and welcome to another episode of the Parapie
Podcast. To my TikTok family, welcome to the
Parapie Podcast. This is where we focus on those
childhood traumas, healing those inner wounds,
all that and more. Today, we are on our third
part of our inner work series. Our first part
was reparenting ourselves. Our second part was
ignoring that inner critic and listening to our
true voice. And tonight, our final part is people
pleasing. So again, TikTok, if you would like
to see the visuals and the graphics and everything
like that, head over to the Parapy Podcast channel
on YouTube, or you can go to the Parapy Facebook
page, and you can see it there. Really, let's
go to YouTube. Let's get them watch ours. If
you feel compelled to on the Facebook site, send
stars. Notice the little cash app link along
the bottom. Feel free to donate. And again, I
want to thank everybody for tapping in, comment,
interact with me. I read the comments. I try
to get to them as quickly as I can. But let's
go ahead and let's get started. I hope you guys
are ready. So let me ask you something. Have
you ever said, sure, when your entire soul was
screaming absolutely not, or agreed to help somebody,
then immediately regretted it the moment you
hung up the phone? Yeah. Welcome to the world
of people pleasing, where everyone is happy and
you're quietly exhausted. Today, we are getting
into something deep, but necessary. People pleasing
is self -abandonment, not kindness, not generosity,
not just being nice. Sometimes it's you leaving
yourself behind to keep other people comfortable
and maybe we're not doing that anymore. So let's
break it down. For those of us who don't know
what people pleasing is, here's what it actually
looks like. Because sometimes it's not always
obvious, right? It's not always right in our
face of what people pleasing is. Sometimes it
looks like saying yes when you want to say no,
over explaining your boundaries, apologizing
for things that aren't your fault, avoiding conflict
at all costs, constantly worrying about what
people think. and changing your personality depending
on who you're around, or my personal favorite,
volunteering your soul for stress you never signed
up for. Hey family, thanks for joining in. You
ever been in a group chat, like they say, who
can help move on a Saturday? And before your
brain even processes the request you type, I
can help. Now it's Friday night. It's last minute
and you're sitting here like what did I just
do? Why did I just say yes, right? So let's kind
of dive into why people become people pleasers.
So here's the real key. Most people, most people
pleasing doesn't start in adulthood. It actually
starts in childhood. If you grew up in environments
where love felt conditional, Peace depended on
your behavior, conflict felt unsafe, or you had
to be the good one or the peacemaker, you developed
people pleasing. You learned something very powerful
at a young age. You learned that keeping others
happy keeps you safe. So now your brain thinks
disappointing people equals danger. Even if the
danger is just someone being annoyed, your nervous
system doesn't know the difference. So it says,
quick, fix it, make them happy, even if it costs
you your peace. That's something we're no longer
doing. We learn that as children, we learn that
as adolescents that in order to keep the peace
in our households, we had to suffer. abide by
what was going on to keep people quiet, to keep
the household at peace. Thanks for the gifts
that I'm getting. I appreciate it. Thanks, guys.
Again, I'm new to the TikTok side. So if you're
sending things, I appreciate it. I really do
appreciate it. I'm trying to understand that.
So thank y 'all. Keep tapping the screen, keep
commenting. Let me know you're in here and I'll
interact with you guys. So now, our brain thinks
disappointing people is dangerous. We think that
the danger is someone being annoyed with us because
we aren't giving them what they want. So let's
go ahead and we're gonna jump into segment three.
The hitting cost of people pleasing. So here's
what people don't talk about. People pleasing
has consequences. And I mean real consequences.
It can lead to burnout. resentment, anxiety,
losing your sense of identity, feeling invisible
in relationships. Man, I be feeling all of this.
I don't know about you, but Ms. Mom is here.
I be feeling all of this. I feel the burnout.
I feel the resentment. I can feel the anxiety.
I can feel in those relationships where I'm losing
my sense of identity because I'm not. standing
firm in my boundaries, or telling that person,
no. When you constantly prioritize everyone else,
you stop asking yourself one important question.
What do I actually want? And the scariest part?
Eventually, you may not even know the answer
because you spent so long adjusting yourself
for everyone else. So what is it that you want?
What is it that you want for you? So here's a
little reality check. Let's be honest for a second.
People -pleasers are some of the nicest people
in the world. But sometimes we be out here running
a charity organization. Nobody asked us to start.
We legit give our support. free labor, therapy
sessions, life advice, all while our own battery
is at 1%. Check on your strong friends. We're
not always strong. We battle things secretly
and internally. Because we don't want to put
no more on you than what you're going through
But we cross our own boundaries to help you and
we neglect ourselves Meanwhile the people that
we're bending over backwards for you. They are
sleeping peacefully They're living their best
life not even realizing we're stressed We are
hanging on by a thread and we're doing that That
little nervous laugh when people are asking us
how are you wherever there? I'm fine All good
things my road is just crashing down around me.
But yes, I can help you Yes, I can give my bottom
dollar to you and then the next week when I need
yours Where is it? The next the the next meal
that I need and I need you to cover where are
you? crazy work how we how we decide to please
others and how we go above and beyond for others,
because that's all we know. We started doing
that as children. Like I said, people pleasing
starts at a young age. We started doing that
with our parents, with our moms, with our dads,
seeking the approval for them and then not getting
that approval, which caused us to seek it more,
try to get it more. So then as adults, we try
to seek the approval in our partners, in our
friendships, on our jobs. So we go above and
beyond what is required, what is necessary, and
we burn ourselves out every time. So how does
people pleasing disconnect you from yourself?
Let's talk about it. People pleasing slowly disconnects
you from your voice. It disconnects you from
your boundaries, your needs and your truth. Because
every time you silence yourself to keep someone
else comfortable, you send a message to yourself.
My needs are less important. And if you repeat
that message enough times, it comes to a belief.
That hit. I'm sorry. I don't know about you But
that hit me Let me say something important to
y 'all Your needs matter If you don't remember
nothing from the parapet podcast to my tiktok
side that is just joining in if you don't believe
nothing else Your needs matter Your boundaries
matter. Your comfort matters too. You're not
wrong for wanting to please people. Where you're
wrong at is neglecting who you are to please
people. Where you're going wrong at is neglecting
the boundaries that you have put up to keep you
safe. And you cross those boundaries to make
another person, another place, another thing,
another noun, adjective, adverb, make them happy.
You don't have to do that. Your comfort matters.
Your boundaries matter. Your needs matter. Now,
I want everybody. Grab your Parapy Journal. So
to my TikTok side, and yes to my TikTok side,
welcome to the Parapy Podcast again. We have
Parapy Journals. The Facebook side knows about
it and the YouTube side knows about it. You get
your Parapy Journal and you get your Parapy Pen.
This is our time where we have the healing meet
the hustle. Hang on, I got a little banner for
it. It's somewhere. Oh, Sin Stars. But now it's
time for the healing to meet the hustle. Let
me get the banner out. And again, if you would
like to see the graphics, you can join in on
the YouTube side at the Parapy Podcast YouTube.
So here we go. Grab your Parapy Journal, grab
your pen, grab your line. It's time for the healing
to meet the hustle. So here are some practical
tips to stop people pleasing. Because awareness
is step one, but action is step two. Tip number
one, you are going to take a pause before answering.
Stop responding immediately. Give yourself space.
Instead of saying yes right away, try saying
let me think about it or I'll get back to you.
That pause gives your brain time to think and
time to ask, do I really want to do this? Do
I really want to be bothered with this person?
Do I really want to take time out of my day to
do this? So again, tip number one was pause before
answering. Tip number two, practice small boundaries.
You don't have to start with a huge confrontations.
Start small. Start by saying things like, I can't
make it today. Without writing a five paragraph
explanation, you don't owe everybody a TED Talk.
You don't owe everybody an explanation. You don't
owe everybody a sentence. You could just simply
say no. You don't have to explain your reasoning
why. You don't want to do it. It is what it is.
That's not your cup of tea. You don't like it.
That is okay. That's fine. Tip number three.
Accept that disappointment is normal. Ooh, that's
a heavy tip. So you're going to want to accept
that disappointment is normal. Some people will
be disappointed. You cannot please everybody,
and that's okay. Disappointment is not rejection.
It's not abandonment. It's just part of being
human. You are not... responsible for managing
everyone's emotions. Again, you can't please
everybody. You simply can't. It's hard to please
everybody. It's really hard. Shout out to my
TikTokers. We hit a flash goal. I love that for
us. Yes. Okay. I'm liking that for us. Shout
out to y 'all. Keep going. Keep hitting that.
Tip number four, we're going to check in with
yourself regularly. So you're going to ask yourself,
What do I need right now? Am I doing this out
of love or fear? Am I showing up for others but
abandoning myself? Self -awareness is the beginning
of self -respect. Self -awareness is the beginning
of self -respect. So you need to be aware of
yourself, your needs, and what you're lacking.
So again, those questions are what do I need
right now? For me, I need a drink. I need some
wine. Am I doing this out of love or am I doing
it out of fear? Am I doing it out of because
I want to keep the peace so I'm letting it slide?
Or am I doing it because I'm okay with it? And
a lot of the times we say that within our relationship
arguments. For me, I do this a lot. I will okay
somebody and knock it off and apologize just
to keep the peace. And I could be nowhere near
in the wrong. I could be dead ass right. How
I'm feeling is how I'm feeling. But if my partner,
if me and them aren't getting along and because
I'm not a confrontational person or because I
suffer from people pleasing, the first thing
I'm going to do is I'm going to be like, okay,
so I apologize. I shouldn't have did this. I
shouldn't have did that. I'm finding the fault
that I did when really I didn't do anything.
I'm wasting my apology. So that is a major form
of people pleasing. And it's because it's because
I'm not doing the argument due justice by apologizing
out of love. I'm apologizing out of fear. I'm
apologizing out of this is going to go bad where
I'm getting ready to get abandoned. So instead
of being abandoned, let me go ahead and fix it.
So audience engagement question. I want you guys
in the comments on both on all four platforms
tonight. Oh, that's so good to say. We're on
four platforms. We're on TikTok, Facebook, YouTube
and Twitch on all four platforms tonight. Comment
your answers below. I want to hear from you.
What's one situation where you tend to people
please the most? Is it with your family, work,
friendships, or relationships? Go ahead and put
that in the comments. What's one relationship
where you tend to people please the most? Family,
work, friendships, relationships. And if you
don't want to comment, that's totally fine. But
take a mental note of it. Then I want you to
ask yourself this question. What would it look
like if you chose yourself in that moment instead?
Ask yourself that. What would it look like if
you chose you in that moment instead? How does
that feel to know that you could have chose you
in that moment? But instead you chose someone
else you chose their needs over yours or you
chose to satisfy let's let's change that you
chose to satisfy their needs over yours you chose
to say Forget how I'm feeling. It's all about
you How does that feel? To know that? Because
when I read this the first time it rocked my
road, I'm not even going to hold you. I felt
like, oh, baby girl was down bad. I'm talking
bad. I mean, crying, reading over this and getting
this ready for y 'all. It was a lot. And for
me personally, where I do the most people pleasing
is with family. I'm gonna be the first to say
it. Family and friendships, it's a double win
for me. It's family and friendships. Family because
I feel like for me at the end of the day, they're
family. So you don't, they're a lot harder to
say no to. They're a lot harder to put the boundaries
up. But as I get older, as I get wiser, as I
do these inner work series and inner work help,
I'm realizing that it's okay to tell family no
even the intermediate family it's okay to put
that boundary up and to protect your peace and
protect how you're feeling that's totally okay
that's totally okay because as i'm learning and
as i'm going through this healing thing of life
i'm the prize in my life I'm the prize and anybody
else's life that I come in contact with. That's
me. And anybody is deserving of having me. Anybody
who has me or who gets to experience my kindness
and experience me as a person is definitely winning.
Winning. Top tier. Winning the prize. But it
took me a minute to get here. It took me a minute
to realize that the people pleasing is not prize
worthy. The people pleasing actually tarnishes
the prize. You wanna know why? Because you diminish
yourself to please others. You drop yourself
below the standard to please others. Your standard
should be up here of who you are. And I tell
all my girls, especially my young girlies, the
young girls are coming up. Proverbs 31 tells
us that our price is far above rubies. We are
far above rubies. But when you people please
and when you let everybody touch that ruby and
tarnish that ruby and smudge that ruby, you diminish
who you are. You diminish your value. You're
diminishing your price because you're neglecting
yourself. We got to stop that. We're worth more
than that. We're better than that. And we can
be better than that. So with that being said,
it is my favorite time of the night. Love this
time of the podcast. It is time for a pair formation.
So again, if you want to see the graphics, you
can go over to the YouTube side on the Parapie
podcast and see the graphics. But it's time for
pair formations. Pair formations are affirmations,
Parapie style. So let's go ahead and let's dive
on into them. So I want you guys to repeat after
me. Of course, I'm not gonna be able to hear
you. But hey, let's just go ahead and do it.
Shout out to Akilah on the Facebook side for
sending a star. Shout out to Kim in the comments.
Tell my team, baby, because I don't know. And
she also said relationships is where she's people
pleasing a lot. Shout out to people who are commenting
on the Facebook side. Shout out to people on
the TikTok side who are sending gifts, who are
hearting the live. Make sure you double tap the
screen. Make sure you follow us on YouTube. Facebook
and Twitch. You can also find the audio to this
next day on Apple Podcasts, Spotify Podcasts,
our Heart Radio Podcasts, anywhere where podcasts
are distributed. Guess what? We're there. Alrighty,
let's go ahead and let's knock out these pair
of formations. The first one is, I am allowed
to say no without guilt. My boundaries protect
my peace. I do not have to abandon myself to
be loved. Disappointing others does not make
me a bad person. I am learning to choose myself
without an apology. And lastly, my needs deserve
space in every room I enter. Ooh, we got some
good ones tonight. Go ahead and collect those.
Go ahead and collect those pair of formations.
I'll repeat those. So the first one is I am allowed
to say no without guilt. My boundaries protect
my peace. I do not have to abandon myself to
be loved. Disappointing others does not make
me a bad person. And I am learning to choose
myself without apology. And lastly, my needs
deserve space in every room I enter. That last
one just really like, that last one just hits
for me. So before we close out, and before we
do our close out message, we do have some advertisements,
Parapy style. So our first advertisement and
again to see these graphics head on over to the
YouTube side I'm gonna give a shout -out to knucklehead
clothing. They are the proud sponsor of the Parapie
podcast You can get your knucklehead clothing
at www .knuckleheadclothing .com again, that's
www .NAKOLHEAD and make sure you stay driven
as you order yourself some knucklehead clothing.
Our next announcement here, we got the couch
talk couch fest Sunday, April 19th, 6pm. They
are taking, hang on, let me move that banner.
Okay. They are accepting bookings for artists
now. So again, if you need to book your artists
or if you would like to book your artists, if
someone can tag Smurf in the comments, that would
be greatly appreciated on Facebook. The couch
fest, he is accepting artists bookings for performances,
podcast bookings for live streamers. Just reach
out to him and get on the show for April the
19th. That is at 6pm with the location to be
announced. Next, my favorite event is coming
up, the Kansas City podcast convention number
five from 2 p .m. to 6 p .m. Central Standard
Time, March 22nd at the Royal Mansion in Kansas
City. It is hosted by the Get It Off Your Chest
podcast and the Everybody Loves Ross podcast.
You'll see myself therapy, Treat Me Crazy, popular
ignorance, Jessica's Edelpoor Treats. You'll
see creative treasures in there as well in a
fatty food. You'll see them as well as vendors
and a whole bunch of more people there. Nucklehead
clothing will be there as a vendor. Come out,
support. Ball out. Black on the event. Let's
do it. Let's do it. And ball out on your girl.
Treat Me Crazy will be there with the treats.
And we got a couple surprises for you this year
with our treats. But I'm not going to give too
much information out. Come out. Let's see what
we have in shock. Our next pair of ties meant
scary Perry podcast for the TikTok viewers, the
scary Perry podcast is a podcast about true crime.
This for the next four to six weeks, we are going
into our mini series about cults and cult leaders.
Our first cult leader that we're diving into
tomorrow with Mila will be Jim Jones and we're
talking the Jones massacre. We're talking about
psychological control. charismatic manipulation,
the rise and the fall of certain empires and
cult empires and what it takes to be a cult leader.
And then hopefully towards the end of the month,
we'll have attorney Michael come back and he's
going to let us know how as an attorney, how
do we try when cult leaders have to go on trial?
How do they do that as an attorney? And what
are some of the things that they ask and things
like that concerning the trial? So be on the
lookout for that. And lastly, the Perry team
management family is looking for sponsors. Our
Misadventures of Snead podcast, The Academy KC
podcast, Scary Perry podcast, The Parapy podcast,
Popular Ignorance, and Pear Bear Child Care.
We are all looking for sponsors. If you are interested
in sponsoring an episode or just getting, you
know, you want to make a donation to the business
and to the brand, you can DM me on TikTok at
Parapy. You can DM me on Facebook at Perry Thompson
or on YouTube messages or on Twitch or on Instagram
at Perry team management underscore. Alrighty,
that was a mouthful and I am tired. Let's go
ahead and let's close this out. Here's the truth.
Being kind. is beautiful. Being generous is powerful.
But sacrificing yourself for approval, that's
not love. That's survival. And you deserve relationships
where you can show up fully without shrinking,
without pretending, without abandoning yourself.
because healing sometimes looks like this. It
looks like choosing your peace over people pleasing.
I want to thank you guys for tuning in tonight's
episode of Paraphy. I want to thank the TikTok
side for joining in and joining out for those
of you guys who sent likes, who sent gifts, who
stayed and watched the whole show. I appreciate
you for being a part of the show. Tune in next
week. As we dive into another mini series, this
mini series that we're going to dive into deals
with attachment styles. So I'm ready to go ahead
and break down and see what attachment style
I got. My bad, in advance, I'm sorry. But all
right, I hope you guys have a wonderful night.
Again, thanks for tuning in. And thanks so much
for being the best parapet. fan base that I could
possibly have. I genuinely appreciate all you
guys for tapping in. I genuinely appreciate y
'all commenting and being a part of the show.
And until next time, I'll see you guys tomorrow
for Scary Perry. TikTok, I'll see you next week.
Actually, no, TikTok, I'll see you Friday for
morning Parapy sessions. And Facebook, if you
guys want extra behind the scenes Parapy, head
on over to the TikTok page, follow me at Parapy,
and you guys get the extra live sessions there.
See ya. Bye.