Hey guys and welcome back to the salt not sweetener
podcast. I'm your host Danielle Townsend and
Today's episode is one that I felt called to
record for a while now Actually, I tried to record
something similar to this Friday and after recording
it I felt called to delete it But it wasn't what
the Lord was calling me to talk about in depth
You know, it was a little bit but it wasn't nearly
What he is now placed on my spirit and in this
morning's sermon at church You know, I was honestly
weeping My whole church service today. We went
over today Chapter 11 in the book of John where
it was about the raising of Lazarus and today
was just such an emotional day and the service
You know this worship songs that we were singing
had me weeping so heavily as I was giving all
the glory to the Lord of who I am today and what
he has done in my life and that feels like the
past that's been a real common theme the past
week is just having real opportunities to glorify
God and to be completely open honest that I would
not be where I'm at today I would not be who
I am if it weren't for the Heavenly Father if
it weren't for Jesus Christ working in my life
When I submitted and surrendered my life to him,
I did a 180, who I was as a person. Like my heart,
the desires, my coping mechanisms, so much about
me radically shifted because of him, which in
turn radically shifted my life. You know, I'm
not where I'm at today because I was the same
person. Like, Jesus, everything I have today
is because of the Lord. And I feel like what
I'm about to share with y 'all today is gonna
be freeing for me. Because this is something
I've been, you know, really keeping in the past
year. I've shared different areas of what God
has done in my life, but I haven't shared this
promise in my life that He fulfilled. That gave
me so much hope. And I know that it's going to
be freeing for me. I know it's gonna be inspiring
for other people. This is gonna... breathe life
into some people's situation. This is going to
give them hope. I know that God is going to work
in miraculous ways through this testimony today.
And I just want to start by glorifying God and
saying that he is so good and that every ounce
of the being of who I am today is because of
him. Every good thing that I have in my life
today is because of him. the protection that
i have today is because of him the healing that
has been done in my life is because of him the
restoration is because of him none of this is
me none of this is my own work do i obey god
yes but it's him guiding me it's him giving me
the instruction you know today when we were we
were singing this worship song in church where
i believe and what's interesting is um this was
the song that was playing on my playlist on the
car on the drive to church was like all hail
king jesus all hail the lord of heaven and earth
um and then we got into and he brought me back
to life the enemy thought he had me but jesus
said you are mine and that song i remember hearing
that When I gave my life to Christ I remember
around that time period when I would open up
my social media because I started looking at
more Christian content that that song and seeing
people's transformations and Wondering like is
Jesus gonna be able to do that for me Like is
he gonna be able to change me? Like am I one
day gonna say that the enemy thought he had me
but Jesus said you are mine and today I'm sharing
with y 'all the testimony of how the enemy thought
he had me But when Jesus decided, when Jesus,
when I submitted my life to Him, He took me away
from the enemy. The enemy thought He had me.
The enemy thought He had me pulled away from
Jesus. The enemy thought that He had me cornered.
The enemy thought that He was gonna have my soul,
that He was gonna have my spirit, that He was
gonna have my eternal life ripped away from Heavenly
Father. But when I put my faith in Jesus, The
plots of the enemy came crashing down and I want
to start today with sharing with y 'all the promise
That Jesus gave me That gave me hope Now my conversion
y 'all who was very interesting because you know
a bit of background I was raised going to church.
I was raised. I'm going to church from my grandma
I was Roman Catholic, but I didn't believe surrender
my life to Christ and you could see by how I
was living my life I was willingly sinning, I
was freely sinning. I was giving into envy, I
was giving into jealousy, I was giving into greed,
I was giving into lust. I was making an idol
out of positions, out of popularity, out of job
titles. I looked like the world. It's not a compliment
when I look back. I used to take as a compliment
when people would say, I didn't know you'd go
to church. And I'd be like, ugh. That's because,
you know, like, I get along with both sides.
I'm, like, not judgmental. When I look back now,
it's like, no, it's because I wasn't living my
life set apart. There was nothing about me besides
going to church Sunday that told you that I was,
I'm putting in quotation marks, Christian slash
Catholic. I wasn't denying myself. I was still
drinking and turning up, partying with people,
making jokes at other people's expenses, gossiping,
like, not showing that, you know, I wasn't forgiving.
70 times 7, I wasn't continuing to forgive, I
was taking revenge in my own hands, all of these
different things, every little aspect. The fact
that when I was in times of distress, when I
needed comfort, when I needed things, I turned
to worldly things, whether that be substances,
whether that be relationships, whether that be
binge watching TV shows and doing all these things,
I was turning to all of these worldly things
instead of turning to Jesus. When I needed guidance,
where was I turning? Not Jesus. When I needed
hope, where was I turning? Not Jesus. And then
y 'all know that when I got older, I turned to
New Age spirituality and I was a tarot card reader.
And I was exploring New Age spirituality. I was
very, very much, and I have not talked about
publicly to this extent, I was very much interested
in paganism. At that point y 'all I had done
a lot of my research I could tell you a lot of
things about Greek mythology about Norse mythology
and I've shared on here before about you know
how I one time I was meditating and I had a very
intense vision of an angel that you actually
is described in the book of Ezekiel with all
the different eyeballs and everything like that
and I You know had admitted that I was interested
in other religions. I've shared that before and
that was a really crazy experience and then it
was after that that When I look back, I feel
like I noticed kind of the protection and the
favor of the Lord kind of leaves my life When
I look back, he didn't actually leave me, but
he turned me over to the consequences of my sin
He turned me over to the things that I was turning
away from him for and I just remember when I
started picking up my Bible and I started reading
it I started, you know, I was starting in Genesis
and everything, but then I was just reading to
read. It was filling up my time of boredom. So
at that point I wasn't able to be on my phone
a lot. And I remember reading the book of Ezekiel
and for the first time in my life feeling utmost
conviction. Because in the book of Ezekiel, like
he is calling out the idolaters. He's calling
out the diviners. He's calling out the witches.
I remember Reading where it was like woe to those
who sew magic bands around their wrists and veil
their heads and protection I I felt so convicted
because that's what I did in New Age spirituality
especially when you got into like tarot card
reading and divination always things you were
taught to like wear bales as like a source of
protection and you're all the sudden wearing
crystal jewelry on your wrists as protection
or charms or different things like that. And
I just felt the utmost conviction of what God
was condemning thousands of years ago is living
and breathing today. And I've become a part of
that. I was looking at my wrists and seeing the
evil eye bracelets that I had on. And I felt
such conviction of he's talking about me. And
when he started going to the you know those who
prophesy out of their own hearts those who haven't
hurt Aren't hearing from the Lord but claim to
be hearing from the Lord He was going into diviners
because we know that if you are not Submitted
to the Lord if you are not getting we know that
when you are getting prophetic words from channeled
I'm doing quotation marks right now y 'all the
channeled messages that people get from spirit
guides from deities The tarot readings the oracle
readings the mediumship the source that they're
getting from is not God. So those are false divination
Those are false prophecies because the only one
who knows all is the Lord You're getting fed
by monitoring spirits. So I felt the utmost conviction
listening to that. Oh My gosh, you're talking
to me Lord And they started referring to idols
in the book of Ezekiel. When he was showing Ezekiel
that there were people who had their back turned
to the temple, had their back turned on God and
were facing the sun and worshipping the sun.
I saw there that they were worshipping the creation
over the Creator. and i started thinking every
time in new age spirituality i was told to to
align with moon cycles and i was told to charge
crystals in the moonlight when i was looking
to horoscopes looking to the stars which are
the creation and trusting in what i believe the
stars to be telling me When I was trusting on
what the natal charts were telling me, it clicked
for me that oh my gosh I am worshipping the creation
instead of the creator. God gave us all of these
different things, but we have put these into
positions that they should not be in. Idols such
as money. When you turn your back on what you
know the Lord has called you to do, to elevate
that thing, to secure that thing, I thought of
how many times had I gotten myself in this position
of I went against what I knew. The word of the
Lord said, I went against these things because
I felt like it would elevate me in some way.
Yeah, I know God called me not to do that or
to do this, but there's money involved and I
need the money. So I'm going to do it anyway.
When God would call me not to be a gossip or
not to participate in any of that, I knew that
maybe it would get me in better standing with
a person. Or make a situation more comfortable
to just feed into just given I thought of how
many times I elevated people pleasing How much
being liked became an idol above what the Lord
called me and do how many times I watered down
what the Lord called me to say I started feeling
conviction on conviction on conviction and there
was an overwhelming flood of me For the first
time in my life where I was like God I'm a sinner
and it doesn't matter why I did these things.
I can't defend these sins Like it doesn't matter
what traumas what pains what? Justifications
I used in the past to do these things I recognize
now that none of that matters because at the
end of the day It doesn't matter my reasoning
why I'm doing this at the end of the day this
all the sin is doing is producing spiritual death
and pain and suffering and it's creating an open
door for the devil to Run rampant in my life
at that point my life the weapons that formed
against me seem to be prospering my enemy the
devil seemed to be winning over me in life I
knew that I had spiritual attacks coming at me
and it felt like no matter what I was doing to
protect myself it just kept hitting and hitting
and hitting and although like I had hoped to
keep moving forward I was like what is going
on here like I've put on these veils I put on
these bracelets I've done all these things yet
the enemy is still moving and that was the first
time I really understood in my life that it's
like, true protection comes from the blood of
Jesus, not these things. These things aren't
gonna protect me. These things are open doors
for the enemy because I'm putting my faith in
these things instead of Jesus. And for the first
time in my life, I realized I was like, I have
been doing all of the wrong things to try to
help myself. and in this like I have turned my
back on the Lord and I felt so grieved and it
started to hit me in all the ways that I was
unhealed of all the ways that the enemy the devil
had been able to manipulate me all the ways that
he had been able to deceive me because of so
many weak points in my armor and there was an
overwhelm of when I started realizing I Cannot
get out of like at this point my life had gone
to a point of no return. My reputation was down
the drain I had no friends. I talked to I had
no family. I talked to I had no money I had nothing
to my name. Like when I look around like it was
the most lack and famine and drought in every
area of my life that I had ever been in before
and I was like God money isn't gonna fix this
Like if someone dropped a million dollars and
today sure it might get me out of this situation,
but it's not gonna fix my connections It's not
gonna fix my reputation. It's not gonna change
my habits at that time. I kept going back to
marijuana and alcohol I Was I was investing in
things I thought looked good to other people
like I was like even if money came in that doesn't
change my habits That doesn't change my spending
spree that doesn't change how I perceive myself
in the world, so all this money's gonna do is
feed more problems. More money, more problems.
I was like, so it doesn't matter how much money
came in. I started thinking, it doesn't matter
if a partner, someone who loved me and came in
and told me all the things I wanted to say came
in. Because there were still insecurities. There
were still unhealed things. I started to realize
that it doesn't matter what I tried to do for
myself or what human... came in trying to do
things, it was not going to restore. And I recognized
that the only person who could do that for me
was Jesus Christ. Like there was an overwhelm
in me of like, Jesus is the way, Jesus is the
truth, Jesus is the way. Like that was the first
like full recognition of it doesn't matter what
I do. Jesus is the only answer And as I was reading
and I you know, I was praying very heavily At
this time I was praying I didn't I wasn't very
used to just doing like free like freestyle in
prayers is what they kind of call it now where
you're just speaking to Lord what was on your
heart. I knew very ingrained in me like the Our
Father prayer and like the Hail Mary prayer so
I started gravitating towards that and I just
started praying the Rosary and praying the Our
Father very heavy and I was spending at this
point like 12 -14 hours a day just in the scripture
and reflecting on it. And once I felt those convictions
at this point in my life what was interesting
is I had already stopped reading tarot cards
for other people I had felt a conviction and
I'd recognize that that was not what I was supposed
to do. I stopped doing that completely But I
had still kept them around me and I was occasionally
doing them for myself Because what was interesting
is tarot became a thing for me when I was bored
too when I was bored I would pick up the cards
if I had nothing else to do so it actually kind
of took the place of like marijuana and alcohol
because marijuana and alcohol for me for the
longest time was like a detachment and it would
put me in another headspace and get me to like
you know I can focus on other things and for
me that's kind of what the tarot cards became
is it became like an escape from reality where
I could look at those and you know come up with
things out of those and make a world out of those
and everything like that and So I was kind of
fighting another addiction with that too, you
know, because I've openly admitted in past podcast
episodes I was addicted to the escape that substances
gave me that marijuana and alcohol gave me And
I've also talked about how Jesus Christ became
the substitute for that like Jesus Christ Not
like like when he told me to give those things
up He said you will never need those things again
if you continue to come to me And I did and he
replaces things and I see now that he is the
source of all good and that he is a deep well
And that my living water comes from him But I
felt this overwhelming conviction because you
know, I started recognizing not only am I hurting
myself I'm hurting all these other people when
I read tarot cards for them each one of these
people I was allowing them to put their faith
in something outside the Lord. I was not pointing
them back To the Savior to Jesus Christ was pointing
them every other direction no matter how much
good advice I felt like I was giving and I'll
tell y 'all I I honestly believe I believe that
I was tapped into something like I Truly believed
when I was doing this that I was able to tell
these people What was gonna happen to them in
the future? But I had some supernatural inside
look like I didn't believe I was creating separation
for people like Ible. And now that the Lord has
really revealed things to me, I see that what
I thought I was tapping into was just demonic.
I was talking to demonic monitoring spirits.
I was talking to demons. I wasn't talking to
the Lord. This wasn't spirit -filled advice.
So at the end of the day, it doesn't matter how
good it sounds to the ears. If it's not pointing
them back to the Lord, it is wicked. And I recognize
that. So anyway, and all of these realizations.
So at this point, when I was feeling convicted
about this, I had already stopped reading for
other people. But when I started feeling convicted
and reading that, that was the conviction for
me to stop reading for myself. So then I went
through a time period where those cards were
just sitting next to me idly for a couple weeks
until I felt the conviction to throw them away.
But so now at this time, like I'm feeling so
heavy. And I'm feeling very guilty and I'm wondering
like have I gone too far like is Jesus going
to turn things around for me and I know I'm not
worthy I'm not deserving like what comes now
was the more suffering was where my mind was
was I was like am I about to die of my sin like
am I like I had a fear and an overwhelm and I
remember the Lord leading me to scripture and
it was the one of the first times i truly felt
like i heard from god in my life and i don't
know how to explain it but it was like this was
a word that once it was given to me it doesn't
matter there there was lots of doubt that tried
to come in and deception but it couldn't be shaken
like i knew that this was from god and i remember
reading in the book of ezekiel where he says
like i will give you a new heart will give you
a heart of obedience he like first off he's saying
I will give I will take out your heart of stone
and I will give you a heart of flesh and to me
like I had been so cold -hearted for so long
I don't know how to explain it but it was like
I had detached for a very long time where it
was like I learned how to compartmentalize so
well that like there is a part of me that could
kind of turn off empathizing for other people
and caring about other people and i put myself
and my survival above all things and honestly
i had had a heart of stone and i felt the lord
telling me like i'm gonna give you a heart of
flesh like you're gonna care about people again
you're gonna prioritize other people again you're
gonna love other people again you're gonna overcome
whatever pain whatever trauma whatever is going
on Am going to give you a new heart and that
next one was so big of I will give you a heart
of obedience and I had never had that I had like
this natural Instinct to rebel for as long as
I could remember It was like I naturally I wanted
to rebel. I want to rebel against the system.
I want to rebel against the ideals I had so many
people telling me I was a natural, I always wanted
to rebel. And I always had to question everything.
And to be fair, to give myself just a little
bit of where this came from, I didn't always
have the most trustworthy people around me. when
I was younger. When you're around like lots of
people with addictions, you learn to not be able
to trust everything around you. Someone says
they'll do something, they don't do it. Someone
makes an excuse or something and then you find
out. There are so many instances and honestly
I didn't have the most honest friends growing
up either. Now again, I can't defend my rebellion.
My rebellion is rebellion. It was rebellion and
either way it was displeasing to Lord and The
Lord doesn't say it's a sin except for these
situations So just telling y 'all how I got there,
you know when I look back that the rebellion
I feel was Kind of developed out of that space
a little bit like a defensive tactic and an independence
thing And the devil use that the devil use that
to get me to stray away from the Lord And that
rebellion, I noticed it in the way I dressed.
I noticed it in the way I talked. I noticed it
in the way that I reacted. I could see it in
every way in my life. But I felt the Lord speaking
these things to me. And to go on further, I remember
writing down in my journal so many times over,
when I was hearing from him as I was writing
it down, I remember hearing him say, you're not
gonna look like what you've been through. You're
gonna come out on the other side of this and
you're not going to look like what you have been
through I remember him saying he was going to
restore everything that I lost Exceedingly and
abundantly So he made some very big promises
to me that I was gonna look like a completely
different person. I was gonna have a new heart
That when I came out on the other side of this
I was not gonna look like what I've been through
You were not gonna be able to look at me and
tell that I dealt with homelessness that I dealt
with substances, that I dealt with new age, that
I dealt with all of these things, that I dealt
with panic, depression, PTSD, like all of these,
you're not gonna be able, I'm gonna look so different.
And these were huge promises. And I just remember
this like crying of like, thank you, God. Like,
I believe you. And... Then there came along a
little bit of a heavy The Lord didn't really
let me get ahead of myself too much and Because
I remember after that writing down so many times
in my journal that but he's not doing this because
I'm deserving or because I'm better than other
people like It wasn't that there's some special
work that I did or some special Prayer that I
said or that my heart's better than other people's
hearts the Lord made it very clear to me that
He was going to turn my pain and my past into
testimonies that glorify him That my life was
going to look completely different That everything
was going to look completely different, but it
was not going to be for my glory. It was going
to be for his So that way His glory, his power,
his grace, his mercy, his ability would be shown
through what he's done in my life. And the Lord
made it very clear to me. He's like, you are
your life. Part of your life is going to be sharing
these testimonies of what I have done for you.
Like it was almost like he started revealing
a little bit of my calling to me in that time
of like. I am going to do all of these miraculous
works of you and in your life and at the time
it felt like a real burden of like and you are
going to have to share this with people meaning
you're going to have to share your past and share
what you've done and share what you've been through
and share your disobedience you're going to have
to share all of those things but you're also
going to be sharing what I have done in your
life how I have used this Because the the Lord
went on to it I remember for days y 'all just
writing this down in my journal and just like
weeping and feeling so overwhelmed and grateful
But also burdened because it felt like such like
a heavy weight to carry at the time Where the
Lord had made it so clear that You're gonna be
one day talking to people who are in active rebellion.
And what happened to you in the past, the famine,
I went through, the loss, the destruction. I
see now that those were the Lord turning me over
to my sin. I can look back now, y 'all, and see
how many times that God tried to get through
to me and tried to lead me away from the path
I was going down. But I had a hardened heart,
I had a hardened head, and I was in a rebellious
house. and I was going to continue doing what
I was going to do and you know I've referred
to it many times as like my book of Jeremiah
moment where I was warned time and time again
and because I wouldn't turn away from those things
the Lord turned me over to my sin in hopes that
I would see that I need him and turn back to
him and the Lord made it very clear to me that
like You know, my testimonies are going to be
heard by people who are in active rebellion.
They're going to be heard by people who have
hardened hearts, who have hardened heads, and
not everybody is going to have eyes to see or
ears to hear. Not everybody is going to want
to hear what I have to say. So many people are
going to want to continue defending the sin that
they're living in. Are going to want to sugarcoat
it and see it the way that they see it. But the
Lord, it was like he placed on me so heavy that
you have to anyway. Like that is going to be
part of your life is anyway, you are going to
have to tell other people, I went down that path
too. I had false idols too. I turned to new age
too. I turned my back on the Lord too. I turned
to sexual immorality, to all of these other things.
And I ignored the Lord. And every time he reached
out for me, I turned away from him. So eventually
I saw pain and suffering. because every one of
these sins was an open door in my life for the
devil to come in and have legal access to my
life every tarot card every lie every time i
gossiped every time i held someone unforgiveness
every time i was being a drunkard like every
time i was being envious jealous angry that was
just a little doorway for the devil to come come
in and get a foothold in my life to then turn
into like a stronghold that's really hard to
break free of and before you know it you're bound
and I look back and I'm like this is why God
was warning me away from the sin is because all
it does it may feel good in the moment but it
just produces separation in distance not only
for myself but I'm helping do that for other
people right so it was all of these I felt like
a heavy burden of like I know that there are
going to be so many people who are going to meet
that with probably hatred and anger because of
how I felt. Conviction doesn't feel good but
I felt the Lord tell me that like that past is
going to be a testimony to those people of if
you continue down that path what happened to
me could very much be a possibility for you.
Turning your back on the Lord to turn to the
world and the false idols the pain and the suffering
That can come along with that But I felt the
Lord also tell me that my Restoration and the
blessings and the wonderful things that he's
doing in me and in my life is also going to be
used as a testimony and as a sign That he would
use me To tell other people that even though
I did all of those things When I humbled when
I when when I was humbled and that such humble
space and I Submitted and surrendered my life
to the Lord everything changed because there's
there's so many people who believe that once
they commit certain kinds of sins or return to
certain idols or turn the things that there is
no coming to Jesus that there is no giving your
life to Jesus I met so many people while I was
in new age that were like really deep in occultism
and indifferent where they believe that you know
once they Started participating in certain things
or once they started Because a lot of them will
have matron or patron, you know committing their
lives to what they believe are deities They believe
that there is no coming to Jesus There's no giving
their life to Jesus and that's a lie straight
from the pit of hell But you can repent and give
your life to Christ and he can turn your life
around 100 % There's so many people who believe
that once the damage is done the damage is done
Then the Lord revealed to me that like my life
was going to be testimony To whoever he he sends
me to and and life whoever hears these testimonies
that he can restore exceedingly and abundantly
Y 'all I have had Connections and relationships.
I didn't think were ever going to be rebuilt
because addiction just absolutely destroyed them
and The Lord has rebuilt them and centered them
around Christ There might my reputation the high
thought was never coming back in the Lord has
done amazing things in that My finances this
is the I was telling my pastor the other day.
This is the first time my life my bills are on
autopay Like he has done exceedingly and abundantly
my just day -to -day fulfillment. This is the
first time in my life I haven't needed drugs.
I haven't needed alcohol. I have Jesus like This
was the obedient heart that I talked about. He
was giving me all it was so crazy that like before
he moved miracles to move me out of The desert
when I was in Southern, California There were
so many opportunities like golden opportunities
for me to backslide I've shared on here before
that one time when I you know I've been waiting
I felt the Lord speak life into me that he was
gonna bring provision for me to move from California
to Indiana and to wait on him not to try to create
myself and then all of a sudden this dude pulls
up and starts offering me all these different
ways to make quick money and quick cash but every
single way I'm listening to it These would require
me to backslide. These would require me to sin.
They would require me to make compromises. And
when I kept turning it down, the dude started
getting really mad and saying, God's not real.
If you're waiting on some miracle from God, it's
not going to come like the most deceptive, doubtful
seeds trying to be planted. But since I stayed
rooted in the word of the Lord, those things
could not touch. But I'm telling you, I had every
option. to disobey what God had already told
me and in the past I would have taken those options
just a year before definitely two years before
I did not have those boundaries I didn't love
the Lord I didn't have faith in what he said
so when those things if the climate was right
because in that time it seemed like the climate
was kind of right right like all these opportunities
were coming in and I'm in a really bad financial
space and it It looks like I'm backed in the
corner to say yes and all the other times in
my life I would have and this was the first time
that I stood on what God told me and I was like
no I Trust that God will provide a way for me
and it's not this way This would contradict his
word. This would require me to send I know this
is not from God and I'm gonna turn down this
offer from the devil and Wait on the Lord and
he provided exceedingly and abundantly and I
didn't have to send to get it and it became a
testimony. That was one of the first when I look
back, really revealing of the obedience. You
know, when I left tarot card reading, I wasn't
walking to something. Like, do y 'all understand
that? Like, I didn't have another source of income.
I didn't have another space. That was my way
of, I was making money daily and I was using
that to eat food. Into like my very daily things.
I relied on it like daily and the Lord called
me to stop and There wasn't like a stop and I'll
give you money. There wasn't a someone else came
up and gave me money and I could just stop Like
It wasn't I had a job offer and I was walking
away from that too. It was I the Lord It was
leading me to stop reading for other people and
it was before I even had all the convictions
That I had but I just knew in my spirit like
I have to stop doing this. I'm not meant to keep
doing this and I trusted in that Enough that
I that was like a leap of faith doll Now at first
what I was doing was To eat every day. I had
lots of different like points saved up on like
apps at different restaurants around me So at
first I was like, you know ordering and I was
just eating like one meal a day from those and
then it kind of turned into I had some stocks
and it wasn't a lot of money but I was cashing
those out and I was eating off those and that
was During that time period when I started reading
scripture more and feeling convictions And by
the time the Lord made these promises to me I
was out of provision when it came to like money
and food and the Lord actually started leading
me through intermittent fasting and he would
randomly send like blessings Where I would eat
and like food would be provided But I see now
that these fastings were heavy deliverance for
me. There was a lot of demonic oppression There's
a lot of demonic influence going on in my life.
There was a lot of bondage I was in that the
Lord was using It was fasting plus prayer and
being in his word and meditating on the word
and he used that to break things and give me
a new heart and I remember every single day multiple
times a day I was praying to Lord like Lord whatever
desires that are in my heart that do not align
with your will whatever is in my heart that is
not from you remove these desires from my heart
and replace them with desires that align with
your will and I believe 100 % that he heard that
prayer because I see the fruit of it because
it was once these opportunities to start going
sideways and doing different things and doing
them my way started coming and I still chose
the Lord's way. I still chose the Jesus way.
I remember once I came back to Indiana and it
was the first time I had like the ability to
shop and buy like new clothes and like a new
wardrobe and I remember when I started buying
clothes and I was looking the thing that kept
coming in my mind is Does this glorify God? Like
I was holding up shirts and holding up pants
and just thinking, does this glorify God? And
keep in mind in the past, I wore really tight
stuff. I wore crop tops. I always wanted to show
off my body and everything like that. And all
of a sudden, I was holding up these clothes in
the store. My first thought was, does this glorify
God? And my second thought when I started thinking,
what does that mean exactly? I started thinking,
well, first off, would I feel comfortable wearing
this in the church? I was wearing this and someone
said, let's go to church. Would I be like? Okay,
I feel comfortable going into the space that
glorifies God. And all of a sudden, the life
decisions I was making, I was thinking of God
before I was thinking of myself. And I had never
had that in my life. Where before I bought clothes,
I was thinking, does this glorify God? When I
started applying for jobs, I was looking at does
this glorify God? Like there were some job positions
that were open up, I skipped past because I was
like, this is a sin. This is something that God
has convicted me not to participate in. I've
shared before, I have sobriety convictions. So
me personally, I'm not going to be working at
a bar. I'm not going to be working at anywhere
that really elevates alcohol. That would be a
temptation for me. In the past, I would have
just said, money is money. I need a job. I remember
praying. I had it written down. I prayed it every
day. That was in my journal. That was, God, I...
pray that I don't go, I don't want to find comfort
in spaces that you're not comfortable, like that
you're not dwelling in. I do not want to be comfortable
in spaces that you're not dwelling in. I do not
want to make a home in spaces that I am not meant
to be in. I prayed, God guide my decisions, guide
my words, guide my steps, amen. I was praying
to him. Redirect me if I need redirected like
I pray that I seek you in every space that I
walk into But the first thing I think of is is
God dwelling here Like it is dissipate. Is this
a place that welcomes the Holy Spirit? And I
never used to think that the past now when I'm
like talking to people and I'm like making friends
and making connections my first thoughts are
kind of like Is this relationship gonna help
me grow in my relationship with Christ? Like
are they gonna be supportive in my walk with
Christ? Iron sharpens iron and bad company corrupts
good morals So which are they gonna be like I'm
looking at for some like are they supportive
of my relationship with Christ? You know, are
they going to inspire me to grow in my relationship
with Christ or are they going to plant seeds
of doubt? Are they gonna be stumbling blocks?
Like what am I getting here? And, you know, if
it's revealed to me that these are stumbling
blocks, that, you know, these aren't people I'm
meant to be taking advice with or being very
close with, I have to release them. And that
was my big thing. I had such a problem in the
past. I wanted to hold on to everything and everybody.
And that was a big change that the Lord made
in me is when he calls me to release and to let
go, I release and let it go. And I had never
had that. And I'm telling you all today that
none of this was my own strength. This is God
moving in my life This new heart I I tried therapy
for years and it didn't fix me I tried every
type of meditation and inner self -work and all
that crap and I still ended up with the same
habits the same thought processes with the same
heart Jesus tells me he's gonna give me a new
heart has me lock him with him and all of a sudden
my heart is literally like radically changed
It's been a well over a year now y 'all and it
has just gotten stronger and stronger. I'm just
seeing it more and more No one but God Could
have done what he's done in my life. No one but
God could have brought me the protection That
has been brought to me because the devil has
been trying to grab me ever since I left y 'all
I am NOT kidding when when he came back to town
I remember going to my priest at the time and
I remember him telling me he's like you need
to prepare for the spiritual warfare because
whether or not you realize that you are a really
strong foot soldier for the devil you are being
used by him whether or not you realize it and
he's not gonna want to let you go easy and I
had noticed y 'all so many temptations to go
back to my old ways so many temptations to pick
up the idols I laid down so many but I had the
strength to keep going and that strength was
from the Lord. That wasn't my own strength. There
were times when I was speaking and just wisdom
was coming out my mouth. I was like, where did
that come from? That's not me. And that was God.
There was bravery and courage that came out of
me. That was not me. That was God. Like all of
these things, it was God. It was not me and I
was weeping y 'all I was weeping so much in the
church this morning because I was like just praying
and praying was like God everything I have is
because of you Help me to elevate you and to
glorify you more and that's when I felt led to
record this episode today is Like laying it all
out of these are the amazing things that happen
in my life, and it's not me It's God if it was
me This would not be cultivated I would be right
back at the same habits. I would be the same
person I would be same in the same situation
that I was in over a year ago This was the hand
of God and this was not me and I recognize You
know one thing that has been so prevalent to
me is what God gives God can take when you weren't
disobedient and Like I am so frequently y 'all
Because there is a fear of the Lord that has
been established in me that I have never known
before Where it's like it's not the fear of the
Lord like you're you're terrified of him but
it's like you have a reverence for his power
and I Understand that everything I have right
now is not mine. I'm nearly stewarding over it
like that's why y 'all with this podcast and
with like my tick -tock you'll see that I I try
to like Definitely this podcast 100 % all I talk
about is the Lord. and things that glorify the
Lord and elevate the Lord. And that's why I try
to center my TikTok around too. Cause I've actually,
I've talked about this before and I feel led
to touch on this again y 'all, that when I gave
my life to Christ last year, I actually ended
up going ghost. I stopped posting in like August
on TikTok and I didn't come back and start posting.
I think I posted like one or two things maybe
like in November, but I didn't actually come
back and be active until like January. and the
Lord had to really coax me to get back on social
media. Number one, I had a lot of trauma. In
all honesty, there was a lot of, I was kind of
at the hands near the end of my social media.
There were some people from accounts, they weren't
using their face. They were like faceless accounts
that were just not showing me the love of Jesus.
I'll say it like that. You know, I felt very
my privacy very violated. I felt very like Who
I was as a person was being warped and twisted
and like it was just heavy attacks that I was
under And when I finally got off social media,
this was like, okay. This is a Breton. No one's
watching me No one's filled in on what I'm doing.
Like I don't think I ever want to get on social
media again. This is kind of freeing And then
I also didn't feel worthy or deserving to ever
like use a platform again because I had used
it to lead other people astray and because I
had used it so I had used it when I was in new
age to lead other people astray with that so
I felt like well in the past I could not be trusted
with a platform. You know I don't feel deserving
of one again and then a third I had recognized
in the past that like my fulfillment and satisfaction
came from views and likes and interactions and
I didn't want to feed that again. but by January
the Lord had been working on my heart so heavily
of I gave you testimonies to share you have the
gift of communication you have a platform and
you are not using it like I felt the fear of
the Lord was actually like kind of struck in
me and that obedience part of me was hit where
it was like The Lord has given me, you know,
I got back to Indiana in October of last year.
It's been over a year where the Lord gave me
three months to get in a routine, to recoup,
to reset. But that it was time to start stepping
into what He restored me for, because He reminded
me, I didn't restore you to just sit around.
And yes, I felt the Lord so heavily tell me,
I want you to delight in me. I want you to enjoy
your life. I want you to have happy moments.
I want you to breathe, but I didn't restore you
for you to just focus on you. I did this so that
other people may see it and you're not allowing
other people to see it. And I felt the biggest
conviction with that, where it was like, how
do you want me to do it, Lord? And I really felt
led to start posting on social media. And I've...
Felt him take me through times where like I have
gotten off and you'll see like there are times
when I'll go days or maybe like a week or so
just kind of reclusing and taking time off and
just locking back in with the Lord. But I want
to make that so clear y 'all. I'm not on social
media honestly because I want to be. I'm on it
because I know that right now this is the assignment
and I know that there's a lot of opposition against
that too. I am not. ignorant to that but my God
is bigger than any opposition. The blood of Jesus,
I am covered in that and protected by that and
I trust in the Lord's timing and the Lord's will
over mine. He has been taking me through a season
right now where I cannot judge success or where
I'm at in my relationship with the Lord or how
pleased he is with me based off of the worldly
gauges of success. He's really gotten me to lock
in on, do not care about the views, the number
of views. Don't care about the number of likes,
don't care about the number of interactions,
don't care about the number of, and like, I've
said this many times before, the Lord, it's like
exposure therapy for me. Like, he'll give me
wisdom, and then he'll give me that same situation,
and okay, now use that wisdom I just gave you.
Because when he started drilling that in me,
y 'all, I started getting videos where I was
getting like thousands of views and then like
10 likes. And that used to be something that
would bother me so bad because I'm like, that's
a really big gap in engagement. That's a really,
that just looks bad. That just looks wonky by
worldly standards. And the Lord had to like,
I remember so clearly him telling me, that's
like 2000 people hearing a message. And right
now you're looking at, but only 10 people liked
the message. Did I not tell you that not everybody
was gonna like what you had to say? I remember
feeling so convicted of like, dang yeah, like
that's 2000 people hearing that message. I'm
telling y 'all right now. That when I was in
new age when I was posting tarot card readings
when I was posting all that I was getting way
more views and interactions and likes and money
and all of that That I don't do I don't not now.
Okay, there's actually a lot less Interactions
and a lot less but I have noticed that the interactions
that they do have now are more profound and more
impactful and more spirit -filled and they're
more like ministering on both sides where like
I feel like I get something out of the interaction.
I want to make this so clear today that like
my online presence is not about attention at
this point. It's not about if it was. I'm telling
y 'all that talking about the Lord and sharing
these testimonies and these things isn't the
way for attention. I noticed a lot more when
I was posting lustful things too and in the world.
You know if it came to money, I'm telling y 'all
right now. I made a lot more money This is solely
out of fear of the Lord and reverence for the
Lord and I remember I was just praying in church
this morning of like Reveal to me what I can
do today To glorify you because there was just
this overwhelming of it's no one but you Jesus
like I am the person I am today Because of you
And I was actually I was so I was talking with
the pastor this past week where I had the opportunity
to share some of this testimony and I had Been
reading to them Ezekiel and I it's so important
You know to give me the words I Feel like I had
kind of lost a little bit of that gratitude recently
And I needed to be pulled back and because it's
so important not to live in the past Right of
like not fixating not focusing not treating it
like you're still that person But it was almost
like I forgot how far I've come in a year because
it's only been a year Since I've surrendered
to the Lord and he has done all of these changes
in me. He's done all these changes in my life
Because if I myself I you know, I was saying
to pastor is like I feel like there's more like
the Lord gave me some very very big visions and
I feel like there's more that should be going
on now I feel like there's more that should be
happening and you know, I felt convicted later
on of if there was more trust God would be leading
that he trusts where he has me right now And
I had to start thinking back of why, why do you
feel like there is more? And I thought of this
promise that he gave me and I'm looking back
and I'm like, he's already been fulfilling that
promise. He's already been doing it. Like I'm
sitting here waiting on him to do some crazy
big thing when he has already done monumentous
things in my life that I should have gratitude
for. And I don't believe this is the stopping
point. I do believe that the Lord is going to
expand and grow in his timing. Oh, and I'm looking
at it now like, It was like a gratitude that
I got pulled back to of a year ago. I was a completely
different person. There are people now that like
sometimes when they see me on TikTok, they're
like, what were you that were you that new age
person a couple years ago where it's like they
can't. It reminds me going back to the scripture.
I was here in the Book of John. We read a couple
weeks ago where Jesus healed that blind man.
And there were people saying, is that the same
man that used to be hanging out? And they were
like, no, that just looks like him. And that
was honestly all the kind of feeling of when
you have that interaction with Jesus, sometimes
he will leave you looking radically different
than you did before. And I had experienced that
with people online saying, are you that person?
And they'd be like, there is no way you're that
same person. But I am. I mean, I'm different.
But the person you're referring to, yeah, that
was me. And when I when I'm seeing people now
that knew me growing up and knew me years ago,
they are Shocked but there are people who knew
me very well when I was younger that when they
see how I deal with Frustrating situations now
and when they just hear how I speak when they
just watch how I live my day -to -day life I've
heard them say like you are completely different.
Like how do you there are some people who have
straight -up asked me like How how is this possible?
I know there are some people that are really
struggling right now With a lukewarm life and
are really struggling right now with one foot
in one foot out one foot in the things that make
them comfortable and giving into Especially unforgiveness
has its hold on so many people right now Addiction
and different things and they've come to me and
said like How what is what is how did you do
it and I have looked at them and said Jesus I
remember one instance so quickly when I said
that they rolled their eyes and like yeah, I've
tried that and you know I had in my spirit and
I don't think I said it this way specifically
It's kind of like have you though? Like have
you tried? ultimate surrender Saking the Lord
with everything you have Laying it at his feet
Submitting your will to his even when it starts
to get hard Because I used to say well I tried
Jesus and I tried all that because I've grown
up in the church And when I look back now, I
was like, no, I didn't I wasn't truly seeking
him. I wasn't reading scripture fervently. I
wasn't praying for an understanding I wasn't
doing what I could to seek him and Also trying
to like deny my flesh and in the times of struggle
praying for the strength and allowing God to
strengthen me because when I look back at that
situation y 'all like as I said I started just
reading my Bible and I didn't realize at the
time that that was me seeking the Lord and I
didn't even realize I was seeking the Lord and
as I was reading scripture like convictions started
to hit it was while I was reading my Bible because
I started reading that in August but I also felt
led before I even started reading about how divination
was said and everything like that my spirit just
knew to stop reading tarot cards for people and
then by the time I got to the book of Ezekiel
and Conviction fully hit I was ready to like
submit to the Lord. I was ready for Jesus to
be my Savior for the first time in my life And
when I look back the whole month before that
was just me Reading scripture and starting to
pray And that was me seeking the Lord and opening
myself up. And my heart was softened enough that
once that conviction hit, it stuck. I'm telling
y 'all today that the reason why I am who I am
today is Jesus. The reason why my life is the
way it is, is Jesus. The reason why I'm healed
in areas, the reason why I don't need substances
anymore, the reason why I don't need all these
other things, the reason why I can forgive people
is Jesus. It's not me. It's not a therapist.
It's not some new age ideal. It's not any of
that and I'm not dogging on therapy I want to
make that very clear But I'm just saying that
that was something that I tried many many years
throughout my life that was supposed to work
and was supposed to be a healthy solution and
Did it help me to compartmentalize a little bit
more? Maybe yeah Did it was good to say things
out loud. It helped me to not keep in all the
emotions But that wasn't providing me with the
savior from my sins that I needed So I just want
to take another moment y 'all to just glorify
God and how good he is and Tell you that whatever
idols that you're turning to Whatever things
you're putting your faith in and set up the Lord
right now I know AI is so popular and there are
so many people turn to AI for advice and for
comfort instead of the Word of God. I know substances
are such a big thing. There are so many people
who are turning to substances for comfort and
detachment and relaxing when they could be turning
to the Lord. There are so many people turning
to horoscopes and psychics and all these readers
for guidance and instruction when the Lord is
ready to speak to them. There are so many people
turning to thinking that that job Thinking that
you know that that relationship title thinking
that that Sir that certification or that award
or that qualification is going to be what makes
them feel good about themselves is going to be
what You know changes their life those people
thinking that taking revenge into their own hands
or getting getting their type of justice Is going
to be what allows them to sleep at night, and
I'm telling y 'all right now the Jesus is the
way, not these other things. I'm here to tell
you today to lay those idols down and to give
your life to the Lord. I'm telling you today
that he can and will replace all of those things.
I'm telling you today that with Jesus working
in your life a year from now, you may be looking
back and you're a completely different person
that doesn't need those things, that doesn't
rely on those things. Having a completely different
heart, speaking from experience of someone who
the Lord gave them a new heart. I'm telling y
'all today that it is possible. And glory be
to God I'm here. Glory be to God. So we're gonna
end this episode today, and I just, I pray. Not
whatever in your life right now that you are
not laying down that you lay down at the feet
of Jesus Like lay it down at his feet and stop
picking it up If it's unforgiveness lay it down
if it's envy lay it down if it's jealousy lay
it down if it's sexual Morality lay it down Like
if it's lying lay it down False accusations,
lay it down. If it's witchcraft, lay it down.
If it's control, lay it down. If it's divination,
lay it down. Lay it down at his feet and recognize
that whatever he can do in your life is a million
times bigger and better than what any of those
things could do in your life. The Lord is the
firm foundation. These other things are not a
firm foundation. If you build your life on these
other things, you're gonna be like that person
who built on the sand and when the storm came,
it all fell apart. If you build on the Lord,
you're gonna be standing on a firm foundation
that when the rain comes and the winds blow,
it's still gonna be standing because it was built
on the rock. So I'm praying today that you lay
those things down and you start building on a
firm foundation, which is Jesus Christ. I pray
that there are softened hearts and I pray that
God gives you eyes to see and ears to hear what
He's doing around you and the people around you,
what He wants to do in your life. I pray that
you hear from the Lord and that you stand on
what you have heard from the Lord and that no
storm coming towards you can shake you because
you have your faith in Jesus. I'm telling you
today. that transformation is possible through
the Lord and anyone telling you that it's not
possible it's not from God Jesus came here He
died on the cross so that we may be forgiven
for our sins and glory be to God for the first
time in my life I've given it to Him This is
the first time in my life y 'all that I actually
feel secure in my salvation I'm telling y 'all
that That's an amazing thing that the Lord has
done in my life is even growing up and I remember
in middle school and high school I used to straight
-up say I didn't know if I was going to heaven
or hell I felt like I was a good person but the
same time I recognized I was willfully sinning
And when I look back now, I didn't have my faith
in Jesus and I don't believe that you're saved
by your works I believe that you are saved by
your faith if you believe that Jesus cross Jesus
Christ Went to the cross died for our sins and
was resurrected from the dead if you have faith
in that You have true faith in him then that
is your salvation, right? I believe that starts
with faith, but our works are a byproduct of
our faith. Because I'll tell y 'all before, when
I didn't have my faith in Jesus, when I didn't
truly believe in those things, my life didn't
look any different. I was willfully sinning.
I didn't have a desire to please the Lord. I
didn't have a desire to live differently. I wasn't
repenting. When I truly believed in who Jesus
Christ was, and that he had, when he went to
the cross, I actually could be forgiven for my
sins, Like my works started to look different.
Was my life totally perfect? I wasn't a totally
perfect person. But all of a sudden I started
repenting. I started trying to flee temptation.
I started trying to do all these things. So your
works are 100 % a byproduct of your faith. So
I'm telling y 'all today, like... Surrendering
to Jesus is the best choice I ever made in my
life. because this is my first time that like
when I'm reading through the book of revelation
for example this past summer and there used to
be such a fear around that book and although
I don't always get like sunshine and rainbows
feeling reading that book now there's kind of
like a my name is in the book of life like I'm
gonna be with the lord and I never had that feeling
before I always had a question mark and this
is the first time where I'm like I'm gonna be
what Jesus is. And it's the most... I don't even
know how to describe the feeling of there's just
an utmost gratitude that I didn't die in my sin.
Like, there's such gratitude that I didn't die
in my sin. When I look back now, if I would've
died like two years ago, I honestly don't believe
I would have been in heaven. I believe I would
have been in eternal separation, so glory be
to God, amen, but I had more time. I know not
everybody does. So I'm thankful every day, like,
and I, this is my commitment I'm making out loud
that I need to start practicing more gratitude
for just the fact of the time that I have. Because
I know that there are so many other people out
there that... haven't had that time. The glory
be to God, he's given me that. It's not that
I'm deserving of it. The glory be to God, he's
chosen to give it to me anyway. So we're going
to close out this podcast. And I just want to
thank you for listening. And I do hope that you
subscribe and come back and listen to the next
episode. This was Salt Mountain Sweetener. I'm
your host, Danielle Townsend. Have a wonderful
Sunday. God bless.