Are we ready? Yeah. So ready. Okay. So we are
going to skip the vein thing because I think
it would be better to flashback. I can try hit
record. I did. So that puts you first, Audrey
Potts. I like you so hard. And we're picking
up right after your very sad scene where your
father called out your name to get you to stop
moving away from him. So let's put you right
on that boat. You are in the middle of a storm.
No way. There is clearly some treasure on board
from the first of your trade route going as scheduled.
So it's clear that you have been busy since last
we saw your character. Yes, it's been storming.
It's been gloomy. It's been raining. It's been
windy as fuck. But you have been navigating the
seas. Fairly well. It feels harder than usual,
but your team is pretty capable. You just finished
stealing from another ship, and you are sailing
sort of in the Benthos Harbor, hanging out, waiting
for the next ship on their trade route to come
within Benthos waters so you can sail over and
get something done. You hear a low rumble of
thunder that you notice has been going off every
20 minutes. The next one you hear, Sable says,
13. It's the 13th time there's just been a rumble.
Hey, you've been outside when it's rained before,
right? You know how thunderstorms work. Yeah,
I do. The thunder is sort of like a consistently
rolling thing. Yeah, but there's usually lightning
with it. Okay, are you complaining? It sort of
makes things easier for us when there's not.
How is there thunder without lightning? I don't
know. There's just no lightning. And he looks
out over the ocean as you stall in the waters.
He goes back to making a ledger of the goods
that you... Mic down, mic down. Oh, wait till
that's fixed. And now I'm checking my mic to
make sure that it's like... Do you want me to
make you a table, Sean? I'll make you a table.
Yeah, that'd be cool. I'd like to do that with
you if you ever have time. Do what now? That'd
be cool. Make a table. I want to make a table.
Do you want to do one? Do you want to make a
table? With the belt? Sure, fuck yeah. You could
put like slats on top. Sure, fuck yeah. We can
make that happen. All our friends. All right,
all right. We're going back to the game. He goes
back to not talking. He's checking his, making
his ledger as you stall. And the winds die down
and that causes him to peek his head back up.
And he looks at you, stands up from his sitting
position and sort of slowly turns around to take
in the space around him. And he said, did the
wind just stop? He's like putting his hand up
to try and feel things. Brighter skies are ahead.
Storms coming down. Things are going to be good.
Hopefully we don't get like stalled here too
long because. There's a sudden burst of wind
that causes several of the lines on the ship
to snap as the sail suddenly turns and jerks
as a gust of wind must hit it and force the whole
thing to rotate now that it's free of its line.
And the ship begins to pick up speed and Sable...
moves away from you quickly to run up to the
wheel and sees that it is spinning wildly as
the ship is being forced to turn against the
rudder. And he looks like he's going to grab
it, but stops and looks at you wide -eyed and
puts his hands up. Don't grab it. It's going
to break your hand. What do we do? Hang on, I
think. He quickly takes his lifeline and straps
it to the banister near him as the ship keeps
picking up speed and whisks you quickly across
the harbor. And you find that... The wind only
ceases once you are floating about a mile offshore
and you can see the lighthouse perfectly in line
with you. Oh, you've got to be kidding me. The
clouds begin to get darker. Yeah, yeah. You've
made your point. I guess it. Whatever. Can we
move on, please? He looks around. He's like,
who are you talking to? Hello? Whatever. Akilah,
I think we should go home. I think that we actually
have to make up a little bit for what I had to
pay to get those guys off of our backs. So I
actually think that we should turn around and
head back out and just keep doing what we're
doing. Kila, you don't see that the weather is
changing around us. Something is wrong. I see
that the weather is changing around us. So I
think that we should probably just get going.
All right. He looks at the wheel that has stopped
moving and he says, you lead the way, Captain.
All right, fine. And she'll go to the helm and
hit a general direction. Not a supremo navigator.
You walk up to the helm, you approach and. Sable
is unclipping himself and takes a few steps down
the stairs as you put your hands on the wheel,
and the second your hands grab it, there is a
loud crack. The last thing you see is the bright,
arcing green light that flashes before your eyes,
and then you hear Sable's voice muffled going,
as his footsteps approach and things fade to
black very quickly. Nailed it. Uh -oh. Captain
of the year. You come too. And it is dark outside.
You hear very calm waves and you see stars above
you as the storm must have ceased. You stir and...
Am I still like at the helm or am I moved? Am
I elsewhere? You are looking up. You're on the
main deck laying flat on your back. Okay. Head
to toe check. Anything? I can move my fingers.
I can move my toes. You have a splitting headache.
Anything janky going on? Any blood anywhere?
You look down and you don't immediately see any
blood. You do notice your vision is a little
skewed. And as you turn your head to see what,
who is standing to your left, because they're
standing just out of view, you notice that they're
moving with you. And then you quickly realize
that's not someone that's your peripheral because
you are missing your left eye. What? Like it's
gone, gone? Do you put your hand on it? Yeah,
to try, you know, wave in front of your face,
see what the... You don't see anything when you
make it to the side of your face because you
only have one eye. When you go to touch it, it
is scarred and wet and painful. I wasn't ready
for that. Keela... This wasn't supposed to happen
until, like, 10th level. One -eyed pirate. What
the... Sable stands over you, looking down in
shock, and he says, Holy shit. You would live.
Yeah, much to quite a few people's dismay, I
think. As you talk, you feel this screaming headache
and your body immediately wants to pass out.
And he says, take it easy. I'll wake you up.
We're going to get to land. took a vote and the
vote was not to take you home to your dad like
this. All right. Everybody has got a head on
their shoulders, it seems. I was starting to
get a wee bit worried there for a second. You
got hit by lightning and you seem unchanged.
Are you okay? For starters, I'm missing an eye.
So I'm going to be needing an eye patch. If we
have one of those laying around, I know this
is sort of the first one I'd experienced, but
it sort of comes with the territory. What are
you playing this cool for? You were hit by lightning.
Yeah, I saw it. Trust me. I saw it. It was pretty
bright. It was pretty hard to miss. Did you really
see it, though? But I think, you know, it'll
probably come back. Just need to rest it, cover
it, you know, keep it clean. Whatever that's
supposed to be. I'm going to Google if you can
grow an eye back. Captain. Hi. You should take
a nap. I'll wake you up when we're hitting shore.
And you swear to me we're not going home? No,
we're not going home. All right. I'm going to
go lay down. See if you can get a start on the
eye patch. Make it look cool. Go to bed. Dazzle
it. Perfect. Give me a constitutional saving
throw as you stand up. Constitutional saving
throw. A nine. That is with adding four to my
constitution. So I rolled a cool five. Five of
swords, nine? Nailed it. With a nine, you go
to get up to go lay in whatever bed might exist
or hammock might exist on the ship, and you immediately
pass out due to the pain of your injuries. Cool.
You're able to play it cool, but you are in a
lot of pain. You lose consciousness there on
the deck of the ship, and eventually... The screen
blacks out and we hear noise again soon. And
you hear Pickett and Fisk going, I don't want
to wake her up. You wake her up. No, I woke her
up last time. You wake her up. Hey, what happened
last time? What? What happened last time? Is
Kila asking? You said I woke her up last time.
No, I'm asking. Don't worry about it. You're
unconscious, Kila. Cool. Well, he said I woke
her up last time. Was Kila asking the boys that?
No. Oh, then don't worry about it. Okay, cool.
I'm tracking now. Yeah. And he goes, let's play
for it. She sort of half rolls over. I've got
10 guilds on Fisk to win this one. Oh, cool.
That counts as me doing it. And he grumbles as
Sable pushes them both to the side and says,
I'm going to need your call on this one. And
he lifts you to your feet. and your boat has
the gangplank extended across onto another ship
that looks beat to hell. The mast is gone. The
sails have been wrapped around and are draping
over the front and back of the ship. There are
holes all over the deck. Blood splatters that
cover all over, but there is only one body, a
pale figure, unconscious, laying on the deck.
Sable says, I don't think he's alive. He doesn't
have any vitals, but I want to know what happened.
Well, it sort of looks like the ship got shot
to shit. Why is he the only one left? I don't
know. It's probably one of those like, well,
I guess not. I was going to say leave one survivor
behind to tell the tale, but he looks pretty
dead. Dead, but look. I don't know. Is it his
fault the ship's beat to shit? He drags you over
and he starts to let you look around the ship
and there's not a lot of investigating that will
give you answers. Is my depth perception fucked?
A bit. He does have to help you over the gangplank
as things are changing now that you only have
one eye. Man, I hope you don't have to use any
ranged weapons that might get you disadvantaged
because you only have the one eye. Yeah, you're
right. Stop. No, he's right. I'm so sorry. No,
you're not. No, you're not. If you were sorry,
you would have kept your mouth shut from the
beginning. I wouldn't be sorry because I wouldn't
have said it. No. Ooh, doubling down. Now you
really got to grow that eye bag fast. Grow the
eye bag. Just make sure you get a lot of rest.
Hey, she's fine. I'll grow it back. Okay, Merida.
I don't sound anything like that. I'll grow it
back. I think I just saw her blood pressure rise.
Yeah, dude. Isn't that powerful? If you had the
chance to change your fight. She took off her
jacket. It's hot in here. It is hot in here.
Because your blood pressure went... Dude, it
usually does when Avi talks. Anyway. I'm sorry.
You can do any investigations you want, but walking
around this ship, you basically just come to
terms with the fact that this ship was attacked
by something and that something probably won
because it's nowhere to be seen. I'm going to
kick the body. Like, not kick it hard, but I
just want to nudge it with the toe of my boot.
I think before she does anything else, she thinks
it's the body. Just a little nudge. Kick her
a nudge. What? A kick or a nudge. A nudge. Just
see if you can sort of get like a startle response.
No, it barely, it feels like you're kicking a
corpse. Does said corpse have anything in his
pockets? Anything shiny, perhaps? He has a singular
like obsidian black cylinder with some runic
markings on the outside. He has a cylinder? Like
just a cylinder? Yeah, it's like this big. Does
it have like a top on it? No, it's kind of pointy.
Okay. All the way around. A bunch of little like
prongs. It can go in my packet. Why not? Anything
else in any other pockets? No pouches, no backpacks,
no belts. No vests. No shirts, no shoes. No service.
No. Yeah, okay. Have we gotten a look down below
yet? Locked. I have Eddie working on that right
now. All right. Do we have sort of an estimate
on when that's going to be done, or are we just
sort of kicking rocks until then? It's just picking
a lock. I don't know. It'll be done when it's
done. What's gotten into you? I don't know. I
just... Why don't you go lay down? We'll sort
this out. I'm fine. I don't need to go lay down.
I woke you up to know what to do with him. He's
dead, isn't he? I can't find a wound that would
have killed him, though. I don't know. Maybe
he, like, dehydrated to death or something. He
looks around at the war -torn, bloodied ship
around him. You think so? Scurvy. Scurvy got
him. Fuck, that's cool. You know, he might have
had a pre -existing condition or something. This
could just be a coincidence. Do you want to at
least sink the ship? Get everything off of it?
Yeah, might as well. Okay. You see Eddie come
up from down below and nod her head at you. Anything
good? Anything worth saving? I'll go open the
door. You remove the shackle from the loop in
the door so it can actually be open. Yeah, I
open it. Great. You open the door and it just
stares down into a cargo hold. You see some crates.
Any lights I can turn on down here? Any lanterns?
Any torches? There's already one on down there,
it seems. Cool, but there's just... It's dim.
It might be running out of fuel. All right. I'll
do a lap. Just sort of around the edges. Down
below? Yeah. Okay, so you go down the stairs?
Yeah. Great. As you move down the stairs, Sable
puts his arm on your shoulder and says, I thought
I heard something. And he pulls his sword out
and continues down the stairs with you. Sable,
we're on a boat. Things sort of rock back and
forth. They can be sliding around. I wouldn't
be too worried about it if I were you. He continues
down the stairs pretty seriously. Okay. You go
serious, man. Be serious with your serious self.
And as you say that, he rounds the corner dragging
an old man. By the collar. Oh, look at that.
You caught Grandpa just in time for his nap.
Maybe he can tell us what happened. I don't know
anything. He just showed up on a bat. He'll sort
of get in his face, get in front of him. Oh,
God, what happened to your face? Oh, my. This
is the most hideous thing I've ever seen! You're
so ugly now! Holy fucking shit! Wait, I think
I have some cream for that. He does go, ugh,
as we get closer. I have some ointment for that.
But all the extra stuff he doesn't say. I watched
all my friends get murdered, but this is the
grossest. Okay, he canonically says all of that.
Oh my god, I'm so sorry, I want to focus, but
this is the grossest thing I've ever seen. Can
you turn your head? Close your eyes about it
if it bothers you that much. Okay. Same thing
will happen to yours if you don't start answering
my questions, me darling. So let's focus here.
Okay. Who came in on a bat? There was three of
them. A man and a woman, and then it was just
a man. A really, really big man. A really angry
man. I think the first guy and his woman were
being chased. We only had a few seconds to talk
to them before we were attacked. Is there any
other survivors? I'm pretty sure there's a body
upstairs. Is it Jeremy? You said what? And he
looks past you. Is it Jeremy? I don't know who
Jeremy is. Jeremy's probably fine. Why would
you lie to him? She's probably not that convincing
about it, truthfully. So when you say bat, you're
talking about like those wee squeaky little things
that sort of come out when the sun is going down,
right? What other bat is there? My darling, how
long have you been at sea? We usually go out
for two weeks or so. And how long have you been
out this time? I don't know, eight days? I don't
usually get attacked by big... Batman. Right.
No, no, no, no, no, no. God damn it. Where's
the rum? Why is the rum gone? Where's the other
boat going? All right, all right. Everyone got
their Batman present. Except for Pox. Come on
here. What? I've never seen any of the Batman
movies. We watched The Dark Knight together.
Oh, that's right. We did. I liked it a lot. Kilo
looks at the old man. You know how I got these
scars. Anyway, I'm so sorry I said Batman, guys.
I'm so sorry I said Batman. That's on me. But
what was he saying? Yeah, I don't usually get
attacked by Batman. Loop the Batman talk. Where
is he? All right, here's what's going to happen.
You're going to, first of all, tell me what sort
of cargo you're carrying. That's going to make
the rest of this conversation sort of go one
way or the other for you. Okay. What sort of
cargo are you carrying? Fur. Second thing I'm
going to have you do is I'm going to have you
go lay down. I think you spent a wee bit too
much time in the sun and I think that you should
probably rest. It seems like you've gone through
a really terrible ordeal, hallucinating big bats
and things like that. So I'm going to have you
go lay down. I'm going to take all the furs off
your ship, right? And we part our merry ways
and we never interacted. Sound good for you?
Is all my blood going to stay in my body? Is
all your blood going to... Yeah, your blood's
going to stay in your body. I'm not going to
hurt you. Those two men on the surface were just
ripping blood out of... Well, one out of himself
and the other took some from Jeremy. I didn't
understand what was happening. Here, we're going
to go back to step two. Hear me, darling? You're
going to go lay down. You're not going to worry
about this. We're going to have you home in no
time. Okay. All right? Okay. Go and lay down
there, me darling. Where do I lay down? Wherever
you want. It's your ship. Okay, he lays down
right there. I lay down right here. I lay down
right here. I take a nap for you. I take a nap.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. One more question for you before.
Uh -huh. Where did the others go? There's just
sort of one body upstairs, but you said there
were multiple people. Did they leave on their
flying bats? I don't know. All right, they're
dead. Sweet dreams. You come back upstairs and
you see Sable standing over the opposite side
of the ship that you boarded, looking into the
sea and then up at the sail where the sail should
be. What do you think is keeping our ship from
sailing away right now? We're not drifting at
all. And he points to the stars to show that
we're sitting still. We're not moving. The anchor
wasn't dropped. Yes, two ships are together,
but it's not like they're floating into each
other because there's no sails on the other ship.
So technically, we should be moving somewhat.
But he's looking around and able to point out
that you're not moving at all. Is the water still?
No, there's still some waves. And it seems like
the ship is bobbing a little bit. Does this ship
have an anchor drop? He looks over at the back
of the ship where the anchor mechanism was. And
it is like, that part of the ship is missing.
And he goes, I don't think so. Yeah, I think
you're right on that one. Are we leaving the
old man here? Well, we're not taking him with
us. He'll die out here. I mean, he seemed pretty
confident that after his nap, he'd be good to
get home. You said that. And he agreed with me.
Keela, we both know he'll die if he stays on
this ship. It's another mouth to feed. Whatever
you say, Captain. Well, like, if he asks, we'll
take him. But you're not allowed to, like, talk
to him first and set him up to ask. That's cheating.
You hear a voice behind you. Can I go with you
guys? He heard the whole conversation. He sticks
his head up from downstairs. Still laying down.
He crawled up. Through, like, that little grate.
Yeah, that's sick. That's sick, actually. That
is how he did it. He put his fingers and thumbs
through that grate in the middle of the ship
and just his lips stuck out. Can I go with you?
Kayla will rub her eye. I think she goes to rub
both of them and it sucks. She pulls back and
rubs the one. Fine, fine, but I swear you better
be a somewhat decent cook because otherwise I'm
just going to toss you overboard. Oh boy. You
hear as he moves away from under the dock in
the air. As he gets closer, as he runs up the
stairs, he has a little bag packed and he goes,
all right. I'm ready to go. And as he says that,
he looks down and sees the body on the ground
and goes, oh, wow, he's still here. Yeah, he's
dead. In case you haven't noticed. Him? Yeah.
When I met him, he looked like that. I'm not
even lying to you. I know how that sounds. I've
known him his whole death. And to be fair, I
did just meet him tonight, but he's the one who
showed up with the lady. On the bat. Yes. Him
and the lady shared a bat and then the other
guy had a bigger bat. What don't you understand?
That was pretty clear. It ate someone. Greg,
remember? I was really sad about it earlier.
That's right. I'm going to walk over. I'm going
to pull out a gun. Let's raise the stakes a little.
To be clear, I pull out my gun. Yeah. Do you
want me to say this again? She's going to pull
a pistol out of the belt sash situation she's
got going on. Is that what it's called? Yeah.
I was homeschooled. Wait. Kayla walks over to
the body. pulls one of her pistols out of her
bandolier. Nailed it. Levels it between his eyebrows
and then kicks it harder. Sean is viciously gulping
down. I was thirsty. Leave me alone. You give
the body a bright kick or a stiff kick. Vayne,
you gain consciousness as a stiff kick. Oh, shit.
Bursts you awake. Sable looks at you wide -eyed,
certain that this body did not have a pulse.
God. Am I still alive? I mean, not really, but...
That's actually kind of a dumb question. The
old man goes, Oh, Lord! And he runs across onto
your boat and down below deck. Make yourself
at home. If you open your eyes, you're looking
down the barrel of a pistol, brother. I gasp.
Actually, what is... Do you want to find out?
No. I do not think so. I start to like. That's
insightful of you. I'm pretty certain that like.
So and correct me if I'm wrong here. I typically
I'm not, but this is sort of a new one for me.
So I'm willing to sort of, you know, you were
dead like two seconds ago. Oh, no, I've been
dead for a long time. Like a very long time,
not just two seconds. What? Well, all right.
Actually, I've decided I don't care. I just need
you to give me like one solid good reason. Just,
you know, put your best foot forward on this
one. Why I shouldn't toss you overboard like.
Right this second. Wait. What do you mean, wait?
I'm here and she's not. Where is she? Is that
your one good reason you're here and she's not?
Is that like... What in the hell is going on?
Sable stands over you, next to you and over you
and looks you in the eye and says, Who is the
big guy that you fought with? There is too many
questions coming at me at once. Answer mine.
Sorry, Captain, but one of these things could
kill us. And what are you worried about? Why
I shouldn't kill him? No offense, but... And
he looks around at the fact that we're in the
middle of the ocean. Something attacked this
boat recently. And I'm sorry if I'm a bit on
edge, but it's also not moving when it should
be. And I don't mean to be disrespectful, Captain,
but you're not thinking straight lately. You
were struck with lightning today. Yeah. And there's
shit to do, so I don't know why you're still
dwelling on it, because I personally have moved
past it. So if you could get on the same page
as me so we could work together on this, it'd
make my life a whole lot easier. So now, she
turns back to Vayne. Give me that one reason
I shouldn't toss you overboard. Okay. I just
escaped from basically the underworld with a
woman who knows great things and can help many
people. My mission is solely... For her. Great.
You're entertaining. You can come with. Oh. You're
hilarious. That worked. Wow. I stand up and I'm
like, awesome. That's so fucking cool. Sable
and, I'm sorry, Eddie, Pickett, and Fisk are
unloading the furs from the ship and putting
it onto yours. And as that wraps up, you see
Sable finish his ledger and cross over to his
ship. Would you be still talking or would you
cross back? No, I'd go back to my own ship. Okay.
Once everything is moved over. You, all of us
head over. And as you pull up the gangplank and
start to sail away, Sable comes over to you and
says, what I said earlier was sincere. You're
not acting right. And I know you know that it's
my job to keep the captain in check. And captain,
you're out of check. I think your job is to listen
to what I tell you to do and make sure it gets
done without too much fuss. And I really appreciate
that about you. I do. You can't pretend you don't
know the hierarchy of a ship out of convenience,
Kila. Yes, you are the captain, but as the first
mate and the bosun, I can pull rank at any time.
Who gave you the power to pull two ranks at one
time? That's absurd. When I started doing two
jobs at one time. Got me there. The old man said
he's from Kresh. Why don't we get him home and
we'll... Oh, we're a charity ship now. Just giving
free rides? Is that what it is? We got all those
furs. And? This wasn't on our ledger, Kayla.
We weren't going to rob these people. Right.
And now we have. And now we've got other things
to get to. So consider it payment and let's take
the old man home. Or you can throw him overboard
and I'll be done with it. I'm not going to. He
said he could cook, so I'm not going to throw
him overboard. Then what do you want to do? All
right. You know what? If it'll get you to stop
pissing and moaning about it, we'll go to crash.
That's fine. But I don't want to hear you whining
about me being crazy. I'm good. And then we can
talk about going home? And then we can consider
a discussion about it, sure. Kilo, we need to
go home. We can't unload this stuff. We don't
have a fence. This is stolen. We're going back
to the place we stole this from. We're not going
to be able to sell it there. We're going to be
fine. I've got it under control. Don't worry
about it. We're going to go back home at some
point. We've just got a wee bit more work to
do. Did the pale guy say he was from the underworld?
Something like that. I just think he's crazy.
I'm keeping him around because I think he's fun.
The girl that survived lightning, the five -star
Elderly Chef, and the Lord of the Underworld,
I guess, are just on the ship tonight. And we're
just sort of going to have to be okay with it
because, hey, bonus payday. So we should probably
bring the old man back to Crash as a repayment
for this bonus payday. Perfect. Blink. Anyone
got anything before I start? I love that Vayne
almost wasn't in this campaign. Yeah, she almost
was like, no, fuck that guy. His body was just
too dead, dude. He was too dead. He was too dead.
She goes to throw him overboard, roll for initiative.
I didn't realize that was me. I thought that
was a dead human. That's kind of you. That is
me. That is actually me. That being said, that
means that Keela has your weapon in her possession.
Oh, that's cool. Blink, do you remember where
we left you? Big old, slightly less comfortable
bed. Yep, in a house with a wilting plant in
the front. You are laying in your slightly less
comfortable bed. It's the... Really early morning,
there's some blue light coming in through the
window. You wake up because you swear that you
hear a door close downstairs. Hello? You are
met with silence for a second before there is
a sturdy knock at your door of just this room,
not the whole house. Okay. Blink's going to hastily
quick get up, put back on his trousers because
he slept without them. Probably backwards because
it was in a hurry. And he quick runs over trying
to wipe off the remaining like blood or whatever's
on his face. And then open the door with like
fake confidence, like a happy little like, and
he like stands up straight, but like looks awkward.
There's a figure holding a piece of paper up
that's blocking their face and they lower it
and they look at you and you see a young woman.
She's 19 years old, pale, dark hair. a kind of
bleak looking expression at all times and lowers
it again, looks at you and says, yeah, that'll
work. And she rolls it up and hands it over to
you and says, okay, if you're going to stay here
and you want to meet him because you want his
help with your situation, take this. Go find
the other four and then come back. You're pretty
demanding. I'm Blink, by the way. Hello, Blink.
I am Adelheid. And I... One more time. Adelheid.
Adelheid. I'll worry about being your friend
when you collect everyone else. He won't help
you and he won't see you until you find all the
people in that picture. I look down at the picture.
There's a tiny green guy with a big hulking figure
standing behind him. There's a half man, half
rabbit. A pirate missing an eye with a cool eye
patch. And then a broody looking vampire all
drawn kind of hastily with like colored pencils
and crayons. I count five people in this, but...
Oh, and you. One that looks like you. Sorry.
Six people in this because I'm counting the big
figure behind. Gotcha. Yeah. The green one is
a combo deal. Combo. Okay. And where do I find
these? They'll be in Crash if you hang out for
the next 24 hours. Crash. We're in Crash. This
is Crash. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sleepies. Why
can't he just help me? I was told sleeping here
could kind of... Could help you. Well... Why
wouldn't he want to? He works with magic and
a lot of the times he can't explain it. He wants
to help everyone, but usually it's better that
he stays out of it. This time it's very important
that he gets into it. So find those people. Do
you know their names? No. They look like that.
I looked down at the crayon drawing. Is it well
done though? Like I'm able to tell? You'll be
able to tell because these are very obvious figures.
Yeah. You know, but aside from that, it is a
children's drawing. Okay. Yeah. I've done a couple
like these. I'm sure you have. Yeah. Your mission
right now is not to make any more like this.
Your mission right now is to find the other five
or six. Do you want me to add you on this? No.
Oh. Do not alter the drawing at all. Okay. Your
only job is to find all of the people and bring
them back here. Will they be nice to me? Probably
not. In fact, this one, and she points to the
pirate, and this one, and she points to the rabbit.
are very unlikely to let you control what they're
doing at any given time. So you might have to
come up with a good reason as to why they're
going to that house. I could, well, I'll just
stay on the left side of this one. And like,
maybe like, would I have seen hair guns before?
Are they kind of rare? They are very rare. Okay.
Maybe, do you have any carrots? Do you see how
he's... This isn't a bad drawing. Do you see
how he's standing on two legs? Yeah. He walks
like that. That is not a trick. He is man -sized.
Okay. So just to be clear, can I ask you something?
Yeah. Just so I can find a baseline. If I said
find these people and I sent you this drawing,
and then you went out in public and you saw a
man -sized rabbit, would you assume he might
be the one you need to talk to? I don't want
to be racist. Sean. But. But. Probably. She smiles
and nods and says, and if you do all that, you
will. How do I entice a child? Do you want to
know your future? I'm 22. Oh, your spirit is.
You were. Sorry. When you were boasting about
your drawing, it confused me. Well, you drew
this one, to be fair. I did not draw this. This
was one of my sisters. A kid drew this. Yes.
If she knows what they look like, why couldn't
she just bring them here? That's not quite a...
She's six. But did they pose for her? No. I guess
I didn't pose for her. He explained, okay, I
won't be obtuse. We're talking about an oracle.
I thought you would have heard the stories. There's
a man who lives... On the edge of the fallow
who can see the futures. Oh, I just was told
he was going to help me. Right. But only if you
can bring all of these people too. And she taps
her finger on the paper again. Okay. Just because
I like the drawing. Okay. He really doesn't help
most people. You should be intrigued at the very
least that he wants to see you. So they're like
here? Like in the backyard? Nope. It's about...
A 48 -hour walk from here if you wanted to go
on foot. Or you can simply have me take you there
and it will be an instant. Do we understand your
mission tomorrow when the sun officially comes
up is to go into town and hang out into town
until all of these people are with you and then
bring you back? Bring them back. You'll take
me there? Yes. So you would be going there anyway?
I'm going right back there right now. So I could
give you the drawing. And you could just bring
him back. It's the middle of the night. Why would
I go find all these people? Well, not right now,
but like if you're going to go and be there in
the morning anyway. This is your job. I can't
be the one who does this. Is it a quest? Yes.
I accept your quest. This is the difference between
Blink and B .O .B. Blink talks himself into it.
B .O .B., you do have to trick. Blake tricks
himself. She seems to smile as you seem excited.
Hands you the piece of paper. Hands you a small
sack of money, clearly, as it jingles as she
drops it off. She says, that's so you can at
least enjoy your time in the city. You're paying
me? Sure, if that's how you want to see it. How
much is it? Seven gold. Broke ass. I'm rich.
I really want us all to try to draw this drawing.
i'll commission lucas that's really fucking cool
if you're listening to this right now submit
your own drawings of the game there is like a
level of so good at art that you could circle
back to intentionally making the worst the best
bad crayon drawing right you could also buy a
copy of this as a poster for your room at this
link here Yes! We did it. We're back, baby. We're
back. But then she says, understood? When do
we leave? I will leave now. But you said you
were bringing me. After you have all these people.
You said I could either walk or you'd bring me
there. After you have all these people. Understood?
You bring them back here. Okay. And then I take
you to the Oracle. How much time do I have? You
should be able to do it tomorrow. Okay. If you
try, you will get it done tomorrow. You want
to play a game while we wait? I really have to
be somewhere. Okay. But if you get back with
everyone before sundown, we might have time to
play a game. I definitely perk up after that.
Got him. I'm excited. She says, great. Any questions?
What was your name again? Adelheid. Thank you,
egg been gone. And she turns away, turns around
to say something to you and decides better and
flips around. opens the door and when she opens
the door you see that on the other side of your
bedroom door is the blue moonlight and a couple
of trees she takes one step out turns to look
at you and waves and closes the door you know
that that door is supposed to go out to the hallway
Oh. Blink would not notice. Cool. She was gone.
Nice. What a guy. What a little guy. Maybe he
should roll to notice, you know? All his normal
hair. Roll to it for him. Guys, I know you want
to roll in Dozens and Dragons, but it's got to
mean something. No. Nope. No. See, check this
out. National 20. I lied. It's a two. Chris,
you are on horseback with an L, very sober. Oh,
no. What's his name? You'll have to pull it up.
I don't remember. Josh. Why didn't you write
this shit down? I did. Oh, okay, okay, okay.
Don't yell at me. Kyle, you're pretty far from
your microphone. Oh, shit. There we go. There
we go. Thank you. Cool. His name is Mark. Of
course it's Mark. Sorry it's Mark. We're getting
a lot of white guy names. Yeah, dude. It's better
than my go -to greppery. Mark has been... sober
for the last two days of your trip he he had
something to drink for the rest of them but in
these last two days he has been just the worst
to fucking be around and we'll we'll pick up
on that and he he's on the back of your horse
and he says honestly do you we'll be there in
like two days do you think i could have a turn
like piloting the horse this time no not happening
I know I got us lost last time, but I really
think. Bro, I'm telling you right now. Bro. Bro.
Like, I'm doing you a favor. I'm helping you
out. I'm bringing you to this quiz place or whatever.
Quiz place? Quiz place. We're going to quell,
right? Oh, yeah. We're going to quiz. Like, can
you just sit there? All you have to do is sit
there. I'm not asking much from you. All you
have to do is sit there and shut up. Shut up.
Mark says, sorry, sorry. In silence for a bit,
you apologize. He nods. He says, sorry, I've
been kind of a jerk. It's cool. It's cool. Me
too. It's fine. We'll get there. Don't worry.
Yeah, I wouldn't even get to ride that long anyway.
So it's fine. Yeah. It's all good. And he sits
there a little shy for a second and he says,
you know, since I'm going to be on a boat soon,
I'm kind of not really afraid to ask anymore,
but. Were you born like that? Was I born like
what? Be specific now. You can't just ask if
someone's born like that. He stops and really
thinks about it if he wants to ask. And he seems
to be wrestling if this is an okay thing to do.
But your demeanor seemed pretty chill. And I
said, go ahead, go ahead, ask. And he says, well,
the rabbit stuff. Sure, yeah, the rabbit stuff.
Yeah, no, no, no, no, I wasn't. I was born a
normal person. Like you, totally normal. And
then I found a glowing purple rock in this cave.
I touched it, turned me into a rabbit. Really?
The same ever since. No! He like shuts up after
you yell at him and he looks a little dejected.
And you ride another five minutes and he goes,
what could have happened? My brother found a
weird purple rock once and it made him act really
weird. Oh, you think I'm weird? He looks like
he wants to shut up again. So I'm funny. How
funny? Clown funny? Do I amuse you? What's funny
about me? And as you ride and get to the edge
of town, he goes, I'm really sorry about what
I said about the rabbit thing. I've never met
someone that... It's cool. I get it. And you've
never been to Quill? No, no, I haven't. It's
fine. They've got, like, horse people. Is that...
Do you know? No, yeah, I'm kind of into that.
Yeah. Oh, okay. Wait. Do you know... Don't look
at Chris's search history. Gerben? Oh, my God.
Who's that? Gerben. He's my horse friend from
Quell. No, no. Is there a... Is there a horse...
Is there a horse humanoid race? Yeah, yeah. What's
it called? It's just horsemen. Horsemen? So,
like, there are centaurs, but then there are
horsemen as well, and it has a dark history and
quality you'll learn later. Okay, okay, I got
you. No, I can't say I know a Gerben. Centaur
guy? Kind of? No, he would get offended if he
said that, actually. It's not cool to bring up
stuff like that about people. Okay. You don't
got to tell me. I'm very familiar. Gerben's a
friend of yours for a while? Yeah, he was a horse
guy, so I thought maybe you knew him. Okay, so
when I say horse guy, it's wrong, but when you
say horse guy... You said centaur, bro. All right,
all right, all right. And he rides for a little
bit longer, and he says, did I pay you for this?
I know I was kind of fucked up when we met. You
paid me a little bit, like three, four gold.
And you decided you were going to ride me? like,
seven days for three or four gold? You're pretty
cool, man. I got nothing else going on. Really?
Really. And he goes, oh, cool. And you see, like,
he, like, leans past you to look forward to see
how far the city is. Like, he doesn't want to
talk about you. And he's like, you know, we're
just about here. And he looks a little shy. And
he goes, I think I might walk on the rest of
the way. You think you might walk? Yeah. I just.
I know some people in town and... You know some...
Listen, it's not a you thing, but like... I don't
want to be seen with you. No, no, I'm not worried
about me. I'm worried about you now. What do
you mean? I'm worried that, like, if I'm seen
with you, maybe I want you to walk. What? You
think I'm racist or something? No, I think you've
got enemies in town that I don't want to fuck
with. No, they're my friends and they'll just
laugh at me if I'm riding on the back of a horse
being ridden by a rabbit. They will, bro. I'm
sorry. All right. All right. Sounds good. Hey,
whatever, man. Listen, I'm not trying to offend
you or anything. No, it's cool. It's cool. Don't
want to get laughed at. Hey, neither do I. Neither
do I. So you just, and I'm going to slow, I'm
going to slow us to a stop. I'm going to hop
him off. You go ahead. He like gets off and he
looks pretty good with the choice he made. Cool.
And you watch him take a few steps away from
you and he stops and he looks back and he goes,
am I being a dick? No, it's cool, man. It's cool.
Okay. And he turns away. And I'm going to follow
like 10 feet behind him. Oh, okay. And I'm going
to keep that distance. No matter the speed, I'm
going to keep that distance. He gets a little
closer to town. He like waves his hand behind
his back for you to back up. Like, come on, back
up, dude. I'm just like looking at the scenery.
Okay. He heads into town and he quickly like
goes down the side street. So you're not following
him anymore. Unless you want to follow him, but
he's trying to get away from you. No, no, there's
probably enough interesting stuff in the city
that I'm looking around at that I'm like, forget
that guy. Yeah, I will say coming into Crash.
This was a net positive. I got a lot of money
out of that guy. Yeah, were you lying to him
when you said three or four goals? I super did.
Okay, cool. Yeah, you took a lot from him. I
did take quite a lot. You are heading into Crash
and it is this massive coastal town. And you've
seen coastal towns, but this is the only one
with like a massive dock system. So there's just
ships on ships sitting in ports, some of them
towering high, one of them a giant freighter
that looks to have some construction being done
on it. You see the town is a modest size. It's
bigger than anything you've been in before. And
it's pretty hip happening, hustle and bustle,
lots of shops, things like that. And as you're
coming into town, I might just keep it really
simple there just so we can move everyone else
into town. B .O .B. Yeah. You ready? Do you need
a sec? No. Cool. We are hopping straight to Doug.
You found him. He broke you free of your box
and you are getting off the ship and walking
down the docks. You see dock workers point at
you and begin to like clear way so that you and
your massive machine can make their way down
this pretty narrow dock. Some people like completely
hang off the side of that dock so you have room.
With your big machine. Are you in it, on it,
near it? They would see this, essentially, a
large suit of armor, for lack of a better word
of that time. And B .O .B. would just be riding
on the shoulders of Doug, just happy as a clam,
very excited to, he's just happy to be there
as he sees the faces of horror as this large
figure is just... B .O .B.'s got this giant metal
Goliath following him around now. Oh my God,
you have Beast Boy and Cyborg all in one. Yes,
yes, yes. It is, you know, two for the price
of one, just the way I designed it. Yes, but
he would be riding on the shoulders and the thing
just stomps on down and everyone runs in terror.
Yeah, absolutely. As you stomp through town,
people are clearing way. Some of them running
into their homes. Some of them simply... pointing
and shouting for others to look at what is traversing.
Pretty quickly, you garner the attention of men
with swords on their hips as they wear some semblance
of a badge, a piece of bronze metal on their
chest and dark blue clothing. And as you get
to the end of the dock, there's three or four
of them in a semicircle putting their hand up.
We're going to need you to stop right there,
pal. Oh, okay. And they seem a little scared.
Oh, but you talk like that? Yeah. Oh. As he's
not in mech, he's on mech. Gotcha. Yes. He says,
who's your friend there, goblin? Oh, this is
Doug. You think he can step out of the giant
machine? No. Okay. You're making people uncomfortable
there, Doug. I don't think he understands that.
Let me try to explain to him. Doug, they do not
like you. Because you are large. I think. Right?
Is that what you are implying? Yeah. Doug, they
do not like you because you are large. What should
I do about it? Doug, make yourself a little bit
smaller. And like crouches down a little. Perfect.
Wonderful. All right. We shall be on our way.
Hey, pal. He can just get out of the armor, maybe.
Oh. Do you think there's someone in there? I'd
imagine there have to be. Oh. I know those quell
machines went away a while ago, but I recognize
one when I see one, and there's probably a guy
in there, like the guards used to use. Oh. I
don't know what that means. Let me check. And
I like pop open his tin can head. I don't know
why I described it like that. I pop open his
head and I peek in. I'm like, hello. Hello. Hey,
Doug, can you step out for a second? The robot
takes one step forward. The guards take one step
back. Huh? Nobody home. Oh, I got it. Don't stay
right there. I hop inside of Doug's head and
then crawl down. You just hear like. And and
I say, OK, I'm ready. And I and I hop out. And
I say. Okay, I'm out of the machine. Uh, just
you in there? Yep, just me. Okay, pal, well,
if you're coming into town, why don't you leave
the robot on the ship? Well, Doug's my friend,
and I don't want him to get lonely. Listen, pal,
what are you, a goblin? Uh, yes. You know, we've
been having a real goblin problem around here
recently. Oh, I can fix that. Oh, could you?
Yeah, I can fix anything. I think I can fix it
too. Oh, okay. Why don't you tell us where you
came from, little goblin? Oh, I came from Galahalo.
That's where all goblins come from. Could you
point to that on a map? Mm -hmm. Tell you what,
your big metal friend could come with us, but
you're going to have to point to that place on
a map. Great. You hear that, Doc? We're going
to go book a map. Yeah. Brings you and your big
robot friends to a small guard house and unfurls
a map. And he says, okay, Goblin, right here.
This is Crush. Where would that little hollow
be? Oh, Crush. That's where we are. That's correct.
Wow, Crush. What else? We just want you to point
to Golo Hollow. What's that? As he points to
like a mountainous range. That's the Cone Four
Mountains. Oh, what's that? As he points to a
lake. Operation forced the DM to name 10 things
back to back to back. Do you mind if we have
my boys check out your machine? Operation failure.
Oh yeah, they can make him look at Doug. Okay,
they go over to look at the machine. He's like,
I don't know about this map. Let me ask you this.
Does it ever willingly happen? Him explaining
where Galahad was? Yeah. I feel like after he...
Or is the bit he never does? I feel like after
he has successfully obtained what every aspect
of the map is... I don't think he'd ever get
there, buddy. Okay, then. I think the guy would
stop. Then, you know what? I'm going to roll
for it. Can't stop you, I guess. Yeah, you really.
It's a D12 though. It's going to be an intelligence
just to see if he locks in an 18 plus five, which
is 23. Cool. At that point, he would just keep,
he would just want to know more. Gotcha. So he
just passes him and never gives up. Good job.
You never give up that information. And if the
guy just gives up, he's just like, okay. All
right, pal. I got the okay from my guards that
there's not anyone else in there, but you see,
we got this official decree from Quell that said
to arrest anyone in ownership of these repossessed
machines. Oh, you're talking to me. Oh, yeah.
What? We're going to have to take you to jail,
bud. Oh, okay. I've never been to jail. Is it
far? No, it's not far. Can you point it at the
map? I'll take you there. Okay, great. Can I
keep this? The map? Yeah. Sure. Wow. And he walks
you a few buildings over to a large, thick stone
building. Mission obtained map. Success. And
he says, do you mind? Your body's going to have
to wait outside. Oh, Doug's not going to jail?
No. Oh. He'll join us shortly when we have a
bigger jail. Oh. Okay, how long do I get to go
to jail and Doug does not get to go to jail?
Oh, don't worry. He'll be right outside. You'll
be right inside. You won't be far. Doug, I'll
be right back. I'm just going to jail. He takes
you in and he gets his keys out and he puts it
in the lock and he opens the cell door. And you
walk in? Yeah. Okay, he closes the door and he
locks it. Wow. This is nice. Good luck getting
us together past the legal system, bud. These
bars look very chewable. Chewable. Hey, don't
let me catch you chewing all those bars. As his
mouth is already kind of... Hey, stop it. Sorry.
I thought that was the intent of these bars.
You thought they were edible bars? Yes. What
the hell is wrong with these goblins? Listen,
all I know is I'm about to get a payday for turning
in this machine. So why don't you let your little
goblin body get all relaxed and I'm going to...
Okay. And I just like turn into like mush fruit.
You see pure disturbance on this man's face as
he leaves the room. I ain't bored. Yeah, you're
in jail now. All right. Who's next? Real quick,
that guard, the entire time I was thinking poison.
Right. Yeah, it was real Patrick Warburton. Kuzco's
poison. I was thinking the same thing. Kuzco's
poison, specifically designed for Kuzco. I mean
that poison. Kuzco's poison. So you'd be always
in jail now. Congratulations, good job. Fighting
the power. You mean I get to go to jail? I'll
be right back. I gotta go to jail real quick.
That's cool. be always in jail great okay vein
fit check vein fit check what do you how high
are your heels today yeah yeah what is he wearing
not in like a weird way but it's just like i
need to know what to make fun of you about kind
of way what is he wearing like what's like the
ruffle situation what's the lace situation there's
a bit of rufflage but it's all a bit of rufflage
uh you know dirty and charred by this point i
bet you're like covered in blood and shit yeah
yeah it's like all over your clothes that's crazy
white hair that's keela in vain uh what do you
think it looked like sailing with vein on your
ship crush was like a day away i'll tell you
what he probably stayed in the room cool he like
let him out for some enrichment time every now
and again so he doesn't like chew his own arm
off but yeah wait please I needed enrichment
I need enrichment I need enrichment desperately
I need to do like a treat puzzle or something
like your dog yeah she makes beef popsicles for
her dog by putting the licky mat in the freezer
that's awesome can you make some for me that
sounds sick sure buddy um okay Let me suck on
some beef. A pirate and a vampire and an old
man. Walk into a bar. Walk into a bar. No, you
are docking in Crash. The door is opened. The
old man, when you are letting him go, is very
grateful. He says, thank you for getting me back
home. I have to go share some terrible news with
some families, but I'm grateful I'm back to...
Not have to give it to mine. And he sort of smiles
and then gets sad that all of his friends are
dead. Yeah, well, you know, you're a great cook.
So real thanks for that. And she'll give him
like five gold or something like that. He looks
incredibly grateful. He says, whoa, this is what
I would have been paid for the whole voyage.
Really? Look, I'm going to tell you what you
have to start. Well, I guess there's no one to
start with. Hey, look, brand new beginnings.
You can start from the beginning. Demand a better
wage. Because I'll tell you what. If you try,
like, and don't go telling anyone I told you
this, but if you, like, try pirating, I promise
you'll make more than that. I can't give you
an exact number. I've got a guy for that. I'm
much too old to pirate, I think. You could sit
in, like, a crow's nest or something. Not on
my boat, but, like, if a different one came through
here. It's something you could consider if you
want to actually make money worth living for.
Anyway. I think I'm good going out to sea after
what I saw today. I'm going to go enjoy life
with my family. With the small fortune you paid
me. Small... All right, cheers. He looks at you,
Vayne the Vampire Man, and it's now daytime.
It is the morning, and he looks at you and he
says, I think you should go see a doctor. I don't
think that would help. I think you do, actually.
What do you mean? There's a healer in town. She's
one of the best, if you... Needs some magical
healing. I actually don't know what you're talking
about. Best be on your way then before I go taking
that money back. Didn't I do the whole thing
talking about how gross your eye was? Do you
want to do it again? Oh, okay. And he skedaddles
away. And it's just you in vain for a moment.
But Sable gets off the ship and says, what's
the plan? Old man's home. Old man's home. So
we're going to turn around. We're going to get
back on the ship and we're going to hit another
route. We could probably stop for a drink first,
listen in, see if there's any traders coming
through, any big merchants, any big pots, any
big scores we could get while we're out here,
and then just on to the next thing like normal.
The next thing like going home? No, the next
thing like the next trade route. He looks at
you, Vayne, and he says, our work's not usually
free. Can you pay us? I reach into my coat. Did
I think to bring any money with me? I don't think
money is a thing that exists in that castle.
Ah. You know, you probably don't find in your
coat. There are many ways to pay for something.
Whoa. I... She looks at Sable. She looks back
at you. Wait, no. Not like that. I sort of prefer
my ventures a little bit more alive. I'm flattered,
really, but... Alive? He's... Clearly not dead.
He's moving around and talking. Did you believe
the underworld things? Not necessarily, but he
looks like he could be a corpse, so he might
as well be. Anyway, my point still stands. What
he said, what have you got to pay us? Pretty
much nothing. But there's something I'm missing
that I think you have. So maybe give that back
and then I can figure it out. Maybe I can, what
I mean by do something, like I can perform a
favor for you, like a quest. The correct term
this time, it is a quest. I will go on a quest
for you. You don't get out of a castle much,
do you, buddy? I've been referred to as a conquest
before, I think. But not a quest. That's a new
one. That's a new one for me. Now you are just
deliberately misinterpreting me. I don't think
I am. Anyway, I don't have anything of yours.
You're sort of empty -handed when you're hanging
out on the... Deck of a ship, sword to like a
mangled corpse. As fun as this conversation is,
Kila, we need to talk. Sir, you're pretty sure
the tavern in Crash is down the way. Oh, get
around for me. I'll be there in a second. Did
you see that item? It's a black hilt, like a
hilt of a sword, but without the sword. I don't
know what you're talking about. Kila, give him
his weapon. It's not a weapon. It's a rock. Shit.
She pulls it out of her pocket and hands it over.
Is that what you're talking about? Do you just
hit people in the head with a wee bit of a rock?
Oh, yeah. It might as well be a rock in your
hands. Kila, we need to talk. Are we meeting
up with our friend here later? Probably not.
You just said go ahead, wait up for me to him.
Oh, I want him to like buy around or something.
I'll be in like the tavern in a second if that's
where he's hanging out. Tell you what, I will
scrounge up some coin and pay you properly for
whatever you have done for me. Keeping me captive
in the weeks. Sounds good to me, Ruffles. Why
don't you go ahead and do that there? You have
until tomorrow morning when we're leaving. I
look at my Ruffles and I'm like... The Ruffles
on his shirt, not the chips in his pocket. And
then I eat some of the Ruffles in his pocket.
There were no Ruffles. No Ruffles in the pocket.
Once per day, Vayne can summon Ruffles. Do they
have ridges? Ruffles have ridges. All right,
all right, all right. But yeah, you were getting
the stare down, like, okay, get lost from Sable.
I stare down, but back up as I guess I head to
the tavern. Sable and Kila are left behind on
that dock to discuss, and you are thrown into
human civilization. There are people moving through
the streets, commerce, carts, people selling
things out of stalls, fishing ships, unloading,
lively down here at the docks. People don't seem
to pay too much attention to you. Every so often
you make eye contact and people like do a double
take and stare at you because you do look different
with your pale skin and white hair. But you're
not like drawing a crowd. Any plans, mister?
I'm going to make some money. I can't. OK, so
I'm blending in pretty well. No one really cares
that some double takes. But no, you're not drawing
a crowd. I'm going to I'll go straight to the
tavern. Great. I can find it. The tavern is called
the Fallen Oak, and it's just a really shanty
structure with not a lot of repairs getting done.
There are holes in the ceiling. There are holes
in the walls. But the patrons are pretty lively
in there and seem to enjoy each other's company.
When you step in, heads turn, but conversation
doesn't really seem to stop. They're not abruptly
shocked by your presence. Everyone just seems
to look when someone walks in in case they know.
All right. Tons of people at this bar. You haven't
been around this many people in God knows how
long. The barkeep eyes you as you walk in and
seem to be a little overwhelmed, but he goes
back to serving customers, shooting you a glance
every so often. I'll go to the bar. This is Vane's
flair bartender art. Great. Can I hold him out
the kitchen? A slender looking old man looks
at you as if to address you, but doesn't say
anything. Hello. Oh, hello. What's going on with
you? Just, uh, I'm new around here. Clearly.
Thank you. You from Quail dressed all like that?
Well, actually, no. I'm from a different place.
You may not have heard of it. Buddy, geography's
kind of my thing. It's not exactly a geographic
location. It's not on any maps. Have you been
drinking? No. Actually, you could fix that, though.
Yeah, I could. Yeah. Opens a bottle and he says,
you looking for something light or strong? Can
I drink? Like normal drinks? No one's provided
you alcohol since. Or like as a, oh, I've never
tried it. Okay. Something strong. Nice. Nice.
You see him put a short glass and fill it with
a dark liquor about a quarter of the way. Oh,
and if I'm going to provide you this very secret,
very sacred information. Perhaps you could toss
a cup of silver on that table right there. I
put out my hand and also make sure, because I'm
a noble, I have a signet ring. Okay. To show
that I'm like... He looks at it. He seems pretty
unimpressed by the ring. But he says, how about
I tell you the story? Are you telling me the
story and I'll give you the drink for free? I'm
gonna... I need those silver. Sorry, I'm not
from here. I need your currency to even get around
a bit. You see? You understand when you go into
a place of business, I'm not giving you drinks
and money just because you show up. I would go
bankrupt. I understand that. You can give me
that persuasion check we talked about earlier.
What you need to understand is that this information
you're about to hold, no one else in the world
even knows. Ten. I'll give you one silver, and
you can have that drink right there. But I'll
tell you what, and he puts his hand over the
drink. Tell me first. All right. That's fine.
You don't have to actually go into detail there.
You're getting one silver from this. Kila, Sable
turns and looks at you, and he says, Come back
to the ship. We need to talk. We could go get
a drink instead. I feel like that is probably
the move to keep spirits high while we're on
such a long journey. If you're not going to walk
back to the ship with me, I will just tell you.
We are going home tomorrow. Be careful with what
you're going to say next. Kila, it's not your
ship. It's not our ship either, but it just belongs
to us in the same way it belongs to Benthos.
I think you're losing sight of what's going on,
and I think it's time for us to go home. Losing
sight. That's a real class act of you. Real good
one. You know I'm not actually... Fancy yourself
a comedian there, do you? Because she doesn't
have an eye. No way. Hila, stay here if you want.
We already voted. What do you mean you already
voted? When you came off the ship to drop the
old man off, we took a vote, and... You're not
right. You can't, Captain. This is mutinous.
You know that. No, this is... It is. With all
due respect, Kilo, we took a vote. It's only
mutiny if we don't. You just happened to have
this vote without me there and you didn't feel
like telling me about it. I can make it again
in front of you if you want. No, it's fine. It's
fine. Go home. See what I care. All you want
to go home and sit on your arses all day and
just let benthos crumble into the ocean. I'm
going to be out there doing something about it.
But go on, go home where it's comfortable. Sorry,
this life, you just couldn't cut it. Hila, we
can do all this pirating at home. What are you
talking about? Not in the same way you can out
here. And he stops for a second. You see him
really contemplate if he wants to ask you this
question. Is it your dad? Is it my? Of course
it's not my dad. What would even make you suggest
that? You just seem to be in a fight when we
left. But you're telling we talk like that all
the time. It's not a big deal. It's not about
my dad. But if this life is too gritty for you,
that's fine. Go home, pirate out to the harbor.
See what I care. We're going to go to the tavern
tonight. I already paid the dock fee. And then
we're coming back here first thing in the morning.
And Kila, I hope you'll come with us. Don't count
on it. We've done the pirating. We've made the
money. We'll continue to make the money. Why
does it have to be out here? The prizes are bigger.
The ships are better. We could trade up, trade
up, trade up. But if you want to be content crab
fishing, that's fine. We do what we do because
it's safe. Safe doesn't fill pockets. Safe doesn't
smatter your name across the world. I want to...
That's disgusting. I don't want to say anything
like that about smattering anything about myself.
But I'll tell you what. I want to sleep in my
bed knowing that I fed my people. I don't need
to smatter my name across anything. I'll see
you in the morning, Keela. Go get your drink.
Think about it. She's mad. She's grumpy. It's
like teetering on like a temper tantrum. Her
face sort of gets a little red, kind of like
Tinkerbell's does when she gets real pissed off.
And she just sort of stomps away like a child.
Blink. The sun comes up for the day. I don't
know if you went back to bed after that, that
moonlight conversation. No, no, no. A blink had
spent the rest of the morning drawing slightly
worse versions of the drawing individually, like
each person alongside himself, but like super
muscular and way bigger than like the, whoever
else is in the drawing. Nice. Very cool. Um,
you wrap up all your drawing and you decide it
might be time to go out into the world. And as
you walk out your front door, you see Chris ride
by on a horse. The furry one. And I'm going to
sprint after the horse. Cool. You can easily
catch up. He's not like sprinting through town.
But yeah, you catch up to him on his horse. Is
the man still walking beside him? No. Oh, okay.
He ditched him. Hey, hey, slow down. Kyle is
pretending to ride faster away. Here, buddy,
buddy. Do you stop the horse quickly? Stop whip
around. And I turn around and I see it's like
a kid. And I'm like, oh. He's not though, right?
He's very obviously like a young adult. So I'm
very confused. And I'm like, okay, that voice
came from that. Young adult person, but it sounded
like a kid. So I'm just like looking at him like,
what the? Thank you for stopping. I've been looking
for you. I think. What? Are there more of you?
Are there more of me? Are there like a lot of
people that look like you? Like around? Like
a herd maybe? You tell me. And I do one of these.
And there's a lot of people, like humans walking
around. Not a lot of rabbits. I don't think so.
Okay. Have you always looked like this? You know,
I already used one joke today about that. Yes,
I've always looked like this. About to go into
the wicked monologue. I've always looked like
this. I didn't eat salad as a kid or whatever
she says. So this is you, and I hold up the drawing
that I did of me and you. And in this one, we're
holding hands. Yeah, I don't think that's me.
Are your parents around? Where are your parents
at? Far away. Far away. Okay, so what? There's
like a bunch of newsboys somewhere? Like, where
are your friends? No, no. You're my new friend.
Yeah, right. No, I need you. I need you to come
back to my house. I need you to come hang out
in this house with me. And I like look around
to see if anybody is like noticing this interaction.
There's one old lady who's like sweeping her
porch who's watching you to see what you're going
to say to this guy. Apple pie told me that you
needed to be with me. And I look at the old lady
and I'm like, Do you know this kid? I've never
seen him before in my life. Cool. And I start
leaving. I just keep going. I'm going to half
jog alongside him, keeping up with the horse's
trot. I imagine I can't really go very fast in
town with people everywhere. We're also looking
for a big guy, an eyepatched lady. Um, I think
a dead guy, um, and, uh, a little green. Would
we know what like goblins are? Yeah. Yeah. And
a goblin. That's, that's great. This is like
some sort of scavenger hunt for school or what?
No, I think like a club we're starting. A club.
Yeah. School. Sounds like fun. No, I'm not in
school. You're not in school? No. Okay. Yeah.
I'm in school. I never would have guessed you
weren't in school. So what's your name, rabbit
guy? Hops? Sure, you can call me Hops. Okay,
Hops. So you're going to help me find these other
people. For what? What else are you doing? None
yet. What's that? I just can't win with these
people, man. Why? Why do I attract all these
crazies? What are you trying to find me for?
What is this obsession? You're trying to find
someone that looks like me for what? Why? Apparently,
like, what is it like I get? You get to meet
the Oracle. We're going to meet the Oracle. I
think maybe I'll let. I'll see if you get to
talk to him too. Oh, wow. That sounds great.
Yeah. Have you met an oracle before? No, no.
Sounds like a lot of fun though. Yeah. Oh, great.
So you're in. No, I'm definitely not. Did you
have another rabbit guy, friend, brother? Nope.
Just me. Then it has to be you. What, what has
to be me? Can I get on your horse? I'm tired.
Oh my gosh. Uh, I'm gonna, I'm gonna like stop.
What's around? A lot of rows of homes, really
low income, shoddily built, one story homes.
That old lady was sweeping her porch. You see
not a whole lot. It's a four way intersection.
No stores in either one. A little isolated. There
are people in the streets walking past you, but
like you probably come within five feet of someone
every 20 seconds. You need like money or something
like what? I could pay you if you come with me.
You could pay me? Yeah, I have a lot of money.
Oh, yeah, I bet. Yeah, for sure. Let's see it
then. I pull out my ankle. I look around. I'm
like, better than nothing, I guess. And I'm like,
okay, so what do you need me to do? What's going
on? So we find these other friends. We round
them all up. Or you could hang out at the house.
What other friends? What are you talking about?
I pull out. I'm like, oh, oh. And I kind of shuffle
through the papers and I pull out the original
one of all of us. I'm like, we have to find all
these people. And is this one like pretty accurate?
It looks a good amount like you. It has your
quiver. It has your bow. So I take that from
him and I'm like, where did you get this? Apple
pie gave it to me. Apple pie. Great. Apple pie
is like your imaginary friend or what? I think
she's real. She came to the door in the middle
of the night. Came to the door in the middle
of the night. Apple pie. seven gold and and you
need to find these other people yeah they're
here i opened the door and there you were so
it must be a good sign and i'm like listen i
don't know who you got this from apple pie cherry
pie pumpkin pie whatever you want i'm i'm good
all right i don't know if you're scamming i don't
know if you're you could take the gold if you
come with and i'm like on the horse i might just
take the golden run I hand out the gold innocently.
All right. All right, fine. So I take the gold
and I'm like, lead the way. I awkwardly try to
get on the back of the horse. No, no, no, no,
no. Oh, okay. No, this is my horse. Me and Nancy
have a special bond now. Hops at Nancy. What
happened? My name's Chris. Hi, Chris. That's,
yeah. Hi. All right, lead the way. You see, as
you are resolving that, you see a guard approaching
you. He's clearly a guard by his all dark blue
and his badge. As he approaches and he goes,
hold on there, pals. Why are you still on your
horse here in the middle of the city? I can't
be on my horse. I'm just walking down the street.
Do you see anyone else on their horses? Do you
see anyone else? Period. What do I got? And he
points to like some dude like way down the way.
Oh, yeah. What a hazard. I think we're going
to be OK. Oh, listen, pal. The rules are the
rules. You gotta take the horse to the stable.
You trying to dodge paying the fee or? Oh, nope.
Everything's cool. My new friend. Yes. My new
friend. Blink. Blink here was just showing me
to the stables. Weren't you, Blink? Yeah. Yeah,
it was. Yep. So, lead the way. Lead the way to
the stables. To the stables. Blink. I'm going
to lean real close into him and be like, where
are the stables? Just go somewhere. Doesn't matter.
Just start walking. I start walking. After like
the second or third time he said that, he just
keeps walking. Okay. And you see him turn and
walk away. You and Blink head down the street.
Just the house or towards the main town? Main
town. Okay, so you go deeper into town. Very
cool. As you two are walking along together,
you see a fuming woman with a scar across her
face stomping towards the direction of the tavern.
Clearly in a bad mood, maybe from a recent conversation
that wasn't. uh pleasant she has an eye patch
as well i start like smacking the leg of chris
on the horse and i'm like hold on i patch can
you uh roll me a d20 if it's less than a five
this horse is gonna kick you two oh you slap
the horse once and it sends your ass soaring
whoa nancy hey and i still have the picture and
i'm like looking at the picture like okay that's
Too much of a coincidence. I ask Blink, where's
she going? What's going on? I peel myself off
the ground. I kind of waddle back over. The fallen
oak, it looks like. And what is that? You know
a tavern when you see one. It's like a sixth
sense. Nice, nice. Should we go after her, right?
I think I'm going to go after her and you're
going to stay here. And watch Nancy. I don't
think she likes me. Yeah, well, that's because
you just haven't got to know her yet. And so
I ride over to the hitching post and I'm going
to tie up Nancy. You sit here with Nancy and
make friends. And I give him an apple to make
friends with Nancy. I take a bite of the apple
and I'm right behind you. No, you stay with Nancy.
This is my quest, Chris. You know what? I need
a drink too bad to argue with you anymore. And
I'm keeping this picture, though. And I keep
the picture. And I just walk into the tavern.
I'm just ignoring him at this point. You see
the pirate at the bar ordering a drink. I'm going
to sit as far away from her at the bar as possible.
Yeah, as far away as possible. All the way over
there. Blink, do you follow him in? I go right
up to the pirate. Okay. Great. Cool. And I order
a drink. Yeah, they'll serve you a drink. Mark
one silver out if you're missing it. Am I here?
Yeah, you're here. Okay. Kayla just walked up
to the bar next to you and started ordering a
drink. And you are wrapping up your conversation.
But you walk up. Yeah, yeah. Have you always
had the eye patch? Fuck me. Do you always look
like that? Not always, lad. Sometimes you encounter
things on the sea. Terrible things, but oh, the
prize you get from it is delightful. Where are
your parents? Weird. What do you mean? What do
you mean weird? You asked me the question. He
only knows how to have one conversation. You
look like that. You're weird. I don't really
like the seat. I think I have a drawing of you.
I'm flattered, me darling. But I think I'm a
wee bit old for you. You're like what? 16. Third
time today, 22. I pull out the drawing and I
just hold it up to her. And this is the drawing
you did because Chris has the drawing of all
of them. Yeah. Great. And I'm sitting at the
bar looking at this drawing and like looking
at her like something is not right. What's your
wisdom? 15. Okay. Your wisdom would be high enough
that you're starting to piece together that the
figure standing next to her is probably the dead
looking figure drawn on the page too. Okay. And
I'm like looking this picture all over. Yeah.
Like if there's any clues about where it came
from. There is a signature from the artist and
it says a T -H. T -H. And that's the only detail?
Yeah. Realistically, aside from that, it looks
like. It does look like a children's drawing,
maybe a talented child. It's a waxy color. There's
enough detail on it that I'm like, this is too
accurate. Your fur markings are 100 % accurate.
The eye patch, the coat, everything color scheme
-wise is 100 % accurate. In the drawing I'm holding
up, I also have a matching eye patch. Nice. What's
the pose? Hands on the waist, like in a heroic
pose. my foot like on top of like a cannon yeah
that's cool and where's keela in this picture
uh like like a fourth the size but like next
to me but like still like pretty accurate but
it's a great drawing i like the the detail you've
got with the eye patch they're really big aspirations
you seem to be striving towards if you don't
mind i'm grabbing a drink i don't really oh yeah
yeah just uh make it to go you need to follow
me She sort of raises her eyebrows at you. I
beg your pardon? No, no, no. I have a friend
and you need to come home with us. Well... Lads,
I'll be doing no such things. But the oracles...
You guys just don't trust anyone anymore. You
haven't told her anything! No one trusts anything
anymore. Everyone's so untrusted. I'm gonna level
with you, me darling. You are a stranger. And
you've just walked up to me in a tavern. And
while that's not entirely out of the ordinary,
this is a really strange conversation for me.
And I'm already sort of having a weird day. So
I would just like to drink my drink. And you
can be on your way. Hey, quick question. The
barkeep who was listening to you tell a story
butts in. Have you always looked like that? He
points to Blink. Like with the flowy hair. Since
I was born. But I look kind of like. Distraught
answering that question. That seems like something
I should... I really want to say something from
the other side of the bar, but I'm biting my
tongue. Trying to not get involved? Yep, trying
to not get involved. But more drinks and I just
might. The barkeep has to serve all these customers
so he can't sit and listen to all you guys talk
forever. But as he moves around the room and
you guys are able to tolerate Blink's questioning,
do we have any... other goals from this scene
truthfully is my question if not i'm i'm eventually
gonna probably go confront great then let's keep
it up look my friend he's he's over there and
i point directly and i'm doing and i take my
ears and i go nope if if i can get the attention
of the barkeep uh sure i want to like ask him
i'm gonna show him the picture i'm like do you
know a th say do you know a th and i show him
the picture barkeep looks at it and he Scratches
his head and he goes, only TH I know is like
87 and he draws much better than this. Lives
in town? Yeah. Okay. Is he aware? Yeah. Do you
know the two at the other end of the bar there?
And he looks. Well, one of them was just telling
me about the underworld. The underworld? Yeah.
I've got this feeling of like, what is happening?
What happened to my life? I should have just
stayed on that guy's couch. Yeah, dude. You really
should have. Underworld. Interesting. Never seen
that before? No. Just kind of came in. I'm starting
to think he's from that Quill place where all
the people act funny and look funny. Okay. I
actually was wondering, are you from Quill? You
know what? Why don't you just pour me another
drink? And I give him a silver. Pours you another
drink. Pours me a drink and I'm going to shoot
it and then go walk over there. And he has a
really mean horse. And I go, hey, speaking of
the horse, do you want to go make sure she's
still there? If I lose my horse, you're dead.
So why don't you go check on the horse? I kind
of, I look at him for a sec and then I quickly
fast pace, like quick go outside. You're trying
to check on the horse as fast as possible. Okay.
While he's doing that, I'm going to show Keela
the picture. Oh, you've also got a children's
drawing on you. Do you know anything about this?
Is that like, and she sort of gestures to where
Blink just left. Is that one yours? Because you
should really teach him that it's sort of dangerous
to start talking to random strangers. I'm armed
to the fucking teeth, dude. Oh, congrats. Wow.
You're so big and strong. What I'm curious about
is how this picture is so accurate with all of
us in it. And who's your underworld friend there,
by the way? Why don't you call me? Oh, you heard
me? What, Ruffles over here? I don't know. I
just picked him up. You just happened to pick
him up. Yeah. And do you know a T -H? And I show
her the back of the picture. No, I don't know
a T -H. What is with you weird people? Cool.
You know what? Forget I was ever here. And I
hand her the picture. And then I go back to the
other side of the bar. I hope that T -H is Tom
Hanks. Hell yeah. And I'll say, sorry for the
trouble. And I'll give her a silver piece. That
one's on me. I don't need your money. Oh, no,
but you do need a drink, don't you? So here,
that's for a drink. Cheers. I can't argue with
that one. Never turn down a free drink. That's
rule one. Can I go to the other side of the bar?
Okay, cool. When you come back in, Blink, they're
done talking. Do I see Vayne at this point? Yeah.
Okay. I run back in and I turn to Killian. I'm
like, oh, great job. Wow, you are a great finder.
Hi, I'm Blink. And I look at Vayne. I think I've
been here the whole time, but yeah, this pirate
lass found me. Oh, and I have your payment, by
the way. I pull out the single one silver doubloon.
What the fuck's a doubloon? That's what you call
them, right? That is not... All right. I feel
like you're leaning into some weird stereotypes
here. We're just sort of going to get ahead of
that. Do you want it? Yeah, I want it. She takes
it. She pockets it. It's free money. Hello? Of
course she's going to take it. So we just need
to find the goblin now. You are all interrupted
by a loud crash outside and you hear people scream
in the streets. The barkeep looks very frazzled
suddenly and you hear one of the guards yell,
Prisoner's loose! Prisoner's loose! Careful,
get to your homes! He's got a killing machine!
That's a wee bit exciting, isn't it? QL, throw
back the rest of her drink. get up from the bar,
put a couple gold pieces on the bar top, draw
a sword in one hand, a gun in the other, and
leave. From your point of view, what would have
happened? It would have dug, bust through the
fucking wall, and freed you. Yeah, exactly. I
have the tools, the right tool for the job, which
allows me to... Make any toolkit. Exactly. I
would start making a thieves' tools kit, and
by making, I mean grab it just out of my bag.
And as after a good couple of minutes of just
being completely, completely relaxed and jellied,
as he told me to be, I kind of hate the idea
that you can just turn the motionless jelly.
Yeah, I unjellify myself and I say, that was
nice. I really should be getting out of here.
As I dig in my bag, I grab my thieves tools and
I just kind of reach around the lock and I start
jiggling and clink, assumingly, unless you want
me to. No, you roll for that one. Yeah, I do.
Oh, yeah. Weren't you waiting to roll earlier?
You were trying to pick the lock? Yes. Cool.
What is that? A 10. On a 10, you get your little
hands in there and you attempt to pick the lock,
but it seems that human locks are a bit more
complicated than goblin locks. Oh no, this always
works. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to do
something drastic. And then I start writing on
the floor using my magical tinkering. I can make
a text of forms that says, thank you so much
for allowing me to stay in Your prison. Scratch
that out. Jail. It was very nice. I had a great
time. Love, Biobi. I lost count of how much that
was. Okay, Doug, I'm done. And then the wall
behind you fucking explodes as Doug frees you.
Yeah, and then I do uppies. And he picks you
up and you start rolling to the streets and it
causes a commotion and the guards are going to
try and take you out. And I will say, it's okay,
Doug. I left a note. I think Doug is silent on
that one. Hi, me again. I just wanted to say,
if you're enjoying our show, thank you so much
for being here and making it to the end and listening
to our first episode. If you enjoyed everything
you heard, please consider going on to Apple
Podcasts or Spotify and leaving a review. It
helps us get our show in front of new audiences
more than you probably understand. Yeah, that's
all for now. Thank you so much for hanging out
all the way to the end, and we'll see you in
two weeks. The correct term this time, it is
a quest.