WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.899 Today's manuscript follows the grueling childhood 00:00:02.899 --> 00:00:06.200 and early adulthood of an orphan girl as she 00:00:06.200 --> 00:00:09.119 navigates abusive relatives, a harsh charity 00:00:09.119 --> 00:00:11.859 school, and her first job as a governess at a 00:00:11.859 --> 00:00:15.259 mysterious estate. We are diving right into the 00:00:15.259 --> 00:00:18.640 critique to explore how we can elevate this incredibly 00:00:18.640 --> 00:00:22.280 evocative narrative. Yeah, I am very ready to 00:00:22.280 --> 00:00:25.059 get into this. There is just so much raw power 00:00:25.059 --> 00:00:27.260 in these pages. And I really want to look at 00:00:27.260 --> 00:00:29.679 how we can, you know, harness that energy without 00:00:29.679 --> 00:00:32.439 letting it totally run away from us. Right. I 00:00:32.439 --> 00:00:34.619 mean, the material makes a really strong case 00:00:34.619 --> 00:00:36.820 for the protagonist's fiery nature right away. 00:00:37.219 --> 00:00:40.140 Like, by highlighting her intense early rebellions 00:00:40.140 --> 00:00:43.939 in the Red Room and against John Reed. Oh, absolutely. 00:00:44.119 --> 00:00:46.820 The heat in those opening chapters is undeniable. 00:00:47.119 --> 00:00:50.109 It is. But let's look closely at the section 00:00:50.109 --> 00:00:52.229 discussing the eight year time jump in chapter 00:00:52.229 --> 00:00:55.509 10. Reading this part, it feels as though we've 00:00:55.509 --> 00:00:59.049 been watching a roaring untamed fire and then 00:00:59.049 --> 00:01:01.250 somebody simply flips a switch and it becomes 00:01:01.250 --> 00:01:04.569 a perfectly calibrated gas stove. I mean, we 00:01:04.569 --> 00:01:07.390 missed the turning of the dial. Is the connection 00:01:07.390 --> 00:01:10.349 between A and B fully established in the material 00:01:10.349 --> 00:01:13.709 or is that an area to potentially bolster? Well, 00:01:13.930 --> 00:01:16.290 the abrupt eight -year time jump compresses a 00:01:16.290 --> 00:01:18.489 crucial period of the protagonist's emotional 00:01:18.489 --> 00:01:22.230 maturation into a mere passive summary. Yes, 00:01:22.549 --> 00:01:24.950 exactly. That's the core weakness right there. 00:01:25.530 --> 00:01:28.010 Skipping directly from the aftermath of the typhus 00:01:28.010 --> 00:01:30.290 outbreak to her adulthood, it just, it leaves 00:01:30.290 --> 00:01:32.829 the reader completely disconnected from the actual 00:01:32.829 --> 00:01:35.349 process of her transformation. Right, we just 00:01:35.349 --> 00:01:37.950 jump forward. Yeah. The narrative tells us that 00:01:37.950 --> 00:01:41.319 she, quote, imbibed Miss Campbell's nature and 00:01:41.319 --> 00:01:44.400 gave her allegiance to duty and order. But relying 00:01:44.400 --> 00:01:47.099 on exposition for such a massive character shift, 00:01:47.579 --> 00:01:49.739 it just flattens the emotional weight of her 00:01:49.739 --> 00:01:53.400 internal growth. It really does. The reader totally 00:01:53.400 --> 00:01:56.280 misses the vital struggle of this passionate, 00:01:56.579 --> 00:01:59.659 volatile child actively forcing herself into 00:01:59.659 --> 00:02:02.420 a, you know, subdued, disciplined mold. And I 00:02:02.420 --> 00:02:04.620 think we have to talk about what that exposition 00:02:04.620 --> 00:02:07.680 costs the reader emotionally. I mean, we spent 00:02:07.680 --> 00:02:11.319 chapter after chapter experiencing every physical 00:02:11.319 --> 00:02:14.219 blow from John Reed, every moment of suffocating 00:02:14.219 --> 00:02:16.599 panic when she was locked away. Right, all that 00:02:16.599 --> 00:02:19.180 visceral detail. Exactly, every freezing morning 00:02:19.180 --> 00:02:21.759 washing with ice -covered water. We felt her 00:02:21.759 --> 00:02:24.500 indignation. We felt her desperate desire to 00:02:24.500 --> 00:02:27.659 strike back again very hard. Yeah. So to then 00:02:27.659 --> 00:02:30.500 simply be told in just a paragraph or two that 00:02:30.500 --> 00:02:33.259 she absorbed Miss Temple's serenity over eight 00:02:33.259 --> 00:02:36.560 years, it robs the reader of witnessing the actual 00:02:36.560 --> 00:02:40.090 mechanics of her survival. It really does. It 00:02:40.090 --> 00:02:42.590 completely removes the friction. We are told 00:02:42.590 --> 00:02:44.710 she altered, but we don't get to see what it 00:02:44.710 --> 00:02:47.949 cost her to alter. Yes. So the suggestion here 00:02:47.949 --> 00:02:51.370 is to dramatize these transitional years by illustrating 00:02:51.370 --> 00:02:54.729 the subtle, hard -won shifts in her temperament 00:02:54.729 --> 00:02:57.710 through an active, pivotal scene before Miss 00:02:57.710 --> 00:03:01.189 Temple's departure. I love that. Instead of summarizing 00:03:01.189 --> 00:03:03.969 her time as a student and young teacher, we need 00:03:03.969 --> 00:03:06.900 concrete examples. like write a specific scene 00:03:06.900 --> 00:03:09.180 showing the protagonist choosing restraint over 00:03:09.180 --> 00:03:12.099 her natural inclination for rebellion. Oh, that's 00:03:12.099 --> 00:03:14.919 a great approach. Right? For example, she could 00:03:14.919 --> 00:03:17.439 be faced with a difficult, insubordinate student 00:03:17.439 --> 00:03:20.340 of her own, like a child who intensely reminds 00:03:20.340 --> 00:03:23.659 her of her younger, frantic self. Oh wow, a mirror 00:03:23.659 --> 00:03:27.370 image? Exactly! Show her actively suppressing 00:03:27.370 --> 00:03:30.490 the urge to react with the rapid rush of retrospective 00:03:30.490 --> 00:03:33.069 thoughts she felt in the Red Room. And instead, 00:03:33.409 --> 00:03:36.169 show her deliberately employing the gentle, measured 00:03:36.169 --> 00:03:39.189 tones she learned from Miss Temple. That's brilliant. 00:03:39.650 --> 00:03:42.129 This serves as a dynamic bridge between the passionate 00:03:42.129 --> 00:03:44.830 child and the composed young woman arriving at 00:03:44.830 --> 00:03:47.409 Thornfield. Yeah, it forces the protagonist to 00:03:47.409 --> 00:03:50.250 confront a living mirror of her own past. Let's 00:03:50.250 --> 00:03:52.969 play this out a bit. Imagine a scene where a 00:03:52.969 --> 00:03:56.229 young girl under her care throws a massive tantrum. 00:03:56.430 --> 00:03:58.889 Maybe even strikes out at her or throws a slate. 00:03:59.129 --> 00:04:01.650 Right. Directly echoing the John Reed dynamic, 00:04:01.849 --> 00:04:04.810 but reversing the power roles. Exactly. And the 00:04:04.810 --> 00:04:07.569 protagonist's immediate, instinctual, physiological 00:04:07.569 --> 00:04:11.229 reaction would be that old heat, the rising blood, 00:04:11.729 --> 00:04:14.289 the ringing in the ears, the absolute desire 00:04:14.289 --> 00:04:16.850 to retaliate or scream about the injustice of 00:04:16.850 --> 00:04:19.709 it all. And that's where the tension lies. The 00:04:19.709 --> 00:04:22.209 reader knows her history intimately by this point. 00:04:22.490 --> 00:04:24.970 The reader is practically begging her to snap, 00:04:25.250 --> 00:04:27.329 because we remember how good it felt when she 00:04:27.329 --> 00:04:30.110 yelled at her aunt. Oh yeah, we want her to fight 00:04:30.110 --> 00:04:33.110 back. But instead, she has to physically swallow 00:04:33.110 --> 00:04:35.889 that heat. You could show her closing her eyes, 00:04:36.189 --> 00:04:38.889 taking a ragged breath, intentionally picturing 00:04:38.889 --> 00:04:41.629 Miss Temple's face, and, you know, choosing a 00:04:41.629 --> 00:04:44.709 different path. Right. And by showing her actively, 00:04:45.110 --> 00:04:47.550 painfully choosing to be calm, we understand 00:04:47.550 --> 00:04:51.009 that her new, composed demeanor isn't a magical 00:04:51.009 --> 00:04:54.209 personality transplant. No, not at all. It is 00:04:54.209 --> 00:04:57.110 a suit of armor she has painstakingly forged 00:04:57.110 --> 00:05:00.750 for herself, link by link. It makes her eventual 00:05:00.750 --> 00:05:03.629 arrival at Thornfield so much more compelling. 00:05:04.089 --> 00:05:06.850 Because we know that beneath her quiet, governess 00:05:06.850 --> 00:05:10.589 exterior, that blazing fire still exists. It 00:05:10.589 --> 00:05:13.009 is just tightly controlled. It fundamentally 00:05:13.009 --> 00:05:16.269 changes how we view every interaction she has 00:05:16.269 --> 00:05:19.889 moving forward. When she is polite and submissive 00:05:19.889 --> 00:05:23.209 to Mrs. Fairfax or her new employer, we don't 00:05:23.209 --> 00:05:26.350 just see a passive character conforming to societal 00:05:26.350 --> 00:05:30.069 norms. Right. We see a character exercising immense, 00:05:30.670 --> 00:05:33.759 exhausting self -control. That is an incredibly 00:05:33.759 --> 00:05:36.899 active state of being, and it creates this simmering 00:05:36.899 --> 00:05:39.759 suspense, like we're constantly wondering, when 00:05:39.759 --> 00:05:42.759 is the armor going to crack? Exactly. The restraint 00:05:42.759 --> 00:05:45.480 becomes a weapon she wields rather than just 00:05:45.480 --> 00:05:49.000 a trait she possesses. So now moving along that 00:05:49.000 --> 00:05:51.120 same thematic line of the friction of control, 00:05:51.500 --> 00:05:53.379 I want to transition from how the protagonist 00:05:53.379 --> 00:05:56.620 controls herself to how external forces try to 00:05:56.620 --> 00:05:59.360 control her. Okay, let's get into it. As I understand 00:05:59.360 --> 00:06:01.500 it from the notes, the argument here is that 00:06:01.500 --> 00:06:04.040 the adults in her early life are deeply oppressive. 00:06:04.439 --> 00:06:07.379 That makes sense, but could the evidence also 00:06:07.379 --> 00:06:10.540 support a different conclusion? Like giving these 00:06:10.540 --> 00:06:13.660 antagonists their own twisted moral high ground? 00:06:13.920 --> 00:06:17.300 Oh, I see. The characterization of the early 00:06:17.300 --> 00:06:20.600 antagonists leans heavily into absolute villainy, 00:06:20.920 --> 00:06:23.360 which risks pushing the narrative into melodrama 00:06:23.360 --> 00:06:26.319 and dampening the psychological realism. That's 00:06:26.319 --> 00:06:29.620 the real weakness here. Characters like Mr. Brocklehurst 00:06:29.620 --> 00:06:32.819 and Mrs. Reed are presented as purely malicious 00:06:32.819 --> 00:06:35.959 or grotesquely hypocritical. Very black and white. 00:06:36.300 --> 00:06:39.379 Yeah, I mean, Brocklehurst is introduced as a 00:06:39.379 --> 00:06:42.959 literal black pillar who justifies starving children 00:06:42.959 --> 00:06:45.699 while his own family arrives draped in velvet 00:06:45.699 --> 00:06:49.290 and ostrich blooms. Right, it's very stark. And 00:06:49.290 --> 00:06:52.610 Mrs. Reed is shown to be entirely devoid of any 00:06:52.610 --> 00:06:55.149 maternal conflict regarding her niece. This paints 00:06:55.149 --> 00:06:57.569 the protagonist's struggles in stark black and 00:06:57.569 --> 00:06:59.810 white, which can totally alienate a reader looking 00:06:59.810 --> 00:07:02.069 for a complex, grounded human friction rather 00:07:02.069 --> 00:07:04.209 than a fairy tale, wicked stepmother dynamic. 00:07:05.050 --> 00:07:07.490 I have to admit some confusion here, or maybe 00:07:07.490 --> 00:07:09.870 just a bit of pushback. Sure, what are you thinking? 00:07:10.410 --> 00:07:12.889 Well, I actually really loved how absolutely 00:07:12.889 --> 00:07:15.670 wicked Mrs. Reed was. It made me fiercely root 00:07:15.670 --> 00:07:18.240 for the protagonist right out of the gate. If 00:07:18.240 --> 00:07:20.560 we give her a moral high ground or make her sympathetic, 00:07:20.920 --> 00:07:23.439 don't we risk losing that visceral, fairytale 00:07:23.439 --> 00:07:25.899 energy that makes the opening chapters so compelling 00:07:25.899 --> 00:07:29.540 and easy to latch onto? I get that. But think 00:07:29.540 --> 00:07:31.779 about it. Giving these antagonists their own 00:07:31.779 --> 00:07:33.959 twisted moral high ground actually makes them 00:07:33.959 --> 00:07:37.319 more terrifying. How so? When an antagonist is 00:07:37.319 --> 00:07:40.439 cruel simply because they are evil, they cease 00:07:40.439 --> 00:07:43.259 to be a real human being. and become a predictable 00:07:43.259 --> 00:07:46.019 plot device. We know exactly what the wicked 00:07:46.019 --> 00:07:47.980 stepmother is going to do. Right, she's going 00:07:47.980 --> 00:07:51.019 to be wicked. Exactly. But a human being who 00:07:51.019 --> 00:07:53.339 genuinely believes they are doing the right thing, 00:07:53.639 --> 00:07:56.240 or a human being driven by an irrational terror, 00:07:56.720 --> 00:08:00.079 they are entirely unpredictable. And unpredictability 00:08:00.079 --> 00:08:02.939 generates far more suspense than reliable malice. 00:08:03.120 --> 00:08:05.740 I see where you're going with this. If Mrs. Reed 00:08:05.740 --> 00:08:08.240 locks a terrified child in a room where her husband 00:08:08.240 --> 00:08:11.800 died and feels absolutely no remorse, she's just 00:08:11.800 --> 00:08:14.639 a monster. Right. If Brocklehurst demands the 00:08:14.639 --> 00:08:16.759 girl's hair be cut off to mortify the lusts of 00:08:16.759 --> 00:08:19.459 the flesh while his own daughters sport elaborate 00:08:19.459 --> 00:08:22.639 curls, he's just a cartoon hypocrite. It works 00:08:22.639 --> 00:08:25.060 for a surface -level reaction, but it doesn't 00:08:25.060 --> 00:08:27.139 give the story the depth it needs to sustain 00:08:27.139 --> 00:08:30.439 a long gothic narrative. Precisely. We need to 00:08:30.439 --> 00:08:33.139 figure out how these villains justify their actions 00:08:33.139 --> 00:08:35.600 when they look in the mirror. No one thinks they're 00:08:35.600 --> 00:08:38.059 the villain of their own story. So the suggestion 00:08:38.059 --> 00:08:40.759 is to infuse the antagonists with believable, 00:08:40.919 --> 00:08:43.679 albeit flawed, internal justifications for their 00:08:43.679 --> 00:08:46.820 cruelty to create a more sophisticated, chilling 00:08:46.820 --> 00:08:50.240 tension. Yes. Let's brainstorm some concrete 00:08:50.240 --> 00:08:53.240 examples for this. Give Mrs. Reed a fleeting 00:08:53.240 --> 00:08:56.080 moment of genuine, vulnerable superstition. Oh, 00:08:56.080 --> 00:08:58.799 I like that. When the protagonist screams in 00:08:58.799 --> 00:09:00.879 the Red Room rather than Mrs. Reed thrusting 00:09:00.879 --> 00:09:03.279 her back in purely out of impatient, frantic 00:09:03.279 --> 00:09:06.440 anguish, show Mrs. Reed truly terrified that 00:09:06.440 --> 00:09:09.399 the child is a fiend or channeling her dead husband's 00:09:09.399 --> 00:09:12.580 spirit. Wow. Making her cruelty a product of 00:09:12.580 --> 00:09:15.580 profound fear rather than mere spite. Oh, that 00:09:15.580 --> 00:09:18.159 shifts the dynamic entirely. Think about how 00:09:18.159 --> 00:09:20.919 much more unsettling Mrs. Reed becomes if you 00:09:20.919 --> 00:09:23.350 realize she isn't just a sadist. but a woman 00:09:23.350 --> 00:09:25.710 genuinely haunted by the deathbed promise she 00:09:25.710 --> 00:09:29.370 made to her husband. Exactly. If we see her hand 00:09:29.370 --> 00:09:32.470 visibly shaking on the key to the red room, not 00:09:32.470 --> 00:09:34.990 out of rage, but out of a superstitious dread 00:09:34.990 --> 00:09:38.190 that this strange alien child is somehow a curse 00:09:38.190 --> 00:09:41.330 on her house. Yes, it makes her so much more 00:09:41.330 --> 00:09:44.429 real. It doesn't excuse her abuse at all. In 00:09:44.429 --> 00:09:47.049 fact, it actually makes it scarier, because fear 00:09:47.049 --> 00:09:49.610 drives people to do far worse things than simple 00:09:49.610 --> 00:09:52.500 dislike ever could. Building on that point, What 00:09:52.500 --> 00:09:54.019 if we looked at it from the perspective of Mr. 00:09:54.240 --> 00:09:56.500 Brocklehurst? Okay, how would we handle him? 00:09:56.799 --> 00:09:59.700 Show him making a difficult, budget -driven decision 00:09:59.700 --> 00:10:03.139 about the Burt Porridge. Have him actively reviewing 00:10:03.139 --> 00:10:05.840 ledgers and convincing himself that the physical 00:10:05.840 --> 00:10:08.740 suffering of the girls is a necessary, unavoidable 00:10:08.740 --> 00:10:11.240 evil to keep the underfunded institution open. 00:10:11.940 --> 00:10:14.960 Grounding it in the money. Exactly. Making his 00:10:14.960 --> 00:10:18.519 hypocrisy a systemic failure rather than a cartoonish 00:10:18.519 --> 00:10:21.269 personal evil. I love the idea of putting him 00:10:21.269 --> 00:10:24.330 at a desk with his ledgers. It grounds the horror 00:10:24.330 --> 00:10:27.090 and administration. Let the reader see him looking 00:10:27.090 --> 00:10:29.190 at the incredibly poor quality of the thread 00:10:29.190 --> 00:10:31.929 for the camisas or the rancid fat used for the 00:10:31.929 --> 00:10:34.710 food. Right, the actual math of it. And instead 00:10:34.710 --> 00:10:36.929 of just dismissing it with a villainous mustache 00:10:36.929 --> 00:10:40.210 twirl, have him internally rationalize the horrible 00:10:40.210 --> 00:10:43.289 math of the charity school. Have him truly believe 00:10:43.289 --> 00:10:45.610 that if he spends a single penny more on food, 00:10:45.950 --> 00:10:48.649 the school will bankrupt and close, and these 00:10:48.649 --> 00:10:51.429 girls will end up destitute on the streets. Yes. 00:10:51.850 --> 00:10:55.009 So in his warped mind, feeding them burnt porridge 00:10:55.009 --> 00:10:58.809 is actually a horrific act of grace. Oh, that's 00:10:58.809 --> 00:11:01.799 incredibly dark. In regarding his own family 00:11:01.799 --> 00:11:04.240 wearing velvet and curls, he doesn't see it as 00:11:04.240 --> 00:11:07.139 hypocrisy. In his mind, his family represents 00:11:07.139 --> 00:11:10.700 the benefactors. The grace of God made manifest. 00:11:11.080 --> 00:11:13.559 They are the reward for righteousness, while 00:11:13.559 --> 00:11:16.340 the orphans must learn extreme humility because 00:11:16.340 --> 00:11:19.179 of their fallen station. If he genuinely believes 00:11:19.179 --> 00:11:22.120 his own terrifying theology, his interactions 00:11:22.120 --> 00:11:24.559 with the protagonist become a clash of actual 00:11:24.559 --> 00:11:27.159 worldviews, rather than just a big bully picking 00:11:27.159 --> 00:11:29.429 on a small victim. When the antagonist thinks 00:11:29.429 --> 00:11:32.309 they are the hero, the protagonist's battle to 00:11:32.309 --> 00:11:34.730 survive them becomes infinitely more complex. 00:11:35.190 --> 00:11:38.509 Exactly. It elevates the text from a simple melodrama 00:11:38.509 --> 00:11:42.070 into a profound psychological study. So a key 00:11:42.070 --> 00:11:44.289 theme running through this material seems to 00:11:44.289 --> 00:11:46.809 be the conflict between earthly justice and divine 00:11:46.809 --> 00:11:49.669 endurance. We see this heavily when we shift 00:11:49.669 --> 00:11:52.629 our focus from the antagonists to the protagonist's 00:11:52.629 --> 00:11:55.889 primary ally, Helen Burns. Yes, Helen is such 00:11:55.889 --> 00:11:59.389 a pivotal figure here. She really is. And, you 00:11:59.389 --> 00:12:01.850 know, themata weight is like the anchor of a 00:12:01.850 --> 00:12:04.730 ship. It grounds the vessel beautifully, but 00:12:04.730 --> 00:12:06.809 if the chain is entirely let out all at once, 00:12:07.210 --> 00:12:09.669 the ship stops moving forward completely. That's 00:12:09.669 --> 00:12:12.129 fascinating. What are the potential limitations 00:12:12.129 --> 00:12:14.389 or counter -arguments to that idea of giving 00:12:14.389 --> 00:12:17.169 a young character such a heavy philosophical 00:12:17.169 --> 00:12:20.370 burden? Well, the extended theological dialogues 00:12:20.370 --> 00:12:23.070 halt the narrative momentum and strain the natural 00:12:23.070 --> 00:12:25.549 voices of the young characters. Yeah, that weakness 00:12:25.549 --> 00:12:28.029 is deeply tied to the pacing and the physical 00:12:28.029 --> 00:12:31.470 reality of the scene. Helen Burns' lengthy speeches 00:12:31.470 --> 00:12:34.190 about forgiveness, the New Testament, and the 00:12:34.190 --> 00:12:37.690 incorruptible spirit read like a polished philosophical 00:12:37.690 --> 00:12:40.309 treatise. They really do. They're so dentists. 00:12:40.429 --> 00:12:42.820 Right. And while the themes of turning the other 00:12:42.820 --> 00:12:45.159 cheek versus the protagonist's desire to strike 00:12:45.159 --> 00:12:48.799 back again very hard are incredibly rich, delivering 00:12:48.799 --> 00:12:51.320 them through massive blocks of uninterrupted 00:12:51.320 --> 00:12:54.000 text bogs down the pacing of the Lowood section. 00:12:54.100 --> 00:12:56.440 It completely stalls it out. It removes the reader 00:12:56.440 --> 00:12:59.139 from the visceral, freezing, starving reality 00:12:59.139 --> 00:13:01.720 of the school and places them into an abstract 00:13:01.720 --> 00:13:04.320 theological debate that feels inauthentic to 00:13:04.320 --> 00:13:07.220 the organic, fragmented conversation of a 14 00:13:07.220 --> 00:13:09.419 -year -old girl. It really does feel like the 00:13:09.419 --> 00:13:12.450 manuscript forgets the brutal physical reality 00:13:12.450 --> 00:13:15.149 it has so perfectly constructed just a page prior. 00:13:15.850 --> 00:13:18.090 I mean, we have girls who are washing in ice, 00:13:18.669 --> 00:13:21.509 whose toes are raw and painfully swollen from 00:13:21.509 --> 00:13:24.669 chillblains, who are sharing tiny morsels of 00:13:24.669 --> 00:13:27.159 oatcake just to survive the night. It's pure 00:13:27.159 --> 00:13:31.200 survival mode. Exactly. And yet amidst this total 00:13:31.200 --> 00:13:34.000 bodily deprivation, Helen speaks in perfectly 00:13:34.000 --> 00:13:36.639 constructed semi -colon laden paragraph long 00:13:36.639 --> 00:13:38.980 sentences about the impalpable principle of light 00:13:38.980 --> 00:13:41.740 and thought. Right. You cannot speak in pristine 00:13:41.740 --> 00:13:44.559 flowing paragraphs when your teeth are chattering. 00:13:44.940 --> 00:13:47.559 The ideas she is expressing are beautiful, but 00:13:47.559 --> 00:13:50.080 the delivery mechanism pulls us entirely out 00:13:50.080 --> 00:13:52.730 of the immersion of the scene. It feels disconnected. 00:13:52.950 --> 00:13:55.809 Speaking directly to the reader rather than two 00:13:55.809 --> 00:13:58.110 starving children desperately trying to comfort 00:13:58.110 --> 00:14:00.350 each other in the dark. So how do we fix it? 00:14:00.570 --> 00:14:02.210 We don't want to lose the philosophy because 00:14:02.210 --> 00:14:04.370 it's the core of her character. No, we definitely 00:14:04.370 --> 00:14:06.950 want to keep it. The suggestion is to anchor 00:14:06.950 --> 00:14:09.309 the philosophical and thematic debates deeply 00:14:09.309 --> 00:14:12.210 into the immediate physical action and sensory 00:14:12.210 --> 00:14:14.549 details of the scene to make the dialogue feel 00:14:14.549 --> 00:14:17.490 earned, dynamic, and natural. One way a writer 00:14:17.490 --> 00:14:20.549 might approach this is to provide concrete examples 00:14:20.549 --> 00:14:23.629 of her physical struggle. Break up Helen's long 00:14:23.629 --> 00:14:26.409 monologues by having her physical body continually 00:14:26.409 --> 00:14:29.730 betray her stoic words. Oh, I like that contrast. 00:14:30.070 --> 00:14:33.110 Right? While she is explaining her creed of eternity 00:14:33.110 --> 00:14:36.029 and a mighty home, have her abruptly wracked 00:14:36.029 --> 00:14:39.110 by a hollow coughing fit. Or show her struggling 00:14:39.110 --> 00:14:42.809 to fold the untidy badge with chilblain -covered 00:14:42.809 --> 00:14:46.919 numb fingers. Make it tactile. Yes. Have the 00:14:46.919 --> 00:14:49.320 protagonist physically interrupt these speeches 00:14:49.320 --> 00:14:52.639 to rub Helen's freezing hands or offer her a 00:14:52.639 --> 00:14:56.139 stolen crumb of food. Instead of paragraphs of 00:14:56.139 --> 00:14:58.779 doctrine, translate Helen's high -minded ideals 00:14:58.779 --> 00:15:02.000 into brief, fragmented comforts spoken through 00:15:02.000 --> 00:15:04.960 chattering teeth. That's so powerful. It will 00:15:04.960 --> 00:15:07.340 completely heighten the tragedy of her situation 00:15:07.340 --> 00:15:09.820 while maintaining the narrative's forward momentum. 00:15:10.139 --> 00:15:12.559 Let's workshop that specific scene by the fire 00:15:12.559 --> 00:15:15.309 where Helen first explains her philosophy. The 00:15:15.309 --> 00:15:17.750 protagonist is demanding to know why Helen doesn't 00:15:17.750 --> 00:15:20.389 fight back against Miss Scatchard. Right, the 00:15:20.389 --> 00:15:23.230 big debate. Yeah, and Helen starts to explain 00:15:23.230 --> 00:15:26.289 her belief in quiet endurance. But instead of 00:15:26.289 --> 00:15:28.649 a pristine, uninterrupted monologue, what if 00:15:28.649 --> 00:15:30.889 she has to pause mid -sentence because the draft 00:15:30.889 --> 00:15:33.129 in the ream is so severe she starts violently 00:15:33.129 --> 00:15:35.870 shivering? Oh, that's fantastic. What if she 00:15:35.870 --> 00:15:38.669 has to use M dashes and staccato phrasing because 00:15:38.669 --> 00:15:40.649 she literally doesn't have the breath to finish 00:15:40.649 --> 00:15:43.759 a long thought? Is there a risk that focusing 00:15:43.759 --> 00:15:46.360 solely on the physical ailments might overshadow 00:15:46.360 --> 00:15:48.740 the theological points she's making? I don't 00:15:48.740 --> 00:15:51.159 think so because the physical vulnerability actually 00:15:51.159 --> 00:15:53.919 underscores the tragic irony of her philosophy. 00:15:54.480 --> 00:15:56.820 She is talking about possessing an incorruptible 00:15:56.820 --> 00:15:59.779 spirit while her corruptible body is literally 00:15:59.779 --> 00:16:02.519 failing her on the page. That is such a good 00:16:02.519 --> 00:16:05.500 point. It proves the necessity of her theology. 00:16:06.039 --> 00:16:09.309 If your body is failing that spectacularly, You 00:16:09.309 --> 00:16:12.350 have to believe in an incorruptible spirit just 00:16:12.350 --> 00:16:15.350 to survive the night. Oh, that is brilliant! 00:16:15.830 --> 00:16:18.450 And it forces the protagonist to react not just 00:16:18.450 --> 00:16:21.610 to Helen's intellectual words, but to her immediate 00:16:21.610 --> 00:16:24.889 physical distress. Yes, it makes it an active 00:16:24.889 --> 00:16:28.190 scene. The protagonist might entirely disagree 00:16:28.190 --> 00:16:30.309 with the theology of turning the other cheek, 00:16:30.710 --> 00:16:32.830 but she can clearly see the suffering in front 00:16:32.830 --> 00:16:36.190 of her. If the protagonist wraps her own thin 00:16:36.190 --> 00:16:39.210 shawl around Helen's shoulders while Helen whispers 00:16:39.210 --> 00:16:42.549 these fragmented ideas of forgiveness, the thematic 00:16:42.549 --> 00:16:45.649 debate transforms into a highly charged physical 00:16:45.649 --> 00:16:49.049 interaction. It grounds the abstract right back 00:16:49.049 --> 00:16:52.049 into the visceral. It reminds the reader constantly 00:16:52.049 --> 00:16:54.649 of the life and death stakes. Helen isn't just 00:16:54.649 --> 00:16:57.549 pontificating in a vacuum. No, she's fighting 00:16:57.549 --> 00:17:00.250 to live. She is desperately holding onto these 00:17:00.250 --> 00:17:02.850 beliefs as a literal survival mechanism against 00:17:02.850 --> 00:17:05.750 the freezing cold, the starvation, and the impending 00:17:05.750 --> 00:17:08.849 consumption. By fracturing the dialogue with 00:17:08.849 --> 00:17:11.789 those sensory interruptions, the hollow cough, 00:17:12.130 --> 00:17:15.170 the numb fingers, the howling wind rattling the 00:17:15.170 --> 00:17:18.410 window panes, you maintain the relentless narrative 00:17:18.410 --> 00:17:21.549 pacing. Exactly. The scene is no longer just 00:17:21.549 --> 00:17:24.109 a convenient pause for a philosophical debate. 00:17:24.410 --> 00:17:27.259 It's a desperate tactile moment of connection 00:17:27.259 --> 00:17:29.960 between two dying girls. And think about how 00:17:29.960 --> 00:17:32.200 that makes Helen's eventual death so much more 00:17:32.200 --> 00:17:34.500 impactful. We haven't just been listening to 00:17:34.500 --> 00:17:36.920 a saint lecture us from a podium. Right. We've 00:17:36.920 --> 00:17:39.079 been with her in the trenches. We've been watching 00:17:39.079 --> 00:17:41.940 a terrified, freezing child physically waste 00:17:41.940 --> 00:17:44.960 away while clinging to her faith. It completely 00:17:44.960 --> 00:17:47.759 transforms the text from a stage play into a 00:17:47.759 --> 00:17:50.940 lived, breathing, agonizing reality. The foundation 00:17:50.940 --> 00:17:53.690 of this narrative is incredibly strong. And by 00:17:53.690 --> 00:17:56.250 applying these adjustments to the pacing, character 00:17:56.250 --> 00:17:59.029 motivations, and thematic delivery, the material 00:17:59.029 --> 00:18:01.710 will hit with so much more resonance. Absolutely. 00:18:02.210 --> 00:18:05.190 To elevate this deeply atmospheric manuscript, 00:18:05.710 --> 00:18:07.930 this critique has focused on three main pillars 00:18:07.930 --> 00:18:11.269 of structural and character development. First, 00:18:11.670 --> 00:18:14.450 dramatize the eight -year time jump. Rather than 00:18:14.450 --> 00:18:17.589 relying on passive exposition, craft an active 00:18:17.589 --> 00:18:21.410 scene that shows rather than tells the protagonist's 00:18:21.410 --> 00:18:23.970 hard -won emotional restraint, perhaps by having 00:18:23.970 --> 00:18:26.789 her manage a defiant student of her own to mirror 00:18:26.789 --> 00:18:30.230 her past. Second, add psychological nuance to 00:18:30.230 --> 00:18:33.230 antagonists like Mrs. Reed and Mr. Brocklehurst. 00:18:33.470 --> 00:18:36.309 Ground their cruelty in genuine believable fears 00:18:36.309 --> 00:18:39.230 or administrative pressures to avoid melodrama 00:18:39.230 --> 00:18:41.710 and increase the chilling unpredictability of 00:18:41.710 --> 00:18:44.539 their actions. Finally, maintain the narrative 00:18:44.539 --> 00:18:47.539 pacing by breaking up the heavy theological dialogue. 00:18:48.099 --> 00:18:50.880 Anchor Helen Burns' philosophical themes in the 00:18:50.880 --> 00:18:53.819 visceral physical realities of the freezing school, 00:18:54.460 --> 00:18:57.519 allowing her failing body to interrupt and highlight 00:18:57.519 --> 00:19:00.359 her stoic words. These changes will make a huge 00:19:00.359 --> 00:19:03.220 difference. They really will. The listener is 00:19:03.220 --> 00:19:05.799 highly encouraged to implement these actionable 00:19:05.799 --> 00:19:09.400 structural suggestions and to submit the revised 00:19:09.400 --> 00:19:12.259 work back in for a future critique. We really 00:19:12.259 --> 00:19:14.799 want to see how these scenes evolve once that 00:19:14.799 --> 00:19:16.420 friction is fully applied.