WEBVTT 00:00:00.240 --> 00:00:05.400 Hey guys and welcome back to the salt not sweetener 00:00:05.400 --> 00:00:10.439 podcast. I am your host Danielle Townsend. I 00:00:10.439 --> 00:00:14.359 hope y 'all are having a wonderful week I'm recording 00:00:14.359 --> 00:00:17.820 this episode early I usually record it day of 00:00:17.820 --> 00:00:21.100 and post it day of But I literally just posted 00:00:21.100 --> 00:00:23.699 one Saturday and I'm feeling the Lord put it 00:00:23.699 --> 00:00:26.480 on me to record this one tonight And I'm gonna 00:00:26.480 --> 00:00:29.920 post it on Saturday I haven't y 'all know I have 00:00:29.920 --> 00:00:33.579 not yet Had like a set day where I'm gonna post 00:00:33.579 --> 00:00:38.659 like weekly on this day. I really post when lead 00:00:38.659 --> 00:00:44.859 But I do think Saturdays are Gonna be they feel 00:00:44.859 --> 00:00:47.100 kind of consistent. It feels like Saturdays are 00:00:47.100 --> 00:00:50.439 kind of like the day So I just want to say be 00:00:50.439 --> 00:00:54.240 sure to look for a new episode on Saturdays Okay, 00:00:54.240 --> 00:00:56.820 make sure you check on Saturdays and then gives 00:00:56.820 --> 00:01:00.579 you the whole week to listen to it. Unless the 00:01:00.579 --> 00:01:02.799 Lord leads me otherwise, I'm gonna stay open 00:01:02.799 --> 00:01:05.900 to that. But right now, y 'all, I think Saturdays 00:01:05.900 --> 00:01:10.640 is a pretty good fit. Now the topic today, y 00:01:10.640 --> 00:01:17.420 'all, is one that a lot more people deal with 00:01:17.420 --> 00:01:23.040 than I think I like to allow myself to think 00:01:23.040 --> 00:01:26.400 of. Like I don't know if this is gonna make sense 00:01:26.400 --> 00:01:28.000 the way I word this y 'all, but sometimes we 00:01:28.000 --> 00:01:29.959 experience something or go through it and we 00:01:29.959 --> 00:01:32.180 forget that other people also experience or go 00:01:32.180 --> 00:01:33.920 through something similar and can relate and 00:01:33.920 --> 00:01:39.060 can benefit from our testimonies. And there's 00:01:39.060 --> 00:01:41.299 one I have to share with y 'all today and that 00:01:41.299 --> 00:01:45.939 is on conditional love and people pleasing and 00:01:45.939 --> 00:01:51.680 fear and control and how God can break that bondage 00:01:51.680 --> 00:01:56.109 off of you. Am someone who just to give y 'all 00:01:56.109 --> 00:01:59.170 a little background that was what I knew growing 00:01:59.170 --> 00:02:04.129 up. I Knew conditional love I knew and I think 00:02:04.129 --> 00:02:07.049 you can tell based off of just how sideways I 00:02:07.049 --> 00:02:12.969 went in my life I I think it was pretty obvious 00:02:12.969 --> 00:02:16.050 that I didn't know what unconditional love was 00:02:16.050 --> 00:02:21.090 I was used to These are your expectations and 00:02:21.090 --> 00:02:23.669 if you meet these expectations, you'll get congratulated. 00:02:23.689 --> 00:02:25.650 You'll get loved if you don't meet them You'll 00:02:25.650 --> 00:02:27.490 be made to feel like failure. You'll be made 00:02:27.490 --> 00:02:30.050 to feel like a disappointment You'll be making 00:02:30.050 --> 00:02:32.610 to feel like crap and let me say that like not 00:02:32.610 --> 00:02:36.030 all of them were like realistic expectations 00:02:36.030 --> 00:02:40.610 and not all of them were like normal like there 00:02:40.610 --> 00:02:43.090 were some things that I would get like degraded 00:02:43.090 --> 00:02:45.590 and berated for that like even adults around 00:02:45.590 --> 00:02:47.150 me that would hear about it would be like that 00:02:47.150 --> 00:02:49.699 makes no sense like Why would someone be upset 00:02:49.699 --> 00:02:52.080 at you for that? Or why would someone react in 00:02:52.080 --> 00:02:55.520 that way? I never really had a map. It was like, 00:02:55.800 --> 00:02:58.819 I felt like I could generally gauge, okay, this 00:02:58.819 --> 00:03:01.120 person will be happy if I do this and this person 00:03:01.120 --> 00:03:03.219 will be unhappy if I do that. But there were 00:03:03.219 --> 00:03:04.819 some times when I would do things I would think 00:03:04.819 --> 00:03:07.680 are perfectly fine and like a person would like 00:03:07.680 --> 00:03:13.419 flip their top. So it was like a weird... I knew 00:03:13.419 --> 00:03:15.639 conditional love, but I also knew just walking 00:03:15.639 --> 00:03:18.520 on eggshells in general. I, as a child, y 'all, 00:03:18.520 --> 00:03:22.240 developed this mentality of, with certain people, 00:03:22.539 --> 00:03:25.520 I only speak when spoken to and give very vague 00:03:25.520 --> 00:03:29.639 answers to limit reactions. I had learned. There 00:03:29.639 --> 00:03:31.939 were some people in my life. I had learned when 00:03:31.939 --> 00:03:35.099 I give them detailed answers There's always some 00:03:35.099 --> 00:03:37.960 kind of reaction and there's always something 00:03:37.960 --> 00:03:41.039 So I'm just gonna give them very bland answers 00:03:41.039 --> 00:03:44.199 I'm gonna yes or no if possible and I'm going 00:03:44.199 --> 00:03:46.840 to eliminate I'm not gonna start any conversations 00:03:46.840 --> 00:03:49.979 if they start conversations with me Be very bland 00:03:49.979 --> 00:03:52.340 because if I'm uninteresting, they won't continue 00:03:52.340 --> 00:03:56.229 the conversations learned that as like a child 00:03:56.229 --> 00:03:59.750 y 'all can hear my cat in the background using 00:03:59.750 --> 00:04:02.569 his little scratcher but just to give you a little 00:04:02.569 --> 00:04:06.409 background that was my level of conditional like 00:04:06.409 --> 00:04:11.490 I knew it hardcore that was ingrained in me and 00:04:11.490 --> 00:04:14.280 there was a lot of fear That came out of it and 00:04:14.280 --> 00:04:16.199 it was weird how I responded to that because 00:04:16.199 --> 00:04:18.699 I would be very fearful with those people But 00:04:18.699 --> 00:04:21.199 it was like I would try to overly compensate 00:04:21.199 --> 00:04:23.480 around other people that I didn't have as much 00:04:23.480 --> 00:04:26.800 fear of right like people my age Um, so once 00:04:26.800 --> 00:04:28.920 I was like at school or around people my age 00:04:28.920 --> 00:04:31.040 the second I felt like someone was disrespectful 00:04:31.040 --> 00:04:34.199 The second I felt like someone was trying me 00:04:34.199 --> 00:04:36.800 the second I felt like anyone was Any type I 00:04:36.800 --> 00:04:38.740 would lay the ground I would lay it out right 00:04:38.740 --> 00:04:40.860 there of like you don't test me. You don't try 00:04:40.860 --> 00:04:43.720 me There were a lot of people who were intimidated 00:04:43.720 --> 00:04:47.540 by little 5 '2 me. I used to joke like I never 00:04:47.540 --> 00:04:50.259 had this swing I never had to do anything but 00:04:50.259 --> 00:04:52.100 there were some people who were fearful just 00:04:52.100 --> 00:04:55.899 based off of my words and I don't see that as 00:04:55.899 --> 00:04:58.560 a brag now but I did then and that was a coping 00:04:58.560 --> 00:05:00.620 mechanism for a lot of different things I talked 00:05:00.620 --> 00:05:02.560 about too that was my way to stop being bullied 00:05:02.560 --> 00:05:04.399 when I felt like people were bullying me I learned 00:05:04.399 --> 00:05:07.839 if I was meaner to them they would stop like 00:05:07.839 --> 00:05:10.360 they would they would go for me and I would go 00:05:10.360 --> 00:05:12.540 lower. I would go to a point where they didn't 00:05:12.540 --> 00:05:14.740 want to come at me again. And that was the mentality 00:05:14.740 --> 00:05:18.199 I moved through through life. But I found I overcompensated 00:05:18.199 --> 00:05:22.060 that with people that I felt like I could stand 00:05:22.060 --> 00:05:23.620 my ground with. Because there were certain people 00:05:23.620 --> 00:05:25.060 in my life that I felt like I couldn't stand 00:05:25.060 --> 00:05:29.269 my ground with, right? And the interesting thing, 00:05:29.269 --> 00:05:31.649 I got the idea from this topic from watching 00:05:31.649 --> 00:05:33.629 Leo Skeppy's podcast. I don't know if y 'all 00:05:33.629 --> 00:05:36.250 know about Leo Skeppy. I didn't know who he was 00:05:36.250 --> 00:05:40.269 until like I started seeing these videos of him 00:05:40.269 --> 00:05:43.370 picking up the Bible and I started watching his 00:05:43.370 --> 00:05:46.550 podcasts and I have loved watching them because 00:05:46.550 --> 00:05:49.970 when I tell y 'all that he reminds me so much 00:05:49.970 --> 00:05:53.970 of me, it is crazy. I know a lot of y 'all know 00:05:54.319 --> 00:05:57.560 the like loving Jesus Daniel where y 'all hear 00:05:57.560 --> 00:06:00.420 me with like being you know trying to be loving 00:06:00.420 --> 00:06:03.639 with my words and every the way Leo talks is 00:06:03.639 --> 00:06:07.360 how I used to be talking to everybody that's 00:06:07.360 --> 00:06:09.420 what like some of the things he says were you 00:06:09.420 --> 00:06:12.920 know like I know people who um maybe have like 00:06:12.920 --> 00:06:14.720 sensitive ears will flip their head around and 00:06:14.720 --> 00:06:19.100 be like oh my gosh did he say that that was how 00:06:19.100 --> 00:06:21.860 I was darling it's so when I watch him I feel 00:06:21.860 --> 00:06:24.800 like I'm watching me Like I literally feel like 00:06:24.800 --> 00:06:26.779 I'm watching me because I was the person I was 00:06:26.779 --> 00:06:29.600 actually really known Y 'all in my friend group 00:06:29.600 --> 00:06:31.819 and in my hometown growing up for saying the 00:06:31.819 --> 00:06:35.240 most absurd stuff Like when someone and I don't 00:06:35.240 --> 00:06:37.459 even know if I want to say absurd But it was 00:06:37.459 --> 00:06:39.879 like I would say the truth no filter. What was 00:06:39.879 --> 00:06:43.660 on my mind. I would say what was on my mind What 00:06:43.660 --> 00:06:45.860 was going on was what was going on the second? 00:06:45.860 --> 00:06:47.860 I felt like someone was being sketchy the felt 00:06:47.860 --> 00:06:50.500 like a second felt like I was the one to I don't 00:06:50.500 --> 00:06:57.470 care I'm gonna say it Like I Don't care. I'm 00:06:57.470 --> 00:07:01.910 gonna say so when I watch Leo y 'all it feels 00:07:01.910 --> 00:07:05.180 like literally no joke Amir like personality 00:07:05.180 --> 00:07:08.839 wise and the things he talks about coming to 00:07:08.839 --> 00:07:12.399 Jesus are things that I felt coming like to Jesus 00:07:12.399 --> 00:07:14.759 like when he's trying to understand forgiveness 00:07:14.759 --> 00:07:17.060 like when he's like I I remember that was when 00:07:17.060 --> 00:07:19.139 the first one I watched when he was talking about 00:07:19.139 --> 00:07:21.399 forgiving other people and he said he used to 00:07:21.399 --> 00:07:23.160 navigate through life just one never want to 00:07:23.160 --> 00:07:26.319 die and then he started feeling you know I don't 00:07:26.319 --> 00:07:28.000 know if the word he used was guilt it's been 00:07:28.000 --> 00:07:30.980 a while since I watched it but kind of like isn't 00:07:30.980 --> 00:07:32.839 supposed to be wishing that on people anymore. 00:07:33.360 --> 00:07:36.519 You know, like simple, it was just a lot of things 00:07:36.519 --> 00:07:38.680 where it's like, man, I relate. Cause it's hard 00:07:38.680 --> 00:07:42.600 to like, when someone hurt you, but then like 00:07:42.600 --> 00:07:44.800 taking accountability for your part in it, you 00:07:44.800 --> 00:07:47.199 know, and not a lot of people do that. And if 00:07:47.199 --> 00:07:49.579 y 'all haven't looked at Leo Skeppy's podcast 00:07:49.579 --> 00:07:54.339 of like, It is so interesting to watch and how 00:07:54.339 --> 00:07:56.779 he's just he's reading scripture and the lord 00:07:56.779 --> 00:08:00.120 is giving him revelation And you can see changes 00:08:00.120 --> 00:08:04.420 that jesus is doing in him um based off of his 00:08:04.420 --> 00:08:07.819 fruits I I feel like I have seen different fruits 00:08:07.819 --> 00:08:11.720 in him. I feel like I have truly like when i'm 00:08:11.720 --> 00:08:13.279 listening to him y 'all i'm like the holy spirit 00:08:13.279 --> 00:08:16.759 is working in his life and he is Humbling himself 00:08:16.759 --> 00:08:22.269 before god and receiving revelation and it reminds 00:08:22.269 --> 00:08:26.310 me a lot of me y 'all because i've had a couple 00:08:26.310 --> 00:08:29.649 people who are shocked now they they talk to 00:08:29.649 --> 00:08:33.889 me now and they knew me my whole life and i went 00:08:33.889 --> 00:08:35.870 through a little kind of thing similar when i 00:08:35.870 --> 00:08:38.610 was giving my life to the lord y 'all For a couple 00:08:38.610 --> 00:08:40.629 months when I was just in my car with my bible 00:08:40.629 --> 00:08:43.450 in california The lord was pouring out fresh 00:08:43.450 --> 00:08:46.450 revelation and conviction on me every day Another 00:08:46.450 --> 00:08:48.870 thing that was interesting what leo said he goes 00:08:48.870 --> 00:08:51.549 through which I went through y 'all Is like the 00:08:51.549 --> 00:08:53.830 lord would give him revelation and then he would 00:08:53.830 --> 00:08:56.570 have to take time to chew on it And implement 00:08:56.570 --> 00:08:58.009 it and that was what the lord was doing with 00:08:58.009 --> 00:09:00.710 me You know like in california. I remember I 00:09:00.710 --> 00:09:03.279 would sit there for hours in my notes and be 00:09:03.279 --> 00:09:04.919 typing up all these different things that the 00:09:04.919 --> 00:09:07.559 Lord was revealing to me and speaking to me and 00:09:07.559 --> 00:09:09.759 like I would be reading through scripture and 00:09:09.759 --> 00:09:12.320 having a new understanding like when it comes 00:09:12.320 --> 00:09:16.740 to forgiveness um when it comes to like walking 00:09:16.740 --> 00:09:19.639 by faith like all these different things and 00:09:19.639 --> 00:09:21.779 I would start having to think okay well how does 00:09:21.779 --> 00:09:23.700 how is God calling me to implement that in my 00:09:23.700 --> 00:09:25.519 life right now how is God calling me to implement 00:09:25.519 --> 00:09:29.460 it how does this Affect me right now and I would 00:09:29.460 --> 00:09:32.100 be taking notes on that for hours and then after 00:09:32.100 --> 00:09:34.240 that would come a couple day period where the 00:09:34.240 --> 00:09:36.340 Lord would be calling me to implement those things 00:09:36.340 --> 00:09:38.379 and give me opportunities to practice them in 00:09:38.379 --> 00:09:40.919 my life and it's just been so awesome to see 00:09:40.919 --> 00:09:45.000 because I haven't heard anyone with like I It 00:09:45.000 --> 00:09:47.519 felt like what I the way the Lord was working 00:09:47.519 --> 00:09:50.059 in me was like I hadn't felt like I heard anyone 00:09:50.059 --> 00:09:53.080 that related to it and I'm watching Leo I'm like 00:09:53.080 --> 00:09:58.179 Lord I feel like what I'm seeing happen How you're 00:09:58.179 --> 00:10:00.419 working with Leo and showing things with him 00:10:00.419 --> 00:10:03.159 is like how you've worked in me, right? so it's 00:10:03.159 --> 00:10:05.159 it's been so encouraging and I love watching 00:10:05.159 --> 00:10:10.559 it and I'm so excited and It's just been awesome. 00:10:10.580 --> 00:10:14.580 So I encourage you all to to watch and just listen 00:10:14.580 --> 00:10:18.250 because he has some very thought -provoking things 00:10:18.250 --> 00:10:20.750 to say that God has been speaking to him. But 00:10:20.750 --> 00:10:22.690 he had a recent episode where he was talking 00:10:22.690 --> 00:10:26.730 about how he's been experiencing unconditional 00:10:26.730 --> 00:10:29.570 love from God that makes him uncomfortable because 00:10:29.570 --> 00:10:33.669 there's no standards to meet. There is no bar. 00:10:34.190 --> 00:10:36.110 There is no you do these things and you receive 00:10:36.110 --> 00:10:38.149 love. And I was watching that and I was like, 00:10:38.289 --> 00:10:42.169 man, it brought me back. Because I'm not perfect 00:10:42.169 --> 00:10:44.350 and I'm still learning sometimes about how God 00:10:44.350 --> 00:10:47.529 loves me and I still Have to be reminded that 00:10:47.529 --> 00:10:49.029 God loves me because there are still days where 00:10:49.029 --> 00:10:53.289 I feel unworthy of it But I remember how hard 00:10:53.289 --> 00:10:55.769 it was for me. I remember when people were saying 00:10:55.769 --> 00:10:59.309 God is your father. He unconditionally loves 00:10:59.309 --> 00:11:02.460 you and it was hard for me because I had not 00:11:02.460 --> 00:11:05.960 yet in my life had that example of an unconditional 00:11:05.960 --> 00:11:08.500 love if I'm doing this because I love you and 00:11:08.500 --> 00:11:11.740 even if you disobey me like I still love you 00:11:11.740 --> 00:11:14.960 because let me tell y 'all I went against God 00:11:14.960 --> 00:11:17.460 I disobeyed God most of my life and he still 00:11:17.460 --> 00:11:21.460 loved me he was still ready for me to give my 00:11:21.460 --> 00:11:27.340 life to him when I was knee -deep in my sin disobedience 00:11:27.340 --> 00:11:34.289 I had been a Jonah And God still wanted me When 00:11:34.289 --> 00:11:36.110 there were a lot of Christians who would already 00:11:36.110 --> 00:11:40.370 condemn me to hell There were people in witchcraft 00:11:40.370 --> 00:11:42.509 who thought God doesn't care about her. She's 00:11:42.509 --> 00:11:54.610 ours Receiving unconditional love when you're 00:11:54.610 --> 00:11:56.649 so used to conditional is the most uncomfortable 00:11:56.649 --> 00:12:00.320 thing in the world Because you you really it's 00:12:00.320 --> 00:12:03.879 you're so used to like if I do these steps. I'll 00:12:03.879 --> 00:12:06.879 receive love I'll receive provision. I'll receive 00:12:06.879 --> 00:12:09.840 these things and if I don't I won't and with 00:12:09.840 --> 00:12:14.240 God it's not that way It's the milk and meat 00:12:14.240 --> 00:12:17.200 right y 'all I'm finally and I've been in a meat 00:12:17.200 --> 00:12:19.600 stage I was in a milk stage for a long time and 00:12:19.600 --> 00:12:21.659 the milk is when you're just getting the basic 00:12:21.659 --> 00:12:25.480 foundations of your faith and you know when I 00:12:25.480 --> 00:12:28.799 was First getting my life to Jesus. I went through 00:12:28.799 --> 00:12:30.519 where a lot of things are being broken off for 00:12:30.519 --> 00:12:33.080 me and a lot of things I started looking at the 00:12:33.080 --> 00:12:36.740 works I could do where it was like tithing giving 00:12:36.740 --> 00:12:41.820 forgiving I was checking off all the works and 00:12:41.820 --> 00:12:45.879 God let me do that for a while Because honestly 00:12:45.879 --> 00:12:49.860 my life before then The works weren't very cute. 00:12:49.940 --> 00:12:53.019 So the Lord was allowing me to establish good 00:12:53.019 --> 00:12:56.200 habits Um, he was allowing me to look at my works 00:12:56.200 --> 00:12:58.360 for a while and to break things off and break 00:12:58.360 --> 00:13:00.399 them down and establishing new habits and those 00:13:00.399 --> 00:13:02.480 habits started to lead to different mindsets, 00:13:02.600 --> 00:13:05.320 right? But then when I started hanging the meat 00:13:05.320 --> 00:13:07.860 face was when I started wrecking was when the 00:13:07.860 --> 00:13:09.799 lord started speaking to me more about it's not 00:13:09.799 --> 00:13:14.100 about works It's about your faith and i want 00:13:14.100 --> 00:13:18.580 to be so clear that was never like my my Salvation 00:13:18.580 --> 00:13:21.139 is bought by my works, but there is a part of 00:13:21.139 --> 00:13:26.179 me that was like kind of like For a while looking 00:13:26.179 --> 00:13:28.539 at my relationship with Jesus and equating it 00:13:28.539 --> 00:13:30.519 to my works, right? And the Lord allowed me to 00:13:30.519 --> 00:13:32.659 do that for a while like the Lord allowed me 00:13:32.659 --> 00:13:34.460 to do that for a while because he saw the good 00:13:34.460 --> 00:13:36.559 that could come out of it and what came out of 00:13:36.559 --> 00:13:39.019 it was a lot of habits I used to entertain were 00:13:39.019 --> 00:13:41.460 broken off and he brought up good routines He 00:13:41.460 --> 00:13:44.299 brought up good practices in me and when when 00:13:44.299 --> 00:13:47.139 I got to a point where I was secure in my faith 00:13:47.139 --> 00:13:49.779 And when I was rooted and I wasn't really falling 00:13:49.779 --> 00:13:52.980 away it was when the Lord started kind of pruning 00:13:52.980 --> 00:13:57.340 me more of okay now is when I'm going to start 00:13:57.340 --> 00:14:01.299 telling you that even if you don't do all these 00:14:01.299 --> 00:14:03.860 works I'm still going to love you and it was 00:14:03.860 --> 00:14:06.879 weird like I went through a period when the routines 00:14:06.879 --> 00:14:10.759 and the habits I had started stepping into I 00:14:10.759 --> 00:14:13.639 had to fall out of those for a little while and 00:14:13.639 --> 00:14:16.820 I still saw blessing and I still saw provision 00:14:16.820 --> 00:14:18.620 there was a time when I couldn't go to church 00:14:18.990 --> 00:14:21.289 and I didn't go to church for like a four week 00:14:21.289 --> 00:14:23.250 period straight and that was really rough for 00:14:23.250 --> 00:14:25.710 me because I never missed church for nothing 00:14:25.710 --> 00:14:30.429 and for four weeks I couldn't go and in those 00:14:30.429 --> 00:14:33.049 four weeks you know I still was praying to the 00:14:33.049 --> 00:14:35.649 Lord I was still seeking him I still I actually 00:14:35.649 --> 00:14:37.809 started praying to him more and have more of 00:14:37.809 --> 00:14:40.409 a relationship with him but the works of like 00:14:40.409 --> 00:14:43.129 the going to church and the volunteering and 00:14:43.129 --> 00:14:46.659 things like that kind of took a back seat And 00:14:46.659 --> 00:14:49.639 what's crazy is I saw more revelation from the 00:14:49.639 --> 00:14:52.320 Lord. I saw more blessing. I saw more pouring 00:14:52.320 --> 00:15:01.159 out on me Then I can really remember Like in 00:15:01.159 --> 00:15:02.879 that much of a period it felt like I had all 00:15:02.879 --> 00:15:04.980 this growth and all this understanding and the 00:15:04.980 --> 00:15:09.039 Lord was multiplying things and it was like You've 00:15:09.039 --> 00:15:10.519 been doing all this learn all I've been doing 00:15:10.519 --> 00:15:14.220 like I have been seeking you but I haven't I 00:15:14.220 --> 00:15:16.580 felt like kind of low in some areas because I 00:15:16.580 --> 00:15:18.440 was like, well, I'm supposed to serve and I haven't 00:15:18.440 --> 00:15:20.820 been serving. I haven't been able to do the volunteering. 00:15:21.279 --> 00:15:22.820 I was like, I haven't been showing up to the 00:15:22.820 --> 00:15:24.340 community and worshiping and doing all these 00:15:24.340 --> 00:15:27.840 things. And that's when the Lord's are breaking 00:15:27.840 --> 00:15:30.799 down in me that he doesn't love me because I 00:15:30.799 --> 00:15:36.240 do those things. I do those things because I 00:15:36.240 --> 00:15:40.950 love him. I volunteer and I serve. because I 00:15:40.950 --> 00:15:43.309 love the Lord and I see serving and volunteering 00:15:43.309 --> 00:15:46.049 as a way to spread the gospel, as a way to serve 00:15:46.049 --> 00:15:50.330 God, as a way to give back. I go to church as 00:15:50.330 --> 00:15:53.509 my way to elevate Him and worship Him and spend 00:15:53.509 --> 00:15:55.710 time with community. I go there because I know 00:15:55.710 --> 00:16:00.549 it's good for me spiritually. But I saw that 00:16:00.549 --> 00:16:02.649 even when those things fell off for a while, 00:16:02.669 --> 00:16:05.730 God still loved me. There were a couple of sins 00:16:05.730 --> 00:16:10.649 I fell back into and it was like... Immediately 00:16:10.649 --> 00:16:14.669 after falling back into that sin Less than an 00:16:14.669 --> 00:16:17.409 hour later. God was speaking life into me again 00:16:17.409 --> 00:16:19.649 and telling me he loves me and he forgave me 00:16:19.649 --> 00:16:22.909 and let's move on actually saw blessing and it 00:16:22.909 --> 00:16:25.330 was like such a weird thing for me because I 00:16:25.330 --> 00:16:29.690 was like God I'm I'm falling short in these areas 00:16:29.690 --> 00:16:32.169 and you're still blessing me and you're still 00:16:32.169 --> 00:16:36.070 loving me and like now It's easier for me to 00:16:36.070 --> 00:16:39.639 accept But for the longest time it wasn't it 00:16:39.639 --> 00:16:43.120 was so hard because that was not what I knew 00:16:43.120 --> 00:16:47.740 That was the opposite of what I knew And it was 00:16:47.740 --> 00:16:49.600 actually really frustrating for me when I first 00:16:49.600 --> 00:16:51.539 gave my life to Jesus when people were like God 00:16:51.539 --> 00:16:55.259 is a loving father He loves you remember. He's 00:16:55.259 --> 00:16:57.500 your loving father, and I was saying there's 00:16:57.500 --> 00:16:59.679 like it's easy It's easy for y 'all to say when 00:16:59.679 --> 00:17:02.100 you know unconditional love you're speaking this 00:17:02.100 --> 00:17:03.580 to me It feels like I'm listening to you speaking 00:17:03.580 --> 00:17:05.279 me in Spanish because I don't know Spanish y 00:17:05.279 --> 00:17:08.119 'all I'm like, I know to you this makes sense, 00:17:08.119 --> 00:17:09.880 but to me it doesn't because this isn't what 00:17:09.880 --> 00:17:14.119 I know. I know conditionality. I know you do 00:17:14.119 --> 00:17:16.720 these things. You check this list. I'll be content 00:17:16.720 --> 00:17:19.480 with you. And then I also know that once I check 00:17:19.480 --> 00:17:21.480 that list, the bar is going to get raised. Now 00:17:21.480 --> 00:17:22.880 you have to do these things and those things 00:17:22.880 --> 00:17:27.059 are no longer good enough. I know constant increase 00:17:27.059 --> 00:17:29.039 of, I want more from you, more from you. The 00:17:29.039 --> 00:17:30.839 bar is here, the bar is here, the bar is here. 00:17:31.259 --> 00:17:35.950 I know a never ending bar. And all of a sudden, 00:17:36.009 --> 00:17:38.450 what was good enough yesterday is no longer good 00:17:38.450 --> 00:17:43.390 enough and unsatisfactory. And let me tell y 00:17:43.390 --> 00:17:46.470 'all, there's a testimony I shared on TikTok, 00:17:46.849 --> 00:17:50.710 and this is gonna be helpful for someone to hear 00:17:50.710 --> 00:17:53.430 of sometimes God delivers you by being in the 00:17:53.430 --> 00:17:58.440 fire with you. it was not long after I gave my 00:17:58.440 --> 00:17:59.900 life to the Lord that he started speaking to 00:17:59.900 --> 00:18:01.839 me about forgiveness and I started working on 00:18:01.839 --> 00:18:04.299 forgiving people and he started showing me that 00:18:04.299 --> 00:18:07.980 there were people that I Hurt and even though 00:18:07.980 --> 00:18:10.700 they hurt me I hurt them too and it wasn't just 00:18:10.700 --> 00:18:14.299 and it wasn't right and There were a couple people 00:18:14.299 --> 00:18:17.099 I felt led to and taking accountability to apologize 00:18:17.099 --> 00:18:21.099 to and one of these people that I apologized 00:18:21.099 --> 00:18:25.339 to they accepted my apology and Um, they had 00:18:25.339 --> 00:18:27.119 saw that I was in a place where I didn't have 00:18:27.119 --> 00:18:29.259 a lot of provision I didn't have a lot of things 00:18:29.259 --> 00:18:31.200 and keep my I didn't go to this person expecting 00:18:31.200 --> 00:18:34.559 anything. I just wanted to Y 'all know when you 00:18:34.559 --> 00:18:36.200 feel a conviction something from god, you can't 00:18:36.200 --> 00:18:40.200 shake it until you do it And like and I i'll 00:18:40.200 --> 00:18:42.400 be so for I was hoping god would bless me in 00:18:42.400 --> 00:18:44.559 my obedience At that time. I was really workspace. 00:18:44.559 --> 00:18:46.539 So I was like maybe god is telling me to go and 00:18:46.539 --> 00:18:51.339 apologize and he'll bless my apology And I went 00:18:51.339 --> 00:18:55.309 in and I apologized and this person's found out 00:18:55.309 --> 00:18:59.289 the position I was in and offered me help offered 00:18:59.289 --> 00:19:04.650 me provision right there and I accepted but it 00:19:04.650 --> 00:19:10.690 wasn't too long after this that I just a little 00:19:10.690 --> 00:19:15.789 bit of background this person didn't know the 00:19:15.789 --> 00:19:18.349 surrender to Christ Danielle and keep in mind 00:19:18.349 --> 00:19:21.609 I was very fresh I was like a couple months in 00:19:21.609 --> 00:19:24.250 so I was still I was a baby baby Christian like 00:19:24.250 --> 00:19:26.309 I was really learning I may have been called 00:19:26.309 --> 00:19:28.309 Christian as a child but this was me actually 00:19:28.309 --> 00:19:32.569 I was very new in walking with the Lord I was 00:19:32.569 --> 00:19:35.609 still learning like I'm still learning obviously 00:19:35.609 --> 00:19:41.349 now but that was I was fresh and I was still 00:19:41.349 --> 00:19:44.250 easily kind of shaken right because I didn't 00:19:44.250 --> 00:19:47.089 have all this I knew who God was and I believe 00:19:47.089 --> 00:19:54.660 but wasn't like strongly rooted yet and this 00:19:54.660 --> 00:19:58.579 person what they had known from me was they had 00:19:58.579 --> 00:20:03.339 known the fearful me they had known the we get 00:20:03.339 --> 00:20:07.259 I give her provision and then she's gonna have 00:20:07.259 --> 00:20:11.160 to obey me I do these things and she's gonna 00:20:11.160 --> 00:20:15.779 have to obey me and if I don't I'll punish Like 00:20:15.779 --> 00:20:18.259 that was kind of the mentality I feel like this 00:20:18.259 --> 00:20:21.380 person kind of had with me, right? And it wasn't 00:20:21.380 --> 00:20:23.920 too long until I think this person kind of felt 00:20:23.920 --> 00:20:26.940 like I was under their thumb a bit, meaning they 00:20:26.940 --> 00:20:30.279 would give me small nudges and guidance and I 00:20:30.279 --> 00:20:32.519 would be quick to jump. They jump and I would 00:20:32.519 --> 00:20:37.000 say, how high? And it wasn't long at all that 00:20:37.000 --> 00:20:40.920 they gave me some instructions that to worldly 00:20:40.920 --> 00:20:44.869 ears might sound okay. but to someone who knows 00:20:44.869 --> 00:20:47.210 God's Word, these instructions went directly 00:20:47.210 --> 00:20:49.589 against God's Word. Whereas like, yeah, these 00:20:49.589 --> 00:20:53.390 are the exact opposite of what God says to do. 00:20:53.549 --> 00:20:55.450 I could hold this to the Bible right now and 00:20:55.450 --> 00:20:57.369 run in the other direction of, no, do not do 00:20:57.369 --> 00:21:02.230 this. And I was kind of met with an ultimatum 00:21:02.230 --> 00:21:05.390 of, if you don't do this, I, and this person 00:21:05.390 --> 00:21:06.970 was very specific with it, I'm going to send 00:21:06.970 --> 00:21:09.970 you right back to where you came from. Like I'm 00:21:09.970 --> 00:21:11.549 gonna rip this provision away, and I don't care 00:21:11.549 --> 00:21:17.130 what happens to you and I took it to God God 00:21:17.130 --> 00:21:19.309 told me he would provide and I continue to put 00:21:19.309 --> 00:21:22.150 my faith in God and got provided and it kind 00:21:22.150 --> 00:21:26.000 of pacified this person for a while, but I was 00:21:26.000 --> 00:21:28.059 taking things to God and I was like, God, please 00:21:28.059 --> 00:21:30.400 remove me from the situation. This isn't healthy. 00:21:30.700 --> 00:21:32.339 I don't want to be here. I can tell this person 00:21:32.339 --> 00:21:34.079 is trying to control me. I can tell this person 00:21:34.079 --> 00:21:36.539 isn't encouraging me to pursue a relationship 00:21:36.539 --> 00:21:39.440 with you. I don't see why you have me here. This 00:21:39.440 --> 00:21:43.460 feels like counterproductive. Like I knew there 00:21:43.460 --> 00:21:46.000 when I was there that this person wasn't pushing 00:21:46.000 --> 00:21:49.599 me closer to Jesus. I wasn't stupid. I think 00:21:49.599 --> 00:21:52.400 I could see it like almost immediately where 00:21:52.400 --> 00:21:54.759 I was like God I feel like if I'm here too long 00:21:54.759 --> 00:21:57.099 This is gonna ruin my relationship with you. 00:21:57.119 --> 00:21:59.460 I don't know if I can do this I'm not strong 00:21:59.460 --> 00:22:01.980 enough to do this and that was I didn't know 00:22:01.980 --> 00:22:05.259 it then but God was teaching me to rely on his 00:22:05.259 --> 00:22:07.460 strength that it was his strength not mine and 00:22:07.460 --> 00:22:09.619 That if my faith was in him, he could deliver 00:22:09.619 --> 00:22:12.019 me from anything. I remember him leading me to 00:22:12.019 --> 00:22:14.140 the story This is the scripture we're pulling 00:22:14.140 --> 00:22:16.460 from today all of the three men in the fiery 00:22:16.460 --> 00:22:21.279 furnace who refused to bow down and worship the 00:22:21.279 --> 00:22:27.039 idol. And because they refused to bow down and 00:22:27.039 --> 00:22:30.019 worship the idol, the king cast them into the 00:22:30.019 --> 00:22:36.440 furnace. And when they were in that fiery furnace, 00:22:36.460 --> 00:22:38.839 they weren't burned up, they weren't consumed, 00:22:39.220 --> 00:22:41.299 but instead there were four men in that fire 00:22:41.299 --> 00:22:43.579 and they were marching around in that fire. God 00:22:43.579 --> 00:22:47.099 was with them in that fire. And that king saw 00:22:47.099 --> 00:22:49.670 them Have them removed and when they came out 00:22:49.670 --> 00:22:51.410 they weren't singed. They didn't look like they've 00:22:51.410 --> 00:22:52.950 been through any fire They didn't look like they 00:22:52.950 --> 00:22:57.569 had been through any mess Not King had to glorify 00:22:57.569 --> 00:23:04.910 God Like glory be to their God And I felt the 00:23:04.910 --> 00:23:06.809 Lord speaking to me in that moment that you have 00:23:06.809 --> 00:23:08.750 had other deliverances where I've just removed 00:23:08.750 --> 00:23:11.150 you from the situation where I've just made things 00:23:11.150 --> 00:23:15.089 better, but instead I'm gonna be with you in 00:23:15.089 --> 00:23:17.910 this fire." And I didn't know that that was actually 00:23:17.910 --> 00:23:20.109 gonna turn into a long period. Y 'all, I was 00:23:20.109 --> 00:23:24.529 in that situation for, was that, close to a year. 00:23:25.029 --> 00:23:27.890 It was close to a year, y 'all. I would say, 00:23:28.029 --> 00:23:31.549 I think it was like eight or nine months. It 00:23:31.549 --> 00:23:35.710 wasn't an instant deliverance. And there were 00:23:35.710 --> 00:23:37.990 times when I would think like, is this person 00:23:37.990 --> 00:23:40.089 changing? Is this thing gonna shift? And then 00:23:40.089 --> 00:23:45.819 I would say, no. Not exactly. And it was a wrestle 00:23:45.819 --> 00:23:48.240 for me, right? Because this was an ingrained 00:23:48.240 --> 00:23:50.920 fear I had had my whole life. I had known a fear 00:23:50.920 --> 00:23:53.880 of this person, and I had known a obey because 00:23:53.880 --> 00:23:58.160 I feared this person. But I now feared God more. 00:23:59.220 --> 00:24:02.799 I not only feared God and had a reverence for 00:24:02.799 --> 00:24:08.819 God, but I trusted God. Although his unconditional 00:24:08.819 --> 00:24:13.180 love made me uncomfortable, When I was put in 00:24:13.180 --> 00:24:15.880 a position of this person's conditional love 00:24:15.880 --> 00:24:18.500 and God's unconditional love, I ran to God's 00:24:18.500 --> 00:24:24.460 unconditional love. That was what I latched onto. 00:24:25.279 --> 00:24:27.980 And actually being around that conditional love 00:24:27.980 --> 00:24:30.599 kind of encouraged me to latch onto God more 00:24:30.599 --> 00:24:34.400 and to trust in God more. Because as I progressed 00:24:34.400 --> 00:24:36.839 through these periods, this person would give 00:24:36.839 --> 00:24:39.559 me more guidance and more instruction of nudges 00:24:39.559 --> 00:24:44.950 away from God. the worldly direction and again 00:24:44.950 --> 00:24:47.309 a lot of things this person was saying to worldly 00:24:47.309 --> 00:24:49.710 ears would make sense and would be good but when 00:24:49.710 --> 00:24:51.930 I held them up to the Word of God a lot of these 00:24:51.930 --> 00:24:54.450 it was clear this isn't what God told me to do 00:24:54.450 --> 00:24:56.670 and some things that sounded like a toss -up 00:24:56.670 --> 00:24:59.210 this doesn't sound too bad when I would take 00:24:59.210 --> 00:25:01.089 it to God God would say that's not what I have 00:25:01.089 --> 00:25:05.549 for you so I started to go through this process 00:25:05.549 --> 00:25:07.410 of this person would kind of make it clear that 00:25:07.410 --> 00:25:12.220 they want me to do specific things and I would 00:25:12.220 --> 00:25:15.579 say, okay, I hear you. I would take it back to 00:25:15.579 --> 00:25:18.460 God and when God would say no, I wouldn't move. 00:25:18.880 --> 00:25:23.160 I wouldn't take that action. And I felt God make 00:25:23.160 --> 00:25:25.000 it very clear to me like, hey, this person's 00:25:25.000 --> 00:25:27.559 not going to understand because this person didn't 00:25:27.559 --> 00:25:29.099 have their faith in God. I want to be so clear 00:25:29.099 --> 00:25:31.720 with that, y 'all. This person actually had said 00:25:31.720 --> 00:25:34.880 to me before, like, I don't understand the concept 00:25:34.880 --> 00:25:37.359 of denying your flesh and denying yourself what 00:25:37.359 --> 00:25:40.359 God would ask you to do that. This person didn't 00:25:40.359 --> 00:25:42.680 understand my relationship with Jesus and the 00:25:42.680 --> 00:25:44.839 Lord kind of made it clear to me because I had 00:25:44.839 --> 00:25:47.500 asked multiple times like do I do I sit down 00:25:47.500 --> 00:25:50.720 and try to explain these things and We know from 00:25:50.720 --> 00:25:52.019 reading scripture that there are some people 00:25:52.019 --> 00:25:54.359 who have a hardened heart God chooses whose hearts 00:25:54.359 --> 00:25:56.980 are hardened like he will literally harden people's 00:25:56.980 --> 00:25:59.099 hearts but God already knows people who are going 00:25:59.099 --> 00:26:01.940 to continue to be hardened or softened and People 00:26:01.940 --> 00:26:03.900 with hardened hearts have like a veil over their 00:26:03.900 --> 00:26:05.940 eyes where they do not understand and they're 00:26:05.940 --> 00:26:08.880 not going to be able to grasp it And the Lord 00:26:08.880 --> 00:26:11.140 really revealed to me it was one of those situations 00:26:11.140 --> 00:26:14.619 of like, I don't even want to say like a casting 00:26:14.619 --> 00:26:17.220 your pearls before swine, but a thing of like, 00:26:17.519 --> 00:26:19.480 they're not, it's not, they're not going to get 00:26:19.480 --> 00:26:23.099 it. They don't know God like that. They don't 00:26:23.099 --> 00:26:25.140 have the relationship with Jesus like that. And 00:26:25.140 --> 00:26:26.920 you know, I would do my things to plant seeds. 00:26:27.200 --> 00:26:29.220 And while I was there, the Lord would encourage 00:26:29.220 --> 00:26:32.779 me to do that. But also while guarding my heart, 00:26:33.559 --> 00:26:37.829 but. It started getting harder y 'all because 00:26:37.829 --> 00:26:41.650 the control started getting tighter and Guilting 00:26:41.650 --> 00:26:43.630 and it started getting come out from different 00:26:43.630 --> 00:26:47.230 areas that I wasn't expecting Okay, it wasn't 00:26:47.230 --> 00:26:50.589 just here. I was being hit at by I was being 00:26:50.589 --> 00:26:54.009 hit by guilt and like emotional like it was all 00:26:54.009 --> 00:26:57.410 these different areas but at the end of the day 00:26:57.410 --> 00:27:00.410 I kept my faith in God and I remember I started 00:27:00.410 --> 00:27:02.500 praying to the Lord because things started getting 00:27:02.500 --> 00:27:05.180 really tense where like it felt like I couldn't 00:27:05.180 --> 00:27:06.880 even have a conversation with this person it 00:27:06.880 --> 00:27:08.839 felt like any moment things could pop off and 00:27:08.839 --> 00:27:12.099 go down and I was like God I know this person 00:27:12.099 --> 00:27:15.880 is unsatisfied and unhappy with me and you're 00:27:15.880 --> 00:27:18.819 calling me to basically say no to everything 00:27:18.819 --> 00:27:22.660 this person is doing and I so many times in prayer 00:27:22.660 --> 00:27:25.240 said God this person one day is gonna get fed 00:27:25.240 --> 00:27:28.920 up that I'm not submitting to them and they're 00:27:28.920 --> 00:27:32.200 gonna cut my legs out from under me They're gonna 00:27:32.200 --> 00:27:34.460 try to rip everything out from under me like 00:27:34.460 --> 00:27:37.599 I know this person This is what they're gonna 00:27:37.599 --> 00:27:41.079 do to me when they see that like I'm not obeying 00:27:41.079 --> 00:27:50.980 all these other ways And The Lord it was like 00:27:50.980 --> 00:27:56.400 it was a reassurance of like God will take care 00:27:56.400 --> 00:27:59.440 of you like Every time I walked away and prayed, 00:27:59.519 --> 00:28:01.519 it was like, even if that happens, God will provide. 00:28:01.819 --> 00:28:04.160 Even if the worst thing happens, God will provide. 00:28:04.220 --> 00:28:06.299 He will be with me in the fire. And I kept being 00:28:06.299 --> 00:28:08.640 led back to that, to my deliverance is Him in 00:28:08.640 --> 00:28:10.559 the fire with me. God didn't say I'm going to 00:28:10.559 --> 00:28:12.759 spare you from this fire. Y 'all, as I was in 00:28:12.759 --> 00:28:14.500 there, it was like the burner was getting turned 00:28:14.500 --> 00:28:18.220 up higher. It was like throughout all that time 00:28:18.220 --> 00:28:20.779 period, the more I obeyed Christ, the harder 00:28:20.779 --> 00:28:23.500 it got. the hotter the temperature got y 'all 00:28:23.500 --> 00:28:26.079 know how they actually like boil frogs as they 00:28:26.079 --> 00:28:28.420 put them in lukewarm water and then they slowly 00:28:28.420 --> 00:28:30.779 turn it up and by the time they're boiling they 00:28:30.779 --> 00:28:34.559 don't even know they're boiling and i was like 00:28:34.559 --> 00:28:38.299 i i felt like lord like that is what i'm in like 00:28:38.299 --> 00:28:39.960 it's just getting harder and harder the more 00:28:39.960 --> 00:28:43.660 obedience i'm like something's got to break eventually 00:28:43.660 --> 00:28:48.240 something's got to break and eventually it did 00:28:48.240 --> 00:28:52.750 um eventually this person um at this point i 00:28:52.750 --> 00:28:54.809 had gotten really uncomfortable and this person 00:28:54.809 --> 00:28:57.430 had basically made it really clear to me of like 00:28:57.430 --> 00:29:02.509 hey look this is what i want you to do and you're 00:29:02.509 --> 00:29:05.910 not doing it and any day now i'm going to take 00:29:05.910 --> 00:29:08.009 all this provision away from you and whatever 00:29:08.009 --> 00:29:11.970 happens to you happens to you and guys this is 00:29:11.970 --> 00:29:14.230 me saying it in a kind way it wasn't said that 00:29:14.230 --> 00:29:19.589 kindly to me um and i believed it I knew it to 00:29:19.589 --> 00:29:21.849 be true. I didn't doubt it for one second. I 00:29:21.849 --> 00:29:23.970 knew that to be true and I had already expected 00:29:23.970 --> 00:29:31.569 that and I took it to God and Again, I just I 00:29:31.569 --> 00:29:33.950 knew God would provide even if that happens God 00:29:33.950 --> 00:29:35.789 will provide and I started seeing it this is 00:29:35.789 --> 00:29:37.930 the opportunity for God to show up and for this 00:29:37.930 --> 00:29:40.230 person to see God's protection and God's hand 00:29:40.230 --> 00:29:44.049 over my life and You know, I was saying to God 00:29:44.049 --> 00:29:46.990 I was like God this person knows that I don't 00:29:46.990 --> 00:29:49.730 have backups like they've made it very clear 00:29:49.730 --> 00:29:53.309 to me that they know they they're doing this 00:29:53.309 --> 00:29:57.549 in the headspace of this is going to hurt me 00:29:57.549 --> 00:30:03.049 like it feels like a punishment for not obeying 00:30:03.049 --> 00:30:05.690 and you know they kind of worded it another way 00:30:05.690 --> 00:30:08.089 they were like well i want you know kind of how 00:30:08.089 --> 00:30:10.990 like a a mom bird pushes the baby out of the 00:30:10.990 --> 00:30:13.950 nest to make him fly that was kind of like the 00:30:13.950 --> 00:30:16.009 energy this person was kind of trying to paint 00:30:16.009 --> 00:30:19.049 on it of like well I'm telling you to do these 00:30:19.049 --> 00:30:20.670 things because I want you to better your life 00:30:20.670 --> 00:30:22.809 like I want your life to be better and you're 00:30:22.809 --> 00:30:25.450 not listening to that so I'm gonna rip up provision 00:30:25.450 --> 00:30:28.230 from you and hopefully that'll encourage you 00:30:28.230 --> 00:30:30.130 to do these things I'm telling you to do. It 00:30:30.130 --> 00:30:32.089 was kind of the way it was painted to me but 00:30:32.089 --> 00:30:34.750 the way I really kind of saw it was this person 00:30:34.750 --> 00:30:38.430 doesn't like that I'm not listening and they're 00:30:38.430 --> 00:30:42.210 giving and their love is conditional on me obeying. 00:30:42.430 --> 00:30:45.789 right of me doing what they want me to do and 00:30:45.789 --> 00:30:47.890 performing and if I don't do that no provision 00:30:47.890 --> 00:30:53.970 and this person didn't care the position it would 00:30:53.970 --> 00:30:56.569 put me in and I think if anything they wanted 00:30:56.569 --> 00:30:59.210 to see me um in pain and suffering because it 00:30:59.210 --> 00:31:01.950 would be like there's months after the provision 00:31:01.950 --> 00:31:05.410 was ripped away that like they would ask me questions 00:31:05.410 --> 00:31:07.910 of like what was going on in my life and like 00:31:07.910 --> 00:31:10.230 what my circumstances were like it was like kind 00:31:10.230 --> 00:31:12.880 of prodding questions where the way the things 00:31:12.880 --> 00:31:15.220 that they would ask about it was like they were 00:31:15.220 --> 00:31:18.079 expecting me to be in the lack and they're expecting 00:31:18.079 --> 00:31:20.759 me to be down bad and when my answer would not 00:31:20.759 --> 00:31:24.319 be that because it wasn't god was providing um 00:31:24.319 --> 00:31:27.400 they wouldn't seem very happy about that they 00:31:27.400 --> 00:31:29.960 they would seem surprised but not pleasantly 00:31:29.960 --> 00:31:32.680 surprised you know so that was my kind of cue 00:31:32.680 --> 00:31:35.480 of oh this person wanted me to be suffering. 00:31:35.720 --> 00:31:37.680 Like, it kind of felt like this person wanted 00:31:37.680 --> 00:31:40.160 to be the one who's like, I'm providing and taking 00:31:40.160 --> 00:31:42.220 care, and if I'm not there, watch how quickly 00:31:42.220 --> 00:31:44.880 she fails. And that wasn't what this person was 00:31:44.880 --> 00:31:48.279 answered with. God provided for me. God made 00:31:48.279 --> 00:31:52.460 a way. God made a way. And he has multiplied. 00:31:52.960 --> 00:31:55.400 I'm honestly like, I feel a lot more secure in 00:31:55.400 --> 00:31:57.559 my faith, and there's a lot more things God has 00:31:57.559 --> 00:31:59.779 provided for me now, and helped me with, where 00:31:59.779 --> 00:32:01.660 it's like, I understand why I had to go through 00:32:01.660 --> 00:32:05.589 everything. But what was so interesting was by 00:32:05.589 --> 00:32:08.430 the time that happened and that provision was 00:32:08.430 --> 00:32:11.470 ripped out from under me that fear of that person 00:32:11.470 --> 00:32:15.930 Was not what it was before being in that fiery 00:32:15.930 --> 00:32:21.049 furnace as long as I was It kind of like desensitized 00:32:21.049 --> 00:32:25.910 me but seeing how big my God is and seeing how 00:32:25.910 --> 00:32:29.029 every weapon Everything that this person did 00:32:29.029 --> 00:32:32.109 to me That they thought was gonna destroy me 00:32:32.109 --> 00:32:34.269 that they thought was gonna hurt me. God made 00:32:34.269 --> 00:32:39.890 away and Seeing how big my God is that for me 00:32:39.890 --> 00:32:46.569 was like this is Why I trust God God showing 00:32:46.569 --> 00:32:48.710 up. I wouldn't have seen God show up that way 00:32:48.710 --> 00:32:50.809 if I wasn't put in a situation for him to show 00:32:50.809 --> 00:32:53.869 up Y 'all know what I mean And maybe this is 00:32:53.869 --> 00:32:55.410 speaking to your situation today, if there is 00:32:55.410 --> 00:32:57.450 something you're in where you're not being instantly 00:32:57.450 --> 00:32:59.349 delivered from, are you in a situation where 00:32:59.349 --> 00:33:01.349 instead of God instantly delivering you, He's 00:33:01.349 --> 00:33:04.069 in it with you. And He's allowing you to be in 00:33:04.069 --> 00:33:06.250 this because He knows it's going to change you. 00:33:06.430 --> 00:33:09.309 He's allowing you to experience a suffering because 00:33:09.309 --> 00:33:14.170 the deliverance is going to increase your faith 00:33:14.170 --> 00:33:16.829 in Him in ways that fear is no longer going to 00:33:16.829 --> 00:33:19.170 be able to confine you or control you. That's 00:33:19.170 --> 00:33:24.619 what God did with me. Got to I I had to accept 00:33:24.619 --> 00:33:29.339 his unconditional love I had to I was I was in 00:33:29.339 --> 00:33:32.759 this environment of conditional law and Fear 00:33:32.759 --> 00:33:36.400 and all these things and I got to see how God's 00:33:36.400 --> 00:33:39.660 unconditional love and my faith in him and obedience 00:33:39.660 --> 00:33:42.779 to him Can and will conquer all of these things 00:33:42.779 --> 00:33:45.000 it felt like a David and Goliath moment, right? 00:33:45.240 --> 00:33:46.880 You know when David showed up to that fight, 00:33:46.900 --> 00:33:50.480 it wasn't like he had all the equipment to take 00:33:50.480 --> 00:33:52.799 out Goliath. It was God that took out Goliath 00:33:52.799 --> 00:33:55.799 through David. That situation, y 'all, when that 00:33:55.799 --> 00:33:58.259 person ripped everything out from under me, it 00:33:58.259 --> 00:34:02.359 wasn't me that made everything work or made everything 00:34:02.359 --> 00:34:04.819 happen or made it a safe landing space. It was 00:34:04.819 --> 00:34:08.679 God. God stepped up. I walked in obedience. God 00:34:08.679 --> 00:34:12.659 told me, obey me. You move when I tell you to 00:34:12.659 --> 00:34:18.090 move and not a second further. It was my obedience 00:34:18.090 --> 00:34:23.530 to God and he showed up and showed out And like 00:34:23.530 --> 00:34:28.130 I was reflecting on that today of man God You 00:34:28.130 --> 00:34:32.969 use that experience To break off this fear. This 00:34:32.969 --> 00:34:36.429 was a yoke because I remember it was like about 00:34:36.429 --> 00:34:38.429 a month before that happened when the warfare 00:34:38.429 --> 00:34:40.309 was cranked up to an all -time high about a month 00:34:40.309 --> 00:34:43.230 before you know that Provision was ripped out 00:34:43.230 --> 00:34:45.190 and I was spending like 10 hours a day with the 00:34:45.190 --> 00:34:50.289 Lord just walking in And I remember, like, I 00:34:50.289 --> 00:34:52.670 remember writing down in my journal, and I was 00:34:52.670 --> 00:34:55.909 actually reading about Jezebel. It was with Jezebel 00:34:55.909 --> 00:34:58.670 and Ahab, right? And the revelation though that 00:34:58.670 --> 00:35:01.869 the Lord had given to me was that, you know, 00:35:02.030 --> 00:35:04.829 Jezebel was known as like the manipulator. She 00:35:04.829 --> 00:35:07.730 was the one that was the manipulator, the witch, 00:35:07.829 --> 00:35:10.789 the liar, the deceiver, the controller. Witchcraft 00:35:10.789 --> 00:35:13.869 is a form of control, right? That's what witchcraft 00:35:13.869 --> 00:35:18.130 is, is control. And what Ahab was, is Ahab was 00:35:18.130 --> 00:35:22.610 complicit. Ahab didn't do anything to break Jezebel 00:35:22.610 --> 00:35:27.349 off them. Ahab didn't stop Jezebel. Ahab didn't 00:35:27.349 --> 00:35:29.610 say stop doing what you're doing. Ahab enabled 00:35:29.610 --> 00:35:32.989 it and benefited off of it. And the Lord had 00:35:32.989 --> 00:35:37.750 revealed to me that, There was a bondage on me 00:35:37.750 --> 00:35:39.889 There is a yoke on me like there was a bondage 00:35:39.889 --> 00:35:43.050 on a have and that right and this isn't me Victimizing 00:35:43.050 --> 00:35:45.489 or making any excuses for a have because he had 00:35:45.489 --> 00:35:48.070 every opportunity to stop Jezebel from doing 00:35:48.070 --> 00:35:53.010 what she was doing, right? But he his bondage 00:35:53.010 --> 00:35:56.650 was kind of under her control and her manipulation 00:35:56.650 --> 00:35:59.659 and her influence, right? And I remember what 00:35:59.659 --> 00:36:01.480 the Lord spoke to me in that time is that for 00:36:01.480 --> 00:36:06.000 so long I have been in a bondage of control and 00:36:06.000 --> 00:36:08.960 I was controlled by fear and this conditional 00:36:08.960 --> 00:36:13.199 love and God was allowing me to be in that situation 00:36:13.199 --> 00:36:16.000 so that way he could break it off of me that 00:36:16.000 --> 00:36:18.860 when I was delivered from that I wasn't going 00:36:18.860 --> 00:36:22.940 to be like that Ahab spirit anymore. I was not 00:36:22.940 --> 00:36:27.619 going to be under That control I wasn't gonna 00:36:27.619 --> 00:36:30.800 be under that fear of me going through this and 00:36:30.800 --> 00:36:33.980 having to through God's strength and bond it 00:36:33.980 --> 00:36:37.039 like Through God's strength stand up against 00:36:37.039 --> 00:36:39.139 it that standing up against it and putting my 00:36:39.139 --> 00:36:41.019 faith in God is what was gonna break that bondage 00:36:41.019 --> 00:36:43.980 off of me It wasn't running away Because what 00:36:43.980 --> 00:36:47.099 I asked God to do was deliver me from this Give 00:36:47.099 --> 00:36:49.460 me the money to get away. Give me the provision 00:36:49.460 --> 00:36:51.840 to get away and sure that would have made me 00:36:51.840 --> 00:36:54.139 comfortable But I still would have feared that 00:36:54.139 --> 00:36:58.360 person There still would have been that bondage 00:36:58.360 --> 00:37:00.199 on me. I may have been away from that person, 00:37:00.239 --> 00:37:04.559 but I still would have been bound And what God 00:37:04.559 --> 00:37:06.360 was doing is although it was uncomfortable for 00:37:06.360 --> 00:37:10.159 me to stay in that position God broke the bondage 00:37:10.159 --> 00:37:11.960 off me. So it wasn't like I was just running 00:37:11.960 --> 00:37:14.739 away and getting away unscathed I was being freed. 00:37:15.159 --> 00:37:17.280 I want to say this y 'all there is a difference 00:37:17.280 --> 00:37:22.019 between like Removing yourself and getting away 00:37:22.019 --> 00:37:28.659 and being freed Where I want to be thoughtful 00:37:28.659 --> 00:37:31.619 with the way I word this But I feel like what 00:37:31.619 --> 00:37:33.440 God was showing me because now I've been around 00:37:33.440 --> 00:37:36.559 that person and I've been around that person 00:37:36.559 --> 00:37:39.699 where the fear don't hit like that And this person 00:37:39.699 --> 00:37:41.420 honestly doesn't want to spend as much time with 00:37:41.420 --> 00:37:43.360 me now that they see the fear doesn't hit like 00:37:43.360 --> 00:37:48.260 that But I've had to be in situations again where 00:37:48.260 --> 00:37:50.400 it was like the fear would try to grab onto me 00:37:50.400 --> 00:37:54.599 the control The just trying to like influence 00:37:54.599 --> 00:37:58.050 me and it wouldn't hit and it wouldn't stick 00:37:58.050 --> 00:38:01.369 like it would in the past. I used to have a thing 00:38:01.369 --> 00:38:02.929 of when this person would contact me, I would 00:38:02.929 --> 00:38:04.969 get anxious and get scared, and now it doesn't 00:38:04.969 --> 00:38:07.889 hit like that. Now I'm not saying it's perfect. 00:38:09.289 --> 00:38:13.550 You know, I personally would rather not. Like, 00:38:14.690 --> 00:38:23.250 but, amen. Like, God used this. And I just, I 00:38:23.250 --> 00:38:25.030 pray that this is speaking to someone else's 00:38:25.030 --> 00:38:29.260 situation. that your deliverance may be from 00:38:29.260 --> 00:38:31.719 God being in that fire with you and you get out 00:38:31.719 --> 00:38:33.199 of the fire and escape because y 'all that's 00:38:33.199 --> 00:38:36.139 what happened to me is this person kind of threw 00:38:36.139 --> 00:38:39.900 me into the furnace this person took the steps 00:38:39.900 --> 00:38:43.900 thinking that i was gonna get ate up that i was 00:38:43.900 --> 00:38:47.300 gonna get like i i don't ever curse and i don't 00:38:47.300 --> 00:38:50.860 think this is a curse word I don't know. It's 00:38:50.860 --> 00:38:53.480 not the most lady -like word, but when I was 00:38:53.480 --> 00:38:55.659 praying on it to the Lord earlier, this was a 00:38:55.659 --> 00:38:58.179 saying that kept coming to mind, that this person 00:38:58.179 --> 00:38:59.800 thought they were going to leave me without a 00:38:59.800 --> 00:39:03.900 pot to piss in. And that is a Midwestern saying. 00:39:04.219 --> 00:39:06.420 And again, I don't know if that's a curse word. 00:39:06.699 --> 00:39:09.139 I don't think it qualifies. I think that's like, 00:39:09.139 --> 00:39:11.760 obviously not the most lady -like word. There 00:39:11.760 --> 00:39:14.159 are other words. I think there's also a lot worse 00:39:14.159 --> 00:39:19.400 words, right? But that was the state amen where 00:39:19.400 --> 00:39:21.659 I I felt like the Lord was showing me like that 00:39:21.659 --> 00:39:23.579 was what that person thought I was gonna be in 00:39:23.579 --> 00:39:27.519 and That wasn't what I was in Actually what I 00:39:27.519 --> 00:39:30.639 stepped into there were a lot of upgrades in 00:39:30.639 --> 00:39:32.639 areas of my life And that was what they were 00:39:32.639 --> 00:39:35.300 hearing about and they did not like hearing that 00:39:35.300 --> 00:39:42.389 right Hearing that what they did Actually kind 00:39:42.389 --> 00:39:45.349 of put me in a position for God to increase me 00:39:45.349 --> 00:39:47.769 You know what ended up happening y 'all after 00:39:47.769 --> 00:39:49.889 being broken off that bondage. I started the 00:39:49.889 --> 00:39:53.250 podcast. I Started volunteering. I started doing 00:39:53.250 --> 00:39:55.269 a lot of things and stepping into my calling 00:39:55.269 --> 00:39:58.010 Amen. I started doing a lot of things that God 00:39:58.010 --> 00:40:01.989 called me to do I didn't realize that I wasn't 00:40:01.989 --> 00:40:04.050 gonna be able to do while I was still under the 00:40:04.050 --> 00:40:06.670 fear and bondage of this person because God was 00:40:06.670 --> 00:40:09.530 calling me to share testimonies and emboldening 00:40:09.530 --> 00:40:12.690 me to do things that I, if I was still under 00:40:12.690 --> 00:40:15.210 the fear of this person, wouldn't have done out 00:40:15.210 --> 00:40:17.949 of fear. Would have said, no, not that one. Give 00:40:17.949 --> 00:40:19.829 me something else, God. No, not that one. Or 00:40:19.829 --> 00:40:21.190 I wouldn't have full sinned it. I would have 00:40:21.190 --> 00:40:25.829 done like 50%. And I didn't see yet how important 00:40:25.829 --> 00:40:32.699 it was that God broke that fear off me. And that 00:40:32.699 --> 00:40:35.320 might not be the like fairy tale rainbow story 00:40:35.320 --> 00:40:36.679 everyone wants to hear because I know a lot of 00:40:36.679 --> 00:40:38.539 people want to hear, sunshine and rainbows, this 00:40:38.539 --> 00:40:40.860 person saw the light and like gave their life 00:40:40.860 --> 00:40:42.639 to Jesus. I'm still praying this person gives 00:40:42.639 --> 00:40:44.619 their life to Jesus. That's not the point I'm 00:40:44.619 --> 00:40:46.539 at right now. That's not the point the story 00:40:46.539 --> 00:40:50.179 is at. I know a lot of people when they're thinking 00:40:50.179 --> 00:40:52.780 deliverance, they're expecting that of like, 00:40:52.820 --> 00:40:54.500 you know, this other person sees the light and 00:40:54.500 --> 00:40:58.539 they all sing kumbaya. But unfortunately, sometimes 00:40:58.539 --> 00:41:01.260 the deliverance is we see what happened with 00:41:01.260 --> 00:41:06.219 the Egyptians when they continued to chase Moses 00:41:06.219 --> 00:41:09.199 and the Israelites. God doesn't play about his 00:41:09.199 --> 00:41:13.280 children. What this situation was for me is when 00:41:13.280 --> 00:41:16.280 this person left me without any of these things, 00:41:16.440 --> 00:41:18.139 thought they were leaving me without any of these 00:41:18.139 --> 00:41:22.039 things, without a pot to pee in. That's another 00:41:22.039 --> 00:41:27.539 word. God upgraded. God did exceedingly and abundantly. 00:41:27.960 --> 00:41:32.360 And this spoke to God's protection. This spoke 00:41:32.360 --> 00:41:36.260 to who God was and that when God is providing 00:41:36.260 --> 00:41:38.820 something for you, it doesn't matter whether 00:41:38.820 --> 00:41:41.800 or not other people pitch in or play along. okay 00:41:41.800 --> 00:41:43.840 because i i felt like god really revealed this 00:41:43.840 --> 00:41:46.619 to me this person could have gone the other direction 00:41:46.619 --> 00:41:51.619 this person could have been helpful this person 00:41:51.619 --> 00:41:54.800 could have also seen blessing from god this person 00:41:54.800 --> 00:42:00.179 made their own decisions okay but this person 00:42:00.179 --> 00:42:03.719 and doing this set up the opportunity to see 00:42:03.960 --> 00:42:06.559 just how God will do exceedingly and abundantly. 00:42:06.760 --> 00:42:09.239 And I'm someone who, and I know other people 00:42:09.239 --> 00:42:11.159 are in this boat too, who maybe the Lord has 00:42:11.159 --> 00:42:13.139 given you visions for some things, but there 00:42:13.139 --> 00:42:15.179 are some things you're going to do in life. And 00:42:15.179 --> 00:42:17.480 you may believe that a person is a part of that 00:42:17.480 --> 00:42:20.519 vision. You may believe that this person in your 00:42:20.519 --> 00:42:22.420 life, like God is going to use them and maybe 00:42:22.420 --> 00:42:23.860 they're supposed to do this or they're supposed 00:42:23.860 --> 00:42:26.440 to do that. And when that person doesn't do that 00:42:26.440 --> 00:42:32.739 thing, you think, oh, well now God can't pull 00:42:32.739 --> 00:42:36.510 through. That's not true and I want to tell you 00:42:36.510 --> 00:42:39.289 today. That's not true Because when I was with 00:42:39.289 --> 00:42:42.409 this person, I actually offer like when I was 00:42:42.409 --> 00:42:44.530 around this person I actually for a while believed 00:42:44.530 --> 00:42:46.650 that God brought me there to bring this person 00:42:46.650 --> 00:42:50.590 to Jesus. I Thought for a while that I was there 00:42:50.590 --> 00:42:53.730 to evangelize I thought I was there because God 00:42:53.730 --> 00:42:56.289 had given me a desire to evangelize God had given 00:42:56.289 --> 00:42:58.929 me a desire to create disciples God had given 00:42:58.929 --> 00:43:02.940 me a desire to do these things Y 'all I want 00:43:02.940 --> 00:43:05.920 to pause right now as I'm saying this y 'all 00:43:05.920 --> 00:43:07.639 this video isn't going to be going up Saturday 00:43:07.639 --> 00:43:10.039 I think this video is going up tonight as I'm 00:43:10.039 --> 00:43:13.019 talking I'm not joking though. I felt like the 00:43:13.019 --> 00:43:15.139 Lord was speaking to me that this is an immediate 00:43:15.139 --> 00:43:19.019 upload So I guess you guys are getting episodes 00:43:19.019 --> 00:43:22.659 early But do stay tuned for Saturday. I do still 00:43:22.659 --> 00:43:25.420 plan on like regularly doing Saturdays. Amen 00:43:25.420 --> 00:43:27.360 Okay, so y 'all are getting this episode on a 00:43:27.360 --> 00:43:32.809 Monday the same Monday. It is okay anyway I believed 00:43:32.809 --> 00:43:35.190 I was gonna deliver this person. I believed I 00:43:35.190 --> 00:43:37.710 was going to evangelize this person. I believe 00:43:37.710 --> 00:43:39.570 this person was gonna give their life to Jesus 00:43:39.570 --> 00:43:42.150 while I was there. Like I believed all these 00:43:42.150 --> 00:43:45.849 things. And the longer I was there, the clearer 00:43:45.849 --> 00:43:48.630 it was this wasn't gonna happen. And actually, 00:43:48.849 --> 00:43:51.329 y 'all, I wasn't able to start having the fear 00:43:51.329 --> 00:43:53.869 broken off of me and moving forward until I started 00:43:53.869 --> 00:43:56.929 accepting that this person might not ever accept 00:43:56.929 --> 00:44:02.539 Jesus. Hope that's not the case and I still pray 00:44:02.539 --> 00:44:04.679 to stay that's not the case But there's a part 00:44:04.679 --> 00:44:06.800 of me that first had to accept there's a chance 00:44:06.800 --> 00:44:10.360 this person might not come to Jesus and I have 00:44:10.360 --> 00:44:12.239 to accept that because it's not me that changes 00:44:12.239 --> 00:44:15.460 their heart. It's Jesus and if If they're not 00:44:15.460 --> 00:44:17.079 changing for Jesus, they're definitely not going 00:44:17.079 --> 00:44:20.500 to change for me And I had to be reminded of 00:44:20.500 --> 00:44:22.940 my role of I plant seeds. I don't change hearts 00:44:22.940 --> 00:44:25.559 God will use me to share testimony to spread 00:44:25.559 --> 00:44:28.179 these things and then he will work on their hearts 00:44:30.639 --> 00:44:33.860 It's not up to me to like bring them to Jesus. 00:44:34.239 --> 00:44:36.300 It's not up to me to make sure that they put 00:44:36.300 --> 00:44:39.860 their faith in God I can't do that people tried 00:44:39.860 --> 00:44:41.780 that with me and they couldn't do it. So I definitely 00:44:41.780 --> 00:44:45.800 can't do it with anybody else and Then after 00:44:45.800 --> 00:44:48.920 that the Lord led me to accept if this person 00:44:48.920 --> 00:44:52.159 does accept Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior There's 00:44:52.159 --> 00:44:54.840 a good chance. I'm not gonna see it happen. There's 00:44:54.840 --> 00:44:56.860 a good chance. It's gonna happen after I'm gone 00:44:56.860 --> 00:45:00.610 away and they have someone else planting seeds. 00:45:00.969 --> 00:45:02.909 God's giving them revelation another way. Maybe 00:45:02.909 --> 00:45:07.030 in suffering, they turn to Jesus. The majority 00:45:07.030 --> 00:45:09.030 of the time, y 'all, when we plant seeds, we 00:45:09.030 --> 00:45:10.929 don't get to see the harvest. We don't get to 00:45:10.929 --> 00:45:12.289 see. There have been some times when the Lord 00:45:12.289 --> 00:45:14.489 has allowed me to see the harvest of seeds I've 00:45:14.489 --> 00:45:16.610 planted, when people will say, hey, just so you 00:45:16.610 --> 00:45:18.679 know, this is what happened. like there are people 00:45:18.679 --> 00:45:20.219 who months later they're like hey i just want 00:45:20.219 --> 00:45:22.139 you to know that thing you spoke to me like this 00:45:22.139 --> 00:45:24.659 is what happened and there's there's one person 00:45:24.659 --> 00:45:26.579 who sure may not longer that they've gotten baptized 00:45:26.579 --> 00:45:30.300 and like it was awesome it was awesome but there 00:45:30.300 --> 00:45:31.699 are other times when you're not going to hear 00:45:31.699 --> 00:45:35.219 about it which is why you you take that step 00:45:35.219 --> 00:45:38.059 of obedience and planting the seed not for yourself 00:45:38.059 --> 00:45:41.099 and not to feel successful but simply because 00:45:41.099 --> 00:45:44.380 god called you to do it and i had to accept that 00:45:44.380 --> 00:45:46.940 of like this person does accept Jesus if they 00:45:46.940 --> 00:45:49.960 do have transformations if they do have a perspective 00:45:49.960 --> 00:45:52.320 change it very well is going to happen when I'm 00:45:52.320 --> 00:45:56.500 not around to see it and then I had to accept 00:45:56.500 --> 00:45:59.320 it's a very good chance this person is going 00:45:59.320 --> 00:46:02.639 to really deeply hurt me before this happens 00:46:02.639 --> 00:46:05.119 there's a good chance that if they do accept 00:46:05.119 --> 00:46:06.920 Jesus before they do this person is going to 00:46:06.920 --> 00:46:09.960 hurt me more and I'm going to have to forgive 00:46:09.960 --> 00:46:13.039 them and love them because they're not picking 00:46:13.039 --> 00:46:16.880 up a Bible The only way that they're seeing Jesus 00:46:16.880 --> 00:46:19.280 is through my actions. I invited this person 00:46:19.280 --> 00:46:20.800 to church. They didn't want to come to church. 00:46:21.659 --> 00:46:24.460 I tried reading the Bible. They didn't want to 00:46:24.460 --> 00:46:27.219 read the Bible. I tried showing them gospel music. 00:46:27.239 --> 00:46:29.440 They didn't want to hear it. And the Lord revealed 00:46:29.440 --> 00:46:32.579 to me that I am the Bible this person's reading. 00:46:32.739 --> 00:46:35.820 This person knows I had an encounter with Jesus 00:46:35.820 --> 00:46:38.559 Christ. They know because I told them about it. 00:46:38.619 --> 00:46:40.699 I told them some of the miracles and they looked 00:46:40.699 --> 00:46:43.480 at me skeptically, but they didn't reject it. 00:46:43.800 --> 00:46:47.460 But they also didn't accept Jesus either, right? 00:46:51.239 --> 00:46:53.820 The Lord really showed me that I ministered to 00:46:53.820 --> 00:46:56.280 that person based off of how I lived my life. 00:46:56.519 --> 00:46:59.820 And although maybe that person wasn't, we get 00:46:59.820 --> 00:47:02.199 really caught up on like if whether or not someone 00:47:02.199 --> 00:47:04.639 deserves our love, deserves our kindness, deserves 00:47:04.639 --> 00:47:08.719 our forgiveness. The Lord, before he allowed 00:47:08.719 --> 00:47:11.480 me to go through that, because let me tell y 00:47:11.480 --> 00:47:14.039 'all that I could have easily reacted really 00:47:14.039 --> 00:47:16.380 mean to this person. I could have flipped the 00:47:16.380 --> 00:47:18.099 switch. I could have ghosted. I could have said 00:47:18.099 --> 00:47:20.119 a lot of things. I could have done a lot of things. 00:47:21.719 --> 00:47:26.800 I could have crashed out. But that was an opportunity 00:47:26.800 --> 00:47:30.480 for me to respond with fruits of the spirit It 00:47:30.480 --> 00:47:32.199 makes me think of the scripture where it was 00:47:32.199 --> 00:47:34.159 and this is in the book of John you'll and I 00:47:34.159 --> 00:47:35.880 encourage you to go look this up I'm quoting 00:47:35.880 --> 00:47:38.440 off a memory but let your good works be seen 00:47:38.440 --> 00:47:40.400 by others. So that way they may glorify your 00:47:40.400 --> 00:47:43.840 father who is in heaven When we do good works 00:47:43.840 --> 00:47:46.579 when we do good things that make no sense Like 00:47:46.579 --> 00:47:48.059 when people are like, why are you being nice? 00:47:48.059 --> 00:47:49.980 You shouldn't be being nice. Why are you serving? 00:47:50.179 --> 00:47:51.880 You shouldn't be serving. Why are you loving? 00:47:51.960 --> 00:47:56.599 You shouldn't be loving That's where they can 00:47:56.599 --> 00:48:00.980 see no one but Jesus Like when it's a situation 00:48:00.980 --> 00:48:02.780 where who could love someone after that who could 00:48:02.780 --> 00:48:05.159 forgive who could react that way like where does 00:48:05.159 --> 00:48:07.460 that come from? They're able to look at it and 00:48:07.460 --> 00:48:11.159 see Jesus in it And the Lord really showed me 00:48:11.159 --> 00:48:14.170 like you want this person to be saved. You want 00:48:14.170 --> 00:48:15.670 this person to have their faith in Jesus? Well, 00:48:15.670 --> 00:48:17.730 they're not picking up a Bible. They're not going 00:48:17.730 --> 00:48:19.090 to church. They're not doing any of these things. 00:48:19.090 --> 00:48:20.630 But what they are doing is they are watching 00:48:20.630 --> 00:48:22.969 you and the way you respond. Now, they were watching 00:48:22.969 --> 00:48:25.590 for me to fall. I want to be so clear. I think 00:48:25.590 --> 00:48:27.090 a lot of is they were watching for something 00:48:27.090 --> 00:48:29.610 to slip or for something to fall through. But 00:48:29.610 --> 00:48:31.650 the Lord had been so consistent in me where he's 00:48:31.650 --> 00:48:34.010 like, I'm not going to let them see inconsistent 00:48:34.010 --> 00:48:36.050 in that they're going to see love. They're going 00:48:36.050 --> 00:48:37.909 to see forgiveness. They're going to see patience. 00:48:37.989 --> 00:48:39.449 It might not be perfect, but they're going to 00:48:39.449 --> 00:48:41.570 see it. And it's going to make no sense. And 00:48:41.570 --> 00:48:48.599 it's going to minister. And that's what I did. 00:48:50.320 --> 00:48:56.699 That is what I did. And I took the high road 00:48:56.699 --> 00:49:01.340 on a lot of things, in love, in kindness. I forgave, 00:49:01.500 --> 00:49:03.300 you know, I went on to help this person when 00:49:03.300 --> 00:49:07.679 they needed help with some things. They've seen 00:49:07.679 --> 00:49:09.599 the love of Jesus and I know that's ministering 00:49:09.599 --> 00:49:11.780 to them. I know it is. God has spoken to me, 00:49:11.780 --> 00:49:15.860 I know it is. And maybe you're the person today 00:49:15.860 --> 00:49:17.539 where you've been thinking, like, what does my 00:49:17.539 --> 00:49:19.719 good works do? Like, what's the point of these 00:49:19.719 --> 00:49:21.440 good works? What's the point of doing these good 00:49:21.440 --> 00:49:23.900 things? I don't want to forgive that person. 00:49:24.019 --> 00:49:25.659 I didn't want to forgive this person either. 00:49:26.519 --> 00:49:28.940 I didn't want to do all these things either. 00:49:31.780 --> 00:49:35.000 But I do want to see this person saved. I wish 00:49:35.000 --> 00:49:37.239 everybody could be saved. I know that's not the 00:49:37.239 --> 00:49:40.639 reality. But y 'all when I moved in there, I 00:49:40.639 --> 00:49:43.320 thought I was gonna I thought I was when I moved 00:49:43.320 --> 00:49:45.960 in that space I thought this person might be 00:49:45.960 --> 00:49:48.420 being delivered. I Thought this person might 00:49:48.420 --> 00:49:52.139 be giving their life to Jesus and they may still 00:49:52.139 --> 00:49:55.420 But it wasn't that time and someone needs to 00:49:55.420 --> 00:49:58.059 hear this today is you have to be open Whatever 00:49:58.059 --> 00:50:01.059 situation you're in right now The outcome you 00:50:01.059 --> 00:50:04.739 walked into expecting that might not be God's 00:50:04.739 --> 00:50:07.420 plan and just because that's not God's plan doesn't 00:50:07.420 --> 00:50:09.679 mean he can't still do something amazing with 00:50:09.679 --> 00:50:12.340 it. I went into that situation thinking I was 00:50:12.340 --> 00:50:14.059 going to see this Christian saved and delivered. 00:50:15.139 --> 00:50:19.400 That wasn't what I saw, but it did increase. 00:50:19.940 --> 00:50:22.179 Like by the time I walked out of there, I was 00:50:22.179 --> 00:50:24.420 actually kind of ready to talk to people about 00:50:24.420 --> 00:50:27.099 Jesus. It did prepare me a bit more for my calling. 00:50:28.000 --> 00:50:30.699 And how we even got onto this topic y 'all was 00:50:30.699 --> 00:50:33.210 saying that like, you know, sometimes when you 00:50:33.210 --> 00:50:35.250 feel like God's plan is going to completely fall 00:50:35.250 --> 00:50:37.449 through because someone doesn't comply with how 00:50:37.449 --> 00:50:40.070 you think it's supposed to go down. I literally 00:50:40.070 --> 00:50:42.449 thought when I was there that this person was 00:50:42.449 --> 00:50:44.349 going to give their life to Jesus and all these 00:50:44.349 --> 00:50:46.429 things, and then I was going to step in the ministry. 00:50:46.949 --> 00:50:49.070 And when that wasn't what was happening with 00:50:49.070 --> 00:50:51.610 that person, I started feeling lower of like, 00:50:51.730 --> 00:50:54.530 did I hear God wrong? Am I ever going to be able 00:50:54.530 --> 00:50:57.170 to step into ministry? Am I ever going to be 00:50:57.170 --> 00:51:00.050 planting seeds for people? Like I felt like this 00:51:00.050 --> 00:51:02.489 person not doing that was like a delay in blocking 00:51:02.489 --> 00:51:07.329 it. And when this person threw me out, like rip 00:51:07.329 --> 00:51:09.610 the provision out from under me all logically 00:51:09.610 --> 00:51:11.570 that should have thrown a wrench in my plans 00:51:11.570 --> 00:51:15.530 and created delays. Weeks later I started the 00:51:15.530 --> 00:51:18.869 podcast. Weeks later I stepped into serving. 00:51:19.969 --> 00:51:24.920 Weeks later it delayed nothing. It blocked nothing 00:51:24.920 --> 00:51:27.199 and I feel like someone needs to hear that today 00:51:27.199 --> 00:51:30.739 of like Even if someone tries to cut your legs 00:51:30.739 --> 00:51:32.719 out from under you, even if someone tries to 00:51:32.719 --> 00:51:35.179 throw the ring God has already planned for that 00:51:35.179 --> 00:51:38.900 and their participation in helping you or lack 00:51:38.900 --> 00:51:45.360 thereof Cannot stop the lay deny what God is 00:51:45.360 --> 00:51:50.260 doing. I Thought realistically I would be from 00:51:50.260 --> 00:51:54.969 months back And I was actually pushed forward. 00:51:54.969 --> 00:51:58.329 It was like a slingshot. And I pray that this 00:51:58.329 --> 00:52:01.389 speaks and gives you life today, y 'all. I pray 00:52:01.389 --> 00:52:04.570 it does. And this isn't, I'm gonna be so real, 00:52:04.949 --> 00:52:07.130 the easiest testimony for me to share. I know 00:52:07.130 --> 00:52:08.789 it sounds like it, and I really think the Lord 00:52:08.789 --> 00:52:11.230 is just giving me a boldness right now, and an 00:52:11.230 --> 00:52:14.030 encouragement right now. Because even yesterday, 00:52:14.050 --> 00:52:15.570 I probably wouldn't have had the boldness to 00:52:15.570 --> 00:52:17.829 share this. Because as I said, this was a source 00:52:17.829 --> 00:52:23.210 of fear for a long time. Even saying this. If 00:52:23.210 --> 00:52:25.550 y 'all want someone to pray for, pray for me. 00:52:26.289 --> 00:52:28.389 Pray for me that I continue to have this boldness 00:52:28.389 --> 00:52:30.309 and the strength in sharing this, y 'all. Please, 00:52:30.710 --> 00:52:33.670 please do. But I know that this is gonna be helpful 00:52:33.670 --> 00:52:36.849 for someone. God has spoken to me before that 00:52:36.849 --> 00:52:39.969 my testimonies are gonna be what helps to break 00:52:39.969 --> 00:52:42.110 the bondage off of other people. There are other 00:52:42.110 --> 00:52:44.010 people experiencing what I have experienced. 00:52:44.369 --> 00:52:46.110 There are other people going through what I have 00:52:46.110 --> 00:52:48.849 experienced. And I know that there are people 00:52:48.849 --> 00:52:54.210 who, when I... Share this and glorify God because 00:52:54.210 --> 00:52:57.170 remember y 'all it wasn't me doing like God gets 00:52:57.170 --> 00:53:00.349 the glory in all this God is the factor in all 00:53:00.349 --> 00:53:03.190 this And if you're worshiping God God can do 00:53:03.190 --> 00:53:06.110 the same thing for you that he did for me Your 00:53:06.110 --> 00:53:08.769 obedience to God will do the same thing. It wasn't 00:53:08.769 --> 00:53:10.550 me that brought up provision or did any of these 00:53:10.550 --> 00:53:12.469 things It wasn't even my own strength that turned 00:53:12.469 --> 00:53:15.769 to God instead of that fear It was a strength 00:53:15.769 --> 00:53:19.150 I received from God that he gave and he emboldened 00:53:19.150 --> 00:53:23.400 me if he did for me. He will do it for you Because 00:53:23.400 --> 00:53:25.079 I can tell y 'all right now. I'm not deserving 00:53:25.079 --> 00:53:29.900 of it It's not that I was a good person or I 00:53:29.900 --> 00:53:32.780 said special prayers I'm not deserving of any 00:53:32.780 --> 00:53:35.559 of it But God did it because he loves me unconditionally 00:53:35.559 --> 00:53:37.980 and not as the encouragement and sharing the 00:53:37.980 --> 00:53:40.679 sale God did for me God can do it for you and 00:53:40.679 --> 00:53:42.400 your situation may look a little bit different 00:53:42.400 --> 00:53:44.739 I don't know what your situation looks like but 00:53:44.739 --> 00:53:47.039 that bondage he can break it off of you, too. 00:53:47.480 --> 00:53:51.909 Okay So it's not easy for me to share this but 00:53:51.909 --> 00:53:55.610 I know that me sharing this is gonna be the encouragement 00:53:55.610 --> 00:53:58.050 for someone else. It's gonna be the light bulb 00:53:58.050 --> 00:54:00.909 moment for someone else. It's gonna be the thing 00:54:00.909 --> 00:54:02.630 that causes them to put their faith in Jesus. 00:54:02.670 --> 00:54:05.489 I have told you all before that there was a time 00:54:05.489 --> 00:54:07.349 when God was calling me to have faith and I just 00:54:07.349 --> 00:54:09.010 couldn't muster it up to have faith because there 00:54:09.010 --> 00:54:11.349 was something I needed him to do, a financial 00:54:11.349 --> 00:54:13.309 provision. I just didn't see how he could do 00:54:13.309 --> 00:54:15.489 it. And he showed me the testimony of Jonathan 00:54:15.489 --> 00:54:18.429 Rumi and how he sent Jonathan Rumi those checks. 00:54:19.739 --> 00:54:23.480 And I literally had my faith increased based 00:54:23.480 --> 00:54:25.840 off of hearing what he did for someone else. 00:54:25.840 --> 00:54:28.519 And I know that is how God is using my testimony. 00:54:30.699 --> 00:54:33.559 I do ask y 'all hit subscribe. We're gonna end 00:54:33.559 --> 00:54:36.260 the polycast here today. I do ask that y 'all 00:54:36.260 --> 00:54:38.780 like and subscribe wherever it is you're listening 00:54:38.780 --> 00:54:42.159 to this podcast. Tune in and listen for the next 00:54:42.159 --> 00:54:43.679 one. Bye guys.