My rom -com plan was set into motion. As the
classic meddling sister, I had one job. Get my
workaholic sister Claire and my ruggedly hot
neighbor Tony to fall in love. All I had to do
was follow the standard rom -com formula. Easy,
right? Workaholic advertising executive meets
a charming outdoorsy guy and eventually learns
how to have fun and let love into her life. But
nowhere in the formula did it say step one. Claire
wipes out in my kitchen like a baby giraffe on
roller skates. That's not so much a meet cute
as a meet chaos. I did not expect Claire's foot
to be fractured. I also didn't realize how much
she was freaking out about quitting her job.
Claire was not the freak out type. She's driven
and responsible and, you know, generally has
her shit together. But when I took her home from
urgent care with a boot on her foot, she had
a watery, panicked look on her eyes that I had
never seen before. So, I called our mom. I figured
she would make her some soup or something, give
her a pep talk, and get her back on track. Well,
you know what they say about good intentions.
Hi, Mom. Claire, Shannon told me about your broken
foot. Oh, what happened? Are you okay? I'm coming
over. No, Mom. No, I didn't break my foot. It's
a fracture. I just have to wear a boot for a
while. It's a fashion statement that says klutz.
Oh, and what's this about quitting your job?
Claire, you need to call your boss and apologize.
You can't just quit because you disagree with
him. It's irresponsible, dear. I thought we were
talking about my foot. Where's the sympathy here?
Honey, I am sorry about your hurt foot, but that
will heal. Jobs are hard to come by. How are
you going to support yourself? This is why you
need to be in a relationship, so you have someone
to take care of you. Mom, I can support myself
just fine, even with just the one good leg. I'm
not a damsel in distress in need of rescuing.
All right, look, I'm going to make some calls.
My friend Ramona from Junior League needs someone
to lay out ads for our newsletter. Maybe you
could do that. Mom, absolutely not. Stop, please.
Well, excuse me. I'm just trying to help. I gotta
go, Mom. I'm fine. Please, just let me be for
a minute. Okay? Love you. Bye. I love you, honey.
Hello? Dude! Why the hell did you call Mom? Because
you're spiraling. You haven't responded to my
texts, and you haven't left your condo in three
days. How do you know? Because I know you. You're
not allowed to drive with the boot. Have you
bathed? As a matter of fact, I've been in this
bath for two hours. Thank you very much. Hello?
Hello? Claire? Hello? Are you still there? Claire?
Claire? Claire? I dropped my effing phone in
the effing bathtub. You know what? Do not tell
Mom. You're not going to fix it with a hair dryer.
You're supposed to put it in a bag of rice. I
thought you'd slipped and banged your head on
the bathtub and were drowning all alone. You
did not. It crossed my mind. Nope. I'm alive.
Just sitting here with a broken foot. No job.
And now, no phone. But at least I have a bag
of rice. This is all fixable. You have a ton
of contacts. In my phone. That drowned. Like
my life. We need CPR. We'll get you a new one.
It's all in the cloud. You'll get work when you're
ready. I can help you go freelance, set up an
LLC, post on LinkedIn more often for visibility.
Oh, God, kill me now. Mom is dying for me to
be in a relationship, my only job prospect is
with the junior league, and you're harassing
me about being a LinkedIn thought leader? This
is torture. You're the one having an existential
crisis about not having a job. It's not about
the paycheck. I've got savings. I just... I don't
know how to exist if I'm not working. I can't
shut my brain off. I need to do something. You
don't have to be productive all the time. Just
let yourself be a bum and heal your foot. Watch
some movies. Eat some cheese dip. Bed rot is
self -care now. Oh, I could tear up some cheese
dip. You know, that if I were stranded on a deserted
island and I could only pick one food, it would
be chips and queso. Maybe I can be unemployed
and useless. Drown me in queso. That's my girl.
Come on. I'm taking you back to my house. I'll
pick up a new phone and get you set up on the
couch. You can put your feet up, eat cheese dip,
and watch chick flicks for a day. Just one day.
Um, does it have to be chick flicks? Maybe a
horror movie to remind me that my life isn't
that bad? What the? How are we even related,
Claire? Okay, you got fizzy water, queso dip.
Is this pillow under your foot comfortable? Ooh,
you got this spendy spindrift instead of this
store -bought brand fizzy water that I can afford.
I like it here. I could use a second beverage,
though. Can you bring me a water? Or a hot tea?
Or both? Why do you need so many beverages? You
know I'm a beverage whore. I need at least two
drinks, a water and a tasty beverage at minimum.
But I usually need a comfort beverage, too. Ugh,
is the fizzy water your comfort beverage or your
tasty beverage? Ideally, it's the bonus beverage.
See, you start with the mandatory emotional support
water bottle, then something warm for coziness,
and then fizzy water. Keeps things spicy and
keeps me stable. You're ridiculous. At least
I'm properly hydrated. I'm only doing this for
you because you're injured. Here you go. Hot
tea, water, and a bonus beverage, weirdo. Now,
are you ready? Ready for what? I have the perfect
movie for us. Point Break. Utah, give me two!
Yes! I caught my first tube this morning, sir.
Hey, Shannon? Thank you. Vaya con Dios. Oh man,
that last scene always gets me. Hey, Tony. Oh,
hey. Shannon, thanks for moving my drill out
of the rain this morning. I'm going to pour concrete
for the support beams today. You know, he really
is as nice as they say. Who? Keanu Reeves. Hey,
Shannon, the rest of the Quikrete is in the garage,
right? Yeah, you'll see it by the recycling bin.
Hold up. How the hell does long guy Tony know
Keanu Reeves? Probably from the Warped Tour.
I am so not following. Well, Tony's band always
opened up for Dogstar on the Warped Tour back
in the day, so, you know. Long Guy Tony was on
the Warped Tour? What band was he in? What is
happening? I told you, he's multifaceted. Remember
that singer Nick Charlie from like 10 years ago?
Tony was his bassist and songwriting partner.
Oh, shit. And then Nick Charlie died, right?
That's why that song, Secretary of My Thoughts,
was such a big hit. Damn. And now Tony's mowing
lawns? Yeesh, how the mighty fall. Claire, what's
wrong with mowing lawns? So judgy. You sound
like Mom. Ouch. Way to kick me while I'm down.
Besides, Mom is a touchy subject right now. I
still haven't forgiven you for calling her. Noted.
Tony's actually the most creative person I've
ever met. Thanks a lot. Besides you. Hey. Why
don't I help you get set up on the laptop out
there in the back deck? You can get started updating
your portfolio while I do some work upstairs.
Uh, hold on. I thought I was supposed to be practicing
not being productive. I'm enjoying this. Can
you bring me one more beverage? No! You're done
with the liquids. You know, you're just dying
to be on a Zoom call right now. Okay, I'm not
that bad. Okay. I'm going to go record for a
couple of hours. These teenage bicurious vampires
are never going to fall in love if I'm watching
movies all day. You have the weirdest job. Stupid
thing. Get in there. Hey, what are you watching?
It sounds like it's just stuck on unskippable
ads. That sucks. I'm watching commercials. On
purpose? Why? I'm in advertising. I know the
people who made a lot of them. These won a bunch
of awards. I'm doing some research. Oh, I see.
So you're the problem. I'm sorry, what? I'm the
problem? What does that mean? Sorry, it's just
commercialism in general. You know, America's
obsession with capitalism and advertising taking
over all forms of art. Okay, my guy. I happen
to believe that there's a lot of creativity and
culture in advertising. Yeah. Okay. I'm gonna
go take this back inside. Nice chat. Oh, man.
Shit. Smooth talking, Tony. Coming. Just gonna...
Hop. Dang it. Coming. Hello, girls. Hey, Mom.
Oh, good. You're both here. I just wanted to
drop off some things from the fridge since we're
leaving for our cruise tomorrow. I had some leftover
creme fraiche from Barbara's grandbaby shower,
you know. Now, Claire, are you going to be okay
on your own for a few weeks? Mom, I've been on
my own for years. Oh, honey, you know what I
mean. Unmarried, no job, broken foot. Can I give
you some money? Oh, good Lord, Mom. I know. No
need to remind me. I'm a grown -ass woman. I
make more money than you and Dad did put together
when you were my age. Oh, really? I didn't think
you still got a salary after you quit your job.
Okay. Thank you for the food, Mom. I hope you
and Dad have a great trip to Aruba. We'll be
fine here. Oh, um, hi, ladies. Uh, Shannon? Yeah,
I'm just gonna go grab something from the workshop.
I'll be right back. Oh, my. Oh, well, my goodness.
That's Tony. Well, I didn't realize your sister
let workers just pop in and out of her house
willy -nilly. He's Tony. He's also my neighbor
and our friend. He's not just a rando. Dear,
I was just a little surprised by the casual nature
of the way he popped in here unannounced. I think
the help should have a little more respect for
their employers. The help? Oh, please, Mom. Well,
anyway, Claire, I spoke to Ramona, and she said
that she knows someone who is a graphic designer
who could talk to you. Mom, I'm not a graphic
designer. I'm an art director. It's not the same
thing. I am so tired of... Okay, Mom, thanks
for stopping by. I hope you and Dad have the
best time. Send lots of pics. Okay. Now I want
you girls to take care of each other, all right?
We love you. Wow. Did she really just say the
help? Boomers. What are you going to do? Okay.
I got to meet the kids at the bus stop. You want
to stay for dinner? Brian's going to try out
the new pizza oven. Yeah. Pizza sounds great.
According to Mom, I need you to adopt me and
feed me and provide me shelter. Well, look who
I found on my way back. Oh, hey guys, the bus
came early, huh? Tony, come play video games
with us. We've got the coolest new roller coaster
game. Guys, I'm still in the middle of building
the treehouse. Come check it out. Oh, cool! Tony,
when you're done, why don't you stay and help
us break in the new pizza oven? Oh, yeah? Um,
yeah, that sounds great. Let me run home and
take a quick shower first. Oh, and now we're
dining with the help. Shh! I'll get it. Hi, Tony.
Hi, Claire. Don't you usually just let yourself
in? Yeah, but you're here, so I felt like I should
be maybe more formal. I don't want to startle
anyone. Is my fancy boot intimidating you? Tony,
my dude! Hey, Brian. What's up, man? Thanks for
having me. Bro, you're always welcome here. Also,
I need you to help me light the pizza oven secretly
so I can pretend I did it myself. Tony, do you
want to play Mario Kart? Hey, Sam. Yeah, absolutely.
Um, I just gotta help your dad first, okay? Shannon,
how can I help? I feel useless. Uh, chop veggie
toppings. Is Brian fanboying over Tony again?
Yeah, pretty hard, honestly. I think everyone
here has a Tony crush. Brian's strengths are
Lego engineering and dungeon mastering. Home
maintenance and tools, not so much. Luckily,
Tony lives around the corner and can fix just
about anything. Oh, I forgot to tell you. My
friend Joel might have a project for me. Wow.
You lasted a whole three days without working.
New record. Well, he said it could be like a
big -budget celebrity -driven thing. It could
be a good creative opportunity. Weren't you the
one pushing me to start freelancing? I am. Speaking
of, I need a favor. Uh -oh. Okay, so I got invited
to speak at a romance -lit conference. They want
me to do a live reading of Midnight Darkness
as part of their morally gray but hot AF track.
Congrats. It's next week. Same time as Brian's
annual work thing in Vegas. So, could you stay
with the kids? Oh, um, terrifying? I love them,
but do they like... They themselves? How often
do they need to be fed? You're ridiculous. They're
in school all day. Just bust them, feed them,
and, you know, stop them from setting the house
on fire. You'll crush it. But what if there's,
like, a medical emergency? I can't drive in this
boot. Uber. Groceries will be stocked. Food delivery's
on me. And there's always Mom's Creme Fraiche.
It'll be fun. Camp Claire. Camp Claire. I'd go
there. Oh, great. Here come the boys. Did someone
say camping? I haven't camped in years. Oh, not
actual camping. Just me being the world's best
sister. So you'll do it? Nice. I told you she'd
say yes. I guess I'm a stay -at -home aunt now,
living the dream. When are you guys leaving?
Next week. Vegas for me, then Shannon's conference.
I'm going to go check on the pizza. My daughter's
visiting then, too. Oh, that's great. How long
is Dominique staying? Two weeks. Her moms are
taking a trip. Perfect. She can join Camp Claire,
too. Whoa, hold on. Now I'm babysitting extra
children? No, no. Dominique's 13. She'll be fine
at the house when I'm not there. The challenge
is just keeping her off that phone constantly.
Let me guess. Pre -teen skincare on TikTok? Yes.
Drives me nuts. We were so close when she was
little, and now I can't even get her to look
up from her phone long enough to have an actual
conversation. Who's ready for pizza? Me! I'm
starving! Pizza, pizza! I want a whole cheese
pizza. Okay, I'm taking notes. So I can just
feed them an entire pizza each day that you're
gone, right? Do they have a self -feeder thing
like they have for cats? As much as they would
totally love that, no. You can't feed them pizza
every single day. Maybe every other day. I don't
have to feed them every day? This is great. They're
even easier than goldfish. No, I require food
every day, Aunt Claire. We're going to need a
bunch of snacks. All of the snacks. Camp Claire
will feature breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Well,
at Camp Claire, we are definitely having ice
cream every night, though. Oh, obviously. It
said so in the brochure. And Shannon already
said bathing is optional, so all I have to do
is keep them alive long enough to get them to
the bus each morning. Then they are the school's
responsibility until, what, 3 o 'clock? Then
I can just show them point break until bedtime
and turn on the pizza feeder and I'm home free.
Camp Claire! Here, I'll wash. You dry? Yeah.
So, your daughter is coming to visit? Yeah, I'm
pretty excited about it. Maybe I'm a little nervous.
Nervous? Well, isn't everyone a little bit scared
of a 13 -year -old girl? I mean, she lives with
her moms, who are amazing, by the way, but...
It's all girl power, social justice, piano recitals,
and studying the arts. Ah, is that the arts with
a capital A? Yeah, exactly. Then she comes here
to hang out with her goofy white dad who's like,
let's go stare at trees. You know, which I fully
plan to make her do. Her moms aren't into tree
staring? Yeah, I somehow doubt it. Her mom, my
ex, Rashida, she's the symphony director in Nashville.
Her stepmom runs the Tennessee Human Rights Campaign.
I mean, they're basically a black lesbian power
couple there. Pretty hard act to follow. Oh,
come on. I thought you were Mr. Warped Tour.
Doesn't that earn you cool points? Oh, great.
Shannon told you about that? Maybe a bit. Man,
that feels like another lifetime. You're a rock
star. Do you miss it? All the adoring fans and
being on the road? You know, I miss the music.
I miss the people, not the fast food or the aroma
of five dudes B .O. marinating in a tour bus.
I mean, it was fun, but I don't miss the guy
I was back then. What do you mean? Um, that's
a story for another dishwashing session. Sorry,
too nosy? Maybe I am turning into my mother.
No, no, you're good. Anyway, I gotta get started
early tomorrow if I'm gonna have that treehouse
ready for Camp Claire. Oh, yeah, I guess so.
I'll catch you later. Yeah, tell Brian and Shannon
I said thanks for dinner. So you see what we
did there, right? What's sexier than doing dishes
with someone? Laundry! Laundry's pretty hot.
You got your underwear all tumbling around together?
Brian, close the door to my booth. I'm recording
in here. Ooh, do the werepanther scene again.
I like to hear you growl. No! Brian! Later! Shoo!
Like I was saying. The overlapping work trips?
Total stroke of luck. All I planned was getting
Claire and Tony alone in the kitchen with a sink
full of dirty dishes. Classic rom -com proximity
setup. The rest? The universe provided. And I
exploited. By then, I'd recruited Brian into
the scheme. He's surprisingly devious for someone
who owns three novelty grill aprons. He's actually
the one who suggested Claire watch the kids while
we were gone. Genius! Then I had my own little
stroke of genius by suggesting that Tony's daughter,
Dominique, join Camp Claire. My only concern,
maybe we hadn't meddled quite enough to force
Claire and Tony quality time. Could we really
count on a 13 -year -old to tear herself away
from TikTok long enough to hang out with the
kids? Would Tony take a break from manly man
handyman things to get to know Claire better?
Could Claire stop spiraling enough to fully embrace
her coveted stay -at -home aunt role? All I could
do was cross my fingers and hope they'd keep
bumping into each other while we were gone. And
maybe, maybe the rom -com gods would take it
from there. I mean, could you imagine the thrill
if Tony and Claire's hands were to gently brush
up against each other as they go for the same
slice of pepperoni? Maybe I'm getting a little
too excited here. But here's hoping Camp Claire
becomes Camp Chemistry. The rom -com formula
was created, directed, produced, and written
by Susan Cooper. Co -produced by Micah Caldwell
and co -written by Micah Caldwell, Rozzy Shadmery,
and Scythe Sullyperm. Co -starring Susan Cooper
as Shannon, Micah Caldwell as Claire, and Matt
Fogarty as Tony. Join in this episode by an ensemble
cast that includes Francisco Almenara as Brian,
Trevor Johns as Mom, Matilda Cooper as Samantha,
and Oliver Clearfield as Jonathan. Series edited
by Doug Lehman with post -production provided
by Rosebank Picture and Sound. If this episode
of the Rom -Com Formula swept you off your feet,
please like and subscribe, leave us a review,
share with your favorite hopeless romantic, and
follow us on Instagram at romcomformula for bonus
content. I am Diana Duran. Thanks for listening.