wars creator
George Lucas bulldozed forward to make Episode
2. So what was the critics' reaction to this
new Star Wars movie? Well, as of today, it stands
at a fresh 61 % on Rotten Tomatoes' critics'
score, which is surprising as the initial critics'
response was a a bit murkier and a bit more downtrodden.
But re -releases and, you know, new Star Wars
movies where people start re -watching and putting
in their own two cents after the movie's been
out for 10, 20 years, that will raise your score,
apparently. It's got a 56 % popcorn meter, aka
the fan reaction, which is also surprising given
the fact that Star Wars fans love to sort of
manipulate Star Wars critic or fan scores a lot.
So you'd think after nostalgia, it would have
gone, Up and up and up and up, but it is still
a rotten score for the fans. Good news! Well,
there was actually some good reviews initially.
Richard Corliss of Time Magazine back in 2002
wrote, deep into the trove of his self -generated
mythological world to produce a grand entertainment
that offers a satisfying balance among the series'
epic, narrative, technological, and emotional
qualities. A very unpopular view, I will say.
Interestingly, Philip Wunsch of the Dallas Morning
News wrote, Will it win new Star Wars acolytes?
Probably not. Will it please Star Wars loyalists?
Without a doubt. Not everybody, of course, loved
this movie. It was widely panned. Roger Ebert
wrote, Episode 2, Attack of the Clones, is a
technological exercise that lacks juice and delight.
John Anderson of Newsday wrote, Had Lucas allowed
McGregor's Obi -Wan to dominate more of the movie,
the movie might have had legs. Kenneth Turan
of the Los Angeles Times wrote, Lucas' gift for
animating the inanimate turns out to be paralleled
by a tendency to deaden what should be completely
alive, which is a devastating comment. Ouch.
Eleanor Ringel Carter of the Atlanta Journal
-Constitution sunned up much of what the fan
and critic experience was when she wrote, This
movie is a disappointment. After starting her
review by asking the question, Why can't they
just clone The Empire Strikes Back? Which, Which
begs the question, did she write The Force Awakens?
And then lastly, with the best zinger, we've
got the San Jose Mercury's Glenn Lovell, who
wrote, Clones is more Star Chores than Star Wars.
Oh my goodness. So then the fan reaction, mixed.
Just as Phantom was, just as critics were. I
will say less negative overall than Phantom.
More because, you know, some people thought that
it had come back to a little bit more of a Star
Wars feeling than Phantom gave us, especially
with... The FETs and clone backstory, you know,
fans of Boba from the originals were happy and
yet cautious maybe about their love for Jango,
knowing kind of the treatment that the FETs tend
to get. And then we're excited by the use of
the FETs as the blueprint for the clones. There
were a lot of people who were bored or maybe
underwhelmed by the romance, as it were, and
had some issues with the awkwardness of the lines,
which is a fair assessment. There were criticisms
of the general performance choices regarding
Anakin and Obi -Wan's dialogue with each other,
Anakin's dialogue with Padme, just some of the
maybe more script choices. that were a part of
the film. However, overwhelmingly, fans kind
of excused everything when we finally get to
see Yoda fight, which was a huge win. Theaters
were deafened by cheers. Even those largest critics
did manage to crack smiles, seeing him finally
come to life and see the Jedi that he is. Some
people... were confused about why the clone troopers
looked like stormtroopers, and I remember it
launching a million debates about, wait, hold
on, are all those stormtroopers who die, are
those actually clones? Is that better or worse
than them all being separate people? Many questions
abound. But there were still a large number of
fans who walked away as let down by this film
as they had been the last one. The gap between
those who liked it, though, and those who didn't
like it, still overwhelmingly came down to an
age gap. Yeah, absolutely. Younger fans still
tended to enjoy it. Older fans still tended to
not. I would say about 15 maybe is the 15 years
old. Maybe a little bit older is about where
that line came down. So if you were under that
age, you probably liked it, at least on the first
watch, first couple watches, seeing it in theaters.
If you were over that age, maybe a more uh lackluster
enjoyment so this is the first time that i remember
like there being a big difference between my
mom and my sister disliking a movie and me really
liking the movie and all of my sister's friends
who i'd gotten to know in theater groups and
and and just them being over at the house and
stuff being like oh my gosh tackle cleanse is
terrible and i as like a 10 11 year old just
like This is kind of like my favorite movie of
all times. And then, of course, it became really
cool to hate this movie. So, like, if you were
at all socially competent, you would also feign
or join the discourse of hatred for it. Right.
And, you know, ever since then, we've had some
things that aged good and some things that aged
pretty terribly. Moving us on to our next...
little mini category here what age to the best
and what age to the worst um i've got for what
age to the best the clunkiness of the dialogue
and the character moments of the movie seem to
be looked on quite uh fondly now and i gotta
say this this movie has some really choice lines
i'm excited for when we get to the lines category
but yes um i think like Even if you hate the,
I hate sand, it gets everywhere, it's coarse.
People still kind of vibe with that in the way
that people vibe with, there's a hole in this
cake from a Greek, what's that movie? My Big
Fat Greek Wedding. Thank you, yes, thank you.
My Big Fat Greek Wedding. People are like, oh,
I love this moment just because it's that moment.
So many meme -able moments in this movie. Absolutely.
The amount of memes that have come from Attack
of the Clones is honestly wild, and I should
have done a count. I do other counts in this,
but I should have done a meme count now that
I'm thinking about it. Maybe that'll be some
additional content. Some additional content,
indeed. What did you have for aged best? I for
aged best, I would say Hayden Christensen's performance.
Agreed. Which is very similar to clunkiness of
the dialogue character moments, because I think
that at the time. He was very highly criticized.
However, looking back on it, as now all of us
who were young, who maybe felt awkward watching
him, and then now look back at how we indeed
were as 19 -year -olds, we go, oh, you know what?
Accurate. You know, it's fascinating. He nailed
it. They asked him to be a 19 -year -old in love,
and guess what? One of my big gripes around media
literacy when it comes to acting is very similar
to my gripes around, like, people who criticize
teaching. Most people think that they can criticize
teaching because they were students and have
never been teachers. Same thing with acting.
A lot of people watch. movies or watch plays
and therefore as a viewer because they've witnessed
what they think makes good acting or not they
feel like they have a voice to be able to say
well this was bad or this was good one of my
biggest gripes with the people who criticize
Hayden Christensen's performance is that they're
really just criticizing Anakin Skywalker's character
as being yes whiny and cringe awkward and instead
Hayden Christensen is doing a fabulous job like
that he's doing all of the terribly cringy scene
where he just kind of unloads on his frustrations
with obi -wan as padme is packing is like wow
christiansen is nailing this dialogue yes it
is so cringy and you feel that emotion because
he does such a good job That's not him being
bad. He's actually doing exactly what the scene
has. And what we hear a lot about with George
Lucas is that as a director, he's not particularly
specific with his, like, you know, hey, I want
you to do it like this, or I want you to do it
like this. He'll just say, okay, like, the guy
who voices Maul in Phantom Menace is not the
same guy who is the physical actor. I forget
what his name is. He's in Parks and Rec as a...
It's a very funny bit, a little character bit
in Parks and Rec. He said George Lucas, his one
note for him was like, make him sound more evil.
And that's kind of what a lot of people say about
George Lucas' thing, is that he's just like,
more energy. And so it's not Hayden Christensen's
fault, really, at all, in this movie. And so
I'm glad people like that. Yeah, definitely.
So what do you think aged the worst? You have
a better one that I will immediately cop to.
I have CGI Yoda because he just drives me bonkers.
I understand doing, like, a digital Yoda for
his fight sequence. But, like, you can see the
pixels moving in his face when he's just, like,
talking to Obi -Wan about his lost planet. I
just, I really love Puppet Yoda. So much. And
I feel like his sort of puppety characteristics,
that Muppet -ness about him, gives him this really
sort of kooky vibe that we lack when it's just
digital Yoda. And I know that the technology
is really cool, and Lucas is very interested
in the technology and how much you can push it.
But I really wish we had regular Yoda. I know.
What I think is interesting, though, is there...
They did when Lucas did specifically give direction
that even though they were going to do CGI Yoda,
he wanted him to still have the puppet tendencies.
So puppet Yoda has this way of when he moves
his ears kind of jiggle in a certain way. And
so he like required them to keep that in the
CGI, which is great. I lost in translation though.
Yeah, but also like we're pushing the boundaries
of technology at this point. And so you can only
accomplish so much. And getting away from the
actual physical anything is going to have a difference
for sure. Yeah, absolutely. What did you have
for worst? My worst is Padme just loving on Anakin
immediately after he admits to mass murder. That's
actually aged to the worst. It's crazy. It's
absolutely wild. For whatever reason, I thought
that there... Maybe I blocked it out, but I could
have sworn that there was at least a moment where
she doesn't necessarily like... And chastise
him for that, but maybe an expression on her
face or something, being a little bit upset,
just a little, at the fact that he just admitted
to slaughtering not just the men, but the women
and children as well. But no, she just immediately
is like, my poor baby, you had to kill all of
these people? Yeah. Oh, it's okay. I went back
and looked for a lot of different cuts of that
scene specifically because I thought I'd remember
the same thing. And with Star Wars, you kind
of never know what version is actually on Disney
Plus or if you've got the old VHS. So if anybody
has a cut that they're like, well, no, the original
movie release was like this and she actually
makes a frown, please send it to us. Yes, please.
That's going to do it for what age the best and
what age the worst. So, dear listener, dear schmissioner,
as we say, keep your finger on the pause button
and rewind that tape. It's time for the prestige
category of what did we notice on this additional
watch through? Number one for me was Ewan McGregor's
performance is super good. Instantly in this
movie, he sells the idea that everyone is actually
10 years older. Because he goes from... padawan
frustrated not that much screen time obi -wan
clean shaven boyish to this brother father uncle
santa teddy figure sorry that's a bobsberger
reference um uh where he like has authority and
has a rapport and you can sense that there is
stuff between him and hayden versus in real life
it's just ewan mcgregor like Okay, I just made
this other movie three years ago. Now I'm making
this new one with this new guy, Hayden, and his
acting is just, it sells what's going on with
their relationship so well. For sure. My next
one is, they reference Dooku as the mysterious
Count Dooku. Pretty sure everyone in that scene
knows who he is. It's like, are we just building
lore where there is no lore? Also, like, how
many Count Doogoo's are there? Like, it's just
the one, right? He's just the Count. Dear Lord.
Yeah, my next one. Awkward flirting is awkward.
I did make a tally on this one. There are nine
awkward flirting scenes, if you include Padme
being extra sweet right after Annie reveals he
slaughtered an entire village. And only four
of those occur before their first kiss. nice
excellent yes i have much to say about the whole
padme how is she in love scene but we'll get
there when we get there yes we'll get there um
i did also notice i paid a lot of attention to
anakin anakin and obi -wan actually don't have
that much interaction together during this film
because they're apart for so much of it which
is interestingly similar to obi -wan and qui
-gon not having very much to do with each other
in, in Phantom. However, what we do see is like,
Obi -Wan is almost always like trying to keep
Anakin from becoming like too big for his britches.
He calls him my young Padawan learner and my
very young apprentice, just kind of consistently
reminding him that he's still young. He's still
learning, even though he's a natural and strong
in the force. He is still like, we have to remember
he's nine years behind. on Jedi training. Yeah,
or at least six if you count Obi -Wan. Because
Obi -Wan starts at three and he's late. Right.
And wasn't Qui -Gon found at five? Yeah, yeah.
Something like that. So even still, even considering
Qui -Gon, who was five years behind, and Obi
-Wan, who was three years behind, like... He
is still significantly late. Like, that is one
of the bigger reasons why they didn't want to
train him is because they didn't find him until
it was really, really, really, really late. Because
most Jedi or Force -sensitive children are found
as infants. Yeah. So it's just wild, basically,
that they took him on as a nine -year -old. Absolutely.
It's something I notice on every rewatch and
it's been well documented on the internet, but,
but our Palpatine's game of telephone to kill
Padme is just stupid, stupid, stupid. I wrote
it in the beginning, but it's, it's crazy how
many stupid steps that are still all like, Oh,
this eventually tracks directly back to Palpatine.
Like there's no subterfuge here. It's just like,
well, if you find the robot and then you find
the Zam and then you find the Django. And then
you make the connection that Tyrannus and Count
Dooku are the same person. And then Dooku's like,
by the way, there's a Sith Master. And you're
like, oh, you're Darth Tyrannus? You must be
the apprentice. Who's your Sith Master? And then
suddenly you're at Palpatine's doorsteps. Like,
it's so stupid. Yes, it really is. It's one of,
yeah. I have nothing else to say about that.
It's ridiculous. It's ridiculous. My next one.
So, okay. When Anakin is seeing Padme again,
kind of for the first time, and they're going
to guard her and they're pacing around, you know,
right below her room or whatever. Obi's sitting
there going, be mindful of your thoughts, be
mindful of your thoughts, like keep your thoughts
to yourself, essentially. From the reading we've
been doing between Master and Apprentice and
kind of the High Republic stuff, Master -Apprentice
bonds are often so strong that the Master can
literally know what the Apprentice is thinking.
And all I have to say is poor Obi -Wan. Teenage
hormones are horrible. That poor man has to hear.
Anakin's quite a creep at the beginning of this.
So creepy. He's a young man who has... Like,
not had very much. Not been around women. Has
not had very much experience in any sort of love
expression whatsoever. And I, it's just like,
they do a nice job of selling, like, how inexperienced
as a person he is. But it is, it is a poor Obi
-Wan for sure. But then, but then my. But then
my sympathy for Obi -Wan kind of wanes instantly
as soon as they stop the bugs and Anakin does
this amazing, very exact sword slash of the two
bugs that manages to not cut any of Padme's very
long hair off and just kills the bugs. And then
Obi -Wan looks out the window to see the droid
is still there. And it's just like, droid, single
thought, get it, and jumps through the window.
What is he thinking? He's a thousand, two thousand
levels up on a Coruscant planet. He's going to
fall to his death as soon as the - And what is
he thinking? He's like a dog that has found the
fire truck. He just doesn't know what to do as
soon as he's actually got it. I have to imagine
- I have to imagine that on some level, he knows
that if he - does miss and falls that he'll be
okay. Yeah. Um, because they do a lot of very
fall from height training. Um, however, um, however,
yeah, just a wild decision. Yeah. Um, something
that I genuinely missed, which was like kind
of surprising for someone who's watched this
movie, like over a hundred times. Um, I just
like, was paying attention to what i imagine
was probably a boring scene for me for a long
time when palpatine and anakin are in his office
and palpatine's like oh they finally given you
a whatever it's called a mission or an assignment
and and then he's like And Anakin says, or Palpatine
says something along the lines of, like, that's
down to your talent or something of that nature.
And then Anakin's like, more to your guidance,
actually. And I was like, wait, wait, double
take, what? Wait, what? Palpatine has been guiding
Anakin? Like, how have I missed that? For how
long has he been doing this? What type of guidance?
It definitely does a lot of heavy lifting to
explain why Anakin is so willing to trust Palpatine
in the next movie. And I just, like, it had gone
over my head every single time. Yeah. And also,
I mean, because before that line, you know, I'm
kind of like, it's been 10 years. How does Palpatine
like I don't understand his thought process around
this, like, oh, have Anakin and Padme get together.
That'll be perfect. Like, how does he know that
that is going to do anything that Anakin has
any sort of feeling towards Padme that that could
potentially develop into anything dangerous?
how is he so assured in his plan? And then I
was like, Anakin's probably been spouting off
every time they meet for the last 10 years. He's
like, oh, remember that Padme? She was great.
You still talk to her? Hey, you know, she took
your spot now. You know, she's the senator from
Naboo instead of you now. Like, hey, how's she
doing? How are things? Did you go back to your
home planet? Do you ever see her? Is she seeing
anyone? I mean, are you seeing her? Does she
seem, does she seem, is she happy? Has she ever
asked about me? Uh, yeah. And then just the line,
the chancellor doesn't appear to be corrupt.
Just like cry, laugh emoji. Just, uh, Palpatine
is a politician. And where I'm like, as a kid,
I was like, why is that such a bad thing? And
as an adult, I'm like, yeah, I probably wouldn't
trust him either. Well, well, what's also crazy
is like, Not 20 minutes from now, Anakin's going
off about politicians and Padme's like, you don't
like politicians, do you? And he's like, whoa,
whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait. I like you, politician.
And this chancellor guy who seems like a pretty
upright dude. My pal. Okay, so not to bring up
Bob's Burgers too many times in this episode,
but Max is giving Bob's Burger vibes so hard
in this diner scene. You walk in and he's wearing
the chef outfit. And then I noticed for the first
time that he has a mustache. And I was like,
whoa, this guy is Bob's Burgers in Star Wars.
I need more of him. I love it. So good. Oh my
gosh. Yes. I also love Obi -Wan's kind of indecision
about flying. So in Master and Apprentice, he
loves flying at the very beginning. He comes
to form kind of a... Maybe a reluctance. Deep
bias towards the lack of flying in his life.
Yes. And ends up really enjoying the riding of
these fast creatures. But I don't mind flying,
but what you're doing is suicide. And then later,
this is why I hate flying. She's like, make up
your mind, sir. Speaking of, like, just the past,
Padme wasn't the youngest queen elected. What
on earth is happening in Naboo? Do people just
put cute kids up for a vote and then manipulate
the crap out of them to get what they want? Like,
what is happening at Naboo? Why are we having
anyone younger than 14 be a queen? Was she specifically
talking about Naboo or was she just talking about
in general? I think she's specifically talking
about Naboo because then she goes on to say like,
I was really excited when my two turns were up,
but then this next queen asked me to be senator.
So I think she's being local and specific to
the planet. That's so wild. I know. Yeah. I mean,
no. Why? What's the point? What's the point?
What's the point? Maybe they will. Okay. I can
see the only excuse I could potentially give
is that they want someone who hasn't been already
corrupted. But then it's so easy to just make
decisions for them because they're a child. I
don't know. Whatever. Yeah, for real. Yeah. Then
we go to the archives. If it does not appear
in the records, it doesn't exist. And I think
that that sounds pretty ignorant. Yeah, the Jedi
archives. It's really arrogant. Really? Really?
That you have everything, everything, literally
everything possible in the archives. There's
no way. But it also makes potential archive loss.
Devastating. Devastating. Like, Library of Alexandria
levels of horrifying. All knowledge of the universe
that we've got in one place got burned down?
Are you kidding? Like, that's crazy. So, something
interesting here is, you know, we have Yoda talk
about arrogance is more and more a common feature
of the Jedi. And here's such a prime example
of, like, if it's not on the record, it doesn't
exist. And also, that's stupid because in all
the Star Wars novels and all the maps created,
there's a whole era. around the known galaxy
called Unknown Regions. She's gotta know that
not everything is in the records. But then when
we do get to the planet that doesn't exist, Camino,
I just gotta say, there was a moment I was watching
this movie, I was watching with a friend of mine,
and that giant... like reptilian seabird comes
out of the water and i just go what a cool bird
it's amazing and then probably immediately after
that i looked at my screen and went fake beard
is fake because when they had to do the reshoots
uh he'd already shaved He'd already shaved, so
they had to put a fake beard on him. And sometimes
it's so obvious. Yeah, it's really bad sometimes.
And it kills me. It kills me that they can make
this dope reptilian bird dinosaur, essentially.
And then fake beard. Fake, fake beard. Oh, my
gosh. Yes. And then. What I also was like really
focused in on is kind of all of Palpatine's little
moments because obviously we know. The little
corners of his mouth come back. And he just he's
sitting there instilling like this little bits
of doubt in the Jedi and this kind of false confidence
in Anakin telling him to trust his feelings.
And then kind of right afterwards, Obi -Wan is
telling Anakin, like, your feelings betray you.
So it's like, no wonder this kid is confused,
because the two people that he's like, arguably
looking up to the most are telling him exactly
conflicting information. And even the Jedi are
confused about him. Like, yeah, it's crazy. And
then, yeah, and then everybody's confused about
him because suddenly Yoda and Windu, joint misters
don't train him. He's not who the prophecy spoke
of. He's ready for a solo assignment. We are
confident in him. He's going to bring balance
to the force. And I'm like, what? Pick a lane.
What are we doing here? I really like the complete
switch that we've had over 10 years. I think
it does a lot for world building of like, wow,
Anakin and Obi -Wan must have done some pretty
cool stuff. Yeah. And we don't have to know what
all that stuff is. But it's interesting to see
the switch in the Jedi. Anakin and Padme have
really different values, both political and personal.
It's kind of amazing. It really speaks to Padme's
character as to what she's looking for in a partner.
Because it's certainly not like... uh theoretical
value based it's much more like what your actionable
values are um which i thought was really interesting
yeah definitely different also um like the She
has to kind of subtly reject him a number of
times because, you know, they're not supposed...
I thought we decided not to fall in love. And
on one of these deciding not to fall in love
moments, she picks just the most wild outfit
and setting. Like, she makes the craziest outfit
choice. You're talking about the black dress
with the choker necklace and the red? I am talking
about the black dress with the... The cleavage
kind of hiked up and the choker with the fire
in the background in this low light, very romantic
setting. Like, we can't be together. This is
a huge debate between a lot of people in the
fandom in terms of like, oh my gosh, she totally
wants him. Why? And I think we get into like
some very weird, serious categories about like
how people interpret clothing. I will say this.
I will say this for the people who are saying
it's not wild. None of us know what type of coding
fashion means on Naboo or in the Star Wars universe.
This is definitely like a Earth -centric, especially
like US -centric version of like, this dress
means such and such. Therefore, she wants him.
I think it's, for some people, I start to get
deeply uncomfortable with that notion because
they seem like the type of people who are like,
yeah, but look at what she was wearing. Even
though she said no, she clearly still wanted
it. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no. And
yet at the same time, I'm like, look, that dress
is mirroring what happens in the next episode.
She's surrounded by fire and she's getting choked
by Anakin's presence in a way. So there's some
cool little tidbits in that scene. Yeah. See,
I like things like that. For me, it's not necessarily
like, look what she is wearing. I think it's
more like, this is the moment you chose to tell
him no. Wait till the next morning. You almost
made me spit take my tea, Sierra. this is the
moment we're choosing right now okay okay like
you were just totally flirting with him at dinner
and now you're gonna be like no maybe just like
let it settle choose a better moment where you
can just have a proper little sit down and be
like this is not a good idea she literally could
say calm down hey let's talk about this later
i need to go to bed and excuse herself because
that i mean there's a lot of stupid decisions
in star wars so she's not the first person yes
She could have done what Leia did as soon as
Han kissed her, and Empire just slinks away.
Yeah, for sure. So that's more of my confusion.
Okay, so we've got Obi -Wan and Jango fighting
out in space in one of the coolest little technological
moments with that bomb that goes off, and that
noise, I can still pinpoint exactly what it looks
like and sounds like and what it does and where
they are from when that little, I forget what
it's called, but when that bomb goes off with
the blue lights. So, but it's interesting here.
So, they send a missile, tracking missile. Obi
-Wan has spare parts compartments that conveniently
shoot out the back. And he does so to, like,
you know, scatter debris. The missile hits that.
It blows up. And then he hides on an asteroid.
And you can see, like, this very, like, ha -ha,
I've got you scene where they float away after
being like, well, we won't be hearing from him
again. And then it slides up and his ship is
so evidently viewed. And it's cool because Boba
Fett, it seems like, takes that lesson to heart.
He, in Empire, kind of knows that trick, and
so is able to follow Han to Cloud City and eventually
cause the third act of Empire to start up. Mm
-hmm. Yeah. And also, just watching that whole
fight sequence, which is really cool, how on
earth did Obi -Wan not get more hurt from the
ship firing at him? And then also the, like,
literal grunt around his wrists. Like, I'm sorry,
but this movie should have lost many more hands.
I do a lost hands and lost head count, don't
you fret. But there should be more because he
should have lost both of his hands from being
pulled by an entire person's weight. Yeah. And
being dragged around by his wrists and a little
tiny wire wrapped around them. Oh. Oh, I was
just in pain for him the entire... I was so distracted.
Both wrists should have broken as soon as he
toppled. I mean, he's probably using the Force
in some way. That's what Star Wars fans will
tell you. They're like, oh, well, he uses the
Force to make his bones be stronger. And it's
like, yeah, but come on. So Anakin is slaughtering
a bunch of indigenous Tusken Raiders off Tatooine.
And it shifts away from that so that we don't
actually see the slaughter of women and children.
And Yoda can hear Qui -Gon calling to Anakin
in the Force. Which I think is really fascinating
that Qui -Gon is that much tracking Anakin's
progress and trying to stop him. And it's also
a cool little hint for Yoda learning to commune
with those long past, specifically Qui -Gon.
Yeah, very cool. And also, kind of... Right before
this, the fact that Anakin is just so attuned
to the Force and so strong in it that he gets
dream visions is really interesting. It isn't
a very, very common occurrence among the Jedi
at all. The only two that I have... Seen up until
this point have been Qui -Gon in Master and Apprentice
and then Elzar Mann in the High Republic series.
Yeah, and apparently Sifo -Dyas, who we meet
in here, is plagued with visions of the future
and dreams and kind of is going crazy before
his demise. Right. So there's really only four
that we know of who are kind of so attuned to
the Force that they're able to see these visions.
Or know what's happening or what will come to
pass. Since those Jedi of yore who wrote down
all the prophecies and whatnot. Yeah. I wrote
this next one down before the end of the movie.
And I said, I still don't really see when Padme's
love. for anakin becomes real to her you can
see that she's battling with it clearly like
she's she's you know constantly like should i
should i not she's basically like plucking off
flowers petals until the end of the movie um
right but she never i never really understand
what turns her from no little annie to yes sir
anakin um And then at the very end, she gives
that big speech and she goes, you know, I've
been dying a little bit every day since you came
back into my life. And it was like, oh, so you've
been holding on to this love for Anakin as well,
which still makes me feel uncomfortable. Because,
yeah, he was nine years old. And like, how often
have you seen each other? And also, are you going
to Palpatine being like, oh, have you seen Anakin?
Does he say anything about me? I guess it's a
little bit unclear in the movie textually. oh
yeah that she sprouts or has love and then and
then later on we see that she has love obviously
but it's just like that moment of like no to
yes i feel like is lost in that movie and it's
one of my biggest complaints yeah i i i don't
see it i even even kind of with a little bit
more context it really doesn't seem to be on
screen or in the backstory at all um because
you you know you can argue like It's a little
weird because he was nine and she was 14 and
now she's 24 and he's 19. And like, oh, I mean,
technically now the age difference doesn't matter,
but it's as much. That's almost her. It's almost
half her life that she's apparently been pining
over somebody. It just seems weird. And especially
because the first time that they see each other,
it's like, oh, that's Anakin. wow it's almost
like it doesn't seem like she's been thinking
about it yeah absolutely so yeah i don't i don't
get it either um yeah so then we go to uh tatooine
and um i i just want to have i have a few things
about lars here um shmi's new husband i think
no longer unnamed mother number one we get her
name yes exactly she has a name now um So I just
want to say Lars is a pretty upstanding, great
dude here. Yeah, absolutely. First of all, he
tries to get Anakin to accept his mother's death
even before it's confirmed. Like he's like, we've
tried everything and you just got to accept it,
son. And like, what if he had just listened?
You know, that's like a big what if. But also
like he sent 30 people. after her yeah like that's
some love that's dedication to your wife right
there applause to you sir also it is crazy that
26 of those people died yeah trying to save one
person from a village that has women and children
yeah like how crazy are these tuscan raiders
that you sent 30 people after one and only came
back with four yeah that's wild wild um So crazy.
I think this whole sequence is very much Anakin.
Without this sequence, Anakin does not become
Vader, period. Period. And we don't understand
how any of this happens and how any of the switch
occurs and any of his motivation or anything
like that. Yeah. I think, you know, when he's
standing at her grave, I miss you so much, which
is an exact mirror of when he's standing in front
of the council and Phantom and says, I miss her.
You know, your thoughts dwell on your mother.
It's all very focused on that whole situation.
And then we, you know, get the notice that Obi
-Wan is basically under attack. And he has this.
He's like my father because Padme is arguing
that, you know, Obi -Wan should be important
enough to go after. And he corrects her and he's
like, no, he's like my father. He's not just
my master. He's like my father. But I was given
strict orders to stay here. And I'm kind of like,
well, that's all well and good, my dude. But
your quote, quote, father gave you strict orders
to stay on Naboo. And you left to go find your
mom you haven't seen in 10 years. So I think
Padme's kind of in the right here. Yeah, absolutely.
If you're going to go after her, you should probably
go after him. It might fail just as much as the
previous mission failed. And then Obi -Wan is
like... I'd be I was beginning to wonder if you've
got my message. And it was like, dude, you told
him to stay. Yeah. Well, maybe because like,
you know, no one came. No one's come. Yeah, for
real. No, no one has come. There's been no word.
There was no, you know, anything. So potentially.
And then I just. you know we go to the kind of
the politics of it all um and the supreme chancellor
is granted emergency powers and i'm just sitting
there going oh yeah emergency powers that's always
given back always in all of history that's never
gone never never gone wrong once never never
never once that's always a perfect thing to give
somebody to make them into essentially a dictator
i promise you i will lay down these powers as
soon as this crisis is over except i'm gonna
oh yeah i'm gonna Poke the embers of this fire
until that crisis lasts another four years. Exactly.
I'm not going to make this crisis go on way longer
than it should. Absolutely. And then I just think
it's so interesting then that, you know, Dooku
and Obi -Wan's whole conversation. Dooku essentially
lays out the entire plot for Obi. Yeah. He tells
him everything. Except for the little detail
that Sidious is Palpatine. Well, and it's interesting
here. And that he's Tyrannus. And because Obi
-Wan literally says at the end of the movie when
they're talking about it, he's like, it doesn't
feel right. And he's picking up on something.
What doesn't feel right is that Sidious is also
in control. of the separatist movement, and that
Dooku is his apprentice, and Dooku's actually
in league with him. So he's picking up, and because
their ability to use the force is diminished,
he's not able to suss the whole thing out and
sense exactly what's right. But he does pick
up on that something's wrong, it's just that
they're all so arrogant at the fact that they
would know if Palpatine or somebody like him
was in charge. It's just so frustrating and so
well done. I just... I had it in this. It's perfect.
It's like the dark side is clouding us as Palpatine's
in the room. And I'm like, is the dark side in
the room with us? It's calling from inside the
house. It's inside the room! Oh my gosh. Okay,
so I, for the first time, I had seen the fact
that Jango Fett's jetpack gets damaged by the
Reek, that's the rhino -like monster. But I had
missed the fact until this watch through that
he actually tries to fire it up to escape. Yeah.
And that's kind of why he's just sort of lazily
standing there. He tries to fire up his jetpack,
and so his demise, much like how Boba... has
a quasi -demise with the Sarlacc, is that his
jetpack just stops working. And that jetpack
fault lasts him for another 30 years. But it's
really unfortunate. I feel bad for Jango every
time I watch that scene. Because I was always
such a big Jango fan. I love the Mandalorian
look. I love the armor. I liked the way that
he acted. I thought he was cool. And I feel bad
for his son Boba in that moment. But it is, it's
really kind of just, oh, oh, he was trying to
get out of the way. His tech failed him, and
then Mace is straight up just decapitates him.
But I felt stupid for missing that, for sure.
Something that I did not miss this time around,
that I think I did before, Boba is hella bloodthirsty.
We see it in the fight on Kamino with Obi -Wan,
where he's like, get him down! Instead of running
away, let's just murder this man. And then again
during these executions, he really wants to see
these people die. And it's just wild. And then
we get in kind of another few moments during
this whole executions. Patience, Viceroy. Patience.
She will die. Yes. Yes, she will. Just not today.
Oh, boy. And also, like, this whole thing has
to be really weird for Boba at the end here,
because he watches his dad die, and then his
dad's killer is rescued by many of his dad. That's
such a great point. I never thought about him
being like... I never thought about it until
this watcher. I literally was like... I was like,
oh, that's... Wait a second. That's weird. Hey,
soldiers, do any of you want to adopt me? Hey,
he was my dad. So like all of you are kind of
my dad. Also, all of you are kind of me. So like
we're all kind of brothers. We're all kind of
brothers and uncles and the same person. And
help. Help. I had here just as man. Christopher
Lee is just. masterful, magnificent. He's such
a good actor. He's, he'd been good for, I don't
know, 50 years, 40 years plus. I mean, Dracula
and a Bond villain and obviously Saruman. And,
and it's just, oh man, he's so good. Incredible
man. So good. And I just love the fact that his
curved blade is because he was related to Napoleon
Bonaparte and Napoleon had a curved saber. And
so they were like, you know what? We're going
to give you a curved saber. Yeah. I. Just dropping
lore. Yeah. Just Christopher Lee lore. No big
deal. I just had... Surprise Death Star! The
plans! They've been created! Yeah. Oh my gosh.
And then, you know, they're leaving and Padme
falls out of the transport and... You know, Anakin's
obviously freaking out, and Obi -Wan, don't let
your personal feelings get in the way. And I
just want to say, technically, Anakin's current
job is to protect Padme. So, technically, he's
trying to follow orders. Now, his orders are
currently being overridden by Obi's saying stay
in the transport, but I'm just saying, technically,
he's not wrong. He is not wrong. That's very
true. Okay, there are two lines in this movie
that Yoda does not reverse his language for,
which I found very fascinating. The first one
is, Interesting. Not reversed. Not reversed.
The next one is concentrate all firepower on
that, you know, battle station or whatever the
thing is when he's directing the clones. Also
not reversed in any way, shape, or form. Which
is fine. You know, it's not a huge deal. Just
spoke to me. But then we get, you know, Dooku
and his riding his little moped and then coming
to the hangar. And I don't know if you noticed.
I noticed this on this one. So when Anakin and...
obi -wan get out at the hangar the ship that
they're in gets blown up obviously yeah a clone
trooper gets out with them and the ships blow
up that and then before they pass takes one shot
snipe to kill that clone trooper it's like one
of the most miraculous oh these guys can actually
aim moments because they gotta be going so fast
and that's such a tiny target and they just boom
and he's Blasted off the side of the little tunnel
thing that they've got there. And then we get
Dooku, who's extremely powerful. He's better
at saber fighting than both Anakin and Obi -Wan.
And Obi -Wan is known as one of the best sword
fighters in the galaxy. And then his force powers
are super good. It's just he can't quite match
Yoda. I just thought with how kind of renowned
Obi -Wan is, it is a little crazy to me. I know
this is more about Anakin than it is about Obi
-Wan. But still, Anakin's fight lasts way longer
than Obi -Wan's fight. And I feel like that's
slightly unbalanced. Yeah. And also that Dooku
just kind of like toys with Obi -Wan. You know,
he just was like, ha ha, got your arm. Ha ha,
got your leg. And then just like leaves him there
to gloat for a minute and give Anakin a chance
to overcome being shocked. That whole thing kind
of was a little bit odd. Yeah. On a rewatch.
I will always say this about prequels. I don't
like built up moments of tension around people
that we already know survive. Right. Um, and
so like the, that moment, you know, it's interesting
to see Anakin get his, his oomph back and an
attack and such, but like you, everyone knows
Obi -Wan Kenobi is going to live unless they
literally come up with a twin named Ben who will
now also train Anakin. Like it, I, I, I don't
love it. Um, but the Yoda scene turns out still
slaps still is great. Still is wonderful. Yes.
We finally see him fight and it's amazing. It's
fantastic. My brother jumped off of couches and
tried to do flips all over the place forever
after watching that. He's also a small guy. I
laughed out loud watching the aftermath of this
scene. Because Padme finally gets there after
she gets this clone trooper to go hail another
ride. She comes and she runs over to Anakin.
Now, Obi -Wan had just, like, kind of limped
over to Anakin to see if he's okay. And then
Padme runs in and they have this big, long hug.
And you just see Obi -Wan kind of slowly limping
away from them, being like, I don't want a third
wheel over here. It's just so funny. I encourage
everyone to go back and watch that. I found it
hilarious. Oh, man. Yeah, and then, you know,
the end of the movie. And then they just... They
just get married. Yep. No proposal. No, let's
try to be together. No, nothing. Just married.
Life partner. Instant. No doubts about it. Nothing
bad can come from this. Nothing at all. Lost
hand count three. Yeah. Lost head count, too.
Three lost heads if you count me losing my head
about our stupid Palpatine's assassination attempt
plan. You know, you don't always have to face
down a horde of angry soldiers by yourself. Buckle
up, Schmissners, because it's time for our Sansa
is smarter than Jon category for what is the
most important character moment of this movie?
I have Anakin not saving his mother being the
most important. I've got for honorable mentions
Padme declaring her love and another small honorable
mention just in terms of like. Why we get the
character that we get. This is such a clear origin
moment for Boba seeing his dad die. But Anakin
not saving his mother, to me, is the most important
character moment. As you said earlier, it's the
reason why he becomes Darth Vader. Yeah. Yeah.
Very similar. But I have just kind of one microcosm
moment of that, which is, I hate them. Cue Imperial
March. Because, whew. Yeah. Very, very impactful
there. Well, I know you just lost three hands
this time, Sierra, but listen up. It's the I
am your father category for most iconic character
moment for which I have Yoda baby lightsaber
battle as the most iconic character moment. I
think it's the thing we think of the most other
than maybe sand, which is my honorable mention
of the sand hatred moment. My most iconic moment
is. Not just the men, but the women and the children,
too. Yeah, yeah. Honorable mention, Yoda, finally
fighting. Finally fighting, indeed. Definitely.
Everybody, sit down. It's time for our I am Iron
Man, most iconic and most important scene category.
So, I've got the Yoda fight scene for iconic.
just because that entire scene, which I'm including
Obi -Wan fighting, Anakin fighting with two lightsabers,
hands lost, puncture wounds, you know, grabbing
forced lightning and stuffing it into oblivion,
hopping around like Kermit. I've got that for
iconic. And then for important, I have Anakin
slaughtering the Tuskens, which is such a reversal
of little Annie from Phantom Menace who wouldn't
have done that. Her to fly. I agree on both accounts.
I just had an honorable mention for Iconic, which
is just the imagery of Boba head to head with
Jango's helmet. Making a movie poster and slap
it up on my wall. It's great. Oh, yeah. That's
such a good one. Such a good one. Excellent.
Crack open an encyclopedia. It's time for our,
as Elijah Wood once said, no, how could we have
known category. where we discuss the most important
information disseminated to the fandom in this
movie. I have several. My one honorable mention
is that the Jedi's use of the Force has diminished,
which I think is... a really important world
building moment to both say why they can't sense
Palpatine. And also just like an idea of like
when the dark side gets stronger, Jedi gets weaker.
But I have two as sort of my most important,
which was 10 years ago, right around the events
of Phantom Menace, a clone army was created under
the name of a Jedi who died 10 years ago. Huge,
like. Information that makes the movie believable
as to what happened and that Palpatine's been
doing this all along. And then, of course, we've
got that arrogance is a trait more and more common
among Jedi, even among the older, more experienced,
as Yoda said, which I think is a huge implication
for why this is the end of the Republic and the
end of the Jedi. I basically have the same ones,
but just in reverse order. The fact that the
dark side has grown so much that it's clouded
the Jedi's abilities. And then my honorable mention
is the clone army, its existence, how it came
about, all of that, essentially. Time to keep
your horses safe. It's the, I'm going to make
him an offer he can't refuse, category of best
lines. Okay, there's only one for me. This is
the best line. It's Mace Windu with Samuel L.
Jackson's incredible delivery hopping up and
going, this party's over. Which is just amazing.
I do have an honorable mention to the day we
stop believing democracy works is the day we
lose it. Which is not even by a main character.
It's by the Queen of Naboo. I have a number of
them. I think the most important one being Why
do I get the feeling you're going to be the death
of me? Don't say that, Master. You're the closest
thing I have to a father. Chills every time.
Then I've got a number of honorable mentions.
You don't want to sell me death sticks. You want
to go home and rethink your life. I love it.
Lost a planet, Master Obi -Wan has. How embarrassing.
How embarrassing. I'm just a simple man trying
to make his way in the universe. That's such
a good line, Django. So good. I've got a bad
feeling about this. No, you can't use this one
yet. You have to wait for the original where
it comes out. I have used it twice and I will
continue to use it. No, absolutely not. It's
not allowed. Banned. Banned. It's very much allowed.
What about Padme? She seems to be on top of things.
Yeah, that's a great one. She's literally climbing
on top of something. And then you call this a
diplomatic solution? No, I call it aggressive
negotiations. That's one of my least favorite
lines, in all honesty. I just think it's so funny.
It's so campy that it distracts me from the moment.
It takes me out of the movie every time. But
I know a lot of people love it. And with that,
it is time to board the TARDIS and explore our
what -ifs with our Get Out category. Okay, what
are the biggest what -ifs of this movie? What
if Obi -Wan was assigned to Padme instead of
Anakin? Aye, it's a great... I hadn't even thought
about it. It's a great what if. The, like, ramifications
of it's Anakin that has to go and just completely
cannot keep up a pretense that he's the Jedi
Master that is like, yeah, absolutely, all of
this, and then report back where he's just like,
what? what do you mean the Jedi did this? We
didn't do that. All right. Who's Jango? And then
like, just like tries to slaughter Jango and
then all the clones. And then it's just Anakin
dead in Camino because the clones went after
him. No, but also I feel like, uh, I just saw
this meme the other day. Uh, you know, the, the
famous game of Thrones, like, uh, Robert Baratheon,
black of hair, and then his son blonde of hair.
So there's this great meme. That I think would
happen in actuality should Obi -Wan have been
assigned instead. It goes, Anakin Skywalker,
brown of hair. Padme Amidala, brown of hair.
Luke, blonde of hair. Hello there. That's great.
So good. That's really funny. I don't think so,
though. Obi doesn't end up falling for Padme
at all. He's already with Satine! Stay tuned
for our Clone Wars stuff, y 'all. Um, okay. What
if the Clone Army wasn't approved, Emperor doesn't
get emergency powers, and nobody came to Emperor
to rescue Anakin, Obi, and Padme? Does any of
them live? Uh, I don't think so. Right? I mean,
well, and it's not just them, but Mace is there,
and Kit Fisto? Kit Fisto, yeah. Hmm. No, well,
Yoda's the one who arrives with. Yeah, but he
might have just come by himself. Oh, that's true.
That's true. That's true. So it's just Order
66 a lot earlier. And the whole Jedi High Council
becomes somebody different. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.
Well, but then they say, yeah, they say, like,
we're just going to take whoever's left. So I
want to know where everybody else is. Yeah. Because
in the next four, in four years from now, we
have a lot more than we're standing in that tiny
circle. So. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What if we didn't
have to show Natalie Portman's midriff? Because
she's just turned 18 and now they're allowed
to. Would the movie be a flop? Oh, wait a second.
It already was. I just hate that costume change
beyond belief. It's weird. It doesn't even make
any sense. It's so unnecessary. It's physically
impossible. She didn't get dirty. She just gets
scratched and the cat's like, I'm going to expose
her belly button. Oh, that part. I was thinking
her costume change from sitting. And going, it's
okay that you just slaughtered a bunch of people.
So then they like walk into the ship and now
she has a completely different outfit. Yeah.
Yeah. And it's all white on a sand planet and
it doesn't get dirty at all. And then she's on
another desert planet that's not dirty. And then
the cat's like, let me scratch your back. But
it also, it will expose your entire midriff.
Stupid. Yeah. I wish they'd just, uh, this is
the end of us and been like, you can't handle
my midriff. Anyways, okay, real what if. What
if Lucas hadn't made a typo? Who would have been
Master Sifo -Dyas in this movie? Okay, so Master
Sifo -Dyas, for those who don't know, was just
supposed to be, like, it was supposed to be Sid
Eos. And, like, just this really campy, like,
way of being like, oh, a guy, like, like, Darth
Sidious pretended to be a Jedi and was Jedi Master
Sid Eos, but they made a typo and it was Sifo
-Dyas. And then they actually, like, bore a character
from that typo. So I just, like, would it just
have been Emperor? Would they have gone with
the same camp? Would they have eventually been
like, no, that's stupid? It's not an answer,
but what if, but I like it. I like it too. It's
fun. It's a fun little mind game. Yeah. Okay.
What if Anakin wasn't so arrogant and had learned
to quell his emotions? How would he react to
his dream and his mom dying? I think the answer
is just like, well. It would have been okay.
Maybe instead of keeping it to himself, he would
have potentially like told. obi -wan or any of
the other jedi masters hey i've been having these
dreams um they seem potentially concerning anyway
we can have someone check it out uh and then
react in a very calm and collected manner and
you know maybe someone would go with him to ensure
he doesn't slaughter yeah entire that'd be great
yeah there you go um which kind of is the same
as my what if ish uh which is what if anakin
doesn't specifically witness his mother's death
um which could go either one of two ways maybe
he gets there in time and is able to save her
or he got there too late she's already dead so
i think he doesn't see the body he doesn't get
to hear her try to say i love you one last time
because i feel like that is much worse yeah And,
like, having her die in his arms is worse than
if he had just arrived and she was already gone.
Yeah, I still think with that one, if he arrives
and she's already gone, we still get Vader. Because
he's still freaked out about, I didn't listen
to my dreams in time, and I'm stressing to make
sure that I want to save the person that I love.
But if he gets there and saves her, we don't
get Vader, I think is simply the answer for that.
What if... Obi -Wan takes Dooku seriously about
a Sith Lord with the Trade Federation and now
being in charge of the Republic. Yeah. I mean,
crazy. Potentially something that I found kind
of interesting just because there's the whole
lore of the apprentice Sith is always trying
to amass more power so that they can take over
from the master, which... In this specific case,
Palpatine is kind of a one of a kind situation
because he keeps getting all of his apprentices
killed instead of succumbing to death himself.
But basically, that's why there's always only
two, because they just keep killing each other.
But if I'm just I'm just thinking like if Obi
-Wan takes Dooku seriously, but doesn't think
that Dooku's in on it. Could potentially the
Jedi, the Republic, Dooku's people all gang up
on our Palpatine? And then are we facing Dooku
becoming the new Master Sith? Could we have a
very different kind of everything with Dooku
at the helm? Because he doesn't have the very
specific machinations that Palpatine does. I
just, I kind of wonder, Dooku as a Sith Lord,
as the Sith Lord Master, what that looks like.
Very interesting. Well, it's interesting because
Dooku's already kind of set up to be in charge
of the Separatists. They don't know Palpatine
really that much yet because Newt Gunray hates
Palpatine, and so Dooku's sort of taking that
role. I think Dooku's Separatists win in this
case because you've got... a republic without
palpatine able to really coordinate that well
and and dooku's a very good leader even though
he's evil and it's it's interesting to think
about an empire or some sort of quasi like figurehead
republic that dooku's actually controlling being
in charge because i find if dooku can get the
power which is a huge if his empire or his government
might be harder to take down than Palpatine because
Palpatine at the end of the day is consumed with
most power and Dooku seems to be concerned with
winning and governing effectively more than Palpatine
is. So I think he might be a little bit more,
like you don't get the Death Star, you get him
listening to Thrawn and making the more efficient
TIE Fighters instead of the Death Star, which
Sierra, you will hear about later when you finally
watch Rebels. I will. You get some good stuff
there. Anyways, what if Yoda or Obi or Annie
actually do stop dooku uh i don't actually think
much changes because they stopped i don't think
so either uh at the beginning pretty shortly
in like three years time from now i i just think
that palpatine finds another person whether it's
ventress or grievous or somebody or corrupts
another person or goes and find you guys don't
know this yet but maul's alive um it goes and
find somebody and just has them lead instead
but i think it's still kind of the same thing
yeah A very small aside is that when they were
originally creating the character of Dooku, they
had toyed with the idea of having a female Sith
to kind of be an opposite to Padme. And the original
drawings are very much Ventress. But then they
had Christopher Lee sign on. And so then they
were like, oh, never mind, we're going to go
with him. And so then that's kind of how Ventress
was born. That's awesome. Based off of the original
drawings. for Dooku that's super cool and also
like you kind of have to sign Christopher Lee
if he's interested yeah next category everyone
off the stage and cue Gandalf questions questions
that need answering okay some of these questions
cannot be answered like this first one why are
the Jedi so okay with how clouded the force is
to feel why do not they do not pursue that mystery
more it's a huge question why why why why This
next one, we kind of answered before, I guess.
How's Palpatine so confident in his plans regarding
Anakin and Padme? I guess because Anakin's been
talking to him for like 10 years. Yeah, apparently.
I guess so. If you removed, Sierra, all the Padme
and Anakin cringe scenes, what would you rate
this movie? Oh, if I remove all of those scenes,
honestly, I'd probably have to go like an 8 out
of 10. Yeah, so I think this movie sits around
like a 6 .5 out of 10 for me. And then if you
remove all those scenes, it's like, yeah, I'd
say eight. It's a really good movie when you
remove sort of the cringe stuff, even though
I love the cringe stuff now. I have legitimately
watched this movie fast forwarding through the
cringe stuff before, and it is quite enjoyable.
What is it about Anakin that Padme is drawn to?
You got to explain this to me, Sierra. Because
he doesn't share her political values. He doesn't
share her personal values. Is it just how actionable
she is? Like, I don't get it. Is it just like
he's conventionally attractive? What's happening?
I literally cannot give you an answer. Because
I kind of wanted to answer this during these
sequences. Because I was like, maybe I'm just
so distracted by the fact that he's acting like
a teenager that I don't see. Like, what? And
so I tried to put myself back into, like, you
know, 19, 20 -ish year old, like, mental state
and listen kind of like as a younger person to
be like, okay, let's hear what he has to say.
What is he saying? How is he flirting? Like,
is any of this appealing at all? I don't get
it. Yeah, I don't get it. I don't get it. It
doesn't make sense. Does it track for, like,
how he is as a person and what he would do? 100%.
Would I, in Padme's place, be interested in that?
No. I'd be like, okay, dude, you do you. I'm
good. You can keep protecting me. You're a really
good protector. So the thing that would make
sense to me, let's say Padme's been thinking
about him for 10 years, right? Yeah. He was this,
I'm going to help the world. I'm super innocent.
I want the universe to be a good place. I'm going
to... be actionable in helping my people. And
like, so he does the pod race. He, you know,
he helps them escape and get the parts they need
and all this stuff. But he's not that same kid.
He spouts off fascist views and murders men,
women, and children immediately. And then she's
like, you know what? This guy, he rocks. So,
so Padme is listing when she, when she says to
him, Hey, we can't be together. She's like, you're
a Jedi. Okay. I understand that. Got it. You're
not supposed to have attachments. I'm a senator.
And I'm like, wait, what does that have anything
to do with the fact that we can't be together?
You're allowed to marry people. What's happening
here? You can do whatever you want, lady. It's
not like the senator or sworn off, you know,
I hereby vow to uphold the constitution and never
marry a Jedi. Like what? Yeah, no, I don't, I
don't get that one or what it has to do with
anything at all. My next question, why don't
the Feds just leave? Why do they decide to fight
Obi -Wan on Kamino? Why don't they just get in
the ship and leave? I'm so glad you brought this
up because I had the exact same question. I didn't
write it down because I thought I was writing
too many questions down. And I was like, because
the whole scene really just could be. Dad, look!
Oh, get inside the ship, Boba! Run inside! And
then Obi -Wan just does what he does anyways
and just throws the little thing. Now, it's not
visually as interesting. It's not as interesting
movie -wise. That fight scene rocks, but it makes
a lot more sense. Yeah, and also, they don't
know that... he knows that he's the bounty hunter
i mean like obviously he's he's making those
kind of like pointed questions but he doesn't
have any proof right and so it's like him fighting
him that's the proof i think that he knows as
soon as he comes out because he's dressed in
the armor that obi -wan already saw him in so
jango knows right there oh no this guy knows
but it still makes more sense like i know jedi
are quick just leave but he should just go in
Yeah, he should just leave. Yes. Why doesn't
Obi -Wan tell Mace and Yoda about a man named
Tyrannus? Like, he says everything else when
he's giving that lowdown. But he's like, hey,
the guy who hired Jango Fett's name is Tyrannus
or Tyrannus or whatever it is that they say.
And he doesn't mention that to them. And it's
like, hey, maybe we should look into who's called
Tyrannus. That's probably not a very common name.
Like, oh, by the way. That might be important.
This guy around Count Dooku's home planet goes
by Tyrannus. Oh, hey, that's Dooku. He's a Sith.
Like, I just, it's frustrating to me. Why doesn't
Obi -Wan tell the Jedi where Jango is going and
just have, like, ten Jedi show up to arrest him?
This happens in actual police work, where if
a guy runs away but you have his information,
you just tell a bunch of cops and they all show
up at his residence. And therefore you have a
bunch of backup. He's got a tracker on his ship.
It's not like he has to go take him one -on -one.
Yeah, he doesn't have to follow immediately behind.
Does the tracker only work for a certain distance?
Like, I don't think so. Okay, this is a Force
Awakens somewhat spoiler. Why does 3PO in Force
Awakens think no one will recognize him when
he has the red arm? He's like, you might not
recognize me, Mr. Solo, because I've got this
red arm. But he used to be completely just, like,
pewter. It used to be gold. Stupid. It's stupid,
stupid. This is a question that I had. Why doesn't
Yoda, who senses Anakin's pain and the killing
of all the Tusken Raiders, he never goes up to
Anakin and is like, hey, before you got your
arm chopped off, and I mean like a couple days
before you got your arm chopped off, you had
a lot of other pain. What was going on there?
Because I could feel you pretty strongly through
the Force. Oh, Yoda, I... You okay, dude? Yeah,
exactly. Yoda, I did something terrible. I killed
men, women, and children. Hey, we should send
you to therapy. Like, he doesn't follow up about
it at all. Nothing. Yeah, for real. I'm just
not proud that the Chosen One went through a
bunch of pain. It's fine. Totally okay. So, like,
kind of on the other side of this, like, Anakin
just goes straight to blaming Obi -Wan for, like,
holding him back. But it confuses me because
we don't really see a lot of that. Like, we don't
see Obi -Wan really holding him back. Like, he
has those moments where he's mentioning that
he's young and he's a Padawan and he's still
learning, but he doesn't actually, like, tell
him not to do anything or, like, he's really
very much just guiding. And, you know, he's on
a solo mission, which is fairly unusual for a
Padawan to be on right now. So, like... I don't
really get, like, where his whole, like, it's
Obi -Wan specifically. Like, not, like, the Jedi
Council. Yeah, I mean, we see Anakin say, I'm
ready for the trials. So clearly there's been
some sort of disagreement on whether, of Obi
-Wan specifically holding him back from the trials.
But as Yoda says, the Council makes the decisions
about the trials, not the Master. So that's kind
of confusing. And then we do see Obi -Wan being
like, hey, are you guys sure about this? So he
does hold Anakin back a bit. With the council,
but not in front of Anakin. And then he definitely
humbles Anakin. He humbles him for sure. And
he does have some pretty terse responses in terms
of like, why did you take so long? You take too
long guarding the speeder instead of your lightsaber
skills. All the stuff that clearly shows that
Anakin thinks he's much better than Obi -Wan
does. And it's probably somewhere in between.
It's one of those things where, like, Anakin
clearly thinks he's, like, a 10 out of 10 Jedi.
And Obi's like, you're, like, an 8. You know,
like, you're good. But, like, you know, there's
still room for improvement. And Anakin's already
like, I'm the best. Yeah, for real. My next question
is, what is Mas Amedda's deal? Yeah. He's Mr.
Blue Guy. speaking up for Palpatine, like doing
all the heavy lifting, essentially, on getting
him those emergency powers. He, you know, he's
the voice in the ear of Chancellor Valorum in
the previous one, where we hear Palpatine himself
go, enter the bureaucrat. So it just, you know,
obviously Palpatine's got all his machinations
and whatnot, but he does seem to be like, maybe
not a fan of Maas. And then, No, he's like his
bestie. See, I think that he's already planted
Moss there to help slow down Valorum's whole
government in order to get a vote of non -confidence.
Interesting. We do know that Mas Amedda is one
of the few people to know about Order 66 before
it happens. Yeah. So, question here. Is it arrogance
or pragmatism that makes Obi -Wan say there isn't
enough time to get help to take Dooku down? That's
a great question. I want to say it's pragmatism,
just kind of knowing Obi -Wan's character. I
agree. I don't necessarily think that Obi, well,
because he's not arrogant enough to think that
he can do it himself. Right. You know, he immediately
is like, I can't do this alone. I need you with
me, Anakin. Like, so I think it's more, and also
he thinks that they're going to end up there
with the rest of the clones on the ship. And
Padme. Not knowing that it's going to blow up
and Padme and whatnot. And so I think it's more
pragmatism of just like, this is our chance.
Like we should. Do it now. I mean, and we see
how quickly Dooku gets into his ship. So I think
you're right there. But just with the theme of
there being arrogance, arrogance for Anakin,
arrogance in the council, arrogance at the library,
arrogance from Dooku. It just, it makes me wonder
if that's a moment of arrogance or pragmatism.
I think pragmatism. Yeah. Dooku's ship is super
unique. How many light sail ships are there?
Why can't they just like, hey, he came to Coruscant,
by the way. We have a log of his ship entering.
Yeah. And then also, everyone go and look at
the last sequence where Palpatine is looking
out at his new army. Why the heck does Bail Organa
look like Shakespeare? I know, with the rough
and everything. It's so funny. Random. Alright,
rip open that candy wrapper. And show us your
golden ticket. It's time for the Veruca Salt
Award for a piece of memorabilia we really, really
need. Okay, it is the entire Jango Fett's armor
with a working jetpack. Please and thank you.
Seconded. I love it. My honorable mention is
Dooku's speeder. I see, I hate this. It's like
a little tiny Vespa thing that has no protections
or guards. I love it. That's why I love it. That's
why I love it. He just hops on it and is just
like... And away I go. This is something I didn't
put in, like, what I noticed for my second rewatch.
It's like, I think he looks so stupid on it.
Like, what the heck is happening? I think it's
great. My honorable mention for real life application
slash potential mass production is Lars's floating
wheelchair. Yeah, that's a good one. That would...
cause that would that would get rid of so many
issues with regular wheelchair applications in
in the real world indeed uh all right commissioners
last category dust off that card deck and get
ready to shuffle it's our joker category For
who is the MVP of this movie? Honorable mentions
first go to Padme for me. And the Boss Nass Award
for pound per pound screen time, best decisions
sort of as you make them, would be Yoda or Count
Dooku in terms of like, Yoda has an impactful,
really impactful screen time. Dooku, also really
impactful screen time, including... Chris Lee's
best delivery of someone fakely giving apologies
where he's like, oh no, this is madness. They've
gone too far this time. We're like, man, you've
nailed somebody doing a kind of bad job at faking
how bad they feel about this situation. Your
honorable mentions. The acting on acting on acting.
My boss and ass award is Dooku for sure. just
yeah amazing accomplishes everything that he
wants to um even if it's maybe not in the way
that he envisioned it all playing it out uh everything
playing out and you know not everybody dies who
he was kind of hoping would die but that's okay
um my honorable mention goes to r2d2 without
him padme would be dead that's so true um padme
would be super dead um so i'm gonna go with uh
he's my honorable mention here and the real mvp
yeah for both of us is for both of us uh ewan
mcgregor aka obi -wan kenobi uh i have kind of
both of them down for two different reasons obi
-wan you saw it with the critics too a bunch
of them were saying like Hey, if Obi -Wan was
allowed to be a bit more in this movie, he would
have legs. Like, Obi -Wan should be allowed to
cook. Obi -Wan's great in this movie. He's just,
he finds out all the stuff. He sleuths around
Kamido. He tracks down Jango Fett. He gets everybody
to Geonosis. He uncovers, like, the plot. He
makes a big mistake by not listening to Dooku.
But he's so good. Conversely, not conversely,
in addition, Ewan McGregor. really holds this
movie together from an acting perspective where
he's just for sure so good i mean he's right
there with christopher lee that scene between
them is always kind of electric um i it's obi
-wan kenobi for me 100 awesome yep 100 100 today
is public service announcement Women of Star
Wars, please be mindful of the green, beige,
and red flag system when choosing a husband.
Potential red flag examples include fascist views,
killing not just the men but the women and children,
and watching you while you sleep, change, and
intense unwanted smoldering. Thank you, listener
schmissioners, for listening to this episode
of Fandom Schmandom. If you'd like to discuss
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out there. And with that, we're out, y 'all.
Don't forget to tip your clones. And fare thee
well. Erky -derky -shmokey. Ready and countdown.
He meets Jane. And though many of them die, the
clones arrive and the tide turns. Wow, that is
not a good pronunciation of the word arrive.
Going back to and many or and though. Roger Ebert
wrote episode two. Ebert, sorry. Roger. Roger.
Okay. Age the best and age the worst. So we're
going to. We're going to make sure that you all
keep your finger on the pause button and read.
Oh, my gosh. That's going to. Oh, my God. And
with that, it is time to board the TARDIS and
explore our what ifs. Nope. Restarting. And with
that, it's time to board. BAMP. BAMP. BAMP. BAMP.