Hey guys and welcome back to the salt not sweetener
podcast. I am your host Danielle Townsend. I
hope y 'all are having a wonderful week I'm recording
this episode early I usually record it day of
and post it day of But I literally just posted
one Saturday and I'm feeling the Lord put it
on me to record this one tonight And I'm gonna
post it on Saturday I haven't y 'all know I have
not yet Had like a set day where I'm gonna post
like weekly on this day. I really post when lead
But I do think Saturdays are Gonna be they feel
kind of consistent. It feels like Saturdays are
kind of like the day So I just want to say be
sure to look for a new episode on Saturdays Okay,
make sure you check on Saturdays and then gives
you the whole week to listen to it. Unless the
Lord leads me otherwise, I'm gonna stay open
to that. But right now, y 'all, I think Saturdays
is a pretty good fit. Now the topic today, y
'all, is one that a lot more people deal with
than I think I like to allow myself to think
of. Like I don't know if this is gonna make sense
the way I word this y 'all, but sometimes we
experience something or go through it and we
forget that other people also experience or go
through something similar and can relate and
can benefit from our testimonies. And there's
one I have to share with y 'all today and that
is on conditional love and people pleasing and
fear and control and how God can break that bondage
off of you. Am someone who just to give y 'all
a little background that was what I knew growing
up. I Knew conditional love I knew and I think
you can tell based off of just how sideways I
went in my life I I think it was pretty obvious
that I didn't know what unconditional love was
I was used to These are your expectations and
if you meet these expectations, you'll get congratulated.
You'll get loved if you don't meet them You'll
be made to feel like failure. You'll be made
to feel like a disappointment You'll be making
to feel like crap and let me say that like not
all of them were like realistic expectations
and not all of them were like normal like there
were some things that I would get like degraded
and berated for that like even adults around
me that would hear about it would be like that
makes no sense like Why would someone be upset
at you for that? Or why would someone react in
that way? I never really had a map. It was like,
I felt like I could generally gauge, okay, this
person will be happy if I do this and this person
will be unhappy if I do that. But there were
some times when I would do things I would think
are perfectly fine and like a person would like
flip their top. So it was like a weird... I knew
conditional love, but I also knew just walking
on eggshells in general. I, as a child, y 'all,
developed this mentality of, with certain people,
I only speak when spoken to and give very vague
answers to limit reactions. I had learned. There
were some people in my life. I had learned when
I give them detailed answers There's always some
kind of reaction and there's always something
So I'm just gonna give them very bland answers
I'm gonna yes or no if possible and I'm going
to eliminate I'm not gonna start any conversations
if they start conversations with me Be very bland
because if I'm uninteresting, they won't continue
the conversations learned that as like a child
y 'all can hear my cat in the background using
his little scratcher but just to give you a little
background that was my level of conditional like
I knew it hardcore that was ingrained in me and
there was a lot of fear That came out of it and
it was weird how I responded to that because
I would be very fearful with those people But
it was like I would try to overly compensate
around other people that I didn't have as much
fear of right like people my age Um, so once
I was like at school or around people my age
the second I felt like someone was disrespectful
The second I felt like someone was trying me
the second I felt like anyone was Any type I
would lay the ground I would lay it out right
there of like you don't test me. You don't try
me There were a lot of people who were intimidated
by little 5 '2 me. I used to joke like I never
had this swing I never had to do anything but
there were some people who were fearful just
based off of my words and I don't see that as
a brag now but I did then and that was a coping
mechanism for a lot of different things I talked
about too that was my way to stop being bullied
when I felt like people were bullying me I learned
if I was meaner to them they would stop like
they would they would go for me and I would go
lower. I would go to a point where they didn't
want to come at me again. And that was the mentality
I moved through through life. But I found I overcompensated
that with people that I felt like I could stand
my ground with. Because there were certain people
in my life that I felt like I couldn't stand
my ground with, right? And the interesting thing,
I got the idea from this topic from watching
Leo Skeppy's podcast. I don't know if y 'all
know about Leo Skeppy. I didn't know who he was
until like I started seeing these videos of him
picking up the Bible and I started watching his
podcasts and I have loved watching them because
when I tell y 'all that he reminds me so much
of me, it is crazy. I know a lot of y 'all know
the like loving Jesus Daniel where y 'all hear
me with like being you know trying to be loving
with my words and every the way Leo talks is
how I used to be talking to everybody that's
what like some of the things he says were you
know like I know people who um maybe have like
sensitive ears will flip their head around and
be like oh my gosh did he say that that was how
I was darling it's so when I watch him I feel
like I'm watching me Like I literally feel like
I'm watching me because I was the person I was
actually really known Y 'all in my friend group
and in my hometown growing up for saying the
most absurd stuff Like when someone and I don't
even know if I want to say absurd But it was
like I would say the truth no filter. What was
on my mind. I would say what was on my mind What
was going on was what was going on the second?
I felt like someone was being sketchy the felt
like a second felt like I was the one to I don't
care I'm gonna say it Like I Don't care. I'm
gonna say so when I watch Leo y 'all it feels
like literally no joke Amir like personality
wise and the things he talks about coming to
Jesus are things that I felt coming like to Jesus
like when he's trying to understand forgiveness
like when he's like I I remember that was when
the first one I watched when he was talking about
forgiving other people and he said he used to
navigate through life just one never want to
die and then he started feeling you know I don't
know if the word he used was guilt it's been
a while since I watched it but kind of like isn't
supposed to be wishing that on people anymore.
You know, like simple, it was just a lot of things
where it's like, man, I relate. Cause it's hard
to like, when someone hurt you, but then like
taking accountability for your part in it, you
know, and not a lot of people do that. And if
y 'all haven't looked at Leo Skeppy's podcast
of like, It is so interesting to watch and how
he's just he's reading scripture and the lord
is giving him revelation And you can see changes
that jesus is doing in him um based off of his
fruits I I feel like I have seen different fruits
in him. I feel like I have truly like when i'm
listening to him y 'all i'm like the holy spirit
is working in his life and he is Humbling himself
before god and receiving revelation and it reminds
me a lot of me y 'all because i've had a couple
people who are shocked now they they talk to
me now and they knew me my whole life and i went
through a little kind of thing similar when i
was giving my life to the lord y 'all For a couple
months when I was just in my car with my bible
in california The lord was pouring out fresh
revelation and conviction on me every day Another
thing that was interesting what leo said he goes
through which I went through y 'all Is like the
lord would give him revelation and then he would
have to take time to chew on it And implement
it and that was what the lord was doing with
me You know like in california. I remember I
would sit there for hours in my notes and be
typing up all these different things that the
Lord was revealing to me and speaking to me and
like I would be reading through scripture and
having a new understanding like when it comes
to forgiveness um when it comes to like walking
by faith like all these different things and
I would start having to think okay well how does
how is God calling me to implement that in my
life right now how is God calling me to implement
it how does this Affect me right now and I would
be taking notes on that for hours and then after
that would come a couple day period where the
Lord would be calling me to implement those things
and give me opportunities to practice them in
my life and it's just been so awesome to see
because I haven't heard anyone with like I It
felt like what I the way the Lord was working
in me was like I hadn't felt like I heard anyone
that related to it and I'm watching Leo I'm like
Lord I feel like what I'm seeing happen How you're
working with Leo and showing things with him
is like how you've worked in me, right? so it's
it's been so encouraging and I love watching
it and I'm so excited and It's just been awesome.
So I encourage you all to to watch and just listen
because he has some very thought -provoking things
to say that God has been speaking to him. But
he had a recent episode where he was talking
about how he's been experiencing unconditional
love from God that makes him uncomfortable because
there's no standards to meet. There is no bar.
There is no you do these things and you receive
love. And I was watching that and I was like,
man, it brought me back. Because I'm not perfect
and I'm still learning sometimes about how God
loves me and I still Have to be reminded that
God loves me because there are still days where
I feel unworthy of it But I remember how hard
it was for me. I remember when people were saying
God is your father. He unconditionally loves
you and it was hard for me because I had not
yet in my life had that example of an unconditional
love if I'm doing this because I love you and
even if you disobey me like I still love you
because let me tell y 'all I went against God
I disobeyed God most of my life and he still
loved me he was still ready for me to give my
life to him when I was knee -deep in my sin disobedience
I had been a Jonah And God still wanted me When
there were a lot of Christians who would already
condemn me to hell There were people in witchcraft
who thought God doesn't care about her. She's
ours Receiving unconditional love when you're
so used to conditional is the most uncomfortable
thing in the world Because you you really it's
you're so used to like if I do these steps. I'll
receive love I'll receive provision. I'll receive
these things and if I don't I won't and with
God it's not that way It's the milk and meat
right y 'all I'm finally and I've been in a meat
stage I was in a milk stage for a long time and
the milk is when you're just getting the basic
foundations of your faith and you know when I
was First getting my life to Jesus. I went through
where a lot of things are being broken off for
me and a lot of things I started looking at the
works I could do where it was like tithing giving
forgiving I was checking off all the works and
God let me do that for a while Because honestly
my life before then The works weren't very cute.
So the Lord was allowing me to establish good
habits Um, he was allowing me to look at my works
for a while and to break things off and break
them down and establishing new habits and those
habits started to lead to different mindsets,
right? But then when I started hanging the meat
face was when I started wrecking was when the
lord started speaking to me more about it's not
about works It's about your faith and i want
to be so clear that was never like my my Salvation
is bought by my works, but there is a part of
me that was like kind of like For a while looking
at my relationship with Jesus and equating it
to my works, right? And the Lord allowed me to
do that for a while like the Lord allowed me
to do that for a while because he saw the good
that could come out of it and what came out of
it was a lot of habits I used to entertain were
broken off and he brought up good routines He
brought up good practices in me and when when
I got to a point where I was secure in my faith
And when I was rooted and I wasn't really falling
away it was when the Lord started kind of pruning
me more of okay now is when I'm going to start
telling you that even if you don't do all these
works I'm still going to love you and it was
weird like I went through a period when the routines
and the habits I had started stepping into I
had to fall out of those for a little while and
I still saw blessing and I still saw provision
there was a time when I couldn't go to church
and I didn't go to church for like a four week
period straight and that was really rough for
me because I never missed church for nothing
and for four weeks I couldn't go and in those
four weeks you know I still was praying to the
Lord I was still seeking him I still I actually
started praying to him more and have more of
a relationship with him but the works of like
the going to church and the volunteering and
things like that kind of took a back seat And
what's crazy is I saw more revelation from the
Lord. I saw more blessing. I saw more pouring
out on me Then I can really remember Like in
that much of a period it felt like I had all
this growth and all this understanding and the
Lord was multiplying things and it was like You've
been doing all this learn all I've been doing
like I have been seeking you but I haven't I
felt like kind of low in some areas because I
was like, well, I'm supposed to serve and I haven't
been serving. I haven't been able to do the volunteering.
I was like, I haven't been showing up to the
community and worshiping and doing all these
things. And that's when the Lord's are breaking
down in me that he doesn't love me because I
do those things. I do those things because I
love him. I volunteer and I serve. because I
love the Lord and I see serving and volunteering
as a way to spread the gospel, as a way to serve
God, as a way to give back. I go to church as
my way to elevate Him and worship Him and spend
time with community. I go there because I know
it's good for me spiritually. But I saw that
even when those things fell off for a while,
God still loved me. There were a couple of sins
I fell back into and it was like... Immediately
after falling back into that sin Less than an
hour later. God was speaking life into me again
and telling me he loves me and he forgave me
and let's move on actually saw blessing and it
was like such a weird thing for me because I
was like God I'm I'm falling short in these areas
and you're still blessing me and you're still
loving me and like now It's easier for me to
accept But for the longest time it wasn't it
was so hard because that was not what I knew
That was the opposite of what I knew And it was
actually really frustrating for me when I first
gave my life to Jesus when people were like God
is a loving father He loves you remember. He's
your loving father, and I was saying there's
like it's easy It's easy for y 'all to say when
you know unconditional love you're speaking this
to me It feels like I'm listening to you speaking
me in Spanish because I don't know Spanish y
'all I'm like, I know to you this makes sense,
but to me it doesn't because this isn't what
I know. I know conditionality. I know you do
these things. You check this list. I'll be content
with you. And then I also know that once I check
that list, the bar is going to get raised. Now
you have to do these things and those things
are no longer good enough. I know constant increase
of, I want more from you, more from you. The
bar is here, the bar is here, the bar is here.
I know a never ending bar. And all of a sudden,
what was good enough yesterday is no longer good
enough and unsatisfactory. And let me tell y
'all, there's a testimony I shared on TikTok,
and this is gonna be helpful for someone to hear
of sometimes God delivers you by being in the
fire with you. it was not long after I gave my
life to the Lord that he started speaking to
me about forgiveness and I started working on
forgiving people and he started showing me that
there were people that I Hurt and even though
they hurt me I hurt them too and it wasn't just
and it wasn't right and There were a couple people
I felt led to and taking accountability to apologize
to and one of these people that I apologized
to they accepted my apology and Um, they had
saw that I was in a place where I didn't have
a lot of provision I didn't have a lot of things
and keep my I didn't go to this person expecting
anything. I just wanted to Y 'all know when you
feel a conviction something from god, you can't
shake it until you do it And like and I i'll
be so for I was hoping god would bless me in
my obedience At that time. I was really workspace.
So I was like maybe god is telling me to go and
apologize and he'll bless my apology And I went
in and I apologized and this person's found out
the position I was in and offered me help offered
me provision right there and I accepted but it
wasn't too long after this that I just a little
bit of background this person didn't know the
surrender to Christ Danielle and keep in mind
I was very fresh I was like a couple months in
so I was still I was a baby baby Christian like
I was really learning I may have been called
Christian as a child but this was me actually
I was very new in walking with the Lord I was
still learning like I'm still learning obviously
now but that was I was fresh and I was still
easily kind of shaken right because I didn't
have all this I knew who God was and I believe
but wasn't like strongly rooted yet and this
person what they had known from me was they had
known the fearful me they had known the we get
I give her provision and then she's gonna have
to obey me I do these things and she's gonna
have to obey me and if I don't I'll punish Like
that was kind of the mentality I feel like this
person kind of had with me, right? And it wasn't
too long until I think this person kind of felt
like I was under their thumb a bit, meaning they
would give me small nudges and guidance and I
would be quick to jump. They jump and I would
say, how high? And it wasn't long at all that
they gave me some instructions that to worldly
ears might sound okay. but to someone who knows
God's Word, these instructions went directly
against God's Word. Whereas like, yeah, these
are the exact opposite of what God says to do.
I could hold this to the Bible right now and
run in the other direction of, no, do not do
this. And I was kind of met with an ultimatum
of, if you don't do this, I, and this person
was very specific with it, I'm going to send
you right back to where you came from. Like I'm
gonna rip this provision away, and I don't care
what happens to you and I took it to God God
told me he would provide and I continue to put
my faith in God and got provided and it kind
of pacified this person for a while, but I was
taking things to God and I was like, God, please
remove me from the situation. This isn't healthy.
I don't want to be here. I can tell this person
is trying to control me. I can tell this person
isn't encouraging me to pursue a relationship
with you. I don't see why you have me here. This
feels like counterproductive. Like I knew there
when I was there that this person wasn't pushing
me closer to Jesus. I wasn't stupid. I think
I could see it like almost immediately where
I was like God I feel like if I'm here too long
This is gonna ruin my relationship with you.
I don't know if I can do this I'm not strong
enough to do this and that was I didn't know
it then but God was teaching me to rely on his
strength that it was his strength not mine and
That if my faith was in him, he could deliver
me from anything. I remember him leading me to
the story This is the scripture we're pulling
from today all of the three men in the fiery
furnace who refused to bow down and worship the
idol. And because they refused to bow down and
worship the idol, the king cast them into the
furnace. And when they were in that fiery furnace,
they weren't burned up, they weren't consumed,
but instead there were four men in that fire
and they were marching around in that fire. God
was with them in that fire. And that king saw
them Have them removed and when they came out
they weren't singed. They didn't look like they've
been through any fire They didn't look like they
had been through any mess Not King had to glorify
God Like glory be to their God And I felt the
Lord speaking to me in that moment that you have
had other deliverances where I've just removed
you from the situation where I've just made things
better, but instead I'm gonna be with you in
this fire." And I didn't know that that was actually
gonna turn into a long period. Y 'all, I was
in that situation for, was that, close to a year.
It was close to a year, y 'all. I would say,
I think it was like eight or nine months. It
wasn't an instant deliverance. And there were
times when I would think like, is this person
changing? Is this thing gonna shift? And then
I would say, no. Not exactly. And it was a wrestle
for me, right? Because this was an ingrained
fear I had had my whole life. I had known a fear
of this person, and I had known a obey because
I feared this person. But I now feared God more.
I not only feared God and had a reverence for
God, but I trusted God. Although his unconditional
love made me uncomfortable, When I was put in
a position of this person's conditional love
and God's unconditional love, I ran to God's
unconditional love. That was what I latched onto.
And actually being around that conditional love
kind of encouraged me to latch onto God more
and to trust in God more. Because as I progressed
through these periods, this person would give
me more guidance and more instruction of nudges
away from God. the worldly direction and again
a lot of things this person was saying to worldly
ears would make sense and would be good but when
I held them up to the Word of God a lot of these
it was clear this isn't what God told me to do
and some things that sounded like a toss -up
this doesn't sound too bad when I would take
it to God God would say that's not what I have
for you so I started to go through this process
of this person would kind of make it clear that
they want me to do specific things and I would
say, okay, I hear you. I would take it back to
God and when God would say no, I wouldn't move.
I wouldn't take that action. And I felt God make
it very clear to me like, hey, this person's
not going to understand because this person didn't
have their faith in God. I want to be so clear
with that, y 'all. This person actually had said
to me before, like, I don't understand the concept
of denying your flesh and denying yourself what
God would ask you to do that. This person didn't
understand my relationship with Jesus and the
Lord kind of made it clear to me because I had
asked multiple times like do I do I sit down
and try to explain these things and We know from
reading scripture that there are some people
who have a hardened heart God chooses whose hearts
are hardened like he will literally harden people's
hearts but God already knows people who are going
to continue to be hardened or softened and People
with hardened hearts have like a veil over their
eyes where they do not understand and they're
not going to be able to grasp it And the Lord
really revealed to me it was one of those situations
of like, I don't even want to say like a casting
your pearls before swine, but a thing of like,
they're not, it's not, they're not going to get
it. They don't know God like that. They don't
have the relationship with Jesus like that. And
you know, I would do my things to plant seeds.
And while I was there, the Lord would encourage
me to do that. But also while guarding my heart,
but. It started getting harder y 'all because
the control started getting tighter and Guilting
and it started getting come out from different
areas that I wasn't expecting Okay, it wasn't
just here. I was being hit at by I was being
hit by guilt and like emotional like it was all
these different areas but at the end of the day
I kept my faith in God and I remember I started
praying to the Lord because things started getting
really tense where like it felt like I couldn't
even have a conversation with this person it
felt like any moment things could pop off and
go down and I was like God I know this person
is unsatisfied and unhappy with me and you're
calling me to basically say no to everything
this person is doing and I so many times in prayer
said God this person one day is gonna get fed
up that I'm not submitting to them and they're
gonna cut my legs out from under me They're gonna
try to rip everything out from under me like
I know this person This is what they're gonna
do to me when they see that like I'm not obeying
all these other ways And The Lord it was like
it was a reassurance of like God will take care
of you like Every time I walked away and prayed,
it was like, even if that happens, God will provide.
Even if the worst thing happens, God will provide.
He will be with me in the fire. And I kept being
led back to that, to my deliverance is Him in
the fire with me. God didn't say I'm going to
spare you from this fire. Y 'all, as I was in
there, it was like the burner was getting turned
up higher. It was like throughout all that time
period, the more I obeyed Christ, the harder
it got. the hotter the temperature got y 'all
know how they actually like boil frogs as they
put them in lukewarm water and then they slowly
turn it up and by the time they're boiling they
don't even know they're boiling and i was like
i i felt like lord like that is what i'm in like
it's just getting harder and harder the more
obedience i'm like something's got to break eventually
something's got to break and eventually it did
um eventually this person um at this point i
had gotten really uncomfortable and this person
had basically made it really clear to me of like
hey look this is what i want you to do and you're
not doing it and any day now i'm going to take
all this provision away from you and whatever
happens to you happens to you and guys this is
me saying it in a kind way it wasn't said that
kindly to me um and i believed it I knew it to
be true. I didn't doubt it for one second. I
knew that to be true and I had already expected
that and I took it to God and Again, I just I
knew God would provide even if that happens God
will provide and I started seeing it this is
the opportunity for God to show up and for this
person to see God's protection and God's hand
over my life and You know, I was saying to God
I was like God this person knows that I don't
have backups like they've made it very clear
to me that they know they they're doing this
in the headspace of this is going to hurt me
like it feels like a punishment for not obeying
and you know they kind of worded it another way
they were like well i want you know kind of how
like a a mom bird pushes the baby out of the
nest to make him fly that was kind of like the
energy this person was kind of trying to paint
on it of like well I'm telling you to do these
things because I want you to better your life
like I want your life to be better and you're
not listening to that so I'm gonna rip up provision
from you and hopefully that'll encourage you
to do these things I'm telling you to do. It
was kind of the way it was painted to me but
the way I really kind of saw it was this person
doesn't like that I'm not listening and they're
giving and their love is conditional on me obeying.
right of me doing what they want me to do and
performing and if I don't do that no provision
and this person didn't care the position it would
put me in and I think if anything they wanted
to see me um in pain and suffering because it
would be like there's months after the provision
was ripped away that like they would ask me questions
of like what was going on in my life and like
what my circumstances were like it was like kind
of prodding questions where the way the things
that they would ask about it was like they were
expecting me to be in the lack and they're expecting
me to be down bad and when my answer would not
be that because it wasn't god was providing um
they wouldn't seem very happy about that they
they would seem surprised but not pleasantly
surprised you know so that was my kind of cue
of oh this person wanted me to be suffering.
Like, it kind of felt like this person wanted
to be the one who's like, I'm providing and taking
care, and if I'm not there, watch how quickly
she fails. And that wasn't what this person was
answered with. God provided for me. God made
a way. God made a way. And he has multiplied.
I'm honestly like, I feel a lot more secure in
my faith, and there's a lot more things God has
provided for me now, and helped me with, where
it's like, I understand why I had to go through
everything. But what was so interesting was by
the time that happened and that provision was
ripped out from under me that fear of that person
Was not what it was before being in that fiery
furnace as long as I was It kind of like desensitized
me but seeing how big my God is and seeing how
every weapon Everything that this person did
to me That they thought was gonna destroy me
that they thought was gonna hurt me. God made
away and Seeing how big my God is that for me
was like this is Why I trust God God showing
up. I wouldn't have seen God show up that way
if I wasn't put in a situation for him to show
up Y 'all know what I mean And maybe this is
speaking to your situation today, if there is
something you're in where you're not being instantly
delivered from, are you in a situation where
instead of God instantly delivering you, He's
in it with you. And He's allowing you to be in
this because He knows it's going to change you.
He's allowing you to experience a suffering because
the deliverance is going to increase your faith
in Him in ways that fear is no longer going to
be able to confine you or control you. That's
what God did with me. Got to I I had to accept
his unconditional love I had to I was I was in
this environment of conditional law and Fear
and all these things and I got to see how God's
unconditional love and my faith in him and obedience
to him Can and will conquer all of these things
it felt like a David and Goliath moment, right?
You know when David showed up to that fight,
it wasn't like he had all the equipment to take
out Goliath. It was God that took out Goliath
through David. That situation, y 'all, when that
person ripped everything out from under me, it
wasn't me that made everything work or made everything
happen or made it a safe landing space. It was
God. God stepped up. I walked in obedience. God
told me, obey me. You move when I tell you to
move and not a second further. It was my obedience
to God and he showed up and showed out And like
I was reflecting on that today of man God You
use that experience To break off this fear. This
was a yoke because I remember it was like about
a month before that happened when the warfare
was cranked up to an all -time high about a month
before you know that Provision was ripped out
and I was spending like 10 hours a day with the
Lord just walking in And I remember, like, I
remember writing down in my journal, and I was
actually reading about Jezebel. It was with Jezebel
and Ahab, right? And the revelation though that
the Lord had given to me was that, you know,
Jezebel was known as like the manipulator. She
was the one that was the manipulator, the witch,
the liar, the deceiver, the controller. Witchcraft
is a form of control, right? That's what witchcraft
is, is control. And what Ahab was, is Ahab was
complicit. Ahab didn't do anything to break Jezebel
off them. Ahab didn't stop Jezebel. Ahab didn't
say stop doing what you're doing. Ahab enabled
it and benefited off of it. And the Lord had
revealed to me that, There was a bondage on me
There is a yoke on me like there was a bondage
on a have and that right and this isn't me Victimizing
or making any excuses for a have because he had
every opportunity to stop Jezebel from doing
what she was doing, right? But he his bondage
was kind of under her control and her manipulation
and her influence, right? And I remember what
the Lord spoke to me in that time is that for
so long I have been in a bondage of control and
I was controlled by fear and this conditional
love and God was allowing me to be in that situation
so that way he could break it off of me that
when I was delivered from that I wasn't going
to be like that Ahab spirit anymore. I was not
going to be under That control I wasn't gonna
be under that fear of me going through this and
having to through God's strength and bond it
like Through God's strength stand up against
it that standing up against it and putting my
faith in God is what was gonna break that bondage
off of me It wasn't running away Because what
I asked God to do was deliver me from this Give
me the money to get away. Give me the provision
to get away and sure that would have made me
comfortable But I still would have feared that
person There still would have been that bondage
on me. I may have been away from that person,
but I still would have been bound And what God
was doing is although it was uncomfortable for
me to stay in that position God broke the bondage
off me. So it wasn't like I was just running
away and getting away unscathed I was being freed.
I want to say this y 'all there is a difference
between like Removing yourself and getting away
and being freed Where I want to be thoughtful
with the way I word this But I feel like what
God was showing me because now I've been around
that person and I've been around that person
where the fear don't hit like that And this person
honestly doesn't want to spend as much time with
me now that they see the fear doesn't hit like
that But I've had to be in situations again where
it was like the fear would try to grab onto me
the control The just trying to like influence
me and it wouldn't hit and it wouldn't stick
like it would in the past. I used to have a thing
of when this person would contact me, I would
get anxious and get scared, and now it doesn't
hit like that. Now I'm not saying it's perfect.
You know, I personally would rather not. Like,
but, amen. Like, God used this. And I just, I
pray that this is speaking to someone else's
situation. that your deliverance may be from
God being in that fire with you and you get out
of the fire and escape because y 'all that's
what happened to me is this person kind of threw
me into the furnace this person took the steps
thinking that i was gonna get ate up that i was
gonna get like i i don't ever curse and i don't
think this is a curse word I don't know. It's
not the most lady -like word, but when I was
praying on it to the Lord earlier, this was a
saying that kept coming to mind, that this person
thought they were going to leave me without a
pot to piss in. And that is a Midwestern saying.
And again, I don't know if that's a curse word.
I don't think it qualifies. I think that's like,
obviously not the most lady -like word. There
are other words. I think there's also a lot worse
words, right? But that was the state amen where
I I felt like the Lord was showing me like that
was what that person thought I was gonna be in
and That wasn't what I was in Actually what I
stepped into there were a lot of upgrades in
areas of my life And that was what they were
hearing about and they did not like hearing that
right Hearing that what they did Actually kind
of put me in a position for God to increase me
You know what ended up happening y 'all after
being broken off that bondage. I started the
podcast. I Started volunteering. I started doing
a lot of things and stepping into my calling
Amen. I started doing a lot of things that God
called me to do I didn't realize that I wasn't
gonna be able to do while I was still under the
fear and bondage of this person because God was
calling me to share testimonies and emboldening
me to do things that I, if I was still under
the fear of this person, wouldn't have done out
of fear. Would have said, no, not that one. Give
me something else, God. No, not that one. Or
I wouldn't have full sinned it. I would have
done like 50%. And I didn't see yet how important
it was that God broke that fear off me. And that
might not be the like fairy tale rainbow story
everyone wants to hear because I know a lot of
people want to hear, sunshine and rainbows, this
person saw the light and like gave their life
to Jesus. I'm still praying this person gives
their life to Jesus. That's not the point I'm
at right now. That's not the point the story
is at. I know a lot of people when they're thinking
deliverance, they're expecting that of like,
you know, this other person sees the light and
they all sing kumbaya. But unfortunately, sometimes
the deliverance is we see what happened with
the Egyptians when they continued to chase Moses
and the Israelites. God doesn't play about his
children. What this situation was for me is when
this person left me without any of these things,
thought they were leaving me without any of these
things, without a pot to pee in. That's another
word. God upgraded. God did exceedingly and abundantly.
And this spoke to God's protection. This spoke
to who God was and that when God is providing
something for you, it doesn't matter whether
or not other people pitch in or play along. okay
because i i felt like god really revealed this
to me this person could have gone the other direction
this person could have been helpful this person
could have also seen blessing from god this person
made their own decisions okay but this person
and doing this set up the opportunity to see
just how God will do exceedingly and abundantly.
And I'm someone who, and I know other people
are in this boat too, who maybe the Lord has
given you visions for some things, but there
are some things you're going to do in life. And
you may believe that a person is a part of that
vision. You may believe that this person in your
life, like God is going to use them and maybe
they're supposed to do this or they're supposed
to do that. And when that person doesn't do that
thing, you think, oh, well now God can't pull
through. That's not true and I want to tell you
today. That's not true Because when I was with
this person, I actually offer like when I was
around this person I actually for a while believed
that God brought me there to bring this person
to Jesus. I Thought for a while that I was there
to evangelize I thought I was there because God
had given me a desire to evangelize God had given
me a desire to create disciples God had given
me a desire to do these things Y 'all I want
to pause right now as I'm saying this y 'all
this video isn't going to be going up Saturday
I think this video is going up tonight as I'm
talking I'm not joking though. I felt like the
Lord was speaking to me that this is an immediate
upload So I guess you guys are getting episodes
early But do stay tuned for Saturday. I do still
plan on like regularly doing Saturdays. Amen
Okay, so y 'all are getting this episode on a
Monday the same Monday. It is okay anyway I believed
I was gonna deliver this person. I believed I
was going to evangelize this person. I believe
this person was gonna give their life to Jesus
while I was there. Like I believed all these
things. And the longer I was there, the clearer
it was this wasn't gonna happen. And actually,
y 'all, I wasn't able to start having the fear
broken off of me and moving forward until I started
accepting that this person might not ever accept
Jesus. Hope that's not the case and I still pray
to stay that's not the case But there's a part
of me that first had to accept there's a chance
this person might not come to Jesus and I have
to accept that because it's not me that changes
their heart. It's Jesus and if If they're not
changing for Jesus, they're definitely not going
to change for me And I had to be reminded of
my role of I plant seeds. I don't change hearts
God will use me to share testimony to spread
these things and then he will work on their hearts
It's not up to me to like bring them to Jesus.
It's not up to me to make sure that they put
their faith in God I can't do that people tried
that with me and they couldn't do it. So I definitely
can't do it with anybody else and Then after
that the Lord led me to accept if this person
does accept Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior There's
a good chance. I'm not gonna see it happen. There's
a good chance. It's gonna happen after I'm gone
away and they have someone else planting seeds.
God's giving them revelation another way. Maybe
in suffering, they turn to Jesus. The majority
of the time, y 'all, when we plant seeds, we
don't get to see the harvest. We don't get to
see. There have been some times when the Lord
has allowed me to see the harvest of seeds I've
planted, when people will say, hey, just so you
know, this is what happened. like there are people
who months later they're like hey i just want
you to know that thing you spoke to me like this
is what happened and there's there's one person
who sure may not longer that they've gotten baptized
and like it was awesome it was awesome but there
are other times when you're not going to hear
about it which is why you you take that step
of obedience and planting the seed not for yourself
and not to feel successful but simply because
god called you to do it and i had to accept that
of like this person does accept Jesus if they
do have transformations if they do have a perspective
change it very well is going to happen when I'm
not around to see it and then I had to accept
it's a very good chance this person is going
to really deeply hurt me before this happens
there's a good chance that if they do accept
Jesus before they do this person is going to
hurt me more and I'm going to have to forgive
them and love them because they're not picking
up a Bible The only way that they're seeing Jesus
is through my actions. I invited this person
to church. They didn't want to come to church.
I tried reading the Bible. They didn't want to
read the Bible. I tried showing them gospel music.
They didn't want to hear it. And the Lord revealed
to me that I am the Bible this person's reading.
This person knows I had an encounter with Jesus
Christ. They know because I told them about it.
I told them some of the miracles and they looked
at me skeptically, but they didn't reject it.
But they also didn't accept Jesus either, right?
The Lord really showed me that I ministered to
that person based off of how I lived my life.
And although maybe that person wasn't, we get
really caught up on like if whether or not someone
deserves our love, deserves our kindness, deserves
our forgiveness. The Lord, before he allowed
me to go through that, because let me tell y
'all that I could have easily reacted really
mean to this person. I could have flipped the
switch. I could have ghosted. I could have said
a lot of things. I could have done a lot of things.
I could have crashed out. But that was an opportunity
for me to respond with fruits of the spirit It
makes me think of the scripture where it was
and this is in the book of John you'll and I
encourage you to go look this up I'm quoting
off a memory but let your good works be seen
by others. So that way they may glorify your
father who is in heaven When we do good works
when we do good things that make no sense Like
when people are like, why are you being nice?
You shouldn't be being nice. Why are you serving?
You shouldn't be serving. Why are you loving?
You shouldn't be loving That's where they can
see no one but Jesus Like when it's a situation
where who could love someone after that who could
forgive who could react that way like where does
that come from? They're able to look at it and
see Jesus in it And the Lord really showed me
like you want this person to be saved. You want
this person to have their faith in Jesus? Well,
they're not picking up a Bible. They're not going
to church. They're not doing any of these things.
But what they are doing is they are watching
you and the way you respond. Now, they were watching
for me to fall. I want to be so clear. I think
a lot of is they were watching for something
to slip or for something to fall through. But
the Lord had been so consistent in me where he's
like, I'm not going to let them see inconsistent
in that they're going to see love. They're going
to see forgiveness. They're going to see patience.
It might not be perfect, but they're going to
see it. And it's going to make no sense. And
it's going to minister. And that's what I did.
That is what I did. And I took the high road
on a lot of things, in love, in kindness. I forgave,
you know, I went on to help this person when
they needed help with some things. They've seen
the love of Jesus and I know that's ministering
to them. I know it is. God has spoken to me,
I know it is. And maybe you're the person today
where you've been thinking, like, what does my
good works do? Like, what's the point of these
good works? What's the point of doing these good
things? I don't want to forgive that person.
I didn't want to forgive this person either.
I didn't want to do all these things either.
But I do want to see this person saved. I wish
everybody could be saved. I know that's not the
reality. But y 'all when I moved in there, I
thought I was gonna I thought I was when I moved
in that space I thought this person might be
being delivered. I Thought this person might
be giving their life to Jesus and they may still
But it wasn't that time and someone needs to
hear this today is you have to be open Whatever
situation you're in right now The outcome you
walked into expecting that might not be God's
plan and just because that's not God's plan doesn't
mean he can't still do something amazing with
it. I went into that situation thinking I was
going to see this Christian saved and delivered.
That wasn't what I saw, but it did increase.
Like by the time I walked out of there, I was
actually kind of ready to talk to people about
Jesus. It did prepare me a bit more for my calling.
And how we even got onto this topic y 'all was
saying that like, you know, sometimes when you
feel like God's plan is going to completely fall
through because someone doesn't comply with how
you think it's supposed to go down. I literally
thought when I was there that this person was
going to give their life to Jesus and all these
things, and then I was going to step in the ministry.
And when that wasn't what was happening with
that person, I started feeling lower of like,
did I hear God wrong? Am I ever going to be able
to step into ministry? Am I ever going to be
planting seeds for people? Like I felt like this
person not doing that was like a delay in blocking
it. And when this person threw me out, like rip
the provision out from under me all logically
that should have thrown a wrench in my plans
and created delays. Weeks later I started the
podcast. Weeks later I stepped into serving.
Weeks later it delayed nothing. It blocked nothing
and I feel like someone needs to hear that today
of like Even if someone tries to cut your legs
out from under you, even if someone tries to
throw the ring God has already planned for that
and their participation in helping you or lack
thereof Cannot stop the lay deny what God is
doing. I Thought realistically I would be from
months back And I was actually pushed forward.
It was like a slingshot. And I pray that this
speaks and gives you life today, y 'all. I pray
it does. And this isn't, I'm gonna be so real,
the easiest testimony for me to share. I know
it sounds like it, and I really think the Lord
is just giving me a boldness right now, and an
encouragement right now. Because even yesterday,
I probably wouldn't have had the boldness to
share this. Because as I said, this was a source
of fear for a long time. Even saying this. If
y 'all want someone to pray for, pray for me.
Pray for me that I continue to have this boldness
and the strength in sharing this, y 'all. Please,
please do. But I know that this is gonna be helpful
for someone. God has spoken to me before that
my testimonies are gonna be what helps to break
the bondage off of other people. There are other
people experiencing what I have experienced.
There are other people going through what I have
experienced. And I know that there are people
who, when I... Share this and glorify God because
remember y 'all it wasn't me doing like God gets
the glory in all this God is the factor in all
this And if you're worshiping God God can do
the same thing for you that he did for me Your
obedience to God will do the same thing. It wasn't
me that brought up provision or did any of these
things It wasn't even my own strength that turned
to God instead of that fear It was a strength
I received from God that he gave and he emboldened
me if he did for me. He will do it for you Because
I can tell y 'all right now. I'm not deserving
of it It's not that I was a good person or I
said special prayers I'm not deserving of any
of it But God did it because he loves me unconditionally
and not as the encouragement and sharing the
sale God did for me God can do it for you and
your situation may look a little bit different
I don't know what your situation looks like but
that bondage he can break it off of you, too.
Okay So it's not easy for me to share this but
I know that me sharing this is gonna be the encouragement
for someone else. It's gonna be the light bulb
moment for someone else. It's gonna be the thing
that causes them to put their faith in Jesus.
I have told you all before that there was a time
when God was calling me to have faith and I just
couldn't muster it up to have faith because there
was something I needed him to do, a financial
provision. I just didn't see how he could do
it. And he showed me the testimony of Jonathan
Rumi and how he sent Jonathan Rumi those checks.
And I literally had my faith increased based
off of hearing what he did for someone else.
And I know that is how God is using my testimony.
I do ask y 'all hit subscribe. We're gonna end
the polycast here today. I do ask that y 'all
like and subscribe wherever it is you're listening
to this podcast. Tune in and listen for the next
one. Bye guys.