It's given me a lot of perspective on life and
I think also like resilience just in like my
daily life things because nothing I go through
feels as bad as what IBD has put me through.
So I just feel like I'm able to get through those
things because I've already been through worse.
This is Sarah. who after eight long years of
suffering, finally got diagnosed with ulcerative
colitis at age 23 in Washington, D .C. Sarah
started dabbling in treatments, but the damage
to her colon was already done. And in 2024, she
woke up with an ostomy. Today, on the Colitis
Unfiltered podcast, Sarah tells us all about
her IBD journey, complications, surgery, and
taking her life back. My name is Frank Tabering,
and Sarah, welcome to the show. Hi, thank you
so much for having me today. And thank you for
taking the time to speak to me specifically about
your IBD journey. Let's just go straight into
it and right to the beginning. Let's start with
symptoms. What was it that, you know, happened
to you where you noticed that something was wrong,
something was off, something that prompted you
to go out and seek some medical care? very first
symptom because it was very sudden and very severe.
So I was about 15 and all of a sudden I became
really nauseous and I had thrown up like 15 times
in a day. So I went to the hospital. And was
having really horrible stomach pains. And I was
hospitalized for, I think, about three days.
And nothing came of it. They just said, oh, your
stomach hurt. Maybe you had a food infection.
And then... After that, I started having recurring
symptoms where I was having frequent bowel movements,
a lot of stomach pain, and it would come and
go. For me, for some reason, I always had flare
-ups between February and August every single
year. No doctor can explain why, but in the winter,
I was always fine, and in the summer, I would
have horrible flare -ups. And because of that,
I think no one would diagnose me with ulcerative
colitis. because ulcerative colitis usually doesn't
follow in seasonal pattern but it was never food
allergies for me and so through the years it
just kept getting worse and my symptoms would
worsen and I was in so much pain I would lose
a ton of weight when I was in my flare -ups and
that was always just really difficult for me
because I always wanted to be active and I couldn't
be active when I lose all this weight and I couldn't
eat and I was throwing up and having so many
bowel movements. So I'd go to doctors and I remember
they would tell me, oh, you just have an eating
disorder. And I didn't have an eating disorder,
but because I became really thin and I would
say I was having difficulty eating and I'm like
throwing up after eating, I had several GIs telling
me, oh, it's probably just an eating disorder.
Over the years, I had many colonoscopies when
I was in a flare and they would say that there
was mild ulceration, but it's probably just IBS.
I don't know why they would think it's just IBS
if I had ulcers. So at about 16, I basically
self -diagnosed myself with ulcerative colitis
because I just knew. Based on my symptoms and
research, I knew and I kept asking doctors to
look into it. And I kept getting the eating disorder
answer or it's just IBS. So, and then in 2021,
I went to law school in Washington, D .C. And
my second year into law school, I got appendicitis.
And when they took out the appendix and the pathology
report came back that I had a tumor in my appendix
that caused the appendicitis. So in order to
rule out that there was no cancer anywhere else
in my intestinal tract, I had another colonoscopy.
And during that colonoscopy, they diagnosed me
with ulcerative colitis, which they said there's
no more tumors, which is really exciting, but
that I did have ulcerative colitis. And that
was such a relief to hear because I knew for
so long. And I was having these horrible symptoms.
And I was so excited because now I could finally
get treatment. And I didn't know, I guess, what
ulcerative colitis could consist of other than
I was scared that I needed to manage it so I
didn't get colon cancer. But other than that,
I didn't know what it would consist of other
than needing to go to the bathroom many times
a day. Wow. A long journey before you were diagnosed.
And if I did my math right, that means that between
age 15 and age 23, you never received an official
colitis diagnosis. Am I right? Yes, and no treatment
at all. Well, that's insane. I mean, I recently
talked to somebody who made a very good point
in saying that not every GI is specializing in
IBD, right? Because, I mean, we have this...
idea of a gastroenterologist just being knowledgeable
enough to pick up on a colitis or Crohn's diagnosis
just by doing colonoscopies. So what you're saying
is that you've had several colonoscopies before
actually having another colonoscopy that gave
you the official diagnosis, right? Yes. Wow.
So you said that you sort of self -diagnosed
earlier on, which basically means that you've
certainly came in contact with the term ulcerative
colitis but when at 23 when at 23 your doctor
at that time officially handed you the diagnosis
what went through your mind because obviously
i think ulcerative colitis was not a completely
strange term to you so were you were you more
on the calmer side were you surprised like how
did you process that mentally I remember just
feeling a lot of relief that I had a name and
like a label for what I was going through because
it had been so many years of like really suffering
with these GI issues and trying so hard to find
an answer. So it kind of just felt like I was
able to, like the puzzle was finally put together.
like, just diagnosing yourself with an autoimmune
disease does not get you treatment, and I kind
of sometimes just didn't believe myself because
it would go away, and I didn't understand, like,
flare -ups that sometimes you are perfectly fine,
and then other times you're gonna shit your pants
on the way to the supermarket. So, like, I, whenever
I would, like, improve. I just like no longer
believed myself that I was sick. So getting that
diagnosis was just such a relief. And I remember
just being really excited that I was going to
be able to be treated. Absolutely. Okay, so diagnosis,
well, official diagnosis at age 23. Now take
us through the journey from there to where you
are today. That was a crazy journey. I think
it was January 2023 I was diagnosed, and then
by July 2025 I had an ostomy. So January 2023
I was put on a round of prednisone, which...
I loved because I had lost so much weight and
then I was able to eat like three pizzas in one
go. So I was like, oh, I'm going to be able to
like regain all this weight. And it was awesome.
And then I was put on mesalamine, the oral mesalamine.
So it's like the six giant pills a day. And I
had taken the mesalamine for maybe like six months.
And then I didn't realize how bad ulcerative
colitis could get, and I thought, well, I've
lived with it for this long, and I don't feel
like taking six huge pills a day. So I stopped
taking the mesalamine, which probably was not
the best decision, but I just, I didn't know
how bad it could be. And then through law school,
I think the stress just really exacerbated my
IBD, and then I So I was like in a non flare
up. I was using the bathroom probably 12 times
a day. So I'd be leaving classes coming back.
I'd probably leave each three hour class like
four times to go have a bowel movement. So that
was pretty difficult. And just through law school,
which was during my diagnosis, I just kept. deteriorating
but kind of like fighting that so that I try
to fix it with like my diet and I went on like
an anti -inflammatory diet and I tried the low
FODMAP diet and now I'm really working but then
I went into like the season where I had less
flare -ups and I started to improve a bit and
I remember my very last flare I had started around
Christmas. I had this milkshake and I remember
the milkshake just like I had the worst stomach
cramps from it. And I remember just like literally
crying on the toilet. It was so painful and horrible.
And then it never went back to normal. So then,
I mean, I think I ended up like pooping in my
pants. four times in several months when I was
out in public, which was horrible. And then I
was about to graduate law school and I was in
the worst flare up of my life. It was so painful
that I became like bedridden. And right before
graduation, I was like, I need to get through
graduation. Like, can I please have steroids?
So I got steroids that day and I started a prednisone.
So then actually the night I graduated, we went
and had this like amazing pasta dinner and I
came home and I was in so much pain that I was
like screaming and crying on my couch and in
the bathroom. So eventually I went to the hospital
because I couldn't take it anymore. Like I couldn't
eat, I couldn't drink. So that was the first
of my admissions and that was over in may um
and so i was there for a week and they started
me on remicade and so i was on remicade and iv
steroids and i started to improve so they sent
me home and then within two days i was in a ton
of pain arrived at the er like screaming and
like begging for pain medicine because I was
in so much pain so then I was admitted again
and they did an endoscopy and a colonoscopy and
then the next day I was already discharged because
I improved pretty quick that time so then I was
within a week, readmitted again, but at a different
hospital where my GI had privileges. So I thought,
maybe I'll try here because I really trust my
GI. And if his team's able to treat me, maybe
it'll be a better outcome. So within the first
two days that I was admitted there, the GI told
me that I needed to talk to the surgeon, which
was absolutely terrifying. I didn't, know what
surgery for ulcerative colitis would even be.
I was on a ton of steroids and then they did
another colonoscopy and my intestine looked terrifying
looking. Like it was so ulcerated and so far
away from what a normal colon looks like. It
looked like it was like, it was just bright red
with like a spider webs looking all through it.
It was terrifying, like Wagyu beef, basically.
It's not supposed to look like that. He told
me it was time to talk to the surgeon. She actually
gave me a really positive perspective on what
life with an ileostomy would be, about how I
would be able to do anything. My life could look
exactly the same as it does now. And obviously
some people have difficulty with the surgery
and their bodies don't react well. And you're
going to have just a range of like side effects.
And so she told me all about those. And I don't
think I spoke at all that entire first meeting
with her because I knew if I spoke, I was going
to start crying. I was just... I just, I couldn't
speak because I didn't want to cry in front of
someone I just met. And it was just so much and
so difficult. But I was admitted for 12 days,
that admission. And she came, I think, eight
or nine of those days. And we would meet almost
every day and talk about my questions about the
surgery. That was extremely helpful. I was able
to like build this really wonderful bond with
the colorectal surgeon. But I ended up leaving
the hospital that time because once again, I
improved. And so I was like, wow, it was amazing
meeting this doctor, but I hope I never see her
again. And then within two days, I had... it's
like 104 fever I couldn't stand with like without
almost fainting and the pain was so bad I remember
I called my mom and said that we need to get
in contact with the surgeon because I wanted
to rip out my colon myself so because I was I
couldn't even drink water and my heart rate was
so high and had a fever so I went back to the
hospital under the advisement of my GI and he
said there's no other options. We need to get
you back to the hospital and you need to have
surgery. So then I went back to the hospital
and I was too unstable to operate on immediately.
So I got a PICC line with the TPN nutrition and
I was on that for a few days to help me like
regain some strength since I hadn't ate pretty
much in weeks because Every time I'd talk to
the doctor and I was hospitalized, they'd put
me on NPO. So I probably only ate a few times
within a month. So I was back in the hospital
and we're like planning on a surgery date and
just getting all my vitals under control. And
then finally on July 5th, 2024, I got my ostomy.
And I remember I was very excited because I'd
I just remember I was going to wake up and be
pain -free, which is not exactly what happens
after abdominal surgery, but you don't have ulcerative
colitis pain. So there's, you know, win some,
lose some there. Wow. So you prefaced your answer
by saying it was quite the journey. So yeah,
it definitely sounded like quite the journey.
We always say, let's not dwell on the past, you
know, life moves on. let's accept the past as
it is but as humans we we cannot help but sometimes
being pulled back by regrets right or or nostalgia
in this case you know i i want to focus more
on regrets and you looking back now do you think
that potentially today you could still have a
colon or relatively healthy colon had you not
stopped medication on your own accord i thought
about that a lot when right before surgery and
the months after surgery. And I'm not sure. I
think it is definitely possible I wouldn't have
needed an ostomy because maybe I could have stayed
in remission and my colon gotten healthier because
I know that does happen for many people that
they're able to manage well with medications.
I thought about that a lot and then I realized,
well, I can't really go back. And I hated, I
think what made me feel better is I hated the
pills and managing an ostomy is easier than managing
those pills was, at least my ostomy. So I think
that's how it made me feel a little bit better
since I can't go back is realizing I'd rather
change a bag than... Take six giant pills. I
think for me, I no longer feel regret. I definitely
felt a lot of regret in the beginning because
I think, at least for me, the news of meeting
an ostomy and then relearning how to do life
in the beginning was very difficult, just mentally.
It's a huge life change. Your body completely
changes. It's not the body you've always been
seeing. A stoma looks a little scary at first
until you're used to it because your brain's
not used to being able to see an intestine. So
that's a terrifying thing to see. So I think
with all those things, I did feel a lot of regret
because I wanted my body to be how it was before.
I think after a while, I just really grown to
love my ostomy and my life with my ostomy. And
I've never in my life been this healthy. I'm
able to be so active because I don't have the
fatigue from ulcerative colitis. I'm never worried
that I'm going to like poop my pants while doing
something. I'm not in pain ever. It's insane
to have gone. over a year, like a year and a
half almost now without any intestinal pain,
that is just mind blowing for me. I haven't experienced
that since I can't remember much of how my stomach
felt before 15. So I just, what I do remember
is the many hours I sat on the toilet and in
pain. So I think just now focusing more on my
life with my ostomy helps a lot. And so I no
longer feel regret. But I definitely did in the
beginning when I was just working through all
the feelings with getting an ostomy. Sure. Absolutely.
Absolutely. So you've grown as a person and you've
grown to accept your fate in a sense. You touched
on it. So we're right at the present now. You're
living with an ostomy. There's a misconception
sometimes that having surgery is a cure, right?
And a lot of people with ostomies, they still
occasionally experience symptoms. I mean, sometimes
more with Crohn's than with colitis potentially.
Tell us now, how are you feeling today? Do you
have any challenges in terms of just purely medically?
Because I mean, living with a stomach can present
its own little challenges here and there. But
so just medically, physically, what's your life
like right now post -surgery? So medically, I
do not have any problems currently. Right after
surgery, I did have a lot of complications, which
we can, we can touch on that next. But present
tense, I don't have any, any issues. I mean,
I have no recurrence of my ulcerative colitis.
I have no other The extra intestinal manifestations,
I haven't personally dealt with any of those.
For me, it's just given me a lot of physical
strength and stamina. So, like, tomorrow I'm
actually running a 10 -mile race. I wasn't able
to run before getting an ostomy, and now I can
run for 10 miles straight, which is really exciting
for me. And other things, I'm able to hike long
distances and do things that are very physically
challenging without it being extremely taxing
on my body. Before I got my ostomy, if I was
even like had prolonged stress, like for even
an exam, I would get like flu -like symptoms.
And I used to call it like fake sick. So anytime
I was stressed, I would get fake sick. And I
haven't gotten fake sick in over a year. So I
think, at least for me personally, it's only
brought like positive physical health. So I'm
correct to assess then that. having a surgery
and living with an ostomy gave you your life
back, right? Yeah. Yeah, it gave me a life I
didn't know I could have. And so obviously the
idea here is to break down the stigmas of fear
surrounding surgeries. A lot of people who have
not had surgeries yet, right, but may not have
a choice moving forward. You did say you had
some complications, and I want to talk to you
about those because, you know, I think it's part
of the journey. And again, this is not to scare
other people, but it doesn't mean that it happens
to everybody either, right? But yeah, take us
a little bit through then how your journey evolved
right after surgery, before you arrive at the
present day where you actually feel really great.
So I, right after surgery, I think within a week,
I hadn't been discharged yet because I got an
ileus, which is basically where part of your
intestine is paralyzed. The gut motility stops.
And so you're more prone to a blockage. So some
food I had ate wasn't able to pass because my
intestines were not moving. So I ended up with
a blockage. And... They tried to irrigate it
through the stoma. So they would stick like a
catheter into the stoma, which doesn't hurt at
all. There's like some slight pressure as if
someone's pressing on your stomach, but it's
not painful. And they would put water into it
and then pull the water back out to try to pull
the blockage. That was able to relieve some of
the pressure for me. I would get that done like
twice a day, but it was not clearing the blockage
at all. And then I think it was about seven days
post -surgery, I spiked a fever and my heart
rate was extremely high. I think it was like
while I was trying to sleep, it was at 150. which
it should not be at 150 when you're at complete
rest. So one of the nurses called a rapid code
and that was quite terrifying because there was
like 30 people in my room in the span of a minute
all of a sudden. And then I think I got a CT
scan that showed my bowel had perforated. where
the blockage was, which is what caused the heart
rate and fever. So the next day I had a resection
of that part of my intestine, which luckily it
was a part of my intestine closest to my stoma.
So they didn't have to reconnect any bowel. They
ended up just, I don't know how to describe it,
but I guess pulling the stoma out with that part
of the intestine and then making a new stoma.
So then after that, I was doing really well.
I think a week or two after that, I went home.
And then within 24 hours, I spiked a really high
heart rate again and had, I think, 103 fever.
And that was really confusing because I had been
doing really well for days. But all of a sudden...
I was not good. And then I had to take an ambulance
to the hospital because I couldn't stand up.
If I tried to stand, I felt like I was going
to faint. And I think I would have if I tried
to stand for too long. So I didn't feel safe,
my family taking me to the hospital. So we took
an ambulance. And due to my symptoms, they said
I had severe sepsis, which I'm still not sure
if they ruled that out or not because my chart
is all over the place. So I potentially had severe
sepsis and due to my symptoms and the CT scan
that had said suddenly all of my intestines were
inflamed. that the CT technician thought I had
Crohn's and I've never had a history of Crohn's,
but because everything that was left was inflamed,
my surgeon said we needed to immediately go into
surgery to just see what's going on. So the original
plan was to just pop a camera in there and see
what's going on. And so it was going to be just
a laparoscopic exploratory surgery, but they
couldn't fit the camera in my abdomen because
the pressure was so high that I ended up with
a full laparotomy, which is like, now it's like
a six inch scar, not maybe longer, but they opened
me up. And as soon as I was open, they said my
heart rate started to decrease. And based on
those symptoms, it looked like abdominal compartment
syndrome caused by post -colectomy panenteritis.
And they found no cause. There was no cause whatsoever
for this inflammation, even though they checked
all of my intestines. So they ended up leaving
me open. And put me on a ventilator in the ICU
for a few days so that my abdomen could decompress.
And then I had two more surgeries to slowly close
up my abdomen after. So my second complication,
I guess, was just a lot of inflammation and pressure
that had built up in my abdomen. And they don't
know why. There's only been a few cases of this.
Although it was really scary and I think it sounds
really scary for someone going into surgery,
this is not something that happens often whatsoever.
It was very rare and very confusing even for
the doctors. But luckily they, you know, were
able to figure out how to treat it. And other
than needing to be on a ventilator for a few
days, which I was awake and that was not fun.
In the end, it ended up being okay. And I'm very
thankful for the doctors I had. You paid quite
a hefty price to get to where you are today,
obviously, based on just listening to you. So
now I'm really interested in hearing you explain
to me how you stayed sane mentally throughout
those surgeries, hospital stays. the complications
and not just staying sane mentally, but how did
you manage to hold on to hope that you would
get better, that, you know, you would actually
pull through and, well, walk again, right? Like,
how did you deal with this? Where did you get
the strength from? So in my surgeries before
the final set of them were, I needed to be on
a ventilator in the ICU. I had a lot of hope.
And I just like, it never crossed my mind that
I wouldn't be okay. And I think I was just so
excited for what my new life was going to be.
And there's a lot of free time when you're sitting
in the hospital. And so I kind of just planned
out activities I was going to do when I was better.
I mean, I had planned like I wanted to dye my
hair even, like little things, like go to a park
with my friends. spend time with my dog again
because I couldn't see my dog when I was in the
hospital. So I just kept making plans for after,
even though I ended up having to cancel all of
those plans because I didn't realize how long
it would take to recover from surgery. But it
did help me a lot to continue to make all of
these plans. But even during that time, it was
still really hard because No matter how often
your family and friends visit you, you're so
isolated because you're stuck in the hospital.
And it's so hard to just be stuck and have basically
nothing to do until someone comes and visits
you again. And so that would really get to me
and all of the days kind of run together. And
somehow they eventually start going very quickly.
So I woke up, ate breakfast, and then it somehow
felt like it's already 4 p .m. And I'm like,
well, I haven't gotten to do anything today.
But you can't do anything. So when it's three
months of that, it really gets into your head.
But then... After the last three surgeries and
after I had been on a ventilator, I honestly
did lose all of the strength I had to continue
fighting. It was really scary for me to be on
a ventilator. And after I was taken off, I was
actually hallucinating for a few days. So anytime
I closed my eyes, I... would like start to see
like figures like even if I blinked for too long
so then I stopped sleeping until they were able
to give me like sedatives so then being like
sleep deprived and like in a ton of pain I just
kind of like lost all the strength and I was
like crying all the time I was I was honestly
really struggling so I think I remember like
thinking back to then All my friends were texting
me that I'm so strong. And I just remember thinking,
but, like, I'm not. Like, at that point, it felt
like my doctors were really strong. Like, they
were the ones fighting. I was just there. And
they kept fighting for me. So I am very thankful
for... Also my family and friends who continued
to check on me and support me during that time
because it felt like it was my medical team and
my support system who were the ones who were
strong and who were fighting for me when I no
longer could. And yet you did in your own way
because I always say those around us, they...
Help us with the strength, but you yourself,
your mental capacity, your body, you're certainly
contributing, right? Yeah. Now, symptoms at 15,
diagnosis at 23, surgery, ostomy today. You were
very young, so you went through all of this while
you're growing up to a crucial stage in your
life, right? Teenage years and then becoming
an adult. Looking back. at this quite extensive,
quite hard journey, how has your IBD changed
you as a person, you think? It's given me a lot
of perspective on life. And I think also like
resilience, just in like my daily life things,
because nothing I go through feels as bad as
what... IBD has put me through so I just feel
like I'm able to get through those things because
I've already been through worse and I think it's
also on the funny side it's giving me a great
sense of humor I think it's like just really
been able allowed well that's not allowed me
but made me be very comfortable with myself because
the choices were either be very uncomfortable
with myself or to be extremely comfortable with
myself. And my brain ended up choosing the latter.
So I am the friend who everyone comes to to talk
about their poop. So my friends who do not have
IBD, don't have any kind of stomach problems,
they will tell me about when they've had a weird
poop, when their stomach hurts, just about poop
in general. So I just make people feel very comfortable
about it. And so I get the extremely TMI conversations
with my friends. And I think I do appreciate
that it's made people feel comfortable with vulnerable
topics with me. But I guess on the negative side,
it has, for like many years, it made body image
very difficult. Because... I always wanted to
be like strong in the gym and to like gain weight.
And then every time I would have a flare up,
I'd lose all of the strength and I would get
really thin. And for some reason, my brain decided
to think that when I lost weight, I was no longer
lovable. So then it just felt... Like I was in
this cycle of like trying so hard to like feel
like my body was like physically like pretty
enough for to be lovable. But then my body would
betray me and I would lose all that weight and
then no longer feel lovable again. And then I'd
feel like I would need to hide. And I think there's
like, you know, obviously there is so much of,
you know, people want to lose weight and like
being thin isn't seen as a bad thing. But then
I think when you're sickly thin, it's a little
bit different. And I was always looking sickly
thin where I have friends who Well, not friends,
but people in school who tell me to eat a burger
and my little brother as a joke would call me
like Skeletor, which I love him and that's fine.
I think just little siblings bully you, but stuff
like that. And then I remember I would have like
previous boyfriends when I was younger who would
tell me I should just like gain weight and like
have curves like the other girls. But then I
would get sick and lose all of my weight and
then I couldn't. So I was really mad at my body.
for a long time because I felt like it was keeping
me from being lovable. On your Instagram feed,
you once made a post, I think not too long ago,
where you described a few statements. And if
you're okay with it, I'm going to read you about
four of these. And I would like to get a very
brief perspective because it's one thing for
us to write something, but then I think it's
a different thing of... hearing basically what
we once wrote, right? Coming back to us when
somebody else read it. So I'm going to read each
one, but we're going to do it one by one. And
you just give me sort of like your quick short
insight into what you feel and how you feel about
those today. All right? Okay. The first one you
wrote, having a leostomy doesn't stop me from
anything. And I feel like that one is still...
true for me. I can't think of any time after
I recovered from surgery, because recovering
from surgery is something completely on its own,
but there hasn't been anything it's stopped me
from doing. I'm actually able to do so much more
than I was able to before. I mean, with activities,
with work, making new friends, intimacy, there's
been nothing it's stopped me personally from
being able to do. That's great. The second one,
you talked about it at great length. And I think
what you said is great. So I'm going to read
it, but no need to comment. We can skip because
you mentioned it. I'm still lovable. You definitely
talked about that one. So let's get to the next
one. I am not the sick friend. I wrote that one
because before surgery, I was so scared of being
the sick friend. I didn't want, when I was at
a gathering of people, to be the person that
they were like, oh, we can't do things because
of Sarah. Or like, Sarah is a problem. Because
she's disabled, which is a horrible way of thinking.
But I was scared. I was, I can't control the
way people think. And this is the way some people
do think. So I was so scared that people weren't
going to want to be around me because I was going
to be the sick friend. And I realized before
surgery that one, I already was the sick friend.
I mean, I was always needing to use the bathroom.
I was always sick because of IBD, even if it
was like fake sick. And so I always had to cancel
plans because I wasn't feeling good. So my therapist
was the one who told me, but Sarah, you already
are the sick friend. And that call out kind of
made me feel a little better because I realized
everyone in my life does still love me, even
though I have always canceled plans. I've always
needed accommodations for our hangouts or to
find the nearest bathroom. Like, our activities
would be suddenly stopped because we need to
emergently find a restroom or, like, I need to
go to the restroom in someone's front lawn, which
has happened multiple times. So, even though
all of... that has happened. I've never lost
a friend from it. And it's, for me, it's only
created funny stories with my friends or like
bonded us. So I think realizing like, even though
I was the sick friend, it didn't change the way
people loved me. And so I think that statement
is that Even if I am the sick friend, no one
sees me as the sick friend. Like that's not my
identity to my friends. I am just their friend.
Last one, you wrote, my body is not ruined. I
was also really worried about that one before
surgery. I, as someone who before surgery was
in a really toxic cycle with my body and never
happy with my body. I just thought that this
was going to make me so ugly and it was going
to ruin my body and I was never going to look
pretty again. And then I will, before surgery,
I was also talking to my therapist about it and
we were talking about how all of the different
things in life. how your body will change. So
as I get older and have different experiences,
have kids, get injured at some point, my body
is going to constantly be changing. And that
doesn't mean it's becoming ruined. And I think
now when I look at my body, I don't view it negatively
ever. I... I like my laparotomy scar. Now I think
it looks cool because now when I'm in the gym,
I don't have abs, but I have a really cool scar
when I'm in a sports bra. And I think that looks
cool. And now when I look at my bag or I have
the top of my bag out when I'm wearing certain
pants, I don't ever look in the mirror and think,
oh, my body's ruined now. kind of view it almost
like an accessory like to me i think it makes
my body look cool and it's different and but
not in a bad way so most of these statements
all these statements still feel true to you now
which is really really great i think what you
just said about your body and your ostomy and
what it looks like today. I think that's a really
positive and a hopeful message. And of course,
we want to always end on a hopeful note. But
before we end, before we actually also look into
the future, I want to travel back in time with
you one last time. And I want you to tell me,
and you can pick either one, either pick diagnosis
day, the official diagnosis when you were 23,
or you can pick the 15 -year -old you when the
symptoms started. So pick one of the two and
then tell me if you could speak to yourself at
15 or at 23, what would you say? I think I'd
pick the 15 year old me. And I would want to
tell her that she's going to go through a lot,
but she's also going to learn a lot through it.
And even though there's going to be a lot of
ups and downs. It's really going to be a journey
and there's so much that's going to come from
it. So everything she will go through has a purpose
and will help her become the best version of
herself that she'll reach later on. Sound advice.
I like the way you put that. So now that we've
looked in the past one more time, let's look
into the future. This is a tough one to answer,
but everybody sort of has at least a feeling
about this one. And that's why I like to keep
asking it. And that is, do you think we will
see a cure to IBD in our lifetime? I don't. There
are so many different causes of IBD, it seems.
And I think maybe we'll be able to cure some
of them by figuring out what the root of it is.
But I don't think there'll ever be a one -size
-fits -all cure. So I'm honestly not sure. I
have a feeling that no, only because IBD is so
different for so many people and can be caused
by so many things. But I do think like with research,
maybe some of the reasons that IBD... comes about
maybe they'll be able to find a cure for those
that's a good way to put it so sarah your story
is definitely one of resilience but also a very
deep introspection so i want to thank you so
much for taking the time today to share your
journey a lot of inspiration to find in there
and i'm very happy that you are at a stage now
where you were able to reclaim your life and
I wish you nothing but the best moving forward.
And thank you again for being with us today.
Thank you. And thank you for letting me talk
shit with you. That's it for today's episode
of Colitis Unfiltered. I'm Frank Klebring. And
if this hit home or hit your gut, do us a favor.
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inspiring stories from the bathroom floor.