I gotta be honest, after my brief stint as a
viral sensation, it felt really good to crawl
back into my recording booth and pretend the
internet didn't exist. What a week. One minute
I'm excited to go to a work conference and read
horny werepanther scenes to my adoring smutty
lit fans, and the next, Jake Fisher is knocking
on my hotel room door. Then my voice becomes
trending audio on TikTok. Then that audio gets
remixed into a club banger. Then the remix hits
the Spotify top 10 and somehow I end up on the
Today Show sitting next to Jake Fisher and two
guys in bucket hats who turned my live read into
a thirst trap anthem. And it just kept getting
better. Jake Fisher was in talks with the movie
people about being in the film version of Midnight
Darkness. My contract with the author was extended.
Everything was coming up Shannon. Even if I was
a D -list celebrity now, I would never forget
about my favorite project, My Sister's Love Live.
Time to turn my attention back to Claire and
Tony and see what Brian and I could cook up to
get these two crazy kids together. This will
-they -won't -they thing was killing me. Tony.
One more. Yes. Feel it, Claire. That was tough.
But you did it. Maybe burpees were too ambitious.
Well, you do grunt like a tennis player when
you're working out. I can't believe I let you
talk me into a workout the day after I got the
boot off my foot. That was brutal. Hey, listen,
I was just coming home from my run. You're the
one who was stalking my house at 6 .30 a .m.
I was just dropping the kids off at the bus stop.
Mm -hmm. So Shannon and Brian are both back today?
Yep. Camp Claire is closed for business. Samantha
and Jonathan are the best kids ever, but damn,
taking care of kids is exhausting. Not to mention
all the late nights I've spent working this week.
Well, Claire, most of us don't try to do it all
at once. Have you ever heard of work -life balance?
Work what? Balance? Want to help me with that
today? You know, I'd love to hang out, but it's
my last full day with Dom, so she deserves my
full attention. Are you kicking me out of your
home gym? Don't make it weird. Can I see the
rest of your house? Um, no. But I thought we
were going to have breakfast together and you
would introduce me to your parents. Okay, you're
making it weird. And later, I'll meet you in
front of a flower arch wearing a white dress.
Bye, Claire. Okay, fine. Have fun with Dom today.
She's a great kid. Yeah, she really is. Bye.
Babe, I'm home! Brian! Oh my god, I missed you
so much. Oh, I missed you too. It's good to be
home. I can't wait to sleep in my own bed and
have you rub my feet. How was your work stuff
in Vegas? Uh, boring, but also crazy. It's like...
awkward corporate bonding and process methodologies
by day and then gambling and drinking with a
bunch of CPAs by night. It was a lot. Sounds
like those nerds know how to let loose. Yeah,
yeah, but tell me more about your week. The Today
Show clip was amazing. You looked so hot, which,
let's be honest, is pretty impressive sitting
next to Jake Fisher. Does he really look like
that in real life? Yeah, it's like he's a living
cologne ad. Still not totally convinced he's
a real human being. But he's also very performative.
Like he's playing the part of Jake Fisher, sexy
celebrity. But in normal conversation, I don't
know, sometimes it's a little off -putting. Yeah,
so is he gonna make the movie version of Midnight
Darkness happen? No idea. That's all studio politics.
I'm just the book narrator. So, you know this
song that went viral with my voice? It turns
out... We're going to make some actual money
on that. I mean, probably not a ton, but since
it's my voice, I get a portion of the earnings
along with the guys who created the song. Oh,
my God. Just like that corn kid. Huh? Yeah, that
It's Corn song from a few years ago where that
little boy's comments about his love for corn
mixed to music went viral. That kid made a shitload
of money. So you're saying we're going to be
corn kid rich. You tell me. I don't know about
this stuff. I guess I better call my agent. Oh,
yes. My house husband dreams might become a reality.
I know you're joking, but you might be right.
Holy shit. Anyway, we have something even more
important to discuss. The love story of Claire
and Tony. The protagonists being forced to spend
time together for a common goal is a classic
rom -com trope. But I don't think it worked.
Seriously, how could it not work? Hon, you are
insufferable. Come here. I need a weighted blanket.
Cuddles, zero eye contact. Oh yeah, now that's
what I'm talking about. When was the last time
we just took a nap in the middle of the day?
So, we tried the forced proximity trope. Mm -hmm,
yeah. The whole Camp Claire thing really sounded
like it had potential. Have you talked to Claire?
Do you know if she's even interested in Tony?
Talk to her? No. If I push too hard, she'll shut
it down. It has to seem like it's her idea. Okay,
then. What about some other tried -and -true
rom -com plot devices? Can we make them band
together to save a, I don't know, historic gazebo
or something? A road trip gone wrong. A fake
engagement. Ooh, a dance competition, but there's
only one room at the inn. Babe, you are so hot
right now. Morning, Dad. Morning, Dom. Sorry,
was my dad rock too loud? Ugh, cringe. They say
you used to be cool. Uh, Grandma thinks I'm cool.
Yeah, exactly. No, I was actually just lying
there for a while. I have this... this tune stuck
in my head. Does this keyboard work? Yeah, yeah.
Just plug it in. So, it's like... Hmm. Okay.
Kind of an emo breakup vibe? I was thinking more
like the end credits of some show my friends
and I would be obsessed with. Yeah, that's the
same thing. Minor key? Yeah. A minor for the
verse, and maybe F for the chorus. It kind of
lifts it, but it still feels messy. Yeah, good.
F feels like, um... Unresolved hope. Okay, try
making that last line climb. Like, lean into
the melody like you're barely holding it together.
Oh. Oh, yeah. So, we should start a band together.
We could play at your school's talent show. Uh,
respectfully, hard pass. No, no, no. Seriously.
I wish we could play music together like that
more. That would be cool. What if you spent the
summer with me? I don't know if my moms would
go for that. I've got that summer piano intensive.
Yeah, I know. I just wish you didn't have to
go back. Hey, fam. Thanks for picking me up.
Hey, we're going to need to make a stop on the
way. I almost forgot mom's etiquette protocol
of never arriving to a dinner empty -handed.
Ha, perfect. Because I'm supposed to be bringing
dessert. Ugh, fine. We'll stop at the grocery
store. But you know how I hate being late. Babe,
you know Mom loves you. She'll blame Claire.
It's fine. Hey! Can we please have strawberry
shortcake for dessert? Mmm, that's a great idea.
Better than the random pie I was going to grab.
Okay, Claire and Shannon, your mission is to
get in and out of the grocery store in under
five minutes. The kids and I will be timing you.
So if you fail this mission, Jonathan gets to
stick a wet finger in your ear. Close. Come on.
Sweet. You snooze, you lose, Claire. This is
so not fair. I have to go to three different
departments to get my ingredients. You only have
one. Sucks to be you. Okay. Strawberries, check.
Angel food cake, check. Gosh, where do they keep
the Cool Whip? Um, by the ice cream, maybe? Oh,
there's a store employee. Hi, where can I find...
Oh, never mind. Tony, hey! Fancy meeting you
in the ice cream aisle. Uh, hey, Claire. Um,
hi. Oh, sorry. Is that emotional support ice
cream you're holding? Mm -hmm, maybe. You caught
me being a sad sack. Dominique left today. She's
gone back to Nashville. Oh, gosh. Well, you know,
I'm sure Ben and Jerry created this silent cry
-ice cream flavor just for this occasion. Is
eating ice cream straight out of the carton the
most cliche thing ever when you're depressed?
Only if you do it while watching The Notebook
and drinking boxed wine. Ah, okay. See, the dude
version of that is The Godfather and those little
frozen pizza bagels. Yes, we love healthy coping.
Meanwhile, Shannon and I are off to get lovingly
roasted by our mother. Wish us luck. Hmm, okay.
Well, tell Shannon and Brian I said hello, and
if I die from lactose sensitivity, avenge me!
Oh my god, that sounds really messy. Oh, sorry.
Damn it, time's up. Um, I gotta run. Maybe I'll
see you in Shannon's backyard this week. Bye!
Yeah, bye. Shannon, tell me all about your fancy
Today Show experience. Well... It was great.
Oh, and now remind me, what do you have to do
with this song? Okay, so my voice was used in
a TikTok that went viral. And then these guys
made a song out of the trending audio, and then
that went viral. Okay, they did what now? Dad,
it's kind of like what happened with that It's
Korn song. Oh, you lost me again. Someone made
a song about Korn? Don't worry about it. You
haven't heard the best news. Shannon is going
to get some serious money from the song. Not
to mention the royalties bump from the Midnight
Darkness audiobook. Shannon is a rising star,
even more than she already was. Oh, of course,
honey. But this tacky romance genre, is that
really what you want to be known for? Wouldn't
you rather have a legacy for narrating a great
American novel? Legitimate literature. Mom, fantasy
is legitimate literature. Romance is my niche.
I'm at the height of my career here, and it's
fun. But can't you, you know, at least work for
a company and get benefits in retirement? I work
for myself. I create my own benefits in retirement.
Well, Shannon, you're lucky that your husband's
more traditional career allows you to have so
much fun. Here we go again. Mom, what is your
hang -up with freelancing? I'm freelancing. It's
going great so far. Oh, Claire, I'm delighted
to hear that you got a lucky break, really. But
you can't count on that. You need a consistent
income and benefits. Honey, you don't have a
husband like Brian to support you. Mom, once
again, I'm so sorry to have disappointed you.
I know my single adulthood has been really hard
on you. Oh, dear, I never. You know, Mom, Brian
supports me in that he's a doting husband and
father. But he doesn't support me financially.
I don't know if we really want to get into numbers.
Mom, I've been the primary earner in our household
for years now. So much so that we're thinking
about having Brian retire and help support my
business. Really? Oh my gosh, that's so cool.
In this economy? Are you sure about this, Shannon?
Oh, it seems awfully risky. What about the children?
Actually, I've run the numbers, and if I can
help Shannon with some of her admin stuff and
give her more time in the booth while I run the
kids around to their activities, she could be
making 30 to 40 percent more per quarter. Oh,
you millennials, with your modern careers and
your eccentric liberal gender roles, it's definitely
different from our generation. Mom, just because
it's unfamiliar to you doesn't mean it's wrong.
Now, Claire, she just wants, um, that is, we
just want you girls to make smart decisions.
Oh, our neighbor June's daughter is living in
their basement. They're calling it the boomerang
generation. God, this is such a tired conversation.
You know why this happens? Because your generation
didn't have to deal with the same cost of living
and student loan debt that we have to live with.
We've been through this a thousand times. You
don't have student loan debt. I paid for your
education. Yes, I acknowledge that I'm speaking
from a place of privilege, but we're talking
about the difference between our generations,
not our individual experiences. Oh, I thought
we were talking about your individual careers.
How about some dessert? Who's ready for strawberry
shortcake? Dessert! Dessert! Dessert! And wet
willy time. Oh, man, Jonathan. You are so gross.
I got you good. Oh, that's my boy. Good morning,
my audio goddess. Morning, trophy husband. Coffee?
Yes, please. You know, the possibility of quitting
my job and getting to spend more time with the
kids makes the thought of work a real drag. Oh,
do you have a case of the Mondays? It's the Monday
-est of all Mondays. It's a big decision. Yeah.
Oh, there's Tony. He's getting an early start
today. Yeah, looks like he's almost done with
the treehouse. So, what's next on the Claire
-Tony agenda? Well, I think we've established
this is going to be a slow burn. It's not an
enemies -to -lovers because they were already
getting along so well. So it's a friends -to
-lovers? Yeah, it's dangerous territory for Claire.
Once she's friend -zoned a guy, there's no coming
back. Yeah, poor Jay. I thought they had a good
thing going last year before she got the ick.
Never really stood a chance with that utility
kilt. No one stands a chance in a utility kilt.
Claire's problem is she plays it cool for too
long. She doesn't want to open up. Okay, so it
could be a slow burn, but we need to amp up the
burn. Too bad it isn't Christmas. There's so
much we could do with that. Your obsession with
Christmas never ceases to amaze me. Okay, but
what can we do with spring holidays? Flowers
are blooming. You know, I've always wanted to
do a slow motion run through the field of wildflowers
toward you, the woman I love. and then lift you
into my arms while spinning around cinematically.
Okay, A, this is about Claire and Tony, not us,
and B, you would throw your back out. But if
you really want to, we can absolutely make that
happen. We could run through the wildflowers
and the median along the highway any time. See
all the things we could do if I was home more?
God, I want to quit my job. Anyway, stay on task.
I don't know, could there be a shadow daddy who
comes in and casts... Shannon, wrong genre. Also,
let's try to keep things within the realm of
possibility. Right. Huh. How about a love triangle?
Or, oh, the ex returns. I like where you're going
with this, but I don't think there's any chance
Tony's ex is coming back into the picture. Tony!
Hey! Come on in! Morning, y 'all. Coffee? Uh,
yeah, sure. Thanks. So, I'm almost done with
the treehouse. Just need to add another coat
of paint and then I'll be out of your hair. About
the paint. I'm not feeling the color. Uh, okay.
Well, it's not too late to change it. Do you
know who's great with color? Claire. Right, Brian?
Yes, Claire. She has such a good eye for paint.
And colors. Yeah, I think I actually still have
the paint swatch book in my truck. I'll be right
back. You were gonna have them pick out paint
together? You think that's gonna turn up the
heat? I don't know. They're both creative. You
never know what might get them going. Alright,
I gotta get to work. Go make us some money with
that sexy voice of yours. I'll try. Love you,
Brian. Oh, Claire. Hey. Tony, what the heck are
you doing here? I'm picking up paint for the
treehouse. What are you doing here? Oh, Shannon
sent me here to pick out a new blue. She already
settled on Celtic Breeze Blue. Hmm, suspicious.
What's that? Oh, nothing. I just, I think my
meddling sister is up to something. Okay, so
just to be clear, you're not stalking me? No.
Well, that's unfortunate. Whatever. I got your
Instagram follow request. Actually, I shouldn't
be admitting this, but I noticed your old beard
oil influencer posts. Oh, did you now? Because
you would have had to do a deep dive to see those.
That was several years ago. Okay, Mr. Man Bun.
Mr. Anti -social media. I see you. Hey, the man
bun was because of pandemic hair, okay? And I
was helping my buddy launch his beard oil side
hustle, so I did a little content creation for
him at the time. And I like to smell nice. So
that's why you always smell like a Christmas
tree farm. I thought it was just your inherent
lumberjack essence. So you've been noticing how
I smell and you like it? Okay, Mr. Influencer.
Fresh pine is totally a universally good smell.
Mm -hmm. So what are you up to this afternoon?
Oh, there's a classic horror movie series playing
at the plaza. I'm meeting some friends to see
Silence of the Lambs. It's like my favorite horror
movie from the 90s. And there's a drag show beforehand.
People dress up like the characters. It's a whole
thing. Wow, sounds fun. So, you got time to grab
lunch before you go? I was about to go and visit
my buddy over at the pub across the street. You
ever been to the Stag's Hollow? Yeah, they have
that cool wood and ironwork design around the
bar, right? Yeah, that's mine. Thanks. The bar?
No, no, the wood and iron artwork. I made it.
Oh, wait, really? That's so cool. I didn't realize
that was the type of art you did. Yeah, I do
a lot of custom stuff for restaurants and bars.
That was actually one of the first big ones I
did. Hmm. Multifaceted. Wow, Tony, your artwork
is amazing. I love all the subtleties with color
and texture between the wood and metal work.
It really does make the whole place so unique.
Oh, thanks. Yeah, I like how it changes over
time depending on the conditions of where the
work is placed, like where it has direct sunlight
hitting it right here, or how some spots are
more weathered when it gets touched more often.
Eh, I'm not sure if anyone else would notice.
Gosh, I hope they do. So, what's good to eat
here? Oh, well, depends on what you like. Today,
I think the brisket sandwich. My brain is telling
me to eat a vegetable, but my heart is telling
me I need more cheese dip in my life. In the
words of Roxette, listen to your heart when he's
calling for you. Um, Roxette? You don't like
80s music? Look, I don't know where you're going,
and I don't know why. Okay, phew, you got me
sweating there for a minute. Quoting Roxette
right back at me. I like it. So, cheese dip then?
Or, wild card, I could get a salad and cheese
dip. Best of both worlds. Yeah, see, you don't
play by the rules. You do what you want. Let
them say we're crazy. What do they know? And
another Roxette reference to bring it on home.
You know, I can see what you're saying about
the colors of the wood changing where it gets
more sunlight. It seems like some artists might
be more precious about it and want it to be better
protected from the elements. No, no, that's what
I love about working with wood and stains. And
I use a lot of reclaimed stuff, too. It has more
character. It has evidence of humanity in it.
I'm envious of you getting to explore your arts
on your own terms. so different from the projects
I work on where I'm coming up with ideas that
serve my clients in their brand voice and not
my own. Yeah, well, when I do commissions, it's
still serving my clients. I don't get to do exactly
what I want. I have to operate within the confines
of the space and so many of the pieces are custom.
Sometimes the limitations have actually forced
me to be more creative and find different ways
of doing things. That's true. I find that in
creative campaigns as well. Half the time, brand
guidelines kill your idea. So you panic, pivot,
and accidentally make something better. Yes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Same thing for music, really.
You have to keep pushing at an idea, and then
you come up with something new. It's kind of
exhilarating. When you find that perfect solution,
lights a fire in you. Yeah. Do you still play?
Sometimes. Not enough. Actually, my friend Mark
asked me to fill in for his bassist at a show
at Eddie's Attic next weekend. I haven't played
in front of an audience in a couple of years,
so that'll be fun. Oh, good for you. That's exciting.
Yeah, yeah. You got plans? I mentioned it to
Brian the other day. Shannon said you love Eddie's
Attic. Hmm, I've only been there once. I think
I'm free in the evening, though. I'll be there.
Awesome. Great. Just don't heckle me. Assuming
it's a rock set cover band, I won't. Hey, let's
scrap the waitress. I have to head out soon.
Yeah, yeah, I'm starving. Plus, that treehouse
isn't going to finish painting itself. Oh, hey,
Brian. I just put the finishing touches on the
treehouse. Tony, this is the coolest treehouse
ever. The other dads are going to be so jealous.
Dads? You mean the other neighborhood kids, right?
Uh, yeah. Yeah, I guess the kids too. So how's
your week going? Well, you know how it is. Work
sucks. I'm actually thinking about quitting to
spend more time with the kids and do more to
help Shannon with her career. She's actually
really blowing up. Wow, that's awesome. You know,
I'd love to spend more time with Dominique. Having
her here last week really made me realize how
much I'm missing by living so far away from her.
Yeah, I can imagine. Have you ever thought about
moving to Nashville? Yeah, yeah, it's definitely
on my mind. Tony! Hey, buddy. I didn't realize
you were still here. The treehouse looks amazing.
The kids are excited. I'm glad you like it. Hey,
may I use your restroom real quick? Yeah, of
course. You know where it is. Oh, Shannon, I
am onto you, lady. Hey, Claire. Not much? Oh,
whatever. You know I have a key. Brian, there
is a bee in Claire's bonnet. Oh, is there? Do
tell. I see what you're doing. I'm onto you.
You are rom -comming me and Tony. You are meddling
and I'm onto your little scheme. Why, whatever
do you mean? We would never. You? Brian, you're
in on this too? I expected more from you. I trusted
you. Um, newsflash, we already made out in the
treehouse anyway. Oh my god! What? Tony, why
are you here? And why did you tell them that?
Shannon, I'm sorry I just spit beer all over
you. This is awesome! I didn't know it was a
secret. I'm... No! No! You guys are completely
off script. The slow burn is supposed to start
now. A slow burn? Script? I mean, we had our
first date today, so that's happening. That was
our first date? I thought next Saturday at the
show was our first date. So that's our second
date? Second date? Oh, man. I'm not prepared
for this. I need to sit down. Babe, babe, come
on, hold on. This is a good thing. Your scheme
is working. See? Scheming. So, are you guys,
like, dating? Uh... Yeah, I can't actually tell
if this is supposed to be really awkward or not.
It doesn't matter, man. Come on, bring it in.
We're all hugging it out. I wish you could see
my face right now. It is smug. After I got over
the initial shock of completely missing the fact
that Claire and Tony had already gotten together,
I realized that everything I'd done was working
better than I thought it would. The rom -com
formula was working. They had a meet -cute with
an awkward first encounter. There was the forced
proximity trope with washing the dishes and then
Camp Claire. There were the happy coincidences
when they accidentally, and not so accidentally,
ran into each other around town. Then there was
the all -important first kiss, a classic friends
-to -lovers scenario. The chemistry was undeniable.
And then to find out that they not only went
on one date, but possibly two? Damn, I'm good.
I'm sure Claire will find it in her heart to
forgive me. Now I knew I had to face the hardest
part, getting them to overcome an inevitable
challenge. It never works out perfectly for our
hero couple. There had to be something that would
force them apart at some point. I just had to
lay the groundwork to make sure their relationship
was solid enough to withstand whatever trouble
was headed their way. Joined in this episode
by an ensemble cast that includes Francisco Almenara
as Brian, Trevor Johns as Mom, John Gardner as
Dad, Alexis Campbell as Dominique, Matilda Cooper
as Samantha, and Oliver Clearfield as Jonathan.
Series edited by Doug Lehman with post -production
provided by Rosebank Picture and Sound. If this
episode of the Rom -Com Formula swept you off
your feet, please like and subscribe. Leave us
a review. Share with your favorite hopeless romantic
and follow us on Instagram at romcomformula for
bonus content. I am Diana Durand. Thanks for
listening.