Hi everybody, welcome to the Canine Connection
podcast. Today, Lori and I are going to talk
about pressure, but not pressure on the dogs,
pressure on the humans. Well, it's real, right?
So, and everybody has it. There's no way around
it. We put it on ourselves first and foremost,
right? That's the first thought that happens.
And it's easy to say, don't do it. Very easy
to say. Incredibly hard, incredibly hard to execute.
Thanks to our human monkey brain that loves chitter
chattering and telling us all kinds of crazy
nonsense that we then believe and go down a rabbit
hole with. Right. So, I mean, I know for myself.
I've been working on it forever and I still need
to work on it constantly. That never ends. Right.
Doesn't mean it doesn't get better. It's tons
better for me now. Tons easier. But does it ever
disappear? Absolutely not. It's there and it's
there externally as well. And that's the reality.
Right. Like they're at shows. People are watching
me. They're watching me walk in. They're watching
me warm up. They're watching me in the ring.
They're watching me leave the ring. Like, that's
the reality. There's no getting around it, right?
Quite often, I get judged differently. I'm not
saying that in a negative way. It just is what
it is. I think it's subconscious. Doesn't matter.
It happens, right? I post things on Facebook.
I do the podcast. Observed. And people have expectations.
They're not my expectations, but they have them,
right? And I hear it, whether indirectly or directly,
but I will directly hear it. Come out of the
ring. What happened? Come out of the ring. Didn't
get first place, which is pretty ridiculous,
right? You didn't get first place. What happened?
People say that stuff to me all the time, right?
Well, what's the deal with Zaina? Like all your
other dogs were really consistent. She's not.
Like I get comments constantly. Oh, you want
to get like, it doesn't matter. You win, you
lose. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah. Yeah. And, and
then you have to control your own emotions. Right.
Which is, and that's where it gets hard because
it's hard for me. Yeah. I already have issues
because, you know. because of my childhood it
was a disaster nothing was ever good enough like
it was a mess so I already had um self -esteem
issues not feeling good enough not worthy on
and on right and to this day I have like imposter
syndrome like I'll win and I'm like surprised
like oh really like and people like yeah you're
just no no no like that's how I feel and I do
feel pressure like even if in my brain intellectually
I understand a number of things one nobody wins
all the time they just don't in any sport that's
just the way it is and for sure not in dog sports
right and that's perfectly okay I can have a
class that I love and not even place especially
in the northeast very competitive right um I
can have a class I didn't love in place. I understand
that people are going to talk about other people
no matter what, no matter who you are, no matter
what you do. It doesn't matter. There are going
to be people that don't like you. It's all just
part of the thing. But keeping that all on like
in real time. managing that like coming out of
the ring having flunked or having quote -unquote
not one and not feeling like all those feelings
not because even I'm judging myself in that way
but because I know what other people are saying
like that's so hard and then managing all that
It's so hard. In real time at a trial. Jesus
Christ, it's hard. It's really hard. Like I everything
you said is exactly how I feel. And I'm not you,
obviously. See, even you just saying that puts
pressure on me. Sorry, Petra. Do you know what
I'm saying though? But that's a perfect point.
I understand. No, I know. In that moment, like
I feel like, oh God, I got, do you see what I'm
saying? I recognize it. I stopped it, but yeah,
right. But it's like the pressure of, you know,
ever, you know, I started my business. That put
me out there. And then I, I also post a lot of
stuff on Facebook and I don't do it to be like,
look at me, look at me because I post a lot of
my troubles on Facebook because I feel. I mean,
we don't have to go into that, but I want to
share, like, my whole thing is if I'm going to
teach, if I'm going to run a school, if I'm going
to do a podcast, like, the purpose is to, my
goal is to make our sport more collaborative
where we can help each other out and not have
that, I mean, everyone's competing. when we go
to shows, but at the end of the day, like I love,
I don't care if you win all the time, if I can
help you with something, I'm going to help you.
You know, I'm not going to be jealous or envious
or anything like that, but that's my purpose
of being out on social media. That's my purpose
of teaching, doing, sharing the podcast with
you. Like if we can help people, whether they're
thinking about competing or their multi -level
arch person like that's my goal and I think you
share that too but with it comes you know the
critics out there and boy they're everywhere
I mean unfortunately that's just what goes hand
in hand with our sport it goes hand in hand with
everything in life really but You know, it can
get pretty freaking, there's some deep trenches
of some toxicity with the criticism and all that
going on at dog shows. I think a lot of people
will agree with that who are listening. It's
actually turned people away from doing the sport.
But when you become, you know, a little bit of
a name or, you know, you're putting yourself
out on social media enough, like, and since I've
been doing the podcast. There's definitely been
pressure on me. It has affected my performances
this past year. It's something that I'm not ungrateful
for or it's not something that I wish I regretted
doing because it actually has really forced me
to get my head on and be able to bring. to the
table, what I need to bring to the table for
my own dogs at performances. Like, it's hard,
like you said. I mean, it is really hard to get
past all that stuff. And, you know, unfortunately,
like, I think that I'm the same way as you. Like,
I grew up in a super sporty home with parents
who held you know, high expectations of us in
school and in our sports. And it wasn't really
ever, we weren't really ever told we were doing
fantastic. It was always do better, do better.
So I feel that too. I have that kind of background
too. So I, you know, I feel it too. There's some
insecurities there, like with my own, like my
own self -esteem with my performance. especially
when I'm in the ring like there's a thing like
if I I went to a trial not long long ago and
I it's a place I haven't been to in a couple
years and I decided to go trial there and I'm
currently working through some issues with ever
so I was going just to kind of see if those training
techniques I was used working on we're going
to maybe hold up at a trial We had talked about
that on the podcast. This is the actual trial.
And I walked in and I think within like the first
half an hour, three people came up to me and
they're like, oh my God, you're Lori Winchester
Mavichus. Oh my God, I can't believe you're here.
I can't wait to watch you in the ring. And holy
shit. Like I literally was like, not only did
I like know that ever may have some struggles
in the ring, like I was prepared for that. But
now I'm now the pressure's on. Like I couldn't
help but feel that when people are directly saying
things like that to you, because then you're
under that under you're under the microscope
a little bit. Yeah. And you feel like people
have expectations that you're going to do a certain
way and your performance is going to be a certain
way. And then when it's not that way, then we
feel like it's a reflection on us. Like we're
not really that good. We're a fraud. Like here
we are teaching or here we are saying, oh, I'm
going to help you. And like people expect your
dog like wins all the time. It's perfect all
the time. Gets high scores all the time. And
the reality is like that couldn't be further
from the truth. Like it just doesn't work like
that. So like separating those feelings out.
Right. Not letting it affect your self -worth,
not letting it affect your performance. Right.
Like that. That's the really hard part. And it
just it just requires work. Like you just have
to be aware of it and you have to do some sort
of work on every day. So I am hyper aware. Right.
Like this because I've been working on it for
a long time. So now you said that. I can immediately
feel that I feel that. And then I can immediately
just flip that switch off and just go, yeah,
that's irrelevant. Right. Right. In the past,
I wouldn't have been able to do that. I would
have been like, oh, my God, I would have started
scribbling down things I need to work on in training.
And like, I got to go train. Oh, my God. Like,
you know. So I think just. The biggest part is
being aware. I think there's two pieces. One
is people have to recognize that everybody goes
through it. Like every single person feels the
same things. Like that's one thing we all share
as humans, right? We don't all handle it the
same, but we all feel it. We're all just human.
We all feel those same feelings. Right. And then
there's recognizing that we all feel that. So
stop. Because people waste so much time beating
themselves up for being unique. Oh, everyone,
no one else feels what I feel. Yeah, you're not
that special. We all feel it. And then figuring
out and recognizing that it's happening and then
start working on, you know, some sort of pattern
interrupt, right? some sort of strategy, whatever
that strategy is, so that you could start changing
that. I think when I see that my students recognize
that they're having this struggle and that it's
an issue and that it's affecting their performance,
to me, that's huge. That's the biggest step.
Right. And then next is actively being willing
to do something about it. Like you have to separate
your feelings from reality, which is objective
information. Right. Like at the end of the day,
they all might be watching. Maybe they say something
that day, but most people just go home and they
just care about their own. situation right like
what did third dog do how did third day go right
um what did they need to work on um I think that's
a big part of it and I think it's like you just
have to recognize that that's part of competing
like everything I've competed in it's kind of
like the same thing some of it is pressure we
put on ourselves too right like um I always have
to separate out like, what do I care about? Not
what does everybody like, I can't wrap what I
care about and what I want in with other people's
expectations or what I think other people's beliefs
and expectations are. So I have to always do
this mindful thing going into a trial, like,
okay. What are my goals? What am I trying to
achieve for my dogs? What do I care about? Make
sure that's very clear in my head. And then work
towards that that weekend and then evaluate objectively.
How did that go? And then go back and work on
that. versus just randomly going and being like,
Oh, I want a cue or I want a ribbon or I want
to score. Cause that's, you know, that's subjective.
Like we don't really have control over that.
Um, have process driven goals, right? Like I
want to be focused. I want to handle my dogs
a certain way. I want to see if certain things
I've been working on and training are getting
better. Right. That's and that's that's what's
really helped me a lot is really like I actually
what has helped me the most is thinking about
my dogs, you know, especially Ever because Stormy's
just starting out. So we haven't I haven't really
shown her. But with Ever, you know, it is like
it's hard enough for these poor dogs to be. doing
what they're doing. Like they don't ask to go
to these freaking trials. We always say that.
And it's hard. And on top of it, I'm not bringing,
I'm not doing my job in the partnership a hundred
percent if I can't like somehow manage those
feelings. and separate them, like you just said,
so that I have the ability to show up and focus
primarily on what I need to do. It's really hard.
It's like that outside noise going on all the
time. And that's just the mental management.
We've talked about that and we've had episodes
on that, but it always shows up, you know? But
that's the thing. And like, even at my last trial,
You know, somebody walked up to me and they were
like, I said, I watched her run and I said, oh
my gosh, your dog looks amazing. She had had
many, many issues going on like for the past
year. She's worked so hard. And I was like, you've
done an amazing job. Like, wow, you should be
so proud. And she was like, thank you so much.
She's like, but I overheard all these people
talking about, you know. My hand position and
how I should be getting hit for that. And I was
just like, that's the hard stuff. Like, cause
you know, what's going on, you know? And I just,
I told her, I said, it's the people are always
going to talk. Like there's always going to be
people doing that shit. I know. Don't. So annoying.
And that's the problem because you know, what's
happening. You've been standing there ringside.
You hear people talking like that. So you know
it goes on. And then, you know, that's the hard
part. That's where you start to feel the pressure,
you know. And I don't know. I'm just saying,
like, it's fucking hard. Like, I get it. It's
really hard. But I have, like, I really came
to, like. I had like a coming to Jesus moment
with myself. I'm like, you either hang this up
if you can't find a way to be there for your
talk. Or you need to find a way. And I did. Like,
I'm much better now. Like, even this past weekend
when we showed, like, I knew everybody was going
to be there. I know people are there that don't
support me. I know there's people there, like
with everything, there's people there that don't
agree with stuff I'm doing or whatever. I know
that. I've heard it. I've been around it. And
I knew most everybody was going to be at that
trial. And I went and I had my plan and I executed
it for my dog. And like that was my win. Like
it was really hard to do. But now I'm like I'm
so confident like I'm on the right track to be
able to do that and overcome that stuff because
the pressure is always going to be there. Always.
Yeah. And it's like you said, you either make
the decision that you're going to deal with it
and come up with strategies to go overcome it
or then just don't show. Right. Because it's
not going to go away. I think the most interesting
thing is like my biggest successes always came
when like so I'll give you an example. So with
Zeal, you know, he was really, really accurate
and he would just have these like. little he'd
always not always that's totally wrong but first
noca went to he was really green like i just
didn't even think we'd get to the end he gets
third so then um he gets more seasons and you
know he would either win a regional or he would
like have one like implosion where he would fail
and the rest would all be like super high scores
right which was frustrating but um then the next
few years I really wanted to win the NOC because
I wanted to prove that like you know the way
I was training was effective blah blah and he
would flunk and so at some point in his training
I came to the conclusion that he was already
working so far and above his natural genetic
ability that like, I couldn't really ask any
more of him or expect any more of him. Like he
was already way above and beyond what he should
technically be able to do. Right. And I talked
to some people I really trusted objectively,
like, and they agreed, right. They're like, dude,
like what you've gotten out of this dog, it's
already a miracle, whatever. So his last NOC.
I'm like okay well um we're just gonna go and
I'm just gonna you know I had figured some stuff
out over the summer and I said I'm just gonna
try and keep figuring stuff out for me can I
figure this out can I solve this problem for
me out of curiosity that's it not like because
I want to win or anything like that just can
I figure it out right right figured some stuff
out but I went to the NOC and I was like zero
chance we're gonna even like win or get to the
end like I'm just gonna like execute these things
try out these things I worked on over the summer
and over the fall and I'm just gonna do my job
and execute and that's all that's my only goal
right and that was my only goal through the whole
thing and guess what he won hmm hmm right um
this year with zesty like i already said it like
wasn't even gonna go he wasn't even prepared
like i was so relaxed because i had no expectation
like i didn't even think i was gonna get either
dog to the end right so like my training partner
who was helping me he was my assistant he was
like at one point like um he's like dude you're
in the ring like soon i'm like i am So at the
end of the day, he's like, I, even at the end
of the weekend, he's like, I have not, like,
I don't understand how you were so relaxed. You
were just like, you know, whatever. Like, yeah,
at some points I was like, ah, because it got
frantic with two dogs, but two dogs was actually
good. Cause I never had any time to think about
any results or anything other than what do I
do next? What do I do next? Now, what do I do
now? And my dogs are polar opposites, right?
And guess what? They did really well. Gee, I
wonder why. Maybe because I wasn't focused on
the outcome. Maybe I was focused on the process.
Right. And that's happened in other things in
my life where I was focused, so focused on the
process and not on the outcome. I mean, it was
the same thing with Tyler his first time. It
was like. My whole goal was like, stick to my
plan, stick to my plan. Like I had everything
written out in notes, like don't go off the rails.
And people were like going off the rails all
around me. And I felt this pull to do this, do
that. And I'm like, stick to the plan. Look at
your book. This is what your notebook says. Yeah.
You know, and that was, and I stuck to the process.
Like I stuck to the plan. That was my only thing.
As a byproduct, he ended up winning. Like, so
part of that is like, I stuck to the process.
Right. And did I do that every year? No. A lot
of times I messed that up, you know, and you're
like, well, but you dumb dummy, you know, the
recipe, why don't you execute it? Cause it's
hard. Right. But it's always the process. It's
always, if you're focused, things go way better.
If you're focused on the process, process goals
and like nothing makes me happier. Like now.
After teaching for years, when I see my students
say, I have a child this weekend and these are
my goals and their process goals. Right. I'm
going to stay connected to my dog. I'm going
to do my warm up. I'm going to use my pre cues.
I'm going to do these things. And then when they
give me the assessment, like sometimes I get
choked up. I'm like, yes. They're like, okay,
here's my assessment of the weekend. A, I met
most of my process goals. That's what they tell
me first. Or I did or I didn't. Like they address
the process goals first. Then they tell me if
their dog flunked or not. Right? They're not
like, my dog flunked. My world's coming to an
end. Like they're learning. That the important
piece is the process goals. Right. That's exactly
what it is. And that's what I did this past weekend.
And it was a game changer. And is it hard? Yes.
It's really hard. But that is exactly, you know,
and that's like if you listen to a bunch of,
like I've listened to a lot of podcasts where
they're. you know, top athletes have spoken about
the mental management and that's what they harp
on. Like you, in the moment, like you just need
to be step -by -step doing your plan, not thinking
about the outcome, not thinking about winning,
sticking to your plan, sticking to your process
goals. And it is, it is a game changer for sure.
I also think it's, you know, like we should look
at it. That these are not just good skills, like
learning to deal with the pressure, tune out
the noise. Like they're incredible life skills,
right? Like I'm so resilient now. Like things
don't bother me. Like life things happen, like
things in life, right? Like people unrelated
to dog sports can do something unkind to me.
Like it could be something like in everyday life
in the store, or it could be somebody. I know
well, like they could do something upsetting,
something hurtful or something where that I might,
I could potentially interpret a certain way or
whatever, or things can break or whatever can
happen. And I'm just like, nah, all right. You
know, I'm able to separate myself from it. am
I able to understand like why it happens that
sometimes it has nothing to do with me. It has
everything to do with them. Right. And even though
on the surface, like you could say, well, but
it was done to me, it hurt me or whatever, but
I can still separate myself from that and look
at it more objectively. Like, and I can look
at like, what did I do? Like, did I do? No, I'm
okay. Like with what I did. So therefore I'm
not going to go down a rabbit hole with this
thing. Right. Like in life, I just don't, I just
don't go there. Like, and I don't get sucked
in. So like people around me can start talking
about things and I'm just like, you know what?
I look at that. I'm not going there. Yeah. I'm
just not like, that's not where I want to put
my energy. yeah like I just don't like I I don't
want to sit here and go oh my god she did this
and he did that and they this like yeah I gotta
go I got things I gotta do yeah I'm the same
way I'm like no sorry I'm out yeah and so I think
that like I know that way back when I first started
this mental management journey, which I started
for dog competition, that I was then able to
transfer those skills to my everyday life. Like,
and I say that all the time, like, this is not
just about competition. It is you, you know,
if you develop these skills in competition, these
skills can transfer. To everyday life as well.
And, you know, what I think is interesting is
like, I don't know what it is about competition
where like we can choose to take these experiences
and have them divide us. But what we really should
be like is we should understand like we're all
going through the same thing. Like we're all
at this trial. We're all nervous. We all have
goals. We've all worked hard. We're all trying
to achieve something. And sometimes we do. But
more often than not, we don't. And we're all
in that boat together. And we should be like
that. That's what I find fascinating. That should
make us all like feel like we have a commonality.
Right. Instead of it creating this like. division
like this weird thing where it creates separation
you know like like when other like if your run
didn't go as planned like I have empathy for
that because like I understand what that feels
like right And rather, like, I think when people
struggle, they kind of go, oh God, they don't
even want to talk about it. Or they want to talk
about it ad nauseum in a like, like, oh my God,
this is a terrible thing. Instead of just like,
hey, let's discuss it. Maybe like we can come
up with a plan. Maybe we can help each other.
Or if nothing else, dude, I get it. it sucks.
It's fucking hard. Like, I know how much you've
been working on this. It's still not working.
I know how frustrating this is. Like, that's
how we should be. Or Oh, my God, that was so
nice. And yes, maybe that means you're gonna
beat me. So what like you, I have mad respect.
Like, I even if I don't like the person as an
individual, like, I understand. how much work
yeah went into achieving that performance that
you just put in like good for you like good job
you know nice nice run yeah that's how we should
be with one another like we should have respect
for that like I see that it just makes me it's
so depressing to me This is what depresses me
more than anything. When I see people in top
sports, like, and believe me, I understand they
are under an enormous amount of pressure, all
like magnified a thousand times negativity, et
cetera. But when I see two competitors after
it's over, like have mad respect for each other,
I love that. I like, I love that. And then I
always feel so sad because I'm like, Why don't
we have this in our sport? I don't either. I
don't either. Like, literally, you know, just
being in the ring and, like, when they, if I
place in a class, like, I don't care who it is.
Like, that part, I'm heartfully, like, feeling.
total admiration and respect and happy for the
person, people who are winning or getting ribbons
or even qualified. Like I look and I notice who's
in the ring. Like I see people in the ring where
like, I know they've been struggling. They've
been failing, you know, and queuing like time
and time again, they keep showing up and I look
in the ring and they're standing there because.
They qualified. Like, I love that. I make sure
I tell them, like, I'm so happy for you. Whether
you're, you know, it doesn't matter who it is
standing next to me. Like, I, you're right. Like,
it is a hard sport. Like, why can't it be like
that? Like, I don't understand it. All sports
are hard. I mean, God, I remember agility. You
think the Q rates bad in obedience? Holy Hannah.
it was it's the most frustrating sport on the
planet but like yeah I think again I think a
big part of it is that misconception that's magnified
ten a thousand fold by social media right where
it appears as if everybody's winning it appears
as if yeah right um doing well all the time it
appears as if you know nobody ever struggles
And I feel like even when I put struggles out
there, people like dismiss that, like they don't
really hear it or see it or take it in, right?
Like all they take in, like to me, I think you
should be more interested in the fact. that I
fail and that I struggle and not gloss over that
and go, yeah, but you win all the time and go,
Oh, okay. Like I get it. Like that's part of
the process, but it's almost like people don't
even want to like hear that or acknowledge that.
Like they have this weird thing where they create
this fantasy, even with, you know, great athlete,
like, um, Like this tennis player. I love him.
I follow him. And just, I love him anyway, because
he's got like this great attitude, right? Like
he's got this great attitude. And so there was
this tournament just this past weekend or whatever
and quarterfinals or whatever. And he loses and
they're like giant upset. I'm like upset, dude.
Like these tennis players, first of all, when
they do a tournament, they play all week long.
Sometimes they're playing for two weeks. Like,
cause it's like, you know, you start with hundreds
of people and then you like, you, you keep, you,
you win. And then you go to the next round and
then you go to the next round. Then you go to
the next. It's freaking insane. Right. The guy's
already won a bazillion. He's like really young.
He's like. I think the youngest player to win
all four. Like he's already accomplished insane
things and he's already accomplished great things
this year. And it's only March. And they're like,
and right away, it's like big upset, big upset.
It's like, it's impossible to be that good all
the time. It's impossible. But that's how people
couch it. Like, they're not like, oh, all right.
Well, he had a great run. this guy beat him it's
how it goes you know he's still great right but
it's like oh it's always presented as like this
big upset he lost like oh my god he got upset
what happened what do you think's wrong what
do you think went wrong what do you think happened
That's how our society is. It's so fucked up.
It is annoying. It is, you know, and then you
need to, as that competitor, be able to go with
your team and go and reframe all that. Right.
I'm not a loser. My tennis isn't terrible. Like
I just didn't, you know, this guy on this day,
this guy beat me. Like everybody's really good
at that level. Like, right. So yeah, like it's
in every sport, it's in everything in life, it's
in work, it's in everything. And we just have
to like really shift things. And say there's
fantasy and there's reality. True. That's true.
Yeah. This was good. All right. Everybody process
goals. Live in reality. Don't live in fantasy.
That's right. Be nice. Be nice. Don't sit there
and gossip about somebody's arm position. Oh,
God. If you feel the need to say something, it's
always born out of jealousy. And then we need
to examine that because we all have that tendency.
We all have that in us. Yeah. And I feel it in
myself. Times I feel jealousy. Like I feel when
I want to like critique something. I go, wait
a minute. Why are you doing that? And I'm like,
oh, you're jealous. Why are you jealous? Let
me examine that. And let me work on that. And
that's what we should constantly be doing. Examining,
working, examining, working, examining, working
on ourselves to try and be better humans. Better
humans. Be a better human. I'm still in process.
Me too. Work in progress. That's right. Bye,
everybody. Thanks for listening. Thank you. Bye.
See you next time. Bye.