Petra (00:10)
Hi everybody, welcome to the canine connection podcast today we are going to be talking about training either in an area where people don't train the way you train or maybe you want to train a certain way and you're trying to go to a class or you're trying to go to a school or to a match or a show and go.

and maybe you feel like a little bit like an outsider or a little uncomfortable because you're doing things differently than other people.

Laurie (00:47)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Petra (00:48)
So I think the biggest challenge with that is just this human desire to be part, to not be different, right? To not stand out, ⁓ to not have people go like,

Laurie (01:02)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Petra (01:11)
What is she doing over there?

Laurie (01:14)
You know,

I'm going to talk about when I first started teaching because this is a great example. It's a little different than like training with others, but it's a good example of kind of what it can feel like and what can happen. to make a long story short, I belong to an obedience club and the person who was teaching the competition obedience classes got COVID.

And they could not, they had a really hard time with COVID and they were not able to return to teaching. So they needed an instructor. So they asked me. And at that point, I literally had, I hadn't been doing this long enough where I could really say I could really teach, but I was like, sure, I'll help the club out. Why not do the best I can. So at that time,

I had been taking all of Petra's webinars. I had been doing all her webinars and workshops and training her methods. so I go and I start these classes and literally they're all students who had like, you know, these, these club members had been club members for like the 60 years out of their 70 year lives. ⁓

You know, and they all have been training this one method. There's one way that old school, you know, the dog must be obedient, no food, no toy, no games. And here I am. Let's teach him how to bounce and let's play games. And literally like, it was a struggle. they all, like it was like that picture of standing in the room, talking to a group of people and they all just stared at me back.

Like it was the most uncomfortable thing and it really was hard and it made me doubt myself. Like, my God, maybe I'm maybe my methods aren't the right way, know, right methods. Like it was really, really hard. Like I was put in a position where I literally trained polar opposite from everybody else who were coming to these classes and it, it was really difficult, really difficult.

Petra (03:23)
So

it would have been obviously easier if you were like, all right, nevermind, they don't get it. I'm just gonna train, I'll just do it the way they always did it. So what made you not do that?

Laurie (03:31)
I'll just do it. Yeah.

Because I really, because I did not agree with their methods. Like I truly, my training philosophy had been built around all the things that you had taught me. I really trusted that. I really believed in that. I saw the results in my own dog and I didn't agree with how they were training their dogs. And it was really hard to watch and like they would argue with me and.

It was just a conflict of training method and I was not going to break and and I wasn't gonna like, like fall, you know what mean?

Petra (04:09)
Yeah, so that's

a super important point and that's why I asked, not because I knew the answer but I suspected. Is like the reason we, if you're going to make the choice to do it differently, right, it has to be because it's something that is important to you, the individual, right? And if it's important to you and you really believe in it for you, right? Like, hey,

For somebody else, that other method may be just fine. But if for me or for you or for a listener that says, this is the way I want to do it, then the reason you're going to have the courage to do it differently is because it's really meaningful to you, right? Like you really want to do it, right? Like for me,

Laurie (04:40)
Right.

Petra (05:03)
I wanna have fun when I train my dog. Like, I want to have a good time. So if I'm training around people and they have a different training philosophy and a different mindset, and they're all training a different way, and it's very serious and, know, I'm still gonna do it my way. Cause at the end of the day, it's my personal choice. It's more important to me.

Laurie (05:04)
Right.

Petra (05:26)
to enjoy what I'm doing, or it's more important to me to build this relationship, right? So I think A, you have to say to yourself, like, how important is this to me? Because if it is important enough, then that's what's going to give you the ability to stay the course, right? I think the second piece that you touched upon that

Laurie (05:46)
Right?

Petra (05:52)
I have felt over and over a million times because I'm kind of an island, is that doubt. Every person has self-doubt, right? Like we all have self-doubt. So when everyone else is doing it one way and you're doing it a different way, you're like, of course, there's gonna be that little devil on your shoulder going.

Laurie (05:59)
Mm-hmm.

Petra (06:15)
Hmm, you're gonna look really stupid. If this doesn't work, Like, cause you know they're all sitting over there with their hands over their mouth going, what is she doing now? Like, why does she not realize her dog's crooked? All right. I told her it was crooked and she said it, she didn't care. What's wrong with her? Right? I know. So.

Laurie (06:18)
Yeah.

Yep.

Mm-hmm.

Petra (06:41)
and you have that self doubt and then you go to a trial and maybe things don't go to so well and you're like, boy, should I be doing it the other way? And then you have to have that ability and this is what I do. I'm not saying it's gonna work for everybody is I just sit myself down, self, what is important to you and what makes you happy? Like I do that assessment.

Laurie (06:49)
Right.

Petra (07:06)
with every aspect of my life all the time. I have for a really long time. Because if I'm doing it in a certain way and one day get up and I'm like, I don't like this, then I am going to change it. Right? Cause I'm going to follow my inner compass in terms of what makes me happy, what brings me joy and what I personally feel is right.

Laurie (07:09)
same. Yeah.

Right.

Yeah.

Petra (07:32)
for me and for my dogs or for my life, right?

Laurie (07:35)
And

that's a really important thing to really hone in on and practice and remind yourself all the time, right? Because it is hard. It's hard. There's a threat there. When I was doing it, there was always this threat of, my God, nobody's gonna continue taking classes. And I finally just said to myself,

So fucking what? Like if you don't agree, if you don't, if you're not willing to try to see my method, try my method, if you're so against it, then don't take my class. Like that's what I had to do eventually. I had to say that to myself. Like it is okay. Because eventually you're going to have people who agree or want to try your method, right? I wasn't going to let that.

Petra (08:24)
Bye!

Laurie (08:25)
that isolate, that threat of being isolated deter me off my, my, my inner compass, because that's always a threat there for sure.

Petra (08:35)
Right, and you also have to like sometimes you have to kind of step back and again like objectively look at data, right? Like so of course every team including you know us like our dogs fail like we go they flunk right like that's just part it's inherent in the sport there's no escaping it right and then it happens in every sport right like things just go awry.

Does that one failure mean that your whole method is like should be thrown out the window? Not necessarily Maybe maybe not right? So ⁓ So what you need to do is again, I talk about this all the time is don't be emotional Look at the data right like am I making progress? Am I heading in the right direction? And am I enjoying my training? Is this how I want to work with my dog?

Laurie (09:10)
Right.

Mm-hmm.

Petra (09:29)
⁓ or not and then you know you Like I tell people sometimes so this is so interesting because our mindsets always go to the negative, right? And so my students because my students struggle with this a lot. They're all over the country and you know There just aren't a lot of options in terms of training the way we train a lot of times, right? so they'll struggle with

Laurie (09:50)
Yeah, right,

Petra (09:55)
that whole, gosh, know, or people say this to me, people say that to me. Now what I found interesting, and they're always thinking of it like in a negative, but recently a couple of people went up to one of my students that she did not know and said, you know, I've been watching you and watching you and like, I didn't understand what you were doing at first, but now I see that like it's really working and

Laurie (10:11)
Thanks

Petra (10:24)
⁓ I'm motivated to try and do it differently. So like instead of us thinking that, we're sticking out and that's a bad thing. How about maybe, yeah, you're sticking out, but it's not necessarily bad. Maybe you're gonna inspire one or two or three people to go down your path. And then who knows, maybe, maybe.

Laurie (10:33)
Mm-hmm.

Right.

Petra (10:50)
I said to her, don't you see if one of them wants to train with you? Because now you'll have a training partner that's like-minded, right? Like I've had to kind of go outside the box to find sometimes to find people to train with, right? Because I like to train a certain way. I've also trained with people that don't train the way I train and I just do it.

Laurie (10:53)
Right.

Mm-hmm.

Petra (11:15)
my way, right? And I like, I told you, I took a class because I really felt for Zesty. I don't call him a pandemic puppy, but I got him during the pandemic, which meant normally I'm traveling and competing and training all over the place. So I get a puppy, my puppy just comes right along, right? Day one, it's everywhere.

Laurie (11:16)
Right.

Petra (11:39)
Well, he wasn't because there were no shows. There was nowhere to go. Did I, know, so he struggled around like dogs and people. So I needed a class. So I went to a class, the instructor is super gracious was like, yep, you can come. She knew I was going to do, do me. And she let me do me and she worked with me doing me. Right. Um, and

Laurie (11:42)
Yeah.

Petra (12:05)
That's just what I did, right? Like I stuck to my guns. It's not even sticking to my guns. I just did it the way I wanna do it because that's just what I wanna do, right? And so I think that if we keep doing that kind of internal check and say, are we doing what makes us happy?

Laurie (12:27)
Right.

Yeah. I think that's important. think also we need to just, you don't owe anybody an explanation on how you train. Like this is a big thing too, cause you're going to have, like I, I have found from the get-go from starting this sport, everybody likes to share their piece of advice and their wisdom on dog training. You are going to get like,

free advice from everybody and you're going to be questioned on your methods and especially people who may have been doing it longer than you right and it's really hard because you they will come right out and why do do it that way? Aren't you afraid that that's gonna do happen in the rent? You know, you're gonna get all that stuff and

Petra (13:14)
no.

Laurie (13:16)
You like you need to check yourself because I used to be like, well, this is why I am too. And then I'm like, fuck that. Like, why do I don't even have to explain that to you? Like, there's a component there. Like, you don't you don't owe it to anybody. Like at the end of the day, you're training your dog like it's not affecting anybody else around you. So just keep that in mind. You know, you can just be polite and just tell them.

Petra (13:39)
I think it's.

Laurie (13:42)
This is how I'm training my dog. You train your dog, I'm gonna train my dog. You stay in your lane, I'm staying in my lane.

Petra (13:48)
Yeah, or they get upset like they'll come out of the ring and then people rush in to give advice and they're like They'll say to me. They don't even know anything. I said look They're just trying to be helpful So just go thank you very much i'll think about that And then you can think about it because who knows maybe there is a little pearl of wisdom in there Maybe there's not you know what I mean, but don't take it like it's a criticism or take it like it's You know, I mean

Laurie (13:53)
Yeah.

Yes.

Yep. Yep.

Petra (14:18)
I- ⁓

Laurie (14:19)
But there are

going to be times where people do come in and they're like, you know, of course they're like the trainer of the year and they're gonna fix your dog and they're gonna wanna know why the heck you're doing that. Like, so that's where I'm going. Like don't feel that pressure. Cause I had that, I had that a lot. Like when I used to train at that club, like nobody trained the way I did. And I would get that all the time, you know, like why would you?

Petra (14:22)
And there will, yes.

Laurie (14:46)
Why are you saying yes and allowing them to drop their dumbbell? Like you're going to get that in the ring and you're throwing a cookie across the floor. I think you're done. Like I would get it all the time and I would sit there and be like, well, well, this is why. And then finally one day I'm like, why am I explaining this to people? Like,

Petra (15:05)
Well, if they don't wanna know, right? Like if they really

wanna know, sure. But if they really don't wanna know, yeah, I don't even, well, luckily at this point, nobody asked me. They just think I'm a whack job, which is fine. I like being that. But my students, yeah, they'll get, well, they'll get that, right? And then I'm like, you just have to have faith. You just have to trust me because,

Laurie (15:28)
Right. Yeah. Get

to your guns.

Petra (15:30)
Like I

get it that it seems like, you know, and I have a tendency to have people put a lot of drive in their dog because I'm like, we can always take it out. It's a lot harder to put it in later. And then they'll be like, my dog vocalized. And, you know, people are like, God, they're telling me it's going to be, I'm like, it's just here's what you do. Just do this. Don't panic. Right. And I think that's scary too, because they don't have all the answers yet.

Laurie (15:58)
Right.

Petra (15:58)
Right?

Like they haven't gone through the whole process. If you're newer, it's a lot harder because you haven't gone through the whole process. Like I've been through the process with several dogs, but you know, every dog is different and I'll get the next dog and I'll go, my God, I know nothing. Not none of the old stuff. You know, none of that stuff I did with dog X and Y is working with this dog and God, like,

Laurie (16:02)
Right, right.

Right.

Petra (16:26)
Here we go again with all the self doubt, you know. So I think if we recognize what's happening, that's helpful. So if we recognize that we have self doubt, then we can work on that. If we recognize that we have a little bit of fear, cause like what if this doesn't work out, then we can recognize that, right? If we are aware that, well, we

Laurie (16:38)
Yeah. Yeah.

Petra (16:53)
we're self-conscious and we would rather not be different, but it is more important to me to do it a certain way than it is important to me to fit in, then that's good information. Cause now you can use that to help yourself, right? Like to talk yourself off the ledge.

Laurie (17:12)
Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, definitely.

Petra (17:16)
I think too like, I don't know, we just get like so caught up sometimes in like drama or in...

Like again, like, I don't know, it's that whole step away, right? Like sit there by yourself, step away. I had this thing where I've had a lot of examples, but I'll give you one. So I was doing field training and we think our sport is brutal. Woo, that's a rough sport, unless you're...

Laurie (17:43)
and

Petra (17:47)
of a, I'm not gonna go there, but if you're a woman, it's a very rough sport. So, I had a dog who's pretty talented, is doing extremely well, and it got horrifically ugly. And it was so bad that I was like miserable all the time. And I got up one day and I was like, what?

What am I doing? Like this is how I'm spending my free time. I'm getting up so early on the weekend that we can start training at dawn and train till dark and I'm traveling all over and I'm running home from work and training at night. like, and it is miserable. Like because these people are being so miserable and unkind. What am I doing?

Laurie (18:34)
miserable.

Petra (18:38)
And I called up my training partner. I'm like, can't thank you enough. Like, you know, couldn't have done it without you. Nothing against you. I can't anymore. I can't, I can't take it. I can't take the bullying and blah, blah, whatever. And I was out. That's it. I never looked back, right? Because I was like, what, this is not how I want to spend my free time.

Laurie (18:53)
Yeah.

My time,

yeah.

Petra (19:05)
So I think that's a really, really important piece is people get, and it's not just with dog training, it's everything in life. They get caught up with like have to, should, you know, people will think, what about that? Well, I'm obligated to, are you really? Like, are you really? Cause I don't know, man. If I told you, had a year to live.

Laurie (19:13)
Yes. Yep.

Yep. Yep.

Thank ⁓

Well, that...

Well, that's where I was gonna go. That's where I, that's where I always try to put it in perspective. Cause I'm just like, you know what? Like I, I always say, I always joke around. like, you know what? Next week I could be hit by a truck. Like this could be it. Like, am I really gonna spend my days, my numbered days? Cause we're all numbered at some degree putting up with that crap. Like that's where I'm always like, that's my barometer in life about everything. I'm always assessing that.

Petra (19:32)
Would you be doing that?

Mm-hmm.

Laurie (20:00)
And I'm, I am just at the like that age where now it's like, my time is so valuable. And I'm always assessing that like if it's like if it's costing me peace or whatever, then to me, it's too expensive. It's out. See ya.

Petra (20:18)
Too expensive, way too expensive. Yeah, we have to make these choices, right? it's interesting to me how people really have a hard time making those choices. like, find, I think it's just, you I had a lot of experiences when I was younger and even in my like 20s where, you know,

Laurie (20:29)
Yeah.

Petra (20:39)
bad, really bad things were right in front of my face, which is good, right? In the sense that it makes you very aware of like the fact that things can be disappear in the blink of an eye, like when it's right in front of your face. And I've developed a practice for a very long time now where I will, and this is going to sound a little morbid, but it's really not.

Laurie (20:53)
Right.

Yeah.

Petra (21:06)
where I will like, if I see something posted somewhere or a news thing or something, and it's about a tragedy, I actually will take some time and really like absorb that and empathize with that. Because that's when you realize like how fortunate you really are and what's really important. Because if we don't do that, years go by where we're caught up in silly,

Laurie (21:19)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Petra (21:32)
like unimportant, crazy drama, you doing things that we don't even want to be doing, not saying no when like, and it just really gives you a really good perspective and you need, and if we're not working on perspective constantly, we can lose it in the blink of an eye. All you have to do is jump on social media and your perspective is out the window, you know,

Laurie (21:42)
Yeah.

Yeah, totally warped,

totally warped.

Petra (21:59)
Totally

warped and if you don't make this conscious effort and decision to constantly Re-evaluate and maintain perspective and over in my lifetime You know, I've made but I've often taken a very Challenging path on purpose because in the end I knew it would make me happier, you know

Laurie (22:24)
Exactly.

Petra (22:24)
And I think the only thing that's changed as I've gotten older is just these decisions are so much easier. Like I don't even have to like do any mental gymnastics. It's just like, it's just like, yeah, no, no. I don't even have to think about it. I'm like, no, I don't wanna do that. No. Like, and move on to the next thing. Nope, don't wanna do that. ⁓ yeah, okay, I wanna do that. Like, because...

Laurie (22:36)
Right. Yep. Yep.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Petra (22:49)
Yeah, that decision just gets easier and easier, you know? But yeah, people just really get caught up in.

Laurie (22:56)
They do, they do. And I think it just, I think it, they just lose all sense of like reality of the situation and their perspective on.

it. Because like to me, like you, I practice that a lot. I just practice that a lot. Like I think because like my time is so valuable to me. We're so busy. You know what I mean? Like

Petra (23:24)
Well, when

you're really busy, everybody should be really busy because when you're really...

Laurie (23:28)
because the thing- yeah!

that's what it is! holy shit!

Petra (23:33)
Because when you're really busy, your time is very valuable and you will not be doing things you don't want to do, right? Like at all. And it's not because I'm being selfish. It's because my time is like, you know, it's like there are so many things that I'm allocating and they're not all for me. Like, yeah, like I work a lot.

Laurie (23:41)
Yeah!

Petra (23:56)
But I like, I love what I do because I created that, like I positioned myself to be in opportunities where I love what I do, right? So, but it's still work. You know, I still do things for free to try and help people out, like a blog or this podcast or whatever, right? So we're giving back as well. But then when they're whatever, you know, we put in,

Laurie (24:06)
Right.

Yeah.

Petra (24:24)
in there, it is not wrong to choose things that bring us joy or that we like to do and not do something just because, well, everybody goes there or, well, I want to do it this way, but everybody else is doing it that way. So I guess I'll do it that way, even if when I leave, I don't feel good about it or I'm not happy about it.

Laurie (24:31)
you

Or there's gonna be like a shit storm because you leave or because you might be doing something different or like that to me, like that's where you need to assess. what's more important? Or what's more important? Like my peace and happiness and knowing that I'm going in a direction that's gonna bring me more joy and I'm gonna be doing something that I...

I want to do or the cost of having to put up with the consequences of the change I might be making. That's an assessment you need to sit there and make.

Petra (25:28)
think the other thing people should be aware of is like, you're not the only one doing it, right? Like you're not the only one operating maybe in a vacuum or doing it a different way. Like there are other people, there have been people before me that made the decision to go in a different path, right? And so, and there are still people.

Every day choosing different paths. Maybe you just don't hear about it maybe you're not focused on that because you're so busy focusing on like, God, God, everybody's looking at me. I don't know. I don't want them to look at me. You know what? There are other people out there doing the same thing. You just haven't found them yet or you're just not, you know, when you see those stories, you're not like latching onto them, right?

Laurie (26:08)
Mm-hmm.

Right.

Petra (26:18)
⁓ And you should like that. That's those are the that's the information you should be looking for like on when you're on the internet or social media or whatever is like look at the people that are like, you know, I'm going down this road. I know it's a weird road. I know maybe it's different. It's not the most popular road, but and it's, you know, going to be really scary and I don't know.

Laurie (26:36)
different.

Petra (26:45)
if it's even gonna work out. But my heart, my inner compass is telling me that's really the way I wanna go. And there are a lot of people that have had courage, enough courage to jump in and take the chance and they'll tell you, most of them will tell you that it was worth it and that it worked out.

Laurie (26:54)
Yeah.

Yep.

Yep. Especially if your gut, we talk about this a lot, your gut says it, then it's true. Follow your gut for sure.

Petra (27:12)
Mm-hmm.

It's

always right. Like, God, and why don't we listen? We're so dumb. Like, we're so dumb. Like, the cat, when I think about all the times when my gut was like screaming, screaming, like I was ready to puke and I went and did it anyway, like an idiot. Like, what the hell? Like, why are we so dumb? Ugh.

Laurie (27:20)
Yeah.

Screaming!

So dumb.

So dumb.

Petra (27:46)
Now I

even feel a tweak in my stomach and I'm like, oh, not going down that road. Like, no, not going down that road. And then I'm like, I really want to kind of do that. I don't even say it out loud anymore because the first thing that's going to happen is everyone's going to tell me how it could go wrong. Why are you doing that? Do you think you should be doing so? I mean, I

Laurie (27:50)
No!

Yep.

Petra (28:12)
They don't even have to waste their breath. Like I know what they're gonna say. Here, let me write it down. I know what you're gonna say. I'll just write it down for you. Right? They're just gonna tell me all the ways it could go wrong. But I think the key is like, if you listen to your gut, even if you do it with something small, and then you're like, yeah, see, my gut was right. You know, I shouldn't have done that, or I should have done that. And then you do it again, and...

Laurie (28:15)
Yep, right. ⁓

Yeah. ⁓

Yep, it worked out.

Petra (28:39)
And you do, and then you start doing it more and more and you realize that even when you're doing something absolutely terrifying, because I've done some absolutely terrifying things like buy a business on my own, like buy an enormous prop. was like, you know, I was like terrified, like terrified, did it anyway. Right. Cause, and it was the best thing I ever did. So.

Laurie (28:46)
Okay.

It is, it's scary. Yeah.

Yup.

Yeah.

Petra (29:06)
It's always like that. If it's terrifying, might, you know, doesn't mean it's bad. If your gut's telling you that's the right thing, you know, you really should listen to your gut. And if you're not sure, you need to just drown out the noise. Do the thing we always tell you to do. Go for a hike, go for a walk, you know, sit outside if you're not in the Northeast, cause it's a little cold. Um,

Laurie (29:11)
Right.

Yep.

Yep,

the answer will come for sure.

Petra (29:34)
The answer will

come if you just stop thinking so hard and just listen to your heart and listen to your gut. It'll it will steer you in the right direction, but it's it's not easy. It's not easy, but you know.

Laurie (29:46)
always. It's not. No, it's not easy.

It's not.

Petra (29:51)
It's worth it. We're happy. We have fun. Our lives are good.

Laurie (29:53)
Definitely. Yeah, we do.

It's true. It's true.

Petra (29:58)
I'm happy.

I have a good life. I tell people all the time. I'm good.

Laurie (30:01)
Yeah, that's

how I feel too. Because I'm picky about what's in my life for sure. You should be. You should be picky about what's going on in your life, including dog training stuff.

Petra (30:13)
That's right, be picky and stick, listen to your gut and be aware that doubting yourself is part of the process. It's normal. You just have to override it. Being self-conscious, it's part of the process. You have to override it. Doubting yourself is part of the process. You have to override it. And even if it feels like you're alone or you're the only one doing it or you're

Laurie (30:14)
Yep. Be picky.

Yep.

Yeah.

Yep.

Petra (30:41)
Nope, there's other people out there. They're just we're just in the minority and You know, I don't know maybe because we're so busy. We're not as vocal about

Laurie (30:45)
Yep.

Right. my gosh.

So true. Get busy. Yes.

Petra (30:57)
And get busy, get busy, be busy.

It makes you focus on what's important.

Laurie (31:04)
Yes, and careful about what you're using your time for.

Petra (31:08)
That's right, your time is very, very, very valuable.

Laurie (31:12)
Yeah. All right. Hope that was helpful.

Petra (31:14)
Okay guys, thanks for listening and happy training and we'll see ya. Well, we won't see you. You'll hear us next time. Bye.

Laurie (31:21)
Yeah. All right. Thanks. Bye.