WEBVTT

00:00:00.880 --> 00:00:05.419
Hey guys and welcome back to the salt not sweetener

00:00:05.419 --> 00:00:10.359
podcast I'm your host Danielle Townsend and today

00:00:10.359 --> 00:00:14.960
we are going to discuss Following God making

00:00:14.960 --> 00:00:18.839
the choice to follow God And there's a little

00:00:18.839 --> 00:00:22.679
bit of twist on this, okay? Because I'm referring

00:00:22.679 --> 00:00:25.820
to choosing to follow God after you've already

00:00:25.820 --> 00:00:31.190
spent a while following him Sometimes we were

00:00:31.190 --> 00:00:34.189
faithful and we've been following God for a while.

00:00:34.210 --> 00:00:36.170
We've been glorifying him We see how he's moving

00:00:36.170 --> 00:00:39.630
in our lives and then we're faced with a temptation

00:00:39.630 --> 00:00:42.329
We're faced with a period of suffering We're

00:00:42.329 --> 00:00:45.210
faced with an encouragement to walk away and

00:00:45.210 --> 00:00:48.850
we have to make the active choice To continue

00:00:48.850 --> 00:00:52.670
to follow God Now I'm gonna share with y 'all

00:00:52.670 --> 00:00:57.189
some scriptural I'm gonna share with y 'all just

00:00:57.189 --> 00:01:00.189
a little snippet here from the Bible that I've

00:01:00.189 --> 00:01:03.649
seen in the book of Rue And I'm also gonna share

00:01:03.649 --> 00:01:05.790
with y 'all some personal experience and personal

00:01:05.790 --> 00:01:09.329
testimony that I've recently had with this That

00:01:09.329 --> 00:01:10.810
you know, I was one of those people who said

00:01:10.810 --> 00:01:13.650
I'm never gonna be tempted to walk away Like

00:01:13.650 --> 00:01:16.689
I'm never gonna be tempted any of that and lo

00:01:16.689 --> 00:01:21.950
and behold I have very well also faced that temptation

00:01:21.950 --> 00:01:26.030
during a period of suffering So yeah, let's get

00:01:26.030 --> 00:01:28.950
in. Let's get in on this, y 'all. I was recently

00:01:28.950 --> 00:01:30.870
reading the book of Ruth, rereading the book

00:01:30.870 --> 00:01:32.549
of Ruth, and every time I've read the book of

00:01:32.549 --> 00:01:35.590
Ruth in the past, most of the time my mind more

00:01:35.590 --> 00:01:38.609
gravitates towards the relationship between Ruth

00:01:38.609 --> 00:01:41.629
and Boaz and pulling from that. But that was

00:01:41.629 --> 00:01:44.349
not what I was drawn to when I was reading this.

00:01:44.430 --> 00:01:47.209
What I was actually drawn to recently when I

00:01:47.209 --> 00:01:49.829
was reading this was Ruth's commitment to Naomi.

00:01:50.250 --> 00:01:52.790
Which in turn was her commitment to God right

00:01:52.790 --> 00:01:55.290
just to give you a little bit of background with

00:01:55.290 --> 00:01:59.390
Ruth Ruth is a Moabite. Okay, and with my understanding

00:01:59.390 --> 00:02:03.590
of the Moabites they were not just They were

00:02:03.590 --> 00:02:07.250
worshiping false gods they they had their own

00:02:07.250 --> 00:02:12.650
We'll just say Not everything was very pleasing

00:02:12.650 --> 00:02:15.110
to the Lord. Okay, they had their own separate

00:02:15.110 --> 00:02:16.689
gods. They had their own thing that they were

00:02:16.689 --> 00:02:20.780
doing The Moabites can be traced back to Lot

00:02:20.780 --> 00:02:23.659
and his daughters is my understanding as well.

00:02:25.759 --> 00:02:31.360
So yeah, Ruth is a Moabite. She is from the land

00:02:31.360 --> 00:02:35.560
of Moab. Okay, from the territory of Moab. And

00:02:35.560 --> 00:02:39.680
there is this woman named Naomi. Okay, who has

00:02:39.680 --> 00:02:42.259
a husband and she has two sons and they go to

00:02:42.259 --> 00:02:44.919
stay in the territory of Moab for a while while

00:02:44.919 --> 00:02:47.819
there's famine in their own land and While they're

00:02:47.819 --> 00:02:51.460
there her two sons they marry two women Okay,

00:02:51.659 --> 00:02:54.580
and one of them is Ruth and the other one if

00:02:54.580 --> 00:02:58.080
I'm pronouncing her name correctly is Orpah Okay,

00:02:58.080 --> 00:03:03.680
and they lived there for about ten years and

00:03:03.680 --> 00:03:08.870
Then they died both of the sons Naomi's husband

00:03:08.870 --> 00:03:13.710
died so all that was left was Naomi and these

00:03:13.710 --> 00:03:16.270
two children these two these two daughter -in

00:03:16.270 --> 00:03:18.449
-laws right because her two children died so

00:03:18.449 --> 00:03:21.650
her husband dies and both her sons died this

00:03:21.650 --> 00:03:24.009
is a woman that has just experienced extreme

00:03:24.009 --> 00:03:29.090
loss okay like not only just relation loss, losing

00:03:29.090 --> 00:03:31.389
her husband, losing her partner in life, and

00:03:31.389 --> 00:03:33.509
then losing both of her sons. We also have to

00:03:33.509 --> 00:03:36.270
think she has also lost the husband was like

00:03:36.270 --> 00:03:39.129
the leader of the household. He was the one that

00:03:39.129 --> 00:03:40.610
was supposed to be bringing in the money. Like

00:03:40.610 --> 00:03:44.930
she has lost that as well. Like she has suffered

00:03:44.930 --> 00:03:47.310
a lot of loss and then she's left with these

00:03:47.310 --> 00:03:50.099
two daughters -in -law. And this is what she

00:03:50.099 --> 00:03:52.659
starts to say to these daughters -in -law. Naomi,

00:03:52.659 --> 00:03:55.500
we're gonna read in chapter one, verse eight.

00:03:55.680 --> 00:03:57.939
Naomi said to them, each of you go back to your

00:03:57.939 --> 00:04:00.560
mother's home. May the Lord show kindness to

00:04:00.560 --> 00:04:03.020
you as you have shown to the dead and to me.

00:04:03.460 --> 00:04:06.159
May the Lord grant each of you rest in the house

00:04:06.159 --> 00:04:08.680
of a new husband. She kissed them and they wept

00:04:08.680 --> 00:04:12.139
loudly. They said to her, we insist on returning

00:04:12.139 --> 00:04:16.019
with you to your people. But Naomi replied, return

00:04:16.019 --> 00:04:18.639
home, my daughters. Why do you want to go with

00:04:18.639 --> 00:04:22.259
me? Am I able to have any more sons who could

00:04:22.259 --> 00:04:25.819
become your husbands? Return home, my daughters.

00:04:25.980 --> 00:04:28.860
Go on, for I am too old to have another husband,

00:04:28.959 --> 00:04:32.709
even if I were. Even if there was still hope

00:04:32.709 --> 00:04:35.629
for me to have a husband tonight and to bear

00:04:35.629 --> 00:04:37.829
sons Would you be willing to wait for them to

00:04:37.829 --> 00:04:41.029
grow up? Would you restrain yourselves from remarrying?

00:04:41.029 --> 00:04:44.310
No my daughters My life is much too bitter for

00:04:44.310 --> 00:04:47.050
you to share because the Lord's hand has turned

00:04:47.050 --> 00:04:50.810
against me Again, they wept loudly an orphan

00:04:50.810 --> 00:04:53.129
kissed her mother -in -law, but Ruth clung to

00:04:53.129 --> 00:04:56.069
her Naomi said look your sister -in -law has

00:04:56.069 --> 00:04:59.569
gone back to her people and to her gods follow

00:04:59.569 --> 00:05:02.730
your sister -in -law. I want to highlight here

00:05:02.730 --> 00:05:05.329
where she said she has gone back to her people

00:05:05.329 --> 00:05:09.569
and her gods. And by taking context, okay, we're

00:05:09.569 --> 00:05:13.050
looking at context clues here. The fact that

00:05:13.050 --> 00:05:15.850
she had to go back to her gods means there is

00:05:15.850 --> 00:05:18.589
a period where she has left her gods for a while.

00:05:19.670 --> 00:05:23.930
Keep in mind these women have married men who

00:05:23.930 --> 00:05:27.829
worship the god of Israel. So we can assume that

00:05:27.829 --> 00:05:30.209
Ruth and Orpah, during this time of being married

00:05:30.209 --> 00:05:33.209
to these men, have left behind their previous

00:05:33.209 --> 00:05:35.170
worship of the gods that they worshipped while

00:05:35.170 --> 00:05:37.769
they were, you know, just Moabite women, and

00:05:37.769 --> 00:05:39.949
have picked up the worshipping of the God of

00:05:39.949 --> 00:05:45.290
Israel. And here, Ruth, and here Naomi is telling

00:05:45.290 --> 00:05:48.250
Ruth and Orpah, there's nothing left for you

00:05:48.250 --> 00:05:52.290
here. You know, there's no point in staying with

00:05:52.290 --> 00:05:54.680
me. you guys aren't going to have good lives

00:05:54.680 --> 00:05:57.339
at least if you go home you'll have the opportunity

00:05:57.339 --> 00:06:00.339
to rebuild lives to get married again to be provided

00:06:00.339 --> 00:06:03.519
for to have all these things she's like go back

00:06:03.519 --> 00:06:08.939
go back and we see her acknowledging hey ortha

00:06:08.939 --> 00:06:12.000
left and she's she's going back to worshiping

00:06:12.000 --> 00:06:15.300
her old gods why don't you do that too and let's

00:06:15.300 --> 00:06:18.300
look at ruth's response ruth goes on to say don't

00:06:18.300 --> 00:06:21.519
plead with me to abandon you or to return and

00:06:21.519 --> 00:06:24.699
not follow you. For wherever you go, I will go.

00:06:25.300 --> 00:06:27.560
And wherever you live, I will live. Your people

00:06:27.560 --> 00:06:30.139
will be my people, and your God will be my God.

00:06:30.540 --> 00:06:33.819
Where you die, I will die. And there I will be

00:06:33.819 --> 00:06:36.740
buried. May the Lord punish me and do so severely,

00:06:37.060 --> 00:06:39.300
if anything but death separates you and me."

00:06:39.300 --> 00:06:41.319
And right there, Ruth is making a commitment

00:06:41.319 --> 00:06:46.139
to Naomi, saying, my loyalty lies with you. I

00:06:46.139 --> 00:06:49.720
am sticking with you." And in swearing her loyalty

00:06:49.720 --> 00:06:55.240
to Naomi, she is making a commitment to God and

00:06:55.240 --> 00:06:58.100
saying, your people will be my people, your God

00:06:58.100 --> 00:07:00.240
will be my God. She is making a commitment right

00:07:00.240 --> 00:07:03.040
then and there to the God of Israel that I will

00:07:03.040 --> 00:07:06.500
worship you. I will follow you. I will keep your

00:07:06.500 --> 00:07:10.939
commandments. I will keep your statues. Her commitment

00:07:10.939 --> 00:07:14.540
to Naomi is also a commitment to God. So we can

00:07:14.540 --> 00:07:18.920
assume that if Orpah has left her gods temporarily

00:07:18.920 --> 00:07:21.740
and was worshipping the God of Israel and going

00:07:21.740 --> 00:07:25.439
back to her old gods that Ruth has also for a

00:07:25.439 --> 00:07:27.379
time period been worshipping the God of Israel

00:07:27.379 --> 00:07:30.939
and she now is having the opportunity and keep

00:07:30.939 --> 00:07:34.160
in mind she has just lost a husband. She's lost

00:07:34.160 --> 00:07:37.500
a brother -in -law. She's lost a father -in -law.

00:07:38.809 --> 00:07:43.810
She she's She has lost that protection that guide

00:07:43.810 --> 00:07:47.129
right that her husband is supposed to be She's

00:07:47.129 --> 00:07:49.189
probably in such a space of pain right now, too

00:07:49.189 --> 00:07:52.610
And she's being told you can leave this you can

00:07:52.610 --> 00:07:57.550
go back But she is making the active choice of

00:07:57.550 --> 00:08:01.490
no, I'm committing my life to God I'm committing

00:08:01.490 --> 00:08:05.509
myself to being grafted in to the people of Israel,

00:08:05.529 --> 00:08:09.259
which is actually like a This is like a we're

00:08:09.259 --> 00:08:11.259
seeing this before Jesus Christ comes in because

00:08:11.259 --> 00:08:14.279
that's what Jesus Christ did too Isn't that when

00:08:14.279 --> 00:08:19.259
he came here when? You know the the Jewish community

00:08:19.259 --> 00:08:23.100
rejected him the Gentiles we were grafted in

00:08:23.100 --> 00:08:28.160
by faith by faith we become God's people we become

00:08:28.160 --> 00:08:31.360
Israel right by putting our faith in Jesus Christ

00:08:31.360 --> 00:08:35.200
and what he did. We are also new creations in

00:08:35.200 --> 00:08:38.929
Christ this is kind of like a pre you can kind

00:08:38.929 --> 00:08:42.389
of see like Ruth doing this putting her faith

00:08:42.389 --> 00:08:45.549
in the God of Israel she's being grafted in right

00:08:45.549 --> 00:08:50.330
this is kind of like a pre situation kind of

00:08:50.330 --> 00:08:53.149
like setting the stage almost when you look at

00:08:53.149 --> 00:08:57.480
it But this was this was Ruth making that choice

00:08:57.480 --> 00:09:00.980
of I'm going to follow you and when we go on

00:09:00.980 --> 00:09:03.440
we can see Naomi's kind of bitter All right,

00:09:03.539 --> 00:09:06.059
because you can already see from what we've read

00:09:06.059 --> 00:09:09.860
where she says like God has You know saying like

00:09:09.860 --> 00:09:11.960
it's clear that the Lord's hand is turned against

00:09:11.960 --> 00:09:15.059
me Well, it goes on here in verse 20 of chapter

00:09:15.059 --> 00:09:17.759
1 where Naomi is saying to the people who are

00:09:17.759 --> 00:09:19.580
greeting her saying Can this be Naomi? She's

00:09:19.580 --> 00:09:22.980
saying don't call me Naomi. Call me Mara for

00:09:22.980 --> 00:09:26.379
the almighty has made me very bitter i went away

00:09:26.379 --> 00:09:29.460
full but the lord has brought me back empty why

00:09:29.460 --> 00:09:32.039
do you call me naomi since the lord has opposed

00:09:32.039 --> 00:09:34.080
me and the almighty has afflicted me you see

00:09:34.080 --> 00:09:37.279
here that she has a lot of her bitterness and

00:09:37.279 --> 00:09:39.840
she's blaming god for a lot of suffering and

00:09:39.840 --> 00:09:42.480
we know that we live in the fallen world and

00:09:42.480 --> 00:09:45.360
that the source of like this pain and the suffering

00:09:45.360 --> 00:09:50.169
and this loss we we know not to blame god for

00:09:50.169 --> 00:09:52.889
that okay god is good and all -encompassing does

00:09:52.889 --> 00:09:55.570
he allow things to happen yes and we can't always

00:09:55.570 --> 00:09:59.690
explain and fully understand why he allows things

00:09:59.690 --> 00:10:01.990
to happen but we have to trust that god is going

00:10:01.990 --> 00:10:04.710
to use all things for our good but we can see

00:10:04.710 --> 00:10:08.210
here how naomi has some choice words and she's

00:10:08.210 --> 00:10:11.750
not exactly speaking positively of god you know

00:10:11.750 --> 00:10:16.210
she's actually very bitter and upset she's saying

00:10:16.210 --> 00:10:21.149
you know I went away. When I went out of this

00:10:21.149 --> 00:10:24.690
land, the land of Moab, I had everything. I had

00:10:24.690 --> 00:10:28.769
everything. I was full. But now I'm coming back

00:10:28.769 --> 00:10:33.149
to this space and I feel empty. I have had so

00:10:33.149 --> 00:10:34.990
much loss and so much suffering. I wonder if

00:10:34.990 --> 00:10:36.870
there's some embarrassment she's facing, you

00:10:36.870 --> 00:10:39.940
know, when she left. She had everything and now

00:10:39.940 --> 00:10:42.120
she's returning and the people who saw her appear

00:10:42.120 --> 00:10:43.759
to have everything when she left, when she's

00:10:43.759 --> 00:10:45.419
coming back, she looks like she has nothing.

00:10:45.519 --> 00:10:47.799
I wonder if there's an embarrassment there and

00:10:47.799 --> 00:10:49.679
if there's some bitterness coming out of that

00:10:49.679 --> 00:10:53.460
too, right? There can be a lot of different things,

00:10:53.480 --> 00:10:55.639
but she's feeling some type of way towards God.

00:10:56.179 --> 00:10:59.679
And what's interesting is we see throughout the

00:10:59.679 --> 00:11:05.470
book of Ruth, how Ruth's decision to Stay with

00:11:05.470 --> 00:11:08.250
Naomi and to commit herself to following God

00:11:08.250 --> 00:11:10.830
how that decision is blessed and that's blessed

00:11:10.830 --> 00:11:13.750
by Boaz, right? God is really moving through

00:11:13.750 --> 00:11:17.149
Boaz You know, she's provided for because Boaz

00:11:17.149 --> 00:11:20.009
is basically protecting her He's going out of

00:11:20.009 --> 00:11:21.870
his way to make sure that she has everything

00:11:21.870 --> 00:11:26.350
that she needs like God is Providing for her

00:11:26.350 --> 00:11:30.330
and using Boaz as a vessel So we see that Ruth's

00:11:30.330 --> 00:11:33.330
choice to follow God. He is very faithful towards

00:11:33.330 --> 00:11:36.679
her but we see that God is also faithful towards

00:11:36.679 --> 00:11:39.519
Naomi even after Naomi has all these things to

00:11:39.519 --> 00:11:42.860
say and this bitterness in her heart God uses

00:11:42.860 --> 00:11:46.059
Ruth to be a blessing to Naomi because all the

00:11:46.059 --> 00:11:49.379
things that Naomi is receiving through Boaz we

00:11:49.379 --> 00:11:51.899
can imagine her her Naomi living together is

00:11:51.899 --> 00:11:54.179
trickling down to Naomi right all the things

00:11:54.179 --> 00:11:56.980
that she's gleaning in the field she's bringing

00:11:56.980 --> 00:12:01.259
back she's Naomi is being taken care of by God

00:12:01.259 --> 00:12:05.200
through Ruth and through Boaz Even though Ruth

00:12:05.200 --> 00:12:08.460
had these moments of anger and even though Naomi

00:12:08.460 --> 00:12:11.480
had these moments of anger and bitterness God

00:12:11.480 --> 00:12:14.139
was still faithful and God still loved her and

00:12:14.139 --> 00:12:17.299
God was still showing grace Then this is now

00:12:17.299 --> 00:12:20.080
where I'm gonna transition into my personal testimony

00:12:20.080 --> 00:12:23.019
with y 'all because it was it wasn't very long

00:12:23.019 --> 00:12:26.600
ago I was honestly feeling some type of way towards

00:12:26.600 --> 00:12:31.059
God and I didn't think I was able to get to this

00:12:31.059 --> 00:12:36.379
point because honestly y 'all I, you know, I

00:12:36.379 --> 00:12:38.799
grew, y 'all know my background, grew up in the

00:12:38.799 --> 00:12:41.100
church, but I didn't give my life to Christ until

00:12:41.100 --> 00:12:47.620
September of 2024. It's now late October of 20

00:12:47.620 --> 00:12:51.519
- 25 it's been a little over a year and I have

00:12:51.519 --> 00:12:53.360
shared so many times about the amazing things

00:12:53.360 --> 00:12:55.759
It's clear that God has moved in my life. The

00:12:55.759 --> 00:12:58.659
hand of God has been evident. I have shared miracles

00:12:58.659 --> 00:13:01.899
I have shared so much growth. I cannot say that

00:13:01.899 --> 00:13:04.620
God has not done anything for me and that be

00:13:04.620 --> 00:13:08.259
truth The truth is as God has done miraculous

00:13:08.259 --> 00:13:11.379
things in my life and God has been so faithful

00:13:11.379 --> 00:13:16.679
And that God has kept many promises That is the

00:13:16.679 --> 00:13:21.919
truth And we know from reading the Word of God

00:13:21.919 --> 00:13:25.840
different promises. We know God's character when

00:13:25.840 --> 00:13:30.200
we read the Bible. That He's faithful. That He

00:13:30.200 --> 00:13:34.840
hears the righteous when they cry out. That though

00:13:34.840 --> 00:13:37.279
the righteous may fall, He picks them back up.

00:13:37.299 --> 00:13:40.019
We see time and time again examples of God's

00:13:40.019 --> 00:13:44.440
character. But sometimes we start believing lies

00:13:44.440 --> 00:13:47.220
of the enemy. And when we start believing lies

00:13:47.220 --> 00:13:53.500
of the enemy, we start to entertain thoughts

00:13:53.500 --> 00:14:01.460
and say things that just aren't true. And recently,

00:14:01.580 --> 00:14:05.960
y 'all, there have been a couple areas in my

00:14:05.960 --> 00:14:10.120
life that I wasn't very happy with. In all honesty,

00:14:10.240 --> 00:14:12.679
I started looking at these areas in my life and

00:14:12.679 --> 00:14:15.970
I'm like, Like I know you've done a lot for me

00:14:15.970 --> 00:14:18.570
already, but shouldn't we be further than where

00:14:18.570 --> 00:14:20.409
we're at right now? Like there are some areas

00:14:20.409 --> 00:14:23.730
in my life. I was like Haven't I been praying

00:14:23.730 --> 00:14:28.490
about this thing to be like improved and Y 'all

00:14:28.490 --> 00:14:30.590
when I'm in the headspace. I'm in right now and

00:14:30.590 --> 00:14:33.149
I'm looking at it I'm like this is drastically

00:14:33.149 --> 00:14:36.009
improved from three months ago And then from

00:14:36.009 --> 00:14:38.450
that six months ago way more improved like when

00:14:38.450 --> 00:14:41.110
I look at like there has been improvement But

00:14:41.110 --> 00:14:45.929
God has been taking it one step at a time slowly

00:14:45.929 --> 00:14:52.809
growing slowly developing and there were some

00:14:52.809 --> 00:14:56.009
areas where I was like there's just a part of

00:14:56.009 --> 00:14:59.129
me that was not satisfied where I was like God

00:14:59.129 --> 00:15:04.169
you've given me some big visions like When I

00:15:04.169 --> 00:15:06.590
look at what what those areas look like now,

00:15:06.629 --> 00:15:09.669
yes God has done exceedingly and abundantly But

00:15:09.669 --> 00:15:13.370
he has given me visions of so much more. It's

00:15:13.370 --> 00:15:16.769
like when you know that God Intends to do so

00:15:16.769 --> 00:15:19.529
much more or there is a capability of it growing

00:15:19.529 --> 00:15:22.379
into so much more That like you're looking at

00:15:22.379 --> 00:15:24.320
it and you're like, yeah, this is awesome And

00:15:24.320 --> 00:15:26.919
this is so much more than I used to have and

00:15:26.919 --> 00:15:29.860
this is an answered prayer But it's nowhere near

00:15:29.860 --> 00:15:33.120
what i'm expecting it to be one day And y 'all

00:15:33.120 --> 00:15:35.659
that started turning into a space of lack for

00:15:35.659 --> 00:15:38.399
me Or instead of like being grateful for just

00:15:38.399 --> 00:15:40.840
having that and being a good steward over it

00:15:40.840 --> 00:15:43.250
and delighting over it. I was like When are we

00:15:43.250 --> 00:15:47.250
gonna expand God? When is this gonna grow? When

00:15:47.250 --> 00:15:50.509
am I gonna have this promise? And I found myself

00:15:50.509 --> 00:15:53.389
starting it turned into when I tell y 'all an

00:15:53.389 --> 00:15:56.830
entire day of weeping like I was uncontrollably

00:15:56.830 --> 00:16:00.210
ugly crying like y 'all like I was ugly crying

00:16:00.210 --> 00:16:03.549
like my mascara was all down my neck like it

00:16:03.549 --> 00:16:11.220
was so bad and I since I've followed the Lord.

00:16:11.940 --> 00:16:14.559
Since I've committed my life to him last year,

00:16:14.820 --> 00:16:18.500
there is only I would say maybe two other instances

00:16:18.500 --> 00:16:21.179
that have come to mind when I have gotten to

00:16:21.179 --> 00:16:24.940
this point emotionally. And each time I'll say

00:16:24.940 --> 00:16:27.700
that like I have seen a move of God in my life.

00:16:28.299 --> 00:16:32.059
I have seen him like he has spoken to me. I have

00:16:32.059 --> 00:16:34.139
seen things I know that God has heard me when

00:16:34.139 --> 00:16:37.279
I was in these moments. And they're not moments

00:16:37.279 --> 00:16:42.110
like I'm proud of. but I knew that God heard

00:16:42.110 --> 00:16:48.370
me in these moments and I was just crying and

00:16:48.370 --> 00:16:52.129
Weeping and I started saying to God how much

00:16:52.129 --> 00:16:57.289
longer are you going to make me wait? I Have

00:16:57.289 --> 00:17:01.610
been waiting for some of these things years years

00:17:01.610 --> 00:17:06.829
Because although I started yet. I committed my

00:17:06.829 --> 00:17:10.980
life to God To submit my life to him last year.

00:17:11.259 --> 00:17:14.500
There were some things that I have been waiting

00:17:14.500 --> 00:17:22.420
since like 2020 2022 2023 When I it was before

00:17:22.420 --> 00:17:25.519
I got pushed in before I even got into like new

00:17:25.519 --> 00:17:28.960
age before that whole era Era started in my life,

00:17:29.059 --> 00:17:31.240
right? There were some things that I believed

00:17:31.240 --> 00:17:33.220
were gonna happen in my life. There were some

00:17:33.220 --> 00:17:37.220
things I believe and I started waiting on those

00:17:37.220 --> 00:17:41.579
things. There are some very big things that have

00:17:41.579 --> 00:17:45.079
yet to happen. And I started crying out to God

00:17:45.079 --> 00:17:48.799
where I'm like, God, I've been waiting so long.

00:17:50.380 --> 00:17:54.799
Where I'm like, how much longer? Because y 'all,

00:17:54.799 --> 00:17:57.960
there was a part of me that I was like, quit

00:17:57.960 --> 00:18:01.279
stirring up this desire for this thing in me,

00:18:01.279 --> 00:18:05.069
God, if I can't have it. like honestly y 'all

00:18:05.069 --> 00:18:07.609
that was what I was crying out to God there were

00:18:07.609 --> 00:18:10.190
some things that years ago I didn't desire for

00:18:10.190 --> 00:18:13.750
myself I didn't want for myself but then God

00:18:13.750 --> 00:18:16.990
started stirring up the desire for this thing

00:18:16.990 --> 00:18:21.569
in me and he started growing me as a person and

00:18:21.569 --> 00:18:24.369
preparing me to be a good steward over it he

00:18:24.369 --> 00:18:26.430
gave me the desire and he took me through the

00:18:26.430 --> 00:18:29.369
process and I started crying out to God where

00:18:29.369 --> 00:18:32.990
it's like You know, recently I felt him really

00:18:32.990 --> 00:18:35.150
speaking about these promises to me, saying like,

00:18:35.150 --> 00:18:37.650
hey, these are things I have in store for you.

00:18:38.859 --> 00:18:41.299
And I start saying but God you you told me that

00:18:41.299 --> 00:18:43.980
two months ago, too And you were telling me that

00:18:43.980 --> 00:18:46.779
four months ago and six months ago and eight

00:18:46.779 --> 00:18:49.640
months ago and a year ago and God I feel like

00:18:49.640 --> 00:18:52.599
you remind me of these things and you stir this

00:18:52.599 --> 00:18:55.599
desire in me and you get me ready for these things

00:18:55.599 --> 00:18:58.420
and I get so excited and then I'm waiting on

00:18:58.420 --> 00:19:01.440
you and I'm trying to be obedient and I'm looking

00:19:01.440 --> 00:19:05.059
out for what you want me to do and then it doesn't

00:19:05.059 --> 00:19:09.690
come and Then there's another lesson And then

00:19:09.690 --> 00:19:12.470
there's another period that I have to go through

00:19:12.470 --> 00:19:15.630
of growth and of all these things and like I

00:19:15.630 --> 00:19:17.470
started crying out to God where I was like take

00:19:17.470 --> 00:19:21.170
the desire away from me. I started saying if

00:19:21.170 --> 00:19:23.910
I can't have it take this desire away because

00:19:23.910 --> 00:19:29.680
it hurts so much to want this thing. Understand

00:19:29.680 --> 00:19:32.259
that like I can't do it myself. You're not telling

00:19:32.259 --> 00:19:35.059
me to do it myself You're you're giving me the

00:19:35.059 --> 00:19:37.140
vision you're placing the desire I mean, but

00:19:37.140 --> 00:19:39.240
I understand that it's not something that you

00:19:39.240 --> 00:19:43.559
are Calling me to seek myself or build for myself

00:19:43.559 --> 00:19:45.359
that in fact like seeking some of these things

00:19:45.359 --> 00:19:47.259
myself We're trying to do some these things myself

00:19:47.259 --> 00:19:50.079
is very much out of your will. I'm waiting on

00:19:50.079 --> 00:19:56.400
you God But I don't see it And that honestly

00:19:56.400 --> 00:20:00.160
y 'all was the root of where my discontentment

00:20:00.160 --> 00:20:03.940
was really at was I felt like God kept stirring

00:20:03.940 --> 00:20:06.819
up desires for promises in my heart and then

00:20:06.819 --> 00:20:09.319
I wasn't seeing these desires. I felt like my

00:20:09.319 --> 00:20:12.940
life was getting shaken up to test me so I can

00:20:12.940 --> 00:20:15.140
learn and be prepared and be a good steward,

00:20:15.240 --> 00:20:16.859
glory be to God. I don't want him to give me

00:20:16.859 --> 00:20:20.460
anything if I'm not prepared. But I was like,

00:20:20.500 --> 00:20:25.769
how much longer? Like how much longer? I started

00:20:25.769 --> 00:20:28.410
saying if it's not that I'm not ready if it's

00:20:28.410 --> 00:20:31.289
that person or that thing isn't ready remove

00:20:31.289 --> 00:20:35.109
the desire and I know God gave me a desire for

00:20:35.109 --> 00:20:37.490
the for a reason but y 'all that was what was

00:20:37.490 --> 00:20:41.930
going on in my head was I was like This is too

00:20:41.930 --> 00:20:44.730
painful to want something and then to be told

00:20:44.730 --> 00:20:48.009
But I'm not telling you to go find it or to go

00:20:48.009 --> 00:20:50.109
wait I'm just telling you to know that I plan

00:20:50.109 --> 00:20:55.400
on giving this to you one day to Prepare and

00:20:55.400 --> 00:20:57.480
to believe that I'm gonna do this in your life

00:20:57.480 --> 00:21:00.059
and the Lord has you know Showed me multiple

00:21:00.059 --> 00:21:02.819
times before that like he'll he'll reveal things

00:21:02.819 --> 00:21:05.799
to me and place a desire long before he intends

00:21:05.799 --> 00:21:08.259
to bring that up to kind of get you used to the

00:21:08.259 --> 00:21:11.259
idea and To get you to start preparing for that

00:21:11.259 --> 00:21:15.160
thing and to get you ready for that thing So

00:21:15.160 --> 00:21:17.859
like it's like I get his problem. I get the process

00:21:17.859 --> 00:21:22.839
and it makes sense But it's painful and it turned

00:21:22.839 --> 00:21:25.039
into y 'all honestly me crying and saying god

00:21:25.039 --> 00:21:28.660
have i not done i know i'm not perfect but have

00:21:28.660 --> 00:21:32.119
i not done all the things that you've called

00:21:32.119 --> 00:21:35.700
me to do like there are some painful things there

00:21:35.700 --> 00:21:37.380
are things you've called me to let go of that

00:21:37.380 --> 00:21:40.799
i didn't want to let go of and i did there are

00:21:40.799 --> 00:21:42.940
things that you have called me to say no to when

00:21:42.940 --> 00:21:46.380
i didn't want to say no and i said no there are

00:21:46.380 --> 00:21:50.940
things that i I waited on when I started saying

00:21:50.940 --> 00:21:53.039
this out loud to God, and I'm not proud of this,

00:21:53.140 --> 00:21:55.240
y 'all. But I know that there are other people

00:21:55.240 --> 00:21:57.700
thinking this and feeling this, and need to hear

00:21:57.700 --> 00:22:01.420
that there are other people who love God. And

00:22:01.420 --> 00:22:05.559
not to toot my own horn, y 'all, but I believe

00:22:05.559 --> 00:22:07.779
I have been pretty faithful up until this point

00:22:07.779 --> 00:22:09.859
with following God once I surrendered my life

00:22:09.859 --> 00:22:14.980
to him. And I'm telling y 'all that I even hit

00:22:14.980 --> 00:22:18.440
this point. As a way to say that there are so

00:22:18.440 --> 00:22:19.980
many other people out there right now that may

00:22:19.980 --> 00:22:24.460
be hitting this point in their walk with Christ

00:22:24.460 --> 00:22:28.480
and telling you all that how you react and If

00:22:28.480 --> 00:22:30.759
you choose to go to God or not is so important.

00:22:31.440 --> 00:22:34.079
So There's so many people I know they're hitting

00:22:34.079 --> 00:22:36.200
this point that may just be embarrassed to confess

00:22:36.200 --> 00:22:38.529
it out loud or to say it out loud or may feel

00:22:38.529 --> 00:22:40.589
like they're the only person. I'm saying this

00:22:40.589 --> 00:22:42.329
out loud today so you know that you're not the

00:22:42.329 --> 00:22:44.970
only person, okay? I started saying to God, I

00:22:44.970 --> 00:22:47.470
was like, God, you realize I don't have to wait.

00:22:48.849 --> 00:22:51.569
And again, y 'all, I'm not proud of saying this

00:22:51.569 --> 00:22:54.390
because I know that these thoughts weren't from

00:22:54.390 --> 00:22:58.009
God. Because I know the fruits of the spirit

00:22:58.009 --> 00:23:01.049
are patience, are self -control, that we are

00:23:01.049 --> 00:23:04.950
supposed to wait on God. Jesus is the vine, the

00:23:04.950 --> 00:23:06.970
father, the vine dresser. We are not supposed

00:23:06.970 --> 00:23:09.950
to do anything apart from him. That is scriptural,

00:23:10.390 --> 00:23:13.569
okay? But I started saying, I was like, some

00:23:13.569 --> 00:23:16.049
of these things, God, that I'm waiting on, I

00:23:16.049 --> 00:23:20.430
have had so many opportunities to not wait. You

00:23:20.430 --> 00:23:22.109
know, to give you all an example, with a husband,

00:23:22.170 --> 00:23:27.109
I'm waiting for my godly, but I have had a lot

00:23:27.109 --> 00:23:31.430
of people in the DMs. I have had a lot of opportunities.

00:23:31.900 --> 00:23:34.339
to step out I have had a lot of people from my

00:23:34.339 --> 00:23:37.599
past where I'm like god I don't have to be single

00:23:37.599 --> 00:23:42.619
I don't have to be like I could pick up I could

00:23:42.619 --> 00:23:45.920
say yes to these dates I could respond to these

00:23:45.920 --> 00:23:49.299
dms I could be doing but I'm not because I know

00:23:49.299 --> 00:23:52.859
this isn't the person that's for me like I know

00:23:52.859 --> 00:23:55.660
that these past opportunities isn't who you have

00:23:55.660 --> 00:23:58.480
for me which is why I said no is because I know

00:23:58.480 --> 00:24:00.829
that you don't you have told me to say no i have

00:24:00.829 --> 00:24:03.109
said no out of obedience but i started saying

00:24:03.109 --> 00:24:10.049
like i don't have to like i don't have to be

00:24:10.049 --> 00:24:12.809
waiting like this i started saying with some

00:24:12.809 --> 00:24:15.009
of the other things where i've i've been waiting

00:24:15.009 --> 00:24:17.829
on god to open up the door instead of me trying

00:24:17.829 --> 00:24:22.569
i started saying i don't have to but i'm going

00:24:22.569 --> 00:24:25.190
to tell y 'all what that translates to in all

00:24:25.190 --> 00:24:28.920
honesty i don't have to be obedient I can choose

00:24:28.920 --> 00:24:31.700
to disobey. That was actually what I was saying.

00:24:34.039 --> 00:24:37.140
I was saying that I was upset with the current

00:24:37.140 --> 00:24:42.920
outcome of my obedience to God. And I was saying,

00:24:43.299 --> 00:24:47.339
I don't have to obey you God. I could step out

00:24:47.339 --> 00:24:50.859
and create something for myself. That was what

00:24:50.859 --> 00:24:54.660
I was actually saying in my anger. and I felt

00:24:54.660 --> 00:24:57.180
justified in my anger but when I looked back

00:24:57.180 --> 00:24:59.339
at later I was like all I was really saying was

00:24:59.339 --> 00:25:01.900
I'm obeying you God and I don't have to obey

00:25:01.900 --> 00:25:06.480
you I could go sideways I could break out and

00:25:06.480 --> 00:25:10.200
do what I want to do and like I said y 'all I'm

00:25:10.200 --> 00:25:12.880
not proud of that because that's not righteous

00:25:12.880 --> 00:25:18.019
okay that's not Christ -like that is not the

00:25:18.019 --> 00:25:22.980
mentality that you want to walk in But I know

00:25:22.980 --> 00:25:24.579
that there are a lot of other people out there

00:25:24.579 --> 00:25:26.339
and I want to tell y 'all what was kind of interesting

00:25:26.339 --> 00:25:28.799
of what triggered This is I I was already having

00:25:28.799 --> 00:25:31.420
these black feelings, but what started was I

00:25:31.420 --> 00:25:35.160
went out shopping for a couple things in all

00:25:35.160 --> 00:25:38.619
honesty Now a couple of those things were justified

00:25:38.619 --> 00:25:40.240
I was gonna need those things soon, but there

00:25:40.240 --> 00:25:41.519
were some other things I bought that I didn't

00:25:41.519 --> 00:25:44.660
need to buy And I kind of felt like I was just

00:25:44.660 --> 00:25:46.720
spending money to spend money and I didn't need

00:25:46.720 --> 00:25:48.279
to be doing that and I felt kind of convicted

00:25:48.279 --> 00:25:50.740
with that and when I got home I realized I left

00:25:50.740 --> 00:25:53.200
one of those bags behind at the store and you

00:25:53.200 --> 00:25:54.960
know how like you're already feeling a lot of

00:25:54.960 --> 00:25:57.759
emotions and it's just one inconvenient thing

00:25:57.759 --> 00:26:02.500
happens that just causes these emotions to overflow

00:26:02.500 --> 00:26:06.079
that was my trigger I started crying where I

00:26:06.079 --> 00:26:08.519
was like I went all the way to the store and

00:26:08.519 --> 00:26:11.440
got those things and got back and like I left

00:26:11.440 --> 00:26:15.839
the bag there And I was telling myself, I'm not

00:26:15.839 --> 00:26:17.980
going to go back there and get it. And then later

00:26:17.980 --> 00:26:22.680
on, when I realized that one, because at first

00:26:22.680 --> 00:26:24.319
I was saying, well, it was a thing I didn't actually

00:26:24.319 --> 00:26:27.519
need in that bag and it was only $5. So it's

00:26:27.519 --> 00:26:29.640
not worth it. And then I started realizing one

00:26:29.640 --> 00:26:34.140
of the things I actually needed was in that bag

00:26:34.140 --> 00:26:36.000
I left behind the store. So yeah, I do have to

00:26:36.000 --> 00:26:38.299
drive back and get it. And I did drive back and

00:26:38.299 --> 00:26:41.299
get it. but that was actually what started it

00:26:41.299 --> 00:26:44.099
what started the whole um was something that

00:26:44.099 --> 00:26:46.799
I felt convicted about and it felt like something

00:26:46.799 --> 00:26:48.819
so small and that's where I started crying out

00:26:48.819 --> 00:26:54.119
to God where I was like well it's what started

00:26:54.119 --> 00:26:56.819
the whole spiral was me feeling convicted because

00:26:56.819 --> 00:26:58.559
I kind of felt like I stepped a little bit out

00:26:58.559 --> 00:27:00.660
of obedience of what God was calling me to do

00:27:00.660 --> 00:27:02.940
in that time period so at the root of it was

00:27:02.940 --> 00:27:07.059
I was dissatisfied because I felt like God wasn't

00:27:07.059 --> 00:27:09.200
fulfilling the promises on the timeline that

00:27:09.200 --> 00:27:12.880
I set in my mind. In my mind, these promises

00:27:12.880 --> 00:27:15.039
should have been delivered on now. In my mind,

00:27:15.039 --> 00:27:17.980
if I did all these steps of obedience, I would

00:27:17.980 --> 00:27:24.099
have everything already. So like I was I was

00:27:24.099 --> 00:27:27.660
putting God on a timeline and I was making his

00:27:27.660 --> 00:27:30.180
promises dependent on whether or not I fulfilled

00:27:30.180 --> 00:27:35.400
in these areas of obedience. I was making it

00:27:35.400 --> 00:27:41.079
workspaced. And yes, we do need to walk in obedience

00:27:41.079 --> 00:27:43.200
to see some blessings from the Lord. There are

00:27:43.200 --> 00:27:44.619
some things where he's like, hey, if you're not

00:27:44.619 --> 00:27:46.259
being obedient to me, how can I bless you with

00:27:46.259 --> 00:27:50.299
this? But the Lord has really revealed to me

00:27:50.299 --> 00:27:53.839
that in my mind, I started to make these promises

00:27:53.839 --> 00:27:56.940
just very well. The second I complete these,

00:27:57.140 --> 00:27:59.740
God has a specific list of obedience tasks. And

00:27:59.740 --> 00:28:01.519
once I complete these, it's just gonna be here.

00:28:01.710 --> 00:28:05.849
And it's God just waiting on my obedience. And

00:28:05.849 --> 00:28:08.829
He's been revealing to me, like, I never gave

00:28:08.829 --> 00:28:14.490
that. That wasn't the plan. Like, I'm not on

00:28:14.490 --> 00:28:16.589
your timeline. Like, I feel like God is really

00:28:16.589 --> 00:28:20.150
telling me, like, I will deliver in my timing.

00:28:20.910 --> 00:28:22.990
Maybe things aren't ready yet. Maybe you're not

00:28:22.990 --> 00:28:24.910
ready yet. Maybe there are other things being

00:28:24.910 --> 00:28:32.079
lined up. And I... yesterday was just getting

00:28:32.079 --> 00:28:35.900
more and more bitter y 'all and I was just crying

00:28:35.900 --> 00:28:38.420
and crying and crying and I started saying out

00:28:38.420 --> 00:28:41.019
loud I don't want to read my Bible I don't want

00:28:41.019 --> 00:28:42.880
to pray I know I'm supposed to pray right now

00:28:42.880 --> 00:28:44.539
I know this is the time I'm supposed to be going

00:28:44.539 --> 00:28:46.420
near and I was still talking out loud to God

00:28:46.420 --> 00:28:50.359
I was like but I don't want to I don't want to

00:28:50.359 --> 00:28:52.200
hear any more of your promises I don't want to

00:28:52.200 --> 00:28:54.500
hear how good you are I know you're good and

00:28:54.500 --> 00:28:57.900
I know that your goodness isn't dependent on

00:28:57.900 --> 00:29:00.180
how I feel and what my life looks like I know

00:29:00.180 --> 00:29:02.079
no matter what you're good I was saying all these

00:29:02.079 --> 00:29:04.339
truths out loud I was like but it's hard for

00:29:04.339 --> 00:29:11.769
me to believe them and I remember I was scrolling

00:29:11.769 --> 00:29:15.230
on I started just scrolling to distract myself

00:29:15.230 --> 00:29:17.789
and that this time I started recognizing I was

00:29:17.789 --> 00:29:20.329
like okay these are not thoughts from God coming

00:29:20.329 --> 00:29:23.130
at me because I've shared with you all my sobriety

00:29:23.130 --> 00:29:25.730
convictions before I started having thoughts

00:29:25.730 --> 00:29:28.670
of like because in the past when I would get

00:29:28.670 --> 00:29:30.230
so emotionally overwhelmed and couldn't stop

00:29:30.230 --> 00:29:32.349
crying that was when I would just want a glass

00:29:32.349 --> 00:29:34.670
of wine and that's where my mind started going

00:29:34.670 --> 00:29:36.769
is like maybe I just need a glass of wine like

00:29:36.769 --> 00:29:41.759
let's just I just dissociate, detach. And I immediately

00:29:41.759 --> 00:29:44.019
caught it. And I was like, that's not a from

00:29:44.019 --> 00:29:47.619
God thought. Because I have major sobriety convictions.

00:29:48.500 --> 00:29:51.400
And I up until this point have not had that temptation.

00:29:51.839 --> 00:29:54.099
So I know that what's going on right now isn't

00:29:54.099 --> 00:29:57.539
a from God. This is a spiritual warfare situation.

00:29:58.720 --> 00:30:01.900
This is an attack on my faith. This is me believing

00:30:01.900 --> 00:30:05.220
lies of the enemy. And it started kind of pulling

00:30:05.220 --> 00:30:08.380
me back, right? And then I was scrolling on TikTok

00:30:08.380 --> 00:30:10.559
just trying to like get my mind off of things

00:30:10.559 --> 00:30:14.400
and there is a video of the sermon and this guy

00:30:14.400 --> 00:30:16.920
it started off with saying you're dangerously

00:30:16.920 --> 00:30:19.579
close to turning your back on God right now.

00:30:20.500 --> 00:30:24.619
And I immediately paused it and that was like

00:30:24.619 --> 00:30:29.980
an overwhelming in me of just recognizing I'm

00:30:29.980 --> 00:30:32.900
at a pivotal point in my walk with Christ right

00:30:32.900 --> 00:30:38.170
now. I'm in all of these emotions. Where am I

00:30:38.170 --> 00:30:44.190
about to go? Am I going to turn to God and put

00:30:44.190 --> 00:30:49.950
my faith in God? Or am I going to listen to the

00:30:49.950 --> 00:30:52.970
temptations and turn away? I've already seen

00:30:52.970 --> 00:30:55.349
what life looks like when I walk in disobedience

00:30:55.349 --> 00:30:56.990
to the Lord. I've already seen what life looks

00:30:56.990 --> 00:30:59.150
like. I've shared that testimony lots of times

00:30:59.150 --> 00:31:03.000
when I turned away from God. I have seen. How

00:31:03.000 --> 00:31:05.000
sad and unfortunate life is when you feel like

00:31:05.000 --> 00:31:06.819
God's hand has been removed from your life I

00:31:06.819 --> 00:31:09.359
don't I can't even imagine what eternal separation

00:31:09.359 --> 00:31:16.519
hell feels like And I Recognized oh my gosh like

00:31:16.519 --> 00:31:19.279
that. This is the pivotal moment. Do I turn to

00:31:19.279 --> 00:31:25.180
God? Or do I return to my old idols because that's

00:31:25.180 --> 00:31:27.140
when I started looking I was like I all of a

00:31:27.140 --> 00:31:28.799
sudden I had thoughts in my head of turning back

00:31:28.799 --> 00:31:31.319
to drinking I thoughts of turning back to doom

00:31:31.319 --> 00:31:34.170
scrolling I had thoughts of going back to the

00:31:34.170 --> 00:31:37.750
dating apps and finding the husband myself, doing

00:31:37.750 --> 00:31:40.410
all these, and I started thinking, oh my gosh,

00:31:41.049 --> 00:31:43.029
I'm having all these temptations to go back to

00:31:43.029 --> 00:31:46.309
my old, in quotation marks, gods, my old idols,

00:31:46.509 --> 00:31:49.170
to walk away from serving the god that I have

00:31:49.170 --> 00:31:52.190
been serving and go back to serving myself, go

00:31:52.190 --> 00:31:54.690
back to serving these gods, go back to serving

00:31:54.690 --> 00:31:58.690
these idols. I have a choice right now. Like

00:31:58.690 --> 00:32:00.670
what choice am I gonna make and I'm not saying

00:32:00.670 --> 00:32:02.690
y 'all that instantly I was like and like an

00:32:02.690 --> 00:32:05.829
I'm on fire for God in the best mood ever but

00:32:05.829 --> 00:32:09.430
I was kind of pulled out of a funk and I started

00:32:09.430 --> 00:32:11.750
getting back. I started reading my Bible. I started

00:32:11.750 --> 00:32:15.569
reading the book of Ruth and That was where I

00:32:15.569 --> 00:32:18.869
was led and I was able to make those connections

00:32:18.869 --> 00:32:21.089
of and I kind of felt relatable to Ruth in that

00:32:21.089 --> 00:32:24.089
moment right of like Ruth made that decision

00:32:24.089 --> 00:32:29.029
to Follow she was told by Naomi you have no hope

00:32:29.029 --> 00:32:32.250
here like there is no life for you here go back

00:32:32.250 --> 00:32:34.630
to your old situation and y 'all that was kind

00:32:34.630 --> 00:32:36.670
of what the lies from the enemy were telling

00:32:36.670 --> 00:32:39.369
me was you've been waiting this long and you

00:32:39.369 --> 00:32:42.230
still haven't seen these promises you've been

00:32:42.230 --> 00:32:44.009
waiting for a long time you've been faithful

00:32:44.009 --> 00:32:48.869
for a long time and like you could have it if

00:32:48.869 --> 00:32:51.630
you go back to your old methods if you go back

00:32:51.630 --> 00:32:56.250
to your old And I had to make that choice of,

00:32:56.490 --> 00:32:58.849
no, I'm going to continue to pray. I'm going

00:32:58.849 --> 00:33:01.349
to continue to seek God. And I'm going to continue

00:33:01.349 --> 00:33:02.950
to put my faith in Him. I'm going to continue

00:33:02.950 --> 00:33:05.250
to put my faith in His promises. And I'll tell

00:33:05.250 --> 00:33:08.910
you all that I actually saw some blessings from

00:33:08.910 --> 00:33:14.400
God pretty soon after. Like I saw him move in

00:33:14.400 --> 00:33:17.180
some pretty awesome ways and when I went back

00:33:17.180 --> 00:33:19.480
to that store Just a side note y 'all to get

00:33:19.480 --> 00:33:23.000
that bag The same cashier was still at the cash

00:33:23.000 --> 00:33:25.240
register and my bag was sitting with a pretty

00:33:25.240 --> 00:33:27.519
little Post -it note on it that that was mine

00:33:27.519 --> 00:33:29.519
just right there on the desk waiting for me to

00:33:29.519 --> 00:33:32.460
come back and get it and It had all my items

00:33:32.460 --> 00:33:34.180
and I was prepared to have to show my receipt

00:33:34.180 --> 00:33:36.480
and everything But no she remembered me and everything

00:33:36.480 --> 00:33:38.299
when I got back in the car remember saying the

00:33:38.299 --> 00:33:41.630
God I was like God I know this to me this is

00:33:41.630 --> 00:33:43.529
just the fact that it was just sitting up there

00:33:43.529 --> 00:33:45.609
and she was smiling and recognized me and here

00:33:45.609 --> 00:33:48.849
you go and I was preparing for having to like

00:33:48.849 --> 00:33:52.210
show my receipt and explain everything and the

00:33:52.210 --> 00:33:56.130
fact that like I was like God thank you I was

00:33:56.130 --> 00:33:58.009
just like thank you I know it doesn't look like

00:33:58.009 --> 00:34:00.269
a big deal to other people but to me I just kind

00:34:00.269 --> 00:34:02.869
of saw your hand in that situation of how it

00:34:02.869 --> 00:34:05.670
was just sitting there ready for me to go and

00:34:05.670 --> 00:34:08.900
that translates for me a little bit over to the

00:34:08.900 --> 00:34:11.099
grace and the faithfulness that he showed Naomi

00:34:11.099 --> 00:34:13.000
because as I said y 'all I end up seeing some

00:34:13.000 --> 00:34:18.119
real blessings from God later in that day after

00:34:18.119 --> 00:34:20.980
you know I was repenting to God and asking for

00:34:20.980 --> 00:34:22.840
forgiveness and I've spent some definite time

00:34:22.840 --> 00:34:26.860
doing that and I saw that he was still faithful

00:34:26.860 --> 00:34:31.360
to me I was like dang God even right after that

00:34:31.360 --> 00:34:34.630
whole situation You're giving me some of these

00:34:34.630 --> 00:34:37.750
these were amazing blessings community blessings

00:34:37.750 --> 00:34:42.110
God expanded my community a Christian community

00:34:42.110 --> 00:34:45.909
is wonderful And I was like, yeah, thank you

00:34:45.909 --> 00:34:48.969
Lord is actually y 'all what's interesting is

00:34:48.969 --> 00:34:51.550
I feel like and I'll share an update with you

00:34:51.550 --> 00:34:53.469
later on I know that God's gonna use this to

00:34:53.469 --> 00:34:56.369
do more things in my life. Amen Because there

00:34:56.369 --> 00:34:58.010
are some more things that he was working on kind

00:34:58.010 --> 00:35:00.789
of rewiring in me and healing in me recently,

00:35:00.789 --> 00:35:04.409
you know, I've been working on just a thing of

00:35:04.409 --> 00:35:08.510
like overcoming fear, overcoming fear of imperfection

00:35:08.510 --> 00:35:10.690
and overcoming fear of displeasing God and I've

00:35:10.690 --> 00:35:12.110
shared with you all many times over that God

00:35:12.110 --> 00:35:14.889
usually exposure therapies me and this was probably

00:35:14.889 --> 00:35:17.650
one of the most extreme forms of like imperfection

00:35:17.650 --> 00:35:20.449
I've had in a while of you know feeling like

00:35:20.449 --> 00:35:23.269
I've been so good in my faith and like praying

00:35:23.269 --> 00:35:25.130
to God and taking things to God and then all

00:35:25.130 --> 00:35:27.590
of a sudden I have this bitterness and this anger

00:35:27.590 --> 00:35:32.260
and I'm saying these things to God um having

00:35:32.260 --> 00:35:37.199
these thoughts and I see his grace and his mercy

00:35:37.199 --> 00:35:39.860
and his love and his faithfulness shown to me

00:35:39.860 --> 00:35:43.340
is actually kind of helping me overcome my fear

00:35:43.340 --> 00:35:46.179
of imperfection and helping me to see how God

00:35:46.179 --> 00:35:49.679
is loving and he is faithful and he is graceful

00:35:49.679 --> 00:35:52.219
and he is forgiving and I was actually reading

00:35:52.219 --> 00:35:54.460
some scripture this morning in regards to like

00:35:54.460 --> 00:35:56.219
repenting it was in Psalm I believe it was Psalm

00:35:56.219 --> 00:36:00.750
32 I read on TikTok today which was um just about

00:36:00.750 --> 00:36:02.989
asking God for forgiveness and how he forgives

00:36:02.989 --> 00:36:06.210
his people and I really need to hear that and

00:36:06.210 --> 00:36:08.610
you know that I want to speak that to you today

00:36:08.610 --> 00:36:10.690
that when you repent and when you cry out to

00:36:10.690 --> 00:36:13.010
God and ask him for forgiveness he forgives you

00:36:13.010 --> 00:36:16.670
y 'all it was the same day that I saw him bless

00:36:16.670 --> 00:36:19.289
me and move in my life and I really honestly

00:36:19.289 --> 00:36:23.699
needed to see that I've been praying to God recently

00:36:23.699 --> 00:36:26.880
of God, let me see your grace. Let me see your

00:36:26.880 --> 00:36:29.760
love. Let me see your hand in my life. And that

00:36:29.760 --> 00:36:33.480
was, I think, the way God knows how we need to

00:36:33.480 --> 00:36:37.280
see Him. And I needed to see His forgiving side.

00:36:37.900 --> 00:36:39.980
And I feel like I needed to go through that experience

00:36:39.980 --> 00:36:43.440
of being forgiven again and seeing love in a

00:36:43.440 --> 00:36:45.699
time when maybe I didn't deserve all the love

00:36:45.699 --> 00:36:48.480
and the grace that He's shown me. just keep in

00:36:48.480 --> 00:36:50.559
mind y 'all he didn't i didn't have to go through

00:36:50.559 --> 00:36:53.019
and do all these reparations and everything for

00:36:53.019 --> 00:36:55.980
him to bless me first i literally just recognized

00:36:55.980 --> 00:37:01.159
and repented and like i saw his hand in my life

00:37:01.159 --> 00:37:04.519
immediately and it wasn't even like a big huge

00:37:04.519 --> 00:37:06.960
prayer sitting down repenting like i end up i

00:37:06.960 --> 00:37:09.079
prayed about it more later on it was more of

00:37:09.079 --> 00:37:12.159
a just like oh gosh i was wrong and i i started

00:37:12.159 --> 00:37:14.960
just kind of getting in my bible again and my

00:37:14.960 --> 00:37:20.369
heart placement kind of shifting And God was

00:37:20.369 --> 00:37:22.789
ready with open arms. It reminds me of the prodigal

00:37:22.789 --> 00:37:27.630
son. Ready for you to come home. I was only drifting

00:37:27.630 --> 00:37:29.730
away for a couple hours, but man, those were

00:37:29.730 --> 00:37:35.989
some heavy hours. And I hope this helps you today

00:37:35.989 --> 00:37:39.309
listening to this. Because like I said, y 'all

00:37:39.309 --> 00:37:42.650
have seen my walk. Especially here on the podcast,

00:37:42.909 --> 00:37:45.889
I'm glorifying God. I'm talking about... all

00:37:45.889 --> 00:37:48.289
these things he's done in my life. And yet when

00:37:48.289 --> 00:37:53.570
I was in that bad head space, I started believing

00:37:53.570 --> 00:37:56.730
the lies of the enemy. And I started saying some

00:37:56.730 --> 00:38:03.570
things to God that I know aren't true. But he

00:38:03.570 --> 00:38:05.610
still showed me mercy. He still showed me forgiveness.

00:38:05.809 --> 00:38:07.530
And he's still allowing me to speak to y 'all

00:38:07.530 --> 00:38:11.050
today. Amen. He's still allowing me to record

00:38:11.050 --> 00:38:14.070
this podcast episode today. Glory be to God.

00:38:14.389 --> 00:38:18.199
Amen. and not that I'm deserving, not that I'm

00:38:18.199 --> 00:38:22.940
worthy, that glory be to God. You know, recently

00:38:22.940 --> 00:38:24.780
I've been seeing everywhere, people have been

00:38:24.780 --> 00:38:27.159
saying it in conversation, there's been so many

00:38:27.159 --> 00:38:30.039
things of God gives and God can take away. Just

00:38:30.039 --> 00:38:31.699
as quickly as he gives, he can take it away,

00:38:31.719 --> 00:38:33.860
and I feel like I had that underlying fear a

00:38:33.860 --> 00:38:36.659
lot recently of like if I take a foot out of

00:38:36.659 --> 00:38:39.280
line, God's gonna rip it all away. And even though

00:38:39.280 --> 00:38:42.139
like I know that's not what he's doing, that's

00:38:42.139 --> 00:38:44.900
what the fear says to me. And I feel like I really

00:38:44.900 --> 00:38:48.099
needed this with God today, or recently, y 'all.

00:38:48.199 --> 00:38:50.679
It wasn't today that it happened, but it was

00:38:50.679 --> 00:38:53.900
very recent. Whereas like I kind of needed that

00:38:53.900 --> 00:38:57.599
moment of I've been walking with God, and I took

00:38:57.599 --> 00:39:03.159
a foot out of line, a big step. And He didn't

00:39:03.159 --> 00:39:08.000
rip it all away. He didn't condemn me. He forgave

00:39:08.000 --> 00:39:14.250
me. And He showed me love and faithfulness. And

00:39:14.250 --> 00:39:18.349
he still showed me blessing. I've talked to you

00:39:18.349 --> 00:39:20.969
all before about my exposure therapy when it

00:39:20.969 --> 00:39:23.389
comes to how God heals things in me and I feel

00:39:23.389 --> 00:39:25.170
like this was an exposure therapy moment that

00:39:25.170 --> 00:39:28.309
was very much needed. And I thank God for it.

00:39:28.869 --> 00:39:32.130
I know I'll be stronger for it. And I know there's

00:39:32.130 --> 00:39:34.030
even more that there's gonna be for me to reflect

00:39:34.030 --> 00:39:37.630
on and take out of this. And I pray that this

00:39:37.630 --> 00:39:39.650
helps you all today. And I do encourage you,

00:39:39.710 --> 00:39:42.329
go read. the book of ruth there's not many chapters

00:39:42.329 --> 00:39:45.929
it's a pretty short book it's a really good book

00:39:45.929 --> 00:39:49.730
i remember that god's word is a living word so

00:39:49.730 --> 00:39:51.550
every time you read it there's going to be something

00:39:51.550 --> 00:39:53.789
new that stands out just like how i told you

00:39:53.789 --> 00:39:55.730
the past couple times when i was reading the

00:39:55.730 --> 00:39:57.289
book of ruth i always focused more on ruth and

00:39:57.289 --> 00:40:02.809
boaz and her you know Just doing what she's needing

00:40:02.809 --> 00:40:05.130
to do and taking one step at a time and allowing

00:40:05.130 --> 00:40:07.510
God to align things and place you where you need

00:40:07.510 --> 00:40:09.309
to be and that was what I always took out of

00:40:09.309 --> 00:40:11.710
it and this time I'm reading it and I'm throwing

00:40:11.710 --> 00:40:13.510
that stuff to the wayside instead I'm paying

00:40:13.510 --> 00:40:18.190
attention to how she chose to follow God when

00:40:18.190 --> 00:40:22.250
given the opportunity to walk away and that's

00:40:22.250 --> 00:40:24.190
what stood out to me this time and this was y

00:40:24.190 --> 00:40:26.349
'all I felt a little bit like Ruth once I started

00:40:26.349 --> 00:40:29.880
reading that I was like dang Naomi was saying,

00:40:30.219 --> 00:40:33.440
you have nothing here, go back. I was getting

00:40:33.440 --> 00:40:37.820
the same whispers. And this is my encouragement

00:40:37.820 --> 00:40:41.079
to y 'all today. Make the choice to follow God

00:40:41.079 --> 00:40:45.239
anyway. You know the truth of God. You know who

00:40:45.239 --> 00:40:48.179
God is, what his character is, you know his promises.

00:40:48.820 --> 00:40:51.000
Don't let what your circumstances look like or

00:40:51.000 --> 00:40:52.900
what you're feeling in the moment be taken as

00:40:52.900 --> 00:40:55.320
truth. Our feelings are not true. Should we pay

00:40:55.320 --> 00:40:57.690
attention to our feelings? Like... Reflect on

00:40:57.690 --> 00:40:59.469
them and look at hey, where are these coming

00:40:59.469 --> 00:41:02.809
from? Sure. That's a good thing to do But we

00:41:02.809 --> 00:41:05.030
should not take our feelings as truth. We shouldn't

00:41:05.030 --> 00:41:07.289
take our fears as truth. We shouldn't take our

00:41:07.289 --> 00:41:13.769
anxieties as truth Faith isn't certainty Okay,

00:41:13.769 --> 00:41:15.610
when you're walking by faith, you're not walking

00:41:15.610 --> 00:41:17.929
by certainty and saying well everything around

00:41:17.929 --> 00:41:22.969
me looks like what God says So that's no Faith

00:41:22.969 --> 00:41:25.900
is believing but not seeing it It's trusting

00:41:25.900 --> 00:41:28.219
in what God says even if your surroundings don't

00:41:28.219 --> 00:41:30.519
look like it. Okay? And I'm gonna tell y 'all

00:41:30.519 --> 00:41:32.519
right now, my surroundings don't always look

00:41:32.519 --> 00:41:36.000
like the promises of God. But I can tell you

00:41:36.000 --> 00:41:39.360
right now that every time my surroundings have

00:41:39.360 --> 00:41:43.500
not looked like what he said, they turned into

00:41:43.500 --> 00:41:47.639
what he said. Okay? I can tell y 'all right now

00:41:47.639 --> 00:41:51.059
that the leading up to God delivering on a breakthrough,

00:41:51.099 --> 00:41:54.409
delivering on a blessing, it sometimes actually

00:41:54.409 --> 00:41:58.329
looks the opposite. If y 'all remember that testimony

00:41:58.329 --> 00:42:01.269
I've shared with you before of how I had financial

00:42:01.269 --> 00:42:04.190
breakthrough that moved me back from California

00:42:04.190 --> 00:42:07.309
back to Indiana, the weeks leading up to that,

00:42:07.389 --> 00:42:09.829
the months leading up to that did not look like

00:42:09.829 --> 00:42:11.690
I was about to seek God's hand over my life.

00:42:11.989 --> 00:42:14.050
If anything, it looked like a lot of things were

00:42:14.050 --> 00:42:15.989
being removed. It looked like I was having to

00:42:15.989 --> 00:42:18.090
surrender a lot of things. A lot of things were

00:42:18.090 --> 00:42:21.159
being shaken up. And if I put faith in what my

00:42:21.159 --> 00:42:25.000
surroundings looked like over what God said,

00:42:27.079 --> 00:42:30.059
I wouldn't have had a lot of faith, okay? But

00:42:30.059 --> 00:42:34.699
God opened up doors out of nowhere. I had no

00:42:34.699 --> 00:42:38.300
idea that he was coming in the way that he was

00:42:38.300 --> 00:42:41.400
gonna come in, okay? So I'm telling y 'all right

00:42:41.400 --> 00:42:44.380
now, walking by faith isn't walking by certainty.

00:42:44.840 --> 00:42:48.139
Walking by faith is not walking by sight walking

00:42:48.139 --> 00:42:51.139
by faith is trusting in the word of the Lord

00:42:51.139 --> 00:42:55.820
over what your surroundings say Now I'm gonna

00:42:55.820 --> 00:43:00.320
end the podcast here and I pray that y 'all have

00:43:00.320 --> 00:43:03.949
a wonderful week and that this episode has blessed

00:43:03.949 --> 00:43:06.670
you and helped you in some way and I do ask that

00:43:06.670 --> 00:43:09.010
you hit the subscribe button wherever it is you're

00:43:09.010 --> 00:43:11.869
listening to this podcast and share it share

00:43:11.869 --> 00:43:14.010
it with your friend share it with your family

00:43:14.010 --> 00:43:16.050
member share it on your social media share it

00:43:16.050 --> 00:43:20.710
with your group chat share this podcast it really

00:43:20.710 --> 00:43:25.750
helps have a wonderful week guys god bless