I can do it again And then garrison's rap breakdown
Turn to Because my name is care I become a bear
in our D &D party. There is a hair. Oh nice I
wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to catch the ball.
Oh, okay. I guess you were being the square Everyone
give Kyle a glare. Whoa Why would he go there?
Oh This just isn't fair That's good. I wish I
could do that. I Really can't I went it's just
it's just rhyming with some stupid word that
Whatever first comes to your head hard. No, it's
hard. No, it's hard. I can't do it Can't either
if it makes you feel any better. There's zero
intuition for me for I can recite something back
easy I can do I can do rap gut Cuz we're gonna
put it out right here. No, I can recite all six
minutes easy and fast. Yeah Yeah, even that crazy
part, but I can't I can't on command summon the
charisma or to like create Yeah, I can't know
that but a cop like yeah, okay the rap god thing.
All right I can't I don't know the lyrics to
anything, but I can I'm the opposite. I'm the
inverse of that I cannot yeah, just come up with
things and I'm it's true. Dang Avi has like no
a staple like three or four karaoke songs and
one of them is take me to church But if you ask
that motherfucker what the lyrics take me to
church are he doesn't know? I don't know. I do
not know. I look at the screen. I just read the
words Sometimes he gets too into it and forgets
to look at the screen I'll take myself to church
He's already risen the room at that point so
nobody notices except for me I don't have to
know the back half I just need to know the front
half because that's what brings them in Alright,
you guys ready? I got my eyepatch on, I'm good.
Oh, I need a question of the... How do I not
have a seshquest? You dumb bitch, you can say
it. Seshquest, seshquest, seshquest. The question
of the session. What's your karaoke song? Welcome
back to turn tales a collaborative storytelling
podcast. That sounds a lot like playing Dungeons
and Dragons My name is Sean major. I am the dungeon
master of this fun program here and I Have to
do the session of the quest the quite the quest
I have to I have to question I the quick how
ambulance help I'm laughing at something totally
different. No, you can laugh. I started singing
ground control the major Sean Clicked in my head.
But today was the day. That's a work thought.
Say that for work. Sorry. You can have real fun
here. You don't have to have dumb fun here. It
just popped in and I don't know why. Stupid.
And my question of the session, my sash quesh
is give me your characters. No favorite core
memory. The number one thing that like. If you
were to play a scene from your character's past,
whether it's the past few days or years, just
a quick two minutes, you don't even have to narrate
the whole scene, just like a quick, well, what
happens in that scene? I this sucks for me because
it's such a big question for me to answer as
a as Sean a real person Yeah, I think I know
what it is, but that might hurt someone's feelings.
I mean now you have to you know I do not I don't
have my relationship with anyone for the sake
of your personal energy Yeah If we're all okay
with it, is it someone here? I don't think it's
anyone here. Okay, maybe I can do something for
my childhood then. This is actually easy. A really
huge core memory for me that I've been thinking
about a lot recently was, oh no, there's video
evidence of these. My brother and myself and
my father went to the park near our house in
Chandler. And my dad wanted some practice with
editing. So he got his camera out and used his
children as little actors. And we created a video
called Do I want to say the name? You don't have
to say the name. I don't know where I would where
would you find this? Nowhere. Nowhere. It's not
even on YouTube or nothing. No, it's nowhere.
That's what I would say. Take you send me this.
No. Damn. And it is a. And maybe I only remember
it because there is a video and I've seen it
before, but like I I vividly remember being at
that park with my dad and having the time of
my life like. Being in a video and of course
now when I watch it I cringe a little bit because
it's me as a kid But as I watch it more now recently
it makes me a little happy But still like 80
% cringe when when other people are around and
they find out about it. I think Audrey's seen
it It's called monkey boy I don't remember a
lot about it because that was Hayden's in it.
Were both of you monkey boys or just one of you?
Oh fucking spoiler You want me to ruin it? You
want me to spoil the whole plot of the fucking
thing for you? Do not spoil it. No, no, don't
spoil it. I will watch it when you send it to
me. YouTube is bad. YouTube is bad. Why am I
- I search something and it's like here's these
ten sponsored ads that you want. No! I just want
you to - Were any of them about monkeys or boys?
No, it's not giving me anything realistic that
I want. Anyway. Did you just search up monkey
boy on YouTube? No, I'm - I mean, what would
you do if you were trying to find it? No, I'm
looking for your dad's shit. That's how I found
Hey, hey you stop Audrey Audrey fart smeller
over here, but Fine the phone down look me in
the eye. I'll look you in the eye. There we go
is what I meant to say And you guys at home can
find his dad's YouTube Get bent, Tim. I hate
you. This is Garrison. I'm playing Vayne, the
Dampier, Hexblade Warlock. Vayne's core memory,
or one of them, it would be delivering books
from the library to a certain prisoner that was
kept in the halls that was more interesting than
all the others because they would actually talk
about things. And I think, I'm not sure, and
this is where I might need your help, but like...
what kind of books he would get if it was like
stuff about wildlife or his history, but whatever
it was, it enlivened the dark depths of that
castle and actually taught him more about the
world that he wasn't willing to search for himself.
Being able to share this memory with someone,
even though it's just words, was his only escape
from the castle at that time. Wayne is so poetic.
I like the idea that she would read all kinds
of books and that... Anytime you make a history
check maybe you've still that's your logical
reasoning for maybe knowing something despite
being locked in this castle that whole time is
Oh, I know this because I was told this in the
story. That's what the good check was. Actually,
I like that. Very good. Hi, I'm Adi and I play
Captain Keyla Sharp the classification of a circle
of sea druid and swashbuckler rogue um keela's
favorite core memory i think is from when she's
probably about five or six she's little and it
is definitely the end of the night definitely
past her bedtime but she's down sort of at the
breakfast table in the bottom of the lighthouse
with lindsay and it's dark, they've got candles
going. I think that she is dressed out in his
big captain's hat and she's drowning in his coat
and she's up on the table. She and Lindsay are
just singing shanties together because Lindsay
has a very lovely singing voice and so I think
they're just dancing around in their little pirate
outfits and singing little pirate shanties together
and just hanging out. That's cool. That's really
sweet. Snaps. Remember when you left and he was
really mad at you? No, I don't recall. Oh, now
you don't remember that? No, I don't recall.
That never happened. Ooh, a tree! I don't think
bad things happened ever, actually. Oh, okay.
Yeah, that's how I remember it, too. Blink? My
name is Tim Swanson, and I play Blink, the air
genasi monk boy who just likes having a good
time. His favorite core memory would probably
be when he was little. Late at night, his older
sister would come wake him up sometimes. They
weren't really allowed to like hang out or play
together and stuff. And sometimes she'd wake
him up and they would play games all night long.
I like that. You should, because it was good.
Hi, my name is Kyle. I play Christ of Wix's,
the hair and gun ranger, who just likes to have
a good time and just likes to be involved, but
in the worst way. Not in a good way, not in like,
thanks for including me. And like, hmm, what
trouble can I cause? And his favorite core memory
is after coming to the real world from the Feywild
and by happenstance discovered he was good at
archery. And at the time had a friend and couldn't
afford his own bow. So him and the friend fashioned
some bows and would hunt with them together.
Hunting with that friend is the is the core memory
Here in the real world here in the real world
is that friend have a name. Let's go with Decks
no strength con Fuck yeah now it has to be something
else cha. Let's go with let's go with law is
law law I Fought the law that was law and and
I won dandy's cool Just get to say stuff and
then it becomes real nice and it becomes law
you could say Oh Hi there, I am obviously antenna
and I play BoB the goblin artificer boy genius
or idiot savant and BoB's favorite core memory
is probably the first time he sat down with his
older friend Horder. And Horder began to tell
him a fairy tale of a great knight by the name
of Sir Elgort. Elgort would travel the land with
a band of other heroes, and they would fight
dragons, and they even rescued a princess one
time. And ever since then, that... That is the
main driving factor behind everything that B
.O .B. has ever wanted to do. And that shaped
him. He watched that one thing that one time
was like, that's it. That's my whole personality.
We've all been there. Yeah. Yeah. It's yeah.
He heard a great story about a great night and
that was it. And now he's right on track to be
a knight. Look where he's at. He's already halfway
there. He's got a big suit of armor or something.
Yeah. Just gets guy has to get a knight. Yeah.
Cool. Very good. All right. We made it through
intros Let's pick up. Did you go back to bed
before going below ground or did you go below
ground and go back to bed? We went back to bed
and then went down. Yeah, cool. You've had a
long rest Great. You also all leveled up. Everyone's
level four and You Left to go collect your items.
I'll stay back here and train for the fight.
I killed a couple people So I'm not really quick
to be showing my face around there again That's
probably true. Cool. So one, two, three. Mm -hmm.
Yeah. Cool. The three of you, do you turn Doug
back to a car or do you walk? Yeah, I'll car
it up. OK. So you what car? What's the car of
the day? It's one of those really stupidly big
Hummers. Nice. Yeah. Like big, like taller, big
like stretch. Both. Fuck, that sucks. Yeah, it's
a it's a it's a Hummer limo. Bright yellow that
broke me and everyone has to do so you three
hop in your massive vehicle two of you stay behind
as You get to the bridge that would cross into
the center of town where the auction house is
You don't have similar security like you did
day of they seem to just let you Go across and
not ask any questions. Maybe it's because you're
in a car who knows but the guards at the In your
way simply move and you're able to cross the
bridge to the center of town You pull up outside
the auction house. There is some John Hamd already.
Yes, I'm like sitting in the driver's seat and
you just see the circlet kind of drop down like
a like a Vader mask. Just I I can see like you
get into the car and then the camera cuts to
like. Pointed at the driver's seat and it leans
forward Here John ham now. Yeah, there is still
a bunch of steam and shit I like I like the idea
of someone standing outside the car and he sits
down and he starts rolling up the window And
he's like a goofy little goblin and then he rolls
it down in his sunglasses I'm John ham ham industries
before That's a slogan ever had and the three
of you are going to drive up to the auction house
outside you find it's still pretty early in the
morning but you find that the guard is completely
normal just like it would be if it wasn't the
auction going on but there is two guards outside
this large building that seem to regard you as
you park outside. Are you going up to the front
door? Yeah, just to the front door. The guards
actually walk up to your car and one of them
will open the door for you guys and says, hello
friends, what's your business at the auction
house today? I'm here to pick up my good things
that we purchased last night from the auction.
for which we were at oh yeah there was a lot
of trouble last night and yes mix ups with lots
and whatnot so they got everything sorted now
and they'll be able to to get you your stuff
good i was terrified why don't you head on inside
and do you have your paddle yeah go ahead and
show that number and uh make sure you have your
gold handy and they'll be able to hand over the
items that you want no not a problem at all thank
you very much thank you go on in and he steps
to the side lets you guys file past if you like.
I'm gonna stay in the car. Okay, so blink you
stay with Doug. Let me just get my gold from
my car named Doug. He pulls out a clipboard and
looks at your paddle and he references a number
and he says both of your lots together you're
looking at 4600 gold. Not a problem. I am a little
disappointed that my lens is not in that equation.
He looks at the paper and lifts up a few pages
and he says, sorry, Mr. Ham, I see you've only
won an item with a description of a mask and
one with a rolled carpet. Interesting. Magic,
it says. Didn't we? We did. We bet on a thing.
We really did, and we paid a lot for it. You
can take it up inside. I don't make the sheets,
but I'm sorry to hear that there's complications.
No, it's a problem. I understand you're doing
your job just like I am. I would recommend if
you think there's been a mistake to bring all
of the gold you'll need to make your purchase,
otherwise you'll probably have to walk back out
here to get it. Beautiful. I'd grab all gold
that would be needed otherwise. Okay, you take
all the gold? All of it. Okay, cool. We don't
have enough. We do not have enough for all three
of them. I'm aware. We don't. We don't, but I'm
wondering if we can throw enough of a fit that
he'll... But yeah, you don't have to pay them
for something that you're not even going to get.
Yeah. Yeah. And but if we throw enough of a fit,
we can get them to give us a discount or something.
Maybe. I don't know. So we we head to the back
to grab our things and make a stink. You head
inside and where there was a bar, there seems
to be a little makeshift station set up that
There is a few security guards. They look like
human security and not robotic security Yeah,
and they are standing on the room that would
have been on stage left standing just outside
of it That's the room leading to the room where
keela shot the man in the head and killed him
the first one that is and They have an employee
with a cart sitting there waiting as a clerk
waves you over and says I'll take your paddle
and puts his hand out Give him the paddle. Very
good. And he, the clerk takes your paddle and
he nods and he says, okay, I have two lots for
you boys. Two lots? There was supposed to be...
Yep, 4 ,600 gold totaling. Two lots, one carpet
rolled magic, and one black mask. And what of
lot 31? And he looks through his papers and he
says, lot 31, it appears that one was not purchased.
How about a lot 11? um and they look through
some more papers and they say lot 11 never made
it in transport it looks like it was lost in
the river i'm confused interesting there was
a weird attack on the the convoy as it moved
through the town and i think someone threw it
in the river that's what the report says huh
we're looking for a lot 31 so if it wasn't purchased
you would still have it then Correct. I can go
run a conversation by my boss, but the log...
Why don't you verify that you still have it?
Because if nobody purchased it, you would still
have it. All be well. But I'm telling you, we
purchased that item. And then something was scrubbed
from the list, I think. Something's going on
here. He disappears and goes to walk away towards
the back. You see him whisper one thing to some
of the security guard. And the security guard
nods and heads towards the back as this clerk
moves back towards you and says, he's going to
go check that out. In the meantime, would you
like to buy your other goods? We'll wait and
see what happens to our third lot and then decide
what we're doing from that point. Yes. A few
seconds passed and this clerk smiles nervously
at you every so often before going down to pretend
to write something in the in some books and pretend
to do something else about him before. What have
you had him like a cook swine? Indeed. I have.
I pork it up all the time. That's me. I did that.
I'm sorry? John Ham. Ham Industries. He smiles.
And he looks at you a little funny as he puts
his hand out and shakes yours and he says, you
invented killing pigs? Nope. Just the process
of ham. He nods and he says. And that's where
all your money came from. That's why I have so
much! You want to roll persuasion for me? At
advantage. Because you're so charismatic and
handsome as you're the circlet of perfect human.
Yeah, hell yeah, brother. That is another dirty
21. That's quite impressive. I've never met somebody
who's affected my daily life so much. You're
welcome. Pour it. He smiles and he says, I really
hope they can help you with your... and he looks
as the guards coming back. He has a cart and
on that cart there is a coiled bit of carpet
and there is a black mask. They roll it over
and the security hushes something into the clerk's
ear. The clerk turns around and he says, well,
gentlemen, it's been a pleasure and your lots
are all paid up, so you're free to go. Now...
Tell me I'm crazy and he's just staring at you
smile. There was a lens Last night and I bid
quite a significant amount of gold on the clerk
nods and he says not a lens a glass That's right.
That's the right word. We're using glass table
topper I need that for my table for it is not
topped He smiles and he says a benefactor of
the auction has offered to pay for your lots
today and all that means is He would like you
to walk out of here with your locks. Fascinating.
Outrageous. I... You'll be hearing from us about
this. No. Mr. Ham, I'm so sorry. Ham happens,
right? It sure does. I accept this unfortunate
news. But we're not happy about it. And you see
the clerk smile and nod and he says, I'm sorry
you're not satisfied with everything, but our
benefactor would also like you to know that leaving
with those items does mean that you are too...
not go around spreading too many rumors about
what did or didn't happen at the auction last
night. There's a saying within the Ham family.
Very important one. The Hamily? The Hamily. That
saying goes like this. Live, laugh, Ham. Live,
laugh, Ham. And I do like a stupid salute. I
like what you've said today, and we will leave
without... speaking furthermore of the incident.
And the clerk smiles as the guard comes around
and carts the things over to you and walks away
from them. And we huff, turn with a huff and
leave with our stuff. Farewell. Turn with a huff,
leave with our stuff. You head out the building.
As you turn to leave, you see across the room
a familiar orange rotten face as he takes a drag
off his cigar and stares at you two as you leave
the room with your newly acquired goods. You
wave at him. Avi did a wave. Yep, I did a wave.
Just a little wave. Rich people wave to each
other. Can you say that? Rich people wave to
each other. Way back. Way back, coward. He exhales
his cigar and with it in his hand, his mechanical
hand. Faces it towards you and gives you a little
annoyed wave as his eyes say anger, but his smile
says joy Me too, and you And you head out the
building. Yeah Okay, you have a magic carpet
as well as a black mask in the back of your stretch
limo Hummer your stretch hammer limo Fun fact.
Your ham -o. It's a ham -o. I took a Hummer Limo
to prom. Whoa! Yeah, you did. As you're getting
into the car, you see up at the doors, Gruzak
is coming down the stairs towards the car. By
himself, not flanked by any security, but he
is coming out. And you see him putting his hand
up and he's saying, Wade, Wade! Chris, you want
to take this one or should we drive off? What
are we doing? What are we doing? What are we
doing? Time to go. Time to go. You did say wait.
It is rude to leave. Pretend you didn't see him.
This is one of those good secrets. It's now a
little bit too long. This is one of those good
secrets. You have time. He's pretty far. The
choice needs to be now. Do we drive away or do
we wait? Pretend you don't see him, B .O .B.
Pretend you don't see him. I start rolling down
the window. Here we go. Down to look at him?
Yeah, I roll him. Okay, you roll the window down.
Yep. And Gruzak makes eye contact with you? Yep.
Ah, buddy! Hi there. Okay. He sticks his metal
claw in through one side and hoists himself up
on that little rail. You can tell he's on his
tiptoes. Hummers are cool like that. And he's
just a few inches from your face. You can smell
just a rotten mix of cigar smoke and someone
who has a strictly raw meat diet, but doesn't
brush his teeth. And he says, I owe you some
money, huh? For some damages around the back.
That's right. We do need to that. That's why
I almost forgot. Thank you for reminding me very
good of you, sir Why don't the two of you come
by my estate later? Here's the address very good.
I like your new vehicle. What happened to the
last one? One for every day of the week part
of the damages was my old vehicle got damaged
He nods and he says, you know, I thought I was
the only one who made these things I've never
made one that looks like this interesting well
Isn't it very much so when you when you're as
powerful as mr. Ham is oh you can buy anything
Well, I'm excited to have the inventor of ham
in my house. I'll bring my best ham I look forward
to it. Yes this this car here that we are driving
Japanese make He stares at you for a long second
his gaze sort of unwavering and he goes mm -hmm
sounds great as he drops the piece of paper into
your car with the address, lowers himself, and
begins heading back up the stairs into the building.
We've never been so fucked. We've never been
more fucked than we are right now. Have a good
one. And ham you later. Fuck. And you're down
in the pits. Keela, did you go back to sleep?
Um... I need to buy some things. Okay. So I'm
still awake, I guess. Let's start with that quickly
then. Yeah, it'll be really fast. When they left,
you left to do this. Yeah. What is it? I need
some rope. I want some oil. I want some matches.
I want a bag of gunpowder and I would like some
manacles. So that's me. You see all that going
down the grocery line? You wouldn't quite have
that but I'm keeping that in my back pocket cuz
that's so fun It's hilarious. Amazing. Yeah,
so you you find a general store across the street.
It's not very far at all You step out of the
glass stallion look right look left and on the
corner about 300 feet away, you see a sign that
says Rusty's General. Cool. That's where I'm
heading. You walk inside, you see a nice looking
old man who walks with a slight hunch and a cane
and he's got suspenders on. He gives you a wave
and goes back to typing on some kind of like
typewriter device behind the counter and says,
let me know if you need anything. Will do, my
darling. Appreciate ya. Can I find what I need
relatively easily? Yeah, those are like some
of the most basic adventure things. I get a little
hand basket and... The adventurer aisle. Yeah,
you find one aisle that's like... Gunpowder.
Yeah, adventure essentials. It's all the stuff
that's like in the adventurer's kit. So it's
like rope, oil, all that stuff. Gunpowder, you
have to go down a separate aisle, but everything
else, you get it all and you put it into a basket.
It's a very modern shopping experience. This
old man is working on his thing the entire time.
You get up to the checkout counter and he's like,
all right, what? What's see what you have here?
OK, rope. Pretty standard handcuffs. You playing
police officer later. He moves that over and
he goes, ah, gunpowder, huh? Except for all the
guns and he just does that. Yeah, that's that's
pretty cool. You know, it's weird that they restrict
magic, but let people just walk around with guns.
Yeah, I I sort of inclined to agree with it,
but you know, I'm not gonna be kicking up a fuss
about it Yeah, all right. I might later. I don't
know. There's a town meeting in I don't know.
I just don't feel safe with you coming in here.
Do you mind actually? Like closing your jacket
so it's harder for you to get to your guns. Yeah
I'm I'm happy to do that for you. I don't plan
on like sticking you up for anything It's just
the guidance that make me uncomfortable All right,
so button a couple buttons on the front of her
coat so you can't see the guns anymore Thank
you, and then he like moves the last item not
across the scanner Just past his line of vision
and he goes over to his little machine and presses
several buttons and he goes all right That's
gonna be 24 gold. I'm gonna give him 30 keep
the change. Oh wow That's like a lot of money
Are you sure me darling if I wasn't certain I
wouldn't have put it down Wow. All right. Thank
you. I'll put in a good word for you. You can
get a discount over at the glass stallion if
you say that good old rusty sunshine. Oh, there
we go. That actually does benefit me quite a
bit. I appreciate you doing that, my darling.
What's what's what you working on back there?
You got a funky little machine. Oh, yeah, just
the ledger of all my sales. Gonna have to write
this one down too. All right. Can I I have my
things then. Oh yeah, go ahead. You paid. You
could just... Oh, do you need a bag? That's extra.
No, I don't need a bag. Oh, okay. Yeah, sorry.
I don't want it to cost extra. They just passed
some dumb new rule. Some sort of law about plastic
bags. I cannot decide what side of the political
spectrum this man falls on. Being mad about paying
for the bags feels like it's one way, but buttoning
your coat because your guns make me uncomfortable
is sort of another... This man's complex. What
a depth in this one character that we might never
see again. No, we're coming back for Rusty. Yeah,
yeah, we need to know more. We have to. What's
Rusty's home life like? No, I don't want to talk
about it. Keela is going to take all of her little
wares and she will get out of this poor man's
hair. All right. Come back sometime. If you need
any more stuff, send your friends. Lots of stuff
here. We'll do. You got a pretty good collection.
Some extra good stuff in the back as well, Wink.
He shoots you, Wink. She stops kind of halfway
to the door. What kind of extra good stuff? Oh,
no, I didn't mean right now. I'm not. It's a
mess back there. I'd have to, I'd have to tidy
it up. Oh, wow. I don't mind a mess. Can you
give me like five minutes? So you can, so you,
the DM can think of what's in the back there
that you just sort of dangled in front of me
like bait and didn't expect me to take. All right.
Yeah. I think I, the DM would. No, what was back
there Audrey? I wouldn't just Yeah, I'll give
you a couple minutes to tidy up. It's no problem,
but really a mess mess doesn't bother me I'm
just interested in what you've got All right,
he runs to the back anyone else what do they're
he's like, please somebody cut please please
somebody No, I don't I don't know Let's let's
be back at the tavern Yeah, we walk in we all
three sit down at a table and we okay, so you're
in the bar We're in the bar. We walk in and we
put the carpet in the fourth chair at the table
And I imagine that I'm like really wanting to
play with this carpet because it's so cool, right?
It's still just like bundled up. It's bundled
up. It's sitting there and I turned to be Obi
and I was like, it's pretty good pretty good
carpet. You know, you like it. I like the color
Yeah, it's fine What does it do again? What does
it do, Blink? So Blink this entire time has been
trying to guess random words to figure out. It's
like activation word. Blink's been playing wordle
with the carpet. Under his breath, he's going
to be like abracadabra. Fly. Shazam. Just saying
random things. Why I'm glad one of these, I swear.
Well, it's supposed to fly. Ever flown before
b. Obie. Yes, you have yes on what I was kicked
Okay, was it by Q. Oh yeah, yeah, so was That's
not quite flying I flew pretty far you did yeah,
but flying I think flying means we have to be
like suspended At a certain, you know, I mean
you didn't arc grab Yep. Yep. We gotta be the
trajectory. Yes, exactly. Yeah So you want to
fly? Okay. Okay. We want to fly we want to fly
Okay, let's do it kicking goblins blink s's again
It's an activation word. Do you know it? You
know, I think I think it's like either just fly
or any old activation word And it didn't come
with the user manual. Yeah, which it wouldn't
have helped us because we've been in Swedish
anyway, so We got we got the combination lock
without the the combination zero zero zero zero
one You guys want to choose or do you want to
not know it it will be some variation of like
Some kind of like uppies I say up he's in the
car because bring No, fuck. It's uppies, dude
Yeah, if we rolled for it, I was gonna make it
uppies We got there we got there it's up you
say uppies and these carpet unfurls and springs
out into this flat almost human sands kind of
like Aladdin where it like it's tassels up right
and and stands at attention and Gains sentience
and as it does that you hear this don't you don't
have something metal clattering to the floor?
And you see a little piece of paper that is floating
down gently left to right then hits the ground
and it sits on top of this metal object That
anyone who takes a second to back up and look
at it sees that it is a small metal lamp No,
it's fucking I'm gonna grab it Blinks gonna look
even like more pale grab the lamp and the piece
of paper on top of it falls off You're looking
at the piece of paper. Yes. I'm examining the
situation So you grab the lamp and the piece
of paper the piece of paper just says uppies
And then you flip it over and on the other side
it says careful what you wish for I don't know
Careful what you wish for. Tim looks really stressed
out. I wish I knew what that meant. Nothing happens.
That's fucking funny though. Tell you what, for
a moment I was like, let's blow this shit up.
There's rules. Chris? Yeah, dude, what's up?
We should fill it with oil or something? Our
next steps have to be really careful. Why? What's
wrong? I'm gonna kind of like reach for the lamp.
With like shaky hands. What's up? Chris pulls
it away. What's up? Um, rub it. I have a dolly.
The lamp, right? Maybe we should go somewhere
private. The bartender is eyeing you from across
the room. Rub it and go somewhere private, huh?
Huh Chris come on BoB we're gonna go up into
the room and so now you're alone back in your
room rub this Yeah, just no one no one speak
Okay, do you have to like rub it harder? I rub
it. Okay back to Audrey or vain What? Wait, wait,
wait, wait. Just isn't that just a hard time?
They make you rub it and then they fall away.
That's a nice start to it. Before you finish.
Just like college. Did we just get edged? Is
this what edging is? No, no, no, no, no, no.
We're moving on. Now stop rubbing the lamp. Then
you as everyone is out working you are down in
the pits. What does that? What does that look
like? You know, I'd be looking for a sparring
partner If not, I have the Ravens right tell
you what you are down in the pits Practicing
on just a training dummy, but it eventually starts
to get a bit boring It's not a moving target.
You are able to slash it and then it seems After
a short amount of time, magic kicks in and mending
starts to repair this this dummy as if that's
its entire purpose is to be beaten and then repaired.
And after about an hour down there by yourself,
you hear the sound of slow mechanical whirring,
similar to when Doug is around you that starts
low and hums, then starts to wind to a pretty
quick loud. And then you hear it double and then
you hear machines begin to stomp around. And
as you are in your pit, you begin to hear metal
on metal contact as things seem to be beating
the shit out of each other. I get up and investigate.
You look over in one of the farther pits. It's
one of the deeper ones in the ground and you
see two figures, both humanoid in nature, but
clearly made of metal are in the midst of. whacking
the shit out of each other. One has one in the
headlock and is punching him in the gut over
and over again as the other robot lets out hearty
laughter and swings fists above and is punching
him above him in his head. And they both seem
to have reckless abandon for their lives as they
take countless swings at each other. And you
see, aside from these two figures, a purple skinned
tiefling overwatching everything with a device
in their hand. And they look at you looking at
their devices and give you a nod and go back
to their work pretty quickly. I look at the tiefling
and say, are you controlling both of them? They
look at you and you see them interact with their
device and both those machines grind to a stop
suddenly. And she raises her voice and says,
it's too loud to talk over them. So here's the
deal. I'm working out some bugs. Last night,
one of these Machines almost wallop to a living
man and they're only supposed to fight each other.
So, sorry if I'm a little preoccupied. Yes, they
fight. It's fun. You bet money on it. One wins
more than others, by the way. Is this, say, a
pretty accurate simulation of a real person?
No. They are much stronger and would hurt you
pretty bad if you got hit by them. His eyes lit
up. Perfect. Can I try them out? She looks nervously
at her machines and she says I guess the best
way to reset them sometimes is Complete dismantlement
so Sure, you can go for it. You're not gonna
make your fight later if one of these machines
beats the snot out of you How about this? I'll
go for one round and we do a little better right
now She considers for a second and you see her
shoot a glance across the pits towards the office
above that You know Rory is in and she says I'm
tempted but I don't think that call If you can
get his permission, I'd let you whack my robots
around not a euphemism. Stop laughing Yeah, no
Sounds fun. I'm looking for some practice whacking
things Right. Well, I'd love to help you so Maybe
go have a conversation with him. I know he's
not the best to talk to all the time. Hey, I
also know someone you might have some interest
in. He has a robot which is much bigger than
these ones. Just as strong, if not stronger.
Let him guess. He is a goblin. His eyes narrow
at that moment. We have all met Gruzak. His machines
are impressive. Yes. Nice. But no, I wouldn't
like him very much. Oh. Yeah. No. That guy's
an asshole. Oh. Then who are you talking about?
Another goblin. With machines? Yes. You'll meet
him soon enough. Tonight. In the pits. See for
yourself. Is it an enslaved elemental? I have
no idea how it works. I don't know if he knows
how it works, to be honest. Okay. Just as a warning,
if it's an enslaved elemental, I will be setting
him free. Sorry. Explain? It's wrong to possess
Golems in that way. They're not made to power
your machines. They are smart intellectual beings.
What about those? What about Gruzak? Are these
different? These are different and I think Gruzak's
newest rounds too are. These ones have life because,
well, these ones are different. Trust me. No,
you were going to say something else. Go on.
Sharing that kind of information can get me in
trouble and we're not friends yet. Maybe once
we are friends. Okay soon enough then. By the
way, what was your name? My name is Te Rava.
Nice to meet you Te Rava. And yours? It is Vayne.
Great. Well, I'll see you tonight and bring your
friend and get permission to fight these guys
and I guess I'll see you sooner. Yes, I shall.
Farewell then. He goes to walk towards Rory's
office at that point. Cool. Kila you are waiting
and you hear some noises. Oh, where did I put
it? I swear seeing him rifling through stuff
I thought it was over here. Hold on and he sticks
his head out one point. He goes I have something
just give me one sec Yeah, no worries. I think
he ducks back and you hear him ruffle through
some stuff and he goes, okay Okay, and he has
this tiny little Box it's about the size of this
dice box here, you know a little three inch What'd
you say three inch three by five three by five
five three. Yeah, I see. Okay. Well three by
five inch box and It is solid dark wood and he
goes check this out He flips around he shows
it to you and he looks like he's about to open
it like he was the one would display a Necklace
or something to you a client at a jeweler now
Try to contain your excitement and he opens the
lid and there is a white piece of paper, a small
card that is flat white. That corner is bent
a little bit, but it's like uncomfortably white.
You realize that the box had you're casting a
shadow on the box, but where the card is, that
shadow is just gone and it's just like a bright
white. And only at a very faint angle do you
see a very lightly embossed W on it. And he goes,
Well, what do you think about that little lady?
Pretty cool stuff. I mean, it's sort of interested
in the way that the is magic. What kind of magic?
Oh, I don't know. But check it out. Look, you
see how it I mean, yeah, it sort of takes it
out of the box and he like covers it with his
hand. He's like, see, you can see it no matter
what. It could be pitch black. Even in your condition.
And he doesn't seem proud of himself for saying
what he said, but he puts it back in the box.
What do you mean by condition? Do you mind explaining
it to me? I don't think I get I don't think I
get what you're implying is Is there maybe something
wrong with me that I'm not noticing that you'd
like to bring to my attention? I think I just
forgot what I said. I'm so old I think this man
You can tell you can tell rusty to make a deception
check rusty does not need to All right, what
it doesn't do anything other than just be sort
of bright. Do you have any practical sort of
use for it? Hold on, I'm not just selling. Yeah,
I'm not just selling you a flash card. I was
getting to it. Come on. All right, then get to
it. Well, the lad who dropped it off said that
it gets you into a party uptown. And well, I've
I've sold it to a few people, but they always
end up returning it because they say they can't
find the party. Oh, interesting. So skill issue
is what I'm hearing. That's that's what I would
say. You don't have any sort of General direction
just you just know that the party is what on
the upper side of town. They say What was all
shit? There was a riddle that went with it something
about Dead quiet. I don't know something like
that Does that make any sense to you? Does that
mean anything dead quiet? No, but I can figure
it out Okay, how much for the flashlight card?
Oh, you really want to buy it? Okay, let's call
it. Oh, why are you so surprised? Do people not
want to buy it often? Well, it's just that most
people don't want things that come with a minigame.
I don't know why I got Western there. Welcome
to Turntails. Welcome to Turntails. Yee -haw.
I like a wee bit of a challenge. Besides, if
nobody can find the party, it really makes me
think that I could. I don't like a party. Well,
okay, then how about 600 gold? And that's a free
invitation to a real cool party. Six hundred
gold. They say it's the best party ever. Who
says it? The people who can't find it. Well,
yeah, it's like that legendary. Ask around before
you buy it. It'll be here. Right, because I don't
think people are paying six hundred gold for
a card. Hey, well, you know, it's here. Maybe
you'll get your own somehow. They say people
get invited all the time. I never seen it, but.
All right, I'll make you a deal. I've got some
activities tonight where I think that I'll be
coming into quite a bit of money. How about you
just set aside for me and I'll pop back tomorrow
with some winnings and then we can go back over
the card thing and I'll pretend like you didn't
make a dig about me one eye. Alright, that works.
I was actually trying to think of my way out
of that, so I'm glad you thought of it for me
Happy to help me darling, so just set that aside.
Don't sell it to anyone else cuz I don't know
anyone else no Until tomorrow when I come back
what if they? If they offer me a lot of money
for it. I'm telling you to just wait 24 hours
She unbuttons the two buttons on her coat again
that she buttoned up so nice Okay, go ahead and
make an intimidation check instead Not a sexy
check? No, she buttoned up her clothes to hide
the guns. But my persuasion's better. Yeah, but
then you brandish your weapon at him and go,
this is persuasion, right? I forgot about the
weapons. I forgot about the plethora of weapons.
Mean to me. I'm not mean to you. Oh, why are
you bullied dirty 20? He goes all right fine.
Oh, I'll do it for you. Just 24 hours. That's
all I'm asking for Tomorrow 600 it'll be when
you get back then Great, and then we can talk
about it. I don't know why I'm Western all the
time. All right, cool I am good at Rusty's I
think he leaves she goes back to the bar. I Could
go beat the shit out of vain. That might be fun
But I won't get a long rest before tonight, so
I'm not gonna do that okay, so you head back
to the bar. Yeah you Chris you rub the lamp I
rub the lamp I use my I use my thumb and I go
The lamp begins to rumble very gently in your
hands and then a soft light blue smoke comes
out of the top of the lamp, not the top, the
spout of the lamp. I put it on the nightstand.
And as you put it down, the smoke gets thicker
and begins billowing out wildly. And you see
the smoke begins to take the shape of a man.
It doesn't quite ever get solid, but you can
see the silhouette of a humanoid. But the eyes
are a brilliant bright white. And the smoke is
swirling in a very condensed way that he does
have a mass and form, but not quite solid like
you could touch him. And he looks around and
takes in his surroundings and looks at all of
you and his eyes lock on Blink. Is this cousin
of yours? This excited smile on his face drop
to disappointment, maybe, as he locks eyes with
Blink. When Chris asked that, you could see a
single tear kind of like forming in his eye.
Blink's going to look at the genie, trying to
look strong, but like a little shaky. I've been
looking for you for a long time. Drama! You say
drama, and you see this smoke figure turn its
attention towards you, Chris. And he says, you
are the one that rubbed my lamp. Super Ham, what's
up? So I will be addressing you for my time here.
What is your name, friend? Cut the tension with
a knife. My name is Chris. What's yours? Chris,
my name is Algier. Algier? And it seems you find
yourself in a bit of a pinch. What? Chris, don't
listen to him. Well, why else would you rub a
genie's lamp unless you were feeling the fuck's
a genie? The like smoke turns and looks at the
other two people. Well, he's like waving his
hands. Hit it, kid. A genie is a magical creature
from fairy tales that can get you anything you
want in the world with no ill repercussions at
all. That's exactly correct. Everything is good
if you have a genie. Blink is going to take out
his quarterstaff. Everything's cool. Yes, because
we have a genie now. I'll cheer. Turn me back
turn you back You see this gets his attention.
He looks at you and he says there's no way to
reverse what you are Your parents knew that it's
not my fault Trust me kiddo. I Wouldn't have
you around if it was up to me, but they couldn't
help but stay away so their Little boy got turned
into you and it's not all bad people will maybe
hate you but Just channel that. Run with it.
Back in the lamp. Back in the lamp. And I tell
me to get back in the lamp. Back in the lamp.
Is that one of your wishes? How do you go back
in the lamp? Oh, when I feel like it, I will.
But I'm having a conversation with what's kind
of my son. Now I get it. Now I get it. Now are
you wishing me back in the lamp or may I finish
my conversation? Don't wish for anything, Chris.
What happens if we don't wish for anything? Does
it just stay kind of like in the lamp out of
the lamp? Like, I'm not really here. Is that
not clear? No, you're just channeling a little
bit of my time. I'm going to swing at him. Oh,
OK. Would I roll? I'm not going to have you roll
because no matter what, even if you had the best
time to get out and go, it passes right through
them. You see that miss dissipate and then sort
of reform and he goes, oh, temper. Anyway, where
are you? Where am I? You're not here? No, I've
got better things to do than show up here, actually.
So where are you? I'm a busy man. I've got other
people who called me for wishes. There's lots
of lamps out there. Not to mention, I've got
just better ways to use my time. What if two
people rub at the same time? I can split my consciousness.
You think I'm some little human mortal? Do you
get half as... Smart when you split your consciousness,
I don't have to answer that unless you want to
wish for the answer to that I think if we go
get like five or six lamps and rum all I've been
looking for a lamp for like four years. They're
not that easy to find is this your dad In a sense
Dude seems like maybe you guys should have this
conversation with me in the other room So, uh,
we're going to find you. No, we're going to have
this conversation here. If you don't want to
be here for it, go in the lamp. All right. And
he goes into the lamp. Can he come back out of
the lamp when he wants you to wipe the lamp again?
Score. Why didn't we wish for something? I'm
really confused. B .O .B., Blink is obviously
a little upset. Oh, yeah. He was he was he was
kind of being mean to you. Yeah. Which and we
don't like being mean to any. Oh, yeah. No, I
thought that was kind of mean. But. It's a genie
I Hear you I hear you and it can grant us all
the wishes can ever want forever and I've got
some good ideas, too What are you gonna wish
for? That's a fun game. What are you gonna wish
for? Oh, I think I might go for if you wish from
him. I will kill you Blink is like he's like
quietly crying good luck finding the lens without
us blink. Are you what's the problem? Are you
part genie? You can't just ask people that! The
camera just sits on Blink, the blue -skinned,
floating, white hair, but lad, and it just sits
there for a long term, and then it cuts back
to you. You are part Genie! He made me that way.
Okay, like, you're so mysterious and brooding,
but like, what is the deal? How did he make you
that way? Did you wish for something? No, no,
no. When... When my mother was pregnant with
me, my parents, they were archaeologists of type.
The story my dad told me was they found him in
a temple and he changed something in my mom.
And when I came out, I looked like this. And
she couldn't handle the birth. I see. So I ran
away once I was old enough, and I've been looking
for him. Okay. Help me, Chris. Oh, I'm looking.
Trust me, I want to. Where is he? I don't know,
but this is the closest I've gotten. Why don't
you just wish for him to come here? Fuck. Yobi,
that's a really good idea. Oh. One that we should
do after we wish for a couple other things first.
Oh. Like Blink's mom back. His wishes are, they're
not quite right. He'll find a way to change it.
Am I, if I wish for something, are you like the
genie? Fuck. Yeah, I'm so sorry. I will be. You
have to outsmart Sean. Am I smarter than Sean?
Not a lot of people are. Don't say that. It's
true. So you say that the genie just gives you
what you want, but it's not gonna be what you
want? So you have to just find a way to make
the genie give you what you want. But in a way
that is so absolute that they cannot alter it
beyond what you want. OK, so cut here, Vane.
You are going up the stairs to Rory's office.
You see him in a very similar position when you
first climb these stairs. But he quickly stops
his quill and looks up at you and he goes, All
right, straight to business again. What'll it
be? Hey, what do you know about that tiefling
down there? Te Rava. She's been quite helpful
lately. She keeps things, uh... Well, you make
a lot more money when it's not people constantly
getting the snot beat out of them. Have too many
fight nights in a row, and you know that last
night of the month, no one's really fighting.
Magic healing helps, but too many hits. You start
to feel on the skeleton. Now, um... Teyrava just
rigs those mechanical guys to fight each other
forever, and those two robots would not rather
do anything than beat the absolute snot out of
each other. Well, I was asked to come up here
to ask for permission to fight these robots.
I just want to test out my personal skills. There's
no one else around right now, so I figured it
was worth a try. Okay... I just, uh... I might...
Alright, and he gets up and he moves over to
a filing cabinet and you he opens it and you
see him flick through a few folders and pull
out a sheet of paper and he puts it on his desk
and he puts out a Pen he says we need you to
sign this way I read the entire waiver if the
robots kill you and beat the son out of you.
They're not responsible for it. That is the Down
of it you sign it goes. Okay, great. Anything
else as he seems pretty impatient and like he
wants to get back to his work No, no I'll be
seeing you Absolutely. And he marches off quickly
back to his desk. I actually wanted to go find
B .O .B. and kind of ask him about this whole
enslavement of elementals thing. How about you're
coming upstairs right as Keela is coming back?
That way all of our paths cross at the same time
and you all head upstairs together. Wait, wait,
will the genie have been gone before they get
back? Yes, the genie is in the lamp. Because
I would have wanted to have a chat with them
before we met back up with them. Sure. Sure.
So they are heading up the stairs indefinitely
until you guys are ready to have them join the
scene. Cool. OK, let's go back to the guys upstairs
who are set unaltered, unchanged in a way that
even the genie can't fathom that he could find
a loophole within the the the context of the
wish that that was actually a really Good explanation
of how it works, B .O .B. Can it be done? I mean,
if you find the right words, yeah. But look,
I'm going to pick up the lamp and I'm going to
attach it to a hoop inside my jacket. I don't
want it to be visible. I just want it to be easy
access on me at all times. Or a necklace, however.
Just let me hold on to this until we figure this
out. For the love of God, please don't tell Keela.
Why not? She'll take it. I promise you. And we
don't like when Keela takes our stuff, do we?
No, no, no, no. Has she done it to all of us?
At least she's tried to. Yeah, maybe. But you
don't want it. I don't want to not tell Keela
things at the same time, though. Guess you have
to choose bilby. Who do you like more? Do you
like blink? I don't know how you're gonna solve
it I Don't think we should keep secrets from
our friends. That's that's on okay, so if she
asks about the lamp you could tell her okay Wait
perfect. Yeah. Yeah, this seems fair. Yeah cool
Chris. This is what I've been wanting my whole
life Okay, well, what do you want like like?
You want to show the genie like a color swatch
and say, I'll have this skin. Like, is that is
that what it is? Or you want your mom back? What
would you wish for? What is your wish? No wish.
No wish. Just revenge. Just want him to know
how he ruined lives. Oh, I can just tell him.
I think he knows. I think he doesn't care, which
is hard to hear. But like, if he doesn't care,
that's not your problem. Blink is gonna look
angry but kinda shut down. I get it though, trust
me, I get it. Let's talk about it later. I wonder
if a genie can make a wish to a genie. We really
need another lamp. That'd be fun. We could wish
for the location of another lamp. That's a fun
experiment. Yeah, I'm all about the experiment.
I think you hear footsteps coming up the stairs.
Alright, we'll talk later, we'll talk later.
Only if she asks. Only if she asks. If people
are looking at me funny, how do I fit in better?
I don't get like what am I supposed to do? Here's
the thing, here's the thing mate. It's not about
fitting in. You don't have to. Nobody's forcing
you to do that shite. It's actually more fun
in the long run if you don't, if you just like
there's a time and a place to blend in, sure.
But other than that, just keep rocking mate.
Alright. I'm rocking man. You guys are walking
into the room while that all happens. Oh, I feel
like you live in Hey, what what you guys have
been like a secret club meeting or something?
Do I even need to insight check this mother fucker?
I'll insight check him my insights not that you
want to roll a deception on you have to 18 15
oh 17. Nice. What'd you get, Vane? 18. Okay,
so you can tell V .O .B.'s not telling the whole
truth. Yeah, we picked up the mask in the carpet.
Yeah! This carpet is sick. The carpet is sick.
Watch this. Nope, uh, Ubi's. Like, he's gonna
loudly just talk over V .O .B. Whoa, it blew!
That's pretty sick. Have you taken it for a spin
out in the air or anything? No, but we're about
to. No, we've been really busy. Busy with what,
B .O .B.? Does that count if I... Nope, we just
got back from... And we wanted to... It took
us a minute to figure out the carpets activation.
It's upies. Yeah, that's what he said. Has anybody
ever flown on one of these before? I imagine
it's probably not that hard to steer. There's
not like a rudder on it or anything. No sail
situation. I think you just say go. And it goes
where you want it to go. How did you figure all
that out? It took us a while to trust us. Oh,
okay. We tied to make at least four guesses.
At least. Dang. Well, cool. Yeah. Almost as cool
as... Wait, no. You guys? I feel like there's
something you're not saying and like you keep
almost getting there, but then Blink talks over
you. I don't know what you mean. Look, I have
another question for you as well. Oh, okay. Your
old Doug thing. Like, how does that actually
work? Oh, Doug's not a thing. Doug's Doug. All
right. Never mind. We'll get back to that later.
What are you guys hiding? What's going on? You
guys are hiding something. I think so. What are
you talking about? I think everything's pretty
out in the clear. There's yeah, everything. Everything's
out in the open. There's nothing. This is it.
This is everything that you see. Everything you
see is what we're doing. What's the problem?
I mean, other than maybe things that are on our
bodies. So. All right. I actually don't care
about what's happening up here anymore. I decided
that actually it doesn't matter to me, whatever
you're doing in your secret boys club. Why is
that such a relief for you, B .O .B.? Suddenly
I'm interested again. What? You guys got to stop
telling him things if you're trying to keep things
hidden. We didn't tell him nothing. They didn't
tell me anything. I just... Keila, if we wanted
to keep anything hidden, we'd just keep it on
your left side. Not cool. Was that fun for you?
Do you feel better now? I know you sort of had
like a moment earlier. I seem to really get under
your skin. Did that really make you feel better?
You feel like a better person after making fun
of my disability? I think you should - I'll have
you know that this happening to me was incredibly
traumatic for me, and for you to fucking go on
and make fun of it is kind of shitty of you.
We'll call it even. I think you should - Hey,
I respect the fuck out of it. It was funny. I
almost whooped a storekeeper for making the same
one, but I'm thinking, I'm thinking he did, he
did sort of, he drew attention to the eye thing,
but I was able to use that to my advantage. He's
got a thing in the back that I do sort of want
to buy from him. Oh, what's the thing? It's,
it's a sort of a, it's a sign, it's this white
little card. He said it was magic. I don't really
care about that, but he said that there's, it's
like an invitation to a party, but nobody can
ever find where the party is. But I think I could
find where the party is, but he wants 600 golf
for that fucking thing. I have 600 gold. Let's
do it. I want a party and I was with you. I was
with you until 600 gold. Well, what kind of party
is it? Yeah. Wait, wait, you'll be yeah, you've
got 600 gold. Sure. Oh, boy. They didn't make
us pay for anything. They didn't make you pay
for the carpet and what was in the carpet and
and the mask and what do you mean? Fuck yeah
boy, and she points. What was up a finger for
be able to stop talking and she points it Chris
and blink What does he mean? What was in the
carpet? See this is why you can't be telling
me everything I'm just gonna pull out the paper
that said he's on it. All right, never mind.
I don't care back to my thing. You got 600 goals
Yeah, yeah, you'll be do you want to go to a
party with parties? Great. All right, you'll
be and I are gonna go run an errand real quick.
I have a question I have an answer how much fire
will be at this party I have no idea. Well, typically
there's a lot of fire at parties. What kind of
parties are you? You're getting invited to parties.
Well, I've never actually been invited to the
party. I've just seen the party when they go
into villages and they set everything on fire.
Oh no, that is not the same party. us kind of
sounds like a party to me. I've had quite a few
like that as well. I've just never been to one
of those. So that kind of always sounded like
something. Yeah, I think, you know, apparently
it's a very renowned party. If you ask people
about it, I'm not in the business of that. I
just sort of want to find the place. I feel like
it'll probably be cool. So how about she, she
holds her hand to hold your hand. Okay. How about
you go with me? Come with me. We're going to
run a wee bit of an errand. Make sure you bring
that 600 gold. Yeah. And, uh, B .O .B. and I
will be right back, my darlings. Okay. Bye guys!
Have fun with your life! Sick invite, Keela!
Yeah, thanks! You guys can come to the party
also, but B .O .B.'s got the 600 gold that's
gonna get us in, so... You know, I'll come with.
Alright, let's go to the party. No, we're not
going to a party right now We're just going to
buy you the thing from the guy guy has the thing
that gets us to the party that gets us to the
fire Because I was good. He's got it on hold
for me. That's where the eye thing came into
play right now No, we're not going to the party
right now. We got fight pits later. I've got
things to do Where the party is we're not going
I know that's that's the allure of it because
nobody can fight in the fucking thing But I definitely
think I could get back out so we can wish for
that There's like no we don't need to Bring him
back out so you can wish for what? I'm sorry?
What? We wouldn't even go to a party right now.
Keila's like... I wish I could go to a party
too. I think we should get the invite. I really
wish we could go to that party. Yeah, all right.
Biobi, you just bring your 600 gold. We're gonna
go talk to my friend. You don't have anything
you can wish for. I don't know. All right. At
this point, I know there's something super weird
and I really don't care enough to ask. So Biobi,
bring your 600 gold with me. We're gonna go talk
to my friend Rusty and we're gonna get that invite.
But then we're gonna go do some fight pit stuff.
He's gonna go to Doug and just knock on the briefcase
Doug 600 gold for a party Doug Can it be like
a slot machine this time though? One at a time
it like floods over B. Obies like covered in
it for a second You might want to keep the 600
in the that's quite a lot of gold to carry Doug,
open up. Let's just slide it back in. Feed it
all back in. Yeah, yeah. We're going to get the
gold out when we go talk to Rusty. I should wish
for unlimited gold. That would be great. Oh,
that's a good idea. Lots of us wish for lots
of things, B .O .B. But like I right now wish
that you would hold my hand and we can go talk
to Rusty and get that party invitation. Understood.
I grab a briefcase, Doug, and I take the hand
and OK. And then we go to Rusty's. To buy that
thing you pop in the rest doesn't have to be
a whole long thing. Yeah, you see your old man
He sees you he goes. Oh You're ready to get you.
You know get down with your bad self. You know
I sure am I'd got so excited about going to a
party that I just couldn't wait the 24 hours
So I've got that 600 gold here for ya if you
don't mind Swapping it with me for that nice
little magic invitation you go or something.
He grabs the box he Spins around shows you it's
still in there closes it Puts on the counter
hands it to you. I'll take my gold now. Great.
You'll be go ahead. Give them on the 600 gold.
600 gold, Doug. And then bing, bing, bing, bing,
bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing,
bing, bing I'll keep this gold for 14 days. After
that, it's mine. You can't return the invitation.
Oh, so if I can't find it in 14 days, I just
get me money back? That's correct. Oh, you should
have led with that me, darling. I wouldn't have
gone and come back. I would have just given you
the 600 dollars. I figured since I told you everyone
was returning it that you knew. Sorry. That's
on me. Yeah, it is. Anyway. Appreciate your service.
Make sure you type all this in your wheel at
a ledger. Oh, I will if you find the party. Maybe
you invite Rusty. What's a ledger? It's a thing
where you put things. It's anyway Yeah, sure.
Sure. I'll keep you in mind me darling. I appreciate
you a little box off the counter and I Tuck it
inside my coat. They say don't do any of the
blue dust is what I hear I'll tell you where
the party is when we find it Okay, then you can
go to all right and make as many fires as you
want. All right. This guy is pretty nice We're
scary and evil. Oh, yeah, but look at that. Will
you face you could just? Kick him. Yeah, you
could I'm all right Hands up Hold his hand I'm
not an evil person And then as we're walking
back to the glass tally and I'm still holding
biobies hand See see how fun that was biobie
and this party's gonna be even more fun You just
keep trusting me and I'll keep bringing you to
fun things. Yeah, that was really fun. I got
to talk to someone Yeah, you got to talk to somebody
and we're gonna go to a party and that was money
well spent wasn't it? I gave him gold you did
you gave him gold and now we're gonna go to a
fun party see biobie when you trust me When I
say that this is gonna be money that's worth
something, and we're gonna do fun things, if
you trust me, you get to come along to these
fun things with me, right? Well, yeah, that makes
sense. Really, I trust you more than I trust,
I think, almost everyone else at this point.
Really? Yeah, well, can I tell you something?
Absolutely, B .O .B. You can tell me anything,
my darling. Oh, the other night, Chris and Blink...
They made me touch that lens and then something
bad happened. Like the lens that got stolen?
Yeah. What kind of bad thing happened when you
touched it? I don't know. It was like I fell
into a dream. I touched it and then it was like
I was dreaming and then there's a really awful
person in there and then he was really mean to
me and he said really mean things to me like
I didn't like I didn't Oh, all right. Don't go
start crying now. All right You know what? But
then before then Chris said I deserve this I
was really confused by All right, the OB, she
lets go of your hand, but she pats you on the
head. Here's the wee lesson on life, me darlin'.
I'm real sorry that that confusing thing happened
to you. I feel like confusing things probably
happen to you a lot, and I can see how that could
get overwhelming for someone like you, but there
are a lot of bad people in the world. And it's
sort of an unfortunate truth about things, but
as long as you can see it coming, you know, you
can be prepared for it. I'm sorry someone said
mean things to you, but you also probably should
get used to that as well. Just because then if
you get used to it when it happens to you, it
doesn't bother you. And that takes all the power
away from the people who are saying the mean
things. People say mean things about me all the
time. Like all the time. That's true. But you
know what it doesn't do? Bother me. Not in the
slightest does that mean Chris and blink are
bad people what cuz they say mean things sometimes
No that they made me do the thing that made the
bad things happen Did they know that bad things
were gonna happen to you when they made you do
it? I don't think so if they didn't know then
like you can't really say that they're bad people
for that reason Specifically, but are they just
again while we're having this honest conversation.
They're hiding something aren't they? See now
choosing to lie about things and forcing your
friends to lie about things when they don't want
to They did tell me I'm not lying But they also
said that if you ask about it, then it's okay
Then this is only formally asking about it biob
and so you can choose to lie to me right now
But that's I I wouldn't because they said that
I didn't have to lie if you asked about but I'm
confused because they said the specific thing
when you have to ask about the lamp and then
but I just What about the lamp, B .O .B.? Oh,
there it is. This is me formally asking you about
the lamp that they tried to keep hidden for some
reason. I'm so tired of trying to follow these
things. I know. You guys are doing so good. I
know. Why does everyone want to tell lies to
each other? Because people are selfish, B .O
.B. People are selfish. This is a long conversation
to have between Rusty's and the Glass Stallion.
Maybe not. How far is it? They could have stopped
outside. I imagine they would have stopped in
the street and like yeah, I think when he started
crying it was like At some point I want to notice
and and intervene notice them in the street and
go out there and see what they're talking about
What's going on put a timer in? Okay, because
you have said like hey, they've been gone for
a while and you're getting nervous I'll set a
timer and you at the end of 60 seconds can can
get in there fair. Yep. All right starting right
right now In the magic carpet, there was a lamp.
And Blink seemed really upset about it. Then
Chris took it and then rubbed it. Rubbed the
lamp. Rubbed the lamp. And then a guy came out
of it. He said he was a genie named Algier. And
I was like, wow, that's really amazing, because
genies can grant you wishes. But Blink was really
upset. Oh, if you don't know, in fairy tales,
Horner actually told me about a genie that he
found. Genies grant wishes? Yeah. And they grant
you whatever you want. And nothing bad can ever
happen, because genies are great. Anyways, blink
was upset by the genie because he's a genie and
um blanks a genie so he can like grow wishes
and shades No, I don't think so. Anyways blink
wanted to attack the genie, but the genie wasn't
there really and That was it. All right. Well,
here's the thing biobi I won't tell them that
you told me unless you want me to but if you
think that it will bother them We can keep hey,
what's up? What's up biobi I should have just
texted that to you Yeah, you shoulda. Yeah, you
shoulda. Smart. What's up? You got the party?
We're going to the party now? We're going to
the party! Yeah. Well, we're not going to the
party right now. I'm gonna probably... So you
gave her money for nothing? No, we have the invitation
for the party. We've got to find the party. You
have to be invited to go to a party. I know that
for sure. Apparently it's like a really exclusive
thing. I don't really know. I just know that
other people can't find it and I think I can.
Interesting. But I've got plans tonight after
that. Then I'm totally open to, like, an after
-party thing. Have some winnings money. I'll
buy everyone around drinks maybe, too. Said something
about blue dust so there might be some extra
stuff. That sounds fun. I like stuff. Going on
as well. Right. But for now... What'd you guys
chat about? Oh, we were chatting about... B .O
.B. just stops. Just dead quiet for a second.
You guys were standing in the middle of the street
chatting about something and... Chris, why did
you make me touch the lens? Well, I thought we
talked about that, B .O .B. He didn't know that
bad things were going to happen to you. You thought
I knew bad things were going to happen? I don't
know. You said I deserve this. You deserve to
be the one on the adventure. You deserve to be
the one doing the important things because we
know how special you are. Wait, wait, wait. I'm
sorry. Did you think we meant to hurt you? I
don't know. Of course we didn't mean to hurt
you, B .O .B. One of us, one of us even touched
the lens when we first had it and nothing bad
happened to them. Oh. Blink touched it and nothing
bad happened to him. How would we have known
something bad would happen? Oh, see, I told you.
Okay. Yeah. So I can trust you and you're and
you're a good person. I sure hope I sure hope
so. We've gotten this far. You're my friend and
I don't remember the pointy game. I pointed to
you. I don't remember the pointy game. The pointy
game where we point to who trusts each other.
You trust me. I pointed to you and I pointed
to Vane. You did. Vane is trustworthy. Yeah.
Let's go back to whatever you guys were talking
about before I walked up. Well, we did talk about
the lens, and I brought up how I felt about it.
Yeah, we talked about the lens. It hurt my feelings.
And we talked about some other stuff, and I really
hope Blink's okay. From what I hear, he's pretty
upset. Yeah, go ahead and try and get Q with
him about that. See what happens. Oh, I'm not
going to. Yeah, I'll believe that when I see
it. I'm... Here because it's where the drinks
are and I can throw me fists around and sort
of get into it I don't know whatever you guys
are doing, but I'm just around and You guys happen
to be in the same vicinity as me. So I'm not
really. Oh my god. I need to go save the princess.
Oh, no I just remembered why I'm here save a
princess. Yes, that's why you're what yeah There's
a princess? Oh, hi, Blink. I don't know what
to walk up to. He's like shoving me in there.
Yeah, there's a princess that needs to be rescued.
And I was supposed to go to... Oh, no. Where
was I supposed to go? I forgot. All right. Well,
Yovi, you get some information on your princess.
I wish you the best of luck with that. I am going
to... Well, you guys are going to help me, right?
We're like... One of Hoarder's bands of heroes,
right? I'm going to level with you, mate. I am
in the market for a ship and I'm in the market
for a crew. But after that, as of right now,
I'm just needing to make some money and then
I'm going to start doing some - Heroes make money?
Yeah, I understand that. Hoarder made so much
money. That's why I'm still sort of around doing
things is because financially it has been in
my personal interest so if there's a lot like
quite a bit of money involved in the princess
thing then Sure, you know, well, let me know
Everyone knows that royalty has lots and lots
of money So if we're saving the princess then
I you get your money and and we get to stay friends
I mean what what is a crew really a group of
people who know how to race, sail, steer ships,
navigate. I'd like a good cook. Well, not like
on the boat, like a crew crew. Like we're kind
of, we're kind of a crew. Just we don't have
a boat. Here's here. I have a carpet. I need
a crew that can, you know, sort of man a ship
and no offense, but I have a feeling that you
guys wouldn't take too well to me barking orders
at you. I'm fine with that. I need to. Yeah,
I know you are. I need a crew that's gonna be
able to listen to me and sail a ship. So all
due respect. Uh, you guys are great entertainments
to keep around, but why do you have to be the
captain? No, I can't be always be the captain.
Because I'm fucking good at it, mate. You already
had a crew. I met them, right? What happened?
Oh, those yellow -bellied cowards. Uh, yeah,
they decided that they didn't want to be pirates
anymore. So they took my ship and scuttled on
home. Right. took your ship. You were the captain
of that seems like I let them take it because
otherwise they weren't going to be able to. Mutiny
is the word you're looking for. And you know
what, Chris, you're exactly right. It was a mutiny
in a sense of like they simply just didn't want
to be pirates anymore, which is. Quite a bit
of cowardice if you ask me and I told them I
told them as they were taking it but they're
content to go home and sit on their arses and
Crab fish for the rest of forever. And you know
what I as a very generous understanding and empathetic
captain I said, you know what you go on home
then that's quite. All right. I will keep doing
what I am doing You can go home and be comfortable
and that's okay. And so I let them take the ship
and go back home Yeah, I'll be I'm sorry your
friends didn't want to play pirates anymore with
you It wasn't very fun You know what some games
just aren't for everyone be old be some people
just can't cut it. That's true That's all right,
because now I'm here and this city is quite big
and I guarantee I'm gonna be able to find some
Some hardened sailors who are actually gonna
be able to keep up with the level of pirate and
I'm trying to do here Kila besides besides the
money. Yeah Like, people could get a job anywhere,
but, like, why, why pirating for you? Because
it's fun. Well, what's fun? The adventure? Here's
the long and short of it, Blink. I got people
at home that are reliant on the money that I
bring in. I got people that are counting on me
for the money that I bring in. You're married?
You have kids? No. Who are the people, then?
You know, I, like, have a home in shite. I, like,
know people. have none of you ever heard of benthos
it's sort of you know up where it's cold as shite
and it's kind of small there's probably a couple
hundred people that live there dead stairs from
everyone but there i was sort of like the biggest
source of income for the island and as shitty
as the people are there i don't want them to
starve and as generous as i am i give them quite
a large cut of the the money that i bring in
but as far as it being fun it's just fun mate
you get to improvise and you don't really have
to answer to anybody and you do what you want
and you go where you want. And yes, B .O .B.
Yeah, B .O .B.'s hand goes up, he says. I'll
play Pirates with you. Thanks, B .O .B. I appreciate
that, you know what? I'll be your first mate.
You people really misunderstand a lot of the
gravity of the situation. Anyway, happy to explain
Pirates in another day, but for now... I've do
you do you ever do you ever help your crewmates?
I just love talking Like like if your crewmates
have a problem, do you help them? It is quite
literally my job to fix it But only if they're
part of her crew that she chooses I'll be part
of your crew Kila Yeah, this I'm gonna be honest
this whole concept of um working together pretty
new to me as well Never Alright, you guys seem
to be romanticizing Hold on, I've never had this
You can't, we can't Like, my thing is that We
can't end this right now, I mean We know each
other so well now You're the one who was asking
why we're together True, but like I changed my
mind I don't know It's on the barrel of being
alone Something deep inside me I was just thinking
and I like you guys Oh, I like you too, and I
give them one of these You guys really seem to
be romanticizing the the pirating thing blink
for starters Here's here's here's why this isn't
gonna work I'm gonna loop back around to the
whole you have to do exactly what I tell you
thing and You people seem to have a problem with
that Yeah, but we have a lot of problems and
you said you would help us fix them. You said
that would be your job the problem I'm not fixing
is you hate and having to listen to me blink.
I kill a lot of people all the time All the time.
And it's fun for me. So you have to get really
okay with that really quickly. Did you catch
that, B .O .B.? What? Anyway. You caught that,
yeah? Why? Why is that fun? I mean, it's the
act of doing it isn't fun. It's just and you
know what? Here's the thing. I always give them
a choice. I always give them a choice. There
is always an option of give me all your money
and I won't scuttle your shit. But if you're
just like goblin, um, that's what goblins do
Sure, if you want to relate it to something in
your life that you understand a wee bit better
That's all that goblins do is we say give me
all your money And sometimes they don't say that
sometimes he just starts that see I will always
tell them that we can you know Do this my way
and if we do it my way It's gonna go easier for
people and and if they don't want to do it my
way Well, then we do it my way part B. It's fun
Alright, so we're a crew. We'll help you guys
in the fight and we'll just figure out how to
get to the Feywilds Everyone in and I'm gonna
put my hand in the center Boys on three I think
Hila turns around and goes in the tavern. Okay
Ah, we can't really do it now. The four of you
are limply sitting there with your hands. We
can do a small one. Boys. Boys. Boys. Boys. That
wasn't very good. As we're going back into the
tavern, I'm going to pull Blink back. And I'm
going to say, B .O .B. told her about the limp.
His face is going to drop fully told her. Oh,
yeah. She made a comment to me. Do you want me
to hold it? Because if she searches you, she's
going to find it. And as far as B .O .B. knows.
You have it. I think she's less likely to try
something with me than with you. Oh, alright.
Just know I'm here for you, brother. I can trust
you? That's the last thing I say. I'm just gonna
go. Unless you stop me, I'm gonna go. I'm gonna
say that and just watch you walk away. That's
so sad. We're gonna jump to the actual fight
pits. I'm gonna hit stop on this one. Hey, baby,
what that thing do Can you bounce on it? That's
good. I'd like to see you bounced at us We did
the borat say the line as Borat I want you to
bounce on it That's really good. I want you to
bounce on Audrey if you would like to no pressure.
It is your turn to say I want you to bounce on
it as Dracula as Dracula I Don't like being put
on this spot. It fills me with extreme anxiety
Absolutely, so I will not be doing absolutely
next time Tim I Want you to bounce on it What
do you mean embarrassed yourself nice we could
all play some pretty sexy Dracula's I think it's
pretty good hit me with them five pits Then what
fight pits right the game. Sorry, right? We came
back from a break and that's where we ended up
down bad Dracula. I don't know Fight pits it
The sun goes down and as the tavern fills up
and gets more lively and patrons begin buying
drinks it doesn't take a hyper observant eye
to notice people going behind the bar and disappearing
as they descend down some steps behind. You know
they're descending and through into the front
entrance of the bite pits. You are all sitting
at a table beers are dropped off the bartender
says uh first night at the pits you deserve to
relax, and it gives you all one free stein of
ale, and fucks off to go back to 10 to bar. Oh,
ah, ah, ah, sorry, no, please, can I get - B
-O -B, hey, hey, it's free. You can't go asking
for other things if someone's giving you shite
for free, it's rude. Oh, I was gonna pay for
it. Well, if you're gonna go pay for it, then
that's fine. Oh, it's fine, I'll just look at
it. I look at Keela and I say, I'll race you
for B -O -B's beer. What what kind of check is
this like you guys are trying to chug as many
of the beers as possible? We're just trying to
grab the extra beer. We both want their beer
can have biobies. Oh Is that cool with you biobie?
Yeah, I don't mind sick cool. See how I'm considering
your feelings. That's nice. I'm just gonna take
it Fuck you win. Okay, you managed to pull it
away and I say splashes off onto the and I say
You're no fun. What do you mean? That was great
fun. And I say, okay, what's the plan? Okay,
you throw back two beers, you throw back one.
I'm not gonna drink mine. You can have mine.
Hey, I'm trying to keep my wits about me a wee
bit. I'm not trying to fucking die down there.
Okay, miss grabbing B .O .B.'s beer. I stand
up, break my beer glass, and say, I'm ready for
my fight. You see the bartender put her hands
up. What the fuck? Kiela sighs and gets up from
the table and goes over to the bartender and
puts like three gold on the counter as Like a
very silent apology for whatever that was She
knocks her foot on the trapdoor beneath her she
looks at you and she says how many going with
you down Kiela starts counting on her fingers
five I think You see her stomp five times and
the door opens and a guy sticks his head out
and he's like, alright, come on. Let's go. Let's
go Cool, I'm gonna go down. I'm not waiting for
these guys anymore. Oh, she's going. There she
goes. Bill B follows with his briefcase of Doug.
Here we go. Link is gonna drink like three fourths
of his beer. He does that before he fights. He's
like, he's not fighting. Oh, damn it. I keep
thinking he's fighting. He's a good boy. Violence
for fun is not his speed. Right, right. Everyone
had downstairs together. Yeah, you all head down
squeeze through the passage and you find yourself
Those of you who took this entrance the first
time squeezing through a pretty narrow stone
archway again And you see a man on the other
side at a small desk. It's literally a side table
that holds just a Clipboard of sorts have clipboards.
It's a clipboard not of sorts. It is a clipboard.
Yeah Anyway Sorry, I just got so mad what color
is the clipboard fuck you dude, it's black. It's
a black clipboard Slater wood. Okay. I'm done.
It's late. That's beautiful. I bet it feels real
nice. No, it's not sanded It's not sanded. So
it's like Flintstone style. Yeah, dude. It's
sick and cool and not Flintstone style I hate
that. Where was I clipboard? And he says No,
okay. Okay. We've done this before no great.
Who's fighting? Oh my friend? Bobby's gonna look
around what does he see around he sees off the
top of my head what I see is a stool a table
a man wearing a plate a Breastplate, I guess
it's like a light sturdy armor. There is torches
on the wall Pits in the ground, wooden posts,
support beams, beer bottles, people, laughing,
merriment. I just want to see if you'd name more
things, sorry. I hate you. So sorry. I hate you.
My friend Doug Bull. What? You just called him
Doug? The immersion he didn't like anything you
said I didn't like it either. I was like bad
bad My friend beer bottle I wasn't trying to
give the names. He asked me what he saw. Yeah
You were just you're just hurting my feelings
making a fool of me is what you See what I can
get you to do. I really give you a rock. I really
did go into it Thinking one of these things is
gonna be a really good name. Yeah Nothing was
so you always like wait. I don't need a fake
name. This is Doug fuck. Okay your friend Doug
He's gonna show up pretty soon. He's showing
up soon. Yeah, by the way together So are you
just a spectator yeah, we're a sponsor, uh -huh
Well, you have to choose one. Are you buying
people in? Yeah, I I'll buy it. I'll buy some
he'll be your Doug sponsor I am Doug sponsor.
Oh, I get it now. Okay, I'll sign you up as a
sponsor. Oh, thank you What's your name? Oh,
I'm Bo got you and the fighters Doug. No, not
you The fighters your names Captain keel. We
should be registered already. I think he looks
through and he goes ah vein Yeah to the death,
huh? Two of you? Sounds about right. All right.
Some people will be excited, I guess. Who's your
last friend here? Last two? Oh, we're just watching.
OK, spectators, you're going to gamble? Uh, thinking
about it. Maybe. You ever consider sponsoring
or helping some people who couldn't afford to
buy their way in as fighters? Not everyone has
their registration paid for by the big man. Who
can't afford it? Well, there's lots of people.
People It's kind of exclusive down here. I don't
think you understand how lucky you are to be
standing in the fight bits. I don't have a list
of names in front of me, but uh... Who's unsponsored
tonight? I can send you over to the market if
you like. People will introduce themselves to
you. I'll tell you what, they're a pushy bunch
of motherfuckers though. We'll think about it.
Okay, I'll sign you up as sponsors and spectators.
That way you can make your way back there. Cool,
thank you. I recommend you bring some cash with
you. We're good Good Chris. I don't have any
money. I got some I got your name. You owe me
though Chris then and yours a blink gotcha Chris
blink then captain keel vein and Doug is the
name and your name is uh, yeah Bob no Yeah, what
my name? My name is Pio be Then when I And I
never told you that your name is like the pronunciation
of Nevermind What? B -O -B it is then Yeah, it's
B -O -B Spell it right now And how do I spell
it? Well, the name tag that they gave me It said
B and then O and then B Okay, I thought so B
-O -B Go on in there B -O -B Yeah, just like
it sounds I gotcha Head on in. Enjoy yourselves
and make sure you can afford to pay your tabs.
The bartender should get a bit rough. I wouldn't
worry about it. You wouldn't happen to have a
place where I can go and be alone quietly for
just a couple of seconds, do you? He stares at
you for a few long seconds. He looks up. at your
friends for help in this moment because that's
like the single -handed weirdest thing like self
suspicious thing he's been asked uh okay like
for what how private there's like a corner you
can stand uh or a door you can go behind but
uh someone could come down the second entrance
at any time if you just need a couple seconds
you could roll the dice that'll be fine for you
b .o .b yeah that that'll be fine for me Wallace
is the bartender at that left bar. Tell him I
said it was OK that you sneak back there for
a second. OK. But don't fuck around. Wallace
will come set you straight. I don't even know
how to do that. All right. Are we good? So I
don't have to stand here any longer. Thank you.
OK. You guys get to enter the room. B .O .B.
would head to a dark corner to be quiet with
himself. You head to that second bar where you.
see a tired -looking elderly tiefling with really
pale red skin. He side -eyes you as you approach
the bar. Oh, hi. The person up front said I could
sneak behind the bar, but I cannot around. Nice.
Okay. He goes back to working very quickly and
dismisses you. Thank you. As I sneak behind the
bar, and then I'm just going to boop. poke the
briefcase. The briefcase will turn into a Doug
and now there is a Doug. You can only change
his form five times a day. Yes. So that's number
one. Yeah. So you have four more. You disappear
behind the bar with this tiny little suitcase
at your side and you come back out with this
giant metal friend right behind you. And the
bartender actually doesn't bat an eye. And as
you leave fairly quickly, he doesn't harass you.
Sorry, one last little thing. I would have Gone
into Doug. Oh, OK. So you're not walking with
Doug. You're just Doug. Yes. OK, you walk in
as Doug. Yes. So you are in this giant L shaped
room, two pits on the long side of the L. And
this last bit here has just a single pit. That
last pit on the short side seems to be deeper
and a bit more. That's where the robot one is
that that vein discovered earlier. That is the
basic layout. Each pit has a bar near it. You
are currently at the middle one. and you are
all registered. There are tables where people
are placing bets and little announcements being
made at each pit about how long the next fight
is, what the odds are people are gathering. I'm
trying to find the most concise way to get all
this information out, but I guess that's what
editing is for. It looks like a horse race, but
pits. It's basically a horse race, but pits and
it's, you know, what I'm picturing. You see on
small platforms on either side of the pit, there
are people standing there that the crowds seem
to be gathering to observe. It seems like these
are the fighters and the people standing around
are looking at them, almost appreciating bread
to fight. Exactly. There is a part of the room
that is called the market. That is where people
who want to fight but can't afford to are waiting
to be bought in. If they win, you get their winnings,
or at least most of it. as well as if you bet
on them you can stand to make a lot of money
off that fight. Aside from that you can just
bet on a fight. You see there is a board that
is being updated with standings and there is
going to be one fight and then all of your names
are listed presently for one two three after
that. So I guess one is the next fight of some
random name you don't know and then two three
four is you guys. But they're all happening simultaneously.
Yes. You'll find that out pretty soon. Oh, we
don't know. Yeah, technically. Yeah. Does it
say who we're up against? Yeah, it has their
name as well. Hey, who's next to my name? I need
to do a little research. It says Captain Keele
C Market Table. That's a funny name. Okay, that
doesn't tell me anything. All right. Well, I
guess I'm going to the market table because I
need a wee bit of information about this. A follower.
Cool. At that table, you see a very incredibly
attractive human. And in fact, on a longer glance,
you see that they have pointed ears and their
skin almost seems to glow. They are a half -elf.
And they look up at you and they say, you here
to buy a fighter in? Not necessarily. I'm scheduled
to fight. Oh, OK. So which one are you? Captain
Keele. Great. Let's try and move through this
quickly. I have a line. Captain Keele, you have
a proposition. You said you wanted to fight to
the death. Aye, that's correct. We only had one
person tonight that was matching all of your
stipulations and they went to your companion
Vane. So there is one person that is willing
to fight, but their stipulation would be no weapons.
Aside from that, we have plenty of people that
don't want to fight to the death. No magic? No,
no magic. Yeah, that's fine. I got no problems
with just a fist fight. You point them out to
me in sort of the lineup we've got going on just
so I know what I'm dealing with. Yeah, no, I'll
tell you his name, in fact, and points over at
someone who is watching a... No, not at Blink,
sorry. I pointed out a player and Kyle got excited
it's not a player. No, no, no, no, I'm still
excited. Oh. points over at one of the pits and
there is somebody standing up on one of the rails,
screaming excitedly as one of the people in the
pits gets the absolute snot punched out of them.
And you see teeth scatter across the ring and
the guy is screaming at the top of his lungs.
The person at the market stand is like, that's
pesky Kyle. Oh, no. Sorry, dude. It's pesky,
Kyle. No, no, it's you. I just got the name thing.
I was hoping it'd be somebody she knew. No, sorry,
and it's also your name. How is he? How is he?
How is he built? What? What? How is he built?
Like, what am I? I'm right there. I am asking
you as a DM to describe the NPC to me. It's why
I'm talking to you like Audrey. You can't see
him right now. I'm looking right at him. Audrey,
why can't you see him? The lines blur. So I'm
talking to you like Audrey and not Keyla. Fully
immersed. The lines blur. He kind of has the
body of a gym bro. He has really narrow legs,
but his top seems really big. He skips leg day.
Yeah, he does skip leg day, in fact. But he stands
like six foot four and he seems big. Yeah strength
fighter for sure. It's not a leg fight That's
fine. I already agree to it. Yeah. Yeah already
I already agreed to it before I had him pointed
out to me So great and based on pesky Kyle's
response to that fight. It seems like you might
be up sooner rather than later So why don't you
take your spot on the other side? Does pesky
Kyle do this often fight to the death? Yeah You're
the first person who's enticed him to do it to
the death, but uh Interesting. Yeah, I don't
know the peaks his curiosity All right. I guess
i'll make it fun for him All right. I got a line.
So why don't you uh, cheers? Go take your place
on that podium people need to start placing bets
on you Sounds next to me Yeah, i'll go i'll go
i'll go podium it Doug technically you're next.
Yeah, uh He looks up at the the metal armor And
he goes, bold of you to fight in the, whoa, the
plate armor? What the fuck's wrong with you?
Yeah, plate armor. I'm Doug. Okay, Doug, yeah.
Okay, this makes a lot more sense now. I thought
this was weird. We have two mechanicals that
you're supposed to fight. That doesn't make sense.
You want to fight a person? Yeah, I'm Doug. Yeah,
we... We heard you were coming. That's good.
We have a an artificer in the house. It's very
excited to meet you. Rumor has it. Well, she
thinks you're an elemental. Are you? I don't
even know what that is. OK, you seem to be here
and focus on your fight. Do you want to fight?
I hate the way that bastard names things. Edwin
Servo Slap or. Pop wire snap. I'll fight them
both. Are you sure they're rather robust machines?
Said it. They've put holes in concrete. I'll
put a hole with them. I regret to tell you that
they'll be excited about that. Oh, that's good.
Is it? OK, cool. This person stares at you for
a long while and goes. fuck it they're not real
like people technically they love dying and writes
something on a clipboard and says okay Doug enjoy
fighting two people at once i don't even know
if they'll allow it but go take your place on
the far pit okay bye people are gonna place bets
on you too thank you anyone else hey Gila um
yeah what's up you you want me to put any money
on you tonight uh if you want to make money you
certainly will yeah no i can't i just don't have
any i know Are you asking me for money? I just
wanted to see how much you'd want to put on yourself.
Well, I'd put a great amount of money on myself,
but I don't know if self -betting is a thing
that's allowed. That's why I'm offering. I am
happy to lend you some money, but I want you
to ask for it. I want you to say Keila. Actually,
you know what? I want you to say... I want you
to beg for it. Get on your fucking knees! I want
you to beg. I want you to say, Captain Keele,
I am in desperate... Desperate need of some money
and could really use your generosity. Blink walks
away. Man. Does he really? Yeah. Scene end? Yeah.
I go up to Keele and I'm like... Hey, can I have
some money so we can bet on you? Yeah, absolutely.
How much do you want? How confident are you?
I point over at what is his name? Pesky Kyle?
Pesky Kyle. Sounds familiar. Yeah, I don't. I
don't know. I'm fighting that guy. He's quite
big up top, but he seems like he skips leg day.
I don't. See these? Then we'll call him lucky
for nothing. This is suddenly an odd situation
for me. I don't know. I feel pretty good about
it. I think the thing is just not letting him
touch me. Good plan, good plan. Do you want like
50 gold? Do you want 100 gold? Do you want 150
gold? I was thinking like 300. You want 300 gold?
I'll give you 300 gold. Let's do 300. That being
said, how are we splitting these winnings? I'm
not just going to be giving you money without
a verbal confirmation. We'll do 50 -50. 50 50
50 50 but I want me 300 back. Oh, that's 75 25.
I said it is because you get 450 total I think
they're probably gonna skew odds in the favor
of that guy for some reason has a real interest
in this that I don't I don't know why but I think
the odds are gonna be skewed against me. All
right, I'm fine with that. I give Chris 300 gold.
Shake your hand 300 gold. You're betting on Kila?
Yes. Cool. Lots of people are betting on Keela
as she stands on a podium across the pit from
Pesky Kyle, who is just now climbing himself
up onto his short podium on the other side of
the pit. You can look down into this pit with
the best vantage point that you've had for a
long time. In front of you, there is a ladder
that goes straight down. They're big. They're
deep. It's about 40 feet down, 45 by 45 square
hole in the ground. That is where you're going
to fight. that is your movement and a half basically
in any direction unless you're faster. So there's
not a lot of places to run. I have a question
about the ladder. Is it like flush against the
wall? Is it built into the stone? Is there like
clearance behind it? You could put your arm behind
it, but you couldn't put your body behind it.
That's what I wanted to know. Do they leave it
there during the fight? Yeah. It's like a permanent
ladder. Yep. Doesn't remove in any capacity.
Heard. A pesky Kyle stands across from you. He
is waving to the crowd this big muscular human
man. He looks across at you and gives you the
same wave that he's giving the crowd. I think
she takes her hat off and sort of tips it to
him, acknowledges him, and then winks at him.
He bows, he looks back at you and then he points
and he mouths, you're going down as he points
downward. She just puts her arms out like, we'll
see. And he points over at the wall nearby where
there is a clock that shows a short countdown,
which in the next three minutes, you guys are
going to climb into the pit and a fight will
start. We move over to another side where Vayne
is and anyone betting could sprint from one to
another if you wanted to. Vayne, you are standing
on one side of the pit, climbed up onto a podium
and the other side remains empty for a long while.
And after a bit, you see a creature taking its
time. It is a tortle, a turtle person. As he
strolls and meanders up his podium, it seems
like it's pretty hard for him to move all of
his weight, at least quickly, up this ladder.
And as he gets to the top, he stops and he stares,
a Venkin thousand -yard stare, at you, Vayne.
And you see the people who usually gather around
to bet are all kind of like whispering to each
other. Don't really know what to do. Some of
them like immediately sprint to the betting table
and start, you know doing their business But
you have a crowd of like 30 to 40 people just
staring at you making comments whispering Nothing,
you can really pick out you even hear one person
be like he's kind of freaking me out but Before
you know it you look at that same clock and it's
at one minute You have even less time before
your fight starts any questions about this guy
standing across from you? Just investigate what
is his armor situation, weapons, all that. He
has a natural armor. It's his shell that is on
him. It seems like it will defend him pretty
well. And in his hand, you see that he has a
shield in the Morningstar. The Morningstar sits
at his hip and he doesn't even seem like he's
acknowledging you. He's kind of just staring
past you. Good luck, my friend. You'll need it.
His gaze shifts to you. You've never seen one
of these. Tortles in your life. He's got like
these dark eyes that look through you. They're
like a snake's eye not a snake's eyes like a
doll's eyes Really just beady dark slick black
eyes. It doesn't seem to portray a lot of emotion
just stares and Looks over at the clock and the
crowd begins to disperse as they lean against
the the edge and look down into the pit that
is just flat ground, no terrain, nothing to hide
behind, just a straight up place to go at each
other one -on -one. As your timer hits zero and
you see the tortle begin to lower himself on
the ladder down into the pit slowly, as slowly
as he rows himself up, you have the option to
start climbing down. In fact, one of the attendants
down at the side was like, all right, time to
shine. Thank you. And then I start climbing down.
You make it to the bottom. You are standing there
for like 10 awkward seconds as this the tortle
Teller climbs down the ladder extra slow, painfully
slow. The clock is ticking down for the fight
to start. And it is at three seconds before the
fight starts right as Teller gets to the bottom
and begins to turn to face you with all of its
attention. Three, two, one. You'll roll initiative
against this tortle that has really bad initiative,
but he got a Why does he have bad initiative?
He's slow. 19. My five won't quite cut it. So
you're going to go first in your fight, but before
we do that, let's cut to another fight starting.
B .O .B. Hi. You make your way over to the far
pit where everything is supposed to be interesting
and you find two hunched over deactivated mechanical
men. They look like actual physical men. They
are robots attempting to reach humanity, but
it is unsettling to the point where like their
mustaches are clearly made of metal. You know
what I'm saying? Yeah. But it is not like nightmarish
to look at. It's almost cartoony. But there is
no way these would pass for people ever. And
as you approach the edge, you see this tiefling
standing over one and sticking her hand into
a cavity in its chest as it begins to in spring
to life as its jaw opens and it opens its mouth
and goes, oh, I can't wait to hit somebody. And
she removes her hand and walks over to the other
one and does the same motion. The other one turns
on, he says, oh, individually, I'll give you
the smacking of my lifetime. And it's good. You
giggle as as Turava laughs and looks up as you
as well and says. The competition calm down boys.
You're not fighting each other today, and they're
like To wind up a punch and and sock one another
but she says hey and they freeze on a dime and
she Looks back at you and says all right. Well
we can start the timer whenever you want Why
don't you come out and stand on your podium so
people can spend money on you? The automation
will take care of my voice. And you see there's
like a little slot where you can drop a piece
of paper with just your name, your bet, and then
a sack of gold, basically. Doug will move into
the podium to get ready. Are any players betting
on B .O .B.? I'm going to bet a hundred on B
.O .B. OK. So you get 500 back if he wins. Very
cool. Cool, cool. And you're doing 2v1, you're
sure with that? Yeah. Very cool. Then the next
countdown would be yours. Five, four, three.
As it's counting down, I'm gonna take off my
hat, my coat, my mandolier. You give them to
me? Yep. I'm gonna say, I got a couple tricks
just in case you need them. I won't, but I appreciate
it. I don't think this is an anything goes. I
think it's just a fist fight. All right. Don't
lose my shit. Stay in here. You see your clock
hit zero and it's time to descend the ladder.
Yeah You see pesky Kyle give one last bow to
the crowd and then begin to descend and he doesn't
even put his legs on the ladder He just arms
his way down Is this character about me? No,
I think you're that strong No, I just think my
legs are that way It's just Kyle but pesky And
he takes his stance at the bottom. There's the
one final 30 second countdown as you two are
face to face. And by that, I mean like 45 feet
away from each other. And he is rubbing his hands
together, getting into a position to make himself
look big. And now he shouts and he goes, you're
going down. Why are you laughing? You just really
feel like hitting a girl today. I. Couldn't pick
on someone your own size. I didn't ask for a
girl and you know it. I don't actually know it.
Tell me what. The attendant said you were enticed.
What was it that enticed you? Not a lot of people
fight to the death. All right. You got nothing
to lose then. What does pesky Kyle have to lose,
man? Oh, dear. What does pesky Kyle have to lose?
Keela just puts her fists up and sort of. Wait
everyone so fucking me into me, man I'm not gonna
be mean to you. I'm just gonna hit you really
fucking hard No one's good. Oh, no one's gonna
be mean to me after I kick your ass. We'll see
I'm certain that's how you earn respect. I've
seen it come through a million times All right
me darling six more seconds, and I'm gonna come
mollywop you okay? I'm really excited for you
He says that too funny oh Okay, I got a 14. I
had nine in my initiative, baby. So you're gonna
go first the clock hit zero and It is your turn
to start beating the piss out of each other on
arm strikes all the way through. Yeah Yeah, you're
just gonna this fight. Okay, you wanna know how
much healthy yet? I do 40. Okay 17 to hit that
hits Seven damage, okay, and he gets pushed five
feet back That's Tavern Brawler, baby. Keila
runs up on this guy. She's quit. Guess what that
puts him on? Those who are good at math might
know. 33? 33? Very good, Audrey. You're officially
good at math now. That's huge. And then I'm going
to use a cunning action to disengage so he can't
hit me back. So I think I run up. I hit him.
I get him. I knock him five feet back. And then
I quick little... Back out of there. Yeah existence.
Let me see if he can still get you He's gonna
take his turn then we're gonna go to the next
fight ready. Nope He's gonna make an attack.
No way with his fist. Fuck me, dude The seven
hit you it does not cool And he looks out as
he lifts both of his fists up to try and clobber
you at one time. Makes one big swing. Not like
not like Sherlock Holmes discombobulating someone.
He's going for like a hammer fist overhead at
you. And he swings wildly and misses. And it
is almost a little pathetic the way in swings
past you and misses. Keila blows a kiss to the
crowd. Oh my God, they love it. Beautiful. Well,
give me a Christmas check. Do they love it? Oh,
yeah, they do. Why did I make her roll it? She
has a trillion performance base 19 plus five.
So twenty four. OK. On the Riz right there. Very
good crowd goes crazy. People people love that
you're beating the snot out of them. And let's
go to who is the next Vane, right? Yeah. Yeah.
OK, then you are You have moved forward enough
that you are in a 30 -foot gap. I would say you're
probably closer to his side than yours based
on his general speed right now. You rolled initiative,
right? Yeah. You're going first. All right. I'll
say it. You look like a brave warrior. No hard
feelings. I just need to test this weapon out.
And I hold up my blade and cast Hexblade's Curse
using a bonus action. The way we do it with the
blood sword that does a little bit damage to
him, right? Yeah, absolutely so is it a d4 d6
the way that we Mechanic to this out is you're
trying to use your ability from the sword to
pull from him Yes, that is rough stuff, buddy.
That's good. He is going to make a save against
you What is your what would your spell save be
on your charisma? It would be a 16 gotcha your
your sword pulls blood from either yourself or
enemies But why would you do it from yourself
when there is an enemy nearby? So you move to
close the gap you get within 10 feet and you
use this move. He is going to make a Constitution
save. Yes, I hold the sword up and it kind of
like tries to suck in gotcha And you just point
blood from him a stone at this this Poor man
this soft turtle creature who just wants to fight
you with his mace in his shield Why why would
you ever do blood magic to it? but you pointed
at his body and he begins to Sees for a moment
and you see almost like he's being pulled from
his Right leg as he tries to save against you
with a damn it I really am gonna roll a three
and a one that that dies going away and a one
he Collapses down to one knee as dark almost
black blood juts out from his leg and he collapses
down to one knee and Seems like he's unable to
move as that blood connects with your blade and
you have this like like perfect flow tension
it doesn't look like it's moving and you're able
to then rip it out of him and on a failed save
he's going to take 2d6 instead of 1d6 all right
and that's still just a bonus action that's just
a bonus action that's just to turn the weapon
on he took he takes eight points of damage he
takes eight points of damage as you rip this
out of his leg and he lets out a very muted Scream
as you pull blood out from him and you begin
to see something akin to anger dawn on his face
as he Draws his his mace for the first time and
holds up his shield not so fast. I cast invisibility.
Okay, so I'll turn invisible and Walk up the
wall. Well, let's you walk up the wall again.
I forget spider climb is a spell No, it's just
an innate trait that a vampire has Cool. So I
turn invisible. I go up the wall. He begins to
to search wildly. He is going to make a perception
check at disadvantage. A seven and a three, Sean's
on fucking fire today as he begins to try and
figure out where you went. That perception check
is going to be a large part of his turn. You
see him just swing wildly at the air. He seems
confused, but you're starting to see more speed
in him as he's like waking up as he took damage.
We can cut to B .O .B. as you see your timer
hit zero and we see you are being lowered onto
a plow. Monkey Boy. What was that? What did you
call me? Monkey Boy. I thought this was a safe
place. It's unfortunate. It's not. It's not reporting
that anyway. I understand. Hey, Sean. Yeah, Avi.
What's up? B .O .B. would like to. begin casting
snare into the pit. Yeah, you get about five
seconds into that. Someone goes, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa. What the fuck are you? What
are you doing? What are you doing? Stop. Stop
that. What? You get like casting magic. No, I'm
not. Oh, you're super. I know a spell when I
see one. You're casting magic. Wait, that's not
allowed. No, not here. Not before. Once you're
in the pit, that's allowed. Oh, sorry. I was
just. Listen, I don't want to. We run a tight
ship here when it comes to magic in the pits.
That's allowed when you're physically in the
pit. But we don't like to piss off the guy upstairs,
understand? It shuts down everything for the
night when he shows up. Oh, I see, I see. So
no magic. No magic. So your timer hit zero. Instead
of a ladder, there was a platform for you to
walk out onto that begins to lower you like an
elevator. You get to the bottom and these two
robots who normally look like they had metal
shirts on now look like they're medley shirtless.
Nice. And they both have their arms up like rockum
sockum robots ready to take you out. Yeah, doing
that nice fist swirl like they they did in the
old old timey boxing videos why I oughta kind
of energy You know what I'm talking about Popeye.
Yeah real Popeye shit. Exactly. You can roll
initiative against both of them They're gonna
roll separate initiatives. Okay, so maybe I can
roll good for once the OB waves to both of them
a five In the four, I'm going to lose it. I haven't
rolled above a seven today. Oh, no. You're in
luck. I rolled a two plus two. OK. Oh, crazy.
So I have a seven and a five. So I get to go
first. Yeah. Hell yeah, dude. I'm so good at
this. So one of these robots comes running at
you really quickly and he says. I'm gonna take
you down. And from 10 feet away, his fist rapidly
extends as he attempts to punch Doug in his robotic
head. That is an eight plus four. Does the 12
hit you? It does not. No, I didn't think it did.
Okay. And as he misses, he goes, think you're
clever, huh? And he extends his other fist and
tries to hit you. But guess what? This one is
at disadvantage. So does a 15 hit you? No. Oh,
OK. As his other fist just hits the exterior
of Doug and bounces off and he goes, what? Darnation.
And next up is the other one. And this robot
also shirtless. To be clear, the one that sounds
Western has like a Hulk Hogan mustache. Yeah.
This other one has like a curly hair. Yeah, he
does. And he walks up and he goes, oh, I'll take
it out. Oh, that's what I'm gonna do. He runs
up to try and do a big uppercut that he is going
to take at advantage. This is technically a reckless
swing. Yes, that is a 19 and a 20. No, let's
fucking go. Both those will hit. Guess what?
It's not too bad, actually. Yeah. Let me see
if he has anything he can add. OK, he's just
going to punch the shit out of you for it. It's
a D six. Oh, and he's going to add three to it.
Six plus three. for nine damage, and then he
is going to add a full six from the crit. So
you take the max total of the die. Yeah. So that
D6 turns into 15 total. Nice. OK. You take 15
damage instantly from this guy's uppercut after
the first two just bounced off of you. Yeah,
Mario style uppercut. It is your turn. Oh, that
did definitely hurt. OK, so as my bonus action,
I'm going to cast defensive shield, which is
or of bluish light. It's going to go boom. And
I'm going to gain my temporary hit points equal
to my level and class. And this is a feature
of Doug Doug. Yes. Cool. Yeah. Of the guardian
form for more temp HP. Yeah. So bump up back
up to 30. And then as my actual old pack. and
then you know what you love it i'm going to thunder
gauntlet see what we got here okay yeah that's
an 11 plus seven 18 to hit uh you know seven
yeah so your intelligence your attack bonus on
doug's thunder gauntlets to hit yes yeah it was
in 18 that does it cool and then so it's a 1d8
plus five on that which is just gonna be a two
plus five, so seven damage of Thunder. As you
hit him back, he looks actually pretty shaken
from that hit. Your fist impacts and then zaps
him, and it seems to affect the droid pretty
heavily. Back to Keela. Keela, you are first
between the two of you, and Pesky Kyle just missed
his attack. Yeah, he did. 21 to hit. That will
hit, easily. That is a one, which I get to re
-roll. To a four. Because of Tavern Brawler?
Yes, because of Tavern Brawler. So I do eight
damage, clock him across the cheekbone. He goes
back five feet and then I'm in a cunning action.
Eight more damage? Then I'm in a cunning action,
disengage, because now I have movement. Whoa.
Wow, you're really just beating the shit out
of this guy. Yeah. And she's going to look at
me and go, I thought you said I was going down.
I just want this fight to be over. Get over here.
Don't pick fights. You can't win. What's your
movement? Is it 30? It's 30. Okay, so he's able
to move 30 and run at you as well. He's five
feet back. Oh, you're right. Fuck, can he do
anything? Hold on. Are you being a geek about
it? A little bit. He dashes at you, and after
he dashes, he uses his action surge, and he is
going to take another attack at you. Oh. Let's
see. Does a 19 hit? A 19 does hit. He is going
to use both of his fists clasped together again
and try to take a Chunk out of you. You're really
a d10 It's Nate. Oh, man Because he's using both
of his hands together and he's like hammer fisting
you really hard. Can I do that? No, he's like
real meaty And he smacks you with his big meaty
hands for ten damage, okay, that's fine and he
says I think you need to apologize for making
me feel small. She spits blood in the sand. No
one can make you feel small except yourself,
mate. Don't run from me, then. Look, I didn't
come to stoke your ego. I came to win. That's
his whole turn, by the way. That's fine, yeah.
He's out of shit he can do. So then it's to Vane?
Yeah. Cool. I'm up on the wall invisible. Yep,
and he he seems to be looking around a little
bit lost Just kind of spinning in circles. You
saw him took one wild swing and hit the air if
I were to attack at this point, especially if
I were to like Plunging attack would I have advantage?
Yeah, sure. Awesome. Absolutely. He has no idea
where you're at I'm gonna jump down blade aimed
down into like the Joint in between his shelf
and like, you know what I mean? Like I realize
he's wearing natural armor. I'm trying to like
You try a Dark Souls plunging attack. Oh, but
I'm the bad guy. It's a fight to the death. I
have permission. This is voluntary, right? Yeah,
it sure is. And then I'm going to cast Booming
Blade at the same time. You brandish the weapon
using the spells casting and make a melee attack
with it against one creature within five feet
of you. Beautiful. Not 20. OK. Poor poor creature.
Oh, okay. So how do not 20s work for you? Not
20s are whatever die you're about to roll for
damage You're going to max it and then add your
Dex bonus or charisma bonus for you and that
set that base number aside and now roll Okay,
so we have a eight plus five. It's 13 set 13
aside plus another two Okay So 13 15 15 yeah,
and then he sheathed and moving energy until
the start of my next turn if he willingly moves
five feet before then he takes 1d8 thunder damage
in the spell Do we want to say that? Because
you crit on the booming blade that if he moves
that that only once that damage will be amplified
You could double the that damage to yeah, I think
that's fair If you credit on a booming blade
that feels I mean if a paladin gets to just nuke
things when he smites I think that's more than
allowed Okay, he can't move No save? He can.
It just takes 2d8. 2d8. What are you waiting
for? Okay. I imagine because it's like an extra
long blade, I have him impaled in the ground.
That's why he's stuck, maybe, if you want to
flavor it that way. To move, it would tear and
hurt him. Very cool. I like that. As you strike
down on him, you deal... 15 damage and he lets
out a loud grunt vein you get a first world front
seat view of this as Your tortle friend looks
you in the eyes after you impaled him He stands
still for a long second and something seems to
come over him and he lets out almost bestial
As he takes a step in your direction moving to
seemingly grab you instantly taking the damage
from your booming blade, which you don't even
have to roll for because you're if you crit and
do Max plus one, he's dead. But in the moment
that he explodes from the blade itself and that
deafening sound goes off, your sword disappears
and falls to the ground. And the blood in a line
from you where the Hilt is to this corpse begins
to bubble and move. Start to slide backwards
on itself and all gain one form and you see the
blood that was spilling out of him That was black
in your sword and black on the ground Begins
to rise and explode in a dark tendril shoots
out at you making an attack does a 14 hit you.
Yeah, just really it's going to stab into your
shoulder and do six necrotic damage Do you have
any kind of resistance to that? No, okay six
necrotic damage as it is still growing and beginning
to take a larger form of almost a Icarus four
legged spider that has no solid form, but it
looks. In fact, you have no idea what its purpose
is, but it wants you dead. And I'm like, what
is happening? And everyone else's fight immediately
gets interrupted as every onlooker who watched
in horror as this turtle exploded into an Icarus
monster. begins to either flee the building or
jump into action. Anyone who is above ground
will get to make a response instantly. Anyone
in a pit will need to climb out first if your
combatant lets you. Wait, wait, wait. The other
two fights stop? Well, they can keep going, but
they all hear and see the same thing because
this monster is growing over the size of the
walls of the pit. How big is this? Just currently.
I mean, I said they're 40 feet deep, right? Oh,
yeah. How big is this thing? Well, is it bigger
than 40 feet? It's you can see it coming out
of the top of the pit. It's over 40 feet. People
are running around screaming. Here's the scene
right now. Vane, you're never using that sword
again. You can still be watching your fight.
You were watching your fight. I have no idea
what the fight was. In an instant, there was
a loud boom, silence for about two seconds. And
then this Icarus monster was suddenly like a
spire rising out of the hole. and you see some
people at the edges of the room stand up and
seem to arm themselves while others are making
B lines to the door. Any response? Anybody I
can look around and talk to and ask what that
is. I'm looking for somebody who works here.
I'm looking for an attendant or something. Mostly
attendants are bolting. You want to find someone
that is like... Arming up it seems like there's
probably one near me. Absolutely. They're like
one in a hundred It seems down here, but every
so often you see one and this person looks pretty
capable they also are really an elf with a Very
feminine disposition, but you have no way to
say what they may or might not be and they are
wearing nothing But robes, but they draw an arcane
focus from underneath their cloak And you see
them begin to cast a spell and you hear them
say the words, tell him I'm casting magic. And
looks at you and says, run or fight, but don't
just gawk. What is that thing? Bad news. I have
no idea what's happening. This is a monster.
Fucking kill it. We're going to stop there. Drama!